So when my youngest daughter was maybe four years old, she and I headed to the shopping mall one afternoon. While there, I have to pee and realize I have no choice: I have to take her into the mens' room with me.
I go into a stall (usually reserved for people sitting down to do their business) and with my kid standing behind me, I unzip and start peeing. She edges forward to look at my equipment (which she hadn't ever seen before) and after staring at it, she points and says: "Daddy, is THAT your pee pee?"
I realize there's about 10 other guys in the quiet bathroom who are certainly listening and I feel all self conscious. I try and stay all calm and nonchalant and stuff and say: "Uh, yes honey. That's my pee pee."
She tightens her neck and retreats a couple of inches and says: "Well it sure is UGLY."
The whole room erupted in laughter. Every guy in the place was laughing his ass off -- including me.
pagecko ยท 386 points ยท Posted at 16:31:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently, when I was little, I too had a trip to the men's room with my dad, wherein, when someone else occupied the stall next to us, I whipsered loudly, "Daddy, is that man pooping? Don't let him poop! I don't want him to poop. Tell him to go away!"
Total opposite: a friend's 5yr old daughter was watching another friend change her son's diaper. The 5yr old points to the boy's penis and says "I like that!"
[deleted] ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 18:19:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There really is no appropriate reaction to that other than "Oh god no."
[deleted] ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 16:32:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I definitely thought this was going to end in someone thinking youre a pedophile lol. Im so glad it didnt go that directio. Hilarious story. Kids are fantastic
I find it funny that we can say kids are fantastic, but if you say 4 year olds are fantastic all of a sudden people get upset.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:17:42 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this comment would've made more sense to me if I could hear your tone of voice. It's just not landing lol
A3P ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:28 on May 25, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If there were any women in that washroom you can bet that the story would have head in that direction.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 03:59:07 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lol, why do you say that?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:12:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
well, I have been working on my prose as of late......j/k. just imagine if I'd put an ellipsis after "kids are fantastic" with a "mi gusta" face.....now that....would've been funny (creepy)
When I saw my dad's "pee pee" for the first time I said "daddy, you have a tail!" and then proceeded to build a "tail" (actually a penis) out of lego when I got home because I wanted to be like dad.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:31:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Laughing while peeing is a tricky feat to come out of dry.
Short version: I almost hit two little boys while driving to the mall. Ages 2 and 4 โ they were filthyโฆand dressed only in their underwear โ no shoes, shirt, coats โ nothingโฆand literally standing in the street on a cold, rainy, Florida fall morning. I would have hit them if the van in front of me hadnโt reacted so suddenly โ I followed suit and swerved โ missed them by inches. Turns out, their mother was a loser who was passed out on drugs that morning and these two little boys were left to fend for themselves - so, somehow they wandered their way onto one of the busiest roads during morning rush hour. What was originally a short trip to the mall ended up with me almost killing two babies โ then assisting the police once they arrived (the boys were petrified of the police) and giving my testimony to the District Attorneyโs office.
A year later, I received a call from the dad in Ohio who had been trying to get custody of the kids for the past two years. Turns out, my testimony was instrumental in convincing the judge to grant him full custody - and he called to thank me. Good Guy Dad.
TL;DR: Some mothers donโt deserve a Happy Motherโs Day.
Edit to thank everyone for the karma - and to add details:
It was an unusually cold and wet morning for Florida - mid 40's. I'd just dropped off my 7 year old son at elementary school and had my 4 year old daughter with me in the car. It was cold enough for us to wear long sleeves and semi-heavy jackets. Definitely not warm enough for just underwear - and add to that the cold, intermittent rain.
It's been many years since this happened - and retelling the story here brought back the same sinking feeling of horror that I felt the moment I realized just how close I came to hitting the little boys. That morning was full of emotions - relief that they were okay, confusion, the overwhelming mother bear feeling to protect these two little lives....and finally disgust and revulsion upon seeing where they had been living.
Several police squad cars arrived at the office where we had taken the boys and as it turns out, one of the officers was familiar with the boys. Upon seeing the police, the smallest boy tightened his death-grip around my neck and the four year old was now clinging to my leg - they were terrified and crying loudly. Of course my daughter thought all of the excitement was a great adventure and she kept asking why the boys weren't dressed, why were they crying, why did they smell so bad (both boys smelled strongly of urine), and if we could take them home with us. The entire situation was unreal and profoundly sad.
Since the boys were in such distress, the police officer in charge asked if I could help them by putting the boys in my car and following them to their mother's apartment. With one squad car in front and two behind me, we traveled maybe 7 or 8 blocks down a road that ran next to the industrial building we'd just been in.
By this time, the boys had calmed down some and were playing with my daughter and her toys in the back seat. We drove up to a row of neglected townhouses...the worst one being the boy's home. The small front yard was a mess of wet garbage, appliances, dirty toys and mud. There was a dirty white sheet hanging in the large downstairs open window. The sheet was blowing out the window since there wasn't a screen. The front door was wide open. From my car, I could see through the open window all the way to the back of the townhouse - where there was another open window and door. The inside of the townhouse didn't appear to be any better than the outside - no furniture to speak of - just garbage, clothes, and toys strewn about.
The officers asked me to stay with the boys in the car while they investigated the home and they added that someone with child protective services was on their way. Just about the time CPS arrived, the officer in charge came out of the house and told me they'd found the mother passed out on the floor in an upstairs bedroom. We managed to get the boys in the CPS van without too much drama. The officer then asked me to leave the scene since the mother was awakened but violent - she was being arrested and he didn't want my daughter to witness that - I wholeheartedly agreed.
It wasn't until I drove away that I noticed how badly I was shaking. That's when I began to cry.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 14:27:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for taking the time to testify. You essentially saved those boys lives. So amazing that you got a follow up from the dad.
Bet it is a feminist idea that men have it better in all cases, which is obviously not true in child custody matters. I'm referring to extremist cunt feminism though, not just regular feminism.
boydeer ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 14:55:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
if the woman doesn't want custody, she can give it to the guy. if she says "financial hardship", the guy will have to pay or he will have to take the kids. women having more rights isn't the patriarchy, and feminism is some crazy fucking kool aid.
A loser drug addict wants custody of the kids to get money whether it be child support to spend on drugs, welfare money to spend on drugs or food stamps to be traded 50 cents on the dollar to get drugs. Why on earth would she give the kids to the guy?? Not gonna happen.
boydeer ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 16:16:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
what i'm saying is women have the right to relinquish custody if they don't want it.
elfo222 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 15:12:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't say so either, but I don't think the concept of the patriarchy is an essentially feminist one either. This concept that all men are inherently privileged and have it easier in all aspects of life is ridiculous. This man lost his house and his livelihood because he was male, and then once he was out on the streets he likely there was likely no place for him to go as there are very few shelters for men or both genders as compared to those for just women. 'Male Privilege' right there.
Agreed. I added additional detail to the original post.
boydeer ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
women by default get custody. she just has to clean up a little, then you can tell the judge she's a junkie, and she tells the judge you beat her, and the judge believes her because she's a woman.
Shedya ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:27:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I find this so unfair, even though I'm a woman I just cannot understand why we get custody by default. It's like...Men automatically aren't "fit enough" to raise a kid on their own because they have a penis? Really, wtf, it should be discussed or something, it's a right they both have as long as they're decent people.
You know, I probably should. I have a couple of things that have happened during my lifetime that would probably qualify. BTW, I edited the original post with additional details about that morning.
We used to go to Florida every year for vacation when I was little. One year it snowed. There was no heat in our motel room. It was cold. It can happen.
Now I live in Arizona. I am cold when it gets 70 degrees and freak out when people visiting from the Midwest or Canada want to go swimming. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and they're in swimwear...
nwebb92 ยท 677 points ยท Posted at 10:48:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
This is my father's story. In 1975 he was 18 years old. The Lao Monarchy had fallen and communism had taken over. My family and almost everyone who was Hmong (minority group in Laos) had allied themselves with the Royal Lao Army & the American CIA. When the Kingdom of Laos fell; the new communist government released a statement saying; "They would exterminate the Hmong people to the last root."
Because my grandfather was a ranked official; under General Vang Pao (the Hmong Leader) he feared for the life of his family. When evacuation took place in mid May 1975; my grandparents and their 11 children were not allowed to board the planes as all the aircraft were packed to full capacity. They were told more planes would be coming, but none returned. So my grandfather decided that the only way to save his family was to travel by foot into Thailand.
While traveling through the jungles of Laos; my family were with other groups of Hmong people. A family in the group had three kids who were no older than 2 years old. Halfway through the trek, the patriarch of the other family comes to my dad and ask if my dad could help carry his son who barely knew how to crawl. My dad said yes, but my grandfather said if the baby started to cry or soldiers were seen my father would no longer carry the baby. (Meaning my dad's life would come first) The other man agreed as it was a desperate time. As they made their way across the jungle; they stumbled across group of Communist soldiers. Shots were fired and everyone ran. My dad remembers the father of the baby being shot dead and another child about 10 or 11 dieing in front of him. My dad continued to run with the baby in his arm. After running for a while, my dad was completely separated from his family. He was alone with a baby. He walks through the jungle towards Thailand; sobbing thinking his family were all dead.
After a few days, he stumbles across a herd of four Elephants. They are trumpeting very loudly. As my dad moves closer, he sees that an elephant had died and her front leg was destroyed. (Most likely due to a mine.) He carries on, but the baby he is carrying is very hungry and crying. My father has been feeding the baby water and things he can find from the jungle floor. My dad's worse fear is realized when he sees three communist soldiers. They can hear the baby and run towards my dad. My dad hides the baby under a bush and leaves. As my dad walks away he cant forgive himself for leaving the baby so he returns. He finds himself in front the soldiers. They have him on his knees and tell him that they are going to kill him and the child. My dad pleases with them in Lao. Luckily my dad was carrying my grandparents silver so he bargains with them and they escape with their lives.
Once at the Thai/Lao border he had to cross the Mekong River to the other side. The current was fast and the water was murky. Because he couldn't swim with the baby with him. He decided to build a make shift raft. As he searches for supplies he come upon a mass grave of 20 to 30 dead Hmong people by the riverbed. He panics and heads further south. But yet again soldiers emerge and the only thing he could do was jump into the river. So he plunges in with the baby. As he struggles to make his way to the other side, they open fire at him in the water. The strong current helps him and takes him further from the soldiers. He finally gets into Thailand and finds that the baby is not breathing. My dad tries desperately to revive the baby. He tries everything but finally he smacks the baby on the back a couple of times and it comes back to life. They walk on and finally arrive at a Refugee Camp. My dad can not find his parents or siblings anywhere. He cries, thinking they have died. Luckily my dad finds his uncle (Grandpa's younger 1st Cousin) there. My dad hands over the baby to his Aunt to breast feed since she too has an infant. My Grandparents arrive to the same exact camp about 2 weeks later. My dad has never been so happy in his life to see his family. Although, he discovers his 5 year older brother had been shot and died from his wounds.
Fast forward to 2014- My father is now 57 years old and he has 4 kids of his own and a a boy due this month on the 19th. The baby he carried across into Thailand was adopted by His Uncle & Aunt. I now call him Uncle Johnny. Uncle Johnny got married and now has 3 kids of his own.
[deleted] ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 11:06:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
those soldiers were just humans too and maybe they werent so much fucked up to kill a baby and his father .. so they took his silver to not appear "weak" maybe ? Who knows .. At least thats what i would do i guess if i were one of those soldiers.
Nazi soldiers sometimes did this in WWII. I don't get it either. Like, you're cruel enough that you'd outright shoot a man and a baby, but you have enough decency to keep your word not to shoot them after the man pays you not to.
because even if they have the capacity to do such things, they also dont want to feel like thieves, they are soldiers first, so they accept the deal because of that.
That's an amazing story and I am impressed your father had the strength to persevere through such a journey.
Also, totally unrelated but my birthday is on the 19th so if your brother arrives on time tell him a random stranger on the internet shares his birthday and wishes him well.
She was just relieved that I was okay. At the time, we didn't even realize what my "forgetting" had actually done. Everyone was both shocked and trying to figure out what had happened.
By the time the second plane hit, we were only shocked.
Don't be, I've told this story many times and I've gotten many questions in return.
Of the many things I saw that day I never expected to see in my life, the point of impact on towers 1 and 2 were not among them. Our classroom window, as large as it was, faced our sister school, Stuyvesant High, literally blocking out our view.
We only felt the ground shake a bit after each plane hit.
OP was in school only a few blocks away, so maybe?
mhende ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:07:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Highly unlikely they would be in a classroom that has a window facing the corrected direction, no other buildings in the way, and no reason to be watching the WTC on what was a perfectly normal day.
People have told me this too haha. The reason I say "may have" is because the 40th floor wasn't directly impacted by the plane. I think the impacted floors were 100 and up if I'm not mistaken?
Maybe the planes hitting wasn't some terrorist conspiracy. Maybe OP set in motion some very bad events when he went to the zoo that day. Events that wouldn't have happened if he hadn't gone. The future sent back those planes to take out Sarah Conner OPs mom to prevent those events
I think it's funny how in this situation everyone will say he saved her life, but if it were somehow reversed (say she had the day off but the kid needed something she left at work, so she went into the office to grab it, or something) and she died, nobody would dare say that the kid killed her.
Cheers! I had many teachers while I was there, I forget half of them. My favorites were Mr. Aboleda, the spanish teacher, he would always play spanish songs and make us learn them as a way to learn the language. My voice sucked but it was good stuff.
Alex, my social studies teacher was just that cool teacher that everyone liked, he made learning fun.
What year were you?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a spanish teacher named ms martinez. My homeroom teacher was Ms. Morel.
Same thing happened to my Aunt. In 93 when the first terrorist attack occurred my cousin was sick at school and she had to turn back mid commute. Turned out he faking to stay home. Second time he was legit sick and she stayed home to bring him to the doctor. She worked at a law firm and a number of people she worked with died. :-(
Edit- I'm going to check with my aunt, my cousin was a hypochondriac when he was older and i think i have the two events reversed. Turning around mid commute, is key to one of the events.
I go to Stuyvesant, which is across the street; I understand exactly how close that was. You also had the primary school on Greenwich and Chambers, which was a mere 5 blocks from ground zero.
RoAlZi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:53:22 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
007 You were James Bond Junior and saved your mom just like you had to do!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:42:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
After a PA announcement told us that there had been a "minor accident" at the WTC, we were ordered to evacuate our classrooms and head towards the cafeteria.
As we exited the classroom, I veered off in another direction and headed down a stairwell that led to the courtyard. The moment I stepped outside, I noticed that people across the fence were standing still, motionless. I then followed the direction their heads were facing and looked upwards and saw the towers wreathed in smoke and flame.
That was the moment I knew that whatever this was, it was a very big deal.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude that's awesome. I.S. 89 is so close to the WTC, what'd you guys do? I know that further uptown the teachers kept the schools on lockdown and waited for all the parents to come pick up their kids. Must have been terrifying to be that close, especially at such a young age.
Toad32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It is a great story indeed. I do believe that most people under where the plane hit did evacuate safely.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome story. Thanks for sharing. I have a question I genuinely interested in. I'm not into conspirilogy but could you ask her again did she really see an airplane?
The movie I saw insist that there were no planes and wtc was blown. All images we saw on tv is a fake and created in a computer.. I dont believe but could you please ask her just for me again?
I don't really know what to say man. She most definitely saw the plane hit the building, along with thousands of other people. She relieves the moment every time a plane flies overhead. It's why she's permanently afraid to fly nowadays.
justpat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You do not doubt 007!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I cannot imagine the wave of emotions your mom likely felt at that time. I mean, I'd be quite a bit frustrated having to drive over to my kid's school to sign a permission slip but damn, after that plane flew right over head into the tower...I don't even know what she would feel. Whoa. Good story and Happy Mother's Day!
Amazing story. My granddad was going to be on that very flight.
He had a phone call for work that lasted half an hour to get his promotion and missed his flight.
Scary stuff really.
shamoni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus dude, like some others in this thread, I too wanna fucking hug you. This story was so hard to read, I too am close to tears right now man. I swear to god, I'm just relieved.
OK, last summer I was a waiter on the deck of an outdoor restaurant overlooking Lake Michigan. Because there was a marina for super huge yachts next door, we occasionally got famous-to-semifamous customers.
One night, this big guy with a beard, cowboy hat, plaid button up, and douchey necklace comes in and sits down with his family. I was swamped at the time, so I didn't really notice him until the bartender goes "Dude, that's Toby Keith." I don't like country music, so I'm like "Oh, cool" and keep working.
Here's the kicker though; our signature drink of the summer was called the Red Solo Cup. For those who don't know (as I didn't), that's a famous Toby Keith song. So the manager brings a Red Solo Cup drink over and says "Mr. Keith, we named our drink of the summer after your song, so here's one for free." Toby goes "Thanks, that's so nice I'd be willing to take a picture with my waitress". So Toby and the waitress take the picture and the manager posts it to the restaurant Facebook page. All of a sudden people are buying him drinks and snapping pics left and right, and he's going along with it all. It was chaos.
So later that night, we're closing down and one of the waitresses goes "You know, if Toby Keith is so rich, why are his teeth so jacked up?" So we Google Toby Keith. Perfect teeth. We compare him to the Facebook picture with messed up teeth. So we checked Toby's tour schedule, and he played Chicago the previous night, so it was reasonable that he could be in Michigan by then.
So I Google "Toby Keith impersonator" and this guy pops up. A professional Toby Keith impersonator out of Detroit who impersonates Toby for parties and bars. I tweeted him and just said "Hey you don't know me but did you eat at Stafford's Pier in Harbor Springs, MI tonight?" Next day he tweets back "Yeah you know it". THIS GUY DRESSED UP AS A FAMOUS GUY AND GOT STRANGERS TO GET HIM DRUNK FOR FREE AT A RESTAURANT WITH A DRINK NAMED AFTER A TOBY KEITH SONG. IT WAS THE PERFECT CRIME.
tl;dr A guy dressed up as Toby Keith at the restaurant I worked at and convinced a ton of strangers to get him wasted for free, then admitted it to me on Twitter.
"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs,
"The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies."
While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
Crying to the moon,
"If only, If only."
I used to work in a restaurant in Manchester, England and this guy was a regular. These pics really don't do justice to how much he looked like de Niro. De Niro with a Manchester accent is a sight to behold. People used to buy him drinks and have their photos taken with him knowing full well he was just an impersonator.
anu26 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:42:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, such a missed opportunity to shout "YOU TALKIN TO ME?" repeatedly..
And being personable. Toby Keith lives just up the road from me, and is a regular around town. He's well known in the area for being an insufferable douche.
From what I've seen first hand and heard from those around town (especially in the service industry) he treats people as if he's entitled to be catered to by them. Something I would describe as an exaggerated version of the aloof celebrity mentality.
We've had Kid Rock their before, so now I'm wondering... Although I'm pretty sure he's a Michigan native so that's at least a little more believable. Either way I'm not a fan so I still don't care.
Kid is a native. Lives in Clarkston and does a ton to give back to local restaurants and community groups. So it very well could have been him. Not a fan his music, but he is a great guy for the state of Michigan
I dont know if it was the same guy but there was a Toby Keith impersonator at a restraunt in my town too. I wasnt there but girls that i knew went down there and took pics with him and everything. Wasnt until the next day that everyone realized he was a fake
Haha this is hilarious, it reminds me, my cousin's friend apparently looks like the guy from A New Found Glory, and their group once (I think more than once, actually) pretended to be that band to get free VIP service at a club in Mexico.
You're name made me laugh. In my science class my teacher calls this quiet kid Taylor when it's Tyler. He doesn't speak up about it but everyone else does. The teacher still calls him it. I can just see him making this account out of rage.
Yeah I'm actually a Petoskey native, I made the commute to Harbor because the money was better. Yummies is good but I went to Kilwin's a lot more growing up.
I had a friend that looked identical to BAM Margera(sp?)
We used to go to concerts and party and drink for free because of it. People were going nuts. It a
Was awesome and hilarious.
eemes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, wasn't Toby Keith the one who got shit faced on a cruise last year and got into a fight with an impersonator of his?
As someone who was a waiter on the deck of an outdoor restaurant on the beach in New Jersey last summer, this story hits home. Used to get a few celebrities a week as well, but now I'm a bit skeptical...
Yeah, there were a few regulars who we expected to see once or twice a summer (Tim Allen and Dan Dierdorf, for instance) and a lot of one offs who came on vacation. Last year we had Dave Matthews and Uncle Kracker, and rumor is Russell Crowe was there on a day I wasn't working. I wasn't a huge fan of most of the people who came in but they were usually really nice. Sufjan Stevens grew up in the Harbor Springs/Petoskey/Alanson area and I always wanted him to come in but he never did.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dear.Last week a friend of mine posted pics on facebook of her doing shots with "Toby Keith" I didn't think anything of it just that it was a weird place for him to show up.It could be him I'm not sure,I'm not even sure if I could tell her
Our town had this huge three day outdoor concert that featured Toby Keith as a headliner. That same guy flew in, teamed up with a Jason Aldean impersonator and ran all over the area the day before, taking pictures and signing autographs. I know a few people that fell for it.
suneyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At my university, a guy came in claiming he was Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. He wanted to give a million dollars to the school, so they gave him a tour while trying to confirm his story while he was out. Figured out he was a fake- he ended up going to a bathroom and escaping out a window LOL.
The best part is when he stopped by the orchestra hall while we were in rehearsal. We all KNEW he was NOT Nick Carter (he looked like 45 years old, weathered and leathery, with frosted spikey tips in his hair) so the situation was surreal, like an entire room full of people all side-eyeing and going along with it. Plus, he was clearly drunk and stank of vodka. Good times.
It's a design requirement. Commercial submarines need to synchronize with their pilots, and only 13 year olds are compatible enough. Japanese mechs operate under a similar system, which is why true anime fans always call mechs land submarines.
More like Neon Genesis Evangelion meets submarines. If you don't know what Evangelion is, you should check it out. More-so the recent movies, which have been re-telling the story of the series. They're called Evangelion 1.11 and 2.22. The third movie should be coming out in non-Japanese territories soon-ish, but the 4th has barely been started, if at all. They fucking kick ass, though. Just don't expect happy good-times out of it lol.
Yeah, I really wanted to go to a screening because I had just given the first two movies a chance after finding the series a little too whiny, but I didn't have one close enough for me to go. The DVD/Blu-Ray was supposed to come out in February, but it got delayed shortly before release and there's still no word on it.
as a poster said above, its Neon Genesis Evangelion, and before you watch the movies he mentioned (1.11, 2.22, 3.33) try to watch the original series, its very different to any other animes, and for many its considered a classic. the new films do a retelling of the story, but at some point it becomes a completely different story, which is good, but you might need to see the original series for context
I'm going to be honest with you: If you were /u/_vargas_, you would have received more karma for this quality post - with the single caveat you missed an opportunity using bad sexual innuendo references with Japanese schoolgirls. As such, I offer my single vote.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 08:09:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, there was just one of them - he was thirteen. 13 year olds would be weird.
jojoga ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:24:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
they are mostly yellow.. and we live in them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tour subs in hawaii
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Google atlantis and reefdancer maui
metans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They operate one in Lanzarote. I went on it last year, you get to see a few shipwrecks (probably intentional ones for tourists to look at) and there's a huge manta ray that follows the submarine because it knows there is a diver who will feed it. It's a great experience. And yes, it is a yellow submarine.
[deleted] ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 06:04:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Basically, I was cute and bouncy and a tourist, and the pilot and copilots thought I was adorable. I was asking questions about the fish and reefs. The copilot in the front (where I was) gave me his headset and I started talking to the copilot in the back, he thought I was adorable, too. I was invited to sit next to the pilot, and he put his arm around me and I kept asking questions about all the levers, and finally he sat me in his lap and had me drive, carefully directing me to pull the different levers and switch the switches. It was pretty neat.
I think she had to sit in his lap because he couldn't leave his chair, that way he could just push her off or reach over her if she did something wrong. I honestly think people are overreacting a little.
I fail to see how letting a fully clothed child sit on a fully clothed adults lap so that the child can enjoy piloting a submarine is in any way even remotely connected with unwanted sexual activity.
Any time a male and a female are seperated by a distance of less than 1 meter, it's rape, although a female may waive that right if she so choses. Didn't you know that?
That was unanimously decided in the International Kopenhagen Convention on Sexual Deviancy back in 1885 and signed into law by most countries (the Vatican, where it's only rape if the victim is older than 12 years, and the Free Republic of Kanderland, where it's considered impolite not to rape someone when you first meet them, being notable exceptions).
There have been some movements to get this law changed, with some pushing for 5 meters, while others think it should depend on location (0.5m in a subway car but around 5km when the male is at a sports event), but so far, none of them have been succesful.
Of course, some women have used this to their advantage, to get rid of bothersome males, as seen in this example. Notice the horrified look on the mans face while he's running for his life.
Of course this archaic law doesn't protect women from instances of rape at a distance (usually called RAD in the media), which has seen a worrying increase in the past couple of years. This has led to a lot of law makers proposing new laws to the effect that it's rape if someone calls it rape, no matter the distance, evidence nor what the afflicted parties themselves claim it to be, with a small corrolary that always allows it to be rape if it makes a good story.
Of course, these laws are quite unpopular with rapists around the world, since these laws would pretty much make their profession obsolete and cost them their livelyhood. This has led the National Rapist Association to hold several Rape Pride parades and rape strikes, with their official spokesman stating "I'll tear everyone who supports this new law a new one!".
No matter what your opinion on the matter, the next few years will definitely be turbulent and important ones for the culture of rape in general and professional rapists in particular.
TL;DR: So piloting a submarine is what they call it these days?
Dude, you should work for the onion. That was great.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:08:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And I am a rape victim but it's just immature, rude and irresponsible to try to label sitting in someone's lap as rape. Rape is evil and violating, not innocent and full of the wonder of the sea!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:37:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, she did say she was cute and... uh... bouncy.
13 year olds aren't cute. i'd let a 5 year old or something drive because they're cute. But thirteen year olds are just annoying. How long ago was this?
Reminds me of the time I went on a 2-month cruise as part of "Calpoly at Sea", a program at my university (California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo) where we got to hitch a ride with the California Maritime Academy's merchant marine training ship. We took regular college classes classes on board, and got to do whatever the hell we wanted when the ship made port for 3 days at a time in various different countries.
One of the things we got to do on the ship, though, was perform an engine room shift and a bridge shift. We were given a tour of the engine room, told how everything works and what the engine crew do, and then the same thing for the bridge. But the bridge part was way cooler, because they let us pilot the ship for a few minutes each.
And when it came to my turn, I'd watched the minor mistakes that my classmates had made before me, and figured out how to correct them. I drove such a straight line, directly on course despite medium seas, that the captain actually complimented me on my skill with the wheel! That totally made my day.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:16:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Next think you know your asshole is going to be on the front page of /r/GoneWild
macsta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:43:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is so cool. Thirteen year old me would have almost burst with pride. You must have been very composed to carry that off, a lot of your passengers were a bit scared but they were able to trust you. I think you should tell everyone you meet, even if it doesn't come up naturally in the conversation.
When I was 6, I drove a plane.
At least I thought so.
I was on my way home from Egypt with my parents. The pilot was an old family friend of ours and him and my dad go way back. And at the time, I was really into planes. Needless to say, the guy invited me into the pilot's cabin so I could "ride the plane" and for years I thought I actually did. Little did I know...
I drove a commercial submarine when I was thirteen.
Ashamed to admit that I imagined you sitting on a little yellow submarine in front of a greenscreen for a commercial until I read that second sentence... -_-
teddy5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got to turn a commercial plane when i was around 5-8, back when they would let people into the cockpit to talk to the pilot.
I'm pretty sure they just set it up to control from another stick but I moved it and the plane turned, then after a few degrees they took the controls back and straightened it.
Was the best feeling as a little kid and that was only a tiny little turn. Actually driving a sub must've been awesome.
When I was six I piloted the Stone Mountain steamboat. I was not strong enough to keep the wheel steady, and I was not tall enough to see out the window.
mkosmo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Near that same age, I got to drive a Bradley out near Fort Hood. Almost got to drive an Abrams, too... but I only had so much luck, I suppose.
Right place, right time, and a friendly tank commander -- ingredients for a childhood memory, for sure.
that reminds me of the time I flew a plane: I was 17 and my friends dad was the pilot and he just took his hands off the wheel thing(idk what its called) and said "grab it kid" It was a single prop, but still.
I dunno if this is weird, but when I was on a cruise ship, one of the ports of call required people take the life boats to get to the dock (too small for the ship).
I drove one from the ship to the dock. This had probably 50 people on board.
Weird, the thread said to tell a story, and while I'm sure there's a story somewhere nestled in that synopsis, it seems as if you aren't following OP's instructions.
TL;DR: Tell us why the fuck this happened.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:23:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did. Check my comment history, I replied to the first guy. I would link but I'm on mobile
A couple of months ago, my boyfriend and I were buying groceries. He stopped to look at a glass bottle of something, and it ended up slipping from his hands, and he thought to stick out his leg so it could cushion the fall or something like that. I took a step back at this exact moment, not realizing he dropped anything.
We fucking caught the bottle between our legs and just stood there, mouths agape at one another. I don't even think we could recreate that situation if we needed to.
[deleted] ยท 1191 points ยท Posted at 05:08:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, after that you guys already set up the wedding date?
I love stuff like this that just shouldn't happen. One time in high school I was at an after-party for some dance. We were drinking this Jager knockoff brand and eating Goldfish while we basked in our intoxication. I had a handful of Goldfish sitting on the end of a bed and this kid I kind of knew had the booze bottle in his hand sitting on the floor with his back against the wall that was about a persons length (let's call it 6 feet?) away from where I was sitting. I didn't really know many of the people I was with, they went to my high school and I just went to the after-party because my friend that was in their dance group invited me.
Anyway, I looked at this kid and he at me and with my last Goldfish I just tossed it to him for whatever reason. The cracker flew in the air, across the room, and landed right in the bottle without even touching the sides of the mouth, like a perfect swish. Now, I don't know if you've seen a Jager bottle lately, but the mouth of the bottle is about the exact size of a fucking Goldfish cracker. This kid just looked down at the bottle and snapped his head back up with the biggest surprised look on his face. I was afraid that he was pissed I ruined a perfectly good bottle of shitty alcohol, but he just started yelling and telling everyone how crazy of a shot it was. Everyone treated me like a celebrity for the rest of the night and it really helped me get to know the people at the party, many of whom I spent the rest of high school with. I'm pretty good friends with that kid now to this day, he helped fight off an alcoholic, knife-wielding cab driver last summer, which is also a pretty crazy story, but thats one for a different time.
So there we were, my brother and a couple of both of our friends were chilling and drinking at my house until the late hours of the night. My brother's friend wanted to go home but everyone was drunk. So being the responsible people we are, we called a cab to be safe, or so we thought. Time goes by and we take a few more shots when we finally get a call from the company to go outside because the cab is waiting. I dont know whos perspective to go from here so I'll kind of switch off. My brother's friend, we'll call Tim, walked out the front door and started toward the cab when he noticed there was no one in there. He thought it was strange, why would a driver leave his cab? It's not like he was waiting there for very long. Tim then looked over to my mom's then-boyfriend's truck that was in our driveway and saw the driver in the back getting something out of the bed of the truck.
So I'm sitting inside, still drinking with my friends, when I heard my friend (the same one from the Goldfish story), lets call him Jake, start yelling. This wasn't celebratory yelling like the other story, this was panicked, something-is-very-wrong yelling. "Stop! What are you doing? Get the fuck out of here!" I heard from inside. So I ran to the front door to find Tim held at knifepoint with the cab driver holding one of these fuckers right at his torso, essentially using the thing as a spear. He lunged once and barely missed him left. He lunged again and barely missed him right. After that we managed to get Tim inside the house and behind the glass door that is our front door. He still lunged against the door, scratching it with his spear and making a terrible sound.
After a couple seconds of realizing he couldn't get us he started back toward the driveway where the truck was. We were just relieved that he had left the area so we didn't really think about where he was going. After a minute we realized he wasn't getting back in the cab so we went to see what he was doing to make sure he wasn't going to fuck anything else up. Well one of my brother's friends ran over to the truck to find that the driver had shoved a foldable chair sheath into the fucking gas tank of the trunk. We later found burn marks on the sheath and realized he was trying to moltov cocktail the fucking thing. The friend threw this cab driver to the ground, ripped the sheath out of the gas tank, and started calling for reinforcements. Before we knew it there were four or five 19-21 year olds going to town on this drunk, confused cab driver like Patrick Kane in Chicago, except we were actually defending ourselves. And this driver wasn't small, he was built like a Russian shit-brickhouse that completely dwarfed even my biggest friend there at the time. After my brother threw a few haymakers at this guy we picked him up and threw him toward his cab all the while yelling at him to leave. He finally stumbled to the cab and got in the driver's seat and veeeerrrryyy slowly drove away down the street until he was gone. Looking back we probably should have just called the police but we had underage drinkers and the house was hotboxed with pot smoke so we figured it could wait until the morning. After the fight we had found that he had dropped and open knife somewhere in the scuffle, the same knife he used to cut free the branch trimmer and the same one he used to carve shit into each one of our cars. But at that point we were just happy he was gone
After we talked to the police the next day we found out two things. One was that he wasn't drunk, but he was a recovering alcoholic that hadn't drank in a few days, this caused his liver to start producing some funky chemicals that fucked with his head and supposedly caused all this. Now, how did the police already know this? Well apparently after we threw him in his cab he decided it would be a good idea to go to the local post office to assault a woman working there on federal property. This actually hurt us to hear, we could've gotten him arrested and he never would've hurt anyone again, but we didn't, and he did. And even after multiple calls to the cab company, they didn't take us seriously and at one point sounded annoyed with our concern that this maniac may pick up another unsuspecting victim, but they won't have their friends around to help if shit hits the fan (Fuck you 303 Taxi).
At the end of all this no one got hurt, but many people almost did. I'm happy we had a lot of friends there to help. I can't imagine if it had only been a couple of the 19 year old girls walking out to this driver, they could have been very hurt. Anyway a few months later at the end of summer my brother got a cab with my dad and his girlfriend to head to the airport to go back to school for the semester. Cab pulls in the driveway, and guess who the fuck was driving? Yup, Mr. Knife-Wielding Recovering Alcoholic Crazy cab driver. After all that shit that had happened he hadn't gone to jail, and more disheartening he still had his fucking job. My brother refused to get in and had to call another cab, almost missing the flight. It hurt to see that he still could go on with what he was doing after he scarred all of us, and more importantly the poor woman he assaulted that was just doing her job (at 3am no less).
shamoni ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:54:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's strange that kids smoking pot can get their lives ruined, but this crazy bastard can try to burn cars, assault kids, actually assault a federal employee and just get away with it. Just seems silly.
Yeah I was pretty upset to learn that that guy still had his job after all this. I guess we should've just planted a gram or something in his car then he'd be arrested instantly. I just don't know how he never got anything from this, it's like the police just spit in our face and said it didn't matter to them
shamoni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar once, but all on my own. I was playing at a volleyball match and was panicking because the ball was coming right at me and I knew none of my teammates were going to be able to get to it in time (I was terrible but I joined the team anyways. They all hated me.). I have practically no depth perception, but I went to bump it anyways and...the ball disappeared. I didn't hit it, but it didn't land either. Then I heard everyone laughing and looked down to see it miraculously caught between my knees. Somehow it came at just the right angle and my knees were just the right distance apart for it to wedge in between.
I don't remember how the refs ruled that one, but I think we had to redo the last serve because no one could decide if it was a foul or what.
I'm just trying to work out what situation would require parallel couple leg catching skills. I mean if it was a baby or some sort of nerve gas canister, I'd have to recommend you begin training yourself for such an occasion. The world/a baby relies on it.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:43:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh the ole "stick your leg out to gently transfer the direction of motion horizontally from vertically."
Good move by your guy.
Cakeo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:17:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I do that when I drop something! Just stick your foot out and hope for the best.
I was at a party and had one of those grabber things that old people use (and kids have em too but they look like sharks) anyway I was fuckin around with it by people playing beer pong and one of the balls bounces off the table and I snag it outta mid air with the thing! Shit was epic! Probably my proudest accomplishment.
Interesting you say "if we needed to" instead of if you wanted to. Sounds ore desperate and important your way. I have been saying this wrong all these years.
Related story: I was snowboarding with friends and I was behind the one holding our bottle of rum and coke. He dropped it and I snagged it off the bounce then took a swig. I think I ended up getting drunk for the first time that night.
teflon12 ยท 2308 points ยท Posted at 02:04:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a school underprivileged children. A students mom was in a custody battle with CPS and grandma and her. I had been aware the students mother was having her trial with the child services. One day she comes to visit class(which is allowed) she asks to hold her 5 yr old son. She scoops him up and rushes to the door. Turns out she lost her battle with the courts and tried to steal her son she just lost custody of . I abandon my class and rush after her. After hitting me and scratching I manage to remove her son, run inside, lock doors until cops arrive.
Saved the kid
sontato ยท 1304 points ยท Posted at 04:17:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, you'd think the people who gained custody would give enough fucks to tell the school.
[deleted] ยท 694 points ยท Posted at 05:31:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
BGYeti ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 08:37:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would assume the courts would at least notify the school, that is something that just seems common sense
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:35:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I would argue that because of situations like this, they should always notify immediately being as they obviously weren't able to tell she was going to do it.
If they weren't planning on changing the contact with the child, then they wouldn't have notified the school right away about the change in custody/legal status. Even if they were terminating the mom's parental rights, they'll sometimes leave visitation orders where the parent can visit the child at school or in whatever setting the court and adoptive parents deem appropriate. It's unusual for parents to try to abduct their children in these situations, so we don't notify the school unless there is some sort of known risk.
If the mom left court and immediately went over to the school, then I don't fault the court, social worker or the grandparents. If it was a day or two later, then I'd be annoyed and say they dropped the ball.
Parents abducting their kids is unusual and if the mom hadn't given any signs she might do something like this, then it wasn't a reasonable expectation for the school to be immediately notified. If the mom threatened to take the kid, tried to take the kid in the past or something along those lines, that should have been the first call to let the school know, but it doesn't sound like it was. Who knows, the person that posted this comment has limited information.
There are many circumstances that could happen in a child welfare case. We have to look at what is likely to happen and watch for signs of trouble, sometimes parents don't give signs they are about to do something or are doing something. I had a case where I returned a kid to his mom. She'd been doing great for three years prior to the child returning to her... After he was returned, she got pregnant by her abusive boyfriend and started doing drugs again. We didn't have any way to know this would happen, but it did. It sucked and the kid was removed again, but that's how life is. People do unpredictable stuff sometimes.
Child welfare is the most invasive form of government. We go into people's homes and remove their children when a determination is made that the kids are unsafe in the home. We do the best we can with the information provided, but it's not always perfect, far from perfect sometimes.
However, all bets are off if this was in Arizona because their child welfare department is all kinds of fucked up.
I don't think you get what I'm saying. Being as there weren't any signs for this, and I'm sure there aren't always signs, they should ALWAYS be notified immediately. Just in case.
You'd be surprised how slow the courts can be or how people get around it.
[deleted] ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 10:38:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
panatee ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:44:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Schools have a lot of kids to look after. My brothers ex wife disenrolled their 2 kids from school and flew to the other side of the world. No one stopped her, school never questioned it or called him... She did it twice.
Aikidi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:03:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually alarmed that this is not done immediately after the verdict is read.
"Better inform the only other people who can legally have custody of this child for any portion of the day" seems like common fucking sense.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:50:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Ideally, this information would be paramount and everybody would give a fuck. In actuality you you probably be horrified to find out how often disputes like this (and much worse) happen and it's depressingly commonplace.
And, think about the ramifications. Let's say verdict is read about custody; so ideally, that information would be sent out to the school ASAP (need insanely accurate, up-to-date database for every child's case and what school should know). Who else? Doctors, bus drivers, relatives, etc? And whose job is it to send that info? And then when the school gets it, the secretary sends it to whom, the teacher? What if it's a substitute that day? And if a parent shows up and tries to take the kid, who is responsible for stopping them? What if there are weapons involved? What if someone gets hurt? Can you see the legal ramifications and liability cases just piling up like fucking crazy? Let's say info it sent to school, parent comes to steal kid away, teacher tries to stop them, but parent is successful; teacher is now in a great position for a civil suit from other parent/guardian. Now schools, trying to avoid liability, are fenced off with concertina wire and have multiple doors that only open after the other preceding door is shut. Sign out of child from school is a god awful process of checklists and etc...school is now a prison, essentially. Buses are the weak point because any deranged ex-parent/guardian can stalk them, so how to avoid that clusterfuck?
Sometimes the world is just really shitty, and there's no reasonable answer. I know my above example is pretty "disaster-centered" but truly, it's the litigious world that we live in.
Why? The kid has no reason to be there. They are 5. Let them eat lunch, have fun, and learn instead of watching Mommy (who sucks at taking care of them) fight with Grandma(who probably cares a bit more.)
Are you kidding? That has the potential to be traumatic as fuck for the kid!
For reference, my parents went through a messy and vaguely violent divorce when I was 4. It was already horrible enough just knowing that my parents were fighting over me at all.
If I had to choose and didnt know anything about the person, I would side with the court. Rather trust them than a lady thats been told she can't bring up her own son.
:( when I was little I was constantly running in to my moms lit cigarettes. I don't know how I always managed it and it wasn't ever really her fault I would just run straight in to it then get burned, I'm so glad that it wasn't in these days my mom might have lost all three of us because of my being clumsy and unnatural attraction to lit cigarettes
Gertiel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:10 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure corrupt is the right word. At least not always. Sometimes people just don't get help because lawyers are so expensive, and end up making mistakes. I don't think that quite equals corruption exactly, though it does seem to point up how dependent on wealth our court system can be.
Bias, maybe? To me, money driven legal systems constitute corruption. It stands as another dividing barrier to the social classes in our country.
Gertiel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:54 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bias seems good. As far as the corruption argument goes, not saying it is exactly wrong. Just maybe a little one dimensional? Much like medicine, lawyers in this country must lay out a very considerable amount for education. Understandably, this means people need a certain amount of income expectation to justify the initial outlay. We'd have to redo our eduction system to provide free or low cost education to all in order to make a dent in this system. There are countries which have successfully made that shift to make education available to all their citizens, so it is possible. Just not seeing it as terribly probable in the near future here in the US, sadly.
I like that. I'm going to expand on that personally. That sounds like a wonderful idea.
Edit: I thought I remembered seeing recently about a state making higher education free in some way. I just worked 12 hours though. Really though you're onto something :D
kaluce ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:21:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
probably pretty fucking bad. Family court is bias toward keeping the kid with the mom in about 85% of all situations.
For the kid to have gone with the dad, it must've been a real bad scene. Possibly showed up drunk to the courtroom or was found shooting up in the bathroom or something. Hell, even if the kid wants to go with the dad, sometimes they'll still stick the kid with the mom.
Hell, my parents were fighting to keep a foster child and the courts insisted on keeping him with the mother even after they found her to be abusive and neglectful. She and her boyfriend even threaten to kill my parents in court and they still got to keep him! I have so many awful stories from thisn one case alone that are hard to believe. If I hadn't seen my family go through it I don't know of I could believe that such thongs happen. If this mom lost custody it means so most likely was a very bad mother.
Instead of of, it's if. Not something illegible. There's like one or two more errors, like a missing "do" and saying it instead of she, but it doesn't really warrant a "What the fuck?". :)
I'd love to. Hopefully it could help people understand and I'm sure it could dispel a lot of the bad impressions people might have about our line of work.
A friend of mine had been having a long custody battle with her ex. He wanted more child support and accused her of abuse and neglect. CPS investigated and found him to be the negligent parent (he is not a smart man). The judge, feeling sorry for the guy, allows him a supervised visit (with this man's parents being granted that power). He takes the kid and runs a state over and takes him to a hospital to prove yhe mother abused him...except there is no abuse. The kid was traumatized and the mother was beside herself. He still jas not faced charges for that. He also misses visits and calls and won't let the kid do things his age (like use a cup or the potty causing him tonhave accidents and be embarrassed). He tells his son that his mother hates him and wants to get rid of him and things like that. He still has rights. It takes a lot to lose your kids these days.
In a perfect world, our focus would be 100% the best interest of the child. Unfortunately, most states' regarding child welfare are written towards reunification of the family, which can prevent the actual best interest of the child being prioritized :/
We always try to work towards the benefit of the child but it's extremely difficult to uphold the law while doing so.
I understand. It's a sad thing. Some people really shouldn't be parents. It's sad when it's clear they don't want to be, but refuse to give up their rights because of the benefits they get or because they feel like their child belongs to them. Some people are clueless and others are downright selfish.
Just throwing this out here as I have dealt with a lot of cases like this, for all we know based on this information the mother just didn't make enough money (in the judges opinion) to keep her child and she resorted to desperate measures to get him back. A mothers love and bond for their child is incredibly strong, and due to life circumstances I have seen many mothers lose thier children to their own parents or sister or other family member, or in a worst case scenario the "system" which is orphanage or adoption agencys.
Or she could have been a meth addict.
All I'm saying is we can't judge someone until we know the exact situation the family is in.
I find this very hard to believe...
A) why would the mother run? Wouldn't she just walk away to make it less obvious as the teacher didn't know about the custody dispute
B) would you really chase down someone on the assumption that they are kidnapping their child? That seems very impulsive and even if knew there was a dispute going on if it was something else she probably would've lost her job and a law suit...
C) not really sure how you took someone's 5 year old child while they scratched you... Either your really strong or she's really weak...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah the guys story just doesn't add up. But hey, he got 1k+ internet points so, go him.
Yeah, I call think this is complete bullshit. OP tells the same story in a different thread, but instead of his "Super intendent" resigning in a week, this comment says he resigned. He has also posted pretty openly in /r/trees which leads me to believe this dude is not a teacher.
Are you really so brainwashed that you believe you saved a kid by letting CPS ruin their life even more... Wow...
ew1090 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:44:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The grandparents won custody. CPS hopefully wouldn't be in the picture for much longer.
jcruss ยท 2072 points ยท Posted at 02:03:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The real reason my immediate family skipped my wedding reception:
The night before my wedding, I (25) was driving to the house my family had rented to hang out with just my brother (the best man, 20), my father(54), and my uncle (my father's brother, 52). All of us are very close, and have never had any problems before. Also of note, my brother has extensive MMA experience, and is underage.
I expected it to be relaxed, just drinking, telling stories and general bullshitting. When I arrived (1 hr late) they were already completely trashed. My Uncle was the farthest gone. He kept walking into the neighborโs yard, trying to fight the guy who lived there. He would wander over, shout obscenities, and I would escort him back, while my brother and dad encouraged him. At one point, my I was distracted a little too long, and he disappeared. I went over to the house, to see if he was there, and my dad and brother followed me. The owner came out again, obviously pissed, and I talked him down...but my dad overheard the owner say that my uncle was "an out of control jackass." Dad took a swing at the guy, and missed, because my brother decked him (My brother did this, because he was terrified the cops would come and arrest him for being underage. Again, heavily inebriated.) They ended up in an all out brawl, in the middle of the street. My brother choked my dad out completely in a matter of seconds, and then started walking around like he just won a world championship.
During this, I'm just begging the owner to let me handle this and not call the police (still haven't found my uncle). As soon as I saw what happened to my dad, I ran over to him, only to be pushed away. He got up, and headed back to the house fuming.
I returned to the owner, and again, thanked him for his discretion and gave him my number to call if anything else happened.
I went back to the house to get my car keys to start searching for my uncle, but now my dad is gone. I asked my brother where he went and he replied "Bastard took the last of the Jack and left. Don't care." Great, so now both my father and uncle were gone. So I got in my car and headed to the police station, to see if either of them had been picked up. Got almost all of the way there when I got a call from my dad, but when I answered it, an MP responded. He asked if I was anon and I said yes. He told me that he caught my father climbing the wall of the military base (a part with lots of tourism, nothing important, plus there was a graduation that week, so the guards knew shenanigans were going to happen), and that I needed to pick him up. When I got there, there were 6 Navy MPs around him, and he had handcuffs on. They took off the cuffs and he thanked each and every one of them for their service to our โfine countryโ (no shit) and they let us go. Really awesome of them, I know. He didnโt talk to me the whole way home.
Finally, 2 hrs later, the neighbor called, telling me that my uncle was back, passed out in his yard. He said that my uncle had unlatched there gate, attempted to flip them off, and then passed out. No idea where he had been before this and my uncle obviously didnโt remember. Everything wrapped up around 5am.
I got married the next day at 2pm. I got 2hrs of sleep, but no hangover since I didnโt drink. My family was so embarrassed/mad with each other (I thought my aunt and mom were going to kill them), that they stayed for the ceremony only. My wife and I told everyone that they got food poisoning from some restaurant, and it messed with the schedule of events (no best man, mother-groom dance, plus two entire unfilled tables). Got sworn to secrecy, so now Iโm telling strangers on the internet.
TL;DR My brother, dad, and uncle got hammered, fought each other and miraculously didnโt get arrested and only sort of ruined the wedding.
[deleted] ยท 1313 points ยท Posted at 03:58:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You've got a really nice lady if she heard all that and still agreed to marry into the family.
Sometimes it's more like one person marrying out of their family than marrying into yours.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:04:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, I'm more excited to be getting out of my family than getting into my boyfriend's family.
Bwhite1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:11:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. That statement was an epiphany for me. My wife married into mine, but more importantly married out of hers. Now (10 months later) she wants a divorce but is trying to keep her relationships with my family, she has been failing miserably so far.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:30:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's really sad. I hope you guys are able to figure it out amicably. Best wishes.
That's gotta be annoying as shit for the MPs. If they ever let somone go and that person tries to get into the base again or commits more crimes it's potentially their ass on the line for letting a "dangerous" person go.
The point is that if it's a section of the base that is so lax about something like that, it's not a very important part of the base. Fort McCoy in WI is one example. it's an open base, civilians can just roll up to the front gate, show id and go in for certain MWR activities that might be going on that day. I've been all over the place on that base and never was in any branch of the military.
You can also get onto the base for their small ski "mountain" by just turning off of the highway and going down a dirt road. Follow those roads back further past the ranges and on certain days you can watch tanks blowing shit up. No guards or anything because even though it's a huge base, it must not be one that is too crazy as far as security.
MPs have very limited authority over civillians. We may detain but not apprehend civillians and that is even limited to on base only. Their detention is usually only long enough to turn them over to civilian police who could then make the determination to charge them with trespassing.
Usually if you're not carrying a backpack full of c4 they'll just detain you for a few minutes and then escort you out. But YMMV, depends on a lot of factors.
mikbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy's story: It's evening, September 11th, 2001. Base is locked down. Everyone's in full out lose your shit mode, still not really sure what happened. They stuck a rifle in is hand, gave him a radio, and set him down to watch the perimeter. Mind you, we're Air Force, so our combat training consists of like 3 day of classroom training before sticking a gun in our hand and telling us to defend the base.
Guy wearing a backpack jumps the fence. As far as we know, further attack are planned. My buddy is probably about 3 seconds from shooting the guy. Fortunately, when he radios it in, SF has somebody in a humvee nearby and they apprehend the dude.
Apparently, dumb ass fence jumper who almost got shot was off duty, maybe sleeping, when called in, stuck his uniform in the pack, and when he saw there was like a 4 hour wait to get on base, he decided to jump the fence.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:55:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My father was AF and stationed at a base where surrounding traffic was so bad that 4 hour arrive/depart times were nothing unheard of (the military owned all of the land north of the highway and the south was bordered by water. S.O.L.).
I completely understand where this guy was coming from.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:51:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tried climbing military base , got shot, directions unclear
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:50:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid we used to explore storm drains around town. One led to the base and the opening was covered by a grate and some mesh fencing. The grate had a broken lock on it and we were easily able to get onto the back of the base. Found out later that the area we had gotten into was the live fire area. Could've been real bad.
This was back in the mid 90's so I'm sure security is a lot tighter now.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not really. It isn't particularly hard to get on a base anyways. Hell, when I visited my friend at camp Pendleton all he told me I needed to do was show ID at the base and say "I am visiting a friend".
The barbed wire fences at faslane (submarine base in Scotland) got jumped one day by peace protesters and they actual got past two massive gates and stood on top of a submarine. The security is strict as fuck now though.
larjew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well if you go out with the specific goal of getting in somewhere it isn't that difficult, this was just some drunk guy without any equipment though(carpet/gloves/distractions).
A couple years ago, the PA system in my building announced that security forces were looking for a man who hopped the fence at our base and to let them know if anyone saw anything suspicious. They gave a brief description of him, and we didn't hear anything else for a couple hours. About two hours later, the PA comes on again saying they couldn't find him and are canceling the alert.
TL;DR: Air Force Security Forces work the same way as guards in Metal Gear Solid.
Okay, I've been wondering this for a while now. What does MP stand for? Cause the only thing I can think of is Member of Parliament. And I'm pretty sure that's wrong.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:34:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Except for the Navy they're called SP for Shore Patrol. Could also be Master-at-Arms
KevZero ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:25:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, that story could have ended in a thousand different ways. I'm happy for you, your wife, your dad, your uncle and your brother. Sounds like a lot of pissed-up shenanigans that should all just be water under the bridge. But it could've been much worse. I hope these guys realize that.
Also, I totally agree with /u/Phaeorith - you got one hell of a girl that can just shrug that off and marry you after that ordeal. Keep that girl, man. Clearly, she loves you.
And clearly, you are the voice of reason in your family. I hope you can continue to be the one who keeps those jackasses from getting out of hand. But, at the same time, here's some advice: don't let their shit splatter on you. You and your lady have a good life ahead. Keep your eyes focused on the what's right. Another night like that, might not have such a happy ending.
That being said, congratulations on your marriage (you didn't say how long ago this story was, but whatever); and, that's one hell of a send up! Kudos to your boys for really letting 'er rip, without actually turning it into an FBI crime scene! :P
to quote Justified (and probably an expression): If you meet and asshold in the morning, you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you're the asshole.
hey man sorry to hear about that it must have been hell for you. as an Irish person thats how way too many weddings end up here (sans military police )
losian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:38:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's some A+ family right there; thanks guys.
nabsrd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:59:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My pregnant and overdue wife was having strong contractions so we dropped off our 3 year-old daughter at our babysitter's house on our way to the hospital. We met our midwife there and after an exam, we were told my wife wasn't quite ready to deliver. So our midwife told my wife to head home, have a warm bath, and call her in the morning. Didn't look like it was going to happen that night.
We thought, dammit, false alarm. So we decided to pick up our daughter from the babysitter's on our way home. I put our daughter to bed and my wife poured a bath. My wife wanted privacy, so I sat in the living room down the hall.
Her groans were getting progressively stronger. I had bookmarked a website I found a week or so before about how to home deliver a baby (just in case, my wife was a week late) so I quickly grabbed the laptop for a refresher.
My wife finished her bath so I handed her a towel and just like that, her water broke all over the bathroom floor. She kept groaning and then said she felt like she had to push. I was on my hands and knees with a towel cleaning when I looked up and saw the wrinkly head of my daughter. My wife asks, "Am I crowning??" and I nervously say, "oh no, no, not at all, uh, maybe you should go lay down, be there in a minute!"
So I quickly called our midwife and told her she better come over. I grabbed a bunch of towels from the closet and ran to our bedroom. She was already pushing, so I laid the towels out around the delivery area, held her hand, and told her we could do this.
Amazingly, after about 5 pushes, my daughter's head started coming out. After adjusting her shoulder to stop her from tearing out of there, she slid into my arms. With the umbilical cord still attached I put her on her mom's chest and covered her with the remaining clean towels.
A few minutes later our midwife arrived, and I got to cut the umbilical cord right there in our bedroom. We filled out a bunch of paperwork, weighed my daughter, and she gave us some pointers. And then she left for the night.
It all worked out. My daughter is 2.5 years old and she is a perfectly healthy, beautiful little girl.
Happy Mother's Day to my amazing wife and to all the mom's out there!
Simify ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 12:10:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck is this a story you never get to tell
great job, as a Paramedic child delivery is really easy (IN theory) just Catch and Cut, but I always used the best drug possible when PT. had Immanent labor...Diesel tell that EMT to drive faster or else he is gonna have one hell of a mess to clean.
Plubbe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations to you, and good on you for being so calm and prepared. You handled the situation beautifully and I bet you'll be a great father! Good luck!
Wtf I started laughing my ass off at "my daughter is 2.5 years old"
sardiath ยท 2965 points ยท Posted at 03:38:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
My friend who I'll call Stan and I were driving around in what happened to be the same night as prom. He gets pulled over for speeding like, the third time that month so he's pretty fucked if he gets a ticket. The cop gets to the car and asks for license, registration, and proof of insurance. All Stan has is his license, and the glove box is fu
ll of firecrackers so if he even opens it to look we're fucked. So he's making up some bullshit to the cop about why he doesn't have his registration when suddenly the cop halls asks him, "Are you headed to prom?" Stan tells him that yes, of course we are. The cop asks "Oh yeah, well then where's your date?" At that point Stan reaches over, pats my thigh and says lovingly "This man right here's my date." The officer gets this dreamy look in his eyes and says, "You know, I'm gonna let you boys go. You have a great night at prom. I never got to go to mine..." and walks back to his cruiser and drives away.
TL;DR And that's the way my buddy got out of ticket by implying I was his gay lover.
Edit: To answer some questions, he was in a suit from some event he had earlier that day, I was in like silk Hawaiian shirt that looked like a dress shirt in the dark.
The LGBT community in my area has a "try-again prom" for people that never got to go to their prom in high school the way they would have liked to. I think it's a wonderful idea.
I think it's the "dreamy look" combined with him saying he never got to go to his immediately after coming to the conclusion they were gay. Pretty strongly implies, at least to me, that he was someone who had been in the same situation in a different time when he didn't have that option.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:02:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Valid points, but I still don't think you can extrapolate it to a definite conclusion.
Could have had a dreamy look because he himself had a homosexual child, or simply because he respected the quick-thinking response of the guy.
There are also plenty of reasons to miss your prom / graduation than simply being gay.
I'm not really fussed either way, I just think sometimes people get carried away with the assumption that all police are one and the same with the same moral and ethical beliefs.
Couldn't possibly be that the officer wasn't actually concerned about the gender of them at all, and was merely having a moment of nostalgia in regard to his own life (shockingly he may not even be gay -!!!!), huh...
amazing! reminds me of a story of my buddy and me from college. we went to school at a fairly small college and this was back before we realized that no on really cared about you getting high in your rooms. so we used to roll joints and smoke in the dugout of the baseball field, which didn't have a fence or gate (small schools...). One night, we were finishing up and we're coming out of the bushes when campus security rolled up in their golf cart. Now a rent-a-cop in a golf cart isn't usually a scary prospect, but when you're as baked as we were, it may as well have been the damn FBI. he pulls up and says "what were you two doing back there." without thinking, i simply say "we were just fooling around" not meaning to imply anything by that. its just what my high brain came up with. he looked at us with judgement dripping from his eyes and simply said "careful....you know we got cameras" and drove away quickly. needless to say, i don't think he wanted the image of whatever he thought was going on in his head.
TL;DR Buddy and I accidentally make security guard think we were "fooling around" instead of smoking weed on campus
losian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I see this I like to imagine it's one of those "the rapper known as" kinda things.. The friend's name is simply "friend who I'll call Stan."
ITGCYS ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:38:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Funny story, but I don't really believe it. Were you dressed for prom? If you weren't dressed for prom, I don't see how anyone would believe that you're on your way to prom.
One of my best friends and I used to talk about stuff we'd found on reddit, and eventually he asked me my username. I told him I was /u/_vargas_, because I thought he'd recognise the name, laugh, and demand my real one.
Instead he went and upvoted a bunch of Vargas's posts, and sent him a message saying 'I found you.'
TL:DR: I'm responsible for the creepy PMs in Vargas's inbox.
P.S. I told my friend the truth, but never sent an explanation to vargas. I'm going to take this chance to publicly apologise to him. But I'm a woman, so I'm surprised all of vargas' posts about his penis didn't tip my friend off.
I thought we all agreed that if this situation arises we were all saying /u/unidan
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:50:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know there was one dude who got laid a couple of years back by telling some chick he was /u/andrewsmith1986, so I thought that's who we were telling people we were...
Epick ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:22:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I just searched /r/outoftheloop in case anyone else was curious. Turns out he's just a popular redditor that comments on just about everything.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:11:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
not "who," but "what," I don't think you could call it human.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:38:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
See, I'd do this, but my friends would never believe I'd be as cool as /u/_vargas_ or any of the other well known Reddit personalities! Take it as a compliment?? :p
I wonder how many people I can get to believe I'm /u/unidan. Probably none. As soon as they see the first post they'd be like "No way that ditzy blonde is that smart".
Unidan ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 20:38:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My late grandfather told me this story about his honeymoon with my grandmother in the 1940s.
