I was going to say something similar. "Here's what you could have been had you started training sooner. Here's what you could have if you actually stuck with one of your hobbies and never gave up."
But seriously, just a note predicting the future, that said, "you will never go to the Olympics. Hell, you'll never even get close to Nationals. That would wreck me beyond belief.
If you're good enough to even consider it a legitimate chance of making it to nationals in any sport, you're doing significantly better than most people, even others who have devoted most of their life to it. Keep your head up.
Yeah but one of the most frustrating things is that no matter how much you practice, no matter how hard you try, you're only just not good enough to be among the best.
Or so I imagine. I'm not that good at any particular thing, I'm very average.
F7Uup ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 00:14:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Top 10% at something is pretty awful. Good enough to dominate anyone in pickup, not good enough to get paid for it. And at that point you've probably invested a significant amount of your life towards being good at it but it's never going to pay off besides being known as the guy that's 'really good at that thing but not on a team or anything'.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:55:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhh yes, CSGO.
F7Uup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
2.9k hours in Dota 2 barely any of that is menu idle.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still fun being good, and I enjoyed getting there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not a top 10% violinist, but I managed to get paid for it. It's all about how you leverage being slightly above average at something.
F7Uup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But comparative to a top 1% or even a 5% it is paltry. It all depends on your aspirations I suppose. It just sucks hitting a wall when you want to go over/through it. If you're happy sitting on that wall then more power to you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think most people who say they want to break the top 10% of something are lying to themselves. Everyone wants to be an expert at something, but hardly anyone wants to put in the work.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't help. Being just barely out of reach is the worst feeling imaginable. Knowing that you tried, you gave it everything you had and you still couldn't get it done...
Not really. Just to give an example. When I was around 10 I was the goalkeeper of our football team. I was pretty good, and even when I try as an adult I can feel how it is way more natural for me than really playing football. For some reason I decided that I didnt want to do it anymore. We lost a match 9-0 and I refused to be a goalkeeper again.
Now, I dont expect that I would play at the highest level, but maybe I would still play amateur football as a goalkeeper. Maybe I would have had different friends today because I met them at football. Or maybe I would have gotten a foot in my head in the next match and died. In any case, it is to late to do anything about it.
It isnt that I am unhappy with my life, but I am sure I have made tiny decitions that would have changed my life in some way. And it is not like I really regret stopping my goalkeeping career, but it is not impossible that it might have effect on my life now.
My thought on this is similar, yet twists the knife a little more:
A short sentence, with an explanation of when you should have said it, that would have made your life much much better (with details on how)... and the worst part is, you realize it occurred to you to say but you didn't say it at the time. All completely plausible, of course.
gi4ntfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But what if you scored perfectly and have the best score you possibly could and your life still sucks?
Louis83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As if I don't get right this every night when I try to sleep.
wrong how? i never got the whole "go back in time and fix it all" thing, because this is the only reality we know, the only one we can possibly know. every decision we have ever made has lead us here, not just big ones, tiny ones too. like what to eat for breakfast one morning, or whether to go out one night, or what to wear that one day last june that you went shopping. millions of choices, millions of non-binary decisions with billions of possible outcomes and with that many possibilities there is no "wrong" choice, just different. even if you could find some metric for "best possible life" your score isnt out of a million, not even a billion. it's out of infinity and any score out of infinity is a failing grade. the life you have isn't a punishment for your mistakes, it's a culmination of every choice, good or bad or otherwise all jumbled together to form you. be happy with it, because in the end there is no passing grade, just life.
That is a bit overly philosopical, but yeah, it is of course impossible. But in reality I make an infinite amount of choices every day. A few I am happy about, a few I regret, and almost all I never think about again. It would be very interesting to see how life pans out if some of my key choices in life are done differently. Some of the choices I regret might have been good choices and opposite. Now, obviously, we cant take every little decition into account, there is most likely tons of ways I can end the days as a billionaire, but they are all pretty farfetched (type, make lots of right decitions while gambling). But for some semi big moments in my life, it would be facinating to see where I had been today if they had played out differently.
If I just got ways my life got better it would be pretty depressing even if I knew there was as many ways my life could have been worse.
Or maybe I just like to think about butterfly effect scenarios. It is pretty interesting to think about the mundane decitions that might have huge effect. I am for example pretty sure I had never met the girl I am seeing if it wasnt for the fact that I couldnt sleep one night three months before I met her.
All joking aside, that would be like a cheat code for life, especially if you could refresh and update it. How else could you get such a comprehensive list of the flaws in your dedication making.
You could change your life if you could get past your absolutely wrecked morale.
Would it be worse if it showed you that every decision you've made so far is the best one yet you still won't get anywhere in life?
Rixxer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can't live with regrets about doing something differently in the past. There is no possible way to know the consequences of alternate actions. For all you know, this is the best timeline. Is that depressing or amazing? You decide.
Kilazur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He said a box, not a 18 tons truck.
Liagala ยท 5662 points ยท Posted at 14:53:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing. It is completely empty. You stare at it for a few seconds before the obvious realization sets in - you don't need anything to ruin your life. You've done an admirable job of that all on your own.
[deleted] ยท 1491 points ยท Posted at 15:59:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Liagala ยท 847 points ยท Posted at 16:08:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh. A mirror changes it. If there's a mirror in the box, it's a direct and unambiguous message from whoever put it there - cut and dry, and depending on your personality you could just toss it away without really internalizing it. My way, there's that moment of confusion followed by the realization coming from within. It's a much more powerful message because it's your own, and it's presented more strongly because that brief pause to figure it out makes you more mentally and emotionally open to it.
3226 ยท 548 points ยท Posted at 16:11:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plus, if life gives you mirrors, make mirrorade!
[deleted] ยท 201 points ยท Posted at 16:40:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
itz4mna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:04:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If life gives you lemons it's time to break out the salt and tequila.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:48:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When life gives you lemons, GET MAD! Yell! Demand that Life TAKES THE LEMONS BACK! I don't want your damn lemons, life! Demand to speak to life's manager! I'll get the boys working on combustible lemons! Do you know who I AM?!
I'M THE GUY WHOSE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! ...WITH THE LEMONS!
crysys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When life gives you lemons, donโt make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I donโt want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see lifeโs manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? Iโm the man whoโs gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! Iโm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!โ
For our first little Christmas together, my husband handed me a little wrapped box. "Before you open it," he said, "promise me you will wear what's inside." It was empty. There was a moment of confusion, followed by a realization coming from within. I was mentally and emotionally open to it and it was a great Christmas morning.
Wargazm ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 21:57:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, that's clever and all, but he totally stiffed you.
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 01:36:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
It's not like that has to be the only present you give her.
D45_B053 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:45:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's why the only logical move is for him to do it to OP.
calivino ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:55:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your prepared to release something to ruin your own life, so the reflection in the box is quite fitting
LeWigre ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:26:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, if you're going to explain it like that then honestly yours will be just as easily tossed away. "Oh, someone already took it. Oh well!". Also, there's plenty of people that would think the mirror would be very deep and not understand the empty box.
Or perhaps you realize you already took out the contents years ago but can't remember.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:26:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or it's empty because you realize there's nothing that can ruin your life, because "ruined" is only an idea. After all, who can say that your life is ruined but you?
Just before cancer took her, Mom gave me thick envelope, 'To be opened after I die'. Mom had a lot of secrets. Life with her was not always easy. Dad I never met, but I understood I had half siblings I'd never been allowed to meet. There was some trauma about my brother who died that I can hardly remember. And a stepdad who just left one day. I kept that envelope for years; it taunted me every time I open the drawer. I hated it. What things did she have to tell me at 35 years old that she couldn't say before? What had my aunts and uncles known that they never told me? If I read the letter, how would my opinions of the people closest to me change? I never read it. One day I burned it on my little hibachi grill in a sort of ceremony. So for me, the box was never opened.
Liagala ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a stronger person than I. That envelope would have lasted all of 10 minutes after I got home from the funeral.
Nice, I guess it would work better if the label was "Warning: Everything needed to ruin your life contained within."
Leaga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember the name but I watched a (very weird) movie once about a guy who was agoraphobic and was slipping more and more into his worst nightmare as someone was delivering a package to his door every day. He would open it and the package would be empty. Every day, empty box. It drove him nuts and he couldn't figure out who was dropping them off. You reminded me of that and now I wanna see it again and have no idea how to find it.
Alternatively, my life is great and there's nothing that could ruin it.
Xboxben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if the paranoia is what gets you ? You freak out over it and whats going to happen to you . Over time you distance your self from your friends and family desperately waiting for whats going to ruin your life . After a year or so you look back in what happened you realize you have no friends your distant from your family only to notice one sole idea has destroyed you
Aliencj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was especially clever because it can apply to anyone
On the optimistic note, nothing you do can ruin your life at all! Everything you've done is completely right! Then you look at your life and think: This is the best I could possibly do?
Then he gets a job as a model, succumbs to a vain, materialistic lifestyle. He gradually comes to realize that none of his friends are genuine and that he can't trust that any of the people around him truly cares about him or his money. A void in his heart grows larger and larger until he takes his own life, the ultimate ruination.
...backlit by LED instead of projected light. I know. Thanks. I simply implied that most "older" model flat panel tv's were exclusively advertised as LCD. Please, don't steal my thunder here.
LSD can be absorbed through any skin contact, especially in liquid form (the form it is in prior to being blotted onto paper) so actually a spray of pure liquid LSD would royally fuck you up. The more you know (about drugs)!
I was at a festival and my friend's friend was high as fuck and giving out free drops of liquid LSD. Me being a dumbass jumped at the opportunity. He tells me to open my mouth, and instead of one drop, he accidently squirts three or four on my tongue. That was a fun and scary night. Couldn't imagine what a spray would do, but I'd say you'd have a few mental problems.
It's not going to be a pleasant experience, but it almost certainly won't kill you either. It's near impossible to lethally overdose on LSD. There's a famous case study (here) of a group of 8 people who did lines of pure, crystal LSD, thinking that it was cocaine. Really interesting read.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure pure LSD is a crystal. But yeah, you're right. Get that shit in your eyes and it's just as potent as drinking it.
I think I'm an easy going guy, but I have no problems with a swift death penalty for any guy that is proven without a shadow of a doubt to have done an acid attack to a person. Those people are the lowest of the low.
MRukov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sal Maroni?
Camoral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, the death penalty is completely ineffective in every way possible. The only reasonable defense of it is to say the purpose of the justice system is for vengeance in any form up to and including vengeance killings.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And you realize that the man who attacked you on the road who you killed is your dad, so you gauge your eyes out and run away. I hate it when that happens!
Stockholm syndrome makes her come back to him and theyve been having an affair the whole time. They both slowly groomed you both to fall in love and they intend to use you to restart the aryan race. Surprise, youre a nazi incest baby.
Next.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:24:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ends up that the wife was also in on the plan, and surprise she has an Electra complex, making her only orgasm when she's thinking of daddy.
D45_B053 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:51:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
(You didn't say "next" but I'm still going to run with it.)
Your shared father was so determined to restart the Aryan race that he had surgery to look like Hitler.
Unfortunately, the surgery went wrong and now he's horrendously disfigured. His upper lip is completely gone, exposing the skull underneath, and the rest of his face is covered in horrendous scars, with a few patches which are skinless altogether. Only his scalp remains undamaged, but in his age his hair has become thin, wispy. In your youth, he would often force you to stick your fingers in the festering moist wounds when you misbehaved. He's planning on having you undergo the same operation very soon, whether you want to or not.
tbast ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 19:08:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno. Just don't have kids. The weird part of incest is the growing up together. Objectively I know my sister is pretty hot, but I'm not attracted to her at all. If I found out my wife was biologically my sister, I just wouldn't tell anyone and get a vasectomy. I'm too in love with her to just dump her because of a formality.
Getting blackout drunk only stops you from remembering everything that happened while you were blackout drunk. Anything prior to being blackout drunk remains in tact.
Fun fact: when you're blackout drunk, you don't forget anything. You're just so drunk that your brain stops recording memories entirely.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:00:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think after receiving such news one of my first courses of action would be to get blackout drunk, whether it helped or not
The solution is to get blackout drunk and then open the box. Then let drunk you decide if he should leave the note to read later or destroy it and keep drinking
My brain recorded partially one of my black outs, the others are not recorded, probably for the best. I am glad of the partial record, I had a fun time with my ex (was my girlfriend at the time)
[deleted] ยท 115 points ยท Posted at 19:03:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess if you actually get sterilized based on a note you wrote while blackout drunk, it was probably best for everyone that you did, regardless of whether the box was right or not.
NedryOS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:58:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well he wrote it before getting blackout drunk, so....
Meh, from what I've read on reddit in the past (so it's incredibly accurate) is that birth defects don't happen until you're a few generations into the same bloodline. Meaning that if your kids had kids with each other and then your grandchildren had kids together then you might start seeing the affects.
Keep in mind though, this is coming from a guy who read something like that once on here a long time ago. So you can take my word for it. Trust me. ;-)
And if I'm wrong: you can post the wrong thing on the internet and someone will come along and correct you. So you can believe this until...
3...
2...
1...
Dark512 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least it wasn't an old green guy trying to ambiguously hint it to you.
Omg my husband and I both did DNA testing a couple years ago and I was so scared (because I don't know my father) that it would show we were related. I mean I could deal with being distant cousins but not close ones. It was was a big relief when we weren't!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Roll tide!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Adoption as in "parents adopted fiancee" or "fiancee is biological sibling"? It's safe as long as it's cousins for at most 1-2 generations, and perfectly fine with a completely unrelated biologically sibling.
Of course, assuming you're living in a Western country (not called America, specifically Texas) it might be... extremely awkward.
Louis83 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please post it.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:06:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really wanted to see that picture. I imagine it was a photo of him wasted as fuck doing something raunchy like crying in the shower or eating Sandy out.
They showed it the first airing. He has a glass of scotch and a lamp share on his head. He's clearly drunk, and dancing in front of some of the other characters.
Edit:
Looked almost exactly like the center picture here, but this is fan made
You won't open the box, but you'll never be able to throw it away. You'll find it in random places wherever you move to.
One day, when you're old and very tired from living a life in poverty, you'll finally open the box. "I'm almost dead anyway how much worse could this box make my life?"
You slowly open it and start weeping when you see its contents:
$100,000,000 USD
Your heart is filled with terrible regret and you think of all the times you needed money and could have had it. Your heart is racing too fast and suddenly seizes. You die screaming in your studio apartment knowing only regret, loneliness, and pain.
You have no next of kin because you were too bitter from being poor. Since you have no one in your life you didn't bother writing a will and all that money goes to the federal government. Then they will use that money to open up Guantanamo 2.0
This reads like something out of a Stephen King story...
jcklpsn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh damn, this is a cool twist to the prompt. Now I'm definitely opening the box.
elyndar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Considering that most lottery winners are broke again soon after they win and have their lives colored by the money they once had, I'd say not opening it is still a good option.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:59:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
doreato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:51:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the worst part is knowing money would ruin my life only to realise almost everything I've put myself through was in order to gather it anyways.
Louis83 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would make an awesome short film.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And if you opened it the IRS would jail you for fraud. Gj.
Bitcoon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:43:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer to look at the silver lining: Instead of being so upset at realizing you could have been living a life of luxury, you can use this as an opportunity. Get those medical issues you've been living with fixed up to extend your life a bit more. Invest and save most of the money however you can, and be sure to include in your will who it will go to when you die. And if you have time before you do kick the bucket, take that chance to see the world and do the things you never had the money to do. Live the best years of your life right up to the end. Cap off your existence in this world by making a huge difference to the people you care about (or organizations! Maybe you make a huge donation or two) and just have the best time of your life.
Honestly, that's less of a silver lining and more of a wonderful event clouded by regret.
mikealwy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:05:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Zeus used mortals as pawns and sex slaves. It's pretty safe to say he didn't have our best interest at heart.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:54:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he's just misunderstood. Couldn't catch a break with Hera, all his children disobeying him, drama with his brothers, the whole daddy issues thing with Chronos. I mean, shit... couldn't have been easy.
Isn't that what you do when you get married? "Here, you and I can be together forever, or until you get sick enough of my bullshit that you destroy my life."
Edit: Did not see comment below first, I was not thinking that kind of box.
Well it says the contents WILL ruin your life. Not the contents will ruin your life if you open it. You might want to open it so you can be prepared for when it does happen.
I would think the box was a novelty item or some sort of gag. The curiosity of what's in the box is more than a realistic expectation of something that could seriously ruin my life.
I don't know. Why would anyone willingly open up the box?
If it had your full name on it and was sitting on your front porch, would you open it then?
Edit: I thought you meant open a box in general. If you meant why would anyone willingly open a box they knew would ruin their life, then I have nothing. But, if you didn't know the contents of the box were meant to ruin your life and it was just a box addressed to you on your doorstep, then would you open it?
It doesn't say it won't ruin it if it stays in the box. If you open it you might have a chance to fix it.
mullak33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would open it, because chances are its something very present already that I haven't realised is ruining my life, at least then I know...
It's like getting the answers you need, because I believe nothing is permanent, everything can be changed or fixed, it just depends on how hard you try or how much effort you are willing to put in.
You can change or fix anything in your life that you don't like...
GoldXP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy and I used to call needles "picks" because we both played guitar and everyone loses guitar picks, so asking if he had a pick was something we could do around other people. Talking in "code" only works if you have a very believable reason to be talking about what you say you're talking about. I thought we made this up on our own though, because I've never heard it before or since.
At the time I didn't give much thought to the etymology and we never wrote anything down - so I've got no reason to not believe you. We used various names for them but that was the most common. Unless we were going to the needle exchange to get a fresh kit, which we'd then refer to as 'smack packs' - because smack was slang for H (which wasn't my thing, but it was common enough) and a popular kid's lunch treat at the time was called 'snack pack'.
It took me many years before I realised what that one song they had was actually about - I didn't like it so I never really listened to it- and how much truth there was to it.
Phenazepam would be a better choice. Small dose and you get a tranquilizing effect. Slightly higher dose and you black out for a week and wake up with your life ruined, having acted like a maniac for the preceeding days. It is everything D.A.R.E. tried to say drugs were.
Yukfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are hundreds of drugs that do that, it's awful when you are using them for medical purposes, forget about it and start drinking recreationally.
There are places and people I am too afraid to interact with due to the fact I was in that state at the time, I cringe thinking about it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, one could always sell it all and done with it. But... what fun would that be? You should at least try it... right? I mean, there's so much, you will never see heroin again...right? Right?
Fast forward 3 months. I wish I never opened that mother fucking box...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a recovering addict, just a weeks worth of heroin would ruin my life (again).
Yukfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, right? One relapse and I'm down that rabbit hole for another couple months before I get help.
Fenor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, I've known more people to prostitute themselves for Coke than Crack. They have a different dose curve and presumed class, but they're the same drug.
because by the time you run out you would be deep deep into addiction, your life would change from one that seemingly is unaffected by drug use since you won't have to spend money or time getting that initial abundance so everything is going to catch up really really fast.
There are casual users of most drugs, you know. He could Sherlock Holmes it and only take a certain diluted amount. (Book Sherlock Holmes, not dramatic "Sherlock" Sherlock Holmes.
Sure but heroin is not a drug known for its casual users, also you clearly don't know how many junkies started out by saying I will only do this much under these exact conditions and that's it.
Fuck, man. I'm sorry. I hope everything works out for you, and there are plenty of people here (myself included) that would be happy to listen if you need an ear.
Iketorz ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:53:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:30:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:03:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not a story, but good on ya for more detail.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 03:04:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
EccPecc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:32:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WTF is wrong with you. *smh* ooh so edgy.
Vintner42 ยท 451 points ยท Posted at 14:56:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
700 million dollars and a note that says "you just won the lottery and your face has just been publicly broadcasted to the country, along with your home address and phone number. Congratulations!"
Apoc2K ยท 221 points ยท Posted at 17:36:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always wondered, how the hell are you ever going to cash in 700 million without setting off every possible red flag the IRS has?
"Where did you get this money from?" - "A magical box gave it to me."
Write it down on the form. Pay the taxes. With 9 figures of money, you should have people do it for you. Those people include an attorney, who will handle the 'story' as to the origin of the money.
You may have to burn $3-4 million in fees, but after the initial set-up, you would be cruising. If you were happy before the money, you will be very happy afterward. If you weren't happy beforehand, you will be miserable afterward.
akiva23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Theres a twilight episode like this. Don't remember the name but it had a genie. Guy wished for money. They collected. Didn't care about the source.
The IRS doesn't care. Their job is to tax income, not punish criminal behavior. For example, the IRS doesn't report workers that are in the country illegally.
Just spend it slowly in cash. Deposit it a little at a time. Start some derpy little business that mysteriously becomes very successful. You know, basic money laundering.
Torvaun ยท 329 points ยท Posted at 15:57:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That, but instead of 700 million, it's only 5 thousand. Enough cash that people will think you're hiding the rest, not enough to escape and live comfortably somewhere else.
ehh it won't be that bad. The only thing that I would probably be concerned is my phone number and address. And it's not like a lot of people would think that way about a guy that won 5 grand.
Azdusha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is when you put all the money in a trust that only pays out to you $X,000, maybe even $1X,000 at most a month and publically tell people that you're only getting so much money a month and can only get paid if you and your loved ones are un-incarcerated (by any person or group). There stops being much financial incentive to kidnap you or hold people hostage if there's so little money to gain.
(That was my powerball plan to keep abusive family members from trying to mooch off of my money. My only exceptions were going to be to buy land, a house, and pay off my mother's debts)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hire multiple people with shotguns to sit on my porch 24/7
You don't open it for years out of fear. On your last worldly day you take the plunge and lift the lid. Inside is a tiny dog skeleton. It was a nice surprise but your fear made you kill a puppy.
How can you live with yourself you heartless bastard
Thats really sad but the skull would be a neat desk ornament.
If you joined a gang, they would be all like "are u tuf enuf?" And you could show them the skull of a tiny baby dog and they would all worship you like a god, powerful enough to destroy even the cutest of puppies. Or something. Idk how gangs work.
Kids change your life to be sure but if you're halfway awake they give back a thousandfold of what they took out of you... losing a child rips out a piece of your heart you know you'll never get back.
Pretty sure a live one would actually ruin your life (the implication being that you'd have to care for it and not give it away); a dead one would only be disturbing.
Or maybe a whole bunch of them. I mean, I already have two children and life is pretty un-ruined ... but if there were like 8 more in there? No. No no no. NOOOOO.
cythonian ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 21:45:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yay it's the anti child circlejerk thread!
You know most people have children and are completely fine, in fact the majority become better people themselves as a result.
EricMcM ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:34:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Edit: because many seem to be concerned about the size of said wooden box...
When I answered I was imagining just finding a box on the porch that is kind of like a coffin that is just a rectangular prism and standing upright as if someone just shipped him to me, and when I opened the door there he was, with a bunch of packing peanuts scattered on the ground by his feet.
[deleted] ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 15:20:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.
Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.
Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.
Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
Big enough for a hitman to stand inside. Kind of like a coffin that is just a rectangular prism and standing upright. When I answered I was imagining just finding a box on the porch as if someone just shipped him to me, and when I opened the door there he was, with a bunch of packing peanuts on the ground by his feet.
[deleted] ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 17:35:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best life-ruin box. Lets say 30mg oxy sells for $30 a pop, so I get to have a ton of free drugs and make a shitload of money. I could easily ruin my life and have tons of fun doing it--10/10 would take box.
itz4mna ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:12:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plus a GPS tracker owned by Her Majesty's constabulary.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:25:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! I'm out of their jurisdiction!
kaenneth ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:50:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which is why they don't need a warrant.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:04:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you get addicted while selling, spend money on more oxy...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:52:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a life ruining box, so no way am I buying more oxy with the money. Its all going straight to needles and heroin, maybe some meth too if I feel like speeding things along.
mikealwy ยท 863 points ยท Posted at 14:43:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Judge: I hear you have the defendants search history here
Defendant: I'm guilty no need to read that
Lufernaal ยท 263 points ยท Posted at 15:04:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It all starts ok with stuff like a google search on "how to perform a CPR" and then, a few lines down, you're in a hardcore BDSM website with the most confusing CSS layout you've ever seen in your life.
[deleted] ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 15:54:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
which one with the confusing CSS layout do you mean?
The CSS reflects the kink. Weird, restrictive in all sorts of unusual ways, and impossible to escape without asking for help.
Tubaka ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 19:48:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the more fucked up your porn gets the worse the layout gets. Once you hit "pregnant furry with anal prolapse gets feet worship" it locks up your computer and just gives you a continuous stream of worsening porn
So, the wound was a bit of research about an argument I ended up not bothering with. The language analysis stuff (including LIWC) was mostly so I could get a link to help provide context to a cool intersection of science and writing.
The Last Unicorn trailer was the result of seeing something about the book and wondering if the movie held up. That started me down a rabbit hole where I wondered if The Red Bull inspired Red Bull. I didn't research that, but instead wondered about the association. The Bull was, after all, nothing less than every weakness and failing of humans made manifest in the body of a giant flaming beast and it drove the unicorns from their forests and meadows and into the sea. In doing that, some small but very real measure of beauty and hope was taken from the world. Wondering why the Bull founded a beverage empire, I sought out the counterpoint and found that the unicorns do have a beer to their credit.
Finally, ketamine and pharmacology are there because I needed to have at least a quick primer on those drugs (that's a whole different rabbit hole in my search history, I'd bet) because I needed a street name for a drug that was, in effect, "Space MDMA" Gyrojet, meanwhile, was the result of a half remembered old firearm technology where the bullets are rocket propelled rather than explosion propelled. I was hoping to come up with a plausible way to jam a very powerful anti-material round into a package a person could carry and shoot. Along with those is ten or twelve hours of searching and reading about heroin, and countless more hours digging through physics stuff to help determine if some silly idea I had was even physically possible. This is a very long way to go to say that research is often more fun than writing.
Christchurch, meanwhile, is a city I'm only aware of thanks to a book I didn't really enjoy (Friday by Robert Heinlein). It sounded nice enough and a quick google confirmed my suspicions. Assuming people in Christchurch are at least halfway decent, it is the sort of place I'd like to visit.
as someone with adhd, i have honed the craft of not just googling whatever comes into my brain, until i got voice search. i think i may have a problem.
sosnazzy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:54:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
even harder than that was figuring out how to "think about nothing" without thinking about thinking about nothing so I can finally fall asleep
i still have this problem. i have huge problems with falling asleep unless i have some kind of podcast or something on. it's personally the thing i have the hardest time overcoming and i think it's probably the thing most people don't really realize about ADHD
450925 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 15:18:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know, that the national Animal of Scotland... is the Unicorn?
-solus- ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 15:24:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if any country's national animal is the human
Frosma ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:01:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you were like the father in Big Fish, you'd think it would help you, because if you knew when you died, you'd know that you could survive anything else.
Full of hubris, you try to climb mount everest and freeze to death.The note was a lie.
Once something from the future comes back, and becomes known, the thing is no longer going to happen. Butterfly effect I think. IE, if I were told that in a week, I was going to get hit by a car, at 7:43 pm, walking out of work. I would make sure that I don't leave the plant between 7:40, and 7:50. Ergo, changing the future.
Hell, being told I get to fuck Brooklyn Decker, would probably ruin my chance, as I would be over thinking it. Or under, and therefore miss it, as I expect it to be a sure thing.
Azdusha ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:31:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
maybe they don't go into that much detail. Or there's a catch-22 involved. say "January 25th at 3:31pm" You have a heart attack that day at 3:15. If you call an ambulance, you die in traffic; if you don't, the heart attack kills you.
Hpfm2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:03:17 on May 29, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless deterministic time travel rules are at play!
...It's been three months, what am I doing with my life
Azdusha ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:29:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I"m still (passively) suicidal. If I knew there was an end in sight, it'd definitely help me get through the meantime. Less nighttime regretting of my aborted suicide attempts, less wondering if it'd really be so bad to just do it now. There's finally be a visible light at the end of the tunnel, instead of just a theoretical one.... I think I could be okay with that
Even better, the note says you have now been imbued with invincibility. At first, you live your life like normal, you just aren't scared of doing somewhat dangerous things. At some point, though, you push it a bit too far.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 15:32:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But you've managed to do everything you could have ever wanted from your life so you die with only the feeling of contentment left.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take a voice memo letting my family know I just found out I was about to die and thanking them for all they've done for me no matter how much of a pain I can be. I'd also talk about my friends who were there for me and my ex girlfriend who I wish we could have ended on better terms but I wish her the best in life.
I dont know why people think this is bad. Knowing exactly when oyure gonna die would be the fucking best.
No need to save for retirement if youre gonna die at 45 anyway. No need to worry about literally anything. You can go hiking, you can go skydiving, you can do anything knwing youre not gonna die anyway.
Most people would stop sitting at home on reddit and start doing shit.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:41:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Check out Machine of Death, edited by Ryan North, Matthew Bennardo, and David Malki.
Machine of Death is a 2010 collection of science fiction short stories edited by Ryan North, Matthew Bennardo, and David Malki.
All of the stories center around a device which, when provided with a blood sample, can identify the way a person will die. The machine relays this information by printing a short word or phrase, which serves as the title of each story, on a small card. The machine is never wrong, but often vague or cryptic.
They are written by all kinds of people, with all kinds of plots and formats. They are great!
mudpilot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like something I would enjoy reading.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:31:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently you can get the text of first book for free here. :)
mudpilot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:01:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. Looks good.
mudpilot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:51:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm. A mixed bag but some are really good. Funnier than I expected.
Cyerdous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know of a single person who would take it seriously. And neither would you I guess. Watch: mudpilot, you will die on Oct 10, 2024, at 6:32 am. I guess your life is ruined.
MrQamboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
coranos2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I had that and knew it would be accurate, I'd cap out my credit and put all the money in the bank.
The credit is cancelled when you die, the money would then go to my wife.
Well, actually, the plague is survivable now thanks to modern medicine. So, you're good. Enjoy your rats. Maybe help them get rid of their fleas though, because that's where the plague came from.
That really isn't much of a plot twist. They didn't say it was yours.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, but it does make you more skeptical about whether the test actually has anything to do with you, or if someone just put it in a random box and wrote on it.
Jman15x ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:49:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yea, then the average user of reddit has to through that super long list of women they banged......
Azdusha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a trans girl, I'd fucking love that. (And my baby would definitely be the second coming of Christ, considering I'm supposed to be sterile, am still pre-op and haven't had any sex in a long time.)
Unless you tested yourself, it just means a stranger thought you should know they either are pregnant or have testicular cancer because apparently that can cause false positives
Proof that the universe is a simulation designed by extradimensional beings for the sole purpose of seeing what a universe with suffering in it would look like.
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 20:04:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
It doesn't really make sense when you consider that such beings would likely not even have a concept of suffering, and therefore would never create the simulation
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Are you claiming that we are not capable of having concepts of things that do not exist in concrete reality?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:09:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Essentially, yes. It's a weird thought, and doesn't seem right at first, but us humans are very bad at coming up with concepts of things that do not exist. For example, try imagining an animal that doesn't exist. It's not hard of course, you can imagine a cat with tentacles, or a giant flying slug, or a caterpillar with spider legs, or a million other things. But all of these animals are simply composed of parts of animals you have already seen. Imagining an animal composed of parts that you've never seen on any animal is very difficult. I'm having trouble imagining anything other than some sort of fleshy, translucent, gaseous blob. And even if you have an exceptional imagination and can imagine some fully-fleshed animal that has no resemblance to anything that has ever been seen, you will still be imagining it as a familiar colour. For all our imagination, humans are incapable of imagining colours that we have never seen.
You could argue that if these hypothetical beings existed in a state of pure bliss, they could theorize that suffering existed by imagining the opposite of bliss, but imagining the opposite of something that doesn't exist in duality is very difficult as well. For example, what is the opposite of time? In a world without suffering, bliss isn't something that would appear to have an opposite. If humans existed in a world without suffering, we would imagine that the opposite of bliss is numbness.
*This post contains paraphrased excerpts from something I read once, but for the life of me I can't remember where. All credit goes to where it is due, wherever that might be.
