Zediac ยท 636 points ยท Posted at 16:47:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's when you activate the app that will fake a phone call. "Sorry, this is important. I have to go take care of something (that something being not wanting to be a 15th wheel). I'll talk to you later."
Then go home, get a glass full of the alcohol of choice, and watch TV show reruns in the dark while you ponder life and try not to sob loud enough to wake the cat.
Simpfally ยท 138 points ยท Posted at 16:49:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, if you managed to get the hell out of here, you can enjoy your beer with peace in mind.
Zediac ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:53:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Usually. But this was predicated on you thinking that it's a date but the other person not seeing you as an option for that to the point where they brought their own date thus you walked into a situation where you were unknowingly shut down before you started and then surrounded by happy couples. The mind tends to not be at peace at that point.
But....you are the one hosting. Now all your friends are wondering why you wandered off to the living room and never came back or even served them.
Zediac ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:39:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shh... Pretend like I didn't fuck that up...
tom275 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Only if you are the host, and you thought it was a date, who invited the other people. Its just the three of you, and the tables only laid for two. This is going to be awkward.
VashMM ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:08:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hell no. I'm waking that cat up. I need something to love new, even for just a minute after going through that.
8oD ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:06:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If I need "Fingers in Fur,"TM I grab the cat wherever he is, and proceed to get my fix.
arudnoh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
After the booze begins to warm your chest, The Walking Dead distracts you, and you find the cat wanting to share body heat, you realize things are actually okay, but fuck that dinner party.
darktask ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Aww.
Although I have in my possession a bottle of scotch that I've been trying my hardest to finish, I got it for my birthday and the damn thing keeps lasting. How do alcoholics do it?
jped ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And that's when you realize you suck at faking phone calls, and as you leave, someone says "dude, we know that wasn't a phone call", and everyone laughs as you make your exit.
mbrw12 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:52:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
In high school this hot girl who i had a huge crush on asked me to a dance, When we met up she had a different date and tried to hook me up with her unattractive and very overweight friend.
12 years later, I still havent recovered from this experience.
got a HJ in the bathroom tho
[deleted] ยท 492 points ยท Posted at 19:18:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
danmo_96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:15:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I know that feel, kinda...
A very attractive friend of mine wanted to go to winter formal with me. Fast-forward to a week or two before the dance, she tells me that [mutual friend] asked her out and she said yes. I still went to the dance, mostly because tickets were non-refundable. It was not as wonderful as I expected a few weeks prior.
Yep. Hot, sort of my friend, girl I liked in hs was single around prom. About a week before the date she got back together with her bf (who never liked me). She texted me "Hey I'm actually going to go with Asshat, but you can go with (her wildly unattractive friend) instead! cool?"
No. It wasn't cool. Went with one of my other friends instead. No hj either.
My freshman homecomming dance me and my best friend were set to go together and had had huge crushes on eachother for years. When we got to the dance we took pictures and then she said she had to go too the bathroom...she never came back I stood on the dancefloor for hours waiting patiently. Before it finally dawned on me, and a few of really old friends I hadnt even talked to in years came up and tried to comfort me however all that did was actually make me cry. Worst night ever, we stopped being friends after that really. Its ok man I feel it.
I think any body type can be beautiful and attractive, and I don't believe in or understand weight shaming and talking about fat girls like they're all ugly
Haha it's not sorry, I haven't even been to a dinner party. If it makes you feel better I did have a guy friend I had just gotten together with whilst travelling, and was sharing a room with, bring another girl home on Christmas night.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:46:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've had loads of dating disasters but this beats them all.
Been there, done that! Still payed for her dinner. She doesn't talk to me anymore. And she knew it was supposed to be a date to. I know she knew. She fucking lead me on and used me and won't even talk to me now.
Kinda happened to me. Been flirting via text with a girl for a while. She texts me Sunday morning and asks if I fancy meeting for dinner later that day. I was hungover as hell but got my act together and went to dinner, assuming it was just us. Turns out she's with a bunch of friends, complete with a number of friendzoned guys.
OMG THIS HAPPENED TO ME ON MY 21ST BIRTHDAY!! I (female) invited a guy I was hooking up with at the time to come out for my 21st and he asked if he could bring his friend, Andy. I told him that was fine, more the merrier! Then he brought a girl we'll call Whoren and Andy. :( Whoren was my date's date. Andy was left for me. :(
hobbers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:20 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once. Girl invited me out to a dancing place. I thought we were just friends, and figured her other friends might be there, so I invited this other girl I was trying to date. First girl sees me show up with a date and is super peeved.
Happened to me, it actually isn't on my scale of worst dinner parties, surprisingly. I enjoy a bit of righteous self pity, and everyone there knew I thought I had a date and was sorry for me.
The most actual disappointment I have experienced was attending a thanksgiving dinner and having no one try my dish. Some people put it on their plate and didn't even taste it. I had brought the same dish last year and received compliments, so I felt like maybe they had all lied to me.
Edit: Realized you meant the party was two people only! My situation was I was already going to a dinner with some friends, and I thought this girl and I had been flirting. I had showed them some of our communications and they all agreed with my interpretation, so they felt bad.
I feel depressed now as I have not been invited to enough dinner parties to have a list of disappointments. I did once bring rum chocolate rice crispy cakes to a work "fuddle" one though and ended up taking them all home.
You only kinda know the people at the party, so you are having that awkward, sort of know each other chat. But, your friends are coming so every time the door opens you expecting it to be them but it never is. So you have that anticipation of getting away from the awkwardness but it never comes
Meanwhile, the slightly mundane host is greeting people with a limp handshake. There are a few butlers but they are not in the buff, and a few waitresses, but they are not topless or on rollerskates. They are serving slightly warm food, think room temperature pineapple sticks with no cheese. The Hors d'oeuvre are not mixed. You glance at the main and its something with mash potato, and you get that feeling where you know the mash will be dryer than the meat.
You are offered a drink. They only have soda water, and it's carbonated. There is a bucket of ice, but it has melted heavily, so when you take some and put it in your drink, it just transfuses into your fizzy water, marginally reducing it's tepid temperature, ultimately increasing the volume of water in the glass. Someone offers you a beer, but there's only a four pack. Its a can, not a bottle. You cant drink it from the can without looking like Boomhower, and one beer is worse than no beer, so you refuse.
Faintly in the background, plays a Pink Floyd album. You're not sure which one, but it drones at that barely audible volume where each song blurrs into the next, creating a somewhat ambivalent atmosphere.
Suddenly, there's a knock on the door and you hear someone say "Neil Armstrong's here!", and you turn, flabberghasted, only to realise that Neil Armstrong is the local white goods magnate and he is treating tonight as one big sales pitch. Then you turn back to bob and talk about how much the lawn needs mowing. 4 more hours.
Edit: More partying
Second Edit: GOLD! Broken my duck, thanks. Am gonna party tonight!!
[deleted] ยท 644 points ยท Posted at 15:16:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone that you can't stand being around, yet they approach you every chance they get, happens to be right in front of the exit and audibly says "Hey, long time no see! How've you been?" * opens arms for hug *
"Oh I've been great since I discovered Scientology! Did you know the reason we're all depressed is because of something called thetons? Here have a seat let me tell you all about it! Oh good idea, get a drink for me too!"
edsteen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:08:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fun story: Last December, at 2 AM, my fish tank actually caught on fire. That was a fun morning...
adcas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
H..how?
I'm running four in my bedroom and a dozen I'm other parts of my house, this is something that never crossed my mind as possible. XD
edsteen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:17:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Good question. Our best guess is that the small heater we had in the tank melted and caught on fire. The fire department never came to a definite conclusion. Luckily the dogs woke us up, and we were able to extinguish the fire before it caused much damage, but we did have to host a dozen fire fighters searching the house to ensure there was no structural damage or carbon monoxide. The best part though is that every fishy survived :D
adcas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:22:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, good. I've heard too many stories lately about fish not surviving fires even they could have.
Now I'm just picturing fish swimming around and then "SWEET FISH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT"
you attempt to log on to the guest network that came with the host's router, but it's not set up yet.
AlexisFR ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:07:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And no WPS of course...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And you're already past your data limit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You went to the bathroom before the party but they you realized you were gonna be late. You had to stop mid shit and wipe and now there's this uncomfortable feeling of poop still in you butt at the party, made worse by the bad air conditioning in the party and your sweaty butt. You keep trying to discretely check if there's some shit in your pants but you never quite get the chance to be really sure.
tofu98 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:02:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Twist: You politely excuse yourself and go home to read and relax. the end.
Urgullibl ยท 132 points ยท Posted at 16:31:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Have you considered a career as a wedding planner?
There is no drink service during dinner so you're stuck with the soda water from earlier.
The soup is just stock with nothing in it, and your spoon too small to be useful.
The salad is just lettuce with no dressing.
The chicken is unseasoned, bone-in and dry.
The potatoes are mashed, with no butter or gravy.
The coffee is decaf with no cream or sugar.
The dessert is those god awful wafer cookies.
Somewhere along the line you find somebody who thought to bring a flask with them, but by the time you figure this out, it's empty and they're more than a bit tipsy. They suggest finding something more interesting to do, so the two of you wander upstairs. You lay down on a bed and they promptly pass out. You decide to turn on the TV in the room only to have the news on. You catch a glimpse of the score to the game you recorded before you can change the channel. Your team lost. In a landslide.
You say "Screw it." and leave. At least the cat will provide some entertainment at home then you can get a good nights rest. You hit every light red on the way home. When you get there you step in a hairball and the cat wants nothing to do with you. You crawl into bed and toss and turn until 4AM. Then as you drift into a fitful sleep you remember your spouse's parents are coming over in the morning.
No its the worst topic ever: Political topics you have a vague clue and a vague opinion about. So because you want to contribute something you say something. But every time someone disagrees or points out a flaw and everybody else agrees with him/her silently.
Starayo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:12:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
They only have soda water, and it's carbonated.
Heck yes.
Once you're used to the taste, soda water is so refreshing. And it doesn't taste bad when room temperature, unlike flavoured sodas. And it's much healthier than drinking anything sugary.
I know people joke a lot about being socially inept, but are there really that many people who have so much trouble with social interaction?
I mean, I can see one or two people at a party with that problem, but for most people - especially the kinds of people who go to things like dinner parties - that's just an excuse to get to know a bunch of new people.
You spot a dog, thank god you can take refuge in petting a friendly animal. Nope, pukes on your hand. The only bathroom is being used so you have to wash it off in the kitchen sink while everyone fixes up their plates.
Dinner will be served shortly. The meal consists of a single course of off-brand Lucky Charms, with the marshmallows having been picked out. Served with your choice of whole milk that is 1 day away from expiration or unsweetened soy milk.
Kyanpe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was in a car with some people only half of them I knew. We ended up driving to one of the passengers friend's place. They were there for 10 minutes then due to people's drunkenness I was abandoned with 7 people I didn't know, and I had no idea where I was.
I actually don't have any food, and since you are here could you help me move?
DrInsano ยท 614 points ยท Posted at 16:24:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"I guess I can make some food after we get done moving. Found a frozen pizza stuck in the back of the freezer when I was cleaning it out, it's a little frost bit and the labeling is advertising Iron Man 2, but it should still be good. You like pineapple and olive pizza, right?"
You know what, I forgot, I have a pork roast in my fridge! It'll take a few hours though, but don't worry! I've got a slideshow of my vacation that will fill the time!
Ixidane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:00:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
uuuuuuggggggghhhhh I can feel the pain emanating from this post.
Until your boyfriend cleans it for you as a nice gesture
Bobcat7 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:02:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When that "friend" call and asks if you still have a truck, just say no, a real friend knows whether or not you have a truck, and they don't pull crap like that.
Zukaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:28 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Do you still have that shitty truck of yours?
Bobcat7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:06 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact, microwaves are either on or they aren't. When you reduce the power or use defrost mode it's simply alternating on/off at higher or lower ratios
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:13 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
130 upvotes? I didn't even know 130 Scots had the internet. I only got it meself last week after Agnes decided she was sick of watching neds vandalise the shops down the road and wanted to try Netflix instead.
Reminds me of a meal I had once... Pork chops burnt on the outside and cold on the inside. Undercooked crunchy black beans (al dente?). Homemade applesauce with random seeds and apple-core bits. With Sprite.
Edit: I should clarify. Some folks invited us to dinner. This is what they served. I'm not making any of this up.
Artren ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:44:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Sounds like reheated pork chops via the oven, beans they had never cooked before, or didn't soak long enough, and apple sauce that didn't get strained... Ew.
It was at a coworkers house, he didn't tell anyone this was going to happen, just that it was going to be a healthy dinner party. All the food was vegan. It was just like beans and salads and shit.
Then this creepy overly excited sales guy came out and started this PowerPoint presentation in the middle of dinner. He was selling this like, vegetable powder that you mix with water. It tasted like grass and it got stuck in your teeth. It was terrible.
Guests kept showing up, and one coworker took one look inside and actually refused to come in and just left. I silently mouthed to him "take me with you!"
We all awkwardly refused to buy in to the scheme. A few people bought some jars of the green stuff. As soon as the first person got the balls to leave, every single person left at the same time.
[deleted] ยท 258 points ยท Posted at 18:17:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
One of my mothers friends did this at their wedding. I've never been more taken back in my entire life than when the groom worked a 2 minute pitch into his speech and when his wife mirrored the sentiment in hers. So much wtf and alienation.
Oh my god are you serious? They are the worst people on the planet.
Can you remember any details? I can't imagine how that would go down.
[deleted] ยท 243 points ยท Posted at 19:03:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It was actually very smooth, but the reason it was so bad was because they were a young gullible couple that honestly thought that by selling fancy Whey protein and caffeine pills, they were doing something remarkable. The older couple who got them into it was there and they've been known in the community for being the annoying family with super human children who claimed it was this crap that made their kids win state titles. It was really awkward, but he basically said, "Babe I'm so glad God has brought you into my life. I can't wait to build you a house in the country and grow our XXXXX business and help impact athletes lives in our city by selling them the only nurtition supplement that doesn't pay pro athletes because they do it for free. There are just so many ways we can change lives... Like with our spark juice that has 37x nor electrolytes and phosphates than regular water... Wow listen to me go. Anyways, my love...."
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:29 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Man, people do goofy shit. I own a small business and I was a musician so I understand the shameless self promotion. there are good ways to do it, and there are bad. I'm not going to treat them differently just because they made a stupid choice.
True, but those kinds of people deserve a third toaster instead. This way they have time to reflect on their life choices while waiting for that pop tart.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:51:11 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha. Well hopefully he had a realization over the bottle of Johnny Walker Blue I got them as a present. I can't remember what I got her.. I think it was something cheap off the registry.
fuidiot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:20:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't....know....something about your....speech. Where can I get this stuff and how much!?!?!?
malackey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At least it was the happy couple. I went to a wedding where the MoH spent her speech talking about the amazing career opportunity she found with some kombucha drink, and that it was also nice some people got married.
There is a special place in hell just for multi-level marketers.. It's probably a series of cascading toilets, where the Devil takes a fiery shit and it falls on the heads of everyone below.
Zarqon ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:20:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Used to work the night shift at a gas station. One of my co-workers fell for a pyramid scheme and tried to recruit me as well.
Now, at night, there's really not much going on there. So after one or two shifta of trying, she realized I'm not falling for it so she called up the guy who recruited her for reinforcement.
Long story short, I passed like 3 hours of my shift by shooting down every point he was trying to make, with logic like this.
So, I'm having a health food party tomorrow. Can I mark you down as going or should I just barge in on whatever party you go to next with powerpoints?
anang242 ยท 479 points ยท Posted at 15:54:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
This actually happened to me. I was a naive college girl and this other girl in my dorm was super peppy and asked if I want to come to a "cool party" tomorrow. I was a huge nerd so I said sure. The next day we go and as I enter the apartment I see some chairs setup and an easel with drawing paper (a makeshift whiteboard). I'm like huh, maybe Pictionary later? Cringeworthy naรฏvetรฉ. So we sit down in the chairs and out comes this dude and he starts talking to everyone like they all know something I don't. It gets further in and I suddenly realize it's a fucking Amway presentation. Now I'm totally stuck because I got a ride with her and have no idea where the hell I am. After I was finally home I vowed never to go to unknown parties again (that promise did not hold).
That happened to me once :( At some point, the Amway dude pulls out a check, hiding the amount from us, and goes, "What do you consider a really large amount to earn in a year?"
I said, "100K" because that's what I'd consider large.
The guy scoffed and looked uncomfortable and went, "No, I mean, a reasonable amount for a check."
I've been there as well. A friend of mine called me one day and told me we should meet up and catch up on stuff, since we hadn't seen each others for quite some time. I never expected to find 6 other people staying at his place, and him doing a fucking PowerPoint presentation.
I just politely listened, had fun tracking the inconsistencies in that presentation exercise, and just told him "no" at the end of it. No need to even try to argue as they'll have everything prepared for that as well anyway, and I didn't want to waste more time (but he wasn't prepared for a negative answer without any discussion).
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:40:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of that time I went in to interview for an internship, only to get pitched Southwest Advantage.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:12:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That just reminded me of the scene from Fear and Loathing with the business guy being afraid to go into a bathroom after seen Hunter and the Hippie with LSD.
Except, it's you and parties now. Godspeed.
JewJutsu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me, though it wasn't a party. I just met a random woman at a bookstore, she asked if I wanted to make extra income so I said sure. She told me about her business and told me she can tell me all about it later. So we met up, she took me to some guy's house and there was an immediate pitch for Amway. Considering I heard about it on reddit, I immediately started laughing and then all the attention was on me. I couldn't leave until it was done though since that woman was my ride home...
The sad thing is, I think I would have actually been more interested in it if I didn't know about Amway beforehand.
sashay33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, unknown parties usually end up being the best ones.
This shit happened to me too, but I also met my best friend in college this way. Me and my neighbor got roped into this shit. Btw, they take you in their own car on purpose so you can't leave. Anyways, I start talking with my neighbor on the way there, find out we have a lot in common, and instantly become good friends. Get to the party, and realize there's only one drink available, some weird energy drink. That when I immediately got suspicious. Talked to my newly made friend, we both agreed that if this was a scheme we would leave. You know what happens next. Some dude in a fancy suit explains how he has a nice bmw or whatever the fuck he said and he just needed an initial investment to make us rich too. As soon as he's done talking, I immediately tell some of the guys trying to swindle us to fuck off with their pyramid scheme. They kick me out quickly, and my friend follows me.
So there we were, at 1 AM, in the middle of Atlanta with no car and shitty cell service. We thankfully found some cops who told us where the nearest subway station was. We also told them where the party was happening and what they were trying to do. Dunno if the cops did anything about it. We were so fucking pissed we didn't even care if we could have gotten mugged walking in the middle of Atlanta through shady fucking streets. We barely caught the last train and made it back to our dorms at like 2 AM. At least I got a good friend out of it.
This actually happened to me once. Met a girl while shopping who said she was looking for pals and ask that we meet. I arrived at our meeting place first and ordered a glass of wine. She showed up a few minutes later carrying her laptop and apologizing profusely for being late. I didn't think much of it until I asked how her day was and she responded by opening her laptop to a power point slide that was already pulled up and said, " It was great! Let's get started." then proceeded to pyramid scheme me. I wanted to die the entire time.
this happened to me too! I was invited to a 4th of July party and started chatting with this really cool guy. He was super interested in the type of work I do, my job satisfaction, my side freelance work... and asked me to stick around a bit later because some more of his friends were coming by and they'd think I was super fun. I'm like aww yeah networking, flattery and bbq!
His friends showed up an hour later, set up a projector and immediately launched into a presentation about Wake Up Now. I sat through the presentation and politely declined.
They then asked me to reimburse them for the food and beers I had consumed since I wouldn't be signing up.
JewJutsu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
8oD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Freshly scraped off of my cast iron skillet!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Mmmm sometimes that can be delicious though because there are MEAT PIECES
Or maybe I'm just super gross?
8oD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, that is what e French call fond. Adding some red wine and reducing it for a sauce is spectacular. I was simply implying letting a stick of butter melt and wad it back together when it solidifies.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I WANT TO DO THIS.
8oD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Look for some Good Eats episodes on Ytube. The tenderloin two-parter is beyond excellent.
Motivation: ABrown uses the remains in the pan after panfrying tenderloin steaks and adds a jigger of coniac, heavy cream and more pepper. I made it once, the sauce can be a bit tricky, but let it thicken in the pan, then BAM! sauce.
What's up with this? I saw a thread about italian bread here yesterday, but I've seen nothing else about it, even though it felt like that thread was referencing something else.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:00:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up with a mom who was into baking. I always thought it was odd we had things called French or Italian bread as if there was only one kind of bread in either place.
My favorite lunch as a child was lettuce sandwiches with mayo. Hell I still love them that's my one what-the-actual-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-youre-a-grown-person food quirks.
Pun-Chi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The bread is cheap and the butter is cold. Torn bread for you!
matted- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
โDinner would have been splendid...if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, and the maid as willing as the Duchess.โ
โ Winston S. Churchill
Ace1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The waiter at the open bar doesn't know how to make a Manhattan (actually happened to us at a FYE party).
plipyplop ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 14:38:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
...and the worst part of the dinner was when I actually bought into his scheme.
But wait there's more. I invite you to dinner to surprise you with my pyramid scheme pitch, but as I'm vegan I've invited you to the only Vegan restaurant in town, the kind that doesn't ever serve cola
Ha had a guy try to get me into that too. He didn't really have a response when I pointed out that over 90% of those involved don't even make minimum wage doing it via their income statement
Mackem101 ยท 162 points ยท Posted at 14:18:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We are not a pyramid scheme, we are a Triangle Team.
Apparently they are using "Network Marketing" now. At least that's what the chick doing beach body on my fb called it when I told her it sounded like a pyramid scheme.
[deleted] ยท 188 points ยท Posted at 15:21:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reverse funnel system.
GunNNife ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 16:00:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's what my PowerPoint covers for the first 2 hours.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend from college stay at my house on his way through the country. The ENTIRE weekend, every conversation we had was based on him explaining how his currency trading wasn't a a pyramid scheme. If I was doing the dishes or laundry, he would pull up a youtube video on his phone of some guy making $500,000 in one trade, or when I had friends over, he switched the app on the tv to youtube so he could try and get people interested.
Eventually I asked him how many trades he's actually made, and he said, "w-w-well.. it's not so much about the trades, but I've made 6 or 7." I basically told him to fuck off after that and not bring it up again. He didn't end up staying at my house that evening, and made a big deal about taking his bags with him. Good riddance.
Saedeas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Unless I'm misunderstanding, currency trading (as in forex stuff?) isn't a pyramid scheme at all. It's arbitrage and bullshit rent-seeking, sure, but so are vast portions of our financial markets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:38 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
forex is an incredibly complex pyramid scheme. You have to pay an entrance fee, and you have to pay a fee per trade which is distributed to the people above you, and you can make money without ever actually trading. I don't know if it's a pure pyramid scheme, but it boils down to pretty much bullshit. If you know how to trade currency I wouldn't go with that platform.
[deleted] ยท 109 points ยท Posted at 14:44:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
jsmooth7 ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 15:48:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh but you see, it's not a pyramid scheme. It's multiple-level marketing! You get to be an independent business owner selling shitty energy drinks and granola bars, and if you work hard enough, one day you will have a literal pipeline of money going into your house.
Yeah fuck you too Amway.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck Amway to hell and back
JewJutsu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:34:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't understand this. The woman who tried to recruit me was telling me how her and her husband and parents have their own businesses, but it was really just Amway...Like, it's not your own business!
When I was in college one of my coworkers kept telling me he was a businessman as his side job. As a business major I thought he might be a good guy to network with. He asked me to go to one of his business meetings with him and it was an amway event. So disappointing.
Really? It seemed like the majority of reddit hated it. I felt like I was one of the few who actually thought it was awesome. Some parts were better than season 1 (please don't downvote me to oblivion!)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:56 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I ended up watching the whole thing on a plane last month. It wasn't bad at all, just not as good as the first.
I'm not sure if I loved or hated Vince Vaughan's character, though. On the one hand, he was interesting but on the other, he didn't seem like a real person.
I was grocery shopping with my GF a few years ago after recently moving to a new city together.
"Bumped" shopping carts into this nice couple who also happened to be from Florida originally, they invite us to dinner. Usually that's way to forward for me but we were new to the area looking for something to do.
Arrive at their place expecting to make new friends and they give us the hard sell on Amway.
I kept the Amway sales techniques dvd he let me borrow and never returned it. Got them good.
Whatever you do, don't watch that DVD. They curse those bad boys. When you watch it... well.. that's how a friendly couple like that becomes a galactic empire.
NealS63 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:13:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I knew a guy who did something similar. He was trying to create a spin-off of a popular church in the area. His would be down the road about two hours away.
Anyway. He would invite friends over for dinner and at the last second "surprise them with a pitch" and ask for a donation/seed money. My brother was one of his victims and told him very frankly that it's unethical to do something like that. I believe the guy stopped after that but I'm not sure.
olnp ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:57:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I had two friends, a couple, that always tried this shit. I guessed early on what they were doing so never fell for it. It's baffling how these people can deny that something is a pyramid scheme even if you explain it to them in simplest terms with evidence.
It really is very simple. If the only way to make money is by recruiting other people, then it's a pyramid scheme.
They probably know. But once they get someone believe them, they're suddenly much much higher. People who do this aren't about the morals or the product. It's about the money
I've got this old neighbor I see at the bar every now and then. We bullshit, we drink, always a good time. Until all of a sudden I'm getting pitched for the millionth time to do the Nerium bullshit.
Somehow, she managed to be one of the very few people to be successful enough to get a car from the company.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:18:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wait. Wait.
You want us to sell Amway?
It's Confederated Products. It's a...It's a different company. It's a different quality of product.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:16:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when I was 21 and was dumb enough to get into one of those. There was a guy we worked with who said he could get a bunch of people to attend a get together where we would ask them to join up (friend's dad was doing the presenting). Said there would also be pizza.
All he told the 6 people that showed up was "free pizza party," then they show up and get ambushed by a guy asking them to join. They were fucking pissed, and we ended up looking like huge assholes.
Sorry to say, but you did more than look like assholes.. :/
But, the way you phrased that makes me believe you may have taken that a little harder on yourself than those people were probably pissed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:06 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, they were pretty pissed lol. And we didn't find out until the next day that they weren't told, so we were all like "yeah, man, the only limit to making money is your own motivation" and ither garbage.
It was all good in the end, because we all kind of knew each other anyway. It was more of a "hey dick, thanks for the 'free' pizza" kind of moment.
bartello ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:25:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The door is unlocked but I spent a fortune on my Real Fake Doors. There are 50 of them. You get one guess. You were blind folded on the way in. You can buy an extra guess for 35 dollars.
But with these new age vitamin berry waters, I can't die! That's why you need to buy before the big market founds out about our secret revolutionary product!
Besides, I hired security. No one leaves before 11pm.
I'll navy seal copypasta those fucks. They are not prepared for real life John McClane to step into this deviously engineered pyramid scheme pitch. Their blood is now on your hands. You've made orphans of their children by proxy. Can you handle that? Can you handle that awesome responsibility /u/DontTrustmyResearch?
Yeah, you didn't read the agreement? By entering my home you've agreed that all life insurance from lives lost is legally in my name now. Have a free vitamin kale bread apple energy drink on the house.
I would never agree to such terms before entering unless they were a part of the ITunes terms and conditions and I was then lured into your lair. In that case I'm assuming you are the vengeful spirit of Steve Jobs come to claim people's souls that they unwittingly bargained away in the Faustian contract clause nobody has noticed this whole time. Should that happen I'll banish your soul back to the nether realm from whence you crept using a heretofore unspoken incantation designed to exorcise lesser demons. Checkmate bitch.
Only one has pestered me. I live in a major city, pretty small for a major city if you ask me, and I don't get flagged down by people at all really. I get hit with the druggies and homeless. At this point I can spot a druggie a mile away. Never a pyramid scheme person though.
I got invited to a "girls' party" a little while ago. As it turns out, it was a Pure Romance (google on your own time) thing, where we were all told that men are horrible at pleasing women, that we need all sorts of menthol gels and ridiculously strong vibrators because no matter how good our communication and how attentive our partners, they'll never get us off. Problems with this included:
Two of the girls there were in a relationship (with each other) and thus didn't give two shits about having a man fail to please them.
I'm in a quite happy and fulfilling relationship with my male fiance, and didn't appreciate her blatant sexism. Yes, it's still sexism if it's directed at men. This was cringey beyond belief because she didn't seem to know or care - just spewed all sorts of generalizations and lies.
The one who had brought her there was the only one of us who actually wanted to be there, and she pretty obviously just wanted the free toys that come with hosting a party.
I went into the back room with the saleswoman in turn, as we all did, and pretty much flat out told her that I didn't want anything because I had a fulfilling sex life. She told me that not buying anything would disappoint my host.
Nothing was under $25. We're all college age gals, and I for one don't have that kind of scratch to blow on stuff I don't need.
She made sure to have the host provide plenty of alcohol - alright, a common trick for these, but still scummy.
Noped out of their next get-together, don't plan to go back.
The food is exquisite, the surroundings are opulent, the musical accompaniment is tasteful and low key. The wine is perfectly paired with each course, and the seating plan is most conducive to interesting and entertaining conversation. And then my housemate Steve walks in wearing nothing but some stained Y-fronts and a tshirt bearing the slogan "Swallow MY Pride". He notices that one of the female guests is attractive so shouts some derogatory comments whilst rummaging in his briefs. He also threatens two of the other guests based upon their race, before vomiting onto the centerpiece and passing out.
Fuck you, Steve.
shoyurx ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 16:06:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what Y fronts are and I'm afraid to google it :(
Also, Steve sounds not unlike a former roommate of mine from South Africa, though in fairness he never actually shouted any derogatory comments at anyone. But the underwear, the vomit, the passing out - all are on point.
Actually, I was recalling it wrong. He was indeed too good for underpants. The particular situation I'm thinking of is when a female friend of mine found him passed out on our dorm room floor, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. No underpants. Next to his head was a box of chocolate chip cookies my grandma had baked and sent to me. The box of cookies was filled with my roommate's vomit.
He was actually a Chad, not a Steve. Despite the cookie incident, and many other things, I remember him fondly. Hi Chad, if you're out there.
Oh he was English South African. The only people he explicitly disliked were Afrikaners. Anyway he was no worse than a lot of American college freshmen. And he was so goddamn cheerful about it all that I couldn't really hold it against him. We were all just dumb 18 year olds.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:04 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He dislikes us because he's never allowed at any of the cool parties, because he takes every opportunity to pretend he's better than us :P
Tutush ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:31:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My uncle used to live next door to a group of South African roommates. One of them was called Adolf.
Ha. You don't even know what a leak is! If you'd gone to culinary school you'd understand that they are six feet tall and have teeth like fillet knives. You need the tongs to take them down.
source: Briefly owned a leak.
thipp ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 17:21:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're all wrong
Source: I'm a plumber
Moltk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:47:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I have no opinion on the matter but I am an engineer.
le1ca ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:32:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that a soup? U wot?
p_iynx ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:51:02 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Vichyssoise is soup. I made a carrot and potato vichyssoise for my kid sister's 10th birthday party and the girls devoured it. Also basic pastas and finger sandwiches, etc.
Napkin without napkin ring? Dam son. You must attend really nice dinners. I've never seen further than "napkin box thing" which is usually made of wood and has something sitting on top of it hat allows you to still comfortably drag a napkin out from beneath, but in the event of a breeze, it insures no napkins depart said wooden napkin box. What are you and your friends doing for dinner later this week? Can I join?
But you eat from the outside in, assuming you are having the salad as a starter/entrรฉe that is the correct order.
for2fly ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 14:55:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Napkin without napkin ring
Napkin rings are not for formal dinners or to be used when entertaining guests. Their intended use is so you and your family can reuse your cloth napkins. The ring holds the napkin between meals, keeping it ready for reuse at your place at the family table.
[deleted] ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 16:06:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wikipedia is a site maintained by the commoners, and as such is not to be trusted for rules of formal dinner etiquette, as those of such low birth will not have been properly educated on such matters.
A "napkin ring"-less napkin is one of the top 3 disappointing aspects of the worlds most disappointing dinner party? Not bad food? bad people? non-existent sexy singles in your area that are looking FOR YOU?
The difference between a ringed napkin and an unringed one is not merely decorative. No, sir, it is the difference between the rule of law and anarchy.
Classy move not calling me classless, it was implied. I like it, definitely going to incorporate your etiquette into my lifestyle. This was a learning experience, thank you.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:50:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I once went to a dinner where they served champagne in wine glasses.
I still have nightmares.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:19:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No soup spoons
2OP4me ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:31:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Theres no such thing as a salad knife... salad fork yes, but no knife.
Ah, the napkin ring. There's a lot of debate on that thing. Some people refuse to use them, because they're from a time where laundry was not done every day, so the ring was to let you know which napkin belonged to who. Modern laundering methods have rendered them unnecessary.
Edit: Now if only I had scrolled down far enough to see that someone already mentioned this.
"Frank, please. Stop trying to go through my snacks to make hors d'oeuvres. No, we don't need music and everyone already has a drink. For gods sake, Frank sit down! You have a problem!"
The intervention is in the form of a good dinner party to exemplify how dinner parties should be, while simultaneously telling the person they throw shitty dinner parties and telling them that you're there because you care about them and their entertaining capabilities.
I've always wanted to host an intervention for a friend for something stupid. A really involved prank, if you will, and everybody stays totally emotionally invested the whole time.
Like, hold an intervention for liking Harry Potter too much. Or shopping at Whole Foods too often. Or rolling over too much in your sleep.
You'll walk into the house and you can expect to smell candles bought at the dollar store, and one of those sample cd's that have like 4 mediocre jazz songs on them (the CD is on repeat by the way). You'll sit down at the table and for the appetizer I will be serving pasta with no sauce, and wilty salad with no dressing. To drink there will be champagne, just kidding, it's sparkling cider I got from the discount market. For the main course I will be serving, broccoli that's been steam cooked for far too long, microwaved "baked" potatoes with nothing to put on them besides low fat, salt free, off brand butter. And tough overcooked steak that's not hot anymore. And for desert I will be serving low fat, gluten and sugar free, vegan oatmeal and raisin cookies. Enjoy :)
[deleted] ยท 290 points ยท Posted at 12:24:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
I feel certain that when I was a child everyone loved raisins. I feel like someone complained about them once and everyone jumped on the circlejerk and is in too deep now
Scipion ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:01:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm with you buddy. I love raisin's. I'll eat them by the handful as a snack gladly. Grapes aren't really my thing though.
Tutush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I love grapes but I can't eat more than 5 at a time for some reason.
Fuck raisins! They took a decent fruit, that can be turned into a tasty adult or child beverage, and instead made it into some disgusting pill of chewy remorse. It's candy for old people that have spent a lifetime smoking and can't taste things anymore. It even looks like they do: the shriveled up existence of what they used to be. Raisins aren't food, they're depression in a box.
critfist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Even low fat, gluten free, sugar free oatmeal cookies? Without flour gluten, sugar, or butter, then what are you making? A water, oatmeal, and raisin mush?
Scipion ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:03:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not even vegan and I love vegan cookies (but really, is there even such things as a bad cookie?). Rolled oats and mushed banana + raisins and cinnamon (the cinnamon is important in boosting the sweetness), cooked on ~350F for ~20 minutes for a cookie the size of your hand. Awesome stuff.
critfist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:09 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, I know with things like banannas it's Delicious, When you make cookies you need the sugar, fat and "glue."
I am not sure if I am misinterpreting your comment by inferring that you mean that the cookies are missing glue, so forgive me if I'm being redundant. But the bananas act as a binding agent just as eggs do, and I believe apple sauce can be used as well.
CaptHoff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Right there with you. Everyone I know hates raisins cookies except me.
There's only two things I like that I don't mind that there's raisins in them. Oatmeal raisin cookies are one of them. Raisin bran somehow is another one.
Lidesia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, me too, but probably not if they were low fat, sugar free, vegan cookies. Cookies are a fucking dessert, desserts are indulgent, making them low fat and sugar free defeats the purpose.
And for desert I will be serving low fat, gluten and sugar free, vegan oatmeal and raisin cookies.
If you're trying to tell me that raisin cookies are bad then you can just go home pal. Those things are absolutely stellar and if you think otherwise your opinions are wrong.
shoyurx ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:02:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
They're sugar free raisins though (is that a thing?)
MikeKM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I love my mother, but this sounds like her cooking. Everything is overcooked, meat/steak is always well done because of fears of salmonella. Her excuse? That's the way food was always done on the long gone family farm.
And for desert I will be serving low fat, gluten and sugar free, vegan oatmeal and raisin cookies. Enjoy :)
I don't know if you've tried much GF food, but it's generally tastier due to the worse for you, higher calorie ingredients they have to substitute....but...they also go stale more easily and far more quickly.
Replace the desert with an awkwardly inserted birthday cake by the hosts mother and you and a handful of guest just awkwardly sing happy birthday as you realize it's actually said person birthday
Asked mom what was for dinner, prime rib (that's good I like prime rib and she makes it pretty well) and baked potatoes (not so well). The baked potato part throws me off so much I go pick up something to eat instead of prime rib.
I think bacon, chives, sour cream, butter, and cheese are amazing. The potato just seems to ruin it.
icypops ยท 424 points ยท Posted at 11:24:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The food just doesn't taste good. Like it's not awful but it just doesn't taste right, so people are taking a few bites and then just pushing the rest around their plate.
There's some tension between the guests. Sharon was sleeping with Tom and he gave her crabs so they haven't really spoken for a while. There was no seating plan and because they showed up late they ended up sitting together which just made things worse. Everyone knows what happened but is pretending to not know, and Tom is taking every chance to make slight digs at Sharon because he's bitter that she stopped seeing him so everyone is trying to keep the conversation away from topics he can twist around to them but he keeps finding new and inventive ways.
The dog keeps whining at people's feet to beg for food but there's nowhere to put him because he tears rooms apart when he's left unsupervised so everyone has to just ignore him.
Ultimately everyone pretends to be having a good time but once it's finished they all vow not to come to a dinner party here again.
EDIT: or it could go like my last dinner party where I made chilli which should have been delicious but my pepper grinder spilled open and peppercorns fell into the chilli when I had no ingredients to remake it. My fiancรฉ went through it thoroughly with a spoon but there were some still in there.
Ultimately everyone pretends to be having a good time but once it's finished they all vow not to come to a dinner party here again.
It's funny how much drinking can solve this problem. Pretending to have a good time can dive into actually having a great time, for everyone involved, after just a couple glasses of wine each. Things go from a "oh god someone make this less awkward" into "This night started off slow, but smoothed out and I had a good time!".
The issue is, half the people in the party are driving and won't stay over or find other ways home, and the other half won't drink because their spouse can't.
And ultimately Tom and Sharon, after a healthy dose of drinks each, wind up shacking up in the only bathroom in the house while a line begins to form. This is bad enough, but everyone has had to listen to the two of them bitch for the past couple weeks and were finally starting to get them to calm the fuck down, and you just KNOW this is going to rekindle a wave of name calling and "How can you be friends with him/her?" At which point you have to remind them that you're neutral. That, and that line finally made Jake take his drunk ass out back where, as he's whizzing, gets spotted by the neighbor who calls the cops on you.
And yet when I suggest it I feel like an alcoholic. I'm not looking forward to getting older when I can't rely on my friends to drink as much as they do now
Equally as awkward as tension between the guests would be tension between the HOSTS...their marriage is starting to fall apart, they spend the entire time sniping at each other passive aggressively, one of them frequently has to leave the room the cry, etc.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:02:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh boy, crabs? I remember my friend in rez at uni saying his dad (doctor) told him that you can't really catch anything from a toilet seat, except crabs. You can get crabs from a toilet seat. No idea if this is actually true.
Your edit... noooooo! That's the worst thing in the world. And all your friends go "no... I'm sure it's great... don't worry about it" and you know they don't really believe you're a good cook and they'll never truly trust you to cook for them again.
And you're so hungry and spent so long making the goddamn chilli :(
[deleted] ยท 557 points ยท Posted at 10:48:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Actually I love hanging around with him. The thing that makes me sad is that I know his behavior is probably annoying to other people, even though I find it cute. He's not a brat or anything, just has a lot of energy and isn't exactly in control of his "inside voice" yet.
Sylente ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:18:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, sounds like a three year old. At least you're aware that he can be annoying. I'm hoping that means you try to control his behavior in public somewhat. It seems that some parents are not as aware, which is the real issue. Hope you and your son have a great future!
Thanks! Yeah I try to keep him calm in public and also spend most of our time in places where there are a lot of other kids. Wouldn't take him to a fancy restaurant for example. Not yet.
Sylente ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:27:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
On behalf of restaurant-goers everywhere, thank you.
Before going to attend any social event, I have to run down a mental checklist. Are kids even welcome? If so, who else is bringing their kids? Did I pack enough toys and books? Will there be a TV and DVD player available? If not, I should bring my phone charger. How late is the party going?
I'm often just better off calling the grandparents and seeing if they can watch her for the evening.
Ugh. I just went to an adult party with previously mentioned heavy alcohol consumption a couple nights ago and someone brought their 3 year old. He slapped one of the other guest in the face, hit me a couple times on the back, tried to rip the Mic cord out of the console/persons hand while they were singing karaoke and spilled my drink all over my phone and cards while we were playing a card game. And every guest knows the hosts aversion to children so that made it even worse.
Definitely. I was like "ooh tofu! a dinner party for me, a vegetarian!" but... no seasoning... not even salt? man...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. I'll have baked tofu with only salt to season (I prepare a batch to put in salads then I lazily eat it straight), but anything less is horrifying.
jsmooth7 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:50:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Extra points if you start talking about being vegan and how seasoning or sauces would compromise the purity of the tofu or some shit like that, without anyone asking about it of course.
A lot of the people behind that cartoon went on to make the current great cartoons. It's cool how so many cartoons are connected like Adventure Time, Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, and even Rick and Morty had creators that worked together on various shows before doing their own show.
Zerotan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
See... you aren't necessarily the cause of the disappointment... but you are necessarily there. Therefore this answer is correct for all dinner parties in this thread.
Not sure why people are ragging on you...
[deleted] ยท 447 points ยท Posted at 11:16:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Overcooked Steak.
Cheap, bad wine.
The only topic of conversation is politics. Everyone is a Trump supporter but you.
Enjoy.
tang81 ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 14:46:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No Huckabee or Santorum supporters? I'm ok with this.
I'm still not sure how, but Trump supporters are miles better to deal with than Santorum supporters. I spent the holidays with a tableful of them a few years ago... my family is pretty conservative :-/
tang81 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:02:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on the Trump supporter. Sandtorum attracts the ultra religious right. But Trump has 2 camps. The "Fuck yeah, 'Murica!" The type that just follows into his narcissistic-"I'm the best"- anything but a politician talk. Or the camp that believes that running the U.S. govenment should be run like a corporation. Take that as you will, but I've found the second group to be more receptive to discussion.
my dad falls into the 2nd camp for sure. I'd say he is pretty open to discussion but is unflappable on his opinions. My mom is a santorum and carson fan. She is unbearable if engaged in political discussion. Jesus this, jesus that, have I found Jesus yet?
sammysfw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:38:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's also the "fuck it, how could we do any worse?" camp, and their close cousins, the ones that just want to watch the world burn. Most of the Trump supporters I've met are in one of those two.
Frankly, sounds fine to me. I like steak unless it's frozen or charcoal black. I haven't met a wine too cheep to drink. And I think trump supporters are hilarious even when they're distasteful.
Politics I'd be half interested in hearing about, regardless of their views. Sports are basically like someone talking about some excel sheet data that you don't know or care about to me. Unless they're talking about actually playing the sport, which people rarely are.
And your girlfriend didn't tell you it was a political fundraiser and you owe for two plates at $200 a plate.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:47 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I can still have a grand time with that, but the politics talk is going to kill the evening.
883Guy ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 14:38:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A main course that's taking way too long and winds up not being able to feed everyone.
A couple that's been together too long so they start passively attacking each other in conversation, making everyone else uncomfortable.
Truly awful light beer.
One of the guests has hardcore diarrhoea.
The entire house is lined with lead, making it a dead zone inside.
A complete stranger keeps soliciting you about your political view.
