Winslar ยท 788 points ยท Posted at 17:48:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that if I didn't pull out a wedgie my pants would have a hole in them because my mum said that my bum was hungry and was eating my pants but I was scared if I pulled it out my fingers would get bitten off
That the black market was actually at some secret location where people came and had stands like you would at a farmers market and if the police came everyone took their stuff down and ran away before they'd get caught.
I literally still picture a black market to be like this. I know it's not, but when someone says 'on the black market' I imagine a middle eastern themed bazaar with black cloths covering over.
The second story appeared in the book Flea Markets, published in Europe by Chartwell Books, has in its introduction:
In the time of the Emperor Napoleon III, the imperial architect Haussmann made plans for the broad, straight boulevards with rows of square houses in the center of Paris, along which army divisions could march with much pompous noise. The plans forced many dealers in second-hand goods to flee their old dwellings; the alleys and slums were demolished. These dislodged merchants were, however, allowed to continue selling their wares undisturbed right in the north of Paris, just outside the former fort, in front of the gate Porte de Clignancourt. The first stalls were erected in about 1860. The gathering together of all these exiles from the slums of Paris was soon given the name "marchรฉ aux puces", meaning "flea market", later translation.
I also imagined the black market as a literal market hidden away in some poorly-lit, inconspicuous-looking building! Maybe it's an extension of the "sketchy flea market" trope that people like to invoke?
I'm about 98% certain there was a Simpsons episode where they went to the "black market" and it was literally a bazaar in the basement of Walmart. It was when Margie lit the curtains on fire so she was trying to find the same ones again.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:32:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mother of Lobsters, that's literally exactly how I thought it would look like as well. I don't even think there was anything that made me take a long, hard look at how things would look, I just automatically assumed it would be just like that, except instead of bananas there were Kalashnikovs and instead of pineapples there were cannon shells.
I usually thought of it as a place like a speakeasy or underground gambling den or something. Big dude at the door, code word to get in, but inside there would just be vendors selling illegal stuff at booths or on tables or something.
I always thought it was a cargo ship. Plus where else is better, plenty of room, international waters and you could either call it market and paint it black or call it the black market.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought only secret agents could get to it. It was a store like walmart, only but underground and full of weapons.
A market doesn't have to be a place, it can be the trading of related things with no central location. Like the stock market, it has centers like the New York Stock Exchange, but the stock market itself is just the idea of the sale and exchange of stocks.
There can be, and are physical locations where black market goods are sold illegally, but the black market is just the illegal sale of those goods regardless of location or means.
mac-0 ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 20:55:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought of it as a swap meet kind of thing where you could buy pirated movies and weapons and the police never came because it was in a country with less rules.
And reading this, I realise thats how I pictured it.
I imagined that you had to go around the back of a building and through some secret passages to find an Afgahni guy selling Opium or a WHite Dude selling Meth. idk.
In my mind it always looked very much like the market in Aladdin, but the canopies over the stalls were black instead of tan, because it's the BLACK market.
I used to think that was how drug dealing was done.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:04:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was in the sewers.
Like, you'd go down and there would be the main area with not extremely illegal items like knives, knock off and stolen goods, and then if you wanted something realky illegal youd have to go down a trail off and talk to a shady figure in front of a grate.
I literally had the exact same idea as /u/Iwonderhowmanetter has, and I still imagine that in my head even though that's not what it is.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:49:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too, as a young child who's only reference was the opening scene of Tomorrow Never Dies, where Bond destroys a literal Black Market using a stolen MiG fighter
I thought it would be like an underground mall. I used to think that it was weird that Underground Atlanta had a gov't highway sign. I imagined a place in an abandoned subway with pinky toes for sell, rap battles, and robo cage battles. It's just a shopping district I found out :/
Yes, I always thought it was some dark place in a long underground corridor made of concrete, where some shady-looking people were selling illegal things, like on a flea market
Oh yeah i think i imagined it as underground, like in a sewer or something with ramshackle shacks with shady people working in them, similiar to the thieves guild in skyrim.
Pusher_ ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 19:51:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I had somehow seen part of that Nicolas cage movie (8mm I think?) And there's a scene that colored my perception on what a black market was for years.
Reminds me of American Dad when they walk into a grocery store type place that's literally the black market. People are just standing around and there are bins full of grenades and stuff
I felt like that episode of Family Guy where Louis became a flight attendant and then got stranded in Cuba with Peter was also a pretty good representation of what i imagined too
They're actually areas where you can trade health for items. It also has a trapdoor to the next floor.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure we all thought this.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, what is it then?
sat52 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:23:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah, I definitely thought this too. I never really thought about it until now though and I'm really not sure when I had the realization that it wasn't an actual place.
That's exactly what I thought, plus everybody in the black market constantly wore sunglasses.
I was also under the impression there was a gray market, which was similar, but sold bootleg tapes and food they no longer sell in the U.S. instead of guns and kidneys.
In my city there are many seedy marketplaces where you could buy anything from pirated DVDs/BluRays to handguns.
When I was a kid my dad took me shopping there from time to time, and sometimes we'd walk out with sacks of DVDs that we bought for less than a dollar each (our internet wasn't good enough for torrenting back then).
One time we were there, someone ran in and warned people that some cops might show up. The whole floor of vendors started scrambling to hide their wares. It was a false alarm anyway.
See i too had this belief but my reason for thinking this was i played Ultima Online as a child and there was literally an underground market that sold evil things which was called the black market. I was totally convinced this was how it worked in real life for a long time
MHG73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was an episode of the show Arthur where they go to the 'New York Sock Exchange'. I knew it was not a sock exchange, but a stock exchange. I truly believed that there was a huge building like a mall where you could go up to a person at a booth or desk and hand them cash in exchange for stocks.
The thing about that really stuck with me when I decided to check out the "deep web" a few years ago was Silk Road. It was basically the online version of exactly this.
It was like a cross between Amazon and eBay, with all the features one has grown to expect from such online stores. There were reviews of products, sellers, and buyers. There was the typical "Best quality for the price" quotes and comparisons to other sellers.
It literally was an online retailer like any other- except the items were ounces/kilos of heroine, counterfeit currency, and guns. A true online black market.
I thought that too and ironically in other parts of the world (especially south america) there are black market bazaars. So I guess we were kind of right!
Dod93_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I just realized I thought the same thing...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In a lot of Europe this how its done.. They place items out on a rug or towel and the police come around and they simply roll up the junk and move away for a while. (mostly DVD's, LV knock off purses etc.)
In China they just have it in the open and no fucks are given.
So in Bombay, this is actually true. There's an actual market called "chor bazaar" (thief market). While it's mostly a flea market in recent times, even around 10 or so years ago, it was genuinely the place to go if you wanted to buy goods that *ahem* fell off a truck.
Even today, there are parts of the chor bazaar where people in the know can go to buy everything from hood ornaments (think Mercedes or Rolls Royce) to designer shoes (think Nike) at ridiculous bargain-basement prices. These things tend to be mostly genuine rather than knock-offs, so you can connect the dots as to why a Mercedes hood ornament is available for $2-3 (or $10-20 or whatever).
The first time I was educated about the concept of a black market was the Arthur episode about Pal taking DW's socks to a mysterious "black market". Even now, (though I know what the term means), I picture dogs and ninjas in black spandex suits meeting with crooked laundry machines to trade the mate of the sock that you can't find.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In high school there was a kid named Jason who wore dueling dragon shirts. He was big boned but very confident. One day he tried to convince everyone on the bus that he "went to the Black Market". Calling BS we asked him what he saw there, he responded "AK-47s, M-80s. You know, illegal stuff." We all told him he was full of it and his response was "No guys! I went! Ask my mom! Ask my Mom!"
same but I pictures all of the stands to be made of black tables and black tents with everyone selling stuff to be wearing black....... legit thought it was like a farmers market except with black accent wear so we all knew yes we have arrived at THE Black Market
In Seoul, South Korea there are several neighbourhoods where you can buy pirated goods being sold in a market such as you describe. We called it the black market because it seemed exactly like what one would expect a black market to look like.
On a related side note, I purchased a huge collection of DVDs at the black market. Because they are all region free, I can still watch them without issue. The one legitimate DVD that I bought there was The Nightmare Before Christmas; it does not work in North American DVD players.
There was also the grey market. This was a place in an actual building that had all sorts of foreign goods that weren't available anywhere else. I have been lead to believe that everything sold there came directly from a nearby American army base. I just took that at face value and never did any research to confirm whether this is true.
I had always thought it would be underground too, like you'd have to go down into a sewer but it wasn't actually a sewer more underground Middle Eastern bazaar but with lots of Russians.
This sounds like every market I visited in Thailand, all the counterfeit goods were stored in peoples cars and vans parked out back, if you wanted to buy anything you had to wait a minute for a runner to go and grab the counterfeit version.
If someone got wind the police were coming around then the news spread like wildfire and the runners would all disappear to drive off with the knock-off goods leaving just the legitimate merchandise still on display.
I thought it was in a building that didn't have a sign. I always imagined the inside like a group of pawn shops, with very dim lighting, and it was just dark enough that it wasn't possible to see the faces of the shopkeepers from the other side of the counter.
I see this in every thread, I will start explaining to kids what is when I tell them about it, since so many people get it wrong. Or I will mess with them and say I am going to the black market for some eggs. Either way works.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom used to tell me she was throwing Tupperware parties so i always wanted to go as a kid. Turns out they were actually sex toy parties at nudist colonies half the time.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 21:56:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here, mom. I know how much you liked Tupperware, so I got you some.
Didn't realize that was a thing. My sister went to a sex toy party last summer. She told her mother that it was a Tupperware party. It was a running joke in our family for a while.
withbob ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:38:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this just a common thing everywhere except for where I live? Is it a giant orgy? I am so fucking confused.
Nope it's exactly like a Tupperware party just with... Dildos and stuff.
withbob ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:34:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...I don't even know what a tupperware party is.
What the fuck country does this happen? Iceland?
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:45:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
USA. It's like Mary Kay or PartyLite candles - you go to someone's house, there are snacks, there's some sort of product demonstration (with sex toys I am sure that's not the case), everyone gets to look at a bunch of merchandise and the salesperson recommends something to each person at the party. It's playful and silly and there's this horrible pressure to buy something. If you don't know a bunch of moms who like pyramid schemes, I'm not surprised you've never been to a sales party like this.
withbob ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:50:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't go to mom parties on principal. I pretty much would rather let an eel crawl up my ass than go to another one of my sister's kid's stupid fucking birthdays. The last one the kid was 2. Her memory of the event is gonna be a blurry image of DOZENS of snot covered little hipster children. It's not gonna distinctly be lacking something, even if there wasn't even a damn cake. My Nephew's second is coming up, and I'm dreading it.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:59:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kids aren't allowed at these, usually. Although the only reason I've ever been to one of these is because my mom had them at our house growing up.
withbob ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:00:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The dildo party or the tupperware party?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:18:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tupperware lmao
withbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha not quite. It's a party with a consultant that sells sex toys (and other sex-related things). Kind of like Pampered Chef parties if you have those. They talk about the merchandise and then everyone can place orders privately if they want to buy anything.
She's horrible at being organized, but fantastic at selling so I'll basically help keep track of parties, orders, and help set up/tear down the presentations.
Haha what do you think happens at these parties? It's basically someone giving a presentation on the toys. Nobody actually tries it out themselves in front of God and everybody. That's just unsanitary.
Torvaun ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:51:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, you started this thing with "sex toy party at a nudist colony." It's not exactly a huge fucking leap.
My toddler son just went to his first baby shower. On the way, he asked if everyone was going to take a shower together or if it was just for the baby :)
kmck96 ยท 5024 points ยท Posted at 16:27:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad was a manager at a local business and he would come home every few months talking about how he had to fire someone. In my four year old mind I pictured him taking bad employees to a small concrete structure in a remote location, putting them inside, and lighting them on fire. Had no idea it was just telling someone they can't work there anymore.
And somehow I was okay with my father being a serial killer, because Dad can do no wrong.
I think (I hope) that originally it was pictures of two things that resemble each other in different sizes, like a tablet and a smartphone or something, with the caption "Don't talk to me or my son ever again." Now it's generally just a picture of literally anything at all with a smaller version photoshopped in. It is, by far, the dumbest meme ever.
Yeah that's actually what I thought it was from until I googled it earlier.. It's so dumb though I can't believe we're discussing it to such an extent!
It's basically nonsense and in my own humble opinion, not funny. But /r/me_irl is currently doing their best to run it into the ground like they tend to do, so it hopefully shouldn't be around much longer.
Along those same lines, when my dad said something cost "Fifty bucks" I thought he was trading deer for merchandise. I finally got curious and asked him if they were live bucks or dead ones, and where exactly was he keeping all these deer anyway.
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 19:59:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well atleast you're belief is historically right. 50 bucks back in the day of trading would of been 50 deer hides.
This reminds me of a time, in 1st grade I think, where I became the coolest kid to the older, and mean, 4th graders for a similar belief. They were making fun of my Japanese Rainbow Energy Pokemon card. I was feeling pretty sad about that, but didn't know what to say to impress them. A few days earlier I found out that my father had $20, which was an insane amount of money to me at the time. For these mean 4th graders, I figured they would think I and my family were rich, so I told them "YEAH? WELL, my father's got 20 BUCKS!"
Their faces got like this: =O And for about two weeks, I became the popular son of some bad ass deer-slayer.
My mother would hear the market reports talking about the number of shares traded, but she misheard it as chairs. So she imagined that they were somehow in the furniture business.
rodinj ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:42:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll make you an offer you canโt refuse
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:58:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god I had this exact believe too but it was my mother talking how she was worried she'd be fired. I cried so hard because I thought her job was going to kill her with a room flooded with fire.
I remember bawling my eyes out one night my dad came home and told us his friend had been fired. I was probably 4 or 5.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:12:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember when I was younger my mam got a new job, I asked what happened to the old job and she said she 'got the sack'. It was the first time I had heard that expression but I knew it meant she's been fired, so I picture her boss giving her a big potato sack that said 'you're fired' on the front and with all her belongings in it
The sense of "sack, dismiss from employment" is recorded by 1885 (with out; 1887 alone) in American English. This probably is a play on the two meanings of discharge (v.): "to dismiss from a position," and "to fire a gun," influenced by the earlier general sense "throw (someone) out" of some place (1871).
All I can find are urban myth-like references to this meaning without sources. Some sources suggest a connection between firing as in "to fire out from a cannon" and "to dismiss from work", but these are speculative and there is no hard evidence.
The term didn't even come into use until the 1880s, at which point it would not have been deemed acceptable to set bad employees on fire.
I read somewhere, can't find it now of course, that the term was used in the middle-ages. It's probably not true but I like the story so I wish to continue believing it. Basically, back then, your job was pretty much your position in the village. If you were screwing up at your job, you were no longer a good fit for the village. So to give you the hint to go live somewhere else, they'd get together and burn your house down.
Haha! I was at the greyhound bus depot and someone was being escorted off of the bus by the police. I asked my mother why they were holding the man. She said he didn't pay for his ticket. I asked what they were going to do to him. She said they were going to "take care of him". Well in my mafioso kid mind, what happened next was that they took him out back and made him do a headstand so all of the money would fall out of his pockets. Then the police all line up and shot him firing-squad style while he was still doing the headstand.
I vaguely remember when I was little, I wanted my mom to stay home from work, but she said she couldn't because her boss would fire her. I was afraid that her boss was going to light her on fire, and I remember being scared all day thinking she wouldn't come home.
I totally thought this too! Though I imagined them being burned at the stake. I remember my dad told me that Bob Vila had been fired from "This Old House" and I cried because I thought it meant he was dead.
I had something similar to this. When I first heard about someone taking shots of alcohol. I thought they were literally putting alcohol in a syringe and injecting it. It really confused me how they survived that. Although most of the the stories I heard about shots at that age were ones that they used to scare you off drugs and alcohol. So most of them the person died.
Reminds me of my Grandma. She had a student whose father worked in the forestry industry in Northern Ontario, would be gone for months at a time. He'd tell the family he was "doing time up North."
Of course, the question is "What does your father do?" comes around class and little 7 year old Timmy proclaims, "My dad is doing time up North."
Oh, that's interesting. nervous haha
So the mother gets phoned just as a check in to see what the home situation is like. "Timmy said that?? Oh, no, let me explain...."
I remember thinking that my dad had to shoot people for not doing their job. I remember he was having trouble with a new employee, and he was telling my mum that he would recommend to the board that said employee should be fired.
I was picturing a firing squad made up of people in suits, and some hapless incompetent begging for a second chance.
5 year old me was about ready to attack my dad to prevent him from becoming a monster (logic!) but thankfully when my parents asked why I was sobbing, they all had a good laugh and explained it to me.
Me too! I vividly recall bursting into tears the first time I heard about one of my dad's friends getting fired, because I thought he was being burned at the stake or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Brad, your productivity has been below our standards for the last three quarters. We're going to have to necklace you."
aaw4077 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I truly believed this as well. Had terrifying visions of people being set on fire at my Dad's work for so long.
I had this same thought. The first time I ever heard the term "fired" was when I was 4.
I remember my pre-k had a field trip and my mom was driving myself and another boy to wherever we were going. The kid said his favorite football team lost their coach and I said "Yeah! They set him on fire!" My mom was mortified and asked why I would say that and I was like "Well they said they fired him!"
When i was little my dad was a pilot in a naval squadron. Whenever he would come back from a day of flying i always assumed he had managed to park a P3 Orion somewhere on our property. Probably in the attic of the garage... Sneaky bastard.
I told my teacher in kindergarten that my parents names were "Mom" and "Dad", but the weird part was I actually did know their real names, I just thought they were nicknames.
I post this in pretty much every tread that asks about a childhood belief. I grew up with no brothers but 1 male cousin. Sometimes his balls looked huge and sometimes they were all shriveled up (cabin on a cold lake). So naturally I assumed the balls housed the bladder.
The first time I ever saw my grandpas in the same room I went to go introduce them because there was no way they would know each other already. When I found out they already knew each other I tried to figure out from where. My 4 year old brain decided they must have met in the war and been war buddies
Imagine my surprise when I found out my grandpa and grandma from my dads side also had the same names! And so did our neighbors..and some other family friends..?
This was all in a different language but you get the jist.
I assumed that my Aunt Rose's last name was Rose, because of course her first name was Aunt.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kim Kardashian must not have pooped in 20 years then!
[deleted] ยท 2672 points ยท Posted at 16:28:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the big sound barrier walls on the side of the highway were to keep back elephants.
I thought this because my father told me that's what they were for.
[deleted] ยท 1718 points ยท Posted at 17:39:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad would also tell lies, sometimes for effect and sometimes for no reason. For instance, he had a big scar on his arm and he told me it was from a bayonet. I knew he was in a war (Vietnam) so I never questioned it. Turns out he was pulling his friend out of a bar fight and got cut without even realizing it.
But the craziest one was this: He told me that he had once almost cut his thumb off while whittling. I heard this story a lot. I asked him what he was whittling, he said "A boat." I asked what other kinds of things he whittled and he said "mostly boats." I asked why I had never seen one and he said "because it got to the point where I had whittled so many boats and they were all over the house that my first wife [not my mom] threw them all away and I never whittled again." Fast forward 20+ years and I got him a whittling kit for his birthday. He called me to say he received it and mentioned he would "have to learn to whittle." I said "what do you mean? you used to whittle all those boats." And he was like "what?" So I told him the story he had told me and he started laughing hysterically. Crying laughing. Couldn't catch his breath. Turns out he had made the whole thing up. Apparently he had once cut his thumb whittling but it was the first time he had ever tried to whittle anything and he never did it again. My dad was a weird dude.
TL; DR- My dad tells me this elaborate lie about whittling. Years later I buy him a whittling kit and he is confused because he forgot the lie. I tell him the lie and he laughs himself silly at his own comic genius.
It is an industry that exists purely because the studios are bad at licensing their content online in a sensible manner and ISP's are doing their best to throttle bandwidth and discourage streaming.
Redbox's business model is "hope those things never change."
OMG my mother told me the same thing. She told me they got annoyed if you pressed the 'walk' button too many times, and would make the wait longer.
Of course, as a grown-up, I know this not to be true. But when my husband and I were first dating, we were waiting at a crosswalk, and he kept pressing the button.
"Don't do that!" I said, like he was the stupidest man alive. "It makes it slower to change!"
"What? Why?"
"Because..." and then I realized, even if I thought I didn't believe in grouchy traffic light gnomes, some deep inner part of me totally, totally did.
my Dad would see one of those signs on a cliff that says "Beware of Falling rocks" he would then spin a tale about a shunned Native American named chief falling rocks, who of course had gone rogue after being banished from civilization and his tribe alike. Now there are signs that read this to warn people that he has been sighted in the area throwing rocks on-top of cars. 6 year old me ate that shit up.
My dad told me toll booth workers lived in an underground city under toll booths. When I asked if we could go visit them he told me they were very secretive and didn't let outsiders in.
It wasn't until I was 17 and drove through my first toll booth and asked the guy about it that I realized it was a lie...
hennell ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:49:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, that is how they work...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:49:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody told me that, but that's what I seriously thought! A little roly-poly guy with tiny legs who waddles around the light chamber with big light bulbs trying to shove them in place in time.
My dad told me to never put batteries in wrong or the device would explode and kill you. When I saw someone about to f it up, I would act like a grenade was about to go off. I did this for an embarrassingly long time.
When I was a kid I always though streetlights were controlled by people watching for through cameras or something. Like an air traffic controller room but for traffic lights.
There was a show about this called the lampies or something like that
Ofreo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They built a new Target store near my house and had these big red concrete balls in front of the door to keep cars from running into people and the store. I told my son they killed giant clowns to but under the building to support the store but their noses stick out of the ground. He asked about it the next time trying to figure out if I was serious. He was only 4 at the time. Now we joke about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similarly enough, I thought that tiny bears lived in traffic lights. When the lights were read that means the bears were sleeping. Green was awake, and yellow was busy.
They are also under the hood of your car making the noises and powering it. When you fuel up your car you're actually putting in food for them
glisp42 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:42:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad would drink, he would womanize. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
My dad had a game where he would see how much crap he could make us believe.
Examples:
-you don't want those gumballs, gumballs are made by sticking a rock in a cows lip until it gets soft.
-teriyaki pork on a stick was actually cat meat.
-the wind comes from a giant fan outside of town. I wanted to be the person that turns on the fan.
-we had our dryer give out so we got a used one. It was off balance and so it would sometimes shake the whole house. When asked what that shaking was, he told us that it was the day changing from Monday to Tuesday.
-this special sauce my mom made for some meat we had. My dad loved it but I never knew what it tasted like.... Because he told us it was earwax sauce
-mom wanted a palm tree in our yard. Instead of buying one, my dad went to an island and dug one up. To transplant it, you had to dig all of the sand out of the roots. He didn't want to so he told us that pirates bury treasure maps at the bottom of palm trees. Gotta hand it to him... It was pretty effective.
-there's a little man in the fridge that turns the light on when you open it.
-if you eat too much candy, your brain will melt out of your ears. Candy was replaced with whatever he wanted us to stop doing, like bickering, watching TV, talking too much.
-when we were "bored" he'd tell us to watch a movie. We'd tell him "but dadddddd we've already seen all the movies on the shelf" and he would insist that we definitely blinked at sometime during the movie therefore missed some of the best parts.
I've told some of these before on Reddit I think.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some of those are very creative
HBlight ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:44:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whittle did he know that it would come back to him one day.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:04:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad has a huge scar on his side and he always told me he was attacked by a shark. My mom told me many years later that it was from a surgery he had as a kid.
My dad has told similar lies, but enough of them have been proven to be true that no one in the family knows what to believe. It also helps that, when cornered, my dad has the ability to strum his guitar, say "that's a story for another day" and leave you standing their contemplating the veracity of what he just said as he makes his escape.
One time when I was around 6 my dad and I were driving down the road. There was a dog in a car we passed with his head out the window. I remarked on how cute he looked. My dad responded with "yeah, it's really cute until you see a Golden Retriever's head on the side of the road."
My dad was a firefighter for 30+ years, and I knew he responded to traffic accidents pretty regularly. I assumed he had seen a Golden Retriever's head on the side of the road, and I spent at least five years horrified that people let their dogs sick their heads out of the windows of their cars.
I finally asked my dad about went people did that, and he just laughed at me. He didn't even remember saying that. It was a confusing time for me.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:42:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck is whittling?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is carving an object from a block of wood with a small knife
So my dad. I used to ask him questions to stupid things like how televisions worked, how our country came about, just curious shit. Anything he told me I would retain and assume correct. I learned to stop raising my hand in school.
My dad has a scar on his stomach from surgery and he told me when I was 3 that he fought ninjas on a roof and he got a cut on his stomach. I believed this til I was 10 when I asked my mom about it and she told me that it was a lie.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's funny is I've told my mom things about my dad that she thought were a lie that were actually true. Within the past year I mentioned that my dad had a close friend die in combat in Vietnam while they were both escaping gunfire. She said that wasn't true because my dad worked a desk job in Vietnam. I had his papers and could see he had combat stars, which only get for engaging the enemy. I also had talked to a friend of his from the service. He lied to my mom to avoid talking about how bad it was.
My grandpa only had half his big toe and he told us that a frog bit it off while he was swimming in his pool, we were scared of frogs for years. Later found out it was an on the job injury from when he worked at Weyerhaeuser.
Question: did your dad ever actually attempt whittling after he got the kit?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:16:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not that I am aware of. I cleaned out his apartment after he passed and found the kit but nothing whittled. Kit didn't look used. My dad had some depression issues and likely just put it to the side and forgot about it. I found several presents I'd gotten him through the years still sealed. Things that I knew he liked.
My Dad used to tell me ridiculous stories like that. He told me dolphins were hairy because they are mammals and most mammals are hairy. When you see dolphins in captivity they have to shave them because the water is warmer, not like the sea. And they do the same in movies because they don't film in the actual ocean and most people know them without hair so if they all had hair people would freak out. He told me my Grandad used to shave dolphins for a living (after his career as an underwater brick layer, yet another fantastic fatherly lie).
Believed it for years.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:45:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna get drunk with him and have him explain the world to me.
[deleted] ยท 413 points ยท Posted at 16:43:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't even scratch the surface of the lies that man told me. When questioned about it recently he told me "That's why I had kids, to mess with them"
I am somewhat of an explorer, as in I like to get lost when I am somewhere for the first time and having to figure out how to reach my destination without a GPS.
I don't care if I get lost along the way, because I like walking and looking at things.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On a trip to Yellowstone, I told my brother that the Grand Teton mountains were owned by China, and that's where they grew tea, "Teton" being Chinese for "Tea Mountain."
That's silly. Every knows they're owned by France.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:36:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told us that his first language wasn't English; it was Sanskrit.
It was English.
-Mantis ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:12:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me the same thing WTF. He told me that because he was a very independent child (true) and he went around on his own a lot as a very little kid (true) he learned Sanskrit first (false).
Damn being born during a massive blizzard in the African Serengeti? Was that the time all those volcanoes exploded and velociraptors fell from the sky?
wiiya ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:07:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Calvin?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:10:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, but now that I think about it my dad might be a fan
My dad told me that the wires around small trees in downtown were because they were "wild" trees. He also told me that feral cats lived on the moon at night. I can't tell you how many times we went shopping and he had me searching for a can of "Howhaveyou Beans"
nthai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad lied to me all the time growing up. Sometimes to an unbelievable extent. Growing up 4-5 years old (preschool and kindergarten), my (stay at home) dad always told me that he worked for the Pentagon at night and my mom worked at the car wash (helicopter would pick him up at night and he'd be back by morning) I had no idea what the pentagon even was, I just took it at face value since I was so young. I had no idea how jobs worked.
So in kindergarten, we were sharing what our parents did for a living. Obviously I told them my dad worked at the Pentagon and my mom worked at the car wash. My parents ended up getting a phone call from the school that day because the school wanted to make sure I wasn't disclosing any "confidential government material".
Turns out my dad is a professional musician and my mom is a nurse/lawyer. el. oh. el.
This reminds me of an old, classic ad for Telstra here in Australia. Kid in the car with his dad and asks dad "Why did the build the Great Wall of China?"
Dad replies "well... It was built by General Nasi Goreng to keep the rabbits out, too many rabbits in China" and then the kid delivers that as a report to his class.
That dad and son had a whole series of ads with similar situations.
My dad told me I was part Sherpa. And that I shouldn't be afraid of heights because my ancestors used to climb Everest all the time. I told multiple teachers that i was part Sherpa... Until 8th grade.
One time I asked my mom what that sound was when the car would run over the rumble strips on the highway. She said it was the car running over "lines on the road" but at the time I thought she said "lions". So for YEARS in my mind these lions were some how running into the street and getting tangled up under our car and roaring in pain, causing the noise.
I told my son they were to keep alligators out. (Thanks Florida!!) He still tells me this randomly when we're driving. Glad I taught the kid something.
My dad is a pretty tan guy. Except he's not tan like you think of a tan person. It's hard to explain. I remember asking while he was so tan and he told me that his father was black. It was a long time until I found out that I, the pale read head, was not 1/4 black.
My dad used to tell us they were to keep the monkeys off the road! I'm from a very small town and now I'm sad because we only saw them in big cities, like Detroit. I'm not sure if he was making a racist remark or just being silly. I've never known my dad to be at all racist, so I'm going to stay in my happy place and go with silly.
Wait those are for sound?? I never really contemplated what they were there for. I knew it was to divide residences from the highway, but are they really for sound???
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll throw in my story of a ridiculous lie my dad told me and my brother. When I was little my dad was a navigator/bombadier in the Air Force on the B-52. He mentioned once that he flew over our elementary school and said the next time he did it he could drop a bomb on the school if me and my brother would like. We both thought this was awesome because we didn't like school (but not realizing a bomb getting dropped on it would be really bad for us). Every day for the next little while at recess whenever a B-52 would fly over I would look up expecting a bomb to fall out onto the school. When it didn't I just assumed it wasn't my dad's B-52.
Driving through West Virginia in the mountains there are signs that say look out for falling rocks. My grandfather decided to tell 6 year old me that "falling rock" was the name of a famous Cherokee Indian and that we should be careful and stay on the lookout for him. I have never been so attentive in my life.
When I was in fourth grade, our teacher read Harriet the Spy to us and it mentions that Harriet hated Charlie Chaplin movies. That stuck with me a long time, thinking I should dislike Chaplin too.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:11:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, me too! Over 250 upvotes so we're not alone
You know when you go to the polls to vote for President, and there are all of these other candidates for elected office, and you have no idea who they are or even the nature of the positions they're running for, so you just randomly tick the boxes because the only candidates you know anything about are the presidential candidates?
Here in Mรฉxico, home of fajitas and corruption, the politic group that is actually in charge of the presidency takes all the empty votes and mark them to they favor.
Same here, compatriot. Rob Morrow is nuts but he cracks me up and hopefully this will be a lesson to people about just taking wild guesses on the ballot.
That's why no matter how hard anyone tries you can't get rid of Feinstein. She's like AIDS, unless we make some kind of breakthrough it's there until death. That she probably caused.
Balony1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do these people get alot of power/influence? How long has this been happening and why dont more people focus on these guys?
Okay so basically, people are just pretty apathetic about politics in general. The presidential election is all over the news, so most people who go to the polls ONLY know about those two candidates. However, on Election Day, you step up to a ballot where they have listed every candidate for every office. And congressmen are there too but most Americans don't even know who their local senate or house representative is. So because congressmen are so immune to the spotlight (because of general apathy and ignorance), they do shady shit and, even scarier, believe crazy ass things. Like that the world is 6,000 years old, for example. We actually have politicians who are convinced of that specifically.
So yes, considerable power and influence gained by being able to sneak into relevance through boring public offices nobody pays attention to.
Funny how if he was a Republican the reply to the comment asking how he got elected would be "corruption" or "dumbass conservative voters" yet since he's a Democrat it's just a whoopsie.
People are always shocked to find the politicians they've put in power are actually complete fucking idiots.
They didn't take a special "how to run the country" class at school. They typically just took a pile of their father's money and paid people to say what was needed for you to put a tick in a box.
I realized this many years ago when I briefly dated a man who turned out to be a decent chess player but otherwise pretty much an idiot (and kind of creepy). He ran for office and almost made it. He was so close to holding office, I realized at that moment what fucking idiots we all are to allow that to happen.
I'm quite sure he was talking metaphorically to make a point. That 8,000 troops would be difficult to sustain on an island that small without a huge impact on the island from a commercial and environmental standpoint. Deadpan humor, as stated in the article.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He was recovering from some kind of illness at the time that caused him confusion and left him "an empty shell of a man". He tried to pass it off as a joke but I think a combination of confusion and probably a dash of stupidity are to blame.
purdu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:44:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no, he came out and said he had hep C and that interfered with his mental acuity and made him forget how islands work
I imagine that during his campaign, nobody asked him what he thought about how islands work.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 22:33:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good grief are you guys slow. It is like all of reddit is dominated by tiny Ralph Wiggums.
The man is obviously using what we adults refer to as a metaphor here. He is talking about the environmental balance of the island (balance is big for Buddhists, he happens to be one).
purdu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no he wasn't he had hep C and said that was interfering with his mental acuity and made him forget how islands work
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:55:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry Ralph, but that's not how Hep C nor confusion works...
It was an obvious metaphor.
purdu ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:12:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So why if it was a metaphor why would he bring up these concerns about the island tipping over and then say he is "also" concerned about the environmental impact and when the Admiral responded as if it was a serious question he doesn't bother clarifying or correcting, if the metaphor doesn't land then it was poor communication. Watch the video, he sounds stoned out of his mind, fatigue and confusion from Hep C makes more sense than an attempt at a shitty metaphor
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 22:38:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is a metaphor.
I don't know if you use big words like that where you come from, but metaphor means that you use an image of sorts to describe some specific situation.
In this case he is suggesting a tiny island in the middle of the ocean might be ecologically devastated if a huge military base is expanded.
He is a Buddhist so it makes a lot of sense to use such a metaphor. The religion talks a whole lot about balance and equilibrium and such stuff.
It didn't sound like a metaphor when he is making hand movements of an island flipping over and capsizing. Did you watch the video?
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 01:39:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
he is making hand movements
You really, really have no clue what the word metaphor means, huh? It's OK...just goole it and Uncle_Google will let you know.
I always wonder why they put those stupid warning labels on different commodities. You know the ones I am talking about? Like this one on washers: "Do not put any person in this washer".
If you actually read the congressman literally here, I suppose you are one of the folks that need literal explanations for how to use a washer.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 02:13:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess folks in Georgia are just idiots then, huh?
Lived in Georgia for a few years. So, FYI, DeKalb county is not some redneck outpost. It is more or less packed with transplants from the Midwest and Northeast. The place is pretty similar to places like Long Island, NY or Bellevue, WA.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:25:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always love how the other guy just takes it in stride. I would probably just stare at the congressman for a good minute before laughing my ass off for another 5, but he's just "we don't anticipate that happening"
the funny part isn't the guy who thought guam would tip over, but rather the guy who presumably had to have the credentials to convince him it wouldn't with congressional testimony.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could not be that admiral. I would have laughed hysterically and called him out on his stupidity. Instead, we get "Uh, well, we don't anticipate that." But I'd guess the admiral is thinking "you fucking idiot..."
If you listen to the whole speech in context, he's using a colorful metaphor for too many people overwhelming the island's infrastructure. He did not literally thing the island would capsize. He's a politician, so the odds of his also being an idiot are high, but ridicule should be based in what he actually says, not lazy misunderstandings of it.
If you listen to the whole speech in context, he's using a colorful metaphor for too many people overwhelming the island's infrastructure. He did not literally thing the island would capsize. He's a politician, so the odds of his also being an idiot are high, but ridicule should be based in what he actually says, not lazy misunderstandings of it.
This made perfect sense to me, too! I figured that was how you told the difference between a continent and an island - a continent was too big to swim under. That's why Australia was a continent, even though it looked like an island.
I thought this too and was baffled when I found out it wasn't true.
few23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similar, but I believed land was held up by scaffolding built by scuba-diving welders. I think I had misunderstood something I had seen on tv, and had it exacerbated by my Dad. Exposed in front of entire kindergarten class when I thought I was being all smart and answering the question, "Where did the land come from?" To be fair, this was also the teacher who told her class that lipstick was made from pasteurized human feces. So, I guess that was another one.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who is 19 and still believed this up until a couple weeks ago.
BOBIDDY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that too! I thought scuba divers could swim down and see across the continent, like it was a flat rock sitting about 50 feet off the ocean floor.
Nope, all islands are firmly connected. There could be masses of logs or trash floating around big enough to be small islands, but that's the only exception I can think of.
Efrajm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know better until middle school.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boy, i do feel dumb now... How could i not know this? They never taught this in school. Yeah, that's right, i'll blame the government! Fuck the po-po i'mma go jaywalk across the street at night!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:05:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you trying to be edgy?
That's okay. I'm a bit of an edgelord (in my mind) myself.
I spent my first 8 years in Russia where sex was a topic that was never discussed. As a result, I had no idea about it. I mean, none.
I thought that babies came as a result of liking someone a lot. I had a huge crush on some boy in my 1st grade class and at one point when I was constipated, I thought it was our child forming. I remember thinking, "oh no, I'm too young for this!"
My parents NEVER discussed sex at all, never with me, and I was incredibly ignorant of it for the longest time. When I was 11, we had "sex ed" but all they did was tell us about the changes to our bodies (like boys got to learn about male puberty and girls only learned about female puberty) When they told us about semen they said: Every now and then, semen comes out and can impregnate the girl. They didn't tell us how this happens, but they told us about wet dreams, so I figured parents slept together and the man would have a wet dream, and that was how it worked. I also had NO idea what girls had downstairs til a year or two later when we got a computer and I found porn. Then I understood how it worked. I also didn't realize that what I was doing was masturbating til I put context clues together from other kids joking about it.
Zirai ยท 311 points ยท Posted at 21:20:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha. My parents told me something similar. The speech was something along the lines of "When a mommy and daddy like each other and kiss and stuff, something from the daddy goes into the mommy to make a baby."
Based on the explanation, I assumed that kissing was the important part and it was some substance inside saliva that caused babies to happen. They weren't very amused when I started asking them why two mommies couldn't have a baby in front of my very conservative grandparents.
Dude I actually thought at some point one of my dad's balls would travel up through his body, out his mouth, and into my mom's while they were making out.
Some record store (Tower Records IIRC) had an ad where the kid asked his dad where babies came from. The dad's answer began: "When a man loves a woman, they're gettin' jiggy with it..."
My parents are open about sex and talked to me about it from an early age, but I didn't hear anything about oral sex until maybe middle school. Initially I thought kissing = oral sex.
Zarbi92 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:28:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's kind of adorable, because it totally makes sense in a way.
Like, as a kid, you might know that oral means words/mouth. So, oral sex would be word or mouth sex.
Zarbi92 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:43:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't learn until I was 17. I found out by asking a guy during a cyber session if he could call so we could have some "hot oral". At 13-17 I thought it meant phone sex. Before that was the whole "dirty talk" but I did know what fellatio and cunnilingus meant since I was 11.
That's interesting--I knew what fellatio was maybe in middle school, but I didn't figure out what cunnilingus was till my sophomore year, via the internet.
I'm a goddamn lesbian
Zarbi92 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:00:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gay.
I also got an encyclopedia set when I was around 10. I would just sit and read it. That's how I learned every "dirty" word i knew at those ages. I remember attempting to cyber with some guy at 12 saying things like "I perform fellatio on your penis"oh god. The cringe.
I thought the same thing about kissing--I thought some chemicals were exchanged during a kiss and it led to a baby. It made sense to me. I also thought that something about a wedding ceremony sort of activated those chemicals.
I heard about a woman who had several children without being married and I thought that was really interesting. I assumed she was some kind of medical marvel.
My mother explained it as 'a game mummy and daddy play'. Of course I responded with 'who wins?' Apparently she always won.
Still creeps me out to this day that that's a feasible explanation in a parents mind...
a few years ago for my 25th bday a bunch of friends and I went to the LA Zoo to celebrate (being animal and beer lovers, what could go wrong?)
I'm pretty tipsy and we're at the giraffe enclosure, there's a family next to us: mom and dad were in their early/mid 30's with a young child around 4-5 and another small child in a stroller around 1... a super cute baby giraffe starts making his/her way around the compound and gets pretty close to us with her mom and I hear the older child say "daddy where did that baby giraffe come from?!" in a very innocent tone, he was not asking a literal question.... clearly annoyed father in sunglasses pushing the stroller casually says "its mothers' vagina, just like you did son, we've talked about this. giraffe's have sex just like mommy and I did, the same way we had your little brother." .......mom was taking pictures of the giraffes and not really paying attention but my friend and I heard the whole thing and had to walk away confused and laughing. totally cool, raise your kids how you like but damn the kid was so confused, clearly still not understanding the science of it all.
hopefully they took them to the zebras next where the male had his huge dick out trying to penetrate everything, and then to the monkey enclosure where they just spent the whole time licking each other's asses.
at 25, I learned to never take my children to a zoo if I didn't want to talk about "nature"
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:58:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yeah she's into the science part of it which is cool! when she gets curious about the "hows" you should say aliens and see if she takes your word for it! i mean what's the point of having a kid if you don't mess with them a little right? :)
I had this exact misconception. I had an understanding of evolution, and was confused why sperm (created ALL the way down there) would have to travel through your whole body to get into your mouth. Seemed so inefficient.
I also had never seen what was on the inside of a condom package, so I figured it was something like a nicotine patch.
Well, technically speaking, two mommies did have a baby.
Brunoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a fairly normal post but They weren't very amused when I started asking them why two mommies couldn't have a baby in front of my very conservative grandparents made it damn awesome!
My parents never really gave me the talk. Once, when i was in the car with my dad at about the age of 12 and he looks at me and says, " i think its time we talk about sex." I just said "nope" and put my headphones on.
For me, because sex was always referred to as "sleeping together" or "sleeping with" someone, I assumed that sleeping in the same bed caused it to happen, like some kind of osmosis that happens when you share the same space while you're sleeping on a regular basis. If I thought really hard about it, I may have occasionally thought that prolonged skin-on-skin contact might be necessary, but I never got that far in my train of thought very often until sex ed class in 5th grade.
D-Shap ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:03:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should read freud. He thinks everything boils down to sex and has a lot about talking to kids about sex.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:29:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, the stuff we try to piece together with no knowledge.
I was lucky by the time I lost my virginity, I at least knew what to do, though the awkwardness of two virgins is kind of adorable in hindsight.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:14:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sex ed is a fucking joke. There was a big issue in my province a few months (maybe a year now) ago about them adding a lot to the sex ed courses, the new courses started around 1st grade explaining consent (something i was only taught of by cartoons) moving up to, in later years, explaining more extensive aspects such as anal sex and what not (the new curriculum also included gay sex i believe)
And tons of parents were pissed off about it, these parents included my own and several of my friends, the same parents who neglected to teach any of us anything to begin with.
I really dont understand their game plan, like, "okay, so we wont ever teach our kids about sex, and them hopefully theyll only stumble onto it when theyre old enough to be married and have kids"? How is that supposed to turn out?
It turns out VERY awkwardly. We had a group come in and teach us all the laws about consent when I was in 10th grade. That stuff stuck to me, and it was probably the only time my high school acknowledged that kids have sex
The first time I ever saw the phrase "jacking off," even with no context, I thought "that must be what that thing I've been doing is called." It describes it so perfectly.
iluomo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:29:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you the person who posted in /r/confession yesterday about how they might be their brother's father because he had slept in the bed with his mother naked as a kid until he started having wet dreams.
I have never even heard of that sub, but that must have been an amazing thread. But if I'm somehow my brothers father, then there must be some freaky time travel shit happening somewhere
Binanaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:31:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similar thing here, parents never discussed it and just assumed i knew by the age of 12. To their credit, they were right, i knew how sex worked by then...
I also didn't realize that what I was doing was masturbating til I put context clues together
The first time I masturbated, I thought I had had a seizure, because I was lying in bed, holding my dick, and felt like thrashing my arms and legs around would be good. Did that until I finished, thought I had epilepsy.
Oh god, by fifteen I knew I was doing it, and never telling anyone, but also making fun of kids who admitted to do it because I didn't want to be made fun of too.
Man... I feel bad about that now too, and I'm sure the other kids were hypocrites about it too. By 16 I had better friends who were open and nonjudgemental of others masturbatory habits... but at 14-15, no one admitted it, not even the guys.
The exact same thing happened to me. I didn't realize women had a separate hole for the vagina, I thought it was part of the asshole. Thanks, christian school. I didn't find out about the actual vagina (besides its function) until 9th/10th grade when I was looking at porn.
I just thought that area "absorbed" the semen after the men had a wet dream.
God damn, could you imagine if they were actually honest and open with kids about the human body?
But, c'est la vie. They'll learn, and some of them will even have babies before they're ready because they didn't know what they were doing.
I have actually heard stories about a girl who said she never had sex, but then got pregnant because her boyfriend lied to her and said that what they were doing wasn't sex.
I was put through Catholic school, and I believed for many years, probably up to age 11 or 12, that sex was a disgusting thing that only sinful dirty people did.
I also was getting erections about age 9 or 10 or so and not knowing what they were.
I remember one time my mother was complaining that the bathroom had pee stains and that the boys in the house had to do a better job of aiming. I complained "But sometimes it sticks straight up and you can't control where it goes!" My stepfather just about turned pure white.
I will never understand sheltering your children from sex, I remember being taught about sex when I was in first grade and I think that it actually helped a lot with growing up because there was no super awkward talk that put me out of anything and I knew the risks from the beginning. I mean if you don't want these up sides to teaching then by all means leave it to your school to teach your kids.
Well I learned ALL the gory details pretty much a month into living in the US. Second grade, technically.
But for me it was like night and day. One minute I knew absolutely nothing about sex or anything surrounding it. One day learned every intimate detail from a friend's older sister.
It's not exactly sheltering. There is just no sex ed in Russia, and many parents don't think it's necessary to talk about it to their children. After all, everyone just learns all that stuff from their peers or Internet or somewhere else.
Interesting. I thought Russia and Eastern Europe in general are pretty open about sex. Maybe not as much as Western Europe, but still more so than the US.
Yeah but nudity does not equal sex. I may have seen lady nipples but I still knew nothing of smushing genitals together.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:18:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Children's sexual misconceptions are weird. I remember when I was really little, my parents never taught me about sex, I was left to piece stuff together on my own. Even though I'd seen animals mating on the Discovery channel, and knew that was how they had babies, I assumed that "mating" was a dirty primitive thing for animals and that humans conceived through a more mystical, spiritual force that took place when a man and a woman fell in love. (Was super sheltered and wasn't even aware of gay people of course.)
I remember my mom was watching some cheesy soap opera once where a woman had had a miscarriage and declared to her lover that "The baby died because our love died." In my young mind, love was the mystical creative and sustaining force of gestating life and so having a miscarriage due to the relationship failing made perfect sense as that was literally how it worked.
At 5 years old, I found one of my dad's porn mags that was all blowjobs and figured this was how babies were made. My mom was pregnant around that time so I must have alluded to this while talking to my dad. He was caught off-guard and wanted to know where I got that idea. He was embarrassed I found the mag and struggled to correct the misunderstanding and tried to simplify the truth for my age level, but unfortunately I really didn't understand it not being blowjobs and insisted that must be it. Must have been so cringe-inducing for him.
MHG73 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:37:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents told me when you want a baby the daddy plants his seed in the mommy's tummy and a baby grows. I thought that men had special seeds like plant seeds that they would put in women's belly buttons to grow babies.
My parents sort of forgot to teach me about vaginas until a kind of late age. I had been born by c-section, and my parents were very open with me about how that worked and about the fact that most moms didn't have c-sections but rather had their babies "come out between their legs." I imagined a kind of horror-film-esque sequence of a baby tearing through the mom's flesh until I saw the word "vagina" on a pamphlet at some clinic or hospital and asked my mom about it.
Pure relief that I didn't have to tell my mom I had a baby.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know what sex was until I was 10... Needless to say that was the same year I watched porn and started wanking. I was so confused as to what cum was, and was scared of orgasms XD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does any country teach sex education at that age? I grew up in America and had some sex education when I was 11, and even that was more about puberty than actual sex. I was 10 when I found out what sex even was. I went to school in a pretty liberal area too.
phforNZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to the global issue that is no one wanting to teach kids about sex.
1st grade and already thinking of babies? I'd never heard of sex at all at that time either but it never crossed my mind.
DEMUXOR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:53 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant story:
When my mom was pregnant with my sister she got my brothers and I showing us where babies came from, specifically a lot of pictures of embryos growing and developing. However, it also contained the terms "sperm" and "egg". I had no Idea what they were, just assumed they were like pollen or something floating around in the air.
Fast forward to when my mom dropped us off at a friends house to stay the night while she went to the hospital for the delivery. As she and my dad are driving off, I called out across the street "Bye! Let us know the next time you have sperm!" I don;t remember any of the adult's reactions, but I can imagine...
If a kid asks the questions, why lie or give fake explanations? An 8 year old is not stupid and puberty is looming. I got my period when I was 10. I wish someone would have explained sex ed better to me. It was horrifying.
Syarasu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:53:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
8-10 is a pretty normal age to talk about sex in school/ with parents.
Dunno where you're from, but at 8 all my peers and I knew about sex was from stuff we told each other or TV. I'd find it very weird for an 8 year old to be given sex ed, considering it's nothing they'll be interested in or need to know for like 4 years.
I'm not saying I expected a sex talk at 8. I just mean I had no idea about it whatsoever. There was no media presence about it, I had never even heard the word in passing.
All I'd ever been told at that point were stories of finding children in cabbage patches or carried over by storks when a mommy and a daddy loved each other very much.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ya, I have no idea what kind of sex education she expected.
I thought that you had a set amount of blood. I didn't realize that the body makes more. So I freaked out at any cut because I thought I was losing something that I couldn't get back and that it would eventually lead to death if I lost enough through these tiny cuts.
I remember there was a movie with Eddie Murphy where there was a magic tree that lost a leaf every time he said a word. If the tree lost all its leaves, RIP
I just googled it and found the movie: a thousand words
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:50:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Technically, that last part isn't completely wrong.
Hah, that's great. When did you stop thinking that? My little sister thought the same thing, but with spilt liquid? She was 3 or 4 and I guess she thought if you spilled something there would just be a permanent slippery puddle and it stressed her out. I remember her always exclaiming "It'll dry!?"
I thought that if I ate too much it would pile up my thorat. Like I didn't understand digestion and just thought everyone had a set amount they could eat in their life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought something similar to this but with food. I didn't know how digestion worked and I thought the food just piled up and then I would be finished eating for good.
I actually went to a Civil (or Revolutionary? Can't remember) War reenactment place as a field trip in first grade and I guess I must have misremembered the whole experience because I have memories of the "field medic" telling us that common treatments for ailments included "bleeding" the patient (i.e. drawing huge amounts of blood and disposing of it to get rid of the toxins, or whatever), which was faulty medicine and a big deal since you're born with a set amount of blood and can never get it back once it's gone. This led to 6-year-old me wondering why anyone would voluntarily donate blood if it meant saying goodbye to large portions of your precious, dwindling blood supply. It probably wasn't until eighth or ninth grade that I finally realized I had been wrong this whole time!
Ofreo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:58:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My son got a cut and was crying much more than he should have been. I wiped off the blood from his finger and he asked me to put it back in. I imagine he thought this as well.
Bro, I'm 16. And I thought the same thing until just reading this...
a2soup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Um. Are/were you terrified of getting scrapes and cuts? Because they are leading directly to your death? Or did you figure you had plenty of blood to spare, so a few cuts wouldn't matter?
I convinced myself that my saliva would work like a narcotic on chocolate easter bunnies, so they would't feel the pain of me eating them.
I made sure to lick their ears carefully, then wait a few seconds until the stupefaction set in before munching them down.
kasteen ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 06:39:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, there have been studies that have shown that saliva does have a slight anesthetic effect as well as a coagulant. It's definitely not strong enough to block the agony of a double chocolate ear amputation, though. So, you are still a monster.
Husper ยท 1919 points ยท Posted at 17:06:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had very ill fitting windows when I was a child.
My parents would often complain about keeping the curtains closed to keep the 'draughts' out.
I naturally assumed they were saying 'giraffes'.
Spent a few years living in fear that angry giraffes roamed the neigbourhood and would smash through any uncovered windows to try and get to the light.
iamdoug ยท 741 points ยท Posted at 20:05:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
spent five minutes saying "draughts" in different accents trying to make it sound like "giraffes"
"gh" is never pronounced "f" at the start of a word, and "ti" is never pronounced as "sh" at the end of the word. English pronunciation has a lot of context-specific rules which the whole "ghoti" meme conveniently ignores.
-Mantis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So do most languages, but "English fucking sucks!" /s
If it helps, I have a very strong New Jersey accent, with a hint of stereotypical Boston thrown in, and draft/giraffe/draught all sound very VERY similar.
Biuku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also had this misconception. I was very confused why there would be giraffes in the bathroom when I was taking a bath. Why will they come in if we open the door? I didn't get it.
I spent a long time thinking it was giraffes too. I knew it was a draught but my mind thought of cold air giraffes just sneaking in the house to make people cold.
ginfish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:36:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking hell, it took a lot not to laugh out loud at work.
Ha ha! I remember hearing about the giraffes too! Were you in California? Maybe it's something about the accent. I wasn't afraid of them though, I wanted to see them.
JezzaN1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember my mum referring to a pair of pants i had as 'khaki' except because she is half-english (we live in australia) she still has a tiny bit of an accent on some words.. for about ten years i wondered why the colour of these pants were 'car-key', because all of the keys i had seen were silver or gold.
I did this too and my parents would always tease me for it!
gsav55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm drunk at the bar I like to tell people that droughts is German for giraffes and that they are called that because the tap has a long neck like a giraffe
I remember telling my friends in kindergarten that we still had baby food in our toes. I thought once you filled up to your waist that's when you poop. My smarter friend doubted it until I asked her how else it would work.
alandp ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 19:27:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thats not true?
dacria ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:39:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The queen does actually have an annual tea party where they invite a heap of people, and some of them are regular people. My parents got an invite and naturally the queen was in her own tent with her family while the commoners got a free lunch an a wander through the grounds.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:44:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
03fb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:07:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that British people ate actual american southern style biscuits with their tea. Which I thought was kid of weird. Biscuits in the UK are cookies, which makes much more sense.
I had a canadian nanny growing that my mom paid under the table. When I was young, say three years old, she would place as much food on my plate as on hers, and I wouldn't be allowed to leave the table until I had eaten every last bite. This lead to frequent night time vomits. :(
Anyway, she lead me to believe that everyone got to eat with the queen and that if you didn't finish your meal before she finished hers, OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!
I was staying at my Grandma's house for the weekend when i was a kid. Cookies and milk were a staple of these weekend visits.
One fateful night we got our special treat as usual before bed. I ate my two cookies but I was not satisfied, I needed more. I snuck into the kitchen and took another while no one was looking.
I sill needed more of those sugary delights. So I decided I would be a good boy and ask this time. My Grandma told me I couldn't have another one. She explained that if I had three cookies it would be too much sugar for my body to handle and I would dissolve away into thin air. I asked about my bones, and she said they would evaporate as well.
I spent that whole night scared to death I was going to evaporate, I could swear at times it was it happening. It was the most terrifying night of my young life. For a long time after that I believed that if I ate too much sugar, I was done for. Thanks Grandma, for saving me from a lifetime of obesity.
[deleted] ยท 1275 points ยท Posted at 17:34:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your grandma was hilarious, I imagined her saying this in a grandmotherly way.
"aand.. and my bones grandma? would my bones dissolve too?"
Oooh yes, they would disolve away into the thin air too my dear.
DoDaDrew ยท 750 points ยท Posted at 19:23:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She knew you ate 3 cookies already and was playing Grandma jokes on you.
She totally won.
Gbiknel ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:41:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not really, cuz when he didn't die he probably thought he was a super hero.
DoDaDrew ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:29:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what makes it a Grandma joke. She gets to laugh and scare you for a little bit, you wake up feeling like a hero and together you have a funny story when you're older. Everybody wins
-Mantis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:45:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you are told that x causes y, and you don't do x out of fear, that is a trick by your father.
If you are told that x causes y after you did x, that is a trick by your grandmother.
If you are told that x causes y and you do x because of that, you may or may not be Calvin.
Bozzz1 ยท 244 points ยท Posted at 18:46:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can just imagine a tiny voice screaming "Grandma help I'm dissolving!!!!" in the middle of the night
ukulelej ยท 111 points ยท Posted at 21:26:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I warned you to not eat 3 cookies, and you did it anyway. It's not my problem now"
My grandpa told me that I would die if I swallowed gum. When I accidentaly did, I freaked out and asked to go the doctor, very scared. Grandpa just said it was not necessary. Fuck, grandpa, I was going to die! You don't tell me its not necessary! You tell me I won't die!
My four year old sister is wholeheartedly convinced that "high blood sugar" (which you get from eating sugary things) makes your blood sweet, and if your blood is sweet, vampires come and eat you because you taste like candy.
KaJaeger ยท 933 points ยท Posted at 16:34:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that each child was born with some sort of tool/appliance or whatever to symbolize what they'd become when they grow up. Like, if you were going to become a doctor, you'd be born with a stethoscope and they'd keep it for you till you grow into your role.
aukir ยท 421 points ยท Posted at 18:21:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's genuinely funny!
Aww shit hun, sorry we keep having lumberjacks and hairdressers...
KaJaeger ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 18:51:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can imagine that scenario, the dad is asking the wife, "honey, where did we go wrong?" not making any sense because they had no control over the situation.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Problem is, while teenagers won't pay to see Divergent normally, they would pay to see everyone in it naked, but can't. (also, is it shitty that you can't make a PG movie with tits but you can show abs? Is that fair?)
I thought, a pencil because I could draw. I just imagined Dirk Digler being born with his massive dong and everybody going, "ah, we've got another future pornstar here"
I really wish that were true. It would make life SO much easier.
errant1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you got stuck with something shitty, like Data Entry or Filing.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:22:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But like, if you were born to do it....
Nixie9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Were you born with anything that suggested this? I'm imagining you seeing pictures of your newborn self with a teddy and just being resigned to your life as a toymaker.
Gregie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like in that movie Ants when all the ant parents walk up with their kid and the decider ant hands them either a pickaxe or combat helmet.
Not with how mean kids can be, you'd be bullied all your life if you got something less favourable. Also, suicide rates would be higher. I'd imagine having to deal with knowing you'd be the pool cleaner of one of those other douche kids set for a better future.
I was outside the delivery room when my younger sibling was born. First time I saw my sibling, the nurses had put a hat on its head and were moving it from the delivery room to the nursery. I went around the hospital announcing to everyone that I had a new sibling that was born with a hat.
Took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that human babies are not born with hats.
My family actually does this thing called a tooth party.
When a baby gets their first tooth, the women(usually) throw a small gathering. They lay a bunch of items out on a blanket in front of the baby, and whichever one they pick will determine their future.
I thought that languages were all just ciphers of each other. Like I thought it was possible to translate a word into any language by translating it one letter at a time.
I thought that everyone heard the same thing but it sounded different to foreigners.
So when a spanish person said 'Hola' i presumed their friend would hear the noise of 'hello' and it was just people from different countries that heard it differently.
Fucking homeward bound that's where. I'm sure many other movies fit the bill too but that's the first one I thought of. When the animals speak to each other it sounds like plain English, but when it goes to the owner's POV, they just make normal cat/dog noises. I've seen it with languages as well in shows like Vikings. Also land before time... I think. Iirc, the baby T-Rex could speak to both the main characters and to his parents but littlefoot and the others just heard growling and such fr the T-Rexes. Oh and rugrats kinda, adults obviously didn't understand the babies but toddlers like Angelica and Suzie could speak to both. Can't think of an actual language example from when I was young but I'm sure there was one. Basically I had the same thought when I was little.
yomerol ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:15:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The worst are those movies set in France or some other non-English speaking country, like the The Girl with the Dragon tattoo, where they speak English with a local accent
It wasn't in the first one. It was in 2 or 3 I think. Didn't clarify that, my bad. His name was chomper I think. They found a random egg at the beginning of the movie then towards the end it hatched and they were all super scared at first but then realized he wasn't evil or whatever and were all friends, but then his mom showed up and "spared" them for helping her baby and he left with his mom.
tombue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:31:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rugrats kinda, adults obviously didn't understand the babies but toddlers like Angelica and Suzie could speak to both. Can't think of an actual language example from when I was young but I'm sure there was one.
You mentioned one. Small kids can "develop" their own language, that only they understand. A few days/weeks ago it was mentioned in a AskReddit thread and I also did it with my sister. We developed a speech impediment because of that.
I can't remember if we really understood each other, but at least for others it looked like it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think me and my brother still understand part of our childhood dialect. My mom used to always say that when we were little we would point and make random noises and the other would understand. Well, one time he had his mouth full when my mom asked him a question. He replied with grunts and gestures. She was like WHAT? so I translated for him. I dunno how I knew what he was saying, but I did. I'm the youngest sibling so he used to translate for me when I couldn't(read: wouldn't) talk but wanted something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your comment got a LOT funnier when I started reading it in King Kai's voice.
It's because all the babies were figments of Angelica's imagination
KJ6BWB ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:52:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, that's basically how it works. When a person who speaks Spanish says hola to another person who speaks Spanish, they get much the same mental concept that you get when you great hello.
To be fair that is halfway true. For example if you where to say cat in spanish to a native speaker they would picture a cat subconsciously. If you said cat to someone just learning spanish or didn't speak it they would hear the word first and try to translate that to something they understand until they heard cat in their native language and then pictured the cat. Becoming fluent in another language is all about breaking down the translation barrier.
metans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too! And you're the first person that I have ever encountered who has also thought this! Yay, I'm not a freak!
I also thought that people who spoke different languages just translated into English in their heads after someone spoke to them. After all, that's what I did when I started learning Spanish in like third grade.
It was, embarrassingly, a couple of years before I had the realization that people actually speak their own languages and that's their own language in their head holy shiiiiit!!!
Can you prove that they don't? It's like this video, but with sound instead of light. I can't get inside your head, so how do I know that you hear things the same way that I do? Sure, it's not all that likely, but it is a possiblity.
I blame books about ancient Egypt where they showed each hieroglyph representing a letter.
Adarain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:12:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which is not... wrong, just very, very misleading. If I understood it correctly, the way hieroglyphs worked was that some of them had a phonetic interpretation (like, there was a symbol for the sound /t/) but at the same time, they were logographs (glyphs with no transparent association to sound, but rather to a specific word or meaning). They would then first write a logograph, and then the consonants of the word to make sure it's read the right way.
For English, imagine drawing a simplistic house, followed by the letters H S for "house" and H T for "hut".
Me too! And I remember in French class being given an alphabet of sounds, and I was like "aw man, I have to learn all 26! I'll never learn THAT MANY. Maybe I can just speak French semi-fluently with 15."
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most of the letters between French and English are the same sound.
Adarain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And even then, knowing the alphabet in no way grants you fluent pronunciation, of course, because there are many more possible sounds than any single language uses, and no two languages use the exact same sounds. And many languages have more than 26 sounds, making the latin alphabet rather unfortunate.
I thought all people were born knowing English, but there parents taught them the other language. I imagined a mom explaining to her kid, "we call hamburgers aslkdfjasi"
I had a camera and I would take a video of myself in english and then change the camera to chinese and be confused when I was still speaking english in the video.
I thought that if it rhymed in English, it will rhyme in Spanish. Threw me for a loop when I tried to translate a Britney Spears song using a travelers English-Spanish dictionary.
That's pretty creative! I mean, a lot of adults believe that at the word level (i.e. all other languages can be translated word-for-word into/from English), but it never occurred to me that some would try it at the letter level.
Similarly, I thought English was some sort of 'universal' language that all other languages were derived from. I couldn't imagine that any other language could seem as natural to someone as English did to me.
I would always think that people would have to translate it into English to understand it, and I couldn't understand why they needed the original language anyways.
I am so happy I'm not the only one who thought that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In a way this is true. The items make the same noises, but the words, especially the ones that are onomatopoeic, change from place to place. In the United States most dogs go "woof" or "ruff" though some people say they go "bow-wow" and in Israel, or any Hebrew speaking place, dogs go "hav hav!"
I'm pretty sure we all thought that as kids. Its not really until you take a language class that you realize how different other languages are. Different sentence structures don't feel right at all either and sometimes you can translate every word and have it make no sense at all. I didn't like Spanish class...
shelcod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had to convince a co-worker once that you can't just translate a sentence word for word and have it come out perfect.
I thought languages could be nested like a function of a function. I asked several times what French would sound like in Spanish. No one had a clue what I meant.
I thought people laughed in different languages. I was astonished when I walked by 2 men who were speaking a different language, and then started laughing in English.
I thought this for a long time, but that English was the first language and that people just spoke different versions of it. I always wondered why people didn't just say "dog" (or whatever) and unread came up with different ways to say it.
IamSeth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You and everyone else who got a tattoo in the 90s. "This one is my initials in Chinese!"
I once had to explain to a 30 year old colleague that this is not the case
metans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Years back, my friend had a Japanese Moltres Pokemon trading card. We didn't know what the attacks on the card were as we couldn't read Japanese, but we said he could use it in his deck if it was in a deck protector and we would just take it as being exactly the same as the english- language version of the card. This would have meant one of its attacks was "Leer."
Only, it couldn't possibly have been "Leer" according to my friend, as the name of the attack was four Japanese characters but the two middle characters weren't identical. therefore they were not "the Japanese version of E" and the attack couldn't have been "Leer."
I'd like to think that he was just trying to bullshit his way into claiming it had a better attack than "Leer", but knowing him, he definitely thought that's how languages worked.
That would be great. It'd make things much easier.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When you find someone in your 1st grade class speaks a foreign language:
"How do you say my name in Chinese?!"
RPShep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm amazed how many adults still believe that to speak in another language you just swap out words: no sense of other grammars, word orders, idioms, etc.
OH, god, I found an old Berlitz self-taught russian book, and spent hours and hours trying to translate russian into english be translating it one letter at a time.
icepck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that 'accents' were speech impairments that people got following certain accidents.
If I didn't haul ass up the stairs after getting an ice pop in the basement the "monster under the stairs" would grab my legs and pull me down into the depths with him. I mean, even as a kid I knew the fear was probably irrational and nothing would happened if I casually walked upstairs but that didn't stop my from running upstairs so fast that I was actually moving on all fours like a German Shepard.
Under my bed is a bunch of old Lego boxes, other toy boxes, and shoe boxes. Just a bunch of boxes really. This means that even if monsters lives under beds they couldn't be under mine since there's just boxes there, but I still run, jump, and never dangle my limbs off the side!
Goofz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:31:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still play light-switch tag. So long as you are standing in the light, the monsters can't get you. Meaning, you must turn on the light of your destination before you turn off the light from your origin. There is an approximate 1 minute grace period between lights off and getting under the covers.
I was convinced that when I flushed a toilet a vampire could come out and get me. I would flush and then run away as fast as possible. Not sure where this idea came from.
For some reason, I thought sealing air in a bag would result in a zero gravity environment.
My mom would pack my lunch in a plastic grocery bag and I vividly remember blowing air into the bag while I still had some food left in it and would wonder why my food wasn't floating around in the bag.
There is gravity, but if what's in the tanks is more dense than what is suspended in it, it will float. I'm talking about extreme circumstances that you would never find in the real world.
a2soup ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:53:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right, but the floating is a result of gravity just as much as the sinking is. In zero-g, the object floats around in the tank regardless of whether it is denser or less dense than what the tanks are filled with. Stuff doesn't sink or float in orbit - both sinking and floating are the result of gravity.
I have to know.... How much effort did it take to put the interrobang instead of just a "?!" ? Did you copy and paste? Keyboard shortcut? A magical keyboard where it has its own key? It seems like a relatively useful punctuation mark but I feel like it's too much effort to be worth it when you can use a simple "?!".
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:22:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:11:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Food waster!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not your dad.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:28:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed for an embarrassingly long time that no oxygen meant no gravity. I think I asked the science teacher in eighth grade a really stupidly worded question regarding this and no one laughed, they just stared on in amazement that someone could be so daft.
I was the opposite. I thought zero G came from being in a vacuum. So, for instance, if you had something rigid, like a glass soda bottle, or even a plastic one, that wouldn't collapse all the way, I thought if I sucked all the air out of it, there would be no gravity inside.
When I was 4 my mom was 9 months pregnant with my brother and we got into a minor car accident that forced her into labor. So until about 3rd grade I thought you had to get into a car accident to have a baby.
Riobhain ยท 379 points ยท Posted at 17:15:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I now need to know how you found out that was false.
A fellow 3rd grader told me that I was wrong and that instead you had to have sex. Except he said as soon as you put your penis in a girl's mouth they got pregnant so I was lead astray once again.
My sister and I were both born by C section so that's how I assumed all babies were born. The slow learn of vaginal birth was terrifying. I don't know if I could have handled thinking that a car accident also needed to be involved.
suesays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something about the antennae being the reason we could hear music on the radio. And it's super thin, so if something were to be inside of it making music it'd have to be small, like an ant.
Also concerning radios, I thought radio towers existed so planes would see the blinking lights at night and not fly too close to the ground.
JezzaN1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i wish ants really did live in the antennae with tiny instruments :(
I used to think something similar, and wonder how the people reading my audio book cassettes would know to start reading when I pressed play.
I used to imagine someone just sitting in a basement reading the same story over and over again waiting for someone to play their cassettes so they'd hear his voice.
I had something similar, I thought that all commercials were being filmed live, I learned when this was not true when I was watching sports and saw on of the athletes in the commercial and asked my dad how could he run to a studio to film something and return a minute later.
I thought that if a song had a male singer it was called "radio" and if we were listening to a song with a female singer it was a "CD". Took me forever to figure this out.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:49:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little I thought there were little people that ran around when you changed the channel. My old man busted my bubble by replacing the tube and showing me how. I was 6 and that's how I became interested in electronics.
Mine was a bit more morbid. At pre-k, the teacher had a jukebox that played a bunch of different songs on loop so I imagined it was those same artists fighting for control of the mic and when they do, they tie up the other people until they have the strength to fight back and tie that person up to, otherwise when the next song plays.
I thought when the artists would say "This is (insert artist name)" they were all actually at the station talking into the microphone. Really confused me why they were all in Kearney, Nebraska.
gsav55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:00:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually how it used to happen. But the radio station would have a band that played everyone else's music. So it would be like here's the soggy bottom boys hit new single performed by the jazzy twinkles
I thought my dad was black... I went to a catholic school with all white people at the time. My dad was just a really tan white guy. The story of how I found out my dad was not black was great. It was MLK day and I told my mom "Mom, I am so happy for MLK because if it were not for him you and dad might not be together today." She then told me the truth. I was pretty shocked to say the least lol.
OMG, I thought the same thing about my grandpa. He died when I was young, and for some reason I remembered him being black. I thought I was part black until high school. I'm just glad I always checked "white" on government forms. I could have gotten into some major trouble if I'd checked "black." Thankfully, I also never told anyone except for some random girls who thankfully thought I was joking.
This is one thing that I don't understand. Skin color not being about one's skin color but about wether or the they are related to someone with a different skin color.
I thought the same thing about my Grandpa, turned out he's just a really tan Scottish man, probably due to being a fisherman that spent a crap load of time in the sun.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:42:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
There's this thing called black Irish apparently? I dated a couple of girls that told me about it. They were absolutely beautiful and had tan skin at all times, giving them a black vibe.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:01:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize my mom was Mexican until I was 7. We lived in Texas and we were around my Hispanic family all the time and we are all fluent in Spanish, but it never occurred to me that she wasn't white. Because my dad was, and all the kids were very light skinned, I just assumed she was really tan.
I like that steak and ribs don't resemble the animals they're from. I have trouble eating chicken on the bone as I feel like I'm some animal scavenging through the forest who has just happened upon a nice carcass that I'm now ripping to shreds.
I believed someone sat and watched cameras at each traffic light and decided when to change them. I would get so mad at them when we were stuck at a light for too long.
still have a friend who active pronounces "nestles" as a phonetic word ("nest-Les")
she's 26 and thinks we're all wrong (she also recently told us that this new "trend" on Instagram with "girls talking to the camera" was unsettling and uncomfortable... she's not wrong)
same but I thought they were underground and just control freaks flipping switches without actually seeing traffic so they just flipped switches as they liked
when the power went out, I also imagined a bunch of mole men under the cities frantically flipping the switches back and forth trying to figure out what went wrong........ apparently never even questioned power lines and what they're purpose was tho.
It's like when you drive under an overpass during rainy whether
"Look I can control the weather!"
snaps as we drive under overpass, rain stops
snaps again as we come out the other side, raid continues
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:07:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every morning, at one intersection I go by, the light is manually controlled. It is next to a school, so they give busses the right of way. morning is the only time when it is manually controlled.
Yes! I thought there were little men inside the traffic lights changing them...
Aaguns ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:13:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YES! ME TOO! You have no idea how happy this makes me. I thought this far too long, probably until I was like 6-7. I always felt bad for them because I figured it must've been really hot in there.
Hahah i used to believe in something similar, that traffic lights were operated by people inside stores in front of a semaphore, so if there is a traffic light in front of a coffee shop i thought people that work there would control the lights
In each light there were two men dressed as burglars (like from Courage, the Cowardly Dog) and that they simply flicked the lights on like light switches.
They sat in there all the time. 24/7 and just loved it there.
No fucking way. I held that belief until I was like, 4. I remember once I started crying because I wanted to see my face (I forgot mirrors existed) but couldn't like everyone else could.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:13:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, a 4 year old that stupid couldn't even drive a car
I don't have this problem, but something with how memories are made can screw up sometime.
If I remember being told something long enough ago that involves me, as I've imagined it (obviously, 3rd person because it was a story, not a memory) I've "remembered" it as an even that I actually remember.
It's how most of my earliest "memories" exist... just as recycled stories about myself.
I was always worried that vision had a set time. Like an hourglass. I always thought that once you hit a certain age the curtain just drops and that's all the seeing you can do. And that you just became a shell of a person, a cyborg, and reacted to the how many fingers am I holding up" by scanning my hand and realizing what I was doing. But the actual person is gone.
I realize typing this, that this is exactly all that adulthood is.
Dude! Seriously, me too! I found it weird when I was in preschool at 4 and wondering that too. "Why can everyone else see their eyes but I can't see mine?!?"
Ofreo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I find that when I am remembering things that happened to me, if in my minds eye I see it first person, it is more accurate to what others remember about the situation. If I see it in 3rd, I am probably embellishing a bit and remembering it the way I wish it would have gone.
He can't see himself in third person, he can't see anyone else's point of view... Makes sense for a child.
lukepa ยท 2087 points ยท Posted at 16:06:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the underground railroad was literally a railroad. I mean yeah it's great that a loose network of abolitionists helped slaves to freedom but it would have been way cooler if it was a real railroad. You take an escaped slave, lead him into a cave and this train pulls up and it's like "all aboard the FREEDOM TRAIN!" choo choo, motherfuckers!
Koupers ยท 352 points ยท Posted at 17:26:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed the underground railroad was fully underground like, a massive network of underground tunnels...
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 23:57:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait it's not
Orut-9 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:32:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, they did have some underground tunnels... I've seen one
Me too. But perhaps there could've been some tunnels. Old houses used to have secret rooms and shit for hiding stuff....I think.....but it totally could've happened!
There was an episode of "Different World' where Denise and Company find part of a safe house for the Underground Railroad in a basement with old decrepit tunnels that were only big enough to crawl through. I remember thinking the Underground Railroad was a tiny kids sized locamotive pulling runaway slaves like rail cars . Like, I imaged they had single person sized platforms that the slaves lay down on and were hitched together to be pulled through secret tiny tunnels. thats why i thought it was called the "underground railroad"
In all seriousness I thought this too. Like basically that little platform on wheels for working under cars and stuff, but tethered or something for them to pull you through small hidden tunnels
Also thought that. I actually still have a hard time not picturing it as a really long underground tunnel.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think they had trains back then so I knew it was just a bunch of underground tunnels.
Ixilary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I pretty sure I not only thought this, I was taught it. Now, maybe the teacher was using it metaphorically, but I still remember her explaining how they'd go under broken roads and use the subway lines (that apparently were abandoned but went cross-country?) to travel north.
A subway system somehow sounds way less cool than an underground railroad even though they're basically the same thing.
[deleted] ยท 149 points ยท Posted at 18:19:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same but I figured "underground" just meant secret and was like "how the fuck are they keeping this railroad operation a secret. Who's building this and funding this".
For some reason, that cracked me up. I love how instead of thinking it was literally underground, you thought of it in the actual sense, but still as a railroad.
Fucking thank you for that laugh.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:46:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You might also enjoy that I thought this until I was like 17.
I have seen quite a few movies where the love train is in full motion in the bedroom. Apparently it involves a female conductor and instead of steam it uses wind power because she is always blowing into the pipes to give the men more power
So why didn't they just call it the above ground normal road?
-Bart Simpson
fastock ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:26:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, this is the first misconception listed ITT that I too believed.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually what I was taught in elementary school. My teacher was either trying to make it more interesting/simplified or genuinely believed this.
Yeah, that one took me a while too. I thought "no wonder it's so hard to keep it a secret, trains are so loud!". I also was very confused because in my mind it should take centuries to dig a tunnel from the Southern States to Canada.
In the same vein, I thought the black market was an actual market place but it was really dimly lit
yaosio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to run for US president on a platform of creating a network of tunnels larger than the interstate system. You'll be able to walk or ride a train from any place on the planet to any other place on the planet while beneath a steel sky. There will be secret tunnels for secret activities.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I teach 8th Grade. Every year I have to break it to a few 13-14 year olds that the Underground Railroad wasn't some type of subway.
I was a smart kid, not like you morons. I knew that a train would be loud and that the slavers would hear it. Obviously they loaded the slaves onto those hand-cranked railroad cars you used to see in Warner Bros cartoons.
Much sneakier.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It took me a while too. They don't really explain that. It actually sounds a lot more impressive that people actually dug tunnels and ran trains through them that stopped at people's houses -- and that the stupid Rebs never figured it out.
And in retrospect, that's exactly what some Mexican coyotes do...
huh? not an american here, what is the underground railroad? Doesn't sound like a ridiculous belief at all. i would've thought it was a railroad, so what is it and why is it called that?
lukepa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't even a "thing" in itself, more of a name given to the network of abolitionists (in the context those favoring the abolition of slavery) who worked to help fugitive slaves reach northern states or Canada where they could be free. An excellent network to be sure but sadly there were no steam locomotives rolling through caverns as part of it.
I didn't think they took a railroad. I just thought they walked along the tracks to the North. It happens.
Goatsr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I knew a kid who believed that George Washington was the conductor for the 'underground railroad thingy'
He is in 10th grade
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought it was just a big tunnel. Like, a subway tunnel, but for runnin...
I had a racist teacher that thought she was super funny, she would always tell us that the black kids were fast because their ancestors had to outrun the dogs
I thought that too until they explained people hide in churches and other buildings. So then I thought it was a tunnel with buildings underground that people hid it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a very long tunnel with a rail and a little platform that you would lay down on (because the top of the tunnel was so low). Then you'd tug on a rope attached to the cart and somebody from the north would pull you through pitch darkness until you came out on the other side.
My mom thought this until her 40s when she told me that a door in a restaurant led to a stop on the Underground Railroad back in the day and that it must have been part of the subway.
Ludacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the subway was a re purposed part of the underground railroad until i was ~ 13
I always pictured this as railroads with joyful slaves riding minecarts into freedom.
666666t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FREEDOM IS NON-NEGOTIABLE
MTR2244 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I shit you not, my sophomore history teacher actually thought this. Oh man the class blew up when she tried to teach us that. It was her first year teaching, and she was not rehired the next year...
solos90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Railroad?
Just out of curiosity, do you have a Geiger counter?
I never thought this, but I grew up probably a good number of years after most people here, and now it seems like most resources related to the Underground Railroad make it very clear that it was not a real railroad.
That I was married to a family friend. I remember getting dressed up when I was about 3 and walking down the aisle with this girl. When I was 9 I learned that it was my cousin's wedding and that I was the ring bearer and she was the flower girl.
Stopman ยท 1582 points ยท Posted at 18:28:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is the cutest thing I've ever heard.
ukulelej ยท 1568 points ยท Posted at 21:20:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tell me about it. All the plot points I was okay with, even the Mother, but not how rushed it was.
pcechos ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:14:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly it. It's like they spent the entire season on random bull and then had to force the plot to happen at the end. I was also just annoyed at the wedding being the point of the entire season and then Barney and Robin don't even stay together in the end.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:22:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"But... but... it could happen in real life..."
Yeah, it fucking could, but How I Met Your Mother is not real life. We watch it to escape real life, you fucking piano faced fuck.
I remember reading a news story like that. A couple got married like exactly 20 years to the day of being the ring bearer and flower girl at a wedding. I don't remember where though.
Ryio5 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:53:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you still alone?
Luxeson ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:05:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Asking the real questions.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:27:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you literally just copy paste top posts from past AskReddit threads with similar questions and pretend to be the OP ? It's the second such post I see of you today.
Is it normal for some people to have a girl be the ring bearer? As in a previous post you said you are the wife of the guy who attempted to throw an under cooked steak out a window.
My little brother thought the same thing! He was around the same age. I actually thought you might be my little brother for a sec, but it wasn't our cousins wedding.
This exact thing happened to me, except I was the flower girl and he was the ring bearer. Also, the bride was my cousin and the groom was the ring bearer's nephew. We have a picture of us next to each other in the outfits.
My dad was an astronomer, and when she was 5 my sister started arguing with him that the moon was in fact moving with the car. She could not be persuaded--even by an astronomer. :)
I KNEW the moon came out at night but then I would also catch it in the day time. I came to the conclusion that you could only see the moon from America and I felt suddenly very sad for China. They never got to see the moon.
My mom frequently used to say "if you believe that I've got some swamp land in Florida to sell you." When I was ten or so my Mom was upset over some money problems and I told her- "you can just sell that swamp land that you have in Florida." I felt very silly but at least it cheered her up.
zzappe ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:22:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar experience. A Navajo man started telling me stories when I was a kid, and he pointed to a mountain off in the distance. He told me the place boasted a fairly large hole going deep into mountain, and that everything was pitch black inside the hole. This hole, he said, would suck animals and people into it and then spit out their bones.
He then told me the area itself was very dangerous due to land sharks, which were like normal sharks, only they lived in the dirt and would break through to eat people. The land sharks were everywhere, he said, so it was best to stay out of the dirt and mud. I was terrified for the longest time. I was also told about skinwalkers, which still scare me to this day.
Tldr traumatised by Navajos.
Crowlad ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:11:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 2710 points ยท Posted at 15:47:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Not me but when we were little my brother honestly believed he could grow up to be an ice cream truck. Not an ice cream man, an ice cream truck.
Edit: I finally fixed the "jce" cream truck error that I thought for sure was some kind of obscure reference you people were making before I went back and re-read my comment.
s_c_w ยท 206 points ยท Posted at 16:17:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend's little brother desperately wanted to grow up to be a monkey
mwzd ยท 138 points ยท Posted at 17:00:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If he's anything like some of the guys I've met recently he probably succeeded.
Nymaz ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:34:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If monkeys came from little brothers, why do we still have little brothers? Checkmate big brothers!
Reminds me of a sign I saw at the mall the other day. It was for some charity with a kid holding a baseball and the inscription "When I grow up I want to be a baseball player." But there was a poorly placed bench in front of the sign so anyone sitting on it would block out the word "player."
yaosio ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:56:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sexually identify as an ice cream truck. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of driving through the suburbs and handing out treats to delicious young children. People say to me that a person being a truck is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install an engine, ice cream maker, and freezer on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Creamer" and respect my right to driving slowly past schools while playing a fun tune. If you can't accept me you're a truckphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
My sister REALLY wanted to be a bird. Never specified what type. Would have been funny if she has turned into a bird, but it was a really weird one like a pelican or a turkey vulture.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey! Don't you dare crush his dreams!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had something similar, but I wanted to grow up to be a cement mixer.
True story man! Until I was 3-4 it was tractor all the way, no mechanic or farmer, I didn't like farmers. Just tractor. Green tractor. And you better believe I was stoked to grow the fuck up.
Whenever my older sister said "because I'm older than you" I replied with "well just wait until my birthday comes up and I'll be the oldest. Then you'll pay." It took me until I was 12 to realize everyone has birthdays at the same rate.
On another note I'm more mad my parents never bothered to correct me for the sake of my sister's sanity.
As a little brother, my older sister had me convinced that airplanes would come out of the sky and eat you if you didn't run inside when they passed over. That was a traumatic few months.
I wanted to be a fire engine!! Then a taxi driver because I saw them get handed cash to drive people around. I thought this was the coolest job. You get to drive a car (super cool) and people just give you money.
When I was little I wanted to be a fire truck. An ice cream truck is probably my soul mate. Fire and Ice!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine once told me that he thought it was possible that, with enough training, an ordinary human could become as strong as a character from Dragonball Z. Capable of human flight and everything.
I was really into trains and believed that I could be a tunnel. I don't know how I didn't end up being gay, cuz if there's ever been any indication that a child would grow up gay, I would think saying "I want to be the tunnel" would have to be at the top of the list.
When I was younger I wanted to be a horse when I grew up.
Acid44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to be a firetruck when I grew up. Then I learned about planes and decided I wanted to be a fireplane instead. This is what I called every plane with a vapor trail.
"Maaaaaam look! FIREPLANE!"
I don't even think I realised that there were people in them, driving them along.
gostan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that's not as unrealistic
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world, I made my arms short and I roamed the back yard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared, everybody knew me and was afraid of me, and one day my dad said "Bobby you are 17, it's time to throw childish things aside" and I said "OK Pop", but he didn't really say that he said that "Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job".
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:46:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Has your brother been browsing a site known as tumblr..?
The movie Pleasantville really fucked with me when I was younger. I was just starting to understand that the world hadn't been black and white when I first saw that movie.
what was it like living in a shattered world? was it any similar to your parents living in a black and white world?
SepDot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:11:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I asked my Grandmother once what the world was like before colour. Thankfully she let me live that one down.
Nixie9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:12:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a childhood friend who wasn't super bright, he believed that there was a place called 'the old times' where all our parents came from. In 'the old times' all human history was happening simultaneously and constantly. So right now the witch trials, the nazis and hippies were all sort of doing their thing.
GavinZac ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:50:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only in Northern Ireland, the republic (and it's territory) has specialised in just selling our gays to England for a long time. Oscar Wilde, Graham Norton, Brian Dowling... Um... Anna the Lesbian Nun... Terry Wogan?
karlw1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:20:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think the queen lived there and I would grow up to become a knight. Also there's a castle in the city centre, I thought that it had like some sort of nuclear bunker underneath it,
I used to think every town had a castle because mine did (Northumberland has a lot more castles than the rest of England, apparently. I blame Scotland).
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:21:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same for some reason. The city I come from is pretty heavy on history and my family preferred to go to other fairly historical places and I kind of presumed every settlement big enough had a castle.
Yeah, so did I. I got so confused when I went to a city somewhere in europe and there was no castle "What the fuc kis this shit!? Wheres the princess!?"
Rios7467 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:39:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every time I heard anything about Texas my little mind generated an old Western kind of deal with saloons and tumbleweeds. Then I was told they have skyscrapers so I imagined dirt roads with people on horses riding by huge ass glass and metal buildings.
I just have an active imagination. I also used to hate sleeping in my room because it's underneath the attic and I always imagined aliens crawling around up there.
Vents scared the hell out of me when I was a kid, because of an episode of the X-Files where this dude could squeeze himself through vents. I thought he would come through and kill me
I'd just like to pint out that at 18, I'm still paranoid that something will crawl down out of the attic and attack me. This all started when we moved six years ago and I realized the entrance to the attic was in my room
I feel your pain. I sleep with a fan at night so that I won't hear the creaks and groans that I'll invariably attribute to some horrific monster from the attic.
I love my white noise machine. I don't hear the ghosts wandering my dorm building. It was built in 1899 and it's beautiful but terrifying and definitely full of phantoms.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I too had an active imagination and the loft hatch was on my bedroom also.
Anyway, around age 7 I read a newspaper article about a person who found a dwarf skeleton in their loft. They even posted a photo and it still had hair and teeth! Eeek!
It really creeped me out and for years I though that every loft had a dwarf skeleton in them and would dread the thought of someone opening our loft!
I should clarify. My room is where the attic door is. You have to pull it down from the ceiling and then climb the ladder. I always imagined that I'd hear aliens rustling up there and that if they heard me the attic door would pop open and they'd slide down the ladder onto my bed in order to feast on me.
I always assumed Santa was a first generation Ukrainian immigrant with a drinking problem.
Turns out my parents just took me to the cheap mall.
Defmork ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 20:43:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I played a few Christmas songs on my piano at a Christmas party in my town's convention hall a few years ago, and they had rented a Russian to play Santa.
Something about Santa Claus saying "Hello kids, I am Santa. I bring present." in a strong Russian accent is really funny.
A jolly fat man who gives out presents. Same as everyone else. For some reason, it's only the Easter Bunny that inspired such terror in me. Although I did once makes plans to pour gasoline on the fireplace and wait with a lighter for Santa to come down the chimney.
If you think that's weird, then you should see how I was with my twin brother. We both used to make up stories about people we know getting killed or mauled by various animals. Still do sometimes.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:06:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, aren't you just a bundle of love and happiness?
My sister and i would always wake up extremely fucking early on Christmas (like 3 in the morning) so we could start inspecting what Santa left us and start waking our parents up so we could open presents. One year, my sister and i were getting ready to open my bedroom door to go to the living room when we saw a flash go off under the door. "He is real!" My sister and i screamed, scared to open the door. I asked my parents about it a few years later. They had just finished putting the presents out and took a quick picture of everything set up.
My grandma when I was younger would say if I came out early she would grab her gun shoot the Easter bunny and we'd eat it for dinner. I held my pee in as long as I could until I had to burst screaming I'm sorry Easter bunny the whole way to the washroom when I get back to my bedroom I hear a Big Bang (which I found out later on in life it was just pot and a wooden spoon) next night we had rabbit on the table for dinner. I thought I ruined Easter for everyone around the world. I felt terrible for years until the Easter bunny resurrected and had treats for my infer brother.
Younger* not inferior brother
Isagoge ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:18:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's how i lost my oldest brother.
Frรฉdรฉric only wanted to see the bunny but he only managed to look into the depths of hell.
I pictured the tooth fairy as Slimer from Ghostbusters carrying a briefcase. No idea where that came from, but after watching more scary movies I realize it could have been way worse!
When my dad was in kindergarten they asked him what he wanted to be when he got older, and he said "a fire truck." They wanted to put him in special classes lol.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Robmart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad also wanted this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did too. I figured I already had the hose, so why not?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of going on streets and dropping cold fluids on disgusting houses. People say to me that a person being a firetruck is Impossible and Iโm fucking retarded but I donโt care, Iโm beautiful. Iโm having a plastic surgeon install wheels, an engine and a JGB Enterprises, Inc. hose on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me โFiremantruckโ and respect my right to turn off fires below and go around streets needlessly. If you canโt accept me youโre a truckphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
b_pizzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did too! Apparently it's a common enough thing there's even a song about it.
666666t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean most people in the south call any soda Coke, and everyone in the US says Kleenex instead of tissue. In the uk you don't vacuum, you Hoover. It's a pretty normal thing to do.
In 1988 Burger King won a suit arguing someone was illegally using their trademarked term "chicken tender." I can't find any news saying they lost the trademark but it seems to be generecized now.
Nintendo is an example of a brand that successfully fought trademark erosion, having managed to replace excessive use of its name by the then-neologism "game console."
I always thought chicken tender was short for Chicken Tenderloin. Which has always been stupid because it doesn't come from the loin it comes from the breast but it laterally says that at my local supermarket.
One of the kids in school always called them that in the cafeteria. He was the kind of kid who, once he realized something was annoying to others, would do the annoying thing even more.
By third grade he had basically ruined Chicken Nugget day. By fourth grade we were ready to tar and feather the fucker.
I really loved chicken nuggets as a kid but, I mean really all kids did. Anyway, I was pretty picky too and my parents would call me the "Chicken Finger Coneseure" and I suppose they were right because every time we got chicken nuggets somewhere other than McDonald's, my dad would still
call them McNuggets and I would get so embarrassed, I'd yell at him. And to this day it still bothers me, probably more than it did when I was little.
No the African English are a weird bunch. Totally different genealogy from African Americans.
Don't even get me started on the African Africans. What the hell is going on over there? Some of them are European despite being African. Its just absurd
I die laughing when I hear people say African American.
Like not to be a dick but people should know that it sounds weird these days, the culture has sort of moved past that to a point where it sounds more racist than just saying black. It basically reeks of covert racism. In fact what it basically is saying is "I am scared that because you are black you will be irrationally angry at me for using the term black, and so I'm going to placate you like a good father by calling you African American. Look I'm playing by the rules"
Just seriously stop, not to mention its just absurd because not all black people are from America!!!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:13:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know how you can jut your shoulder blade back? I legitimately thought that those were the beginnings of my wings. I wondered whether I would get bird wings or dragon wings and couldn't decide which one I wanted more. I was also extremely concerned about how I would keep wearing my favorite shirt once I had wings.
When my mom told me that I had winged scapulas I thought that meant that I would grow wings... Unfortunately it just meant obtrusive shoulder blades and uneven pecs.
I just really wanted to be a miniature person and live in a dollhouse. The fancy toy store near me even had working lamps in a 1:12 scale, I thought hat was the coolest thing in the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just slightly peed my pants at work, thanks a lot.
My brother was afraid to eat them because of this. He literally screamed "NOOOO!" at me when I started to eat them.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:09:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I expected there to be juice all over the room, like in the commercials.
Eye_Pod ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:42:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or turn into the silver surfer by drinking capri sun
KJ6BWB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:49:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember seeing that commercial for the first time. I though that they must have come out with some new version of Rice Krispies cereal and I wanted to get the kind that really made the Snap Crackle Pop version. So I eventually managed to talk my mom into buying some more and I was so disappointed that they didn't actively fizz or otherwise make a lot of noise like the commercials made it seem.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:00:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hate milk and even then refused to put it in my cereal. My mom explained that it wouldn't make any noise without milk so I made her put milk in it. So not only was I pissed it didn't sound right but I also wouldn't eat it because of the milk.
THAT'S where that family guy joke came from! 13 years I've been wonder what the hell that was!
seesha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:53:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember that commercial very well! I was about three years old and the only thing I wanted for Christmas was the chuckwagon with little horses. Apparently my heart was broken when I did not receive this for Christmas that year and I cried and cried.
There was a Jurassic Park oatmeal a while back that promoted a contest where if your box rawred when you opened it, you'd win. I would go to the cereal aisle at the store and press my ear against the box to see if any of the boxes would rawr so i could bring it home and win. I also thought when contests on TV said "many will enter, few will win," actually said, "many will enter, you will win".
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:52:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should have gotten this game to make your dreams come true.
My fan is pretty wobbly. Even as a young teen I had thoughts about it falling from the ceiling and chopping my feat off. Then it would fall through the floor and the combined weight of the fan and my bed would crush my parents on the first floor.
Question, does this letterbomb contain a form of disease or it is more explosive? Just need to know, got my carpets done last week and it would be a shame to have them dirty so soon.
It's weird how many adults still do that. We grow out of all those other silly beliefs, but so many of us are still terrified some monster under the bed will grab our limbs if they stick out over the side of the bed at night.
I did the same thing except it wasn't monsters I was scared of, it was spiders. I thought they would crawl up from between my sheets and bite my feet. No idea how they would have gotten in there in the first place, though...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had two twin beds in my room. Under my bed, there was a blind alien who would reach around the bed looking for my feet. Under the other bed was a tiger. So I had to jump onto the other bed, and then leap as far as possible off that bed to avoid both.
Over some period of time as a child I always slept curled up, because for whatever reason I though mice might nibble at my toes if I didn't. I have no idea why I thought that, probably something from some old fairy-tale. The fact that we actually did have mice in the house -- hence the reason we had a cat -- didn't help the slightest.
When u was young I came to the terrifying realization that the covers couldn't protect me, but at least I'd die with ralphie (my teddy bear) in my arms. :(
[deleted] ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 20:43:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:59:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you thought tractors were living animals?
Lykos_T ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:37:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a farmer I can say this is totally true, or first egg of the year should hatch any day now!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you read XMen like I did? Of course telekinesis and other mutant powers only show up at puberty!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So strange, but I thought the same thing! I also thought I had dormant magical powers, like the power to fly and read minds and things, that I would grow into. No idea why I thought that.
I think they meant what I thought they meant and not what you thought I thought they thought they meant. I mean, I'm not sure what you thought I meant, but it wasn't what you thought. I think.
Sidorakh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I did. /u/lellistair thoguht that unlike the implication (of a toching uncle), it was a touching moment.
They thought that not_qwite_right meant that they also saw their uncle on the moon, much like terceslil said in the parent comment. Lillistair goes on to say that they don't know what Siegelski thought they meant, and says that it's probably not what he actually meant by saying that.
That good enough for ya?
EDIT: A tldr of sorts - everyone is supposedly wrong about everyone else
I was sure that if I worked out, went to Karate, and practiced hard enough I could shoot beams of energy out of my hands like in Dragon Ball Z. I mean just because no one had ever done it doesn't mean it can't be done. Oh I tried, I spent at least an hour every day practicing or working out all summer.
Seeing as I am not flying around shooting beams of energy at evil invading aliens right now you can guess how that whole thing turned out.
Oh dude, I saw the episode where Gohan trains Videl and 12-year-old me was like "Holy shit, humans can do it to!" so I assumed "the pose" (you know the one), and just focused as hard as I could on making energy come out of my hands. I thought I was making progress, too, because I was starting to feel something after a while! Unfortunately, it was just the sensation of blood draining from my fingers.
Some grown people believe something like this. I can't find it right now, but there is a hilarious video of practitioners of a chi-based martial art "sparring" with an Australian skeptics group that used conventional martial arts. The chi guys were trying to repel the opponents with their energy shields to very humorous effect.
I remember seeing a fight or something where the instructor actually believed that he could attack with chi so he fought a black belt in judo. The guy looked so surprised when the "chi attack" didn't do anything and the judo guy just beat him
When i was around 10 me and my friend were standing in our garden, splitting the legs as far as we could and scream and focus to become super Sayan. Instead my friend shit his pants and we never talked about it again.
Zaedeor ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:55:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i blame grandpa
jshaf8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does anyone else remember an episode of all the rugrats at the beach? And at some point Spike (the dog) swims way too far out into the ocean and all the babies are freaking out?
I never saw past that because I was sobbing so hard I was never allowed to watch rugrats again.
My cousin told me that if I swallowed seeds that they'd grow and come out of my ears.
zomtech ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 17:54:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the dishwasher tabs will shoot lasers to clean the dishes, just like in the commercial. I told my mom that she had to buy the specific type from the tv ad, and I unpacked them and tried to shoot with 'em, but it didn't work. I was very sad.
Until I was about age 40, I thought dishwashers filled completely with water. Despite having one, I didn't realize they just sprayed water around until I saw a Go Pro video on Youtube. Watching it, I thought to myself, "that actually makes a hell of a lot more sense."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:09 on May 3, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, they don't fill completely with water? :O
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, what ad is this? I need to see this.
zomtech ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:15:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was like a bottomless drink type situation, but they just kept pouring it in and you kept drinking through the straw so the liquid never reached the top of the glass.
I have two cousins that happen to be twins. When they were 4 the older convinced the younger that if he jumped off the couch he would fly all the way to heaven and see God. So he tried it, and slammed his face into the coffee table and knocked two teeth out.
KrickyD ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:24:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap, I had almost the same belief! I thought that if I broke the TV screen I could jump into Sesame Street. I never tried it because I couldn't figure out how I'd get back. I mean, I wanted to hang out with Big Bird and Grover and stuff...but I also wanted my mommy to tuck me in at njght, too. It was quite the dilemma.
That sex was just kissing naked. It's all I ever saw on t.v. sex scenes that slipped by my parents "don't look!" stage. When I finally had "the talk" with my dad he started off talking about sperm and how it makes babies. Freaked out, I yelled "it goes in her mouth?!" Still thinking that it was just kissing naked. He chuckled and said "Hah! If you're lucky!"
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 11:09:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that all black people were fabulously wealthy. This was based on the only two black people I knew. One was my friend, whose father was some sort of business man who took the family to Disney World every year, and my pediatrician, who drove a fancy convertible.
I remember seeing something about the Ethiopian famine on TV around this time, and being terribly confused as to why they didn't just buy some food. My dad set me straight.
I thought that once you married someone, getting pregnant just happened, or didn't happen. Like you had 0 control over it. Then I realized you don't have to be married to get pregnant and I learned sex wasn't just kissing naked, but actually brewing up a child
I'm sitting in a coffee shop, half evaluating the coffee I'm drinking, and half reading this thread. I was like, wait, I'm not on /r/coffee am I? Oh.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing and was absolutely terrified, since I knew from my childhood that I never wanted kids. Finding out that you actually do have control over it was the best day of my life.
You know that little story about how the wrinkles under your pinkie finger tell you how many kids you are going to have? I had to go to the ER when I was four because I took my mom's iron and tried to iron mine flat. Burned the shit outta my hand.
That's intense, 4 year old you is really making a big decision there! But I haven't heard of the pinky wrinkle thing, which wrinkles are you referring to?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's on the side of your hand, underneath the pinkie? It was just one of those things I always heard from other kids. It fucking terrified me.
Wow you really don't want kids. Did you ever donate sperm to keep your DNA going, or are you happy being the last flamingo-dingo-bingo? If you don't mind me asking
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a lady :D
My DNA sucks anyhow. No reason to burden anybody with that hot mess.
Oh I'm sorry! But fair enough, I can totally understand not wanting kids
[deleted] ยท 226 points ยท Posted at 18:36:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
right around the time i began to hit puberty i got a pug. A few weeks after we got him, blonde hair began coming in all over my body. For awhile after that i was unbellieveably scared that i was slowly morphing into a pug. This also affected my relationship with the dog because as much as i loved him, i kept thinking to myself i dont know if i can turn into a pug for him. then we learned about puberty in health class and i realized that i wasnt turning into a dog. Well anyway i was 11 when that happened, am currently in college and that dog is currently next to me on the couch and is still my best friend to this day
How'd you figure out they didn't? ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:56:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
15
interracial porn is pretty popular
Meoowth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:17:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations, you're on par with Herodotus, the "first true historian." (The wiki doesn't explicitly mention this inaccuracy of his, but it's in his book, and well known. To nerds.)
OMG!!! I thought black people pooped white because I pooped brown!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:05:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, that actually makes sense in a childish way! You're white because you poop the brown out of you, and black people are black because they poop the white out of them.
(Speaking from experience) I'd say the number of times one is on fire tends to rely on a number of factors including occupation, hobbies, precautions taken, knowledge of wiring systems, and presence of gasoline.
I had a book called "The Book of Lists" and there was a section on spontaneous combustion in there. That shit freaked me out and for years I feared it'd happen to me.
For my first 4 years of school hey talked to us about it like twice a year, why in the fuck did they think that was such an important thing to teach? Has a school been sued over not teaching this in the past or something? That's the only reason why I could see them putting as much importance in it as they did
I'm sure I'm too late for this to get noticed, but:
When I was a kid, my parents told me that you had to have milk when you ate brownies. If you didn't, you'd die. This was great, until one day I took a bite of brownie, went to get a glass of milk and discovered we had run out. I had a complete meltdown, as I was sure I would be dead within the next few minutes if I didn't get milk immediately.
My dad eventually explained that I'd be fine, but my fear grew into anger first: he was laughing hysterically at my impending doom.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:13:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"eh boy, you're gonna die"
[deleted] ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 16:19:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bigjelly ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 20:47:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 11 or so a friend on the bus told me what spooning was. For years I believed that spooning involved sticking spoons in people's butts and then eating their poop. I was horrified anytime a movie would mention it casually, and didn't understand why i was the only one bothered by it. It was a relief to learn the truth, but the word
still makes me shudder a little.
My theory on this is: your dad was throwing you in the air and catching you - but one time he dropped you on your head and you were either knocked out or given a slight concussion or something. This was the time he threw you into "orbit"... Nothing has been right since then!
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my aunt was Roseanne for a long time, because when she babysat me we would watch that and MASH reruns. Thinking back on it, I never really thought about her needing to have filmed it or anything like that, she just looked exactly like Roseanne Barr to me.
That's funny! Somehow, I was under the impression that John Travolta was an uncle that I never met. When I found out he was in lots of big movies, I wanted to meet him! But my dad said that I probably would not get the chance... :(
I was convinced my cousin Brian was Shia LaBeouf. And eve time I saw him I'd asks what it was like working on the Even Stevens set. And if bean was really weird.
I thought that I was a secret-agent-alien with my own TV show for the people back on the "home planet". Kind of a sort of Exposing earthlings type thing. Every Saturday I would quite literally narrate my entire day, from morning to night, explaining how the Earth works and begging "them" to "please please please come and bring me back home soon". I did this until I was around 8, and my mother has most episodes of my TV show on tape.
Edit: Why the down-votes lads? I swear, in the last minute the points have been rising and falling like childrens' belief in Santa :(
Edit Edit: (if that's what it's called, I dunno, I'm a new redditor) grammar
[deleted] ยท 196 points ยท Posted at 20:34:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
metans ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:02:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not his fault. It all got a bit too edgy for the network with the whole "discovering masturbation" storyline, and they felt that there was little to no plot development or variety after that episode.
There is a documentary about earthlings made for aliens. I have no idea what it is called but I do remember that they also had people dressed as sperm running on a running track.
Oh I'm sorry seems we forgot to tell you, your show was canceled when you were 7. My bad guess I should not have left that to my intern.
P.S. Maybe if your show ever gets revived we'll have money in the budget for your big return. Till then enjoy earth.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:42:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thankfully your not an alien and your username isn't relevant :D
Could be that reddit doesn't really show exact numbers on posts, especially those with a few downvotes. This is especially noticeable with a more heavily voted on comment. If you keep refreshing it might continually change what exact number it shows, but it'll stay around the same average. There isn't a constant stream of people downvoting and upvoting you, reddit's just fudging the exact number.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha same thing with me! I would look to the top corner as if there was a hidden camera ๐๐๐
rxninja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:55:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's very Spaceman Spiff of you.
KJ6BWB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pics or vid or it didn't happen. (Please upload, please upload, please upload...)
Nope, just a really fucking stupid child with a father who was convinced that every cloud he saw in the sky was a UFO and a mother who thought it was hilarious and did nothing to stop me believing it.
I still do this. I like to fantasize my life is a reality show. When I'm with other people and someone says something stupid I picture myself in a confessional room talking shit about that person and eyerolling.
There is a movie starring Jim Carrey about a man who was adopted by a film company and raised in a reality TV show, 24 hours funded by product placement. It is great, you should give it a watch.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:19:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'll stare at nothing for a few seconds, like I'm looking at the camera, and imagine a laugh track playing when something funny/stupid happens.
. . . Just as long as you grow out of this by the time you're an adult who needs to interact on a daily basis with the people around you. Because then this belief is definitely not cute anymore. (At least not in the people I know whose actions show that they believe this.)
Edit: Uhhโsorry I offended all the people who do still believe they're the star of a TV show? . . . I guess?
For some people at competitive events they still believe this
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or was we call it today.. 'Shadow banned'
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:22:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever the whole family would get in the same car, my mom always made sure to insist on putting our seat belts on. But she'd always say, "If you don't put your seat belt on, you'll fly through the window!" And so I had this irrational fear that if I didn't, I would fly through the front window without breaking it like a ghost, fly through the next car's window, and would have to become a member of that family forever.
I legit thought Alec Guinness died in Star Wars and really was a ghost in the next two films.
DrInsano ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 16:44:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, probably around 10 or so I started to learn about the birds and the bees. Somehow, though, I got into my head that a hole would open up in a woman's chest between her boobs, and that's where the guy would stick his penis in and get her pregnant that way. The baby would still come out where it normally comes out, but the act of conception involved chest-fucking a girl.
I think I was just getting curious about what women look like at that time, and soon learned that there was something called sex. At that point I read some random sex info AOL site thing. There was something about sticking your penis between things, and maybe I just saw boobs and didn't bother rereading it.
cccino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was an episode of Ugly Americans with something like that.
That adults had everything figured out. That when I got to college, I would miraculously know what it was I wanted to do with my life, find the perfect job after I graduated and maintain a stable group of amazing friends who helped me along the way.
A few years ago(I'm 33), it dawned on me that NOBODY knows what they're doing and everyone is faking it and hoping not to get caught. Everyone from the president down to the everyday first time parent. It was a big load off when I figured that one out. My stress levels have never been lower! Fuck it all!
I didn't figure this out until I was unemployed in my 20s and I asked my dad for job hunting tips. The man had always been able to give me advice, but this time, he said, "I'm still trying to figure that out myself."
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. I had this idea that once a person got to college age, they magically had 100% self-confidence. Like we all have a self-confidence meter that fills up by the time you are 18. Sad that didn't turn out to be true...
caedin8 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:08:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
None of that happens.
I always felt like I was working for something. Three years of hard work for junior high, getting ready for high school. Four hard years of high school, but it is worth it to prepare for college. Six (let's be honest here) years of college, but don't give up you are so close! It will be worth it in the end!
I'm now 9 months out of school, and I walked into a perfect high paying job the day I graduated. I feel so empty. There is nothing to work to any more, work is okay but my entire life philosophy is broken. I feel like I'm just counting the days down until death. It's chilling and I feel like I've been lied to all these years. I wish I didn't care so much when I was younger. At least in school I was forced to spend time with other people everyday. Now my friend group is smaller than it has ever been. I have three or four people I talk to at work, and then I come home to watch YouTube or read Reddit. The reality of life is so depressing.
Change it. Save up some money and go traveling. Find a different job. Do something that makes you happy. I know it sounds stupid, but 10 years from now you'll regret it if you don't make changes now.
I remember being 21 or so, and my older coworker who was in her 50s and I were talking, and I said to her "I just don't know what I want to do with my life" and she chirped in "hell, I'm 55 and I still don't know" I broke into tears - she had a look of sadness in her face when I had said back to her"but you're old, wait, do you never find out?!" And really, I've never been the same since then, I realized nothing really changes, and we are all just scrambling around on this rock.
Eh, problem with being an older Redditor where quicksand was a major plot point in most weekend serials like Tarzan. It was so prevalent that when NASA was doing a press conference on the Apollo Moon landing a reporter asked, in all seriousness, "But what if the Moon's surface is quicksand?"
I was the same way with volcanoes. I had meticulously planned out a volcano escape plan when I was like 8 or 9 to save my family from burning to death. I never really knew that volcanoes could make it rain lava and ash. I thought it just kind of oozed out of the volcano in either a watery flow or a slow flow.
I insisted over and over that we kept large containers of water to combat the lava in the case of a slow flow, and even "designed" a lava-proof boat to float my family to safety.
Turns out volcanoes and lava aren't that big of a deal in the Midwest.
Now I'm afraid of nukes.
effinx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right??!! The movies man...the movies. They messed with me. Ever seen Beastmaster? (the movie)
libgeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually been caught in it. I was walking over a dried up lake on a golf course and it felt real solid and then one step and I'm waste deep. Pretty spooky. If I didn't have my 9 iron I would have been stuck until someone found me lol
I did too, and was OBSESSED with educating everyone I came across on how to deal with falling into it.
Estake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, as a little kid I was once throwing rocks in quicksand with some friends, afterwards we were super proud that we saved humanity from this great danger.
dfeld17 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:38:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nice meme
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 20:42:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think the old pictures on the wall at Cracker Barrell were pictures of the people they used for their meat.
I also used to think parade with Mickey Mouse and friends were following me with knives. If I didn't turn around and force them to hide (I never saw them) every once in awhile, they would have killed me.
IDK why the hell I thought these things or how they got into my head. I also used to love visiting grave yards. All these things were before I qas 8 yo
enjoy it while you can. it won't be long until the dull monotony of life sets in. weeks turn to months, and months turn to years and before you know it you're 35 stuck in the same dead-end job with no way to switch paths without destroying the comfort and safety you've spent 15 years trying to build
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:24:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been told that time goes by faster as an adult.
I Googled healthiest part of bread and it says that the crust has 8 times the type of cancer fighting antioxidant than the middle and has some other good junk in it so I mean.. it's not ridiculous.
Has something to do with what happens when it bakes. The good shit gets pushed outwards during the process and turns into a part of the crust. If you're really interested Google does wonders :P
My grandmother told me that crusts of bread make your hair curly. This being the late 80s, when frizzy perms were all the rage, I was wholly convinced that's how all the curly hair happened and proceeded to eat the crusts of my PB&J.
i think it was at my house when a friend my age in first grade told me eating the crusts of my sandwich would give me rosy cheeks. i guess we were eating lunch and i was neglecting my crusts as usual. i don't know why that was supposed to convince me to eat my crusts, but shockingly it did not work. it's weird there's so many random rumors around eating bread crusts! i eat them now, but my cheeks have not gotten any rosier. i am just as pasty as ever.
So I wouldn't say I actually continued "believing" this into adulthood, but as I was serving my kids their sandwiches last week I thought about how some kids like to have the crusts cut off and I remembered that my parents used to say that the crusts were the healthiest part and I stopped DEAD in my tracks and went, "WAIT A SECOND, NO THEY'RE NOT!"
I am a 34 year old woman.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So did my mom. I was also in my teens when it suddenly dawned on me that she was just tricking me into eating the crust.
Eh, a lot of kids have issues with crust, and they eventually grow out of them. Can't say that I've never hated it, but I could understand why some kids have problems with it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What?! For any kid I know, that would make them like it less!
There's a part of my brain that still believes this, somehow. Like, I'm in my mid 30s, I don't have a job, I don't have any friends, I basically just exist to keep existing, and my brain will still sometimes be like "It'll be better when you grow up."
Like, I still conceptually think of myself as mid to late teens, and that my life is still ahead of me, and I just have to wait to get to it.
I don't understand what happened to the last fifteen years. They just slipped into nothingness and me along with them.
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 16:28:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking knew that. Then in high school a girl told me they peed through their butt. So me being a male I was like "okay guess I was wrong and the hole they pee out of is in their butt"....nope I looked like a dumbass in college.
Vagina is the colloquial term for pretty much everything between a female's legs. I'm almost certain most people who say girls pee through the vagina are not using the medical term.
The cltoris, the urethra, the labia, they're all lumped in with "vagina".
I just thought vaginas were what dicks looked like til they grew into dicks at like age 6 or so. I knew the word vagina existed, but thought it was some second secret thing in between itself and butt.
Once when I was like 5 years old I found dead butterfly and when I touched its wings they had this grainy dust on them. Obviously this meant it was magic dust and it was not their wingspan vs their small frames that made them able to fly. No, it was this dust.
I then decided that the only thing to do was to kill several dozen of these butterflies and harvest their magic flying dust and then coat my arms in it so that I'd be able to fly. Thankfully I failed and gave up on my dreams within 20 minutes, but I still remember it.
I couldn't understand how children came out of women's stomachs, so I thought they came out the same way things came in. All women go through the magical experience of throwing up a baby.
Both my sister and I were C-sectioned. As a result, the only stories I had surrounding birth involved C-sections. I ended up believing that all babies were born that way until 2003. And then I got it into my head that they came out a woman's butt. Finally learned the truth around 2010
I once watched a programme about Box Jellyfish with my grandad and I was terrified at how small and hard to see they were, as well as being lethal. For about 5 years after that, I always sieved the water as it came out the tap in the bath to make sure a box jellyfish didn't end up in my bath and sting me. Also I was afraid I would be sitting in my bath and then the bath would disappear and I'd end up in the middle of the ocean and get eaten by a shark
Overactive imagination + anxiety disorder doesn't mix well
No wonder I'm afraid of swimming
I could kinda see the fear from living in Florida bc ur surrounded by that shit. I live in a small town in Scotland. Still was petrified of sharks and that my bath and house would crumble away and a big shark would come up from underneath me and eat me. Fear is weird, man
Anything you buried into the ground produced said item tree. I "planted" a hotdog and hid because I was sure I was going to get in trouble for planting a hotdog tree too close to the house.
I remember whenever any had some at lunch in first grade, we'd be all "oh your head definitely just turned into a watermelon!" Then you'd feel your head and get angry when it clearly hadn't changed shape.
This was back in the '80s. I'm not referring to the giant bubbles that were the size of a pen cap. These were fine pin-point bumps between the larger bubbles. Not sure if fast food joints still have those on there, but it was certainly a thing.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:11:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They probably thought that drinking from the cup of a blind person would infect others.
This is actually true. My grandpa (RIP) once shook a blind man's hand. 25 years later my grandpa went blind before he died.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with you, I do not think it is braille....
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:51:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I would remember taking a pen or edge of a finger nail and trying to push down the tiny bumps. Those tiny bumps in between the large 'button' things were the braille.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Honestly, I felt like such a dope when it was pointed out to me. "Uhh... That's BRAILLE, /u/constituent!"
It wouldn't be another few years until I met my first blind person (a new neighbor's mom).
Justified that the only exposure to blind/visually-impaired people would be those "A Very Special..." episodes of network TV where a main character had temporary blindness-for-drama or a one-shot episode featuring a visually-impaired family member who would never be seen again.
I told my kids that their tongues get cracks in them when they lie. If there's ever a disagreement, I tell them "show me your tongue!" The one that doesn't want to is the liar. It's not 100% accurate, so I only pull that one out when it's absolutely needed.
lilyrae ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:57:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That rumor passed around my family as well. Still have no idea what those bumps are.
Astronomer here! I genuinely believed and had sleepless nights over believing a meteorite was going to crash through my ceiling and kill me as I slept. I blame this on my dad, who was once talking about the one case in history where this happened to someone (no joke- a woman in Alabama who was napping was hit by a meteorite in the 1950s- though she didn't die), but when I asked him "that won't happen to me tonight, will it?" his never-lie-to-your-kids response was "I don't know, it could!"
THANKS DAD FOR KEEPING THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE! (He also told me we could die if a nearby supernova happened thanks to a gamma ray burst, which I later learned is not true because no star is close enough that could kill us when it went supernova. So while I guess the meteorite thing is technically true and just unrealistic, the supernova one definitely is not.)
Funny thing, of course he doesn't remember this at all, and some months ago chatting with my sister she said "you know, I had the weirdest fear when I was little that a meteorite was going to kill me while I slept..."
my son is obsessed with space! last summer we had to cut off his access to documentaries for a couple months because he kept having nightmares about supernovae blowing us all up or a black hole spontaneously appearing and eating the world....
I thought the priest at my church was actually God. I was always so nervous to talk to him, because he created the world and I didn't want to upset him.
That reminds me of this exchange on 3rd Rock from the Sun. Dick and Mary (who are an alien and an Earthling respectively, in case you haven't seen the show) are at a church:
Dick: Now, which of those guys is God?
Mary: Be quiet!
Dick: Okay, but be sure to introduce me later because I want some answers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that is hilarious, please tell me more with your interactions with him
When I was around 5 years old I watched part of a documentary with my parents about conjoined twins. I got it in my head that it was a disease you could develop. I refused to touch people for a week or so because I was convinced we would stick together and be like the people in the movie.
In a similar situation my brother once knew a kid who was born without fingers. He was also around 5 and would cry and run from the other kid because he was convinced that was contagious and he could lose his own fingers if they played together.
I used to be able to hear my heart beating loudly in my ears when I was laying down at night, but of course at the time I didn't know that's what it was. I thought I was hearing the foot steps of the headless horseman coming down the long hallway toward my bedroom. I would get scared and my heart beat would speed up.. which made me think he had begun RUNNING and was getting closer and closer.. terrifying!
That "Circa" was a famous place where extremely important people would gather and determine world politics. Would always read "Famous, important persons X and Y Circa 1932", so naturally I assumed Circa was where they were meeting.
My dad told us polyesters were pink animals that looked a bit like alpacas. He said they lived on farms in the rural area of our province, a few hours between our town and my grandmother's house.
Conveniently, this was right where small children were certain to be asleep on long car trips. He would sometimes wake us shouting, "You just missed one!" Sometimes either my brother or I would claim to have actually seen it just to grind each other's gears.
I believed it for a long time. I remember staring at the tag of my eighties sweatshirt in the car and reading that polyesters were indeed real.
My dad used to do this to us with Snoopy's cousin Spike from the Peanuts cartoons. It was always night when we drove through the desert, in New Mexico, between California and Texas to visit family. He would convince me every time that I had just missed him.
Once I realized this was not true, I then refused to believe roadrunners were real animals until I saw one with my own eyes as an adult.
Most of Ohio isn't that bad. But seriously Marysville and everything along 36/37 to Alum Creek state Park can eat a dick. Also I dislike most everything on 42 as well.
One of my best friends believed batteries ran everything. It was so serious to him, he once had a headache and called the police wanting new batteries. Of course he was like, 3 or 4 or something, but still.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:40:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That must be quite the call archive.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:21:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
911 operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Kid: I've a headache, please sent battery. I'll die, please sent them.
911 operator:... Um sir how do I reply to this request? Play along? Sure.
911 operator: Well, get your mother on the phone and we'll tell her where to get the batteries you need.
AudiMX ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 15:57:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I concentrated well enough, I could make rain stop, I would even move my hands like to clear out the clouds... so dumb..
What. The. Ruck. Jenna had sex with Murray?? Wtf! I thought she was into Gage!
nezrock ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:38:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke's on you, I can actually do this. Raining for five days in the summer? Snap my fingers, rain just stops. Whiteout in the winter? Snap my fingers and it's done and gone. **
eXodus91 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:39:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was deathly afraid of heights when I was a kid. So every time I tried to get on an elevator, I'd freak out because of the little crack that exposes the corridor below.
I was convinced that'd I fall through that, less than an inch, gap.
I have an oddly specific fear of heights. Open ledge, zip line, going too high on a swing = fucking terrified. Plane, elevator, open air stairwell, balconey 600 feet off the ground bit with a railing = cool as a cucumber
There is this really tall spinning swing ride at the local six flags. I've never been on it because I am scared of being that high up. I ride the rollercoasters just fine, but that ride and the free fall tower I refuse to go on. I'm fine with airplanes too.