So essentially....God does exist. Checkmate atheists.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like Descartes (for your source). I'm not sure if that's what you read but you essentially outlined his argument for gods existence.
SoefianB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What book is it from? I'd love to read it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's in one of his meditations. Just look up the Trademark Argument by Descartes and you should be able to find it.
SoefianB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:43 on February 17, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was wondering if it was Descartes, he was the first result when I tried to find whatever I was paraphrasing in Google. Guess something from philosophy class actually stuck in my mind after all.
The Simulation Hypothesis claims that it is likely we are living in computer simulation. Basically there could be any amount of time before the existence of our universe, and given infinite time there would be a civilization somewhere, sometime, that would decide to run a universe simulation. I think it claims that this is more likely than us being the "first" intelligent life.
peon2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but so what? Even if that was true does it actually change anything?
Fr33_Lax ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:11:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh don't get me started on this mind fuck again. It was hard enough to get over it last time.
Would their universe truly be without suffering if they could design something with suffering in it? Perhaps they invented suffering. How would they know such a thing could exist? Would that make them evil?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:06:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me about an argument about God being evil. If God is real and everything about him is true, like being all-knowing, knows everything that will and did happen, but created Adam and Eve knowing damn well they'd fuck up, then he's evil. He didn't have to create humanity, or he could have created something who he knew wouldn't turn on him. He granted sentience and the power of choice to a species, knew they'd fuck it up and kill each other, fuck each other over, etc. because he just... wanted to. Then he expects you to live life fearing him and attempting to mimic what he stands for, even if what he stands for can be contradictory or ass backwards at times.
If this universe was created by "God," he's inherently evil. He knew the suffering that would ensue if he gave his creations the power of choice rather than instinct, but he did it anyways. He knew it wouldn't be some perfect utopia. It was like he wanted to play his own little game with sentient beings for his own amusement.
If this universe is created by a simulation, then the suffering is inherent and deliberate as well. You can't have the power of choice without suffering. You just can't. Being able to think for yourself and make your own decisions will ultimately lead to greed, pride, etc. Not everyone is greedy or prideful, but it is an essential component to life as we know it. So, if this is a simulation, it was created by beings who also have the power of choice. They know how their own universe works, they want to see how a simulation of it works, knowing that they're possibly damning entire species to suffering for as long as the simulation runs. Even if there was no suffering in their dimension for whatever reason, they specifically coded it to be possible in ours.
Either way, "God" and the simulation creators who came before us to create this simulation are inherently evil.
More spiders than should actually fit in the box. Where do they keep coming from? You'll ask yourself, before realizing that you're now ankle deep in spiders. . .
Futilely, you attempt to close the box again. The spiders pressurize the box, and it breaks open again, discharging a geyser of angered territorial arachnids.
You are doused with spiders in your hair, down the back of your neck. They're in your shirt!
You turn to run away, and actually make progress, until the giant Trapdoor opens up.
[deleted] ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 20:55:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
coranos2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:23:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Solution:
Start a company making unlimited free energy out of burning the bodies of this infinite supply of spiders you have found.
I mean spiders burn too, right?
So make a spider fueled turbine, right?
kaenneth ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:43:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know, it was interesting reading up to the 'smashed to bits' part. I imagine there are more than a few people for whom their hard drive, flash drive, backup flash drive, and offsite drive would be far more likely to ruin their life if presented in perfect condition by someone else.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:26:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
there's a good story on /r/nosleep about that, some guy loses his flash drive then that night, kills himself. it's a good read and highly upvoted
hjqusai ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:44:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably just lay down and cry. That's my personal life. My childhood. My history. My legacy. And my livelihood. This truly would ruin my life completely.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:08:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably just lay down and cry. That's my personal life. My childhood. My history. My legacy. And my livelihood. This truly would ruin my life completely.
Not really. You might think so now, but if you ever went through an experience like this where you "lose everything", your focus would shift to being grateful to be alive. You'd be surprised how quickly you get over your losses when you have no other choice: the past is gone anyway, and there's literally nothing left to do but keep on living and doing the best you can. Remembering the words of the ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus will get you through black days like nothing else:
Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.
The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.
Aiming therefore at such great things, remember that you must not allow yourself to be carried, even with a slight tendency, towards the attainment of lesser things. Instead, you must entirely quit some things and for the present postpone the rest. But if you would both have these great things, along with power and riches, then you will not gain even the latter, because you aim at the former too: but you will absolutely fail of the former, by which alone happiness and freedom are achieved.
Work, therefore to be able to say to every harsh appearance, "You are but an appearance, and not absolutely the thing you appear to be." And then examine it by those rules which you have, and first, and chiefly, by this: whether it concerns the things which are in our own control, or those which are not; and, if it concerns anything not in our control, be prepared to say that it is nothing to you.
Source: "lost everything"; re-made a life that's meaningful and worth living.
Really? I think I could lose every bit of data I have, and except for some questions and work to redo, be perfectly fine and back up and running within a day or two.
Assuming that the banks haven't lost anything of mine, that is.
I'm a programmer and gamer. I've been using a computer since I was 6, and still have old documents from my early teens. My freelance work, and my office work would all be gone. So would all of the pictures of my kids. Yeah, it would suck :P
Yeah definitely picture proof of my boyfriend cheating, it would change most of my life. Work is tied to our living accommodations together, we split bills in an expensive city, all our families and friends are intertwined, he's my best friend, ect. Starting new having acquired a loss of trust in others would be devastating.
Yeah... it happened about 6 months after our break up. So much harder when people actively help you out and be bros only to abandon you because they want a piece of your ex. Fuckers.
ugh. my sympathies, mang. i'm currently exploring a mix of stoicism and buddhism -- life can be tough, but don't get too stressed about things outside your control. it's pretty good so far.
2ero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Starting new having acquired a loss of trust in others would be devastating.
I wasn't exactly cheated on but...
This is something I'm struggling with at the moment. You can move on to meet new people but you may be a little paranoid about trusting new people.
Peggy was pregnant and didn't know until she basically went into labor. It was 1960 and a single woman being sexually active was a scandal. She has the baby and gives it up for adoption, never speaking of it again. Later we find out that Don Draper is not really Don Draper. The real Don died in Korea.
stufff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's why it would ruin my life. I would spend hours upon hours questioning it. Questioning her. Whether it's true or not I know it would have a huge impact on my life having that doubt
RevRaven ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 14:54:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. I'm not fucking opening it.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:30:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It follows you around till you open it, and while your sleeping teleports to the foot of the bed so when you wake up everyday you'll see it. Once your driven to madness and abandoned your family, you will open it.
And in that box.....will be a repleca of that box!
RTHREEB ยท 143 points ยท Posted at 14:44:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A sticky note that says "People only tolerate you."
Fuck, it'd wreck me. Thanks anxiety. :/
_josepi_ ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 17:18:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi. A guy with anxiety here. I'm sure you hear it a lot, but stop putting value in the opinions of others. Do what you want, for you, and your benefit. Others should always come second to...you.
But be careful when establishing the mindset that preople come second to you. Thats how you become a psychopath...and its pretty difficult to come back from...
I mean that's easy to say but it's hard to practice I guess. Like if you were really able to think like that I feel like that'd be really lonely. Then again with anxiety I feel lonely so it's the same result either way ยฏ_(ใ)_/ยฏ
I'm not trying to be shitty, I'm actually trying to be encouraging - a level of "tolerating" is present in pretty much any human relationship. Nobody's perfect, so at some point, everyone you care about was just putting up with you - because they care about you. Putting up with someone is a sign of genuine affection - it's saying "it's important enough to have this person in my life that I will deal with them when they get on my nerves". In return, you tolerate their faults, because they're important people to you in spite of their flaws. So sometimes people are only tolerating you. But if they're still around it's because they think you're pretty cool the rest of the time.
RTHREEB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh gosh I know! I'm sorry if I came across that way! :(
Ehhh, I feel like you'd be able so smell it before you opened the original box. Say what you will, but every man on planet earth knows the smell of month old dried cum. That fire-retardant, Teflon coated, waterproof sock in your closet when you were 13? Yeah, that smell. Now, multiply by a billion and add on a life giving fire on top of it with more cum and sprouting mushrooms. You'd smell that and be like "meh, I'm out but I can think of a few people to re gift it to"
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:24:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well it did scar a lot of people.
Seba553 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:59:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think he is saying he would be fucking himself so much, that he would completely ruin his asshole, and thus his social life, since his only acquaintances are the gay men that buttfuck him.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:44:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my sweet child, when will you learn that your life is your ass?
I'm trying to plant some seeds of doubt around, and then maybe in a week or so I'll do a TIL about how Schrodinger hated cats and would kill them regularly with a variety of atomic contraptions.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:08:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A list of all the bad things that happen because I exist. Simple actions and words spoken (or unsaid) that have far reaching consequences. Even more direct actions like "didn't give homeless guy money, he starved to death." It would be a reverse It's a Wonderful Life situation.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:09:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lifetime supply of frozen reeses peanut butter cups
A piece of string,and when the string is pulled a secret compartment is revealed.inside that secret compartment is an embarrassing picture of me at the christmas party.
McZerky ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:53:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A list of every wrong decision I've ever made. Every time I've fucked up, said or done something wrong. This makes me too aware of every decision I make, so I stop making decisions entirely.
It wasn't hope and also all the troubles of the world. It was all the evils of the world โ of which Elpis/Hope/Expectation was a member. Hope and Expectation can mess you up worse than a lot of bad things.
elsuperj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not wrong. Especially if the box was rigged to alert the FBI when opened.
TKSPAMM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A card that entitles free food from any fast food restaurant.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The live feed showing my entire life has actually been broadcast to the public, that I was just navigating through an intricately devised web of deceit by actors and actresses in a Truman show sort of way. Everything from the embarassing web searches to the cringe worthy awkward moments weren't real, and the people who "love me" are just paid more than the ones who simply interact with me. That would just about do it lol
It would destroy my self confidence, self image would be wrecked, and I'd probably drink myself to death within a week.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really? I'd probably go exact revenge on a few people and then get over it. lol
vizzmay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:20:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A detailed plan on how to live my life with every possible scenario mapped out with final results. Every possible scenario, including me choosing to ignore the contents.
A tiny version of you from the future, sent to deliver one desperate message - "Look out behind you!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I already read that 'Pandora' legend. I know better than to open it. Encase it in steel reinforced concrete, take it way out into the sea in a boat, and drop it in.
ricdesi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nanoson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:21:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Surprised to have not seen this yet; a half of some premium H, along with some fresh rigs, a bottle of water, a carton of Newports, and some Hifi headphones.
Although that would end my life, more so than ruin it.
John_Fx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will never know
Skream1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Polaroids and flash drives of random men with their peepees in you mouth while you sleep. With your parents and siblings collecting admission fee's and selling merchandise as a line stretches out your front door. You find 7 years worth of records.
Official medical documents confirming all my loved ones have a terminal illness. My son, my husband, my sister, my nephew, my cat, even my best friend, all on death's doorstep. My worst fear is inches from coming true. I'm going to be totally alone in the world.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A never ending supply of hostess treats, weed and enough money for rent, internet, videogames and delivery food. I would never leave my apartment again and eventually become a 700 lbs man that melded with a recliner.
You had to slaughter 20 hack wannabe super villians to get to the room. They were pathetic and no match for you. They knew it, but the needed the cash. You killed them mercilessly.
The box contains the evidence showing that all 20 were your bastard children.
Also,..you are Wolverine.
Proof my boyfriend is cheating on me. I don't think he is, this is just the first time I've been happy in a very long time,and we've slowly built a life together, and that would ruin everything.
Polaroid after polaroid of my mother doing every type of porn you can think of, the top most picture being the most graphic, close up, and in HD so that it could perfectly sear into my brain forever.
Rob1150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A credit card. Doesn't matter the limit. Once you open that first credit card account, it's a slippery slope of debt management for the rest of your life. Fewer things cause Americans as much anxiety, frustration, and heartache as financial worries and credit cards play a HUGE role.
Seriously? Probably pics of my now-wife with old boyfriends (possibly in compromising positions). Since this would've been the late-nineties, it means that she would've been comfortable with that before it was super easy to accomplish. I would be crushed. You can say that makes me insecure with relationship but it is an honest answer. She would feel the same, I think. We make each other happy now which is what matters but the heart is an odd beast.
gomsa2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My head...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test, a positive HIV test, a letter from the person i love that says that he doesn't want to see me anymore because he hates me....
Why would you want to see a video of your semi-concious mother on her hands and knees in the back of a rusty Pinto behind the gym their senior year while the mascot jerks one out lookin in the windows?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Probably a lot of drugs. I have a pretty addictive personality and both of my brothers have had addiction problems. I'm pretty sure if I had a box full of drugs i'd talk myself into just trying it. Then in a week i'd be living on the streets blowing guys for some heroin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my world it would be a box filled with klonopin. So high, yet so tired, but so high.
The book of you. Said book describes everything that is going to happen in your life and the outcome is impossible to change. Takes the fun out of everything.
A gun that shoots into your face, permanently blinding you and cutting your nervous system, preventing you from saying or doing anything except blinking and breathing.
I've been in the US as an "illegal alien" for most of my life and only just recently acquired a visa so I can't legally be deported. I have absolutely no knowledge of how to live outside of the US. My entire life, family, friends are all in the states. So I guess for me, inside the box would be an official notice telling me that I'm being deported.
Velkyn01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A slightly smaller box, fitting perfectly within the original one, with the same message. When you open it, you find another slightly smaller box. This continues downward. You waste away becoming a madman trying to figure out when it ends, only to eventually realize it doesn't.
I never ever want to experience me having sex without the obscuring haze of being in the moment. Because I'm sure I look like an uncooked blob of biscuit dough absorbing some poor woman.
A picture of me from the future, with a note describing my place in life at that point. revealing to me that no matter how hard I try I end up old and alone.
It's you, as an older dead person, shipped back in a coffin from the future as a warning to not bet on Super Bowl 60, or the Chinese Mafia will kill you. Yet, by not voting on that superbowl you continue to live a life of destitution and meaningless sex...
So, what do you do?
Rozkol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's an app for your iphone that takes your life and turns into a ruin. Like Fat Booth. Except instead of an insurance salesman you are now a pile of rubble in the Fertile Crescent. Perhaps you are historically relevant. Or perhaps you were an outhouse for a shepherd along the Euphrates. The contents have ruined your life.
A magical token that made me straight.
I don't know how I would cope with such a fundamental change to myself. It would have serious impacts on almost every relationship in my life.
I don't know. It says the contents will ruin my life. Will they ruin my life if they get out, or is just seeing whats in there ruin it? No idea what's inside, man, but I'm not opening that shit.
Say thank you, open the box, and tell whoever gave it to me 'shit man, this thing is full of bees' and then they would run away screaming because they're deathly allergic to bees.
I like how it's assumed we will open the box. Pandora and all that shit.
I have hard time imagining anything in there that would ruin your life other than physical problems, like its secretly a Saw trap or something. A virus is the best thing I can think of, but that's still just physical.
A board game covered in spoiled milk and a scratched copy of Martin Lawrence and Eddie Murphy's movie covered in crumbs. I never got to eat my cornbread :(
Opening the box releases ebola via an aerosol spray. Confetti also flies out of the box so that you don't notice right away that you've been exposed to something dangerous.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Schroedinger's Cat
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just kidding it's a joke y'all very kidding joking everyone
A timer that reads for about 10 years from now and specifies the time of your death. After you spend the rest life preparing and enjoying what you have of it you gather around with loved ones and wait. The timer ends. But nothing happens. Youre still alive, you still have the rest of your life ahead of you! You celebrate and laugh and feel an immense weight off your shoulders. It was fake!
Then about a month later, you are making breakfast for your family when you hear a small crack and your lifeless body falls to the floor. Blood splattered all around you and a bullet hole in your temple that lines up perfectly with the new hole in the kitchen window.
A sex tape of my girlfriend with someone else, and transcripts of text messages between her and someone else stating that she'd been dating someone else behind my back for months. I went through that once before with someone I was about to propose to, and the shock and depression nearly led me to end it. It took nearly 3 years of intense mental work to get past it and trust someone else with my heart, and I love her with everything I have to give. If I had to go through that again, I am 100% certain I'd successfully end it this time. I couldn't handle that pain a second time.
Yeah, I kinda feel like a perpetual shell of a man with limited emotional range. Nothing really gets to me deeply. At least I know others love me more than I love them and it gives me power in relationships I'm afraid to abuse.... ya, got that going for me.
An item that you desperately needed. Except you thought you were smart, and saw that since the contents would ruin your life, so you never opened. Then at the end of your life you open it out of curiosity, only to discover it was everything you ever wanted. Your life is now ruined by the fact that you never opened the box when you needed it most.
My mother suffered for years because of breast cancer that spread to her abdomen. I get regular check ups, but still I am very scared of it.
Mcmuphin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My fiancรฉes engagement ring
kkfenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A smaller box, but somehow of the same size, as if it had no thickness and there are infinite boxes inside of boxes and I would have to take them all out and it would drive me crazy. Later, if I ever reached the end, I couldn't put them back as they are not the same size even though they are the same size and there would be a huge pile of boxes I couldn't get rid of. Breaking them would be too dangerous. Imagine a papercut, but with hard wood.
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Blow it up.
kkfenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Extra tiny shrapnel
Edit: good for bombs
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box is empty, which leads me to think it's been opened before and whatever was inside has escaped. So for the rest of my life I become paranoid, always looking over my shoulder for whatever it is that will supposedly ruin my life. The paranoia becomes obsessive and I start to lose my mind as it consumes my day-to-day life, causing me to lose focus on doing the things that would make me happy. I'm suspicious of everyone and alienate them because of it. Now I'm alone and I've failed at everything.
Endless wooden boxes, each with the same inscription. Box after box, until you have to use a magnifying glass, then a microscope, then a molecular microscope, and then...
DaBuhl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb.
sytza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The oppertunity of knowing every bad thing about your self is good. Only the most strong human will open it and accept it, deal with it, closes it wiser and stronger. This is not something to be afraid of, only weak persons think it is. That life is all about the good things. Its not, learning and growing with sad events formes you. It forms a balanced wise human. A human that loves cats and wastes his hole day on reddit
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
3LD_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
have you tried speed? if you're going to have a problem it might as well be a hyper productive problem
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A laptop is sending an email with a breakdown of every single psychological aspect of mine to everyone I know, along with my internet history. No one could ever look me in the eye again.
Undeniable proof that those you love all agree: you're a worthless piece of shit.
None of them would ever admit it, but everything you've ever worked for would just feel so worthless and you would never be able to trust anyone again.
You may or may not go on living. Doesn't matter, either way you're devastated and will never be the same person again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On the plus side you got a sweet box you don't have to worry about sharing with anyone
Theres a white t-shirt that says 'life' and when you open the box a small glass of red wine spills all over your new white shirt, ruining your life...shirt
Information from your future showing a hideous spouse and children, financial statements showing you are in financial ruin, and a medical report showing you've got the HIV
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My insurance dropping me.
My anti rejection meds are otherwise $600+ a month. That's one of the 6 meds I need to live.
There's no way I could afford to pay for my meds each month without resorting to prostitution or something horrible.
So it'd ruin my life by ending it...slowly and painfully. Not again.
Chuffnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The NHS and my ex.
Hahahaha.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You open the box, you ruin your life. You don't open the box, you obsess over what the contents could have been for the rest of your life as your relationships, jobs, and family all crumble away from you without your notice. Eventually, you die alone and insane after ruining your life obsessing over what could have ruined your life.
I would open it. If I didn't then it'd ruin my life because I'd always wonder. So better to know it and ruin it then to live in a ruined life wondering.
Saeta44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's wedding ring. Either something has happened to her or she's left me, and I've already been left by a fiancรฉe once before. That ruined me, I can only imagine what my wife leaving would do.
A timer slowly ticking down, with 42 years, 11 months, 5 days, 20 hours, 52 minutes, and 9 seconds on it. What's it ticking down to? Only 42 years, 11 months, 5 days, 20 hours, 51 minutes, and 43 seconds to go. TickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickDING! Times up! And nothing happened at all! But you just wasted almost 43 years worrying about it. Have fun with your last few years!
The box is opened to reveal enough toxic waste to burn her eyes and ears until she is blind and deaf. But not enough to kill her. she thinks her life is over for a minute or two, but then she realizes that she still has her hands, and the situation is also in God's hands. She becomes excited thinking of ways God will use this in his story.
A note talking about a new update for TF2 that removes everything but sniper and engineer, and makes sentries instantly build and sniper shots always instakill
Schrodinger's cat box concept but with your life being the cat...
Your life as it is before opening the box it is neither bad or good, it is just what it is and your life is waiting for you to open the box to either be better or suck afterwards... but none of that is true until you open the box. the concept of "ruining" is based on your perception.
- If you're rich and loose all your wealth, you commit suicide.
or
- If you're poor and you become billionaire, overwhelmed by it you commit suicide.
Normality pills. The kind of pills that make me just like everyone else, nothing unique or standing out.. the kind of pills that make me feel accepted from every person and validate my self worth.
Proof my mom, dad , and grandmother didn't die when I was three and the people that adopted me staged everything but kidnapped me and my brother then didn't do everything they could to fix his heart condition so he died when I was 7. It was all so they could continue to perpetuate what great family values they had a continue their place in society.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bunch of photos of me as a happy kid, along with a handwritten letter written by me before age 10 about everything I'd hoped to have accomplished by the age I am now.
A set of jaws that launch out and take off my hands. I'm a diesel mechanic, without my hands I don't work. And all I know how to do is work with my hands.
If I found this box on my front porch....I would put it in the trunk of my car drive MILES away and leave it at the crossroads. Why would you open a box that says it's going to ruin your life? I like my life!
I'm not clicking 'save' without the disclaimer that this would not be a penalty for me personally as I got stupid lucky with mine but I have friends that would applaud this choice and I post this for them.
rubixium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A thousand spiders which come out and cover you
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:16:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is no rule against NOT opening the box, so I don't open it, crisis averted.
Cigarettes, a butane torch, a small can of butane, bags of meth, cocaine, and syringes full of heroine. Plus, $9,000 in counterfeit money, a pair of brass knuckles, a Desert Eagle pistol, several bullets for said gun, and a hand grenade. Also, lastly, an iPhone with the contacts list full of terrorists. The iPhone's lockscreen and background both say in big bold letters "FUCK THE POLICE."
Deztru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably anthrax
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another smaller box- but it's locked and you can't figure out how to open it. You hold onto it in hopes of somehow opening it and a couple minutes before you die, it opens, putting into your mind all the things you've wondered and doubted throughout your life. All the secrets hidden from you, all the possible futures. Then, you die, unable to act on the information you've been given.
Malakoji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:42:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kazin7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A piece of paper saying "Your life so far is just a dream"
kajar9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your wife's abortion for a child you seemed both eager to bring to the world, with a letter stating, that it might have not been yours... that she was deceitful around the time of conception.
She had such guilt over it and went and killed herself after the abortion.
One-time use potion of eternal youth/life. Now, since you'll never die of old age, the only way your life could end is an accident. Before, when you got in a car/plane, you said to yourself "Well, I'm gonna die someday, and my chances are pretty low" Not any more.
A shotgun pointed at your face and opening the lid pulls a string, which in turn pulls the trigger. The shell is filled with bird shot. You don't die, but your face is fucked and your eyeballs obliterated. Life ruined.
A baby. Some people will dislike this answer, but for me, it's the end of everything. I'm working to establish a teaching career, and for me that means devoting every waking moment to reflecting on my teaching and trying to better myself. I've taken every precaution against pregnancy and my biggest fear is that all of those things will fail and I would end up with a child long before I was mentally ready for one. A lot of women have great careers and have children, but I'm just not at that stage yet.
Bing bam bom, everything I enjoy in life will have been taken away from me... Beyond maybe reading, but only if I somehow get books with blind-letters in them.
fosiacat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
positive pregnancy test
jruss96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump
๐๏ธ ihlaking ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 14:37:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going with a Hogwarts letter.
psi567 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, why would that ruin your life?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, doesn't Op want to be a wizard?
psi567 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:56:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna guess that op is middle aged and the knowledge that Op could've gone to hogwarts would ruin them.
you're scrolling on reddit and see a link the the description "warning contents will ruin your life" what's inside when you click on it? Thanks a lot assholes
Bunny36 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:12:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever it is isn't worth the risk. I'd seal it up and bury it, unopened. (Destroying it risk releasing the life-ruining agent, so better to just store it somewhere secure indefinitely.)
Nissir ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:16:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a letter from my ex saying how everything was my fault and a big fuck you cause youre a peice of shit. and heres a picture of her, her husband and, kids... happy without me... wedding pictures. vacations. and such. and her saying it could have been me but i wasnt good enough. i wasnt the person i should have been. and its all my fault.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:23:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just a single, regular bottle of beer. The person who opens it will make the connection that they're fated to end up as an alcoholic, and actually become one.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:07:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ebola, acid, a radiotherapy cylinder pointed straight at me, a gun rigged to the lid pointed straight at me, mosquitoes with hiv/aids or zika or west nile, child porn with a phone directly connected to the FBI rigged to the lid, my ex boyfriend...
Given that I don't put it immediatly on an active bomb range....
My ex-bf.
He turned out to be a highly manipulative sociopath and I was damn lucky to get the restraining order.
I was devastated when he ran off with some mistress from the internet one weekend and then married her a few days later. Even though he was a terrible boyfriend I was still deeply betrayed.
They were divorced within a couple months, and when I saw the absolute hell he put her through I was relieved that I had my life back and he wasn't allowed in it.
He tormented that girl. Violently assaulted her many times, lied to her about everything (how else do you get someone off the internet to marry you within weeks of talking to them?), stole her car keys so she couldn't leave, tried to kill her dog, emptied her life savings and bank accounts, told her she was such a terrible person she didn't deserve better.
When she did try to leave he found her safe house and would stalk her every move at it. She eventually moved for her own safety, he has refused to sign the divorce papers, despite having since moved his new girlfriend into his house almost the same week she left.
No one deserves to be treated like that, mistress or not.
Saved comment
[deleted] ยท 1179 points ยท Posted at 15:01:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JakeStateFarm182 ยท 313 points ยท Posted at 17:36:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say something similar. "Here's what you could have been had you started training sooner. Here's what you could have if you actually stuck with one of your hobbies and never gave up."
But seriously, just a note predicting the future, that said, "you will never go to the Olympics. Hell, you'll never even get close to Nationals. That would wreck me beyond belief.
RawrImABigScaryBear ยท 179 points ยท Posted at 18:02:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you're good enough to even consider it a legitimate chance of making it to nationals in any sport, you're doing significantly better than most people, even others who have devoted most of their life to it. Keep your head up.
Ironwarsmith ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:00:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but one of the most frustrating things is that no matter how much you practice, no matter how hard you try, you're only just not good enough to be among the best.
Or so I imagine. I'm not that good at any particular thing, I'm very average.
F7Uup ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 00:14:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Top 10% at something is pretty awful. Good enough to dominate anyone in pickup, not good enough to get paid for it. And at that point you've probably invested a significant amount of your life towards being good at it but it's never going to pay off besides being known as the guy that's 'really good at that thing but not on a team or anything'.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:55:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhh yes, CSGO.
F7Uup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
2.9k hours in Dota 2 barely any of that is menu idle.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still fun being good, and I enjoyed getting there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not a top 10% violinist, but I managed to get paid for it. It's all about how you leverage being slightly above average at something.
F7Uup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But comparative to a top 1% or even a 5% it is paltry. It all depends on your aspirations I suppose. It just sucks hitting a wall when you want to go over/through it. If you're happy sitting on that wall then more power to you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think most people who say they want to break the top 10% of something are lying to themselves. Everyone wants to be an expert at something, but hardly anyone wants to put in the work.
mashandal ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:31:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Top 10% of anything is around 500 hours of practice. That's not a significant chunk of your life imo
possiblylefthanded ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:56:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are 700,000,000,000 goddamn people in the world. How conceited does someone have to be to expect to be at the very top, or top 10, or top 1000?
Ironwarsmith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:24:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone who wants to get paid for their hobbies.
deityblade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:12:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dragon Ball Z taught me, from a young age, that there is ALWAYS someone stronger- but that's ok.
If no one was stronger than you, there would be no point in trying anymore
TheHereticMime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't help. Being just barely out of reach is the worst feeling imaginable. Knowing that you tried, you gave it everything you had and you still couldn't get it done...
Notentirely-accurate ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:42:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're going to destroy the competition in nationals. There is your note; now go live it =D
Tactical_Prussian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:48:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is selection for the Insurance Olympics that rigorous? My condolences man...
cursed_deity ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could live with it.
neverbuythesun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:48:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine would say "here's what could have happened if you weren't such a little bitch"
yadhtrib ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:15:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well you'd probably get there for sure if you took off your khakis...
titsonalog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like that episode of rick and Morty where they can see other realities where they're more successful
SadGhoster87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:24:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then again, you have no clue whether or not the note is true. It's just a random box.
Extramrdo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:59 on February 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And here's the restraining order to prove it!
Lestat117 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:41:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But that note would actually make your life better. You can stop trying to get to nationals and focus on something else you could be better at.
The_Legend_of_Jaelon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:28:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know about you, but I'd love that. All the things I could learn from it...
Lambeaux ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:41:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. I'm not dead. This just gave me a cheat sheet for pretty much anything I want to try again on.
throwmeintothewall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not really. Just to give an example. When I was around 10 I was the goalkeeper of our football team. I was pretty good, and even when I try as an adult I can feel how it is way more natural for me than really playing football. For some reason I decided that I didnt want to do it anymore. We lost a match 9-0 and I refused to be a goalkeeper again.
Now, I dont expect that I would play at the highest level, but maybe I would still play amateur football as a goalkeeper. Maybe I would have had different friends today because I met them at football. Or maybe I would have gotten a foot in my head in the next match and died. In any case, it is to late to do anything about it.
It isnt that I am unhappy with my life, but I am sure I have made tiny decitions that would have changed my life in some way. And it is not like I really regret stopping my goalkeeping career, but it is not impossible that it might have effect on my life now.
MrNatural__20 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My thought on this is similar, yet twists the knife a little more:
A short sentence, with an explanation of when you should have said it, that would have made your life much much better (with details on how)... and the worst part is, you realize it occurred to you to say but you didn't say it at the time. All completely plausible, of course.
gi4ntfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But what if you scored perfectly and have the best score you possibly could and your life still sucks?
Louis83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As if I don't get right this every night when I try to sleep.
The_Specialest_K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reading
"really? That fucked me over?"
keeps reading
"well no shit. That was awful"
X1000
TastyArsenic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wrong how? i never got the whole "go back in time and fix it all" thing, because this is the only reality we know, the only one we can possibly know. every decision we have ever made has lead us here, not just big ones, tiny ones too. like what to eat for breakfast one morning, or whether to go out one night, or what to wear that one day last june that you went shopping. millions of choices, millions of non-binary decisions with billions of possible outcomes and with that many possibilities there is no "wrong" choice, just different. even if you could find some metric for "best possible life" your score isnt out of a million, not even a billion. it's out of infinity and any score out of infinity is a failing grade. the life you have isn't a punishment for your mistakes, it's a culmination of every choice, good or bad or otherwise all jumbled together to form you. be happy with it, because in the end there is no passing grade, just life.
throwmeintothewall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is a bit overly philosopical, but yeah, it is of course impossible. But in reality I make an infinite amount of choices every day. A few I am happy about, a few I regret, and almost all I never think about again. It would be very interesting to see how life pans out if some of my key choices in life are done differently. Some of the choices I regret might have been good choices and opposite. Now, obviously, we cant take every little decition into account, there is most likely tons of ways I can end the days as a billionaire, but they are all pretty farfetched (type, make lots of right decitions while gambling). But for some semi big moments in my life, it would be facinating to see where I had been today if they had played out differently.
If I just got ways my life got better it would be pretty depressing even if I knew there was as many ways my life could have been worse.
