and the relatives spend their whole lives trying to decipher it, and when they finally do and realize that theyve spent so much time, quit their jobs, left their families, and lost their homes just trying to decipher your message only to find out its gibberish, the look on their faces will be priceless
Rixxer · 2 points · Posted at 20:22:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Where did you get that number from? It's not really 'worth' anything (as a foreign currency) as it is being demonetised.
"Bank accounts with balances of up to 175 quadrillion Zimbabwean dollars will be paid $5. Those with balances above 175 quadrillion dollars will be paid at an exchange rate of $1 to 35 quadrillion Zimbabwean dollars."[1]
Fun fact, my grandfather was a nuclear physicist, as well as former army. He refused to talk about anything he did in the military, but we know a friend of his who was in the service with him that hinted at special forces work.
When he died, I found currency from Belarus, several 1 ounce .999 fine silver coins, and a bunch of log books from his time on his short wave radio. The safe, on the other hand, had some insurance paperwork and some extra rounds for his various rifles.
LukasC · 7 points · Posted at 05:47:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't even have several hundred dollars of my own currency :(
Itd just be a Walther PPK. the "K" in PPK stands for Kurtz, german for short. I believe you misheard Q in skyfall, who says "Walther PPK in 9mm kurtz". 9mm kurtz is .380 ACP.
FYI there is no such thing as a PPK short, I believe you are confusing it with the cartridge it fires 9mm short aka 9mm kurz, 9x17mm, or .380acp in the Us.
vivazeta · 2 points · Posted at 16:22:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And a fleshlight and mega dildo with nutella smeared all over it. Plus a mars rock.
Well some states don't allow you to carry a gun unless its going from your home to a range or to a shop, and even then it has to be unloaded with ammo kept separate from the gun. Id think those states wouldn't want people to be putting loaded guns in safe deposit boxes. Also you are carrying a gun into a bank...
zimzilla · 1 points · Posted at 09:50:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The PPK is already the short version. PPK stands for Polizeipistole Kriminal and is a compact version of the Walther PP designed for better concealment.
sigilvii · -7 points · Posted at 02:17:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
The S means Speziale Sport. The K in PPK is for Kurz which means Short. Kriminal, meaning the Detective model.
No, PPK stands for Polizei Pistole Kriminal, which translate as Police Pistol (Detective).
sigilvii · 2 points · Posted at 13:21:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
In my defense, it's apparently a very common mistake to call it Kurz, the German Wikipedia entry even makes a note of it (but not on the English entry.) https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walther_PPK
EDIT: And the S apparently stands for Sport, it isn't even a German word. I learned this stuff all wrong, it was totally bullshit! I'm ticked about that. Glad it's set straight though. Thanks.
sigilvii · 1 points · Posted at 13:15:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh, shit, you're right. Thanks.
What about Speziale? Was I completely wrong there?
Tune-chi · 9 points · Posted at 03:44:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think he meant short as in it is often referred to as a 9mm short. It's a .380 round if my understanding is correct vs say a .22 PPK. It's the gun James Bond carried back in the day.
Half of me wanted to see how you'd reply, surprised you're this accepting of it - the k stands for kriminel (spelling) meaning detective. PP stands for polezipistole (spelling) meaning police pistol. The PPK was issued to detectives. The PPK/S was created for importation or manufacture by S&W I think in the US. S standing for special or something.
Edit: S standing for sport, apparently.
sigilvii · 2 points · Posted at 17:46:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not a problem, I was trying to correct /u/sinder-wolf in the first place and I feel bad correcting him with incorrect information. I'm glad there are people out there that know more than me about this stuff!
Really mess with them, and make it a 1940s German passport and throw in a few Nazi medals. Along with a map of Brazil and a few random spots in the Amazon circled.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 06:31:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Bryvin · 2 points · Posted at 17:13:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Maybe baby
jesse710 · 6 points · Posted at 09:19:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
the "nyah" episode is where haley and jeff steal the money stan gave jeff to not marry haley. they take it and run across the world being followed by roger who keeps going NYAAAH to get them to give up (i believe thats what that is referencing)
Crooty · 8 points · Posted at 08:26:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I like the one where Steve does something nerdy and Stan doesn't like it.
Another favourite is when Hayley says liberal things, and Stan doesn't like it.
Originally on PS2, was later remade as Persona 3 FES (like "festival") for PS2 and was later re-released as a PS2 Classic on PS3. Also remade for PSP with additional options as Persona 3 Portable or P3P, a joke acronym that makes more sense in Japanese where the word for 3 is san.
I would recommend playing FES to get the most complete experience, then P3P for the option to play as a girl which, if you make the right choices, can affect the plot in a few unexpected ways.
St0kka · 9 points · Posted at 23:06:31 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
As soon as I can use my regular computer again, I will find it for my PS2 emulator. Thanks! Always looking for good games I missed on PS1 and 2. Video game ADD, right here.
Hell, I will try them all. I am wayyy too into video games. Pretty much all it takes is someone saying they liked it or seeing a good review for me to play something.
You already said you'd play it but I too want to recommend both Persona 3 and 4, they're amazing games and surely of the best games I've ever played. Hope you enjoy them.
Edit: BTW I'm playing them on PCSX2 emulator and Persona 4 may have some issues with shadows and audio for some people so if you do find those issues when you play it, let me know to tell you which settings to change.
When you finish you should try Persona 4 which is even better (PS2 and remastered on PS Vita), and Persona 5 is coming out soon as well (PS3, PS4) so if you like Persona 3 you have a lot to look forward to
mstrbts · 2 points · Posted at 02:18:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Did anything g eventful ever happen in the dungeon part of fes. I played the normal part and started the dungeon where the other characters see a ghost or whatever version of the main who died and then around that time I moved on to other things, and eventually forgot and sold it. I plan to replay it if I ever have the time.
The "dungeon part" that you're referring to is "The Answer", while the original game is posed as "The Question"...
If that's not clear enough for you, then yes, The Answer is the true ending to Persona 3 (In fact, that was the whole purpose of FES. FES wasn't just a bunch of costumes and a few new scenes, it was an expansion pack for The Answer). The Answer is, something like 30 hours of gameplay, mostly due to the grind... Truthfully, load it in an emulator and level 99 everyone... Or, just Aegis... Also give her a kick-ass maxed out Persona and go to town. It'll let you speed run the game (Basically) and turn a 30-ish hour game into a much shorter, but still fulfilling experience (Due to the story not being altered)... This is basically how I feel about RPGs now, at least the older ones that had the tendency to grind the shit out of your nads.
It's good to keep up with it for experience reasons. If you don't level a couple of storyline bosses even have a chance to mess you up. If you're playing FES or Portable there will be timed quests for getting old documents or something from the end of the currently available dungeon. If you can finish that Quest you're more than safe. The upcoming story boss will be a little easier than the most recently defeated one.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:02:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If you play Persona 4 also then don't listen to the voices. Naoto is best waifu.
A lot of the Social Links available to the male protagonist are changed to different characters, some new, some members of the main cast that didn't get Social Links for the male protagonist. One of these, if you complete it fast enough and get in the bonus event at the end, allows you to prevent the death of a major character.
Ventosx · 1 points · Posted at 06:33:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I really wish P4 had gotten a female protag as well. It added a lot to the experience for me.
No one actually mention that it is a turn-based Japanese RPG, focusing on kids in high school fighting monsters with their "personas", which are creatures that represent their inner selves.
It also has a social simulator aspect. Overall, amazing game. Though personally I like 4 a lot more. By the way, like final fantasy, the numbers don't really matter, there are no direct sequels.
BTW, the main character was nerfed in P3P - you can use any other party member's equipment (except for guns and knives) in the PS2 port while the P3P version limits you to swords as a guy or spears as a girl.
My cousin found what he thought was an evoker in my room.
In other news, I have found the perfect red color in case I ever wish to repaint.
[deleted] · 474 points · Posted at 23:45:10 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
They have your body though. Your body which has hair exactly like yours, eyes the same color as yours, presumably dressed in clothes much like those you wore in real life. That trick would work if you disappeared, but with your corpse the whole thing kinda falls apart.
Alright then, multiple setups to look like other people and one empty one?
Birdyer · 20 points · Posted at 01:57:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's pretty easy to tell if a corpse is wearing contact lenses or not.
Oggel · 45 points · Posted at 02:05:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Hmm, something is fishy about this... Let's dig up daddy and poke his eyes!"
CorgiDad · 8 points · Posted at 04:19:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just have multiple setups of empty contact lens storage/cleaning kits, maybe colored labels. Even if they do dig up the corpse and find no contact lenses, it proves nothing!
Yoghurt_ · 1 points · Posted at 12:22:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You can have the contact lenses different in colour to the corpses, making it look like the dead guy forgot to put his on.
Wait until you're extremely old, like die any day now old, and suddenly disappear. Go stay at a motel near your home for a few days, set it up so the motel takes money directly from your bank account for each day you stay, shave your head and speak to everyone there with a foreign accent. If all goes well you'll die in the room, nobody will find you until your eyes have started to rot, everyone will remember you had a foreign accent and your friends and family will be confused as hell.
It would make them freak out though. Maybe enough to go check your corpse if it was not yet buried, and definitely enough to spread wild speculation and stories within the family if it were already buried.
Except you would be buried by that time I imagine. Most people kind of enshrine the deceased things for a few days to cope with it. So seeing that after burial would sew that seed of doubt.
Well, not really. Because now they're wondering who this person was really, if the body they got is really me or a fake, etc.
I mean generally anyone would expect it to be a prank regardless, but if we're assuming anyone would actually take it seriously having a corpse would only complicate the matter, not disenfranchise it. I mean, at the worst they just figure this is the persona I finally died in and they don't know who I was before or why I had various identities.
Xenjael · 1 points · Posted at 10:25:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So collect your sheddings and have them dyed then made into a wig.
Well, from experience, I can say that at least I can definitely get more into a bizarre character on LSD. Also, just on the off chance that my family might try it after finding it in my vault. I think everyone could benefit from the right amount of LSD.
Oh man this reminds me of this weird fear I had as a little kid. For a long time I had this fear/belief that my parents were both men who had kidnapped me from my real parents and that my mom wore a wig and dressed as a woman to make me think he was mom. I don't know where this came from but it was a legitimate fear of mine for a long time.
A vintage floppy disk saying last will and testament. Your family will need to go through lots of searching and finding to get a device old enough to play it. The whole search they will be wondering what was so important to say in 1.2mbs and when they finally open it, it will have one singular audio file...
A monotone version of Rick Astleys' classic "Never gonna give you up". This small ploy will return to you your virginity as you enter valhalla.
Edit: Thanks for the gold!
Ccracked · 215 points · Posted at 05:02:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh, the hours spent watching loading screens (or if you were lucky, playing a game built in to the loading screen.)
lrrlrr · 1 points · Posted at 17:02:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't know if this would interest you that much, but this guy abused C++ templates to get tetris to run at compiletime. Not very useful but nonetheless interesting.
What the hell man I'm only 16 does it look like I know how to use this crap, you should've included this to help us younger redditors https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ
I remember playing Rambo and waiting for the counter to go up to 113, it took f.o.r.e.v.e.r.
Then when you died you had to reload the whole thing again.
Jesus that was so painful.
The eternal wait was excruciating.
Especially if you got an error up around 97-98 and had to reload the whole thing again.
I'm not sure the elation you felt when the game finally came on was worth the pure hell of that fucking counter.
Still there were some great games on my 64.
Then I met someone who had a Commodore 128, we were best friends until his computer broke. The realisation slowly setting in that I never really liked him in the first place!
pigthree · 3 points · Posted at 15:25:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A lot of Federal employees are issued floppy drives with their computers. No one knows why because no one uses it. I am sure some company is being paid millions to produce these for the government simply because they create jobs in a senators district.
Gsusruls · 3 points · Posted at 16:23:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
not a 3.5. You can get a 3.5 USB peripheral easily even today.
Source: I have one. Just found out my uncle does. Not an antique yet.
surkh · 2 points · Posted at 07:15:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Assuming you die 60+ years from now, it could be much more difficult. The robots hate floppy drives, so theyll probably all be destroyed by Roko's basilisk.
PandaKid · 2 points · Posted at 11:07:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My dads computer could play it :')
Galiron · 2 points · Posted at 12:17:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Given tech trends unless you plan to die soon use a car or better yet hddvd so you can include a video of you asking just how much shit they went through to play the file followed by you singing never gonna give you up.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 12:28:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Vintage as opposed to modern floppy disk? Hipsters
[deleted] · 1284 points · Posted at 23:18:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Pick out particularly memorable dates for things that actually happened in your real family and write about it as though you had some mundane errand to run.
Child's birth: "There was an engagement I had to attend, it was really more of a courtesy than anything as I didn't want to be there, and saw no reason as to why I should've gone in the first place, in any case, it was for that reason that I missed family game night, which up until then we had held every week on Wednesday. It was Pictionary night... Sometimes I still long for the feeling of a golf pencil in my hand. Yearn to be back at that table, with lines scribbled furiously, spiraling as uncontrollably as the Milky Way's zenith, while the sands of time slip past our fingers through the hourglass, easing us closer to our imminent doom in a crash course with Andromeda. What creation would I have wrought?"
Read it years ago--wasn't a huge fan, honestly, but that's probably more a reflection on my tastes at the time than the novel itself. I should give it another shot sometime soon.
I feel like mentioning that the crash with Andromeda probably won't harm our solar system at all, but I don't want to be a dick, that's some damn good writing.
Could use some tips myself.
Moxxuren · 10 points · Posted at 02:04:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah "probably" it could also "probably" throw a star at us at 20,000 mph.
There's plenty of space between things, but yeah, it certainly is a possibility. But the possibility of it being our star is so astronomically low it's practically nothing.
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 02:56:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
As I recall there's about a 10% chance that we get blown out of the new galaxy altogether, but even then our solar system is likely to remain intact. In either case Earth will be uninhabitable long before the collision happens.
Wouldn't the gravity from Andromeda's galactic core and that of other heavenly bodies potentially cause huge changes?
forresja · 1 points · Posted at 13:03:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The galaxies will merge, and it's possible our system is ejected. It's much more likely that our system is simply integrated into the new galaxy and isn't directly changed in any significant way.
mdk_777 · 5 points · Posted at 02:14:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You need to pick some current famous people at the time (high level government officials, religious leaders, top actors, etc.) and put them near the top right under ??? to make it look like they're your next target, or the link to the leader.
I did not die. I am still alive. The body you saw is a double from the CIA. I cannot tell you where I am. Even telling you this is putting you all in danger, but I feel I had to.
Do not look for me, I love all of you.
Victims of the Kojima virus become inflicted with increasingly complex plotlines and reality-bending abilities. That is why we have soviet generals with electric powers, giant robot creatures with nuclear/plasma weaponry, lightning cyborg ninjas, rapidly-aging soldiers, squads of highly trained soldiers that get distracted by cardboard and a United States senator made out of 100% raw testosterone.
There is no known cure for the Kojima virus. And based on recent studies, it has been discovered that it's terminal.
DFTBAlex · 1 points · Posted at 17:17:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Chronologically, yea, but his body was like 90 which was why he needed the muscle suit and the constant life saving injections.
Was it? Naomi explains that she doesnt know when the virus will kill him. And im 99% sure the virus makes him age faster. The virus was also going to be used as a biological weapon to kill other people. It was suppose to turn contagious but by deactivating GW and the other AI's it turned off the virus. Or something like that.
Did some more research and apparently, Foxdie kills certain people at certain programmed times. He only ages quickly because when he was designed, they made it so that his cells divide less efficiently so he ages faster. Something about not wanting Cipher getting their hands on him
Haha! I can see Q outfitting him with all sorts of overblown spy crap.
...Your denture adhesive doubles as high explosive, activated with a dab of Ben Gay. This Gold Bond body powder is a powerful nerve agent that can be tactically deployed through these threadbare floppy slippers. Prune juice that is, in reality, a concentrated acid. Several bottles of Centrum Silver that double as listening devices, since you're likely to leave them all over the place, anyway. These adult diapers are cleverly disguised short-range jetpacks that allow little over five minutes of flight time. This ratty bathrobe is fireproof and bullet resistant up to .338 calibre. This oxygen tank houses a powerful helium-dioxide laser, and is also an oxygen tank. Your four post walker carries a retrievable grapnel launcher with 50 meters of cabling, and has a plaque for your medications inscribed. This hearing aid--is just that. And, finally, this tube of exactly five Viagra tablets, because we have a lot of hope for you.
ramandur · 11 points · Posted at 00:38:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
When my dad was in hospice he was half out of it and rambled on about his time working for the government in south america and how beautiful the woman there were. He had never traveled there that we know of so it was kinda odd and he was on some serious pain killers at the time
gnovos · 3 points · Posted at 04:11:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Astrusum · 2 points · Posted at 09:58:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Improving on this: write your signature, date the note 1 week from now and make a new one once a week, so when they open the safe the note will be dated after you died.
I did not die. I am still alive. The body you saw is a double from the CIA. I cannot tell you where I am. Even telling you this is putting you all in danger, but I feel I had to. Do not look for me, I love all of you. Burn after reading.
Sir_mr · 1 points · Posted at 05:47:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My family would all say they wouldn't believe it but slowly over time it would creep up on them and they may start to believe. They will see a sign and think maybe but push it out of their head just as quickly as it came.
"So he can't say where he is and doesn't want to be found, but he wants to put us in danger by leaving this note. Jesus when will he stop being an asshole."
rpnoonan · 423 points · Posted at 22:27:55 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
That would be a particularly good one to leave for the brattiest one in the family. Leave them the safe and all the contents in it so they're thinking "Sweet! It could be millions!" and then when they open it it's the worst game ever made.
Sorry to say they're not very rare. You can get them for like 8 bucks on eBay.
BobIV · 2 points · Posted at 12:48:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I got handed one with an old Atari a few years ago. Rigged it to my TV and played through some classics before being utterly dumbfounded by the ET game.
Even for the standards of the time, that was a horrible horrible game.
Birdyer · 3 points · Posted at 02:03:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And there is cheeto dust smeared in the contact area on the game.
75elky · 29 points · Posted at 23:32:14 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Really? I thought they weren't even sought after. I've had my cart for years, posted pictures when people started taking about how bad it was, but nobody seems to want it
They are rare and not sought after. They're rare because a TON of copies were buried in the desert in mexico (I think it was mexico, i know they were disposed of)
They aren't rare, they're still all over flea markets, etc.
Notdrugs · 1 points · Posted at 16:10:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, for some reason theres this rummor on the internet that this game is rare but it isnt true at all. Ive never seen a collection of more than 15 atari games that didnt have ET.
Not entirely, there's a local store here selling a couple of them for 0.99$ each
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 09:11:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
They aren't really worth anything though. My local game store had 30 copies for 1$ each and when I wanted to buy one the guy said "why the fuck should I accept money for that piece of shit. Just take it you're doing me a favor"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No, it was one of the most common Atari cartridges. In fact, Atari (stupidly) manufactured more copies of ET than there were Atari 2600 consoles in existence to play them. That's part of why it was such a failure is that their expectations were so ridiculously high that no game could have lived up to it. And they gave the poor guy who was to author the game only 6 weeks to do the whole thing which was unrealistic. He hit their schedule and made the game and he did his best in the time allotted, but geez.
ET? No way. Not rare at all - very common. I got a couple and they were just in package deals. I didn't mean to get those. It actually isn't that terrible a game as people make it out to be.
Well the as the hundreds of comments informing me of the game's worthlessness have told me, the casing is the only valuable part.
Argonexx · 7 points · Posted at 00:49:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
To Jimmy, I leave my steam account, worth around 500$
500 copies of Bad Rats
rhllor · 1 points · Posted at 13:27:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why not throw in a copy of Secrets of the Magic Crystals.
kodran · 3 points · Posted at 08:03:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Add some copies of Shaq Fu
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 02:33:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's actually not that bad a game. It was actually pretty revolutionary for its time. The biggest problem was that people never read the manual. The only major issue with the game, is how falling into holes worked. It's not random like people think. The issue is that the game is played from an isometric view, a la The Legend of Zelda, but the collision detection is pixel perfect, so if any part of ET overlaps a hole, he falls in. Once you know about that, the game becomes a lot easier. So now that we're past that, let's look at some of the things the game did that were new and revolutionary. First off, it had a story. Obviously this is assisted by being an adaptation of a hugely successful movie. It had an ending... Fuck that, it goes even further than having an ending; it had an ending cutscene. That's right, you actually got a reward for finishing the game (and finishing the game is a new concept as well). It also looked really good for the time. Yeah, we laugh at it now, but for its time, it looks fantastic. Also a bunch of other stuff I'm too lazy to type out right now. All in all, ET for the 2600 is actually a good game, and doesn't deserve the hate it gets.
ciny · 2 points · Posted at 08:34:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I played the game and I have to disagree, it was a glitchy mess and confusing as hell, falling through the holes was just one of the problems. I'd boot up my old atari just to try it again (it's been a few years since I played it) but I know I'd just end up playing pitfall 2 (if nothing else it had an awesome theme )
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:47:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
See, people always say it was glitchy, then don't back it up; it really wasn't glitchy in the slightest. Can you please explain how it was glitchy or what didn't make sense?
ciny · 2 points · Posted at 12:06:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
explain how it was glitchy
Reese's pieces didn't do anything. maybe they were supposed to add health/stamina? anyway they didn't work
invisible marsh pits
going down would always bring you to the science lab or whatever that was.
what didn't make sense?
every time you move you lose health/stamina/call it whatever you want with no real way to replenish it. Combined with random placement of the phone parts it made for quite tedious gameplay. Not really a great mechanic.
and let's not forget - games like pole position, pitfall or tron were released around that time. Compared to them ET is mediocre at best...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:01:28 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Reese's pieces didn't do anything. maybe they were supposed to add health/stamina? anyway they didn't work
Except they did work, and after you collected 9 of them, you could call Elliot for a piece of the telephone.
invisible marsh pits
I just explained they weren't invisible, they were a result of the collision detection being pixel perfect, and as a result, if ANY of ET overlapped a hole, he fell in
going down would always bring you to the science lab or whatever that was.
Never heard of this one, it sounds a lot like the one bug that can result in "invisible pits"
Here, this page sums up the problems, how they aren't problems, and what the game's actual problems are a lot better than I can. http://www.neocomputer.org/projects/et/
ciny · 1 points · Posted at 06:19:39 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm going to check during the weekend on the bugs just to be sure, it's been years since I played it.
I just explained they weren't invisible, they were a result of the collision detection being pixel perfect, and as a result, if ANY of ET overlapped a hole, he fell in
I fully understand what you mean. however I'm pretty sure sometimes holes spawned without being visible. I'll check during the weekend.
However when you look at it - 50 shades of green, pseudo-isometric view combined with pixel perfect collision detection is not the best combination for a good game. I'd suggest a few ways I would solve it however I never had to work with memory constraint of 128 bytes and no framebuffer. Just reading about the way the 2600 worked makes my head spin.
dezeiram · 1 points · Posted at 19:15:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Even after reading the manual, ET is still the only game that has nearly driven me to destroy every electronic within a mile. I feel like it was designed badly in general in terms of playerxgame interaction. The game might be good, the player might be good, but that game was fucking terrible.
It would be best if you included in the note that one of the copies contained the combination to your Oreo safe. Then the little fuckers would have to play it, trying to decipher a code from anything that looks different on one of the copies, eventually leading to a massive psychosis or vegetative state.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:28:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, thousands and thousands actually. It was actually hoped that the popularity of the film would cause more Atari 2600's to be purchased during Christmas, and as such Atari made more copies than there were consoles in homes. Due to a rushed developement cycle and the fact that the game is an unintuitive open world adventure the game flopped critically and commercially.
Its fashionable to call it an awful game, and its not great by any means. It is however an ambitious title that experimented with a number of concepts you wouldn't see in console games for many years, including context sensitive abilities and randomization of elements in an open-world setting.
In a walk in safe, 30 rolls of toilet paper, bulk boxes of lotion, and in the center a chair with a copy of playboy that has the faces of all of the males in my family pasted onto the models
It's also like a serial killer movie cliche thing to do. It's even been parodied on South Park. The one where Cartman was a psychic detective. When the cop was surveying the dude's house, "I see you like cutting the eyes out of photos of women. My son is a big fan of that, too."
A set of latex masks of your own face along with a cheatsheet of the names of all your siblings and friends, and a book titled "Report" with every page covered in indecipherable heiroglyphs but interleaved with photos of the family.
Jatz55 · 167 points · Posted at 00:19:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Written with the same symbols as the Voynich manuscript
[deleted] · -12 points · Posted at 09:18:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:24:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He said "indecipherable," not "so easy my child could do it."
Turfie146 · 1874 points · Posted at 22:04:42 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A mason jar full of toe nail clippings. A glow in the dark condom full of tobacco spit. The lyrics to every Rebecca Black song written backwards in white crayon.
cdc194 · 9 points · Posted at 03:05:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hey, dont be hard on yourself, theres a woman out there who will eventually hit rock bottom standards-wise and settle for both of us. Different women i mean... probably.
I went to a guys house when I was young a he had toenails in a little container. I was like for what? And he pops one in his mouth. I was like damn dude.... gross.
Wasn't there someone who casually posted a picture with a mason jar of toe nail clippings and another one of pubes in the back ground.
Hard boiled vs raw egg after a year or something like that
Honestly, just get the whole family list, and cross people off as they die. As long as you cross yourself off ahead of time and keep it up to date, it comes across as an anonymous threat, not your own hit list.
Bonus points if you have a contingency set up so that a few copies get mailed out to a specific few family members where their own name being crossed out is the only change.
ibbolia · 11 points · Posted at 02:05:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"If you're reading this, you and I are already dead"
WMann95 · 85 points · Posted at 22:15:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A long list of names with some dead in there. Cross off the dead ones.
[deleted] · 107 points · Posted at 23:29:41 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Including your own name.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 23:58:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
The name should be at the end of the list, crossed.
illyume · 4 points · Posted at 12:03:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Better:
List of names, with yours in the middle or so.
Most of the names before yours are people who've died prematurely.
Green check/tick marks next to the ones before you who've actually died. Toss in a couple red herrings of names that didn't die. Mark with red X's (one or more) and no green ticks. On second thought, maybe add a red X or two next to some of the names in the list that did die (x's go before ✓'s).
Your name with a ☺ next to it.
Then a bunch of names of people who are still alive, with no marks next to their names.
So something like this:
Jon Doe X ✓
Mr Mann ✓
Filler Name X X X X X
Riff Raff X X ✓
Mr G ✓
illyume ☺
WMann95
Lewleit
Xantoxu
Dude Guy
a list of all your family members and george Clooney
Bardlar · 1 points · Posted at 14:13:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Some of them should be names of dead famous people, a couple names from deceased friends (people your family would recognize), but then some more living famous people, and some other random made up names. They'll basically think you're part of some secret society, and every time one of those famous people passes on, they'll think the list is closer to completion, but there will be a couple names that don't actually belong to anyone that remain a mystery for the longest time.
In my wallet, I have a business card shaped flash drive. There is only one file on it. A copy of Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby.
My plan is to rent a safety deposit box and will it to my children without ever mentioning it. Inside the box, another flash drive. Again, there will be only one file on it. Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby.
The best part is, they'll be forced to watch both copies of the movie in order to see if the files have been altered in any way to give clues to the location of my real fortune. But my greatest treasure was giving them the gift of watching Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby twice. That movie's awesome.
[deleted] · 55 points · Posted at 04:31:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Zoraxe · 13 points · Posted at 11:37:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 14:30:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My favorite is how you managed to include the full title of the movie three times in your post...
AfroClam · 400 points · Posted at 01:41:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A diary that has normal stuff in it, but also says things like, "I saw a murder today. It filled me with peace. I hope to bear witness to another one" Dated months later, "another murder today. exciting to watch." Days later, "Planning a murder of my own. Illegal but I find myself being drawn to it. Will be worth it if I don't get caught". Then, "I did it. My very own murder!" Finally, "too good to last. All I have left are the photos. I kept a trophy." folded in the diary is a map with an X on it. Buried in the location is a trophy for whatever you want (karate. bowling. whatever) with your own name written on tape in the front and a photo album containing pictures of you with a flock (murder) of crows surrounded by hearts.
teh_maxh · 101 points · Posted at 06:46:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A murder of crows isn't illegal, though. You'd want to be more vague, "I know some people will disapprove" or something.
Songbirds simply refers to the order Passeriformes, and it covers around half of bird species, even birds with not-so-pretty songs.
The law also covers many other native species (birds and other creatures included). Some are federally protected by the Migratory Bird Act as well, which is part of an international treaty.
My 6th-grade science teacher had one in NJ (back in the 90's, anyway), but I think he had to be specially licensed by the Fish and Wildlife department. He worked with a raptor shelter and his pet projects were a trained American Crow named Max and a Great Horned Owl named Kiki. He'd bring them into the classroom a couple times a month if the class was good.
No idea if it was considered a pet or if he'd dodged that with a technicality, though.
[deleted] · 570 points · Posted at 19:24:27 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
a gun, a few boxes of ammo with one of them only half full, and a list of random names (first n last) with some of them crossed out.
[deleted] · 782 points · Posted at 19:52:00 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
This sounds like the beginning of a crazy story where the surviving son takes it upon himself to finish his father's work and then finds out from a friend of his father's that it was just an elaborate prank after the last name has been crossed off..
Yeah, the first part before the elaborate prank bit is essentially the main plot to Arrow.
rg90184 · 16 points · Posted at 23:28:10 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Mainly season 1, then there's an earthquake machine and Captain Jack Harkness is an assassin and things go pretty off the rails when deathstroke shows up in Starling City with super solider serum.
PJL · 7 points · Posted at 02:32:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That doesn't sound far-fetched for Arrow, sadly. Everybody is dead then comes back at one point or another..
rg90184 · 5 points · Posted at 02:52:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, but Oliver saw his dad shoot himself in the head. I think we can rule that out. Just like how Shadow is dead, and Moyra (and thank fuck for that.)
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 01:51:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Untill deathstroke comes, then the show drops the list part.
Yeah, I just started it. I'm mostly joking though, the series has been out for quite a while and it's not like you spoiled something huge like a main character death or a giant plot twist.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:12:49 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun, a picture of JFK, and a map to the grassy knoll.
lirio2u · 2 points · Posted at 01:44:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Extra points when your son or daughter has to continue your life's work.
poobicus · 1 points · Posted at 09:17:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
don't forget the lipstick
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:59:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The crossed out names should be people that the family knew of that had died before they see this..
[deleted] · 1468 points · Posted at 21:29:18 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Myself.
I'll cut a door-sized hole in the basement of my house and excavate a little sub-basement, with a connection to the water and sewer service. I'd love for it to have electricity as well, but it would be wise to ensure that I have some alternative light source, such as wind-up LED lights. Maybe even an excersize bike with a generator and a huge battery.
There will be enough food and water to last a year, and I'll ventilate it with a pipe connected to the chimney of the house's furnace.
It'll be a little bachelor suite with everything I need to survive for a year.
Then I'll go inside and become a missing person.
I will have left behind a will, saying that I leave to my family the entire contents of the safe. It will have the combination mentioned in the will.
When they open the safe to find out what I've left behind for them, they will find me, still alive and well.
taranasus · 1437 points · Posted at 22:40:09 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And if I were your wife, you’d actually be dead within the next five minutes, covered in what’s left of your year supply of food for pulling a stunt like that one and traumatising me with the thought of your death you selfish asshole
Just imagine waking up one morning about 6 months in and forgetting your elaborate plan and just walking out and to the kitchen to get some of the cereal you liked but forgot to stock up on. Your family is just sitting there with their jaws hanging loose, not knowing what to say or do.
the4ndy · 5 points · Posted at 02:45:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This would be really bad because once you "die" on paper, if you aren't really dead, you will have a bad time. Watch the Defcon 23 talk by Chris Rock (not the comedian) called "I Will Kill You"
Funny until you realize there's a chance while your in the safe your wife starts banging your best friend and one of your kids starts drinking to cope and gets killed in a horrible drink driving accident that killed Ryan Reynolds.
I can't handle that pun. Who pronounces mustache as "must ask?" It drives me crazy every time I see it. (Secret stache, now that deserves an upvote)
cdc194 · 15 points · Posted at 02:56:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is fanstashtic!
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 03:14:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's the other way around: "Must ask" is pronounced "mustashe" by some people. Kind of like how some people say "must axe"
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 12:47:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
These puns are unbeardable.
Kittimm · 2 points · Posted at 04:38:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The fact that it's such a reach is what makes it good. Like the father has gone through all this trouble but has settled on a truly horrible pun. Like he gave up interest halfway through setting it up.
Wirehed · 2 points · Posted at 17:38:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sean Connery drunk?
HiddenA · 1 points · Posted at 16:01:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's a reference to a horror movie called the Ring that featured a video tape with demonic like images on it and then you'd die in 7 days when a demon girl crawls out the TV.
dmilin · 6 points · Posted at 07:13:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Does that username ever work out for you?
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 07:23:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[removed]
dmilin · 6 points · Posted at 07:26:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ah. 16 day old account I see. Well, if it works, I would greatly appreciate you taking the time to let me know. I'll be making a new account shortly after.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 07:27:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[removed]
dmilin · 2 points · Posted at 07:30:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Haha. Well I'm off to make a new account then. And good luck to you sir ಠ_ಠ
"I am deeply sorry for that thing I did that ruined your life forever. My heart is full of regret. I only hope you can understand that I did not want to do it, but had no other choice. I know the hurt will never go away, and I know you will never forgive me, but I just hope one day you can understand why I did what I did."
[deleted] · 39 points · Posted at 06:12:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My father in law did exactly this. Upon his passing, after using an air grinder and pry bars for hours, I had to laugh when the only thing in his wall safe was the combo to the safe I just destroyed.
Virus64 · 4 points · Posted at 03:54:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nah, the combination to a safe, and coordinates to a place where you travelled a long time ago.
mytwin_ · 2161 points · Posted at 20:54:31 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Well, I would leave them a key and a note detailing where to find the box to which the key opens. After a long and toilsome journey and the death of a few of my family members, they would find the box. When the key would unlock the box, you would be able to see what I have been coveting all these years, a string. They would decipher the meaning of the string, maybe possible nihilism or maybe a reminder of how one man's trash is another man's treasure.
Only my true love would be able to view past the guise of those lies and pull the string, thereby revealing the pictures of SpongeBob at the Christmas party.
Edit: Leave it to fucking reddit to make a comment about a spongebob reference my second most upvoted post
[deleted] · 367 points · Posted at 20:56:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or just another key to another box with another key to another box with...
mytwin_ · 290 points · Posted at 21:00:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A box of food with in the shape of an E and a question mark along with a balloon heart.
Don't wanna pull a muscle with all that stretching
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 00:16:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"What did he say to us, Patrick? "
"He called us mediocre."
"That's it! We have to make the customer feel special!"
SueKam · 6 points · Posted at 23:22:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
They might eventually have to steal the declaration of independence.
rezwrrd · 6 points · Posted at 05:39:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And then I'll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!
RSP16 · 3 points · Posted at 02:45:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A real-life single-linked-list where the end is all that matters. Someone that teaches beginning computer science should steal this anecdote to explain why we have so many different kinds of data structures in programming.
Zardif · 3 points · Posted at 01:38:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Give them a long drawn out clue chain 20 boxes long that takes them literally all over the country state etc. On the last box put a note saying "here is where my treasure lies the only thing I coveted in this world" and lead them to your wife's plot marker.
lol, no. I just read an article a while back. guy figured out how to create a zip file of some tiny odd size that would trick the unzipping program into saying the file contains itself. It was a really odd size, like 47 bits.
It's called 42.zip, and it can be found online. It's 42 kb of compressed nested zip files that, when decompressed, add up to multiple petabytes of data. It makes some antivirus software asplode.
That's the one. it's 42.zip all the way down. and it's not just petabytes, it's essentially infinite.
Koooooj · 12 points · Posted at 04:06:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
42.zip is not essentially infinite. It is "just" ~4.5 PB (4 PiB) and is quite finite.
At the top level is 16 additional zip archives. Each of those contains a further 16 zip archives, and so on, for 5 levels. At the bottom is a ~4 GiB file.
When you unzip it you get 165 copies of that file. You could make a similar one that has an extra layer for 166 copies of the file, or even more layers, but you can't make it infinite.
Hmm. for all practical purposes, a 167 version might as well be infinite. I can't think of a lot of organizations where 4.5PiB is a realistic amount of storage, either. It'll still crash local storage and memory..
PATXS · 8 points · Posted at 04:16:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I never said it made sense. I fully admit I only barely caught the gist of the article, but it used some odd malformed bit of quasicode of a weird length to commit the trickery. Also, I've since been informed it's actually 42kb, not 47 bits. not sure why I thought 47 bits was important.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:26:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Luckly ferrets are nature's slinkies, able to take a lot of punishment. Ferret prepares a sprurise attack! Crouching low and then leaping at the unexpecting blightedfire.
Boyferret wonders back from getting really really distracted from not taking ADD pills, and wonders what got him of track in the first place.
eikons · 2 points · Posted at 11:47:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Uhh, I don't think 47 bits are enough to even store the file name. Firstly you're talking about bytes. Secondly you're talking about thousands of them, not tens.
fun fact: on most drive access systems, the filename's stored in the boot record, not the file itself. But yeah, it was 42.zip I was thinking of. Still trying to figger where 47 bits came from.
eikons · 2 points · Posted at 22:48:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wanna see some really fascinating compression magic?
Here's a gameplay video of a game compressed into 96KB. It contains all sound, textures, gameplay code and animations in just a fraction of what a single texture normally takes.
Everything is stored as algorithms, rather than data. When you start the game, your PC has to "build" it. It takes like 3-400MB in memory once it's all loaded.
It doesn't cheat in any way - you can actually put it on a 5.25" floppy(three times), put it into a PC that's not connected to the internet and play the game.
I am coloured all sorts of impressed. I wonder how old the system has to be to play it..
rechecks link 2009. Huh. that should be very interesting indeed..
eikons · 2 points · Posted at 23:36:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think it was made in 2006, which was all the more impressive because it contains shader technology similar to Doom 3 which was cutting edge at the time. It has bumpmapping, stencil shadows, realtime lighting, etc. It's a technological marvel.
Not really practical for modern day games because the textures have to be made in a very meticulous method, with somewhat limited freedom. And the 3D models are all just boxes, spheres and cylinders with different transforms (position, rotation, scale).
Still. 96kb is insane. They won a couple of awards for pulling it off, and it pretty much ended the game demo scene (challenge to make super small games). There's not a whole lot more to be accomplished there.
Doesn't matter anyway, the data probably wouldn't be readable. 5.25" floppies haven't been made in a very long time (even 3.5" stopped being manufactured a few years ago unfortunately) and they degrade over time.
In like 15 years I'm planning on starting up production of them again, along with drives for them (floppies really aren't all that difficult to manufacture compared to more modern media) once hipsters/companies using legacy hardware build up enough demand to justify the start up cost
Do you do this too? Every time I see somebody mention a duck on Reddit, I try to summon /u/fuckswithducks too. My phone tries to autocorrect "fucks" with "fuckswithducks."
Matching a hair color? That sounds pretty tough, wouldn't it just be easier to kill someone and put their hair in the safe? Add to the mystery and what not
Recommendation: Truecrypt (yes, I know it's not NSA-proof, but we are talking about uncle Fred here). If done correctly the drive would appear as corrupt and would ask you to format it on connection. Only if you decrypt it with truecrypt can see the content, and for extra security: use a keyfile instead of a password (but then you should be careful to always have a copy of the file you used somewhere).
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 03:57:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If uncle Fred was smart, he'd go to an airport, yell "Allahu Ackbar" with the drive on one of his pockets, and let NSA do the job for him.
Why isn't it NSA-proof? There was a croudfounded security audit done by a third party before Truecrypt was abandoned by developers. They didn't find any serious security issues.
As far as I know, this was more like “we are forced to say this”. Because their recommendation to use bitlocker instead (proprietary solution by Microsoft) is just a joke.
Twist: every box is full, and every pokemon is a level 13 magikarp. Each one has a random series of numbers and letters as a name.
Twisty twist: the names, when read in order per their in-box order, give coordinates and box numbers for safe deposit boxes. The letters are included as part of VINs for the vehicles to which the keys contained in the safe deposit boxes belong.
Even twister twist: inside the glove boxes of these cars are contained notes, leaving each person participating in the search a $13 gift card to blockbuster.
Birdyer · 2 points · Posted at 02:07:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would have the phrase "never gonna give never gonna give-" reapeted for the full 90 minutes until it slowly shifts into a lower pitch, demonic voice, ending with his regular voice saying "give you up"
dan0314 · 1 points · Posted at 07:07:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rick's face in the thumbnail is like "Really? You're falling for this again?"
The world is spherical but people are still trying to cut corners....
Jberg18 · 2 points · Posted at 05:01:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A point can exist at any point on a sphere. Three or more points can connect and make a corner. Therefore any point on the Earth can be a corner of the globe.
Boblles · 2 points · Posted at 06:54:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The "four corners of the earth" refers to north south east west. Old saying.
"Congratulations for making it this far, for finding this box. I know that in doing so, you will have endured hardships, found laughter, experienced unexpected flavors and seen unforgettable vistas. I have no fortune to bequeath to you. But in what time I had on this earth, I learned one true thing: the greatest wealth life offers is nothing more than the memories we carry with us from the living.
You are here for that reason alone. In the journey, you have lived. I cannot offer you money or jewels, power or fame. The fortune I have for you is not in this box. It is now inside each one of you, where it can never be lost, spent, or stolen.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 08:08:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hi. I'm Brian Buchanon. I've been running Buchanon's Glass and Mirrors for the last 43 years. Now, this mirror here looks like a genuine '73 Martin-Cockbread Co Model 8...
JAnon14 · 247 points · Posted at 22:34:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
but he said "So they can see what mattered most to me," indicating that what they would see is what mattered most to him. They would see themselves, so OP was right.
thumpas · 11 points · Posted at 01:18:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But to see can also be used to mean to realize, so that in seeing the mirror, they would realize that he was conceited and self absorbed.
Maybe it's just me but that would be an amazing thing to own just based off the significance. You'd own something hand signed by one of the most impactful people on the history of the planet. Everyone can find something signed by a president online or whatever and even the greatest of THOSE would be amazing but this guy literally caused a war of global proportion to start....and you'd own a book he'd signed
cold08 · 8 points · Posted at 02:20:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How about several Zip Disks filled entirely with low quality quicktime audio files of Van Halen's Jump
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:21:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
cold08 · 3 points · Posted at 02:27:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
but name the files random numbers so that if they find a working zip drive and go through them they have to listen to that opening over and over again until they get to the file that is "It's Not Unusual." Then the rest is just Jump.
Not much of a challenge, I could probably have it dumped in a day of fucking around once I got an old external drive and a USB to parallel adapter off ebay.
No, I've only seen the first episode of season 4. My brother wants to save them and watch one a week -_-
zkinny · 1 points · Posted at 06:41:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just started watching that, but each episode was so stand-alone i don't have any reason to keep watching of that makes any sense. Also some of the actor are kind of bad, but i still really like the setting and some of the dialouge in the show. Did they get a larger budget or otherwise make the series better in the later seasons? I have only watched 4 episodes or something..
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 01:45:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note. "Dear family, if you are reading this then I am dead but it was not an accident. Do not let grandma get away with killing me to cover up for her war crimes I found out about. Search for the black notebook in my house."
A spinning top. They'll all be convinced they're dreaming and try to kill themselves.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 10:47:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Even better, magnetize the top and have a a small rotating magnetic coil built into the safe so it never stops spinning, they open the safe and there it is.
7 passports to different nations (including the one you reside in at the time of your death) with your picture on all of them, and the receipt to an international flower delivery service who, once contacted, will tell your family that they have been paid and instructed to deliver one red rose to an individual in each of those countries every year on your death anniversary. this is the same company that has delivered one red rose to your significant other 10 minutes after your death. Also, 6 love letters addressed to you from 6 female names, and military uniforms from all 7 nations. A frozen vial of your semen, and the phrase "he needed me more. I'm so sorry" written in the back of the safe. Each word is written with the blood of different people, who turn out to be the president/prime minister/king etc of the 7 nations. also foreskin.
[deleted] · 13 points · Posted at 04:00:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Druizzi · 18 points · Posted at 00:19:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A photocopy printer hidden in the back and a camera that takes a picture when the door is opened. When your family opens the safe all they see is a picture of them opening the safe.
It's not really a wtf, but my grandpa actually had a really cool one that he left behind. We all knew of this one safe in his house, but when we opened it we were surprised to find nothing in it other than a note...and on the note were clues and riddles in different languages that he spoke that led to other safes that he had hidden in his house. he was a clever dude. miss that guy
mainly cash, but then also some important documentation. what you would expect to find in safes, pretty much. it was still cool to have to look around the house for them
Dathan88 · 1 points · Posted at 20:26:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
mainly cash, but then also some important documentation. what you would expect to find in safes, pretty much. it was still cool to have to look around the house for them
xBandit · 14 points · Posted at 05:35:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A poop with a second place ribbon on it.
tact8t88 · 11 points · Posted at 07:55:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A microSD card in an envelope with a letter inside saying "i'm so sorry".
Everything on the microSD card would be encrypted. Once decrypted, it would reveal hundreds of photos of anteaters in sweaters.
Tfunky · 32 points · Posted at 22:13:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A miniature doll diorama of the hospital room where I passed away with my love ones around, and a note saying "the dolls have made their decision". And a bottle of makers mark
nhilante · 3 points · Posted at 00:33:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
There was one of those in Vancouver last year in front of the art gallery. You could put your own gum on it, making it a collaboratively built sculpture.
abscando · 73 points · Posted at 19:12:33 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A grammar book.
[deleted] · 60 points · Posted at 20:34:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 01:03:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Lathering stricture to enrapture. Standing matter dead point to slot put-up reach to lull to prepare rabbit fever as far as possible lordly unmentionables scanty monger what wind blows you here? crazy. Showy the pick of the bunch raider cam to multiply soiled. Services over smart guy inboard cabin broad hint to sink down into an armchair mockery unmusical bar liquid make-up. rifle-pit. Post office it is high time. Packet to come across with five dollars to be unwilling to do sg except for tag pointer to talk shop. To keep one's hair on sweeping flight re-entry running mate unmistakably. At first to put in commission living brass to abrade copier to promulgate. Clips bumps in a road relaxation to string, strung to scrape deflector. Unbiassedly salesclerk revetment bogy corresponsive boss cocky waves incentive
ZanSquid · 13 points · Posted at 08:28:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It was pretty amazing. The safe was actually the second step in the story.
My grandad had five kids, who by the time he passed had spread out over multiple countries and were all living very separate lives. He was a solitary, generally silent man- textbook stoic, the sort of classic grandad who would sort of just grunt and say "It's not so bad" if, for example, he'd broken a femur.
Six months before the end of his life, he had a health scare and ended up in hospital, believing he was about to die. My mum was the only one to make it to the hospital initially, since her other siblings were in different states/countries/whatever at the time.
He really believed he was dying, so when my mum showed up as they were wheeling him into surgery, he gripped her arm and said, "When I'm gone- check in the bedside table. You have to remember to check in the bedside table!"
It turned out he wasn't dying that day, and after the surgery he gruffly told my mum not to tell anyone about what he'd said before. So, of course, she called up her sisters that evening and told them.
So, months later, he actually dies (suddenly and painlessly, in his favourite place- his workshop), and the family gather to decide what to do about the funeral and estate. Mum's sister says- "Hey, don't you remember that funny thing he said last time he went into hospital? We should check that out."
They look in the drawer on the bedside table. Nothing. They look in the cupboard of same. Nothing. Then one of their brothers, an electrician by trade, says, "Hey- stop. The wiring on the lamp here looks really weird. Let me check it out."
So they pause while their brother opens up the lamp, and there's a key inside! ...But what to?
The third sister says, "He told me once he had a safe hidden somewhere in the workshop, where he was saving his pension. It could be to that." Cue the five siblings turning the workshop upside down. Buried deep under the raw wood pile (he did a lot of carpentry before his Parkinsons got the better of him), lo and behold, is the safe.
So they dig it out and open it up with the key. Inside is no money, but the aforementioned letter and blueprint. It's in code, they're totally baffled, until the other brother has a lightbulb moment. He relays the story about how, when he was young, their dad used to take him to work on the railways with him. The workers had a special code they used to signal to each other what was going on. He racks his brain, and they do a bit of google-fu, and they crack the code.
It's a message, and instructions. The blueprint, they see, is to the house they all grew up in- that their dad built himself. The letter tells them that he couldn't be more proud of his five kids, and he's set this up as a game to bring them all together. The only people in the world who could work it out are the five of them, and they needed all of them to succeed. If they can't work it out, then they don't deserve the reward, but he knows they will.
There were also directions for his funeral. He'd set it all out already. The rest of the instructions were to use the blueprint to figure out where their reward was hidden.
So the five of them, each clever and successful in different ways, pore over this blueprint for about two days. Eventually they discovered a hidden compartment inside one of the walls, bricked up inside an old chimney that hadn't been used in 40 years or so. There was a big old biscuit tin.
Inside the biscuit tin were individual letters to each of his children, an envelope containing the entire payment for the funeral, and a shit ton of cash. He'd been scrimping and saving his pension for several decades, hiding it away in large notes in this old biscuit tin to give to his kids.
It was a fucking amazing treasure hunt and a master stroke to bring his kids back together one last time. In my lifetime, I knew my grandad only as a gruff old man who sat in his chair and said very little, but quite clearly he'd been planning this in secret for years. What an utter legend.
Have /r/alabamagonewild be the naughtiest thing in your history. No other porn, no dirty searches, nothing. They'll think you feel extremely guilty over looking at some knees and girls reading books.
I think I gotta put it in my will saying when I die my interweb history must be destroyed and if anyone looks at it, nobody get's any inheritance. Also a list of files on my computer to be destroyed. Of course, not like they'd inherit a lot anyway, a shitty old computer and a smelly mattress.