I have a similar thing. The way I've explained it before is not as a fear of heights, but instead as a fear of falling. In an elevator or plane, you're in an enclosed space, so there's nowhere to fall out of. The stairwell and balcony have railings to the same effect. The others, not so much.
For me, it is a legitimate fear of heights. Even on a sheer cliff, I'm not afraid I'll fall. The whole experience of being high up freaks me out. But every time I talk to people about it, no matter how I describe it, I'm always told," you know there's no such thing as a fear of heights, just a fear of falling." Well asshole, I know you'received arachnaphobic so how'd you like it if I told you that your arachnaphobic is just a fear of getting bitten.
A street light flickering or turning off while I was passing by was proof of my latent powers. I was convinced for years that my supernatural abilities would be manifesting soon. (They have not. Yet.)
Thinking we have something to do with streetlights going off or on while passing them is a common example of 'magical thinking'. Even though most people know it's not true, it's a very common thought pattern.
Oh, jeez. I guess that would date back to my high school psych? Maybe college anthro or socio? I def don't remember any sources, I'm afraid, that was 15 years ago.
Search 'magical thinking' and you'll get the general idea.
I believe it's Street Light Interference Phenomenon. Kind of neat to know I'm not alone....in that there are apparently lots of us with latent powers waiting to manifest.
That, when going to sleep at night, if my legs and arms were under the blankets then the aliens who were obviously watching me would think I was just a head and so they wouldn't bother abducting me bc who wants to abduct a head
I was pretty sure black people became that way because they ate too many Oreos. (I am now fully aware that that is false, and it was in no way hateful as a child)
I thought my parents were serial killers. They taught first aid classes, and had projector slides that were of cut up body parts and dying/dead people. I saw trash bags full of these as a kid and thought it was what my parents had done to people.
Why did your parents need slides of cut up body parts to teach first aid? Do you mean like regular injuries, or did they have collections of slides of severed limbs?
To demonstrate different kinds of injuries humans can get. Some were normal injuries - smashed thumbs, lacerations, bruising - some slides were particular injuries like bones sticking out through the skin and how you're supposed to deal with it as the first responder.
blipsman ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:40:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandfather has taped up a postcard of a chimp by their kitchen phone for some reason, and at some point I must've asked about it, and was told it was me when I was a monkey... I believed that until I was like 6 or 7, even though I had seen baby pictures of myself. Don't ever remember asking or getting explanation as to exactly when I'd been a chimp.
1m0a1L ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:04:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm probably very late to the show, but I used to think if you turned off the TV it would pause the program you were watching. I used to get very upset when coming home from school only to find that batman wasn't where I left it.
I recall being in first or second grade when my mom explained that nobody has to go to college. I informed her, "I'll probably just show up for the first day, to be polite. Then I won't come back."
d3phext ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:39:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
glad i could live your dream for you
JustVan ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:48:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember trying to figure out what "grade" my friend's much older sister was in when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. Her sister was in college, which was apparently this grade beyond 12th grade, which was the highest I knew. It was like 16th grade.
When I was a child I was afraid of being in a horror movie so I'd sing copyrighted songs and mention competitive brands. That way I knew I wasn't in a movie.
shlogan ยท 186 points ยท Posted at 23:10:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...old enough to understand copyright infringement, but not realize reality isn't a movie?
"Wow, sure is dark in the basement when the power's been knocked out. GOOD THING I HAVE MY SUREFIRE FLASHLIGHT TO HELP ME FIND MY WAY!" cue Ghostbusters theme
iluomo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:39:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I kind of don't believe you but either way this is still great
I didn't realize how funny it was until much later on, at the time I just thought it was logical.
iluomo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's like, so specific, like the rule totally makes 100% sense from an adult legal perspective and then you applied it to childhood fears as a solution...
I could see it used in a movie like Spaceballs with all the meta stuff
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that Jesus died, rezzed 3 days later, went to heaven 3 days after that, and then came down to earth to become Santa Claus 3 days after that.
pjabrony ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 18:45:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rezzed 3 days later
God has shitty ping.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:54:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was five or six, my cousins convinced me that inside each and every radio there was a tiny man or woman making all of it happen. I'm not sure if I thought they just had incredible range or what, but I went around for a year declaring that I would be a "little radio man" to anyone who asked.
eskriba ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:00:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my dad was an alcoholic.
My parents immigrated from Spain to the german-speaking part of Switzerland in the 60ies. As any good spaniard would do, my dad was used to drinking a glass of wine for lunch.
When I stayed at my swiss friends for lunch I never saw any other dad do this, therefore I assumed that my dad was an alcoholic, because life is pretty black or white when you're an eight year old.
I never discussed this with him back then and so it took me a few years to realize he actually had no alcohol related problem.
I had a good laugh with him when I told him this story in my 30ies. :)
My father had my brothers and I convinced that breaking apart Styrofoam would release gas that destroyed the ozone layer and if we did it too much the sun would kill us.
Turns out he just didn't want to clean up fucking Styrofoam all over the God damn yard hahaha.
gmchris ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:56:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought clowns were born that way. They were like people, just different. Like breeds of dogs.
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 16:35:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Same here. My mom told me on christmas eve that the radio tower near our house was Rudolph's nose.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:45:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I acted like a slime monster. I dug a hole in my garden, filled it with water and mixed it with earth and took a mud bath. My whole body was covered in mud. After it went dry, I was sad that some spots showed my skin again, so I took one again and tried to apply a third skin on top of my second mud layer.
I tried to grow on it, until it all fell of again.
I also often used my blanket got inside it and robbed along the floor like muk from pokemon. From under the kitchen table to all over the house. Later I also had a thick black jacket and acted like I was a mud golem. (To be more detailed, I got that mudgolem from the might and magic universe, I loved the strategy game and the associated RPGames, I also really liked how you could come to see face to face with the same types of units you commanded in the strategy game)
Although I have to add, that I did not think that I was literally a mud monster.
I am a hard core Pokรฉmon fan and always pronounce it properly in my head when I read it in text. But for whatever reason, the "small child" context made me read it as poke-ee-mon
gannex ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:34:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend that believed that every day would alternate between being a good day and a bad day. It would be a good day, then the next day would be a bad day, then the next day would be a good day, etc. He lived his childhood life based on this.
When I was six or seven, my Nanny (grandmother) bought my cousins and me a massive jar of jelly beans. She then failed to supervise us, so the three of us ate the whole jar in one sitting. I was a weird kid, so I separated my portion into groups of the same color. About half way through eating the last group, which were all red (my favorite color), I threw up.
For years I believed that I was allergic to red jelly beans, because I had been able to eat a lot of jelly beans, until I got to the red ones.
Eventually I realized that I had just eaten way too many jelly beans.
I used to think poops turned to bubbles in the bathtub. Then I left a log in the bath one time. My mom's right hand further confirmed my hypothesis to be untrue.
When I was six I asked my dad where did babies come from. He said from a woman's stomach. I asked how the baby comes out and he told me the doctors have a special tool that unties the moms belly button and the doctors pull the baby out. I believed him and carried on with life. Flash forward to day one of sex ed class as a high school freshman and the horror of seeing a vagina expanding and a small hairy baby head push out, add in all the fluids and stuff that comes out during labor. I sat in the class in shock. My world changed that day.
So, a local school of mine was celebrating its 100th birthday and my sister was saying the Queen and David Tennant were coming for this party celebration...Why did I believe that
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:44:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all the music on the radio was actually played by bands at the radio station.
eyseeee ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:10:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought i was older than my mum cause i was born in june and she in august =D i also thought if i stood on a rope and pulled hard enough, logically, i would start levitating.
When I was maybe 5 or 6 I though that you could only sigh with refreshment (Ahhhhhh!) after drinking 7-up. I often chastised people for saying "Ahhhhhhhh!" after drinking other beverages.
That I shouldn't steal, lie or touch myself because George Washington was watching from beyond the grave. Now I do it because he's watching อกยฐ อส อกยฐ
When I was 6 or 7 I was convinced that EVERYONE was a monster and if they concentrated they could pretend to be human to fool me, but as soon as I left the room they'd relax and revert to their monster bodies and discuss what ever experiment they were putting me through... I'm still not 100% sure this isn't true.
I probably need therapy but I'd bet that's just what you want me to do...
Nice try... YOU SECRET MONSTER. I'm onto your game, you can't trick me into thinking I'm the one who's delusional!
[deleted] ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 16:07:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
The Easter Bunny:
My uncle told me that every Easter at midnight, Jesus, a 2000 year old Jewish zombie would take the form of a magical golden rabbit with a huge erect penis. The "Easter Bunny" would break into the chicken coop and frenzy-fuck all the chickens, most of the brutally fucked chickens died and turned to chocolate, the survivors laid magical eggs. He would spent the rest of the night burying the bodies and hiding these magical eggs so there wouldn't be any or evidence to his horrific poultry rape festival.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 16:34:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no, but once he ate one of the eggs he found hidden in the yard, blacked out and woke up naked at Home Depot with a feather duster sticking out of his ass and a belly full of bird seed
"Bird seed" warranted a mental double take after OP...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
after he blacked out he went in a Easter-trance and thought he was a chicken. He got hungry. It makes perfect sense. I once took a small bite and I woke up on the roof in a fairly well constructed human-sized bird nest 3 hours later.
We went in a school trip to a natural history museum, and I overheard one of my 6 or 7-year-old classmates say he saw a piece of skin on the knee of the T. rex and it was growing. This planted such a seed of terror in me, you have no idea. I took this to mean, as the kid did intend, that the T. rex was coming back to life. I had somehow also gathered that my bedroom was at exact T. rex head-height and it seemed probable that I would be it's first target for a snack. I was terrified in dinosaurs (and that whole museum) for years. And I was 100% certain dinosaurs could come back to life. Thank the lord I was passed this phase when Jurassic Park came out, because I am pretty certain I might have needed professional help on this one.
I was playing under my bed and tore a tag off the mattress. Then I read it: "DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAG UNDER PENALTY OF LAW". I was convinced that the police were looking for me for months afterward.
I always thought when women turned 16yo, they would naturally and randomly become pregnant (with no intercourse). So as a child if a female told me she was 16+ yo, I would ask about their baby.
When I was young my dad would always take me to this redneck cafe he loved so much. On one of the walls hung a mounted animal that my dad told me was a doppelgรคnger. This creature, the doppelgรคnger, absolutely terrified me. I found out years later what the definition of a doppelgรคnger was and questions flooded my mind. I immediately flashed back to the painful memory of the evil creature at the cafe. I shared this new information with my dad expressing my concern and confusion only to find that doppelgรคngers were not terrifying creatures out to sabotage children's dining experiences, but that the "doppelgรคnger" was actually a mounted deer butt with teeth and eyes fashioned onto it.
Tl;dr I was afraid of a deer's butt all of my childhood
I used to think that when people got into airplanes they would shrink before they could fly. That's why they were so small up in the sky. This belief was reinforced by two different things. One, whenever we saw jumbo jet planes on the ground my mom would say those things are way too big to fly. My dad flew model airplanes and they clearly flew with no problem. So I thought people were shrunk down to the size of a model plane. Two, the Walt Disney ride Adventures Through Inner Space clearly showed (to me anyways) that shrinking technology was real.
There were some very annoying kids on my bus in elementary school. And almost once a week the driver would yell to the back, 'dont make me kick you guys off this bus'. Instead of thinking that meant they couldn't ride anymore I pictured him stopping the bus, grabbing the kid by the collar, then drop kicking him out the door and diving off.
For years I thought I remembered being in the womb at the same time as my sister, and us hanging out being friends in there. She's two years older than me.
Y'know how the location of an object appears to be different if you close one eye and look at it and then close the other eye and look at it?
I was convinced that I had telepathic powers and was moving these things and nobody knew. Everywhere i went i was fucking up people's shit by moving it a couple inches to the left or right.
Eventually told my mom and she crushed my dreams then and there.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:30:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when ice hockey players get a penalty, they go to prison for it.
Teachers would always say things like "your right, my left" when standing in front the class, so I thought when you became an adult your right and left sides switched.
Also I thought that just as you were watching people on TV, they were watching you too in real time.
There was also one time, I was about 4, I remember I really wanted to pee, but I wasn't at home (I was at the park) and I was lazy to run to my mom to tell her, and I imagined that if I just let it go, the pee stream would just go through my pants and out of them in a perfect stream (I didn't even think about unzipping my pants), the truth was very dissapointing, I watched in terror as my pants got soaked with pee, and started to cry.
Thanks, I guess I apologize "just in case"... when you're not speaking your first language, one just assumes that there might be at least a tiny mistake, and since I usually don't have anyone around to correct me...
New cars are marketed as 0km cars, so when I was little I associated km to km/h, and thought that their top speed was 0km/h. I couldn't understand how it worked.
niilly ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:00:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Posted this before, but I believed duplex houses were for people who were rich enough to live in a house with two patios, two front doors, two garages, etc.
My older cousin told me that if I looked at the moon for more than 10 seconds I would disappear. So I never looked at the moon for such a long time until one night my mom made me mad so I decided to look at the moon so I could disappear and when nothing happened I was even more pissed off.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:12:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:06:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the world started in 2000. The worst part of this was that I really loved dinosaurs and stuff and knew facts that the dinosaurs went extinct at around 65 million years ago. Not only that, but I knew the US became a country in the 1700s and stuff. But it was even more saddening because I knew I was born in 1998. Yet I thought the world began in 2000.
effinx ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:56:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually thought the world was black and white at one point. When I saw black and white tv shows or movies and asked why they werent in color...everyone always said it's because they are from back in the day, they were before color, or whatever. Therefore, I believed that before a certain point sometime long ago, there was just literally no frigging color and everything was black...or white. Thinking back maybe I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed....
My brother was dead certain for a number of years that the red stuff in packaged meat was "sauce". Also, that the chorus to Bon Jovi's "Who Says You Can't Go Home " was "Zorak, Zorak, Zorak".
My cousin and I found these little engravings under the bark of these trees next to my grandfather's cabin. We were convinced they were ancient artifacts, and that we were going to be rich. Turns out it was just some kind of bug leaving a trail through the wood. Ah to be young again.
I believed that Animorphs, the novels, were real. My best friend and I made a pact to tell each other if yeerks infiltrated our brains. As an adult, I now know that if a yeerk enters your ear canal, hope is lost.
In the TMNT universe - the Ninja Turtles start out as just regular turtles, but are exposed to toxic green "ooze" which causes them to mutate into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I had several canisters of the Ooze you could buy at Toys 'r Us or wherever.
I was convinced that if I ate some, I too could become a TMNT. After I realized that I could forever mutate myself into a crime fighting mutant turtle, it took me a while to make up my mind that this was something I wanted to do. What would my parents think? What about my friends at school? Would I even need to go to school anymore or would I be in full time training? Would I regret this decision later and wish I could turn back into a human? You know, the real hard hitting questions.
My friend and I mulled this over for WEEKS. Eventually, we decided that yes, we wanted to turn ourselves into mutant turtles and go into the sewers to find Splinter and begin our training. We each ate a whole canister of the ooze and waited for it to take effect. ...still waiting.
here is what the ooze canisters looked like
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:15:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in elementary school, I was genuinely concerned that the older kids on the bus could read my mind. This terrified me because my eleven year old mind was essentially a loop of excruciatingly detailed romance narratives involving a rotating cast of the older boys on the bus. My theory was based on the observation that sometimes, the objects of my ridiculous affection would turn and look at me on the bus.
As a countermeasure, I would spend the 23 minute bus ride with the volume on my walkman turned up to 11. But eventually, the songs just became the soundtrack to my fantasies. So I started counting. I would just count to an arbitrary number and then start over again. All while forcing the other kids in the immediate radius of bus seats to listen to muffled Blink-182.
In retrospect, this was completely ridiculous. On the bright side, when intrusive thoughts start creeping into my head, I just start counting until they eventually go away.
My parents kept saying my whole life when they didn't want to answer one of my (many) questions "we'll tell you when you're 21". I turn 21 this Wednesday so I'll check back in once I've had the phone call.
1) That those oil drilling machines that move up and down (like those birds with the water in them) were animals that escaped at night. My older sister used to torment me with that thought, she would point them out and get "scared" every time we would pass by one and even showed me a scar on her leg from when she was "attacked". She wasn't very nice when we were young.
2) I thought Michael Jackson was my brother. My dad had a son from a previous marriage, that I had never met, called Michael. I didn't know what he looked like or how old he was or anything but I remember seeing and hearing about Michael Jackson on T. V. all the time. I just figured he was never around because he was busy being a superstar.
I'm a little late to the party, but when I was growing up my aunt and uncle divorced and I was CERTAIN she ran away with a dwarf she met on the internet. I thought this until I was about 17. My mum loves this story and has no idea where I got it from
I thought color was something that was invented. Since I only saw pictures of "old stuff" in black and white, I thought the world used to be black and white.
Until I was about six, I thought that every adult was actually a skeleton (like, empty, cartoon skeleton) in a skin suit with a zipper on the back of their neck that zipped all the way down to their ankle. I have no idea where i came up with the idea, but I distinctly remember one time in kindergarten where my teacher was naming off the different bones in the human body, I burst into tears and called her a liar and then said I didn't have any bones. My mom got called in to discuss my "strange behavior" and she cracked the fuck up and took me home for the day, but told me to keep that stuff to myself from then on.
Probably too late for anyone to read, but I always thought the contrails behind planes were actually messages to direct the mail man where letters should be delivered.
I had incredibly vivid dreams that I could fly. Sort of. I would have to jump and lay out flat and if it worked then I would hover about 2 feet off the ground. It never worked in real life, but sometimes worked in dreams. I couldn't figure out what was real life. Like why can't I fly, I was flying yesterday.
Someone had told me that Michael Jackson had a body guard. I assumed this to mean he walked around in the red jacket from Thriller. I would picture MJ dancing down the street while bullets ricochet off the jacket
When I was young, I understood that kids were conceived through sex, but I thought that when you had sex the penis would detach and become the baby. Safe to say I couldn't wrap my head around how families had more than one kid.
I believed that when someone died in a movie they just used someone on death row to play the role
loridee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:32:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That radio stations had rooms and bands had to travel to the radio stations and go into a room and play their song and then travel to the next radio station. That we were hearing a song playing live when listening to the radio.
When I was about 3-4 I used to think that when you ate food it filled you up starting in your feet then slowly working it's way up. I imagined every part of our body was hollow. That's why, when people would put their hands up to their chins and say "I can't eat another bite because I'm this full", I thought the food had literally filled up their body to that point and any further intake would result in it spilling out of them. I obviously did not have a good sense of volume as a kid, or of the human body.
I thought anal sex leads to reproduction and when i learned that the penis should actually penetrate the vagina i was shocked and wondered how it fits.
when i was six years old, my older brother used to torment me by convincing me that sharks could swim from the ocean into the deep end of any pool through the drains. he blocked the ladder in the deep end of our friend's pool and screamed at me that there was a shark right behind me until i cried so hard i started to drown. from that day forward, i truly believed that sharks could access any swimming pool in the world via tunnels that lead to the ocean. this went on until i was about ten or eleven. i love my brother.
I thought that humans had an off button...
I thought it was your belly button, so one day my dad came in my room and saw me pushing my belly button wondering why it wasn't working. Kinda funny now that I think about it.
My family never watched Survivor, but I did see ads for it. The name, coupled with getting voted off the island, led me to believe that the losers were just kind of abandoned in the wilderness to survive.
Edit: That might be kind of a cool reality show. Send the losers out in the wilderness with just a cameraman, and if they can make it back to the set, they get to stay on the show. (Obviously the cameraman can radio for a pickup if they don't make it.)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:58:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there were really giants living in the clouds in castles so every time I was in a plane id look for them
In German, a Wrong-way driver is called a Geisterfahrer - literally a "ghost driver".
So everytime there was a radio warning while driving with my parents (and those happen quite frequently), something like Achtung all drivers - ghost driver on the A1 driving towards Salzburg - I literally imagined a (for some reason) deer-skulled ghost riding a spooky car on the highway. Of course they are going to warn the drivers about that!
-----------Drive carefully and DON'T OVERTAKE-----------
MissDomi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:03:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
As a VERY young child, 4 or 5, I told my mother I never wanted to become a mom. She asked me why and I told her that it was because I didn't want them "to take off my leg". I believed at that age, the only way for a baby to come out of the female from the belly, was to take a leg off, get the baby out, and reattach the leg.
When I was young my mother explained to me that the reason she had to go to work every day was to make money. For too long I took this to mean that work was literally making money, like just printing out dollars and coins, and my stupid child brain didn't understand why she couldn't just do this at home.
I believed that girls only had a butthole, not an "extra" hole. I thought babies came from jerking off on her cooch and then some of the cum would dribble into her peehole and get her pregnant, then the baby would come out her ass. Yes, I actually believed this is how it worked.
I figured it out one day when reading an encyclopedia. My life was forever changed when I saw the diagram cutaway of penis in vagina.
My mother loves picking scabs, so when i was a little girl and would fall over while running i would obviously get the huge coin scabs on my knees. She would tell me that if she didn't pick them they would turn into huge moles that would encrust into my skin. I was terrified of having huge moles on my knees and would sit there as she picked at my scabs and would leave me bleeding only to have them form again and her pick them all over again.
Writing this made me sad.
I thought I only had one hole down there until I was like 11. I'm female.
tc3590 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:21:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the only way to die was by being shot, stabbed, ran over by a car, stuff like that. I had no idea you could die of disease or natural causes. I think I was like 3 or 4.
poe1045 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:21:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex believed with all of her heart that only boy cats had tails
My dad got bit by a groundhog when I was about 5. He had to get a series of rabies shots because of it. I misheard what my parents said and thought they said "ground dog." And I imagined a huge scary dog coming up out of the ground.
I had the belief that once the lights were off at night, ghosts would occupy the corners of the bedroom, and that they would be able to detect and attack a human if that person made a sound, so I was always dead silent after the lights went off.
I slept with my sister on the same bed when we were very young. One night (I was 5) after she fell asleep I watched her roll slowly towards the edge of the bed, which was about 3 ft above the ground. I've never seen anyone roll themselves off the bed and didn't really believe it could happen, so I did nothing out of curiosity. When she hit the floor and started screaming her lungs off, I scream for my mom yelling, "they're going to eat us!"
I used to think that without the sun we literally could not move. Like all motion on earth would instantly stop. This was in 5th/6th grade when there was a sunny-d commercial that said the sun delivers x amount of energy to the earth every single day. there was a boy skateboarding, and they showed him stopping in motion. or something. as best as I can remember. Then I wrote about it in a paper in my 6th grade science class. That teacher must have thought I was a dumbass.
I believed with my whole heart that trees sensed the electrical field around power lines and grew away from them so as not to get zapped. I treated this as fact until I said it out loud to my husband about a year ago and realized about halfway through my explanation that young me was a gullible moron. I'm 31.
I must have been about 7, and my parents had took me food shopping to the local supermarket.
I decided I was bored and wandered over to the electronics department, you know the big stacks of televisions all playing random shows (no volume on).
Well a few of these TV's had a kids show on, Blue Peter if I remember correctly. So I stood watching them for a short while and at some point my child self thought it would be funny to stick my tongue out at the presenters.
Literally a second later the female presenter stuck her tongue out, and I froze, panicked and ran back to my parents.
Too ashamed to tell them I had stuck my tongue out at the TV people incase they told me off, I was left to believe for a long time after that anyone on the television could see you just as you saw them.
TL;DR
I stuck my tongue out at a television and the presenter did it back. Years of thinking the people on the TV were watching me.
It doesn't matter how much you eat. You won't gain weight because you poop it all out anyway. However, I thought I was the only person that knew this as a fact. Like it was my very own weight loss secret.
mlos55 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:02:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I though that planes made stops at individual houses, like the school bus did. Always looked forward to ,y dad coming home from business trips, but I always seemed to kiss the plane when it landed in our residential driveway.
When I was a child, shortly after learning about how metamorphic rocks came to be, I thought that holding in your poop caused pressure to build up in your butt, generating heat, which then melted your poop into diarrhea.
I thought that earthworms had to take a bite of, then simultaneously poop, a piece of dirt in order to move through the ground.
I did not find out I was wrong until I was 23 :/
My brother told me that if i got an air bubble in my blood stream it could kill me so after that i was afraid of getting close to fans, hair dryers etc. I remember he took a straw and put it against my skin an blew and i knew i wouldn't make it through the night.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:50:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That mustaches grow out of your nostrils.
thusthus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I used to think my grandparents were feeding me so much good food because they were fattening me up to eat me. I... I didn't have the best home life >_>
Also I thought every picture in the world was a spy cam for whoever was in that picture and I didn't even have posters in my room so I could feel alone. I was an anxious kid.
When I was 6 years old we went to Disney for the first time. At some point in the Muppet 3D show there's this one Muppet who pops out, points straight at you, and says, "All these people think I'm talking to them, but I'm REALLY only talking to YOU!"
I freaked out like I won the lottery. I was telling everyone I picked the lucky seat and walked out like a total badass.
My parents didn't tell me the truth until a few years later. I was devastated.
After watching Alex Mack and Charmed I believed I could move things with my mind if I just concentrated hard enough. I spent way too long staring at pencils trying to make them levitate.
After that failed, I started to believe I had the power of healing by touching someone. I'm yet to be entirely convinced otherwise on this, hence my skills as a pet masseuse.
I used to think that every food was once an animal that was killed. That includes french fries and potato chips
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:47:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dream as a child was to touch every atom in the universe. Sometimes I remember this is what I wanted to do and realize how fucking stupid I was.
Wronchi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:51:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought since my brother's birthday and my birthday were coincidentally each others 'half birthdays' that everyone's half birthday was on their sibling's birthday.
I couldn't figure out how an only child would have a half birthday.
And turning a half a year was a big deal when you're single-digit years old, man.
Around 2nd or 3rd grade I thought algebraic equations correlated with the position of the letter in the alphabet. For example, x is the 24th letter in the alphabet, so 2x + 1 would be 2(24) + 1. Sadly, I was wrong.
yatpay ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:59:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think all TV was live. I was impressed that the people in the commercials did it the same every time
Thought that chicken nibbles, aka hot wings, were baby chickens. Actually thought this until I was a 15/16yo and worked at a deli & butchery and had to make them (by cutting a chicken wing in half). THE biggest lightbulb moment.
I grew up bilingual and thought that when I spoke in my native language, Mien, that no one could hear me unless you spoke the same language. Turns out my second grade teacher could hear me during story time.
I thought I was going to grow up to be successful and rich.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My second birthday was on Easter. My little brother's second birthday was on Easter. Obvious conclusion: everyone's second birthday is on Easter.
I was far too old when I realized this couldn't be the case.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:21:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A few things...
I thought that aerosmith was aliens.
I thought that half of japan was still in the feudal era and the other half was a few hundred years in the future.
I thought that england was still in the 1800's era, but that they still had proper knights and whatnot.
I thought that i could grow up to be a jeep.
I thought that getting your stomach pumped meant having your stomach pulled out of your mouth so they could take whatever out.
I thought that all of the planets from the original starfox were real.
But i think my biggest misconception was that growing up would be fun.
Elementary school sucked because i was fat and got bullied, middle school was good i had my first kiss and also learned about my passion for art and music, highschool was nothing i spent the entire time smoking weed and hating myself.
When I was around 7 years old, I thought that the "Adult Toy Store" we drove past sometimes had really hard puzzles. I wanted someone in my family to take me there so I could buy a present for my mom.
When I was about 5 or 6 I believed that only boys could grow up to be doctors, that girls had to become nurses if they wanted to go into medicine. It was also around this time that I was really sad because I believed I couldn't be a real "California Girl" (like the Beach Boys song, my mother's a boomer, my dad was Silent Generation so the earliest music I grew up on was 50's and 60's music) because I am a multi-ethnic/racial brunette, and not a blonde.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:19:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when people sold drugs, they literally set up a little Shop with prices listed and everything on the corner at night and people came by like it was a regular cornerstone.
I thought guerrilla armies were actual gorillas. The idea terrified me.
R0yse ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:59:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 6 I actually believed that Star Wars was real, and that we just attached cameras to telescopes. I believed this because at the beginning of every move you it says 'In A Galaxy Far Far Away'. I think the worst part about this is that I convinced MANY of my friends.
moffach ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:13:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very little, I believed that the whole world before the 50's was in black and white just like the TV's.
Mum described some chicken wings as being "out of this world" because they were good. I thought they were becoming rare and soon would be extinct and wouldn't exist anymore. It made me sad.
I was convinced that the Orange, like the fruit part you eat, was prepackaged in the peel/outside skin by machines and/or humans . This was way before I knew how to science
That the screeching sound that tires make sometimes was what speeding was and you could get arrested for it. Don't think I was right in the head back then.
Quetzel ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:44:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good things come to those who wait. No, good things come to those who work for them.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:08:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I used to have a few beliefs as a young lad:
That the President of the United States was the richest man in the world.
Sex was when a man and a woman rubbed their crotches together (I had no idea about penetration).
Being an adult would be much easier because I wouldn't have to answer to my parents.
Every time I masturbated would be a day I had to spend in hell after I died. I wasn't even that religious. Not sure how this belief came about.
Women peed out of their butts (seems to be a pretty common belief by kids).
Edit: 6. Any time you got a shot (ie. vaccination) you had to drop your pants so the doctor could examine your balls first.
Why did you think your balls had to be examined? Did you try taking your pants off everytime you went to the doctor?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I remember getting a shot was when I had a full physical exam, so the doc had to check my giblets. For some reason I associated the 2 for a long time after that.
My twin and I are both Gemini. When I was young I thought that every twins in the world were born as Gemini. It sounded so logical to me at the time haha.
My parents would refer to a (my) butt a "buttskee" growing up. I thought buttskee was the proper name for someones ass, and we used butt for short.
When we were watching Forest Gump and he mentioned getting shot in his but-tocks i had to ask wtf was that. My mom said thats the official name of the ass. I was like 8 or 9. mind blown...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:53:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dinosaurs hasn't existed. I went to a fundamentalist Christian camp with a school friend and it really screwed with my perception of things. My parents regretted not looking into the camp before hand. A couple years later, a girl in school said she didn't believe in dinosaurs and everyone else argued with her, presenting the evidence, and I sat there silently realizing I had been duped.
I thought this too and was baffled when I saw Newman on Seinfeld after seeing Jurrasic Park.
Zanki ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I believed hard enough and was good enough, the Power Rangers would come and save me. Turns out that if you want to be saved you have to save yourself, people either don't give a crap or they can't or won't help. I don't think I actually believed they would come, but I wanted to believe so I did (my life was hell back then). I remember walking to school, looking into cars as they drove past and at everyone I passed, looking for the Rangers. I do remember one funny incident. I was in year seven or year eight, so 12/13 years old. I was in music class and some random sixth former came into our room looking for me. I was told to leave the room with him and I just thought, it's happening, the Rangers are finally here. I said nothing as we left the classroom. Turns out he didn't know the password to the music storeroom and the teacher who sent him over told him to find me because I knew it. Oh well, from what I remember I got to talk to a cute boy for a few minutes and got out of class.
When I was very young, still in my pushchair young I used to think the store mannequins were made out of people. I used to watch customers walk through the doorway in a huge Littlewoods store and then out of the same door walked an employee with a mannequin. It must have happened a few times for me to get this idea in my head. I was terrified of that doorway but also intrigued. I remember mum pushing me past it and me peering in, trying to see how they turned people into them. I'm guessing watching the old school Dr Who put the idea into my head somehow since it feels like it came from that. From what I remember, the women's changing room was there to the right and to the left was a storeroom. I had an odd imagination as a kid.
Awbez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cant leave the door closes when the fan is on or you'll suffocate..like wtf
At the corner store there was a sign "$$ for one pound of Boars Head" so I was pretty confused and asked what that was... my mother pointed to the large circle of pressed meat in plastic that brandished an image of a boar's head so naturally I thought all Boar's Head meat was literally made from Boar heads and further more, that it was in such demand was disgusting!
I had watched a couple movies in black and white which led me to believe that the world actually used to be black and white and then some crazy event caused the world to appear in color all of the sudden. I believed this until I was at least 9 or 10.
When my mum worked in an office in the city she would take a daily train. My young brain thought she would get on the train and stay on it riding all day around the city until she needed to go home. To me her office was a carriage of a train where she would meet clients every station stop.
I thought drinking and driving applied to all beverages. ( to be fair they don't exactly specify in those ads). So I thought I would go to jail for drinking orange juice in the back seat. To be fair those ads are very ambiguously worded especially to a child. Drinking =/ imbibing ethanol it confused the fuck out of me as a kid.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when two people's blood mixed together, such as when people become "blood brothers," they would both get AIDS. Even if neither of them had it already. I thought that's what AIDS was.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:08:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that whenever someone died in a movie that you were actually watching them die in real life.
Bkbee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad loved watching old movies which were in black and white. I thought that real life back then was in black and white and that life became color due to Wizard of Oz
I used to think that my ballsack was for storing urine.
Just from observing what happens when I go to the bathroom I should have learned better, but somehow it took me a bit longer to learn what testicles are really for.
Yvvell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I used to think deep rolls of thunder were gods bowling and sharp claps of thunder was the ball hitting the pins. Lightning was like confetti.
Kryian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You couldn't make scrambled eggs without milk. It's just how we always did it so I thought it was required. Was in my late teens or 20s before I learned otherwise
I thought that in the movies if someone died it was real. In my mind they were all criminals who needed the death penalty and that's how they killed people.
denikar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:12:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Family was strong Baptist. Had a belief that if I masturbated I was going straight to hell. Even saw movies about what hell was like. Fire, being burned alive, demons stabbing you with shovels, the whole nine yards. I laugh about it nowadays.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The things on the TV were actually inside the TV and could come out and interact with you. When I walked into my brother's room and saw him playing Silent Hill featuring zombie nurses with wheelchairs sticking out their backs, I freaked the fuck out.
I believed that the American continents were settled by ancient hebrews.
lelu2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:15:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That whenever a new kid would come into our class that we would have to start learning everything from the beginning of the year because he/she missed it.
That my grandfather could turn sticks into steaks. I saw him put some sticks in the grill and later saw him take steaks off. I'm still not 100% sure he couldn't...
That my brothers could call Chuckie to come murder me by contacting him via the dryer exhaust outside...
Jiazzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed luck was like a virus, or Pokรฉrus.
Friend A always had trouble beating a certain Megaman level, but when I was around, he was able to beat the level. I brought him luck. I also had this effect on another friend, friend B.
After a while, I got "cured" of this luck-giving and wasn't able to bring luck anymore to friend B. But when I brought friend A along with me, friend B got lucky. I observed I never got lucky with friend A around, so I was immune.
This was all before Pokรฉmon or me understanding how viruses and immunity actually worked.
I thought World War Two was ongoing and soldiers were being sent off to fight Nazis.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when you heard a song on the radio, there were tiny little people in the radio who played it for you every time. Every song. I was about 3.
ashep24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That absolutely everything has a consciousness at some level.
I always thought that in order to get better from a cold or sickness you had to give it to someone else. Looking back, I must have sneezed, coughed, and breathed on hundreds of unsuspecting victims.
I used to think I was a robot. My mother on a few occasions had to stop me from cutting myself open to check.
su- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the mid 90s there was a lot of news coverage of a war in Bosnia. It always looked so bleak and cloudy which gave me the impression that everything was in black and white in Bosnia.
mineu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my dolly peed in the potty. I swear to god it happened.
hobolow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That in order to make a baby a man had to pee in a woman. Wasn't until I discovered porn that I realized there was a whole other option.
My Dad used to tell my brother and I that the "Creature from the Black Lagoon" lived in the pond in the woods across my street. He didn't want us swimming in the nasty pond and drown.
Whenever I watched a movie and the bad guy got killed, I thought they'd gotten someone who was in jail to play the role, and then actually killed him. It seemed...efficient.
mehnsa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:04:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that most if not all adult were smart, competent, and knew what they were doing at their jobs/life.
I thought that thunderstorms were angels bowling, and that rain was angels crying. Because of this, I couldn't understand what was so very saddening about bowling.
At the age of 4 i genuinely believed that gushers would turn my head into fruit. I begged my dad to buy it for me and when i ate it i asked everyone around me if my head looked like a fruit and i was so upset and confused when my head didn't turn into some bulbous raspberry or something. This commercial https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gyzt3Q05Ris is why I believed this would happen, upon looking back, why the fuck would i want that?
I thought that if I talked to the speakers on the TV that the characters in the show could hear me. I always tried to save them from danger. I remember my mom just crying from laughing so hard.
rsmauz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:08:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought little gnomes lived inside of traffic lights and changed the colors. Then as I grew older and thought that was silly, there was obviously some poor sap watching the intersection through a camera and hitting a switch to change the light when enough traffic had stopped.
As a kid I asked my grandma how girls peed without a weiner. She told me that girls peed out of their butts.
Well my mom left and I had no sisters, so living with just my dad in a time before the internet was big I believed this until I was in 7th grade, when I had an argument with a classmate about the subject. That idiot thought girls peed from there vaginas lol
That boobs were full of milk and if you cut them off you could drink the milk out of them like a boob mug. How I did not end up a serial killer I don't know.
That I was going to go to jail. I wasn't a bad kid at all but since I was occasionally put in time out from time to time, I thought I would at one point be put in jail for a couple years.
Drylux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me he was once a 300 pound cowboy then became a race car driver. I thought he was amazing and I used to brag about it to anyone with ears. I didn't realize it was a joke till like 3rd grade. :/
Misty_K ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember when they told us about AIDS in school and how it was mostly in gay men in America because of sex but they didn't explain that it's because they were less likely to use condoms and stuff so even though I knew it wasn't how diseases worked my mind couldn't figure out why it was higher besides that AIDS just appeared sometimes if gay sex happened, like even if both partners didn't have it. And for the record I was never raised to believe that being gay was wrong or anything so it's not like I was told if you're gay bad things happen, I just couldn't figure out why it would be higher
Kighla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have anxiety using the bathroom. I felt that if I closed the bathroom door then someone or something could come out of the closet and embarass me. So usually I kept the bathroom door open because of this. However when I took a bath I'd close the bathroom door, and I very specifically was afraid that Team Rocket would come out of the closet, see me in the bath, and make fun of me, thus making me uncool. I was old enough to know they weren't real, but tell that to my bizarre anxiety problems.
When I was in 5th grade, I remember telling my friends about how boys have 3 balls, not 2.
JRCacc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little my parents always told me that if I was bad at restaurants that there was an evil witch hiding in a closet that would come out and take me away and punish me. I realized how ridiculous it was when I was 7.
I thought that if I dug deep enough down into my sandbox I could sink America. Never occurred to me how beaches work, but the thought alway terrified me.
I thought that the "wind chill factor" given on the weather forecast every morning was actually the temperature in the "windshield factory"! I remember wondering what it was about that type of factory that must make it colder than outside. Just imagine all those poor freezing workers in their jackets with their tears freezing in place!
I went to catholic school from pre-k to 8th grade and had two nuns for teachers. I literally thought they didn't have any hair and that their habit was stapled to their heads. Had a shock when they took it off once.
I actually believed that when somebody made a "world tour", they just got on a plane, and made a litteral tour of the earth, without even getting out of the plane.
Being a kid at the time, I didn't realism that when the new was talking about The Gulf war in the early '90s that they were saying "Gulf" I thought they were saying "Golf" and I didn't understand why people were hitting golf balls at each other, or why people were so upset as I didn't think golf balls would do that much harm. /facepalm
Rick___ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:00:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe the adults knew what they were doing.
sp4ce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:10:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those metal kick plates at the bottom of some doors. I really thought they were there so animals would get scared of their reflection in them and run away.
arcleo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:21:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid my mother loved to say "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it." I really believed her. Until I was about 10 I honestly thought it was legal for a mother to kill her children and I was terrified she'd really do it.
I determined my parents current financial status by the toilet paper in the bathroom. Single Ply? We must be living paycheck to paycheck. But that 2-ply, we are Oprah rich
Was convinced that when you flush the toilets that's when the Ghoulies could come out. So every time I was done in the bathroom I would get ready and flush the toilet, then make a mad dash for the door and close the light and the door behind me as fast as humanly possible.
When someone died in a movie in some spectacular way like being cut in half, the actor actually died, but it was ok because they cast people who wanted to commit suicide anyway.
KmKiero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:58:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a few.
When I was really young, I thought parents and children eventually swapped jobs, like I would be my mom and dad's father and they would turn into children.
I also thought women just kept having babies until they had some special surgery to stop having them.
erbaker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:58:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed garbage men worked one day a week
-Rcham ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:59:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everyone was a robot and I was the only real human. I also thought that my surroundings generated as I experienced them. This was when I was 6 so I hadn't been exposed to any hardcore Sci fi or anything like that at this point. Somehow I developed into a moderately normal adult
Because all married people had the same name, I thought you could never get married unless you met someone with the same last name. And then I knew you couldn't marry someone you were related to. So I figured it must be super rare for people to find a mate. But every adult seemed to be married so I was like "how the hell are these people finding each other?"
I saw something on PBS about alligators in the Florida sewer system. Every time I used the toilet, I thought an alligator was going to come up and bite my butt.
You know of how your eyes have a huge floating blue spot in front of them when you stare at the sun? Well, I asked my olde brother about this and he said the purpose of the blue dot was to lead you to treasure. If you follow the blue dot long enough, you WILL stumble upon something like a treasure chest full of gold.
So naturally for the next six hours I would stare into the sun until the blue dot appeared, then wildly follow it wherever it led me. Now of course the dot eventually fades away, at which point you have to look at the sun again. Whenever this happened I thought it was a way of telling me that I wasn't worthy, that I wasn't worthy for this treasure or whatever awaited me. By the end of the day I was a stumbling idiot that was around 90% blind.
Way too late to this party, but I thought people were hollow. So when my mother was pregnant with my baby brother, and she said he was in her belly, I thought all the food she ate fell on his head.
I used to believe that when a woman was pregnant the umbilical cord attached itself to the baby from behind the woman's own belly button. Like it was some weird nutritional passageway and that was why we have belly buttons.
tnasr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:50:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had convinced myself that I had Aids for some odd reason (when I was 10-11 years old). There was a lot of news on it at the time and I didn't have a clue how it was transmitted. I just thought I had it. Strange.
Child of the 80's? Me too. I remember in the late 80's laying in bed absolutely devastated because I had been bitten by a mosquito... and thought that I surely had AIDS from it. (because people were WAY ignorant about it then)
Eli-Cat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1) In Canada in the 90's and early 2000's, the government put out an ad that was basically a short documentary of the "North American house hippo". A tiny hippo that comes out at night from under your bed to eat all your crumbs. The ads ended with "don't believe everything you see on TV" but I always disregarded that point for some reason and firmly believed that they were real.
2) that stuffed toys came alive like in Toy Story and if you were nice to them and hugged them often they would protect you from monsters but if you neglected them they would attack you in your sleep.
3) I used to thrash around a lot as a kid in my sleep which resulted in occasional bruises. For a brief period I was worried that Michael Jackson was coming into my room at night and beating me up. I'm not kidding. I was almost convinced.
Black people are black because when they were born their mom pooped at the same time. Thanks sis.
EZ36DP ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that age had a multiplying factor.
My mom was 39 when I was 8 so I calculated that I'd be twice my age when I'd be 16 and my mom would also be twice her age which would come up to 78 years old. Then ended up assuming she'd most likely be dead by the time I'd turn 20... And I started to cry.
I'm now 25 and she's still there, still wondering what went wrong with my math
My older sister's friend told me that if you talked into the volume button on the TV, the people onscreen could hear you. Believed it for far too long.
tdotbay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everyone spontaneously combusted into white fire devils when I left the room.
No clue where that came from. I must of been a lonely child or something
I didn't understand the concept of day/night. I didn't know the sun was going to come back the next morning.
I was raised on my father's music. 'Mr. Blue Sky' was one of my favourite songs and I took the lyrics very literally. Every morning for a couple of months, I'd run into my parent's bedroom screaming something along the lines of "Mr Blue Sky is back! Get up! He's back!". They just thought I really liked the song but I genuinely took it as the truth.
I also cried many times over Puff the Magic Dragon's death.
I didnt grow up with brothers, and for quite a while I had no idea what the physical difference between a boy and a girl was, so i assumed that to find out when a baby was born, you would put a girl toy and a boy toy infront of the baby, and whichever they chose was their gender. In grade 1 my logic got confused, because some girls liked playing with cars. It all came together eventually.
When I was around 4 or 5 my family lived out in the country in two trailers on about 5 acres. One night I wake up to this horrible smell, I look over to my friend who was sleeping with me on the pull out couch bed in the living room and ask her if she farted. My nana was in the kitchen laughing and told me the smell was skunks. Around the same time I see my dad and papa leaving out the front door with their shot guns. At this time I had never seen a skunk. With my imagination I pictured em to look similar to a werewolf , I mean why else would my dad and papa need those big O guns. So for the next couple of days until the smell went away I was scared to go pee or even go into a empty room with out my mom.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought pregnancy was something that women "caught", like a cold or something. I also thought that the moon followed my Dad's car on long trips.
That pencil lead was real lead and that I knew that lead was dangerous after watching it on Nat Geo or something and I came to despise using pencils for fear of lead poisoning.
My mom told me that poop was there to clean us out. I believed that somehow the poop moved around our blood cleaning it like a brush. It always confused me how my poop could fit through my arms without noticing it.
Eridion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought everyone in the world had a different first name to avoid confusion, one day one of our neighbors came over and intruduced himself using my name, so I said yea thats me, he then said thats his name too, after looking at him for about 5 seconds I punched him in the stomach and walked away.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:34:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The consequences of getting shot. Foot? Dead. Hand? Dead. Leg? Dead.
Erezen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late, but I thought "Pedestrian" was a Christian denomination.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Up until about age 8, I genuinely thought that when a person had a heart attack, their heart actually breached their chest wall and started beating them senseless somehow, probably with fists that it somehow grew. Now I think of that scenario and I picture the heart just flailing about and swinging whatever's still attached at the person.
Remember those old pepsi commercials? "just one calorie!". In my child mind, a calorie was a literal, physical thing. I always wondered how they got exactly one calorie in each can, and what if you only drank half? Did you have a 50-50 chance of drinking that calorie? I spent a lot time and soda pouring them out on sidewalks looking for that stupid calorie.
This is gonna be buried but when I was way younger, my older bro somehow convinced me that red blood cells looked like Elmo and could come out of your body and play with you if you willed them to.
Also, he claimed to have the power to change night to day or vice versa but could only do it once in his life. Of course, I kept begging him to do it but he would give me some lame excuse. Sigh
In kindergarten, we were going over our birthdays, and no one in the class was born in February, so the teacher said, "Ok, so no one can be born in that month."
For the next 4 years, I didn't believe anyone who told me that they were born in February.
When I was four, I watched my father play the original COD. Later, he told me he was in the military a few years before I was born. For two years, I thought that people in the military could actually respawn.
v_matia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I am the middle of three kids. I have an older brother and younger sister. When we were little (3-5 years old) I would take baths with my brother, when he grew up I would then take baths with my sister.
I relaized when I started taking baths with my younger sister that she didnt have a noodle (if you know what I mean). But my older brother and I did have noodles. I had never seen anyone naked apart from my siblings, so I didnt know what to make of it. So in my little kid brain I deduced that my younger sister HADNT GROWN INTO HER NOODLE YET lol
nednikb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really late to the game here but I always believed that elves were hiding in the vents spying on me for Santa. I would cover them up while I was changing clothes or peer into them trying to catch a glimpse of one.
Also, my mom told me the sandman comes and makes me sleepy every night by throwing sand in my eyes. So naturally, on nights that I couldn't sleep, I'd be really careful not to rub the sleep from my eyes so that I'd fall asleep faster.
When I was around 6 years old my cousin and I would spend our weekends/summers/ etc. out on my grandparents farm, it was a decent lot around 7 acres. One day my cousin and I are digging holes to make ramps for our bikes and we came across some old bones, when we went to ask my grandma she told us that they were the bones of the Indians my grandpa killed, so he could take their land. We got really excited and decided to go looking for the rest of the Indian bones. Around 6 years later we found out that my grandpas dogs would just go out and burry the rib bones they got as treats
That water and food went down a different hole which involved flaps in my throat that rapidly flipped and grates as well as this being the reason for me always being able to eat dessert in that ice cream was just frozen liquid and melts on the way down and goes into my water stomach.
Biotot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sheltered suburban life I thought that strangers were naturally trust worthy.
My first semester of college I learned not to buy speakers out of a van the hard way.
When I inquired what my dad did when he went to work, his reply was "I make money". For the longest time, I pictured him slaving away in a factory line, printing, sketching, and colouring huge reams of paper... making it into money. Pouring liquid metal into moulds to make coins.
During lunch at school, I'd casually say, "my dad made that", when kids would take out their money to pay for lunch.
One day , I went swimming at my grandma's pool with my family. Shortly after swimming, I started to get out of the water and dry off. When asked why, I replied that I was too cold and wet, and I needed to dry off my testicles. I didn't understand why everyone started laughing. I'm female. .. I think part of it was that I was just really intrigued by how the word 'testicle' sounded. it has a nice flow. I don't know why you men get to have that interesting word all for yourselves.
I used to believe that making games were as simple as coming up with them.
Me at the age of 6: "Oh, so you could just come up with an idea and it turns into a game? I should totally make video games when I grow up!"
Me (10 years later) developing my first game: "God damn it what am I going to do about the sound effects? I have zero programming experience, how can I make this thing not be a boring ass RPG Maker game? Oh shit, people are telling me that nobody would want to do this in a game and thus I'm making something nobody will play."
Times were simpler then, although I really should had saw that ridiculous fantasy not being true. Making games and the development process for them requires a wide variety of skills and a lot of time.
As a young kid I didn't want to believe that making video games were hard and got incredibly discouraged when I realized that. Now I have to start learning the development process and organization of making these games much later than I should have done so.
I thought my name would be different for each and every language. Duh... I even asked my cousin what my name would be in Hindi. Still can't forget the look she gave me.
When I was 5 or 6, I had no idea about sex. Like at all.
I thought you made kids by French kissing (otherwise why the fuck would you wanna share saliva with someone else), this idea broke down after I realised I was jizzing on my food and stuffs.
Also i thought each testicle was an unborn and tiny child - that being why my parents always told me not to hit by balls on anything etc. It kinda got pushed along by me having one sibling (two kids two testicles duhhh)
I grew up in Memphis and always thought the red light on top of Memphis' pyramid was a guy. I thought that was his job, to stand at the top and hold that big red light.
When his shift was over, I figured he just slid down.
I used to think on a map, New York was Maine. New York always made me think of the Statue of Liberty and on a map Maine looked like the torch Lady Liberty held. Young me just put 2 and 2 together.
I thought that when I had woken up to a boner, it was actually a bone that had shot up into my penis without my acknowledgment. I Asked 1st grade friends if they ever had the same thing happen to them, we concurred it was true. I single handedly misinformed an entire class of children about their dicks.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:23:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I mean most mammals do have a penis bone, we just don't
I used to believe that my whole life was just a game show. That everything i did was being watched by some studio audience somewhere, so that eventually when i found out, i'd win the game/life.
When i eventually asked my parents about it, expecting them to say "well done, you've won! You now know everything about what life is, and the universe etc", they instead said "Wtf, no thats not how life works" with a confused as hell look on their faces.
Turns out my 6-10 year old perception of life was wrong all along, and i made an idiot out of myself asking my parents about it!
nelizzy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe if I folded something in half before eating it, I would actually be eating less! e.g. fold a pizza slice, only eat half a pizza slice! I was brilliant!! And fat.
I don't know if anyone will see this, but around 7 years old I firmly believed that entire cities of dwarves lived underground. They operated traffic lights. That's what they did.
Oh oh almost forgot. Around this time I also thought actors really died in movies. What an amazing sacrifice for an artistic endeavor, I thought.
I thought children are born children and adults are born adults.
pjvex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My uncle convinced me that statues could come to life and eat me. So if I saw a particularly realistic looking one (or mean or big), I'd start running away from it...this went on for a year. My parents were irritated and upset.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:20:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad's cousin believed that the only people in the world were the people in his small town. Whenever he traveled, he thought everyone was coming with him to a new place. He thought he was in his own Truman Show.
My Dad once told me that thunder storms where clouds crashing into each other.
So when it came to explaining about thunder storms in school. I explained, with lots of confidence, how it was clouds bumping together. My teacher looked very confused.
When I was about 6 or 7 years old, I thought that your soul was specifically inside your heart. And I thought if a doctor cut open your heart after dying, your soul would fly out like sparkly confetti.
I also believed that a serial murder witch lived deep in the woods behind our house. My two OLDER brothers and I would play in the woods a lot and came across what used to be a tree. The trunk was still standing, very tall, no limbs and seemingly hollowed out.it was so big around that the three of us couldn't reach all the around it holding hands. At the peak if the trunk was the exact likeness of a babies face. They told me that a witch lived in the area and she performed black magic using children in her craft. And that creepy tree is where she dumped the remains. And the souls of the children couldn't escape and were crying to be heard which is why there was a baby face at the top. And me, being the gentle soul that I am, felt so bad for these murdered children. I would bring offerings to them. Toys and sweets. Crayons and paper. I would even get on my knees and say a prayer for them. When my parents asked me where everything kept disappearing to I told them I gave it to the children in the woods. They got it in their heads that homeless kids were living in the woods behind our house, my dad went out looking for them leaving my mom and I alone. I said to her "he's not going to find them." Mom replies, "why not sweetie?" I looked up at her with a sad face and told her "they're dead" I have never seen my mother that scared in my life. Actually I have but that's a whole other story. So my brothers tried to scare me but it actually ended up terrifying our mother beyond repair.
That actors who played bad guys in movies actually died at the end, and that they actually auditioned so that they could die on screen so that their families could make tons of money. My argument for the same actor dying in multiple movies was that they made all the movies at once and just edited the death scenes to make them look different.
I thought everyone had one toothbrush for the whole family. Ours was tied to the wall-mounted soap dish with string. 1) Yes, I'm from Mississippi. 2) My teeth are fine.
Mom once told me that green m&'s make you horny. I was about 5 at the time and anytime I get a bag of m&m's, with peanuts of course, I think about that. I still have second thought about eating the green ones.
Babies come from a cabbage patch. The cabbage grows and if the farmer doesn't pick it the leaves start to rot away, and when it rots to the center and falls open there is the baby. And you would just have to hope the farmer finds the baby before a coyote gets to it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:21:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my name was childish, so I just assumed people just changed their name into an adult name once they got older. One day I decided on James and told my parents I had decided to change my name to James when I was old enough. They were confused.
If any part of me stuck out from under the covers at night it would get chopped off by a demon with a meat cleaver. . .
Or when I pulled a shirt over my head, on or off, it would change my reality somehow.
Also this is kinda weird but I believed that there were infinitely long knives that came from my finger tips that were invisible and almost nonexistent up close but on the other side of the world they would be reeking havoc on poor innocent people.
I remember spinning around to get dizzy. Afterwords you had to spin the other way the same amount to reset yourself correctly to the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:31:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
there was a kid in my class who genuinely believed that black and white spotted cows were fake, that they had somehow rounded up and painted 'regular' cows with splotches to make them look fancy.
I swear she's the reason we got to go to the petting zoo/farm each year, to learn that cows actually come in multitudes of colors/patterns.
I wanted to be a bridge toll collector because I thought whatever money people were giving them was their pay. I thought I would be rich. Until I found out they don't make that
Heageth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:00:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a child I believed that every beach was next to a jungle and visa versa. So when I would go to the beach I kept wondering where the jungle was and worried about the animals.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:01:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. I used to believe that way and in turn, I thought Islam was a race...
Keamy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:11:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That god is real.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:20:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Around the age of 5, I refused to go outside at night because I thought you would float up. It started when my mom told me it was dangerous to go outside at night without an adult. In my mind I thought an adult was heavy enough and could hold your hand, so you wouldn't float away.
I believed that I had to use the light switch exactly seven times each night to turn out the lights before going to bed in order to prevent my family from a horrendous massacre.
That people got vaccinated for diseases to prevent them from spreading to cute animals like pandas.
When I was little, my dad used to take me to the zoo after every vaccination as a sort of reward. One day, I told him I was sick of seeing pandas and I hated needles. He said that I had to get vaccinated, not for my sake, but for the pandas ... Because I'll pass my human diseases to them and they would die. D:
When I got a PlayStation I used to think that the enemies in the game were played by employees at the shop it was bought from. Like they'd wait around all day until somebody starts up the game they're assigned to play and they'd control all the enemies over the phone line or something
In my native language (Nepali) when an earthquake occurs we say "an earthquake went by" - I used to think that earthquake was some person and everyone always saw him run by but I would get sad because I never got to seem him. In my mind I always imagined it as a dark shadow figure that ran around.
For a very long time I thought house hippos were a thing.
Amanoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:27:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every year, a senile old men would come to the country from Spain by steamboat, along with his helpers whose faces turned black from chimney soot, bringing us presents and small cookies that are kind of like a crunchy gingerbread.
HK-4795 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:30:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First day of 1st grade, I thought restrooms were a place you went to literally rest.
My older brother completely convinced me that that there was an island in Japan that had real live Pokemon on it. Kinda like a real life safari. My mum ended up crushing my dreams when I told her I wanted to go there. :'(
My brother convinced me that every 8 years you could add an extra letter to your name. So on my 8th birthday I told my mom that I would like to add the letter B to the end of my name. She was like wtf no.
That the whole world was black and white until the 70's...i believed that somehow until i was about 12 y.o.
kyljmk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:01:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that when actors spoke a foreign language in films, they were completely making it up (a la Joey's French), my reasoning being that if I didn't know other languages how could anyone else
I thought there was a crocodile in the toilet that would emerge whenever the toilet was flushed. I was so scared to flush the toilet and would always run away so fast, legging it up the stairs two at a time just so the crocodile wouldn't get me.
I used to read books before I went to bed, and I usually fell asleep while I was reading them. I would wake up to find that the books were gone (my parents had put them away). I remember feeling something under my covers that felt like a hardcover book, and so I thought that my bed ate/absorbed books that were left on it and I was careful never to do this again.
I always thought that when law enforcement in the US said "anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law" it meant that if you said "computer screen" they would then bash you over the head with an actual computer screen.
As a kid I was convinced, salt and pepper would even out each other by the same principle as base and acid.
I'm not sure why. No one ever led me to believe this, yet I believed it for an embarressingly long time..
TheGurb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:37:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since I never had seen my parents or other grown ups go to the toilet I made the logical conclusion that grown ups didn't have to go to the toilet. Ever.
I thought that all those toilets were just for the children.
I remember being absolutely shocked in 3rd or 4th grade when it was explained to me that my thoughts don't actually make a sound. I used to think my brain actually spoke my thoughts aloud but the sound was muffled by my skull and flesh and hair and so on.
I thought that each star in the sky represented each person who died since the beginning of time. I thought that when you died you just become a star. So many stars, and so many people deceased, it made sense to me !
When I was like 8 these teenagers would walk with me and my brother to school because they lived by us. They had us believing that their uncle was able to create a powder that allowed them to fly and they would tell us every Monday that they were out flying and that they would bring us some. Yeah that went on for a whole year then I realized they were full of shit and though the comic need in me wanted to believe it was possible the realist in me said enough
My older brother was born with a defect which meant his left leg simply wasn't there upon birth, only his thigh had developed. He'd learned from a very young age to walk with a prosthetic, and even got into weightlifting, swimming and biking. For the rest of us six kids, it was absolute normality, and something that never bothered us.
Except for me...whilst it never, ever bothered me, I asked him one day exactly how he lost his leg. Instead of explaining the birth, he told me he once fell down the stairs, and his leg just fell off.
Not that his leg broke, and had to be amputated...but it popped off like a doll-limb. 8 year old me was fascinated, a little scared at such prospect, and intrigued. I remember telling my friends in school, and them being so nervous of falling down stairs.
A year or two later, I tumbled down the stairs, nothing serious. But I cried and cried, and as my mother consolled me, I said, "What if my leg fell off like (brother's)?" Her expression changed from confusion, to interest, to pure humour as she started to crack up, and berated my brother for his mind games on such an impressionable (stupid) sister.
Funnily enough, a few months ago, my best friend (we're both 22 now) were talking about family. She awkwardly asked me about my brother's disability, and I could see years of curiosity got the better of her.
"So, uh..I heard in school his leg got bit off by a shark..."
"What the fuck?!"
Turns out, in middle school, that's what he told people. That son of a bitch.
For a while I believed I had fallen asleep when I was 6 and everything since then was just me dreaming.
We moved from Germany back to the UK at that time and I guess I had trouble adjusting so chose to believe my UK life wasn't real.
Omny87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:33:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live in Texas as a kid and I used to believe that tumbleweeds hatched from eggs. They were soft like snake eggs, and were the size of basketballs. My logic was that I only saw tumbleweeds rolling around, never growing like a plant, so I figured they were some kind of weird animal that just looked like a plant, like mobile land-coral.
Having watched the Planet of the Apes movies as a child, and subsequently hearing news reports about armed guerillas attacking villages somewhere, I was very much mistaken for far too long about the weapon usage capacity of your average nonhuman primate.
My parents took me to Ivory Coast when I was seven. When I came back I thought Zulu warriors would come to get me in France by taking a plane like I had. (FYI there are no Zulus in Ivory Coast; they live at the opposite end of the continent in South Africa)
TuyRS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, I noticed that all old pictures were black and white. Therefore, I thought that the world was actually black and white and color wasn't invented back then.
That the black market was actually at some secret location where people came and had stands like you would at a farmers market and if the police came everyone took their stuff down and ran away before they'd get caught.
I went to radio shack to return a opened game. And they said they would not take it back because now we have CD burning.
So I took out the CD and said "look I didn't burn it all, it's still new.". He just looked at me and gave me my money
The neighborhood I grew up in until I was 8 years old was...not the best. My grandparents lived three houses down from us and one day, when I was about 6 or 7 (I'm 35 now), while they were at our house, their's was burglarized. Nothing was stolen, but the place was ransacked...especially the playroom, where most of the toys for my sister and I were kept. My Grandma's purse was there, it had been dumped out, but no money or credit cards were stolen. I heard my mom say, "They were probably looking for kids to kidnap."
My little 6-7-year-old brain then developed a huge internalized fear that someone would break into our house and kidnap me. Along with that, I developed a superstition that if I slept with my fingers crossed, under my pillow, and pointed toward the window, that nobody would be able to break in and kidnap me or my sister.
We moved to a nicer neighborhood when I was 8. I kept doing this until I was 10, and then one night I decided to "try" sleeping without crossing my fingers. I didn't get kidnapped that night, so I decided it wasn't necessary.
I thought episode of shows would have different endings sometimes. That the writers and animators would just have several different endings that could be ran that time.
I would be watching spongbob like "maybe he won't make the same foolish mistake this time?? Nooo Patrick you dumb fuck! We have been through this before!" It was a belief that kept me interested but often led to frustration.
tquast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:01:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to not know the difference between prosecution and execution so when I saw the "shoplifters will be prosecuted" signs I believed they killed them.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:17:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was raised in a Christian family. Asked what a soul was, and somebody told me that it's what's inside you. I apparently was extremely literal, because I then thought that when my soul went up to heaven it would be like a bunch of internal organs with wings going up into the sky. I was kind of upset that we were all going to be so ugly in heaven.
My dad was in the Air Force and he had to go on TDY alot. One time he went and we weren't allowed to know where, all my mom told me was "Far away." We had this Bearnstein Bears book where the Papa went far far away to the moon. So I went to school and told everyone my dad was on the moon.
I was scared of going to the toilet because I thought I would get sucked down it like Nemo. Only years later did I realise that he was sucked down a sink drain and not a toilet.
Just became a teenager probably 13 but I was always scared that in the future when I had sex I would put it in the girls pee hole instead of the baby making one. In my defense porn doesn't explain much.
I thought eggplants grew by digging a whole and cracking an egg into it. I never ate eggplant because I thought this was so gross but I always was in my parents backyard cracking eggs into holes.
That I would one day find myself in some kind of story, set as the protagonist that would get the girl and save the day. I truly believed it, never happened.
I thought you'd get pregnant if you kissed someone for too long.
I remember watching Neighbours and seeing a couple kiss for more than 5 seconds and thinking "Oh no! Now the girl is going to have a baby!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I haveno idea where I got the idea from but for a while I was under the impression that cartoons were parallel universes we were filming.
Amonza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid, I used to think that if I ate sunflower seeds, I would have sunflowers growing out of my mouth, ears, nose and butthole.
cruate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed for some reason that when you were pulled over by police, the first thing you had to do was to cite the number on your licence plate or else they'd take you in. I memorized my dad's and was terrified that he'd ever forget it in case we were pulled over.
My big daddy (grandpa) would always tell me that if I ate the seeds of any kind of fruit usually watermelon that I would have vines growin out of my ears and nose and mouth. Still to this day even though I know the truth if I accidentally swallow a watermelon seed I freak the fuck out. He may have passed on but his lies live on!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced until around the time I was 8-9 that if I used the soap at my grandfather's old house in the middle of nowhere, the lights would go out. Why? Well, when I was little, if I used the soap at his old house, it would just so happen that the lights go out.
Until recently, I was convinced that the Blue Screen of Death was deadly to even look at. (around 2 years ago I figured out that it wasn't really a screen that can kill you)
Raised Catholic and my aunt made us say three Hail Mary's before we took a trip. I hated this because I thought it went "Pray for us sinners now AT the hour of our death." It's actually "Pray for us sinners now AND at the hour of our death."
As a child I thought that if you jumped while travelling in a high speed train (like TGV in France), you would just hit the damn walls of the train and die.
That if I flushed the toilet, a giant hand and arm would reach out and pull me in. You could see me opening the door, getting as far away from the toilet while keeping it still in my reach, flushing it and then sprinting away to the other end of the house.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:48:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents used to tell me that back in the day ( not sure when ) if you lied people would gather around you for a ceremony where someone would cut out your tongue.
My mother once told me not to mess with the vent in the bathroom. She did not, however, explain why. The logical assumption, of course, was that said vent contained a timer, and when said timer hit zero, the planet would blow up. I became very worried every time I walked in and the vent was turned on.
That if I tied my legs together while I slept, I'd eventually turn into a mermaid.
I would use the ties from my bathrobe to tie my knees and ankles together before I went to bed for several nights in a row.
ImMrsG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:42:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought kissing was the same as sex. Learned the hard way when I went to school and asked everyone if they have sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend. I was 6 and my teacher was horrified.
That breathing in a car as we rode past a cemetery would legitimately upset the deceased.
Delsana ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That being a friend to others would lead to more friends.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents convinced me that each seat in the car had a pressure sensor, and the car wouldn't start unless each seat belt in an occupied seat was buckled. Personally I wish this was a feature in cars.
I use to think water would make your hair grow kinda like a plant. After getting haircuts I wouldnt shower for a while cuz I didn't want my hair to grow lol
Did you watch Rugrats when you were younger? Well they always used to say "thank you Bob" instead of "thank you God" cause ya know, babies. And my neighbor's name was Bob so I figured he was the one.
I didn't know my father when I was a child. Through completely misunderstanding something I overheard my mother say, I came to believe that my father was Bruce Willis.
hwwv5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:26:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad left the tv on when he went into the shower and one time a documentary about a male to female transgender came on, and she said "I remember when I was a little boy" so I thought that if your born a girl, when you turn into an adult, you naturally change into a man and continue life. I thought this for years until one tme I asked my mom "what was it like when you were a little boy?". She was confused and then explained how it actually worked.
I thought the stomach had chambers for every type of food. If you didn't like something it was because your stomach didn't have that chamber and the food had nowhere to go
Before I took a shower, I'd have to run to the back closet to grab a clean towel. The closet was around a corner and mostly dark. I used to RUN to grab my towel, then RUN FOR MY LIFE out of that closet because I thought an alien was gonna get me.
I was 100% convinced that people in movies and on TV were performing it live for me every time I watched it, and that the rest of the time they just waited around for me to watch them again.
Back when i was younger and used vcr's i came up with the idea that everytime i would remind the movie the people who played in the movie would actually rewind. Like acting sceens backwards and everything!
For some reason, when I was a kid, I always thought people didn't breath when they slept. So every time I pretended to be asleep I would hold my breath.
If I used the same shampoo as you my hair would look like yours. Regardless of hair texture associated with ethnicity or hair a different color than mine. You have an afro? Tell me what shampoo you use. You have a cool haircut? Please tell me what shampoo you use. You have red hair and I'm a brunette? TELL ME WHAT SHAMPOO THAT IS!!!
My father told me he only had half a pinky finger because his mother cut it off with a spoon since he always stuck his finger in his nose so much. That stopped my brother and I from putting our fingers in our nose real fast. When I was like 12 I asked him how his mother cut his finger with a spoon and he told me that what ACTUALLY happened was when he was 16 he was making a stand for his speakers in the garage and he was being a dumbass and not being safe with the saw. It ended up slipping and cut half his pinky off. After he realized what he did he tried to find the half that fell off but couldn't. He went to the hospital to get it fixed but he has always theorized that the neighbors cat took and ate his finger.
Luczrio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:24:01 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced babies were conceived through kissing until 7th grade...
I used to think that everybody was born the age that they were. So my grandma was born looking old and i was destined to be a child forever.. Which in a way, I still am.
I believed cats were girls and dogs were boys. Also you were either born a child or an adult.
Zhemyra ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:16:47 on April 22, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in kindergarten, I developed a bad habit of biting my bolster before I slept. In attempt to curb my habit, my mom told me that it was bad for my teeth and that they would eventually all fall out because of it. For some reason that didn't really faze 5 year old me and I continued doing it.
Then one day my mom told me that since I was a biter, I couldn't hug bolsters to sleep anymore. Instead, I'd have to use a baguette as a bolster for the rest of my life.
My neice when she was 5 thought that different segments of the moon where all held together by magnets to make the full moon, much like Terrys Chocolate orange. To get the different stages of the moon, someone pulled the different pieces off then put them back together.
I always thought if you fell down a well it was a gateway to hell Lmfao. My dad used to tell me it to keep me anyway from the one we had on our property.
I know, for a fact, that Santa is real, because I saw him sail across the sky.
I went outside with my dad to get some firewood out back on Christmas eve, and coming back in I look at the sky. There, across the moon, I saw Santa's sleigh flying overhead, and got incredibly excited because he was near. My dad too saw it, I know he was up there.
I ran inside, made my brother and sister go to bed so he could come, and woke up the next morning to all his presents. It was amazing, and the belief lasted for years after because I saw him.
Years later I've come to realize that it was some guy in town with a major spotlight and a cutout crossing over it, sending a shadow into the sky. My dad knew, but kept the secret. Should have known that you can't see the moon through clouds, but I was young and dumb and it was santa.
Do you know everything? Do you see everything? Of course not, it is impossible to. How do you have so much faith in that God doesn't exist?
(Btw I am neutral on the matter of religion)
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:53:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Insert comment I made earlier that we cant prove the universe wasnt created last thrusday...
My faith that there is no god is based on the western definition of god as this guiding force that cares about people and the misery found around us that could be solved by a great number of gestures that would not infringe upon free will. Insert Epicurus.
I came to this conclusion as a child once I discovered the holocaust. Lemme get this straight... god's chosen people were killed in the most horrific ways imaginable... but god loves them. He was either unwilling to help; and thus a monster, or unable, and thus not a god.
So many other logical defects in the abrahamic god... even if he existed only an evil coward would follow such a hateful prick.
One thing that also bewildered me... You are god... and the system you create is one where one creature has to kill another creature to live? What asshole does that shit?
Simple response to the holocaust issue. Free will. God gave humans the ability to make choices freely. So therefore things like the holocaust can happen.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:10:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The free will argument is so much bullshit, and it does not answer; how can someone who claims to love anyone act in a way that is hateful or neglectful.
Free will... threatens his people to follow 600+ asinine rules, and if you dont he's gonna send you to burn forever... Freewill under threats? LOL.
A god could have easily just aided all the assassination attempts made on hitler or other villains.
Free will... what exactly were the wills of babies put to death?
The free will argument fails to withstand all logical assaults.
And have you read the fucking bible ever? God interferes with humanity all the time in that book of fiction. Where does god say he isnt going to interfere?
Remember the fact that Jesus basically says that we don't have to focus on the Book of Law. Also you don't have to go follow the rules to go to heaven. BTW those interferences were most likely metaphorical.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:25:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, but the bible makes it clear, follow the rules or accept christ or do not go to heaven.. so anyone never taught about christ and that shit go to hell. And metaphoric? Perhaps then god is just a metaphor then too? I'm not interested in having hours long discussion on it today.
I, personally, believe that those who didn't get the chance to hear of christianity get asked if they believe after they die. On the subject of metaphors though I more or less meant lessons. Yeah, lets end this discussion it isn't gonna end with me an atheist or you a christian.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:55:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What do you base that off of? Not the religious texts involved.
So you are personally editing the faith to cover for some question you have instead of actually following the word of god?
Have you read Dante's Inferno?
Everyone born before Christ, those that couldn't ask him for forgiveness, are placed in the first layer of hell. It's not so much a punishment but they cannot go to heaven because they didn't get a chance to ask jesus to be their savior.
If you really think about it everyone is born a sinner and if they die as a baby before they learn to talk they must be sent to hell because they too cannot ask jesus to be their savior.
Why is giving humans what they want a thing God should enable? Any desire a human has was put there by God unless God is somehow limited by external beings.
It doesn't require "knowing everything." We know enough that we can be sure the Abrahamic religions are as untrue as the Olympian gods. Yahweh, the God of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, was originally only a regional warrior god, and not a sole creator god or even the chief deity in the pantheon. His followers did what followers of a war god would be expected to do, and gradually moved toward henotheism and finally to monotheism. In that process they redefined their preferred deity, reassigning him some traits of the other gods while literally demonizing them. Abrahamic scripture makes no mention of any of that history. It starts out assuming Yahweh was the sole deity from the beginning, and we know that simply was not the case. Even if we interpret Genesis as metaphor, it still skips thousands of years of human history and of Yahweh worship, bypassing all of it up until his followers were already monotheists. It essentially ignores everything before the Israelites.
How do you have so much faith in that God doesn't exist?
It's not a belief that god exists. It's the disbelief that god exists.
Does this make sense?
To be even more clear we shall look at two sentences.
I believe that god does not exist.
I do not believe that god exists.
Are these 2 sentences the same or different?
They are different sentences.
Let's examine the second one.
"I do not believe that god exists."
This disbelief is the default position. The starting point. When some says "Shiva exists" I think "I do not have enough proof to believe in this god." When the Shiva follower doesn't provide proof I still keep me view that there isn't enough evidence for me to believe in Shiva.
I apply this default to every other god until proven otherwise. This saves me time and effort and so far throughout the history of the world not one single god has proven themselves to exist. No followers of any god have found sufficient proof that their god is real.
So no I do not have "so much faith" that god doesn't exist. I have disbelief and a very simple way to overcome this disbelief... simply provide scientifically testable proof. Just one time and I will update my views of the universe to include this new data.
I think there is a very real possibility that there is some kind of higher power in the universe, maybe even one that gave rise to the creation of the universe itself. The painfully obvious part is that the representations of "God" we get from religious institutions today are not accurate, nor were they ever in the past.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:58:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's no proof that God exists or doesn't exist. Of course mocking someone who is atheist isn't ok, but how is mocking people who do believe in God ok?
Do you mock an adult for believing in Santa? Let me rephrase that, do you try and convince adults believing in Santa that is counter-productive and the evidence for Santa isn't good?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
No...? What other people believe isn't my business.
Ok, but those children aren't giving a large chunk of their money to Santa and demanding people on Santa's naughty list act more like them, or run the country.
I don't go out of my way to upset Christians, but if the conversation gets started I won't hide the information I have learned after I spent 20+ years with those delusions. I try not to "mock" but that definition is debated by many.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are no sacred cows; atheists can be openly mocked like everything else.. Everything is open to being mocked. But when you mock shit be prepared for someone to counter. This thread was about dumb shit one used to believe as a kid. God and metaphysics are edgy answers, they are honest answers. The mockery was snarky garbage.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:59:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Be careful kiddo, you might cut yourself on that edge!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:08:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, those things caused me a lot of anxiety and depression in my adolescence.
A billion people think that Jesus is coming back to destroy me for not worshipping him like they do, and I'm the asshole for not thinking I deserve it or that it is true?
[deleted] ยท -13 points ยท Posted at 18:42:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dismissing irrational beliefs held by the masses? Not at all assholish snark. Just how rational thought works. When someone asks what dumb shit one used to believe many are going to answer god, jesus, and the magical shithead in the sky. OR wasnt being a snarky or edgy asshole.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:26:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's irrational that so many psuedo-intellectual atheists have taken it upon themselves to dismiss beliefs held by billions as "dumb shit".
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:28:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I get that, but why should dumbass ideas get a pass just because they are part of a religion? You said:
I think it's irrational that so many psuedo-intellectual atheists have taken it upon themselves to dismiss beliefs held by billions as "dumb shit".
you admitted to giving bad ideas a pass, why?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:46:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because I'm not so egotistical to completely dismiss a faith because I don't agree with it. I don't consider the conclusion I arrived at to be infallible. Nobody knows what happens after death, not you, not me not the billions of religious people. We may have ideas but I don't treat them as fact. I guess I never developed the giant ego that goes along with being an atheist.
But you are. You still hopped on Reddit and insulted someone because they typed out something you didn't believe in. You still insulted someone by calling them a child and dismissed their belief because you didn't agree with them. I'm all for it. We are all a bunch of assholes on Reddit, but don't start telling me your brand of asshole is better because it a little different.
If I said I believe our governments are controlled by lizard people, would you respect my belief? If no, what makes religion different? The fact that more people believe it?
The Aztecs were a large group of people that thought they had to do human sacrifices to make the sun rise everyday. It's not egotistical to point out a belief that is factually wrong. It isn't about not agreeing with it, it's about dismissing a false claim.
Is it irrational to believe in the existence of conscious beings other than oneself? After all, I myself have no evidence saying that everyone I know and will ever know are not philosophical zombies that merely act like they have consciousness. The observation that I myself do and that, therefore, everyone else must also have consciousness is as fallacious as seeing a white swan and declaring that all swans must be white.
I also have no evidence that I've been writing or understanding 2+2=4 correctly all my life. What if I've been making an error this entire time, thinking I've been writing 4 when I've actually been writing 5? Given the lack of evidence to the contrary, is it not irrational to think I have been?
Evidence is not a sufficient demarker of reason. It's sufficient and necessary for science, but science is not the only field that utilizes reason.
EDIT: Downvoted for having an unpopular stance? Never change, Reddit.
Technically, yes it is irrational to believe that anything is real. It's completely possible (as far as you know) that the universe is a made up fake thing that doesn't exist at all.
You don't believe in the universe because you've used ration, you believe in it because it's the only way to function. Even if you decided "No, the universe is fake and I refuse to be a part of this." your brain would continue to process the signals it recieves from what it thinks is the universe. And those signals can still cause you pain and grief, which you want to avoid, or happiness which you strive for.
Refusing to participate in the universe will earn you pain, because your brain is pretty sure you need food to live. To avoid the pain, you must participate, and follow some rules, and that's just easier when you work with the assumption that those rules are real.
But once you're in those rules, you get to meta-realness. Even if the universe is fake, air and gravity are real within that fake universe, but unicorns and fairies aren't (probably). The same way that you can read a fictional story, and it'll have its own internal world, and within that world some things will be more "real" than others, even though the whole story is not "real" within your world.
Indeed. It seems like we're fundamentally agreed, then.
But this idea is why I also fundamentally question the universal applicability of evidence. Where is the evidence supporting that specific viewpoint, for instance?
Moreover, if we all believe fundamentally that it what we're experiencing is "real" in any way without a means of justifying it, then we're all irrational, religious and irreligious alike. And if everyone is, is the distinction between rational and irrational even meaningful anyway?
Meh, I'm sorry. I'm probably repeating things you've probably heard before or thought about before. I don't mean to come off as antagonistic. :/
No this is actually an interesting discussion. I would say that believing in the universe is irrational, but we do it for rational reasons that make sense within our heads. It's like we're turning off suspension of disbelieve so we can get immersed in a game. But once you're in a game, you have to follow its rules.
Say you're playing Skyrim. Why are you worrying about fighting these dragons? It's irrational isn't it, you know they're fake. But you suspend your dragon-disbelief because otherwise you couldn't play the game. So you're fighting the dragon. How do you do this? Within the irrational, fake world of Skyrim, there is a combat system that lets you swing a fake axe or hurl fake fireballs. This will kill the fake dragon. You can also take off your armor and try to jump up and down on the dragon's head. This will not harm the dragon at all. The whole game is fake, but the idea that jumping on a dragon's head will kill it is double-fake.
I hope that game-analogy makes the slightest bit of sense. I dunno.
Sounds like reason is relative to the observer, then. Which...hmm, I think I can get behind that idea. (Or maybe we merely think it is. Or not. Dang it, I sound like the Cheshire Cat! XD )
Maybe another way of thinking of it is that reality is dependent on the observer. I'll probably get flak for citing it as an example, but Sword Art Online has a theme similar to your example with Skyrim. The characters acknowledge that they are forced to live in a virtual world, but what they realize is that, virtual thought it may be, it's still living. Their experiences weren't any less meaningful than their non-virtual lives simply because it was a processor crunching ones and zeroes.
So I think I know where you're getting at with the suspension of disbelief thing! :D
parents raised us mormon, and til i was about 8 i thought the word "god" was a bad word because we weren't allowed to say "oh my god". i would get very uncomfortable anytime any adult would say it in church and thought they were doing something bad. thank glob im a pastafarian now and all that silliness is behind me!
I was 9 or 10 years old, heard stories of how people without the proper markings on hands or head ,w.e it was, was going to be killed by flying gargoyle like things.
Needless to say, I was relieved when it didnt happen
Im not a religious fellow, but when I was younger my family tried to get me into it. To my knowledge, the rapture is when these devil things come and take those who had or didnt have certain markings pertaining to god/devil. So pair that with everyone talking that the world was going to end <Didnt realize it was for technology> .. I was a little scared haha
I used to live in Vegas, while most of my extended family lives in the salt lake city area, which of course is in a different time zone. The fastest way from Vegas to slc is the I-15, which passes through the northwest corner of Arizona. Being a little kid, I thought that since Utah is one hour ahead of Nevada, and you pass through Arizona on the way, it must be only a half hour ahead.
I used to think that storage lockers is where you would go if you lost the key to your house and wanted a new one. I thought every door there was a copy of someones front door.
Zeerick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that, rather than Santa visiting all the 7 billion people in the world at once, instead all of the world's governments would send special agents to break into everyone's houses and place the gifts there and then make it look like Santa had been.
That a guy had to pee in a girl during sex. I remember having a disucssion with my friend - "What if the guy doesn't have to pee? What if he just went to the bathroom? Does he have to drink more water before they can have sex?"
My parents convinced me the tornado sirens that are tested every Saturday during storm months at noon were actually the paddy wagon coming to pick up all the kids who hadn't cleaned there room.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed I could achieve a state of constant happiness and not be bothered by the discomforts of the world.
I honestly thought you could fall down the toilet and go round the bend. I had nightmares where the toilet came away from the wall and went round the house eating stuff
I always thought there were monsters in the toilet and that they would somehow appear when I flushed. So after I flushed, I would rush out of the bathroom, barely washing my hands. If I could make it out of the bathroom before the toilet had finished flushing, I'd be safe.
When I was around 5 or 6 I was hanging out with a friend of mine who was around 8 or 9. We were friends because our parents were good friends.
Anywho, we were talking about Pokรฉmon and he was telling me how the rock Pokรฉmon Onix lived in Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. I believed him because he was older so he obviously knew what he was talking about.
Well, when I was about 10 or so, I visited Mammoth Cave on a class field trip. Lo and behold I saw signs that were marking where there was onyx the mineral and it donned on me that I had been tricked into thinking Pokรฉmon could be real. I had never been so relieved/disappointed in my 10 year old life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there was only one mailman that distributed everyone's mail every single day
i was absolutely mortified of mayonaise because i thought even a sandwich worth would make me obese. cue to today where i weigh about 65 kilos (w/e that is in freedom units) and hapilly enjoy it daily
Actually you're probably not wrong. Many of the leading scientific theories on conscousness run into the same problem. Namely that there's nothing you can define as what the consciousness supervenes on that excludes well... anything. If its just information processing, everything does that. The issue is just that only certain things do it in an actively conscious way rather than an inert way. If true this means that consciousness is universal. Its just that something like a rock is only 00.002% as conscious as a person, so for practical reasons it makes little difference.
I believed that if I closed my eyes and focused I could switch bodies with my siblings. I tried that one night at dinner with no luck. I was confused and wondered why it didn't work. I have no idea where this idea came from and why I thought it was true. Also I thought it was my top set of teeth that moved up and down when I chewed. Younger me had strange thoughts.
I've always been convinced that wind turbines are powered by electricity and are just there to look nice bc otherwise fields would look too boring... It really shocked me when it turned out I was wrong
My cousin thought that you could charge a gameboy by putting a wire in a potato and the other end on the battery that was in it. I was 10 and old enough to know that was ridiculous and he was at least four years older than me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very little (before starting school little) I thought the sun came up when I woke up. The first time I woke up and it was dark I was seriously confused.
floonis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That raccoons can pick locks.
When I was 8 or so, I woke up and went outside to feed our rabbits, who'd been mauled by raccoons in their hutch over night. It was horrific. I was devastated and asked my dad how this could happen. He explained that certain raccoons are highly intelligent and can pick locks.
He admitted years later that he forgot to lock the cage the night before and couldn't bare to tell me.
Before that admission, for years I got crazy looks from people whenever I'd bring up the dangers of a certain subset of raccoons breaking and entering into people's houses.
Cpottzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Truly believed Steve from blues clues could hear me, and that the children talking are other kids sitting in front of a tv like I was. I would shout to be the first voice do other kids could hear my voice.
If you were bad and stepped on the drain grates in parking lots they would fill with water, you would fall in and either sharks or alligators would eat you.
That a demon giraffe was going to attack me from the furnace vent on the wall halfway down our staircase to the basement.
MD4LYFE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't recall what age I was, but I remember on a particularly hot day suggesting to my dad how we could make the day a little cooler-- "Why doesn't everyone just open their windows and turn on the air conditioner so it isn't so hot outside?". He didn't quite know how to respond...
I thought that all the cars in the world drove itselves, except mine. Maybe it's because I couldn't see the drivers or maybe it's because I thought that the world revolved around me and my family lol
That the scariest monsters in the world's biggest weakness was light from my light bulb
RedDorf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian Corner:
Not quite bilingual as a child, I read the 'best before / milleur avant' statements on food products and thought my favourite sliced bread, cheese, milk, etc. were the best brands before a large conglomerate company called "Milleur Avant" came in and took over the market.
So 7 or 8 year old me notices a sign on the side of the road - "NO Littering, Violators will be Prosecuted". I wonder to myself, "how do they (as in The Man) know that I'm the one littering?". I see no cops, and having Litter Police stationed at the side of the road just seems silly to me. So how do they catch you and know that the litter is yours?
The answer: DNA and fingerprints. I figured cops took every single piece of litter on the side of the road, dusted it for prints (or for drink cups they'd get the saliva off the straw), and would test it. Once your name came back, BAM! They'd show up at your door and arrest you for littering.
EDIT: Forgot one. I also believed that if I kissed a boy I would get pregnant. My father was encouraging of this belief, which persisted until I learned the birds and the bees as a teenager.
My parents were discussing a citywide bill that was being voted on. Septic tank vs Sewer. We had sewer some people had septic tanks. In my mind, I thought that the houses with the huge tanks outside were those with septic tanks. Years later I found out the difference and that those tanks were actually propane tanks.
My mom's exhusband used to tell me if I kept biting my nails a hand would grow in my stomach. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, feeling the sides of my stomach for fingers.
I also stuck a towel in the back of my pants and walked around on all fours for a summer because I thought if I wanted it bad enough, I could turn into a wolf.
I firmly believed a "joke" my dad told me for several years.
He told me to not be afraid of sharks at the beach because dolphins were guarding the entrance to the beach and they also put up a net so even sneaky sharks wouldn't get in.
I don't know if this counts, but I always thought clouds were blue and the sky was
white. I remember being in first grade when a teacher corrected me. We were drawing pictures, and I made the clouds blue in mine. She asked me why, and I had no way of answering her because it just seemed right to me at the time.
I'm completely convinced that my brain is just one guy sitting at a control panel with monitors displaying status reports from all the different departments of my body. I have two modes: auto-pilot and manual. Most of the time I'm on auto-pilot. I'm 25 years old...
I don't remember doing this, but my little sister (8 years younger) claims that I made her believe that she wouldn't be able to learn how to whistle if she didn't eat the crust on her sandwiches.
askuse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had two:first,because I had read my sisterยดs biology book wrong,i thought that sperms travelled by kiss.Second,I thought that there was one cloud on the world responsible for all rain,and it was carried around the world by the wind(also because of a misinterpretation.
I thought that if I used scissors to "cut" water flowing out of the faucet, that I would actually somehow make the water just stop in midair where I made the "cut."
On Wheel of Fortune, when they split the screen horizontally so you can see the players on top, and Vanna White on the bottom, I used to think she was actually that small and was actually right below the wheel.
I thought if you killed ants, then god will send a giant ant to maul you. I don't know how I got that idea, but I think from an old anime about a mole and his sister.
Ckarini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know those old books that had the two big eyes in the middle, where the pupils always face up? Well when I'd look at my eyes in the mirror and move my head around, I was surprised my pupils weren't moving with my head. I assumed that human eyes and those books were made of the same technology.
Well I found out planes had bathrooms one day. Now, as a child living near O'Hare airport, I saw many planes flying overhead. Planes with bathrooms. Well what happens when you flush the toilet at home? Turds go down, right? So in my travels through Chicago I would occasionally come across piles of poop. 1+1=2. Or poo. Whatever. I developed a natural fear of being randomly pooped on by planes flying overhead. So playing baseball I would stare into the sky and drift out of plane flight paths just in case. Eventually I figured out that dogs pooped in public and planes just carried poop around. But I didn't realize it any time soon.
Since I never saw through the windows of other driving cars, I always thought other cars were sentient beings going places. The funny thing is, that I was in a car quite often, but I thought my parents were the only people driving a car themselves.
That when you pooped in an airplane, it dropped from the sky to the ground.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a terrible fear when I was around 8 or 9 that if I dove off the high dive at the local pool, my eyeballs might fall out. Thinking back I must have been justifying the normal fear of jumping from a height with something exaggerated.
My dad convinced me that Marsh mellows were rabbit turds. He has always been a "Don't eat candy its bad for your teeth dad." Me and my brothers and sisters never listened of course. One day I was eating marshmallows my mom picked up for our hot coco. When my dad came into the kitchen to sit down next to me. He started out with a very "I cant believe your eating those statement" My 6 year old mind of course responded with "Why? There good. Sugar dad. Duh." He continued to go forward. To give me a whole story about how people capture bunnies and put them in factory's where they process them to poop out marshmallows." In the end he convinced me that I was eating shit. As an adult I appreciate that now. But as a kid I for years believed marshmallows were rabbit turds.
Mailmn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 5-6 I legitimately thought that it rained every single night because when I would go outside in the morning I would see the dew on the plants and water spots from the sprinklers.
My parents convinced me that when we went into a store at the mall they had a policy that there were no food or drinks allowed. When I got older I realized they made me believe that so that they'd never have to worry about their kid spilling shit on merchandise that they'd have to pay for.
Before you start a game of Solitaire, make a wish. If you win the game, your wish will come true.
The first time I won and the wish didn't come true, my child brain made the logical conclusion that you only get one chance for each wish (or, you can't just repeat the wish until you win). After that failed, I'd find other ways to excuse the failed wishes like I didn't shuffle the cards properly or there was a certain time of day wishes would be granted and I kept missing it.
I thought the weatherman controlled the weather, rather than just predicting it.
I regularly saw a man on the TV waving his hands around at a big map, and he would conjure rain clouds out of nothing and wave them around in different directions. Thus, I thought he made the weather.
My dad planned on taking me on a camping trip one weekend when I was really little (like 4), and when it got rained out I was convinced it was all the weatherman's fault. I was in angry, indignant little tears. Why couldn't the weatherman understand that when he used his powers irresponsibly, he ruined camping trips for dads and their sons?
That was when my parents explained to me (trying not to laugh) the reality of the situation.
I honestly believed that girls had penises as well. I keep believing that til i was like 15. This the reason that I have a fetish for futanari. Oh and I though my ball sack held my urine.
Buck979 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my parents never went to sleep. I would always go to sleep before them and when I woke up they were up too.
karpa42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That trains fly. On my first train ride I totally cramped up and held onto the chair and when asked why I did that I asked back: 'Why didn't we take off yet?' (I was really young)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always though that my mother and father would always be there for me. When my father ended up in the hospital I did nothing but cry and no one, and I mean no one could console me on the status of my dad (watching a bunch of dramas with my parents where someone ended up dying in the hospital didn't help much either.)
That a penis looked like actual balls in graduated sizes attached to each other. My mom caught me drawing one and asked suspiciously what it was and I lied.
Thanks btw, mom, for not explaining anatomy AT ALL.
I thought that a "Fire Drill" at school meant that there was a group of people that came to the school and started using a drill which would cause a fire. The Fire Department would work with them to make sure the test was a success.
Looking back at it now, I guess it makes sense but I took the term Fire Drill to the absolute literal sense.
I used to think that when you ate food, it fell down to your feet.
Then when you'd eaten enough, it filled up to the top of your legs so you could poop. At which point it emptied to the point where you couldn't poop anymore.
Hhe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds silly now that I type it, but when I was little I honestly believed that everyone's skin color was black and white, then one day everyone got colored.
Was told if I ate the black watermelon seeds I would turn into a black person, white bread stays in your stomach for two weeks, and blood is really blue.
I was deathly afraid of vampires as a small child (4 or 5) and in order to protect myself from their vampire bites (because they only attacked at night?) I would pull the covers over my neck, because logic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It makes sense. Theyre always shown as drinking from your neck and they cant be out in daylight
That adults that ran the world had this great plan for why everything worked the way it did and if I saw something stupid it was obviously because I didn't fully understand the full design of why it was implemented that way.
Quicksand. I don't remember why it was an issue but I clearly recall being warned of the serious danger of quicksand as a child and to avoid it at all costs. I'm 38.....shockingly, quicksand has not once been an issue I've had to deal with.
In fourth grade, my teacher was talking about presidents. She mentioned that Nixon left the presidency because of the Watergate scandal. But she didn't explain what Watergate was. I went home that day and explained to my parents that Nixon had to resign because he wouldn't let the gates of the dams open and people were dying of dehydration.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed my life was constantly being filmed for a Japanese reality/gameshow. I was convinced it was night there whenever it was day here, so anything I did during the day would be broadcast there while I was sleeping.
It made me constantly strive to be more interesting and take more risks
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that sheets of paper were just wood shaved really, really thin.
I assumed that, along with a break pedal and gas pedal, all cars had a reverse pedal. Whenever I saw a car reverse in a video game, it was all instantaneous, so a reverse pedal just seemed logical to me.
I thought they captured dolphins from the ocean to fill up water towers. I thought teams of dolphin wranglers would capture dolphins and then squeeze them until water came out of their blowholes. I'm not sure what lead me to believe that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember learning about civil rights in elementary school. I saw African Americans as the good guys, and white peoples as the bad guys for obstructing their rights. I told everyone I was black because I thought I was a good person despite being a white girl.
That those little hairs on my arms ang legs are proof that I will grow up to be an ape. I already dreaded the day that my mom will have to drop me off at the local zoo because I'm no longer human
If I looked into the sun/bright lights, it was like training my vision to be stronger. Now at 27, I'm blind as shit. Anything further than an arms length away is blurry. Lol.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents told me at a super young age that vacuums would explode if you ran over the cord. I believed that shit for fucking years.
That if I sat on the sofa for to long I would litterly turn to goooo, because you gotta balance food and activity, working together, that's body electricity
When I was little my mom would tape lollipops to this cluster of small trees in our backyard and have us kids go pick them. We named it the lollipop tree. I actually thought lollipops grew on trees until waaay too late, like around 12 years old when I asserted to my classmates that we had one. The shame was palpable.
I couldn't pronounce/remember the word "cartoon" when I was real young so I just said "toys" and pointed to the tv screen because I just thought cartoons were toys I could watch play without my involvement.
I thought cats and dogs were the same animal. Cats were the females and dogs were the males. That's the reason I always thought dogs would chase cats... Made sense to me.
When I was about 7 or 8, after hearing that my mom had her tubes tied after I was born, I assumed that women's tubes were untied, and men's tubes WERE tied and that's why they couldn't have babies. I understood that men had penises and women didn't, but, thanks to TV, I had heard about sex change operations, so I assumed that men who became women got their tubes untied as part of the sex change.
When I asked my mom about it, she told me that's not how it works, and that men can't become women. Jokes on her though, I'm a girl now haha!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once thought that the Ice Cream Man in my neighborhood was the ice cream man for the whole world. This led to a lot of confusion whenever I saw a movie or cartoon with an ice cream truck.
In the first grade my teacher asked us to draw four things that we were afraid of. She sat down with me and told me my fear of the earth splitting in half and dinosaurs coming out of the lava in the center of the earth was ridiculous because dinosaurs weren't real. That was my only year at a Christian school.
Munkles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if i put on enough blankets while I slept the psycho who was going to bust into my room and stab me while I slept wouldnt be able to pierce the blanket shield and thus me.
Before going away for the weekend or away on vacation my dad would always turn off the water to the house. I always thought it was because he was afraid of the Stick Bandits from Home Alone flooding the house after being robbed. Turns out he just didn't want the house flooding due to a potential pipe leak. Ha
When I was little, and I saw the sign that said "Pedestrian Crossing," I thought that certain people were born "drivers" and certain people were born "pedestrians." We were a driver family, and I would look at the pedestrians and feel sorry for them.
When I was 10 I thought God was time. Parents talked about how God was everywhere and always existed. They also went on about how our human minds couldn't comprehend God's grandness. At the time, I was (I guess I still am) confused about how time worked. I wondered "How can we exist here and now if time went infinitely backwards". I ended up putting the 2 together, and thought God was everywhere radiating time or something lol. That stuck for years.
My mom was showing me old pictures when I was a kid. She pointed to herself in one and said "that dress was such a beautiful shade of (whatever the heck color she said)". In that moment I realized that there existed color back then and it was just the pictures in B&W. I said nothing as my false assumption suddenly seemed ridiculous.
I thought stop drop and roll was going to be a part of daily life as an adult. People would catch on fire and roll to the ground several times a week. Elementary school made it seem like such a common problem.
cKeng ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That eating sand would make me grow big muscles.... Ate a shit ton of sand because of it.
I thought that "humping" was when grown ups bumped their butts together.
Dubaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once believed that the inner part of a trombone slide moved with the outer part, so that when the slide was all the way in you would be deep throatting the instrament. I also thought that the highway was just one giant road that stretched all around the world, but I couldn't figure out how they got it across oceans.
I believed that little mice worked in traffic lights and they were running around shining light bulbs in the glass to change the lights. They travelled along the wires and down the poles everyday to do their "shift changes".
I wasn't really raised in any particular religious tradition, but I still picked things up here and there. When I was really young I thought that making the sign of the cross and earnestly beseeching any powers that be would lead to divine intervention in proportion to the strength of your request and what you were willing to sacrifice to have it granted. When my dad died when I was eight, I spent many of the following nights fervently crossing myself and crying, pledging to give up various things I held dear. Suffice it to say, he did not miraculously resurrect. :[
I believed babies were born out of the mother's belly button. I got in a huge argument with my little friend, who insisted they came out from a woman's vagina, which of course was just ridiculous. My mom settled the matter however O_o,
I used to think chewing was done on the right side of the mouth, and swallowing was done on the left side. It took a long time to understand that they were different.
Also my dad convinced me that I was part Sherpa, and that it wasnt "in my blood" to be afraid of heights.
I used to be so prejudiced as a kid (however i managed to contain it all inside my head) and I thought the disabled kids in my school were contagious.
Like it was just because they smelled funky because the special ed room always smelled like old people which is why I held my breath when one of them walked past me.
When your limbs fall asleep and get that tingling feeling. I thought that was because the spider I ate when I was 4 years old was still crawling around inside me. I thought this until I was 11.
My older sister used to think that the water towers were where all the college classes were held. You know, like those tall towers with a massive sphere at the top? Yeah, those ones.
Pusher_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought masturbation was pooping
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you ever tell ur parents you had to masturbate?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That your stomach had individual little slots for all the different kids of food. Like a "pizza" spot, a "mac and cheese" spot where it went to be digested.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We used to frequent the mall a lot. My mom nearly always parked on the ground level so we'd go through the first floor exit. Well, one particular day we were going towards the exit and I quickly realized we were still on the second floor.
My heart was racing, I was panicking, thinking we're heading toward the second floor exit and were subsequently going to fall straight down one story as soon as we set foot outside.
Then I idealized some sort of "ride" that was designed to float you down to the ground and was eager to exit this way.
To my great disappointment the mall turned out to be on an incline, there was no ride, and all my childhood ideas were stupid.
tkdyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I assumed if you only had white Christmas lights that meant you were poor. I guess colorful meant rich to me as a kid
I thought I could write the title of a show on the label of a VHS tape and it would somehow magically be on the tape. Didn't actually try to play any of them until after I labelled all of my parents' blank tapes with Smurfs, He-Man, and Snoopy scribbles.
My grandfather invented the combination of cookies and milk. I thought he was really popular because all the kids at school used his method during snack time.
Native Americans used every part of the buffalo. Native Americans scalped settlers. Therefore, Native Americans must eat peoples hair. I vaguely remember sitting in the tree house trying to chew on my brother's hair when he was my "cowboy prisoner."
Still have this belief, I can't flush the toilet before I shower, I believe it will somehow get mixed up in the pipes and come out the shower head the moment I step under the water.
They were timed too perfectly to be human design, and there were so many of them, only a supreme being could control them all at the same time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That god was real, that heaven was just passed the clouds, that I had to tell the priests about my sins. I was a very devout Catholic.
Drex711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the little eye cells, (floaters) you get bouncing around in your vision sometimes was some sort of DaVinci Code and I was some special being....until I was like 13....lol
I believed that a tiny man lived in a laboratory on the top of my head. He would brew potions and pour them into one of two holes on top of my head that led to my brain. Whatever he created, and which of the two holes he used, would determine if I had a good day or a bad day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the electric guitar was created by and for Kenny Loggins in 1985 -
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Life was literally black and white before I was born.
My mother told me that driving down the freeway with your window open was illegal...
seesha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Piglet from Winnie the Pooh was an armadillo (I guess because of the striped sweater). I didn't catch on that it was a pig until I was an adult. I never understood why an armadillo was named Piglet.
If you pull a banana out of its peel the right way, at the very bottom of the inside of a banana peel, there's a little stem. My brother told me (convinced me) that it was a worm that lives in all bananas, and if I accidentally pulled it out with the banana and ate it, worms would grow in my stomach. To this day, I pinch off the bottom of every banana I eat, and don't eat the last, like, centimeter of banana.
My sister told me that if I pushed the garage door opener in the car when we weren't near the house that the grass would grow up and take me away as its prisoner. I believed it for years until I got the courage to push it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 5 no one told me that the shorthand for "pounds" is "lbs." So when I read on the scale that I weighed "65 lbs" I would tell people I weighed "65 lil-li-bees." No one corrected me until a teacher in 1st grade basically pulled me aside and asked what the fuck I was talking about.
When I was younger my mother and all her friends had acrylic nails. I thought all adult women grew these hard thick nails at some point. I have really soft nails that never hold polish so I was pretty stoked to be able to have fancy patterns and such. My mom says that I asked her one day when my adult nails would grow in and she looked at me like I had ten heads.
My grandfather had a mole removed from the middle of his forehead. It left a pretty obvious scar. I used to ask him where he got the scar from and he would tell me "I got shot in the head back when I was a cop." My little kid brain didn't realize that people don't usually live after being shot in the head. Even worse, I believed this to be true until I was 13 and actually thought about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I ever heard of death was when the Queen's mother died. The news reports said she was just short of her 102nd birthday and that they were surprised.
I took this that everyone died at 101/102 years old and so I used to freak out that I had 97 years left to live.
I also have vivid memories of counting the years until my school teachers died if they put me in time out.
hughra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dogs mouths are actually clean. Believed it up until I started working at a pet company. Dog mouths are not clean. Nor do they recycle.
I heard and knew about jets breaking the sound barrier, so I thought that when Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier he hit the ball so fast it was in black & white for a moment because it was going faster than the speed of color.
when I was 3 years old I didn't want to turn 4 because I thought I would instantly become fat. everyone had been telling me I was getting so big so I decided that skipping to being 5 years old was the best course of action.
thebly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea why, but I thought that, when the air conditioning came on at night, a bunch of tiny witches were going to fly out from underneath my bed - only at the foot of my bed, mind you - and attack me. Naturally, the only protection was to hide under the blanket. So yeah, I would pretty much lie there, comfortably, until the A/C kicked on (which wasn't even that loud, it's not like it was a window unit or anything), then I'd snatch my covers up, heart pounding, sure that they'd get me this time, until the A/C turned off.
When I was 5 (in 1991), I was obsessed with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and believed they were real. The school counselor thought I had problems at home because I would spend a few recesses per week standing over the sewer chatting with them.
My mother is a very very tan women with Black hair. When I was 5 I told all my friends that I was mixed because I assumed she wasn't white. I was also the most pale kid I've ever seen.
I was 100% sure as a kid for a time that black and white cows gave white milk and brown and white cows gave chocolate milk. No one told me that and I didn't see it on TV or anything, I just remember sitting in the back seat driving through the countryside past some farms and thinking that was logical.
Not me, but my brother thought that the city we lived in, "Orlando" = "Our Lando". So the city always had a different subject depending on the context: My Lando, Your Lando, Our Family's Lando, etc.
I thought that it was possible to get flushed down the toilet. Like sucked in because the pressure was so strong.
Then again, my older sister told us we had a middle sibling who died before I was born because she got flushed down the toilet. So that fear might have been instilled in me from that.
I have an uncanny knack for remembering my childhood so I have a few:
When I took my first Spanish/French classes in middle school, I was shocked to learn they used the same Alphabet that we did. I had always assumed their letters and numbers would just look like symbols to me.
I thought "lmnop" from the alphabet song was 1 letter.
I thought "50 bucks" meant 50 deer.
I thought girls were gross.
dgd5014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I saw James Bond movies as a 7/8 year old I thought all the people he killed in the movie were actually being killed. I thought they were just people who wanted to be in the movie so bad they were willing to die for it. I wondered how they were compensated...maybe their family would get paid a lot of money? Also, they must be really brave and committed to get the take right on the first try. I wondered if they had backups in case the scene didn't turn out right.
I have frequently heard the phrase "race to the white house" on TV. Therefore my young mind was convinced that the candidates were actually running from somewhere to the white house.
I used to think if you were allergic to something and had an allergic reaction to that thing, you would transform into something (Example- Getting an allergic reaction from a peanut would turn you into a puppy, etc.)
I was so frustrated as a kid I didn't have any allergies
I thought that sons came out of fathers and daughters came out of mothers. I also thought that everything had feelings, which is why I liked picking up litter so it wouldn't be lonely.
I come from a very country speaking family. My grandpa had a farm and one of the back fields had an electric tower so it was called the tower field. I was 5 years old and they pronounced it tire field so 5 year old me thought it was a field full of tires. I was probably 15 before I realized that they were just really country and pronounced tower tire and there was no field full of tires.
zzth22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everyone had the same amount of life experience. As in, a baby that passes shortly after child birth would experience their life really slowely and someone who lived 100 years would experience their life very quickly so that in the end both the baby and the old-timer would have the same amount of life experience. It's hard to describe. I was a weird kid.
I believed that once you turn 100 you automatically die. You can't die before you turn 100. You die right at 100.
nc61 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I slept next to a window, so I thought it was a possibility that pirates were going to open the window and kidnap me. In my head I pictured the pirate ship on a boat trailer driving down the street. I tried to rationalize the fear away like 'surely if the police saw pirates travelling down the street they would pull them over.'
I saw my sister on the toilet, and therefore, saw her girl parts. It looked like a butt, so I thought girls also had a winkie like me, but it was switched with their butt, which is why they sat down to pee.
I've shared this story before, but I used to think there were "real clowns." I knew there were fake ones too, but it was kind of like mall Santas in that most of the ones you came across were just "helpers" but some were also the real thing...
The tooth fairy. I remember sharing a room with my older brother and we were up one weekend just bullshitting. I put my tooth underneath my pillow and would constantly check back to see if it changed into a dollar. And it did... Which was what fucked me up. I don't know how my parents did it but they must have splinter cell'd it and like crawled underneath my bed and did a hot swap. But for a long time, I believed in the tooth fairy. Like seriously.
My childhood belief was that whatever weather was happening around me was happening all over the world. So if it was snowing or rainy by me, then it must be snowing or raining everywhere else. Can't explain why I believed this, only that it made perfect sense to me at the time.
Kinda gross but, whatever. So I never got the "birds-and-the-bees" talk so I pretty much had to figure sex out on my own growing up. Thankfully, my mom subscribed to Cosmopolitan and this was long before I knew about porn so back then Cosmo was a big deal to me and I learned enough about sex by perusing the pages. So while I had a general idea of what happened, like I knew the man sticks this in there and whatever, I wasn't sure about how a baby came to be so I kinda figured it out for myself.
I knew, based on what I had seen in books and the like, babies begin life in a ball (egg) and from there transform into a human once enough XP has been gained. What I didn't know, was how in the world that ball came to exist inside the woman. Then it hit me: My penis is a cannon! I can still remember being so perplexed by the notion that this is what must happen. It all just made so much sense. The man sticks his penis in the woman and shoots out one of his balls into her and from there a baby is born. I can remember my biggest concern being whether or not the balls would regenerate or if you could only have the 2 and that was that. I also imagined it was probably a pretty painful process. Thankfully I was wrong.
I can fill a VHS tape up with my favorite things just by writing on the lable. We have a bunch of blank tapes from from 25 years ago that just say trucks or football on them.
So when I was 5 I went to my brothers room quite often. He had a bad habit of plucking feathers out of his pillows so his room was full of feathers. Thanks to my imagination I somehow figured that it was all my fault and t
hat feathers are falling of my head. I was afraid my room would end up the same as his so I started wearing a winter hat while sleeping. I'd cry when my mom took it away.
I thought my Scottish Grandpa was the cousin of Napoleon. He had a big copy of this painting that he had painted, hung in his dining room. He liked to just throw random lies at me I guess, to see what stuck.
I thought I had to do every task equally with both halves of my body (hands, feet, ...) or I would grow crooked. This lasted a decent time, up to few weeks in to learning to write. Then I just didn't have the patience for it anymore.
In one of our shitty newspapers there was a story that in year 2000 aliens will invade Earth. But it was really detailed with a photo of an alien. Not like any other stories I read.
So for around 3 or 4 years I was scared of 1st January 2000.
I thought the world was once black an white, and one day just switched to color. I asked my grandma about the color change too. I reasoned that because tv shows and movies were once black and white that the whole world was.
Before I knew that boys had penises, I somehow heard that rape had to do with just "sticking something" up a girls vagina and the woman would somehow get hurt. So I just decided that the thing was a knife and I was horrified for literally years that many people experienced this in their lifetime and why it was so common.
I never thought of that but I guess so. I feel like this now makes it double fucked up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I posted this elsewhere the other day, but it works here, too...
I've had size 4 feet since I was about 10 years old. I genuinely used to worry that if I kept getting taller, but my feet remained the same size, I'd end up 'top heavy' and would constantly topple over and would be stuck indoors, sat down forever. It got to the point where I'd end up seriously overthinking it and would just freak myself out about it. I didn't have time to think if anything other people were telling me was legit or not because what about my feet!?
I miss the days where that was the most pressing thing going on in my mind.
So when I was younger I used to believe that whole 'swear on your life' thing was serious, and for some reason I used to think that if I swore on my life that I didn't do something, but I did, that I'd end up being smited from above or something. It got to the point where my brother used it against me to see if I was lying, if I was he would just say 'you swear on your life' as a statement, so it's like he's saying it for me. Ughhhh
So I wasn't really a religious kid, but I had this belief that all humans were connected via their genetics. That, even though my life is insignificant, I am the bearer of a precious genetic payload. Information so rare that it is found nowhere else in the universe. This bound not just me, but all humans, alive, deceased and yet-to-be, together in one shared mission and goal.
Even if I died, as long as I had a child and passed on my payload, that I would be forever alive in the genetic code of humans thousands of years from now.
Then I realized that humans only have something like a 1% variance from human to human and my great grandchildren would only have about 12.5% of 1% of my specific genetics, baring incest.
So even though I do carry that payload, even if I pass it on, it won't be a significant part of my descendants genetic make up after 3-4 generations.
Late to the party? I thought until I was about 8 years old that the entire fucking universe didn't exist before I was born. I thought about it in the same way as the "Last Thursday" theory. You just couldn't prove me wrong.
I initially thought people bought and sold jobs. So, if you were working as a mailman and wanted to become a butcher, you'd sell your job as a mailman and have to pay to be a butcher.
matts77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a child I thought the water from the shower came from lakes, and whenever you turned the nob to change the temperature, the water came from a different lake
e_lizz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the most important part of a marriage was the wedding rings, i.e. if a person took off their wedding ring for whatever reason, their wife/husband would be very upset and they'd have to get married again. I have no idea where I got this idea from, since my parents didn't live together and my relatives who were married didn't wear wedding bands.
probably a bit late, but whatever. I had CONVINCED myself as a kid that when 2000 rolled around, we would all wake up with long white beards. When i woke up on new years i felt below my chin for a beard....I was not a smart kid
I also, thought you would get pregnant by kissing.
So... I may or may not have thought that Napoleon rediscovered the written language, after it was lost after ancient Egypt fucked off. I wasn't entirely sure when Napoleon existed, but I was fairly confident it was ages ago, & I knew he discovered the Rosetta Stone. According to the commercials, Rosetta Stone is software to teach you languages, I figured it was a rediscovery of the concept of written language.
I thought this shit until I was in my 20's. Fucking horrible.
It's not so much ridiculous in itself, but the reason for it was ridiculous on my brothers part...
I have bumpy birth marks on my skin. When I was little older I learned that they were harmless and just birth marks. When I was younger my brother told me they were cancer, so I thought I was going to die. I don't think he quite understood what cancer was and never told me I was going to die, but I didn't have to learn much to think that I wasn't long for the world.
I used to think babies were made when a married couple kissed... My dad would come home from work and try to give my mother a kiss and I'd run in between them like my life was at stake.. Pregnant bellies weirded me out and babies bothered me... I tried to be birth control for my parents
Tirave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok I don't know how he did it or what sort of black magic he used, but my dad made me belive that I only had 4 fingers on my right hand. And only when he counted. I don't know what he did I don't even remember I just remember believing that I had 4 fingers even though I counted 5.
yeadoge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought if I was in a plane that was about to crash, I could just jump up at the last minute and I would land softly on the ground.
Yo_2T ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed Victoria's Secret was owned by Victoria Beckham. In my defense she was the only person I knew with that name.
Someone told me (probably in a hymn) that Jesus Christ died for my sins by "being nailed to a tree."
I became convinced that the big oak tree in our backyard was the tree they were talking about. I was pretty freaked out that someone died on it.
Additionally, also Christ-related, because the crucifix was my first conscious image of death, I thought that's just what death looks like. So when we played cops and robbers or whatever, whenever I got shot, I would lay down and get in a crucifix position.
After pondering the problem a bit I came up with the solution that God had inserted the souls into my stuffed animals just as they were completed in the factory that I somehow knew made them. I didn't imagine that for the ones my Grandmother sewed for us, but I child Fuzzyphilosopher thought they may have got their souls earlier.
Also Blue Racer snakes could go as fast as 100 mph and would chase me. Mom didn't understand when we raced into the house out of breath and slammed the door shut.
As a kid, I thought everyone had their travel plotted on a map. I never wanted my map to be twisted and confused, so if i twisted around one way, I'd twist around the other way, too. I had to unwind the twist, like it was a phone cord.
Amusingly, as an adult, I have my travel plotted on a map by Google down to an accuracy of a few feet yet couldn't care how wonky that map looks.
i believed that what they teach me in school was actually true :-) crazy i know. Way way later on in life if found out that they only programed me how to be obedient slave.
I take after my dad's side of the family, and this was much-discussed. Therefore until I was well into middle school, even as I grew boobs and all normal girly stuff happened in my life, I waited to grow chest hair and a beard like Dad. Then I found out MOST women have neither. Then I got pregnant this year and learned shit happens. I really hope my preggo beard goes away...
My parents didn't like me eating instant noodles so naturally they made a 5 year old believe that eating instant noodles will wreck your brain development.
ifv6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My uncle told me the ball drop on new years was covered in spikes and smashed the people as a sort of sacrifice for the new year.
I thought Eleanor roosevelt was black. She looked really dark in the pictures in my history book, and i just never really thought it was that weird. It wasnt until barack obama was elected that i realized my mistake.
I believed that someone sat and watched cameras at automatic urinals. That's why they always flushed when you were done. I even went so far as to try to stay out of the way of the "camera" so they couldn't see me.
I also thought that clothes slowly got smaller when you wore them. That's why they got too small to wear.
JB1549 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my blind grandma wasn't blind because she still had eyes.
My dad has a scar on his leg. You can see the cut and where the stitches were. He said he got it playing football in high school... I literally thought the football hit his leg so hard, it left the imprint of the laces on his skin for 30 years.
It wasn't until I was over the age of 15 that I realized that's not how it happened.
dMarrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Farts were for just helping the poop along. I would try and hold mine until I needed to shit. I think the fact that we have the slang "Sharts" proves I was on to something.
dMarrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MY dad and grandpa were uncircumcised. Me being cut I assumed my dad and gramps extra wrinkly skin, just meant that is what OLD DICK looks like.
Here in NZ we have an ice cream called a Trumpet its essentially the same as a cornetto with solid choc in the base of the cone, anyway my cousin who is about 5 years older than me used to tell me when i was a kid that it was poisonous, so i should give the choc part to him. What a dick
dMarrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That by 2016 I would,for damned sure.. be pimping a flying car.
That the big rolls of hay bales in cow fields were 'cow cocoons.' When I would see some hanging around near the bales I'd think that they were waiting for the new cows to hatch.
dMarrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when I was an adult I would be getting laid all of the time. Silly younger me..
This will probably get buried, but I thought women had blue urine thanks to tampon commercials using blue water to illustrate how absorbent their products were.
I didn't get to watch much television as a kid, nor was I allowed to watch very many movies (psychotic parents and being in a cult) so until I was roughly fourteen I always assumed that people who got killed in a movie or show were people that were already dying or had some terminal illness or were criminals that were given the option to play a character that was going to die.
It wasn't until I was no longer homeschooled and had friends I could visit that weren't in the same cult that I saw enough movies/shows to understand that they were all actors.
That if i get a toy from the commercial, the commercial would stop playing.
You wouldn't imagine the times that i lifted up the toy to the tv while the commercial was on. I just want to watch my fucking show.
SKG_117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That people could choose the amount of phone rings before a call was missed. I didn't understand why my parents didn't set it to 20 and never miss a call again...
I thought feelings were little people that lived in your shoulders. Also that God was an African-American cab driver in New York City who was always smiling and wore sunglasses.
I knew that men made sperm and it had to go to the woman's vagina which I didn't really have a concept of the vagina, I just knew that it went into them at the groin area somewhere. The thing was, I thought married people sleep in the same bed in order for sperm to come out of the penis and make it's way to the woman in order to fertilize and make a child.
AuditU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 3rd grade I was over at my friend's house. Their next door neighbor had a large truck in the driveway with an Orca on the side of it. She told me they adopted a baby whale and were keeping it in their pool until it was old enough to go back into the wild. An Orca whale in a chlorine pool...seemed legit.
Next time I was at her house I asked if we could go see the whale and she laughed.
My mom used to frequently drive to surrounding counties as part of her job, and she would often say, "I have to drive out to Egypt today", and I thought she was literally going to Egypt. I told my teacher and she wanted my mom to come speak about her travels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when you're asleep, you're awake in another weirder universw, and when you're awake youre asleep in that universe.
I later grew out of that and thought that when you sleep, you're dying. When you're awake youre just a clone of yourself
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that I was filled with grey powder and very tiny flames, and that if I was cut open, grey powder and fire would spill out of me.
I thought that when you went to the dentist and they were numbing your mouth that when they said "You're going to feel a pinch" that they were actually pinching the nerves numb.
It was years before I realized that it was a big ass shot.
That earthquakes were caused by large King Kong sized McDonald's milkshakes stomping around angrily. No clue why I thought that, to be honest.
I also thought Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton were married because they did duets together. I'd get mad at Burt Reynolds for trying to get her to cheat on Kenny in all their movies (to kid me Lonnie Anderson = Dolly in a different wig)
That our solar system and all solar systems were just atoms in a much larger universe (planets were electrons... suns were nuclei). The concept would be true for the atoms in our universe as well.
I believed cartoon characters were just people dressed up in costumes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when you die you'll be laying in your coffin forever just staring up at the wood not being able to breathe but your still alive? I know, I'm not sure either...
I remember when I was about 3 and this TV I used to watch introduced a new character - it was a puppet. Well I took an instant dislike to this puppet and was SURE that he was somehow trying to hurt the host of the show. I decided to warn the host, it was up to me to stop this. So I pulled out a pencil and paper and started to write "Dear ~~, ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~~ ~~" And then it occurred to me...I don't actually know how to write.
That I would stay young forever. That for some reason I was special and laws (both legal and physical) didn't apply to me.
Then BOOM! life comes in and karate chops you right in the throat.
I was about 5 or 6, in Key West FL camping in a tent with my parents. I was a bit away from the tent by myself, throwing rocks as far as I could into the ocean, and some random dude that was walking by told me to stop throwing rocks into the ocean, or you'll fill it up and the ocean will disappear.
I had a weird subconscious fear from then on, and never threw a rock into water again until I was an adult and realized he was just messing with me back then.