Or maybe I just like to think about butterfly effect scenarios. It is pretty interesting to think about the mundane decitions that might have huge effect. I am for example pretty sure I had never met the girl I am seeing if it wasnt for the fact that I couldnt sleep one night three months before I met her.
bangbangshotmed0wn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:26:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All joking aside, that would be like a cheat code for life, especially if you could refresh and update it. How else could you get such a comprehensive list of the flaws in your dedication making.
You could change your life if you could get past your absolutely wrecked morale.
StarryEyedKid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would it be worse if it showed you that every decision you've made so far is the best one yet you still won't get anywhere in life?
Rixxer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can't live with regrets about doing something differently in the past. There is no possible way to know the consequences of alternate actions. For all you know, this is the best timeline. Is that depressing or amazing? You decide.
Kilazur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He said a box, not a 18 tons truck.
Liagala ยท 5662 points ยท Posted at 14:53:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing. It is completely empty. You stare at it for a few seconds before the obvious realization sets in - you don't need anything to ruin your life. You've done an admirable job of that all on your own.
[deleted] ยท 1491 points ยท Posted at 15:59:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Liagala ยท 847 points ยท Posted at 16:08:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh. A mirror changes it. If there's a mirror in the box, it's a direct and unambiguous message from whoever put it there - cut and dry, and depending on your personality you could just toss it away without really internalizing it. My way, there's that moment of confusion followed by the realization coming from within. It's a much more powerful message because it's your own, and it's presented more strongly because that brief pause to figure it out makes you more mentally and emotionally open to it.
3226 ยท 548 points ยท Posted at 16:11:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plus, if life gives you mirrors, make mirrorade!
[deleted] ยท 201 points ยท Posted at 16:40:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds painful
ProfessorMisanthrope ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 16:45:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It goes right through you.
lux_operon ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 19:02:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the thought of drinking it tears me up inside.
Depressed_Rex ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 20:12:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We should reflect on this topic
lux_operon ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:11:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
perhaps over some mirror shardonnay?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:49:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry, I just can't see myself drinking any.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:20:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
captain_awesome101 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:19:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NUP RORRIM
iamdagr8est ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:16:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Results came back.
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shed some light on the subject.
kamikazeguy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drinking it does that too.
Smartstocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then the drinker starts throwing up blood.
Cakepufft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:39 on February 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Literally.
itz4mna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:04:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If life gives you lemons it's time to break out the salt and tequila.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:48:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When life gives you lemons, GET MAD! Yell! Demand that Life TAKES THE LEMONS BACK! I don't want your damn lemons, life! Demand to speak to life's manager! I'll get the boys working on combustible lemons! Do you know who I AM?!
I'M THE GUY WHOSE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! ...WITH THE LEMONS!
crysys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YEA! He says what we're all thinking!
beepbeepitsajeep ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:22:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean limes.
InRealLifeImQuiteBig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When life gives you limes, make margaritas
BigUptokes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could see myself trying it.
MemphisOsiris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop drinking it through your ass then.
AlcoholicInsomniac ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 16:39:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If life giving you nothing make nothingade my life motto.
Ucantalas ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 16:59:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothingade
It's basically just sugar water!
MysteriousLiquid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:26:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Minus the sugar!
Cyber_Toon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:06:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the water!
BlooFlea ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:22:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now with 100% less water and sugar!
peachosandtea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MOAR!!!
Keydet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:12:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But it's got electrolytes
GrandMa5TR ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:59:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Foolaid=Water+Food Coloring
sonic_the_groundhog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just minus the sugar water
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhh, the ol' reddit mirror-a-roo
Bruce-The-Shark ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:16:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my reflection, I'm going in!
scharfes_S ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It hasn't moved for three hours. I'm freaking out, man.
bonydogmen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:08:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're my favorite.
OzBoySea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's mirraculous!
TheGeraffe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mirror ads sounds like a euphemism for mercury.
bluscoutnoob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make life take the mirrors back!
Villiamsburg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:33:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's even more of a reason to demand to see life's manager!
slugsandpugs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:36:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sounds like it would hurt,
like a lot
flim
PM_ME_ALL_THE-THINGS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:17:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When life gives you mirrors just say fuck the mirrors and bail.
scratcher-cat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:16:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you've ruined your own life, drink glass. #lifehack
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:00:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
miralax?
FreakinKrazy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:44:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why can't life gimme some gators, eh?
rabidwhale ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:17:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When life gives you lemons, donโt make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I donโt want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see lifeโs manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? Iโm the man whoโs gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! Iโm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!โ
A_FVCKING_UNICORN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*mirrornades
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:29 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
By that logic should I be concerned about the origins of Gatorade?
filemeaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't breathe this!
rawrslcles ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:23:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If life gives you rivers, make river raid?
chilly-wonka ยท 144 points ยท Posted at 17:59:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For our first little Christmas together, my husband handed me a little wrapped box. "Before you open it," he said, "promise me you will wear what's inside." It was empty. There was a moment of confusion, followed by a realization coming from within. I was mentally and emotionally open to it and it was a great Christmas morning.
Wargazm ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 21:57:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, that's clever and all, but he totally stiffed you.
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 01:36:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
SadGhoster87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:25:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
they had SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
Wargazm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:30:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
giggity
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
VA-VA-VOOM!
climberslacker ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:12:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm lost.
Aayin ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 21:24:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He wanted her to wear "nothing". If she wears nothing, she is naked. If she is naked, he can easily make love to her.
Merry Christmas!
climberslacker ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 21:26:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel stupid, thanks.
Liagala ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:56:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's awesome. I like how your husband thinks!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:49:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Birthday Suit!
GrizzlyTrojanMagnum ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:11:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would have giving my SO huge points if they were silly and attempted to wear the box :D
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:21:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:39:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
SteveFoerster ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:58:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not like that has to be the only present you give her.
D45_B053 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:45:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's why the only logical move is for him to do it to OP.
calivino ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:55:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your prepared to release something to ruin your own life, so the reflection in the box is quite fitting
LeWigre ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:26:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, if you're going to explain it like that then honestly yours will be just as easily tossed away. "Oh, someone already took it. Oh well!". Also, there's plenty of people that would think the mirror would be very deep and not understand the empty box.
astroskag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd conclude it must've escaped.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:52:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In short, OP's way is Inception. The mirror is not.
booster522 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:27:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would just think that nothing can ruin my life. I'm indestructible.
electricdwarf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT IF, the bottom of the box, was a mirror? So they would have to throw away the whole box...
Bright_Crow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
INCEPTION!
H_is_for_Human ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I'd interpret this as "There's nothing that can fuck up your life."
Which, while pretty wrong, is also a pretty positive sentiment.
Liagala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Interpret how you like
H_is_for_Human ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I know it's wrong, but I'm sticking to my guns.
Buwaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would look at it and think... nothing can ruin my life.
ABC-F ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Im more likely to get that message from a mirror as it forces you to stare back at yourself.
kaptainkuftic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reply is so mindful is frightening
TheInternetHivemind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or I can decide it means that nothing will ruin my life, therefore my life will be awesome.
modernAgeTomorrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this guy is such a douchebag
Jargen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:30:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd prefer a golden scroll
JunkScientist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you open a box with a mirror inside, you'll most likely just see the ceiling.
JackAceHole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How Could It Be Real If My Eyes Aren't Real?
WhatWouldSatanDo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only with a razor blade and a wee bag of cocaine.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No mirrars!
Akaleth_Illuvatar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real?
DickEB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe with YOUR face!
OOOOOOOOoooooo
Arachnomancer ยท 347 points ยท Posted at 16:26:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, that would tell me that nothing could ruin my life and I'd be ok no matter what.
The acid sprayer to the face sounded promising though.
Liagala ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 16:28:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe that's what you're meant to think, so that your overconfidence will keep you from noticing warning signs until it's too late.
Sataris ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:08:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're good at this question
vatrat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:53:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hamartia. Rationalizations, misreading of warning signs, clouded vision; all signs that you're a Shakespearean tragic hero.
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In that case, the person who made the box is a mighty fine dick.
Jzkqm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, thanks!
liarandathief ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 16:10:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The call is coming from inside the house.
PonyToast ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 16:22:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then who was phone?
ronglangren ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:34:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A room full of people laughing at you. That is who.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:00:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What does refer to?
Smartstocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder this too... maybe a key to the end of world events? Since I first found that exact phrase at the 4/30/15 subreddit...
GangreneMeltedPeins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey its me your brother
Not_A_Throwaway999 ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 16:45:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/meirl
catOS57 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:48:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you have been banned from /r/me_irl
Anrikay ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:10:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/bannedfromme_irl
Dumblevort ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:55:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/TooMeIrlForMeIrl
SlendyD ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:29 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's two me_irl subs....
TerrorBite ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:08:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The moderators of /r/me_irl are not popular. Thus, the community created /r/meirl.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:37:40 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And by not popular, you mean absolute dog shit.
Savesomeposts ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/me_irl
armaguard ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:43:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
me too thanks
storunner13 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:56:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or perhaps you realize you already took out the contents years ago but can't remember.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:26:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or it's empty because you realize there's nothing that can ruin your life, because "ruined" is only an idea. After all, who can say that your life is ruined but you?
ahalprin122 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:06:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/threadkillers
khegiobridge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:35:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just before cancer took her, Mom gave me thick envelope, 'To be opened after I die'. Mom had a lot of secrets. Life with her was not always easy. Dad I never met, but I understood I had half siblings I'd never been allowed to meet. There was some trauma about my brother who died that I can hardly remember. And a stepdad who just left one day. I kept that envelope for years; it taunted me every time I open the drawer. I hated it. What things did she have to tell me at 35 years old that she couldn't say before? What had my aunts and uncles known that they never told me? If I read the letter, how would my opinions of the people closest to me change? I never read it. One day I burned it on my little hibachi grill in a sort of ceremony. So for me, the box was never opened.
Liagala ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a stronger person than I. That envelope would have lasted all of 10 minutes after I got home from the funeral.
khegiobridge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But imagination makes cowards of some of us.
flowstoneknight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:37:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box is empty. The box is not empty.
Liagala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now that's creepy
Seba553 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
3deep5me
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I ALWAYS KNEW AIR WOULD BE MY RUIN
spetoja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Box, coming summer 2016.
I-seddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say nothing, because no way in hell was I going to open it...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes or people will just think "someone else took the contents", or " they forgot to fill it".
Trofeetito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Fuck yeah, opening the box didn't affect me!" *pokรฉmon air fisting
NeverEnufWTF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
(dogvoice): Whooo's a happy existentialist? You are! Yoooou're a happy existentialist!
MantlesApproach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is no secret ingredient.
infinitefoamies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/t
RubberTrucky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice, I guess it would work better if the label was "Warning: Everything needed to ruin your life contained within."
Leaga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember the name but I watched a (very weird) movie once about a guy who was agoraphobic and was slipping more and more into his worst nightmare as someone was delivering a package to his door every day. He would open it and the package would be empty. Every day, empty box. It drove him nuts and he couldn't figure out who was dropping them off. You reminded me of that and now I wanna see it again and have no idea how to find it.
AnemoneOfMyEnemy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Partially relevant xkcd?
29103131r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well shit, that's depressing.
ZeMoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, woah, is it getting real in here or is it just me?
MrRoar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well done my friend, very well written. Hope you have a wonderful day, and a most loving year!
azbraumeister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would have also accepted "mirror" or "smart phone with camera app open set to front facing camera".
InappropriateTA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice, I think this post actually ruined some lives.
IEatMyEnemies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if it means that nothing can ruin my life?
MangledPumpkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I was going to spend some time trying to come up with something funny but I think that does a mighty fine job answering that question.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
very nice
๐๏ธ ihlaking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Nice work.
DarthWarder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Could always be cancer to top things off.
Titus_Maxum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too much for me
EchoPhi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn you! First thing that popped into my head. Well done.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Needing something to blame will ruin your life because then you never work on yourself.
I think the box probably has anthrax in it though... I can still blame myself for being the dope who opened it.
hberries ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i was going to say ebola. but this. this is much better. i am shamed.
TheRealChrisWallace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I read the last part in Mr. Rogers' voice.
fattiefalldown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That one was a kick to the nuts
akhier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That or you just released my doomsday virus.
FlyJaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoah brah.
Dr_Ben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dayyum. This wasn't directed at any in particular and I still feel disappointed in myself
PenguinTod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively, my life is great and there's nothing that could ruin it.
Xboxben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if the paranoia is what gets you ? You freak out over it and whats going to happen to you . Over time you distance your self from your friends and family desperately waiting for whats going to ruin your life . After a year or so you look back in what happened you realize you have no friends your distant from your family only to notice one sole idea has destroyed you
Aliencj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was especially clever because it can apply to anyone
DrunkenRube ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does this mean that every point of your continued consciousness will be more significant in some value than starring at an open empty box?
NiNJA_Drummer96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
relevant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eLDgZ013sI
TheMadmanAndre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...you fucking win the thread.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Dragon Scroll ?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Came here to say this. I already fucked up my life for good.
mustard_bumhole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love this. It really made me smile
argleblather ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The power... is YOURS!
Nubcake_Jake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The further I go in life the more I find that the biggest thing standing in my way is me.
Dubbx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kung fu panda just got a lot more depressing.
mcraayraay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
e d g y
squidgun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah.that is so true. For me at least๐ข
Theres_A_FAP_4_That ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine would be the list of shitty decisions I've made.. so yeah, same thing really.
boxofstuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:16 on February 10, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hater
bookphoenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:41 on February 14, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On the optimistic note, nothing you do can ruin your life at all! Everything you've done is completely right! Then you look at your life and think: This is the best I could possibly do?
Haikus4You ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now your life is shit.
But at least you have a box
To put sweet shit in.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:10:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brb, killing self.
Jzkqm ยท 2178 points ยท Posted at 14:19:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Acid sprayer to the face!
AbysmalWhip ยท 1367 points ยท Posted at 15:47:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The inscription said the contents will ruin your life, not make you better looking.
Jzkqm ยท 940 points ยท Posted at 16:46:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why ya gotta come at me like that?
cl301 ยท 231 points ยท Posted at 18:39:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get this man to a burn ward!!!
I_AYY_TO_LMAO ยท 166 points ยท Posted at 18:51:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Acid burn ward, it appears.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 19:10:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
burns intensifies
Smartstocks ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:01:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Scream intensifies
yadhtrib ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:14:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Intensifying
Evil_Aurora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SMITHERS!
tamadekami ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:22:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always preferred the Crash Override ward.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see you got the joke, well done
noanusbutts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:04:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, we should probably let the acid do it's thing for a while longer.
HughManatee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:48:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aloe...it's me.
kukaz00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rekt
I_AYY_TO_LMAO ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 18:51:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello? Police? I just witnessed a fucking murder.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:11:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rekt
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:22:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could say he got ...burned...
BigDKane ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:26:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THAT PERSON HAS A FAMILY!
canuckfanatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then he gets a job as a model, succumbs to a vain, materialistic lifestyle. He gradually comes to realize that none of his friends are genuine and that he can't trust that any of the people around him truly cares about him or his money. A void in his heart grows larger and larger until he takes his own life, the ultimate ruination.
OkArmordillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/u/Jzkqm just got burned in two different ways.
CapJakeSparrow ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:17:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rekt
greenpeach1 ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 16:01:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What kind of acid are we talking here? Like hcl? Or like lsd?
Jzkqm ยท 126 points ยท Posted at 16:45:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking HCl, but I suppose enough LSD could ruin your life too.
thatwasnotkawaii ยท 208 points ยท Posted at 21:37:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
opens box
BOX: "You fool! You've opened the box!"
OP: "So what are you going to do?"
BOX: "Can you say ahh?"
OP: "AHHHHHHHH."
Box places 90 strips of LCD on mouth
ActualyIzDolan ยท 132 points ยท Posted at 23:19:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NICE. probably more likely to kill you too (if powered, that is)
anthonyjr2 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:29:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
90 LCD strips sound expensive. Also what about the battery??
thatwasnotkawaii ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:15:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't even get me started on the battery
LoLurgey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
90 LSD strips wouldn't be exactly cheap either.
UsernameLikeAMofo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:12:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
90 strips of LCD? Is that Liquid Crystal Display, like an old flat screen tv? I guess that would fuck you up.
kyouteki ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:13:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Almost all flat panels are still LCDs.
UsernameLikeAMofo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:28:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...backlit by LED instead of projected light. I know. Thanks. I simply implied that most "older" model flat panel tv's were exclusively advertised as LCD. Please, don't steal my thunder here.
gumbiskhan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:31:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LSD can be absorbed through any skin contact, especially in liquid form (the form it is in prior to being blotted onto paper) so actually a spray of pure liquid LSD would royally fuck you up. The more you know (about drugs)!
victoriasbitter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:45:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a festival and my friend's friend was high as fuck and giving out free drops of liquid LSD. Me being a dumbass jumped at the opportunity. He tells me to open my mouth, and instead of one drop, he accidently squirts three or four on my tongue. That was a fun and scary night. Couldn't imagine what a spray would do, but I'd say you'd have a few mental problems.
EntropyNZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:32:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not going to be a pleasant experience, but it almost certainly won't kill you either. It's near impossible to lethally overdose on LSD. There's a famous case study (here) of a group of 8 people who did lines of pure, crystal LSD, thinking that it was cocaine. Really interesting read.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure pure LSD is a crystal. But yeah, you're right. Get that shit in your eyes and it's just as potent as drinking it.
PapasGotABrandNewNag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You just took the most acid I've ever seen anybody take in my life".
sonic_the_groundhog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whats uhh.. lcd?
jeessiiccaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't threaten me with a good time.
TQQ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:22:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If the box is talking to you already then it was probably covered in LSD before you opened it
TTLeave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP: And thats how I became...
Drumroll, tears off shirt revealing super hero outfit
OP: Disco Mouth-Man
sega31098 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What pH?
mermaidleesi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:55:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Salicylic
greenpeach1 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:56:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
frankly i think that may actually help clear your skin.
rob_matt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:43:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fluoroantimonic.
ActivisionBlizzard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mix
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HF. Slow and painful does it.
liljakeyplzandthnx ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 14:32:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Well, guess /r/RoastMe is having a field day..."
nate800 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:21:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was on /r/ToastMe but thought I was on /r/RoastMe and told a girl she looked she struggled with basic math.
Smartstocks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:04:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The most surprising thing is when it ended up being the top comment of the thread... at least in one timeline...
nate800 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:40:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha yeah it did!
greengrasser11 ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 17:08:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'm an easy going guy, but I have no problems with a swift death penalty for any guy that is proven without a shadow of a doubt to have done an acid attack to a person. Those people are the lowest of the low.
MRukov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sal Maroni?
Camoral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, the death penalty is completely ineffective in every way possible. The only reasonable defense of it is to say the purpose of the justice system is for vengeance in any form up to and including vengeance killings.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A torture sentence for life works fine for me.
kotkaiser ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:16:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, look at Mr Prettyboi over here.
SosX ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:48:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first thought..
kingeryck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:15:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
NOTbelligerENT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol this is a good contrast to the top comment
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:06:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me that could be an improvement!
:(
steriotypical_swede ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
READY THE ACID MAGNET!
Plz_Dont_Gild_Me ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:43:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sh-sh-sha!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:00:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dale?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dale? Who's Dale? The only man I know who says that is one "Rusty Shackleford."
sonic_the_groundhog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this box large enough to fit an entire brown person?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... After all this time one would expect that you got used to your girlfriend squirting on your face.
Jzkqm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Being able to spray corrosive acid from down there would be quite the super power.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you survived for this long. You are quite a superhero.
DarkPhenomenon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
came here to say this!
[deleted] ยท 1421 points ยท Posted at 14:33:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Adoption papers revealing my fiance and I are brother and sister.
MaybeImJustTired ยท 378 points ยท Posted at 15:22:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It could be worse...
Toogoodtotroll ยท 351 points ยท Posted at 15:27:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like your wife is also your mother?
MaybeImJustTired ยท 565 points ยท Posted at 15:39:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And your dentist
[deleted] ยท 214 points ยท Posted at 17:08:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't want to sound racist, but I fucking hate dentists.
jimmydapags ยท 112 points ยท Posted at 21:57:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty soon you'll be saying they should have their own schools
skthlul ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:04:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anti-dentite!
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:05:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They do have their own schools!
moremysterious ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:10:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a rabid anti-dentite!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:51:29 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The joke is the double meaning for 'have their own schools':
meaning 1: racism. Schools used to be segregated.
meaning 2: medicine. Dentistry has dental schools.
brought to you by ExplainTheJokePerson, proving bots can't take over everything
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bots disagree with this. Source: am bot. feed me paper.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They do have their own schools
Weep2D2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only 1/5 of them.
Those are the non-agreeing bastards.
[deleted] ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 19:51:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anti-dentite!
SereneLloydBraun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those aren't matzo balls!
SeaBearPA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
not to mention the blacks and the jews.
rrollie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Al dente!
IntrinSicks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:41:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
anti-dentite!!
hendrix67 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:30:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you an anti-dentite?
dantheman321456987 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:32:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anti-Dentite!
ThatBriandude ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dont want to sound stupid or something, no pun intended.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:37:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seinfeld reference
MutantTomParis ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:04:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HE'S AN ANTI-DENTITE!
SereneLloydBraun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You need a schtickle of fluoride.
F_Klyka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
GO BACK TO DENTISTRY CLASS!
krath8412 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Next thing you're going to tell me is that they should have their own schools.
skaol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And i hate fucking dentists
Mranze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down the racism man
Snarfler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woah chill out hitler.
Kongo204 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
God forbid
patentspatented ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god no, I've seen her flossing her own teeth and it's a bloodbath! SHE'LL TEAR ME APART!!
SirBain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is your dentist named crintist
poobicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no but he is named crentist
poobicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:O
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 16:27:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
ALittleNightMusing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:06:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't heard that one in many a year
V-Bomber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doodoo doodoo clap clap
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:18:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok Oedipus
jaml86 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:39:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Terrible dating site.
wolfkeeper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:31:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... and 26 weeks pregnant with your baby; pregnancy and genetic tests are included in the box.
Karathen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:09:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And you're your own grandpa?
The_Thylacine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:31:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gouges out eyes
vizzmay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More like both of them are the same intersexed person.
Naturage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your wife is also your brother... or was, at least.
Meadyos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably gouge my eyes out if that happened
Mr_Derisive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And you realize that the man who attacked you on the road who you killed is your dad, so you gauge your eyes out and run away. I hate it when that happens!
sup3rmark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
adoption papers revealing they and their fiance are brother and brother.
BlondeFlip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:09:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
He could just break his arms
ThatBriandude ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:09:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
brother and brother?
[deleted] ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 15:30:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...police case files. His father had raped her mother. (Ball is in your court now. Make it worse)
abigscaryhobo ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 19:12:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stockholm syndrome makes her come back to him and theyve been having an affair the whole time. They both slowly groomed you both to fall in love and they intend to use you to restart the aryan race. Surprise, youre a nazi incest baby.
Next.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:24:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ends up that the wife was also in on the plan, and surprise she has an Electra complex, making her only orgasm when she's thinking of daddy.
D45_B053 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:51:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
(You didn't say "next" but I'm still going to run with it.)
Your shared father was so determined to restart the Aryan race that he had surgery to look like Hitler.
Next.
LordEdapurg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:23:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately, the surgery went wrong and now he's horrendously disfigured. His upper lip is completely gone, exposing the skull underneath, and the rest of his face is covered in horrendous scars, with a few patches which are skinless altogether. Only his scalp remains undamaged, but in his age his hair has become thin, wispy. In your youth, he would often force you to stick your fingers in the festering moist wounds when you misbehaved. He's planning on having you undergo the same operation very soon, whether you want to or not.
Next.
sirtjapkes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:12:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't fun anymore. D:
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:16:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She was underaged. That might help.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:18:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She was a deranged underage.
tralpaz1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's a migrant
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:00:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He bullied Donald Trump as child. Donald trump becomes president.
MaybeImJustTired ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:37:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Her mother was also a panda.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:12:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
His father was an invalid puppy.
Zentopian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:00:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just spent the last five minutes crying of laughter, trying to figure out what an invalid puppy is. Is it a kitten that looks like a pug?
fragilestories ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:38:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're going to make it, l'il brudder! You just keep scraping along!
dalr3th1n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Said parents were also twins!
Specifically, Hitler's twin children.
Kirssar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...because he confused her with his own mother. (Make it even worse)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dead mother.
tapperyaus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I might be a serial killer?
linguotgr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brother and brother?
marino1310 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, his dad could be a sith lord.
chiliedogg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In Comic Sans
tbast ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 19:08:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno. Just don't have kids. The weird part of incest is the growing up together. Objectively I know my sister is pretty hot, but I'm not attracted to her at all. If I found out my wife was biologically my sister, I just wouldn't tell anyone and get a vasectomy. I'm too in love with her to just dump her because of a formality.
TrueDivision ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This makes sense, we're all related at some point anyway and it's not like anyone will know unless you tell them
PM_UR_PEGGING_PICS ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 16:24:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Burn the papers, leave youself a note to get yourself sterilized, then get blackout drunk. Problem solved.
Zentopian ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 19:04:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Getting blackout drunk only stops you from remembering everything that happened while you were blackout drunk. Anything prior to being blackout drunk remains in tact.
Fun fact: when you're blackout drunk, you don't forget anything. You're just so drunk that your brain stops recording memories entirely.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:00:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think after receiving such news one of my first courses of action would be to get blackout drunk, whether it helped or not
PM_UR_PEGGING_PICS ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:47:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're probably right. Getting a concussion would be more effective.
InteriorEmotion ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:03:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You need a forget me now
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, as an analrapist, I would advise against it. However, might I recommend teamocil?
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
finite_turtles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:26:29 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The solution is to get blackout drunk and then open the box. Then let drunk you decide if he should leave the note to read later or destroy it and keep drinking
Zentopian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually genius.
Antal_Marius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brain recorded partially one of my black outs, the others are not recorded, probably for the best. I am glad of the partial record, I had a fun time with my ex (was my girlfriend at the time)
Im-Mr-Bulldops ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:36:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are called brown outs.
Motobicycling ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:45:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Always sunny?
ThellraAK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:04 on February 28, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ECT can knock out several years of memories!
[deleted] ยท 115 points ยท Posted at 19:03:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess if you actually get sterilized based on a note you wrote while blackout drunk, it was probably best for everyone that you did, regardless of whether the box was right or not.
NedryOS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:58:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well he wrote it before getting blackout drunk, so....
PM_UR_PEGGING_PICS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fair.
Koboldsftw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like Oldboy
cespes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do blackouts retroactively erase memories? Like if you went from sober to drunk quick enough, could you intentionally forget something?
Jerl ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 17:05:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin your life? That only makes things better!
Galobtter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:54:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/wincest is that side.
arrogant_ambassador ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:36:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you seen a certain Korean movie, revealing the title of which would spoil it immediately?
Kalean ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:23:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is what I came here to ask, but then I realized you were right. Rats.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Young man?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, I have. That's going to one hell of a lot of trouble to wreck some guy's life.
arrogant_ambassador ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes it is, but when money is no object and you've been mentally disfigured by that person's actions, who's to say what you'll do.
DestroyerTerraria ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"God dammit, Obi-Wan, you could've told me we were related BEFORE I fucked her!"
AGlass94 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:24:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
come on down to Alabama where its okay that your niece is your daughter!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not from the United States. I've heard this many times but was never quite sure if it was a joke or actually the case?
LegosasXI ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:32:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, its a joke. We keep all the incestuous ones in Mississippi.
supercrusher9000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or worse, Birth Certificates
Etzlo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As long as you don't get kids
Ashe400 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was an irrational fear of mine growing up that I'd somehow meet a sister without knowing it.
Soupchild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, just adopt.
UnfinishedProjects ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Noice.
lhamil64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, at least she's adopted so there won't be any 11 toed kids.
senor_black ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/wincest
Imperium_Dragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let me guess, your name is Jamie.
stealthserpent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, from what I've read on reddit in the past (so it's incredibly accurate) is that birth defects don't happen until you're a few generations into the same bloodline. Meaning that if your kids had kids with each other and then your grandchildren had kids together then you might start seeing the affects.
Keep in mind though, this is coming from a guy who read something like that once on here a long time ago. So you can take my word for it. Trust me. ;-) And if I'm wrong: you can post the wrong thing on the internet and someone will come along and correct you. So you can believe this until... 3... 2... 1...
Dark512 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least it wasn't an old green guy trying to ambiguously hint it to you.
Slizzard_73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So no kids, I don't really care if I didn't grow up with them. For me that's what would make it weird.
hoobidabwah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Omg my husband and I both did DNA testing a couple years ago and I was so scared (because I don't know my father) that it would show we were related. I mean I could deal with being distant cousins but not close ones. It was was a big relief when we weren't!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Roll tide!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your father is your brother
Your sister is your mother
They love to touch each other
The incest family!
Meddl3cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus! waitaminute
mankiller27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/incest disagrees
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honest question: what would you do? Would you still marry her? Do you think she'd still marry you?
ender89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing that an open minded family couldn't work around
birchwood829 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thatsmyfetish.gif
Rixxer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At this point, why would it matter? You obviously don't think of each other that way. Havin kids tho... bit of a genetic gamble there m8
Stacia_Asuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Adoption as in "parents adopted fiancee" or "fiancee is biological sibling"? It's safe as long as it's cousins for at most 1-2 generations, and perfectly fine with a completely unrelated biologically sibling.
Of course, assuming you're living in a Western country (not called America, specifically Texas) it might be... extremely awkward.
ArsenoPyrite ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:56:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Should you go ahead and propose
and get hitched and have kids with eleven toes
and move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
[deleted] ยท 3775 points ยท Posted at 14:26:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The embarrassing snapshot of Spongebob at the Christmas party
ARTexplains ยท 431 points ยท Posted at 15:30:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does that make me Squidward's house?
nythnggs4590 ยท 247 points ยท Posted at 16:27:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Not even SQUIDWARD'S HOUSE"
Killa-Byte ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:04:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which must be sacrificed to the volcano to save the ocean!
Seba553 ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 15:55:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No.
Im_a_god_damn_otter ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:37:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is Patrick
pm_me_your_clams ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:23:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So you're not an otter?
Im_a_god_damn_otter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god that username. I think we're soul mates.
spoon_17 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:56:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now kiss!
pm_me_your_clams ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐
jtl357 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RECTANGLES!!
i_am_average_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh.
Guyfive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Left Brain?
kamicozzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You wish
pm--me--your--tits-- ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:35:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/Ot7RN4V the Christmas party short was actually aired on Nickelodeon a while before the Secret Box episode
HoodedStranger90 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:18:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made me giggle more than it should have.
Seriioum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:10:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey! Go back to r/osugame!
SodaCanSuperman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's just a string dude.
Imperium_Dragon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:18:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, what was it?
Louis83 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please post it.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:06:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really wanted to see that picture. I imagine it was a photo of him wasted as fuck doing something raunchy like crying in the shower or eating Sandy out.
neilarmsloth ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:25:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think sandy can be out of her space suit
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:28:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
neilarmsloth ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:36:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean it's a water suit but its also a space suit
mrjackspade ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:10:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
They showed it the first airing. He has a glass of scotch and a lamp share on his head. He's clearly drunk, and dancing in front of some of the other characters.
Edit:
Looked almost exactly like the center picture here, but this is fan made
http://emeraldninja.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/embarrassing-picture-of-spongebob-at-the-christmas-party-7glsygun.jpg
They may have tried showing other pics in later episodes, but the ORIGINAL airing was essentially this photo
forgotmyoldpassword2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's been shown before. I think it's him kissing Gary
MyLettuce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had an image of it in my mind. But I don't know if they ever actually showed it.
darthjoey91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's linked up the page a bit. Remember the first SpongeBob Christmas special? It's the picture that Squidward took when Santa didn't come.
Flohhupper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rule34 my friend
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:44:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is it http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/spongebob/images/6/61/Sb_xmasparty.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130420022943
coleosis1414 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaw, ya beat me.