Things happened, someone was murdered and you're not completely innocent so you can't leave.
Yes, but the trash can is plastic and is releasing toxic fumes all over your food. Also, the trash can was full of little baggies of dog poop from neighbors dumping them in as they walk by.
Yeah, I did 'chips cheese and gravy' but gave it a fancy name so everyone expected something more up market (I called it 'fromage and frites with a beef jus')
Twoisnoe ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 14:48:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
You can expect to see THIS FABULOUS ITEM
But wait, there's more! Slide the top apart, and it has THESE beneath!
BUT WHAT DOES IT DO? Why, it keeps the food warm, beside the cough banquet table, until you are ready to serve it.
My late Nana had one, she used to use it when dishing up for special guests. Why make a mess of just pots, pans, and dishes, when you can add to the aftermath! Keep your peas and carrots lukewarm in this awesome late 70's/early 80's Faux wood-paneling throwback, just perfect for the kind of person who cannot bear to see things like a humble milk bottle or margarine container on the table, because it's NOT THE DONE THING.
And therefore, the Trolley Hostess Bain Marie, Philips Electric Food Warmer is the star of the evening. I will talk about it incessantly, praising every feature, whilst mentioning that in 2013, according to the Daily Mail, it was making a bit of a comeback! - Or as my Nana (bless her would-be elitist heart) liked to call it, the Maitre d'! - seriously, I thought that was the name of the damn thing. I've spent ages trying to find an image of what it actually was, for this world's most awesome disappointing dinner party.
It'll probably be an okay party at the end though. Because in keeping with my Grandfather's preference for not spending too lavishly (and I love him as well, and miss him!), for the wine, we'd have a generic red 'something', poured straight from the foil lined box, and we'd drink and drink and drink until everything was wonderful again.
Did I mention the fake wooden veneer? :D
P.S.
I know what you're thinking. "I TOTALLY need one of those, for We-totally-cooked-too-much-Turkey Day/Christmas-The-Aftermath eating (I don't come from America, but you can tell me all about it!) And if you're from the UK, why, you're simply not equipped for a proper dinner party without it. So come to mine. I won't shut up about it. It'll be amazing. Luke warm food! Veneer!
-edited, to break that lot up into paragraphs a bit. I told you I wouldn't shut up! :D
I'm glad you were able to get that out of your system.
Twoisnoe ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:23:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But I've only just begun..! Come. Let me continue to honour the dreadful dinner party. I shall put a little Julio Iglesias on the record player, and proceed to take exceptionally poor flash photography where the picture will ultimately show just your head at the bottom of the picture, or else crop the top of your head clean off. For the quaintly modern, we will scan these, and put them on - what is it? the Facebook? Also, I will chase you around the room with drink coasters. Because you might possibly put your drink down on some precious wooden furniture and leave a ring mark. And that would be terrible. Admire this fine print of "A boy at a writing desk" on the wall - it is a print by Renoir. Mmm. Yes.
( It is not so much out of my system, rather, it is a degradation of a true history of chaos from a certain time in my life, called "Living with my Grandparents". ;) )
animar37 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:43:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to hear you praise this thing while getting more and more drunk.
Twoisnoe ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:16:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I would too! Where's the port? :D
(Also, if I had access to the best quality LSD - that would be - well. I'd either become terrified of the thing, or be drawn hypnotically towards the veneer. Or find the deeper meaning behind a mixed bowl of peas and julienned carrots.)
Incidentally - Julienned or chopped-into-circles? WHAT is the most appealing presentation of the carrot form, within the steamy depths of the glass holders of this edifice? I'm thinking that the contrast between the roundness of the pea, and perfectly sliced sticks of carrot would be the best.
The delight of the Trolley Hostess, is surely its ability to withhold the magnificence of the gustatorial spread from one's vision until all is ready, then voila! The hallowed top covers are slid apart with music not dissimilar to Also Sprach Zarathustra - ideally performed by this wonderful group - although in deference to my Nana, perhaps Begin the Beguine, by dear Julio. Or Ravel's Bolero. Yes, maybe that.
This was my favorite response of the thread. You are a fantastic storyteller. ๐ธ
Twoisnoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:41:30 on November 16, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
In honour of your kindness, I present you with this fine avocado-and-prawn cocktail, nestled in a lettuce leaf, in what I think must be some variant on a margarita glass. (Thankyou for making my day! :D )
Well done steak served on styrofoam or paper plates, pre-slathered with generic ketchup to soften it up. Sawing through the dry grey slab with flimsy plastic utensils is like trying to cut bricks with a butter knife. Tall glass of milk to wash it down, served in a greasy plastic cup that has somehow survived since the 1980's.
If you don't like well done steak, they've got dangerously undercooked chicken. Still cold inside. Also slathered with ketchup.
By the time you're finished choking down your gourmet meal, there's nothing left of the plate. You ate it, but didn't notice.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:21:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
With plastic silverware that breaks.
Scp-1404 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like a room in Hell.
Kudhos ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:58:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's everything you can possibly imagine but you're only allowed to take 1 thing.
You have never had wilted spinach salad before? You make this warm bacon dressing that is to die for. Literally because you use the bacon fat to make it and then put the bacon in the salad. Your cholesterol goes up 15 points just by being in the same room with it but OMG it's good.
The music plays, the drinks sit on the table, the jaunty decorations sit awesomely on their walls and the glow of everyone's phones perfectly illuminate their faces as they sit in impassive silence, tapping or swiping now and then.
Two guests spot each other on Tinder, one swipes left, one swipes right. The hopeful one looks up expectantly across the table and is met with studied indifference.
God, that annoys me no end. I went to a concert with a couple of friends last week. One of them was texting her boyfriend throughout, the other was taking and posting photos to the Facebook. Just enjoy the fucking moment, dipfarts.
Texting would imply that he/she really wasn't interested or maybe disappointed. Or maybe they got dragged along and really just don't care. Or a myriad of other reasons so what?
reach apartment, knock on the door
"It's open, Jesus.."
walk into apartment, hallway's not lit, there are 3 guys sitting on the couch. The host is on his phone checking Instagram and the other two are sleeping. You attempt a "hey man" but a person comes out of the bathroom next to you and shoves you before you can finish your "man"
"MOVE! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING STANDING OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM?"
The person who shoved you is a short 14 year old Vietnamese kid with a bowl cut
"So uh, got anything to drink?"
host ignores you
"Yo, anything to drink?"
"There's a gas station 3 blocks away, go get a sprite or something. Sorry I'm not an soft drink station.."
You turn around and notice an alpaca on the balcony
"What's with the.. Um.. What's with the alpaca?"
host rises from his seat and throws an ashtray at you
"WHATS WITH THE FUCKING QUESTIONS? YOU A COP OR SOMETHING?"
you dodge the ashtray but it smashes the Vietnamese kid's face open. He's now on the floor shouting "BUUUUUU BUUUUUUU"
"Look man I just want like a beer or something.."
"BEER?? YOU MEAN THE DEVIL'S NECTAR?"
*the two sleeping guys awaken and start screeching. You bolt towards the door and try to open it. There's a passcode lock on the door.
"4168! It's 4168!" you hear coming from the balcony. The alpaca appears to be aiding your departure.
"QUIET, ZANZIBAR! THATS ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!"
you punch in 4168 and it works. You sprint out of there, the screeches fading away with every step
Slightly off topic, at work the other day someone was complaining about eastern Europeans taking British jobs, tge kicker, this bloke wss born in DR Congo, raised in Belgium and now works in a factory in north east England.
This was our family's Thanksgiving dinner this year, thanks to some new friends my aunt invited. At one point, between racist complaining, one of the guests said "I don't know why no one says The Lord's Prayer in school any more!".
Not enough wine in the world.
lukeyf88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:24:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I feel your pain here, keep it topped up in future!
My mom has celiac disease and my girlfriend is a vegetarian. I am neither, but I can confirm that veggie burgers and gluten free pastries are the fucking bomb if you know what brands to buy.
Udi's brand bread and bagels and things like that, usually pretty great. Van's frozen waffles. Tapioca flour. Bob's Red Mill baking mixes, lots of different kinds, I don't remember exactly what my mom uses. Essentially, learn to bake and you'll be fine.
For vegetarians- buy Morningstar frozen veggie burgers, put them in the garbage where they belong. Buy refrigerated veggie burgers instead. Get Lightlife, Gardein, Gardenburger, Qrunch. I like to make my own black bean burger patties, those will almost always be better than packaged. If you want hot dogs or sausages, Tofurkey or Lightlife are good, but Field Roast are amazing. And you can grill tofu if you're careful, I make that a lot during the summer. Cut it in strips and marinate it overnight in something strong-flavored, like sriracha, ponzu, or some kind of chili sauce. Throw foil on the grill so it doesn't fall through, cooking spray it, and put the strips on. I like to put something sugary (usually honey or bbq sauce) in my tofu marinade so it carmelizes a little. People will fall over each other to get the last pieces.
Oh, and put some goddamn condiments on your burgers. My little brother complains that veggie burgers have no flavor, meanwhile I'm eating one stacked with monterey jack, lettuce, cucumbers, and blobs of salsa. Would you order big macs with no condiments? They taste like trash.
Whoops I got angry about no-condiments people.
adcas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:13:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I choked on my Gardein chicken reading the Morningstar bit. Seriously, Morningstar is what makes vegetarians go back to eating meat. It has no business calling itself food.
My sister once found a rock in one of their mushroom burgers, and by "found" I mean it shattered one of her fucking teeth. They sent her enough money to get her mouth fixed, a $25 coupon and a recipe book.
Rocks are good for digestion. Just ask a dinosaur.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only morningstar thing I'll eat is their corn dogs, but that's because I haven't found any other veggie corn dogs.
adcas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've found myself pretty good at making my own- you can usually buy your own sticks, but honestly it's the cornbread that makes it. Yves tofu dogs + cornbread = HELL YES
shmeebz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:11 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bet that coupon made great fire starter.
adcas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She used it, then donated the food to our local food pantry. =)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Recipe for black bean burger patties?
p_iynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:11 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OMG UDI'S IS THE SHIT.
I would still eat those blueberry muffins over normal ones any day, if they weren't so goddamn expensive.
But yeah, eating gluten free really wasn't that terrible the last time I tried. I think we figured out that my stomach and autoimmune problems were due to something else because after a year off gluten I kept getting worse. But my doctor suggested it, so I originally figured "why not? I'd give up wheat pasta to not be exhausted and in pain all the time."
Sildas ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Would you order big macs with no condiments? They taste like trash.
"Veggie burgers are great, they're just like mediocre quality mass produced burgers cooked by a sixteen year old with almost no training" isn't exactly a ringing endorsement of a product. A good burger doesn't need to be drowned in condiments, because you can mask a lot of terrible cooking in condiments.
I haven't had a donut in years due to being gluten-free. Can I come? I miss donuts. A lot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Morningstar actually makes some decent fake burgers. (Not the ones with chunks of vegetables. Those are fucking disgusting. I'm talking about the classic grillers or whatever they call them.) But I'll agree with you on the fake hot dogs. Those things are just messed up. The texture, the taste, and the smell are all just wrong.
Chocolate cake is pretty close to vegetarian, it just has egg in it.
You're probably thinking of vegan.
Either way, I could easily fill up on vegan chocolate cake. It's not easy to tell the difference between stuff like vegan brownies or cookies and nonvegan ones. The hamburgers I'd be bummed about, but the hot dogs, I'd actually be willing to eat because they aren't real hot dogs.
Dude, you gotta get yourself some quality gluten free baked goods. I still prefer the real stuff, but flourless chocolate cake is the bomb if it's made right
In fact, answer the door in your undies and make them think they got the wrong date.
fdsdfg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We had one couple no-show for a party, and the next day at 7pm they showed up nicely dressed while we were in pajamas watching a movie. It was awkward to tell them to go home.
The house is done up nicely, soft music in the background. The little dog won't stop barking. The cats keep gently pawing at you when you try to eat. There's not enough chairs for everyone, so some must stand, but what chairs there are, are folding and uncomfortable, and small-even to the small framed people.
The food is unfortunate. Warm oysters on the half shell. A vegan cheese and meat plate. Mashed turnips and cauliflower made to be like mashed potatoes but no one knows that and there's no butter or salt in there. A roast that's overdone and was secretly marinated in Carolina Reaper chili extract. There's a fruit plate, but it was left too far in the back of the fridge so its all half frozen and a little gross.
After your initial knock, I open the door with a warm smile and a greeting while I let you inside. The moment you entered the house a bacon and roast beef smell lightly caresses the inside of your nose.
I lead you to the dining room which is almost full, with a few seats left. You don't know anyone, but everyone is friendly and chatty.
I enter the dining room with a silver platter and a fancy silver cover. Upon opening it, you will find those $1 pack of sandwich ham that not even your cat would eat. That bacon & roast beef smell was a lie. Those are just scented candles.
After placing the tray, I go to fetch us all a drink. I return with a tray full of glasses of wine and cheese. Only this is hobo-bag wine and that processed cheese in the bargain bin at k-mart.
After barely keeping down the wine& cheese combo, I return with desert. It's a delicious chocolate pudding, with cream!
Only its that packet of powder you mix with milk that also costs like $1. I used milk that almost went off, so you can just taste something's up. The whipped cream was also the cheapest can of whipped cream the store had.
After that we finish with a game of pictionary where everyone's pens are almost dry and struggle to draw anything.
After the party ended I handed everyone an invoice for all the costs involved as well as my hourly rate for hosting the party and cleanup costs.
Also you step in dog shit on your way to your car.
CAAD9 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 14:48:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I get the lame pop icon imagine she portrays, but Fergie is genuinely down to earth and chill as hell in person, away from cameras when she can be a real human being.
Years later when we're telling our minions about how we first became mortal enemies, going to show them a frames picture of this conversation. โค๏ธ๐๐
umphreys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:16:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I would be okay with this. and I don't even like most country music.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:12:18 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'll suffer through the music if it means I get pineapple pizza. Heck, some country music isn't even that bad. It's the ones where they're basically singing pop songs with a heavy, fake sounding twang that make me want to stab my ears.
The person on your right has an ipad full of baby pictures of their most precious treasure. An uncomfortable chair that gives you a wedgie and all the women from The View.
Ah yes, family parties. I never understood why my family room it as some sort of rule that they must always be obnoxiously boring.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:40:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The address you give everyone isn't actually your home but the nearest McDonalds. You paid the staff to play a CD you burned that is a constant loop of Seth Rogens laugh. You can't pay for everyone's meal but you do have two coupons for a small fries.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:05:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I was in my early teen years our minister held a dinner party where the main course was "chilli beans" which were undercooked kidney beans and served little else.
I proceeded to get in a very loud and heated political argument with the host over something and another.
His young child wandered in with one hand in his underwear scratching away. It looked like he was playing with himself.
The guy was very fond of his homebrewed beer which was served alongside the beans. I was allowed a small glass which was so bad it put me off of beer for a long time.
It got so bad that the rest of the guests fled the table and retreated to the living room as the host and I argued away.
Finally, the undercooked beans made everyone extremely flatulent.
Great party.
I would be hard pressed to come up with anything much worse than that.
Myself and a friend of mine (we will call him Mike because that is his name) had just returned from two different overseas trips when a third friend invited us for a cookout at his place to meet his new GF. He advises us to BYOM (bring your own meat).
My buddy and myself bring burgers for ourselves and potato salad because we love some potato salad.
We arrive and there are no condiments. He is cooking on a George Foreman Grill. There is no beer, nor soda, nor anything but water. There are no napkins.
He proceeds to tell us about how he cut booze out of his life for the better and we should too because it really should be illegal, dumped his ex (great girl, intelligent, attractive, great sense of humor, had a career), and has been all around changing himself for the better. I ask how and he yells "by becoming an asshole!"
Mike asks why BYOM if he had all those Bubba Burgers. Former friend laughs and says he just enjoyed toying with us.
We meet the new GF, who does not utter more than three words. She's impolite, dropped out of school twice, unattractive, and does not work. She asks me to leave my potato salad outside because she hates potato salad.
Mike and me begin texting back and forth like mischievous school girls, making sure we both are on the same page about how weird this all is.
The crescendo of the disappointment came when he turned to us mid-way through choking down our dry, sauce and veggie-less burgers and asked us if he knew why he had brought us here. I'm sensing perhaps he was going to kill us and put us in the basement at this point and am actively scanning the room for drug paraphernalia. He turns to his GF and with his cellphone in hand with the Kay Jeweler's website opens...asks her to marry him.
We laughed it off and said we would give it some thought while shuffling towards the door.
Sorocco ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:49:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Undercooked goose, only camp Kamchatka (6 pint glass minimum of of a shitty vodka) to drink and no ice. Everyone is dope sick and have derringers in their sleeves and are welcome to shoot. Last person standing gets fee heroin
Just full of "foodies" and people who know more than professional chefs but don't work anywhere near the industry.
Made an exquisite cake that took 20 hours? Amazing....wait is that fondant?! You are literally Hitler. But better go upvote the karma whores who are just sharing a stupid "recipe" gif they found on imgur.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:22:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This would be an absolute shitfest
game004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You mean no toilet paper?
Sorocco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:49:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Undercooked goose, only camp Kamchatka (6 pint glass minimum of of a shitty vodka) to drink and no ice. Everyone is dope sick and have derringers in their sleeves and are welcome to shoot. Last person standing gets fee heroin
obiedo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:07:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He said disappointing. A pizza based dinner party may be the only one I'd ever want to attend
obiedo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:58:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, a few replies now have said this.
Well if you actually had expectations for a dinner party to be disappointed in the first place, you probably expected to taste the food someone else cooked, the wine they chose, and prepared yourself for a 3-course-meal and see how your friends have outdone themselves this time. Even if it sucked.
Not so much the food, but the social aspect; the whole concept of a dinner party.
And then they ordered pizza.
I'd be like "I got ready, dressed well, left my comfortable couch and drove through traffic for this? Domino's PIZZA?!?! I could've done this at home in my underwear!!!"
So yeah, I'd be a little pissed they got me over there for that.
Oh boy! based on a family tradition , i say bread ,fresh tomatoes and olive oil accompanied with constant questionnin of "are you guys staying for dinner? come on stay!" as a way to push guest to leave. Also all food or gifts or whatever the guests bring will never see the light of day again.
Jehovah's Witness representatives would greet you upon entering the house, giving you copies of The Watchtower and subjecting you to a presentation on why you, too, should become a Jehovah's Witness.
drunz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:13:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fancy food cooked wrong.
Like steaks are burnt to a crisp and are bathed to death in pepper & salt. The salad uses expired dressing to kill the taste. The desert is a cake baked with like 3x the amount of sugar needed.
I wrote the menu in chiller. It's all vegan. When you arrive the smell of wet dog meets you (despite there not being any sign of a dog living in the house). I've brought my relatives. They don't speak english, and seem to be staring at you a lot. I said there would be music. It's very quiet, but my elderly grandma is still staring at you so you don't say anything. The food is slightly cold. I don't offer seconds and just give you them instead. My grandma decides to dance with you. She smells like old cabbage and new slippers. It's not a pleasant smell.
9volts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
bigangry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:03:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody these days loves throwback stuff, so the entire menu is out of 1950's cookbooks, meaning that the appetizer and entree are both enveloped in flavored gelatin! It's pectin-ariffic!
pkreed71 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:04:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only alcohol is a BOX of White Zinfandel.
newsagg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I've been to one of these.
DubPwNz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:08:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All you get is a bottle of Ensure.
Hankosha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:21:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All of the food is slightly overcooked. It's cooked enough so that it doesn't taste like it should, but cooked enough so you can somewhat enjoy it as well.
I make everyone sit through a slide show of my most disappointing failures. Upon reaching the end of the slideshow, the last photo is of the guests at the table watching the slideshow.
Well, I hope you like Big Macs and Frostys. And every person gets one of the crowns from Burger King. Oh, and by the way, you have to bring your own chair.
A lot of REALLY grear advertisements and late night infomercials months ahead of time to get people realy excited for it then when they show up the advertisements will be better than the actual event.
I will tell you I worked hard making that dish, taught to me by my mother. Really, I just poured the can into a microwavable dish, heated it, and stuck a spoon in said dish for serving.
Appetizers are so-hot-they-exploded pizza rolls (not even Totino's- generic). When you take them off the platter they slide down the toothpick and this sauce pours out all over your hand burning you. Stick around to watch "Paul Blart Mall Cop", yes both 1 & 2.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:55:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wax for dessert.
jdlyga ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bland food, and nothing but talk about everyone's tiny health problems for 4 hours.
We only have ranch as salad dressing because we can't fathom why people would want anything else and we know you have a gluten sensitivity but we really like spaghetti so we chose that for the main course. But hey at least you have salad and ranch
A table that is set but untouched because nobody showed up.
stoph311 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I would advertise it with flyers showing pictures of steak, pizza, burgers, and wings, and then when everyone shows up, I would tell them I recently became vegan and that all the food eaten that night would be derived from tofu.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:40:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Carrot sticks. That's it. Just carrot sticks.
sambt5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:40:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only food served would be eggs; Not hardboiled eggs, not raw eggs , not even softboiled. But instead eggs cooked slighly below what would be considered soft boiled so the outer layer is cooked an able to hold the egg together after peeled (with care) but spew out in a cold uncooked whites and yolk.
jasez0r ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:43:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Luke warm soup with slightly stale bread for starter - no butter.
Profiteroles for dessert, served without chocolate sauce.
The only drinks available are ginger beer and dandelion and burdock.
Ilodie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:44:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You arrive with your Significant Other and you are - just like you said you'd be - 15 minutes early. The moody silence coming from your SO shows that they know that you're right, and that they know that YOU know that you're right.
The bitter non-argument "discussion" that lasted for the first 15 minutes of the drive over (the rest of the drive was nothing but silence.) is now hanging on you heavily as you trudge up to the door. Out of pure spite you decide to knock rather than take a walk around the block to avoid being 15-fucking-minutes early.
I answer the door and from the instant you catch the look on my face you know that this is going to be one of those nights. I am frazzled, I am sweaty, my hair is everywhere, and the second I catch sight of you my face drops in disappointment.
"We're a bit early! Hope that's alright!" Your SO says with a forced grin through gritted teeth.
My face creaks its way into a stiff and very obviously fake smile. You hand over the bottle of cheap white wine that you picked up from the Dep, and awkwardly shuffle your way into my kitchen.
The kitchen is a disaster of vegetable peelings, bubbling pots and a chaos of dishes. My SO is standing in the middle of the kitchen, hands on hips - you've obviously arrived in the middle of an argument. Awkward greetings, kisses and hugs join up as I chatter too much while struggling with the meal that I'm preparing.
"We're having gnudi in nettle pesto, mushroom risotto, and a fig, goat cheese and pralined pecan salad. Hope that's alright!" I say struggling my way through the remainder of prep while you awkwardly sit in the kitchen and watch me cook.
My SO comes over and offers to help and I hiss out "maybe you should have offered a few hours ago"
You and your SO look at each other in mutual satisfaction that at least you're not the only couple that has had a tiff that night.
"What's the main course? It smells delicious!" Your SO lies.
An awkward pause.
"The mushroom risotto is the main." I say, trying to sound bright and cheerful. "I got the mushrooms from the marchรฉ this morning - delicious chanterelles and champignon de paris."
"Oh yum!" You and your SO say as you both slump a bit at the idea of a vegetarian dinner.
"Eloise is coming - she's vegetarian now." My SO says as explanation with a roll of his eyes. I slam the knife down into the cutting board, nearly breaking off the tip - you can tell this is not a new argument.
We all awkwardly sit in the kitchen, drinking the slightly-warm and too sweet wine that you bought at the dep while waiting for the others to show up. Conversations follow the same lines of work -weddings - breakups- food - vacations - christmas plans - work round and around until there's a knock at the door and I nearly jump for excitement that another couple has shown up.
It's Alice and Joe, and they show up happy and excited about the vacation that they've just come back from. The second they step back into the kitchen the energy is sucked out of them and everybody goes back to a mulish silence while I keep chattering about the dinner.
"What's the main course?" Alice asks, sending me to the brink of tears and my SO on another explanation of Eloise's new-found vegetarianism.
We wait, and wait, and wait for Eloise and Charles to show up and when they finally do they're 30 minutes late. I start to reheat dinner, and when we finally sit down it's nearly 9:30 and everybody is starving and slightly tipsy. At least the cheap wine has gone down easy and made everyone relax.
Then the horrible realization - there isn't enough wine for the evening. You bought a bottle, Alice and Joe bought a bottle, but Eloise and Charles bought dessert and I thought that everyone else would bring more than one bottle so we're left with barely any wine at dinner.
The gnudi were an absolute failure, falling apart and melting when they were poached, and turning into a runny mess with the nettle pesto. The nettles weren't poached enough and so are stringy and bitter. When you cut into the gnudi they aren't cooked all the way through and there are chunks of raw flour throughout.
The risotto, due to its cooling and reheating, is a disgusting, grey sludge that has hardened into congealed globs. The mushroom tastes haven't come through enough - I forgot to brown them well before hand - so the entire dish just tastes grey and flavourless.
In my rush to get the salad finished I didn't wash the arugula well enough so it's gritty and sandy. Everyone tries to discretely eat only the figs, goat cheese and pecans.
Eloise's dessert is a vegan zucchini loaf which she made at home. It is not cooked through and tastes like a cat's grass-vomit.
She spends the entire evening talking on and on about her new job, how she doesn't like any of the other waiters, how she's in a fight with her mum and her sister. Normally you would just tell her to shut up and let others talk, but with the warm tingle of wine fading you know it would come across as cruel instead of playful.
Instead everyone sits in silence and listens as she goes on and on. You and your SO telegraph looks to each other across the table as you finish your cat-puke-cake, trying to impart that it's time to leave right now actually.
You hear me and my SO get into another argument in the kitchen while clearing the tables, and that settles it. Somehow we've made it through 3 courses in about 45 minutes, and so - at 10:15 pm, despite being in your mid-20s - you mention that you're just so exhausted and really need to get some sleep because you have to be up so early tomorrow.
You and your SO - now both completely sober - give fake goodbyes and leave Alice and Joe to deal with the remainder of the dinner party.
Jonatc87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:56:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A ball pit with exactly one ball which used to be a paddling pool. An out of date tiramisu, with less slices than the number of people present. A bouncer at the door who admits only women showing their cleavage. An entry fee paid months in advance. A children's party next door that sounds way more awesome.
After the sorry, slightly smelly, shrimp cocktail , and the dry roast (with halfcooked potatoes), we all sit down and watch a Adam Sandler movie. Afterwards noone leave before 22:30.
There's a bowl of lukewarm punch but only a few small Styrofoam cups left. It's a pretty hot and humid day and the guys who you gave $50 to get ice and some more refreshments have not come back yet. It's been two hours.
P12oof ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunted!
LOL! if i heard this song at a dinner party i would immediately leave.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:06:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I got all these beat because I've actually been to worst party ever thrown. I walked into a house reeking of cat urine. NOBODY in the party seemed to notice but me. It was agonizing. In retrospect I like to think that everyone was suffering through their own personal hell alongside of me but nobody was brave enough to say anything because the girl throwing the party was so nice.
Certainly does! but I just eating dinner with him would be oh so sad. I feel like he is the guy who talks with his mouth full and uses his utensils as pointers
Dinner takes to long to make and you're starving but all they for appetizers was saltine crackers with not enough cheese to go with. So you end eating the crackers plain and your mouth is getting dry because they only have water and one bottle of wine that they are saving to go with dinner. They serve a medley of the most gas inducing vegetables, only seasoned just enough for the hope of flavor but sadly falls short. Boiled chicken with lemon slices on top as the only season, so looks gross and tastes sour. And your seated next to the guy that constantly dominants the conversation and doesn't leave you with an open to talk to someone else.
navygent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Eva Braun and Hitler, Mark David Chapman and John Lennon, Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby. Robin Williams and David Carradine to name a few. Making sure they aren't alone together, or by themselves would be too much work and depressing at the same time.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. There would be nothing there but a dark empty room with a hidden video camera in the corner. The other guests, who would have also endured the same torture when they first arrived, would be watching from an adjacent room as you try to escape through one of the several locked doors. Oh yeah, it would be a round room. That smells like dead bodies.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
DDJello ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:22:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You turn up to a friends party only you find its more of a family gathering. The dads letting off blackmarket fireworks in the back garden whilst the kids crowd round him, he also turns out to be incredibly racist and makes regular use of the N word. Your friend has a blazing row with her aunt and storms off upstairs, you and the one friend who came with you sit awkwardly trapped between screeching kids drinking lukewarm cider and eating buffet food (nachos and sweets).
van9750 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I have a gluten intolerance, therefore all of the food I am preparing will be gluten free.
Also, I am a recovering alcoholic, and since I am unable to control myself around alcohol, no alcohol will be permitted.
Lastly, when you show up, I will not even have started cooking the food because "I have had a doozy of a day." Enjoy sitting around making awkward small talk with people you don't really know.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. No food, no furniture, no decoration, just empty white walls.
If there's no pasta or no cheese platter, then I'm horribly disappointed.
So I'd host a dinner party with no pasta and no cheese platter.
rallioul ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pictures of food, but no actual food.
IceEye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:40:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The host is that distant aunt you don't really know from that part of the family you don't care about. She was too lazy to cook so she made it a potluck, but everyone just brought various types on uninteresting potato salad.
Your guests set up A giant table full of food that is there to honor your guest's dead fat grandpa. Instead, everyone reads from a religious text you aren't familiar with in a language you don't understand. It's at your house, all the wasted food is yours.
OP didn't say who it was disappointing.
Goat01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Brownies with peanuts in them.......ugh.....
VPee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
wefr5927 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
10 inch plasma screen tv or having to wait three hours to eat.
critfist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Three bean salad, still semi frozen shrimp platters, pigs in a blanket with no condiments and a bowl of ripple chips.
Expect nothing but the finest. I hope you enjoy smoked turducken wrapped in bacon, it's what I had at my dinner party last year around this time. I'm not much of a baker, so bring something for dessert. (Maybe pie? I've got plenty of ice cream and my slutty cousin Sarah is making raspberry cheesecake and key lime pie. She's single now and has a lot of time on her hands since her rich husband died.) We'll probably start towatch season 2 of Firefly on Netflix after dinner if blah blah blah Half Life 3.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fewbugie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:15:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You would see me.
cp5184 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
The only people that show up are the people you were hoping wouldn't. They all bring stuff you hate, and uninvited people who are annoying. And, like, a rabid honey badger.
newsagg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Spam burgers with white bread instead of buns, asparagus with salt, tater-tot casserole. Diet RC cola and skim milk for drinks.
A bunch of people engrossed in their smartphones picking at their plates and letting a rather fine meal get cold and unpleasant textures as a result. You left your phone in the car thinking it was polite, so you're forced to interact with the coworker that overheard and invited himself and is taking advantage of your vulnerable state to pester you endlessly about some fad you're an expert on but over and their just getting into (like MtG, WOW/some MMORPG/some FPS/Alf in Pog form - that's it!) Milhouse, you're forced to be Milhouse's best friend for the evening.
At the end of the evening, everyone gets laid but you. Yes everyone else, including Milhouse.
Expect to see tons of interesting individuals and like minded people with similar qualities as yourself. You all get along famously and after dinner we spend a good couple hours trying to decide which one of you is the most pathetic.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:00:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The leaders of the naacp. To celebrate the achievements of the basketball american and George Washinton Carvers invention of peanut butter...
I hold the event at a restaurant and when it's over I tell the waitress away from the table that everyone is paying their own bill. I promptly pay for my water with lemon and cup of soup then leave before she delivers the check to everyone else.
You walk in and the party is blaring music, but it's the cd of the hostess' assistant at work. "YOU TOOK ME BY THE HAAAAAND. MADE ME A MAAAAAN. THAT ONE NIGHT, YOU MADE EVERYTHING ALLRIIIIIGHT"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Nice decorations, snack foods all over that cost a bomb because you bought the good stuff, a home made black forest cake topped with real cherries and a stereo system set up with a recommended spotify mix list that everyone contributed to.
The morning of the party most people cancel and only five say they might be able to make it. None do. You're left sitting at your coffee table at 7pm with bowls of snacks, a cake that took you the whole morning to make, Foo Fighters playing in the background and all the liquer sitting chilled in slowly melting ice buckets.
Your friend shows up at 8 and says he thought he'd come over for ten minutes to say hello before he has to shoot off to something important. You awkwardly make small talk and he tries to make light of everyone being late. You cut him some cake and he leaves after eating it. You fall asleep watching House of Cards and dream of being Frank Underwood's finacial advisor.
Next morning your facebook feed is full of people hoping that your party was good. You ignore them. The ice buckets have overflowed and your carpet is now soaked. The liquer is warm and the hot food has congealed into a cold mess. Your birthday cake has lost its structural integrity after the chocolate gauche melted away and now looks like a pile of dirt.
You sigh, start preparing for the day and your room mate rushes out the door to work while asking you to "clean up that mess in the living room." No one mentions anything about your birthday through the week. Nor do you about how your next paycheque might not even cover the party and your weekly food bill.
Two weeks later your mother calls to wish you a late happy birthday because she was away on vacation in Puket with your brother and sister.
I set out a huge, and I mean HUUUGGGEEE, platter of Red Vines at each seat. Only that. You must eat all off them before you can leave.
Then you puke vines.
sloge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ray and Charles Eames were a married architect/designer/artist couple. They had a dinner party for a rather esteemed group of people. One of this group, I don't remember who, recalls them enticing the table with talk of a very special desert. Intrigued, he made sure to save his appetite for what he hoped would be a delicious desert. After the main course, Ray and Charles left for a moment and returned with various flowers and began to arrange what they called a "visual desert."
Well first it would have an incredible line up of guests. Historical figures and Pop culture icons, Musicians, Artists, Scientists. But than you walk in and it's the third cousin of each said person. Or their ex girlfriends. The food brought out on close lid silver platters ends up being three day old McRibs that have been sitting in a hot dumpster.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:19:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A NASA spokesperson with a 'big announcement' that they won't divulge until the end of the party.
After hours of suspense and speculation they will finally reveal that Mars is one degree centigrade warmer on average at the poles than previously thought. When the rest of the guests respond with a collective "and?" the spokesperson will reply that means that there was possibly surface water there about 3.5 billion years ago, the end.
tingwong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
catered by AppleBees and McDonalds
Pinstar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The worlds greatest and tastiest appetizer platters that will NEVER make it down to you, as they all get picked clean by the time they are passed to you. Oh you'll get your shot at an appetizer or two, but only because they're the shitty ones that everybody else passed on.
You invite a bunch of people over, none of which know each other. You get them all seated and tell them you're about to serve up the dinner. You walk back into the kitchen, but then keep walking out the back door, around the side of the house, up the street to the pub where you sink a few pints, leaving your guests hungry and wondering wtf is going on!
Trezzie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're expecting it to be a gathering of a couple friends, board games or Smash Bros. You drive in, alone, with work in the morning. You arrive to see it's a packed, alcohol driven college party. You know two people, the hosts. You are not social. You can not drink because you have to drive home. The party then goes to the park to set off fireworks in the middle of the night in the state capital. You get pressured to go there, and leave as soon as the fireworks start. You drive straight home.
darrenja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:41:38 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
tried doing this one time with my friends and my girlfriend threw a dundie at my plasma screen tv and killed it
Arkhar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:35 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We were on vacation in Italy, and were enjoying the great food. A friend of a friend suggested we go to a vegan restaurant. sigh Fine, they must have something good, this is Italy and everything had been spot on.
After walking around for a while we found it, a door surrounded by some health posters in a softly lit alley.
We entered a small hall that looked like a community centre, covered with event posters and notifications. Adjoining was a small room leading to the equally small cafeteria. There were only a few dishes, all expensive and only lemonade and coffee to drink. We sat down at our small cheap tables and tried to eat under the stark fluorescent light. My plate of cold grey tasteless goop seemed to nullify the salt I had retrieved from my foray back into the cafeteria completely.
We tested each other's dishes and came to the conclusion this was a terrible mistake. Tears were shed.
Afterwards we went to a sweet comic book bar though so the evening was at least salvaged.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the food has just enough salt that you know it has too much salt, but not enough that you can reject the food outright for being too salty. You have to keep eating it because it's not horrible, but it definitely bothers you. And there will be a spice that you can't identify in everything, but there will definitely be too much of it. Or not enough. Because you'll never figure out exactly what it is and it will haunt you forever.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:10 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's hosted in the middle of a unmaintained field.
The music is played from a idling diesel pickup tuned to "roll coal" even at idle. All you can hear is the truck's engine and the bass because whoever owns it just put 5kw of subs in but left every other speaker stock.
All the food is cooked on the exhaust manifold of the host's mud truck. He didn't bother to wash the mud off the exhaust either.
The food choices are plain hot dogs or hamburgers, with no buns.
The only drinks are hot light beer and rusty water from a hand pumped well
95% of the people there are openly-racist
Those who finished eating first start to show off their drunk shooting skills
A cropduster is spraying pesticide in the neighbor's field
60% of the vehicles there are left idling for no reason.
The wind is blowing all the exhaust fumes at the eating area.
Your car gets boxed in, so you can't leave.
After eating your undercooked, but burnt mud-burger, it's time for ice cream. But you have to make it yourself in a hand cranked ice cream churn.
When you think it's finally over, someone sets a projector on their truck's roof, pointed at the side of a broken down, rusty box truck. Everyone uses it to show pictures. It's 99% baby pictures.
Speaking of babies, everyone brought theirs and nobody is taking care of them.
All the kids are just allowed to do whatever they want, including drive the vehicles left running for no reason.
This results in your car getting run over by a truck since it's too small to be seen over the grass.
The generator powering the projector is something built from junk and is somehow 10 times louder than all the idling vehicles.
After 4 hours of baby pictures, it starts to rain, but they don't stop until the water kills the projector 3 hours later.
On the way out, your car gets stuck due to the road becoming a creek.
Despite you being the only person there not driving a 4x4 truck or offroad-focused SUV, nobody pulls you out the mud.
Are we talking different cereals or the same cereal x3? Because if it's the first, I could go for that. I pick a light muesli to start, a substantial bowl of Allbran for mains, and probably a bowl of froot loops for dessert.
I raise you Saltine crackers for all meals with last years expired egg nog for drinks, nobody will want to drink that, and everybody is going to be coughing up saltine powder
Salmon, celery, and leeks inside a cilantro Jello mold, a liver pate with Cheeze Whz and saltines, and terribly misunderstood Bloody Mary's where I swapped the tomato juice and hot sauce ratios. For dessert- vegan flan!
An inadequate amount of undercooked Spaghetti, paired with straight out of the bad Dole Leafy Greens (the most disappointing kind of salad). I don't use dressing, therefore I will provide none. And a bag of slightly overcooked Tyson chicken nuggets. For beverages I have sparkling grape juice and a $7 bottle of Moscato. The table cloth is actually a bedsheet, the napkins are repurposed newspaper trimmings, and the entire place is covered with my tears.
In order to get in to the dinner party you'll have to amputate your most efficient hand and put a ghost pepper chili down your underwear. Also there's just menus of the food, no one will come and serve it and the forks and knives will break in half whenever you grab them with your now only hand.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Man... so, I once hosted this party and I made a cheese plate, and only one other person showed up so we each ate like two pounds of cheese and watched youtube videos until he left.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone gets grits with not enough water mixed in, and cold water to drink so you won't be tempted to mix that in or else you'll get nasty ass cold grits.
"Oh umm, hey guys. Sorry you caught me short notice... Um... I just need to head to the sho- Oh, don't worry about it... Ok, I have this one bag of doritos. You don't mind plain yeah? Sorry, no dip. Umm, I've got a half drunk flat lemonade that I've left out of the fridge for 2 days... So ummm..... How's the divo-uh... How's things?"
You can expect Lady Gaga to play, but since this is the world's most disappointing dinner party, when you get there Gigi Allen is standing on the table screaming and throwing shit at everyone.
All that to eat and a cool live musical performance.
You arrive, take your seats at the nice tables. The food & drinks are announced to be served after a short music intro.
Then the curtain falls and you get a live performance of this guy.
Ah, no food or drinks.
Also parking was not allowed and all your cars were towed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nancy Grace will definitely be there. With sparkling.
tekomuto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My Son.
ConconW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP's mom
Borg-Man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Plastic cutlery and plates, ofcourse. And LED candles instead of actual ones. Wine? Here, have this lemonade. And please have a seat on these Ikea folding chairs. And ofcourse that's real chicken. You just didn't ask where I got it from...
gnerfed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well my father can expect to see that I failed my classes.
The location is a fancy manor house, through the windows you can see a banquet table full of all the best foods, all looking stunning, the decor is perfection and you can spot quite a few celebrities dotted around the room. You're honored that I chose to invite you, and you can't wait to get inside.
You walk up to the old wooden door and knock but instead of the thud you were expecting, it sounds hollow - you don't think too much into it, your excitement has literally taken over at this point. Upon entering, you can see that the lighting, which you thought was fancy chandeliers and candles, is in fact coming from lighting rigs in the ceiling - no biggie, you think, probably just give off a more ambient look or something. However, the decor is quite obviously fake, whatever, maybe it was too expensive to restore, and come to think of it, the layout of the rooms makes no sense at all; most don't even have four walls and a door. Renovations, you suppose, though you are growing a little suspicious.
Annoyed at the apparent facade, you move through to the dining room and notice that the celebrities you thought you saw don't look quite right somehow. Bravely greeting one of them by name, you quickly realize it's just a bunch of lookalikes. As it dawns on you that the evening is almost a total bust you decide to grab some of the perfectly cooked food, down some alcohol and get the hell out of there. You proudly swipe a bottle of bubbly without being noticed but upon your first sip you realize it's just sparking water, what the f...
You're so beyond not amused at this point so just make a grab for the finger food, which, as you try and prize it off the plate, you notice is plastic and glued down. You're so done.
Then you catch sight of me in the corner and give me a deathstare to end all deathstares as I explain that I've invited you to a film set, we're making a crappy TV movie that will likely never see the light of day and you're an extra, that will probably be cut and wouldn't be credited anyway.
I am now off your Christmas card list, but it was so worth it to see the multiple looks of disappointment.
Dirtpig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chevy Chase is there telling "The Aristocrats" joke from beginning to end. Pretty much a true story.
v-reddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Non-alcoholic beer, imitation crab, imitation salmon, fat free everything, hard candy, pineapple anchovies pizza from Dominoes, the flimsiest paper plates manufactured by man...AAAAAAAAAAND a presentation for AmWay.
I'd hype it up super hard, we're talking air balloons with a performance of cirque du elai or whatever with enormous screens for video games and a reservation for the movies a day later.
An hour before the party I'd cancel it.
deiam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Invite people to have dinner with the president, get people to turn up at the whitehouse where they are redirected to a nearby hotel because of "security and culinary reasons". Once the unsuspecting but slightly miffed attendees arrive at said hotel and are all sat down waiting the big man himself to turn up, when a small, balding man in a ill fitting cheap brown suit stands up and with the world's nasalyiest voice stands up and starts making the following speech "as many of you know i have been the president of the international society of ancient roman copper thimbles for some time...".
The food is Kid Cuisines, those terrible frozen TV dinners. It's only partially heated though, still frozen in the middle. And they aren't the ones with the good dessert.
gsauce8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Steak made from Kobe beef...cooked to well done.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food. Fruitcake. 3 dollar charge for said fruit cake. Also there will be no entertainment. Eating utensils are an additional 2 dollars.
Your name is Michael Scott; Jan is going mad; Jim and Pam are silently awkward; Angela and Andy are on an early date; Dwight shows up with his cousin later.
When guests first walk in, they see me, sitting on the couch in my underwear. I haven't bathed in two weeks and completely forgot I was hosting this stupid party tonight.
Your dinner is whatever crumbs you can scrounge up from the month's worth of empty Cheetos bags. For drinks, whatever is left in the three dozen cans of Mountain Dew I bought last week. For dessert, we all split a couple of Andes Mints I found in a coat pocket.
Entertainment will be me telling super inaccurate plots to famous movies.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure about the meal but Ill be pants less, because then my disappointment will be hanging out with us.
A Swedish UN representative, 2 German assassins, a prostitute, 2 American spies, several idiots, a mad scientist, an elderly British cannibal valet, and a rug.
Edit: almost forgot the Gravlax!