If you touched a girl's boob she would instantly get pregnant. I absolutely freaked out in middle school when I touched a girls boob my mistake, thought I got her pregnany. Even started to plan my life as being a teen a dad. When I went to my mom to come clean about it, she was angry at the beginning then confused then she cried from laughter when I explained to her .
I thought the people who were eliminated on Survivor were actually murdered and you had to sign a contract agreeing that death was assured if you failed.
I thought cartoons were real, and were just filmed in a special place where everything looked like that.
I always wanted to know if I could visit, but I wasn't sure if it was possible, since I never saw non-cartoon people in cartoon-land.... though I did wonder if there was some sort of conversion process.
That hospitals were government run, not private. I thought this because of sim city they were put in the government box, so it made sense.
Also, for some weird reason I thought I peed out my belly button.
jam3zz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister told me that mountains were dinosaur poop and I believed her and also thought that meant dinosaurs were like thousands of feet tall. Jurassic Park made them seem puny.
sug1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I swallowed watermelon seeds, and drank water, watermelons would grow in my stomach.
Linkums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when I yawned and my ears went kinda funky, it might've been a super power.
That food and drink went down separate tubes when consumed.
That there may be a secret coming-of-age ritual that involved being dropped off in the middle of nowhere and needing to find my way back home.
Growing up around a ton of white people I assumed the majority of the world's population was white and that different races came from white people. So I also grew up fundamentalist and had just learned about the birds and the bees. My mind came up with this: Adam, to make all the races we have today, started experimenting with reproduction. One day he painted his dick yellow and did Eve immediately afterward. This is how I thought east Asians came about. And so on with different colors. So there you have it. This is why we have people with so many different skin tones according to little ilostmyprayerhanky's reasoning.
When I was younger my brother told me that anyone can get pregnant, even boys. So for a long time I always kept my distance from people with the pregnancy.
I had a wart on my pinkie finger, I thought it was a sign that I was an extra-terrestrial being.
Edit: Thought of another one, I used to think small pieces of chickens were actually little tiny chickens
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well when I was around 7-9 years old I was scared of the Zelda majoras mask game. For some odd reason I thought the mask really took a kid and made him evil so I thought it would happen to me. Well my room has a giant window straight in front of my bed, and I'd refuse to sleep in my room because I thought at night the mask would break my window and get me. Needless to say I slept with my parents after that for about 3 months after until finally getting over it
In the fields along the highway, there would be these big, white, marshmallow shaped objects. Of course, young me had to ask my dad what they were. And he tells me that they are marshmallows and the reason they were everywhere was bescause its a farm. For marshmallows. I believed this but never really thought about it for a while, until I saw the white tarp blow, over the side of one of those big round haybales.
I believed a ghost lobster lived in the corner of my room and came out during the night. I thought that if I ever fell asleep facing that particular corner then it would snip off my nose while I was asleep. This went on for a year. Every night I was fucking terrified of a ghost lobster.
My grandfather warned me not to eat watermelon seeds. He said kids that did would have vines grow out their ears and they would die. Kind of a fucked up thing to say to a child.... thanks grandpa.
When I was very young I thought that if someone got shot in a cowboy film he really got shot and that they must take very old people and dress them and make them up as if they were that character in the film and then shoot him - which was strange, I even thought they must then pay the family a bag of money to compensate for the loss of grandpa...
My parents grew up living next door to each other. Consequently, I thought all grandparents lived next door to each other until I was in 7th grade. My friend Sam had to explain to me that what happened with my parents (you know, my mom literally being the girl next door) is actually quite rare. One set of his grandparents lived locally, the others lived in Montana. That just didn't register as possible to me.
That if my mother listened to certain music in the car, the car would break down.
This was substantiated in my childhood mind because the certain music always seemed to be involved in her shitty car luck.
When I was 3-4 years old I came up with the idea that little boys grew up to become women and little girls grew up to become men. I have no idea what inspired this thought. As it turns out I am not entirely incorrect.
Ezombio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being born involved cutting out every baby, so I pictured cavemen using flint to open you up every time you give birth. I did not understand how cavemen could put cavewomen back together and my parents decided it would be easier to explain the real deal.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I believed that kids come out/born from anus. Just like how you shit.
I believed boobs grew big in a few seconds as soon as you become an adult.
The sanitary napkins/pads were used for underarms so it can soak all the sweat and the sweat stain wouldn't come out on our clothes.
Two things, both related:
1 - When I was a preteen, my older cousin convinced me that the seashell my grandma had given me had a crab living in it that would bite me when I held the shell to my ear to "hear the ocean." I didn't touch that seashell (or any seashell, really) for years.
2 - I also believed that when you hold a shell to your ear to "hear the ocean," you were somehow literally hearing the ocean. I thought the seashell acted like some kind of recording device or telepathic connection to the ocean or something.
I lived in a really really really small town in Ecuador "Moraspungo" and i thought that that was the whole world very small and those where the only people that existed on earth, and since my grandparents had lots of land i thought my grandparents own earth.
When i was a kid, kids told me that there is some man that lives in the sky and knows everything about me and can take me to the skies at any time. It was so creepy, i was so scared so i did not go out at day(it was in the summer) so he wont see me. They told me all the creepy shit they know about this guy. They told me that guy is reading my mind and i shoud speak with him, beg him to let me alive and keep everything secret. I still remember this cold feeling. I was depressed for three months and afraid for several years.
I was born by C-section, and so one day when I was about 3, I asked my mother how I came out of her stomach. She told me they cut her open and got me out of her, or something to that effect.
I had a very vivid mental image of my mother lying on a table, the doctor swinging her open as though she had a hinge in her side (sort of like the woman sawn in half magic trick) and then me crawling out on to the table.
I also thought that since I was in her stomach, the chewed up bits of my mother's food would come falling from above and I'd make like a baby bird and sit there with my mouth open waiting for food to fall into it.
Evidently I thought it was pretty roomy (womby?) in there.
My dad used to always call speed bumps "City Titties". I called them city titties until about age 12 and when a friend told me they were called speed bumps I tried to tell him he was wrong.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Girls didn't poop, a girl in my 7th grade class told me girls didnt poop and she said it so matter of factly i believed her till 9th grade when it all clicked that that made no sense cause they have buttholes
That if you died while you were sleeping, you'd be stuck in the dream you were having forever, and conversely, if you were stuck in a dream and didn't wake up, you would die IRL.
I had tons of nightmares where I knew I was dreaming, but I couldn't escape and wake up. It was terrifying :(
I thought scales only calculated the weight that was directly above it. (If you moved your body to the side, "off" the scale, you would weigh less). Cute beliefs.
That I was going to die before I turned sixteen, my sister would die at age 21 and my brother would die at 19.
We're all still around, way past the expiration date I'd set for us. I was a morbid child.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Goodwill was good Will, some little pretentious fucker who parents would take their kids Christmas or birthday presents to if they weren't behaving.
I believed that life would always be enjoyable and I'd always be calm, not anxious, and at ease with it. Boy does that hit you hard when you realize...
My mom has always had really bad back pain, and at some point in my childhood I heard the rhyme about stepping on a crack and breaking your mother's back. I was horrified that I had somehow caused my mother's back problems.
Now, I figured out pretty quickly that it was just a silly saying, and of course I didn't break my mother's back or cause her back pain. And yet to this day, I occasionally find myself walking with an odd gait to avoid cracks on the ground or floor. I love my mom and can't be too careful.
I thought the world was black and white prior to about 1960. I saw all these black-and-white videos, TV shows, and movies all the time that my mom would say were from "when Dad was a little boy." I thought he had lived to see the invention of color.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The wolf that lived up the end of the ally behind my house. Not a normal wolf red riding hood kinda wolf wig and everything.
My cousin played a lot of video games. Hell, he still does. His dad told him that if he plays too much, he'll become a zombie. I think that's reasonable, play like some people do at that young of an age and you'll basically be braindead. Nope, he thought he'll turn into a green, human-craving monster.
When I first heard about AIDS, and that you could get it via sexual intercourse, I immediately assumed everyone has to have sex with a condom or you would catch it. Tldr: everyone has aids
I had nightmares around Easter (when I was like 3-5 years old) about the 6+ foot tall rabbit that would come to our house to hide eggs. I thought that was really scary, not sure why....
wimaine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
because it is
irtiq7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that days were divided in to 3 distinct region morning, evening and afternoons each 12 hrs long and the time always started from 10 am. Yeah I was a weird child
I thought when music was playing in stores there was actually a band playing in the ceiling or the upstairs and we could hear through the vents (speakers)
MRCOAN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when adults had sex, The male put his penis inside the tits...Lmao
That I was the only actual person that truly existed because I couldn't prove one way or another that my family, or anybody, weren't pre-programmed to say and do everything they did.
I used to think that the Cold War was a war between the US and Canada.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Mohammed Islam Christianity
Am I edgy yet?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know how those Ramune drinks say it's dangerous to try and get the marble out? I thought that meant that if the marble got out of the bottle it would summon a dragon and curse you. :(
I thought China was fictional. Only experience I had with the country was seeing it in cartoons, so I assumed it was made up, like castles or the wild west.
I once thought that every person who died in movies were criminals sentenced to death, and chose to be killed during filming instead of through the normal means.
That black people have blood like red jelly. I swear I remember seeing that when a girl in kindergarten was injured on the playground. I don't know what I ACTUALLY saw, but that's what I THOUGHT I saw and believed it for a long time.
kittaia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That penalising someone meant removing their penis as punishment
AnonJian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That some old white guy with a beard would give me whatever I want just because I wrote a list of demands on a piece of paper. And I would get them, proving I was good. I'm so glad I now believe Uncle Sam will give me whatever I want (list of demands) because I filled out a voting form. And I because I'm on the right side, I believe I'll get what I want.
Children and their magical thinking can be ridiculous. Good thing we believe in adulthood as some kind of remedy. Because that's not embarrassing at all.
My friend's parents asked me for months if I want to go to the park with them and I would pass. Much later I realized that the park is a place with swings and slides and is different front a parking lot. I thought that for months they would go play between cars in a parking lot. Huge regret.
My grandma always had those tube of miniature M&M's and little jelly-filled hard stawberry candies. Like every time we visited she had just enough for me and my siblings, even if it was a surprise visit. And I could never seem to find them in the store.
So, naturally, my young mind reasoned that only grandma's had them(all of mine did, I think they planned it) and they ordered them from a special grandma store. I believed that until I was in highschool, drove to the store to get some candy, and, lo and behold, there they were!
cata2k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The black market was a real place. Some middle eastern bazaar, where all the shady criminals identified themselves as such by wearing black.
Grew up bilingual English and Japanese. When I was really little, for some reason, I assumed all Japanese people thought in English and then translated it into Japanese when they spoke.
Seeing lots of green and recycling posters growing up, I saw that 'recycling a plastic bottle is the same as powering a tv for an hour' or something, so I was convinced there was a process to extract pure energy out of stuff like plastic bottles which could be used to power TVs
My Grandmother told me that if I sprinked salt on a birds tail then I would be able to catch it. Can't tell you how many hours I spent in her back yard with the salt shaker from the kitchen table. I was 30 before I figured out that if I could get close enough to sprinkle salt on it's tail then hell yeah I could catch it! Apparently one of the tricks my Grandmother used to get rid of me when I was underfoot.
My mom used to use me as a parking "good luck charm" she said I had a special connection to the parking goddess. I legitimately thought I was a spiritual conduit for some deity that granted the ideal parking space. If only.
HSteamy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents told me that to make a baby 'the daddy puts a seed in the mummy'. Whenever we went to gardening supply shops I always looked everywhere for the packets of baby seeds but could never find them.
That if I did my homework on the way to school in the morning instead of after school the day before like I was supposed to, my teachers would know and tell my parents, which would get me grounded or something. The teachers would know this because they had a way of testing/finding out how long the pencil had been on the paper. The bizarre part is that this isn't something my parents told me to get me to do my homework and I completely made it up on my own. Also, despite this made up fear, I was and still am a huge procrastinator who often did my homework on the bus on the way to school.
To me as a child, the reason there's an exhaust pipe on a car is so that it can pushed air out super fast
That's what made the car move forward.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Used to think that people who died in movies died in real life, and they were just criminals with a movie-death sentence. Then I saw two movies with Sean Bean in them.
When I was in kindergarten I overheard my teacher talking to another teacher about her recent pregnancy and mentioned that she "must've carried the baby in her thighs". At the time I already knew the "facts of life" and was really worried about what horrible deformity she must have had where her uterus would be in her thigh.
That when people talked about sandbars they were referring to a little bar that someone would wheel out at a certain part of the day.. never did end up seeing it though
For many years, after an incident at my elementary school, I believed pink eye was only contagious by making direct eye contact with someone who had it. As if by some sort of infectious-laser-eye-beam.
I thought that there were people in the attic and could see me through the air vents. I acted like I didn't know they were spying. When the AC was on I was safe and could move around in bed at night but when it turned off, they were there waiting to catch me awake, so I would lie still AF sweating my balls off just waiting. My G-ma slept over one time and the AC clicked off, a solid five minutes of silent, sweaty agony. Outta nowhere she let out the meanest machine gun fart ever. Scared the everloving shit outta me. She gotta kick out of it. Still can't sleep w/out a fan on.
That my Dad had magic powers to pull a Cadbury's Creme Egg from behind my ear.
dkl415 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that only my friends and family were real, and everyone else was an actor (a la Truman Show), maybe 10 years before Truman Show came out.
Lobby44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My step brother, Brandon, believed that jelly beans grew from actual plants from the time he was 6 until he was a freshman in high school.
My step dad told him that as an Easter tradition but failed to ever mention he was joking until Brandon tried to convince his friends otherwise in high school.
Safe to say he has yet to live that story down!
Yuforia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know how when your eyes are unfocused you see doubles? Well I used to think that I was looking through stuff.
I used to believe that when you ate soup, it went to your calves, in a little soup sack. Some people had wobbly calves because they ate a lot of soup, and some people had hard calves because they didn't eat enough. It seemed logical.
I thought that drinking Gatorade would give you neon bright, colored sweat. Those commercials looked pretty convincing at 9 years old. When I finally realized that it wouldn't, I stopped exercising and became a fat adolescent.
I thought my parents were spies and I thought they checked my clothes at the end of every day to see if I had male fingerprints on my clothes... Smh I remember that if a guy touched me I would put my hand over where they touched and then touch somewhere else (as if transfering the fingerprint) so there would be no evidence of me having guy friends.
I thought my dad killed my grandpa. Let me explain.
When i was younger we used to ha e family dinner with my moms entire sid of the famil, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, family friends, all were welcome. One sunday when i was 5 we had a family bbq at my house. We'll my dad went to town, huge salad, shit ton of meat on the grill, sides, etc, enough to feed an army.
Well after dinner, my grandpa started to feel some chest pains. He went to the hospital via ambulance from my house and the last thing I remembered him say was all he ate was the salad with my dad's dressing. Well naive 5 year old me thought that it was my dad's dressing that not only put my grandpa in the hospital, but later lead to his death in the next few days.
Took my parents years to find out and only once talking to a psychiatrist
My uncle (a farmer) had a copper horse thing hanging on his wall (it used to be the top of his weathervane, and when he got a new one he kept the old horse cause he liked it) and my dad convinced me it used to be a real horse but by uncle shot it with a copper bullet and it turned it into a shrunken down copper horse. I believed him until I was like eleven.
That as a boy in the house constantly surrounded by females (sisters and mom), I would grow up to have a vagina. I thought that since the only people older than me had vaginas (didn't know my dad and brother were like me and had penises). However, I stopped believing this when my little sister was born.
Another thing I believed was that if I didn't use the restroom when I needed to, my mom would cut off my dick and eat it. Apparently, my mom made sure to say this a lot in my childhood. Last time I asked her why she said that, she said she was joking but even now, I always use the restroom when I needed to even though she's miles away.
I got myself completely worked up, thinking that I might be a fictional character in someone else's novel. I mean, how would I know?! I'm just the letters on the page, going on with my life, thinking I'm a real person, when I'm really just the figment of a deranged, keyboard-pecking author who could kill me off on a whim.
This is what happens when your 7 year old reads at a high school level; she gets an existential crisis in 2nd grade.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I heard of a prisoner that escaped jail the committed suicide. I thought this meant he escaped by running through a sewer.
That someone could just come up to my house, ring my doorbell, and tell my parents that they want to buy my house, and then we'd have to move. I was afraid of unfamiliar cars driving by for a few years after that.
I thought that the sky was the 6th ocean. I was convinced of it till I was 8 years old. I'm still not clear whether that I'm wrong...cause well, the sky does hold water vapour.
Up until very recently actually, I believed that pasta came from some sort of plant somewhere. Like... as is. A rigatoni tree would've made perfect sense to me.
I thought firefighters worked like Ghostbusters, as in they captured the fire in the back of the truck and released it into the wild later, which were what forest fires were.
When I was 5 or 6 I was spending the week with my grandparents and we got up to go to breakfast. They were taking us to a place called The Berry House. I started crying because I thought that meant that it was a house where they buried you alive. My grandpa had to explain how words sound the same and we were going to a berry place like strawberries, not a place where I would go to die.
My mom was from the southern united states and used to tell me that I would grow mushrooms behind my ears if I didn't clean them properly. For about a year, when I was 5, I scrubbed behind my ears until they were scabbed thinking that mushrooms would grow. Then I thought the scabs were mushrooms growing. Safe to say I was a paranoid child after that.
When my little brother was about three he honestly thought that all little boys grew up to be girls. Like he thought that at some point he'd be a chick and so would every other little boy. He did grow up around quite a lot of women. he was babysat by a woman who had a daughter, there was me - quite a bit older who also cared for him often - and of course my mom. So you can almost see how he'd think this. But he also had an older brother and a dad. I remember asking him 'so if all boys grow up to be girls what about daddy and your brother?' And like a typical three year old he just shrugged and ran off to play. I still have no clue what his thought process was.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Guerilla fighters in 3rd world countries were literally GORILLA fighters...like Gorilla Grodd or the Gorillas from Planet of the Apes. I legit thought there was a race of super-intelligent Gorillas living deep in the jungle occasionally emerging to wage war on humanity. I also thought Ivan Drago in Rocky 4 was a cyborg,but thats a different story altogether
I thought the earth was an infinite plane for an embarrassingly long amount of time. The models I saw of earth I thought reflected what was above this plane. Why would God make an infinite earth, then a spherical model of it in the sky? I could never quite figure out how to confirm or dispute this with a good question. Then in about second or third grade I formulated the perfect questions. "Dad, if we could drill through the sky would we come out in space?" "Yes." "If we could drill through the Earth to the other side and keep going would we also come out in space?" "Yes." And that was when I learned the Earth itself was in fact the spherical "model" I had always seen pictures of. Mind-blown.
I used to think that there was a set amount of air in our lungs and that if I ever blew too hard I'd die as there would be no air left in my lungs. As a consequence whenever I blew something, such as bubbles, I started breathing in like crazy.
I used to think "make ends meet" was actually "make ends-meat". Like, you only made enough money to buy the scraps and ends from the butcher. Ends meet makes more sense.
My dad, who worked at a bank, told me that Christopher Columbus was a banker and that's why the banks were closed on Columbus Day. I knew he wasn't just a banker but when the teacher asked the class who he was, I thought I was adding an interesting little tidbit of information by saying he was a banker.
The laughter, even from the teacher, still haunts me.
Helibe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All movies were live. If you wanted to watch a movie, all the actors had to scramble together to put on a play just for you.
Thought there was a person somewhere with a huge control panel who watched and operated all traffic lights. The fact that they'd have to do this simultaneously across hundreds of locations didn't occur to me.
For years I was convinced everything was made out of cotton, just various density cottons...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad spent a summer planting trees in Ecuador. My mom was upset one day, and she said his group was being held hostage by guerrillas.
I wasn't sure why she was upset, I thought finding some gorillas would be cool. He was fine by the way, once they realized they were just poor nerdy scientists!
I also found "horse teeth" in the garden once, that my father didn't tell me until I was almost 30 that they weren't actually horse teeth. I always wondered why did didn't have any more gardens by the old cemetery after that...
I was convinced that dragonflies could sew up my ears, nose, mouth and eyes. Like super convinced because my dad had no reason to lie. I was terrified of dragonflies until my junior year of college when i freaked out about seeing a dragonfly and said "aren't you worried about it sewing up your ears?!" and all my friends just stared...thanks dad
I always thought that women didn't push babies out. Once I leaned about a C-Section, I thought that all women had to get cut open. At the time, I was a fairly safe kid, and the most I would ever get was a papercut or scratch. I also, during the same time, never leaned that they used anesthesia on patients, so it was like a papercut, but a billion times worse
For the longest time I thought I was either unnaturally skinny or adopted because all the rest of my family (extended family as well) was slightly obese. My aunts would always say stuff like "Oh you're so skinny!" "You need some meat on those bones!" "Get this boy a sandwich!" Stuff like that (and they also yelled a bunch while I was a very quiet kid, which they also commented on).
When I was 11-12, I went to the hospital with my aunt and cousin for a checkup. I for some reason hadn't thought to ask any doctors about my weight before this particular appointment. So I ask, and the nurse is like "Oh yeah, you're in very good shape for your age"
And that was that.
And on the topic of me being an adoptee, I also used to think I wasn't American because I wasn't interested in American things. I never cared for American sports and I preferred the metric system over the imperial system, unlike most other Americans. Even today people say I act foreign and guess that I'm from Canada or some European country. It doesn't help that I, for reasons unbeknownst to me, slip into a Canadian accent when saying words like sorry and use words that are apparently British. It just completely derails whatever the previous conversation was.
TL;DR I thought I was either anorexic or adopted from abroad for a long time.
Back when I was a small child, I thought that the television had little people in it that performed plays for us. To explain how there could be so many different people if you watched long enough, I reasoned that they must live in the wall, and climb into the TV through the power cord. We didn't have cable, and I didn't know what the rabbit ears really did, so the power cord was the only thing I could see to let them pull it off. I imagined a whole little town's worth of tiny people living in the wall, waiting for their turns to go into the TV to entertain us. I was tempted to try unplugging the TV just as a show was starting, because maybe I could catch them. But maybe some would fall out of the cord and get hurt, so I didn't want to take that chance and never tried.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought a girl's voice changed during puberty. Still waiting....
Me and one of my younger sisters would tell our youngest sister that if she ate more than one McDonalds french fry at a time she would die. We also frequently told her she was adopted...
bromo01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to get very impatient at red lights so my dad convinced me that if I gave him a kiss on the cheek the light would change to green. most of the times I'd be skeptic until convinced and by the time I'd get to actually kiss him the light would change. I used to believe he was so magical haha actually got into magic because of his many cool simple tricks during my childhood...
I remembered this today. I forget how old I was, but I was real young, and thought people with the same first names were related, because people with the same last name were usually related too.
I believed if I covered my arms with cardboard boxes (of the length if my arms), they would function as wings and I'd be able to fly. After 20 attempts, jumping from the bed, I gave up.
For at least my first ten years of life, my grandfather had me convinced that scallops were pieces of shark meat. How did they get so round? I didn't know and my parents obviously care enough to correct him.
I grew up in the 90's loving star wars from when I was very young about age 4-5. Back then, I got very caught up in the "a long, long time ago..." tagline.
I figured that mankind was going through some kind of reverse technological chronology. A long, long time ago they had spaceships, droids, lightsabers, etc. and as a species we were heading to the culture of Western films and ultimately towards the stone age.
Took me until about 8-10 years old to realize that star wars was not a historically accurate story.
During bath time, if I was only able to keep the water running long enough, I could flood the house high enough to engage in otherwise non-catastrophic domestic aquatic adventures. They could later be reversed by releasing the bathtub drain.
ansag1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife saw a commercial when she was a kid where little old Italian ladies picked pasta off of trees. She confessed to believing that until she started cooking for herself... So probably into her early 20's.
When I was about 4 one of my sibling's friends (teenager) told me that if I buried his gum wrapper it would grow into an ice cream tree. I believed it and put it under a rock in a secret place. I periodically checked on it the whole summer, but that ice cream tree never grew, and I was very sad...
When I was in second grade, we were playing with play-doh in class. One of the boys in my class built a snowman, then held it against his crotch like it was his penis to make his friend laugh.
Due to a lack of any other visuals (I'm a female), I thought for a very, very long time that penises were shaped like snowmen.
I think everyone goes through this, but, solipsism.
Also, I believed for many years that "connoisseur" meant "someone with a cough." But that was because my parents lied to me to get out of buying me a certain candy. It wasn't until nearly a decade later that someone set me straight (I really could never quite understand why the "connoisseur ice cream parlor" would have such brisk business).
My wife once claimed that as a child she used to think that there were monkeys inside traffic lights, operating them. I was like "Uh, you're remembering the Flintstones, dear."
I thought that when you grew up you had the choice of getting a job or being a bird. My dad was an airline pilot and would be gone for a few days at a time "flying".
I would always get paranoid as fuck coming home late at night. My imagination kept telling me there were scary guys or monsters hanging on to the bottom of the car and when I get out.. They'll grab my legs and fuck me up!
I thought Star Trek was real. I thought it was like videos from our space program. I asked my dad what Mr. Spock was and he just said "A Vulcan". I assumed Vulcan was just some country in Asia. I was very young and didn't understand reflections that well. A fly-by of the Enterprise reflected in the living room window once and I thought the actual ship and flown by. After all... we lived on an Air Force base.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a woman's cleavage was another set of buttcheeks and that women pooped out of their chests (Childhood was weird man, I don't know).
My brother told me that there were little men in the traffic lights who changed the colors: three for each light. I believed that for so long I didn't remember where I'd gotten the idea when I'd realized it was garbage. I shared it with my family and my brother started laughing and told me.
He'd also tried to make me believe that black and white cows made white milk, and brown cows made chocolate milk, but you can only go so far...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that if you'd milk cows really hard, hamburgers would come out.
wvston ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use to watch A LOT of Spongebob and was convinced that jelly came from jellyfish. When my kindergarten teacher asked about where grape jelly from, I raised my hand confidently and said, "Jellyfish!" The whole class and my teacher laughed at me and that was when I learned jelly or jam came from fruits.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the food falls on the ground, the devil licks it. and you can't eat it because of that
I thought that saying you were "allergic" to something gave you an automatic pass to not eat the one kind of food you hated the most. This is why when my mom was putting peanuts in our grocery cart when I was about six, I informed her that she couldn't get them because I was allergic to them. She told me that no, I was not, and I shouted at her, "I THINK I KNOW, MOM."
I used to pray so much as a kid. For simple stuff too. Like for my parents to make a little more money, not to be made fun of, or just for something nice to happen every now and then. It took a few years for me to realize I was wasting my time and needed to make all that shit happen for myself.
That women got pregnant with age. Even when I learnt that sex causes pregnancy, I believed that's just one of the ways because my parents are too pure to do such a dirty act.
When I was younger I used to love jumping on the vents you find on side walks, trying to smash through them (I know I was an idiot). My mum was so terrified I'd fall through, she told me that crocodiles live under them and they're waiting on the other side to eat me. I didn't realise she was lying until I got to high school but to this day I still walk around every vent on the street.
I used to think that traffic lights were controlled by tiny little dwarves that lived under the street and constantly watched traffic. I would imagine that they would scramble up and down the light poles to look at traffic and tell the lights to change colors. Also, I kissed a boy when I was 6 and was certain that I was pregnant from it.
I have quite a few, but nothing will ever be as funny as my highly-detailed police chase scenario, created by 5 year old me.
For some reference, nobody in my family has ever gotten in any real trouble before. I'd never seen a policeman pull us over or arrest anybody.
Anyways, you know how sometimes those theft alarms at K-Mart accidentally go off? That used to happen all the time at ours. (Either our local Wal-Mart's was more functional, or we just never bought clothes there.) This eventually bred a fear that they would go off and we'd get falsely accused of stealing.
But it doesn't end there.
I used to think that those alarms would contact the police directly, and they'd come to arrest us. So when we drove out, I always asked my dad to "hurry up" or "drive faster," because little me knew what was coming.
Little me knew, or at least thought, that the police would chase us home. But this wasn't your normal car-vs-car police chase, no. I envisioned an entire squad of cars driving behind us, armored trucks following from behind, and three attack helicopters above them, shooting bullets at our car as my panicking mother screamed for my dad to drive faster, while SWAT officers would break through our car windows and grab us as the car swerved off and exploded, destroying half the city in its explosion.
I didn't want to get framed. I didn't want to get arrested, and most importantly, I didn't want my car to explode with the force of a thousand suns. So there I was, in the back of the car, panicking over a scenario that would never happen.
I never told my parents why I got so scared by that alarm until I was 17. That was the hardest I'd seen them laugh in my life.
When I was pretty young, maybe 4 or 5, my parents told me someone we distantly knew had passed away from a heart attack, but I heard that as "hard attack". Because of this, I imagined the man's house getting broken into by a bunch of swat team looking guys and subsequently attacking him.
If the PlayStation was freezing, punching the TV would make it unfreeze
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once when I was about six or seven I had a really nasty stomachache, and my brother told me that washing your hands in cold water (?) would make your stomach feel better.
...the sad part is I kinda do that out of habit now, and maybe it's the placebo effect but I feel it kiiiiinda works.
I thought the hole in the ozone layer meant that eventually all the air would leak out of the earth and we'd all suffocate. What bothered me more was that adults seemed quite unconcerned about it.
I was convinced faeries existed. I would have my sister help me build little houses for them in the yard, and I was always sure to keep them stocked with food or whatever cause I thought if I didn't, the faeries would curse me.
At a restaurant in our town, the ceiling fans were all linked together with these belts, all linking back to a box on the wall. It looked like the box powered the belts turning the fans. My brother convinced me as a kid that a mouse lived in the box chasing a piece of cheese to run the fans.
When I was in kindergarten I thought the school got blown up every day and rebuilt overnight. This was because we'd occasionally have "early dismissal" and left school early. I though we had to leave early because the missile was coming to blow up the school early and was always worried we wouldn't make it in time.
When I was a kid, my dad told me that when you flushed the toilet the poop would go down through pipes and up into trees. From there it got recycled through the leaves. He used this to explain why it smelled bad outside sometimes.
Truth is we lived down the street from a meat packing plant.
My first and second grade teacher had us convinced us that she had eyes in the back of her head and that was how she always knew what we were doing. Also, she told us that she had cameras in the special area rooms so she would know if we were behaving. I knew neither made sense, but I was convinced
I used to believe that I could grow my boogers into booger plants.
I would pull apart the little wispy parts in the carpet, plant them, and then spit on them and wait.
Though I usually forgot about them
so somewhere in my old house where someone is now living, there are old child boogers all over the house in their carpets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that the pods that come from carob trees were actually deer poop. My sister always tricked me when I was a toddler.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know those air heads commercials from the mid 2000s which showed people eating them and then there head blows up into a air head mascot, well i thought that would actually happen, i was so scared i didn't try an air head until a was about 10.
zammy95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was pretty sure jesus and Santa were the same person for quite awhile when I was younger
allenme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That our stomachs are like, big sacs where you put your food into. Like our entire torso is just lungs, stomach, heart and bones
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that pulling the grab handles from the car ceiling would make the car go faster. My older sister tricked me into thinking all sorts of ridiculous stuff when I was little xD
Only the President can use 3+ exclamation points in a row.
The cellar door things outside houses in Colonial Williamsburg are actually jail cells. No room underneath, just lie flat with your nose to the ceiling. I was ~ 10.
I remember debating with this kid in grade 1 about where babies came from. I was so convinced that they came out your mouth. It was a heated conversation to say the least.
That the red light on top of the water tower was Rudolphs nose so I knew santa was always watching. One christmas eve I threw a tantrum because I saw "Rudolphs" nose while we were driving home and santa wouldn't stop if I wasn't at home asleep. They told me it counted if I slept in the car. I quickly shut up and faked sleeping until they carried me in. Stupid santa didn't even know I was faking it
That dinosaurs existed in an overlapping plane of existence and we're just misinterpreting time.
I also thought time stopped at 12am and started again at 7am.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that children came in packages and you could buy them in stores. Silly four year old me, everybody knows that children are delivered to their rightful owners by storks.
eyob83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought adults were better than children. 20 years after it occurred, I realized I had been molested.
Oh, and as a black boy, I thought black people were required to listen to only rap/r&b.
I used to have chronic ear infections as a child. I used to tell my mum that I had 'Rob' in my ear. Mum starts thinking I'm being abused or something to that effect. Turns out I was just partially deaf and could hear my own heartbeat 'throbbing'.
AadilF1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought that doing a jump in a train or an airplane will cause you to go flying backwards as the airplane is moving very fast whereas the earth isn't moving so therefore I wouldnt be moving forward if I jumped on the spot.
Not mine, but my sister's; That we all lived inside the Earth, and that astronauts had to break through the planet's crust to reach space. She was 13 by the time she learned this wasn't true.
"But if we live on the outside of the planet, how can we breathe, we'd be in space!"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Dad told me that if I ate raw cookie dough, it would cook inside my stomach and I would get a tummy ache. I imagined my stomach getting all distended and bloated like Violet from Willy Wonka.
waishas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always believed that God was an all knowing lion who wore clothes.
You know when you are younger and get really excited for events or days that are coming up and you can't sleep? Well somehow I would convince myself, when I was in bed trying to sleep, that since I couldn't imagine how this exciting day is going to happen tomorrow, that must mean that I am going to die in my sleep or a killing in the middle of the night and that's why I couldn't envision that day. Even after this was obviously disproven multiple times I still believed that this was a thing. It actually sounds pretty fucked up when I type it out like this...
Growing up watching sponge bob square pants, I assumed all boats had wheels on the bottom of them. The suspension would use the depth finder to telescope the wheels to the bottom of the ocean.
Buoyancy was an unrecognized variable.
rkibs98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Up until I was seven or so, I thought that the priest at church was God. When I switched churches, I was confused as to why God looked different. I distinctly remember my Mom's face of pure disappointment.
I thought there was actually a tiny person inside the drive-thru box.
jtdemaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I asked my mom what a bruise was and she let me know it was internal bleeding. Thing is, I didn't know what internal was and thought she said eternal. This freaked me out cause I thought it meant you would bleed forever so I kept a notebook of where I had bruises so I knew where I was already bleeding and to be extra careful there
For some strange reason, I thought that a day was like 48 hours long, and that I just slept through around 24 hours. I believed this until I was around 9 years old when people told me that a day was 24 hours long... Don't ask me how I exactly stopped because that is beyond me.
I had the truman show delusion from 8th to 10th grade. Thank God I don't have OCD anymore.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a phase where I couldn't flush the toilet without thinking that everything in the room would get sucked into it. So I'd flush and get the fuck out.
Also, dangling my feet over any seat where someone could sit behind me was a no-go as there was a fear that someone would just sneak up behind me and cut my Achilles tendon. Seeing the scene in Hostel for the first time pretty much reawakened that fear in me as an adult and it took a few years to get back over it.
I thought it was super cool that Punxsutawney, PA was named after the groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil. Like I completely thought this groundhog had told the townspeople his name so they named the town in his honor.
I thought that you could defeat gravity by lifting yourself up. To test this theory I held a plank of wood under my butt, closed my eyes, jumped, tucked my legs in, and pulled up as hard as I could.
I thought that I had two personalities, one good and one bad. Someone told me something about right and left brain something-or-other. I logically assume that each personality looked out at the world through their respective eye.
Long story short I thought that
if I shut one eye it would make me see the world in a better or worse way depending on which eye.
In California it is illegal to pick Poppies..I always thought they was an alarm attached to the stems of all of them and if you picked them it would alert the police
When I was a toddler and farted my mom tried to make it a cute thing and would say "Oh, oh! Must be the meeses!" Meaning "mice" making noise. I didn't realize that she was using a cutesy word for "mice" so until I was 5 or 6 thought that "meeses" was some sort of medical condition that made noises come out of your butt. I remember farting in front of a playmate and explaining that I had meeses, in a very serious tone.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aliens Lived in the toilet, that was a fact.
finH1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mum often recalls the time I asked her "Mum do dustbin mean come from the moon?"
I was 4 apparently haha
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That squirrels were magic and would leave me a bowl of ice cream if I left a pile of nuts by the woods.
I have Visual Snow, which I know, but until the age of 12 I always had a sneaking suspicion that i wasnt a real person, but instead a NPC in a game or show due to the "static" i would see. It really made me wonder if i was really in control of anything
I use to think that in movie theaters, we were watching a giant TV screen instead of a projection. I also that Eddie Murphy created Murphy's Law.
PODoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I thought my grand parents lived at the airport because that's where we would always go to pick them up.
Also my older brother worked at McDonald's, and he told me that there were free range cows in the back and every time someone ordered a burger he had to shoot a cow with a bow and arrow and butcher it. For like 2 years every time I went to McDonald's I tried to see into the back to catch a glimpse of the cows.
tim098 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
From the age of 7 to 12, I thought the moon was the size of my bedroom.
I also thought I had invented masturbation. Not sure which ones worse.
ans141 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, my dad told me to not eat the ends of bananas because spiders lay their eggs there.
I've read and have been told it isn't true, but I still don't eat the ends. Even being 26 years old, I can't get myself to do it.
That if I popped and peed at the same time, I would combust. (or the 5yr old version of combustion)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That adults knew what the fuck they were doing
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was six, I had no idea that people who were cremated had died first. I just figured once you got to certain age, we did a combination Viking/Eskimo sendoff.
That your "feelings" were in your shoulders. Someone pointed in the general area of the heart (so near the shoulder...) for "hurt feelings" once in preschool, and when I asked my mom where they were she pointed there too! ...and I was convinced.
not me but my bff thought that there was an invisible cord attached to her body that would get tangled. She would always make sure to go back through somewhere the same way she walked in so she wouldn't get snagged.
That we lived on the inside of the planet, as otherwise we world have been hurtled into space and wouldn't be able to breathe. Didn't quite make sense with the sky though.
When I was very young (like maybe 6), I rode on a roller coaster. This was back in the 70's, when a short kid could sit on his father's lap and ride. My head must have hit my father's chin or something, because I felt my head hit something hard. Since it was night time and I thought the roller coaster was so tall, I thought I hit my head on the moon.
I thought babies were delivered in a basket that floated down from the sky and you would order one after you got married. I was very disappointed to learn women gave birth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually believed there was an invisible man in the clouds that watched over your every move. You could talk to this dude and ask him to help you out. If you misbehaved, he would send you to a fiery pit for all eternity.
Way late to the party here, but I grew up in Northern MN where ice fishing in fish-houses is a thing when the lakes freeze over.
When I was very little, I asked what they were, and when my dad said "fish-houses", I said that was really nice that people gave the fish somewhere to live when the lake was frozen.
Like, the concept of 'doing thing' and 'paying for thing' was inexorably true, and finding a job meant finding one that you paid to do but got paid more for doing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you sat on the toilet while you flushed so it would clean your butt. I guess I thought all toilets were bidets.
My grandpa told me that kiwis were monkey testicles, and when he cut it open and I saw the green stuff I ran away scared. He just laughed and ate them.
I thought Stop signs had Go on the other side, and there was some guy hiding at every stop sign to flip the sign so people knew when to go. Figured out the truth when I looked out the back window once and saw its just silver metal on the back.
Jesus made a pact with the Romans. "I'll agree to let you kill me, if you don't take over the world and make it terrible." That's how he died to save us.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was one of the toddlers in the early 80's who thought the Guess Who cards could talk.
I was maybe 3 when my mom got it for me, and I distinctly remember crying my eyes out after opening it... I thought my new friends just didn't want to speak to me.
I thought that when a baby was born, the umbilical cord was attached to the penis. Then when the parents cut the umbilical cord, they got to decide if the baby became a boy or a girl.
Few of them...
Drafts kill more Europeans a year than any terminal illness. Step outside with wet hair from the shower, youre gonna die from a cold. Sit on the pavement and you're going to be infertile
When I was 8 I thought everybody I see except my family is Extras as in movies and they already done there act and they are preparing to leave.. it was awesome to be a star for a couple of years,,,
I used to think sliced pickles came out of my butt when I farted if I was eating a burger at a fast food chain.
Eltwish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For a while I didn't really notice that the word liver was different from lever... so I thought the liver was a kind of lever. And once I saw a picture showing its shape, it all made sense - the liver was like a pinball flipper that launched your food back up your esophagus. That's what the liver was for - it's the organ you use to throw up.
That also reminds me that in 2nd grade when we were asked on a questionnaire what we wanted to learn that year, I had written something like "about the things your body does (like burp and stuff)"... I suppose I still had lingering amazement about the barf-lever.
My mother told me that every time a person hiccups, they grow a little. I believed this for far too long and would always want to get the hiccups so I could be super tall.
srbesta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid it made perfect sense to me that scientists should use suicidal people in life-threatning experiments. In case they died, hey that's what they wanted anyway.
Clayere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I performed blood magic with a candle that I could get whatever I wanted
When i was younger i didn't know what "special effects" were so when people died in movie i thought they got suicidal people to die on acreen for the actor.
Sqeaky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone once told me that while flying moths threw a special dust that left people blind, so I spent the better part of my childhood being an asshole and killing then mercilessly believing I was being a hero. If reincarnation is real I'll probably come back as a moth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that at any time Jehovah would bring down Armageddon on the earth and my whole family would get to live in paradise, without me, because I liked to touch my peeny in the bathtub.
Religious parents told me that I have to be good and follow gods word or I'll die in a fiery Armageddon. Advice : Don't say that to your young child or they will be fucked up for life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my parents told me that spitting can get you arrested. I still get nervous when spitting near people. I feel like they'll... report me..
The rib-woman, the talking snake, Noah's ark..... That I was lucky enough to be one or the privileged, chosen few who had a chance at eternal happiness. I swallowed everything the nuns fed me!
Kamades ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Up until I was about 12 I seriously believed that people who didn't speak/understand my language also could not hear me speak. Yeah, it took me that long to realize if I could hear them and not understand them, the same went for them.
Also, back in the early 80's my Uncle had an auto garage. My parents would never let me go hang out there because everything was hot. I didn't understand why my Uncle would keep all this stuff around that people could get burned on. It just seemed very unsafe to me.
When people said "you know what they say" I thought there was just a community of people somewhere that thought up idioms and sayings for people to use in their lives.
I also thought that there was a race of people with fishbowls for heads, because my dad had a counting crows CD ("this desert life") that I listened to growing up.
My wife use to believe that chipmunks were baby squirrels. They just lost their spots when they got older, "just like deer and pigs". She didn't realize they were different animals until High School.
When I was about 8/9 years old (early 70's) there was a girl down the street that was a few years older than me and we used to take turns having sleepovers. One time I was staying at her house and her relatives were visiting from another state. The parents were all sitting around the living room and kitchen area playing cards or dominoes and were speaking what I later learned was French Cajun. I had never heard a foreign language before and I asked the girl's mom why they were all speaking in cursive.
I had heard that if you put a magnifying glass in direct sunlight that it would start a fire, so naturally I thought that if you left one out in moonlight it would cause water to fill up the area.
That whenever they pull you over in Louisiana they flip your car over and start growing drugs out of it. Still afraid to drive through louisiana with Texas plates
Really late to the party but wth. As a kid, I believed that action replays involved players redoing what they did, but repeatedly and slowly.
I was always amazed how players could replicate the steps they did, including the drops, the tackles etc. And hence, replays did not exist when we were playing cos we all sucked and didn't know how do repeat what we did, accurately.
When I was about 4 this "big kid" who was my neighbor. Had this little Chihuahua. He told me that when the dog got too excited her eyes would pop out and he would have to dip them in water and put them back in. I'm not proud to admit that I believed that about Chihuahuas until about 10.
My dad would point at trees when I was really little and whisper: "DJ, do you see the elephant up there? Do you???" Me nor wanting to look stupid or dissapoint him, would assure him I did. It would always piss me off though that I could never find them.
My mother and my sister are both left handed. Me, my brother and my dad are all right handed. I thought women were all left handed and men were all right handed. I didn't get off the farm much as a boy.
I used to believe people went into the manholes in the middle of intersections at about 1 or 2 AM and proceed to control the above stop light for the next 24 hrs, until shift change. Yup...
Duddyfx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My gf believed in bathroom spirits. She's Thai (superstitious people) and would always have to sing in the shower otherwise the spirits would take her away.
Book8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my cousins head fell off. I swear to this day that i saw that. His head was crying so i called my dad and he was trying to put it back on. He couldn't cause the bottom of my cousin's neck looked like the bottom of a soup can.
Eye_Pod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced automatic flushing toilets were a camera watching you pee and someone back there flushing it for you when you were done. I wouldn't use them.
My parents are both teachers. My parents also have the same birthday (2 years apart, but the same date). I grew up believing that everyone's parents had the same job and the same birthday. If i ever wanted to have kids, I would have had o found someone who had the same job and same birthday.
I can vividly remember the moment I realised the implications of money being a limited resource. I recall asking my mum to buy me something from a store on a shopping trip (a toy or something), and I remember being confused when she suggested money was a limited resource. I understood how money worked, and I understood that my Dad went to work every day to earn money for our family, but up until that point, I genuinely assumed everyone must have had a couple of million dollars in savings. I just couldn't fathom that society would just let some people have significantly more resources than other people.
Safe to say, I'm now a full-flown leftard, commie-loving socialist who's all about prioritising human rights over political or ecnomic agendas.
My great grandmother was very superstitious and spiritual and used to believe in all kinds of things. In her garden, she had a gazebo in between two large trees and she used to hang all of these toy fairies up in the branches and sit in her gazebo and sing to them. When I was younger (up until the age of about 10) I used to believe in fairies because of that. She also believed in mermaids and I used to believe that she was a mermaid that had turned into a human.
I wholeheartedly believed all adults had mind reading powers. I thought when I reached a certain age I would be disclosed of these so called powers and I would then have them. My parents always seemed to know everything I did, and stuff I got away with. So to me, it didn't seem far fetched.
For the longest time I was sure that sun and moon were the some thing just less bright at night, till one evening when I saw the moon and sun was still setting, it blew my mind
My ridiculous belief as a child was that god was actually the dude from the beginning of Aladdin(yes I know the fan theory that was confirmed that this it was the genie) calmly sitting cross-legged and sewing dolls that would become people before they're born.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Girls are boys who haven't grown penises yet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that one puff of a cigarette will make you severely addicted, that trying drugs once automatically leads to horrible addiction.. it's just not the case it's more of a habit thing and no self control.. eventually they have you but it's not instant like school made it out to be.
One day when I was younger I wanted something from my grandpa and I was too young to realize that a) he was talking to somebody and b) interrupting people was rude. So I kept trying to get his attention and eventually he just turned around and smacked me in the back of the head.
I ran to my mom and she said something along the lines of "yeah, if you make grandpa mad he'll smack your head clean off your head." So for a long time I avoided my grandpa because I was scared of making him mad. I knew it took a lot to make him mad for real, especially when I was that young, but I didn't want to take chances.
Of course, my grandpa thought it was just little kids being little kids, avoiding the scary manly grandparent and gravitating towards the loving gentle grandparent. But nope, I was legitimately terrified that he would take my head off, and I grew up never wanting to hang out with him all because my mom decided to word something a certain way...
That the world would flood if you plugged the sink or bathtub and let the water run. I think the fear started after watching home alone when the 'wet bandits' flooded the basement by stuffing rags in the sinks.
From childhood to young adult, I thought ends meet was endsmeat, as in a really super cheap cut of meat. As in, he had to work three jobs just to make endsmeat.
When I saw old television shows in black and white my logic as a child was that it was like that because no one had invented the colors yet. Not just for the TV but for the whole world.
As if before I was born the whole world was in black and white and kinda grey
By sleeping in the same bed as someone, even if they were the same sex, I could get pregnant.
By showering with someone, just showering, you could get pregnant, even if they were the same sex.
I think I held those beliefs until I was around eight and my sister got one of those books you give to your kids if you don't want to talk with them about sex.
I've also been terrified of someone breaking into my house and murdering me since I was six or seven. My solution to this "problem"? First it was to sleep with pillows over my body, completely under the covers except for a small space to breathe. Eventually I rationalized that you could shoot or stab through a pillow rather easily, so I decided to sleep between my mattress and my wall, sideways, on a box spring, because then the bed wouldn't look like there was a person in it. When I finally realized that you could see the mattress hanging over the box spring I decided to sleep in the closet. I don't remember exactly when I stopped having that one.
I thought that fireworks were simply massive crayons with large amounts of plastic explosives strapped to them. These would be fired out of a cannon connected to a computer that looked something like this. There was an accident one year at the local fireworks show, so rather than telling me that a guy got his face half blown off, they just told me that the machine broke.
aryzach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't really believe in Santa at this point, or I was in the in between stages of is he real or not, and if I said this certain phrase asking Santa for a toy, that I would get it. Lots of commercials on tv, and I wouldn't necessarily want it, but I'd quietly mumble this phrase. There was something satay ing about saying it, even if I didn't really think I wanted the toy. And I didn't even necessarily believe it would work, it just became a habitual thing I'd do if I kinda wanted something present-like.
aryzach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought having sex was just putting it in then sleeping like that
When I was a kid my dad (courier driver at the time) told me about how a huntsman was on the roof of his car and jumped on him through the window while he was driving one day. In my mind I pictured Van Pelt from Jumanji attacking my dad through his window while he was driving.. it was a few years before I realised my mistake.
My grandma convinced me that baby ducklings follow their mother because her butt looks like a giant bread crumb. I eventually grew out of this misconception, but I recently brought it up in coversation with some peers, assuming that everyone had been told this. I was wrong.
My parents taught me and my sibling to chew before swallowing by saying "chew, chew, chew, swallow!". It led me to believe I could only chew 3 times before I swallowed. I choked on my food numerous times before they figured it out.
I believed, up until fifth grade, that I was created in a lab to eventually save the world with some sort of super powers.
aryzach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the people in high school and college were so cool and all have great cool beach chill lives with good vibes and good people pretty much everyday. Or at least we're just cool and loved hanging out. It's true but it's more stressful than that
ianme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was afraid that if you made the shower too hot, it would eventually shoot out flames instead of water.
The orange balls on telephone wires, Google it. As a kid, I thought if ever there was a great flood (like Noah from the good book you hear at Sunday school) those orange balls would float and keep the wires out of the water. Then after I grew up more, I realized they were just to keep the squirrels from crossing from one telephone pole to the next.
When I was a kid in the 70s the Green River Killer was on the loose. My mom and I just pulled into a grocery store parking lot as the newscaster on the radio was talking about him. I asked my mom what was wrong with him. She just said "he's sick in the head." Well, before my last puke I ate Bean w/bacon soup so my puke looked like Bean w/bacon soup. So I just assumed the Green River Killer had Bean w/bacon soup puke in his head.
nxrvxus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my dad was a walking encyclopedia of every band that has ever existed. I believed this until I was about 9.
I took words literally when it came to phonetics. I thought a catalog was a book of nothing but pictures of cats sitting on logs. Make-up tests meant I would be made to have make up put on me and people would judge how well I looked in it.
As for serial killer, that one confused me. I didn't know if that meant they liked to kill people using cereal, they killed people while they ate cereal, they killed people and then ate their cereal, or they killed people and then left cereal there as their calling card.
I had to give my 18 year old girlfriend an astronomy lesson because her dad told her when the big dipper was tipped that meant it was going to rain. She was convinced when it tipped that meant it was going to rain. She's very observant
Way too late to this but whatever. Whenever someone in a movie or TV show would die, I thought they used death row inmates as stunt doubles and that they really died. Didn't realize they could fake a death.
I noticed that I tended to feel down when it was overcast or rainy outside. Then I reversed caused and effect and reasoned that me feeling down caused it to be overcast/rain.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad convinced me that Michael and Janet Jackson were one and the same. They never had an album out at the same time, looked similar enough back then, I fell for it completely.
I always believed there was this creepy weird looking person following me around wherever I went. If I went to Disney world he would be there, Seattle.. I would see him there; some foreign country. ..I'd still see his face in the crowd. For years this guy haunted me and followed me everywhere. It always really freaked me out until I found out it was different people with downs syndrome.
moeph0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would somehow change the world in some capacity. Currently, I am not changing the world. Not at all.
When I was little my step dad explained to me that "eau de toilette" (toilet water) Cologne was from Africa and that since they apperently ate a lot of flowers there poop smelt good and that was what the Cologne was. Only recently did I realise how ridiculous this was.
When I was younger I was under the impression that people actually died in the movies and shows. I knew they were movies and shows and not live videos, but I guess I didn't put it together. It wasn't until I started recognizing the same actors in other projects that my 7 or 8 year old brain finally put it together.
My mother told me growing up that Mary's lamb from "Mary had a little lamb" was eaten alive by her lamb, so I spent my entire childhood scared to death of lambs. All my mother had to do was say "lambs" and I'd immediately cry :/
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was about 4 yrs old, I didn't realize people could die. I thought everyone in the world lived forever. Realizing my mother would one day be gone forever was a terrifying experience, and I constantly would ask her to please not die.
First, I believed at one point all the world was literally black and white, like on TV. Then one day, WHAM, like Wizard of Oz, everything was in color. And that was why old stuff was B&W, and new stuff was in color.
Second, for some reason also, everyone chewed with their mouth open. Then, like The Day of Colorization, everyone grew up and started to chew with their mouth closed.
Bonus: Santa was God's brother, and God was jealous all the kids loved Santa more.
I was devastated upon encountering these cookies at a birthday party and finding out they had no magic. At first I explained the lack of a reaction because I was already at a party.
I really believed that parts of myself were robotic. I have no idea why. It persisted into high school. I didn't act like a robot or anything, but the idea was always in the back of my mind.
I used to think airplanes had super, SUPER long hoses that some poor chap on the ground had to rush and screw, and unscrew, at everyone's houses directly underneath. And that's how they got water for drinking and for the toilet... which, obviously, was immediately dumped. Like birds.
nirgle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:18:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hills were hidden garbage
All dust fell off the moon
All clouds came from Niagara Falls
My brother's face would stay the way he contorted it (pure disinformation)
Dealerships were supposed to hide money in the car so for months you would find a $20 bill just randomly (no idea where this one came from)
Our pediatrician was named Dr. Chua, but we often saw an associate instead, so I never saw her. My brother always called her Dr. Chew-a-bone, so I believed she was a giant bipedal St. Bernard in a white coat.
That I could see air. And sometimes as an adult it's still seemingly true. Like fog only at much higher than the dew point. I can't explain it but I see something. As a kid I definitely could.
For some odd reason, I legitimately thought that pictures of outer space were taken from helicopters that flew upwards into space (Protected by a glass shield to breath) and snapped photos like a news-reporter does. I still have no clue how that idea came to be, but it's my favorite "I was dumb as a child" memory.
Not me, but when my youngest sister was about four, she would often rush through a bath so that she could get back to playing with her toys. One night she got out with soap suds all over her because she didn't rinse well enough, and my father told her the soap people were going to come for her in the night. According to him, the soap people would come in through her window, take her away, and chop her up and make her into soap. She didn't really react at first when she was told that.
One night, my family was going to dinner and my mom told my sister to take a bath before we left. She was in there for a while so my mom went and told her to get out of the tub NOW because we were leaving and we were going to leave her there. My sister had a complete fucking meltdown and starting screaming about the soap people. She was crying hysterically and saying "I DON'T WANT THE SOAP PEOPLE TO COME!!! THEY WILL CHOP ME UP, THEY'LL CHOPPPP ME UPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" My mom didn't know anything about what my dad told my sister, so that was a lot of fun for her to deal with.
My dad just sat back and laughed.
guaibro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up in a small city in British Columbia which has a big pulp mill. The mill had a huge steam tower which I firmly believed was the 'cloudmaker' until age 6 or so.
My grandma told my dad that she didn't like him running because he only had a certain amount of heartbeats in his life and that sped them up, thus making his life shorter.
I also thought white bread gave you cancer because that's what my Mom told me. It worked, I still only buy wheat bread at age 26.
That condoms were used by men to take away feelings of wanting to have sex, thus preventing pregnancy. (I'm not totally sure that I knew condoms prevented pregnancy, though)
As a kid I thought that vampires were monsters made out of fire and that they'll burn you alive. I had this belief because I also thought that the word vampire was spelled "vamfire".
I was convinced that all cats were female and all dogs were male and when they mated, the girls were always kittens and the boys were obviously the puppies.
Blew my mind when we got a female puppy when I was 7. Blew. My. Mind.
My young child-mind didn't care about the gaping holes in this reasoning.
My family lives all over the world and I assumed that they stopped whenever I wasn't around. Literally just froze until I landed in their country so that they could prep for my visit. I was a little self centered, apparently.
When I was little I was riding in the passenger seat of the car with my dad, and I was touching the buttons on the radio and such. I went to touch the button that releases the parking break and my dad yelled at me to stop, and told me that if I pressed that button, it would eject our seats through the roof of the car. I'm ashamed of how long it took me to realize that was not a real thing.
CUNTRY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the dog that mauled me and ripped the nose off my face was sent away to live on a farm.
When I was about five I printed blank computer paper thinking I was creating more paper.
Dr-Wolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't wait to have a kid and tell him big fabricated lies about the world. I still do this to other adults, but it's not nearly as satisfying when they call you out on your bullshit.
Man Dad told me that a "clutch" was a small animal that lived inside the gear shift in his truck that changed the gears for him and he fed it by shoving bread down the shifter. I believed this for years.
I thought all boys were older than all girls, because my dad was older than mom. So, j thought my big brother was also older than my mom. 28 years old, I was.
I believed that Vampires lived in toilets, and as a result was terrified to use the toilet of a night time for fear one would bite my bum. Kid logic!
Khaella ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that cartoon characters were real. Like Who Framed Roger Rabbit kind of where the cartoon world was made up but the characters went home to their families at night and recording episodes was their day job.
Not me, but an ex believed well into her 20s that farmers in the country of her birth would wear melons on their head like helmets to stay cool in the fields in the summer. Her dad had told her this and she reported it to me as God's own truth. She asked her dad about it and he claimed never to have said such a ridiculous thing. I hope to troll someone so well some day.
My grandma and mother told my sister and me, that if we swallowed watermelon seeds we would get pregnant. My sister swallowed one by accident and started crying hysterically. I was laughing at her and telling her she was pregnant now. She grabbed me, held me down, shoved a seed in my mouth, and held my mouth closed until I swallowed it. My mom and grandma had a good laugh when we both went crying to them.
I was certain that people had to marry each other if their names matched. Henry & Henrietta is a good example. If you couldn't find a person whose name matched yours, you weren't allowed to get married.
I used to think that people where either reincarnations of a T-rex or a sauropod. Depending on the length of a persons neck. I believed this until middle school.
lovewvu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the Underground Railroad was literally a train running underground. I was amazed that a train system could be built under ground without everyone knowing about it. I think I finally discovered the truth in junior high. Yeah, I was pretty stupid for that.
That when they said on the weather forecast something like "60% chance of rain", that meant it would rain for 60% of the day and be sunny the other 40%.
MHG73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I overheard my dad say that you only get so many breaths in life, and I thought that he meant there's a specific number and once you reach that number, you just die. So if I breathed really fast, like while excercising, I was bringing myself closer to death.
My dad works in the navy. So when I was a kid there was a huge statue of three ships near our home and I thought my dad worked there
Animosu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crossing your arms while sleeping will cause you to have a nightmare. Would always make someone reposition themselves if I thought they were going to fall asleep like that.
I used to get so mad because u thought my imagination didn't work right. I thought I should actually be able to see and interact with the things I was imagining, like on TV shows and movies when the characters imagine.
Not only were roads around when dinosaurs existed, but them walking on the roads created the cracks you would see in the pavement/driveways here and there.
I thought my handy uncle invented Murphy beds because they had the first one I'd ever seen and Murphy is their last name. Then again, I told my brother one day I'd be older than him and I'd beat HIM up.
I live in Las Vegas. We had a hotel-casino here called The Sahara. When I was in first grade, we learned about The Sahara desert and how large it was. I thought that the dirt lot across the street from the hotel was The Sahara Desert. I remember being completely unimpressed with what everybody thought was a large desert.
I had a babysitter when I was really young. I remember (for some reason lol) that she said she was going to the restroom. I have never heard that term, but I pictured it as some calm room with a white bed that you laid down in to rest. :)
TommyCX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the dick had bones in it... I was told that I was wrong in 10th grade.
That every Good Friday was cloudy and rainy (it wasn't so I have literally no clue how this worked to me honestly) because God was mourning on the anniversary of Jesus's death.
I also thought it was very possible that there were secret rooms in my house, in areas that could not possibly exist because they clearly right next to the outside. Like I had no concept of connecting the way my house looked outside from the way it looked inside.
I used to think white people would eventually turn into black people. I don't know if it was because my dad was really tan or something else. I got super disappointed when one of my friends wasn't turning into a black person and I was bummed out that I wouldn't turn into black person. That's when I moved on to believing a girl when she said she was a witch and I had x-ray vision. I swear to god I was completely retarded the first few years of my life.
I learned how to read when I was really young and figured out that most of my toys were made in China. I was terrified that angry Chinese people were going to break into my room and steal the toys back.
The shining (tv series) messed me up for a few years. The part where the kid goes into the bathroom and pulls back the shower curtain, the green chick gets out of the bathtub and starts walking towards him. Yeah. When I woke in the night to go piss, I always stood on the one side of the tilet so that bitch couldn't sneak up behind me, also I didn't flush and tiptoed out so as not to disturb her. 4 year old me Said fuck that noise
Late but... Both my parents were lawyers so I just assumed that when people said adult they meant lawyers, so when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would insist that I wanted to be an adult
Dad told me that once when he was a kid, a sewer rat came up through the sewage pipe into the toilet bowl and tried to bite his butt. So, for most of my childhood, I was terrified of a nasty sewer rat appearing in the toilet bowl and biting a chunk of my butt off.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad convinced me that picking my scabs would give me cancer. I believed that until my late teens.
I grew up in a city with a clean coal power plant, and thought the smokestacks made the clouds. When I drive by there even still today, the white smoke looks like clouds to me.
Since the Harry Potter and the philosophers stone movie came out, I always thought wherever a large area covered in shadow the troll from the movie was out to get me.
My dad likes to tell a story I don't even remember believing. Apparently when I was a child I told him that I knew how "leafs get on trees" and that when old people die they crawl up a tree to the end of branches and turn into a leaf. He told this story in his speech at my wedding. It was terrible.
I used to think that the bone that sticks out of your back when you touch your spine was there when they clipped your angel wings before you were born.
When my mom on was pregnant with me, my sister (who was five at the time) thought I was going to be a devil child when I was born because of the X-Files episode. She cried a lot.
Late to the party, so this will probably get buried, but here goes:
TL;DR: I used to think that men grew multiple penises as they got older.
When I was 5 or 6 (maybe 7, IDK), I used to think that men grew multiple penises as they got older. I'm female, and (thankfully) had never seen a grown man's penis at that point in my life.
I had seen a cow's udder, and I had seen my cousins' (shaddap, it wasn't like that) single-nozzle 'equipment'... I put 2 and 2 together, and decided that the larger bulge in the pants must be from multiple 'nozzles'...
As a child I believed that God pulled a blanket over the earth so we would go to sleep and that stars were little holes that the sun could still shine through.
My older brother convinced me when I was a kid that baby corn, despite its obvious looks, was not little corn but actually sea urchin. I believed this until I was in college.
iWhisky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that clouds are made of garbage because my father told me so, and that every single country was an island.
Not me, but my younger sister. When she was 3 she got the chicken pox and when my mom told her what she had she screamed and cried because she thought she would turn into a chicken
As a child, I looked at concrete sidewalks that glittered in the evening, and was absolutely convinced that the builders were thoughtfully installing streetlights for pigeons...
I thought printers made free paper. When I visited my mom's work, I just kept spamming the print button. I thought I was saving the environment. Then I found out it just lays ink on paper.
I also thought cows made cheese and yogurt. I'd imagine some cow shooting strawberry yogurt out of its udders. I also didn't know only female cows could be milked.
I was a C-Section baby and knew it for as long as I can remember. Problem was that I didn't know that C-Sections weren't the norm, so I assumed all babies had to be born by cutting the mom open. I don't remember when or how I learned about regular births but it was a long time. At least I wasn't the kid from my middle school who believed that moms poop babies out their butt hole. He swore by it because his "mom told him so."
My sister told me one time that if you ate the "Magic Shell" chocolate syrup that you put on your ice cream before it hardened, that it would permanently harden inside your stomach. She told me this as I was eating unhardened Magic Shell. I believed her and spit it all out. She also told me the thing about watermelon seeds turning into watermelons in your stomach while I was eating watermelon and I believed her.
My ex girlfriend told me she believed for a long time that cartoon characters were actually people in costumes being filmed.
Magzire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought we live inside the planet, was 4 or something
For a brief period after learning a lot about dinosaurs, I convinced myself that dinosaurs weren't actually extinct, they were just "really far away," living in deserts, in regions of the world we hadn't discovered. The first kid I told this to agreed with me, and I felt awesome and smart. But then I think I tried to convince my cool aunt, and she set my ass straight.
I believed that chocolate milk came from black cows and Holstein cows, and strawberry milk came from the rusty red cows. I would get into arguments with friends and family until I was about 6 years old.
I genuinely believed that if you held a large shell to your ear you could hear the ocean, that somehow shells had both capacity to capture sound and play it back...
A friend in elementary school told me once that the devil would come up through your floor at night and take you to hell if you lied. Then the next day he'd come back and close up the hole..... thaaaaats kind of fucked up now that I think about it, but I believed her and was scared at night for a little bit.
My parents have the same middle name, spelled the same way and eveything. As a child, I thought that everyone had to have the same middle name in order to get married. This not only concerned me because my middle name is feminine and I'd have a difficult time finding a gentleman with the same name, but also because I go by my middle name. I worried about the inevitable confusion that would ensue between myself and my future husband for quite some time.
Bonus: I also thought deviled eggs were "doubled" eggs because you cut them in half. I feel like my reasoning was pretty sound.
PcPhile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that my dad was a rodeo star.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember watching a lot of television, and when people died on television I thought they died in real life. I always was confused when watching things like deadliest warrior because I had no idea the kind of editing and trickery people could do to make it seem so realistic.
When I was little, maybe preschool age, I was always puzzled by the fact that the picture frames in the store already had pictures in them. I have this really clear memory that my understanding at the time is that the reason there are SO MANY frames in all the stores that sell picture frames is that you have to go looking for the pictures of people that look like you and your people. I thought there were so many people in the world and so many different picture frames, ready filled with pictures, that at some point you would be in a store and find one that looks a bit like your family. It's one of those incredibly strange, dream-like childhood beliefs that has stuck with me. I don't remember when I grew out of it or where I possibly got that idea from but I still look at picture frames in stores a bit too long to this day and wonder about the stock photos in them. Who are those people? Will the matching family find their frame one day?
EB8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was six or seven, I thought that if you didn't have any money, you just wrote a check and that was the end of it. I didn't realize that checks were money.
I had seen the movie Ghost, and was wowed by how the beam of light took him up to heaven. For a while, whenever I saw a ray of sunshine through the clouds (like this), I thought that it was people who had died and were being beamed up to heaven.
When I was very young, I vividly remember re-inflating a helium balloon I got from a fair with my own breath and being extremely confused as to why it wasn't floating.
Girls would love you if you are super nice all the time.
nsew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that after people would get married and went on their honeymoon, they would get to their condo, pull their pants down and Moon the people on the beach. Didn't think twice about it, it was just what you did, it was right.
I used to think that if I fell asleep with my head under the covers, I'd have nightmares. Ironically enough, the few times where I did that, I actually did have nightmares.
I once got a happy meal with my dad. As he was driving he drank some soda. I was in like the first grade and I remember d.a.r.e. was a really big thing then. I was very serious, I said, "dad, don't drink and drive". He busted out laughing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a little kid (about three or four years old), I watched the movie Space Jam religiously, and I ended up becoming a huge fan of Michael Jordan because of it. I decided that I wanted to be Michael Jordan when I grew up, and thought that all I had to do for that to happen was get really good at basketball. I didn't quite understand that, no matter how good I was at basketball, I'd never be able to cross the race barrier to become black.
This is pretty late so it'll probably just get buried, but as a child I was convinced that armadillos were invisible until they died. I literally did not see a live armadillo until I was 16 years old but have seen dead ones on the road all the time.
I thought people really died in violent movies. If someone got shot in a movie, that was it, dead.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that women would grow beards to the same extent as men, and that every girl would shave like 3 times a day or something ridiculous like that to never have any sign of facial hair.
I thought when you went through puberty that you would grow a third testicle. Dr. Evil counts three testicles when he gets hit by the asteroid in Austin Powers 3 and I was too young to realize that it was a joke. I didn't know I was wrong until around 10 or 11.
My mother told me that if I drank anything red while I was sick that I would throw up no matter what. I think it was only because she didn't want my siblings and I to drink the red kool-aid.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was really little, I though the radio was actual bands playing live. No one told me different and I always wanted to go to the radio station to see them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I picked a scab 'til it fell off, I'd have to get my arm amputated.
I know I'm late, but I thought that you had three compartments: food, desert, and miscellaneous. This is how I justified wanting desert and not dinner.
I was told by my mum and a few other family members that Moths can eat / nibble away at your big toe. I dont really know why but I believed it until i was about 8/10
I legitimately thought that God was my father, not just in a metaphorical sense. Growing up attending a strict Catholic school we learnt that we were all "children of God", unfortunately I took this literally and whenever somebody asked what my father's name was, I would say God. I was about 8 when I learnt it was just a figure of speech.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that their were only 5 parts of the human body that collated with our existence.
That words for small quantities like few, couple, several, described a quantity of the same amount of items as there are letters in the corresponding word. If I had three M&M's I'd had a few, but if I'd eaten seven, that was several.
When I was around 5 or 6 I thought that everyone learned to pee standing up when they grew up, so I tried to pee standing up cause I figured I was a "big kid" and it was time.
I have a vagina so it did not go well.
rain-67 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought backup singers were there to remind the singer what the words were because they'd repeat the lyrics.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that everything was in black in white until sometime in the 60's (obv. because all video from that time was in b&w). I remember asking my mom about it when I was about 7 or 8 and being frustrated because I couldn't communicate my question to her properly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine aren't nearly as comical as the rest:
I seriously believed I was going to die over the summer after 5th grade, because I couldn't imagine myself in middle school, dealing with changing classes and having a locker.
Also: I knew that my dad had been married once before he met my mom. So when I found a picture in the family photo album of some baby I didn't recognize, I became convinced I had a secret half-sister that no one was telling me about.
When I was about 6, my father had a cigar cutter in his hand and I asked what it was since I never seen such a device. He told me it was used to cut fingers off. I believed that until I was 19 since I've never really seen a person smoke a cigar and use one. Lets just say my dad laughed his ass off when I told him this newly found information while I felt like a dumbass.
Everytime there was a loud bang or bright flash, I looked for a mushroom cloud and waited to get roasted. All sand was quicksand too..
The 60's sucked with the 'duck and cover' public service ads.
When I was little and watched movies I distinctly remember thinking that every person that appeared for the slightest moment in the movie had at least one movie made about themselves. So every time there was a scene with a huge crowd I always thought that there were thousands of movies about each one of those people. I thought everyone had a movie that they were the main character of.
My closest friend in lower school told me that this girl wanted to give another friend of ours a blow job. I was pretty sheltered and too afraid to ask at that age what a blow job was, so I continued to believe that it was being paid for blowdrying her hair... Man, my eyes were opened when I learned it involved the peen
I had really dry itchy skin (thanks eczema) and my aunt convinced me the sound of me itching at night would attract mice and make them crawl up the bed. Mice crawling on my bed is still an illogical fear I have today at 20.
My older sister admitted to think the the Badlands in South Dakota were were people abandoned their bad children. She told me tbis over 20 yrs after our family vacation to that park.
Somehow i had the idea that you had like two esophagus (tubes in the throat). One was for food down to the stomach and one was where what you drank would go down.
Not sure where i thought the liquid/drinks ended up but since you have separate solid and liquid waste coming out one end it made sense to me that like your mouth/throat kinda automatically send both down a different systems.
In Vancouver Canada we have a food chain called white spot that serves burgers. I thought they were straight up racist and only white people were aloud. I asked my father why we came here as I didn't like this as a 6 year old....then he broke it to me that it's just the name.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late, but as a kid I thought that the Mucinex mucus people would jump out of anywhere and infect me with cooties
Growing up we frequently visited my grandmother who lived near DIA (Denver International Airport). I would always look out the car window and stare at http://imgur.com/GWhyjCY these weird things in the fields surrounding her home. When I asked my grandma what they were, for whatever reason, she told me "That's where the president goes to buy his groceries." I believed Aurora to be full of strange geodesic POTUS-Marts for an embarassingly long time.
I watched a lot of bad "cop" shows back in the 70's. Based on what I saw, I thought that fire escapes were basically there to give criminals a way to escape - yes, I knew they were called "fire escapes," but as I had never seen them used for their intended purpose, I just never thought about the name. I even asked my mother one day they would put them on buildings if criminals were bad people.... she got a bit of a laugh. I grew up in the suburbs, so, again, the only real exposure I had to them was through bad tv.
Acode37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid and had a cold, I thought the green snot I blew into the tissue was my brain coming out. I would freak out. I was a little idiot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Any artist has to burn his/her drawings (if resembles human being) before the drawings demand the artist to give them his/her soul so they can be alive... it only happens if the artist is dying. Which made my younger self slept in trepidation for several months.
But then I read about cartoon makers, manga authors, and other comic book drawers, which lead a life normally, without being bothered to burn their collections. Since then I kept my drawing collection in peace.
That the fire hydrant "planted" behind our swimming pool was there to reduce our fire insurance on the house. Turns out my dad always wanted to have a fire hydrant and bought one off a demolition site. Mom was not amused when he finally let on it was just for show. Dad humor, what can you do?
When I was a child, I believed the Earth to be shaped like a peanut. The equator was closer to the Earth's core and therefore warmer than the rest of the world, while the poles were so far away, and that's why they were frozen.
I thought that if I shook the TV during an Emergency Test Broadcast, the newscasters would report an earthquake. I guess I thought the newscasters lived in the TV or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought movies were real life. That someone with a camera followed the lead his whole life and then released the tapes. I was astonished at how many wives this one particular guy had, and that he lead secret multiple lives.
When listening to CDs, I imagined tiny people playing the music in the CD player.
Also, as a german native, I thought there was a chance that the explorer's icon on my grandpa's pc's desktop might have to do with "explodieren" (explode) so I was afraid of clicking it.
Afraid and curious.
Edit: formatting.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young, I thought my dad was actually a decent human being. Now I realize he's just an alcoholic that likes to drink and drive. In addition to being a giant racist.
I used to think that when a pregnancy was at its end, the baby would literally just come sliding out and it wouldn't put a stop to your day. I also asked my mother if babies could explode inside of your body and for quite some time believed this to be true. What the hell is wrong with me...
I used to think that because I didn't notice myself breathing, it must mean that I hold my breath all day!
Then I would sit down and consciously try to hold my breath as long as possible. When I noticed that I only lasted 10 seconds or so, I came to the logical conclusion: I must only be able to hold my breath when I am not paying attention to it!
I am not an intelligent person....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everyone had dicks, and that when people had their wedding day kiss they were inseminated with a 3rd trimester baby instantly. To this day vaginas seems weird.
I thought ramen noodles were called Soup-A-Guy. That's what I called it as a kid, my parents thought it was cute and called it that too. Went to a friend's place and was asked what flavor ramen I wanted. I told them that what they were making was actually Soup-A-Guy. Very hard to save face after that one.
Do you know those white plastic devices in pizza boxes with 3 or 4 legs connected to a circular top? I always thought they were mini-tables meant for your pizza.
carlyhs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a little girl in first grade, I couldn't learn about Abraham Lincoln because I thought that I was the one who killed him.
Kissing was so gross that only married couples could be persuaded to do it. Meaning every time a scriptwriter wrote a kiss, they had to find a pair of married actors to play the parts.
I thought cattle guards were cattle egrets because the egrets and always walking around cattle. Cattle guards are the pipes to stop cattle from getting through an open gate.
My mom told me that sperm have teeth and that people scream during sex because the sperm are biting them. I eventually figured it out at some point. Ironically, I grew up to be a lesbian. Sometimes I mess with my mom and tell her that this story is the reason why I turned out gay.
I used to believe that if I took really small sips that I could breathe trace amounts of oxygen from water.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend who thought the ice cream truck was all out of ice cream when it played music (her parents told her this).
I also thought people got pregnant by simply praying for a baby. I would get so confused when I would hear women talk about how they were having trouble conceiving - I thought the solution was obvious, they just needed to pray harder.
I thought my uncle's first name was Tio. I didn't put 2 and 2 together until about 6th grade when my Spanish teacher went over the family names on the first day of class. Doy.
Was convinced women peed from their butt until I was 12.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I touched any kind of leaf, a small lizard would come out of it and eat me. My mom unsuccessfully tried to habituate me to leaves because of this fear.
That having body hair aa a dude was the result of having too much body fat.
I grew up in the 80s, and Schwarzenegger and Stallone and all these dudes were ripped as hell, just like all the comic book superheroes. Surely body hair == fat.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought that God was watching me 24/7 so I would often try to cover myself while I used the bathroom. As a precursor to my showers I would politely ask God not to look. I masturbated for the first time at age 17, after I lost my virginity.
edit: for the record I'm pretty sure even if I were still a Christian I would find that goofy. I'm not trying to join the 3edgy5me atheist contingent here!
I was not a sociable child and felt like the world was centered on myself due to my youthful tunneled world view. I would have rants about my problems to an invisible audience, that was centered on me.
I thought the ripples in flowing rivers were crocodiles....I live in rural Canada.
-Rena- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think you could marry your sibling. One day I ended up mentioning this to some girl at my school and she gave me the weirdest look. And thus, I realized that incest was wrong.
I also used to believe that you could get pregnant by kissing. I guess I wasn't a very smart child. :/
When I was very young, and we would wait at traffic lights, my parents would start blowing air at the lights right before they would change. I copied them, and they always told me "blow the light green" when we were stopped and had waited a good amount of time. I thought that I was magic. 90% sure that this was the start of a huge childhood superiority complex.
I thought that younger and older Michael Jackson were different people, and based off of his voice during the Jackson 5 era, I pictured what was actually young Michael Jackson as Lindsay Lohan.
liza321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that vampires lived in the toilet and they would wake up every time I flushed... I would wash my hands, flush, and then run as fast as I could...
I thought that women gave birth to girls and men gave birth to boys. I was totally flabbergasted when my parents told me that my mom had me (female) and my brother.
I used to believe in an imaginary man who would reward good children and punish bad children. I believed this until I was about 8. But I was a naive kid. I believed in Santa Claus too.
There's this abandoned pub by a railway station near where I live. My dad went to Spain when he was little. I thought that abandoned pub was Spain... for some odd fucking reason.
I cried all night because I couldn't imagine why my dad would be staying in this desolate, rundown building for a week and I felt worried for him.
TasxMia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid, I remember seeing a mini fridge and microwave in my classroom, so I naturally assumed my teacher slept in the classroom and had a wall bed (those beds that pull down from the wall).,
I thought vagina was vachina, like the country, and I couldn't figure out why a body part was named after a country. I even asked my mom when I was like 5. She didn't even understand what I was asking her and was upset I was talking about sex parts.
I thought brothers and sisters had to get married. I freaked out when I found out my cousin wasn't marrying her brother. My mom had to hold in her laughter when explaining things to me, questioning who I, who only had one sister, would marry.
I very calmly told her I knew we would marry the kids of our family friends, who only had boys, as sort of an even exchange. It made sense to me.
I always imagined that the song "It wasn't me" by Shaggy was about two people accidently locked in a bathroom together naked and had to "bang" on the bathroom floor in hopes someone would hear them and help them out. "Picture this we were both but naked banging on the bathroom floor... how could I forget that I had given her an extra key"
For waaay too long did I believe my father when he told me he knew Arnold Schwarzenegger, that they were buddies from his youth, and that his name was actually Arne Nilsson before he changed it. I used to love his movies and as the little naive shit I was, I started believing this, one day I think it was my sister who had to break it to me, utter disappointment followed needless to say.
I remember when I was little, vehemently believing that you can only have one family role in life. If you're a father, that's it, you're a father, you can't also be someone's brother or someone's son.
I remember when my grandma used to call and I once heard my father say "Bye, mum." Confused, I was like "What?... Why did you call her "mum"?" and he said "Because she's my mother, Brianna." and I said "Hahaha, what? You're my dad, what are you talking about? She's not your mum, she's my grandma.".
It resulted in me getting very frustrated with my dad's silliness and I basically thought he was lying to me, which really really pissed me off (I had a tendency to get angry at things I didn't understand when I was little).
From that point forward, whenever I heard him say "Bye, mum.", I'd tell him to stop saying it because it wasn't funny anymore, and my parents would just laugh at me.
Now I realize the ridiculously flawed logic because obviously I was a sister and a daughter, so why could I not put 2 and 2 together?
A few years before going to school, I asked my sister (4 years older than me) why she didn't have a penis like me. She calmly replied that it was because they cut it off when you get to the 1st grade. I remember that I didn't even panic, I think I just accepted it and decided to enjoy those last few years.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That digging a hole in the sand in the playground during recess that would take me through the center of the earth and out the other side to China was possible and could be done by a kindergardener in enough time to finish before the end of recess.
My mom said that if you drink or eat food gone bad you'll get a disease where you poo out your mouth. I was very afraid of food being bad, and have a habit of routinely checking the gone by dates
I honestly believed that everybody was a robot who were controlled by some higher being who had placed me in this position to test me and see the actions I took throughout my lifetime.
When I was little, and riding in the car, every time we passed a sign that said "do not pass" i thought it meant we were not allowed to go past that sign, and since we did i thought we were gonna be in big trouble. I was scared we were gonna get pulled over by the cops.
That bad guys in movies were actual criminals in the real world. These criminals were used to play the bad guy roles, so when they were killed off in the movie, it was doing society a justice.
I knew what sex was, but did not relate it at all to procreation. I thought that when you got married, your body would just know and you'd get pregnant. Needless to say it was really confusing for me when my 17 year old cousin knocked up his girlfriend...
That other people could read my mind. Once in a while it creeps back in when I am out in public and I need to get outside, away from people, asap. I should be on medication...
from watching commercials, i used to think that my head would actually explode into a giant fruit if i ate a Gusher... or if i ate Coco Puffs, everything around me would turn into chocolate. fucking commercials had me terrified of eating these foods
that lock jaw was like the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. I heard about it on a commercial and i learned what it was and i was fucking terrified of it.
That at one time everything was in black and white and that's why older movies were in black and white. I always wondered who it was that discovered color and couldn't imagine living in a world without color
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I always saw movies where there was little / no gravity, people floating in space, etc...
When discussing this with one of my older cousins, I always thought that there was a place that was created by "movie people" where you can flip a switch and gravity would disappear allowing people to perform those scenes.
I was severely disappointed when he told me there was no such thing and that they used different techniques to that seem like there is no gravity. I did not feel shame or embarrassment since I was still a bit young....but yea....
I forgot which movie but one spend quite a lot of money to film inside a dropping airplane to get those weightlessness shots.
mabo516 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay so when I was a small child I would occasionally hear people in real life and in movies say "sorry for your loss" and such. And whenever someone said that I assumed they had actually lost where their relative or deceased was and they were just out in the woods somewhere lost.
I used to think that everyone had brown or black hair (that turned grey or white when you got old) and all blonde and red haired people just had there hair dyed
My Dad worked for Sears, so my Mum ordered almost everything from the Sears catalog. I thought that's how people had babies; they ordered them out of the Sears catalog.
That cars would explode if left running for a while. I was terrified any time my parents would leave me in a running car.
UXM6901 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the underground railroad was an actual railroad underground that transported slaves North if the Mason-Dixon line to freedom. Didn't realize this was untrue until high school.
mabo516 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another belief I had was that dreams were shared among every one of your friends, I had this really cool dream and my friend was in it so I asked my friend about it and he didn't remember seeing what I saw, I still really wish this was true.
As a kid I was too shy to ask how babies were made. But, I thought I could figure it out on my own. So my train of thought went like this: people have kids after they get married, therefor people must create children by the act of marriage itself. So, I thought that when the groom kissed the bride, that's when the baby(ies) were made.
I was told as a child by friends that eating vegetables made you pregnant, went through elementary school avoiding all vegetables in fear of having a veggie baby
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was possible that the bathroom would "blast off" like a rocket if I didnt exit before the toilet stopped flushing. Id wash my hands then press the lever down with my foot and bolt.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was kind of adopted. My parents were always telling me that a bird shit me onto a rock and the sun hatched me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i thought god was real
D197 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed women could only give birth on a full moon. Only one child per full moon, next child had to wait for next month
jrm2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heard the "rapids" when I was about three, asked my mom how "rabbits" could be dangerous to boats-- did they drink up all the water?
The bitch said, "Yes." Not an isolated incident: many times she would apparently be too busy to answer a legitimate question. Like she could have said what rapids were, how rapid was another word for fast. I really wonder if I could have ended up being a brighter kid if my parents gave a shit.
I spent most of my life believing in hagamagers. My father told me that they walked on two legs like people but were kind of short and very hairy. They like to eat little children and were afraid of tall people. My dad's friend even brought over the mounted "head" of a hagamager that my dad said he had hit on the road it was walking with its family and he hit the smallest one. It looked like a hairy human face with cat like eyes and sharp teeth. Finally told me that it wasn't a head it was a mounted deer butt! Made to look like something it wasn't. Thanks a lot dad everyone thought I was crazy when I said the hagamagers going to eat u if you go out at night.
When I was little, I was under the impression that I would grow up and marry my brother (that I didn't have) and my mom and dad would become little kids again, become siblings and they'd be my children. And it was a never ending circle.
In my defense, my mother told me "one day, I'd grow up and she'd be little (shrink from age) and I'd have to take care of her). No clue where the brother stuff came into play..
For the first couple years of school, I somehow developed a belief that the teachers lived at the school, and the teachers lounge was just somewhat of an apartment thingy for all the teachers to live in. I was completely shocked when found out teachers went home to husbands and wives and children of their own.
Thought football players had huge shoulders and legs no pads
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in Santa, God, ghosts, and aliens that visited earth.
D3jaay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a 6 year old, I watched the lion king for the first time. When I watched the scene where scar kills mufasa, I paused the cassette player, called my dad to see if he was good. Then for some time I suspected my uncle was plotting to kill my dad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told the ABC store (alcoholic beverage commission) was the American Business College by my dad. I believed this until I was in high school.
icey888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WWE
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the Power Rangers were real, it kind of hit hard me when my mom casually commented they were actors.
I confused being baptized with being crucified. I was really worried for my little sister when my parents said she'd be baptized right after she was born....
RatJail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents had me convinced that there was a little man inside every traffic light whose job it was to change the light colors.
I mean, how else do they change?
When I was around 6 or 7 I remember being fond of running in circles around a 5' in diameter pole that held the roof in my family's patio. I used to think that if I was fast enough, I would be able to reach a certain velocity in which I would be able to catch myself. I remember doing this almost everyday for months! After a while I realized that I had ran the fastest my little legs would ever allow me to run. I had become an expert at running around a pole but for what? I never caught my self. Not even a glimpse of my back did I ever see..
When I was in primary school my dad told me that life was a test for heaven. This really fucked me up as i thought i was the only real person and everything around me was some kind simulation/test.
I believed that if you ate paper with words, ie newspapers, I would gain knowledge. No clue what made me cone to this conclusion, but I ate small pieces of paper here and there thinking I was enriching my brain with smarts n stuff.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That once I put shampoo in my hair all the rest of the water on my body would instantly turn into soapy shampoo water.
I had to get a towel and dry off my face every time I put shampoo in my hair so I wouldn't automatically get shampoo in my eyes.
I was 7 when I saw footage of the Loma Prieta earthquake on TV and was frightened by the bridges collapsing on cars. And for some reason, I thought earthquakes were giant rocks that fell out of the sky.
I always thought that as soon as I got older I could tell time with my mind, without a watch or clock. The reason I thought this is because either I or another family member would ask my mom or Dad what time it is, and they would always have the time right then and there, it amazed me! I asked my parents out of the random what time it was to see if my theory worked, and it seemed like it did! As I grew older I realised that they were always estimating the time from the last time they saw it.
I remember thinking that games were saved only onto the disk they were played on, so while me and my brother were buying a PS2 game after renting it I was asking, 'How do you know which to get?' and when he continued the game I thought he somehow bought the same disk. I said, 'Wow that was lucky!' I thought he was a wizard.
My girlfriend believed that males did not have any pubic hair and only females did. This is because she only ever saw other male children naked, but she had seen her mom's bush. Additionally, she reasoned that males got facial hair in lieu of pubic hair. It wasn't until she saw her boyfriend naked at 15 that she realized her mistake. At first she thought he looked "very feminine" due to his conspicuous pubic hair.
Not me, but I somehow convinced my brother that he was found in a trash can. He asked my parents about the trash can thing and my mom thought it was funny so she played along. I have no idea why he believed we weren't related since we look very similar.
I was scared of large semi trucks because I believed they were all kidnapping children and taking them to some sort of child zoo/circus. But it was like a government sanctioned kidnapping.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I could elevate myself above the ground (even just an inch or two), that the earth would spin underneath me. I used to try and jump to see if I could be off the ground long enough to see some spin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed I was the only real human and all others were robot imposters.
I used to think that the main chorus line for 'Bette Davis Eyes' by Kim Carnes was actually 'Better Days Aside'... I believed this until I was in my early twenties simply because I was too lazy to research it and... You know? ...No Google.
*And yes... I realise that the song is called Bette Davis Eyes... Now... But I didn't know that then.
My mother told me that if I stayed up late, the sandman would sprinkle sand into my eyes then later eat me. And to further scare me, she said that the crust around my eyes when I wake up is a reminder that he's watching you.
There was a giant jewlery shop in my city, atleast 5 stories tall (only one for the store, its not THAT huge)
I was CONVINCED that it was evil. Every time my dad drove around the building, i would unclamp my seat belt and hide on the car floor, covering my face and body with my jacket.
I was not a smart kid.
a_clue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was called Arabies instead of rabies.
Until I was 12 I thought that the delivery of babies happens from the "behind". I knew everything about how babies are conceived and both male and female anatomies but I was unable to believe that a baby would come out from the vagina ...
When I was really little I was very frightened of hats. I thought they were some sort of head-eating creature. I would then scream and cry whilst trying to save them from the hat monster.
I had a friend who convinced me that Bloody Mary lived in the light fixtures in people's houses and that if you were alone she could come out of the ceiling/light fixtures and kill you. I would sprint through the hallways of my house for a very long time from the ages of 5-9 because of this.
Attending baseball games, football games (American), and the horse track often with my grandfather at the age of 3-6, I legitimately thought that the "7th inning stretch" in baseball was a reference to the "home stretch" in a horse race, meaning it's almost over. Until I was 24 years old.
To be fair, my reasoning was sound, as long as there wasn't a tie at the end of the 9th!
That boys looked basically looked the same naked, only things were a little puffier and triangular. Like a little bumpy crown with a little triangular straw underneath.
I initially thought that world war I and II happened millions of years ago. Thought the timeline was something like Dinosaurs > Romans > World Wars > Generally Peaceful times for generations > Present
I had a dream (I guess) when I was sleeping at my grandparents' house that I woke up and went into the kitchen, and these very alien looking creatures were there, talking in a language I couldn't understand. Despite that being 30+ years ago, I remember it so very distinctly. The way they looked, the sounds they made, even the weird ionized air smell in the kitchen.
Rational, reasonable me knows it didn't happen, but it remains the most vivid dream I have ever had, and to this day I can recall it in extreme detail. Part of my adult brain always wonders if maybe it wasn't a dream. I mean, I know it has to be, but it's so vivid and real to this day. Like nothing I've experienced since.
I thought that every tv set showed different shows. One day my grandfather asked my 7-year old self what I watched the day before. I told him there wasn't anything good on our tv and asked him if his tv showed anything better.
When I was a kid, I believed that my toys and dolls each had their own personalities and lives but were trapped in inanimate bodies. I felt really bad for my toys and even worse when my mother threw them away (we had a burn pit for our trash).
You how you have to click to agree that you've read something? I thought the FBI would show up to your door if you just clicked agree without reading it.
I live in Southern California, and if you take long trips on the freeway you're bound to pass lots of fairly massive, rolling hills. I thought there were the remains of dinosaurs under the hills, like, the dinosaurs were just barely under the surface with the soil on top of them like a thin blanket. Giving the hills their shapes.
I don't know where I got this idea from but it seemed entirely logical to my kid brain.
the dinosaurs were just barely under the surface with the soil on top of them like a thin blanket. Giving the hills their shapes.
Just today I was on a hill called Dinosaur Hill. For obvious reasons.
JT_3K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably get buried but I always thought that good luck and bad luck balanced each other out. Not in some mystical karma type way but in some super-precise scientific measurable sense. Had to go to the doctor for jabs? You, sir, have just banked enough luck to possibly find a coin on the floor on the way home that you might be able to exchange for chocolate. Your morning may have been miserable but at least that means your afternoon is going to be epic.
I also thought Morrissey and Neil Morrissey were the same person.
Tm96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would get really tan in the summer so naturally thought I was black. This was around kindergarten/1st grade. My mother overheard me telling my brother about MLK and how important he was to us. She laughed and explained how skin tans for Italians . True story
that watermelons would grow in my stomach from seeds. I also believed it worked for all fruit and that it was too small for me to notice. my reasoning for it lol.
I thought gum stayed in your system forever and that eventually there would be no room for food.
I thought if I smiled or frowned that it would stay that way until I died. ofc I soon found out that wasn't true
that if I stepped on cracks it would crumble and I'd fall into a big hole.
that If I touched fire i'd instantly die. Not a good thing to do though so guess that saved me.
I thought if I let go of a balloon or kite I'd float away
if I blew on a dandelion I thought if I wished for something it would come true in due time. I had a lot of memories doing that with my mom.
I once thought I could build a rocket from random stuff and use it to fly to outerspace and it was only a 5 hour flight.
I thought if I flapped my arms I could fly and a umbrella could take me anywhere I wanted.
that water could suffocate me. guess I wasn't too far off, luckily I wasn't afraid of water and loved swimming.
that if I swallowed a bug I'd become one so I never bothered trying lol.
I once thought I could just jump into pictures/paintings/tvs.
I also took most things literally. like butterflies in your stomach . I really thought it meant that.
My mom used to tell me there was crocodile that lived in my nose, and that if I kept picking it, the crocodile would bite my finger. Wtf. Mom you're so cruel.
I thought that the sun was following me and only me because wherever I went I could see it during the day. And I thought everyone else were robots
Luwi00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me and not as a child, but listen to this:
I was like 18 years old (could also be 22 I am not sure) and hanging with my friends, one guy who was really nice, but we found out that he is not the brightest light in the room... Well we talked about Breaking bad and how to launder the money, and my friend suddenly told us all:
"Guys I am not sure but why the fuck are they so stupid if someone gets money from a bank and needs to launder it, you take it put it in the damn waschingmaschine and dry it and you are ready to go"
We could not stop laughing, that was tooooo much gold for us...
Due to mishearing, i briefly believed the equator was a big lion that ran around the middle of the world. Also when i was 3 or 4, my mum told me not to step in some wet tarmac or i would get stuck forever. It was at least a year before i could bring myself to step on that bit of repaired road.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:16:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the bad guy in "Commando" was played by Freddie Mercury
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:18:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That success is normal and that everyone in my classroom was going to graduate school, get a nice job, and live a nice house. That dream died when I entered middle-school and saw so many fucked up kids.
i used to believe that the teachers were talking, because I was making them talk. At assembleys and such, i believed that I was controlling them and making them do their speech...i don't even know how or why this came to be.
I thought I had a superpower, because when stuff happened, I'd get Deja vu... but when I was 11, I thought I had a spidey-sense or something to that effect.
I never brought it up with my parents, because I thought that they wouldn't believe that I had a superpower (pretty much every superhero movie told me that people don't believe that you have superpowers)... So I didn't learn that it was a normal thing until I was about 12 years old :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad would tell me that half ways though a Wendy's frosty there was spinach. He would telle when I was half was nearing halfways and I would had it over out of fear of eating the greenstuff And he said he would eat the spinach later. And put it in the freezer. What a smart man
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:52:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That various products were wrapped in plastic so that when thieves would steal something, they couldn't open and use it because thieves have no scissors in their caves/homes underground. Child logic is a funny thing.
There is a kind old man who made me and you and everyone else. He can see inside your head and wants you to be good. He so much wants to help you that he sent his son to be murdered by the Romans and the Jews a couple of thousand years ago. You are supposed to say sorry for all your dick moves, and he'll say "that's okay" and it is also permissible to ask him for stuff, but he won't give it to you because he loves you. When you die, he will make you live again, this time forever, possible just in order to inflict an eternity of pain on you for your transgressions. So be good.
Seppert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of my friends told me these young ferns that weren't blossoming were actually spiders. Didn't dare going into the woods for two years.
Xpdcion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:52:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older cousins and siblings used to tell me that a grain of rice would forcefully come out of my booboo when I was a child. I believe it until I was grade 3. If the booboo is large enough, they'd say a piece of titanic would come out.
The belief further became much more serious when I tripped and gashed my entire knee while I was playing tag. My caretaker left it unattended for a few days until I couldn't walk and slimey pusses would drip. I was scared as fuck.
I thought that if you pooped and peed at the same time you would automatically get diarrhea and so I spent a lot of effort controlling my muscles so the two wouldn't ever happen simultaneously.
Xpdcion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also, the elders used to tell me about stories that if kids were out too late, or was alone during the day or sunset, someone would kidnap and kill me. They would then extract my blood and mix it with cement for building bridge. It's supposed to "strengthen the bridge" and increase it's lifespan since there is "life" in it.
mt92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that dwarves were made up by Disney for their movies - until, when I was 8, I saw one walking down the in the street, pointed, said "Look mom, there's one!", and cried all the way home after he looked at me with an angry expression.
My belief made sense in that it was at least logically consistent.
The north pole was cold, and it got warmer as you travelled south(look at my username now) therefore the south pole was hot, and that is where the lions and giraffes lived.
Kehgals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holding B would increase the chance of catching the Pokemon.
So as a kid, I always thought he was a doctor. One day at school, teacher asks if anyone can get a white coat and a stethoscope. Sure as hell I raise my hand cause my dad was a doctor.
I go home and tell my dad to give me the items, and he says, he's not "that kind of a doctor" and tells me his actual occupation.
I go to my room crying and overthink as to why would my dad lie to me all these years.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought there was a man watching me at night but it was just my sweater
That if I tried hard enough, I could change my luck. When I 'failed' and something unlucky happened, I just thought to myself that I didn't try hard enough...
Moxto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm born on a holday so naturally I thought that everyone had the day off on their birthday. Then I was taught I was wrong and then I felt bad for all you suckers.
After watching my mother dice a tomato in the palm of her hand, I concluded knives couldn't cut skin. I tested my hypothesis on my finger. I was wrong.
When I saw black n' white movies I thought the world was like that back then and then suddenly the world became colorful... No clue why I thought this but whatever I was a little shithead
That everything has it's own universe in it. With planets and everything.
The craziest thing was I had a hot wheel ball thing that hot wheels went around it. I could use that to talk to my buddy on another planet his was a warrior fighting a war winning for the planet and my friend had a buddy that helped him win. My guy was named jack O sack O. It was great I would have great visuals of it and I still can see it.
Thinking about time travel too much would make my head explode. My uncle's silly comment that he had no idea would have such an impact on me actually kept me up at night for years.
redheid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I swam in the dark shaded bits in a swimming pool that sharks could get me. I was ok in the sunny parts but if any part of my body went in the shade, I could be attacked any minute.
Only thing that could save me was having someone else in the pool. I guess so I could feed them to the sharks instead.
My dad has some Hungarian blood in him and would tell me that I was a Hungarian Gypsy. He would tell me all sorts of things about my gypsy background. I loved it and I would tell everyone about it. I think I was 22 years old when he told me that he made the whole thing up! We do have Hungarian blood but we (as far as he knows) are not gypsies.
My girlfriend told me that her brothers would lie to her all the time. One time she walked around a carpet the hole time she ate a milkshake because they told her it wouldn't melt if she did.
I thought that babies came directly from a woman's belly button. ( my mother is filipino, and had a scary story about the aswang- a ghost which haunts the phillipines and eats pregnant womens baby fetuses, its said if you hear aswang in the woods screaming or crying to go the other way, its supposed to be a death omen, and the cause of all the miscarriages. Aswang has a long tongue which will fly above you while you're sleeping and suck the baby with her tongue out of your belly button with her long tongue, only to leave you waking in a pool of blood. -I still fear the aswang.
I believed that airplanes would come and pick you up at your house, kind of like a school bus (my town was small and the bus driver liked us all). This made it super interesting to think about astronauts and the space shuttle
Keram_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, my brother has the same name as my dad. When he was born I started crying because "I didn't want to have two dads".
I used to think I could see through things if I got really close to them and thought I was some kind of superhero.
Figured out a few years later it's just the fact that I have two eyes and only one of them was covered by said object so my other eye was showing me what was past it. I was a dumb kid.
I inexplicably believed that Stephen Tyler was my mom's boyfriend. Nobody ever told me that that was the case and my mom wasn't even attracted to Stephen Tyler.
I also, until an embarrassingly late age (sixteen or seventeen), just assumed the Batman symbol was a yellow mouth with fucked up teeth until one day it just clicked that it was a black bat in a yellow circle. I have no idea why I never questioned it.
I thought the start of the week was a Sunday. No idea why but I managed to get to about 12 years old before I found out it started on monday
5k3k73k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My great grandmother was a very important person in my life, she was also very paranoid. She believed that everyone who rode in a limousine was a criminal and that every van was owned by a child abducting murderer. I grew up living in perpetual fear of vans and limos thinking that I could be snatched up at any moment. Furthermore I wondered why the police didn't just arrest all these people, they were easy enough to identify.
I strongly believed that spaghetti grew on trees and that different pastas (penne, spaghetti, bowtie, etc.) had their own individual flavours. Didnt make that connection with the sauce bringing the flavour.
My dad played pro football in the 70's (Jets & Patriots), retired before I was born. Our last name is Lyman. We'd watch a lot of football while I was growing up, and whenever the announcers would say "lineman" (as in "another lineman on the field" or something similar) I always thought they were saying Lyman - so I always thought it was another family member of ours playing football. I thought we were a really big football family.
I thought clowns were a race of people like black or white
I thought if your brain got too big for your skull you became retarded
I thought vaginas were like penises with flower petals around the base. When I finally saw a picture of a naked woman I thought vaginas were like a spongy area of skin hidden beneath the pubic hair and that all the penetration I was seeing was anal.
SigilR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That for my birthday, my body would rearrange itself to make me taller
I thought that dogs had special healing powers in their saliva and if you ever had a cut then you just need to find the nearest dog, get it to lick you and it'd heal overnight.
kosmor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed there were tiny people on the other side of the TV screen that were watching me. I'd put on little shows when I wanted them to be looking at me and would turn the TV on when I wanted to be left alone.
That you will get pregnant from kissing . Every time I'd see people kissing on TV I'd think "I don't think that scene was worth getting pregnant over, I hope they can make a nice home for the baby"
I was relieved to find out that wasn't how it worked. I was about 6 or 7.
pta2002 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that you could only speak English on a plane. Like, if you tried to speak the words wouldnt come out if you weren't speaking English. I took "the pilots only speak English on the plane" too literally
JMSPHL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that I could see air. I had an astigmatism.
If I walked over a man hole cover or storm drain an evil ninja turtle would grab me and pull me into the sewer. I still avoid it even though I am pretty sure they wouldn't want me anyway.
That every spring a large upright walking rabbit visited my house like the jolly old fat man in the winter and left eggs filled with candy, money, a chocolate representation of himself, and gifts in a basket with plastic "grass" in it and that it was all done in some strange inexplicable connection to a Christian holiday.
t-poke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The very first time I flew was with my grandmother to visit my aunt. I was probably like 6 or 7, and to make me not scared of flying, she made it sound cool. She said planes go straight up like a rocketship. Kids always want to be astronauts, right? Cool, I believe her and 6 year old me isn't scared to get on a plane.
I was probably in my late teens, with many, many flights under my belt, when I was like "Hey, wait a minute, planes don't go straight up like rockets"
When i was around 4-6 i thought there as a school level between middle school and high school. the reason i thought this was because there was 3 high school musical films.
why.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that AI opponents in games didn't exist, and that whenever I played one there was some person in an office who was trained to play at certain difficulty levels.
Was convinced that Animals could talk, from watching some movies where the dogs and cats would speak. So I would like beg and cry and even hit our dog trying to get him to talk. Granted I was like 5 so I don't think my hits hurt our Laika, but I still feel like an asshole looking back and now I know why the dog would avoid me, I was annoying as shit.
Calkky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad's name is Don, and my mom called him Donny. I always misheard "dining room" as "Donny room" and was jealous of my dad because it was unfair that he got a room named after him and I didn't
I legit thought that, prior to color photography, the world was actually black and white and at some point became colorful ala "Wizard of Oz".
glhomme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my mom worked at a Nursery school as a teacher that had to drive a small bus to pick up drop off the children. She would always come home complaining of having to drive a Standard Bus. Of course as a child I knew what stand meant, and hated the school for making her stand up and drive a bus. It was not till I was a teenager starting to drive that I realized my FU as a kid.
That the thing Lactose-intolerant was Blacktoast and collerant
And when i was like 3 or 4, i was at a shoe store with my mom, and i knocked over a single pair of kids shoes, and i just left it on the floor, and i thought for 2 years after that that the police were looking for me because of that
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I convinced ourselves that if we slept with small bean bags on our crotches, that we would grow pubes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that a serial killer was actually a cereal killer. My older cousin told me that they threw people into giant bowls of cereal and drowned them in the milk.
Lesbians were women for a country named Lesbia. Heard the word as a child and came out with this explanation. Parents didn't bother to clarify until I was older lol.
I think this is a classic but I thought a tree would grow in my stomach if I ate seeds of the fruit I was eating. (for example grape seeds, tangerine etc)
I'm late, but as a kid I used to be terrified by Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
I thought that some secret organization was using it as mind control because of the commercials they used to run where a kid would have a bite and his eyes would turn into cereal.
Givet- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my dad could actually remove his finger. He did the trick with the thumb and index-finger over it and then filling out the thumb with the other thumb. I was like "That's great dad, if you ever lose your finger you can just put it back again!!"
I thought the world was in black and white and one day came to be in color. I thought that's why old movies were in black and white, because the world was in black and white. I asked my mom when I was 11 or 12 when the world came to color, I knew it had to be in her lifetime.
When I was really young remember watching a movie that was in black and white. My dad was doing something outside so I went outside to asked him if the world was once in black and white? I assumed that the world was black and white since all the old photos and movies were in black and white. My dad had a tendency to just answer my sister and I with a yes or no without listening to what we were saying when he was busy doing something. He said yes to me and for a while I believed that the world was in black and white at one time.
I believed that when you wanted a baby, you had to dream about a special baby fairy. I also believed that you could choose the gender of your child too. Once you'd had the dream, you had to send a letter to the baby fairy, telling them whether you wanted a boy or a girl. Then, one day, a few days later, the fairy would knock on your door and hand you a baby wrapped up in a blanket.
When I was about 7 I thought that the whole "boys and girls having different parts" was a huge conspiracy and that actually everyone had dicks. I just couldnt wrap my head around it. Of course that all changed a few years later.
In my village (UK) some of the arrows to the different nearby villages are pointing the wrong direction. Obviously they were mixed up by some douchebag from nearby. Anyway, I asked my Dad why it was wrong, and he told me it was so the Nazi's wouldn't know which way to go when they invaded in WW2, and no-one ever changed them back. And I believed this until I was 15.
That a witch lived next door to me. When I was 5 my grandma told me if I did not go to bed the witch would find out and take me away. Bonus, my parents also told me a guy walked the streets at night and peeked into the house windows. If he saw I was awake he would kidnap me.
I used to think that when people died, they became a star in the sky and that the Easter bunny lived on the moon, because for some reason I could see a sort of rabbit formation on the moon.
Enaxion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
New shoes (the larger the number) would give me more movement speed. I was full ARPG mode.
It's basically saying putting a fan in the same room while sleeping causes the air to not be directed to your face which leads to death. Something along that line
I bought the one about ink flying out of a just-pulled firm alarm (in case the person doing it was as a prank). The goofy part was that I didn't find out until I got out of college and worked for a security company.
Mdse123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Arsenal was going to win the league
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that cameras recorded everything you saw when you looked through them. I only found out after I asked my dad how he went so long without blinking in our family videos. He explained it but I still didn't get it. I'm not sure at what age I realized this but it was definitely later than it should've.
When I was 5-6, I was really book smart, but very lacking in basic common sense. I didn't know the radio was just people playing recorded songs. I actually thought that the band would show up and play the one song and then the next band would hurry on stage and play. I was very confused when we changed stations and heard the same song.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember hearing on the radio that the drinking age in Wisconsin had been raised to 21 and was upset because if we went to visit relatives there, I couldn't have milk and water and would be thirsty..
LPK1990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that there must be more lampposts than people in the world. I really don't know why.
I thought a bidet was some sort of bed cover, similar to a duvet. I only realised this was wrong when I was 15, yes, FIFTEEN, when someone said they had a bidet in the bathroom and I seemed really puzzled as to why they'd keep a bed cover in the bathroom.
weggles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Blisters were punishments. Like... before I had a blister, and had only heard of them. I was under the impression there was a "Blister truck" who would give you blisters for wearing your shoes on the wrong feet. This originated from hearing my aunt say my cousin "got a blister from wearing her shoes on the wrong feet". If she GOT it, someone GAVE her the blister. Obv the blister man in the blister truck.
ImMrsG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I believed in Santa, but only that he put presents in my stocking. Mom and Dad did the rest. I believed it whole-heartedly. When it came up that Santa gave my friends all their presents, I just assumed my parents wanted to be involved so the asked Santa to stick with the stocking.
A girl and I "had sex" when we were both 8 or something but it was with our underwear on and just making out because on TV they all still have underwear on, so we thought that's what it was haha
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:32 on April 24, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if you touched a dog's nose it would explode. I thought it was a squishy balloon full of blood and that you weren't supposed to touch.
I got a dog when I was 12 and I realized that her nose is not a little blood balloon.
I used to believe that there was an invisible sky wizard who was really concerned about whether or not I touched myself in my swimsuit area... I also believed that there was a fat man in a red suit who would bring me presents riding a sleigh which could fly because of magical reindeer. I stopped believing in both of them about the same time.
Until I saw my first real-deal porn, I really thought girl's vaginas were pretty much outward facing like belly buttons and that's why dude's were always on top of girls during sex. I even got into an argument in middle school with a kid over an Outkast CD album because the cover had a silhouette of a naked girl and you could see the outline of her vagina while she was bent over. I said it was just a bad drawing and of course was bombarded with "you're serious!?" remarks, haha.
BtDB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but a childhood friend that lived a couple doors down. He believed there was only one route home, and if he deviated from said route even a little, he would be lost forever...or sent to hell or something. I don't know he was a fundy-christian, and I never really understood what was going on in his brain.
I used to mess with him and take backroads home, or cut through back yards to mess with him. It made him cry on more than one occasion.
When I was a kid in Catholic school, they used to tell us in religion class that when you die you go to heaven in the sky with Jesus and the angels.
For the longest time, when I pictured heaven I pictured this: a bunch of dead bodies piled up on top of clouds, with jesus chilling in his throne hanging out with his angel friends. I remember being jealous of Jesus and the angels that they got to live forever and everyone else dies.
I just meant that God was real and the belief that his son was our savior. Not the person himself. Just what he stood for :). Also I don't think Jesus was proven to ever actual to have existed.
And if you didn't get what you want, the reasoning was, "God works in mysterious ways". What a fucking cop out phrase.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:33:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was very much convinced that there was a god and his son had been born of immaculate conception and not of horny teenagers and this son died for my sins so I could go to heaven and spend all eternity singing praise to this god instead of going to burn forever in a place that he created.
That there was some sort of nobility in people's claims to be acting in the service of some ideal to promote the general well-being of humanity, rather than the base tribalism that everyone is serving in reality.
ar423 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:12:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that before colour TV, the whole world's reality was in black and white...and I thought the sudden change was the reason why TV became colourised. surely I'm not the only person who thought this too?
Saved comment
Winslar ยท 788 points ยท Posted at 17:48:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that if I didn't pull out a wedgie my pants would have a hole in them because my mum said that my bum was hungry and was eating my pants but I was scared if I pulled it out my fingers would get bitten off
WAKEUPFUCKEDUP ยท 257 points ยท Posted at 22:15:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How old were you before you stopped believing this? I just had a kid and I need to know.
JukeMastahFlex ยท 302 points ยท Posted at 00:03:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
24
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 01:42:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
good luck with the kid, WAKEUPFUCKEDUP
AllUpInTheInterwebs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated post. Laughed harder at this than anything else in this thread.
landontbr ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:00:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you need to know this..?
WAKEUPFUCKEDUP ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 00:29:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want to know how long I can keep up the lie.
Mr_Bumper ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:44:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are going to be a good parent:)
Winslar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:15:34 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too old lets put it that way XD maybe about 6/7? I can't quite remeber... Congratulations btw
Heliornithia_25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP still believes in this.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:39:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuckle
Polish_Potato ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:20:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good lord, I can't stop laughing.
Yoshilicious ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:46:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What
t-poke ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:34:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you need to watch out for pillow pants.
ChunksGalore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait...that's not what happens?
(hastily pulls out wedgie so deep I can feel it in my stomach)
hcelestem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:00:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's hysterical. It makes you think about how kids interpret things that we, as adults don't even give the time of day
babybluebirds ยท 5250 points ยท Posted at 17:04:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the black market was actually at some secret location where people came and had stands like you would at a farmers market and if the police came everyone took their stuff down and ran away before they'd get caught.
HoneyNutNealios ยท 1909 points ยท Posted at 19:34:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, like some open air bazaar in a dark place. I'm curious if anyone else (who thought of it as literal) thought of it differently...
Iwonderhowmanyletter ยท 1832 points ยท Posted at 21:45:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I literally still picture a black market to be like this. I know it's not, but when someone says 'on the black market' I imagine a middle eastern themed bazaar with black cloths covering over.
romulusnr ยท 437 points ยท Posted at 00:25:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, this can't be a coincidence, can it? Maybe some media representation made us think this? Maybe it actually was that way at some point?
preciousfairyvagina ยท 334 points ยท Posted at 02:07:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aladdin gave me the idea.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:27:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just associated it with the flea market, which really can confuse a kid, and the farmers market, which is the only one that's straight forward.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:03:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Technically a flea market is still a black market as long as there aren't any licences vendors.
makemefoodplease ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:36:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And why would we call something a flea market? I never wanted to go when I was a kid because it sounds flea-ridden.
BusinessPenguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
According to Wikipedia:
0Catalyst ยท 269 points ยท Posted at 02:28:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The word "market"
Reignbow97 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:53:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, no, that can't be it...
_softlite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:05:34 on April 24, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of the funniest comments I've read in the past 4 hours I've spent procrastinating on AskReddit.
danillonunes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa
jd_ekans ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 02:35:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't mean to be dick. But the words "market" and "black" are pretty indicative of a dark, shady, marketplace.
Gromps ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:00:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me it was harry potter that gave that kind of scene in mind
Capn_max ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:18:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mother fucking knockturn alley.
KlausBaudelaire ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:33:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely. Still think of the black market like this today, and only because of this comment made the connection to Knockturn Alley.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too
seymoredjibouti ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:38:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was a Simpsons episode
Lover_Of_The_Light ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:59:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me it was the movie Anastasia. They were looking for Romanov heirlooms on the black market and it was portrayed that way.
mdog95 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:49:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Family guy had a cutaway inside of a black market.
jewelbejealous ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure but I also have this image in my mind, a flea market with shady people and dark tapestries. So a flea market basically.
Brom_Van_Bundt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:18:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also imagined the black market as a literal market hidden away in some poorly-lit, inconspicuous-looking building! Maybe it's an extension of the "sketchy flea market" trope that people like to invoke?
Axcalibur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was the same. Except everything was just a little more modern.
RdscNurse4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spanish Fry episode of futurama comes to mind
citychimes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got the idea from my dad who described it as this while telling us made up bed time stories
Scootaflew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a family guy episode with this exact scenario I believe.
comradeda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Command and Conquer Generals?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These places still exist. There is one in San Jose, Costa Rica that I have personally observed.
jtslector ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These days I know its not a real thing, but I still really want it to be one....
minecraft_nerd05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hunger Games did this.
Talik_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hellboy for me
CheeseRam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was an episode of Family Guy that portrays the Black Market as pretty similar to this.
MaxHannibal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not that it's that you don't understand what the word market means in that context as a child. You think of a physical market.
TertiusLupis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
one of the 007 games on gameboy had a blackmarket that looked like a bazarr in a middle eastern country if i remember correctly
AWildCookieMonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least I'm not the only one, I picture it to be in an alley usually
agoogua ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was an episode of Kim Possible where she had to go to the black market and that's what it was.
2LateImDead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's about what I picture too. My wacky perception of it came from Command and Conquer Generals: Zero Hour.
GlockWan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had the exact same picture
Sgt_Patman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm about 98% certain there was a Simpsons episode where they went to the "black market" and it was literally a bazaar in the basement of Walmart. It was when Margie lit the curtains on fire so she was trying to find the same ones again.
Lamenameman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what? they're not?
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:32:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mother of Lobsters, that's literally exactly how I thought it would look like as well. I don't even think there was anything that made me take a long, hard look at how things would look, I just automatically assumed it would be just like that, except instead of bananas there were Kalashnikovs and instead of pineapples there were cannon shells.
Mascara_of_Zorro ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:06:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And everyone is all super shady
honeybeeimhome ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:16:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, the black market is where Aladdin might shop (or, more likely, Jafar).
briibeezieee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:26:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too! And now I still have this picture even if I know it's not true
JenniferMcKay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I picture the same thing but also underground.
FuckFace11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was the only one...
singaporeguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Battlefield 3 map Talah Market was exactly how I imagined the black market to look like.
charliesinthebushes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup!
Terrance021 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Silk Road is mideastern
MorgaseTrakand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
same here
LiquidRaccoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This literally sums up what I imagined, hah.
CatchEmAllXY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! This is a bit odd...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes precisely !!
Santan_Claus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My exact picture the same as when I was a child
RECOGNI7E ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I is kinda like that, just more spread out. Many deals being done in dark places around the world without government knowledge of the transactions.
Steelreign10 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean ISIS right?
Katekyo-tsuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No he probably doesn't.
[deleted] ยท 134 points ยท Posted at 19:48:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought it was in an underground parking lot
ejabno ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:54:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was like a secret island only accessible with zeppelins and all
ThatdudeAPEX ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:54:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought it was a warehouse in an industrial part of the city.
newenglandredshirt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I usually thought of it as a place like a speakeasy or underground gambling den or something. Big dude at the door, code word to get in, but inside there would just be vendors selling illegal stuff at booths or on tables or something.
Totallynotatheif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought it was a cargo ship. Plus where else is better, plenty of room, international waters and you could either call it market and paint it black or call it the black market.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought only secret agents could get to it. It was a store like walmart, only but underground and full of weapons.
We_Are_The_Waiting ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:40:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined a half underground huge warehouse type thing in the desert.
AFreshStartVI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yeah!!
Reverencium ยท 395 points ยท Posted at 21:17:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really, really ashamed to admit that I thought it was a flea market/swap meet style thing where black men in gangs sold their guns and alcohol.
librician ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:40:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too :(
I think that's the big downside of letting "black" mean unknown or evil or underground linguistically.
Arandur ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:47:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. That's the big downside. :P
Gentlescholar_AMA ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:52:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, that comes from night though
TheSecretExit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:57:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Paper or plastic?"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:27:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Hol' up fam. you need to have a cloth bag discount. It's gonna save the environment and shit.
sharkykid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:36:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy sht it's not? Why is it called a market then? I feel so dumb
marty86morgan ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:07:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A market doesn't have to be a place, it can be the trading of related things with no central location. Like the stock market, it has centers like the New York Stock Exchange, but the stock market itself is just the idea of the sale and exchange of stocks.
There can be, and are physical locations where black market goods are sold illegally, but the black market is just the illegal sale of those goods regardless of location or means.
RECOGNI7E ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It kind of is
mac-0 ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 20:55:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought of it as a swap meet kind of thing where you could buy pirated movies and weapons and the police never came because it was in a country with less rules.
ThePaperSolent ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:43:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, I thought this too.
And reading this, I realise thats how I pictured it.
I imagined that you had to go around the back of a building and through some secret passages to find an Afgahni guy selling Opium or a WHite Dude selling Meth. idk.
King_kai_ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:05:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my mind it always looked very much like the market in Aladdin, but the canopies over the stalls were black instead of tan, because it's the BLACK market.
ashnharm02 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:56:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, and this is still exactly what my mind imagines when someone says anything about a black market.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:27:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me, it was always a warehouse..
CrackedGoggles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:41:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. It's such a great image I still kind of believe it in the hopes of willing it into existence.
romulusnr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:24:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought this. I associated it with images of Moroccan bazaars. Now I know it's just on the darkweb...
FerrumCenturio ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:56:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had the same idea. That, or a bunch of people selling things out of their car trunks in an alley.
ImNobodyFromNowhere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:38:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always pictured a flea market in an alley downtown
rmandraque ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:48:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These exist all over the world, I was just in one smoking a blunt.
mastersword130 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:36:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought of it, also Seth MacFarlane thought this too since he had an episode of family guy where the black market was like a Walmart
Koyoteelaughter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:01:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Troll Market
BayInferna22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:23:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that was how drug dealing was done.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:04:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was in the sewers.
Like, you'd go down and there would be the main area with not extremely illegal items like knives, knock off and stolen goods, and then if you wanted something realky illegal youd have to go down a trail off and talk to a shady figure in front of a grate.
I had an elaborate imagination.