Baxter4343 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn you said it first! Kudos mate
LORD_SL0TH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First comment of the year to make me laugh
bmanbahal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Looking back, that episode is actually hilarious
TwiztedImage ยท 390 points ยท Posted at 15:48:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lifetime subscription to World of Warcraft.
Kirssar ยท 181 points ยท Posted at 20:52:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP said "ruin your life", not "take it away from you"
[deleted] ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 18:19:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, I'd just sell it.
MAK911 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:53:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can certainly try, but the people who want that already have it for the price of their souls.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:26:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who's to say that they don't want to sell their soul for less? No more payments would get them in way deeper.
the_noodle ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:29:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you're not paying for it, there's no sneaking obligation to play "to get your money's worth"
Ironwarsmith ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:04:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not EvE. Literally life ruining.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:38:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eve ruins lives.
Ironwarsmith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:23:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is a manner in which I would be perfectly fine with which to ruin my life.
TwiztedImage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Valid point there. Lol
lapotatoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:32:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOO!
Iwasseriousface ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, Satan, thanks for that valuable contribution.
Stacia_Asuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get banned if I'm bored.
Oh I can't be banned? Go ahead and pop a few gold-farming bots onto it and leave.
chiliedogg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you're not paying you're not obligated to play.
TwiztedImage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To some, that's all it is, but to some of the really hardcore people; payment isn't the issue that makes them feel obligated.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the fee is my perfect excuse to play.
A_Wild_Alex_Appears ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do you kill that which has no life
deityblade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd lose your current life but you'd GAIN a pretty dope one if you ask me
FresherUnderPressure ยท 1711 points ยท Posted at 14:31:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. Why would anyone willingly open up the box?
PrincessStupid ยท 860 points ยท Posted at 15:07:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, fuck that. I'm not opening a box to see something that'll ruin my life. I can ruin my own life without some box's help.
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 1484 points ยท Posted at 17:02:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You won't open the box, but you'll never be able to throw it away. You'll find it in random places wherever you move to.
One day, when you're old and very tired from living a life in poverty, you'll finally open the box. "I'm almost dead anyway how much worse could this box make my life?"
You slowly open it and start weeping when you see its contents:
$100,000,000 USD
Your heart is filled with terrible regret and you think of all the times you needed money and could have had it. Your heart is racing too fast and suddenly seizes. You die screaming in your studio apartment knowing only regret, loneliness, and pain.
NoHomosapian ยท 678 points ยท Posted at 17:43:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So the box itself ruined your life
BrainWav ยท 166 points ยท Posted at 17:55:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hyperbox
ngstyle ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:02:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hypercube!
๐๏ธ ihlaking ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:20:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boxception!
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:13:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Opening the box did.
[deleted] ยท 164 points ยท Posted at 17:41:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay satan
Evil_Aurora ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:43:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can we tone it down a bit sweety
[deleted] ยท 211 points ยท Posted at 17:40:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Directed by M. Night Shamalaheeghgigyen
liam06xy ยท 167 points ยท Posted at 20:34:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
box explodes
co-directed by micheal bay
๐๏ธ ihlaking ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:22:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up sweating; you created the whole thing in your mind because you manage a box factory
Also co-directed by Christopher Nolan
liam06xy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:27:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
turns out you were in a computer all along
co-co-directed bye Andy Wachowski and Lana Wachowski
conquer69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:21:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn I thought they were called "Wachowski brothers" because it was 2 brothers, not 1 brother and 1 sister.
Annihilinth ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:32:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If i'm not mistaken, and i cba to google this but i think they were both guys, but one changed sex.
liam06xy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lana is transgender
Imperium_Dragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Then you're eaten by horrible looking CGI space monsteers
Written by George Lucas.
winnershnitzel ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:54:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Nigger," said the box.
squadala_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[shot with vaguely Instagram- like filter] Co-co directed by Wes Anderson
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, I just laughed aloud in a public bathroom
Weep2D2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Coming Soon
Boxanne
Starring Tyler Perry.
TheOutrageousTaric ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:49:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually that could be a cool movie
man-of-God-1023 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:48:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shammalammadingdong
jhereg10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Giggidy.
bigmeaniehead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shamalamadingdong
Dudeguy2121ICW ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:34:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
honestly at least it wasnt acid spraying dead mirror baby
sgol ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:41:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...which is the name of my Rammstein cover band.
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a pretty tame name for a Rammstein cover band.
sgol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:30:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, it's a capella.
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay a shameful amount of money to see someone legit attempt that.
Wombaticus_Maximus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/nocontext
PrincessStupid ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:58:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. I'd trust that the money would have made my life worse. Plus that's a mighty fine inheritance for my next of kin. Or charity.
rglitched ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:41:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Magic box. If you'd needed the money something else would've been there when you opened the box.
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have no next of kin because you were too bitter from being poor. Since you have no one in your life you didn't bother writing a will and all that money goes to the federal government. Then they will use that money to open up Guantanamo 2.0
PrincessStupid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:19:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, don't set up assumptions about my character!
NocturnalToxin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:03:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is like high school Improv class all over again
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey you don't know that years of living of the streets won't make you bitter. All because you didn't open the darn box.
rileyrulesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"People who get windfalls have terrible lives" is just something poor people tell themselves to try to feel better.
DoctorOctagonapus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:53:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But there could be anything in the box until the moment it's opened! That's some Schrodinger level shit right there.
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it was opened earlier it would have been in the form of a check that expired yesterday.
Ben716 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:45:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jeepers calm down there Steven King, nearly gave me a heart attaargh.
_ni_modo_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brutal
Fuzzwy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first part sounded like the pineapple anecdote.
SquaredUp2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:23:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
This reads like something out of a Stephen King story...
jcklpsn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh damn, this is a cool twist to the prompt. Now I'm definitely opening the box.
elyndar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Considering that most lottery winners are broke again soon after they win and have their lives colored by the money they once had, I'd say not opening it is still a good option.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:59:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a big box
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a check that expired yesterday
doreato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:51:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the worst part is knowing money would ruin my life only to realise almost everything I've put myself through was in order to gather it anyways.
Louis83 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would make an awesome short film.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And if you opened it the IRS would jail you for fraud. Gj.
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An IRS agent would immediately knock down your bedroom door and begin an audit.
messengerofthesea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:31:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just a small loan
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Life is hard
Qwertycrackers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:53:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But at that point, U.S. Currency has deflated to the point that the money is totally useless.
marcus_colin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You mean inflated.
BULL3TP4RK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A box that has $100,000,000 of $100 bills would weigh about 2200 lb. That's a heavy ass box.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well you'd definitely realize that it was one of those trick boxes that just always automatically contains the worst possible thing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:09:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You!
b00st3d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's a big box
Koopa_Troop ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:54:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, it was on one of those VISA prepaid cards.
Bitcoon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:43:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer to look at the silver lining: Instead of being so upset at realizing you could have been living a life of luxury, you can use this as an opportunity. Get those medical issues you've been living with fixed up to extend your life a bit more. Invest and save most of the money however you can, and be sure to include in your will who it will go to when you die. And if you have time before you do kick the bucket, take that chance to see the world and do the things you never had the money to do. Live the best years of your life right up to the end. Cap off your existence in this world by making a huge difference to the people you care about (or organizations! Maybe you make a huge donation or two) and just have the best time of your life.
Honestly, that's less of a silver lining and more of a wonderful event clouded by regret.
mikealwy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:05:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One day you will
MVP_Redditor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She probably already is.
mikealwy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, probably...
Grasshopper42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hear ya Bender.
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't know it'll ruin your life when you receive it. You'd probably just think it's a prank.
mikealwy ยท 134 points ยท Posted at 14:44:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pandora opened up her box
Luimnigh ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 15:25:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bow chicka wow wow.
waghwagh6 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:50:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey chicka bum bum
BrowncoatOfArms ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:43:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Caboose! What did I tell you about using that!?"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:20:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jay chicka bump bump nerf frack back back
fred1840 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bloop chika beep boop
its_jazz_me ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 15:03:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The more you say don't open the box, the more people get curious about what's in the box.
Zilog8 ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 15:08:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And that's what xray machines are for :-p
chateau86 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 15:40:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NDT: It can save your life.
Amateur_bandit_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:29:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We had to do an experiment in chemistry like this. We ended up just getting frustrated and opening the damn box.
vizzmay ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:14:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: X-ray causes the stuff inside to explode.
lildutchboy7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This was a field I was thinking of entering!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:32:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's probably just your wife's severed head anyway
Pondglow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT'S IN THE BOX!?
professorhazard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was a jar.
Usurem8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:00:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
About that, why did Pandora open the box? Pure curiosity? Some snake tempted her?
ElTacoLord ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:21:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was curiousity, she was told not to but did do anyway.
loverofreeses ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 16:43:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What a stupid bitch.
galmleader32 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:12:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If everyone just did what they're told, humans would never have received fire from Prometheus.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:31:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe our lives would have been awesome and Zeus was trying to protect us.
ClassySavage ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:38:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Zeus used mortals as pawns and sex slaves. It's pretty safe to say he didn't have our best interest at heart.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:54:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he's just misunderstood. Couldn't catch a break with Hera, all his children disobeying him, drama with his brothers, the whole daddy issues thing with Chronos. I mean, shit... couldn't have been easy.
ClassySavage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not saying Zeus is inherently evil or anything. I'd say self absorbed or barely competent at worst. Now Dionysus, there's a god worth following.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Personally, I am all about Athena. Smart, sexy, and strong? Total package.
Phantom2300 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mostly because he is the god of booze. We can all get behind the god of booze.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The sex was probably pretty good though.
akaioi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:19:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. Her name means "All Gifts". Of course she's going to open the box. It looks like a gift!
hugglesthemerciless ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:49:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's for the 2 boss room items on the womb
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is the Eve story just slightly altered. She was supposed to be the first woman on earth.
RetroHacker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, and look what happened to her - she gets bombarded with ads and keeps getting asked if she's still listening.
idislikeapple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And now look, she's pregnant by 4 different guys
Wheatiez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly we all want a go at Pandora and her box
StuckAtWork123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope, I can get in her box
TrooperDave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry to be that guy but it was actually a jar.
Just kidding...I love being that guy
olenavy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pandora opened up her box
and the vilest curse that we have in the world today is hope things can be better.
judgej2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I used to know a girl called Pandora. Never saw her box though.
gaz8d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the monkey doesn't go back into the bottle
holymacaronibatman ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 15:17:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, if someone handed me a box with that description, I'd just give it back. Thanks but I'm good, you keep it.
RequiemStorm ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 17:07:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, you would need to keep it and never open it. How could you trust someone else with a box that can ruin your life?
Iwasseriousface ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that what you do when you get married? "Here, you and I can be together forever, or until you get sick enough of my bullshit that you destroy my life."
Edit: Did not see comment below first, I was not thinking that kind of box.
Cyber_Toon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if it ruins the life of whomever opens it?
OCeDian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean it's subjective so it'll ruin their life
meowkittygorawr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a marriage joke hidden in there.
SoySauceSyringe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then the guy you handed it back from shrugs, opens it, pulls out a gun, and shoots you.
Without knowing what's in the box you can't be sure that not opening it isn't the thing that will ruin your life.
goawaysab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:41 on February 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would open it right away. Who would actually believe it anyway?
mrstickman ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 16:20:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I (like to think I) wouldn't open it either.
Which makes me guess that the box contains something radioactive that'll give me cancer whether or not I open it.
PM_UR_PEGGING_PICS ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 16:26:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If life gives you a plain wooden box that threatens to ruin your life, you make life take that box back!
PM_UR_PEGGING_PICS ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 16:28:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In fact, set that box on fire and throw it into life's house. Burn that shit to the ground.
atlastrabeler ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:25:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a baby inside. Now how do you feel?
ฯ(๏ฝโยด)ฯ
robinthehood ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:21:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hail Satan!
bratimm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:24:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make life regret the day it thought it could give ME a wooden box!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:53:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a pretty harsh reaction to lemons.
Wait, where were we?
scoutmorgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What am I meant to do with a box?
I_AYY_TO_LMAO ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:52:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make boxade.
vamaar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get mad! I don't want your damn box, what am I supposed to do with this?
Bhizzle64 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:23:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well it says the contents WILL ruin your life. Not the contents will ruin your life if you open it. You might want to open it so you can be prepared for when it does happen.
hattorisolo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:09:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because I'm not a superstitious idiot. I would just try to be smart about how I opened it so I wouldn't get hurt.
KamiKagutsuchi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:43:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
KronktheKronk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:54:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Curiosity/skepticism.
Rules_are_for_fools ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would think the box was a novelty item or some sort of gag. The curiosity of what's in the box is more than a realistic expectation of something that could seriously ruin my life.
boblo1121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pandoras box, bitch. Curiosity will get the best of everyone
ABCosmos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because you don't believe in magic, or whatever power anything in that box could possibly have
gcta333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The same reason we click on links knowing full well that it's a spoiler
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because nothing said the contents wouldn't ruin your life if it was left closed.
All you know, if you believe the sign, is that your life is going to be ruined by the contents.
Better to know, and have a chance to mitigate the problem.
TemptedTemplar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The postman gets mad if I don't open and empty the box at least once a week.
mightymouse513 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it had your full name on it and was sitting on your front porch, would you open it then?
Edit: I thought you meant open a box in general. If you meant why would anyone willingly open a box they knew would ruin their life, then I have nothing. But, if you didn't know the contents of the box were meant to ruin your life and it was just a box addressed to you on your doorstep, then would you open it?
brickmack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Give it to someone else, have them open it for you
F_Klyka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe because they don't believe in outlandish claims written on boxes.
DetestPeople ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For the same reason that people will press a red button that says "do not press".
ILikeLeadPaint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because my wife is nagging me to let her out.
Adeptwerdna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't say it won't ruin it if it stays in the box. If you open it you might have a chance to fix it.
mullak33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would open it, because chances are its something very present already that I haven't realised is ruining my life, at least then I know...
It's like getting the answers you need, because I believe nothing is permanent, everything can be changed or fixed, it just depends on how hard you try or how much effort you are willing to put in.
You can change or fix anything in your life that you don't like...
GoldXP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Curiosity would be tempting.
nooneiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Schroedinger's cat, my friend.
alreadytaken- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Curiosity
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was hoping for drugs
sinningsaint93 ยท 588 points ยท Posted at 14:39:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin. Lots of heroin.
fuckingfucker ยท 190 points ยท Posted at 15:14:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Amphetamines, fresh picks and contact details for a girl I used to know.
Chuckhemmingway ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 17:23:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like guitar picks that were newly made?
hydrogenousmisuse ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:17:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine IV needles
nanoson ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:06:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
|---[:::::]--
He meant as in a syringe.
MachineFknHead ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:02:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy and I used to call needles "picks" because we both played guitar and everyone loses guitar picks, so asking if he had a pick was something we could do around other people. Talking in "code" only works if you have a very believable reason to be talking about what you say you're talking about. I thought we made this up on our own though, because I've never heard it before or since.
fuckingfucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah... yeah, let's go with that.
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably clean rigs, though I've never heard them referred to as picks.
Sinjun13 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:37:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure, based on context, that he meant "pics".
fuckingfucker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:29:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At the time I didn't give much thought to the etymology and we never wrote anything down - so I've got no reason to not believe you. We used various names for them but that was the most common. Unless we were going to the needle exchange to get a fresh kit, which we'd then refer to as 'smack packs' - because smack was slang for H (which wasn't my thing, but it was common enough) and a popular kid's lunch treat at the time was called 'snack pack'.
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know, that never occurred to me for some reason but you're probably right.
Pachinginator ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:25:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
whenever I see "used to know" I'm required to respond with:
She didn't have to CUT ME OFF
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:25:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose that reference can somehow be kludged into this insightful discussion about drugs.
fuckingfucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Worse - I actually cut her off. Even worse - I was a jerk, and I was wrong, but it's worked out better that way for both of us.
PM_ME_YOUR_TATTOO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the frontman of Third Eye Blind!
fuckingfucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It took me many years before I realised what that one song they had was actually about - I didn't like it so I never really listened to it- and how much truth there was to it.
PM_ME_YOUR_TATTOO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He actually references his upper habit a few times. But, yeah. I always love busting out that info on people. Everyone is always surprised hahah.
Mixbulk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Takes me back...
azurannae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Krokodil will also do the job pretty well.
Deviant_Oil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't upvote this enough
piyoucaneat ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:10:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In a spring loaded needle that shoots out and injects you.
hornswogglerator ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:24:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i've never done it, but i know with confidence that if i wanted a one way ticket to the end of the line, all i would have to do is try it once.
ArsenoPyrite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Phenazepam would be a better choice. Small dose and you get a tranquilizing effect. Slightly higher dose and you black out for a week and wake up with your life ruined, having acted like a maniac for the preceeding days. It is everything D.A.R.E. tried to say drugs were.
Yukfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you done it?
ArsenoPyrite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. This is definitely one of those mistakes you let others make and learn from.
Ibar-Twigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are hundreds of drugs that do that, it's awful when you are using them for medical purposes, forget about it and start drinking recreationally. There are places and people I am too afraid to interact with due to the fact I was in that state at the time, I cringe thinking about it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vicodin and adderall.
-negative_creep- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds about right
Jilebinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice one, Paul
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Came here to say this
sinf_wacht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only if it were a finite supply.
Kinda1OfAKind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, one could always sell it all and done with it. But... what fun would that be? You should at least try it... right? I mean, there's so much, you will never see heroin again...right? Right?
Fast forward 3 months. I wish I never opened that mother fucking box...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a recovering addict, just a weeks worth of heroin would ruin my life (again).
Yukfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, right? One relapse and I'm down that rabbit hole for another couple months before I get help.
Fenor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sell it. in block. escape to Cuba
Cakepufft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:21 on February 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What heroin?
Alexbug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You beat me to it. Might as well through in some crack while you're at it though.
drunkerbrawler ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:27:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine is a condiment for real drugs.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crack =/= cocaine.
Crack = people prostituting themselves for another fix
Cocaine = Rockstars, Lawyers, and Fratbros having a little fun out the lines.
gaslightlinux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:45:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, I've known more people to prostitute themselves for Coke than Crack. They have a different dose curve and presumed class, but they're the same drug.
whereworm ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 17:15:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How could an abundance of free heroin possibly ruin you life?
Anub-arak ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:31:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They could be a recovering addict. It's a lot harder for people to say no to something that's staring them in the face when they're alone.
ArtsWarrior ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:46:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
because by the time you run out you would be deep deep into addiction, your life would change from one that seemingly is unaffected by drug use since you won't have to spend money or time getting that initial abundance so everything is going to catch up really really fast.
That_guy1143 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are casual users of most drugs, you know. He could Sherlock Holmes it and only take a certain diluted amount. (Book Sherlock Holmes, not dramatic "Sherlock" Sherlock Holmes.
ArtsWarrior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sure but heroin is not a drug known for its casual users, also you clearly don't know how many junkies started out by saying I will only do this much under these exact conditions and that's it.
Revelgoodpeople ยท 681 points ยท Posted at 15:04:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whole family died in various ways last year, so pictures of them.
GaracaiusCanadensis ยท 237 points ยท Posted at 18:44:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, man. This almost snuck by. I hope you're doing okay regularly.
[deleted] ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 20:15:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn.
Sorry, buddy.
Iwasseriousface ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:13:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, man. I'm sorry. I hope everything works out for you, and there are plenty of people here (myself included) that would be happy to listen if you need an ear.
Iketorz ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:53:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:30:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No his family.
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mary and Joseph
ahurlly ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:27:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:(
MRH-Q6 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:29:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's tough man
freckle_juice_mama ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:18:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Offering big internet hugs. So sorry.
zaburub3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:06:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man im really sorry to hear that. Yk theres alotta things to look forward to in this beautiful life. Keep your head up
TheSilverFalcon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:11:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope your younger brother is ok :(
LucidLarry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:16:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for your loss.
kukaz00 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:56:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry mate.. hope you're okay
Mjercer88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry to hear that :( hope you're coping with it as best as possible
greatemuwar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck man that's rough. Hang in there.
boomboxkai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:18 on February 10, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. You have my condolences.
pdmcmahon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Story, if you don't mind?
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:42:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The man said pictures of them would ruin his life. You ask him for details.
pdmcmahon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:45:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No worries, I found it.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:03:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not a story, but good on ya for more detail.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 03:04:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
EccPecc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:32:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WTF is wrong with you. *smh* ooh so edgy.
Vintner42 ยท 451 points ยท Posted at 14:56:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
700 million dollars and a note that says "you just won the lottery and your face has just been publicly broadcasted to the country, along with your home address and phone number. Congratulations!"
Apoc2K ยท 221 points ยท Posted at 17:36:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always wondered, how the hell are you ever going to cash in 700 million without setting off every possible red flag the IRS has?
"Where did you get this money from?" - "A magical box gave it to me."
Something tells me that shit isn't gonna fly.
DanMooreTheManWhore ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 17:52:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As long as you reported in that year and cut them a check you'd be good
[deleted] ยท 132 points ยท Posted at 18:42:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
PolloMagnifico ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 19:41:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact, Al Capone was busted for tax evasion!
SemSevFor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saul?
GangreneMeltedPeins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And Steve Buscemi was a fire fighter during 11/9
PolloMagnifico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What happened October 9th?
GangreneMeltedPeins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Snackbars drove their Aloha into our iconic twin penis (doubledickdude) and thus collapsed reddit.
Touchedmokey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:34:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There was a bit on that in Breaking Bad that always stuck with me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kYI5FAV9EQ
Truly, the government does not care about laws so long as there's a handsome kickback coming their way
Firehed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:37:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The FBI, on the other hand...
cra4efqwfe45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
However, law enforcement could take that money from you and not give it back unless you showed proof that you obtained it legally.
So it's not the IRS, but the government could (and probably would) care and do something about it.
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: the box came on New Year's Eve
Lestat117 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:45:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box would be filled with cash and problem solved.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:20:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You "always" wondered that?
Apoc2K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, I might have thrown just a teensy bit of hyperbole in there.
underwaterpizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Buy safe, put cash in safe, tell no one of said safe.
Cueball61 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
700 million is in that tier of earnings that means the government is your buddy
Azdusha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
but it's only one year of 700million. At government levels of influence, that can run out quick, I'd imagine
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
or you know, just keep it in a lockbox, or bury it, or do whatever with it. Buy everything in cash and never use a bank.
livininacoconut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ron Swanson?
droans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's what laundering is for.
CatOfGrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Write it down on the form. Pay the taxes. With 9 figures of money, you should have people do it for you. Those people include an attorney, who will handle the 'story' as to the origin of the money.
You may have to burn $3-4 million in fees, but after the initial set-up, you would be cruising. If you were happy before the money, you will be very happy afterward. If you weren't happy beforehand, you will be miserable afterward.
akiva23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Theres a twilight episode like this. Don't remember the name but it had a genie. Guy wished for money. They collected. Didn't care about the source.
PaleFlyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In small doses.
a_talking_face ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The IRS doesn't care. Their job is to tax income, not punish criminal behavior. For example, the IRS doesn't report workers that are in the country illegally.
Dragoness42 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:17:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just spend it slowly in cash. Deposit it a little at a time. Start some derpy little business that mysteriously becomes very successful. You know, basic money laundering.
Torvaun ยท 329 points ยท Posted at 15:57:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That, but instead of 700 million, it's only 5 thousand. Enough cash that people will think you're hiding the rest, not enough to escape and live comfortably somewhere else.
Screaming_hand ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 19:17:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooo now that's evil.
nerfherder998 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:43:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But $700 million is enough to give everyone in the country like $3.5 million each. Spread the wealth, biatch!
(I'm so proud to be in a place where everyone has such great math skills)
Kirssar ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:51:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Satan called. He wants to give you a raise.
SquaredUp2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:27:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A raise of 700 million dollars, perhaps?
Lord_CheezBurga ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A small loan of a million dollars
enginespumping ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ehh it won't be that bad. The only thing that I would probably be concerned is my phone number and address. And it's not like a lot of people would think that way about a guy that won 5 grand.
FrenchHornOne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:25:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The broadcast days you won 700mil, but really it was only 5k.
HateMessageMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Starring Liam Nelson.
FarSightXR-20 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:22:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would be awesome. I'd leave my house and get another phone. lol.
skivian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be okay with that.
Sand_Trout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Meh, I'm well armed in a nice, also well armed, neighborhood.
rileyrulesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I'll get a new phone. What's the big deal? You're acting like people are trying to assassinate Bill Gates whenever he walks outside.
runxsassypantiesxrun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Move out of the country. Problem solved ish
rahomka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fine with me
ReptiRo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck....
2BuellerBells ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
megamob_incoming.wav
Azdusha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is when you put all the money in a trust that only pays out to you $X,000, maybe even $1X,000 at most a month and publically tell people that you're only getting so much money a month and can only get paid if you and your loved ones are un-incarcerated (by any person or group). There stops being much financial incentive to kidnap you or hold people hostage if there's so little money to gain.
(That was my powerball plan to keep abusive family members from trying to mooch off of my money. My only exceptions were going to be to buy land, a house, and pay off my mother's debts)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hire multiple people with shotguns to sit on my porch 24/7
PM_ME_ORIGINAL_NAMES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As well as pictures of your genitals! Congratulations!
Stephen1985 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
700 million dollars is enough to disappear off the face of the earth, you could go live on the moon.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's some Liar Game level shit.
ElQuackers ยท 326 points ยท Posted at 17:50:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't open it for years out of fear. On your last worldly day you take the plunge and lift the lid. Inside is a tiny dog skeleton. It was a nice surprise but your fear made you kill a puppy. How can you live with yourself you heartless bastard
ChemicalArsonist ยท 143 points ยท Posted at 18:12:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thats really sad but the skull would be a neat desk ornament.
If you joined a gang, they would be all like "are u tuf enuf?" And you could show them the skull of a tiny baby dog and they would all worship you like a god, powerful enough to destroy even the cutest of puppies. Or something. Idk how gangs work.
ElQuackers ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 18:21:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That dog could have been your best friend.
Pampattitude ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:57:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or best gang partner.
Snarfler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:55:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See the commercial for the movie keanue?
"We are in the market for like a gangster pet"
(Ok mobile waiting for a test so not sure if that's the right quote, or even how to spell the movie name.)
Shabonde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure that's exactly how gangs work.
Source: I've seen Gangland. Twice.
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you join a gang and get a desk on your last day of living???
BioTechnix ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:37:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, am gang
DXvegas ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:44:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No you're pretty much spot on.
Source: Am in a gang
SilentFungus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am i tuf enuf?
Sterling03 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:58:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Schrรถdinger's cat. Is it or is it not?
SaccadicChronostasis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:33:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold up, who's to say you haven't averted an alternate tragedy - the puppy inside growing into a menace that ruins your life?
jacob_ewing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:30:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not very long if it's your last day anyway.
Jangerson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:23:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i'd probably gag right on top of the rotted/decayed corpse
ParadiseSold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:48:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your comment made my feel physically ill
Azdusha ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hate dogs. No guilt on my conscience. At least it's not a human
[deleted] ยท 464 points ยท Posted at 14:22:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A secret string
Skot0305 ยท 261 points ยท Posted at 14:31:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which opens a secret compartment.
thetwistur ยท 186 points ยท Posted at 14:44:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That has a secret key.
๐๏ธ ihlaking ยท 209 points ยท Posted at 14:59:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To a simple wooden box
Seba553 ยท 434 points ยท Posted at 15:58:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mom's spaghetti.
afoz345 ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 20:29:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I've laughed at this comment ever. Well done.
edok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:31:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's anxious.
SadGhoster87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:40:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But on the surface he looks calm and ready
DAREALANUS ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:34:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never forgetti
idislikeapple ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:47:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With a simple string
coolcoconut123 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:31:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That opens a secret compartment.
AstariiFilms ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:55:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That has a secret key
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:07:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
I_AM_ICEFROG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which contains...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Spaghetti_Robotti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
(โฏเฒ _เฒ ๏ผโฏ๏ธต โปโโป
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aw fuck not again
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:03:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would mean you have to open the box to open the box.
We did it, Reddit.
inthelittleforest ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:56:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That says "Warning: Contents inside will ruin your life!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
containing a hot car fart.
PM_ME_ORIGINAL_NAMES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That closes itself whenever opened
Fenor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that hold a secret string
its_jazz_me ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 15:01:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To a secret door.
thetwistur ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 15:03:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leading to a secret room.
HerptonBurpton ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 15:15:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which has a SECOND secret string!
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 15:27:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which contains the first riddle
BenStiller-Mexican ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 15:41:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which reads: read slowly between panicked breaths "who is champ?"
inthelittleforest ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 18:57:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That, and many other questions will be answered this night in the
WWE SUPER SLAM! JOHN CENA! THE UNDERTAKER! AND MORE!
neilarmsloth ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:29:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
doot doot doot doot (no smartphone)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐บ๐บ๐บ๐บ
Dark512 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:35:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I'm crying
inthelittleforest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi, Crying! I'm /u/inthelittleforest!
cheernastics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/dadjokes
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DA DA DA DAAAA
inthelittleforest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
G# A# F# G#
B A# F# G#
WaGgoggles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Currently Triple H
Toogoodtotroll ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 15:14:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AND BAM, JOHN CEEEEEEEEEEEENA
SkrublordPrime ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 15:57:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
memes
Cany0udance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
semem
Intnop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
๐บ๐บ๐บ๐บ
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:56:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...revealing an embarrassing snapshot of Spongebob at the Christmas party!
Jzkqm ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 15:06:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hiding a compartment... with an embarrassing photo of me from the Christmas party!
judgej2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's it for?
toomuchblushing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
to a tampon
thehonestyfish ยท 778 points ยท Posted at 14:40:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it, it's just a mirror. What's that supposed to...
...oh.
[deleted] ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 17:07:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have gold, so take this
thehonestyfish ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 17:25:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man, if I had a nickel for every time somebody said I deserved gold, but didn't give me any, I'd have, like, 60ยข by now.
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 17:50:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thehonestyfish ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 17:57:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure you would
Cany0udance ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:07:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! Great response! Let me see if I have some gold to give you... Hold on a second...frantically checking pockets
Brodoof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody gild this man!
I would gild you but i dont have money ;)
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:02:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give you gold AND a nickel, if I had gold.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:08:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was quite an adventure.
Deltasquad97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm giving you gold when I get off work
Scathee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:08:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I had a nickel for every time someone said I deserved gold I'd be dirt poor :(
F_Klyka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:21:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WELL YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY DESERVE IT!
ma2016 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:12:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, you've actually been keeping track...
kingeryck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:18:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can't give gold just because you have it. It's not herpes.
mhblm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What movie is this?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Knight Rider
PM_ME_KITTENS_PLEASE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your green upvote currency is no good here. You'll have to trade some in for reddit silver.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, that's the point.
The_Thylacine ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:31:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"...Damn I'm sexy."
arcanascu ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:25:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're so attractive but you never realized it before, and now you spend way too much time staring in the mirror! Right?
Chiefery ยท 1145 points ยท Posted at 14:26:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a child.
๐๏ธ ihlaking ยท 307 points ยท Posted at 15:12:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Any particular type of child?
craizzuk ยท 663 points ยท Posted at 15:16:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A dead child
Neutral-Native ยท 787 points ยท Posted at 15:30:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Free food..? I don't see problem here.
[deleted] ยท 253 points ยท Posted at 15:37:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It had ebola
Bene0 ยท 1023 points ยท Posted at 15:38:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So it's seasoned
Seba553 ยท 286 points ยท Posted at 15:56:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
God damn. 10/10
NotSoGreatGonzo ยท 184 points ยท Posted at 16:48:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not really. There's no rice here.
JohanTheShortGuy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:20:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But then it would become disgusting
bumpercarinfluenza ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:32:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
distusting*
FarSightXR-20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno I always like ebola rice.
AlexGrass ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:51:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So just a 5/7 then?
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a perfect meal
NotSoGreatGonzo ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 22:31:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. As a cyclist, I prefer 8/5/8 tubing.
NOT_RICE_GUY ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:34:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seasoned child with rice:
11/10
estXcrew ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:44:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mother of god. This thread.