My grandparents lived their entire lives in Brooklyn, NY, from birth until retirement. As the children of Italian immigrants, they were not particularly wealthy, so they spent their honeymoon on the neighboring island of Manhattan. One night, while on a leisurely stroll about the City, some jackass runs smack into them, knocking my grandmother into the street.
After helping his wife to her feet, my grandfather rounded on the interloper, grabbed him by the collar, and lifted him off the ground. As my grandfather brought his fist back break the man's nose he recognized the gentleman he was holding. It was Frank Sinatra. The Frank Sinatra. Ol' Blue Eyes. The Chairman of the Board.
It was then that my grandfather looked over his shoulder and saw a mob of screaming young women running their way. Now fully comprehending the situation, my grandfather said "Look where you're going next time, will ya?" The man nodded as my grandfather let go of him and with a slight shove shouted, "Run, Frank, run!" And with that, the leader of the Rat Pack ran off into night as the gaggle of rabid fans followed him.
TL;DR: Grandma and grandpa run into a celebrity.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 14:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"TL;DR: A celebrity ran into grandma and grandpa"
FTFY
:D
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:10:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Aww, man, you ain't never met no Frank Sinatra..."
sik_dik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
he beat Joe Louis's ass.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:31:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow.
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:08:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jimmy Buffet used to hang around Gulf Shores, Alabama sometimes back in the 80s. My parents were out one night and he was at the same bar they were. I guess he was pretty plastered because he got up from his booth to sing, stumbled snd fell on my mom. Later, he walked in on my dad in the bathroom but instead of just saying excuse me and leaving, he apologizes to my dad and continues to stand there and talk to him while he finishes pissing. Great stuff, lol.
Zoraver ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 11:47:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Sir, change your tl;dr to ' Grandparents run into Frank Sinatra'. Not just any celeb!
stevod5 ยท 596 points ยท Posted at 03:16:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I worked in customer service, on the phone for a prominent sports company. There were about 8 of us pretty close knit and I was new to the company so not as close to everyone. I walk in to work and it's the first day of the year and it was like my second month in. I couple of people get laid off and one was a guy who was "inside sales" who had this goldfish that was like 2 years old. Apparently, everyone was given a goldfish a couple of years back and this guy kept it alive for quite some time, impressive to say the least. He was always changing the water and feeding this thing like it was a dog. So, being new everyone was like, give the fish to the new guy. I wasn't too happy because if was one more damn thing that I had to worry about. So they put it on my desk and I went to break. I come back and the fish is dead. For the 2 and a half hellish years I was there my nickname became "killer". It was pretty ironic that he get laid off and his fish died the same day.
[deleted] ยท 468 points ยท Posted at 05:23:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 8th grade, we had this freak bio teacher. He was insane.
I am on mobile so I won't tell all the things he made us do through that year, but once he asked us to bring some fish shop fish to lab.
Once in the lab, he proceeded to shock my fish with some wires connected to a 9V battery. Both stopped swimming and looked dead.
He then shocked them again and onlu half of their bodies started moving. He did it again and paralyzed them fully once more. He did it once more and he brought them back to normal and then I intervened.
I kept those fish for almost a year and a half. They were the fish that lasted the longest of all the fish I had ever had.
I never gave them any particular names other than the electric sardines, but they always made me think of Chinchou and Lanturn.
That's insane, yet oddly adorable! I had a goldfish that my mom won for me when I was 5 in one of those stereotypical Carnival Ping-Pong Games, and I named him Goldeen because I didn't like much except pokemon in Kindergarten. The fucker ended up living for a good 3 more years at least, eating the other fish in his tank, then getting so large that we had to transfer him to my neighbor's larger tank to contain his unquencheable bloodlust. Fish are fucking weird.
i know this post is a little bit old but i would really appreciate it if you would post or PM me some of the other stuff your teacher did. and whatever he did to get fired.
....i like stories about crazy people ._.;
TaranK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking Lanturn, survived the shocks cause of the mad sp.def it has.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Actually it was Volt Absorb...
TaranK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:11:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A recent study now concludes that fish lack the necessary pain receptors in their brains to experience pain the way humans and other animals do.
And:
Critics, however, say the scientists are ignoring several other studies that contradict their findings.
In a 2003 study, fish were injected in the lips with bee venom or an acid solution. The fish reacted immediately, rubbing their lips on the side or bottom of their tank, rocking from side to side and breathing at a rate comparable to that of a fish swimming at top speed, New Scientist reports.
And a 2009 study found that after experiencing a painful event, fish demonstrated defensive or avoidance behaviors, indicating the fish felt pain and remembered it.
Plus, the study that claimed this was for a journal called Fish and Fisheries, dedicated to...fishing and fisheries. They're probably not going to publish an article saying that fish can feel pain.
You're a fucking jackass. A goldfish is much smaller than the fish used in these experiments... But there's no point in arguing with such a fool, you chose to believe whatever you want, no matter how ignorant it may be to actual facts, and you will pick and choose the parts of articles you want to base your arguments around no matter how factual an issue is. So in your pathetic brainwashed mind a goldfish feels pain. I feel sorry for you.
Okay, so, notice how in my comment all I did was point out and quote sections from your sourced material that I felt contradicted your point? And your first reaction was to insult me, ignore my points, and declare yourself the most intelligent person of the two of us. See the problem?
It is pretty much impossible for an animal not to feel pain. Evolution would not allow it. Pain isn't just a minor inconvenience, it is important to be able to distinguish whether your body is functioning properly or not. Any living beings that cannot feel pain are not likely at all to survive for long, and thus not likely to reproduce, yadda-yadda, I'm sure I don't have to explain evolution to you. It just doesn't. Make. Sense. Scientifically.
Whilst it is most likely they don't feel pain as we do, considering their nervous system is very different, they must feel pain somehow.
People should realize that a goldfish' lifespan can be pretty long. Our goldfish lived up to the age of 15, and it could've been longer if it was still ours. We sold our restaurant, with the aquarium and all. One day, a random guy knocked on our door, asking us for advice for the fish aquarium. Turns out the owners were on holiday and left the fishes in his care. Both parties did an awful job. The owners didn't clean the aquarium enough so algae would take oxygen of the fishes. The guy suspected something was wrong but never took care of that giant old goldfish, who's actually dead but floated around as if it were alive. It hurted a bit, since we raised that fish from the beginning of our career, and because someone else didn't take care of it, it had to die. Fifteen years is a feat for a goldfish. Actually, our story's quite similar, Mr. Killer.
Gallein ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is correct. Especially if the fish was in a bowl on the desk, it was being poisoned by its own waste and probably stunted. It's days were numbered.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:13:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when my friend moved to Venezuela so he gave me his fish and i thought it was awesome. I promised him i would take good care of them. A few days later i notice their water is dirty so i change it. Nothing out of the ordinary just 11 year old me filling up their tank with tap water and putting them back in then going back to my room to do whatevet it is that i used to do when i was 11. I come out after 2 hours or so and see them both dead. I wasnt truly devasted but i was sorta sad. I felt better after throwing their dead little corpses against the wall multiple times with my friends.
stevod5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:39:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus man keep a consistent story that was a pain to read
Koiq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's not ironic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
it must have been like raaaaaiiiiin on his wedding day
[deleted] ยท 2823 points ยท Posted at 01:31:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a guy ran up to a girl from her behind. The guy thought that was his girlfriend so he grab her butt and tried to kiss her. The girl was freaked out and pepper sprayed him. His real girlfriend was behind watching the whole thing from a distance and called him a dumbass.
[deleted] ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 04:56:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing happened to me in Vegas. Drunk me walks over to a roulette table and grabs "my wife's" boobies from behind and kissed her neck. Turns out it was her sister who was standing right next to my wife (they really do look very similar from behind). They both took it cool and laughed...as did everyone else on the table. I won't ever hear the end of it though!
You think that's bad? I was recently hung out with my friend and his little sister, who's 17. She used the word swag. A lot. Won a hand of poker. "Swag". It was fairly easy to resist the temptation to kill myself though; there're lots of stuff I'd like to do before I die.
My husband and I jokingly say "lol" to each other. I've caught myself saying it in public...and then I awkwardly change it to "Laaaahahahahaha" so I just sound like I'm a weirdo singing my laughter. =.=
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:58:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago a friend was telling me a "funny" story. I wasn't finding the story to be funny in the slightest bit, so I was barely listening to her. When she finished telling it she was laughing, but I accidentally said "el oh el." I wasn't even smiling. I just said it without thinking, because she was laughing, I had hardly been listening to her, and needed to respond with something. I was extremely ashamed. I did however start laughing, and had to tell her what had just happened. She wasn't amused. I never did it again though.
TL;DR I was a dumbass, and accidentally said "el oh el" out loud, without even actually laughing or smiling.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:07:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You had to resist the temptation to blow your brains out. I would think the temptation to not blow your brains out would be one's normal state.
You had to resist the temptation to blow your brains out. If you resisted the temptation not to blow your brains out, you would've blown your brains out.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 02:45:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
3_14159 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:52:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean average intelligence? If she has even a tiny bit of intelligence, then blowing her brains out would decrease the net intelligence, but may increase average intelligence (except if she is above average in intelligence in the room).
Daiwon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like the perfect time to use 'lol' IRL. I'd use it to indicate something is funny, but in a moronic sense. Lol is best used to mock the situation.
When I first saw people using lol I just assumed that it meant the same thing as in Dutch. Took me a while to figure out it stands for laugh out loud. Though it doesn't really matter, but can be used in the settings they're commonly used in.
I used to play a game with a girl where you sneak up on each other and slap them in the face and yell penis. One day I was waiting in the lunch line and slapped a random girl and shouted penis in her face... My girl was in the other line 5 feet away...
I was at a swimming pool in France at a campsite about 6 years ago and was in the pool, and both my sisters were about and so was my brother, as were a large number of other kids.
I should say I have incredibly bad eyesight, and wasn't wearing glasses, my youngest sister who was maybe 8 or 9 at the time was wearing a bright green swimsuit and has bright red hair. I saw a girl sitting on the edge of the pool just dangling her feet in that fitted that description exactly, so swam under the water, came up below her and grabbed her feet, pulled her in thinking it was my sister.
It was not. I realised this, panicked (while this girl is thrashing around trying to swim) and I just swum away under the water, got out quickly , and just walked as fast as I could back to the place we were staying as everyone was focused on this girl.
I was informed later by my sisters that she didn't drown or anything so everything was okay.
mariojt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:24:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
plot twist: he did it on purpose
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:27:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: The girl that pepper sprayed him actuallt was his girlfriend.
Ahmrael ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:02:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A dumbass did this to my girlfriend at water world several years back, only he full on kissed her. I probably would have relieved him of a few teeth if his sister hadn't so profusely apologized.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 12:24:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, you've got to be a bit of a moron to go up to someone's face and kiss it without knowing whose face it is. Going up from behind and grabbing someone could be an honest mistake, but kissing someone else's girlfriend and then going 'whoops, my bad' is pretty hard to do. I can see why the guy was annoyed. And the 'relieving him of teeth' thing was likely just hyperbole.
Ahmrael ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:56:09 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What!?! Really? Some guy full on kisses my girlfriend and I'm the asshole?
3mon ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 13:31:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
me 2
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:29:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:45:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just curious, but why? It's not like it was intentional or anything.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:53:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who the hell would even try to do that to their girlfriend in public? Ick.
Sretsam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This very nearly happened to me at a costco. Luckily I realized last minute, and did not slap the ass of the random lady in front of me who looked sort of like my then girlfriend from behind.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:07:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well. I guess that's one good thing about being single. I won't have to worry about accidentally doing something like that.
I dated a girl who had an identical twin. Same haircuts, style of dress etc. Only goosed her sister from behind once. Would have been awesome if she didn't have the exact same tits as her sister...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a classroom and this 14 year old 7th grader (he's AT LEAST 14.. Looks about 16 honestly. Many kids in this district repeat a few grades) kept teasing this girl. It was clear they liked each other, he'd take her candy, she'd playfully fight with him to get it back... All of that really annoying childish shit. Finally I had to crack down and tell him he was being inappropriate bc he came from behind her, wrapped his hands around her, and started tugging on her pants. When I told him he couldn't do that he got all huffy and confrontational. His defense? "Yo, this my cousin!"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. Seriously, who does that to their cousin? Also, why was he's a 14 year old 7th grader? Got held back twice?
I don't but the school is extremely low income. Nearly every student is on a free lunch/breakfast plan.
Actually, one of the first conversations I had with a teacher there was on a lunch duty. His words: "Man... These kids be all kissin' on each other.... You know no one leaves this town... I be like, 'Y'all two be kiss in' on each other... You both look alike. Do you know who your fathers are?' You know these kids is inbred!"
After being there a few years... Yeah. I can see it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dang. My school is like half and half. It's weird. You got wealthy suburban kids and kids from the low income ghetto going to the same school.
Yeah that's what my alma mater was. This school is a perfect example of flat out racism. The surrounding schools have no more than 10% minorities. This one is a "minority majority" school, where you can count the whites in the school on one hand.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school is more diverse. I believe it's 44% White. 32% Hispanics. 25% Asians. 10% Black.
Something like that happened to me. I was walking to my apartment when I see my girlfriend farther down the street. I yell her name and start yelling a conversation for like 15 seconds. We take the same elevator as I realize, holy shit, this isn't my girlfriend. her name, however, was the same as my girl's. She thought I was some stalker for a second until I explained. Pretty hilarious ride up.
Jigsus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who the hell has pepper spray in hand all the time ready to shoot?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few girls I know. My sister carry one 24/7.
Jigsus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In her hand ready to spray any guy that comes up from behind her?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She used it really fast after that guy came up from behind her.
I almost grabbed a strangers ass at the craps table earlier, thinking it was my husband. I noticed in time though, before I grabbed some poor guy's butt and gave him a heart attack.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe. But he'd probably just jump a mile. My husband's hair is pretty much totally grey and that feature what what made me decide it was him (I was way hungover from a music festival this weekend and not really thinking clearly). When I said heart attack, I meant it. The guy I almost grabbed was pretty old.
fucking shitlord rapist needs to be fucking killed.
[deleted] ยท 3382 points ยท Posted at 04:05:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was walking down the street once, a backpack on my shoulder to go to school, and I had work after school that day, so naturally I had some extra clothes in my backpack, plus the two sticks of deodorant that I keep on me at all times. I had a good $300.00 in my wallet, and was only $150.00 away from getting that new flat screen TV. That's when I see him. A homeless guy, looking down on his luck, sitting next to a really sick looking dog. No sign, no money cup, just a man and his dog. Now I've seen this before, as I live in the city, and it may sound stupid, but this one was different. I kinda walk up to him, and ask him "what's wrong?" "I don't have enough money to get help for my dog." he says. "I tried to sell a necklace that I had, but they only gave me $50.00 for it." So after about a minute of talking to the guy and thinking about it, I tell him, "I believe you, man, what's your name?" he tells me his name, I tell him mine. "Well, Rob, I like you. I'm going to give you $250.00, a stick of deodorant, and some help. My friend works at the gas station just down the street, you know, the Marathon? He's got a guest room, and can probably get you a job, You down?". So I call my aforementioned buddy, Derek, and ask him if he's got room in his place for someone to get back on their feet and if there are any job openings at the station. Sure enough, the answers are yes, and possibly. So I explain to Derek the situation and he approves, even tells me that he can talk his boss into getting him a job interview. So I give the money to Rob, so he can get help for his dog, I give him my phone number, and I tell him that my friend is taking off work to come pick him up soon. I tell him, "Use the money to fix your dog, and whatever else is left is yours to do with what you please, but, I'm trusting you to use this money wisely. My friend is going to get you a job, and give you a room in his house, but only until you can afford an apartment or something." Next thing I know, this man is hugging me, crying, saying things like "thank you, thank you, I promise, I'll do good by you" and other things along that line. A few days after that, Derek and I took Rob shopping for some new clothes for his job interview. He's all settled into his space in Derek's house, and everything is going well. His dog's in the vet for a digestive/gastrointestinal problem from eating some odd trash. I checked in on them periodically, but then I hear back a few months later from a phone number that I've never seen before, so I let it ring for a little bit. Then, It hits me: Rob! So I answer it as fast as I can, Fucking up and almost dropping my phone, and I hear his immistakable voice. "Hey, Rob! how's it going?" After a little bit of a phone conversation, I find out that he got the job, Bought a phone, and most importantly, is renting an apartment. I head on over, and it's not a bad place at all! He said the next step is to quit smoking. To this day, (only a few months after all this) I still talk to him on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays.
TL;DR: I helped somebody once.
P.S: Sorry for the text wall.
EDIT: A word.
EDIT: Thanks for the gold, guys. I really appreciate it.
EDIT: And, due to Previous request, I give you... /r/oncehomeless!
Wow, this is awesome, you literally gave a man and his dog a life again. Did you ever find out his story?
[deleted] ยท 1618 points ยท Posted at 06:08:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did, actually. The man used to live with his wife, And was overall, a great husband, I think he said her name was like Nicole or something, until she started getting abusive (emotionally) . She proceeded to Fuck with him, mistreat him, and cheat on him, till she filed for a divorce. She said he cheated on her, and then she got a hefty amount of his stuff and money. They hadn't had any kids yet, so she took the house, too. He couldn't afford rent at the place he was trying to live in after that, so he got put out on the street he said he was homeless for almost a year by the time I came by. Last I've heard, Rob talked to a mutual friend of hers and found out that she's a heroin addict now, and is homeless and has an STD or something like it. Karma man, It's only a bitch if you are.
[deleted] ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 08:59:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it. In my country everything is split 50/50 after divorce. Being a bad spouse doesn't mean you should lose all your property. Cheating is bad and not moralic but man, it isn't really illegal. Neither should the punishment be losing your house. That's stupid. Cheating is pretty common anyways.
Rolten ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:09:14 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've lived in America as a child for a few years and really want to move back there one day after I'm done studying. Stories like this scare me though.
I'm very glad with my Dutch government and police force. I trust them and know that while they're just people and mistakes can be made, I won't get fucked by them. Things like 'he raped me, I have 0 evidence but he raped me because he's a dick' or 'he cheated, so I get most of his stuff' simply won't hold up here.
I mean, obviously you'd sell it and split the money between the two, but then what happens if someone still owes money on it? What about if the value went down on the house and you owe more than the house is worth?
And then, who's buying the house? Couldn't one of the former owners snatch it up? It gets really complicated when two people are put as owners of a really expensive thing.
You either sell it or the other spouse buys the other one out. Just like you said. There is no problem. If both want the house and they can't get into conclusion court orders that neither one gets the house.
If house is sold and it still has debt the debts are paid first from the sale value of the house. It isn't that complicated.
For example when my girlfriends parents broke up her mother took a loan of 80'000โฌ to pay for the half of the house which was owned by the husband. Nothing special.
Our country got an amendment a couple of years back which basically stated that, in the event of adultery on the man's side, the wife get 50% of everything CONFIRMED plus 50% of her husband's own stuff.
On event of adultery on the woman's side, it's 50/50.
I'm not even sure if that's correct but I remember there was an outcry over misandry and golddigging about this.
And then you have the other side of it. He cheated on me, got a girl pregnant, we divorced and he got the house, all the contents and the truck. I got bills, debt and had to start over. The struggle is real but I'm almost always making ends meet now.
I want to say "this woman's additional crime is making women elsewhere look like shit!!" but then I realized, only an asshole would really judge women/feminists/etc on a single case they hear on the internet/tv/whatever.
I'm fairly certain that most of the "feminists!!!" they have ever heard of are through tales on the internet, on TV, or because they got called out once in class being a sexist asshole.
Then again I don't think many of these men really know any women that aren't on TV, their families, or are in their porn.
He didnt say feminists, he said femenist thinking, the fact that in sweden feminazis almost got a law passed that taxes men only because they are men to "Fund rapist shelters (because all men could be rapists)"
prewk ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:33:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, you're lying.
Thought I'd say something to let others reading your comment know.
Divotus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:50:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They also take half your heart, half of your money, and all the pussy.
I was literally about to comment on this before I read your post...so...word.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Word, to my homies.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure there are other people that do what I did, and probably on a daily basis. There's just a lot more people that don't do it that overshadow the proud few who do.
Hey I enjoyed your story, and if you remember a few months down the road, drop us an update on your friend. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like to continue to know more.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:36:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, Definitely. Hell, If you guys want, I can make a subreddit.
I knew a Nicole that was a homeless, meth-addicted bitch who used everyone and basically ruined my ex-boyfriend's life. Fucking Nicole.
AkitoW ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:02:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good karma's on his side too, takes a good man to be fortunate enough to be helped like that, man your story put a tear in my eye and I was thinking if I was in your situation I wish I could be as selfless just like you
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know about selfless, I mean afterwards, I was kinda like 'now I can't get a tv, but I feel good.'
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:56:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man that ending felt so good to read. Awesome story man.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:39:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
then goddamn karma is gonna be good to you
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:38:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope so, lol.
Tofabyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I WANT to believe!!!
but really can't.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's okay. You can believe what you want, and I can understand why It's not very believable.
ZoomJet ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:05:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually extremely believable, if you go to homeless shelters and hear people's stories. Stuff like this happens a lot more than it should (which really, is not at all).
Tofabyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:56:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am not saying that this isn't believeable.
I've just noticed that there are more trolls on the internet than good people. Without going through his post history this is a 50/50 call. At best.
Maybe I missed this but what happened to his job? If she got a hefty amount of his money, I would assume it was a sizeable amount worthy of mention, however I can only assume he earned the money by working given the details provided. Generally, people with hefty sums of money can afford good lawyers to avoid this situation. Also it seems like this guy you describe would have an impressive resume for the job he got.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The whole subject is a little bit touchy, but I can ask him, If you like.
Only if others want to know. It could be just me missing something!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
True. I'll get on that.
JasonDJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think he said her name was like Nicole or something,
Did he say "her name was Nicole or something", or is that you forgetting her name? Because if he had told you "her name was Nicole, or something" then he probably wasn't that great of a husband.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, I don't quite remember the name. I'll have to ask him again some time.
That is something that I'm going to have to keep in my "wise things to say when the moment is right" reservoir.
ErlendJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Seriously, human trash like that bitch don't deserve to enjoy the beauty of life. She got what she fucking deserved.
I'm not mad, but getting downvoted for expressing my anger towards a woman cruel enough to mentally abuse her husband, and then throw him on the streets after stealing everything she could, that makes me wonder a bit about some people here.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:52:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As much of a bitch as she was, I'm not surprised. But I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.
It sounds too good to be true. Or you just made up some parts of the story
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a true story, I just left out the part where he almost lost his apartment because he spent too much money on cigarettes. But, he still came through, and I respect him even more for it.
He gave a dog it's life back with $250. He gave a man his life back with nothing but calling in a favor from a friend. So many of us can help each other so easily sometimes. Uplifting story of my day.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:12:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He actually got his life back with something like 252$ and help from what i imagine is a good friend.
And the take away from this story is that a lot of homeless people are a couple hundred bucks and a good deed or two from being self sufficient, and conversely many of the people you know who appear to have their shit together are just a string of bad luck away from being homeless.
I know personally if I didn't have a couple of amazing friends and parents willing to help me out I would have been homeless on a number of occasions.
It's always better to take the risk and bet on people. If you get burned you're out a bit of cash, but if not then you can literally save a persons life. Rob will remember this guy his entire life, will likely tell his kids about the random stranger that took a chance and changed everything. Even if you get burned a hundred times, that kind of outcome is worth every cent.
TL/DR: Always choose to bet on the goodness of people no matter how many times you get burned.
I don't know why you didn't get more votes on this because this is something very inspirational. There is a young man who stands on the corner of the freeway exit I take to get to work and every time i see him I want to give him something but i never have anything useful, but you have inspired me to change that the next time I see him. Thanks Reddit stranger!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:23:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, man, Thank you, for even thinking about giving that man something. Most people don't even think about it.
Basic morals have certainly begun to dwindle in society, it is important to help those who don't have the ability to help themselves :) keep on doin it
PlayMp1 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:13:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are a better person than me. You have done a service to society.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm not better than anybody. I just did something that most wouldn't.
I used to give money to homeless guys, until I was sat on my local bar. Posting out of the window to see one of the local homeless guys go down a side street with his dealer, pull out a I've handful of change and buy drugs.
I've talked frankly with another homeless guy who openly admitted that he would spend my change on beer.
xPofsx ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:29:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whats a homeless man to do with $10 other than buy drugs or food. Cant buy a house or new clothes.
I honestly think that if you really tried, you could get off the streets if you got given $10 a day for a month or two.
I know that sounds a bit 'I don't understand the hardships' but in the UK or US, if you are lucky enough to be in a city with a soup kitchen and a bit of space in a homeless shelter, I sincerely believe that you could save some cash until you had enough to buy some clean clothes and then set up a stall to wash cars in a public car park or something.
EDIT: I understand that this would likely not be possible in many places in the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:30:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, for a while, I was really scared that my money was going to suffer the fate of buying drugs or something, but everything turned out okay.
p0yo77 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:30:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You deserve a chorus of kids singing "He's Awesome" with an angelical voice everytime a girl (or boy) passes by you
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:19:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That would definitely help relationship matters, lol.
This whole time while I was reading the story I kept thinking to myself "he's going to say something about a Loch Ness monster owing him tree fiddy by the end of this story". I must say that I was pleasantly surprised.
serpnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I scrolled to the bottom and saw a tl;dr. I knew I was in safe hands and continued
I bought a homeless guy a mcdonalds the other night (it was like 2.30am and nowhere else was open) and he fed it to his dog :( I bought him another meal and a coffee but the dog thing nearly made me bawl.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:29:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, good on you for buying him a meal, man/woman.
And good on him for thinking of his dog.
So much feels. My father used to be a director of a homeless shelter for years, and it's amazing to see the gratitude from the ones who really want to live better lives.
zmatrix ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:54:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope this is at the top of the comments when a wake up. What a great story man. You're good people.
You rock! Thanks for being an awesome person. Seems like you have great instincts. How could you tell he was going to do right by you (and not take the money and run)? Pure gut feeling?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was just kind of a gut feeling. The lack of a sign, No change jar, the man just seemed like a legit person.
yeamonn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Canadian?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:56:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to give you the biggest of fist bumps. You rule, bro.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who has spent time living on the streets, thank you for being a good person. I'm so glad the the person you helped wasn't just a scam artist. There are way too many of those on the streets.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:56:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, Congrats for getting off the streets! and Thank you, I'm glad he wasn't a scam artist too.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One of the last true heroes on earth. Man, your karma level is high as duck right now!
Im wondering, how is the dog doing?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The dog's doing great! he got fixed up, and got the stitches out like two months ago. He'll be off the antibiotics soon as well.
Rob even let me rename him. I named him Jude.
Ok, I'll bite. Why two sticks of deodorant at all times?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:16:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One is unscented. When you're doing PT in a field with a bunch of other guys who enlisted with you, they really appreciate two things: you working hard with them, and using non-musk deodorant.
Everyone else said it, but who cares, you deserve the appreciation my man. You are a legend!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are a saint. If we had more people like you the world would be such a better place, I bet 50% of the people who read your story wouldn't have done the same, even if they could(including myself). What oyu just wrote really made me think. Thanks
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, thank you, for taking the time to read my post. Anything you can do to help a homeless person could be like winning the emotional lottery to you, and the regular lottery for them.
I'll feel awful if I'm wrong here, but I just don't believe this. The helpless dog, the complete turnaround of the homeless man's life, the follow-up post about how this is all the fault of some evil ex-wife who wound up getting hers--all of it sounds like fiction, where events are selected specifically to make people feel a certain way. I hope the story is true, and that I'm just a cynical asshole, but my current bullshit formula of "excessively satisfying anecdote + internet" has done right by me so far.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know, It's hard to believe, and I can understand that. I did kind of leave out the part where he almost lost his apartment because he spent too much on cigarettes, but he's been cigarette clean for over two months.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So... Did you buy the tv after that?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I waited, and bought a better TV last week! This story ends well for everyone.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:59:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, I try my hardest.
Jetz21 ยท 2170 points ยท Posted at 02:29:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, about a year ago(?), my friends and I went to go see the second Insidious. It was just us 4 guys and we took up the whole row, and since it was the opening night, the entire theater got filled. Climax of the movie, the lights go on and everyone groans. Usher comes down and grabs our rows and pulls us out. We were wondering why, we weren't particularly loud. He explains, "We had a complaint that you, a boy with green hair," points at me, "was fingering his girlfriend in the theater." I look at my friends, "Uh, no?"
Turns out, the was ANOTHER boy with green hair. Fingering his girlfriend.
[deleted] ยท 1436 points ยท Posted at 03:41:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Up in the theater with my homies, tryna get a lil' V-I, but keep it down on the low key, 'cause you know how it is.
I saw shorty she was checkin' up on me, from the game she was spittin' in my ear you would think that she knew me.
So we decided to finger bang.
(Lil' Jon) YEAH!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, she was heavy. And her titties sagged down to the floor.
Same. I was like.....what? Why would Usher stop the movie and turn his music on. That's weird. Haha
Kheran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
English is not my native language. Only upon reading your comment did I realize this was not about Usher the musician. Then I looked up the word 'usher' and realized it means what it does. TIL, thanks!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I could see this an an old comedy show, /u/_vargas_ being the main character and making cheesy jokes then the narrator (/u/thoma5nator) shaking his head and smiling ".. Ohhh Vargas"
Holy shit, I've heard of Vargas before, but I just now decided to click his name to visit his comments. I literally got a warning message saying something about "woah bro, don't go here" and how horrible the content will be.
Then there's a red line through his URL. What is this man/beast/god/demon you call Vargas? Just what did he do for the internet to go "alright, just halt right there, are you sure you want to go here? I mean it's pretty fuckin' bad in there...".
Not even porn sites or that one best gore shit does this to me!
At my local video rental shop, there is a gumball machine with maybe five or six different coloured gumball types. Sticky-taped to the delicious glass gumball globe is a sign that reads: GUESS THE COLOUR THAT COMES OUT OF THE GUMBALL MACHINE AND WIN A FREE WEEKLY RENTAL VOUCHER! 20c.
With those odds, they were just asking to be exploited.
So, 12 year old me devised a devious plan. I went to some of the shops across the road and traded 15 dollars for a colossal fuckton of 20c coins. (just did the math, about 75 twenty cent pieces)
When the employee lady saw me scuffling into the store with my shirt stomach filled with silver coins, MAN was she pissed. This may have been because she now had to spot my 75 guesses. I have no idea why she didn't just kick me out then and there.
In short, the next 20 minutes consisted of the shop lady watching me individually slot each coin into the machine. She had a pile of vouchers in hand, dishing one out onto the rapidly growing pile every few guesses. I wasn't a dick about it, I paused my gumball endeavour if another customer was there, but she breathed a sigh of relief when I put the 75th gumball in my backpack. In total, I pocketed 18 vouchers ($126 total value) for 15 dollars.
I took my fat stack of vouchers, shoved them in my pocket, and with my candy-filled backpack, I ran home. I'll never forget the sound of 75 gumballs shaking around on my back, it was the sound of an afternoon of accomplishment.
TL;DR: When I was 12, I single-handedly took down video rental stores
Edit: Well this just exploded, and I have more information to tell you. I found that red came out a little more often, so guessing red every time after that stepped up the win rates.
Edit 2: obligatory thanks for the gold, it's awesome. And so this edit isn't useless, so many people have asked where 20c coins exist, and I can confirm by looking at the kangaroos out my window that I live in Australia.
[deleted] ยท 863 points ยท Posted at 03:57:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Going to Blockbuster on a Friday or Saturday night was so awesome growing up. They used to rent gaming systems in my town. I rented Virtua Boy and played Mario Tennis for about 10 minutes before I figured out it was terrible.
Yeah, those deposits always sucked (or prevented me from being able to rent it). Luckily, my pops knew a local video store owner and that guy always hooked it up on the console rental (until we finally got our own NES). Then, the video store guy hooked up the rentals. Two for one, always droppin' late fees. He'd even let me bring games back the same night and trade them out if they sucked. That dude ruled.
I rented The Legend of Zelda a million times. Finally at Christmas the old couple who owned the shop gave me the store's copy as a gift and ordered a new one to rent out. They ruled.
RedNeko ยท 437 points ยท Posted at 05:32:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They just wanted to give other customers a chance to rent it.
Here we could trade our finished games for about 10$ at Maxime's for a new one. When the PS3 and X-Box 360 were just launched, the games were really expensive and hence you would save a lot by doing this.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:13:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Odd story but we used to have a video store a few blocks from my house growing up, my buddy, brother and I loved secret of mana on snes. We would rent that shit like all the time.
And were like the only ones who ever would.
Anyways when we got enough money to buy it, no stores were selling it, and this was like before ebay and stuff, so yeah, it was a big deal.
The rest is a little foggy but we bought that fucking game, from that store, with the tattered ass box, half missing game manual, and used to shit cartridge.
We played the fuck out of that game, to the point our snes and game would get so hot we had the idea of throwing it in the freezer to cool it off.
We got some pretty weird lockups and freezes after that, but man, we played that shit for like 24 hours straight.
My buddy was the hero guy and he always used the sword, my brother was the sprite and used the fists mostly, and I was the youngest so I played the girl bitch who heals everyone, and I always had to use the fucking axe and whip to break paths open or whip us from place to place...
My rentals were $2 for Fri-Sun and I didn't get to pick it up every weekend. But that was in fact the old man's reasoning for the gift - I'd paid enough in rental fees over the summer and fall to buy a copy, so he gave me a copy. I learned the concept of giving someone what's right, what they've earned and paid for, even when I don't have to, from he and his wife that day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is awesome
amiwarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You probably caused too much wear and tear on the disk. Yes that is a discount reason on our computer system.
I rented Chrono Trigger a similar number of times but I didn't get a copy or anything. The punkass kid who ran the store was like "why don't you just buy a copy?" and I was like "I don't have enough money" and he was like "that's because you spend all your money on Magic cards at the bookstore across the street." and I was like "oh. yeah."
I rented earthbound 7 times in a row and then asked the manager if they would sell it to me. She told me, "that game never stays in the shelf. I can't sell it" :( so I bought it from toy r us
I was raised by a single mom, a waitress, and we survived on tips. She refused to apply for welfare or sue my father for child support. She worked 3 jobs instead. $2 to rent a game for the weekend was some change from the coffee can. $60 to buy a game was a month's electric bill. I know you weren't trying to be any particular sort of way, but I grit my teeth and wanted to choke the fuck out of you for saying my parents should have done anything, let alone spend a month's utilities on buying me a game. We were so poor I felt guilty and turned down candy bars. We were so poor my paper route when I was 12 actually made a difference in our financial stability.
Fuck, we were so poor we didn't even own a TV when grandma sent our NES ahead of Christmas. Mom had to scramble and use the rent money to get one so I wouldn't be heartbroken waking up Christmas morning to a Nintendo I couldn't play.
The third game I ever owned (the first being SMB, second LoZ) I bought with my scrounged and saved birthday and Christmas money - Final Fantasy, $57 at Walmart, and even that had to wait an extra few weeks since mom needed to borrow the money I'd saved up.
Dude, how you sitting now? Seems like you've been through some shit that no child should have to go through. You gotta respect your mom for what she did though. She was on the grind for you and that shows that she truly loves you from the bottom of her heart. Kind of funny considering it's Mother's Day. Do you game on pc? Ill throw something your way if you're on steam.
Lots had it worse. We missed meals, but we always had a roof and usually lights and water. I'm pretty alright these days, it's been half a lifetime since I threw some things in my backpack and walked out at 16, not returning til I was 33 and she needed me.
Not to whine on about things but I have such a tough relationship with my mom. I want to hate her and shut her out for stealing my $10k settlement at 16, or for milking me for a year's rent, utils, car payments, etc, last year, leaving me homeless, carless, and jobless, starting from scratch, due to her little scam, but it's hard to hate a woman who skipped meals to make sure I ate, as a child. I've not yet made up my mind on whether to contact her tomorrow. It hurts. I hate this.
I do game on Steam (my political client gifted me an amazing Alienware M17x R4) but I restrict myself to the summer and holiday sales and try to gift as many as I keep for myself. Your offer is really kind and the selfish part of me doesn't want to say no, justifying it with my past Steam gifting to random redditors, but ... see? See that? Me trying to find a way to politely decline while still leaving the door open... we're all selfish at times, and tonight, I won't be. But thank you, sincerely.
WHOAH. I never knew they required a deposit. No wonder my parents only let me rent an NES once after I threw a huge fit and then started going to Blockbuster without me.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Blockbuster always let me return games the same night and pick something else if the game was terrible.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great example of why the rental business model died. Most of them became big chains that worked to screw their customers on late fees. The small mom and pop shops didnt operate like them, but then blockbuster and hollywood video come to town and put them out of business. I think the transition to things like netflix and redbox was bound to happen, but i think if the big rental companies didnt suck hardcore they'd still be in business.
Family Video still requires a deposit for games on new systems. I rented battlefield 4 for the xbox one and it cost $40 deposit and the $3 to rent.
As a kid I think I rented a system once. It came in that awesome briefcase. Those were the days
[deleted] ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 04:37:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I remember my parents putting a large amount on the Virtua Boy. I remembet it came in some huge ass brief case. I felt like such a baller walking out of there thinking how many people would be jealous that I would soon be experiencing the most life like virtual reality known to man.
Instead I just got a headache and ended up playing Arkanoid on NES.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:09:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
orokro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:42:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's called "Virtual Boy", with an L, BTW. You might be thinking of Virtua Cop or other Sega games in the Virtua series.
You made this mistake multiple times in this thread. Unforgivable!
I used to rent Sega Saturns. I'm not sure why, but I used to a lot. I guess I really liked Virtua Fighter 2. But yeah, I always put the deposit on my parent's credit card and hoped they didn't notice.
I rented the Virtual Boy too, by the way. It was awful, i took it back the next day, but forgot the manual at home. When they asked me, I swore I never got one because it would have been a hassle ot make another trip to bring it back. I think I still have the manual somewhere.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In the 80's?
kingwan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You want to know how old I am? I demonstrated Mattel's Intellivision when in high school, there was no electronics depts. in those days, it was usually the photography dept.
Man sometimes I wonder what growing up in the 80s and 90s must have been like and how different it would be. Since I was born in the mid 90s I do remember going to blockbuster every Friday night since around 2003 until they started closing down stores and ours was closed. I would give anything to travel through time.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:40:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was born in 85 so I'm a true 90's kid. It was fantastic. We had video games but the majority of kids still played outside. I played football in my neighborhood every day. We also didn't have cell phones so you just went home for dinner at a certain time nd then went back out. I f
in my house we had 3 virtual boys. conveniently for that christmas we also received some shitty video camera that would only plug directly into the TV. our genius minds decided to cheat the system and point the camera into the viewing area on the virtual boys and just play on the TV. pinball and warios woods kicked ass.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:37:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:37:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go and get my Pokemon Snap pictures developed :3
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember going in the early 2000s. I remember buying Pokemon cards and wacky packages cards, getting my favorite movies and just having a great time with friends
My childhood Friday nights consisted of begging my mom (and sister, once she wad old enough to drive) to take me to blockbuster. They hated doing it because I would spend a good 15 - 20 minutes wandering every aisle multiple times.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was always so hard to pick a movie. I always walked through the horror section just to look at the pictures.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If blockbuster didnt rent virtuaboy, they may have actually sold a unit or two.
I sadly still own both of those. I bought it with my own money when I was 13(?) and I couldn't afford any games so that was the only one I ever had to play.
I remember when I was young we would go to the Blockbuster next to our local Albertsons after shopping for groceries. While my parents perused for movies, I would be playing the N64, because at the time I didn't have any video games yet. Just playing Pokemon Stadium 2 was the best.
Having Netflix is really cool, but I miss being able to go into BlockBuster and browse around, buy all your extra movie junk (popcorn, candy, drinks).
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I started to defend Mario Tennis 64 before I reread the Virtual Boy part. Some say the screen wasn't actually red, but the tint comes from the blood seeping from your eyes.
I recently went to video store to return a ps3 game I had rented. It was a Friday night, 630p, there was a father with his 8 yo or so daughter,and one woman who looked to be in her mid 40s, otherwise the store was empty. Sad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Where the heck do you live that there are still video stores? It is kind of sad. It was a gteat memory growing up.
Shit, where does a 12 year old get 15 dollars? If my mom had found out about it would have gotten "borrowed" immediately. I once had 20 bucks and bought the Full Moon Fever casset and has 9 dollars left over. I had asked for my change all in ones so I had a fat stack. Man that was a glorious day!
... you know what? fuck my parents. both of them.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:43:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
maybe he explained his evil plans and the parents were thinking "kid's doing math by himself, let him do it"
Kinda. I mean the odds were stacked against her in the first place. It was just asking to be exploited. 1 in 5 or 6 chance of winning a free weekly rent voucher(worth $7) at 20ยข a pop? All you had to do was keep saying one colour really. In terms of how well he did he was pretty lucky. Probably should have got 15 if it was 1 in 5, he won just under every 1 in 4 times. At 1 in 6 it would cost only $1.20 to win. $5.80 profit. I'm guessing whoever thought up that idea wasn't very mathematically competent.
At my local video rental store they just had "winner" written on some of the 25 cent gumballs for a free rental if you got one. It was pretty easy to tell when a winner was coming by looking inside at the ones closest to the dropping mechanism.
Australia. Prices sky-high, wages aren't high enough to compensate.
Movie ticket prices are $18-25 in rural areas and the popcorn + drink are usually $10-15. My cousin bought 3 meals at Gold Class once and it cost him well over $200 for it.
Yeah I live in Australia too. When was the last time you rented a movie? When I was a kid (90's) the highest I remember a weekly rental being was $2.50 (was probably '99 - '01 last time I rented something) even overnighters were only $8.95 the last time I remember getting one (Video Ezy).
Those movie prices are comparable to the coast as well. Unless you live in one of the capitals you should be able to find a cheap cinema.
Except in Brisbane, directly across the river from the city.
6 bucks for a movie before 5, and 8 bucks after, 1 dollar concessions, and a clean movie theater, it was amazing. Saw so many movies while I was there.
Brisbane's Cineplex theaters are a godsend. When Victoria Point opened it was the second largest screen in Australia and its still only $6.50 for students and $8.50 for adults.
A couple of months off being 15. Please don't call me a fourteen year old :(
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:23:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
1/6 chance per gumball attempt, if you get a gumball lets be generous and say she makes a 15c profit. 1/6=0.16666666666
0.16666666666*(price of rental maybe 1$) = 16.6666c lost for every 15c gained. Unless if the voucher is a ploy for other profit that is purely losing money.
If she didn't own the machine, then I would think the company had no right to offer a voucher for a free rental. And if the company supplies those vouchers, the woman wouldn't have a reason to be upset (assuming they reimburse the vouchers).
I work in retail and have had experience with third party vendors offering things like this. My experience was slightly different, but in my tired state of mind, it's still comparable. I'm probably completely wrong, lol.
Umbrall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:18:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
18 vouchers were 126 dollars meaning 7 per voucher...
You also did your math wrong regardless. If it were 1 dollar, you'd get 16.666666c for every 15c gained causing them to lose just of that.
Where's that horrible audio clip about the cent dollar customer support thing where someone was charged 100 times the amount and the customer support person didn't realize the difference between 20 dollars and 20 cents.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I said assuming 1$ as a underestimate to exaggerate the loss of money with an abnormally low value. I also wrote this in the matter of seconds I had before a game of league of legends began, as I am writing this message also, so I overlooked decimal placement in the c value as I didn't proof read but the values still stand true and can be interpreted by a competent human. You had no reason to be so rude.
Umbrall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A competent human would also overlook it and misread the fact that you did your calculations wrong.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What?
Umbrall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I mean most people will see .16c and the result and not even look at your calculation to interpret it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
15 is very close to 16. The two numbers are close and would hopefully trigger the association. I also expect that people reading comments are capable of reading them fully, otherwise it's their own fault for not caring enough.
Umbrall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You overestimate the thought going into reading a comment
People would (IIRC) often rent multiple movies at once. If you had once voucher you might come in to use it, and then rent four other things to go along with your free one.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to incorporate that into my post but I was lazy. Also I haven't a clue as to the amnt of money a movie rental would make on one rental. That's what I meant by >Unless if the voucher is a ploy for other profit
I don't know how you actually did it but you should have done a rough count to see if any color showed up more than any other and just guessed that color every time.
One more thing I didn't add in the story: yes, red came out more often. after we found that out, shit hit the fan.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagged 'The Gumball Bandit'
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, the best I did was fold up the paper from books of matches into (roughly) the shape of a quarter, and put them into the machine to get free gumballs.
I think the biggest question is, to me, they make 20 cent coins? Penny, nickel, dime, quarter, dollar, and toonie. Seriously, what?
js1992 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't had a gumball in a long time, but now I got a craving...
Hyro0o0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All they would have had to do is stick a limit on the number of guesses per person per day.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:41:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
good on you for letting other people take turns if they wanted to. nice to hear about a little kid fighting the power without being massive douchenozzle about it
Piggybacking this because I too have always wanted a chance to post mine.
I was at a party, my senior year of high school a few years ago. Everyone's having a good time and the host decides to invite her friends from Bayonne, NJ (white trash kids). Within 20 minutes of them arriving to the party, some trashy girl from Bayonne lost her phone and blamed everyone at the party for stealing it. She made a huge scene, and before you know it all of her white trash guy friends are trying to fight the people from our town...
Now here's how I have no fucking idea how this happened. There's a whole shit load of people out on the front yard from Bayonne and my town. The girl who's accusing everyone from my town starts patting us down, she couldn't find her phone. She had a genius idea after that, CALLING HER PHONE.
Now there's probably 20 guys from Bayonne ready to attack whoever stole the phone, so I'm ready for shit to go down in case someone actually did steal it. She calls her phone and what do you fucking know. MY phone rang. Everyone started at me and I thought I was about to get jumped. I pulled out the phone out of my pocket and thank fucking god it was mine. I still don't know how when she called for her phone, my phone rang. Never met the girl in my life, so what the fuck happened?
For some reason I upvoted as soon as I read this sentence. When I got to the end I went back to upvote on the merits of the story and realised what past me had done. Now present me feels gipped.
ztsmart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:46:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ztsmart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I literally did the same thing, though not as large in scale. I remember doing the analysis and it was clearly a more cost-effective means of acquiring rentals
Haha i used to go to a beach convenience store called "shore stop" and they had a little game where you drop a coin into a plastic jug full of water that had a few plastic tiers in it. I found out how to angle them at age 8 or so to win every time (win cash) they kicked me out.
Found out how to win a "wheel of fortune" game at a local carnival and won tons of cash. ($25)
Found out if you hold another coin game (kinda like bowling, you put a quarter down a long slide thing and aim at a tab in a pinball machine like thing) that ud win every time. Got some cool autographs...
Ultra zone (lazr tag OMG) did this except their gum ball machine was stocked with soccer bouncy superballs, which, if spit out by the machine, you won a free game. Well as each game, at that time, cost 7 bucks and the gum ball machine is literally HALF soccer balls (no joke, literally fucking half) I decide the cash in 7 bucks worth of quarters and use them to win me some free games. I ended up with 14 free games. Did this multiple times over the course of two weekends, people started catching on. Went back a couple months later and the number of soccer balls had been dramatically and drastically reduced. For two weeks, I was Ultrazones frugal and shiesty king of kings.
About 4 years ago, a few of my buddies worked at a video rental across the street from my old job. So whenever I clocked out I would walk over and hangout, sometimes in their break room and eat the movie candy. Oh and the security cameras we all knew were bogus. And idk how but my buddies figured how to edit the inventory (or something, I don't remember exactly) so nothing was ever found out to be missing. We each lifted a couple hundred DVDs from that place and sold them at stores like FYE. After a few months of doing this Hollywood video closed down all its stores and my friends of course all lost their jobs... Good times
You're Michael Larson, aren't you? He went on Press Your Luck after figuring out the pattern of lights to get the big money prizes and free spins. The network shit a brick.
snubber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There was a Little Caesar's Pizza a block away from a high school in my town. In the lobby was a machine that you could play a game of "Simon" with the four buttons that flashed in sequence, adding a new button to the pattern each time. The problem was if you got up to 25 or so correct you won a free breadstick, and the game only cost a quarter to play. I remember winning fairly easy with 2-3 plays, and others could win almost every time. They eventually removed the machine.
An Australian coin worth 20 cents. I've been asked this all too often, you must all be from the US with all your dime, quarter and nickel bullshit
joe_gw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:59:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We have a gumball machine in the video rental store i work at and I really want to try this promotion out, see if anyone try's to use your devious plan today.
I have a similar story... only with hockey cards as opposed to gumballs.
There used to be this card shop in this shitty strip mall near my house when I was a teen and they had this hockey card machine at the front of the store where you would put in 25c and then get 3 random hockey cards in a plastic card jacket, or whatever they're called. Most of the time they were worthless and we really only ever used it when we happened to have a 25c coin on us. But then one day my friend got a shiny and pretty looking hockey card and subsequently went into the store to ask how much it was worth and then told him about $15.
The next day we took $20 and broke it into 80 25c coins and then went to town on that machine. We ended up with endless amounts of duplicates of the same players and same cards, but we got enough 'fancy cards' (that's just what we called them) that we ended up getting over $150 in hockey cards.
The week after that, the machine was "out of order" and was never "fixed". A few years later, the card shop closed for good.
And this right here is why people in retail hate couponers.
ovni121 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:17:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember when I was around 9 years old. There was a gum machine at the video store with multicolored gum balls and few of them were black. It was a free rental voucher if you get a black gum ball. I had like 2$ in my pocket and spend it all in 25cent gum and I wasn't lucky once. Then the young lady at the couter said something like " oh wait I think there's still a gum trapped in the mecanism" and opened the small door of the gum machine. I looked behind that door and was trilled to see a black gum. It's only when I tought about all that happened on my way home that I realised that the lady put a black gum for me when she checked the mecanism. I'll always remember her act of kindness.
ImDotTK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:26:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait... Other countries don't have 20c pieces?
Also, I wish I found something like this as a child :(
Yes, kangaroos fuckin everywhere, I live a few minutes away from a military base that has about 5000. They spread out all over the area.
Thanks :) not quite a grown up yet, but ill get there someday
Lol my blockbuster did that too,only it was if you get a white gum ball you get a free movie rental. Looking into the glass you couldn't see one white gum ball. Leave it to me to get three in a row,the manager was outraged and did not believe me,it was a mess. It was like this guy thought I smuggled in white gum balls. I left with no free movies.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:47:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dr_SnM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:18:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have an Australian gumball machine story too, but it's nowhere near as impressive as yours so I shall simply leave it as a comment.
When I grew up there was a shop around the corner, what us Aussies would call a deli. Also on my street was a spring factory. The factory had crates of washer shaped pieces of metal kept out the front for recycling to pick up. One day I noticed that they looked to be a similar diameter to a 20c piece. So I loaded up on them and took them to the deli. I then proceeded to empty the gumball machine and the one next to it that gave out tiny toys in plastic egg thingies.
Pretty much how you'd expect.
My dad was damn impressed that I'd found a way to cheat that much stuff from a shop, probably proud because I didn't break any laws.
My mother was hardly impressed. She gave me a bit of a talk about why it was wrong to do things like that, but I got no punishment whatsoever :)
MrDNL ยท 608 points ยท Posted at 01:58:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My 7th grade "team" -- the group of teachers we all had -- put together an elaborate detention/suspension policy. Two missed homeworks meant losing your lunch period (a "lunch detention"). Three was an automatic detention and a demerit. Five demerits meant an in-school suspension; ten meant an out of school one.
My math teacher -- whom I generally liked, but later realized wasn't a very good math teacher -- had a bug up her butt about tuna. Yes, tuna. This was when tuna companies were grabbing dolphins in their nets and it was a big deal in the press, and she was on the warpath. She gave you a warning for bringing tuna sandwiches into school (even though the cafeteria sold it) and two warnings equalled a detention. That never happened, because she probably couldn't give a detention for that, but it scared us and got you on her shit list.
One day, this kid Josh has a lunch detention with this teacher and brought a tuna sandwich that day. She gives him a warning, or so the story goes -- none of us were there. Later that day, he's in class and his homework isn't done, so that should be an automatic detention. But he's working to finish it while she's going around talking to the rest of us.
She notices, of course, and says something to the effect of "your homework better be done before I get to you or you're going to be suspended." It seemed like she was giving him a 5 minute grace period to finish up, but that's not he saw it. He goes to correct her -- "you mean detention, not suspension" -- figuring she misspoke. After all, a suspension is a much, much bigger deal, and the rules don't call for that at all. She says no, suspension, and brings up the tuna sandwich. He flips out, saying that she can't do that, and she says "as long as you're in my classroom, you obey my rules" or something to that effect.
So he yells "then I'm leaving your classroom!" and jumps out the window.
He was suspended for three days.
Mejari ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 05:02:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You mean he got detention
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:20:37 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no, he got hanged in the net the teacher installed as a protest against tunas/dolphins fishing.
If I remember correctly I was trying to find something that had been best of'ed for a buddy and then down the rabbit hole you go. I was aware of the age of the post, but you gotta admit that one was right there and everyone missed it so I'm just setting it right with the world.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:14:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Excuse my ignorance of the American education system: What is an "in-school suspension"?
MrDNL ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:58:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Basically: you go to school but instead of going to class, you go to a small study area with a teacher who is effectively a babysitter.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:02:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How is this a punishment? Also, does the government take any part in diciplinary action in the US, or do the school administrations decide on their own?
Sounds like a huge abuse of power. I would have done everything in my power to make that teacher's life hell. Fuck I would've had a tuna sandwich every day, mercury poisoning be damned!
My friend did something in collge, which I cant remember. He was sent to mandatory couseling. While in counseling the counselor asked him how he felt. He looked her dead in the eye and told her "I feel like leaving." So he climbed out the window. First floor, so he didn't need to jump.
The solution to that: If you don't want liberals teaching your children, homeschool them, or convince your conservative friends to get certified and get jobs in the public school system.
Are you aware of the old saying "those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." The solution to political agendas being pushed by ONE SIDE in public schools isn't "derp homeschool or get yur friends to start teaching!" Nor should that even be considered the "solution." No problem that shouldn't exist in the first place should have a "solution" that requires additional work on the part of those affected... Sort of how the actual solution to slavery wasn't "well just run away or don't be born black." This is MATH CLASS, math... As in there is no way to stretch any number 0-10 into a political message without trying to do so. People who don't want their children brainwashed politically by people who "CANT" shouldn't have to adjust themselves, these teachers should be fired for wasting tax payer money, and arrested for attempting to harm the minds of children. You know there's a reason that 100% of ghettos in America are democratic, and it isn't because democratic techniques have a track record for lifting ghettos out of financial despair.
KyzonP ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:53:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He was on the fourth floor...
[deleted] ยท 2655 points ยท Posted at 02:09:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as receiving money to let guys blow him. It's not really a calling if you're paying them, is it? More if you're getting money for a "service". Even if your service is having a dick.
I'm a college student who's parents bought me a college meal plans and give me an extra 75 every 2 weeks. Almost every cent i make is disposable income... God i'm gonna miss college..
Dude, tell me about it. Full ride and about $500 a semester through scholarships, plus my dad gives me some money every day. I moved off campus and spend less on rent + meals than on room + meals on campus, but the scholarship pays me in cash. I started college with like $5k in a bank account (local one-time scholarships plus money I had been saving for years, never had a job in high school.) I'm coming up on my senior year and have more than doubled that money just from budgeting my funds. I keep trying to turn down my parents' money because I honestly don't need it. I go home every once in a while and they always put some in my wallet when I'm not looking or in my car's cup holder. They've gotten pretty creative. Found money in my laptop after they came by for a visit one day.
Yeah, I know the story. What is "today you, tomorrow me" supposed to mean in this context? All these people are saying it's the greatest reference, and I still don't get it... I feel dumb, but can someone just explain the joke to me?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Today you need a blowjob, tomorrow me, is my guess?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:45:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shit. This is by far the best "reference" comment I have ever read. If I ever decide to start donating gold, the first one's going to you. I almost died from laughing too hard.
Well I don't see you having gold. It's like a trophy for reddit that millions of others have for making the other millions of people laugh, or educated, or disturbed.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 14:14:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
your edit ruins the comment. downvoted
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:42:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm straight too but I'm just gonna say what everyone is thinking. So all I have to do is post a picture of my dick?
Gay guy here, partnered for 12 years so I wouldn't do something like that, but "my people" like to suck dick so yeah...it is pretty easy to get free blow jobs if you are straight. Sometimes people will pay you if they genuinely believe they have that rare type of genuinely straight guy who is open to such experiences. We like straight guys as a general rule.
I had an old 40 year old dude offer me 500, I just couldn't do it though. I could make a shit ton of money this way from people, but I... I just can't overlook the situation.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yunith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(Most) Women won't react in a way you would want when showing dick pics. I'm a woman, and I don't get turned on by just dick pics. At all. If anything, it's a huge " boner killer" for women.
istara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:25:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps it's just me, but generally speaking as a woman, a disconnected dick pic isn't very appealing. Your eyes, your abs, even the top-of-jeans-slightly-undone suggestive shot.
But the hairy pipe? Nah.
camilos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So In essence, you prostituted yourself. I may be wrong but I don't think this is as uncommon as you think.
Dosinu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:04:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A friend made a gay tinder account of me with my number posted. I got calls and texts from 15 guys and the profile was only up for a few hours. Meanwhile my personal straight profile gets 15 matches a month.
I've got a good mate (hes straight as an arrow, gets all the women) who told me pretty much this same story except his was when stumbling home drunk from a nightclub, the guy offered him 300 and he didnt take it. (So he says). Never mentioned if he was Mexican.
I've hooked up with a handful of girls off of Craigslist and there's always a few guys who throw in responses. 15 seems abnormally high though (granted I don't post dick pics).
Basically that guy gets paid $1000 to provide confidential personal services to other men and a new client had a dick that matched yours...that he needed some practice on.
UhLain ยท 2550 points ยท Posted at 00:45:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was on my way to class in NYC and this homeless guy approached me. He had a trench coat on and he started to reach for something in his coat.
I honestly thought he was going to flash me so I was freaking out but then of course, the unexpected... He pulled out a pigeon and tried handing it to me while yelling, "Merry Christmas!" (NOTE: it was only October during this time)
[deleted] ยท 1446 points ยท Posted at 03:50:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cyhawk ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:48:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you seen the warriors? It's a 1979 documentary about a gang in New York running for their lives after being framed for a crime they didn't commit. Took then hours to.get home. Grid system my ass.
I'm glad that's the part of that movie that we're agreeing is the most ridiculous... not the whole, uh, gang of dudes in overalls and rollerskates thing.
There sort of were. But it's with the two turtle doves that Kevin buys at the store, where you give someone close to you to give them good luck (or have their wishes come true or so you'll always be close to each other; something that has "feel good" written all over it), and he gives one to the pigeon lady.
Though, to be fair, the homeless man should have been giving OP a turtle dove, not a pigeon. He needs to get with it.
d_pug ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:42:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lost in New York? How can you get lost in New York? It's a grid system mothafucka!
Nowhere near as bad as L.A. We also have a great subway system, places within walking distance and bike lanes. If you're getting stuck in traffic too often, it's because you shouldn't be driving in the city.
That's true that nobody should be driving in NYC, but I live in Los Angeles, and our traffic is SO much better than NYC traffic. Fuck that place, fucking 2 hours to get from Times Square to the Brooklyn bridge? No thanks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In Toronto it's usually garbage rotting in the summer heat, back alleys were an after thought here and some parts of the city can get so stinky I routinely throw up (at least twice a summer)
vin_DOT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:06:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I live in NYC, can confirm this. I used to work security in Saks Fifth Ave and almost every day this guy with a really long white beard would come in wearing this rainbowish turban and long rainbowish dress with high heels on pushing around a little dog in a baby carriage and a real live parrot chilling on the top of his head. He would go around calling himself lady gaga. It was definitely a sight to see for all the tourist that visit NYC.
EDIT: also the dog would be like spray painted in rainbow colors
I honestly forgot I had ever seen that movie. I said, oh that sounds like some shitty spinoff movie. Looked it up, and it's part 2. Then it all came back to me, pigeon lady included.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:27:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that is was October was a red herring.
He already said it was a pigeon, retard.
Gertiel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:46:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Home Alone Lost in New York, I think. Except it was a lady with the pigeons in the movie. I think they're sort of referencing the ceramic turtle doves in there, too.
bawss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a Home Alone reference.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Disclaimer; This is a quick and dirty explanation of which a numbers nerd or mathemagician could do a much better job.
There are many (probably technically infinite) "positional systems" or bases. Base-10, or decimal, is what most people use. Each digit place represents a power of 10. Computers, being binary in nature, use Base-2 and each digit place is a power of 2. Computer scientists, however, often use both Base-16 (hexadecimal) or Base-8 (octal) since it's easy to convert to among binary, octal, and hexadecimal at a glance (you can do it by simply grouping them into groups of 3 or 4 binary numbers).