TheFlyingBogey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:07:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I literally had the exact same idea as /u/Iwonderhowmanetter has, and I still imagine that in my head even though that's not what it is.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:49:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too, as a young child who's only reference was the opening scene of Tomorrow Never Dies, where Bond destroys a literal Black Market using a stolen MiG fighter
BedTooShort ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it would be like an underground mall. I used to think that it was weird that Underground Atlanta had a gov't highway sign. I imagined a place in an abandoned subway with pinky toes for sell, rap battles, and robo cage battles. It's just a shopping district I found out :/
Moonwalker917 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:10:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, I always thought it was some dark place in a long underground corridor made of concrete, where some shady-looking people were selling illegal things, like on a flea market
I'm disappointed
TheOfficialPossum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:25:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bazaar Noir.
nugit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:50:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined an underground tunnel
sangriadvx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:00:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I pictured it as the stand in Aladdin.
GiantRobotLazerFish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:26:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah i think i imagined it as underground, like in a sewer or something with ramshackle shacks with shady people working in them, similiar to the thieves guild in skyrim.
paarthurnaxxx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:16:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bunch of tusks and shit laid out on blue tarps and tigers in chain link cages
paarthurnaxxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
everyone wearing balaklavas
not_great_bob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did too! I mean, in our kid minds I don't think we could see it any other way.
ThefamousHenk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:38:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I got that image from Family guy
OkArmordillo ยท 296 points ยท Posted at 18:39:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not?
droans ยท 373 points ยท Posted at 20:28:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes it is, it's under Goldenrod City.
mgearliosus ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:59:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but all of Goldenrod is the ghetto.
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 23:38:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Built on the souls destroyed by Whitney's Miltank
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:59:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Playing that game at 12 years old for the first time and not knowing the concept of training your Pokรฉmon..
That Miltank was fucking brutal.
M27saw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not since Team Rocket took over.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:00:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey. Ill sell you a slowpoke tail for 500 poke dollars. Hows that?
Fennekchu ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:49:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OLDEN WutFace
Shovel_Ship ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:04:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FORCED LORE
Fennekchu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:22:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
By the way, really loving PBR 2.0 Kappa .
itsNowOrNever13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:05:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
xD MingLee
Fennekchu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You did the joke very Funni Minglee .
cocoboco101 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:55:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you sure it's not under Guam?
AndyGHK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hey kid, I'll massage yer Pokemon fer a dollar.
GiantRobotLazerFish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking about that! I believe thats where i got the idea of it being underground from.
trentonchase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
psst... hey, kid... wanna haircut?
trentonchase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
psst... hey, kid... wanna haircut?
[deleted] ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 20:36:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Jerlko ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:00:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's 2 words. Not everything is some conspiracy to farm internet adoration.
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 22:33:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
me131211 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:16:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's 2 fucking words, would you rather they have said "not it's? "
Sadsharks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:19:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The original comment, not the "It's not" comment.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In OPs defense, its a common misconception
OkArmordillo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:41:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Idk what you're talking about. I just want to know what the black market is.
Etiennera ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:21:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's really just the people and transactions involved. It isn't a place and there is no governing body.
OkArmordillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, thanks. My second guess was some online community but I understand now.
keithybabes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:07:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, a fish market sells fish. A flower market sells flowers; you do the math.
OkArmordillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They sell black people?
OfficeChairHero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:45:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wut?
[deleted] ยท -11 points ยท Posted at 20:54:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never heard of this.
ConsiderablyMediocre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're kinda weird dude
Pusher_ ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 19:51:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I had somehow seen part of that Nicolas cage movie (8mm I think?) And there's a scene that colored my perception on what a black market was for years.
aocreata ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:58:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that is not a kids movie
Pusher_ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:15:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It sure wasn't! My parents were... indiscriminate at best with movies
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:56:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I deleted all comments out of nowhere.
WednesdayxAddams ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:52:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not alone! I thought this too!
recipe_pirate ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:12:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this, too. I thought it was a black tented flea market in Cuba with guns and drugs and whatnot available for purchase.
reddit_for_ross ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:12:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of American Dad when they walk into a grocery store type place that's literally the black market. People are just standing around and there are bins full of grenades and stuff
recipe_pirate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:44:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I felt like that episode of Family Guy where Louis became a flight attendant and then got stranded in Cuba with Peter was also a pretty good representation of what i imagined too
putting_stuff_off ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:48:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still picture it like this. I know it's not. But that's the image that comes to my head every time.
pillbuggery ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:27:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had to explain to my friend that this wasn't the case. Thing is, he was 16 and a junior in highschool.
skellyclique ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:30:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still think this. I have no idea how the black market would actually work.
Electric999999 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:47:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's actually just a term for illegal sales, not a place, just a term for all the guys selling guns from their cars etc.
RainbowtasticNinja ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:47:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, but I thought it was in Cuba since Americans were not allowed there.
Duplicerousity ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:03:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hong Kong has one almost like this. Except the cops are protecting it because they are paid to by the criminals lol
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:49:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RebeccaOTool ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:29:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still have to remind myself it's not.
DestroyerTerraria ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:37:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're actually areas where you can trade health for items. It also has a trapdoor to the next floor.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure we all thought this.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, what is it then?
sat52 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:23:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah, I definitely thought this too. I never really thought about it until now though and I'm really not sure when I had the realization that it wasn't an actual place.
Itsacardova ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this as well, but I always pictured it being Eastern Europeans and people from the middle East creating some Eastern shithole.
emngaiden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:17:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And aren't like that? TIL
the_omega99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:06:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are black markets essentially like that. But they're not the black market (which refers to all illegal and off the books commerce).
ukralibre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:38:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But everyone is african descent
edgebigfan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought black market was down the street where I lived, I thought people sold apples and such without the government letting them do that.
OneGoodRib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what I thought, plus everybody in the black market constantly wore sunglasses.
I was also under the impression there was a gray market, which was similar, but sold bootleg tapes and food they no longer sell in the U.S. instead of guns and kidneys.
Vigilante17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like in District 12?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I,too,wanted to go to the black market as a kid. I just assumed thats where you went to buy grappling hooks and assorted ninja shit.
cocoboco101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
same
OldManPhill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this for longer than id care to admit...
yupersXD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was the same thing as a swap meet until I was 15
TwitinTwitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wait, that's NOT what the black market is?
rmandraque ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That does exist though, just not in the US.
CrazyKirby97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think there was a secret door somewhere on a brick wall and it would take you to an underground black market.
Idontcareboutyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So. A flee market?
laxation1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too. It was a tent in the middle of the desert where people with sunglasses went to buy guns.
SatanicCatVideo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Makes sense.
In my city there are many seedy marketplaces where you could buy anything from pirated DVDs/BluRays to handguns.
When I was a kid my dad took me shopping there from time to time, and sometimes we'd walk out with sacks of DVDs that we bought for less than a dollar each (our internet wasn't good enough for torrenting back then).
One time we were there, someone ran in and warned people that some cops might show up. The whole floor of vendors started scrambling to hide their wares. It was a false alarm anyway.
Iamshort2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See i too had this belief but my reason for thinking this was i played Ultima Online as a child and there was literally an underground market that sold evil things which was called the black market. I was totally convinced this was how it worked in real life for a long time
MHG73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was an episode of the show Arthur where they go to the 'New York Sock Exchange'. I knew it was not a sock exchange, but a stock exchange. I truly believed that there was a huge building like a mall where you could go up to a person at a booth or desk and hand them cash in exchange for stocks.
stellastar2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest I thought this until quite recently.
scottiepooh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A-hem. African American market.
chancegold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The thing about that really stuck with me when I decided to check out the "deep web" a few years ago was Silk Road. It was basically the online version of exactly this.
It was like a cross between Amazon and eBay, with all the features one has grown to expect from such online stores. There were reviews of products, sellers, and buyers. There was the typical "Best quality for the price" quotes and comparisons to other sellers.
It literally was an online retailer like any other- except the items were ounces/kilos of heroine, counterfeit currency, and guns. A true online black market.
ziggrrauglurr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well.... In Argentina we basically have this. A seedy bazar where you can buy stolen or illegal goods... Everyone knows where it is too...
Cbitezvagoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that too and ironically in other parts of the world (especially south america) there are black market bazaars. So I guess we were kind of right!
Dod93_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that what Family Guy taught you?(and me)
richmelchr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you watched a lot of M.A.S.H. I see :)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like where you buy Mogwais
db0255 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always believed something similar. That the black market was an actual place. I was confused when I subsequently heard about the grey market.
GreenFireBerns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are not alone.
imturningintoazombie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that not what it is?
Bored_Office_Girl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait it's not?
raptorreid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I just realized I thought the same thing...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In a lot of Europe this how its done.. They place items out on a rug or towel and the police come around and they simply roll up the junk and move away for a while. (mostly DVD's, LV knock off purses etc.)
In China they just have it in the open and no fucks are given.
Ejacubation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/ZAL9V-B5AjI
cgkanchi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So in Bombay, this is actually true. There's an actual market called "chor bazaar" (thief market). While it's mostly a flea market in recent times, even around 10 or so years ago, it was genuinely the place to go if you wanted to buy goods that *ahem* fell off a truck.
Even today, there are parts of the chor bazaar where people in the know can go to buy everything from hood ornaments (think Mercedes or Rolls Royce) to designer shoes (think Nike) at ridiculous bargain-basement prices. These things tend to be mostly genuine rather than knock-offs, so you can connect the dots as to why a Mercedes hood ornament is available for $2-3 (or $10-20 or whatever).
angleeeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also thought the same because of Kid Icarus for the classic Gameboy.
Dexaan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a regular market, just operated by black people
MzDemonKitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like I know that that's not what it actually is, but that's still what I picture.
Rhueh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had totally forgotten about it until I read this, and then remembered that I used to think that, too.
MarioWariord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crazy i always thought like that too even in my teens. Heck i still do.
madogvelkor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. I thought it happened at night, and people wore black so they could hide.
snickles19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because of Aladdin
WeAreIrelephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I was educated about the concept of a black market was the Arthur episode about Pal taking DW's socks to a mysterious "black market". Even now, (though I know what the term means), I picture dogs and ninjas in black spandex suits meeting with crooked laundry machines to trade the mate of the sock that you can't find.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In high school there was a kid named Jason who wore dueling dragon shirts. He was big boned but very confident. One day he tried to convince everyone on the bus that he "went to the Black Market". Calling BS we asked him what he saw there, he responded "AK-47s, M-80s. You know, illegal stuff." We all told him he was full of it and his response was "No guys! I went! Ask my mom! Ask my Mom!"
TheCaptainCog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So kinda like this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAL9V-B5AjI
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought there was some hatch somewhere that led to some huge underground room.
definitewhitegirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
same but I pictures all of the stands to be made of black tables and black tents with everyone selling stuff to be wearing black....... legit thought it was like a farmers market except with black accent wear so we all knew yes we have arrived at THE Black Market
Aging_Shower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They don't? :(
drewisawesome14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
......this isn't the black market?
soldiercross ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that not how it works?
HeterosexualSloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, so that's not what the black market is?
ItstheGypsyScum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually near the Chao kindergarten.
bigbuffblackman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ever played sonic adventure battle 2?
INextroll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was on a DarkRP server in Garry's Mod a while back, and the black market was just a giant Walmart-esque superstore that had
crudely drawn on the front. I didn't actually get to see the inside of it, however, since the police picked off potential customers at the front door.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh my god this is what I thought too!
accomplicated ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In Seoul, South Korea there are several neighbourhoods where you can buy pirated goods being sold in a market such as you describe. We called it the black market because it seemed exactly like what one would expect a black market to look like.
On a related side note, I purchased a huge collection of DVDs at the black market. Because they are all region free, I can still watch them without issue. The one legitimate DVD that I bought there was The Nightmare Before Christmas; it does not work in North American DVD players.
There was also the grey market. This was a place in an actual building that had all sorts of foreign goods that weren't available anywhere else. I have been lead to believe that everything sold there came directly from a nearby American army base. I just took that at face value and never did any research to confirm whether this is true.
Answer_the_Call ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think money laundering was actually putting money in a washing machine. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Interteen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LOL same
gwolf100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had always thought it would be underground too, like you'd have to go down into a sewer but it wasn't actually a sewer more underground Middle Eastern bazaar but with lots of Russians.
KoiKamsahamnida ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing! Always pictured it like a flea market for illegal stuff lol!
HarmonicDrone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined the same thing but with human organs
GandalfTheGrey1991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My idea was similar but it was more like a supermarket. With checkouts and stuff.
Angharaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I STILL believe that, lol.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
late to the party but a certain game might or might have not given me the same thought http://cnc.wikia.com/wiki/Black_market
SuperMonkeyJoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:05:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like every market I visited in Thailand, all the counterfeit goods were stored in peoples cars and vans parked out back, if you wanted to buy anything you had to wait a minute for a runner to go and grab the counterfeit version.
If someone got wind the police were coming around then the news spread like wildfire and the runners would all disappear to drive off with the knock-off goods leaving just the legitimate merchandise still on display.
StormRider2407 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:07:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So glad I'm not the only one, thought that for years when I was a kid.
TooManyMeds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean thats how it worked in hunger games
thebananay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every time this question is asked this is one of the top comments. I guess what can you expect
Hardin_of_Akaneia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:56:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was in a building that didn't have a sign. I always imagined the inside like a group of pawn shops, with very dim lighting, and it was just dark enough that it wasn't possible to see the faces of the shopkeepers from the other side of the counter.
exonwarrior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not the only one...
Lcbrito1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see this in every thread, I will start explaining to kids what is when I tell them about it, since so many people get it wrong. Or I will mess with them and say I am going to the black market for some eggs. Either way works.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So.... the thieves guild?
myshittyluck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:26:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was the only one
sWZh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:26:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined some wooden stalls in the desert ran by shady Arab men wearing turbans and head cloths. Oh and they always had multiple camels.
BigTastyWithBacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:52:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like The Barras
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had this exact thought, except I always thought it looked somewhat like Mos Eisley from Star Wars (I was also obsessed with Star Wars)
fatalfiire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this not true?
Blakomen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This exists, visit a night market in Taiwan and watch stalls appear and disappear to avoid the cops ;)
Wiseguy72 ยท 582 points ยท Posted at 18:13:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought baby showers involved actual showering. This was supported by the fact that my mom wouldn't let me go because only women were going.
recipe_pirate ยท 271 points ยท Posted at 20:33:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom used to tell me she was throwing Tupperware parties so i always wanted to go as a kid. Turns out they were actually sex toy parties at nudist colonies half the time.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 21:56:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here, mom. I know how much you liked Tupperware, so I got you some.
And then inside are bananas...
JenniferMcKay ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:03:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't realize that was a thing. My sister went to a sex toy party last summer. She told her mother that it was a Tupperware party. It was a running joke in our family for a while.
withbob ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:38:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this just a common thing everywhere except for where I live? Is it a giant orgy? I am so fucking confused.
Themightyoakwood ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:17:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope it's exactly like a Tupperware party just with... Dildos and stuff.
withbob ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:34:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...I don't even know what a tupperware party is. What the fuck country does this happen? Iceland?
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:45:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
USA. It's like Mary Kay or PartyLite candles - you go to someone's house, there are snacks, there's some sort of product demonstration (with sex toys I am sure that's not the case), everyone gets to look at a bunch of merchandise and the salesperson recommends something to each person at the party. It's playful and silly and there's this horrible pressure to buy something. If you don't know a bunch of moms who like pyramid schemes, I'm not surprised you've never been to a sales party like this.
withbob ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:50:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't go to mom parties on principal. I pretty much would rather let an eel crawl up my ass than go to another one of my sister's kid's stupid fucking birthdays. The last one the kid was 2. Her memory of the event is gonna be a blurry image of DOZENS of snot covered little hipster children. It's not gonna distinctly be lacking something, even if there wasn't even a damn cake. My Nephew's second is coming up, and I'm dreading it.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:59:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kids aren't allowed at these, usually. Although the only reason I've ever been to one of these is because my mom had them at our house growing up.
withbob ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:00:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The dildo party or the tupperware party?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:18:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tupperware lmao
withbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You never know ;)
SpaceOdysseus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was, like, one girl and three guys. And they plug all the holes so she's sealed up like Tupper ware
JenniferMcKay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:36:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha not quite. It's a party with a consultant that sells sex toys (and other sex-related things). Kind of like Pampered Chef parties if you have those. They talk about the merchandise and then everyone can place orders privately if they want to buy anything.
4chan_is_sux ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:45:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tupperware Remix Party?
PIE_man901 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:28:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tupperware Remix Party = Dildo Remix Party
this makes Crushin' On U a bit weirder.
Severse_Rhycology ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:26:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...oh
Pipthepirate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:00:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you ever get to go?
recipe_pirate ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:27:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not to the ones she threw as a kid, no. However she might be getting back into it again, so if she does that, then i probably will.
DarthStrakh ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:24:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:53:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
recipe_pirate ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:04:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She's horrible at being organized, but fantastic at selling so I'll basically help keep track of parties, orders, and help set up/tear down the presentations.
SadGhoster87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:19:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something something broken arms
recipe_pirate ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:16:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha what do you think happens at these parties? It's basically someone giving a presentation on the toys. Nobody actually tries it out themselves in front of God and everybody. That's just unsanitary.
Torvaun ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:51:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, you started this thing with "sex toy party at a nudist colony." It's not exactly a huge fucking leap.
friday6700 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:35:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gives a whole new meaning to "patented burp"
Awsaim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that true for all Tupperware parties? เฒ _เฒ
sp00ky_shadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:41:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait what Tupperware parties aren't a thing where mothers show off their Tupperware?
Lakonthegreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are... Are you fucking kidding me!? THAT'S why I couldn't go to the tupperware parties!? You just fucked my world up dude...
WetDogeSmell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What were they the other half of the time?
recipe_pirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Parties not at a nudist colony, non-nudists?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:12:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought baby showers were like meteor showers where babies would start flying across the sky like shooting stars.
PunxsatownyPhil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gives a whole new meaning to "baby you're a firework!"
ninjette847 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:26:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a ceremony for the baby's first bath.
rocklob0 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:17:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My toddler son just went to his first baby shower. On the way, he asked if everyone was going to take a shower together or if it was just for the baby :)
PM_ME_STEAMGAMES_PLS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:24:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would be one stinky-ass baby to require so many people.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:43:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really? then what are baby showers?
Wiseguy72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:35:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You "shower" the expecting mother with baby related gifts.
wetwater ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:46:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing. When I got a bit older and thought about it I realized how stupid showering babies were.
They couldn't stand, you had to sit them in the tub and give them a bath.
Iamaredditlady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:30:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck was your father doing to clean himself??
shortforsophie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:04:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I thought that too!!
kmck96 ยท 5024 points ยท Posted at 16:27:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad was a manager at a local business and he would come home every few months talking about how he had to fire someone. In my four year old mind I pictured him taking bad employees to a small concrete structure in a remote location, putting them inside, and lighting them on fire. Had no idea it was just telling someone they can't work there anymore.
And somehow I was okay with my father being a serial killer, because Dad can do no wrong.
TheOneWithAGun ยท 2419 points ยท Posted at 18:43:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad: And some day son, you'll run the family business and have to fire people
Son:( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
[deleted] ยท 1244 points ยท Posted at 20:12:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Sir_Illo ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 22:20:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stay warm stuntman
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:27:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you have been visited by stuntman
repost "stay warm stuntman" in two seconds for warmth or else you will die of freezing death cold
BackToHauntURaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:06:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stay warm stuntman
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He looks super hot in that photo.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SUPER HOT
I_need_proof ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 20:46:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dank
[deleted] ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 20:56:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why the fuck is this a meme?
fireork12 ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 21:33:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because fuck you that's why
oldnan69 ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 22:51:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/theydidthefuckyou
Kobe7477 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:54:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm dead.
KidLimbo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:39:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you.
Blue_Dragon360 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:35:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ewww
Clown_Penis_Fart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ofcoursethatsathing
gloomy_lunatic ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:04:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's this meme?
ThirdFloorGreg ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:22:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think (I hope) that originally it was pictures of two things that resemble each other in different sizes, like a tablet and a smartphone or something, with the caption "Don't talk to me or my son ever again." Now it's generally just a picture of literally anything at all with a smaller version photoshopped in. It is, by far, the dumbest meme ever.
TheSacrifist ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:26:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The dumbest meme ever? I doubt though.
Here is the original though:
http://imgur.com/J4W63wK
mariobuyatelly ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:37:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
May be wrong but I think this is where it comes from
TheSacrifist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:15:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The one i posted is the first example of it being replicated i guess
mariobuyatelly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:35:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that's actually what I thought it was from until I googled it earlier.. It's so dumb though I can't believe we're discussing it to such an extent!
ThirdFloorGreg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Goddammit. Of course I was totally unjustified in giving it the benefit of the doubt.
gloomy_lunatic ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:25:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still don't understand in that context
ThirdFloorGreg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:32:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In that context, it:'s basically "lol look, this smaller thing looks like it could grow up to be this larger thing." Like I said, really, really dumb.
gloomy_lunatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just don't understand where the word part is supposed to mean but thanks for trying to explain
ThirdFloorGreg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It means nothing. It was time first thing somoeone thought of that quickly implied a the small thing is a child version of the large thing.
GWizzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/OutOfTheLoop thread
It's basically nonsense and in my own humble opinion, not funny. But /r/me_irl is currently doing their best to run it into the ground like they tend to do, so it hopefully shouldn't be around much longer.
Argon0503 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:35:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They closed that down (in America)
DarthStrakh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:04:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sucks. It was pretty cool, though I like the idea of StarWars land expanding.
Orgalorgg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:19:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/me_irl is leaking again.
LuciferianAntichrist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like he just hit his final form.
Skyba11 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:53:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's that from?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:57:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
ZeTurtle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:24:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was just about to ask if thats what it was from. Is it weird I recognized it right way even though I've seen the show once?
ciocinanci ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:37:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought Narcissa Malfoy said it to Harry Potter, but I don't have "Half-Blood Prince" at hand at the moment.
DarthStrakh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone was at Disney
rmev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
4 years at reddit and you did more than the half of your karma with this only comment, wish i could gild youbut no money.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HURRRRRRRRRRRGHAAAAAAAAA
HURRRRRRRRRRRGHAAAAAAAAA
riptide747 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm disappointed there's no bread in that picture
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not acting like a sub hero
PurpleDotExe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody get the patch kit, r/me_irl is leaking again
milakoplusdrencrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was a pleasure to burn
arslanali286 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Daddy Purchased me :D
nick152 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:46:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the Sopranos was born.
John_Barlycorn ยท 309 points ยท Posted at 19:28:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Along those same lines, when my dad said something cost "Fifty bucks" I thought he was trading deer for merchandise. I finally got curious and asked him if they were live bucks or dead ones, and where exactly was he keeping all these deer anyway.
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 19:59:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well atleast you're belief is historically right. 50 bucks back in the day of trading would of been 50 deer hides.
GayHorsesEatHayy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 11:50:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*would have been
Herd_of_Alpacages ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:34:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of a time, in 1st grade I think, where I became the coolest kid to the older, and mean, 4th graders for a similar belief. They were making fun of my Japanese Rainbow Energy Pokemon card. I was feeling pretty sad about that, but didn't know what to say to impress them. A few days earlier I found out that my father had $20, which was an insane amount of money to me at the time. For these mean 4th graders, I figured they would think I and my family were rich, so I told them "YEAH? WELL, my father's got 20 BUCKS!"
Their faces got like this: =O And for about two weeks, I became the popular son of some bad ass deer-slayer.
Brom_Van_Bundt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:12:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother would hear the market reports talking about the number of shares traded, but she misheard it as chairs. So she imagined that they were somehow in the furniture business.
GiantsRTheBest2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The moment when the protรฉgรฉ surpasses his master
[deleted] ยท 174 points ยท Posted at 18:24:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:58:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, Capital One does that to their customers.
romulusnr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:20:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At Sopranos LLC, they take 'em out with the garbage
humanjumprope ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:29:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's called the Chicago Outfit
rodinj ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:42:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll make you an offer you canโt refuse
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:58:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god I had this exact believe too but it was my mother talking how she was worried she'd be fired. I cried so hard because I thought her job was going to kill her with a room flooded with fire.
letmeusespaces ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:20:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember bawling my eyes out one night my dad came home and told us his friend had been fired. I was probably 4 or 5.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:12:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember when I was younger my mam got a new job, I asked what happened to the old job and she said she 'got the sack'. It was the first time I had heard that expression but I knew it meant she's been fired, so I picture her boss giving her a big potato sack that said 'you're fired' on the front and with all her belongings in it
blipsman ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:35:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, I thought people getting fired were shot with a flame thrower...
Bendrake ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:38:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should look up the history of the verbiage, it's interesting.
PoisonMind ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 19:21:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The sense of "sack, dismiss from employment" is recorded by 1885 (with out; 1887 alone) in American English. This probably is a play on the two meanings of discharge (v.): "to dismiss from a position," and "to fire a gun," influenced by the earlier general sense "throw (someone) out" of some place (1871).
CheshireC4t ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:25:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
All I can find are urban myth-like references to this meaning without sources. Some sources suggest a connection between firing as in "to fire out from a cannon" and "to dismiss from work", but these are speculative and there is no hard evidence.
The term didn't even come into use until the 1880s, at which point it would not have been deemed acceptable to set bad employees on fire.
Source: http://www.word-detective.com/2011/07/fired-let-go/
Edit: It's modern American slang, and it's not that interesting.
feanturi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read somewhere, can't find it now of course, that the term was used in the middle-ages. It's probably not true but I like the story so I wish to continue believing it. Basically, back then, your job was pretty much your position in the village. If you were screwing up at your job, you were no longer a good fit for the village. So to give you the hint to go live somewhere else, they'd get together and burn your house down.
CheshireC4t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Ok
This is how misconceptions are spread but suit yourself
Edit: added linebreak between the quotes
feanturi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're right, when you quote someone while deleting critical phrases such as "probably not true" you can indeed spread misconceptions.
Bendrake ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:11:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is what I've read as well.
DodoDude700 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought they got shot in a similar structure.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I suddenly wish I had the power to fire people...
Urbaninja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:39:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So that's what that concrete bunker thing is in the forest behind your house.
TheJonesSays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's awesome and adorable.
ihatethesidebar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Knowing that some kids think that is scary.
paranoidalchemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my mother talked about getting fired, I was shocked as a little kid. Took me a while to learn she wouldn't be burned.
yodude19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! I always pictured people being thrown into an incinerator lol.
logicblocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How come you never asked for details? He must have been using some sort of flamethrower.
romulusnr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Punchline, dad was a Nazi camp commandant
ubnoxious1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! I was at the greyhound bus depot and someone was being escorted off of the bus by the police. I asked my mother why they were holding the man. She said he didn't pay for his ticket. I asked what they were going to do to him. She said they were going to "take care of him". Well in my mafioso kid mind, what happened next was that they took him out back and made him do a headstand so all of the money would fall out of his pockets. Then the police all line up and shot him firing-squad style while he was still doing the headstand.
Megaman1981 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I vaguely remember when I was little, I wanted my mom to stay home from work, but she said she couldn't because her boss would fire her. I was afraid that her boss was going to light her on fire, and I remember being scared all day thinking she wouldn't come home.
isaac161000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it meant getting shot out of a cannon
lizzkhalifuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that "fired" meant that too. Cheers to 4 year old vocabulary.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined getting fired was like when mr burns fired his employees in the Simpsons. "You,re fired" (presses trapped door that leads to fire pit).
alsomdude2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is fucking hilarious! Have you told your dad about this? Bet he'd have a good laugh.
hownow80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heard about my dad getting fired and thought this almost exact thing. Why would someone do that? And why does he look ok? Back to legos
omahaspeedster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was your dad named Dexter?
tokedalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You understood death at 4? All I understood at that age was I liked The Little Mermaid and to watch it naked while pulling on my foreskin.
SpringBecameSummer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I totally thought this too! Though I imagined them being burned at the stake. I remember my dad told me that Bob Vila had been fired from "This Old House" and I cried because I thought it meant he was dead.
albinoblkshpYTMND ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The episode of Rugrats where Chuckie's dad thinks he's going to get fired made me think that was really what happened
Cruxion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: he worked at a pottery shop.
Manlymanbeast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had something similar to this. When I first heard about someone taking shots of alcohol. I thought they were literally putting alcohol in a syringe and injecting it. It really confused me how they survived that. Although most of the the stories I heard about shots at that age were ones that they used to scare you off drugs and alcohol. So most of them the person died.
tttrrrooommm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
when i was little, my mom would say that someone at work got fired, and i thought it meant they were fired out of a cannon!
Lokimonoxide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of my Grandma. She had a student whose father worked in the forestry industry in Northern Ontario, would be gone for months at a time. He'd tell the family he was "doing time up North."
Of course, the question is "What does your father do?" comes around class and little 7 year old Timmy proclaims, "My dad is doing time up North."
Oh, that's interesting. nervous haha
So the mother gets phoned just as a check in to see what the home situation is like. "Timmy said that?? Oh, no, let me explain...."
And a good laugh was had by all.
Hadrian4X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad was a manager at a Taco Bell. I had literally the exact same mental image, and I just didn't care.
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember thinking that my dad had to shoot people for not doing their job. I remember he was having trouble with a new employee, and he was telling my mum that he would recommend to the board that said employee should be fired.
I was picturing a firing squad made up of people in suits, and some hapless incompetent begging for a second chance.
5 year old me was about ready to attack my dad to prevent him from becoming a monster (logic!) but thankfully when my parents asked why I was sobbing, they all had a good laugh and explained it to me.
solinaceae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! I vividly recall bursting into tears the first time I heard about one of my dad's friends getting fired, because I thought he was being burned at the stake or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Brad, your productivity has been below our standards for the last three quarters. We're going to have to necklace you."
aaw4077 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I truly believed this as well. Had terrifying visions of people being set on fire at my Dad's work for so long.
45MinutesOfRoadHead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had this same thought. The first time I ever heard the term "fired" was when I was 4.
I remember my pre-k had a field trip and my mom was driving myself and another boy to wherever we were going. The kid said his favorite football team lost their coach and I said "Yeah! They set him on fire!" My mom was mortified and asked why I would say that and I was like "Well they said they fired him!"
Potato_Orc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When i was little my dad was a pilot in a naval squadron. Whenever he would come back from a day of flying i always assumed he had managed to park a P3 Orion somewhere on our property. Probably in the attic of the garage... Sneaky bastard.
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He only came home every few months? :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I knew a guy who told me the boss had a "firing gun" that set people on fire.
RickyRicardo20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think Hitler thought the same thing, just that no one ever told him otherwise.
penny2cents ยท 2269 points ยท Posted at 16:46:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that it was really smart that my great grandparents had had the foresight to name my grandpa Grandpa.
Also, I thought that people with large butts just held their poop in for too long.
Stopman ยท 462 points ยท Posted at 18:30:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good call on 'Mom' and 'Dad' too.
SirImpervious ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 02:46:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I told my teacher in kindergarten that my parents names were "Mom" and "Dad", but the weird part was I actually did know their real names, I just thought they were nicknames.
californiaknowshowto ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:21:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean.. fairly oddparents
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 578 points ยท Posted at 20:26:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that balls were holding tanks for urine...
LARGABLARG ยท 263 points ยท Posted at 22:34:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I used to squeeze my balls because I thought I would pee faster.
jakielim ยท 346 points ยท Posted at 23:29:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When did it occur to you it probably shouldn't hurt that much to pee?
ChampagneCJ ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 00:02:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my doctor told me I had HIV.
Rickrickrickrickrick ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:57:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does hiv make it burn when you pee?
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:25:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not usually
SadGhoster87 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:46:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Typical Herdman; there was a lie in there somewhere, but she couldn't figure out where.
32Dog ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:05:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice rhymes, boys
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:24:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Cruxion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When the blood stopped coming out.
fr33andcl34r ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:03:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gave me an erection. And that's how I discovered kink.
Theolaa ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:31:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ouch
XxPnutBttr420xX ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just physically cringed, Jesus.
Vulvasaurus_rex ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:02:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to squeeze my balls as hard as I could trying to make them pop because.. Well.. I wanted them to pop I guess?
ChallenginGSociety ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:55:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck.
Henkersjunge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:57:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/popping (NSFL i guess) could be your thing, its about people popping things on their bodies.
EricBardwin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use to think urine was stored in the weiner itself and that there a syringe type device that plunged the liquid out.
discipula_vitae ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:22:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are plenty of adults who think the testicles store semen.
Lez_B_Proud ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They produce it, right?
mynaras ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:41:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not really. They produce sperm, but much of the fluid comes from the prostate.
Lez_B_Proud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, okay. Thank you!
fireork12 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:46:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait they're not?
NotTasty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:28:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it's a joke
DOUBLE_BATHROOM ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:17:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think we all thought that
_Death_Lotus_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:04:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought each nut had a specific job. Like my left nut was for peeing and my.right nut was for pooping :|
Biff_Tannenator ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:19:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I think the left one is the poopy ball... It doesn't hurt as much when I squeeze it"
"I don't want to have sex anymore"
CrazyKirby97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:49:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought they were holding tanks for urine and hitting them would squeeze them dry like little oranges.
I later learned what they really were and thought they were holding tanks for cum, and if you hit them you'd have a cumsplosion.
Rugmug33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still do.
phforNZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not too wrong, given the usual youngun misconception of sex (pee in them). :P
I-amthegump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Urine trouble if you believed that
Katyperrystwinsister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me it was the actual ball sack. Took me a while before a realized when I had to piss, i Didn't have a balloon ball sack.
rahyveshachr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I post this in pretty much every tread that asks about a childhood belief. I grew up with no brothers but 1 male cousin. Sometimes his balls looked huge and sometimes they were all shriveled up (cabin on a cold lake). So naturally I assumed the balls housed the bladder.
Exterminate_Duck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think my testicles were replacement eyeballs, and told my babysitter about this all the time.
I was a troubled child.
RigTheElection ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:49:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't we all?
DrMobius0 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you weren't that far off. They're holding tanks for different shit that comes out of your dick. (just the sperm. Semen comes from elsewhere)
Kraps ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:52:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is fantastic
romulusnr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:30:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We called my great-grandmother Grandmere and my great-grandfather Puppa and I thought that was their actual names for a long time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same for me, only we called them Poppy and Nanny.
tantalicatom689 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:51:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I ever saw my grandpas in the same room I went to go introduce them because there was no way they would know each other already. When I found out they already knew each other I tried to figure out from where. My 4 year old brain decided they must have met in the war and been war buddies
carifreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine my surprise when I found out my grandpa and grandma from my dads side also had the same names! And so did our neighbors..and some other family friends..?
This was all in a different language but you get the jist.
WarcraftFarscape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well is their last name "Berenstain"?
AngelicBastard ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:15:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean Berenstein.
WarcraftFarscape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What universe are you from!?
skyelint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do you feel about big butts now?
builttospilll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't it feel weird to type the word had twice in a row? Every time I do it it just feels wrong.
SpaceFace5000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you name your kid Grampa in a couple generations his grandkids are gonna laugh so hard you and your son Grampa will dad high five through death.
zanderkerbal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I assumed that my Aunt Rose's last name was Rose, because of course her first name was Aunt.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kim Kardashian must not have pooped in 20 years then!
[deleted] ยท 2672 points ยท Posted at 16:28:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the big sound barrier walls on the side of the highway were to keep back elephants.
I thought this because my father told me that's what they were for.
[deleted] ยท 1718 points ยท Posted at 17:39:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad would also tell lies, sometimes for effect and sometimes for no reason. For instance, he had a big scar on his arm and he told me it was from a bayonet. I knew he was in a war (Vietnam) so I never questioned it. Turns out he was pulling his friend out of a bar fight and got cut without even realizing it.
But the craziest one was this: He told me that he had once almost cut his thumb off while whittling. I heard this story a lot. I asked him what he was whittling, he said "A boat." I asked what other kinds of things he whittled and he said "mostly boats." I asked why I had never seen one and he said "because it got to the point where I had whittled so many boats and they were all over the house that my first wife [not my mom] threw them all away and I never whittled again." Fast forward 20+ years and I got him a whittling kit for his birthday. He called me to say he received it and mentioned he would "have to learn to whittle." I said "what do you mean? you used to whittle all those boats." And he was like "what?" So I told him the story he had told me and he started laughing hysterically. Crying laughing. Couldn't catch his breath. Turns out he had made the whole thing up. Apparently he had once cut his thumb whittling but it was the first time he had ever tried to whittle anything and he never did it again. My dad was a weird dude.
TL; DR- My dad tells me this elaborate lie about whittling. Years later I buy him a whittling kit and he is confused because he forgot the lie. I tell him the lie and he laughs himself silly at his own comic genius.
themadness1994 ยท 703 points ยท Posted at 18:34:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad sounds like my dad. He told me there were little gnome people in traffic lights changing the colors of the lights when I was a kid.
TheGlennDavid ยท 545 points ยท Posted at 18:45:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
There were, until automation ruined it. Now they're all unemployed.
Edit: I just hit 50K, and while I'm not certain it's this post it might have been. Thanks reddit :)
Mushyshoes ยท 251 points ยท Posted at 19:29:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope they're in the RedBox terminals now.
TheGlennDavid ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 19:32:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A growth industry if ever I saw one.
Greybear93 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:43:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, they're still pretty small.
TheGlennDavid ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:10:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was kidding.
It is an industry that exists purely because the studios are bad at licensing their content online in a sensible manner and ISP's are doing their best to throttle bandwidth and discourage streaming.
Redbox's business model is "hope those things never change."
Greybear93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was talking about the gnomes.
TheGlennDavid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:18:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hah, just got that, have some upvotes and get off Reddit Dad.
Gnomes are small, good stuff.
flyonawall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:59:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You guys are killing me.
GrizzBear97 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:32:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about ATMs? Do they let gnome people handle money?
MushroomToast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hope so, there's no way redbox has enough locations to employ all the out of work traffic light gnomes.
rai-kou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes soon to be unemployed
SpacePug6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that they steal underpants nowadays
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're in bank ATMs too. Who do you think gives you the money??
Sca4ar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stole our jobs !
Reiner_Locke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poor Kenny Baker...
the_norwegian_blue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
50k ?
That's quite the achievement.
/s
PM_ME_UR_FARTS ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:37:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG my mother told me the same thing. She told me they got annoyed if you pressed the 'walk' button too many times, and would make the wait longer.
Of course, as a grown-up, I know this not to be true. But when my husband and I were first dating, we were waiting at a crosswalk, and he kept pressing the button.
"Don't do that!" I said, like he was the stupidest man alive. "It makes it slower to change!"
"What? Why?"
"Because..." and then I realized, even if I thought I didn't believe in grouchy traffic light gnomes, some deep inner part of me totally, totally did.
Reader, he married me anyway.
ShoalinStyle36 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:12:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my Dad would see one of those signs on a cliff that says "Beware of Falling rocks" he would then spin a tale about a shunned Native American named chief falling rocks, who of course had gone rogue after being banished from civilization and his tribe alike. Now there are signs that read this to warn people that he has been sighted in the area throwing rocks on-top of cars. 6 year old me ate that shit up.
apileofcake ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:27:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me toll booth workers lived in an underground city under toll booths. When I asked if we could go visit them he told me they were very secretive and didn't let outsiders in.
It wasn't until I was 17 and drove through my first toll booth and asked the guy about it that I realized it was a lie...
hennell ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:49:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, that is how they work...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:49:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody told me that, but that's what I seriously thought! A little roly-poly guy with tiny legs who waddles around the light chamber with big light bulbs trying to shove them in place in time.
taylorguitar13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. I also made this assumption completely on my own, haha
drcosmokramer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:07:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 4 or 5 I asked my older brother how a radio worked. He told me there were little people inside it who did the talking, singing, etc.
SirToastyToes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told me the striped areas of parking lots were tractor parking spaces.
kvlxm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's just dads having a laugh, that's the type of shit my dad and uncles do with their kids, idk maybe it's an English thing.
butter_onapoptart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me to never put batteries in wrong or the device would explode and kill you. When I saw someone about to f it up, I would act like a grenade was about to go off. I did this for an embarrassingly long time.
Nosafune ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to post about this belief I had, but I don't know my dad. I just had this idea
NinjaWizard1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think there were little people inside ATMs. Obviously I did not understand the acronym.
locatedtaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to post this. However, my dad didn't tell me this. I discovered this stupidity myself.
itsmybirthday523 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me the same thing! I think we all have the same dad...
newenglandredshirt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No one ever told me this. I came to the conclusion on my own. Except it was tiny monkeys, not gnomes.
Archvalor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You guys all have the dad from Calvin and Hobbes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/explainlikeimcalvin
I_AM_YOUR_DADDY_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's true that's where your brother Donnie went.
jobonso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like Calvin's dad!
littlebritches420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandpa did the same thing. And I plan on being equally ridiculous
PM_ME_YOUR_FAT_BUTT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I always though streetlights were controlled by people watching for through cameras or something. Like an air traffic controller room but for traffic lights.
SpudsMcGugan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a show about this called the lampies or something like that
Ofreo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They built a new Target store near my house and had these big red concrete balls in front of the door to keep cars from running into people and the store. I told my son they killed giant clowns to but under the building to support the store but their noses stick out of the ground. He asked about it the next time trying to figure out if I was serious. He was only 4 at the time. Now we joke about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similarly enough, I thought that tiny bears lived in traffic lights. When the lights were read that means the bears were sleeping. Green was awake, and yellow was busy.
And I completely made it up by myself.
wheelbarrow_theif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me there were little men inside the radio speakers.
Proxy_umbra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait so there aren't gnomes in traffic lights???
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They are also under the hood of your car making the noises and powering it. When you fuel up your car you're actually putting in food for them
glisp42 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:42:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad would drink, he would womanize. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
OviraptorGaming ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:06:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My uncle had a scar behind his ear and he always told me it was from a Velociraptor attack. I believed him too.
Euchre ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:09:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I find your father to be... dubious.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As you should. He also held outrageous beliefs like "lotion doesn't work."
Southern_Kisses ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:24:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
My dad had a game where he would see how much crap he could make us believe.
Examples:
-you don't want those gumballs, gumballs are made by sticking a rock in a cows lip until it gets soft.
-teriyaki pork on a stick was actually cat meat.
-the wind comes from a giant fan outside of town. I wanted to be the person that turns on the fan.
-we had our dryer give out so we got a used one. It was off balance and so it would sometimes shake the whole house. When asked what that shaking was, he told us that it was the day changing from Monday to Tuesday.
-this special sauce my mom made for some meat we had. My dad loved it but I never knew what it tasted like.... Because he told us it was earwax sauce
-mom wanted a palm tree in our yard. Instead of buying one, my dad went to an island and dug one up. To transplant it, you had to dig all of the sand out of the roots. He didn't want to so he told us that pirates bury treasure maps at the bottom of palm trees. Gotta hand it to him... It was pretty effective.
-there's a little man in the fridge that turns the light on when you open it.
-if you eat too much candy, your brain will melt out of your ears. Candy was replaced with whatever he wanted us to stop doing, like bickering, watching TV, talking too much.
-when we were "bored" he'd tell us to watch a movie. We'd tell him "but dadddddd we've already seen all the movies on the shelf" and he would insist that we definitely blinked at sometime during the movie therefore missed some of the best parts.
I've told some of these before on Reddit I think.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some of those are very creative
HBlight ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:44:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whittle did he know that it would come back to him one day.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:04:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad has a huge scar on his side and he always told me he was attacked by a shark. My mom told me many years later that it was from a surgery he had as a kid.
Imsomagic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:34:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad has told similar lies, but enough of them have been proven to be true that no one in the family knows what to believe. It also helps that, when cornered, my dad has the ability to strum his guitar, say "that's a story for another day" and leave you standing their contemplating the veracity of what he just said as he makes his escape.
TriceraScotts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was around 6 my dad and I were driving down the road. There was a dog in a car we passed with his head out the window. I remarked on how cute he looked. My dad responded with "yeah, it's really cute until you see a Golden Retriever's head on the side of the road."
My dad was a firefighter for 30+ years, and I knew he responded to traffic accidents pretty regularly. I assumed he had seen a Golden Retriever's head on the side of the road, and I spent at least five years horrified that people let their dogs sick their heads out of the windows of their cars.
I finally asked my dad about went people did that, and he just laughed at me. He didn't even remember saying that. It was a confusing time for me.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:42:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck is whittling?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is carving an object from a block of wood with a small knife
ohyeahthatguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:12:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ExplainLikeImCalvin
redjedi182 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So my dad. I used to ask him questions to stupid things like how televisions worked, how our country came about, just curious shit. Anything he told me I would retain and assume correct. I learned to stop raising my hand in school.
ThatRandomRussian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:37:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad has a scar on his stomach from surgery and he told me when I was 3 that he fought ninjas on a roof and he got a cut on his stomach. I believed this til I was 10 when I asked my mom about it and she told me that it was a lie.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's funny is I've told my mom things about my dad that she thought were a lie that were actually true. Within the past year I mentioned that my dad had a close friend die in combat in Vietnam while they were both escaping gunfire. She said that wasn't true because my dad worked a desk job in Vietnam. I had his papers and could see he had combat stars, which only get for engaging the enemy. I also had talked to a friend of his from the service. He lied to my mom to avoid talking about how bad it was.
shannonin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandpa only had half his big toe and he told us that a frog bit it off while he was swimming in his pool, we were scared of frogs for years. Later found out it was an on the job injury from when he worked at Weyerhaeuser.
31521172014525 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should buy your dad the book "big fish" seeing as it's about him and all.
CrazyKirby97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Question: did your dad ever actually attempt whittling after he got the kit?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:16:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not that I am aware of. I cleaned out his apartment after he passed and found the kit but nothing whittled. Kit didn't look used. My dad had some depression issues and likely just put it to the side and forgot about it. I found several presents I'd gotten him through the years still sealed. Things that I knew he liked.
yParticle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, possibly bayonet.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unlikely, but yes.
eekstatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is your dad the guy from Big Fish? Because I love that movie.
theKerrie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Dad used to tell me ridiculous stories like that. He told me dolphins were hairy because they are mammals and most mammals are hairy. When you see dolphins in captivity they have to shave them because the water is warmer, not like the sea. And they do the same in movies because they don't film in the actual ocean and most people know them without hair so if they all had hair people would freak out. He told me my Grandad used to shave dolphins for a living (after his career as an underwater brick layer, yet another fantastic fatherly lie).
Believed it for years.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:45:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is one elaborate tale.
Tupnado21 ยท 266 points ยท Posted at 16:42:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna get drunk with him and have him explain the world to me.
[deleted] ยท 413 points ยท Posted at 16:43:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't even scratch the surface of the lies that man told me. When questioned about it recently he told me "That's why I had kids, to mess with them"
Tupnado21 ยท 102 points ยท Posted at 16:44:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i wanna hear your dad stories, pleaseeeee
[deleted] ยท 302 points ยท Posted at 16:51:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He told me he was born on the Serengeti in Africa.
He told me he was born during a massive blizzard (he was born in the summer).
While on family road trips he would routinely tell me we were lost.
There were a litany of others, but those were a couple of his favorites that he repeated multiple times
grissomza ยท 178 points ยท Posted at 17:31:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being lost may have been true
ReigninLikeA_MoFo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:48:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're never lost, just misplaced.
klatnyelox ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:31:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not all who wander are lost.
yoboijoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yah-SUUUU-O!
klatnyelox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:37:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. No.
See, Riot Games took that quote, from J. R. R. Tolkein, and changed it to apply to that character.
That character ACTUALLY says "A wanderer isn't always lost."
yoboijoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haven't played him in a while, so I figured you were inferring the league version.
klatnyelox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:01:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. Also I got a little bitchy about it there. Sorry.
nicolasyodude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*drives in circles around the house
"SON WE'RE LOST"
maracusdesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am somewhat of an explorer, as in I like to get lost when I am somewhere for the first time and having to figure out how to reach my destination without a GPS.
I don't care if I get lost along the way, because I like walking and looking at things.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No because he wouldn't say anything
RudeMorgue ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:23:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On a trip to Yellowstone, I told my brother that the Grand Teton mountains were owned by China, and that's where they grew tea, "Teton" being Chinese for "Tea Mountain."
ThirdFloorGreg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:52:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's silly. Every knows they're owned by France.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:36:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told us that his first language wasn't English; it was Sanskrit.
It was English.
-Mantis ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:12:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me the same thing WTF. He told me that because he was a very independent child (true) and he went around on his own a lot as a very little kid (true) he learned Sanskrit first (false).
Ur_favourite_psycho ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:40:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My family told me they found me under a bush.
ThirdFloorGreg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:52:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well...
Solaire141 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:17:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn being born during a massive blizzard in the African Serengeti? Was that the time all those volcanoes exploded and velociraptors fell from the sky?
wiiya ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:07:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Calvin?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:10:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, but now that I think about it my dad might be a fan
wetshades0fbloo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well aren't summer and winter flipped depending on which part of the world you live in?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:34:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The part of the world I live in rules it out pretty decisively
MacFluffle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:32:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me that the wires around small trees in downtown were because they were "wild" trees. He also told me that feral cats lived on the moon at night. I can't tell you how many times we went shopping and he had me searching for a can of "Howhaveyou Beans"
nthai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should read some Calvin and Hobbes.
I_AM_YOUR_DADDY_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AMA
Beard_of_Valor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The entire premise of Calvin's dad
I_AM_YOUR_DADDY_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let's do it i got the booze bring the cigars
thebeef111 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 20:42:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad lied to me all the time growing up. Sometimes to an unbelievable extent. Growing up 4-5 years old (preschool and kindergarten), my (stay at home) dad always told me that he worked for the Pentagon at night and my mom worked at the car wash (helicopter would pick him up at night and he'd be back by morning) I had no idea what the pentagon even was, I just took it at face value since I was so young. I had no idea how jobs worked.
So in kindergarten, we were sharing what our parents did for a living. Obviously I told them my dad worked at the Pentagon and my mom worked at the car wash. My parents ended up getting a phone call from the school that day because the school wanted to make sure I wasn't disclosing any "confidential government material".
Turns out my dad is a professional musician and my mom is a nurse/lawyer. el. oh. el.
Savor_The_Flavor ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:54:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calvin?
SouthWindThrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/explainlikeimcalvin
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:36:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL those walls are actually sound barriers.
owningmclovin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:31:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Depending on where you live it might even be justifiably true. India?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:35:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not unless Chicago used to have a real elephant problem
themightiestduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, Chicago is more of a Bear town.
fireork12 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:36:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ExplainLikeImCalvin
nickrulz11 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:57:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of an old, classic ad for Telstra here in Australia. Kid in the car with his dad and asks dad "Why did the build the Great Wall of China?"
Dad replies "well... It was built by General Nasi Goreng to keep the rabbits out, too many rabbits in China" and then the kid delivers that as a report to his class.
That dad and son had a whole series of ads with similar situations.
jackdontletmego ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me I was part Sherpa. And that I shouldn't be afraid of heights because my ancestors used to climb Everest all the time. I told multiple teachers that i was part Sherpa... Until 8th grade.
WMD_RightChair ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:44:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One time I asked my mom what that sound was when the car would run over the rumble strips on the highway. She said it was the car running over "lines on the road" but at the time I thought she said "lions". So for YEARS in my mind these lions were some how running into the street and getting tangled up under our car and roaring in pain, causing the noise.
Caleb_Krawdad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:34:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, have you ever seen an elephant on the highway?
yaosio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Our zoo had a bird house and there was a door near the front that claimed to keep elephants in it.
katelyst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the high rise buildings in the city were dinosaurs. It was a confusing time.
GamerKiwi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad lies are the best/worst. I thought the family computer's CD drive was put there to eat kids who play with the computer!
2cartalkers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aren't they?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:00:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The jokes gonna be on him once he starts to go senile
LanMarkx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my 3 kids will enjoy this. Thanks for the dad joke!
ImNobodyFromNowhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my experience, the barriers have a 100% success rate at preventing elephants from getting on the highways
JenniferMcKay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When we were in Florida, my mom told me that the break wall was to keep out sea monsters.
naturaldrpepper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calvin?
briibeezieee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know the walls were for sound! Make sense....
BeepBloopBeep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I told my son they were to keep alligators out. (Thanks Florida!!) He still tells me this randomly when we're driving. Glad I taught the kid something.
bigswifty86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your father is the equivalent to the father from 'Calvin & Hobbes'.
SalchichaChistosa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad is a pretty tan guy. Except he's not tan like you think of a tan person. It's hard to explain. I remember asking while he was so tan and he told me that his father was black. It was a long time until I found out that I, the pale read head, was not 1/4 black.
FancyPants1983 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad used to tell us they were to keep the monkeys off the road! I'm from a very small town and now I'm sad because we only saw them in big cities, like Detroit. I'm not sure if he was making a racist remark or just being silly. I've never known my dad to be at all racist, so I'm going to stay in my happy place and go with silly.
Pikalika ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL these are sound barrier walls and not just walls
Thats_classified ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait those are for sound?? I never really contemplated what they were there for. I knew it was to divide residences from the highway, but are they really for sound???
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, they are
MOHHpp3d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL of Sound Barrier Walls.
Thought they were just ordinary walls for decoration.
Arancaytar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Best dad.
Thirteenlucky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calvin?
andwhyshouldi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was also told this!
dc8291 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a wooden one of those in my area that my grandfather calls the "King Kong wall."
thefrankyg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told my brother that eye drops were tears squeezed from,cadaver rear ducts. My poor brother was falling for it until my dad laughed.
glaring-oryx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll throw in my story of a ridiculous lie my dad told me and my brother. When I was little my dad was a navigator/bombadier in the Air Force on the B-52. He mentioned once that he flew over our elementary school and said the next time he did it he could drop a bomb on the school if me and my brother would like. We both thought this was awesome because we didn't like school (but not realizing a bomb getting dropped on it would be really bad for us). Every day for the next little while at recess whenever a B-52 would fly over I would look up expecting a bomb to fall out onto the school. When it didn't I just assumed it wasn't my dad's B-52.
MetallicOrangeBalls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ExplainLikeImCalvin
upvotepenguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Driving through West Virginia in the mountains there are signs that say look out for falling rocks. My grandfather decided to tell 6 year old me that "falling rock" was the name of a famous Cherokee Indian and that we should be careful and stay on the lookout for him. I have never been so attentive in my life.
John_Barlycorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your father was a great man.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:59:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the good ol father white lie
dMarrs ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:13:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me that if you suck on a black womans titties you get chocolate milk. I wasnt even 5 and I called bullshit.
Yurithewomble ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:56:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And you also still think they are the sound barrier?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:07:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yes
Yurithewomble ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:15:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is an interesting link thanks, although the sound barrier is very different to noise barriers :)
CHUCKNORRIS1369 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:50:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/explainlikeimcalvin
magimon02 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:23:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/explainlikeimcalvin
InvisiblePingu1n ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:38:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please remove the word "sound" in this comment
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No
nexalph ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:00:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ExplainLikeImCalvin
weedy_bongzales ยท 506 points ยท Posted at 16:55:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was terrified of Charlie Chaplin. He was in my nightmares. I thought he was evil personified.
pjabrony ยท 1012 points ยท Posted at 18:50:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right mustache, wrong guy.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:59:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Groucho would have made an excellent villain, as a serious role.
trentymill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:14 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if he was a Jew in his past life?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:15:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As many times as I've seen that movie I can't remember the ending.
phforNZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie Chaplin, along with the nazis, were defeated by UN dinosaurs, iirc
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:33:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you sure you aren't thinking of Kung Fury?
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They UN-nazi'd (nazied?) the world.
UrbanGimli ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:35:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was me seeing Frank Zappa on Snl while my parents and their friends were partying. He looked like the personification of evil/the devil.
WheelyBob ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:32:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Always nice to have the context and opportunity to remind the world that Zappa named his kids Moon Unit, Dweezle, Diva Muffin, and Ahmet.
creamyjoshy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:16:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But.. why??
DedParrot63 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:52:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in fourth grade, our teacher read Harriet the Spy to us and it mentions that Harriet hated Charlie Chaplin movies. That stuck with me a long time, thinking I should dislike Chaplin too.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:11:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, me too! Over 250 upvotes so we're not alone
weedy_bongzales ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WE ARE NOT ALONE. JOIN US
AlphaGavin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:02:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad knew we were afraid of Charlie Chaplin so he kept a portrait of him in front of the electrical outlets so we wouldn't mess with it.
xargon666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lisa? shot in the dark
GarethPW ยท 2457 points ยท Posted at 15:58:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that islands were actually land floating on the sea and that you could swim under them if you tried.
slowhand88 ยท 1071 points ยท Posted at 16:26:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a US Congressman now?
[deleted] ยท 397 points ยท Posted at 17:52:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How did he get elected...
coleosis1414 ยท 1126 points ยท Posted at 18:38:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know when you go to the polls to vote for President, and there are all of these other candidates for elected office, and you have no idea who they are or even the nature of the positions they're running for, so you just randomly tick the boxes because the only candidates you know anything about are the presidential candidates?
That's how.
Chillaxbro ยท 159 points ยท Posted at 20:07:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:(
Ive been guilty of this - I'll admit it
[deleted] ยท 308 points ยท Posted at 20:25:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
1337lolguyman ยท 227 points ยท Posted at 20:56:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You might want to reword that. It sounds like you are trying to say that you should always make uneducated votes.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:36:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
ForsakenSon ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 21:50:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like there is no vote better than an uneducated vote
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 21:55:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
TLema ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:04:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hail Hydra
KlausBaudelaire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's no vote like an uneducated vote because an uneducated vote is mandatory.
RegularGoat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:26:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought voting in the US was optional?
KlausBaudelaire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:08 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is. =D I was referencing a scene from 30 Rock, just because the sentence structure seemed similar.
Toadhead ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:52:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The way you phrased it makes it sound like no other method of voting is as good as uneducated voting.
emngaiden ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:14:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here in Mรฉxico, home of fajitas and corruption, the politic group that is actually in charge of the presidency takes all the empty votes and mark them to they favor.
HangingPluto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mmm fajitas and corruption
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:11:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well you better not do it again!
Euchre ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:14:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Christmas tree that ballot, baby!
Captainguymandude ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:54:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Its almost like they should put something in the voting booths that lists the beliefs/positions on issues of every candidate.
D-Shap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:00:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Its very common, even has a name. Its called ballot fatigue
MrRumfoord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:46:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smartphones have hopefully brought about a reduction in this.
SatanicCatVideo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:25:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"People elect the politicians they deserve"
CornbreadAndBeans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly how this guy got elected to chairman of the Travis county Republican party. He is absolutely hilarious.
coleosis1414 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HAH! Dude, I actually live in Austin! That's amazing.
CornbreadAndBeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same here, compatriot. Rob Morrow is nuts but he cracks me up and hopefully this will be a lesson to people about just taking wild guesses on the ballot.
cynoclast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I don't know who they are, I write in Cthulu, or myself.
ADustedEwok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay Baylor basketball.
NICKisICE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's why no matter how hard anyone tries you can't get rid of Feinstein. She's like AIDS, unless we make some kind of breakthrough it's there until death. That she probably caused.
Balony1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do these people get alot of power/influence? How long has this been happening and why dont more people focus on these guys?
coleosis1414 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess you're not American?
Okay so basically, people are just pretty apathetic about politics in general. The presidential election is all over the news, so most people who go to the polls ONLY know about those two candidates. However, on Election Day, you step up to a ballot where they have listed every candidate for every office. And congressmen are there too but most Americans don't even know who their local senate or house representative is. So because congressmen are so immune to the spotlight (because of general apathy and ignorance), they do shady shit and, even scarier, believe crazy ass things. Like that the world is 6,000 years old, for example. We actually have politicians who are convinced of that specifically.
So yes, considerable power and influence gained by being able to sneak into relevance through boring public offices nobody pays attention to.
deadcelebrities ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't... does anybody actually do this??
NorthBlizzard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funny how if he was a Republican the reply to the comment asking how he got elected would be "corruption" or "dumbass conservative voters" yet since he's a Democrat it's just a whoopsie.
hcelestem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This comment needs way more recognition.
an_admirable_admiral ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:27:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does this also explain how Hillary got 71% of vote in Georgia
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:13:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was a 4-1 joke
blackmist ยท 194 points ยท Posted at 18:24:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People are always shocked to find the politicians they've put in power are actually complete fucking idiots.
They didn't take a special "how to run the country" class at school. They typically just took a pile of their father's money and paid people to say what was needed for you to put a tick in a box.
flyonawall ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:58:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I realized this many years ago when I briefly dated a man who turned out to be a decent chess player but otherwise pretty much an idiot (and kind of creepy). He ran for office and almost made it. He was so close to holding office, I realized at that moment what fucking idiots we all are to allow that to happen.
i_hardly_knowername ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:17:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
chillameure ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like his school didn't even have a geography class.
CornbreadAndBeans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes they don't even need a pile of money, they just happen to be the first name on the ballot so you end up electing Robert Morrow
Beard_of_Valor ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:04:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which segues into my initial reaction
CalcBros ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:42:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm quite sure he was talking metaphorically to make a point. That 8,000 troops would be difficult to sustain on an island that small without a huge impact on the island from a commercial and environmental standpoint. Deadpan humor, as stated in the article.
laxation1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:25:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It didn't sound at all like a metaphor, he sounded like an idiot who thought islands would capsize.
Did you watch the video? He does hand movements showing an island tipping and everything!
pug_grama2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:31:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He also sounds like he is stoned or drunk.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He was recovering from some kind of illness at the time that caused him confusion and left him "an empty shell of a man". He tried to pass it off as a joke but I think a combination of confusion and probably a dash of stupidity are to blame.
purdu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:44:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no, he came out and said he had hep C and that interfered with his mental acuity and made him forget how islands work
CalcBros ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:54:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ouch. That is scary on many levels.
Breezy_Eh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:56:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was April Fools day....
Xalteox ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:24:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The speech was actually said on March 25th, it just became popular on April Fools that people thought it was a joke.
GrizzBear97 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:28:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, it was March 25. It got popular on April fools day
Dubaku ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turns out he was just making a joke that got out of hand.
Gnivil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know anything about the case, but I'd imagine he was being hyperbolic and people took his words literally.
purdu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nah, he claimed his hep C made him forget how islands work
DreadAngel1711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he didn't write his own speeches
romulusnr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Millions of idiots can't be wrong. Democracy!
redskelton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In Georgia is how he got elected
algernon_moncrief ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i think he has health problems
thenapkinthief5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least he was concerned about global warming
PotaterBaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine that during his campaign, nobody asked him what he thought about how islands work.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 22:33:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good grief are you guys slow. It is like all of reddit is dominated by tiny Ralph Wiggums.
The man is obviously using what we adults refer to as a metaphor here. He is talking about the environmental balance of the island (balance is big for Buddhists, he happens to be one).
purdu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no he wasn't he had hep C and said that was interfering with his mental acuity and made him forget how islands work
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:55:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry Ralph, but that's not how Hep C nor confusion works...
It was an obvious metaphor.
purdu ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:12:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So why if it was a metaphor why would he bring up these concerns about the island tipping over and then say he is "also" concerned about the environmental impact and when the Admiral responded as if it was a serious question he doesn't bother clarifying or correcting, if the metaphor doesn't land then it was poor communication. Watch the video, he sounds stoned out of his mind, fatigue and confusion from Hep C makes more sense than an attempt at a shitty metaphor
zombiehog ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:36:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Georgia. That is how.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 22:38:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is a metaphor.
I don't know if you use big words like that where you come from, but metaphor means that you use an image of sorts to describe some specific situation.
In this case he is suggesting a tiny island in the middle of the ocean might be ecologically devastated if a huge military base is expanded.
He is a Buddhist so it makes a lot of sense to use such a metaphor. The religion talks a whole lot about balance and equilibrium and such stuff.
Please be ashamed about how ignorant you are.
laxation1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:24:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It didn't sound like a metaphor when he is making hand movements of an island flipping over and capsizing. Did you watch the video?
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 01:39:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
You really, really have no clue what the word metaphor means, huh? It's OK...just goole it and Uncle_Google will let you know.
I always wonder why they put those stupid warning labels on different commodities. You know the ones I am talking about? Like this one on washers: "Do not put any person in this washer".
If you actually read the congressman literally here, I suppose you are one of the folks that need literal explanations for how to use a washer.
zombiehog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha. Haha. Hahahahaha. No.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 02:13:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess folks in Georgia are just idiots then, huh?
Lived in Georgia for a few years. So, FYI, DeKalb county is not some redneck outpost. It is more or less packed with transplants from the Midwest and Northeast. The place is pretty similar to places like Long Island, NY or Bellevue, WA.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:25:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because his constituents are Democrats.
ryanderson11 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was on April 1st that this happened. It's right there in the link. Half the article is on the history of April 1st
Mikal_Scott ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's a democrat...he just offered his constituents free shit.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:35:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Johnson: Yeah, my fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize."
"Willard: We don't anticipate that ..."
Man, nothing teaches you to roll with the bullshit quite like being in the military.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:29:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck do you answer that with a straight face?
"Well, sir, that's not how a fucking island works."
HatchetToGather ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:25:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah the fucking tact on that admiral.
"...We don't anticipate that..."
AsAGayJewishDemocrat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:09:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:23:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Was that not just hyperbole?
Djaesthetic ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:55:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me: "HAAAA HAHAHAHA!!! What an idiot!!! What state elected this dumbass?!?
...oh. Oh shit. That'd be my state... And still in office..." sigh
ImAWizardYo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:33:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well played by the admiral. I don't think I could have carried on.
Yalnix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:08:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know this guy IRL. Really fucking hope not.
Peanutbuttered ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:52:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These are the people running our country.
dustarook ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:51:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL that a US Congressman believed islands were capable of capsizing.
LibertyTerp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a Democratic politician. You can't make fun of him on Reddit.
Bernie_Brewer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:34:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a Republican, the second I saw that I thought "oh fuck no, what did we do now"
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Off topic but did the admiral's nameplate in the video say Adolf Hitler?
pixlepize ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always love how the other guy just takes it in stride. I would probably just stare at the congressman for a good minute before laughing my ass off for another 5, but he's just "we don't anticipate that happening"
tehsushichef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck.
scotscott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the funny part isn't the guy who thought guam would tip over, but rather the guy who presumably had to have the credentials to convince him it wouldn't with congressional testimony.
Imperium_Dragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Um...miles...Um 12 or so...Um coral reefs and global warming um..."
Martinda1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Congressman :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could not be that admiral. I would have laughed hysterically and called him out on his stupidity. Instead, we get "Uh, well, we don't anticipate that." But I'd guess the admiral is thinking "you fucking idiot..."
the_master_of_memes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"The island will become so overly-populated and capsize."
"We don't anticipate that"
I applaud Willard's tenacity. That's tamer than anything I could have possibly said
omnichronos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hope he wasn't reelected after that display of stupidity.
cryptoengineer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you listen to the whole speech in context, he's using a colorful metaphor for too many people overwhelming the island's infrastructure. He did not literally thing the island would capsize. He's a politician, so the odds of his also being an idiot are high, but ridicule should be based in what he actually says, not lazy misunderstandings of it.
wicked-dog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let's not overlook the fact that he doesn't know the word narrowest.
emk101011 ยท 166 points ยท Posted at 16:27:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then, if you build a military base on one side, they could tip over.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/hank-johnson-worries-guam-could-capsize-after-marine-buildup/
Fadman_Loki ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:01:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
/r/nottheonion
akm-scout ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:33:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wat
cryptoengineer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:25:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you listen to the whole speech in context, he's using a colorful metaphor for too many people overwhelming the island's infrastructure. He did not literally thing the island would capsize. He's a politician, so the odds of his also being an idiot are high, but ridicule should be based in what he actually says, not lazy misunderstandings of it.
tsunami845 ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 16:23:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well...
allenselmo ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 16:24:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop looking at floating islands, tsunami!
kaliforniamike ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:41:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I started looking for a good gif of a tsunami hitting land but now I'm all depressed. Such senseless tragedy...
anneylani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yes and "stop looking at me swan!"
bear__attack ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:14:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made perfect sense to me, too! I figured that was how you told the difference between a continent and an island - a continent was too big to swim under. That's why Australia was a continent, even though it looked like an island.
CountHonorius ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:00:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This. Islands were anchored to the bottom of the sea with giant chains...
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:36:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, cough cough, how could you think something so cough dumb?!?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:31:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For fuck sakes I still thought that!! I thought that continents were connected to the earth and islands were floating. Ffs
TheTurtleyTurtle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn Incredibles made me think this.
ScottyGates8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:21:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't seen the movies in ages, what scene made you think that?
TheTurtleyTurtle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:54:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When the plane flies under the island.
GHUltimate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:16:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey I'm not the only one!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:25:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too!
NotAVP ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:44:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait... They're not?!
photonuclear_roo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:00:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was my response too, I'm glad I'm not alone
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:27:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of my classmates believed this. We were in middle school.
windyfish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:53:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well have you ever tried?
Born2dodishes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:27:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone played a little too much Donkey Kong 64.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this a joke about a glitch in the game?
FR_STARMER ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too and was baffled when I found out it wasn't true.
few23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similar, but I believed land was held up by scaffolding built by scuba-diving welders. I think I had misunderstood something I had seen on tv, and had it exacerbated by my Dad. Exposed in front of entire kindergarten class when I thought I was being all smart and answering the question, "Where did the land come from?" To be fair, this was also the teacher who told her class that lipstick was made from pasteurized human feces. So, I guess that was another one.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who is 19 and still believed this up until a couple weeks ago.
BOBIDDY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that too! I thought scuba divers could swim down and see across the continent, like it was a flat rock sitting about 50 feet off the ocean floor.
Meester_Tweester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
aren't some of them not connected to the ground underwater?
Arbiter707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, all islands are firmly connected. There could be masses of logs or trash floating around big enough to be small islands, but that's the only exception I can think of.
Efrajm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know better until middle school.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL
TPtheRedditFinn ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boy, i do feel dumb now... How could i not know this? They never taught this in school. Yeah, that's right, i'll blame the government! Fuck the po-po i'mma go jaywalk across the street at night!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:05:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you trying to be edgy?
That's okay. I'm a bit of an edgelord (in my mind) myself.
360Saturn ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:20:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didnt realise this wasn't the case until I was well into my 20s...
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 2046 points ยท Posted at 16:02:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I spent my first 8 years in Russia where sex was a topic that was never discussed. As a result, I had no idea about it. I mean, none.
I thought that babies came as a result of liking someone a lot. I had a huge crush on some boy in my 1st grade class and at one point when I was constipated, I thought it was our child forming. I remember thinking, "oh no, I'm too young for this!"
NESoteric ยท 691 points ยท Posted at 19:24:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents NEVER discussed sex at all, never with me, and I was incredibly ignorant of it for the longest time. When I was 11, we had "sex ed" but all they did was tell us about the changes to our bodies (like boys got to learn about male puberty and girls only learned about female puberty) When they told us about semen they said: Every now and then, semen comes out and can impregnate the girl. They didn't tell us how this happens, but they told us about wet dreams, so I figured parents slept together and the man would have a wet dream, and that was how it worked. I also had NO idea what girls had downstairs til a year or two later when we got a computer and I found porn. Then I understood how it worked. I also didn't realize that what I was doing was masturbating til I put context clues together from other kids joking about it.
Zirai ยท 311 points ยท Posted at 21:20:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha. My parents told me something similar. The speech was something along the lines of "When a mommy and daddy like each other and kiss and stuff, something from the daddy goes into the mommy to make a baby."
Based on the explanation, I assumed that kissing was the important part and it was some substance inside saliva that caused babies to happen. They weren't very amused when I started asking them why two mommies couldn't have a baby in front of my very conservative grandparents.
TheBlackBear ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 01:40:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude I actually thought at some point one of my dad's balls would travel up through his body, out his mouth, and into my mom's while they were making out.
ianthebalance ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:27:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...what?!!!
TheBlackBear ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:22:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was really young and it was the only thing that made sense at the time.
you_got_fragged ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:31:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
O_____O
PacSan300 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 21:35:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some record store (Tower Records IIRC) had an ad where the kid asked his dad where babies came from. The dad's answer began: "When a man loves a woman, they're gettin' jiggy with it..."
My parents are open about sex and talked to me about it from an early age, but I didn't hear anything about oral sex until maybe middle school. Initially I thought kissing = oral sex.
Zarbi92 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:28:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought oral sex meant talking dirty :/
Lez_B_Proud ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:38:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's kind of adorable, because it totally makes sense in a way.
Like, as a kid, you might know that oral means words/mouth. So, oral sex would be word or mouth sex.
Zarbi92 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:43:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't learn until I was 17. I found out by asking a guy during a cyber session if he could call so we could have some "hot oral". At 13-17 I thought it meant phone sex. Before that was the whole "dirty talk" but I did know what fellatio and cunnilingus meant since I was 11.
Lez_B_Proud ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:56:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's interesting--I knew what fellatio was maybe in middle school, but I didn't figure out what cunnilingus was till my sophomore year, via the internet.
I'm a goddamn lesbian
Zarbi92 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:00:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gay.
I also got an encyclopedia set when I was around 10. I would just sit and read it. That's how I learned every "dirty" word i knew at those ages. I remember attempting to cyber with some guy at 12 saying things like "I perform fellatio on your penis"oh god. The cringe.
Lez_B_Proud ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:11:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahaha, oh god that's hilarious. I could definitely see myself doing that and thinking I was such a badass for it.
Zarbi92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I definitely thought I was a badass. The weird thing is they totally went along with it. So it was like,
Me: I perform fellatio on your penis
Them: I enjoy the fellatio and breathe heavily
Me: continue fellatio while you breathe heavily
Them: I ejaculate
Me: I ejaculate
So many hours of being a horny teen with clinical view of cyber sex. Jesus. I am actually embarrassed thinking back on it!
The worst was my mum printing out chat logs when she was trying to catch my father cheating :/. So much awkward.
Lez_B_Proud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhhhh god, that's just terrible. I'm honestly feeling the secondhand embarrassment of that. Jesus.
But the first part is hilarious, though.
Blue_Dragon360 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:49:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Secondhand cringe is worse than first-hand cringe
Kate2point718 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:39:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing about kissing--I thought some chemicals were exchanged during a kiss and it led to a baby. It made sense to me. I also thought that something about a wedding ceremony sort of activated those chemicals.
I heard about a woman who had several children without being married and I thought that was really interesting. I assumed she was some kind of medical marvel.
bones_27 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:57:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother explained it as 'a game mummy and daddy play'. Of course I responded with 'who wins?' Apparently she always won. Still creeps me out to this day that that's a feasible explanation in a parents mind...
definitewhitegirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:20:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a few years ago for my 25th bday a bunch of friends and I went to the LA Zoo to celebrate (being animal and beer lovers, what could go wrong?)
I'm pretty tipsy and we're at the giraffe enclosure, there's a family next to us: mom and dad were in their early/mid 30's with a young child around 4-5 and another small child in a stroller around 1... a super cute baby giraffe starts making his/her way around the compound and gets pretty close to us with her mom and I hear the older child say "daddy where did that baby giraffe come from?!" in a very innocent tone, he was not asking a literal question.... clearly annoyed father in sunglasses pushing the stroller casually says "its mothers' vagina, just like you did son, we've talked about this. giraffe's have sex just like mommy and I did, the same way we had your little brother." .......mom was taking pictures of the giraffes and not really paying attention but my friend and I heard the whole thing and had to walk away confused and laughing. totally cool, raise your kids how you like but damn the kid was so confused, clearly still not understanding the science of it all.
hopefully they took them to the zebras next where the male had his huge dick out trying to penetrate everything, and then to the monkey enclosure where they just spent the whole time licking each other's asses.
at 25, I learned to never take my children to a zoo if I didn't want to talk about "nature"
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:58:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
definitewhitegirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:49 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yeah she's into the science part of it which is cool! when she gets curious about the "hows" you should say aliens and see if she takes your word for it! i mean what's the point of having a kid if you don't mess with them a little right? :)
Answer_the_Call ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:09 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the truth will mess with her enough! Heheheh.
thegreenrobby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had this exact misconception. I had an understanding of evolution, and was confused why sperm (created ALL the way down there) would have to travel through your whole body to get into your mouth. Seemed so inefficient.
I also had never seen what was on the inside of a condom package, so I figured it was something like a nicotine patch.
Drowned_In_Spaghetti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, technically speaking, two mommies did have a baby.
Brunoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a fairly normal post but They weren't very amused when I started asking them why two mommies couldn't have a baby in front of my very conservative grandparents made it damn awesome!
GiantRobotLazerFish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents never really gave me the talk. Once, when i was in the car with my dad at about the age of 12 and he looks at me and says, " i think its time we talk about sex." I just said "nope" and put my headphones on.
RageCage42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me, because sex was always referred to as "sleeping together" or "sleeping with" someone, I assumed that sleeping in the same bed caused it to happen, like some kind of osmosis that happens when you share the same space while you're sleeping on a regular basis. If I thought really hard about it, I may have occasionally thought that prolonged skin-on-skin contact might be necessary, but I never got that far in my train of thought very often until sex ed class in 5th grade.
D-Shap ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:03:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should read freud. He thinks everything boils down to sex and has a lot about talking to kids about sex.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:29:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
NESoteric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, the stuff we try to piece together with no knowledge.
I was lucky by the time I lost my virginity, I at least knew what to do, though the awkwardness of two virgins is kind of adorable in hindsight.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:14:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sex ed is a fucking joke. There was a big issue in my province a few months (maybe a year now) ago about them adding a lot to the sex ed courses, the new courses started around 1st grade explaining consent (something i was only taught of by cartoons) moving up to, in later years, explaining more extensive aspects such as anal sex and what not (the new curriculum also included gay sex i believe)
And tons of parents were pissed off about it, these parents included my own and several of my friends, the same parents who neglected to teach any of us anything to begin with.
I really dont understand their game plan, like, "okay, so we wont ever teach our kids about sex, and them hopefully theyll only stumble onto it when theyre old enough to be married and have kids"? How is that supposed to turn out?
NESoteric ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:40:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It turns out VERY awkwardly. We had a group come in and teach us all the laws about consent when I was in 10th grade. That stuff stuck to me, and it was probably the only time my high school acknowledged that kids have sex
Lizzehlizzeh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:30:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I learned about masturbation the same way! Thanks for making me feel less alone hahaha
odsquad64 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I ever saw the phrase "jacking off," even with no context, I thought "that must be what that thing I've been doing is called." It describes it so perfectly.
iluomo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:29:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ditto on the last sentence
Hunnyhelp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:01:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Basically my life, but because no one taught me I went on the Internet and a pedophile taught me, lots of things actually
vivestalin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:23:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you the person who posted in /r/confession yesterday about how they might be their brother's father because he had slept in the bed with his mother naked as a kid until he started having wet dreams.
NESoteric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have never even heard of that sub, but that must have been an amazing thread. But if I'm somehow my brothers father, then there must be some freaky time travel shit happening somewhere
Binanaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:31:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similar thing here, parents never discussed it and just assumed i knew by the age of 12. To their credit, they were right, i knew how sex worked by then...
Ucantalas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:48:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I masturbated, I thought I had had a seizure, because I was lying in bed, holding my dick, and felt like thrashing my arms and legs around would be good. Did that until I finished, thought I had epilepsy.
...I was a dumb kid.
osteopath17 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:39:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like my experience with sex ed.
Abstinence only sex ed for the win!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have a friend who thought he "Invented" it, he called it "The Rubbie-dubbies"
(He was 15)
NESoteric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, by fifteen I knew I was doing it, and never telling anyone, but also making fun of kids who admitted to do it because I didn't want to be made fun of too.
Man... I feel bad about that now too, and I'm sure the other kids were hypocrites about it too. By 16 I had better friends who were open and nonjudgemental of others masturbatory habits... but at 14-15, no one admitted it, not even the guys.
Dungeon_Of_Dank_Meme ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:32:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The exact same thing happened to me. I didn't realize women had a separate hole for the vagina, I thought it was part of the asshole. Thanks, christian school. I didn't find out about the actual vagina (besides its function) until 9th/10th grade when I was looking at porn.
NESoteric ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:45:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just thought that area "absorbed" the semen after the men had a wet dream.
God damn, could you imagine if they were actually honest and open with kids about the human body?
But, c'est la vie. They'll learn, and some of them will even have babies before they're ready because they didn't know what they were doing.
I have actually heard stories about a girl who said she never had sex, but then got pregnant because her boyfriend lied to her and said that what they were doing wasn't sex.
romulusnr ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:27:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was put through Catholic school, and I believed for many years, probably up to age 11 or 12, that sex was a disgusting thing that only sinful dirty people did.
I also was getting erections about age 9 or 10 or so and not knowing what they were.
I remember one time my mother was complaining that the bathroom had pee stains and that the boys in the house had to do a better job of aiming. I complained "But sometimes it sticks straight up and you can't control where it goes!" My stepfather just about turned pure white.
Someday I'll tell you about my N-word story...
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:33:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But I want to hear the story now!
elsrjefe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:45:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tell it please!
immoralsjw ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 20:40:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will never understand sheltering your children from sex, I remember being taught about sex when I was in first grade and I think that it actually helped a lot with growing up because there was no super awkward talk that put me out of anything and I knew the risks from the beginning. I mean if you don't want these up sides to teaching then by all means leave it to your school to teach your kids.
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:46:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I learned ALL the gory details pretty much a month into living in the US. Second grade, technically. But for me it was like night and day. One minute I knew absolutely nothing about sex or anything surrounding it. One day learned every intimate detail from a friend's older sister.
Monoryable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not exactly sheltering. There is just no sex ed in Russia, and many parents don't think it's necessary to talk about it to their children. After all, everyone just learns all that stuff from their peers or Internet or somewhere else.
tirmanadir ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:11:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He was eight.
PacSan300 ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 16:28:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting. I thought Russia and Eastern Europe in general are pretty open about sex. Maybe not as much as Western Europe, but still more so than the US.
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 16:36:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was early 1990s and I spent half the time with my grandparents in a really small rural town, and the other half with my mom in Moscow.
Somehow didn't hear or see a peep about sexual anything until I moved to the US in 1999.
indie_pendent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How was it when you first heard about sex?
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Weird. 0-100 real quick
tirmanadir ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Considering he left Russia at 8...the same as for everyone else?
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP is a lady. Hence the pregnancy scare.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. Depends on the people, since we have a large conservative population, but at least nudity on TV is more common than the u.s.
PacSan300 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:24:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And female nipples are not censored or hidden on TV, even mainstream TV.
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:09:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but nudity does not equal sex. I may have seen lady nipples but I still knew nothing of smushing genitals together.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:18:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Children's sexual misconceptions are weird. I remember when I was really little, my parents never taught me about sex, I was left to piece stuff together on my own. Even though I'd seen animals mating on the Discovery channel, and knew that was how they had babies, I assumed that "mating" was a dirty primitive thing for animals and that humans conceived through a more mystical, spiritual force that took place when a man and a woman fell in love. (Was super sheltered and wasn't even aware of gay people of course.)
I remember my mom was watching some cheesy soap opera once where a woman had had a miscarriage and declared to her lover that "The baby died because our love died." In my young mind, love was the mystical creative and sustaining force of gestating life and so having a miscarriage due to the relationship failing made perfect sense as that was literally how it worked.
MCMXChris ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:19:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You had a food baby
cookievscupcake ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:54:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At 5 years old, I found one of my dad's porn mags that was all blowjobs and figured this was how babies were made. My mom was pregnant around that time so I must have alluded to this while talking to my dad. He was caught off-guard and wanted to know where I got that idea. He was embarrassed I found the mag and struggled to correct the misunderstanding and tried to simplify the truth for my age level, but unfortunately I really didn't understand it not being blowjobs and insisted that must be it. Must have been so cringe-inducing for him.
ownage99988 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:07:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is seriously hilarious
MHG73 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:37:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents told me when you want a baby the daddy plants his seed in the mommy's tummy and a baby grows. I thought that men had special seeds like plant seeds that they would put in women's belly buttons to grow babies.
Brom_Van_Bundt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:31:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents sort of forgot to teach me about vaginas until a kind of late age. I had been born by c-section, and my parents were very open with me about how that worked and about the fact that most moms didn't have c-sections but rather had their babies "come out between their legs." I imagined a kind of horror-film-esque sequence of a baby tearing through the mom's flesh until I saw the word "vagina" on a pamphlet at some clinic or hospital and asked my mom about it.
GiantRobotLazerFish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:34:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought sex was just people kissing while naked.
Iamaredditlady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:25:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How did you feel when you finally shit out your kid?
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:33:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pure relief that I didn't have to tell my mom I had a baby.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know what sex was until I was 10... Needless to say that was the same year I watched porn and started wanking. I was so confused as to what cum was, and was scared of orgasms XD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does any country teach sex education at that age? I grew up in America and had some sex education when I was 11, and even that was more about puberty than actual sex. I was 10 when I found out what sex even was. I went to school in a pretty liberal area too.
phforNZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to the global issue that is no one wanting to teach kids about sex.
No wonder the world has so many people now.
maracusdesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh nyet-ski, I am fahr to yang for diz fucking shiet"
2LateImDead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:31:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1st grade and already thinking of babies? I'd never heard of sex at all at that time either but it never crossed my mind.
DEMUXOR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:53 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant story:
When my mom was pregnant with my sister she got my brothers and I showing us where babies came from, specifically a lot of pictures of embryos growing and developing. However, it also contained the terms "sperm" and "egg". I had no Idea what they were, just assumed they were like pollen or something floating around in the air.
Fast forward to when my mom dropped us off at a friends house to stay the night while she went to the hospital for the delivery. As she and my dad are driving off, I called out across the street "Bye! Let us know the next time you have sperm!" I don;t remember any of the adult's reactions, but I can imagine...
tirmanadir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well no shit sex wasn't discussed with an 8 year old.
salamanderme ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:07:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a perfectly normal age to be curious and asking questions.
tirmanadir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't mean parents will or should be giving all the details to such a young child.
salamanderme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If a kid asks the questions, why lie or give fake explanations? An 8 year old is not stupid and puberty is looming. I got my period when I was 10. I wish someone would have explained sex ed better to me. It was horrifying.
Syarasu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:53:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
8-10 is a pretty normal age to talk about sex in school/ with parents.
tirmanadir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dunno where you're from, but at 8 all my peers and I knew about sex was from stuff we told each other or TV. I'd find it very weird for an 8 year old to be given sex ed, considering it's nothing they'll be interested in or need to know for like 4 years.
Iamkittyhearmemeow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not saying I expected a sex talk at 8. I just mean I had no idea about it whatsoever. There was no media presence about it, I had never even heard the word in passing.
All I'd ever been told at that point were stories of finding children in cabbage patches or carried over by storks when a mommy and a daddy loved each other very much.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ya, I have no idea what kind of sex education she expected.
SonaBacha ยท 477 points ยท Posted at 17:08:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that you had a set amount of blood. I didn't realize that the body makes more. So I freaked out at any cut because I thought I was losing something that I couldn't get back and that it would eventually lead to death if I lost enough through these tiny cuts.
MemeInBlack ยท 193 points ยท Posted at 18:39:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing, except with words. I was convinced that if I spoke too much, I'd run out of words and be mute forever. I don't know why.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 279 points ยท Posted at 20:43:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad probably.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:21:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Going to save this one for future me incase I have a child.
solidanarchy ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:14:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
just like that eddie murphy movie.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:25:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you were that one quiet kid in the back of class?
MemeInBlack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha ha, not hardly. I figured out my mistake by the time I started school.
Meester_Tweester ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:09:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eddie Murphy's A Thousand Words?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Thousand_Words_(film)
MemeInBlack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LOL no, this would have been in the late 70s or very early 80s.
bangonthedashboard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:32:51 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you might like this poem
Ambassador_Antlers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that a movie?
Qwertycwer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once read the draft of a book that was similar to this idea, except words were limited because you had to pay for them.
Lakinther ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i would love you
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember there was a movie with Eddie Murphy where there was a magic tree that lost a leaf every time he said a word. If the tree lost all its leaves, RIP
I just googled it and found the movie: a thousand words
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:50:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Technically, that last part isn't completely wrong.
Mikuru_Has_32DD_Eyes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:24:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh crap, I still thought this till I read your post!
bangbangshotmed0wn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hah, that's great. When did you stop thinking that? My little sister thought the same thing, but with spilt liquid? She was 3 or 4 and I guess she thought if you spilled something there would just be a permanent slippery puddle and it stressed her out. I remember her always exclaiming "It'll dry!?"
TheFiresShootingAtUs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:31:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Scott?
InQuizADoor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:22:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I ate too much it would pile up my thorat. Like I didn't understand digestion and just thought everyone had a set amount they could eat in their life.
brenna8806 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:17:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A girl in my college anatomy class actually raised her hand to ask this question.
A female. I really wanted her to think about periods for a second.
Realhuman221 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Death by a 1000 papercuts
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought something similar to this but with food. I didn't know how digestion worked and I thought the food just piled up and then I would be finished eating for good.
squizzage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
are you my cousin?
Carter_761 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got scared that I would run out of semen from masturbating too frequently as a kid until googled it and learned otherwise.
krankkinder12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There would be no women after long.
Katyperrystwinsister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similar but with skin. I thought fat people just had extra layers of skin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't want blood I don't want blood I don't want blood I don't want blood I don't want blood I don't want blood SHUT UP YOU NEED IT
frickmillions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually went to a Civil (or Revolutionary? Can't remember) War reenactment place as a field trip in first grade and I guess I must have misremembered the whole experience because I have memories of the "field medic" telling us that common treatments for ailments included "bleeding" the patient (i.e. drawing huge amounts of blood and disposing of it to get rid of the toxins, or whatever), which was faulty medicine and a big deal since you're born with a set amount of blood and can never get it back once it's gone. This led to 6-year-old me wondering why anyone would voluntarily donate blood if it meant saying goodbye to large portions of your precious, dwindling blood supply. It probably wasn't until eighth or ninth grade that I finally realized I had been wrong this whole time!
Ofreo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:58:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My son got a cut and was crying much more than he should have been. I wiped off the blood from his finger and he asked me to put it back in. I imagine he thought this as well.
PM-ME-YOUR-STOMACH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait the body makes more blood? Oh...
uses_irony_correctly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very young there was this educational cartoon on tv where everything inside the human body was anthropomorphized. Blood cells were actual distinct, living entities in my mind due to this. So when I got a cut or something I always tried to swallow all the blood back in to reunite the blood cells with their friends.
Zachattack187447 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If that was true i wouldnt be alive right now from nose bleeds
aggron306 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's pretty pathetic but I thought this until very recently. I'm 20.
EpicGusher ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, I'm 16. And I thought the same thing until just reading this...
a2soup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Um. Are/were you terrified of getting scrapes and cuts? Because they are leading directly to your death? Or did you figure you had plenty of blood to spare, so a few cuts wouldn't matter?
AsicsGirl ยท 232 points ยท Posted at 23:06:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I convinced myself that my saliva would work like a narcotic on chocolate easter bunnies, so they would't feel the pain of me eating them.
I made sure to lick their ears carefully, then wait a few seconds until the stupefaction set in before munching them down.
kasteen ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 06:39:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, there have been studies that have shown that saliva does have a slight anesthetic effect as well as a coagulant. It's definitely not strong enough to block the agony of a double chocolate ear amputation, though. So, you are still a monster.
danillonunes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:12:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs why you have to decapitate it first to make it fast and painless.
PM_ME_A_or_B_CUPS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:30:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Way to build up the good feeling and then crush it
ThatGuyKaral ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:37:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
found the spider
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:59:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit.
AsicsGirl ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:19:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I found myself very considerate.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But not considerate enough to not eat something that can feel pain.
AsicsGirl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:45:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chocolate is too tempting.
nightcrawler616 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:52:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get that from Charlotte's Web?
AsicsGirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:13:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. I don't even know what that is.
666666t ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:14:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
tl;dr, spider writes in web, saves pig
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:21:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just realized how weird Charlotte's Web is.
AsicsGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds... cute?
holyfreakingshitake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Were you the kid that hugged the spider man piรฑata?
AsicsGirl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:44:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What?
CapitanColon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:40 on April 25, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reference to this gif.
AsicsGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:24 on April 25, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Awwwww! Yes, that could have been me. ;-)
robophile-ta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...Did you mean a sedative?
AsicsGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:30 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. Why?
Husper ยท 1919 points ยท Posted at 17:06:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had very ill fitting windows when I was a child.
My parents would often complain about keeping the curtains closed to keep the 'draughts' out.
I naturally assumed they were saying 'giraffes'.
Spent a few years living in fear that angry giraffes roamed the neigbourhood and would smash through any uncovered windows to try and get to the light.
iamdoug ยท 741 points ยท Posted at 20:05:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
spent five minutes saying "draughts" in different accents trying to make it sound like "giraffes"
peekykeen ยท 505 points ยท Posted at 20:22:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drafts.
http://grammarist.com/spelling/draft-draught/
ZeroError ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 12:19:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do people pronounce them differently?
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:25:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As an American, my first instinct when I see the word draught is to pronounce it 'drawt'.
FriendToPredators ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:38:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same here. To rhyme with "fraught" and "taught".
thecricketnerd ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:53:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't pronounce those "fraft" and "taft"?
OKImHere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:12:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Of course not, I pronounce them fraught and taught, like everyone else.
hylian122 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:56:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, now this makes sense.
RedneckMandi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:22:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah! I've always said it like drout
weefz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:17:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's drought. Different word.
RedneckMandi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh. Thanks :)
cidonys ยท 150 points ยท Posted at 20:56:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it that stupid gh=f bullshit?
ValiantSerpant ยท 213 points ยท Posted at 21:44:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the gh from enough
Take the o from women
Take the ti from nation
ghoti = "fish"
Jerlko ยท 205 points ยท Posted at 21:56:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the context out of each of them.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:00:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As if they're any better in context
sdrow_sdrawkcab ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:18:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They are.
Pt2778 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't you mean 'Era Yeht'
sdrow_sdrawkcab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
;-;
RealGamerGod88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:06:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't you mean ';-;'
sdrow_sdrawkcab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
;-;
ManPumpkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sh in fish is the same sound if you remove fi.
Ucantalas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:49:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fish
I_HAVE_SEEN_CAT ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:00:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
but it's not the ti in nation that makes that sound. it's the combination of the tion that goes -shun
cidonys ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:56:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo staaaaaaahhhhhhpiiiiiiiiiittttt
frankybonez ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:39:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That o=i sound in women almost landed me in speech therapy when I was a kid. I couldn't fathom that o wasn't pronounced like an o or at least "ah".
ValiantSerpant ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:40:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"woah-men" ?
frankybonez ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:44:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I tried like five variants until the person testing me realized I wasn't going to get it right and decided to move on.
newenglandredshirt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:59:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Women. Whooooaaaaa man.
nastynate66 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:02:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At my high school there was a substitute teacher named Mr. Fish who always wrote Mr. Ghoti on the board.
humancartograph ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:29:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He must have been a Ghoti Hook fan.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:54:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, how do you pronounce women? I got something close to Fuhsh.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:17:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
PunxsatownyPhil ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:08:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do you differentiate women and woman?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:14:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Based on context, I guess.
ValiantSerpant ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:04:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/women
'wim-in'
IrenaeusGSaintonge ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:04:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"gh" is never pronounced "f" at the start of a word, and "ti" is never pronounced as "sh" at the end of the word. English pronunciation has a lot of context-specific rules which the whole "ghoti" meme conveniently ignores.
-Mantis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So do most languages, but "English fucking sucks!" /s
KeybladeSpirit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant LSE.
FishyNik6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ghota in Hindi is the male package
recovering_poopstar ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:55:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"foosh"
Duffy1Kit ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:36:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't English great?
Zock123454321 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:03:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking English
SadGhoster87 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:15:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take the gh from though
Take the o from colonel
Take the ti from distinguished
ghoti = tea
PunxsatownyPhil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't that give Ohutฤซ?
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No.
pm_me_ur_flags ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loughborough
cidonys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Worcester.
pm_me_ur_flags ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"AND NOW WE'RE HERE IN LYE-CHESTER SQUARE"
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:25:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's pronounced jigh
InvisiblePingu1n ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:44:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought so!
black-bunny ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:19:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lafing at this so hard.
tonttuvain ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:07:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ghast=fast
Jerlko ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:56:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just use English.
Ayeohx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:26:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Use a southern US accent. Pronounce it "dur - afs".
iamdoug ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:53:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i live on the coast of louisiana, thats not how we say it
bear__attack ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:03:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Coast of LA is a whole nother country. And etymological profile.
Ayeohx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cross Louisiana off the list. Someone made a list, right?
striving_forthestars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it helps, I have a very strong New Jersey accent, with a hint of stereotypical Boston thrown in, and draft/giraffe/draught all sound very VERY similar.
Biuku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
giraughts
diraffes
Arancaytar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Giraughs.
Nixie9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My accent definitely makes both words sound identical.
Nictionary ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:22:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you say draughts as two syllables? Does it sound different than "drafts"?
Nixie9 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:43:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like g-rafs
SR2K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's funny, in my native accent they sound almost identical.
lordsiva1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:42:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sean Connery.
Catch22ismybible ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:47:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Try British
Scherzkeks ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:18:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I have the same problem with the word "drive". I swear sometimes I catch myself saying "jrive" :I
SomeMysteriousChunk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:34:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well how else would you say it?
Scherzkeks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Either "der-ive" or "jer-ive" I guess? Without resorting to IPA.
Nictionary ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With a "d", like it's spelt...
MajorFuckingDick ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:32:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like a horrifying event.
WolvesPWN ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:56:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Texas Geraffe Massacre
spudlyjoe ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 20:36:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid long horses
spiral6 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:07:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
geraffes are stuped
Muffinatron ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:50:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister had been away at camp and when she came home she commented to our parents about draughts coming in under the door.
So I, also, naturally assumed she was talking about 'giraffes'.
Though in my mind they weren't angry, just curious giraffes poking their heads under the door.
amandalibre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:05:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also had this misconception. I was very confused why there would be giraffes in the bathroom when I was taking a bath. Why will they come in if we open the door? I didn't get it.
Falcon_Starchu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:13:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I spent a long time thinking it was giraffes too. I knew it was a draught but my mind thought of cold air giraffes just sneaking in the house to make people cold.
ginfish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:36:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking hell, it took a lot not to laugh out loud at work.
GiveJesusReps ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:24:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You probably thought those giraffes were real.. Nope! It's Just Chuck Testa with another realistic mount!
Dappled_Fish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:22:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just thought they were invisible giraffes that made everything cold.
You have no idea how relieved I am that someone else thought a draught was a giraffe of some kind. :)
khbb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This has actually made me laugh for a good 5 minutes every time I think about it
unovachamp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:23:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think the game Draughts was called Giraffes. Curse you, homophones.
Invisible-for-now ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:13:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha ha! I remember hearing about the giraffes too! Were you in California? Maybe it's something about the accent. I wasn't afraid of them though, I wanted to see them.
JezzaN1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember my mum referring to a pair of pants i had as 'khaki' except because she is half-english (we live in australia) she still has a tiny bit of an accent on some words.. for about ten years i wondered why the colour of these pants were 'car-key', because all of the keys i had seen were silver or gold.
xesexesexesex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Made laterally laugh. Giraffes angry tearing down the neighborhood
thewolf423 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:54:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would open all the windows
minecraft_nerd05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:18:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
64 Zoo lane! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osGns0FH6Ms
maracusdesu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:25:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have a recurring nightmare about a large horse eating my balcony.
HunterP1480 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:09:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this too and my parents would always tease me for it!
gsav55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm drunk at the bar I like to tell people that droughts is German for giraffes and that they are called that because the tap has a long neck like a giraffe
hcelestem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay this one actually made me laugh out loud. Thanks for that.
Twistofmusic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
like really, really big moths.
iamdoug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
did you mean drafts? its still bothering me
mydearwatson616 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People would go around with a keg of beer and spray them at people's windows.
_KingMoonracer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm ok with this.
schwagle ยท 455 points ยท Posted at 17:08:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when you ate food, it went all the way down to your feet, then filled up from there.
NESoteric ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 19:28:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap! I thought that too!
I also thought that you had a limited supply of poop, and that one day you'd never have to do it again.
newenglandredshirt ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 02:10:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As someone currently on the toilet, I do wish this was true...
Tinfoilpain ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:08:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess you're shit outta luck.
TjBee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:40:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah that time is sacred. Work poops are a gift from the Gods.
Krabby128 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:59:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoever came up with that theory is full of shit
techie2200 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:13:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Technically, you're right.
DatDrummerGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:14:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, it isn't the case ? shit
NESoteric ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:06:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know! It's almost like... we make new poop every day
TurboBobSponge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:27:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if only...
astrocat39 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:33:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So did I!
Frostbyite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:42:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit would be a dead site if this was true
NESoteric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I know, it's the ultimate pooping activity!
TheMilfThatRodeIn ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:37:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why but I believed this too but if you ate too much it would reach the top of your head and you had to vomit or shit.
TheKingOfHam ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:15:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought that once you get "full" you were literally full and your body had to grow to accommodate more food
Nixie9 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:01:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad fuelled this, always said if we ate a lot 'you have hollow legs today!', I totally believed that sometimes my legs went hollow.
RegretDesi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:27:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
just use a humanity
CrustyCrone ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:47:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember telling my friends in kindergarten that we still had baby food in our toes. I thought once you filled up to your waist that's when you poop. My smarter friend doubted it until I asked her how else it would work.
mrsarnold2383 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:20:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually thought this too because my parents used to say my sister was so skinny because her food went straight down to her feet.
penguinpaige ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too!!!! And when you ate so much that your stomach hurt, that meant you filled up your legs up to your stomach!
nebuchadnezzarVI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:27:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same! I thought I could fill my food up to my neck.
zanderkerbal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did this come from the expression "He's got a hollow leg"?
PM_ME_STEAMGAMES_PLS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:24:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only the salt.
kikislipservice ยท 645 points ยท Posted at 16:31:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That all of the children living in Great Britain got to have tea with the Queen once in their lives
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 260 points ยท Posted at 20:30:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm that we do indeed have tea with the Queen. Lovely lady.
ThatsSoBloodRaven ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:56:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She was actually very rude when she came to my house for dinner. Helped herself to half the mashed potatoes and didn't even finish them.
NotRickMercer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:05:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can't say that and at the same time, not give context or reveal that she was actually the loch ness monster.
SalemDrumline2011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think that was your drunk gran
Randomnerd29 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:13:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm that we do have McDonalds with Obama.
klaasah ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:14:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obama prefers KFC tho
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:01:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:02:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We are ALL fake on this blessed day.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:06:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:06:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
GOOD point from my wife
DreadAngel1711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I SAY!
klousGT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fake, What do you mean fake?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:42:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
happystamps ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For a 90 year old, though... Meow.
you_got_fragged ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:34:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
O__O
Capt_Reynolds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely. Very clean.
cheese-and-onion ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 19:37:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I missed out then :(
Reverand_Dave ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:13:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You didn't miss much, she's just on about her self for the whole hour. Booooooring.
TallAssWhiteKid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:28:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's still time
CallOfCorgithulhu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:47:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I'm afraid we lost Jim :(
Edit: I meant "him" but I'll keep Jim. I hope cheese-and-onion's name is actually Jim.
kutuup1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you ginger? Because, bad news, if you missed out, that's why.
I'm sorry for your loss.
cheese-and-onion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not to any degree
kutuup1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, there are a few other reasons they might deny you the tea party. Are you now, or have you ever been, French?
cheese-and-onion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How dare you make that accusation!
astrocat39 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice username, I prefer Salt and Vinegar though.
cheese-and-onion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too to be honest
alandp ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 19:27:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thats not true?
dacria ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:39:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The queen does actually have an annual tea party where they invite a heap of people, and some of them are regular people. My parents got an invite and naturally the queen was in her own tent with her family while the commoners got a free lunch an a wander through the grounds.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:44:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
03fb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:07:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is, it happens at 4 BONG
wisegal99 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:05:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that British people ate actual american southern style biscuits with their tea. Which I thought was kid of weird. Biscuits in the UK are cookies, which makes much more sense.
aggron306 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm british and I think biscuits and cookies are 2 separate things. Would you really call a digestive biscuit a cookie?
wisegal99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've never had a digestive biscuit that I know of, but if they are sweet thin baked items, then probably?
whisperofcinnamon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:54:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I'd get an invite for tea with the Queen when I was little but it must have got lost in the post.
Lurking4Answers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would be kinda cool though.
Cynicalteets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a canadian nanny growing that my mom paid under the table. When I was young, say three years old, she would place as much food on my plate as on hers, and I wouldn't be allowed to leave the table until I had eaten every last bite. This lead to frequent night time vomits. :(
Anyway, she lead me to believe that everyone got to eat with the queen and that if you didn't finish your meal before she finished hers, OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!
vexstream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually a kinda interesting math problem, might sit down with excel and do it out.
DeadTimelord1 ยท 2591 points ยท Posted at 16:34:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I was staying at my Grandma's house for the weekend when i was a kid. Cookies and milk were a staple of these weekend visits.
One fateful night we got our special treat as usual before bed. I ate my two cookies but I was not satisfied, I needed more. I snuck into the kitchen and took another while no one was looking.
I sill needed more of those sugary delights. So I decided I would be a good boy and ask this time. My Grandma told me I couldn't have another one. She explained that if I had three cookies it would be too much sugar for my body to handle and I would dissolve away into thin air. I asked about my bones, and she said they would evaporate as well.
I spent that whole night scared to death I was going to evaporate, I could swear at times it was it happening. It was the most terrifying night of my young life. For a long time after that I believed that if I ate too much sugar, I was done for. Thanks Grandma, for saving me from a lifetime of obesity.
[deleted] ยท 1275 points ยท Posted at 17:34:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your grandma was hilarious, I imagined her saying this in a grandmotherly way.
"aand.. and my bones grandma? would my bones dissolve too?"
Oooh yes, they would disolve away into the thin air too my dear.
The-Bath-Salesman ยท 275 points ยท Posted at 19:32:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doot doot.
Natem0613 ยท 272 points ยท Posted at 21:47:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's why you dip them in milk. To replenish the calcium
romulusnr ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:23:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/brilliantkidlogic
klatnyelox ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:36:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/subredditsashashtags.
Come_To_r_Polandball ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:32:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/subsarehashbrowns
KingHenryXVI ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My god...
FishyNik6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This makes too much sense.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must be a father...
mrcpi ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:59:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐บ๐บ๐บ๐ช๐บ๐บ๐บ
foreignersforromney ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:41:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank mr skeltal
Habbeighty-four ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:29:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See I imagined the professor from Futurama. Both ways are good.
t_Lancer ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:11:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To shreds you say?
jquack2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:02:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And what about his wife?
KingNick777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To shreds?
SadGhoster87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like your grandmother was Jane Crocker.
Hoo hoo.
DoDaDrew ยท 750 points ยท Posted at 19:23:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She knew you ate 3 cookies already and was playing Grandma jokes on you.
She totally won.
Gbiknel ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:41:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not really, cuz when he didn't die he probably thought he was a super hero.
DoDaDrew ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:29:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what makes it a Grandma joke. She gets to laugh and scare you for a little bit, you wake up feeling like a hero and together you have a funny story when you're older. Everybody wins
-Mantis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:45:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you are told that x causes y, and you don't do x out of fear, that is a trick by your father.
If you are told that x causes y after you did x, that is a trick by your grandmother.
If you are told that x causes y and you do x because of that, you may or may not be Calvin.
Bozzz1 ยท 244 points ยท Posted at 18:46:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can just imagine a tiny voice screaming "Grandma help I'm dissolving!!!!" in the middle of the night
ukulelej ยท 111 points ยท Posted at 21:26:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I warned you to not eat 3 cookies, and you did it anyway. It's not my problem now"
maracusdesu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:27:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
evil grandma laugh
BusinessPenguin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:52:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Parents: "Hey, where's DeadTimelord1?"
Grandma: "Oh, he had three cookies"
Parents: "dissolved into thin air?"
Grandma: "uh-huh"
Dad: sigh "Come on Lorraine, let's have another crack at it. Ma, you really need to put the cookies up higher."
stagfury ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:42:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm
meltingdissolving,meltingdissolving. Ohhhhh, what a world, what a worldGiantRobotLazerFish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could see that scene drawn by Larson.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:08:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my question is, how did you find out that wasn't true?
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:13:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He didn't dissolve.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:46:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no i meant the part where he said:
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I don't know then.
DeadTimelord1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's my secret cap, I don't know either. Maybe I still believe it to this day...
CrazyKirby97 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:45:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That part where you swore you were evaporating.
If you actually felt your legs evaporating, you were having a panic attack because you thought you were going to evaporate. Good job, grandma.
nonpareilpearl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read your conversation in my head using the same "mental voice" that I use for Granny Weatherwax (from Discworld, for the unfamiliar).
Lcbrito1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:11:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandpa told me that I would die if I swallowed gum. When I accidentaly did, I freaked out and asked to go the doctor, very scared. Grandpa just said it was not necessary. Fuck, grandpa, I was going to die! You don't tell me its not necessary! You tell me I won't die!
BlindMan0909 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's what grandma would have wanted
slaybodies_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the perfect long con
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:07:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised this isn't a Roald Dahl book.
NaNowhyMo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My four year old sister is wholeheartedly convinced that "high blood sugar" (which you get from eating sugary things) makes your blood sweet, and if your blood is sweet, vampires come and eat you because you taste like candy.
KaJaeger ยท 933 points ยท Posted at 16:34:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that each child was born with some sort of tool/appliance or whatever to symbolize what they'd become when they grow up. Like, if you were going to become a doctor, you'd be born with a stethoscope and they'd keep it for you till you grow into your role.
aukir ยท 421 points ยท Posted at 18:21:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's genuinely funny!
Aww shit hun, sorry we keep having lumberjacks and hairdressers...
KaJaeger ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 18:51:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can imagine that scenario, the dad is asking the wife, "honey, where did we go wrong?" not making any sense because they had no control over the situation.
rightnowl ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 00:01:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"We spun around holding law briefs three times widdershins under a waning moon and everything!"
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:54:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not often you see the word "widdershins" in the wild.
rightnowl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:21:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It added to the ritual flavor.
friday6700 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:30:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I'm a cook, you're a first chair flautist. WHY DO WE KEEP HAVING JANITORS?!"
Three_Headed_Monkey ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:08:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"It's a boy! And now here comes his axe... "
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:47:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
here comes his chainsaw..."
V-VVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RN-NGGG RNG RNG RNG
FTFY
Three_Headed_Monkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
O_o
an_admirable_admiral ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:30:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
babies with beards would be adorbs tho
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:35:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like this
pfafulous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just image searched it. You're right.
metans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now keep pushing, I can see the chainsaw
Dungeon_Of_Dank_Meme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just wanted to ask, are there still lumberjacks? Like is that a thing?
hcelestem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine hitting the jackpot and having a future president. Or you're baby coming out with a toupee and knowing he would be Donald Drumpf!
RinskeR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:05 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They sleep all night and they work all day
nemesis_of_thyme ยท 171 points ยท Posted at 21:14:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What were you born with if you grew up and became a stripper...
Were homeless people just people whose parents lost their tools?
Would this make a cool movie for someone who was born with a multitool?
ThatGuyKaral ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:00:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you are born to be a stripper you are born naked.
We are all avoiding our destiny!!!
bardhoiledegg ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:51:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That makes no sense! How can you be a striper if you have no clothes to strip out of?
lethal_forcekins ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:27:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you put on clothes because you dont want to be a stripper. but it's your "destiny" also your stripper name.
zanderkerbal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:02:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you get born with lingerie.
KaJaeger ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:33:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Divergent?
HalfHeart1848 ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 02:06:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In a world, one man is born with a snorkel.
This is: Diver-gent
Coming to a theater near you
nemesis_of_thyme ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 22:47:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NO. NO. NO.
A good movie
KaJaeger ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:51:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, the movie sucks but it could ride on your idea. I think a Divergent with actual strippers would have been better.
nemesis_of_thyme ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:58:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, I'd watch it. What would it be called? Divagent?
Colonel_Limits ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:30:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Die, Virgins.
whatisabaggins55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:26:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's German for "The Virgins".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Problem is, while teenagers won't pay to see Divergent normally, they would pay to see everyone in it naked, but can't. (also, is it shitty that you can't make a PG movie with tits but you can show abs? Is that fair?)
horrorshowmalchick ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:06:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a tool that no one recognised!!
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUHHHH!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's called mental retardation.
Pattunas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:29:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like an interesting writing prompt
AidenRyan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:15:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Michael T Weiss is The Multitool.
crazydirk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:46:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That new "Swiss Army Man" movie with Daniel Radcliffe!!
Underhacker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:54:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda reminds me of an anime called Guilty Crown
tonttuvain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Though they weren't really born into a job, but rather just the form of their "inner soul" or whatever it was. Been a while since I watched it.
SadGhoster87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:09:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BRB, writing a book
FishyNik6 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:41:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1$ bill/ ;( / maybe a jack of all master of none
h2obox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/writingprompts
nemesis_of_thyme ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go ahead, create the post. I'd like to see what people do with this prompt...
SlinkySix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Strippers are born with a thong. Or a pole for pole dancing...
Katyperrystwinsister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To /r/writingpromts we go!
Thisdarlingdeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Starring Rob Schneider!
ductyl ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 20:21:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of people who would love to have that sort of direction and purpose to their life!
Hiphoppington ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 00:20:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I knew I was born for shitposting when my parents gave me my birth mechanical keyboard on my 18th birthday.
chocol8wasted ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:32:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's kind of like My Little Pony's cutie marks.
FBIDIRECTOR ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:06:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What did you have??
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:37:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An umbilical cord.
Bahamute ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:22:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So born to be a stay at home mom?
KaJaeger ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:39:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought, a pencil because I could draw. I just imagined Dirk Digler being born with his massive dong and everybody going, "ah, we've got another future pornstar here"
safashkan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this actually the case ? Like the doctor gives a wink to the parents telling them that ?
Brer_Tapeworm ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:17:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haโlike in "Antz"?
Curlysnail ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:03:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a pretty brave new world you've got there.
Miniappolis ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:45:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't happen to be a brightly coloured pony do you?
OfficeChairHero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really wish that were true. It would make life SO much easier.
errant1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you got stuck with something shitty, like Data Entry or Filing.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:22:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But like, if you were born to do it....
Nixie9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Were you born with anything that suggested this? I'm imagining you seeing pictures of your newborn self with a teddy and just being resigned to your life as a toymaker.
Gregie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like in that movie Ants when all the ant parents walk up with their kid and the decider ant hands them either a pickaxe or combat helmet.
lovely_magic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what did you think yours was?
KaJaeger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:32:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I could draw pretty neat stuff for my age so I thought I was born with a pencil. Guys, I'm not proud. They just let me run with that belief
neocryotek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that'd make life a whole lot simpler
KaJaeger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:36:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not with how mean kids can be, you'd be bullied all your life if you got something less favourable. Also, suicide rates would be higher. I'd imagine having to deal with knowing you'd be the pool cleaner of one of those other douche kids set for a better future.
neocryotek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess not easier, just simpler.
jakielim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doljanchi#Fortune_telling_ritual
Imperium_Dragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It must be horrifying for nuclear engineer babies. Just imagine, doctor pulls out baby holding a freaking tube of uranium.
Iamaredditlady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What had you done with your tool?
TwitinTwitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
probably got this idea from ANTZ
rahtin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking wish.
graysam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What were you born with?
vivestalin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wish! When I was in my late teens and early 20s I would have killed to have my life path laid out in front of me.
bone-tone-lord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just imagine giving birth to a future airline pilot.
Crazycatcollegekid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would actually be really cool. Like no spending all those years "looking for your passion."
Reminds me of that Tinkerbell movie though Where she was born and immediately picked a thing that determined her whole life.
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What was the tool/appliance that you believed you'd been born with, or did you think it didn't apply to you?
Knight747 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like an alternative to the Divergent series.
alleeele ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same here!
osteopath17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was outside the delivery room when my younger sibling was born. First time I saw my sibling, the nurses had put a hat on its head and were moving it from the delivery room to the nursery. I went around the hospital announcing to everyone that I had a new sibling that was born with a hat.
Took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that human babies are not born with hats.
corinneski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this because the story of John Henry being born with a hammer in his hand?
thistleys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My family actually does this thing called a tooth party.
When a baby gets their first tooth, the women(usually) throw a small gathering. They lay a bunch of items out on a blanket in front of the baby, and whichever one they pick will determine their future.
I picked the $20 dollar bill.
flutterguy123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds a bit like Cutie Mark in My Little Pony.
uyuye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My little pony?
SweetSawlt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's like some MLP Cutie Mark stuff right there.
Scrotinger ยท 1251 points ยท Posted at 18:12:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that languages were all just ciphers of each other. Like I thought it was possible to translate a word into any language by translating it one letter at a time.
suckurmum ยท 686 points ยท Posted at 21:37:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that everyone heard the same thing but it sounded different to foreigners.
So when a spanish person said 'Hola' i presumed their friend would hear the noise of 'hello' and it was just people from different countries that heard it differently.
No fucking clue where i got this idea from
King_kai_ ยท 305 points ยท Posted at 23:01:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking homeward bound that's where. I'm sure many other movies fit the bill too but that's the first one I thought of. When the animals speak to each other it sounds like plain English, but when it goes to the owner's POV, they just make normal cat/dog noises. I've seen it with languages as well in shows like Vikings. Also land before time... I think. Iirc, the baby T-Rex could speak to both the main characters and to his parents but littlefoot and the others just heard growling and such fr the T-Rexes. Oh and rugrats kinda, adults obviously didn't understand the babies but toddlers like Angelica and Suzie could speak to both. Can't think of an actual language example from when I was young but I'm sure there was one. Basically I had the same thought when I was little.
yomerol ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:15:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The worst are those movies set in France or some other non-English speaking country, like the The Girl with the Dragon tattoo, where they speak English with a local accent
DatPiff916 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:03:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was no baby T Rex in Land Before Time. The only T Rex in that movie murdered Little Foots mom.
Lurking4Answers ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 23:08:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the FUCK did you just say about Chomper?
comradeda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:39:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He wasn't in the first movie?
DatPiff916 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No because the first movie was a great movie.
SherpaLali ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:12:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a baby in the 2nd movie.
King_kai_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:12:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't in the first one. It was in 2 or 3 I think. Didn't clarify that, my bad. His name was chomper I think. They found a random egg at the beginning of the movie then towards the end it hatched and they were all super scared at first but then realized he wasn't evil or whatever and were all friends, but then his mom showed up and "spared" them for helping her baby and he left with his mom.
JohnnyScissorkicks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:46:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, Chomper.
tombue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:31:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mentioned one. Small kids can "develop" their own language, that only they understand. A few days/weeks ago it was mentioned in a AskReddit thread and I also did it with my sister. We developed a speech impediment because of that.
I can't remember if we really understood each other, but at least for others it looked like it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think me and my brother still understand part of our childhood dialect. My mom used to always say that when we were little we would point and make random noises and the other would understand. Well, one time he had his mouth full when my mom asked him a question. He replied with grunts and gestures. She was like WHAT? so I translated for him. I dunno how I knew what he was saying, but I did. I'm the youngest sibling so he used to translate for me when I couldn't(read: wouldn't) talk but wanted something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your comment got a LOT funnier when I started reading it in King Kai's voice.
King_kai_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome...?
Noyes654 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's because all the babies were figments of Angelica's imagination
KJ6BWB ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:52:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, that's basically how it works. When a person who speaks Spanish says hola to another person who speaks Spanish, they get much the same mental concept that you get when you great hello.
vivestalin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:29:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had to really think about it to realize that everyone doesn't think in English.
DarthStrakh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:18:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair that is halfway true. For example if you where to say cat in spanish to a native speaker they would picture a cat subconsciously. If you said cat to someone just learning spanish or didn't speak it they would hear the word first and try to translate that to something they understand until they heard cat in their native language and then pictured the cat. Becoming fluent in another language is all about breaking down the translation barrier.
metans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too! And you're the first person that I have ever encountered who has also thought this! Yay, I'm not a freak!
tirmanadir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you thought they were kinda like accents?
suckurmum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:04:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeh! Suppose thats the closest i could put it as
VerbTheNoun95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had this same idea for way longer than I'd like to admit.
cvoahf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you predicted the Skype real-time translator when you were a kid?
austinjfischer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I totally thought this too.
hippomothamus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember watching the news and asking my mum if that's how they worked. And I wondered what we sounded like to others.
HopefulSandpiper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also thought that people who spoke different languages just translated into English in their heads after someone spoke to them. After all, that's what I did when I started learning Spanish in like third grade.
It was, embarrassingly, a couple of years before I had the realization that people actually speak their own languages and that's their own language in their head holy shiiiiit!!!
To be fair, that was a pretty cool moment.
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never actually thought this was true, but I entertained the idea for a while.
Is this... there's gotta be something that causes it.
andwhyshouldi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing...
Sprucie13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that everyone thought in English but spoke their own languages.
wokkaB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, same! This little "realization" greatly influenced my existential musings as a child.
Chickengun98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can you prove that they don't? It's like this video, but with sound instead of light. I can't get inside your head, so how do I know that you hear things the same way that I do? Sure, it's not all that likely, but it is a possiblity.
Cannytomtom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it bad that this is how I try and learn languages? With this thought process?
pieawsome ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 21:20:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that until 10
l0stcontinent ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:13:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
am or pm?
pieawsome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
prime minister
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:04:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, each word is the same length universally, and every language had a 26 letter alphabet? I did too.
heybrother45 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:36:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother thought English was the language everyone was translating to when they spoke their own language until he was like 12.
EmperorSexy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:54:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I blame books about ancient Egypt where they showed each hieroglyph representing a letter.
Adarain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:12:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which is not... wrong, just very, very misleading. If I understood it correctly, the way hieroglyphs worked was that some of them had a phonetic interpretation (like, there was a symbol for the sound /t/) but at the same time, they were logographs (glyphs with no transparent association to sound, but rather to a specific word or meaning). They would then first write a logograph, and then the consonants of the word to make sure it's read the right way.
For English, imagine drawing a simplistic house, followed by the letters H S for "house" and H T for "hut".
HalfManHalfCyborg ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:17:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that words that rhymed in English would also rhyme in other languages.
throawayforposting ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:26:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! And I remember in French class being given an alphabet of sounds, and I was like "aw man, I have to learn all 26! I'll never learn THAT MANY. Maybe I can just speak French semi-fluently with 15."
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most of the letters between French and English are the same sound.