Kirbynumber1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
11/10 with rice
HolyCloudNinja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:12:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I personally give it a 5/7
UltimateA-aron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:50 on May 25, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I cant believe no one else got your reference.
HolyCloudNinja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:50 on May 25, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you're about 3 months late boyo.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
QueequegTheater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't see a difference.
idislikeapple ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 16:46:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With a side of rice 10/10
HollowBlades ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely sickening.
upvotes
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:39:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the baby is a zombie that bites you
MagicalMagpie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Extra zesty
Darkgenerallord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno man, sometimes Patient Zero or One gets superpowers.
Sand_Trout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not seasoned, tenderized.
BlooFlea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh an foreign disease, how exotic.
kukaz00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Savage
ShrikeG29 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:37:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is going on r/imgoingtohellforthis
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would my kid be black?
niicii77 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fleshlight too!
Werdna629 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's a modest proposal
TerifficTurtle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:17:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/frugal_jerk
Robertpdot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Boxes are known for their modesty.
MightyButtonMasher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Prions.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:11:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit
molrobocop ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:03:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alive would be more life changing, for me.
southern_boy ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kids change your life to be sure but if you're halfway awake they give back a thousandfold of what they took out of you... losing a child rips out a piece of your heart you know you'll never get back.
YelrahRehguab ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:25:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But you arent losing a child, the box just has a dead kid in it.
southern_boy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:42:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait a tick... this isn't some magical life blipping box?
How tedious.
MrAxlee ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:26:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect, wank material delivered right to me.
sorry_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah free fleshlight
cursed_deity ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WOW
such edge
FarSightXR-20 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:18:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... with only your fingerprints on it.
Guyfive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My kid to minion chrome extension is working well right now
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, Probably not dead...
ragout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good ol' Isaac suffocating in his chest
Cueball61 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That'd be some scarring maybe... But a live child is 18 years down the drain
takesthebiscuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is OP Le Procurator Roi Villefort
fatassfloaters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:40 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Schrodinger's Child
Sw3Et ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dead children are the best children
All_About_Apes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One that's alive would ruin it more.
geodesic42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure a live one would actually ruin your life (the implication being that you'd have to care for it and not give it away); a dead one would only be disturbing.
PM_ME_ANYTHING_FUN ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 15:18:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
human child.
scottysnacktime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Botchling
Sand_Trout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
D'awww....
It just wants love.
R4dent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A sexy one
Bright_Crow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A not aborted one?
IAmASkientist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine
Hubbadubya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A black one.
Ignorantblackkid ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:14:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Child pornography
patentspatented ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:45:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or maybe a whole bunch of them. I mean, I already have two children and life is pretty un-ruined ... but if there were like 8 more in there? No. No no no. NOOOOO.
cythonian ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 21:45:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yay it's the anti child circlejerk thread!
You know most people have children and are completely fine, in fact the majority become better people themselves as a result.
EricMcM ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:34:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone's insecure.
TalesFromThe5thGrade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, he keeps butting into conversations about how much he hates kids. Pretty sad.
adorkablepenguin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:36:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. Also, plenty of people don't want or have children and they are completely fine and better people than they would be with kids.
Dude's not saying all kids are life ruiners to all people. He just doesn't want them. It's all good.
JereTheJuggler ยท 330 points ยท Posted at 14:20:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
A hitman, and I'm his current job.
Edit: because many seem to be concerned about the size of said wooden box...
When I answered I was imagining just finding a box on the porch that is kind of like a coffin that is just a rectangular prism and standing upright as if someone just shipped him to me, and when I opened the door there he was, with a bunch of packing peanuts scattered on the ground by his feet.
[deleted] ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 15:20:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JereTheJuggler ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 15:21:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless he used a knife...
[deleted] ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 15:23:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JereTheJuggler ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 15:26:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about a sword? Then he'd kinda be a ninja.
[deleted] ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 15:29:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JereTheJuggler ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 15:36:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How about dual-wielding katanas?
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 15:47:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JereTheJuggler ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 15:48:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Although probably a bit overboard considering I'm the target...
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:51:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Shadowkirby1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:35 on February 10, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no, because he's using swords, we just went over this
lapotatoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:26:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How about a double bladed lightsaber katana.
wozowski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about 3?
Chaotic_Cage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Try THREE!
RequiemStorm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:08:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They'd have to be wakazashi, Katanas are two handed
formerself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The hitman has 4 hands and arms.
1337Noooob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or dual wielding Monster Swords!
Stacia_Asuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now this just makes me picture if Klein got the dual wielding skill. And is shanking Laughing Coffin to this day.
kukaz00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wakizashi for easier concealment.
GangreneMeltedPeins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hes referencing Runescape, show some respect ya cunt
MysteriousLiquid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:28:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a hobo sword. Bit of glass taped to a stick.
sgol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hanzo.
Box don't fuck around.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reverse-blade sword!
Hardin_of_Akaneia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sword with a hole in the handle that shoots out guns that shoot out knives.
thirdegree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.
Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.
Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.
Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/outside is leaking. Someone call a hitman.
thedude1693 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saradomin's sword?
justarandomgeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Guy stabbed me Mal, with a sword! How weird is that?
cursed_deity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sounds way scarier though, you could get knifed any moment of any day, fuck.
MannishManMinotaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Soap and Lรฉon would like a word with you.
Amer_Faizan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
at least you'd go out with a shwang
awakenDeepBlue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A frozen swordfish.
Imperium_Dragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a noose.
amrasmin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:19:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that must be a really tiny hitman to fit in a box (i'm assuming we are talking standard box size here)
JereTheJuggler ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:21:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Define "standard size" for a wooden box.
amrasmin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well apparently 12 x 12 x 12"
ChasterMief711 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:07:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it's a snail.
roflzzzzinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
midget hitman
mikealwy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:48:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could live through that though
JereTheJuggler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:49:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HA! No I couldn't...
mikealwy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:51:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another thought is he would fail if you commit suicide. You'd be the one that got away
JereTheJuggler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:53:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would still ruin my life though.
johnhollison ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:53:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Clever hitman.
JereTheJuggler ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:57:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Though he'd probably be more clever if he put something more enticing on the box than 'Warning: contents will ruin your life'.
AlcoholicInsomniac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Free death."
Nicodemess ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:24:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would have been awkward if you were not his current job...
damnedspot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:45:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me-Mow?
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the Hitman game would be better if, instead of pulling a shotgun out of the flower box, it's another tiny hitman.
fiddelal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
kinda like the "c.h.o.s.e.n" TV-Series then?
jeaguilar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Big box or little hit man?
JereTheJuggler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was imagining a big box.
akiva23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How big is this box?!
JereTheJuggler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Big enough for a hitman to stand inside. Kind of like a coffin that is just a rectangular prism and standing upright. When I answered I was imagining just finding a box on the porch as if someone just shipped him to me, and when I opened the door there he was, with a bunch of packing peanuts on the ground by his feet.
BonGonjador ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait... the box contains a hitman?
JereTheJuggler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BonGonjador ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Now that you're describing how you imagined the box, it makes more sense.
GotHamm ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:00:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's just doing his bro job.
IamPablo ยท 270 points ยท Posted at 14:38:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A smartphone with reddit opened
StalkerNoStalking ยท 123 points ยท Posted at 17:59:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
and then you close it, only to open reddit up again in another tab
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 18:12:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Close tab. List of subreddit appears of my interests. Open another tab.
Grumpy_Bump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THE RIDE NEVER ENDS
staplesgowhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fairly certain that my phone already does that.
zakattack66 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 21:41:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tab? You sound like an android pleb.
Kirssar ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:50:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! I wouldn't fall for that! Oh wait.
Bearsuit0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Came for this.
lapotatoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thats basically what happened to me.
PM_ME_ORIGINAL_NAMES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You already must've ruined your life then, because you're on Reddit
BobsWorth_icup ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 16:16:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
5000 30mg Oxycodones
[deleted] ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 17:35:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best life-ruin box. Lets say 30mg oxy sells for $30 a pop, so I get to have a ton of free drugs and make a shitload of money. I could easily ruin my life and have tons of fun doing it--10/10 would take box.
itz4mna ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:12:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plus a GPS tracker owned by Her Majesty's constabulary.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:25:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! I'm out of their jurisdiction!
kaenneth ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:50:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Which is why they don't need a warrant.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:04:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/theydidthemath
coffeeshopslut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:12:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you get addicted while selling, spend money on more oxy...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:52:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a life ruining box, so no way am I buying more oxy with the money. Its all going straight to needles and heroin, maybe some meth too if I feel like speeding things along.
I_autocross_a_Buick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:52:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
$150,000 isn't that much. Can't even get you a decent house in a moderately sized city.
Dusty_One57 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:45:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's $150,000 I didn't have yesterday.
TorchedBlack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:14:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Recently bought a house in KC for under 150k, its pretty nice.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:15:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't lie you're in Raytown.
TorchedBlack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Waldo
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It would be a comfortable couple of days though.
kaenneth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meanwhile, outside... http://www.policestateusa.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/SWAT-raid.jpg
SereneLloydBraun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just the two that got you started in the first place. Complete with crusher and straw.
pqowie313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:44 on February 10, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box can't make you take them, or become addicted. Just sell them.
uhh_tina_uhh ยท 511 points ยท Posted at 14:19:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A printout of my search history
mikealwy ยท 863 points ยท Posted at 14:43:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Judge: I hear you have the defendants search history here
Defendant: I'm guilty no need to read that
Lufernaal ยท 263 points ยท Posted at 15:04:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It all starts ok with stuff like a google search on "how to perform a CPR" and then, a few lines down, you're in a hardcore BDSM website with the most confusing CSS layout you've ever seen in your life.
[deleted] ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 15:54:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
which one with the confusing CSS layout do you mean?
PM_UR_PEGGING_PICS ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 16:22:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are so many sites! Be specific!
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 16:39:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest, the sites I know have an okay layout..
Youve_got_aids ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:23:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're telling me there's sites outside Reddit?
SadGhoster87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:45:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. He's spreading lies. Stay with us.
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
CodeMonkeys ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:22:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/Ooer
DoWhile ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:16:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ooerintensifies/
Galobtter ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:51:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My friend wants to know for science!
RogueTaco ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:57:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
he must mean de_dust
Spirit_Theory ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 17:19:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The CSS reflects the kink. Weird, restrictive in all sorts of unusual ways, and impossible to escape without asking for help.
Tubaka ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 19:48:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the more fucked up your porn gets the worse the layout gets. Once you hit "pregnant furry with anal prolapse gets feet worship" it locks up your computer and just gives you a continuous stream of worsening porn
microwave_safe_bowl ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:38:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Omg that is one of my favorites. When she pushes out her ass tulip and 4 baby squirrels fall out of her super hairy vag... Cum. Every. Time.
10/10
corsair238 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wtf
TheInternetHivemind ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:29:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...link?
is_a_cat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:14:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, that's not even that weird. I think I've masturbated to that exact picture even
corsair238 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wat
EclecticDreck ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:53:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Real entries from my search history:
Omitted: a thousand searches for various work related things. Reddit inspires the odd searches.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:56:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OH, everyone look at MR. VIRTUOUS over here....
Isn't he special?
EclecticDreck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, that was my work google history.
SquaredUp2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Let's make a story out of this.
EclecticDreck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:13:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, the wound was a bit of research about an argument I ended up not bothering with. The language analysis stuff (including LIWC) was mostly so I could get a link to help provide context to a cool intersection of science and writing.
The Last Unicorn trailer was the result of seeing something about the book and wondering if the movie held up. That started me down a rabbit hole where I wondered if The Red Bull inspired Red Bull. I didn't research that, but instead wondered about the association. The Bull was, after all, nothing less than every weakness and failing of humans made manifest in the body of a giant flaming beast and it drove the unicorns from their forests and meadows and into the sea. In doing that, some small but very real measure of beauty and hope was taken from the world. Wondering why the Bull founded a beverage empire, I sought out the counterpoint and found that the unicorns do have a beer to their credit.
Finally, ketamine and pharmacology are there because I needed to have at least a quick primer on those drugs (that's a whole different rabbit hole in my search history, I'd bet) because I needed a street name for a drug that was, in effect, "Space MDMA" Gyrojet, meanwhile, was the result of a half remembered old firearm technology where the bullets are rocket propelled rather than explosion propelled. I was hoping to come up with a plausible way to jam a very powerful anti-material round into a package a person could carry and shoot. Along with those is ten or twelve hours of searching and reading about heroin, and countless more hours digging through physics stuff to help determine if some silly idea I had was even physically possible. This is a very long way to go to say that research is often more fun than writing.
Christchurch, meanwhile, is a city I'm only aware of thanks to a book I didn't really enjoy (Friday by Robert Heinlein). It sounded nice enough and a quick google confirmed my suspicions. Assuming people in Christchurch are at least halfway decent, it is the sort of place I'd like to visit.
butterbal1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:29 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
just FYI..
Those unicorn beetles are pretty damn good. I put the on par with my old otter box defender.
ManicOppressive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If hardcore BDSM is the worst thing in your search history, you shouldn't be worried.
offtopicdidyouknow ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 15:07:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know that the official state dinosaur of Wyoming is the Triceratops?
kotkaiser ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 15:15:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your search history probably reads like the worst case of ADHD ever.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:33:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm... a add-on that tracked your Wikipedia pages would be fascinating. See just how people go down the rabbit hole
eugragas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:15:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Quality idea!
Antal_Marius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd ask if I was ok. As in, mentally stable in the least.
sosnazzy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:50:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
as someone with ADHD this is 1000% accurate
TastyArsenic ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:02:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
as someone with adhd, i have honed the craft of not just googling whatever comes into my brain, until i got voice search. i think i may have a problem.
sosnazzy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:54:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
even harder than that was figuring out how to "think about nothing" without thinking about thinking about nothing so I can finally fall asleep
TastyArsenic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:33:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i still have this problem. i have huge problems with falling asleep unless i have some kind of podcast or something on. it's personally the thing i have the hardest time overcoming and i think it's probably the thing most people don't really realize about ADHD
450925 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 15:18:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know, that the national Animal of Scotland... is the Unicorn?
-solus- ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 15:24:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if any country's national animal is the human
Frosma ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:01:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
America's national animal is the American.
Actual_Unicorn_AMA ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 17:33:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I did! Our national animal is the Scot, too.
hugglesthemerciless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I actually did know that! It was on a different thread a couple days ago
AMvariety ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 15:12:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wow this enthralling, so much useless trivia. Its almost hypnotic.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:06:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I think I'll just confess to the murder, your honor"
Backstop ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:38:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather just confess to the murder.
SethChrisDominic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:20:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, the wooden box is actually on fire now...
aragorn_2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:13:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
-Jared the subway guy
reincarN8ed ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 15:42:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine would just be a list of long words that I don't know how to spell. Google is my dictionary.
I'm not stupid, I browse incognito.
bem13 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:22:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Google still knows unless you use a VPN or TOR.
Mac10Mag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:42:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's the joke
liljakeyplzandthnx ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 14:33:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
With one more page with these words on it: "Sir, this printout has been forwarded to every single person that you know."
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:37:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And every hiring firm in all countries but North Korea
Galobtter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless the search history was sent to someone else it'll be fine
And for the real deal you have to get the incognito history.
Calskie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better start prayin' boy
Mozambique_Drill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We're gonna need a bigger box.
geekworking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is easy to explain. You see I was just working on my thesis to prove Internet Rule #34.
QueequegTheater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's all fun and games until you're ordering five posters a week from Shadbase.
MysticalTesticles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT'S IN THE BOX???
acerebral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. This would only ruin my life if my wife opened it.
retroly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dont google specific kinks, find a site of wide ranging kinks and ...... Oh god the title of thr film is in the url http://www.standardporn.com/video237254_a3_pregnant_hairy_granny_sex_with_dogs_bdsm_bi_gay_orgy
mudpilot ยท 162 points ยท Posted at 14:47:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The date and time of your death.
RedPandaAlex ยท 115 points ยท Posted at 18:04:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you were like the father in Big Fish, you'd think it would help you, because if you knew when you died, you'd know that you could survive anything else.
Full of hubris, you try to climb mount everest and freeze to death.The note was a lie.
PaleFlyer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:53:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once something from the future comes back, and becomes known, the thing is no longer going to happen. Butterfly effect I think. IE, if I were told that in a week, I was going to get hit by a car, at 7:43 pm, walking out of work. I would make sure that I don't leave the plant between 7:40, and 7:50. Ergo, changing the future.
Hell, being told I get to fuck Brooklyn Decker, would probably ruin my chance, as I would be over thinking it. Or under, and therefore miss it, as I expect it to be a sure thing.
Azdusha ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:31:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
maybe they don't go into that much detail. Or there's a catch-22 involved. say "January 25th at 3:31pm" You have a heart attack that day at 3:15. If you call an ambulance, you die in traffic; if you don't, the heart attack kills you.
Hpfm2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:03:17 on May 29, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless deterministic time travel rules are at play!
...It's been three months, what am I doing with my life
Azdusha ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:29:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I"m still (passively) suicidal. If I knew there was an end in sight, it'd definitely help me get through the meantime. Less nighttime regretting of my aborted suicide attempts, less wondering if it'd really be so bad to just do it now. There's finally be a visible light at the end of the tunnel, instead of just a theoretical one.... I think I could be okay with that
CompanionCuybe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:06:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes your mind lies to you.
Azdusha ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:09:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand what you mean
pqowie313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:49 on February 10, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even better, the note says you have now been imbued with invincibility. At first, you live your life like normal, you just aren't scared of doing somewhat dangerous things. At some point, though, you push it a bit too far.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 15:32:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's now.
GGAllinsMicroPenis ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 19:41:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No it's n
[deleted] ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 21:17:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
n being an undisclosed number of minutes from now.
SadGhoster87 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:47:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yay bad grammar!
SquaredUp2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:28:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey where'd y
GGAllinsMicroPenis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:28:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can't type anymore, I'm d
TheViper9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This takes me back to my days on the StarCraft 2 forums where we would all die to the invisible Protoss sn
MightyButtonMasher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or the times of the Candlejack m
QueequegTheater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
something something az
Intnop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shi
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Candle Cove? WHAT DO YOU MEAN CAND
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:19:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
GGAllinsMicroPenis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:23:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I die my mouse is positioned over save, so when I slump forward my dead face clicks the mouse b
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, it's the same with m
Ibney00 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:58:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The time is here the time is now?
[deleted] ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 14:57:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The knowledge would probably act as a motivation for people to start doing things they like.
K1LL3RM0NG0 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 19:31:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah ok but consider the following.
A 5 minute countdown...
bitchycunt3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But you've managed to do everything you could have ever wanted from your life so you die with only the feeling of contentment left.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd take a voice memo letting my family know I just found out I was about to die and thanking them for all they've done for me no matter how much of a pain I can be. I'd also talk about my friends who were there for me and my ex girlfriend who I wish we could have ended on better terms but I wish her the best in life.
ZombieBoobies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think so too. In fact I'd want to know.
Lestat117 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:44:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dont know why people think this is bad. Knowing exactly when oyure gonna die would be the fucking best.
No need to save for retirement if youre gonna die at 45 anyway. No need to worry about literally anything. You can go hiking, you can go skydiving, you can do anything knwing youre not gonna die anyway.
Most people would stop sitting at home on reddit and start doing shit.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:41:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Check out Machine of Death, edited by Ryan North, Matthew Bennardo, and David Malki.
They are written by all kinds of people, with all kinds of plots and formats. They are great!
mudpilot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like something I would enjoy reading.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:31:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently you can get the text of first book for free here. :)
mudpilot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:01:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. Looks good.
mudpilot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:51:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm. A mixed bag but some are really good. Funnier than I expected.
Cyerdous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIL that Yahtzee wrote about statutory rape.
rileyrulesu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:09:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only person that would think that it's super convenient?
Rules_are_for_fools ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know of a single person who would take it seriously. And neither would you I guess. Watch: mudpilot, you will die on Oct 10, 2024, at 6:32 am. I guess your life is ruined.
MrQamboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
here's a countdown
Trofeetito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
deeat notoruuh!
SquaredUp2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
RemindMe! Oct 10, 2024, 6:32 am
coranos2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I had that and knew it would be accurate, I'd cap out my credit and put all the money in the bank. The credit is cancelled when you die, the money would then go to my wife.
sup3rmark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
even worse: the date of your death, no time listed.
oh_sneezeus ยท 172 points ยท Posted at 14:41:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A couple cute, little, adorable rats.
that are carrying the plague
ARTexplains ยท 140 points ยท Posted at 15:33:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, actually, the plague is survivable now thanks to modern medicine. So, you're good. Enjoy your rats. Maybe help them get rid of their fleas though, because that's where the plague came from.
LordKravock ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:54:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You answered twice
Aether_Storm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You answered twice
inthelittleforest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You replied twice
Aether_Storm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:07:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You replied once.
Brrringsaythealiens ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:05:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where is my cure blight potion!?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:34:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
LordKravock ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:55:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You answered twice
Aether_Storm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You answered twice
GroceriesCheckOut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:33:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually rats probably wouldn't give you the plague, but they make great pets!
Datduckdo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well fleas carried the plague sooo
LordCaptain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Alberta. Rats would be a bigger deal than the plague.
mikealwy ยท 165 points ยท Posted at 14:41:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
potatoisafruit ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 16:05:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: you're a guy.
purple_lassy ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 17:17:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This can actually a marker for Testicular cancer.
fgininja ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 18:48:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you a word
purple_lassy ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 20:06:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you correct.
codename-Da-Vinci ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 20:32:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You loyal
Nixnilnihil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:21:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
U Haul
DontHurtMeImJustADot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:05:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You da vinci
MericaMericaMerica ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You is kind,
you is smart,
you is important.
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:00:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You
QueequegTheater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
conan funny. stephen good interviewer.
Fallon laugh at own joke.
PaleFlyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you not making the commenter look like a prick.
fireduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That word had cancer.
DogaLover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, what? What word he?
hugglesthemerciless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You a word
PM_UR_PEGGING_PICS ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 16:30:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That really isn't much of a plot twist. They didn't say it was yours.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, but it does make you more skeptical about whether the test actually has anything to do with you, or if someone just put it in a random box and wrote on it.
Jman15x ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:49:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still fucked
Trofeetito ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: You're a girl and you haven't taken any pregnancy tests.
phearlez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean Plot twist: You're a guy. You have cancer.
Snarfler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trip Tucker?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have to pass the baby through your urethra. Your scrotum holds it.
mikealwy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
plot twist: You don't remember losing you're virginity
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:23:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So? I know it's not mine. So some random chick is pregnant. Not my problem.
geekworking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:13:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your teen daughter's positive pregnancy test.
VaatiXIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do you know it's yours?
mikealwy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you don't
Leggomyeggo69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yea, then the average user of reddit has to through that super long list of women they banged......
Azdusha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a trans girl, I'd fucking love that. (And my baby would definitely be the second coming of Christ, considering I'm supposed to be sterile, am still pre-op and haven't had any sex in a long time.)
PM_ME_ORIGINAL_NAMES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you tested yourself, it just means a stranger thought you should know they either are pregnant or have testicular cancer because apparently that can cause false positives
peanut_butter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't let this ruin your life. There are options!
petmoo23 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 16:22:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby and termination papers for your job.
F_Klyka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you care that I got terminated from my job?
Thanks for your consideration, though.
PaleFlyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Termination papers? That might actually be an improvement... My job blows German Cock.
thenordicbat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Put it uo for adoption
fartbox2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:40 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Several years ago I got these within a couple of months of each other. It was rough but it certainly didn't ruin my life.
Fratson ยท 138 points ยท Posted at 14:33:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glitter
kotkaiser ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 15:23:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mariah Careys acting career got the same box.
Saganasm ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:09:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
First name Gary.
Flowork ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:22:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FYI - https://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/
GlitterIsMyProzac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
โก
F_Klyka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Argh, it's EVERYWHERE!
...forever.
phunkydroid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:32:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glitter and cheap perfume.
Mr_Derisive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:40 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, The herpes of arts and crafts, get it once and it just keeps popping back up.
kevie3drinks ยท 273 points ยท Posted at 15:00:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
advanced copy of civilization VI with all it's future DLC.
[deleted] ยท 128 points ยท Posted at 15:35:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... With just the key missing.
retief1 ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 20:32:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would save him. Torture him, yes, but ultimately save him.
itz4mna ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:11:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Time to learn about cracking I think.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:20:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just by the time you will learn 2 more games of the same series will be released.
KwisatzX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just publish the game on torrents and some group will crack it for you.
endwar614 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:13:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a monster.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:19:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, Ghandi has stepped his game up.
Imperium_Dragon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:23:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That only works with an IBM computer.
neodymiumPUSSYmagnet ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 14:44:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby
vmos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:44:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a live one?
Fatties-Gonna-Fat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the correct answer.
lapotatoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How about a dead baby.
ARTexplains ยท 111 points ยท Posted at 15:37:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Proof that the universe is a simulation designed by extradimensional beings for the sole purpose of seeing what a universe with suffering in it would look like.
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 20:04:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
TheEMCmusic ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:23:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't really make sense when you consider that such beings would likely not even have a concept of suffering, and therefore would never create the simulation
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
Iseenoghosts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why can't the world being a simulation be an emergent property itself from the existence of this "higher" universe.
FredFnord ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:02:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you claiming that we are not capable of having concepts of things that do not exist in concrete reality?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:09:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Essentially, yes. It's a weird thought, and doesn't seem right at first, but us humans are very bad at coming up with concepts of things that do not exist. For example, try imagining an animal that doesn't exist. It's not hard of course, you can imagine a cat with tentacles, or a giant flying slug, or a caterpillar with spider legs, or a million other things. But all of these animals are simply composed of parts of animals you have already seen. Imagining an animal composed of parts that you've never seen on any animal is very difficult. I'm having trouble imagining anything other than some sort of fleshy, translucent, gaseous blob. And even if you have an exceptional imagination and can imagine some fully-fleshed animal that has no resemblance to anything that has ever been seen, you will still be imagining it as a familiar colour. For all our imagination, humans are incapable of imagining colours that we have never seen.
You could argue that if these hypothetical beings existed in a state of pure bliss, they could theorize that suffering existed by imagining the opposite of bliss, but imagining the opposite of something that doesn't exist in duality is very difficult as well. For example, what is the opposite of time? In a world without suffering, bliss isn't something that would appear to have an opposite. If humans existed in a world without suffering, we would imagine that the opposite of bliss is numbness.
*This post contains paraphrased excerpts from something I read once, but for the life of me I can't remember where. All credit goes to where it is due, wherever that might be.
Gloinstrong8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So essentially....God does exist. Checkmate atheists.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like Descartes (for your source). I'm not sure if that's what you read but you essentially outlined his argument for gods existence.
SoefianB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What book is it from? I'd love to read it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's in one of his meditations. Just look up the Trademark Argument by Descartes and you should be able to find it.
SoefianB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:43 on February 17, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was wondering if it was Descartes, he was the first result when I tried to find whatever I was paraphrasing in Google. Guess something from philosophy class actually stuck in my mind after all.
TacoNinjaSkills ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:41:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simulation_hypothesis
The Simulation Hypothesis claims that it is likely we are living in computer simulation. Basically there could be any amount of time before the existence of our universe, and given infinite time there would be a civilization somewhere, sometime, that would decide to run a universe simulation. I think it claims that this is more likely than us being the "first" intelligent life.
peon2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but so what? Even if that was true does it actually change anything?
Fr33_Lax ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:11:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh don't get me started on this mind fuck again. It was hard enough to get over it last time.
Buttttoucher ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:27:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would their universe truly be without suffering if they could design something with suffering in it? Perhaps they invented suffering. How would they know such a thing could exist? Would that make them evil?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:06:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me about an argument about God being evil. If God is real and everything about him is true, like being all-knowing, knows everything that will and did happen, but created Adam and Eve knowing damn well they'd fuck up, then he's evil. He didn't have to create humanity, or he could have created something who he knew wouldn't turn on him. He granted sentience and the power of choice to a species, knew they'd fuck it up and kill each other, fuck each other over, etc. because he just... wanted to. Then he expects you to live life fearing him and attempting to mimic what he stands for, even if what he stands for can be contradictory or ass backwards at times.
If this universe was created by "God," he's inherently evil. He knew the suffering that would ensue if he gave his creations the power of choice rather than instinct, but he did it anyways. He knew it wouldn't be some perfect utopia. It was like he wanted to play his own little game with sentient beings for his own amusement.
If this universe is created by a simulation, then the suffering is inherent and deliberate as well. You can't have the power of choice without suffering. You just can't. Being able to think for yourself and make your own decisions will ultimately lead to greed, pride, etc. Not everyone is greedy or prideful, but it is an essential component to life as we know it. So, if this is a simulation, it was created by beings who also have the power of choice. They know how their own universe works, they want to see how a simulation of it works, knowing that they're possibly damning entire species to suffering for as long as the simulation runs. Even if there was no suffering in their dimension for whatever reason, they specifically coded it to be possible in ours.
Either way, "God" and the simulation creators who came before us to create this simulation are inherently evil.
Dumb_Dick_Sandwich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do you know this isn't the case? Because a little box hasn't told you so?
Also, anyone can write an inscription on a box made out of wood. Why is it a supernatural box?
TheInternetHivemind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*shrug*
If suffering is the meaning of life, it sounds like I should go make the people I don't like suffer. Otherwise the universe is in vain.
CurrisCore ยท 133 points ยท Posted at 17:00:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spiders.
The box is full of spiders.
Webspinners, jumpers, some as big as your face!
The box is full of spiders.
More spiders than should actually fit in the box. Where do they keep coming from? You'll ask yourself, before realizing that you're now ankle deep in spiders. . .
Futilely, you attempt to close the box again. The spiders pressurize the box, and it breaks open again, discharging a geyser of angered territorial arachnids.
You are doused with spiders in your hair, down the back of your neck. They're in your shirt!
You turn to run away, and actually make progress, until the giant Trapdoor opens up.
ArsenoPyrite ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 23:04:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's OK, I chipped in for their bake sale so they won't eat me.
Lemerney2 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:48:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/unexpectedundertale
cogsandspigots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer r/unexpectedcrusaderkings. It has more incest and DEUS VULT!
OctagonalHumanist ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:14:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*Muffet hands you a box of spiders
yourmomisawhorehole ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:23:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All proceeds go to real spiders!
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cannot confirm, source: was eaten.
I WARNED YOU ABOUT BAD TIEMS
I TOLD YOU BRO
[deleted] ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 20:55:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
coranos2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:23:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Solution: Start a company making unlimited free energy out of burning the bodies of this infinite supply of spiders you have found. I mean spiders burn too, right? So make a spider fueled turbine, right?
kaenneth ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:43:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
burning spiders still run directly at you.
Lemerney2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
not if they don't have legs...
yelsew5 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:17:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well fuck you then... Time to go cry...
rielephant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:36:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found Ron Weasley.
thenordicbat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey satan, calm the fuck down
NAbsentia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:45:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But what's down there? Under the trap door?
CurrisCore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:47:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this, but about the size of pony.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Almost sound like it's out of WTNV.
CurrisCore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I could believe it. Night Vale, or SCP.
bigjimboslice123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good god
Sleeper256 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a spider in your hole....he's got a mean bite...
milkradio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've had nightmares exactly like this before :'(
CylentShadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When does your novel come out?
microwave_safe_bowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a cat in a second box that can communicate with the spiders??
the_poison_donut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'll stick to making philosophical realizations and puppy skeletons thx
mehbitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well... That's enough Reddit for today... Time to go have a panic attack and think about that scenario as a possibility for the next few weeks...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sick poem, bro.
Ag-big-ballin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yo man spiders are bros. Get with it.
Black_Lannister ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:45:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hate you
kayemm36 ยท 128 points ยท Posted at 15:33:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My hard drive. My flash drive. My backup flash drive. My offsite drive. All smashed to bits.
Along with a note that says, "Your cloud data is all gone too."