Decimal gets a little more complicated since its base is not a power of two. To go to Octal, divide your Decimal number by 8. Write down your remainder as the least significant Octal digit. Repeat the dividing of your quotient and writing down the remainder until your remainder is less than 8. Bam, conversion done.
So, back to the original date: Dec 25. 25 / 8 = 3 remainder 1. 3 < 8, so final result is Oct 31.
I was visiting San Francisco once when I was approached by a homeless man in a train station. A week in SF will get you pretty used to this situation (and crush your humanity in the process) so I was ready to get rid of him. He came up to me and asked if I wanted a free laptop. He showed me a Fedex box but, flummoxed, I just said no and ignored him. He then approached a guy sitting next to me and offered it to him. He accepted, and the homeless man wobbled away. I sat and watched as this other guy opened a brand-new macbook pro next to me.
Okay, it was almost certainly stolen but hell...
nwilz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few months ago I was walking in a medium sized city with a friend when we saw a homeless man walking towards a crosswalk, pulling a wagon and carrying a two by four. He stopped at the 'don't walk' sign and while he waited out his two by four in his wagon. When it changed to 'walk', he picked up another, different, two by four and continued on his journey, only to stop across the street, and switch back to the original two by four.
This homeless dude has a street crossing two by four and a sidewalk walking two by four.
MrDNL ยท 3747 points ยท Posted at 01:58:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was in middle school in the early 1990s, around when Sam's Clubs and the like started opening up. None of us could drive yet (obviously; we were like 14) and few of our parents had club memberships, so it was rare that anyone could go there and buy stuff. And none of us had jobs or anything anyway, so you're looking at about $5 in allowance here and there as your budget.
One kid had a great idea and bought some of those HUGE bags of Blow Pops for $5. Let's say he walked away with 100 Blow Pops -- 5c a piece. He came to school and sold them for a quarter and was out of stock within a few days. He did this for probably three weeks before others got in on the game. (There were a bunch of arguments over whether the others had to go into a different line of candy, or if Blow Pops were fair game. The first wave decided that everyone needed their own kind of candy, creating a little cartel. Kind of funny in retrospect.)
About a month or so later, a new kid starts selling, and he has everything. Must have spent $50, maybe $100. But he quickly ran into a problem. The school started cracking down on student-run candy sales in the cafeteria, so lunch time -- where the money was -- became a really dangerous time to sell. Most of the kids who were selling just stopped, cashing out while they could. But this one kid had way too much candy to do that.
There were only four classes after lunch and you really weren't selling candy during the first two periods, so that left five or six reasonably good times to find customers. The bad news was that typically, you had the same kids (give or take) in all of your classes by now, because we were broken up into levels. (The exception, things like gym and band, were really bad times to sell candy.) The good news was that homeroom was between second and third period, and that was homogenous. So you got to see kids you'd otherwise not see -- and, more importantly, they'd see kids you'd otherwise not see.
The kid with all the candy ended up repackaging it into ziplocks of five pieces and sold it them to kids for $1/each. That happened for a few days until one of the kids in his homeroom asked to buy five, explaining that he was reselling the candy for 25c a piece and effectively getting a free piece of candy each day, and there were a few kids in his next period class who wanted to do the same. He offered $4 because he wanted to make a profit off his friends. The kid with all the candy agreed, and not only sold out by the end of the week, but ended up buying another $50 or so worth of candy to do it the next week, too.
A few other kids in the homeroom caught wind of this and wanted in. Candy kid ended up selling 5 bags at a time to about five or ten kids in his homeroom, each seeing the opportunity to make a free dollar a day just by being middlemen. It was an easy sale -- you'd tell your friends how you bought the candy and sold it quickly and flashed them the wad of singles you had.
It worked for two days, maybe three.
Basically, the entire grade got flooded with candy sellers, and the candy being sold wasn't scarce any more because the supply wasn't controlled by one person or a cartel. It was a commodity now. Prices crashed to like 10c per piece and the MLM-style distribution structure couldn't support that price. The whole supply dried up pretty quickly thereafter, and with teachers starting to crack down, no one reentered the market for months.
This gave me a good laugh. This happened in my school too, only the drug of choice were the flavored tootsie rolls. There was like a black market for those things and everyone knew who the good dealers were.
[deleted] ยท 2210 points ยท Posted at 04:56:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
MIL215 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:25:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This kind of happened to me with Jolt Gum (the caffeine gum). I got a free huge box because I got points for ordering off of thinkgeek. I wasn't a huge fan, but whatever it's caffeine and gum together. Well a few kids saw and wanted to try and then people were asking all over and I was like "fuck you, I see you for 55 minutes a day in school and don't even like you... give me 2 bucks for it." And thus an industry was born.
It came mildly crashing down when I was reminded that I couldn't sell shit on school property... rotten government cronies. That said I got a laugh after a friend's mom found it and accused him of drug use (its fucking caffeine) and started saying that it was a gateway drug and shit. My grandmother heard about it at church from the mother (family friend) and said when she came into my room, saw the box, and realized that I was the one who sold it to him, that her "heart dropped and I'm worried you are selling and doing drugs." I laughed my ass off at that because I was a scared little kid who had barely drank in his life.
And this is a perfect example of why the war on drugs is a farce and that government should allow free markets to operate unhindered by its strangling, superfluous regulations.
Those were dabbled in, as well. But eventually it got to the point that it wasn't cool unless you were eating the ones sour enough to make your tongue fall off...thus the tootsie roll market began.
My school sold pixie sticks, but some kids liked to snort it. That empire didn't last long.
There was also this thing called juice or something. Kids put some koolaid in sandwich bags mixed with just enough water to make it viscous, similar to silly putty. That stuff was delicious and sold incredibly well.
Lunaaar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:31:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
koolaid in sandwich bags mixed with just enough water to make it viscous, similar to silly putty.
Happened at my school as well but with caramel apple pops.
Asapara ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The vanilla and cherry ones are fucking delicious.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:05:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
kid I knew sold Monster. He'd buy them wholesale for $1/piece and sell them for $2.50. Made a killing. Instead of books in his backpack he'd have 12-20 monsters every day and always sold out. He also used to sell the "cocaine" energy drinks until they were banned.
this kid i knew had a friend that was sponsored by the energy drink cocaine for paintball and would get cases for free. So naturally this kid would get them off his friend and sell it to insomniac teens in the morning. That stuff got me through so many school days
I sold blow at that age, I even had a few teachers buying from me as gum was heavily outlawed so my BLOWpop cartel worked. Made a bunch of money and never go I to trouble, but like most I ended up getting high on my own supply over the summer and gave the rest away at birthday party's (cheap but cool present) and never tripped for 8th grade.
My school had a chocolate trade going on, but at the end of the year the teachers went on a rant about how it's illegal because nobody was paying VAT. (This makes no sense because when the "dealers" bought the multipacks from the store, VAT was paid then.) :( anyways, the chocolate was confiscated if found from then on. And probably eaten by the teachers
This just reminded me of the yo yo craze! If you didn't have a yo yo you just better not have shown up to school. We were a bunch of tootsie-roll-eating yo yo-ing fools!
jburrke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In my school someone sold fireworks this way. Here you need to be over 18 to be able to buy them, and most parents won't do that. His did - knowing he didn't buy them to mess around, but to sell them on and create an enterprise. He would organise demonstration in his yard, even, for interested buyers.
Today he is about to graduate from the most prestigious business school in the country, destined to become CEO somewhere.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tootsie rolls A.K.A the candy that gets thrown out with the bag on Halloween.
My elementary school; it was Warheads. Then in high school, gum because we were allowed to chew in class. Just don't blow bubbles. That's a story for another day though...
Bigbona ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:43 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did a similar thing. My freshman year of high school, I got a hardship license which allowed me to drive to school eventhough I was only 15. I began asking people in my first hour who couldn't drive if they wanted to give me a couple dollars for me to pick them up a drink the next morning. It worked splendidly. It turns out that up to 10 people a day were giving me 2-3 dollars to buy them a 75 cent drink every day before school. I was rolling in cash it felt like until the rest of my classmates got their licenses as well.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:49 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at my school, I bought three 12 packs of no name pop/soda for 3 for $10, and I sold each can for $1.00. made a good
profit.
They probably remember more of their experiences regarding that cartel than anything they learned in lessons those few days.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:42:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I did the same thing with airheads from costco, but only sold on the bus ride home. profits were minimal but i kept it quiet enough so that I could endure doing it for awhile.
Edit: that was when I was in 8th grade and I'm 30 yrs old now.
This is a good idea for an education reform. Let school be even more like a mini-society for the kids. I bet we'd have more left or far-left people then.
And they learned how the authorities don't give two fucks whether or not if what you're doing is wrong. If it's against the rules they'll still shut you down.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:48:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just imagine a kid leaning against the basketball hoop at recess.
"Yo dawg, I got that shit you wanted."
"Hershey's Cookies n creme, nice! How much?"
"$1.50 per bar."
"It was 75 cents just last week!"
"Yeah, well shit's been gettin hot around here lately. Mrs. Stephenson ain't playin games anymore. Searched my shit this morning and everything. You want it or not? Mikey said he would buy everything I've got."
"Dude fuck Mikey! He buys out the whole supply every god damn day. Fine I'll take two."
It's all fun and games until Timothy has to smuggle candy bars in his ass, and Milfy Mrs. Stephenson starts getting strung out on confiscated Kit-Kats, and puts on 20lbs by summertime. Her husband notices the extra weight, starts becoming detatched and Mrs. Stephenson notices that Mr. Stephenson's usual business trips to Seattle are happening a lot more frequently. Mrs. Stephenson starts neglecting grading papers, and watching more soaps. Sneaking Kit-Kats turn into binge Ben & Jerry's, until one day Mr. Stephenson's lawyer serves Mrs. Stephenson divorce papers, and her business sharp skirts and buttonups turn into a moo-moo and the class clown is pooping in the wastebasket during class.
You laugh, but when I was in middle school kids would sneak in pixie stix for people to snort. It got to the point where the administration banned pixie stix entirely from school property.
This actually happened at my high school but with banned sodas like Code Red and Throwback Mountain Dew. Dude made a killing. A little bit less respectable when you're in 11th grade though...
I have a friend named Mikey who has diabetes and celiac disease. He always brings candy to work, so one day we decided to tape him up in his office chair, drive to his house, and take all of his candy. I am an utter asshole and deserve no friends.
" yeah dog, I was hoping I could get, I don't know maybe double, same price "
" ey man don't try and fuck me over you know how the game goes"
"yeah I do and I want double, same price, or else the teacher is gonna find a little something more than sand in the sand box if you catch my drift "
"Mickey don't do me like this. It doesn't have to be this way. I heard they were doubling up on hall guards, if they catch you with that big of a stash they'll thing you're the one selling"
"oh yeah, well fuck you, double, same price "
" Okay Mickey, but your fat ass is gonna regret it... "
Except hopefully the seller doesn't have cancer. No one wants kids to have cancer.
bktj600 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:27:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should read Freakonomics. The story about the economist who did research on a local gang and their drug running is a lot more interesting in how the money flows and who actually makes decent money.
My primary school had a kid going around selling Raro (powdered cordial) in little ziplock bags... didn't go down well when the teachers found out there was a kid selling powder in little bags for $1.50 each (would probably make close to $20 off a single packet of Raro)
Now all that has to happen is one kid, suffering from awful grades who knows he's going to get expelled, decides to take what he learned from making confections in his garage with his dad, and create his own candy.
His candy is known to be the purest, and the sweetest, and it is known by its distinctive blue color...
My brother used to go to a real ghetto school (there was a fight on the hood of my mom's car on his first day there) and apparently there were both drug dealers and candy dealers (who would steal candy then sell it).
The problem was that there was no way to distinguish between the two.
So one day my brother, who was looking to buy some weed, is acossted by a kid. So they go to a kind of secluded area and my brother asks, "so what've you got man."
To which the kid replies, "Man, I got Hershey's. I got Kit-kats..."
Not just drugs, but any commodity market, really. Those poor kids that caught holding the bag when the market crashed... most recently, it'd be people that bought homes in 2006-2007. I mean people's lives were utterly destroyed over that nonsense.
If the school simply legalized the candy and sold their own, the black market would crash and they could open up jobs, and bring in more money through tax or you know... something...
[deleted] ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 07:39:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school did this with the special class. They also made terribly undercooked cookies that were delicious cause they were essentially warm cookie dough.
Mmmm . . . were they about twice the size of normal cookies with massive chocolate chunks in them? If so, my school had those, too. I blame my addiction to them for my teenage chunkiness. (Since I had been active in athletics all my life, it must have been the cookies that packed on the pounds. That and the Oreo's cookies and cream bars. Drool.)
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:15:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They were before communist socialist fascist Michelle Obama put limits on our lunches.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:29:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They could impose import quotas, add tariffs, and subsidize domestic suppliers so that the price to the consumer is lowered while increasing demand and lowering prices. That way our domestic suppliers can become more efficient overtime and compete with foreign suppliers and create jobs back at home.
Naw, throw them all in juvenile prisons because we know that works.
mildiii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My middle school did the same thing. Ended up with an after school candy store. Cept they let late pick up kids run it. So what would end up happening is the kids running it would just skim of the top and eat candy. Watchamacallits were my preference. I would just take them. There were some honest kids who were pretty annoyed but honestly, Asian kids with good grades get away with a lot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back then, they probably could. But if it's anytime after (roughly) 2002ish (in the US) schools have some pretty strict guidelines as to what food/candy products that they can and can't sell.
unique3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on price. Our school sold cans of pop for $1 so I went and bought from Costco for about 20c a can and sold them for 50c. I even insulated a spare locker next to mine and brought in ice so they were cold, I moved a couple cases worth a day and had enough to buy lunch everyday and my own unlimited supply of pop.
The teachers didn't really care and even bought from me because it was a long walk to the cafeteria between classes and I had a great location.
My school did this by putting in a school store that sold candy, soda, and just about everything else. It was run by students with the marketing teacher as supervisor. Turns out kids steal and the store had to close. The few kids who stayed on the black market made so much money that year.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yes, but eating sweets is not something the school should encourage
Plus they could blacklist all those crazy kids with diabetes and mental disorders that are at risk of flipping out in school. They don't need a sugar rush on top of their health risks or mental instability!
Be glad. When I was about 16, a few kids in my year poisoned a teacher with 10 laxative pills. She had to stay in the hospital for a day and police were involved. Not a fun time as the other teachers gave every student crap about it until it blew over. And it wasn't even funny.
Yeah, the exciting stuff that happened in my high school comprises the following:
A guy rang the school saying he'd planted a bomb. This was to protest the fact that the boys did not have Phys Ed. that day. Seriously.
A teacher died of a heart attack during an open evening, right in front of a first year.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is it really? I'm a sophomore right now and things like this happen all the time. Not as extensive as the story, but kids selling candy to funraise/make profit is a common occurrence. One guy in my Precal class buys a box of cookies from Kroger for like nine bucks and resells 3 cookies/1 dollar.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I could do that Withought getting in trouble. Sadly, I do not have the resources to get to a place like sam's club and actually buy stock on the down low.
This reads like a scene from a Scorsese movie. Imagine Ray Liotta saying all this over a montage of all the scenes with some rolling stones in the background
Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the principal? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the teachers, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy's gotta come up with Paulie's money every week no matter what. Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you ran outta blow pops? Fuck you, pay me. You missed the fucking bus? Fuck you, pay me."
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:00:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking more of the Community episode Contemporary American Poultry, but thats probably because its an episode that is an homage to Goodfellas (and others of the genre) where they're selling Chicken Fingers on campus.
Then a montage of all the candy dealers being rounded up and sent the principal's office as the piano part from Layla plays in the background.
The principal, with a small band of teachers in tow, walks down the hall. They stop at a classroom door. The camera cuts to inside the classroom, the main candy kid is selling to a couple of students. The door opens and he raises his hands into the air slowly, accepting his defeat.
And all because that stupid girl needed her god damn lucky hat.
I should really get a gif of the George bush look-a-like from Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo bay when he says "you just blew my fucking mind." Would've made this comment a lot tidier.
Tuss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A pyramidscheme do actually have real goods. It can be everything from blueberrysoup that can cure cancer to normal coffee machines. In pyramidscheme you have to:
Buy the goods yourself
Sell the goods to your friends
Get your friends involved in the scheme.
There is always one person who starts it.
He is always that one person who has pyramidschemes as his profession. He usually has a few companions that always follows him into the new thing and it's these people that starts the real chain.
They attract a friend. Friend gets into it. Has to buy his own goods to sell. Friend then has to attract his own friends to buy from him and eventually get in on it themselves.
It's not. There are only suppliers and kids distributing it further towards other kids. It's a sustainable model based on the direct exchange of goods - it's not based on empty promises.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I did this out of our lockers, our product of choice were tequila suckers (50% migrant Mexican population) and Carmel apple pops. Bought in bulk, he family owned a marketa. We made a killing for 2-3 weeks before the principle stopped it.
Nodri ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:52:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We did a similar thing in high school. I used to live in a little town and my dad went to the city to buy supplies each week. I met a guy that moved from US to this town in Mexico and he had a CD burner when they were very rare. So we did business for a while, I would supply overpriced blank CDs from the city and he would burn them with the content the buyer requested. Lasted for a while, then some PC repair shops started offering the service and we stopped.
I also used to sell study guides for the hard classes were if you failed got your money back. The trick on making profit was selling all of them at once to avoid someone just copy the documents.
It's funny because I did this exact same thing all through high school, except with cigarettes heh.
Back then every morning I acquired a packet of peter Jackson 30's virginia (16mg) for $9.45.
I would sell 20 cigarettes for $10 (50c a piece) then pocket the other 55c and storing those other 10 smokes.
After a few weeks I figured out by buying cartons for almost half the price (per smoke) and price increase to $1 each and I was still selling 4 packs a day.
Each year in January the price of smokes went up but I still had a great profit and kept selling all through high school and never paid for a cigarette again. I accidentally funded my first business selling built computers at 16 with the profits from selling cigarettes.
I got challenged a few times by other sellers but they always got caught or was too open about it. I had that shit down pat.
Shit these days a packet of peter Jackson 30's is around $24 (.80c a smoke) I wonder what the kids in school these days are charging?
During grade school my friends and I would trade airsoft bbs. There were always some laying around the playground as it was a hot spot for the local older kid's airsoft wars. There were an assortment of colors and each one had a different value. Eventually kids started using airsoft bbs to buy things such as pencils and what not. These bbs ended up powering a student economy. Inflation and deflation ended up having an impact on prices as the value of a bb was based on how scarce of a color it was. There was a time where there was a shortage of bbs and entire classes were disenfranchised as a certain group of kids had control over most of the bb supply. Later there was a massive devaluation of bbs when certain kids started buying bbs at stores. These outside bbs flooded the market and ended up destroying the system. This event, known as "The Flood", ended bb trading at my school for several years.
This reminds me of a tweet I saw from Johnny cupcakes (the clothing line owner) talking about how in high school he sold candy out of his backpack and made more money than some kids who were selling weed.
When I was in middle school there was a BJs wholesale club near where my brother lived but not near us, so I used to stock up on Blow Pops and Big Red. I was the only kid with access to wholesale candy so I owned the whole market. Even factoring in all of the candy I gave to girls I had a crush on, I made a killing. When the principal finally put the smack down on my operation he didn't even try to hide how impressed he was with my business acumen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome. I got in on the Pog craze back in the day (mid to early 90s) and dealt some pogs and slammers during school back in the day. I pretty much had the slammer market locked down until our middle school cracked down.
This pretty happened on a much smaller scale, and for longer during my middle school days, but with packs of gum. started selling a piece for a quarter, occasionally 50 cents to a desperate buyer. then started giving a couple kids a pack a day or so and they would bring back the profits with a little to keep. made close to 100-150 bucks real quick doing that.
jgwink2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
These kids are either successful businessmen or successful drug dealers now.
Before CD burners were common, my brother and I made bank by selling custom music mixes in high school. Bought an $800 Plextor drive and charged $10 a disc; business exploded by word of mouth alone. We were kings among men.
Used to do this, found a convenience store with a really good price on gummy worms and sour gummy worms and things like that and resold them for 3 times the price for a while. Then would take part of that and buy more and pocket some of the cash.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school we sold Mexican lollipops, I'd buy 'em for 25ยข & sell them from 50ยข to $1.50 a piece. c:
I'm seriously thinking that my brother was part of this candy cartel. He had a tacklebox he would carry around in middle school with change/cash and the assortment of candy and he would flip it open to sell. He made bank. He had "henchmen" to do all his dirty work and we were in Sam's club buying boxes of assorted candy each week.
My middle school was similar but our drug of choice was cider powder. Completely sold out the snack bar at lunch almost everyday. Most would just eat it plain, but some would snort it. No idea why they would do that...
For me it was jolly rancher lollipops. I used to sell them and take the money to buy CDs in middle school (does that show my age? lol). My school had to crack down on candy sales because of me. Now all schools in the district have policies about outside food being sold in schools.
Thought this sounded familiar! I read it three months ago when you posted it. Still an excellent story.
Opinie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
OP, I submitted this as a story suggestion to planet money. Hope they pick it up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend used to buy Monster energy drinks when they went on sale for 1.50 a piece. Trashy kids WILL pay 2.50 for a damn drink. I'm a sweet tooth myself but holy shit.
My middle school did this with Listerine Strips and jerky.
bzzltyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did a similar thing with those cheap necklaces you got out of the grocery store 25 cent machines. At the time having one earring was very popular for guys, only In the fourth grade no boys were allowed to have their ears pierced. I would buy one chain necklace for a quarter, then take each link off and sell it as a clip on earring for a quarter. The margins were huge and I never told anyone where I got them from so I was able to run it awhile, until fucking parent/teachers conference ruined it. You couldn't keep your mouth shut mr nahakian could you?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in middle school there was a kid that used to sell this white powder called giggles. From a distance it looked a hell of a lot like coke when it was actually just kool aid and crushed candy. You can imagine what happened when the teachers got wind of it.
I wonder if the teachers knew the whole time what was going on and designed rules to produce the exact economic structure evolutions that occurred so as to teach you all complicated economics.
If I was your teacher I'd have given you extra credit for initiative and learning about business by applying it in the real world with risk, reward and hard work.
Dude, real talk, I was the candy selling guy in my middle school. Same thing, got the Sam's club bulk. For my middle school, pixie sticks and starburst were some of the hottest items. Simply could not keep the starburst in stock. Oh man, I hadn't thought about that in ages. I usually hustled out of my locker between periods. Solo operation, small time. Didn't attract any racket.
I used to do this except we were the only ones. It was easy in my school because we had a healthy food policy so the school didnt sell soda or unhealthy food. Anyway, we started by selling cocacola for $1.50 a can. We would buy a 30 box for $20 in the morning, so we would sell a box a day, making $45, or $25 profit per day. Anyway, we progressed on to candy etc and were easily making $200 per week. We purchased a locker in the cafeteria and literally had a queue at our locker everyday to buy this stuff. A teacher found out and even purchased candy from us to supply his class! Anyway it became too much effort so we stopped to focus on our studies a little more but it was definitely a good investment!
Felrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to save this
IRnifty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
With all the schools cracking down on sugary product sales, I'm surprised a teacher hasn't started an underground cupcake dealing ring and call it Baking Bad or something.
I did this with bouncy balls, a package at wal-mart was a dollar that contained 7 regular sized balls and 1 over sized. Charged $.50 for regular and $1 for large, which due to rarity jumped up to as much as $3 at times. Other kids tried to mimic me but they could only find those machines that sell one at a time for as much as I was selling them for. Business was good, kids started using them as currency and at lunch they started giving me their food instead of cash which was greater income potential as long as I needed food and I could pocket the money mom and dad gave me. Kids always lost them too so I had a pretty lengthy rule in the bouncy ball industry. The teachers were impressed with the economy I generated and a lot encouraged it as a learning experience. The kill card was when parents found out that the kids were spending money on balls and not food and when they ended up in a toilet they would not flush.
The ratio of time invested:profit was higher than my current job during those lunch periods.
Slightly off topic but in high school there were kids going around selling DVDs of films still out in theaters. For most internet savvy people, downloading cams was nothing new, but they claim to be DVD quality. Unless it was a leaked print copy, how did they get DVD quality shit?
So I bought a DVD for $5 and took it home to watch, and the quality was God awful. I'd seen cams before but it was unwatchable.
So I confronted the seller and he told me out must have been DVD quality because it was on a DVD. Furious, I spent the entire lunch period explaining to him about bitrate, file size, "the scene," the difference between torrents, irc, and nbzs, until it snapped that he didn't give a shit as long as he made guys $5.
I was just livid that he didn't care at all about the amazing technology being used, the amount of work people went into to create these videos, and the correct terminology for the industry. He didn't deserve to earn this money when he was disrespecting the scene and selling for a profit no less.
In the end I let him keep his empire, but deep down I knew he was undeserving of it.
This felt like a South Park episode while reading.
sdtwo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To add to the story of pseudo drug dealing candy rings in school, I used to go down to Mexico a few times a month to pick up Mexican candy. I would jack up the price quite a bit and then sell it at school. Made a good amount of money but the market got flooded fairly quickly.
I swear every middle school has a candy scammer. At my school, one of the biggest fundraisers was to sell lip shaped lollipops around Valentines day at $3 a pop. Me and a friend ordered a bunch using his older brother's credit card and sold them for a dollar. We made $150 each, which in middle school is quite a lot.
Your middle school literally created its own perfect micro representation of the free market system complete with distributors and inflation leading to super inflation. This is astounding and very illustrative. Wow.
My buddy would buy big boxes of skittles and let me sell some. I made a little profit, for every four I sold I got a dollar. [25% and each bag was sold for a dollars so I made 25 cents a bag]
Our 70 year old teacher told everyone that he was sick and multiple faculty vouched for how sick he looked. Our drama class (he taught drama), was worried since he looks on the verge of death, especially for a 70 year old. Since it was one of the last days of school and we often went to Starbucks during class as kind of a tradition we went to Starbucks on the second day he was gone. We walked in and low and behold, our drama teacher is completely fine and in Starbucks. He sees us, has an "Oh Shit" look, and says "we'll talk about this next week". He missed the rest of the week, which was this week, and we'll find out the story Monday. It's gonna be an interesting drama class on Monday now
Bazrum ยท 486 points ยท Posted at 04:10:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I wanna hear the end of this so please update after drama class drama on Monday!
Sounds like what my principle did.
When I was in fourth grade my family went to Mexico, but I had to miss school to go. My principle approved it because I promised to make a scrap book to prove the trip was 'educational'. The day before we left my mom heard that he was 'deathly sick' and had been bedridden for a few days and would be for another week.
Anyway we leave for Mexico and on our third day there we went to some place about an hour away. I look up see my principle and he sees me. He raised his finger to his lips 'shh' and walked (sprinted) away.
Got back home and saw him to present my scrap book and he just waved it away and said 'good job, you didn't see me, have a lollipop'.
Best trip ever.
Tldr: principle faked extreme illness and went to Mexico after allowing me to miss school to go to Mexico;saw him partying it up and got a lollipop to keep it on the down low.
EDIT: to all of you geniuses who corrected my grammar, I'm on a phone with shitty auto correct and frankly I don't care that much.
Huh. So after you asked your principal heard about your family trip, he decided "that sounds nice, I'll go to the same place they're going!" and packed his sunscreen?
I read your edit, people really get bothered by grammar errors.. Let's just do it on purpose
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Auto correct does it for me!
Qikdraw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
EDIT: to all of you geniuses who corrected my grammar, I'm on a phone with shitty auto correct and frankly I don't care that much.
I'm giving you an upvote for that bit alone.
Glad you had an awesome principle. They really can make a good bit of difference to students. My grade 5 principle was great. I got sent to his office quite often for not doing homework and he would work on it with me. Then one day I blew up at my teacher and said "Shut up you bitch!" (really really loud, they could hear it down the hall, this was also in 1981, so mouthing off to a teacher like that was a huge no no), she tells me to 'Come down to the office young man', I say no, she storms off and the principle comes in a few minutes later. He takes me down to his office, sits me down and says "We all blow our tops from time to time", and that was the only thing he said about that. I really liked him and I was sad he wasn't there the next year.
Bazrum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I've had a lot of good principles over the years. The best part is that the one in my story is still there almost 10 years later!
One assistant principle I had gave me a summer job working at a kids camp. He was one of the co-owners and he saw me applying and said "you're a good kid, your teachers speak well of you and you've never been to see me. When can you start?" He was the best boss ever.
Sookye ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:48:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DOWNVOTE FOR NOT CARING ABOUT GRAMMAR
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your grammar isn't so hot either. A sentence composed entirely of caps is hard to read and almost every single grammar teacher(english teachers) I've had said it's not acceptable.
Sookye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
NO THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE ON THE INTERNET IF YOU WANT TO SOUND SHOUTY AND STUPID
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I CAN YELL TOO BUT YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL, SOMETIMES COMPUTERS CAN GET STUCK LIKE THIS. THEY ATTACH A VIRUS TO YOU AND YOU CARRY IT WITH YOU FOREVER INFECTING MORE COMPUTERS! YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE, IT HAPPENED TO MY BROTHER!
For those who wanted a follow-up, I went to class today and we asked him about it. He still claims he was very sick and that his daughter was taking him to the doctor and they just happened to stop at Starbucks on the way to the doctor. He then proceeded to yell at us for going instead of having a study hall, and said if he was a good teacher we all would have got detention. Honestly it seems like he just wanted to spend time with his daughter but for some reason he's still insistent on lying even though it's almost definitely BS
Why's it always the drama classes where the kids leave during them to go to Starbucks? I'm in theatre now as a junior, and my class is 50% watching musicals and 50% kids ditching to go to Starbucks.
CDC_ ยท 1582 points ยท Posted at 02:01:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be a local musician in the Charlotte, NC area. I wasn't huge or anything, but I played a couple of big shows. One night I was opening for an act I really respected and admired (national act). It was a pretty surreal night. People actually bought CDs from me, and a few even asked me to sign them. Being a local musician can be a depressing and very disheartening experience. It's very rare to actually make it, and paying gigs can be difficult to come by. That night I was on the tip top of my game. I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks. I'd had quite a few beers and me and my friends were all just kind of basking in the evening. I would call the state I was in "very drunk." Not quite shitfaced, I could still string sentences together and make sense. I could walk without stumbling (much) but I certainly wouldn't have driven or tried to call my wife and pretend to be sober.
Our DD drove us back home, it was about a 45 minute drive. We stopped off at a gas station. I walk in, ask for some gas, get some chips and head back to the car. There is a black SUV parked out front and 2 guys sitting in it, I walk passed them. The guy driving (a white dude) says "hey man." I look over at him. He points to his friend riding shotgun and says "didn't you play at Tremont tonight?"
"Sure did."
"This guy wants to beat my ass, you think you can take him?"
"Huh?"
"You think you can take him? You got my back."
The black dude is just dead eying me. He looks very unhappy. I just kinda shrug and say "uh... nah ... y'all work that out yourselves."
I hear him yell and cuss... then as I'm walking back toward my car, I see all of my friends starting to get out, they all look concerned. I turn around and the white guy and black guy from the SUV are like... 2 inches from me. They start shoving me. There's a scuffle, my friends run up to help, but I kind of back away and I start screaming at everyone to get in the car. Most of my friends are drunk too, though, and at this point everyone seemingly wants to fight. I pull one of my friends back, get him in the car, my DD pulls the other one back. It's kind of a blur, but we all manage to get in the car and my DD friend starts the engine.
The black guy gets RIGHT UP to my rolled up window, reaches into his pants, pulls out a pistol and lays it flat against the window, and I believe says "STAY THE FUCK OUT MY CITY, BITCH." Something like that.
I almost pissed myself. It was pretty scary. We pull out, quickly, and as we're pulling into the street I notice 2 cop cars are pulling up. They don't even really look in our direction but both cops got out and were drawing weapons (I was probably 30-50 yards away looking back.)
To this day I haven't the vaguest clue what the fuck I did to offend that guy. I looked up in the local news to see if anyone fitting his description was arrested. Found nothing. Very surreal.
I don't rap anymore, but not because of that. I played a few more shows after that, actually. Still one of my scariest moments.
No, Darius Rucker is totally chill. My sister and I worked one night as local crew, tearing down the stage and packing semis. When we were leaving, Darius walked over to us from where he was drinking and hanging out with a few people. Told us thanks for helping and offered us some beers. We stayed for about an hour, just hanging out and drinking. He was playing music on his iPod and we ended up dancing and singing No Diggety together, lol. It was fun as hell.
Its because he called himself a "local musician" in Charlotte, NC and he mentions playing "shows". These aren't the typical language you'd associate with a rap act. Most unsigned rappers would call themselves rappers, MCs, etc. rather than "local musician" which we think of as more acoustic, folk, or indie rock types. Also NC gives you that kind of Southern or possible country vibe, although there are heavy rap elements in Charlotte's music scene you don't think of them since he'd referred to himself as a local musician.
I would only say Grier Heights and that sort of area is ghetto. That and when you start to get out towards Mount Holly and that sort of region. Most of the area within 4 or 5 miles of Uptown is pretty developed
all hip hop performances are called "shows". people almost always say hip hop shows, not hip hop concerts. concerts are for 80s rock bands in stadiums.
Yep. The guy in my head went from Seth Rogan with an acoustic guitar to Kid Cudi in a hoodie
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I was expecting blues or rock or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As soon as he said this, I imagined an incredibly white guy reeling off wildly offensive racial slurs on stage in front of a predominantly black audience and every now and again "This is my city bitches, my city!".
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I really thought he was more a rocker up til that point. It didn't make sense for a black man to want to almost kill him.
The entire story just dropped when he said rap. I like rap, just seems more expected if it's a genre that basically glorifies violence.
Zuslash ยท 451 points ยท Posted at 04:11:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Gas stations in Charlotte are home to some of the craziest people and events. My girlfriend and I pulled into a station off independence blvd once and a girl hopped in the backseat bleeding out her mouth screaming for us to chase a black Chrysler 300 that was peeling out of the gas station. He almost hit us on the way out. I grew up outside the US where if someone jumps in your car you jump out so I instinctively noped the fuck out of the car and pulled my girlfriend out aswell. A cop was driving passed while all this was going down so I waved him into the gas station. The girl gets out the car screaming at us for waving down the cop and starts yelling that we beat her and that's why she's bleeding. Cop didn't buy it and asked us what happened. A few bystanders witnessed the whole thing and backed our story. After a statement we we're let go. To this day I am not sure what the situation was all about but I think she was an addict and the guy who peeled out was probably her sugar daddy. I have some crazy stories to tell about this city.
Edit: This appears to have shone a bad light on Charlotte. For the most part South End and Uptown are great places to be. I have lived here about 5 years and I love it here even if I cant get a little boring at times.
Another story for those who are interested.
I was walking up town with some friends after a night of drinking and having fun. We weren't being terribly quiet and we were clearly a bunch of college kids having fun. Out of nowhere a man walks up to us with a very serious look on his face, looks me dead in the eyes and asks if I have any regrets. Being slightly drunk and stupid I told him none whatsoever, that I love life and wished him a good night. He asked me if I was sure. I said yes and kept walking, completely aware of him staring at me as we continued on our way. Within 5 minutes I had completely forgotten about the encounter and was back to having a blast being an idiot college kid.
An hour later we are all driving home. Our DD was sober and we were tightly packed into her car when a city bus t-boned us doing 45 in the city. The bike rack on the front of the bus welded into the side of the car and we spun around the intersection coming to a stop only inches from the corner of a building. I stepped out of the vehicle with only a small bruise on my hip from the seat belt. It was mayham. The entire front of the bus was shattered and torn apart. Our car (an oldsmobile) was a ball of metal. Two were unconscious, one was screaming, the other was crawling around the back of the car looking for his glasses. None of us died yet two sustained broken bones which took a few months to heal. They were removed from the car with the jaws of life and bound to a wheelchair/crutches while they recovered. Myself and two others walked away completely unscathed. It wasn't until months later that I remembered the man who asked me if I had any regrets. It still gives me chills thinking about it. I am almost positive he knew that I would almost die that night. If our car had been even one inch further backwards or forwards when the bus hit chances are we would have all been gravely injured. I'll post another story later tonight for those interested.
Seriously! I lived an hour away from Charlotte some 8 years ago. A friend of mine happened to drive through Charlotte at night and stopped at a gas station. He totally freaked out seeing the guys hanging around and drove off into the darkness, deciding to fill gas elsewhere.
I met Santa at a gas station in Charlotte. He was in his full get-up driving a Chrysler Sebring with reindeer stickers on the side. I think that's the craziest thing I've seen. A drunk guy trying to fill up his car getting arrested by 12 cops, who had nothing better to do other than come watch, is second. There wasn't a fuss though, so it wasn't a big deal. It all depends on where you go in Charlotte. If you go to Independence, you might see some shit, but for the most part Charlotte's cool. Richmond, Virginia on the other hand, is where it's at.
Not on weekends, especially in the epicenter and uptown. When I was a bouncer at the music factory it was very interesting. If you still live in the QC you should check it out..
Charlotte is not a scary town. It has urban areas, and it is highly populated, so there are some regions that have issues. Homelessness is also a problem (mostly for the homeless, not so much for anyone else- usually a head-down crowd) in some areas, mostly close to uptown, which is where a lot of their resources are found. However, much of Charlotte is peaceful and suburban, I loved every minute I lived there. Any big city will have some shit going down on occasion, but Charlotte really isn't all that wild.
That's what I thought! I figured a town that looks that nice couldn't be that bad. I've only been there a few times for less than a day each time and just thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it!
Haven't y'all heard? Charlotte's a "world class city" now. (eye roll). No, seriously though, /u/AmondaPls is right, it's pretty tame and pretty boring with big shit going down occasionally. Live in South Park, South End, Elizabeth, or Dilworth - or if you're outside of the city, go north and live in Cornelius or Davidson. You'll be fine.
I had crazy rednecks circling my car when I was pumping gas and yelling obscenities at me. That was off Albemarle Rd. I don't fill up over there anymore.
Rbaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God dammit, I'm probably moving to Charlotte this Summer...
I dont know why, but I was imagining you playing like smooth jazz. And I was really fucking confused, like just imagine. A jazz player pulling a pistol on you! Then you said you rapped, and the stereotypes rushed back and this made sense. Lol
CDC_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I realized towards the middle of writing that, I had not mentioned what kind of music I make. Realized people might find this incredibly bizarre for a ska show, so I added the part about rapping.
Glad you did, I was imagining a Clarence Clemons, Louis Armstrong figure yelling, "STAY OUT KF MY CITY, BITCH!" I found it rather humorous.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:23:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Charlotte, NC. It's not a bad/dangerous place if you stay out of certain areas. Stay out of the eastside after dark and stay away from Hidden Valley and Freedom drive area all the time. Besides this is actually MY city and I say you're welcome here.
Thank you! Too many people are trying to shit on Charlotte. It has its sketchy parts just like any other city, but it's just fine on the whole.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome! Honestly even the sketchy areas are mainly just full of people that hit it hard and don't mean anyone any harm. The Hidden Valley Kings used to be a problem but they aren't really around anymore. Most of it's just druggies and wannabe gangsters lol. Charlotte is good because of the fact that there aren't many major gangs fighting over turf and what not. You got your drug dealers but CMPD knows where most of it is centered and does a pretty good job of keeping it confined to those areas. Hell just near my house the city is finally tearing down what used to be Castlewood apartments. Those were some of the roughest apartments in the city, so they are making a lot of improvements.
theorys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:39:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who did you open up for? pls.
CDC_ ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:44:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tech N9ne.
theorys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty dope man..opened up for anyone else?
CDC_ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:54:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
MC Chris, MC Frontalot, Twiztid (yes, I'm aware they're associated with ICP. Exposure is exposure), Afroman, Mickey Avalon, Dirtball, Big B. I was in pretty good with a lot of the club owners around the area.
theorys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:03:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet man. Thanks for responding to me. Big up!
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have an upvote for playing in the most/only dangerous city in North Carolina.
Edit: I Now have a list of North Carolinian redditors.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:25:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Charlotte isn't that dangerous at all compared to a lot of those small towns in eastern NC. If you're an outsider you just stay the hell out of those places.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Rocky Mount is not a safe place. I'd rather take my chances if Charlotte.
I spend a lot of time there at the record store, Dead Wax, especially since the owner started having free punk shows on Saturday nights.
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, really? I haven't heard a word about that. I'm a huge punk fan, actually. What do you mean by punk shows exactly? Like... a stage with a punk band playing? In that little shopping center?
There's no stage so the bands are on the floor with the crowd. I'm actually hoping to book this poetry/rock show there in september. He's also putting out a comp of the bands who've played there so far in July I think. You should check the place out and ask about upcoming shows.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:56:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Being a local musician can be a depressing and very disheartening experience
Especially in Charlotte, fuck.
Legaato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you make your own instrumentals, I wouldn't really consider you a musician. Or unless you sing in your hooks. This isn't to put you down in any way, I fucking love hip hop and I'm a rapper myself, so don't think I'm trying to talk shit.
The part of this story that made me really 100% believe it was a single guy pulling a pistol and then claiming Charlotte. Everyone who lives near Charlotte thinks they own the fuckin place.
Which gas station? I imagined it to be the one at plaza n parkwood for some reason.
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't recall offhand. It was off I-85 going towards Gastonia. I was pretty drunk.
Segu1n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was picturing you as a country singer for some reason, until that last part of the story. Never thought rap, but you are still wearing a cowboy hat in my mind.
I remember one time when I was a very small kid in Charlotte we stopped at a McDonald's and witnessed a guy passing a handgun out of the drive through window to a car!
wow, its sad that for some people greed is ranked higher than compassion. i read lots of these and it sickens me that people can take advantage of other and feel no remorse
[deleted] ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 09:31:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If she has her kid taken away, again, make sure you let her know you won't be assisting her. When she questions that, tell her what you did, and watch her shit her pants
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 15:30:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Foster care has problems, without any doubt. But from the sound of it this family is not a very healthy environment either. There are times when the foster system is a far better option for a kids future than growing up in a drug addicted manipulative and emotionally abusive family. I've known a lot of kids who went through the system (my family was an emergency foster house) and while the system is hard and very flawed, nearly all of them are better off today than if they had been forced to stay with the families they were taken from.
jmk816 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:21 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like someone I would vote for.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 14:36:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just a reminder most public defenders and poverty lawyers are not like that. Lawyers who work with low-income people often have case loads in the hundreds. We try to give our best representation to everyone but it's impossible. Our offices are underfunded and understaffed. Sometimes we don't get our cases until the day of the hearing. I do civil cases, mostly evcitions, and while I want everyone to receive appropriate assistance sometimes I've got cases in three different cities and our organization has to chose who's hearing I actually go to. It's not justice but 98% of us do everything we can with what we have.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:27:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for getting so defensive! I've had a particularly rough week, with a client even telling me that if I were a "real lawyer" she would have gotten a different outcome, so maybe I took this a little personally :)
I feel like somethings been left out of the story here. You don't get sexual harassment filed against you for just asking someone on a date.
Be honest what happened?
I really, really want to believe this, but I just can't. I'm not an expert in any of this, but I just don't think a lawyer would take this case without actually talking to the client and explaining who was paying the bill. Besides, if it was all resolved by calling in a favor and getting a front page story, why pay the lawyer 14k? For what? One phone call? I hate to be a pessimist, but I think there is at best some serious omission here, or at worst complete BS.
Honestly, if the 14k lawyer thing is true it lends more credence to the creepy coworker angle, because who does that? Who knows enough about their coworker's personal details to get that involved and for what motive? Amused mastery indeed.
She filed a sexual harassment suit against you for asking her on a date, and the company fired you outright? Did she lie and say you did something besides ask her out, or did your company really value you that little?
I mean, you'll have to forgive my skepticism - this story hits all of the reddit sympathy hot buttons: man does a good deed, man keeps quiet about his good deed, ungrateful bitch files spurious sexual harassment claim, stacked authorities obviously take her side because "all a woman has to do is sneeze and every employer in the land will blame it on a man."
It doesn't seem likely that you were fired for asking "want to grab a drink this Friday?"
Wow wtf stories like yours is why people are scared to do nice things for others. Like in China, if someone falls down by themselves people don't help because oftentimes the person will sue
This is a pretty sweet story so I never get to tell it to people, it would show them how nice I can be.
Anyway I was working in activities in a nursing home when I was younger and had this couple who I adored. The husband didn't need to be there but he was because he wanted to be with his wife. Oh man did he have a mouth on him, another reason why I loved that couple. We would always chat and they would tell me their stories while I was doing the wife's nails. Well then the wife took a turn for the worse. And she was getting really bad but she got to see her last birthday. I went to go visit them and bring him his dinner on her birthday and he made a joke " hey since it's her birthday and she can't eat can I have her steak dinner?" I giggled it off and apologized for the crap dinner I was bringing to him.
Then I decided hey why not so I left work and went to Texas Roadhouse and got him a steak dinner. He was really surprised, he was just joking. A few days later she died, and then he left the facility. They were such an adorable and cute couple.
Edit: thank you amazing random redditer who gave me gold!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thanks it was one of my prouder moments I had in life so far. They were truly a sweet couple I hope to be like that one day
s1wg4u ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:12:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What I like about this is she did something nice for two people. One for the husband, and one for the woman who the wife used to be. If the woman who the wife was saw what you did for her husband, I guarantee she'd be moved to tears.
As a man who hopes to never live a day without his wife, You're beautiful.
I love this story! I worked in Activities too at a large retirement home. I fell in love with those patients. It was hard to leave them, and it was really hard when they left me :-( I did bring my little Snow Cone maker to work one day. This machine was small, and produced a little bit of shaved ice. I had about 50 residents on my floor. I bought a bunch of cups, and flavored syrups. I had that little machine working all day. But they were so happy to have this unexpected treat, especially in July in Alabama! That was 7 years ago, but I remember them all clearly.
People don't see me an a nice-ish person. I look a little scary covered in tattoos and crazy hair, I've always kind of scared people. And I kinda hate a lot of people, but for valid reasons. And I'm oddly shy and quiet, so I've always been the weird one everyone assumed I was mean. Doesn't bother me, I like my old people and they get to see the real me. So that's that story.
Much respect!!! I will say that I've had the pleasure to come across all types of people from different walks of life and thankful that I kept an open mind about it cause that's how I met one of my Best Friend's!!!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I ate at Texas Roadhouse last week and I feasted. Love the free dinner rolls and cinnamon spread. Next time I won't eat as much as those so i can actually finish my steak.
geuis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Boyscouts, 10ish. Visited a home with my troupe. Weren't allowed to really interact with residents but I remember old folks alone in their rooms. Now I think back and it occurs to me these people lived extraordinary lives and died alone in a nursing home. Don't think I want that to happen to me.
Every place is different and it really depends on the staff. There will always be people who you can tell really love their patients and people who are just in it to make money.
Some patients prefer to be in their rooms then with crazy ass people ( dementia patients) an maybe their family just dropped them there and left them.
It's hard when people come in from churches and Boy Scouts because they don't treat you any different then they treat us. My mom went to my facility with her church to do bingo and I warned her they are going to be very mean if you don't get shit right. She came home and told me she got replaced as a caller (calls the numbers) because she wasn't doing it right and all the intense players were getting really mad. I found it hilarious but she was upset by it.
Old people can be very intimidating but they are amazing and have amazing stories once you get to talking to them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:23:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is that what you call a "pretty sweet story"? This man apparently loved his wife and lost her!
_bount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope this really happened to me at the nursing home I worked at I always got to hang out with my residents and I really cared for this couple. She was a doll to be around and always was nice to me and her husband always was cracking jokes. He made jokes even after she was gone, then he got to go home with the rest of his family.
It was my first job and I really took it seriously and really ended up caring for all the people I had to deal with and help. Not notebook-ey at all.
When I was 15 years old, I ran away from home because I was pissed off at my parents for a reason I cant remember. I didnt have much money, so I decided to hop onto the skytrain(public transport train in British Columbia) and ride it as far as it would go. I reached the end of the line in less then an hour, and decided I wanted to ride it all the way back again, while trying to formulate some kind of plan of how I wanted to live the rest of my life without my parents or anyone.
At the last stop, or the first stop depending on your perspective of it, a girl came on and sat in the row right behind me. I didnt pay much attention to her at first, as I was busy writing my life plan on a napkin. It was a few minutes later that she got up and came sat next to me, curious as to what I was writing. I told her the story, and after a few laughs, we began talking about everything and anything. Her name was Amanda, 17 years old, and absolutely wonderful. She told me she was getting off at the last stop, which was also the first stop, depending on how you look at it. It was also the stop I had gotten on originally, and I told her we would ride to it together. The train ride took less then an hour, and what a wonderful hour indeed.
When the last stop did come, we both knew we probably wouldnt see each other ever again(this was before the days of cellphones, and I was a shy little kid afraid to make moves). As we got to the end of the sidewalk which split in two different directions, she went right and I went left. Before saying goodbye she turned to me and asked me a question that has become a wonderful part of my life; she asked me, โTell me something you have done, or want to do, that you think I should do? It can be anything, as challenging as you want it to be, or as easy. As long as you give me the rest of my life to complete it, I promise I will do it..โ I was confused as to why, but I thought about it, and told her, โSing a song acapella in a room full of strangers.โ She said perfect and asked me if I would like a challenge as well. I told her I did, and she told me, โread, from start to finish, โUlyssesโ by James Joyce.โ I had never heard of it at the time, but I agreed, and we said our goodbyes.
I have a awful memory, and cant remember most conversations I have with most people. But I remember all of that clearly. You know why? Because of the challenge she gave me. In the 12 years that have past since, I have tried to read that book in over 150 different sittings. Everytime I open my copy of the 780 page monster of a book, I always think of her, and I always think of that day. Ive never been sure if it was her intent or not, but she left her lasting memory on me with that challenge. I soon after learned what she did, was a completey wonderful and amazing thing for me. So I decided to keep it going.
Ive met a lot of strangers in my life; some that have become friends, and some, due to living in different time zones and whatnot, didnt. I dont want to just have experiences and then let them go. I want to remember these meetings, and embrace the fact that they happened. So whenever I leave someone who has left an amazing impact of my life, I always make sure to add them to my Ulysses Bucket List. I ask them to give me a challenge, as difficult or as easy as they want it to be, and regardless of the fact that they have done it or not; simply something their heart has had wanted to do.
Some have been easy and fun; I met a man in India 9 years ago who told me to, for a week or a month, cook/buy twice as much food as I intend on eating, and give the other half to a stranger in need. I completed that mission 8 years ago, and thought about that man and the time we had all the way through. I met a girl on a cruise 6 years ago, who told me to jump into a body of water on a slightly cold day, without touching or feeling the temperature of the water first. I did that the very same year. I met a couple at an outdoor music festival a few years ago that told me to wear the most bizarre outfit imaginable and walk through a public place, completely oblivious to the fact that you arent looking normal. I did that task the very next day, at the same festival.
Some have been difficult, to say the least: three guys I met in Amsterdam and smoked all night with, told me to go to a mall and give 10 strangers 10 presents. That one took a lot of courage, but I did it a year or so after I met them. It was nerve racking, but at the same time exhilerating leaving my comfort zone. A girl I met on a plane told me to sky dive; Im still in the process of getting that done. A couple I met in Cali on the beach told me to tell the 5 people I hated the most, that I love them and respect them. That one was very difficult because of my stubborness, but ive come close to completing that list many a times(still in the process, 2 more people to go).
And some things, have had an everlasting impact on my daily life. I met a girl at a music festival, who told me that whenever I get mad at someone, walk away, sing my happy song in my head for 5 minutes, go back to the person im mad at with a clam heart and mind, and work things out. Ive made this my way of life. I once met a man at a gym in a hotel I was staying at, that told me โwhenever your body and brain tells your that you are exhausted and doneโฆuse your heart instead and push out 2 more reps.โ Ive made this my motto when working out or working on any kind of extrenuating exercise in which my body demands me to quit. I also use it while working on anything, and while studying. One of the best pieces of advice ive ever received.
There are many others that each brought joy to my life. There are still many tasks I have yet to accomplish, and everytime I think of these tasks, I think of the people that gave them to me. It amazes me how well I remember all these people, while I cant remember so many aspects of even yesterday. These experiences, not only do I take from them a โmissionโ or a โchallengeโ, I also take from them a memory of them that never fails to appear inside of my mind.
I opened my Ulysses book for probably the 300th time yesterday, and read a few pages, which prompted me to share this story with you today. Im in the final 30 pages of the book, also known as the most dreaded of the read(in the last 40 pages or so, James Joyce doesnt use a single punctuation mark; no periods, no commas, no nothing; a straight 50 page run-on sentence).
I never saw Amanda after that day, nor do I know if she ever did get a chance to sing a song to a room full of strangers. But what I do know, is that she gave me a gift that has never once stopped giving. So wherever you may be, thank you for giving me the Ulysses Bucket List. And I swear iโll finish it one day. My life advice? Simple: Create your own Ulysses bucket list.
Edit 1:fixed some spelling mistakes. Going to leave 'clam' as is, haha!
Edit 2: Ulyssesbucketlist subreddit is now a thing!
Edit 3: I'm trying to reply to all of your comments and give everyone who asks for their own challenge! Please bare with me, I'll get to you I promise!
Edit 4: Monday 5/19/2014 UPDATE: I'm kind of lacking words at the moment, and am in awe of the power of the universe. Writing this story was just to relive a moment in my life, and to share it with others and maybe help them in some sort of way(or just give an entertaining story to read). Never did I think there was the slightest chance I would actually get to talk to her again. But thats exactly what happened. Last night I found out that the Amanda that ThatGuyWhoAte knew, was in fact the Amanda I met 14 years ago. Thank you Reddit. From the bottom of my heart, I give to you the sincerest Thank You I can possibly give. You gave me a chance to continue a life story that stopped writing 14 years ago. I will never forget this.
[deleted] ยท 2797 points ยท Posted at 05:14:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She can't quite remember your name but she remembers you. Since she isn't really sure if it's you. She's going to think it over. She has some weird stalker, so she is paranoid right now.
For everyone that is asking: thatguywhoate and I have been private messaging, I've told him my description and name. His "Amanda" is going to call him tomorrow hopefully to tell him! I don't want to get my hopes up, I'll let you all know as soon as I know.
[deleted] ยท 768 points ยท Posted at 06:51:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
edit the original comment if it's real with the update on the reunion please, i must know the conclusion
I know this is two months old but maybe because it was 14 years before this comment thread and if she made a habit of doing it with everybody she met around that time there could be scores of other potential Ulysses-acquaintances
My only thing is I very rarely remember names. So an Amanda becomes a Amy becomes a Katie very easily when a story isn't written down immediately after happening.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 209 points ยท Posted at 16:13:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
UPDATE: Amanda agreed to a Skype chat. This could be the start of something wonderful y'all.
[deleted] ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 23:01:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
UPDATE: Amanda had to postpone the Skype chat because she wanted to do something that Jehovah's witnesses do. She's one of those.
He asked me to send a picture of her but I can't find my old SD card with her picture on it. I told him she was white/Vietnamese and he hasn't replied and that was about 2 hours ago. I'm starting up think it's not the Amanda he knows.
Recording it is a little creepy and awkward. I think the future of these two is more important than us. I would rather have them happy than enjoying a 2 minute clip.
I hope its your Amanda. She might not be as you pictured her (dreams and idealised versions are always more glorious than reality) but I hope you find her and tell her how much your life has changed as a result of the little thing she did on the sky train that day.
You should be the one questioning him. What color is her hair? Her last name? Where was she going? What buildings were there? Something only she would know about it.
elruary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
By god OP, out of all the cliff hangers I've experienced on reddit in my short 2 years on this website, this one takes the cake. Deliver my good man, we beg of you.
RemindMeBot! 18 hours "Ulysses Bucket List Connection"
devjunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck! Saving.
Haxdoto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is such an amazing story :) I hope it turns out to be her, even though that may be a very emotional situation for you, to finally know who she is and where she lives
daweis1 ยท 2814 points ยท Posted at 05:47:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please, please, please let this be real...
mariojt ยท 876 points ยท Posted at 06:22:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
if this is real, the movie version will be so perfect!
Im gonna write this just in case this becomes a movie
[deleted] ยท 668 points ยท Posted at 06:31:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but one of them will end up having cancer and the ending will be simultaneously sad and joyous.
Korberos ยท 595 points ยท Posted at 08:01:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
She sings in a room full of people, but the twist is that it's on her deathbed, surrounded by people whose life she changed. She then dies toward the end of the song. The rest of the people spontaneously finish the song together and then continue her actions of challenging strangers to do great things in their life.
How about just the person she originally challenged at age 16?
The doctors and nurses swarm about. The nurses are taping down her IV and hanging bags of fluids. The doctors are scribbling notes about her condition and vitals as they prepare to move her to the OR for emergency surgery.
She looks to the boy she challenged to read Ulysses so many years ago, no longer blonde and freckled but gray and wrinkled. She beckons him with her finger. He bends over her hospital bed as she whispers to him, "you know, I never did sing to a room full of strangers."
"You still have time," he sniffles.
"Better late then never," her weak voice creaks back.
She looks up at the doctors and nurses, strangers who see a hundred patients a day. If they didn't remember her, at least she would know them for the rest of her life, even if their faces were all covered with paper masks. Their eyes hold their concern. A hundred patients a day and they still cared. Their eyes shine with confidence and trust, as if to say that even if the surgery failed, as it was likely to do, that everything will be okay.
She smiles suddenly, knowing what song she'll finally sing.
Her lips crack open and a whisper escapes.
"Here's a little song I wrote," she begins. As the words flutter out, they grow louder. "I want to sing it note by note."
The doctors and nurses look at her. And that crazy runaway boy she'd ridden the train with smiles and joins in, taking her by the hand.
See I was thinking more he does from cancer, she finds him after all these years and sings his favorite "happy" song, even though she never heard him sing it and didn't know it was his happy song. Then all of his loved one join in. Both are great
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:15:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively, she's singing in an a cappella group, but right as she is supposed to sing "I saw the sign," she projectile vomits and they lose the finals.
let's start casting right now. Let's see... nothing too obvious, like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan... Already, I know that Aubrey Plaza would be the perfect Amanda character, but who best to play OP? It has to be someone who is normally tame, slightly nervous and shy, but who can really 'open up' when they see how the Ulysses Bucket List changes their perspective. Also must be 'adorable' with Aubrey Plaza... someone as nervous as the main character in Silicon Valley could be a match, but needs to be able to play the enthusiastic full-of-life type later. This movie is like The Bucket List, Pay It Forward, and The Yes Man had a 3-way, one got pregnant, and out popped this script. I know that's a confusing analogy, but more importantly, who could play such a role?
OP has to be either Andy Samberg, Justin Timberlake, Michael Cera, or Ashton Kutcher. There I've done all the hard work now let's get this ball rolling. (Also, Morgan Freeman must have a role somehow... maybe just some homeless guy with a dog who turns out to be Jesus........... This could work people)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:21 on June 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
mariojt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:21:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and 'the reader 2' is a story from amanda's perspective. I secretly gifted as a movie director.
Acc87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Situation like this happen so often here on Reddit, but so little ever happens. For a moment I feel my life change through reading this story, but a week or two later its forgotten again.
But what if they do, indeed meet, but she turns out not to be the guiding awesome person OP remembers her as.
I'm scared. On one hand, yes to meeting significant people in your life again! On the other, maybe it's best that everyone left it the way it was/is - - perfect
ijustdontknowguys:(
NNOTM ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 06:55:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To quote Eugene Gendlin:
What is true is already so.
Owning up to it doesn't make it worse.
Not being open about it doesn't make it go away.
And because it's true, it is what is there to be interacted with.
Anything untrue isn't there to be lived.
People can stand what is true,
for they are already enduring it.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:43:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone on the internet is lying, he must be lying. But if everyone lies, that means I'm lying and he's not, which goes against the laws of pysics that everyone on the internet is lying, and we've successfully created a black hole
nspr ยท 896 points ยท Posted at 06:04:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Both user histories seem to be real.
/u/Yoinkie2013 has a lot of beautifully written stories but the details match up as far as I can tell. If everything he's experienced is true, this guy is an amazing human being.
Calling it on /r/bestof tomorrow if this somehow magically turns out to be legit.
Meanwhile its 2 AM but I'm going to find myself a copy of Ulysses.
In the future, redditors will be saying "where were you the day that /u/ThatGuyWhoAte responded to /u/Yoinkie2013 ?" and we can all say "I was right there, in the thread".
kx2w ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:07:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So do I have to comment to prove my existence in the thread? Cause I don't want to. This is just a placeholder.
Does anyone else think it's weird that Yoinkie posted that in 2012 verbatim, even the end where he said "I opened my Ulysses book for probably the 300th time yesterday, and read a few pages, which prompted me to share this story with you today"?