Prokle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You will be greeted by my most ambitious and enthusiastic little brother who will be handing out glasses of robbie bubble so old, it's out of gas. The dining room will be filled with old people you don't know, each one of them eager to tell you about their life. But no one is interesting. The buffet contains a large variety of beautifully arranged, delicious looking, microwaved, cold, overcooked, mushy dishes, each one of them completly without any flavor.
The band is playing their repertoire of 4 songs, a mix of country and german Schlager, as well as one can perform with 3 hours practice, trying to involve the guests with cringy puns and inappropriate comments.
Oh, and the lead singer is your dad. And he's drunk.
At last, a very entertaining speech from an older gentleman who knows how to describe every detail of his daily routine.
Meanwhile my brother, still handing out more robbie bubble, slips and grabs you mid-fall, ruining your coat and bruising your ankle.
Qieth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can expect to see all you want, it's not happening!
$100,000 entrance fee for the amazing opportunity for all lonely individuals to be matched with the perfect love of their lives.
Sorry, guys, couldn't get the hosting foundation to allow unisex seating. I'm afraid you will all have to eat here, your dates are all in the other room. No you can't visit them.
Fl0wSt3p ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Counter Logic Gaming making a guest appearance.
gesy17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fondue fountains that look like chocolate, but are overcooked brown gravy. A soup tureen full of chopped raw onions and tasteless broth. Appetizers: warm tarantula with aspic. Jellied gizzards.
Sayuu89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A potluck where no one actually brings anything.
Efpophis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I announce that we will have entertainment during dinner. Carrot Top walks out on the stage, and he seems to have forgotten to bring his props with him.
Sorry folks, that was a typo. Welcome to my 3rd annual sinner party. We'll start redeeming your soul with a reading from Leviticus. Grace, will you start us off please?
I couldn't get a DJ so a pair of girls nobody seems to know rises to the challenge. One hijacks the aux cord and abruptly shuffles through Iggy Azalea tracks. The other finds a banana and uses it to try and rap the lyrics to/with/at the other guests. You try to be nice and smile at her to commend her efforts, but she misread it, and now she's only performing Iggy Azalea songs with you. And the banana mic, of course.
To make matters worse, you don't know any of her songs, and anytime she shoves the banana mic in your face and you don't know the words, she'll put on an Australian accent and yell something like "what's the matter with you, you odd koala!" You try to text your ride to pick you up early, but the banana mic bumps your phone out of your hand and the screen breaks upon falling.
Puskock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When you're at the party and your doctor texts you telling you that you have terminal guch cancer. You call your wife about it and she doesn't even care. You decide to go and grab a choc chip muffin to ease the pain. You take one bite and spit it out immediately! Raisins......
Aragatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone trying to get me to invest in her candle company.
Everyone gets a plus one, but the original folks cancelled. It's just you and everybody's friend that you don't know.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Meatloaf is already cold and someone decided to spill their drink (sorry, it's water) all over the bowl of fresh baked rolls. It was salvageable till someone's child steals the stick of butter and tries to eat it, then vomiting all over the table when they try to get it down. And all you can do is watch in horror as you realize you cannot possibly pull your chair out in time watching the gooey puddle spread out over the freshly polished cherrywood, circle around your dinner plate, and drip with the sound of a clogged rain gutter emptying onto hard cement.
msctex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
An Arby's catering truck outside.
pope0476 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's a starving African child in the corner and the party is being held for his village. No matter what you or the people in your dinner party pledge to feed his village, there will be someone there who doesn't get enough food and dies.
But also, they have this massive fancy cake on display... And only for display. You get to eat a plain Vanilla sheet cake with too much icing and dry cake.
I think I actually went to the most disappointing party. It was a New Year's Eve party held by a friend of my best friend. I thought it was a PARTY. It was a sombre family get together. I didn't know the family and I arrived on Ketamine.
My aunt loves to tell this story about my other aunt...
Late 80's my mum and 3 of her siblings had all emigrated but were living relatively close to each other, my aunt decides to throw a dinner party, made a huge deal about it, invited the siblings and their partners (none had kids at the time) and one or two friends like 2 weeks in advance, gushes about what she'll wear etc,. Understandably everyone is expecting a rather fancy affair considering her enthusiasm. They all arrive in their finery with bottles of wine and she's there boiling hot dogs. And that was all they had, plain hot-dogs. She's never lived it down.
Couple of guys in the corner sitting on the floor playing yu gi oh, 2 asscracks showing, uncle molesto hitting the booze and maybe cocaine a little too hard, auntie desperate blimping around trying to entice the male and a couple female guests to let her "show theym a guud taiyme" youngly wed couple converving loudly about how improbable it is they met at cross fit and how they BOTH own food processors, cousin liberal arts degree talking about how the soggy tacos are culturally insensitive AND how they erase his vegan identity, gramma confederacy scowling and talking about the "damn messikins and negroes" in her gated community, brother successful is drawling about Harvard and Yale and the sexual assault charges he dodged and then there's a fucking dead dog in the salad.
Nicholas Cage serving plates upon plates of different appetizers and entrees. As you look carefully though, you realize all of the dishes served on modern square plates are really just different cuts of hot dogs. Hot dogs sliced lengthwise, diced, chopped, pureed. And different condiments draped over them to try and artistically disguise the fact that this is all the same dish. Ketchup, French's god awful yellow mustard, tomato sauce, black pepper, mysterious orange sauce...oh wait he just blended the mustard and ketchup.
At the same time, Cage appears totally oblivious to this sameness. Is he not aware? Did the catering company mess up? Has he lost a lot of money?
red hot chili peppers and arcade fire play are playing for the entertainment and all grew a mustache similar to Hitler's.
g2f1g6n1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
bo bridges, stephen baldwin, jim belushi, cody walker, rob kardashian (hell, any kardashian or jenner, really. they are all mosters), richmond arquette, andrew wilson.
I envision a party similar to that of The Great Gatsby; put me in a huge mansion, have waiter's treating all the guests, beautiful weather, me in my finest suit, champagne everywhere, loud music so everyone can dance. Now take everyone else out... just me and the waiters. Yeah good time!
Zanlios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
no dinner, just desserts made of natto.
LtWorf_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My guests are from Portugal. I see nobody. I eat alone. I go to bed. When I'm well into my sleep my dorbell rings and those motherfuckers want food and entertainment.
It features a broken glass door, a cracked flat screen tv, and a smashed dundy award.
John_Fx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Poi fountain instead of chocolate.
BigMax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Host and hostess are clearly mad at each other for... something. They greet guests with hostility, and are constantly saying things like "John, why don't you offer to get some drinks for our guests? Oh, that's right, because you FORGOT TO GO TO THE STORE LIKE I ASKED."
"Why should I offer drinks Jenny? These are YOUR FRIENDS, NOT MINE!"
"I know we were supposed to eat at 7, but it won't be until 9 now. Guess who forgot to put the roast in the oven?"
Fake stuff. The cutlery, the dishware, even the tables and chairs. The worst part about it is that they look pretty real so any time someone goes to go take a bite of the grapes, they're horribly disappointed
They0001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Quilled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A 7 year old that has started to learn to play the violin, a pyramid scheme, an amateur theater troupe that plays out a crime from the 1800s and there is no alcohol.
Mr_Kool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As a vegetarian, most dinner parties would probably disappoint me, unless the host/chef really knew how to accommodate or were vegetarians themselves. (I have actually been to a vegan party - not very formal though, and it was awesome.)
ST8R ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a Midwest pot luck, so all the salads are made with mayonnaise, Cool Whip, and Jell-O.
Gilbert Godfrey, Pauly Shore, Rodney Dangerfield, and yourself. Dinner is exactly three burnt meatballs, a fillet of fish that is past its prime, and Tab soda.
Dry ramen noodles, tortilla chips that have had all the salt licked off, and a single can of whole anchovies. With really chlorinated tap water. No ice
Well, it's in my apartment right now. I don't clean it, I don't change a thing. There's dirty laundry everywhere. The stove doesn't work. I haven't cleaned in weeks (okay...months). There's a sleeping bag on my couch because that's where I've been sleeping, and I leave it there. The cushions are on top of the sleeping bag because I put them on my computer chair to sleep and then throw them on the couch during the day. The table is small and covered in empty plastic bags and random papers. There are no chairs. There's not enough space for more than one person to sit anyway. I would have to move the couch to make space but I don't. I don't have any money so I have the guests order their own food and pay for it. They cannot bring ingredients and cook for themselves because the oven doesn't work either.
Basically, the worst possible dinner party is me deciding to invite a bunch of people to where I live and force them to live the way I do.
Tephlon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You get dropped off by a friend of yours who says: "if you need to get out of there just text me and I'll pick you up, I'm about 15 minutes away".
As you walk in you see that one of the couples consist of an ex of yours and their new partner.
The second couple consists of the ex of another ex, the one that your ex broke up with to be with you.
A third couple consists of your current "friend with benefits" and their partner that they swore they had broken up with.
The only person your age โand who is very attractiveโ calls themselves Storm and has somehow convinced your hosts to switch to an all vegan menu at the last minute.
The hired cook quit on the spot so the hosts are now scrambling to make vegan entrees. They're awesome at grilling steaks and their cheesecake is famous, but they didn't plan on making those today, so they are actually missing some crucial ingredients. And they don't want to upset "Storm".
Meanwhile Storm started a monologue about alternative medicine, chakras, holistic healing and vaccination.
You get a text from your ride to say that they unfortunately parked on the wrong street and got towed, so "if you could take a cab that would be awesome. "
It's a fairly nice place and everyone seems pretty amiable. But I come out dressed in an undersized tuxedo (including tail) with notecards in my hands for all you guests. I yell into the kitchen for my mother (obviously, I still live with her) to please bring in the Cheese Nips (everyone hates Cheez-Its half-baked cousin) as well as the Diet Pepsi. I then hand out the notecards and everyone immediately notices the title - CONVERSATIONAL ICEBREAKER NUMBER 1: Go Around the room pretending you are a famous person. Have a guest try to guess who you are.
Well you end up forgetting hats so create ones from newspaper instead. Putting each of the guests initials on each one.
Nibbles. Go to get the twiglets and you've only got one left. Shit. Ooo there's a tree outside. Snap a couple of twigs off and put marmite on them. That's all twiglets are anyway. That will be fine.
Wine. Uuummm there's enough for me but no one else. This vinegar looks like wine. Put some sugar in it and it will be the same thing right?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hot dogs only slightly warm, so that the exterior is warm and the center is cold, with smushed buns and running low on condiments. Also only room temperature water is available in those paper cups you see in waiting rooms
I would tell people about the party but totally under sell it. Make it seem like they'll be like off brand mac & cheese, quiche and other assortments of non enjoyable food so almost nobody would show up. Then I'd have the best food I could provide meticulously prepared so it's fabulous. Afterwards I'd let everyone know how grand of a dinner party is was so everyone who didn't show up would disappointed. Then the next dinner party I'd throw would be deliberately awful and would certainly have quiche.
DD225 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cheap, non-alcoholic beer and wine. Not enough food for everyone. Burnt Mac & Cheese. Dry Mashed Potatoes. Undercooked Turkey. Militant Christians, Militant Wiccans, and Militant Atheists in the same room. Blurry TV that only gets one channel. No music. Dog eats all of the food.
A suprise celebrity guest...... Tony Danza doing a reboot of Whos the boss
Brewe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Alcohol free beer/wine and a nice 7 course, gluten free, lactose free, local raw food, vegan, TV-Dinner dinner, with Fair Trade disposable wooden plates and utensils (I've actually eaten at a place with these. The food might have been good, but the utensils made it feel like I was eating cardboard)
Besides, in spain they often dont eat until midnight, When in rome.
Took me by the hand!!!!! Made me a man!!!!
RazarTuk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, I was supposed to cook food?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At my dinner party, I've invited a few extra guests without telling you. One is a somewhat backwards old lady - she's openly critical of you and your partner, she thinks it's all a joke, when she's actually just being an old bitch. I've also invited a friend of a friend you secretly think is quite annoying, and they talk to your friend throughout the entire thing so you and your partner are left feeling rather lonely.
There's a cat and a dog inside - it's clear their owners rarely bathe them, you can smell it off the walls. The food is not horrendous, but it's particularly dry and flavourless. To your surprise they're making your favourite desert, although owing to some misfortune, they announce they are unable to prepare it after all.
All the bottles are actually Welch's sparkling grape juice and the hora d'oeuvres are an already open box of Hydrox and some grapes that are past their prime, but not yet raisins.
From real life:
Welcome! You can watch our daughter while we just now being preparing our meal of cucumber salad, goose fat butter, orange peels (shit you not), and half a serving of beef for everyone to share.
shikax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:10 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
my ex
Keetlady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
TV dinners.....like the ten for ten dollars ones at the grocery.
Hellkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Table sex.
Projotce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:36 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're Donald Trump and you accidentally invited the accounting firm that manages your shit.
Ayresx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That one friend of a friend who hears about it and invites themselves through your mutual friend and then the rest of you have to endure them. You've never liked them but you're to polite to say no, especially at last minute. There's awkwardness, a general desire to escape every now and then so you don't strangle them, and you can't help but feel the whole night is ruined.
Every main food is a gluten-free version of something that SHOULD be good, but just doesn't taste right. Bonus points if it's a vegetarian imitation of something. No dressing for the salad. Dry mashed potatoes with nothing to put on them.If the main course is actual meat, it's very dry chicken with no seasonings of any sort. Oatmeal raisin cookies for dessert.
No drinks other than water and MAYBE a very cheap boxed wine if I'm in a fancy mood.
Someone brought their baby who is asleep on the couch so everyone has to be quiet, but every now and the baby still wakes up and cries. Said person also keeps constantly showing off baby pictures, despite nobody actually wanting to see them
The dog is under the table constantly sticking his face onto people's laps begging for food, but every every time you move him, he keeps coming back.
The music is VERY soft classical that you can't even hear enough to actually decipher, but audible enough to be a background drone (Alternatively, it's terrible country music that everyone except the host hates).
The one person who you actually hope to see there is supposedly running late, but never actually shows up due to "schedule conflicts".
wadetype ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone you've ever wanted to meet, your favourite musicians, your favourite celebrities and even your dearly departed. But it's you that makes it the most disappointing dinner party. And they don't keep it a secret from you.
RAAD88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fallout 4 came out and you only got to create your character before having had to head to the dinner.
You are alone because nobody shows up. Water is the drink and the steak you have been waiting to eat all day has been burnt to crisp. Your baked potato is plain because you don't have salt, cheese, sour cream, butter, or bacon.
The food is bland but not aggressively bad, there's a lot of awkward silence punctuated by halfhearted attempts at small talk. One guy starts to talk about something interesting, but it quickly becomes apparent he doesn't really know what he's talking about. There's some mediocre wine that runs out before you can get a buzz going.
What were you expecting, the world's most disappointing dinner party?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:04 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Only pepperoni and cheese pizza. One of those parties.
The napkins.. Are edible. Bone apetit! By the way, how many of you would be interested in owning your own condominium in Aspen for an astonishingly low price? That's right, only $3000 yearly, for TWO DAYS OF SERIOUS OWNERSHIP!
You can expect to see my elephant impersonation. That's the one where I unzip my fly, flop out my Wang, pull out the insides of my pockets and sway side to side making elephant noises...... Ahhh good times... Good times.
Boiled hotdogs on wonderbread. Room temperature grapes with fruit flies on them. Pay bar. You're in someone's tiny one room apartment in a sketchy part of the city, it's 11:45pm and the last bus reaches the stop down the street at 12:01, but you can't leave because someone just came in and they're chatting loudly in the doorway making it awkward....oh look the little dog just ran out.
No music, but the local news is on....and it's now midnight so only infomercials are one. It's November but the heating is on full blast, engulfing the room with miscellaneous body odour and hotdog. But we can't open the window because it's jammed.
A person you only vaguely associated with has become a physical and emotional trainwreck, and now has a terrifying obsession with you. They then guilt you into dancing with them for a single song.
During the most awkward and emotionless dance of your life, they ask in the most depressing tone ever,"What would you do if I ever died?"
Kaltorix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That the whole dinner goes perfectly normal with nothing unusual, leaving you feeling conflicted and disappointed it wasn't disappointing.
Hauckeye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everything your Allergic too is being served. Also everything your scared of is the house entertainment. Looks like Shell fish and laughing clowns tonight.
Sorry guys, I forgot to head to the store before the party so for dinner we're just going to eat bologna and the end pieces of bread loaves that have gotten soggy.
hcarguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:57:08 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Saved comment
ignoramusaurus ยท 3472 points ยท Posted at 14:17:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You thought it was a date, but the person you invited assumed it was a dinner party, and brought their own date.
sklb ยท 1607 points ยท Posted at 16:14:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
oh
friday6700 ยท 742 points ยท Posted at 16:37:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And you're the only single person there.
Zediac ยท 636 points ยท Posted at 16:47:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's when you activate the app that will fake a phone call. "Sorry, this is important. I have to go take care of something (that something being not wanting to be a 15th wheel). I'll talk to you later."
Then go home, get a glass full of the alcohol of choice, and watch TV show reruns in the dark while you ponder life and try not to sob loud enough to wake the cat.
Simpfally ยท 138 points ยท Posted at 16:49:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, if you managed to get the hell out of here, you can enjoy your beer with peace in mind.
Zediac ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:53:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Usually. But this was predicated on you thinking that it's a date but the other person not seeing you as an option for that to the point where they brought their own date thus you walked into a situation where you were unknowingly shut down before you started and then surrounded by happy couples. The mind tends to not be at peace at that point.
swagtownpopulationme ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:57:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit I'm already depressed for something that didnt happen
Simpfally ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:57:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're right, it depends on how you handled the "surprise". "Oh fuck them" vs "my life has no meaning anymore".
I just wish it'll never happen!
GhostViirus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:38:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
But....you are the one hosting. Now all your friends are wondering why you wandered off to the living room and never came back or even served them.
Zediac ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:39:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shh... Pretend like I didn't fuck that up...
tom275 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Only if you are the host, and you thought it was a date, who invited the other people. Its just the three of you, and the tables only laid for two. This is going to be awkward.
VashMM ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:08:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hell no. I'm waking that cat up. I need something to love new, even for just a minute after going through that.
8oD ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:06:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If I need "Fingers in Fur,"TM I grab the cat wherever he is, and proceed to get my fix.
arudnoh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
After the booze begins to warm your chest, The Walking Dead distracts you, and you find the cat wanting to share body heat, you realize things are actually okay, but fuck that dinner party.
Brotherauron ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:00:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Change that last part to steal a whole bottle of alcohol of choice from the host, and go home and drink it.
bakeneko417 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:49:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, you mean a regular Friday night?
Sardalucky ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:04:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
miksedene ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I call that Thursday night.
Robkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:27:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Then you realise you just walked out of your own apartment/house as you were the host but you're too committed to go back in
Zediac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, dammit. I somehow got onto the idea that this was at someone else's place.
Nevermindit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:03:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dave? Is that you?
newloaf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And it's totally all right, because no one will notice you leave or remember it later!
triethan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:55:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My dog comforts me when I cry.
angrytortilla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:57:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Glass? How about the whole bottle. Sigh.
darktask ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Aww.
Although I have in my possession a bottle of scotch that I've been trying my hardest to finish, I got it for my birthday and the damn thing keeps lasting. How do alcoholics do it?
jped ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
r/lifeofnorman is leaking
beepbeepitsajeep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:59 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What's a 15th wheel?
Zediac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A "3rd wheel" is someone who is the single person who is out with a couple. They're a matched pair but that 3rd person is the unmatched extra.
So expand that out a bit. At a party with 7 couples there would be 14 "wheels" with the last single person being the 15th.
grapeslikepeople ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I assumed this was at OP's house.
"I've got to go home guys, sorry."
"But... this is your home."
"Ah. So it is."
daniellkemp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
um...too close to home. I need a hug
mrmdc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:42 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But you're already home. You're hosting the event
ZombieDrums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Are you ok?
Zediac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:23:08 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'll leave it at this - There's old, sage advice for writers.
"Write what you know."
WillTwerk4Karma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:15 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Real app?
fallenKlNG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And that's when you realize you suck at faking phone calls, and as you leave, someone says "dude, we know that wasn't a phone call", and everyone laughs as you make your exit.
mbrw12 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:52:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And it's Valentine's day
dgiangiulio228 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh...these flowers? ummm... hm. They're for everyone?
fallenKlNG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:22:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
ohh
reptilesni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've been to that dinner party.
ignoramusaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:07 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh in my scenario, you are the host but your intended date didnt realise it was a date, and brought their date.
ichliebekohlmeisen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:12:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It would be nothing but Redditors, no way in hell less than 95% are single.
mbleslie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
no, no, no... that's okay, really! it's totally fine
SauceMasterFlex ยท 380 points ยท Posted at 17:08:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
In high school this hot girl who i had a huge crush on asked me to a dance, When we met up she had a different date and tried to hook me up with her unattractive and very overweight friend. 12 years later, I still havent recovered from this experience. got a HJ in the bathroom tho
[deleted] ยท 492 points ยท Posted at 19:18:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a handjob if you do it yourself
WholeVerseOffTheTop ยท 159 points ยท Posted at 19:42:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
IT WAS TO ME DAMN IT
imdrunkwhyustillugly ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:39:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/BvTNyKIGXiI
johnwithcheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:29 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're not the same person.
stanfan114 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:46:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Even if I wear press on red nails?
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:58:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'll have to run a few tests and get back to you.
odnish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
In that case it's fine.
aaronaapje ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:44:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Had to be me, someone else might have gotten it wrong...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:50:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
How did you know Flex had a shit date and why were you so eager to toss him off for his troubles?
Silent-G ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I still haven't finished Mass Effect 3 because I can't get over that.
aaronaapje ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:12:47 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But the real hart breaking parts are after that.
reveille293 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:16:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And it's not a job if no one was paid.
TacoPower ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:38:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A handtask
enulcy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:03:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Savage.
cumblebee ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:20:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
What if you it on your arm first so sit feels like someone else it doing it? EDIT: Forgot a letter
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:40:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What if you what on your arm first?
cumblebee ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:42:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sit. Sit on your arm first
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:45:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
How can you toss yourself off if you're sat on your arm?
cumblebee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:47:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You sit on it until its numb then you do your thing
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:54:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
How can I make a pastrami sandwich with a dead arm?
cumblebee ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:56:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Make it before, I guess
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Then how do I add the 'special sauce'?
cumblebee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:13 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Close your eyes and hope you make it where you want it
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:49:41 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think I love you
cumblebee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Enjoy your cumstrani sandwich
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:04:51 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's gay though
use_a_choosername1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:17 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
then it's just a handsome
Hopczar420 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:28:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well what are you complaining about then?
Basic_Millennial ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:05:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
nice
STINKO_DE_MAYO ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:55:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah romance :)
TedFlowsby ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:32:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The ol' bait n switch
SauceMasterFlex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:48:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The big one....
Sardalucky ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:05:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
From which girl?
TheBestBigAl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:17:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
From the elderly librarian.
RenaKunisaki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:31:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's a pretty big dick move.
Philo_T_Farnsworth ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:41:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It sure was.
RenaKunisaki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
danmo_96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:15:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I know that feel, kinda...
A very attractive friend of mine wanted to go to winter formal with me. Fast-forward to a week or two before the dance, she tells me that [mutual friend] asked her out and she said yes. I still went to the dance, mostly because tickets were non-refundable. It was not as wonderful as I expected a few weeks prior.
Fin_Brody ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:02:07 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. Hot, sort of my friend, girl I liked in hs was single around prom. About a week before the date she got back together with her bf (who never liked me). She texted me "Hey I'm actually going to go with Asshat, but you can go with (her wildly unattractive friend) instead! cool?"
No. It wasn't cool. Went with one of my other friends instead. No hj either.
SauceMasterFlex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:19:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to tell you that it gets better, but truth is the pain only lessens it never fully leaves....
Sworn_to_Ganondorf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:16:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My freshman homecomming dance me and my best friend were set to go together and had had huge crushes on eachother for years. When we got to the dance we took pictures and then she said she had to go too the bathroom...she never came back I stood on the dancefloor for hours waiting patiently. Before it finally dawned on me, and a few of really old friends I hadnt even talked to in years came up and tried to comfort me however all that did was actually make me cry. Worst night ever, we stopped being friends after that really. Its ok man I feel it.
charlotte4251 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:17 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
hj from the fat girl?
SauceMasterFlex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:17 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yup..... Had to salvage the night somehow...
PeanutButter707 ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 00:30:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Overweight =/= unnatractive
SQUELCH_PARTY ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:05:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's why he said both.
rarely-sarcastic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:30 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Show me one obese person who is attractive.
PeanutButter707 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:21:20 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think any body type can be beautiful and attractive, and I don't believe in or understand weight shaming and talking about fat girls like they're all ugly
spottydodgy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:34:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This would happen to me. The worst part is always explaining it to my mom.
sb452 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:33:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And then the person you invited leaves suddenly, and you and the date are left sat alone at the table.
Xyranthis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:19:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This stinks of personal experience. Sorry =(
ignoramusaurus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:48:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Haha it's not sorry, I haven't even been to a dinner party. If it makes you feel better I did have a guy friend I had just gotten together with whilst travelling, and was sharing a room with, bring another girl home on Christmas night.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:46:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've had loads of dating disasters but this beats them all.
taint_Ticklerr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
yes !
Bazakac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ouch
ZephyruSOfficial ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Been there, done that! Still payed for her dinner. She doesn't talk to me anymore. And she knew it was supposed to be a date to. I know she knew. She fucking lead me on and used me and won't even talk to me now.
Just fuck everything
BoyWhoCanDoAnything ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda happened to me. Been flirting via text with a girl for a while. She texts me Sunday morning and asks if I fancy meeting for dinner later that day. I was hungover as hell but got my act together and went to dinner, assuming it was just us. Turns out she's with a bunch of friends, complete with a number of friendzoned guys.
herp____derp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm cringing. This wins.
trollly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh damn. You got 500 days of summered
Except, like, the opposite.
Hendersma11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OMG THIS HAPPENED TO ME ON MY 21ST BIRTHDAY!! I (female) invited a guy I was hooking up with at the time to come out for my 21st and he asked if he could bring his friend, Andy. I told him that was fine, more the merrier! Then he brought a girl we'll call Whoren and Andy. :( Whoren was my date's date. Andy was left for me. :(
ignoramusaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's not a misunderstanding but a horrible move by that guy, either through being a dick or being a thoughtless dick. Fuck that guy!!
weezermc78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:47 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Meta?
ignoramusaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not that I know!
hobbers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:20 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once. Girl invited me out to a dancing place. I thought we were just friends, and figured her other friends might be there, so I invited this other girl I was trying to date. First girl sees me show up with a date and is super peeved.
supersaiyansally ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:30 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ive had this happen, except the dinner party was a rave and the food was acid lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:43:37 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When life gives you lemons make a three way.
Serializedrequests ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:23 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Happened to me, it actually isn't on my scale of worst dinner parties, surprisingly. I enjoy a bit of righteous self pity, and everyone there knew I thought I had a date and was sorry for me.
The most actual disappointment I have experienced was attending a thanksgiving dinner and having no one try my dish. Some people put it on their plate and didn't even taste it. I had brought the same dish last year and received compliments, so I felt like maybe they had all lied to me.
Edit: Realized you meant the party was two people only! My situation was I was already going to a dinner with some friends, and I thought this girl and I had been flirting. I had showed them some of our communications and they all agreed with my interpretation, so they felt bad.
ignoramusaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I feel depressed now as I have not been invited to enough dinner parties to have a list of disappointments. I did once bring rum chocolate rice crispy cakes to a work "fuddle" one though and ended up taking them all home.
Serializedrequests ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think that feeling is somehow more bleak than the date misunderstanding feeling!
______DEADPOOL______ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shia LeBeouf
My_Dog_Is_A_Doctor ยท 3285 points ยท Posted at 10:43:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You only kinda know the people at the party, so you are having that awkward, sort of know each other chat. But, your friends are coming so every time the door opens you expecting it to be them but it never is. So you have that anticipation of getting away from the awkwardness but it never comes
Cheapo_Sam ยท 1660 points ยท Posted at 14:41:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Meanwhile, the slightly mundane host is greeting people with a limp handshake. There are a few butlers but they are not in the buff, and a few waitresses, but they are not topless or on rollerskates. They are serving slightly warm food, think room temperature pineapple sticks with no cheese. The Hors d'oeuvre are not mixed. You glance at the main and its something with mash potato, and you get that feeling where you know the mash will be dryer than the meat.
You are offered a drink. They only have soda water, and it's carbonated. There is a bucket of ice, but it has melted heavily, so when you take some and put it in your drink, it just transfuses into your fizzy water, marginally reducing it's tepid temperature, ultimately increasing the volume of water in the glass. Someone offers you a beer, but there's only a four pack. Its a can, not a bottle. You cant drink it from the can without looking like Boomhower, and one beer is worse than no beer, so you refuse.
Faintly in the background, plays a Pink Floyd album. You're not sure which one, but it drones at that barely audible volume where each song blurrs into the next, creating a somewhat ambivalent atmosphere.
Suddenly, there's a knock on the door and you hear someone say "Neil Armstrong's here!", and you turn, flabberghasted, only to realise that Neil Armstrong is the local white goods magnate and he is treating tonight as one big sales pitch. Then you turn back to bob and talk about how much the lawn needs mowing. 4 more hours.
Edit: More partying
Second Edit: GOLD! Broken my duck, thanks. Am gonna party tonight!!
[deleted] ยท 644 points ยท Posted at 15:16:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This party blows holy shit.
friday6700 ยท 490 points ยท Posted at 16:36:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You try to browse your phone but you have no signal and the host won't give out the wifi password.
Deodorized ยท 232 points ยท Posted at 17:08:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My uhh.. my cat needs watering and my fishtank caught fire, have to go put it out before they freeze to death. Gotta go. Great party.
victoryspades ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:02:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone that you can't stand being around, yet they approach you every chance they get, happens to be right in front of the exit and audibly says "Hey, long time no see! How've you been?" * opens arms for hug *
Deodorized ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:19:31 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh I've been great since I discovered Scientology! Did you know the reason we're all depressed is because of something called thetons? Here have a seat let me tell you all about it! Oh good idea, get a drink for me too!"
And walk out.
victoryspades ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:33 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Damn Scientologists got me again!
edsteen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:08:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fun story: Last December, at 2 AM, my fish tank actually caught on fire. That was a fun morning...
adcas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
H..how?
I'm running four in my bedroom and a dozen I'm other parts of my house, this is something that never crossed my mind as possible. XD
edsteen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:17:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Good question. Our best guess is that the small heater we had in the tank melted and caught on fire. The fire department never came to a definite conclusion. Luckily the dogs woke us up, and we were able to extinguish the fire before it caused much damage, but we did have to host a dozen fire fighters searching the house to ensure there was no structural damage or carbon monoxide. The best part though is that every fishy survived :D
adcas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:22:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, good. I've heard too many stories lately about fish not surviving fires even they could have.
Now I'm just picturing fish swimming around and then "SWEET FISH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT"
yolibobchris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
???
8oD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I too call my fish tank Lake Erie.
danihendrix ยท 142 points ยท Posted at 16:53:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you for making me imagine that
EchoKnight ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
you attempt to log on to the guest network that came with the host's router, but it's not set up yet.
AlexisFR ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:07:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And no WPS of course...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And you're already past your data limit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You went to the bathroom before the party but they you realized you were gonna be late. You had to stop mid shit and wipe and now there's this uncomfortable feeling of poop still in you butt at the party, made worse by the bad air conditioning in the party and your sweaty butt. You keep trying to discretely check if there's some shit in your pants but you never quite get the chance to be really sure.
tofu98 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:02:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Twist: You politely excuse yourself and go home to read and relax. the end.
Urgullibl ยท 132 points ยท Posted at 16:31:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Have you considered a career as a wedding planner?
VerbableNouns ยท 188 points ยท Posted at 17:21:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There is no drink service during dinner so you're stuck with the soda water from earlier.
The soup is just stock with nothing in it, and your spoon too small to be useful.
The salad is just lettuce with no dressing.
The chicken is unseasoned, bone-in and dry.
The potatoes are mashed, with no butter or gravy.
The coffee is decaf with no cream or sugar.
The dessert is those god awful wafer cookies.
Somewhere along the line you find somebody who thought to bring a flask with them, but by the time you figure this out, it's empty and they're more than a bit tipsy. They suggest finding something more interesting to do, so the two of you wander upstairs. You lay down on a bed and they promptly pass out. You decide to turn on the TV in the room only to have the news on. You catch a glimpse of the score to the game you recorded before you can change the channel. Your team lost. In a landslide.
You say "Screw it." and leave. At least the cat will provide some entertainment at home then you can get a good nights rest. You hit every light red on the way home. When you get there you step in a hairball and the cat wants nothing to do with you. You crawl into bed and toss and turn until 4AM. Then as you drift into a fitful sleep you remember your spouse's parents are coming over in the morning.
beerdude26 ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 19:47:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You guys should write a book with nothing but these kinds of events
The title would be "Cringe" in Comic Sans
LokiCode ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 23:23:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd title it A Modern Death
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:36:16 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
10/10 would buy
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:08:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This should get gold.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:09:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The lettuce was placed in a warm area so it's warm and limp
grumpydan ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:01:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Name of your sex tape! BOOM!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:24:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And it's playing on a projector in the front room.
grumpydan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:04:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And it's playing on a loop that starts over right before you finish.
And your parents are there watching, but refuse to leave before the end of any movie.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:02 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
AND IT NEVER ENDS.
mrzisme ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:52:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The spouse's parents coming over in the morning is always a killer.
use_a_choosername1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:56:59 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine his reaction to be like spongebob's when his eyes shot open and made a noise resembling shattering glass
soulslicer0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck...
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
How dare you wafer cookies are a god-send.
VerbableNouns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
They're the sugar free kind.
Kraymur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Burn in hell.
epic_banana_soup ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 15:35:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds oddly specific.
Kennian ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:06:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your party makes me want to suck start a glock...
Buddhist_pokemonk ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:00:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Do you need to talk to someone?
PricklyPricklyPear ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:07:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Boomhauer
kalusklaus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:50:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No its the worst topic ever: Political topics you have a vague clue and a vague opinion about. So because you want to contribute something you say something. But every time someone disagrees or points out a flaw and everybody else agrees with him/her silently.
TheoHooke ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:37:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like one of Arthur Dent's stories.
laxation1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:12:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
one beer is not worse than no beer... wtf
Starayo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:12:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Heck yes.
Once you're used to the taste, soda water is so refreshing. And it doesn't taste bad when room temperature, unlike flavoured sodas. And it's much healthier than drinking anything sugary.
frodofred ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:49:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Kmn am I right?
thebiggestandniggest ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:33:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I read that in the voice of the guy that does regular car reviews.
ForlornWife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:42:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
...And there isn't even a plant anywhere that you can pretend to examine for hours.
Dinsdale_P ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
yep, now I know what I'm having nightmares about tonight. thanks!
iwasacatonce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:46:07 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At least they're playing floyd?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:02:15 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is my hell.
DJNegative ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I read this in the "Actual Cannibal Shia LeBeouf" Narrator voice.
jkljhlgfjh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:50:18 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
its non alcoholic beer.
door_food ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:53:20 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This whole scenario gives me a dull headache
powerfunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh...Yeah, um, I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of, disagree with ya there.
DirgeofElliot ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 17:15:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Reading this gave me anxiety
Danko_Jones ยท 482 points ยท Posted at 13:07:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Slow the fuck down satan
Zerotan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:29:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is worse than all the hells that Cinema Sins condemns people to.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:42:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Psh. I'll be fine. 5 beers in and I'll be everyone's best friend
JRutterbush ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:36:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I know people joke a lot about being socially inept, but are there really that many people who have so much trouble with social interaction?
I mean, I can see one or two people at a party with that problem, but for most people - especially the kinds of people who go to things like dinner parties - that's just an excuse to get to know a bunch of new people.
IntentionalMisnomer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:41:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god it's like an introvert's Sisyphean nightmare!
coleosis1414 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:17:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Aah, yes. The modern Waiting for Godot
the_Ex_Lurker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:30:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone knows the solution is to drink enough that you don't care what people think.
violetxrain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:47:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in hell just reading that.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:06:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
this is awful...oh wait, we have alcohol!
rarebiird ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:33:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
yooooooooo
TalkingFromTheToilet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You spot a dog, thank god you can take refuge in petting a friendly animal. Nope, pukes on your hand. The only bathroom is being used so you have to wash it off in the kitchen sink while everyone fixes up their plates.
Predator_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dinner will be served shortly. The meal consists of a single course of off-brand Lucky Charms, with the marshmallows having been picked out. Served with your choice of whole milk that is 1 day away from expiration or unsweetened soy milk.
Kyanpe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down, Satan.
Sworn_to_Ganondorf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nosleep
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And no alcohol, of course.
UGHHHH
simpersly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was in a car with some people only half of them I knew. We ended up driving to one of the passengers friend's place. They were there for 10 minutes then due to people's drunkenness I was abandoned with 7 people I didn't know, and I had no idea where I was.
JeremyCreek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:06 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a wedding like this. shudders
Inhimility ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:25:21 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man. Worst. Thing. Ever.
Mrubuto ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:29:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. I'd be fine
i_just_want_downvote ยท 1971 points ยท Posted at 14:36:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I actually don't have any food, and since you are here could you help me move?
DrInsano ยท 614 points ยท Posted at 16:24:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"I guess I can make some food after we get done moving. Found a frozen pizza stuck in the back of the freezer when I was cleaning it out, it's a little frost bit and the labeling is advertising Iron Man 2, but it should still be good. You like pineapple and olive pizza, right?"
CuteDreamsOfYou ยท 232 points ยท Posted at 17:17:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It hurts
gangnam_style ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:03:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Awww man, that wasn't even the good Iron Man movie.
CuteDreamsOfYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:16 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
RIGHT??
OPs_Mom_and_Dad ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 18:34:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me, reading this: fuck this, fuck this, fuck this, oh pineapple and olive you say?
I think I'm the only person in the world to like these two ingredients on pizza together. Meat would be nice too, but beggars and choosers, right?
DrInsano ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:39:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So you're the one, eh...
M_tridactyla ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:21:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pineapple, green olives, jalapenos, and canadian bacon is the ultimate sweet/savory/salty/spicy pizza combo.
Drouchebag90 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:27:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pepperoni, pineapple, block olive, bacon pizza is my fave. Add jalapeรฑos if you like spicy and/or buffalo sauce drizzle if you like spicy.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:01:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pineapple and black olive is great. Especially if you throw on some jalapenos.
Starayo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:25:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Throw some anchovies on there and you got a deal.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:44:51 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
You sicken all of us, you nasty fuck. Olives or pineapples alone on pizza are gross but manageable, but together?
That's like a spaghetti carbonara with peas and turkey bacon.
That's like a lasagna with kale and orange chutney.
That's like a risotto with craisins and pumpkins.
That's like acqua pazza with buffalo jerky and cheese wiz.
That's like tortellini with dragonfruit and cuttlefish.
That's like a crostata with stigghiola and kimchi.
That's like a sopressata panini with Reece's Peanut Butter Cups and hรกkarl.
That's like a caramel macchiato with kombucha and angulas.
That's like a calzone with rocky mountain oysters, dried soybeans, mcRibs, frog legs, peanut butter, and margerine.
OPs_Mom_and_Dad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd eat at least half of those too.....
jkljhlgfjh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
but there's nothing else on the pizza, its a floury dough, the cheese is nasty and sparse and the sauce doesn't go all the way to the edge.
alukard15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:59 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pineapple and olive sounds amazing
derglingrush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've never had it, but I love both those things and see no reason why it wouldn't be delicious.
p_iynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:20 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. Pineapple, olive, pepperoni, and banana peppers. Yum.
BarfyFish ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:42:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You think you're making things worse, but you redeemed everything with pineapple and olive pizza. Just add mushrooms!
DrInsano ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:44:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But frost bit pineapple and olives? You sure that'd be good?
BarfyFish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:59:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. With mushrooms.
Kichigai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not with rice?
DrInsano ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:01:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If you're trying to bait me with mushrooms you'd find that that won't work. I like mushrooms on pizza.
BarfyFish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
With pineapple and olives though.
DrInsano ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:05:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
YOU MONSTER!
itswhywegame ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:01:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You know what, I forgot, I have a pork roast in my fridge! It'll take a few hours though, but don't worry! I've got a slideshow of my vacation that will fill the time!
Ixidane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:00:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
uuuuuuggggggghhhhh I can feel the pain emanating from this post.
RotFlower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pineapple and olive is my favorite kind of pizza...
Billybilly_B ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:36:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd shake my head and leave.
Captain_Jokes ยท 125 points ยท Posted at 17:22:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Why does this keep happening to me" -truck owners everywhere
i_just_want_downvote ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 17:29:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: If you keep your truck bed filled with trash, you will always have an excuse to not help people move!
evelution ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Or you help your friends out, and never have to pay for booze again.
cynoclast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And it cuts down on your fuel economy!
Seraphim_kid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:44 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Until your boyfriend cleans it for you as a nice gesture
Bobcat7 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:02:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When that "friend" call and asks if you still have a truck, just say no, a real friend knows whether or not you have a truck, and they don't pull crap like that.
Zukaku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:28 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Do you still have that shitty truck of yours?
Bobcat7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:06 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nope.
gotcatstyle ยท 126 points ยท Posted at 15:29:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No down vote for you, this is perfect. Extremely disappointing.
QuentinLipot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:45:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A down vote for you though!
Skhoooler ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 17:55:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
GimpedNinja ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:29:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Burnt microwave pizza and warm beer later
horacejt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
THIS
AllMadHare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:15 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This was my bachelor party, no joke. Showed up to my friends and he announced he had to move before we could do anything.
[deleted] ยท 597 points ยท Posted at 10:47:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
poopy_wizard132 ยท 434 points ยท Posted at 11:30:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
University Style: Burnt on the outside, but raw on the inside.
TheTallestHobo ยท 165 points ยท Posted at 15:34:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh the scottish pub pie. Microwaved to an inch before setting on fire. Still frozen in the middle.
IcedDiamond ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:51:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You know defrost mode? Yeah... that does have a use...
Mike81890 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:26:13 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact, microwaves are either on or they aren't. When you reduce the power or use defrost mode it's simply alternating on/off at higher or lower ratios
JeanValJeanVanDamme ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:50:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chef Mike sucks.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:13 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
130 upvotes? I didn't even know 130 Scots had the internet. I only got it meself last week after Agnes decided she was sick of watching neds vandalise the shops down the road and wanted to try Netflix instead.
TheTallestHobo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:10:31 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It is pedal powered. Still better than the majority of the US though.
Haephestus ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 16:50:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a meal I had once... Pork chops burnt on the outside and cold on the inside. Undercooked crunchy black beans (al dente?). Homemade applesauce with random seeds and apple-core bits. With Sprite.
Edit: I should clarify. Some folks invited us to dinner. This is what they served. I'm not making any of this up.
Artren ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:44:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Sounds like reheated pork chops via the oven, beans they had never cooked before, or didn't soak long enough, and apple sauce that didn't get strained... Ew.
Haephestus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:09:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. Arkansas...
Pseuzq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:59 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like Rapper's Delight.
SerPownce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
For your sake that Sprite better have hit the spot.
Silent-G ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Something about the idea of Sprite and applesauce grosses me out.
Moltk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:37 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not what needs clarifying. Was the apple stewed in the sprite?
Haephestus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:36:17 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No, that was the beverage. Sprite is just awful.
tacomalvado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Was the Sprite at least cold and refreshing or was it lukewarm?
Haephestus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:18:10 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It was cold, but it was still sprite. Sprite is the worst.
meeetooh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:58 on November 23, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
you should not eat uncooked or undercooked beans, its poisonous.
Haephestus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:26:08 on November 23, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah..... I may or may not have destroyed a toilet after that experience.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 15:33:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This hits close to home, man
SatanKebab ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:34:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But that evens itself out so it's all good.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
'So it evens out.'
SteevyT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pittsburgh rare?
the_nidificator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:01:03 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know that you can prevent that if you use the Power Level setting? It does many... things ... that make your food cook evenly.
Nambot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:47:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I see my mother is hosting this dinner party...
poopy_wizard132 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:50:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom goes to college.