A will which details an impressive amount of treasure you bequeath to family members, but no mention of where it's to be found.
Xaom64 · 8 points · Posted at 20:11:03 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
In a massive walk in safe, multiple mannequins with holes drilled in the eyes and throat, a banana, and four letters addressed to a fake lover, detailing how your work was almost complete and you were ready to leave and live with them.
m-torr · 23 points · Posted at 19:26:01 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A letter that says "I didn't die of natural causes, I was murdered."
Even better. A letter that says something like, "If you're reading this, that means they finally got me. You aren't safe. Now that they got me, you're next."
Speaking of Nirvana. Did you know Coconut Head from the hit TV show Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide can be seen wearing a Nirvana shirt in several episodes?
A bloodstained wooden spike and a small pile of ash
panspal · 7 points · Posted at 22:44:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Picture of myself in old age makeup on a tropical beach we've never been to with "wish you were here" written on the back
phil035 · 7 points · Posted at 23:38:35 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
The cheapest toaster I can get my hands on
Pikalika · 14 points · Posted at 21:27:25 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Huge fucking spider and nothing else. Make sure to create a massive buildup prior to your death
Boobykat · 4 points · Posted at 00:36:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But what's it fucking?
Pikalika · 7 points · Posted at 00:45:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Our hopes and dreams
Budakang · 6 points · Posted at 22:11:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pineapple. No... A wedding ring with an enormous diamond in it. No.... A small booklet in a yellow envelope that says "How I Did It." on the front. Then the pages are all written in a gibberish code.
Lie to your family that you're going to see your old buddy Charles in (insert city) for a few days. Secretly go to bizarre and obscure archaeological sites abroad, taking photos and creating detailed journals as if you're on some sort Indiana Jones style quest to unlock some great mystery. Make sure to also include lots of candid photos of yourself at the aforementioned sites. Sketch plenty of mysterious symbols for bonus points. Conclude your journal with: 'After much deliberation I have come to the conclusion that I have no other option but to cross over to the other side where the answer lay hidden. I am not sure when but I'll return once I have completed their task, and then finally, humanity will be ready to move on to the next plane of existence. The 17 are waiting"
Hide the journal along with the photographs in any suitable location where there is a good chance for it to be discovered within a few years time.
Alternatively, use your uber photoshop skills to shoop the aforementioned photographs.
AjCheeze · 8 points · Posted at 02:48:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Box of Blood slides. Along with a set of precision knifes maybe some plastic wrap and ducttape.
I put a fake skeleton in a gap behind a wall. I was doing some remodeling and had a 2x3' space I couldn't use. I dressed it in worn clothes I was going to get rid of. Now if I ever move and the new owners renovate or tear down the house. SURPRISE!!!!
A note Referencing a note to a fictional friend. "Be sure to ask Jimmy about the stash of money I had kept secret from the IRS. Jimmy is to get an even share of that money. Each of the nieces/nephews is only to receive $20,000. The other family members and Jimmy to receive the lions share of stash evenly divided." Let the treasure hunt begin.
athennna · 5 points · Posted at 00:34:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note that says "It's in the other safe."
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 01:03:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A monkey paw with two of the fingers in, showing only two of the wishes were used.
An extremely well crafted copy of your head in a sealed preservation jar labeled, "Specimen 1", accompanied by various other unidentifiable biological specimens.
I do too! But that's not the point. It's going in a safe for when you're dead years from now.
3nvisi0n · 3 points · Posted at 01:53:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't know about that, the Staples near my home still sells a USB floppy disk reader. I imagine others do also.
And they are actually still used in some places, back in January I had to help recover data off a floppy that held lighting cues for a show that evening. The light board still used floppy.
They'll just use a 3D printer to print out a floppy disk drive, or some other method of extracting the information. Maybe an AI will give it a look over, and just realize the information contained within. I just don't think it will really keep anyone out in such a long time from now.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 20:57:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hell, why not go the whole hog and make it a Betamax?
A very expensive wedding ring that is engraved with "To Steve, my beloved now and forever." I'm a straight male, and we just got gay marriage legalized. My family would have so many questions.
My friend's aunt died last month. She was a foul old witch. Bad hoarder, to boot. They found a safe in her house. Some guy at the estate sale opened it for them.
Porn. Bunches of porn. And what was described to me as "an apparatus." That safe has replaced all the contents of my nightmares.
peon2 · 5 points · Posted at 00:05:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just one piece of paper. Only thing on it is the combination to the locked safe.
Top_Wop · 4 points · Posted at 00:15:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Leave a key and a note that says "here's the key to the safe deposit box, spend the money as you wish." Of course, don't leave any bank's name.
An elaborate hoax. I write note written in some fake language that I made up that is vaguely based on ancient languages. Then draw some weird symbols and shit with pictures of aliens and whatever.
Not only will I mess with my family's heads, I will baffle conspiracy theorists all over the world.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 00:32:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key. It doesn't actually open anything, but they'll be left to wonder what it opens, and why the key had to be stored in a safe.
Myexbff · 5 points · Posted at 00:41:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a single, spent bullet casing.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 00:51:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
inb4 another safe
sirbeast · 4 points · Posted at 00:59:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would get in the safe, close it, and commit suicide. That would probably fuck them up a bit when they opened it after days...weeks...months...maybe years of searching for me after I mysteriously disappeared.
endou15 · 4 points · Posted at 01:38:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a locked safe inside the safe with naked pictures of myself holding a bible some soap on a roap a large knife a list of random names and a message stating that payments have been received.
Sam, Dean, I don't have much time. He has an angel blade. I fear it is the end for me. This vessel was a hunter, so I know she would want a proper hunter's funeral. Salted and burned, as is traditional. I will try to hold him off, but it is likely I will not survive. Dean: Please, do not waste your life mourning my passing. Just try to live. Grieve, but do not allow it to get in the way of your happiness. I love you. Sam: Make sure that your brother can move on. I just want him to be happy. -Castiel
And then there's a half-drawn Devil's Trap, and right in the middle of it, all that's left of me is a bloody trenchcoat.
Lezin410 · 6 points · Posted at 05:46:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of fake paperwork for accounts in the Cayman Islands under your name.. They'll spend eternity lookin for that shit.
Vodis · 3 points · Posted at 21:24:51 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A book of spells written in a made up language using your own blood as ink. Necronomicon meets Voynich manuscript meets Blood Qur'an. Besides messing with your family's heads, it would have the added benefit of being totally metal.
Tampax, a Rey Mysterio mask and a Waterboys album.
dekket · 3 points · Posted at 21:56:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Several bags of blood. Not yours. They'll be scratching their heads for quite a while.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 22:00:30 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cryptogram that is utter nonsense (but make it well enough that there is some pattern to it) that is attached to another piece of paper that says, "Come here to follow the truth. Ingest the strips Before your arrival."
A picture of your self and another man who looks exactly like you, or a shopped photo with 2 of you in it, and a short paragraph about how your twin brother is evil and must be stopped. Include a journal detailing every evil thing your brother tried and how you stopped him. The journal can end one of two ways, number one being that he replaced you, number two being that you killed him.
Bonus points if you include some guns (maybe a bonus locker with more), a very large knife (think Rambo style Bowie knife), and memorabilia from when you stoped your brother.
If you are a good author then they can publish it and then you have just given them guns, some cool memorabilia from around the world, or at least the country, and a good book that can publish and provide some extra cash for them.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 22:26:03 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A small wooden box with vials of blood and a bag of used condoms with pictures of of people who look like Jennifer Lawrence. At the bottom of the box there's a map with a random point in the mountains drawn in and a note that says "she's waiting".
I'd leave them the rarest of pepes and of course a detailed explanation of how Bush did 9/11 including fake blueprints, recipe for explosives and of course a photoshopped picture of me with Bush and Bin Laden planning it all out
A very large Dildo with a babydoll head attached to the tip; double points if it's standing straight up on a trophy base with "First Place!" on the plate.
L0ngp1nk · 3 points · Posted at 23:07:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
There is currently a photo of some kid behind my dishwasher. I found this out when I had to do some maintenance and ended up pulling it out from under the cabinet. Scared the shit out of me when I found it because I wasn't expecting it. I'm assuming it was the one of the previous owners grandkids. I left it there to mess with the next guy that owns this house.
CBate · 3 points · Posted at 23:10:54 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fake passports and IDs, gun, and a large amount of cash.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 23:20:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A photo of me with a bloody knife in an old building.
xompeii · 3 points · Posted at 23:41:37 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
since, they're all super conservative christians, I think a few satanist guides, a wican spell book, some slightly used black candles, and a spell bag would be great.
I'm actually planning something like this. I'm collecting bottle caps. Lots of them. I figure I have another 50 solid years to build my collection. I'm going to have a storage locker and make occasional trips to add to the collection. I'm then going to store the addendum to my will in the storage shed as well, (and with a lawyer who is in on the joke), and my will is going to read that my children will only inherit the storage shed and that the shed has an addendum to my will with instructions on how to divide my estate among charity (which is something I would actually consider if my kids are well off).
They'll get there and it's just going to be piles upon piles of bottle caps. Hundreds of thousands. Just so many. I'm going to have friends in on the joke adding to my collection. Then there is going to be ONE box. It's also going to be full of bottlecaps, but will have a partially exposed will in it. The will is going to tell them that they get my estate per stirpes and that I love them and this is the last joke I wanted to play on them.
My mom's friend's father had one of these in real life... but it wasn't a prank.
He was within his last days in the hospital and his daughter(My mom's friend) was getting something from his house and found a box in his closet. She looked in the box and was frozen with confusion. It was pictures of her dad, in woman's clothing... and a wig... with other men in women's clothing... and wigs. These pictures weren't from his college days as a gag, they were recent and sincere. She asked him about it and he told her everything, he was on his deathbed, might as well.
His wife had passed a few years prior, he always felt trapped in his body. He said he was happiest in his life during these last years being able to be himself with others who shared his orientation. He could never come out because he would be shunned and shamed in his town.
When he passed his daughter found the boxes of women's clothing he wore in the attic.
It's based off of a short story by W. W. Jacobs in 1902 called "The Monkey's Paw". The paw grants three wishes to the holder but each wish comes with a terrible price.
rinnip · 3 points · Posted at 01:28:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A deposit box key with no bank ID attached. It'll drive 'em nuts.
a ziplock bag filled with lard and a bit of baby oil, then get a label made that looks like it came from Nasa and the word "Positive" in big red letters after "test results".
JosephND · 3 points · Posted at 02:12:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A thumb drive.
Loaded on it is a .rar and a .txt file. The txt leads your family on a promising trip to get some crazy award.. Like a list of coordinates to a buried lockbox of money and deeds (all tucked away in the rar). Mention that the password is impossible to crack because it's like a bunch of symbols and shit.
The .rar is full of pictures of Nicholas Cage's face photoshopped onto lingerie models. All but one. A photo of a Nic from National Treasure. Put GPS coordinates on it that lead to some random place in an obscure country you've visited.
There will be an actual lockbox at that location, and inside of it.. A thumb drive.
Dr_Hix · 3 points · Posted at 02:12:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Bible that the first four pages have been ripped out of. Tucked in the cover is a list of four codenames. Three have been crossed out. Also, an envelope with the fourth name written on it. Inside the envelope is one of the missing pages from the bible with a black spot on it.
A letter telling your family to find a reddit thread that asks what should be put in a safe to mess with your family after your death so your family can award the winner
Wumbsy · 3 points · Posted at 02:48:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A newspaper clipping of a totally innocent event that I'm completely uninvolved in. Like maybe "Firefighters spread fire safety message in schools" from a newspaper in an area I've never been to (e.g. some non-capital city in the USA, because I'm Australian). Bonus points for highlighting random phrases - "teaching students to stop, drop, and roll", or making it look like I've held and read over the article several times.
foreign currency in a language that doesn't belong to any currency on this earth. "See you soon" a map with no labels, an english to (gibberish) travel guide, things like "where is the bathroom?" (insert translation in made up script and language) and various paraphernalia hinting that I've gone to another dimension.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 04:05:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I will write letters every year for everyone, including someone fictional. I will not make it clear he isn't real and when they crack it open to try to discover who the mystery man is, they will find an elaborate love letter. Only when they attempt to discover his full identity on the holonet will they know. Or that particular side character will be so obscure, the next family genealogist will talk about grandma's affair.
Or my husband will outlive me, and die laughing.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 05:46:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
xVoodoux · 3 points · Posted at 06:10:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Remember the Bourne Identity, when he gets that safety deposit box with the gun and money and passports, etc? That. With random fake emails from supposed officials detailing assignments and whatnot.
i don't know about WTF, but if you just want to mess with them then get a gun safe and put a smaller safe in that, then maybe an even smaller safe inside that safe.
I would make this whole quest thing, revisit my greatest moments and my lowest days, all to find clues to this one hidden vault that contains my darkest secrets and my best memories, they're have to figure out a really complex code to get in, and when they got into it, all they'd find is "Fuckin' smartass."
1 really old looking dollar bill of some other currency and I bunch of maps and really I'd just like to send someone on a wild goose-chase. Maybe I'd actually go and bury something. Like that parody comic of The Shawshank Redemption.
Freihl · 3 points · Posted at 13:20:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A canister of highly pressurised laughing gas that fills the room (put the safe in a small room) and a fucking shit ton of hand sized but harmless spiders.
Bonus points for installing an automated lock on the safe room door which locks on closing for 5 minutes.
Dunno why but it would definitely fuck with em
B0h1c4 · 3 points · Posted at 13:23:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I came up with this idea in another thread like this a few months back...
I would leave a letter apologizing that I was able to make a substantial amount of money in the stock market and selfishly did not share it with my family. Instead, I maintained a warehouse full of priceless cars. I would ask them to be careful in finding the right buyer for each car and ensure they get a fair price. Especially for the Ferrari Daytona and Ford GT40.
Then I would include keys to the warehouse and a bunch of authentic keys from Lamborghini, Pagani, Bentley, Rolls Royse, etc.
But I neglect to provide an address of this warehouse.
Granted, I would have to spend a large amount of money just getting the keys, but it would still be pretty awesome. My family would live out their lives thinking they were the heir to an enormous automotive fortune and just hoping they will be able to discover it at some point.
Of course this would spur a deep investigation into all of my belongings which will reveal embarrassing sex toys, pornography, and every skeleton in my closet... So it may have a downside.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:20:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Of course this would spur a deep investigation into all of my belongings which will reveal embarrassing sex toys, pornography, and every skeleton in my closet... So it may have a downside.
It doesn't matter, you're dead anyway.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:35:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nothing. Just claw marks on the inside.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 14:18:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hide speakers around house
Put a button inside safe
Once pressed, the speakers will play a spooky demonic-ish sound like monsters coming out of secret basement
After a hour, another system inside the safe shall release a small note that reads "i got you good eh?"
airlew · 3 points · Posted at 14:25:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Located in a watchbox with all my personal affacts in my chest of drawers is a little baggy of the Blue Meth rock candy from Breaking Bad. That ought freak someone out.
Decorate the inside of the safe like a gingerbread house, then in the middle of the safe leave a didlo suction cupped to the floor of the safe with an ice pick sticking into the tip and a picture of Alphonso Riviera taped to the shaft.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:37:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Maybe not my family but after all of these safe openings on Reddit over the last few years I've thought about what would be funny to leave behind. Maybe something incredibly difficult to open, followed by an incredibly difficult to crack hard drive with nothing on it but a RickRoll.
This is similar to my plan. Mine is to leave a note in the will, with a complicated set of clues taking you all over Reddit, following a switch-er-roo all the way to the end, only to find an abandoned subreddit that I've borrowed for this task, giving them clues leading to every vacation spot I've ever taken, with the last one leading them to the hidden panel inside the original safe. Inside the panel is another, smaller safe containing a balloon with a piece of paper inside. Upon popping said balloon, they will discover one line:
A note instructing them to post the safe in reddit for karma.
Evan_4 · 2 points · Posted at 21:59:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
You gotta go all Bourne identify with the safe. Have a big ass safe with like a gold watch on top then under it have a removable bottom with TONS of different currency, a bunch of passports (in different names, with different pictures of you with different hairstyles and hair colors) and your trusty black handgun. Bonus points if you put what ever else a secret agent would have in their fake bottom'd safe. Here's a picture from the Bourne Identify that shows how Jason Bourne's safe Link
P.S. Extra bonus points if your safe is at the NICEST bank in your city. It would make your family think wtf is he a spy or something.
Several urine samples labelled with different years. A series of old photographs (not digital) of abandoned homes with corresponding dates written on the back. A coded ledger that includes jibberish about these dates and others.
a note with the combination to the "big safe" buried somewhere in the yard. The note does not say where it is location and the "big safe" does not exist.
On my deathbed I want to give a life insurance policy to some hot 17 year old girl, just some random girl. I would demand she shows up at the will reading. I would include a message to keep the secret that would be read aloud.
My grandson walks in a huge safe, to discover solid gold CD labeled "the key to my riches". He opens it, puts it in his computer, and it's 5 hours of rickrolling. The twist? At exactly 4 hrs 20 min - 4 hrs 21 min, the coordinates and combination to my REAL riches are displayed.
Could I recommend doing a voice-over instead? It's too easy to find written-out text since you'll find there are players have little thumbnails as you hover over the progress bars. A minute of carefully skimming over it would make the minute of displayed text be found rather easily. :)
Voice differences aren't as easy to pick out when visualized in waveforms, as long as you keep to roughly the same volume. Of course, more detailed audio analysis could exist, but I don't think most people would quite take it that far.
I was an estate attorney for a few years. Opening a safety deposit box was always a little like Christmas. You were hoping for stock certificates and titles to vehicles but that rarely was the case. Weirdest one was a huge safety deposit box for a client who was a bit of a hoarder. All that was in there were two collectible Budweiser beer steins. Worth a whopping $10 combined when researched on eBay. Her estate was worth around $4 million dollars. I hated that job.
I left a note in a safe that was in a hotel room I stayed in once. I wrote. I know what you did. I know who you are. Soon I will know where you live. Sleep well.
In your will, write that you kept something in your safe. Then quote Bentley and write "the combination has got to be 7-5-9" and when your family opens it, have that Sly Raccoon cutout sitting there
A well-used, heavily annotated adventurer's journal a la Nathan Drake written in French, with the last page being a final confession sorta message, written in English, in blood, with half of a treasure map attached and the last line being a clue on how to find the other half in the form of a rhyming couplet.
NycJP · 2 points · Posted at 03:16:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pick one member of your family and casually mention to them that you have a safe. When they ask what's in it, tell them "Listen... do not EVER... EVER... look in that safe, do you understand me? NEVER. Under ANY circumstances." Bring it up in the natural course of conversation every now and then and build up their curiosity to unbelievable levels. Then, when you die, don't mention the safe in your will. Undoubtedly the person you choose will volunteer to take the safe after the funeral.
When they finally crack it open, have a plaque in it, engraved with the words "(name of family member), I told you not to look!" Nothing else should be in the safe.
You'll go down in family history as the best prankster in the world.
a horse dildo, a jar of relish, and exactly sixty four cents ,all delicately wrapped in separate sheets of baby pink tissue paper. along with your will, stating that these items are to go to [insert third favorite relative], and that plan 8 is initiated, they know what to do.
Jingy_ · 2 points · Posted at 03:49:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
1: A stack of cash, something like 5 or 10k (fake if you want to half ass it. real if you really want to sell the bit) (I suppose fake gold coins/bars might work instead)
2: A hand gun.
3: The best random "mysterious object" you can make/find (A little black box with buttons/lights and random electronics inside. A metal coin/amulet with gibberish markings on it. A fakely aged photo of you with a date far before your birth. Whatever.)
4: A note that says "If I'm dead then it means I failed. They will be coming for you next, you're not safe. Take this and run, NOW! I left everything you'll need to know in a safe deposit box at X bank in X".
5: A "safety deposit box" style key.
But here's the kicker, you need to find a bank somewhere that has recently burned down(or been destroyed any other way), and use that to fill in the "X"s of the note (you could also substitute a "bus/train station locker" key, instead of the bank box).
Now, you'll have to put some work into keeping this "up to date", Because if the "bank" was "destroyed" too long before your death, then surely you "would have found out and changed your plan/arrangements", so you'll have to keep updating the note so that it'll remain believable that even though it was destroyed before your death, you "just hadn't learned about it yet".
Have a section in your will detailing where the safe is hidden in your house (ex: behind the coats in the closet). Also, detail the contents of the safe (money, coins, gold, diamonds, Declaration of Independence, etc.).
Whoever is "gifted" the safe and its contents then go to the home to recover it.. and all that is there is a one cubic foot hole cut into the wall behind the coats. Now, you've got a crazy person wondering where the hell their riches are.
overtoke · 2 points · Posted at 04:11:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So I've played the long con of not liking vegetables with my parents. Which was true until I met my girlfriend who made me eat them. My parents would tease me in the beginning of our relationships about her changing me. I would always just laugh it off, I lost weight, studied more often,etc. She always takes picture of me enjoying any salad she makes and threatens to show my parents when I annoy her. So I would leave a huge album of me enjoying all the veggies I never ate for them.
A small middle aged Chinese man...who was actually some actor I paid. I would make him pretend he had no memory of the last 20 years, as if he'd just woken up then. See what they think of that.
It would be a walk-in safe. The back of the safe would be a stone wall, with cement in the cracks holding the wall together and 1 stone obviously a bit looser than the others. In the safe would be 6 months supply of food and water, a lightbulb designed to last 6+ months, and a small metal spoon. As the person entered the safe, the door would close behind them and lock, trapping them inside as the lock fuses. After a few days the person would see that the only way out was to use the spoon to dig the mortar away from the looses block. After weeks of digging, they would finally break off enough mortar to pull the stone out, revealing a short gap followed by another stone, this one with fresh mortar. In the gap between the stones would be a shiny new spoon, and a note saying "hope is a wonderful thing".
VicRambo · 2 points · Posted at 04:50:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I always thought a pound of heroin and $3000 cash would do the trick.
A single video tape labeled "Nicole Brown, security system backup -- June 12, 1994", A cancelled check from Robert Kardashian for 2 million dollars, and a contract stating that this tape will be destroyed.
If I'm feeling up to the task, the tape will have some very grainy footage of an OJ lookalike singing Never Gonna Give You Up.
Meykel · 2 points · Posted at 05:42:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Given insane resources I'd do something like this. In the back of the safe there should be a collection of notebooks. One per person in your household. Contained within these notebooks would be the most meticulously written out schedule of each individual persons daily routine,mixed with some slightly malicious notes sprinkled throughout the books. There should be so much information per person that the only explanation is that you had hired a crew of people to monitor everyone at all times. Because that's exactly what I did. Reading the books doesn't reveal some sort of insidious plot to kill my family or that I'm some sort of spy or something. It's just a really really dark joke To mess with there heads. Here's an example:
Judy September 14 2015
00h.10m - She moved in her sleep again!
00h.23m - Getting up for a late night piss, 00h.03m slower then usual, must've been that glass of water she didn't fully drink yesterday( as if water grows on trees, the bitch)
02h.46m - She moved her arm and grazed the nightstand, woken up
Etc etc
With a little bit of technology that probably isn't quite invented yet: Some sort of e-paper display that just looks like a scrap of discarded parchment. There's a tiny power source and microcomputer that updates the display to the current day's date, written in fancy handwriting. And a light sensor configured such that when the safe is opened, light falling on the sensor causes the current date to be locked in.
A list of all of their names with only a few crossed out and random sentences scrawled next to the ones crossed out saying things like: "incredibly moist", "with a texture of creamed pudding", "bumpy, a little itchy" ... next to this list vials of blood like substance with the crossed names labelled on them. And empty vials with the names of those not crossed off on them.
Medical ID bracelets that prove I was in hospitals multiple times. When really I've been interacting with them at home, and then they begin to question if I was actually real. They don't really want to talk about it with other people so everyone thinks I wasn't real but doesn't ask to confirm because they feel it'd seem awkward and/or crazy.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:41:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My head.
"What the fuck, didn't we burn him with that?"
pg2441 · 2 points · Posted at 07:41:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A short, faded note, on an old piece of paper saying:
"If you want to know where I hid the bodies, (rest of text is illegible)."
A hatchet with the blood of an unsolved murder victim on it. The hatchet will of course not match any of the victims wounds or anything, nor was it used in the actual murder. It will just be a hatchet I bought, bribed my way to some blood from some random victim whose crime will probably never be solved. I'll leave it in the safe with the victim's first name on it and the date they supposedly died. This will leave my family with thoughts of whether I was a serial killer or something and the story will be past on generations to come.
DiDalt · 2 points · Posted at 07:59:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A list of all my family members. I would have the family members listed in the order of who died first to the youngest of my family with me somewhere in the middle. I would cross out every name before mine, leaving mine to be the next name to be crossed out.
Example: great grandma, great grandpa, grandpa, grandma, uncle nick, aunt marie, sister heather, My Name, brother rick, wife tina, son james, son joe, daughter tisha, grand daughter rachelle, unborn grandson thomas, ect...
Cross out every name down to Sister Heather and leave my name uncrossed as if I am the next to die; hinting that Brother Rick would be the next to go.
moogod · 2 points · Posted at 07:59:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The Necronomicon
xyz66 · 2 points · Posted at 08:19:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'd start ahead of time. A couple times a year, look through obituaries or online sources for shootings in the area/state, specifically ones with a certain type of caliber(9mm for example) and whenever I can find one, I'd write the victim's name on a list, then cross it out and keep it in the safe alongside with a gun of the same caliber.
Boom, now they think that their recently deceased relative was a secret serial killer.
A babies skull tied with red ribbon over the eye sockets and "beloved (son/daughter)" printed in gold lettering on one end of it, maybe some dried daisies scattered around the box for effect.
Ardub23 · 2 points · Posted at 08:20:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'd get a stranger to handwrite the following note:
Dear family,
This will be my final attempt. If this doesn't work, then I'm convinced I'll never be free of this.
My name is Laura [my last name], but you don't remember me. Every time I've spoken to you or anyone else in the last four years, that person thinks I'm a stranger they're meeting for the first time. Then as soon as their back is turned I'm lost to them again – their memory wiped by some cruel force. One minute I'm a vagabond playing music on the street, and the next I was never there at all.
There are no loopholes in the curse that envelops my life. Every photograph of me is erased, every note I write appears blank, every piece of evidence I leave behind is written off as a coincidence or an act of God. This note only exists because of a bitter turn of events, and only at great cost to myself. Trust me, none of you could understand how I've secured this note for you, even if I had room to explain it here. I've explained it to all of you before. You all admitted, before you forgot me, that you'd never understand it. And none of you ever discovered a trick to circumvent my curse.
But I've come to accept that. Even if I can never prove I exist, I can at least try to show that my love for each of you exists. Even I don't fully understand how my curse came to be, but for four years I've done nothing but sacrifice to show you the love you deserve. Even this note, as I mentioned, comes at a great cost.
Appreciate the miracles in your life. They were me. Savor the happy coincidences. They were me. Remember the song in your heart, for it is me.
Scrap book showing how you built the time machine that inspired H.G. Wells' story. Traveled to the future, and decided to settle down, until you "faked" your death to continue forward in time
jackador · 2 points · Posted at 08:28:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I am looking forward to the safe openings posts in 10-20 years time.
Another safe, which is older than the exterior safe.
Insert safe after safe after safe until your heirs get to an old mouldy safe that's basically just earth and wood flakes and looks like it outdates the Garden of Eden.
What do you put inside the inner-most safe? That doesn't matter at all. As any Redditor will tell you, when it comes to safes it's all about the process and not what they hold.
Hoax13 · 2 points · Posted at 09:03:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This picture ,a handful of coins and some clothes from this time. A journal describing my affair with her and my attempts to return to the past again. Again.
panzin · 2 points · Posted at 09:03:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single chess piece. Make it a bishop.
bawsette · 2 points · Posted at 09:06:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
word your honest thoughts and feelings and the truth behind everything story
A blood stained bowie knife wrapped in a blood stained handkerchief accompanied with a piece of scrap paper with a list of random names on it two of which have been crossed out.
socalso · 2 points · Posted at 09:16:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe.
poobicus · 2 points · Posted at 09:19:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Kazin7 · 2 points · Posted at 10:02:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun with bullets, bunch of fake passports with my picture and fake names, small bags filed with baking soda (BAKING SODA, I GOT BAKING SODA WOP WOP) list of names, some being crossed out and a couple of wigs/gloves
brx1997 · 2 points · Posted at 10:04:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key
Xenjael · 2 points · Posted at 10:25:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A condom with a giant rip in it. Stapled to a card that reads, 'This is why my firstborn exists.'
br0wnb0y · 2 points · Posted at 10:27:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
this actually happened to a family I knew.
Upon the death of one of our neighbours, his wife was given access to his bank boxes. One of them contained a box, with a diamond ring (very expensive) with an engraving that said "To My love" and a date... that was before my neighbours met and got married.
My mom was this woman's gossip buddy so there was tons of thoughts from he had wanted to marry someone else to he had an affair when they were married. This woman honestly was going through a lot but feared the worst and went through so many different thoughts lol.
Absolutely nothing, but make the safe almost impossible to actually open, the family will gradually past pictures online leading up to a big reveal, and a big let down. Meeting with the heads of millions.
80Xan · 2 points · Posted at 11:59:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A compilation of floppy disks each with part of a huge compressed file in it, once unzipped together it's just a viral kid like the trolling song or rick ashley.
God forbid one of those floppy disks failed though
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:05:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Newspaper clippings of random obituaries around the country, collected over the span of years, preferably coinciding with documentable time you've spent there.
This is a bit of a longer story that happened to my greatgrandfather:
My Greatgrandfather and his brother grew up here in Northrhine Westphalia (A German state on the western boarder of Germany). During WW1 my great great uncle faught on the eastern front and met his future wife there. My great grandfather died on the western front but my great grandma stayed in touch with her brother in law. WW2 came and went. My grandpa was too young to fight (even if he wanted to) and my great great uncle work in a factory and his work was deemed "essential to the war effort" so he didn't fight either. After the war my great great uncle stayed in the east which now became the GDR. Over time the two parts of the family got out of touch. When my great great uncle died my great grandmother was informed though since they had found some of her letters in his safe and wanted to inform her. He had died in a work accident so nothing out of the ordinary. No will was found so they looked and found one in his safe. More interestingly they had found a notebook with notes about remarks people in the family, friends and collegues at work had made. Turns out my dear great great uncle had been spying on and ratting out his whole family and everybody around him to the party as an inoffizieller Mitarbeiter. Even got a cousin of his wive locked up. Nobody had suspected him because they had assumed he would be the first to riot against the party because he couldn't visit home in the west or see his family. The bastard didn't give a shit about either side of the family. He sucked up all the socialist propaganda and believed it too.
Clang96 · 2 points · Posted at 13:51:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
palmtwee · 2 points · Posted at 13:57:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A filled diary (or even better, a series of diaries) with dates starting from MM/DD/2560, leading to a transition with time travel to MM/DD/present. Continue diary as if normal, and put in actual events from present day.
The events from present day will affirm the "authenticity" of the diary.
Chancoop · 2 points · Posted at 15:57:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I know a guy that will burn everything I own when I die. No questions asked. I'm not leaving anything in a safe.
paddirn · 2 points · Posted at 15:59:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A set of GPS coordinates for random McDonalds restaurants in your state, followed by what looks like combination lock numbers (ex. 3-54-15). Then a picture of somebody dressed in a smoking jacket with the words "Beware the Marquis" scrawled on the back (preferably in blood). Obviously the hilt of a Nazi dagger should be thrown in as a red herring, but the gold ring with the initials "E.G.H." would be the real deal.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:01:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I thought the question said, "What's a WTF item to leave in a safe with your family's heads when you die?"
dralcax · 2 points · Posted at 16:07:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Naked pictures of yourself as a child (like in a bathtub) and legit looking notebooks filled with stories about wanting to have sex with yourself in the past and theories on how to create a time machine so it looks like you're really trying to do it.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:18:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Make some models of your ears, cast them in silicon paint them up bloody and bruised and make a string of them... a Necklace of ears. Then small, insane little phrases on napkins "They can't hear me anymore" "The voices still scream, but nobody is listening" something on that line.
A list of disasters which follow the dates they occurred on. The ones that have happened would be crossed out and I would leave ones in the future uncrossed
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:37:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would leave behind a ton of photo albums, some "mysterious" contacts, a layout of our house, the names and contacts of our family, and a detailed journal. The journal would begin on some arbitary date, where I write "Was sent to the mission. Sucessfully assassinated u/ThaPivMaster, dumped into Brazillian volcano. Posing as a doppleganger". Then I would write out some more important occurences in the week, add some mumbo jumbo about needing to work on your languages and secret operations in the International Space Station. I would write this for probably 10-20 years, then in some arbitary date I would write about how I found out about the unethical methods of control the agency had established, and how you managed to escape them, but how you're still in danger. The log would have a section about the family and how since you've been sent to this mission you have really fallen in love with u/ThaPivMaster 's SO and family, and how you will do anything in your power to protect them from the agency's top specialists. Since then the amount of logs would slow down to random dates, separated by weeks, months, even years. The logs after the escape from the agency would be about trying to expose it, and fighting off the specialists. Eventually I would start a rebellion against the agency and reform it with force. As it was reformed, I would write about how I'm too old to be a part of it and my last log would be about how I want to retire and live out the rest of my days in peace.
My wife and I are buying an old house that has a 5 ft. high room through a small door in the back of a storage room in the basement. The room is super creepy and has a manhole in the ceiling that leads to the car port (although it's been paved over on the surface). We plan on putting a desk in there with lots of maps, documents in Russian and a large hammer and sickle on the wall. Maybe some old radio equipment if we can find it. Then we plan on putting a shelving unit in front of the door and leaving the room untouched. Then when we have kids the kids can discover it on their own and think their parents are potentially soviet spies. Or if we move it will be a fun surprise for the future owners. It will take a long time to pay off, but it will be worth it.
That one symbol for illuminatti. They'll always wonder.
mjstorm · 3 points · Posted at 21:00:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A journal full of complex mathematical equations and sketches suggesting that they may be instructions for building a time machine. Bonus for including "Eureka!" somewhere in the margins.
sloansta · 3 points · Posted at 22:47:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bomb that activates a timer as the safe door is opened and a note on the bomb that reads "Allahu akbar"
The drawings would be maybe of electronics and I would like to ensure the message either means I was from another time or an alternate dimension.
I suppose I could also make a whole season on DVD of a show that never existed with unknown actors that would look very professional. However there is just something off like little things with the clothing as well as the language and anything written in the show. Think like Friends or Seinfeld but done in some twisted reality where maybe slapping a woman's Tits is accepted as well dick grabbing but taking off ones shoes in public gets your ass kicked. Just a real strange culture to it that is vaguely like ours only not
ventin · 1 points · Posted at 02:17:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
open can of sardines
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:43:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well done Photoshop of you with a team of nazi scientists in a box with an iron cross.
Or a suppressed pistol vacuum sealed in oil and some foreign currency .
The biggest floppiest stupidest looking dildo you can find.
So my parents would be confused and my brother would chuckle and shake his head.
Shamson · 1 points · Posted at 03:16:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A picture of the next model up of safe, circled in red.
jrteeter · 1 points · Posted at 03:17:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Costume Jewelry
True story: my mom died of lung cancer at the age of 61 a couple months back and she inherited all of my grandmother's jewelry and kept it in a safe.
Well when she passed the vultures started circling. There was maybe 40 rings, lots of earrings and two rolex watches (one was my mothers and the second was my grandmothers -- both purchased by my grandmother) and numerous other things.
There was no will and it was difficult for my brother and I to hold off family members that wanted things. A cousin was given my grandmother's wedding bands. Another cousin got my great grandmother's wedding ring (my mom wanted it to go to her) and then my brother and I split the rest.
My great grandmother's wedding ring is the only thing that was real. Everything else was high end costume jewelry and stuff bought off QVC. And people have fought over this stuff for 20 years like it was worth something.
I would just stuff it full of dildos. Like, so full I'd have to stand on the door for it to latch closed. then when they open it the door springs open and dildos just explode outwards. And at the very back would be a picture of Michael Moore.
A photo of some complete stranger, preferably a photo from 20+ years earlier. On the back of the photo write either "Forgive me" or "They will never find you."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:46:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cum box
morli · 1 points · Posted at 03:49:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pulled from a real thing a 4 chan poster did, with slight modifications. Assuming you are male, er..... Make some happy time, and collect the results on cling wrap. Let it dry and then put the results in a little baggy. Crush it into a powder. The 4 chan poster dropped it in nightclubs and watched people snort the substance. But just leaving it a safe would be really unsettling and confusing.
I shit you not. I have this small iron chest that I keep precious things in. Among those goods is a paper map that has a few trails marked in nearby areas and one big fat red X with some vague instructions regarding the location. It genuinely is meant to look like notes left for myself incase I couldnt find "it". Should a friend or family ever go there, should they manage to actually get teh right spot, they would find a decent clearing I camp at often and a slab of concrete with an inscription I made in it when drunk-
"This stone made by man, marks nothing at all, and I hope I never forget how to find it"
I know deep inside, that anyone in my life that found it, would be equally pissed at me and overjoyed. Its my legacy
tscy · 1 points · Posted at 04:48:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An 8mm tape of a woman I had murdered because I could do it.
Xytaruka · 1 points · Posted at 04:51:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cast of my junk, a fetus, 2 garrote wires with names carved in their handles, a canister of my cryogenically preserved sperm, samples of my DNA, a hard-drive filled with webcomics and every peanuts comic ever, a 100 pack of razorblades, and a Bottle of glenmorangie whiskey and a bottle of fireball duck-taped together inside a bucket of money.
Jberg18 · 1 points · Posted at 04:55:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Make a cast of you erect dick. Send it some where to get made into a dildo. Then leave a note in your safe with said dildo telling your wife she can not remarry and thay you will continue to pleasure her even after death.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:03:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wasn't there a Nicholas Cage film (8mm?) where a man died and when his family opened up his safe only to find a snuff film.
Kyddeath · 1 points · Posted at 05:10:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Detailed descriptions of how I killed multiple people and where the bodies are. They go to the cops and they trace it to different cemeteries with people who died years before I was born. Its fun for the whole family
A bunch of old photos, records, memorabilia, and such.
Then, in the back, a small lock box with instructions taped to the top. "For so and so, she knows the code- she knows the reason".
The sweet knowledge that they would all turn to her and there she would be, all unknowing. They wouldn't believe that she didn't understand. And when they finally got someone else to open it, only a $2 dollar bill and the words "use this to unlock it" written on the top.
They would spend years ostracizing her because only she was recognized and her claims that she knew nothing about it would go unheard.
That is my revenge.
virasht · 1 points · Posted at 05:28:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A treasure map with elaborate leads and clues all over the world. The end game will be the enrichment they get from traveling and experiencing other cultures. Of course they might piss on my grave when they discover there's no treasure.
Filled horse condoms daintily dangling from the safe's ceiling.
Concrist · 1 points · Posted at 06:27:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A slightly smaller safe
Musaab · 1 points · Posted at 06:28:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pair of pliers.
hsfrey · 1 points · Posted at 06:37:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
When Feynman cracked the top-secret safes at Los Alamos he'd leave little notes like "This was really easy".
clay3r · 1 points · Posted at 06:40:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
In late to this, but everything in this thread would be hilarious, except for the drugs, to lead on police. You have this giant steel box that the jaws of life can't open and refuse to give the code. They have to use torches, like in star wars episode one when quigon gin almost opens up that door before getting intercepted by droidikas. They open it and find shit like a fake murder list with a map, a condom full of dipping tobacco, etc. They'd be so pissed and you'd only go to jail for a bit for wasting their time. Probably almost worth it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:41:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
6 of the 7 dragon balls
teh_maxh · 1 points · Posted at 06:42:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An explosive device triggered by opening the door.
A journal that's got written on it "Burn in the event of death. Classified, very confidential." And have virtually all the pages water damaged or torn out.
My in-laws have a few safes, but one was sitting out in the open in their office area. My MIL, not having anywhere to put plastic bags, would just fill the safe with them (and still lock it for some reason).
Well, one day, someone actually broke into the house and proceeded to spend a bunch of time to break open the safe, only to find it full of plastic bags. I guess he was so pissed off, or worried about the time, that he didn't bother taking anything else.
I realize this could've all been set up as a decoy, but as far as I understand from how it was explained to me, it wasn't – it was just dumb luck.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:04:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A large variety of small sealed containers, each labeled with an ID number, and a catalog matching each number with a variety of poison, effects, and methods of administration.
Some of the containers will have tally marks on them.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:59:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would leave a dildo covered in flecks of chocolate to fuck with people. Also a bottle of anal lube, a picture of Tom Cruise, and a dildo gas mask.
A bunch of pictures of Lia Marie Johnson with the eyes and mouths cut out, A lock of fake blonde hair covered in blood, an ultra realistic bloody mask of her face and a note that says " me and my love are together in the afterlife".
Get yourself a fake passport with a name that isn't yours.
Like 2 stacks of money.
Pre-paid cellphone.
Keys that seems to go to a car and to an apartment/house.
A bunch of scripts from the greatest movies ever made with your name written on them and a bunch of rejection letters from studios, to make it look like they stole your ideas, let the legal battle commence
Buttplug covered in pigs blood. A really well crafted encrypted letter telling that you are appointed as a keeper of secrets of Illuminati and that at some point you will be extracted and your identity changed. List of names, some are just random, or made up and some names of real victims of awful violent crimes commited in the last 5-10 years and of those who vanished without a trace with a handwritten memo somewhere near the list(but it should not be your handwriting) which reads "You know what must be done!"
A single key, with nothing else in the safe, they'll go crazy trying to figure out what was so important to unlock!
Blmdh20s · 1 points · Posted at 11:34:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would have a metal plate photo of myself with a date of somewhere around 1915, have a Kodachrome film roll of me witnessing JFK's assassination while talking on a cell phone, me sitting having a drink with Reagan and a memory stick with pictures of me on the International Space Station. All of myself without ageing a single day.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:35:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cactus with a note that says " The bees are not rubber ". They'll know what I'm talking about. Hehe
I could lock up my fleshlight, but that's just "good", not great.
But a fleshlight full of BEES, now that would be something.
Makabeli · 1 points · Posted at 11:59:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One time I saw a dildo online that has a tube inside and comes with these weird ball things and slime. Apparently there is an alien insemination fetish. One of those.
Bahndoos · 1 points · Posted at 12:12:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A really well done Photoshop print out on photo paper of all of them dead and decapitAted.
Not a safe, but I have a standing bet with a good friend that we both have it in our wills that the family of whichever one of us dies first has to buy the other a case of beer.
A small oven with a newborn pizza dog. When the combination is entered correctly, you can see robotic arms put him in the oven and you can watch him grow. Afterward, a clip of Billy Mays will tell you to shut your mouth.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:08:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A slip of paper with "Grim 4-17-36" written on it. It means nothing but they will have a mystery to solve! Is it a date? A combination lock? Who or what is Grim?
Random key with a note stating "The Other $1,000,000" on it.
zeal1 · 1 points · Posted at 15:07:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fancy framed photo of a B-List celebrity or politician and a non-perishable food item. They wouldn't know what to make of it.
Example: A picture of Ross Perot next to a can of Lima Beans, or a photo of Delroy Lindo next to a jar of peach preserves.
Two safes, each with the combination to the other inside, do not otherwise provide the combination to either.
Paratwa · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Write a crappy note in an easy to do cipher, with some pictures of various bankers, and references to the 08 crash.
A CD with randomly generated one time hashes of Shakespears works done at random. Not a DVD, as the CD would make them wonder why did he use a CD?!?! Make sure its an older one not purchased or made in the last 8 years.
Next make a fake cipher, with references on the side to refer to the CD for proof, using english to do the references, and then at the end say that it should be easy for anyone to use the original cipher to determine the next code and that you were done in by the evil bankers to show how they were using the system to generate crashes to buy out companies at the lowest prices, also do this in easy to read English and that the next crash that will come in a year or two was planned out ahead (a new crash always happens).
the filesystem on a 3.5" disk limits the number of consecutive nested folders very sharply
draykow · 1 points · Posted at 15:45:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An elaborate journal detailing every way in which you've manipulated your SO's actions to fall in love with you dating back when you were approximately six or seven years old (if you are more than seven years older than your SO, then make it seem like you had accomplices in the hospital staff).
Doesn't have to be your SO, if your research is on point you could make anyone you know feel like they've never really had any true free will.
lnning · 1 points · Posted at 15:45:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cumbox
Oilfan94 · 1 points · Posted at 15:45:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Write a bit of paper saying the treasure is at some coordinates that are in the middle of the sea or in a forest.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:52:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A paper where history events are connected and random drawing like "666" or "predicted it" then at the verso write in Big letters : 2050 "end of the world" or "alien invasion"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun with a note to a family member preferably your sibling saying "our task must be completed at all costs"
Corpicus · 1 points · Posted at 16:05:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Obviously a key for nothing, could you imagine them walking around looking for this magical door...classical.
Another safe with a lock box inside with a business card of a call girl in Sweeden.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:00:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An not reading "It wasn't an accident, Johnson talked they're killing off their agents." Along with pictures of you in some sort of military group with blured out faces and several hi powers rifles, pistols, and assault rifles; and several fake files about congress members that committed major war crimes and were part of a secret black ops group.
A meticulously detailed diorama of whoever you believe will open the safe, opening the safe, with a clown crouched somewhere in the room not visible from in front of the safe
Decyde · 1 points · Posted at 18:43:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Take all your money and have it converted to gold. Take all that gold and have it melted down and buy one of those silicon penis molds and make a gold dildo with your life savings.
Leave this in the safe with poo and piece of corn on it.
A single photo album that says memories on the front. Inside will be thousands and thousands of pictures of dicks all with date time and location on them dating back 40 years.
DovahSpy · 1 points · Posted at 19:48:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A "sequel" to the Voynich Manuscript, written on parchment with the same symbols and wierd drawings, except it's about weird tentacle penis monsters rather than plants.
My uncle's mother was a hoarder, when we cleaned out her house after her passing in the safe we found deed to the house in florida which they had sold in the 50's and glasses. Next the bed underfuck ton of shit we found $3500 in uncirculated currency.
The gold and silver coins were on the floor and in drawers, the deeds and important documents were just in drawers.
naatkins · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The key to the safe.
doselan · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A map with several areas circled, but one area (in the middle of the woods) circled several times in an excited manner. There should be a short riddle written on the map, as well as references to several lines in classic novels.
"The crow always flies furthest, though the foxes bed down."
See: "Where the Red Fern Grows" Page 78, Paragraph 4, Line 2"
Blood stained knife, pictures of a dead body, homemade "beef" jerky.
gtx765 · 1 points · Posted at 20:23:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
leave it empty, they will know why.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake invoice from an off shore bank showing millions on deposit. However, in the upper right corner where the account # is it's partially torn off...
NDaveT · 1 points · Posted at 20:39:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake mustache in a plastic bag. Then hide a little note somewhere else that talks about the "secret stache" in your safe that they probably won't find until way later.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:59:57 on September 19, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Ken Griffey Jr rookie baseball gun, an empty pistol and half a pack of mentos
BigKat5 · 1 points · Posted at 03:28:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
*Your
abij2 · 1 points · Posted at 21:48:28 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cumbox
Sonthly · 1 points · Posted at 21:59:21 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would put a key and a chicken bone. The key would got to a door which has it's location inscribed onto the bone. The key goes to a hatch with a 50 foot ladder. At the bottom is a vault with a paper, witch says,
" There are two mountains, one of cocaine, and one of anthrax."
fede37 · 1 points · Posted at 23:43:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A grammar book.
mebeblb4 · 1 points · Posted at 00:30:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You're?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:04:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:52:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A katana with my own blood dried on it alongside a small box which is wrapped up in 5 meters of black spiked chain, the box contains a riddle leading to the top of a steep local hill, at the top of the hill is a tree with a machete jammed into it and the words 'Just do what comes naturally' carved into it.
Thats about the strangest one I have the stuff to do.
alpieduh · 0 points · Posted at 03:29:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A smaller safe, which contains an even smaller safe, which also contains an even smaller face and so on all the way to the atomic level and then they have to split the last atom with their bare hands in order to collect their inheritance.
vsn611 · 0 points · Posted at 16:20:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 10:48:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's easy. A paintbrush, poem, picture of first girlfriend, ticket stubs to concerts. They'd say ,"shit, I never knew he had dreams, hobbies, and interest in things".
Saved comment
----0---- · 422 points · Posted at 19:55:08 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Some sort of document that appears to be in a complex code or cypher but is in fact gibberish.
Fake_pokemon_card · 364 points · Posted at 21:39:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Better yet; a complex code or cypher that translates to gibberish.
[deleted] · 18 points · Posted at 23:14:01 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
dickbutt also works
aedansblade36 · 8 points · Posted at 04:43:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm not entirely sure whether or not that would be exactly the same thing.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:56:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Palilap · 2 points · Posted at 22:39:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Except nobody would really be able to tell it's real code if all they're getting is gibberish.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 07:38:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"be sure to drink your ovaltine"
ChazCliffhanger · 5 points · Posted at 03:16:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
As in the word or the language?
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 09:26:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[removed]
zishmusic · 7 points · Posted at 12:31:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Iddigiddigiddig iddigiddig iddigiddigiddigiddigiddig iddig.
Gbiknel · 6 points · Posted at 04:31:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But tell them it reads the child you love the most and will get all the money.
sinni800 · 4 points · Posted at 15:51:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And depending on how you decode it, it could mean the names of ALL children.
OffInABlueBox · 11 points · Posted at 04:07:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Better yet, "Remember to drink your Ovaltane!"
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 18:51:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Better yet, literally the word "giberish"
hecknotechno1 · 2 points · Posted at 16:41:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
and the relatives spend their whole lives trying to decipher it, and when they finally do and realize that theyve spent so much time, quit their jobs, left their families, and lost their homes just trying to decipher your message only to find out its gibberish, the look on their faces will be priceless
Rixxer · 2 points · Posted at 20:22:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING WE'RE MISSING!
Alternatively: "Drink your Ovaltine"
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!