Speaking as a writer, the writing of an anecdote is still a piece, not just a smattering of words to crudely tell a story. Once you've written it to where you're content with the way it's written you tend not to want to mess with it. If comes the time to tell the same story elsewhere; copy, paste. It doesn't pay to try to write the same thing twice.
Speaking as a fellow writer, I agree completely. Speaking as an editor, I feel like I'd at least update the last paragraph with the current page number estimate.
If he's a writer and he's sticking with some narrative of it, it'd be nice to say that. Otherwise he's James Frey'ing it, i.e. using the authenticity of it being a memoir to add weight to it when really none is needed. It's a good story without having to embellish it.
E5PG ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:34:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's on a default though.
nspr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know, but I've never been that guy who calls "first!" on a post and I figure its an easier challenge to beat than reading Ulysses.
Sorry if I did it wrong :)
AznMaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.... If this is real... I want to know what happens when they meet after almost 15 years. To see how much of an impact that one chance encounter had.
I think you're lying. The girl in his story would be thrilled to talk to him again and you built in a reason why what you're saying can't be proven true or false. You're an evil person if you're playing with OP that way.
reevnge ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:52:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should send her a link to his comment :) if it were me I think it would be so cool to see what an incredible change I sparked in someone 14 years ago
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is like that cheese dude and horny biology class girl love story all over again.
I really hope this is real, and she decides to talk with him. Also, this is an interesting look at how everyone's connected in some way... Supposedly you're only a certain number of "hops" from any other person in the world (I can't remember how many, but I want to say thirteen). I wonder how much that number changes on a network like Reddit.
On the Amanda thing. IF it really does happen to be her, please post something on some subreddit that will show on the front page. We the people hope this happens. Greatest love story ever it it happens.
bawss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:58:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Every time something like this happens I just think about what reddit will be like in another 50 years when basically everyone in the world will be on it. It will be so easy to find people you lost. The internet has really changed the world immeasurably.
It actually will be! A few months ago I posted this on a blog site that I like to write for, and a film student from a college in Venezuela contacted me asking if we could make it into a film. It's been an amazing experience working with this kid half way across the world. It's not going to have much of a budget or anything, and most probably just him and his friends making it. But it will still be cool to see my story on camera!
Maybe someday we can make this into a reddit colab movie! Producers, directors, actors all redditors. Somebody call /u/Vernetroyer, he needs to be in on this!
Neyfin ยท 356 points ยท Posted at 04:50:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We have been e-mailing each other for a couple of weeks working on the script. All we have is skype and computer communication so it's a slow process. I've never done anything like this so it's taking time to learn. I'll keep you posted!
This sounds like an awesome way to live, but how did you ask people to give you a challenge? Do you just casually sneak it into a conversation or do you just ask for it out of the blue?
Mind if i take a crack at this concept too? I'm a film student who has been looking for inspiration, and the idea of challenging a person when you leave them is great.
I agree with the other posters! I want to see the movie when it's done, too. Maybe you should start a subreddit where we all compile our own Ulysses lists and give each other assignments.
I tagged you as "remember to ask him about his Ulysses Movie". You should start a mailing list, because I'd be interested in watching that movie as well.
I think you've got an ending for your script now! Yoinkie posts about the Ulysses Bucket List on a website and is reunited with Amanda. That's beautiful. Even if it doesn't work out that way in real life it would make a fantastic ending.
Link941 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cool, wish I could help with such a promising project. I'm also a film student who loves finding people with amazing experiences like yourself. I'm in Edmonton and my cousin seemed to have picked up something like your Ulysses Bucket list after some travelling, which I think is a coincidence. I wish you and the Venezuela guy the best of luck with it and your future endeavours!
_bount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. Wow. Jeez. You heard it here first guys.
Ch4zu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Guess I'll pick my own copy then. Fantastic story, one of the most inspirig and heartfelt I've read on Reddit. Now all I need to do is be able to talk to strangers...
This story really moved me.. It's so incredible, I'm literally speechless.. I can't find the words to describe the effect on me.
Look I know someone's already onto it but reading through your story I was thinking the same.. I would love to take this story to film. Im currently in my last year of school and part of my final is to create a short film, and I was wondering whether I could use it?
If you don't get back to me, all I want to say is, thank you. You have really changed me
Dude I hope it is, now more than ever I need a challenge or something new to try in my life. Give me something and I'll do my best to spread the good word
jsake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
if ya need cheap actors, holla.
mikbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:32:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I could play the part of a younger you, if you want. Younger than you were at the time (13, HS freshman, but people have thought me older) and not an actor by trade (I love to talk though... Ask any of my teachers :P)... But hey. You'll need someone, right?
There's a movie series out there based on strangers meeting on a train, you might enjoy it! Starts with the movie called Before Sunrise, then Before Sunset and lastly, Before Midnight. It's beautiful and candid, all around great ratings too!
They're some of my favourite movies, if you do watch them, can i suggest you leave some time between each movie; they was a 9 year gap between each movie, don't jump straight onto the next one, give it a few days, weeks to think about the story and imagine what happens, you'll enjoy it a lot more, i think.
Sounds like an episode of How I Met Your Mother (who the writers will make you love and then just throw away because they didn't audience test the episodes featuring her well enough).
If you are really and truly going to do this, then please allow me the honor of issuing you your first challenge. It is as follows:
The next time you stand in a line at a conenience store, and you see a stranger behind the counter, you are to observe them, and pay them a meaningful compliment. You goal has been achieved when you have done this to a total of seven people, at seven different stores.
Of course by issuing you such a challenge, per the rules, you must offer an equal or greater challenge to me. Be kind - I am a busy man.
C'mon - what do you say? Is my challenge accepted?
Challenge accepted. In return, I challenge you this: the next time you go to a restaurant, give the server a huge tip and write them a kind, heartfelt note. I work in a restaurant and this is the kind of thing that would make my day.
Edit: honestly, it's the note that matters more than the tip. It would mean a lot to receive a positive, heartfelt note while I'm working. So even if your service isn't great, say something kind and positive in your note. It'll brighten that person's day.
Ha! That's a good one, and it's neat that both challenges have to do with the service industry and making people feel good. Very well - I accept you challenge. I will PM you with how it goes once the challenge is completed.
Hey man, don't lose hope. Life is a constant struggle but there is beauty waiting for those who fight through it. Please stay strong, and message me whenever you want to talk! We can shoot the shit anytime! Promise you will come stop by every so often for a talk?
Mimos ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:43:27 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I promise. Thank you. Last night was the longest night of my life.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:05:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are too valuable to ever end your life! Please continue to live your life and find something to be passionate about. If you need someone to talk to, please PM me.
Mimos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:44:58 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah this is something he would write about. Angsty teen leaves home and goes on a trip where he meets a spunky girl that changes the way he sees things forever
This story has completely made me think of my life differently. I'm now going to take part of this challenge as well. Being an introvert with little to no friends, spending all my free time in my room, this should prove to be quite difficult. But I look forward to the challenge. This was a fantastic read. Thank you for bringing this specific story, on this specific night, at the moment when I might have needed it most.
That's amazing man! Can I have the honor of giving your first challenge? Go out someday and ask a complete stranger to tell you about their passion in life. Sit with them and listen until they have told you all they want to! You have the rest of your life to complete this challenge!
Part of me wishes Amanda would read your post and respond with an equally amazing story. While the other part of me thinks its best that you never see Amanda again because she's perfect in your memory, yet in reality she could be much different. Regardless, I thoroughly enjoyed your story. I'll be asking a stranger a challenge this coming week.
Amanda walked onto the stage of the quaint bistro in Italy. Now 28 years old, many people had enriched her life with their challenges. This was the only challenge that she had not yet completed, sing acapella in a room full of strangers. She scanned the crowd once, pushed her twinge of stage fright down deep, opened her mouth, and let the sound reverberate.
"Che fiero costume
Dโaligero nume,
Che a forza di pene si faccia adorar!
E pur nellโ ardore
Il dio traditore
Un vago sembiante mi feโ idolatrar."
The sound of enthusiastic applause filled the room as Amanda bowed and left the stage. Finally her legs began to shake as the adrenaline wore off. Filled with accomplishment, she smiled to herself as a faintly familiar voice spoke to her from behind.
"That was beautiful. Too bad you didn't finish the challenge. Not everyone in the room was a stranger."
Could it be? Her heart raced within her chest as she slowly turned, eyes falling on a distant memory. He was older than the boy of 15, but it was definitely him.
She had believed that it would never happen yet here he was. A man. Now was the time. It had to be the time. She would ask him the question that she should have asked ten years ago.
"Can I get about tree fiddy?"
It was about that time that Yoinkie noticed Amanda was 500 feet tall and from the paleolithic era.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:39:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's definitely a cool story. Maybe I'm just an asshole but I think if some random guy came up to me and asked me to challenge him I would tell him to go away.
Doesn't sound like it's just random people giving them. It's people that he had meaningful encounters or interactions with, which is why he wants to remember them in the first place.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fine! Challenge me, bruh!
zang227 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:51:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Make 100 Submissions by the end of the year. As it seems you have none.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I don't have too much to share but the main reason I don't poat often is by the time I check Reddit all of the threads are like 15 hours old.
zang227 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:04:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I never even realizd.
zang227 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's cool youve only been registered for 21 days, and you manged to get more total karma than me in the 10months ive been registered, so you got that going for you, which is nice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! I don't even know what karma does.
zang227 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutly nothing(well it exempts you from the captcha's but it only requires like 30 karma or something)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. One day I may achieve gold and see how the gilded live!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:05:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One day, my friend. One day.
roh8880 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would like you to go out to a public park and plant a small sapling tree, something that grows well in your area. Every year, on the anniversary that you planted it, go back to it if possible and sing aloud (and for the benefit of all those around you) Oh Danny Boy.
Right? I don't even care if it's true or not. It made me want to strive for something better. Holy crap. It's 3 am where I live right now and I want to pack a bag and drop my kayak and paddle as far as I can and see what happens.
Hey man, sorry but I have no way to prove it to you. It was just a day long time ago that happened to me. It's your choice if you want to believe it or not, whichever gives you more joy. But I tried putting in my own life philosophies so at least you got some good feels out of those. Thanks for reading either way!
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:53:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:57:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am doing that. I always meet people and never see them again,so thanks for the idea! You just challenged thousands of redditors to do this and thats awesome. Im leaving,so what you should do from me is hike up a huge mountain, just enjoy the views
Thank you for the challenge, I think I'll make it up to mt. Rainier in the next month! Just waiting for sun up here in Seattle. My challenge for you is to canoe to the middle of a lake with a friend and enjoy it for a while!
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:06:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cool! My first challenge! I will do that this summer! Thanks bro! That story was awesome! I wish you all the best!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to play! /u/Yoinkie2013 is probably getting inundated with challenges, so I'll challenge you and hope to hear back (and I typed the full /u for Yoinkie in case he wants to accept and respond also).
Challenge: Watch the film Reconstruction (2003, dir. Christoffer Boe) during a time of life when relationships are dominating your thoughts (ie: a newfound love interest, heartbreak or loss, longing or confusion, thoughts of infidelity, excitement to celebrate big wedding anniversary, etc.)
I've screenshotted this movie name bad will watch it when I get a chance! Should I give you a movie one too? Watch the French movie "intouchables". I watched it recently and never have of felt such happiness from a foreign movie. I laughed and I cried. Please let me know what you think of it, and I will tell you my thoughts in yours!
JCSwneu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I say the only semblance of proof you could provide would probably just be a picture of the Ulysses book. But nonetheless, the writing and story was fantastic and inspiring.
M002 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
so what happened after the train ride... did you return home?
Ranzok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:08:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just tell him you love him and respect him him. Then you only have 1 more to go!
Yoinkie, I believe I have stumbled across your blog before and read a few of the stories you posted. Id have to assume you are the same yoinkie from highdeas, where I use to enjoy reading the stories you wrote there before that site got saturated with ignorance. Anyways, if it is the same person, brilliant writing man, looking forward to read more.
teddim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't need a proof, but those who do might be satisfied with a picture of Ulysses and a note saying you're /u/Yoinkie2013 (so they know that at least you own that book).
Amazing story, by the way. Thanks.
Rakonas ยท 431 points ยท Posted at 04:53:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a terrible way to look at the internet. There are 7 billion people on this planet, probably more than a billion speak english. So long as a thing is possible, there's no reason to dismiss something as untrue just because it's unlikely. Any one person's life from start to finish is extremely unlikely to have happened in that exact fashion, but each certainly did.
It's not a terrible way. I looked at it with a critical eye as well. It's tough to put yourself up to a lens of perfection where you constantly step outside your comfort zone and strive for beauty, happiness and whatever ideal you can think of.
It's not just tough, it's futile, anxiety inducing and turbulent. For many.
It's a fantastic story because it is indeed fantastical. In no way did the writer convey all of his feelings, wants and needs at the time. He wrote to an audience that wants to be free to an extent, and that's why he's getting upvotes. We can talk about why this writing appeals to all of us, but there is no way that the writing should somehow be a creed.
We want to be free and to have someone tell us what to do. It's amazing to have that. But! I argue that it is better and more challenging to have that voice already present in ourselves. It's better for everyone to act how ourselves wants us to act.
Interesting story, too. I don't get what sounds so unbelievable about it. I mean, the guy didn't do anything miraculous.. he just talked to people and they gave him advice and challenges.
True or not, it's an amazing story that I choose to believe. I think just because there is no way of proving a story written by an anonymous person does not mean it is automatically fake. I've found this is rather common on reddit and wish it could change. Hell, that's my challenge to all the people out there who do this: assume the best in people. It can change your outlook on things for the better.
But does it have to be true? Setting aside the fact that if you came into this thread looking for 100% true stories you're delusional, it also really doesn't matter. It'll have the same impact on others whether it is true or not. That's what writing and storytelling is all about. You make what you want out of the story, and get what you want out of it. If you take his life advice, and 5 years down the road find out he was lying, you still had a lasting impact on many many others. And I find that really fucking cool.
Dozck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:17:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The question is, does it really matter if it is true or not? Does reading this story give you an inspiration to try something that you never would have done? Does it, even if ever so slightly, cause you to look at the world in a different way? To reframe you're perspective so that you notice all the fantastic and not fantastic things that exist in this world? If it does even an iota if that then the story has a worth.
IeMang ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:59:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
10/10, that was a great read! I may have to adopt your (or Amanda's) Ulysses bucket list concept. I'm sort of in a lost and directionless time in my life right now, but your story has given me a bit of inspiration to move in a new direction. Thank you very much for that!
Now, if it's alright, I'd like to ask you a favor (or a challenge). When you get around to skydiving, get to the drop zone the night before you're set to jump and hang around the bonfire. You'll find that the sport is about so much more than just jumping out of airplanes! You're bound to meet some great people, and I'm sure that if to spend just one night around them you'll be left with an impact upon your life. I may have never met you in person, but your philosophy fascinates me and like I said earlier, I would like to take your advice and begin to create my own Ulysses bucket list. I figure I may as well start now by giving you this challenge! However, I'd also like to give you the option to deny my challenge if you feel that it will taint the significance behind the original skydiving challenge of the women you met on the plane (seeing as you may then associate part of the experience with me, a random internet stranger, rather than the memory of the woman who left an impact upon your life). If you do choose to deny the challenge, then I'd strongly recommend that you still show up to the dropzone a day early or just stick around after your jump and mingle with the community.
Now do you think that you could start me off by giving me a challenge? We may have never met, but I'd like to keep the philosophy of your story strong within my mind as it's certainly left an impression within me already. I'm sure I'll remember it anyways, but I'd appreciate it if I was given a challenge to go along with the memory.
I've been searching for someone to go with for a very long time! If even one of my friends offered, I would go in a minute. And I love your idea! I'll be sure to message about how it went once I get around to finding someone to go with! Thank you.
My challenge to you: rent atvs(or bikes) and take them out to somewhere far outside the cities. Get you and your friends, and ride off the beaten path and ride(don't fogey your gps and phone for safety) until you find. Spot so beautiful, you can't go any farther. Set up camp and drink and relax under the stars with the people you love. You must be very very far from the next nearest human!
IAmMosh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:32:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you still live in Vancouver? If you do, how would you feel about going for coffee?
I'm down! I live in Seattle now, but still go to Vancouver once a month.
IAmMosh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:43:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful. Just sent your story to a buddy of mine (we're two 20 year old guys) and he loved it as well. If we find ourselves in Seattle (we often do) I'll PM you or something.
Fuckkk dude you gave me tears reading this, im seriously going to save this and remember this to have as my life standard. Your story sounded so beautiful words cant even describe the feels im getting. I'm touched by your story.
MEAAAAAT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:27:05 on September 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I might have missed the answer, but did you ever meet up with her? How was it? Do you have a link to an answer you gave about this or are willing to answer right now? Sorry I'm very curious..
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:14:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aeonica ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:43:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kind sir/ma'am, if all you've written about is true, I will sincerely ask for you to write an autobiography. I would read the living fuck out of it. You seem to have many tales to tell.
Haha, I'm one and the same. What's up highdeas brother! Sad how that site has gone completely downhill man.
Preum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately yes, however, your stuff keeps me checking back every now and again! The synchronicity series you had was fucking mind blowing. So good.
Fulller ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:49:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is awesome. Somebody quick, give me a challenge!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:21:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Create a personal time capsule to be opened by you in ten or twenty years. Put photographs, a letter to your future self, or anything that will show what you're like now.
You should try your hand at writing a book. And also when you really think about it Reddit is a massive collaboration of strangers sharing experiences ideas and news!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I get the feeling there will be a subreddit created around this concept soon.
This is insanely inspirational to me. You've opened my eyes to a world of possibilities I'd never have considered before. I would like nothing more than the honour of having you issue me my first challenge!
But of course! Go to a relgious temple. Doesn't matter if you are religious or not. Many church's are beautiful and should be respected and appreciated. Honor their customs whilst you are there!
This just... made me feel good. I truly needed something like this. I tend to be cynical and angry, but this gave me a warm feeling that I've missed.
I want you to know that while you have all of these great experiences from the strangers, all of them have been given a gift from you through this. It was a very kind read.
My challenge to you is to write a story. Your experiences with people will allow you to have good insight on humanity. You could even write about your own life.
People like you make me want to read your stories from start to finish.
I've been writing a novel for the past two years! I get stuck in long writers blocks on it, but someone once told me even the greatest authors take years to write stories. I can't force and have stopped putting a time crunch on it. I've also written a lot of other short stories. I can share some with you if you'd like!
You write? I need someone to write my story. No rush. Can take years if you want. It needs to be told. It's a good one. Looks like you have a lot going on with this thread. :) Take your time responding. And don't feel obligated. You never know til you ask, right?
Possibly the best thing I have ever read on Reddit (or anywhere else for that matter)!
You have inspired me and I will try to follow your advice. Would you do me the honour of setting me my first challenge?
Also, I really hope you are reunited with Amanda, it would be the perfect conclusion to a perfect story! EDIT BTW you are a great writer.
Ask a friend or family member what a goal is in there life that is accomplishable but they just can't seem to get it done. Use everything in your power to help them reach their goal! And thank you for the kind words!
Dang, this is only a day old. I was expecting some sort of 3 year old post here. Thank you for that inspiring story, I hope that you do finish every challenge that people give you, and I wish you the best of luck.
Once upon a time on Reddit, I started telling the story of my missing half-brother that I never met.
Right here is the original comment from the "Has anyone you've known simply disappeared?" post 9 months ago, and here is an addendum from the same thread.
At the time, lots of people posting wanting to know how it all turned out, but I never had a good place to post it. So...here we go!
So, Chris came out last September and stayed with the family for a week. The look on her face and the energy my mom had during that week were amazing. I guess it's too be expected when being reunited with her first-born son after not seeing him in 40 years, previously not knowing if she ever would see him again. We learned all about his family, his successful business, and what had happened in those 40 years. We especially wanted to learn about what his father had told him about his mom and what happened. They had moved around all over Europe and even Argentina before going to Australia. He said he knew his mom was out there somewhere, but didn't know how to find her. She isn't online and he obviously didn't know her remarried name to find any of us.
This past March, the entire AU family came to California. My mom got to meet her grandkids for the first time. I got to hang out with my niece and nephews and really bonded with all of them. They stayed for two weeks and really enjoyed America. We found out that fish tacos are a foreign and gross-sounding concept to Australians. Also, walking into a sporting goods store and seeing guns in the open for sale completely blew their mind. They just don't see that down there! As a surprise, I got a couple of my friends to meet up with us and we took everyone to a shooting range. I had never been shooting either, but the two boys were beyond excited to shoot a few different guns at the range with their dad and uncle. They had some great pictures taken while shooting and had some major bragging rights when they got home. On the last few days of their visit, my mom & dad stayed home but I took everyone else down to Disneyland for 3 days. It was such a blast to experience a place that I had practically grown up in as a kid, but to see it through the eyes of kids doing it all for their first time.
Anyway, a happy ending for everyone. We all Skype as frequently as we can on weekends. Chris is already planning another solo visit here in a few months. I think the next trip will have to be myself going Down Under and check out their world!
Thanks for all the kind words a few months ago Reddit. I had no idea there would be so much support out there.
sizo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:34:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unreal story! I hadn't seen the other threads at the time but I've just read through them and I'm so happy for you all that this turned out so great. Thanks for posting. Did you ever find out what Chris' father told him about his mum?
My married, obese, 80 year old grandmother tries to catfish men online for fake online gambling money (as in games where it is 100% virtual money, no actual cash input). She thinks no one knows. She has a profile picture of this skinny big-busted 20-something girl and she gets phone calls from a few guys sheโs trying to sucker in (but she sneaks off so her conversations are private and tries to say theyโre just friends and gets defensive about it).
However: Sheโs actually horrible with technology and at one point she got a new laptop and a family member was helping her to set it up. She had a messaging service in the background and one of her โfriendsโ messaged her. Well, apparently she hit something on accident and triggered the webcam. She didnโt realize what happened but the relative who was helping her did and quickly covered the webcam (because none of us want to get in the middle of her awkward and drama) but not before her โguy friendโ started sending messaging asking what the hell just showed up on his screen and what was going on.
We never found out exactly how it went, but we believe she lied/covered up the situation to say whatever he saw wasn't her.
[deleted] ยท 328 points ยท Posted at 05:33:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How can an 80-y.o. pass as someone in their twenties on the phone??
Huntred ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 07:22:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you heard Lindsay Lohan's voice recently?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:04:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Desperate horny guys can be very good at self deception.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:08:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, peoples' voices do sound different over the phone because of the way that phones work.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 08:13:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, but my grandmother, on the phone, does not sound 20. You might think "oh you know her so you recognize her" but I can (of course) also tell if a friend of her calls, which happens rarely but is easy to spot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It can be pretty hard to recognise a voice on the phone without context though, ie. stuff like caller ID or already knowing the speaker simply because of the frequency lost in transmission. I myself sound like a ten year old girl over the phone apparently. I'm not saying it's certain in this situation I'm just saying it's plausible that her voice would sound different to someone looking at it from a different context. That or the guys really were just that dumb.
Oh man... Do you think organized catfishing could become a legitimate (illegal) source of income? Like a room full of catfishers targeting people in other countries?
EDIT: Downvotes? Okay, let's all brush over the fact that a 80 year old voice is similar enough to a 20 year old to fool guys over the phone. Jesus, you guys are dumb fucks...
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 07:34:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I can only imagine what would happen if she got one of those malwares/ransomwares that reflects your webcam back at you.
Lachwen ยท 287 points ยท Posted at 06:44:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I got to help out the local PD with active shooter training.
After Columbine, many local PDs started training their officers to be quasi-SWAT when responding to an active shooter (since people weren't happy that the Colorado police just waited outside Columbine for SWAT to show up while the shooters continued to shoot kids). My brother was taking Criminal Justice classes at the time and his CJ fraternity was asked to assist with a round of training; they were going to be doing the training exercises in our high school and wanted volunteers to play victims/terrified students to make the simulations seem more real. Being the Annoying Little SisterTM I of course asked if I could tag along, and was told I could.
They ran the training exercises for about four hours a day for five days (this was during the summer) and it was a blast. At first they just had us play victims, lying on the ground and grabbing at the officer's ankles as they passed or running screaming from classrooms as they cleared the halls. A couple of my friends also tagged along the second day and made it even more fun. One thing I remember very clearly was my (female) friend lying on the floor, "dead," and when the four cops on that particular simulation came around the corner I ran towards them screaming "OH MY GOD, THEY SHOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" (I am also female.) The officer on point stopped, lowered his weapon, and said "What?"
On the final day, for some reason I was the only volunteer who showed up. They couldn't very easily have only one person playing victim, so the trainers told me I could play the part of the shooter for that day's exercises. SWEET! I got to spend the afternoon running through my old high school, shooting at cops with an airsoft AR-15 and not getting in trouble for it.
The very best part, though, was at the end of one particular training run. There were about two dozen cops going through the training each day, but only four went through the simulation at a time, so the rest just hung around at the staging area waiting their turn. As we came back to the staging area, one of the cops who was waiting asked me if they'd shot me. I said "Yeah, they shot me in the ass! Who shoots someone in the ass?!" The cop chuckled and drawled "Weellllllll, they do train us to aim for the largest part of a person." The other cops started laughing, and I just gave him my best unimpressed face and countered "Well then, I guess you'll never ever have to worry about anyone aiming between your legs, will you?"
The other cops lost their shit. Howling with laughter, lots of "OOOOOHHH!" and pointing at the cop who'd teased me (who only managed a weak "Hey!" in return). The one female cop who was there literally fell off her chair laughing. It was one of my proudest moments.
That sounds like a blast, definitely jealous you got to run around shooting cops with an airsoft gun.
Lachwen ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 09:54:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It really was. Especially since it was my old high school, so I knew the place well. I knew all the holes to hide in, all the rooms that were interconnected. I led them on a number of merry chases. It was the greatest day ever.
So if you shot one, did they have to exit the simulation?
P.S. rekt
Lachwen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:19:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No. The officers were instructed to not acknowledge successful hits against them. Apparently studies have shown that officers who don't "die" when shot in training actually have a better chance of surviving if shot in real life.
I grew up in a war region, a few miles from the front lines. After the war had ended and the area was recaptured, those of us who stayed were going through a rough time. There was hatred, cold and seething in people's eyes as I'd walk down the street. The prices of everything skyrocketed as a proper economy was reestablished.
I was in high school. Classes were separated according to the ethnicity of the students and teachers. Two parallel schools in one.
I'd always been an artistic person, an introvert who never belonged. When I transferred to this school, I kept to myself. My sister quickly formed a network of friendships, but I remained alone. In the afternoon shift, it would get dark when we were going home from school. An hour's bus ride, and then a half-hour walk. There wasn't much streetlight, aside from an occasional front light on a house. Stray dogs would corner you sometimes, barking madly.
The monthly bus pass cost a fortune. For families with more than one child, moreso. Some children were pulled out of school because their parents weren't able to afford it. It was another silent point of pressure. Go away. You are not wanted here.
At the start of the month, there would be a grace period of a couple days, giving time to renew the bus pass. That day, my sister and I were given money for a single ticket each, just in case the driver didn't respect the grace period. It was a large sum in one paper bill, which my sister put in her wallet. We asked the driver if our pass was still valid for the day. He gave a sullen, disinterested nod and we boarded the bus to school.
Night had fallen as I waited alone for the bus back. My sister had gone off with her friends to the larger bus station, where there were shops and light and company. I'd meet her on the bus when I got on, as usual.
The bus driver scoffed at my expired pass, as I looked frantically for her in the back of the bus. My sister wasn't there. She'd caught a ride with a friend's mom, as I later found out. The driver demanded that I pay the ticket, and my wallet was empty. He started shouting at me, berating me. The bus was unmoving, everyone inside staring at the scene in some sort of numb paralyzed state. This is not my problem, their eyes said. If it were my problem, I'd be fucked. This is not my problem.
There was a brief moment where I went through my options, in some hazy, distanced place in my head underneath all the shouting. There were no cellphones back then, they were still a luxury item for rich businessmen. The post office was closed, even if I had the money for a call. Even if I called, my father was away on business, there'd be no one to come for me. I could not walk home, it was too far. It was night in a mean little town where windows were shuttered fast after sundown. My only option would be to walk to a random door and knock, hoping for the best. It was the briefest moment as the realization converged on me, still standing on the bus steps being shouted at.
Something broke inside me. It was a memory that spanned through all the years of a troubled life's misery. Events forgotten and tucked away, that went in weird parallels with this one. Shouting at me. It felt as if I'd been building a large tower on the foundations of misery, brick by brick of pain with pain as mortar inbetween. It was some kind of defense, and it all crashed down on me in that instant.
It wasn't just that man, the bus driver who seemed to realize that he was being a jerk. His face was contorted in that expression of a good man who knew he had to act this way. It was everything that had happened to bring me there.
I broke down crying, but you have to understand, it wasn't just normal crying. It was a deluge, and I couldn't stop. I felt the eyes of everyone there bearing down on me with painful awareness, with acute embarrassment. And I couldn't stop, the tears were too much for my head, the sounds coming from my throat were horrifying. I kept trying to stop, but it was like trying to stop an avalanche, completely hopeless.
A young woman came from the back of the bus and paid for my ticket. It was our new teacher of literature, an eccentric with short-cropped blonde hair and a childishly colorful backpack. I probably sobbed through a thank-you as I took a seat, continuing to cry with the same intensity to the end of the ride.
On the walk home, I was still trying to calm down. I'd finally get it under control, then I'd start crying again. I didn't want to be asked questions by my family, I didn't want to have to talk about it. Somehow I managed to plaster on a reasonably calm exterior, before I rang the doorbell. It broke down anyway the moment my mother asked what's wrong. I was severely depressed for a month after. I'd stopped eating and lost a lot of weight. My stomach felt lighter that way, and somehow that alleviated the clump of pain that was there. I could only curl up in dark thoughts, and I don't remember most of those days. Eventually I dug through myself and found a way out, with a few charcoal paintings guiding the way. It was blinding light in forceful contrast with the deepest darkness. It was very good charcoal.
Several years later, I was living in a city many miles away. One morning I went to the store, and a newspaper article drew my attention. The name of my former literature teacher was there, saying she'd won a million on a TV show. What? I looked again, wondering if it was the same person, staring at the letters with the newspaper in my hands.
I watched the show in tears. It was her. All I could think was, if there ever was a person to deserve it, it would be her.
This is a very moving and well-written story. Do you write short stories? If not, you should. You write well.
I know how it feels, that burden of thoughts and emotions and how overwhelming it is when you can't take anymore. I know how bit by bit all those thoughts and events pile up in your head and take on a powerful, grotesque form. I'm glad you got out of that depression, its a tough thing to do because without a change in the circumstances, there isn't much to hold on to, no hope. I'm just really glad to know things turned out well. I'm hoping you're doing well now.
I keep retelling stories from my life because I feel like I need to. Maybe the next retelling will be better, less tell and more show. Eventually I hope I can gather them all together in some kind of meaningful way.
Hahaha, I love this comment! Sadly, the distance to high school was too far for biking, especially in winter conditions. We rode our bikes everywhere as kids. We went on "expeditions" and ended up who knows where, stealing fruit from an orchard because we were dying of thirst.
Our expeditions were kind of dangerous, in retrospect. Even though we were always trying to be careful, look where we step, not approach anything strange. Years later, I went back to visit, and they'd put up warning signs for mines. I scratched my head, because where the signs were? We went way past behind those signs all the time as kids.
I, uh, I wish I knew who gave me reddit gold so I could thank them! I've been floored by all the nice comments here, and I feel a bit overwhelmed and don't even know how to reply. I wish I could give every and each one of you a hug. It was a difficult thing for me to write, and yet it's something I need to write. I have to do something with this story I've lived through, I have to do it justice.
As someone who grew up in Eastern Europe, it's amazing how one can recognize it just by the feeling and general depression that, to this day, still lingers and permeates the countries.
Hope you're doing much better!
robdag2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:08 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a difficult question to answer. Sometimes I say that I've been blessed, or cursed with an interesting life. That didn't change even after I moved.
There are some weights you carry with you all your life. I just hope I can carry them with some grace.
Most of my life's disappointments are that I couldn't develop my art, and a lot of my troubles stem from trying to change that. I can say one thing though, I'll always be thankful for the Internet. Among other things, it's what helped me develop English language skills so that I will be able to tell my story.
These are the charcoal paintings that I drew as a healing thing, a way out of the depression (and a couple others, what I managed to grab and scan). The ones I mentioned in the story.
For Valentine's Day, I booked a dinner cruise on a river boat for my girlfriend. It was to be '30s-'40s-themed, the menu included steak and heaping bowls of pasta - just seemed to be the perfect date night.
Well, when we got on the boat, we're immediately seated next to a family of five, of whom the parents have clearly stopped trying - the kids are running in circles around their table and banging silverware; the parents are lazily spreading butter on the rolls, staring at nothing in particular. But surely the music will drown them out, and the food will make up for it.
Well, the food was actually a buffet - not specified in the ad. Okay, fine. I like buffets. Well, all of the tongs were sticky. The steak tasted and smelled like cheese, so I didn't take any more bites. My date gagged on a crab cake. Surely they can't go wrong with the dessert, right? Nope, cheesecake was frozen solid.
Heh, heh. Okay, okay. I'm in college and I paid over $100 for this. The music better be freaking good because I swear I am going to get some pussy after this.
Enter the DJ. No instruments, no introduction. Waddles out in his best overweight Jimmy Buffet impression, slaps his ass on a folding chair, and starts up his iPod. Lots of Billy Joel and Buffet. Jesus Christ, somebody bring me a handgun. I start staring out at the window wistfully. It's time to go outside; I need fresh air.
My date, by the way, is laughing so hard at this. She can't believe how bad it is. We go outside, and remember, it's February, and we're on a river. So we're freezing, but I just can't go back Margarita Hell. At least the view from the river will be something.
Wait. Everything's covered in bird shit. Literally. It's like Baghdad out here.
No matter. The view will be perfect. It has to be.
Where are the vistas? This - this is just factories. Silt factories. On hte other side of the river, it's too dark to see any of the natural beauty of the marsh, so all we can do is admire the lit-up belching smoke towers.
When the boat finally turns to head back to the dock, I get excited for the first time that night. I just want to get off the boat. So I head back downstairs and wait right by the door.
Hold on, says the DJ. We haven't announced the birthdays yet, says the DJ. My head swivels frantically as I notice several groups of underage drunks are in rare form. They have been given maracas. Dear God, in the name of all that is holy, THEY HAVE BEEN GIVEN MARACAS!!
The DJ starts reading off the list. There is waaay too many cheers for this to be a coincidence. Every one of the screaming teenagers has submitted their name to it being their birthday. And they cheer and maraca every name away.
FUCKING GOD KILL ME NOW. My date sees that my eyeballs are straining to leave my skull, and is leaning on the wall, trying desperately not to burst out laughing.
We finally make it back to port before I throw a chair through a window and swim towards the nearest open shark mouth.
tl;dr: Never go on the Savannah River Boat Cruise.
Setari ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:53:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I kind of was expecting a 'and this will be our 4th year of marriage' at the end there. What happened to the rest of the relationship if you don't mind me asking?
Well, let's see . . . this happened during my first or second year that we dated. We got married a few years after that. Unfortunately, the marriage only lasted four years. Kind of a downer ending, but eh. I'm happy now.
One day (the day before christmas about 5 years ago, I think) I called up my buddy to meet up with him at the mall for some very last minute shopping. I get there before he does and was playing some tetris on my phone when this old man in an electric wheelchair start rolling towards me. He had been rolling around asking people around the mall entrance for help, but couldn't figure out with what exactly just from overhearing and playing my game. I assumed he wanted some change the way he was asking and the way people were denying him. I was in a good mood and prepared to get out my wallet when he hit me with "hey buddy, could you help me out with something?". I paused and started to nod when he continued with "i usually don't ask around but its important...". I said "sure man, what's up?". He told me how he needed to take his medication right away and how he wasnt able to use his arms. At the end of that explanation, I wasn't really sure how to feel. It was so completely out of the blue. But I agreed without really knowing what giving him his medication would entail, because, again I was feeling good and it looked like this guy really needed someone to help him out. He tells me "yea....can you unzip my bag?" He had an old backpack hanging from the side of his chair. "Could you get the pill bottle from the inside?...its somewhere down there..." I proceeded to look through all the junk in there and finally found it. "And I need the water bottle too..". He seemed very embarrassed at this point and I tried everything to not make him like he was asking for too much. This was followed with "yea...i need two..could you put one between my lips?" Which i promptly and carefully did (the thought that this was some hidden camera show flashed through my mind for a second). "And could you help me wash it down?" I twisted off the cap and bottle-fed this man with a few onlookers I felt watching the whole ordeal since it was obvious I didn't know this man. Did the same routine with the second one. At the end of it I put everything back in his bag and he looked me in the eye gave me the most sincere "hey... thank you." With that he rolled away. I was so completely humbled that i didn't know what to say or think for a while. A piece of real life hit me hard. I always think of that experience when I'm reminded to not take anything for granted. And I'll always, always remember that "thank you".
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:52:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i was waiting for you to say the medication was a suppository...nice story.
wow can't believe no one would help a disabled guy shove a few pills down his throat... I thought it was going to be something like helping him use the bathroom or something. That wasn't bad at all, and I'm glad you were there to help!
v1k1rox ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:55 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would have been one of the assholes to say no because physically putting someone's medication in their mouth is as bad as shooting it up their arm, he could have made a lawsuit out of it. That's probably why people didn't do it.
Do you know a lot of handicap accessible drug dealers?
phome83 ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 04:05:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Many years ago i was eating breakfast before school, somewhere between 3rd-6th grade.
Just sitting there lazily, not fully awake, saw a fly sitting on the top of my bookbag. Pick up a pencil and threw it at the fly, split him right in half.
No one ever believes me, and i doubt anyone ever will. But it totally did happen.
Don't worry dude, I believe you! My boyfriend did something similar. He gets really annoyed by small moths and bugs inside, and one night he was particularly pissed off with this one poor moth. He picked up the closest thing he could find - a single piece of A4 paper - and threw it towards the moth.
Sliced the fucker right in half, from about 6 feet away.
Wow, this sounds like something that happened to my mom in her youth. She was driving cross country, just taking in the sights, when they came to a line of cars. They parked and walked to the front, where a redwood had fallen across the road. So she's eating yogurt, and she takes the spoon, and just lightly places it on a weakpoint in the tree, and the redwood fucking explodes in a shower of toothpicks. Unreal, man.
Back in Middle School, I had the reputation as one of the best artists in school (donโt look in my history, I have not improved) as standards at the school went. I was also a decently popular kid as well and lots of secrets were trusted with me.
So, naturally, my friend, weโll call him John, and I were talking one day, and it gets to the topic of girls, seeing how weโre guys. I take my turn, I had a girlfriend, thatโs about all I had to say, but he told me he had a crush.
After asking about this crush, repeatedly, he finally tells me who it is, nice girl named Mary. Usually, this is where the topic of conversation should stop, but he goes on for a half an hour how madly in love he is with Mary, how he constantly thinks about her, how he needs her to get through the day, and more dramatic things. It was clear John was stalkerishly obsessed with her.
A few days pass by, and I pay no mind with this information, but John comes up to me, asking for a drawing request. I couldnโt say no, I was too kind, so he asked me to draw a portrait of Mary. For what reason, I didnโt know, but before I could ask or object, he hands me a crumpled picture of Mary from his pocket and walks on to his next class. Why did he need a draw picture of her when he had a real picture of her?
Anyway, I get to work on it after school. Hours were put into this thing, and it really dragged on because I had to continuously hide it from my mother. The portrait became quite the masterpiece, for me at least. I showed it to John the next day, and in his words, โItโs so gorgeous!โ
Nervously, I handed it to him quickly and got away for him. I didnโt plan on taking requests from this guy in a long time.
So, content was his sketch, John starts showing it to people, and of course, tells every the artist was me, and eventually, a random kid takes the sketch and runs across the room with it.
Who does he bring it to? Of course, itโs Mary.
He didnโt have the intention of embarrassing John or even me, he just seemed like he thought it was worth sharing. Excitedly, he explains how skillfully I drew this picture of her. I watched John sink in the corner, luckily, nothing was said about him. I looked back at Mary, and her face had pure bewilderment in it. I think she was going to say something, but slowly just shook my head, as if that would successfully deny whatever the random kid had told her.
Now, I went into a session of panic, so I did whatever seemed logical at the time. I walked up to Mary and the random kid, snatched my sketch, and all I needed to do was to dispose of it, so no one could see it again.
Of course, it seemed rational to eat that drawing right in front of everyone. It took awhile, but soon, there was no drawing to look at.
I thought it was worth it.
A-Mackz ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 12:06:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was going one of two ways.
Either Mary has this newfound image of you and started to like you, making John jealous.
Or John took credit and they started dating.
Obviously, that only really works if you are aware that some (presumably northern) English dialects can pronounce that as if it were spelled 'ett'. Having to explain it though just makes things worse.
Well, sadly, this story eventually got all the way to Mary, and she was effectively weirded out, so no, John and Mary did not get together. I think theyโre still friends today though, but thatโs a boring ending. At least I wasnโt the creepy-draws-pictures-of-girls-then-eats-the-picture guy anymore.
No worries. Rereading my post, I realize it comes across as a bit harsher than I intended. We all miss sarcasm in text sometimes. This is why I think we need a universal sarcasm font (completely serious here). I nominate comic sans (only half joking).
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:59:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't want to be morbid, but it may be safe to assume it died. It's quite a fall, particularly if it fell down an uo escalator. I think that's what happened. My attention to detail isn't too great right now.
I'm assuming from context that a "pram" is something like a stroller and that the baby survived, or else people wouldn't have been congratulating this person for stopping the pram before it hurt anyone. Because, you know, the baby would have been beyond hurt, and also, that's what they would have been talking about.
Aemort ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 05:51:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What's a pram?
keetner ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:34:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A stroller, basically.
Aemort ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:36:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To help other readers, pram (UK) = stroller (US). After looking this up, the story made much more sense. Until then, my mind kept imagining giant prawns.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What is a pram? Also, good on you all for helping out.
duke78 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:04:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I get mad when I see people riding escalators with prams/strollers. There is ALWAYS a safer alternative, like using an elevator, or leaving the pram and carry the baby.
After reading your story, I will be even madder the next time I see it.
[deleted] ยท 3130 points ยท Posted at 01:00:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
fucked to the left, fucked to the right. she sucked my dick til the shit turned white. i thought to myself "sheeba sheeba," got my ass lookin' like a zebra
metans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I gotta say, if I was bargaining with my friend over who gets to go with the pro, I really doubt "you can have her but I wanna watch it going in" would be top of my list of demands.
/u/ninjaryda is a great friend. 10/10 would confide
[deleted] ยท 196 points ยท Posted at 03:33:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell."
Lelleck ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:13:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes a lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying
God damnit, now I can't stop thinking of Russell Crowe in his gladiator days dressed up as Daisy Duke..
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:14:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, faster than you can say "shallow grave", this pretty little thing comes up to me and starts kneading my balls like hard boiled eggs in a tube sock.
One, it's possible I'm being facetious for comedic effect, it happens, internet's a weird place and, two, if you're already rolling around the red light district getting ten dollar whores while your buddy watches, why're you gonna freak out over a little surprise penis? It's not like thats where shit got weird.
Methuga ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 01:43:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who are we laughing at? The unlucky guy who happened to pick the street hooker with the dong or the guy who asked permission to watch male-on-male oral, knowing at least one dong would be involved and visible at all times?
[deleted] ยท 191 points ยท Posted at 03:55:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SarahC ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 05:17:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I only watch guys fucking - what's more manly than that?
kjata ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:30:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Naturally, you have to limit yourself to porn of as many dudes at once as possible. You know, for maximum density of manhood(s).
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:32:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure about him but I definitely am
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:41:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And what's worse is that he wouldn't even let him fuck him :(
Colisu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If he was passable as a woman I would have said w/e and let him finish me at least. A bj is a bj and I love bj's. I would never have let my friend in the room that I was fucking a hooker in to begin with, though. Did the guy at least get paid?
Secres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On the way back home he says to me, " never speak of this ever!" So, I tell this story a lot.
So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man
So I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener
You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina
People know nothing other than what society teaches them... The social conditioning which causes people to genderize everything. It depends on your perspective whether you consider someone a certain gender.
No no no you're doing it wrong. You're supposed to start sucking her dick and have one hell of a shemale three-way that would really spice this story up.
he says to me, " never speak of this ever!" So, I tell this story a lot.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:00:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey I live in Austin! My dad always talks about Boystown as he is from Northern Mexico and jokes around with his American friends, who have been there as well. What is there? Are the donkey shows real?
Man, I am always late to these kind of threads. Oh well, here is the short version.
I was flying standby going from Honolulu to Atlanta just before Christmas (12-19 so flights were full). The lady sitting next to me at the gate apparently knew some of the flight attendants and they seemed worried she wouldn't make it on the flight (she was also flying standby) but she was convinced her and her ~12 year old daughter were going to make it.
Later, I got the second to last seat on the plane and while leaving to board, I hear that lady realize that there is only 1 seat left and her and her daughter would have to be split. She explained that she could not do that, so I offered her my seat so they could go together.
That's when the water works started. The lady began to cry saying thank you repeatedly. It turns out the little girls father is very sick and they needed to be there. I gave the woman and her daughter a hug before they boarded the plane and she told me to tell my parents that they raised a good son.
I missed so many flights. I spend over 27 hours waiting at 3 different airports along the west coast. 2 and a half days later I finally made it home to Atlanta.
I hear a knock at the door to find a neighbor who lives on the street right above me. It was this black girl named Rebecca and she asked me if she can borrow my phone to call her father because she stormed out of house for some reason and as she came back, the door was locked.
As she called him, I ran to the restroom and as I came out, I saw her tearing up, telling me her dad yelled at her and wouldn't come back to open the door. It was really breezy outside so I decided to let her in. We talked a couple minutes while watching some TV and she told me she liked me but I rejected her because I thought she was insanely unattractive.
After that, it got kinda awkward until her dad called my phone. He told her to come back home immediately so I felt like being nice and walked her back. As we walked towards her house, the cops were their about to arrest her. She apparently gave her sister bruises by beating her up because her sister took the last soda. The policemen asked me if I was dating her and I immediately said no. They told me to walk away and I never turned back.
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure he'll enjoy that.
amosko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, until you said his I was thinking about the movie Friday. Was confused because I didn't remember a character named Rebecca.
[deleted] ยท 714 points ยท Posted at 03:19:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was tripping on shrooms I had "Friday" stuck in my head. It changed my perception of time. I imagined time as one week playing on loop for all eternity. Just Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday over and over until the end of time. When you're sober and you hear Rebecca Black singing "Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards", it's just fucking stupid. But when you're tripping, it's fucking mind-blowing.
Well until the universe ends since there won't even be nothing. Since nothing is an absence of something and the absence of nothing is something but there won't even be nothing or something it will just be not. Including time.
Zaozin ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:46:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, it keeps looping even then. Forever.
cgbbcg ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:59:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
These moments are why I love reddit so much
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:58:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Zaozin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:01:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
alatus ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 05:40:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised at some of the responses you're getting. Come on guys, if the girl was white, it never would have been a descriptor. If he had written "a girl with long brown hair in a braid, wearing a plain white t-shirt and skinny jeans," you would be wondering why that was relevant, not "fantastic, this helps me accurately picture the story." Even if it isn't overtly or intentionally racist, this sort of thing is often used to subtly denote a person as an "other." She's not a girl, she's a black girl.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:00:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This guy gets it.
And yes, it's amazing how progressive people on reddit are subconsciously just like their parents or grandparents.
Oreo_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:49:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Of course is relevant. By stating that Rebecca is black we can safely assume her sister is also black. Now with that information we know that she must have hit her sister pretty hard if she left bruises on a black girlm
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:52:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, all black people are pitch black.
You're well rounded and should be in charge of things.
Oreo_ ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 04:57:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well that's a little racist of you. My point was that black people generally have darker skin than most. They're not necessarily pitch black. Though they can be i suppose.
I like how people like to mention characters' appearances to create a setting for a story.
Don't get so butthurt.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 05:10:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glad to see you consider them people.
ReeuQ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:55:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its relevant because it helps me accurately picture the story in my mind. It's not a bad thing to describe someone's physical characteristics.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:11:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So what other part of the story related to her being black?
ReeuQ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:13:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why does the description of her being black offend you?
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:39:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
saremei ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 12:57:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Complete and utter bullshit. It is as relevant as if he were to describe her as a redhead. It is something that people can instantly have an idea of the person he was talking about. Getting pissy over him calling her black is exactly like getting mad that he stated that the person was a girl. Patently ridiculous.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:54:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yah seriously, he already told us she was getting arrested.
I have a similar story. Last year, I'm laying in bed around 2 AM, and all of a sudden I hear pounding on the front door. It sounds like someone is trying to beat the fucking thing down so I go check out what the fuck is going on. Turns out this drunken sorority girl is downstairs, across the hall trying to get into her ex's apartment and raising hell. So I go sit out on the balcony as the building manager and my neighbor go down to try and calm the girl down.
Poor girl is drunk as fuck and doesn't have anyway to get home (which is in a town like 2 hours away), and I don't even think the ex was home anyway. So they get her to calm down, and my neighbor convinces her that she can sleep on the couch until the morning (which was noble but incredibly stupid on his part).
He starts to walk upstairs so he can prepare the couch for her, and she says she just has to take care of something downstairs first. She grabs a rock and breaks a fucking window. My neighbor has a quick change of heart when he hears the broken glass, and she promptly tries to run. I talk to the building manager who has finally called the police, and we both just shake our heads at what just happened.
So I can't sleep now, and I have a Big Mac attack. There was one way out of the apartment complex and this girl just fucking ghosted, was nowhere to be seen. So I'm thinking the crazy bitch got away. I come back from Mickey Dees about 20 minutes later and there are like 4 cops who caught the girl and apparently brought her back to the scene of the crime.
They're all standing around this girl who is just panicking, and crying, and she's begging on the phone with daddy to come pick her up so she won't go to jail. The cops look at me and are like "do you know who this is?" and I just "noped" the fuck upstairs.
My lease ended like 3 months later and they never fixed that broken window.
[deleted] ยท 133 points ยท Posted at 06:00:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was in the Air Force all the airmen would screw around and prank each other whenever we could.
Well, one time my friend Brent found a GIGANTIC snail. Seriously, this thing was almost the size of a racquetball. Anyway, he thought it would be hilarious to stuff it down the back of my shirt and then crush it... which he proceeded to do of course.
You might not realize this, but inside a snail's shell is a lot of watery slime - in addition to its guts of course. The result of it being smashed under my shirt was copious amounts slime running down my back and into my ass crack. As you can imagine the sensation wasn't pleasant. Everyone was howling with laughter.
Anyway, I made a promise to myself that I'd reap horrific vengeance on Brent, and that it would occur that very day. You see, I had knowledge of a rotting tree stump. And that this stump was home to approximately 20 million wood ants.
Quietly I pilfered Brent's BDU coat from his locker. And brought it out to the stump. A few hefty kicks to the stump brought about the host of pissed off ants. Soon the bark of the stump was hardly visible under the black mass of writhing insects.
Carefully I draped Brent's BDU coat over the chaos, and waited for the ants to fill evey nook and hem in the fabric. Meanwhile I scooped piles of the creatures into his pockets with a styrofoam coffee cup.
Noticing that it was nearly lunch time, and having procured the agents of my wrath, I placed Brent's crawling BDU coat back into his locker.
When lunch time came, Brent bolted to his locker and threw on his BDU coat in usual fashion. The line at the mess hall queued rapidly, and Brent was never one to be late for lunch. To my delight he was out the door and walking to his car before he had realized the vicious new inhabitants of his uniform.
The first couple caught him off guard. He grabbed at his wrist as a tiny pang shot up his arm. Then there was another, and another. "Ants! Oh my!" he must have thought as he brushed his sleeves in concern.
It was too late for poor Brent though. By the time he realized the extent of his infestation, he was flailing in terror. With madness he tore off his BDU coat sending its buttons across the lawn, and ran to the gate guards for help.
I used to work the phones for the college I went to as part of a student worker loan for the admissions office. I got a call from a girl who was on her way out to the school as she spoke to me. She sounded really excited, was asking me all kinds of questions about the school, I told her she is going to love it, and then we hung up. I found out two days later that her father had called the following day to cancel her arrangements with the school, her daughter had gotten into an accident and had died. I was most likely the last person to talk to her. I still think of her from time to time.
13 years old, a girl I knew was having a birthday party so we all went along. Turns out her parents are away, there's vodka at the party and beers in the fridge. Proceeded to get drunk and slide around in our socks on the laminate flooring.
Then some chavs shot a firework through the letterbox, panic breaks out and everyone starts to flee the scene. We are running through some village in the middle of the countryside with no idea what to do.
We make our way to the girls grandparents house, who are also not home and we start grabbing knives and other could be weapons from the kitchen. Her grandparents get home, we panic even more and throw all of their kitchenware in a bush in the front Garden.
By this point Birthday girl is in deep shit with her Grandparents and we have all run off to the train station to make our way home. Chavs arrive at the train station on the other side of the platform as a train is arriving and begin to make make their way over to us. We jump on the train before they reach us and it starts to leave, all of us in the windows of the train pulling the fingers and yelling obscenities.
Got home, bonus as parents didn't find out. Then someone started a rumor that I had sex with some girl in the front garden of the house that night, which didn't happen so that was fun.
Would just like to note that after you enter the Asian part of Russia there is mostly nothing, and even more nothing. All big population centers are around the Western border, and then some in the SW border near the stans.
Arkazia ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:59:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't really get the knives part. Do people call them something different in the states?
Wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked ova 300 chocolate globbernaughts frum tha corner shop. im trained in street fitin' & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil bellend w/ a fit mum & fakebling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper scrap. A roomble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. me crew be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o' newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a' kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yea stupid lil twat, innit? ima ****e fury & ull drown in it m8. ur ina proper mess knob.
I live in Britain and I was at a party last night. The only thing that happened was my pal got pushed through the girls shower doors. And about 30 empties got smashed over her back fence. Pretty shite of you ask me like.
NeoCoN7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:20 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For us a tool is a general insult, like 'jerk' or 'douchebag'. While anyone who counts as a chav would be a tool, not every tool would count as a chav.
Not quite, a chav is almost always wearing an old track suit, tram lines shaved into head and/or eyebrow, foul language, shitty studded earrings and a whole load of antisocial behaviour!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But they are almost always very lowly educated and have a violent nature to them. Also renowned for drinking
Council House Adult Vermin. More commonly known as the 'chav' are a sub species of the homo sapien genus.
They tend to group together and come from impoverished backgrounds, they will commonly form gangs from the 'council estates' they live on (generally poorer, more dangerous areas of towns). For example I live near east ham estate and they had the 'Eastham boys' and the 'eastham mans'.
Chavs start young. Born into an often violent world they will 'play up' at school starting from nursery where there reign of terror begins- they will hit out, swear, attack friends and strangers alike.
They are the perfect example of 'pack mentality', this often leads to mass stupidity, eg, one chav throws a chair, all chav friends throw chairs, all chavs get taken to the headteacher. This behaviour does not stop once outside the school, the chav mentality is strong in the UK. There is often some strong violence perpetrated by chavs, more notably the 'happy slap' whereby chavs video themselves slapping innocent members of the public, or in extreme cases lighting a homeless man on fire at a bus shelter.
They are easy to spot, often wearing hoods/hats or Burberry patterned clothing (although this seems to have died out a little). They will always be in group, a lone chav is no chav at all.
I don't know about anywhere else but in Scotland they generally get called Neds (non educated delinquents). It might just be the part of Scotland I'm from though.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Funnily enough, they seem to be going down in number now. Apart from the time an 8 year old tried to mug me, all I see are Lads now.
Urban Rednecks. They walk about with their tracksuit bottoms halfway down their arse, are usually white, and if you look at them too long, they swagger their way over to you and go 'you fuckin wot mate?' 'you wanna fight? 'imma shank you blad!'
So sort of a cross between rednecks and the black 'gangstas' you gt in detroit.
British guy at work says Chav stands for Council Housed and Violent.
Essentially poor people in government housing liable to shank you.
muyuu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:29:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's made up though. Seems to come from Romani. The word existed in the XIX century and it used to be chaval (also a Spanish word, coming from the gypsy Romani-speaking community). Meant just "boy" or "child".
The thing about chavs here in England (and neds in Scotland) is that they have certain acquired customs that are quite different to what you see in other youth low-class gangs worldwide. You can definitely tell them apart. Bunch of kids getting hammered on Strongbow at noon in a basketball court, dressing like complete bellends. Pregnant 15 year old chavettes getting fingered in a pink tracksuit. Stuff like that.
For the most part they are just british white trash, but what you have to realize is that Britain has very strong class stratification and biasing just describing what they are doesn't really cover the opinions that go along with it.
Chav, is a stereotype and pejorative epithet used in Britain. The stereotype was popularised in the first decade of the 21st century by the British mass media to refer to an antisocial youth subculture in the United Kingdom.
Ryugi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Refers to people who wear knock-offs. So, low-class people (kind of)? Like wannabe gangsters.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gangsters implies organization of some description. Although there is a hierarchy of some description, there is no organisation whatsoever due to a depleted count of brain cells.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Chavs, in a small village in the countryside? I call bullshit - chavs get scared if they leave the comforts of being at least within 10 minutes of a Sports Direct / Adidas store, a Chicken Cottage and somewhere that their lowered neon-coloured Citroen will blend in.
While in Seattle for Comic Con this year me and my two friends were walking to the Convention Center. A homeless man stopped us and asked if we had any spare change. I saw across the street and there just so happened to be a Subway across the street. I was feeling very kind that day and kind of just wanted to give a little. So I asked him if he would like to walk across the street with me and get a sandwich. He looked at me with an amazed look on his face like he didn't believe me. So I told him to come on and started crossing the street. He followed me and my friends into the Subway and I brought him up to the counter. I told him he could have whatever he wanted so he ordered a 6" sub and a medium drink. I could tell he was hungry so I told the cashier, "Make that a 12" sub and a large drink", So when he got his food I walked him over to a table. He couldn't seem to stop thanking me. I offered him a hug (I like hugging people.) and told him to enjoy his food. He started crying and thanking me again.
TL;DR: Sometimes just a meal to one person can be something worth crying tears of joy over to another.
Thank you haha. People don't seem to understand that not all homeless people are insane heroin addicts that are chasing their next high. Some of them are seriously just down on their luck and need a meal and a friend.
Would this be the subway on 5th and Seneca, nearest the convention center? Just curious. I work in downtown, and even though I don't attend the conventions, I love them because of the amount of people (women) that are dressed up (scantly clad).(!)
I'm pretty sure that was the one haha. Right across the street from the hotel we stayed in. I can't remember the name of the hotel.
Edit: It was Springhill Suits.
Mokoba ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 05:56:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Around 12 years ago I went to Beijing for a school trip. Through out the trip we'd got used to people taking our picture or asking to have their picture with us, light blonde hair and blue eyes made me stick out quite a bit from the crowd.
One day involved a trip to the Great Wall, the picture taking ramped up and I started to be invited into family photos, me in the middle surrounded by a Chinese family on their trip to the Great Wall. I must have been in a dozen family photos.
Fast forward 12 years and my mate from uni has moved out to Shanghai and is marrying a Chinese girl. I fly out and the day before the wedding there is a reception kinda thing for everyone to meet.
I'm chatting away but I see the brides grandmother then her parents looking over at me, talking then walking out the room. I ask the bride what is the matter, I don't want to have offended them so she goes to find out.
She comes back with the whole family with a picture of me standing in the middle of the family 12 years ago on the Great Wall.
Over a billion people, thousands of miles apart and my mate ends up marrying a girl I'd met years before.
-eDgAR- ยท 608 points ยท Posted at 02:08:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just remembered about this one recently, but I haven't had any reason to tell it.
One night, when I was 17 years old I was crashing on the couch of my friend's brother's apartment, which was on the 4th floor of 5 story building that his parent's owned. They had both gone to bed, but I often have trouble sleeping, so I was wide awake. I lay on the couch, with my back elevated by the arm rest and looked out the window as I listened to music on my headphones.
It was around 2 or 3am, so the street in front of their building was pretty much empty, even though during the day it's a busy street. You'd get an occasional car every once in a while and people waiting for/getting off of the bus, which ran 24/7. I closed my eyes for a few minutes to focus on the music and hoped that I would be able to fall asleep, but I couldn't.
When I opened them I looked out towards the street again and I saw two men. One was behind the other with his arm wrapping up around his body up to his neck. His other hand was doing something behind the other man that I couldn't see. They were kind of shuffling a bit and the one that was behind had his head rested on the shoulder of the other, facing his ear, as if he was whispering something. His other
At first I thought they were a couple, embracing as they waited for the bus, but then it hit me; that guy is getting robbed at knife point. Almost immediately after I figured it out, the mugger, pushed the other guy out into the street and started running and turned the corner out of my sight. The victim lost his balance and fell, but luckily there were no on coming cars. I watched as he picked himself up and paced back and forth, still very visibly shaken by what had happened. Another man appeared from around the corner and walked up to him.