Nambot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:53:51 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah. no I missed that part. She's much too stupid for college. Carry on.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Where im from they call this medium rare with the juices seared in.
PornoPaul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:21 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact, where I work is called University Park (its an office) and that is exactly how I describe their pizza
raybradbruh ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 14:06:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So you're serving hot pockets?
Peachykeen9 ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 14:34:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, Jim Gaffigan, settle down
BorlsDeip ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:15:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Did I eat it or rub it on my face?!
odie4evr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:26:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Take out of package and place directly in toilet.
BorlsDeip ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:23:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Will it burn my mouth?
It'll destroy your mouth.
Kerblaaahhh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Diarrhea Pocket
smalljonumber ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:49:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
One for breakfast, another for lunch, and your dead by dinner.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:59:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
hot pooocckkeettsss (high pitch audience voice.)
cantbrainIhasthedumb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:42:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hot pooocckkeettsss
x1xHangmanx1x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
HAWT PAWKETT!
MeltyHoney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dead pockets~
PATXS ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:38:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You clearly didn't look up the correct instructions for hot pockets.
Time_on_my_hands ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:08:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
50% power for twice the time?
brodymitchell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/r/slightlyunsatisfying
felixfelix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:25:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
....aaah looks like the turkey's gonna take a few more hours. Why don't you chat with Aunt Edna over there?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Its called SEXUAL INTERCOURSE!
e2hawkeye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
I'm envisioning Hot Pockets, non-alcoholic beer and heated arguments about religion.
Whelles ยท 279 points ยท Posted at 12:19:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hot ham water
off-hand ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 21:42:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"What kind of tea is this?"
"Oh, I just boiled some Gatorade."
justinerwin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:44:03 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've been re-using the hot dog water, so they're only going to get better!"
SpeaksYourWord ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 17:04:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Worse; the re-warmed lukewarm water you used to boil hot dogs that sat out to stagnate all night.
michaelontherun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:36:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ, there goes my appetite for the next twelve years.
SpeaksYourWord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:40 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lose weight with style as /u/SpeaksYourWord disgusts you past the point of hunger!
whileurup ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:09:13 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Neighbor always has a jar of "corned beef juice" that she reuses every year for St. Patrick's Day that she keeps in her freezer.
I hack like a cat with a hairball everytime I need some ice or something else from that freezer.
AndJellyfish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:51:17 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Why...
yeebok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I just emptied a pan that had two day in it for just over 24 hrs. Ugh
LoRezJaming ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:07:09 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, wiener water soup, the poverty classic.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:58 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Can't get enough weiner water soup. Deeeelish
SpeaksYourWord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:47:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't heard "Delish" in forever.
Upvote for you.
use_a_choosername1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:03 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
shutter
SpeaksYourWord ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:50:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shudder*
NoxiousDogCloud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's on Anthony Bourdain's The Layover series, but he does a shot of dirty hotdog water after losing a bet.
Comment just reminded me of that.
TheNewGuyNickD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
'Twas a reference my friend
SpeaksYourWord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:29:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh well, I'll let my comment stand.
Anemoni ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 16:51:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It smacks of ham.
Pinyaka ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:42:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Poached salmonella.
YayDrugz ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:59:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Some cornballs would go nicely with that.
Rancor_Mandragon ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:21:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"SISTER'S my new mother, Mother!"
pacificnwbro ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:47:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I like how only a couple of commenters got the reference. Just make sure you turn off the stove when it's done!
kimonolove ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:41:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I feel uncomfortable just reading this. Please, never enter the culinary industry.
epicurean56 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:04:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Only slightly better than cold ham water
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 4399 points ยท Posted at 10:19:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Turns out I'm actually trying to get you into my pyramid scheme. Oh, and you're paying for your meal and refils.
EDIT: TIL I'm a lot more evil than previously anticipated. Thanks for all the responses, I'll sort through and respond asap!
mostlyemptyspace ยท 693 points ยท Posted at 16:38:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god.. I've been to that dinner party.
It was at a coworkers house, he didn't tell anyone this was going to happen, just that it was going to be a healthy dinner party. All the food was vegan. It was just like beans and salads and shit.
Then this creepy overly excited sales guy came out and started this PowerPoint presentation in the middle of dinner. He was selling this like, vegetable powder that you mix with water. It tasted like grass and it got stuck in your teeth. It was terrible.
Guests kept showing up, and one coworker took one look inside and actually refused to come in and just left. I silently mouthed to him "take me with you!"
We all awkwardly refused to buy in to the scheme. A few people bought some jars of the green stuff. As soon as the first person got the balls to leave, every single person left at the same time.
Nobody ever talked to that guy at work again.
Black_Hipster ยท 612 points ยท Posted at 17:48:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't either. The fucking audacity of that guy, leaving like that.
[deleted] ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 19:27:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
ahh, the old reddit coworker-a-roo
TheLegendarySheep ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 20:08:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my TPS report, I'm going in!
KlausBaudelaire ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 22:06:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Take me with you!
AssistantManagerMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:43:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
RIP /u/TheLegendarySheep
_Born_To_Be_Mild_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No wonder your TPS reports are always late.
crazyweaselbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I heard one of the comments got deleted somewhere, take this wayback machine with you.
lol_AwkwardSilence_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:59:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my veggie powder, take me with you!
Shadowy-NerfHerder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:40:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Give me back my stapler, I'm going in!
smd1923 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my soylent, I'm going in!
Arryk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my Ponzi! I'm going in.
Trainkid9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:40 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my vegetable powder, I'm going in!
FarSightXR-20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:58 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha :D
malenkylizards ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 22:27:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh the old Reddit switch-a-roo!
[deleted] ยท 258 points ยท Posted at 18:17:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
One of my mothers friends did this at their wedding. I've never been more taken back in my entire life than when the groom worked a 2 minute pitch into his speech and when his wife mirrored the sentiment in hers. So much wtf and alienation.
mostlyemptyspace ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 18:48:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god are you serious? They are the worst people on the planet.
Can you remember any details? I can't imagine how that would go down.
[deleted] ยท 243 points ยท Posted at 19:03:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It was actually very smooth, but the reason it was so bad was because they were a young gullible couple that honestly thought that by selling fancy Whey protein and caffeine pills, they were doing something remarkable. The older couple who got them into it was there and they've been known in the community for being the annoying family with super human children who claimed it was this crap that made their kids win state titles. It was really awkward, but he basically said, "Babe I'm so glad God has brought you into my life. I can't wait to build you a house in the country and grow our XXXXX business and help impact athletes lives in our city by selling them the only nurtition supplement that doesn't pay pro athletes because they do it for free. There are just so many ways we can change lives... Like with our spark juice that has 37x nor electrolytes and phosphates than regular water... Wow listen to me go. Anyways, my love...."
mostlyemptyspace ยท 184 points ยท Posted at 19:41:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Good lord.. Fucking product placement in a wedding toast. We are Idiocracy.
hakuna_tamata ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:58:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You like money too? We should hang out.
FootofGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:24 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's it. Pack it in. Wrong side won the War.
AssistantManagerMan ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:47:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So it was Advocare then.
Sobertese ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:18:18 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You took your gift back right?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:29 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Man, people do goofy shit. I own a small business and I was a musician so I understand the shameless self promotion. there are good ways to do it, and there are bad. I'm not going to treat them differently just because they made a stupid choice.
Sobertese ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:48:51 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
True, but those kinds of people deserve a third toaster instead. This way they have time to reflect on their life choices while waiting for that pop tart.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:51:11 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha. Well hopefully he had a realization over the bottle of Johnny Walker Blue I got them as a present. I can't remember what I got her.. I think it was something cheap off the registry.
fuidiot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:20:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't....know....something about your....speech. Where can I get this stuff and how much!?!?!?
Lefthandedwolf ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:53:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At their wedding? Are you kidding me? Aren't there like, rules against that in organized religions or something?
Petruchio_ ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:50:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'll need to check the code of canon law. But Jesus never said that you couldn't have product placement...
Oh wait, he did.
RickndRoll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I guess they deserve each other.
malackey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At least it was the happy couple. I went to a wedding where the MoH spent her speech talking about the amazing career opportunity she found with some kombucha drink, and that it was also nice some people got married.
SpaceFace5000 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:09:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Once a fried invited a bunch of us to play smash bros at his house. So about 5 of us proceed to get stoned and head over.
Pyramid scheme. High as fuck. After 2 hours "so you guys still wanna play smash?"
Fuck no we don't
mostlyemptyspace ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:17:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There is a special place in hell just for multi-level marketers.. It's probably a series of cascading toilets, where the Devil takes a fiery shit and it falls on the heads of everyone below.
Zarqon ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:20:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Used to work the night shift at a gas station. One of my co-workers fell for a pyramid scheme and tried to recruit me as well.
Now, at night, there's really not much going on there. So after one or two shifta of trying, she realized I'm not falling for it so she called up the guy who recruited her for reinforcement.
Long story short, I passed like 3 hours of my shift by shooting down every point he was trying to make, with logic like this.
You can't not admire their persistence, though...
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So, I'm having a health food party tomorrow. Can I mark you down as going or should I just barge in on whatever party you go to next with powerpoints?
anang242 ยท 479 points ยท Posted at 15:54:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
This actually happened to me. I was a naive college girl and this other girl in my dorm was super peppy and asked if I want to come to a "cool party" tomorrow. I was a huge nerd so I said sure. The next day we go and as I enter the apartment I see some chairs setup and an easel with drawing paper (a makeshift whiteboard). I'm like huh, maybe Pictionary later? Cringeworthy naรฏvetรฉ. So we sit down in the chairs and out comes this dude and he starts talking to everyone like they all know something I don't. It gets further in and I suddenly realize it's a fucking Amway presentation. Now I'm totally stuck because I got a ride with her and have no idea where the hell I am. After I was finally home I vowed never to go to unknown parties again (that promise did not hold).
TheMatterWithYouRock ยท 490 points ยท Posted at 16:37:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That happened to me once :( At some point, the Amway dude pulls out a check, hiding the amount from us, and goes, "What do you consider a really large amount to earn in a year?"
I said, "100K" because that's what I'd consider large.
The guy scoffed and looked uncomfortable and went, "No, I mean, a reasonable amount for a check."
I think I killed his momentum.
HEYdontIknowU ยท 349 points ยท Posted at 17:15:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
100K was a reasonable answer. That guy just asked a stupid question if he wasn't anticipating an answer close to that or higher.
Engineer_This ยท 229 points ยท Posted at 17:55:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He works for Amway.
Megasus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:54:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
you stoopit
RyghtHandMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:58 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh, sorry. I meant 101K."
jordanlund ยท 305 points ยท Posted at 17:22:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's like that time Mr. Burns offered Homer $600 to drop a workplace injury suit.
"$600! Woo hoo! Hey, wait a second, why $600?"
"Because our studies show that's what poor people consider to be 'a lot of money'."
Rico_Rizzo ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 18:29:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Or Kramer jumping the gun and settling for a lifetime supply of free coffee.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:58:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
fuidiot ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:24:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wrong lawsuit, that was the tobacco company where Kramer became the new Marlboro man.
Kerblaaahhh ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:42:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Woohoo, I'm moderately wealthy! I can rent anything I want!
EverySingleDay ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:07:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I remember this from the Drew Carey show. Did Simpsons do it too?
Shitmybad ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:51:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Many MANY years earlier.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:41:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You have no idea how relevant this is.
arudnoh ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 17:07:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like someone thought he was being innovative when he went off-script and got shot down.
thipp ยท 97 points ยท Posted at 17:15:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
100k isn't even close to unreasonable. Hell, on the scale of "really large", 100k a year is pretty much the minimum.
Bratikeule ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:11:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, wtf. When I think really large I think of the salary of the CEO of a huge company and not 74 grand less than a senator gets.
TheMatterWithYouRock ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:54:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Right?! I think maybe he thought we'd have low standards because we were college students? I have no idea.
thipp ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:59:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure some of you would go on to make more than that 5 years after graduating. What a joke.
DomoInMySoup ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:18:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ok I'm super curious, what amount was on the check? How much did he think was a lot to earn in a year? 100k seems like a good answer to me.
TheMatterWithYouRock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It was a check for $3000 for what he called an exceptional month of sales. It wasn't bad, but I wasn't impressed.
sammysfw ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:30:50 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So he was bragging about making less than $36k a year, and probably lying about that since they're all coached to inflate their earnings.
Kaiiu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:13:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So how much was the check?
TheMatterWithYouRock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:53:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
$3000 for his past month
recoverybelow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a typical amway retard
LogicalEarth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You should have been like "I currently make 100k a year".
TerdVader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Was that in 1974?
TheMatterWithYouRock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
2011
HoodedStranger90 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:15:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Worst game of Pictionary ever.
AssistantManagerMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:55:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh, I know! It's alienating all of your friends and family for the one-in-a-million chance at becoming wealthy!"
savethellamafoyomama ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:05:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
what a mean thing to do :( sorry you went through that!
Simpfally ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I hope if this ever happen to me I'll be able to say "fuck this I'm out!"
MairusuPawa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:40:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've been there as well. A friend of mine called me one day and told me we should meet up and catch up on stuff, since we hadn't seen each others for quite some time. I never expected to find 6 other people staying at his place, and him doing a fucking PowerPoint presentation.
I just politely listened, had fun tracking the inconsistencies in that presentation exercise, and just told him "no" at the end of it. No need to even try to argue as they'll have everything prepared for that as well anyway, and I didn't want to waste more time (but he wasn't prepared for a negative answer without any discussion).
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:40:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of that time I went in to interview for an internship, only to get pitched Southwest Advantage.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:12:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
THEY ALWAYS GIVE YOU A RIDE SO YOU CANT LEAVE
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That just reminded me of the scene from Fear and Loathing with the business guy being afraid to go into a bathroom after seen Hunter and the Hippie with LSD.
Except, it's you and parties now. Godspeed.
JewJutsu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me, though it wasn't a party. I just met a random woman at a bookstore, she asked if I wanted to make extra income so I said sure. She told me about her business and told me she can tell me all about it later. So we met up, she took me to some guy's house and there was an immediate pitch for Amway. Considering I heard about it on reddit, I immediately started laughing and then all the attention was on me. I couldn't leave until it was done though since that woman was my ride home...
The sad thing is, I think I would have actually been more interested in it if I didn't know about Amway beforehand.
sashay33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, unknown parties usually end up being the best ones.
MrBananaHump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:44 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This shit happened to me too, but I also met my best friend in college this way. Me and my neighbor got roped into this shit. Btw, they take you in their own car on purpose so you can't leave. Anyways, I start talking with my neighbor on the way there, find out we have a lot in common, and instantly become good friends. Get to the party, and realize there's only one drink available, some weird energy drink. That when I immediately got suspicious. Talked to my newly made friend, we both agreed that if this was a scheme we would leave. You know what happens next. Some dude in a fancy suit explains how he has a nice bmw or whatever the fuck he said and he just needed an initial investment to make us rich too. As soon as he's done talking, I immediately tell some of the guys trying to swindle us to fuck off with their pyramid scheme. They kick me out quickly, and my friend follows me.
So there we were, at 1 AM, in the middle of Atlanta with no car and shitty cell service. We thankfully found some cops who told us where the nearest subway station was. We also told them where the party was happening and what they were trying to do. Dunno if the cops did anything about it. We were so fucking pissed we didn't even care if we could have gotten mugged walking in the middle of Atlanta through shady fucking streets. We barely caught the last train and made it back to our dorms at like 2 AM. At least I got a good friend out of it.
foogliwoogli ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 15:42:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to me once. Met a girl while shopping who said she was looking for pals and ask that we meet. I arrived at our meeting place first and ordered a glass of wine. She showed up a few minutes later carrying her laptop and apologizing profusely for being late. I didn't think much of it until I asked how her day was and she responded by opening her laptop to a power point slide that was already pulled up and said, " It was great! Let's get started." then proceeded to pyramid scheme me. I wanted to die the entire time.
Mikevercetti ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 16:09:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And why didn't you get up to leave?
foogliwoogli ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 16:39:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, I didn't want to be rude.
carnivorous_plant ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 17:27:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She was being rude. You should have called her out on it and left.
Ls777 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 17:27:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But she is being rude in the first place. You can excuse yourself politely.
Mikevercetti ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:30:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It was rude of them to swindle you into that.
peters_pagenis ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:58:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
you canadian?
SpaceFace5000 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:11:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm always amazed at the extent girls will go to not be rude
Hoberto ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:21:48 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I got married because of this.
Nick1693 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:20 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I go with you now, yes? I'm married... to you?
PattieMcCakes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:38:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, we've all been young (shy, naive, gormless) and foolish. Some of us for longer than others...that's me!
fuidiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wanna go out sometime?
grimmymac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:39:29 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think most people want to try to be polite.
Mikevercetti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No that's just being a pussy. It wasn't polite to lure them into their bullshit presentation. Respect has to be given to be received.
fuidiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, those people are one step down from scientologists, leaving may get you killed.
itswhywegame ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:58:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck no, I would have left immediately. No social obligations in the world would keep me there.
elaxation ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
this happened to me too! I was invited to a 4th of July party and started chatting with this really cool guy. He was super interested in the type of work I do, my job satisfaction, my side freelance work... and asked me to stick around a bit later because some more of his friends were coming by and they'd think I was super fun. I'm like aww yeah networking, flattery and bbq! His friends showed up an hour later, set up a projector and immediately launched into a presentation about Wake Up Now. I sat through the presentation and politely declined. They then asked me to reimburse them for the food and beers I had consumed since I wouldn't be signing up.
JewJutsu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So did you?
ReraldDimple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We need to know!
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:04:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
They watch.
They wait.
They hunt.
chthonicSceptre ยท 1561 points ยท Posted at 13:35:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You win. Fuck you.
Not_A_Facehugger ยท 726 points ยท Posted at 14:37:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And the food is all room temperature, except the bread that is ice cold.
Sandman1031 ยท 273 points ยท Posted at 15:17:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The butter for the bread is even colder
[deleted] ยท 144 points ยท Posted at 15:20:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fresh out of the freezer!
YxxzzY ยท 123 points ยท Posted at 16:36:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
also the bread is very soft, so have fun ripping it apart with your butter.
kalusklaus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:51:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Man I hate you.
YxxzzY ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:35:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
<3
TheInternetHivemind ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shave off a bit of butter with your knife and wrap the bread around it.
8oD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! I always spread bread on my butter.
wanking_to_got ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Together with the red wine.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Read this as flesh out of the freezer. Did t understand but it does sound very unpleasant.
[deleted] ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 15:25:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually butter that was melted, and then re-frozen
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:58:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
vomits
boxjohn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is That even butter anymore?
JakkuScavenger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:14:11 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ican'tbelieveit'snot BUTTER!
MakeThatMark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Refrozen with a turd in it.
8oD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Freshly scraped off of my cast iron skillet!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Mmmm sometimes that can be delicious though because there are MEAT PIECES
Or maybe I'm just super gross?
8oD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, that is what e French call fond. Adding some red wine and reducing it for a sauce is spectacular. I was simply implying letting a stick of butter melt and wad it back together when it solidifies.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I WANT TO DO THIS.
8oD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Look for some Good Eats episodes on Ytube. The tenderloin two-parter is beyond excellent.
Motivation: ABrown uses the remains in the pan after panfrying tenderloin steaks and adds a jigger of coniac, heavy cream and more pepper. I made it once, the sauce can be a bit tricky, but let it thicken in the pan, then BAM! sauce.
flamedarkfire ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 15:34:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And the bread still manages to be so soft you tear it the fuck up trying to spread the butter on it.
BackWithAVengance ยท 362 points ยท Posted at 15:09:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is it Italian bread by chance?
PMMEYOURVAGINAHOLE ยท 212 points ยท Posted at 15:21:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
French bread and cheese.
Soccadude123 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 17:17:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And the bread already surrendered
JustinClarkv1 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:47:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He already said that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
BAUGETTE
GnomeChomski ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:24:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
ooh...I have a great story about my Italian bread baking experience..but no one ever asks.
SpaceFace5000 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:05:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Haha yeah
Sarahthelizard ยท 123 points ยท Posted at 15:35:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Some people think that's gross, but I think it's beautiful.
ancrcake ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:57:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's SEXUAL INTERCOUSE
PM_ME_A_KNEECAP ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:41:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
ITALIAN BREADTERCOURSE
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
M E T A
E โโT
T โโE
A T E M
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of saying meta, you just go more meta.
Sssgth ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 15:21:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
M E T A
E
T
A
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:34:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
W E W
L
A
D
Sssgth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
D A M
S
O
N
ArtSchnurple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A Y Y
L
M
A
O
tangoewhisky ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:11:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
M E T A E E T T A A
AlbaDdraig ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:00:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hakuna metaeettaa?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:21:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
?
tangoewhisky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Mets spelled out in three directions.
Sssgth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
M E T A
E T A M
T A M E
A M E T
DUMPAH_CHUCKER_69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm So Meta Even This Acronym
trollmaster-5000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
...ISMETA?
OH GOD YOU"RE BRILLIANT
EDIT: To the redditor who PM'd to inform me about my punctuation mistake: I shift through my apostrophes, bro.
bmanbahal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
M A N I C U R E D
A
N
I
C
U
R
E
D
Sssgth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
P E D I C U R E D
E
D
I
C
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Hardin_of_Akaneia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:26:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
D E S I G N A T E D
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the747beast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
airstrike ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:25:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus, judging by this thread we're turning into 4chan faster than I had thought.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
W E W
L
A
D
Sssgth ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:00:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
แ( แ )แ [META]
CoffeeAndKarma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What's up with this? I saw a thread about italian bread here yesterday, but I've seen nothing else about it, even though it felt like that thread was referencing something else.
Baldeagleactivist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:47:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He's referencing the thread. The thread was making fun of overused askreddit questions.
CoffeeAndKarma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, okay.
cookster123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:52:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Asphalt
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:00:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up with a mom who was into baking. I always thought it was odd we had things called French or Italian bread as if there was only one kind of bread in either place.
BackWithAVengance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:03:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
well technically any bread that's located in Italy is italian.....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but on the store shelf in Nj?
Rhetor_Rex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:24 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a really skinny baguette, so the pieces are really small, but the inside is stale and the crust is soggy.
oblivionraptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
WE GONE META BOIS
Cheeky-burrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Meta.
ren868 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so meta, even this acronym
trollmaster-5000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
...ISMETA?
OH GOD YOU"RE BRILLIANT
EDIT: To the redditor who PM'd to inform me about my punctuation mistake: I shift through my apostrophes, bro.
Yodude1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant xkcd
DarthJones1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:57:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaand, we've gone meta.
BestRbx ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 14:54:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The lettuce in the "catered" sandwiches is soggy and warm. Probably drowned in mayo too
avantgardeaclue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:22:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite lunch as a child was lettuce sandwiches with mayo. Hell I still love them that's my one what-the-actual-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-youre-a-grown-person food quirks.
TheInternetHivemind ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:53:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well, as long as it has enough mayo I can usually tolerate anything.
particle409 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No bread allowed on the table, I'm highly allergic to gluten.
Tequila_Giraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sucks for you! I like my food that way.
Not_A_Facehugger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Except for you. Yours is ice cold
Pun-Chi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The bread is cheap and the butter is cold. Torn bread for you!
matted- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
โDinner would have been splendid...if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, and the maid as willing as the Duchess.โ
โ Winston S. Churchill
Ace1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The waiter at the open bar doesn't know how to make a Manhattan (actually happened to us at a FYE party).
plipyplop ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 14:38:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
...and the worst part of the dinner was when I actually bought into his scheme.
Jashinist ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:17:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So did my parents, except they're too proud to admit it was a mistake, instead they're glad they had the experience and got the "business knowledge".
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:08:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Did I really though? Looking at the big picture, did I!?!?!?!?
Melodic_692 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:03:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But wait there's more. I invite you to dinner to surprise you with my pyramid scheme pitch, but as I'm vegan I've invited you to the only Vegan restaurant in town, the kind that doesn't ever serve cola
sheikheddy ยท 350 points ยท Posted at 14:08:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If you have to explain why you're not really a pyramid scheme, you're a pyramid scheme.
[deleted] ยท 185 points ยท Posted at 15:50:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JeanValJeanVanDamme ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 17:53:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, it's a tetrahedron, not a pyramid, so it's totally legit.
A_Suffering_Panda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Really, they should call them triangle schemes. Why are we assuming the larger second level down forms any amount of 90ยฐ angles with itself?
justanotherfister ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 16:23:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ha had a guy try to get me into that too. He didn't really have a response when I pointed out that over 90% of those involved don't even make minimum wage doing it via their income statement
Mackem101 ยท 162 points ยท Posted at 14:18:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We are not a pyramid scheme, we are a Triangle Team.
scratchisthebest ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 15:28:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Multi-level marketing."
superwinner ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:36:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Multi-level stealing"
ukulelej ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Multi-level fucking you over"
e2hawkeye ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:30:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Some chump tried to sell it me as "distribution marketing".
The fuck? What does that even mean?
MairusuPawa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:42:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You do the marketing and selling part, and you distribute the money to me.
Demand_101 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently they are using "Network Marketing" now. At least that's what the chick doing beach body on my fb called it when I told her it sounded like a pyramid scheme.
[deleted] ยท 188 points ยท Posted at 15:21:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reverse funnel system.
GunNNife ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 16:00:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Turn it over.
Fadman_Loki ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 16:56:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Darn it!
SkrublordPrime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:54:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nice.
Procyonid ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:43:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"First of all, it's not a pyramid, it's a trapezoid. Secondly, it's not a scheme, it's an opportunity." --Peggy Hill
Urgullibl ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:28:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No, it's a grain storage scheme.
Slop1911 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:08:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
How'd you like to never work again?
GringuitaInKeffiyeh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:32:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a pyramid, it's a reverse funnel.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's what my PowerPoint covers for the first 2 hours.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend from college stay at my house on his way through the country. The ENTIRE weekend, every conversation we had was based on him explaining how his currency trading wasn't a a pyramid scheme. If I was doing the dishes or laundry, he would pull up a youtube video on his phone of some guy making $500,000 in one trade, or when I had friends over, he switched the app on the tv to youtube so he could try and get people interested.
Eventually I asked him how many trades he's actually made, and he said, "w-w-well.. it's not so much about the trades, but I've made 6 or 7." I basically told him to fuck off after that and not bring it up again. He didn't end up staying at my house that evening, and made a big deal about taking his bags with him. Good riddance.
Saedeas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Unless I'm misunderstanding, currency trading (as in forex stuff?) isn't a pyramid scheme at all. It's arbitrage and bullshit rent-seeking, sure, but so are vast portions of our financial markets.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:38 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
forex is an incredibly complex pyramid scheme. You have to pay an entrance fee, and you have to pay a fee per trade which is distributed to the people above you, and you can make money without ever actually trading. I don't know if it's a pure pyramid scheme, but it boils down to pretty much bullshit. If you know how to trade currency I wouldn't go with that platform.
[deleted] ยท 109 points ยท Posted at 14:44:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Xyranthis ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 16:15:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously just said 'Oh fuck you!' out loud. Well done.
SelfHigh5 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:03:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
One that people are talking about!
jsmooth7 ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 15:48:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh but you see, it's not a pyramid scheme. It's multiple-level marketing! You get to be an independent business owner selling shitty energy drinks and granola bars, and if you work hard enough, one day you will have a literal pipeline of money going into your house.
Yeah fuck you too Amway.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck Amway to hell and back
JewJutsu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:34:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't understand this. The woman who tried to recruit me was telling me how her and her husband and parents have their own businesses, but it was really just Amway...Like, it's not your own business!
cantbrainIhasthedumb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:39:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Those energy drinks are so good though.
TeddyBear_Squabble ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:26 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in college one of my coworkers kept telling me he was a businessman as his side job. As a business major I thought he might be a good guy to network with. He asked me to go to one of his business meetings with him and it was an amway event. So disappointing.
SenTedStevens ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 13:37:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. I was going to put that I'd be selling people timeshares.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:43:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I am bringing everyone a copy of True Detective: Season 2
tjwacks ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:42:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I am glad that I am not the only one who didn't care for season 2. I kept on waiting for it to get interesting, never happen.
Otter_Baron ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:55:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Really? It seemed like the majority of reddit hated it. I felt like I was one of the few who actually thought it was awesome. Some parts were better than season 1 (please don't downvote me to oblivion!)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:56 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I ended up watching the whole thing on a plane last month. It wasn't bad at all, just not as good as the first.
I'm not sure if I loved or hated Vince Vaughan's character, though. On the one hand, he was interesting but on the other, he didn't seem like a real person.
princess_wk ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:56:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
.... Like, all of Reddit, or just the people in this thread?
tansii ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:53:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A pyramid scheme AND a time share? We're diversifying our portfolio.
Treestaxx ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:27:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I was grocery shopping with my GF a few years ago after recently moving to a new city together.
"Bumped" shopping carts into this nice couple who also happened to be from Florida originally, they invite us to dinner. Usually that's way to forward for me but we were new to the area looking for something to do.
Arrive at their place expecting to make new friends and they give us the hard sell on Amway.
I kept the Amway sales techniques dvd he let me borrow and never returned it. Got them good.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever you do, don't watch that DVD. They curse those bad boys. When you watch it... well.. that's how a friendly couple like that becomes a galactic empire.
NealS63 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:13:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I knew a guy who did something similar. He was trying to create a spin-off of a popular church in the area. His would be down the road about two hours away.
Anyway. He would invite friends over for dinner and at the last second "surprise them with a pitch" and ask for a donation/seed money. My brother was one of his victims and told him very frankly that it's unethical to do something like that. I believe the guy stopped after that but I'm not sure.
olnp ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:57:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I had two friends, a couple, that always tried this shit. I guessed early on what they were doing so never fell for it. It's baffling how these people can deny that something is a pyramid scheme even if you explain it to them in simplest terms with evidence.
It really is very simple. If the only way to make money is by recruiting other people, then it's a pyramid scheme.
SpaceFace5000 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:12:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
They probably know. But once they get someone believe them, they're suddenly much much higher. People who do this aren't about the morals or the product. It's about the money
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:01:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've got this old neighbor I see at the bar every now and then. We bullshit, we drink, always a good time. Until all of a sudden I'm getting pitched for the millionth time to do the Nerium bullshit.
Somehow, she managed to be one of the very few people to be successful enough to get a car from the company.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:18:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wait. Wait.
You want us to sell Amway?
It's Confederated Products. It's a...It's a different company. It's a different quality of product.
Urgullibl ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:29:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You won't fool me! Everybody knows those are really grain storage schemes!
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I like you.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:44:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I had something similar happen. In college there was this really pretty girl who I was very interested in. I asked her out a few times but no luck.
One day out of the blue she asks me if I want to go with her for dinner and I was all too pleased to accept.
It was a Catholic college student organization social thing that included mass. I'm agnostic and she knew that. Very awkward for me.
But hey, it was a free meal so I stayed. I also no longer had a crush on her as well.
TL;DR Got tricked into going to a religious thing. Doesn't matter had food.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:53:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You, my friend, have escaped the clutches of a crush and got a free food. That is what us hungry people with girl problems declare a "win/win."
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:58:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. I consider it a dodged bullet. The food was really good too. The annoyance detracted from the meal a bit but... free food!
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Food is food. Free is free.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:08 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Amen.
LiquidSilver ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, that's not as bad. Be glad it wasn't something evangelical.
LegitBiscuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:56 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She knew what she was doing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Of course. I actually think she was less concerned with converting me than she was not going to the dinner without a date.
She just knew that I wouldn't go with her if I knew it was some Jesus thing.
StrikeFromOrbit ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:58:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Or; the meal is free, if you buy a timeshare after the slide show.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:06:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If you dont, the meal costs a monthly payment of 5 bucks until I'm good and ready to say you've paid enough.
MrPoptartMan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:14:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm leaving the thread. Fuckin asshole you win the quickest exit competition, took me two seconds.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But at what cost was my victory...
Today, the karma wasn't worth it.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:16:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when I was 21 and was dumb enough to get into one of those. There was a guy we worked with who said he could get a bunch of people to attend a get together where we would ask them to join up (friend's dad was doing the presenting). Said there would also be pizza.
All he told the 6 people that showed up was "free pizza party," then they show up and get ambushed by a guy asking them to join. They were fucking pissed, and we ended up looking like huge assholes.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry to say, but you did more than look like assholes.. :/
But, the way you phrased that makes me believe you may have taken that a little harder on yourself than those people were probably pissed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:06 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, they were pretty pissed lol. And we didn't find out until the next day that they weren't told, so we were all like "yeah, man, the only limit to making money is your own motivation" and ither garbage.
It was all good in the end, because we all kind of knew each other anyway. It was more of a "hey dick, thanks for the 'free' pizza" kind of moment.
bartello ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:25:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Damn conned by the bread sticks
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cold breadsticks that are somehow moist.
bartello ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:20:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Noooooo what next is the sauce watery too??
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's 90 percent water
PM_ME_UR_LARGE_TITS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:01:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
and the party is cohosted by some door to door salesman you just met who apparently is a registered sex offender
sup3rdr01d ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:31:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And paying extra for napkins, straws, and condiments. And the food sucks, is expensive, and in incredibly tiny portions. Also its raining.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the door fee.
Aardvark108 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:23:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs not a pyramid scheme, itโs a reverse funnel system!
PurpleCapybara ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:07:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Monster.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:05:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dat me :(
EvanLIX ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:17:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Where do I put my feet?
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
On a pillow. But that's an extra 4.00.
Besides that, you hover them.
gothsurf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
cousin steve?
Biffmcgee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:42:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My coworker has a nice condo. His friend asked if he could come over. He ended up inviting 100 people or so and tried selling supplements.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's totally fucked. Hope your coworker doesn't address him as friend anymore.
Biffmcgee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think he tried suing him for damages
wanking_to_got ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:43:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Host looks like him: http://www.cineclub.de/images/2003/about_schmidt_11.jpg
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
IT ME
PicklePicker3000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't this a story on reddit? I know I have read I here before.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was a TIFU. I read it not too long ago. The dude thinks he's getting laid and gets trapped with another dude, right?
UpsetUnicorn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:57:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's a door prize. The host's sibling or best friend wins.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:44:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The prize is the opportunity to leave an hour early. The bouncer has been told no one's leaves before 11pm.
8bitslime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:11:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that you have to pay for refills is what makes it evil.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The first drink is free. Comes with the entry fee >:)
PuffsPlusArmada ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:47:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I will literally fucking kill you if the doors are locked from the outside.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, no. Far worse.
The door is unlocked but I spent a fortune on my Real Fake Doors. There are 50 of them. You get one guess. You were blind folded on the way in. You can buy an extra guess for 35 dollars.
PuffsPlusArmada ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:12:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I will pull off the blindfold and kill you then find the real door.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:16:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But with these new age vitamin berry waters, I can't die! That's why you need to buy before the big market founds out about our secret revolutionary product!
Besides, I hired security. No one leaves before 11pm.
PuffsPlusArmada ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'll navy seal copypasta those fucks. They are not prepared for real life John McClane to step into this deviously engineered pyramid scheme pitch. Their blood is now on your hands. You've made orphans of their children by proxy. Can you handle that? Can you handle that awesome responsibility /u/DontTrustmyResearch?
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:28:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you didn't read the agreement? By entering my home you've agreed that all life insurance from lives lost is legally in my name now. Have a free vitamin kale bread apple energy drink on the house.
PuffsPlusArmada ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I would never agree to such terms before entering unless they were a part of the ITunes terms and conditions and I was then lured into your lair. In that case I'm assuming you are the vengeful spirit of Steve Jobs come to claim people's souls that they unwittingly bargained away in the Faustian contract clause nobody has noticed this whole time. Should that happen I'll banish your soul back to the nether realm from whence you crept using a heretofore unspoken incantation designed to exorcise lesser demons. Checkmate bitch.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ok.. ok...
I'll accept defeat for 5 small payments of 19.99.
-TheWrongThingToSay- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So cheap you kept one of the Ls from "refill".
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I caught that when I woke up and decided to just eat my own failure. But, your theory better suits my needs.
That will be 3 dollars for posting in my post.
AssistantManagerMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Something about me attracts multi-level marketers, I think.
My ex girlfriend's good friends, whom I felt I couldn't say no to a meeting with because they're her good friends.
My former office mate.
My parents.
The random woman behind me at the grocery store.
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Only one has pestered me. I live in a major city, pretty small for a major city if you ask me, and I don't get flagged down by people at all really. I get hit with the druggies and homeless. At this point I can spot a druggie a mile away. Never a pyramid scheme person though.
Stellapacifica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Story time!
TL;DR: Passion Parties are shitholes.
I got invited to a "girls' party" a little while ago. As it turns out, it was a Pure Romance (google on your own time) thing, where we were all told that men are horrible at pleasing women, that we need all sorts of menthol gels and ridiculously strong vibrators because no matter how good our communication and how attentive our partners, they'll never get us off. Problems with this included:
Two of the girls there were in a relationship (with each other) and thus didn't give two shits about having a man fail to please them.
I'm in a quite happy and fulfilling relationship with my male fiance, and didn't appreciate her blatant sexism. Yes, it's still sexism if it's directed at men. This was cringey beyond belief because she didn't seem to know or care - just spewed all sorts of generalizations and lies.
The one who had brought her there was the only one of us who actually wanted to be there, and she pretty obviously just wanted the free toys that come with hosting a party.
I went into the back room with the saleswoman in turn, as we all did, and pretty much flat out told her that I didn't want anything because I had a fulfilling sex life. She told me that not buying anything would disappoint my host.
Nothing was under $25. We're all college age gals, and I for one don't have that kind of scratch to blow on stuff I don't need.
She made sure to have the host provide plenty of alcohol - alright, a common trick for these, but still scummy.
Noped out of their next get-together, don't plan to go back.
TalkinBoutJesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
U mean reverse funnel system??
klethra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:31 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I went to that one minus paying for food and drink. It was actually a very pleasant experience, and I almost felt bad for not getting roped in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:31 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've unfortunately seen my own mom do something very similar
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reverse funnel system
TheShawnP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's it! Pack it up boys, threads over!
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It was an honor to reddit with you.
thread slowly sinks as we upvote into the deep cold waters
the_Ex_Lurker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Plus, OP's mom is invited
DontTrustmyResearch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone's mom was invited. They stayed the night before actually. 200 dollars to free your mother from my harem.
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 449 points ยท Posted at 12:58:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The food is exquisite, the surroundings are opulent, the musical accompaniment is tasteful and low key. The wine is perfectly paired with each course, and the seating plan is most conducive to interesting and entertaining conversation. And then my housemate Steve walks in wearing nothing but some stained Y-fronts and a tshirt bearing the slogan "Swallow MY Pride". He notices that one of the female guests is attractive so shouts some derogatory comments whilst rummaging in his briefs. He also threatens two of the other guests based upon their race, before vomiting onto the centerpiece and passing out.
Fuck you, Steve.
shoyurx ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 16:06:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what Y fronts are and I'm afraid to google it :(
Chester_Allman ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 16:15:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tighty whities.
Also, Steve sounds not unlike a former roommate of mine from South Africa, though in fairness he never actually shouted any derogatory comments at anyone. But the underwear, the vomit, the passing out - all are on point.
TheShwayze ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:33:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
South African here. We're all Steves, apart from a bunch of uppity people who think they're too good for underpants at the dinner table.
Chester_Allman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:33:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, I was recalling it wrong. He was indeed too good for underpants. The particular situation I'm thinking of is when a female friend of mine found him passed out on our dorm room floor, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. No underpants. Next to his head was a box of chocolate chip cookies my grandma had baked and sent to me. The box of cookies was filled with my roommate's vomit.
He was actually a Chad, not a Steve. Despite the cookie incident, and many other things, I remember him fondly. Hi Chad, if you're out there.
FlyingScotsmanZA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds more like a Kobus than a Chad. :p Not all of us are like that by the way, mainly just the Afrikaners.
Chester_Allman ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:05:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh he was English South African. The only people he explicitly disliked were Afrikaners. Anyway he was no worse than a lot of American college freshmen. And he was so goddamn cheerful about it all that I couldn't really hold it against him. We were all just dumb 18 year olds.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:04 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He dislikes us because he's never allowed at any of the cool parties, because he takes every opportunity to pretend he's better than us :P
Tutush ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:31:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My uncle used to live next door to a group of South African roommates. One of them was called Adolf.
Doctah_Whoopass ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Did he have missing front teeth, and a desire to stab people?
Chester_Allman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No stabbing. He slept with my ex girlfriend once, which inspired in me a desire to stab him. We got past it, though.
He had a full set of teeth, but despite that, I couldn't understand a goddamn word he said for the first week or two we lived together.
today_is_yesterday ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:29:09 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for answering
Jacosion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Banana hammocks.
today_is_yesterday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:59 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for asking
AchtungKarate ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:05:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Did... did this actually happen?
BeaFreeman ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:33:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Found the Brit.
frostburner ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bit late to realize that
jakeof_statefarm ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:35:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is oddly specific, need to talk about it?
tinkerpunk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:06:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
dh_zao ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:16:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
True story?
degjo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:21 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Swallow my pride is a god damn grunge staple. Steve is a mother fucking saint mang
ChippyLipton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Did this actually happen? It feels like it did.
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:50:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! No. It's just my super-realistic writing style. It makes you feel like you're actually there, like smell-o-vision.
tomholder ยท 2235 points ยท Posted at 10:47:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The salad knife and fork are improperly placed outside of the main course knife and fork.
Napkin without napkin ring
Communal rather than individual butter dish
๐๏ธ mrboombastic123 ยท 2048 points ยท Posted at 11:02:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This level of peasantry exists only in my nightmares.
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 428 points ยท Posted at 12:46:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I bet the guests don't even know how to use a vichyssoise fork.
st_sebastian ยท 279 points ยท Posted at 13:14:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fool! Vichyssoise is eaten with tongs, everyone knows that.
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 501 points ยท Posted at 13:16:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry! I didn't know, because my school was free.
holdmytooth ยท 266 points ยท Posted at 14:43:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Free, you say?
Good heavens! The indignity!
clumsychef ยท 153 points ยท Posted at 16:23:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
This is something my Butler gerard told me happens to the upper middle class. Just disgusting.
edit: oh, I uppercased his name, silly me. ammended
michaeltobacco ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 18:10:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
grumpydan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:02:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You know Gerard Butler????
holdmytooth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your ammendment was well received in the diamond manufacturing community rather well, Stonewall!
Imanorc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:29:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She's gone sir, they've all gone. And we're back. The incredibly posh people who are still unaccountably waiters.
[deleted] ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 16:32:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Free, because the school was founded by a trust created by your great-great-grandfather's estate, surely?
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:52:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He stole the kaiser's marbles and fled for Blighty by hot air balloon.
TheDoktorIsIn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hide your shame, sir.
DeViN_tHa_DuDe ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 15:19:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Actually vichyssoise is a puree of leeks and potatoes so it would be hard to eat with tongs.
Source: Culinary school
[deleted] ยท 201 points ยท Posted at 16:13:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ha. I googled vichyssoise and found that out for free. I'll bet you regret having gone the 'culinary school instead of google' route now, eh?
clumsychef ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 16:27:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ha. You don't even know what a leak is! If you'd gone to culinary school you'd understand that they are six feet tall and have teeth like fillet knives. You need the tongs to take them down.
source: Briefly owned a leak.
thipp ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 17:21:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're all wrong
Source: I'm a plumber
Moltk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:47:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I have no opinion on the matter but I am an engineer.
Source: Im an engineer.
charlesmarker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:30:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We are, we are, we are, we are, we are the engineers!
We can, we can, we can, we can, we can drink all 40 beers!
Because, because, because because, they come alone along with us!
'Cause we don't give a damn for anyone who don't give a damn for us!
(Musical interlude)
My Father was a miner on the upper Malamute!
My Mother was a hostess in a house of ill repute!
At the tender age of six, they threw me on my ear,
And there was nothing left for me to do but become an engineer!
jackiepoollama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:44 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're even more wrong
Source: Am taking a leak
qxe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:16:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I took a leak once
Jefftheperson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Briefly. Now the leak owns you.
NUGGET__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Leakspin.com
Phyco_Boy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:21:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It was up to this point I thought that was a made up word. I'm actually still not sure.
Urgullibl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:31:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's got Anthony Bourdain hooked on food before he got hooked on heroin, so it has that going for it, which is nice.