Fake_pokemon_card · 1 points · Posted at 21:13:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The hell is with this ovaltine shit? I've got messages all over 'bout that.
Rixxer · 2 points · Posted at 21:51:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You should watch "A Christmas Story".
Bamword15 · 1 points · Posted at 06:36:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sigh... Bribe
worrywot · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"This... This is gibberish!"
PM_ME_UR_INSTRUMENT · 1 points · Posted at 14:13:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or better; gibberish that isn't, like the alphabet but with a few extra characters.
Stealthy_Wolf · 1 points · Posted at 17:16:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Probably double enciphered with gibberesh, Stash it in an old chimney.
ViralMage · 3 points · Posted at 02:41:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Maybe that's what this is?
Fiddi · 4 points · Posted at 12:37:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The author of the Voynich manuscript probably already had this idea.
D4days · 2 points · Posted at 16:42:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The man who kills me will know what it means.
pinusc · 1 points · Posted at 12:04:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So basically a858?
YandyTheGnome · 1709 points · Posted at 20:45:38 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A handful of passports with different names but the same picture. Preferably foreign passports if possible.
sinder-wolf · 968 points · Posted at 01:42:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
With several hundred dollars in various currencies and a Walther ppk
short.AdamsDJ · 225 points · Posted at 03:50:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm doing this.
redbarnes · 31 points · Posted at 07:15:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pussy if you don't.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 06:48:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Me too
OK_Soda · 2 points · Posted at 16:58:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think it's actually illegal to keep money and guns in a safe deposit box.
Blackner2424 · 2 points · Posted at 17:20:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A safe and a safe deposit box are different things. One is at a bank
OK_Soda · 4 points · Posted at 17:23:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I misread the prompt, my bad.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:40:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
even if it was illegal to do that with a safe then what are they going to do if you already died?
ChiefsCardsBlues · 1 points · Posted at 19:23:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No you're not.
SucksForYouGeek · 1 points · Posted at 20:18:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Tagged
[deleted] · 189 points · Posted at 03:47:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
mynameisntmitch · 185 points · Posted at 03:53:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What's that, like 0.05 USD?
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 11:51:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Na, that would be one canadian Dollar.
mynameisntmitch · 9 points · Posted at 12:17:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Savage
Firehed · 16 points · Posted at 05:59:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It was about $0.34 last I checked, though if you buy them as a souvenir (ebay, etc) expect to spend 20-50x the actual exchange rate.
bool_idiot_is_true · 3 points · Posted at 12:49:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I thought it had been discontinued?
Crowlad · 1 points · Posted at 15:49:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's demonetized, but it's still worth money as a commodity.
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 07:02:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Firehed · 14 points · Posted at 07:48:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
We were obviously both referring to the hyperinflation-era exchange rate.
Stitchikins · 3 points · Posted at 12:56:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Where did you get that number from? It's not really 'worth' anything (as a foreign currency) as it is being demonetised.
"Bank accounts with balances of up to 175 quadrillion Zimbabwean dollars will be paid $5. Those with balances above 175 quadrillion dollars will be paid at an exchange rate of $1 to 35 quadrillion Zimbabwean dollars."[1]
Tachyhydrite · 3 points · Posted at 13:53:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Excuse you. Its 0.06 USD.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:51:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Actually it's $276,319,425,255.59
Anshin · 10 points · Posted at 07:35:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Looked this up and turns out they abandoned their currency in 2009 when it was about 35 quadrillion zimbabwe dollars to 1 usd.
MrXian · 2 points · Posted at 16:28:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'll pay you a euro for that.
Michaelollidagled12 · 1 points · Posted at 11:43:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
it expired in June 2008, right?
Oneiropticon · 7 points · Posted at 08:17:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fun fact, my grandfather was a nuclear physicist, as well as former army. He refused to talk about anything he did in the military, but we know a friend of his who was in the service with him that hinted at special forces work.
When he died, I found currency from Belarus, several 1 ounce .999 fine silver coins, and a bunch of log books from his time on his short wave radio. The safe, on the other hand, had some insurance paperwork and some extra rounds for his various rifles.
LukasC · 7 points · Posted at 05:47:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't even have several hundred dollars of my own currency :(
SpoopsThePalindrome · 4 points · Posted at 11:07:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I, too, have watched "The Bourne Identity."
MRguitarguy · 4 points · Posted at 15:12:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And change your name to Tom Keen?
xMWJ · 2 points · Posted at 15:20:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I was looking through replies hoping to find something like this.
NicoWaves · 1 points · Posted at 23:11:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Me too. Blacklisters unite!
TreeArbitor · 3 points · Posted at 06:05:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If I could get all that together I wouldn't have a family.
stevothepedo · 3 points · Posted at 09:19:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't forget the license to kill
cosmictrousers · 2 points · Posted at 12:01:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And some gold cufflinksh
minicoop252 · 2 points · Posted at 14:58:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Itd just be a Walther PPK. the "K" in PPK stands for Kurtz, german for short. I believe you misheard Q in skyfall, who says "Walther PPK in 9mm kurtz". 9mm kurtz is .380 ACP.
iowamechanic30 · 2 points · Posted at 15:03:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
FYI there is no such thing as a PPK short, I believe you are confusing it with the cartridge it fires 9mm short aka 9mm kurz, 9x17mm, or .380acp in the Us.
vivazeta · 2 points · Posted at 16:22:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And a fleshlight and mega dildo with nutella smeared all over it. Plus a mars rock.
Pure_Silver · 3 points · Posted at 10:07:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think you'll find it's a SIG Pro SP2009.
raytaylor · 1 points · Posted at 12:02:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dont forget to get some fake customs stamps to show you had been traveling to some other countries on certain dates.
jrrrd92 · 1 points · Posted at 15:52:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
With several hundred dollars in
various currenciesmonopoly money and a walther ppk short.Malolo_Moose · 1 points · Posted at 05:39:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Is it even legal to have a gun in a safe deposit box?
DrunkleDick · 8 points · Posted at 07:17:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It is legal but not allowed by most banks. However, the bank doesn't need or want to know what you keep in your box.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 10:20:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Malolo_Moose · 0 points · Posted at 02:12:29 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well some states don't allow you to carry a gun unless its going from your home to a range or to a shop, and even then it has to be unloaded with ammo kept separate from the gun. Id think those states wouldn't want people to be putting loaded guns in safe deposit boxes. Also you are carrying a gun into a bank...
Ace-O-Matic · 1 points · Posted at 11:52:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's okay, I get the Blacklist reference.
zimzilla · 1 points · Posted at 09:50:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The PPK is already the short version. PPK stands for Polizeipistole Kriminal and is a compact version of the Walther PP designed for better concealment.
sigilvii · -7 points · Posted at 02:17:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
The S means
SpezialeSport. The K in PPK is forKurz which means Short.Kriminal, meaning the Detective model.(Edit: sorry, very bad intel. Fixed.)
Lyusternik · 13 points · Posted at 03:34:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No, PPK stands for Polizei Pistole Kriminal, which translate as Police Pistol (Detective).
sigilvii · 2 points · Posted at 13:21:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
In my defense, it's apparently a very common mistake to call it Kurz, the German Wikipedia entry even makes a note of it (but not on the English entry.) https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walther_PPK
EDIT: And the S apparently stands for Sport, it isn't even a German word. I learned this stuff all wrong, it was totally bullshit! I'm ticked about that. Glad it's set straight though. Thanks.
sigilvii · 1 points · Posted at 13:15:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh, shit, you're right. Thanks.
What about Speziale? Was I completely wrong there?
Tune-chi · 9 points · Posted at 03:44:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think he meant short as in it is often referred to as a 9mm short. It's a .380 round if my understanding is correct vs say a .22 PPK. It's the gun James Bond carried back in the day.
Vincent6636 · 2 points · Posted at 09:25:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
James wanted to keep his Beretta though.
sigilvii · 2 points · Posted at 13:18:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That makes sense. I have heard the .380 called 9mm Short before.
conorsharkeyyyy · 9 points · Posted at 02:41:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You're wrong.
sigilvii · 1 points · Posted at 13:18:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
At least explain what I got wrong! Thanks for catching it though. I don't want to spread misinformation any farther if I can help it.
conorsharkeyyyy · 2 points · Posted at 14:37:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Half of me wanted to see how you'd reply, surprised you're this accepting of it - the k stands for kriminel (spelling) meaning detective. PP stands for polezipistole (spelling) meaning police pistol. The PPK was issued to detectives. The PPK/S was created for importation or manufacture by S&W I think in the US. S standing for special or something.
Edit: S standing for sport, apparently.
sigilvii · 2 points · Posted at 17:46:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not a problem, I was trying to correct /u/sinder-wolf in the first place and I feel bad correcting him with incorrect information. I'm glad there are people out there that know more than me about this stuff!
meech7607 · 17 points · Posted at 06:39:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Occasionally add a blatantly fake mustache to the pictures
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 03:36:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Then your grandkids get to talk about how their grandpda was the real Jason Bourne.
madogvelkor · 7 points · Posted at 13:22:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Really mess with them, and make it a 1940s German passport and throw in a few Nazi medals. Along with a map of Brazil and a few random spots in the Amazon circled.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 06:31:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/1543
Doesn't matter if you're dead, but if someone opens the safe earlier you could get up to ten years in prison.
xanatos451 · 2 points · Posted at 12:17:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So put a realistic looking fake in there.
Kohvwezd · 1 points · Posted at 17:29:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah but no one is realistically opening that safe before you die.
AZUSO · 2 points · Posted at 09:01:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So like this?
OctopusSchmoctopus · 2 points · Posted at 09:36:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Instant fake badass kit!
Coldaman · 2 points · Posted at 17:26:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Reminds me of the blacklist
NicoWaves · 1 points · Posted at 23:12:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Best show ever!
TheeGREATHambino · 1 points · Posted at 14:09:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
an old dildo with an old ladies picture wrapped around it.
RainbowJuggler · 4729 points · Posted at 19:50:14 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A wig that looks like my hair, a set of clothes I would wear, contacts in the color of my eyes, labelled 'Persona #3'. Also a few strips of LSD.
WTFinucane666 · 993 points · Posted at 23:21:33 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Roger?!?
SooFlyyy · 833 points · Posted at 00:26:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
NYAH!!
WTFinucane666 · 123 points · Posted at 01:11:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I just watched that episode yesterday, had my self laughing for a while.
Lilliu · 63 points · Posted at 04:26:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
isn't that EVERY episode?
fricTionjpeg · 9 points · Posted at 09:51:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
maybe baby
toughinitout · 6 points · Posted at 10:33:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
maybe baby
Bryvin · 2 points · Posted at 17:13:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Maybe baby
jesse710 · 6 points · Posted at 09:19:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
the "nyah" episode is where haley and jeff steal the money stan gave jeff to not marry haley. they take it and run across the world being followed by roger who keeps going NYAAAH to get them to give up (i believe thats what that is referencing)
Th3_Cl3nsing · 3 points · Posted at 13:39:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I have that as my text ring tone. Still cracks me up.
Arkrothe · 0 points · Posted at 10:58:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Which anime/cartoon is that from?
Moyeslestable · 6 points · Posted at 11:31:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
American Dad
Assorted_Jellymemes · 7 points · Posted at 12:17:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's my favorite Anime.
jmerridew124 · 5 points · Posted at 12:40:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Stan-san, I'm eating an ortolan and must pay to see Barbara Streisand-kun.
jesse710 · 2 points · Posted at 12:21:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
American Dad
Galgenfrist · 3 points · Posted at 07:32:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Did you not watch the episode "American Fung"?
Crooty · 8 points · Posted at 08:26:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I like the one where Steve does something nerdy and Stan doesn't like it.
Another favourite is when Hayley says liberal things, and Stan doesn't like it.
slawesome · 8 points · Posted at 08:54:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm partial to the one where Stan takes things a little too far and Francine is frustrated about it.
Pneut · 6 points · Posted at 12:17:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh yeah! The one where Stan learned a moral lesson in the end?
PATXS · 4 points · Posted at 03:59:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
alright what show is this
Jozan999 · 11 points · Posted at 04:02:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
American Dad
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:34:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
and what episode!
MrBrink10 · 6 points · Posted at 04:40:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Season 6 Episode 2: Son of Stan
SooFlyyy · 3 points · Posted at 04:40:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Season 7 Episode 2: Son of Stan.
Edit: One season later.
flyinggoatcheese · 2 points · Posted at 07:25:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What are you taking about? The show is called?
Have a wonderful day! Be safe.
ThirdCocacola · 80 points · Posted at 01:29:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wow that's your plan? That's never going to bother me.
machinimaray · 106 points · Posted at 02:52:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
NYAH!!!
liarliar415 · 8 points · Posted at 06:29:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
NYAH!!!
dmilin · 8 points · Posted at 07:07:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
NYAH!!!
Swankified_Tristan · 6 points · Posted at 10:31:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
OKAY, ENOUGH!!!
THE_MAD_GERMAN · 7 points · Posted at 11:36:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
NYAH!!!
DarkWave77 · 8 points · Posted at 11:48:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
NYAH!!!
dmilin · 2 points · Posted at 18:31:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
NYAH!!!
With-a-Cactus · 2 points · Posted at 11:48:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I actually heard Stan on that one. Nice job, have an upvote.
TheSourTruth · 3 points · Posted at 06:14:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Show is underrated man
Aceconklin · 2 points · Posted at 09:57:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I wish I had gold to give. You just brought me to tears.
Some_type_of_way · 2 points · Posted at 03:34:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
SHAUN!
nickster182 · 1 points · Posted at 06:41:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
NYAH!!!
Jill4ChrisRed · 1 points · Posted at 12:51:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
MNYAH! headwiggle
joec_95123 · 161 points · Posted at 03:43:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
(whispers) Ricky Spanish.
Stale56 · 5 points · Posted at 14:59:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
STELIO
Theenanerpuss · 3 points · Posted at 09:38:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
not ricky spanish....
Angrant96 · 2 points · Posted at 10:32:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
gasps
My_Password_is_Penis · 12 points · Posted at 05:16:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Riiiiiiiiicky Spaaaanishhhhh
Iancredible56 · 8 points · Posted at 06:15:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Maybebaby.
thatwasnotkawaii · 6 points · Posted at 00:40:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yes, Bartlett?
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 03:25:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
10-4 good buddy.
bbear122 · 1 points · Posted at 11:29:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I read that whole comment in his voice almost immediately.
grifficusprime · 1 points · Posted at 03:47:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What's the vector, Victor?
GET_OUT_OF_MY_HEAD · 1 points · Posted at 06:08:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wrong reference.
MKToastyWINS · 1653 points · Posted at 21:54:48 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Persona 3? I love that game.
crazymozog668 · 455 points · Posted at 22:08:32 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I will BURN MY DREAD
Lastrin · 190 points · Posted at 22:51:56 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
DANCE, I'M GONNA PUT YOU IN A TRANCE
crazymozog668 · 134 points · Posted at 23:06:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
COME ON, GIRL, LET ME ROCK YOUR WORLD
webbie602 · 115 points · Posted at 01:14:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
BABY-BABY-BABY-B-B-BABY-BABY
YEAAAAAaAAaH
Jaredude · 2 points · Posted at 07:34:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Whoa, this is weird.
Lastrin · 4 points · Posted at 09:18:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
WORK THAT BODY WORK THAT BODY MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HURT NOBODY
Alluminn · 1 points · Posted at 13:28:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Of course it exists
twinfyre · 6 points · Posted at 04:05:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I haven't even played persona 3 yet and that song is already stuck in my head.
LpSamuelm · 2 points · Posted at 02:29:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This sounds very much like a lyric that would be in a Persona song.
Blazingscourge · 1 points · Posted at 02:40:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Whoosh!!!
LpSamuelm · 8 points · Posted at 02:48:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No, I do realize it actually is, just pointing out how incredibly "persona song lyric" the phrase is.
jameshasnttime · 1 points · Posted at 09:22:47 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's what they're saying?!
I could never understand that song.
RainbowJuggler · 106 points · Posted at 22:13:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Did not realize it was a game. What type and for what consoles? I may try it out.
KeybladeSpirit · 181 points · Posted at 22:27:43 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Originally on PS2, was later remade as Persona 3 FES (like "festival") for PS2 and was later re-released as a PS2 Classic on PS3. Also remade for PSP with additional options as Persona 3 Portable or P3P, a joke acronym that makes more sense in Japanese where the word for 3 is san.
I would recommend playing FES to get the most complete experience, then P3P for the option to play as a girl which, if you make the right choices, can affect the plot in a few unexpected ways.
St0kka · 9 points · Posted at 23:06:31 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Can you explain the translation thing?
KeybladeSpirit · 15 points · Posted at 23:32:55 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Persona 3 Portable is for PSP, and in Japanese "san" means 3, making the original title romanized as Persona San Portable or PSP.
St0kka · 5 points · Posted at 23:39:07 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ohh Ok thanks.
RainbowJuggler · 9 points · Posted at 22:32:56 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
As soon as I can use my regular computer again, I will find it for my PS2 emulator. Thanks! Always looking for good games I missed on PS1 and 2. Video game ADD, right here.
crazymozog668 · 18 points · Posted at 23:10:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Let me just say that Persona 3 is one of my favorite games.
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 00:04:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Persona 3 got me into the series ^ __ ^ . But 4 is by far my favorite.
rlbond86 · 7 points · Posted at 02:46:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
P3 has the better story IMO but they are both amazing.
RainbowJuggler · 5 points · Posted at 00:34:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hell, I will try them all. I am wayyy too into video games. Pretty much all it takes is someone saying they liked it or seeing a good review for me to play something.
SekireiNumber109 · 6 points · Posted at 00:42:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
There is a version of Persona 3 for the Vita if you have one, which is worth along with Persona 4 Golden.
Joaquin8911 · 3 points · Posted at 03:30:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You already said you'd play it but I too want to recommend both Persona 3 and 4, they're amazing games and surely of the best games I've ever played. Hope you enjoy them.
Edit: BTW I'm playing them on PCSX2 emulator and Persona 4 may have some issues with shadows and audio for some people so if you do find those issues when you play it, let me know to tell you which settings to change.
RainbowJuggler · 1 points · Posted at 16:19:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Awesome, will do.
flamingtoastjpn · 10 points · Posted at 00:30:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Lol get ready, because P3FES is really long.
When you finish you should try Persona 4 which is even better (PS2 and remastered on PS Vita), and Persona 5 is coming out soon as well (PS3, PS4) so if you like Persona 3 you have a lot to look forward to
mstrbts · 2 points · Posted at 02:18:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Did anything g eventful ever happen in the dungeon part of fes. I played the normal part and started the dungeon where the other characters see a ghost or whatever version of the main who died and then around that time I moved on to other things, and eventually forgot and sold it. I plan to replay it if I ever have the time.
flamingtoastjpn · 4 points · Posted at 02:21:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm not that far in the game personally, I just know it's really long. I don't even have FES I have P3P lol
PancakesAreGone · 3 points · Posted at 05:03:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The "dungeon part" that you're referring to is "The Answer", while the original game is posed as "The Question"...
If that's not clear enough for you, then yes, The Answer is the true ending to Persona 3 (In fact, that was the whole purpose of FES. FES wasn't just a bunch of costumes and a few new scenes, it was an expansion pack for The Answer). The Answer is, something like 30 hours of gameplay, mostly due to the grind... Truthfully, load it in an emulator and level 99 everyone... Or, just Aegis... Also give her a kick-ass maxed out Persona and go to town. It'll let you speed run the game (Basically) and turn a 30-ish hour game into a much shorter, but still fulfilling experience (Due to the story not being altered)... This is basically how I feel about RPGs now, at least the older ones that had the tendency to grind the shit out of your nads.
smile-with-me · 2 points · Posted at 02:46:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's good to keep up with it for experience reasons. If you don't level a couple of storyline bosses even have a chance to mess you up. If you're playing FES or Portable there will be timed quests for getting old documents or something from the end of the currently available dungeon. If you can finish that Quest you're more than safe. The upcoming story boss will be a little easier than the most recently defeated one.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:02:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If you play Persona 4 also then don't listen to the voices. Naoto is best waifu.
PancakesAreGone · 8 points · Posted at 05:04:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Smooth spoiler there brah.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 03:54:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How does it affect the plot pls give me all the spoilers
KeybladeSpirit · 5 points · Posted at 08:05:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A lot of the Social Links available to the male protagonist are changed to different characters, some new, some members of the main cast that didn't get Social Links for the male protagonist. One of these, if you complete it fast enough and get in the bonus event at the end, allows you to prevent the death of a major character.
Ventosx · 1 points · Posted at 06:33:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I really wish P4 had gotten a female protag as well. It added a lot to the experience for me.
Krypt0night · 8 points · Posted at 00:57:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Also play Persona 4. Preferably Persona 4: Golden on Vita if you can. Probably my favorite game of all time
crademaster · 2 points · Posted at 04:28:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
KANJI!!! One of my most favourite characters ever.
Krypt0night · 2 points · Posted at 04:43:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I love Kanji but Yosuke is my boy
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 23:28:00 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
kloiberin_time · 4 points · Posted at 01:36:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
PlayStation TV is cheap and can play golden. I got mine for about 100 bucks
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 02:16:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thats an even better suggestion!
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 06:36:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You can find a PS TV (without controller) for 30 bucks on amazon.
Broswagonist · 1 points · Posted at 16:18:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I've played both P3 and P4G and would actually recommend playing P3 first, if only because going back from P4 mechanics to P3 mechanics is tough.
tolan1 · 5 points · Posted at 22:21:53 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Its a 3d JRPG for the ps2
Hobojesse · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No one actually mention that it is a turn-based Japanese RPG, focusing on kids in high school fighting monsters with their "personas", which are creatures that represent their inner selves.
It also has a social simulator aspect. Overall, amazing game. Though personally I like 4 a lot more. By the way, like final fantasy, the numbers don't really matter, there are no direct sequels.
Phil_Bond · 1 points · Posted at 17:22:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Based entirely on the word Persona? You're awfully polite.
RainbowJuggler · 1 points · Posted at 19:39:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I am in fact incredibly polite most of the time, but in this case, it is just that I love video games, and will try anything once.
res30stupid · 1 points · Posted at 19:59:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
BTW, the main character was nerfed in P3P - you can use any other party member's equipment (except for guns and knives) in the PS2 port while the P3P version limits you to swords as a guy or spears as a girl.
1337Noooob · -3 points · Posted at 22:19:02 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
I haven't played it either but I think it has Mother-like gameplay? Pretty sure it's on a Nintendo handheld like a DS.
EDIT: Don't listen to me I'm actually really stupid.
Ezmar · 2 points · Posted at 23:19:26 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's a PS2 RPG, and among the finest ever crafted, in my opinion. I'd have to put it at the top of my all time favorite games list.
Sabin10 · 1 points · Posted at 05:24:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You're not as stupid as you think, Persona Q is on the 3DS and has characters from Persona 3 and 4.
mstrbts · 2 points · Posted at 02:15:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Can't wait for 5. Did you play 3 fes?
Warloxwill · 2 points · Posted at 21:58:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Im a huge fan of 3 AND 4 :D
flameguy21 · 2 points · Posted at 22:48:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I should really play 3 & 4. -_-
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 00:20:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yes absolutely you should. They're phenomenal games.
Throwfortheprof · 1 points · Posted at 11:02:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So me.
nekowolf · 1 points · Posted at 13:55:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/08/06
K242 · 1 points · Posted at 15:46:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
WHEN'S
MAHVELNOCTURNE[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:21:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I preferred 4 but the dungeons were better in 3
res30stupid · 1 points · Posted at 19:57:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My cousin found what he thought was an evoker in my room.
In other news, I have found the perfect red color in case I ever wish to repaint.
[deleted] · 474 points · Posted at 23:45:10 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
They have your body though. Your body which has hair exactly like yours, eyes the same color as yours, presumably dressed in clothes much like those you wore in real life. That trick would work if you disappeared, but with your corpse the whole thing kinda falls apart.
JackFlynt · 412 points · Posted at 00:06:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Alright then, multiple setups to look like other people and one empty one?
Birdyer · 20 points · Posted at 01:57:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's pretty easy to tell if a corpse is wearing contact lenses or not.
Oggel · 45 points · Posted at 02:05:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Hmm, something is fishy about this... Let's dig up daddy and poke his eyes!"
CorgiDad · 8 points · Posted at 04:19:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just have multiple setups of empty contact lens storage/cleaning kits, maybe colored labels. Even if they do dig up the corpse and find no contact lenses, it proves nothing!
Yoghurt_ · 1 points · Posted at 12:22:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You can have the contact lenses different in colour to the corpses, making it look like the dead guy forgot to put his on.
BipedSnowman · 1 points · Posted at 13:41:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Die with coloured contacts in, and leave contacts that look like your normal colour in the safe.
Yoghurt_ · 1 points · Posted at 14:03:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ah but then they know the real you died, as the colour of the contacts is the sand as the colour of the iris if the body.
BipedSnowman · 2 points · Posted at 17:42:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No no, you wear fake contacts when you die, that color your eyes differently than normal, and make it look like you forgot your contacts that day.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:01:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't know, if you know you're going to die you could like take your eyeballs out and shave your head if you really wanna go all the way with this.
Alan_Smithee_ · 1 points · Posted at 05:02:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How about Drag items?
just_around · 1 points · Posted at 12:16:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Before you die, have your hair turned into a wig a la https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmsP2s5euhk
DealerCamel · 149 points · Posted at 00:10:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not if you direct them to cremate you before they open the safe.
missingpurple · 12 points · Posted at 01:46:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I like the way you think
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 14:02:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Mom, what color were dad's hair and eyes?"
"Lol, idk."
Bazakac · 107 points · Posted at 23:57:36 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hmm your making a lot of sense boy
Go_Bias · 37 points · Posted at 01:58:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
*you're
Kingdomheartsfan891 · 6 points · Posted at 03:19:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
His grammar is just as good as OP's
Bazakac · 4 points · Posted at 02:13:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That also makes sense
iiiicracker · 6 points · Posted at 03:57:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
*cents
AlaskanWolf · 7 points · Posted at 00:25:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You assume they would get the safe open before the burial...
424f42_424f42 · 4 points · Posted at 00:04:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah theyre gonna dig it up
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 00:30:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
However, it's likely that they find those items long after the funeral and burial. They're not going to dig up his corpse in order to confirm....
sarcazm · 3 points · Posted at 00:42:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Actually if he/she was cremated I bet there would be a lot of "I wonders."
yumyum36 · 5 points · Posted at 00:20:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If you shave your hair before you expect your death they wouldn't really know would they?
The contacts could just be to hide how red your eyes are from the LSD.
myherpsarederps · 7 points · Posted at 02:36:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your eyes don't get bloodshot on LSD but your pupils will get gigantic.
joshualeet · 5 points · Posted at 03:14:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
kek
WassDogg304 · 2 points · Posted at 23:58:43 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't take it so serious there buddy
redditaccountreddit · 2 points · Posted at 00:24:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So then just shave your head and wear different color contacts the night you think you're going to die? lol
Ryltarr · 2 points · Posted at 00:31:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just gotta make sure you die in a horrible fire.
MichaelDeucalion · 2 points · Posted at 00:38:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
if you live to the age when you go bald then it's fine, just shave your head until then, have an get cremated.
RainbowJuggler · 2 points · Posted at 00:45:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I thought it might make them think the whole thing was set up. Like, even the dietician was in on it.
ErickHatesYou · 2 points · Posted at 02:39:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wait until you're extremely old, like die any day now old, and suddenly disappear. Go stay at a motel near your home for a few days, set it up so the motel takes money directly from your bank account for each day you stay, shave your head and speak to everyone there with a foreign accent. If all goes well you'll die in the room, nobody will find you until your eyes have started to rot, everyone will remember you had a foreign accent and your friends and family will be confused as hell.
BrighterSpark · 2 points · Posted at 03:02:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
extra suit?
Lion_Among_Cedars · 2 points · Posted at 03:30:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Depends entirely on how you die.
Sharks, volcanoes, explosions... Lots of things take the body.
I_am_a_Wookie_AMA · 2 points · Posted at 03:49:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It would make them freak out though. Maybe enough to go check your corpse if it was not yet buried, and definitely enough to spread wild speculation and stories within the family if it were already buried.
mikenasty · 2 points · Posted at 05:44:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thats why you shave everything before your death
MeatJunkie · 1 points · Posted at 04:26:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Let's just hope he burns to death then.
The2ndBest · 1 points · Posted at 04:31:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Get cremated so there is no way to check. They will wonder if you even died in the first place!
TrampyPizza77 · 1 points · Posted at 06:34:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No it'd be extra weird, because then they wouldn't be sure if you were wearing a wig or not on your death bed etc etc etc
PainfulJoke · 1 points · Posted at 07:38:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Except you would be buried by that time I imagine. Most people kind of enshrine the deceased things for a few days to cope with it. So seeing that after burial would sew that seed of doubt.
sonofaresiii · 1 points · Posted at 09:55:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well, not really. Because now they're wondering who this person was really, if the body they got is really me or a fake, etc.
I mean generally anyone would expect it to be a prank regardless, but if we're assuming anyone would actually take it seriously having a corpse would only complicate the matter, not disenfranchise it. I mean, at the worst they just figure this is the persona I finally died in and they don't know who I was before or why I had various identities.
Xenjael · 1 points · Posted at 10:25:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So collect your sheddings and have them dyed then made into a wig.
nothanksjustlooking · 1 points · Posted at 12:09:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just leave a note that explains your body. Boom, problem solved.
The-Bent · 1 points · Posted at 12:31:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He just needs to plan to die in a way that doesn't leave a corpse.
wiggs88 · 1 points · Posted at 12:50:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
By then you're in a grave
dezeiram · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Have a friend get you cremated and then act suspicious.
JizzyMctits · 1 points · Posted at 19:54:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You just have to plan to have a "closed coffin funeral" kinda death.
DethNik · 1 points · Posted at 14:03:46 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
You just had to ruin the dream didn't you?
just_learning_ · 6 points · Posted at 02:39:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You need a picture of yourself in there also so it leads them to believe you are impersonating someone else
RainbowJuggler · 2 points · Posted at 02:42:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yes, thank you. I knew there was something else that would tie it together better, but I had a brain block.
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 23:30:46 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[removed]
RainbowJuggler · 3 points · Posted at 00:44:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why thank you. I feel much less boring as a person now :)
Kussmar · 4 points · Posted at 01:31:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And have a detailed notebook including the names and descriptions of everyone in your household
TricksterTicket · 4 points · Posted at 02:58:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If you have some cash, you could have a silicone mask made of yourself.
CryingData · 3 points · Posted at 01:03:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A birth certificate stating i'm female, transitional medical records and papers of sperm donors with various names across the world.
__LordNibbler__ · 2 points · Posted at 23:26:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh Roger....
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:50:27 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wouldn't that be great, if they killed off roger and there was a safe with a roger suit in it?
Curmudgeonrose7 · 2 points · Posted at 23:59:28 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's genious hahaha
YOUNG_G0D · 2 points · Posted at 00:41:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Might as well throw some Carmex in there as well.
Spaceasar · 2 points · Posted at 02:23:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Might I ask what the LSD is for? I don't think I could act while tripping major face.
RainbowJuggler · 3 points · Posted at 02:41:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well, from experience, I can say that at least I can definitely get more into a bizarre character on LSD. Also, just on the off chance that my family might try it after finding it in my vault. I think everyone could benefit from the right amount of LSD.
RainbowJuggler · 3 points · Posted at 02:42:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just like, one hit though, sparks my creativity and imagination. Two and I will get lost in it.
PolarBear89 · 2 points · Posted at 02:47:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well, our life with RainbowJuggler was a total lie, but at least we can have a party tonight!
RainbowJuggler · 4 points · Posted at 02:55:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's like my highest hope for my funeral. Somehow, I want everyone to get very fubar and have a great time. No sadness, please.
Eyro_Elloyn · 2 points · Posted at 06:55:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your Reddit name makes me think of a hearthstone minion that swaps two enemy minions sexuality.
"ME SMASH!" "Face my light!"
lejefferson · 2 points · Posted at 08:46:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh man this reminds me of this weird fear I had as a little kid. For a long time I had this fear/belief that my parents were both men who had kidnapped me from my real parents and that my mom wore a wig and dressed as a woman to make me think he was mom. I don't know where this came from but it was a legitimate fear of mine for a long time.
GeneralDelgado · 1 points · Posted at 04:23:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'll happily take those strips
master_bacon · 1 points · Posted at 06:11:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Instead of "persona 3" it should just be your name.
Ninjabutter · 1 points · Posted at 11:28:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is such a good idea. I'm totally doing this if I think I don't have long to live
nirach · 1 points · Posted at 12:59:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Note to self: Buy safe, and these items.
nick09490 · 0 points · Posted at 05:10:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I thought you were rhyming. Disappointing Top Post.
RainbowJuggler · 0 points · Posted at 16:18:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It totally could rhyme if you say it right. Sorry to disappoint you.
widdershins13 · 1155 points · Posted at 20:00:13 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A photo album of 10 or 12 random children, a fake birthday card reminder calendar and a fake ledger showing child support payments.
ItPutsLotionOnItSkin · 533 points · Posted at 22:53:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Start with a account balance of millions and dwindle down to zero when the last child hits 18 years old.
iDovin · 271 points · Posted at 23:38:07 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And on the list of the other children, dont once mention the names of yours.
[deleted] · 180 points · Posted at 01:56:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or be like "[name] number two"
ziusudrazoon · 41 points · Posted at 04:39:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
better: "[name] (the good one)"
illyume · 3 points · Posted at 12:06:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"[name] (the one I'm stuck living with)"
TheWierdAsianKid · 10 points · Posted at 02:19:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If you have multiple just put one of their names.
draykow · 1 points · Posted at 15:21:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or have children with identical names to your own, but with different last names.
SrpskaZemlja · 2 points · Posted at 19:42:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is some Dwight Schrute shit
sgtcolostomy · 1 points · Posted at 14:25:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is perfect
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 03:22:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ive seen variants of this comment and I think something like that would just break your wife/husbands heart.
widdershins13 · 2 points · Posted at 01:53:43 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
I agree. It would be an awful thing to do. I was just throwing something out there.
some-other-time · 3 points · Posted at 09:46:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
yeah, get an album of 10-12 random children - what can go wrong? :)
Spacetranaut_88 · 1 points · Posted at 16:56:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Knowing my luck they would just think I was a creep that liked kids.
BertrandsMate · 3337 points · Posted at 00:21:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
A vintage floppy disk saying last will and testament. Your family will need to go through lots of searching and finding to get a device old enough to play it. The whole search they will be wondering what was so important to say in 1.2mbs and when they finally open it, it will have one singular audio file...
A monotone version of Rick Astleys' classic "Never gonna give you up". This small ploy will return to you your virginity as you enter valhalla.
Edit: Thanks for the gold!
Ccracked · 215 points · Posted at 05:02:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Floppy? You mean 3.5 or 5.25? Screw that; go with Commodore Datasette
kmdr · 38 points · Posted at 07:00:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No, the right thing to use is a 12" floppy
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3216/2397460125_2764a1f8a6_o.jpg
fanofyou · 24 points · Posted at 08:05:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Those are both pics of the 8" version.
edit: It would be a tight squeeze as the highest capacity was 1.2MB
The entire video in MP3 at 144p is 2.8MB - you could downscale but I guess you only really need the first 10 seconds to rick roll someone.
fleminator · 10 points · Posted at 11:18:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Midi it is then!
kmdr · 3 points · Posted at 09:24:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
my bad! you are right
Treyzania · 3 points · Posted at 12:26:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Make a multipart RAR and spread it across multiple disks.
Lucky-bstrd · 2 points · Posted at 11:58:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bugger it - I'm old enough to have used those!
That Rick Astley thing is too good to waste. I'm putting it in my will to be read at my will reading!
Megatron_McLargeHuge · 2 points · Posted at 17:25:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Good luck running an mp3 decoder on a 1 MHz 8 bit cpu and ~64k ram.
moejoereddit · 2 points · Posted at 08:12:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thank you for providing an image
TheAngryGoat · 2 points · Posted at 12:38:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hold almost twice as much information as a piece of paper of the same size!
mjonir_mewmew · 2 points · Posted at 16:07:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Risky click of the day!
IndifferentAnarchist · 39 points · Posted at 06:02:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh, the hours spent watching loading screens (or if you were lucky, playing a game built in to the loading screen.)
lrrlrr · 1 points · Posted at 17:02:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't know if this would interest you that much, but this guy abused C++ templates to get tetris to run at compiletime. Not very useful but nonetheless interesting.
fatterducks · 17 points · Posted at 05:54:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What the hell man I'm only 16 does it look like I know how to use this crap, you should've included this to help us younger redditors https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ
SirensToGo · 2 points · Posted at 13:44:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bait game is weak. Luckily, I'm a master baiter
MMdomain · 2 points · Posted at 07:34:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thanks, I was clueless as to what the hell he was talking about. Almost gave up on it.
OhMy_No · 5 points · Posted at 13:49:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You never should.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 11:52:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why stop there? Leave a tinfoil sheet from a homemade phonograph recording of you yelling your last requests into the horn.
Lucky-bstrd · 1 points · Posted at 11:59:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And a video of that would be fucking awesome way to remember a loved one!
atomicthumbs · 3 points · Posted at 07:33:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Neither. 8 inches.
A_Sinclaire · 1 points · Posted at 10:05:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The good thing is they can just ask the US military for support as they still use 8" floppys for the nuclear missile launch computers :)
sharklops · 3 points · Posted at 10:41:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And require a Bard's Tale code wheel to access it.
JonBStoutWork · 3 points · Posted at 14:57:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I remember playing Rambo and waiting for the counter to go up to 113, it took f.o.r.e.v.e.r.
Then when you died you had to reload the whole thing again.
Jesus that was so painful.
The eternal wait was excruciating.
Especially if you got an error up around 97-98 and had to reload the whole thing again.
I'm not sure the elation you felt when the game finally came on was worth the pure hell of that fucking counter.
Still there were some great games on my 64.
Then I met someone who had a Commodore 128, we were best friends until his computer broke. The realisation slowly setting in that I never really liked him in the first place!
sargonkid · 3 points · Posted at 15:16:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or a stack of these ?
pigthree · 3 points · Posted at 15:25:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A lot of Federal employees are issued floppy drives with their computers. No one knows why because no one uses it. I am sure some company is being paid millions to produce these for the government simply because they create jobs in a senators district.
Gsusruls · 3 points · Posted at 16:23:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
not a 3.5. You can get a 3.5 USB peripheral easily even today.
Source: I have one. Just found out my uncle does. Not an antique yet.
surkh · 2 points · Posted at 07:15:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not obscure enough... better go with a Sinclair ZX MicroDrive
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 08:11:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Forget that, a zip drive is where it's at!
Airazz · 2 points · Posted at 11:41:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Calm down, no one will know where to find a computer old enough to open that, in 40 years.
raytaylor · 2 points · Posted at 11:59:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Lol I was going to suggest an amiga or acorn/riscos format but commodore datasette is perfect
redrhyski · 2 points · Posted at 12:40:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Commodore? Too mainstream. Try a Dragon 32.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:24:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm actually shocked I wasn't rick rolled there
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 15:03:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
punch cards
Gimly · 2 points · Posted at 15:17:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Better, a Betamax (any fans of Cowboy Bebop around here?) or an HD-DVD. Nothing better than a dead format.
Paratwa · 2 points · Posted at 15:20:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I remember playing games on this when I was a kid
sinni800 · 2 points · Posted at 15:53:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Which would be an audio casette anyways... Or would they convert the audio into digital data first? Some PCM, then put an encoder on top?
qxxx · 2 points · Posted at 16:26:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
wow... I was exactly -1 year old when datasette was released
Helpmenavythrow · 14 points · Posted at 07:06:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You're talking like finding a floppy drive is a hard thing. Have you heard of the internet?
Tastemysoupplz · 22 points · Posted at 10:07:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Assuming you die 60+ years from now, it could be much more difficult. The robots hate floppy drives, so theyll probably all be destroyed by Roko's basilisk.
CatsOnTheKeyboard · 2 points · Posted at 12:38:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I know this is hard to accept, but most non-techies are not resourceful enough to look that far.
Helpmenavythrow · 2 points · Posted at 02:28:16 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
I am glad I am a techie. The only thing good that I got from my father. Just venting.
Trimline · 2 points · Posted at 16:39:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And then it turns out to be in AmigaDOS format.
MoonLiteNite · 9 points · Posted at 01:05:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
i got you beat on that, on my video will i have that playing at the end :D
Blackguywithraybans · 5 points · Posted at 08:48:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Witness me!
ultrajew · 1 points · Posted at 21:09:48 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
All shiny and chrome!
teavodka · 2 points · Posted at 04:53:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
you win
NvrGonnaGiveYouUp · 2 points · Posted at 05:10:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm gona do this when I die.
Tischlampe · 8 points · Posted at 13:55:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Try doing it before you die. Is much easier that way.
QwertyvsDvorak · 2 points · Posted at 06:10:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I want to do this to my husband every day. But I don't need my virginity back, thank you.
Pagiras · 2 points · Posted at 07:31:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My name? Ted, from accounting.
RickyTokes · 2 points · Posted at 09:11:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think we have a winner.
PandaKid · 2 points · Posted at 11:07:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My dads computer could play it :')
Galiron · 2 points · Posted at 12:17:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Given tech trends unless you plan to die soon use a car or better yet hddvd so you can include a video of you asking just how much shit they went through to play the file followed by you singing never gonna give you up.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 12:28:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Vintage as opposed to modern floppy disk? Hipsters
SomeKrazyGuyUKno · 2 points · Posted at 12:46:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My future grieving family will have you to blame for their frustrations. Lmao
wonsnot · 2 points · Posted at 13:24:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Use something more obscure like a zip drive. (And no I don't mean a usb drive)
elchinoasdf · 2 points · Posted at 14:21:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Maybe a .txt with a dickbutt inside
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:26:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
...could go full 8-bit too if you're going to go through all the trouble of a floppy. :)
StudentOfMrKleks · 2 points · Posted at 17:19:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I doubt If it would be legally binding.
JustDroppinBy · 1 points · Posted at 06:28:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Floppy discs aren't quite old enough yet. You can still buy A: drives in electronic stores and hook it up in minutes.
enigmo666 · 2 points · Posted at 06:50:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Archimedes formatted?
BuyYourKidsAStick · 2 points · Posted at 08:03:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Archimedes formatted, music in a Coconizer song file.
Wontons · 2 points · Posted at 13:30:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
don't floppy drives use IDE? I don't think any modern MOBO has that inderface
enigmo666 · 1 points · Posted at 06:50:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Has to be as an .aiff file too
Subclavian · 1 points · Posted at 07:30:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I actually still have a USB to floppy converter.
I have no clue why I keep it.
Only_Just_Human · 3 points · Posted at 08:09:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Uhh can I have it?
ViolentCheese · 2 points · Posted at 16:57:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's a neat thing to have
GoodHunter · 1 points · Posted at 07:54:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or a simple image of a dickbutt will suffice too
ozrain · 1 points · Posted at 08:22:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Should be the IT guy from jurassic park
spirito_santo · 1 points · Posted at 08:58:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why would you want to go to Valhalla a virgin??? It's for battlehardened berserkers. The toughest of the tough.
The_Power_Of_Three · 1 points · Posted at 10:07:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Careful! Virgins don't go to Valhalla, they serve as attendants to the goddess Gefjon!
pgtitties · 1 points · Posted at 10:15:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
this
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:55:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Do you have any idea how many computers I would have to get rid of to not have a floppy drive in the house?
ImlrrrAMA · 1 points · Posted at 12:23:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Shiny and chrome
2LateImDead · 1 points · Posted at 12:27:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hard to find a floppy drive? Nah. Just go to a public school. Their computers still have those!
CatsOnTheKeyboard · 1 points · Posted at 12:37:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
... or better yet, get it done in MIDI format.
slyfoxy12 · 1 points · Posted at 13:01:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ahh... mine was the same idea, except it would be multiple disks with the video split in a rar file or something across loads of them
nman68 · 1 points · Posted at 13:02:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The ULTIMATE Rick Roll
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:45:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Meh go with style&quality - LaserDisk
fisheramike · 1 points · Posted at 14:34:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Easy Buy Bring the Rick on.
c4103 · 1 points · Posted at 15:39:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
They better find it quick, because even a properly stored floppy will demagnetize in 3 to 5 years.
RAIDguy · 1 points · Posted at 17:00:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So much searching! http://www.newegg.com/Floppy-Drives/SubCategory/ID-13
Pay-Me-No-Mind · 1 points · Posted at 18:13:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I know am late but this is honestly the best.
Lose__Not__Loose · 1 points · Posted at 20:40:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My grandfather still insists on a floppy drive when I give him a new computer. He has "good stuff"on his horde of floppy disks.
the_boomr · 1 points · Posted at 23:39:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh my fucking god. I am so doing this.
vwhipv · 0 points · Posted at 06:24:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
my pc plays floppy discs
vwhipv · 0 points · Posted at 06:24:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
my pc plays floppy discs
[deleted] · 2330 points · Posted at 19:10:51 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake memoir detailing how you had another family and basically an entire "double life".
oboyoboy22 · 846 points · Posted at 19:41:27 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And never mention that you had your real family.
[deleted] · 1284 points · Posted at 23:18:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Pick out particularly memorable dates for things that actually happened in your real family and write about it as though you had some mundane errand to run.
Child's birth: "There was an engagement I had to attend, it was really more of a courtesy than anything as I didn't want to be there, and saw no reason as to why I should've gone in the first place, in any case, it was for that reason that I missed family game night, which up until then we had held every week on Wednesday. It was Pictionary night... Sometimes I still long for the feeling of a golf pencil in my hand. Yearn to be back at that table, with lines scribbled furiously, spiraling as uncontrollably as the Milky Way's zenith, while the sands of time slip past our fingers through the hourglass, easing us closer to our imminent doom in a crash course with Andromeda. What creation would I have wrought?"
Baron_von_Funkatron · 361 points · Posted at 00:24:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
...I want to read more things that you write.
Zodai · 94 points · Posted at 00:52:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
u/standerj for next famous author. Rescue us from this non-Standerj world!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:16:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Tried The Time Machine? You might like it. Not that OP's Wells.
Baron_von_Funkatron · 2 points · Posted at 16:27:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Read it years ago--wasn't a huge fan, honestly, but that's probably more a reflection on my tastes at the time than the novel itself. I should give it another shot sometime soon.
Critanium · 31 points · Posted at 01:47:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I feel like mentioning that the crash with Andromeda probably won't harm our solar system at all, but I don't want to be a dick, that's some damn good writing.
Could use some tips myself.
Moxxuren · 10 points · Posted at 02:04:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah "probably" it could also "probably" throw a star at us at 20,000 mph.
Critanium · 8 points · Posted at 02:52:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
There's plenty of space between things, but yeah, it certainly is a possibility. But the possibility of it being our star is so astronomically low it's practically nothing.
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 02:56:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
As I recall there's about a 10% chance that we get blown out of the new galaxy altogether, but even then our solar system is likely to remain intact. In either case Earth will be uninhabitable long before the collision happens.
flyinggoatcheese · 3 points · Posted at 07:32:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So it's like a world wide cliff hanger? No one will ever find out.
Have a wonderful day/u/standerj! Be safe.
Inconsequent · 1 points · Posted at 10:25:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wouldn't the gravity from Andromeda's galactic core and that of other heavenly bodies potentially cause huge changes?
forresja · 1 points · Posted at 13:03:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The galaxies will merge, and it's possible our system is ejected. It's much more likely that our system is simply integrated into the new galaxy and isn't directly changed in any significant way.
BasketofTits · 6 points · Posted at 00:34:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wow, that was beautiful.
rishav_sharan · 2 points · Posted at 08:31:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
to be fair, that would be less "wtf", and more likely to break the hearts of all those who loved you.
GandalfTheGrey1991 · 1 points · Posted at 08:08:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That was beautiful.
crafting-ur-end · 1 points · Posted at 14:40:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This was really nice, would you mind doing a few more journal entries?
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 12:20:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I want to have sex with you now.
[deleted] · 431 points · Posted at 20:19:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
coderascal · 469 points · Posted at 21:11:16 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A dangerous game if found before you die.
[deleted] · 181 points · Posted at 21:33:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nah, just be sure to include sources and you should be fine, if you dont you should hope that the person finding it isnt a teacher.
iminnola · 6 points · Posted at 01:31:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A dangerous game indeed...
Excalibursin · 8 points · Posted at 02:11:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The Most Dangerous Game, in a sense.
ninonic99 · 2 points · Posted at 12:15:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Goddammit. I thought I was out of English class.
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 01:46:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Balls2TheFloor · 8 points · Posted at 02:04:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Brb, purchasing some stuff
mdk_777 · 5 points · Posted at 02:14:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You need to pick some current famous people at the time (high level government officials, religious leaders, top actors, etc.) and put them near the top right under ??? to make it look like they're your next target, or the link to the leader.
penny_eater · 2 points · Posted at 15:13:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
For bonus points, put a column on the name list that counts down to 0, titled "how many are left"
sinni800 · 1 points · Posted at 15:59:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Also fake some information to give it all some dark undertone that they're all in one conspiracy.
notreallysrs · 10 points · Posted at 00:56:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A frame with the photo that it already comes with the fake family photo would throw your family off
FPMG · 3 points · Posted at 01:46:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Phoebe pls
fluteitup · 2 points · Posted at 01:53:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Do you watch Chasing Life?
TheCSKlepto · 2 points · Posted at 02:39:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Trying to explain your fake parents would be an uphill battle
ernstsaysno · 1 points · Posted at 05:15:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The trick is to make it sound like your actual family/life was the secondary/side family/life.
Nerdfighter1174 · 1 points · Posted at 06:03:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But the you mixed up the memoir so it's actually you just saying everything you wanted to say about your family.
mikillatja · 3730 points · Posted at 20:07:36 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note saying:
I did not die. I am still alive. The body you saw is a double from the CIA. I cannot tell you where I am. Even telling you this is putting you all in danger, but I feel I had to. Do not look for me, I love all of you.