I could tell that he was explaining what had happened and pointed to the direction where the mugger went. Afterwards, he pulled out a cellphone and starting running back in the direction of the mugger. The victim slowly following him.
I think the other guy walked passed the mugger and thought it was suspicious of him to be running and went to see what had happened. He was a pretty big guy and looked like he could have been gang affiliated, but I'll never know if he was or if they were even able to catch the guy. It was the first time I had ever seen anything like that happened and what made it surreal was seeing it happen like that, because no one knew I was watching, since I was 30 feet above them looking out a window.
They were kind of shuffling a bit and the one that was behind had his head rested on the shoulder of the other, facing his ear, as if he was whispering something. His other
Well what the fรปรงk was he supposed to do? Rush down 4 stories in hopes the he can catch the mugger in time?
-eDgAR- ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 05:04:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, that's just how I felt. There was nothing I could do. It happened so quickly, I wanted to call 911 but I could not give a clear description and they were all gone from the scene.
Totally, I mean yes you were a bystander, but you were a bystander with no useful information, and too far away to be able to help. I wouldn't expect you to do anything.
-eDgAR- ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:20:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's why looking back on it, it felt like a movie, because I had no power to do anything. And honestly, I was also a bit shaken because I had never seen anything like that. The closest thing was the story my parents told me about why they didn't have their wedding rings, because they got held up at knife point as well on a bus in Mexico a couple of years after they got married.
They never got replacements? My dad has two rings, because he thought he lost his once, so he bought a new one. Found his old one the next day. When I was little he told me it was for his "other family". I grew up with a very warped perception of monogamous relationships.
Call the cops. The mugger ran away and two men went chasing the mugger. If the cops were told to drive to the area they might have been able to find three men and stop something very bad from escalating.
dunno why you got down voted, criminals at night do it that way so they aren't seen by many, if any people, and chances are if they don't violently assault you immediately they don't ACTUALLY want to hurt you, they just want the sweet cashola. If the dude telling this story would have just opened the window and been like HEY MOTHERFUCKER the mugger would probably have just run off and dude might not have lost his wallet :/ OP kind of sucks for not even doing anything.
My dad used to play soccer just for fun in an adult league. One of his buddies on the team had a birth defect so he pretty much has crab claws instead of normal hands (Two giant fingers). He played goalie for the team. The only guy who can use his hands in soccer was the guy with fucked up hands.
This made me laugh so hard and I'm not sure why. Good work
ricadam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Something similar
We had a guy on our team who was completely deaf (I play field hockey). He was really good but it was hard to explain things to him on the field, off the field we had a little whiteboard for communication.
Also when he calls for the ball he just yells making any noise he can. which usually sounded like an injured cow, getting weird looks and laughs from the crowd. His skill quickly made up for it though.
mdpatelz ยท 1527 points ยท Posted at 04:03:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a girl about to trip an fall into oncoming traffic in Chicago while I was in a coffee shop. Some random dude on the street caught her before the unimaginable happened. They both came into the coffee shop and started talking as I left the shop. 2 years later I see them walking on the street holding hands with wedding rings on their fingers.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:03:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In another dimension, she fell head first into an oncoming bus and he was left gripping her lifeless body. He later became a hitman vowing revenge on the love of his life.
So I need to save someone to get married? That must be what I'm doing wrong! It can't be because I'm fat!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:32:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I prevented a toddler from running into oncoming traffic once. That was interesting. The kid was running and I just instinctively was like "whoa kid is running" and the parents were all thankful and bowing (because they were Asian). They were a cute family. :)
I agree that it may be considered a "debbie downer" for pointing out that it may not have occurred, but seriously. That story was just like it was out of a movie. Since when do you recognise somebodies face from 2 years ago after you've seen them for 30 seconds? And I've never noticed whether or not people in the streets have rings on. Obviously the chances of this happening is so low, why the hell wouldn't the first thought be whether or not this happened. Don't insult someone for even mentioning something may not have happened.
theorys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โบ๏ธ
wax147 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:32:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wat is dis?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now THAT'S a meet cute
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:35 on May 22, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When you said girl about to trip I was imagining a 10 year old! Made the ending a little weirder for me..
When i first came to the united states (almost 3 years ago) everybody told me that i was not going to make it. That i was too old to learn the language(20) and that i was destined to do manual labor like every other immigrant. Fast forward to present day, i'm very close to get my associates (yeah, not super fancy, but to me it means something)
My english is some-what decent, i have my own car and i' debt free. So fuck everybody that told me that i was not going to make it.
Yeah, i had to get it off my chest.
edit:wow reddit, thanks for all the good comments/pm's!
Good job. Only here 3 years, you're closer to a degree than I am, and your English is at least as good as many, many people who were born here. Keep it up, and good on you for not listening to those people.
trust me your english is probably a lot better than a lot of americans. takes some dedication and grit to do what you did. some people have lived here their whole lives can't speak english, don't have any friends or a car, and are riddled with debt--so congrats to you buddy. and in only 3 years that's pretty good... I'm sure you're going to go even further!!
Hell yeah man! And that degree is a hell of an accomplishment for anyone, but especially for someone immigrating to a new country and learning a whole new language.
Good for you man. Fuck the haters. I wish you good luck with your future.you can do whatever you set your mind to, if you Decide its what you want
ximan11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your English is great for the most part. Being debt free is an incredible accomplishment in America today, congratulations!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well as far as I can read your English is just fine.
skabb0 ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 11:50:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
So, lets go with the surgery-raid story.. (As opposed to the walked-into-a-raid story).
It was 2004 - I was 21, a web developer, and a very low-level pot dealer. I only sold to friends and only for about 5 months. $20 bags, never had more than 3-4oz in the house at once. Y'know, small time.
I'm sitting there working on a website, and my back was sore. It's often sore, so I didn't worry too much about it. It continued to get more and more sore for the rest of the day, and worse into the next day. My then-girlfriend starts requesting I make a trip to the doctor. I decline, saying I'd probably pulled a muscle and it would heal on its own (I have mild scoliosis, so back pain is nothing novel to me). I go to sleep the second night, and wake up with it even worse on the third day, and starting to radiate outward from my back, so I finally take her up on her suggestion and go see my GP. I get into his office, he comes in and makes small talk for a moment while he holds a stethoscope to my back. He goes dead silent in the middle of a sentence, looks at me (a bit paler than you ever want to see a doctor look), and says "You have to go to the ER. Like, now. In fact, I need you to sign this." He rummages through a drawer, and comes out with a form that states that I have been advised to head STRAIGHT to the nearest E.R, have declined an ambulance ride, and that he is not to be held responsible for the imminent death I will experience if I don't heed this instruction. He informs me that my left lung has collapsed completely, and that my right lung has 'reduced breath sounds', though the extent will have to be determined by x-ray.
I assure him I will go to the ER, and nowhere else, and do. I arrive, get whisked through the waiting room (always a sign that you're about to die), and into the imaging department. A scan confirms it: Left lung 100% collapsed, right lung subsequently 60% collapsed after having to pick up the slack for the absent left. For anyone here who isn't up on their tension pneumothorax diagnoses, when you experience a lung collapse without external trauma, the air has nowhere to escape to, and the pressure had forced my entire left lung down into the space of about a peach at the bottom of my pleural chamber. This is one of those situations where (absent major blood loss) a gunshot or knife wound is actually preferable - it gives the air somewhere to go. The buildup of pressure is what kills you with a tension pneumothorax - not suffocation (generally). Since the necessary external wound didn't exist, they had to create one. A thoracic surgeon walks in with a large, sharp metal spike - about 2 feet long, 2cm in diameter, and very sharp. With no time for a general anesthetic (the pressure buildup in your chest cavity can stop your heart at any time, so they don't know if I have five hours or five minutes), he gives me a shot of lidocaine under the left armpit, makes about an inch-long slice in the general area of the top of my ribcage, and says "Roll right, and hold on tight to the arm of of the bed." I do, as he inserts the pointy end into the newly-formed incision and leans his entire body weight on to the metal rod. Chest walls are some seriously stubborn membranes, and are not about to make way for any old half-assed attempt at puncture. I literally had to hold with all my remaining strength not to be pushed off the side of the bed by the force of the spike, before it finally broke through my chest wall, and slid all the way in to meet my sternum in the center with a palpable 'clink'. The puncture was accompanied by the unmistakable sound of pressurized air escaping (think the sound of opening the valve on an inflated tire). Since the lung was bunched up so tightly at the bottom of the chest cavity, he was in no danger of puncturing it with the spike - it slid in well above it, and then was withdrawn, leaving a rubber tube in its place to continue allowing air to escape. Before I have time to recover, the same procedure is repeated with the right side, though with very slightly less pressurized air sound.
I was immediately put on large doses of demerol and morphine, and the ends of the tubes that were not in my pleural cavity were inserted into tubs of water on either side of my bed. This little stroke of elegant medicine allows anyone watching to get a very clear indication if there is still air escaping from my lungs - if I take a breath and the water bubbles, the holes in my lungs haven't healed yet. Later that night, I joked to my mother that if someone handed me a joint and then were to hover over the bucket, I could feasibly become the worlds first living human bong.
Days go by, and the right lung-tub gradually stops bubbling, but the left does not, meaning the holes ('blebs' was the term they used to refer to the congenital weak spots on the lungs that eventually, inevitably gave way, causing the collapse) had not healed themselves. Surgery was required. I was put under, and as it was described to me, they made 3 holes in my left ribcage - one for the camera, one for forceps, and one for the required instruments - a medical stapler to close the ruptured blebs, and a piece of medical-grade sandpaper to injure the outside of my lung, followed by the inside of my chest cavity, followed by pressing the two together and allowing my body to heal that way, with scar tissue permanently holding the outside of my left lung to the inside of my chest cavity (this procedure is called a 'pleurodesis').
Many morphines later (and following the intensely unpleasant procedure of removing the chest tubes) I'm released. I'm driven home, given Betadine for the wounds under either arm (which still contain about 8 stitches on the right and 30 or so on the left), and left to recover, my girlfriend tending to my fragile state as much as possible.
Fast forward less than 48 hours. There's a loud, unmistakably police-like knock at the front door. I look out, see two uniformed officers, and hobble down the stairs to open the door.
"Are you skabbo?"
"Yes."
"Is that your white Civic outside?"
"Yes.."
"Oh, man, someone really trashed it. It looks like they smashed your window with a brick - you've gotta come take a look at it and make sure nothing is stolen so we can file a report."
"Shit, ok. Let me go get my keys, one sec." I turn to begin walking back upstairs, when I'm interrupted: "No, don't get your keys. Not necessary."
Obviously at this point, I knew something was up. The cop gives me a "c'mere" gesture. I take two steps outside my front door, and out of the corner of my right eye, I see a handful of police in full SWAT gear drop a metal battering ram. The one in front comes running full speed and tackles me to the ground, popping at least one stitch on my left side and causing excruciating pain (I had barely been able to twist my torso without serious pain for weeks). The remaining former battering-ram-wielding cops ran past us and into the apartment, where they proceeded to drag me, handcuffed, a moment later. I sat on my kitchen floor for at least two hours while they scoured every corner of my tiny 600 sq ft, 1 bdr apartment. Every possession I owned was dumped in a huge pile on my bed, while they occasionally came in to make remarks like "Boy, you picked the wrong fuckin' town to sell dope in."
I'll abbreviate what happened from here on. They'd apparently arrested a 'friend' of mine on a minor possession charge, and he or she gave me up in exchange for leniency. Not only did they give me up, but they'd come to my place in the weeks prior to my hospitalization and bought a $20 bag from me with a marked $20 bill, and since I hadn't been home to potentially spend it, the cops recovered that very bill during the search. I also had 10g of raw Xanax that I'd ordered from Canada, which I'd devised a method for measuring into 1mg capsules. They saw this process of measurement as 'manufacture', and I was charged thusly: "Manufacture with intent to distribute a controlled substance" - same charge as if I'd been running a meth lab. There also happened to be a school a few blocks away, which I'd never given a second though to, until it automatically doubled the severity of the charges.
This all took place in New Jersey, which is a mandatory minimum state. I ended up with five felony charges and two misdemeanors, for a sum total of 27 years in state prison if I'd plead guilty to all of the above. Very, very fortunately, the lawyer I retained happened to know the prosecutor for the case, and told him I was a "good kid" who'd made a really shitty decision. This, along with the lead cop in the raid talking to the prosecutor and telling him that I really did "seem like a good kid", had been cooperative, polite, etc, convinced the prosecutor to give me an ROR and a pre-trial intervention. Even my lawyer was blown away.
I was released sans-bail, and in exchange for pleading guilty to distributing pot, all the other charges were dropped, and I was given one year of probation, and 25 hours of community service (cleaning up a bar for disabled veterans). From April to November, I was certain I was going to be in prison until I was nearly 60.
tl;dr: in 2004 it looked like I was going to die, and didn't, immediately followed by 7 months of looking like I was going to spend most of my adult life in prison, then didn't.
I still see the same doctor even though I've moved a state away. I figure saving my life buys him a loyal patient. Also, though I don't participate in any level of drug sales any longer, you'd better believe I'd retain that same lawyer in a heartbeat if I happened to find myself in need of one.
That's a hell of a story mate. Thanks for taking the time to write it!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:50:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sad you got here late to the thread because that was a really decent story
wertexx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:05 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great story! i felt pain in my lungs reading this! and the second part of the story, wow!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am from the Netherlands but I did not know that you could get 27 years of prison for selling pot in the USA. Here you can buy it a the Coffee shops. (Btw no I don't smoke pot or use any other drugs)
skabb0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:50 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The majority of the time would have been for the manufacture charge (15 years, if I remember correctly). The remaining 12 were the combined charges having to do with the pot - possession within 1000 feet of a school, possession over 1 oz with intent to distribute, intent to distribute within 1000 feet of a school, etc.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest 1000 feet to a school is a shitty system. If you did not knew about a school you get extra charges for somthing you did not know about. A better law would be extra charges if they have prove that you sold to people under 18
skabb0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:10 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I very much agree, but reason rarely comes into play in regards to drug laws. The desire to appear 'tough on crime', in combination with the 'someone think of the children!' mentality leads to Drug Free School Zones which cover the majority of many major cities, multiplying sentences entirely unrelated to the schools themselves.
[deleted] ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 04:11:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ratava ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 13:41:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
After being inpatient in an under 18's eating disorder ward for 6 months, I was both one of the oldest and more recovered patients. We were still getting new patients once or twice a month when the old patients doing well were discharged, and I made it my business to cheer up my new "roommates. I build sofa forts, skateboarded in the corridors, let off streamers and generally caused mayhem and ruckus. In around December time, a new patient was admitted, very young and very confused as to why she was here. Mealtimes on the ward, normally an unpleasant but sober affair, consisted of her crying and crying fit to break your heart. Nothing seemed to make it easier for her, and the other patients began to complain of her "triggering" behaviour at the dinner table. That got me pretty mad, so I decided that I was gonna go to any lengths to be her friend and cheer her up.
I started by hanging out with her during the day and persuading the other patients to join us playing games and doing activities. As one of the longest-standing patients, I had a certain degree of respect among the other patients, and they started to warm to the new girl. But meals were still unbearable for her. Hours and hours would pass with her sitting crying and refusing to take a bite. Even the nurses were getting angry and frustrated with her. She missed therapy time and activities and just about everything, sitting there in tears.
One day I came back from weekend leave with a secret weapon. I had to smuggle it in in my pocket, because there was no way (with the very strict meal time regulations) I was going to be allowed to keep it if the nurses saw. Come dinner that night, I took my usual seat at the "eating unsupervised" table and waved across at my friend at the maximum support table. She offered a watery smile and raised her hand in greeting. Then I pulled out my prize- an old fashioned, curl-around-your-eyes pair of drinking straw-glasses, with an extra long and wiggly end. I popped it into my glass of calorie-condensed, weight gain sludge muck and started to slurp it up, sending the browny-grey foulness spiralling round my eyes and making exaggerated slurping sounds. Uproar ensued. The girls on my table broke down in fits of hysterical giggles, the supervising nurse on the second table broke down in howls of laughter, and on the maximum support table, my crying friend began to laugh. It was a lovely sound. Throughout the whole meal, I played the fool. I threw peanuts up and caught them in my mouth, I made my sandwich talk, made myself alien antennae with straws. Once I was done and she was still eating, I came over to her table and told her inappropriate jokes until the duty sister frog-marched me away. That night she ate her whole meal without having to be supplemented, and the next night, and the next.
TL;DR acted like an idiot to cheer up my friend and it worked
EDIT: oh my-gold! I'm honoured and humbled! I never expected so much kindness. Thank you!
EDIT AGAIN: double gold... I can't believe it. Thank you so, so much!
I've been in inpatient facilities a few times, and there was always that one person like you who always kept a smile on our faces. I hope you know you probably touched that girl more than you will ever realize.
I was having a cigarette break outside when 3 attractive teenage girls came up to me and asked me in a really flirty way if they could buy a couple of cigarettes off of me. (sticking their chests out, biting their lips) They looked not of age so I asked,
"how old are you guys?"
"how old do we look ;)"
"(looks them up and down)....25 to life"
The guy next to me bursted in laughter. It was the one of the wittiest things I have ever said. (I am not a wise man.) They looked weirded out because me and the other guy were laughing.
They asked again and I basically told them no because they were obviously not 18+. They just said whatever. I don't tell the story a lot because it basically sounds like a /r/thatHappened.
Setari ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:22:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, that sounds like something that could happen.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was basically making reference them being too young yet very flirtatious with me. Since they do not look old enough to smoke, they are not old enough to consent to sexual relations with an adult. In most states in the US, the penalty for statutory rape is "25 years to life" in jail.
Hence when they asked me how old they looked, I said that because they are obviously not old enough to smoke and they obviously shouldn't be flirting with a man my age, because that would get me in big trouble.
From 2009 until 2010 I worked in Prague as an account manager for a technology company. After a year of working this job which I really hated, I was burned out and needed to escape the rat race. I did some research and decided to go live in an intentional community (hippy commune) on the Spanish island Ibiza.
I finished my 1 year employment contract and flew to the island the same week.
Upon arrival at Ibiza airport I was picked up by the owner of the communityโs farm. Upon arrival, after a cursory tour, I was shown to my accommodation โ a small hand-built single-room cottage, one of a row of five on a pretty meadow.
After unpacking my stuff, I introduced myself to my neighbor. It turned out he was a Czech guy, also from Prague โ a big coincidence in itself โ so we hit it off and over next days became good friends. After nearly a week in the community I asked him about his life in Prague before the community. He told me he had been there for almost exactly a year. Before that he worked for a technology company in Prague. I probed him for more info, and to my (almost) disbelief it turns out that he had MY position in the same company immediately before me. He left after a burnout in 2008, creating the vacancy that I applied for and filled.
TL;DR I moved to the other side of Europe and my neighbor was my predecessor at my previous job
Initially it was great, I gained many insights on my own spirituality and my mental relationship with my physical self, in addition to some very practical and effective relaxation techniques.
Unfortunately I ididn't see completely eye-to-eye with the owner of the commune (it was his land) - and after an extended stay this became a real bone of contention which eventually contributed to my wanting to move on.
Ibiza has a large number of ntentional communities, each with their own philosophies and methods. I would recommend without hesitation that anyone wanting to discover more about alternative lifestyles consider spending some time on the island.
Thanks for the reply, definitely sounds like a great experience.
[deleted] ยท 776 points ยท Posted at 03:33:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Background information:
Everyone in the room except me (I'm Asian) is black, even the teacher.
My name is TJ. No one in the real world calls me peking-duckface so I will not put that in there.
I was in 7th grade and we were watching The Stepfather. My friend Ciara, who was sitting next to me, randomly said "I don't like watching movies with black people; they're too loud." Another guy said "So you don't like watching movies with yourself?"
Ciara: "I'm a black person, I'm not two black people."
7th grade also and our social studies teacher is going over the lesson with us and it's Q&A.
She starts realizing that the only kids bothering to answer are Hispanic or White despite the fact we're going over Black History.
She slams the book down and goes, "Everyone put your hands down. I'm talking to the black kids in here. Who invented the cotton gin?"
No hands.
She's like, "ARE YOU SERIOUS? THIS IS YOUR HISTORY."
No hands.
She goes, "First person to answer correctly gets a dollar."
My hand goes up and she points to me and I answer, "Eli Whitney" and she runs over and hands me a dollar and goes, "WHY DON'T YOU KIDS KNOW YOUR OWN HISTORY? SHE'S MEXICAN. WHY DOES SHE KNOW BUT YOU DON'T?"
I don't know the answer to this but I got me a dollar.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 05:50:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my gosh... that's beautiful. xDDDD
Honestly though I think I know more about Chinese history than anyone else I'm related to... and I barely know jackshit. I just know that Qin Shi Huangdi reincarnated into my mother, Han Gaozu is the shit, and the Zhou dynasty was the age of Confucius.
lmao. TO BE HONEST, I don't know anything about Mexican history except what coincides with Texas History.
But we never studied anything in school about Mexican history so v(o.o)v
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:58:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, well, I only have taken the classes World History and American History. So all I know about Chinese history is that which I remember from sixth grade. (I have a damn good memory... if you want me to tell you more stories from my middle school years I am more than happy to do so :D)
I also have very interesting cautionary boyfriend stories
Well this is a thread about stories you wanna tell so tell dem stories?
I also have a lot of stories about my middle school and high school years thanks to going to school in a public, very bad school in South Dallas.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:43:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You tell yours too. Yes. (And tell me what you think of mine.)
Sorry for lateness, but here we go...
โข So I had a huuuuge fucking crush on this guy in sixth grade. I called him Marshmallow with my friends, so we'll call him Marshmallow. Our school district has this thing called "Webmail", so one day just out of boredom I typed in his (real) first name into a Webmail email and I clicked send thinking it wouldn't send, but it did send. I was hoping he wouldn't acknowledge the email's existence but... he did. My Webmail signature at the time was "Your buddie, TJ." (Yeah, I know, I'm a total dork.) and some time later I got a reply to it that said "I'm not your friend." Naturally I was a little bit startled by this, so I deleted it. Some time later I got another email from him; I opened it and saw only this much of it: "Im not your Buddie L--" (I actually don't know what came after the L but I think it was lame loser or something, I didn't read the whole word because I deleted it before I could read the whole sentence.)
โขย An interesting twist to the Marshmallow story: In SEVENTH grade, I got significantly hotter having grown my hair out a little bit. One day I saw him hug my friend in the hallway and I got super jealous, but THEN he said "Hi, TJ." I was like, "H-How do you know my name?!" since I wasn't actually aware he knew I existed. He said, "I remember you from last year." And when I saw him in the hallways we would talk. Eventually he asked me to date him. I kind of liked him a little too much... perhaps a bit obsessed. Then one day he broke up with me, and I was bummed as fuck. The first day I took it well. The second day it actually sunk in that he didn't like me anymore (first day I sorta deceived myself because my other friend got broken up with but apparently the guy still liked her, so they were FWB or whatever), so I ended up crying during dance class and was depressed as fuck for a long time. I added him on Facebook and liked all of his statuses because I didn't know about the whole Notification Thing. (Being new to Facebook I had no clue that they existed, so when he unfriended me I was rather surprised... eventually I figured it out though and wanted to go punch myself for being a scrotum.) Another interesting followup: He refriended me sometime in either eighth or ninth grade, pretty sure I was even hotter having learned to pluck my eyebrows. (Disclaimer- I'm not a girl. I'm AFAB genderqueer and I used to be more feminine... but my gender expression changes cuz sometimes I feel more male and sometimes I feel more female.)
โข In seventh grade (before I dated Marshmallow as well as sometime after) I had a fangirl Bieber crush on this boy whom I called Roadkill (because his initials spelled out RK and I thought 'Roadkill' had a badass ring to it). I would stare at him constantly because I thought that was what you were supposed to do when you had a crush. One day, my friend told me he said he was trying to ignore me, and I ended up sobbing so much I had to leave school early. (My mom got mad at me for being so damn sensitive.) After eighth grade, however, I friended Roadkill on Facebook and we became online friends (read: our friendship only existed online; he didn't and does not think of me as his friend IRL), and would talk about the randomest shit. I also pretended to get drunk off of Sport Tea once (read: I drank a shitload of Sport Tea and convinced myself I was drunk, so I acted the part) and he said "That's weird... You sound like a ten year old now." I also posted like a million status updates (in the same day, one after another) about how much I loved Sport Tea.
โข When I was in sixth grade there was this one guy who would always talk about how much he loved my purse (let's call him Timmy). One day my mom told me she was going to give me a new purse, so I decided to give Timmy my old one. We had a sub that day in the class I had with Timmy, and at some point he said "You're a nice student! You belong here." (It was an honors math class.) I wrote Timmy a note saying I would give him the purse since I was getting a new one, and although originally I planned to give it to him after class I got called out of class early because my mom was picking me up for something. So I gave Timmy the note when I left, thinking nothing of it. When I got back, however, my actual teacher said the sub said "all the students were very good EXCEPT for one very IMMATURE STUDENT who passed a student a note saying she would give them a purse! School is not about going shopping for purses! Whoever did this does not deserve to be in an honors math class! This was embarrassing for me!" (This was my favorite teacher; I felt fucking horrible.) She said she didn't know who the student was because Sub Man didn't remember the name, but I had a feeling that when she found out she would be extremely disappointed and have my head. Some time later I had my mom tell her because I thought if I did, she'd be pissed at me and kick me out of her class. When my mom explained to her, she totally understood. I was like, "OH GOSH, PHEW!" and a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
โขย In sixth and seventh grade I had this friend whom I would always play "Would you rather" with. We always made the options really really hideously disgusting, to the point where we'd always be like "OKAY, ANOTHER OPTION PLEASE?" and it would be so weird having to choose xD. I had a reunion of sorts with her years later, and when we were playing it again she started to ask "Would you rather have balls full of spaghetti -- " and at that point before she could even finish I was laughing so hard I was crying more than I did for any boy, and my stomach hurt so badly. At some point I wasn't even making any noise. She was like "Did I just say balls filled with spaghetti?!" and began laughing too.
lmao, you remind me a lot of some folks i went to school with.
I went to bad neighborhood public school (the kind you see in old 90s movies).
I distinctly remember one of my 7th grade teachers would get into verbal spats with some of the students.
She wasn't a bad teacher - I felt - but I also think she didn't deal with problem students correctly either.
I remember one time, during class, one guy starts talking out and calling her a dumb white bitch and she got up in his face.
He started yelling, GET OUTTA MY FACE, I'LL PUNCH YOU BITCH
she hissed back, You better knock me out in one punch cause that's all you're gonna get.
Then she kicked him out of her classroom.
Sometimes teachers thought worse of us than what was true though.
In my HS freshman art class we had a boy who was mentally disabled.
He was a sweet kid and everyone was friendly with him and would chat with him and help him out and compliment his pieces.
One day though, they decided he'd be moved to another class instead of art and we all said goodbye to him and hope he liked his new class and he said thanks and left.
No one thought much about it till our young art teacher returned and then yelled at us for being so mean to him!
We were really confused and everyone was looking at each other like, what the heck is she talking about?
She kept at it and told us that we shouldn't treat mentally disabled people like that!
I still don't know what she thinks she saw that day??
The fights were legendary though. I remember sitting in the cafeteria eating lunch with some friends when shouts rose from across the room.
It was obvious there was a fight going on - unfortunately not at all uncommon.
The crowd parted as teachers started pulling students away but two girls were still going at it, tooth and nail.
Finally one girl grabs the back of the head of the other and starts slamming her face-down into the cafeteria table and blood is flying.
Everyone is screaming at that point and a couple of teachers finally manage to tear them apart and drag them away.
We're all astonished at what we'd just witnessed but then a few minutes later it's time to get to our classes and as we walk out the hallway, we can see on the floor is a trail of blood.
Some of our teachers gave us the creeps.
One guy, my Algebra teacher would talk about some weird subjects. He was convinced I was an excellent math student. I was awful, math was my toughest subject and I wasn't able to understand much of it until college.
I just remember this guy though, because he'd give me great grades, even signed me up for pre-ap algebra 2 and pre-cal (which i failed dismally and which sunk my ranking in school from 5th to 10th when I graduated) I suspect he assumed I was mathematically inclined like my elder brother but he was wrong wrong wrong.
I also distinctly remember him discussing pornography in class and why it wasn't bad for teenagers to watch it.
Was so confused about why he was talking about this in a math class.
When I was a freshman, my sister was a senior and we had a class together.
Despite the fact we had the same last name, no one figured out we were siblings because we'd sit across the room from each other with our own respective friends and didn't really acknowledge each other.
Not that we had a problem with each other, we just didn't bother to.
Finally one day our teacher is calling roll and says my name first as my first name initial comes before my sisters.
She then calls out my sister's name and it dawns on her that we have the same last name and she asks us if we were aware!
We looked at each other and then at her and laughed. I said, "Yeah, we're aware."
she continues, "We even share the same parents."
No one believed we were sisters even though, you know, we had the same last name and said we were sisters.
We looked pretty different, mind you - I was fat with frizzy black hair and she was lovely with straight brown hair.
If people did believe we were related, they usually thought we were only half-sisters or maybe even step.
Nope, full parents.
It's funnier now because I lost weight and we both cut our hair short around the same time and people thought we were twins.
!?!?!?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:11:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:15:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, pretty much!
I used to hang out in Seagoville so much growing up but now I haven't been out there in years.
Haha, no one in Dallas knows where Balch Springs and Seagoville are so it's funny to find someone on the internet who knows where I'm talking about.
Ho you know, he was the cool teacher everyone wanted:
He gave us a test on Easter day, the last question was "Draw a chick there." ; on a sunny summer day, he decided that we should do the class outside sitting in the grass...
He was very dedicated to our attainment, so when he noticed most of us had a bad feeling about our finals, he invited us to his home where we revised all afternoon ; he was very confident with his students, because doing that with minors could have sent him to court!
Wow! Yeah, I can't imagine any of my teachers being so open. I had some good ones but you could tell they were becoming jaded after being in our school system for so long. :/
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, I was just taking the piss. Seeing as you got a dollar from you teacher, it reminded me of a common gag from /r/thathappened, where the protagonists of rather unbelieveable stories get handed money for "brave" things they did or end up being Albert Einstein.
A few months ago, my 72-year-old comes home from a long day at work (we keep telling him to retire, but he's hardcore Mexican and loves working). He's expecting a hot meal from my grandma and some time to relax. Instead he's greeted by a bunch of his adult spawn and their spouses trying to console my hysterical grandma. As soon as she spots him, she goes apeshit on him. She is screaming all sorts of obscenities at him, calling him a whore and how she expected more from him after finding God (my grandpa use to be an alcoholic and cheat on my grandma a lot back in the day. He then found God, got sober, moved to the US, and has been a good husband ever since). My grandpa is confused, and asks for an explanation from someone. Finally, my uncle steps up and gives my grandpa an important looking document. Turns out it's an order stating that he owes back child support for a baby in Los Angeles. My grandparents live in Bakersfield, but grandpa travels a lot to Los Angeles to buy cheap shit to resell and visit my family.
My grandpa knows there's something wrong. He insists to my grandma that he hasn't cheated on her in decades and hasn't cheated on her since moving to the United States. Grandma won't have any of it though, and keeps shouting and now starts throwing shoes at him. As grandpa dodges, he finally puts two and two together. His oldest grandson is a miserably married man living in Vegas, and was named after him.
As soon as my grandma runs out of shoes, he runs inside and calls my cousin. He tells my cousin what happened and asks him why he's getting a child support order for some kid in LA. My cousin immediately confesses that he had been having an affair with a woman in LA, but left her when she got pregnant (what a champ, huh?). My grandpa passes the phone to my grandma and makes my cousin tell her what he did. Grandma quickly apologizes to grandpa, and then starts shouting at my cousin for making her look bad and hiding a great-grandchild from her (she hates his wife, so she doesn't care about the cheating).
No word yet if my cousin has started paying child support, but my grandparents have made plans to visit the poor, innocent child involved in this because they love all their bastard grandkids and great-grandkids just like the regular ones.
Thanks. My grandma might be batshit crazy (hence throwing shoes at my grandpa, outside, in front of the neighbors and their adult children), but my grandparents love all their grandkids and great-grandkids. They're actually really protective over be being gay. They might not like it, but they won't let anyone else in the family do or say anything against me because of it.
I've been accepted into the summer program at the Culinary Institute of America, which is the oldest and best culinary school in America. I have no clue how to bring it into conversation without seeming bitchy.
Great job! You should be proud about it! The 22nd of May i will be holding a "lecture" together with the Ministry of Health, I'm 22 years old and I'm so proud of myself (and nervous)! I have told people, but the reactions have been somewhat cold. So I don't feel like telling more people about it, except you, since you did something similar.
When people ask where you work, tell them you're at the CIA. It would serve the dual purpose of bringing it into the conversation organically and also ingratiating yourself with a new crowd (depending on the context, obviously).
Also, nice job!
RJ815 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just say you were accepted into the CIA and people should be impressed.
You wait until the person asks what you're doing in life. Tell them you've been accepted to the school. They'll ask if it's a good school/ more info whatever. Tell them it's the oldest culinary school in America and you're super excited to start there and you never thought they'd accept you. Boom you stay humble and get to brag.
I was about to go there myself before my diagnosis. Good to see another chef going for the dream! Congrats, good luck, and have fun for the both of us!
About a month ago, on my way home from a friends house, I see a SUV with two guys in it broken down. It is in a pretty dangerous spot right off the highway, so I stop and help. He asked if I had any jumper cables, but I didn't. I just cleaned my car that day and never put them back in. So I help the younger of the two push the SUV to the side of the road, and offer to give them a ride. They were both incredibly pleasant, and I felt good being able to help. While I'm giving them a ride, we start talking. Turns out the younger man is new to the area, and is the General Manager of a pretty nice hotel that's about to open up. I tell him that I'm the Night Auditor at another nearby hotel, so he gives me his card and says if I ever need anything to give him a call. I've been at the hotel I work at for 4 years now, and we have a pretty new management staff. Lately they have been screwing around with us, cutting our hours, all while hiring new people. It's been getting pretty frustrating, so Thursday of last week I decide to send him an email. He responds about 15 minutes later asking if I could send him my resume. So I send it to him, and he calls me.. (It's about 6:00 PM) He thanks me again, and asks if I could come in for an interview the next day. Interview went awesome, hotel is beautiful, and he offered me more money than I am currently making after 4 years. I find out my start date tomorrow.
Thanks! Everything kind of just happened. I told my Manager that I was going to be putting in my 2 weeks Monday, and he offered to match the other guys offer. But it's almost as if it were meant to be, so I'm gonna follow through with it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:57:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The most surreal experience I've ever had happened this Thursday!
During my grad retreat (supervised grad campout) there was a big talent show/open mic of sorts, in an outdoor fire pit/stage
For context, I'm a pretty shy dude. I keep to myself and not many people know a lot about me other than my artwork. What only a few people know is that I have hundreds of songs written and never performed.
As you can assume, I worked myself up enough to go infront of my class of 140 peers (small school) and rapped one of my songs utilizing a portable speaker. When I finished the last hook, I received the only standing ovation of the night. I had a huge grin and a raised self esteem for much of the trip.
What made it better was when one of my classmates decided to jump on stage while people were cheering. He was looking for attention and challenged me to a rap battle, which I accepted. I ripped him apart and kicked him off the stage.
Man, oh man, was that fun. Now I'm on the search for recording devices.
Setari ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:21:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let Reddit hear you. Maybe you'll get a few paid gigs if you're good enough.
that's awesome! I'm sure it felt great to get up there and kill it :) Where are you located? I'm in Ohio, but I can write a song for you (for free) if you want something to start with! Just let me know the kind of music you're looking for, and maybe a couple examples of the feel you're into, and I'll see what I can do :)
Vancouver, Canada. I like newer hip hop rhyme styles when I write, multiple rhymes in some bars. I do prefer emotionally charged lines, where i can express feeling. Also singing, I can sing... People said that was their favourite part
that's rad! I like writing music that gives space to relay that emotion, especially thru hip-hop. And you can sing!? even better!
message me like.. 3 examples of songs that inspire you and your style, tell me what you like about each one (the drums, verse/chorus/bridge whatever layout, etc.) and I will write something for you within the next couple days and send it over :)
Me, my brother in law and my best friend were working in Mississippi after Hurricane Isaac. We worked the 7am-7pm shift right after the hurricane hit and everything was pretty fucked up, cash only for food etc. so one night we stop at a bank on the way back to the hotel to grab some cash for lunch and shit for the rest of the week and as we're about to leave we hear a loud crunch. I being in the back of the car turn and see a car backing up from one car and then proceeds to hit the next 4-5 cars parked on the street, turn down an ally and crash into a parking structure. My buddy and Brother in Law are ex military and prone to reacting under pressure while I'm pretty much standing there with my dick in my hand and my B.I.L follows the car down the ally where it ended up crashing while my buddy flagged the cops down. Shit was crazy.
[deleted] ยท 188 points ยท Posted at 03:43:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its crazy how people react in situations.
The power went out where I live (due to a really bad storm), for a few days and people went insane. Robbing stores, causing accidents, etc. People seriously stole ice. Fucking ice. You know that shit will melt when you don't have a working freezer, right?
I made a half thawed out frozen pizza on the grill during that time. It was actually pretty good, for anyone who ever needs to eat when the power is out.
[deleted] ยท 148 points ยท Posted at 04:03:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They were stealing it to keep their perishable foods cold. I feel your pain though. We were in Houston before Hurricane Ike and as we walk inside for about a minute tops, two dudes snatch our gas and generator and take off running full speed. This is a 200lb generator so I have no idea how they ran so quickly. Anyways, Ike didn't turn out to be as bad as expected so it's all good.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:24:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That really sucks, about your generator.
I just remember people stealing ice from a gas station that was still open, somehow. It really sucked for the owner, knowing it was lost business either way. He actually gave me a bag for being nice to him and not trying to raid his shit.
I did't use it for perishables though. I used it to cool myself. It was hot, and I was pregnant.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:24:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was actually kind of disappointed with Ike. I slept through almost all of it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
steaming ice in an ice storm.... darn city dwellers. In my house when winter hits the fridge turns off and we have a garage full of food.
kaluce ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:45:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I made a half thawed out frozen pizza on the grill during that time. It was actually pretty good, for anyone who ever needs to eat when the power is out.
couple of tips I picked up when my power was out for 2 weeks with hurricane sandy 2 years ago.
if you know you're going to lose power, or have a distinct possiblity ahead of time, turn your icemaker in your freezer (if so equipped) on full blast and just start making ice cubes like you were going to have a party. it'll keep it colder longer.
once you lose power, eat the things in the refrigerator first. but be quick in there, if you got enough ice, move some in there to help keep things cooler. if you think you're gonna be down a week? move some frozen food into it to help keep the fridge cooler, plus then you have a source of food later on.
those clamp style campfire grilled cheese makers you can get at Target? those motherfuckers make amazing fucking burgers. put some onion, some cheese, and meat in that motherfucker. slam that shit on a bun. rub nipples while eating. you're fucking welcome.
Buy a kerosene heater if you live in colder areas. no really, do it when you can. those heaters if placed in the center of your house, can keep your shit warm enough so you don't die. if you put it where your pipes are, it'll keep them from freezing.
camping stoves are the best invention on the face of the fucking planet when your power is out. boil water, cook shit, that thing does it all. Having a 10,000 pack of ramen won't help if you can't heat water. Some can be toxic to use indoors. read the label prior to use.
If you don't have a generator, buy a battery backup unit. they're called uninterruptible power supplies. don't cheap out. keep the thing plugged in at all times, but don't plug anything into it. When the power dies, plug a small lamp, about 45 watts. It'll give you light. The UPS can also charge phones, and if the battery is kept topped up, you could have enough phone power to last you at least a few days.
buy a fucking generator. like, do it next week. and get that shit installed. You can get a "portable" one for about $1k USD that would be able to power most of your house. Or get a standby for $2k and just throw a switch and have it start up. Also, get that shit bolted down. people steal generators.
Stealing ice in a snowstorm....instead of opening the front door and filling a cooler with snow...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Toronto? I left for Cancun the day of that storm, doged a bullet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
No. This was about five years ago. I live near Cincinnati. It was a really bad wind storm. People went crazy. The power companies had sent a lot of their workers to help out with a hurricane (I think) in a different part of the US, so it took a while to get the power back on here.
Story time.
I was on a service trip in Browning, Montana with a group seeking to provide tutoring to children on the nearby reservation.
Picture beautiful landscapes with small, rundown houses clustered in the center of the town.
My group was staying with a community of Christian brothers. We slept in a guest bunkroom and they in the house. The first night, they invited us to dinner in their house. I had been on a train for the past two days, and I refused to use the dirty, cramped train bathrooms. Unfortunately, my intestines were rumbling with seismic force, and I knew a shit was imminent.
Seeing an opportunity, I decided to excuse myself from dinner and use the bathroom in the house. It was pleasant when I entered, but it would not be for long.
Shortly after relieving myself, I flushed. And then panic struck-- the dreaded gurgle of a clogged toilet became louder and louder. Thinking quickly, I lifted up the bobber in the tank, but now I had a dilemma. Should I tell the Christian brothers I had clogged their toilet, in front of the whole service group? No, that would be supremely embarrassing. So I used the toilet brush to scoop out the wads of toilet paper and excrement into the small trashcan nearby and covered it with a few layers of dry paper. I pretended like nothing bad happened, rejoining the group a few minutes later.
I can only picture their faces upon discovering the mess in the trashcan. I wonder if they saw or smelled it first. I never went back into the house again, avoiding the Brothers like the plague for the next couple days. Brothers Ray, Dale, and Michael-- I am truly sorry.
tl;dr left a basket full of shit in a house for Christian Brothers
juppee ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:33:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend who was drinking in some small restobar. After a few beers and quite possibly buzzed already, he felt the need to shit and proceeded to do so. Then just after he finishes he realizes the flush aint working and at that same moment someone started knocking on the door. This was a shared male/female small restroom by the way. Panicked that he was going to leave his shit there for the next person to see, he picked up his own shit with his bare hands and scooped it out the toilet into the trash can.
you gotta learn my life hack on this: if you ever clog a toilet at somebodies house, immediately go to the last person you saw use the bathroom, blame them really loud and explain how you spent the last (amount of time it took you to poop) trying to fix their mess. works every time.
Fitty_G ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:44:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
or s-
Tip. If water still passes trough. Take a bucket fill it with hot water and trow the water in the toilet. After a few time it should not be clogged anymore. (except one time when I had to take a shit and that motherfucker would not go away. 10 buckets of hot water. Half a bucket of boiling water and acid before I finally won the battle)
I had a crush on a girl I worked with, who at the time lived with her BF of 6 years. Her and I were at a work party one night, and the topic of tattoos came up. I have 7 tattoos, all hidden if I wear shorts and a t-shirt (most are on my ribs, back, etc). So this girl who I had a crush on wants to hear more about my tattoos. I proceed to explain all of them that I have, then tell her that as a bet in college, I got a tattoo on my dick.
She is intrigued, asks me what the tattoo is of. I play it off, like o it's nothing but now she is more intrigued and continues to press me. I told her that because I lost the bet, my roommates got to pick 10 words out of the dictionary and I had those 10 words tattooed on my dick (made this up on the spot, I do not have a dick tattoo to be clear). She looks a little horrified, so I quickly say "So maybe later tonight we can go upstairs and I can put some words in your mouth". She was now completely mortified, stammers that she has a boyfriend, and the conversation ends awkwardly. Two weeks later she broke up with him, and now four years later her and I are married. So I guess my attempt eventually worked.
TL;DR: Made a girl think I had a dick tattoo, wound up marrying her.
You must be either very attractive it the rest if that conversation was way smoother than that because there's no way in Hell that line actually works on a woman.
Aruals ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 05:58:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I too was far more horrified by that pick up line than the thought of him ever having a tattoo on his penis.
Rtwk ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 07:49:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually pretty scummy, hitting on a girl with a boyfriend in an inappropriate manner like that...also having a hard time believing that would end up getting you married
shamoni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Word. No follow up replies, and she was horrified by dick tattoo, he just came up with blowjob? Wouldn't you try to get her a bit comfortable instead?
My name is Dan, and this is the story of Gigantoshitecus. I took a HUGE stinking shit at the summer camp I had just started attending, and I was like 13 so I thought that I'd brag to all the guys about it. I named it Gigantoshitecus, and that name didn't even do justice to my fecal child. It was easily 13 inches long and was a little less thick than an Arizona Iced Tea can. To somebody who was 13, this was like a blessing from god. Imagine how cool my bunk mates would think I was when I showed them the shit to end all shits.
I was ecstatic.
I rolled on the ground to the stall next to me, while my pants weren't on and I had a dirty ass, I didn't want the TP to cover up my magnificent baby after all.
So I shimmy into the other stall and start wiping. I wasn't really focused on anything but wiping and then gathering my friends for a show and tell, so the thought of locking the stall I was currently in slipped my mind.
So i had no pants on, I was giggling because I was so excited, and I was wiping my ass in an unlocked stall. Not the best situation to be in. Luckily I finished my wipe and decided to slide back under stall walls to the original holy land.
I bear crawled about half way into the other stall when I heard the door that takes you into the bathroom open. I was dead still because I didn't want anyone to get suspicious and start snooping around. I watched with bated breath as the pair of size 11 boots made their way across the floor towards the stalls. I recognized those work boots, they belonged to a big dumb farm boy named Nash. Nash was really big, really dumb, and really didn't like me.
It felt like an eternity as he did his big dumb shuffle across the line of stalls. He finally was out of my vision and all I could do was pray. His footsteps stopped somewhere near the stall I was half out of, and I hear the creaking of a stall door. Nash had gone into the stall next to the one I was climbing out of.
Nash took a shit that I'm sure rivaled mine, seeing as half the food budget at camp was labeled "for Nash". I was starting to get really uncomfortable laying on the ground so I decided I could risk slowly crawling back into Gigantoshitecus' holding pen.
I started my methodical slither when the bathroom door opened again. "Hey Nash, you in here" asked a
camper named Tim. Tim was Nash's friend and him and I met before.
"Yeah" Nash replied "I'm in the handicap stall at the end" I was praying Tim wasn't going to take up the stall closest to Nash, because that was the one with my white ass sticking up in it.
Then Nash said something that made my heart drop like the shit I had just pinched out.
"I wouldn't take the stall next to me though, Dan is bare ass naked and on the floor in there."
Nash knew, he must have either opened my door and saw my booty, or looked underneath his stall and saw my gooch. I was dumbfounded and felt like a total idiot. I started wiggling my way back when Tim came over and opened the stall door.
I got most of my ass on the other side of the stall wall, but Tim saw enough. Tim immediately went out to tell everybody about how I was dragging my dick on the tiles with no pants on, and by the time I got
dressed, a dozen older campers were trying to come in and see what was up.
The head councilor Bryan also came in to investigate, and he was waiting outside my stall as I opened it. I didn't bother to flush down my loaf, because I still wanted to salvage as much of this as I could. That backfired almost immediately, because as soon as Bryan was finished looking at me, his eyes wandered to my tennis ball tube shit. The only word that gives his reaction any justice is flabbergasted. After getting his bearing, he told me to flush my shit, wash up, and meet him at the camp main office. That sounds
doable, right?
Wrong.
Gigantoshitecus lived up to his name, and as the father of all other shits, a mere camp toilet bowl wouldn't bring him down. I flushed and flushed and flushed but all the turd did was spin around like it was an Olympic ice skater. While this was happening Bryan was shooting dagger with his eyes, and the rest of the campers who could see were either laughing at me or in awe of my shit.
Eventually Bryan handed me a pair of medical gloves from the supply cabinet and simply said "Pick it up" I was hesitant, but I really didn't see any other option. The shit was pretty solid, and I cradled it like a child as Bryan led me to the supply shed. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Some of the guys thought it was hysterical, but almost everybody else, including the girl campers, were absolutely disgusted. Bryan got a shovel and dug a little hole about 10 yards deep into the woods next to the supply shed. He told be to bury it, and with motherly care, I placed Gigantoshitecus in his shallow grave.
"Wash up, I expect you to be at the office ASAP" Bryan told me. All activity at the camp has stopped at the point, and a solid 150 campers/councilors were just staring at me. I was ashamed, and made my way back to the bathroom with my shit covered gloves and the reddest face imaginable. I threw out the gloves, washed my hands, and choked back tears. I felt like an idiot. I walked with my head down to the main office, where Bryan chewed me out for a solid 15 minutes and told me how stupid I was for thinking it was a good idea to slug my way between stalls with no clothes on. Apparently Tim had told EVERYBODY he could find about my pantsless adventure, and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. My bunk mates thought that was the highlight of the camp year, but all the girls and older campers thought I was a
huge moron.
I went through the rest of that year having to deal with ridicule and disgusted looks at every turn. I'll never forget my asshole's pain, but i'll never forget the monster that blessed my life either. This was the highlight of my life so far, and I will always remember Gigantoshitecus fondly.
Hi there twin. My name is also Dan and I too have a story about my own Gigantoshitecus. It's no where as extreme as your story though.
I was in either 6th or 7th grade on a school trip when I birthed the most monstrous shit of my life. We were staying at an older hotel in the wilderness and the plumbing there could not handle the magnitude of my shit. Truly songs and tales fall utterly short of its enormity. I was sharing a room and a bathroom with 4 classmates and a teacher. The teacher must have heard me flushing the toilet hundreds of times in an attempt to flush my enormous shit away so he came in to 'help'.
It didn't matter. Everything we tried failed and my shit just stubbornly sat in the toilet bowl. In the end, he found a plastic bag for me and told me to just wear it over my hand and crush the shit myself. It is probably the weirdest and most disgusting thing I've had to do in my entire life. My roommates didn't really say anything about it but I know they were judging me so hard.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:25:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome story, thank you for sharing. I once took a giant shit, called it the babies arm, and showed it proudly to the woman who is now my wife. That you had to carry the turd from the toilet made me laugh out loud reading this. You are my hero.
Lunnes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:26:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RIP in peace Gigantoshitecus.. at least you got the chance to bury him
Meh. My brother and I were junior counselor at a snowboard camp in Nevada. My brother goes to the bathroom to take a shit and the bathroom is adjacent to the mess hall. My brother has constipation and dosent shit for weeks at a time. Well as we are all eating in the freezing room very quietly. We all hear this loud scream from the bathroom. My friend, a counselor, and I all run to the bathroom, and as I walk in the worst smell ever pierces my nose. I go to his stall and he opens it. With his pants pulled up and toilet paper in the trash can he points to the toilet and LO and behold the GOD of all shits lays in its nest. At least a foot long and shaped like a football, the widest diameter was about 2 1/2-3 inches. Turns out he ripped his asshole. Fucking idiot.
10/10 would read again. This was fucking beautiful.
AwolRJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Best story ever! I once shitted in a camper on side of the road when I was a kid. It was huge and there was no water, still get questioned to this day how someone can shit 1 turd so big lol.
Dude.. Get a heroin habit. Your shit sounds like a little bitch compared to some that have come out of my asshole
Bazrum ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:21:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was gigantoshitecus the name you gave it then or the name you gave it thinking back? Because most 13 yrlds I've encountered would never have come up with that. Hell most of em don't know what gigantopithecus was or what a portmanteau is.
Octaves ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:47:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your area's 13 year olds are probably behind.
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah they just don't give a shit. Most of them have rich, influential parents so they think school is a game or a joke.
i had just started my job out of school in 1997 and drove in from the suburbs. would sometimes get mcdonalds, and about 3 weeks into my job i got some mcdonalds and went to work. about halfway up my huge parking garage i got an uneasy / diarrhea feeling. by the time i parked on the 12th floor i couldn't hold it in anymore. tried walking to the elevator but went back to my car and lost it. got in my car and looked for something to poo in. tried spraying my poo into a small breakfast mcdonalds bag. ended up getting a lot on my shirt, pants, car seat. the breakfast bag is ridiculously narrow. anyway, changed my shirt (at the mcdonalds across the street) and sucked it up and went to work. awful day but got through it. hints of a poo smell everywhere but acceptable. about 2 weeks later was having dinner with my family and mentioned the story to them. everyone got a good laugh. story over, i thought.
soon after i get a call at work saying it is security and they want to talk to me asap. apparently they have "very disturbing' video of me defecating in the parking garage. i violated defecating policy 9er34something. tell me i am a 'sick individual' and that they want to talk to me and my boss to discuss legal issues. hung up the phone and almost killed myself. got a call back within 5-10 minutes with my dad and others laughing since they were just fucking with me. i still owe him one.
that's my story.
tl;dr don't shit in parking garages.
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god that would scare the fucking shit out of me. My friend has done this to me before, impersonating my work.
And... vice-versa. Thought it was my friend calling me but it was actually my work.
wertexx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
haha, this made me laugh out loud in office! NSFW! really made my Monday morning, have an upvote!
[deleted] ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 10:03:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Bags33 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 08:10:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's not my story, rather my Grandfather's. He is a literally dying to tell this story at the age of 90. He was a US Navy sailor on the USS Indianapolis during the end of the WWII, which wouldn't have happened if it weren't for him and his fellow crewmen.
At midnight on July 30th, 1945, theย unescorted heavyย cruiser was on a secret mission to deliver the atomic bomb to the Island of Tinian. After the "Little Boy" delivery the Indy had come upon the sights of Commander Hoshimoto's I-58 Japanese Submarine. Hoshimoto fired 6 torpedoes at the Indianapolis that withheld 1,196 US crewman aboard. My grandfather was one of these men at the age of 20.
A few minutes after Midnight on a hot summer night in the Philippine Sea the Indianapolis was struck by two of the six torpedoes shot by Hoshimoto. Captain McVay of the Indianapolis ordered to abandon ship as the front of the bow was taking in water fast, along with the heavy artillery room have been blown up from the second torpedo everything was chaos! 12 minutes passed and the ship was completely sunk. Of the 1,196 about 900 made it into the dark shark infested water.
I won't go too far into their stories while in the water for the sake of my time,fingers, and your free reading time at this hour, but for four days and five nights this large pack of 900 men, floating and treading water in the Philippine sea became 317 survivors of the countless shark attacks and the blaring sun on their oil soaked burnt skin from the night of the ship exploding from multiple torpedoes.
on August 2nd Lt. Chuck Gwinn, pilot of the PV-1 Ventura discovered a large oil slick while on a routine patrol flight. As Gwinn got closer he discovered a group of men floating helplessly in the water.
If it weren't for Gwinn to see these men I would not be here today along with many other redditors. My grandfather is still alive today to tell his experiences during those days in the water and is living humbly in Wisconsin now. If this gets enough interest perhaps I could have him do an AMA.
*Note- I am writing this very late and apologize for poor grammar.
wertexx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:23:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds very interesting! I really wish to hear the story how was it spending those 4days 5night in the open ocean. This got buried too deep in comments :(
I thought this was going to turn into a Quinn/ Jaws reference... out of curiosity has your grandfather heard Quinn's description of sharks and is it at all accurate?
Bags33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:18 on May 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For the most part yes his description was accurate, in fact I'd say based on my grandfather and his fellow survivors' stories the story shared in Jaws was just the tip of the ice-burg. There is so much more to their survival stories than just the shark attacks and Quint's stories in Jaws doesn't suffice what they truly went through. All of the hallucinations men battled due to drinking of salt water and the burns on their oil soaked skin/eyes was only worsened by the scorching sun being reflected everywhere by the water. Here is a video I put together on some of their stories. Enjoy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_O2bhCuOLU
I had a headlight out for a week and I was at a friend's house who lives 10/15 miles away and I drive home that night praying to any and all higher powers that I don't get pulled over for having a headlight out. I'm about a mile from home when a cop car that raced up behind me gets right next to me and hits the brakes and gets back behind me. The blue lights come on and I pull over. I can see the entrance to my neighborhood as I get my license and registration ready. The cop is right next to me and the conversation went like this:
Cop: "D'you know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "Was I speeding, officer?"
Cop: "No you were going just fine, but your front passenger headlight is out."
Me: "It is? Oh, thank you officer." hands the cop my license and registration
Cop: "Oh, thanks." goes back to his car and comes back "You know you're going to have to get that replaced..."
Me: "Oh, yes definitely. I'll get that done tomorrow!"
Cop: "What were you uh... doing this evening?"
Me: "I'm just heading home at the moment, I was at a barbecue at a friend's house in Ashburn."
Cop: "Yeah, yeah. Now, do you have anything illegal in this car?"
Me: "Oh, no just me."
Cop: "Heh, and are YOU illegal?"
Me: "Well a body this good must be."
I honestly thought he was going to wander into traffic he was laughing so hard. He came back to the car eventually.
Cop: "Hehehee! That's the first time I've ever heard that one, now get out of here and get that fixed!"
I've never felt so alive.
Zoraver ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:04:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Chips, I'm pretty late to the party here, but this is a story that must be told.
Earlier this year, I backpacked through South East Asia, specifically Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand and Myanmar. WELL. About my second or third week in, I found myself in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Now what you may or may not know about Cambodia, is that they have this special little delicacy known to the locals and all else as "Happy Pizza." Yep. You guessed it. This pizza is absolutely loaded with copious bits of, as the Cambodians call it, "Ganjaaaaa." My tuk tuk driver arrives at my hotel at around noon and I decide that I'm a wee bit peckish. He takes me to some little dingy restaurant and I nab a paper menu, hoping against all hope that it will have Happy Pizza on it. Oh boy. It does.
The sweet waitress comes on over and asks what I would like. A grand smile stretches across my face as I point to the Happy Pizza and ask specifically for extra happy. As much Happy as you can shove in a pizza, and lemme tell ya, you can fit a whole hell of a lotta happy in a pizza in Cambodia. Its ridonk. Fast forwards a bit, I have finished the happiest of pizzas and thinking its a scam. I dont feel a thing. I'm about to call shenanigans on this whole Cambodia place when I feel a little... off. Its a familiar sensation. The best of sensations.
It is at this time that my tuk tuk driver asks me what Id like to do/see today. "Hey! my frien, my frien! You wan shoot gun? Yes? or you want lady make boom boom? Gun? Boom boom?" All I can say is "yeeee." Now, not really keen on going spelunking into the depths of a Cambodian prostitute, I quickly splutter "GUN! I want shoot gun." My driver, kind of a creepish individual, just gives me a smile that Im pretty sure should have broken his face. It was one of those kinda highs.
So we head on out of the city and around where the Killing Fields are. We stop in what looks like a little army outpost thingy. Its killer. Its crazy. Surreal. I don't entirely know whats happening. Im just smiling like an idiot and looking around at everything, wide eyed and with a sense of wonder. Its awesome. I think I'm rolling at around an [8] here. So the guys in ragged uniforms come out holding a menu of sorts. There are all types of guns and prices on there. I can barely read this as its all letters and numbers that I have no idea about. Except for the last one on the page. "Bazooka." Aw man aw man aw man this is whats happening right here.
I point at the little word scrawled upon the page and the man tells me the price. I slap down the money on the table, feeling like an Italian gangster. Why did I feel like an Italian Gangster? I got no clue. It seemed appropriate. It is at that point that the man running the stand says to me, he says: "Hey! Extra 50 dolla you boom cow." I'm a little confused, but very high, so I agree. If only I had known what I was getting into.
The man brings out this ridiculous bazooka from a supply closet filled with innumerable killing tools, and we hop on a little motorized cart that takes us out a ways into a field. There are cows in this field. And I have a bazooka. The pieces are fitting together at this point. "Oh God what am I doing what am I DOING." I think to myself. But then I quickly forget about what Im thinking and realize that I'm awesome, which is a pretty rare realization in my line of living. Finally, we reach a little spot in the open and they tell me that I get two shots. There is a sickly looking cow just chilling down a ways a way. I load the bazooka up onto my shoulder, and promptly fall over. Everyone is laughing at me. Aw jeez its like high school all over again. Me falling, everyone laughing. I try to act cool about it all, but probably only succeeded in looking mentally ill. The guys help me stand back up and squeeze the trigger, aiming at pretty much nothing. HOLY FUCK. I fall over again. Something goes boom. Im like awshitawshitawshit they're gonna straight up murder me I blew up Cambodia.
Now, of course I didn't actually blow up Cambodia. Just a bit of field quite a ways a way from me. The cow looks up at the boom, and then promptly goes back to grazing. Poor guy. He never even suspected his fate... dumbass.
Now the guys load up the second shot for me. Aw gosh. Whats gonna happen. They lift it up to my shoulder. Oh golly aw jeez. Help me aim at the cow. HEAVY BREATHING okay okay okay this is fiiiiiiine I'll probably just miss. I close my eyes and squeeze the trigger. Immediately I open my eyes and watch the shot soaring directly towards this cow and then... no more cow. Well, there is still some cow. Its just all over the place. Its nasty. I start to laugh hysterically and then throw up a little bit. The guys all around me are laughing at me again. I get back onto the motorized buggy thing and return the metal death tube to where it belongs, in the hands of people willing to rent it out to high travelers. Awesome.