King_of_Avalon ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 19:37:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know, it was interesting reading up to the 'smashed to bits' part. I imagine there are more than a few people for whom their hard drive, flash drive, backup flash drive, and offsite drive would be far more likely to ruin their life if presented in perfect condition by someone else.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:26:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
there's a good story on /r/nosleep about that, some guy loses his flash drive then that night, kills himself. it's a good read and highly upvoted
hjqusai ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:44:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
THANKS FOR THE LINK
Edit: found it
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:47:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sorry on mobile
anickseve ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:49:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would probably just lay down and cry. That's my personal life. My childhood. My history. My legacy. And my livelihood. This truly would ruin my life completely.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:08:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not really. You might think so now, but if you ever went through an experience like this where you "lose everything", your focus would shift to being grateful to be alive. You'd be surprised how quickly you get over your losses when you have no other choice: the past is gone anyway, and there's literally nothing left to do but keep on living and doing the best you can. Remembering the words of the ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus will get you through black days like nothing else:
Source: "lost everything"; re-made a life that's meaningful and worth living.
demonicpigg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it makes you feel any better, they'll all be gone within 200 years anyway most likely.
Lord_CheezBurga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You forgot Porn
cra4efqwfe45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really? I think I could lose every bit of data I have, and except for some questions and work to redo, be perfectly fine and back up and running within a day or two.
Assuming that the banks haven't lost anything of mine, that is.
anickseve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a programmer and gamer. I've been using a computer since I was 6, and still have old documents from my early teens. My freelance work, and my office work would all be gone. So would all of the pictures of my kids. Yeah, it would suck :P
inquirewue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:28 on February 10, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks to Seagate, I lost about a year's worth of data. This is exactly what I did. Especially after they told me to fuck off.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:06:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hehe
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Joke's on YOU, the data were already in bits!"
Skipper_Blue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:07:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"jokes on you I have offsite bac-
ssssshhhhhhhit"
_Yaniss_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Linus? Is that you?
Niccof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, all of your storage data intact, sitting there in the box, but with a note attached, reading either "tread lightly", or "we can ruin you."
PaleFlyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I WILL SURVIVE! HEY HEY! Work might be fucked though...
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nope
Rumbledore9 ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 14:58:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note telling me my girlfriend is cheating on me
[deleted] ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 15:34:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...a video giving you life feed of her fucking your brother.
therealzephyr ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:39:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But I don't have a brother!
MysteriousLiquid ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 18:31:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok then, she's pegging your grandpa.
Object_Reference ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:45:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He was cremated!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:53:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She's made the ashes into a dildo and is now masturbating with it.
AbsolutlyN0thin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:17:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Its what he would have wanted, pleasuring women even after his death
RVelts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean technically that's not cheating?
downtherabbithole- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How so?
meowkittygorawr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that escalated quickly.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:40:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make one.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your parents lied to you.
kukaz00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You do now
Admiral_Cuntfart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's America!
Whywouldanyonedothat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:14:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey it's me, your brother
CrimsonWind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:28:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And your Dad.
ReasonableBrowsing ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 16:09:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah definitely picture proof of my boyfriend cheating, it would change most of my life. Work is tied to our living accommodations together, we split bills in an expensive city, all our families and friends are intertwined, he's my best friend, ect. Starting new having acquired a loss of trust in others would be devastating.
orangestegosaurus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:32:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That moment when all of your friends would rather hang out with your ex. It's not easy to keep going feeling that kind of abandonment.
snark_city ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:07:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
heh, even worse is when you think that'll happen, and it doesn't.
...and then it does.
orangestegosaurus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:22:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah... it happened about 6 months after our break up. So much harder when people actively help you out and be bros only to abandon you because they want a piece of your ex. Fuckers.
snark_city ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:33 on February 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ugh. my sympathies, mang. i'm currently exploring a mix of stoicism and buddhism -- life can be tough, but don't get too stressed about things outside your control. it's pretty good so far.
DaedricBlood ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:22:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been there. It's awful.
2ero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't exactly cheated on but... This is something I'm struggling with at the moment. You can move on to meet new people but you may be a little paranoid about trusting new people.
ksuwildkat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:46:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This too shall pass like it never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened
stufff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can you provide the context for that scene?
ksuwildkat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Peggy was pregnant and didn't know until she basically went into labor. It was 1960 and a single woman being sexually active was a scandal. She has the baby and gives it up for adoption, never speaking of it again. Later we find out that Don Draper is not really Don Draper. The real Don died in Korea.
stufff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was Don the father?
ksuwildkat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No. Pete.
phearlez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, that's only fair since I'm still fucking my wife too.
f0ad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ruin maybe the next 4-6 months, certainly won't ruin your life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Rumbledore9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's why it would ruin my life. I would spend hours upon hours questioning it. Questioning her. Whether it's true or not I know it would have a huge impact on my life having that doubt
RevRaven ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 14:54:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. I'm not fucking opening it.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:30:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It follows you around till you open it, and while your sleeping teleports to the foot of the bed so when you wake up everyday you'll see it. Once your driven to madness and abandoned your family, you will open it.
And in that box.....will be a repleca of that box!
Chaotic_Cage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
GENIUS
Imperium_Dragon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:28:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was enough money to rival the U.S. national debt in cash.
[deleted] ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 14:25:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The person you could've been...
lostmonkey70 ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 17:06:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why are they in a box?
ClassySavage ยท 127 points ยท Posted at 17:41:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right? Seems like they made some pretty shit life decisions if they ended up in a box on my doorstep.
ChemicalArsonist ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:59:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...so i could have been harry potter?
But instead im mr dursley :'(
Genesis09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My sides!
PalestinianPlverizer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MY LEG
ClassySavage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MY CABBAGES!
2ero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A big box... like a coffin...
Petemarsh54 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:08:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're dead
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:58:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be relieved. Sure, my life may be pretty mediocre compared to his, but at least I still have mine. Suck it, dead me!
NedryOS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because you murdered them with your lazy, procrastinating ways.
ArsenoPyrite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because you had a chance to be an immortal vampire and you screwed it up.
ClassiestBondGirl311 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:15:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would fuck with me the most.
DrProv ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:44:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Love letters from the person you could have been with, mentioning something small you could have done to win them over
csl512 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That requires an egg and a woman.
Imperium_Dragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is it worse or better me?
snark_city ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i don't think i'd like that guy. his self-discipline, meaningful achievements, and lack of pretentiousness would be insufferable.
jmanpc ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 16:53:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AIDS bees.
Youve_got_aids ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:34:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AIDS bees seas dees Es effs geez?
ZombieSnake ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:50:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That'll do it.
RTHREEB ยท 143 points ยท Posted at 14:44:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A sticky note that says "People only tolerate you."
Fuck, it'd wreck me. Thanks anxiety. :/
_josepi_ ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 17:18:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hi. A guy with anxiety here. I'm sure you hear it a lot, but stop putting value in the opinions of others. Do what you want, for you, and your benefit. Others should always come second to...you.
GGoldstein ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:27:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. I needed to hear this. My girlfriend always comes second.
ChemicalArsonist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:07:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But be careful when establishing the mindset that preople come second to you. Thats how you become a psychopath...and its pretty difficult to come back from...
Source: had social anxiety issues. Had.
J4Seriously ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
Spinark1677 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean that's easy to say but it's hard to practice I guess. Like if you were really able to think like that I feel like that'd be really lonely. Then again with anxiety I feel lonely so it's the same result either way ยฏ_(ใ)_/ยฏ
astroskag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:03:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not trying to be shitty, I'm actually trying to be encouraging - a level of "tolerating" is present in pretty much any human relationship. Nobody's perfect, so at some point, everyone you care about was just putting up with you - because they care about you. Putting up with someone is a sign of genuine affection - it's saying "it's important enough to have this person in my life that I will deal with them when they get on my nerves". In return, you tolerate their faults, because they're important people to you in spite of their flaws. So sometimes people are only tolerating you. But if they're still around it's because they think you're pretty cool the rest of the time.
RTHREEB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh gosh I know! I'm sorry if I came across that way! :(
astroskag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tolerate it.
RTHREEB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. That was a good one! :)
vanFail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm someone that does not have to endure anxiety.
I still get uneasy when I think what other people think about me.
fireduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want to make a line of anti-helpful fortune cookies. The trick would be to make them almost sound positive.
"Have many friends, the people who like you don't know you very well"
EyeOfSol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This hit me hard. High School sucks thanks to anxiety.
eldritchkraken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I had seen something like that before I started anxiety meds I probably would have shut myself in my bedroom and never come out again.
C477um04 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You wouldn't worry about what people thought of you if you realised how seldom they do.
Fr33_Lax ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:13:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just remember most people have no fucking idea what they are doing and are too stupid realize otherwise.
BeliefInAll ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 14:59:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We only tolerate you
RTHREEB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, Reddit doesn't like Trans people, so I'll take it lol.
T3C_Illuzion ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think most people care if you don't shove it in our face.
I don't mind if you don't think the same as your body does, but people who go around making sure everyone knows it are the worst.
BeliefInAll ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:48:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'M TRANS I WAS A BOY NOW I'M A GIRL. MY 7TH TREATMENT WILL SHOCK YOU
ChemicalArsonist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is your 7th treatment electrotherapy?
jizzinmyeye ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 14:24:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://media0.giphy.com/media/LAhPbwzAsWzKw/200w_d.gif
Animagi27 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 14:51:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Killing me won't bring back your honey!
cogsandspigots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:40 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You missed the best part. Killing me won't bring back your GODDAMN HONEY!
Aminstro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's this a gif for bees?
maddisonfatkins ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 14:24:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's in the box?
maddisonfatkins ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 14:25:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's in the box?!
๐๏ธ ihlaking ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:28:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box! The box!
JayLaw84 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 14:31:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Fox in the Box wearing tiny yellow socks!
FredWampy ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:40:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Putting a pox on the cocks of some dudes eating lox.
boyuber ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:52:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And some clocks that deliver shocks with their ticks and their tocks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:29 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rocks.
wunkadurgenfaceball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On his cocks.
FPSXpert ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:36:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's in the fucking box?!?
I_AM_ICEFROG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
cum
schatzski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box that rocks!
3226 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:16:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gyneth Paltrow's head, which ruins your life by permanently following you about talking about concious uncoupling and being massively pretentious.
jamie99474 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alice Cooper
NewsiesOnAMission ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose this makes me 'envy'.
Go ahead.
Become 'wrath'.
BonGonjador ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NOTHIIIIING!!!!!
ABSOLUTELY NOTHIIIIING!!!!!
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:42:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another box saying the same thing and inside that box another box it would drive me crazy after a while and ruin my life
Ted_Denslow ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 14:45:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
TheStorMan ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 17:20:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only thing worse than a dead baby is a live one.
F_Klyka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:28:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Inside a dead one!
Arthur_Dent_42_121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
Aqwez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:11:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wwwwhjw
sega31098 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You could just drop him or her off at an orphanage or something.
Ted_Denslow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, that would still ruin my day
Morally_correct ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 15:16:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely the cum box
mikealwy ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 16:05:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why? Just why did you have to bring this up?
kaos_tao ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:55:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because you are on the Internet.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:08:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this would be the top answer.
coolcoconut123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's wouldn't be the same without it
hugglesthemerciless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey at least his arms aren't broken
I_EAT_GUSHERS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Should we bring up Colby next?
microwave_safe_bowl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:43:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ehhh, I feel like you'd be able so smell it before you opened the original box. Say what you will, but every man on planet earth knows the smell of month old dried cum. That fire-retardant, Teflon coated, waterproof sock in your closet when you were 13? Yeah, that smell. Now, multiply by a billion and add on a life giving fire on top of it with more cum and sprouting mushrooms. You'd smell that and be like "meh, I'm out but I can think of a few people to re gift it to"
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:24:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well it did scar a lot of people.
Seba553 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:59:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thought we agreed not to bring it up anymore?
prostateExamination ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No one agrees to anything here
Crail31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just knew this had to be here.
Louis83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And the person who handled it to you suddenly shlumps your face right into it.
OctagonalHumanist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was really hoping the top comment would be "cum" and I was sorely disappointed
fireork12 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:19:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So a box in a box?
Addicted_To_Spanking ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 14:33:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A huge black dildo. goodbye social life
Seba553 ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 16:00:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP said ruin your life, not your ass.
rileyrulesu ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:10:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think he is saying he would be fucking himself so much, that he would completely ruin his asshole, and thus his social life, since his only acquaintances are the gay men that buttfuck him.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:44:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my sweet child, when will you learn that your life is your ass?
microwave_safe_bowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
rekt
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They don't have to be mutually exclusive.
PM_UR_PEGGING_PICS ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:25:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you have no self control at all? I have a big black dildo (okay, several) and it hasn't hurt my social life.
MadGoalie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
THE_Black_Delegation ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:05:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can always have the real thing...hell bring a friend. :)
tsunami845 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 15:07:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A painting of a very aged and decrepit me.
mightymouse513 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:19:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I found Dorian Gray!
tsunami845 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:19:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey look someone got it
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:36:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
.... So basically mirror?
sourc3original ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 15:31:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax.
SquaredUp2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:34:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer Megadeth.
overbread ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 14:41:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A life-ruining-machine
F_Klyka ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:26:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It should have been obvious.
2ero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The internet?
From_My_Brain ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:07:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Children.
Sultan_of_Sass ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:23:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby
damnedifyoudo_throw ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:30:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pregnancy
leafsfan6 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:32:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test yikes
Farmboy76 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:37:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Positive pregnancy test
CokeAddictABC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Happy Cakeday
tayrannosaurusrex ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:40:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby. But not just any baby. My baby..so, you know, I can't just say it isn't mine and skip town.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:56:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another kid.
sheepbassmasta ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:07:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
Legionx37 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:03:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the answer is obvious...
Bee-spiders. Thousands of genetically combined bee-spiders.
ihateusernames1029 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:07:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Preston Garvey
Imperium_Dragon ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:32:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh, thanks for opening the box. But it seems a settlement is in need of your help. Here, I'll mark it on your map."
KeeperofTerris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...okay
ArgentStonecutter ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:27:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holodeck generator.
dancing-greg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:44:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A key, with no further information.
HeinrichLK ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:19:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test.
Toogoodtotroll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:25:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Where you only made love with condoms with your wife...
HeinrichLK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:54:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...and she's on the pill...
BlackCombos ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:56:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
6,000 tabs of LSD
a half lb of cocaine
a lb of ketamine
an eighth lb of heroin
$85,000
By the time I was through with all that my life would be in shambles.
Starshitlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sell all things, profit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:47:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And a tracking device - how shit would that be!
You better pray Ashton Kutcher jumps out of your bushes.
robraises ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:02:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Baby with positive paternity test
Khourieat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:12:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More kids.
(it's okay, the box had breathing holes in it)
joehoul ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:22:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My biological child
Hentacle-Tentai ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:33:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's babies in it.
suckersponge ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:34:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test.
zephyrosity ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:37:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
Cthulhu_Cuddler ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:39:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby... Still alive obviously....though a dead one would be slightly less inconvenient.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:43:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Power up: Mind Reader
Boatsnbuds ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:46:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An OxyContin prescription.
Youve_got_aids ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Xanax prescription could also do the job.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:57:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not opening that box.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:33:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Schroedinger would be proud of you.
phearlez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:45:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
as well as not proud.
chief_dirtypants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who cares about that sick cat abuser.
ChemicalArsonist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasnt it all theoretical...?
Besides, i heard cats love boxes.
chief_dirtypants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm trying to plant some seeds of doubt around, and then maybe in a week or so I'll do a TIL about how Schrodinger hated cats and would kill them regularly with a variety of atomic contraptions.
chumbalumba ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:07:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a thick, hang-in-your-lungs, pea and ham soup viscosity level dog fart that never goes away.
flatsixfanatic ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:24:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why the fuck would I open a box that said that?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Because you're a cat.
ZomNomNomBeeZ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:42:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No idea, I burn that mother fucker and bury the ashes deep.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:30:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An embarrassing snapshot of me at the Christmas party.
Last_Man18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I came here for this EXACT comment
ColonelSanders_1930 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:03:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bees
zleek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:59:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not the bees!
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:43:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Toogoodtotroll ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:26:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Either you have a Brad Pitt fetishism or I don't understand this.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:32:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is that a se7en reference?
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:35:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:37:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What did she ever do to you pal?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:10:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He probably paid to see The Tourist in cinema.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup that explains it.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 14:34:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I open The box and inside is a mirror. Strangely I already knew what I would find before I opened the box...
iamnotapotato8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:08:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the cum box.
TinFoilWizardHat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:47:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A really big medical bill.
DrGabooboo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:13:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test from my ex
UndividedDiversity ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:40:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror :(
Devosity28 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:47:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring
kernunnos77 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:57:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bedbugs
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:08:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A list of all the bad things that happen because I exist. Simple actions and words spoken (or unsaid) that have far reaching consequences. Even more direct actions like "didn't give homeless guy money, he starved to death." It would be a reverse It's a Wonderful Life situation.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:09:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lifetime supply of frozen reeses peanut butter cups
caenglish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Diabeetusville, here I come!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:30:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck opening it! Who am I, Pandora?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:30:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wedding ring.
Sancho_Villa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:39:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My children
CokeAddictABC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:40:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The condom breaking
chineasy_rider ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:41:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
weirdfish42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:42:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A paternity test from my insane ex.
empyreandreams ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:44:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:49:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
garedabear ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:30:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Embarrassing photos of me at the Christmas party
majorbagel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:32:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A piece of string,and when the string is pulled a secret compartment is revealed.inside that secret compartment is an embarrassing picture of me at the christmas party.
McZerky ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:53:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A kid.
AUserNamedWaffle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:48:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A list of every wrong decision I've ever made. Every time I've fucked up, said or done something wrong. This makes me too aware of every decision I make, so I stop making decisions entirely.
jalapenopopper1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:18:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
drewyz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:32:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby
_Face ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:50:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test.
voiceofnonreason ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:31:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Brendan Fraser movie box set.
dublbagn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:12:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
just a slip of paper, listed on it is everything you could have been if you put your mind to it.
theopticalsquid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:36:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A box full of all the negative things everyone has said about you ever.
whatisthisidontevenf ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:46:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My penis
whatisthisidontevenf ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 14:47:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: It is empty
MaybeImJustTired ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's only one teeny-tiny paper with a safe combination
AdrimFayn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MY PENIS HAS ESCAPED
Lemerney2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
hi theon.
LG-45 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:21:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A brand new Macbook with Reddit set as the default homepage
Toogoodtotroll ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 15:16:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man, do not say that word on Reddit, it attracts them... The others... and make them really angry
kotkaiser ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:21:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/Macbookmasterrace
Mranze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MY SOUL IS WRITHING WITH PURE FURY AT YOUR BLASPHEMY
PM_UR_PEGGING_PICS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:31:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY.
๐๏ธ ihlaking ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:28:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't you mean enhance your life?
LG-45 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:36:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, why do important stuff that will get you somewhere in life when you can browse Reddit. (I'm extremely procrastinating right now)
arcanascu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey it's been 3 hours. If you haven't started already, you should try to do like 10 minutes of work just to get the ball rolling.
Yoshi_IX ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:20:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would instantly break that, on purpose
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:59:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Yoshi_IX ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:09:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And let a functioning MacBook exist?!
AnAwesomeMiner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this guy deserves gold
Glorthiar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
well your'e a dipshit so...
FredFnord ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:04:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm writing this on a Macbook, but... if you're going to call someone a dipshit you should at least learn where the fucking apostrophes go.
DNAtaurine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:54:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, why the hell would I open it and find out?
RandyJackson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:00:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My real thoughts
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... Being broadcasted to anyone near you.
Lobster-Nipples ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:02:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My comment history
Whygoogleissexist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:55:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Zika virus
snark_city ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
don't be a baby.
Dexaan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All the troubles of the world, and hope.
experts_never_lie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:38:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't hope and also all the troubles of the world. It was all the evils of the world โ of which Elpis/Hope/Expectation was a member. Hope and Expectation can mess you up worse than a lot of bad things.
kmurrpiggy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:59:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist it's a million dollars
prolixdreams ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:15:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My university diploma
slipperylips ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
with your student loan agreements stapled to it.
Jason_Anaminus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:23:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Krokodil.
Reyaweks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Irrefutable evidence of all my internet history.
jxnfpm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:03:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The world's most addictive freemium game.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:06:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note saying my internet history has been made public.
elkor101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the has already happened in Rick and Morty
kyle1867 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everything ive ever browsed in incognito mode.
N2ition ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why in the fuck would I open it? I would just throw it away!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:44:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The head of Detective Mill's wife. Damn you John Doe.
Ickypahay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:44:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Porn
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:49:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cancer report ?
EngiDaBoss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pedo porn
elsuperj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not wrong. Especially if the box was rigged to alert the FBI when opened.
TKSPAMM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A card that entitles free food from any fast food restaurant.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The live feed showing my entire life has actually been broadcast to the public, that I was just navigating through an intricately devised web of deceit by actors and actresses in a Truman show sort of way. Everything from the embarassing web searches to the cringe worthy awkward moments weren't real, and the people who "love me" are just paid more than the ones who simply interact with me. That would just about do it lol
kinda_clever ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My browser history. Its all fun and games until all of my Icelandic lesbian tentacle scat porn comes to light.
BobisBadAss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A phone that's ringing. The version of me that made better choices is calling.
Gasonfires ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Unlimited money.
phearlez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:39:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope.
SayceGards ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An infant that I'm solely responsible for
Dusk_Walker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A list of every negative thing said about me.
It would destroy my self confidence, self image would be wrecked, and I'd probably drink myself to death within a week.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really? I'd probably go exact revenge on a few people and then get over it. lol
vizzmay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:20:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A detailed plan on how to live my life with every possible scenario mapped out with final results. Every possible scenario, including me choosing to ignore the contents.
Every possible choice taken away from me.
BabyBoopTroop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a smart phone
PraiseCaine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:40:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of "What could have beens" probably.
Ground15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sell the box, someone collecting odd stuff would definitely take it.
Luposetscientia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's my dick in a box!
FengaPappit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A false rape accusation
Dougdahead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't know. Not gonna open it.
Trondiver247 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:30:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit
Nash_Rambler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:31:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring.
arrogant_ambassador ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A tiny version of you from the future, sent to deliver one desperate message - "Look out behind you!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I already read that 'Pandora' legend. I know better than to open it. Encase it in steel reinforced concrete, take it way out into the sea in a boat, and drop it in.
ricdesi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No idea. I never open it.
NovaFire14 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:09:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It was an anagram. They actually meant, Warning: contents will urine fury oil. Inside was a strange sight to behold.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:16:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Death.
Nosiege ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, it'd imply your life is already ruined, and opening the box merely makes you aware of what in particular has ruined it.
LibertarianContinuum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:31:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's Tammy. She ruined birdman's life pretty well.
SH4Z4M ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin' fish memes
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Methamphetamine
Fap_University ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:09:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OxyContin
stoinkfield ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:20:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
one marijuana
sb120985 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:30:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why should I open Pandora's Box?
1lyke1africa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:45:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A single phrase written on a piece of crisp white paper: "The game".
cordellman45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
John Cena
Homunculus_Hunk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
POCKET SAND!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note reading "The only thing standing between you and your dreams is the fact that the person having them is you." taped to a small, square mirror.
backup158 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
www.reddit.com
nanoson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:21:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Surprised to have not seen this yet; a half of some premium H, along with some fresh rigs, a bottle of water, a carton of Newports, and some Hifi headphones.
Although that would end my life, more so than ruin it.
PM_me_your_sexypix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:22:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A beautiful sexy woman with crazy eyes.
GordionKnot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't matter. I sure as hell ain't opening that box
darngooddogs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:28:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth. I would have a hard time not doing it, and that would start lots of trouble for me.
AaronTheAlright ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:54:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who the hell would open that?
Seasp0nges ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:55:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin
dlama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a mirror
Drunkexmormon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:09:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mormonism.
kamapuaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test.
NoRegrets78 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Positive pregnancy test.
VienLuna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:50:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test.
RottenAuGratin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My lost shaker of salt...filled with pepper
MyDamnBlog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why on earth would I open that box?
PT4LIFE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test.
JavlinX ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:29:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
_DOA_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:51:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would I open that?
FridgeFather ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:54:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
John_Fx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will never know
Skream1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Polaroids and flash drives of random men with their peepees in you mouth while you sleep. With your parents and siblings collecting admission fee's and selling merchandise as a line stretches out your front door. You find 7 years worth of records.
Slaermpthon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Duh. A baby.
helmutkr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A single jump drive containing footage of every conversation I've had with the opposite sex.
mynameisblisters ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Official medical documents confirming all my loved ones have a terminal illness. My son, my husband, my sister, my nephew, my cat, even my best friend, all on death's doorstep. My worst fear is inches from coming true. I'm going to be totally alone in the world.
I'd lose my fucking mind right then and there.
SeleneVomerSV ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:40:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
get_real666 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:43:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
goofball18 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:40:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dank memes
ph33randloathing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:51:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spoilers for your life that cannot be changed due to advance warning.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:10:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
Captainj0nes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Embarrasing pictures of SpongeBob at the Christmas party
wunkadurgenfaceball ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:20:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, your college acceptance has been revoked due to missing our senior year GPA requirement by 1 point.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:21:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
FUSROaww ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Amen brother!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:27:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Deadly viruses.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...and a useless anti virus. Nothing kills more than a lil hope my friend.
chateau86 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:45:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
UncertainAnswer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't the anthrax bad enough?
preszaphodbeeblebrox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fully radioactive uranium.
lordmycal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The twist here is that they don't even need to open the box -- just being near it is enough to kill them.
redtrx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:25:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A list of all the cocks your mother sucked.
Rob1150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why's Uncle Bill on this list?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:49:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a 4chan account
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or even worse, an 8chan account.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HolyFridge ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
top fucking kek accounts dont exist you fucktard
itz4mna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't listen to this idiot, my post requires a 4chan gold account to view.
ButItsOppositeDay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:13:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gwyneth Paltrow's head
TheLatestTrance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:44:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bible
That_Ohio_Guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bad credit
mikealwy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The perfect video game
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been playing this game called "real life" lately. It's pretty challenging but it's fun once you get some power ups like alcohol and weed.
psi567 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's great unless you have the level 3 anxiety and paranoia statuses.
CurrisCore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?
ask_me_about_kirby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A murder accusation and a jury that hates me.
MoonshineExpress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My own penis.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...served as a nice dish.
Tsquare43 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of my ex, and a note that she has been stalking me for years
Usurem8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A crazy ex girlfriend.
I would probably open it too, thinking it a baby elephant was trapped inside.
zerbey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note stating my encryption keys have been released to the public. It would be disastrous in so many ways.
Muffinizer1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My self esteem
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:36:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
... So basically an empty box?
KyloRad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Supersoaker 350 with dioxin and di-methyl-mercury charged and ready to shoot you in the face upon opening.
You di.
ikkonoishi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror.
mattreyu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb. That would definitely ruin my life.
Frunzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Free lifelong subscription to World of Warcraft.
Wernerker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another box
King_Kill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Justin Bieber
Nocsiv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wasp Hive, im allergic
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All of my hobbies.
sassosaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chlorine gas. Ah Bollocks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
sevenstorms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TIFU...
shoopdahoop22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plot Twist: The box is actually the Ark of the Covenant
rottinguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
functional brain
-eDgAR- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tequila. Nights when I drink tequila always end badly, so I try to avoid it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This post
butwhatsmyname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents with the great news that they need me to move back home and never be happy ever again.
thasquidkid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In the box: green eggs and ham with a fox
Nameless_Archon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Incurable Trigeminal Neuralgia.
GeneralMotors4lyfe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tammy 1 and Tammy 2
SylvasTheCat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A spider :/
Glejow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ebola.
PotatoMushroomSoup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box must have broke beacuse everything got out about 18 years ago
nrk5014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A never-ending list of AskReddit threads. I just can't. stop. myself.
aeisenst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lifetime subscription to WOW
NickPage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin
nhnolan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The fire nation
h83r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
magicflightlb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Parents sex tape
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A black hole
heliumspoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bees!!!
poopellar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The ring.
Pachec0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex wife
ChromelxD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A list of lies that people told me. It'll kill me mentally.
AppleJuiceMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My abusive ex boyfriend
I_HateYouAll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably ebola
WhitneysMiltankOP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably wasps. Big wasps. And lots of them. and some device which throws jelly onto my face the second I open it.
Letitporn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring
rusty_L_shackleford ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth. Lots and lots of meth.
Ninja07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My college bills
Xenomemphate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror.
the_caitallo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TvTropes.org
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A never ending supply of hostess treats, weed and enough money for rent, internet, videogames and delivery food. I would never leave my apartment again and eventually become a 700 lbs man that melded with a recliner.
iceman514 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tammy
VendettaCS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A gun saying and a note saying, "You already know what to do."
dickhole-papercut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb.
fettsvett201 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing
Bradacook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth
Robobot1747 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How should I know? I'm not opening that.
boyuber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paternity test results indicating that I'm not the father of my children.
Or, better yet, an invite to be a guest on the Maury Povich show.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The answer to life,universe AND EVERYTHING!. the knowledge will drive you insane.
lykwdyfunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You had to slaughter 20 hack wannabe super villians to get to the room. They were pathetic and no match for you. They knew it, but the needed the cash. You killed them mercilessly.
The box contains the evidence showing that all 20 were your bastard children. Also,..you are Wolverine.
TheAmazingSky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An unfathomable amount of money.
johndbz7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have a piece of wood that looks like a box even has a hinge. On it says "do not monkey around with the content of this box
kindahipster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Proof my boyfriend is cheating on me. I don't think he is, this is just the first time I've been happy in a very long time,and we've slowly built a life together, and that would ruin everything.
defcon_clown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try, Zeus.
UncleCoyote ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Polaroid after polaroid of my mother doing every type of porn you can think of, the top most picture being the most graphic, close up, and in HD so that it could perfectly sear into my brain forever.
Rob1150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's awfuilly specific.
UncleCoyote ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:12:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well...yeah? I mean, if something vague or generic ruins your life, you're kind of a mess in the first place, right?
HyperComa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A credit card. Doesn't matter the limit. Once you open that first credit card account, it's a slippery slope of debt management for the rest of your life. Fewer things cause Americans as much anxiety, frustration, and heartache as financial worries and credit cards play a HUGE role.
The_Realest_T-Man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex
The_Realest_T-Man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother
The_Realest_T-Man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My love life
mikealwy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A red and blue pill
SKNE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A piece of paper with "IOU" scribbled on it.. who got into MY life ruining box?
bill4935 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A smaller wooden box with an inscription: "Warning: contents will ruin your life".
TheHundredAcreWoody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously? Probably pics of my now-wife with old boyfriends (possibly in compromising positions). Since this would've been the late-nineties, it means that she would've been comfortable with that before it was super easy to accomplish. I would be crushed. You can say that makes me insecure with relationship but it is an honest answer. She would feel the same, I think. We make each other happy now which is what matters but the heart is an odd beast.
Uncannierlink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror
rmmmmmmm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A DNA test saying my two sons are not mine.
RounderKatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The exact time and date, but not nature of my death.
Ashley777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, I wouldn't open it.
liarandathief ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The date of your death handwritten on a piece of paper in your own handwriting.
Shadymoogle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brad pitt inside it, holding a box with the exact same thing inside it.
Creme_de_la_cream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A black hole.
GeekusMaxmius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax!
banfromallsubreddits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother in law.
Jaxhunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The key(s) to and title for a supercar. Doesn't matter which one.
Scrappy_Larue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The springy snake joke with anthrax on it.
BullShifts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Witcher 3. Please send help
blandrice123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, I'm not opening that shit.
Zoythrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A strip of paper that says "www.tvtropes.org"
spoon2bigg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My evil twin brother.
IRAn00b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A smartphone with unlimited data and a reddit app opened.
TromboneTank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your parents sex tape
HOLT-BOULEVARD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Papers that reveal ancient secrets
gomsa2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My head...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test, a positive HIV test, a letter from the person i love that says that he doesn't want to see me anymore because he hates me....