BeaFreeman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:29:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Vichyssoise is the only cold soup I like. Amelie's French Bakery makes one to die for.
Urgullibl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:31:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Thatsthejoke.jpg
FireEagleSix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Peasant! Eat it with your beard.
le1ca ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:32:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that a soup? U wot?
p_iynx ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:51:02 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Vichyssoise is soup. I made a carrot and potato vichyssoise for my kid sister's 10th birthday party and the girls devoured it. Also basic pastas and finger sandwiches, etc.
ALittleNightMusing ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:13:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's all in the wrist!
Lokiem ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:17:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad I don't partake in dinner parties, far too many similar enough; though varied in size, cutlery.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:01:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shit so fancy I needed a second monocle
holdmytooth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:27:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So....spectacles?
Coooturtle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bless you.
40inmyfordfiesta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this was the plot of a Frasier episode...
PriestlyAxis77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Do you actually get rude haikus?
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:47:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I get tons of them. One of these days I should plop them all together and stick them in a big post for everyone to enjoy.
wmxp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:54:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a good thing he didn't tell you about the dirty knife...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:04:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
r/poshconversations
adriarchetypa ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
TIL My family are peasants.
[deleted] ยท 191 points ยท Posted at 14:07:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
shoyurx ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 15:40:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dear!
ArtSchnurple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:20:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well I never!
the_nidificator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:13 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is that Carrie Fisher?
RetroRocket ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:23:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought clutching at pearls was like a deez nuts gesture for the upper class
Imayormaynotexist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:59:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No, no, the brits consider napkin rings to be very nouveau riche.
OutInABlazeOfGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:16 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, clutching
hisher pearls.michaeldunworthsydne ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 14:21:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Napkin without napkin ring? Dam son. You must attend really nice dinners. I've never seen further than "napkin box thing" which is usually made of wood and has something sitting on top of it hat allows you to still comfortably drag a napkin out from beneath, but in the event of a breeze, it insures no napkins depart said wooden napkin box. What are you and your friends doing for dinner later this week? Can I join?
I'll bring a Digiorno, even.
Bojangthegoatman ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 15:26:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's not delivery. It's barely even pizza!
DCJ3 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:36:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's not delivery, but it still satisfies the legal minimum requirements to be called 'pizza' in the state of Arizona.
tinkerpunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Freschettamasterrace
Bojangthegoatman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:24:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
littleceasarshotandreadymasterrace
LittleBigKid2000 ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 13:03:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Individual butter dishes?
tomholder ยท 125 points ยท Posted at 13:37:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well yes, we're not complete barbarians!
0OKM9IJN8UHB7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I know right? Does everybody get their own salt shaker too?
demostravius ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:30:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But you eat from the outside in, assuming you are having the salad as a starter/entrรฉe that is the correct order.
for2fly ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 14:55:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Napkin rings are not for formal dinners or to be used when entertaining guests. Their intended use is so you and your family can reuse your cloth napkins. The ring holds the napkin between meals, keeping it ready for reuse at your place at the family table.
tomholder ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 15:01:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wikipedia begs to differ: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Table_setting#/media/File:Formal_Place_Setting.jpg
[deleted] ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 16:06:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wikipedia is a site maintained by the commoners, and as such is not to be trusted for rules of formal dinner etiquette, as those of such low birth will not have been properly educated on such matters.
StutteringDMB ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:50:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
One can be formal, yet still dine en famille.
for2fly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:44:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Miss Manners FTW
meddlingbarista ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:15:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What, your butler doesn't know how to do the Hapsburg napkin fold?
crankedtothemax ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:00:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
damn, /u/for2fly got TOLD
rackpuppy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nah /u/for fly was right (in some instances anyways). Just cause its in a picture doesn't mean it's accurate
Check his comment, links to a Miss Manners post https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3s48kr/you_are_hosting_the_worlds_most_disappointing/cwufeou.compact
Shaz201 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:57:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nor are napkin rings seen above the middle classes
BeemoBMO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the whole laundry thing was a more key factor in the reusing cloth napkins...
kaelan_gibson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is probably a case of the original useage evolving into something quite different in modern usage
Crips_o_Craps ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:21 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's just not true, at least where I'm from.
for2fly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No one can help where they're from. It's where you're headed -and how you get there that matters.
Teledildonic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Gravity takes care of that my house. Do you live on the ISS?
Shhiru ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:55:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Only a savage would rely on gravity.
robert_scatozza ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:32:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A "napkin ring"-less napkin is one of the top 3 disappointing aspects of the worlds most disappointing dinner party? Not bad food? bad people? non-existent sexy singles in your area that are looking FOR YOU?
tomholder ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:39:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The difference between a ringed napkin and an unringed one is not merely decorative. No, sir, it is the difference between the rule of law and anarchy.
robert_scatozza ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:29:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like there's a reference I'm missing, or maybe I'm just classless. Or maybe a bit of both?
tomholder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
no reference
robert_scatozza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:01:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Classy move not calling me classless, it was implied. I like it, definitely going to incorporate your etiquette into my lifestyle. This was a learning experience, thank you.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:50:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I once went to a dinner where they served champagne in wine glasses.
I still have nightmares.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:19:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No soup spoons
2OP4me ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:31:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Theres no such thing as a salad knife... salad fork yes, but no knife.
Grarr_Dexx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We need to go deeper. The butter dish should have crumbs on it from the start. Some of the gravel from rye bread would be great too.
bundle_of_bricks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually really annoying.
Skulder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:17:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No tongs for the sugar?! What's next, is Attila joining the Polo game?
UpsetUnicorn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The tablecloth is the wrong length.
Ketzeph ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Communal dishes?
Pah, NOOCMD.
Emphursis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is unprecedented!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And french bread without cheese on it.
DoctorWaluigiTime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What is a napkin ring?
Bellyzard2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus fuck go back to your mud hut you fucking barbarian swine
MissLullaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the napkin ring. There's a lot of debate on that thing. Some people refuse to use them, because they're from a time where laundry was not done every day, so the ring was to let you know which napkin belonged to who. Modern laundering methods have rendered them unnecessary.
Edit: Now if only I had scrolled down far enough to see that someone already mentioned this.
tinkerpunk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I don't do laundry every day, so...
MissLullaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You reuse cloth napkins without washing them first? If so, well, that's what the napkin ring is for.
tinkerpunk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:35:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Interestingly, I cloth diaper my kids but still use paper towels. Go figure.
keenly_disinterested ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And no knife rests...
Fett2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The scotch is blended instead of single malt.
BelgianSexWaffle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:17 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No finger bowls!
HacksawJimDGN ยท 844 points ยท Posted at 10:57:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's not really a dinner party. It's an intervention.
"Why don't you have a seat over here...."
holdmytooth ยท 288 points ยท Posted at 14:47:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
It would be nice to hold an intervention for a friend who hosts terrible dinner parties.
Edit: omitted a word
friday6700 ยท 145 points ยท Posted at 16:39:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Frank, please. Stop trying to go through my snacks to make hors d'oeuvres. No, we don't need music and everyone already has a drink. For gods sake, Frank sit down! You have a problem!"
NotAPledge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:20:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I read this in John Oliver's voice. It made me laugh, so thank you.
jackiepoollama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:33:28 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
John Oliver has classically conditioned my brain to read anything that repeats a random name out of context, in his voice. The rat faced bastard
Ashley_Forca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like my mom
chipmunk7000 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:35:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The intervention is in the form of a good dinner party to exemplify how dinner parties should be, while simultaneously telling the person they throw shitty dinner parties and telling them that you're there because you care about them and their entertaining capabilities.
holdmytooth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:40:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh the madness!
Zerotan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:57:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That episode of How I Met Your Mother?
http://giphy.com/gifs/iggy-azalea-how-i-met-your-mother-intervention-6U4U2XPbVbmU
holdmytooth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I had this in mind throughout!
hamburglerX ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:51:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is Chris Hanson the host of the party?
coleosis1414 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:21:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've always wanted to host an intervention for a friend for something stupid. A really involved prank, if you will, and everybody stays totally emotionally invested the whole time.
Like, hold an intervention for liking Harry Potter too much. Or shopping at Whole Foods too often. Or rolling over too much in your sleep.
Nico_tine ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:56:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you guys, I'm ready to die for my thousand island habit. I was dead inside from it long ago.
Hellkyte ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As long as the drinks are still good I'm ok with that.
razorbeamz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:50:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And it's not even your intervention. Wouldn't that be awkward?
masterzoney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And you're not even addicted to anything.
workraken ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:30:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Except perhaps mediocrity.
PornoPaul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:37 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You have inspired me! I'm going to have an intervention for someone who doesn't need it for something really stupid.
2_Ducks_in_a_Handbag ยท 592 points ยท Posted at 10:37:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You'll walk into the house and you can expect to smell candles bought at the dollar store, and one of those sample cd's that have like 4 mediocre jazz songs on them (the CD is on repeat by the way). You'll sit down at the table and for the appetizer I will be serving pasta with no sauce, and wilty salad with no dressing. To drink there will be champagne, just kidding, it's sparkling cider I got from the discount market. For the main course I will be serving, broccoli that's been steam cooked for far too long, microwaved "baked" potatoes with nothing to put on them besides low fat, salt free, off brand butter. And tough overcooked steak that's not hot anymore. And for desert I will be serving low fat, gluten and sugar free, vegan oatmeal and raisin cookies. Enjoy :)
[deleted] ยท 290 points ยท Posted at 12:24:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
wangchung16 ยท 291 points ยท Posted at 14:47:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No college kid is desperate enough to eat those goddamn lies that call themselves cookies.
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 15:17:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a college kid and I wouldn't stoop so low.
Commodorez ยท 148 points ยท Posted at 15:17:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
... I like oatmeal cookies...
OctorokHero ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 15:42:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm right with you. Oatmeal cookies are delicious. It seems like I'm one of the few people in the world who likes raisins...
Crazylittleloon ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:33:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I love oatmeal raisin cookies as long as I'm expecting oatmeal raisin cookies.
If I take a bite into one thinking it's a chocolate chip cookie, that's when I get mad.
Fadman_Loki ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:01:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's literally dozens of us!
thewolfsong ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:20:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I feel certain that when I was a child everyone loved raisins. I feel like someone complained about them once and everyone jumped on the circlejerk and is in too deep now
Scipion ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:01:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm with you buddy. I love raisin's. I'll eat them by the handful as a snack gladly. Grapes aren't really my thing though.
Tutush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I love grapes but I can't eat more than 5 at a time for some reason.
thewolfsong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Grapes are a wonderful fruit. I mean they make wine so...
Cobbleking32486 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
candy corn is another thing that's like that.
thewolfsong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:30 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah! I like candy corn.
Cobbleking32486 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:25:06 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
once again, there are dozens of us.
thewolfsong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:41 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Do we have membership cards?
Cobbleking32486 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:50:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
wait, you don't have yours yet? gives membership card
oh_look_a_fist ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:16:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck raisins! They took a decent fruit, that can be turned into a tasty adult or child beverage, and instead made it into some disgusting pill of chewy remorse. It's candy for old people that have spent a lifetime smoking and can't taste things anymore. It even looks like they do: the shriveled up existence of what they used to be. Raisins aren't food, they're depression in a box.
critfist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Even low fat, gluten free, sugar free oatmeal cookies? Without flour gluten, sugar, or butter, then what are you making? A water, oatmeal, and raisin mush?
Scipion ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:03:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There are other ingredients you can use.
critfist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Madness and vulgarity!
internetkid42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not even vegan and I love vegan cookies (but really, is there even such things as a bad cookie?). Rolled oats and mushed banana + raisins and cinnamon (the cinnamon is important in boosting the sweetness), cooked on ~350F for ~20 minutes for a cookie the size of your hand. Awesome stuff.
critfist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:09 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, I know with things like banannas it's Delicious, When you make cookies you need the sugar, fat and "glue."
internetkid42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:04 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I am not sure if I am misinterpreting your comment by inferring that you mean that the cookies are missing glue, so forgive me if I'm being redundant. But the bananas act as a binding agent just as eggs do, and I believe apple sauce can be used as well.
CaptHoff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Right there with you. Everyone I know hates raisins cookies except me.
The_True_Lord_Cthulu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
SilentGaia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's only two things I like that I don't mind that there's raisins in them. Oatmeal raisin cookies are one of them. Raisin bran somehow is another one.
Lidesia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There are dozens of us
Cobbleking32486 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
there are dozens of us! dozens!
StrawberryR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:35 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only decent way to eat raisins is in oatmeal cookies.
[deleted] ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 15:36:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
Commodorez ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:46:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
D:
Defavlt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:36:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
GET THE PITCHFORKS!
Oblivious_Oathkeeper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:20:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I always knew Lionel Richie was an alien!
ArtSchnurple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No human can write songs that smooth!
The_Ghast_Hunter ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:39:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
i do too, but these are also vegan, low fat, gluten free and sugar free. at this point they're almost not cookies.
gsfgf ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:22:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oatmeal cookies are awesome. Low fat, gluten free, sugar free, vegan cookies would just be cardboard and raisin though.
1l1l1l1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But with raisins?
Shaeos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but if it's gluten free you have 3 hours to eat it before the texture changes.
thiscommentisboring ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You need 3 hours to eat a cookie?
Shaeos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:26 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
... yes?
Yess-cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The VEGAN ones?
Jacosion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES ARE THE BEST COOKIE IN THE WORLD!
FACT.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't believe you.
OutInABlazeOfGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips are like gods. But Oatmeal raisin, no, that's not a cookie. That's a demon.
Nollie_flip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:21 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, me too, but probably not if they were low fat, sugar free, vegan cookies. Cookies are a fucking dessert, desserts are indulgent, making them low fat and sugar free defeats the purpose.
PMmeforsocialANXhelp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing wrong with oatmeal cookies, it's the fucking raisins.
totallyknowyou ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:17:38 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hell Yeah! Oatmeal Raisin Cookie master race. Chocolate chip cookies suck.
Snoopythegorila ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's okay, it's okay. It was only a hypothetical. /patontheback
wangchung16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:02 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't let the mean raisins hurt me sniff
Dubalubawubwub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:41 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not deliberately, but they look so much like chocolate chips...
wangchung16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:26 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that those raisins look enough like chocolate chips that just maybe they might be"
chubberbrother ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's meat, it's free, and it's not in the form of pizza. Sounds like a good night.
Curlysnail ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 12:25:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit plain pasta sign me up.
won_vee_won_skrub ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:59:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My uni serves plain pasta and it tastes like water. That's what I imagine the pasta above tastes like. It's horrible.
PATXS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:40:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah same.
TY_BASED_GABEN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I love this one because of how realistic it is, sounds 100% possible.
sleeplyss ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:28:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My face started to downturn at "mediocre jazz."
Urgullibl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Can't we just have your breasts?
TonyzTone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Like two different types of cookies? One set of oatmeal cookies and one set of raisin cookies? Not even oatmeal-raisin cookies?
2_Ducks_in_a_Handbag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Naw, both mashed together into one cookie
TonyzTone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:28:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's a better than separate.
Old_Kendelnobie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:36:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At least it's not boiled steak
Primnu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Far from disappointing honestly.
Voldemort_5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:01:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If you're trying to tell me that raisin cookies are bad then you can just go home pal. Those things are absolutely stellar and if you think otherwise your opinions are wrong.
shoyurx ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:02:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
They're sugar free raisins though (is that a thing?)
celocanth13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:07:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All raisins are "sugar free" because no sugar is added.
Dixnorkel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That is my hell, except mine would have margarine instead of low fat butter
SouthpawRage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, sparkling cider is tasty :(
Other than that, you're basically satan's mediocre cousin.
silverbackjack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
sounds mint mate
Oblivious_Oathkeeper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
GO TO HELL!
MikeKM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I love my mother, but this sounds like her cooking. Everything is overcooked, meat/steak is always well done because of fears of salmonella. Her excuse? That's the way food was always done on the long gone family farm.
marinewannabee97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Better than my tea.
evelution ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I see you've had dinner with my in-laws.
2_Ducks_in_a_Handbag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:09:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! Oh man, I'm so sorry
cynoclast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if you've tried much GF food, but it's generally tastier due to the worse for you, higher calorie ingredients they have to substitute....but...they also go stale more easily and far more quickly.
deltarefund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:35 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd still eat the cookies
Seraphim_kid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Replace the desert with an awkwardly inserted birthday cake by the hosts mother and you and a handful of guest just awkwardly sing happy birthday as you realize it's actually said person birthday
Diabetesh ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:18:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Asked mom what was for dinner, prime rib (that's good I like prime rib and she makes it pretty well) and baked potatoes (not so well). The baked potato part throws me off so much I go pick up something to eat instead of prime rib.
Caleb-Rentpayer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:21:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell is wrong with you?! Baked potatoes are amazing!
Diabetesh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think bacon, chives, sour cream, butter, and cheese are amazing. The potato just seems to ruin it.
icypops ยท 424 points ยท Posted at 11:24:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The food just doesn't taste good. Like it's not awful but it just doesn't taste right, so people are taking a few bites and then just pushing the rest around their plate.
There's some tension between the guests. Sharon was sleeping with Tom and he gave her crabs so they haven't really spoken for a while. There was no seating plan and because they showed up late they ended up sitting together which just made things worse. Everyone knows what happened but is pretending to not know, and Tom is taking every chance to make slight digs at Sharon because he's bitter that she stopped seeing him so everyone is trying to keep the conversation away from topics he can twist around to them but he keeps finding new and inventive ways.
The dog keeps whining at people's feet to beg for food but there's nowhere to put him because he tears rooms apart when he's left unsupervised so everyone has to just ignore him.
Ultimately everyone pretends to be having a good time but once it's finished they all vow not to come to a dinner party here again.
EDIT: or it could go like my last dinner party where I made chilli which should have been delicious but my pepper grinder spilled open and peppercorns fell into the chilli when I had no ingredients to remake it. My fiancรฉ went through it thoroughly with a spoon but there were some still in there.
QuintonFlynn ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 16:16:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's funny how much drinking can solve this problem. Pretending to have a good time can dive into actually having a great time, for everyone involved, after just a couple glasses of wine each. Things go from a "oh god someone make this less awkward" into "This night started off slow, but smoothed out and I had a good time!".
The issue is, half the people in the party are driving and won't stay over or find other ways home, and the other half won't drink because their spouse can't.
PornoPaul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:26 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And ultimately Tom and Sharon, after a healthy dose of drinks each, wind up shacking up in the only bathroom in the house while a line begins to form. This is bad enough, but everyone has had to listen to the two of them bitch for the past couple weeks and were finally starting to get them to calm the fuck down, and you just KNOW this is going to rekindle a wave of name calling and "How can you be friends with him/her?" At which point you have to remind them that you're neutral. That, and that line finally made Jake take his drunk ass out back where, as he's whizzing, gets spotted by the neighbor who calls the cops on you.
Mike81890 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And yet when I suggest it I feel like an alcoholic. I'm not looking forward to getting older when I can't rely on my friends to drink as much as they do now
annapolitano ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:11:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Equally as awkward as tension between the guests would be tension between the HOSTS...their marriage is starting to fall apart, they spend the entire time sniping at each other passive aggressively, one of them frequently has to leave the room the cry, etc.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:02:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Poor Sharon.
miapoulos ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:34:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All I'm saying is if you give the semi-shitty food to the dog and give beer to the people, you got yourself something good now.
zombiegamer723 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:31:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's a dog, it's a good party for me. I'll just be sitting in the corner petting the dog.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:43:55 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As a teenager I spent an entire slumber party hanging with the dog. I had no idea my friends were such bitches. The dog and I had a great time.
ghettomuffin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:48:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, just scoop the area they fell into with a spoon
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So, my last dinner party then?
ooklebomb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So, a family reunion?
FarSightXR-20 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:02:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh boy, crabs? I remember my friend in rez at uni saying his dad (doctor) told him that you can't really catch anything from a toilet seat, except crabs. You can get crabs from a toilet seat. No idea if this is actually true.
Mike81890 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:29:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your edit... noooooo! That's the worst thing in the world. And all your friends go "no... I'm sure it's great... don't worry about it" and you know they don't really believe you're a good cook and they'll never truly trust you to cook for them again.
And you're so hungry and spent so long making the goddamn chilli :(
[deleted] ยท 557 points ยท Posted at 10:48:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 276 points ยท Posted at 15:31:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As the dad of a three year old, this makes me sad... but you're not wrong
Sylente ยท 237 points ยท Posted at 15:54:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man, it's ok. Pretty soon your three year old will be 25, living on their own, and won't call you anymore. You can go to dinner parties again!
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 16:12:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Actually I love hanging around with him. The thing that makes me sad is that I know his behavior is probably annoying to other people, even though I find it cute. He's not a brat or anything, just has a lot of energy and isn't exactly in control of his "inside voice" yet.
Sylente ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:18:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, sounds like a three year old. At least you're aware that he can be annoying. I'm hoping that means you try to control his behavior in public somewhat. It seems that some parents are not as aware, which is the real issue. Hope you and your son have a great future!
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:25:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! Yeah I try to keep him calm in public and also spend most of our time in places where there are a lot of other kids. Wouldn't take him to a fancy restaurant for example. Not yet.
Sylente ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:27:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
On behalf of restaurant-goers everywhere, thank you.
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:36:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Haha you're welcome! I waited tables at fine dining restaurants for 8 years so I get it.
Captain_Jokes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:24:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
someone give this man a gold star!
SpeaksYourWord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't want life to go by quickly, I only have one once :(
I want to savor it :'(
Killerbunny123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She'll be having her own dinner parties!!
black_seahorse ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:21:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Before going to attend any social event, I have to run down a mental checklist. Are kids even welcome? If so, who else is bringing their kids? Did I pack enough toys and books? Will there be a TV and DVD player available? If not, I should bring my phone charger. How late is the party going?
I'm often just better off calling the grandparents and seeing if they can watch her for the evening.
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:52:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. As a parent, this is part of the job.
StutteringDMB ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:57:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. If you choose to spawn, that's the life you made for yourself.
Not going to feel sorry for parents. Many people find their family quite rewarding, but sacrifices often need to be made to have a good one.
black_seahorse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah. Wouldn't trade it for anything.
shakeszilla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:27:57 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to your cave, breeder. You're not welcome around here until the kid can drive.
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Around where? Reddit? You mean this open Internet forum?
shakeszilla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:33 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/s
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, I was wondering if you dropped that
NEEDLE_UP_YOUR_PENIS ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, but it's true. Tip: Get a babysitter, or don't go out. The public thanks you.
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:06:11 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There are more options than those two, but thanks for the advice, non-parent.
NEEDLE_UP_YOUR_PENIS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:13:11 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pleasure.
givemethetoad ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 15:15:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I had to let him out of the closet at some point
DishRags ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:29:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Two year old would be worse.
NitsujTPU ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:23:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
On every flight I've been on this year!
NotYourLady ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:58:06 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh. I just went to an adult party with previously mentioned heavy alcohol consumption a couple nights ago and someone brought their 3 year old. He slapped one of the other guest in the face, hit me a couple times on the back, tried to rip the Mic cord out of the console/persons hand while they were singing karaoke and spilled my drink all over my phone and cards while we were playing a card game. And every guest knows the hosts aversion to children so that made it even worse.
jagershark ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh worse, there's a pregnant woman there.
And she, her unborn son, her husband, his mother, and all his men are brutally betrayed and murdered.
That, and the DJ is shit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:10:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hand
DaffyDuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just let him use your armored iPad. Problem solved.
[deleted] ยท 785 points ยท Posted at 10:17:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tofu prepared in every way. But no seasoning or sauces.
Radiatron ยท 340 points ยท Posted at 10:32:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Started off promising, ended horribly.
[deleted] ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 10:33:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that was the point.... to disappoint.
amcox93 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:54:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
what did the point ever do to you?
Haltgamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Disappoint, yes.
The goal was not to be as demonic as possible.
dripless_cactus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:13:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely. I was like "ooh tofu! a dinner party for me, a vegetarian!" but... no seasoning... not even salt? man...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. I'll have baked tofu with only salt to season (I prepare a batch to put in salads then I lazily eat it straight), but anything less is horrifying.
jsmooth7 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:50:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tofu is truly the chameleon of foods.
StutteringDMB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:52:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tofu is a space filler. It is to cuisine what those air packs are to an Amazon order.
๐๏ธ mrboombastic123 ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 10:18:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet Jesus...
nightcrawler84 ยท 376 points ยท Posted at 14:25:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
p_iynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:00 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, so the Mormon's white American Jesus.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:23:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. Haha
Turfie146 ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 13:32:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the plain rice cakes for desert.
Kittimm ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 13:56:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man I love me some plain rice cakes.
p_iynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:22 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Plain rice cakes are great when smeared with mustard.
-Something I convinced myself of when I was anorexic.
Consanguineously ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:26:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rice cakes is bad enough, there, Hitler.
Turfie146 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I was I had his self confidence and ambition.
You know you are at the lowest point of your life when beign called Hitler feels like a compliment.
Consanguineously ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, man. He had some pretty snappy uniforms.
a_wild_douchebag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:55:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
2/10
Gathorall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:30 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tastes like cardboard and is unhealthy, a completely pointless food.
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:41:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck yeah my vegan dreams have been answered!!
Fuck...
canon1200 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:45:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you I actually like bland tofu.
cdc194 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:17:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Satan?
dlxnj ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 14:25:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I believe its pronounced Seitan
paul_caspian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Get thee behind me.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 13:32:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yes my child?
cdc194 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 13:52:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to sell my soul... it may have taken some depreciation after all of the feverish masturbating in public places so... is it worth a McRib?
Boukish ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:17:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not until the commodities market turns favorable.
cdc194 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
C'mon, we both know that isn't Pork, it's tendons, ligaments, and roadkill, BUT I WANT IT!
J/K I moved to Germany about 5 months ago and the McRib is served here, I just want it free.
PATXS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, you're not the real Satan! /u/Cantoffendgirl is!
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:41:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
CMontgomeryBlerns ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:06:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Seitan. FTFY.
awwkwardapple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Some people just want to watch the world burn
felixfelix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:24:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
...and cold.
MrCool94 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:08:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cold tofu is very common
your_moms_a_clone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The blandest dinner ever.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Off topic but your username is a balsey challenge to make on the internet.
totallyknowyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:11 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tell my wife I said, hello.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Will do.
TY_BASED_GABEN ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Extra points if you start talking about being vegan and how seasoning or sauces would compromise the purity of the tofu or some shit like that, without anyone asking about it of course.
celocanth13 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:05:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, you can eat tofu and also not be vegan. Tofu is cheap and pretty great if prepared right.
TY_BASED_GABEN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I know, just saying the dinner party would be extra bad if the host did that.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:03:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is this the shit Satan jizzes to?
SchnitzelFrenzy ยท 902 points ยท Posted at 10:19:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
sobercontrol ยท 298 points ยท Posted at 10:45:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, don't sell yourself short Schnitzel
Super_Sand_Lesbian_1 ยท 249 points ยท Posted at 14:08:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Radda radda.
TheoMoneyG ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 14:21:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Radda.
SmartAlec105 ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 14:43:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rada Rada ;)
Maxaalling ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:02:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Schnitzel!
MrPokemon ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:16:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
thiscommentisboring ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:31:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Radda "radda"? Oh.
Radda radda?!
The_True_Lord_Cthulu ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:20:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I miss Chowder was the shit
SmartAlec105 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:26:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of the people behind that cartoon went on to make the current great cartoons. It's cool how so many cartoons are connected like Adventure Time, Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, and even Rick and Morty had creators that worked together on various shows before doing their own show.
DaPotatoInDaStreetz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rada
PeanutButter707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:02 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Radda Radda Radda!?
SkrublordPrime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:55:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sick reference, man.
K_cutt08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
John DiMaggio. I imagined him saying it in my head, then thought, why does Schnitzel sound suspiciously like Bender. John DiMaggio, that's why.
straydog1980 ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 11:00:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Schnitzel is delicious!
poopy_wizard132 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 11:28:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I wish someone would invite me to a schnitzel party.
MoonGas ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 12:45:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Come on down to Josef Fritzl's home made schnitzels.
ByHobgoblinLaw ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:36:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just walk down this set of stairs. Let me open the door for you.
OnlyGrayCellLeft ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:42:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And the other door and the one after that.
flamedarkfire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:35:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's a business opportunity.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:16:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
your sure about that (เฒ โฟเฒ )
bundle_of_bricks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Eww...?
metalflygon08 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 14:26:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Radda radda
OftenIncorrect ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 15:37:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
RADA RADA RADA
slayeryo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:40:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
don't call it schnitzel!
dontcallitSchnitzel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:26:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone said Schnitzel?
steeez40 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
In รsterreich, a Dinner party without Schnitzel as main course is a horrible disappointment.
solos90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:21 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If it makes you feel better, I like schnitzel :)
ProcastinatingAgain ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 11:09:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I never thought one word could possibly give me so much feels
the_incredible_hawk ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 13:12:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If that wasn't the first word you thought of when you saw this thread, I don't believe you reddit.
RaiyenZ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:47:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Check his username. He'll think of the first word later...
mbrw12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
do you even reddit brah?
Judean_peoplesfront ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:35:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If I saw a dinner party that could be summed up as a 'Schnitzel frenzy' I would not be disappointed.
theone1221 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 11:20:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
_IRL
Fadman_Loki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me too thanks.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I want to upvote you but the upvotes are at 420 and this is beautiful
Take my mental upvote
avantgardeaclue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:26:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The party don't start til I walk out.
batquux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Tony Danza?
UpsetUnicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
MEh.
Zerotan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
See... you aren't necessarily the cause of the disappointment... but you are necessarily there. Therefore this answer is correct for all dinner parties in this thread.
Not sure why people are ragging on you...
[deleted] ยท 447 points ยท Posted at 11:16:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Overcooked Steak.
Cheap, bad wine.
The only topic of conversation is politics. Everyone is a Trump supporter but you.
Enjoy.
tang81 ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 14:46:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No Huckabee or Santorum supporters? I'm ok with this.
SouthpawRage ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:50:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm still not sure how, but Trump supporters are miles better to deal with than Santorum supporters. I spent the holidays with a tableful of them a few years ago... my family is pretty conservative :-/
tang81 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:02:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on the Trump supporter. Sandtorum attracts the ultra religious right. But Trump has 2 camps. The "Fuck yeah, 'Murica!" The type that just follows into his narcissistic-"I'm the best"- anything but a politician talk. Or the camp that believes that running the U.S. govenment should be run like a corporation. Take that as you will, but I've found the second group to be more receptive to discussion.
Captain_Jokes ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:30:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
my dad falls into the 2nd camp for sure. I'd say he is pretty open to discussion but is unflappable on his opinions. My mom is a santorum and carson fan. She is unbearable if engaged in political discussion. Jesus this, jesus that, have I found Jesus yet?
sammysfw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:38:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's also the "fuck it, how could we do any worse?" camp, and their close cousins, the ones that just want to watch the world burn. Most of the Trump supporters I've met are in one of those two.
Devistator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
There would have been Carson supporters, but they fell asleep on the drive over.
King_Tool ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 14:57:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At least you can get drunk enough to laugh at the trump supporters and stomach the bad steak.
The_Ghast_Hunter ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:44:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
easy to fix. he thinks people might be getting too drunk, so he puts out off brand, flat sparkling cider.
FrostyNippleCheese ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:55:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you, I'm a functioning alcoholic.
SpeaksYourWord ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:00:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Being drunk on bad wine is physically painful.
I say we keep the bad wine.
Rodents210 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:56:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The wine has been sitting around for about 3 years after being opened at the last dinner party. It's vinegar now.
Scribbles_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's only one bottle of wine and it's half over when you arrive.
NotAStoic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:16:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The disappointing part of this scenario is that in it I'm not a Trump supporter
Jacosion ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:33:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I would just ask why they like trump over and over again. Eventually it might turn into a fight club.
shojunkayoi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Frankly, sounds fine to me. I like steak unless it's frozen or charcoal black. I haven't met a wine too cheep to drink. And I think trump supporters are hilarious even when they're distasteful.
newbzoors ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! I'll see you at the party tonight!
VaatiXIII ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is a monthly event for me. My grandparents are these people.
eric22vhs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:21:04 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sports.
Politics I'd be half interested in hearing about, regardless of their views. Sports are basically like someone talking about some excel sheet data that you don't know or care about to me. Unless they're talking about actually playing the sport, which people rarely are.
yotiemboporto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, yes, Sunday night dinner with my wife's family!
SenatorAstronomer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And your girlfriend didn't tell you it was a political fundraiser and you owe for two plates at $200 a plate.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:47 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I can still have a grand time with that, but the politics talk is going to kill the evening.
883Guy ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 14:38:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A main course that's taking way too long and winds up not being able to feed everyone. A couple that's been together too long so they start passively attacking each other in conversation, making everyone else uncomfortable. Truly awful light beer. One of the guests has hardcore diarrhoea.
The entire house is lined with lead, making it a dead zone inside. A complete stranger keeps soliciting you about your political view. Things happened, someone was murdered and you're not completely innocent so you can't leave.
pandemonium91 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 17:57:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well, this took a sharp turn into Agatha Christie territory.
quesadilla171 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:39:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like the dinner parties my friends and I throw. Plus an extra murder.
AssistantManagerMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:07:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Have you had Kirkland Signature (Costco brand) light beer? It is heinous.
glisp42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Then there were three more murders!
theniceguytroll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:32:28 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know we were talking about the Elder Scrolls.
NEEDLE_UP_YOUR_PENIS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:24 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ergh, nothing worse than that second one. My parents do that. Unclench or divorce pls.
TED4000 ยท 811 points ยท Posted at 10:07:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I wrote the invitation in comic sans.
Radiatron ยท 414 points ยท Posted at 10:31:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I wrote my menu in Papyrus. Oh lord.
TED4000 ยท 257 points ยท Posted at 10:33:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When you open it it plays annoying songs
myfeartofall ยท 172 points ยท Posted at 11:53:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/Dogsong plays in the distance
chickenoflight ยท 140 points ยท Posted at 13:49:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
*finding undertale fans on reddit
*it fills you with determination!
animar37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Where else would you find them?
chickenoflight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I go to /v/ mostly
SQUELCH_PARTY ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
>going on reddit
chickenoflight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Woah there newfriend
esmo88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tumblr, actually.
MildlyAgitatedBidoof ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 13:36:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Always nice to see fellow Undertale fans on Reddit.
Marzman315 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:46:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
There are dozens of us!!!!
Shout out to /r/Undertale.
Don't go there if you don't want spoilers because that's literally all that's posted there.
greyttast ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:17:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You did a /u/thing.
Marzman315 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I never said I was a smart guy.
phillywreck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:58:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
yeah no ones heard of undertale, such an unknown game, nice to find those diamond in the rough people who actually know about it amirite???
SonicRainboom24 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:06:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Right? What an underground game, a true hidden gem.
PM_ME_SOCCER_BALLS ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:44:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/r/undertale is leaking
Ixidane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/r/undertale bounds towards you, flecking a strange liquid from an orifice.
Sssgth ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:30:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
getttt dunked on!
AJreborn ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:40:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
(เฒฅ๏นเฒฅ)
Jigglestuck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:48 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You feel... Something.
pizzaisyummy2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:44:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You have to play a song to get into the dinner, and once you get in an annoying dog takes it all
orionsbelt05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Stop plaguing my life with incidental music!"
ou_wo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:59:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
and releases a horde of glitter
jagershark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
oh god, ten people opening the menus not quite at the same time...
and keeping them open because they actually need to read it.
Psychegotical ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 11:19:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You sent your menus on papyrus
Marine_Unknown ยท 102 points ยท Posted at 12:54:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Undyne is the cook, and the only thing on the menu is spaghetti
[deleted] ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 13:23:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
wallflower_ ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 14:08:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
havebananas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Moms spaghetti
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:21:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
NYEH HEH HEH
Bladethegreat ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:13:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Before every course you have to solve a bad puzzle
aspankdmonkey ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:28:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet, spaghetti!
mufflekid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But it's frozen.
Enjoyer_of_Cake ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:46:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I wrote the invitation in wingdings.
ChasterMief711 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
beware the man who speaks in hands!
fyrechild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Spaghetti is the only option.
masterax2000 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 11:07:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh, that sounds like a bad time...
SingultPenguin ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:49:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
getttt dunked on!
Commodorez ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:30:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You felt your sins crawling on your back...
theniceguytroll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You felt sans crawling up your back ;)
Kitteas ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 10:34:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Could be disappointing or could be amazing!
/r/indianpeoplefacebook are now at your dinner table. . Your dinner is now being narrated live with clipart on FB.
TED4000 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 10:36:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, not clip art
aaaaarg ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:22:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
How about word art?
http://imgur.com/NwlX46N. Feast in its glory:http://youtu.be/h8TlAUAu0UU?t=7m8s
havebananas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If Asif and Mudasir are at the party I'm in.
Team Asif ya'll I want to watch some wigs gettin snatched.
Kitteas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:17 on November 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But now isn't it Team Mudasif?
They're happy bros again with Asif's third new best bro that he originally destroyed his first best bro for... Beginning their tragic saga.
steddingmusic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
there will come a time where comic sans is cool again
colin23567 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:39:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It is already here.
reddit.com/r/undertale
Steve_the_Stevedore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
After such an invitation nothing would dissappoint me...
UpsetUnicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
90s Power Point graphics.
Zerotan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I hosted a party and printed a small landscape poster with the title of the party in giant comic sans:
OMGWTFBBQ
felixfelix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And posted it at the board game store, in the "Magic, the Gathering" section.
use_a_choosername1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:41 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
to try and seem "wacky" and "cool"
TED4000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:38 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Do or do not, there is no try
Noremac812 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:07 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I wrote it in windings
droidworkerbee ยท 162 points ยท Posted at 10:25:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
First course: broccoli cheese balls out of the freezer that are definitely still cold in the middle.
Second course: salad mix out of a bag that is visibly expired.
Third course: "Pate" that is actually wet cat food served with a side of a teaspoon of cinnamon.
Final course: more of the broccoli cheese balls, this time boiling hot, because I forgot to get dessert.
[deleted] ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 16:45:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Some of these are so exact, that I'm convinced that you recently hosted a dinner party and this is exactly how it went down.
dannyr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:27:44 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rolled in cinnamon sugar to give them the sweet kick
EbolaNinja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
These actually sound really good.
droidworkerbee ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:06:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The one time I ate them I threw up later that night. I mean, I drank a lot, but those didn't help.
rbGriphon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I am now convinced you have read "A Series of Unfortunate Events." Or you might be Count Olaf (in disguise, of course.)
[deleted] ยท 364 points ยท Posted at 10:08:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well ummmm I kinda forgot a few things...... I forgot to buy a house for a start, so we're kinda going to have to eat off the street.
FetchFrosh ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 10:54:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Does this mean we can cook over a nice trash can fire?
[deleted] ยท 125 points ยท Posted at 10:56:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
ahhh.... kinda forgot to buy a trash can as well..... sorry
FetchFrosh ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 10:58:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh. How disappointing.
Canadian_SNIFFLER ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 12:44:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry, I'll just make one of my patented driveway cakes.
XxsquirrelxX ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 14:05:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I love how well you garnish the mud cake with leaves and old car oil.
justabrownperson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:42:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He also forgot to buy a driveway
fromundathebridge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:07:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't give them hope
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:28:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The smoke goes up into the sky and becomes stars. It's a win-win
Helms_Slave ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:02:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds wrong but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it
AssistantManagerMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:04:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Here's a hint: they're not made from hobo fires.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:42:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Get a nice smokey smell going around up here.
Oblivious_Oathkeeper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:22:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but the trash can is plastic and is releasing toxic fumes all over your food. Also, the trash can was full of little baggies of dog poop from neighbors dumping them in as they walk by.
JazzFan419 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:34:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Screw hickory, nothing beats the taste of meat smoked over a tire fire.
Haltgamer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:48:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This just means it's a short-term camping trip
Diabetesh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:13:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.
raybradbruh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:04:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta stay one jump ahead of the lawmen.
Gibboni5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:18:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ok you definately win Fuck!
TTHtv ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Kevin?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's my dad!
DeathHaze420 ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 12:58:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Mongolian throat singing to the tune of Justin Bieber songs.
Oh wait. You said dissapointing
Writer_ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:20:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds awesome as fuck. Why hasn't someone done that yet?
long_wang_big_balls ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 16:31:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I did this on national television. On 'come dine with me' I threw the shittiest dinner party ever, and came last.
marinewannabee97 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:20:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Please provide a link op. pleeeeeeese
long_wang_big_balls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:47:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's still knocking about somewhere, I did turkey twizzlers, chips cheese and gravy and spotted dick XD it was the 'Basildon Special'
partthethird ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's literally the only episode on the website to not have a play button. What did you do?!
long_wang_big_balls ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:29:55 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, it was certainly a.... 'unique' episode. Put it that way ;)
ratman99uk ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:41:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is this online for all to see?
long_wang_big_balls ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:47:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I believe so, it's the 'Basildon Special'. It used to be on 4OD or something similar.
hyperfat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:20:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There are a few articles
DONT_UPVOTE_PM_ME ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:20:17 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
deliver
beardface84 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:14:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I really hope you're the guy that made 'Fantasy Island' or whatever that abomination was called. Absolutely hilarious.
long_wang_big_balls ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:47:20 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chips, cheese and gravy but called it 'Fromage and frites, with a beef jus' - it was fantastically shitty
beardface84 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:25:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds delicious though! Mind you, I'm from up North so eating that sort of stuff is normal to me haha
beardface84 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:29:42 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/come-dine-with-me/on-demand/51381-006
http://www.locatetv.com/tv/come-dine-with-me/season-18/7560456
Those are links to the abomination I was talking about. Totally amazing. I'd love to see your episode too!
FlashbackTherapy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:58:51 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I loved that show. The British version with the unbelievably sarcastic narrator was brilliant.
long_wang_big_balls ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:46:29 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I did 'chips cheese and gravy' but gave it a fancy name so everyone expected something more up market (I called it 'fromage and frites with a beef jus')
FlashbackTherapy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:34 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant.
Twoisnoe ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 14:48:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
You can expect to see THIS FABULOUS ITEM But wait, there's more! Slide the top apart, and it has THESE beneath! BUT WHAT DOES IT DO? Why, it keeps the food warm, beside the cough banquet table, until you are ready to serve it.
My late Nana had one, she used to use it when dishing up for special guests. Why make a mess of just pots, pans, and dishes, when you can add to the aftermath! Keep your peas and carrots lukewarm in this awesome late 70's/early 80's Faux wood-paneling throwback, just perfect for the kind of person who cannot bear to see things like a humble milk bottle or margarine container on the table, because it's NOT THE DONE THING.
And therefore, the Trolley Hostess Bain Marie, Philips Electric Food Warmer is the star of the evening. I will talk about it incessantly, praising every feature, whilst mentioning that in 2013, according to the Daily Mail, it was making a bit of a comeback! - Or as my Nana (bless her would-be elitist heart) liked to call it, the Maitre d'! - seriously, I thought that was the name of the damn thing. I've spent ages trying to find an image of what it actually was, for this world's most
awesomedisappointing dinner party.It'll probably be an okay party at the end though. Because in keeping with my Grandfather's preference for not spending too lavishly (and I love him as well, and miss him!), for the wine, we'd have a generic red 'something', poured straight from the foil lined box, and we'd drink and drink and drink until everything was wonderful again. Did I mention the fake wooden veneer? :D
P.S. I know what you're thinking. "I TOTALLY need one of those, for We-totally-cooked-too-much-Turkey Day/Christmas-The-Aftermath eating (I don't come from America, but you can tell me all about it!) And if you're from the UK, why, you're simply not equipped for a proper dinner party without it. So come to mine. I won't shut up about it. It'll be amazing. Luke warm food! Veneer!
-edited, to break that lot up into paragraphs a bit. I told you I wouldn't shut up! :D
The_Unreal ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:10:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad you were able to get that out of your system.
Twoisnoe ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:23:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But I've only just begun..! Come. Let me continue to honour the dreadful dinner party. I shall put a little Julio Iglesias on the record player, and proceed to take exceptionally poor flash photography where the picture will ultimately show just your head at the bottom of the picture, or else crop the top of your head clean off. For the quaintly modern, we will scan these, and put them on - what is it? the Facebook? Also, I will chase you around the room with drink coasters. Because you might possibly put your drink down on some precious wooden furniture and leave a ring mark. And that would be terrible. Admire this fine print of "A boy at a writing desk" on the wall - it is a print by Renoir. Mmm. Yes.