Batmanstarwars1 · 1069 points · Posted at 21:22:26 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Grandpa is 96 years old why would the CIA need him? We can only assume it was for one last ride.
monkeyman427 · 468 points · Posted at 21:35:26 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bro have you even seen Red?
DFTBAlex · 287 points · Posted at 00:07:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or Metal Gear Solid 4?
ibbolia · 289 points · Posted at 02:02:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"I can't believe we never noticed that Uncle David was a rapidly aging clone of Big Boss"
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 11:55:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Could you believe that, uncle Hal? I mean, you guys lived together."
knockoutking · 14 points · Posted at 02:51:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
David Snake...
ceetc · 13 points · Posted at 05:08:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
David was his real name.
kenabi · 8 points · Posted at 12:53:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
don't be a hayter.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 03:52:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )
SpehlingAirer · 11 points · Posted at 02:17:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If only it wasn't for that Fox Die in MGS1!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:40:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Defective_Prototype · 13 points · Posted at 08:19:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But he was infected with the Kojima virus.
Victims of the Kojima virus become inflicted with increasingly complex plotlines and reality-bending abilities. That is why we have soviet generals with electric powers, giant robot creatures with nuclear/plasma weaponry, lightning cyborg ninjas, rapidly-aging soldiers, squads of highly trained soldiers that get distracted by cardboard and a United States senator made out of 100% raw testosterone.
There is no known cure for the Kojima virus. And based on recent studies, it has been discovered that it's terminal.
DFTBAlex · 1 points · Posted at 17:17:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Chronologically, yea, but his body was like 90 which was why he needed the muscle suit and the constant life saving injections.
TheOnlyCreed · 1 points · Posted at 15:09:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He was in his 40's but the FoxDie Virus gave him the body of a 70 year old.
Theguywiththeface11 · 1 points · Posted at 17:18:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Foxdie was the virus that he was given a long time ago so that he could be killed on command whenever needed
TheOnlyCreed · 1 points · Posted at 18:04:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Was it? Naomi explains that she doesnt know when the virus will kill him. And im 99% sure the virus makes him age faster. The virus was also going to be used as a biological weapon to kill other people. It was suppose to turn contagious but by deactivating GW and the other AI's it turned off the virus. Or something like that.
Theguywiththeface11 · 1 points · Posted at 18:21:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Did some more research and apparently, Foxdie kills certain people at certain programmed times. He only ages quickly because when he was designed, they made it so that his cells divide less efficiently so he ages faster. Something about not wanting Cipher getting their hands on him
thatJainaGirl · 1 points · Posted at 12:05:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"It's classic Werner's Syndrome."
Tischlampe · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or expandables
TheOnlyOmlet · 5 points · Posted at 00:18:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He's not that old, and Laurie hasn't popped one out yet so he's still just a father b
Qwernakus · 2 points · Posted at 09:49:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The best average movie I have ever seen.
Ach3rnar · 1 points · Posted at 08:01:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Loving him was red...
thisissamuelclemens · 1 points · Posted at 10:41:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, it looks like orange.
kstacey · 0 points · Posted at 13:29:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bro! Do you even bro?
mikillatja · 30 points · Posted at 21:41:32 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm just that good baby.
lawrenceCottaege · 2 points · Posted at 00:04:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Good you can have cake.
quicksilver4444 · 5 points · Posted at 21:48:11 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
You'd have to make sure you died at a young age.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 03:54:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That would make it funny to me, for sure.
NvrGonnaGiveYouUp · 1 points · Posted at 05:08:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
See you again.
Reoh · 1 points · Posted at 08:04:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
RED; Retired, Extremely Dangerous.
Otopython · 1 points · Posted at 09:34:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why is the CIA having sex with my dead grandpa?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:43:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One more last ride, Fast and Furious 96.
LividWonk · 1 points · Posted at 10:09:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Haha! I can see Q outfitting him with all sorts of overblown spy crap.
...Your denture adhesive doubles as high explosive, activated with a dab of Ben Gay. This Gold Bond body powder is a powerful nerve agent that can be tactically deployed through these threadbare floppy slippers. Prune juice that is, in reality, a concentrated acid. Several bottles of Centrum Silver that double as listening devices, since you're likely to leave them all over the place, anyway. These adult diapers are cleverly disguised short-range jetpacks that allow little over five minutes of flight time. This ratty bathrobe is fireproof and bullet resistant up to .338 calibre. This oxygen tank houses a powerful helium-dioxide laser, and is also an oxygen tank. Your four post walker carries a retrievable grapnel launcher with 50 meters of cabling, and has a plaque for your medications inscribed. This hearing aid--is just that. And, finally, this tube of exactly five Viagra tablets, because we have a lot of hope for you.
Now good luck, Agent Grandpa.
just_around · 1 points · Posted at 12:22:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Explains Chris Lee's "passing."
Saganated · 1 points · Posted at 14:04:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Expendables 6
RecDep · 1 points · Posted at 20:45:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's been a long day, without you my friend...
flashbunnny · 1 points · Posted at 04:11:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/fcbj8BBsWSA
FaptainSparrow · 0 points · Posted at 07:51:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just when I think I'm out, THEY DRAg ME BACK IN
[deleted] · 1501 points · Posted at 20:25:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I like this. You loved ones will think you are a international man of mystery keeping the world safe at night.
[deleted] · 2691 points · Posted at 21:41:26 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
My family would be like "gawd even when he's dead he's still a jerk"
germanyjr112 · 762 points · Posted at 22:56:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wow. He's a cunt, even 6 feet deep.
Nope__Nope__Nope · 629 points · Posted at 23:41:11 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
deleted What is this?
Ezekiel2121 · 1151 points · Posted at 00:34:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Almost rivals your mother.
lacabras · 14 points · Posted at 03:08:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
R E K T
heisyounghewillwalk · 4 points · Posted at 07:04:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
B R A V O E K T
Saktap23 · 98 points · Posted at 01:47:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Holy shit this guy just got roasted
Nope__Nope__Nope · 37 points · Posted at 02:02:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
deleted What is this?
SonnyTheDuck · 2 points · Posted at 11:15:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Mom get the camera out
Incanzio · 2 points · Posted at 12:16:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Like a single almond w/ parsley.
chris732 · 2 points · Posted at 06:36:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Kinda like how your mum got spit-roasted.
[deleted] · -9 points · Posted at 02:08:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
_George_Bush_ · 5 points · Posted at 02:21:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Than*
And you can thank me for destroying those huge prices of shit.
omicronperseiB8 · -2 points · Posted at 10:45:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not at all, it's unfunny and its in every god damn thread because you fucking unfunny bastards keep on upvoting this shit
brcasas · 5 points · Posted at 03:00:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Daaaaaamn
madhaxor · 4 points · Posted at 06:52:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
paging /u/Nope_Nope_Nope
Blackpixels · 3 points · Posted at 03:35:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Set yourself up for that.
MrWillsEyeBrows · 3 points · Posted at 04:27:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rekt.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 04:40:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Apply water to burned area...
SirPranceA_Lot · 3 points · Posted at 05:21:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the burn that started all those forrest fires across California.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 00:39:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
, Trebek!
NateTehGreat · 3 points · Posted at 03:32:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My first thought too!
"Your mother was a whore."
I_Dont_Group · 4 points · Posted at 01:45:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fucking Rinsed.
asj29 · 4 points · Posted at 06:17:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rinsed??
germanyjr112 · 4 points · Posted at 09:15:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's when a diss is so good all you can do is stand in the shower for hours crying and regretting your life choices.
mollymauler · 3 points · Posted at 11:13:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
i just added this to my lexicon, anyone else?
SeansGodly · 2 points · Posted at 04:34:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not even close
neefvii · 3 points · Posted at 02:14:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Your Momma" jokes are old and over-used.
... like your momma.
kieko · 1 points · Posted at 06:39:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nope, hers is average, yours is just waaaay below average.
stevebell95 · 1 points · Posted at 07:55:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Boom, roasted.
richardyzx9 · 1 points · Posted at 16:39:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fucking savage
DoctorGirby · 1 points · Posted at 16:57:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fucking berserk
Bartisgod · 1 points · Posted at 18:13:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
www.brsg.org
_George_Bush_ · 1 points · Posted at 02:20:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
rekt
allisslothed · 1 points · Posted at 02:38:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Shots fired!!
Thastuff · 1 points · Posted at 04:02:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
FUCKING GO TO SLEEP /u/Nope__Nope__Nope
MuffinManNZ · 4 points · Posted at 03:03:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ah, the old Reddit Cunt-A-Roo
Nope__Nope__Nope · 3 points · Posted at 03:07:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
deleted What is this?
urbigbutt · 2 points · Posted at 04:07:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's still warm . . hmmmm. .
twinfyre · 2 points · Posted at 04:09:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
ballsdeep4u
Malolo_Moose · 2 points · Posted at 05:38:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not if you had life insurance.
AalewisX · 1 points · Posted at 11:03:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
By gawd he had a family
black_fire · 193 points · Posted at 20:53:10 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or on some dank ass kush
derzigo · 57 points · Posted at 21:16:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
which is what i would prefer anyways, really
PM_ME_YOUR_FELINE · 2 points · Posted at 03:31:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
FTFY.
_Nygma_ · 1 points · Posted at 06:17:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Love me some of that ass kush.
TheCSKlepto · 2 points · Posted at 02:38:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Who's keeping it safe during the day?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:43:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
C.O.P.S.
Mista_Wong · 2 points · Posted at 10:26:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah baby yeeaaahh. Do we shag now, or shag later.
Uncle_Jerry · 2 points · Posted at 16:22:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I shouldn't have had to dig this deep for an Austin Powers reference
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:09:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Stop. Just stop.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:21:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I feel this would be hard for them to believe if I died at an old age.
Fullmetal9780 · 1 points · Posted at 08:52:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:46:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
you are an international
Sorry that's one of my pet peeves.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:29:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your (intentional) my pet peeve.
Tom_Rrr · 132 points · Posted at 23:24:32 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think that would be awful for the family, it would be extremely hard for them to get some closure.
[deleted] · 209 points · Posted at 00:04:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I guess you could put a small disclaimer at the end like "haha, just kidding, I truly am deceased."
dbreeck · 139 points · Posted at 04:51:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
With a post-script below that: "Or am I?"
Tristen9 · 6 points · Posted at 13:40:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
With some microscopic text "Seriously though, I am"
--cheese-- · 1 points · Posted at 14:41:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I was thinking more a PTO with "lol j/k of fucking course I'm dead" on the back.
CokeCanNinja · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And below that "Yeah, I am :("
sap91 · 10 points · Posted at 06:18:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
SIKE I'M DEAD AS FUCK YO! LOVE GRANDMA
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 08:59:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Haha just a prank bro
Whywouldanyonedothat · 2 points · Posted at 08:55:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
LOL, RIP ME!!
HUGZZ, THE GRAMPZTA
ramandur · 11 points · Posted at 00:38:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
When my dad was in hospice he was half out of it and rambled on about his time working for the government in south america and how beautiful the woman there were. He had never traveled there that we know of so it was kinda odd and he was on some serious pain killers at the time
gnovos · 3 points · Posted at 04:11:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"BURN THIS NOTE"
ibrajy_bldzhad · 1 points · Posted at 11:19:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, just a note that tells you tu burn it.
ANUSTART942 · 3 points · Posted at 00:42:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago.
Oh no! Not me! I never lost control!
You're face, to face, with the man who sold the world.
nate800 · 3 points · Posted at 01:46:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Then my family would spend their whole lives looking for me wondering where I went or why I never reached out... that would suck.
jessewerewolf · 3 points · Posted at 03:45:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Cheeky cunt, that m8."
Poles_Pole_Vaults · 3 points · Posted at 05:37:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Working hard for the CIA at age 98. What a guy."
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:40:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm not sure if this would make me happy or incredibly frustrated.
happyfinesadrepeat · 2 points · Posted at 00:54:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Isthisgoodenoughyet · 2 points · Posted at 01:40:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That would be so evil, I love it
Enzo95 · 2 points · Posted at 01:57:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nice try NSA.
jeremyjava · 2 points · Posted at 03:38:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just put this on my To Do list. Thanks.
Astrusum · 2 points · Posted at 09:58:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Improving on this: write your signature, date the note 1 week from now and make a new one once a week, so when they open the safe the note will be dated after you died.
omgdinosaurs · 2 points · Posted at 14:37:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I like this idea. This way, I can kill myself and my parents will still have hope.
shandromand · 1 points · Posted at 00:18:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
FTFY
fasterfind · 1 points · Posted at 05:30:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
that's full of win.
Sir_mr · 1 points · Posted at 05:47:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My family would all say they wouldn't believe it but slowly over time it would creep up on them and they may start to believe. They will see a sign and think maybe but push it out of their head just as quickly as it came.
BendOverBf · 1 points · Posted at 08:07:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
LMFAO
Max_minutia · 1 points · Posted at 10:43:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Great. Not only are we not going to see dad again, but he has made us accessories to insurance fraud.
Treyzania · 1 points · Posted at 12:23:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
RemindMe! 60 years
penny_eater · 1 points · Posted at 15:14:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"So he can't say where he is and doesn't want to be found, but he wants to put us in danger by leaving this note. Jesus when will he stop being an asshole."
Bumrusher507 · 1353 points · Posted at 20:13:02 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
20 copies of ET for the Atari
rpnoonan · 423 points · Posted at 22:27:55 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
That would be a particularly good one to leave for the brattiest one in the family. Leave them the safe and all the contents in it so they're thinking "Sweet! It could be millions!" and then when they open it it's the worst game ever made.
Internet-justice · 182 points · Posted at 23:00:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
To be fair those games are pretty rare
GetOrangePeeled · 200 points · Posted at 23:24:17 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I forgot, it was just the box of the game NOT in mint condition.
Mr-Rocafella · 33 points · Posted at 01:04:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What do you mean you forgot? You're not even the comments OP! Hey everyone, we've got a phony here. A big fat phony.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 02:05:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Mr-Rocafella · 1 points · Posted at 02:48:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
cringe
Dlgredael · 5 points · Posted at 02:22:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sorry to say they're not very rare. You can get them for like 8 bucks on eBay.
BobIV · 2 points · Posted at 12:48:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I got handed one with an old Atari a few years ago. Rigged it to my TV and played through some classics before being utterly dumbfounded by the ET game.
Even for the standards of the time, that was a horrible horrible game.
Birdyer · 3 points · Posted at 02:03:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And there is cheeto dust smeared in the contact area on the game.
75elky · 29 points · Posted at 23:32:14 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Really? I thought they weren't even sought after. I've had my cart for years, posted pictures when people started taking about how bad it was, but nobody seems to want it
kippy3267 · 21 points · Posted at 01:18:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
They are rare and not sought after. They're rare because a TON of copies were buried in the desert in mexico (I think it was mexico, i know they were disposed of)
60FromBorder · 16 points · Posted at 01:29:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Close. It was in New Mexico. Outside Alamogordo (They were recently uncovered)
Whywouldanyonedothat · 6 points · Posted at 09:05:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
There's a New Mexico, now?
A_favorite_rug · 4 points · Posted at 02:18:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Aw yes...Mexico's insider...
cdc194 · 2 points · Posted at 02:50:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I thought that was Denver.
DirtyMexican87 · 1 points · Posted at 16:17:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is true.
Silverlight42 · 2 points · Posted at 12:43:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
They aren't rare, they're still all over flea markets, etc.
Notdrugs · 1 points · Posted at 16:10:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, for some reason theres this rummor on the internet that this game is rare but it isnt true at all. Ive never seen a collection of more than 15 atari games that didnt have ET.
Silverlight42 · 2 points · Posted at 16:14:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Exactly... usually multiple. I know I have at least 2 and I try to actively avoid them.
MikoSqz · 9 points · Posted at 23:42:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Complete in box is apparently worth a bit, cart not so much. This is usually the case.
shadowsog95 · 4 points · Posted at 01:20:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rare and desirable are two different things.
megajs · 4 points · Posted at 23:43:46 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
You can buy a copy for less than $5. That's hardly rare
TheOnlyOmlet · 5 points · Posted at 00:21:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
As well as hundreds of copies being tossed into landfills around the globe... Sounds shitty and like there is an abundance of them.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 03:34:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
There's more of them than there are actual Ataris.
GimpedNinja · 4 points · Posted at 00:43:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rare does not mean valuable.
kbobdc3 · 3 points · Posted at 03:32:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A flash drive with 20 ET ROMs.
riman9797 · 2 points · Posted at 01:32:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ya i think it is just the box. I have seen people selling working copies for under a buck if i recall correctly
flame3457 · 2 points · Posted at 01:38:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not entirely, there's a local store here selling a couple of them for 0.99$ each
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 09:11:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
They aren't really worth anything though. My local game store had 30 copies for 1$ each and when I wanted to buy one the guy said "why the fuck should I accept money for that piece of shit. Just take it you're doing me a favor"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No, it was one of the most common Atari cartridges. In fact, Atari (stupidly) manufactured more copies of ET than there were Atari 2600 consoles in existence to play them. That's part of why it was such a failure is that their expectations were so ridiculously high that no game could have lived up to it. And they gave the poor guy who was to author the game only 6 weeks to do the whole thing which was unrealistic. He hit their schedule and made the game and he did his best in the time allotted, but geez.
LeftyRougeFreckles · 1 points · Posted at 07:19:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Those games are common as fuck
Nik_tortor · 1 points · Posted at 09:14:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rare doesn't always mean its worth something.
TestZero · 1 points · Posted at 11:09:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No they're not. Over 12 million copies were made.
danintexas · 1 points · Posted at 11:50:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Naw. I think I have 5 ET carts in the closet. They made so many of those things
Silverlight42 · 1 points · Posted at 12:42:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
ET? No way. Not rare at all - very common. I got a couple and they were just in package deals. I didn't mean to get those. It actually isn't that terrible a game as people make it out to be.
res30stupid · 1 points · Posted at 20:02:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How about an empty casing?
Internet-justice · 2 points · Posted at 02:27:18 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well the as the hundreds of comments informing me of the game's worthlessness have told me, the casing is the only valuable part.
Argonexx · 7 points · Posted at 00:49:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
To Jimmy, I leave my steam account, worth around 500$
500 copies of Bad Rats
rhllor · 1 points · Posted at 13:27:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why not throw in a copy of Secrets of the Magic Crystals.
kodran · 3 points · Posted at 08:03:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Add some copies of Shaq Fu
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 02:33:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's actually not that bad a game. It was actually pretty revolutionary for its time. The biggest problem was that people never read the manual. The only major issue with the game, is how falling into holes worked. It's not random like people think. The issue is that the game is played from an isometric view, a la The Legend of Zelda, but the collision detection is pixel perfect, so if any part of ET overlaps a hole, he falls in. Once you know about that, the game becomes a lot easier. So now that we're past that, let's look at some of the things the game did that were new and revolutionary. First off, it had a story. Obviously this is assisted by being an adaptation of a hugely successful movie. It had an ending... Fuck that, it goes even further than having an ending; it had an ending cutscene. That's right, you actually got a reward for finishing the game (and finishing the game is a new concept as well). It also looked really good for the time. Yeah, we laugh at it now, but for its time, it looks fantastic. Also a bunch of other stuff I'm too lazy to type out right now. All in all, ET for the 2600 is actually a good game, and doesn't deserve the hate it gets.
ciny · 2 points · Posted at 08:34:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I played the game and I have to disagree, it was a glitchy mess and confusing as hell, falling through the holes was just one of the problems. I'd boot up my old atari just to try it again (it's been a few years since I played it) but I know I'd just end up playing pitfall 2 (if nothing else it had an awesome theme )
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:47:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
See, people always say it was glitchy, then don't back it up; it really wasn't glitchy in the slightest. Can you please explain how it was glitchy or what didn't make sense?
ciny · 2 points · Posted at 12:06:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
and let's not forget - games like pole position, pitfall or tron were released around that time. Compared to them ET is mediocre at best...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:01:28 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Except they did work, and after you collected 9 of them, you could call Elliot for a piece of the telephone.
I just explained they weren't invisible, they were a result of the collision detection being pixel perfect, and as a result, if ANY of ET overlapped a hole, he fell in
Never heard of this one, it sounds a lot like the one bug that can result in "invisible pits"
Here, this page sums up the problems, how they aren't problems, and what the game's actual problems are a lot better than I can. http://www.neocomputer.org/projects/et/
ciny · 1 points · Posted at 06:19:39 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm going to check during the weekend on the bugs just to be sure, it's been years since I played it.
I fully understand what you mean. however I'm pretty sure sometimes holes spawned without being visible. I'll check during the weekend.
However when you look at it - 50 shades of green, pseudo-isometric view combined with pixel perfect collision detection is not the best combination for a good game. I'd suggest a few ways I would solve it however I never had to work with memory constraint of 128 bytes and no framebuffer. Just reading about the way the 2600 worked makes my head spin.
dezeiram · 1 points · Posted at 19:15:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Even after reading the manual, ET is still the only game that has nearly driven me to destroy every electronic within a mile. I feel like it was designed badly in general in terms of playerxgame interaction. The game might be good, the player might be good, but that game was fucking terrible.
lolWireshark · 2 points · Posted at 02:21:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He could cash in some serious karma if he drags it out enough though.
ChazCliffhanger · 2 points · Posted at 03:10:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I thought Knack was the worst game ever made.
MadBotanist · 2 points · Posted at 13:40:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And a boot to the head.
Dixnorkel · 1 points · Posted at 05:49:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It would be best if you included in the note that one of the copies contained the combination to your Oreo safe. Then the little fuckers would have to play it, trying to decipher a code from anything that looks different on one of the copies, eventually leading to a massive psychosis or vegetative state.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:28:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Cory in the house? metacritic is a great place.
EchoOfNoise · 9 points · Posted at 23:05:54 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't forget that one Superman game!
Jaexyn · 25 points · Posted at 23:14:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And a note attached to it says: "Once you beat this game, a special message will be displayed showing the location of my true wealth."
Good luck suckers.
tokyorockz · 11 points · Posted at 01:38:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Program it so at the end of the game this appears.
MurgleMcGurgle · 3 points · Posted at 23:36:13 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is delightfully evil. I love it.
BootyBurglar · 3 points · Posted at 01:35:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But there is still 20 copies and only one actually shows the location
Jaexyn · 3 points · Posted at 02:20:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yes...awesome. Have to keep beating them till you find the right one lol.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 03:53:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Best one yet!
bobthedanger · 3 points · Posted at 23:12:37 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Did they even made 20 of those?
DramaticFinger · 2 points · Posted at 00:56:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, thousands and thousands actually. It was actually hoped that the popularity of the film would cause more Atari 2600's to be purchased during Christmas, and as such Atari made more copies than there were consoles in homes. Due to a rushed developement cycle and the fact that the game is an unintuitive open world adventure the game flopped critically and commercially.
Its fashionable to call it an awful game, and its not great by any means. It is however an ambitious title that experimented with a number of concepts you wouldn't see in console games for many years, including context sensitive abilities and randomization of elements in an open-world setting.
BioBen9250 · 3 points · Posted at 01:35:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And also it almost ended video games as a medium.
LionOfAfghanistan · 2 points · Posted at 02:18:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just call Pawn Stars and get BattleToads.
VY_Cannabis_Majoris · 2 points · Posted at 03:06:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Context?
Skutter_ · 2 points · Posted at 08:24:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
With all the labels peeled off, so they have to go through every one
poobicus · 2 points · Posted at 09:16:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
gonna have to go do some diggin'
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:05:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
At one point I had 50 sealed copies of Kangaroo Jack.
Thrackerz0d · 3292 points · Posted at 19:32:42 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
In a walk in safe, 30 rolls of toilet paper, bulk boxes of lotion, and in the center a chair with a copy of playboy that has the faces of all of the males in my family pasted onto the models
Mrthereverend · 2678 points · Posted at 20:12:12 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And all the eyes scratched out.
WildTurkey81 · 1387 points · Posted at 22:24:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Jesus, dude.
[deleted] · 2138 points · Posted at 22:30:17 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
ItPutsLotionOnItSkin · 669 points · Posted at 22:50:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Holy fuck
[deleted] · 988 points · Posted at 22:58:48 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the cross again.
PlatnumxStatuS · 259 points · Posted at 23:24:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh God...
[deleted] · 309 points · Posted at 23:37:28 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Psshhh, why? We already got Jesus.
[deleted] · 15 points · Posted at 01:56:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
These past 7 comments are the reason I love reddit.
FIERY_URETHRA · 2 points · Posted at 02:58:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh Reekris...
GraveChild27 · 2 points · Posted at 03:24:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
*lawdreekris
is_annoying · 20 points · Posted at 00:16:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh Lord...
Serithi · 9 points · Posted at 01:01:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life...
Alethiometer_AMA · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Know yourself, known your worth...
Cheese_God · 4 points · Posted at 00:24:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah... dear me...
Moarkittens · 8 points · Posted at 02:37:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Y'all are some depraved mother fuckers.
walla_walla_rhubarb · 2 points · Posted at 03:38:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
*or else it gets baptised again
Madlibsluver · 2 points · Posted at 10:53:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Annnnd I'm an awful Christian because I laughed.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:17:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You're an awful Christian? I made the joke! I can practically smell my hair burning.
Madlibsluver · 1 points · Posted at 14:31:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hahahahaha
Throw_away6969696969 · 1 points · Posted at 05:21:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It puts the autotrader in the basket!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:55:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You people just made me laugh hard enough to give me an asthma attack!
GrahamHosken · 1 points · Posted at 07:06:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
put the lotion in the crown
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:28:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just hope for no nail trimmers
2girls1laxative · 19 points · Posted at 23:02:11 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah it is
HeeveHo · 2 points · Posted at 23:03:31 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Holy masturbation.... FTFY
Martlan · 1 points · Posted at 11:27:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Holy fap FTFY
rawesome400 · 2 points · Posted at 23:29:09 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Heh.
Metabolical · 2 points · Posted at 23:53:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Relevant user name.
LaserRed · 2 points · Posted at 00:54:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Exactly the kind of fuck I'm looking for ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
SlottedPig1 · 2 points · Posted at 02:42:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The holiest of fucks.
eric67 · 2 points · Posted at 02:55:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
sum tin wong
High_Seas_Pirate · 2 points · Posted at 03:49:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yes, it would be.
evilbrent · 2 points · Posted at 03:55:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You know you've crossed a sexual deviant line in the sand when even itputsthelotiononitsskin is shocked
WhenIWasAnAliennn · 1 points · Posted at 07:21:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The Holiest of Fucks.
xanatos451 · 1 points · Posted at 12:21:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Jesus Fucking Christ
Werewolf978 · 2 points · Posted at 01:11:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
hes related to Jesus?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:40:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ah, the old reddit maleface-a-roo!
Sir_Fappleton · 3 points · Posted at 02:49:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hold my safe, I'm going in!
twinfyre · 1 points · Posted at 04:17:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thanks brah!
Malolo_Moose · 1 points · Posted at 05:40:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Baby Jesus
Abohir · 1 points · Posted at 10:26:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I knew it, I always thought our gardener looked an aweful like me...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:12:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Scotty?
Jesus, man!
Lalalaalaa
palanark · 1 points · Posted at 12:28:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A way to guarantee a second cumming
nightpanda893 · 3 points · Posted at 04:07:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, because that was the comment that took it over the line...
donrane · 3 points · Posted at 01:45:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You said it man.
nmotsch789 · 21 points · Posted at 00:16:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
...I don't get it.
[deleted] · 53 points · Posted at 03:33:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
titty_boobs · 27 points · Posted at 04:19:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's also like a serial killer movie cliche thing to do. It's even been parodied on South Park. The one where Cartman was a psychic detective. When the cop was surveying the dude's house, "I see you like cutting the eyes out of photos of women. My son is a big fan of that, too."
TrentGgrims · 5 points · Posted at 04:22:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It was a bridge, post was on /r/LetsNotMeet.
sativacyborg_420 · 1 points · Posted at 07:19:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
sauce?
maxdero · 5 points · Posted at 07:33:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
There also is a follow up post, not shure if it is linked there
TheRealChizz · 8 points · Posted at 01:16:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I always wondered why they did that.
M3nt0R · 2 points · Posted at 17:37:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Eyes portray the liveliness of a person. No eyes create a dehumanized object of a person. That's my guess.
sweetmojaveraiin · 3 points · Posted at 04:10:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
what the fuck am i reading i have things to do
epicface1399 · 2 points · Posted at 03:35:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That that went from really weird to creepy as fuck with just a single detail
PATXS · 2 points · Posted at 04:03:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What's up with the crossing out the eyes thing?
bigmcstrongmuscle · 1 points · Posted at 12:36:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I guess that's what happens when things get Oedipal.
Ollie_max2 · 1 points · Posted at 14:46:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Inside a bridge
black_fire · 848 points · Posted at 20:52:35 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And one small, odd smelling shoe box, who's lid is stuck closed
_Nygma_ · 640 points · Posted at 21:18:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
DON'T SUMMON IT
TokEmon24 · 417 points · Posted at 21:24:57 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
CUMBOX
Sadistic_Butt_Pirate · 289 points · Posted at 21:56:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
It is too late
It is already here
Jatz55 · 219 points · Posted at 00:15:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You need to say it three times for it to show up
Cumbox
Cumbox
Cumbox
Luke339 · 116 points · Posted at 02:03:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[💦]
starite · 1 points · Posted at 21:33:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
🔥🔥 😷 [ 💦 ]
thatwasnotkawaii · 8 points · Posted at 00:41:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But we said it 4 times now...
Does it show up still?
Iamchinesedotcom · 3 points · Posted at 01:35:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
TIL there is a Pinhead...
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 01:56:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
IT IS I!! THE PREDICTED CUMBOX CUMMING TO A REDDIT THREAD NEAR YOU!!!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:26:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
DAAANN DAAANNDAAN DAAAAAAAN!
99TheCreator · 3 points · Posted at 03:44:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The end times have cum...
flashbunnny · 3 points · Posted at 04:14:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
💦📦
lakeweed · 121 points · Posted at 22:07:27 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
From the museum of filth
PinkTrench · 101 points · Posted at 23:20:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Holy shit he posted today.
How is somebody active when every single person's RAS tag on them is "Cum-Box"
[deleted] · 191 points · Posted at 23:41:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
I don't think anyone that has a "cumbox" really gives a flying fuck about what others think.
Birdyer · 5 points · Posted at 02:01:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I wonder what how he reacts whenever he bumps into a cumbox reference on reddit
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 02:17:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I wonder what the fuck it looks like now
AalewisX · 3 points · Posted at 11:05:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's become the only other planet in the solar system that can support life
A_favorite_rug · 5 points · Posted at 02:16:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Only one way to find out. Somebody say his name three times and let's see if he cums (heh) or not.
dankmernes · 1 points · Posted at 09:44:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"I made that!"
:D
joedl1 · 2 points · Posted at 05:54:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Anyone who takes a picture and shares it on reddit more like
Warlock_225 · 1 points · Posted at 07:14:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The real question is if he gives a swimming fuck.
porkyminch · 9 points · Posted at 05:01:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
More bizarrely 7.5 MILLION people have viewed this guy's cum box album. Go back in time to the 60s and try explaining that to someone.
tzulu72 · 3 points · Posted at 02:54:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
and the tag color is white?
MrFalconGarcia · 3 points · Posted at 05:52:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And he almost exclusively comments on posts about the Syrian civil war it seems.
Tuba4life1000 · 2 points · Posted at 02:35:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm surprised on each and every one of his posts someone hasn't gone and written CUMBOX as a comment.
Achierius · 2 points · Posted at 05:46:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
All his posts are on the Syrian civil war. Huh.
XxLokixX · 1 points · Posted at 09:48:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Summoning /u/Lynfect
PriestlyAxis77 · 2 points · Posted at 00:12:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What's the point of using no participation on an archived thread?
lawlsquid · 2 points · Posted at 00:50:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
ITS FILTHY MUSEUM LIVE!
PeanutButter707 · 2 points · Posted at 02:48:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Risky click
lakeweed · 1 points · Posted at 10:34:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think everyone here knows what to expect from the Reddit archives by now...
AreMYparentsRllyMine · 1 points · Posted at 07:57:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Eww. Now I have to delete my Web history.
ilais2 · 2 points · Posted at 21:56:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
CUMBOX
motionglitch · 2 points · Posted at 22:00:13 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
CUMBOX
ljnr · 1 points · Posted at 10:09:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I command F'd "cumbox" and was not disappointed, my friend.
Siegfried262 · 21 points · Posted at 21:54:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's like Beetlejuice, you have to say it three times or it doesn't work.
[deleted] · 71 points · Posted at 22:06:21 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Bloodshed101010 · 30 points · Posted at 22:26:54 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Benedict cumbox?
[deleted] · 38 points · Posted at 21:19:26 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
That looks like someone tried to burn it, but put out.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 00:05:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Haha they did! Read the thread it's disgusting. It apparently was too wet to burn.
Kraymur · 2 points · Posted at 03:38:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He says he did try burning it. But the fire sizzled out.
Roberth1990 · 2 points · Posted at 22:59:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't get the reference.
graydog117 · 2 points · Posted at 03:35:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
PENIS YANKA WANKA
spudnick_redux · 1 points · Posted at 11:21:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
'Odd' is being very kind
[deleted] · 85 points · Posted at 20:11:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't forget the XL dildos!
[deleted] · 72 points · Posted at 20:25:10 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Mom! What the hell is in this man's ass?!"
CuntCannonCanyon · 70 points · Posted at 23:15:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Oh don't act like you've never seen a...'marital aide' before!"
batty3108 · 3 points · Posted at 06:22:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Potato, Po-dildo.
feuerrot · 4 points · Posted at 02:05:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ποrmαl οr α bαddrαgοη οηε?
AmethystLullaby · 6 points · Posted at 04:49:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bad Dragon doesn't kid around.
gamebird8000 · 95 points · Posted at 19:57:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
you're sick
TheFakeFrench · 83 points · Posted at 20:07:41 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Make sure the toilet paper is negative ply.
Batmanstarwars1 · 75 points · Posted at 21:21:02 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I could feel my butthole whimper when I read that.
BurningPickle · 4 points · Posted at 00:40:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Are you sure it wasn't just a squeaky fart?
Drasern · 2 points · Posted at 03:42:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Gotta make sure you scrape out clean, inside and out.
MiamiPower · 2 points · Posted at 04:24:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The butthole whisper.
CuzDam · 2 points · Posted at 06:50:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The butthole whisperer.
PoisonousPlatypus · 2 points · Posted at 03:32:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, it actually uses your own butthole skin.
QSector · 6 points · Posted at 21:58:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Currently on display in the Contemporary Arts Museum
ReaderWalrus · 2 points · Posted at 03:24:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ha! Funny!
So while we're on the subject do you use RES?
sargonkid · 1 points · Posted at 15:18:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And an old unlabled half full jar of Mayonaise?
Angstromium · 586 points · Posted at 19:53:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A set of latex masks of your own face along with a cheatsheet of the names of all your siblings and friends, and a book titled "Report" with every page covered in indecipherable heiroglyphs but interleaved with photos of the family.
Jatz55 · 167 points · Posted at 00:19:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Written with the same symbols as the Voynich manuscript
[deleted] · -12 points · Posted at 09:18:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 17:24:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He said "indecipherable," not "so easy my child could do it."
Turtledonuts · 22 points · Posted at 23:46:20 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
written in xkcd beanish.
Ittybittykittycommit · 5 points · Posted at 03:19:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This one is my favorite so far
PM_ME_UR_RX · 3 points · Posted at 02:18:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is amazing, never even thought of that
ViolentCheese · 2 points · Posted at 17:15:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
do you think about this often?
Turfie146 · 1874 points · Posted at 22:04:42 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A mason jar full of toe nail clippings. A glow in the dark condom full of tobacco spit. The lyrics to every Rebecca Black song written backwards in white crayon.
Kaneshadow · 470 points · Posted at 00:49:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You're good at this
Turfie146 · 197 points · Posted at 01:01:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And yet I have no children to actually mess with. Pity.
DOPE_ASFUCK_USERNAME · 28 points · Posted at 02:42:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I wonder why
/s
cdc194 · 7 points · Posted at 02:53:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dont say that too loud or a stork will arrive and thoroughly fuck your life UP!
Turfie146 · 12 points · Posted at 02:54:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No worries, I'm an unfuckable loser.
cdc194 · 9 points · Posted at 03:05:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hey, dont be hard on yourself, theres a woman out there who will eventually hit rock bottom standards-wise and settle for both of us. Different women i mean... probably.
KingEnemyOne · 1 points · Posted at 13:31:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pshh if I had a vaginas I'd tots let u bang Dat shit. Bromosexuals dawg.
woundedstork · 2 points · Posted at 06:27:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You rang?
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 03:48:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
even better! give it to someone else's kids
BionicBeans · 2 points · Posted at 03:19:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I wonder why...
I_EAT_POOP_AMA · 2 points · Posted at 03:43:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Do you want a few? Because you and me can actually make it happen.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:21:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'd have never guessed
SeemsL3g1t_Top · 2 points · Posted at 07:30:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That might be the reason
Cap3127 · 1 points · Posted at 13:59:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why am I not surprised?
[deleted] · 693 points · Posted at 23:52:42 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Calm down santa.
Turfie146 · 160 points · Posted at 23:57:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Did hell freeze over?
Chivio_Yshtar · 3 points · Posted at 04:22:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The North Pole melted.
GrahamHosken · 4 points · Posted at 07:10:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
yes actually there is a town in Michigan called hell annd it does snow
Marduk96 · 1 points · Posted at 08:45:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
just those bloody dyslexic kids again
AgentPaint · 0 points · Posted at 06:41:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No Heaven just got flooded by lava
I_am_Santa_Claus · 12 points · Posted at 04:52:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't fucking tell me what to do.
FIERY_URETHRA · 9 points · Posted at 02:57:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Uhhh....
Kadexe · 6 points · Posted at 06:01:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Best typo ever
ProWaterboarder · 3 points · Posted at 15:55:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ho ho ho ly shit
Mrkingman · 1 points · Posted at 16:53:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Santa?
RobinHoodRat · 9 points · Posted at 02:58:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I went to a guys house when I was young a he had toenails in a little container. I was like for what? And he pops one in his mouth. I was like damn dude.... gross.
Pabloster · 3 points · Posted at 01:36:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Is it weird that I actually collected a jar of my fingernail and toenail clippings in college? Too bad I threw it out
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 02:12:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rebecca Black had more than one song? That was the "Friday" girl, right?
uniquepurecombat · 5 points · Posted at 02:28:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
She had like, at least two.
Turfie146 · 3 points · Posted at 02:13:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Unfortunately, yes.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 03:04:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well, this is going to be the most depressing obligatory googling I've ever done.
I_think_things · 3 points · Posted at 04:14:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I once found just this (toenail clippings) while cleaning out a client's room at a group home for the mentally ill. Was that you?!
Johnnybxd · 3 points · Posted at 06:05:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Lmfao omfg...
degjo · 2 points · Posted at 01:13:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How many are there?
1man_factory · 2 points · Posted at 06:55:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An actual wtf response. Upvote for you, Turfie.
Cymonkey · 5 points · Posted at 00:30:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh my God, so Goddamn funny.
beardedandkinky · 1 points · Posted at 11:49:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wasn't there someone who casually posted a picture with a mason jar of toe nail clippings and another one of pubes in the back ground.
Hard boiled vs raw egg after a year or something like that
Turfie146 · 2 points · Posted at 12:01:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I suppose it's possible but I just put my synapses to random shuffle and took the first 3 things that came up.
cubbyatx · 1 points · Posted at 13:00:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The Aristocrats!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:46:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And that all is considered... weird? :/
HypnoticONE · 976 points · Posted at 19:38:53 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A long list of names (including the names of your family) with a bunch of them crossed off.
Enrgkid · 275 points · Posted at 21:44:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Including your own name???
nate800 · 84 points · Posted at 01:50:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Killing yourself adds to the mystery
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 02:01:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Should have done it in a different order
SpastixFantastix · 9 points · Posted at 23:26:07 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Plot twist!
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 03:51:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What a twist!
Targaryen-ish · 1 points · Posted at 07:04:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Crossed off
losian · 611 points · Posted at 21:59:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Have your name first, crossed off, and then at the bottom: "Memo: Reorganize list? Food for thought."
pannenkoek2012 · 518 points · Posted at 00:27:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
nate800 · 681 points · Posted at 01:49:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Our son always was a fucking moron."
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 03:18:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Get away from me you fucking moron.
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 10:54:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sorry in advance to anybody named Moron. I'm sorry for your upcoming days at work when you're called on the PA.
MOOOM, MORON IS TRYING TO FUCK ME AGAIN
NO, HE'S FUCKING ME!
NO! HE FUCKING ME!
MOOOOOM HELP
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
MOM! OMFG
BITCH
TitleNotAvailable · 3 points · Posted at 01:07:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
May I should do that?*
fixed that
mrt90 · 1 points · Posted at 02:07:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He's roleplaying as a guy planning to murder his whole family starting with himself. Cut him some slack.
Axwellington88 · 0 points · Posted at 07:43:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Maybe*
__LordNibbler__ · 199 points · Posted at 23:30:37 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thank god he was a tard...
BrightNooblar · 10 points · Posted at 01:47:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Honestly, just get the whole family list, and cross people off as they die. As long as you cross yourself off ahead of time and keep it up to date, it comes across as an anonymous threat, not your own hit list.
Bonus points if you have a contingency set up so that a few copies get mailed out to a specific few family members where their own name being crossed out is the only change.
ibbolia · 11 points · Posted at 02:05:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"If you're reading this, you and I are already dead"
WMann95 · 85 points · Posted at 22:15:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A long list of names with some dead in there. Cross off the dead ones.
[deleted] · 107 points · Posted at 23:29:41 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Including your own name.
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 23:58:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
The name should be at the end of the list, crossed.
illyume · 4 points · Posted at 12:03:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Better:
List of names, with yours in the middle or so.
Most of the names before yours are people who've died prematurely.
Green check/tick marks next to the ones before you who've actually died. Toss in a couple red herrings of names that didn't die. Mark with red X's (one or more) and no green ticks. On second thought, maybe add a red X or two next to some of the names in the list that did die (x's go before ✓'s).
Your name with a ☺ next to it.
Then a bunch of names of people who are still alive, with no marks next to their names.
So something like this:
Jon Doe X ✓
Mr Mann ✓
Filler Name X X X X X
Riff Raff X X ✓
Mr G ✓
illyume ☺
WMann95
Lewleit
Xantoxu
Dude Guy
rausegeorgia · 1 points · Posted at 11:57:35 on September 18, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why a smiley next to your name?
Xantoxu · 3 points · Posted at 00:29:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I like how you replied to his comment with his comment.
just_learning_ · 2 points · Posted at 02:30:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a list of all your family members and george Clooney
Bardlar · 1 points · Posted at 14:13:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Some of them should be names of dead famous people, a couple names from deceased friends (people your family would recognize), but then some more living famous people, and some other random made up names. They'll basically think you're part of some secret society, and every time one of those famous people passes on, they'll think the list is closer to completion, but there will be a couple names that don't actually belong to anyone that remain a mystery for the longest time.
RealRealGood · 843 points · Posted at 01:57:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
In my wallet, I have a business card shaped flash drive. There is only one file on it. A copy of Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby.
My plan is to rent a safety deposit box and will it to my children without ever mentioning it. Inside the box, another flash drive. Again, there will be only one file on it. Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby.
The best part is, they'll be forced to watch both copies of the movie in order to see if the files have been altered in any way to give clues to the location of my real fortune. But my greatest treasure was giving them the gift of watching Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby twice. That movie's awesome.
[deleted] · 55 points · Posted at 04:31:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Zoraxe · 13 points · Posted at 11:37:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 14:30:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I like the Christmas Jesus the most.
DrasticMeat · 8 points · Posted at 12:51:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
HE WAS A MAN HE HAD A BEARD
when_i_die · 4 points · Posted at 12:39:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
In your sweet tiny infant jesus manger.
NotFlameRetardant · 27 points · Posted at 03:37:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
They could just compare the checksums for each movie to verify that they're the same ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
flashbunnny · 60 points · Posted at 04:22:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Have one 1080 and one 720.
SirensToGo · 12 points · Posted at 13:54:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Then they'll forever wonder why their dad was a dirty 720p peasant
sinni800 · 4 points · Posted at 16:06:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A part-time 720p peasant
Also just reencode it into 1080p, it will be completely different anyways.
FlubbyBubbly · 1 points · Posted at 04:11:32 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or you could just edit one bit and have it be still playable.
RJiiFIN · 4 points · Posted at 04:30:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That still doesn't mean they're not altered in the same way.
illyume · 4 points · Posted at 12:12:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Have it be slightly different rips.
Checksum's different. Might be a slight difference in movie length.
Let the family spend years trying to piece together the meaning in this.
i_like_de_autos · 18 points · Posted at 04:51:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Freihl · 7 points · Posted at 13:26:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or if you're feeling particularly malicious, a copy of the sequel
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 14:31:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That got a sequel?!
Freihl · 1 points · Posted at 15:33:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, but it wasn't even lovably bad. It was just fucking shite.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:58:52 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
I read up on it. Definetly a do not watch.
Lose__Not__Loose · 1 points · Posted at 20:44:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't. In warning you now. I felt embarrassed to be watching it and I was alone. You're the first person I've admitted to watching it to.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:01:08 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
I can picture you sat there looking worried you'd be caught, and at the end just saying "I told you guys it was shit..."
iambooty · 8 points · Posted at 02:55:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
you could say the movie is RealRealGood
archer990 · 6 points · Posted at 03:11:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
SHAKE N' BAKE BBY.
insidious65 · 2 points · Posted at 03:05:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
booooo
peteypenguin · 8 points · Posted at 06:27:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I wouldn't even be mad. just stoked that I got to watch Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby two more times.
rg44_at_the_office · 2 points · Posted at 15:52:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Best movie ever made."
Coolmikefromcanada · 2 points · Posted at 06:16:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Three times to compare each one to the other and to a studio version
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:30:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
ANARCHY!! ANARCHY!!!
CokeCanNinja · 1 points · Posted at 16:00:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Make sure that the files are different somehow (slightly edited to change filesize without actually changing the movie, etc.)
Stealthy_Wolf · 1 points · Posted at 17:29:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't forget to pad the video with a hyperlink at the end of the format to a 3rd copy of the video online.
That way the Hash of the file would be different.
p2p_editor · 1 points · Posted at 18:38:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My favorite is how you managed to include the full title of the movie three times in your post...
AfroClam · 400 points · Posted at 01:41:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A diary that has normal stuff in it, but also says things like, "I saw a murder today. It filled me with peace. I hope to bear witness to another one" Dated months later, "another murder today. exciting to watch." Days later, "Planning a murder of my own. Illegal but I find myself being drawn to it. Will be worth it if I don't get caught". Then, "I did it. My very own murder!" Finally, "too good to last. All I have left are the photos. I kept a trophy." folded in the diary is a map with an X on it. Buried in the location is a trophy for whatever you want (karate. bowling. whatever) with your own name written on tape in the front and a photo album containing pictures of you with a flock (murder) of crows surrounded by hearts.
teh_maxh · 101 points · Posted at 06:46:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A murder of crows isn't illegal, though. You'd want to be more vague, "I know some people will disapprove" or something.
Citadel_CRA · 73 points · Posted at 07:25:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's illegal in the United States to keep native song birds as pets.
DutchEndeavor · 13 points · Posted at 13:51:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If crows can be a song bird, I don't know why I ever gave up my dreams to be in a boy band.
mingus-dew · 5 points · Posted at 14:27:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Songbirds simply refers to the order Passeriformes, and it covers around half of bird species, even birds with not-so-pretty songs.
The law also covers many other native species (birds and other creatures included). Some are federally protected by the Migratory Bird Act as well, which is part of an international treaty.
Greenkeeper · 3 points · Posted at 16:35:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What are you a fucking park ranger
Citadel_CRA · 1 points · Posted at 04:28:51 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's everybody's job to know bird law.
AfroClam · 13 points · Posted at 08:01:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
At least in California (where I live), it is illegal to keep crows as pets.
bigmcstrongmuscle · 3 points · Posted at 13:06:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
My 6th-grade science teacher had one in NJ (back in the 90's, anyway), but I think he had to be specially licensed by the Fish and Wildlife department. He worked with a raptor shelter and his pet projects were a trained American Crow named Max and a Great Horned Owl named Kiki. He'd bring them into the classroom a couple times a month if the class was good.
No idea if it was considered a pet or if he'd dodged that with a technicality, though.
mingus-dew · 2 points · Posted at 14:22:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If he was rehabilitating them, and he had the appropriate licenses, I'm sure it was fine.
I might try it someday if I ever stop moving every 2 freakin years.
mtgjr_jeff · 1 points · Posted at 15:26:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm sure it's frowned upon to kill a bunch of crows.
immigrant_punk · 17 points · Posted at 05:55:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Take your upvote and get out, you clever bastard.
raytaylor · 4 points · Posted at 12:06:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This has to be the best one so far
SonnyTheDuck · 1 points · Posted at 11:30:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
....ok then
[deleted] · 570 points · Posted at 19:24:27 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
a gun, a few boxes of ammo with one of them only half full, and a list of random names (first n last) with some of them crossed out.
[deleted] · 782 points · Posted at 19:52:00 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
This sounds like the beginning of a crazy story where the surviving son takes it upon himself to finish his father's work and then finds out from a friend of his father's that it was just an elaborate prank after the last name has been crossed off..
racefan78 · 329 points · Posted at 20:28:35 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
So, an alternate ending to Arrow?