Adarain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And even then, knowing the alphabet in no way grants you fluent pronunciation, of course, because there are many more possible sounds than any single language uses, and no two languages use the exact same sounds. And many languages have more than 26 sounds, making the latin alphabet rather unfortunate.
tacojohn48 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:12:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all people were born knowing English, but there parents taught them the other language. I imagined a mom explaining to her kid, "we call hamburgers aslkdfjasi"
DarthStrakh ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:15:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a camera and I would take a video of myself in english and then change the camera to chinese and be confused when I was still speaking english in the video.
portedelacavee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if it rhymed in English, it will rhyme in Spanish. Threw me for a loop when I tried to translate a Britney Spears song using a travelers English-Spanish dictionary.
bear__attack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:07:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty creative! I mean, a lot of adults believe that at the word level (i.e. all other languages can be translated word-for-word into/from English), but it never occurred to me that some would try it at the letter level.
alphaboy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:49:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kek
ukralibre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you invented ASCII table? You did the job!
thePhysicist8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similarly, I thought English was some sort of 'universal' language that all other languages were derived from. I couldn't imagine that any other language could seem as natural to someone as English did to me.
SubatomicCake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would always think that people would have to translate it into English to understand it, and I couldn't understand why they needed the original language anyways.
cheese-and-onion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that too, and I was wondering why we couldn't just use a decoding chart instead of learning all of the translations of vegetables
Imperium_Dragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Show this to your younger self when we make time machines.
TheBlackNight456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL .... I'm a junior in high school is it bad I never learned this
Sadsharks ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:21:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does your district require foreign language?
evandavis7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am so happy I'm not the only one who thought that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In a way this is true. The items make the same noises, but the words, especially the ones that are onomatopoeic, change from place to place. In the United States most dogs go "woof" or "ruff" though some people say they go "bow-wow" and in Israel, or any Hebrew speaking place, dogs go "hav hav!"
Brandonmac10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure we all thought that as kids. Its not really until you take a language class that you realize how different other languages are. Different sentence structures don't feel right at all either and sometimes you can translate every word and have it make no sense at all. I didn't like Spanish class...
shelcod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had to convince a co-worker once that you can't just translate a sentence word for word and have it come out perfect.
uncertaintyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought languages could be nested like a function of a function. I asked several times what French would sound like in Spanish. No one had a clue what I meant.
Hunnyhelp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The whole idea how different languages work in one brain still confuse me
pug_grama2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought people laughed in different languages. I was astonished when I walked by 2 men who were speaking a different language, and then started laughing in English.
Carter_761 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this for a long time, but that English was the first language and that people just spoke different versions of it. I always wondered why people didn't just say "dog" (or whatever) and unread came up with different ways to say it.
IamSeth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You and everyone else who got a tattoo in the 90s. "This one is my initials in Chinese!"
HKburner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once had to explain to a 30 year old colleague that this is not the case
metans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Years back, my friend had a Japanese Moltres Pokemon trading card. We didn't know what the attacks on the card were as we couldn't read Japanese, but we said he could use it in his deck if it was in a deck protector and we would just take it as being exactly the same as the english- language version of the card. This would have meant one of its attacks was "Leer."
Only, it couldn't possibly have been "Leer" according to my friend, as the name of the attack was four Japanese characters but the two middle characters weren't identical. therefore they were not "the Japanese version of E" and the attack couldn't have been "Leer."
I'd like to think that he was just trying to bullshit his way into claiming it had a better attack than "Leer", but knowing him, he definitely thought that's how languages worked.
koconne22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought the same thing for longer than I'd like admit.
boran_blok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well crap... hello twin.
Makeshift27015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, I thought this as well. Started trying to convert French to English and got thoroughly confused.
2LateImDead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:34:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would be great. It'd make things much easier.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When you find someone in your 1st grade class speaks a foreign language:
"How do you say my name in Chinese?!"
RPShep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm amazed how many adults still believe that to speak in another language you just swap out words: no sense of other grammars, word orders, idioms, etc.
specialkake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OH, god, I found an old Berlitz self-taught russian book, and spent hours and hours trying to translate russian into english be translating it one letter at a time.
icepck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that 'accents' were speech impairments that people got following certain accidents.
Stinkybelly ยท 194 points ยท Posted at 17:59:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
If I didn't haul ass up the stairs after getting an ice pop in the basement the "monster under the stairs" would grab my legs and pull me down into the depths with him. I mean, even as a kid I knew the fear was probably irrational and nothing would happened if I casually walked upstairs but that didn't stop my from running upstairs so fast that I was actually moving on all fours like a German Shepard.
143demdirtybirds ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 23:27:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im 34 years old and I still haul ass up the stairs.
I also jump into my bed so nothing can reach out and pull me under. It could happen!
alicethedeadone ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:05:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hate hanging my feet over the edge of my bed! Gives me the creeps!
AWildCookieMonster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:34:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still go up the stairs on all fours... and sometimes go around the house and yard on all fours
you_got_fragged ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:47:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the dog
AWildCookieMonster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:25:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm being serious, if I think someone won't see me do it, I go on all fours
you_got_fragged ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:47:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Under my bed is a bunch of old Lego boxes, other toy boxes, and shoe boxes. Just a bunch of boxes really. This means that even if monsters lives under beds they couldn't be under mine since there's just boxes there, but I still run, jump, and never dangle my limbs off the side!
MyFirstOtherAccount ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 20:00:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Climbing the stairs on all fours lets you climb faster!
rolyatnai2011 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:34:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did this too!
Goofz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:31:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still play light-switch tag. So long as you are standing in the light, the monsters can't get you. Meaning, you must turn on the light of your destination before you turn off the light from your origin. There is an approximate 1 minute grace period between lights off and getting under the covers.
...I'm 29; 6', 230lbs
TaehlsGolightly ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:50:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that when I flushed a toilet a vampire could come out and get me. I would flush and then run away as fast as possible. Not sure where this idea came from.
whatisabaggins55 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 09:41:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Count Crapula.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:34:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
underated post
BoneslyGrifter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:42:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this too. I was afraid to flush the toilet at night because the noise would drown out sounds of whatever was out to get me.
Reiner_Locke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I used to have the same exact fear at my grandmas house.
moltenuniverseplease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have this.
tdotbay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why is this such a common fear ?
ItIsWhatItls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like a German Shepard? Or is German Shepard what you yell when speak crawling up the stairs?
slightlyamused1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was in the exact same situation! I had a scary laundry room right next to the basement stairs I would sprint past and run up the stairs.
lazarus870 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me it was a witch and she'd get me if I didn't get down the stairs fast enough.
IThedont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought running upstairs on all fours made you look like a gorilla.
3mbyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I go up the stairs on all fours just cause it's more fun
Theonlykd ยท 521 points ยท Posted at 16:12:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason, I thought sealing air in a bag would result in a zero gravity environment.
My mom would pack my lunch in a plastic grocery bag and I vividly remember blowing air into the bag while I still had some food left in it and would wonder why my food wasn't floating around in the bag.
zhuguli_icewater ยท 197 points ยท Posted at 19:01:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I had the same belief! I would have a small candy in my mouth, puff out my cheeks and hold my breath and wait for the candy to float around.
nmkd ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:30:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it would work with a lot of pressure. For example, that there was no gravity in air tanks.
SpaceNapoleon ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:04:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm mean that's sort of true. If you get the pressure REALLY high, the buoyant force takes over.
a2soup ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:45:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still a gravitational effect.
SpaceNapoleon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is gravity, but if what's in the tanks is more dense than what is suspended in it, it will float. I'm talking about extreme circumstances that you would never find in the real world.
a2soup ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:53:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right, but the floating is a result of gravity just as much as the sinking is. In zero-g, the object floats around in the tank regardless of whether it is denser or less dense than what the tanks are filled with. Stuff doesn't sink or float in orbit - both sinking and floating are the result of gravity.
aryan470 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That'd probably work, it's what I believed anyways.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did itโฝ
littleotterpop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have to know.... How much effort did it take to put the interrobang instead of just a "?!" ? Did you copy and paste? Keyboard shortcut? A magical keyboard where it has its own key? It seems like a relatively useful punctuation mark but I feel like it's too much effort to be worth it when you can use a simple "?!".
PunxsatownyPhil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:17:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Could have set up a simple macro.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:11:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AutoHotKey. I just ctrl+i to get an interrobang (can't now, typing from phone).
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait that's a real character that has the meaning of "?!"?!
shiguoxian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this.
Heavenlypigeon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It will eventually, you just didn't hold your breath long enough.
MrTurleWrangler ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 17:29:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's adorable
[deleted] ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 18:48:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
MrTurleWrangler ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:31:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who took the jam out of your doughnut?
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:22:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:11:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Food waster!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not your dad.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:28:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed for an embarrassingly long time that no oxygen meant no gravity. I think I asked the science teacher in eighth grade a really stupidly worded question regarding this and no one laughed, they just stared on in amazement that someone could be so daft.
jakielim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:32:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are many much older people who still seem to confuse vacuum with microgravity.
sciamatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was the opposite. I thought zero G came from being in a vacuum. So, for instance, if you had something rigid, like a glass soda bottle, or even a plastic one, that wouldn't collapse all the way, I thought if I sucked all the air out of it, there would be no gravity inside.
olivergrayson ยท 1454 points ยท Posted at 16:03:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 4 my mom was 9 months pregnant with my brother and we got into a minor car accident that forced her into labor. So until about 3rd grade I thought you had to get into a car accident to have a baby.
Riobhain ยท 379 points ยท Posted at 17:15:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I now need to know how you found out that was false.
olivergrayson ยท 978 points ยท Posted at 17:42:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
A fellow 3rd grader told me that I was wrong and that instead you had to have sex. Except he said as soon as you put your penis in a girl's mouth they got pregnant so I was lead astray once again.
edgarcia59 ยท 724 points ยท Posted at 19:58:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
man that blows.
GrizzBear97 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 20:49:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it really sucks when people lie to you like that
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:05:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
ghill04 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:20:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bro job?
onlyididntsayfudge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Choo-choo?
GLOOTS_OF_PEACE ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 01:09:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
who upvotes this shit?
EhhWhatsUpDoc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:28:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to Reddit
Babycakes87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:54:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
13 year olds.
BigSlug10 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:06:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
30y/o here - 10/10 would up-vote again!
Babycakes87 ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 02:21:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol made me laugh, ok well maybe those with the sense of humor of a 13 year old.
EvilorDivine ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:01:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure that's a homosexual, not somebody trying to have a baby
Lacevedo8046 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:46:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think its the woman doing that
fireork12 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoosh...?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sigh... take my upvote
FlaminCamin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just can't swallow the reality of if.
lukeritchey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that sucks
GreekGeek24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No it's the girl that's blowing
AssFaceTittyMongler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God damnit here cum the puns
TheMrWonderful ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That man blows
VellCS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:48:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Edgarica if I wasnt broke I buy you gold lmao
edgarcia59 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't even know what to do with it!
louistraino ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:44:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's like true science. Slowly getting less wrong over time inching towards the truth
Imperium_Dragon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What type of third grader would....never mind actually I don't wanna know.
Lhivorde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really thought that said ashtray for a good second or two.
Ucantalas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...sometimes I'm amazed our species has made it this far.
Dungeon_Of_Dank_Meme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My "friend" in 4th grade told me that you had to "pee inside of a girl" so I thought you had to piss in her ass.
Your_mom_is_a_man ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:46:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you really have to pee in a girl's mouth to make babies?
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:16:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
so was your teaching a dumbass or was she lying for some reason.
olivergrayson ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:10:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My teacher was fine but she has no relevance to this story haha
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:47:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
why the fuck did i say teacher? i must of misread it because i was looking through some old "dumb teacher" threads i made awhile bacl. sorry.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You said this twice.
Riobhain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:20:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm on mobile.
shutyertrap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice hook. Do you mind if I use it in my next rap song?
OkArmordillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You said this twice.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You've said this twice.
romulusnr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:31:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A tear of petrol is in your eye
The hand brake penetrates your thigh
Quick lets make love before you die
-- The Normal, "Warm Leatherette"
PunnyBanana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister and I were both born by C section so that's how I assumed all babies were born. The slow learn of vaginal birth was terrifying. I don't know if I could have handled thinking that a car accident also needed to be involved.
suesays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Love you
wittlewadio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:42:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, you just gotta make ur wife vomit by farting.
Riobhain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I now need to know how you found out that was false.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You said this twice.
OkArmordillo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You said this twice.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You've said this twice.
Riobhain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm on mobile.
kim_jong_un4 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:02:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about before their were cars?
snugy_wumpkins ยท 783 points ยท Posted at 16:59:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the bands would actually be on stand by at the radio station and perform live in the studio. Every band from Backstreet boys to Elvis.
EmperorSexy ยท 300 points ยท Posted at 22:57:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better than me. I thought ants lived in the car antennae and played tiny little instruments.
mydearwatson616 ยท 456 points ยท Posted at 01:50:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They do. The word "antenna" is just a bastardization of "ant tenor".
wackawacka2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:33:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! That's brilliant!
litux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And ants have antennas, too.
you_got_fragged ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:42:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are actually their headphones. Baby ants live in them and play instruments
Kitty_Wizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:30:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bravo
return_of_the_jetta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess if your from Maine or Massachusetts.
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BREATHES HEAVILY
EYE TWITCHES
* Y O U ' R E
return_of_the_jetta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol my bad on mobile wasn't paying attention.
2muchcontext ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:16:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you smoke a lot of pot as a child?
ArtIsDumb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't see what that has to do with hey what are you guys doing this why do birds fly and how is gravity even real?
IamDoogieHauser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can only get behind Alien Ant Farm, and thing else is just silly.
Pasty_White_Boy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God, kids are drunk little retards. Gotta love em
JezzaN1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what ever made you come to that conclusion?
EmperorSexy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something about the antennae being the reason we could hear music on the radio. And it's super thin, so if something were to be inside of it making music it'd have to be small, like an ant.
Also concerning radios, I thought radio towers existed so planes would see the blinking lights at night and not fly too close to the ground.
JezzaN1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i wish ants really did live in the antennae with tiny instruments :(
extreme_douchebag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ROFL wtf?????? So you thought ants in general could play instruments? Could other non-human organisms play instruments or were ants just special?
solidanarchy ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:07:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's sweet. I tought that the bands were literally inside the radio.
I was an idiot.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:49:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe this for TV. I remember asking my mum, "What if one of them gets sick?"
LivinginAdelaide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:01 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of shows were live in the past!
steveofthejungle ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:07:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha I thought the same thing
goforajog ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:17:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think something similar, and wonder how the people reading my audio book cassettes would know to start reading when I pressed play.
I used to imagine someone just sitting in a basement reading the same story over and over again waiting for someone to play their cassettes so they'd hear his voice.
Realhuman221 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:09:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had something similar, I thought that all commercials were being filmed live, I learned when this was not true when I was watching sports and saw on of the athletes in the commercial and asked my dad how could he run to a studio to film something and return a minute later.
SirImpervious ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:41:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if a song had a male singer it was called "radio" and if we were listening to a song with a female singer it was a "CD". Took me forever to figure this out.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:49:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little I thought there were little people that ran around when you changed the channel. My old man busted my bubble by replacing the tube and showing me how. I was 6 and that's how I became interested in electronics.
Big_Burds_Nest ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:37:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that there was an actual band named "Rock" that my family was listening to when they listened to Rock Songs
CrimnsonRed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:40:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine was a bit more morbid. At pre-k, the teacher had a jukebox that played a bunch of different songs on loop so I imagined it was those same artists fighting for control of the mic and when they do, they tie up the other people until they have the strength to fight back and tie that person up to, otherwise when the next song plays.
raydaysocray45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:18:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To feed off of this, I thought that the static feedback on the radio was someone letting the air out of a balloon while the music played.
IRapeSeahorses ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when the artists would say "This is (insert artist name)" they were all actually at the station talking into the microphone. Really confused me why they were all in Kearney, Nebraska.
gsav55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:00:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually how it used to happen. But the radio station would have a band that played everyone else's music. So it would be like here's the soggy bottom boys hit new single performed by the jazzy twinkles
Dothesexychicken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. I was so fucking confused when we would switch stations and the same song would be playing.
ukralibre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:41:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you are really old man, because they did like that for some time
snugy_wumpkins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! Nope, I'm in my mid twenties. I didn't know that it used to be that way.
robophile-ta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So when Elvis (or some other musician) died, what was your reaction to them still playing his songs?
snugy_wumpkins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:26 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was pretty young when I thought this in the late 90's and early 00's, I can't say this ridiculous belief was really well thought out.
LivinginAdelaide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:15 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you watch Annie as a kid? That's what they used to do.
M1g1v3r111 ยท 344 points ยท Posted at 18:59:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my dad was black... I went to a catholic school with all white people at the time. My dad was just a really tan white guy. The story of how I found out my dad was not black was great. It was MLK day and I told my mom "Mom, I am so happy for MLK because if it were not for him you and dad might not be together today." She then told me the truth. I was pretty shocked to say the least lol.
EDIT: We are an all white family.
locks_are_paranoid ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 02:58:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG, I thought the same thing about my grandpa. He died when I was young, and for some reason I remembered him being black. I thought I was part black until high school. I'm just glad I always checked "white" on government forms. I could have gotten into some major trouble if I'd checked "black." Thankfully, I also never told anyone except for some random girls who thankfully thought I was joking.
Yes, my entire family is white.
SmokinDynamite ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 11:16:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is one thing that I don't understand. Skin color not being about one's skin color but about wether or the they are related to someone with a different skin color.
M1g1v3r111 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:47:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I tell people this story most of the time because I think it is hilarious, usually they get a good kick out of it as well. haha
BubbleTheGreat ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 06:58:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing about my Grandpa, turned out he's just a really tan Scottish man, probably due to being a fisherman that spent a crap load of time in the sun.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:42:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
WANTS_TO_BE_SMART ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's this thing called black Irish apparently? I dated a couple of girls that told me about it. They were absolutely beautiful and had tan skin at all times, giving them a black vibe.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:01:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
M1g1v3r111 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:44:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're kidding? Haha, I am glad to see other people have made a similar mistake as a child.
danibrown ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:57:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize my mom was Mexican until I was 7. We lived in Texas and we were around my Hispanic family all the time and we are all fluent in Spanish, but it never occurred to me that she wasn't white. Because my dad was, and all the kids were very light skinned, I just assumed she was really tan.
cabforpitt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:12:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a placemat with all the presidents on it, and based on the little picture, I thought Bill Clinton was black.
Duke_of_Fruits ยท 911 points ยท Posted at 18:08:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
While I was still in preschool I used to think that steaks and ribs were actual animals, not parts of an animal.
I tried to imagine what fuzzy little steaks would look like running across the countryside.
Edit: Oh god, this got way more attention than I was hoping for.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 140 points ยท Posted at 20:46:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's hilarious.
MATERlAL ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:26:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The period makes me read that in an unenthusiastic monotone.
KhazemiDuIkana ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:48:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which is hilarious.
MATERlAL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Omg. Ha ha.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:10:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always punctuate my sentences.
ayushman-singh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:03:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i dont
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:17:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
eye twitch
ayushman-singh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thats some nice wordplay you have there havent you i think so
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:36:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
tears violently twitching eye out of socket
EveryoneIsGod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:41:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
"So guess who i saw today." "Whooo?" "I saw Lisa today." "Ha, thats hilaaaaarious."
Edit: The period is there now, you can all relax.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank God.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:48:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where. Is. The. Fucking. Period?
EveryoneIsGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:39:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thats hilaaaarious Louis C.K voice
PM_Me_Every_Nude ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:32:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will never forget saying "Do buffaloes even have wings?"
I didn't even want to think about what a nugget was on a chicken.
Havoksixteen ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:26:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And how about fish fingers. They don't even have hands.
tacojohn48 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:22:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like that steak and ribs don't resemble the animals they're from. I have trouble eating chicken on the bone as I feel like I'm some animal scavenging through the forest who has just happened upon a nice carcass that I'm now ripping to shreds.
HappycamperNZ ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:23:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a good reason to eat them.
tacojohn48 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It makes me feel uncivilized.
HappycamperNZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:17 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ci....vi...lised... Nope, no never heard of it.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:50:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that because chicken breats are called chicken?
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 02:45:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what the fuck is a breat
MinecraftGreev ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:57:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
u r
SadGhoster87 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:18:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
PM-ME-YOUR-STOMACH ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
R E K T E K T
clementleopold ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:36:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's just one of those bratwurst things. A "link" of bratwurst.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*breasts
spelling errors
OctopusMango ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:07:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one is my favourite
cybertron2006 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:03:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if you leave them out long enough... :3
wicked-dog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:01:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I asked my mom how fish sticks swim.
r_plantae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wild haggis
esmebeauty ยท 337 points ยท Posted at 17:05:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed someone sat and watched cameras at each traffic light and decided when to change them. I would get so mad at them when we were stuck at a light for too long.
tehbeeselbows ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:21:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too
SuperUmbreon1 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:57:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar belief, except I believed small men with big noses lived in traffic lights, and their noses could change color.
Like wh y
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 20:45:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He would be the second-most hated person on the planet.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:52:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First is...?
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:55:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CEO of Nestle.
definitewhitegirl ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:30:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
still have a friend who active pronounces "nestles" as a phonetic word ("nest-Les")
she's 26 and thinks we're all wrong (she also recently told us that this new "trend" on Instagram with "girls talking to the camera" was unsettling and uncomfortable... she's not wrong)
ArtIsDumb ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:25:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kanye West.
definitewhitegirl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:31:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kanye Westles
Jumbojimbomumbo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who's the first?
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:02:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CEO of Nestle.
Jumbojimbomumbo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:05:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fitting
definitewhitegirl ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:27:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
same but I thought they were underground and just control freaks flipping switches without actually seeing traffic so they just flipped switches as they liked
when the power went out, I also imagined a bunch of mole men under the cities frantically flipping the switches back and forth trying to figure out what went wrong........ apparently never even questioned power lines and what they're purpose was tho.
moosejeans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:56:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god yes, me too to all of that
whatisabaggins55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I kind of want this over at /r/writingprompts now
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:01:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
you_got_fragged ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:49:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's like when you drive under an overpass during rainy whether
"Look I can control the weather!"
snaps as we drive under overpass, rain stops
snaps again as we come out the other side, raid continues
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:07:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every morning, at one intersection I go by, the light is manually controlled. It is next to a school, so they give busses the right of way. morning is the only time when it is manually controlled.
othersidewrites ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:34:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! I thought there were little men inside the traffic lights changing them...
Aaguns ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:13:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YES! ME TOO! You have no idea how happy this makes me. I thought this far too long, probably until I was like 6-7. I always felt bad for them because I figured it must've been really hot in there.
monstrinhotron ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:18:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i believed that i could change them with my mind if i concentrated hard enough. The lady who became my wife believed this as a child also.
vivestalin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:39:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom used to tell me to blow the red lights out like birthday candles.
NoFuckingOne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:57:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahah i used to believe in something similar, that traffic lights were operated by people inside stores in front of a semaphore, so if there is a traffic light in front of a coffee shop i thought people that work there would control the lights
thebestofu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined something similar.
In each light there were two men dressed as burglars (like from Courage, the Cowardly Dog) and that they simply flicked the lights on like light switches.
They sat in there all the time. 24/7 and just loved it there.
SlinkySix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At some intersections in London this kinda happens
BC_Sally_Has_No_Arms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandfather told me there was a little monkey up there moving a lantern around
SmokinDynamite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a censor that made the light turn red when a car www as trying to cross
Yetchi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told us there was a guy that lives inside the lights named George and that he controlled the lights.
AsylumAddiction ยท 334 points ยท Posted at 18:12:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was the only one who saw things in 1st person, and everyone else saw themselves in 3rd person.
Lostsonofpluto ยท 135 points ยท Posted at 23:50:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No fucking way. I held that belief until I was like, 4. I remember once I started crying because I wanted to see my face (I forgot mirrors existed) but couldn't like everyone else could.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:13:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, a 4 year old that stupid couldn't even drive a car
AWildCookieMonster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:35:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, I thought that everyone had 3rd person and I was afraid of people finding out I didn't and them making fun of me
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:21:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't? lol
Zombie_Scholar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:17:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look at this pleb not using his 360ยฐ camera with adjustable FOV, amirite?
Blue_Dragon360 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:00:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually the opposite... I've thought my whole life in the third person (like, all of my memories are stored that way).
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:43:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm...have you ever considered that you are, in fact, not you?
FormCore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:57:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I get what you mean.
I don't have this problem, but something with how memories are made can screw up sometime.
If I remember being told something long enough ago that involves me, as I've imagined it (obviously, 3rd person because it was a story, not a memory) I've "remembered" it as an even that I actually remember.
It's how most of my earliest "memories" exist... just as recycled stories about myself.
ThePaperSolent ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:49:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no, that's true. everyone else had figured out the controls.
rahsftw ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:57:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. That's why I thought I was special. Turns out it was because I had Aspergers.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:15:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ME, TOO.
joeconflo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If other people could see things in 1st person, I would be those other people instead of being me.
dinydins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:25:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this is a developmental thing, children are egotistical until about age 7
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:03 on April 22, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say this too, Piaget would love all this support for his theory.
dinydins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:00 on April 22, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
tbh Piaget is the only thing i remember from high school psych
Thorn_The_Maktig ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:43:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was always worried that vision had a set time. Like an hourglass. I always thought that once you hit a certain age the curtain just drops and that's all the seeing you can do. And that you just became a shell of a person, a cyborg, and reacted to the how many fingers am I holding up" by scanning my hand and realizing what I was doing. But the actual person is gone.
I realize typing this, that this is exactly all that adulthood is.
FoxOfLanguages ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude! Seriously, me too! I found it weird when I was in preschool at 4 and wondering that too. "Why can everyone else see their eyes but I can't see mine?!?"
Dibzcraft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh my god I believed this for so long
Ofreo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I find that when I am remembering things that happened to me, if in my minds eye I see it first person, it is more accurate to what others remember about the situation. If I see it in 3rd, I am probably embellishing a bit and remembering it the way I wish it would have gone.
PM-ME-YOUR-STOMACH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to get so pissed too because I thought everyone could see themselves.
ashwinkrthk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why isn't this answer higher up?
TheMightyFishBus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:09:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you think that?
Lupin_AAGL ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:46:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He can't see himself in third person, he can't see anyone else's point of view... Makes sense for a child.
lukepa ยท 2087 points ยท Posted at 16:06:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the underground railroad was literally a railroad. I mean yeah it's great that a loose network of abolitionists helped slaves to freedom but it would have been way cooler if it was a real railroad. You take an escaped slave, lead him into a cave and this train pulls up and it's like "all aboard the FREEDOM TRAIN!" choo choo, motherfuckers!
Koupers ยท 352 points ยท Posted at 17:26:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed the underground railroad was fully underground like, a massive network of underground tunnels...
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 23:57:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait it's not
Orut-9 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:32:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, they did have some underground tunnels... I've seen one
JenniferMcKay ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:59:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. I understood that it wasn't a literal railroad but I believed for almost too long that it was (at least partly) underground tunnels.
BayInferna22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, for an embarrassing long amount of time.
creaturesweets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. But perhaps there could've been some tunnels. Old houses used to have secret rooms and shit for hiding stuff....I think.....but it totally could've happened!
kristmitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait... It wasn't?!
i_have_boobies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:56:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too, although I knew it wasn't a railroad with train tracks. Somehow I reasoned it couldn't be that.
JustVan ยท 712 points ยท Posted at 16:46:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have to believe that many of us as children thought this due to the name.
Shadowblitz_7 ยท 503 points ยท Posted at 19:20:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm. Was a child and thought this. Pictured Lincoln hiding a conductor hat under his normal hat.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 20:15:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never thought of that, but I thought the railroad was an actual railroad.
Boxwizard ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:43:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It... it wasn't?
ClementineHearts ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:37:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No trains involved. Just people sheltering refugees and smuggling them from one house to another.
Danster21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:44:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I thought it was like a Minecraft mine cart kind of Underground Railroad (this was before Minecraft was a thing too)
ace625 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:32:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So then a mine cart?
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah u/Danster21 mojang didn't invent mine carts and mineshafts!
andwhyshouldi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:37:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's why it's so tall. He had twenty hats under there at any moment.
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hat stack!
William_Buxton ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can also confirm. Just now realizing this at 19 1/2.
fishermanblues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Abe Lincoln played by Tom Hanks.
divisibleby5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was an episode of "Different World' where Denise and Company find part of a safe house for the Underground Railroad in a basement with old decrepit tunnels that were only big enough to crawl through. I remember thinking the Underground Railroad was a tiny kids sized locamotive pulling runaway slaves like rail cars . Like, I imaged they had single person sized platforms that the slaves lay down on and were hitched together to be pulled through secret tiny tunnels. thats why i thought it was called the "underground railroad"
Shadowblitz_7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In all seriousness I thought this too. Like basically that little platform on wheels for working under cars and stuff, but tethered or something for them to pull you through small hidden tunnels
AWildCookieMonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now that's a funny image
AbeRego ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:13:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was a bit disappointed at the lack of tunnels, when i learned the truth. I felt lied to!
BedTooShort ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always wanted tunnels if not tracks. I thought that there would be decoy tunnels to throw off trackers.
OneGoodRib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also thought that. I actually still have a hard time not picturing it as a really long underground tunnel.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think they had trains back then so I knew it was just a bunch of underground tunnels.
Ixilary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I pretty sure I not only thought this, I was taught it. Now, maybe the teacher was using it metaphorically, but I still remember her explaining how they'd go under broken roads and use the subway lines (that apparently were abandoned but went cross-country?) to travel north.
pitaenigma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only realized now at 23 that it wasn't.
skrybll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait a second, was there even rails? I still imagine those hand powered train cars underground when I think about it.
JustVan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:17:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude it wasn't even underground.
tombue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:37:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can't confirm.
Source: Was a child, hear it the first time in my life, no idea what "underground railroad" is, only that it may be an underground railroad.
Edit: After googling, it seems to be an underground railroad, just without the
unique_pervert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not from USA, so I thought it was something related to a real rail road until reading your comments. I'm over 20+
Unenemous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This post was the first time I heard of it, and from what I read I assumed it was a network of underground tunnels that slaves used to get away.
Not_A_Throwaway999 ยท 163 points ยท Posted at 18:01:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I refuse to picture the underground railroad as anything other than an 1800's subway system
damanas ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:36:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the new york subway is actually that old. the first underground trains were in 1904, but there were above ground ones before that
Desiderata03 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:34:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A subway system somehow sounds way less cool than an underground railroad even though they're basically the same thing.
[deleted] ยท 149 points ยท Posted at 18:19:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same but I figured "underground" just meant secret and was like "how the fuck are they keeping this railroad operation a secret. Who's building this and funding this".
Lez_B_Proud ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:44:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason, that cracked me up. I love how instead of thinking it was literally underground, you thought of it in the actual sense, but still as a railroad.
Fucking thank you for that laugh.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:46:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You might also enjoy that I thought this until I was like 17.
Lez_B_Proud ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:58:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're right--I do. That's just funny and sweet
Anxious_Sherlock ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:16:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahah this just made me burst out laughing
pipsdontsqueak ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 16:50:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Freedom Train sounds more rewarding than Gold Train. But neither can compete with the Soul Train.
RelevantTuna6 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 18:23:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the often underrepresented Love Train.
rightnowl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:03:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They keep asking us to start one, and no one joins in.
RelevantTuna6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe if we had some sort of anthem. We could at least try to get people to join hands.
ZeTurtle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:29:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
+Mag size if you also have the Hate Train
I wonder how few people will even get that reference...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:53:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like this?
RelevantTuna6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
By jove I think we've done! We have our anthem! Good show chaps.
gloomy_lunatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the pain train ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
SouthWindThrowaway ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Double capture speed
+10% extra damage taken from bullets
_TheGreatDekuTree_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/tf2 is leaking! Quick throw a hat and maybe it will leave.
xinfernus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swazey train!!!!
PM_ME_A_or_B_CUPS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have seen quite a few movies where the love train is in full motion in the bedroom. Apparently it involves a female conductor and instead of steam it uses wind power because she is always blowing into the pipes to give the men more power
scoutmorgan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:54:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But they are all worse then the Cole train.
namapo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Cole Train runs on whole grain, therefore the Cole Train that runs on whole grain is better than the Soul Train.
romulusnr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:22:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTY
KingNick777 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
kipumab ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes but what about the Hype Train
jt68jt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You think it's a joke, but those of us alive in 1976 remember......
So much cringe! So many parents taking us kids out to see this thing and it's treasures inside from the Smithsonian....
It still haunts me to this day....
http://www.freedomtrain.org/american-freedom-train-consist-4449-today.htm
ForTheText ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:19:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL @ age 26
That_one_guy20 ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 17:34:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Legend
HEBushido ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:31:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Cole Train runs on whole grain baby WHOOOO!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:56:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha-ha, I thought that too!
ThirdRook ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:59:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't call that a ridiculous belief. We have underground trains right now.
sillypat2shews ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:04:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had the impression that George Washington was the conductor of such railroad as well
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:24:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
-Bart Simpson
fastock ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:26:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, this is the first misconception listed ITT that I too believed.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually what I was taught in elementary school. My teacher was either trying to make it more interesting/simplified or genuinely believed this.
queefiest ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:03:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too. Until about a year ago. I'm 28.
This_Girl_Monday ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:47:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that one took me a while too. I thought "no wonder it's so hard to keep it a secret, trains are so loud!". I also was very confused because in my mind it should take centuries to dig a tunnel from the Southern States to Canada.
lispychicken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:53:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Emancipation Locomotion!
-Drawn Together
ITworksGuys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was something like the mine carts from Indiana Jones.
Marthalion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, had never heard of the underground railroad. Fallout 4 makes so much more sense now.
StaleTheBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Germany did the opposite
Madonkadonk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I blame Histeria! for this
Dynorawr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the same vein, I thought the black market was an actual market place but it was really dimly lit
yaosio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to run for US president on a platform of creating a network of tunnels larger than the interstate system. You'll be able to walk or ride a train from any place on the planet to any other place on the planet while beneath a steel sky. There will be secret tunnels for secret activities.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I teach 8th Grade. Every year I have to break it to a few 13-14 year olds that the Underground Railroad wasn't some type of subway.
GiraffeRaging ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait it's not?
BruceTheUnicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've said this exact statement while dragging a friend away from an awkward conversation with his GF
Solastor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was a smart kid, not like you morons. I knew that a train would be loud and that the slavers would hear it. Obviously they loaded the slaves onto those hand-cranked railroad cars you used to see in Warner Bros cartoons.
Much sneakier.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now I feel silly...
romulusnr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It took me a while too. They don't really explain that. It actually sounds a lot more impressive that people actually dug tunnels and ran trains through them that stopped at people's houses -- and that the stupid Rebs never figured it out.
And in retrospect, that's exactly what some Mexican coyotes do...
nelly540 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same, except I was smart enough to realize it was a clever name for a subway.
voltagenic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG TIL https://i.imgur.com/STDryl1.gif
GLOOTS_OF_PEACE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
huh? not an american here, what is the underground railroad? Doesn't sound like a ridiculous belief at all. i would've thought it was a railroad, so what is it and why is it called that?
lukepa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't even a "thing" in itself, more of a name given to the network of abolitionists (in the context those favoring the abolition of slavery) who worked to help fugitive slaves reach northern states or Canada where they could be free. An excellent network to be sure but sadly there were no steam locomotives rolling through caverns as part of it.
misteryin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think they took a railroad. I just thought they walked along the tracks to the North. It happens.
Goatsr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I knew a kid who believed that George Washington was the conductor for the 'underground railroad thingy'
He is in 10th grade
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought it was just a big tunnel. Like, a subway tunnel, but for runnin...
I had a racist teacher that thought she was super funny, she would always tell us that the black kids were fast because their ancestors had to outrun the dogs
Hunnyhelp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In an honors class our teacher had to stop the lesson and explain to someone in our class that subways didn't exist yet:
jmpkiller000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that too until they explained people hide in churches and other buildings. So then I thought it was a tunnel with buildings underground that people hid it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was a very long tunnel with a rail and a little platform that you would lay down on (because the top of the tunnel was so low). Then you'd tug on a rope attached to the cart and somebody from the north would pull you through pitch darkness until you came out on the other side.
quichagan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"all aboard the FREEDOM TRAIN" ~ Donald J Trump
lord_gaben3000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I pictured it as the minecart scene in Indiana Jones the Temple of Doom.
DudeJoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Grandpa Tunt?
thetruetoblerone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I first learned about it, while I knew it wasn't a real railroad I did kinda hope that it was a series of underground tunnels
garythedog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well what was it then?
QueenDopplepopolis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A young woman in college once told me that she was in a house where she could SEE the Underground Railroad tracks. She was serious.
09twinkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am guilty of this as well.
ImAslave_Killme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL that the underground railroad was not in fact a railroad
MountSwolympus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom thought this until her 40s when she told me that a door in a restaurant led to a stop on the Underground Railroad back in the day and that it must have been part of the subway.
Ludacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the subway was a re purposed part of the underground railroad until i was ~ 13
VeryThing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Harriet Tubman drove around a wagon with hay in it. Then they'd bury the people in the hay and drive them into the railroad.
charlie145 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed it until I read a Stephen King book where a woman was put on the 'railroad', I think it was called Rose something.
Canuhelpmefindmollie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this for years! My friends still make fun of me for it
Edit I was 24 when I found it wasn't...I am now 28 :(
Moonwalker917 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always pictured this as railroads with joyful slaves riding minecarts into freedom.
666666t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FREEDOM IS NON-NEGOTIABLE
MTR2244 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I shit you not, my sophomore history teacher actually thought this. Oh man the class blew up when she tried to teach us that. It was her first year teaching, and she was not rehired the next year...
solos90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Railroad?
Just out of curiosity, do you have a Geiger counter?
confusiondiffusion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Black market
Underground railroad
DodoDude700 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never thought this, but I grew up probably a good number of years after most people here, and now it seems like most resources related to the Underground Railroad make it very clear that it was not a real railroad.
SonaBacha ยท 3626 points ยท Posted at 17:08:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was married to a family friend. I remember getting dressed up when I was about 3 and walking down the aisle with this girl. When I was 9 I learned that it was my cousin's wedding and that I was the ring bearer and she was the flower girl.
Stopman ยท 1582 points ยท Posted at 18:28:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is the cutest thing I've ever heard.
ukulelej ยท 1568 points ยท Posted at 21:20:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until she took half of his toys in the divorce.
TacosForMeOnly ยท 393 points ยท Posted at 22:11:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And had to pay her half his snack pack every week.
taylorguitar13 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 00:40:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pre-nups, man. The kids just don't know what they're getting into.
Tyrannosaurus_wrx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can be my snack pack ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
SeaLeggs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's a snack pack?
Papa_Huggies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:43:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kebab meat and chips, topped with garlic sauce, chilli sauce and hommus
Blue_Dragon360 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pudding
Cunningpro ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This hits too close to home
Xman-atomic ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:11:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heartless bitch, they never even had any beanie babies.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you ain't no punk, holla we want prenup!
TheBlackBear ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:34:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/PollyPocketpass
automated_bot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She took the Colonel Steve Austin action figure, even though she didn't want it. She then sold it for way less than market price.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:12:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you ain't no punk holla "We want prenup!" It's something that you need to have, 'cause when she leaves your ass, she gon' leave with half.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:43:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That got really depressing really quick.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:34:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
kratos61 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:59:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who cares
Tyrionsnow ยท 503 points ยท Posted at 19:24:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was there a ring bear?
icepck ยท 233 points ยท Posted at 20:11:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bear-ER!
rbarton812 ยท 260 points ยท Posted at 20:18:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Robin...just be cool, okay?
pcechos ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 20:52:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that final season man.
rbarton812 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:55:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tell me about it. All the plot points I was okay with, even the Mother, but not how rushed it was.
pcechos ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:14:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly it. It's like they spent the entire season on random bull and then had to force the plot to happen at the end. I was also just annoyed at the wedding being the point of the entire season and then Barney and Robin don't even stay together in the end.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:22:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"But... but... it could happen in real life..."
Yeah, it fucking could, but How I Met Your Mother is not real life. We watch it to escape real life, you fucking piano faced fuck.
solidanarchy ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:00:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...piano faced?
KanishkT123 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:00:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's one of those insults that's great when it's written but is totally shit when you say it out loud.
ActuallyItHasBeen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:05:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yo chill
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:05:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Karousever ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:11:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Totally agree. "How Your Mother Met Me" was actually my favorite episode of the entire show, but the rest just kind of upsets me.
BrennanBr ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I loved the final season :( especially the finally
gymgal19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:34:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right! A Ring Bear!
VioletBroregarde ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:28:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I get hurt I normally go to the human one.
icepck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:05 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nicely done.
WalkLessDialFour ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:07:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean Bearest
GetItReich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bear-est
Guardian_Soul ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:44:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ALRIGHT NOW FELLAS!! WHAT'S BEARER THAN BEAR?!
InvisiblePingu1n ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:40:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh! That's where bears go when they step in a trap, right?
M00se1978 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:49:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was ring bearer once, but I informed my mother I didn't want to be a ring bear, but a ring dragon. So much cooler.
Shovel_Ship ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I knew it was ring bearer, but I called my little brother "ring bear" at my grandparents' wedding.
BiBoetzke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I only get this joke now... The German translation of that joke doesn't make any sense.
AWildCookieMonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DROP BEARS
Euchre ยท 267 points ยท Posted at 20:10:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted this to end up with "We ended up getting married after all."
Oh well.
meowdryhepurrrn ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 20:22:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it happened to this couple: http://www.people.com/article/ring-bearer-flower-marry-girl-north-carolina
unstable_supernova ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:33:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you just saved that random link for the perfect cute time on Reddit, or did you just get really lucky?
Or you looked it up.
Cheating kitty....
meowdryhepurrrn ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:59:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read it a few months ago and looked it up to find the link when I saw that comment!
Scherzkeks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Omg, it's like The Joker picked out his outfit. <3
the_fredblubby ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:36:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: OP is still 9.
newenglandredshirt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: OP is an adult. Flower girl is still 9.
Euchre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So there's still hope!
skatecarter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:45:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, thanks. This will be an actual movie in five years.
"Flower Girl," starring Katherine Heigl. What if the man of your destiny, was there from the beginning?
secopree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I know you!
Euchre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shouldn't you be looking for some comment that just goes a bit too far? ;)
AccidentallyHeather ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember reading a news story like that. A couple got married like exactly 20 years to the day of being the ring bearer and flower girl at a wedding. I don't remember where though.
themadness1994 ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 18:36:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Omg that's adorable
TinmanTomfoolery ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:31:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you the steak toss wife?
Ryio5 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:53:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you still alone?
Luxeson ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:05:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Asking the real questions.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:27:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you literally just copy paste top posts from past AskReddit threads with similar questions and pretend to be the OP ? It's the second such post I see of you today.
Rerouchoes ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:08:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh hey, it's the window-steak Guy's wife! Thought I recognized the name
bluecarkeyparty ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:07:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it normal for some people to have a girl be the ring bearer? As in a previous post you said you are the wife of the guy who attempted to throw an under cooked steak out a window.
Funslinger ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 18:48:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That girl's name?
Velocirexisaur ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 19:04:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Albert Einstein
Funslinger ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:31:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I set you up for the joke and get downvoted. You spike it and get the karma. Just like irl.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:06:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
TehSalmonOfDoubt ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:28:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. Karma whoring at its finest
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:31:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How was the sex?
PrinceNorway ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When are you sailing to Undying Lands?
cardinals1996 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Sorry Janie, I'd love to share this cookie with you, but I'm a married man"
Wavisher ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:00:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
when i was ~5 i got "married" to the girl next door. my mom has the whole occasion documented in pictures somewhere
taylorisadork ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing when I was about that age... I was the flower girl in the situation though...
ReptiRo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Awwwwww
tennybrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have this weird feeling this could be me.
TheBearRapist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was there holy mattress money involved?
TehSalmonOfDoubt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, you've gone from being a woman to a man now?
GreenFireBerns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How often did you consummate this marriage?
Lets_Call_It_Wit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My little brother thought the same thing! He was around the same age. I actually thought you might be my little brother for a sec, but it wasn't our cousins wedding.
NuclearNovaBomb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This exact thing happened to me, except I was the flower girl and he was the ring bearer. Also, the bride was my cousin and the groom was the ring bearer's nephew. We have a picture of us next to each other in the outfits.
ICryAtNightSometimes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was she hot?
volsom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I read this before
KWITHI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you name is Max then that might have been me lol
theSpecialbro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Frodo?
elHerpes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i can swear this story has been told before here
Il_Gigante_Buono ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:05 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember having to explain this too a mate when we were like 14 haha he still thought that.
owningmclovin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's adorable
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But then you choose to marry the guy throwing steaks at windows.
SonaBacha ยท 439 points ยท Posted at 17:07:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember asking my father why does the moon follow our car everywhere when we are driving at night
withinyouwithoutyou3 ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 22:53:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad was an astronomer, and when she was 5 my sister started arguing with him that the moon was in fact moving with the car. She could not be persuaded--even by an astronomer. :)
Lurking4Answers ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 23:15:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's hard to teach kids about parallax at night.
PM_ME_A_or_B_CUPS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hal Jordan when he turned evil?
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:47:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
ttovotsttnt ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:54:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, my mom said it followed me because I'm the most special boy in the world :(
chetanmahore ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:56:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom said that to me, too. I almost believed I'm special. :(
CokeAddictABC ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 21:01:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't everyone?
uncertaintyman ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:00:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I KNEW the moon came out at night but then I would also catch it in the day time. I came to the conclusion that you could only see the moon from America and I felt suddenly very sad for China. They never got to see the moon.
sexistentialpanic ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:47:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told us that it was our pet, and I remember being so upset when the moon moved from my side of the car to my brother's.
propickleflapper ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:23:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that too. I'd keep an eye on it as we drove along.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:38:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing.
aurorasanders ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:08:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did that too.
ItIsWhatItls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well?
_TheGreatDekuTree_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Turns out his dad owed the moon money
superduperinkpen ยท 143 points ยท Posted at 22:08:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom frequently used to say "if you believe that I've got some swamp land in Florida to sell you." When I was ten or so my Mom was upset over some money problems and I told her- "you can just sell that swamp land that you have in Florida." I felt very silly but at least it cheered her up.
zzappe ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:22:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a none American. What does it mean?
nonsapiens ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 11:29:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It means you're gullible. As in, no-one would want to buy swampland except the very stupid or gullible.
zzappe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:46:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you :)
superduperinkpen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:38:54 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess it was a way of saying you're obviously gullible so let me take advantage of you with this ridiculous thing.
MultipleOrgasmDonor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:49:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Midwestern version, my dad always said he'd got some land "just east of Chicago"
Khoram33 ยท 285 points ยท Posted at 17:48:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that there was ocean under all land. I was always terrified that a shark might rip through the ground and eat me.
Natelynne ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 23:25:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar experience. A Navajo man started telling me stories when I was a kid, and he pointed to a mountain off in the distance. He told me the place boasted a fairly large hole going deep into mountain, and that everything was pitch black inside the hole. This hole, he said, would suck animals and people into it and then spit out their bones.
He then told me the area itself was very dangerous due to land sharks, which were like normal sharks, only they lived in the dirt and would break through to eat people. The land sharks were everywhere, he said, so it was best to stay out of the dirt and mud. I was terrified for the longest time. I was also told about skinwalkers, which still scare me to this day.
Tldr traumatised by Navajos.
Crowlad ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:11:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not even Navajo and skinwalkers scare me
Tastemysoupplz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:28:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. I'm not even near Navajo anything and they scare me.
tornados_with_knives ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:13:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in fuckin Australia and the wrong kind of indigenous and skinwalkers still scare me. Fuck that shit.
Chickengun98 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:33:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can someone please explain what a skinwalker is? I'm not sure I want to look it up.
Sylphass ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:03:35 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you talk about them, you'll draw their attention
pearl_drummr50 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:39:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Street sharks motherfucker
RedSkyCrashing ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:45:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least they kept the road repair workers in business
Feezed ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:35:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jawesome!
sharkcrayons ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:36:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I know which nightmare I will be having tonight.
Spindlyspider9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:31:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sound like the plot for a b horror movie
Electric999999 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:02:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well there are landsharks, they're only in Australia though so you don't need to worry, pretty rare too, they never learned to avoid drop bears.
Canes_06 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:16:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's actually the Hydroplate Theory, which is kind of similar to what you described. It's a ridiculous theory but pretty interesting.
elyisgreat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There kind of is...
frossenkjerte ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:03:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello fellow victim of Ken Ham's lies.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:41:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know that all scientists are incompetent morons? It's true!
This message brought to you by Ken Ham!
Crowlad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch out for the ocean of lava under us!
you_got_fragged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like that tremors movie
[deleted] ยท 2710 points ยท Posted at 15:47:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Not me but when we were little my brother honestly believed he could grow up to be an ice cream truck. Not an ice cream man, an ice cream truck.
Edit: I finally fixed the "jce" cream truck error that I thought for sure was some kind of obscure reference you people were making before I went back and re-read my comment.
s_c_w ยท 206 points ยท Posted at 16:17:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend's little brother desperately wanted to grow up to be a monkey
mwzd ยท 138 points ยท Posted at 17:00:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If he's anything like some of the guys I've met recently he probably succeeded.
Nymaz ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:34:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If monkeys came from little brothers, why do we still have little brothers? Checkmate big brothers!
person7178 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:42:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RACIST!
scoutmorgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down moonman
RuneLFox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the otherkin!
Greybear93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He could probably still run for president like that and complete multiple childhood dreams.
mattCmatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My little brother wanted to be a triceratops.
SeaLeggs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine wanted to be a shark
BuyThisVacuum1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haven't you always wanted a monKEY?
silverglyph ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:59:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No need for that! Nowadays he can be monkeykin
FIERY_URETHRA ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's racist
Glory2Hypnotoad ยท 174 points ยท Posted at 17:35:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a sign I saw at the mall the other day. It was for some charity with a kid holding a baseball and the inscription "When I grow up I want to be a baseball player." But there was a poorly placed bench in front of the sign so anyone sitting on it would block out the word "player."
GavinZac ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:32:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:17:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want to be a blitzball when I grow up
Nahvec ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:38:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He likes being hit.
you_got_fragged ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:52:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Nahvec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That went way over my head.
MrOrsom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:58:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And you didn't get a friend to sit it on, take a photo, then post it to /r/funny or /r/pics to get your 5,000 upvotes?
Odd...
Yenoham35 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not everyone is a karma whore
[deleted] ยท 695 points ยท Posted at 16:32:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rick Sanchez can make that happen
Lying_Cake ยท 195 points ยท Posted at 18:17:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nevermind! I got a taxi.
TheJonesSays ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:28:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Protect Summer!
NNJAxKira ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:30:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep Summer safe FTFY
TheJonesSays ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dem spiders.
MagicalMagpie ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 22:59:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CONCENTRATE, TURN INTO A CAR MORTY
Rugmug33 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:57:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"M-mOrty, you gotta turn into a car!"
yomkip ยท 223 points ยท Posted at 16:46:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't let your dreams be ice creams!
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:15:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just dough it!
jansen2442 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could go to Chick-fil-a and get some icedream
Zoythrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jet fuel can't melt ice creams.
you_got_fragged ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:53:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It can weaken ice cream though
arte_nm ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 16:20:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did he play Twisted Metal games?
Defttone ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:16:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of sweet tooth except sweet tooth drove the truck
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:59:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet Tooth is also the name of the truck.
Defttone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You sure about that? IIRC his vehicle changes.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:07:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The name changes when the vehicle changes. Dark Tooth for example.
Dakkk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those games were the best!
Isagoge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet tooth!
Tupnado21 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:38:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You can be anything you want to be!"
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:16:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Victolabs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna be a murderer and kill people!
kyle8998 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:59:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well technology is rapidly advancing...
save_the_pigs ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:42:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My younger brother wanted to be a blue rubber ducky.
ToySoldieriiV ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:35:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep him away from /u/fuckswithducks
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:52:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before, and to be honest with you, I wanted to see a blue duck."
tricksterarchangel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beat me to it
the_almighty_cheese ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:38:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't let him near /u/fuckswithducks!
DoctorDizzyspinner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well? Is he a blue rubber ducky?
DoctorDizzyspinner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well? Is he a blue rubber ducky?
kmturg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:41:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to be an owl. I don't remember why, but that was my answer. My older siblings all had fairly realistic choices.
Scrappy_Larue ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:48:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My son wanted to be the garbage truck.
yaosio ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:56:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sexually identify as an ice cream truck. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of driving through the suburbs and handing out treats to delicious young children. People say to me that a person being a truck is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install an engine, ice cream maker, and freezer on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Creamer" and respect my right to driving slowly past schools while playing a fun tune. If you can't accept me you're a truckphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
brilliantlyInsane ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:54:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is your little brother named Kevin, by any chance?
ninja10130 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:17:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, he wanted to be the air force.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking Ralph.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want to be a fire truck!
kpecc99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:04:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If brick road can become a dungeon, I can become an ice cream truck
boblablaugh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:23:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin insisted for years that he was going to be a bus...
othybear ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:52:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My husband still hasn't given up on his dream of being a firetruck when he's older.
tehgimpage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my sister wanted to be a firetruck
Twizzcaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my uncle wanted to be a microwave
DodoDude700 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister REALLY wanted to be a bird. Never specified what type. Would have been funny if she has turned into a bird, but it was a really weird one like a pelican or a turkey vulture.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey! Don't you dare crush his dreams!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had something similar, but I wanted to grow up to be a cement mixer.
Earth_Bug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wanilla, jce jce baby...
AUpballa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was wondering if anyone else noticed that. I had to do a triple take
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister wanted to be a horse, and she believed she could become one, too.
GoldenJoel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He probably likes some weird porn.
Misleading_Username ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"YOU CAN BE A CAR"
DranoDrinker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to be a fire truck... Sadly some dreams just aren't meant to come true...
DrNick2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Excuse me sir, do you have bathrooms suitable for ice cream trucks?"
Yoayo112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True story man! Until I was 3-4 it was tractor all the way, no mechanic or farmer, I didn't like farmers. Just tractor. Green tractor. And you better believe I was stoked to grow the fuck up.
sexy_burrito_party ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol my little brother for the longest time wanted to grow up to be "Winnie the Pooh".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother wanted to be a zebra.
Brothers, man.
panda_nectar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin wanted to be Britney Spears. Not a singer. The actual other living human being.
AccordionORama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Come with me if you want two fudge-sicles!"
LultimaNotte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dammit Kevin
xXPussy_BangerXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WolvesPWN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i sexually identify as an ice cream truck
thusthus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the cutest thing ever, though
breathing_normally ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My 3 year old wants to become a hockey stick when he grows up
Sober_junkies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me they only played the music when they were out of ice cream.
ChromeFluxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, hijacking top comment.
Whenever my older sister said "because I'm older than you" I replied with "well just wait until my birthday comes up and I'll be the oldest. Then you'll pay." It took me until I was 12 to realize everyone has birthdays at the same rate.
On another note I'm more mad my parents never bothered to correct me for the sake of my sister's sanity.
pizzaguyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love jce cream
uvafan256 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a little brother, my older sister had me convinced that airplanes would come out of the sky and eat you if you didn't run inside when they passed over. That was a traumatic few months.
ColdestPanMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whats a jce cream truck
burnsy_97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a kid at summer camp tell me he wanted to grow up to be a watermelon. Nice kid.
cheshire_brat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who wanted to be a garage. Personally, I wanted to be Big Bird.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother wanted to be a balloon.
abloopdadooda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At two separate times in my life I wanted to grow up to be a sock and a duck :/
ShutTheFuckUpBryan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love jce cream
uncertaintyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to be a fire engine!! Then a taxi driver because I saw them get handed cash to drive people around. I thought this was the coolest job. You get to drive a car (super cool) and people just give you money.
Roberth1990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is your brother Rob Schneider?
UrNotFly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember wanting to be a German Shepard, until now I never got it. *Law Enforcement *
missusk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My husband wanted to be a dump truck when he grew up. I'll thank Transformers for that.
TheUnimportant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is your brother Kevin? Did he grow up wanting to be a plane?
BareKnuckleKitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little I wanted to be a fire truck. An ice cream truck is probably my soul mate. Fire and Ice!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine once told me that he thought it was possible that, with enough training, an ordinary human could become as strong as a character from Dragonball Z. Capable of human flight and everything.
We were 16 years old at the time.
IRipShirts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in first grade, we were telling the teacher what we wanted to be when we grew up, and this kid said "a truck."
15 years later my friends and I will still randomly point at trucks and say "Josh?"
VelourFogg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was really into trains and believed that I could be a tunnel. I don't know how I didn't end up being gay, cuz if there's ever been any indication that a child would grow up gay, I would think saying "I want to be the tunnel" would have to be at the top of the list.
Southern_Kisses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:12:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I wanted to be a horse when I grew up.
Acid44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to be a firetruck when I grew up. Then I learned about planes and decided I wanted to be a fireplane instead. This is what I called every plane with a vapor trail.
"Maaaaaam look! FIREPLANE!"
I don't even think I realised that there were people in them, driving them along.
GiantRobotLazerFish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Were you the only two siblings that survived?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:12 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:12 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She can be trans-gender-black but since she's white that would be considered appropriation.
tsunami845 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to be a knight until I was 10
gostan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that's not as unrealistic
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:46:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Has your brother been browsing a site known as tumblr..?
TheSuperSucker ยท 404 points ยท Posted at 16:06:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my mom grew up in a black and white world because all pictures of her childhood were black and white.
Linux0s ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 20:51:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant Calvin and Hobbes
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:13:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what I thought about myself.
thehouse211 ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 20:38:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. My world was SHATTERED when I learned the truth.
KeisariFLANAGAN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did your future grandchild just break the frames of every picture of you??
xanderjones ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:18:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The movie Pleasantville really fucked with me when I was younger. I was just starting to understand that the world hadn't been black and white when I first saw that movie.
Randomnerd29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what was it like living in a shattered world? was it any similar to your parents living in a black and white world?
SepDot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:11:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I asked my Grandmother once what the world was like before colour. Thankfully she let me live that one down.
Nixie9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:12:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a childhood friend who wasn't super bright, he believed that there was a place called 'the old times' where all our parents came from. In 'the old times' all human history was happening simultaneously and constantly. So right now the witch trials, the nazis and hippies were all sort of doing their thing.
KeijyMaeda ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:30:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember my Grandpa actually telling me that he knew the person who invented colour.
Feezed ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:36:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined my parents growing up in a sepia Wild West... I grew up in Wisconsin.
Lupin_AAGL ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:47:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still find it hard to imagine some things from the past in color.
landontbr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ME TOOOOO
Hunnyhelp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:18:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same except my mom grew up with color photos.
"Mom, what was it like before color was invented?"
[deleted] ยท 276 points ยท Posted at 16:00:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my brother was about to be born, I had this strange notion that he would be Eskimo. I am white and live in the South.
DrInsano ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 16:47:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where would he live though? There's no snow in the south to make an igloo :(
[deleted] ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 17:40:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no, there is, but he is homeless 355 days of the year.
SouthWindThrowaway ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:59:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
366 on leap years
Electric999999 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:04:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A special ice rink like place just for Eskimos.
Hauntey ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:23:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember asking my mom what we would do if my baby brother turned out to speak French. How would we understand each other?!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my brother was going to be a toad. I remember freaking out to mum and dad about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Babies do look rather toadlike when they first come out...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess it turned out to be snow problem?
CrazyKirby97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister used to want to be a bee when she grew up.
Tenzegre ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 00:17:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the racist.
Ilmara ยท 886 points ยท Posted at 17:02:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was still medieval times in England.
Mixxy92 ยท 630 points ยท Posted at 20:28:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You were actually thinking of Wales.
Lordofsax ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 23:23:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not that bad. We got electric Street lamps last week.
[deleted] ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 21:03:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Electric999999 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 01:59:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nonsense, medieval people were sometimes sober.
sirblastalot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:22:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*Iraq
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:53:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*Chlasgoh
Stick636 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:17:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not much time for technology when we're defending our villages from dragons.
Scared-Famous ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:22:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or Ireland, don't they still burn gays?
GavinZac ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:50:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only in Northern Ireland, the republic (and it's territory) has specialised in just selling our gays to England for a long time. Oscar Wilde, Graham Norton, Brian Dowling... Um... Anna the Lesbian Nun... Terry Wogan?
karlw1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:20:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heathens!
Il_Gigante_Buono ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:05:59 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha we do have more castles than anywhere in Europe of a comparable size or something. Also no lights haha
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 23:57:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*whales
CokeAddictABC ยท 123 points ยท Posted at 21:01:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Wales where there's lots and lots of castles everywhere. There's a castle called Castel Coch (Red Castle) and it looks like this http://www.cityofcardiff.com/visitwales/coch.jpg
I used to think the queen lived there and I would grow up to become a knight. Also there's a castle in the city centre, I thought that it had like some sort of nuclear bunker underneath it,
I was a wierd kid.
courtoftheair ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:39:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think every town had a castle because mine did (Northumberland has a lot more castles than the rest of England, apparently. I blame Scotland).
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:21:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same for some reason. The city I come from is pretty heavy on history and my family preferred to go to other fairly historical places and I kind of presumed every settlement big enough had a castle.
CokeAddictABC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:42:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, so did I. I got so confused when I went to a city somewhere in europe and there was no castle "What the fuc kis this shit!? Wheres the princess!?"
gameoverbrain ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:48:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's beautiful.
SadGhoster87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:18:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And a bad speller.
CokeAddictABC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:41:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean? Castel Coch is how you spell it in Welsh which is how I was taught it?
EDIT: Yeah no I was wrong it is Castell Coch
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:56 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CokeAddictABC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:29 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Huh?
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:43 on April 22, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You spelled weird wrong
CokeAddictABC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:01 on April 22, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhh, of course. I always do that. Thanks.
mariobuyatelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God that hill up to Castel Coch is a killer.
CokeAddictABC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's by a motorway I take to get to Cardiff Bay. It's a nice sight, but yeah it's damned monstrous.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Hawker32 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:12:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Blydi Saeson
CokeAddictABC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, my welsh is a bit rusty.
Rios7467 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:39:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every time I heard anything about Texas my little mind generated an old Western kind of deal with saloons and tumbleweeds. Then I was told they have skyscrapers so I imagined dirt roads with people on horses riding by huge ass glass and metal buildings.
The_cynical_panther ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, you aren't that far off.
Spratster ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:33:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oi u focken wot mate? 'U sayin ahm medieval bruv? I'll bash yer 'ed in with a fuckin battle axe innit.
BowtieMaster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:30:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I first went to England (I'm from America), I thought I'd have to lie about where I was from so the redcoats wouldn't attack me.
uhaul26 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:43:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Depends, how old are you?
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:40:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fairly Odd Parents?
ChefTheSuperCool ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:25:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Funnily enough, I thought America was still in the 1920s - mainly because of Lady and the Tramp
gogoyogert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Midievil Times is in LA... duh
Slightly_Fazed ยท 102 points ยท Posted at 23:05:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you lifted a dog's tail and looked up it's butt, you could see out of the dog's eyes. Thanks dad.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:29:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did not tell enough lies to my kids when they were young enough to believe them
BoneslyGrifter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This cracked me up in class. Thanks for the good laugh.
B0bsterls ยท 742 points ยท Posted at 15:47:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the Easter Bunny was a 7 foot tall monster that would kill me mercilessly if I set foot downstairs before it had finished hiding the eggs.
AlexanderTox ยท 332 points ยท Posted at 16:03:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, what did your parents do to you?
B0bsterls ยท 193 points ยท Posted at 17:17:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just have an active imagination. I also used to hate sleeping in my room because it's underneath the attic and I always imagined aliens crawling around up there.
Blackbirdrx7 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 18:53:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your childhood seems infinitely more fun than many out there... including mine :'(
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:16:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
AreYouAManOrAHouse ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:44:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vents scared the hell out of me when I was a kid, because of an episode of the X-Files where this dude could squeeze himself through vents. I thought he would come through and kill me
SinkTube ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:22:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, that was just me.
Lostsonofpluto ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:40:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just like to pint out that at 18, I'm still paranoid that something will crawl down out of the attic and attack me. This all started when we moved six years ago and I realized the entrance to the attic was in my room
B0bsterls ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:43:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel your pain. I sleep with a fan at night so that I won't hear the creaks and groans that I'll invariably attribute to some horrific monster from the attic.
Jellocycle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love my white noise machine. I don't hear the ghosts wandering my dorm building. It was built in 1899 and it's beautiful but terrifying and definitely full of phantoms.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know Koreans think that will kill you.
B0bsterls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why do they think that?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea, but Fan Death is something they fear.
Ur_favourite_psycho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:06:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I too had an active imagination and the loft hatch was on my bedroom also.
Anyway, around age 7 I read a newspaper article about a person who found a dwarf skeleton in their loft. They even posted a photo and it still had hair and teeth! Eeek!
It really creeped me out and for years I though that every loft had a dwarf skeleton in them and would dread the thought of someone opening our loft!
redditor_by_day ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That one was true.
-kkslider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't every room under the attic?
B0bsterls ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:12:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I should clarify. My room is where the attic door is. You have to pull it down from the ceiling and then climb the ladder. I always imagined that I'd hear aliens rustling up there and that if they heard me the attic door would pop open and they'd slide down the ladder onto my bed in order to feast on me.
diegojones4 ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 16:23:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell was Santa?
slowhand88 ยท 461 points ยท Posted at 16:47:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always assumed Santa was a first generation Ukrainian immigrant with a drinking problem.
Turns out my parents just took me to the cheap mall.
Defmork ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 20:43:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I played a few Christmas songs on my piano at a Christmas party in my town's convention hall a few years ago, and they had rented a Russian to play Santa.
Something about Santa Claus saying "Hello kids, I am Santa. I bring present." in a strong Russian accent is really funny.
DannyPrefect23 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:50:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a reason Alec Baldwin did a Russian accent for North in Rise of the Guardians.
Lostsonofpluto ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My elementary school principle was also a part time mall santa
B0bsterls ยท 175 points ยท Posted at 17:23:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A jolly fat man who gives out presents. Same as everyone else. For some reason, it's only the Easter Bunny that inspired such terror in me. Although I did once makes plans to pour gasoline on the fireplace and wait with a lighter for Santa to come down the chimney.
diegojones4 ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 17:29:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your childhood sounds fascinating.
B0bsterls ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 17:34:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you think that's weird, then you should see how I was with my twin brother. We both used to make up stories about people we know getting killed or mauled by various animals. Still do sometimes.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:06:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, aren't you just a bundle of love and happiness?
B0bsterls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:40:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lol yup. We also tell our friends their story of how they would mauled, and they usually laugh.
shockdozer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:50:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Krampus?
Capn_Barboza ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:18:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you watch Donnie Darko at an inappropriate age?
recipe_pirate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:27:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister and i would always wake up extremely fucking early on Christmas (like 3 in the morning) so we could start inspecting what Santa left us and start waking our parents up so we could open presents. One year, my sister and i were getting ready to open my bedroom door to go to the living room when we saw a flash go off under the door. "He is real!" My sister and i screamed, scared to open the door. I asked my parents about it a few years later. They had just finished putting the presents out and took a quick picture of everything set up.
B0bsterls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:35:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as "My sister and I would wake up fucking extremely early" and I was like (o_o)
KeepCoolStayYoung ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:53:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Harvey?
RStiltskins ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:09:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
My grandma when I was younger would say if I came out early she would grab her gun shoot the Easter bunny and we'd eat it for dinner. I held my pee in as long as I could until I had to burst screaming I'm sorry Easter bunny the whole way to the washroom when I get back to my bedroom I hear a Big Bang (which I found out later on in life it was just pot and a wooden spoon) next night we had rabbit on the table for dinner. I thought I ruined Easter for everyone around the world. I felt terrible for years until the Easter bunny resurrected and had treats for my infer brother.
Younger* not inferior brother
Isagoge ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:18:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's how i lost my oldest brother.
Frรฉdรฉric only wanted to see the bunny but he only managed to look into the depths of hell.
AriasRapeWhistle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it because your parents let you watch Bill and Ted?
dlobnieRnaD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Donnie Darko bunny?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, given what those Easter Bunnies you took pictures with at the mall looked like I can see where that idea would come from.
jackmihof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I pictured the tooth fairy as Slimer from Ghostbusters carrying a briefcase. No idea where that came from, but after watching more scary movies I realize it could have been way worse!
darkproteus86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So basically you imagined something like this
B0bsterls ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:06:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, something along those lines. Probably more grey in color, though.
MoronLessOff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You stole Deacon's Easter basket!
Orut-9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a nightmare where I was attacked by the Easter bunny. He tried to stab me with a carrot and blow me up with egg grenades
romulusnr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't imagine what they told you about Santa Claus then.
SatanicCatVideo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found Donnie Darko
jijibs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Blame Donnie Darko
Lupin_AAGL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something something tree fiddy
Dlight98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Google "the bunny man"
Snicklefritz25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SAME. I wasn't afraid of Santa or the Tooth Fairy but the thought of a giant Easter bunny scared the shit out of me.
morsmordreme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Freud would love the fuck out of you.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:09:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is uncannily terrifying....
So Easter Eve must have been a relatively scary experience for you every year, I assume
kyle8998 ยท 197 points ยท Posted at 16:17:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to be a firetruck as a kid
[deleted] ยท 304 points ยท Posted at 16:29:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a better aim than an ice cream truck.
lompocmatt ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 16:35:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
0 to meta real quick
Herr_Doktore ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 17:12:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know tenletters has 10 letters?
OkArmordillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know soverymeta has 10 letters?
22eyedgargoyle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:03:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know that Armordillo has 10 letters.
Lurking4Answers ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:12:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That guy was very probably the most lame Transformer.
IAmHenrythe8thIAm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:32:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it though?
ClutchCinnabon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easier career to get into, too.
circa319 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:27:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my dad was in kindergarten they asked him what he wanted to be when he got older, and he said "a fire truck." They wanted to put him in special classes lol.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi Kyle!
DranoDrinker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey me too!!
Robmart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad also wanted this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did too. I figured I already had the hose, so why not?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of going on streets and dropping cold fluids on disgusting houses. People say to me that a person being a firetruck is Impossible and Iโm fucking retarded but I donโt care, Iโm beautiful. Iโm having a plastic surgeon install wheels, an engine and a JGB Enterprises, Inc. hose on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me โFiremantruckโ and respect my right to turn off fires below and go around streets needlessly. If you canโt accept me youโre a truckphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
b_pizzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did too! Apparently it's a common enough thing there's even a song about it.
666666t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CONCENTRATE MORTY! TURN INTO A CAR!
DeathStarJedi ยท 504 points ยท Posted at 16:14:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That all chicken nuggets were called "Chicken McNuggets".
[deleted] ยท 343 points ยท Posted at 17:43:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a ChickFilA and grown men still call our nuggets 'MCNuggets.' sigh
PaulMcGannsShoes ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:00:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I work at Starbucks and people frequently ask us for a 'sausage mcmuffin'.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:01:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Do you have people that have no idea how to pronounce "Ploynesian" at your CFA, too?
EDIT: Polynesian.
PoisonMind ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 19:28:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Muphry's Law strikes again!
Zaedeor ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And agian!
ThunderKlappe ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:39:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry%27s_law
Zaedeor ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 21:41:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well.
Natelynne ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:14:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Til
rbarton812 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:19:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thsi can't be a coincidecne.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:04:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you tell me that wasn't on purpose, I'll call bullshit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And anthoer one.
Lostsonofpluto ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:43:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've always hated saying "mcnugget." As a result I just say chicken nuggets no matter where I'm ordering them. Including McDonald's
mithoron ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:04:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Worked at a Dairy Queen back in the day, was hard not to laugh at people ordering a mcflurry.
vivestalin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:32:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I mean most people in the south call any soda Coke, and everyone in the US says Kleenex instead of tissue. In the uk you don't vacuum, you Hoover. It's a pretty normal thing to do.
commander_whiskers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:07:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly if I had a dollar for every time someone came in and ordered a 10 count McNugget, I could retire.
Beard_of_Valor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chickie Nobs!
ROGERTHEPEANUT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ditto
Henkersjunge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every tissue is a Kleenex/Tempo, every tablet is an iPad, every chicken nugget is a McNugget.
Pickletickler79 ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 17:56:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In 1988 Burger King won a suit arguing someone was illegally using their trademarked term "chicken tender." I can't find any news saying they lost the trademark but it seems to be generecized now.
http://www.apnewsarchive.com/1988/Jury-Finds-Burger-King-Has-Rights-To-Chicken-Tender-Trademark/id-24f1eb174b941483a8b4e03445b06119
PGrimse ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 20:43:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The correct term is tendies anyway
kennerdoloman ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:40:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fast good places really need to start accepting Good Boy Points.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:47:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/ZhKGtgcZghc
Noyes654 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Top text
Chicken tendies
ForTheText ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:13:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, a classic case of Trademark Erosion.
Highlight:
slowhand88 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:08:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man I totally forgot about the days when "Nintendo" was a synonym for video games.
-Me asking my friend to play MKII on the Genesis with me, circa 1995.
ForTheText ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:16:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like pressing Start to block ...
*vomits uncontrollably*
owningmclovin ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:31:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought chicken tender was short for Chicken Tenderloin. Which has always been stupid because it doesn't come from the loin it comes from the breast but it laterally says that at my local supermarket.
NoDoThis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus I'm 32 and I thought that's what it was... I even know tenderloin isn't part of the breast, I just never put it together. Fml
owningmclovin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:29:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of the kids in school always called them that in the cafeteria. He was the kind of kid who, once he realized something was annoying to others, would do the annoying thing even more.
By third grade he had basically ruined Chicken Nugget day. By fourth grade we were ready to tar and feather the fucker.
elyisgreat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:01:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, they invented them.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:23:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to call them McChicken McNuggets.
ohgodineedair ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:12:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really loved chicken nuggets as a kid but, I mean really all kids did. Anyway, I was pretty picky too and my parents would call me the "Chicken Finger Coneseure" and I suppose they were right because every time we got chicken nuggets somewhere other than McDonald's, my dad would still call them McNuggets and I would get so embarrassed, I'd yell at him. And to this day it still bothers me, probably more than it did when I was little.
Dissipated_Shadow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:38:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom calls all chicken nuggets "McNuggets".
TheDestroyerShiva ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:44:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a Burger King the other day and asked for a 10 piece chicken mcnugget.
facepalm
tacojohn48 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember going to a Chinese restaurant with my dad and he ordered Chicken McNuggets for me. The waiter had a good laugh.
Ofreo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:56:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Parts is parts.
wetwater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My high school advertised the chicken nuggets as chicken McNuggets. It pissed me off more than is should have.
terceslil ยท 636 points ยท Posted at 16:19:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that African American people saw everyone as brown people because their eyes are brown.
AfroJammin ยท 338 points ยท Posted at 17:16:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you stop believing this when you realised you didn't see everyone as blue or green people?
terceslil ยท 553 points ยท Posted at 17:51:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No
[deleted] ยท 424 points ยท Posted at 19:24:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You were not a smart kid.
CuteDreamsOfYou ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:49:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think smart kids are a thing.
Just slightly not dumb kids.
ArtIsDumb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smart kids can only know what they've been taught. Smart adults know what they've learned. Kids recite facts. Adults explain reasons.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's a pretty accurate summary of all the answers.
Beard_of_Valor ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:09:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Timely, if short, delivery from OP
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then why didn't you think that way about other eye colors?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No.
owningmclovin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
do you have brown eyes yourself?
terceslil ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:09:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No.
jakielim ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:30:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man of a few words, aren't you?
Powerpuff_God ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:06:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But, isn't everyone blue? I mean, I do have blue eyes, so it makes sense. Y'know, da ba dee, da ba di.
ForTheText ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:10:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if I told you some (see: most) white people have brown eyes?
AfroJammin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:45:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then I would ask the question "Did you stop believing this when you realised you didn't see everyone as brown people?"
African_Lorelord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if I told you that everyone on the planet actually has blue eyes?
ForTheText ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I knew that blue eyes were the result of the lack of whatever makes eyes brown, but I had no idea surgery could replicate it. Fascinating!
Tupnado21 ยท 149 points ยท Posted at 16:41:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A colorful viewpoint
tirmanadir ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:17:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would've made segregation really confusing.
ThePaperSolent ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:44:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I don't see colour"
"What do you see"?
"Brown, everything is brown"
The_Lion_Jumped ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:42:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about black people from England?
Lamb-and-Lamia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:48:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No the African English are a weird bunch. Totally different genealogy from African Americans.
Don't even get me started on the African Africans. What the hell is going on over there? Some of them are European despite being African. Its just absurd
Lamb-and-Lamia ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:43:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I die laughing when I hear people say African American.
Like not to be a dick but people should know that it sounds weird these days, the culture has sort of moved past that to a point where it sounds more racist than just saying black. It basically reeks of covert racism. In fact what it basically is saying is "I am scared that because you are black you will be irrationally angry at me for using the term black, and so I'm going to placate you like a good father by calling you African American. Look I'm playing by the rules"
Just seriously stop, not to mention its just absurd because not all black people are from America!!!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:13:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Awww... Little kid semi-racismjkjk
EveryoneIsFondOfOwls ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:19:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love how this completely ignores that white people can have brown eyes too.
Simpson_T ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So what colour were YOUR eyes?
terceslil ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:51:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Were & are green.
dzaroh2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you see only green?
Lead_Crucifix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
what about the rest of the blacks?
Xalteox ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:26:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do you know they don't?
_Polite_as_Fuck ยท 340 points ยท Posted at 16:17:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that shoulder blades are where your wings grow from when you become an angel.
evandactyl ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 22:43:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen some strippers' tattoos that would verify this.
KeijyMaeda ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:21:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess technically you can't prove that is not the case?
NotThisFucker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:36:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like the cut of yer jib there
kiwicupcake ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 17:05:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is adorable
citychimes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:48 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also true
Dino_Guy ยท -114 points ยท Posted at 18:43:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Your comment adds nothing, fuck off.
If your comment said 'this' you would be getting downvotes, but because you changed it, you get upvotes. Damn, I hate reddit at times.
Strongbad717 ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 19:35:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All of these flavors yet you choose to be salty
Smarticles2415 ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 19:03:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your comment adds nothing, fuck off.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 19:14:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your comment adds nothing, fuck off
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:38:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your comment adds nothing, fuck off.
ukulelej ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 21:31:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your comment is adorable, fuck off.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:32:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your comment adds nothing, fuck off.
Warpable ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:50:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cour yomment adds fothing, nuck off
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
saluton dulingvuloj !
ChiChiWah ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:58:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bork bork
landontbr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You comment nothing adds! Off! with your head
XxPnutBttr420xX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
.ffo kcuf ,ngihton sdda tnemmoc ruoY
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 19:02:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who hurt you?
Dapotato50 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:36:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Salty.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:10:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well aren't you just a bundle of joy?
We_Are_The_Waiting ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:49:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go suck an egg.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck adds, your nothing comment off
arcanascu ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:49:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know how you can jut your shoulder blade back? I legitimately thought that those were the beginnings of my wings. I wondered whether I would get bird wings or dragon wings and couldn't decide which one I wanted more. I was also extremely concerned about how I would keep wearing my favorite shirt once I had wings.
FireLucid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:10:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend had super weird shoulder blades. You could put a book there and he could poke them back and hold on to it.
F0xQueen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:01:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My little sister fell down the stairs one time and when I asked her if she was ok, she goes "yes, I just hurt my wings a little"
081890 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:48:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So did I!
LordDVanity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...this isn't right?
Floppie7th ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, for all we know...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
cringe. Me too. I actually asked my biology teacher about this... in 9th grade.
BombTicker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my mom told me that I had winged scapulas I thought that meant that I would grow wings... Unfortunately it just meant obtrusive shoulder blades and uneven pecs.
Kreatorkind ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 00:02:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
And then you realized that God is dead and you just rot in the ground?
EDIT: Wow... no sense of humor here. Haa! Lighten up.
Dikeleos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unexpected
jihadatheiststarstarstar42 ยท 546 points ยท Posted at 16:14:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That this wagon from the commercial for Purinaโข dog food would actually appear.
diegojones4 ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 16:25:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would be a dream come true.
[deleted] ยท 241 points ยท Posted at 16:56:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 17:28:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well, as a small child you were very intelligent regarding social groups and such, and very eloquent
wow_that_guys_a_dick ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:47:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I for one am disappointed the Chuck Wagon/Sea Monkey Economic summit never took place. But one must admire the enthusiasm of its organizer.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 21:44:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
jt68jt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a job for you in the Federal Government. See www.usajobs.gov for more information
diegojones4 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 16:58:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My seamonkeys always died within days. I was a bad seamonkey daddy.
therealpogger5 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 17:48:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
we had a mutant, it ate all the others and just would not die
vivestalin ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:34:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just really wanted to be a miniature person and live in a dollhouse. The fancy toy store near me even had working lamps in a 1:12 scale, I thought hat was the coolest thing in the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just slightly peed my pants at work, thanks a lot.
iStayGreek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your second comment makes the first, thank you.
larenardemaigre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god the sea monkey thing has me in tears
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 17:30:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was very upset upon getting my first ever bowl of rice krispies that they did not talk.
SavageFrenchFries ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:32:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or eating gushers for the first time and not having your head into a raspberry flavoured tumour.
heybrother45 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:42:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother was afraid to eat them because of this. He literally screamed "NOOOO!" at me when I started to eat them.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:09:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I expected there to be juice all over the room, like in the commercials.
Eye_Pod ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:42:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or turn into the silver surfer by drinking capri sun
KJ6BWB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:49:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember seeing that commercial for the first time. I though that they must have come out with some new version of Rice Krispies cereal and I wanted to get the kind that really made the Snap Crackle Pop version. So I eventually managed to talk my mom into buying some more and I was so disappointed that they didn't actively fizz or otherwise make a lot of noise like the commercials made it seem.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:00:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hate milk and even then refused to put it in my cereal. My mom explained that it wouldn't make any noise without milk so I made her put milk in it. So not only was I pissed it didn't sound right but I also wouldn't eat it because of the milk.
buddha34 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:30:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im still waiting for my box of Snap Crackle Kaboom from the Amanda Show
2LateImDead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:20:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine how annoying they would be if instead of just popping the cereal yelled "SNAP! CRACKLE! POP!"
JimmerUK ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:12:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Purina One. Point at a bag today.
friday6700 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:33:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THAT'S where that family guy joke came from! 13 years I've been wonder what the hell that was!
seesha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:53:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember that commercial very well! I was about three years old and the only thing I wanted for Christmas was the chuckwagon with little horses. Apparently my heart was broken when I did not receive this for Christmas that year and I cried and cried.
recipe_pirate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a Jurassic Park oatmeal a while back that promoted a contest where if your box rawred when you opened it, you'd win. I would go to the cereal aisle at the store and press my ear against the box to see if any of the boxes would rawr so i could bring it home and win. I also thought when contests on TV said "many will enter, few will win," actually said, "many will enter, you will win".
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:52:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should have gotten this game to make your dreams come true.
ThePenguinist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:04:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something similar for me...
As a child I cried when my mom wouldn't buy scrubbing bubbles brand cleaners. She gave in and I was beyond excited for her to clean the tub.
Turns out the commercials lie and there aren't fun little bubbles creatures that skate around and clean your tub.
I cried harder then
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I loved the chuckwagon. So meaty.
romulusnr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I like chuck wagons"
VROOOOOOMMMMM
PacManDreaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I used to love that commercial when I was a kid.
moltenuniverseplease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the funniest shit.
kachipoirier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What did you say when you seen the Kool aid man??
CeruleanTresses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This commercial is disturbing. Big, juicy chunks of what? Golden nuggets of what? What are they hiding?
my__CABBAGES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like how they stir it
elHerpes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:12:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
jshaf8 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:35:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When was this on tv? I'm only 22 and I remember this commercial, but it seems just a bit before my time.
my__CABBAGES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:02:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the 70s
Lolzzergrush ยท 168 points ยท Posted at 16:46:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fan death. That sleeping with the fan on would kill me in my sleep.
[deleted] ยท 285 points ยท Posted at 17:04:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the Korean
TorgueFlexington ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:27:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
East or West Korea?
tsiddique1374 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:07:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Best Korea
Prometheus8330 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:35:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have been modded in /r/pyongyang.
pizzaforthewin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aka top Korean
Henkersjunge ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:38:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
West Korea
kiwicupcake ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 17:09:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hear this is a thing in Korea
Il_Gigante_Buono ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:07:22 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's how families cover up suicide because it is so taboo.
Nael5089 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
North or south?
PunxsatownyPhil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
South.
One_more_page ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:21:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My fan is pretty wobbly. Even as a young teen I had thoughts about it falling from the ceiling and chopping my feat off. Then it would fall through the floor and the combined weight of the fan and my bed would crush my parents on the first floor.
tetrachoron ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:35:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
DarthStrakh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the ceiling fan falls.
darkknightxda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents still believe that :/
FireLucid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:11:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It cuts up the oxygen so you can't breathe.
jungyumguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I swear though every time I sleep with the fan on, I feel I wake up feeling ill, like a part of my life was sucked away.
tombue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
kekekekeke
astrocat39 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the FNAF player!
NanoFire_Mead ยท -11 points ยท Posted at 17:24:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Evidence this is true.
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:29:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for wasting 4 minutes of my life. Your letterbomb is in the post.
CookietheBunny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:59:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Uh, the video was less thsn two miutes long.
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plus 2 minutes of loading.
NanoFire_Mead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:43 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Question, does this letterbomb contain a form of disease or it is more explosive? Just need to know, got my carpets done last week and it would be a shame to have them dirty so soon.
CookietheBunny ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:57:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why the fuck is this being downvotex? Did anybody even look at the link?
NanoFire_Mead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:39 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea... Must be some serious fans on Reddit.
[deleted] ยท 296 points ยท Posted at 15:52:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That as long as I tucked the bed covers under my feet the monsters couldn't grab me.
[deleted] ยท 209 points ยท Posted at 17:32:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still do this and I am 34 years old.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 17:35:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some habits are a lot harder to break than others.
[deleted] ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 17:40:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well... it's worked so far.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:03:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the summer i let my feet and hands hang off the sides of my bed. I feel like such badass when doing that.
HuoXue ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 01:55:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're lulling you into a false sense of security.
One of these days, dude. Stop before it's too late.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:37:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm having a baby in five weeks and I still cover my head when I sleep alone so the monsters can't find me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! I am 21 weeks pregnant myself.
lapotatoe ยท -13 points ยท Posted at 20:43:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thats sad
s3Nq ยท 320 points ยท Posted at 16:23:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They can't bro
milkcustard ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:01:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother sleeps like that to this day, for the same reason. He is 38 years old.
SpookyJones ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:31:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still do it and I'm 43! :)
Zifna ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:05:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure that one's true.
xAgentCoke ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:25:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all the villains from Batman lived under my bed, and the only way I could keep them from taking me was to tuck my feet into the covers.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:01:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me I had to mummify my entire body, leaving only a tiny airhole.
polloloco44 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:53:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, still like to sleep like that to this day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because of fear?
polloloco44 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:25:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, but now I'm just so used to it I find it hard to sleep any other way.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:35:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you want to become a butterfly? Because that is how you become a butterfly.
themndanny ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:38:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did the same exact thing, too scared that something could see me or hear me and not even kill me, just look at me.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:59:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to shut the shower currents in my bathroom to create a barrier between me and the monosters
OneGoodRib ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:46:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's weird how many adults still do that. We grow out of all those other silly beliefs, but so many of us are still terrified some monster under the bed will grab our limbs if they stick out over the side of the bed at night.
TallAssWhiteKid ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:15:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well has a monster ever grabbed you?
Kyddeath ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:13:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
36 years for me and not 1 monster attack
Nixie9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:15:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still do this
just_some_other_guy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:20:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing except it wasn't monsters I was scared of, it was spiders. I thought they would crawl up from between my sheets and bite my feet. No idea how they would have gotten in there in the first place, though...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey its me ur monster
-HeyYou- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:22:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
haha something similar - that any part of my body not covered by my duvet had to be on my pillow
mynaras ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Silly goof, monsters have claws to cut through sheets and drag you screaming into the abyss. Pleasant dreams!
Ur_favourite_psycho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm under your bed... with cookies!
Iamaredditlady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Duh
_FinnTheHuman_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to sleep fine until one night I hallucinated that something was grabbing my feet - after that I did the same as you :)
I grew out of it (mostly), but about once a year I get the same hallucination again. :C
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did this for raccoons that might some how fall through my ceiling...weird stuff
Mad-Dawg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had two twin beds in my room. Under my bed, there was a blind alien who would reach around the bed looking for my feet. Under the other bed was a tiger. So I had to jump onto the other bed, and then leap as far as possible off that bed to avoid both.
RentacleGrape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:11:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Over some period of time as a child I always slept curled up, because for whatever reason I though mice might nibble at my toes if I didn't. I have no idea why I thought that, probably something from some old fairy-tale. The fact that we actually did have mice in the house -- hence the reason we had a cat -- didn't help the slightest.
ScreamingSkeletal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:12:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just did this literally 5 seconds before reading that
bfandreas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still do that. It does deter the monster.
...who is a cat. They are dicks.
SunbringerGuardian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doing that since I watched Paranormal Activity when I was 16 years old..
Exterminate_Duck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When u was young I came to the terrifying realization that the covers couldn't protect me, but at least I'd die with ralphie (my teddy bear) in my arms. :(
[deleted] ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 20:43:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:59:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you thought tractors were living animals?
Lykos_T ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:37:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a farmer I can say this is totally true, or first egg of the year should hatch any day now!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is so cute
Luckylemon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:55:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me they were cannibal's huts. Like each one had a cannibal that lived inside. Totally believed that for far too long.
FuttBuckingUgly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:23:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my husband?
MsNeonFairy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:28:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"And those are Marshmallow farms! that's where the "good cereals" come from. But Nana won't let us have any" -diabetic grandpa
WednesdayxAddams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wut.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:04:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
WednesdayxAddams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Adorable.
tonttuvain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same, but for me they were cow eggs. I like tractor eggs a lot more though.
[deleted] ยท 226 points ยท Posted at 16:01:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
diegojones4 ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 16:24:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So many nights trying to get that pen on the table to move.
ngstyle ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 16:44:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... until you shat your pants
MiserableLurker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:34:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
While expecting to go SSJ...
SkrublordPrime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:55:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what you get for not wearing your psychic hood.
Legacy601 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, you kept going no matter how many pants you shat in
PM_ME_A_or_B_CUPS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
pen is moving... no wait, just an extra space in that comment
ZaevaSarain ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:40:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't we all? I know I did.
batnastard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:17:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you read XMen like I did? Of course telekinesis and other mutant powers only show up at puberty!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So strange, but I thought the same thing! I also thought I had dormant magical powers, like the power to fly and read minds and things, that I would grow into. No idea why I thought that.
tenfootgiant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try every hot girl I see.
eekstatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You might be wizzerd, 'Arry! Wait and see, eh?"
PM-ME-YOUR-STOMACH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just don't go corrupt and turn into a giant blob of flesh resembling a baby.
tonttuvain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'll have to wait until you're 30 year old virgin.
terceslil ยท 334 points ยท Posted at 16:17:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that my uncle who passed away was the man in the moon. I thought I could see his face in the moon.
[deleted] ยท 510 points ยท Posted at 17:47:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Touching. Just like my uncle!
lellistair ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:27:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
wait, all our uncles can't be
the man in the moonchild molestersSiegelski ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:04:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...that's not what he meant.
lellistair ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:51:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think they meant what I thought they meant and not what you thought I thought they thought they meant. I mean, I'm not sure what you thought I meant, but it wasn't what you thought. I think.
Siegelski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not even gonna try to follow that.
Sidorakh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I did. /u/lellistair thoguht that unlike the implication (of a toching uncle), it was a touching moment.
They thought that not_qwite_right meant that they also saw their uncle on the moon, much like terceslil said in the parent comment. Lillistair goes on to say that they don't know what Siegelski thought they meant, and says that it's probably not what he actually meant by saying that.
That good enough for ya?
EDIT: A tldr of sorts - everyone is supposedly wrong about everyone else
Siegelski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha yes. Glad I outsourced the tedium of understanding that to you haha.
Sidorakh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:19:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're very much welcome. That was actually kinda fun.
i need a life
tonttuvain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh I find this a lot harder to understand. I've always been good with the supposedly difficult to understand plays on words.
Sidorakh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:57:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I tried. . The tldr is everyones thoughts on everone else is apparently wrong. Gonna add that
lellistair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh, see, I was never molested by my uncle, so I didn't realize what /u/not_qwite_right meant
Lostsonofpluto ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:36:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...wait
MartinLoofah ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:04:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha
romulusnr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:33:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wait a minute
ItIsWhatItls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie?
Dino_Guy ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 18:38:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wrong thread.
EBgamesEvan45 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
R.I.P
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:06:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My only friend was the man in the moon
khbb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:16:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought the same but of my dad. I think my mum put the idea in my head though :/
nebuchadnezzarVI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my uncle was biggie smalls because he was overweight, black and had a deep voice.
ThatCrossDresser ยท 146 points ยท Posted at 17:10:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was sure that if I worked out, went to Karate, and practiced hard enough I could shoot beams of energy out of my hands like in Dragon Ball Z. I mean just because no one had ever done it doesn't mean it can't be done. Oh I tried, I spent at least an hour every day practicing or working out all summer.
Seeing as I am not flying around shooting beams of energy at evil invading aliens right now you can guess how that whole thing turned out.
SnazzyJazzMusic ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:39:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just need more time to train.
huyzor ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:09:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hyperbolic time chamber will work wonders for a person.
CasuallyVerbose ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:12:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dude, I saw the episode where Gohan trains Videl and 12-year-old me was like "Holy shit, humans can do it to!" so I assumed "the pose" (you know the one), and just focused as hard as I could on making energy come out of my hands. I thought I was making progress, too, because I was starting to feel something after a while! Unfortunately, it was just the sensation of blood draining from my fingers.
rocklob0 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:32:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some grown people believe something like this. I can't find it right now, but there is a hilarious video of practitioners of a chi-based martial art "sparring" with an Australian skeptics group that used conventional martial arts. The chi guys were trying to repel the opponents with their energy shields to very humorous effect.
AWildCookieMonster ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:37:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember seeing a fight or something where the instructor actually believed that he could attack with chi so he fought a black belt in judo. The guy looked so surprised when the "chi attack" didn't do anything and the judo guy just beat him
tenfootgiant ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:32:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Will we find out how it turned out in the next exciting episode?
ThatCrossDresser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:38:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah after 10 minute recap. Then in just 3 minutes I will tell you how everything turned out. See you next time for Reddit Karma Z.
MetathranSoldier ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:39:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When i was around 10 me and my friend were standing in our garden, splitting the legs as far as we could and scream and focus to become super Sayan. Instead my friend shit his pants and we never talked about it again.
Talk about dreams being crushed...
Rios7467 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello Dwight.
ThatCrossDresser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi Mike
caedin8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey I haven't seen any aliens yet. I believe in you.
s0974748 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least you got ripped!
TheJonesSays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi Matt Corran.
ThatCrossDresser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:48:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not familiar with that reference.
TheJonesSays ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:16:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a reference.
knirefnel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not familiar with that symbolism.
Mustafasyed ยท 573 points ยท Posted at 16:23:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I ate watermelon seeds then drank water, a watermelon would grow inside of me. Its been years but I'm still too scared to try.
harvestmainecoon ยท 477 points ยท Posted at 17:19:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I blame Rugrats for this
Bozzz1 ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 18:43:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking rugrats scarred me for life
SadGhoster87 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:20:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, you really shouldn't have been fucking rugrats in the first place...
GalacticGoobers ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:47:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'M NOT TOMMY! HUHUHAHAHAHA!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:12:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
Zaedeor ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:55:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i blame grandpa
jshaf8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does anyone else remember an episode of all the rugrats at the beach? And at some point Spike (the dog) swims way too far out into the ocean and all the babies are freaking out?
I never saw past that because I was sobbing so hard I was never allowed to watch rugrats again.
Can someone find any info on it?
TheJonesSays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup.
bfandreas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Had this notion too. Just with apples.
I blame my uncle. Loved messing with me.
athehack ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 17:46:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking rugrats did that to me too
Habtra ยท 127 points ยท Posted at 18:41:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, you really shouldn't have been fucking rugrats in the first place...
Randomosaur ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:28:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/Rule34
SadGhoster87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:20:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We need a name for this meme
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:23:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
Wickedintheheights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something something rugrat-aroo
Something something hold my screwdriver im something something
ngstyle ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:42:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would explain the movie "alien"
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:31:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine if they remade alien, but instead of being attacked by aliens people were attacked by watermelons....
"I was unconscious and when I woke up... there was a watermelon rind on my face..."
bigmcstrongmuscle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't you pay attention in Biology 101? The watermelon is the polyp stage. The Xenomorph is the medusa.
Trainkid9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:24:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or District 9.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:42:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if you accidentally inhaled a seed it could sprout in your lungs. It's happened many times. Always crunch seeds with your teeth, don't swallow whole raw seeds. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1302142/Pea-sprouts-mans-lung-Doctors-vegetable-growing-pensioner.html
FackleGracks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're going to need to eat some sunlight.
Zanki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did Rugrats cause that one?
Mewmaster101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yup, same here, another person lied to by rugrats
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's possible I think http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-10945050
CalcBros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It does work, but you have to eat manure, too.
romulusnr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a seed that you can put in you that can cause a watermelon-like thing to grow inside you, so there's that.
DarthStrakh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Happened to my cousin except with popcorn;It was also her ear instead.
Lolaindisguise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandpa told me this
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I thought of this as I ate the seeds. I was scared but really curious.
BoneslyGrifter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin told me that if I swallowed seeds that they'd grow and come out of my ears.
zomtech ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 17:54:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the dishwasher tabs will shoot lasers to clean the dishes, just like in the commercial. I told my mom that she had to buy the specific type from the tv ad, and I unpacked them and tried to shoot with 'em, but it didn't work. I was very sad.
wetwater ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:57:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was about age 40, I thought dishwashers filled completely with water. Despite having one, I didn't realize they just sprayed water around until I saw a Go Pro video on Youtube. Watching it, I thought to myself, "that actually makes a hell of a lot more sense."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:09 on May 3, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, they don't fill completely with water? :O
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, what ad is this? I need to see this.
zomtech ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:15:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
didn't find it but there was a similar one for persil megaperls https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RdCMYb0WWM
SonaBacha ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 17:06:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a "topless bar" meant the building had no roof...
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:33:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Mrshinyturtle2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:20:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If only...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:10:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
arcanascu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:02:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was like a bottomless drink type situation, but they just kept pouring it in and you kept drinking through the straw so the liquid never reached the top of the glass.
The_Fire_Guy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:07:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought a dive bar was a place where you could literally go diving while drinking.
Azazelsheep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this for a while too, then I thought everyone in topless bars had to be topless, including patrons.
JustACapybara ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 18:11:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So many ridiculous things:
Phil8show ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:23:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
Lostsonofpluto ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:55:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have two cousins that happen to be twins. When they were 4 the older convinced the younger that if he jumped off the couch he would fly all the way to heaven and see God. So he tried it, and slammed his face into the coffee table and knocked two teeth out.
ThatGuyKaral ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:33:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If he banged his head harder it might've worked!
KrickyD ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:24:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap, I had almost the same belief! I thought that if I broke the TV screen I could jump into Sesame Street. I never tried it because I couldn't figure out how I'd get back. I mean, I wanted to hang out with Big Bird and Grover and stuff...but I also wanted my mommy to tuck me in at njght, too. It was quite the dilemma.
rokudaimehokage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:58:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Blue scadoo we can too.
Rios7467 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:45:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel that the first is probably accurate. I mean if someone could swim in the air it would actaully be comparable to flying.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For the second one, I take it you played Super Mario 64,
One_Mikey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude...I would fantasize about Muppet Baby-like scenarios to entertain myself before I fell asleep.
lilyrae ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 16:55:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that women got pregnant by swallowing a whole egg, then eating a guy's "stuff".
FackleGracks ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:32:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like, a chicken egg? Hard boiled?
lilyrae ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 19:28:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, chicken egg. It had to be raw though. A cooked egg doesn't hatch a chicken. lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you really have to pee in a girls mouth to make babies?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:08:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's my fetish ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Fortembras88 ยท 171 points ยท Posted at 21:09:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sex was just kissing naked. It's all I ever saw on t.v. sex scenes that slipped by my parents "don't look!" stage. When I finally had "the talk" with my dad he started off talking about sperm and how it makes babies. Freaked out, I yelled "it goes in her mouth?!" Still thinking that it was just kissing naked. He chuckled and said "Hah! If you're lucky!"
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 11:09:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you're lucky ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
bfandreas ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:20:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait! We have the same dad?
There seems to be universal dad humor and it is intercultural.
CaptainGloom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:21:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now that got me laughing.
DatDrummerGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:21:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What a dad !
SonaBacha ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 17:06:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that all black people were fabulously wealthy. This was based on the only two black people I knew. One was my friend, whose father was some sort of business man who took the family to Disney World every year, and my pediatrician, who drove a fancy convertible.
I remember seeing something about the Ethiopian famine on TV around this time, and being terribly confused as to why they didn't just buy some food. My dad set me straight.
snickerDUDEls ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 16:36:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that once you married someone, getting pregnant just happened, or didn't happen. Like you had 0 control over it. Then I realized you don't have to be married to get pregnant and I learned sex wasn't just kissing naked, but actually brewing up a child
MiserableLurker ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:46:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have to use the finest grain available...
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:32:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
meneldal2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:09:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty short compared to most good stuff actually.
Dungeon_Of_Dank_Meme ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:13:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sitting in a coffee shop, half evaluating the coffee I'm drinking, and half reading this thread. I was like, wait, I'm not on /r/coffee am I? Oh.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing and was absolutely terrified, since I knew from my childhood that I never wanted kids. Finding out that you actually do have control over it was the best day of my life.
You know that little story about how the wrinkles under your pinkie finger tell you how many kids you are going to have? I had to go to the ER when I was four because I took my mom's iron and tried to iron mine flat. Burned the shit outta my hand.
I really, really didn't want kids.
snickerDUDEls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:20:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's intense, 4 year old you is really making a big decision there! But I haven't heard of the pinky wrinkle thing, which wrinkles are you referring to?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's on the side of your hand, underneath the pinkie? It was just one of those things I always heard from other kids. It fucking terrified me.
25 now and happily sterilized :)
snickerDUDEls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow you really don't want kids. Did you ever donate sperm to keep your DNA going, or are you happy being the last flamingo-dingo-bingo? If you don't mind me asking
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a lady :D
My DNA sucks anyhow. No reason to burden anybody with that hot mess.
snickerDUDEls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:38 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I'm sorry! But fair enough, I can totally understand not wanting kids
[deleted] ยท 226 points ยท Posted at 18:36:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
right around the time i began to hit puberty i got a pug. A few weeks after we got him, blonde hair began coming in all over my body. For awhile after that i was unbellieveably scared that i was slowly morphing into a pug. This also affected my relationship with the dog because as much as i loved him, i kept thinking to myself i dont know if i can turn into a pug for him. then we learned about puberty in health class and i realized that i wasnt turning into a dog. Well anyway i was 11 when that happened, am currently in college and that dog is currently next to me on the couch and is still my best friend to this day
Edit: Someone asked for a picture http://imgur.com/nC1P4QE
othersidewrites ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:45:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that is straight up hilarious
LaskaBear ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:22:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think we are going to need pictures of the pug.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:24:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pugberty
Reiner_Locke ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:38:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a goosebumps episode. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1097929/
carifreak ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:50:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That ended on a really cute note
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:17:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's an old pug
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hes 10 years old now but still in good health lol
tdotbay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:21:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
love this
butwhatsmyname ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:09:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's just goddammned adorable. Give my regards to your pug buddy.
emmy166 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG that's absolutely amazing
keyboard_addict ยท 303 points ยท Posted at 21:09:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That white people pooped white. I'm an African American, so maybe you can understand the confusion.
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 21:14:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok. Who's the rat?
emmymcd ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:32:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that since I have brown freckles, black people must have white freckles.
Mrshinyturtle2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:12:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same for me but with nipples
Don't ask
the_master_of_memes ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since you have brown nipples, black people must have white nipples? Have you spoken to your doctor about that? The having brown nipples part, I mean
LaskaBear ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:19:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Along this same vein, I thought African American men cummed black semen. I thought this until I was like 15.
jonsonton ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 01:57:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How'd you figure out they didn't? ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:56:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
interracial porn is pretty popular
Meoowth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:17:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations, you're on par with Herodotus, the "first true historian." (The wiki doesn't explicitly mention this inaccuracy of his, but it's in his book, and well known. To nerds.)
hialeah007 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:40:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OMG!!! I thought black people pooped white because I pooped brown!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:05:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, that actually makes sense in a childish way! You're white because you poop the brown out of you, and black people are black because they poop the white out of them.
ergopeter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:22:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And brown cows produce chocolate milk
radonas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:38:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We do, why else would toilets would be white?
bern4pres ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 07:30:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told they pooped Gold and that was why they were so rich and privileged.
bfandreas ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 14:21:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If that weren't true, then why the white poops outside?
Hmmmm?
Ge0rgeOscarBluth ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 21:17:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought catching on fire would be a somewhat regular occurrence. They really pushed the stop, drop, and roll thing on us in school.
bitemyearlobesgirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:37:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
(Speaking from experience) I'd say the number of times one is on fire tends to rely on a number of factors including occupation, hobbies, precautions taken, knowledge of wiring systems, and presence of gasoline.
Answer_the_Call ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a book called "The Book of Lists" and there was a section on spontaneous combustion in there. That shit freaked me out and for years I feared it'd happen to me.
epicolocity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For my first 4 years of school hey talked to us about it like twice a year, why in the fuck did they think that was such an important thing to teach? Has a school been sued over not teaching this in the past or something? That's the only reason why I could see them putting as much importance in it as they did
ZappySnap ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 23:59:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure I'm too late for this to get noticed, but:
When I was a kid, my parents told me that you had to have milk when you ate brownies. If you didn't, you'd die. This was great, until one day I took a bite of brownie, went to get a glass of milk and discovered we had run out. I had a complete meltdown, as I was sure I would be dead within the next few minutes if I didn't get milk immediately.
My dad eventually explained that I'd be fine, but my fear grew into anger first: he was laughing hysterically at my impending doom.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:13:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"eh boy, you're gonna die"
[deleted] ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 16:19:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
therealmaxipadd ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:46:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can make lava with a hot pocket
newenglandredshirt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:22:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my house, the floor was lava. :-(
bigjelly ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 20:47:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 11 or so a friend on the bus told me what spooning was. For years I believed that spooning involved sticking spoons in people's butts and then eating their poop. I was horrified anytime a movie would mention it casually, and didn't understand why i was the only one bothered by it. It was a relief to learn the truth, but the word still makes me shudder a little.
ASmallFeat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
your friend was evil.
Florence10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 13 my friend explained spooning to me but added that you can only do it when your completely naked.
[deleted] ยท 154 points ยท Posted at 16:31:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Riobhain ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 17:16:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What? Why?
ROGERTHEPEANUT ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 18:24:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. I was young and stupid with an imagination
shlongkong ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:13:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must have been a pretty advanced 3 year old to know that Mars even existed, let alone concepts like gravity, orbit, and atmospheric re-entry.
ROGERTHEPEANUT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I knew the basic concepts from shows like Bill Nye and I thought every kid knew what Mars was.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:23:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you don't know what a fucking 3 year old is
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:36:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, he was an alien.
DahnVersace ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:19:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would make a funny Superman origin story
SouthWindThrowaway ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:00:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I grow up, I wanna go to the moon!
Why wait? punt
Montallas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:43:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My theory on this is: your dad was throwing you in the air and catching you - but one time he dropped you on your head and you were either knocked out or given a slight concussion or something. This was the time he threw you into "orbit"... Nothing has been right since then!
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found Valentine Michael Smith.
elHerpes ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:16:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
right to tumblr with you
Senor_Tucan ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 15:59:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my stepdad was actually Michael J. Fox, and when he left on business trips he was really in Hollywood acting.
lompocmatt ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 16:35:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I've never seen your dad and Michael J Fox in the same room before. If that's not proof, I don't know what is
newenglandredshirt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:25:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: OP's dad is Christopher Lloyd.
GerkDentley ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I've never seen you and Michael J Fox in the same room either.
PM_ME_VALYRIAN_STEEL ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:50:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait a second. I have never seen Michael J Fox. Maybe I become Michael J Fox in my sleep
thedoctoralwayslies ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:03:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my aunt was Roseanne for a long time, because when she babysat me we would watch that and MASH reruns. Thinking back on it, I never really thought about her needing to have filmed it or anything like that, she just looked exactly like Roseanne Barr to me.
CornbreadAndBeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You never had an aunt, your mom just left the tv on for you while she went out to the bar.
detecting_nuttiness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's funny! Somehow, I was under the impression that John Travolta was an uncle that I never met. When I found out he was in lots of big movies, I wanted to meet him! But my dad said that I probably would not get the chance... :(
Photobrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced my cousin Brian was Shia LaBeouf. And eve time I saw him I'd asks what it was like working on the Even Stevens set. And if bean was really weird.
kill_the_peasants ยท 944 points ยท Posted at 16:11:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought that I was a secret-agent-alien with my own TV show for the people back on the "home planet". Kind of a sort of Exposing earthlings type thing. Every Saturday I would quite literally narrate my entire day, from morning to night, explaining how the Earth works and begging "them" to "please please please come and bring me back home soon". I did this until I was around 8, and my mother has most episodes of my TV show on tape.
Edit: Why the down-votes lads? I swear, in the last minute the points have been rising and falling like childrens' belief in Santa :(
Edit Edit: (if that's what it's called, I dunno, I'm a new redditor) grammar
[deleted] ยท 196 points ยท Posted at 20:34:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
metans ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:02:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not his fault. It all got a bit too edgy for the network with the whole "discovering masturbation" storyline, and they felt that there was little to no plot development or variety after that episode.
pinkmeanie ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:05:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You, sir or madam, are tragically undervoted.
DoctorDizzyspinner ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:12:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I mean... The episode where he had to destroy Mars after sneaking cookies? What a cliffhanger!
Troscus ยท 209 points ยท Posted at 16:16:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd watch that. Fuck those guys for leaving you here.
scoutmorgan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:57:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, we can adopt the alien from his abandoning family.
FireLucid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a documentary about earthlings made for aliens. I have no idea what it is called but I do remember that they also had people dressed as sperm running on a running track.
OoHexusoO ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 18:37:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
these all need to be uploaded to youtube right now...
ductyl ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:16:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. Time to start a weekly release schedule...
Calprith ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:26:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now, with a link
Alsmalkthe ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 19:05:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doo DOO do do DOO doo the truth is out there
Spratster ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:26:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doot doot.
somebody201 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:09:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I'm sorry seems we forgot to tell you, your show was canceled when you were 7. My bad guess I should not have left that to my intern.
P.S. Maybe if your show ever gets revived we'll have money in the budget for your big return. Till then enjoy earth.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:42:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thankfully your not an alien and your username isn't relevant :D
Unless he is lying
kaimason1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:05:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Could be that reddit doesn't really show exact numbers on posts, especially those with a few downvotes. This is especially noticeable with a more heavily voted on comment. If you keep refreshing it might continually change what exact number it shows, but it'll stay around the same average. There isn't a constant stream of people downvoting and upvoting you, reddit's just fudging the exact number.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha same thing with me! I would look to the top corner as if there was a hidden camera ๐๐๐
rxninja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:55:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's very Spaceman Spiff of you.
KJ6BWB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pics or vid or it didn't happen. (Please upload, please upload, please upload...)
omnichronos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:27:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Asperger's?
kill_the_peasants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:30:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, just a really fucking stupid child with a father who was convinced that every cloud he saw in the sky was a UFO and a mother who thought it was hilarious and did nothing to stop me believing it.
omnichronos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can see how that would warp your sense of reality.
Lookingattheclouds ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:53:07 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing, minus the please take me home part
yaosio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put them on youtube.
pfafulous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could make some bucks with those on YouTube if they catch on. Spread them out, tho, don't dump them all at once.
RadarCME ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's bad ass.
[deleted] ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 21:24:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you actually serious? You were that dumb as a child.
Glad you got out of that.
We_Are_The_Waiting ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:54:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well it sucks you never grew out of the entitled 4 year old stage.
Sippingin ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 16:24:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined my life as a movie or t.v show, and the people in my life are main characters.
mrcolon96 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 20:46:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still do this. I like to fantasize my life is a reality show. When I'm with other people and someone says something stupid I picture myself in a confessional room talking shit about that person and eyerolling.
FlatteredPawn ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:27:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still do that sometimes ;.;
knirefnel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi Abed.
Callmeaderp ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:51:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually a condition called the Truman show (syndrome I believe) no bs look it up its named after the movie.
pfdingus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Truman?
Theeshades ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a movie starring Jim Carrey about a man who was adopted by a film company and raised in a reality TV show, 24 hours funded by product placement. It is great, you should give it a watch.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:19:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'll stare at nothing for a few seconds, like I'm looking at the camera, and imagine a laugh track playing when something funny/stupid happens.
ukralibre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you think it is not? I bet it is
hushzone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't everyone?
danillonunes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Guys, should we tell him?
Brer_Tapeworm ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 20:16:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
. . . Just as long as you grow out of this by the time you're an adult who needs to interact on a daily basis with the people around you. Because then this belief is definitely not cute anymore. (At least not in the people I know whose actions show that they believe this.)
Edit: Uhhโsorry I offended all the people who do still believe they're the star of a TV show? . . . I guess?
UnstoppableYT ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 16:31:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That losing a game of Yu-Gi-Oh, would actually send me to the shadow realm
Herr_Doktore ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 17:14:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't? I wouldn't know. I haven't lost yet.
CuteCatGirl_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:46:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1v1
SkrublordPrime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:59:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Badass.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:52:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And there are 25 lifeless bodies in the basement.
TheTurtleyTurtle ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 17:37:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must have been really good a Yu-Gi-Oh to have though this for a long amount of time.
Bloodwinger ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:26:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
maybe you are really in a shadowrealm
Ahomewood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some people at competitive events they still believe this
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or was we call it today.. 'Shadow banned'
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:22:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever the whole family would get in the same car, my mom always made sure to insist on putting our seat belts on. But she'd always say, "If you don't put your seat belt on, you'll fly through the window!" And so I had this irrational fear that if I didn't, I would fly through the front window without breaking it like a ghost, fly through the next car's window, and would have to become a member of that family forever.
Kreatorkind ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:31:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watching the Matrix trilogy must have freaked you out!
wackawacka2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:15:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, she wasn't exactly wrong.
evandactyl ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:46:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was about 5 or 6, I used to think people really died in movies. Actors would martyr themselves for the sake of fame.
HowlinMadSnake ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:21:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I legit thought Alec Guinness died in Star Wars and really was a ghost in the next two films.
DrInsano ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 16:44:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, probably around 10 or so I started to learn about the birds and the bees. Somehow, though, I got into my head that a hole would open up in a woman's chest between her boobs, and that's where the guy would stick his penis in and get her pregnant that way. The baby would still come out where it normally comes out, but the act of conception involved chest-fucking a girl.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:44:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What. The. Fuck.
DrInsano ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:17:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know, right?
MacFluffle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:54:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay good money to have been in your Sex Ed class, just to see your face when you found out the truth! Ha ha!
DrInsano ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:17:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Luckily, I figured it out before it got that far!
CokeAddictABC ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:03:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you come up with titjobs? I think you came up with tit jobs.
ThePaperSolent ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:52:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the (is it the vulva, where the dick would be) was absorbing and when you touched the penis onto it, BOOM, preggers.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MFW I finished reading this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yw7dlXrkrEU
DrInsano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll take that as a compliment.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ItookAnumber4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, asked for ridiculous belief not why are you a retard.
cats-quilts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol this is great!! What lead you to believe this??
DrInsano ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:40:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I was just getting curious about what women look like at that time, and soon learned that there was something called sex. At that point I read some random sex info AOL site thing. There was something about sticking your penis between things, and maybe I just saw boobs and didn't bother rereading it.
cccino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was an episode of Ugly Americans with something like that.
SweetTalkingWoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:31:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's funny. One of my friends also had the same misconception.
crunchyturtles ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 17:28:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That adults had everything figured out. That when I got to college, I would miraculously know what it was I wanted to do with my life, find the perfect job after I graduated and maintain a stable group of amazing friends who helped me along the way.
MacFluffle ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 20:58:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago(I'm 33), it dawned on me that NOBODY knows what they're doing and everyone is faking it and hoping not to get caught. Everyone from the president down to the everyday first time parent. It was a big load off when I figured that one out. My stress levels have never been lower! Fuck it all!
crunchyturtles ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:35:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're faking it so convincingly though lol
midgemaj ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:37:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe faking it is making it.. after all? Huh. I feel the same.
newenglandredshirt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:19:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't figure this out until I was unemployed in my 20s and I asked my dad for job hunting tips. The man had always been able to give me advice, but this time, he said, "I'm still trying to figure that out myself."
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I regret that I have but one upvote to give you.
Dungeon_Of_Dank_Meme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still feel like shit about it.
othersidewrites ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:37:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. I had this idea that once a person got to college age, they magically had 100% self-confidence. Like we all have a self-confidence meter that fills up by the time you are 18. Sad that didn't turn out to be true...
caedin8 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:08:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
None of that happens.
I always felt like I was working for something. Three years of hard work for junior high, getting ready for high school. Four hard years of high school, but it is worth it to prepare for college. Six (let's be honest here) years of college, but don't give up you are so close! It will be worth it in the end!
I'm now 9 months out of school, and I walked into a perfect high paying job the day I graduated. I feel so empty. There is nothing to work to any more, work is okay but my entire life philosophy is broken. I feel like I'm just counting the days down until death. It's chilling and I feel like I've been lied to all these years. I wish I didn't care so much when I was younger. At least in school I was forced to spend time with other people everyday. Now my friend group is smaller than it has ever been. I have three or four people I talk to at work, and then I come home to watch YouTube or read Reddit. The reality of life is so depressing.
RedSkyCrashing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:58:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now I don't feel so bad for taking the "scenic" route.
crunchyturtles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Change it. Save up some money and go traveling. Find a different job. Do something that makes you happy. I know it sounds stupid, but 10 years from now you'll regret it if you don't make changes now.
tonttuvain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Watch anime and become an otaku. That's what everyone does.
auroralaurealis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:45:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:/
Thisdarlingdeer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember being 21 or so, and my older coworker who was in her 50s and I were talking, and I said to her "I just don't know what I want to do with my life" and she chirped in "hell, I'm 55 and I still don't know" I broke into tears - she had a look of sadness in her face when I had said back to her"but you're old, wait, do you never find out?!" And really, I've never been the same since then, I realized nothing really changes, and we are all just scrambling around on this rock.
wackawacka2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're amazing and we're your friends, so you were at least partially correct!
Blanketsarewarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha
kyle8998 ยท 1311 points ยท Posted at 16:20:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought quicksand would be a major problem in life
mkicon ยท 155 points ยท Posted at 17:04:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also thought that I would have stopped, dropped and rolled by now
TopHatPaladin ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 20:12:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't have to be on fire. You can stop, drop, and roll recreationally
FeatheredStylo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:30:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always get the first two, but then inadvertently turn around and open up shop.
EveryoneIsFondOfOwls ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:03:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that can be arranged if you'd like.
Drowned_In_Spaghetti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can do that anytime you like.
ChasterMief711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had completely forgotten about stop drop and roll until I started playing enter the gungeon.
[deleted] ยท 306 points ยท Posted at 17:46:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
rabdacasaurus ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 19:02:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aww, I love it. Similarly, my sister told me that "funk" was a bad word when I was little.
DannyPrefect23 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:03:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's four in the funking morning!
Jerlko ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:06:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And when she turned around you attacked her with a rake for knowing too much.
Hysterymystery ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:29:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How did you know???
needsmoresteel ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:11:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sideshow Bob begs to differ.
whatisabaggins55 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:24:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Ah, rakes, my greatest enemy."
"I thought I was your greatest enemy."
"I have a life outside of you, Bart."
darkmario9600 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:43:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey! That rake didn't consent to that!
friday6700 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:26:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a licensed Therakist.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:41:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God damn it, Megan.
caedin8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poor Megan, the truth is far worse.
therealmaxipadd ยท 335 points ยท Posted at 16:44:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
John Mulaney, also
BobHopeKingOfWhites ยท 310 points ยท Posted at 20:20:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah John Mulaney turned out to be a lot less of a problem in my life than I thought as a kid too
skepelz11 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:36:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Ah, the ol... Sigh, I'm too lazy to link anything.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gramar Nazi triggered.
skepelz11 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:45:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose I'll fix it. Life just keeps getting worse and worse.
SpyderEyez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/switcharoo
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:40:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CallOfCorgithulhu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I regularly listen to the stand up comedy channel on satellite radio during my hour long commute. He's definitely one of my favorites when I hear him.
twodadshuggin ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 16:32:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you're coming to visit take I-90 because I-95 has a bit of quicksand.
Axurial ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 18:50:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Looks just like regular sand, but you're gonna start to sink in it
batnastard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:08:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaaand you live in Newton, MA?
Maz2742 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, they have an interchange in Weston, MA, so I'm gonna go with that.
DeprestedDevelopment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It'll look like regular sand, but then you'll start to sink into it.
Toby_O_Notoby ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:12:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, problem with being an older Redditor where quicksand was a major plot point in most weekend serials like Tarzan. It was so prevalent that when NASA was doing a press conference on the Apollo Moon landing a reporter asked, in all seriousness, "But what if the Moon's surface is quicksand?"
The weirder thing is that apparently NASA had considered this possibility.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:37:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that plagiarism would be a bigger problem
LARGABLARG ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:27:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that plagiarism would be a bigger problem
-/u/LARGABLARG
pm_me_judge_reinhold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could get away plagiarizing Mulaney 6 months ago. Not today.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it still plagiarism at this point? I see this line all the time on reddit.
thepilotboy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:19:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was the same way with volcanoes. I had meticulously planned out a volcano escape plan when I was like 8 or 9 to save my family from burning to death. I never really knew that volcanoes could make it rain lava and ash. I thought it just kind of oozed out of the volcano in either a watery flow or a slow flow.