( It is not so much out of my system, rather, it is a degradation of a true history of chaos from a certain time in my life, called "Living with my Grandparents". ;) )
animar37 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:43:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to hear you praise this thing while getting more and more drunk.
Twoisnoe ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:16:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I would too! Where's the port? :D (Also, if I had access to the best quality LSD - that would be - well. I'd either become terrified of the thing, or be drawn hypnotically towards the veneer. Or find the deeper meaning behind a mixed bowl of peas and julienned carrots.)
Incidentally - Julienned or chopped-into-circles? WHAT is the most appealing presentation of the carrot form, within the steamy depths of the glass holders of this edifice? I'm thinking that the contrast between the roundness of the pea, and perfectly sliced sticks of carrot would be the best.
The delight of the Trolley Hostess, is surely its ability to withhold the magnificence of the gustatorial spread from one's vision until all is ready, then voila! The hallowed top covers are slid apart with music not dissimilar to Also Sprach Zarathustra - ideally performed by this wonderful group - although in deference to my Nana, perhaps Begin the Beguine, by dear Julio. Or Ravel's Bolero. Yes, maybe that.
scruffys_on_break ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah! OP said veneer again! ๐ท๐ท๐ท
violetxrain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:09:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The wine, even if it's mediocre, makes everything A-OK.
scruffys_on_break ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:10 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
VENEER! (takes one drink)
fishgottaswim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:24:45 on November 16, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This was my favorite response of the thread. You are a fantastic storyteller. ๐ธ
Twoisnoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:41:30 on November 16, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
In honour of your kindness, I present you with this fine avocado-and-prawn cocktail, nestled in a lettuce leaf, in what I think must be some variant on a margarita glass. (Thankyou for making my day! :D )
Ugly_Painter ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 14:24:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We have shrimp. When you peel them you find a small note reminding you of your crushing student loan debt.
matty_dubs ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:41:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's like a fortune cookie! Only... worse.
Soul_Rage ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 10:25:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A dry fruitcake. The worst cake.
๐๏ธ mrboombastic123 ยท 128 points ยท Posted at 10:32:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I attended a wedding once with a delicious looking cake that turned out to be fruit cake. I don't talk to that couple anymore.
gypsydreams101 ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 11:19:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Homophobe!
sheikheddy ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 14:09:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Homophone!
chloethecomputernerd ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:24:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Homophode!
Samdpsois ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 15:08:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
MONORAIL!
Soul_Rage ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 15:11:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
JUMANJI!
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:36:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
JOHN CENA!
Alonminatti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT!
ThIs SuNdAy NiGhT!
I1TheInternet ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:53:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At the WWE SUUUUUUPPPPPPEEEEEERRRRRRR SSSSLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ๐บ๐บ๐บ๐บ
Ixidane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:31 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
IN A SLOPPY WET MAKEOUT MATCH!
satansfloorbuffer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
MICHAEL CERA!
Doomsday_Device ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
I edit my archived comments *tips fedora*
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I heard it really put North Haverbrook on the map
Sandlight ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:25:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Homophope!
PATXS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:38:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Homo-Sapien!
SenTedStevens ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 13:38:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Even worse: They were serving you the fruitcake you gave them.
evylllint ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:53:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well then that's your own damn fault, isn't it?
SenTedStevens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Mutually Assured Digestion.
Spellchamp_Roamer ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:49:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only person in the world who LOVES dry fruitcake? It's so perfect! Raisins and cake!
Turfie146 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:34:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nice hot cup of tea. Dunk the fruitcake in to soften and warm it. Fucking lovely.
919rider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Good fruit cake is fucking delicious.
Bad fruit cake is absolutely atrocious.
I get why people dislike it when they've only ever had the crap stuff.
epnerc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:31:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
yes.
Hysterymystery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fruitcake is the bomb
theshoegazer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My parents just got their wedding cake top out of the freezer after 50 years. Apparently in the 60s, fruitcake as wedding cake was very common.
Bigetto ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:51:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fruit: Good
Cake: Great
Fruitcake: Nasty crap
~ Jim Gaffigan
Teledildonic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fixed that for you.
MisterDonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fruitcake shouldn't even qualify as cake.
[deleted] ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 11:05:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
LittleBigKid2000 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 13:09:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Alive and wearing a gimp suit thing
notpetelambert ยท 125 points ยท Posted at 13:53:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And he's fucking texting at the dinner table.
XxsquirrelxX ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 14:07:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
God damn, that guy has no manners.
notpetelambert ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:11:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At least he follows orders.
violetxrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:18 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This wouldn't be a problem for everyone.
PeanutButter707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And this is disappointing how?
jrrthompson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:32:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
TacoPower ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
An Apple-Todd-Over
blackthunder365 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP said disappointing, not pleasantly surprising.
Urgullibl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Meatloaf?
smartest_kobold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:33 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Idgi, is he overcooked or something?
Trixsterxx ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 13:16:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Styrofoam plates every time a untensil scratches the surface screams erupt
MisterDonkey ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:48:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well done steak served on styrofoam or paper plates, pre-slathered with generic ketchup to soften it up. Sawing through the dry grey slab with flimsy plastic utensils is like trying to cut bricks with a butter knife. Tall glass of milk to wash it down, served in a greasy plastic cup that has somehow survived since the 1980's.
If you don't like well done steak, they've got dangerously undercooked chicken. Still cold inside. Also slathered with ketchup.
By the time you're finished choking down your gourmet meal, there's nothing left of the plate. You ate it, but didn't notice.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:21:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
With plastic silverware that breaks.
Scp-1404 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like a room in Hell.
Kudhos ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:58:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's everything you can possibly imagine but you're only allowed to take 1 thing.
spoonybard326 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:05:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I am imagining 50 pound gold ingots.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:39:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I'll just have one of the 12 acre estates in new Zealand.
Ixidane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:03 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I am imagining plates and plates of well cooked and crispy bacon. I will take lots of that one thing.
origiins ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 14:16:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Appetiser: bacon potato skins with the bacon eaten off, the one that has bacon on it is burnt like Darth Vader
Main: Steak, well done
Dessert: Rice pudding
Wine: no brand wine made with kiwis and aged for 2 days
Entertainment: Star Wars Revenge of the Sith
austinisme247 ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 16:00:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't you dare diss rice pudding!
p_iynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:55 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You have to admit--it's not for everyone. And it shouldn't be served as though it were.
origiins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rice pudding is the pudding of grandma's with no teeth
randomn00dz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And which of the puddings require teeth?
origiins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:44 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All bar rice pudding
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:22:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Revenge of the Sith is the best prequel though
americangame ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:39:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Trade out episode 3 with episode 2. You have a bad move with a bad jumping on point and a cliffhanger ending.
John_Fx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:04:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well done steaks and. burned bacon are awesome!
TundieRice ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:21:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I like ricey pudding. :(
GunNNife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well done steak? You son of a bitch.
origiins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm devious, I know.
SonicRainboom24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The best movie of the prequels?
Needs more Jar Jar.
Shrinky-Dinks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Now this is pod racing!
Pie_Hoodlum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:05:33 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Steak well done: you fucking monster
tradingten ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 10:46:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Raw chicken and burned salad
LittleBigKid2000 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 13:11:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
How do you even burn a salad
meatsack70 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:02:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You clearly aren't trying hard enough if you can't.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Magic
Urgullibl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:43:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
With fire.
Crazylittleloon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:45:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Be my maternal aunt.
lisasimpsonfan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:35 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You have never had wilted spinach salad before? You make this warm bacon dressing that is to die for. Literally because you use the bacon fat to make it and then put the bacon in the salad. Your cholesterol goes up 15 points just by being in the same room with it but OMG it's good.
TheRatDaddy ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 14:50:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The music plays, the drinks sit on the table, the jaunty decorations sit awesomely on their walls and the glow of everyone's phones perfectly illuminate their faces as they sit in impassive silence, tapping or swiping now and then.
qwertygirl__ ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:38:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Two guests spot each other on Tinder, one swipes left, one swipes right. The hopeful one looks up expectantly across the table and is met with studied indifference.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:15:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
aaawwww :(
Scp-1404 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:03:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sort of a cell phone LAN party, then?
inductiononN ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:47:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is the nightmare that we are all currently living.
DaffyDuck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:26:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds relaxing at least.
NEEDLE_UP_YOUR_PENIS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:41 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
God, that annoys me no end. I went to a concert with a couple of friends last week. One of them was texting her boyfriend throughout, the other was taking and posting photos to the Facebook. Just enjoy the fucking moment, dipfarts.
Gemuese11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:30:15 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
hey, at least they dont judge others way of enjoying something
NEEDLE_UP_YOUR_PENIS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:30 on November 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry, texting throughout isn't 'doing' the thing you've come to do. My phone never comes out at social occasions.
Gemuese11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:26:18 on November 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I was more referring to taking pictures.
Texting would imply that he/she really wasn't interested or maybe disappointed. Or maybe they got dragged along and really just don't care. Or a myriad of other reasons so what?
NEEDLE_UP_YOUR_PENIS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:54 on November 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
They invited me to it. Texting during an event like that is just rude.
Jinnuu ยท 102 points ยท Posted at 10:27:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Vegan chicken nuggets with Hunts brand ketchup.
Chriso380 ยท 140 points ยท Posted at 13:55:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is a dinner party, not Guantanamo Bay.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:10:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But Hunt's is pretty good. No HFCS.
CapitalismBot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:14:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tastes like tomatoes instead of red lollypops.
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:44:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As a vegan I'm going through this thread and I see more things I'd be happy about haha
AchtungKarate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:04:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
More food for us!
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:11:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if fellow vegan excited about food or joke about not eating meat lol
AchtungKarate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:58:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, fellow vegan.
everyonecallsmekev ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 10:55:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You are a fucking savage
TYoYT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:16:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But some vegan chicken nuggets are good...
Helms_Slave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Id be ok with that. Hopefully there are the spicy buffalo kind
alldayerrdaym8 ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 19:02:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
reach apartment, knock on the door "It's open, Jesus.." walk into apartment, hallway's not lit, there are 3 guys sitting on the couch. The host is on his phone checking Instagram and the other two are sleeping. You attempt a "hey man" but a person comes out of the bathroom next to you and shoves you before you can finish your "man" "MOVE! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING STANDING OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM?" The person who shoved you is a short 14 year old Vietnamese kid with a bowl cut "So uh, got anything to drink?" host ignores you "Yo, anything to drink?" "There's a gas station 3 blocks away, go get a sprite or something. Sorry I'm not an soft drink station.." You turn around and notice an alpaca on the balcony "What's with the.. Um.. What's with the alpaca?" host rises from his seat and throws an ashtray at you "WHATS WITH THE FUCKING QUESTIONS? YOU A COP OR SOMETHING?" you dodge the ashtray but it smashes the Vietnamese kid's face open. He's now on the floor shouting "BUUUUUU BUUUUUUU" "Look man I just want like a beer or something.." "BEER?? YOU MEAN THE DEVIL'S NECTAR?" *the two sleeping guys awaken and start screeching. You bolt towards the door and try to open it. There's a passcode lock on the door. "4168! It's 4168!" you hear coming from the balcony. The alpaca appears to be aiding your departure. "QUIET, ZANZIBAR! THATS ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!" you punch in 4168 and it works. You sprint out of there, the screeches fading away with every step
Thank you alpaca. Thank you.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:42:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What?
alldayerrdaym8 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:51:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Zanzibar saved my life. I owe him.
Zoo_Snooze ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:04:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I love that as i scroll down this thread the responses just get more and more surreal, instead of dropping in quality.
lovelycosmos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:21:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is the quality content I want to see
Seraphim_kid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your missing a spork
Doomsday_Device ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:17:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
I edit my archived comments *tips fedora*
Seraphim_kid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:41 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the point was to disappoint people
Lordvulunius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Solid KOTOR reference, bruh.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
alldayerrdaym8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:54:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Neither could my host apparently..
lukeyf88 ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 13:30:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Token racist and/or nationalist complaining about immigrants taking our jobs.
Mackem101 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 14:36:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly off topic, at work the other day someone was complaining about eastern Europeans taking British jobs, tge kicker, this bloke wss born in DR Congo, raised in Belgium and now works in a factory in north east England.
I was truly speechless.
Alonminatti ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:17:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's some grade A garbage humanity right there.
returntostepford ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:10:04 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This was our family's Thanksgiving dinner this year, thanks to some new friends my aunt invited. At one point, between racist complaining, one of the guests said "I don't know why no one says The Lord's Prayer in school any more!".
Not enough wine in the world.
lukeyf88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:24:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I feel your pain here, keep it topped up in future!
Prof_Boni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, Thanksgiving dinner? My birthday is usually around that week. Did I miss it? Was I asleep?
returntostepford ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian Thanksgiving. Last month. You're still good, Birthday Person.
Prof_Boni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:55 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! TIL Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving. I seriously thought it was an american thing, cause that's the only reference I have of this holiday.
Devistator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So a Trump rally.
lukeyf88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:24:47 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is this some kind of motor sport involving farting?
scimscam ยท 220 points ยท Posted at 11:04:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Hamburgers, hot dogs, chocolate cake and donuts.
It's all vegetarian and gluten free.
Edit: I'm sorry everyone. If I was the host of this table, I'd commit Seppuku.
notpetelambert ยท 155 points ยท Posted at 13:52:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My mom has celiac disease and my girlfriend is a vegetarian. I am neither, but I can confirm that veggie burgers and gluten free pastries are the fucking bomb if you know what brands to buy.
Someotherrandomtree ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 14:34:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What would you reccommend?
notpetelambert ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 14:46:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Udi's brand bread and bagels and things like that, usually pretty great. Van's frozen waffles. Tapioca flour. Bob's Red Mill baking mixes, lots of different kinds, I don't remember exactly what my mom uses. Essentially, learn to bake and you'll be fine.
For vegetarians- buy Morningstar frozen veggie burgers, put them in the garbage where they belong. Buy refrigerated veggie burgers instead. Get Lightlife, Gardein, Gardenburger, Qrunch. I like to make my own black bean burger patties, those will almost always be better than packaged. If you want hot dogs or sausages, Tofurkey or Lightlife are good, but Field Roast are amazing. And you can grill tofu if you're careful, I make that a lot during the summer. Cut it in strips and marinate it overnight in something strong-flavored, like sriracha, ponzu, or some kind of chili sauce. Throw foil on the grill so it doesn't fall through, cooking spray it, and put the strips on. I like to put something sugary (usually honey or bbq sauce) in my tofu marinade so it carmelizes a little. People will fall over each other to get the last pieces.
Oh, and put some goddamn condiments on your burgers. My little brother complains that veggie burgers have no flavor, meanwhile I'm eating one stacked with monterey jack, lettuce, cucumbers, and blobs of salsa. Would you order big macs with no condiments? They taste like trash.
Whoops I got angry about no-condiments people.
adcas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:13:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I choked on my Gardein chicken reading the Morningstar bit. Seriously, Morningstar is what makes vegetarians go back to eating meat. It has no business calling itself food.
My sister once found a rock in one of their mushroom burgers, and by "found" I mean it shattered one of her fucking teeth. They sent her enough money to get her mouth fixed, a $25 coupon and a recipe book.
notpetelambert ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rocks are good for digestion. Just ask a dinosaur.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only morningstar thing I'll eat is their corn dogs, but that's because I haven't found any other veggie corn dogs.
adcas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've found myself pretty good at making my own- you can usually buy your own sticks, but honestly it's the cornbread that makes it. Yves tofu dogs + cornbread = HELL YES
shmeebz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:11 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bet that coupon made great fire starter.
adcas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She used it, then donated the food to our local food pantry. =)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Recipe for black bean burger patties?
p_iynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:11 on November 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OMG UDI'S IS THE SHIT.
I would still eat those blueberry muffins over normal ones any day, if they weren't so goddamn expensive.
But yeah, eating gluten free really wasn't that terrible the last time I tried. I think we figured out that my stomach and autoimmune problems were due to something else because after a year off gluten I kept getting worse. But my doctor suggested it, so I originally figured "why not? I'd give up wheat pasta to not be exhausted and in pain all the time."
Sildas ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Veggie burgers are great, they're just like mediocre quality mass produced burgers cooked by a sixteen year old with almost no training" isn't exactly a ringing endorsement of a product. A good burger doesn't need to be drowned in condiments, because you can mask a lot of terrible cooking in condiments.
ExpensiveNut ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:25:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If nothing else, you'd at least season the damn thing while you're cooking it, even if you're cheating by squirting sauce into it or something.
Alonminatti ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:17:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At the same time a tremendous burger can be brought to god-status with properly curated condimentary options, if you will.
notpetelambert ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I live in a semi-rural, economically depressed town. The untrained guy making my burgers is probably about 45.
the_nidificator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't. Bake that shit yourself.
Urgullibl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not eating veggie burgers and gluten free pastries.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 15:34:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
beef and wheat.
Neskuaxa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:57:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, gluten free stuff is only bad if you don't get the right brands. There are a ton of brands, but only a few great ones.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:15:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. The "veggie burgers" that are trying to look and taste like meat are god awful but the ones that are made from vegetables are really good.
MrDrPatrick2U ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
How are they with rice?
notpetelambert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rice flour and rice-based stuff is pretty easy if you're celiac, I always thought it was kind of flavorless though. Brown rice is better.
MrDrPatrick2U ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Its definitely a great side dish
JazzFan419 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
no.....no they're not.
notpetelambert ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:48:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Instructions unclear, this guy bought the wrong brands.
Oswald_the_tuba ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:13:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Instructions nuclear, started world war III.
notpetelambert ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:29:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Instructions uncle, now my sister is pregnant
Light_of_Avalon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He's just fooling himself to survive that hell. Just let him be. Don't be disappointed just pity him
Goblin_Cat ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 11:26:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, just the comment disappointed me.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:18:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You are the disappointing part of this party.
mananlak ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:51:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That was a fucking emotional roller coaster, but ended in a wreckage :(
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:10:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your American citizenship has been revoked
AchtungKarate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:03:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, thanks!
CooperArt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:09:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't had a donut in years due to being gluten-free. Can I come? I miss donuts. A lot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Morningstar actually makes some decent fake burgers. (Not the ones with chunks of vegetables. Those are fucking disgusting. I'm talking about the classic grillers or whatever they call them.) But I'll agree with you on the fake hot dogs. Those things are just messed up. The texture, the taste, and the smell are all just wrong.
eric22vhs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:57 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chocolate cake is pretty close to vegetarian, it just has egg in it.
You're probably thinking of vegan.
Either way, I could easily fill up on vegan chocolate cake. It's not easy to tell the difference between stuff like vegan brownies or cookies and nonvegan ones. The hamburgers I'd be bummed about, but the hot dogs, I'd actually be willing to eat because they aren't real hot dogs.
AnxietyAttack2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, as long as it doesn't have dairy or eggs or anything that's fine by me.
Fuck....
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, you gotta get yourself some quality gluten free baked goods. I still prefer the real stuff, but flourless chocolate cake is the bomb if it's made right
LittleBigKid2000 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 13:08:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No, vegan. That would be even worse.
Jedinak8413 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:14:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My family
Urgullibl ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:26:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
First we have an East German course. You can order, then we'll wait for two hours, and in the end you won't get anything.
Then we have a Soviet course. You can't even order.
For dessert, we'll have North Korean. You can order, and then the waiter shoots you.
augenwiehimmel ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 10:17:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. No dinner, no drinks, no furniture.
gsfgf ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:28:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No people. You're just looked in a windowless room until 1am
Moltk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:35 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP makes millions as an existential artist for his commentary on social entertainment
SpeaksYourWord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
In fact, answer the door in your undies and make them think they got the wrong date.
fdsdfg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We had one couple no-show for a party, and the next day at 7pm they showed up nicely dressed while we were in pajamas watching a movie. It was awkward to tell them to go home.
SpeaksYourWord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's their fault for not having attention to detail; I would have even laughed in their faces.
But, then, the friends I have usually have a good sense of humor with things of that nature. :)
auriumius ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 13:37:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
..how is this not top comment?
HacksawJimDGN ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 11:01:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Awkward silences.
Lots of prolonged awkward silences......
.......
....
.............
HacksawJimDGN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
............
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:00:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The house is done up nicely, soft music in the background. The little dog won't stop barking. The cats keep gently pawing at you when you try to eat. There's not enough chairs for everyone, so some must stand, but what chairs there are, are folding and uncomfortable, and small-even to the small framed people.
The food is unfortunate. Warm oysters on the half shell. A vegan cheese and meat plate. Mashed turnips and cauliflower made to be like mashed potatoes but no one knows that and there's no butter or salt in there. A roast that's overdone and was secretly marinated in Carolina Reaper chili extract. There's a fruit plate, but it was left too far in the back of the fridge so its all half frozen and a little gross.
1nsaneMfB ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:08:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
After your initial knock, I open the door with a warm smile and a greeting while I let you inside. The moment you entered the house a bacon and roast beef smell lightly caresses the inside of your nose.
I lead you to the dining room which is almost full, with a few seats left. You don't know anyone, but everyone is friendly and chatty.
I enter the dining room with a silver platter and a fancy silver cover. Upon opening it, you will find those $1 pack of sandwich ham that not even your cat would eat. That bacon & roast beef smell was a lie. Those are just scented candles.
After placing the tray, I go to fetch us all a drink. I return with a tray full of glasses of wine and cheese. Only this is hobo-bag wine and that processed cheese in the bargain bin at k-mart.
After barely keeping down the wine& cheese combo, I return with desert. It's a delicious chocolate pudding, with cream!
Only its that packet of powder you mix with milk that also costs like $1. I used milk that almost went off, so you can just taste something's up. The whipped cream was also the cheapest can of whipped cream the store had.
After that we finish with a game of pictionary where everyone's pens are almost dry and struggle to draw anything.
After the party ended I handed everyone an invoice for all the costs involved as well as my hourly rate for hosting the party and cleanup costs.
Also you step in dog shit on your way to your car.
Have a nice night!
pikachubitch ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 12:01:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
jerry gurgich
kskinne ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 14:31:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But, he and his wife throw awesome parties!
notpetelambert ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:54:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You mean larry?
nebrakaneizzar ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:26:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
terry?
notpetelambert ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:33:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Torple? What? I don't know.
ardie_ziff ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:27:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dammit Terry!
Barghest301 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:58:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit Larry.
Pherllerp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:12:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, not Jerry!
BananApocalypse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Gary?
[deleted] ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 10:21:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
captivatingbanshee ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 11:07:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I enjoy Sunny D every once in a while.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 11:45:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Brodoof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Satan!
[deleted] ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 15:18:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're trying too hard. The secret to a bad party is the subtle inconveniences and nuances.
extremenapping ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:35:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lost me at Fergie.
CAAD9 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 14:48:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I get the lame pop icon imagine she portrays, but Fergie is genuinely down to earth and chill as hell in person, away from cameras when she can be a real human being.
extremenapping ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
I can not contest your statement seeing as I have never met her. Her image just bugs me.
From personal experience away from media Alec Baldwin can be a mildly stable, nice person. So I can believe it.
Edit: typo
pandemonium91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And her collaborations with Slash are awesome, too.
Dardz ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 10:41:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Some people think this is gross. But I think it's beautiful.
heisyounghewillwalk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:28:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
M E T A
A
T
E
Caleb-Rentpayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Enough.
Dardz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
never.
HonorInDefeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I missed this one, can someone fill me in?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:21:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
HonorInDefeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's funny. Have they already beat the joke into the ground or are we still working on it?
Dardz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly do not know
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:32:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Please add this to the end of your post: "-in-law"
Bittah_Criminal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:49:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like a dinner party at Charlie Kelly's house
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:10:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Some people just wanna watch the world burn
TheTallestHobo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:32:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing wrong with a bottle of blue nun.
RRautamaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy this CD.
zcbtjwj ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Worth it for the conversation
kaelan_gibson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That isn't vanilla ice cream, thats frozen ___________! Let's play a version of CAH.
TundieRice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
in a urine reduction
please, somebody find my sides.
Cleverly_Clearly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So, a Deathday party?
Brodoof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hitler? He would be a bucket of ashes. That wouldn't be bad. From what you made this party sound like he would be the host though.
Aridzona ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:57:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
An expired TV dinner for one.
realmonsters712 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:35:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Claptrap and 5 pizzas
TacoPower ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
High five?
realmonsters712 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You've earned it!
[deleted] ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 11:09:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pineapple pizza for everyone. Oh and country music to go along with it.
punsrpunny ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 12:13:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm ok with this
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 12:48:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
6/10, might recommend
heartbroken_bopper ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 13:22:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
2/10 with rice.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:59:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your suggestion
alltoocliche ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:59:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Minus the country music.
SpeaksYourWord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry, I can't be okay with you.
Enemies? <3
punsrpunny ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:51:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Of course my friend. ๐
SpeaksYourWord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Years later when we're telling our minions about how we first became mortal enemies, going to show them a frames picture of this conversation. โค๏ธ๐๐
punsrpunny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:58:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ewwwww minions. I prefer servants.
Illogical_Blox ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 13:52:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I love both.
The_Ghast_Hunter ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:48:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
the pineapple pizza is why i would arrive, and i'm neutral to country.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:36:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
r/knightsofpineapple
UpsetUnicorn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Unsweetened Koolaid to wash it down.
umphreys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:16:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I would be okay with this. and I don't even like most country music.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:12:18 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'll suffer through the music if it means I get pineapple pizza. Heck, some country music isn't even that bad. It's the ones where they're basically singing pop songs with a heavy, fake sounding twang that make me want to stab my ears.
ANUSTART942 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm okay with the pizza, pineapple adds a certain twang to it.
But I draw the line at country music, I like my music twang free.
Jacosion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That really depends on what country music you are talking about.
quesadilla171 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Love pineapple pizza, contemplate murder when listening to country. 10/10 would definitely attend
PMmeforsocialANXhelp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus christ, he said dinner party, not hell.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:38:23 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome! I'll bring some beer!
Narwal_Bacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This makes me sad
Nasa1225 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:58 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hot Pineapple is a sin. You have exceeded expectations for making this party disappointing without being necessarily insufferable or gross.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:07:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Those who enjoy pineapple pizza should not be allowed to procreate. They are weak, their offspring will be weak. They shan't survive the winter
breauxbreaux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:01:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I used to seriously hate Hawaiian style pizza but for some reason now I love it.
moneymet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Please throw pineapple on my children's graves.
Adnerp ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:34:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Do not forget the mayonnaise. One cannot have pineapple pizza without mayonnaise.
ziltoid101 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 10:43:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
For dessert, raisin cookies.
ericstern ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:12:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Why do they even exist... Probably as passive aggressive gifts to people you hate...
kskinne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
annnnd now I know what I am getting a few people for Christmas!
Muahhaha
americangame ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:38:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But they look like chocolate chip. You don't know this until you take a bite.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This was my answer!
withinherskin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm okay with this, as long as they're served with coffee brewed from your finest bean!
ziltoid101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:26 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Make it perfect!
thestickytrenchcoat ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 11:03:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the utensils and plates are on the table, and the food looks amazing, but it tastes mediocre.
29100610478021 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:28:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well fuck you Gordon Ramsay
HacksawJimDGN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That is so disappointing.
Kellianne ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:31:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The person on your right has an ipad full of baby pictures of their most precious treasure. An uncomfortable chair that gives you a wedgie and all the women from The View.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, family parties. I never understood why my family room it as some sort of rule that they must always be obnoxiously boring.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:40:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The address you give everyone isn't actually your home but the nearest McDonalds. You paid the staff to play a CD you burned that is a constant loop of Seth Rogens laugh. You can't pay for everyone's meal but you do have two coupons for a small fries.
livingpunchbag ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 12:03:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The main dish is your pet.
slvrbullet87 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:27:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dresden has been biting me for a year now... time for me to get some sweet revenge.
MisterDonkey ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:20:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
They said disappointing, not horrifying.
CappuccinoBoy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:45:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not Fluffy :c
animar37 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's definitely the worst thing in this thread I've read so far.
Scp-1404 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:12:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Edward Kendall Sheridan Lionheart, is that you?
livingpunchbag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad I don't have such weird name!
Turfie146 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:35:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to North Korea.
michelle032499 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:42:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Aspic
๐๏ธ mrboombastic123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:47:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa how the fuck is that something people eat?! Really wish I hadn't googled that...
michelle032499 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:48:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What's really bad is when you're 10 and you think it's a jello mold. Brutal.
pandemonium91 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This type of aspic is absolutely delicious tho.
newsagg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
There was a post in /r/food recently of a dinner party with Aspic
Here it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/food/comments/3s0bi8/hosted_a_charcuterie_party_at_our_farm_last_night/
lisasimpsonfan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
calf's foot jelly...gag
rbGriphon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I am disappointed your upvote score is so low. You truly won this thread.
LilSebastian4Prez ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:23:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Actual cannibal Shia Lebouf
StrikeFromOrbit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:25:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Normal Tuesday night for Shia Lebouf.
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:20:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Steamed hams
DrInsano ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:28:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you call them "steamed hams" when they've obviously been grilled?
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Something something aurora borealis
BaconSheikh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:57 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Seymour! The house is on fire!
daniel7001 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:21:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just me.
rhadamanth_nemes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:25:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Reading through these is actually pretty stressful. I'm out.
๐๏ธ mrboombastic123 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:30:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've been laughing my ass off all day, but yeah, stressful also.
The_Happiest_Bear ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:51:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me. And a single balloon.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I can't figure out why this made me so sad.
Crumps_brother ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:21:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A woman in her late 30s, who finally found a great guy and is pregnant after years of trying, has a miscarriage before dinner is served.
PeanutButter707 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:38:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At least you don't have to deal with the future baby pictures?
Kimitche ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:45:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You thought they had those fancy butter cookies, but when you open the tin it's sewing materials
General-Lilac ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:41:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A single, hard-boiled egg (de-shelled) on a plate.
9volts ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:27:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
To be eaten with a plastic spoon.
General-Lilac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:49:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Indeed!
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:09:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'll try to rope you into investing in my girlfriend's candle business "Serenity by Jan."
BRONXSBURNING ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:35:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Adam Sandler doing standup
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:05:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I was in my early teen years our minister held a dinner party where the main course was "chilli beans" which were undercooked kidney beans and served little else.
I proceeded to get in a very loud and heated political argument with the host over something and another.
His young child wandered in with one hand in his underwear scratching away. It looked like he was playing with himself.
The guy was very fond of his homebrewed beer which was served alongside the beans. I was allowed a small glass which was so bad it put me off of beer for a long time.
It got so bad that the rest of the guests fled the table and retreated to the living room as the host and I argued away.
Finally, the undercooked beans made everyone extremely flatulent.
Great party.
I would be hard pressed to come up with anything much worse than that.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:47:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The beans were intentionally undercooked. They were chilly beans. And everything else was his punishment because you didn't get his hilarious pun.
undressfloors ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:34:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"so yeah, I accidently burned the wine. Sorry guys."
Jenny_from_the_Block ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:46:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your friend monica trying to start a boggle tournament
ImmediateSupression ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:55:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think I've been to this one.
Myself and a friend of mine (we will call him Mike because that is his name) had just returned from two different overseas trips when a third friend invited us for a cookout at his place to meet his new GF. He advises us to BYOM (bring your own meat).
My buddy and myself bring burgers for ourselves and potato salad because we love some potato salad.
We arrive and there are no condiments. He is cooking on a George Foreman Grill. There is no beer, nor soda, nor anything but water. There are no napkins.
He proceeds to tell us about how he cut booze out of his life for the better and we should too because it really should be illegal, dumped his ex (great girl, intelligent, attractive, great sense of humor, had a career), and has been all around changing himself for the better. I ask how and he yells "by becoming an asshole!"
Mike asks why BYOM if he had all those Bubba Burgers. Former friend laughs and says he just enjoyed toying with us.
We meet the new GF, who does not utter more than three words. She's impolite, dropped out of school twice, unattractive, and does not work. She asks me to leave my potato salad outside because she hates potato salad.
Mike and me begin texting back and forth like mischievous school girls, making sure we both are on the same page about how weird this all is.
The crescendo of the disappointment came when he turned to us mid-way through choking down our dry, sauce and veggie-less burgers and asked us if he knew why he had brought us here. I'm sensing perhaps he was going to kill us and put us in the basement at this point and am actively scanning the room for drug paraphernalia. He turns to his GF and with his cellphone in hand with the Kay Jeweler's website opens...asks her to marry him.
We laughed it off and said we would give it some thought while shuffling towards the door.
dreaper3221 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:30:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jenga with Michael J. Fox.
tydestra ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:42:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jello dishes made with Spam from the 50s/60s.
PeanutButter707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd actually like that, but sadly most Jello dishes from the 50s/60s are based around fish or seemingly random vegetables
NuclearPissOn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:23:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tea in champagne flutes with the teabags still in them.
Nuranon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:17:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
ball pit.
chubbyurma ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:52:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lunch
doob22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:55:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Toothpaste
meeetooh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:13:51 on November 23, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
and then they forced you to drink orange juice after
fisheramike ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:20:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Dick showed up.
cyberL0af ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:35:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Blimpies
lalaowai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is that even still a thing?
cyberL0af ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
https://twitter.com/BlimpieSubShop?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Not only are they still around, but someone has the best job in the world as Blimpies' tweeter.
masterzoney ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:06:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pizza with no sauce, no cheese, and left anchovies.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:53:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckups couldn't even get the right anchovies!
HEpennypackerNH ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:23:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the food looks GREAT and smells even better, but then you eat it and it's super dry and has a ton of salt in it
PeanutButter707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Also this but you take a bite and you realize it's all gluten free and just doesn't taste right.
Rogerss93 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:22:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Piers Morgan introducing the dvd for movie night as The Phantom Menace while Ellen Pao serves the food
loqi0238 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:25:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Neco Wafers galore.
bamfrighthere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:33:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Free Raisin Oat Muffins advertised as Free Chocolate Chip Muffins.
goplayer7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:48:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know how to cook dinner, so it is all take out.
frank_bough ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:02:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bud Light
donfart ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:02:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the Republican presidential candidates and Paulie Shore
BurtMaclin11 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:38:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Raisins...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:24:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the food is hollow.
prollyaguppy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:39:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everything I'm allergic to.
13thcommandment ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:13:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Salmon mousse.
PeanutButter707 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:43:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"I didn't even eat the salmon mousse"
Tonezinator ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:01:10 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
People from reddit who only talk about there being no god and dead lifting..
hubert_cumberdalee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:14:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Continental dinner.
Sorocco ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:49:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Undercooked goose, only camp Kamchatka (6 pint glass minimum of of a shitty vodka) to drink and no ice. Everyone is dope sick and have derringers in their sleeves and are welcome to shoot. Last person standing gets fee heroin
TheClayroo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:37:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The entire menu is inspired from /r/food.
camalittle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:40:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Never seen that sub. But knowing Reddit, I can imagine r/food being as lowbrow and clueless on food as r/malefashionadvice is on "style".
TheClayroo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:09:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just full of "foodies" and people who know more than professional chefs but don't work anywhere near the industry.
Made an exquisite cake that took 20 hours? Amazing....wait is that fondant?! You are literally Hitler. But better go upvote the karma whores who are just sharing a stupid "recipe" gif they found on imgur.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:22:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
nope_tuck_testa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:20:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP said disappointing, not shitty.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This would be an absolute shitfest
game004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You mean no toilet paper?
Sorocco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:49:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Undercooked goose, only camp Kamchatka (6 pint glass minimum of of a shitty vodka) to drink and no ice. Everyone is dope sick and have derringers in their sleeves and are welcome to shoot. Last person standing gets fee heroin
obiedo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:07:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We're ordering PIZZA!!!!
f_ranz1224 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:55:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He said disappointing. A pizza based dinner party may be the only one I'd ever want to attend
obiedo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:58:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, a few replies now have said this.
Well if you actually had expectations for a dinner party to be disappointed in the first place, you probably expected to taste the food someone else cooked, the wine they chose, and prepared yourself for a 3-course-meal and see how your friends have outdone themselves this time. Even if it sucked.
Not so much the food, but the social aspect; the whole concept of a dinner party.
And then they ordered pizza.
I'd be like "I got ready, dressed well, left my comfortable couch and drove through traffic for this? Domino's PIZZA?!?! I could've done this at home in my underwear!!!"
So yeah, I'd be a little pissed they got me over there for that.
"Screw you guys... I'm. going. home!"
PeanutButter707 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:45:13 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But it's all pineapple
obiedo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:09 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jeez, this thread was just for amusement now you've gone too far, what is wrong with you???
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
LittleBigKid2000 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:10:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pizza is like sex.
It's better with your bros.When it's bad, it's still good.RuneLFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's cardboard, sorry. The cheese...well...it's the mystery juice that leaks out of the bottom of a trash bag. Coagulated mystery trash juice.
smileedude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:55:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And it has also got pineapple on it.
Curlysnail ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:27:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pineapple pizza is nice.
Don't start this again.
Mackem101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, nowt better than a nice Hawian pizza from the local takeaway to start a night on the lash.
RuneLFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, you're one of those people.
Curlysnail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:26:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bin juice I like to call it. Bin juice must be one of the most disgusting substances.
djargyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Scouse champagne you mean.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like a great dinner party.
t30ne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:19:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No one else is there but you and I. Turns out you're the only one that showed up.
eskaolin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:28:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Expect nothing, don't get disappointed.
Kitteas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your Mom
..Forgot to bring the condiments.
gstfs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, cum
MrSleepin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:43:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sparklers.
ltminderbinder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:52:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Mi Goreng and water with food colouring, if you hold your nose it'll taste like cordial, I swear
Kestar397 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:09:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Breakfast for dinner- frozen waffles only, no butter, no syrup, no toaster...
KrishaCZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:32:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Absolute literal nothing.
Dark_messengeR ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:35:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Non-fat, gluten free, Raisin cookies for dessert
koonzi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:36:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No beer.
CowardYixing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh boy! based on a family tradition , i say bread ,fresh tomatoes and olive oil accompanied with constant questionnin of "are you guys staying for dinner? come on stay!" as a way to push guest to leave. Also all food or gifts or whatever the guests bring will never see the light of day again.
ChrisWalley ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:02:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing
Back2Bach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jehovah's Witness representatives would greet you upon entering the house, giving you copies of The Watchtower and subjecting you to a presentation on why you, too, should become a Jehovah's Witness.
Ivegotacitytorun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:24:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Deviled eggs.
moistflower94 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:25:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The anecdotes from this thread
Yo-effing-lo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:48:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A sausage fest.
Just been to one. 13 guys, 1 couple.
Worst party ever.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:02:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Salad tongs that open otherworldly.
TomIsTheBomb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:05:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Salsa and dip, but no chips.
drunz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:13:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fancy food cooked wrong.
Like steaks are burnt to a crisp and are bathed to death in pepper & salt. The salad uses expired dressing to kill the taste. The desert is a cake baked with like 3x the amount of sugar needed.
ZeBlooIsosceles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:17:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
School lunch and plastic sporks
Mackem101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Holds up spork
Bojangy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:23:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tables lined up in classroom setting, that are unstable and tend to cry a lot
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:24:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Non alcoholic beer
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:32:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bread just stale enough to be noticeable, but not taste different.
LadyKlaymoor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:35:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Carrot Top is the entertainment.
itriedtobenice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:36:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I wrote the menu in chiller. It's all vegan. When you arrive the smell of wet dog meets you (despite there not being any sign of a dog living in the house). I've brought my relatives. They don't speak english, and seem to be staring at you a lot. I said there would be music. It's very quiet, but my elderly grandma is still staring at you so you don't say anything. The food is slightly cold. I don't offer seconds and just give you them instead. My grandma decides to dance with you. She smells like old cabbage and new slippers. It's not a pleasant smell.
9volts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I need a drink.
itriedtobenice ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:32:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My elderly grandma is drinking very nice looking wine. You're not sure where she got it from. You don't want to ask.
El_Hoxo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:38:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A parking lot with a barrel fire in the middle.
Ben_Ulrand ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:45:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
lukewarm soup
dont_read_my_user_id ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP's mom.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:56:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sporks
Brians89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:58:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Marmite sandwiches
Cairney ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:59:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing at all. I'd cancel the whole thing 5 minutes before everyone showed up!
Binary_Wombat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:01:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Vegans. Vegans everywhere.
bigangry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:03:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody these days loves throwback stuff, so the entire menu is out of 1950's cookbooks, meaning that the appetizer and entree are both enveloped in flavored gelatin! It's pectin-ariffic!
pkreed71 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:04:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only alcohol is a BOX of White Zinfandel.
newsagg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I've been to one of these.
DubPwNz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:08:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All you get is a bottle of Ensure.
Hankosha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:21:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chris Hansen and a TV crew.
thunder75 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:23:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A session on how you can make money with the power of Amway.
blearyboy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:24:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your exes, and they're all doing great
BaktusBror ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:26:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your secretly arranged marriage
vazod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:26:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dessert consists of candy corn
sean_emery09 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:30:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
non alcoholic beer
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:31:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Steak will be served well done
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
PeanutButter707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
With no sauce
Treddo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:37:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I can tell you who I'd expect to see there: a life coach.
mwproductions ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:38:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Peas from a can.
chestnutman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Star Wars Episode 7
DogFister19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:43:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All of the food is slightly overcooked. It's cooked enough so that it doesn't taste like it should, but cooked enough so you can somewhat enjoy it as well.
theNickOTime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:47:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I make everyone sit through a slide show of my most disappointing failures. Upon reaching the end of the slideshow, the last photo is of the guests at the table watching the slideshow.
JoeyLucier ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:50:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It wouldn't be disappointing if we had low expectations to begin with.
awaythrow1483 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:51:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everything is fine. In fact it's amazing. The drinks are exceptional. But Bill Cosby is the bartender.
otherdroidurlookin4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
lots and lots of under ripe avocados
O_clock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:58:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food.
all_teh_sandwiches ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:03:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your in laws
fromm_45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:06:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chris Hansen asks you to take a seat right over there.
Jalil343 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:07:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lukewarm Mac n cheese served with sporks, beenie weenie served hors derv style, with one Capri Sun each.
sooperdooperboi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:10:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Off brand sodas, because I had a coupon that made them 10 cents cheaper than Coke.
rabiarbaaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:10:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At the world's most disappointing dinner party, we can expect the Dallas Cowboys to show up.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Harper
ImAStupidFace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not food, that's for sure.
tubularjohnny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:18:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food.
KooDaBang ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Kanye West is making a speech covering human rights.
Momorules99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I hope you like Big Macs and Frostys. And every person gets one of the crowns from Burger King. Oh, and by the way, you have to bring your own chair.
go_ask_your_father ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:24:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking Fondue. I love cheese as much as the next person but I'm gonna need some real food here too please.
Brother_Farside ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:26:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Popcorn and toast, served in the backyard at a ping pong table on thanksgiving.
Seasizzle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of REALLY grear advertisements and late night infomercials months ahead of time to get people realy excited for it then when they show up the advertisements will be better than the actual event.
round_eyed_asian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
raisin cookies
DrFane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Helen Keller and Marcel Marceau.
Quixilver05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:32:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm at the party too and just stand about a foot behind everyone just staring at them and listening in on their conversations
Lord_Ahrim1536 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:33:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No one....
ProfessorShitDick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:33:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Crunchy beans in a dish that should not have crunchy beans.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:35:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Breakfast
Supersherbertman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Heroin...lots of heroin!!
PeanutButter707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:08 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP said disappointing
heron27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Offal preparations.
danimal6000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:44:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Arnold
CustosClavium ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:45:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I will tell you I worked hard making that dish, taught to me by my mother. Really, I just poured the can into a microwavable dish, heated it, and stuck a spoon in said dish for serving.
thedeejus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lasagna's ready! Just kidding, it's eggplant parmesan!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:48:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Abradolf lincler
jocristian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:49:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Vegan buffet
stillill_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Dick shows up.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Laxatives and no toilet paper
RuckThePolice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Appetizers are so-hot-they-exploded pizza rolls (not even Totino's- generic). When you take them off the platter they slide down the toothpick and this sauce pours out all over your hand burning you. Stick around to watch "Paul Blart Mall Cop", yes both 1 & 2.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:55:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wax for dessert.
jdlyga ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bland food, and nothing but talk about everyone's tiny health problems for 4 hours.