FakUYoloSweg69Pls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
True love
JaggerManJensen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb
OhHiGCHQ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A message notification sending my web history from when I first started using the web to today, along with any compromising photos that exist of me.
bitNine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth
xRealNinjuzx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A boats a boat, but the mystery box could be anything! It could even be a boat!
Nethervex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Avatar the Last Air Bender on dvd.
klousGT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would I open such a box? I would throw that in a fire.
Turral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reddit only device
jicty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. My life is already a ruined mess.
borovandal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin
UrDirtyMind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TOOOLS!!!! I GOT TO HAVE MY TOOOLS!!! FETISH SHIT YOU KNOW... I LIKE TO BEEEEE BOUND!
hopelessromeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
video of parents having sex on the night they conceived me.
PropagationNation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you want to see a video of your semi-concious mother on her hands and knees in the back of a rusty Pinto behind the gym their senior year while the mascot jerks one out lookin in the windows?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
PropagationNation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Youre about to April keep on truckin
Compley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Zonk. Should have chosen door #2.
ILoveScienceStuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ricin and a picture of my wife having sex with thirty men and the spoilers for every movie I want to see.
spookychan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a secret compartment containing an embarrassing picture of me at a Christmas party
bagakoos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A memento from Cincinnati....although were not supposed to talk about it...
StuffSmith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rejection letters from all the grad schools I applied to.
garcicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of your grand parents old, naked, and wrinkly.
Xavion_Zenovka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a picture of a guy named will at a ruin burning the word life on a napkin
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
dickbutt.
serenerdy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My bachelor of Arts degree. In Child Studies. With a Psyc minor.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of my dad at the Mayan ruins wearing his cheekiest of smiles.
Nikoli_Delphinki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sour milk. I assume it wants to ruin my cereal.
Rariity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A print out of the contents of my hidden pronz folder
Ghostspider1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex gf
therealwoodman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my ex-girlfriends current phone number
AlexaGxo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My GPA.
ngoline ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not opening!
Supergeemeister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The red pill
Worksafe72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Divorce papers.
ZealousGhost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My student loan debt.
dasbiggin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of my ex's ultrasound. I'd have to change my name.
Luigic171 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thousands of blood thirsty aids infected mosquito's
Rob1150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
mosquito's what?
petracca-marie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"What's in the box?!
TheHeroHartmut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MtG cards. Worked on my brother.
Rayman73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb... 1 second left on the timer.
Fockthefreys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The day I will die
McSeagull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably like the physical manifestation of indecision/regret/something to that effect.
diz4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gwenyth Paltrow's head.
J/K. It's my ex.
Mccmangus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
GLITTER BOMB!
youarentwhatyoupoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my ex-wife tammy, she's a grade a bitch
MagicSPA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A transcript of everything that was ever said about me behind my back.
MpVpRb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Uh..I don't open it
Bohrdog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's death certificate. It would ruin and end my life as I know it. What comes after wouldn't really be called living.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An angry honey badger.
flutterguy123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pictures from the christmas party.
Ziak63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just a web address scribbled on a piece of paper.
Reddit.com
Basedloventrees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mine would just be that box of coke scarface had
eveniency ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All my life choices thus far
Rob1150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope. Then it escapes.
JorensM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit.
RIPBenny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad
ZombieAlpacaLips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I cover up the inscription with my hand and open the box toward someone else, will it ruin their life? Because that would be awesome.
komiroya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Student loans.
WrightandScribblers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another, smaller box.
DonBeech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something that's gonna ruin ur life?
ShadowBasic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's this?!
A plain wooden box woefully underpopulated by bees.
Some bees should put a stop to that!
blindbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That embarrassing photo of Spongebob from last years Christmas party!
chiguayante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A handgun.
TheBoerworsMonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A winning lottery ticket.
Dabugar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A financial statement saying I owe more money than I'll ever be able to pay back in my life time.
Rob1855 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring.
Hailbacchus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex
wilbla5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A kilo of heroin. I will then proceed to ruin my life.
PotterSauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents heads.
ItsMeTK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You presume I open it. Some of us aren't Pandora and can restrain ourselves.
Or we at least get it X-rayed.
Jchud002 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Wedding Ring.
dressre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Carbs. Beautiful, beautiful carbs.
DieWalkure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All the money and fame in the world. (Figuratively)
jfoust2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit home page?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Licorice
Spanky_McJiggles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A naked picture of OP's mom
smutsmutsmut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother.
Seouls_Synergy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Opening that cumbox.
JT_5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Drugs, most definitely drugs...
Li0nhead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A holographic projection of your conception and the starting with your parents foreplay.
Krltplps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note that says "The new season of Twin Peaks is going to suck."
I.....really like that show.
sevendeuce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
About a kilo of fresh columbian bam bam aka cocaine
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
immortality.
Hella__gay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note saying "Thank you ;) -Pandora".
ReGuCL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Tablet with a live video broadcasting of me opening the box and in PDF the scripts for the last 27 years of my life.
dashieHD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your middle school yearbook.
EthanAllenHawley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a lot of drugs. I have a pretty addictive personality and both of my brothers have had addiction problems. I'm pretty sure if I had a box full of drugs i'd talk myself into just trying it. Then in a week i'd be living on the streets blowing guys for some heroin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In my world it would be a box filled with klonopin. So high, yet so tired, but so high.
PurpleDotExe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
See here.
Penguin_Out_Of_A_Zoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A spooky scary skeleton. You will be forever spooked, and never have good calcium again.
flyingfishstick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Addiction.
BallsOfTomSelleck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth that looks like Flaming Hot Cheetos.
MindlessSpark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A huge chunk of plutonium. Shortens your life and makes the remaining time you have very unpleasant.
Flowork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The internet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbyYGrswtg
Scottd626 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The book of you. Said book describes everything that is going to happen in your life and the outcome is impossible to change. Takes the fun out of everything.
Evilzebra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is the box air-tight? Some sort of nasty airborne disease?
mariam67 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I sure as hell wouldn't open it if I truly believed the contents would ruin my life. I'm cautious.
Bountyhunter227 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Worst case anthrax, best case emberassing pictures that have already been seen by the public.
howdoireachthese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
pictures of my ex fucking my father
DeadKateAlley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dimethylmercury rigged to splash onto you when opening the box.
NayrMar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cheese pizza
Butterbean6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably something like this.
Myriad_Infinity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A gun that shoots into your face, permanently blinding you and cutting your nervous system, preventing you from saying or doing anything except blinking and breathing.
Mermaidaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My student loan bills
Bond4141 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Grenade. Pin was tied to the lid...
sbhikes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A big white cockatoo.
Electroguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife.
key_z ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Methamphetamine
ThatNicktownLife1992 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably opium.
rthanu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DNA evidence that none of my kids are actually mine.
Squackety ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I open it to find a disc of half life 3. A BROKEN DISK
LastoftheFucksIGive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've been in the US as an "illegal alien" for most of my life and only just recently acquired a visa so I can't legally be deported. I have absolutely no knowledge of how to live outside of the US. My entire life, family, friends are all in the states. So I guess for me, inside the box would be an official notice telling me that I'm being deported.
Ronkmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex
johannes101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spring loaded fire-spiders
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A letter stating that my university offer has been revoked. I just hope I get a complimentary noose with it.
a_mediocre_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you open the box that says "Warning: contents will ruin your life"?
Seems like that's one you should just walk away from.
redisforever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spiders. Lots and lots of them.
DaVirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Future, space-age grade Heroin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think it would have to be something physically damaging. Like a monkey with s loaded gun.
GoToCollegeTheySaid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin/fentanyl
YotaYard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A link to Reddit.
K-Sir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note that says, "I want you back, leave your wife and come be with me" and a plane ticket to either Amsterdam or Dubai (doesn't matter which).
Progman3K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-wife
Chodebomb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Both of my parents death certificates
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A ticking bomb with 1 second before it explodes.
adarksky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crippling anxiety.
UNBR34K4BL3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
world of warcraft
ovaltine_spice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Madeleine McCann
DrumThunderSweet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the case from pulp fiction
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something like a letter from a past relationship about how if I just did one thing different it would have worked out.
I'd beat myself up about that shit for another 15 years at least.
Filteredgmr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-girlfriend.
darkdreamr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Positive pregnancy test from the worst girlfriend you've ever had
Wh0rse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The date i will die.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It shows you the moment of your death.
Tidehollow_Scooper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Undiagnosed ADHD
adudeguyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My beating heart
FinchDuckGo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A few pounds of C4 connected to a 3 second timer that was set to start upon opening the box
lobsterbreakfast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wife's head
I'm so sorry Morgan freeman
McCheesing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Porn
dssx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BEEEEESSS!!!!
AWebDeveloper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note saying "You're going back to school."
FlairoftheFlame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A postive pregnancy test and a newspaper saying abortion is now illegal
j33pman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ex wife
lunarman52 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb with the counter on two seconds
mulduvar2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My own head.
Velkyn01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A slightly smaller box, fitting perfectly within the original one, with the same message. When you open it, you find another slightly smaller box. This continues downward. You waste away becoming a madman trying to figure out when it ends, only to eventually realize it doesn't.
fizzy_fuzzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ebola. Seems like nothing is there and then you're screwed.
Kh444n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my life is already ruined so i dunno whats in the box
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A glitter bomb
hiccamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a ring
ragenFOX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
crystal fucking meth
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A claymore
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
an unexpected baby
TitaniumBranium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex wife.
Safraninflare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i'm disappointed that the top answer wasn't semen
TheDFGSpot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Inb4 "My ex's ___"
ShiftFor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MattyBRaps
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
meth, not even once.
Totalrecluse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lit dynamite, I suppose. Would definitely ruin my day!
michi03 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Picture of a vagina
Petemarsh54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My own head, I'd then drop dead
professional_stoner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pound of cocaine.
g0kartmozart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
AugustWombat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would I open the box?
Renmauzuo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
Triquetra4715 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A video of me having sex.
I never ever want to experience me having sex without the obscuring haze of being in the moment. Because I'm sure I look like an uncooked blob of biscuit dough absorbing some poor woman.
Jamesiemoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
GLITTER. ALL THE GLITTER.
Doogie_Howitzer_WMD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hello! Ma baby! ย Hello! Ma honey! ย Hello! Ma ragtime gal!
Earthen-Cyborg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of me from the future, with a note describing my place in life at that point. revealing to me that no matter how hard I try I end up old and alone.
SpartanTv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
goddamn centipedes
G0RG0TR0N ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try /u/ihlaking...no way I'm opening that box.
SoCo_cpp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can Hillary fit in the box?
nimbusdimbus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's you, as an older dead person, shipped back in a coffin from the future as a warning to not bet on Super Bowl 60, or the Chinese Mafia will kill you. Yet, by not voting on that superbowl you continue to live a life of destitution and meaningless sex...
So, what do you do?
Rozkol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hillary Clinton's sextape.
FarSightXR-20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby and a paternity test.
Koolaidolio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test.
V29A15A16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Divorce papers.
whatanicekitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom.
OutsideTheSilo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alien face hugger.
tralphaz43 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents
diMario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you
Jim Croce
catn00b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Potato
scarlet_overlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's pretty little head.
TaohRihze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is a trick question, do not open!
AnakinSkywalker_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Padme
Dpaterso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A credit card.
Tupnado21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's an app for your iphone that takes your life and turns into a ruin. Like Fat Booth. Except instead of an insurance salesman you are now a pile of rubble in the Fertile Crescent. Perhaps you are historically relevant. Or perhaps you were an outhouse for a shepherd along the Euphrates. The contents have ruined your life.
ARealRocknRolla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex girlfriend
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex.
pipawesome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wife.
traceyh415 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
heroin- well that is what ruined my life.
earl42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An enormous dildo. What? Oh, I thought it said Wife. My bad.
Jayfive5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A child
I_can_count_to_one_1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A gun pointed at me that is triggered when I open it.
hollander93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A marriage.
CrypticDiablo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My personality
Thallonoss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh god
CaliTheBunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My penis.
letmereply ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BEES
tcinternet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My penis
GarnetMonsoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My OCD.
Bytowneboy2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A magical token that made me straight. I don't know how I would cope with such a fundamental change to myself. It would have serious impacts on almost every relationship in my life.
Smilemaker2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An engagement ring
FreakCheese2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Endless college debts.
cuzman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A jar of ecstasy pills, an early copy of the division for Xbox one, and a 24 case of mountain dew.
evieee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Evidence that my husband is being unfaithful. He's my best friend so I don't know how I would even be able to handle something like that.
Tupperbaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolute happiness.
I-Know-What-I-Like ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My next girlfriend.
Muddygut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Plutonium.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex girlfriend. Of course, if she was in a wooden box, lots of things probably would have been better. Hrm.
doihavemakeanewword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An infinite number of new RCT2 scenarios.
77Zaxxonsynergy77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
burger_slut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex's phone number
ethanpo2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A new Valve release: MORE HATS FOR TF2
pepperonik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
MtG starter deck.
Tequila_Giraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sheesh taken right from a song
man-of-God-1023 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The body of Jesus :(
Boneronthetrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A small squirt of cyanide
BraveLilToaster42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test. I can not afford that right now but at this time in my life, it's hard to say "Nope."
70ms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-husband.
Good_Lord_Im_Drunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing that was in the box in The Raiders of the Lost Ark
EirikHavre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would I open it?
TuctDape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hornets. You should have paid attention to the 'H' on the side.
TheEroc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-wife.
mick-torious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of my Fiance that I am madly in love with.
amanstud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
cancer.
I_AYY_TO_LMAO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No "contents will ruin your life" notice is more effective than clickbait.
garysnailz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a positive pregnancy test
yomumsux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your mum.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All I'm seeing is that people would rather get the anthrax box, the plague, or Gwyneth Paltrow's head than have to raise a kid.
flamedarkfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note: "General, another settlement needs our help. I'll mark it on your map."
Zynro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keepsakes from all of the friends that have given me nothing but false promises or just ditched me altogether.
voidspaceforrent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The smutty fanfic I wrote in the eighth grade.
LordOfCinderGwyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WoW
jajorda2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Fucking job right now
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
lots of moldy, moldy jizz. yum
wwoodrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
World of Warcraft
falconfund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A six month World of Warcraft subscription. (and a mount)
Quietmerch64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Std test results
NocturnalToxin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. It says the contents will ruin my life. Will they ruin my life if they get out, or is just seeing whats in there ruin it? No idea what's inside, man, but I'm not opening that shit.
Rei_Areaaaaaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
METH
Bindingofmomrebirth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Personal time travel device.
darthmarth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vodka and my phone.
ArrowRobber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Say thank you, open the box, and tell whoever gave it to me 'shit man, this thing is full of bees' and then they would run away screaming because they're deathly allergic to bees.
tigerevoke4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like how it's assumed we will open the box. Pandora and all that shit.
I have hard time imagining anything in there that would ruin your life other than physical problems, like its secretly a Saw trap or something. A virus is the best thing I can think of, but that's still just physical.
Taryn1021 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/R1raY.jpg
Dukala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex
MrHaddad1213 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a laptop.
you open the laptop, and realize it's been set up to do one thing:
play League of Legends.
sally_hatchet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
dickspace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wasps.
forgotaboutgus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:11:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-wife.
YourPreferenceHere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My life in pictures, leading to the realisation of what I've become. Thanks life.
PsychoAgent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Note with the phrase Half-life 3 cancelled, signed by Gabe Newell.
cheeky_chimichanga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of the person's father and myself double teaming that person's mom.
bigpipes84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit and a very large supply of cocaine and adderall.
fluffytuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me? An Atari 2600.
Sethellonfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A board game covered in spoiled milk and a scratched copy of Martin Lawrence and Eddie Murphy's movie covered in crumbs. I never got to eat my cornbread :(
Berzerkur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dick.
jubelo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-wife.
CuttyAllgood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your first born child.
Pergatory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Steam keys for every game that'll be released in the next 10 years.
igetasticker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A food handler's license. You are now stuck working in restaurants the rest of your life.
Bigmurph762 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring
Volvoplznerf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A broken condom.
lordmycal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Opening the box releases ebola via an aerosol spray. Confetti also flies out of the box so that you don't notice right away that you've been exposed to something dangerous.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Schroedinger's Cat
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just kidding it's a joke y'all very kidding joking everyone
abigscaryhobo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A timer that reads for about 10 years from now and specifies the time of your death. After you spend the rest life preparing and enjoying what you have of it you gather around with loved ones and wait. The timer ends. But nothing happens. Youre still alive, you still have the rest of your life ahead of you! You celebrate and laugh and feel an immense weight off your shoulders. It was fake!
Then about a month later, you are making breakfast for your family when you hear a small crack and your lifeless body falls to the floor. Blood splattered all around you and a bullet hole in your temple that lines up perfectly with the new hole in the kitchen window.
AlpacaNeb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An embarrassing photo of spongebob at the Christmas party
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Smallpox?
grocket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The truth.
SakeBomberman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A copious amount of cocaine
whalepranks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cobras
rodgins13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a woman
YeastLords ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin. Lots and lots of top shelf heroin.
1nsaneMfB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A paternity test that shows my son isn't mine.
FrontierPsycho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A computer with EVE online, ready to run, paid for forever, and with a good tutorial.
Palakost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More debt...
LostInGA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A gremlin.
FizzboMonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:07 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Porn. And we've all literally got that box sitting in front of us right now.
-heathcliffe- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Holy grail, my eyes are open
Loki_cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Loads of spiders
teaching-man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A gram of coke.
SenorZapZap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth
PoopNoodle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A link to tvtropes.org
fillingthegap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A woman
obvioustroway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Magic Cards.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lifetime subscription to World of Warcraft. In case you were wondering, I don't play WoW.
Pascalwb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bomb.
RohdKill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Women...
topagae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The time and date of you and all your closest relation(s) deaths.
nintynineninjas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spring ejected aids needle?
Compressed mustard gas?
Dozens of killer bees?
A note that says my ex wife deserves happiness?
Z_Rated ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My own heart, i stare collapse as it stops beating.
Brother_Watchtower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Magic the Gathering booster box.
NaiveOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex.
Fiftyletters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The hearts of everyone I love
DrBrownman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bees
goofyapple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My soon to be ex-husband
TheWorldInsideMyHead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am in the box.
Morningred7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Capitalism.
DarthR3van ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your mind only has time to process the words;
"Face Towards Enemy"
before the ceiling is repainted in an exciting new colour called 'hint of brain'.
blaghart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A ring that gives you the Voice of God.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glitter bomb.
TheOtherMatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ants
Basher138 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An note telling when and how you will die
RemoveByFriction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
World of Warcraft trial account.
JeddHampton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would I open the box?
Pusimastur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The instrument use to attempt abortion on my young fetus self.
5maLLfry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
ImmaRoxiStar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The truth
angry_old_geezer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit
transabyss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Note cards containing everything negative anyone I have ever met has thought about me.
ananori ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A culture of ebola.
JackKieser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A sex tape of my girlfriend with someone else, and transcripts of text messages between her and someone else stating that she'd been dating someone else behind my back for months. I went through that once before with someone I was about to propose to, and the shock and depression nearly led me to end it. It took nearly 3 years of intense mental work to get past it and trust someone else with my heart, and I love her with everything I have to give. If I had to go through that again, I am 100% certain I'd successfully end it this time. I couldn't handle that pain a second time.
zornathan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I took a different approach. I just don't care.
JackKieser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm very happy that worked for you.
zornathan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I kinda feel like a perpetual shell of a man with limited emotional range. Nothing really gets to me deeply. At least I know others love me more than I love them and it gives me power in relationships I'm afraid to abuse.... ya, got that going for me.
willi_werkel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex gf.
deafpoet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A dead cat. Maybe? It's unclear.
Nodnarbius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably my marriage license. Worst decision I ever made.
lamerfat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Winning lottery ticket
FireEagleSix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My baby girl's dead body.
Kilo_G_looked_up ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cum.
Honey_B180 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pack of condoms with tiny holes in them
Bizlb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My life.
Sometimes_____ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A laptop, open to TVTropes.
ImSoISIRNRightNow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anti-Matter.
hotsauce540 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Comcast.
MaggotCorps999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A criminal record and 2 domestic relations cases.
Aellysse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another Box.
dontfeartheringo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Winning Lottery Ticket
Nudes of my hottest ex.
A Dalmatian puppy.
TemptedTemplar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bills :(
Aqwez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jxucj.
userofsoap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note reading: I've told them.
Varamkafe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
one marijuana.
IeetUrH8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Truth.
shot-in-the-mouth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box sucks you in and transports you back to the moment of your conception.
19742016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A piece of paper with your Death date and cause of death written on it.
skilliard4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An item that you desperately needed. Except you thought you were smart, and saw that since the contents would ruin your life, so you never opened. Then at the end of your life you open it out of curiosity, only to discover it was everything you ever wanted. Your life is now ruined by the fact that you never opened the box when you needed it most.
navystreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit Gold
CauliflowerDick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb
manawesome326 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Live tarantulas. That's all I can say.
Jantesviker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A plain wooden box with an inscription: "Warning: contents will ruin your life"
hailsatansmokemeth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of Heroin
TheoQ99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would say meth, but that's too easy.
A decapitated head with a note saying the cops are on the way.
spookyalli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tomatoes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pink slip.
What_a_nerd_Geez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dwarf fortress or chrono trigger
AlbertoRobert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why?
What_a_nerd_Geez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dwarf fortress and chronotrigger, def took a lot of time from friends and girls, lols.
I became quite pastey and white for a year there, ha ha.
rjm1775 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a wedding ring.
CoxyMcChunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
senorworldwide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lifetime supply of heroin.
Bankablepayday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WHATS IN THE BOX!!!!
KingCashmere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An embarrassing photo of me from the Christmas party.
EDIT: Shit, beaten to it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Martin.
StillRadioactive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex wife.
BelligerentTaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A can of WHOOP ASS!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a video of my pokemon cards being burned
jacob_ewing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Total Perspective Vortex.
John_the_demon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of me looking at a picture that I got our of a box.
_Major_G ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Money.
Kaneshadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex. Contortionist bitch.
pepe_did_911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Facebook memes
Absolutis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lifetime subscription to Eve, good for as many accounts as i please.
It's a really good game don't get me wrong but it just drains your soul in a way no other game can.
SarloAkrobatkinja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Breast cancer.
My mother suffered for years because of breast cancer that spread to her abdomen. I get regular check ups, but still I am very scared of it.
Mcmuphin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My fiancรฉes engagement ring
kkfenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A smaller box, but somehow of the same size, as if it had no thickness and there are infinite boxes inside of boxes and I would have to take them all out and it would drive me crazy. Later, if I ever reached the end, I couldn't put them back as they are not the same size even though they are the same size and there would be a huge pile of boxes I couldn't get rid of. Breaking them would be too dangerous. Imagine a papercut, but with hard wood.
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Blow it up.
kkfenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Extra tiny shrapnel Edit: good for bombs
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ya
ScottSierra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This assumes I open it, as opposed to sealing it shut, encasing it in a block of concrete, and dumping it in the ocean.
CiphirSol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Police.
x96malicki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Divorce papers.
firezenukes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:17 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bug that crawls into your brain and connects to cell internet, putting reddit directly into your brain.
InVultusSolis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The date of your death.
Obed_Marsh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gweneth Paltrows head?
Darthbewbs72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A fiancee
17michela ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A DVD of The Human Centipede.
HenkeG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Swedish Government.
Phoepal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know , I never opened it.
QuirkyTurkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin would do the trick
BodaciousBabor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A grenade filled with bullet ants
zornathan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just packed in so they scatter as soon as it's open.
Jazziegler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A beautiful woman.
Barneymoney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A videotape with footage of the time your parents conceived you.
DudeImMacGyver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A shitload of radioactivity... and bees.
SaddestClown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nudes of my 15-year old first love.
marisachan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A box of child pornography with a note on top: "you've already been reported".
Even if you don't open it, you're still fucked.
AvionicsEE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An SJW, her child and a paternity test saying I'm the father.
Malakus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Positive pregnancy test from my crazy ex girlfriend.
BellaBailey2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex husband
Jellooooo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My account. Username and password and all.
otismuffins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a baby
PoopingInReverse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
CP.
Undercover_NSA-Agent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Child pornography and a gps that alerts the NSA.
Asmodal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's a dybbuk, like in the film "The Possession"
captnlenox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's in the booox?!
exophere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your own heart.
YITBOS90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring
Suirou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A book filled of what people truly think of you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably my ex.
threeclubs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
$1000 steam gift card. Since I'm starting my teaching career soon this could ruin hundreds of lives really.
tacoman2232 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dota
TheWizardofRhetKhonn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
TV Tropes
severineser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin
co0p3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lethal dose of radiation.
PastelPastries ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AIDS.
Demetrius3D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant Song: Dissolve - Jonathan Coulton
aceinthepocket12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A billion dollars
Belletinerock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin and a needle
Jim74 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pack of smokes.
DrJawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My kid (I don't have kids)
I_be_who_I_be ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pregnancy at 14!
Darklyte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-girlfriend.
Angry_Robotics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:09 on February 20, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
D: So that explains that.
Ramoncin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A phone that only calls my exes. Randomly. At any time of the day.
clownfeatures ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My 2 year old daughter.
sawu101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A piece of shit wrapped in a whole bunch of bubble wrap
Hendrik4L ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin
Lyall005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents opened that box. Then I was born
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A child.
NotBearhound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The date and time of your death, without the cause.
throwaway843653 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alcohol.
XavierSimmons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A winning Powerball ticket.
FerragamoHussein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The PAX 2.0
TractorOfTheDoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Crack Cocaine
1217chloe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:40 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Banana milkshake, chili dog and fried onion rings..
lapotatoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A shit ton of CS GO cases.
LavaMeteor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another box, with some 3D glasses nestled next to it.
This box, however, is super-tough to crack.
After 3 months of saving up for a locksmith and laser cutter, you finally open the box.
To reveal a DVD copy of "Spy Kids 3D: Game Over"
nofate301 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog OSfrog
LogicalShrapnel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A gun and a name
Panhead09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box is empty, which leads me to think it's been opened before and whatever was inside has escaped. So for the rest of my life I become paranoid, always looking over my shoulder for whatever it is that will supposedly ruin my life. The paranoia becomes obsessive and I start to lose my mind as it consumes my day-to-day life, causing me to lose focus on doing the things that would make me happy. I'm suspicious of everyone and alienate them because of it. Now I'm alone and I've failed at everything.
JackWackington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
Ben_Douglass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Endless wooden boxes, each with the same inscription. Box after box, until you have to use a magnifying glass, then a microscope, then a molecular microscope, and then...
RSHenderson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Moldy old cum. And a sock.
wintremute ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of my ex-wife as a 20-something.
TreeArbitor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One blank notecard, a stale pretzel, and an uncut key. I would devote my life to this mystery, consequently ruining it.
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Autism and the death of my father.
mwants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
beer
rustyshackford ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A singing dancing frog.
Hankbelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my ex wife
prjindigo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NSFW
GillCorb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror
Crackers1097 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A trap pistol that shoots out the top when you open it
stopsignred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a baby
Hauvegdieschisse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An infinite quantity of ants.
cukatie2983 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My vagina.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A stolen winning lottery ticket with a tracking device.
swedishchef2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A billion dollars.
godbois ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a head.
BobT21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Viagra. I'm 71 y.o.
tragicallyohio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a picture of my mom's penis.
iAmKinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex girlfriends unlocked cellphone
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wife's head.
jtl357 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby
dewdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing as this box
DaBuhl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb.
sytza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The oppertunity of knowing every bad thing about your self is good. Only the most strong human will open it and accept it, deal with it, closes it wiser and stronger. This is not something to be afraid of, only weak persons think it is. That life is all about the good things. Its not, learning and growing with sad events formes you. It forms a balanced wise human. A human that loves cats and wastes his hole day on reddit
bcRIPster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A reboot button, which when pressed will take your consciousness back to your body per-puberty.
The promise of a redo, but you'll never be able to recreate the life you left behind if you change your mind.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:54:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My answer is that link. The box has that definition in it, and now my life is ruined. Thanks!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:08:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can have my box I want a different evil box
Kyzzyxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bible
Grey996 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wedding Ring.
bodhijbd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin
oliver-hart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a bag of dope and a needle
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The most terrifying thing would be a single mosquito that immediately flies away out of your sight
nakkh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of the future inauguration day where Trump has hand on the bible and is swearing an oath ....
TheUsher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why it would be the offer letter I got when I took my job 5 years ago of course. But I already knew that.
mrcowmr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KosmfderQq8
SpontaneousWulver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:02 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The video of me being conceived
kyleray2005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:57:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The only thing left in it is hope.
Bigoljuicyones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bees!
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bees?
Bigoljuicyones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bees!!! http://m.imgur.com/gallery/R1raY
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love it XD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
3LD_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
have you tried speed? if you're going to have a problem it might as well be a hyper productive problem
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A laptop is sending an email with a breakdown of every single psychological aspect of mine to everyone I know, along with my internet history. No one could ever look me in the eye again.
zombieslurpee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wedding ring
profchaos621 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely heroin
cornplant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i would never open it
kfury ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A slightly smaller box that says 'Warning: contents will ruin your life'.
conquer69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An unlimited supply of various types of chocolate. I know I would die of chocolate poisoning.
Totally worth it.
Refrith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex
EntoBrad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another bag of weed.
AtomicWolf425 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fran Drescher
zornathan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She's kinda hot.
xxmickeymoorexx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Photos of my high school girlfriend and my ex wife.
Also some cocaine.
TheRealChrisWallace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pharmaceutical opioids.
Terpene ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring
CountsWithFingers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:14 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A copy of Paul Blart
labretkitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:34 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not one, but 4 babies. Quadruplets.
SuperFightingRobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A replay of last night's Super Bowl on infinite loop.
JermStudDog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Undeniable proof that those you love all agree: you're a worthless piece of shit.
None of them would ever admit it, but everything you've ever worked for would just feel so worthless and you would never be able to trust anyone again.
You may or may not go on living. Doesn't matter, either way you're devastated and will never be the same person again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On the plus side you got a sweet box you don't have to worry about sharing with anyone
Lynchkrator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A blowup doll.
superelvis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BEES! YOUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS!!!
JackofScarlets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax.
morallycorruptgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A box full of heroin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Keys to a minivan
jeaguilar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently, a winning lottery ticket.
sugamonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:46 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby
thesoupoftheday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope.
vibrationalprimate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a credit card
aybrotha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wifes head
benzethonium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An invitation to my brides wedding, to another person.
egotistical_cynic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a dead cat and some uranium
sporadicmind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sarin gas
mangababe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:43 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby
lancea_longini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin
rayvshimself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A massive load of bills.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that, I'm not opening it.
Little-Blue-Dragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The ... Of a new message. A message that will ruin my life.
It never comes.
GroatB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nuclear payload
CannibalisticZebra87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A child with my DNA
la-wolfe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. I was warned so I didn't open it.
Wesdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a bunch of crack or meth. Heard that shit isn't good for anyone's life.
Catguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't know. Never opened it.
pootycorp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
instant lobotomy, MAX HASS
dickblack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:52 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wife
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An embarassing photo of me at the Christmas party.
MarkedAchilles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Positive paternity test. Lots and lots of positive paternity tests.
d3photo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reddit.com
Shaggz1297 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A tablet showing videos of your parents and best friends parents in a bdsm orgy.
edgarallanpoetic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A child.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Barbara's phone number...JK ๐ป... She only ruined my life for twenty five years.
p5yk0t1km1r4ge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb
nuts2you2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More student loan bills.
Gourry007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's one of those jack-in-the-box fists that comes out and punches me.
shockwavequake4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note saying I can never play an instrument again.
thetacomcbabyhands ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A razor
BlakusDingus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cenobytes
zornathan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bill...
DIRTBOMB56 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A piece of paper that has all the true, meanest, and brutally honest thoughts my closest friends and family have thought about me.
50shadesofgreatness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine
jrportagee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, it's full of cum
Nerdn1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I hope never to find out.
beachgood-coldsux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring.