[deleted] · 63 points · Posted at 20:37:20 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Never seen it, but...I guess so?
occasional_villain · 80 points · Posted at 23:11:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, the first part before the elaborate prank bit is essentially the main plot to Arrow.
rg90184 · 16 points · Posted at 23:28:10 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Mainly season 1, then there's an earthquake machine and Captain Jack Harkness is an assassin and things go pretty off the rails when deathstroke shows up in Starling City with super solider serum.
thatwasnotkawaii · 12 points · Posted at 00:45:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"And this is for my father..."
bang
....
bang
dad appears behind garbage can
"SON, IT'S JUST A PRANK!"
rg90184 · 13 points · Posted at 00:53:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
DAD! I Watched you die! how did you escape the island? Why did you leave me there for five years? What the fuck dad!
thatwasnotkawaii · 10 points · Posted at 00:54:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"WHOA DON'T GET MAD, THAT WAS ACTUALLY A TV SHO-"
bang
PJL · 7 points · Posted at 02:32:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That doesn't sound far-fetched for Arrow, sadly. Everybody is dead then comes back at one point or another..
rg90184 · 5 points · Posted at 02:52:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, but Oliver saw his dad shoot himself in the head. I think we can rule that out. Just like how Shadow is dead, and Moyra (and thank fuck for that.)
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 01:51:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Untill deathstroke comes, then the show drops the list part.
iamcatch22 · 1 points · Posted at 09:08:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Deathstroke didn't show up until most of the way through season 2. He dropped the list at the end of season 1, after the Undertaking failed
occasional_villain · 1 points · Posted at 13:34:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well I haven't gotten that far yet. Thanks for the spoilers. ;P
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:45:59 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well deathstroke is Slade Wilson and Slade is shown half way through season 1. I thought it was known, he is a main character.
occasional_villain · 1 points · Posted at 04:59:00 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, I just started it. I'm mostly joking though, the series has been out for quite a while and it's not like you spoiled something huge like a main character death or a giant plot twist.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:12:49 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
Deathstroke dies.
occasional_villain · 1 points · Posted at 19:25:45 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well. Thanks for that.
sp4ce · 2 points · Posted at 02:54:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What if Arrow ends in an elaborate prank?
doctor98614 · 2 points · Posted at 23:10:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
No, season one but skipping to what the hivemind wants for the start of four!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:57:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Xysyx · 1 points · Posted at 14:21:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Watch it anyway, it's a great show.
TheLollrax · 1 points · Posted at 15:39:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Woah, spoilers!
Also yes.
larswo · 1 points · Posted at 16:42:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I knew this was coming. Are there still rumours about a spin off?
GnusAndRoses · 3 points · Posted at 05:22:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
IT'S JUST A PRANK!
asj29 · 1 points · Posted at 06:25:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dude it's a prank! You're on camera!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:54:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What is this?
CoolHandLucifer · 2 points · Posted at 17:47:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wonderful writing prompt.
UndisputedGold · 1 points · Posted at 16:35:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That should be a film
juksayer · -3 points · Posted at 22:44:05 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
So... Dexter?
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 23:06:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
No.
quicksilver4444 · 65 points · Posted at 22:04:18 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Make sure there are as many names as missing bullets, so you seem really professional.
Or less missing bullets than names, 1 shot, 2 kills.
Edit: I mathed wrong.
savemesomeporn · 33 points · Posted at 01:40:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No no. A professional doesn't use a single round. It's 2 in the chest, 1 in the head. Errybody knows that.
DevTrooper · 1 points · Posted at 15:07:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Actually, you take it one shot at a time, chest, if they don't stop, once more, if they are still a threat, go for the head
savemesomeporn · 2 points · Posted at 16:34:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just because they stop moving doesn't mean they're dead though. I'd rather put two near/in the heart and then see brain matter, just to be sure.
sadmadmen · 1 points · Posted at 16:29:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
RPG ammo?
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 00:08:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Then you make a big X to cross two names at once. Subtle detail there.
craze4ble · 2 points · Posted at 11:20:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You could also write a name on each bullet.
Dougie555 · 1 points · Posted at 09:57:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or you could tape a casing next to each name that's crossed out.
SpastixFantastix · 7 points · Posted at 23:24:17 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun, a picture of JFK, and a map to the grassy knoll.
lirio2u · 2 points · Posted at 01:44:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Extra points when your son or daughter has to continue your life's work.
poobicus · 1 points · Posted at 09:17:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
don't forget the lipstick
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:59:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The crossed out names should be people that the family knew of that had died before they see this..
[deleted] · 1468 points · Posted at 21:29:18 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Myself.
I'll cut a door-sized hole in the basement of my house and excavate a little sub-basement, with a connection to the water and sewer service. I'd love for it to have electricity as well, but it would be wise to ensure that I have some alternative light source, such as wind-up LED lights. Maybe even an excersize bike with a generator and a huge battery.
There will be enough food and water to last a year, and I'll ventilate it with a pipe connected to the chimney of the house's furnace.
It'll be a little bachelor suite with everything I need to survive for a year.
Then I'll go inside and become a missing person.
I will have left behind a will, saying that I leave to my family the entire contents of the safe. It will have the combination mentioned in the will.
When they open the safe to find out what I've left behind for them, they will find me, still alive and well.
taranasus · 1437 points · Posted at 22:40:09 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And if I were your wife, you’d actually be dead within the next five minutes, covered in what’s left of your year supply of food for pulling a stunt like that one and traumatising me with the thought of your death you selfish asshole
i love you
_PM_me_a_PM_ · 585 points · Posted at 22:56:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Shut up baby I know it
Edit: forgot about one of Pixar's greatest movies, "up."
BurningPickle · 87 points · Posted at 00:38:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Please don't shut the baby.
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 03:52:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )
aesu · 6 points · Posted at 06:36:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Open the baby.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:55:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Open baby!
Yotarian · 9 points · Posted at 00:30:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You accidentally a word
kalas_malarious · 146 points · Posted at 23:42:09 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Best part, he is already presumed dead. If you took care of the body, no one is looking for him.
RoccoMac · 127 points · Posted at 23:56:27 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
His wife falls in love with his best friend who was there to console her after his presumed death, only to find out her husband is alive.
nate800 · 18 points · Posted at 01:48:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And because he's right in the house, he gets to hear his best friend ream out his wife every night!
joos1986 · 5 points · Posted at 05:30:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
the long con
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 03:27:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
RoccoMac · 3 points · Posted at 03:44:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Absolutely. I'm not pumped for the new season or anything, I swear.
Ironwarsmith · 3 points · Posted at 03:35:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
CORAL!
IslamicCaterpillar · 7 points · Posted at 23:57:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Movie time.
MasterTacticianAlba · 32 points · Posted at 00:36:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's literally the start of The Walking Dead
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 02:59:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And Homeland.
somethingmore21 · 2 points · Posted at 02:16:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pearl Harbor?
g0ldenb0y · 3 points · Posted at 05:04:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
PREVIOUSLY ON AMC'S THE WALKING DEAD
TheMightyFloorp · 2 points · Posted at 21:21:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'M A BETTER MAN THAN YOU, RICK
ZeBaconGirl · 1 points · Posted at 04:33:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So walking dead???
BanditTom · 1 points · Posted at 06:25:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Lori?
Radvila · 1 points · Posted at 14:05:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He had to go.
germanyjr112 · 65 points · Posted at 22:58:48 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pretty sure this is the most accurate response to any of the ideas I've read here.
wmurray003 · 3 points · Posted at 05:05:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Muah!
Dirty_Unicorn · 2 points · Posted at 01:10:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's a prank..! It's a prank..! Baby... What are you doing... Put the knife down.....
SillyPickle · 2 points · Posted at 03:15:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
*year supply of shit
NotTerrorist · 2 points · Posted at 05:23:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Naa, just close the door back up and walk away. The problem will solve itself in about a year.
DrealLegend · 2 points · Posted at 13:50:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's just a prank, Bro!
MonsieurLeMeow · 1 points · Posted at 14:12:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Except not wife anymore because she remarried.
Trekie117 · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Tsundere service...
JohnProof · 178 points · Posted at 00:56:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You would be drawing your breathing air from the same place your furnace vents carbon-monoxide?
This idea might not end quite the way you envision....
departing_departed · 19 points · Posted at 09:33:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Finding his dead body with the time of death days after his funeral would be the ultimate plot twist
Kazitron · 19 points · Posted at 13:12:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
They thought he was dead. But he was dead all along...
brendanepic · 2 points · Posted at 16:24:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rob Schnider is about to find out that being dead... isn't actually fun
Rob Schnider in Coffin Jockey!
Alan_Smithee_ · 4 points · Posted at 05:05:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I had to read it twice, but I assumed that was the exhaust air.
DarkLordKindle · 1 points · Posted at 16:20:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Who uses their chimney
hollywood4189 · 12 points · Posted at 04:11:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just imagine waking up one morning about 6 months in and forgetting your elaborate plan and just walking out and to the kitchen to get some of the cereal you liked but forgot to stock up on. Your family is just sitting there with their jaws hanging loose, not knowing what to say or do.
the4ndy · 5 points · Posted at 02:45:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This would be really bad because once you "die" on paper, if you aren't really dead, you will have a bad time. Watch the Defcon 23 talk by Chris Rock (not the comedian) called "I Will Kill You"
thehangoverer · 3 points · Posted at 02:30:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dammit, I wanted gold.
Guerillagreasemonkey · 3 points · Posted at 11:03:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Funny until you realize there's a chance while your in the safe your wife starts banging your best friend and one of your kids starts drinking to cope and gets killed in a horrible drink driving accident that killed Ryan Reynolds.
atomicthumbs · 2 points · Posted at 07:34:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
and die of CO poisoning come winter. A beautiful plan
TUR7L3 · 2 points · Posted at 07:47:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You should also install hidden cctv cameras and have them fed to tvs in the safe.
Then when everyone is out of the house, go fuck with shit.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:34:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's brilliant!
lIlIIlIlIIlIlIIlIlII · 2 points · Posted at 03:55:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hey check your PMs
Autpek · 1518 points · Posted at 23:37:28 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake mustache with a note saying "You found my secret stashe"
mustbemichael · 195 points · Posted at 23:58:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I "mustache" you not to tell anyone about it.
PM_Me_Randomly · 39 points · Posted at 03:08:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I was shaving it for later.
1man_factory · 0 points · Posted at 05:25:13 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
You all are going straight to hell
nick_locarno · 21 points · Posted at 02:18:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I can't handle that pun. Who pronounces mustache as "must ask?" It drives me crazy every time I see it. (Secret stache, now that deserves an upvote)
cdc194 · 15 points · Posted at 02:56:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is fanstashtic!
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 03:14:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's the other way around: "Must ask" is pronounced "mustashe" by some people. Kind of like how some people say "must axe"
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 12:47:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
These puns are unbeardable.
Kittimm · 2 points · Posted at 04:38:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The fact that it's such a reach is what makes it good. Like the father has gone through all this trouble but has settled on a truly horrible pun. Like he gave up interest halfway through setting it up.
Wirehed · 2 points · Posted at 17:38:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sean Connery drunk?
HiddenA · 1 points · Posted at 16:01:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sean Connery.
GunPoison · 3 points · Posted at 03:52:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh comb on that's just corny
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 04:45:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Shave the puns for later
iBrave · 4 points · Posted at 03:25:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I see you've been in a hot topic at some point.
BLINDrOBOTFILMS · 21 points · Posted at 04:12:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The last dad joke.
ForgottenVoid · 8 points · Posted at 05:33:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
my eyes rolled so hard that they unscrewed from my sockets and fell to the ground
GrahamHosken · 6 points · Posted at 07:12:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
ultimate dad joke
ryankrameretc · 3 points · Posted at 17:42:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Glad to see my meme thriving
TheBloodyCleric · 1 points · Posted at 13:47:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Take your upvote and get out.
frictionqt · 2 points · Posted at 05:56:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
your dad salutes you in heaven
[deleted] · 304 points · Posted at 20:58:05 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[removed]
TheLawandOrder · 87 points · Posted at 22:15:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
For bonus points, make the tapes contain images like on the ring tape.
Vannvalentine · 45 points · Posted at 08:14:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Look man fuck with them didn't mean give them nightmares
UndisputedGold · 2 points · Posted at 16:37:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
ring tape?
TheLawandOrder · 2 points · Posted at 17:54:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's a reference to a horror movie called the Ring that featured a video tape with demonic like images on it and then you'd die in 7 days when a demon girl crawls out the TV.
UndisputedGold · 2 points · Posted at 18:24:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I've seen that. Thought it was gone out of my memory but now it's back. back to /r/nosleep
stripperpastor · 1 points · Posted at 12:50:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or like Sinister
dmilin · 6 points · Posted at 07:13:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Does that username ever work out for you?
[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 07:23:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[removed]
dmilin · 6 points · Posted at 07:26:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ah. 16 day old account I see. Well, if it works, I would greatly appreciate you taking the time to let me know. I'll be making a new account shortly after.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 07:27:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[removed]
dmilin · 2 points · Posted at 07:30:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Haha. Well I'm off to make a new account then. And good luck to you sir ಠ_ಠ
aggressivePizza_lol · 2 points · Posted at 12:40:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Someone explain this joke to me
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:07:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If you do this, you should also invent a family member and add them too.. Date the tapes and stop them abruptly at a random date.
Dubanx · 1 points · Posted at 16:20:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
No, better yet make them old <1GB hard drives with 128 bit RSA encryption. This way they can never confirm that they're fake.
just_a_thought4U · 379 points · Posted at 22:02:31 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A letter of deepest apology for something the letter doesn't explain.
GimpedNinja · 201 points · Posted at 01:00:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"I am deeply sorry for that thing I did that ruined your life forever. My heart is full of regret. I only hope you can understand that I did not want to do it, but had no other choice. I know the hurt will never go away, and I know you will never forgive me, but I just hope one day you can understand why I did what I did."
[deleted] · 39 points · Posted at 06:12:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The apology is for writing the letter of apology.
francis2559 · 3 points · Posted at 15:20:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You'd appreciate this, then.
--cheese-- · 3 points · Posted at 16:08:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My favourite word from The Meaning of Liff:
Metaphorazine · 6 points · Posted at 12:05:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
You are choosing a dvd for tonight
mdk_777 · 3 points · Posted at 02:22:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hint that it's for an assassination/suicide or something that you decided to never go through with.
BagelGlory · 2 points · Posted at 02:17:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I just wish I could've made him understand.... I was totally ok with testing the milk.
Unexpected_Snake · 593 points · Posted at 19:22:11 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
The combination to the safe
[deleted] · 456 points · Posted at 22:54:18 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
xXD347HXx · 216 points · Posted at 01:07:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
To be fair, it did say to keep it somewhere safe.
Hypothesis_Null · 5 points · Posted at 05:34:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And somewhere secret.
bambooshoot · 2 points · Posted at 16:35:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
the joke: this guy got it
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 18:42:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Flashbacks to spiderman on PS1
EYEheartDOUG · 10 points · Posted at 03:57:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The spelling combination to my safe spells dirtyjew
Idk why, but that's it.
SirensToGo · 2 points · Posted at 13:52:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What's your address
EYEheartDOUG · 1 points · Posted at 14:51:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
1411 N Dayton Ave
[deleted] · -2 points · Posted at 08:05:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You were a teen... And you did this.
BloodyLlama · 4 points · Posted at 11:53:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, that's what I said.
[deleted] · 127 points · Posted at 19:35:25 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Screw_The_Illuminati · 63 points · Posted at 21:08:11 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hey guys I found this safe and the obvious most logical answer is to try and open it, buuuut, what should I do?
thekyshu · 2 points · Posted at 14:00:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A second safe with a QR code that when scanned posts a replica of the safe thread to Reddit! Replace the image with the actual safe of course.
shannonflyguy · 6 points · Posted at 02:19:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My father in law did exactly this. Upon his passing, after using an air grinder and pry bars for hours, I had to laugh when the only thing in his wall safe was the combo to the safe I just destroyed.
Virus64 · 4 points · Posted at 03:54:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nah, the combination to a safe, and coordinates to a place where you travelled a long time ago.
seven_seven · 2 points · Posted at 02:50:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Woah....I gotta sit down
mytwin_ · 2161 points · Posted at 20:54:31 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Well, I would leave them a key and a note detailing where to find the box to which the key opens. After a long and toilsome journey and the death of a few of my family members, they would find the box. When the key would unlock the box, you would be able to see what I have been coveting all these years, a string. They would decipher the meaning of the string, maybe possible nihilism or maybe a reminder of how one man's trash is another man's treasure.
Only my true love would be able to view past the guise of those lies and pull the string, thereby revealing the pictures of SpongeBob at the Christmas party.
Edit: Leave it to fucking reddit to make a comment about a spongebob reference my second most upvoted post
[deleted] · 367 points · Posted at 20:56:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or just another key to another box with another key to another box with...
mytwin_ · 290 points · Posted at 21:00:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A box of food with in the shape of an E and a question mark along with a balloon heart.
A Meal E Uh? Air Heart
Kaneshadow · 383 points · Posted at 00:40:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Does your shoulder hurt from that reach?
SirensToGo · 2 points · Posted at 13:47:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He's just stretching
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 21:34:43 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Haha!
kyle_loves_kittehs · 3 points · Posted at 03:21:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Went out on a limb for that one.
BagelGlory · 6 points · Posted at 02:06:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Take your upvote and get the fuck out of here 😀
PM_ME_ROBOT_PR0N · 2 points · Posted at 23:28:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
God Dammit!!!!
FishinWizard · 2 points · Posted at 03:25:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Stephen Pastis!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:02:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/z5zgxZtF9W8?t=28s
hockeyandlegos · 2 points · Posted at 06:12:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wow
Dparker818 · 2 points · Posted at 06:14:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't wanna pull a muscle with all that stretching
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 00:16:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"What did he say to us, Patrick? "
"He called us mediocre."
"That's it! We have to make the customer feel special!"
SueKam · 6 points · Posted at 23:22:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
They might eventually have to steal the declaration of independence.
rezwrrd · 6 points · Posted at 05:39:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And then I'll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!
RSP16 · 3 points · Posted at 02:45:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A real-life single-linked-list where the end is all that matters. Someone that teaches beginning computer science should steal this anecdote to explain why we have so many different kinds of data structures in programming.
Hypothesis_Null · 3 points · Posted at 05:31:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And that will lead to another box - and that will lead to another box!
There is. No. Treasure.
You wasted years of your life. And now you've destroyed theirs.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 09:52:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Let the good times roll.
JoeM104604 · 3 points · Posted at 06:34:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or how about a box without a key which the family will have to break open, only to find a note telling where the key to the box is hidden.
HalfMoonSky · 2 points · Posted at 05:06:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"And put that box inside itself and mail it to myself and AH HAHA I'LL SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!!!!"
BrenzyEx · 2 points · Posted at 12:54:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A KEY TO THE CUMBOX
bdog899 · 77 points · Posted at 23:00:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Little did they know that if they pulled the string it would reveal an embarrassing photo of you from the Christmas party
HighAndLow1 · 28 points · Posted at 01:22:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Did you read the end of his post?
SickeninglyNice · 6 points · Posted at 00:25:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That string is item #254 of 538. Follow it and you, too, will live in a pineapple under the sea.
Tuba4life1000 · 6 points · Posted at 02:37:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or it'd be a CUMBOX
Zardif · 3 points · Posted at 01:38:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Give them a long drawn out clue chain 20 boxes long that takes them literally all over the country state etc. On the last box put a note saying "here is where my treasure lies the only thing I coveted in this world" and lead them to your wife's plot marker.
BagelGlory · 3 points · Posted at 02:04:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Um.... I have a twin. Now, though, I'm thinking there was a third, and I just found them.
poneil · 3 points · Posted at 03:51:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No it's not. It's your tail.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:45:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
LMAO. Good one.
Gifididy · 2 points · Posted at 06:49:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why not dick butt?
_CattleRustler_ · 2 points · Posted at 13:48:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I really wanted it to be a potato with the word "cocksucker" written on it.
nickcantwaite · 2 points · Posted at 16:18:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
God dammit lol
brilliantlyInsane · 2 points · Posted at 02:40:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or skip the Spongebob reference and put a picture of dickbutt in the box.
Anshin · 1 points · Posted at 07:27:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The inner machinations of your mind are an enigma
Mage_of_Shadows · 1 points · Posted at 11:11:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or place a CD or mp3 player with the only song being 'Never going to give you up'
thekaseyjones · 1 points · Posted at 13:56:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A SECRET STRING!!
CafeNino · 1 points · Posted at 16:55:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
MERRY CHRISTMAS SPONGEBOB!!!
[deleted] · 404 points · Posted at 19:57:35 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
313411 · 156 points · Posted at 21:24:57 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why not just put your dick in it and leave the hole like that?
postingaccount243 · 318 points · Posted at 01:10:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Hey mom! Someone put a toothpick in this vaseline! That's strange.
Edit: So apparently reddit likes reused jokes. I mean, come on, not the first time someone's said /u/313411's dick was small. Get over it.
dragonup56 · 73 points · Posted at 01:23:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rekt
ZenitramNaes · 3 points · Posted at 06:01:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
REICHT
MrAirRaider · 2 points · Posted at 02:36:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why yuo do dis
postingaccount243 · 3 points · Posted at 02:41:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
For that sweet, sweet karma.
imrickastley · 2 points · Posted at 03:26:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
EREKT
landsharkgun · 2 points · Posted at 04:37:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_burn_centers_in_the_United_States
Fog_Terminator · 1 points · Posted at 06:12:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's weird that you're saying get over your own joke.... Why did you say it in the first place if it's dumb??
abruce123412 · 0 points · Posted at 01:49:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"he must have put the toothpick in his mouth, theres some liquid at the bottom"
Tufflaw · 2 points · Posted at 06:30:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You mean like Charlie's grandpa? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rB-5ul-yG8
neverfarts · 252 points · Posted at 20:07:05 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single 5.25 floppy
bc2zb · 172 points · Posted at 21:30:54 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Can you fit a zip bomb on a 5.25 floppy?
solomondg · 120 points · Posted at 21:42:46 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Easily.
blightedfire · 109 points · Posted at 22:15:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think a zipbomb can be made as small as 47 bits. That's right, not 48, 47..
willeaton · 45 points · Posted at 22:29:16 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Agent 47?
blightedfire · 51 points · Posted at 22:34:07 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
lol, no. I just read an article a while back. guy figured out how to create a zip file of some tiny odd size that would trick the unzipping program into saying the file contains itself. It was a really odd size, like 47 bits.
Anthrakia · 12 points · Posted at 03:21:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's called 42.zip, and it can be found online. It's 42 kb of compressed nested zip files that, when decompressed, add up to multiple petabytes of data. It makes some antivirus software asplode.
blightedfire · 3 points · Posted at 03:23:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's the one. it's 42.zip all the way down. and it's not just petabytes, it's essentially infinite.
Koooooj · 12 points · Posted at 04:06:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
42.zip is not essentially infinite. It is "just" ~4.5 PB (4 PiB) and is quite finite.
At the top level is 16 additional zip archives. Each of those contains a further 16 zip archives, and so on, for 5 levels. At the bottom is a ~4 GiB file.
When you unzip it you get 165 copies of that file. You could make a similar one that has an extra layer for 166 copies of the file, or even more layers, but you can't make it infinite.
rainbowpony5 · 6 points · Posted at 04:59:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It is actually possible to create a zip file that contains itself. See here.
blightedfire · 1 points · Posted at 22:37:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hmm. for all practical purposes, a 167 version might as well be infinite. I can't think of a lot of organizations where 4.5PiB is a realistic amount of storage, either. It'll still crash local storage and memory..
PATXS · 8 points · Posted at 04:16:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think you're thinking of 42.zip.
42kb.
Edit: noticed you're saying bits, not kilobytes.
blightedfire · 1 points · Posted at 22:06:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I was indeed thinking of 42.zip. Still trying to figure out why 47 bits was important..
willeaton · 8 points · Posted at 22:35:14 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I saw the same one! I was just messing around with that.
blightedfire · 4 points · Posted at 22:48:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
heh. oh. :D
Megatron_McLargeHuge · 2 points · Posted at 17:35:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Odd numbers of bits don't make sense. You can never address less than a byte at a time.
blightedfire · 1 points · Posted at 22:02:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I never said it made sense. I fully admit I only barely caught the gist of the article, but it used some odd malformed bit of quasicode of a weird length to commit the trickery. Also, I've since been informed it's actually 42kb, not 47 bits. not sure why I thought 47 bits was important.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:26:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
"Names are for friends, so I don't need one."
Edit: parent comment has 47 upvotes...
Iggyhopper · 5 points · Posted at 23:51:25 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
can you zip a zip bomb?
blightedfire · 8 points · Posted at 01:01:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
yeah, zipping it's fine. it's the unzipping that's the problem :D
boyferret · 9 points · Posted at 01:01:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's what she said.
blightedfire · 3 points · Posted at 02:49:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I did indeed. >:D
boyferret · 8 points · Posted at 03:06:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh shit it's a girl, scatter!
blightedfire · 5 points · Posted at 03:23:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
chases
boyferret · 6 points · Posted at 05:13:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Engage panic running mode!
blightedfire · 2 points · Posted at 22:06:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
howls and chases faster!
boyferret · 2 points · Posted at 23:24:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dives through underbrush, then remaining perfectly still. Perhaps they are attracted to motion.
blightedfire · 2 points · Posted at 02:30:10 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
crashes through underbrush at speed, tramples a ferret, keeps going, comes screeching to a halt
Heeeey, waitaminute..
boyferret · 2 points · Posted at 12:53:48 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Luckly ferrets are nature's slinkies, able to take a lot of punishment. Ferret prepares a sprurise attack! Crouching low and then leaping at the unexpecting blightedfire.
blightedfire · 2 points · Posted at 21:36:55 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
ACK!!
Blightedfire uses Cute Asian Girlfriend! A Vixen pops up, stares, laughs and wanders off to make dinner. Blightedfire is confused...
boyferret · 1 points · Posted at 13:23:48 on September 18, 2015 · (Permalink)
Boyferret wonders back from getting really really distracted from not taking ADD pills, and wonders what got him of track in the first place.
eikons · 2 points · Posted at 11:47:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Uhh, I don't think 47 bits are enough to even store the file name. Firstly you're talking about bytes. Secondly you're talking about thousands of them, not tens.
You must be thinking of this 42Kb zip bomb.
blightedfire · 1 points · Posted at 22:04:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
fun fact: on most drive access systems, the filename's stored in the boot record, not the file itself. But yeah, it was 42.zip I was thinking of. Still trying to figger where 47 bits came from.
eikons · 2 points · Posted at 22:48:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wanna see some really fascinating compression magic?
Here's a gameplay video of a game compressed into 96KB. It contains all sound, textures, gameplay code and animations in just a fraction of what a single texture normally takes.
Everything is stored as algorithms, rather than data. When you start the game, your PC has to "build" it. It takes like 3-400MB in memory once it's all loaded.
It doesn't cheat in any way - you can actually put it on a 5.25" floppy(three times), put it into a PC that's not connected to the internet and play the game.
blightedfire · 1 points · Posted at 23:07:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I am coloured all sorts of impressed. I wonder how old the system has to be to play it..
rechecks link 2009. Huh. that should be very interesting indeed..
eikons · 2 points · Posted at 23:36:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think it was made in 2006, which was all the more impressive because it contains shader technology similar to Doom 3 which was cutting edge at the time. It has bumpmapping, stencil shadows, realtime lighting, etc. It's a technological marvel.
Not really practical for modern day games because the textures have to be made in a very meticulous method, with somewhat limited freedom. And the 3D models are all just boxes, spheres and cylinders with different transforms (position, rotation, scale).
Still. 96kb is insane. They won a couple of awards for pulling it off, and it pretty much ended the game demo scene (challenge to make super small games). There's not a whole lot more to be accomplished there.
ConstipatedNinja · 7 points · Posted at 01:54:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One amusing zip is droste.zip, a quine zip. The action of unzipping it produces the same zip file.
existential_emu · 2 points · Posted at 22:31:41 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Easily
fuckshitstackkk · 0 points · Posted at 01:15:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
you can fit a zit bomb on my 5.25" floppy ;)
caseycoold · 25 points · Posted at 20:47:56 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
With a very encrypted file.
PanthraxIV · 59 points · Posted at 21:23:53 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's really just an awkward ass selfie that you took of yourself for this occasion.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 01:21:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
SirensToGo · 1 points · Posted at 14:01:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He was smiling 😃
Peewee223 · 4 points · Posted at 02:51:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
.. which steganographically hides the text "Man, I'm pretty".
dekket · 23 points · Posted at 21:54:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Unless you plan on dying soon, most people will have no fucking clue what to do with it.
JackFlynt · 18 points · Posted at 00:13:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Why did grandpa have a 3D printed save icon?"
brickmack · 31 points · Posted at 22:32:11 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Doesn't matter anyway, the data probably wouldn't be readable. 5.25" floppies haven't been made in a very long time (even 3.5" stopped being manufactured a few years ago unfortunately) and they degrade over time.
In like 15 years I'm planning on starting up production of them again, along with drives for them (floppies really aren't all that difficult to manufacture compared to more modern media) once hipsters/companies using legacy hardware build up enough demand to justify the start up cost
knoxtroll · 16 points · Posted at 23:37:43 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Plus your mp3's sound way better.
charlesmarker · 8 points · Posted at 02:12:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 00:00:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nah man, nothing sounds better than on HitClips.
tommysmuffins · 3 points · Posted at 00:37:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Vintage!
nx_2000 · 5 points · Posted at 22:30:18 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Image recognition search is already a thing. They'll figure it out.
NG96 · 5 points · Posted at 01:20:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What if you're a grower?
BagelGlory · 3 points · Posted at 02:10:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Contains the Oregon Trail
alwayslurkeduntilnow · 458 points · Posted at 19:50:41 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake sports almanac for 2030 (or any future date).
Aborawatabinov · 73 points · Posted at 22:35:15 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
But what if you're not rich
pezpants · 105 points · Posted at 23:30:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
If it was for a date after he died he would have never been able to use it.
Corak76 · 1 points · Posted at 23:29:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If you're not rich, then make like a tree and get out of here.
javellin · 3 points · Posted at 02:05:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
As long as it's Gray's
Buddwyer50 · 5 points · Posted at 03:06:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Okay, Biff Tannon.
nate800 · 2 points · Posted at 01:51:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ooohhh that's evil, I like it
godless_prayer · 2 points · Posted at 11:28:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The cover of a sports almanac with a copy of "Oh La La" in it
Thrannn · 1 points · Posted at 13:07:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
thats great
air_asian · 1 points · Posted at 13:38:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Compile that fake sports almanac from movies.
-rabid- · 166 points · Posted at 20:07:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single rubber duck.
hitbyacar1 · 70 points · Posted at 00:04:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
/u/fuckswithducks
pennradio · 4 points · Posted at 14:19:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Do you do this too? Every time I see somebody mention a duck on Reddit, I try to summon /u/fuckswithducks too. My phone tries to autocorrect "fucks" with "fuckswithducks."
horselips48 · 1 points · Posted at 09:09:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He didn't say the duck was semen stained.
[deleted] · 55 points · Posted at 21:29:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
So, a little rubber duck guy that broke up with his girlfriend?
artvandal7 · 2 points · Posted at 05:31:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why did he do it?
Cause she a hoe.
Nope__Nope__Nope · 1 points · Posted at 23:49:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
deleted What is this?
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 00:47:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Aww :(
misternumberone · 0 points · Posted at 04:37:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or a forever alone little rubber suck guy.
wakimaniac · 6 points · Posted at 00:33:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
BONUS DUCKS.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 02:39:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You're not /u/fuckswithducks
Ironwarsmith · 3 points · Posted at 03:41:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Paging /u/fuckswithducks
jwaldo · 3 points · Posted at 01:36:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's some vintage meta right there, that is...
SonnyTheDuck · 3 points · Posted at 11:31:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I had to check the username because I thought it was /u/fuckswithducks
SassbotFTW · 162 points · Posted at 22:04:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Newspaper clippings about an unsolved murder, along with a lock of hair in the victim's hair color. I mean, obviously, right?
beardedandkinky · 4 points · Posted at 11:51:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Matching a hair color? That sounds pretty tough, wouldn't it just be easier to kill someone and put their hair in the safe? Add to the mystery and what not
bloodyhaze · 2 points · Posted at 11:13:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So you get convicted of a murder you didnt do thus ending a serch for a real murderer.
Zengura · 3 points · Posted at 11:20:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Make it to an unsolved muder long past? Bonus if its when you were rather young.
beardedandkinky · 1 points · Posted at 11:52:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Only if your fam snitches
deathwalker69 · 275 points · Posted at 22:30:46 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I just realized there are naked pictures of me on a USB drive in my safe.... I should probably deal with that one day..
BagelGlory · 144 points · Posted at 02:26:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
By 'deal with it', I hope you mean put photos of notoriously violent monarchs over your naughty bits.
StagnantFlux · 2 points · Posted at 14:06:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Elizibeth Bathory covering up your junk. Sounds good to me.
BagelGlory · 3 points · Posted at 14:29:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Genghis cock Adolf titler
stopbeingsocow · 15 points · Posted at 02:59:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
can I see them
ladycygna · 6 points · Posted at 03:01:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Recommendation: Truecrypt (yes, I know it's not NSA-proof, but we are talking about uncle Fred here). If done correctly the drive would appear as corrupt and would ask you to format it on connection. Only if you decrypt it with truecrypt can see the content, and for extra security: use a keyfile instead of a password (but then you should be careful to always have a copy of the file you used somewhere).
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 03:57:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If uncle Fred was smart, he'd go to an airport, yell "Allahu Ackbar" with the drive on one of his pockets, and let NSA do the job for him.
half_a_pony · 3 points · Posted at 10:35:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why isn't it NSA-proof? There was a croudfounded security audit done by a third party before Truecrypt was abandoned by developers. They didn't find any serious security issues.
ladycygna · 3 points · Posted at 12:42:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't know the details but I read the developers abandoned it with a cryptic message that lots of people interpreted as "the NSA can break into this".
half_a_pony · 5 points · Posted at 12:54:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
As far as I know, this was more like “we are forced to say this”. Because their recommendation to use bitlocker instead (proprietary solution by Microsoft) is just a joke.
brilliantlyInsane · 5 points · Posted at 02:46:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, by leaving it for your family.
draekia · 3 points · Posted at 06:34:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why do you have them there? Just in case you some day want to sell your younger body's images?
dinklebergs_revenge · 486 points · Posted at 23:01:38 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Easy. A copy of pokemon green and a gameboy.
Twist: every box is full, and every pokemon is a level 13 magikarp. Each one has a random series of numbers and letters as a name.
Twisty twist: the names, when read in order per their in-box order, give coordinates and box numbers for safe deposit boxes. The letters are included as part of VINs for the vehicles to which the keys contained in the safe deposit boxes belong.
Even twister twist: inside the glove boxes of these cars are contained notes, leaving each person participating in the search a $13 gift card to blockbuster.
Or a stack of AOL online subscription cds.
Magikarp_13 · 340 points · Posted at 03:27:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My name feels relevant here.
Yogomojo · 7 points · Posted at 06:26:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm jealous, my name is never relevant
Medical_Science · 9 points · Posted at 10:13:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
When I made this username, I expected it to be super relevant. Nope...
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 11:06:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Same here. Nobody talks about that asshole Shrek. I like to piss on Shrek. He's like a retarded cousin.
TrogdorDasBurninator · 2 points · Posted at 20:14:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
tell me about it!
dinklebergs_revenge · 1 points · Posted at 18:45:23 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm always relevant.
Fred_Fred · 5 points · Posted at 08:09:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How is your name relevant to a stack of AOL online subscription cds?
Magikarp_13 · 8 points · Posted at 08:14:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
AOL had a deal with nintendo where subscribing to them woul allow you to download a level 13 magikarp called AOL.
Fred_Fred · 1 points · Posted at 08:18:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Damn, why didn't I know that? I needed that damn Magikarp in my younger days!
CyclingRoad · 1 points · Posted at 11:20:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
776 days, he fucking checks out guys...
[deleted] · 97 points · Posted at 01:39:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Found the antichrist ^
uniquepurecombat · 9 points · Posted at 02:31:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah, "AOL online" is almost as bad as "ATM machine."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:21:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Keltin · 2 points · Posted at 04:58:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
ATM is Automated Teller Machine.
dinklebergs_revenge · 1 points · Posted at 18:46:47 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Didn't they release AOL online discs?
Beaniebasher · 2 points · Posted at 05:40:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 02:05:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Saved to google docs. Going to actually do this when I die with my Pokemon game.
Morlok8k · 3 points · Posted at 03:40:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's not a good plan. The battery in the cartridge only lasts 10-15 years or so, so bye bye save game.
draykow · 3 points · Posted at 15:35:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My Pokemon gold lasted 5 years, no more.
Nailclippers · 1 points · Posted at 14:25:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just put a new one in and hack the save!
draykow · 2 points · Posted at 15:36:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What he's implying is that OP needs to do this within a few years of his death or it won't work.
Nailclippers · 1 points · Posted at 15:37:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
C-couldn't you arm the safe with a power rig and some big lead-acid batteries to power the game in like a little altar inside the safe?
Jacen47 · 1 points · Posted at 16:55:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or do it with a crappy Android phone you get from Walgreens for $20 with nothing but a GameBoy emulator on it.
littleblueplanet · 3 points · Posted at 09:00:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dinkleberrrg...
BagelGlory · 2 points · Posted at 02:20:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Found the evil genius.
dinklebergs_revenge · 1 points · Posted at 18:46:07 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Evil? Yes. Genius? ...maybe.
Thechris53 · 2 points · Posted at 03:23:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Calm down there Shyamalan
sillybammy · 2 points · Posted at 04:15:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You might be a dick
dinklebergs_revenge · 1 points · Posted at 18:44:33 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Might?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:20:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So they get a useless gift card, and a car? That doesn't seem that bad.
Analyidiot · 1 points · Posted at 18:08:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
M. Night Shyamalan, you make shitty twists when you're drunk, go home.
dinklebergs_revenge · 1 points · Posted at 18:43:47 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
I AM NOT DR-
Yes, yes, that is all. Alcohol.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 04:28:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
America Online... online?
dinklebergs_revenge · 1 points · Posted at 18:44:20 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hidden plot twist.
randomdud3 · 1042 points · Posted at 19:48:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
My mixtape
mk2vrdrvr · 1343 points · Posted at 20:57:36 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Make sure the safe is fire proof.
the-hourglass-man · 527 points · Posted at 21:36:02 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
They said the safe was for their mixtape, not mine.
Wee_littlegaffer · 200 points · Posted at 21:52:51 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH
black_fire · 124 points · Posted at 22:11:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
got eem!
erddad890765 · 3 points · Posted at 23:20:08 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
GET EEM! GET EEM!
thatwasnotkawaii · 4 points · Posted at 00:42:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
G-G-G GATEEM BREAKER
deez nuts
DrQuaid · -1 points · Posted at 06:12:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ayy
Norwegosaurus · 8 points · Posted at 23:01:21 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Supah hot fiyaaa
PlatnumxStatuS · 6 points · Posted at 23:26:33 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
But he's not a rapper.
thumpas · 6 points · Posted at 01:22:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
PSYCH! THATS THE WRONG NUMBER!!
hugecrybaby · 7 points · Posted at 01:02:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/YgrxgGY
MrAnder5on · 2 points · Posted at 03:28:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But I'm not a rapper.
j0hn1313 · 1 points · Posted at 05:41:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
SHOTS FIRED
heyitsBabble · 1 points · Posted at 10:06:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The mix tape mix up part 3
thegrim450 · 9 points · Posted at 21:55:03 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
*waterproof
SirensToGo · 1 points · Posted at 13:50:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Because of all my followers on soundcloud salivating for my mix tape drop?
thegrim450 · 1 points · Posted at 22:54:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hope you got febreeze cause yo mixtape is shit
averagescottishgirl · 2 points · Posted at 02:32:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just make sure not to put a Krusty doll in there too.
LukrezZerg · 1 points · Posted at 08:43:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Because he is on fire?
black_fire · 151 points · Posted at 20:57:48 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
"For the fam"
dadygee · 56 points · Posted at 22:38:43 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
90 min of https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
__LordNibbler__ · 2 points · Posted at 23:29:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's a long-ass mixtape
Birdyer · 2 points · Posted at 02:07:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would have the phrase "never gonna give never gonna give-" reapeted for the full 90 minutes until it slowly shifts into a lower pitch, demonic voice, ending with his regular voice saying "give you up"
dan0314 · 1 points · Posted at 07:07:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rick's face in the thumbnail is like "Really? You're falling for this again?"
rreichel3 · 5 points · Posted at 03:39:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
WildTurkey81 · 2 points · Posted at 22:25:36 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Watcha say, watcha say.
DjLapX · 1 points · Posted at 13:00:56 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hey bro, check out my soundcloud!!!
misterlargebeer · 432 points · Posted at 19:28:02 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
an extravagantly complicated map taking them to the four corners of the globe for a fortune that may or may not exist.
passwurhd · 588 points · Posted at 20:37:51 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I may be wrong but I believe the spherical earth has no corners.
black_fire · 326 points · Posted at 20:56:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't be ridiculous
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:54:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But I'm so good at it!
dontcallitthat · 200 points · Posted at 21:48:20 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
You are correct, but they were referring to the rectangular earth, which has several corners.
[deleted] · 166 points · Posted at 22:51:37 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Arancaytar · 11 points · Posted at 02:20:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is insane; it is patently obvious that the Earth has four corners and therefore experiences four simultaneous 24-hour days.
Norwegosaurus · 8 points · Posted at 23:04:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wake up sheeple. Wake up!
ibbolia · 10 points · Posted at 02:07:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
T̼ḛn̵ ̭̭͜t̛͓̩͈͙̹h҉̝o̵̘͔̹̙u͏̥̰̥͎̩̩̱s͇̦̯͕̹a̝n̰̪̝d̺̺̖̙ ͎y͓͚̦͝e͚̬a̝͈̪̱̺ͅr̝̦s͏̗͙̼̗̱ ̼̙̬w̙̥̹͚͟e̟͕̣̟̰̙ ͏͕̳̤͔s͇̲͇̞lu̥m̩͉̕b̦͈̬̣̬ȩ̟̻̻͍͖̠r̶̖̭̻̼̖e̷͎̰͙͔d̺͖.͘ ̡̩̱̯N̻̣̻̘O҉̯͔͓W ̪̤̜̗̩͈͈W̻̮͕̼̩̤̲E̦̻̗̼̖̼ ̖͍͉͘R̭I̖̠̞̣͉̼I̷̱̹̤I̥I҉͍̜̜̟̤͙̯S҉̜͇͔E͡!̜̘̰̘̭͖̬
reverendsteveii · 6 points · Posted at 02:51:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Everyone knows the Illuminati were lizardmen from the lost city of Carcosa in the Gobi desert. You've been duped.
HalfBakedHarry · 3 points · Posted at 01:14:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
... think about it ... wake up ...
subignition · 3 points · Posted at 07:00:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Actually a triangular pyramid would have 4 corners so
torreneastoria · 2 points · Posted at 04:56:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
DING DING DING! We have a winner!!!
SonnyTheDuck · 1 points · Posted at 11:24:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well, no need to state the obvious
twentybreadsticks · 3 points · Posted at 23:08:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
/r/shittyaskscience
B__rabbit_ · 4 points · Posted at 03:47:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No, it's dodecahedronal... Literally a dozen corners.
Not_A_Facehugger · 2 points · Posted at 22:57:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Four to be exact.
JackofScarlets · 2 points · Posted at 03:13:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Several, up to and including 4.
PM_Me_Randomly · 1 points · Posted at 03:02:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
At least 17, although the existence of an 18th is hotly disputed amongst professional tomb raiders.
shadowknave · 52 points · Posted at 21:46:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Somebody's never heard of TIMECUBE.
dryerlintcompelsyou · 7 points · Posted at 22:52:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I still don't understand what's going on in that website
ArcaneMonkey · 6 points · Posted at 03:59:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Schizophrenia
Antimony_tetroxide · 7 points · Posted at 00:01:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not much, considering it went down a few weeks ago.
dryerlintcompelsyou · 7 points · Posted at 00:04:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I saw it went down earlier but I just tried it and it seems to be up. What gives? Really good timing?
Teen_In_A_Suit · 3 points · Posted at 00:03:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What the fuck is going on in there?
BenovanStanchiano · 4 points · Posted at 03:00:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wasn't it GameCube?
PATXS · 4 points · Posted at 04:10:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh god that website creeps me the fuck out...
A_favorite_rug · 3 points · Posted at 02:29:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Tell that to flatearthers
FuckThyWorld · 3 points · Posted at 03:14:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The world is spherical but people are still trying to cut corners....
Jberg18 · 2 points · Posted at 05:01:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A point can exist at any point on a sphere. Three or more points can connect and make a corner. Therefore any point on the Earth can be a corner of the globe.
Boblles · 2 points · Posted at 06:54:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The "four corners of the earth" refers to north south east west. Old saying.
nmotsch789 · 2 points · Posted at 00:20:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's a figure of speech.
flashbunnny · 1 points · Posted at 04:18:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You are banned from /r/flatearth
NotTerrorist · 1 points · Posted at 05:24:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sounds like you wont be able to solve this puzzle.
steveryans2 · 1 points · Posted at 06:50:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not with THAT attitude it doesn't
UpiedYoutims · 1 points · Posted at 09:41:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
IT'S SPHERICAL
SPHERICAL
bigmcstrongmuscle · 1 points · Posted at 13:02:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Actually, the corners of the Earth are called mountains.
Bigspartandaddy · 1 points · Posted at 13:19:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah... Right...
DjLapX · 1 points · Posted at 12:58:43 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
Earth is flat, haven't you seen the proofs?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:45:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Burn the heretic
FicklePickle13 · 0 points · Posted at 09:04:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oblate spheroid.
112358Fi · 57 points · Posted at 20:19:41 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
That would be nice, they get to take their minds off of grieving and go on an adventure.
GimpedNinja · 5 points · Posted at 00:47:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And at the end of the long and pointless trail, yet another safe with a framed picture of the trollface
ChaosPheonix11 · 4 points · Posted at 03:07:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But did you leave the entire treasure in one piece?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:17:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Only to find that the true treasure, was your love for them.
mortiphago · 2 points · Posted at 01:59:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your world has corners?!
p2p_editor · 2 points · Posted at 18:48:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And at the end of it, a box with a message:
"Congratulations for making it this far, for finding this box. I know that in doing so, you will have endured hardships, found laughter, experienced unexpected flavors and seen unforgettable vistas. I have no fortune to bequeath to you. But in what time I had on this earth, I learned one true thing: the greatest wealth life offers is nothing more than the memories we carry with us from the living.
You are here for that reason alone. In the journey, you have lived. I cannot offer you money or jewels, power or fame. The fortune I have for you is not in this box. It is now inside each one of you, where it can never be lost, spent, or stolen.
I love you all. Now go forth and live some more."
DeathBySnustabtion · 2 points · Posted at 21:32:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
But globes are round...
SmellsOfTeenBullshit · 6 points · Posted at 21:54:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I believe it's an expression in case you're not being sarcastic.
DeathBySnustabtion · 3 points · Posted at 23:03:15 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sarcasm. What is that?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:57:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
...And a picture of you before your execution on the gallows, with a huge, menacing, & confident grin.
BearguanaMan · 180 points · Posted at 22:09:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Several pictures of old men spreading their ass cheeks, half a tub of margarine, and the Full House DVD box set.
phil035 · 20 points · Posted at 23:51:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
now to figure out what's wrong with you
Emperor_Cartagia · 23 points · Posted at 01:46:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
He just told you, he uses Margarine instead of real Butter, I mean, what kind of sick fuck?
cdc194 · 11 points · Posted at 02:58:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How did you just describe the contents of the trunk of my car?
BearguanaMan · 12 points · Posted at 03:08:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Untie me and I can explain
cdc194 · 12 points · Posted at 03:10:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
No deal. Slams trunk lid
BagelGlory · 4 points · Posted at 02:19:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I used to suck dick for coke. That's not funny.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 03:06:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Boo this man!
hardspank916 · 2 points · Posted at 03:57:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
When you're lost out there and you're all alone...
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 05:45:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You win. I exclaimed, "What the fuck?" and laughed bringing tears to my eyes.
AllMyName · 2 points · Posted at 03:22:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Do doo ba ba bow
NotTerriblyImportant · 1 points · Posted at 17:10:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Surely several old men spreading their ass cheeks is a clip somewhere on the Full House DVD box set.
VikingGoneSouth · 126 points · Posted at 20:00:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
note saying "you are not safe run"
DeathBySnustabtion · 91 points · Posted at 21:35:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And have the safe be a robot that will run away after they open it.
PanamaMoe · 39 points · Posted at 22:08:14 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
So why is the robot being existential about it being a safe?
DeathBySnustabtion · 4 points · Posted at 23:02:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Its not a safe, run!
Taman_Should · 5 points · Posted at 05:39:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
DON'T DEAD OPEN INSIDE
t987456 · 2 points · Posted at 15:59:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I can't stop giggling like an idiot at this, easily the best joke I'll hear(read) today.
pizzalikeus · 5 points · Posted at 00:29:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
so who is safe run?
neverpullout · 5 points · Posted at 22:24:32 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I am safe run.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:59:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What did Run ever do to you?
popcar2 · 1 points · Posted at 22:18:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Safehead guy from the evil within pops out from wall
[deleted] · 3844 points · Posted at 20:26:36 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A mirror, so they can see what mattered most to me.
Ptolemaeus_II · 667 points · Posted at 20:55:25 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Hey, mom. How much do you think this cruddy looking mirror is worth?"
"I dunno, son. We'll have to get it appraised. It must have been worth something for your dad to have put it in that big safe."
Balls2TheFloor · 78 points · Posted at 02:02:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ouch
NippleSlapper · 41 points · Posted at 02:43:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I've got a buddy who's an expert in mirrors, ill give him a call to see what kind of value we are looking at here
Iminicus · 15 points · Posted at 03:12:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The best he can offer is three fiddy
Bear_Taco · 8 points · Posted at 04:21:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
God damn pawness monstah!
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 08:08:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hi. I'm Brian Buchanon. I've been running Buchanon's Glass and Mirrors for the last 43 years. Now, this mirror here looks like a genuine '73 Martin-Cockbread Co Model 8...