So I get back on the road with my tuk tuk driver and I tell him that I'm hungry again, seeing as I have now blown up a cow and its been a few hours since I had my mind altering pizza of mystery. He stops at a little cafe looking restaurant on the outskirts of town. There is farm land all around. Now, for reasons unknown, I decided to see if this place also sold happy pizza. I still feel terrible and am having a crazy existential crisis about motherfucking blowing up a cow, so I need something to drown out all the recent memories. And whaddaya know. This little cafe also has the Happy Pizza. Again I ask for extra happy. If only my Father had been there to tell me "Ya make poor choices, son" and make me feel bad about everything I've ever done in my life.
I consume my Happy Pizza and feel lit almost immediately. Just then... As I gaze off into some field, I see a lone yak. This guy... Well... I dunno. Something about him got to me. I walk over to him, as if in a trance. He looks up from the whatever hes munching on. He sees me approach, but does not move. i look into his eyes. He knows what Ive done. Hes seen my soul. And he forgave me. Right then and there. A single yak tear must have rolled down his yak face. That was it. I was crying. I wrapped my arms around that filthy yak and felt at one with nature. It was glorious. I was renewed.
Actually I was a high kid hugging a dirty yak, but its all the same.
TL;DR: I got real high in Cambodia from Happy Pizza, blew up a cow with a bazooka, got real sad about it, ate more Happy Pizza, and hugged a yak who knew me on a very personal level. I have been touched by the soul yak, ladies and gentlemen.
I made a friend today! I just moved across the US a couple weeks ago so I know NO ONE in the area I'm currently residing in, and I have a bad social phobia problem which kinda hinders me in the friend department. I'm 24 and have had the same few friends for over a decade now, and leaving them behind was a real struggle for me. I don't make friends easily. Interracting can be quite hard, and trying to break the line from stranger to friend is even more difficult. Today, I nerded out over anime with a sweet server who ended up inviting me out to watch anime with her circle of friends. _^ I haven't made a new friend in a long time and today I did!! I feel stupid talking about it with my other friends, though. Saying "I made a friend" sounds rather pathetic after the 4th grade.
Nah it's awesome. I wish I could make some friends. I have those weird friendships where I'm cool with people at work, but I'd never hang out with them outside. Plus no mtg/video game/warhammer/anime enthusiasts at work. Or even one of those things.
A friend if mine back in 7th grade starting getting really pissed at our English teacher, who was nice to the smartest kids but a bitch to those who weren't as academically talented.
Anyways, one day aforementioned teacher decides to yell at aforementioned friend and call him stupid for not understanding the lesson. She then precedes to leave the classroom to retrieve some papers from the copy room. What happened next I will never forget...
My friend decides to walk up to her desk where she always has her morning tea (my class was first period), then, in front of the entire class, take out his balls and submerge his entire scrotum into her tea cup. He kept them there for a good 10 seconds before putting his genitals away and nonchalantly walking back to his desk. Everyone was so astonished that no one said or did anything...everyone just sat there for the remainder of the class. When I say no one said anything, I mean NOBODY said a single word when my teacher walked back in the room...not even when she reached for her tea. We watched her obliviously drink all of it before the bell rang.
I later found out that an anonymous student stayed after class and told her what had happened. She was so mortified that she ran out of the school crying hysterically and never came back. Word got to the principal and my friend was suspended for 3 months. He couldn't have given fewer fucks. Every time I bring up the topic he just laughs and tells me he regrets nothing. Fucking love that kid.
TL;DR Friend literally teabagged teacher's tea.
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:24:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 07:08:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! Alright, so a few years back my cat died and we had decided to bury it in the backyard. We had it wrapped up and put into a cardboard amazon box and my mom put it on the porch for a second while we finished digging the hole/prepping the ceremony. So a few minutes pass by, and guess what? The box was gone. Apparently some dude walked up to our porch and stole the box, expecting to make off with whatever expensive electronic amazon sent us. But instead of an ipad, he got the decaying carcass of our cat.
It was September 11, 2001. I was in 5th grade at that time, all I remember I was getting ready for school at 6 in the morning. My mom also would get ready first so she could catch her train. However that morning I decided to take a shower first.
So my mom is a neat freak, and I had happened to soak up the bathroom and the mats with water after my shower. So instead of showering and going to work, my mom decided to chase me around the house and yell at me for being so messy. After the fact she got ready for work and went in missing her normal train and had to take the train that comes in 30 minutes later.
So instead of being in the WTC2 on the 101st floor at 8:50. She got to the tower at 9:32, and literally as she walked in the plane crashed. The worst part, she didn't run for her life... SHE RAN TO DUANE READE BOUGHT A CAMERA AND THEN took like 50 photos and then ran for her life....
So I like to joke around that I saved her life by being messy haha. (I guess that's kinda a dark joke to tell but, she laughs at it.)
Ratava ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:37:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have those pictures ever been put online? I'm sure people would be very interested in a new angle.
No she never posted them, but she still has them in a photo album. The next time I head home, I can totally take a photo of them and upload!!
Ratava ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please do! I think there would be immense interest. Cameras weren't as widespread (i.e. they weren't digital, or built into phones that everyone carried) so any new photos of such an extraordinary event deserve to be shared.
My mom grew up in New Jersey in the 60's and 70's, and would tell my siblings and I a recurring story of the Asbury Park Carousel she would go on as a kid. This particular carousel was a Looff Carousel, handmade by Charles Looff--it allowed you to grab metal "rings" with each rotation, and you could try to make them into holes on the walls surrounding the carousel.
One particular part of the story that my mom would emphasize was the brass ring. In every ride, players had the opportunity to get the brass ring, a ring that my 7 year old mother had lusted after. The carousel-goer that pulled the brass ring won a prize, and bragging rights for getting the brass ring. Throughout my childhood and into adulthood, my mom would tell this story about the Asbury Park Carousel and how she had always wanted to get the brass ring as a child.
Fast forward to today, I'm a college student at UC Santa Cruz in California. The Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk also has a Looff Carousel, with the same ring game, and it is still in operation. I had ridden this carousel multiple times throughout my college days, however there was no longer a "brass ring" to be won.
One particular summer, the Santa Cruz Boardwalk was celebrating its 100th year anniversary. As a special celebration, from the summer season of May through September, the Looff Carousel at the Boardwalk would be rotating 100 brass rings--just like when it initially opened in 1911.
On a summer afternoon a friend and I decided to go to the Boardwalk. We stood in line for the carousel, and to pass the time I told her the brass ring story that my mom had told me. We got on the next ride and began grabbing rings to throw into the holes. Towards the end of the ride, I grab a ring and notice that it's shinier and a different color than the other rings. To my complete astonishment, I got the fucking brass ring.
After the ride, the operator of the carousel congratulated me and told me I could either keep the brass ring, or claim my prize. I kept the the ring, called my mom, and gave it to her the next time I saw her. She keeps it on her dresser.
TL;DR - I fulfilled my mom's childhood memories with a brass ring.
That's beyond cool! We have one of those carousels in my town as well, thanks for reminding me that I still need to get a brass ring. Good job on being an awesome son/daughter.
I attended an archaeological field school in Tuscany, Italy, one summer. It was based near Siena, and lasted 5 weeks. During down time we could do pretty much anything we wanted, but weekends were usually the only time we had to go anywhere aside from Siena. One weekend some friends and I decided to go to Florence.
I had taken a liking to one girl in particular. Let's call her Katie. Katie had spent the previous summer in Florence and wanted to show everybody around and get sandwiches at her favorite bistro. We all took the train from Siena as a group, but split up when we got to Florence, with plans of meeting up at the huge piazza at lunch time. My group was going to see the statue of David, and hers did something else.
We went to the museum which housed David, got an English-speaking tour guide (worth the money, honestly), and had a great time. After we left the main chamber we were dumped into the gift shop. Here's where things got irritating. Two of the girls we were with insisted on spending time in the gift shop so that they could buy postcards. I looked at the time. It was five minuted until the time we agreed to meet up with Katie. I really wanted those sandwiches, and also wanted to hang out with Katie some more.
Five minutes go by. Ten minutes. Finally, we leave the museum and head back to the piazza, which is a twenty minute walk away. One of the girls, "Beth," had the only phone. She tried calling Katie, but got no answer. We got to the piazza to find nobody we knew. We waited five, ten, fifteen minutes. I was getting hangry (hunger-angry). The two lame girls decided that they'd rather peruse the shops. I agreed, as long as the phone was kept on hand in case Katie called to tell us where to meet everybody. No call.
We decided to check the Uffizi to see if they had gone there after lunch (they said they might). But first, Beth and her friend needed to buy leather trinkets in the market. My friend Alana and I were getting fed up with this nonsense at this point. I was getting particularly annoyed and Alana insisted that we buy gelato, in an effort to pacify me.
We finally arrived at the Uffizi, and recognized nobody. Last straw. Alana and I ditched those two lamos and decided to buy our own phones. Sidenote: I've never met anybody who could calm me down so quickly and effectively like Alana. She has a gift.
Anyway, we buy our phones and decide that we're weary of being hungry and tired, so we grab sandwiches and then found a cafรฉ, and got the absolute best cafรฉ lattes we'd ever had.
After this, we did a bit of city-roaming and chatting. We bought some shoes, climbed a bell tower, it was great. But that's only the first half of the story. The latter half, and most poignant part, involves Katie. Oh, Katie.
Alana and I finally ended up reaching Katie using our phones. She was hanging out with some of the Aussies from the dig in their hotel room. We managed to make out way up to the hotel and decided that we all fancied drinks before Katie, Alana, and I headed back to Siena. We all went to Katie's favorite bar across town and had a few drinks. Our train was due to leave the station at 8:20. At 7:50, we left the bar, buzzing from our beverages, and speed-walked to the train station.
We arrived there at 8:08 exactly. As we made our way to the terminals, looking up at the schedule, I found our train. It said Siena, binario 10, departs at 8:10. What??? I looked at the clock. 8:10. I look over at platform 10. There she goes...our ride to Siena. Gravely, I turned to Katie and Alana. "Our train just left. let's see if there's another one."
There was, allegedly, one leaving at around 9:30 that evening. "Great! we'll take that one!" We bought our tickets and found an Irish-themed bar that was as Irish you could get in Italy (which wasn't very Irish). We grabbed food and a few more pints. Katie spoke fluent Italian and got offered a job and even got a quick interview. Fucking weird, I know.
A little past 9, drunk, we ran back to the train station. We looked up at the schedule. No trains to Siena. All we could do was laugh. Now, to find a hotel.
The girls had just bought clothes that day. I, however, only had the stinky tee shirt, sweaty jeans, and sandals that I was wearing (not to mention my new dress shoes). Oh, well.
We head back to the Aussie's hotel and ask if there are any vacancies. None, check upstairs. We head upstairs. They only have one room for two. He wouldn't give it to us. Katie begged the man, in Italian, telling him that we were desperate and didn't want to be left on the streets blah blah blah. The man turned red in the face and finally relented. He led us to the room and opened the door. One queen-size bed. Laughing, we all flopped down on the bed and decided what to do next. Alana and Katie wanted to head back to that Irish bar to meet up with some American guys we had walked by earlier. Alana lent me an extra t-shirt she had (it was an excavation shirt with everybody's name on the back). They donned their pretty clothes, and I threw on the sweatshirt and zapped my pits with some deodorant I had been carrying around in my backpack.
We headed back to the bar and hung out for a while. Katie even worked the bar for some of the night, which was strange. Now, I had told her that I liked her and she kind of liked me, too. That night, she was wearing a dress she had gotten, and looked gorgeous.
After that bar closed, we all walked to the next popular bar that we knew would be filled with English-speakers (the American dudes were nowhere to be found, however [thankfully for me]). Katie and I walked arm-in-arm, and Alana was walking with some pretty Turkish kid she met. We got to the bar and Katie told me to give her my passport and bank card, in case my pockets got picked. I drunkenly agreed, thinking that it was a really clever idea at the time.
We messed around at that place for a bit, before deciding to move onto a club. I was chatting with these British kids and telling them jokes that they thought were absolutely hilarious. All the while, I kept an eye out for Katie and Alana. They were not too far ahead of me. I stopped for a moment to say goodbye to the Brits. Katie and ALana turned a corner. I went after them, and turned the corner. Nobody. I ran a bit further, looking down each street I passed. Nobody was there.
Oh. Fuck.
I am alone in a country whose language I do not speak, with no way to prove who I am, and no way to buy anything I need. It is also abundantly clear that I am lost and have no idea where I'm going. And I'm wasted. Maybe I can go back to the hotel and wait there. Surely, the nice old man will give me a key to the room, right?
I ask somebody if they know where the train station is. She shows me, and I make it back. It's dark, though, and I can't find the hotel anywhere. No. This can not be happening.
Wait!! I thought *I'll call Katie and Alana! They'll pick up and tell me where they are!" I called them a few times. No answer. I start to panic. Finally, my phone starts ringing. It's Katie!
"TheConeIsReturned! I've been looking for you! Where did you go? We're at a club called 'Twice' and you should come!"
"Oh my God I have been trying to reach you. You have my things and I'm lost! I'll find Twice, and I'll be there in fifteen to twenty minutes. I just need to find it. Will you wait for me?"
"I will. I will not move from this spot until you find me" she said.
Thank God! I thought. Now, to find Twice. I head back in the direction I think I came from, and hear somebody speaking English. It's some drunk Aussie giving a drunk night tour of Florence. Perfect.
"Hey, man, I'm really really lost. Could you please tell me where Club Twice is?"
"Of course, mate. Head straight up that road to that green light in the distance. When you get there, you'll come up to a place called 'The Goose' or something like that. There's a goose on the front. Take a right and then an immediate left, and you're at Twice."
I thanked him and ran down the road. His directions were perfect. When I got to The Goose, I saw a group of three or four people crouched over a body lying on its side against a building.
"Everything okay?" I asked. A girl with a light Germanic-sounding accent replied:
"This kid is passed out and all of his belongings are just out here in the open next to him. We don't know him. He won't wake up, and we don't know what to do."
Well, the best thing to do is to try and figure out who the hell he is and get him out of here I thought. I poured water on his face, and he woke up, but barely. I looked at his passport. He's a 20 year old college student from the States. He wouldn't respond to questions. Instead, he just made incoherent babbling noises. We called the authorities (better than getting mugged, I figured), and then the German girl led me to Twice. I thanked her and went looking for Katie. She wasn't outside. I had just spoken to her about fifteen minutes prior. How could she have left?
I went inside. It was really dark, but I kept looking. I looked outside again. Inside. Nobody. Nothing. She wasn't there. I am pissed. I begin calling her over and over. She has my passport. She has my bank card. She has the keys to the hotel, and knows where it is. She needs to pick up the fucking phone. Now.
I call her, and call her, and call her again. It's 4 AM. The club closes. Her phone goes to voicemail. I hang up and dial again. And then, I see them. She's standing there, facing away from me, talking to some dude in red. I'm furious. I walked up to her and as soon as I'm within earshot I angrily shout "Way to pick up your fucking phone. I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long..." I lightly pushed the guy in red aside, and I fucking lost it. I hadn't given anybody the third degree in my entire adult life, and this was serious. I didn't scream, but if looks could kill, there would have been nothing left of her.
I told her that I was in a shitty situation and that she could have really fucked me over and that she promised she would wait for me but instead found some random Italian guy and decided to go inside with him how could she be so selfish blah blah blah... She just stood there with a look of realization and guilt written all over her face.
By the time I was done we were both just standing there, staring at each other, tears rolling down our face. She only said one thing
"I am so sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. You are absolutely right. I didn't want to be that person, and I was. I am so sorry."
"I'm just glad I found you, Katie. It's over now. I'm just glad I found you." and I hugged her. We stood there, embracing each other for minutes. I looked over and noticed that Red Shirt is still standing there, awkwardly. I look at him, and tell him to go. He stares back, blankly.
"Vai! Vai! Buona notte!" and he walks off, hands in pockets.
Not tonight, buddy. Not tonight.
Katie is crying. I'm crying. After a few minutes, we've calmed down. The sky is getting lighter. I loosen my embrace and put my finger under Katie's chin. She looks at me, and I kiss her lightly on her lips. She kisses me back. I reach around and pull her in, and now we're kissing passionately. I stop for a moment...
"There's a bridge just up that hill. The sun is coming up. Do you want to go watch the sun rise?" I asked her.
She looked into my eyes, smiled, nodded, and kissed me again.
On our way to the bridge we would stop periodically and make out against a wall. Then we would keep going. At one point, after a wall session, she turned around and, looking back and holding my arm, walked towards the street, up the hill. She didn't see the curb approaching. It happened so quickly. She suddenly fell forward and planted her face on the cobbled street, landing on her jaw. She rolled over, dazed, and bleeding from her chin.
"I fell on my face!" She laughed.
"Oh my God, are you alright?!?"
I reached into my pocket and found a napkin, and daubed her chin with it. She held it there, and kissed me again. She seemed surprisingly okay, aside from the blood. We walked up the bridge just in time to see the sky start to turn red and pink. We just stood there, watching, and then we grabbed each other and kissed on the bridge over the Arno, with the Ponte Vecchio to one side and the sunrise to the other, and her dripping blood all over Alana's shirt that I was wearing. It was the gushiest, most overly-romantic thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. It was like something out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Even her bleeding on me somehow made it amazing, by adding just another element to it that I can't quite describe. At one point some people walked by and I heard a camera snapping a few times.
For that moment, everything was perfect. For that moment, nothing could touch us. For that moment, we were in love.
After the sun had risen we decided to go back to the hotel, using the GPS on her phone. I practically carried her for much of the way. We got back to the room and looked at the bed. Alana wasn't there. She went home with the Turkish guy.
We stripped, crawled into bed, and fell asleep.
Somewhere around 9, I was awakened by strange music. It stopped, and I dozed off again. Seconds later, it played again. It stopped, but came back immediately. It was the phone!
I picked up and it was Alana. I told her I'd meet her at Il Duomo. I started to rise, but Katie grabbed me and said
"Wait, before you go..." and she grabbed between my legs and pulled me towards her.
"Make it quick" she said.
It was. Like, 5 minutes quick. Then I ran off to rind Alana.
As I approached Il Duomo I started looking around. She noticed me immediately and walked straight towards me and hugged me for a good two minutes. We made it back to the hotel and all slept for another hour or so.
Finally, we all got up and decided to go home. First, though, we needed breakfast. There is a McDonald's outside of the train station, and we all got Share Boxes. Share Boxes, by the way, are the absolute best think that McDonald's has ever created ever. Look them up.
Anyway, we're sitting there, and Katie and I regale Alana with the story of what happened after we all got separated. When it got to the point of me mentioning us going to the bridge, Katie looked up and said
"Wait, what bridge?"
"Seriously, Katie? You don't remember the bridge? It was one of the most amazing things that has ever happened..."
"I don't remember the bridge...the last thing I remember is falling on my face. What happened on the bridge? OMIGOD Alana I can't believe I fell on my face it was-----"
I was crushed.
"Ah, nothing, Katie. Only the most gushy, romantic thing to happen to me ever."
In the end, we kind of just laughed it off. Deep down, though, I still feel really bummed that she forgot that whole part which was so poignant to me.
We still hooked up a few times for the rest of the excavation, but nothing really came of it. I didn't want or expect it to, anyway.
If you've made it this far, you're the best. Thank you for reading. I'm so sorry about the wall of text.
tl;dr I kissed a girl at sunrise in Florence and she forgot about it happening
dbx99 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 06:22:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This family on my block had a tiny chihuahua. Really friendly chill tiny five pound chihuahua. Her name was Daisy. I walked my dogs around the block every day and I saw them all the time. One day Daisy wasn't around. I asked. She had gotten mauled by a neighbor's pitbull that got loose. The neighbor with the pitbull was a complete asshole. On a separate occasion, that asshole had discharged a gun out of their Escalade next to my house. The cops found the casing (a 9mm) right next to my fence. We knew who did it, we all told the cops, and they did nothing. I knew their house and they kept a vicious pitbull in the front yard that clawed and jumped at the fence whenever you walked by. People in the neighborhood had been trying to get Animal Control to do something for months but Pasadena California = bullshit cops, bullshit Animal Control that do shit.
Two months later, I am talking to another neighbor who tells me the pitbull got out AGAIN. This time, there was a woman and a kid walking by and the pit had them cornered against a wall and was probably going to maul them when the kid who owned the mauled chihuahua comes running out of his house with a kitchen knife and just tackles the pitbull and basically guts the dog in the street.
What happened afterwards? What did the owner of the pittbull do? How did the kid with the knife respond?
dbx99 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:15:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing happened. Everybody went home. No cops involved.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:00:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never fuck with a kids dog...
dbx99 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:30:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unless it fucks with another kid's dog
Hemo7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How did the asshole neighbor react?
dbx99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:59 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. She didn't have info on the aftermath.
Freny1 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 13:33:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late to the party, but I'll tell this story. In 9th grade civics class from January until June we did this economic experiment. Every assignment would get you "money" that would then go towards calculating your grade. So the more money you had the better the grade. The implication being the harder you worked the more money you got. Some things were worth more money (essays = $100 versus $10 for a chapter review). The kicker was everyone had to keep accurate accounting. That was to teach us checkbook balancing etc.
To add some more context. In this class there was a group of uber dbags who would be total asshats to me all the time. But when this project started I got a reputation as a good accountant. I handled my books well so people started coming to me for help. I would charge a nominal fee to help them sort their books. Then that group of morons started asking for help, but these guys didn't understand math. I had contracts written up so that everyone had to give me a certain percentage of their income, for those people I charged between 50 and 75 percent. By now the whole class was giving me a percentage of their income while I managed their books enough so that I stopped doing any homework. I had more than enough money.
The end of the semester rolled around and the teacher was shocked. Nearly half the class had Cs or below, with that group of morons failing. This was despite everyone doing a large amount of work. I ended up having more money than everyone in the class combined. They discontinued that program after that. Moral of the story don't fuck with the smart kid.
Last week I finished up at my job. I was the only girl in the office with a bunch of tradies. They drink hard and so do I. So we went out for beers, which turned into jรคger bombs. I'm pretty slaughtered by the time my boss walks me to the train station. I go downstairs to the platform and realise I'm dying for a piss. So I go upstairs, knowing my train is coming soon and I have to hurry.
The bathroom I usually would go to is closed for cleaning. And I can't find another one (though I know there is one). So I'm running around looking upstairs, and I hear my train coming.
I run downstairs, I'm almost at the bottom of the stair case and I trip.
I slide down the stairs, my arms fail to go out to stop me, I land face first on the concrete. My front tooth is bent in horizontal, I've cut my leg open from knee to ankle, and, voila, I piss myself.
I miss the train, nobody is around to help me, I limp onto the next train with my shoes sloshing, blood everywhere, crying like a baby.
I am a classy lady.
I did and thank you. Got picked up from my station by my boyfriend and housemate, saw the dentist the next day and my tooth is fine. Pretty sure everything else is fine, though if my bruise and nose-bump don't go down in a few days I'll go go the doctor.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:58:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Posted in another thread but it got buried so it counts!
WARNING: Incredibly disgusting
Right... So I went on holiday to Wales with my grandma, sister and mum. We booked a holiday cottage in a really nice part of the Brecon Beacons. Anyways, as it gets to the 2nd last day and we are all packing to leave the next day. I had severe stomach ache and excessive gas. This wasn't any stomach ache. It was the type that you get when you have explosive diarrhea just waiting to blow out of your arsehole. I was seriously trying to hold it in hoping that it would just subside. It didnt. As the watery faeces started trickling out of my anus, I ran to the toilet. No word of a lie, as I sat down on the toilet, all of my bowels emptied in less that 5 seconds. It felt so good... Stank like fuck though. When I got up to flush, the shit literally was above water. Yep, there was that much that there was more fecal matter than toilet water. I try flushing but all that did was raise the water all the way to the top and mix the diarrhea. So what do I do? I call my mum over like the retard that I am. As soon as she gets near the bathroom she is already gagging. She comes in and I tell her everything that happened. She called my grandma in to help with this as my mum and I really don't know how to fix this. So as we tell my grandma everything as she comes in, she tells me to get a plastic bag. As I come back into the bathroom, I see my grandma elbow deep in the toilet literally fishing the solid parts out. My mum standing behind her was crying her eyes out from the amount of laughter and disgust. I've never seen my grandma as that sweet old lady who used to make apple cupcakes with me as a child anymore. TL;DR: Grandma plunges arm into diarrhea toilet attemping to unclog it.
I was at Wacky Wings with my brother and my parents. My parents had given us money so we could go play some games while we waited for our food.
So, we were playing the games and getting tickets and cashing them in for prizes, but if you didn't want to spend all your tickets right then you could cash them into the machine and get a receipt for all the tickets you had earned.
So, my brother and I have collected our receipts for the tickets we got (which was like 500), when I noticed a trashcan with receipts in it. I grabbed a handful of receipts to see if maybe I could get some extra tickets.
So, I scanned some of the receipts and the machine was accepting them because they had not been redeemed. So, I go back and grab more receipts, and the deeper I go into the trashcan the more is left on the receipts.
It gets to the point where my brother and I have accumulated over 300 000 tickets from the receipts and with these 300 000 tickets we exchanged them for the Toronto Maple Leafs tickets that were in the machine. My brother and I run back to our table and show our parents what we have won for them and they are so surprised.
Later, the manager comes over to us and doesn't seem too happy because we have won the tickets in one night of being there. We then have to return to the machine and show her that the machine was not broken and how we were able to get the tickets. Although she was not happy we were allowed to keep the Toronto Maple Leafs tickets because we did not break any rules to get them.
TL:DR My brother and I acquired Toronto Maple Leafs tickets from the prize machine at Wacky Wings by going through the trash to find receipts for tickets that your win from the games and cashing in unredeemed ones
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:31:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is why Chuck E. Cheese's has an automated shredder in those machines now...
Let me tell you the story of my first crush. Back in sixth grade at catholic school my class went on an outdoor ed trip to a lake in the mountains. I was excited because this girl I liked was going to be in the same group as me for all the outing we went on, and I got to spend a lot of time with her, doing activities from hiking to arts & crafts to learning about the ecosystem. I had a great time but never really got the chance to talk to her one on one. The third and final night we were at that lake we were supposed to go down to the cemetery to tell ghost stories. My crush had twisted her ankle that day while we were out hiking so she couldn't go and I volunteered to stay behind and keep her company. So after everyone else left it was just the two of us chilling by the cabins and we start talking about a few things. The problem was that after 10 minutes I ran out of stuff to talk about and we ended up sitting awkwardly for about 15 minutes until everyone returned. Longest 15 minutes of my life, and after that we didn't really talk anymore.
TL;DR: Worked to get alone time with 6th grade crush, promptly ran out of things to talk about.
That I just found out this week that I'm having a baby and we got engaged too, don't speak with my family, so haven't told that many people.
carollm ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:10:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations! I don't speak to my family much either and I know how it feels to have good news but not have many people to share it with. It's a great feeling to build your own family away from drama, though.
Got engaged in early December...found out we were pregnant in January. We tell everyone that we celebrated engagement a littttlllllee toooo much. Congrats!
eradano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats!
[deleted] ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:47:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At my school, we had a foreign exchange student from Dubai. Like a stereotypical Dubian/Dubaienese/Dubeesi he had a rich oil baron for a father. He barely spoke a word of English, but he seemed like a normal guy. He went to his classes, did his work, and drove himself home in a Bugatti his dad gave him.
Except for one thing. He would wipe his ass with his hands, in-class. And he did it casually too, then go back to doing his work. He was a normal guy who was very nonchalant about it, so we assumed that all Dubians did it.
Over the nine months he spent here, he learnt conversational English pretty quickly. He made friends. He sat with people at lunch, laughing and talking. He got a girlfriend who was pretty hot. All the while, he kept wiping his swampy ass with his hands.
The next year, there was another exchange student from Dubai. This one wasn't the son of a billionaire and he already knew a lot of English. He didn't wipe his ass with his hands. Someone asked him about it. He said that no one does that in Dubai.
Aruu ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:18:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a beautiful story. I'm so sorry for your loss, and your grandpa sounds like he was an amazing person. It's so unfair he was taken before his time.
I focused on scholastics in high school in order to qualify for several scholarships; didn't much care for electives and got randomly assigned to drama. I'm an extremely impassive person with a flat tone of voice. Even when distressed it's very difficult for me to express it, but my teacher was an old hand and taught me the technical side of theater. Our school had a very expensive installation. Lights, huge sound system, seating for about 5,000, and plenty of up space for scenery and backdrops.
I became the head tech by my third year, and when I returned for my senior year I learned my teacher had retired. She was teaching for the fun of it as her real career had been as a stage actress. The drama classes and theater were put under the control of the school's coach, who was an asshole of the highest degree and more than likely stealing from the school. He came in like some swinging dick, ordering me and my crew around as if he knew what the hell he was talking about. Well, since I was working with professional acting troupes that were passing through I was obligated to give them my best, so I took it upon myself to do the job right rather than in the manner the coach told us.
He stripped me of my responsibilities on the spot, which I expected and accepted was a consequence of professional pride. He took my keys to the facility, bitched me out, but when he threatened to say I couldn't walk for graduation my folks referred him to their attorney. They backed off, but they never did ask for the schematics and operation manuals for all the hardware installed into the theater that my teacher had entrusted me with.
It's a 30 million dollar facility that the asshole hasn't a clue how to work.
Zoraver ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:58:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What highschool... Never mind. I am sorry for your and your schools loss..
Part of a high school swim team, our coach was having us a sort of competitive set where as soon as we've won three 25-yard sprints we get to hang out in the shallow end and cool off.
So I get over there, and my friend and my semi-dick friend decides to snatch my goggles off my head and throw them across the pool. So I give him a death stare before turning to go after them, and as I do I feel a soft brush against my shoulder. (This is important for later).
So I get over there and he follows me. So I turn back around because I don't trust him, and as I do I spot something off in the distance behind him. Something that seems really out of place. A fuzzball or something?
A spider.
A fucking spider.
A fucking floating??? spider!!!
I abandon the quest for my goggles which suddenly seems so unimportant, push my friend out of the way and wade like Godzilla over to that little bastard, who appears to be hovering a millimeter over the dead center of the shallow end. Upon further inspection I conclude that spiders cannot hover and that this little fella is hanging from a web, connected to the ceiling....... TWENTY METERS ABOVE. (Seriously, it's a high-ass ceiling).
So I'm staring at it, and I just start announcing the word "spider" over and over again because I'm in so much shock.
"Spider. SPIDER. SPIDER!" (Hodor!)
Eventually people start acknowledging my existence, and come over to see what all the commotion is, and there is that little guy, just chillin.
So naturally, we agree to try and drown it. No dialogue passed between any of us. We all just went for it.
So some guy grabs a kickboard and bats at the web trying to knock it clean off.
But do you know how strong spider-web is??
So instead, the web goes flying to one side, the spider right after it, and starts looping around our heads. It was the freakiest thing ever trying to duck just in time before a spider is on your face.
So this turned into a very aggressive game of tether-dodge-spider, where a bunch of guys roared masculinely while batting at this web with kickboards. Finally, a rather chubby Asian friend of mine (let us pray he never reads this) gets up on the bulk end of the pool with a kickboard, assumes SUMO position, stares at his prey with a hungry look in his eye, HOLLERS, and kamikazes into the middle of the pool, slashing the kickboard down upon the spider as his body makes contact with the water.
A tsunami erupts, and all of us jump back in panic trying to figure out where the hell the spider had gone to. As the water returns to the normal and the pool surface is visible again, my friend points "There!" to the spider, who is now on the bottom of the pool.
And he's still alive. That fucker would not die.
As we all stared in awe, some guy in the back shouted "Drown it MORE!"
Within a few seconds another guy grabbed a bucket, flipped upside-down and brought it upon the spider! He kept it there, screaming bloody murder at the bastard.
Two more minutes went by before that spider was finally dead. In our glory, we huddled into a large group around its corpse and danced in a circle around it, like we had just performed some sort of sacrifice and/or ritual.
I don't think any of us will ever forget that day. I think that was the most teamwork I've ever seen from our team in the four years I've been with them.
TL;DR spider dangling above our pool transforms into a team effort to drown the shit out of it.
Wasn't scared. Well, except for the tetherball thing, that was pretty sketchy. But the rest was just us being overly-excited about our unique discovery.
Yeah, don't picture it as much as a bunch of guys freaking out about a spider. Picture it more like a bunch of half-naked warriors in a body of water causing absolute chaos. Because that's exactly what it felt like.
In our glory, we huddled into a large group around its corpse and danced in a circle around it, like we had just performed some sort of sacrifice and/or ritual.
I have a similar spider (or bug, don't remember at the moment)
I have two best friends who have been my best friends since the 6th grade. This story takes place maybe in 7th-8th grade, during the summer. All 3 of us love to skate, so they come over to my house, and we just hangout in my garage and driveway. Well we get tired and I get some chairs and sit. Eventually I think I start shooting cans with my airsoft gun, and someone breaks a chair, and is messing with the broken chair leg.
Then we see the spider/bug/thing and we all look at it, were kinda huddled up around it. I don't remember what happened next, but I do remember I was shooting it with the airsoft gun, one of my friends was using the broken chair leg to beat the shit out of it, and my other friend was hitting it with a shoe or maybe a skateboard.
We stopped what we were doing to just completely destroy this random spider we found.
You know, at first I thought this was stupid, but the more I think about spiders and making them suffer for their crimes, I'm beginning to think this should be some sort of sport.
When I was a kid, around 5, my uncle took me to a basketball game they were holding at the Elementary school. Apparently it was one of those fun novelty ones to raise money for awareness.
It was against a group of basketball playing little people vs the teachers.
I was scared out of my fucking mind of them. I had never seen little people before and I just remember sitting on my uncle's lap and recoiling and SCREAMING, SCREAMING AND CRYING REDDIT! Every time a little person ran past me while playing in the basketball game. I was hysterically scared of them. It was so bad my uncle had to take me out of the gymnasium and take me home.
Now that I am older it is truely the most horrific memory I have, I feel so fucking guilty and every time I think of it I just want to laugh because of how purely awful it was, I guess its one of those 'so fucking horrible it's hilarious' types of things. Whenever my uncle makes me tell the story my shitty ass family is always in stitches. Those little people players probably hated me, and I really have no idea why my uncle didn't drown me in the tub once we got home.
Apparently I have some sort of aversion to little people but I never saw a little person in person except in a sideshow until I was an adult. My friends and I were reeeeally high and went to the goth nightclub for a fetish event because it sounded like something different. I saw a little person there and completely lost my shit at first, for whatever reason the sight of him just made the world not make sense at all to my high brain. every time I looked at him I just kind of freaked out silently and I had to avoid looking at him while the somewhat sober/sane part of my brain berated myself for being scared of a little person and for potentially making him feel bad if he noticed me avoiding looking at him. At least you were a kid! I still don't know why I had that reaction.
I did this with mentally handicap people. There was a girl in my ballet class with a handicap brother, and once when her mom was picking her up, he needed to use the restroom. So, she brought him into the facility to use the restroom. When I saw him walk in I immediately started screaming. I thought he was some sort of monster and hid under a card table. I kept screaming that there was a monster in the room, but no one else seemed to even care! How could they not be afraid of what is obviously a malicious creature and definitely not a harmless kid with a disability! The boys sister was trying to explain to me that he was not a monster and will not hurt me, but I wasn't having it.
Two years ago, my parents decided it was time that we visited the motherland. Somaliland. This was a place my dad would go on about constantly. How beautiful it was, how friendly the people were, how safe it was compared to the south. Anyway my story is about the weirdest new years day EVER! We we're staying in the town of Berbera. Located right on the Gulf of Aden. After breakfast we visited the beach- which was a short walk away from the hotel we were staying at. After swimming, taking pictures and bathing in the Gulf, my dad recalled that he knew of a fishing village that was down the shore line and suggested it would be a good idea to go and check it out. Realising there wasn't much to do at the hotel, we agreed and started walking. After about 30 minutes of walking and seeing nothing but more coast line in sight we began to slow the pace. Thinking he was Frodo, my dad took my little brother as his companion and went on ahead, telling the rest of us to stick with my mum, reassuring her that the camp wasn't too far off, and that if we would just continue following the shore line we would inevitably catch up to them. We soon lost sight of my little brother and dad. After 20 more minutes of walking we agreed to stop and wait for my dad and brother to return. As we're sitting on the sand, waiting, we see a small boat appear in the distance. Thinking nothing much of it I remember joking to my brother "Look the pirates have come to get us". Well, the boat was getting closer and closer, and it seemed the men in the boat were signaling at us, almost as if to tell us not to move. Now at this point we're thinking fuck. To make matters worse, my dad is the only one who speaks somali fluently, so... double fuck. Anyway, realising the potential danger, my mum orders us to get up and walk back to the hotel, pretending we never saw them. As we're walking back, it becomes clear that the men in the boat were signaling us. Eyes forward and keep walking was the command whispered by my mum. But the men in the boat were persistent, they came closer and closer, until we could actually hear them shouting at us. We continued to ignore them, until finally one of the men, jumped out of the boat and started to swim towards us. At this point, shit was looking to pop off. My mum grabbed my arm and just as she was about to tell me to run, I heard the guy shout my name. And then my brother's name. And then my mum's name. Turns out my dad had found the fishing camp and had sent the men to come and pick us up. After confirming the guys knew my dad, we jumped on and they escorted us to the camp. It was pretty bad ass! On the waves, riding with a couple somali fishermen (we pretended they were pirates) with guns. I wish I had taken a picture. Anyway, we arrive at the camp, which was essentially a couple sleeping bags and stools around a fire. Reunited with my little brother and dad, the fishermen offered us tea and fish, and shared stories with us about their work, and how they live. It was a pleasant encounter, and I fondly remember how humble and hospitable they were. As the conversation flowed, time flew. The sun began to set and darkness was creeping in. The kind fishermen offered to take us back to the hotel on the boat. But for some reason, my mum didn't like the idea of getting back on the boat. Luckily, the camp leader knew a guy with a truck who could drive us back. Thankfully, my mum agreed. At this point it's basically pitch black. Eventually, our ride arrives. And its a monstrosity of a truck. We all hop in the front, and continuing their generosity the fishermen offered to escort us all the way to the hotel. My dad kindly refused, saying it wasn't necessary, but they did not have it. Losing that argument, all 15 of them hoped on the back of the truck, clenching on. It was a 10 minute drive back to the hotel on no road at all. The ride was bumpy as hell. And we could hear the fishermen laughing and shouting at the driver to slow the fuck down or they'll fall off. Eventually, we pull up to the hotel, with a huge fucking truck and 15 dudes in the back. It was definitely a sight to see. The guards at the hotel we're taken aback and drew their guns. It got heated for a quick second, but luckily, once they clocked my dad's face things deescalated. Anyway, we got the the hotel safely, my dad paid the guys, and we we're buzzing of the adventure for a while.
Haha thanks man! We're definitely an odd bunch. And they had one gun between them and a few machetes. The machetes were for fishing/cutting things and the gun I think he said was to protect the camp from bandits or from other fisherman while out in the sea.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Grade 12, I was skipping the morning classes to be up at the ski hill since it snowed 30cm overnight. Skied up to the chairlift and barely had to wait since it was a weekday. Sit on the chair, turn to the guy beside me, and its my chemistry teacher. Who teaches the class I was currently skipping. We had a "no one speaks of this" moment, and then the next day he comes by my desk and comments on how its impressive that the attendance sheet says I was present the previous day. One of my friends figured he'd cover for me since the sub wouldn't catch on.
Py72o ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:30:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate went to a rave and was rolling hard, started making out with a girl and all of the sudden his lips were on fire. He starts freaking out saying his lips are burning and she tells him she snuck into the rave and got pepper sprayed on the way in
Copy pasted and edited from a thread that I responded to a little late today.
I was in my third year of high school and I had gym for second period. I'm usually first in that class since my locker was very close to the gym. When I was walking in I thought, "Oh someone took a dump in here" because of the strong smell of poop. Then I looked at the wall and saw a big 'splash' of poop on it like someone threw their poop right at the wall. There were two of these poop splashes and below them was a crescent shaped poop. It basically looked like a smily face on the wall made by some asshole's poop. On the rest of the walls were just random splashes of poop. I bolted right out of the change room while trying to hold down the omelette I had for breakfast, ran to my gym teacher Mr. A at the staff room and said, "There's shit, all over the change room". The teachers there scolded me for a quick second about my language. I appologized and told them to see for themselves. When Mr. A and the another teacher(I don't know her name) walked in the change room both of them were gagging. That change room ended up closed for the rest of the day. My class had to use the change room of the second gym which another class was using. The next day there were strict rules for change rooms. They had to be locked after it was used so nobody can use them between classes. Whoever did it never got caught but it was suspected that it was someone from the first period class. TLDR Change room poop art.
I accidentally slept with my good friend's roommate last night, I didn't know they lived together until I heard her voice on the other side of the bedroom door. Thank god she didn't come in...
Setari ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:26:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking around my neighborhood and I was approaching little caesars. As I got there this random black dude comes up to me and asked if wanted to buy weed. I instantly said yes(dumb I know). The dudes goes by kush and he has become my dealer ever since
It was late October or early November, somewhere around Halloween. My sister and I were 11 at the time, and my brother was 12. I was outside helping my mom rake our yard, when I see a little boy in front of his house calling down to me.
(My house is immediately at the bottom of a hill, and the boy's house was at the top of the hill, to the right facing down the hill)
Anyway, the boy asks me to help him get his dogs back into his yard, as they had somehow escaped and were running around the lawn. I get my brother and sister and we go up.
After a while, we get the dogs back into the fenced yard. Then, the boy lets them go. At this point, we had noticed a Halloween decoration in his side yard that looked like a man with blood dripping from his mouth robotically moving his arms back and forth. It creeped us out, but we paid no attention to it. After all, it was still Halloween season.
So when the boy let his two dogs out again, the little dachshund runs straight towards the decoration and licks its face, and the blood. At this point my sister is creeped out and tells my mom about the decoration. She just says to pay no attention to it. Okay, whatever. Mom is always right.
We chase the dogs for a while longer, but each time we got them back into the fenced yard, the boy let them out again. The fuck, man? That shit ain't cool.
So by this time the decoration is moaning, and my sister goes down and describes the decoration to my mom. This time, my mom comes back up with her.
She investigates a bit, pulls out her cell phone, and dials 911. It was the boy's dad. He had a stroke while mowing and was out there for a good while. We were told later that the mom wasn't going to be back until midnight that night, and had we not noticed him, he'd probably have been dead by the time his wife got home.
Luckily, he lived. But damn it was scary for eleven year old me.
TL;DR: Eleven year old me and siblings are creeped out by Halloween decoration. Not Halloween decoration, but neighbor's father.
When I was 13 or 14 my brother and I, read on the internet you could masturbate by carving a dick-width-sized hole through a cucumber and microwaving it. So he decided to do this late at night and (while I chose not to because I considered it to be weird as fuck). Before he started to get things going, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. With no way to explain what he was doing, he immediately pulled up his pants and began to eat the cucumber. He explained to my mother "Midnight snack...".
What makes it even more funnier is that he is allergic to cucumber. My mother knew this. So he told her that he was testing if he still had his allergy.
Edit: My brother has posted a story about this on another thread, cannot seem to find it.
When I was fourteen, my father died. I had a lot of older siblings to choose to live with. Me and my little brother (13) chose to live with our brother in Salina, Kansas.
Now, I was semi-okay with the arrangement, except that my older brother had married an older woman who had three daughters our age. (13, 14, & 15) The oldest hated my brother thinking her dad some sort of diety. Therefore, she hated everything about my brother including me and my little brother and made our lives hell. The girl who was my age ensured I had no friends in school since she spread stories about me and my little brother. The youngest daughter was pretty cool till she grew up.
Anyways, the short of it is that she made our lives hell. I constantly had her mother screaming at us in her nails on chalkboard Harpy voice. They accused us of everything from spying on them while they were sunbathing to spying on them while they were dressing. (They lived on the third floor. Not sure how that last one worked.) My little brother was having serious problems in school. We had moved from southern Missouri and he had a very noticeable country accent. The kids in middle school didn't miss a chance to tease him. He also had a way of walking with his arms puffed out that made him look like an irritated rooster. They made fun of him horribly.
My brother and I were fire and ice. I stayed calm and watched. He got pissed exploded. I advised him to go out for wrestling to work off that anger. He wasn't familiar with the rated G wrestling styles that public schools used. After his Suplex and several clotheslines and one very scary scissor around some poor kids neck, he was kicked off the wrestling team. After that, he discovered alcohol. They had a classification for students in Salina. You were either a Hood or a Prep. My brother was a Hood.
What resulted in the year he lived there was a never-ending freight train of fighting. He got in a fight almost every other day. The worst of it happened when got angry some kid who'd wanted to fight him didn't show up after school to fight, and he punched a heckler with glasses. The broken glass nearly scooped out the kids eyes.
Now, on the home front, I was having to cover for him everytime he came in drunk. We lived in an apartment behind my brother's house. Everytime my brother came home from work, I had to push my inebrriated little brother into the loft so big brother wouldn't notice his condition. I would say he was out walking. The stories of the fighting and drinking came back to my sister-in-law via her daughters. They claimed he was embarrassing them, and for once, I couldn't deny it was somewhat embarrassing.
When confronted, he denied, he lied, then they asked me. I shrugged claiming ignorance. They brought the hammer down on him. They let the police pick him up a couple of times when the school called to teach him a lesson then started threatening him with military school. I knew it was an empty threat. My brother was working two shifts just to make his rent and grocery bill for all of us. My little brother did believe it though. He started running away from home, wanting to go back to Missouri.
I don't know what it is about Salina, but we just couldn't get our east, north, south, west down. My little brother ran away three times. The first time, he thought he was headed toward Missouri, and the police picked him up twenty miles outside of town headed for Colorado. The second time he ran away, they found him headed south toward Oklahoma but he was only five miles outside of town. The third time, he tried to hitch-hike and the man who picked him up brought him to the police station instead.
By this point, I was even pissed off. This resulted in us getting into a huge fight in which I ended up squeezing him so hard I made him vomit. When my older brother finally broke it up, I realized I had been the only one on his side. He was now, for intents and purposes, truly alone. He had no parents. He had no friends. His new family despised him, and I had abandoned him, betrayed him, sentenced him to be alone.
He got a paper route. He kept to himself after that. He convinced the neighbors who were his new bosses from the newspaper that he was being abused. They started calling family services on my brother and sister-in-law. My brother had a enough and shipped him off to Memphis to live with a different brother.
Here it started off the same, only that older brother was better equipped to deal with it. My brother calmed down, started working on developing friends. He made some very loyal friends in the nine months he was there and by the time I got shipped off to live with that brother, hundreds of kids were constantly calling or coming by to talk with Hillbilly Willie. Thats what they called him. It was the name he hated from Kansas, but took to heart in Memphis. He learned to play guitar and how box.
I'm considered a powerhouse cause of my size and strength. My little brother was every bit my size, but instead of a doughy stomach like mine, he was corded muscle. The most notable conflict that earned him the most infamy in school was that he was constantly standing up for other kids who were being picked on. He didn't know most of them, but he stood up for them. One of those times, he lost and got jumped by five kids in the hall. Race isn't important, but they beat him bloody.
People live in fear of getting beat up, but my little brother's philosophy was that it won't be the first time he got his ass beat and it isn't going to be the last. Three days later, he tracked down each of the kids that jumped him and caught them in the stairwells one-by-one and showed them why they should fear him. He wasn't a bully. He didn't go looking for trouble . . . usually. By the time I arrived in Memphis, he had a following and it seemed like almost every girl in the school of thousands knew who he was.
Unfortunately, when I arrived, my brother had no choice but to ship him back to Missouri to live with one of our older sisters. He was finally where he wanted to be. He worked hard. He made lots of friends being the kid from Memphis. He had lots of girls who wanted in his pants. The drinking never got any better . . . or worse. He was fine so long as he had coffee, whiskey, and cigarettes. He played guitar. He fought in bars, and by the time I arrived, he was just getting married.
I came from Pensacola. My brother had been restationed in the two years since I'd last seen my little brother. He was then transferred to Jacksonville and decided he didn't want to take me along and left me living in my car in Pensacola. I lasted six months living like that before I learned of my little brother's upcoming wedding. I scammed some money for gas and headed for Missouri. I was one year out of highschool.
I arrived one week before my little brother's wedding and realized how much we'd changed. I was fat. He was thin. I was a coward. He was brave. He had friends. I was alone. Evidently, he had been bragging on me as much as I'd been bragging on him in our respective places. I must have been a huge disappointment. I saw the excitement in his eyes vanish when I climbed out of the car. My older brother and sister both had that same vanishing look in their eyes as well.
The cold wind that started blowing when I was fourteen was now colder than it had ever been. My brother got married. I was there watching from the wings. His friends laughed. His new extended family cheered. We threw him in the river for luck (local custom).
I didn't see him again until his son was born. I had one story to tell. I survived another year. He had lots of stories to tell. His new wife had lots of stories to tell. He had surrounded himself with people who loved him. I had surrounded myself with people who refused to admit they were dead--at least on the inside.
The next time I saw him was a week before he moved to Kansas City. My older brother from Kansas had come back to Missouri. He'd just sold his houses up there and was starting a new business in Missouri. He had a pocket full of cash and took great delight in waving the thousands of dollars under my little brother's nose and convincing him he had nothing. Three days later, he moved to Kansas City with his brother-in-law to work declaring he wasn't coming back until he had a fistful of money like our older brother.
I tried to tell him that he was richer. He had what we all wanted. He had family and happiness and I was tired of chasing him around the country. He left. We got phone calls every now and again where he talked about the money he was making. My older brothers told these stories as if my little brother's good fortune reflected on them. I watched from the wings, going through the motions like always. My little brother came back for a visit in the Spring.
He admitted to me he hadn't made any money, and he'd just been telling stories cause thats what he does. If he was going to report anything, might as well report good fortune. He told me he was thinking about moving back. I was actually happy for him and encouraged this.
August 15, he was moving back. He went to get his last paycheck and was in a car wreck. Some young girl who'd just gotten her license hit him and knocked him into oncoming traffic. He died six months shy of his 21st birthday. There was a huge funeral for him. His best friend developed a drinking problem. His wife remarried three weeks later and ran off with their kid to Colorado. My older siblings just shook their head and went their seperate ways.
I had nightmares. I had problems. I realized I had been living through him. When he died, someone killed my host. I often wonder if this is how pumpkins feel when you cut them from their vines. When I was 14, I forgot how to be happy. August 15, I realized it. It took me three years to learn how to smile without being polite as my motivation. It's like that part of us atrophy's when we have to use another to find our reason to smile.
This is the story of Hillbilly Willie, my little brother. It has been twenty years since the day he died, almost twenty-one. I smile regularly. Other than my size and strength, it is what I am most known for. I'm always smiling.
ronton ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 04:13:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to me a few days ago. I was on vacation with my family and I had just gone shopping by myself. On my way back, I took a wrong turn and ended up in a side street. When I realized, I turned around and started heading back to the main road, but I heard insane yelling and crying from a car. I looked in and some guy (I'd say early 20's) was grabbing and hitting his crying girlfriend.
So, I walked up to the car and went to the window, and he opened the door and said "mind your own fuckin business mate" and pushed me a few times into a wall, then got back into his car. So I knocked on the window and he opened it again and I said "I don't want you to do that her" (or something, it's kind of a blur). So he got out, and just started pushing me, kicking me, and punching me, (along with a liberal use of the word "cunt") while I just stood there with my shopping bag in one hand and my other out to keep him from getting too close.
So, he pushed me a bit and kicked me, and we were about 20 feet from the car, when his girlfriend opened the door and I yelled that she should run, which she did. He got mad and punched me in the jaw (my first punch to the face, yay!), then continued to whack me down the street.
I didn't feel any of it really, even the punch (adrenaline is fun) and I didn't want to hit back in case a cop came by (didn't feel like getting arrested). Eventually, we got to the end of the street and I guess he got tired of me saying "calm down sir, sir, calm down" so he stopped. (Actually it's probably because we had reached a big street, now that I think of it).
So he ran away, and I saw someone walking on the street so I went to them to get them to call the cops but they were also a tourist, so unfortunately the guy got away (I didn't get a plate # in all the craziness).
But, that was just a really cool time. I often wonder what I'd do in situations like that and it's comforting to know that I would help her. I really hope she is okay and didn't go back to him, but unfortunately chances are she will, eventually.
TL; DR Saw a guy hurting a girl (I think his girlfriend), let him smack me around while she ran away. Felt pretty cool.
The dude that responded to you about "one shotting" the guy doesn't know what he's talking about. You did exactly the right thing drawing attention to yourself so the girl could get away, fighting back wouldn't have really made much difference past that. You should be proud.
Go to the doctor and get checked out though. You could've taken damage you're not aware of
ronton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:22:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks a lot!! Yeah it's been a few days so I'm aware of my injuries now, it's just a few bumps and bruises nothing serious. Thanks though.
[deleted] ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 07:19:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ronton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha ok man.
[deleted] ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 02:51:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My town held a candlelight vigil to protest me. It was like 200+ people.
The article states that the vigil was "to demonstrate unity and diversity in the community", after some Jewish families filed a lawsuit against the school district for failure to react to anti-Semitic harassment in its schools.
A gathering like that can often be more defensive in mood than the article portrays. It doesn't appear to be a case of actively protesting an individual(s), but I'm sure it felt like a slap to students/families who were trying to fight what sounds like very legitimate harassment.
LadyJ26 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:15:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I could be wrong, but I looked at his post history and he said that he sued his school. It caused quite the ruckus and made a lot of people turn against him, so I think that's why maybe? They never elaborated as to why the sued.
My parents have a half-bath downstairs. It's just a toilet and a sink. There are no windows.
So one day I was peeing into the toilet. Then the power went out and it was pitch black. I froze and kept peeing, listening to the sound of the pee hitting the water. It didn't stop for a second. Then the power came back on, and I was actually peeing into the trash bin. Huh. But it wasn't a problem because I just took out the trash.
Last year some time I was in a book store, and this guy came up to me. He started commenting on the books I was picking up, trying to flatter me, and talking about how he was working on homework for school (at the little cafe). It seems like innocent stuff, but it felt very intrusive and I was 15 or 16 at the time. Plus, I'm not the kind of person that gets hit on, so I wasn't sure what to do. I basically just smiled at him politely and went about my business.
"You don't have to ignore me, I'm just trying to be nice."
Now I'm getting uncomfortable. He asks me who I'm with, and I tell him I'm with my boyfriend. He doesn't believe me (obviously). Then I just leave the section I was looking at and walk away, but he starts to follow me. I'm freaking out because no one else was in this corner of the store, and I thought he was going to corner me when I circled around a bookshelf, and an older couple was standing at the section that I was at before. Then the guy decides to leave me alone. It really freaked me out, so I just left the bookstore, and then felt anxious walking around the mall after that.
Moral of the story: Boys, don't follow a girl around a store.
Girls, don't play the boyfriend card. Play the dad card.
My friends sister (who is bangin' hot and has nice boobies) gave me her old phone because mine broke. I look at the pictures and there are tons of topless pictures of her.. I'm horrible.
I met a girl while on a road trip to the Grand Canyon and we began a long-distance relationship (we lived 300 miles apart). Very shortly into our relationship she invited me to Las Vegas for the weekend. A couple crazy things happened that weekend.
First, she picked me up at the Ontario airport. On the way out of the parking lot I remembered I left my sunglasses in my luggage that was now in the trunk. She stopped the car in the middle of the lot and I hopped out with the keys, opened the trunk and got my shades out of my bag. I slammed the trunk as I realized that I left the keys inside. Fuck! It was an older car and there was no interior release. I caused a minor traffic jam until a locksmith could get there an hour and a half later. Not a great way to start the trip.
We make it to Vegas and meet up with another couple who are friends of hers. They had invited us to share their room and after a fun night on the strip we stumbled into the hotel room and crashed. I was slowly waking up in the morning but hadn't actually opened my eyes. My head was foggy and I didn't remember my current whereabouts. Thinking I was at home in my own bed, I proceeded to loudly fart for approximately 20 minutes. I let them rip long and loud. Eventually I felt awake enough to open my eyes and thats when I remembered where I was. The room stunk of my beer farts and as I silently lay there I realized that the other three people in the room were lying awake listening to my horrible flatulence. Eventually we all got up, but it was never spoke of even though we all knew what a stinky bastard I was. Surprisingly, she didn't hold it against me and the other couple became good friends for the duration of our relationship. I wonder if they ever tell that story about me polluting the hotel room they so generously allowed me to share.
When I was 20 I had a full time job and had just bought my first car, a Honda Civic CRX SI. It was a decent ride for me at the time. I had a buddy who installed stereos, and he came with me and I bought a deck, and amp and 2-12" subs. So one day my dad tells me to drive my sister to a friends house across town to her friend's house (sister is 8 years younger than me) and after that I had to work. My sister being much younger brought a Disney CD for me to play on the way, so I played it. After I drop her off, I didn't think about it and kept playing the CD. A few minutes later I'm blaring "Under the Sea" from the Little Mermaid at a red light when I feel a HUGE rumbling, and all of a sudden I'm surrounded by Hells Angels. I get a little nervous but just keep looking ahead, you know, "don't make eye contact". Then this big dude leans over and asks me to turn the music down a little. So I did. Then he asks me if I have "Can't wait to be King" from the Lion King. I say I do so he asks me to play it and turn it up really loud. So I oblige, the light turns green and I'm driving down a busy city street surrounded by Hells Angels blaring "Can't Wait to King", and as luck would have it song finishes seconds before I have to turn into work. Co-workers see Hells Angels speed away from me and me turn in. Best story of my life and I don't get to tell it often!!
I was at a party, and this girl was sitting on the couch when all of a sudden she said "I smell weed!" She started sniffing all around the basement until she found this little door and says that there is weed inside, but she couldn't get the door open. So she keeps searching around the basement more and finds a doorknob that opens the door. When she opened that door it felt like I was in a cartoon where someone found buried treasure, because she was in a dark corner and these bright lights shone out on her. It was a room with a bunch of weed growing, and the girl who's house it was just casually said "yeah, that's my uncle's"
I just got an MIP (currently 19, an MIP is a minor-in-possession when you're caught drinking underage) a few months back. While they were writing me the ticket - I'd be drinking in a public setting so it was pretty bad - I was pretty quiet. Went through the procedure really obediently outside of the building and the officer thanked me for being so cooperative. I told him, sincerely, that I understood it was his job and I appreciated that they were looking out for me. Granted I was buzzed so I was a little teary-eyed as I told him how disappointed my parents would be, but he said he liked my attitude so much he got me out of the ticket anyway. Sometimes being nice pays off.
Did you ever actually see the ticket with the writing? I know where you're coming from, I have also gotten out of teenage shenanigans by being very cooperative, but usually after the ticket is written they don't take it back. I just thought it was funny that OP thanked them for how awesome the police are right as he's walking away, it just doesn't fit the situation and seems like an immature thing to do.
I know, right? Ha, well I know that they do more than just pull people over for speeding; they're also the ones who help protect people. If I was being robbed and held at gunpoint, I'd be dying to see a cop come through the door to save me. He was just doing his job; it wasn't like he pulled me over for going a couple MPH over.
I'm 20 and I got out of a ticket by apologizing profusely to the officer about breaking the law. I then proceeded to thank him for pulling me over and keeping the roads safe. I also told him I'd totally understand if he issued me a ticket, and that I fully deserved it.
Im 5 years into my driving career and haven't gotten a ticket yet. (knock on wood). It's something that is going to happen eventually but like you said if you speed smartly everything will be ok. and yes being white helps too.
Yeah I got pulled over twice for 9 over in the span of a few months (64 in a 55 and 69 in a 60). Both warnings and one was past my legal curfew at the time. I'm more careful with my speed now
Wow, that's honestly so dumb... Traffic is always going at least 60 in 55, so that surprises me that you got pulled over.
How fast was most traffic going?
More careful but probably still speed a little. I speed all of the time, but if you keep it around 5 over you won't get pulled over. I live in Texas so it may be different.
Because speeding tickets are a way for the city to make a revenue, not to actually increase safety. Studies have shown city planners will usual aim for around 10 MPH under what somebody would normally feel safe driving on said road.
Or perhaps because most people are idiots, and dropping the speed limit by 10mph stops them thinking 10mph above what it was before is ok.
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well think of interstate highways. The vast majority of those roads are designed with steady traffic with speed limits of 90 mph in mind. There are few areas where this is NOT the case. But states all tend to keep speed limits at 70 or under. Speed limits should really be set at near the maximum that most anyone would feel comfortable and in control. Said speed limits would be hard limits though. Not any of this letting you go for 5 over. They should be "never to exceed" speeds.