I insisted over and over that we kept large containers of water to combat the lava in the case of a slow flow, and even "designed" a lava-proof boat to float my family to safety.
Turns out volcanoes and lava aren't that big of a deal in the Midwest.
Now I'm afraid of nukes.
effinx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right??!! The movies man...the movies. They messed with me. Ever seen Beastmaster? (the movie)
libgeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beastmaster. Yeeeessssssssss.
midnightwalrus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Quickssand quick-sssand..hmm...interesting..
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:53:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hedley???
midnightwalrus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How does he do such amazing stunts...with such tiny feet?
ITworksGuys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And that more people would be making souffle.
Hootbag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:56:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The quicksand just lulls you into a false sense of security.
It's the lava floor that gets you.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you quoting or stealing?
Three_Headed_Monkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:27:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hanna-Barbera has a lot to answer for.
jakefromstatefarm10 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually been caught in it. I was walking over a dried up lake on a golf course and it felt real solid and then one step and I'm waste deep. Pretty spooky. If I didn't have my 9 iron I would have been stuck until someone found me lol
i_said_no_already ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant RadioLab
briibeezieee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was also terrified to learn that magma was directly beneath our feet
TheNittles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Always imagined it working like lightning sand from Princess Bride, too.
chemicalvelma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did too, and was OBSESSED with educating everyone I came across on how to deal with falling into it.
Estake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, as a little kid I was once throwing rocks in quicksand with some friends, afterwards we were super proud that we saved humanity from this great danger.
dfeld17 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:38:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nice meme
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 20:42:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think the old pictures on the wall at Cracker Barrell were pictures of the people they used for their meat.
I also used to think parade with Mickey Mouse and friends were following me with knives. If I didn't turn around and force them to hide (I never saw them) every once in awhile, they would have killed me.
IDK why the hell I thought these things or how they got into my head. I also used to love visiting grave yards. All these things were before I qas 8 yo
Siniroth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:20:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you the guy who made Five Nights at Freddie's?
lompocmatt ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 16:34:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That being an adult would be awesome. As an adult, I just want to be a kid again
Minder1 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:09:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am 19, being an adult is way better
Living on my own work 9-5 in an office, so I do have the full experience
TheIndustryStandard ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:49:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
enjoy it while you can. it won't be long until the dull monotony of life sets in. weeks turn to months, and months turn to years and before you know it you're 35 stuck in the same dead-end job with no way to switch paths without destroying the comfort and safety you've spent 15 years trying to build
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:24:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been told that time goes by faster as an adult.
newenglandredshirt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:23:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In general, yes. But there can be days...
BaggyHairyNips ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:23:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On the bright side I'm a lot less scared of death now. Doesn't seem that bad.
Efrajm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
26 right there with you. I liked college the most, but adulting is way better than kiddoing.
One_Mikey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kid-doing. FTFY.
Wiseguy72 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:12:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And when you're older and back in diapers, You'll want to be a responsible adult again. The Circle of Life!
dances_with_deers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:33:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always wanted to be a kid again. Every birthday / new upper class. Every year I would wish it was the year before. Now I'm depressed at 21.
mardfet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:55:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The best years of your life are over before you can appreciate them.
Yodaskool ยท 102 points ยท Posted at 17:53:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents told me that the bread crusts were the healthiest parts of the bread, presumably so that I'd eat them. I believed that until I was 14.
TheFixItKitofReddit ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 20:49:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I Googled healthiest part of bread and it says that the crust has 8 times the type of cancer fighting antioxidant than the middle and has some other good junk in it so I mean.. it's not ridiculous.
FormCore ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:05:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The bit in the middle is called the crumb.
Like, all bread that isn't crust, is crumb...
Dropping crumbs is just, little pieces of the crumb
One_Mikey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crust can turn into crumbs.
I feel like you're referencing something I don't know.
FormCore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No references.
See noun 3 at http://www.dictionary.com/browse/crumb
One_Mikey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see now, the word has many meanings.
THSTJ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:25:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But how? It's the same dough in all parts of the loaf!
TheFixItKitofReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:41 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Has something to do with what happens when it bakes. The good shit gets pushed outwards during the process and turns into a part of the crust. If you're really interested Google does wonders :P
CakeAndDonuts ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 20:39:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandmother told me that crusts of bread make your hair curly. This being the late 80s, when frizzy perms were all the rage, I was wholly convinced that's how all the curly hair happened and proceeded to eat the crusts of my PB&J.
staticmcawesome ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:09:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i think it was at my house when a friend my age in first grade told me eating the crusts of my sandwich would give me rosy cheeks. i guess we were eating lunch and i was neglecting my crusts as usual. i don't know why that was supposed to convince me to eat my crusts, but shockingly it did not work. it's weird there's so many random rumors around eating bread crusts! i eat them now, but my cheeks have not gotten any rosier. i am just as pasty as ever.
OneGoodRib ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:51:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told me the same thing. Her dad told her the crusts would give you chest hair. This was very upsetting news.
THSTJ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:26:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told it would give me big boobs.
EmiChanTheUnseen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:07:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom used to tell me the same thing.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
eekstatic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:33:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crust gives you, errm, garishly-coloured hair accessories?
Whambamglambam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:00:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told me the same. Her plan to entice me to eat them backfired. I have wavy hair but always wanted straight hair.
Brom_Van_Bundt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:49:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My GREAT-grandmother apparently told this to my grandmother!
bonerswamp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:19:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told this by my dad and uncle and that was '08
Deadmau007 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:02:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
According to a quick google search I just did this one could actually be true http://www.mnn.com/food/healthy-eating/blogs/are-bread-crusts-more-nutritious
rolyatnai2011 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:28:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're not? Blasphemer!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:26:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They aren't? I legit thought they were!
TheFiresShootingAtUs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:33:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told something similar, instead it was that if I ate the crusts my eyes would sparkle.
my1stnameisagent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I wouldn't say I actually continued "believing" this into adulthood, but as I was serving my kids their sandwiches last week I thought about how some kids like to have the crusts cut off and I remembered that my parents used to say that the crusts were the healthiest part and I stopped DEAD in my tracks and went, "WAIT A SECOND, NO THEY'RE NOT!"
I am a 34 year old woman.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So did my mom. I was also in my teens when it suddenly dawned on me that she was just tricking me into eating the crust.
We_Are_The_Waiting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait they aren't....? I never had a problem with the crust, i wonder why my parents would lie about that haha.
One_Mikey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, a lot of kids have issues with crust, and they eventually grow out of them. Can't say that I've never hated it, but I could understand why some kids have problems with it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What?! For any kid I know, that would make them like it less!
Hunnyhelp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They aren't?
CakeInTheTub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised that's all it took you to eat your crusts. Kids don't give a fuck.
JDFitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're not?
vivestalin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told me it would make my hair curly. I've been eating my crusts my whole life, but a perm couldn't make my hair curly ๐
landon9560 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told it makes you able to whistle...
Vercingetorix_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I was told that if I didn't eat the crust, I would grow into a wimpy adult with bones of glass.
BenitoCamelo69 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
me 2 bro lmao
p0ttedplantz ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:02:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was certain that "E" on the gas gauge meant "Explode" which was why my mom always panicked when we got close to it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nono, E meant "Enough" and F meant "Finish"
Chainsawmascara ยท 190 points ยท Posted at 15:47:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That'd I grow up to be somebody
[deleted] ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 16:27:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well you are somebody. You are a body.
poopellar ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:18:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. He's just some body that he used to know.
fireork12 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:05:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That feels so rough
Eye_Pod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not just any body, SOME body.
1MuffinMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop it, dad.
Scrappy_Larue ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:51:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"When I was growing up I always knew I wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific." Lily Tomlin
pangapangaa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:19:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Feelsbadman
sciamatic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:04:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a part of my brain that still believes this, somehow. Like, I'm in my mid 30s, I don't have a job, I don't have any friends, I basically just exist to keep existing, and my brain will still sometimes be like "It'll be better when you grow up."
Like, I still conceptually think of myself as mid to late teens, and that my life is still ahead of me, and I just have to wait to get to it.
I don't understand what happened to the last fifteen years. They just slipped into nothingness and me along with them.
GetsPissedAtHumor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:44:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't appreciate your ironic twist to this very serious question
O3k ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:50:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn
PacSan300 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:22:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Dammit", in Blink-182 words.
somebody201 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I am definitely a somebody.
frossenkjerte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nickelback?
wackawacka2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's never too late!
SlinkySix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not with that english you won't
GarethPW ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Need to talk, buddy?
Iamaredditlady ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well you're somebody that forgot how to create a full sentence so... Yay?
Andrew_Suck ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 15:47:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Girls peed through their butt
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 16:28:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking knew that. Then in high school a girl told me they peed through their butt. So me being a male I was like "okay guess I was wrong and the hole they pee out of is in their butt"....nope I looked like a dumbass in college.
grissomza ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:36:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She's the same one that couldn't use tampons because they came out brown not red.
IAmHenrythe8thIAm ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:37:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be totally fair, dried period blood does look brown.
grissomza ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:38:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
shhhh it ruins my joke
dfeld17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
where dis you grow up?
[deleted] ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 16:38:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
kaliforniamike ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 16:43:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'm off to /r/gonewild to let the girls there know they have a gorgeous front butt.
MySweetThreeDog ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:12:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Checked your comment history to see if you followed through, am disappointed
KhazemiDuIkana ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:54:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll do it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewild/comments/4femsw/f_heres_the_close_up_imperfections_after_a/d28j02x
tweeblethescientist ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:57:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The hero we need
MySweetThreeDog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bravo
GrizzBear97 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:54:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just looked at your comment history. You lied
TaehlsGolightly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Disappointed to see you didn't do this... At least not via comment.
Drowned_In_Spaghetti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You liar.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:02:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/frontbutt
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:06:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer the term "Gunt"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:45:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck did I just visit?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:58:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dat front butt tho
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:47:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They don't?
arte_nm ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:20:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No shit!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:24:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Sm0key-the-bear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty crappy one
NanoFire_Mead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now lets not be shitty.
dreamfall99 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:56:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna know how many guys still think girls pee through their vagina. (Spoiler - they don't!)
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:57:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...so where do they pee from?
dreamfall99 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:59:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Their pee hole LOL. The urethra is above the vagina.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:05:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right....I knew that. Not really thanks
SinkTube ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:19:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vagina is the colloquial term for pretty much everything between a female's legs. I'm almost certain most people who say girls pee through the vagina are not using the medical term.
The cltoris, the urethra, the labia, they're all lumped in with "vagina".
dreamfall99 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:15:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I realize that but I do think some men actually think women pee from the same place a dick goes in
bunker_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just thought vaginas were what dicks looked like til they grew into dicks at like age 6 or so. I knew the word vagina existed, but thought it was some second secret thing in between itself and butt.
Vercingetorix_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similarly, I thought they had two buttholes right next to each other.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed this up until like last year lol. I am a junior in HS.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same.
Didn't know about the puss-puss until 11 or so.
Peanutking ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 20:42:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once when I was like 5 years old I found dead butterfly and when I touched its wings they had this grainy dust on them. Obviously this meant it was magic dust and it was not their wingspan vs their small frames that made them able to fly. No, it was this dust.
I then decided that the only thing to do was to kill several dozen of these butterflies and harvest their magic flying dust and then coat my arms in it so that I'd be able to fly. Thankfully I failed and gave up on my dreams within 20 minutes, but I still remember it.
CMDR_Elek ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:27:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MMO simulator
safashkan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:44:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed the same thing thanks to Peter Pan.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:17:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So do the family of the butterfly you murdered will remember.
RainbowtasticNinja ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:43:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't understand how children came out of women's stomachs, so I thought they came out the same way things came in. All women go through the magical experience of throwing up a baby.
Lostsonofpluto ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:06:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Both my sister and I were C-sectioned. As a result, the only stories I had surrounding birth involved C-sections. I ended up believing that all babies were born that way until 2003. And then I got it into my head that they came out a woman's butt. Finally learned the truth around 2010
oldwomanjodie ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:10:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once watched a programme about Box Jellyfish with my grandad and I was terrified at how small and hard to see they were, as well as being lethal. For about 5 years after that, I always sieved the water as it came out the tap in the bath to make sure a box jellyfish didn't end up in my bath and sting me. Also I was afraid I would be sitting in my bath and then the bath would disappear and I'd end up in the middle of the ocean and get eaten by a shark Overactive imagination + anxiety disorder doesn't mix well No wonder I'm afraid of swimming
Lostsonofpluto ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:08:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not afraid of swimming but to this day have a fear of any large body of water. Pools are fine, but lakes, rivers, and oceans, NO THANK YOU
OneGoodRib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had the less reasonable fear of finding sharks in all water, including the bathtub. I'm sure just living in Florida contributed to that fear.
oldwomanjodie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could kinda see the fear from living in Florida bc ur surrounded by that shit. I live in a small town in Scotland. Still was petrified of sharks and that my bath and house would crumble away and a big shark would come up from underneath me and eat me. Fear is weird, man
TheRealEmberlynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thalassophobia would like a word with you.
oldwomanjodie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FUCK NO
Butt_Zestfullyclean ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:58:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anything you buried into the ground produced said item tree. I "planted" a hotdog and hid because I was sure I was going to get in trouble for planting a hotdog tree too close to the house.
wackawacka2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:43:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was five, I used to bury toys in the garden. I didn't think they'd become trees, I thought they would multiply underground like potatoes. :/
TheForceIsWithBrew ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:52:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really thought Gushers would make your head change into a fruit shape.
pjabrony ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:49:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If only.
TheForceIsWithBrew ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:58:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember arguing with my dad about it in the store and he bought them for me anyway just to prove his point.
OneGoodRib ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:53:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember whenever any had some at lunch in first grade, we'd be all "oh your head definitely just turned into a watermelon!" Then you'd feel your head and get angry when it clearly hadn't changed shape.
constituent ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 16:29:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
The little bumps on a fast food drink lid between "Cola", "Diet", "Root Beer" and "Other" were for decoration.
It was on the return bus ride of a 4th grade museum school field trip where another student pointed out that 'decoration' was braille.
EDIT: Not the large buttons, but the tiny dots between each button. This was the 1980s; apparently the cups have changed.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:52:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
constituent ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:31:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was back in the '80s. I'm not referring to the giant bubbles that were the size of a pen cap. These were fine pin-point bumps between the larger bubbles. Not sure if fast food joints still have those on there, but it was certainly a thing.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:11:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They probably thought that drinking from the cup of a blind person would infect others.
This is actually true. My grandpa (RIP) once shook a blind man's hand. 25 years later my grandpa went blind before he died.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with you, I do not think it is braille....
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:51:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
YourEyesSayYes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:51:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know what you're talking about. I've seen these kind of cups with Braille on them.
constituent ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:00:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some other people on reddit remember this and another example elsewhere, also here.
I would remember taking a pen or edge of a finger nail and trying to push down the tiny bumps. Those tiny bumps in between the large 'button' things were the braille.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
constituent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:19:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I felt like such a dope when it was pointed out to me. "Uhh... That's BRAILLE, /u/constituent!"
It wouldn't be another few years until I met my first blind person (a new neighbor's mom).
Justified that the only exposure to blind/visually-impaired people would be those "A Very Special..." episodes of network TV where a main character had temporary blindness-for-drama or a one-shot episode featuring a visually-impaired family member who would never be seen again.
Ihaveamazingdreams ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, it was braille. I remember it, too. I don't eat fast food anymore, so I wasn't aware that they no longer use it.
Braille was everywhere in the 80's & 90's.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wait, it's what?
constituent ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:53:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I SAID BRAILLE
Seriously, though, I cannot find any of the images online. Some other people remember that this was a thing, trying to learn it, and she has a complaint about those lids.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:11:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you misunderstood me, i know what braille is i just never would've guessed it was on fast food drink cups.
constituent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:39:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:(
I was shouting because I thought you were hearing-impaired.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's actually kinda funny
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Similarly, I once thought that if you pressed the buttons on the fast food drink lid, it would actually change the drink inside.
twodadshuggin ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:27:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember thinking I'd get pimples on my tongue if I lied, and I'd always be so worried my mom would check my mouth and find out I had told a lie.
MacFluffle ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:52:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I told my kids that their tongues get cracks in them when they lie. If there's ever a disagreement, I tell them "show me your tongue!" The one that doesn't want to is the liar. It's not 100% accurate, so I only pull that one out when it's absolutely needed.
lilyrae ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:57:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That rumor passed around my family as well. Still have no idea what those bumps are.
Andromeda321 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:00:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Astronomer here! I genuinely believed and had sleepless nights over believing a meteorite was going to crash through my ceiling and kill me as I slept. I blame this on my dad, who was once talking about the one case in history where this happened to someone (no joke- a woman in Alabama who was napping was hit by a meteorite in the 1950s- though she didn't die), but when I asked him "that won't happen to me tonight, will it?" his never-lie-to-your-kids response was "I don't know, it could!"
THANKS DAD FOR KEEPING THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE! (He also told me we could die if a nearby supernova happened thanks to a gamma ray burst, which I later learned is not true because no star is close enough that could kill us when it went supernova. So while I guess the meteorite thing is technically true and just unrealistic, the supernova one definitely is not.)
Funny thing, of course he doesn't remember this at all, and some months ago chatting with my sister she said "you know, I had the weirdest fear when I was little that a meteorite was going to kill me while I slept..."
skeetergal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:16:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my son is obsessed with space! last summer we had to cut off his access to documentaries for a couple months because he kept having nightmares about supernovae blowing us all up or a black hole spontaneously appearing and eating the world....
MiserableLurker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not impossible but, it's so rare, I can remember the original news when this photo was taken.
lambdapaul ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:37:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the priest at my church was actually God. I was always so nervous to talk to him, because he created the world and I didn't want to upset him.
Bob9999999999999 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:02:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That reminds me of this exchange on 3rd Rock from the Sun. Dick and Mary (who are an alien and an Earthling respectively, in case you haven't seen the show) are at a church:
Dick: Now, which of those guys is God?
Mary: Be quiet!
Dick: Okay, but be sure to introduce me later because I want some answers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that is hilarious, please tell me more with your interactions with him
lambdapaul ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:52:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once told him that I was sorry about his son, but I'm glad we still get to hear about his stories. That was when he explained things to me.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:52:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Moar please. This is just too good.
What did he say exactly, details my friend.
Dungeon_Of_Dank_Meme ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:30:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is why kids in kindergarten saying they are any form of religious scares me. :/
Earththrower ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:03:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 5 years old I watched part of a documentary with my parents about conjoined twins. I got it in my head that it was a disease you could develop. I refused to touch people for a week or so because I was convinced we would stick together and be like the people in the movie.
In a similar situation my brother once knew a kid who was born without fingers. He was also around 5 and would cry and run from the other kid because he was convinced that was contagious and he could lose his own fingers if they played together.
WMD_RightChair ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:03:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be able to hear my heart beating loudly in my ears when I was laying down at night, but of course at the time I didn't know that's what it was. I thought I was hearing the foot steps of the headless horseman coming down the long hallway toward my bedroom. I would get scared and my heart beat would speed up.. which made me think he had begun RUNNING and was getting closer and closer.. terrifying!
kaiser235 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:06:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That "Circa" was a famous place where extremely important people would gather and determine world politics. Would always read "Famous, important persons X and Y Circa 1932", so naturally I assumed Circa was where they were meeting.
SonaBacha ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:08:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told us polyesters were pink animals that looked a bit like alpacas. He said they lived on farms in the rural area of our province, a few hours between our town and my grandmother's house.
Conveniently, this was right where small children were certain to be asleep on long car trips. He would sometimes wake us shouting, "You just missed one!" Sometimes either my brother or I would claim to have actually seen it just to grind each other's gears. I believed it for a long time. I remember staring at the tag of my eighties sweatshirt in the car and reading that polyesters were indeed real.
JuneKat83 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:08:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad used to do this to us with Snoopy's cousin Spike from the Peanuts cartoons. It was always night when we drove through the desert, in New Mexico, between California and Texas to visit family. He would convince me every time that I had just missed him.
Once I realized this was not true, I then refused to believe roadrunners were real animals until I saw one with my own eyes as an adult.
Ohio_Is_Not_That_Bad ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 16:10:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my parents actually loved each other.
Riobhain ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 17:15:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohio really is that bad, huh?
Ohio_Is_Not_That_Bad ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:06:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol nah, Ohio is awesome. They would hate each other no matter where they were.
catsNcunts ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:26:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even Disney world?
Ohio_Is_Not_That_Bad ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:33:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We've been there. And from what I remember, yeah even Disney world.
Lord_Voltan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:18:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Most of Ohio isn't that bad. But seriously Marysville and everything along 36/37 to Alum Creek state Park can eat a dick. Also I dislike most everything on 42 as well.
Dungeon_Of_Dank_Meme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not bad up by Cleveland, but where I am it is pretty shitty.
GrizzBear97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:52:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We don't have parents in Ohio. Just farmers and corn fields.
Lord_Voltan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We have Casinos now, and farmers that care entirely too much about local sports franchise.
GO CREW
22eyedgargoyle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:04:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
EdgarFrogandSam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope.
SpikedLemon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like it got worse after the divorce.
All those childhood memories shattered.
grissomza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha-oh.
Funkalification ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same bro
SkrublordPrime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh
i'm sorry
aetherialvortex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made me sniff... and now I'm sad..
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:13:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheTurtleyTurtle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:38:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This makes me a sad turtle.
Burnsomebridges ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 17:59:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of my best friends believed batteries ran everything. It was so serious to him, he once had a headache and called the police wanting new batteries. Of course he was like, 3 or 4 or something, but still.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:40:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That must be quite the call archive.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:21:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
911 operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Kid: I've a headache, please sent battery. I'll die, please sent them.
911 operator:... Um sir how do I reply to this request? Play along? Sure.
911 operator: Well, get your mother on the phone and we'll tell her where to get the batteries you need.
AudiMX ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 15:57:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I concentrated well enough, I could make rain stop, I would even move my hands like to clear out the clouds... so dumb..
twodadshuggin ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:30:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think I could talk to ducks. I was that child.
NotTasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
quack
PM_ME_PIZZA_PLS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:19:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What. The. Ruck. Jenna had sex with Murray?? Wtf! I thought she was into Gage!
nezrock ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:38:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Joke's on you, I can actually do this. Raining for five days in the summer? Snap my fingers, rain just stops. Whiteout in the winter? Snap my fingers and it's done and gone. **
recipe_pirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That made me think of this guy. https://youtu.be/KNYo69XiDfA
melon_truth_tables ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:39:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that storms made me poop.
eXodus91 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:39:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was deathly afraid of heights when I was a kid. So every time I tried to get on an elevator, I'd freak out because of the little crack that exposes the corridor below.
I was convinced that'd I fall through that, less than an inch, gap.
Lostsonofpluto ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have an oddly specific fear of heights. Open ledge, zip line, going too high on a swing = fucking terrified. Plane, elevator, open air stairwell, balconey 600 feet off the ground bit with a railing = cool as a cucumber
PeridotTheNerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:14:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is this really tall spinning swing ride at the local six flags. I've never been on it because I am scared of being that high up. I ride the rollercoasters just fine, but that ride and the free fall tower I refuse to go on. I'm fine with airplanes too.
Chickengun98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar thing. The way I've explained it before is not as a fear of heights, but instead as a fear of falling. In an elevator or plane, you're in an enclosed space, so there's nowhere to fall out of. The stairwell and balcony have railings to the same effect. The others, not so much.
Lostsonofpluto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me, it is a legitimate fear of heights. Even on a sheer cliff, I'm not afraid I'll fall. The whole experience of being high up freaks me out. But every time I talk to people about it, no matter how I describe it, I'm always told," you know there's no such thing as a fear of heights, just a fear of falling." Well asshole, I know you'received arachnaphobic so how'd you like it if I told you that your arachnaphobic is just a fear of getting bitten.
Deathless-Bearer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 24, and I'm still terrified of that gap.
Helix_Octropolis ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:27:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A street light flickering or turning off while I was passing by was proof of my latent powers. I was convinced for years that my supernatural abilities would be manifesting soon. (They have not. Yet.)
PM_ME_MY_DICK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:28:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thinking we have something to do with streetlights going off or on while passing them is a common example of 'magical thinking'. Even though most people know it's not true, it's a very common thought pattern.
thetreeman23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:08:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Source? I would like to know more.
PM_ME_MY_DICK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:58:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, jeez. I guess that would date back to my high school psych? Maybe college anthro or socio? I def don't remember any sources, I'm afraid, that was 15 years ago.
Search 'magical thinking' and you'll get the general idea.
Helix_Octropolis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:03:44 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it's Street Light Interference Phenomenon. Kind of neat to know I'm not alone....in that there are apparently lots of us with latent powers waiting to manifest.
alicia_tried ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think it meant there was a cop up ahead. Would be amazing if it were true.
racefan78 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:53:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That in the 1800s everyone had a long white beard and dressed like a prospector. Even the women and children.
TitanofBravos ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:21:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That, when going to sleep at night, if my legs and arms were under the blankets then the aliens who were obviously watching me would think I was just a head and so they wouldn't bother abducting me bc who wants to abduct a head
deeproots ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:03:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was pretty sure black people became that way because they ate too many Oreos. (I am now fully aware that that is false, and it was in no way hateful as a child)
snugy_wumpkins ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:06:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my parents were serial killers. They taught first aid classes, and had projector slides that were of cut up body parts and dying/dead people. I saw trash bags full of these as a kid and thought it was what my parents had done to people.
OneGoodRib ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:23:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why did your parents need slides of cut up body parts to teach first aid? Do you mean like regular injuries, or did they have collections of slides of severed limbs?
snugy_wumpkins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:26:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To demonstrate different kinds of injuries humans can get. Some were normal injuries - smashed thumbs, lacerations, bruising - some slides were particular injuries like bones sticking out through the skin and how you're supposed to deal with it as the first responder.
blipsman ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:40:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandfather has taped up a postcard of a chimp by their kitchen phone for some reason, and at some point I must've asked about it, and was told it was me when I was a monkey... I believed that until I was like 6 or 7, even though I had seen baby pictures of myself. Don't ever remember asking or getting explanation as to exactly when I'd been a chimp.
1m0a1L ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:04:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm probably very late to the show, but I used to think if you turned off the TV it would pause the program you were watching. I used to get very upset when coming home from school only to find that batman wasn't where I left it.
BeThatAsItJune ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How many times did you do this before you realized it didn't?
hasafewbuckstospare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Blockbuster had given us a defective Tom & Jerry DVD when it didn't remember where I left off like my Disney VHSes did
illegalbeagle69 ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 15:55:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That school ended after 8th grade. Boy was I wrong.
Datsyuk_My_Deke ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 18:55:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I recall being in first or second grade when my mom explained that nobody has to go to college. I informed her, "I'll probably just show up for the first day, to be polite. Then I won't come back."
d3phext ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:39:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
glad i could live your dream for you
JustVan ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:48:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember trying to figure out what "grade" my friend's much older sister was in when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. Her sister was in college, which was apparently this grade beyond 12th grade, which was the highest I knew. It was like 16th grade.
SinkTube ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, I'm in 16th grade now.
Yuli-Ban ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:45:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then you have grades after that. Wannabe doctors still in school in 21st grade and whatnot.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:10:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man, you must have had a rude awakening the summer after 8th grade.
Tupnado21 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:40:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No just life. all downhill from there
mofo9000 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:35:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed all pencils were from Pennsylvania.
Obviously.
PM_ME_MY_DICK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:38:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that, too.
You know, it occurs to me that, although I know why Pennsylvania is called that, I don't know the etymology of the word 'pencil'. Off to Google I go!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:06:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought for a long time that abbreviations like "Mr." and "Dr." were pronounced like they were written:
Mr. = "Murr"
Dr. = "Durr"
Mrs. = "Murse"
Jr. = "Jurr"
C-U-Later ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 15:48:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dragons existed, I had this belief up until the end of when I was about 4 - 5.
eskaolin ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 15:59:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shh. Don't let the grown ups fool you.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:42:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, Ken Ham says dragons are real!
Glory2Hypnotoad ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:15:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 5 I thought flamingos were some kind of made up fantasy creature.
leafyjack ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:25:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dragons exist, they're just inflatable.
The_Cute_Dragon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:51:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey.
IrenaeusGSaintonge ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:28:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't feel bad. A friend of my brother-in-law still believes this, and he teaches high school science.
wackawacka2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
From the stories I've read on Reddit, there is no limit to what some teachers don't know.
ZaevaSarain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They...they don't? :'(
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:28:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dragons exist, just go on Tumblr
bizitmap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:11:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
make sure safesearch is off though when you look for dragons on tumblr (they keep that option on just in case you wanna be safe from the truth)
PaulMcGannsShoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're all married to cars now.
Vercingetorix_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But the last one was killed in Dragonheart!
DannyPrefect23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tyrion Lannister, is that you?
TriIIuminati ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 16:24:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when people died they were still aware of their surroundings and what was going on.
Mixxy92 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:26:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So naturally we put them in a box and bury them, because we're just awful.
SomeRandomUserGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:34:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
PoisonousPlatypus ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 18:39:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a child I was afraid of being in a horror movie so I'd sing copyrighted songs and mention competitive brands. That way I knew I wasn't in a movie.
shlogan ยท 186 points ยท Posted at 23:10:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...old enough to understand copyright infringement, but not realize reality isn't a movie?
PM_ME_STEAMGAMES_PLS ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:36:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Corporate America in a nutshell.
PoisonousPlatypus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:13:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Copyright infringement is simple, human imagination is not.
SkrublordPrime ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:59:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude
PoisonousPlatypus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:01:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To a kid who doesn't care about getting it right? Yes.
And also relative to the human brain it's retardedly simple.
SkrublordPrime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Got a point, there.
carifreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My question exactly
PoliticalAmoeba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:01:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cool. Cool cool cool.
IrenaeusGSaintonge ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:16:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Wow, sure is dark in the basement when the power's been knocked out. GOOD THING I HAVE MY SUREFIRE FLASHLIGHT TO HELP ME FIND MY WAY!" cue Ghostbusters theme
iluomo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:39:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I kind of don't believe you but either way this is still great
PoisonousPlatypus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why not? I was ~7-10 and I knew that brands weren't in movies but I didn't really understand how it worked.
iluomo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I mean, I'm not saying it's so far fetched, just that to me it comes off as way funnier than truthful
PoisonousPlatypus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize how funny it was until much later on, at the time I just thought it was logical.
iluomo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's like, so specific, like the rule totally makes 100% sense from an adult legal perspective and then you applied it to childhood fears as a solution...
I could see it used in a movie like Spaceballs with all the meta stuff
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Prepping for content ID at an early age.
NotTasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YouTube might be interested in giving you a job.
ireallylikeblankets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still do things that I know they wouldn't do in movies when I'm alone or scared. I listen to weird comedy podcasts mostly.
pyneapplepyro ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 17:02:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that Jesus died, rezzed 3 days later, went to heaven 3 days after that, and then came down to earth to become Santa Claus 3 days after that.
pjabrony ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 18:45:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God has shitty ping.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:54:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God's Ping: 1000000
empirebuilder1 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:06:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
TheJonesSays ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:40:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.
SouthWindThrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have this in my clip tray so I might as well post it again
http://i.imgur.com/UsfyDu6.jpg
Deroni76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Such bullshit. Everyone knows the amount of time you can be revived in is 10 seconds.
kjlovesthebay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rezzed
amazing. gonna use this
TheRealEmberlynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly you've never played WoW.
Litmusdragon ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:21:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that pedestrians were small, flightless birds, and those pedestrian crossing signs is where they would cross the road.
Sidorakh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not.. completely.. wrong... We did evolve from a common ancestor. The lizards. something something conspiracy
allwordsaremadeup ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 16:12:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That adults knew what they were doing..
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:11:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was 8ish when I discovered that wasnt true.
Ryio5 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:58:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let's dispel this notion that adults don't know what they're doing, they know exactly what they're doing.
Sjstaudt ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:47:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was five or six, my cousins convinced me that inside each and every radio there was a tiny man or woman making all of it happen. I'm not sure if I thought they just had incredible range or what, but I went around for a year declaring that I would be a "little radio man" to anyone who asked.
eskriba ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:00:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my dad was an alcoholic.
My parents immigrated from Spain to the german-speaking part of Switzerland in the 60ies. As any good spaniard would do, my dad was used to drinking a glass of wine for lunch.
When I stayed at my swiss friends for lunch I never saw any other dad do this, therefore I assumed that my dad was an alcoholic, because life is pretty black or white when you're an eight year old.
I never discussed this with him back then and so it took me a few years to realize he actually had no alcohol related problem.
I had a good laugh with him when I told him this story in my 30ies. :)
McBeefsteakz ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:31:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My father had my brothers and I convinced that breaking apart Styrofoam would release gas that destroyed the ozone layer and if we did it too much the sun would kill us.
Turns out he just didn't want to clean up fucking Styrofoam all over the God damn yard hahaha.
gmchris ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:56:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought clowns were born that way. They were like people, just different. Like breeds of dogs.
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 16:35:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Mattlink123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:35:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same here. My mom told me on christmas eve that the radio tower near our house was Rudolph's nose.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:45:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I acted like a slime monster. I dug a hole in my garden, filled it with water and mixed it with earth and took a mud bath. My whole body was covered in mud. After it went dry, I was sad that some spots showed my skin again, so I took one again and tried to apply a third skin on top of my second mud layer.
I tried to grow on it, until it all fell of again.
I also often used my blanket got inside it and robbed along the floor like muk from pokemon. From under the kitchen table to all over the house. Later I also had a thick black jacket and acted like I was a mud golem. (To be more detailed, I got that mudgolem from the might and magic universe, I loved the strategy game and the associated RPGames, I also really liked how you could come to see face to face with the same types of units you commanded in the strategy game)
Although I have to add, that I did not think that I was literally a mud monster.
Lostsonofpluto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am a hard core Pokรฉmon fan and always pronounce it properly in my head when I read it in text. But for whatever reason, the "small child" context made me read it as poke-ee-mon
gannex ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:34:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend that believed that every day would alternate between being a good day and a bad day. It would be a good day, then the next day would be a bad day, then the next day would be a good day, etc. He lived his childhood life based on this.
Shackleface ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:20:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was six or seven, my Nanny (grandmother) bought my cousins and me a massive jar of jelly beans. She then failed to supervise us, so the three of us ate the whole jar in one sitting. I was a weird kid, so I separated my portion into groups of the same color. About half way through eating the last group, which were all red (my favorite color), I threw up.
For years I believed that I was allergic to red jelly beans, because I had been able to eat a lot of jelly beans, until I got to the red ones.
Eventually I realized that I had just eaten way too many jelly beans.
Shovel_Ship ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think I was allergic to Hamburger Helper after I ate some as a kid.
lookingforthatlegend ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:26:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think poops turned to bubbles in the bathtub. Then I left a log in the bath one time. My mom's right hand further confirmed my hypothesis to be untrue.
ukralibre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh you mfkr!!!!! Once i asked to take bath to play shipa with another kid, he put log into bath. Never forget!
ClutchCinnabon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Explain?
DefinitelyNotHuni ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:57:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I might or might not have believed that if a black person touched me (a white guy), I would turn black and my family would no longer accept me.
BenKavanagh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:16:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
BenKavanagh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
BenKavanagh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
MakesPensDance ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:00:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that of you took a shower during a thunderstorm lightning bolts would pour out of the showerhead and pool up in the tub
roboeddie ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:08:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was six I asked my dad where did babies come from. He said from a woman's stomach. I asked how the baby comes out and he told me the doctors have a special tool that unties the moms belly button and the doctors pull the baby out. I believed him and carried on with life. Flash forward to day one of sex ed class as a high school freshman and the horror of seeing a vagina expanding and a small hairy baby head push out, add in all the fluids and stuff that comes out during labor. I sat in the class in shock. My world changed that day.
TheCatterson ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:33:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, a local school of mine was celebrating its 100th birthday and my sister was saying the Queen and David Tennant were coming for this party celebration...Why did I believe that
Deathless-Bearer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:05:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This story would be much better if it somehow turned out you didn't live in the UK.
Like for no reason the queen of England is visiting some school in Missouri because it was turning 100.
Theeshades ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Queen. Eh, probably still wouldn't go. David Tennant. CALL HIM NOW, I WILL BE THERE IN 5 MINUTES WITH ALL OF MY SONIC SCREWDRIVERS AND A TARDIS MODEL!
ColonelBailey ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:44:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jelly donuts are only for adults
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:44:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all the music on the radio was actually played by bands at the radio station.
eyseeee ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:10:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought i was older than my mum cause i was born in june and she in august =D i also thought if i stood on a rope and pulled hard enough, logically, i would start levitating.
literaterabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! I was born in October and my mom was born in July, and I was glad my birthday was after hers, because I didn't want to be "older" than her.
JesusClausIsReal ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:11:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think there was a little guy in the drive thru menus taking everyone's order.
giraffevomitfacts ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:40:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was maybe 5 or 6 I though that you could only sigh with refreshment (Ahhhhhh!) after drinking 7-up. I often chastised people for saying "Ahhhhhhhh!" after drinking other beverages.
betaruga ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:35:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I shouldn't steal, lie or touch myself because George Washington was watching from beyond the grave. Now I do it because he's watching อกยฐ อส อกยฐ
nemesis_of_thyme ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:10:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 6 or 7 I was convinced that EVERYONE was a monster and if they concentrated they could pretend to be human to fool me, but as soon as I left the room they'd relax and revert to their monster bodies and discuss what ever experiment they were putting me through... I'm still not 100% sure this isn't true.
I probably need therapy but I'd bet that's just what you want me to do...
CrackedGoggles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a similar phenomenon called the Capgras delusion.
nemesis_of_thyme ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try... YOU SECRET MONSTER. I'm onto your game, you can't trick me into thinking I'm the one who's delusional!
[deleted] ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 16:07:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
The Easter Bunny:
My uncle told me that every Easter at midnight, Jesus, a 2000 year old Jewish zombie would take the form of a magical golden rabbit with a huge erect penis. The "Easter Bunny" would break into the chicken coop and frenzy-fuck all the chickens, most of the brutally fucked chickens died and turned to chocolate, the survivors laid magical eggs. He would spent the rest of the night burying the bodies and hiding these magical eggs so there wouldn't be any or evidence to his horrific poultry rape festival.
diegojones4 ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 16:24:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does you uncle do drugs?
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 16:34:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no, but once he ate one of the eggs he found hidden in the yard, blacked out and woke up naked at Home Depot with a feather duster sticking out of his ass and a belly full of bird seed
pipsdontsqueak ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:45:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For Bison, it was Tuesday.
Beard_of_Valor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:08:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Bird seed" warranted a mental double take after OP...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
after he blacked out he went in a Easter-trance and thought he was a chicken. He got hungry. It makes perfect sense. I once took a small bite and I woke up on the roof in a fairly well constructed human-sized bird nest 3 hours later.
Ahomewood ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:20:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, just kept eating this paper with pretty pictures on it.
s3Nq ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 16:25:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck...
klousGT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:29:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what you mean, seem pretty accurate to me.
scoutmorgan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:56:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's even worse that grittyfarts was in 1st grade.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 17:38:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a pretty foul thing to tell a kid...
OkArmordillo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:37:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also fowl. Because chickens.
Lidesia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:44:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't be a chicken
beadlejuice44 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:33:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wut
OkArmordillo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:38:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wtf
EveryoneIsFondOfOwls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:09:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is hilarious.
Isagoge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wish your uncle was my uncle.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you say that now but he told me the story after I already gathered a bunch of easter eggs my parents hid in the yard
CokeAddictABC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That went from 0-meta real fucking quick
SanshaXII ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What in hell's name is wrong with your uncle?
SouthWindThrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Excuse me?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dang a Lich! that's sweet. Christianity would get more members if they works this angle. Jebes is right out of GoT season 5
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's the old Uncle Joey, amirite?
zazzlekdazzle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:09:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We went in a school trip to a natural history museum, and I overheard one of my 6 or 7-year-old classmates say he saw a piece of skin on the knee of the T. rex and it was growing. This planted such a seed of terror in me, you have no idea. I took this to mean, as the kid did intend, that the T. rex was coming back to life. I had somehow also gathered that my bedroom was at exact T. rex head-height and it seemed probable that I would be it's first target for a snack. I was terrified in dinosaurs (and that whole museum) for years. And I was 100% certain dinosaurs could come back to life. Thank the lord I was passed this phase when Jurassic Park came out, because I am pretty certain I might have needed professional help on this one.
zman6754 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:52:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that every female would eventually become pregnant and that even at the age of six, a girl had a very very small baby inside their womb.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On a similar note, I believed that girls didn't even have reproductive systems.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On a similar note, I believed that girls didn't even have reproductive systems.
emylis2u ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:57:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if you left the TV on static for long enough, it would blow up.
body_talk ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:23:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was playing under my bed and tore a tag off the mattress. Then I read it: "DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAG UNDER PENALTY OF LAW". I was convinced that the police were looking for me for months afterward.
banannafone1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:31:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought when women turned 16yo, they would naturally and randomly become pregnant (with no intercourse). So as a child if a female told me she was 16+ yo, I would ask about their baby.
certifieddweeb ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:42:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young my dad would always take me to this redneck cafe he loved so much. On one of the walls hung a mounted animal that my dad told me was a doppelgรคnger. This creature, the doppelgรคnger, absolutely terrified me. I found out years later what the definition of a doppelgรคnger was and questions flooded my mind. I immediately flashed back to the painful memory of the evil creature at the cafe. I shared this new information with my dad expressing my concern and confusion only to find that doppelgรคngers were not terrifying creatures out to sabotage children's dining experiences, but that the "doppelgรคnger" was actually a mounted deer butt with teeth and eyes fashioned onto it.
Tl;dr I was afraid of a deer's butt all of my childhood
Patches67 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:33:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I used to think that when people got into airplanes they would shrink before they could fly. That's why they were so small up in the sky. This belief was reinforced by two different things. One, whenever we saw jumbo jet planes on the ground my mom would say those things are way too big to fly. My dad flew model airplanes and they clearly flew with no problem. So I thought people were shrunk down to the size of a model plane. Two, the Walt Disney ride Adventures Through Inner Space clearly showed (to me anyways) that shrinking technology was real.
aschwab9009 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:44:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That girls had testicles just not a penis.
CokeAddictABC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
;-;
Trumpetman96 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:45:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There were some very annoying kids on my bus in elementary school. And almost once a week the driver would yell to the back, 'dont make me kick you guys off this bus'. Instead of thinking that meant they couldn't ride anymore I pictured him stopping the bus, grabbing the kid by the collar, then drop kicking him out the door and diving off.
CokeAddictABC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OHHHHHHHHHHH THE DAN BIGGAR!
rugby song if you don't know it's here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYRoLn2vmT0
jacob_ewing ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:03:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For years I thought I remembered being in the womb at the same time as my sister, and us hanging out being friends in there. She's two years older than me.
NerdRageDawg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:17:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if they died in a movie/tv show they died in real life haha.
reapersandhawks ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:27:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
If I was falling in an elevator or out of a plane, I could jump right before hitting the ground and be unscathed
kylehermann ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:28:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Y'know how the location of an object appears to be different if you close one eye and look at it and then close the other eye and look at it?
I was convinced that I had telepathic powers and was moving these things and nobody knew. Everywhere i went i was fucking up people's shit by moving it a couple inches to the left or right.
Eventually told my mom and she crushed my dreams then and there.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:30:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when ice hockey players get a penalty, they go to prison for it.
whitdizzle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:34:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Teachers would always say things like "your right, my left" when standing in front the class, so I thought when you became an adult your right and left sides switched.
jorge2407 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:34:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everybody was born with clothes on.
Also I thought that just as you were watching people on TV, they were watching you too in real time.
There was also one time, I was about 4, I remember I really wanted to pee, but I wasn't at home (I was at the park) and I was lazy to run to my mom to tell her, and I imagined that if I just let it go, the pee stream would just go through my pants and out of them in a perfect stream (I didn't even think about unzipping my pants), the truth was very dissapointing, I watched in terror as my pants got soaked with pee, and started to cry.
Sorry for the english.
Superdan01 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:59:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't notice anything. I never do when there's an apology.
jorge2407 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:17:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, I guess I apologize "just in case"... when you're not speaking your first language, one just assumes that there might be at least a tiny mistake, and since I usually don't have anyone around to correct me...
Sorry for the english lol
LittleConfucy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:55:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
New cars are marketed as 0km cars, so when I was little I associated km to km/h, and thought that their top speed was 0km/h. I couldn't understand how it worked.
niilly ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:00:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Posted this before, but I believed duplex houses were for people who were rich enough to live in a house with two patios, two front doors, two garages, etc.
Kitten_666 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:33:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older cousin told me that if I looked at the moon for more than 10 seconds I would disappear. So I never looked at the moon for such a long time until one night my mom made me mad so I decided to look at the moon so I could disappear and when nothing happened I was even more pissed off.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:12:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:49:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad is a monster!
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:06:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the world started in 2000. The worst part of this was that I really loved dinosaurs and stuff and knew facts that the dinosaurs went extinct at around 65 million years ago. Not only that, but I knew the US became a country in the 1700s and stuff. But it was even more saddening because I knew I was born in 1998. Yet I thought the world began in 2000.
Hanssssolo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:10:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in preschool around four years old, I had never seen an African American individual.
One day on the playground, I bit a black kid. When the principal sat me down in her office, she asked why I did it.
I thought he was chocolate.
the_master_of_memes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:36:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't believe you in the slightest, but that made me chuckle...
Hanssssolo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:18:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I swear. You can ask my parents.
the_master_of_memes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll make a note to ask your mom tonight
Hanssssolo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:19:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tell her I said hi!
effinx ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:56:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually thought the world was black and white at one point. When I saw black and white tv shows or movies and asked why they werent in color...everyone always said it's because they are from back in the day, they were before color, or whatever. Therefore, I believed that before a certain point sometime long ago, there was just literally no frigging color and everything was black...or white. Thinking back maybe I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed....
makeitbluewhydontyou ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:20:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same here! When I was about four, I asked my mum is the world was black and white when she was young. She still mocks me about it now, 28 years later.
effinx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:34:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! I thought i was alone
GalaSniper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:07:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! I thought that too :D
DJToughNipples ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:56:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother was dead certain for a number of years that the red stuff in packaged meat was "sauce". Also, that the chorus to Bon Jovi's "Who Says You Can't Go Home " was "Zorak, Zorak, Zorak".
recipe_pirate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:49:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was able to convince my sister that ground beef was really dead worms. She believed that for years.
shockdozer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:03:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin and I found these little engravings under the bark of these trees next to my grandfather's cabin. We were convinced they were ancient artifacts, and that we were going to be rich. Turns out it was just some kind of bug leaving a trail through the wood. Ah to be young again.
NotQuiteAWriter ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:14:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought tapioca balls were frog eggs
Gregitor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:40:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that Animorphs, the novels, were real. My best friend and I made a pact to tell each other if yeerks infiltrated our brains. As an adult, I now know that if a yeerk enters your ear canal, hope is lost.
steveofthejungle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would try morphing into different animals. It never worked
Montallas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:17:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the TMNT universe - the Ninja Turtles start out as just regular turtles, but are exposed to toxic green "ooze" which causes them to mutate into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I had several canisters of the Ooze you could buy at Toys 'r Us or wherever.
I was convinced that if I ate some, I too could become a TMNT. After I realized that I could forever mutate myself into a crime fighting mutant turtle, it took me a while to make up my mind that this was something I wanted to do. What would my parents think? What about my friends at school? Would I even need to go to school anymore or would I be in full time training? Would I regret this decision later and wish I could turn back into a human? You know, the real hard hitting questions.
My friend and I mulled this over for WEEKS. Eventually, we decided that yes, we wanted to turn ourselves into mutant turtles and go into the sewers to find Splinter and begin our training. We each ate a whole canister of the ooze and waited for it to take effect. ...still waiting. here is what the ooze canisters looked like
citizenpuppet ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:32:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That there was lava on the floor. What a moron, I was.
Snakeonabrain ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:39:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad is in the airforce, and I used to wave at every plane thinking my dad was in it.
He isn't, and never was a pilot.
MoogleVivi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:13:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when cows died, they turned into reindeer.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:15:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in elementary school, I was genuinely concerned that the older kids on the bus could read my mind. This terrified me because my eleven year old mind was essentially a loop of excruciatingly detailed romance narratives involving a rotating cast of the older boys on the bus. My theory was based on the observation that sometimes, the objects of my ridiculous affection would turn and look at me on the bus.
As a countermeasure, I would spend the 23 minute bus ride with the volume on my walkman turned up to 11. But eventually, the songs just became the soundtrack to my fantasies. So I started counting. I would just count to an arbitrary number and then start over again. All while forcing the other kids in the immediate radius of bus seats to listen to muffled Blink-182.
In retrospect, this was completely ridiculous. On the bright side, when intrusive thoughts start creeping into my head, I just start counting until they eventually go away.
frustrated_pen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:19:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that the moon was actually the earth and we had somehow long ago moved to the moon because the earth was no longer habitable.
versacesalad ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:22:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young I used to think you turned black if you didn't use lotion.
NotAnotherEllie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:46:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents kept saying my whole life when they didn't want to answer one of my (many) questions "we'll tell you when you're 21". I turn 21 this Wednesday so I'll check back in once I've had the phone call.
Imsleeepy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:46:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have two that come to mind:
1) That those oil drilling machines that move up and down (like those birds with the water in them) were animals that escaped at night. My older sister used to torment me with that thought, she would point them out and get "scared" every time we would pass by one and even showed me a scar on her leg from when she was "attacked". She wasn't very nice when we were young.
2) I thought Michael Jackson was my brother. My dad had a son from a previous marriage, that I had never met, called Michael. I didn't know what he looked like or how old he was or anything but I remember seeing and hearing about Michael Jackson on T. V. all the time. I just figured he was never around because he was busy being a superstar.
freckledirewolf ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:05:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a little late to the party, but when I was growing up my aunt and uncle divorced and I was CERTAIN she ran away with a dwarf she met on the internet. I thought this until I was about 17. My mum loves this story and has no idea where I got it from
redditthings ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:08:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought color was something that was invented. Since I only saw pictures of "old stuff" in black and white, I thought the world used to be black and white.
I once asked my dad when color was invented....
whaattodo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:20:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that the TV only works when it rains until I was 6 because my parents are evil, lying torturers, obviously. /s
whoacalmdownthere ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:27:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents told me babies come from eating watermelon seeds.
I tried my hardest to become the first 6 year old pregnant boy.
skiingjew ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:37:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was about six, I thought that every adult was actually a skeleton (like, empty, cartoon skeleton) in a skin suit with a zipper on the back of their neck that zipped all the way down to their ankle. I have no idea where i came up with the idea, but I distinctly remember one time in kindergarten where my teacher was naming off the different bones in the human body, I burst into tears and called her a liar and then said I didn't have any bones. My mom got called in to discuss my "strange behavior" and she cracked the fuck up and took me home for the day, but told me to keep that stuff to myself from then on.
StrangeWhiteGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:50:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mormonism
MactavishRoseneath ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:56:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My father worked for Farmer's Insurance Group - almost my entire childhood I thought he was out selling pieces of paper to farmers on their land.
xv9d ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:49:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that mayonnaise was actually called mermaids and it was made from mermaids.
I also believed that bees made honey by killing snakes
I was an odd child.
MayorJoeQuimby ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:50:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably too late for anyone to read, but I always thought the contrails behind planes were actually messages to direct the mail man where letters should be delivered.
I have no idea where I came up with this.
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:10:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That'd be incredibly cool and inefficient.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:30:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was under the impression that getting sexually molested by my father and his brother was how every kid grew up doing.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:21:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DrInsano ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:50:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Honey, he's yelling in the bathroom again... I think we need to take him to the doctor, nobody should be yelling that much while using the toilet!"
Papa_Long_Dong ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:14:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"The doctor says unless it lasts longer than 9 episodes we have nothing to worry about."
"Episodes?"
TheTurtleyTurtle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:40:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Honey how many episodes has it been since his last incident again?"
"OVER 9000, HAROLD!"
Gawdfom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:47:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That doctors had the power to heal any disease/injury and death only ever happened when you got old.
Shlano613 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:53:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that in the middle of the night, snot from your nose would be deposited into the corners of your eyes via a retracting hose....
X0016 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:05:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever a blackout happens, I always thought the faucet is affected too and we can't get any water until electricity comes back on.
Seekeroftheloststorm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:48:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had a well when I was a child. That was our reality.
crazymonkeyfish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:57:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had incredibly vivid dreams that I could fly. Sort of. I would have to jump and lay out flat and if it worked then I would hover about 2 feet off the ground. It never worked in real life, but sometimes worked in dreams. I couldn't figure out what was real life. Like why can't I fly, I was flying yesterday.
billnyetheanxietyguy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:05:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the sun and the moon were the same and it just changed color at night.
TheFernburger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:07:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone had told me that Michael Jackson had a body guard. I assumed this to mean he walked around in the red jacket from Thriller. I would picture MJ dancing down the street while bullets ricochet off the jacket
harry_hippie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:25:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young, I understood that kids were conceived through sex, but I thought that when you had sex the penis would detach and become the baby. Safe to say I couldn't wrap my head around how families had more than one kid.
viking71 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:27:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that when someone died in a movie they just used someone on death row to play the role
loridee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:32:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That radio stations had rooms and bands had to travel to the radio stations and go into a room and play their song and then travel to the next radio station. That we were hearing a song playing live when listening to the radio.
literaterabbit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when a band was "on tour," this is what they were doing.
loridee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly!
StrawhatPirate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:54:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something akin to this: http://imgur.com/gallery/Ty94zdK
Findian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:32:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a person inside the vending machine dropping sodas, candy etc
krankkinder12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A job's a job in this economy.
mivipa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:36:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought if you were getting a divorce, you had to perform the entire wedding ceremony again, backwards.
entor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:37:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That women inserted tampons into their butts and it made their butts softer.
This_Girl_Monday ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:44:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 3-4 I used to think that when you ate food it filled you up starting in your feet then slowly working it's way up. I imagined every part of our body was hollow. That's why, when people would put their hands up to their chins and say "I can't eat another bite because I'm this full", I thought the food had literally filled up their body to that point and any further intake would result in it spilling out of them. I obviously did not have a good sense of volume as a kid, or of the human body.
Macandcheese98 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once the week was over and they didn't have any name for the day the world would just end.
blues_breaker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Around the age of 5 I was convinced I was psychic because I experienced deja vu.
adneblack ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought anal sex leads to reproduction and when i learned that the penis should actually penetrate the vagina i was shocked and wondered how it fits.
soadsoap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:46:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
when i was six years old, my older brother used to torment me by convincing me that sharks could swim from the ocean into the deep end of any pool through the drains. he blocked the ladder in the deep end of our friend's pool and screamed at me that there was a shark right behind me until i cried so hard i started to drown. from that day forward, i truly believed that sharks could access any swimming pool in the world via tunnels that lead to the ocean. this went on until i was about ten or eleven. i love my brother.
immoralsjw ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:47:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that humans had an off button...
I thought it was your belly button, so one day my dad came in my room and saw me pushing my belly button wondering why it wasn't working. Kinda funny now that I think about it.
Tenzegre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:07:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you're saying that you attempted suicide as a child?
skyturnedred ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:54:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the highest number of the speedometer determined how fast your car could go.
TheNittles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:54:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My family never watched Survivor, but I did see ads for it. The name, coupled with getting voted off the island, led me to believe that the losers were just kind of abandoned in the wilderness to survive.
Edit: That might be kind of a cool reality show. Send the losers out in the wilderness with just a cameraman, and if they can make it back to the set, they get to stay on the show. (Obviously the cameraman can radio for a pickup if they don't make it.)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:58:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there were really giants living in the clouds in castles so every time I was in a plane id look for them
nucular_mastermind ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:00:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In German, a Wrong-way driver is called a Geisterfahrer - literally a "ghost driver".
So everytime there was a radio warning while driving with my parents (and those happen quite frequently), something like Achtung all drivers - ghost driver on the A1 driving towards Salzburg - I literally imagined a (for some reason) deer-skulled ghost riding a spooky car on the highway. Of course they are going to warn the drivers about that!
-----------Drive carefully and DON'T OVERTAKE-----------
League_of_leisure ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not racist by any means, but at one point I thought black people bled black blood. My little mind somehow thought that was logical
LonnieMC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that the sounds of the tv came directly out of the screen, and that the holes behind it were just so it didn't get hot.
Limmy92 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I'd have a career.
ukralibre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Airplane carrier? Mr President?
MissDomi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:03:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
As a VERY young child, 4 or 5, I told my mother I never wanted to become a mom. She asked me why and I told her that it was because I didn't want them "to take off my leg". I believed at that age, the only way for a baby to come out of the female from the belly, was to take a leg off, get the baby out, and reattach the leg.
molested_seahorse ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:07:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought boobs looked like giant erections. I have no idea why...
MrMcSwifty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:12:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young my mother explained to me that the reason she had to go to work every day was to make money. For too long I took this to mean that work was literally making money, like just printing out dollars and coins, and my stupid child brain didn't understand why she couldn't just do this at home.
OPs_Moms_Fuck_Toy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:13:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that girls only had a butthole, not an "extra" hole. I thought babies came from jerking off on her cooch and then some of the cum would dribble into her peehole and get her pregnant, then the baby would come out her ass. Yes, I actually believed this is how it worked.
I figured it out one day when reading an encyclopedia. My life was forever changed when I saw the diagram cutaway of penis in vagina.
moonhattan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:16:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother loves picking scabs, so when i was a little girl and would fall over while running i would obviously get the huge coin scabs on my knees. She would tell me that if she didn't pick them they would turn into huge moles that would encrust into my skin. I was terrified of having huge moles on my knees and would sit there as she picked at my scabs and would leave me bleeding only to have them form again and her pick them all over again.
Writing this made me sad.
maddyzeemak ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:18:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I only had one hole down there until I was like 11. I'm female.
tc3590 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:21:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the only way to die was by being shot, stabbed, ran over by a car, stuff like that. I had no idea you could die of disease or natural causes. I think I was like 3 or 4.
poe1045 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:21:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex believed with all of her heart that only boy cats had tails
ampersandie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:22:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the only countries in the world were America, Africa, and China. Yes.
arcanascu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school we had to draw a map of the world from memory. I forgot Africa and was really confused about why I had so many points off.
One_more_page ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:23:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I alone never slept. Some nights were just really short compared to others.
I think I used to fall asleep so quickly and wake up with so much energy that I just assumed I didn't actually sleep.
ravenclaw1991 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:23:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad got bit by a groundhog when I was about 5. He had to get a series of rabies shots because of it. I misheard what my parents said and thought they said "ground dog." And I imagined a huge scary dog coming up out of the ground.
OrangeGills ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:23:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My father told me phone towers were sniper towers, and if I misbehaved within site of one I would be shot
aubeebee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:25:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had the belief that once the lights were off at night, ghosts would occupy the corners of the bedroom, and that they would be able to detect and attack a human if that person made a sound, so I was always dead silent after the lights went off.
I slept with my sister on the same bed when we were very young. One night (I was 5) after she fell asleep I watched her roll slowly towards the edge of the bed, which was about 3 ft above the ground. I've never seen anyone roll themselves off the bed and didn't really believe it could happen, so I did nothing out of curiosity. When she hit the floor and started screaming her lungs off, I scream for my mom yelling, "they're going to eat us!"
gellathy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:26:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that without the sun we literally could not move. Like all motion on earth would instantly stop. This was in 5th/6th grade when there was a sunny-d commercial that said the sun delivers x amount of energy to the earth every single day. there was a boy skateboarding, and they showed him stopping in motion. or something. as best as I can remember. Then I wrote about it in a paper in my 6th grade science class. That teacher must have thought I was a dumbass.
this is the commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX5XzZyB5p4
misscharl0tte ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:31:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed with my whole heart that trees sensed the electrical field around power lines and grew away from them so as not to get zapped. I treated this as fact until I said it out loud to my husband about a year ago and realized about halfway through my explanation that young me was a gullible moron. I'm 31.
PungentBallSweat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:31:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1.) You would become deaf if the insect called an ear-wig bit your ear.
2.) If you fell asleep with gum in your mouth, it will end up in your hair.
GoredonTheDestroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...How the fuck did you figure out that last one?
elyisgreat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:40:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I had a form of xray vision, but it only worked when I was looking at something with both eyes in a certain way.
Turns out it was just the area where the fields of view from both eyes overlapped.
TheVentiLebowski ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:41:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dogs were male. Cats were female. I mean, how can you argue with science?
Kokoto-Village ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:49:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I must have been about 7, and my parents had took me food shopping to the local supermarket.
I decided I was bored and wandered over to the electronics department, you know the big stacks of televisions all playing random shows (no volume on). Well a few of these TV's had a kids show on, Blue Peter if I remember correctly. So I stood watching them for a short while and at some point my child self thought it would be funny to stick my tongue out at the presenters.
Literally a second later the female presenter stuck her tongue out, and I froze, panicked and ran back to my parents. Too ashamed to tell them I had stuck my tongue out at the TV people incase they told me off, I was left to believe for a long time after that anyone on the television could see you just as you saw them.
TL;DR I stuck my tongue out at a television and the presenter did it back. Years of thinking the people on the TV were watching me.
DutareMusic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:52:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The floor is LAVA
GeorgeLovesBOSCO ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:53:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't matter how much you eat. You won't gain weight because you poop it all out anyway. However, I thought I was the only person that knew this as a fact. Like it was my very own weight loss secret.
mlos55 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:02:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I though that planes made stops at individual houses, like the school bus did. Always looked forward to ,y dad coming home from business trips, but I always seemed to kiss the plane when it landed in our residential driveway.
HexedMonkey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:08:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a child, shortly after learning about how metamorphic rocks came to be, I thought that holding in your poop caused pressure to build up in your butt, generating heat, which then melted your poop into diarrhea.
Phoebler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:09:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that earthworms had to take a bite of, then simultaneously poop, a piece of dirt in order to move through the ground. I did not find out I was wrong until I was 23 :/
SuperbLuigi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:49:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother told me that if i got an air bubble in my blood stream it could kill me so after that i was afraid of getting close to fans, hair dryers etc. I remember he took a straw and put it against my skin an blew and i knew i wouldn't make it through the night.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:50:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That mustaches grow out of your nostrils.
thusthus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I used to think my grandparents were feeding me so much good food because they were fattening me up to eat me. I... I didn't have the best home life >_>
Also I thought every picture in the world was a spy cam for whoever was in that picture and I didn't even have posters in my room so I could feel alone. I was an anxious kid.
LilaFowlerUnicorn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:03:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 6 years old we went to Disney for the first time. At some point in the Muppet 3D show there's this one Muppet who pops out, points straight at you, and says, "All these people think I'm talking to them, but I'm REALLY only talking to YOU!"
I freaked out like I won the lottery. I was telling everyone I picked the lucky seat and walked out like a total badass.
My parents didn't tell me the truth until a few years later. I was devastated.
AMHRangel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:26:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my dad would say "I'm going to the hospital to make rounds" I thought he went to draw circles.
Chicken_noodle_sui ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After watching Alex Mack and Charmed I believed I could move things with my mind if I just concentrated hard enough. I spent way too long staring at pencils trying to make them levitate.
After that failed, I started to believe I had the power of healing by touching someone. I'm yet to be entirely convinced otherwise on this, hence my skills as a pet masseuse.
snipertaco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that every food was once an animal that was killed. That includes french fries and potato chips
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:47:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dream as a child was to touch every atom in the universe. Sometimes I remember this is what I wanted to do and realize how fucking stupid I was.
Wronchi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:51:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought since my brother's birthday and my birthday were coincidentally each others 'half birthdays' that everyone's half birthday was on their sibling's birthday.
I couldn't figure out how an only child would have a half birthday.
And turning a half a year was a big deal when you're single-digit years old, man.
RaginCajun_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:58:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Around 2nd or 3rd grade I thought algebraic equations correlated with the position of the letter in the alphabet. For example, x is the 24th letter in the alphabet, so 2x + 1 would be 2(24) + 1. Sadly, I was wrong.
yatpay ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:59:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think all TV was live. I was impressed that the people in the commercials did it the same every time
Silent_J_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:05:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my father was constantly trespassing as on road trips we were always driving past signs that said "Do Not Pass"...
BeThatAsItJune ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a good one! I feel like that would be a really easy mistake to make, though.
bones_27 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:06:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought that chicken nibbles, aka hot wings, were baby chickens. Actually thought this until I was a 15/16yo and worked at a deli & butchery and had to make them (by cutting a chicken wing in half). THE biggest lightbulb moment.
ChodaRockwell ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:35:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My little brother still refuses to eat eggs because my dad convinced him he was hatched from an egg.
Only applies to breakfast style eggs, not baked goods and all that.
KeirPalmtree ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:44:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that the number of testicles a person had, directly determined the amount of children they would have when they were older.
foreverabookjunkie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:52:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up bilingual and thought that when I spoke in my native language, Mien, that no one could hear me unless you spoke the same language. Turns out my second grade teacher could hear me during story time.
PotatoWedgeAntilles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:20:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there was a man that had to stay inside the McDonalds drive through box and talk to people all day. It made me really sad.
Plexster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:25:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought cruise control for truckers would allow them to sleep in their cabs while their truck drove itself
Vitztlampaehecatl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:58:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was going to grow up to be successful and rich.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My second birthday was on Easter. My little brother's second birthday was on Easter. Obvious conclusion: everyone's second birthday is on Easter.
I was far too old when I realized this couldn't be the case.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:21:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A few things...
I thought that aerosmith was aliens.
I thought that half of japan was still in the feudal era and the other half was a few hundred years in the future.
I thought that england was still in the 1800's era, but that they still had proper knights and whatnot.
I thought that i could grow up to be a jeep.
I thought that getting your stomach pumped meant having your stomach pulled out of your mouth so they could take whatever out.
I thought that all of the planets from the original starfox were real.
But i think my biggest misconception was that growing up would be fun.
Elementary school sucked because i was fat and got bullied, middle school was good i had my first kiss and also learned about my passion for art and music, highschool was nothing i spent the entire time smoking weed and hating myself.
SirBrass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Depending on where you go in Japan, you're not too far off to be truthful.
ifyouwanttosingout ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:36:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 7 years old, I thought that the "Adult Toy Store" we drove past sometimes had really hard puzzles. I wanted someone in my family to take me there so I could buy a present for my mom.
confusionhysterical ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:11:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a little kid I 'planted' a penny in the ground so I could grow a money tree.
hopelessbookworm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:06:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 5 or 6 I believed that only boys could grow up to be doctors, that girls had to become nurses if they wanted to go into medicine. It was also around this time that I was really sad because I believed I couldn't be a real "California Girl" (like the Beach Boys song, my mother's a boomer, my dad was Silent Generation so the earliest music I grew up on was 50's and 60's music) because I am a multi-ethnic/racial brunette, and not a blonde.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:19:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hug
hopelessbookworm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:23:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, it took me quite a few years to work through that stuff.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:43 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're awesome, don't forget it.
JHendrix27 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:19:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when people sold drugs, they literally set up a little Shop with prices listed and everything on the corner at night and people came by like it was a regular cornerstone.
CanadianJogger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So that is why Big Bird was always hanging around Mister Hooper's store.
bezelbuth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:08:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That people were reasonable and the world is fair.
Satan_gave_me_a_taco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:17:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought guerrilla armies were actual gorillas. The idea terrified me.
R0yse ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:59:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 6 I actually believed that Star Wars was real, and that we just attached cameras to telescopes. I believed this because at the beginning of every move you it says 'In A Galaxy Far Far Away'. I think the worst part about this is that I convinced MANY of my friends.
moffach ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:13:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very little, I believed that the whole world before the 50's was in black and white just like the TV's.
rosefromtheconcrete ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:12:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That girls pee out of their butts. It took me an embarrassingly long time to learn otherwise. I might have been 16 or so when I found out.
polaralo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:52:38 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mum described some chicken wings as being "out of this world" because they were good. I thought they were becoming rare and soon would be extinct and wouldn't exist anymore. It made me sad.
SeaAnemoNhi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:50:34 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that the Orange, like the fruit part you eat, was prepackaged in the peel/outside skin by machines and/or humans . This was way before I knew how to science
Moshkurr ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:37:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I fully thought if I went to college I'd get a good job. So naive
Draculas_Dentist ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:59:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im from Sweden and i thought that Sweden was earth, meaning that different cities spoke different languages!
kukukele ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:09:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had to get out of the bathtub before my Mom opened the drain otherwise I would get sucked in.
Also, I thought babies came out of belly buttons.
Herr_Doktore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, with a caesarean delivery you aren't completely wrong. They do come out of the belly scar.
FreshPrinceOfCanada ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:05:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the screeching sound that tires make sometimes was what speeding was and you could get arrested for it. Don't think I was right in the head back then.
Quetzel ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:44:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good things come to those who wait. No, good things come to those who work for them.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:08:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I used to have a few beliefs as a young lad:
That the President of the United States was the richest man in the world.
Sex was when a man and a woman rubbed their crotches together (I had no idea about penetration).
Being an adult would be much easier because I wouldn't have to answer to my parents.
Every time I masturbated would be a day I had to spend in hell after I died. I wasn't even that religious. Not sure how this belief came about.
Women peed out of their butts (seems to be a pretty common belief by kids).
Edit: 6. Any time you got a shot (ie. vaccination) you had to drop your pants so the doctor could examine your balls first.
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:42:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why did you think your balls had to be examined? Did you try taking your pants off everytime you went to the doctor?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I remember getting a shot was when I had a full physical exam, so the doc had to check my giblets. For some reason I associated the 2 for a long time after that.
MontRouge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:45:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My twin and I are both Gemini. When I was young I thought that every twins in the world were born as Gemini. It sounded so logical to me at the time haha.
Will_I_post ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:48:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents would refer to a (my) butt a "buttskee" growing up. I thought buttskee was the proper name for someones ass, and we used butt for short.
When we were watching Forest Gump and he mentioned getting shot in his but-tocks i had to ask wtf was that. My mom said thats the official name of the ass. I was like 8 or 9. mind blown...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:53:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dinosaurs hasn't existed. I went to a fundamentalist Christian camp with a school friend and it really screwed with my perception of things. My parents regretted not looking into the camp before hand. A couple years later, a girl in school said she didn't believe in dinosaurs and everyone else argued with her, presenting the evidence, and I sat there silently realizing I had been duped.
jennblaise ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:54:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that I was allergic to smoke (whether it was cigarettes, a grill, or a campfire) because it made me cough and it burned my eyes.
MiserableLurker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look up silver nitrate + cigarette smoke.
rock_buster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that babies were made in a factory, and storks worked on the assembly line and deliveries.
KylezClickity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure there is a new movie coming out with this concept.
Deathless-Bearer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can probably thank the old Mickey Mouse and Loony Tunes cartoons for that.
kiwicupcake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:02:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandpa told me the smoke from the industrial factories were cloud makers
Melraenna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that if you ever touched lava, you would die instantaneously.
TheForceIsWithBrew ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when an actor was killed in a movie they were really dead and couldn't act in any other movies.
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:10:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this too and was baffled when I saw Newman on Seinfeld after seeing Jurrasic Park.
Zanki ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I believed hard enough and was good enough, the Power Rangers would come and save me. Turns out that if you want to be saved you have to save yourself, people either don't give a crap or they can't or won't help. I don't think I actually believed they would come, but I wanted to believe so I did (my life was hell back then). I remember walking to school, looking into cars as they drove past and at everyone I passed, looking for the Rangers. I do remember one funny incident. I was in year seven or year eight, so 12/13 years old. I was in music class and some random sixth former came into our room looking for me. I was told to leave the room with him and I just thought, it's happening, the Rangers are finally here. I said nothing as we left the classroom. Turns out he didn't know the password to the music storeroom and the teacher who sent him over told him to find me because I knew it. Oh well, from what I remember I got to talk to a cute boy for a few minutes and got out of class.
When I was very young, still in my pushchair young I used to think the store mannequins were made out of people. I used to watch customers walk through the doorway in a huge Littlewoods store and then out of the same door walked an employee with a mannequin. It must have happened a few times for me to get this idea in my head. I was terrified of that doorway but also intrigued. I remember mum pushing me past it and me peering in, trying to see how they turned people into them. I'm guessing watching the old school Dr Who put the idea into my head somehow since it feels like it came from that. From what I remember, the women's changing room was there to the right and to the left was a storeroom. I had an odd imagination as a kid.
Awbez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cant leave the door closes when the fan is on or you'll suffocate..like wtf
lbelcher ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:10:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought girls peed out of their butts until I was about 10.
Bodymindisoneword ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:10:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At the corner store there was a sign "$$ for one pound of Boars Head" so I was pretty confused and asked what that was... my mother pointed to the large circle of pressed meat in plastic that brandished an image of a boar's head so naturally I thought all Boar's Head meat was literally made from Boar heads and further more, that it was in such demand was disgusting!
say-car-ramrod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the words to You Can't Hurry Love were actually Kangorilla.
TheMetaphysicalSlug ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to be a burglar
lambofreak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had watched a couple movies in black and white which led me to believe that the world actually used to be black and white and then some crazy event caused the world to appear in color all of the sudden. I believed this until I was at least 9 or 10.
octopusma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:58:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if you swallowed blood you would have to have your leg amputated.
No_Eyed_Dear ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my mum worked in an office in the city she would take a daily train. My young brain thought she would get on the train and stay on it riding all day around the city until she needed to go home. To me her office was a carriage of a train where she would meet clients every station stop.
DodoDude700 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I couldn't flush the toilet whilst sitting on it because it would cover my ass in a perfectly even, thick layer of my own shit.
ukralibre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:27:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that if i wont watch my ass going down it can curl like dogs tail to my back :)
brokenchairleg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me. But my boyfriend used to think that anywhere with skyscrapers was NYC.
dapperdopamine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought drinking and driving applied to all beverages. ( to be fair they don't exactly specify in those ads). So I thought I would go to jail for drinking orange juice in the back seat. To be fair those ads are very ambiguously worded especially to a child. Drinking =/ imbibing ethanol it confused the fuck out of me as a kid.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when two people's blood mixed together, such as when people become "blood brothers," they would both get AIDS. Even if neither of them had it already. I thought that's what AIDS was.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:08:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that whenever someone died in a movie that you were actually watching them die in real life.
Bkbee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad loved watching old movies which were in black and white. I thought that real life back then was in black and white and that life became color due to Wizard of Oz
lebrighteyes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:32:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my grandmother was immortal.
zulu-bunsen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:( i'm sorry
xxsteelheadxx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:34:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the world was black and white until somone invented color because tv used to be black and white
Lightning_Kitty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:36:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I ate an airhead, my head would turn into a balloon and explode, just like in the commercials.
Vallandingman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:41:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 12 I worried the sun would explode, this lasted for about 7 months.
daymanoooahah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After watching Terminator 2 I thought keeping my hands open like the T-1000 helped me run faster.
HurricaneLeeroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:32 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that too, it made you more streamlined!
Shiiiru ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:01:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I would choke to death if I didn't drink water in-between bites of food.
feministfootballfan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:02:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i was always scared to swim in the deep end of the pool because i thought sharks were on that side
ArcSergal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:02:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that my ballsack was for storing urine.
Just from observing what happens when I go to the bathroom I should have learned better, but somehow it took me a bit longer to learn what testicles are really for.
Yvvell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I used to think deep rolls of thunder were gods bowling and sharp claps of thunder was the ball hitting the pins. Lightning was like confetti.
Kryian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You couldn't make scrambled eggs without milk. It's just how we always did it so I thought it was required. Was in my late teens or 20s before I learned otherwise
sexy_burrito_party ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:08:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was afraid that my grandpa would run out of blood because I knew that he donated fairly regularly.
Good_Apolllo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:09:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that in the movies if someone died it was real. In my mind they were all criminals who needed the death penalty and that's how they killed people.
denikar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:12:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Family was strong Baptist. Had a belief that if I masturbated I was going straight to hell. Even saw movies about what hell was like. Fire, being burned alive, demons stabbing you with shovels, the whole nine yards. I laugh about it nowadays.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The things on the TV were actually inside the TV and could come out and interact with you. When I walked into my brother's room and saw him playing Silent Hill featuring zombie nurses with wheelchairs sticking out their backs, I freaked the fuck out.
tommyjohnpauljones ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:14:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was the only kid who couldn't see his own face without looking in the mirror.
BabyPuncher5000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:14:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that the American continents were settled by ancient hebrews.
lelu2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:15:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That whenever a new kid would come into our class that we would have to start learning everything from the beginning of the year because he/she missed it.
DHatch207 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That steering the wheel on the car was what made the wheels spin
TheDrGoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:19:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought water was pumped through over-head cables like electricity and telephone.
EthanX08 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:20:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my grandfather could turn sticks into steaks. I saw him put some sticks in the grill and later saw him take steaks off. I'm still not 100% sure he couldn't...
vladtheinhaler0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my brothers could call Chuckie to come murder me by contacting him via the dryer exhaust outside...
Jiazzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed luck was like a virus, or Pokรฉrus.
Friend A always had trouble beating a certain Megaman level, but when I was around, he was able to beat the level. I brought him luck. I also had this effect on another friend, friend B.
After a while, I got "cured" of this luck-giving and wasn't able to bring luck anymore to friend B. But when I brought friend A along with me, friend B got lucky. I observed I never got lucky with friend A around, so I was immune.
This was all before Pokรฉmon or me understanding how viruses and immunity actually worked.
Tigress5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:26:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that if you ate apple seeds an apple tree would grow inside you.
ITworksGuys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 4 I asked my Grandma what it was like living in a black and white world.
Most of her pictures were in black and white.
DreadAngel1711 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in Santa
jmtznr0th ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:29:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once believed that people who lived "back in the day" (think 1950's) saw everyday life in black and white..
Dr_Ink-n-games ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:30:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought if I open the pack of chips from the toy side, I woudn't get a Pokemon as good as if I opened it from the other side xD
Superdan01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chips have toys in them?
Dr_Ink-n-games ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:07:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, when I was a kid, Pokemon Tazos came in Lays bags.. at least in Bulgaria it was so :)
http://assets.catawiki.nl/assets/2014/11/3/b/1/7/b176fa58-6395-11e4-8ad6-66fa19498190.jpg
There it is.
We also have bags of chips with toys for boys and girls xD It's even more fun to enjoy them. Even when you're 26 :D
qu3L ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my parents were aliens
atipps ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:34:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone told me that cutting a cats whiskers would kill it and I believed that until I was 24.
JLunaM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought i'd be able to choose what happens to my body, i was so confident of it.
Cooper0302 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I could successfully fend off vampires while I was sleeping by carefully arranging my duvet around my neck.
theo_funke ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I put talcum powder on my plush toys they'd have the chance to come to life at night if they wanted to. Edit: put
data_dawg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd make sure to cover my neck with the blankets before I fell asleep because I thought it would protect me from vampires at night.
ChanelNumber394 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I didn't think I had a dad (literally, mom told me I just didn't have one) so 5 year old me was always worried I'd spontaneously get pregnant.
srggrevous ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought World War Two was ongoing and soldiers were being sent off to fight Nazis.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when you heard a song on the radio, there were tiny little people in the radio who played it for you every time. Every song. I was about 3.
ashep24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That absolutely everything has a consciousness at some level.
nimrod1138 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:42:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ever see the video for Billy Joel's "Pressure"? I used to be afraid the rug would eat me like it did to Billy Joel.
geekworking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that "rape" was "rake" as in attacking somebody with a metal rake. When the news reported a violent "rake" it made sense.
indie_pendent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everyone who didn't speak my mother language would translate those other languages in their head to my mother language
Thatguyontrees ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the day started when i woke up and ended when i fell asleep. I was a selfish child.
ZATROBAT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought that in order to get better from a cold or sickness you had to give it to someone else. Looking back, I must have sneezed, coughed, and breathed on hundreds of unsuspecting victims.
Godofwarv13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think I was a robot. My mother on a few occasions had to stop me from cutting myself open to check.
su- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the mid 90s there was a lot of news coverage of a war in Bosnia. It always looked so bleak and cloudy which gave me the impression that everything was in black and white in Bosnia.
mineu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my dolly peed in the potty. I swear to god it happened.
hobolow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That in order to make a baby a man had to pee in a woman. Wasn't until I discovered porn that I realized there was a whole other option.
RoygbivMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:58:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought cats were female dogs. Clearly this is why dogs chase cats. Tom and Jerry shook my understanding of the animal kingdom...
firemedic13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:58:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Dad used to tell my brother and I that the "Creature from the Black Lagoon" lived in the pond in the woods across my street. He didn't want us swimming in the nasty pond and drown.
PM_ME_TAIO_CRUZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me there were two suns: one in the sky as we see it on Earth, and one in outer space.
PanKurzcak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i really hope your dad wasn't serious. You know... poe's law.
allthebaconsNOMS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think the little smoke stacks you see on top of factories were what made clouds.
Avatar_Yung-Thug ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:02:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought brown cows produced chocolate milk until I was 7.
marvins_room ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:02:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I watched a movie and the bad guy got killed, I thought they'd gotten someone who was in jail to play the role, and then actually killed him. It seemed...efficient.
mehnsa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:04:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that most if not all adult were smart, competent, and knew what they were doing at their jobs/life.
Citizenerased1989 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:05:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I was covered toe to neck with a blanket and had my eyes closed I was invisible.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:06:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me if I ate instant ramen more than once a week that I'd die over time.
Now that I'm in college, I sure as hell hope this isn't true...
Amayricka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:10:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Goes into thread Sorts by controversial God
WorthlessPainJunkie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:20:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That we all can grow up and be anything we want, and be successful in life. That we can all have our dream job. (The American Dream)
safashkan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And how old were you when you stopped believing this ?
WorthlessPainJunkie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:40:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably 7 or 8, (it was more of a joke about the American dream)
safashkan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's surprisingly early... I think there are people that still believe it in their forties (I was joking to )
ThatDrunkenScot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:32:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that thunderstorms were angels bowling, and that rain was angels crying. Because of this, I couldn't understand what was so very saddening about bowling.
Natelynne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe their cousin didn't go.
ThatDrunkenScot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:46:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
COSUIN WHYY!?
Feezed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:34:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That ripping a tag off of a mattress is a serious criminal offense. Thanks Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.
TheChrisCrash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that if you looked at the sun on TV that it would damage your eyes.
Uncle_Pancreas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:52:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At the age of 4 i genuinely believed that gushers would turn my head into fruit. I begged my dad to buy it for me and when i ate it i asked everyone around me if my head looked like a fruit and i was so upset and confused when my head didn't turn into some bulbous raspberry or something. This commercial https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gyzt3Q05Ris is why I believed this would happen, upon looking back, why the fuck would i want that?
gelindin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I talked to the speakers on the TV that the characters in the show could hear me. I always tried to save them from danger. I remember my mom just crying from laughing so hard.
rsmauz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:08:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought little gnomes lived inside of traffic lights and changed the colors. Then as I grew older and thought that was silly, there was obviously some poor sap watching the intersection through a camera and hitting a switch to change the light when enough traffic had stopped.
SealsCrofts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought the hazard lights button in my moms car was the self destruct button
axelbuddy042187 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:19:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid I asked my grandma how girls peed without a weiner. She told me that girls peed out of their butts.
Well my mom left and I had no sisters, so living with just my dad in a time before the internet was big I believed this until I was in 7th grade, when I had an argument with a classmate about the subject. That idiot thought girls peed from there vaginas lol
gutman1000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That boobs were full of milk and if you cut them off you could drink the milk out of them like a boob mug. How I did not end up a serial killer I don't know.
zosimoTheThird ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:51:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that the food I ate reassembled itself in my stomach and that I would eventually have a pile of food coming out of my mouth.
aaronite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother invented farts.
Mozahad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every human had a string on them like a puppet
E51838 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I wanted to be a garbage man because I thought you only worked one day a week. Because they only come by your house once a week.
GinoCochino ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I stepped on a crack, it would break my mother's back.
Give_me_your_cookie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everybody spoke English in their head but just translated it into their language to talk.
Daviddem1234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
jehovah's witness's were just too poor to afford presents for their kids.
scotscott ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the top speed of a car is the highest number on the speedometer. source: my dad's toyota avalon would happily do 160.
OriginalKaveman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:55:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dreams could be achieved and I'd be successful
LuckyScheu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:57:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was going to go to jail. I wasn't a bad kid at all but since I was occasionally put in time out from time to time, I thought I would at one point be put in jail for a couple years.
Drylux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me he was once a 300 pound cowboy then became a race car driver. I thought he was amazing and I used to brag about it to anyone with ears. I didn't realize it was a joke till like 3rd grade. :/
Misty_K ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember when they told us about AIDS in school and how it was mostly in gay men in America because of sex but they didn't explain that it's because they were less likely to use condoms and stuff so even though I knew it wasn't how diseases worked my mind couldn't figure out why it was higher besides that AIDS just appeared sometimes if gay sex happened, like even if both partners didn't have it. And for the record I was never raised to believe that being gay was wrong or anything so it's not like I was told if you're gay bad things happen, I just couldn't figure out why it would be higher
Kighla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have anxiety using the bathroom. I felt that if I closed the bathroom door then someone or something could come out of the closet and embarass me. So usually I kept the bathroom door open because of this. However when I took a bath I'd close the bathroom door, and I very specifically was afraid that Team Rocket would come out of the closet, see me in the bath, and make fun of me, thus making me uncool. I was old enough to know they weren't real, but tell that to my bizarre anxiety problems.
Yeah, I don't fucking know.
ilivetofly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:07:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have any personally but there are a few RTAA's that are humorous and under this umbrella. Here is a low res compilation
iviolent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 5th grade, I remember telling my friends about how boys have 3 balls, not 2.
JRCacc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little my parents always told me that if I was bad at restaurants that there was an evil witch hiding in a closet that would come out and take me away and punish me. I realized how ridiculous it was when I was 7.
Komplex_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I dug deep enough down into my sandbox I could sink America. Never occurred to me how beaches work, but the thought alway terrified me.
sonic_the_groundhog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i believed if you ever went to russia, you stayed in russia.
2fatdogz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:42:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the "wind chill factor" given on the weather forecast every morning was actually the temperature in the "windshield factory"! I remember wondering what it was about that type of factory that must make it colder than outside. Just imagine all those poor freezing workers in their jackets with their tears freezing in place!
KingOfDatShit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:49:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That police officers couldn't die.
seamonkeydoo2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:49:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that Band Aids were necessary for even small cuts, because without one you would bleed out.
Jessicauhmazing1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:50:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I went to catholic school from pre-k to 8th grade and had two nuns for teachers. I literally thought they didn't have any hair and that their habit was stapled to their heads. Had a shock when they took it off once.
HeroicTaco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:50:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually believed that when somebody made a "world tour", they just got on a plane, and made a litteral tour of the earth, without even getting out of the plane.
Frostsong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:59:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being a kid at the time, I didn't realism that when the new was talking about The Gulf war in the early '90s that they were saying "Gulf" I thought they were saying "Golf" and I didn't understand why people were hitting golf balls at each other, or why people were so upset as I didn't think golf balls would do that much harm. /facepalm
Rick___ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:00:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe the adults knew what they were doing.
sp4ce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:10:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those metal kick plates at the bottom of some doors. I really thought they were there so animals would get scared of their reflection in them and run away.
arcleo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:21:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid my mother loved to say "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it." I really believed her. Until I was about 10 I honestly thought it was legal for a mother to kill her children and I was terrified she'd really do it.
take_my_waking_slow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:22:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That there was a queen booger, sort of like a queen bee, and if I could get her out of my nose, then I'd never be bothered by boogers again.
maconsbill ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I determined my parents current financial status by the toilet paper in the bathroom. Single Ply? We must be living paycheck to paycheck. But that 2-ply, we are Oprah rich
crazypancakes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:33:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That actors that died in movies were paid a lot of money to actually die.
VikingOfLove ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:34:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was convinced that when you flush the toilets that's when the Ghoulies could come out. So every time I was done in the bathroom I would get ready and flush the toilet, then make a mad dash for the door and close the light and the door behind me as fast as humanly possible.
That movie did things to my young brain...
Akitador ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God.
MasterKaen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When someone died in a movie in some spectacular way like being cut in half, the actor actually died, but it was ok because they cast people who wanted to commit suicide anyway.
KmKiero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:58:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a few.
When I was really young, I thought parents and children eventually swapped jobs, like I would be my mom and dad's father and they would turn into children.
I also thought women just kept having babies until they had some special surgery to stop having them.
erbaker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:58:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed garbage men worked one day a week
-Rcham ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:59:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everyone was a robot and I was the only real human. I also thought that my surroundings generated as I experienced them. This was when I was 6 so I hadn't been exposed to any hardcore Sci fi or anything like that at this point. Somehow I developed into a moderately normal adult
GiggityDPT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:59:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because all married people had the same name, I thought you could never get married unless you met someone with the same last name. And then I knew you couldn't marry someone you were related to. So I figured it must be super rare for people to find a mate. But every adult seemed to be married so I was like "how the hell are these people finding each other?"
percinnamon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:00:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw something on PBS about alligators in the Florida sewer system. Every time I used the toilet, I thought an alligator was going to come up and bite my butt.
tomtom02 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can be anything you want to be...
2muchcontext ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:28:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know of how your eyes have a huge floating blue spot in front of them when you stare at the sun? Well, I asked my olde brother about this and he said the purpose of the blue dot was to lead you to treasure. If you follow the blue dot long enough, you WILL stumble upon something like a treasure chest full of gold.
So naturally for the next six hours I would stare into the sun until the blue dot appeared, then wildly follow it wherever it led me. Now of course the dot eventually fades away, at which point you have to look at the sun again. Whenever this happened I thought it was a way of telling me that I wasn't worthy, that I wasn't worthy for this treasure or whatever awaited me. By the end of the day I was a stumbling idiot that was around 90% blind.
Crunkbutter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:43:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was asked on 4chan a week ago. The funniest response was, "Thought if I pulled my foreskin back too far my dick would fall out."
GrokThis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:46:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Way too late to this party, but I thought people were hollow. So when my mother was pregnant with my baby brother, and she said he was in her belly, I thought all the food she ate fell on his head.
Oreo_Scoreo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:47:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That vapo rub is the cure all for literally any ailment known to man. Reasoning: Mexican mom said so
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:48:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that black women lactated chocolate milk
justplainscott ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:48:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I totally thought that the school year was the same length as summer break. It was a long road after that revelation.
grlonfire93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:49:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that when a woman was pregnant the umbilical cord attached itself to the baby from behind the woman's own belly button. Like it was some weird nutritional passageway and that was why we have belly buttons.
tnasr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:50:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had convinced myself that I had Aids for some odd reason (when I was 10-11 years old). There was a lot of news on it at the time and I didn't have a clue how it was transmitted. I just thought I had it. Strange.
fedupwithpeople ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Child of the 80's? Me too. I remember in the late 80's laying in bed absolutely devastated because I had been bitten by a mosquito... and thought that I surely had AIDS from it. (because people were WAY ignorant about it then)
yodabandgeek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:50:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought cats and dogs were the same species, with cats being the females and dogs being the males.
AaronAshan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Potato chips were made from trees.
Eli-Cat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1) In Canada in the 90's and early 2000's, the government put out an ad that was basically a short documentary of the "North American house hippo". A tiny hippo that comes out at night from under your bed to eat all your crumbs. The ads ended with "don't believe everything you see on TV" but I always disregarded that point for some reason and firmly believed that they were real.
2) that stuffed toys came alive like in Toy Story and if you were nice to them and hugged them often they would protect you from monsters but if you neglected them they would attack you in your sleep.
3) I used to thrash around a lot as a kid in my sleep which resulted in occasional bruises. For a brief period I was worried that Michael Jackson was coming into my room at night and beating me up. I'm not kidding. I was almost convinced.
funneh_username ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Black people are black because when they were born their mom pooped at the same time. Thanks sis.
EZ36DP ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that age had a multiplying factor.
My mom was 39 when I was 8 so I calculated that I'd be twice my age when I'd be 16 and my mom would also be twice her age which would come up to 78 years old. Then ended up assuming she'd most likely be dead by the time I'd turn 20... And I started to cry.
I'm now 25 and she's still there, still wondering what went wrong with my math
Rhymes_Rudely ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older sister's friend told me that if you talked into the volume button on the TV, the people onscreen could hear you. Believed it for far too long.
tdotbay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everyone spontaneously combusted into white fire devils when I left the room.
No clue where that came from. I must of been a lonely child or something
Isortalikedheroin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:21:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't understand the concept of day/night. I didn't know the sun was going to come back the next morning.
I was raised on my father's music. 'Mr. Blue Sky' was one of my favourite songs and I took the lyrics very literally. Every morning for a couple of months, I'd run into my parent's bedroom screaming something along the lines of "Mr Blue Sky is back! Get up! He's back!". They just thought I really liked the song but I genuinely took it as the truth.
I also cried many times over Puff the Magic Dragon's death.
ameliagillis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:22:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didnt grow up with brothers, and for quite a while I had no idea what the physical difference between a boy and a girl was, so i assumed that to find out when a baby was born, you would put a girl toy and a boy toy infront of the baby, and whichever they chose was their gender. In grade 1 my logic got confused, because some girls liked playing with cars. It all came together eventually.
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You just presented the perfect argument against gendered toys/marketing. :P
Father_Sandoz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:23:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1977 me thought Stormtroopers were robots.
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really do not blame you for that.
ShadoHeart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:23:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that girls just had a bigger penis that the guy would stick into her. Then I saw porn.
tipitamd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:23:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 4 or 5 my family lived out in the country in two trailers on about 5 acres. One night I wake up to this horrible smell, I look over to my friend who was sleeping with me on the pull out couch bed in the living room and ask her if she farted. My nana was in the kitchen laughing and told me the smell was skunks. Around the same time I see my dad and papa leaving out the front door with their shot guns. At this time I had never seen a skunk. With my imagination I pictured em to look similar to a werewolf , I mean why else would my dad and papa need those big O guns. So for the next couple of days until the smell went away I was scared to go pee or even go into a empty room with out my mom.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought pregnancy was something that women "caught", like a cold or something. I also thought that the moon followed my Dad's car on long trips.
Riesig19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:26:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That pencil lead was real lead and that I knew that lead was dangerous after watching it on Nat Geo or something and I came to despise using pencils for fear of lead poisoning.
rtothewin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:29:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told me that poop was there to clean us out. I believed that somehow the poop moved around our blood cleaning it like a brush. It always confused me how my poop could fit through my arms without noticing it.
Edit: I was like 5
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This needs to be turned into an internet comic
qwerty12qwerty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:31:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Dog's on a farm :(
Eridion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought everyone in the world had a different first name to avoid confusion, one day one of our neighbors came over and intruduced himself using my name, so I said yea thats me, he then said thats his name too, after looking at him for about 5 seconds I punched him in the stomach and walked away.
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No longer a special petal :P
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:34:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The consequences of getting shot. Foot? Dead. Hand? Dead. Leg? Dead.
Erezen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late, but I thought "Pedestrian" was a Christian denomination.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Up until about age 8, I genuinely thought that when a person had a heart attack, their heart actually breached their chest wall and started beating them senseless somehow, probably with fists that it somehow grew. Now I think of that scenario and I picture the heart just flailing about and swinging whatever's still attached at the person.
kaizen-rai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remember those old pepsi commercials? "just one calorie!". In my child mind, a calorie was a literal, physical thing. I always wondered how they got exactly one calorie in each can, and what if you only drank half? Did you have a 50-50 chance of drinking that calorie? I spent a lot time and soda pouring them out on sidewalks looking for that stupid calorie.
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What a waste of pepsi :P
NastyNaughtyNausea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can never waste enough pepsi.
DhroovP ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dogs were all males and cats were all females.
Reltach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so glad I'm not the only one..... Totally made sense then, right?
Inspirited ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is gonna be buried but when I was way younger, my older bro somehow convinced me that red blood cells looked like Elmo and could come out of your body and play with you if you willed them to.
Also, he claimed to have the power to change night to day or vice versa but could only do it once in his life. Of course, I kept begging him to do it but he would give me some lame excuse. Sigh
snappyirides ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:49:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bet you were fun at parties.
Inspirited ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:33 on April 22, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
Faeriewren ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People couldn't be born in the month of February.
In kindergarten, we were going over our birthdays, and no one in the class was born in February, so the teacher said, "Ok, so no one can be born in that month."
For the next 4 years, I didn't believe anyone who told me that they were born in February.
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta love that period of childhood when you didn't understand sarcasm.
9gagSubredditOf4chan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was four, I watched my father play the original COD. Later, he told me he was in the military a few years before I was born. For two years, I thought that people in the military could actually respawn.
v_matia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I am the middle of three kids. I have an older brother and younger sister. When we were little (3-5 years old) I would take baths with my brother, when he grew up I would then take baths with my sister.
I relaized when I started taking baths with my younger sister that she didnt have a noodle (if you know what I mean). But my older brother and I did have noodles. I had never seen anyone naked apart from my siblings, so I didnt know what to make of it. So in my little kid brain I deduced that my younger sister HADNT GROWN INTO HER NOODLE YET lol
Im embarrassed about this still, lol
snappyirides ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is totally adorable XD
nednikb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really late to the game here but I always believed that elves were hiding in the vents spying on me for Santa. I would cover them up while I was changing clothes or peer into them trying to catch a glimpse of one.
Also, my mom told me the sandman comes and makes me sleepy every night by throwing sand in my eyes. So naturally, on nights that I couldn't sleep, I'd be really careful not to rub the sleep from my eyes so that I'd fall asleep faster.
I was weird. Still weird.
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Currently picturing Dobby
nednikb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my childhood mind they had cute little costumes but being watched by tiny, judgmental men is still a pretty sinister thought haha
Legulus390r ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that growing up would be fun.
morphicc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when you broke a limb it literally fell off and you had to use cast to hold it together.
Miller_Gold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eating raw pasta would give you worms.
GeneralCrux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That those silver ball things they advertised on Nickelodeon and Disney Channel actually floated in your hands.
ramichaud ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:04:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 6 years old my cousin and I would spend our weekends/summers/ etc. out on my grandparents farm, it was a decent lot around 7 acres. One day my cousin and I are digging holes to make ramps for our bikes and we came across some old bones, when we went to ask my grandma she told us that they were the bones of the Indians my grandpa killed, so he could take their land. We got really excited and decided to go looking for the rest of the Indian bones. Around 6 years later we found out that my grandpas dogs would just go out and burry the rib bones they got as treats
meow0369 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:08:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That water and food went down a different hole which involved flaps in my throat that rapidly flipped and grates as well as this being the reason for me always being able to eat dessert in that ice cream was just frozen liquid and melts on the way down and goes into my water stomach.
Biotot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sheltered suburban life I thought that strangers were naturally trust worthy.
My first semester of college I learned not to buy speakers out of a van the hard way.
number0ne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also bought a speaker out of a van. Just one, couldn't afford a pair.
BroffaloSoldier ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:14:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I inquired what my dad did when he went to work, his reply was "I make money". For the longest time, I pictured him slaving away in a factory line, printing, sketching, and colouring huge reams of paper... making it into money. Pouring liquid metal into moulds to make coins. During lunch at school, I'd casually say, "my dad made that", when kids would take out their money to pay for lunch.
_Schaefer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When homeless people die they bury them in the road to make speedbumps.
Thanks dad.
bewildermints ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:19:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One day , I went swimming at my grandma's pool with my family. Shortly after swimming, I started to get out of the water and dry off. When asked why, I replied that I was too cold and wet, and I needed to dry off my testicles. I didn't understand why everyone started laughing. I'm female. .. I think part of it was that I was just really intrigued by how the word 'testicle' sounded. it has a nice flow. I don't know why you men get to have that interesting word all for yourselves.
Kaze_no_Klonoa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that making games were as simple as coming up with them.
Me at the age of 6: "Oh, so you could just come up with an idea and it turns into a game? I should totally make video games when I grow up!"
Me (10 years later) developing my first game: "God damn it what am I going to do about the sound effects? I have zero programming experience, how can I make this thing not be a boring ass RPG Maker game? Oh shit, people are telling me that nobody would want to do this in a game and thus I'm making something nobody will play."
Times were simpler then, although I really should had saw that ridiculous fantasy not being true. Making games and the development process for them requires a wide variety of skills and a lot of time.
As a young kid I didn't want to believe that making video games were hard and got incredibly discouraged when I realized that. Now I have to start learning the development process and organization of making these games much later than I should have done so.
PopChipsLover ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my name would be different for each and every language. Duh... I even asked my cousin what my name would be in Hindi. Still can't forget the look she gave me.
WayneWong11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:34:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 5 or 6, I had no idea about sex. Like at all.
I thought you made kids by French kissing (otherwise why the fuck would you wanna share saliva with someone else), this idea broke down after I realised I was jizzing on my food and stuffs.
Also i thought each testicle was an unborn and tiny child - that being why my parents always told me not to hit by balls on anything etc. It kinda got pushed along by me having one sibling (two kids two testicles duhhh)
Lammington ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I grew up in Memphis and always thought the red light on top of Memphis' pyramid was a guy. I thought that was his job, to stand at the top and hold that big red light.
When his shift was over, I figured he just slid down.
supercurryman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the moon follows you when driving.
BlackPresident ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:37:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that condoms were used for reproduction, like the opposite, you needed a condom to conceive..
I think there was some kind of confusion when it came to circumcision, I thought condoms replaced / were a more effective foreskin.
gregbridge1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think on a map, New York was Maine. New York always made me think of the Statue of Liberty and on a map Maine looked like the torch Lady Liberty held. Young me just put 2 and 2 together.
soupcan16 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that cows ate soup. House near mine had cows and troughs for water. I thought the troughs had soup in them for some reason.
rempae ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:40:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That ghost writer actually existed
BlazeTurtleZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:40:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when I had woken up to a boner, it was actually a bone that had shot up into my penis without my acknowledgment. I Asked 1st grade friends if they ever had the same thing happen to them, we concurred it was true. I single handedly misinformed an entire class of children about their dicks.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:23:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I mean most mammals do have a penis bone, we just don't
fraserbarton ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:41:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that my whole life was just a game show. That everything i did was being watched by some studio audience somewhere, so that eventually when i found out, i'd win the game/life. When i eventually asked my parents about it, expecting them to say "well done, you've won! You now know everything about what life is, and the universe etc", they instead said "Wtf, no thats not how life works" with a confused as hell look on their faces. Turns out my 6-10 year old perception of life was wrong all along, and i made an idiot out of myself asking my parents about it!
nelizzy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe if I folded something in half before eating it, I would actually be eating less! e.g. fold a pizza slice, only eat half a pizza slice! I was brilliant!! And fat.
adrianwarp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:57:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if anyone will see this, but around 7 years old I firmly believed that entire cities of dwarves lived underground. They operated traffic lights. That's what they did.
Oh oh almost forgot. Around this time I also thought actors really died in movies. What an amazing sacrifice for an artistic endeavor, I thought.
MrYuuup92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:13:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew thinking the phrase was "minus well" instead of "might as well"
Psyqhodelic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:14:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought children are born children and adults are born adults.
pjvex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My uncle convinced me that statues could come to life and eat me. So if I saw a particularly realistic looking one (or mean or big), I'd start running away from it...this went on for a year. My parents were irritated and upset.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:20:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I could use the force
lazarus870 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told that a condom was so a man's seed didn't get in the woman. I pictured a man ejaculating a sunflower seed.
Kennethjay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:39:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dust bunnies not actually being bunnies
CanadianJogger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They grow up to be the monsters under the bed. That is why you must vacuum your room regularly.
TFaust75 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:39:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad's cousin believed that the only people in the world were the people in his small town. Whenever he traveled, he thought everyone was coming with him to a new place. He thought he was in his own Truman Show.
Jackeeeeee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:42:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That periods only came once a year. I wish it were true.
antaeus91 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:44:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Dad once told me that thunder storms where clouds crashing into each other.
So when it came to explaining about thunder storms in school. I explained, with lots of confidence, how it was clouds bumping together. My teacher looked very confused.
I-amthegump ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the communion wafers were Jesus' toenails
NathanThePoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 6 or 7 years old, I thought that your soul was specifically inside your heart. And I thought if a doctor cut open your heart after dying, your soul would fly out like sparkly confetti.
Greenteam93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:56:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also believed that a serial murder witch lived deep in the woods behind our house. My two OLDER brothers and I would play in the woods a lot and came across what used to be a tree. The trunk was still standing, very tall, no limbs and seemingly hollowed out.it was so big around that the three of us couldn't reach all the around it holding hands. At the peak if the trunk was the exact likeness of a babies face. They told me that a witch lived in the area and she performed black magic using children in her craft. And that creepy tree is where she dumped the remains. And the souls of the children couldn't escape and were crying to be heard which is why there was a baby face at the top. And me, being the gentle soul that I am, felt so bad for these murdered children. I would bring offerings to them. Toys and sweets. Crayons and paper. I would even get on my knees and say a prayer for them. When my parents asked me where everything kept disappearing to I told them I gave it to the children in the woods. They got it in their heads that homeless kids were living in the woods behind our house, my dad went out looking for them leaving my mom and I alone. I said to her "he's not going to find them." Mom replies, "why not sweetie?" I looked up at her with a sad face and told her "they're dead" I have never seen my mother that scared in my life. Actually I have but that's a whole other story. So my brothers tried to scare me but it actually ended up terrifying our mother beyond repair.
CanadianJogger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a paddlin'.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:56:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That cheese came from a cows ass
Thanks dad, parent of the year.
Henkersjunge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:01:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, cheese is technically bacteria poo, so...
Gokuzaru ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:06:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That actors who played bad guys in movies actually died at the end, and that they actually auditioned so that they could die on screen so that their families could make tons of money. My argument for the same actor dying in multiple movies was that they made all the movies at once and just edited the death scenes to make them look different.
gardenia42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everyone had one toothbrush for the whole family. Ours was tied to the wall-mounted soap dish with string. 1) Yes, I'm from Mississippi. 2) My teeth are fine.
CanadianJogger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:14:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
1) that is amazing
2) I'm glad.
temporalarcheologist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:13:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
haha mayonase
Greenteam93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:17:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mom once told me that green m&'s make you horny. I was about 5 at the time and anytime I get a bag of m&m's, with peanuts of course, I think about that. I still have second thought about eating the green ones.
Pizzaisbae13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Jackie Burkhart?
Greenteam93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Naw I wasn't around in the 70's
Greenteam93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:21:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Babies come from a cabbage patch. The cabbage grows and if the farmer doesn't pick it the leaves start to rot away, and when it rots to the center and falls open there is the baby. And you would just have to hope the farmer finds the baby before a coyote gets to it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:21:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my name was childish, so I just assumed people just changed their name into an adult name once they got older. One day I decided on James and told my parents I had decided to change my name to James when I was old enough. They were confused.
Greenteam93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:30:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If any part of me stuck out from under the covers at night it would get chopped off by a demon with a meat cleaver. . . Or when I pulled a shirt over my head, on or off, it would change my reality somehow. Also this is kinda weird but I believed that there were infinitely long knives that came from my finger tips that were invisible and almost nonexistent up close but on the other side of the world they would be reeking havoc on poor innocent people.
CanadianJogger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember spinning around to get dizzy. Afterwords you had to spin the other way the same amount to reset yourself correctly to the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:31:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
there was a kid in my class who genuinely believed that black and white spotted cows were fake, that they had somehow rounded up and painted 'regular' cows with splotches to make them look fancy.
I swear she's the reason we got to go to the petting zoo/farm each year, to learn that cows actually come in multitudes of colors/patterns.
Pizzaisbae13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh so hard. My favorite so far
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:17 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Her name was Flavia and she also never learned how to swim without floaties.
Bigdickmob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:48:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to be a bridge toll collector because I thought whatever money people were giving them was their pay. I thought I would be rich. Until I found out they don't make that
Heageth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:00:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a child I believed that every beach was next to a jungle and visa versa. So when I would go to the beach I kept wondering where the jungle was and worried about the animals.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:01:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was special and unique.
skippy_tha_kangaroo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that God existed and Christianity was the only religion.
aetherialvortex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. I used to believe that way and in turn, I thought Islam was a race...
Keamy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:11:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That god is real.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:20:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Around the age of 5, I refused to go outside at night because I thought you would float up. It started when my mom told me it was dangerous to go outside at night without an adult. In my mind I thought an adult was heavy enough and could hold your hand, so you wouldn't float away.
boran_blok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:25:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought other languages were just the same words written in another alphabet.
So every language was just a different way to write a, b, c etc.
CanadianJogger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are alternative alphabets for English. Elian script is quite beautiful for example.
http://i.imgur.com/6Bjbo.png
Here is a list and examples of quite a few others. And you could make your own. http://www.omniglot.com/conscripts/english.htm
hugin_on_air ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:49:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that I had to use the light switch exactly seven times each night to turn out the lights before going to bed in order to prevent my family from a horrendous massacre.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
How_Mathematical ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:58:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That people got vaccinated for diseases to prevent them from spreading to cute animals like pandas.
When I was little, my dad used to take me to the zoo after every vaccination as a sort of reward. One day, I told him I was sick of seeing pandas and I hated needles. He said that I had to get vaccinated, not for my sake, but for the pandas ... Because I'll pass my human diseases to them and they would die. D:
Absoulewt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:26:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I got a PlayStation I used to think that the enemies in the game were played by employees at the shop it was bought from. Like they'd wait around all day until somebody starts up the game they're assigned to play and they'd control all the enemies over the phone line or something
architta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:29:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my native language (Nepali) when an earthquake occurs we say "an earthquake went by" - I used to think that earthquake was some person and everyone always saw him run by but I would get sad because I never got to seem him. In my mind I always imagined it as a dark shadow figure that ran around.
artificielle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:26:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For a very long time I thought house hippos were a thing.
Amanoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:27:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every year, a senile old men would come to the country from Spain by steamboat, along with his helpers whose faces turned black from chimney soot, bringing us presents and small cookies that are kind of like a crunchy gingerbread.
HK-4795 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:30:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First day of 1st grade, I thought restrooms were a place you went to literally rest.
calibrationss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:30:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older brother completely convinced me that that there was an island in Japan that had real live Pokemon on it. Kinda like a real life safari. My mum ended up crushing my dreams when I told her I wanted to go there. :'(
oneofthesesigns ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:37:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother convinced me that every 8 years you could add an extra letter to your name. So on my 8th birthday I told my mom that I would like to add the letter B to the end of my name. She was like wtf no.
Chillsmofo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:46:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the whole world was black and white until the 70's...i believed that somehow until i was about 12 y.o.
kyljmk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:01:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that when actors spoke a foreign language in films, they were completely making it up (a la Joey's French), my reasoning being that if I didn't know other languages how could anyone else
MyInformedLife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:09:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there was a crocodile in the toilet that would emerge whenever the toilet was flushed. I was so scared to flush the toilet and would always run away so fast, legging it up the stairs two at a time just so the crocodile wouldn't get me.
velociradster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:12:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to read books before I went to bed, and I usually fell asleep while I was reading them. I would wake up to find that the books were gone (my parents had put them away). I remember feeling something under my covers that felt like a hardcover book, and so I thought that my bed ate/absorbed books that were left on it and I was careful never to do this again.
poonhound_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:12:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The older you was the taller you got. I had nightmares about 100 year men being the same size as houses.
TheWagOfTheSwag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:24:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That removing my PS2 memory card would delete all the saves on it even if the console was turned off.........
All those 1k + hour GTA saves weren't worth risking.....
EroticPoptarts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:28:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought that when law enforcement in the US said "anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law" it meant that if you said "computer screen" they would then bash you over the head with an actual computer screen.
IMPERIALxMASTER ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:31:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my parents conceived me without sex. I thought i was a virgin birth. I was in denial.
MrsSofia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:33:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid I was convinced, salt and pepper would even out each other by the same principle as base and acid. I'm not sure why. No one ever led me to believe this, yet I believed it for an embarressingly long time..
TheGurb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:37:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since I never had seen my parents or other grown ups go to the toilet I made the logical conclusion that grown ups didn't have to go to the toilet. Ever. I thought that all those toilets were just for the children.
Kalipygia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:39:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember being absolutely shocked in 3rd or 4th grade when it was explained to me that my thoughts don't actually make a sound. I used to think my brain actually spoke my thoughts aloud but the sound was muffled by my skull and flesh and hair and so on.
DontDOwhat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:39:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Miniature humans come from land beneath us if we dig it deep enough! :|
AbNasir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:41:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that one day i became the world richiest man in the world
holy_halo_man ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:44:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me that if I fell asleep with jeans on, my legs would fall off. I believed until I was eight.
paquettejeremie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:49:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a bit late to the party but meh..
I thought that each star in the sky represented each person who died since the beginning of time. I thought that when you died you just become a star. So many stars, and so many people deceased, it made sense to me !
Krazyzane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:05:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was like 8 these teenagers would walk with me and my brother to school because they lived by us. They had us believing that their uncle was able to create a powder that allowed them to fly and they would tell us every Monday that they were out flying and that they would bring us some. Yeah that went on for a whole year then I realized they were full of shit and though the comic need in me wanted to believe it was possible the realist in me said enough
mollypop94 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:15:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older brother was born with a defect which meant his left leg simply wasn't there upon birth, only his thigh had developed. He'd learned from a very young age to walk with a prosthetic, and even got into weightlifting, swimming and biking. For the rest of us six kids, it was absolute normality, and something that never bothered us.
Except for me...whilst it never, ever bothered me, I asked him one day exactly how he lost his leg. Instead of explaining the birth, he told me he once fell down the stairs, and his leg just fell off.
Not that his leg broke, and had to be amputated...but it popped off like a doll-limb. 8 year old me was fascinated, a little scared at such prospect, and intrigued. I remember telling my friends in school, and them being so nervous of falling down stairs.
A year or two later, I tumbled down the stairs, nothing serious. But I cried and cried, and as my mother consolled me, I said, "What if my leg fell off like (brother's)?" Her expression changed from confusion, to interest, to pure humour as she started to crack up, and berated my brother for his mind games on such an impressionable (stupid) sister.
Funnily enough, a few months ago, my best friend (we're both 22 now) were talking about family. She awkwardly asked me about my brother's disability, and I could see years of curiosity got the better of her.
"So, uh..I heard in school his leg got bit off by a shark..."
"What the fuck?!"
Turns out, in middle school, that's what he told people. That son of a bitch.
suspecrobot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:32:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For a while I believed I had fallen asleep when I was 6 and everything since then was just me dreaming.
We moved from Germany back to the UK at that time and I guess I had trouble adjusting so chose to believe my UK life wasn't real.
Omny87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:33:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live in Texas as a kid and I used to believe that tumbleweeds hatched from eggs. They were soft like snake eggs, and were the size of basketballs. My logic was that I only saw tumbleweeds rolling around, never growing like a plant, so I figured they were some kind of weird animal that just looked like a plant, like mobile land-coral.
vickexists ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:35:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ceiling fans spin because of ghosts.
zensunni82 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:37:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Having watched the Planet of the Apes movies as a child, and subsequently hearing news reports about armed guerillas attacking villages somewhere, I was very much mistaken for far too long about the weapon usage capacity of your average nonhuman primate.
Justheretotroll69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:45:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That Dogs and cats were the males and females of the same species lol
Thompy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:46:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that the queen had to watch every single film and give it a rating of U, PG, 15, 18
mr_krink1e ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:47:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly believed that a house down the block from me was inhabited solely by penguins.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:49:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when black and white televisions were a thing, that people actually only saw in black and white. As if a coloured world hadn't been invented yet.
QEDLondon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:49:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents took me to Ivory Coast when I was seven. When I came back I thought Zulu warriors would come to get me in France by taking a plane like I had. (FYI there are no Zulus in Ivory Coast; they live at the opposite end of the continent in South Africa)
altf4account ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:50:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At 18 I would become spiderman.
TuyRS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, I noticed that all old pictures were black and white. Therefore, I thought that the world was actually black and white and color wasn't invented back then.
Thatonecatyouknow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:01:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The floor is lava
C1scoKid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:03:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought penguins were the size of humans because you never see no one near them for comparison.
MelissaCates ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:08:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the black market was actually at some secret location where people came and had stands like you would at a farmers market and if the police came everyone took their stuff down and ran away before they'd get caught.
Kingbenn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:29:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I went to radio shack to return a opened game. And they said they would not take it back because now we have CD burning. So I took out the CD and said "look I didn't burn it all, it's still new.". He just looked at me and gave me my money
BBoulevard12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:39:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you weren't an adult then the casino will lock you up in one of the colorful cages they hang around as display.
Parents made my siblings and I believe that so we would leave them alone. I only found out that it wasn't true last year. I am 21.
7redarrows ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The neighborhood I grew up in until I was 8 years old was...not the best. My grandparents lived three houses down from us and one day, when I was about 6 or 7 (I'm 35 now), while they were at our house, their's was burglarized. Nothing was stolen, but the place was ransacked...especially the playroom, where most of the toys for my sister and I were kept. My Grandma's purse was there, it had been dumped out, but no money or credit cards were stolen. I heard my mom say, "They were probably looking for kids to kidnap."
My little 6-7-year-old brain then developed a huge internalized fear that someone would break into our house and kidnap me. Along with that, I developed a superstition that if I slept with my fingers crossed, under my pillow, and pointed toward the window, that nobody would be able to break in and kidnap me or my sister.
We moved to a nicer neighborhood when I was 8. I kept doing this until I was 10, and then one night I decided to "try" sleeping without crossing my fingers. I didn't get kidnapped that night, so I decided it wasn't necessary.
My parents never knew.
JoshuaHawken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:13:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up.
youngtuna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:16:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That there's some invicible man living in the clouds who controls everything
Bsours1002 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:21:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I saw old black and white photos I thought the world had no color back then.
heron27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:27:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For not too long period I had a belief that strong muscular men are supporting the ground so it won't collapse.
chiprezy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my great grandmother was really called a "grape" grandmother because as she aged she started to look like a dried out grape, a raisin.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:55:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was the only one who could hear plastic grocery bags crinkle
LethargicHero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:58:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought episode of shows would have different endings sometimes. That the writers and animators would just have several different endings that could be ran that time.
I would be watching spongbob like "maybe he won't make the same foolish mistake this time?? Nooo Patrick you dumb fuck! We have been through this before!" It was a belief that kept me interested but often led to frustration.
tquast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:01:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to not know the difference between prosecution and execution so when I saw the "shoplifters will be prosecuted" signs I believed they killed them.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:17:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was raised in a Christian family. Asked what a soul was, and somebody told me that it's what's inside you. I apparently was extremely literal, because I then thought that when my soul went up to heaven it would be like a bunch of internal organs with wings going up into the sky. I was kind of upset that we were all going to be so ugly in heaven.
Mrs-Norris ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:35:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad was in the Air Force and he had to go on TDY alot. One time he went and we weren't allowed to know where, all my mom told me was "Far away." We had this Bearnstein Bears book where the Papa went far far away to the moon. So I went to school and told everyone my dad was on the moon.
DukiMcQuack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:36:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was scared of going to the toilet because I thought I would get sucked down it like Nemo. Only years later did I realise that he was sucked down a sink drain and not a toilet.
upvotepenguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:37:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just became a teenager probably 13 but I was always scared that in the future when I had sex I would put it in the girls pee hole instead of the baby making one. In my defense porn doesn't explain much.
Thisdarlingdeer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:39:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
If you would put a screwdriver in your belly button and would screw it your butt would fall off. Thanks uncle Steve. Miss ya buddy.
warm_ice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all cats were female, all dogs were male and that's why they always fought
Avocado666 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought eggplants grew by digging a whole and cracking an egg into it. I never ate eggplant because I thought this was so gross but I always was in my parents backyard cracking eggs into holes.
BrokenCandy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:45:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That Milk was made from Cow snot
cartmen34 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:54:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the world was actually black and white until somebody invented colors sometime in the 1950's.
Hikin33t ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would one day find myself in some kind of story, set as the protagonist that would get the girl and save the day. I truly believed it, never happened.
Shanker_BB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:00:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that babies were born just by a man sleeping next to a woman :/
Alien_Liver ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that humans had been to all the planets in the solar system
pelican737 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:25:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That Obi wan Kenobi was God. No joke. I actually believed this until I was about 5.
YellowBrickRoad33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:33:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you'd get pregnant if you kissed someone for too long. I remember watching Neighbours and seeing a couple kiss for more than 5 seconds and thinking "Oh no! Now the girl is going to have a baby!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I haveno idea where I got the idea from but for a while I was under the impression that cartoons were parallel universes we were filming.
Amonza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God is real.
majorjag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:06:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the leaders of our State and Nation were basically honest and had our best interests at heart
leonairxxx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid, I used to think that if I ate sunflower seeds, I would have sunflowers growing out of my mouth, ears, nose and butthole.
cruate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed for some reason that when you were pulled over by police, the first thing you had to do was to cite the number on your licence plate or else they'd take you in. I memorized my dad's and was terrified that he'd ever forget it in case we were pulled over.
La_vida1216 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My big daddy (grandpa) would always tell me that if I ate the seeds of any kind of fruit usually watermelon that I would have vines growin out of my ears and nose and mouth. Still to this day even though I know the truth if I accidentally swallow a watermelon seed I freak the fuck out. He may have passed on but his lies live on!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced until around the time I was 8-9 that if I used the soap at my grandfather's old house in the middle of nowhere, the lights would go out. Why? Well, when I was little, if I used the soap at his old house, it would just so happen that the lights go out. Until recently, I was convinced that the Blue Screen of Death was deadly to even look at. (around 2 years ago I figured out that it wasn't really a screen that can kill you)
lizzietishthefish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:27:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Raised Catholic and my aunt made us say three Hail Mary's before we took a trip. I hated this because I thought it went "Pray for us sinners now AT the hour of our death." It's actually "Pray for us sinners now AND at the hour of our death."
movingthrough ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:32:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That you had to pee inside of a girl to get her pregnant..