Justbecauseitskat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We only have ranch as salad dressing because we can't fathom why people would want anything else and we know you have a gluten sensitivity but we really like spaghetti so we chose that for the main course. But hey at least you have salad and ranch
ofrelevantinterest ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Buzz Killington.
Dr_Killjoy18 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I just picture it in black and white and everyone has a somber look upon their face.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You took me by the hand, made me a man
ForeverBronze1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:05:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A safe.
Alumni_Blues ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:07:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The Duke football team.
KeystrokeCowboy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:09:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A table that is set but untouched because nobody showed up.
stoph311 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I would advertise it with flyers showing pictures of steak, pizza, burgers, and wings, and then when everyone shows up, I would tell them I recently became vegan and that all the food eaten that night would be derived from tofu.
GetReady4Action ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Three course meal. Pickled beets every course.
Meshuggahn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:14:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just me.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:15:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I have 3 eggs, a pack of Mr noodles and a small brick of cheese. Sounds like a good time to me. Really though, that's my dinner.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:15:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
McDonald's fries with no salt
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dessert is just fruit.
noshoes-noworries ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody shows up.
lemmycaution415 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:18:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The decaying corpses of Jesus, Socrates and Oscar Wilde.
gamingonion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Idk cause no ones coming
DickWoodReddit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:20:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not much.
coffeecircus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:21:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Gandhi impersonators. Maybe a fake Buddha or two. Lots of meat for dinner, but not even the good kind. Boiled vienna sausages.
BoobalooTheStink ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:23:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone gets one Pringle from their favorite flavor. Just one.
SteroidSandwich ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:25:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There will be a group of old ladies there who won't stop talking and won't leave you alone.
Unicorns-and-Glitter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:26:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No one.
sigh.
jjm239 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:27:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No guests
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Kale.
YOLO_HASHTAG_SWAG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This one is easy!
I'll just throw a dinner party. Since I'll be there it will definitionally be disappointing!
Quiet sobbing
JabberwockyTalkie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:32:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cardboard cutouts of the cast of Friends.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:32:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'll invite a mime.
Emo-Princess ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:33:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rฬฬอฬฬฝฬอฏอคฬตฬกฬทฬอฬญฬฆอaฬฬอฎาฬฬชฬผฬฬผฬซฬฆอzอจอฅอชอฏออฬขฬฌอoอฌออฬพฬอฌออฬฬทฬrฬฬอชอฎออ ฬนฬฏฬฐฬอ ฬฬพอซอฬฬฬฎฬฬฬอbออฏฬฬฬฬอคอฬณฬณฬคอออฬฬซอlฬฬพฬฬฬอฆอฬอออaฬอซอฬฬงฬกฬกออฬฬบdอฉฬพฬฬฬอฬธฬขอกฬฅออฬฎฬฅอ ฬปฬคeฬฬอฬฬธออฬฌฬฐsฬอจอฬอออฬซอฬฅ อฎอ อฬฐฬผaฬออฎฬฬฬฬ อฃอฬผออ ฬฬณฬณnฬพอฎฬฬอฎอฬดฬคออฬชออdฬฬอฬ ฬขฬถอขฬฐอฬนอ ฬอกออ Mฬฬฝออฬออฬฅฬชฬฬซฬซฬบอฬyฬฝอญออฉอฬฬฬฬธอฬฒอฬณ ฬฬอฬอฉฬอฏอฬฌฬฃฬฒอฬนฬณฬฆCอออฎฬฬฬจฬทอฬฅฬญฬฆhฬฬอออออฬอขฬฏฬนeอคฬอคฬทอฬฬฑออฬฬฃฬคฬฌmฬพอคฬฬอฬอฃฬฝฬอฬธฬบฬฬ ฬiฬฬ อฃองฬฬฬอฬจฬฒฬชฬฌฬผฬฬฉcอฬฬฬฬตฬถฬฑอฬฅอออฬฑaฬฬฟออญอฃออฬธฬถอฬฬฑฬฬณอฬฬฆฬฐlฬอฬอองฬอฌฬออ ฬฃฬนฬณฬอ ออฬฬออออRฬฬฬออฬฬทอ ฬฬฌอฬญฬฬoออฬอ ฬกฬคฬฒอฬฒฬอฬปฬณฬ mอฬ อฬฉอฬซอaฬอฅฬฃอฬชอฬฬผnอฬฬฬออฌอ ฬกฬออฬฃฬฒcอฬฬงออeองฬอกอฬงฬฅอฬฬซฬผอฬฬ
cd7k ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP.
doctormisterjohn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A shortage of chairs.
paranoiainc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:40:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Carrot sticks. That's it. Just carrot sticks.
sambt5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:40:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only food served would be eggs; Not hardboiled eggs, not raw eggs , not even softboiled. But instead eggs cooked slighly below what would be considered soft boiled so the outer layer is cooked an able to hold the egg together after peeled (with care) but spew out in a cold uncooked whites and yolk.
Vitztlampaehecatl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:42:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody else bothers to show up.
jasez0r ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:43:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Luke warm soup with slightly stale bread for starter - no butter.
Profiteroles for dessert, served without chocolate sauce.
The only drinks available are ginger beer and dandelion and burdock.
Ilodie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:44:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You arrive with your Significant Other and you are - just like you said you'd be - 15 minutes early. The moody silence coming from your SO shows that they know that you're right, and that they know that YOU know that you're right.
The bitter non-argument "discussion" that lasted for the first 15 minutes of the drive over (the rest of the drive was nothing but silence.) is now hanging on you heavily as you trudge up to the door. Out of pure spite you decide to knock rather than take a walk around the block to avoid being 15-fucking-minutes early.
I answer the door and from the instant you catch the look on my face you know that this is going to be one of those nights. I am frazzled, I am sweaty, my hair is everywhere, and the second I catch sight of you my face drops in disappointment.
"We're a bit early! Hope that's alright!" Your SO says with a forced grin through gritted teeth.
My face creaks its way into a stiff and very obviously fake smile. You hand over the bottle of cheap white wine that you picked up from the Dep, and awkwardly shuffle your way into my kitchen.
The kitchen is a disaster of vegetable peelings, bubbling pots and a chaos of dishes. My SO is standing in the middle of the kitchen, hands on hips - you've obviously arrived in the middle of an argument. Awkward greetings, kisses and hugs join up as I chatter too much while struggling with the meal that I'm preparing.
"We're having gnudi in nettle pesto, mushroom risotto, and a fig, goat cheese and pralined pecan salad. Hope that's alright!" I say struggling my way through the remainder of prep while you awkwardly sit in the kitchen and watch me cook.
My SO comes over and offers to help and I hiss out "maybe you should have offered a few hours ago"
You and your SO look at each other in mutual satisfaction that at least you're not the only couple that has had a tiff that night.
"What's the main course? It smells delicious!" Your SO lies.
An awkward pause.
"The mushroom risotto is the main." I say, trying to sound bright and cheerful. "I got the mushrooms from the marchรฉ this morning - delicious chanterelles and champignon de paris."
"Oh yum!" You and your SO say as you both slump a bit at the idea of a vegetarian dinner.
"Eloise is coming - she's vegetarian now." My SO says as explanation with a roll of his eyes. I slam the knife down into the cutting board, nearly breaking off the tip - you can tell this is not a new argument.
We all awkwardly sit in the kitchen, drinking the slightly-warm and too sweet wine that you bought at the dep while waiting for the others to show up. Conversations follow the same lines of work -weddings - breakups- food - vacations - christmas plans - work round and around until there's a knock at the door and I nearly jump for excitement that another couple has shown up.
It's Alice and Joe, and they show up happy and excited about the vacation that they've just come back from. The second they step back into the kitchen the energy is sucked out of them and everybody goes back to a mulish silence while I keep chattering about the dinner.
"What's the main course?" Alice asks, sending me to the brink of tears and my SO on another explanation of Eloise's new-found vegetarianism.
We wait, and wait, and wait for Eloise and Charles to show up and when they finally do they're 30 minutes late. I start to reheat dinner, and when we finally sit down it's nearly 9:30 and everybody is starving and slightly tipsy. At least the cheap wine has gone down easy and made everyone relax.
Then the horrible realization - there isn't enough wine for the evening. You bought a bottle, Alice and Joe bought a bottle, but Eloise and Charles bought dessert and I thought that everyone else would bring more than one bottle so we're left with barely any wine at dinner.
The gnudi were an absolute failure, falling apart and melting when they were poached, and turning into a runny mess with the nettle pesto. The nettles weren't poached enough and so are stringy and bitter. When you cut into the gnudi they aren't cooked all the way through and there are chunks of raw flour throughout.
The risotto, due to its cooling and reheating, is a disgusting, grey sludge that has hardened into congealed globs. The mushroom tastes haven't come through enough - I forgot to brown them well before hand - so the entire dish just tastes grey and flavourless.
In my rush to get the salad finished I didn't wash the arugula well enough so it's gritty and sandy. Everyone tries to discretely eat only the figs, goat cheese and pecans.
Eloise's dessert is a vegan zucchini loaf which she made at home. It is not cooked through and tastes like a cat's grass-vomit.
She spends the entire evening talking on and on about her new job, how she doesn't like any of the other waiters, how she's in a fight with her mum and her sister. Normally you would just tell her to shut up and let others talk, but with the warm tingle of wine fading you know it would come across as cruel instead of playful.
Instead everyone sits in silence and listens as she goes on and on. You and your SO telegraph looks to each other across the table as you finish your cat-puke-cake, trying to impart that it's time to leave right now actually.
You hear me and my SO get into another argument in the kitchen while clearing the tables, and that settles it. Somehow we've made it through 3 courses in about 45 minutes, and so - at 10:15 pm, despite being in your mid-20s - you mention that you're just so exhausted and really need to get some sleep because you have to be up so early tomorrow.
You and your SO - now both completely sober - give fake goodbyes and leave Alice and Joe to deal with the remainder of the dinner party.
As you get into your car your SO turns to you.
"Jesus fucking christ."
TL;DR - bad food, not enough booze, boring guests
Snipe1guy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:45:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ninja Sex Party's second attempt at the awesomest party since 1969.
MickCollins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jello.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:48:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Jones comes with his famous punch.
Callumlfc69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:49:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No dinner.
Camoral ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:50:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A bunch of mirrors
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:51:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Garlic bread laced with laxatives.
medicrescue08 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:52:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Matt Damon
kim_jong_un4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:53:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Their is no food. Just cardboard cutouts of salads.
thetallgirll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:54:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nonalcoholic beer.
Finisherofwar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:56:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Comcast wi-fi
Jonatc87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:56:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A ball pit with exactly one ball which used to be a paddling pool. An out of date tiramisu, with less slices than the number of people present. A bouncer at the door who admits only women showing their cleavage. An entry fee paid months in advance. A children's party next door that sounds way more awesome.
thirdegree ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The steak is well done.
Wulle83 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bernie Sanders losing the election.
pleasureincontempt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lindsay Bluth is cooking. We're serving up some hot ham water and raw chicken served with a topping of its own thawing water.
Centipede1974 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:59:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
After the sorry, slightly smelly, shrimp cocktail , and the dry roast (with halfcooked potatoes), we all sit down and watch a Adam Sandler movie. Afterwards noone leave before 22:30.
muffinmayne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:00:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone gets a free* first month of Comcast and no matter how much you call to cancel Comcast will keep ignoring you.
chewchainz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's a bowl of lukewarm punch but only a few small Styrofoam cups left. It's a pretty hot and humid day and the guys who you gave $50 to get ice and some more refreshments have not come back yet. It's been two hours.
P12oof ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunted! LOL! if i heard this song at a dinner party i would immediately leave.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:06:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I got all these beat because I've actually been to worst party ever thrown. I walked into a house reeking of cat urine. NOBODY in the party seemed to notice but me. It was agonizing. In retrospect I like to think that everyone was suffering through their own personal hell alongside of me but nobody was brave enough to say anything because the girl throwing the party was so nice.
Aquilian_Nights ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Myself. That would make it disappointing...I hate social stuff like that.
spartanburt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The 'fruit salad' is 90%+ green honeydew and orange canteloupe.
turkeypants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone calls it jelly instead of Polaner All Fruit.
Onlyhereforthelaughs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Empty sugar bowls.
Nobody compliments the fancy dresser.
Missing attendees.
Unplanned guests.
Orphaned kitten.
ladder_filter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:12:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"My son is learning to play guitar. Yells at kid in his upstairs bedroom Sweetie can you come down and play that Wonderwall song you just learned?"
WhereAreThePix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:12:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dane Cook
Frankiecee96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hellen Keller, Donald Trump and Walt Jr. from Breaking Bad
Fig_Newton_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Say what you want but Trump knows how to put on a show.
Frankiecee96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Certainly does! but I just eating dinner with him would be oh so sad. I feel like he is the guy who talks with his mouth full and uses his utensils as pointers
Fig_Newton_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And would he not be entertaining at the dinner table, like a crazy drunk uncle?
IAMASTOCKBROKER ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:16:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Comcast Wifi
fucrate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:17:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Every Bethesda game.
cristine02 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dinner takes to long to make and you're starving but all they for appetizers was saltine crackers with not enough cheese to go with. So you end eating the crackers plain and your mouth is getting dry because they only have water and one bottle of wine that they are saving to go with dinner. They serve a medley of the most gas inducing vegetables, only seasoned just enough for the hope of flavor but sadly falls short. Boiled chicken with lemon slices on top as the only season, so looks gross and tastes sour. And your seated next to the guy that constantly dominants the conversation and doesn't leave you with an open to talk to someone else.
InertiaInMyPants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:18:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
T-rex sex.
jordanlund ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me and too much food.
navygent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Eva Braun and Hitler, Mark David Chapman and John Lennon, Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby. Robin Williams and David Carradine to name a few. Making sure they aren't alone together, or by themselves would be too much work and depressing at the same time.
josephdevon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Papa Johns.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. There would be nothing there but a dark empty room with a hidden video camera in the corner. The other guests, who would have also endured the same torture when they first arrived, would be watching from an adjacent room as you try to escape through one of the several locked doors. Oh yeah, it would be a round room. That smells like dead bodies.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
DDJello ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:22:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You turn up to a friends party only you find its more of a family gathering. The dads letting off blackmarket fireworks in the back garden whilst the kids crowd round him, he also turns out to be incredibly racist and makes regular use of the N word. Your friend has a blazing row with her aunt and storms off upstairs, you and the one friend who came with you sit awkwardly trapped between screeching kids drinking lukewarm cider and eating buffet food (nachos and sweets).
van9750 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A Destiny tournament.
UrethraFrankl1n ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My dad
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:24:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The Xbox ones Backwards compatibility list.
smatticus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OPs mom
red_sky33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:26:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rasin oatmeal cookies that look like chocolate chip.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:26:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can expect everything to be incredible! But it won't be.
mrhymer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
MSNBC debate moderators.
man-of-God-1023 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not dinner, that's for sure.
NiggyWiggyWoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:33:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I have a gluten intolerance, therefore all of the food I am preparing will be gluten free.
Also, I am a recovering alcoholic, and since I am unable to control myself around alcohol, no alcohol will be permitted.
Lastly, when you show up, I will not even have started cooking the food because "I have had a doozy of a day." Enjoy sitting around making awkward small talk with people you don't really know.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. No food, no furniture, no decoration, just empty white walls.
Crazylittleloon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If there's no pasta or no cheese platter, then I'm horribly disappointed.
So I'd host a dinner party with no pasta and no cheese platter.
rallioul ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pictures of food, but no actual food.
IceEye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:40:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The host is that distant aunt you don't really know from that part of the family you don't care about. She was too lazy to cook so she made it a potluck, but everyone just brought various types on uninteresting potato salad.
AC_Slaughter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:42:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone I ever did a group project with.
ExcelMN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:42:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me, a few pizzas and a cake, in an empty house because no one showed up.
AllAboutThatTruth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:43:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My co-hosts, James Franco and Anne Hathaway.
hillcorbin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:44:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All Front Office Staff and Quarterbacks of the Cleveland Browns
KulaanDoDinok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:45:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The cheese tastes of despair.
Cubkage64 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me
EnglishBob84 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chilled monkey brains! Snake surprise!
Detach50 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pepsi
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
regal1989 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OPs mom.
holololololden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing
Spiralofourdiv ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The Office already spent 20 minutes on this topic when Michael and Jan threw a dinner party. I really don't think Reddit can improve on that episode.
lokicramer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You are looking through a window from the outside. You see me, sitting alone, with a taco 12 pack.
Barghest301 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Can you step over here please, I'm Chris Hansen and you're on To Catch A Predator..."
Ickulus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bacon wrapped scallops, but the bacon is way undercooked while the scallops are way overcooked.
Sixyn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The folks have been raving about the perfection of the hamburgers they usually have from this particular host.
When the food is finally ready, paper-thin hamburgers in McDonald's wrappers all around.
tburtn88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me stirring the mashed potatoes with my wee hand
wafflezombies100 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All of the food is just marzipan shaped like delicious things.
Try the duck...it's delicious
Flopsinator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Ahh damn we ran out of coke. Is Pepsi okay?"
mmbananas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:08:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Simple, not food. Just a plate of crackers with nothing to drink.
GioGImic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Doors locked no one's home.. I'm actually on my computer and cant be bothered to get up and answer the door.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Half life 3
Wambulance_Driver ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:15:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You.
msx8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:17:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food
WhosPeteSake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:18:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't fill up on salad everyone. I want you to save room for the salad.
TimmyTimT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP's penis
SouthernMiss1995 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can expect whatever you want, but it wont be there.
Amuxix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Food that looks great but tastes like shit. As I like to call it its food that takes of disappointment xD
guceubcuesu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:23:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
cold saltines
The_Zulu_Tribe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:25:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Meatloaf.
Drak_is_Right ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The salad doesn't have croutons.
paulwhite959 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Totino's pizza, tang, and dollar store chips. No booze. No cell reception.
brashdecisions ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:27:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your guests set up A giant table full of food that is there to honor your guest's dead fat grandpa. Instead, everyone reads from a religious text you aren't familiar with in a language you don't understand. It's at your house, all the wasted food is yours.
OP didn't say who it was disappointing.
Goat01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Brownies with peanuts in them.......ugh.....
VPee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
wefr5927 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:33:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
10 inch plasma screen tv or having to wait three hours to eat.
critfist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Three bean salad, still semi frozen shrimp platters, pigs in a blanket with no condiments and a bowl of ripple chips.
The most disappointing dinner.
famouscomposer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I will be in attendance.
mts12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:43:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I saw this movie. There was a biggest idiot competition, right?
secopree ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bloody Corpses.
thedantasm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:51:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Expect nothing but the finest. I hope you enjoy smoked turducken wrapped in bacon, it's what I had at my dinner party last year around this time. I'm not much of a baker, so bring something for dessert. (Maybe pie? I've got plenty of ice cream and my slutty cousin Sarah is making raspberry cheesecake and key lime pie. She's single now and has a lot of time on her hands since her rich husband died.) We'll probably start towatch season 2 of Firefly on Netflix after dinner if blah blah blah Half Life 3.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Dick.
HaywoodJablomey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
tofu turkey with no-salt gluten-free fat-free gravy
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:03:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the food is poison.
SugarMyDunkerton ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cookies with raisins in them for dessert
Fewbugie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:15:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You would see me.
cp5184 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
The only people that show up are the people you were hoping wouldn't. They all bring stuff you hate, and uninvited people who are annoying. And, like, a rabid honey badger.
newsagg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Spam burgers with white bread instead of buns, asparagus with salt, tater-tot casserole. Diet RC cola and skim milk for drinks.
THE_GR8_MIKE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A Prius.
Pathfinder24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
343 studios.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:28:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When the food is nothing but dry and sugary. Marzipan cake, biscuits, toast with jam.
Kentont911 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Soggy cereal
SkoldpaddaCommala ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Full-course vegan meal
booklover618 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food. It's not a party unless there's some snacks.
rubixium ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:33:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone is on their phone texting. Not a single word is spoken.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You show up and get murdered in some terrible way that involves a specific fear of yours. You find out that hell is real, and everyone goes there.
I'd say that'd be pretty disappointing.
Kahnonymous ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:38:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A bunch of people engrossed in their smartphones picking at their plates and letting a rather fine meal get cold and unpleasant textures as a result. You left your phone in the car thinking it was polite, so you're forced to interact with the coworker that overheard and invited himself and is taking advantage of your vulnerable state to pester you endlessly about some fad you're an expert on but over and their just getting into (like MtG, WOW/some MMORPG/some FPS/Alf in Pog form - that's it!) Milhouse, you're forced to be Milhouse's best friend for the evening.
At the end of the evening, everyone gets laid but you. Yes everyone else, including Milhouse.
Uncle_Cheech ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A surprise visit from your In-Laws
ballsymcgee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
a vegan menu
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hamburger Helper on paper plates.
Orcapa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:44:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bouillabaisse.
thatoneone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
soggy, cooled down asparagas
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:51:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You.
logonomicon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Enjoy your soggy Frosted Flakes entree.
SpaceFace5000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:58:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Expect to see tons of interesting individuals and like minded people with similar qualities as yourself. You all get along famously and after dinner we spend a good couple hours trying to decide which one of you is the most pathetic.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:00:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The leaders of the naacp. To celebrate the achievements of the basketball american and George Washinton Carvers invention of peanut butter...
beligerentlypunk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:01:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough seating
PolloMilord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:05:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Only sporks.
idontknow544 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:07:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jon Snow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BabsgCQhpu4
flickerkuu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:11:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
For dessert: A giant spread of Hydrox cookies and baby carrots!
itspoisonfood ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:14:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tombstone pizzas
coleosis1414 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:16:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm making microwaved hot dogs and OreIda wavy french fries that I heated in the oven.
Rikkochet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:20:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's a giant cake on a table against the wall.
No one pops out of the cake.
The cake is not served for dessert.
The cake has nothing to do with the party at all.
Oh, and now that you're all here let me disappear into the kitchen and start preparing dinner. Should only take 4 hours.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No one shows up.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:25:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
what can we expect to see? You. you will be there. that is why it is disappointing, OP.
GIDAMIEN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:28:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
jello. lots and lots of jello.
TheBahamaLlama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:32:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I hold the event at a restaurant and when it's over I tell the waitress away from the table that everyone is paying their own bill. I promptly pay for my water with lemon and cup of soup then leave before she delivers the check to everyone else.
blackhairdontcare ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:38:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everything that happened during Michael Scott and Jan's dinner party
MonsterAndCiroc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:39:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Invite God
sinestrostaint ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:42:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Japanese food
fortmoney ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You walk in and the party is blaring music, but it's the cd of the hostess' assistant at work. "YOU TOOK ME BY THE HAAAAAND. MADE ME A MAAAAAN. THAT ONE NIGHT, YOU MADE EVERYTHING ALLRIIIIIGHT"
rockynputz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jeremy Piven.
davewinkwink ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:52:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the comedian on stage in front of everyone. Now we are singing "the isty bitsy spider"
omgdinosaurs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:52:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My future.
Yung_Herpes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My mother's meatloaf.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:00:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Nice decorations, snack foods all over that cost a bomb because you bought the good stuff, a home made black forest cake topped with real cherries and a stereo system set up with a recommended spotify mix list that everyone contributed to.
The morning of the party most people cancel and only five say they might be able to make it. None do. You're left sitting at your coffee table at 7pm with bowls of snacks, a cake that took you the whole morning to make, Foo Fighters playing in the background and all the liquer sitting chilled in slowly melting ice buckets.
Your friend shows up at 8 and says he thought he'd come over for ten minutes to say hello before he has to shoot off to something important. You awkwardly make small talk and he tries to make light of everyone being late. You cut him some cake and he leaves after eating it. You fall asleep watching House of Cards and dream of being Frank Underwood's finacial advisor.
Next morning your facebook feed is full of people hoping that your party was good. You ignore them. The ice buckets have overflowed and your carpet is now soaked. The liquer is warm and the hot food has congealed into a cold mess. Your birthday cake has lost its structural integrity after the chocolate gauche melted away and now looks like a pile of dirt.
You sigh, start preparing for the day and your room mate rushes out the door to work while asking you to "clean up that mess in the living room." No one mentions anything about your birthday through the week. Nor do you about how your next paycheque might not even cover the party and your weekly food bill.
Two weeks later your mother calls to wish you a late happy birthday because she was away on vacation in Puket with your brother and sister.
Pyretic87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's it you won this question. Lock the thread.
Current_Poster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:02:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Aspics. Many, many aspics. Aspicmania. House of 1000 gelatins.
supreme281418 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:06:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Op's penis.
superradish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
rosie o'donnell and rapper/pop singer silento
phoneninja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:20:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Soylent Blue
.... It's house cat
MRwhodeytoyou ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:21:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The party is at Golden Corral
Marino4K ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump
FloobLord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:23:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The Brits are on point in this thread. They know their terrible dinner parties.
pukevines2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:31:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I set out a huge, and I mean HUUUGGGEEE, platter of Red Vines at each seat. Only that. You must eat all off them before you can leave.
Then you puke vines.
sloge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ray and Charles Eames were a married architect/designer/artist couple. They had a dinner party for a rather esteemed group of people. One of this group, I don't remember who, recalls them enticing the table with talk of a very special desert. Intrigued, he made sure to save his appetite for what he hoped would be a delicious desert. After the main course, Ray and Charles left for a moment and returned with various flowers and began to arrange what they called a "visual desert."
The guy was a little disappointed.
PattieMcCakes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hey everyone, remember that it is kinda stressful to hold a dinner party!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:40:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cheese Nips.
princesscesscesspool ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
lima beans
philoticstrand ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is the main course: https://i.imgur.com/M9PEILo.png.
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/shittyfoodporn/comments/2kd7v2/microwaved_winegums_with_defrosted_spinach_and/.
CylentShadow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The main course is soylent.
thebenfg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
all that is served is lutefisk and vegemite, and the only thing to drink is warm coors light
Double0100100 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:55:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I forget to show up.
thetechkid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:01:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
DocterCross ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:08:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No wine. No chips. No trees. Just bean stew with anchovies. And your mother in law.
bratzman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:17:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
me
Atanygiventime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:19:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chicken tikka masala with no naan or rice
Made_you_read_penis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:21:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm vegan, so enjoy that misery.
bube123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That mayonnaise and ham cake from r/shittyfoodporn
Old_man_Trafford ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The petting zoo is just a bunch of pet rocks
VibratingColors ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually brilliant. :)
greentelephonebox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
For desert, you think it's chocolate chip muffins, but they're really raisins
glenninator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:28:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Salt & Vinegar chips
rockies2626 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:33:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Serenity by Jan scented candles everywhere.
Stegaosaurus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:34:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The world's most disappointing dinner party host
Bird_Moat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:36:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I can tell you what you won't see. Maddie.
AvatarWaang ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bring Your Own Food
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
sheepythefirst ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
zac lomman
/u/uveeus
OurEngiFriend ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
myself
DogProudSayItLoud ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chicken breast. Baked in the oven with no seasoning. Dry and hard as a hockey puck. True story.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The detroit lions..
ice2o ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:06:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A single mini frank on the serving table next to a cup half full of stale beer with two cigarette butts floating around.
Crimsonakd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:09:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well first it would have an incredible line up of guests. Historical figures and Pop culture icons, Musicians, Artists, Scientists. But than you walk in and it's the third cousin of each said person. Or their ex girlfriends. The food brought out on close lid silver platters ends up being three day old McRibs that have been sitting in a hot dumpster.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:19:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A NASA spokesperson with a 'big announcement' that they won't divulge until the end of the party.
After hours of suspense and speculation they will finally reveal that Mars is one degree centigrade warmer on average at the poles than previously thought. When the rest of the guests respond with a collective "and?" the spokesperson will reply that means that there was possibly surface water there about 3.5 billion years ago, the end.
captain_buckwheat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:26:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well if I'm hosting then it's already a disaster and nobody comes. American cheese slices and soda crackers.
SoDamnLong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Twister with Tom Arnold.
tingwong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
catered by AppleBees and McDonalds
Pinstar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The worlds greatest and tastiest appetizer platters that will NEVER make it down to you, as they all get picked clean by the time they are passed to you. Oh you'll get your shot at an appetizer or two, but only because they're the shitty ones that everybody else passed on.
Reallytanwhiteguy33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:37:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's secretly an intervention with nothing to eat except for a big bowl of flavorless, dry mashed potatoes.
comrademikel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sam's Cola...
imjustwright1995 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:55:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Star Wars Episode I.
DRHARNESS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:05:15 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
eachother
NunyaDB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:06:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cold soup. An empty chair. Long moments of awkward silence. Expensive wine that's nearly undrinkable. A drunk drama queen crying into their dessert.
rowanhenry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:09 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You invite a bunch of people over, none of which know each other. You get them all seated and tell them you're about to serve up the dinner. You walk back into the kitchen, but then keep walking out the back door, around the side of the house, up the street to the pub where you sink a few pints, leaving your guests hungry and wondering wtf is going on!
Trezzie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're expecting it to be a gathering of a couple friends, board games or Smash Bros. You drive in, alone, with work in the morning. You arrive to see it's a packed, alcohol driven college party. You know two people, the hosts. You are not social. You can not drink because you have to drive home. The party then goes to the park to set off fireworks in the middle of the night in the state capital. You get pressured to go there, and leave as soon as the fireworks start. You drive straight home.
DeathByToilet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:14:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The CLG management meeting with Hotshot
DeuceLoosely13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:33 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My in laws.
AcetheShooter1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:27:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Andy dick
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:42:18 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food, and I find out my husband is having an affair with one of the people at the party halfway through. Bonus points if it's my best friend.
dontmakemeregretthis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:45:38 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No dinner shall be served
davekingofrock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:46:56 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
German potato salad. If there's a turkey, the stuffing has raisins in it.
Thumbtyper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:51:08 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lunch
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:54:02 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All you can eat corn dogs and all you can drink flat warm pbr.
sega31098 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:29 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing but unseasoned salad.
bigfoot94 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:01:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
An iPod nano connected to shitty computer speakers, Milwaukee's best,vianna sausages, and all of your exes
Edit: added vianna sausages
Bacon5131 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:05:26 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
TheInfiniteGoddess ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:12:57 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP's parents.
RonBeastly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:15:40 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely no food
darrenja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:41:38 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
tried doing this one time with my friends and my girlfriend threw a dundie at my plasma screen tv and killed it
Arkhar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:35 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We were on vacation in Italy, and were enjoying the great food. A friend of a friend suggested we go to a vegan restaurant. sigh Fine, they must have something good, this is Italy and everything had been spot on. After walking around for a while we found it, a door surrounded by some health posters in a softly lit alley. We entered a small hall that looked like a community centre, covered with event posters and notifications. Adjoining was a small room leading to the equally small cafeteria. There were only a few dishes, all expensive and only lemonade and coffee to drink. We sat down at our small cheap tables and tried to eat under the stark fluorescent light. My plate of cold grey tasteless goop seemed to nullify the salt I had retrieved from my foray back into the cafeteria completely. We tested each other's dishes and came to the conclusion this was a terrible mistake. Tears were shed.
Afterwards we went to a sweet comic book bar though so the evening was at least salvaged.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the food has just enough salt that you know it has too much salt, but not enough that you can reject the food outright for being too salty. You have to keep eating it because it's not horrible, but it definitely bothers you. And there will be a spice that you can't identify in everything, but there will definitely be too much of it. Or not enough. Because you'll never figure out exactly what it is and it will haunt you forever.
lobstertraper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:37 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
you're a monster
Koalaalan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:57 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Englands football team.
๐๏ธ mrboombastic123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:08:37 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
kek
ohmc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:30:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"I got enough cheese and crackers for like 8 people."
dahjay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:04 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My foreplay.
orange_thespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:17:59 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The guy who played Beans on Even Stevens
FragMeNot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Off brand cheetoes on toothpicks
Days00011 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:37:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ordered my food from OP's delivery service but it never came.
ButtsexEurope ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food. No furniture. No games. No drinks.
What kind of a question is this?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:10 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
LondonHyena ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:25:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ferrero Roche
Horrible little chocolate nuggets with more horribleness inside.
unpickedusername ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:07:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
TIL there's a (clearly misguided) person on earth who doesn't enjoy Ferrero Rocher.
LondonHyena ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The outside them isn't so bad, and the gooey bit is alright.
But to sneak a nut in, yuck :|
unpickedusername ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:43:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
See, that's the part of Ferrero Rocher that puts it over the top, in my opinion. Different strokes for different folks!
LondonHyena ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:53:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, the white ones I admit are quite nice, with the coconut. So not -all- bad.
unpickedusername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I like those too, but I'm most partial to the original.
Mackem101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:31:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"But ambassador, with these Ferrero Roche you are really spoiling us"
That advert used to annoy the shit out of me, as if an ambassador is going to serve them at a proper posh reception.
LondonHyena ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:38:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure, if I was an ambassador, that would be a declaration of war to be served those monstrosities.
hmkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What is wrong with you?
Dragon_Whiskers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:33:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
pepsi
DishRags ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:38:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Warm and flat.
softnsensualrape ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:36:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of spicy foods and liquor, but only 1-ply toilet paper in the bathrooms.
jumbotron9000 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:45:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you have irritable bowels, this sounds like a bad dinner party you threw yourself.
Thefriendlypsycho ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:01:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cereal as the starter main course and desert.
PM_Me_Rude_Haiku ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:51:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Are we talking different cereals or the same cereal x3? Because if it's the first, I could go for that. I pick a light muesli to start, a substantial bowl of Allbran for mains, and probably a bowl of froot loops for dessert.
Does that 'mwah' thing with fingers
ericstern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I raise you Saltine crackers for all meals with last years expired egg nog for drinks, nobody will want to drink that, and everybody is going to be coughing up saltine powder
Shaysdays ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:23:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Salmon, celery, and leeks inside a cilantro Jello mold, a liver pate with Cheeze Whz and saltines, and terribly misunderstood Bloody Mary's where I swapped the tomato juice and hot sauce ratios. For dessert- vegan flan!
Raven_Skyhawk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:44:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds legitimately terrible and nasty lol. High five for being evil!
missxalice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:03:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Italian bread made by people who aren't Italian bread bakers
phill0406 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:12:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Subway catered it.
I_make_things ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:27:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tofu.
inthesandtrap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:40:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody shit in the punchbowl.
lemonhead75 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:59:13 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
An inadequate amount of undercooked Spaghetti, paired with straight out of the bad Dole Leafy Greens (the most disappointing kind of salad). I don't use dressing, therefore I will provide none. And a bag of slightly overcooked Tyson chicken nuggets. For beverages I have sparkling grape juice and a $7 bottle of Moscato. The table cloth is actually a bedsheet, the napkins are repurposed newspaper trimmings, and the entire place is covered with my tears.
SlipperyAxe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Dick at the head of the table
jumbotron9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:42:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He'd actually probably provide pretty good refreshments, just no dinner.
Fady180 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Raisins. The only food is Raisins.
votchamacallit_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But there Natures candy
masterax2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing, due to the fact that I just ate your eyes.
Deano0608 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My mother in law
LachlantehGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No pizza.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Off-brand Ritz. A bowl of burnt Velveeta. Grapes.
Forgotpwordyetagain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A 10 foot statue of a penguin that only dispenses ice, or a rug that only sorta ties the room together.
EvanFistfight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody.
taichi_duck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No beer.
BrainDisorder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
In order to get in to the dinner party you'll have to amputate your most efficient hand and put a ghost pepper chili down your underwear. Also there's just menus of the food, no one will come and serve it and the forks and knives will break in half whenever you grab them with your now only hand.
Mistersinister1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Speech by kanye west
eobversion1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Kirk Van Houten
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Man... so, I once hosted this party and I made a cheese plate, and only one other person showed up so we each ate like two pounds of cheese and watched youtube videos until he left.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What breed of cheese?
hungry4pie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A thermomix demonstration dinner
tlor12ify ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Vegetarian sausage rolls.
AbsurdlyParadoxical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit. That was today..?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me standing at the door with a puzzled look because the dinner party is next week isn't it?
Dunt_Cestroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Kenny G. playing soothingly over the speakers just a little bit too loud.
zebraandgiraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A roll of toilet paper to use for napkins, paper towels, dish rags, and to dry your hands.
KingLowBalls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No dinner.
PheroGnome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Asparagus
kernunnos77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Crackers without cheese.
Illogical_Blox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No plates.
ColsonIRL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I put everyone in charge of a different responsibility. Just make sure Jerry doesn't go anywhere near the music.
I need you to stand by the fish tank and make sure no one taps on the glass.
dylan2451 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to ask you to say Grace. Not really disappointing, but I can't be the only one who feels awkward when told that the guest says grace.
Also you have to sir through by timeshare presentation.
AndreasVIking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
no alcohol, only the cheepest juice in the store and milk.
Oh-Comely ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone gets grits with not enough water mixed in, and cold water to drink so you won't be tempted to mix that in or else you'll get nasty ass cold grits.
inserthumourousname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Expect everything you've ever dreamed of! I guarantee you'll be disappointed...
fromundathebridge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Buzzkillington
Assupoika ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You enter the living room only to discover table full of tupperware. Fuck tupperware "dinner parties".
IHazMagics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh umm, hey guys. Sorry you caught me short notice... Um... I just need to head to the sho- Oh, don't worry about it... Ok, I have this one bag of doritos. You don't mind plain yeah? Sorry, no dip. Umm, I've got a half drunk flat lemonade that I've left out of the fridge for 2 days... So ummm..... How's the divo-uh... How's things?"
Cleverly_Clearly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Beets.
outerdrive313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Black guy here.
No music.
eudamme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There aren't enough good chairs so a few guests will sit on indoor plastic chairs.
It's cold enough to take notice, but no one complains.
The appetiser is pea soup which tastes funky.
The main course looks presented good but is actually something you don't lik as well as like warm.
Dessert is a soggy tiramisu.
AlostDinosaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Donald trump
raw031979b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Luke warm meatloaf, lumpy mashed potatoes, and powdery gravy.
disposablechild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can expect Lady Gaga to play, but since this is the world's most disappointing dinner party, when you get there Gigi Allen is standing on the table screaming and throwing shit at everyone.
CarpetsMatchDrapes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The musical accompaniment is one man with an out of tune accordion and a bad cough
Wild_Marker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I promise you all a copy of Half Life 3, bought from uPlay.
MalformedPacket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Musical entertainment by Nickleback
Seitzman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That ex that you hate so much.
Brodoof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Flavourless chicken
Geefers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Brian, Chad, and Karen.
lurker_spine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Invites list all the stuff from this guy's post: https://www.reddit.com/r/food/comments/3s0bi8/hosted_a_charcuterie_party_at_our_farm_last_night/
All that to eat and a cool live musical performance. You arrive, take your seats at the nice tables. The food & drinks are announced to be served after a short music intro.
Then the curtain falls and you get a live performance of this guy.
Ah, no food or drinks. Also parking was not allowed and all your cars were towed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nancy Grace will definitely be there. With sparkling.
tekomuto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My Son.
ConconW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP's mom
Borg-Man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Plastic cutlery and plates, ofcourse. And LED candles instead of actual ones. Wine? Here, have this lemonade. And please have a seat on these Ikea folding chairs. And ofcourse that's real chicken. You just didn't ask where I got it from...
gnerfed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well my father can expect to see that I failed my classes.
WillowHope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The location is a fancy manor house, through the windows you can see a banquet table full of all the best foods, all looking stunning, the decor is perfection and you can spot quite a few celebrities dotted around the room. You're honored that I chose to invite you, and you can't wait to get inside.
You walk up to the old wooden door and knock but instead of the thud you were expecting, it sounds hollow - you don't think too much into it, your excitement has literally taken over at this point. Upon entering, you can see that the lighting, which you thought was fancy chandeliers and candles, is in fact coming from lighting rigs in the ceiling - no biggie, you think, probably just give off a more ambient look or something. However, the decor is quite obviously fake, whatever, maybe it was too expensive to restore, and come to think of it, the layout of the rooms makes no sense at all; most don't even have four walls and a door. Renovations, you suppose, though you are growing a little suspicious.
Annoyed at the apparent facade, you move through to the dining room and notice that the celebrities you thought you saw don't look quite right somehow. Bravely greeting one of them by name, you quickly realize it's just a bunch of lookalikes. As it dawns on you that the evening is almost a total bust you decide to grab some of the perfectly cooked food, down some alcohol and get the hell out of there. You proudly swipe a bottle of bubbly without being noticed but upon your first sip you realize it's just sparking water, what the f...
You're so beyond not amused at this point so just make a grab for the finger food, which, as you try and prize it off the plate, you notice is plastic and glued down. You're so done.
Then you catch sight of me in the corner and give me a deathstare to end all deathstares as I explain that I've invited you to a film set, we're making a crappy TV movie that will likely never see the light of day and you're an extra, that will probably be cut and wouldn't be credited anyway.
I am now off your Christmas card list, but it was so worth it to see the multiple looks of disappointment.
Dirtpig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chevy Chase is there telling "The Aristocrats" joke from beginning to end. Pretty much a true story.
v-reddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Used condoms
NippleChan69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The portions of food are tiny.
ChiengBang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We're here to commemorate.... Your abortion
Cabone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. You will not be amused.
Matilda__Wormwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The food is actually fantastic and smells tantalizing - but we can't eat until Kanye West finishes his speech.
shayagreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Beans on toast.
TheLikeGuys3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Quiche
thuglifecarlo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
CLG and TSM
ConnectionIssues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Because you won't be there. Nobody will. It's one of MY parties, and nobody comes to my parties.
truthsyoudontlike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Non-alcoholic beer, imitation crab, imitation salmon, fat free everything, hard candy, pineapple anchovies pizza from Dominoes, the flimsiest paper plates manufactured by man...AAAAAAAAAAND a presentation for AmWay.
kalechipsyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This monstrosity.
VanillaVeku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Potato salad
PurpleCapybara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jello. Mold. Smorgasbord.
More ox tongue anyone?
Igotyourpiece ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No People
DnD_Rogue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hype it up super hard, we're talking air balloons with a performance of cirque du elai or whatever with enormous screens for video games and a reservation for the movies a day later. An hour before the party I'd cancel it.
deiam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That was tonight? Shiiiiit.
REB3LxSOUL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Breakfast
RyantheAustralian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not much, tbh. Oh, and I forgot to do a dessert
frzr-csgo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
you must pray before your meal, It's Friday we must eat fish, and if you aren't catholic you will be sacrificed.
Lookbehindyouthereis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Invite people to have dinner with the president, get people to turn up at the whitehouse where they are redirected to a nearby hotel because of "security and culinary reasons". Once the unsuspecting but slightly miffed attendees arrive at said hotel and are all sat down waiting the big man himself to turn up, when a small, balding man in a ill fitting cheap brown suit stands up and with the world's nasalyiest voice stands up and starts making the following speech "as many of you know i have been the president of the international society of ancient roman copper thimbles for some time...".
Rodents210 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Surstrรถmming disguised as various non-Surstrรถmming foods.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think this might belong on /r/writingprompts
For my two cents: Nobody. You've laid out all the food, cooked all day... nobody showed up.
kainprime82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The food is Kid Cuisines, those terrible frozen TV dinners. It's only partially heated though, still frozen in the middle. And they aren't the ones with the good dessert.
gsauce8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Steak made from Kobe beef...cooked to well done.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food. Fruitcake. 3 dollar charge for said fruit cake. Also there will be no entertainment. Eating utensils are an additional 2 dollars.
Orator223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There are not enough chairs for everyone to sit down and cold biscuits and gravy are the main course
garbeldunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your name is Michael Scott; Jan is going mad; Jim and Pam are silently awkward; Angela and Andy are on an early date; Dwight shows up with his cousin later.
We've seen this before Ricky, don't brag
Siegfried262 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Richmond.
Orphancurber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No booze
draoekade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not much
sparkleytophat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Little Caesars.
BoxofLazers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Children, no booze.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just me and a birthday cake.......alone.........again.
sigh
WaterStoryMark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone orders pizza. With vegetables on it.
thehoneytree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When guests first walk in, they see me, sitting on the couch in my underwear. I haven't bathed in two weeks and completely forgot I was hosting this stupid party tonight.