Perhaps because it's obvious advice, even though people don't adhere to it. Everyone knows that speeding isn't worth the risk and it's not like the original commenter will have an epiphany over being told it's inherently dangerous.
Maybe it's like telling a smoker that cigarettes will give them cancer or telling an overweight person that they are going to die younger if they don't improve their fitness. It's straight up truth but people don't like hearing things they do are irrational or reckless - perhaps the small sample of people that downvoted speed themselves.
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. I drive 25 miles to work every day on the interstate. There are several cars that go at least 10-15 mph over in the same direction every day. they blast past me. but I stay a constant and steady pace within reason of the speedlimit and more often than not, I catch up to those cars at the first red light off of the interstate. It never works out for them, but they continue to speed heavily every day.
My first speeding ticket was 95 in a 60 with two warnings before that, you are a damn good kid compared to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I still speed, but only in certain cases. I'm not going to fly through town or anything, but if I see a stretch of open road I'll get on the gas a bit.
I got my first (and so far only) speeding ticket at 19. I was caught going 130 in an 80 (km), and it ended up costing me $450, partly because my dad encouraged me to fight it and then forgot to tell me that I had a second hearing scheduled after the first. Now I just obey the speed limit.
arb0reo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I almost got pulled over yesterday.
I was driving on a street that was a 50k zone, except this street is so wide, open (save for the bushes in the median strip) and steep, it really should be a 70k zone.
So I'm doing probably close to 70, so is the guy in front, I get over the hill and a cop has jumped out on to the road with his hand held speed gun, he pulls the other guy over, not me.
I freak out and slow down, wondering what's happening, then I come to my senses, realising I'm only doing 30, I decide not to stick around to ask if he wants to pull me over too, got back up to 50 and drove off.
Just going to mention, because I was once young too, that it's not the lane of travel alone that dictates the acceptable speed.
You have to factor in ingress, egress, topology, etc. to determine safe road speed. Consider that an otherwise "premium" road my have direct access to driveways and the like and it can become exceedingly problematic for the limit to be set high.
arb0reo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I understand that, but the thing is that it's not built up at all, it's in the middle of nowhere, there's no houses on the street, or any buildings at all for that matter, all the exits have turning lanes and there's minimal traffic anyway. There's not much to suggest that an increased speed limit would cause much more risk.
Perhaps it's simply a city/township/county/hamlet/burg ordinance specifying a maximum speed within their governing limits.
I tend to look at some of these things as risk v. reward. Let's say the section of road you are referring to was 10km. at your speed, without traffic lights, stop signs, etc. that is 8.6 minutes travel time. At the posted speed limit it's 12 min flat.
Supposing that this section is a leg in some longer journey, of which there are numerous turns, signals and the like; is the 3.4 minutes "saved" really worth it?
Only you can say whether going 40% over the posted limit is worth it, but for me, most times the answer is no.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I got pulled over my mom drove past me while I was on the side of the road. Thankfully she laughed about it.
Dude, every ticket sucks. But I kinda had a similar experience. Almost a year ago when I was 16, I had been driving for a year and a half easily(I love South Dakota for the driving age), I was at a party. Leaving the party at around 11:00 I wasn't really paying attention and I hit another person's car. We were kinda friends but really only because we want to school together. It was super awkward waiting for a cop and my parents who were pissed they had to drive out and deal with me. Both parents were angry and said I couldn't drive for a week. I wasn't upset over the not driving because I really didn't want to drive. Anyway I forgot where I was going with this so have a nice night.
Own up to it and move on with your life. One speeding ticket is just going to fuck up your insurance rates for a bit, not ruin your future.
You're not necessarily a terrible person if you go over a speed limit. Just don't do it if anywhere that may have pedestrians - especially residential areas and cities. If you're on a highway, conditions are good, and you're not being aggressive/weaving, I personally wouldn't hold it against someone for going 80 if the car can handle it.
That being said, at 17 you're still really inexperienced despite what you might think. There's a lot to learn about driving, and it's not just controlling your own vehicle. A lot of it is predicting what other people will do next and being prepared for the possibilities.
jesus man you got a speeding ticket, you didn't run over an old lady crossing the street, go rob a convenience store before you're locked into a state of perpetual naivete
Call the courthouse in your county and ask for court supervision papers. It will be wiped from your record if you can not get any tickets in a year but I think you have to pay some $.
He ended up shaking my hand and thanking me for being appreciative.
This could work to your advantage, if you're willing to do the work. (someone correct me if I'm wrong). My assumption is that this officer liked you. You were young and a made a mistake, he shook your hand at the end of it. So, if you were to go to the court hearing, chances are, the officer won't show up because he doesn't expect you to plead not guilty. So you plead not guilty, and if he's not there to contest it, all charges dropped. Am I right?
That's good of you. Cops get a bad rap but I've seen enough idiots speeding through lights and crashing, or they don't use turn signals. I've been pulled over once but didn't get a ticket and then I've gotten a ticket once (that I DID have to pay cause I was too scared to try to talk to the cop, I just didn't want him to be mad at me). All you can do is learn from it and realize that you're driving a heavy piece of metal that can go from transport into weapon easily.
Something I have learned and you should take it to heart. Try to leave 5 minutes before you need to for short trips. If you have cruise control pop on at 5 over and let everyone go past. I haven't had a speeding ticket in 10 years. As the officer told me "9 you're fine 10 your ass is mine" talking about how many MPH you are over. always remember this and you will pay a ton less in insurance down the road.
Side note, a taxi is always cheaper than a lawyer ($2000.00) for a DWI
kosif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just gotta remember man, the ticket and the resulting insurance increase isn't worth getting to wherever you're going 30 seconds faster. ESPECIALLY in school zones and neighborhoods.
Yeah I know how that is. I had never even gotten a parking ticket and then I got arrested for DUI. After I took a breathalyzer and blew .00.
I was the designated driver for my friends and had just picked up one of them from downtown when I saw blue lights in my rear view mirror. I pull over and ask the officer what the problem is, and he begins to ask if I've been drinking. I say no, and he asks me to step out of the vehicle. I oblige and pass the sobriety tests and a pre-arrest breathalyzer.
The officer then places me in handcuffs and asks if I agree to a blood breath and urine analysis at the station. When I ask on what grounds he says "You're on something." Seriously??
As a casual marijuana user and knowing that a urine test would show positive for metabolites, I refused the test and had to spend the night in jail. I've since been to court and am dealing with 1 yr probation.
I live in the south so marijuana tolerance is at a minimum and even though I wasn't driving high if the test had even shown that I had ever used marijuana I would have been charged with possession by consumption and would have been at risk of losing college scholarships.
I see your 15 over and raise you 27 over and no ticket. Well, not for speeding anyway.
I was on a delivery one night, running late, sometime around 12am on a commercial street rated for 35. It was a crisp night and I was having a bit of fun since I was late anyway. I came over a hill and saw the headlights sitting in a turn lane that goes nowhere, I knew I was screwed. Slowed way down but I knew it was too late, he pulled out behind me and pulled me over. The usual convo ensued, he asked me how fast I thought I was going, I said I saw 55 on the way down, he said 62. Gave him my license and insurance card, he told me my insurance card was expired. I still have the same carrier, but the card expired the week before. He went to his car, ran my license and insurance and came back with only a $10 insurance ticket and a warning for the speed! Bonus: I still made the delivery on time.
tl;dr: Some cops can be nice, especially when you deliver pizza.
As a 19 year old that had had 5 tickets already, as long as you're respectful you'll end up okay. After each ticket I called the district attorney and asked to get it reduced. All of them were also dropped from insurance as well, which is the most important thing. It'll be fine man.
How do you keep getting tickets? I'm 24 and the only speeding ticket I've had was when I was 16. I've gotten them for tint and no front plate but that's a different story.
1-80 in a 70
2-40 in a 25
3-70 in a 55
4-40 in a 25 (I didn't know it was a school zone.)
5-100 in a 55 (That one took knowing a guy that was in real close to the judge.)
Back in 1997, I witnessed a guy dressed as a clown fighting a naked midget at a party. I remember these two bastards was drunk, fighting over some Juggalo lookin' bitch, swearing at each othef and such.
Well, I was there for a whole 10 minutes watching these two fuckers beat each other senseless. Nude midget kicks the clown guy in the balls. Clown goes down, midget pisses on him.
brett96 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:07:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Most recent was last week. It's not really a story I'm dying to tell but it is an interesting one. It's also one of the more interesting things that's happened to me recently.
So last week was my Senior Prom. I had plans to go on a party bus to Prom with 80 people total. Prom started at 7:30 and we left at 6:30 so we could get there a little early. At 8:00, the bus stops and we get off, expecting to be at prom, but we're not. The bus driver told us he took a detour to get us there faster but ended up getting lost and went into this neighborhood which was 10 miles away from prom. Now we were stuck at a dead end and the double party bus was too big to be able to turn around, but the driver still tried to turn around and got even more stuck.
So the driver suggests he call in another bus from the company HQ to come pick us up, which would take roughly another hour. None of us were willing to wait that long and tell him to call the place prom was being held at and have them send over one of the empty party busses. He does this and they send one over, but neglected to say that we had 80 people on our bus. So the person on the other end assumed we had a single bus and sent us a single bus that can only hold 40 people. When it arrives, the driver of the single bus said that there's not enough gas to make two round trips to and back from where we are to prom and still be able to take the original group back from prom, so the driver crammed 80 people in a 40 person bus, which was not only illegal and very dangerous, but extremely uncomfortable.
We finally get to prom a little before 9, making us around an hour and a half late, all because of an incompetent bus driver.
After prom, we had to take the same 40 person bus 10 miles back to our original bus, which somehow managed to get unstuck. When we got back we decided to hit up IHOP at 2 in the morning. At the time they were short staffed so it took them over 2 hours to make the roughly 150 pancakes we ordered. All in all it was probably one of the most memorable nights I've had.
ekkstra ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:34:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just found out my great great grandfather's occupation and origin. Born in 1817 was a wine-maker in Eastern France and moved to Switzerland in 1870. Which is the farthest I've learned of either side of my family has gone.
Pretty awesome to me.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:29:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the story which resulted in a "customers only" policy on the bathrooms of the coffeeshop where my wife worked.
The shop was really busy, and one evening on the weekend there as a lot going on. The area of town had a mall and a concert hall, but also a really high density of homeless people.
So, they're doing business as normal, when suddenly a customer comes up to the counter and says that he needs to use the restroom and it's been occupied for like 20 minutes. My wife tells him that there's not much they can do.
A few minutes later, same customer comes up and says that he can hear a male AND female voice in the restroom, and it sounds like they're having sex or something. My wife, pretty hardened to bullshit at this point and after how long she's worked there, heads over to the bathroom and pounds on the door. No answer.
She can hear some kind of scuffling and moaning coming from inside the bathroom. She pounds a few more times and tells them that if they don't come out she's going to open the door. Still no response. My wife pulls out her keychain, turns the lock, and opens a portal to hell.
Inside the bathroom are two people. One is a tiny woman, probably no more than five foot and 80 pounds wet. The other is a giant man, at least six foot and 400 pounds. Both of them are dirty and naked, their ragged and soiled clothing on the ground.
The man is bent over the sink with his pants down, and the woman has her arm up the guy's rectum past her elbow. Or at least, that's how it looked to my wife. The man was moaning and pounding the sink while the woman was making some kind of sobbing noises.
After getting over her initial horror, my wife looked around and noticed: Shit everywhere. Literally everywhere. Walls, floor, mirror, sink, garbage, everywhere. Insane amount of it.
Suddenly, the woman whipped her hand out of the guy's ass, another handful of shit clutched victoriously, and she threw it over at the wall. It exploded all over the place, and the woman goes back for more.
They never even noticed my wife and the small crowd standing there.
Needless to day, my wife slammed the door and called the cops. One employee quit that night so he wouldn't have to clean the mess.
tl;dr wife busted in on a tiny woman using a massive man as a human sock puppet.
I am the female version of good guy boss. I am really an awesome boss. I have tons of stories but this one sticks out.
Me: hi there what can I get for you?
Bitch: just a car wash.
Me: the works?
Bitch: sure, yah
-I ring her up, noticing she had one of our 'on account' cards some companies have only good our chains.
Me: All set
Bitch: okay. Oh what are the differences between the three tiers and which one did I get?
I'll admit it, I spend barely any time at that location, let alone behind the till. That car wash site is my husband's baby. so I turn to my employee with a 'save me' look
Employee: Well it looks like.....
Bitch: interrupting excuse me, I was asking her and calls him an unspeakable racist slur
Me: ma'am, he knows more than I do about the car wash, he is better suited to answer your car wash questions
I am a good person, but I turn into momma bear when it comes to defending my employees. So as I say this I void her transaction, then I hand her the receipts
Me- all right, here is your receipt showing your purchase, this is your receipt showing the void. I am refusing service.
Bitch- Well, I need a car wash.
Me- There is other chain down the road
Bitch- it has to be this chain, where is your closest one
Me- names city over two hours away
Bitch- that's not going to work for me
Me- well, I am well within my rights to refuse service, now if you would like to apologize and ask very nicely to my employee he may just serve you, if he decides to refuse then I will support his decision.
Through all of this a line has now started to form, and everybody in line got to watch her apologize and ask him to please help her. It was a fantastic sight to see. He did help her, but he told me that no one in his life had ever stood up for him like that.
TL;DR- made a racist customer apologize before she would be served.
I was walking to class in school and I was late and everyone was in class already. No idea how it happened but an empanada falls from the sky and his me in the head. I looked around and nobody was there who could have done it or see it. What the fuck.
Your S.O. doesn't let you wear white t-shirts out of fear of randomly falling empanadas? Are white t-shirts more comfortable than black, or blue?
<Try the gap. They still have brush cotton tees for men and women. I love it. It's so hard to find without a five hundred dollar designer tag attached these days.)
Deson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:39:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just waiting for someone to post a story about how they lost an Empanada while eating lunch at the top of a building.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:25:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
El Misterio de la Empanada Voladora.
Una novela inquietante que te mantendra al borde de tu asiento. No dejes de leerla!
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is so much funnier to me than it should be.. I can't stop laughing
I (briefly) told this in another thread but no one saw it.
I moved back into college, new roommate, new wonderful girlfriend, bunch of my friends transferred in. Great start to my Junior year. The only problem is that my floor is filled with a bunch of loud, drunken douchebags. Literally every weekend these guys are up until 4 or 5 in the morning making loud noises, groping women, and being obviously drunk.
So one weekend, my roommate is back out to his home about an hour and a half away from campus, spending time with his family. I decide I'll have my girlfriend spend the night. I also accidentally leave my door unlocked.
I wake up to the sound of running water and see someone standing by my roommate's bed. At first I assume it's just my roommate back early and pouring himself a cup of water. Then I remember he won't be back until tomorrow evening and notice this man is way too tall to be my roommate. I also notice he isn't pouring a drink, but pissing all over my roommate's bed. I walk over to him (I don't dare look down) and aks him what he's doing.
"I'm almost done"
"What, who are you?"
"I live here"
"..."
I end up forcibly shoving him out of my dorm. I investigate my roommate's bed. It's soaked and he peed all over the books my roommate left on the bed (which he rented). I call in campus security and they help take care of the mess.
I walk my girlfriend to her dorm, security takes care of everything, and by the time I go to bed they've caught the guy and he claims to have been sleepwalking. His friends told me he was drunk and that was his cover. He paid for the books and sheets he ruined. I moved to a different building three weeks later.
At least the guy paid for the stuff he ruined. Too often in these stories people are just dicks and dint take responsibility.
lattea ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:11:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As I was serving a female customer a 6 inch sandwich at work, the customer says, "That is definitely a 5 inch, I know what a 6 inch looks like." .... Well damn girl, okay.
One time, I took a massive shit in the public library and watched in horror as the water started to rise out of the toilet. At that point, I didn't know what to do, so I shut the door and ran out of the bathroom, then proceeded to hide behind some reference bookshelves for three hours until I knew it was safe to leave.
In retrospect, that was a fucking ridiculous reaction.
Setari ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:26:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I probably would have just left.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:35:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Happened in 5th grade: My old friend lived in a very shitty house. Picture a broken down trailer, and make that into a 3 bedroom apartment in the suburbs. His dad died a few years earlier from a heart attack in his sleep, and his mother was grouchy and what I can only picture as being depressed. One day our class was told by our teacher that his mother died of a heart attack in her sleep, and he moved away to his Uncle's. I never saw him again.
Aw man, this is probably going to get buried, but the absurdity of this situation just fully hit me a couple days ago and I've been wishing for a venue to share it.
A few weeks ago I went to visit my brother and I ended up getting really high with the son of the US ambassador to Fiji and laying on the couch for 45 minutes while he showed me a four part YouTube series of himself eating different kinds of dog biscuits.
The subtleties that made it weirder were that he actually filmed himself eating all the dog biscuits several years prior, so it wasn't exactly timely. He was just really excited about it. And he kept saying things like "Oh, this part is really good, watch this..." and doing that thing where he would say the next "line" in the video a second before he said it on-screen.
I just looked for them for quite a while but found nothing (aside from a lot of other people eating dog treats on YouTube). It was in four parts, each about ten minutes, and he had linked them on a now-archived Something Awful thread.
I had the awful responsibility of cleaning up the administrative mess of a high-rise condominium. Crime, mismanagement, fights, my home became a small war zone. People were desperate for leadership and they turned to me. They heard I ran a company, did management stuff, so I reluctantly volunteered to fix things.
In some instances, I know it was my leadership that solved some problems. In other instances, either there was someone helping me in the background or I was extremely lucky.
One evening I was cleaning up the glass from a vandalized window. A young fellow came in the door and asked what happened. I was tired, burned out, so I gave him a small story of my problems of trying to deal with the crime and losing the battle. He confessed that his two roommates stole a bench (used by the elderly in our building) from the first floor (we had to nail down all our furniture and stuff still went missing). The roommates proudly displayed it on their balcony. Our confessor was going to move out soon since he hated his roommates, and as long as we didn't rat him out, he would let us in his apartment to recover missing furniture. We evicted the roommates, no more missing furniture.
The other instance was a really mean couple that had a 30 year-old camper rotting in one of our parking spots. The rust was so bad it left a thick coat of rust around the vehicle and a diarrhea stream to the storm sewers. They refused to dispose of the camper, and administratively, I couldn't do much. There were screaming matches around the office, not only from the mean couple but from angry residents who wanted the camper gone. A few weeks later, the camper was gone. I received more screaming from the couple demanding to know where their camper went. I had no clue. A few hours later they found the camper next door behind the church, torn apart from the inside. Someone had taken a crowbar to it and tore out all the doors, appliances, everything. I had the pleasure of walking over and seeing the damage. It was undriveable and towed away as scrap. After eight months, my condo building was running smoothly. Crime diminished, residents were happier, and I brought in a better property manager. I developed a good reputation for fixing big problems.
I became president again 10 years later and cleaning up new messes. The mean couple still thinks I had something to do with the destruction of their camper, and they talk crap behind my back. Doesn't matter, they know not to mess with me or other things might get wrecked. (I am completely innocent)
There are many small stories, most of which I am not dying to tell. The situation 10 years ago was certainly interesting.
Regarding the vandalism, we knew who was breaking windows in the building. We went into panic mode when the power grid went down across the eastern United States and Canada. Expecting to not have power for a week and vandalism to skyrocket, our community rallied to help one another and to mitigate potential damage from our less desirable neighbors. At night, most of our emergency lights failed since we didn't maintain them. Our board of directors, myself, and a few volunteers patrolled the premises with flashlights and helped residents find their condos in the dark. Our vandal came home drunk that evening, and with utmost courtesy and a dozen flashlights, we gang-guided him into his condo. We posted two people down the hallway to watch his condo. They turned on the flashlights when he wanted to skulk about. Knowing that he was being watched, he ranted a few times, and finally stayed in his condo. Luckily, the power was restored 18 hours later.
A strange community-bonding experience for us. We were proud of our โgangingโ on the vandal, sending him the message that we knew he was the troublemaker and he was being watched closely. Eventually, the vandalism stopped when he was arrested for breaking and entering and his family was forced to move away.
It's a bit long for a reply, so here's the post I made about it a while ago when I was feeling nostalgic.
Summary: I lead a group of kids against strict teachers, then fought off a rebellion, all in Elementary School.
My writing isn't great but I get the story across fine. I would love for some people to hear it, but I haven't seen any threads that would make the story relevant, so I guess this is a good chance.
anu26 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:15:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a little too much to drink out at the bar and I was getting 86'd. Some mouthy customer at the bar had a crush on the bartender so he tried to fight me about it when I told her I had to take a leak first and then I'd leave. I told him to fuck off and went into the bathroom and started pissing in the urinal.
Next thing I know there's an angry voice outside the bathroom telling me to come out and leave the bar. The door to the bathroom was around a corner and I couldn't see who was yelling at me, so I assumed it was the fucking hero from a minute before. I yelled "fuck off" and was about to finish up when I get blindsided out of nowhere. Turns out it was a cop who had been doing foot patrol down the different bars and the bartender had stopped him to kick me out.
He didn't bother to identify himself or anything. Just yelled at me to get out from where I couldn't see him. Then came around the corner and up behind me...I didn't even get a peek at him since I was looking down at the pisser. He sucker punched me in the side of the head and tried to take me down with my dick still out. Made me piss all over my pants and we both hit the ground. I still thought it was the damn asshole from earlier so I started throwing elbows and shit. Got him a good one in the nose before I even figured out he was a cop...and we rolled on the ground for a second and when I rolled off him and got up I was already hitting him with the last bit of my piss stream when I finally got a look at who the fuck just attacked me.
He was not happy. He stood up and grabbed me by the neck and slammed me into a little divider wall that kept the toilets out of view of the entrance and I was pretty pissed that he just assaulted me, so I grabbed him and took him with me. We busted that fucking thing right off the wall and landed on top of it, traded a few punches and started into eachother. I stopped when his lady partner came in and started grabbing at me, I really didn't want to fight the cops that night I was only defending myself from an assault from nobody important and it went downhill from there. I let them cuff me and I stopped fighting all together, but the fucker was so pissed that I actually defended myself that he kept doing shit like slapping me around the head and twisting and pulling my arms and shit while they walked me out.
I ended up not getting in trouble because the fucker didn't even identify himself while he yelled at me from where I couldn't see him. And the additional abuse once I let them cuff me pretty much guaranteed that I was off the hook since there were a ton of witnesses once the fucking bathroom started getting smashed up and people started coming to see. I demanded to speak to his Sgt and told him why I was "assaulting police officers", when his partner admitted to the Sgt that she hadn't heard him say "Police" it was like fucking Christmas morning. I hope she did it because she knew it was the right thing to do, but it was most likely because there were a ton of people who could have heard the whole thing. I told them if I even had to see a judge about it the lawsuit would reflect my anger, so they just hauled me in and made me sleep it off in the drunk tank and called my mom to pick me up in the morning.
All in all, it was pretty a pretty shitty situation. I'd been a Security Guard for about 5 years at that point...I never would have even told the cops to fuck off, let alone start a brawl with them if they'd just identified themselves. But you can't take it back once you start throwing elbows at an unknown attacker. And the cops aren't too keen on giving you a chance to anyway, once they take one to the nose and get pissed on. I wish more people would know that sometimes "resisting arrest" and "assaulting an officer" really is the cop's fault.
Wow, that is a helluva story. Glad you got out of it all relatively intact. What country do you live in? Doing that here in the states would get you tasered and shot for good measure.
I worked for a locally owned company for about a year and a half when all of a sudden there started to be animosity forming between myself and the owner of the business. (He was a dick) After the typical crap kept going on and on, myself and two others at the business decided to quit and start our own competing business.
After we left the animosity turned to HATE. The owners would curse at us in public whenever they saw us in town, flip us off if they ever passed us in their cars...ect
About 6 months go by and each of our companies end up having a booth at a local event. I came over to their booth to make some small talk to the employees I had used to work with and it turns out they are having a "guess how many nuts are in the jar" type game. They ask me to throw in my guess and I laugh it off and say something to the effect of "like my name won't be thrown out anyway" They ask me again so I quickly jot down a guess and head back to my booth.
A week later I get a call telling me that I have won the item ($150 value) and to come down and pick it up. Turns out there were 4,850 nuts in the jar and I had guessed 4,855. I walked in, picked up the item to a lot of glares and stares and walked out with a smile on my face.
I didn't expect to come home to all that blood and broken glass.
After a Sunday afternoon of work, I came home to change and turn around to grade papers all night at a local 24-hour diner (I'm a grad student with another part-time job). My roommate was having some people over for a barbecue and wanted me to stay, but I had to decline. Nice guy, Iraq War vet (Marines), VA was putting him through a Masters program at the same school. Anyway, I couldn't stay. Felt a little bad, it was the night before Veteran's Day, and apparently the anniversary of the Marine Corps(?) -- he said something like that. But I couldn't stay.
Went at about 7pm to grade for the third evening that week. The late night waiters are getting to know me by now, and they all seem to know by now that I add $1/hr or so to whatever I thought a generous tip would have been. Finally pack up and leave around 5:30 -- I have class at 9:30; I can get a couple hours of sleep ant not be completely out of it. Just three or four more nights like this, and the papers will be done.
I'm pulling in to my apartment complex and see something like a dozen and a half police cars. Strange; I wonder what happened. Is that a news van? Huh. Turn to get to my parking spot, and look towards my apartment. The light is on. That's weird.
I climb the stairs and get closer, and I can see that my door is open. Closer, and it becomes clear that's a police officer standing right outside it. Closer, and that's definitely the remains of my window by his feet. Closer, and I'm pretty sure that's blood.
I sort of sheepishly ask what's going on. Can I get in? No. Can the officer get me my laptop out of my room, so I can have it at school the rest of the day? No, of course not. He's apparently waiting for a warrant so he can get in there himself. Is my roommate okay? He's alive. In the hospital, going to jail. "What happened?", I ask again.
The officer looks at me, then looks away, appears to be gathering thoughts. He finally takes a deep breath, and it comes out, "I'll just let you watch it on the news.". And that's it, that's all he can tell me, is that whatever happened inside my apartment put my roommate in the hospital and will be covered on the news.
I walk away from him towards the twenty or so officers downstairs in the road to see if one of them will tell me any more. I can hear one of their radios buzz that "the roommate" is here. I guess that's me. None of them will really tell me anything. I answer some questions for the detective. Was my roommate violent? No. Did he ever threaten anybody? Not that I had ever heard. Did he have any guns? "Yes, I know of one pistol he had that he had tried for a while to get a particular part for. Don't remember the brand, though". "Any other guns, long guns, anything?" "No, not that I know of". I leave him with contact info for me and he gives me his card. Make some calls -- er, send some texts, since it's still before six -- and...I guess I'll head to campus.
I tried to take a nap on the couch in my office, but that wasn't going to happen.
Within a few hours, details started to come out on the news and other places. It became clear why they didn't want to tell me anything: the officers had shot my roommate.
The following includes significant details that the police allege, which I did not witness myself. Not that I particularly doubt their account, but it, retellings of it, and some sparse details from neighbors [edit: are] all I have. Trial is still pending.
Apparently somebody -- nobody I've talked to has any idea who, other than "a friend" of his -- called 911 to say something like "$roommate$ is in trouble; he needs help; he's at $address$ \click" so they sent over a cop and a paramedic. Or two? I don't know. When they got there, my roommate was (allegedly) aiming a pistol at them with a laser sight thing. They retreat and call for backup. Officers arrive. He aims at them through the window. They shoot through the window, miss the roommate, hit the wall behind him. He retreats into the apartment, perhaps to load the gun. They hear shots from inside (there were a few bullet holes later in the floor, mirror, and wall of the bathroom). He leaves the bathroom and aims again. They shoot again. Hit, apparently in the shoulder. It becomes clear later that he moved around the apartment quite a bit after being hit. He eventually comes out, surrenders and is arrested. All this happened around 9pm, the night before veteran's day.
The officers involved may have done the right thing, but I feel like they could at least have thanked him first.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:03:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I worked with a stubborn aboriginal every day for a year. He was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when he was 50 but probably had it for most of his life. The standard of care for medicine among aboriginal Canadians is rather low. He spent 5 years being homeless and spent the rest of his life doing hard manual labor.
At the time he was doing just that, hard manual labor. We had the contract for clearing snow around government buildings and every single day regardless of snow we were working around the area. Every day I got to see him suffer standing up and sitting down.
As I got to know him I started digging into what was wrong.
The first big problem is everyone was enabling his poor behavior. Everyone working over him was using a return to homelessness as a reason to keep working these hard jobs. Everyone just treated his condition and his life style like it was normal instead of what it really was... horribly abnormal.
He was also using watered down medicine. Instead of going to a doctor and getting treatment he would use a lot of LeKota products. Everything was herbs, minerals, and vitamins. There was no plan for treatment and there was nothing he was doing right to stop the pain.
One day I asked him to see a doctor, that I'd set up the appointment, that I'd drive him and we would see where it goes.
The doctor was in shock by what he saw. Here is a guy who was living with the pain of rheumatoid arthritis for almost 30 years. He recommended medications, but they had the risk of destroying kidneys. This immediately turned him away from using this medication.
As the months passed the pain got worse and worse and worse. He was slowly moving to the point where he could not function anymore. He finally caved in. He went on longterm disability, started treatment, and now sits at home alone, miserable, and painless.
I call him once a week to make sure he hasn't hung himself.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:06:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My kids and girlfriend are coming home today, have only been away a few days. I'll be at work until after their bedtime, but when I get home I can look at them sleeping, maybe even stroke my hand through their hair and give them a kiss.
I love my kids. That is all.
So just recently my family was at a restaurant and this little girl next to us scooped all of the whipped cream on her dessert onto her mom's plate, then proceeded to take all the whipped cream off another dessert and put it back on hers. None of us is entirely sure what caused this exchange.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:31:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
little girl
None of us is entirely sure what caused this exchange.
You don't spend much time with small children do you? This is par for the course.
In eighth grade I was in a private school (K-12) that had two teachers, let's call them Mr. A and Mrs. C. They were married. Here's the short list of what they did to everyone:
They had too many students (~40) to keep control of; the police were called multiple times.
They arm barred a kid for speaking out of turn in class.
They allowed kids to be violent towards one another, as long as they weren't violent toward the teachers.
Everyone was forced to swim four miles (including the kindergarteners) in the ocean every month, rain or shine, brown tide, jellyfish, heavy waves, etc.
Only the kids that were self-pay got to lead tours and speak to the accreditors.
They wouldn't let a student use the bathroom and he shit his pants, and then they punished him for it.
They locked me in a supply closet without light for not telling the school district how great they were.
They had aggressive dogs in the school that they let chase me down the street.
They let a senior give me a concussion and then didn't treat it.
They let me fuck a kid up pretty badly and not do anything about it.
We went skiing on a school field trip and they made me go down a hill with a "r" shape and I didn't know how to turn. Going straight went to a hill with about a 75-degree angle. Nearly died that day.
EDIT ONE:
More anecdotes:
They had students cook twice a week. We had to eat what they made. Lots of fires and lots of raw poultry.
All essays were graded by peers. As you can probably expect, my English grade was shit.
A kindergartener attended our school. Her senior brother joined halfway through the year. One day he tried to kidnap her. They literally threw him out and called the cops.
They let an emotionally-disturbed deaf student walk across six lanes of traffic because he was "18 and could make his own decisions." He never came back.
EDIT TWO:
Even more tales from insanity:
They had a bunch of reptiles they let slowly starve to death.
The counselor's husband was in the FBI and I shit you not, he said Russia was a safe place to travel abroad.
The teachers would show up to your house if you misbehaved. Sometimes they coerced the parents into giving a student's things to them as punishment.
Disclaimer: I may have forgot things.
TL;DR: I went to a fucked up private school in 8th grade.
I had a similar experience in a private school in lower ontario. It was similar in the sense of violence, the shitty owners (ugh), however not food, as in Canada the children are not allowed to cook for other children raw meat...
...So that meant we ate anything a kid could make that didn't include meat or eggs. Holla for the undercooked "veggie mash" (see: raw onions, raw mushrooms, and somewhat cooked red peppers) that everyone got every wensday because the owner's son thought he was fucking gordon ramsay.
Well, yeah, obviously, it wont kill you, but it still sucked, and the portion size was abyssal.
Thankfully, the school was shut down after the parents got caught up in a huge drug scandal and the school got looked into and the kids got asked questions. I don't remember how much, but I know they're behind bars for a long time and they were fined an immense amount of money.
But man, just the living space, it was hell and terrifying at the same time. I can't say for sure, because I was never a target of, but I believe the owners would "hire" (see: say if they don't do it they'll get someone else to do it to them too) a kid to beat another kid to a pulp and give no punishment if they were acting out. I was silent, always away and hiding, so I never got targeted (since they preferred to beat on the littler kids anyways) and left after a year of it (because I only signed on for a year in the first place to finish up middleschool) and the year after the next they were shut down.
I'm going to call bullshit on this one. You said you went to a Southern California private school, but I can't really see this happening and nobody else finding out. Why didn't you tell your parents, or anyone else in that school tell their parents?
I told my parents, they told the district, school said everything was fine and that my parents were full of shit, the end. I was pulled out after a year, but the school didn't mak it easy.
By the time I realized I could have done something, the statute of limitations was two weeks away. After my parents found out what was happening, they tried to pull me out, but the school wanted their $55,000/yr from the district, so they fought it hard. My parents had to get a bunch of stuff revoked and made many sacrifices to get me out of there ASAP. Trust me, if I could go back in time, I'd sue their ass so hard, but there's nothing I can do now (also still a minor).
My mon talked with a lawyer in my junior year of HS, but there's nothing we could do. We didn't have the money to sue, so we tried and failed to find someone in time to do it pro bono.
Kubjorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...this is so batshit crazy that I can't disbelieve it. No one could possibly make this up.
Think a psych ward, but more crowded, less controlled. Absolute fucking chaos. There was more staff, but they were sort of like backup incase shit hit the fan to the extreme. Mr. A had a bat for dire situations.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was meant to be a school for kids that did drugs, or had trouble with the law. Things apparently started going downhill when they started accepting students with behavioral issues and mental disabilities. They had no ability to control them or help them, but they got their money so they went with it.
Jesus I thought my private school was bad with the child on child torture and constant indoctrination. That sounds like you went to straight up Mathilda school. Glad you were only stuck there one year.
Finally!!
When my father was in college down in Texas, he and his friend Eric used to drive waaay out into the boonies to this tiny little concrete shed near a cell tower on some weekend nights, where they would look at the stars and smoke weed. Now, their dorm had closing hours because Texas is stupid, so one night after seeing a movie they came back to the dorms and found themselves locked out for the night. It was about one am, so they decided that, despite their lack of weed, they would go chill and spend the night at their favorite spot in the middle of nowhere. It look them about an hour and a half to drive out there, on dusty backroads, and when they arrived they climbed up and watched satellites drift by. It was maybe three at this point, and they talked and dozed for a while before they decided it was too cold and they should just drive back and sleep in the dorm parking lot. They clambered back down off the concrete shed and got in the dusty car. Then, as they're starting the engine, Eric sighs.
"Shit man, I dropped my glasses."
Its pitch black out there, they have grass all around them, a forest to the right, and absolutely no way they're going to find a pair of glasses, but they have nothing better to do, so Eric gets out and starts slowly walking around, staring at the ground, while my dad, with the high beams on, turns the car in a slow circle.
And then, just like that, Eric is gone. My dad says he was in the headlights one minute, then stepped out of the beam of light, and suddenly he was nowhere in sight. My dad rolled down the window and called his name, swung the car around frantically, and honked his horn. Nothing. At first he thought it was a prank.
"Very funny, man, come on out." But as the minutes ticked by he started to get really fucking worried. He was waiting for about thirty minutes, too scared to get out of the car, but not wanting to leave Eric alone out there when Eric came booking it out of the forest in a dead sprint, covered in dirt, his eyes wild.
"GO GO GO!!!!" He screamed and he jumped in the car. My dad didn't ask any questions- he floored it, and they tore out of there, leaving a cloud of dust behind.
It was a while before Eric had calmed down enough to talk, but when he did, he revealed that he is the biggest idiot on earth.
While looking for his glasses, Eric had heard a faint, hoarse voice from the woods calling "help me.... heeelp meee...." Apparently that seemed like a thing he should check out without informing my dad, and he stepped into the tree line, looking around for the source of the calls.
The source leapt out of a tree and onto his back, hitting him with a stick. Eric played dead, and his attacker, a grimy man in tattered clothes, slowly dragged his prone form deeper into the forest, depositing him behind a bush. At this point, the creeper peered out of the trees, watching my father searching for Eric. He was hovering behind bushes, muttering to himself, and Eric finally came to his senses, chucked a branch at the guy, and sprinted for the car.
Back in the safety of the dorm parking lot, Eric and my dad were on an adrenaline rush, still going over the details of the attack and subsequent flight. The sun started to rise, and they got out of the car to see if the dorms were finally open.
When they stepped out they saw, in the dust on the back of the car, long finger marks sliding down the vehicle, as though someone had been trying to hold on to his prey.
No one else is calling bull shit on this one? Really? Love the story, well written and a page turner, but this is out of the Snopes.com Urban Legend 101 playbook. Pics or it didn't happen...
Alot of these are questionable. This story dosent even claim truth. It starts with, my dad. I just read it for for the story. Just because I enjoyed it dosent mean it was true.
I'm sorry that you don't believe me. It happened to my dad, so I have no way of proving it. I've met his friend, and they love to tell this story. Astonishingly I have no pictures.
This is just a little romanic story. So nothing special. But im 14 and we had our dance on Friday. We thought it was going to be awful but turned out really great. Theres this one girl, lets call her Sam, and Sam is a really cute girl who I like. I spend the entire night talking, taking pictures, not sure if you could call what I did dancing, but towards the end the slow songs started playing and I go to the porch area that leads to a patch of grass. Im strolling through when I see a person laying in the grass. It was Sam and you could tell she was crying. So what happened was some douchebag guys had pushed her down in the dirt and left her after they wouldn't dance with her. So I took of my jacket, got her up, and put it around her. We then just strolled and talked for a good hour and around the end when the moon was beautiful and the stars were out, we slow danced in a field and I had the best time of my life.
TLDR: Go to dance, crush is there, dance with crush in a field
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:50:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glad somone liked my story and no. I am thinking of asking her soon though. Any ideas?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:46:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, this may sound cliche as shit, but oh well. If y'all still have the dance things that the story talked about, next time one is coming ask her with something like "will you dance with me again, but this time as my girlfriend/date/whatever" or something like that. Sorry if it sounds stupid, it's 2 in the morning
So myself, my roommate and a few of our friends were throwing a Frisbee around outside of our dorm. My roommate, being the dumb ass he can be sometimes, throws the Frisbee on the roof of our 2 story dorm. (Small university, so small dorms.) My roommate and I then proceed to break into the maintenance closet in our dorm and use the ladder to go on the roof and get our Frisbee. My roommate then gets the bright idea to piss off of the roof. So we said fuck it. There were people walking around looking at us and here we are. Pissing off of the roof. I know some people have done crazier but damn, that was fun.
I was a chronic bed wetter up until I was about 12. On night I am sleeping over at a friends house and usually I would wear pull up diapers at night so I would not wet the bed. But when I slept over I would not wear it and take my chances. I ended peeing all over the couch I was sleeping on (this all took place at 7 AM). I was the first awake and took all my cloths off and shoved my underwear under a dresser. Put my shorts back on and ran home (only lived a few houses down). I get new change run back to my friends house. I played PS2 till he woke up and noticed the wet spot and could smell the urine. When I was confronted I ran home crying.
but1616 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:28:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So the fire alarm in my dorm goes off at 11pm because some drugged up douchebag on the 9th floor was messing around with a fire extinguisher. For the next 3 hours everyone is waiting in a building next door or outside as cops and school security personnel come in and out of the building without giving any info as to what's going on (they busted 5 people with possession). Im sitting in a chair playing a game on my phone while some drunk frat-bro is yelling about random shit and bragging about some concert his frat is hosting. Suddenly he says he'll fight anyone from the 9th floor for causing this clusterfuck. Right after he says this a pretty big black dude who's been quiet the whole time looks at him and says "I haven't had a good bout in a while". The look on the frat guy's face was priceless and he shut up real quick. Later on when a cop says we can go back to our rooms another quiet kid yaked all over the floor at the cops feet, and started laughing.
TLDR: College
A year and a half ago i met a girl at my work. She was dating someone. He was wrong for her. She knew it. And I could see it. Slowly over months we grew closer and closer. We got each others numbers and started hanging out a ton outside of work. Then one day, while she was still dating the other guy, we kissed...
I was the guy she cheated with. And we kept it up for three months. We talked about her leaving him but...she didn't. And then they'd get back together and I'd be hurt and she'd be hurt and it was awful. So I moved on. Then, one day she left him. And i went back to her..
We've been dating for 7 months now. She makes me better then I am and better then I thought I could ever be, more comfortable then I've ever been. She scares me and amazes me and makes feel like the luckiest person alive. I love her more then I can say. She is the most amazing person I have ever met.
I just needed to share the most important thing in my life with strangers. Just to have it set and be heard. Those of you who read it, thank you.
My dad's story, but it's a classic so I have to share it.
My dad dated a girl in his university days who has obsessed with cats. She owned one and she always payed more attention to her cat and showing her cat off whenever my dad visited at her place instead of paying attention to him.
Anyways, after a while of her obsessing over her cat my dad decided to head back to his place. She picked up her cat and walked to the door to say goodbye to him and said: "Wait! Before you go! Would you like to pet my pussy?"
In response my dad turned around and said: "Sure! But put the cat down first!"
Apparently her face turned to sheer disgust and she slammed the door in his face and that was the last time they ever spoke.
Once, when I was around 12 or 13 years old, something unexplainable happened to me. It was a typical New England blizzard outside and in the middle of the day. I went to the window and opened it up just to watch the snow fall and look into the blizzard. Then the most beautiful music I have ever heard started to play. It was classical music, yet unlike any I have ever heard before. It had an exotic, "colorful" sound to it, and reminded me almost of Rhapsody in Blue with its strange sounding trumpets. This was in the middle of the day during a whipping blizzard in a small suburban neighborhood, so I can't explain why it sounded like there was a full orchestra outside my window in the middle of a blizzard. I wish I had just gone outside to see the source of this hauntingly beautiful music, and I hope to experience it again someday.
Fascinating. I remember reading something about Nordic mythology believing that the gods would go on hunts during heavy blizzards. Pretty sure it was accompanied by music too.
So my brother lives in a somewhat seedy neighborhood. It isn't all that bad, but at night its a little sketchy.
This halloween he went to a party and one of his friends had decided to go as a pirate. He had decided to do this because he had a real sword and wanted to have an excuse to walk around with it. So they have a few drinks and are decently drunk when they decide to go buy some cigarettes at a nearby convienience store.
As they are walkin, a crackhead comes out of an alley and tries to get them to give him their beers. He's really forceful and after a while he starts threatening them, saying he'll break their hands if they don't give him the beer.
Not willing to give up his alcohol, my brother's friend drew his sword and charged the crackhead, sending him fleeing into the alley screaming
This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie 'The Graduate'. The girl, Summer Finn of Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing. Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story.
My grandfather was in the Army during world war 2. He was a medic and had been sent to the Philippines. Apparently he had been captured and had been put into a POW camp in the Philippines.
For the most part they treated him alright so long as he provided medical treatment to anyone who needed it. On the Emperor's Birthday the Japanese soldiers were having a small celebration, and decided to hand out Sushi for the day's rations to the prisoners. My grandfather didn't know what sushi was and took this as an insult that they would give him raw fish to eat.
Fast forward 40 or 50 years, and my grandfather is coming to visit my family. My parents decide to eat out, and as we're deciding what to eat, I ask if we can get Japanese food (at the time my favorite type of cuisine). Everyone says OK, but I think my grandfather was a bit upset at the choice.
We arrive at the restaurant, and order quite a bit of food as well as some sushi. When the sushi arrives my grandpa eyeballs it and ask the waiter exactly what it is he just served us. I can't remember the exact explanation the waiter gave, but as soon as the waiter was done my grandfather laughed for a good while. He hadn't realized the sushi they had given him at the POW camp was a gift of sorts.
He had spent most of his life with a grudge against Japan, but the realization that the Japanese soldiers had offered him and his fellow soldiers a token of kindness seemed to delight him. In the years that followed, I was actually encouraged by my grandfather to learn more about Japan, and he even took me on a trip there to visit several war museums.
TLDR: Grandpa was served sushi in a Japanese POW camp, thought it was an insult, and 40 years later realizes it was a gift.
Standing in line at Starbucks the other day. Hit it at just the wrong time, so the line was pretty long and moving really slowly (damn frappuchinos) and I was eavesdropping on the family behind me. Mom and two daughters, maybe 11 and 13, fairly preppy. The younger daughter was teasing the older one about her crush at school, specifically how lovey-dovey she was to him with gifts and nicknames and whatever. Anyway, turns out that the dude's name is Dylan, and little sis finally needles big sis into telling mom the cutesy nickname. Big sis gives in, and the nickname is... Dildo. I pretend to cough so they can't hear me laughing, and I can see the mom's embarrassed face out of the corner of my eye. She takes a deep breath, and then quietly explains to the two girls what a dildo is, big sis turns bright red, and then they awkwardly don't talk for the rest of the time in the line. It was glorious.
I never get to tell this story, because how often do dildos come up in regular conversation, but damn it was hilarious.
About 7 years ago when I was about 7 or 8 we had these old next door neighbors that always screamed at me and my friends when we played in the backyard because they wanted us to "get away from their fence". For some reason they had this crazy notion that if we touched their fence it would somehow collapse or some shit. The old man was the real wackjob; he was the one that would always scream at us, "GET AWAY FROM THE FENCE!!! Lucky for us, they eventually moved away to a different neighborhood. Anyway, one day me and my mom were driving by the cemetary where my grandpa is buried (we live only a few blocks away from it). My mom always slows down to see her father's grave. Just as we start to speed up again, we see a grave that read the name of the old man that always used to scream at us to get away from his fence. Ironically, his grave was right smack dab next to the fucking fence. So now whenever I pass by that cemetary, I scream "GET AWAY FROM THE FENCE!!!
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:25:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, we played this stupid game of saying a word, and one of our friends would say the first thing that came to mind. Well, one of my friends decided to be a smart ass and say "Sex" as the answer, regardless of what I said. Little did he know...I said the last name of our male gym teacher. The look on his face when he realized what that implied made my week.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:38:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but that was just a bad coincidence you had Mr. Cox for PE.
My freshman year of high school, I had a Manchester United drawstring bag which I used to carry clothes to gym class. One day, I wore my favorite shirt to gym. Later in the day, I had an engineering class in my school's woodshop room. I managed to lose the bag with my shirt and deodorant in it. I checked each locker and cabinet in the room and was unable to find it. I only went back once or twice throughout high school and never found it. In my senior year of high school, I was working a talent show-like competition in the auditorium. The back of the stage opened up to a hallway which had a door to the woodshop. I remember thinking how I lost the bag and I got a sudden feeling that I would find it in the woodshop if I looked. I thought it was crazy but I decided to look anyways. All of the lights were off so I went into the dark room using my phone as a light. There, sitting in the middle of the floor, was my bag. This was one of the most incredible things to happen in my entire life.
[deleted] ยท 946 points ยท Posted at 01:58:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There was this guy I met three years ago at a bar in downtown Reno. I was hanging out with a few of my friends- they were all getting shitfaced, but unfortunately, I was the designated driver. So I was just sitting there sipping on a glass of ice water. Then this Middle Eastern guy takes a seat next to me.
"Do you wanna see a really cool trick?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he was hitting on me or not, but I was bored off my ass, so I said sure. Then he snapped his fingers and my water turned into wine. "Jesus Christ!" I said. He grinned and said, "Yup, that's my name. And if you play your cards right, you'll be screaming it all night long. You want to get into heaven, you sexy little thing? Well, let me put it this way...the only way to The Father is through me."
I'm not gay, so I was feeling pretty awkward. But after a few shots of some holy spirits, I started to loosen up. And it dawned on me that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I would become the first person in human history to bone Jesus- who could pass that up?
So I abandoned my friends and went back to his place. He lit some candles and put on some Christmas carols to set the mood. After a few glasses of sacramental wine, I was ready to go. I tore his robes off and thrust my manhood inside him. The feeling was incredible- it was like fucking three people at the same time. "OH, ME!" he screamed in ecstasy. "I HAVEN'T BEEN NAILED THIS HARD SINCE THE CRUCIFIXION!"
I blew my load pretty quickly, but he wasn't done with me. He bent me over and whispered, "Are you ready to accept the body of Christ?" He didn't even wait for answer- he jammed his divine rod in my asshole and went to town. I was surprised at how fast he came-but then again, he hadn't gotten laid in 2,000 years, so I could see why.
Well, I thought he was finished. He rolled me over on my back and said, "Are you ready for the Second Coming?" and sprayed his holy seed all over my face.
I never got his number- he just told me to pray to the heavens if I was ever in the mood for a booty call. Still haven't heard back from him, though.
Methuga ยท 465 points ยท Posted at 02:45:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Still haven't heard back from him, though.
I wouldn't sweat it. Takes him three days to rise again.
I do; that's the nature of Reddit. However, I fail to understand how that's pertinent to my question. I'm asking how you can objectively prove that The_Horse_Yeller's comment already had a substantial number of upvotes when I posted the comment to which this entire chain relates?
This really isn't that confusing. I saw I'd gotten a reply (that's why my comment about notifications is relevant, I hope you understand now) and I looked at the vote count on Horse_Yeller's comment shortly after you posted your original comment, hence my reply.
I don't really feel the need to prove anything to you, and you're getting awfully defensive about something that is incredibly inconsequential. I'll explain again if you still don't understand, but it shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out.
Edit: rather I looked at the vote count shortly after whoever said that 'this won't be appreciated' posted their comment. Your comment wasn't the one which mattered here, so I'm not sure why you phrased it that way. I thought you were the guy I'd originally replied to. At any rate, this is one of the more asinine conversations I've ever had on reddit and I'm done with it.
I know, I just meant that I don't think they're going to be lost on most people considering the entire story basically revolves around the puns and allusions...
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to meet you on a quiet city corner; shyly ask you to dinner; slowly fall in love; then sacrifice your body to the god Quetzalcoatl atop Uxmal with a cold obsidian knife, holding your still pumping heart in my bloodstained hands as the golden sun burns upon my face.
Everybody knows that Jesus isn't a Middle Eastern guy. He has blue eyes, milky white skin, and kinda looks like Jim Caviezel. I mean the dude has pictures of him like everywhere. This story totally belongs on /r/thathappened
It started out as a comment I made on AskReddit. Then I made the comment into a greentext and posted it on /b/, then I screenshotted it and posted it on /r/4chan, and now I'm posting it again.
Punctuation would benefit your sentence. Also, this is reddit. Not everything with swears or dirty language garners a NSFW tag, grow the fuck up. Don't browse it at work or in front of little kids if you're so worried about that. As far as people who don't want to read anything obscene? This website THRIVES on obscene. Find a new website to browse.
I don't know if this is what you were looking for as a story.. But. It's my story.
I'm sad. All the time. Everyone thinks I'm fine and one of the happiest people they know. You know when you go to parties and there's that one girl who is the sexiest there and has a boat load of confidence and you're pretty sure every guy wants her at that moment. Everyone thinks that's me. I'm fine functioning when I'm in those situations. I'm not happy but I'm functioning. When I'm alone I literally just lay down and listen to music with no emotion. Everyone thinks I'm funny too. I'm funny because I'm depressed and uncomfortable so I try and make people laugh so they don't have time to think about how weird or ugly I am. I come up with scenarios in my head and I can't ever stop thinking about them. Like when someone says they like my top. All I think is "there saying that and then laughing at me behind my back." Every night when I come home after being "the eye of the party" I cry. I cry so much my eyes are always swollen in the morning. I self harm myself sometimes it's so stupid I'm stupid. I want to feel something and then I regret it.
On the outside my life is perfect. I just got a promotion and a great guy who is interested in me (I hope. He says he is but I feel like he's doing it out of pity or some shit like always) and people always tell me how lucky I am to be "beautiful and have a great body" what does that even mean?! It should all be personal preference. There isn't a normal pretty or a normal body. That pisses me off. The only reason people think I'm good looking is because I try not to eat too much and cover my face in make up.
On the inside I don't want to be me anymore. I don't even know who I am. I want to know who I am.
That's my story that I've wanted to tell... And never told anyone ever.
Seconding this. You should talk to someone, and if you don't feel there's someone in your personal life that could/would listen, there are plenty of professionals that can and will.
It's so worth doing. You, and everyone, deserves support and a chance to work things out.
2/2 Also, self harm isn't the way to go, and I hope you soon realize.
I'm an Internet stranger that probably lives hundreds of miles away from you, but here I am laying in bed thinking about you, caring. My ears are open to you if you'd like to talk about anything! Shoot me a PM. :)
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:02:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I can get dat dick wet.
Goddamn, we all know that's where that's fucking going anyway, god.
Try to focus on something purely separate from your physical existence and embodiment, it can be something as mundane as a tv show to start, just something other than how you appear to others. It can be a good coping mechanism for the real world. A goal or hobby that is external from the body is often the best respite from physical concerns. Seriously listen to u/OrderChaos too though
Kraynos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:25:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can relate to this more than most people will ever know.
losian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:52:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should seek help; beautiful people who are socially capable can still have just as much wrong under the surface that could be improved to make their lives better.
Find someone to talk to, find a way to be happier with who you are and see what works for you. You apparently can pass in a popular and attractive circle but that doesn't do a thing for you - find what does because it ain't that. Work on being happy with you. But seriously, if it's at all feasible, see about some therapy or something at least; give it a shot. At worst you end up right where you are already, at best things improve.
I, like others that have responded, think you should seek some professional help. Go to your doctor if you have one or a local clinic if you don't. In the meantime if you would like someone to speak with or even to be silent with send me a PM. I cannot feel what you feel but I can be with you, at least in spirit, while you feel it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:10:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is such typical depression, I know completely how you feel. I know this is the last thing you want to hear but please please take my word and see a doctor to put you on light anti depressants. It really makes the world of difference and makes life worth living again.
There is such a stigma around anti depressants, but think about this: if you were diabetic, you wouldn't even consider not taking insulin, right? It's just the obvious thing to do to survive. Depression is very often a chemical imbalance, just like diabetes. It can most of the time be fixed or helped with medication. Just give it a try!
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 08:05:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
anti depressants is not substance use. Medication in conjunction with therapy is usually the best course of action. It's very hard to reach out for help when you are feeling so low. Starting with medication as a first stepping stone will often help with therapy as well.
This.
I totally agree with you, I misread your first post. For me it was not clear, that you meant the use of anti depressants IN CONJUNCTION with a therapy.
(English is not my first language)
Your story is moving, and it sure sounds familiar. While I'm certainly never the sexiest guy in the room and I can't even fake the confidence, I certainly have felt like what you're describing. Probably lots of us here have, so know that you're not alone.
I suppose I have two suggestions for you, and neither of them are quick fixes to anything, but maybe you will resonate with them. The first is to surround yourself with people who love you for you. Even if you initially mistrust their intentions, you can't go through life without trusting anyone and when you do, sometimes you risk being hurt. But if you have people you trust, then let them know what's going on, and ask them to help you. No one clever ever said that we're supposed to be doing this life alone, and without help. So let people help you. (This means that you engage in uncomfortable conversations. And that's fine.)
The second is that it does get better. I have no idea how old you are, but with time you get to know yourself, and I hope you will learn to see your value. By that I mean that you can undoubtedly have a tremendous positive impact on those around you, and enhance the lives of those you interact with, especially if you try. And there is great good in that. Western culture sucks at helping you find a place you feel at home in. It's an individualistic mindset, when we as humans are so clearly meant to be relational. But with time, you'll figure it out.
So about ten months ago, I was in a shitty spot. I had just gone through the horrible crashing and burning end to another friendzone (probably about my sixth), and I decided to just stop trying.
I decided that the next girl I met, I would meet as just a friend.
I just stuck with my normal routine, with my normal group of friends, for just a couple of weeks. Then I decided to try and branch out. I started chatting on Facebook with a girl from my class that I barely knew, but she was really cool and liked many if the things that I do. Let's call her Rose. At one point, we would chat for almost the entire day, sending dumb messages back and forth, entertaining ourselves on those boring summer days. We had never really spoken at length in person before, so I then made the worst decision of that summer: I invited Rose to a Hunter Hayes concert. For those of you who don't know who he is just imagine a very hick, country version of pre-douchebag Justin Beiber. It was awful, but in the end we bonded over the fact that we were the only ones in our group that hated country pop music with a passion.
I then fell back on the one promise I made to myself: I asked her out. She kindly told me that she could not handle a relationship with anybody at the moment and that she was waiting until college. I played it off as being okay, and believe me, for once I was okay with the verdict. I was just happy that I had somebody who liked what I liked.
We nurtured our awkward little friendship. We quickly came to the realization that we both thought in very similar ways, we have extremely similar quirks, etc. But Rose still made her point every so often, usually saying things like, "I would be the worst girlfriend ever". It hurt, as if she were trying to make a point, yet I carried on. I wanted this friendship to work. I just wanted her to be in my life, one way or another.
The school year progressed and we grew in out friendship. We both fought through each other's struggles together. We listened to each other when we needed to vent. We loved each other like best friends should. And then one day, Rose was talking to me as she was on her way back home from holiday in California, and she told me that she wanted to see me right when they got back. I didn't think anything of it. But the next day, as we sat there poring over her hundreds of pictures from the trip, she just... started... warming up to me for some reason. She got close, she tangled her legs in mine, she held my hand. The night went on and Rose continued to do things like this. She lay on top of me as we watched The Walking Dead (romantic, right?). She pulled my arm across her chest. She played with my hands. And then, out of right field, she just turned over, kisses me, and said, "Congratulations, you're out of the friendzone. It only took you eight months... how did it take this long?" She lay back down across me and simply whispered, "You're a good guy, you know that?"
I am now in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful girl that I don't even come close to deserving. She is artistic, beautiful, and faithful. She loves me no matter what stupid shit I do.
I now look forward to going to college next year with this wonderful young woman. Things are in full swing and we are being careful, because we both know how important we are to each other.
TL;DR: It's possible, guys. I GOT OUT OF THE FUCKING FRIENDZONE.
Setari ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:19:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The "friend zone" is a place no self respecting man would go. I mean unless she really is just a girlfriend. That's a chick you really don't give a shit about. No feelings, no wanting to bang. If not, you say hi, chat it up, and bang it. Don't stick around because she wants to play games. Not worth the time.
She's worth it if she actually puts time into a friendship and cares about how you feel. And not everything is about sex. I have never had sex with my girlfriend and I'm fine with that, because our relationship is based on knowing each other as we are, not some stupid hormonal impulse.
Yea. Some relationships are plutonic. I I am aware of that. I do not have any relationships without sex. And I do not want a relationship without sex. I do have real girlfriends that I don't sleep with. But they are and always will be just friends.
Notice people complain about being "friendzoned." Their not complaining that they can't get that girl that dosent want to sleep with them. I'm saying that when you want something, don't settle for less. Don't let some hot piece of ass that dosent like you dictate the terms of the relationship. Get what you can then dip the fuck out.
Oh yeah, I totally agree. If she is simply using you for her emotional needs, GTFO. A lot of girls use guys only for emotional needs the same way some guys use girls only for sexual needs. It's fucking evil, that's what it is.
When I was about 10 years old and I got the go ahead to move off the main floor of our walkout ranch and started living in the basement bedroom. This room had no windows but a hallway door and a door that lead to "the shop" - what we called the power tool storage that then opened up to the backyard of the walkout ranch. I loved sleeping down there because it was nice and cool, had no windows and thus was pitch black when going to bed. There after shutting the lights off each night I quickly learned to navigate in the dark, refined my REM cycles and tuned my internal clock to only require 6 hrs sleep a night. Yes I slept like a hibernating honeybear. Except for one night.
.
There was no context to the dream that I was snapped out of. From nothingness to blackness my eyes plucked open straining to see what had captured my attention. And then I felt it there. It's presence. And I knew I had to get out. I was frantic and spilled over the edge of the bed fumbling along to wall looking for a door or a light switch anything to break the seal of darkness. My hands slapped along the painted walls like the sides of a smooth cave and all of it felt foreign to me. Where's the light? What's in here? Am I even 'here'? I tried to scream out but as I hard as I tried, no words escape my mouth, like they were being pulled back inside.
.
Flight instincts took off and I clawed along the baseboard of the wall away from the shop door and where it was. My head slammed into the wooden door that led to the hall and the pain was quickly overridden by hope as I spotted a sliver of dull light between the thick shag carpet and the door. My hand slid up the sanded wood and hand slipped over a cool polished metal handle. It turned but the latch held tight and the door just shuddered in its frame. I dipped my wrist and twist the cylinder the other way but the door didn't budge and it and I were still there, together. A nervous panic quickly tiptoed down my spine as my chin tucked and I stuck my right hand out in front of me, my only shield facing back into the darkness. A sharp pull caught the tip of my pinky and I thought it was over. At this a deeply engrained reflex initiated and my hand went back to the point of collision, grabbed ahold and flung it in the other direction. I was blinded in white and briefly considered that heaven did exist but then the everlasting light subsided and I was alone, sweating and naked in my room with blood running down my chin.