SLDGHMMR ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:33:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a child I thought that if you jumped while travelling in a high speed train (like TGV in France), you would just hit the damn walls of the train and die.
hcelestem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I flushed the toilet, a giant hand and arm would reach out and pull me in. You could see me opening the door, getting as far away from the toilet while keeping it still in my reach, flushing it and then sprinting away to the other end of the house.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:48:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God exists.
UnrulyCrow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:00:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reasons (and The Aristocats), I would locate Timbuktu in India. It was a real shock when I learned it was in Mali.
moonsidian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad once told me that the FBI warning at the beginning of VHS tapes meant good morning.
Elle_Yes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:25:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
spiders were inside bananas. refused to eat them and i really like bananas.
vault_dweller1031 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:27:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think Large Marge from PeeWee lived being our washing machine and was waiting to scare me.
Mahoganychicken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that erections were my penis filling up with pee.
SprJohn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought my mum was secretly a bear. Always tried to quickly turn my head round to catch her in her true form. Or look in mirrors to catch her.
MelissaCates ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:34:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents used to tell me that back in the day ( not sure when ) if you lied people would gather around you for a ceremony where someone would cut out your tongue.
PepsiCola92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when it was raining it meant that God was taking a shower.
lil_chilty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that sex took several weeks and that the man and woman had to be attached at the genitals the whole time.
Chickengun98 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother once told me not to mess with the vent in the bathroom. She did not, however, explain why. The logical assumption, of course, was that said vent contained a timer, and when said timer hit zero, the planet would blow up. I became very worried every time I walked in and the vent was turned on.
darthmaul898 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:00:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought that if you didn't step off of an escalator in time then you would be sucked into it.
PhoenixQuiver ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I tied my legs together while I slept, I'd eventually turn into a mermaid.
I would use the ties from my bathrobe to tie my knees and ankles together before I went to bed for several nights in a row.
ImMrsG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:42:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought kissing was the same as sex. Learned the hard way when I went to school and asked everyone if they have sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend. I was 6 and my teacher was horrified.
MrSplitty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That breathing in a car as we rode past a cemetery would legitimately upset the deceased.
Delsana ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That being a friend to others would lead to more friends.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents convinced me that each seat in the car had a pressure sensor, and the car wouldn't start unless each seat belt in an occupied seat was buckled. Personally I wish this was a feature in cars.
kristidotwo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:24:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first thing that comes to mind is that I thought the pimentos grew inside the green olives. I was in college before the truth occurred to me.
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:48:02 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I literally just learned this a couple of months ago. I'm 24.
SimpleManofPeace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:38:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use to think water would make your hair grow kinda like a plant. After getting haircuts I wouldnt shower for a while cuz I didn't want my hair to grow lol
ohherroeeyore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:53:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt made me and my sisters believe that if we swallowed our gum, it would clog our assholes.
Mabans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:58:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paint came from natural things. We got green from grass; ya. Kid.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the human race was actually a race where you run.
hwiggy777 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is most certainly too late but I have to add because it's that ridiculous. I was 100% convinced that my neighbor was god. Like the christain god.
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why?
hwiggy777 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:02:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you watch Rugrats when you were younger? Well they always used to say "thank you Bob" instead of "thank you God" cause ya know, babies. And my neighbor's name was Bob so I figured he was the one.
1000Donuts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that Ursula from the Little Mermaid was in my toilet, I would only poop under extreme circumstances, otherwise I'm holding it.
PantoHorse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know my father when I was a child. Through completely misunderstanding something I overheard my mother say, I came to believe that my father was Bruce Willis.
hwwv5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:26:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad left the tv on when he went into the shower and one time a documentary about a male to female transgender came on, and she said "I remember when I was a little boy" so I thought that if your born a girl, when you turn into an adult, you naturally change into a man and continue life. I thought this for years until one tme I asked my mom "what was it like when you were a little boy?". She was confused and then explained how it actually worked.
droopingdaiisy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when you went to put keys in the ignition you could take them back out because the car would taste the keys and know when to turn on.
seanthemonster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:44:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party but.
I thought the stomach had chambers for every type of food. If you didn't like something it was because your stomach didn't have that chamber and the food had nowhere to go
withpurpose ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:45:50 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Before I took a shower, I'd have to run to the back closet to grab a clean towel. The closet was around a corner and mostly dark. I used to RUN to grab my towel, then RUN FOR MY LIFE out of that closet because I thought an alien was gonna get me.
swarm_noise ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:04 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was special.
I think this is something a lot of gen-y's grew up thinking. That life was going to happen exactly how we wanted it to.
PotterandPinkFloyd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:22 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was 100% convinced that people in movies and on TV were performing it live for me every time I watched it, and that the rest of the time they just waited around for me to watch them again.
hellomew ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:11:07 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Back when i was younger and used vcr's i came up with the idea that everytime i would remind the movie the people who played in the movie would actually rewind. Like acting sceens backwards and everything!
NovaKing23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:46:52 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I honestly believed that you needed to travel by space rocket to get to other continents. I thought Asia was another planet.
Forever__Lame ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:28:26 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason, when I was a kid, I always thought people didn't breath when they slept. So every time I pretended to be asleep I would hold my breath.
rossow_timothy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:52 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Atomic bombs had tiny knives inside them that cut an atom in half.
TigersInSweatshirts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:49 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I used the same shampoo as you my hair would look like yours. Regardless of hair texture associated with ethnicity or hair a different color than mine. You have an afro? Tell me what shampoo you use. You have a cool haircut? Please tell me what shampoo you use. You have red hair and I'm a brunette? TELL ME WHAT SHAMPOO THAT IS!!!
ItsNotAPlaneItsABird ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:56:56 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My father told me he only had half a pinky finger because his mother cut it off with a spoon since he always stuck his finger in his nose so much. That stopped my brother and I from putting our fingers in our nose real fast. When I was like 12 I asked him how his mother cut his finger with a spoon and he told me that what ACTUALLY happened was when he was 16 he was making a stand for his speakers in the garage and he was being a dumbass and not being safe with the saw. It ended up slipping and cut half his pinky off. After he realized what he did he tried to find the half that fell off but couldn't. He went to the hospital to get it fixed but he has always theorized that the neighbors cat took and ate his finger.
Luczrio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:24:01 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced babies were conceived through kissing until 7th grade...
blacksheepk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:15 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that everybody was born the age that they were. So my grandma was born looking old and i was destined to be a child forever.. Which in a way, I still am.
pbmainiac3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:39:01 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I ran through several theories to explain childbirth, from shitting out the kid to barfing it up. Also stomach exploding alien - style.
Vick_in-a_Box ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:33:42 on April 22, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed cats were girls and dogs were boys. Also you were either born a child or an adult.
Zhemyra ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:16:47 on April 22, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in kindergarten, I developed a bad habit of biting my bolster before I slept. In attempt to curb my habit, my mom told me that it was bad for my teeth and that they would eventually all fall out because of it. For some reason that didn't really faze 5 year old me and I continued doing it.
Then one day my mom told me that since I was a biter, I couldn't hug bolsters to sleep anymore. Instead, I'd have to use a baguette as a bolster for the rest of my life.
I don't bite my bolster anymore.
wwaxwork ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:47 on April 23, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My neice when she was 5 thought that different segments of the moon where all held together by magnets to make the full moon, much like Terrys Chocolate orange. To get the different stages of the moon, someone pulled the different pieces off then put them back together.
TikkiPurple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:49:56 on April 27, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought if you fell down a well it was a gateway to hell Lmfao. My dad used to tell me it to keep me anyway from the one we had on our property.
mrdoubleq ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:59:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I close my eyes when Im shampoo-ing, someone/something will be standing in front of me once I open my eyes.
somegaijin42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:27:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Ooh woah... I always feel like somebody's watching meee!
Edit: added link
thecosmicgoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your not entirely wrong.
methuzia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know, for a fact, that Santa is real, because I saw him sail across the sky.
I went outside with my dad to get some firewood out back on Christmas eve, and coming back in I look at the sky. There, across the moon, I saw Santa's sleigh flying overhead, and got incredibly excited because he was near. My dad too saw it, I know he was up there.
I ran inside, made my brother and sister go to bed so he could come, and woke up the next morning to all his presents. It was amazing, and the belief lasted for years after because I saw him.
Years later I've come to realize that it was some guy in town with a major spotlight and a cutout crossing over it, sending a shadow into the sky. My dad knew, but kept the secret. Should have known that you can't see the moon through clouds, but I was young and dumb and it was santa.
InfamousRiddle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:13:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:34:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
NotTasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:c
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:47:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus and the rapture.
S-uperstitions ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:36:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For real, I used to get panic attacks on saturday mornings when I would wake up to a quite house.
For some reason the first thing that popped into my mind was "everyone else got raptured except me".
I got over Christianity and the panic attacks went away. Good riddance, religion.
glipppgloppp ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:40:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty funny that people are mocked with "omg edgy lololol" for pointing out something that is so painfully obvious
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:14:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. That snarky mockery over someone just seeing the obvious truth... idk. fuck those guys.
Mattlink123 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know everything? Do you see everything? Of course not, it is impossible to. How do you have so much faith in that God doesn't exist? (Btw I am neutral on the matter of religion)
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:53:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Insert comment I made earlier that we cant prove the universe wasnt created last thrusday...
My faith that there is no god is based on the western definition of god as this guiding force that cares about people and the misery found around us that could be solved by a great number of gestures that would not infringe upon free will. Insert Epicurus.
I came to this conclusion as a child once I discovered the holocaust. Lemme get this straight... god's chosen people were killed in the most horrific ways imaginable... but god loves them. He was either unwilling to help; and thus a monster, or unable, and thus not a god.
So many other logical defects in the abrahamic god... even if he existed only an evil coward would follow such a hateful prick.
One thing that also bewildered me... You are god... and the system you create is one where one creature has to kill another creature to live? What asshole does that shit?
Mattlink123 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 18:59:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Simple response to the holocaust issue. Free will. God gave humans the ability to make choices freely. So therefore things like the holocaust can happen.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:10:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The free will argument is so much bullshit, and it does not answer; how can someone who claims to love anyone act in a way that is hateful or neglectful.
Free will... threatens his people to follow 600+ asinine rules, and if you dont he's gonna send you to burn forever... Freewill under threats? LOL.
A god could have easily just aided all the assassination attempts made on hitler or other villains.
Free will... what exactly were the wills of babies put to death?
The free will argument fails to withstand all logical assaults.
And have you read the fucking bible ever? God interferes with humanity all the time in that book of fiction. Where does god say he isnt going to interfere?
Mattlink123 ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 19:20:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Remember the fact that Jesus basically says that we don't have to focus on the Book of Law. Also you don't have to go follow the rules to go to heaven. BTW those interferences were most likely metaphorical.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:25:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, but the bible makes it clear, follow the rules or accept christ or do not go to heaven.. so anyone never taught about christ and that shit go to hell. And metaphoric? Perhaps then god is just a metaphor then too? I'm not interested in having hours long discussion on it today.
Mattlink123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I, personally, believe that those who didn't get the chance to hear of christianity get asked if they believe after they die. On the subject of metaphors though I more or less meant lessons. Yeah, lets end this discussion it isn't gonna end with me an atheist or you a christian.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:55:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What do you base that off of? Not the religious texts involved.
Mattlink123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Personal hope I guess.
Psyanide13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:14:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you are personally editing the faith to cover for some question you have instead of actually following the word of god?
Have you read Dante's Inferno?
Everyone born before Christ, those that couldn't ask him for forgiveness, are placed in the first layer of hell. It's not so much a punishment but they cannot go to heaven because they didn't get a chance to ask jesus to be their savior.
If you really think about it everyone is born a sinner and if they die as a baby before they learn to talk they must be sent to hell because they too cannot ask jesus to be their savior.
So Hell is filled with babies.
Mattlink123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually the catholic faith believes babies and the insane instantly go to heaven due to their lack of ability to believe.
Psyanide13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:54:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I too lack the ability to believe. That's my in. Thanks!
Mattlink123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok? Good for you...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. And they do not base that belief on anything written in the bible.
distinctvagueness ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:46:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
And he's absolved of the consequences of that choice?
Mattlink123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:55:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, because HUMANS WANT THE ABILITY TO CHOOSE. Do you want all your choices to be made for you? No. No you don't.
distinctvagueness ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:21:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Why is giving humans what they want a thing God should enable? Any desire a human has was put there by God unless God is somehow limited by external beings.
Hraesvelg7 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:59:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't require "knowing everything." We know enough that we can be sure the Abrahamic religions are as untrue as the Olympian gods. Yahweh, the God of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, was originally only a regional warrior god, and not a sole creator god or even the chief deity in the pantheon. His followers did what followers of a war god would be expected to do, and gradually moved toward henotheism and finally to monotheism. In that process they redefined their preferred deity, reassigning him some traits of the other gods while literally demonizing them. Abrahamic scripture makes no mention of any of that history. It starts out assuming Yahweh was the sole deity from the beginning, and we know that simply was not the case. Even if we interpret Genesis as metaphor, it still skips thousands of years of human history and of Yahweh worship, bypassing all of it up until his followers were already monotheists. It essentially ignores everything before the Israelites.
Psyanide13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:07:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a belief that god exists. It's the disbelief that god exists.
Does this make sense?
To be even more clear we shall look at two sentences.
I believe that god does not exist.
I do not believe that god exists.
Are these 2 sentences the same or different?
They are different sentences.
Let's examine the second one.
"I do not believe that god exists."
This disbelief is the default position. The starting point. When some says "Shiva exists" I think "I do not have enough proof to believe in this god." When the Shiva follower doesn't provide proof I still keep me view that there isn't enough evidence for me to believe in Shiva.
I apply this default to every other god until proven otherwise. This saves me time and effort and so far throughout the history of the world not one single god has proven themselves to exist. No followers of any god have found sufficient proof that their god is real.
So no I do not have "so much faith" that god doesn't exist. I have disbelief and a very simple way to overcome this disbelief... simply provide scientifically testable proof. Just one time and I will update my views of the universe to include this new data.
glipppgloppp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think there is a very real possibility that there is some kind of higher power in the universe, maybe even one that gave rise to the creation of the universe itself. The painfully obvious part is that the representations of "God" we get from religious institutions today are not accurate, nor were they ever in the past.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:58:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's no proof that God exists or doesn't exist. Of course mocking someone who is atheist isn't ok, but how is mocking people who do believe in God ok?
distinctvagueness ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:48:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mock an adult for believing in Santa? Let me rephrase that, do you try and convince adults believing in Santa that is counter-productive and the evidence for Santa isn't good?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
No...? What other people believe isn't my business.
distinctvagueness ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, but those children aren't giving a large chunk of their money to Santa and demanding people on Santa's naughty list act more like them, or run the country.
I don't go out of my way to upset Christians, but if the conversation gets started I won't hide the information I have learned after I spent 20+ years with those delusions. I try not to "mock" but that definition is debated by many.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are no sacred cows; atheists can be openly mocked like everything else.. Everything is open to being mocked. But when you mock shit be prepared for someone to counter. This thread was about dumb shit one used to believe as a kid. God and metaphysics are edgy answers, they are honest answers. The mockery was snarky garbage.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:59:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Be careful kiddo, you might cut yourself on that edge!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:08:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, those things caused me a lot of anxiety and depression in my adolescence.
ologisticAlgorist ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:18:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How exactly is expressing a religious belief in a calm and rational matter "edgy" in any way?
Evolved_Star_Dust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Careful there kiddo, don't want to get your feelings hurt by the mean words.
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 18:13:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lemme ask you. What make you make that comment? Seriously. It's like some kinda assholish snark for what?
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:34:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And dismissing the beliefs of a billion people as ridiculous isn't assholish snark?
I'm not even religious and it annoys me seeing things like this.
Hraesvelg7 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:02:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
A billion people think that Jesus is coming back to destroy me for not worshipping him like they do, and I'm the asshole for not thinking I deserve it or that it is true?
[deleted] ยท -13 points ยท Posted at 18:42:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dismissing irrational beliefs held by the masses? Not at all assholish snark. Just how rational thought works. When someone asks what dumb shit one used to believe many are going to answer god, jesus, and the magical shithead in the sky. OR wasnt being a snarky or edgy asshole.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:26:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's irrational that so many psuedo-intellectual atheists have taken it upon themselves to dismiss beliefs held by billions as "dumb shit".
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:28:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And what do you base that thought on?
Psyanide13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:56:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
S-uperstitions ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:34:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you regularly let people pass off opinions as fact or do you only let them pass it off when those opinions are religious?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:34:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm an atheist you moron.
S-uperstitions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I get that, but why should dumbass ideas get a pass just because they are part of a religion? You said:
you admitted to giving bad ideas a pass, why?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:46:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because I'm not so egotistical to completely dismiss a faith because I don't agree with it. I don't consider the conclusion I arrived at to be infallible. Nobody knows what happens after death, not you, not me not the billions of religious people. We may have ideas but I don't treat them as fact. I guess I never developed the giant ego that goes along with being an atheist.
TheKoolAidThatKares ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dont care if i get downvoted by all these jerks. You're a good person, and I respect people like you.
Lowkey_the_prankster ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:43:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But you are. You still hopped on Reddit and insulted someone because they typed out something you didn't believe in. You still insulted someone by calling them a child and dismissed their belief because you didn't agree with them. I'm all for it. We are all a bunch of assholes on Reddit, but don't start telling me your brand of asshole is better because it a little different.
Psyanide13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:56:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, you got that. You're just aiming at atheists instead of churchies.
SinkTube ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:28:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I said I believe our governments are controlled by lizard people, would you respect my belief? If no, what makes religion different? The fact that more people believe it?
S-uperstitions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you think faithhealers should be allowed to let their children die in peace without anyone confronting them about their dumb ideas?
Do you think female genital mutlation should go unchallenged?
Closer to home - do you think that people should be allowed to threaten others with eternal torture, without those threats being challenged?
Sure, I leave most people mostly alone too, but some ideas are really harmful and deserve to be confronted
Evolved_Star_Dust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Aztecs were a large group of people that thought they had to do human sacrifices to make the sun rise everyday. It's not egotistical to point out a belief that is factually wrong. It isn't about not agreeing with it, it's about dismissing a false claim.
durand216 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh down vote! I came here for cats poop jokes and close call .gifs ๐
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 18:12:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no. Hi, rational human.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:37:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SinkTube ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:29:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Believing something without evidence is pretty much the opposite of rational, don't you think?
AlmightyXor ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Is it irrational to believe in the existence of conscious beings other than oneself? After all, I myself have no evidence saying that everyone I know and will ever know are not philosophical zombies that merely act like they have consciousness. The observation that I myself do and that, therefore, everyone else must also have consciousness is as fallacious as seeing a white swan and declaring that all swans must be white.
I also have no evidence that I've been writing or understanding 2+2=4 correctly all my life. What if I've been making an error this entire time, thinking I've been writing 4 when I've actually been writing 5? Given the lack of evidence to the contrary, is it not irrational to think I have been?
Evidence is not a sufficient demarker of reason. It's sufficient and necessary for science, but science is not the only field that utilizes reason.
EDIT: Downvoted for having an unpopular stance? Never change, Reddit.
SinkTube ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:10:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Technically, yes it is irrational to believe that anything is real. It's completely possible (as far as you know) that the universe is a made up fake thing that doesn't exist at all.
You don't believe in the universe because you've used ration, you believe in it because it's the only way to function. Even if you decided "No, the universe is fake and I refuse to be a part of this." your brain would continue to process the signals it recieves from what it thinks is the universe. And those signals can still cause you pain and grief, which you want to avoid, or happiness which you strive for.
Refusing to participate in the universe will earn you pain, because your brain is pretty sure you need food to live. To avoid the pain, you must participate, and follow some rules, and that's just easier when you work with the assumption that those rules are real.
But once you're in those rules, you get to meta-realness. Even if the universe is fake, air and gravity are real within that fake universe, but unicorns and fairies aren't (probably). The same way that you can read a fictional story, and it'll have its own internal world, and within that world some things will be more "real" than others, even though the whole story is not "real" within your world.
AlmightyXor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Indeed. It seems like we're fundamentally agreed, then.
But this idea is why I also fundamentally question the universal applicability of evidence. Where is the evidence supporting that specific viewpoint, for instance?
Moreover, if we all believe fundamentally that it what we're experiencing is "real" in any way without a means of justifying it, then we're all irrational, religious and irreligious alike. And if everyone is, is the distinction between rational and irrational even meaningful anyway?
Meh, I'm sorry. I'm probably repeating things you've probably heard before or thought about before. I don't mean to come off as antagonistic. :/
SinkTube ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:39:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No this is actually an interesting discussion. I would say that believing in the universe is irrational, but we do it for rational reasons that make sense within our heads. It's like we're turning off suspension of disbelieve so we can get immersed in a game. But once you're in a game, you have to follow its rules.
Say you're playing Skyrim. Why are you worrying about fighting these dragons? It's irrational isn't it, you know they're fake. But you suspend your dragon-disbelief because otherwise you couldn't play the game. So you're fighting the dragon. How do you do this? Within the irrational, fake world of Skyrim, there is a combat system that lets you swing a fake axe or hurl fake fireballs. This will kill the fake dragon. You can also take off your armor and try to jump up and down on the dragon's head. This will not harm the dragon at all. The whole game is fake, but the idea that jumping on a dragon's head will kill it is double-fake.
I hope that game-analogy makes the slightest bit of sense. I dunno.
AlmightyXor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like reason is relative to the observer, then. Which...hmm, I think I can get behind that idea. (Or maybe we merely think it is. Or not. Dang it, I sound like the Cheshire Cat! XD )
Maybe another way of thinking of it is that reality is dependent on the observer. I'll probably get flak for citing it as an example, but Sword Art Online has a theme similar to your example with Skyrim. The characters acknowledge that they are forced to live in a virtual world, but what they realize is that, virtual thought it may be, it's still living. Their experiences weren't any less meaningful than their non-virtual lives simply because it was a processor crunching ones and zeroes.
So I think I know where you're getting at with the suspension of disbelief thing! :D
SinkTube ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:03:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it doesn't matter that much if the world is made of atoms or imagination, it does exist even if it only exists in your head.
AlmightyXor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:01:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, exactly! What you said reminds me of a good Harry Potter quote, too:
Philosophy--gotta love it, eh? ;)
SinkTube ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But to get back to the point, religious folk huh? /s
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:40:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No one said that, did they?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:51:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hilariously ironic how this has devolved into atheists arguing with atheists over how irrational Christians are.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:04:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ahawks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if you're serious or mocking, but this is definitely my answer.
miseryforlife ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:13:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That life was worth living.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:58:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you okay?
mardfet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No yeah he just thinks life isn't worth living so he's clearly fine.
Penguin_Out_Of_A_Zoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:22:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh boo hoo.
Tenzegre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
wtfudgery ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:08:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Adulthood would be great. I can eat cake whenever I want but really that's the only great thing about it.
allwordsaremadeup ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That atoms were mini planets with little people on them.
twodadshuggin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I now believe in this.
bunker_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, most adults still hold the incorrect idea that they look like little planets and have orbits that resemble them.
tehgimpage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:01:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
parents raised us mormon, and til i was about 8 i thought the word "god" was a bad word because we weren't allowed to say "oh my god". i would get very uncomfortable anytime any adult would say it in church and thought they were doing something bad. thank glob im a pastafarian now and all that silliness is behind me!
iPlayWoWandImProud ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:51:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the rapture was going to happen for Y2K,
I was 9 or 10 years old, heard stories of how people without the proper markings on hands or head ,w.e it was, was going to be killed by flying gargoyle like things.
Needless to say, I was relieved when it didnt happen
SirBrass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was 5 when Y2K came around so I never heard of markings or gargoyles. Was that seriously true?
iPlayWoWandImProud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im not a religious fellow, but when I was younger my family tried to get me into it. To my knowledge, the rapture is when these devil things come and take those who had or didnt have certain markings pertaining to god/devil. So pair that with everyone talking that the world was going to end <Didnt realize it was for technology> .. I was a little scared haha
SirBrass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ that's terrifying. I'm so glad I was too young to understand any of the scare tactics.
iPlayWoWandImProud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should watch the film Red State. John Goodman is in it, funny and freaky movie. Bible freaks and rapture are involved lol
piugattuk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:04:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the moon was made of cheese.
giant_sir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:30:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in a God. Does that count?
Mindstar48 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:28:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that God exists.
IM SORRY DONT HURT ME PLEASE
bmkaggie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That cats and dogs were the same animals.
lil_ger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cats are the girls and dogs are the boys. Duh.
ukralibre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So romantic!
bunker_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that tigers were female lions.
Roaming21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That one day I would actually catch up to you in age.
oekoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the sky was blue because of the ocean. Still not sure if thats true lmaooo
jimmythebass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live in Vegas, while most of my extended family lives in the salt lake city area, which of course is in a different time zone. The fastest way from Vegas to slc is the I-15, which passes through the northwest corner of Arizona. Being a little kid, I thought that since Utah is one hour ahead of Nevada, and you pass through Arizona on the way, it must be only a half hour ahead.
huskerphil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would get worms if I ate too much sugar. Thanks Mom and Dad.
Quetzel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a foot rash when I was a kid, and my brothers convinced me that my feet were going to fall off.
UniTe_CSGO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I could pursue my dreams.
Tinkertit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that storage lockers is where you would go if you lost the key to your house and wanted a new one. I thought every door there was a copy of someones front door.
Zeerick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that, rather than Santa visiting all the 7 billion people in the world at once, instead all of the world's governments would send special agents to break into everyone's houses and place the gifts there and then make it look like Santa had been.
fatherping ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you unscrew your belly button your legs will fall off.
rolyatnai2011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If your belly button comes undone, you can have an anal prolapse.
youraveragenightmare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought i could catch clouds in a bottle and i could watch thunderstorms in them.
dreamfall99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a guy had to pee in a girl during sex. I remember having a disucssion with my friend - "What if the guy doesn't have to pee? What if he just went to the bathroom? Does he have to drink more water before they can have sex?"
pipof2010 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents convinced me the tornado sirens that are tested every Saturday during storm months at noon were actually the paddy wagon coming to pick up all the kids who hadn't cleaned there room.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed I could achieve a state of constant happiness and not be bothered by the discomforts of the world.
FatGordon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly thought you could fall down the toilet and go round the bend. I had nightmares where the toilet came away from the wall and went round the house eating stuff
SonaBacha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I ate the black seed a watermelon would grow inside me.
gleeXanadu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all cats were girls and all dogs were boys. Obviously I did not know how babies were made.
reincarN8ed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was on a gigantic 360 degree treadmill and the horizon was the edge.
rawgabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought there were monsters in the toilet and that they would somehow appear when I flushed. So after I flushed, I would rush out of the bathroom, barely washing my hands. If I could make it out of the bathroom before the toilet had finished flushing, I'd be safe.
irollburritos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 5 or 6 I was hanging out with a friend of mine who was around 8 or 9. We were friends because our parents were good friends.
Anywho, we were talking about Pokรฉmon and he was telling me how the rock Pokรฉmon Onix lived in Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. I believed him because he was older so he obviously knew what he was talking about.
Well, when I was about 10 or so, I visited Mammoth Cave on a class field trip. Lo and behold I saw signs that were marking where there was onyx the mineral and it donned on me that I had been tricked into thinking Pokรฉmon could be real. I had never been so relieved/disappointed in my 10 year old life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there was only one mailman that distributed everyone's mail every single day
Bigboss910 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Guessing Santa was no bit deal to you then :P
UnusualDisturbance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i was absolutely mortified of mayonaise because i thought even a sandwich worth would make me obese. cue to today where i weigh about 65 kilos (w/e that is in freedom units) and hapilly enjoy it daily
Defttone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think everything was sentient.
bunker_man ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually you're probably not wrong. Many of the leading scientific theories on conscousness run into the same problem. Namely that there's nothing you can define as what the consciousness supervenes on that excludes well... anything. If its just information processing, everything does that. The issue is just that only certain things do it in an actively conscious way rather than an inert way. If true this means that consciousness is universal. Its just that something like a rock is only 00.002% as conscious as a person, so for practical reasons it makes little difference.
Swing_Wildly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend who thought the scrotum filled with urine and acted as the bladder.
DerelictGamers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that if I closed my eyes and focused I could switch bodies with my siblings. I tried that one night at dinner with no luck. I was confused and wondered why it didn't work. I have no idea where this idea came from and why I thought it was true. Also I thought it was my top set of teeth that moved up and down when I chewed. Younger me had strange thoughts.
skeletonkilljoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've always been convinced that wind turbines are powered by electricity and are just there to look nice bc otherwise fields would look too boring... It really shocked me when it turned out I was wrong
bunker_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin thought that you could charge a gameboy by putting a wire in a potato and the other end on the battery that was in it. I was 10 and old enough to know that was ridiculous and he was at least four years older than me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very little (before starting school little) I thought the sun came up when I woke up. The first time I woke up and it was dark I was seriously confused.
Lord_Varys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that women peed out of their butts.
Until I was a freshman in highschool.
floonis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That raccoons can pick locks.
When I was 8 or so, I woke up and went outside to feed our rabbits, who'd been mauled by raccoons in their hutch over night. It was horrific. I was devastated and asked my dad how this could happen. He explained that certain raccoons are highly intelligent and can pick locks.
He admitted years later that he forgot to lock the cage the night before and couldn't bare to tell me.
Before that admission, for years I got crazy looks from people whenever I'd bring up the dangers of a certain subset of raccoons breaking and entering into people's houses.
NoobQuake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that kings, queens, nights, and other royal folk were like dragons... Really cool and the recipe for stories, but still all make believe.
KylezClickity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that when I watched an animated movie, the actors were in the studio reading the lines and those were somehow transferred through my TV.
StigOlBiffy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought pretzels were made of wood.
Cpottzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Truly believed Steve from blues clues could hear me, and that the children talking are other kids sitting in front of a tv like I was. I would shout to be the first voice do other kids could hear my voice.
sunshine0540 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All cats are girls, all dogs are boys. Cats and dogs mate, and the litter is made up of cats and dogs.
JohnnyH3663 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought eating turkey was illegal on any day other that thanksgiving
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone told me that the orange lights on top of road diggers made them stick to the ground. Not gravity.
I bought that for ages.
PX4Storm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The color of the wrapper made the candy taste better.
dabroncosman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you were bad and stepped on the drain grates in parking lots they would fill with water, you would fall in and either sharks or alligators would eat you.
Ambarona ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a demon giraffe was going to attack me from the furnace vent on the wall halfway down our staircase to the basement.
MD4LYFE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't recall what age I was, but I remember on a particularly hot day suggesting to my dad how we could make the day a little cooler-- "Why doesn't everyone just open their windows and turn on the air conditioner so it isn't so hot outside?". He didn't quite know how to respond...
therealpogger5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never used to, or still won't (but have loosened up with some things), eat foods with faces, gingerbread men are sad to eat cause i feel bad for em.
iamagenuious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
santa existed
molly_ad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that all the cars in the world drove itselves, except mine. Maybe it's because I couldn't see the drivers or maybe it's because I thought that the world revolved around me and my family lol
matteomatteo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That it isn't normal to run up flights of stairs on all fours
Hollohalfway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the scariest monsters in the world's biggest weakness was light from my light bulb
RedDorf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian Corner:
Not quite bilingual as a child, I read the 'best before / milleur avant' statements on food products and thought my favourite sliced bread, cheese, milk, etc. were the best brands before a large conglomerate company called "Milleur Avant" came in and took over the market.
Ugh.
neemeenone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
This belief requires a little bit of backstory:
So 7 or 8 year old me notices a sign on the side of the road - "NO Littering, Violators will be Prosecuted". I wonder to myself, "how do they (as in The Man) know that I'm the one littering?". I see no cops, and having Litter Police stationed at the side of the road just seems silly to me. So how do they catch you and know that the litter is yours?
The answer: DNA and fingerprints. I figured cops took every single piece of litter on the side of the road, dusted it for prints (or for drink cups they'd get the saliva off the straw), and would test it. Once your name came back, BAM! They'd show up at your door and arrest you for littering.
EDIT: Forgot one. I also believed that if I kissed a boy I would get pregnant. My father was encouraging of this belief, which persisted until I learned the birds and the bees as a teenager.
shemasch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents were discussing a citywide bill that was being voted on. Septic tank vs Sewer. We had sewer some people had septic tanks. In my mind, I thought that the houses with the huge tanks outside were those with septic tanks. Years later I found out the difference and that those tanks were actually propane tanks.
autumanempire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom's exhusband used to tell me if I kept biting my nails a hand would grow in my stomach. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, feeling the sides of my stomach for fingers.
I also stuck a towel in the back of my pants and walked around on all fours for a summer because I thought if I wanted it bad enough, I could turn into a wolf.
Trixi4president ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I firmly believed a "joke" my dad told me for several years. He told me to not be afraid of sharks at the beach because dolphins were guarding the entrance to the beach and they also put up a net so even sneaky sharks wouldn't get in.
boston_celtics53420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that eating fish bones would make my bones grow more
ukralibre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Its ok, adults believes in the same
fish_geek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That bears were big dogs in the way that lions, tigers and leopards were big cats.
TheOneWithAGun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The prominence of the "stop, drop, and roll" education lead me to believe people caught fire fairly often :P
Tacosauce3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if this counts, but I always thought clouds were blue and the sky was white. I remember being in first grade when a teacher corrected me. We were drawing pictures, and I made the clouds blue in mine. She asked me why, and I had no way of answering her because it just seemed right to me at the time.
AnonymosSpectre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm completely convinced that my brain is just one guy sitting at a control panel with monitors displaying status reports from all the different departments of my body. I have two modes: auto-pilot and manual. Most of the time I'm on auto-pilot. I'm 25 years old...
Haineserino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That picking my nose would eventually lead to my head caving in. My dad told me that would happen and it scared me shitless
AriasRapeWhistle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember doing this, but my little sister (8 years younger) claims that I made her believe that she wouldn't be able to learn how to whistle if she didn't eat the crust on her sandwiches.
askuse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had two:first,because I had read my sisterยดs biology book wrong,i thought that sperms travelled by kiss.Second,I thought that there was one cloud on the world responsible for all rain,and it was carried around the world by the wind(also because of a misinterpretation.
Iloveyoubromontana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I used scissors to "cut" water flowing out of the faucet, that I would actually somehow make the water just stop in midair where I made the "cut."
PenalAffliction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On Wheel of Fortune, when they split the screen horizontally so you can see the players on top, and Vanna White on the bottom, I used to think she was actually that small and was actually right below the wheel.
david63376 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bumble Bee stings are fatal. Caused me quite the panic when I got stung by one.
MajorPootie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Inside a little compartment in the car was a button that made the whole car shrink to the size of a hot wheel.
BizarroCullen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought if you killed ants, then god will send a giant ant to maul you. I don't know how I got that idea, but I think from an old anime about a mole and his sister.
Ckarini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know those old books that had the two big eyes in the middle, where the pupils always face up? Well when I'd look at my eyes in the mirror and move my head around, I was surprised my pupils weren't moving with my head. I assumed that human eyes and those books were made of the same technology.
QuiteTheOptimist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Growing up as an American boy, I adamantly believed "lbs" stood for "libits" and that "pounds" were the silly things people in the UK used for money.
foulball3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I'd grow up to be cool.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed all the teachers and my parents who said "Go to college so you can get a good paying, stable job"
Damn was I a sucker
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed a troll lived under my bed that would try and turn me into a wooden doll.
F**k you Ernest Scared Stupid
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Astramancer_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:58:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You were half right. They are holes in your teeth, and they are made by little buggers (though bacteria rather than insects)
BlueLineMenace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I found out planes had bathrooms one day. Now, as a child living near O'Hare airport, I saw many planes flying overhead. Planes with bathrooms. Well what happens when you flush the toilet at home? Turds go down, right? So in my travels through Chicago I would occasionally come across piles of poop. 1+1=2. Or poo. Whatever. I developed a natural fear of being randomly pooped on by planes flying overhead. So playing baseball I would stare into the sky and drift out of plane flight paths just in case. Eventually I figured out that dogs pooped in public and planes just carried poop around. But I didn't realize it any time soon.
SprehdTehWerdEDM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since I never saw through the windows of other driving cars, I always thought other cars were sentient beings going places. The funny thing is, that I was in a car quite often, but I thought my parents were the only people driving a car themselves.
Elementaal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when you pooped in an airplane, it dropped from the sky to the ground.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a terrible fear when I was around 8 or 9 that if I dove off the high dive at the local pool, my eyeballs might fall out. Thinking back I must have been justifying the normal fear of jumping from a height with something exaggerated.
Ravenseyestudios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad convinced me that Marsh mellows were rabbit turds. He has always been a "Don't eat candy its bad for your teeth dad." Me and my brothers and sisters never listened of course. One day I was eating marshmallows my mom picked up for our hot coco. When my dad came into the kitchen to sit down next to me. He started out with a very "I cant believe your eating those statement" My 6 year old mind of course responded with "Why? There good. Sugar dad. Duh." He continued to go forward. To give me a whole story about how people capture bunnies and put them in factory's where they process them to poop out marshmallows." In the end he convinced me that I was eating shit. As an adult I appreciate that now. But as a kid I for years believed marshmallows were rabbit turds.
Mailmn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 5-6 I legitimately thought that it rained every single night because when I would go outside in the morning I would see the dew on the plants and water spots from the sprinklers.
PreHeatedWeasel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For the longest time as a child I thought as I got older my parents got younger until we had basically reversed positions.
SSGKING ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That bees are the root of all evil. IF WE KILL THEM ALL EVIL WILL DISAPPEAR!
chcor70 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that the black market was an actual store with super cool shit in it. Fireworks? you can get those on the black market. WHY DONT WE GO THERE.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all languages were merely the dialects of my mother tongue.
Bootaykicker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents convinced me that when we went into a store at the mall they had a policy that there were no food or drinks allowed. When I got older I realized they made me believe that so that they'd never have to worry about their kid spilling shit on merchandise that they'd have to pay for.
Mattlink123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I could dig to the center of the earth if I dug enough. I pissed my mom off by making a 2 foot deep hole.
mattlneild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was about 15 I thought abortion was the main form of birth control
Anbu_Leo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I left the refrigerator door open, then my whole house would be frozen like in Spongebob.
robchiapet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I burped and farted simultaneously, I'd implode.
sprkleyes420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when you got married, you got a new social security number.
derpSlurp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Before you start a game of Solitaire, make a wish. If you win the game, your wish will come true.
The first time I won and the wish didn't come true, my child brain made the logical conclusion that you only get one chance for each wish (or, you can't just repeat the wish until you win). After that failed, I'd find other ways to excuse the failed wishes like I didn't shuffle the cards properly or there was a certain time of day wishes would be granted and I kept missing it.
soulman_grungy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that cow licks were caused by cows sneaking into my house and licking my head. Thanks dad.
OkArmordillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The people dressed as disney characters were actually disney characters. I think that's a common one though.
coleosis1414 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the weatherman controlled the weather, rather than just predicting it.
I regularly saw a man on the TV waving his hands around at a big map, and he would conjure rain clouds out of nothing and wave them around in different directions. Thus, I thought he made the weather.
My dad planned on taking me on a camping trip one weekend when I was really little (like 4), and when it got rained out I was convinced it was all the weatherman's fault. I was in angry, indignant little tears. Why couldn't the weatherman understand that when he used his powers irresponsibly, he ruined camping trips for dads and their sons?
That was when my parents explained to me (trying not to laugh) the reality of the situation.
UnKnown_potato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly believed that girls had penises as well. I keep believing that til i was like 15. This the reason that I have a fetish for futanari. Oh and I though my ball sack held my urine.
Bacca_Bacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
White milk came from black and white cows, chocolate milk from brown cows. And strawberry milk from pink cows.
NightoftheStormrider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When it would rain or snow I believed that it would be same weather all over the world.
CountHonorius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beyond the moon and the stars above there was a huge cloud and castle, like in Jack in the Beanstalk. I must've been four years old.
MagicFanatics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sex was what I now know is french kissing
Buck979 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my parents never went to sleep. I would always go to sleep before them and when I woke up they were up too.
karpa42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That trains fly. On my first train ride I totally cramped up and held onto the chair and when asked why I did that I asked back: 'Why didn't we take off yet?' (I was really young)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always though that my mother and father would always be there for me. When my father ended up in the hospital I did nothing but cry and no one, and I mean no one could console me on the status of my dad (watching a bunch of dramas with my parents where someone ended up dying in the hospital didn't help much either.)
dustwetsuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Untill an age I'm not proud enough to admit, I believed oral sex was just talking dirty.
This happened in the whole Clinton-Lewinsky era. I was young, but still...
FuffyKitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a penis looked like actual balls in graduated sizes attached to each other. My mom caught me drawing one and asked suspiciously what it was and I lied.
Thanks btw, mom, for not explaining anatomy AT ALL.
RelaxedBurrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that a "Fire Drill" at school meant that there was a group of people that came to the school and started using a drill which would cause a fire. The Fire Department would work with them to make sure the test was a success.
Looking back at it now, I guess it makes sense but I took the term Fire Drill to the absolute literal sense.
chaosmech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that when you ate food, it fell down to your feet.
Then when you'd eaten enough, it filled up to the top of your legs so you could poop. At which point it emptied to the point where you couldn't poop anymore.
Hhe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds silly now that I type it, but when I was little I honestly believed that everyone's skin color was black and white, then one day everyone got colored.
WineWithJesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I used to think the sound of a crow was a giraffe. I have no idea why.
toiletpaperexpert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was told if I ate the black watermelon seeds I would turn into a black person, white bread stays in your stomach for two weeks, and blood is really blue.
Source: Grew up in Florida
I_eat_and_lift ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was deathly afraid of vampires as a small child (4 or 5) and in order to protect myself from their vampire bites (because they only attacked at night?) I would pull the covers over my neck, because logic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It makes sense. Theyre always shown as drinking from your neck and they cant be out in daylight
gustogus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That adults that ran the world had this great plan for why everything worked the way it did and if I saw something stupid it was obviously because I didn't fully understand the full design of why it was implemented that way.
Guarnerian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my mom kept telling me to not play near the front door in the winter because there was a giraffe.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
mybubbas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's terrible. The slapping part, I mean.
penguinpaige ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That clouds were solid and during storms thunder was the noise of the cloud-rocks tumbling over each other.
ThatOneLegion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad always told me that the foam at the bottom of waterfalls was where they got whipped cream from.
HogwartsHussy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Quicksand. I don't remember why it was an issue but I clearly recall being warned of the serious danger of quicksand as a child and to avoid it at all costs. I'm 38.....shockingly, quicksand has not once been an issue I've had to deal with.
othybear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In fourth grade, my teacher was talking about presidents. She mentioned that Nixon left the presidency because of the Watergate scandal. But she didn't explain what Watergate was. I went home that day and explained to my parents that Nixon had to resign because he wouldn't let the gates of the dams open and people were dying of dehydration.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed my life was constantly being filmed for a Japanese reality/gameshow. I was convinced it was night there whenever it was day here, so anything I did during the day would be broadcast there while I was sleeping. It made me constantly strive to be more interesting and take more risks
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that sheets of paper were just wood shaved really, really thin.
kodiakchrome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think there were stoplights in the sky for airplanes.
Velocirexisaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that eventually I would get older than my big brother, and then I'd get the big brother privileges.
The10thGhost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that when someone died in a movie, they were really dead. Like they sacrificed themselves.
AceEntrepreneur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I assumed that, along with a break pedal and gas pedal, all cars had a reverse pedal. Whenever I saw a car reverse in a video game, it was all instantaneous, so a reverse pedal just seemed logical to me.
FamousBump3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought they captured dolphins from the ocean to fill up water towers. I thought teams of dolphin wranglers would capture dolphins and then squeeze them until water came out of their blowholes. I'm not sure what lead me to believe that.
brokenchairleg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a test.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember learning about civil rights in elementary school. I saw African Americans as the good guys, and white peoples as the bad guys for obstructing their rights. I told everyone I was black because I thought I was a good person despite being a white girl.
gingangguli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That those little hairs on my arms ang legs are proof that I will grow up to be an ape. I already dreaded the day that my mom will have to drop me off at the local zoo because I'm no longer human
Luminaria19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pregnancy "just happens" to women who are in a relationship.
I swore I'd never date or get married because of it.
njdeatheater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I looked into the sun/bright lights, it was like training my vision to be stronger. Now at 27, I'm blind as shit. Anything further than an arms length away is blurry. Lol.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents told me at a super young age that vacuums would explode if you ran over the cord. I believed that shit for fucking years.
PM_ME_IMSAD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad convinced me that the plural form of Moose was Meese just like Mouse and Mice....
Overpricefridge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I sat on the sofa for to long I would litterly turn to goooo, because you gotta balance food and activity, working together, that's body electricity
QuaereVerumm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought if people got married, they had to have kids. Like it was a law that you had to have kids once you were married.
logicallucy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought sex lasted ALL night.
Geniifarmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little my mom would tape lollipops to this cluster of small trees in our backyard and have us kids go pick them. We named it the lollipop tree. I actually thought lollipops grew on trees until waaay too late, like around 12 years old when I asserted to my classmates that we had one. The shame was palpable.
markko79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If lightning struck close enough, it would come in the window and kill me.
capcalhoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't pronounce/remember the word "cartoon" when I was real young so I just said "toys" and pointed to the tv screen because I just thought cartoons were toys I could watch play without my involvement.
the_void__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that a wookie was an adult ewok.
Vladimus44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought cats and dogs were the same animal. Cats were the females and dogs were the males. That's the reason I always thought dogs would chase cats... Made sense to me.
NESoteric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 7 or 8, after hearing that my mom had her tubes tied after I was born, I assumed that women's tubes were untied, and men's tubes WERE tied and that's why they couldn't have babies. I understood that men had penises and women didn't, but, thanks to TV, I had heard about sex change operations, so I assumed that men who became women got their tubes untied as part of the sex change.
When I asked my mom about it, she told me that's not how it works, and that men can't become women. Jokes on her though, I'm a girl now haha!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once thought that the Ice Cream Man in my neighborhood was the ice cream man for the whole world. This led to a lot of confusion whenever I saw a movie or cartoon with an ice cream truck.
Wombinatar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The ground was lava.
turbocherry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chocolate milk came from brown cows
Buck_Thunderpumper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the first grade my teacher asked us to draw four things that we were afraid of. She sat down with me and told me my fear of the earth splitting in half and dinosaurs coming out of the lava in the center of the earth was ridiculous because dinosaurs weren't real. That was my only year at a Christian school.
Munkles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if i put on enough blankets while I slept the psycho who was going to bust into my room and stab me while I slept wouldnt be able to pierce the blanket shield and thus me.
markko79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nurse here. The number of men and boys who think their testicles contract during ejaculation is higher that I expected.
McDoThis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Before going away for the weekend or away on vacation my dad would always turn off the water to the house. I always thought it was because he was afraid of the Stick Bandits from Home Alone flooding the house after being robbed. Turns out he just didn't want the house flooding due to a potential pipe leak. Ha
passion4film ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, and I saw the sign that said "Pedestrian Crossing," I thought that certain people were born "drivers" and certain people were born "pedestrians." We were a driver family, and I would look at the pedestrians and feel sorry for them.
Also: http://iusedtobelieve.com/
ashesarise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 10 I thought God was time. Parents talked about how God was everywhere and always existed. They also went on about how our human minds couldn't comprehend God's grandness. At the time, I was (I guess I still am) confused about how time worked. I wondered "How can we exist here and now if time went infinitely backwards". I ended up putting the 2 together, and thought God was everywhere radiating time or something lol. That stuck for years.
Mike_Litoris_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That poop tasted like chocolate and pee tasted like pineapple juice..
aidenandjake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom was showing me old pictures when I was a kid. She pointed to herself in one and said "that dress was such a beautiful shade of (whatever the heck color she said)". In that moment I realized that there existed color back then and it was just the pictures in B&W. I said nothing as my false assumption suddenly seemed ridiculous.
PM_ME_YOUR_CLAVICLES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Babies were found, not born. In bushes, garbage bins, cars... anywhere if you looked hard enough.
ItsMinnieYall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought stop drop and roll was going to be a part of daily life as an adult. People would catch on fire and roll to the ground several times a week. Elementary school made it seem like such a common problem.
cKeng ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That eating sand would make me grow big muscles.... Ate a shit ton of sand because of it.
AarBearRAWR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that "humping" was when grown ups bumped their butts together.
Dubaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once believed that the inner part of a trombone slide moved with the outer part, so that when the slide was all the way in you would be deep throatting the instrament. I also thought that the highway was just one giant road that stretched all around the world, but I couldn't figure out how they got it across oceans.
Adkgirl85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that little mice worked in traffic lights and they were running around shining light bulbs in the glass to change the lights. They travelled along the wires and down the poles everyday to do their "shift changes".
pm_ur_wifes_nudes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That islands just floated around. Imagine a turnip, the root is in the sea with the leaves top above the sea, and for some reason it doesn't move.
captainNematode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't really raised in any particular religious tradition, but I still picked things up here and there. When I was really young I thought that making the sign of the cross and earnestly beseeching any powers that be would lead to divine intervention in proportion to the strength of your request and what you were willing to sacrifice to have it granted. When my dad died when I was eight, I spent many of the following nights fervently crossing myself and crying, pledging to give up various things I held dear. Suffice it to say, he did not miraculously resurrect. :[
0rlando_95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think you could grow up into an animal/dinosaur
nelfoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought scorpions were the size of a dog
prettyfish13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed babies were born out of the mother's belly button. I got in a huge argument with my little friend, who insisted they came out from a woman's vagina, which of course was just ridiculous. My mom settled the matter however O_o,
bannocknsaltpork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that balogna was horsemeat
jackdontletmego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think chewing was done on the right side of the mouth, and swallowing was done on the left side. It took a long time to understand that they were different.
Also my dad convinced me that I was part Sherpa, and that it wasnt "in my blood" to be afraid of heights.
thescariestroom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think all audio books were read by Stephen Fry.
CaptainToodleButt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be so prejudiced as a kid (however i managed to contain it all inside my head) and I thought the disabled kids in my school were contagious.
Like it was just because they smelled funky because the special ed room always smelled like old people which is why I held my breath when one of them walked past me.
JimCareyFromTheMask ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When your limbs fall asleep and get that tingling feeling. I thought that was because the spider I ate when I was 4 years old was still crawling around inside me. I thought this until I was 11.
brennanreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my father's job was literally making money. I thought this because when I asked him what he did all day thats what he said.
AvisArgentea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought if you drink water, then go to the bathroom, you would lose the water
Omfg_My_Name_Wont_Fi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everyone was a robot. I'm still convinced this is the case.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when airline lost your luggage, it fell out of the plane mid flight.
StandupGaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if you took medicine for a disease you didn't have it would give you that disease.
PlatinumPlayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chicken nuggets were actually baby chicks.
Dr_Eastman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my town had a man named Sidewinder that your parents/babysitter could call and kill you if you misbehaved.
JaiMatter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older sister used to think that the water towers were where all the college classes were held. You know, like those tall towers with a massive sphere at the top? Yeah, those ones.
Pusher_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought masturbation was pooping
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you ever tell ur parents you had to masturbate?
YogiBlair88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The olden days were actually in black and white (not just in the movies).
If you swallowed a pip from an apple, an apple tree will grow inside you
OneTightHobo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God
Rusianrulet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought ordering meat not well done was a sin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That your stomach had individual little slots for all the different kids of food. Like a "pizza" spot, a "mac and cheese" spot where it went to be digested.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We used to frequent the mall a lot. My mom nearly always parked on the ground level so we'd go through the first floor exit. Well, one particular day we were going towards the exit and I quickly realized we were still on the second floor.
My heart was racing, I was panicking, thinking we're heading toward the second floor exit and were subsequently going to fall straight down one story as soon as we set foot outside.
Then I idealized some sort of "ride" that was designed to float you down to the ground and was eager to exit this way.
To my great disappointment the mall turned out to be on an incline, there was no ride, and all my childhood ideas were stupid.
tkdyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I assumed if you only had white Christmas lights that meant you were poor. I guess colorful meant rich to me as a kid
NavigatesOverStuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I could write the title of a show on the label of a VHS tape and it would somehow magically be on the tape. Didn't actually try to play any of them until after I labelled all of my parents' blank tapes with Smurfs, He-Man, and Snoopy scribbles.
Mentalpatient87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was really little I somehow got it in my head that AIDS was a disease that made you gay.
muffintaupe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandfather invented the combination of cookies and milk. I thought he was really popular because all the kids at school used his method during snack time.
JabberwockyDingDong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Native Americans used every part of the buffalo. Native Americans scalped settlers. Therefore, Native Americans must eat peoples hair. I vaguely remember sitting in the tree house trying to chew on my brother's hair when he was my "cowboy prisoner."
dabMasterYoda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still have this belief, I can't flush the toilet before I shower, I believe it will somehow get mixed up in the pipes and come out the shower head the moment I step under the water.
ginger27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I stood in front of the microwave when it was on I would glow in the dark.
theh2oking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought God controlled the traffic lights.
They were timed too perfectly to be human design, and there were so many of them, only a supreme being could control them all at the same time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That god was real, that heaven was just passed the clouds, that I had to tell the priests about my sins. I was a very devout Catholic.
Drex711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the little eye cells, (floaters) you get bouncing around in your vision sometimes was some sort of DaVinci Code and I was some special being....until I was like 13....lol
akradiogirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that a tiny man lived in a laboratory on the top of my head. He would brew potions and pour them into one of two holes on top of my head that led to my brain. Whatever he created, and which of the two holes he used, would determine if I had a good day or a bad day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the electric guitar was created by and for Kenny Loggins in 1985 -
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Life was literally black and white before I was born.
PatAndPikachu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother told me that driving down the freeway with your window open was illegal...
seesha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Piglet from Winnie the Pooh was an armadillo (I guess because of the striped sweater). I didn't catch on that it was a pig until I was an adult. I never understood why an armadillo was named Piglet.
ThePatridiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A good friend of mine thought the ice age was an era of human developement where humans build their tools, houses, weapons etc. out of ice.
Fellwarre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you pull a banana out of its peel the right way, at the very bottom of the inside of a banana peel, there's a little stem. My brother told me (convinced me) that it was a worm that lives in all bananas, and if I accidentally pulled it out with the banana and ate it, worms would grow in my stomach. To this day, I pinch off the bottom of every banana I eat, and don't eat the last, like, centimeter of banana.
silverfoxcwb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister told me that if I pushed the garage door opener in the car when we weren't near the house that the grass would grow up and take me away as its prisoner. I believed it for years until I got the courage to push it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 5 no one told me that the shorthand for "pounds" is "lbs." So when I read on the scale that I weighed "65 lbs" I would tell people I weighed "65 lil-li-bees." No one corrected me until a teacher in 1st grade basically pulled me aside and asked what the fuck I was talking about.
portrigged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger my mother and all her friends had acrylic nails. I thought all adult women grew these hard thick nails at some point. I have really soft nails that never hold polish so I was pretty stoked to be able to have fancy patterns and such. My mom says that I asked her one day when my adult nails would grow in and she looked at me like I had ten heads.
Sparkly_Pegasusss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandfather had a mole removed from the middle of his forehead. It left a pretty obvious scar. I used to ask him where he got the scar from and he would tell me "I got shot in the head back when I was a cop." My little kid brain didn't realize that people don't usually live after being shot in the head. Even worse, I believed this to be true until I was 13 and actually thought about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I ever heard of death was when the Queen's mother died. The news reports said she was just short of her 102nd birthday and that they were surprised.
I took this that everyone died at 101/102 years old and so I used to freak out that I had 97 years left to live.
I also have vivid memories of counting the years until my school teachers died if they put me in time out.
hughra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dogs mouths are actually clean. Believed it up until I started working at a pet company. Dog mouths are not clean. Nor do they recycle.
IgnoreAntsOfficial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I heard and knew about jets breaking the sound barrier, so I thought that when Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier he hit the ball so fast it was in black & white for a moment because it was going faster than the speed of color.
milkcustard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sitcoms and TV show sets were real places. I really wanted to go to Bayside High. :(
Dreamcast3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that the sun set at a gas station near my house. Every time we drive by it I would think "that's where the sun goes every night"
system637 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus is my lord and savior.
ultimate_being ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
when I was 3 years old I didn't want to turn 4 because I thought I would instantly become fat. everyone had been telling me I was getting so big so I decided that skipping to being 5 years old was the best course of action.
thebly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea why, but I thought that, when the air conditioning came on at night, a bunch of tiny witches were going to fly out from underneath my bed - only at the foot of my bed, mind you - and attack me. Naturally, the only protection was to hide under the blanket. So yeah, I would pretty much lie there, comfortably, until the A/C kicked on (which wasn't even that loud, it's not like it was a window unit or anything), then I'd snatch my covers up, heart pounding, sure that they'd get me this time, until the A/C turned off.
MindofKB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 5 (in 1991), I was obsessed with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and believed they were real. The school counselor thought I had problems at home because I would spend a few recesses per week standing over the sewer chatting with them.
AHotCamelsSister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that I would be catching on fire a lot more than I actually am.
PackTheRipper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was certain that there were invisible sharks in the deep end of my uncles pool.
Windwalkr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother is a very very tan women with Black hair. When I was 5 I told all my friends that I was mixed because I assumed she wasn't white. I was also the most pale kid I've ever seen.
Icaughtaballoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined that the soul was an actual part of you. Just floating around somewhere in between the muscles and bones.
Sockscake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That thoroughly making myself believe something would happen would make it not happen. It fucking worked.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought pregnancy occurred naturally in women. Like, you just grow a baby inside of you once you hit a certain age.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the river Thames in London was pronounced how it was spelt, not Temz.
ImJustaBagofHammers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that The Land Before Time took place in a toilet. My fucking dad...
Hanssssolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That you birthed babies out of your belly button.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know two people could have a birthday at the same time. I figured since I had never seen it, it doesn't exist.
LarsonBoswell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swallowing a fruit seed such as an orange or watermelon seed meant it was going to grow inside my stomach until I exploded. Kids are stupid.
on-second-thought ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was 100% sure as a kid for a time that black and white cows gave white milk and brown and white cows gave chocolate milk. No one told me that and I didn't see it on TV or anything, I just remember sitting in the back seat driving through the countryside past some farms and thinking that was logical.
Mystery_Bass_janitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought sitting on eggs would hatch them.
Gonzalez8448 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think a fart was some shit exploding inside your arse.
Unkle_KoKo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everything was black and white when my dad was a kid, until they invented color of course.
A_Dunyain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That by blinking my eyes really fast, I slowed down time.
thedreamlan6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but my brother thought that the city we lived in, "Orlando" = "Our Lando". So the city always had a different subject depending on the context: My Lando, Your Lando, Our Family's Lando, etc.
tssmith1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that it was possible to get flushed down the toilet. Like sucked in because the pressure was so strong.
Then again, my older sister told us we had a middle sibling who died before I was born because she got flushed down the toilet. So that fear might have been instilled in me from that.
John_Barlycorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have an uncanny knack for remembering my childhood so I have a few:
When I took my first Spanish/French classes in middle school, I was shocked to learn they used the same Alphabet that we did. I had always assumed their letters and numbers would just look like symbols to me.
I thought "lmnop" from the alphabet song was 1 letter.
I thought "50 bucks" meant 50 deer.
I thought girls were gross.
dgd5014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I saw James Bond movies as a 7/8 year old I thought all the people he killed in the movie were actually being killed. I thought they were just people who wanted to be in the movie so bad they were willing to die for it. I wondered how they were compensated...maybe their family would get paid a lot of money? Also, they must be really brave and committed to get the take right on the first try. I wondered if they had backups in case the scene didn't turn out right.
I_Raptus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That Chuck Norris didn't exist.
1of100s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young I thought that Bohemian Rhapsody was a Christmas song
Lemminsky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have frequently heard the phrase "race to the white house" on TV. Therefore my young mind was convinced that the candidates were actually running from somewhere to the white house.
No, I was not a bright child.
djbootybutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in God
ForTheText ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I convinced myself that if I sat in a corner and closed my eyes, I would become invisible until I opened them again.
AyyOfLmao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think if you were allergic to something and had an allergic reaction to that thing, you would transform into something (Example- Getting an allergic reaction from a peanut would turn you into a puppy, etc.)
I was so frustrated as a kid I didn't have any allergies
MisterB3an ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that sons came out of fathers and daughters came out of mothers. I also thought that everything had feelings, which is why I liked picking up litter so it wouldn't be lonely.
SenatorChuckSchumer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The black lines at the bottom of swimming pools were camouflage for alligators.
She_Likes_Cloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That with enough practice, I could develop abilities like those in DBZ.
working4aliving ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I come from a very country speaking family. My grandpa had a farm and one of the back fields had an electric tower so it was called the tower field. I was 5 years old and they pronounced it tire field so 5 year old me thought it was a field full of tires. I was probably 15 before I realized that they were just really country and pronounced tower tire and there was no field full of tires.
zzth22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could make it into the Salty Spitoon
youlikeupvotebrah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everyone had the same amount of life experience. As in, a baby that passes shortly after child birth would experience their life really slowely and someone who lived 100 years would experience their life very quickly so that in the end both the baby and the old-timer would have the same amount of life experience. It's hard to describe. I was a weird kid.
Send_butt_pics_guys_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that once you turn 100 you automatically die. You can't die before you turn 100. You die right at 100.
nc61 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I slept next to a window, so I thought it was a possibility that pirates were going to open the window and kidnap me. In my head I pictured the pirate ship on a boat trailer driving down the street. I tried to rationalize the fear away like 'surely if the police saw pirates travelling down the street they would pull them over.'
daffft_lad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That once I was deemed an adult I would be included in a massive secret only grown ups knew.
Falkaane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw my sister on the toilet, and therefore, saw her girl parts. It looked like a butt, so I thought girls also had a winkie like me, but it was switched with their butt, which is why they sat down to pee.
superbalistic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That you can get pregnant by just kissing.
StaySwoleMrshmllwMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That women had dicks too.
HoodedStranger90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've shared this story before, but I used to think there were "real clowns." I knew there were fake ones too, but it was kind of like mall Santas in that most of the ones you came across were just "helpers" but some were also the real thing...
ApplejacksAndBoners ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The tooth fairy. I remember sharing a room with my older brother and we were up one weekend just bullshitting. I put my tooth underneath my pillow and would constantly check back to see if it changed into a dollar. And it did... Which was what fucked me up. I don't know how my parents did it but they must have splinter cell'd it and like crawled underneath my bed and did a hot swap. But for a long time, I believed in the tooth fairy. Like seriously.
Hilluf_Shovel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dammit I'm late to this one.
My childhood belief was that whatever weather was happening around me was happening all over the world. So if it was snowing or rainy by me, then it must be snowing or raining everywhere else. Can't explain why I believed this, only that it made perfect sense to me at the time.
yovalter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought cats and dogs mated, the dog being male and the cat being female.
TTBHoneyBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda gross but, whatever. So I never got the "birds-and-the-bees" talk so I pretty much had to figure sex out on my own growing up. Thankfully, my mom subscribed to Cosmopolitan and this was long before I knew about porn so back then Cosmo was a big deal to me and I learned enough about sex by perusing the pages. So while I had a general idea of what happened, like I knew the man sticks this in there and whatever, I wasn't sure about how a baby came to be so I kinda figured it out for myself.
I knew, based on what I had seen in books and the like, babies begin life in a ball (egg) and from there transform into a human once enough XP has been gained. What I didn't know, was how in the world that ball came to exist inside the woman. Then it hit me: My penis is a cannon! I can still remember being so perplexed by the notion that this is what must happen. It all just made so much sense. The man sticks his penis in the woman and shoots out one of his balls into her and from there a baby is born. I can remember my biggest concern being whether or not the balls would regenerate or if you could only have the 2 and that was that. I also imagined it was probably a pretty painful process. Thankfully I was wrong.
TRex_N_Truex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can fill a VHS tape up with my favorite things just by writing on the lable. We have a bunch of blank tapes from from 25 years ago that just say trucks or football on them.
Genuine-User ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My son thinks I'm getting mail from my first class at school. First Class Mail.
Bruno2532 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So when I was 5 I went to my brothers room quite often. He had a bad habit of plucking feathers out of his pillows so his room was full of feathers. Thanks to my imagination I somehow figured that it was all my fault and t hat feathers are falling of my head. I was afraid my room would end up the same as his so I started wearing a winter hat while sleeping. I'd cry when my mom took it away.
IAM_deleted_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That couples would get pregnant with a single kiss, nothing else, just one kiss and bam! your pregnant!
jv77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think the driver controlled the breaks in a car, and that it just automatically stopped at stop signs and lights .
OmnicronEternal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That it could only rain at night. I don't know why I thought that, but I remember being incredibly shocked the first time I saw rain during the day.
bioreactor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I thought I would be able to trivialize life's problems, oh how wrong I was
greenlentils ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my Scottish Grandpa was the cousin of Napoleon. He had a big copy of this painting that he had painted, hung in his dining room. He liked to just throw random lies at me I guess, to see what stuck.
EnterQuery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I had to do every task equally with both halves of my body (hands, feet, ...) or I would grow crooked. This lasted a decent time, up to few weeks in to learning to write. Then I just didn't have the patience for it anymore.
cookie-14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In one of our shitty newspapers there was a story that in year 2000 aliens will invade Earth. But it was really detailed with a photo of an alien. Not like any other stories I read.
So for around 3 or 4 years I was scared of 1st January 2000.
cainawkami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the world was once black an white, and one day just switched to color. I asked my grandma about the color change too. I reasoned that because tv shows and movies were once black and white that the whole world was.
FKowalski23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Before I knew that boys had penises, I somehow heard that rape had to do with just "sticking something" up a girls vagina and the woman would somehow get hurt. So I just decided that the thing was a knife and I was horrified for literally years that many people experienced this in their lifetime and why it was so common.
Fortembras88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You knew about rape before you knew penises existed?
FKowalski23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:51 on May 23, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never thought of that but I guess so. I feel like this now makes it double fucked up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I posted this elsewhere the other day, but it works here, too...
I've had size 4 feet since I was about 10 years old. I genuinely used to worry that if I kept getting taller, but my feet remained the same size, I'd end up 'top heavy' and would constantly topple over and would be stuck indoors, sat down forever. It got to the point where I'd end up seriously overthinking it and would just freak myself out about it. I didn't have time to think if anything other people were telling me was legit or not because what about my feet!?
I miss the days where that was the most pressing thing going on in my mind.
Luneytunes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup.
ChewMango ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So when I was younger I used to believe that whole 'swear on your life' thing was serious, and for some reason I used to think that if I swore on my life that I didn't do something, but I did, that I'd end up being smited from above or something. It got to the point where my brother used it against me to see if I was lying, if I was he would just say 'you swear on your life' as a statement, so it's like he's saying it for me. Ughhhh
Kogknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I wasn't really a religious kid, but I had this belief that all humans were connected via their genetics. That, even though my life is insignificant, I am the bearer of a precious genetic payload. Information so rare that it is found nowhere else in the universe. This bound not just me, but all humans, alive, deceased and yet-to-be, together in one shared mission and goal.
Even if I died, as long as I had a child and passed on my payload, that I would be forever alive in the genetic code of humans thousands of years from now.
Then I realized that humans only have something like a 1% variance from human to human and my great grandchildren would only have about 12.5% of 1% of my specific genetics, baring incest.
So even though I do carry that payload, even if I pass it on, it won't be a significant part of my descendants genetic make up after 3-4 generations.
Sir_Whale_Man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party? I thought until I was about 8 years old that the entire fucking universe didn't exist before I was born. I thought about it in the same way as the "Last Thursday" theory. You just couldn't prove me wrong.
Once the science hit me I felt stupid as hell.
TADodger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I initially thought people bought and sold jobs. So, if you were working as a mailman and wanted to become a butcher, you'd sell your job as a mailman and have to pay to be a butcher.
matts77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a child I thought the water from the shower came from lakes, and whenever you turned the nob to change the temperature, the water came from a different lake
e_lizz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the most important part of a marriage was the wedding rings, i.e. if a person took off their wedding ring for whatever reason, their wife/husband would be very upset and they'd have to get married again. I have no idea where I got this idea from, since my parents didn't live together and my relatives who were married didn't wear wedding bands.
drFunkenstagne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You grow continously as you age and you'll be a giant when you are 100 years old
Mewmaster101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
probably a bit late, but whatever. I had CONVINCED myself as a kid that when 2000 rolled around, we would all wake up with long white beards. When i woke up on new years i felt below my chin for a beard....I was not a smart kid
I also, thought you would get pregnant by kissing.
terretsforever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So... I may or may not have thought that Napoleon rediscovered the written language, after it was lost after ancient Egypt fucked off. I wasn't entirely sure when Napoleon existed, but I was fairly confident it was ages ago, & I knew he discovered the Rosetta Stone. According to the commercials, Rosetta Stone is software to teach you languages, I figured it was a rediscovery of the concept of written language.
I thought this shit until I was in my 20's. Fucking horrible.
nateonsideways ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not so much ridiculous in itself, but the reason for it was ridiculous on my brothers part...
I have bumpy birth marks on my skin. When I was little older I learned that they were harmless and just birth marks. When I was younger my brother told me they were cancer, so I thought I was going to die. I don't think he quite understood what cancer was and never told me I was going to die, but I didn't have to learn much to think that I wasn't long for the world.
tunasandwiches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Blowing the stop light will change it from red to green..
My brother was a jerk.
somethingsomething86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think babies were made when a married couple kissed... My dad would come home from work and try to give my mother a kiss and I'd run in between them like my life was at stake.. Pregnant bellies weirded me out and babies bothered me... I tried to be birth control for my parents
CrispyTech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm colorblind so I thought Asians were green until I went to secondary school and was told otherwise.
PunkestRock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religion.
Tirave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok I don't know how he did it or what sort of black magic he used, but my dad made me belive that I only had 4 fingers on my right hand. And only when he counted. I don't know what he did I don't even remember I just remember believing that I had 4 fingers even though I counted 5.
yeadoge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought if I was in a plane that was about to crash, I could just jump up at the last minute and I would land softly on the ground.
Yo_2T ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed Victoria's Secret was owned by Victoria Beckham. In my defense she was the only person I knew with that name.
macababy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leicester could win the league
voksul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be afraid to push the little knobs on the plastic lids of cups, because I believed they would change the flavor of my drink.
jeff_the_nurse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that adulting would be pretty fun.
cassowarycolors ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously, the red ring around the bologna was edible.
bryanisbored ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For a while i really thought the world used to be black i white in the 60s and before until they figured out color.
matthiasbeoulve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone told me (probably in a hymn) that Jesus Christ died for my sins by "being nailed to a tree."
I became convinced that the big oak tree in our backyard was the tree they were talking about. I was pretty freaked out that someone died on it.
Additionally, also Christ-related, because the crucifix was my first conscious image of death, I thought that's just what death looks like. So when we played cops and robbers or whatever, whenever I got shot, I would lay down and get in a crucifix position.
I was a weird kid.
ShadowedZephyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If i held A+B+both bumpers on my game boy that the catch rate for my pokeballs went up at least 3000%
CmdrSpicyllama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought nuclear power plants were cloud generators
Jduc93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That God exists
Fuzzyphilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After pondering the problem a bit I came up with the solution that God had inserted the souls into my stuffed animals just as they were completed in the factory that I somehow knew made them. I didn't imagine that for the ones my Grandmother sewed for us, but I child Fuzzyphilosopher thought they may have got their souls earlier.
Also Blue Racer snakes could go as fast as 100 mph and would chase me. Mom didn't understand when we raced into the house out of breath and slammed the door shut.
Terraformation1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grow up. Like everyone lied to me.
ThePaperSolent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would grow up, marry a beautiful lady, and have lots of kids.
WELL FUCK YOU TO UNIVERCE
emtemt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good grades get you far
Serialtoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religion
tylerjo1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That people actually gave a shit about what I had to say...
ilikebizkits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leaving the fridge open kills pandas.
Applespicier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought that grilled cheese was gorilla cheese
Magicalgirloverdrive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I looked at my junk in the mirror and concluded the 3 holes I have where for peeing, pooping, and farting.
barkingbullfrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid, I thought everyone had their travel plotted on a map. I never wanted my map to be twisted and confused, so if i twisted around one way, I'd twist around the other way, too. I had to unwind the twist, like it was a phone cord.
Amusingly, as an adult, I have my travel plotted on a map by Google down to an accuracy of a few feet yet couldn't care how wonky that map looks.
stane_malovrh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i believed that what they teach me in school was actually true :-) crazy i know. Way way later on in life if found out that they only programed me how to be obedient slave.
LoneStarTwinkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I take after my dad's side of the family, and this was much-discussed. Therefore until I was well into middle school, even as I grew boobs and all normal girly stuff happened in my life, I waited to grow chest hair and a beard like Dad. Then I found out MOST women have neither. Then I got pregnant this year and learned shit happens. I really hope my preggo beard goes away...
ChrisMusix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe I could blow up the planet by planting a high yield nuclear fusion device near the Earth's core.
Wuh? Kids gotta have a hobby...
boredMartian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents didn't like me eating instant noodles so naturally they made a 5 year old believe that eating instant noodles will wreck your brain development.
ifv6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My uncle told me the ball drop on new years was covered in spikes and smashed the people as a sort of sacrifice for the new year.
Zeppelinman1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:52 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Eleanor roosevelt was black. She looked really dark in the pictures in my history book, and i just never really thought it was that weird. It wasnt until barack obama was elected that i realized my mistake.
VertexParadox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that someone sat and watched cameras at automatic urinals. That's why they always flushed when you were done. I even went so far as to try to stay out of the way of the "camera" so they couldn't see me.
I also thought that clothes slowly got smaller when you wore them. That's why they got too small to wear.
JB1549 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my blind grandma wasn't blind because she still had eyes.
portedelacavee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad has a scar on his leg. You can see the cut and where the stitches were. He said he got it playing football in high school... I literally thought the football hit his leg so hard, it left the imprint of the laces on his skin for 30 years.
It wasn't until I was over the age of 15 that I realized that's not how it happened.
Extra-Extra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that it got dark because all the clouds came in and blocked the sun.
TGiFallen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That all Jews were black.
dMarrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Farts were for just helping the poop along. I would try and hold mine until I needed to shit. I think the fact that we have the slang "Sharts" proves I was on to something.
dMarrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MY dad and grandpa were uncircumcised. Me being cut I assumed my dad and gramps extra wrinkly skin, just meant that is what OLD DICK looks like.
CloudDigital ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Santa Claus workshop was at the North Pole but all the toys says it's made in China.
NinjaRat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here in NZ we have an ice cream called a Trumpet its essentially the same as a cornetto with solid choc in the base of the cone, anyway my cousin who is about 5 years older than me used to tell me when i was a kid that it was poisonous, so i should give the choc part to him. What a dick
dMarrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That by 2016 I would,for damned sure.. be pimping a flying car.
A_Redhead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the big rolls of hay bales in cow fields were 'cow cocoons.' When I would see some hanging around near the bales I'd think that they were waiting for the new cows to hatch.
dMarrs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when I was an adult I would be getting laid all of the time. Silly younger me..
MechWarriorNY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought people were decent.
I was so, so wrong.
MeretrixDeBabylone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried, but I thought women had blue urine thanks to tampon commercials using blue water to illustrate how absorbent their products were.
ReverendDS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't get to watch much television as a kid, nor was I allowed to watch very many movies (psychotic parents and being in a cult) so until I was roughly fourteen I always assumed that people who got killed in a movie or show were people that were already dying or had some terminal illness or were criminals that were given the option to play a character that was going to die.
It wasn't until I was no longer homeschooled and had friends I could visit that weren't in the same cult that I saw enough movies/shows to understand that they were all actors.
temporaldimension ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God
Superdan01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Britain was full of talking trains.
OriginalMann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if i get a toy from the commercial, the commercial would stop playing.
You wouldn't imagine the times that i lifted up the toy to the tv while the commercial was on. I just want to watch my fucking show.
SKG_117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That people could choose the amount of phone rings before a call was missed. I didn't understand why my parents didn't set it to 20 and never miss a call again...
Remi_Autor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I could be anything I wanted.
ButterFlamingo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
go to r/thingsibelievedasakid
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed my cat was my biological sister until I was 8 or 9.
ketchup-is-gross ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought feelings were little people that lived in your shoulders. Also that God was an African-American cab driver in New York City who was always smiling and wore sunglasses.
Aerixian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I knew that men made sperm and it had to go to the woman's vagina which I didn't really have a concept of the vagina, I just knew that it went into them at the groin area somewhere. The thing was, I thought married people sleep in the same bed in order for sperm to come out of the penis and make it's way to the woman in order to fertilize and make a child.
AuditU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 3rd grade I was over at my friend's house. Their next door neighbor had a large truck in the driveway with an Orca on the side of it. She told me they adopted a baby whale and were keeping it in their pool until it was old enough to go back into the wild. An Orca whale in a chlorine pool...seemed legit.
Next time I was at her house I asked if we could go see the whale and she laughed.
It was a truck for a landscaping company.
Mindlesssavage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You need to inflict more pain on your wounds to heal them.
wonderboyjohnny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom used to frequently drive to surrounding counties as part of her job, and she would often say, "I have to drive out to Egypt today", and I thought she was literally going to Egypt. I told my teacher and she wanted my mom to come speak about her travels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when you're asleep, you're awake in another weirder universw, and when you're awake youre asleep in that universe.
I later grew out of that and thought that when you sleep, you're dying. When you're awake youre just a clone of yourself
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that I was filled with grey powder and very tiny flames, and that if I was cut open, grey powder and fire would spill out of me.
Darkius968 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hurricane Katrina was the name of some really powerful person who killed many people, especially kids, mercilessly.
jonasbe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All dogs were male. All cats were female.
Octane ratings on gas pumps was the year the gas was made.
Exit only lane signs on the highway meant you could never get back on the highway in that area.
Smoking made you tan.
Bbypndabamboo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I got an erection it meant I had to pee.
datums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At some point between the ages of five and seven, I came across the concept of "brainwashing". I imagined it would involve a hose.
I also didn't understand why people were so concerned about youth in Asia. Then I learned about China's one child policy, and it all made sense.
That last one sounds like bullshit, but I'm not joking.
notgoodatbaseball666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in god as a child.
CookiesGalore4me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when you went to the dentist and they were numbing your mouth that when they said "You're going to feel a pinch" that they were actually pinching the nerves numb. It was years before I realized that it was a big ass shot.
ElectronicWanderlust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That earthquakes were caused by large King Kong sized McDonald's milkshakes stomping around angrily. No clue why I thought that, to be honest.
I also thought Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton were married because they did duets together. I'd get mad at Burt Reynolds for trying to get her to cheat on Kenny in all their movies (to kid me Lonnie Anderson = Dolly in a different wig)
kokabieljericho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think dogs were all boys and cats were girls and the dogs would chase cats to make babies.
drdugong727 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That our solar system and all solar systems were just atoms in a much larger universe (planets were electrons... suns were nuclei). The concept would be true for the atoms in our universe as well.
2barefeet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed cartoon characters were just people dressed up in costumes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when you die you'll be laying in your coffin forever just staring up at the wood not being able to breathe but your still alive? I know, I'm not sure either...
throawayforposting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember when I was about 3 and this TV I used to watch introduced a new character - it was a puppet. Well I took an instant dislike to this puppet and was SURE that he was somehow trying to hurt the host of the show. I decided to warn the host, it was up to me to stop this. So I pulled out a pencil and paper and started to write "Dear ~~
, ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~~ ~~" And then it occurred to me...I don't actually know how to write.pearl_drummr50 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would stay young forever. That for some reason I was special and laws (both legal and physical) didn't apply to me. Then BOOM! life comes in and karate chops you right in the throat.
ContractorConfusion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was about 5 or 6, in Key West FL camping in a tent with my parents. I was a bit away from the tent by myself, throwing rocks as far as I could into the ocean, and some random dude that was walking by told me to stop throwing rocks into the ocean, or you'll fill it up and the ocean will disappear.
I had a weird subconscious fear from then on, and never threw a rock into water again until I was an adult and realized he was just messing with me back then.
TooBadFucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It took me until I was around 9 or 10 before I learned that women don't have milk in their boobs all the time.
tandrewcampbell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought cartoons were performed by real people wearing costumes.
Lasercat1975 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my hair grew faster in the summer because the grass did.
MakeF7U12GreatAgain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you touched a girl's boob she would instantly get pregnant. I absolutely freaked out in middle school when I touched a girls boob my mistake, thought I got her pregnany. Even started to plan my life as being a teen a dad. When I went to my mom to come clean about it, she was angry at the beginning then confused then she cried from laughter when I explained to her .
indianaboozers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
not me but my girlfriend believed clouds were made from smoke coming out of factories
metalsloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the people who were eliminated on Survivor were actually murdered and you had to sign a contract agreeing that death was assured if you failed.
sonalogy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought cartoons were real, and were just filmed in a special place where everything looked like that.
I always wanted to know if I could visit, but I wasn't sure if it was possible, since I never saw non-cartoon people in cartoon-land.... though I did wonder if there was some sort of conversion process.
ptrgriff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That hospitals were government run, not private. I thought this because of sim city they were put in the government box, so it made sense. Also, for some weird reason I thought I peed out my belly button.
jam3zz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister told me that mountains were dinosaur poop and I believed her and also thought that meant dinosaurs were like thousands of feet tall. Jurassic Park made them seem puny.
sug1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I swallowed watermelon seeds, and drank water, watermelons would grow in my stomach.
Linkums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when I yawned and my ears went kinda funky, it might've been a super power.
That food and drink went down separate tubes when consumed.
That there may be a secret coming-of-age ritual that involved being dropped off in the middle of nowhere and needing to find my way back home.
yamato57 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pop rocks and soda means your stomach will explode like veruca in Charlie and the chocolate factory
dontkerrbare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought if you got lost at the mall they made you in to a mannequin, I told my younger sister this as well. She never left our parents side.
slothcosmonaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that the signs along the road which read "watch for falling rock" was referring to an Indian named "Chief Falling Rock"...thanks, Dad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
wimaine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well, for the ones that aren't reproductions, that's kinda true, isn't it?
ilostmyprayerhanky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Growing up around a ton of white people I assumed the majority of the world's population was white and that different races came from white people. So I also grew up fundamentalist and had just learned about the birds and the bees. My mind came up with this: Adam, to make all the races we have today, started experimenting with reproduction. One day he painted his dick yellow and did Eve immediately afterward. This is how I thought east Asians came about. And so on with different colors. So there you have it. This is why we have people with so many different skin tones according to little ilostmyprayerhanky's reasoning.
Professor_Porksword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger my brother told me that anyone can get pregnant, even boys. So for a long time I always kept my distance from people with the pregnancy.
datacruncher123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when the traffic got too bad the government would build another level of roads and have double decker highways
nikkidikki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a wart on my pinkie finger, I thought it was a sign that I was an extra-terrestrial being.
Edit: Thought of another one, I used to think small pieces of chickens were actually little tiny chickens
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well when I was around 7-9 years old I was scared of the Zelda majoras mask game. For some odd reason I thought the mask really took a kid and made him evil so I thought it would happen to me. Well my room has a giant window straight in front of my bed, and I'd refuse to sleep in my room because I thought at night the mask would break my window and get me. Needless to say I slept with my parents after that for about 3 months after until finally getting over it
Jake_from_Stallis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:10 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I touched my wee-wee too much it would fall off. Apparently I had my hands down my pants a lot as a child.
Every once in a while I still have a reoccurring nightmare in which my dick just falls off.
Thanks mom.
boast_thetoaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:15 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the fields along the highway, there would be these big, white, marshmallow shaped objects. Of course, young me had to ask my dad what they were. And he tells me that they are marshmallows and the reason they were everywhere was bescause its a farm. For marshmallows. I believed this but never really thought about it for a while, until I saw the white tarp blow, over the side of one of those big round haybales.
brightwall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed a ghost lobster lived in the corner of my room and came out during the night. I thought that if I ever fell asleep facing that particular corner then it would snip off my nose while I was asleep. This went on for a year. Every night I was fucking terrified of a ghost lobster.
SituationCornflakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandfather warned me not to eat watermelon seeds. He said kids that did would have vines grow out their ears and they would die. Kind of a fucked up thing to say to a child.... thanks grandpa.
arjysseus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That Six Flags was literally just a hop, skip, and a jump away. I live in Arizona.
aboyeur514 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very young I thought that if someone got shot in a cowboy film he really got shot and that they must take very old people and dress them and make them up as if they were that character in the film and then shoot him - which was strange, I even thought they must then pay the family a bag of money to compensate for the loss of grandpa...
VampieOreo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I could grow up to be anything I wanted if I worked hard enough.
jrdufour ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
for the longest time I thought that pigs were the same thing as truffles.
BTJRedwing_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Post your stories in /r/AwkwardChildhood ! The perfect place the share stories from your childhood!
(I am very sorry. I made this a few days ago and want it to pick up.)
spiderlanewales ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents grew up living next door to each other. Consequently, I thought all grandparents lived next door to each other until I was in 7th grade. My friend Sam had to explain to me that what happened with my parents (you know, my mom literally being the girl next door) is actually quite rare. One set of his grandparents lived locally, the others lived in Montana. That just didn't register as possible to me.
MegasNexal84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought those big rolls of hay you see on farms at night, were cow homes.
At day, I always saw these rolls lying down. But at night, then they were upright, the cows weren't around.
helloicarus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if my mother listened to certain music in the car, the car would break down. This was substantiated in my childhood mind because the certain music always seemed to be involved in her shitty car luck.
StarryMari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I looked in a mirror after midnight, I'd see something other than my reflection staring back at me.
LandShark93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That we'd get "Nintendo Eyes", meaning our eyes were going to fall out if we didn't quit playing Nintendo.
My SO's dad told him that dragonflies had needles on their tails, and they'd sew your mouth shut.
SuperUmbreon1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was blind because I couldn't see my own eyes. Idk how this came about, but that's what I thought.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every power plant I saw I thought Homer Simpson worked there.
Jealentuss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 3-4 years old I came up with the idea that little boys grew up to become women and little girls grew up to become men. I have no idea what inspired this thought. As it turns out I am not entirely incorrect.
Ezombio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being born involved cutting out every baby, so I pictured cavemen using flint to open you up every time you give birth. I did not understand how cavemen could put cavewomen back together and my parents decided it would be easier to explain the real deal.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I believed that kids come out/born from anus. Just like how you shit. I believed boobs grew big in a few seconds as soon as you become an adult. The sanitary napkins/pads were used for underarms so it can soak all the sweat and the sweat stain wouldn't come out on our clothes.
Gelliesdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I accepted Jesus into my heart, I would spend eternity in heaven.
pirategoblin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Two things, both related: 1 - When I was a preteen, my older cousin convinced me that the seashell my grandma had given me had a crab living in it that would bite me when I held the shell to my ear to "hear the ocean." I didn't touch that seashell (or any seashell, really) for years.
2 - I also believed that when you hold a shell to your ear to "hear the ocean," you were somehow literally hearing the ocean. I thought the seashell acted like some kind of recording device or telepathic connection to the ocean or something.
DjCanicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I lived in a really really really small town in Ecuador "Moraspungo" and i thought that that was the whole world very small and those where the only people that existed on earth, and since my grandparents had lots of land i thought my grandparents own earth.
ukralibre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When i was a kid, kids told me that there is some man that lives in the sky and knows everything about me and can take me to the skies at any time. It was so creepy, i was so scared so i did not go out at day(it was in the summer) so he wont see me. They told me all the creepy shit they know about this guy. They told me that guy is reading my mind and i shoud speak with him, beg him to let me alive and keep everything secret. I still remember this cold feeling. I was depressed for three months and afraid for several years.
pinotpie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought K turns were going to be the most important thing I would ever have to do when driving.
hailbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that everyone could see themselves except for me.
churplaf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was born by C-section, and so one day when I was about 3, I asked my mother how I came out of her stomach. She told me they cut her open and got me out of her, or something to that effect.
I had a very vivid mental image of my mother lying on a table, the doctor swinging her open as though she had a hinge in her side (sort of like the woman sawn in half magic trick) and then me crawling out on to the table.
I also thought that since I was in her stomach, the chewed up bits of my mother's food would come falling from above and I'd make like a baby bird and sit there with my mouth open waiting for food to fall into it.
Evidently I thought it was pretty roomy (womby?) in there.
kim_jong_un4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being grounded meant being stomped into the ground by a mob of angry peasants.
Plh4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That you got pink eye just by making eye contact with someone who has it.
That's what my dad told me and I was always scared to look at people that had it!
SenhorBawb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I would go to hell if I were bad.
Wake_And_Jake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad used to always call speed bumps "City Titties". I called them city titties until about age 12 and when a friend told me they were called speed bumps I tried to tell him he was wrong.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Girls didn't poop, a girl in my 7th grade class told me girls didnt poop and she said it so matter of factly i believed her till 9th grade when it all clicked that that made no sense cause they have buttholes
WellTheThingIz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That mom's and dad's always stay together.
FatPinch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I had Wind super powers and that I could influence it with the movement of my arms and hands. Yep...
GiraffeCookies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my dad said he was getting a vasectomy I thought they were going to cut his pens off.
xyzyxyzyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if you died while you were sleeping, you'd be stuck in the dream you were having forever, and conversely, if you were stuck in a dream and didn't wake up, you would die IRL.
I had tons of nightmares where I knew I was dreaming, but I couldn't escape and wake up. It was terrifying :(
juzt_agirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought scales only calculated the weight that was directly above it. (If you moved your body to the side, "off" the scale, you would weigh less). Cute beliefs.
Natelynne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was going to die before I turned sixteen, my sister would die at age 21 and my brother would die at 19.
We're all still around, way past the expiration date I'd set for us. I was a morbid child.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Goodwill was good Will, some little pretentious fucker who parents would take their kids Christmas or birthday presents to if they weren't behaving.
shane727 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that life would always be enjoyable and I'd always be calm, not anxious, and at ease with it. Boy does that hit you hard when you realize...
palindromantic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom has always had really bad back pain, and at some point in my childhood I heard the rhyme about stepping on a crack and breaking your mother's back. I was horrified that I had somehow caused my mother's back problems.
Now, I figured out pretty quickly that it was just a silly saying, and of course I didn't break my mother's back or cause her back pain. And yet to this day, I occasionally find myself walking with an odd gait to avoid cracks on the ground or floor. I love my mom and can't be too careful.
SeagalTunaSandWish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religion... :(
litfan13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the world was black and white prior to about 1960. I saw all these black-and-white videos, TV shows, and movies all the time that my mom would say were from "when Dad was a little boy." I thought he had lived to see the invention of color.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The wolf that lived up the end of the ally behind my house. Not a normal wolf red riding hood kinda wolf wig and everything.
Confucius_said ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dogs were males and cats were females...
tsm_makes_me_wet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that tsm would win worlds :)
Deathgasm666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:53 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friends mum embarrassed him one night by telling us when he was younger that he thought he had a bone in his dick for erections.
BrendanH117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin played a lot of video games. Hell, he still does. His dad told him that if he plays too much, he'll become a zombie. I think that's reasonable, play like some people do at that young of an age and you'll basically be braindead. Nope, he thought he'll turn into a green, human-craving monster.
Ricksanchezforlife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:57 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I first heard about AIDS, and that you could get it via sexual intercourse, I immediately assumed everyone has to have sex with a condom or you would catch it. Tldr: everyone has aids
mithoron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That pneumonia and numonia were different things. Pneumonia was obviously like mumps and didn't happen very often since no one ever talked about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:33 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The sex hole is a dot above the vagina slit, and the butthole's inside there too.
Not sure how that came to be
lucaskywalker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had nightmares around Easter (when I was like 3-5 years old) about the 6+ foot tall rabbit that would come to our house to hide eggs. I thought that was really scary, not sure why....
wimaine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
because it is
irtiq7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that days were divided in to 3 distinct region morning, evening and afternoons each 12 hrs long and the time always started from 10 am. Yeah I was a weird child
Asundered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that aliens controlled all reflective and photographic objects to keep any human from ever seeing their true face.
When I told my friends they agree des with me. Our teacher heard us and denied it so we believed her to be an alien.
NeonTankTop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when music was playing in stores there was actually a band playing in the ceiling or the upstairs and we could hear through the vents (speakers)
MRCOAN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when adults had sex, The male put his penis inside the tits...Lmao
The_Thompsonator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was the only actual person that truly existed because I couldn't prove one way or another that my family, or anybody, weren't pre-programmed to say and do everything they did.
Andrewcshore315 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that the Cold War was a war between the US and Canada.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Mohammed Islam Christianity
Am I edgy yet?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know how those Ramune drinks say it's dangerous to try and get the marble out? I thought that meant that if the marble got out of the bottle it would summon a dragon and curse you. :(
TristanTheViking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought China was fictional. Only experience I had with the country was seeing it in cartoons, so I assumed it was made up, like castles or the wild west.
rymden_viking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once thought that every person who died in movies were criminals sentenced to death, and chose to be killed during filming instead of through the normal means.
xinanorway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That black people have blood like red jelly. I swear I remember seeing that when a girl in kindergarten was injured on the playground. I don't know what I ACTUALLY saw, but that's what I THOUGHT I saw and believed it for a long time.
kittaia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That penalising someone meant removing their penis as punishment
AnonJian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That some old white guy with a beard would give me whatever I want just because I wrote a list of demands on a piece of paper. And I would get them, proving I was good. I'm so glad I now believe Uncle Sam will give me whatever I want (list of demands) because I filled out a voting form. And I because I'm on the right side, I believe I'll get what I want.
Children and their magical thinking can be ridiculous. Good thing we believe in adulthood as some kind of remedy. Because that's not embarrassing at all.
lionbarz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend's parents asked me for months if I want to go to the park with them and I would pass. Much later I realized that the park is a place with swings and slides and is different front a parking lot. I thought that for months they would go play between cars in a parking lot. Huge regret.
parallel_jay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The House Hippo, aka the greatest lie ever told to Canadian children.
fluffeekat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandma always had those tube of miniature M&M's and little jelly-filled hard stawberry candies. Like every time we visited she had just enough for me and my siblings, even if it was a surprise visit. And I could never seem to find them in the store.
So, naturally, my young mind reasoned that only grandma's had them(all of mine did, I think they planned it) and they ordered them from a special grandma store. I believed that until I was in highschool, drove to the store to get some candy, and, lo and behold, there they were!
cata2k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The black market was a real place. Some middle eastern bazaar, where all the shady criminals identified themselves as such by wearing black.
SpasticFeedback ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Grew up bilingual English and Japanese. When I was really little, for some reason, I assumed all Japanese people thought in English and then translated it into Japanese when they spoke.
Aquatation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seeing lots of green and recycling posters growing up, I saw that 'recycling a plastic bottle is the same as powering a tv for an hour' or something, so I was convinced there was a process to extract pure energy out of stuff like plastic bottles which could be used to power TVs
Bripirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Grandmother told me that if I sprinked salt on a birds tail then I would be able to catch it. Can't tell you how many hours I spent in her back yard with the salt shaker from the kitchen table. I was 30 before I figured out that if I could get close enough to sprinkle salt on it's tail then hell yeah I could catch it! Apparently one of the tricks my Grandmother used to get rid of me when I was underfoot.
cats-quilts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eat more than 2 pickles and your stomach will explode.
Apparently I loved pickles so much would want to eat the whole jar. My father was the genius behind getting me stop at two.
tacostain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom used to use me as a parking "good luck charm" she said I had a special connection to the parking goddess. I legitimately thought I was a spiritual conduit for some deity that granted the ideal parking space. If only.
HSteamy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rice was made from potatoes.
My oldest brother told me that.
Groovemach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just assumed life before 1970ish was in black and white.
PigeonBeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if you killed a bee the whole hive would come back and sting you. (just a normal bee, not any special kind lol)
firekittymeowr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:48 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents told me that to make a baby 'the daddy puts a seed in the mummy'. Whenever we went to gardening supply shops I always looked everywhere for the packets of baby seeds but could never find them.
Two_Legged_Pirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That back in the old days the world was in black and white. Any story an adult told me, I envisioned in black and white.
twentiesgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:18 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought dragons were real.
I also thought the mermaids were babies that were born in the water and never came up.
-nautical- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought women got pregnant automatically when they "first" kissed at a wedding.
floppylobster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:43 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would live to be 100. And that 100 was a fairly average old age.
King_kai_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I did my homework on the way to school in the morning instead of after school the day before like I was supposed to, my teachers would know and tell my parents, which would get me grounded or something. The teachers would know this because they had a way of testing/finding out how long the pencil had been on the paper. The bizarre part is that this isn't something my parents told me to get me to do my homework and I completely made it up on my own. Also, despite this made up fear, I was and still am a huge procrastinator who often did my homework on the bus on the way to school.
Forfunaccount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To me as a child, the reason there's an exhaust pipe on a car is so that it can pushed air out super fast
That's what made the car move forward.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Used to think that people who died in movies died in real life, and they were just criminals with a movie-death sentence. Then I saw two movies with Sean Bean in them.
nonpareilpearl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in kindergarten I overheard my teacher talking to another teacher about her recent pregnancy and mentioned that she "must've carried the baby in her thighs". At the time I already knew the "facts of life" and was really worried about what horrible deformity she must have had where her uterus would be in her thigh.
Bangaleng ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when people talked about sandbars they were referring to a little bar that someone would wheel out at a certain part of the day.. never did end up seeing it though
HeyturnontheAC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For many years, after an incident at my elementary school, I believed pink eye was only contagious by making direct eye contact with someone who had it. As if by some sort of infectious-laser-eye-beam.
heezyboy13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I used to think that the American flag was a map of the U.S
turthell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Muesli was made out of crumbling up dried old dead people
JimmyJimmyCoShoNuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that there were people in the attic and could see me through the air vents. I acted like I didn't know they were spying. When the AC was on I was safe and could move around in bed at night but when it turned off, they were there waiting to catch me awake, so I would lie still AF sweating my balls off just waiting. My G-ma slept over one time and the AC clicked off, a solid five minutes of silent, sweaty agony. Outta nowhere she let out the meanest machine gun fart ever. Scared the everloving shit outta me. She gotta kick out of it. Still can't sleep w/out a fan on.
Alien_Hat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:11 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my Dad had magic powers to pull a Cadbury's Creme Egg from behind my ear.
dkl415 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that only my friends and family were real, and everyone else was an actor (a la Truman Show), maybe 10 years before Truman Show came out.
Lobby44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My step brother, Brandon, believed that jelly beans grew from actual plants from the time he was 6 until he was a freshman in high school. My step dad told him that as an Easter tradition but failed to ever mention he was joking until Brandon tried to convince his friends otherwise in high school. Safe to say he has yet to live that story down!
Yuforia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know how when your eyes are unfocused you see doubles? Well I used to think that I was looking through stuff.
goforajog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that when you ate soup, it went to your calves, in a little soup sack. Some people had wobbly calves because they ate a lot of soup, and some people had hard calves because they didn't eat enough. It seemed logical.
kungligtorresmo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:49 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that drinking Gatorade would give you neon bright, colored sweat. Those commercials looked pretty convincing at 9 years old. When I finally realized that it wouldn't, I stopped exercising and became a fat adolescent.
MrsGallop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my parents were spies and I thought they checked my clothes at the end of every day to see if I had male fingerprints on my clothes... Smh I remember that if a guy touched me I would put my hand over where they touched and then touch somewhere else (as if transfering the fingerprint) so there would be no evidence of me having guy friends.
bstandturtle7790 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my dad killed my grandpa. Let me explain.
When i was younger we used to ha e family dinner with my moms entire sid of the famil, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, family friends, all were welcome. One sunday when i was 5 we had a family bbq at my house. We'll my dad went to town, huge salad, shit ton of meat on the grill, sides, etc, enough to feed an army.
Well after dinner, my grandpa started to feel some chest pains. He went to the hospital via ambulance from my house and the last thing I remembered him say was all he ate was the salad with my dad's dressing. Well naive 5 year old me thought that it was my dad's dressing that not only put my grandpa in the hospital, but later lead to his death in the next few days.
Took my parents years to find out and only once talking to a psychiatrist
cynoclast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:12 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That going to church and the rituals inside it were "just what people did" and that they didn't really believe all those ridiculous stories.
Chucklesinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told me that if I spoke into a fan while it was spinning it would break the fan so I kept believing that for way too many years.
omgwtfidk89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Comic books were base on a real people. But were exaggerated like tall tells.
Call_me_Cassius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My uncle (a farmer) had a copper horse thing hanging on his wall (it used to be the top of his weathervane, and when he got a new one he kept the old horse cause he liked it) and my dad convinced me it used to be a real horse but by uncle shot it with a copper bullet and it turned it into a shrunken down copper horse. I believed him until I was like eleven.
insert-words-here ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That as a boy in the house constantly surrounded by females (sisters and mom), I would grow up to have a vagina. I thought that since the only people older than me had vaginas (didn't know my dad and brother were like me and had penises). However, I stopped believing this when my little sister was born.
Another thing I believed was that if I didn't use the restroom when I needed to, my mom would cut off my dick and eat it. Apparently, my mom made sure to say this a lot in my childhood. Last time I asked her why she said that, she said she was joking but even now, I always use the restroom when I needed to even though she's miles away.
Man, I had some childhood..
Magpie32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I got myself completely worked up, thinking that I might be a fictional character in someone else's novel. I mean, how would I know?! I'm just the letters on the page, going on with my life, thinking I'm a real person, when I'm really just the figment of a deranged, keyboard-pecking author who could kill me off on a whim.
This is what happens when your 7 year old reads at a high school level; she gets an existential crisis in 2nd grade.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:31 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I heard of a prisoner that escaped jail the committed suicide. I thought this meant he escaped by running through a sewer.
ChefBoyAreWeFucked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my father was secretly black.
He is pretty racist and had a problem with this.
AvengedSevenfoldGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That someone could just come up to my house, ring my doorbell, and tell my parents that they want to buy my house, and then we'd have to move. I was afraid of unfamiliar cars driving by for a few years after that.
Abadatha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That there was some semblance of good in all people.
DevilleinaBlueDress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That our landlady's lesbian lover smoked matches instead of cigarettes.
Siblings.
everynowandthen88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the sky was the 6th ocean. I was convinced of it till I was 8 years old. I'm still not clear whether that I'm wrong...cause well, the sky does hold water vapour.
Churromang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Up until very recently actually, I believed that pasta came from some sort of plant somewhere. Like... as is. A rigatoni tree would've made perfect sense to me.
Twerk4Werk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:00 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that you would die if you found out the meaning of life.
Mango_fart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everything would be fair
SanshaXII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:34 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought firefighters worked like Ghostbusters, as in they captured the fire in the back of the truck and released it into the wild later, which were what forest fires were.
Cameron_Rozek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MY dad told me that when the ice cream truck played music, it was out of ice cream and that they would get angry if you asked for some
Bahunter22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 5 or 6 I was spending the week with my grandparents and we got up to go to breakfast. They were taking us to a place called The Berry House. I started crying because I thought that meant that it was a house where they buried you alive. My grandpa had to explain how words sound the same and we were going to a berry place like strawberries, not a place where I would go to die.
Stephanie7even ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:50 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom was from the southern united states and used to tell me that I would grow mushrooms behind my ears if I didn't clean them properly. For about a year, when I was 5, I scrubbed behind my ears until they were scabbed thinking that mushrooms would grow. Then I thought the scabs were mushrooms growing. Safe to say I was a paranoid child after that.
tehsushichef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:39 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You should always listen to and trust grown-ups because they all know what they're talking about."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i thought that black people were white people born in caves
kileypie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought the huge water towers were where kittens were made.
Gogogadgetskates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my little brother was about three he honestly thought that all little boys grew up to be girls. Like he thought that at some point he'd be a chick and so would every other little boy. He did grow up around quite a lot of women. he was babysat by a woman who had a daughter, there was me - quite a bit older who also cared for him often - and of course my mom. So you can almost see how he'd think this. But he also had an older brother and a dad. I remember asking him 'so if all boys grow up to be girls what about daddy and your brother?' And like a typical three year old he just shrugged and ran off to play. I still have no clue what his thought process was.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Guerilla fighters in 3rd world countries were literally GORILLA fighters...like Gorilla Grodd or the Gorillas from Planet of the Apes. I legit thought there was a race of super-intelligent Gorillas living deep in the jungle occasionally emerging to wage war on humanity. I also thought Ivan Drago in Rocky 4 was a cyborg,but thats a different story altogether
machinegunfunk325 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:46 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that everyone's body was essentially hollow, and when you ate food, it fell down to your feet.
And when you filled up, that's when you died.
I don't know what made me believe this, because according to that belief, a subway footlong would take years off your life.
Andromeda224 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the earth was an infinite plane for an embarrassingly long amount of time. The models I saw of earth I thought reflected what was above this plane. Why would God make an infinite earth, then a spherical model of it in the sky? I could never quite figure out how to confirm or dispute this with a good question. Then in about second or third grade I formulated the perfect questions. "Dad, if we could drill through the sky would we come out in space?" "Yes." "If we could drill through the Earth to the other side and keep going would we also come out in space?" "Yes." And that was when I learned the Earth itself was in fact the spherical "model" I had always seen pictures of. Mind-blown.
Yoshilicious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:14 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that there was a set amount of air in our lungs and that if I ever blew too hard I'd die as there would be no air left in my lungs. As a consequence whenever I blew something, such as bubbles, I started breathing in like crazy.
SwanSonginBminor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:23 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think "make ends meet" was actually "make ends-meat". Like, you only made enough money to buy the scraps and ends from the butcher. Ends meet makes more sense.
EmmaAlreadyReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:58 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was led to believe that the crusts of the bread made my hair curly, so I didn't eat them because I was happy with my straight hair.
motionblurrr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:21 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad, who worked at a bank, told me that Christopher Columbus was a banker and that's why the banks were closed on Columbus Day. I knew he wasn't just a banker but when the teacher asked the class who he was, I thought I was adding an interesting little tidbit of information by saying he was a banker.
The laughter, even from the teacher, still haunts me.
Helibe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All movies were live. If you wanted to watch a movie, all the actors had to scramble together to put on a play just for you.
radiofreeradioman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:24 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Discover magazine had me convinced that an asteroid was going to hit Earth. Those were some tense days.
Veryenlightenedbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:20 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that whales were awesome. How stupid was that? It's clearly birds.
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whales bro
Veryenlightenedbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, whales.
btinc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After seeing West Side Story I thought that Puerto Rico was an island off of New York.
Peter_Dinkleberg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use to believe that back when television was black and white so was the world. Don't care to admit how long it took for me to be corrected...
bones_27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought there was a person somewhere with a huge control panel who watched and operated all traffic lights. The fact that they'd have to do this simultaneously across hundreds of locations didn't occur to me.
HappySecondBrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For years I was convinced everything was made out of cotton, just various density cottons...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad spent a summer planting trees in Ecuador. My mom was upset one day, and she said his group was being held hostage by guerrillas.
I wasn't sure why she was upset, I thought finding some gorillas would be cool. He was fine by the way, once they realized they were just poor nerdy scientists!
I also found "horse teeth" in the garden once, that my father didn't tell me until I was almost 30 that they weren't actually horse teeth. I always wondered why did didn't have any more gardens by the old cemetery after that...
StasRutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that dragonflies could sew up my ears, nose, mouth and eyes. Like super convinced because my dad had no reason to lie. I was terrified of dragonflies until my junior year of college when i freaked out about seeing a dragonfly and said "aren't you worried about it sewing up your ears?!" and all my friends just stared...thanks dad
SELLING_BODY_FOR_ELO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there was a way to unlock Luigi in SM64. Also, the whole Mew under the truck thing. I was very gullible as a kid....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that since old movies are in black and white, people back in the days must be black and white as well.
Finger_Trapz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought that women didn't push babies out. Once I leaned about a C-Section, I thought that all women had to get cut open. At the time, I was a fairly safe kid, and the most I would ever get was a papercut or scratch. I also, during the same time, never leaned that they used anesthesia on patients, so it was like a papercut, but a billion times worse
BananaWilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That there was god.
BruceTheUnicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For the longest time I thought I was either unnaturally skinny or adopted because all the rest of my family (extended family as well) was slightly obese. My aunts would always say stuff like "Oh you're so skinny!" "You need some meat on those bones!" "Get this boy a sandwich!" Stuff like that (and they also yelled a bunch while I was a very quiet kid, which they also commented on). When I was 11-12, I went to the hospital with my aunt and cousin for a checkup. I for some reason hadn't thought to ask any doctors about my weight before this particular appointment. So I ask, and the nurse is like "Oh yeah, you're in very good shape for your age" And that was that. And on the topic of me being an adoptee, I also used to think I wasn't American because I wasn't interested in American things. I never cared for American sports and I preferred the metric system over the imperial system, unlike most other Americans. Even today people say I act foreign and guess that I'm from Canada or some European country. It doesn't help that I, for reasons unbeknownst to me, slip into a Canadian accent when saying words like sorry and use words that are apparently British. It just completely derails whatever the previous conversation was. TL;DR I thought I was either anorexic or adopted from abroad for a long time.
feanturi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I was a small child, I thought that the television had little people in it that performed plays for us. To explain how there could be so many different people if you watched long enough, I reasoned that they must live in the wall, and climb into the TV through the power cord. We didn't have cable, and I didn't know what the rabbit ears really did, so the power cord was the only thing I could see to let them pull it off. I imagined a whole little town's worth of tiny people living in the wall, waiting for their turns to go into the TV to entertain us. I was tempted to try unplugging the TV just as a show was starting, because maybe I could catch them. But maybe some would fall out of the cord and get hurt, so I didn't want to take that chance and never tried.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought a girl's voice changed during puberty. Still waiting....
IStoleyoursoxs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FUCKING HOUSE HIPPO
iltwrrmbro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once cried because I thought I would grow up and turn into a black man.
DrakJay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought blacks and whites were equal.
mrsarnold2383 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me and one of my younger sisters would tell our youngest sister that if she ate more than one McDonalds french fry at a time she would die. We also frequently told her she was adopted...
bromo01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to get very impatient at red lights so my dad convinced me that if I gave him a kiss on the cheek the light would change to green. most of the times I'd be skeptic until convinced and by the time I'd get to actually kiss him the light would change. I used to believe he was so magical haha actually got into magic because of his many cool simple tricks during my childhood...
c_is_for_nose_8cD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remembered this today. I forget how old I was, but I was real young, and thought people with the same first names were related, because people with the same last name were usually related too.
FoxyLady1357 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed if I covered my arms with cardboard boxes (of the length if my arms), they would function as wings and I'd be able to fly. After 20 attempts, jumping from the bed, I gave up.
TryingToFitIn2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pokรฉmon were real.
RelentlessKid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I uses to believe that women had a button inside them that you had to press in order to get them pregnant...
legofunland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I never had a favorite color as a child because I thought if I picked one the other colors would get mad at me.
kenyanplanes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For at least my first ten years of life, my grandfather had me convinced that scallops were pieces of shark meat. How did they get so round? I didn't know and my parents obviously care enough to correct him.
eamuscatuli1908 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up in the 90's loving star wars from when I was very young about age 4-5. Back then, I got very caught up in the "a long, long time ago..." tagline.
I figured that mankind was going through some kind of reverse technological chronology. A long, long time ago they had spaceships, droids, lightsabers, etc. and as a species we were heading to the culture of Western films and ultimately towards the stone age.
Took me until about 8-10 years old to realize that star wars was not a historically accurate story.
ReferredByJorge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
During bath time, if I was only able to keep the water running long enough, I could flood the house high enough to engage in otherwise non-catastrophic domestic aquatic adventures. They could later be reversed by releasing the bathtub drain.
ansag1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife saw a commercial when she was a kid where little old Italian ladies picked pasta off of trees. She confessed to believing that until she started cooking for herself... So probably into her early 20's.
maburles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think my adams apple was a food elevator
BadBetting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents had some mind reading ability because of coincidences like I would fail a check and they would check my grades (online grade access).
kinggzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mormonism.
Johnisfaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my parents knew what they were talking about.
HoundDogs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought "What-a-burger" was "water burger" so I never ate there because I thought it was disgusting that they put water in their burgers.
ratemeimhorny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that a certain set of powerlines by my house was used for riding dirtbikes on. I could have sworn that I saw it once
ItalianFire8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 4 one of my sibling's friends (teenager) told me that if I buried his gum wrapper it would grow into an ice cream tree. I believed it and put it under a rock in a secret place. I periodically checked on it the whole summer, but that ice cream tree never grew, and I was very sad...
malpow13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in second grade, we were playing with play-doh in class. One of the boys in my class built a snowman, then held it against his crotch like it was his penis to make his friend laugh.
Due to a lack of any other visuals (I'm a female), I thought for a very, very long time that penises were shaped like snowmen.
romulusnr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think everyone goes through this, but, solipsism.
Also, I believed for many years that "connoisseur" meant "someone with a cough." But that was because my parents lied to me to get out of buying me a certain candy. It wasn't until nearly a decade later that someone set me straight (I really could never quite understand why the "connoisseur ice cream parlor" would have such brisk business).
Napoleon17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger my dad would tell my siblings and me that if we kept playing with our belly buttons we would deflate
Kidchico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think the asphalt under your car would always stay under your car and each person had their own.
BrainPunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife once claimed that as a child she used to think that there were monkeys inside traffic lights, operating them. I was like "Uh, you're remembering the Flintstones, dear."
river_rose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when you grew up you had the choice of getting a job or being a bird. My dad was an airline pilot and would be gone for a few days at a time "flying".
ns-veritas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I could see through walls eventually, if I perfected my perceived ability to see through my hand while it was covering one eye.
Jakebar276 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would always get paranoid as fuck coming home late at night. My imagination kept telling me there were scary guys or monsters hanging on to the bottom of the car and when I get out.. They'll grab my legs and fuck me up!
DragonDeezNutsAround ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think we can all agree that Santa is a bit ridiculous.
An overweight stranger bypasses your locked doors by climbing down your chimney, leaves mysterious packages behind, and then departs on flying deer.
But i love christmas
zmaker45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everyone's name was only theres. No two people could have the same name. When I met another person with my name, I was confused to say the least.
SatinSerpent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Star Trek was real. I thought it was like videos from our space program. I asked my dad what Mr. Spock was and he just said "A Vulcan". I assumed Vulcan was just some country in Asia. I was very young and didn't understand reflections that well. A fly-by of the Enterprise reflected in the living room window once and I thought the actual ship and flown by. After all... we lived on an Air Force base.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a woman's cleavage was another set of buttcheeks and that women pooped out of their chests (Childhood was weird man, I don't know).
unstable_supernova ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother told me that there were little men in the traffic lights who changed the colors: three for each light. I believed that for so long I didn't remember where I'd gotten the idea when I'd realized it was garbage. I shared it with my family and my brother started laughing and told me.
He'd also tried to make me believe that black and white cows made white milk, and brown cows made chocolate milk, but you can only go so far...
My_Dogs_Are_Stupid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When it rained it was God peeing
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that if you'd milk cows really hard, hamburgers would come out.
wvston ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use to watch A LOT of Spongebob and was convinced that jelly came from jellyfish. When my kindergarten teacher asked about where grape jelly from, I raised my hand confidently and said, "Jellyfish!" The whole class and my teacher laughed at me and that was when I learned jelly or jam came from fruits.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the food falls on the ground, the devil licks it. and you can't eat it because of that
notreallyasuperhero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that saying you were "allergic" to something gave you an automatic pass to not eat the one kind of food you hated the most. This is why when my mom was putting peanuts in our grocery cart when I was about six, I informed her that she couldn't get them because I was allergic to them. She told me that no, I was not, and I shouted at her, "I THINK I KNOW, MOM."
Tarrannosaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to pray so much as a kid. For simple stuff too. Like for my parents to make a little more money, not to be made fun of, or just for something nice to happen every now and then. It took a few years for me to realize I was wasting my time and needed to make all that shit happen for myself.
NinjaPyjama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That women got pregnant with age. Even when I learnt that sex causes pregnancy, I believed that's just one of the ways because my parents are too pure to do such a dirty act.
pseudonymos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I used to love jumping on the vents you find on side walks, trying to smash through them (I know I was an idiot). My mum was so terrified I'd fall through, she told me that crocodiles live under them and they're waiting on the other side to eat me. I didn't realise she was lying until I got to high school but to this day I still walk around every vent on the street.
fantasticalblur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that we were literally inside the planet earth and I was confused as to how the astronauts broke the sky/shell in order to get into space.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought actors sacrificed themselves for their roles.
dem0n_wh0re ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that traffic lights were controlled by tiny little dwarves that lived under the street and constantly watched traffic. I would imagine that they would scramble up and down the light poles to look at traffic and tell the lights to change colors. Also, I kissed a boy when I was 6 and was certain that I was pregnant from it.
Then_He_Said ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The good guys win and the bad guys lose
Iamaredditlady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That one day my mother would like me :(
CrazyKirby97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have quite a few, but nothing will ever be as funny as my highly-detailed police chase scenario, created by 5 year old me.
For some reference, nobody in my family has ever gotten in any real trouble before. I'd never seen a policeman pull us over or arrest anybody.
Anyways, you know how sometimes those theft alarms at K-Mart accidentally go off? That used to happen all the time at ours. (Either our local Wal-Mart's was more functional, or we just never bought clothes there.) This eventually bred a fear that they would go off and we'd get falsely accused of stealing.
But it doesn't end there.
I used to think that those alarms would contact the police directly, and they'd come to arrest us. So when we drove out, I always asked my dad to "hurry up" or "drive faster," because little me knew what was coming.
Little me knew, or at least thought, that the police would chase us home. But this wasn't your normal car-vs-car police chase, no. I envisioned an entire squad of cars driving behind us, armored trucks following from behind, and three attack helicopters above them, shooting bullets at our car as my panicking mother screamed for my dad to drive faster, while SWAT officers would break through our car windows and grab us as the car swerved off and exploded, destroying half the city in its explosion.
I didn't want to get framed. I didn't want to get arrested, and most importantly, I didn't want my car to explode with the force of a thousand suns. So there I was, in the back of the car, panicking over a scenario that would never happen.
I never told my parents why I got so scared by that alarm until I was 17. That was the hardest I'd seen them laugh in my life.
imahuhman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when a bar advertised that a band was playing "no cover." I thought it meant they were going to be naked.
HungarianHammer21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was pretty young, maybe 4 or 5, my parents told me someone we distantly knew had passed away from a heart attack, but I heard that as "hard attack". Because of this, I imagined the man's house getting broken into by a bunch of swat team looking guys and subsequently attacking him.
AustinXTyler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the PlayStation was freezing, punching the TV would make it unfreeze
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once when I was about six or seven I had a really nasty stomachache, and my brother told me that washing your hands in cold water (?) would make your stomach feel better.
...the sad part is I kinda do that out of habit now, and maybe it's the placebo effect but I feel it kiiiiinda works.
Humblebee89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the hole in the ozone layer meant that eventually all the air would leak out of the earth and we'd all suffocate. What bothered me more was that adults seemed quite unconcerned about it.
Ohayo_Godzillamasu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was the first person to come up with the concept of oral sex.
brokenconsciousness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced faeries existed. I would have my sister help me build little houses for them in the yard, and I was always sure to keep them stocked with food or whatever cause I thought if I didn't, the faeries would curse me.
TheFiresShootingAtUs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At a restaurant in our town, the ceiling fans were all linked together with these belts, all linking back to a box on the wall. It looked like the box powered the belts turning the fans. My brother convinced me as a kid that a mouse lived in the box chasing a piece of cheese to run the fans.
BlackTowerWA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in kindergarten I thought the school got blown up every day and rebuilt overnight. This was because we'd occasionally have "early dismissal" and left school early. I though we had to leave early because the missile was coming to blow up the school early and was always worried we wouldn't make it in time.
tina2step ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if two peoples pee mixed in the toilet a baby would grow...
krickets12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that the world was fair lol
ShootsnLadders ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, my dad told me that when you flushed the toilet the poop would go down through pipes and up into trees. From there it got recycled through the leaves. He used this to explain why it smelled bad outside sometimes.
Truth is we lived down the street from a meat packing plant.
Themadisonk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first and second grade teacher had us convinced us that she had eyes in the back of her head and that was how she always knew what we were doing. Also, she told us that she had cameras in the special area rooms so she would know if we were behaving. I knew neither made sense, but I was convinced
TwitinTwitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that I could grow my boogers into booger plants. I would pull apart the little wispy parts in the carpet, plant them, and then spit on them and wait. Though I usually forgot about them
so somewhere in my old house where someone is now living, there are old child boogers all over the house in their carpets.
CutePuppyDog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought we were trespassing whenever my dad was driving pass a "No Passing" sign.
esotericvoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was raised Mormon.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that the pods that come from carob trees were actually deer poop. My sister always tricked me when I was a toddler.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know those air heads commercials from the mid 2000s which showed people eating them and then there head blows up into a air head mascot, well i thought that would actually happen, i was so scared i didn't try an air head until a was about 10.
zammy95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was pretty sure jesus and Santa were the same person for quite awhile when I was younger
allenme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That our stomachs are like, big sacs where you put your food into. Like our entire torso is just lungs, stomach, heart and bones
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that pulling the grab handles from the car ceiling would make the car go faster. My older sister tricked me into thinking all sorts of ridiculous stuff when I was little xD
FreedomsPower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a little kid I remember being convinced that my Grandmother, who would visit from out of state, lived at the local Howard Johnsons hotel.
speriwinkle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only the President can use 3+ exclamation points in a row.
The cellar door things outside houses in Colonial Williamsburg are actually jail cells. No room underneath, just lie flat with your nose to the ceiling. I was ~ 10.
moose2332 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the Civil War was between North and South America, not the Southern USA v. Rest of the country.
troy_mclure69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember debating with this kid in grade 1 about where babies came from. I was so convinced that they came out your mouth. It was a heated conversation to say the least.
brewllicit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i thought if I put two bunnies and two cats together in a toy boat, no harm would come to the animals as I floated them in a swimming pool.
Halibeam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would get so excited when we would drive past marshmallow farms until I was probably 13.
Bales of hay wrapped in white plastic.
I still have trust issues.
snakeoil-huckster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the red light on top of the water tower was Rudolphs nose so I knew santa was always watching. One christmas eve I threw a tantrum because I saw "Rudolphs" nose while we were driving home and santa wouldn't stop if I wasn't at home asleep. They told me it counted if I slept in the car. I quickly shut up and faked sleeping until they carried me in. Stupid santa didn't even know I was faking it
l0stinthought ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dinosaurs existed in an overlapping plane of existence and we're just misinterpreting time.