Pokemaniac_Ron · 2 points · Posted at 12:17:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's worth $17.50, but I'll only give you $20 for it.
DjLapX · 1 points · Posted at 13:00:17 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
Listen, my buddy said it was worth 300$, but I gotta make a profit. I'll give you 5 bucks.
TreeArbitor · 5 points · Posted at 06:10:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Or maybe he wanted us to pay for all these funeral costs with sentiment"
[deleted] · 1837 points · Posted at 20:28:42 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
SmartAlec105 · 1653 points · Posted at 21:03:32 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think he meant he used the mirror to look at himself, the most important thing to him.
[deleted] · 1087 points · Posted at 21:06:11 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
ANUSTART942 · 139 points · Posted at 00:41:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This comment chain is exactly the realization the family will go through.
phyllop23 · 1 points · Posted at 10:27:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And this comment is the thought they would have if they thought of this.
[deleted] · 259 points · Posted at 21:38:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Holy shit that was great!
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 22:18:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
tpolaris · 3 points · Posted at 22:25:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
🎺🎺
Wigly3 · 2 points · Posted at 22:27:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Boo.
SmartAlec105 · 3 points · Posted at 22:35:28 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
AH! Why are you making ghost noises to scare people?
Onodorable · 4 points · Posted at 22:55:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
He's within his /r/ghostsrights
themendingwall · 2 points · Posted at 12:22:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your head just got messed with bruh.
JAnon14 · 247 points · Posted at 22:34:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
but he said "So they can see what mattered most to me," indicating that what they would see is what mattered most to him. They would see themselves, so OP was right.
thumpas · 11 points · Posted at 01:18:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But to see can also be used to mean to realize, so that in seeing the mirror, they would realize that he was conceited and self absorbed.
throwawaysarebetter · 3 points · Posted at 02:42:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Could go either way. Depends on your perspective.
Girafferra · 5 points · Posted at 06:50:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
His favorite mirror.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 03:16:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I read it as, they would see that the thing that mattered most was his own reflection. So OP was wrong?
DrKaptain · 3 points · Posted at 03:58:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think he just didn't have a firm understanding of how mirrors work and just assumed they would see the same thing he saw when he looked.
demuni · 2 points · Posted at 03:26:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Unless he just really liked that mirror in particular, and everyone present tries to find a deeper meaning. Idk.
SEC9-SQUIRREL · 2 points · Posted at 03:02:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But when OP was alive, he would see himself.
When he was alive, he was what mattered most to him, but he's dead so it's his family.
I don't know, this is 2deep4me.
Radvila · 1 points · Posted at 14:15:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or he was just really into mirrors and this one was his favorite.
calvanus · 2 points · Posted at 06:21:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or he just really loved mirrors.
IReallyLikePretzles · 1 points · Posted at 06:24:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nah. He said so that they could see what mattered most to him. Clearly, they would see themselves.
UshankaDalek · 1 points · Posted at 11:55:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I like it either way. It's brilliant!
Arancaytar · 7 points · Posted at 02:17:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That wonderful double meaning.
typing · 6 points · Posted at 03:15:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Cocaine?
Nonzy · 5 points · Posted at 01:40:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dude can you clarify, did you mean your family mattered most or that you mattered most?
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 01:44:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm too good of a person to make it about myself...
Nonzy · 4 points · Posted at 01:52:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I knew me asking that question would be in vain...
Vodis · 3 points · Posted at 21:21:00 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is almost the exact plot of Storm #9.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 23:57:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
BingBang
esac_niner · 3 points · Posted at 00:02:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dangit Bobby why did you pick the mirror
Sirgreentrees420 · 3 points · Posted at 03:10:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bing bang.
KiloLee · 3 points · Posted at 04:00:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
To Kanye, or not to Kanye... that is the question.
kieko · 3 points · Posted at 06:38:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What? Mirrors?
Donttellnoone · 20 points · Posted at 23:27:05 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Narcissism at its finest.
Zumaki · 0 points · Posted at 23:52:09 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Woosh
jcoguy33 · 3 points · Posted at 05:04:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Double woosh
MaximaFuryRigor · 3 points · Posted at 16:29:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The woosher became the wooshee!
3mpireZ · 2 points · Posted at 02:34:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
deep
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:19:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This reminded me of Mikael's safe from Ares.
FXOjafar · 2 points · Posted at 09:17:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The feels!
Darcyoss · 2 points · Posted at 09:57:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well now I feel like a shitty son :'(
Vicinus · 2 points · Posted at 10:42:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm gonna steal that and will write my wife a note on the mirror today.
joedaddy8 · 2 points · Posted at 10:58:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A mirror would mean YOU are what you looked at your face in the safe all the time, not your family.
Alb4tr0s · 2 points · Posted at 12:12:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your username reminds me of a song of The Offspring. :)
RiskyR · 2 points · Posted at 12:51:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's an expensive-ass mirror. Like a fetish or something?
Youre_all_worthless · 2 points · Posted at 15:57:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So which one is it, man? Are you self absorbed or family loving?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:22:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm too nice to be self absorbed...
Youre_all_worthless · 1 points · Posted at 16:25:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Finally, a straight answer
Nosiege · 2 points · Posted at 23:46:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your own vanity?
uss1701jb · 2 points · Posted at 00:13:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yourself?
uhaul26 · 1 points · Posted at 04:57:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What's so great about Reflective glass?
EggoSlayer · 1 points · Posted at 08:59:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Damn, your comment really made me smile. Thanks for that.
wilogdon · 1 points · Posted at 11:29:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
how can mirrors be real if our eyes arent real
DeckerR · 1 points · Posted at 12:42:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Cocaine?
phrantastic · 1 points · Posted at 13:14:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Awww
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 23:49:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Awe. Isn't is adorable when your reddit account is hacked by your mommy?
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 20:27:33 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · -2 points · Posted at 01:50:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
hah, gaaaaaaaay
dustmanauddd · 106 points · Posted at 19:39:14 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A rubber fist and a jar of soy sauce
BagelGlory · 13 points · Posted at 02:28:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Salty sodomy is after all, the best kind of sodomy
uniquepurecombat · 8 points · Posted at 02:34:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sodiumy?
BagelGlory · 6 points · Posted at 02:46:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
NaCoLon
Slutnazi · 2 points · Posted at 04:36:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:01:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Half full jar.
[deleted] · 101 points · Posted at 20:21:32 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
mdk_777 · 13 points · Posted at 02:26:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Also a short note saying "This island doesn't exist on any conventional map, but find [Redacted] to find the truth."
SirensToGo · 3 points · Posted at 14:05:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ah, Redacted! My best friend!
yumyum36 · 2 points · Posted at 00:25:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Porto Mira"
edude45 · 201 points · Posted at 20:52:10 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Hitler assassination plan, dated 2067. And a gogurt with a bag of Gummi bears on the side.
Edit: Oh... this is for family? OK a bag of Gummi bears and a gogurt. Then a diet and exercise plan, dated 2067.
classymathguy · 19 points · Posted at 01:13:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A President Trump assassination plan, dated 2067
StrangeCharmVote · 3 points · Posted at 12:54:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
With detailed instructions on how the
hairbody should be handled when it inevitably attacks todefend it's master (the hair?!).
Fannon · 166 points · Posted at 20:48:26 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would say a Mein Kampf, original and signed. They would have a lot of questions.
zuul99 · 161 points · Posted at 03:19:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Finally one that I can do
Cover
Inside
steveryans2 · 32 points · Posted at 06:55:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Maybe it's just me but that would be an amazing thing to own just based off the significance. You'd own something hand signed by one of the most impactful people on the history of the planet. Everyone can find something signed by a president online or whatever and even the greatest of THOSE would be amazing but this guy literally caused a war of global proportion to start....and you'd own a book he'd signed
lalibella · 2 points · Posted at 06:40:38 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Only it's illegal to own. At least here in the Netherlands
steveryans2 · 1 points · Posted at 07:47:47 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh that's interesting, I think here in the US you can own it?
MagicScotsman · 9 points · Posted at 06:43:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Can I ask how you came into possession of this?
ZurichianAnimations · 8 points · Posted at 07:19:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's actually pretty awesome! Having a piece of history like that.
[deleted] · 11 points · Posted at 05:51:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sooo, uhhhh, want to tell us something?
heisyounghewillwalk · 11 points · Posted at 07:29:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I did Nazi that coming
GrahamHosken · 11 points · Posted at 07:33:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
how did jew nazi that
Nik_tortor · 4 points · Posted at 09:28:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How much is that thing worth?
FrisianDude · 0 points · Posted at 12:17:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
6 bucks
_TheGreatDekuTree_ · 10 points · Posted at 15:32:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
On this episode of pawn stars
El_Chavito_Loco · 5 points · Posted at 07:47:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How does it feel to be the luckiest bastard in the world?
DarkAngel401 · 3 points · Posted at 13:38:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is really badass. How did you come into possession of it?
SonnyTheDuck · 2 points · Posted at 11:30:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Lucky
Fannon · 1 points · Posted at 20:27:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's really nice. Looks like it is in great condition too!
meantocows · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Feel like selling it?
Black_Hipster · 10 points · Posted at 23:16:35 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't know, something like that would go for a lot of money. They'd assume you bought it and left it for them to sell.
Fannon · 4 points · Posted at 05:00:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Point is, it is not allowed to sell one here in the netherlands and i've never seen one for real.
Black_Hipster · 1 points · Posted at 06:21:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh, I hadn't known that. I've seen a few copies as a library assistant, but they were all reprints.
An original signed copy in the Netherlands though... yeah, someone has explaining to do haha
Enzo95 · 6 points · Posted at 02:07:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Grail Diary, original, signed by the Führer and Shean Connery.
Flakesy · 2 points · Posted at 12:07:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Why would they. Not that reading the book turns you nazi or something.
Fannon · 1 points · Posted at 15:28:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Owning items of the 3th reich is legal by law but here in the netherlands is it not really accepted by a lot of people.
Most people will ask questions or get wrong ideas if they see that you own something like that.
peteypenguin · 1 points · Posted at 06:29:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
especially if you were Jewish
Kandierter_Holzapfel · 1 points · Posted at 12:40:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Both books, first edition
[deleted] · 218 points · Posted at 20:38:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
dekket · 163 points · Posted at 21:54:36 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Good luck finding someone who would WANT to read it.
[deleted] · 15 points · Posted at 22:28:35 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I wood
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:29:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You don't know at what age the nudes were taken.
i_like_de_autos · 2 points · Posted at 04:49:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Floppy discs are disgusting.
cold08 · 8 points · Posted at 02:20:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How about several Zip Disks filled entirely with low quality quicktime audio files of Van Halen's Jump
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:21:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
cold08 · 3 points · Posted at 02:27:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
but name the files random numbers so that if they find a working zip drive and go through them they have to listen to that opening over and over again until they get to the file that is "It's Not Unusual." Then the rest is just Jump.
0OKM9IJN8UHB7 · 5 points · Posted at 22:57:02 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not much of a challenge, I could probably have it dumped in a day of fucking around once I got an old external drive and a USB to parallel adapter off ebay.
Mortimer_Young · 7 points · Posted at 01:07:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Especially because 5.5 drives didn't exist. You're thinking 5.25, or 3.5.
tokyorockz · 2 points · Posted at 01:44:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And a year on it, a year before your grandfathers death but after your grandmothers death.
Patternsix · 2 points · Posted at 01:58:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The 8 Inch would be way harder to find a reader for.
stopbeingsocow · 2 points · Posted at 02:57:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I've got a computer with floppy dick drive and I'm saving it for that
thedarkone47 · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I still have my floppy drive.
TheCrankyBear · 42 points · Posted at 19:54:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A rusted key and a fake map that requires you to know history.
ItPutsLotionOnItSkin · 16 points · Posted at 22:55:20 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or Google
Iamnotnick · 5 points · Posted at 04:17:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I dont think Google will fit in a safe...
ItPutsLotionOnItSkin · 1 points · Posted at 04:18:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Smartphone in the safe?
professorMaDLib · 229 points · Posted at 20:32:05 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A massive ass spider.
oogapalooza · 202 points · Posted at 22:02:17 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
As in a spider that lives in asses?
tycho42 · 264 points · Posted at 22:23:03 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
No, its just two cheeks, eight legs, and one brown eye
Darth_Nacho · 9 points · Posted at 00:39:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
AH you mean the legendary barking spider.
Superman_v2 · 6 points · Posted at 06:28:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Summoning /u/AWildSketchAppeared
TheVoicesSayHi · 6 points · Posted at 07:46:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
/╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\
tycho42 · 3 points · Posted at 08:20:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Got too many eyes there and not enough cheeks
TheVoicesSayHi · 9 points · Posted at 08:22:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
/╲/\╭( ( ° ) )╮/\╱\
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 09:49:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Love it.
SpartanJack17 · 5 points · Posted at 00:13:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Relevant XKCD
DuckDuckLandMine · 5 points · Posted at 22:34:37 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
butt spiders are real. They are safe from the world in there and it is easy to catch flies. They come out at night once ever few weeks to feed.
professorMaDLib · 6 points · Posted at 23:16:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
no that's the Siamese butthole eating scorpion. This is just a big spider.
MatrixSez · 3 points · Posted at 01:24:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So do the spiders have their own apartments inside the people?
EchoOfNoise · 2 points · Posted at 23:09:42 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or a spider that looks like an ass?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:29:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's the most terrifying prospect I've heard today.
sohelpmereason · 2 points · Posted at 04:26:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Relevant xkcd
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 02:03:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Ass spiders
Sabin10 · 2 points · Posted at 05:27:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I get this reference.
MurgleMcGurgle · 2 points · Posted at 23:45:01 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Please let /u/Shitty_Watercolour see this.
vspazv · 150 points · Posted at 20:07:16 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A collection of fleshlights and dildos signed by the porn stars they were modeled on.
technicallyinclined · 11 points · Posted at 03:03:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Don't forget your cumbox. You wouldn't want to bury it outside and grow a cumtree.
789yugemos · 10 points · Posted at 03:42:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Which bears cumquats
SpastixFantastix · 9 points · Posted at 23:39:16 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
They have fleshlights modeled after porn stars? I really would hate to see that molding process play out.
vspazv · 9 points · Posted at 23:43:07 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
NSFW
http://videos.fleshlight.com/video/27/teagan-presley-molding
SpastixFantastix · 17 points · Posted at 23:44:57 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'll take your word for it.
BagelGlory · 3 points · Posted at 02:15:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well.... Apparently that exists.
Xantoxu · 2 points · Posted at 00:37:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That was neat. Not really.
faleboat · 2 points · Posted at 01:45:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's....uh. Wow. that's both creepy and fascinating.
muricafye · 1 points · Posted at 06:21:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
😐
IndifferentAnarchist · 3 points · Posted at 06:09:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
As I understand it, it's only the outward appearance, as it were. They don't actually model the interior.
MetaLizard · 2 points · Posted at 23:35:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nah, they wouldn't be confused one bit
SargeMacLethal · 2 points · Posted at 23:25:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
You already have those, don't you...
GameAddikt · 122 points · Posted at 19:47:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cowboy and an Indian in Mexican standoff.
BallzSpartan · 24 points · Posted at 21:10:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Found the guy who just watched the new season of Longmire over the weekend.
germanyjr112 · 2 points · Posted at 23:02:18 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
There was a new season??
GameAddikt · 2 points · Posted at 21:51:33 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
No, I've only seen the first episode of season 4. My brother wants to save them and watch one a week -_-
zkinny · 1 points · Posted at 06:41:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just started watching that, but each episode was so stand-alone i don't have any reason to keep watching of that makes any sense. Also some of the actor are kind of bad, but i still really like the setting and some of the dialouge in the show. Did they get a larger budget or otherwise make the series better in the later seasons? I have only watched 4 episodes or something..
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 01:45:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
GameAddikt · 3 points · Posted at 01:52:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Longmire.
But Indian in the Cupboard is an excellent film, which I love, it's just not the media I'm referring to.
SWEET_JESUS_NIPPLES · 2 points · Posted at 06:01:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Love that movie so much.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 15:20:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
We'd need a cupboard for this...
cvframer · 1 points · Posted at 04:16:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
With the Indian fallen over.
Reapingday15 · 1 points · Posted at 06:20:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
We need a fifth season, dammit!
passwurhd · 312 points · Posted at 20:34:25 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Are you alright, OP?
[deleted] · 289 points · Posted at 20:35:55 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
DeathBySnustabtion · 68 points · Posted at 21:35:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sooo fiiiiine...
thatwasnotkawaii · 6 points · Posted at 00:43:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Soo smoooooth
Sir_Meowsalot · 10 points · Posted at 04:27:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
sniffs OP's hair
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 03:59:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
pikaras · 4 points · Posted at 05:31:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
are you male or female? Because either you're fine or you're about to die.
pipi55 · 2 points · Posted at 15:53:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wink two times if you're in trouble, OP.
alekksi · 1 points · Posted at 16:02:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm fine -- really!
Nope__Nope__Nope · 10 points · Posted at 23:46:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)*
deleted What is this?
BagelGlory · 3 points · Posted at 02:11:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yeah... I didn't even touch that thread. Care to tl;dr it for me?
Nope__Nope__Nope · 4 points · Posted at 02:27:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
deleted What is this?
BagelGlory · 7 points · Posted at 02:45:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well thank you, sir.
Nope__Nope__Nope · 2 points · Posted at 03:06:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
deleted What is this?
BagelGlory · 3 points · Posted at 11:56:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Clearly
srr128 · 7 points · Posted at 23:49:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is actually a really important question when people start talking about death. You never know. You're awesome, /u/passwurhd.
a_guy_with_a_plan · 5 points · Posted at 00:42:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
IRL people are afraid to ask, but it could really save lives.
TheUltraLord · 56 points · Posted at 20:03:51 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Guns, gold, large bags of drugs, and several hundred thousand in US dollars, and Euros.
captainmagictrousers · 29 points · Posted at 19:45:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Some Snorks DVDs, and a fleshlight.
WildTurkey81 · 6 points · Posted at 22:28:18 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Jeez, havent thought of the Snorks in a long time.
FreydyCat · 26 points · Posted at 02:54:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note. "Dear family, if you are reading this then I am dead but it was not an accident. Do not let grandma get away with killing me to cover up for her war crimes I found out about. Search for the black notebook in my house."
EpicFreakingLlama9 · 1 points · Posted at 10:30:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And the notebook would say nothing. It would just be blank pages
PJvG · 2 points · Posted at 11:57:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Invisible ink
EpicFreakingLlama9 · 2 points · Posted at 12:07:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Invisible ink with something written in Serbian... That translates to gibberish
shadowredcap · 5 points · Posted at 15:59:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Forcing them to steal the declaration of independence.
EpicFreakingLlama9 · 1 points · Posted at 21:47:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And after stealing it they are rickrolled by Nicholas cage
trexrocks · 75 points · Posted at 22:43:05 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A spinning top. They'll all be convinced they're dreaming and try to kill themselves.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 10:47:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Even better, magnetize the top and have a a small rotating magnetic coil built into the safe so it never stops spinning, they open the safe and there it is.
ZenitramNaes · 3 points · Posted at 06:06:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Logic.
iAmTheEpicOne · 5 points · Posted at 06:54:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But the wedding ring...
Icansecretlyfly · 1 points · Posted at 07:56:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fuck this. You devious bastard
thejasond123 · 1 points · Posted at 20:56:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You monster!
Beyond-1 · 25 points · Posted at 23:08:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Ferrari key, nothing more just a key for a car that doesn't exist!
rwn_atc · 46 points · Posted at 02:44:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"You thought keyless cars were cool? Lemme show you this carless key."
mrhotpotato · 2 points · Posted at 15:40:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You should be the new Apple CEO !
rabiarbaaz · 2 points · Posted at 15:39:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
or better yet, the keys to a volkswagen scirocco!
ImmaMantisShrimp · 17 points · Posted at 23:58:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
7 passports to different nations (including the one you reside in at the time of your death) with your picture on all of them, and the receipt to an international flower delivery service who, once contacted, will tell your family that they have been paid and instructed to deliver one red rose to an individual in each of those countries every year on your death anniversary. this is the same company that has delivered one red rose to your significant other 10 minutes after your death. Also, 6 love letters addressed to you from 6 female names, and military uniforms from all 7 nations. A frozen vial of your semen, and the phrase "he needed me more. I'm so sorry" written in the back of the safe. Each word is written with the blood of different people, who turn out to be the president/prime minister/king etc of the 7 nations. also foreskin.
[deleted] · 13 points · Posted at 04:00:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What the fuck?
ImmaMantisShrimp · 1 points · Posted at 01:00:45 on September 18, 2015 · (Permalink)
:)
Druizzi · 18 points · Posted at 00:19:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A photocopy printer hidden in the back and a camera that takes a picture when the door is opened. When your family opens the safe all they see is a picture of them opening the safe.
JabberJaahs · 15 points · Posted at 01:31:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A spent shell casing inside an envelope labelled 'Grassy Knoll'.
Drak_is_Right · 30 points · Posted at 21:11:31 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
birth certificates of fake kids. if your kids mother has died also, then birth certificates of them with a different father's name.
avanttard · 14 points · Posted at 19:57:57 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A kilo of Cialis
nosleepatall · 1 points · Posted at 10:40:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Works best if the last sex has happened some years ago.
thewander · 26 points · Posted at 02:12:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My great uncle Tony had a man sized safe in his living room. It was such a part of the room I didn't question it for most of my life.
At one point he turned to my father and gesticulating at the safe said "Richard. I keep my money in there."
To which my father responded "Tony. That's none of my damn business."
Orange soda and cheese puffs.
lobstertraper · 5 points · Posted at 02:54:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
brilliant
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:15:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Cheese puffs?! But... what about the frosted flakes of family legacy?
heisyounghewillwalk · 1 points · Posted at 07:35:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Top kek
Thatsnowconeguy · 1 points · Posted at 11:58:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your dad could've been richard if there was money in the safe.
hxcrichard · 0 points · Posted at 12:29:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I remember that day fondly
Charizard425 · 98 points · Posted at 23:01:21 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's not really a wtf, but my grandpa actually had a really cool one that he left behind. We all knew of this one safe in his house, but when we opened it we were surprised to find nothing in it other than a note...and on the note were clues and riddles in different languages that he spoke that led to other safes that he had hidden in his house. he was a clever dude. miss that guy
theleviwasbr1 · 21 points · Posted at 00:32:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well, what was in those safes??
Mortimer_Young · 61 points · Posted at 01:09:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry, son, this is the internet and you just read a fake story.
REDDISAUROUS_REX · 9 points · Posted at 04:03:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Lel Edit:have an updoot
Im_Mr_Skeltal · 10 points · Posted at 13:09:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED
LordoftheLakes · 5 points · Posted at 14:29:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
thank mr skeltal
KneelinBob · 3 points · Posted at 14:36:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
thank mr skeltal
CaptainPitkid · 3 points · Posted at 16:28:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thank Mr. Skeltal
alphagammabeta1548 · 1 points · Posted at 17:04:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
thanks mr skeltal
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:11:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thank Mr skeletal
Malazanth · 1 points · Posted at 18:57:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
thanks Mr skeltal
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 01:49:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The safe manufacturer? Albert Einstein
Charizard425 · 1 points · Posted at 21:04:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
mainly cash, but then also some important documentation. what you would expect to find in safes, pretty much. it was still cool to have to look around the house for them
Dathan88 · 1 points · Posted at 20:26:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What were in the other safes?
Charizard425 · 1 points · Posted at 21:05:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
mainly cash, but then also some important documentation. what you would expect to find in safes, pretty much. it was still cool to have to look around the house for them
xBandit · 14 points · Posted at 05:35:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A poop with a second place ribbon on it.
tact8t88 · 11 points · Posted at 07:55:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A microSD card in an envelope with a letter inside saying "i'm so sorry".
Everything on the microSD card would be encrypted. Once decrypted, it would reveal hundreds of photos of anteaters in sweaters.
Tfunky · 32 points · Posted at 22:13:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A miniature doll diorama of the hospital room where I passed away with my love ones around, and a note saying "the dolls have made their decision". And a bottle of makers mark
Icansecretlyfly · 2 points · Posted at 07:56:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Devious devious bastard.
BigBizzle151 · 12 points · Posted at 00:29:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nixon mask, 12-inch dildo, jar of pubic hair clippings.
Slutnazi · 5 points · Posted at 04:50:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
BigBizzle151 · 3 points · Posted at 04:58:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's a serial killer scavenger hunt!
ch0k3 · 11 points · Posted at 03:20:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
an encrypted flash drive with a note attached saying "everything you always wanted to know about me is here"
::spoiler:: the flash drive is full of bad memes
SummonTheDerp · 3 points · Posted at 04:55:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You would probably really coax them into a snafu with that one...
trentbat · 4 points · Posted at 03:39:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
*dank memes
AdmiralFace · 2 points · Posted at 12:15:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
me too thanks
[deleted] · 22 points · Posted at 19:36:59 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
EchoOfNoise · 18 points · Posted at 23:13:42 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Like Olga did from Hey Arnold! did?
ASCIt · 2 points · Posted at 07:03:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Helga, btw. Olga was her hot, successful older sister.
SirSupernova · 1 points · Posted at 05:50:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sweet reference.
nhilante · 3 points · Posted at 00:33:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
There was one of those in Vancouver last year in front of the art gallery. You could put your own gum on it, making it a collaboratively built sculpture.
abscando · 73 points · Posted at 19:12:33 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A grammar book.
[deleted] · 60 points · Posted at 20:34:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your right
PM_ME_SOCCER_BALLS · 32 points · Posted at 21:02:41 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think your write two
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 01:04:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You're grammerrrrrrr
one_pint_down · 5 points · Posted at 00:54:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Eye think your write two
FTFY
pixelsimulation · 2 points · Posted at 23:39:25 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
My right?
[deleted] · 32 points · Posted at 21:22:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
solomondg · 37 points · Posted at 21:42:13 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
wat
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 01:03:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Lathering stricture to enrapture. Standing matter dead point to slot put-up reach to lull to prepare rabbit fever as far as possible lordly unmentionables scanty monger what wind blows you here? crazy. Showy the pick of the bunch raider cam to multiply soiled. Services over smart guy inboard cabin broad hint to sink down into an armchair mockery unmusical bar liquid make-up. rifle-pit. Post office it is high time. Packet to come across with five dollars to be unwilling to do sg except for tag pointer to talk shop. To keep one's hair on sweeping flight re-entry running mate unmistakably. At first to put in commission living brass to abrade copier to promulgate. Clips bumps in a road relaxation to string, strung to scrape deflector. Unbiassedly salesclerk revetment bogy corresponsive boss cocky waves incentive
solomondg · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:15:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I can't make any more bold. You should see an eye doctor.
nhilante · 3 points · Posted at 00:27:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It is done. Tell HQ the river boiled up.
BurningPickle · 3 points · Posted at 01:08:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Um, I think OP is broken.
kellydean1 · 2 points · Posted at 00:26:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Exactly. Couldn't have said it better.
Eatgingervitusbread · 2 points · Posted at 03:34:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
read this in a British accent
TheCoolman78 · 2 points · Posted at 23:40:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Whoa, OP, put down the Thesaurus, dude.
vibrant_crab · 1 points · Posted at 04:16:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I read that in my head like a rap and it was amazing.
TACTICALMCNUGGETS · 1 points · Posted at 05:50:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I need an adult.
Thatsnowconeguy · 1 points · Posted at 11:56:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm willing to bet that this was made with Voice Recognition.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:09:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An grammar book?
enriceau · 1 points · Posted at 17:32:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
gremmer*
lambda188 · 11 points · Posted at 02:28:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A detailed treasure map that actually leads to a septic tank.
Danuwa · 2 points · Posted at 03:07:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh how I would love to do this to my family
ZanSquid · 10 points · Posted at 03:20:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A coded letter and a blueprint. Source: my grandad did this. Da Vinci Code treasure hunt ensued.
StayFrostyIcebrgSlim · 6 points · Posted at 03:29:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And????
ZanSquid · 13 points · Posted at 08:28:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It was pretty amazing. The safe was actually the second step in the story.
My grandad had five kids, who by the time he passed had spread out over multiple countries and were all living very separate lives. He was a solitary, generally silent man- textbook stoic, the sort of classic grandad who would sort of just grunt and say "It's not so bad" if, for example, he'd broken a femur.
Six months before the end of his life, he had a health scare and ended up in hospital, believing he was about to die. My mum was the only one to make it to the hospital initially, since her other siblings were in different states/countries/whatever at the time.
He really believed he was dying, so when my mum showed up as they were wheeling him into surgery, he gripped her arm and said, "When I'm gone- check in the bedside table. You have to remember to check in the bedside table!"
It turned out he wasn't dying that day, and after the surgery he gruffly told my mum not to tell anyone about what he'd said before. So, of course, she called up her sisters that evening and told them.
So, months later, he actually dies (suddenly and painlessly, in his favourite place- his workshop), and the family gather to decide what to do about the funeral and estate. Mum's sister says- "Hey, don't you remember that funny thing he said last time he went into hospital? We should check that out."
They look in the drawer on the bedside table. Nothing. They look in the cupboard of same. Nothing. Then one of their brothers, an electrician by trade, says, "Hey- stop. The wiring on the lamp here looks really weird. Let me check it out."
So they pause while their brother opens up the lamp, and there's a key inside! ...But what to?
The third sister says, "He told me once he had a safe hidden somewhere in the workshop, where he was saving his pension. It could be to that." Cue the five siblings turning the workshop upside down. Buried deep under the raw wood pile (he did a lot of carpentry before his Parkinsons got the better of him), lo and behold, is the safe.
So they dig it out and open it up with the key. Inside is no money, but the aforementioned letter and blueprint. It's in code, they're totally baffled, until the other brother has a lightbulb moment. He relays the story about how, when he was young, their dad used to take him to work on the railways with him. The workers had a special code they used to signal to each other what was going on. He racks his brain, and they do a bit of google-fu, and they crack the code.
It's a message, and instructions. The blueprint, they see, is to the house they all grew up in- that their dad built himself. The letter tells them that he couldn't be more proud of his five kids, and he's set this up as a game to bring them all together. The only people in the world who could work it out are the five of them, and they needed all of them to succeed. If they can't work it out, then they don't deserve the reward, but he knows they will.
There were also directions for his funeral. He'd set it all out already. The rest of the instructions were to use the blueprint to figure out where their reward was hidden.
So the five of them, each clever and successful in different ways, pore over this blueprint for about two days. Eventually they discovered a hidden compartment inside one of the walls, bricked up inside an old chimney that hadn't been used in 40 years or so. There was a big old biscuit tin.
Inside the biscuit tin were individual letters to each of his children, an envelope containing the entire payment for the funeral, and a shit ton of cash. He'd been scrimping and saving his pension for several decades, hiding it away in large notes in this old biscuit tin to give to his kids.
It was a fucking amazing treasure hunt and a master stroke to bring his kids back together one last time. In my lifetime, I knew my grandad only as a gruff old man who sat in his chair and said very little, but quite clearly he'd been planning this in secret for years. What an utter legend.
StayFrostyIcebrgSlim · 2 points · Posted at 19:16:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This could very easily be a movie. It also made my day so thank you for that :)
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 03:33:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
op pls
ZanSquid · 3 points · Posted at 08:33:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Here you go, my response to the other guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3ktdk9/whats_a_wtf_item_to_leave_in_a_safe_to_mess_with/cv0ylbi
adjectivesscience · 70 points · Posted at 19:39:48 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note saying - "Don't check my Internet History."
imcool7531 · 20 points · Posted at 21:09:51 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I just knew some smartass would say this...
WolvesPWN · 2 points · Posted at 00:28:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Right before you die, look up rape porn, child porn, murder porn, and vore, just to horrify them when they snoop to much.
magicsparkles12 · 2 points · Posted at 11:48:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Have /r/alabamagonewild be the naughtiest thing in your history. No other porn, no dirty searches, nothing. They'll think you feel extremely guilty over looking at some knees and girls reading books.
GimpedNinja · 3 points · Posted at 00:58:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think I gotta put it in my will saying when I die my interweb history must be destroyed and if anyone looks at it, nobody get's any inheritance. Also a list of files on my computer to be destroyed. Of course, not like they'd inherit a lot anyway, a shitty old computer and a smelly mattress.
IndifferentAnarchist · 3 points · Posted at 06:11:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
More than that, you want a friend who is sworn to undertake the task when you die.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:37:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[removed]
adjectivesscience · 1 points · Posted at 07:48:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
just to mess with their heads, not to put them in trauma :P
Flakesy · 1 points · Posted at 12:09:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Encryption is build into every major operating system. Just use it and you will have no worries.
adjectivesscience · 1 points · Posted at 12:19:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
i use chrome. is there some encryption method for it?
Flakesy · 1 points · Posted at 14:36:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You can setup chrome or firefox to forget everything as soon as you close it. If thats not enough you can encrypt your harddrive.
Back2Bach · 20 points · Posted at 19:28:33 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A will which details an impressive amount of treasure you bequeath to family members, but no mention of where it's to be found.
Xaom64 · 8 points · Posted at 20:11:03 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
In a massive walk in safe, multiple mannequins with holes drilled in the eyes and throat, a banana, and four letters addressed to a fake lover, detailing how your work was almost complete and you were ready to leave and live with them.
m-torr · 23 points · Posted at 19:26:01 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A letter that says "I didn't die of natural causes, I was murdered."
ZurichianAnimations · 1 points · Posted at 07:22:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Even better. A letter that says something like, "If you're reading this, that means they finally got me. You aren't safe. Now that they got me, you're next."
Ithinkiplaygames · 51 points · Posted at 21:29:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A rigged shotgun.
PintSizedPinata · 14 points · Posted at 01:25:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That'll most definitely mess with their heads. Maybe not the way OP intended though.
Mr_Dmc · 2 points · Posted at 11:00:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rigged explosives could knock their socks off?
Ragnrok · 1 points · Posted at 19:45:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A plan like that can really make your family experience nirvana.
PintSizedPinata · 1 points · Posted at 20:00:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Speaking of Nirvana. Did you know Coconut Head from the hit TV show Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide can be seen wearing a Nirvana shirt in several episodes?
heisyounghewillwalk · 1 points · Posted at 07:33:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Unless OPs family is Kurt Cobain
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 00:47:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
:|
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 07:24:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
ಠ_ಠ
PanamaMoe · 2 points · Posted at 22:14:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well there is an EXPLOSIVE suprise!
NocturnalToxin · 4 points · Posted at 23:31:37 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
At the time of opening the safe, only one thing was going through my mind...
And it was the blast of a shotgun.
kodran · 2 points · Posted at 08:19:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Vatican something something Sherlock
Robrev6 · 1 points · Posted at 15:41:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Mess with their heads I mean, you're not wrong...
lokitheinane · 8 points · Posted at 22:31:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bloodstained wooden spike and a small pile of ash
panspal · 7 points · Posted at 22:44:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Picture of myself in old age makeup on a tropical beach we've never been to with "wish you were here" written on the back
phil035 · 7 points · Posted at 23:38:35 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
The cheapest toaster I can get my hands on
Pikalika · 14 points · Posted at 21:27:25 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Huge fucking spider and nothing else. Make sure to create a massive buildup prior to your death
Boobykat · 4 points · Posted at 00:36:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But what's it fucking?
Pikalika · 7 points · Posted at 00:45:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Our hopes and dreams
Budakang · 6 points · Posted at 22:11:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pineapple. No... A wedding ring with an enormous diamond in it. No.... A small booklet in a yellow envelope that says "How I Did It." on the front. Then the pages are all written in a gibberish code.
ranaadnanm · 7 points · Posted at 02:38:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Lie to your family that you're going to see your old buddy Charles in (insert city) for a few days. Secretly go to bizarre and obscure archaeological sites abroad, taking photos and creating detailed journals as if you're on some sort Indiana Jones style quest to unlock some great mystery. Make sure to also include lots of candid photos of yourself at the aforementioned sites. Sketch plenty of mysterious symbols for bonus points. Conclude your journal with: 'After much deliberation I have come to the conclusion that I have no other option but to cross over to the other side where the answer lay hidden. I am not sure when but I'll return once I have completed their task, and then finally, humanity will be ready to move on to the next plane of existence. The 17 are waiting" Hide the journal along with the photographs in any suitable location where there is a good chance for it to be discovered within a few years time.
Alternatively, use your uber photoshop skills to shoop the aforementioned photographs.
AjCheeze · 8 points · Posted at 02:48:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Box of Blood slides. Along with a set of precision knifes maybe some plastic wrap and ducttape.
paradizelost · 3 points · Posted at 05:38:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That goes in the air conditioner. Not the safe.
crayzchic91 · 1 points · Posted at 01:40:18 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
So Dexter?
crystalgrey · 7 points · Posted at 12:35:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I put a fake skeleton in a gap behind a wall. I was doing some remodeling and had a 2x3' space I couldn't use. I dressed it in worn clothes I was going to get rid of. Now if I ever move and the new owners renovate or tear down the house. SURPRISE!!!!
CokeRobot · 33 points · Posted at 21:11:09 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Mummified baby with a note to my spouse saying we shouldn't have aborted.
Plot twist, we never had an abortion. And it's not even our baby. It's just their for WTF purposes.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 07:16:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
According to the news outlets these days, this is exactly where Planned Parenthood sells fetuses out to.
SomeHairyGuy · 5 points · Posted at 20:19:49 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A lava lamp, a crowbar and a funnel
Glassman59 · 6 points · Posted at 21:33:55 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note Referencing a note to a fictional friend. "Be sure to ask Jimmy about the stash of money I had kept secret from the IRS. Jimmy is to get an even share of that money. Each of the nieces/nephews is only to receive $20,000. The other family members and Jimmy to receive the lions share of stash evenly divided." Let the treasure hunt begin.
athennna · 5 points · Posted at 00:34:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note that says "It's in the other safe."
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 01:03:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A monkey paw with two of the fingers in, showing only two of the wishes were used.
Random-Miser · 6 points · Posted at 01:13:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An extremely well crafted copy of your head in a sealed preservation jar labeled, "Specimen 1", accompanied by various other unidentifiable biological specimens.
dogbuddies · 5 points · Posted at 02:52:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Such a good askreddit
FattyLad · 26 points · Posted at 19:39:36 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cumbox containing different species of fossilized spunk from many decades worth of masturbation.
So yeah.... a cum box ;)
[deleted] · 27 points · Posted at 20:34:52 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
FattyLad · 57 points · Posted at 21:42:38 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
So basically send a sticky note?
aedansblade36 · 1 points · Posted at 04:47:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But not which family member. Also, a note saying "This cumbox belongs to whom I believe to be my killer."
Have it be the dog's. RED ROCKET!
darthatheos · 10 points · Posted at 20:53:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Confetti. Specifically, a confetti bomb that goes off when the safe is opened.
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 21:11:55 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And when they enter the safe glitter will rain from the ceiling
TheQuestionableYarn · 1 points · Posted at 03:26:16 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
You cruel bastard... That's all going into the carpets. Do you have any fucking idea how long it takes to clean that all out?
dinklebergs_revenge · 5 points · Posted at 23:07:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
They make penis-shaped confetti pieces.
Food for thought.
wing-attack-plan-r · 1 points · Posted at 11:39:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Better yet, a rigged shotgun that shoots confetti at the opener.
I'd make the door spring loaded so once it's unlocked, it springs open, and boom, confetti shotgun in your face.
ManInKilt · 14 points · Posted at 20:16:12 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A floppy disk.
They'll never be able to access it...
gnatyouagain · 7 points · Posted at 23:07:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Or an Iomega Jaz Disk.
sinder-wolf · 4 points · Posted at 01:50:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Am I the only one here that still has a computer with a floppy drive reader?
ManInKilt · 3 points · Posted at 02:11:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I do too! But that's not the point. It's going in a safe for when you're dead years from now.
3nvisi0n · 3 points · Posted at 01:53:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't know about that, the Staples near my home still sells a USB floppy disk reader. I imagine others do also.
And they are actually still used in some places, back in January I had to help recover data off a floppy that held lighting cues for a show that evening. The light board still used floppy.
ManInKilt · 2 points · Posted at 02:10:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But will they sell them in 80 some years? We're all forgetting that point
3nvisi0n · 3 points · Posted at 02:14:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
True, but you won't last that long ;)
But seriously, that is a fair point.
[deleted] · -2 points · Posted at 20:38:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
HAHAHAHAHA OMFG, SO FUNNY!
I mean, it is not like you can buy floppy disk drives nowadays, right?
HAHAHAHAHA.
ManInKilt · 9 points · Posted at 21:22:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Think about it. You can buy them,today. When I'm dead (with good health in another 80-90 years) the odds of those being around are slim to none.
Really hurts to think things over, doesn't it? Big struggle for you?
chunkatuff · 1 points · Posted at 09:41:35 on September 21, 2015 · (Permalink)
They'll just use a 3D printer to print out a floppy disk drive, or some other method of extracting the information. Maybe an AI will give it a look over, and just realize the information contained within. I just don't think it will really keep anyone out in such a long time from now.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 20:57:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hell, why not go the whole hog and make it a Betamax?
ManInKilt · 3 points · Posted at 21:23:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Good call
Thrackerz0d · 11 points · Posted at 19:28:23 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
My internet history, printed out and put in a nice clear plastic binder
IEatOldPeople · 4 points · Posted at 20:17:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bag of mutilated penises.
IPyro17 · 5 points · Posted at 00:43:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A letter that says, "Check the other safe. We moved all the valuables into it to consolidate." and not have another safe anywhere.
shovelhooker · 5 points · Posted at 01:25:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A scrapbook of missing persons posters.
RomanPardee · 5 points · Posted at 02:32:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key with the note "if you can find it, it's all yours"
just_learning_ · 4 points · Posted at 02:33:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A name partially etched into the back wall of the safe
RedSquadala5 · 5 points · Posted at 03:09:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A DVD of Dude, Where's my Car? with a sticky note that says "Out of milk"
yungtrike · 6 points · Posted at 04:00:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That embarrassing picture from the Christmas party!
newcaravan · 5 points · Posted at 14:00:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A very expensive wedding ring that is engraved with "To Steve, my beloved now and forever." I'm a straight male, and we just got gay marriage legalized. My family would have so many questions.
----0---- · 8 points · Posted at 19:55:56 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
6 candled wrapped in brown paper and an old fashioned alarm clock all tied together with a red and blue wire.
ElNutimo · 16 points · Posted at 19:18:38 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your family's heads.
Honeeblood · 8 points · Posted at 23:06:55 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nothing but a crude drawing of a ferret.
factionguy · 5 points · Posted at 22:09:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Condoms and pudding, They'll never understand.
Budakang · 4 points · Posted at 22:12:52 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Passport and currency for 17 different nations.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 23:40:42 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Cast mold of your penis if you are a male
mfigueiredo · 4 points · Posted at 23:42:32 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Only a key inside, on a wooden and velvet box. No hints, no clues.
JulietJulietLima · 4 points · Posted at 23:55:01 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
My friend's aunt died last month. She was a foul old witch. Bad hoarder, to boot. They found a safe in her house. Some guy at the estate sale opened it for them.
Porn. Bunches of porn. And what was described to me as "an apparatus." That safe has replaced all the contents of my nightmares.
peon2 · 5 points · Posted at 00:05:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just one piece of paper. Only thing on it is the combination to the locked safe.
Top_Wop · 4 points · Posted at 00:15:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Leave a key and a note that says "here's the key to the safe deposit box, spend the money as you wish." Of course, don't leave any bank's name.
Stealthy_Bird · 4 points · Posted at 00:19:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An elaborate hoax. I write note written in some fake language that I made up that is vaguely based on ancient languages. Then draw some weird symbols and shit with pictures of aliens and whatever.
Not only will I mess with my family's heads, I will baffle conspiracy theorists all over the world.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 00:32:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key. It doesn't actually open anything, but they'll be left to wonder what it opens, and why the key had to be stored in a safe.
Myexbff · 5 points · Posted at 00:41:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a single, spent bullet casing.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 00:51:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
inb4 another safe
sirbeast · 4 points · Posted at 00:59:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
To start, a cat skeleton and a Chinese cookbook
chase_the_conqueror · 5 points · Posted at 01:03:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note book with random names written on it and cross some of them out.
MoonLiteNite · 3 points · Posted at 01:05:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
you got the only good one on here...
chase_the_conqueror · 2 points · Posted at 01:28:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thanks
fried_eggs_and_ham · 3 points · Posted at 01:36:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would get in the safe, close it, and commit suicide. That would probably fuck them up a bit when they opened it after days...weeks...months...maybe years of searching for me after I mysteriously disappeared.
endou15 · 4 points · Posted at 01:38:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Be a male, be 100% straight, own a dildo.
MorningCrisps · 4 points · Posted at 01:40:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A tiny box filled with clipped fingernails and toenails.
TheShadowCat · 5 points · Posted at 01:48:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A treasure map in a made up language.
Redditadminsrbad · 5 points · Posted at 02:10:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
a locked safe inside the safe with naked pictures of myself holding a bible some soap on a roap a large knife a list of random names and a message stating that payments have been received.
Starlite85 · 6 points · Posted at 02:17:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Gotta go the Dexter route with a book full of locks of hair. Each of them numbered. At the back is a map with several X's and a corresponding number.
sp_dev_guy · 5 points · Posted at 02:19:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A big old timey key
jdemmett · 3 points · Posted at 02:54:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My grandma left a furby and her silver snuff can in her safety deposit box at the bank before she passed away.
Vallatus_Hydram · 5 points · Posted at 03:02:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A picture of you with another family. On the back label it with names of the children then mom and dad.
irock168 · 5 points · Posted at 04:28:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe.
kay_bizzle · 2 points · Posted at 04:29:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yo dawg
irock168 · 2 points · Posted at 04:32:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And then in the last safe, there's gonna be an ikea flat pack safe.
kay_bizzle · 1 points · Posted at 04:38:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
But it's missing one wooden peg.
LadyGaladriel123 · 4 points · Posted at 05:46:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
A note reading:
Sam, Dean, I don't have much time. He has an angel blade. I fear it is the end for me. This vessel was a hunter, so I know she would want a proper hunter's funeral. Salted and burned, as is traditional. I will try to hold him off, but it is likely I will not survive. Dean: Please, do not waste your life mourning my passing. Just try to live. Grieve, but do not allow it to get in the way of your happiness. I love you. Sam: Make sure that your brother can move on. I just want him to be happy. -Castiel
And then there's a half-drawn Devil's Trap, and right in the middle of it, all that's left of me is a bloody trenchcoat.
Lezin410 · 6 points · Posted at 05:46:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of fake paperwork for accounts in the Cayman Islands under your name.. They'll spend eternity lookin for that shit.
lucid__dream · 4 points · Posted at 06:01:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your reddit username and password
Adrewmc · 4 points · Posted at 07:14:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Two steel keys, not the normal kind but a very specific kind.
The would have labels on them: "NORAD nuclear missile command."
With an ID card with my face on it saying similar.
Happy_Bucket · 4 points · Posted at 07:35:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Donut, donut holes, super glue.
oboron · 4 points · Posted at 07:44:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The combination to the safe
iowabeans · 2 points · Posted at 07:59:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I laughed so hard
Craysion · 1 points · Posted at 09:11:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Best answer here lol
ashgeek · 3 points · Posted at 11:08:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Easy ... another smaller safe. No key.
And in that another smaller safe, like russian dolls :)
Eventually there would be a small lockbox, with a thumbdrive. Encrypted, naturally.
Finally the thumbdrive would contain a single small text file, with a the url to the infamous original Safe post on Reddit.
That is all :)
skullkid250 · 4 points · Posted at 11:58:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An unmarked key, after years of research my beloved family shall discover the key opens the very safe it was acquired from.
nekowolf · 4 points · Posted at 13:57:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hundreds of other people's driver's licenses going back 40 years.
lsdinc · 5 points · Posted at 14:31:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
just lots of family photos of a different family. Just of some random family somewhere else. Another race also, just to really fuck with them.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 19:10:17 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fresh mackerel.
TicklesMcFancy · 6 points · Posted at 19:12:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Fresh"
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 19:13:15 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
It won't stay fresh for long! And that's when it starts to mess with their heads!
TicklesMcFancy · 3 points · Posted at 19:15:16 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Do you just always leave the fish in there? Or do you sneak it in on your death bed?
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 19:16:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hrm, I'd likely ask a close friend I trust to do it for me...without telling anyone.
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 19:23:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Hey, bro, we've known each other for a long time and I'm going to die soon. I need you to do me a favor..."
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 19:26:32 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sounds like a setting for a TV series....
cornfedpig · 3 points · Posted at 19:51:30 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Leave a key inside an envelope with a random acronym written on it.
YourCurvyGirlfriend · 3 points · Posted at 20:11:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe, or a map of Dracula's castle and some gumballs
Hellssponge · 3 points · Posted at 20:53:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A very large, difficult to open safe will garner more curiosity than any item ever could.
WolvesPWN · 3 points · Posted at 00:35:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Then have nothing inside besides a cumbox. It'll be somewhat disappointing.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 20:55:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A faked up frontpage from 20 years in the future.
doctor98614 · 3 points · Posted at 23:13:51 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Then have lots of big info on it like: "HITLER NOT DEAD?" "(Your Surname) FAMILY DIES OUT?"
Random_Link_Roulette · 3 points · Posted at 21:07:02 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single Grenade
Turtledonuts · 3 points · Posted at 23:51:33 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single Gatorade
bogmansaha · 1 points · Posted at 09:40:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single Gay-Parade
Vodis · 3 points · Posted at 21:24:51 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A book of spells written in a made up language using your own blood as ink. Necronomicon meets Voynich manuscript meets Blood Qur'an. Besides messing with your family's heads, it would have the added benefit of being totally metal.
delicateanodyne · 3 points · Posted at 21:34:12 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bloody knife.
Cubby_Denk · 3 points · Posted at 21:46:00 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single key.
JOHNOLIVER2016 · 3 points · Posted at 21:46:57 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A piece of paper that says "Enrique must be stopped."