Ebert_Humperdink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
League of Legends
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vodka
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb!
kogasapls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Acid-spitting snakes on fire
PowerWordCoffee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Milk. Even better ice cream! I'm lactose sensitive. Those two will ruin my life within 15 minutes. As well as those within the vicinity.
mexikent13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Myself
VariousDrugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My University results
Kinda1OfAKind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pure pharma grade heroin with a note. So and so will buy this from you, but only a little at a time.
fxckthehalo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Narcotics.
Iamgoingtooffendyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Depression and anxiety.
PDNYFL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby
Crazy_Joe_Biden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A printed version of my browsing history
Catcherofsouls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Proof that my divorce isn't actually final.
Boogge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A credit card
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A small bomb, which detonates, but does not kill me, only wound me horribly beyond recovery
prospect12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
jorillac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit
discod69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
thumbwrestlingchamp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your wife's head.
ToastyXXX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're wife's head... just ask Brad.
CerpinTaxt11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My testicles.
When_Ducks_Attack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope.
Versus_The_World ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
your every wish granted.
Lessthanzerofucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Any Vonnegut novel.
donttemptmefrodo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
several kilos of high grade methamphetamine
ca990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
Gifididy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
ImALoneWolfBaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a bomb
kukaz00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just be curious what can go worse
Dasbaus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A number of women already gave me that option...
ThanklessTask ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am.
g0atmeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's head.
MrReesh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A thing that speaks aloud every thought I have in real-time.
WhoooCares ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't open it. Because my life is too good to risk it
mijofa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex
DrTriage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A endless bottle of booz.
narf3684 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
$10,000 that I can only spend playing EVE online.
Kahoots113 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your worst ex, she wants to get back together. You don't want to? Well how about shag for old times sake... nothing could go wrong there... right?
Famixofpower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My biological father is still alive.
lukalukaluka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A phone number
nickban ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It would have to be a pretty big box to fit my fat wife inside.
Pooterpuncher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A child
peeaches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My Ex-girlfriend
patrickoriley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would chain up the box and throw it overboard in the middle of the ocean without ever opening it. It would contain 1 billion dollars.
TARDISinspace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A receipt for student loans
Fastfingers_McGee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's head.
pinklemming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
lentzcatnewark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a wedding ring.
FionaLenet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heterosexuality or a sudden explicable hunger for dick.
Both would be crippling.
The_Brain_Fuckler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably an explosive charge triggered by opening the box.
SpasticFeedback ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex.
tedwin223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroine.
debisafish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not opening that shit. I'm good.
ging4life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bipolar
twistedoak11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I'll never know. If I thought it would ruin my life, I wouldn't open it.
Anus_master ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
jews
GingersUniteAtNight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A simple piece of paper with the words "I know" written on it
highgate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:40 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My soon to be ex-wife
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bees?
FlamingTroll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Memes
ColbyCheese22322 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:40 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bag of scopalamine, ie devil's breath.
Https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=toq8pwynu04
FragMeNot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bees.
doofinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's head
Fuckingcharles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Theres a white t-shirt that says 'life' and when you open the box a small glass of red wine spills all over your new white shirt, ruining your life...shirt
crumbbelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a diagnosis. Stage IV cancer. It's metastaticized, everywhere. You don't have long.
Seems-Reasonable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An incomprehensible amount of money.
latrans8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Speed and vodka. :(
ThatHipsterQ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriend
SpursFanHuds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This sub is turning into /r/writingprompts.
PhroznGaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth. Clean 3 years :)
loboMuerto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have you seen the movie Seven?
KingCupboard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bottle of vodka
DCdictator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope
Jedimasterbader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kids and a wife..
oldirishpig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-wife?
cyberphonic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my kids
derpy_enderman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This.
CrimsonCoast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby that turns out to be yours.
LFTBitchTit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Information from your future showing a hideous spouse and children, financial statements showing you are in financial ruin, and a medical report showing you've got the HIV
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dragon dildos
FFfurkandeger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Skyrim
therin33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby human.
Mark-Midnight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Wife and a Ball and chain...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb.
adamdreaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
looks like my wooden case laptop has arrived. Time to get back on Reddit.
FilthyGodlessHippie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pound of cocaine and ten third graders.
DigiDuncan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An army draft notice.
tatsuedoa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mental triggers of all the things I've blocked out in my life.
Gundam14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Wedding Dress. No, Just no.
NoSaucePermitted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A functioning watch.
Xtinian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Love
I_am_real_supersand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The day I die, I would waste my life thinking and planning for that day and never do anything fun.
greffedufois ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My insurance dropping me. My anti rejection meds are otherwise $600+ a month. That's one of the 6 meds I need to live. There's no way I could afford to pay for my meds each month without resorting to prostitution or something horrible.
So it'd ruin my life by ending it...slowly and painfully. Not again.
Chuffnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The NHS and my ex.
Hahahaha.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring
swizzlestix1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't open it!
keengt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My future
QuiveringQuim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex husband.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You open the box, you ruin your life. You don't open the box, you obsess over what the contents could have been for the rest of your life as your relationships, jobs, and family all crumble away from you without your notice. Eventually, you die alone and insane after ruining your life obsessing over what could have ruined your life.
urefeetplease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My penis...?
ISPWIZARD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump
BlazeTurtleZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My fucking wife.
swoop_dougie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin and a needle.
pahloe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
expired winning lotto ticket
Catch-up ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex.
Edorie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother
amiibr0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a bomb
scoobydoo4you ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The winning ticket for the recent 1.5 billion Powerball drawing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A disgusting picture
Mantis4980 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Faulty condoms
SunGregMoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A well preserved corpse of yourself.
Ita_Vita ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A woman
stefandraganovic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably some sort of horribly disfiguring bioweapon?
Warkitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Needle and baggy I'd be done
path0g3n_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Children.
cupfuls_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A paternity test from my husband's ex-wife saying the kid is his. Lol I'd nope the fuck outta there
anonymousse79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Children
londongarbageman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A letter from my ex wife saying she's moving out of state and she's taking the children with her.
TheRiotman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My soon to be Ex-wife.....
ryukasagi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Knowing me, alcohol.
tk42111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't open it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Marmite.
The jar is full of marmite.
hamstringstring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Puberty
diamontz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
more posts from op
Geeeeezyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bag of meth and a pipe.
SpamOJavelin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A little screen with three dots on it and a blinking light.
After 5 seconds, the screen changes to "Successfully emailed your entire internet search history to everybody you've ever met. Have a nice day!"
frosted1030 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Marriage license, and a wife.
GeneAutrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the date i will die.
curtst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Tampermonkey was here
Topgeg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Self awareness.
dondox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:18:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's how I proposed to my wife!
CrazyKirby97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That embarrassing photo of Spongebob from that Christmas party.
Zerogummi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The internet
TaP_patrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my ex girlfriend
izambrano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A magic ball that shows me any woman I could think of naked or having sex and an endless supply of lotion and tissues.
nikizzard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ambien
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby. That or a letter from a prostitute in Vegas from years ago telling me that she's pregnant and I need to take care of the child.
DrunkenGolfer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring.
ZanderPerk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Marijuana!!!!!!!!!!
Akhed123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth.
SpaceMonkeysInSpace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:28:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Magic curse that will ruin my life.
accidental_snot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first wife's contact information.
oh-bee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pokemon.
WolvesPWN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents being necrophiliacs.
StarDamage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror
Snarkycakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dick in a box
PeglegGecko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A defective condom.
leftleg63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-wife.
Legacy_600 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bees, lots and lots of bees
zensunni82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Open it?
Usually_Famous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth
DoxasticPoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would I open something like that?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Youtube links of all the cringe worthy moments in your life that sometimes keep you up at night.
Yes there's millions of views.
Yes the comments are all saying you're a loser.
lowdownlow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Money.
Boobisboobbackwards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would open it. If I didn't then it'd ruin my life because I'd always wonder. So better to know it and ruin it then to live in a ruined life wondering.
Delight_Sparkle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An auto-shooting gun.
Saeta44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's wedding ring. Either something has happened to her or she's left me, and I've already been left by a fiancรฉe once before. That ruined me, I can only imagine what my wife leaving would do.
craigpierre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Its an old box, its also filled with cum.
WulfSpyder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note from my ex telling me she wants me back.
HughManatee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb.
Teaboo_mom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A box of baby heads and crack.
Shezzam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kids
djphlange ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth
Namllih ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My search history
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A spring with an AIDs infected needle on the end.
breakingmichael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth house.
BLSBobby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT'S IN THE FUCKING BOX! ?!?
NooMoahk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Methamphetamine and cigarettes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ex gf and sadly I'd be stupid enough the second time to allow it back into my life
SolidLikeIraq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Truth.
No one wants that.
OkArmordillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb that activates when the box is opened. Death is a good way to ruin peoples' lives.
VeryBerrySpookyGhost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A box full of $1,000,000 that you can only spend on stuff on steam...
FrostyBook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
whiskey and women
golgol12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FOOF. Has a funny name. And will absolutely kill you.
doublementh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why the fuck would I open it?
bluenoser613 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would burn the box first before opening it.
winwar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A sensor to the police and a camera showing you now looking at cp. Gg
lilybeans20101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A timer slowly ticking down, with 42 years, 11 months, 5 days, 20 hours, 52 minutes, and 9 seconds on it. What's it ticking down to? Only 42 years, 11 months, 5 days, 20 hours, 51 minutes, and 43 seconds to go. TickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickDING! Times up! And nothing happened at all! But you just wasted almost 43 years worrying about it. Have fun with your last few years!
PM_ME_UR_TOSSEDSALAD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin
average_everyday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Five pounds of heroin
Teraventure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Parents sex tape
swims_with_spacemen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a clock. Time is your enemy. it always has been, it always will be.
(I am quite fittingly late to this thread)
PuffPuffPassAgain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents.
dogpriest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:52 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A grenade with a string going through the pin and to the top of the box
diakked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My last ex.
Fearripper15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A dick
Greg_Punzo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents
russianj21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gizmo. And when the box top was removed, water flower into the box.
Aussie_chopperpilot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my futureโฆ
ElephantStomps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A manila envelope from the maury show stating that you are 99.99% the father.
BoxSenpai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Student loans
Learngoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...ask the guy who gave it to you! Ya chump!
Psychoptic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:39 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For me, the box would be full of powdered MXE. I like it wayyy too much.
MagicalWeirdo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box is opened to reveal enough toxic waste to burn her eyes and ears until she is blind and deaf. But not enough to kill her. she thinks her life is over for a minute or two, but then she realizes that she still has her hands, and the situation is also in God's hands. She becomes excited thinking of ways God will use this in his story.
Well I'm not dead.
PM_ME_ORIGINAL_NAMES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note talking about a new update for TF2 that removes everything but sniper and engineer, and makes sentries instantly build and sniper shots always instakill
Enthused_Llama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:29 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror
Scipio229 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wife.
Camel_toe_jockey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:40 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring.
currentlydaydreaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pure cocaine
HStakes7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The worst of all evils. Hope.
Meztere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just a little note:
"Your hope is wasted"
JustPleasedToSeeYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope.
Domz618 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This URL https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women
Jack_mahogov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My current situation
all_the_sneeple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's poison. You die instantly
Mollyu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bunch of fictional but realistic horror and sy-fy would do the trick.
Anatharias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Schrodinger's cat box concept but with your life being the cat... Your life as it is before opening the box it is neither bad or good, it is just what it is and your life is waiting for you to open the box to either be better or suck afterwards... but none of that is true until you open the box. the concept of "ruining" is based on your perception. - If you're rich and loose all your wealth, you commit suicide. or - If you're poor and you become billionaire, overwhelmed by it you commit suicide.
either ways your life gets ruined.
weeeezzll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A woman.
ext23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
an illegitimate child that you didn't know you had.
willardfartmore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:29 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Chili's Molten Chocolate Lava Cake. Shit will RUIN YOU
xaelyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BEES.
sailor_doctorwho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A divorce paper. My husband and I are very happy so it would come from nowhere.
sagerjt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Tardis, but the opening of the box is too small for me to fit inside.
LikeableAssholeBro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The winning powerball ticket. Works like a charm
theforeverletter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Normality pills. The kind of pills that make me just like everyone else, nothing unique or standing out.. the kind of pills that make me feel accepted from every person and validate my self worth.
conspiracy_thug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror
Hazydazey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Proof my mom, dad , and grandmother didn't die when I was three and the people that adopted me staged everything but kidnapped me and my brother then didn't do everything they could to fix his heart condition so he died when I was 7. It was all so they could continue to perpetuate what great family values they had a continue their place in society.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Contents.
BigBadBitcoiner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An embarrassing Christmas picture.
Aces_8s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A picture of my future son(s)-in-law, validating my fear that I will somehow mess up my daughter(s).
Secretmilk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Single berry in which after you eat you are forever starving of love, life, food etc.
byskm_t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
stacks of unpaid parking tickets
thomoz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
polaroids of your Dad in bed with Liberace and/or Richard Chamberlain
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea. I would never open a box like that. It is a literal Pandora's Box.
Lords_Blade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dark souls 3
savethefairyland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bunch of photos of me as a happy kid, along with a handwritten letter written by me before age 10 about everything I'd hoped to have accomplished by the age I am now.
pooperdooper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:51 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom.
SCAND1UM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The real question... Do you open the box?
_Dawnlight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A sexual partner
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:45 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The box of tomatoes fairy's guts
wildweedwolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dwights Treasure
safesexedu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:43 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jumanji!
sdglksdgblas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Weed
Davetheslutslayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-wife
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wedding ring
chubbyurma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
MMoney2112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Ark of the Covenant
dookinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my wife.
ohgoshembarrassing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:21 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A very hot object that will permanently burn your hand.
Obvious_Troll_Accoun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Something written in rope knots.
David_Evergreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents.
StoneyTheSloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jews
tieberion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife
maljbre19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Path of Exile
mabo516 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit.
Fristiloverke13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A video of your mom blowing her father.
Swordsx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The hint of failure that sends me into spiraling depression for the rest of my life.
How bout them textbooks?
Delsana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The truth about yourself.
jump-n-shoot-man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My report card.
ptr24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Deez nutz
metastang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A set of jaws that launch out and take off my hands. I'm a diesel mechanic, without my hands I don't work. And all I know how to do is work with my hands.
thelitkid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump's hair
NickelFish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dick.
Kruniac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BEES.
Burnsomebridges ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A single marijuana. NOT EVEN ONCE.
PM_ME_MESSY_BUNS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a whole bunch of pictures and lovenotes from my ex
literally set me back on the last 8 months of moving on
lowdownporto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Mirror
Bryaxis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would I open it?
balancedinsanity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Positive pregnancy test.
Ladies, amiright?
realmonsters712 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shrek's dank kush
moltr3s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Instruction letter on installing Dota 2 on Steam
greybush12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a smartphone. It's made us all zombies
cyndawg93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Trader Joe's Cookie Butter products and Nutella
DistanceSkater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
ptrst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So fucking many spiders
ParadiseSold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:46:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Positive pregnancy test. shudder
Badassbanana69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Student debt
Dubbx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The heads and bodies of everyone you love hanging on a stick. All of them naked.
Dubbx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:57 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's pandoras box so we're all fucked
complexsystemofbears ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Child porn, and as you open it the police break down your door.
Where'd you get the box buddy?
Steffisews ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll never know....
slayeromen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My past.
Kalapuya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:09:50 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An engagement ring.
DubPwNz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ha. Jokes on you ! My life is already ruined !
someguyuno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth, it will ruin almost anyone's life. You will not live up to your potential.
SirDingaLonga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a message saying " all the women you were to scared to talk to would have banged you"
Xspelled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A tablet with nothing but the reddit app on it.
Norgenigga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:44:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb.
Eponarose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I found this box on my front porch....I would put it in the trunk of my car drive MILES away and leave it at the crossroads. Why would you open a box that says it's going to ruin your life? I like my life!
jeanwearinfool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A VHS of every moment leading up to now.
TheWambat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A book full of all the possible realities where life is so much better if I had made any number of simple decisions.
MaxJohnson15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding certificate.
I'm not clicking 'save' without the disclaimer that this would not be a penalty for me personally as I got stupid lucky with mine but I have friends that would applaud this choice and I post this for them.
rubixium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A thousand spiders which come out and cover you
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:16:30 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is no rule against NOT opening the box, so I don't open it, crisis averted.
ChevroletSparkSS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cigarettes, a butane torch, a small can of butane, bags of meth, cocaine, and syringes full of heroine. Plus, $9,000 in counterfeit money, a pair of brass knuckles, a Desert Eagle pistol, several bullets for said gun, and a hand grenade. Also, lastly, an iPhone with the contacts list full of terrorists. The iPhone's lockscreen and background both say in big bold letters "FUCK THE POLICE."
Iguanatan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:35 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
Grabmytree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex girlfriend.
Calamity_Jay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test...
Deztru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:26 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably anthrax
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another smaller box- but it's locked and you can't figure out how to open it. You hold onto it in hopes of somehow opening it and a couple minutes before you die, it opens, putting into your mind all the things you've wondered and doubted throughout your life. All the secrets hidden from you, all the possible futures. Then, you die, unable to act on the information you've been given.
Malakoji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:42:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fuckin fire ants.
Generalkrunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:52:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
doesn't matter i'll never open it.
It will eat away at me night after sleepless night as my life slowly deteriorates around me and I lose my sanity completely.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My penis
TQQ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shake it.
MarlaSinger36 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:21:16 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An inflatable married man.
Kwes1993 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:25:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A drive to accomplish things that are unknown to you. You'll spend the rest of your days unfulfilled.
timmy0799 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:25 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a plain wooden box with an inscription: 'Warning: contents will ruin your life.'
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax spores. They will literally ruin your life.
Knusperklotz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ruined life.
jabiz510 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:46 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My real browser history... oh my..
puskathethird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:50:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Prions
Kazin7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A piece of paper saying "Your life so far is just a dream"
kajar9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your wife's abortion for a child you seemed both eager to bring to the world, with a letter stating, that it might have not been yours... that she was deceitful around the time of conception. She had such guilt over it and went and killed herself after the abortion.
bloodwing13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:57:47 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex
Techtorn211 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my internet history
pqowie313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
One-time use potion of eternal youth/life. Now, since you'll never die of old age, the only way your life could end is an accident. Before, when you got in a car/plane, you said to yourself "Well, I'm gonna die someday, and my chances are pretty low" Not any more.
EBOLA_CEREAL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:17:42 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax?
OwenRey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:40:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An invitation to my ex's wedding with my former best friend
maracusdesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just a big, red button.
Imablargmachine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a letter from the guy i like asking me to marry him.
I-suck-at-golf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and hubris..
CaptainYstra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's your old friend: deadly neurotoxin.
Littobubbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
bread
PM_ME_UR_WEEN1S ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:00 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
bottop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bloody knife covered in superglue
vwolf07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But I won't open it...
darrenturn90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A slip from your doctor confirming you have an incurable illness and it will destroy you in 6 days
Handy_tool_lover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:11 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a printout of this thread, and reading it gives me cancer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
weed
coleskiflash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:01 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Skyrim II
skayplakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Love. It makes or breaks people.
idk_idc_fts_io ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hard disk containing entirety of TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life
LeviticusRossmaximus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:37 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A broken condom
GentleStitches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:33 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The latest Adam Sandler movie.
bikebefok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:15 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror.
GurlinPanteez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An 8 ball of Cocaine
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Me. I'm doing a damn fine job so far
effkay8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:26:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AIDS
nopooq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:59 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A hard drive with child porn in it? I hear that'll mess up your life in America.
BunkBuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:45:32 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it'll fuck your life up anywhere
jwfc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:29 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Except if you owned your own country
homezlice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:17 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex wife's vagina.
Pinguleader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:55 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A grenade with the pin glued to the lid.
Gramage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:31 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"What's in the box!?"
imcuteforanuglygirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:58 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A coupon for a lifetime of free McDonald's.
I can't help myself
BunkBuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the only copy of half life 3
also a matroyshka doll
ElPazerino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:34 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A lightsaber. I could not stand the urge to use it and die.
Jackins_Shipgutter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A decapitated head with ebola
loredgareth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:08 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a wedding ring with a picture of your to be wife
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit
Kryppers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:06 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's the saying? You are at the bottom of a pit and there is no way out. Someone throws you a box with a shovel in it. Might as well dig.
JakeyG21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tyrion Lannister
bupereira ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Papers revoking my visa and forcing me to immediately return to Brazil
tastosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:41 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My parents cremated remains
Rnorman3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:44 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Glitter
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Worlds cutest cat
tommy11133 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:18 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YES! I need some adventure
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A butt covered in pimples that occasionally sharts insults at you.
Chimichanga13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:54 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Babies... Shitting, screaming, vomiting babies......
wychpuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:56 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My penis
Piero914 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:49 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A VHS tape of my parents having sex.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:09 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this how Se7en ended?
Bakerplant1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:28 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bomb
TrustTheGeneGenie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:40 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why the fuck would I open it?
zerovin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:20 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing, because my life is already shit
k0zmo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Friends
therealgillbates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pregnancy test result.
Farfylovesyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An embarrassing picture of Spongebob from the Christmas party
GodleyX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:19 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's severed head.
Mitsuki_Horenake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cancer
Omin4t3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:04 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A crack pipe
firebird50 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:03 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
nothing because my life is already ruined for me
capilot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:23 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno; I'm never going to open it.
I'm the sort of person who listens to people when they say don't watch Two Girls, One Cup, and things like that.
commentssortedbynew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:09:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:02 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
An audio of all my loved ones TRUE thoughts about me.
I wouldn't be able to handle it. I got a little preview recently and that rattled me.
DrDraydle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:05 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wife. Sorry girls!
Proclaim_the_Name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:22 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A shotgun pointed at your face and opening the lid pulls a string, which in turn pulls the trigger. The shell is filled with bird shot. You don't die, but your face is fucked and your eyeballs obliterated. Life ruined.
Jannik2099 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:38 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
yo mama
ipastone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:24 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The condom you used last night with a nice big hole in the middle.
Tootfarkle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:50 on February 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My marriage license
Cakepufft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:17 on February 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Grenade that will explode when you open it.
popsicleturneddown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:50 on February 15, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A note saying: "The One Piece is Luffy's hat."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The future
nsnide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A winning lottery ticket.
misterwizzard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pussy.
ChemicalArsonist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:57 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must be deathly allergic to cats.
KyMaTo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:13 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A vagina.
PM_Me_Your_Snizz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pussy
Capngarebear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A woman.
Thumbsupordown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Two words: cum box.
cassiopeia1280 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In "The Box" by Bruce Coville, an angel gives a man a box and commands him never to open it. It's a fantastic story.
Merovean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Liberals!!!
Badum Bum...
Sorry, had too with all the hype.
Actually inside? I'd be an utter buffoon to ever open that box. Therefore, I have no idea.
KnowsDiddlySquat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A blue pill and a red pill, the illusion of choice.
DocRiguez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A woman
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth. A big ol' box of meth.
sillybanana2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby. Some people will dislike this answer, but for me, it's the end of everything. I'm working to establish a teaching career, and for me that means devoting every waking moment to reflecting on my teaching and trying to better myself. I've taken every precaution against pregnancy and my biggest fear is that all of those things will fail and I would end up with a child long before I was mentally ready for one. A lot of women have great careers and have children, but I'm just not at that stage yet.
striptococcus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A pound of coke.
Because you weren't just trying to show me a good time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably some really gross pictures or something like that
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Reddit account.
dondonfit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother
DrGaypants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:56 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baby.
TheJack38 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A light so bright that it blinds me permanently.
Bing bam bom, everything I enjoy in life will have been taken away from me... Beyond maybe reading, but only if I somehow get books with blind-letters in them.
fosiacat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:27 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
positive pregnancy test
jruss96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:12 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump
๐๏ธ ihlaking ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 14:37:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going with a Hogwarts letter.
psi567 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, why would that ruin your life?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:37 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, doesn't Op want to be a wizard?
psi567 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:56:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna guess that op is middle aged and the knowledge that Op could've gone to hogwarts would ruin them.
strawberyl ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:15:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Beats me, I'm not opening that shit.
PM_ME_ANYTHING_FUN ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:18:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a wife 2 years after she says I DO
Toogoodtotroll ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:18:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think a thousand pictures of my wife screwing with other guys would do it perfectly.
Cthuloo22 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:21:22 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vince McMahon's diabolical plans to run WWE into the ground
jetblackcrow ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:21:30 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The movie: The Box
Melcher ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:22:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Paternity test showing my kids aren't mine
TruthoftheMatte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woohoo! Freedom!!!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:49:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bernie Sanders.
Pakislav ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:39:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How should I know?
cancerousiguana ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:08:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's full of high explosives and opening the box triggers them and you die.
Durrvish ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:00:03 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even more student loans.
rhetoricles ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:00:05 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A bottle of bourbon.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:00:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
reddit
keke_fresh ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:01:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin and a needle. Im a recovering addict.
mythosaz ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:02:27 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A DNA test showing my daughter isn't mine.
It would literally kill me.
bhp126 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:02:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My browser history... and a picture of my wife looking at it.
Liam_delta5499 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:02:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why did I open it? Seems like a shitty present, Thanks Mom
Hott_Sauce ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:02:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wife
tech_kra ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:03:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A vagina
McClain206 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:06:49 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:07:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-wife's vagina.
TheBigFrig ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:08:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A baker's dozen of cheese croissants. I'll eat them in one sitting.
maxjnorman ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:11:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
smaller and smaller boxes all the way down. forever.
ItsYouNotMe707 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:12:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you're scrolling on reddit and see a link the the description "warning contents will ruin your life" what's inside when you click on it? Thanks a lot assholes
Bunny36 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:12:23 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My student loans. Due immediately.
capncuster ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:12:50 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ex wife.
headysbergXaddress ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:15:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
total perspective!
justarandomgeek ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:16:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever it is isn't worth the risk. I'd seal it up and bury it, unopened. (Destroying it risk releasing the life-ruining agent, so better to just store it somewhere secure indefinitely.)
Nissir ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:16:39 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck if I know, I am not going to open it...
Stephen885 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:16:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a letter from my ex saying how everything was my fault and a big fuck you cause youre a peice of shit. and heres a picture of her, her husband and, kids... happy without me... wedding pictures. vacations. and such. and her saying it could have been me but i wasnt good enough. i wasnt the person i should have been. and its all my fault.
Imperium_Dragon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:16:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A kilogram of nuclear material.
candidporno ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:17:53 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex.
BurningBroadripple ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:18:44 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A hopeless amount of spiders
airborngrmp ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:20:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My own dead body
MUSIC STING
infinitytwat ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:20:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A flash drive containing all the nudes of my boyfriend's ex girlfriends.
Oh...wait. That already happened.
zornathan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:53 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's so bad about that? He's not posting them on the Internet or booty calling them is he?
MichaelDeucalion ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:21:08 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Meth
Narwhal_Army ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:21:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ricin
Skeletonman420 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:22:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
18 kids
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:23:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just a single, regular bottle of beer. The person who opens it will make the connection that they're fated to end up as an alcoholic, and actually become one.
not---a---bot ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:26:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A sealed lead container containing several pounds of plutonium and an explosive device. Opening the wooden box triggers the explosive.
bratzman ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:26:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror and a diary of my last few weeks as it appeared to everyone else.
kleptophobiac ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:28:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Information that I really, really don't want her to know.
biffsteelchin ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:33:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a wedding ring
DAREALANUS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:33:31 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pandora. Not this shit again.
CalifornianCanadian ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:33:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
cancer
Bunny247 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:36:16 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a tape of the babies heartbeat that I aborted and never thought of again.
dMarrs ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:42:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lifelike female SEXBOT!
VonBeegs ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:43:47 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My ex fiance.
E_Squared ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:43:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The IRS.
Gibranism ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:44:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hope
cokefairy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:45:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cocaine!
Anghel412 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:45:42 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pictures of my fiance with another guy.
-purple-is-a-fruit- ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:46:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SNAKES!
-purple-is-a-fruit- ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:46:11 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SNAKES!
Nuclear_Ace ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:46:12 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm... I think the cumbox would be a fairly traumatic experience to have to go through...
Jerlko ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:46:38 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mustard gas.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:49:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My internal organs.
That would definitely do it.
SyanticRaven ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:50:21 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You are given a list of the most tragic and happiest moments of your life.
You will never feel those true emotions again, you will know they are coming and you will have dealt with them already.
HireALLTheThings ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:51:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some highly infectious plague from the middle ages that I was never vaccinated for.
Daforce1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:52:41 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Info on the date and time you are going to die but not the cause
trainwreck42 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:52:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kiddie porn and a police officer.
Enforcer444 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:53:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A wedding ring.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:54:32 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A key with no indication of what it opens. Will drive you nuts.
csl512 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:55:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
more than 10 kg of Plutonium
karma_virus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:59:28 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A letter from the FBI regarding my internet history.
nikiu ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:01:00 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax spores?
bynockulairboi ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:05:06 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a credit card
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:07:25 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ebola, acid, a radiotherapy cylinder pointed straight at me, a gun rigged to the lid pointed straight at me, mosquitoes with hiv/aids or zika or west nile, child porn with a phone directly connected to the FBI rigged to the lid, my ex boyfriend...
dragonpjb ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:08:01 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't open it. I bury it and never think about it again. There is a warning on the box for a reason. Why would you open it?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:10:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A copy of Smash 4.
gamesmasterxx ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:11:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YouTube or Weed (I'm addicted to youtube i have little friends because of it)
jeffspicole ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:12:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
polonium 210
HappyGoPink ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:12:36 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Explosive runes.
ldvkdg ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:13:20 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A ring that lets me see my future and gives me ease with everything I try.
Zanderax ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:13:26 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another box. Exactly the same size with the same inscription on it. In that box? Another box. I will be opening boxes for the rest of my life.
the_russian_narwhal_ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:14:58 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wifes head
8Gh0st8 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:15:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A large wired chunk of C4 with a photo-sensitive triggering mechanism.
BunzoBear ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:15:45 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin
Banana_Turtle_ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:17:09 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's severed head
sinfiery ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:17:29 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A detailed list of everything I've ever 'obtained' on the internet with an invoice requesting payment.
Pishwi ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:17:54 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"When" I open it?
I'm not opening it.
7_up_curly ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:18:33 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Given that I don't put it immediatly on an active bomb range....
My ex-bf.
He turned out to be a highly manipulative sociopath and I was damn lucky to get the restraining order.
I was devastated when he ran off with some mistress from the internet one weekend and then married her a few days later. Even though he was a terrible boyfriend I was still deeply betrayed.
They were divorced within a couple months, and when I saw the absolute hell he put her through I was relieved that I had my life back and he wasn't allowed in it.
He tormented that girl. Violently assaulted her many times, lied to her about everything (how else do you get someone off the internet to marry you within weeks of talking to them?), stole her car keys so she couldn't leave, tried to kill her dog, emptied her life savings and bank accounts, told her she was such a terrible person she didn't deserve better.
When she did try to leave he found her safe house and would stalk her every move at it. She eventually moved for her own safety, he has refused to sign the divorce papers, despite having since moved his new girlfriend into his house almost the same week she left.
No one deserves to be treated like that, mistress or not.
Zombievirus42 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:18:48 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror
twomz ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:26:48 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Winning lotto ticket.
drewzGriff ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:20:14 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A photo of Lady Gaga singing our National Anthem at Super Bowl 50
grant_the_wish ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:33:13 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Anthrax
X_HEROBRINE_X ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:37:07 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom
Werewolf978 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:47:36 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Herpies...
nyjl ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:17:10 on February 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bible.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 14:31:18 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:33:59 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you put it on?
JereTheJuggler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:51 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same reason he opened the box that said it would ruin his life, duh.
SkrublordPrime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:15 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NewGuyCH ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:10 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a billion dollars
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:35 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...a small lie.
pushtheTALLpedal ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:24 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Social justice
ColonelSanders_1930 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 15:15:19 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sanders 2016
Moon_Doggie ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 14:23:04 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A cat
TruthoftheMatte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:55 on February 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Related username?