Your dinner is whatever crumbs you can scrounge up from the month's worth of empty Cheetos bags. For drinks, whatever is left in the three dozen cans of Mountain Dew I bought last week. For dessert, we all split a couple of Andes Mints I found in a coat pocket.
Entertainment will be me telling super inaccurate plots to famous movies.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure about the meal but Ill be pants less, because then my disappointment will be hanging out with us.
jamesvreeland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Poorly washed, sandy spinach salad.
chavez232 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A Swedish UN representative, 2 German assassins, a prostitute, 2 American spies, several idiots, a mad scientist, an elderly British cannibal valet, and a rug. Edit: almost forgot the Gravlax!
degrapher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
Prokle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You will be greeted by my most ambitious and enthusiastic little brother who will be handing out glasses of robbie bubble so old, it's out of gas. The dining room will be filled with old people you don't know, each one of them eager to tell you about their life. But no one is interesting. The buffet contains a large variety of beautifully arranged, delicious looking, microwaved, cold, overcooked, mushy dishes, each one of them completly without any flavor.
The band is playing their repertoire of 4 songs, a mix of country and german Schlager, as well as one can perform with 3 hours practice, trying to involve the guests with cringy puns and inappropriate comments.
Oh, and the lead singer is your dad. And he's drunk.
At last, a very entertaining speech from an older gentleman who knows how to describe every detail of his daily routine.
Meanwhile my brother, still handing out more robbie bubble, slips and grabs you mid-fall, ruining your coat and bruising your ankle.
Qieth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can expect to see all you want, it's not happening!
HispanicPanic00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lunch.
najalitis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Disappointed people.
TheHorsesWhisper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bono.
Serenekitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Its potluck style, and I dont make any food or drinks since I supplied the house. Everyone brings only snacks like chips and veggies.
spasticpoodle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
People with health conditions, and the inability to speak about anything other than said conditions.
Attainable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie Brown
JokklMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me
elyisgreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody. The party doesn't exist...
:(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You
PolkaDotsandPenguins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Banquet tv dinners
MattTheFlash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Thank you for meeting me here at The Olive Garden....."
piclemaniscool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
$100,000 entrance fee for the amazing opportunity for all lonely individuals to be matched with the perfect love of their lives.
Sorry, guys, couldn't get the hosting foundation to allow unisex seating. I'm afraid you will all have to eat here, your dates are all in the other room. No you can't visit them.
Fl0wSt3p ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Counter Logic Gaming making a guest appearance.
gesy17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The people of walmart
LavaMeteor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Donald trump is a guest!
and you're bringing your own beer
insulanus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fondue fountains that look like chocolate, but are overcooked brown gravy. A soup tureen full of chopped raw onions and tasteless broth. Appetizers: warm tarantula with aspic. Jellied gizzards.
Sayuu89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A potluck where no one actually brings anything.
Efpophis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This thread.
Indian_villager ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Open the door in my boxers and tell you that you are a day late.
ChainBlue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The 2016 Republican Presidential candidates.
TheSupersmurf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Under-cooked pizza rolls in a bed of rotten spinach leaves surrounding a ham with a dick drawn on its head.
Oh and you have to dress formal.
jojotoughasnails ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dessert is oatmeal raisin cookies.
only-the-lonely ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me, apparently
rockmasterflex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hologram of Jar Jar Binks takes your order, explains the dinner specials, and does the Applebee's thing of recommending a drink for you to get.
And its at Applebee's.
ThisIsTrauma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well, certainly not dinner
durdurdurdurdurdur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Knock-off-Oreos for dessert! Delicious!
Zahne1977 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Surprise veganism.
zaturama015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hillary Clinton
TJ_McWeaksauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nathan Fielder throws the most disappointing parties. So I would expect to see him and his favorite Bill Gates impersonator running the show.
electron_beam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I announce that we will have entertainment during dinner. Carrot Top walks out on the stage, and he seems to have forgotten to bring his props with him.
Klaurtraum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump
BradC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Moss, Roy, and Richmond.
khodor2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
1d songs as music
DanThePenguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Buffalo chicken dip is offered but they forgot to add the buffalo sauce.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP.
29at_the_end29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pepsi products
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
ex_jw1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone asking "Window wipers what's the strangest thing you have witnessed while on the job?"
shulk_rotmg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Scotland.
4floorsofwhores ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sausage
Razenghan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry folks, that was a typo. Welcome to my 3rd annual sinner party. We'll start redeeming your soul with a reading from Leviticus. Grace, will you start us off please?
SusieSuze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
McDonald's take out bags at each place setting.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the food has been homemade from the host's best family recipes, and served on his favorite dishes.
The catch: the host is a hoarder.
boxhead1911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
not dinner
nanogoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. Why don't you have a seat over there."
Theo_Dice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't get a DJ so a pair of girls nobody seems to know rises to the challenge. One hijacks the aux cord and abruptly shuffles through Iggy Azalea tracks. The other finds a banana and uses it to try and rap the lyrics to/with/at the other guests. You try to be nice and smile at her to commend her efforts, but she misread it, and now she's only performing Iggy Azalea songs with you. And the banana mic, of course.
To make matters worse, you don't know any of her songs, and anytime she shoves the banana mic in your face and you don't know the words, she'll put on an Australian accent and yell something like "what's the matter with you, you odd koala!" You try to text your ride to pick you up early, but the banana mic bumps your phone out of your hand and the screen breaks upon falling.
dogfish83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dinner for Schmucks was a great movie.
UrNotFly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A mirror.
ilikeu_doyoulikeme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Toby
BloodPolska ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Any toronto team sorry not sorry
justbflat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
Puskock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When you're at the party and your doctor texts you telling you that you have terminal guch cancer. You call your wife about it and she doesn't even care. You decide to go and grab a choc chip muffin to ease the pain. You take one bite and spit it out immediately! Raisins......
Aragatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone trying to get me to invest in her candle company.
iDuLicious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
it wasnt actually a dinner party its a nickelback listening party with no food
thecasualcaucasian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Finger food made out of real fingers.
Lim_Dul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All your exes and crushes with their significantly hotter than you partners.
Early70sEnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Liver and onions as the main entrรฉe with MD20/20 as the pairing wine.
newsagg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:01:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm down as long as it's orange flavor.
NessieMonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food.
derp_hankford ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
An open bar serving only non-alcoholic drinks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody. Nobody shows up. That's pretty disappointing.
Nogginalizer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone gets a plus one, but the original folks cancelled. It's just you and everybody's friend that you don't know.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Meatloaf is already cold and someone decided to spill their drink (sorry, it's water) all over the bowl of fresh baked rolls. It was salvageable till someone's child steals the stick of butter and tries to eat it, then vomiting all over the table when they try to get it down. And all you can do is watch in horror as you realize you cannot possibly pull your chair out in time watching the gooey puddle spread out over the freshly polished cherrywood, circle around your dinner plate, and drip with the sound of a clogged rain gutter emptying onto hard cement.
msctex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
An Arby's catering truck outside.
pope0476 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's a starving African child in the corner and the party is being held for his village. No matter what you or the people in your dinner party pledge to feed his village, there will be someone there who doesn't get enough food and dies.
NiceFormBro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate
fredrikpedersen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Scott
Pak1nFudge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:21 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Having Adam Sandler playing both versions of himself from Jack and Jill
Exsous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Velveeta and Saltines
turned_into_a_newt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Periodontist John Voight.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me. I'm the disappointmentsorry
dubizubi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
non veg meal for vegetarian guests
Paul978 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fyra
ChimpChief59 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not Fallout 4
Tjmachado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you, OP! What else?
But also, they have this massive fancy cake on display... And only for display. You get to eat a plain Vanilla sheet cake with too much icing and dry cake.
Bumbletrees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Start off with a great meal, but for desserts you get raisin cookies but I'll tell you they're chocolate chip.
crunchletsupreme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
There are tortilla chips. BUT NO SALSA!
Blu3j4y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hot Pockets and store-brand cola.
Hauvegdieschisse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The food has been thoroughly washed immediately before serving.
Volntyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My wife
timtheancient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Little Caesar's pizza, no crazy bread mind you. And warm cans of diet Sierra Mist.
earclops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No dinner
OldBeforeHisTime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That would be me, sitting alone, staring at a list of ignored invitations. :)
Thinnestspoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think I actually went to the most disappointing party. It was a New Year's Eve party held by a friend of my best friend. I thought it was a PARTY. It was a sombre family get together. I didn't know the family and I arrived on Ketamine.
Cornelius176 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly what you would expect.
not_a_gun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Basically everything from this episode of office
Alonminatti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Empty, just like my Bar Mitzvah...
It blew
A lot...
nippydumplings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Doctor Frasier Crane.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Absoloutley nothing
undertheoverpass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
SilentTeller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My father...
Orallung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Any of my older relatives would be pretty disappointing
"Oh Grandma.. you always know what not to say"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Post-dinner snacks adorn the table. In the middle, there is a bowl filled with crisps. (potato chips)
You put your hand in the bowl, grab a few crisps, and begin eating.
Oh, God no...
All of the crisps are different flavours.
jakkobi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jar jar binks!
SamuraiJakkass86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone here not heard "the good news"?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"healthy" food
JutkuTheGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me, just me. Because at least to my father I am the worlds biggest disappointment.
JovialMobile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nonalcoholic drinks bottled as alcohol
Iwestcwz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Something Something Half life 3
BiblePolice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The office had an episode about this
yummyyummybrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh! I've actually been to that. They served:
Walmart brand Manger's Special French bread
Generic brand olive oil in a saucer
That's it
MacAwesomesauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hold a party to celebrate the release of a video game, only invite people who have no interest in video games. Wait...
JGatz7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A repeat of the dinner on snl last week
thebochman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
room temperature sushi
Onlynatalie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fire eaters who can't find a lighter
TheConfirminator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Circus Peanuts. Nothing but Circus Peanuts.
I_AM_METALUNA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing but veggie hot pockets
Doctor_Reynolds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My university's dining hall food
hetero-apple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This thread.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP's mom's roast beef.
tfinniga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The actor who played the most interesting man in the world is there, but all he wants to talk about is his experience teaching drama classes.
avantgardeaclue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's the one person with the palate of a toddler and won't eat anything.
There is sushi but its only those crappy California rolls with imitation crab from 7/11.
MisterWoodhouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The devs behind the latest Duke Nukem
digitwasp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No dinner.
-Shirley- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's rather what you are not going to see thats disappointing. I will call it the "Dinner Party for Time travelers"
or the dinner party for powerful politicans that really are on your side. (Bernie sanders doesn't count yet..)
tomholder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, wait, wait - has anyone stopped to ask why we're trying to hold such a disappointing dinner party?
dirtyword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Broth.
ILikeAntiquesOkay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Taylor Swift and nickelback will be performing before a four corse meal of rice and gelatin dishes are served
Ebriate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Invite Ted Nugent and his entire crew of hunting buddies. Serve a completely vegetarian meal.
MyKDsBiggerThanYours ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
you
bury_the_boy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP
CaliMade19XX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jeff Ross
Rootkit9208 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
man-of-God-1023 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not dinner, that's for sure.
Darktidemage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't this a movie?
sandman730 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oatmeal Raisin Cookies for dessert.
bobofeen007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me, alone, surrounded by mountain of fresh food, drinking a glass my own tears as I realise I told everyone it was next week.
timawesomeness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Twemlow
redkeith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We'll marathon every single Adam Sandler movie.
almostnout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt loves to tell this story about my other aunt...
Late 80's my mum and 3 of her siblings had all emigrated but were living relatively close to each other, my aunt decides to throw a dinner party, made a huge deal about it, invited the siblings and their partners (none had kids at the time) and one or two friends like 2 weeks in advance, gushes about what she'll wear etc,. Understandably everyone is expecting a rather fancy affair considering her enthusiasm. They all arrive in their finery with bottles of wine and she's there boiling hot dogs. And that was all they had, plain hot-dogs. She's never lived it down.
Electroguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Steakums and ramen noodles...
BlueAlligator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My penis.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chris Hansen invites you to take a seat right here...
MyUsernameWillBe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cold coffee after dessert.
LFC-23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
heisenberg802 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My sex life.
Punchingblagh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:43 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My parents.
Didymos_Black ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Dick on quaaludes is the entertainment. I can't imagine anything more disappointing than that.
VOMIT_ON_MY_DICK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well, certainly not dinner.
foofan92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:00 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No dip.
Tokemon_and_hasha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Couple of guys in the corner sitting on the floor playing yu gi oh, 2 asscracks showing, uncle molesto hitting the booze and maybe cocaine a little too hard, auntie desperate blimping around trying to entice the male and a couple female guests to let her "show theym a guud taiyme" youngly wed couple converving loudly about how improbable it is they met at cross fit and how they BOTH own food processors, cousin liberal arts degree talking about how the soggy tacos are culturally insensitive AND how they erase his vegan identity, gramma confederacy scowling and talking about the "damn messikins and negroes" in her gated community, brother successful is drawling about Harvard and Yale and the sexual assault charges he dodged and then there's a fucking dead dog in the salad.
chuckymcgee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nicholas Cage serving plates upon plates of different appetizers and entrees. As you look carefully though, you realize all of the dishes served on modern square plates are really just different cuts of hot dogs. Hot dogs sliced lengthwise, diced, chopped, pureed. And different condiments draped over them to try and artistically disguise the fact that this is all the same dish. Ketchup, French's god awful yellow mustard, tomato sauce, black pepper, mysterious orange sauce...oh wait he just blended the mustard and ketchup.
At the same time, Cage appears totally oblivious to this sameness. Is he not aware? Did the catering company mess up? Has he lost a lot of money?
zedisbread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
red hot chili peppers and arcade fire play are playing for the entertainment and all grew a mustache similar to Hitler's.
g2f1g6n1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
bo bridges, stephen baldwin, jim belushi, cody walker, rob kardashian (hell, any kardashian or jenner, really. they are all mosters), richmond arquette, andrew wilson.
you get the idea
HelRayzer12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I envision a party similar to that of The Great Gatsby; put me in a huge mansion, have waiter's treating all the guests, beautiful weather, me in my finest suit, champagne everywhere, loud music so everyone can dance. Now take everyone else out... just me and the waiters. Yeah good time!
Zanlios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
no dinner, just desserts made of natto.
LtWorf_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My guests are from Portugal. I see nobody. I eat alone. I go to bed. When I'm well into my sleep my dorbell rings and those motherfuckers want food and entertainment.
Ferguson97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone came expecting an orgy, but it's just a regular dinner party.
barryhachet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Flavor ice
wafflemanfuzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It features a broken glass door, a cracked flat screen tv, and a smashed dundy award.
John_Fx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Poi fountain instead of chocolate.
BigMax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Host and hostess are clearly mad at each other for... something. They greet guests with hostility, and are constantly saying things like "John, why don't you offer to get some drinks for our guests? Oh, that's right, because you FORGOT TO GO TO THE STORE LIKE I ASKED."
"Why should I offer drinks Jenny? These are YOUR FRIENDS, NOT MINE!"
"I know we were supposed to eat at 7, but it won't be until 9 now. Guess who forgot to put the roast in the oven?"
sassage_flare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
jleastin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
From How I Met Your Mother, Marshall's mom's 7 layer dip or however many layers of mayo, chips and candy it was.
ABCEasyAsDoReMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:08 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fake stuff. The cutlery, the dishware, even the tables and chairs. The worst part about it is that they look pretty real so any time someone goes to go take a bite of the grapes, they're horribly disappointed
They0001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
catering by walmart.
Pm_me_what ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No dinner.
Quilled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A 7 year old that has started to learn to play the violin, a pyramid scheme, an amateur theater troupe that plays out a crime from the 1800s and there is no alcohol.
Mr_Kool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not food.
mikeyBikely ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As always, an empty chair where my father should be.
Bored_Office_Girl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No guests...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Rice
bubblenose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sure as hell not going to see any food. While you had been saving your appetite all day.
Phonascus13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The Republican candidates. Hey-o!
dripless_cactus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As a vegetarian, most dinner parties would probably disappoint me, unless the host/chef really knew how to accommodate or were vegetarians themselves. (I have actually been to a vegan party - not very formal though, and it was awesome.)
ST8R ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a Midwest pot luck, so all the salads are made with mayonnaise, Cool Whip, and Jell-O.
8bitslime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Boiled hotdogs, not grilled.
lambda26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Saltine crackers, ketchup, and stale dollar store "lemon - lime" soda
lewko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jan Levinson plays "That One Night" by her former assistant, Hunter.
Hautla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A severe lack of alcohol and a bunch of boring people asking what I do for a living.
Azarix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Walls are too thick for cellular, and there is no WiFi
Marauder777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Gilbert Godfrey, Pauly Shore, Rodney Dangerfield, and yourself. Dinner is exactly three burnt meatballs, a fillet of fish that is past its prime, and Tab soda.
Beat_the_Deadites ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Popcorn and toast served by a beagle. A chaise lounge that will kick your ass. A depressed bald kid who can't even kick a football.
Djiri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Expect everything. Get nothing. Congratulations, you have been disappointed
pieman121113 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
According to my parents, my grades :(
IGuessItsMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP's mom. Everyone's already had her, and it turns out no one wants seconds.
piratekingbilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The Force Awakens
2GabbasHey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tino's pizza. With little bits of "cheeze" still frozen. And RC cola.
dbomb123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP.
Grahmuell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Raisin cookies for dessert.
DenovCroutons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Cohen, A-Ha, Praz, and the Bahamen are your dinner guests
omegaaf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:37:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No dinner, no party, just you in your underwear crying over a keyboard.
vadermonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This premise
doctorpotterhead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dry ramen noodles, tortilla chips that have had all the salt licked off, and a single can of whole anchovies. With really chlorinated tap water. No ice
watergate_1983 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
baked chicken
spokenscreams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a party for the blind and they are playing charades.
yrogerg123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Well, it's in my apartment right now. I don't clean it, I don't change a thing. There's dirty laundry everywhere. The stove doesn't work. I haven't cleaned in weeks (okay...months). There's a sleeping bag on my couch because that's where I've been sleeping, and I leave it there. The cushions are on top of the sleeping bag because I put them on my computer chair to sleep and then throw them on the couch during the day. The table is small and covered in empty plastic bags and random papers. There are no chairs. There's not enough space for more than one person to sit anyway. I would have to move the couch to make space but I don't. I don't have any money so I have the guests order their own food and pay for it. They cannot bring ingredients and cook for themselves because the oven doesn't work either.
Basically, the worst possible dinner party is me deciding to invite a bunch of people to where I live and force them to live the way I do.
FearAndLawyering ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump.
TheJJonahJameson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me, that's disappointing enough.
lucasmate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The dinner party over which fallout 4's release is canceled. Pretty sure that takes the cake, but oh, right, there is no cake tonight.
Rawbbeh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My high school aged self showing up.
LordskulldeR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Just one chair in the middle of a room.
quintinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Canned cheese, pickled meat, and boxes of wine.
fantumn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lunch.
DeathStarJedi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Joe Flacco
Skrp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the food looks delicious, but is actually just plastic props.
The entertainment is my family photo albums.
The only music is the same song playing on repeat, as part of the poorly made powerpoint slideshow montage showing the photos.
Icronics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Gary Busey.
dougsbeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ring Dings & Pepsi
belgiumhadgeese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The food will be vegan.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the roll out party horns have holes in the paper and don't unroll when you blow it. The horn also just utters a sad squeak.
Squirrella ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Certainly not any food whatsoever.
Henrey470129 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No dinner
Wizecheezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:39 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A fondant machine that doesn't work
GroknikTheGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can expect to see everything there!
But there is nothing.
darkstalker__kaathe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're the only one that showed up, the food is sparse and overcooked. I'm not much for small talk and there's no cable.
PM_ME_UR_BOOTY_LADY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
Tephlon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You get dropped off by a friend of yours who says: "if you need to get out of there just text me and I'll pick you up, I'm about 15 minutes away".
As you walk in you see that one of the couples consist of an ex of yours and their new partner.
The second couple consists of the ex of another ex, the one that your ex broke up with to be with you.
A third couple consists of your current "friend with benefits" and their partner that they swore they had broken up with.
The only person your age โand who is very attractiveโ calls themselves Storm and has somehow convinced your hosts to switch to an all vegan menu at the last minute.
The hired cook quit on the spot so the hosts are now scrambling to make vegan entrees. They're awesome at grilling steaks and their cheesecake is famous, but they didn't plan on making those today, so they are actually missing some crucial ingredients. And they don't want to upset "Storm".
Meanwhile Storm started a monologue about alternative medicine, chakras, holistic healing and vaccination.
You get a text from your ride to say that they unfortunately parked on the wrong street and got towed, so "if you could take a cab that would be awesome. "
Mother_Cunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone bought potato salad, even the host.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:16 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
me/u/mrboombastic123WildStallyns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a fairly nice place and everyone seems pretty amiable. But I come out dressed in an undersized tuxedo (including tail) with notecards in my hands for all you guests. I yell into the kitchen for my mother (obviously, I still live with her) to please bring in the Cheese Nips (everyone hates Cheez-Its half-baked cousin) as well as the Diet Pepsi. I then hand out the notecards and everyone immediately notices the title - CONVERSATIONAL ICEBREAKER NUMBER 1: Go Around the room pretending you are a famous person. Have a guest try to guess who you are.
Mattmock1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Micheal scott
krnichin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Snookie
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Dick.
TheRealSilverBlade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A sign on the door saying 'Dinner Party Cancelled"
molovin3k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
i came here to laugh but now i just feel lifeless and inconvenienced
Kiwi_the_Magnificent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A kid who has never seen a potato.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Lots of awesome food, live entertainment, and no people. It's mostly disappointing for me
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It would be pretty damn disappointing if there was no dinner, and I can't cook, so yeah, that.
aggron306 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The starter is stale cheap bread with nothing else
The main course is microwave meals because he doesn't know how to cook
The dessert is some old donuts he found in his car
WeRtheBork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:22 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It was yesterday, sorry.
Whyisthisnottakenm8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Dick
Chr15py0696 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sir Buzz Killington
bbbladerz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
my hilarious jokes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me
hamgina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This guy
shine-on-Diamondeyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:56 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jan and Michael Scott
843_beardo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
me
InstantPruneJuice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:05 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You won't see anything there because you won't be there.
The dinner party doesn't exist.
The dinner party is a lie.
janvarr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP.
Abadatha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
English cuisine, Irish whiskey and Jamaican dance hall music. The theme is oppression in the 19th century. Everyone is in black face.
FranceisBakin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Candy corn covered rice patties
SuperCrusader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
your friend tells you that there are going to be lots of friends,you think he means you two's friends,while all the people there are his/her friends.
MiserableThinBelgian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP's Mom
bigbadbru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me :(
polloretardo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Durian fruit, hakarl, and surstromming on the menu.
MarsSpaceship ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:49 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
politicians
VorticalHydra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:24 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This hanging on the wall.
Rytho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
Fedupandlost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The finest kobe beef, cooked well done.
ice_cream_fiend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well you end up forgetting hats so create ones from newspaper instead. Putting each of the guests initials on each one. Nibbles. Go to get the twiglets and you've only got one left. Shit. Ooo there's a tree outside. Snap a couple of twigs off and put marmite on them. That's all twiglets are anyway. That will be fine. Wine. Uuummm there's enough for me but no one else. This vinegar looks like wine. Put some sugar in it and it will be the same thing right?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
nothing
ImAFrenchCanadian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My Family.
Baneofneckbeards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You were promised lutefisk, but received a man named Fisk playing the lute, and SPAM sandwiches.
swordsandspikes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Basically a replica of Michael Scott and Jan's dinner party in the episode, "Dinner Party."
idaho22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Drake dancing?
canuckforlife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley on repeat...
AnalTyrant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'll just order a bunch of Domino's pizza. If you have functional taste buds, you'll be disappointed.
PM_ME_UR_SAMPLES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:09 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
For the last few months I've been eating pistachios and saving the 2-3 unopenable ones from each bag in a container, specifically for this party.
TampaBae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dissapointment
Eagle_Peak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just me
ChasingDarwin2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Comcast streamed copy of Pixels playing.....fuck it, Adam Sandler marathon minus happy Gilmour and Billy Maddison.
jimhooker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The 2015 49ers
Novaraa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
fake food, plastic food from a kids kitchen set to be exact lol
KXS_TuaTara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There are loads of chocolate chip cooki- wait, those are raisins D:<
MetalManII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hot dogs only slightly warm, so that the exterior is warm and the center is cold, with smushed buns and running low on condiments. Also only room temperature water is available in those paper cups you see in waiting rooms
michmallow07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My friend says she's bringing a celebrity date. She arrives with Gary Busey.
TacoPower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It look like normal thankgiving dinner, but when check turkey and food all is raisin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Probably green bean casserole
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:03 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A Scientology booth.
Casus125 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Saltines and water.
SonOfTheViral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:40 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody.
Pick234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:10 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A locked empty safe with the keys missing
Ron_Textall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:07 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Dick.
Bigbadabooooom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Most disappointing dinner party? That would have to be non-alcoholic in which you have Mormons come in and do a little talk to all the guests.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Those cheese and onion rolls that look like sausage rolls.
voileauciel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Store brand crackers, flat generic cola, wilted salad, and half an apple.
AKR44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My family. Talking about religion and politics. And they're all conservative fundy Christians.
KFCNyanCat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:19:57 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's better than a mix of conservative fundy Christians and "ban all religion" people. That would end violently.
UndiesinEngland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:06 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not me.
cassyt1970 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:31 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Breakfast
OhTheHueManatee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I would tell people about the party but totally under sell it. Make it seem like they'll be like off brand mac & cheese, quiche and other assortments of non enjoyable food so almost nobody would show up. Then I'd have the best food I could provide meticulously prepared so it's fabulous. Afterwards I'd let everyone know how grand of a dinner party is was so everyone who didn't show up would disappointed. Then the next dinner party I'd throw would be deliberately awful and would certainly have quiche.
DD225 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:02 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A seat reserved for Andy Kaufman.
TURD_ON_LIPS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:33 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
limited breadsticks
KFCNyanCat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:27 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cheap, non-alcoholic beer and wine. Not enough food for everyone. Burnt Mac & Cheese. Dry Mashed Potatoes. Undercooked Turkey. Militant Christians, Militant Wiccans, and Militant Atheists in the same room. Blurry TV that only gets one channel. No music. Dog eats all of the food.
Mikofthewat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:20 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ben Stein and Odouls,
loganwm97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:38 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Macully kulkins acting career post home alone 2, zune, and adult life
aarovski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:28 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My Penis
youreloser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
Blazethc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:59 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Brox-Obama
PoetsGarden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:17 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing..absolutely nothing
dorian_pavus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Did you try the ham? Tasted of despair. Fascinating.
cheeseburgerwaffles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:26 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=77
Dustoff18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:12 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A suprise celebrity guest...... Tony Danza doing a reboot of Whos the boss
Brewe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:42 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Alcohol free beer/wine and a nice 7 course, gluten free, lactose free, local raw food, vegan, TV-Dinner dinner, with Fair Trade disposable wooden plates and utensils (I've actually eaten at a place with these. The food might have been good, but the utensils made it feel like I was eating cardboard)
bookworm519 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The menu includes: broccoli, liver and onions, brussel sprouts, stuffed cabbage and dessert would be prunes.
Pishwi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:46 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me...
sigh
itsonlythreeyears ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No indoor plumbing. Outhouses only.
smoothisfast22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:35 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Anything from Michael and Jans dinner party.
Start eating around 10.
Besides, in spain they often dont eat until midnight, When in rome.
Took me by the hand!!!!! Made me a man!!!!
RazarTuk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:34 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, I was supposed to cook food?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:13 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
At my dinner party, I've invited a few extra guests without telling you. One is a somewhat backwards old lady - she's openly critical of you and your partner, she thinks it's all a joke, when she's actually just being an old bitch. I've also invited a friend of a friend you secretly think is quite annoying, and they talk to your friend throughout the entire thing so you and your partner are left feeling rather lonely.
There's a cat and a dog inside - it's clear their owners rarely bathe them, you can smell it off the walls. The food is not horrendous, but it's particularly dry and flavourless. To your surprise they're making your favourite desert, although owing to some misfortune, they announce they are unable to prepare it after all.
Narutophanfan1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The sad remnants of my still born social life.
Hardin_of_Akaneia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A frozen pizza.
unnumbered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:41 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Spam and Colgate sandwiches
SlimPikinZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:01 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.
nooneiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:29 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Velveeta.
cmVkZGl0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:47 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ann Coultier getting uppity over her slice of the undercooked turkey dinner.
SLEEPWALKING_KOALA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:15 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Advertise free pizza on the flyer.
There is no free pizza
Go_Pack_Go1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:53 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A dinner for shmucks
mestermichael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP
Vitztlampaehecatl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:03 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing, because I invited you but you didn't come!
bigsparra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just me sitting on an uncarpeted floor eating beans from the tin with a spoon.
Misteroctobers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:58 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A bowl of store brand cheese puffs with neil cavutos hand in them.
Racist_bassist_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:28 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Paul Rudd.
GoredonTheDestroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:51 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing but lube and Bad Dragontm dildos.
dolim224402 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The mints you got at the entrance were hardened globs of toothpaste.
rikjames90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:59 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dinner for schmucks
alicesuiteheart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Stale bread on paper plats, wine that expired in 2004 and 25 other guests you don't know.
Weirdguy149 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The background music is faint music from the 50's, the food's stale, and the only one dancing is drunk off his ass.
boogertits_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:44 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hunt's Ketchup.
dannylr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:30 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
http://m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/1643488
diaper_fetish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:08 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Turkey and steak that's 100% gristle.
NPPraxis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Myself as the only person at the table.
I'd be pretty disappointed.
tTnarg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:15 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can expect to see Scarlett Johansson, no sorry, you just missed her.
poltergoose420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OPs mom
RufusSaltus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All the bottles are actually Welch's sparkling grape juice and the hora d'oeuvres are an already open box of Hydrox and some grapes that are past their prime, but not yet raisins.
Kindofaniceguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Grilled cheese made with cheeze wiz and served with generic broth long after both have cooled.
stephwithstars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:38 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Flat champagne.
And the guest bathroom is out of toilet paper.
Apollo3519 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not dinner.
ElishevaGlix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
From real life: Welcome! You can watch our daughter while we just now being preparing our meal of cucumber salad, goose fat butter, orange peels (shit you not), and half a serving of beef for everyone to share.
shikax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:10 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No food.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
my ex
Keetlady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
TV dinners.....like the ten for ten dollars ones at the grocery.
Hellkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Table sex.
Projotce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:36 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're Donald Trump and you accidentally invited the accounting firm that manages your shit.
Ayresx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Diarrhea and tears
Horse_Sized_Duck_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lunch foods
S0cr8t3s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Spam, canned tuna and non-alcoholic beer.
agoia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
shittyfoodporn
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:08 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Barack Obama.
goonin12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:16 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can definitely expect a toast from my parents
_lurk_much_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You really can't wait to try that icecream, you just go for it, but one spoonful in and you realise it's mayonnaise with black olives.
WHEATIESSSS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of steak and chicken, the guests get McDonalds, but there will be no French fries!
funkytownmagic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nick cannon is performing.
crustybusstation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:48 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ethiopian food
AdvancedLvl5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That one friend of a friend who hears about it and invites themselves through your mutual friend and then the rest of you have to endure them. You've never liked them but you're to polite to say no, especially at last minute. There's awkwardness, a general desire to escape every now and then so you don't strangle them, and you can't help but feel the whole night is ruined.
Also: IT Crowd Dinner Party
Lost_in_costco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just me alone, with a six pack of beer and microwavable something or another.
kfly31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:20 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The Dallas Cowboys minus Tony Romo
SonofReason ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
lots and lots of awkward vacation photos
axe_murdererer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:34 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Peanut butter with no jelly. Wine with no corkscrew. Ice cream that has freezer burn.
NeonBiscuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:55 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Bill Buckner
DutchLucario ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:28:57 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All of the food is plastic. Everything else is actually edible, but nobody knows that.
alittlemisspudgy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It will be a host who freaks on everything that he serves as its very embarrassing and you can't focus on food.
MunkeySeeMunkeyDo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:47 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No one
errerrr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:58 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A table of tupperware/scentsy/plexus/cutco and vegan food
PeanutButter707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Every main food is a gluten-free version of something that SHOULD be good, but just doesn't taste right. Bonus points if it's a vegetarian imitation of something. No dressing for the salad. Dry mashed potatoes with nothing to put on them.If the main course is actual meat, it's very dry chicken with no seasonings of any sort. Oatmeal raisin cookies for dessert.
No drinks other than water and MAYBE a very cheap boxed wine if I'm in a fancy mood.
Someone brought their baby who is asleep on the couch so everyone has to be quiet, but every now and the baby still wakes up and cries. Said person also keeps constantly showing off baby pictures, despite nobody actually wanting to see them
The dog is under the table constantly sticking his face onto people's laps begging for food, but every every time you move him, he keeps coming back.
The music is VERY soft classical that you can't even hear enough to actually decipher, but audible enough to be a background drone (Alternatively, it's terrible country music that everyone except the host hates).
The one person who you actually hope to see there is supposedly running late, but never actually shows up due to "schedule conflicts".
RedditMayne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Morrissey being served steak, medium-rare.
staytaytay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:16 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you saved room for dessert... It's veeeeegan
Theclash160 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:21 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We look up "How to Have an Awesome Party?" in Bing. Then it takes us to a britannica page.
brohammer23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's hosted at Golden Corral
radiogra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your twin sisters in law with reels from their latest vacation, and Bob Saget.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:37 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Water with lemon as the only thing to drink.
gaygnostic51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:36 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough chairs
wadetype ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone you've ever wanted to meet, your favourite musicians, your favourite celebrities and even your dearly departed. But it's you that makes it the most disappointing dinner party. And they don't keep it a secret from you.
RAAD88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fallout 4 came out and you only got to create your character before having had to head to the dinner.
jamesjansen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:55 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's just me eating with my parents.
nightnature ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:57 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's only one thing to drink. Malk. Now with vitamin R
Nyvren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP's Mom
Rustled_Pantaloons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:24 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A very exciting release of a highly anticipated valve game.
thefrozendivide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Raw vegan "cuisine" and cats everywhere
Caleb_Krawdad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmfrEapvSC8
Crusty_Dick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Individually wrapped peanuts
zigboomda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You are alone because nobody shows up. Water is the drink and the steak you have been waiting to eat all day has been burnt to crisp. Your baked potato is plain because you don't have salt, cheese, sour cream, butter, or bacon.
Weinerjsc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:09 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Banquo's ghost.
Out_numbered_3to1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No one.
Commissar_Genki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"As we enjoy this locally-sourced menu of vegan delicacies, I'd like to talk to you all about an excellent Timeshare opportunity!"
JeremyCreek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:48 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We burnt the dinner. So we bought 30 dollars work of Mcdonald's chicken nuggets.
lout_zoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
centipoder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
two hours of listening to me talk about the silverware
gosbts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:50 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
david cameron fucking a pig on the middle of the table
Hawklet98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:41 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
After being told one of the Baldwin brothers will be there... Stephen Baldwin.
Javacorps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a pitch-in and I'm bringing the green bean casserole... without any fried onions.
giverofnofucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:37 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The food is bland but not aggressively bad, there's a lot of awkward silence punctuated by halfhearted attempts at small talk. One guy starts to talk about something interesting, but it quickly becomes apparent he doesn't really know what he's talking about. There's some mediocre wine that runs out before you can get a buzz going.
What were you expecting, the world's most disappointing dinner party?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:04 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Only pepperoni and cheese pizza. One of those parties.
Nurematsu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:20 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A screening of M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender.
giantdick69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:10 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I thought of Steven Hawking's dinner party for time travelers to come back to. Nobody showed up. That's pretty damn disappointing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:18 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not food, that's for sure.
OakLegs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:44 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Mashed sweet potatoes! Except they're actually squash....
resonatingfleabag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:33 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP.
DocGrosskopf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Ladies and gentleman tonight's entertainment, Carrot Top!"
FUTURKOP420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:03 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever you brought.
Nick_Beard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Saltines laid on a plate without even butter or cheeze.
mergedloki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As in what will the food be?
For starters microwaved chicken fingers so they're limp and soggy.
Follow that up with hot pockets that are ice cold in the center.
And for dessert everyone gets one of those giant sugar free gummy bears.
We_Are_The_Waiting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Megabloks and knock off cola, and burned steak.
poohster33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Soda crackers, butter, sadness
EyepleadtheFifth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Likely something similar to the republican party presidential debates...
BagelGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:56 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Gilbert Godfrey puts on a one-man rendition of 'Rent'.
Kell08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:23 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
World leaders coming to world peace, all of your favorite people, and the best party food imaginable.
Anticipation is an important part of disappointment.
AdamLovelace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There is no food. Before I 'serve' the food, I give a toast, which is actually a filibuster. I win if everybody leaves before I'm done.
Crust_Station ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:27 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The napkins.. Are edible. Bone apetit! By the way, how many of you would be interested in owning your own condominium in Aspen for an astonishingly low price? That's right, only $3000 yearly, for TWO DAYS OF SERIOUS OWNERSHIP!
theneonsoulsurfer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:26 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
...and a cake made with powdered milk in camper van in Baja, 1977. It really happened!
Scytali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:23 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The entire staff of Blizzard Activision.
rhythmethodman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can expect to see my elephant impersonation. That's the one where I unzip my fly, flop out my Wang, pull out the insides of my pockets and sway side to side making elephant noises...... Ahhh good times... Good times.
SwingingSalmon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:40 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is where the classic comment would say, "OP".
CaptainWumbology ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:50 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand, Nietzsche, and Marx. Self-explanatory
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:07 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Potato salad.
TheKaiminator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:56 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP
HeywoodUCuddlemee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hall of mirrors.
Imablargmachine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
me
w4t3rb34r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:10 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not me.
Scienceotologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Buzz killington
THermanZweibel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jack's frozen pizza.
inflamesskater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:56 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fruitcake.
Dmeegs1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:48 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My son
owningmclovin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:31 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Baked chicken
PowerWordCoffee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:06 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Boiled hotdogs on wonderbread. Room temperature grapes with fruit flies on them. Pay bar. You're in someone's tiny one room apartment in a sketchy part of the city, it's 11:45pm and the last bus reaches the stop down the street at 12:01, but you can't leave because someone just came in and they're chatting loudly in the doorway making it awkward....oh look the little dog just ran out.
No music, but the local news is on....and it's now midnight so only infomercials are one. It's November but the heating is on full blast, engulfing the room with miscellaneous body odour and hotdog. But we can't open the window because it's jammed.
Squirrel009 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:09 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sodexo catering
CadeLogan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:56 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
well there will be street fight to warm things up. That's how my dinner parties are. Why are you wearing your suit dude?
Bcrowley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me alone with a table full of food and none of my friends deciding to show up regardless of RSVPing
downvotesanimals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:40 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom.
eveplayersarejerks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My normal life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:07 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
MREs
nliausacmmv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
Drop-Dead-Fred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:29 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Serenity by Janโข
SuperCashBrother ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:40 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The party was actually last week. But you should stay and have dinner with me anyway.
Yvvell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:01 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Frozen TV dinners and sparlking apple cider.
Did you say horrible or cheap?
pteroso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:43 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All of the following:
All cooked foods burned.
All frozen foods melted.
All liquid foods spilt.
All raw foods smelly.
All creamy foods gritty.
All leafy foods limp.
All steamed foods soggy and soft.
All crunchy foods stale.
All sweet foods sugar free.
All guests grumpy.
Lashitski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:50 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriend throwing a Dundee at my 200$ plasma screen TV.
universitygirl22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:04 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cold McDonalds is the food of the night. With kfc cold apple pies as dessert and all the beer is non alcoholic.
markovitch1928 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
People who think the Kardashians are interesting
Duke_of_Fruits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:36 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A person you only vaguely associated with has become a physical and emotional trainwreck, and now has a terrifying obsession with you. They then guilt you into dancing with them for a single song.
During the most awkward and emotionless dance of your life, they ask in the most depressing tone ever,"What would you do if I ever died?"
Kaltorix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:12 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That the whole dinner goes perfectly normal with nothing unusual, leaving you feeling conflicted and disappointed it wasn't disappointing.
Hauckeye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:46 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everything your Allergic too is being served. Also everything your scared of is the house entertainment. Looks like Shell fish and laughing clowns tonight.
El_Yojimbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:08 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lunch
TTL1_TTL_exceeded ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:54 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Raisins
darkone237 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:58 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
U
amycd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:21 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pepsi.
GrandmotherFa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:14 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My ex.
versaceprincess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:05 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Unseasoned meats
fraynor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:15 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My son.
Gromby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The US government
trampabroad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:00 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
After much hype, we finally witness a heartwarming reconciliation between the estranged brothers Clegane.
crazymoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:16 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Taco Hamburger Helper
Im_So_Glamorous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:48 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know who will be there, but I know for a fact a Detroit Lions game will be on the TV
meeetooh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
no food
TheScyphozoa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:42 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The culinary equivalent of the Dashcon ball pit.
theonecalledzach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:41 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hang on, let me get some pictures from the dinner party I hosted last week
PM_ME_MESSY_BUNS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:17 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
After much vigorous flirting, the night culminates in sex with OP.
DogeBisquits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:19 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
KFC
abigthirstyteddybear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:56:58 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chris Hansen.
Stormdaxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:39 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP
Bluswhitehat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:59:52 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Daniel Noobster.
iwahfc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:13 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing.
jhkfedth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:50 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
nothing!
Pie_Hoodlum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:04:49 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
NOTHING!
literallymagic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:26 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing but surstrรถmming and lutefisk, from one end of the table to the other.
BlurNeko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:32:47 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Music from my former assistant whose virginity I took.
tatsuedoa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:54:16 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry guys, I forgot to head to the store before the party so for dinner we're just going to eat bologna and the end pieces of bread loaves that have gotten soggy.
hcarguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:57:08 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
OP
Kidding. I love you, OP.
undersquirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:53 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
NotALawyer506 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:25 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Do you like miracle whip or hellmans? Sorry we only have the other one
-Kriegar- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:02 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ebola victims corpses
DChallengerSRT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:18 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone giving a multi level marketing presentation
starman888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:22 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
a ball pit
aarong914 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:45 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
No actual food.
PM_The_Dildos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:55 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A serious lack of dildos
The_God_Father ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:28 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oatmeal raisin cookies
ohherroeeyore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:48 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My dad
Azrael6656 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:31 on November 14, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me drinking a whole bottle of wine by myself while simultaneously shoveling large forks full of steak into my mouth and crying.
DrScientist812 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:32 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ben Carson.
IDFWSoup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:14:51 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone would be eating soup.
pokefan01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:19 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
A glass of water and a loaf of bread.
farthingworth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:36 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A vegan.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:23 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Raisin cookies for dessert
tommyjohnpauljones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chicken planks from Long John Silver's
smartcool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:14 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
An ugly stripper.
JustifyMaJimmies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:55 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The food is poop haha
JMUDuuuuuuukes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A bowl of M&Ms with Skittles mixed in.
HeMightBeJoking ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:32:25 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Red velvet cake
bettybetsy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:09:04 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oatmeal raisin cookies
banditswalker ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:53:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
2 ex wives and there moms
TheRealBabyCave ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:04:48 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fresh bagels with no cream cheese or butter.
Jenny_from_the_Block ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:46:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A boggle tournament
Knigar ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:54:30 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Dead people
kinkyleech ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:49:44 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Justin Bieber
etherealcaitiff ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:54:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oreos....the golden ones.
cappo40 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:09:37 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Brussels Sprouts
nidnus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:44:50 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My wife to the right and mistress to the left.
DeanisBatman ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:52:54 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
All of the food is juuust stale enough to be noticeable, but not enough to make you stop eating.
T-A-W_Byzantine ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:55:58 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pierogis...
Spinach pierogis.
burkmcbork ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:28:45 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Featuring Sting"
trap_gob ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:14:33 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Mike Huckabee eating a spicy meal of plain rice accompanied with a tangy glass of tap water
scamperly ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:47:32 on November 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Me.
rumpledstiltskins ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:11 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chicken McMaggots.
AuganM ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:18 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Blueberry muffins and raisin cookies, the most deceptive of treats
Vitorfg ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:52 on November 9, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I ask people if they wanna smoke in a very suggestive manner... but i only offer them cigarretes. Now THAT'S dissapointment