NativeNazi · 3 points · Posted at 00:22:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just wait for him to die, you'll get a new heir
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 21:46:59 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A paper with a set of coordinates and a quote/passage, making it seem like something is hidden there.
halfmanhalfvan · 3 points · Posted at 21:53:26 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Tampax, a Rey Mysterio mask and a Waterboys album.
dekket · 3 points · Posted at 21:56:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Several bags of blood. Not yours. They'll be scratching their heads for quite a while.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 22:00:30 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cryptogram that is utter nonsense (but make it well enough that there is some pattern to it) that is attached to another piece of paper that says, "Come here to follow the truth. Ingest the strips Before your arrival."
Problem119V-0800 · 3 points · Posted at 22:03:36 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A few gold coins struck with a year in the future and my face on them. For extra yuks make them radioactive.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 22:07:07 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Instead of figuring out some clever trick to mess them up after you die, just mess them up in person before!
...
With a knife!
baskura · 3 points · Posted at 22:12:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A flesh light
ndguardian · 3 points · Posted at 22:13:30 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A set of coordinates, some hair clippings in a plastic bag, and a note that says "When the time is right, you'll know what to do."
Maybebaybe · 3 points · Posted at 22:17:12 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I have a picture of a newborn baby on a flash drive and an ultrasound photo in my bank box for just such an occasion.
Laniatus · 3 points · Posted at 22:22:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A different family tree with yourself added into it somewhere.
PanamaMoe · 3 points · Posted at 22:23:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A picture of your self and another man who looks exactly like you, or a shopped photo with 2 of you in it, and a short paragraph about how your twin brother is evil and must be stopped. Include a journal detailing every evil thing your brother tried and how you stopped him. The journal can end one of two ways, number one being that he replaced you, number two being that you killed him.
Bonus points if you include some guns (maybe a bonus locker with more), a very large knife (think Rambo style Bowie knife), and memorabilia from when you stoped your brother.
If you are a good author then they can publish it and then you have just given them guns, some cool memorabilia from around the world, or at least the country, and a good book that can publish and provide some extra cash for them.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 22:26:03 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A small wooden box with vials of blood and a bag of used condoms with pictures of of people who look like Jennifer Lawrence. At the bottom of the box there's a map with a random point in the mountains drawn in and a note that says "she's waiting".
frachris87 · 3 points · Posted at 22:31:55 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note reading "Close the door, and you all die."
he_who_melts_the_rod · 3 points · Posted at 22:38:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nothing but a bong
clackedup · 3 points · Posted at 22:38:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A video tape of Jared Fogel changing in a dressing room.
metalhead1999 · 3 points · Posted at 22:39:11 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
a photograph of hitler with a fake R Kelly signature on it
Fukkthisgame · 3 points · Posted at 22:40:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A frozen dead badger.
banandarin · 3 points · Posted at 22:48:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'd leave them the rarest of pepes and of course a detailed explanation of how Bush did 9/11 including fake blueprints, recipe for explosives and of course a photoshopped picture of me with Bush and Bin Laden planning it all out
stupidgregg · 3 points · Posted at 22:57:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A chicken salad sandwich and an intricate wooden box with a key in it.
Fluffeh_Mtg_Kitteh · 3 points · Posted at 23:00:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A very large Dildo with a babydoll head attached to the tip; double points if it's standing straight up on a trophy base with "First Place!" on the plate.
EchoOfNoise · 3 points · Posted at 23:05:07 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Combine all the fake ID stuff.
L0ngp1nk · 3 points · Posted at 23:07:47 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
There is currently a photo of some kid behind my dishwasher. I found this out when I had to do some maintenance and ended up pulling it out from under the cabinet. Scared the shit out of me when I found it because I wasn't expecting it. I'm assuming it was the one of the previous owners grandkids. I left it there to mess with the next guy that owns this house.
CBate · 3 points · Posted at 23:10:54 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A wedding ring with a picture of a stranger
FunC00ker · 3 points · Posted at 23:16:52 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fake passports and IDs, gun, and a large amount of cash.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 23:20:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A photo of me with a bloody knife in an old building.
xompeii · 3 points · Posted at 23:41:37 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
since, they're all super conservative christians, I think a few satanist guides, a wican spell book, some slightly used black candles, and a spell bag would be great.
IcemanofEA · 3 points · Posted at 23:44:01 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Preperation H and the finger glove that goes with it
Naf7 · 3 points · Posted at 23:51:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe. Containing a navigational device leadong to another safe with another safe within.
foxafraidoffire · 3 points · Posted at 23:53:41 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your own death certificate, with correct Date of Death, and signed by the same judge present in the room as you open the safe.
AlbiTargaryen · 3 points · Posted at 23:58:08 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
My uncle has a lead bar covered in gold leaf in his safe.
Curmudgeonrose7 · 3 points · Posted at 00:00:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note saying "hauudhebudkevevcjs wkwhgs ajshsh susiwjwnsnjdoxo jaishsjajja jsiskswn"
Screen_Watcher · 3 points · Posted at 00:05:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A lovely collection of dildos
fuzzyglory · 3 points · Posted at 00:10:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A lonely spider
CarmakazieCthulhu · 3 points · Posted at 00:11:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A long list of GPS coordinates. If mapped out all at once, they form an image of dickbutt.
FuzzyWazzyWasnt · 3 points · Posted at 00:17:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Name tags (1 for each of the family members) and a key attached to each tag.
shandromand · 3 points · Posted at 00:24:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cigarette skewered with one of those tiny plastic sabres and smeared with a little blood. Label it voodoo doll.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 00:25:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Boner Jams '03
Douglastho · 3 points · Posted at 00:26:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A magnum condom full of coins.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 00:32:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Russian nesting safes.
wastedurtime · 3 points · Posted at 00:37:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A map with random x's marked all over the place.
JoeyDubbs · 3 points · Posted at 00:37:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
All my gold! My precious, precious, reddit gold!
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 00:49:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A smaller safe and instructions to post to reddit about it
GimpedNinja · 3 points · Posted at 00:51:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A list of friends and family members with "People to kill" written at the top and any body who is dead scratched out
puterwise13 · 3 points · Posted at 00:55:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your family's heads
Main_man_mike · 3 points · Posted at 00:55:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A grenade with the pin welded to the door of the safe.
liquidprostate · 3 points · Posted at 00:56:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 00:56:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A used condom in a glass container and on the outside is a note saying, "The biggest mistake of my life".
chewedgummiebears · 3 points · Posted at 00:56:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One of those tiny tops from the movie Inception.
Curioucity- · 3 points · Posted at 01:02:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Blood samples like on Dexter to make you look like a serial killer.
adrunkmonkey · 3 points · Posted at 01:05:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
keys to a random apartment across town like this and let their mind run with it.
S_T_McNally · 3 points · Posted at 01:08:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
an extremely complicated puzzle box with a small silver pocket watch inside with co-ordinates to a remote island engraved on it.
Super_C_Complex · 3 points · Posted at 01:16:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm actually planning something like this. I'm collecting bottle caps. Lots of them. I figure I have another 50 solid years to build my collection. I'm going to have a storage locker and make occasional trips to add to the collection. I'm then going to store the addendum to my will in the storage shed as well, (and with a lawyer who is in on the joke), and my will is going to read that my children will only inherit the storage shed and that the shed has an addendum to my will with instructions on how to divide my estate among charity (which is something I would actually consider if my kids are well off).
They'll get there and it's just going to be piles upon piles of bottle caps. Hundreds of thousands. Just so many. I'm going to have friends in on the joke adding to my collection. Then there is going to be ONE box. It's also going to be full of bottlecaps, but will have a partially exposed will in it. The will is going to tell them that they get my estate per stirpes and that I love them and this is the last joke I wanted to play on them.
Not exactly a WTF item, just a WTF plan
smjogrady · 3 points · Posted at 01:16:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun with one bullet and a single cigarette.
jake113 · 3 points · Posted at 01:17:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pair of original Hulk Hands and a sterling silver locket containing a photo of John Stamos
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 01:20:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A list of secrets and confessions. I guarantee they'll be shocked.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 01:21:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe.
greenbuggy99 · 3 points · Posted at 01:24:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a jar with a brain inside with a with a USB sticking out labeled hitter. when plugged in to a computer it uses a Nazi version of cleverbot
MaybeNotStig · 3 points · Posted at 01:25:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My mom's friend's father had one of these in real life... but it wasn't a prank.
He was within his last days in the hospital and his daughter(My mom's friend) was getting something from his house and found a box in his closet. She looked in the box and was frozen with confusion. It was pictures of her dad, in woman's clothing... and a wig... with other men in women's clothing... and wigs. These pictures weren't from his college days as a gag, they were recent and sincere. She asked him about it and he told her everything, he was on his deathbed, might as well.
His wife had passed a few years prior, he always felt trapped in his body. He said he was happiest in his life during these last years being able to be himself with others who shared his orientation. He could never come out because he would be shunned and shamed in his town.
When he passed his daughter found the boxes of women's clothing he wore in the attic.
CatsPabstNvideogames · 3 points · Posted at 01:27:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A well preserved monkey paw with two broken fingers and a note telling everyone to never lay claim to the paw or bad luck will follow.
chickengun99 · 3 points · Posted at 17:17:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is the second one of these I've seen. What's it a reference to?
CatsPabstNvideogames · 1 points · Posted at 00:20:31 on September 17, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's based off of a short story by W. W. Jacobs in 1902 called "The Monkey's Paw". The paw grants three wishes to the holder but each wish comes with a terrible price.
rinnip · 3 points · Posted at 01:28:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A deposit box key with no bank ID attached. It'll drive 'em nuts.
RuneAngel · 3 points · Posted at 01:29:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note saying, "lol" and nothing else.
mohrt · 3 points · Posted at 01:31:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Photograph of a jar of gold coins, and a really scribbled map.
Zardif · 3 points · Posted at 01:31:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A human skull with kisses in lipstick on its mouth.
PlaceboJesus · 3 points · Posted at 01:34:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You know those realistic anatomical skeletons? Can you get them in newborn infant sizes?
What would it take to make it look like a mummified infant? Or an homunculus floating in fluid inside a seamless glass vessel.
mrsparil · 3 points · Posted at 01:34:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A handwritten note containing GPS coordinates to a random field in Europe and the sentence "You're welcome."
Paddington_Fear · 3 points · Posted at 01:35:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
pee jar
meowmixmeowmix123 · 3 points · Posted at 01:36:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Half a flipflop.
faleboat · 3 points · Posted at 01:37:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If you really wanna drive them mad, a single usb drive, with a 2MB encrypted file on it, titled "Accounts."
bunsofcheese · 3 points · Posted at 01:38:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a ziplock bag filled with lard and a bit of baby oil, then get a label made that looks like it came from Nasa and the word "Positive" in big red letters after "test results".
Wolfie_Ecstasy · 3 points · Posted at 01:40:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't know but my Bad Dragon toys might confuse some of my family. All of my friends know about them, but none of my family, lol.
ConstipatedNinja · 3 points · Posted at 01:43:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A maltese falcon.
abruce123412 · 3 points · Posted at 01:46:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My collection of rare pepes (I'm being serious)
rinse97 · 3 points · Posted at 01:50:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Porn.
nate800 · 3 points · Posted at 01:54:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of tarps, rubber gloves, coat hangers and notes on performing late-term abortions.
Spork_Warrior · 3 points · Posted at 01:56:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Mel: Thanks for picking up the diamonds and gold early to give them to my family."
KevJ927 · 3 points · Posted at 01:58:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
another safe
hmscoachhardin · 2 points · Posted at 02:21:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
...with no clue on what the combination is to open it, and a ticking clock on it. No real reason for the timer, but just there for fun.
nextxoxexit · 3 points · Posted at 02:04:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A frozen sperm sample/ frozen egg.
GermanBeanSprouts · 3 points · Posted at 02:09:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A severed head
supersauce · 3 points · Posted at 02:12:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think a kid's head would work.
JosephND · 3 points · Posted at 02:12:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A thumb drive.
Loaded on it is a .rar and a .txt file. The txt leads your family on a promising trip to get some crazy award.. Like a list of coordinates to a buried lockbox of money and deeds (all tucked away in the rar). Mention that the password is impossible to crack because it's like a bunch of symbols and shit.
The .rar is full of pictures of Nicholas Cage's face photoshopped onto lingerie models. All but one. A photo of a Nic from National Treasure. Put GPS coordinates on it that lead to some random place in an obscure country you've visited.
There will be an actual lockbox at that location, and inside of it.. A thumb drive.
Dr_Hix · 3 points · Posted at 02:12:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sphere of Annihilation.
thatsAgood1jay · 3 points · Posted at 02:14:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun, about 10,000 in smaller bills, a passport with fake name and persona, and a prepaid ticket to guatamala.
Kirgomosa · 3 points · Posted at 02:14:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single note that says Virginia.
sawcygardnerboi · 3 points · Posted at 02:21:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A list of coordinates leading to absolutely nothing
EXAX · 3 points · Posted at 02:34:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A family photo with all their heads cropped out
OM_funkenstein · 3 points · Posted at 02:39:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Bible that the first four pages have been ripped out of. Tucked in the cover is a list of four codenames. Three have been crossed out. Also, an envelope with the fourth name written on it. Inside the envelope is one of the missing pages from the bible with a black spot on it.
Nappy2fly · 2 points · Posted at 03:19:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This was a plot of a movie...
just_learning_ · 3 points · Posted at 02:40:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Say we'll always have Dec. 4, 2007 or some other insignificant date between you and any of your family members
Aizure · 3 points · Posted at 02:45:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My dick
Edit: my girl said a key to another safe
polot38 · 3 points · Posted at 02:48:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A charred letter addressed "To my one true love".
just_learning_ · 3 points · Posted at 02:48:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A letter telling your family to find a reddit thread that asks what should be put in a safe to mess with your family after your death so your family can award the winner
Wumbsy · 3 points · Posted at 02:48:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Cum box
Mithrandir_Earendur · 3 points · Posted at 02:53:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single pack of Pink Ping Pong Balls.
texastoasty · 3 points · Posted at 03:07:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
your families heads.
tunersharkbitten · 3 points · Posted at 03:12:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Get a bunch of dossiers of fake people and have planned out hits on them. Make a bunch of detailed scenarios of which they are going to be killed.
bbartolotta · 3 points · Posted at 03:16:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Get a big safe and put a dragon dildo with a bunch of other odd sex toys in it.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 03:25:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe.
naonintendois · 5 points · Posted at 03:28:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Without a combination...
GUY-WHICH-LAUGHS · 3 points · Posted at 03:26:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a head
inevitablesky · 3 points · Posted at 03:38:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Some people just want to watch the world burn.
Richer_Times · 3 points · Posted at 03:42:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Random spy stuff for yourself and 3 other people.
atvz · 3 points · Posted at 03:48:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A box within a box within a box within a box within a box that contains a key that opens the front door
Shadow_Death · 3 points · Posted at 03:52:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A partially eaten sandwich.
richardec · 3 points · Posted at 03:56:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Keys to a car they will never find with instructions to look for a briefcase of money in the trunk.
iostefini · 3 points · Posted at 03:56:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A newspaper clipping of a totally innocent event that I'm completely uninvolved in. Like maybe "Firefighters spread fire safety message in schools" from a newspaper in an area I've never been to (e.g. some non-capital city in the USA, because I'm Australian). Bonus points for highlighting random phrases - "teaching students to stop, drop, and roll", or making it look like I've held and read over the article several times.
purpurrido · 3 points · Posted at 04:03:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
foreign currency in a language that doesn't belong to any currency on this earth. "See you soon" a map with no labels, an english to (gibberish) travel guide, things like "where is the bathroom?" (insert translation in made up script and language) and various paraphernalia hinting that I've gone to another dimension.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 04:05:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your families heads...
Done up like this.
youforgotmybriefcase · 3 points · Posted at 04:09:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Truck balls. And a dildo.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 04:38:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My Grandfather's bloodstained 5 krohn note he took home from world war 2. A gun and a lot of (fake) test tubes labeled I. Tremulin Supervirus.
aedansblade36 · 3 points · Posted at 04:49:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Suspended in amber, my left testicle preserved to immortality and a note saying "If possible to extract, use to make clones."
torreneastoria · 3 points · Posted at 05:04:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Jewelry, a gun, money, all the various stuff that I need to keep safe and a hand.
EdaciousE · 3 points · Posted at 05:12:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A copy of the film Soylent Green
TommyyyGunsss · 3 points · Posted at 05:39:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A box of semen
midnightauro · 3 points · Posted at 05:44:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I will write letters every year for everyone, including someone fictional. I will not make it clear he isn't real and when they crack it open to try to discover who the mystery man is, they will find an elaborate love letter. Only when they attempt to discover his full identity on the holonet will they know. Or that particular side character will be so obscure, the next family genealogist will talk about grandma's affair.
Or my husband will outlive me, and die laughing.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 05:46:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
minastirith1 · 3 points · Posted at 05:50:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A smaller safe.
xVoodoux · 3 points · Posted at 06:10:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Remember the Bourne Identity, when he gets that safety deposit box with the gun and money and passports, etc? That. With random fake emails from supposed officials detailing assignments and whatnot.
ProfessorStronzo · 3 points · Posted at 06:15:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Jason Bourne safety deposit box. Cash, multiple passports, and a gun.
byrd798 · 3 points · Posted at 06:17:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Flash drive labeled 576752 bitcoins. And completely corrupted data is on it.
swindlewick · 3 points · Posted at 06:24:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A porn magazine with all the heads replaced by hastily taped head shots of John Travolta
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 07:22:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would disappear in the night and leave clues to a scavenger hunt, which would eventually lead to my dead body.
ArletApple · 3 points · Posted at 07:40:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
i don't know about WTF, but if you just want to mess with them then get a gun safe and put a smaller safe in that, then maybe an even smaller safe inside that safe.
im_from_detroit · 3 points · Posted at 08:02:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Shia Surprise.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 08:11:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If Payday has taught me anything it is that you should store your cheese toasties in safes.
Lord_of_the_Dance · 3 points · Posted at 08:40:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dragon dildo
Fenr-i-r · 3 points · Posted at 09:05:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A diary with details every day on your plans to kill them, each day a new plan or continuation of one. Bonus points for weapons in the safe as well.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 09:13:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A photoshopped picture of me in middle-eastern dress drinking tea with Osama Bin Laden and George W. Bush.
Procrast_Terminate · 3 points · Posted at 09:25:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would make this whole quest thing, revisit my greatest moments and my lowest days, all to find clues to this one hidden vault that contains my darkest secrets and my best memories, they're have to figure out a really complex code to get in, and when they got into it, all they'd find is "Fuckin' smartass."
SuperMike1996 · 3 points · Posted at 09:34:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Stained underwear
HardcoreHazza · 3 points · Posted at 10:10:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A map to the location of all the dragon balls.
jai_kasavin · 3 points · Posted at 10:54:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bees... because fuck you
captf · 3 points · Posted at 11:40:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A countdown clock, already ticking down to a completely random date in the future.
Thatsnowconeguy · 3 points · Posted at 12:02:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
A note that asks:
"Why the fuck are you looking in my safe, huh?"
Teh1nternetPerv · 3 points · Posted at 12:04:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
1 really old looking dollar bill of some other currency and I bunch of maps and really I'd just like to send someone on a wild goose-chase. Maybe I'd actually go and bury something. Like that parody comic of The Shawshank Redemption.
drafterman · 3 points · Posted at 12:14:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Key or password to nothing.
PM_ME_BIGGER_BOOBS · 3 points · Posted at 12:20:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A self carved bloody wooden dildo
ButtsexEurope · 3 points · Posted at 12:38:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A dildo.
Freihl · 3 points · Posted at 13:20:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A canister of highly pressurised laughing gas that fills the room (put the safe in a small room) and a fucking shit ton of hand sized but harmless spiders.
Bonus points for installing an automated lock on the safe room door which locks on closing for 5 minutes.
Dunno why but it would definitely fuck with em
B0h1c4 · 3 points · Posted at 13:23:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I came up with this idea in another thread like this a few months back...
I would leave a letter apologizing that I was able to make a substantial amount of money in the stock market and selfishly did not share it with my family. Instead, I maintained a warehouse full of priceless cars. I would ask them to be careful in finding the right buyer for each car and ensure they get a fair price. Especially for the Ferrari Daytona and Ford GT40.
Then I would include keys to the warehouse and a bunch of authentic keys from Lamborghini, Pagani, Bentley, Rolls Royse, etc.
But I neglect to provide an address of this warehouse.
Granted, I would have to spend a large amount of money just getting the keys, but it would still be pretty awesome. My family would live out their lives thinking they were the heir to an enormous automotive fortune and just hoping they will be able to discover it at some point.
Of course this would spur a deep investigation into all of my belongings which will reveal embarrassing sex toys, pornography, and every skeleton in my closet... So it may have a downside.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:20:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It doesn't matter, you're dead anyway.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 13:35:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nothing. Just claw marks on the inside.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 14:18:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
After a hour, another system inside the safe shall release a small note that reads "i got you good eh?"
airlew · 3 points · Posted at 14:25:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Located in a watchbox with all my personal affacts in my chest of drawers is a little baggy of the Blue Meth rock candy from Breaking Bad. That ought freak someone out.
titsmcgahee · 3 points · Posted at 16:09:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A rogue apostrophe.
Thunderl1ps · 3 points · Posted at 16:45:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A handful of random newspaper articles all about missing people.
Idkwthiam · 3 points · Posted at 17:11:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Decorate the inside of the safe like a gingerbread house, then in the middle of the safe leave a didlo suction cupped to the floor of the safe with an ice pick sticking into the tip and a picture of Alphonso Riviera taped to the shaft.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 17:37:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A piece of paper that says :
"Switzerland $7600000
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"
shantzcd · 3 points · Posted at 17:57:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The pinwheel from Inception.
TalonX1982 · 3 points · Posted at 20:05:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A thumb drive with about 5000 images and videos of everything from kiddie porn to horse sex.
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 20:42:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
kibaxyru · 3 points · Posted at 23:01:53 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's ok he's already dead
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:32:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just the one?
atvz · 2 points · Posted at 03:45:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Probably both
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:47:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not if op is kill
Johnhaven · 5 points · Posted at 23:44:40 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Maybe not my family but after all of these safe openings on Reddit over the last few years I've thought about what would be funny to leave behind. Maybe something incredibly difficult to open, followed by an incredibly difficult to crack hard drive with nothing on it but a RickRoll.
chickengun99 · 1 points · Posted at 17:26:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is similar to my plan. Mine is to leave a note in the will, with a complicated set of clues taking you all over Reddit, following a switch-er-roo all the way to the end, only to find an abandoned subreddit that I've borrowed for this task, giving them clues leading to every vacation spot I've ever taken, with the last one leading them to the hidden panel inside the original safe. Inside the panel is another, smaller safe containing a balloon with a piece of paper inside. Upon popping said balloon, they will discover one line:
haha, you popped your balloon!
badger_989 · 7 points · Posted at 19:10:42 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Naked baby pictures of yourself
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 19:10:52 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A circumcised foreskin.
Guttlesswonder · 14 points · Posted at 19:55:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I want to see someone leave an uncircumcised foreskin.
idislikeapple · 3 points · Posted at 19:44:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Gaylord Focker's
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 19:22:01 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
PanamaMoe · 6 points · Posted at 22:11:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bonus if it is pictures of the house that the family lives in.
lespaulstrat2 · 4 points · Posted at 22:30:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
If the safe is big enough, leave an old fashioned sled. The kind with metal runners and wooden slats.
chafedinksmut · 5 points · Posted at 23:30:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
The skeleton of a baby with a note that reads, "I'm SO sorry." XD
dulcetdreamer · 5 points · Posted at 23:56:21 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
The replies to this thread make me excited for death.
Apex_Over_Lord · 4 points · Posted at 02:28:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Small box with assortment of keys a random address on the box and the words "DO NOT GO HERE!!"
Notebook with random jargon and drawings.
Cassette with writing that says do not play me
A severed bear paw, still fresh to add to the wtf factor.
A napkin that has a drawing and math problems, "teleportion confirmed!"
ScootaliciousScooter · 7 points · Posted at 19:11:57 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A dildo with brown paint on the tip.
munive · 11 points · Posted at 19:42:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fuck it! Let's use shit, real shit, you just have to pock a turd.
ScootaliciousScooter · 4 points · Posted at 19:44:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Up for it.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:02:35 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A vague treasure map akin to Forrest Fenn's. Mine would just be full of gibberish and lead to nothing.
Terox15 · 2 points · Posted at 20:02:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
An old bottle of bourbon and an extremely vague treasure map intended for someone else
Bigr789 · 2 points · Posted at 20:03:49 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A surprisingly clean gag-ball.
AppleDane · 2 points · Posted at 20:08:52 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your own head.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:44:22 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
a corpse
Beastrik · 2 points · Posted at 21:28:19 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake spellbook filled with gibberish.
DiCK_WITH_TIME · 2 points · Posted at 21:28:54 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fleshlight alongside stained, suggestive pictures of horses with fabulous manes...or photoshopped wigs, whichever. Glutes in frame too
Choekaas · 2 points · Posted at 21:32:01 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A blender is nice to mess up a couple of heads
Dudemanbrosirguy · 2 points · Posted at 21:41:49 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Leave it completely empty, except for a note telling them to post it to reddit.
jambagz · 3 points · Posted at 22:08:10 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
And tell them to contact madcotto
Dudemanbrosirguy · 2 points · Posted at 23:57:03 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
:)
-DisobedientAvocado- · 2 points · Posted at 21:57:50 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note instructing them to post the safe in reddit for karma.
Evan_4 · 2 points · Posted at 21:59:24 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
You gotta go all Bourne identify with the safe. Have a big ass safe with like a gold watch on top then under it have a removable bottom with TONS of different currency, a bunch of passports (in different names, with different pictures of you with different hairstyles and hair colors) and your trusty black handgun. Bonus points if you put what ever else a secret agent would have in their fake bottom'd safe. Here's a picture from the Bourne Identify that shows how Jason Bourne's safe Link
P.S. Extra bonus points if your safe is at the NICEST bank in your city. It would make your family think wtf is he a spy or something.
Supahvaporeon · 2 points · Posted at 22:25:58 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'm suprised nobody mentioned this bastard.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:26:20 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
PM_ME_UR_MAGIKARPS · 3 points · Posted at 00:58:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
'Sandwich
AceValentine · 2 points · Posted at 22:35:45 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
My obituary with the date I died, and everyone else in the family's obituaries all with specific dates in the future.
Doctor_Murderstein · 2 points · Posted at 22:37:55 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
The instructions to finish my corpse reanimation machine.
APersonWhoIsReal · 2 points · Posted at 22:38:25 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
My own severed head and a note: "YOU'RE NEXT."
garion911 · 2 points · Posted at 22:39:20 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single piece of paper, with the following words:
"Joe did it"
Ardieh · 2 points · Posted at 22:42:48 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rope, candy and duct tape
RanOutofCookies · 2 points · Posted at 22:47:17 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Several urine samples labelled with different years. A series of old photographs (not digital) of abandoned homes with corresponding dates written on the back. A coded ledger that includes jibberish about these dates and others.
GDarolith · 2 points · Posted at 23:01:17 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bottle of Jaeger, and an entire ream of paper that has furry porn pictures.
belloch · 2 points · Posted at 23:16:02 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
This thread.
FoodChest · 2 points · Posted at 23:24:34 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key.
Muffinbassket · 2 points · Posted at 23:26:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another locked safe with no code
Pm_your_pink · 2 points · Posted at 23:42:56 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of those fake dolar bills churches print saying pass it on that all look like hundreds.
ScurvyJervy · 2 points · Posted at 23:47:29 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
a lamp shade and 3 pieces of toast
chaotic_mindset · 2 points · Posted at 23:49:54 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A dildo in a jar of pickles.
Shannonagannery · 2 points · Posted at 00:02:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Mr. Floppy.
lawrenceCottaege · 2 points · Posted at 00:08:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A small hat that has thousands of spider eggs in it. As to avenge me after they most likely kill me.
runelight · 2 points · Posted at 00:09:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nuclear launch codes.
Darkfire7812 · 2 points · Posted at 00:10:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A large Golden Chicken Nugget
ninja-robot · 2 points · Posted at 00:13:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A suitcase that glows when opened.
The_Atomic_Punk · 2 points · Posted at 00:14:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just the corners of several $1000 dollar bills, haha gotcha kids!
GioGImic · 2 points · Posted at 00:14:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Get a Dildo, Fleshlight, 2 Grams of coke, Map of the stars 1,000,000 in fake monopoly money and a coupon for chili's.
GioGImic · 3 points · Posted at 00:19:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
oh and one of those cap guns that look real.
spiritcrusher77 · 2 points · Posted at 00:15:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Domino's Pizza.
I_The_People · 2 points · Posted at 00:16:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A torn and incomplete map to nowhere in particular and an old looking key that isn't really to anything
ImSorryForWhatISaid · 2 points · Posted at 00:18:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a note with the combination to the "big safe" buried somewhere in the yard. The note does not say where it is location and the "big safe" does not exist.
Educated_Spam · 2 points · Posted at 00:20:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Labeled fingers of your 'victims' so you go out as some badass serial killer. Wait people don't like having a grandpop serial killer? Nvm.
kellydean1 · 2 points · Posted at 00:28:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A dildo, an unopened can of Friskies cat food, and a hypodermic syringe with needle.
F-R-E-A-K · 2 points · Posted at 00:29:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bread with cheese on it, a la Payday 2.
Apocalypse487x · 2 points · Posted at 00:37:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A used fleshlight
VanDriver1 · 2 points · Posted at 00:47:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An ounce of good weed and $5000.00
xGrass · 2 points · Posted at 00:48:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Only the dankest weed.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:53:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
I said nothing...
SirPuffufuf · 2 points · Posted at 00:55:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A smaller safe.
MuthaFuckasTookMyIsh · 2 points · Posted at 00:56:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A used condom?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:00:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A spider and a note saying "we did it, reddit!"
HotKarl_Marx · 2 points · Posted at 01:01:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fetus in a jar of formaldehyde.
thepaligator · 2 points · Posted at 01:05:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
On my deathbed I want to give a life insurance policy to some hot 17 year old girl, just some random girl. I would demand she shows up at the will reading. I would include a message to keep the secret that would be read aloud.
OracularLettuce · 2 points · Posted at 01:06:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another, slightly smaller safe.
narrowcock · 2 points · Posted at 01:07:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My family's heads
MooseManS · 2 points · Posted at 01:11:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My grandson walks in a huge safe, to discover solid gold CD labeled "the key to my riches". He opens it, puts it in his computer, and it's 5 hours of rickrolling. The twist? At exactly 4 hrs 20 min - 4 hrs 21 min, the coordinates and combination to my REAL riches are displayed.
Black_Handkerchief · 4 points · Posted at 01:53:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Could I recommend doing a voice-over instead? It's too easy to find written-out text since you'll find there are players have little thumbnails as you hover over the progress bars. A minute of carefully skimming over it would make the minute of displayed text be found rather easily. :)
MooseManS · 2 points · Posted at 02:16:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
How could I forget. I'd have to sync it up with Rick Astley's singing too.
Black_Handkerchief · 2 points · Posted at 02:35:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Voice differences aren't as easy to pick out when visualized in waveforms, as long as you keep to roughly the same volume. Of course, more detailed audio analysis could exist, but I don't think most people would quite take it that far.
not-legaladvice · 2 points · Posted at 01:13:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I was an estate attorney for a few years. Opening a safety deposit box was always a little like Christmas. You were hoping for stock certificates and titles to vehicles but that rarely was the case. Weirdest one was a huge safety deposit box for a client who was a bit of a hoarder. All that was in there were two collectible Budweiser beer steins. Worth a whopping $10 combined when researched on eBay. Her estate was worth around $4 million dollars. I hated that job.
ItsSansom · 2 points · Posted at 01:14:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A slightly smaller safe.
Analcreampiefantasy · 2 points · Posted at 01:17:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My excel spreadsheet ranking transexual prostitutes.
soopacee · 2 points · Posted at 01:22:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A mason jar of human hair
gtrays · 2 points · Posted at 01:28:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Giant realistic dildo.
Dingyfeathers · 2 points · Posted at 01:29:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Suicide note.
Shmelzco · 2 points · Posted at 01:38:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key. Just a random key that I find one day. No note with it. Send them on the most infuriating hunt for what it opens
RazorRush · 2 points · Posted at 01:39:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I left a note in a safe that was in a hotel room I stayed in once. I wrote. I know what you did. I know who you are. Soon I will know where you live. Sleep well.
Famixofpower · 2 points · Posted at 01:40:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The key to that safe. A few bricks to make said safe heavy.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:42:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Double headed dildo named Malcom
ObviousLobster · 2 points · Posted at 01:45:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single key with a little tag marked "Treasure" and nothing else.
dude_pirate_roberts · 2 points · Posted at 01:47:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Gay porn.
ToxicKrusader · 2 points · Posted at 02:02:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Blood. Nothing but blood. Everywhere.
eldeeder · 2 points · Posted at 02:05:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pound of ground beef...
linkman0596 · 2 points · Posted at 02:11:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Boxing glove on a spring, and a note that says "now you understand"
TheJester73 · 2 points · Posted at 02:24:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a banana
spook_filled_donuts · 2 points · Posted at 02:25:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a nickelback album
Bad-Science · 2 points · Posted at 02:31:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Clues to $1,000,000 in some off-shore bank or safe deposit box... but not QUITE enough info to figure out where.
NathanDickson · 2 points · Posted at 02:43:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One key. Nothing else.
bkone30 · 2 points · Posted at 02:46:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bloody knife and a half eaten klondike bar.
Pebblezcrwd · 2 points · Posted at 02:51:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
In your will, write that you kept something in your safe. Then quote Bentley and write "the combination has got to be 7-5-9" and when your family opens it, have that Sly Raccoon cutout sitting there
lobstertraper · 2 points · Posted at 02:51:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a pair of socks and a gameboy advance SP
just_learning_ · 2 points · Posted at 02:51:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An arrow on one sticky note pointing to another sticky note that has 'M'
BenovanStanchiano · 2 points · Posted at 03:05:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Easy. Fart in a jar.
pneumaPhytologist · 2 points · Posted at 03:10:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A well-used, heavily annotated adventurer's journal a la Nathan Drake written in French, with the last page being a final confession sorta message, written in English, in blood, with half of a treasure map attached and the last line being a clue on how to find the other half in the form of a rhyming couplet.
NycJP · 2 points · Posted at 03:16:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key
knucklesdotdot · 2 points · Posted at 03:19:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Clown costume and props.
BEZthePEZ · 2 points · Posted at 03:28:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A still vibrating dildo
ONE_BIG_BADASS · 2 points · Posted at 03:32:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cumbox
Thanosvsthor · 2 points · Posted at 03:35:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Some of my hair, some toe nail clipings, a used condom with a note saying "you know what to do"
DeathToCanadians · 2 points · Posted at 03:40:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My grandfather left 3 items. The deed to his house Marriage license Bottle of Jack Daniels
poohster33 · 2 points · Posted at 03:43:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Paper list. People I've killed. List of celebrities that died in strange circumstances.
DeathStrudel · 2 points · Posted at 03:44:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pick one member of your family and casually mention to them that you have a safe. When they ask what's in it, tell them "Listen... do not EVER... EVER... look in that safe, do you understand me? NEVER. Under ANY circumstances." Bring it up in the natural course of conversation every now and then and build up their curiosity to unbelievable levels. Then, when you die, don't mention the safe in your will. Undoubtedly the person you choose will volunteer to take the safe after the funeral.
When they finally crack it open, have a plaque in it, engraved with the words "(name of family member), I told you not to look!" Nothing else should be in the safe.
You'll go down in family history as the best prankster in the world.
sciencelabrador · 2 points · Posted at 03:48:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a horse dildo, a jar of relish, and exactly sixty four cents ,all delicately wrapped in separate sheets of baby pink tissue paper. along with your will, stating that these items are to go to [insert third favorite relative], and that plan 8 is initiated, they know what to do.
Jingy_ · 2 points · Posted at 03:49:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
1: A stack of cash, something like 5 or 10k (fake if you want to half ass it. real if you really want to sell the bit) (I suppose fake gold coins/bars might work instead)
2: A hand gun.
3: The best random "mysterious object" you can make/find (A little black box with buttons/lights and random electronics inside. A metal coin/amulet with gibberish markings on it. A fakely aged photo of you with a date far before your birth. Whatever.)
4: A note that says "If I'm dead then it means I failed. They will be coming for you next, you're not safe. Take this and run, NOW! I left everything you'll need to know in a safe deposit box at X bank in X".
5: A "safety deposit box" style key.
But here's the kicker, you need to find a bank somewhere that has recently burned down(or been destroyed any other way), and use that to fill in the "X"s of the note (you could also substitute a "bus/train station locker" key, instead of the bank box).
Now, you'll have to put some work into keeping this "up to date", Because if the "bank" was "destroyed" too long before your death, then surely you "would have found out and changed your plan/arrangements", so you'll have to keep updating the note so that it'll remain believable that even though it was destroyed before your death, you "just hadn't learned about it yet".
CaptainCerealCanada · 2 points · Posted at 03:49:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
what if i am not kill
moscowrules · 2 points · Posted at 03:54:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One key with a tag on it that says "Safe #2".
fauxscot · 2 points · Posted at 03:54:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note labeled "combination to the big safe with all they money" or wordsmithed version in the same vein.
Address book where the secret family lives..
Chronologically consistent photoshopped pix of you labelled "when i was a woman" or man, if you are currently not transgendered.
Something about the castle "Aaaaaaaarrrrrrgghhhhhhhh" and the most holy grail.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 03:56:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One of those hilarious looking California legal "featureless" AR-15 rifles.
I'm sure it would be confusing to see it flanked by a normal AR15 and a WASR10.
ij3k · 2 points · Posted at 04:02:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
/r/titlegore
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:03:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A severed human head
CreaturesFarley · 2 points · Posted at 04:07:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A security-box key with the box number crudely (but effectively) scratched off.
adjustments · 2 points · Posted at 04:10:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
There is no safe.
Have a section in your will detailing where the safe is hidden in your house (ex: behind the coats in the closet). Also, detail the contents of the safe (money, coins, gold, diamonds, Declaration of Independence, etc.).
Whoever is "gifted" the safe and its contents then go to the home to recover it.. and all that is there is a one cubic foot hole cut into the wall behind the coats. Now, you've got a crazy person wondering where the hell their riches are.
overtoke · 2 points · Posted at 04:11:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
the combination.
hardspank916 · 2 points · Posted at 04:12:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A piece of paper that says up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B,A,B,select, start
BiteYourOwnTongue · 2 points · Posted at 04:13:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One unopened diaper.
xanthippa · 2 points · Posted at 04:15:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A deck of Tarrot Cards with random markings added to them.
Bonus if your family saw you use said Tarrot cards in real life.
RobinBankss · 2 points · Posted at 04:15:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Timely inquiry
SergeantDude · 2 points · Posted at 04:18:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My family's heads.
quackers_82 · 2 points · Posted at 04:22:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fake passports from different countries in different names
Santoasts · 2 points · Posted at 04:27:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
So I've played the long con of not liking vegetables with my parents. Which was true until I met my girlfriend who made me eat them. My parents would tease me in the beginning of our relationships about her changing me. I would always just laugh it off, I lost weight, studied more often,etc. She always takes picture of me enjoying any salad she makes and threatens to show my parents when I annoy her. So I would leave a huge album of me enjoying all the veggies I never ate for them.
staypearly · 2 points · Posted at 04:28:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your reddit account info so they can see your subs or your porn stash. In my case both are the same.
Neondangel · 2 points · Posted at 04:33:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note to coordinate to a remote island in the pacific with the message "all the answers will be there"
marlwalker · 2 points · Posted at 04:37:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A few bars of gold painted lead. A bunch of pennies.
HungryPankake · 2 points · Posted at 05:45:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Better use tungsten as it's similar in weight to gold.
N8CCRG · 2 points · Posted at 04:39:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your family's heads.
Whiplash0409 · 2 points · Posted at 04:45:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A small middle aged Chinese man...who was actually some actor I paid. I would make him pretend he had no memory of the last 20 years, as if he'd just woken up then. See what they think of that.
pixlepize · 2 points · Posted at 04:49:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It would be a walk-in safe. The back of the safe would be a stone wall, with cement in the cracks holding the wall together and 1 stone obviously a bit looser than the others. In the safe would be 6 months supply of food and water, a lightbulb designed to last 6+ months, and a small metal spoon. As the person entered the safe, the door would close behind them and lock, trapping them inside as the lock fuses. After a few days the person would see that the only way out was to use the spoon to dig the mortar away from the looses block. After weeks of digging, they would finally break off enough mortar to pull the stone out, revealing a short gap followed by another stone, this one with fresh mortar. In the gap between the stones would be a shiny new spoon, and a note saying "hope is a wonderful thing".
VicRambo · 2 points · Posted at 04:50:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I always thought a pound of heroin and $3000 cash would do the trick.
ncaldera0491 · 2 points · Posted at 04:51:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bomb that detonates upon opening the safe.
EmersedCeaser · 2 points · Posted at 04:51:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A used condom!
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:57:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key and a blank piece of paper
leftysoweak · 2 points · Posted at 05:06:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A flash drive labelled 9/11 plans. With a note saying "find George. Knock twice." and lock the drive with a password only I'd know.
UseFinalDraft · 2 points · Posted at 05:08:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pair of magical gloves and a old leather-bound book on how to use them.
khalsa_fauj · 2 points · Posted at 05:10:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A list of your browser history
there-will-be-bears · 2 points · Posted at 05:19:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your own head.
_Loup_Garou_ · 2 points · Posted at 05:20:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A jar of toenail clippings
macksionizer · 2 points · Posted at 05:25:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a smaller safe with a note that says, "To be opened by your children, upon your death"
Cypher_Shadow · 2 points · Posted at 05:28:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single video tape labeled "Nicole Brown, security system backup -- June 12, 1994", A cancelled check from Robert Kardashian for 2 million dollars, and a contract stating that this tape will be destroyed.
If I'm feeling up to the task, the tape will have some very grainy footage of an OJ lookalike singing Never Gonna Give You Up.
LemonPledge14 · 2 points · Posted at 05:30:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A plain piece of paper.
Meykel · 2 points · Posted at 05:42:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Given insane resources I'd do something like this. In the back of the safe there should be a collection of notebooks. One per person in your household. Contained within these notebooks would be the most meticulously written out schedule of each individual persons daily routine,mixed with some slightly malicious notes sprinkled throughout the books. There should be so much information per person that the only explanation is that you had hired a crew of people to monitor everyone at all times. Because that's exactly what I did. Reading the books doesn't reveal some sort of insidious plot to kill my family or that I'm some sort of spy or something. It's just a really really dark joke To mess with there heads. Here's an example:
Judy September 14 2015 00h.10m - She moved in her sleep again! 00h.23m - Getting up for a late night piss, 00h.03m slower then usual, must've been that glass of water she didn't fully drink yesterday( as if water grows on trees, the bitch) 02h.46m - She moved her arm and grazed the nightstand, woken up Etc etc
tacotouchdown14 · 2 points · Posted at 05:53:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A safe full of fake money that looks real but the official seal is a image of dickbutt
Flavahbeast · 2 points · Posted at 05:54:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a bigger safe
SithLordDave · 2 points · Posted at 06:02:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My severed head
13ComingDown · 2 points · Posted at 06:04:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Go to govt websites (FBI, CIA, NSA, etc)
Find & save interesting, cryptic declassified documents you come across
Open them in Photoshop (or equivalent) and change just enough info to make it seem as if the docs are about you and/or stuff you've done.
Die knowing you just became the coolest motherfucker in the family...
sevenknots · 2 points · Posted at 06:12:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bag of assorted dicks and Reese Witherspoons autobiography.
SuperCashBrother · 2 points · Posted at 06:17:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An incomplete set of credentials to access an offshore bank account.
Cripnite · 2 points · Posted at 06:25:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The instructions for the safe and nothing else.
Seriously though, my dad did this. My mom was pretty pissed about it.
flippertyflip · 2 points · Posted at 06:27:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The only set of keys
Xaberslash · 2 points · Posted at 06:41:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I left all my Pokemon cards in my safety deposit box. Probably going to add my yugioh ones too Lol
ASCIt · 2 points · Posted at 06:47:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well my family already knows, but I keep a little envelope with my wisdom teeth in my safe.
somethingasaur · 2 points · Posted at 06:48:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Dragonball.
murderofcrows90 · 2 points · Posted at 06:48:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
3 seashells.
HelloMyNameIsChivers · 2 points · Posted at 06:52:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A framed picture of Scott Bakula with the eyes scratched out and a rubber glove full of crunchy peanut butter. And bird bones.
penguin74 · 2 points · Posted at 06:59:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A medical record showing infertility dated prior to my kids being born.
vechmaster · 2 points · Posted at 07:18:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Three pounds of raw steak, seven cans of silly string, the largest bag of cheese puffs money can buy, and the blue prints for s trebuchet
Isthisathroaway · 2 points · Posted at 07:19:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your own skull.
Digdut · 2 points · Posted at 07:19:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A big ol' dragon dildo.
HalfManHalfCyborg · 2 points · Posted at 07:26:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
With a little bit of technology that probably isn't quite invented yet: Some sort of e-paper display that just looks like a scrap of discarded parchment. There's a tiny power source and microcomputer that updates the display to the current day's date, written in fancy handwriting. And a light sensor configured such that when the safe is opened, light falling on the sensor causes the current date to be locked in.
SmashedBrotato · 2 points · Posted at 07:26:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The Breakfast Club Soundtrack
callaccal · 2 points · Posted at 07:33:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would leave a small piece of paper with "Rosebud" written on it. Forcing my family into a Citizen Kane type scenario
OneOfTheBastards · 2 points · Posted at 07:36:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A list of all of their names with only a few crossed out and random sentences scrawled next to the ones crossed out saying things like: "incredibly moist", "with a texture of creamed pudding", "bumpy, a little itchy" ... next to this list vials of blood like substance with the crossed names labelled on them. And empty vials with the names of those not crossed off on them.
SmugglingEggs · 2 points · Posted at 07:38:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Medical ID bracelets that prove I was in hospitals multiple times. When really I've been interacting with them at home, and then they begin to question if I was actually real. They don't really want to talk about it with other people so everyone thinks I wasn't real but doesn't ask to confirm because they feel it'd seem awkward and/or crazy.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:41:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My head.
"What the fuck, didn't we burn him with that?"
pg2441 · 2 points · Posted at 07:41:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A short, faded note, on an old piece of paper saying:
"If you want to know where I hid the bodies, (rest of text is illegible)."
THROWAWAY12321lol · 2 points · Posted at 07:47:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A hatchet with the blood of an unsolved murder victim on it. The hatchet will of course not match any of the victims wounds or anything, nor was it used in the actual murder. It will just be a hatchet I bought, bribed my way to some blood from some random victim whose crime will probably never be solved. I'll leave it in the safe with the victim's first name on it and the date they supposedly died. This will leave my family with thoughts of whether I was a serial killer or something and the story will be past on generations to come.
kik2thedik · 2 points · Posted at 07:53:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A dank m'eme ofcourse
DiDalt · 2 points · Posted at 07:59:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A list of all my family members. I would have the family members listed in the order of who died first to the youngest of my family with me somewhere in the middle. I would cross out every name before mine, leaving mine to be the next name to be crossed out.
Example:
great grandma,great grandpa,grandpa,grandma,uncle nick,aunt marie,sister heather, My Name, brother rick, wife tina, son james, son joe, daughter tisha, grand daughter rachelle, unborn grandson thomas, ect...Cross out every name down to Sister Heather and leave my name uncrossed as if I am the next to die; hinting that Brother Rick would be the next to go.
moogod · 2 points · Posted at 07:59:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The Necronomicon
xyz66 · 2 points · Posted at 08:19:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'd start ahead of time. A couple times a year, look through obituaries or online sources for shootings in the area/state, specifically ones with a certain type of caliber(9mm for example) and whenever I can find one, I'd write the victim's name on a list, then cross it out and keep it in the safe alongside with a gun of the same caliber.
Boom, now they think that their recently deceased relative was a secret serial killer.
wisewizard · 2 points · Posted at 08:19:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A babies skull tied with red ribbon over the eye sockets and "beloved (son/daughter)" printed in gold lettering on one end of it, maybe some dried daisies scattered around the box for effect.
Ardub23 · 2 points · Posted at 08:20:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'd get a stranger to handwrite the following note:
martianinahumansbody · 2 points · Posted at 08:27:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Scrap book showing how you built the time machine that inspired H.G. Wells' story. Traveled to the future, and decided to settle down, until you "faked" your death to continue forward in time
jackador · 2 points · Posted at 08:28:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I am looking forward to the safe openings posts in 10-20 years time.
pixel_dent · 2 points · Posted at 08:28:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another, smaller safe...
It's safes all the way down.
PsySick · 2 points · Posted at 08:34:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A series of pictures of him with another family.
meow0369 · 2 points · Posted at 08:48:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A half eaten biscuit lying in between a dildo that has been cut in half.
pavars · 2 points · Posted at 08:50:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Half Life 3, that would get them wondering
Whywouldanyonedothat · 2 points · Posted at 08:52:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe, which is older than the exterior safe.
Insert safe after safe after safe until your heirs get to an old mouldy safe that's basically just earth and wood flakes and looks like it outdates the Garden of Eden.
What do you put inside the inner-most safe? That doesn't matter at all. As any Redditor will tell you, when it comes to safes it's all about the process and not what they hold.
Thumpinon · 2 points · Posted at 08:56:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A random key
Hoax13 · 2 points · Posted at 09:03:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This picture ,a handful of coins and some clothes from this time. A journal describing my affair with her and my attempts to return to the past again. Again.
panzin · 2 points · Posted at 09:03:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single chess piece. Make it a bishop.
bawsette · 2 points · Posted at 09:06:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
word your honest thoughts and feelings and the truth behind everything story
zombies8mypi · 2 points · Posted at 09:06:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Can of Spring Snakes.