I also thought time stopped at 12am and started again at 7am.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that children came in packages and you could buy them in stores. Silly four year old me, everybody knows that children are delivered to their rightful owners by storks.
eyob83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought adults were better than children. 20 years after it occurred, I realized I had been molested.
Oh, and as a black boy, I thought black people were required to listen to only rap/r&b.
Account__Compromised ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Santa.
Still salty about this one...
sagerjt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tornadoes were sentient, and psychic. They could tell I was afraid.
ElBlancoBane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Santa Claus
frittofeet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have chronic ear infections as a child. I used to tell my mum that I had 'Rob' in my ear. Mum starts thinking I'm being abused or something to that effect. Turns out I was just partially deaf and could hear my own heartbeat 'throbbing'.
AadilF1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought that doing a jump in a train or an airplane will cause you to go flying backwards as the airplane is moving very fast whereas the earth isn't moving so therefore I wouldnt be moving forward if I jumped on the spot.
Cracker3011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not mine, but my sister's; That we all lived inside the Earth, and that astronauts had to break through the planet's crust to reach space. She was 13 by the time she learned this wasn't true.
"But if we live on the outside of the planet, how can we breathe, we'd be in space!"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That God, heaven and hell existed.
ghoulashshroomie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought bales of hay were cow eggs.
My dad told me that.
Comocrecermarihuana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't understand the concept of a checkbook and an account balance, so I thought why doesn't everybody just write checks and not be poor?
GryffindorG33k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Dad told me that if I ate raw cookie dough, it would cook inside my stomach and I would get a tummy ache. I imagined my stomach getting all distended and bloated like Violet from Willy Wonka.
waishas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always believed that God was an all knowing lion who wore clothes.
Ham_B0n3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the North American house hippo did exist.
CaptPicard85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God
drjoehumphrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad was in the military and I believed that every morning when he went to work he was going into combat.
yng_waterbender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know when you are younger and get really excited for events or days that are coming up and you can't sleep? Well somehow I would convince myself, when I was in bed trying to sleep, that since I couldn't imagine how this exciting day is going to happen tomorrow, that must mean that I am going to die in my sleep or a killing in the middle of the night and that's why I couldn't envision that day. Even after this was obviously disproven multiple times I still believed that this was a thing. It actually sounds pretty fucked up when I type it out like this...
TheBitchIsBack666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that you got sick (well, that nauseated feeling associated with a fever) from the world spinning too fast, which made you dizzy.
aldous_fuxxxley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Growing up watching sponge bob square pants, I assumed all boats had wheels on the bottom of them. The suspension would use the depth finder to telescope the wheels to the bottom of the ocean.
Buoyancy was an unrecognized variable.
rkibs98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tomatoes that were pink grew under ground
jkhymann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Up until I was seven or so, I thought that the priest at church was God. When I switched churches, I was confused as to why God looked different. I distinctly remember my Mom's face of pure disappointment.
rainbowdashtheawesom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there was actually a tiny person inside the drive-thru box.
jtdemaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I asked my mom what a bruise was and she let me know it was internal bleeding. Thing is, I didn't know what internal was and thought she said eternal. This freaked me out cause I thought it meant you would bleed forever so I kept a notebook of where I had bruises so I knew where I was already bleeding and to be extra careful there
SSBBguys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some strange reason, I thought that a day was like 48 hours long, and that I just slept through around 24 hours. I believed this until I was around 9 years old when people told me that a day was 24 hours long... Don't ask me how I exactly stopped because that is beyond me.
karmakomma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religion.
EthErealist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had the truman show delusion from 8th to 10th grade. Thank God I don't have OCD anymore.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a phase where I couldn't flush the toilet without thinking that everything in the room would get sucked into it. So I'd flush and get the fuck out.
Also, dangling my feet over any seat where someone could sit behind me was a no-go as there was a fear that someone would just sneak up behind me and cut my Achilles tendon. Seeing the scene in Hostel for the first time pretty much reawakened that fear in me as an adult and it took a few years to get back over it.
TakJacksonMC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
when i was little I thought Taiwan was spelt TaiOne and that there was also a TaiTwo, TaiThree ETC
Saxophonebird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was super cool that Punxsutawney, PA was named after the groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil. Like I completely thought this groundhog had told the townspeople his name so they named the town in his honor.
psinguine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that you could defeat gravity by lifting yourself up. To test this theory I held a plank of wood under my butt, closed my eyes, jumped, tucked my legs in, and pulled up as hard as I could.
I was wrong.
TheGuardians7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tilting the D-pad left and right would increase my capture rate.
VillageDweller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Up until about age 6 I thought that God ran everything and was just being mean when he wouldn't give me everything I wanted.
iDrGonzo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Immortality.
blatsnorf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in god...
HadYouKen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yay this question again
terradi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The brown cows make chocolate milk.
Thanks dad.
dumpsterKraken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that I had two personalities, one good and one bad. Someone told me something about right and left brain something-or-other. I logically assume that each personality looked out at the world through their respective eye.
Long story short I thought that if I shut one eye it would make me see the world in a better or worse way depending on which eye.
Superweird child
SirCharlesEquine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the buttocks contained poop. I actually had a dream once as a child that mine got sawed into, and brown poop slowly started oozing out.
Jaredfogle69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone once told me that if you swear three times in on day you got an automatic ticket to Hell.
I guess this could be true because I haven't died yet! We'll see what happens
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would fall into the toilet and never see my parents again. I was SUPER young. I even cried while sitting perfectly safely on the seat.
Theinternetexplorer_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to stand in the back garden ordering the wind to blow, and when it did I convinced myself I was god
insidethesun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In California it is illegal to pick Poppies..I always thought they was an alarm attached to the stems of all of them and if you picked them it would alert the police
VillageDweller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a toddler and farted my mom tried to make it a cute thing and would say "Oh, oh! Must be the meeses!" Meaning "mice" making noise. I didn't realize that she was using a cutesy word for "mice" so until I was 5 or 6 thought that "meeses" was some sort of medical condition that made noises come out of your butt. I remember farting in front of a playmate and explaining that I had meeses, in a very serious tone.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aliens Lived in the toilet, that was a fact.
finH1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mum often recalls the time I asked her "Mum do dustbin mean come from the moon?"
I was 4 apparently haha
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That squirrels were magic and would leave me a bowl of ice cream if I left a pile of nuts by the woods.
tl;dr I never got my magic ice cream
_Death_Lotus_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have Visual Snow, which I know, but until the age of 12 I always had a sneaking suspicion that i wasnt a real person, but instead a NPC in a game or show due to the "static" i would see. It really made me wonder if i was really in control of anything
Shotwells ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I use to think that in movie theaters, we were watching a giant TV screen instead of a projection. I also that Eddie Murphy created Murphy's Law.
PODoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I thought my grand parents lived at the airport because that's where we would always go to pick them up.
Also my older brother worked at McDonald's, and he told me that there were free range cows in the back and every time someone ordered a burger he had to shoot a cow with a bow and arrow and butcher it. For like 2 years every time I went to McDonald's I tried to see into the back to catch a glimpse of the cows.
tim098 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
From the age of 7 to 12, I thought the moon was the size of my bedroom.
I also thought I had invented masturbation. Not sure which ones worse.
ans141 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, my dad told me to not eat the ends of bananas because spiders lay their eggs there.
I've read and have been told it isn't true, but I still don't eat the ends. Even being 26 years old, I can't get myself to do it.
Justincha3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit fairies
fifiloveg00d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I popped and peed at the same time, I would combust. (or the 5yr old version of combustion)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That adults knew what the fuck they were doing
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was six, I had no idea that people who were cremated had died first. I just figured once you got to certain age, we did a combination Viking/Eskimo sendoff.
cinnavag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That your "feelings" were in your shoulders. Someone pointed in the general area of the heart (so near the shoulder...) for "hurt feelings" once in preschool, and when I asked my mom where they were she pointed there too! ...and I was convinced.
jupitercrash13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
not me but my bff thought that there was an invisible cord attached to her body that would get tangled. She would always make sure to go back through somewhere the same way she walked in so she wouldn't get snagged.
Missharlett ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The giant cooling tower was a cloud machine and man did I hate seeing that shit on days where there weren't actually clouds in the sky.
Mars_rocket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought wind was caused by trees moving.
conciergeonpatrol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that dogs were the males and cats were the females...
usually_just_lurking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the "Iron Curtain" was a huge metal wall; I was worried that my parents might not get through/over the wall after visiting the USSR.
Pass_that_aux_cord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus
lylejack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That we lived on the inside of the planet, as otherwise we world have been hurtled into space and wouldn't be able to breathe. Didn't quite make sense with the sky though.
daneelthesane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very young (like maybe 6), I rode on a roller coaster. This was back in the 70's, when a short kid could sit on his father's lap and ride. My head must have hit my father's chin or something, because I felt my head hit something hard. Since it was night time and I thought the roller coaster was so tall, I thought I hit my head on the moon.
WinterFreshershist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bit late. My friend had a fear that if he lifted his right arm in the air someone might shoot an arrow into his arm pit.
Apparently this fear spawned from a movie he saw. He said for a few years he would never raise his right arm more then about 90ยฐ.
ItzNikhil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young I was terrified of Voldermort (cloaked up Philosopher stone version) and also Chewbacca. FUCKING CHEWBACCA out of all things.
I thought Voldermort was real and he was coming after me.
almaperdida ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would find love and be happy some day.
lizzkhalifuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought babies were delivered in a basket that floated down from the sky and you would order one after you got married. I was very disappointed to learn women gave birth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually believed there was an invisible man in the clouds that watched over your every move. You could talk to this dude and ask him to help you out. If you misbehaved, he would send you to a fiery pit for all eternity.
I know; silly, huh?
What_the_shit_Archer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Way late to the party here, but I grew up in Northern MN where ice fishing in fish-houses is a thing when the lakes freeze over.
When I was very little, I asked what they were, and when my dad said "fish-houses", I said that was really nice that people gave the fish somewhere to live when the lake was frozen.
Made sense.
ShiningRayde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That you had to pay to work.
Like, the concept of 'doing thing' and 'paying for thing' was inexorably true, and finding a job meant finding one that you paid to do but got paid more for doing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you sat on the toilet while you flushed so it would clean your butt. I guess I thought all toilets were bidets.
Fightmeilikecheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandpa told me that kiwis were monkey testicles, and when he cut it open and I saw the green stuff I ran away scared. He just laughed and ate them.
OneGoodRib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Stop signs had Go on the other side, and there was some guy hiding at every stop sign to flip the sign so people knew when to go. Figured out the truth when I looked out the back window once and saw its just silver metal on the back.
solertai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus made a pact with the Romans. "I'll agree to let you kill me, if you don't take over the world and make it terrible." That's how he died to save us.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was one of the toddlers in the early 80's who thought the Guess Who cards could talk.
I was maybe 3 when my mom got it for me, and I distinctly remember crying my eyes out after opening it... I thought my new friends just didn't want to speak to me.
cking137 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when a baby was born, the umbilical cord was attached to the penis. Then when the parents cut the umbilical cord, they got to decide if the baby became a boy or a girl.
Iisterine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Few of them... Drafts kill more Europeans a year than any terminal illness. Step outside with wet hair from the shower, youre gonna die from a cold. Sit on the pavement and you're going to be infertile
UrSoulHv1chance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8 I thought everybody I see except my family is Extras as in movies and they already done there act and they are preparing to leave.. it was awesome to be a star for a couple of years,,,
rhetoricjams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think sliced pickles came out of my butt when I farted if I was eating a burger at a fast food chain.
Eltwish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For a while I didn't really notice that the word liver was different from lever... so I thought the liver was a kind of lever. And once I saw a picture showing its shape, it all made sense - the liver was like a pinball flipper that launched your food back up your esophagus. That's what the liver was for - it's the organ you use to throw up.
That also reminds me that in 2nd grade when we were asked on a questionnaire what we wanted to learn that year, I had written something like "about the things your body does (like burp and stuff)"... I suppose I still had lingering amazement about the barf-lever.
SkylarTheCreator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother told me that every time a person hiccups, they grow a little. I believed this for far too long and would always want to get the hiccups so I could be super tall.
NilssonSchmilsson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When you move, you trade homes. I was 9
srbesta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid it made perfect sense to me that scientists should use suicidal people in life-threatning experiments. In case they died, hey that's what they wanted anyway.
Clayere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I performed blood magic with a candle that I could get whatever I wanted
christian10_O ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When i was younger i didn't know what "special effects" were so when people died in movie i thought they got suicidal people to die on acreen for the actor.
Sqeaky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in god, then I got over it.
Staxellion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone once told me that while flying moths threw a special dust that left people blind, so I spent the better part of my childhood being an asshole and killing then mercilessly believing I was being a hero. If reincarnation is real I'll probably come back as a moth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that at any time Jehovah would bring down Armageddon on the earth and my whole family would get to live in paradise, without me, because I liked to touch my peeny in the bathtub.
nick_bleuer76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I made my mom buy me a can a Popeye's spinach because I thought I'd be able to rip trees out the ground with my giant muscles.
krankkinder12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That just proves that advertisers are doing a good job.
Tinyquinones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandma told me that Freshen Up gum was filled with embalming fluid. I never questioned it.
JayMcKalister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That America was the greatest country on Earth:(
Starkboy7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religious parents told me that I have to be good and follow gods word or I'll die in a fiery Armageddon. Advice : Don't say that to your young child or they will be fucked up for life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my parents told me that spitting can get you arrested. I still get nervous when spitting near people. I feel like they'll... report me..
LongJohn46 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The rib-woman, the talking snake, Noah's ark..... That I was lucky enough to be one or the privileged, chosen few who had a chance at eternal happiness. I swallowed everything the nuns fed me!
Kamades ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about the priests?
TheRiverRunsRed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Up until I was about 12 I seriously believed that people who didn't speak/understand my language also could not hear me speak. Yeah, it took me that long to realize if I could hear them and not understand them, the same went for them.
Also, back in the early 80's my Uncle had an auto garage. My parents would never let me go hang out there because everything was hot. I didn't understand why my Uncle would keep all this stuff around that people could get burned on. It just seemed very unsafe to me.
ItsFilthyInThere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I was raised Mormon, so basically everything associated with that.
QuasarsRcool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when you farted it reached China in like, 5 minutes
Also, I knew that paper came from trees, but I thought it was made by sticking leaves together in sheets and painting them white.
jorellh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think the solid film that floats atop warmed milk was my grandmother's skin from stirring with her fingers. I drank it anyways.
danderson24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister convinced me that she was an alien...just by saying that she was...
That's it really...I was a gullible child...
ThatguyMalone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When people said "you know what they say" I thought there was just a community of people somewhere that thought up idioms and sayings for people to use in their lives.
I also thought that there was a race of people with fishbowls for heads, because my dad had a counting crows CD ("this desert life") that I listened to growing up.
CovertPhysicist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife use to believe that chipmunks were baby squirrels. They just lost their spots when they got older, "just like deer and pigs". She didn't realize they were different animals until High School.
jimmythekat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That god was real
Squarians ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I told people my grandpa's real name was Pop.
MaddyLuvsTacos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that if you died of old age, it was on your 100th birthday.
_insomnio_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought adults had it all figured out
stateofhappiness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 8/9 years old (early 70's) there was a girl down the street that was a few years older than me and we used to take turns having sleepovers. One time I was staying at her house and her relatives were visiting from another state. The parents were all sitting around the living room and kitchen area playing cards or dominoes and were speaking what I later learned was French Cajun. I had never heard a foreign language before and I asked the girl's mom why they were all speaking in cursive.
Edit: words
Deathless-Bearer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had heard that if you put a magnifying glass in direct sunlight that it would start a fire, so naturally I thought that if you left one out in moonlight it would cause water to fill up the area.
timber63401 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every day that is was sunny was Sunday.
enoch15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That people got cancer from the vices in their life, like kids who ate lots of candy would get stomach cancer, I was young.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That all the stunts in movies where people died were done by very old people who were tired of life and wanted to go out with a bang.
jackgrandal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That whenever they pull you over in Louisiana they flip your car over and start growing drugs out of it. Still afraid to drive through louisiana with Texas plates
pm-me-your-thongz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very young I thought that all adults' names were the same as my parents'. Not sure how I rationalized that one.
LlamaLIama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mormonism
Throwaway_checkbefor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really late to the party but wth. As a kid, I believed that action replays involved players redoing what they did, but repeatedly and slowly.
I was always amazed how players could replicate the steps they did, including the drops, the tackles etc. And hence, replays did not exist when we were playing cos we all sucked and didn't know how do repeat what we did, accurately.
All changed when I was 9 or 10.
tcmaddox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 4 this "big kid" who was my neighbor. Had this little Chihuahua. He told me that when the dog got too excited her eyes would pop out and he would have to dip them in water and put them back in. I'm not proud to admit that I believed that about Chihuahuas until about 10.
TimeForBrud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that before colour TV was invented, everybody saw things in black and white.
sflogicninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Ronald Reagan was a king of the USA.
I also thought the bible was real, word for word.
I was a dumb republican kid
teawreckshero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I figured bullets were shaped like little serrated blades.
mnmnnmnm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that the easter bunny would eat me if i woke up and saw him. haha
Dew_Junkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Elephants live in trees.
My dad would point at trees when I was really little and whisper: "DJ, do you see the elephant up there? Do you???" Me nor wanting to look stupid or dissapoint him, would assure him I did. It would always piss me off though that I could never find them.
Chickenfu_ker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother and my sister are both left handed. Me, my brother and my dad are all right handed. I thought women were all left handed and men were all right handed. I didn't get off the farm much as a boy.
Chickenfu_ker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad also said that if I stepped in pig shit with bare feet that I would cut my foot. Made sense to me at the time.
Abradolf_Lincler1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe people went into the manholes in the middle of intersections at about 1 or 2 AM and proceed to control the above stop light for the next 24 hrs, until shift change. Yup...
KepalaButo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Islamic Faith
Duddyfx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My gf believed in bathroom spirits. She's Thai (superstitious people) and would always have to sing in the shower otherwise the spirits would take her away.
Book8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my cousins head fell off. I swear to this day that i saw that. His head was crying so i called my dad and he was trying to put it back on. He couldn't cause the bottom of my cousin's neck looked like the bottom of a soup can.
Eye_Pod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my toy's were actually alive and sentient.
tsims145 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced automatic flushing toilets were a camera watching you pee and someone back there flushing it for you when you were done. I wouldn't use them.
QwertMuenster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the Earth was infinite. Yep, the sun, moon, and all of the stars were in the atmosphere, just really REALLY far away.
fortigo_salad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That god was real.
Bathsaltzombie1169 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents are both teachers. My parents also have the same birthday (2 years apart, but the same date). I grew up believing that everyone's parents had the same job and the same birthday. If i ever wanted to have kids, I would have had o found someone who had the same job and same birthday.
-deflating ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can vividly remember the moment I realised the implications of money being a limited resource. I recall asking my mum to buy me something from a store on a shopping trip (a toy or something), and I remember being confused when she suggested money was a limited resource. I understood how money worked, and I understood that my Dad went to work every day to earn money for our family, but up until that point, I genuinely assumed everyone must have had a couple of million dollars in savings. I just couldn't fathom that society would just let some people have significantly more resources than other people.
Safe to say, I'm now a full-flown leftard, commie-loving socialist who's all about prioritising human rights over political or ecnomic agendas.
BillGrimes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My great grandmother was very superstitious and spiritual and used to believe in all kinds of things. In her garden, she had a gazebo in between two large trees and she used to hang all of these toy fairies up in the branches and sit in her gazebo and sing to them. When I was younger (up until the age of about 10) I used to believe in fairies because of that. She also believed in mermaids and I used to believe that she was a mermaid that had turned into a human.
Stevieo101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I live in NYC, I used to firmly believe, and be terrified, that I would die by a bear climbing a ladder to get in my window as I slept.
miss0tique ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wholeheartedly believed all adults had mind reading powers. I thought when I reached a certain age I would be disclosed of these so called powers and I would then have them. My parents always seemed to know everything I did, and stuff I got away with. So to me, it didn't seem far fetched.
crispAndTender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For the longest time I was sure that sun and moon were the some thing just less bright at night, till one evening when I saw the moon and sun was still setting, it blew my mind
buttonforest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ridiculous belief as a child was that god was actually the dude from the beginning of Aladdin(yes I know the fan theory that was confirmed that this it was the genie) calmly sitting cross-legged and sewing dolls that would become people before they're born.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Girls are boys who haven't grown penises yet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that one puff of a cigarette will make you severely addicted, that trying drugs once automatically leads to horrible addiction.. it's just not the case it's more of a habit thing and no self control.. eventually they have you but it's not instant like school made it out to be.
A_Very_Big_Fan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One day when I was younger I wanted something from my grandpa and I was too young to realize that a) he was talking to somebody and b) interrupting people was rude. So I kept trying to get his attention and eventually he just turned around and smacked me in the back of the head.
I ran to my mom and she said something along the lines of "yeah, if you make grandpa mad he'll smack your head clean off your head." So for a long time I avoided my grandpa because I was scared of making him mad. I knew it took a lot to make him mad for real, especially when I was that young, but I didn't want to take chances.
Of course, my grandpa thought it was just little kids being little kids, avoiding the scary manly grandparent and gravitating towards the loving gentle grandparent. But nope, I was legitimately terrified that he would take my head off, and I grew up never wanting to hang out with him all because my mom decided to word something a certain way...
Words are scary.
b1gfreakn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Before I understood how traffic lights worked, I thought there was a hidden man controlling them from a lookout somewhere.
Voices818 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the world would flood if you plugged the sink or bathtub and let the water run. I think the fear started after watching home alone when the 'wet bandits' flooded the basement by stuffing rags in the sinks.
Otto_Maller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
From childhood to young adult, I thought ends meet was endsmeat, as in a really super cheap cut of meat. As in, he had to work three jobs just to make endsmeat.
Illmatic_one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
When I saw old television shows in black and white my logic as a child was that it was like that because no one had invented the colors yet. Not just for the TV but for the whole world.
As if before I was born the whole world was in black and white and kinda grey
ColonalQball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that in the news about Iraq and Afghanistan, it was like an indian war over there for some reason. Probably because of the toys I had
TedNougat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Catholicism.
Caperhclo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that when you bought stuff online, it would come out of the printer.
spilledbeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
By sleeping in the same bed as someone, even if they were the same sex, I could get pregnant. By showering with someone, just showering, you could get pregnant, even if they were the same sex. I think I held those beliefs until I was around eight and my sister got one of those books you give to your kids if you don't want to talk with them about sex.
I've also been terrified of someone breaking into my house and murdering me since I was six or seven. My solution to this "problem"? First it was to sleep with pillows over my body, completely under the covers except for a small space to breathe. Eventually I rationalized that you could shoot or stab through a pillow rather easily, so I decided to sleep between my mattress and my wall, sideways, on a box spring, because then the bed wouldn't look like there was a person in it. When I finally realized that you could see the mattress hanging over the box spring I decided to sleep in the closet. I don't remember exactly when I stopped having that one.
ethanpo2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that fireworks were simply massive crayons with large amounts of plastic explosives strapped to them. These would be fired out of a cannon connected to a computer that looked something like this. There was an accident one year at the local fireworks show, so rather than telling me that a guy got his face half blown off, they just told me that the machine broke.
aryzach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't really believe in Santa at this point, or I was in the in between stages of is he real or not, and if I said this certain phrase asking Santa for a toy, that I would get it. Lots of commercials on tv, and I wouldn't necessarily want it, but I'd quietly mumble this phrase. There was something satay ing about saying it, even if I didn't really think I wanted the toy. And I didn't even necessarily believe it would work, it just became a habitual thing I'd do if I kinda wanted something present-like.
aryzach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought having sex was just putting it in then sleeping like that
djiordje ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid my dad (courier driver at the time) told me about how a huntsman was on the roof of his car and jumped on him through the window while he was driving one day. In my mind I pictured Van Pelt from Jumanji attacking my dad through his window while he was driving.. it was a few years before I realised my mistake.
mushroomical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought penises were shaped like mushrooms. Thing is, I have a penis.
LordMitchimus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party but always happy to share.
My grandma convinced me that baby ducklings follow their mother because her butt looks like a giant bread crumb. I eventually grew out of this misconception, but I recently brought it up in coversation with some peers, assuming that everyone had been told this. I was wrong.
IIReignManII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People told me about this guy named Jesus and Christianity...phew, glad I grew out of that shit.
Special_Cow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents taught me and my sibling to chew before swallowing by saying "chew, chew, chew, swallow!". It led me to believe I could only chew 3 times before I swallowed. I choked on my food numerous times before they figured it out.
imscaredoffbi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was scared shitless of Steve from Blue's clues.
I tried to avoid him by moving away from the television, but he kept following me around and asking questions, as if he knew I was there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that every time you broke the sound barrier it weakened, and eventually we wouldn't be able to hear anymore.
SuicidalManatee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed, up until fifth grade, that I was created in a lab to eventually save the world with some sort of super powers.
aryzach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the people in high school and college were so cool and all have great cool beach chill lives with good vibes and good people pretty much everyday. Or at least we're just cool and loved hanging out. It's true but it's more stressful than that
ianme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was afraid that if you made the shower too hot, it would eventually shoot out flames instead of water.
pduffy52 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad worked for the power company. When he had to go out at night for work, I thought he was going to turn on the stars.
Saltillokid11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The orange balls on telephone wires, Google it. As a kid, I thought if ever there was a great flood (like Noah from the good book you hear at Sunday school) those orange balls would float and keep the wires out of the water. Then after I grew up more, I realized they were just to keep the squirrels from crossing from one telephone pole to the next.
rockberry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid in the 70s the Green River Killer was on the loose. My mom and I just pulled into a grocery store parking lot as the newscaster on the radio was talking about him. I asked my mom what was wrong with him. She just said "he's sick in the head." Well, before my last puke I ate Bean w/bacon soup so my puke looked like Bean w/bacon soup. So I just assumed the Green River Killer had Bean w/bacon soup puke in his head.
nxrvxus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my dad was a walking encyclopedia of every band that has ever existed. I believed this until I was about 9.
green_meklar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought wind was created by trees waving back and forth, pushing on the air.
athennna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Home, home on the range... Where the deer and the cantaloupe playyyyyy!"
I could not be convinced otherwise.
TropicalShark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 5 or 6, I believed that actors who died in movies died in real life.
I was a dumb child.
thelemurologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I took words literally when it came to phonetics. I thought a catalog was a book of nothing but pictures of cats sitting on logs. Make-up tests meant I would be made to have make up put on me and people would judge how well I looked in it.
As for serial killer, that one confused me. I didn't know if that meant they liked to kill people using cereal, they killed people while they ate cereal, they killed people and then ate their cereal, or they killed people and then left cereal there as their calling card.
AndyDrew23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had to give my 18 year old girlfriend an astronomy lesson because her dad told her when the big dipper was tipped that meant it was going to rain. She was convinced when it tipped that meant it was going to rain. She's very observant
Jskier88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Way too late to this but whatever. Whenever someone in a movie or TV show would die, I thought they used death row inmates as stunt doubles and that they really died. Didn't realize they could fake a death.
upwardlymobileinnh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Floor is lava.
jmlinden7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I noticed that I tended to feel down when it was overcast or rainy outside. Then I reversed caused and effect and reasoned that me feeling down caused it to be overcast/rain.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad convinced me that Michael and Janet Jackson were one and the same. They never had an album out at the same time, looked similar enough back then, I fell for it completely.
derpygoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always believed there was this creepy weird looking person following me around wherever I went. If I went to Disney world he would be there, Seattle.. I would see him there; some foreign country. ..I'd still see his face in the crowd. For years this guy haunted me and followed me everywhere. It always really freaked me out until I found out it was different people with downs syndrome.
moeph0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would somehow change the world in some capacity. Currently, I am not changing the world. Not at all.
tardarsource ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Believed that the deity was a floating hermaphrodite buddha.
LilSassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would grow up to be happy and secure.
TheBurnedWaffle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little my step dad explained to me that "eau de toilette" (toilet water) Cologne was from Africa and that since they apperently ate a lot of flowers there poop smelt good and that was what the Cologne was. Only recently did I realise how ridiculous this was.
Ebert_Humperdink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there was a giant snake in our air vents. Never saw anything to suggest this was true, I just did.
LetUsTesselate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I could grow up to be a boy. I just wanted to be like my brother.
alisoncarey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Donuts were baked.
mistakenj10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think my parents were monsters in people suits
MonkeysOutOfTheBag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I was under the impression that people actually died in the movies and shows. I knew they were movies and shows and not live videos, but I guess I didn't put it together. It wasn't until I started recognizing the same actors in other projects that my 7 or 8 year old brain finally put it together.
megalodonqueen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother told me growing up that Mary's lamb from "Mary had a little lamb" was eaten alive by her lamb, so I spent my entire childhood scared to death of lambs. All my mother had to do was say "lambs" and I'd immediately cry :/
MaggotCorps999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I got older I could be anything I wanted.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was about 4 yrs old, I didn't realize people could die. I thought everyone in the world lived forever. Realizing my mother would one day be gone forever was a terrifying experience, and I constantly would ask her to please not die.
myinnerbanjo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll give you two:
First, I believed at one point all the world was literally black and white, like on TV. Then one day, WHAM, like Wizard of Oz, everything was in color. And that was why old stuff was B&W, and new stuff was in color.
Second, for some reason also, everyone chewed with their mouth open. Then, like The Day of Colorization, everyone grew up and started to chew with their mouth closed.
Bonus: Santa was God's brother, and God was jealous all the kids loved Santa more.
Eddiebell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think time stood still if I wasn't involved or present.
Bluesdealer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That there really was "a party in every bite."
I was devastated upon encountering these cookies at a birthday party and finding out they had no magic. At first I explained the lack of a reaction because I was already at a party.
hanzdogy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really believed that parts of myself were robotic. I have no idea why. It persisted into high school. I didn't act like a robot or anything, but the idea was always in the back of my mind.
JdoesDDR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glad I'm late so this will get buried, but I thought that you switch genders when your life was halfway over.
baevar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That our elected officials had our best interests in mind.
Cunningpro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought that the song Dirty Deeds by AC/DC said "dirty deeds, thunder cheeks."
myinnerbanjo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think airplanes had super, SUPER long hoses that some poor chap on the ground had to rush and screw, and unscrew, at everyone's houses directly underneath. And that's how they got water for drinking and for the toilet... which, obviously, was immediately dumped. Like birds.
nirgle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:18:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FappyJacky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:18:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my parents were kidnapped by human sized cockroaches, and that they were wearing suits of my parents and taking their place.
Dude what the fuck was I on as a kid.
Gurchimo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:18:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That toboggan was pronounced "TOE-boggin" and not "tuh-BOG-gin"
BOO72687 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Our pediatrician was named Dr. Chua, but we often saw an associate instead, so I never saw her. My brother always called her Dr. Chew-a-bone, so I believed she was a giant bipedal St. Bernard in a white coat.
felandath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought sex meant peeing inside a woman.
StinkinFinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I could see air. And sometimes as an adult it's still seemingly true. Like fog only at much higher than the dew point. I can't explain it but I see something. As a kid I definitely could.
dreamingofcthulhu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For some odd reason, I legitimately thought that pictures of outer space were taken from helicopters that flew upwards into space (Protected by a glass shield to breath) and snapped photos like a news-reporter does. I still have no clue how that idea came to be, but it's my favorite "I was dumb as a child" memory.
plsdontshadowbanme- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but when my youngest sister was about four, she would often rush through a bath so that she could get back to playing with her toys. One night she got out with soap suds all over her because she didn't rinse well enough, and my father told her the soap people were going to come for her in the night. According to him, the soap people would come in through her window, take her away, and chop her up and make her into soap. She didn't really react at first when she was told that.
One night, my family was going to dinner and my mom told my sister to take a bath before we left. She was in there for a while so my mom went and told her to get out of the tub NOW because we were leaving and we were going to leave her there. My sister had a complete fucking meltdown and starting screaming about the soap people. She was crying hysterically and saying "I DON'T WANT THE SOAP PEOPLE TO COME!!! THEY WILL CHOP ME UP, THEY'LL CHOPPPP ME UPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" My mom didn't know anything about what my dad told my sister, so that was a lot of fun for her to deal with.
My dad just sat back and laughed.
guaibro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up in a small city in British Columbia which has a big pulp mill. The mill had a huge steam tower which I firmly believed was the 'cloudmaker' until age 6 or so.
mcmastermind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandma told my dad that she didn't like him running because he only had a certain amount of heartbeats in his life and that sped them up, thus making his life shorter.
I also thought white bread gave you cancer because that's what my Mom told me. It worked, I still only buy wheat bread at age 26.
BayInferna22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That you didn't get pregnant while having sex under the sheets, because God couldn't see you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought pictures had souls and watched me.
KeifKidd22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That fossil fuels were just melted dinosaur bones. I was always worried we were gonna dig up the last T-Rex and run out.
youwigglewithagiggle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That condoms were used by men to take away feelings of wanting to have sex, thus preventing pregnancy. (I'm not totally sure that I knew condoms prevented pregnancy, though)
Powta2King ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
As a kid I thought that vampires were monsters made out of fire and that they'll burn you alive. I had this belief because I also thought that the word vampire was spelled "vamfire".
Booboo_Sousa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that all cats were female and all dogs were male and when they mated, the girls were always kittens and the boys were obviously the puppies.
Blew my mind when we got a female puppy when I was 7. Blew. My. Mind.
My young child-mind didn't care about the gaping holes in this reasoning.
childishgabeno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That sleeping on your left side would cause your innards to pile on and crush your heart when you slept
commander-vimes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My family lives all over the world and I assumed that they stopped whenever I wasn't around. Literally just froze until I landed in their country so that they could prep for my visit. I was a little self centered, apparently.
Kayleitarian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little I was riding in the passenger seat of the car with my dad, and I was touching the buttons on the radio and such. I went to touch the button that releases the parking break and my dad yelled at me to stop, and told me that if I pressed that button, it would eject our seats through the roof of the car. I'm ashamed of how long it took me to realize that was not a real thing.
CUNTRY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the dog that mauled me and ripped the nose off my face was sent away to live on a farm.
desanctus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if one person lived to be 100 years old he would be immortal.
Wolfxskull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think colonel sanders tie was actually his arms and legs
KaptinKograt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was amazed by videogames because I thought programmers had to invidually code every single Pixel.
Datorias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When playing against coms on a game i thought it was people in china payed to play against me and played depending on the difficulty setting
Decertilation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about five I printed blank computer paper thinking I was creating more paper.
Dr-Wolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't wait to have a kid and tell him big fabricated lies about the world. I still do this to other adults, but it's not nearly as satisfying when they call you out on your bullshit.
MarsNirgal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A teacher assistan when I was in kindergarden told me that if I stepped on the dark tiles on a checkerboard floor the devil would take me.
I believed it for around five years.
Captain_Davey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man Dad told me that a "clutch" was a small animal that lived inside the gear shift in his truck that changed the gears for him and he fed it by shoving bread down the shifter. I believed this for years.
caroline_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all boys were older than all girls, because my dad was older than mom. So, j thought my big brother was also older than my mom. 28 years old, I was.
AscendToOblivion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that Vampires lived in toilets, and as a result was terrified to use the toilet of a night time for fear one would bite my bum. Kid logic!
Khaella ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that cartoon characters were real. Like Who Framed Roger Rabbit kind of where the cartoon world was made up but the characters went home to their families at night and recording episodes was their day job.
pjpartypi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but an ex believed well into her 20s that farmers in the country of her birth would wear melons on their head like helmets to stay cool in the fields in the summer. Her dad had told her this and she reported it to me as God's own truth. She asked her dad about it and he claimed never to have said such a ridiculous thing. I hope to troll someone so well some day.
mjswen0923 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Simple: I believed in Santa.
brauhze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:28:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my family and I were astronauts who had traveled in space extensively, around the sun and moon.
TheMagicMST ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Girled cheese.
TheeBaconKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's adult were reasonable and could handle the truth.
DrunkenPandaShavings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandma and mother told my sister and me, that if we swallowed watermelon seeds we would get pregnant. My sister swallowed one by accident and started crying hysterically. I was laughing at her and telling her she was pregnant now. She grabbed me, held me down, shoved a seed in my mouth, and held my mouth closed until I swallowed it. My mom and grandma had a good laugh when we both went crying to them.
seanhodgins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be scared to look up at the moon because I thought there was a dragon living on it.
castleal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was certain that people had to marry each other if their names matched. Henry & Henrietta is a good example. If you couldn't find a person whose name matched yours, you weren't allowed to get married.
Goodriddance214 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nuclear power plants made clouds... All of them...
bape_li ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think when birds fell into the water, they would turn into fish.
CharlesCaviar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That Caucasian people had white colored feces.
GreatGreyGooGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that people where either reincarnations of a T-rex or a sauropod. Depending on the length of a persons neck. I believed this until middle school.
lovewvu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the Underground Railroad was literally a train running underground. I was amazed that a train system could be built under ground without everyone knowing about it. I think I finally discovered the truth in junior high. Yeah, I was pretty stupid for that.
Britacorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I also thought this
darkalemanbr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cars with brighter brake lights had stronger brakes.
Raketemensch23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had doorways throughout the house with the corners decorated with rosettes that looked like bullseyes with a raised knob in the middle. Here are some examples if you don't know what I mean.
I would climb up on the back of the sofa and constantly push the little buttons trying to see if a secret door would open like in the movies.
Shemozzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You were either born as an adult or a child.
JDFitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That people saw things in black and white before color TV was developed
ericdag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was young when Vietnam was ending. The news reports talked about guerrillas fighting and I thought they were talking about apes.
shenanigans38 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I shit you not, me and a friend thought that black people loved anal. Don't remember why but I think it had to do with watching too much porn.
willywag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That when they said on the weather forecast something like "60% chance of rain", that meant it would rain for 60% of the day and be sunny the other 40%.
MHG73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I overheard my dad say that you only get so many breaths in life, and I thought that he meant there's a specific number and once you reach that number, you just die. So if I breathed really fast, like while excercising, I was bringing myself closer to death.
K-Amadoor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad works in the navy. So when I was a kid there was a huge statue of three ships near our home and I thought my dad worked there
Animosu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crossing your arms while sleeping will cause you to have a nightmare. Would always make someone reposition themselves if I thought they were going to fall asleep like that.
linz_in_the_sky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to get so mad because u thought my imagination didn't work right. I thought I should actually be able to see and interact with the things I was imagining, like on TV shows and movies when the characters imagine.
NotSureIfTrolls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not only were roads around when dinosaurs existed, but them walking on the roads created the cracks you would see in the pavement/driveways here and there.
linklovesbombs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought acid rain was deadly.
mxrider499 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed white rice was fly eggs. Why you ask? My comedic father...
afrojoe5000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my handy uncle invented Murphy beds because they had the first one I'd ever seen and Murphy is their last name. Then again, I told my brother one day I'd be older than him and I'd beat HIM up.
ViolentDiplomat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Las Vegas. We had a hotel-casino here called The Sahara. When I was in first grade, we learned about The Sahara desert and how large it was. I thought that the dirt lot across the street from the hotel was The Sahara Desert. I remember being completely unimpressed with what everybody thought was a large desert.
Ganjisseur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:06:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahaha. Born and raised in Vegas myself, that's pretty funny.
XWarriorPrincessX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a babysitter when I was really young. I remember (for some reason lol) that she said she was going to the restroom. I have never heard that term, but I pictured it as some calm room with a white bed that you laid down in to rest. :)
TommyCX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the dick had bones in it... I was told that I was wrong in 10th grade.
Buckshot8500 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That every single streak of smoke left in the sky by a jet or plane was the evil witch from the Wizard of Oz coming to seize my soul.
emo_trash_cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt told me that if I drank enough milk my boobs would grow. They never did.
Lamb-and-Lamia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That every Good Friday was cloudy and rainy (it wasn't so I have literally no clue how this worked to me honestly) because God was mourning on the anniversary of Jesus's death.
I also thought it was very possible that there were secret rooms in my house, in areas that could not possibly exist because they clearly right next to the outside. Like I had no concept of connecting the way my house looked outside from the way it looked inside.
NorthernCanadianGame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I told my kids I was Born in a Volcano, They repeat this regularly
knurttbuttlet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think white people would eventually turn into black people. I don't know if it was because my dad was really tan or something else. I got super disappointed when one of my friends wasn't turning into a black person and I was bummed out that I wouldn't turn into black person. That's when I moved on to believing a girl when she said she was a witch and I had x-ray vision. I swear to god I was completely retarded the first few years of my life.
princessknives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I learned how to read when I was really young and figured out that most of my toys were made in China. I was terrified that angry Chinese people were going to break into my room and steal the toys back.
ukturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my parents cared about me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That God was a deity that hung about watching over me specifically.
NotSteveMcqueen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The shining (tv series) messed me up for a few years. The part where the kid goes into the bathroom and pulls back the shower curtain, the green chick gets out of the bathtub and starts walking towards him. Yeah. When I woke in the night to go piss, I always stood on the one side of the tilet so that bitch couldn't sneak up behind me, also I didn't flush and tiptoed out so as not to disturb her. 4 year old me Said fuck that noise
PyrotechnicDinosaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late but... Both my parents were lawyers so I just assumed that when people said adult they meant lawyers, so when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would insist that I wanted to be an adult
yourfavoritevegan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad told me that once when he was a kid, a sewer rat came up through the sewage pipe into the toilet bowl and tried to bite his butt. So, for most of my childhood, I was terrified of a nasty sewer rat appearing in the toilet bowl and biting a chunk of my butt off.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad convinced me that picking my scabs would give me cancer. I believed that until my late teens.
abbylouwhoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a poultry plant near where I live that produces a lot of steam, so when I was little I thought it was a Cloud Factory.
alexwasnotavailable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up in a city with a clean coal power plant, and thought the smokestacks made the clouds. When I drive by there even still today, the white smoke looks like clouds to me.
Juststartedhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cats were all girls and dogs were all boys. Had that until i was like 12.
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In before "hur dur I believed in god"
PM_ME_THIGHHIGHS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Since the Harry Potter and the philosophers stone movie came out, I always thought wherever a large area covered in shadow the troll from the movie was out to get me.
ic_engineer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad likes to tell a story I don't even remember believing. Apparently when I was a child I told him that I knew how "leafs get on trees" and that when old people die they crawl up a tree to the end of branches and turn into a leaf. He told this story in his speech at my wedding. It was terrible.
frozzenpeas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that the bone that sticks out of your back when you touch your spine was there when they clipped your angel wings before you were born.
blueglove92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my mom on was pregnant with me, my sister (who was five at the time) thought I was going to be a devil child when I was born because of the X-Files episode. She cried a lot.
fedupwithpeople ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party, so this will probably get buried, but here goes:
TL;DR: I used to think that men grew multiple penises as they got older.
When I was 5 or 6 (maybe 7, IDK), I used to think that men grew multiple penises as they got older. I'm female, and (thankfully) had never seen a grown man's penis at that point in my life. I had seen a cow's udder, and I had seen my cousins' (shaddap, it wasn't like that) single-nozzle 'equipment'... I put 2 and 2 together, and decided that the larger bulge in the pants must be from multiple 'nozzles'...
Startraveller42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a child I believed that God pulled a blanket over the earth so we would go to sleep and that stars were little holes that the sun could still shine through.
Goat_fish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told me my teeth would explode if I drank soda or juice after brushing them.
As I grew older I assumed she meant the toothpaste and soda would have a bad reaction but not actually blow up. I believed this in to my teens.
harrypotterandthekkk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That every person with Downs Syndrome were related.
maybenotJuju ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that the noise a jet made was really the incredible hulk trying to hunt me down. So I would hide so he couldn't find me.
carifreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
During the early times in history that are shown on tv without color, those people saw one another in black and white like a dog.
Then when color tv's were created the people could see color too.
jungyumguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older brother convinced me when I was a kid that baby corn, despite its obvious looks, was not little corn but actually sea urchin. I believed this until I was in college.
iWhisky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that clouds are made of garbage because my father told me so, and that every single country was an island.
eiramikkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but my younger sister. When she was 3 she got the chicken pox and when my mom told her what she had she screamed and cried because she thought she would turn into a chicken
biamalik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a child, I looked at concrete sidewalks that glittered in the evening, and was absolutely convinced that the builders were thoughtfully installing streetlights for pigeons...
Picklestasteg00d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought printers made free paper. When I visited my mom's work, I just kept spamming the print button. I thought I was saving the environment. Then I found out it just lays ink on paper.
I also thought cows made cheese and yogurt. I'd imagine some cow shooting strawberry yogurt out of its udders. I also didn't know only female cows could be milked.
BolonelSanders ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was a C-Section baby and knew it for as long as I can remember. Problem was that I didn't know that C-Sections weren't the norm, so I assumed all babies had to be born by cutting the mom open. I don't remember when or how I learned about regular births but it was a long time. At least I wasn't the kid from my middle school who believed that moms poop babies out their butt hole. He swore by it because his "mom told him so."
My sister told me one time that if you ate the "Magic Shell" chocolate syrup that you put on your ice cream before it hardened, that it would permanently harden inside your stomach. She told me this as I was eating unhardened Magic Shell. I believed her and spit it all out. She also told me the thing about watermelon seeds turning into watermelons in your stomach while I was eating watermelon and I believed her.
My ex girlfriend told me she believed for a long time that cartoon characters were actually people in costumes being filmed.
Magzire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought we live inside the planet, was 4 or something
moltenuniverseplease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For a brief period after learning a lot about dinosaurs, I convinced myself that dinosaurs weren't actually extinct, they were just "really far away," living in deserts, in regions of the world we hadn't discovered. The first kid I told this to agreed with me, and I felt awesome and smart. But then I think I tried to convince my cool aunt, and she set my ass straight.
Holymolyyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I genuinely believed that if a snakes head was cut off, it would grow back.
Sir_Droolsalots_Mom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that chocolate milk came from black cows and Holstein cows, and strawberry milk came from the rusty red cows. I would get into arguments with friends and family until I was about 6 years old.
3riversfantasy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I genuinely believed that if you held a large shell to your ear you could hear the ocean, that somehow shells had both capacity to capture sound and play it back...
bibbidybobbidyboobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some glib wanker probably said the 'you can hear the ocean' thing to you.
SexMetalBarbie_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought a whale lived in the > 2 ft deep creek by my house.
BezziVelinov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A friend in elementary school told me once that the devil would come up through your floor at night and take you to hell if you lied. Then the next day he'd come back and close up the hole..... thaaaaats kind of fucked up now that I think about it, but I believed her and was scared at night for a little bit.
ThatTattooedChick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents have the same middle name, spelled the same way and eveything. As a child, I thought that everyone had to have the same middle name in order to get married. This not only concerned me because my middle name is feminine and I'd have a difficult time finding a gentleman with the same name, but also because I go by my middle name. I worried about the inevitable confusion that would ensue between myself and my future husband for quite some time.
Bonus: I also thought deviled eggs were "doubled" eggs because you cut them in half. I feel like my reasoning was pretty sound.
PcPhile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that my dad was a rodeo star.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God watched me poop.
Dlight98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A kind of solipsism. I thought everyone else was a robot and I was the only real person.
I also apparently thought that babies grew out of teddy bears. I think I was like 3 at the time though, so theres that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People were spying on me in the drain of my shower
Chief_Nuclear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember watching a lot of television, and when people died on television I thought they died in real life. I always was confused when watching things like deadliest warrior because I had no idea the kind of editing and trickery people could do to make it seem so realistic.
Lepidopteria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is embarrassing but true.
When I was little, maybe preschool age, I was always puzzled by the fact that the picture frames in the store already had pictures in them. I have this really clear memory that my understanding at the time is that the reason there are SO MANY frames in all the stores that sell picture frames is that you have to go looking for the pictures of people that look like you and your people. I thought there were so many people in the world and so many different picture frames, ready filled with pictures, that at some point you would be in a store and find one that looks a bit like your family. It's one of those incredibly strange, dream-like childhood beliefs that has stuck with me. I don't remember when I grew out of it or where I possibly got that idea from but I still look at picture frames in stores a bit too long to this day and wonder about the stock photos in them. Who are those people? Will the matching family find their frame one day?
l0rdishtar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Santa Clause, the Easter bunny and Jesus
EB8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was six or seven, I thought that if you didn't have any money, you just wrote a check and that was the end of it. I didn't realize that checks were money.
PointForward3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my parents would pay for college
katrivers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had seen the movie Ghost, and was wowed by how the beam of light took him up to heaven. For a while, whenever I saw a ray of sunshine through the clouds (like this), I thought that it was people who had died and were being beamed up to heaven.
lomaymay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very young, I vividly remember re-inflating a helium balloon I got from a fair with my own breath and being extremely confused as to why it wasn't floating.
KingSora08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Girls would love you if you are super nice all the time.
nsew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that after people would get married and went on their honeymoon, they would get to their condo, pull their pants down and Moon the people on the beach. Didn't think twice about it, it was just what you did, it was right.
ELMO2734 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think gnomes worked in traffic lights
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I though I was the only one who could do crosseyes and blur my vision. Thought i had fuckin super powers
madracer27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that if I fell asleep with my head under the covers, I'd have nightmares. Ironically enough, the few times where I did that, I actually did have nightmares.
jonnyb61 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once got a happy meal with my dad. As he was driving he drank some soda. I was in like the first grade and I remember d.a.r.e. was a really big thing then. I was very serious, I said, "dad, don't drink and drive". He busted out laughing.
Ch4rlie_G ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That Abraham Lincoln was black
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a little kid (about three or four years old), I watched the movie Space Jam religiously, and I ended up becoming a huge fan of Michael Jordan because of it. I decided that I wanted to be Michael Jordan when I grew up, and thought that all I had to do for that to happen was get really good at basketball. I didn't quite understand that, no matter how good I was at basketball, I'd never be able to cross the race barrier to become black.
adlerdiaz96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty late so it'll probably just get buried, but as a child I was convinced that armadillos were invisible until they died. I literally did not see a live armadillo until I was 16 years old but have seen dead ones on the road all the time.
TriCyclopsIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought people really died in violent movies. If someone got shot in a movie, that was it, dead.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that women would grow beards to the same extent as men, and that every girl would shave like 3 times a day or something ridiculous like that to never have any sign of facial hair.
Carter_761 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought when you went through puberty that you would grow a third testicle. Dr. Evil counts three testicles when he gets hit by the asteroid in Austin Powers 3 and I was too young to realize that it was a joke. I didn't know I was wrong until around 10 or 11.
usingthetimmy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed my brain was in my wrist. Every time I watched TV, I squeezed my wrist to see if it had become mushy.
nanimoiwanai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother told me that if I drank anything red while I was sick that I would throw up no matter what. I think it was only because she didn't want my siblings and I to drink the red kool-aid.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That you had to hold your breath to fall asleep.
dancingcheesepuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was really little, I though the radio was actual bands playing live. No one told me different and I always wanted to go to the radio station to see them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I picked a scab 'til it fell off, I'd have to get my arm amputated.
CraKaJaK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the word vagina was actually wagina. I even argued it in class to my female teacher.
spiralout1123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late, but I thought that you had three compartments: food, desert, and miscellaneous. This is how I justified wanting desert and not dinner.
ThunderBr0ther ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told by my mum and a few other family members that Moths can eat / nibble away at your big toe. I dont really know why but I believed it until i was about 8/10
thealphabetizer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I stick my head in a swarm of gnats, that they would clean my hair. I believed this way to long, thanks to my mom.
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So how long was it till you started using shampoo?
amandapillar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always believed I had some power over the elements or some shit. I would practice pyrokinesis in my room cringes.
Dick_Going_In ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God
thug-pug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I legitimately thought that God was my father, not just in a metaphorical sense. Growing up attending a strict Catholic school we learnt that we were all "children of God", unfortunately I took this literally and whenever somebody asked what my father's name was, I would say God. I was about 8 when I learnt it was just a figure of speech.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that their were only 5 parts of the human body that collated with our existence.
noodleboiler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought every road went to its named place. Like France Avenue went to France.
Thats-Alot-of-Nuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That girls peed through their butts
Jackjones15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That God existed
bibbidybobbidyboobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That words for small quantities like few, couple, several, described a quantity of the same amount of items as there are letters in the corresponding word. If I had three M&M's I'd had a few, but if I'd eaten seven, that was several.
gerchling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 5 or 6 I thought that everyone learned to pee standing up when they grew up, so I tried to pee standing up cause I figured I was a "big kid" and it was time.
I have a vagina so it did not go well.
rain-67 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought backup singers were there to remind the singer what the words were because they'd repeat the lyrics.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your priest had some interesting preaching topics.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
when coming back from friend's house in evening: somehow running at night instead of walking reduced the chance of UFO abduction
thepaintballplayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you didn't fall asleep by 9:11 pm, the cops would come and take you away.
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well your parents had creative ways to get you to bed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
jesus
Crazycatcollegekid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That food chicken and animal chicken are completely different things
grahamismyshepherd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told me that each time I cursed I would get a black dot on my tongue, don't worry it's total bullshit
C4tcrus4d3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be Catholic
krilee927 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Teenagers were the meanest. 20+ years later, I believe it still holds some truth.
AngelFire23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that everything was in black in white until sometime in the 60's (obv. because all video from that time was in b&w). I remember asking my mom about it when I was about 7 or 8 and being frustrated because I couldn't communicate my question to her properly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine aren't nearly as comical as the rest:
I seriously believed I was going to die over the summer after 5th grade, because I couldn't imagine myself in middle school, dealing with changing classes and having a locker.
Also: I knew that my dad had been married once before he met my mom. So when I found a picture in the family photo album of some baby I didn't recognize, I became convinced I had a secret half-sister that no one was telling me about.
vvencill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 6, my father had a cigar cutter in his hand and I asked what it was since I never seen such a device. He told me it was used to cut fingers off. I believed that until I was 19 since I've never really seen a person smoke a cigar and use one. Lets just say my dad laughed his ass off when I told him this newly found information while I felt like a dumbass.
the02guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but one of my high school buddies thought that cats were girls and dogs were boys until he was 9.
entotheenth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everytime there was a loud bang or bright flash, I looked for a mushroom cloud and waited to get roasted. All sand was quicksand too.. The 60's sucked with the 'duck and cover' public service ads.
drdeadringer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Baby showers were parties where you would watch a baby take a shower.
Fourth grade was a surprise.
liawookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little and watched movies I distinctly remember thinking that every person that appeared for the slightest moment in the movie had at least one movie made about themselves. So every time there was a scene with a huge crowd I always thought that there were thousands of movies about each one of those people. I thought everyone had a movie that they were the main character of.
Zombiebucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's called life, my friend.
littlebritches420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My grandpa told me alligators live in trees. Believed that shit for Gayyyy too long
Nana_L0VE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sex was laying naked in bed with someone.
kachipoirier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People were made on an assembly line in a factory.
Silentbunny95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That chocolate milk came from a brown cow.
spaceman_fooof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My closest friend in lower school told me that this girl wanted to give another friend of ours a blow job. I was pretty sheltered and too afraid to ask at that age what a blow job was, so I continued to believe that it was being paid for blowdrying her hair... Man, my eyes were opened when I learned it involved the peen
Themightyoakwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know those bean shaped things from Inside Out? I used to believe things just like that were inside my body making it work.
kachipoirier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When buying candy the price of 1 cent or 5 cents per item was actually for 1 fair handful.
ItsAWisconsinThing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had really dry itchy skin (thanks eczema) and my aunt convinced me the sound of me itching at night would attract mice and make them crawl up the bed. Mice crawling on my bed is still an illogical fear I have today at 20.
ThreeTries ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the soul was an internal organ.
Quarkus13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older sister admitted to think the the Badlands in South Dakota were were people abandoned their bad children. She told me tbis over 20 yrs after our family vacation to that park.
Googalyfrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow i had the idea that you had like two esophagus (tubes in the throat). One was for food down to the stomach and one was where what you drank would go down.
Not sure where i thought the liquid/drinks ended up but since you have separate solid and liquid waste coming out one end it made sense to me that like your mouth/throat kinda automatically send both down a different systems.
kachipoirier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In Vancouver Canada we have a food chain called white spot that serves burgers. I thought they were straight up racist and only white people were aloud. I asked my father why we came here as I didn't like this as a 6 year old....then he broke it to me that it's just the name.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late, but as a kid I thought that the Mucinex mucus people would jump out of anywhere and infect me with cooties
Yukajumbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Growing up we frequently visited my grandmother who lived near DIA (Denver International Airport). I would always look out the car window and stare at http://imgur.com/GWhyjCY these weird things in the fields surrounding her home. When I asked my grandma what they were, for whatever reason, she told me "That's where the president goes to buy his groceries." I believed Aurora to be full of strange geodesic POTUS-Marts for an embarassingly long time.
Bad-Science ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that the clouds never changed as they went by, and their motion was because the earth was rotating but the clouds were not.
I thought that if you waited a year, you'd see the exact same clouds go over again.
kachipoirier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Our grampa would go to the flea market each week to sell shit and we always wondered what business he had with fleas.
wrongasrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I watched a lot of bad "cop" shows back in the 70's. Based on what I saw, I thought that fire escapes were basically there to give criminals a way to escape - yes, I knew they were called "fire escapes," but as I had never seen them used for their intended purpose, I just never thought about the name. I even asked my mother one day they would put them on buildings if criminals were bad people.... she got a bit of a laugh. I grew up in the suburbs, so, again, the only real exposure I had to them was through bad tv.
Blackenedwaves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That every country spoke a different language and the U.S. spoke French
colorsofshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Totally thought the car would magically split in half if the hazards came on. I never sat behind my mom because she didn't have the steering wheel.
I thought all red cars were pourche (spelling???)
I thought Oprah was my mothers best friend.
kachipoirier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the underground railroad was an actual underground railroad.
Auto_Text ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you took medicine that you didn't need it would give you whatever it was supposed to help with, e.g. eating a cough drop would give you a cough.
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is the basis of homeopathy! ... sort of.
Acode37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid and had a cold, I thought the green snot I blew into the tissue was my brain coming out. I would freak out. I was a little idiot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Any artist has to burn his/her drawings (if resembles human being) before the drawings demand the artist to give them his/her soul so they can be alive... it only happens if the artist is dying. Which made my younger self slept in trepidation for several months. But then I read about cartoon makers, manga authors, and other comic book drawers, which lead a life normally, without being bothered to burn their collections. Since then I kept my drawing collection in peace.
Pleasuredinpurgatory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the fire hydrant "planted" behind our swimming pool was there to reduce our fire insurance on the house. Turns out my dad always wanted to have a fire hydrant and bought one off a demolition site. Mom was not amused when he finally let on it was just for show. Dad humor, what can you do?
jbjxxxii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That inside every car radio there was a tiny little band making the music being played.
KenMicMarKey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a child, I believed the Earth to be shaped like a peanut. The equator was closer to the Earth's core and therefore warmer than the rest of the world, while the poles were so far away, and that's why they were frozen.
kachipoirier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Baby showers were a large shower party for chicks that men were not aloud to go to.
1138_thx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That people meant what they said. :/
satchel007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That most foods grew on trees. Hot dogs? Trees. Oreos? Trees.
Twitterpatted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older cousin had me convinced that you could get pregnant by eating peanut butter. I a Voided it subconsciously until adulthood
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My father will come back.
hah
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sends you happy internet vibes
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:22:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's ok. I got over it after he didn't. No worries, he's missing out on his adorable grandson haha jokes on him
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like having kids for revenge ;)
jhangel77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I shook the TV during an Emergency Test Broadcast, the newscasters would report an earthquake. I guess I thought the newscasters lived in the TV or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought movies were real life. That someone with a camera followed the lead his whole life and then released the tapes. I was astonished at how many wives this one particular guy had, and that he lead secret multiple lives.
SendMeNothing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When listening to CDs, I imagined tiny people playing the music in the CD player.
Also, as a german native, I thought there was a chance that the explorer's icon on my grandpa's pc's desktop might have to do with "explodieren" (explode) so I was afraid of clicking it.
Afraid and curious. Edit: formatting.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So how did you unscrew your belly button ^
uhaul26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I use to watch football as a youngin and the quarterback was sacked, I thought it meant they got hit in the nuts.
DarthKlipsch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young, I thought my dad was actually a decent human being. Now I realize he's just an alcoholic that likes to drink and drive. In addition to being a giant racist.
m3richieb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid, I used to think all adults were smart. They had wives, kids, houses, and cars. When I became an adult, I realized most people were idiots.
Pikman14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that "suing" someone meant to push them off of a very high building in a densely populated city.
Hit_with_big_stick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mustaches grew from your boogers. It got me to not pick my boogers.
jennyfromthesault ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that when a pregnancy was at its end, the baby would literally just come sliding out and it wouldn't put a stop to your day. I also asked my mother if babies could explode inside of your body and for quite some time believed this to be true. What the hell is wrong with me...
youeatdogfood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On the highway I thought that there was a "leader" car that led the way for everybody and that Spider-Man was always driving it.
OrbaliskBane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that little people worked inside the traffic lights to operate them.
pirinjaspawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that because I didn't notice myself breathing, it must mean that I hold my breath all day!
Then I would sit down and consciously try to hold my breath as long as possible. When I noticed that I only lasted 10 seconds or so, I came to the logical conclusion: I must only be able to hold my breath when I am not paying attention to it!
I am not an intelligent person....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everyone had dicks, and that when people had their wedding day kiss they were inseminated with a 3rd trimester baby instantly. To this day vaginas seems weird.
Meesenotmoosen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That your food went down the "food tube" in your throat and liquids went down a "liquid tube". Soup blew my mind.
Danmingle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought ramen noodles were called Soup-A-Guy. That's what I called it as a kid, my parents thought it was cute and called it that too. Went to a friend's place and was asked what flavor ramen I wanted. I told them that what they were making was actually Soup-A-Guy. Very hard to save face after that one.
84121629 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late but I was genuinely convinced Gushers would turn you into fruit monsters.
Lightsandlikes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know those white plastic devices in pizza boxes with 3 or 4 legs connected to a circular top? I always thought they were mini-tables meant for your pizza.
carlyhs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a little girl in first grade, I couldn't learn about Abraham Lincoln because I thought that I was the one who killed him.
barcode1555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kissing was so gross that only married couples could be persuaded to do it. Meaning every time a scriptwriter wrote a kiss, they had to find a pair of married actors to play the parts.
EwokaFlockaFlame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought cattle guards were cattle egrets because the egrets and always walking around cattle. Cattle guards are the pipes to stop cattle from getting through an open gate.
bellar1na ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Family took me to the Aquarium when I was 4. I was disappointed to learn that sharks don't actually make the music from Jaws.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought new shoes made me run faster until I was like 13 years old.
writergeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom told me that sperm have teeth and that people scream during sex because the sperm are biting them. I eventually figured it out at some point. Ironically, I grew up to be a lesbian. Sometimes I mess with my mom and tell her that this story is the reason why I turned out gay.
NowHowCow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that if I took really small sips that I could breathe trace amounts of oxygen from water.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend who thought the ice cream truck was all out of ice cream when it played music (her parents told her this).
I also thought people got pregnant by simply praying for a baby. I would get so confused when I would hear women talk about how they were having trouble conceiving - I thought the solution was obvious, they just needed to pray harder.
mvicsmith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought people speaking in a foreign language were just talking in fake jargon to make me feel bad that I couldn't understand them...:(
spanktanker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my uncle's first name was Tio. I didn't put 2 and 2 together until about 6th grade when my Spanish teacher went over the family names on the first day of class. Doy.
NotSorryIfIOffendYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:36 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was convinced women peed from their butt until I was 12.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I touched any kind of leaf, a small lizard would come out of it and eat me. My mom unsuccessfully tried to habituate me to leaves because of this fear.
Monster-Zero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That having body hair aa a dude was the result of having too much body fat.
I grew up in the 80s, and Schwarzenegger and Stallone and all these dudes were ripped as hell, just like all the comic book superheroes. Surely body hair == fat.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought that God was watching me 24/7 so I would often try to cover myself while I used the bathroom. As a precursor to my showers I would politely ask God not to look. I masturbated for the first time at age 17, after I lost my virginity.
edit: for the record I'm pretty sure even if I were still a Christian I would find that goofy. I'm not trying to join the 3edgy5me atheist contingent here!
WilliamDark247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was not a sociable child and felt like the world was centered on myself due to my youthful tunneled world view. I would have rants about my problems to an invisible audience, that was centered on me.
lil_nutsack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that my parents were secretly paying my friends to be my friends. This idea stayed in the back of my head until I started high school.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the world wasnt in color until television was.
SillyMilly88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that I could breathe underwater by drinking water instead of inhaling. Didn't die though.
Piggly_two ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the ripples in flowing rivers were crocodiles....I live in rural Canada.
-Rena- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think you could marry your sibling. One day I ended up mentioning this to some girl at my school and she gave me the weirdest look. And thus, I realized that incest was wrong.
I also used to believe that you could get pregnant by kissing. I guess I wasn't a very smart child. :/
BiggerBangTheory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once had an argument with a classmate that no... you're wrong... it's called TRANSYLVANIA. Pennsylvania is just something made up.
I was so certain I was right....
I'll save you the Google search. I was wrong. Pennsylvania does indeed exist.
Michelle_ma_belle16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was very young, and we would wait at traffic lights, my parents would start blowing air at the lights right before they would change. I copied them, and they always told me "blow the light green" when we were stopped and had waited a good amount of time. I thought that I was magic. 90% sure that this was the start of a huge childhood superiority complex.
Qwertycwer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that younger and older Michael Jackson were different people, and based off of his voice during the Jackson 5 era, I pictured what was actually young Michael Jackson as Lindsay Lohan.
liza321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that vampires lived in the toilet and they would wake up every time I flushed... I would wash my hands, flush, and then run as fast as I could...
staticpunch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that women gave birth to girls and men gave birth to boys. I was totally flabbergasted when my parents told me that my mom had me (female) and my brother.
DeuceSevin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe in an imaginary man who would reward good children and punish bad children. I believed this until I was about 8. But I was a naive kid. I believed in Santa Claus too.
Brianna-Girl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's this abandoned pub by a railway station near where I live. My dad went to Spain when he was little. I thought that abandoned pub was Spain... for some odd fucking reason.
I cried all night because I couldn't imagine why my dad would be staying in this desolate, rundown building for a week and I felt worried for him.
TasxMia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid, I remember seeing a mini fridge and microwave in my classroom, so I naturally assumed my teacher slept in the classroom and had a wall bed (those beds that pull down from the wall).,
xesexesexesex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought vagina was vachina, like the country, and I couldn't figure out why a body part was named after a country. I even asked my mom when I was like 5. She didn't even understand what I was asking her and was upset I was talking about sex parts.
TheGirlWithTheFace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought brothers and sisters had to get married. I freaked out when I found out my cousin wasn't marrying her brother. My mom had to hold in her laughter when explaining things to me, questioning who I, who only had one sister, would marry.
I very calmly told her I knew we would marry the kids of our family friends, who only had boys, as sort of an even exchange. It made sense to me.
Birdpersonwubuhlubuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always imagined that the song "It wasn't me" by Shaggy was about two people accidently locked in a bathroom together naked and had to "bang" on the bathroom floor in hopes someone would hear them and help them out. "Picture this we were both but naked banging on the bathroom floor... how could I forget that I had given her an extra key"
TrueEnuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For waaay too long did I believe my father when he told me he knew Arnold Schwarzenegger, that they were buddies from his youth, and that his name was actually Arne Nilsson before he changed it. I used to love his movies and as the little naive shit I was, I started believing this, one day I think it was my sister who had to break it to me, utter disappointment followed needless to say.
BigDickHobbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I firmly believed that if I swallowed watermelon seeds a watermelon would grow inside me.
Ylatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought old photos were in black and white were because everything was black and white and we only invented colour recently.
CTU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows...yeah I really believed that.
Snicklefritz25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought tiny men lived in radios and street lights and controlled them for us.
skywardswedish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was certain that men carried sperm in their saliva and it would transfer to women during kissing and that's how babies happened.
I was 12.
SofaSurfer14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The sun is following me
Footyking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother convinced me that all of the grain silo's around the area (small town texas) were actually missile silos.
sellyourdoor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad worked in the claims department of an insurance company. He'd come home with stories about how his insured hit someone.
I thought for probably two years that he worked for a company that sent drivers to hit other cars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I did not exit the bathroom before the dirty water completely went down the drain, I would die
alanstanwyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the entire world when my parents grew up was in black and white. Those old shows from their era was what things looked like..
Brianna-Girl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh, I've got a good one!
I remember when I was little, vehemently believing that you can only have one family role in life. If you're a father, that's it, you're a father, you can't also be someone's brother or someone's son.
I remember when my grandma used to call and I once heard my father say "Bye, mum." Confused, I was like "What?... Why did you call her "mum"?" and he said "Because she's my mother, Brianna." and I said "Hahaha, what? You're my dad, what are you talking about? She's not your mum, she's my grandma.".
It resulted in me getting very frustrated with my dad's silliness and I basically thought he was lying to me, which really really pissed me off (I had a tendency to get angry at things I didn't understand when I was little).
From that point forward, whenever I heard him say "Bye, mum.", I'd tell him to stop saying it because it wasn't funny anymore, and my parents would just laugh at me.
Now I realize the ridiculously flawed logic because obviously I was a sister and a daughter, so why could I not put 2 and 2 together?
99BottlesOfMemes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I would play Burnout 3 my friend told me that there were real drivers in the cars and even they crashed they got new drivers.
It's scary because I kept playing
xarcerts-girlfriend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that penises were kind of like ballpoint pens, and they just had a ball at the tip that kind of moved when the guy had to pee.
thisissaliva ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A few years before going to school, I asked my sister (4 years older than me) why she didn't have a penis like me. She calmly replied that it was because they cut it off when you get to the 1st grade. I remember that I didn't even panic, I think I just accepted it and decided to enjoy those last few years.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That digging a hole in the sand in the playground during recess that would take me through the center of the earth and out the other side to China was possible and could be done by a kindergardener in enough time to finish before the end of recess.
MortalShadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom said that if you drink or eat food gone bad you'll get a disease where you poo out your mouth. I was very afraid of food being bad, and have a habit of routinely checking the gone by dates
Swatson55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly believed that everybody was a robot who were controlled by some higher being who had placed me in this position to test me and see the actions I took throughout my lifetime.
DarkChoclate77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Way too late to this thread but I had a friend, when he was younger, that thought black people were black because they ate too much chocolate
distracted_x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, and riding in the car, every time we passed a sign that said "do not pass" i thought it meant we were not allowed to go past that sign, and since we did i thought we were gonna be in big trouble. I was scared we were gonna get pulled over by the cops.
PureElitism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That all grandmother's were called Lesslie, as both of mine were.
That I would amount to something :'(
creativeplease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That bad guys in movies were actual criminals in the real world. These criminals were used to play the bad guy roles, so when they were killed off in the movie, it was doing society a justice.
chemicalvelma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I knew what sex was, but did not relate it at all to procreation. I thought that when you got married, your body would just know and you'd get pregnant. Needless to say it was really confusing for me when my 17 year old cousin knocked up his girlfriend...
thatsimprobable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that if I rewound the (VHS) movie and watched it again, the ending would change.
I was disappointed for much of my childhood.
TortillaRollerDerby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That other people could read my mind. Once in a while it creeps back in when I am out in public and I need to get outside, away from people, asap. I should be on medication...
tttrrrooommm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
from watching commercials, i used to think that my head would actually explode into a giant fruit if i ate a Gusher... or if i ate Coco Puffs, everything around me would turn into chocolate. fucking commercials had me terrified of eating these foods
IForgotMyPasswordSo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everyone had an 'Ami' cause my mom's friend told me she was from Miami.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the really old dark suntanned women in Florida were a separate species of person.
That cartoon characters actually were alive but just lived far away.
Lemwell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The entire bottom of this post is just god
wightspyder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that lock jaw was like the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. I heard about it on a commercial and i learned what it was and i was fucking terrified of it.
Questioning_Mind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Swimming pools had sharks in them.
MadAlchemistAU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Santa.
Razorback19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That at one time everything was in black and white and that's why older movies were in black and white. I always wondered who it was that discovered color and couldn't imagine living in a world without color
Mexicantankerous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sidewalk cracks were made by dinosaurs
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I always saw movies where there was little / no gravity, people floating in space, etc...
When discussing this with one of my older cousins, I always thought that there was a place that was created by "movie people" where you can flip a switch and gravity would disappear allowing people to perform those scenes.
I was severely disappointed when he told me there was no such thing and that they used different techniques to that seem like there is no gravity. I did not feel shame or embarrassment since I was still a bit young....but yea....
SirBrass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would be awesome if it existed.
Henkersjunge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:43:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot which movie but one spend quite a lot of money to film inside a dropping airplane to get those weightlessness shots.
mabo516 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay so when I was a small child I would occasionally hear people in real life and in movies say "sorry for your loss" and such. And whenever someone said that I assumed they had actually lost where their relative or deceased was and they were just out in the woods somewhere lost.
BugtrainerJoey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that everyone had brown or black hair (that turned grey or white when you got old) and all blonde and red haired people just had there hair dyed
hydra1970 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that the sun was going to Supernova in the very near future. Was figuring out what to do to survive it. I think I was about 5.
jehull24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that someone was in charge of the numbers for next year and that it didn't go numerically for some strange ass reason..
Mumofalltrades63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Dad worked for Sears, so my Mum ordered almost everything from the Sears catalog. I thought that's how people had babies; they ordered them out of the Sears catalog.
crazyheather ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That cars would explode if left running for a while. I was terrified any time my parents would leave me in a running car.
UXM6901 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the underground railroad was an actual railroad underground that transported slaves North if the Mason-Dixon line to freedom. Didn't realize this was untrue until high school.
mabo516 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another belief I had was that dreams were shared among every one of your friends, I had this really cool dream and my friend was in it so I asked my friend about it and he didn't remember seeing what I saw, I still really wish this was true.
Evolved_Star_Dust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Super-powered Zombie Space Jew.
SAGNUTZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That ever baby ever born was an accident.
nickyfox13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Artichoke hearts were like human hearts and beat if you ate them.
Jerrythekoala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That God existed.
ImbaTuba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid I was too shy to ask how babies were made. But, I thought I could figure it out on my own. So my train of thought went like this: people have kids after they get married, therefor people must create children by the act of marriage itself. So, I thought that when the groom kissed the bride, that's when the baby(ies) were made.
callitclutch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really late so probably buried, by I thought my testicles were the last two poops I would take before I died
MarinaraSUS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told as a child by friends that eating vegetables made you pregnant, went through elementary school avoiding all vegetables in fear of having a veggie baby
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was possible that the bathroom would "blast off" like a rocket if I didnt exit before the toilet stopped flushing. Id wash my hands then press the lever down with my foot and bolt.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I was kind of adopted. My parents were always telling me that a bird shit me onto a rock and the sun hatched me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i thought god was real
D197 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed women could only give birth on a full moon. Only one child per full moon, next child had to wait for next month
jrm2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heard the "rapids" when I was about three, asked my mom how "rabbits" could be dangerous to boats-- did they drink up all the water?
The bitch said, "Yes." Not an isolated incident: many times she would apparently be too busy to answer a legitimate question. Like she could have said what rapids were, how rapid was another word for fast. I really wonder if I could have ended up being a brighter kid if my parents gave a shit.
Greenteam93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I spent most of my life believing in hagamagers. My father told me that they walked on two legs like people but were kind of short and very hairy. They like to eat little children and were afraid of tall people. My dad's friend even brought over the mounted "head" of a hagamager that my dad said he had hit on the road it was walking with its family and he hit the smallest one. It looked like a hairy human face with cat like eyes and sharp teeth. Finally told me that it wasn't a head it was a mounted deer butt! Made to look like something it wasn't. Thanks a lot dad everyone thought I was crazy when I said the hagamagers going to eat u if you go out at night.
Norabee915 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, I was under the impression that I would grow up and marry my brother (that I didn't have) and my mom and dad would become little kids again, become siblings and they'd be my children. And it was a never ending circle.
In my defense, my mother told me "one day, I'd grow up and she'd be little (shrink from age) and I'd have to take care of her). No clue where the brother stuff came into play..
Tactical_Fisting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For the first couple years of school, I somehow developed a belief that the teachers lived at the school, and the teachers lounge was just somewhat of an apartment thingy for all the teachers to live in. I was completely shocked when found out teachers went home to husbands and wives and children of their own.
stantheman0033 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thought football players had huge shoulders and legs no pads
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in Santa, God, ghosts, and aliens that visited earth.
D3jaay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a 6 year old, I watched the lion king for the first time. When I watched the scene where scar kills mufasa, I paused the cassette player, called my dad to see if he was good. Then for some time I suspected my uncle was plotting to kill my dad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was told the ABC store (alcoholic beverage commission) was the American Business College by my dad. I believed this until I was in high school.
icey888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WWE
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the Power Rangers were real, it kind of hit hard me when my mom casually commented they were actors.
CptCreep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I confused being baptized with being crucified. I was really worried for my little sister when my parents said she'd be baptized right after she was born....
RatJail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents had me convinced that there was a little man inside every traffic light whose job it was to change the light colors. I mean, how else do they change?
thereallizardking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 6 or 7 I remember being fond of running in circles around a 5' in diameter pole that held the roof in my family's patio. I used to think that if I was fast enough, I would be able to reach a certain velocity in which I would be able to catch myself. I remember doing this almost everyday for months! After a while I realized that I had ran the fastest my little legs would ever allow me to run. I had become an expert at running around a pole but for what? I never caught my self. Not even a glimpse of my back did I ever see..
zecchinoroni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all flight attendants were named Sally.
Fleegenson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in primary school my dad told me that life was a test for heaven. This really fucked me up as i thought i was the only real person and everything around me was some kind simulation/test.
LordHuntington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that you say granite gran-ite I even argued it with my mom when I was 8
FancyCooters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that if you ate paper with words, ie newspapers, I would gain knowledge. No clue what made me cone to this conclusion, but I ate small pieces of paper here and there thinking I was enriching my brain with smarts n stuff.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That once I put shampoo in my hair all the rest of the water on my body would instantly turn into soapy shampoo water.
I had to get a towel and dry off my face every time I put shampoo in my hair so I wouldn't automatically get shampoo in my eyes.
diaperedwoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my parents kicked people out of houses if they were not taking care of them. (They owned a rental house)
Bilbogivemethering ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Raised by my grandparents; my grandma told me boogers were actually poop so I wouldn't pick and eat. It worked. Believed this for 7+ years.
CanadianJogger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:15:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is not true. They are nose goblins.
Bilbogivemethering ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:44 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will forever remember this.
prolapsingpotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That in order for a balloon to float, it must have string tied to it.
McCoysucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw old photos that were in black and white and believed the world use to be in black in white.
morebooks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought your feelings were in your shoulders. Not sure why.
alberthere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Prayers were answered if you prayed hard enough.
sadbookshelf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That god exists.
UnusableUsername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that Flies gave you itchy bites.
beard_meat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was 7 when I saw footage of the Loma Prieta earthquake on TV and was frightened by the bridges collapsing on cars. And for some reason, I thought earthquakes were giant rocks that fell out of the sky.
GORGONFROMTHE4TH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought that as soon as I got older I could tell time with my mind, without a watch or clock. The reason I thought this is because either I or another family member would ask my mom or Dad what time it is, and they would always have the time right then and there, it amazed me! I asked my parents out of the random what time it was to see if my theory worked, and it seemed like it did! As I grew older I realised that they were always estimating the time from the last time they saw it.
Altaria87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Zelda transformed into Captain Falcon
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if i feel like i need to poop and i won't poop for an hour, i will never poop again, but the feeling and pain will stay.
MrEscobar17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember thinking that games were saved only onto the disk they were played on, so while me and my brother were buying a PS2 game after renting it I was asking, 'How do you know which to get?' and when he continued the game I thought he somehow bought the same disk. I said, 'Wow that was lucky!' I thought he was a wizard.
fractalfrenzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriend believed that males did not have any pubic hair and only females did. This is because she only ever saw other male children naked, but she had seen her mom's bush. Additionally, she reasoned that males got facial hair in lieu of pubic hair. It wasn't until she saw her boyfriend naked at 15 that she realized her mistake. At first she thought he looked "very feminine" due to his conspicuous pubic hair.
Thrownaway_4_2_day ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was 11yrs old I believed Asian girls had sideways vaginas, as opposed to Caucasian girls which were straight up and down.
I believed this, because my uncle Troy is a very bad person.
thedailypeach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Pay-Per-View was Paper-View. Probably because I believed TV was and should be free.
Wisnton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the fries in a large fries where the same portion only a longer chip
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that people were black because they were tanning for too long.
scandinavianplumber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought me and Shrek were the only ones with a medial cleft...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The world is a fair place
shortforsophie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the lyrics to the AC/DC song were, "Dirty deeds, Thunder sheep."
CanadianJogger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:22:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, but that famous song by Bachman-Turner Overdrive is definitely "taking care of biscuits"
If you don't know, the word for misheard lyrics is 'mondegreen'.
DaganDiddlez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Blood is blue
Stick636 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the entire world was actually in black and white in the old days.
Electricdreamers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That drinking and driving was for ALL drinks. I always wondered how drive thru restaurants were legal
bigmoneybitches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That mercury on an open wound would kill me. I held on to that belief for a ridiculously long time.
Henkersjunge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:52 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, heavy metal poisoning is something you want to avoid, even if it doesnt mean insta-death
RedGoldenBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but I somehow convinced my brother that he was found in a trash can. He asked my parents about the trash can thing and my mom thought it was funny so she played along. I have no idea why he believed we weren't related since we look very similar.
I was scared of large semi trucks because I believed they were all kidnapping children and taking them to some sort of child zoo/circus. But it was like a government sanctioned kidnapping.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if I could elevate myself above the ground (even just an inch or two), that the earth would spin underneath me. I used to try and jump to see if I could be off the ground long enough to see some spin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed I was the only real human and all others were robot imposters.
Interteen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that whenever you replayed a video the people had to do it again IRL
TehChid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought baby back ribs came from little human children - I've never been so sad eating dinner :(
aetherialvortex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That a small priest will appear and walk on my wound if I do not clean it (Credit: aunts)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought if you lost all your lives on Super Mario you could never play again....
akalliss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that the main chorus line for 'Bette Davis Eyes' by Kim Carnes was actually 'Better Days Aside'... I believed this until I was in my early twenties simply because I was too lazy to research it and... You know? ...No Google.
*And yes... I realise that the song is called Bette Davis Eyes... Now... But I didn't know that then.
distilledwill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the residual flashes of colour that you see if you look at a bright light and then look away meant that I had special powers.
My parents still bring it up two decades later.
ketchuptomato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought people committed suicide by drinking their own pee.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that cats grew up into tigers.
MrCuriousCat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother told me that if I stayed up late, the sandman would sprinkle sand into my eyes then later eat me. And to further scare me, she said that the crust around my eyes when I wake up is a reminder that he's watching you.
Uber_naut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a giant jewlery shop in my city, atleast 5 stories tall (only one for the store, its not THAT huge)
I was CONVINCED that it was evil. Every time my dad drove around the building, i would unclamp my seat belt and hide on the car floor, covering my face and body with my jacket.
I was not a smart kid.
a_clue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was called Arabies instead of rabies.
Physicked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sister made me believe that some foams were poisonous. Seafoam and the foam on root beer. I avoided them until I was old enough to know better.
DontGiveMeGoldKappa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:46:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i tought that people used to live in black and white.
Neuro_freak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I was 12 I thought that the delivery of babies happens from the "behind". I knew everything about how babies are conceived and both male and female anatomies but I was unable to believe that a baby would come out from the vagina ...
Moonpickles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:56:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was really little I was very frightened of hats. I thought they were some sort of head-eating creature. I would then scream and cry whilst trying to save them from the hat monster.
Quarterlife22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend who convinced me that Bloody Mary lived in the light fixtures in people's houses and that if you were alone she could come out of the ceiling/light fixtures and kill you. I would sprint through the hallways of my house for a very long time from the ages of 5-9 because of this.
Mrnicebanker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Attending baseball games, football games (American), and the horse track often with my grandfather at the age of 3-6, I legitimately thought that the "7th inning stretch" in baseball was a reference to the "home stretch" in a horse race, meaning it's almost over. Until I was 24 years old.
To be fair, my reasoning was sound, as long as there wasn't a tie at the end of the 9th!
Majorkerina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:08:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That boys looked basically looked the same naked, only things were a little puffier and triangular. Like a little bumpy crown with a little triangular straw underneath.
riddlinrussell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I initially thought that world war I and II happened millions of years ago. Thought the timeline was something like Dinosaurs > Romans > World Wars > Generally Peaceful times for generations > Present
moby__dick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, what a great question. I believed that mice ran in wheels that made my brain work, and squirrels in the rest of my body.
ScoutsOut389 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a dream (I guess) when I was sleeping at my grandparents' house that I woke up and went into the kitchen, and these very alien looking creatures were there, talking in a language I couldn't understand. Despite that being 30+ years ago, I remember it so very distinctly. The way they looked, the sounds they made, even the weird ionized air smell in the kitchen.
Rational, reasonable me knows it didn't happen, but it remains the most vivid dream I have ever had, and to this day I can recall it in extreme detail. Part of my adult brain always wonders if maybe it wasn't a dream. I mean, I know it has to be, but it's so vivid and real to this day. Like nothing I've experienced since.
Henkersjunge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: The alien looking beings were named Consuela and Jesus and the "ionized air" was the smell of the cleaning agents.
nunicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if someone died in a movie or on tv that they really died... so obviously only criminals died on screen!
Obviously I didn't think too deeply.
Danielthegreat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the taxman was a single person.
Eglafang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that every tv set showed different shows. One day my grandfather asked my 7-year old self what I watched the day before. I told him there wasn't anything good on our tv and asked him if his tv showed anything better.
whoopzzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it was 100 degrees outside, you could literally boil water.
Dazzyreil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed this big black guy was actually God for some reason.
He was a friend of the family.
iamnotsean1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I swallowed my chewing gum my ass cheeks would be stuck together for life, because thats what my mam told me
fauxmerican ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my parents could read my mind, so I tried not to think about anything bad when I was around them.
PenguinColada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I believed that my toys and dolls each had their own personalities and lives but were trapped in inanimate bodies. I felt really bad for my toys and even worse when my mother threw them away (we had a burn pit for our trash).
pirate-cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That flushing the toilet would cause it to come to life, then chase me and swallow me.
Ran as fast as I could each time and hid in my bed (which would fight off the attacking toilet while I sat with eyes tightly closed!).
FishtheJew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Adults cant have hobbies.
I used to think that adults ate,slept & worked only. Atleast until i became 12 i actually asked someone.
crisdbell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:38:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
'reddit' has some secret tricks.
throwaway61482 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You how you have to click to agree that you've read something? I thought the FBI would show up to your door if you just clicked agree without reading it.
CanadianJogger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the police would fingerprint any trash on the ground, and if I did, they'd catch me.
Interesting thought, that my world used to be that clean.
Imb4l4nce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced that my parents hadn't any electricity when they were little.
Indian_FromTheEast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a flea market sold fleas. That a flea circus was performed by fleas.
YoitsAnne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all cats were girls and all dogs were boys. Now I realize that would never work.
thedavis199 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed the government looking out for us
sp0rkah0lic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Southern California, and if you take long trips on the freeway you're bound to pass lots of fairly massive, rolling hills. I thought there were the remains of dinosaurs under the hills, like, the dinosaurs were just barely under the surface with the soil on top of them like a thin blanket. Giving the hills their shapes.
I don't know where I got this idea from but it seemed entirely logical to my kid brain.
CanadianJogger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:46:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just today I was on a hill called Dinosaur Hill. For obvious reasons.
JT_3K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably get buried but I always thought that good luck and bad luck balanced each other out. Not in some mystical karma type way but in some super-precise scientific measurable sense. Had to go to the doctor for jabs? You, sir, have just banked enough luck to possibly find a coin on the floor on the way home that you might be able to exchange for chocolate. Your morning may have been miserable but at least that means your afternoon is going to be epic.
I also thought Morrissey and Neil Morrissey were the same person.
Tm96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would get really tan in the summer so naturally thought I was black. This was around kindergarten/1st grade. My mother overheard me telling my brother about MLK and how important he was to us. She laughed and explained how skin tans for Italians . True story
acapnotic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:59:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that watermelons would grow in my stomach from seeds. I also believed it worked for all fruit and that it was too small for me to notice. my reasoning for it lol.
I thought gum stayed in your system forever and that eventually there would be no room for food.
I thought if I smiled or frowned that it would stay that way until I died. ofc I soon found out that wasn't true
that if I stepped on cracks it would crumble and I'd fall into a big hole.
that If I touched fire i'd instantly die. Not a good thing to do though so guess that saved me.
I thought if I let go of a balloon or kite I'd float away
if I blew on a dandelion I thought if I wished for something it would come true in due time. I had a lot of memories doing that with my mom.
I once thought I could build a rocket from random stuff and use it to fly to outerspace and it was only a 5 hour flight.
I thought if I flapped my arms I could fly and a umbrella could take me anywhere I wanted.
that water could suffocate me. guess I wasn't too far off, luckily I wasn't afraid of water and loved swimming.
that if I swallowed a bug I'd become one so I never bothered trying lol.
I once thought I could just jump into pictures/paintings/tvs.
I also took most things literally. like butterflies in your stomach . I really thought it meant that.
zachstrl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:02:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom used to tell me there was crocodile that lived in my nose, and that if I kept picking it, the crocodile would bite my finger. Wtf. Mom you're so cruel.
StalkingAssasin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That there was a god ๐๐
Crudivore1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as ridiculous beef
landtblom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that the sun was following me and only me because wherever I went I could see it during the day. And I thought everyone else were robots
Luwi00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me and not as a child, but listen to this:
I was like 18 years old (could also be 22 I am not sure) and hanging with my friends, one guy who was really nice, but we found out that he is not the brightest light in the room... Well we talked about Breaking bad and how to launder the money, and my friend suddenly told us all:
"Guys I am not sure but why the fuck are they so stupid if someone gets money from a bank and needs to launder it, you take it put it in the damn waschingmaschine and dry it and you are ready to go"
We could not stop laughing, that was tooooo much gold for us...
darth_stroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't separate tape as in filming something and tape as in measuring tape. If my mum was filming something I would ask her to "measure" it.
z1rconium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religion (protestant), glad I left that behind when telling my parents i couldn't read this stuff anylonger.
monstrinhotron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:16:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Due to mishearing, i briefly believed the equator was a big lion that ran around the middle of the world. Also when i was 3 or 4, my mum told me not to step in some wet tarmac or i would get stuck forever. It was at least a year before i could bring myself to step on that bit of repaired road.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:16:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the bad guy in "Commando" was played by Freddie Mercury
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:18:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That success is normal and that everyone in my classroom was going to graduate school, get a nice job, and live a nice house. That dream died when I entered middle-school and saw so many fucked up kids.
notaruckusbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that belly buttons were where babies came from.
SouRzCSGO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That one day I'd be older than my brother.
I used to convince myself one day it would happen, however the smart side of me would argue with myself and I'd get confused over how age works.
A simple concept, but 7 year old me thought it was plausible.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CanadianJogger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you ever figure out what is on the opposite side of your bellybutton now? Do you know where it goes?
vaccum-cleaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:26:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thiught you didn't have to be married to have kids.........
Until I learned that I was such an idiot, and that only married people have kids.........
And then i grew up
Kitty_Wizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i used to believe that the teachers were talking, because I was making them talk. At assembleys and such, i believed that I was controlling them and making them do their speech...i don't even know how or why this came to be.
YourCaptainRex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:34:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I had a superpower, because when stuff happened, I'd get Deja vu... but when I was 11, I thought I had a spidey-sense or something to that effect.
I never brought it up with my parents, because I thought that they wouldn't believe that I had a superpower (pretty much every superhero movie told me that people don't believe that you have superpowers)... So I didn't learn that it was a normal thing until I was about 12 years old :(
vladgrinch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The world resumes to my town only.
Hecateus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:40:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I once thought there was a King of the World.
TertiusLupis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that covering my head etc with blankets would keep me safe from vampires, witches etc.
nz_nba_fan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:47:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God and Jesus were real.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad would tell me that half ways though a Wendy's frosty there was spinach. He would telle when I was half was nearing halfways and I would had it over out of fear of eating the greenstuff And he said he would eat the spinach later. And put it in the freezer. What a smart man
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:52:00 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would grow up to be a productive adult.
Colbreezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:58:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if i was somehow able to break open the screen to our television, that i would be able to enter the program playing.
hyenachiefcommander ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:00:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
when i was like 5 or something, I thought guys give birth to boys and girls to girls
colliero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That various products were wrapped in plastic so that when thieves would steal something, they couldn't open and use it because thieves have no scissors in their caves/homes underground. Child logic is a funny thing.
BigBird65 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Babys are cut out of their mothers womb.
If kids do something that's against the law, their parents go to jail.
sixpooler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:07:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought babies came from a womans asshole
BillysBeefFlaps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:11:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I had certain stuffed animals that I wouldn't take to bed with me because I believed that they gave me nightmares.
What I find ridiculous about it is that I feel kind of guilty about the stuffed animals I ignored...
Parapolikala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:16:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is a kind old man who made me and you and everyone else. He can see inside your head and wants you to be good. He so much wants to help you that he sent his son to be murdered by the Romans and the Jews a couple of thousand years ago. You are supposed to say sorry for all your dick moves, and he'll say "that's okay" and it is also permissible to ask him for stuff, but he won't give it to you because he loves you. When you die, he will make you live again, this time forever, possible just in order to inflict an eternity of pain on you for your transgressions. So be good.
DiatonicSir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if something was for example 1โฌ and I paid 0.10 they would vive me the product and the 0.90 cents left.
Connelly90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:48:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I genuinely believed that a friend in my class had visited Jupiter over the summer holidays.
I was in Primary 1 at the time, so 5 years old maximum.
IndesputableTosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:48:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That girls found me attractive!
Seppert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One of my friends told me these young ferns that weren't blossoming were actually spiders. Didn't dare going into the woods for two years.
Xpdcion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:52:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My older cousins and siblings used to tell me that a grain of rice would forcefully come out of my booboo when I was a child. I believe it until I was grade 3. If the booboo is large enough, they'd say a piece of titanic would come out.
The belief further became much more serious when I tripped and gashed my entire knee while I was playing tag. My caretaker left it unattended for a few days until I couldn't walk and slimey pusses would drip. I was scared as fuck.
Pianissimeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that if you pooped and peed at the same time you would automatically get diarrhea and so I spent a lot of effort controlling my muscles so the two wouldn't ever happen simultaneously.
DaPartigiano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:57:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The free market will create a good, equal society
Xpdcion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also, the elders used to tell me about stories that if kids were out too late, or was alone during the day or sunset, someone would kidnap and kill me. They would then extract my blood and mix it with cement for building bridge. It's supposed to "strengthen the bridge" and increase it's lifespan since there is "life" in it.
The story is real and it happened.
Appears_Reasonable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You can be anything you want to be when you grow up"
falcioness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The adults know what they are doing.
mt92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that dwarves were made up by Disney for their movies - until, when I was 8, I saw one walking down the in the street, pointed, said "Look mom, there's one!", and cried all the way home after he looked at me with an angry expression.
Peanutsmagoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:03:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a child I didn't believe that the majority of the worlds population was not only uneducated but also grade A douche bags.
As an adult I realize I was wrong.
hlfx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the boogeyman (we called it "coco" or "cuco" here in Chile) was a big giant snail.....
sayge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That all stars were millions of light-years from earth. lol no.
DadSoRad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom has been a vegetarian (now vegan) since before I was born. As a child, I assumed that all adult women didn't eat meat.
CanadianJogger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:30 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My belief made sense in that it was at least logically consistent.
The north pole was cold, and it got warmer as you travelled south(look at my username now) therefore the south pole was hot, and that is where the lions and giraffes lived.
Kehgals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holding B would increase the chance of catching the Pokemon.
myshittyluck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought:
Black people had black semen.
I would get drained down the bath if I stayed in it when the water was draining.
When I put out the middle finger, purple magic would come out like a slow laser beam.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that fairies use to live in caves.
mr_krink1e ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They still do silly
airMYLES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my lil bro believed that the easter bunny would chew a hole in the wall to get in our house ,
dRunningGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad is a PhD.
So as a kid, I always thought he was a doctor. One day at school, teacher asks if anyone can get a white coat and a stethoscope. Sure as hell I raise my hand cause my dad was a doctor.
I go home and tell my dad to give me the items, and he says, he's not "that kind of a doctor" and tells me his actual occupation.
I go to my room crying and overthink as to why would my dad lie to me all these years.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought there was a man watching me at night but it was just my sweater
Actionmaths ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I tried hard enough, I could change my luck. When I 'failed' and something unlucky happened, I just thought to myself that I didn't try hard enough...
I was a special kid...
plsgetmeouttahere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I will have to break or fracture my arm at least once while growing up and have to wear an elbow cast. Sorta like getting chicken pox.
My kindergarten mates were taking turns to come in with a cast on their arm and I was in constant fear that my turn was next.
Aussie_Bogan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God.
slimbarracks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think only Indian people could poop.
bigalienhoopdajoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There were 2 Michael Jacksons.
Moxto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm born on a holday so naturally I thought that everyone had the day off on their birthday. Then I was taught I was wrong and then I felt bad for all you suckers.
Soltheron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was a libertarian. I got better.
elendrill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:56 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I will die a few minutes after my twin brother, since he is a bit older.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you got pregnant by French kissing. I would fantasize about French kissing the fuck out of Kimberly.
gutkassidy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:01 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure Chuckie lived under my bed.
omnichronos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After watching my mother dice a tomato in the palm of her hand, I concluded knives couldn't cut skin. I tested my hypothesis on my finger. I was wrong.
thepersoncommenting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
someone told me that there was a branch of asda under the atlantic, which I believed.
TheDoxxer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't believe in blow jobs and any porn I saw was obvious just special effects.
I didn't see why people would put a dick in their mouth when we pee out of them... oh innocence where did you go?
fuckyouquebec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bones were made of large straight pretzels.
ZigguratofDoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:26:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I did not dangle my hand off the bed, I was safe from the monster.
TimWats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Literally everything you ordered online (clothes, TV, toy car) came directly out of the printer.
TeaL3af ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All mammals gave birth via c-section.
_AISP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A girl magically conceives a baby immediately after being married.
caramelxxcandi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too much Sims play I suppose?
_AISP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never played Sims, ever.
FlourSauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:38 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I saw black n' white movies I thought the world was like that back then and then suddenly the world became colorful... No clue why I thought this but whatever I was a little shithead
1w1w1w1w1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everything has it's own universe in it. With planets and everything.
The craziest thing was I had a hot wheel ball thing that hot wheels went around it. I could use that to talk to my buddy on another planet his was a warrior fighting a war winning for the planet and my friend had a buddy that helped him win. My guy was named jack O sack O. It was great I would have great visuals of it and I still can see it.
Aethorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thinking about time travel too much would make my head explode. My uncle's silly comment that he had no idea would have such an impact on me actually kept me up at night for years.
redheid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I swam in the dark shaded bits in a swimming pool that sharks could get me. I was ok in the sunny parts but if any part of my body went in the shade, I could be attacked any minute.
Only thing that could save me was having someone else in the pool. I guess so I could feed them to the sharks instead.
kexkemetti1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dogs can speak and at least they understand me.
Rayrose123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad has some Hungarian blood in him and would tell me that I was a Hungarian Gypsy. He would tell me all sorts of things about my gypsy background. I loved it and I would tell everyone about it. I think I was 22 years old when he told me that he made the whole thing up! We do have Hungarian blood but we (as far as he knows) are not gypsies.
coolkeep9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think monsters came out of the toilet at nighy. I shat in the bacement for 3 weeks. Mom thought it was the dog
matthewinthebutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:41:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriend told me that her brothers would lie to her all the time. One time she walked around a carpet the hole time she ate a milkshake because they told her it wouldn't melt if she did.
caramelxxcandi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought that babies came directly from a woman's belly button. ( my mother is filipino, and had a scary story about the aswang- a ghost which haunts the phillipines and eats pregnant womens baby fetuses, its said if you hear aswang in the woods screaming or crying to go the other way, its supposed to be a death omen, and the cause of all the miscarriages. Aswang has a long tongue which will fly above you while you're sleeping and suck the baby with her tongue out of your belly button with her long tongue, only to leave you waking in a pool of blood. -I still fear the aswang.
caramelxxcandi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
she is supposed to be able to take many forms like that of a shapeshifter and is very feared amongst other filipinos.
Smile_you_got_owned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:31 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everyone would get 100 years old. No more. No Less.
jigglehiggins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I could be an astronaut, and not have a hard time getting there. ;-; I cri evry tim
Andrew42180 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that airplanes would come and pick you up at your house, kind of like a school bus (my town was small and the bus driver liked us all). This made it super interesting to think about astronauts and the space shuttle
Keram_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, my brother has the same name as my dad. When he was born I started crying because "I didn't want to have two dads".
Dragonswift ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dogs and cats were the same species. Dogs were males and cats were female.
UnequalSloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:42 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my ballsack held my pee
McWhalester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think I could see through things if I got really close to them and thought I was some kind of superhero.
Figured out a few years later it's just the fact that I have two eyes and only one of them was covered by said object so my other eye was showing me what was past it. I was a dumb kid.
OldManBilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:44 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought a round of applause meant I had to clap in a circle. only realised when I was 10
Indushydi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid I believed that moon follows me wherever i go :)
Flux7777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ellem enno and pee.
PBFL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Presbyterianism.
ellis0896 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Every time it rained I thought the house was going to flood. I used to be absolutely terrified.
Zer0Doxy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I inexplicably believed that Stephen Tyler was my mom's boyfriend. Nobody ever told me that that was the case and my mom wasn't even attracted to Stephen Tyler.
I also, until an embarrassingly late age (sixteen or seventeen), just assumed the Batman symbol was a yellow mouth with fucked up teeth until one day it just clicked that it was a black bat in a yellow circle. I have no idea why I never questioned it.
PaperPhoneBox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I HAD to be asleep before midnight, not just in bed but asleep. Because if I didn't, well I don't know actually, I always made sure I was.
I don't think I ever gave any thought as to what was going to happen, it was bad though.
Reeceh13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the start of the week was a Sunday. No idea why but I managed to get to about 12 years old before I found out it started on monday
5k3k73k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My great grandmother was a very important person in my life, she was also very paranoid. She believed that everyone who rode in a limousine was a criminal and that every van was owned by a child abducting murderer. I grew up living in perpetual fear of vans and limos thinking that I could be snatched up at any moment. Furthermore I wondered why the police didn't just arrest all these people, they were easy enough to identify.
showmethesnacks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I strongly believed that spaghetti grew on trees and that different pastas (penne, spaghetti, bowtie, etc.) had their own individual flavours. Didnt make that connection with the sauce bringing the flavour.
beka_targaryen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad played pro football in the 70's (Jets & Patriots), retired before I was born. Our last name is Lyman. We'd watch a lot of football while I was growing up, and whenever the announcers would say "lineman" (as in "another lineman on the field" or something similar) I always thought they were saying Lyman - so I always thought it was another family member of ours playing football. I thought we were a really big football family.
beef_boloney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A few good ones;
I thought clowns were a race of people like black or white
I thought if your brain got too big for your skull you became retarded
I thought vaginas were like penises with flower petals around the base. When I finally saw a picture of a naked woman I thought vaginas were like a spongy area of skin hidden beneath the pubic hair and that all the penetration I was seeing was anal.
SigilR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That for my birthday, my body would rearrange itself to make me taller
dropszZz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:08:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was convinced people are kind and think of others more than for themselves.
freakin_goddess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:08:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if you swallow a seed a tree will grow from your stomach.
uaPythonX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:09:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wind is caused by trees waving
ChelseaGrinder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:11:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I asked myself why everyone was working because all they'd to do was getting to a cash machine and getting the money out of it.
swish-andflick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that dogs had special healing powers in their saliva and if you ever had a cut then you just need to find the nearest dog, get it to lick you and it'd heal overnight.
kosmor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That growing up would be a good thing.
Kimmithing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a "draught" was a "giraffe" and that leaving doors open would mean a giraffe would come running through the house, not a gust of wind...
backstagehabits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the broth in chicken noodle soup was chicken pee. My mom said it as a joke and didn't realize I'd taken it seriously and believed it for years.
Also that digging in the ground would lead me to Hell (unlike most kids who thought they could dig to China.)
mfchipley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed there were tiny people on the other side of the TV screen that were watching me. I'd put on little shows when I wanted them to be looking at me and would turn the TV on when I wanted to be left alone.
iamnotkennyg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad told me that if I said excuse me after farting the smell would go away. Believed it for years.
phosandwich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That you will get pregnant from kissing . Every time I'd see people kissing on TV I'd think "I don't think that scene was worth getting pregnant over, I hope they can make a nice home for the baby"
I was relieved to find out that wasn't how it worked. I was about 6 or 7.
pta2002 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that you could only speak English on a plane. Like, if you tried to speak the words wouldnt come out if you weren't speaking English. I took "the pilots only speak English on the plane" too literally
JMSPHL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:41 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that I could see air. I had an astigmatism.
PAxlFitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I needed to pay attention in class in order to get a good job as a grown up
PAxlFitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That they took my dog Max to a farm so he could be happy
PandaKickPunch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I walked over a man hole cover or storm drain an evil ninja turtle would grab me and pull me into the sewer. I still avoid it even though I am pretty sure they wouldn't want me anyway.
PAxlFitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:04 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dad was coming back
yesit'sfakesorryicouldn'thelpmyself
zephyrIT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That every spring a large upright walking rabbit visited my house like the jolly old fat man in the winter and left eggs filled with candy, money, a chocolate representation of himself, and gifts in a basket with plastic "grass" in it and that it was all done in some strange inexplicable connection to a Christian holiday.
t-poke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The very first time I flew was with my grandmother to visit my aunt. I was probably like 6 or 7, and to make me not scared of flying, she made it sound cool. She said planes go straight up like a rocketship. Kids always want to be astronauts, right? Cool, I believe her and 6 year old me isn't scared to get on a plane.
I was probably in my late teens, with many, many flights under my belt, when I was like "Hey, wait a minute, planes don't go straight up like rockets"
Slyconrad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When i was around 4-6 i thought there as a school level between middle school and high school. the reason i thought this was because there was 3 high school musical films.
why.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:59 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that AI opponents in games didn't exist, and that whenever I played one there was some person in an office who was trained to play at certain difficulty levels.
Chris275 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you had to hold your breathe as you passed a cemetery because the dead would get jealous you could breathe and come get you...
EnduringAtlas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was convinced that Animals could talk, from watching some movies where the dogs and cats would speak. So I would like beg and cry and even hit our dog trying to get him to talk. Granted I was like 5 so I don't think my hits hurt our Laika, but I still feel like an asshole looking back and now I know why the dog would avoid me, I was annoying as shit.
Calkky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That tornadoes would destroy my house.
epicolocity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad's name is Don, and my mom called him Donny. I always misheard "dining room" as "Donny room" and was jealous of my dad because it was unfair that he got a room named after him and I didn't
vertexavery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:58 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I legit thought that, prior to color photography, the world was actually black and white and at some point became colorful ala "Wizard of Oz".
glhomme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my mom worked at a Nursery school as a teacher that had to drive a small bus to pick up drop off the children. She would always come home complaining of having to drive a Standard Bus. Of course as a child I knew what stand meant, and hated the school for making her stand up and drive a bus. It was not till I was a teenager starting to drive that I realized my FU as a kid.
hm03surf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Looney Tunes were real people inside of TVs. Those poor, poor souls were trapped in so much violence...
Zachattack187447 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That the thing Lactose-intolerant was Blacktoast and collerant
And when i was like 3 or 4, i was at a shoe store with my mom, and i knocked over a single pair of kids shoes, and i just left it on the floor, and i thought for 2 years after that that the police were looking for me because of that
i was a weird kid
WarGreed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a 'God' exists
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I convinced ourselves that if we slept with small bean bags on our crotches, that we would grow pubes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that a serial killer was actually a cereal killer. My older cousin told me that they threw people into giant bowls of cereal and drowned them in the milk.
sabren84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lesbians were women for a country named Lesbia. Heard the word as a child and came out with this explanation. Parents didn't bother to clarify until I was older lol.
I think this is a classic but I thought a tree would grow in my stomach if I ate seeds of the fruit I was eating. (for example grape seeds, tangerine etc)
gmoney910 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:05 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Peoples skin color coincided with the flavor of milk they most often drank
Darlyn28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if I broke a TV screen I'd get sucked in. I'm still a little scared even though I know it's not true
Trap-Bot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:03 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i used to think that if you burned your christmas list it got to santa faster
Maxmon68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late, but as a kid I used to be terrified by Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
I thought that some secret organization was using it as mind control because of the commercials they used to run where a kid would have a bite and his eyes would turn into cereal.
Givet- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my dad could actually remove his finger. He did the trick with the thumb and index-finger over it and then filling out the thumb with the other thumb. I was like "That's great dad, if you ever lose your finger you can just put it back again!!"
shutyourface_grandma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:28 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the world was in black and white and one day came to be in color. I thought that's why old movies were in black and white, because the world was in black and white. I asked my mom when I was 11 or 12 when the world came to color, I knew it had to be in her lifetime.
Idk what I was thinking.
idafridge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:20 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought women had balls too, i knew they didnt have weiners but i thought they had a beanbag under the monkey.
username-exists ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:02 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that trees were making wind, when they actually just shaking in the wind. To this day I think my version of the world is the better one.
OneLetterTooShor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:16 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bit late to the party here, but may aswell.
I used to think the only way people died was on their 100th birthday, they were taken to a remote location and shot to death.
09jtherrien ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:43 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought speed limit meant that was the physically maximum speed the car could go.
BillyTjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:24 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was really young remember watching a movie that was in black and white. My dad was doing something outside so I went outside to asked him if the world was once in black and white? I assumed that the world was black and white since all the old photos and movies were in black and white. My dad had a tendency to just answer my sister and I with a yes or no without listening to what we were saying when he was busy doing something. He said yes to me and for a while I believed that the world was in black and white at one time.
OhMyOddSocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:55 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that when you wanted a baby, you had to dream about a special baby fairy. I also believed that you could choose the gender of your child too. Once you'd had the dream, you had to send a letter to the baby fairy, telling them whether you wanted a boy or a girl. Then, one day, a few days later, the fairy would knock on your door and hand you a baby wrapped up in a blanket.
I hope i'm not the only one who thought this.
avaslash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:08 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 7 I thought that the whole "boys and girls having different parts" was a huge conspiracy and that actually everyone had dicks. I just couldnt wrap my head around it. Of course that all changed a few years later.
ItsStupendousMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my village (UK) some of the arrows to the different nearby villages are pointing the wrong direction. Obviously they were mixed up by some douchebag from nearby. Anyway, I asked my Dad why it was wrong, and he told me it was so the Nazi's wouldn't know which way to go when they invaded in WW2, and no-one ever changed them back. And I believed this until I was 15.
tpain_233 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:54 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That a witch lived next door to me. When I was 5 my grandma told me if I did not go to bed the witch would find out and take me away. Bonus, my parents also told me a guy walked the streets at night and peeked into the house windows. If he saw I was awake he would kidnap me.
delete_if_u_r_sure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:40 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was sure I had invented masturbation
MoritzTheWild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents happen to have the same birthday, 05.05, so I believed for a long time that you can only get married with someone who shares your birthday.
martythemartell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:35 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Soulmate au for fanfiction. Thanks u/MoritzTheWild
-AsYouWish- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:15 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that thunder was the direct result of God bowling.
imnotacowanymore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:37 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That I would be happy
OneLetterTooShor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:50 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think that when people died, they became a star in the sky and that the Easter bunny lived on the moon, because for some reason I could see a sort of rabbit formation on the moon.
Enaxion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
New shoes (the larger the number) would give me more movement speed. I was full ARPG mode.
not_great_bob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not mine, but a friend of mine for a period as a kid thought her dad was The Edge from U2 because there was a poster of him in the bedroom.
yourhatredfeedsme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my retirement plan hinged entirely on finding the end of a rainbow
savageordark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:14 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had korean parents, so until I was in 4th grade I believed in the fan death
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fan death?
savageordark ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:42:29 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's basically saying putting a fan in the same room while sleeping causes the air to not be directed to your face which leads to death. Something along that line
BreakingTraining1977 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I bought the one about ink flying out of a just-pulled firm alarm (in case the person doing it was as a prank). The goofy part was that I didn't find out until I got out of college and worked for a security company.
Mdse123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:23 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Arsenal was going to win the league
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:07 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that cameras recorded everything you saw when you looked through them. I only found out after I asked my dad how he went so long without blinking in our family videos. He explained it but I still didn't get it. I'm not sure at what age I realized this but it was definitely later than it should've.
Dothesexychicken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:49 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 5-6, I was really book smart, but very lacking in basic common sense. I didn't know the radio was just people playing recorded songs. I actually thought that the band would show up and play the one song and then the next band would hurry on stage and play. I was very confused when we changed stations and heard the same song.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:26 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I remember hearing on the radio that the drinking age in Wisconsin had been raised to 21 and was upset because if we went to visit relatives there, I couldn't have milk and water and would be thirsty..
LPK1990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that there must be more lampposts than people in the world. I really don't know why.
geppsdood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought a bidet was some sort of bed cover, similar to a duvet. I only realised this was wrong when I was 15, yes, FIFTEEN, when someone said they had a bidet in the bathroom and I seemed really puzzled as to why they'd keep a bed cover in the bathroom.
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:30 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's a bidet?
geppsdood ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:51 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a bum washer!
Victoria_Lucas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:27 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That women didn't take shits
weggles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:25 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Blisters were punishments. Like... before I had a blister, and had only heard of them. I was under the impression there was a "Blister truck" who would give you blisters for wearing your shoes on the wrong feet. This originated from hearing my aunt say my cousin "got a blister from wearing her shoes on the wrong feet". If she GOT it, someone GAVE her the blister. Obv the blister man in the blister truck.
ImMrsG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:46 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well I believed in Santa, but only that he put presents in my stocking. Mom and Dad did the rest. I believed it whole-heartedly. When it came up that Santa gave my friends all their presents, I just assumed my parents wanted to be involved so the asked Santa to stick with the stocking.
Elliot-Fletcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:53 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That babies came from vaginas; crazy right? Storks are much more plausible.
Il_Gigante_Buono ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:49 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
A girl and I "had sex" when we were both 8 or something but it was with our underwear on and just making out because on TV they all still have underwear on, so we thought that's what it was haha
Ass_ketchum_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:00 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that when girls turned 8, their thighs got fat.
looksleft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:58 on April 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that "getting the sack" meant you would be put in a sack to cool off for a while.
MobyDicksentme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:47 on April 21, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God.
Da_Plague ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:02 on April 24, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That all songs were made by Green Day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:32 on April 24, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That if you touched a dog's nose it would explode. I thought it was a squishy balloon full of blood and that you weren't supposed to touch. I got a dog when I was 12 and I realized that her nose is not a little blood balloon.
swampenguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:03 on April 25, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The D in the Disney logo looked like a backwards G to me and still does
pimpslice13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:23 on April 25, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The "little balls" in tapioca pudding were fish eyes.
Vpie649 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God.
Vpie649 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:46:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
E D G Y
D
G
Y
a_link_to_the_passed ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:04:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
So fucking sick of this reply to atheism. It wasn't edgy at all. Your comment was more edgy.
Edit: wait, did you... call yourself edgy?
Vpie649 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:11 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That kind of reply is pretty edgy imo. And yes.
a_link_to_the_passed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't tell if you're joking now lol
Mike-Oxenfire ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religion.
Look at me. I'm edgy
INHUMANITY ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:01:06 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religion.
chamber37 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:04:26 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That all police were good guys
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
diegojones4 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:23:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a 60 year old co-worker who still thought that.
kill_the_peasants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:25:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I still thought that until 1 second ago.......
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe that there was an invisible sky wizard who was really concerned about whether or not I touched myself in my swimsuit area... I also believed that there was a fat man in a red suit who would bring me presents riding a sleigh which could fly because of magical reindeer. I stopped believing in both of them about the same time.
Nyarko-San ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:05 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That God existed.
Hollowsong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religion and Santa Claus
thesaloon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Until I saw my first real-deal porn, I really thought girl's vaginas were pretty much outward facing like belly buttons and that's why dude's were always on top of girls during sex. I even got into an argument in middle school with a kid over an Outkast CD album because the cover had a silhouette of a naked girl and you could see the outline of her vagina while she was bent over. I said it was just a bad drawing and of course was bombarded with "you're serious!?" remarks, haha.
BtDB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:35 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but a childhood friend that lived a couple doors down. He believed there was only one route home, and if he deviated from said route even a little, he would be lost forever...or sent to hell or something. I don't know he was a fundy-christian, and I never really understood what was going on in his brain.
I used to mess with him and take backroads home, or cut through back yards to mess with him. It made him cry on more than one occasion.
Stayfreshv2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:45 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That my parents wouldn't split up if I did well in school.
ukralibre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did it help you to become ##1?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:01 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That Askreddit had insightful and original questions
Imsorryaboutthedrool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:40 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If Hillary Clinton was elected president, the first thing she would do is paint the White House pink.
grannysquanto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid in Catholic school, they used to tell us in religion class that when you die you go to heaven in the sky with Jesus and the angels.
For the longest time, when I pictured heaven I pictured this: a bunch of dead bodies piled up on top of clouds, with jesus chilling in his throne hanging out with his angel friends. I remember being jealous of Jesus and the angels that they got to live forever and everyone else dies.
I don't believe in Jesus or heaven anymore
jander11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:12 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chocolate milk comes from brown cows. But really, I've never met a cow so it could be true.
suicidebylifestyle ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 17:01:22 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God, heaven, hell, that my parents A know what's best and B are always right.
Gowge ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:44:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Christianity.
"They teach it me in school. We sing songs twice a day and pray before everything. This must be 100% facts."
Carlin47 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 16:44:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That God is an invisible man in the sky. Complete bullshit
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 17:27:28 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That God gives a flying fuck about us.
landofschaff ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God
sanchiano ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:06 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That God was real
marcus2oo1 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:04 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Christianity
edit: butt-hurt Christians down voting me hahahahah
Youre_chanting_ray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:59 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That people who didn't believe in the same God I did would go to hell. It was very upsetting and sad.
I'm glad I've left that shit behind.
MikeyB_0101 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:30:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That god is real
spazzvogel ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:17:19 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God exists
Zskills ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:17 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed that Jesus died for our sins until I was about 8 or 9. Boy did I feel foolish!
Herr_Doktore ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 17:09:07 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was raised Christian.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Herr_Doktore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:13 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keep your hat. I'm no atheist, I'm a reverend of the ULC.
aukir ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 18:18:56 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God.
kaptainkuddles ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 18:37:47 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in God, does that count?
Mrxcman92 ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 15:47:29 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: god
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:14:02 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not yet, there's only one. Thread, that is. Should I make it two?
boredfilthypig ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 18:49:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Our lord and savior, Jesus christ
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:10:51 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
boredfilthypig ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:56:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What am I missing here
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:38 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
boredfilthypig ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:38:30 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just meant that God was real and the belief that his son was our savior. Not the person himself. Just what he stood for :). Also I don't think Jesus was proven to ever actual to have existed.
Sho_nuff_ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:32:17 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God
Swiftzor ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 17:26:03 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That the Republicans were right....
Audityne ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:42:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That everything should be free and people should just be able to hold hands and sing kumbaya
๐๏ธ sovietspy47 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:03:42 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everything should be free.
Audityne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:20:27 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
with a name like soviet spy i'm not surprised you believe that
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:04:37 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought there was a god
Namedoesntmatter89 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:11:09 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
god
AldoHuxley ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:26:25 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God
clover_408 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:57:41 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Taking notes so I can tell some of these lies to my children one day.
drivebymedia ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:43:22 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
god
ReleventJman ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:04:45 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Christianity.
bboyclassy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:19:32 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Christianity
ThatGuitarKid ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:32:34 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believed in a magical man in the sky who could forgive all your sins and get you anything you wanted if you just mumbled some words at him.
SirBrass ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:39 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And if you didn't get what you want, the reasoning was, "God works in mysterious ways". What a fucking cop out phrase.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:33:51 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was very much convinced that there was a god and his son had been born of immaculate conception and not of horny teenagers and this son died for my sins so I could go to heaven and spend all eternity singing praise to this god instead of going to burn forever in a place that he created.
IAmAnObvioustrollAMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must feel awfully silly...
SirMichael_7 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:37:47 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That the government was benevolent and that policemen were to be trusted.
KlLLIONAIR ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:36:57 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Religion
Yelnik ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:53:18 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was like 5 years old, I used to believe in god/christianity :s
DrummDragon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:19:21 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to believe this guy named Jesus could walk on water, turn water into wine, raise the dead, and a bunch of other bullshit. Also, Santa Claus.
EastBoundNomad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:10 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
3edgy5me
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:08 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That adults couldnt see cartoons. Reinforced by adults not understanding anything obvious in a cartoon.
and of course god.
EvisGamer ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:54 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Santa Claus
Tooth fairy
Jesus Christ
The usual bullshit that kids learn and later realize their parents had lied to them.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:36 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That Santa was real
AtomicBLB ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:16 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:44 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Santa, Easter bunny, religion. Thankfully I grew up.
__Severus__Snape__ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:59:32 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That they were tadpoles at the beginning of Look Who's Talking.
Spacejack_ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:30:55 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That there was some sort of nobility in people's claims to be acting in the service of some ideal to promote the general well-being of humanity, rather than the base tribalism that everyone is serving in reality.
ar423 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:12:19 on April 18, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that before colour TV, the whole world's reality was in black and white...and I thought the sudden change was the reason why TV became colourised. surely I'm not the only person who thought this too?
FrankieAlmost ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:57:48 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a child, I believed that people were out to hurt each other....and I ultimately discovered that I was right.
assou ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:30:13 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God
LightChaos ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:18:09 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I beleived in god until I was 8.
guyare ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:33 on April 19, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That there is an old man with a beard in the sky called GOD, and he created everything.