PhilDafydd · 2 points · Posted at 09:08:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A blood stained bowie knife wrapped in a blood stained handkerchief accompanied with a piece of scrap paper with a list of random names on it two of which have been crossed out.
socalso · 2 points · Posted at 09:16:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe.
poobicus · 2 points · Posted at 09:19:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
tv remote
WhitePawn00 · 2 points · Posted at 09:29:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single piece of completely clean, non-used, empty paper. They will go to great lengths to find out what you wrote on it in what kind of ink.
Make it an empty notebook for added time.
imlofl · 2 points · Posted at 09:45:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your Head
chechenk · 2 points · Posted at 09:51:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
this.
carl_the_litter · 2 points · Posted at 09:56:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hard drive with ecery porn I've ever watched
Kazin7 · 2 points · Posted at 10:02:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun with bullets, bunch of fake passports with my picture and fake names, small bags filed with baking soda (BAKING SODA, I GOT BAKING SODA WOP WOP) list of names, some being crossed out and a couple of wigs/gloves
brx1997 · 2 points · Posted at 10:04:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key
Xenjael · 2 points · Posted at 10:25:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A condom with a giant rip in it. Stapled to a card that reads, 'This is why my firstborn exists.'
br0wnb0y · 2 points · Posted at 10:27:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
this actually happened to a family I knew.
Upon the death of one of our neighbours, his wife was given access to his bank boxes. One of them contained a box, with a diamond ring (very expensive) with an engraving that said "To My love" and a date... that was before my neighbours met and got married.
My mom was this woman's gossip buddy so there was tons of thoughts from he had wanted to marry someone else to he had an affair when they were married. This woman honestly was going through a lot but feared the worst and went through so many different thoughts lol.
sunburst9 · 2 points · Posted at 10:27:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe. The inner one is empty
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 10:30:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A really well faked treasure map of a different planet.
mrpottermorefreak · 2 points · Posted at 10:37:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
tentacle porn ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Ben_Jenderson · 2 points · Posted at 10:45:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txHNcE_d7ro&t=0m52s
davidl9 · 2 points · Posted at 10:48:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A really small butt plug.
milkid · 2 points · Posted at 10:50:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another, smaller safe.
Forkyou · 2 points · Posted at 11:07:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My own head
ANUSTART942 · 2 points · Posted at 11:09:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My mixtape with only the song "The Man Who Sold the World."
this_too_shall_parse · 2 points · Posted at 11:13:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I actually have a wall safe with my will in it. It also contains a nerf gun and about 100,000 in monopoly money.
YoungestOldGuy · 2 points · Posted at 11:13:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single cracker in a zip bag together piece of paper with numbers on it.
drew1111 · 2 points · Posted at 11:15:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A black trash bag, a flare, a WW2 shovel and black socks.
goodbtc · 2 points · Posted at 11:21:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bitcoin paper wallet:
https://bitcoinpaperwallet.com/
Put any amount of mBTC but 'forget' to write the 'm'.
So it would read 5872 BTC when there are only 5.872 BTC on it.
IDiedTomorrow · 2 points · Posted at 11:29:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
to mess with you're family... to mess with you're family... to mess with you're family... to mess with you're family
HeartwarmingLies · 2 points · Posted at 11:33:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A framed photo of Donald Trump.
tnethacker · 2 points · Posted at 11:39:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key that looks really old.
prjindigo · 2 points · Posted at 11:43:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A collection of padlocks locked onto their own keys stored inside a selection of other safes.
wHatTheFez · 2 points · Posted at 11:49:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Planning notes for faking your own death, so they never know if you're really dead.
donkeybong64 · 2 points · Posted at 11:53:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Over 50 handwritten pages of Dave Matthews Band lyrics
Bahndoos · 1 points · Posted at 12:09:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And a video of you crying and masturbating to #41
notadrawing · 2 points · Posted at 11:54:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A list of approximately 150+ random names, and at the bottom of the list it reads: if any of you share these names, I am so, so, utterly sorry
unwrapped_mystery · 2 points · Posted at 11:55:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe.
beardedandkinky · 2 points · Posted at 11:56:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing, but make the safe almost impossible to actually open, the family will gradually past pictures online leading up to a big reveal, and a big let down. Meeting with the heads of millions.
80Xan · 2 points · Posted at 11:59:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your family's heads...obviously.
crashking · 2 points · Posted at 12:01:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A tub of vaseline, a belt and pictures of Sir Trevor McDonald.
Rearranger_ · 2 points · Posted at 12:09:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Something similar to the Voynich Manuscript, with just enough references to cutting edge research to be believable.
fr4ulein · 2 points · Posted at 12:10:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My grandpa did this. He left us golf balls.
bruce3584 · 2 points · Posted at 12:11:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test
alidoge · 2 points · Posted at 12:12:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Spy's head
DrunkPython · 2 points · Posted at 12:27:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note saying that you are alive and need to be found.
Pablo_Hassan · 2 points · Posted at 12:29:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Chinese mushroom from excavation site
soccer10chivas · 2 points · Posted at 12:31:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
If you're a guy, a dildo or two. If you're a female, a flashlight and lube.
pwickings · 2 points · Posted at 12:39:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'd leave a key, nothing else
ppl_suck · 2 points · Posted at 12:46:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your plan for the perfect murder of your family
Workadis · 2 points · Posted at 12:49:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
All of these suggestions are great. Only my landlord will likely seize all my assets before anyone outside of work even realizes I'm gone.
ChanadalerBong · 2 points · Posted at 12:51:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A smaller safe with a smaller safe, etc. Finally the smallest safe has a padlock in it.
JiSe · 2 points · Posted at 12:53:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A notebook with names of few dozens of people, maybe few pictures. And locations in some rural area near from where you live.
Joe1972 · 2 points · Posted at 12:57:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A golden dildo with a plague bearing your name saying its the "Members Choice Award" for "Best Male Performance".
PLATOU · 2 points · Posted at 12:58:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
HIV Medicine.
slyfoxy12 · 2 points · Posted at 13:00:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A compilation of floppy disks each with part of a huge compressed file in it, once unzipped together it's just a viral kid like the trolling song or rick ashley.
God forbid one of those floppy disks failed though
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:05:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Newspaper clippings of random obituaries around the country, collected over the span of years, preferably coinciding with documentable time you've spent there.
ViciousSnail · 2 points · Posted at 13:06:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pen drive with pictures of everyone I know, accompanied by encrypted text files.
£1 coin that was from the year of my birth
Small framed picture of this
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:08:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pictures of the D
RaizenTheFallen · 2 points · Posted at 13:26:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single skeleton key and a note saying "Key to the other basement"
Picklefish_quanjo · 2 points · Posted at 13:32:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
$14 million dollars of monopoly money all in singles.
thorninmysoul · 2 points · Posted at 13:45:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key, if you've read extremely loud and incredibly close you'll know how cruel this is
dakerb12 · 2 points · Posted at 13:48:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Gunnery sergeant Hartman.
jgilb20 · 2 points · Posted at 13:48:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fluorescent light bulb labeled Johnathan Taylor Thomas
Whitewind617 · 2 points · Posted at 13:50:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your family's heads.
Steve_the_Stevedore · 2 points · Posted at 13:51:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
This is a bit of a longer story that happened to my greatgrandfather:
My Greatgrandfather and his brother grew up here in Northrhine Westphalia (A German state on the western boarder of Germany). During WW1 my great great uncle faught on the eastern front and met his future wife there. My great grandfather died on the western front but my great grandma stayed in touch with her brother in law. WW2 came and went. My grandpa was too young to fight (even if he wanted to) and my great great uncle work in a factory and his work was deemed "essential to the war effort" so he didn't fight either. After the war my great great uncle stayed in the east which now became the GDR. Over time the two parts of the family got out of touch. When my great great uncle died my great grandmother was informed though since they had found some of her letters in his safe and wanted to inform her. He had died in a work accident so nothing out of the ordinary. No will was found so they looked and found one in his safe. More interestingly they had found a notebook with notes about remarks people in the family, friends and collegues at work had made. Turns out my dear great great uncle had been spying on and ratting out his whole family and everybody around him to the party as an inoffizieller Mitarbeiter. Even got a cousin of his wive locked up. Nobody had suspected him because they had assumed he would be the first to riot against the party because he couldn't visit home in the west or see his family. The bastard didn't give a shit about either side of the family. He sucked up all the socialist propaganda and believed it too.
Clang96 · 2 points · Posted at 13:51:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The key
logicalsaint · 2 points · Posted at 13:55:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A paper with a bunch of numbers
palmtwee · 2 points · Posted at 13:57:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A filled diary (or even better, a series of diaries) with dates starting from MM/DD/2560, leading to a transition with time travel to MM/DD/present. Continue diary as if normal, and put in actual events from present day.
The events from present day will affirm the "authenticity" of the diary.
Dapoopers · 2 points · Posted at 13:58:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hedge clippers with floppy dildos for handles.
rustyxj · 2 points · Posted at 14:10:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another smaller safe.
Carb0xyl · 2 points · Posted at 14:14:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
All of my embalmed organs in seperate mason jars.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 14:20:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Several different prostate massagers and a photo album filled with hundreds of pictures of cows and sheep.
iamloupgarou · 2 points · Posted at 14:29:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a giant dildo , inscribed upon , whosoever rides this dildo shall possess the power of whThor
rob132 · 2 points · Posted at 14:32:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A vile that just says "The antidote"
PancakesaurusRex · 2 points · Posted at 14:36:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My cumbox
finalfour · 2 points · Posted at 14:39:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Some drawings of a weird "time machine". Then a print photo of 1920 in a ziploc bag with a key.
JellyCream · 2 points · Posted at 14:43:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe, and in that safe yet another safe and in that safe a picture of a wooden table that has a picture of a safe on it.
Mack-Sauce · 2 points · Posted at 14:49:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single sentence using the wrong tense of your.
slowshot · 2 points · Posted at 14:54:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A mason jar filled with the clippings from your finger and toe nails.
Ghostspider1989 · 2 points · Posted at 14:59:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My grandpa left a spoon In his safe
upnfox · 2 points · Posted at 15:04:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your family's heads.
kraftzion · 2 points · Posted at 15:10:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake safe deposit box key with a ledger detailing the millions in diamonds and gold inside.
SecondhandUsername · 2 points · Posted at 15:16:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe.
r3d_elite · 2 points · Posted at 15:21:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A skeleton key with a tag tied to it saying "the gold"
collinsl02 · 1 points · Posted at 18:33:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Oh, that's good. Rather than a key that opens nothing, a key that opens a lot of things!
lucius_aeternae · 2 points · Posted at 15:25:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A map of the bermuda triangle with a X on it
Tnspartan · 2 points · Posted at 15:39:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A human tongue. Beside a bloody knife with my fingerprints on it.
Umbrifer · 2 points · Posted at 15:45:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of random maps of the world with X's and gibberish codes scattered about on them.
halfdeadmoon · 2 points · Posted at 15:47:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bag of shrimp tails
sooperkool · 2 points · Posted at 15:53:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A random key.
Chancoop · 2 points · Posted at 15:57:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I know a guy that will burn everything I own when I die. No questions asked. I'm not leaving anything in a safe.
paddirn · 2 points · Posted at 15:59:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A set of GPS coordinates for random McDonalds restaurants in your state, followed by what looks like combination lock numbers (ex. 3-54-15). Then a picture of somebody dressed in a smoking jacket with the words "Beware the Marquis" scrawled on the back (preferably in blood). Obviously the hilt of a Nazi dagger should be thrown in as a red herring, but the gold ring with the initials "E.G.H." would be the real deal.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:01:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I thought the question said, "What's a WTF item to leave in a safe with your family's heads when you die?"
dralcax · 2 points · Posted at 16:07:57 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A scrap of paper with this QR code on it
wampastompa09 · 2 points · Posted at 18:21:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yusss.
Springheeljac · 2 points · Posted at 16:11:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Naked pictures of yourself as a child (like in a bathtub) and legit looking notebooks filled with stories about wanting to have sex with yourself in the past and theories on how to create a time machine so it looks like you're really trying to do it.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 16:18:56 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Make some models of your ears, cast them in silicon paint them up bloody and bruised and make a string of them... a Necklace of ears. Then small, insane little phrases on napkins "They can't hear me anymore" "The voices still scream, but nobody is listening" something on that line.
ConorTheBooms · 2 points · Posted at 16:28:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A sofa!
sirbitman · 2 points · Posted at 17:03:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A 100 Grand Candy Bar
littlep2000 · 2 points · Posted at 17:26:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 17:51:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single bullet with "Bob" engraved in it.
smdhome · 2 points · Posted at 17:53:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The combination to the safe.
Exallium · 2 points · Posted at 17:56:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
printout of browser history.
calladus · 2 points · Posted at 18:17:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A USB drive with one file on it.
It is a 10k file of randomly generated data, encrypted twice, each encryption using 100 character randomly generated passwords.
The file name is: Swiss_bank_acct_3xencrypt.nfo
CorruptBadger · 2 points · Posted at 18:23:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yourself
nickthebravo · 2 points · Posted at 18:23:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A sheet of paper with tons of tallies but no explanation
ReggieStration · 2 points · Posted at 19:13:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A list of disasters which follow the dates they occurred on. The ones that have happened would be crossed out and I would leave ones in the future uncrossed
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:37:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would leave behind a ton of photo albums, some "mysterious" contacts, a layout of our house, the names and contacts of our family, and a detailed journal. The journal would begin on some arbitary date, where I write "Was sent to the mission. Sucessfully assassinated u/ThaPivMaster, dumped into Brazillian volcano. Posing as a doppleganger". Then I would write out some more important occurences in the week, add some mumbo jumbo about needing to work on your languages and secret operations in the International Space Station. I would write this for probably 10-20 years, then in some arbitary date I would write about how I found out about the unethical methods of control the agency had established, and how you managed to escape them, but how you're still in danger. The log would have a section about the family and how since you've been sent to this mission you have really fallen in love with u/ThaPivMaster 's SO and family, and how you will do anything in your power to protect them from the agency's top specialists. Since then the amount of logs would slow down to random dates, separated by weeks, months, even years. The logs after the escape from the agency would be about trying to expose it, and fighting off the specialists. Eventually I would start a rebellion against the agency and reform it with force. As it was reformed, I would write about how I'm too old to be a part of it and my last log would be about how I want to retire and live out the rest of my days in peace.
Commence headaches.
Got_Locked_Out · 2 points · Posted at 23:01:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My wife and I are buying an old house that has a 5 ft. high room through a small door in the back of a storage room in the basement. The room is super creepy and has a manhole in the ceiling that leads to the car port (although it's been paved over on the surface). We plan on putting a desk in there with lots of maps, documents in Russian and a large hammer and sickle on the wall. Maybe some old radio equipment if we can find it. Then we plan on putting a shelving unit in front of the door and leaving the room untouched. Then when we have kids the kids can discover it on their own and think their parents are potentially soviet spies. Or if we move it will be a fun surprise for the future owners. It will take a long time to pay off, but it will be worth it.
Dark_Fury1000 · 2 points · Posted at 23:49:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
12,000 gigs of donkey porn
1893Chicago · 10 points · Posted at 19:11:52 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
*your
"you're" = "you are"
munive · 9 points · Posted at 19:44:10 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
That might give them a lesson but won't blow relative's heads.
trinto2 · 3 points · Posted at 21:23:56 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Look at me, I'm the family now!
WaGgoggles · 2 points · Posted at 02:40:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I am family
HengistPod · 3 points · Posted at 19:30:52 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A map with a big X on it and no other information
SamuraiJakkass86 · 3 points · Posted at 20:34:53 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
That one symbol for illuminatti. They'll always wonder.
mjstorm · 3 points · Posted at 21:00:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A journal full of complex mathematical equations and sketches suggesting that they may be instructions for building a time machine. Bonus for including "Eureka!" somewhere in the margins.
sloansta · 3 points · Posted at 22:47:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bomb that activates a timer as the safe door is opened and a note on the bomb that reads "Allahu akbar"
Mr_Widget · 3 points · Posted at 02:13:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A smaller safe which contains an smaller safe with nothing inside but a small note that says "lel".
merecido · 3 points · Posted at 04:42:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My seven leaf clover, tucked inside of my Breakfast Club soundtrack.
nathanwoulfe · 2 points · Posted at 09:28:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A correctly used apostrophe.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:00:00 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake Israeli passport with my photo. And a name of Tobias Sigman. Warn around the edges. Lots and lots of stamps.
LocoRocoo · 2 points · Posted at 21:58:18 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A lion
Rand0mhero80 · 2 points · Posted at 22:32:38 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A wooden spoon and laxatives.
GhostPantsMcGee · 2 points · Posted at 01:03:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My own head.
Figure that one out, fam.
PintSizedPinata · 2 points · Posted at 01:24:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
child porn?
just_learning_ · 2 points · Posted at 02:37:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note that meet me at the bar on so and so street at so and so time wearing such and such thing. Whatever details you would like
onfire9123 · 2 points · Posted at 03:03:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A random comma. They'll never figure it out.
trentbat · 2 points · Posted at 03:39:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
dank memes
aris_ada · 2 points · Posted at 11:39:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A grammar book so they learn the difference between you're and your.
CuntLasso · 1 points · Posted at 21:16:06 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would hold one thing so great, and so important to me, with full sentimental value to myself and my family.
AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!
Maverick5762 · 3 points · Posted at 11:03:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You should feel so bad about this.
FallenDanish · 1 points · Posted at 02:00:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A partially eaten piece of bread with cheese. If people can do it at Harvest & Trustee, why can't I?
Patternsix · 1 points · Posted at 02:12:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A video that is like the one Toshio Matsumoto did called "For The Damaged Right Eye". And include a book written similar to "Voynich manuscript".
The drawings would be maybe of electronics and I would like to ensure the message either means I was from another time or an alternate dimension.
I suppose I could also make a whole season on DVD of a show that never existed with unknown actors that would look very professional. However there is just something off like little things with the clothing as well as the language and anything written in the show. Think like Friends or Seinfeld but done in some twisted reality where maybe slapping a woman's Tits is accepted as well dick grabbing but taking off ones shoes in public gets your ass kicked. Just a real strange culture to it that is vaguely like ours only not
ventin · 1 points · Posted at 02:17:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
open can of sardines
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:43:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well done Photoshop of you with a team of nazi scientists in a box with an iron cross.
Or a suppressed pistol vacuum sealed in oil and some foreign currency .
The biggest floppiest stupidest looking dildo you can find.
The_lady_is_trouble · 1 points · Posted at 02:49:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key
andysteakfries · 1 points · Posted at 03:09:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just a note that says, "23 is number 1."
So my parents would be confused and my brother would chuckle and shake his head.
Shamson · 1 points · Posted at 03:16:07 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A picture of the next model up of safe, circled in red.
jrteeter · 1 points · Posted at 03:17:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Costume Jewelry
True story: my mom died of lung cancer at the age of 61 a couple months back and she inherited all of my grandmother's jewelry and kept it in a safe.
Well when she passed the vultures started circling. There was maybe 40 rings, lots of earrings and two rolex watches (one was my mothers and the second was my grandmothers -- both purchased by my grandmother) and numerous other things.
There was no will and it was difficult for my brother and I to hold off family members that wanted things. A cousin was given my grandmother's wedding bands. Another cousin got my great grandmother's wedding ring (my mom wanted it to go to her) and then my brother and I split the rest.
My great grandmother's wedding ring is the only thing that was real. Everything else was high end costume jewelry and stuff bought off QVC. And people have fought over this stuff for 20 years like it was worth something.
melgrizzle · 1 points · Posted at 03:22:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would just stuff it full of dildos. Like, so full I'd have to stand on the door for it to latch closed. then when they open it the door springs open and dildos just explode outwards. And at the very back would be a picture of Michael Moore.
Sensor_Quasar · 1 points · Posted at 03:25:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
$50 worth of chocolate coins
crackpipecardozo · 1 points · Posted at 03:31:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A box full of erotic letters from John Cheever
epicface1399 · 1 points · Posted at 03:38:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A walk in safe, with a rubber duck and a handgun in the middle of the floor, nothing else
ptwonline · 1 points · Posted at 03:42:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A photo of some complete stranger, preferably a photo from 20+ years earlier. On the back of the photo write either "Forgive me" or "They will never find you."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:46:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cum box
morli · 1 points · Posted at 03:49:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The key
MojosJojo · 1 points · Posted at 04:00:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pulled from a real thing a 4 chan poster did, with slight modifications. Assuming you are male, er..... Make some happy time, and collect the results on cling wrap. Let it dry and then put the results in a little baggy. Crush it into a powder. The 4 chan poster dropped it in nightclubs and watched people snort the substance. But just leaving it a safe would be really unsettling and confusing.
HungryPankake · 2 points · Posted at 05:52:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I have no response except for this one.
tertialtom · 1 points · Posted at 04:00:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A glass eye.
Powellwx · 1 points · Posted at 04:04:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A dildo with your male cousins name in it.
Plus in an envelope... 200 shares Berkshire A 17-31-07 Locker #837
PeeFarts · 1 points · Posted at 04:15:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake treasure map.
hero1012878 · 1 points · Posted at 04:16:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What an oddly specific question op.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:19:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A plastic banana.
davelog · 1 points · Posted at 04:20:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A map to a difficult-to-reach location, which would then contain a safe.
That safe would contain a map to the original safe's location.
HereHoldMyBeer · 1 points · Posted at 04:27:21 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Draw a very detailed map of something, or just trace a route on a map. Then tear off 1/3 of it. Put the 2/3 in the safe. Burn the 1/3.
NoKidsThatIKnowOf · 1 points · Posted at 04:29:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Eight keys to eight safety deposit boxes; picked up the keys at a swap meet...
BertitoMio · 1 points · Posted at 04:31:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A smaller safe.
ncaldera0491 · 3 points · Posted at 04:49:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
And inside the smaller safe is a spare key or combination to the primary safe.
anakaine · 1 points · Posted at 04:38:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The keys to the safe
BanditMonty · 1 points · Posted at 04:41:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your own head.
kaiihudson · 1 points · Posted at 04:41:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cheese sandwich
Ferusomnium · 1 points · Posted at 04:43:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I shit you not. I have this small iron chest that I keep precious things in. Among those goods is a paper map that has a few trails marked in nearby areas and one big fat red X with some vague instructions regarding the location. It genuinely is meant to look like notes left for myself incase I couldnt find "it". Should a friend or family ever go there, should they manage to actually get teh right spot, they would find a decent clearing I camp at often and a slab of concrete with an inscription I made in it when drunk-
"This stone made by man, marks nothing at all, and I hope I never forget how to find it"
I know deep inside, that anyone in my life that found it, would be equally pissed at me and overjoyed. Its my legacy
tscy · 1 points · Posted at 04:48:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Thousands of teeth.
dblake123 · 1 points · Posted at 04:51:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An 8mm tape of a woman I had murdered because I could do it.
Xytaruka · 1 points · Posted at 04:51:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cast of my junk, a fetus, 2 garrote wires with names carved in their handles, a canister of my cryogenically preserved sperm, samples of my DNA, a hard-drive filled with webcomics and every peanuts comic ever, a 100 pack of razorblades, and a Bottle of glenmorangie whiskey and a bottle of fireball duck-taped together inside a bucket of money.
Jberg18 · 1 points · Posted at 04:55:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just a note card with "The End?" written on it.
fluttershyboi · 1 points · Posted at 05:02:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Make a cast of you erect dick. Send it some where to get made into a dildo. Then leave a note in your safe with said dildo telling your wife she can not remarry and thay you will continue to pleasure her even after death.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:03:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wasn't there a Nicholas Cage film (8mm?) where a man died and when his family opened up his safe only to find a snuff film.
indridcold137 · 1 points · Posted at 05:06:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The United State's Constitution.
GoredonTheDestroyer · 1 points · Posted at 05:07:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My ass, stitched to a chair.
Kyddeath · 1 points · Posted at 05:10:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Detailed descriptions of how I killed multiple people and where the bodies are. They go to the cops and they trace it to different cemeteries with people who died years before I was born. Its fun for the whole family
Drama_Derp · 1 points · Posted at 05:14:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Mixtape...filled only with the "Na-na-na-nanananaaa" of Hey Jude.
BloodlustHamster · 1 points · Posted at 05:15:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A half dozen doll heads lined up and staring at whoever opens the safe.
Nothing else in there.
FidelCastrator · 1 points · Posted at 05:20:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
another, slightly smaller, safe.
NotTerrorist · 1 points · Posted at 05:21:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A strange key and some GPS coordinates to some place really remote, like Tristan da Cunha or even to some super secure bank in Switzerland.
Blinded-Ink · 1 points · Posted at 05:22:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of old photos, records, memorabilia, and such.
Then, in the back, a small lock box with instructions taped to the top. "For so and so, she knows the code- she knows the reason".
The sweet knowledge that they would all turn to her and there she would be, all unknowing. They wouldn't believe that she didn't understand. And when they finally got someone else to open it, only a $2 dollar bill and the words "use this to unlock it" written on the top.
They would spend years ostracizing her because only she was recognized and her claims that she knew nothing about it would go unheard.
That is my revenge.
virasht · 1 points · Posted at 05:28:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of fake Id Paper
Therealluke · 1 points · Posted at 05:28:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Treasure map, on a loved ones grave, in a high visibility cemetery
monsto · 1 points · Posted at 05:32:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A 32gb SD card with one file. File has a proper header, followed by data that looked like an encrypted file.
Don't forget the picture of someone none of them have ever met.
treemister1 · 1 points · Posted at 05:39:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cypher, a key, and 10k in foreign currency in an envelope.
Soupster189 · 1 points · Posted at 05:46:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Battletoads.
TheBananaKing · 1 points · Posted at 05:47:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Teeth. Lots of teeth.
IamNass · 1 points · Posted at 05:49:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bloody dildo
Wavemanns · 1 points · Posted at 05:53:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Colombian passport and a key of coke.
snsv · 1 points · Posted at 05:54:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
other family members' heads
Smailien · 1 points · Posted at 05:57:24 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My own severed head.
gamerlen · 1 points · Posted at 06:02:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A meal from Taco Bell I ordered ten years prior, along with a note reading 'emergency rations for when the uprising occurs'.
Granadafan · 1 points · Posted at 06:13:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A treasure map with elaborate leads and clues all over the world. The end game will be the enrichment they get from traveling and experiencing other cultures. Of course they might piss on my grave when they discover there's no treasure.
Overthinks_Questions · 1 points · Posted at 06:27:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Filled horse condoms daintily dangling from the safe's ceiling.
Concrist · 1 points · Posted at 06:27:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A slightly smaller safe
Musaab · 1 points · Posted at 06:28:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pair of pliers.
hsfrey · 1 points · Posted at 06:37:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
When Feynman cracked the top-secret safes at Los Alamos he'd leave little notes like "This was really easy".
clay3r · 1 points · Posted at 06:40:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
In late to this, but everything in this thread would be hilarious, except for the drugs, to lead on police. You have this giant steel box that the jaws of life can't open and refuse to give the code. They have to use torches, like in star wars episode one when quigon gin almost opens up that door before getting intercepted by droidikas. They open it and find shit like a fake murder list with a map, a condom full of dipping tobacco, etc. They'd be so pissed and you'd only go to jail for a bit for wasting their time. Probably almost worth it.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:41:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
6 of the 7 dragon balls
teh_maxh · 1 points · Posted at 06:42:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An explosive device triggered by opening the door.
A_Harmless_Fly · 1 points · Posted at 06:50:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of antique shit and a fake diary detailing my life from 1918 to my death.
BigEd781 · 1 points · Posted at 07:01:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key. Make sure that it won't actually open anything.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:05:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A local yearbook of fifth graders and a highlighter
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:08:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A nest of YellowJackets
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:15:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a vial simply labled antidote with some water and a little food coloring
doc_moses · 1 points · Posted at 07:32:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key.
stinkfresh · 1 points · Posted at 07:36:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A journal that's got written on it "Burn in the event of death. Classified, very confidential." And have virtually all the pages water damaged or torn out.
str8_out_of · 1 points · Posted at 07:40:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
3 little sea shells.
GeoMeek · 1 points · Posted at 07:51:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your Second Live account with inventory.
Totally_knot_a_furry · 1 points · Posted at 07:54:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A briefcase marked "the project".
Containing doughnut holes, doughnuts and glue.
Gish1111 · 1 points · Posted at 07:59:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An apostrophe.
Hotspur000 · 1 points · Posted at 08:00:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I have a sort of related story.
My in-laws have a few safes, but one was sitting out in the open in their office area. My MIL, not having anywhere to put plastic bags, would just fill the safe with them (and still lock it for some reason).
Well, one day, someone actually broke into the house and proceeded to spend a bunch of time to break open the safe, only to find it full of plastic bags. I guess he was so pissed off, or worried about the time, that he didn't bother taking anything else.
I realize this could've all been set up as a decoy, but as far as I understand from how it was explained to me, it wasn't – it was just dumb luck.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:04:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A half eaten poptart
eddieswiss · 1 points · Posted at 08:17:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A jar filled with all of my dead skin? I dunno.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:20:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A spinning totem
Starlord174 · 1 points · Posted at 08:22:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A picture of a carrot with the name felicity on the back
Neopyrrhu · 1 points · Posted at 08:26:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Inkpot, stone, bucket, book, knife.
senopahx · 1 points · Posted at 08:29:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A map with random codes written on it. Certain large regions circled.
tradingten · 1 points · Posted at 08:32:47 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bloody knife.
Oneiropticon · 1 points · Posted at 08:36:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A large variety of small sealed containers, each labeled with an ID number, and a catalog matching each number with a variety of poison, effects, and methods of administration.
Some of the containers will have tally marks on them.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:59:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would leave a dildo covered in flecks of chocolate to fuck with people. Also a bottle of anal lube, a picture of Tom Cruise, and a dildo gas mask.
dzernumbrd · 1 points · Posted at 09:00:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Nazi memorabilia
Taytethegreat · 1 points · Posted at 09:28:32 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of pictures of Lia Marie Johnson with the eyes and mouths cut out, A lock of fake blonde hair covered in blood, an ultra realistic bloody mask of her face and a note that says " me and my love are together in the afterlife".
Mislyrain · 1 points · Posted at 09:33:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Hash oil
Fugera · 1 points · Posted at 09:44:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A child's tooth. No explanation whatsoever.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 09:49:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of notepads documenting the movements of your lizard overlords.
Or like 50 dildos, rub some chocolate pudding on them and let them dry.
8u11etpr00f · 1 points · Posted at 09:59:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Several pictures of another family but with me in them and looking like a father.
thepoetryguy · 1 points · Posted at 10:03:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bigger safe on the inside of a smaller safe.
mowbuss · 1 points · Posted at 10:03:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of photos with a cast of actors over the course of 10 to 20 years done as family portraits
ColoniseMars · 1 points · Posted at 10:07:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The cleaned skulls of my enemies.
WhensLunch69 · 1 points · Posted at 10:20:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A 12 foot black dildo with the inscription black mamba on it.
phatballlz · 1 points · Posted at 10:24:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
JOHN CENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ShotgunRon · 1 points · Posted at 10:26:16 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note saying "I want to play a game..."
IWatchYouSometimes · 1 points · Posted at 10:27:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Get yourself a fake passport with a name that isn't yours. Like 2 stacks of money. Pre-paid cellphone. Keys that seems to go to a car and to an apartment/house.
DKMode4Life · 1 points · Posted at 10:27:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A letter written on my underwear.
Electric_unicorn · 1 points · Posted at 10:28:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A VHS tape labeled "WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT WATCH"
It will tear on them until they watch it and on the tape is the tape-part from The Ring..
jackstacksthings · 1 points · Posted at 10:33:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Dick pic with a fake code written on it and a page from the bible with random words underlined.
cool_slowbro · 1 points · Posted at 10:37:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Just do what you did there.
jiggapatto · 1 points · Posted at 10:38:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bunch of scripts from the greatest movies ever made with your name written on them and a bunch of rejection letters from studios, to make it look like they stole your ideas, let the legal battle commence
nosleepatall · 1 points · Posted at 10:48:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
"If you read this, I didn't make it. It wasn't an accident. You're in danger too. Waste no time."
young_consumer · 1 points · Posted at 10:49:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An old, crusty, and bloody tampon. No, I'm not a woman.
bufalla · 1 points · Posted at 10:50:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a penguin
jimmy_talent · 1 points · Posted at 10:51:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A piece of paper with all their names split into two lists, kinda like that episode of the office.
Madlibsluver · 1 points · Posted at 10:57:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Over 9000 copies of BATTLE TOADS
csortland · 1 points · Posted at 11:07:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A hit list with names crossed off.
DrDeviceMkII · 1 points · Posted at 11:08:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Cumbox?
ibrajy_bldzhad · 1 points · Posted at 11:15:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Buttplug covered in pigs blood. A really well crafted encrypted letter telling that you are appointed as a keeper of secrets of Illuminati and that at some point you will be extracted and your identity changed. List of names, some are just random, or made up and some names of real victims of awful violent crimes commited in the last 5-10 years and of those who vanished without a trace with a handwritten memo somewhere near the list(but it should not be your handwriting) which reads "You know what must be done!"
mollymauler · 1 points · Posted at 11:15:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
cp
Edit: pretty sure that this would do it. Also, i shuddered while writing it.
alfiealfiealfie · 1 points · Posted at 11:16:38 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A strange set of runes and a hard to decipher map
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:27:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Fool's Gold Plated, Cubic Zirconium encrusted Vibrator that is for some reason on when they open the door.
Fake Gold and Fake Diamonds aren't worth nothing so they'll be wondering why the hell it's on.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:02:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
so what are they worth then?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 13:54:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It's not a Nothing, that's for sure. So I'd say one whole Somthing.
needs_more_power · 1 points · Posted at 11:33:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single key, with nothing else in the safe, they'll go crazy trying to figure out what was so important to unlock!
Blmdh20s · 1 points · Posted at 11:34:43 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would have a metal plate photo of myself with a date of somewhere around 1915, have a Kodachrome film roll of me witnessing JFK's assassination while talking on a cell phone, me sitting having a drink with Reagan and a memory stick with pictures of me on the International Space Station. All of myself without ageing a single day.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:35:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cactus with a note that says " The bees are not rubber ". They'll know what I'm talking about. Hehe
DeathStarJedi · 1 points · Posted at 11:40:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
severed finger from a random medical research cadaver
Amorythorne · 1 points · Posted at 11:44:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single blank sheet of paper. They'd either think I was nuts for finding value in it or think there must be some sort of message in it.
Kml0we · 1 points · Posted at 11:55:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One singular bullet.
yttri_inpri4phni · 1 points · Posted at 11:58:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I could lock up my fleshlight, but that's just "good", not great.
But a fleshlight full of BEES, now that would be something.
Makabeli · 1 points · Posted at 11:59:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One time I saw a dildo online that has a tube inside and comes with these weird ball things and slime. Apparently there is an alien insemination fetish. One of those.
Bahndoos · 1 points · Posted at 12:12:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A really well done Photoshop print out on photo paper of all of them dead and decapitAted.
con10ntalop · 1 points · Posted at 12:14:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A treasure map.
OffersVodka · 1 points · Posted at 12:20:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A treasure map
unasimple · 1 points · Posted at 12:30:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
spam
c1utchh · 1 points · Posted at 12:34:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A chest filled with everything Carl Marx.
Yophatmomma · 1 points · Posted at 12:36:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fake adoption papers
mcampo84 · 1 points · Posted at 12:38:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The antidote.
Emty21 · 1 points · Posted at 12:39:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your family's heads.
Gliese2 · 1 points · Posted at 12:41:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I'd leave a spider
BobtheBarbarian2112 · 1 points · Posted at 12:49:25 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun and a bloody strap-on dildo.
vaGrr · 1 points · Posted at 12:50:31 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A treasure nap leading to your grave.
Ill-Be-Damned · 1 points · Posted at 12:51:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A stocking... a gun.... and one partial strap of $20 bills...
happywhitebull · 1 points · Posted at 12:52:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not a safe, but I have a standing bet with a good friend that we both have it in our wills that the family of whichever one of us dies first has to buy the other a case of beer.
finalfear55 · 1 points · Posted at 12:56:04 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A piece of paper with the words "I left the money in the..."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:57:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fake treasure map.
Odd_Tactics · 1 points · Posted at 12:57:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single hand grenade.
EvilDoctor130 · 1 points · Posted at 13:01:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A small oven with a newborn pizza dog. When the combination is entered correctly, you can see robotic arms put him in the oven and you can watch him grow. Afterward, a clip of Billy Mays will tell you to shut your mouth.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:08:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key to another safe
Viking1308 · 1 points · Posted at 13:15:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
It'd be pretty funny to fake your own death and then buy a giant safe and hide it until they open it jump out and say surprise!
ReddBox · 1 points · Posted at 13:24:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)*
A picture
cnorris1 · 1 points · Posted at 13:24:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Treasure map, obscure clues, hints about small horde of gold and jewels found while scuba diving.
Octosphere · 1 points · Posted at 13:35:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A white butt plug with some dark brown paint sprinkled over it.
Or you know, just one conspicuous brown smudge at the very top.
Their faces...
TeeReks · 1 points · Posted at 13:39:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An unmarked bottle of liquid and a rag. Homemade pills. A fake mustache. Press on fake fingerprints.
Dexaan · 1 points · Posted at 13:47:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pink ping-pong ball.
MaxwellSalmon · 1 points · Posted at 13:49:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A bag filled with dead wasps.
static-hell · 1 points · Posted at 13:52:51 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The code to said safe.
NickCajun · 1 points · Posted at 13:54:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a spinning totem
MaYlormoon · 1 points · Posted at 13:59:06 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key with an unreadable map. Generations will work on figuring out, while you .. Are still dead.
mrsummerlover · 1 points · Posted at 14:01:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A random key.
Miv333 · 1 points · Posted at 14:18:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your head.
damonteufel · 1 points · Posted at 14:21:30 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A slip of paper with "Grim 4-17-36" written on it. It means nothing but they will have a mystery to solve! Is it a date? A combination lock? Who or what is Grim?
IN-B4-404 · 1 points · Posted at 14:27:01 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A letter saying "he forced me to, i had no choice".
Dicks4feet · 1 points · Posted at 14:37:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I keep sex toys in my safe right with my guns
Slipacre · 1 points · Posted at 14:39:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a random set of keys which open no locks any of then know about
fedupwithpeople · 1 points · Posted at 14:54:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A positive pregnancy test.
Mrninjamonkey · 1 points · Posted at 14:55:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A dragon dildo and a map labeled "where the money is"
Navel_Linty · 1 points · Posted at 14:56:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A severed head
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:00:29 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A used condom with a child
RedditMayne · 1 points · Posted at 15:05:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Random key with a note stating "The Other $1,000,000" on it.
zeal1 · 1 points · Posted at 15:07:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fancy framed photo of a B-List celebrity or politician and a non-perishable food item. They wouldn't know what to make of it. Example: A picture of Ross Perot next to a can of Lima Beans, or a photo of Delroy Lindo next to a jar of peach preserves.
Golanthanatos · 1 points · Posted at 15:12:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Two safes, each with the combination to the other inside, do not otherwise provide the combination to either.
Paratwa · 1 points · Posted at 15:17:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Write a crappy note in an easy to do cipher, with some pictures of various bankers, and references to the 08 crash.
A CD with randomly generated one time hashes of Shakespears works done at random. Not a DVD, as the CD would make them wonder why did he use a CD?!?! Make sure its an older one not purchased or made in the last 8 years.
Next make a fake cipher, with references on the side to refer to the CD for proof, using english to do the references, and then at the end say that it should be easy for anyone to use the original cipher to determine the next code and that you were done in by the evil bankers to show how they were using the system to generate crashes to buy out companies at the lowest prices, also do this in easy to read English and that the next crash that will come in a year or two was planned out ahead (a new crash always happens).
ASK_ME_IF_I_AM · 1 points · Posted at 15:24:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The title of this post would mess with their heads.
8oD · 1 points · Posted at 15:30:33 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A pair of crusty cum panties.
REDxFAILURE · 1 points · Posted at 15:32:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
I have 500 Camel cash in my lockbox. Someone's getting a free lighter.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:33:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
CarpeCyprinidae · 2 points · Posted at 17:11:26 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
the filesystem on a 3.5" disk limits the number of consecutive nested folders very sharply
draykow · 1 points · Posted at 15:45:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An elaborate journal detailing every way in which you've manipulated your SO's actions to fall in love with you dating back when you were approximately six or seven years old (if you are more than seven years older than your SO, then make it seem like you had accomplices in the hospital staff).
Doesn't have to be your SO, if your research is on point you could make anyone you know feel like they've never really had any true free will.
lnning · 1 points · Posted at 15:45:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cumbox
Oilfan94 · 1 points · Posted at 15:45:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTBx-hHf4BE
"Peace on Earth was all it said."
belowaverageguy69 · 1 points · Posted at 15:52:34 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Write a bit of paper saying the treasure is at some coordinates that are in the middle of the sea or in a forest.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:52:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A paper where history events are connected and random drawing like "666" or "predicted it" then at the verso write in Big letters : 2050 "end of the world" or "alien invasion"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:58:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun with a note to a family member preferably your sibling saying "our task must be completed at all costs"
Corpicus · 1 points · Posted at 16:05:18 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Obviously a key for nothing, could you imagine them walking around looking for this magical door...classical.
cass1us12 · 1 points · Posted at 16:14:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe
VergilVigilante · 1 points · Posted at 16:18:58 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A gun with a dildo fitted around it.
voidsessi0n · 1 points · Posted at 16:43:42 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe?
johnny_kickass · 1 points · Posted at 17:00:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Something I learned from reddit - this is a foolproof way to keep them talking about this for years and years to come:
Your family will obsess over the damn safe for years.
OneFinalEffort · 1 points · Posted at 17:02:55 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Used diapers.
LandauTST · 1 points · Posted at 17:08:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A baby doll with a note saying, "Don't let it out."
Contast · 1 points · Posted at 17:14:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Condoms
DocWiggles · 1 points · Posted at 17:19:20 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
One banana.
pl233 · 1 points · Posted at 17:27:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An antique gold coin, a plat book, and a sheet of gibberish fake code with indecipherable notes scribbled in the margins
psycharious · 1 points · Posted at 17:47:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A note to your grandson that says:
"Fuck her right in the pussy."
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:51:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
print out a huge stack of fake IBM stock certificates.
Zammin · 1 points · Posted at 17:54:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single giant dildo.
drthrax1 · 1 points · Posted at 17:55:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Battletoads
Liesymmetrymanifold · 1 points · Posted at 17:56:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe with a lock box inside with a business card of a call girl in Sweeden.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:00:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
An not reading "It wasn't an accident, Johnson talked they're killing off their agents." Along with pictures of you in some sort of military group with blured out faces and several hi powers rifles, pistols, and assault rifles; and several fake files about congress members that committed major war crimes and were part of a secret black ops group.
callmebigley · 1 points · Posted at 18:13:08 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A meticulously detailed diorama of whoever you believe will open the safe, opening the safe, with a clown crouched somewhere in the room not visible from in front of the safe
Decyde · 1 points · Posted at 18:43:27 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Take all your money and have it converted to gold. Take all that gold and have it melted down and buy one of those silicon penis molds and make a gold dildo with your life savings.
Leave this in the safe with poo and piece of corn on it.
Biggilius · 1 points · Posted at 18:51:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Framed picture of a random kid that I would find by doing Google image search.
blackpumpkins · 1 points · Posted at 18:56:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A single photo album that says memories on the front. Inside will be thousands and thousands of pictures of dicks all with date time and location on them dating back 40 years.
sweepyoface · 1 points · Posted at 19:21:49 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A small piece of paper, written on it? The number 7.
brenansb · 1 points · Posted at 19:22:44 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Empty the safe and leave a giant box with a bow on it. Then when they open it it throws out a giant boxing glove like on tv!
ElectricZone1 · 1 points · Posted at 19:46:35 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cup of water.
DovahSpy · 1 points · Posted at 19:48:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A "sequel" to the Voynich Manuscript, written on parchment with the same symbols and wierd drawings, except it's about weird tentacle penis monsters rather than plants.
tdasnowman · 1 points · Posted at 19:56:59 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
My uncle's mother was a hoarder, when we cleaned out her house after her passing in the safe we found deed to the house in florida which they had sold in the 50's and glasses. Next the bed underfuck ton of shit we found $3500 in uncirculated currency.
The gold and silver coins were on the floor and in drawers, the deeds and important documents were just in drawers.
naatkins · 1 points · Posted at 20:08:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
The key to the safe.
doselan · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A map with several areas circled, but one area (in the middle of the woods) circled several times in an excited manner. There should be a short riddle written on the map, as well as references to several lines in classic novels.
"The crow always flies furthest, though the foxes bed down." See: "Where the Red Fern Grows" Page 78, Paragraph 4, Line 2"
popemichael · 1 points · Posted at 20:19:45 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Blood stained knife, pictures of a dead body, homemade "beef" jerky.
gtx765 · 1 points · Posted at 20:23:00 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
leave it empty, they will know why.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake invoice from an off shore bank showing millions on deposit. However, in the upper right corner where the account # is it's partially torn off...
NDaveT · 1 points · Posted at 20:39:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A key to another safe.
FATBIRD333 · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A completely random key.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:51:05 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A spare key to the safe
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:11:02 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A revolver missing one bullet, and a list of random first names, one crossed off.
mrbaggins · 1 points · Posted at 21:43:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A open but unused, slightly expensive, toaster.
dark_ogrelord · 1 points · Posted at 23:08:11 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A history book about the Spanish Inquisition.
SplashTheFairy · 1 points · Posted at 23:43:19 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A fake mustache in a plastic bag. Then hide a little note somewhere else that talks about the "secret stache" in your safe that they probably won't find until way later.
Lucifer_Black · 1 points · Posted at 23:49:28 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A jar of your toenails and fingernails from years prior.
GabuTheBunny · 1 points · Posted at 23:57:37 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe, with another safe inside, with another safe inside, with a note saying 'behind you'
TrashyTheGrouch · 1 points · Posted at 01:42:27 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Claymore landmine
AquaeyesTardis · 1 points · Posted at 12:14:19 on September 15, 2015 · (Permalink)
Sheet of paper:
"I'm Pregnant! :D"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:59:57 on September 19, 2015 · (Permalink)
A Ken Griffey Jr rookie baseball gun, an empty pistol and half a pack of mentos
BigKat5 · 1 points · Posted at 03:28:09 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
*Your
abij2 · 1 points · Posted at 21:48:28 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A cumbox
Sonthly · 1 points · Posted at 21:59:21 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
I would put a key and a chicken bone. The key would got to a door which has it's location inscribed onto the bone. The key goes to a hatch with a 50 foot ladder. At the bottom is a vault with a paper, witch says, " There are two mountains, one of cocaine, and one of anthrax."
fede37 · 1 points · Posted at 23:43:39 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
A grammar book.
mebeblb4 · 1 points · Posted at 00:30:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
You're?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:04:13 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
What family?
billy_awesome · 1 points · Posted at 05:24:52 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
gwyneth paltrow's head.
EnQuest · 1 points · Posted at 06:32:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Pictures of my children and a tub of vaseline with a dick sized hole in the middle
Turnabout_ · 1 points · Posted at 06:46:10 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A smaller safe, with a smaller safe inside of that, and a smaller safe inside of that, and then...
... nothing.
mrmdc · 1 points · Posted at 07:05:41 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your family's heads.
Scrooge_McFuck_ · 1 points · Posted at 07:36:14 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Child pornography and a grenade
moogod · 1 points · Posted at 08:00:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A shrine to Michael Bay that has a countdown to one final explosion in honor of the king of explosions.
LightOfVictory · 1 points · Posted at 08:00:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Cumbox!
geared4war · 1 points · Posted at 08:16:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Doing this
lejefferson · 1 points · Posted at 08:44:36 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Adoption papers.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:52:39 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A katana with my own blood dried on it alongside a small box which is wrapped up in 5 meters of black spiked chain, the box contains a riddle leading to the top of a steep local hill, at the top of the hill is a tree with a machete jammed into it and the words 'Just do what comes naturally' carved into it.
Thats about the strangest one I have the stuff to do.
alpieduh · 0 points · Posted at 03:29:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A misspelled your
adognameddave · -2 points · Posted at 22:08:28 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
your own head lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 22:22:44 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
adognameddave · 0 points · Posted at 00:50:50 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
STEP 1:CUTOFF HEAD STEP 2:PUT IN SAFE STEP 3:GO TO SLEEP STEP 4:WAKE UP DEAD STEP 5:FUCKING LOLERCOPTER WHEN THEY FIND IT, LAUGH GHOST BUNS OFF
rileyception · -1 points · Posted at 19:24:03 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
fresh dog crap
WolvesPWN · 1 points · Posted at 00:25:40 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
but then who wuz phone?
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 02:36:23 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
a smaller safe with another even smaller case inside of that one and even smaller safe in that safe, etc
Weyoun92 · 0 points · Posted at 06:54:22 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Adoption papers
TheGreatSpaces · 0 points · Posted at 07:23:53 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
YOU ARE?????
Schmokek · 0 points · Posted at 07:34:54 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fake passports, golden deagle, foreign cash
barfsuit · 0 points · Posted at 08:00:48 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
your spelling
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 08:04:03 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Your family's heads.
YoungToke · 0 points · Posted at 08:13:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
A smaller safe, which contains an even smaller safe, which also contains an even smaller face and so on all the way to the atomic level and then they have to split the last atom with their bare hands in order to collect their inheritance.
vsn611 · 0 points · Posted at 16:20:17 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Leave a note saying "Call Olivia Pope"
frictionqt · -2 points · Posted at 05:53:46 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
one of those huge hotdogs
no bun just the wiener
petrichorE6 · -3 points · Posted at 20:06:02 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Childporn.
[deleted] · -3 points · Posted at 19:22:37 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
BatmanSays5 · 2 points · Posted at 19:36:04 on September 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
*It's
CowzLoveDog · -3 points · Posted at 02:35:15 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
Another safe
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 10:48:12 on September 14, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's easy. A paintbrush, poem, picture of first girlfriend, ticket stubs to concerts. They'd say ,"shit, I never knew he had dreams, hobbies, and interest in things".