.
I don't know what happened that night, but logic tells me it was a night terror. However, I think I was abducted and was trying to escape from an alien ship after they put a microchip in my nostril. Now, from time to time it itches like crazy. At least that's the story I tell people when they catch me picking my nose... TL;DR: - Got abducted by aliens and sometimes I pick my nose. I can't explain either without the other and it all may just have been a bad dream.
When I was in sixth grade, my family finally upgraded from living in an apartment to living in a house. My dad finally had the chance to grow a beautiful garden of his own- except, the previous owner did not take care of the backyard at all, and thus, the backyard was filled with weeds and dead grass. He and I spent a good month trying to fix the backyard with our bare hands, but there was just TOO MUCH weed and dead stuff. I burned out quickly, but this didn't stop my dad.
When he called me out to the backyard one day, I saw my dad standing on the dead grass field with a tank of gasoline in hand.
I asked him what the gasoline was for, and he responded, "we're going to burn all the weeds and dead stuff down so it can be used as fertilizer for the good stuff. Slash-and-burn agriculture. It's what your grandpa did in Korea." Being in sixth grade and completely trusting in my dad, I agreed to help and happily dosed the entire backyard with gasoline. My dad then lit a match, and set the backyard on fire.
I have to admit, I felt a bit like a pyromaniac. There was some kind of beauty in the dead grass slowly being burnt to a crisp- and so my dad and I watched with some sort of fixed intent.
Eventually, we started to hear fire truck sirens from far away. I told my dad, "Goodness, someone from the retirement home must have fallen down again!" I KID YOU NOT I genuinely believed this. It was not until both of us heard the fire truck from the front of our house that I realized that something was terribly wrong. But before I collected myself a bunch of firefighters busted our backyard gate open and rushed in, going, "WHERE'S THE FIRE???!!!"
Now that I think about it, the firefighters must have been pretty shocked, seeing half of an Asian family happily watching their backyard burn down. My dad was also pretty shocked, and so he shoved me to the front, stating that HE NO SPEAK ENGRISH and that I should try to bullshit my way out of this.
Thus, I explained to the firefighters that we were instigating "slash-and-burn agriculture"... the firefighters sighed, told us that this was strictly illegal, slapped us a fine, and left. I stood there kind of dazed- my innocent trust in my dad was left shattered.
...To this day, my dad's excuse for that day is, "It's legal in Korea. I promise."
DUDE this is an asian thing!! My grandma suggested we do something similar in my dad's backyard when she was visiting and then my father started the small fire and there was a small stream of smoke but not like billowing or anything since we weren't setting our backyard on fire. from the side of the house I see a car pass our house- man inside peers through the side into the backyard and screeches to a halt and reverses immediately.
He barges through our fence and demands to know what we are doing. We explain and he informs us that it's not allowed in our neighborhood either (I guess this is illegal like pretty much in all residential neighborhoods?). He didn't call the cops/neighborhood housing association/fire station, but he was PISSED. like damn, sorry we didn't know... I kind of felt bad for my dad because he had to resolve the situation and my grandma didn't speak english either so it's not like she could say this is a tradition/agriculture strategy of sorts that's been passed down... awkward.
Married. Friends with other couple. I'm (husband 1) better friends with the wife of that couple. Absolutely above board, no funny stuff. Find out after ten years that her husband is insanely jealous of our friendship.
He saw that I texted her one night cuz she left her phone at home. I had no idea it was a secret. After that night we don't see then for a month, six weeks maybe. When we do see them, on her birthday (also 1 yr anniversary of another friends passing), she mysteriously has to go in next day To get a fracture in her jaw fixed up. Also that night, her husband decides that his daughter needs to be pulled her hair for being too shy to ask a bartender change the pinball machine.
I raise a red flag with my wife and another woman, asking them to maybe reach out to her see what's up the jaw thing. They all think I'm crazy.
A year later, they are divorcing, both kids bruised, her damaged physically, emotionally. My wife, other wives think she's crazy, have broken off friendship, convinced she's cheating, on drugs, just escaping.
the woman always gets blamed... even by other women.. it's a shame. yeah from his POV it's pretty obvious.
Mikmoo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:13:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I CAUGHT A SQUIRREL WITH MY BARE HANDS! Seriously! I was so proud of myself (and still am) that I put it on my resume just to have an excuse to talk about it more.
Jaq1908 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:16:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My father is a child molester. Thereโs really no good way to put that.
When I was about 9, after years of abuse, he started to make me look at child pornography; there was one particular set of photos that disturbed me more than the others. I remember thinking that the boy in these pictures looked just like my older brother when he was younger, and that the man molesting him looked remarkably like my Grandfather. I filed this away though, mostly due to fear and confusion, and because my father seemed to only be interested in little girls, not boys. Years later, well into my twenties, I finally came out about the abuse (which my father denied even after being convicted for sexual abuse of other girls). Not terribly long after that my brother came to my sister (who was also abused by our father) and me to tell us, in secret, that he was molested by our grandfather. Instantly those pictures assaulted me once more but I couldn't bring myself to say anything, still canโt. See, my brother still has a relationship with my father, loves him, and desperately wants to believe that he is not the terrible man that I and so many girls know him to be. I love my brother dearly and donโt want to dredge up bad memories, he wants to have a dad and I can understand the appeal of pretending.
It picks at me to this day though that he doesn't realize my father knew what was happening to him, possibly participated, it breaks my heart so but I know it would break his even moreโฆ.
Yikes, sounds like some heavy stuff. Very brave of you to share this with anyone, thank you. Have you ever delved into this with a professional therapist?
Jaq1908 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:33:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, doing my best not to be ashamed anymore though it is rough. I had a wonderful therapist for quite some time, ultimately he agreed with me that it would serve no real purpose bringing it up to my brother since he has moved on and is in a happy place with a wonderful life/family.
I can't see hiding this doing anything other than harm considering how much of a monster your father is. I realize your therapist advised you not to bring it up, but often with families of abuse it is vital to lay everything out on the table. Letting something this horrible fester can only do harm down the line or even open your brother up to being exploited or manipulated later on. That said, congratulations on getting into counseling. You are breaking the cycle.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:04:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a sophomore in high school, I lived in Germany. What that means is that we high schoolers had clear access to many great places that many people only dream to see in their lives. We were a lucky few. So how did we spend our time in Europe? Well a plan was devised to have the once in a lifetime trip of our lives without our parents' knowledge. So early one brisk spring's morning, my friends and I set out to a land of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness: Amsterdam. We spent a long weekend drinking and smoking pot in the Netherlands. Now that I moved back to the states, I can't tell this story because they'll think I'm a tool who brags about Europe. And to an extent, I kind of am. But I recommend going to Europe to everyone if they can afford it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Europe is pretty cool. I do not understand why anyone would feel you are a tool for describing a cool experience.
Sure, not everyone can go to Europe, but it is not your fault. Some people just gotta start being happy for other people instead of always being jealous.
Jealousy just hurts both parties. I for one think that it is fantastic you had fun in Amsterdam!
I lived in France / Germany for five years. Just came back about a year ago. Having spent so much time there, I've begun to really feel like an asshole, having to start all of my stories off with: "When I was in France...." or: "This one time, in Italy/Germany/etc..."
People think you're trying to one up them, when you aren't. The story just doesn't make any sense without the context.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Currently doing college in Germany (military base). Traveling in general is amazing.
Was a junior in college at the time. Recently out of a relationship but now had this mutual friends with benefits deal with a girl. One night it got particularly intense. She's laying down and I grab her by the waist. I forcefully pull her toward me and she head-butts me right in the eye. We start cracking up laughing how ridiculous that was, but finish up and go to bed.
Wake up the next day with the worst black eye I have ever seen. Tell everyone I got in a fight. The shame.
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather have gotten a black eye from a fuckbuddy rather than my younger brother... and a cut on my cheek from his fist. Working at a gas station, everyone was just like, 'lol you suck'.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:03:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never. Also, this was like five months ago and I've walked that bike path a million times since without seeing anything weird.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:08:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On a school trip to Rome I masturbated in the bathroom of St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican.
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Even though the priests were right there?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Even then I was probably a bit old to be in danger but you know, If I can help a priest to relieve some of the inevitable sexual frustration that comes with a vow of celibacy by doing something I was going to do anyway, it would be wrong not to.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:26:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:43:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
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Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry to hear, man. Love can be tough, and when it doesn't work it can feel like the end of the world. It's not--but that doesn't change how it feels.
Try to focus on good things in your life. You said you have a passion for tech--that's good. Not everyone has a passion, and even fewer can make a living from it.
As for Marianne, if it was meant to be, it would be. Maybe it will again. Or if not, maybe it's meant to be with someone else. Just focus on being the best version of yourself, and someone is going to appreciate that eventually.
If you really like her, then you should try your hardest to get with her because if someone else makes her develop feelings for them, then you'll probably regret it. She likes you right? So there's no real reason to get nervous.
I started smoking cigarettes at a young age which meant that there was always a chance I could be rejected when attempting to purchase them. But hell, it was 1994 and I was 14 so it's not like it is today (tobacco free for over two years now BTW).
My mom took me to Chicago for a convention that was being held at the hotel we were also staying in. She was busy, so I took the opportunity to score a pack at the hotel gift shop.
Back then, cigarettes were stocked out in the open, so I grabbed a pack (and other miscellaneous items for effect) and casually proceeded to checkout.
The young man at the counter, who was clearly from some African nation, wanted to chat while he rang up my items. He was incredibly nice and very charming, so I smiled and tried not to act nervous while he slowly scanned my items. I'm just waiting for my total so I can pay him and run away with my sweet, sweet smokes.
As I'm paying, he asks, "do you like to cuddle?" My 14 year-old brain had no answer for this question and I was still too antsy about getting away with my purchase; I took my bag of goods and awkwardly left the store with some dumbass look on my face, no doubt. I had my cigarettes, but now I also had a strange hotel employee I had to avoid for the rest of the weekend.
So, I told this story to a few people over the years until one time it hit me as I'm saying the quote aloud:
"Do you like to cuddle?" = "Do you like Chicago?"
Poor guy probably had no idea why the hell that stupid little white girl got all weird and left mid conversation. Yes, a bit insignificant in the grand scope of 'things to dwell on', but man, somehow I'm still embarrassed.
TL;DR
Misunderstanding due to heavy foreign accent, and smoking is obnoxious on many levels.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:45:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have been waiting for a creep askreddit to pop up but this will do. I was about 12 and I was on vacation with my family, one of the last ones before a disastrous trip to Canada that put the kibosh on family outings for several years. We usually frequented the same locales a small cabin our family owned or some other place up in the U.P. (Michigander here) so going camping for a week in Ohio was fairly special.
We had borrowed one of those pop up campers. The close proximity usually caused us to be at each others throats in a matter of hours but this time we were able to find a good rhythm and we were having a good time sitting around the campgrounds talking and eating. We were in a fairly small campground and there was a man in a tent next to us but he was the only one in the immediate area.
The weather was fairly crappy we were getting rained on every half hour or so we stayed at the campground almost the entire week. We chatted to the guy a bit just small talk and he had said his wife was sick in his tent. His tent was pretty big it was one of those that could fit 5-6. We never seen his wife which we didn't think anything of at the time since he said she was ill.
When we would cook dinner it would be hotdogs or some instant food that we could cook in the camper, our family was never very adventurous when it came to camp cooking. The one thing we always joked about was the sheer amount of food the guy next to us would make. He would have this heaping mound of hamburger patties and that was it. No chips or buns and he would take them into his tent to eat. He was a fairly thin man so we always joked his wife must be huge.
We packed up towards the end of the week and headed home. I don't remember exactly when it happened it was I think after getting settled back in at home that we realized we had not seen that guys wife once the whole time we were there. Sick or not she would have needed to go to the outhouses that were at the campground. And we kind of all had the same thought, the guy had killed and cooked up his wife.
We have no idea what happened for sure, it's a creepy story we share from time to time. I can tell you the amount of meat that guy cooked was insane, it was something you would see at a barbecue.
Awesome story, I've had a number of weird people like that as campsite neighbors at national parks. One family I met in Zion would go out in the morning looking for last night's roadkill so they could skin it. Mormons are strange sometimes.
It is not a story i have been dying to tell, but rather a story that seemed easy enough to tell on internet.
It is one of my earliest memories, and i guess i remember it pretty well because kids are impressionable and it was pretty big event, or at-least felt like more important than anything that had ever happened or could ever happen, at the time.
I was about 6 years old, in the city of Bhopal, on the date later i deduced was December 7, 1992. At the time however, it was just another day where i got up in the morning, was promptly dressed and dropped at my school in old bhopal by my dad. As he was leaving, he looked me in the eyes and told me to be careful and especially listen and follow any instructions my teachers at the school give me. I probably nodded absent mindedly and ran off to the assembly. The first few periods went as expected, or must have gone as expected as i don't even remember them.
The excitement started a little before breakfast break, or soon after it (breakfast bein at 10:15am), i don't really remember, what i do remember is that the teacher got a paper note, and looked startled. She then told us to stay in our seats and that she would be right back. I think she was gone for about 5 minutes, when being the little show off I was, i got up and walked towards the class door, stopped, looked at the class and mentioned something along the lines - "if we are not studying i might as well go use the restroom", and then walked out. I have since grown up and learnt to toe the line.
As i walked along the corridor, it seemed the school was in some sort of disarray, i saw that all the students in the wing across from ours were outside their classes and rushing out with teachers directing them. It seemed that they were leaving! I for one did not have any intention of being caught by the teachers when i was told not to leave my seat, so i quickly bolted from the corridor before anyone could see me. Down the stairs i went, took a sharp right, and ended up in the deserted looking corridor. This was not of my favorite corridors as the kids here were older, though i had managed to make a couple of older friends who i had met on previous excursions here. As i strolled along i noticed that this corridor/classrooms were completely empty, as if everyone vanished in the middle of the school day! Smiling at being alone here for the first time, i decided to use the restroom in this wing.
I think about maybe after 10-15 minutes i decided i should head back, i did not want to be in serious trouble with the teacher, so i made my way back to my classroom. Though when i got back it was completely empty. So was the whole wing, and other wings. At this point i was rather anxious and surprised as to where everyone had disappeared. I decided that the best course of action was to go to the courtyard where we have assembly. I went to my classroom, packed my school bag and ran to the courtyard. I estimated years later retracing my steps that it would have taken me about 30 minutes from the time i left my classroom to me getting to the courtyard. If they were already at the tail end of the evacuation then that is a pretty long time. As luck would have had it, i saw my father, out of breath, rushing towards the courtyard. Before i could say anything, he picked me up, shouted - "Where were you!!", and ran outside before i could respond. He then threw me in the passenger side of the car, got in the car and looked me in the eyes and said in a very serious voice - "There is a mob coming, and they are not very far from here, maybe even 3-4 kilometers, he told me that they are cleansing the area, meaning they will kill me and they will kill you, if they catch us. But they are never going to catch us, because you will stick with me, and you will listen to me and do exactly what you are told. No questions, you are a man now and must act like one".
So there I was, ordering some Chinese takeout when the lady serving me asks if I want 'flied lice' and without thinking I replied 'Yesh preash'.
I immediately realised I couldn't return.
Warning, this story rambles considerably, 90% of it is me reminiscing an incredibly interesing night and 100% of it is useless information. But then again, it's reddit. This isn't a tree fiddy.
I'm not a drinker, well not anymore. Both of my parents are alcoholics, and I tried to drink casually for awhile but I always was the guy who lost his pants and regretted himself in the morning so i stopped.
I went to a house warming party with, lets call her "flying squirrel". Well Flying Squirrel and I were hanging out the whole night, she was sisters with one of the party throwers and we were planning on staying the night with half of the people there since she was my ride and I was her company.
30 minutes after we get there, the hottest man I've ever laid eyes on walks into the room. The sun was just going down and gave him a bit of an aura, right when he was pulling off his sunglasses. He had a flower in his hand and a white button up shirt that was open enough to show a bit of chest hair. I later find out he is Bolivian, Getting a PHD in genetics and was probably 3x as smart and 20x as hot as I would ever be. Let's call him "Sexy chest".
After some of the older people left, thats when the party started getting a bit crazy. I walked outside for a cigarette and come back inside to see people on the top of chairs and tables triple fisting and double fisting drinks. To each their own right? Flying Squirrel at this point was loosening up, and so she came out for a smoke with me after a bit more drinking and started confiding to me in that drunken way that only makes sense if you understand the situation somewhat already.
Flying squirrels sister and her sisters roommates were all teachers The roommates were already drunk before I got there and they didn't stop drinking and kept up with everyone else.
Now to the meat of the story: Nothing good ever happens after 2:00am. Flying squirrel and her sister go upstairs, I go up there with sexy chest right behind me and theyre bawling their eyes out, I grab them water and give them both hugs. I go back downstairs to grab a water for myself I turn around and see the drunkest girl at the party saying she's ready to go home. She was supposed to stay there that night and said she lived 10 minutes away and she was planning on driving there.
I could be an asshole and not say anything and let her go, everyone else was so drunk they didnt even give a fuck. I'm not an asshole though so I told her she shouldn't drive anywhere.
More useless context: The number of Dui's in that room was incredibly high. Not everyone had one, but the amount of them just shocked me since I never was around people who would drive home drunk.
I kept her busy for a bit by asking her a few questions that she could talk about for a bit then I asked her about her car and what her keys looked like making up an excuse that I really like cars and I heard the car she had something cool on it (I don't know grasping at straws here but it worked out). She stumbles across the room to her purse grabs it, slurs something incomprehensible and digs into her purse for keys and hands them to me, I said thanks and told her I'll be holding onto these in the morning. She got mad.
I turn to find sexy chest, he was pretty drunk way too drunk to drive but yet he was still able to have an intelligent conversation with me. He wasn't there.
I look outside and there he is and he said he thinks his car got towed. Shit. He was worried, he had a performance car and tow companies won't always be as gentle as they need to be when it comes to towing expensive vehicles. I find the tow place for the area and we give them a call. It's a flat rate and not hourly so he would be fine to pick it up in the morning. Flying squirrel comes down, i give her a smoke and she sucks it down with red puffy cheeks. Flying squirrels sister comes out and says I need to give her the keys back or the girl is gonna call the cops. I told her if she wants to call the cops she can, but it's not gonna be like the cops wouldn't side with me. We ask if her husband would pick her up she starts bawling her eyes out. We all look at eachother and didn't understand. She walks outside and one of the drunken teachers followers her. She comes back in says she called her mom to pick her up and get her to her house while still saying she was fine the whole time. She waits outside for 15 minutes comes back inside and sits down infront of the door and falls flat on her back. Now at this point if no one believed me that she was incredibly unfit to drive then their minds were changed. She was still upset at me, but I told her, you can hate me tonight, you can hate me tomorrow, but one day you'll look back at this night, realize what I did was right.
After her mother came and picked her up We sit in their living room, and get ready for bed, the couch was for a guy with braces the rooms were taken already so me and Flying squirrel had the futon. She talks to me about the situation a bit more and I give her encouragement. We fall asleep and wake up in the morning drop off sexy chest to the tow truck, and just at the point where I didn't think that man could get any hotter, he pulls out of the towing place with a sleek black car, aviators on his head and that millionaire smile showing pearly whites.
I probably won't see anyone again except flying squirrel and her sister, but that night made me feel secure about my decision to never drink again, if I wasn't on top of things, people couldve gotten hurt of killed, friends would have been saddened and strangers would have woken up to being in an Ashton Kutcher knock off of "Dude, wheres my Car?"
I can't drink, but I can be a friend to those who need one.
Tl;dr: A fun housewarming party turns sour as 3 different problems arise. Jdacheifs0, being the only sober person left, is the only person left to help ensure people's problems are met with solutions.
I didn't think it was rambling at all, you've got a way with words. How old were you when you made the decision to stop drinking? I'm starting to think I might end up going the same route you've chosen. Sobriety is underrated.
This is a bit of an ongoing drama for me, and some new info was mentioned to me today and I've been itching to vent about it.
NOTE: Office place romances are supposed to be avoided, but where I work, everyone dates a coworker at some point. People throw pretty massive parties almost every week, so there's a lot of booze and sex that complicates everything.
Back in October, one of my good female friends at work began dating another coworker I had never met (big department). After a month, she dumped him since he was treating her like a piece of property and was talking to other women. Between the breakup and January, the dude (we'll call him Sean) did some major sleeping around and developed a piss poor reputation among many of the employees. I met him several times during this period and each time I walked away thinking how arrogant and narcissistic the guy was. According to my friend (his ex), he picked up on what I thought of him, and started trash talking me on occasion (I don't give a shit what he thinks, I'm technically his boss).
In January, I began dating another lovely coworker (ooooh, forbidden love), and of course the guy immediately begins bugging (in a friendly manner) the girl once he finds out. He invited her to a house party that month, and being the sweetheart that she is, the girl (now my girlfriend of 4 months) goes, but tells me to show up as soon as I'm off of work (I wasn't invited). When I got to the party, mostly everyone's hammered, including Sean. I don't have anything to drink, I'm just there to make sure my girlfriend gets home safely and that Sean keeps his distance. The day after the party, my girlfriend tells me how before I arrived, Sean handed her a shot and told her he'd be waiting in his room for a "birthday suprise" (knowing that her and I are dating at this point). Naturally, she dumped the shot out and left him waiting on his bed.
A couple of weeks later, one of my employees began asking coworkers about Sean; any history, exes, etc. I told her about my experiences with the guy, how he treated my friend poorly, womanized, and just generally acted like a Grade A douche. Several other coworkers told her similar stories, and that she should avoid Sean. Unfortunately, people either love or hate Sean. He's apparently quite an interesting guy that's pretty fun to be around, so people tend to overlook his douchey nature since he's "the party guy". Turns out, my employee and Sean had already gone on a few dates, but after hearing what we all had to say about the guy, she called things off with him. When she was explaining to Sean how she had heard about his terrible reputation, my name was somehow brought up, and Sean immediately focused on it. So now, the guy entirely blames me for ruining his chances with this girl, despite many other people saying similar things about him.
He had a few other parties after the girl called it quits with him, inviting both my girlfriend and my friend (his ex), but specifically telling them I wasn't allowed to come (Oh no, I'm so offended -_-).
Fast forward to two weeks ago, I'm a work party for a buddy with my girlfriend, when Sean shows up. Sean immediately begins trying to "eye fuck" my girlfriend, which I don't really appreciate, considering I'm three feet away from her. I saw him try to hit on her a few times (which she shut down hard each time), and me in my very-intoxicated state got pretty feisty. I loudly joked (maybe only half-joked, I'm usually a happy drunk, I'm not sure why I was in a mood that night) to some friends that I would punch him in the face if I saw him look at her again, and of course Sean heard me.
Sean's been approaching my girlfriend at work for the past two weeks now, beginning every conversation with "Hey, are you and ___ still dating"? Yup. Then he starts his usual routine of bad pickup lines and shitty flirting attempts.
Today he walked up to my girlfriend and told her that since I joked about punching him, him and I should "throw down". Much chest puffing and alpha-male'ing ensued according to my girlfriend. He claims that I'm a coward since I never make eye contact with the guy. Which is true, I don't. I have no need, he's not directly my employee or any of my concern. The guy sounds a tad obsessive if he's constantly checking to see if I'm looking at him. The guy honestly believes that I want to fight him, and that it would solve all of our problems.
My girlfriend told me to check the guy's twitter to see how crazed the guy is, and sure enough, there's several tweets about me and my girlfriend. Stuff along the lines of "I think it's cool to hope my crush's relationship fails so I can swoop in" and "I'm just lying in wait for this guy to mess up so I can claim his girl".
So now my girlfriend and I are dealing with a masochistic, chest-pounding douche who wants to kick my ass. I need to confront Sean to hopefully stop him from harassing my girlfriend.
TL;DR: Pissed off a stereotypical "Bro" by spoiling his potential relationship, now he's obsessing over my girlfriend unless I fight him. I'm taking the high road and acting like a mature adult, trying to figure out a way to stop a douche from behaving like a neanderthal.
I think he's more interested in you NOT fighting so you look like a coward. And he only wants your girlfriend because he can't have her. Continue ignoring him and don't play his games or sink to his level.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A new girl started to work at my job a few months ago and I've fallen hard for her. We have a lot of similarities and interest -- but she is not interested in me in the slightest bit. I can't do anything except think about her and feel this strong sense of disappointment that we don't/won't have a deeper relationship than just friends. The worst part of it all is that I have to see her on a daily basis and I can't ignore her.
I was 18 and on my own for the first time. I was renting a bed in a house on the beach in Hawaii. I was just doing some handyman work to pay the bills and taking a couple classes at a nearby university. Guys were on the bottom floor of the house and girls were on the floor above us.
Well, it turns out one of the girls was really cute. I tried to get to know her. Spent time talking with her and her room mates. We never really got close because she was a full time student and I was working a lot, but I saw her and talked to her pretty much every day as we were coming and going from the apartment. This lasted about 4 months.
So fast forward. It was my last day in Hawaii, I had my suitcases packed and I went upstairs to say goodbye to her. I hadn't told her I was leaving yet. So I knocked on her door and she answered. I could see there was a guy inside, and she told me it was a bad time and asked if I could come back later. I said "oh, um... sure..." and walked away as she closed the door. I then walked down stairs and grabbed my suitcases and left.
I don't know why, but it was a really life-changing and important moment to me to be moving, and she just brushed it off and told me to come back later, even though I knew there would never be another chance.
Now, over a decade later, I don't know why this moment stood out to me so much. I guess it makes me think, what are other "last moments" that I have with people. I don't want to miss out on those moments like she did.
Unfortunately, some people are only interested in being friends with you on a very superficial level.
Setari ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 09:41:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think a lot of people have things like this that they think about every day. Don't feel so bad about it, some women are just sluts. (Read: most to all women.)
I've posted this elsewhere, but it's the best I got.
This kid I went to high school with--his name was Michael Jones-- "off" didn't describe Michael. Deeply emotionally disturbed is more the moniker; And, I assure you that if you read this wall of text you'll be well treated to an emotional roller coaster.
I met him in study hall of my junior year. He was sitting at a table behind me; reading a book with an oddly-large font size. He called out to me, asking me for a pen in a very monotone voice, and began walking over before I could respond and just h held his hand out, with a very sure expectance.
Little did either of us know that this was about to start a shit-show.
"I can read your aura..." He says to me.
So from what I'd collected thus far, I could tell the kid has a few screws loose, but hey, even in HS I wasn't a complete asshat, and being rather depressed myself, I decided to spit into the wind, and participate in my own abuse... So, I gave him the pen and asked him what my aura color was.
He looked serious, but in a seriously doofy way-- as if he was almost sure that there was no one around, and he was just pretending that people were there... No eye contact ever... Whatever the case, he approached me, put both hands on either side of my head and went into a "trance" state.
Wtf.jpg
As he comes out of the "trance," he pretended to speak in tongues or something of that nature, and told me my aura was green.
As he went to sit back down, It became apparent that everyone had been staring at these events (a good 60 people), everyone-- including the group of skater/punk kids, whom were setting 2 tables behind the table where Mike sat, who themselves were always looking for trouble.
Those punk kids started heckling him after that (I wasn't about to get on cray cray's bad side, as I had no idea what he was capable of); it started innocently enough, asking him to read their auras while they mocked him. Then it turned into throwing paper at him, and over the weeks; pens; paperclip-launchers, etc. this went on for weeks...
But first a preface to the events that will unfold...
So, as an aside, I had this friend-- call him "Matt"-- whom just days after this first incident of aura reading, started to date this girl whom-- come to find out-- babysat this 17 year old boy Mike from my school. "How weird" I thought; "wonder if it's the same kid?!?"
A few days later were driving her to her babysitting job/thing. And when we get to the address and pull up: there in all of his grandeur, is Mike-- butt-fucking-naked and jacking off in the driveway at 4pm on a Tuesday.
This is just another Tuesday for this kid.
So Sarah got out of the car and carried him, still furiously punching his clown into the house while he stared at the ground. The house holy god, the house-- it's like if you wanted to make a Michael Meyers like character, you'd foster him in such a clusterfuck... I had a seriously uneasy feeling about this house.
I later pointed out, when we had a second to talk in private-- after the kid stopped hitting the walls in his room-- I made mention that he had the only room with bars in the windows and outside of them. Now-- don't get it twisted-- this is important: there was fucking chicken wire in the glass, and bars on his window...
that was when I was queued into information by the babysitter that disturbed me to the core, and when I realized that this kid was the perfect storm :
As my friends girlfriend explained, a year earlier the family's cat went missing one night, and it was realized in the morning. Upon inspection mike had severe scratches/bites on his genitals, legs, crotch, the cat could not be found and there was a freshly turned plot of earth under the shade tree in the back of the yard.
This was all overwhelming, to say the least, but what made it disturbing is that the new cat had this really bad walking posture, almost as if it were the old pedophile from family guys' dog. It also had a tendency to just shrivel and shake when you went to pet it...
Sooooo anyways, flash forward a few months. The punk kids are at it again in study hall-- teasing Mike and such. When all of a sudden, one of those skater kids walks up to Mike and takes a huge rubber band, and snaps him, right on the back of the neck.
Mike finally lost it
However, somewhere in his mind Mike knew that they'd beat his ass; so instead of acting beyond his means, he proceeded to charge a kameha-meha and stood there seething in rage, pretending as if he were collecting a malevolent power-- this went on for a solid 2-3 minutes... 2-3 of the most cringeworthy minutes I've ever seen or heard anyone describe hence. After some time of him standing there completely tense a teacher finally came up and escorted him out...
Okay so another story:
After all of this shit transpired I was talking to my friends girlfriend (henceforth referred to as "Sarah"), and I was asking what had been done about him, and that clearly he wasn't stable-- like "why the fuck is he allowed to be in public?"
She told me about the basics of his life: parents were huge coke-heads, and momma "Jones" was blowin' snow a LOT when she was carrying him... So born as a coke baby, raised by junkies, and completely off his rocker, this kid grew up in and out of psychiatric care; he carried a clear PVC backpack, wasn't allowed anything but regular #2 pencils, and when he came home he had to be searched for weapons or anything that could be used as a weapon, or anything that he had stolen that day.
His room was (iirc) ~10'x10' and was a mattress in the corner of he room and a closet with the doors taken off so that nothing could be hidden. He wasn't even allowed clothes in his vicinity.
Why so many precautions? one may ask...
Once, when he was eleven he'd lit a dog on fire when he was left alone and allowed out of his room, by dumping rubbing alcohol on it, holding it down and igniting it with matches. He was burned badly; The dog had to be euthanized.
He would actively seek to go outside and masturbate in public (this happened countless times before strict rules were enforced); he would try to kill anything he could find and hide-- squirrels, lizards, neighborhood cats... he was also a compulsive liar-- I was explicitly told by everyone "never ever believe him-- anything he says is a lie, just remember that, and keep a level head..."
So apropos of these events, when he'd come home, he would have to be strip searched-- literally-- spread the cheeks and everything, by either his father, mother or Sarah. This was by recommendation of a psychiatrist.
He would go months without showering, and several times, he had to be stripped in their garage and forcibly washed like a car...
After this was all dropped on me, I was essentially inducted into a position to keep an eye on the kid by the lot of them, which is where my observance comes in, in the story that follows:
Mike and I had gym together, and on this day we walked the 1/4 track... He'd said "hi" to me after role call-- in his monotone, nasally voice-- not unlike any other day, and walked by himself. I got to talking with some friends and forgot about him. That is: until I realized that he wasn't on the track
"fuck how long has it been? I haven't had an eye on him in 20 minutes![...] These teachers don't know this kid!" I thought at the time
So I went up to my teacher and asked to use the restroom...
"As soon as {reads clipboard} 'Mr. jones' comes back you can go..."she replied
She paused in concern, looked at her watch, and muttered audibly: "he's been out for 15 minutes..."
"Sweet titty-fucking idiots!" I thought, so I proclaimed my urgency as an emergency, and ran towards the locker rooms, which was a short jaunt away. Once I got inside, there was a hushed commotion; I went in expecting maybe a few people from other classes of something, but I could tell it was a frenzied sort of commotion.. I thought I had the jump on him, when in my sleuthing I'd noticed a locker had been left open.
As I inspected the locker to see if maybe it had been Mike tampering with it, I noted that the lockers contents looked like a "thuggish" persons belongings. I, however, continued to be vigilant, and tryed to keep my location under wraps. Though, to no avail, the door to the track opened and someone (read:Mike) ran outside...I begrudgingly went and took a piss, and then walked back, having given up on catching him... When I got back; lo and behold-- there he was; walking along, had down with an angry look on his face, looking as dodgy as ever...
I let it all slide for the time...
Class period came and went, and at the end of the period I kept track of whose locker it had been. The kid who had been using the locker, raised his hand and made it known that someone had stolen his gold chain.
The teacher searched everyone's stuff, including Mikes, but remember-- this kid was used to being strip searched between his cheeks on the daily, so I'm sure he found a way to get it out somehow... I told his sitter, and that day when he got home he was searched even more thoroughly. Found one if his books hollowed out, but no chain...
So, now it's three days later, and it's lunchtime. I was walking with my then girlfriend, when I noticed a commotion on the other side of our expansive courtyard; a circle of people jumping around and holding their hands up to their face/ looking to their peers in shock and awe, etc. so I think it's a fight and go over to check it out...
Q: Guess who the fuck is front-n-center?
A: Did you guess Mike?
If you did you were right.
Cause it was Mike.
So there he was-- in his red shirt that he wore almost everyday, his unkept shoes with the Velcro's so frayed that they're not even functional, and his Officer Doofy bowl-cut, and-- what's that?!?
He has on a gold-god-damned-chain.
I broke off from my girlfriend, and went to confront him, but then-- like a tidal wave what was happening actually hit me:
he was in a rap battle.
&gt; Holy_whatthefuck.png
I stepped back to watch what was to unfold as one of the most awkward, shameful expressions of humankind, that mankind has ever had to witness.
I can't tell you exactly what he was "talk-rhyming" about, but I can tell you that the last part went like this (iirc):
&gt;roses is red and them violets are blue; baby I'm mike; don't be blue[...]" (not kidding; it was this to a T)
there was more, but honestly it's been like 10 years so I'm a bit hazy on details. I can say this though: as he rounded it out, he rehashed N*Sync's tag line from their song "Bye bye bye," complete with that threefold hand movement they did in the video when they did the hook. He then motioned for room to be made, and did this weird half-assed power slide on the concrete fucked his knee up and fell on his face.
Finally as he finished, he walked away with blood dripping all over his legs through his torn jeans, leaving a crowd of kids; their emotions twisted, and faces that looked a mixture of shock and amazement.
I motioned for an administrator to come, knowing that if one saw him they'd pull him aside.
The concern on that mans face was palpable, and he took Mike to the office. I followed paces behind, and caught the dean outside of his office. I told him what I knew and what I had seen, with Mike stealing that kids chain, and how he hurt himself.
Mike went away for 3 months.
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:46:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The first concert I ever went to was Aerosmith with Lenny Kravitz opening. After he played, Lenny was walking around the stadium with just a huge crowd on him. I was lucky enough to see him kinda walk by, I go in for a selfie with my disposable camera, and feel an arm around my shoulder. "Let's get this picture man" I heard a voice say. Turn around and he's got his arm around me taking my camera and winding it up. We take a selfie as I'm starstruck as hell and he moves on. Probably my favorite concert moment.
About 12 years ago, I was in university and dating this girl. Or so I thought. She friendzoned me about 3 weeks before Xmas when I confessed my undying love for her.
Added to that, my family were all taking off for a family trip and I couldn't afford to go. My Mom offered to pay for me but I didn't want a hand out. I just made out I was struggling with my course and had to stay put.
So it was three days before Xmas that I knew I'd be spending alone and was fairly miserable. My coin operated electricity meter was empty and I had about ยฃ20 tops to take me through to the new year. All my uni mates had gone home, there was only me, in an empty house with a rat problem feeling utterly like shit. I was even making it a big deal to walk to the super market, read the TV listings and decide if it was enough to warrant putting money in the meter that night or not. I spent most of my days in the university library which had closing hours over Xmas. I hated having to go home to a completely unheated rat infested house and living on 20p beans I'd stocked up on previously.
When the uni library closed, I decided randomly to go for a walk around London. Being miserable, I hadn't shaved or washed in a few days. I was sat on a bench and some woman started speaking to me. She first asked how long I had been out here. I didn't get what she meant and just replied a while and was just walking around. I wasn't until she told me that there was a soup kitchen for homeless people nearby and I should go get in from the cold that I realized she thought I was homeless. But, I was starving and she gave me a ยฃ5 note and went with it. In truth, I was starving. But it was also an eerie insight to see how the homeless in London really were and almost felt bad that technically I wasn't even homeless. I just looked it.
I came back the next day properly shaven and washed (I put money in the eleccy meter for the purpose). I asked the guy running it if he needed help. I spent the next four days (including Xmas Day and Boxing Day) washing up and occasionally serving out.
Someone I vaguely knew on my university course saw me when I was out on a smoke break. I just admitted to them that I was working there over the holidays. I didn't really think anything of it at the time.
In the new semester, when I came back everyone was telling me I was a champ and was a super awesome bloke, made a lot of friends practically overnight. The girl that friendzoned me even kinda took a little interest. (I did fuck that up again before you get hopeful, I told her I still loved her and all that pathetic shit).
But I never once let on that the main reason I worked in the soup kitchen was I felt guilty about eating there when I wasn't homeless and that it was a lot warmer than my house and I really had nothing else to do.
OK, part of me enjoyed it, the people working there were quite fun, if a little serious when the conversation got to the subject of governments and politics. And some of the homeless did scare me a little. I was young.
I was picking up some snacks for a movie night one afternoon, and the store I was in had one of those self checkout lines. So I am standing in line behind this woman, and she keeps turning and looking at me kind of out of the corner of her eye. After the 4th/5th time, I got weirded out enough that I spoke up. "Can I help you" I asked her. Her reaction was kind of like she was surprised I noticed this rando creepin me, and apologized. She said I just look exactly like her son. I let out a kind of awkward chuckle, and said something like "lucky guy, haha" or something similar. She then told me he had passed away a few months prior, and that's what had freaked her out so much. I felt like a huge ass after my "lucky guy" comment, and gave my condolences. She turned around, and started scanning her groceries, and as she was she said, "this might sound crazy, but it would mean the world to me if when I am leaving you could just give me a little wave, and say 'bye mom', unknown it's weird, but you look so much like him, it would make me so happy, if just for a moment." How could I refuse, especially after my foot-in-mouth "lucky guy" comment. So sure enough she leaves and turns back to me, and I wave and say, "bye mom" and she smiles and walks out.
I proceed to scan my chips, dip and 12pk of coke, feeling like a total hero, when I see Total: $97.47!!! I call the attendant and ask why the total was so high for what should cost me MAX 12 bucks! She says, "oh, well your mom told me that you were gonna pay for her groceries."
I lose my mind! "That lying bitch," I think as I run out of the store after her. I see her hauling her shit into the back of her car, and when she sees me she runs into her car and starts it.
I rip the door open and try to get her out of the car, so I start pulling her leg... Just like I'm pulling yours now.
Xgenius ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:08:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ZackSam ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:54:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
While I was studying abroad this past semester, I decided to go to a few destinations in Italy, the first being Florence. Beautiful city, but me being the adult-kid that I am wanted some herb. Very badly.
That night my friends and I end up hanging out with some other abroad students who were studying in Florence and I asked where I could acquire some marijuana. One guy tells me Piazza Croce is the place to go. After everyone is ready to go home, I decide to pay this place a visit, alone.
Piazza Croce certainly was not the place to be, barely dealer in sight and for the few that were there, they were only selling hasheesh. I didn't want any of that. I'm trying to communicate I don't want any of this in Spanish because I don't know a lick of Italian. They won't budge so I ask some locals where I can find what I'm looking for - Piazza Ambrogio. Perfect.
I walk to the Piazza to find a nice-sized crowd drinking in the streets - cool. After looking around for a few minutes I notice a guy walking up to people and talking them up. Bingo - that's my man. He mentions some steep prices, so I immediately let him know I'm not going over 30 euros. He says he'll talk to his guy.
About 10 minutes pass and this guy tells me to follow them. I follow them for about a minute before they tell me to wait again. Red flag, but whatever. 10 minutes pass and they tell me to follow again. The first guy I talked to tells me to wait about a car's length away from him and his connect - a group of 4 other guys. Red flags are waving, but I'm so close.
So this first guy I talked to comes up to me with a poorly wrapped entire hand-full of weed and states his price. Hell no - I want half. We make the deal and I knew I was kinda ripped off but whatever. It was what I came for and I got it. After our exchange, I cross the street so that the buildings are on my right side and I start inspecting the product a but closer, but not obviously. Just 20 or so steps after making the deal I'm up against the wall and there's a death grip on my hand holding the substance.
There's this man flashing a police badge in my face, yelling "POLICIA. POLICIA." Not wanting to get arrested or lose what I've worked so hard to get, I say "Es una mentira." (It's a lie.) He keeps yelling "Policia" at me and I'm not having it. He surprsingly lets me inspect his badge which was in a dirty plastic case with some poorly written paperwork behind it (not that I could have understood much of it). I look him up and down and he's not wearing a uniform at all and the fact that he has me up against a wall is shady to start with.
After trying to get the attention of passers by to no avail, I decide I need to get out of there. Since he was roughing me up a bit, I exclaimed, "LA POLICIA NO HACE ESTO!" (The police don't do this!) This catches him off guard, so I take the chance to push him away and take off. I lose almost half of the weed because he had a death grip on my hand and he attempts to sweep my legs out from under me, causing me to almost run headfirst into a truck. Thankfully I recovered and ran as fast as I could until I was back in Piazza Croce.
After calming down, I took a look at myself: a little bit of skin ripped off of my fingers from his grip, a nice-sized cut on my leg from the sweeping kick, and way less bud than I paid. I fell for a classic set-up.
TL;DR - Went to Florence, Italy. Wanted weed. Almost got scammed by a fake police officer and accomplices.
I must first explain that I am an older American punk rocker dude (30 or so at the time of this story) who never really grew up and wore (not as much anymore) a crazy spiked leather jacket and when Iโd put up my brightly colored mohawk itโd be at least a foot tall. Had it most of my life. That has led to so many great encounters with strangers. I love meeting people, and at least 95% of interactions have been positive. I have answered the same 5 or so questions thousands of times (e.g., how do you get it to do that?! And my favorite: how long is it when itโs down? My response: the same length. I dunno what else to say to that one, haha).
On to the story. I am fairly adventurous and love to travel to new cities or towns just to do random things. One trip I went to Birmingham, Alabama. I actually had one event planned: to go to the Civil Rights Institute. Dr. King is one of my heroes. Other than that, I was open to whatever happens. I leave my cheap hotel fairly early in the morning, but I decided to put my hair up. I often donโt in new places, because I tend to end up in some questionable areas sometimes, so itโs better to blend (as much as a tall dude with a bright mohawk can โblendโ when itโs down). But for some reason I decided to put it up this day. I get to the Institute and am buying my ticket at the outside window when this guy comes around the corner and stops with a surprised but happy look on his face. Iโd get that a lot. I canโt remember if I spoke first, but he said, โMy kids would love to get a picture with you!โ This has happened countless times. Iโm almost always happy to oblige. Itโs fun. I say, โSure!โ I was in the middle of buying a ticket so I said Iโd come around before I went in. Iโm imagining a couple of kids and they will have a great picture moment, and that will be that. I come around the corner and there was a huge yellow school bus with DOZENS of 3rd graders seeing me and screaming with excitement. I hear the teacher guy on the microphone saying that โthe cool hair guy is going to let us take a picture!โ more โYAAAAAAYs!โ It was like the biggest celebrity came to see them. I know Iโm already locked into this thing, so Iโm waving and smiling and theyโre just eating it up. As I get closer this SEA of children pour out of the bus and surround me and they were so excited. They were asking me all kinds of questions, saying โthatโs so cool!โ etc.
But then I realize that theyโre there for an important learning experience (civil rights), so I start asking them in a teacherly way, โWhat did you come to learn about today?โ โCivil rights!โ theyโd yell in unison. โWhoโs an important civil rights leader?โ Responding again in unison, โDr. Martin Luther King!โ It was so great. Thenโฆ one kid asked me if she could touch it. People would ask this, and if they werenโt dicks about it, Iโd say cool. But sometimes Iโd say no, and they would get either sad or angry. But they were having such a good time. I said, โokay, but gently.โ My bad. These kids went freaking NUTS. That sea of children I mentioned turned into sharks. They were jumping over each other to get at it, and all the while Iโm saying โgently! Like petting a bunny!โ It was the only thing I could think of, because I was laughing so hard. I look over at the teacher and he is dying laughing. He wanted to help, but he saw the absolute joy and chaos of the moment and couldnโt do anything, but he finally said, โOkay, kids. Letโs get our picture with the nice man and let him get on with his day.โ They complied and we took several shots finding silly poses and the like. Then I realized weโd all be going into the Institute together. I had some interaction here and there, but they all were well behaved and everyone, including me, realized why they were there in the first place.
It was just an amazing time to have this bus full of African-American kids see a crazy looking white dude like me at the Civil Rights Institute and have such a fun interaction. I hope I had a lasting impact on their lives, because they certainly had one on mine. That was years ago and I still think about it with so much appreciation. <p.s., I have lost all pics from this day, but I keep hoping theyโll turn up. If by some miniscule chance the teacher sees this, then let me know. Iโd love to have a picture of this day.>
I always get asked what's the worst thing I've ever seen. I've seen a lot of depressing shit so I always respond by telling them about the time I delivered a baby in my internship.
We get a call at about 11 at night for a woman in labor. Most of the time these turn out to be false contractions or someone who's not even close to delivering. We show up in a pretty crappy neighborhood and walk into the bathroom to find a 29 year old lady on her back with her knees bent up. This lady is probably a drug addict, has had no prenatal care, no prenatal vitamins, has not seen a doctor, and only found out she was pregnant a couple weeks ago. Its her third time being pregnant.
I step over and take a look, and see the baby's head. I quickly grab our OB kit, open it, and watch as all the supplies inside go flying all across the room. Damn it...
So I kneel over and she says that she has to push so I get ready to deliver the kid. NOW, one of the things we are taught to do is to put pressure on the perineum (taint.) This prevents the vagina from tearing during delivery. I go to do this, miss, and accidentally stuck my thumb in her butthole. I quickly recover (I don't think she even noticed) and delivered a baby girl.
The baby came out perfect, and it was easily the greatest moment in my ems career. However, that is how I got the nickname 'Thumbmaster' and also how I had to throw away my first watch as a medic.
I won a stripping contest at a gay bar by being drunk.
So in our area one of the only bars that's open to 18 and up is a gay bar. So alot of college girls go there to dance because it's the only place they can get in. There was a stripping contest one night and my friend thought it would be fun to try out. I got black out drunk because there was a drink special going on.
All I remember was that I won $100 from a stripping contest. Turns out they called my friend's name (who has the same first name as me) and I tripped onto the stage visibly hammered. When the music started playing I just stood there in awe until a transvestite undressed me to my underwear. The contest was graded based on cheering and the crowd loved me. I won and ate a burger. I woke up thinking I actually killed the competition until my friends told me. I feel bad for all the contestents who actually put in alot of effort and danced their hearts out, but $100 is $100.
TL;DR, Black out drunk won $100 dollar stripping contest at a gay club by being stripped by a tranny.
When I was 15 I did something that I would regret for the rest of my life. The crazy thing was, It was almost 2 weeks before my birthday when it all happened.
I was hanging around with the wrong type of people. These people I was hanging out with, who I just recently met, did not care about the future and are focused on the present. They smoke , drink alcohol , and did drugs. I was young and didn't know what I was getting myself into.
One day , a group of us was bored and didn't know what to do. Most of the people was riding their bikes and they was planing to ride around. For the people who didn't have a bike we wanted one to tag along. So we decided to beat up people and take their bikes.
As we was looking around for potential victims , we saw a guy riding his bike home and he got in front of his house. We suddenly jump into action, being kinda new to the group , I wanted to show that I can hang around these people and that I can be tough. So I ran up first and hit first. The guy had his bicycle U lock in his hand and when I hit him , it smashes into his head. He was leaking bad. At least 6 other people followed up and also hit him.
I took the bike and rode it to our chill spot at the park. A couple minutes later, we see police everywhere. I dropped the bike and everybody ran in different directions.
Everyone got away from the police , except for me. I was also wearing slippers that day and I really couldn't get far. The police caught me a couple blocks down and they seen the blood on my pants from the guys when the bike U lock hit him in the head. I was arrested for the very first time.I was scared for my life.
How do you tell your mom , you're arrested for commuting a crime ? You couldn't . It was hard breaking the news to her. When she came to pick me up , her face was in tears. I told myself never to do anything like that again and to think before I do anything.
The police gave me a court date to see the judge. The judge gave me 6 months of probation and a medical bill for 4,300. I was lucky enough that my parents paid it off for me. And I promised to paid them back every cent. Because if they didn't pay for it, i would have been in placement for a couple years. That was 4 years ago now I graduated high school and a freshmen in college and I'm also working to pay off the money. So far I paid my patents back $1000 just $3,250 more to go. Overall I learned my lesson to not hang around the wrong people and to think before I do something. This experience also made me a better person, it taught me discipline , to respect other people's property they work hard for it, and most importantly to be kind to one another. Everybody has problems in their life , let's not make it worse for them.
This is a story of how I sunk into a depression, and then how the words of an old man who I thought I'd never see again helped me get better. It's quite long, but I think people will be interested and also shocked at some of the stuff that happened. I hope that reading it helps people who may have been in my position.
So 8 years ago, I was 9 years old when I got scouted to play football for the local (academy) team. This was serious. I turned up to the stadium feeling more nervous than I ever had in my life, because there were literally thousands of boys my age there. I thought 'how will they ever pick me out of all these boys?' But I went through with it. I don't actually remember how well I played, but I must have done well because at the end I was approached and told to come to training for the squad. I didn't realise at first, but I had made it! I was one of twelve boys my age that they had chosen out of thousands, I was one of the 12 best footballers in my county.
Fast forward three years, and I've turned from a weak 9 year old into a complete machine. You need to understand I was signed by a proper football team, their academy system wanted to produce players which could actually play for their first team when they were old enough. Everyone in our team had enough raw talent - or we wouldn't be there. What they needed from us was to be physically excellent as well. So they put us through intense physical training programmes. We trained 4 times a week, 2 hours each session. Now that I look back at it I realise how horrific it was, they made us run and run and run, sometimes we puked from exhaustion, sometimes we fainted, sometimes both. But we believed it was necessary, so we forced ourselves to carry on, because we all had the dream pretty much every boy has of becoming a professional footballer.
As well as the intense physical training - the laps, the sprints, the sit ups and push ups, the 1 minute-planks, we had to do mental training also. I mean, we literally used to sit there, a group of 12 year olds, saying/thinking to ourselves over and over 'I am the best, I am the fastest, I am the strongest'. This is what our coaches told us to do, they told us that to be the best, we had to believe we were the best.
Fast forward another two years, I'm still there, I've managed to keep my spot for 6 years, and it shows. My legs are huge, I felt like I could break bricks, I had a six pack even when I wasnt tensing, I had pecks, broad shoulders, a firm butt, I had everything you would expect after 6 years of a strict physical training system - I was more than a footballer, I was an athlete. I could have run 100m in 11 seconds, jogged back to you and done it again, all at the age of 15. I was at the peak of my physical fitness... and then they released me. Yep. The reason? They found someone better, and that's what hurt the most. He wasn't as fit as me, but man, when he had the ball at his feet he was magical. And I was pushed aside, just like that. 6 years gone. Thousands of hours of training, thousands of pounds worth of petrol, multiple tours around Europe.. all meaningless in just one day. And here I was, left with nothing but this ridiculous, freakish body which I no longer had any use for.
When I got home that night, something died in me. For the next two years, I went into auto-pilot mode. I went to school, I did my homework, I came home and slept. There was no joy, no anything. My athlete's body soon wasted away. My legs turned to fat, my arms became weak, my shoulders sagged and my posture turned bad. I started to put on weight, and did not touch a football for 2 years. I fell into a depression, all I felt was lonely and sad - until last week.
Last week my friend said 'hey, why don't you come pre-season training tonight... it could be fun'. I said 'ok' even though I knew I wouldn't go, and he knew it also. But when I got home I watched a world cup game and all of a sudden I got this hunger to kick a ball.. for the first time in what felt like forever.
So I go to the pre season training of my local team, and meet someone there I thought I'd never see again. I'll call him B, and he was a physio at my old team which I had been released from. He saw me and recognised me, and walked over. He was a little old man, shorter than me, stern-looking, but I knew him to be kind. He looked me up and down and said 'What happened to you, lad?'
I said 'I kind of... haven't done anything since I got released.'
At once he seemed to understand, and he beckoned me to come and sit with him on a bench.
the following speech from B is what dragged me out of my depression and turned my life around
'I remember when I first saw you,' he said, 'you were 9, and small and scared. I knew you were good just by watching your trial, and I knew what they would do to you. What they do to young kids at that place is wrong. Do you know why I quit?' I shook my head. 'I quit because 2 months ago, a young lad was being forced to run laps, just like you were. He fainted and vomited, and I had to clear the sick from his throat to stop him from choking. When he woke, the coach told him he still had two laps to run. I said to the coach "No, this lad's run his race, I'm taking him in". So I saved this lad, then I quit, because I couldn't believe that if I wasn't there, they still would have made him run after he near enough died.'
He took a breath and this point, looked out at the sky, then continued:' 'Out of the thousands of kids I saw pass through that system, you were one of the best I ever saw. It hurt me to see you go, son. Remember when you bruised your ankle so bad you couldn't walk? It was me who patched you up. And when you pulled your wee hammy? It was me who carried you off the pitch, it was me who made you better. And then they released you, just like that. Like I said, you were one of the best, but not the best. The best was a boy called Jamie, he was taller than you, but not as muscly. I could stand over there' he said, gesturing to a tree 40 yards away, ' and he could ping a ball to me so sweetly I could catch it in my hands without moving. He was a different class. And they released him.'
'What? Why?' I asked
At this point he looked me in the eye and said 'Son, I've been asking myself the same question for 20 years. But do you get my point? They make bad decisions all the time. That doesn't mean you should stop playing the game you love! Look around you, what do you see? You see a pitch, with two goals and a ball. Yeah, it may not be as grand or as well kept as it was back there, but you can still play and enjoy yerself. Now, you come back here twice a week for two hours, and I'll be here. I'll help you get fit again, I will not turn you back into the machine you once were, but I'll damn well make you fit enough to play. Boy would I like to see you play again. Now come on, I'm a busy man.'
I felt so much better, I felt like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time... Why had it taken me so long to realise? They hadn't released me, I had finally released myself from them! I stood up with a grin on my face, and before he left I asked him,
'What happened to Jamie?'
B turned to me with a smile,
'I'm glad you asked, Jamie never touched a ball again in his life, but he's married with two kids, and you'd be hard pushed to find a happier man alive.'
With this, I shook B's hand and turned around, ready to join my first training session in two years.
oodluvr ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:41:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I already posted a story but I love this one.
Freshman basketball practice in the morning. It's near the end of the season and I was out. Benched the entire season and the coach was such a dick. Well we're all goofing around and I throw a basketball across to the second court and as it's flying I realize I totally missed my mark and it might hit the coach. Just my luck, it hits the guy and knocks his glasses off. He wasn't as pissed as I thought he'd be.
Two days ago I fell into a puddle in the lashings of rain. On the first day of my holiday. Fucked my ankle. Missed out on all the fun. So far I've watched a lot of Dutch TV alone and found out that 16th Century Dutch house make terrifying noises when it's dark and you're alone. Also we're on the third floor and I can't walk. Fuck.
My misadventures in a college communal bathroom/laundry rooms.
There's the basic stuff, shaving in a sink and then just leaving it covered in hair. Spitting loogies into them and not washing them down the drain. Leaving semen dripping down the shower walls. Having sex in the handicap shower at 11 PM when everyone is brushing their teeth or masturbating loudly.
Then there's the REALLY gross stuff. Memorably some guy coating a urinal in blood. Someone putting a turd into a dryer and turning it on. People rubbing shit onto the walls of stalls. Waffle stomping in the showers/having diarrhea in them. Someone setting a turd on fire in the middle of the bathroom. Shaving their pubes onto the floor in front of everyone and then not cleaning them up.
The worst by far was some sort of bizarre joke animal sacrifice. We all woke up to a dead chicken in the laundry room with a pentagram drawn in what was presumably blood around it. They never did find out who did that though.
So last weekend I was home from school, and mom made me a nice lunch. It was some chicken, some corn and some real nice strawberries. I wasn't all that hungry because I had already eaten like two hours ago, so I was going through it all real slow. I like cutting up my strawberries with a knife into slices, no real reason, just to slow down a bit. I started cutting this big one. The first slice was just the tip, and was really seedy, The second slice was a good one though, it made up for the first. On the third one, my hand slipped and a put a little too much into the last flick. This little perfect slice off strawberry flies a little too far, just barely bounces off the edge of my plate, and hits the floor. After a few seconds I really start looking at this little red slice on the floor, and it hits me that I can't just leave it there. I have to pick it up. I start crying my eyes out because I have to pick up this tiny little piece of food that I so clumsily dropped. For the first time in ten years I had to pick food up off my dining room floor. It was my first time being home since my big ol yellow lab passed away from lymphatic cancer. The house just feels so empty now.I'll miss her.
losian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Heh. It's funny how little things like that pop up. I lost my first dog (who I had raised from a pup, he was 11 or 12 or so at the time when he died) and it's such a huge adjustment. Just.. You wake up and they aren't there. You get home and open the door, they aren't there. Your kitchen floor isn't a place for fallen foods to become opportune snacks..
It's rough. The habits are what really surprise you after the fact; you know they're gone, but still hits ya.
Me too. My school had d-bag kids like JNF12345 as well though. They had no remorse, proven by the time they pulled my pants and underpants off while I was on the monkey bars when I was six. They laughed, but everyone else felt bad for me and hated those kids.
Hafell ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've got a couple friends that are in a band together, and sometimes I send them bundles of treats. All their mail has to go through management (because sometimes people send them nasty things), so instead of getting it directly, they always get an already opened box from the managers.
One time, the managers gave the band a giant box (about 24" x 20"x 5") and said it was from me. They were in the middle of a bus tour and barely had time to breathe, so they didn't get to the box until about a week later. The box was filled to the brim with packing peanuts. Tucked into the corner, however, was a 3 foot long, giant rubber dildo.
Not coincidentally, it was the same dildo this band had hauled around as a running gag on their first major bus tour several months before. It only took them a minute to realize what management had done, but I'm sure for a solid ten seconds their reactions were priceless.
One day at school me and my friend where walking to our lockers when I noticed there was a picnic table not even 2ft from my locker (we had out door lockers). I suggested we should eat there at lunch and we did, after some annoying people started to come over and join in we decided to have a bouncer. We payed a kid in food to do whatever we say for the entire lunch period. Then things got weird and who was the so called "President" of the table got messed up. I had some odly soft teddy grams in my lunch that day which we grounded up. To become the "President" of the table someone had to sniff up the entire bag...which was like the size of a bannana.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:13:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On my way home tonight i was approaching a stoplight at the end of a road that leads into town. As I am getting closer I see something in the middle of the road, could it be a really shaggy dog or even a grocery bad, who knows? So I slow my car down to avoid this object and as I inch closer the image becomes more and more clear. Along with this clearer image comes the realization of what I am about to encounter... A possum, with it's offspring in it's mouth. The frightened creature dropped the small one (this one was playing "possum"). I then proceeded to drive away thinking how cool this was because I had never seen a possum in real life, I thought they were only true in mutha and fairy tails
miniowa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:26 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have possum in my yard frequently. They are more friendly than I would like.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:20:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So my english teacher had a assignment for us where we had to make a advertisment.
The teist was that we had to present it to the whole class.So my scumbag body body decided it was perfect time for wood.
My teacher went and said "Frostyfork please come up and present your assignment."
So when I was up in front of the whole class it was very noticeable. I then proceeded to do the "Texas Tuck" in front of a class of 18.
Just gotta own up to it, look them dead in the eyes, and scream "I LOVE CAPITALISM" to assert your dominance. At this point you could probably start jackin' it. No one will say anything. I've been to high school, I know how the game is played.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:36:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I'm waiting in line for the pay phone, and the guy using it turns around and tips his hat like this (tips hat ) and who do you think that guy was?! Emelio Esteves, the mighty ducks man I swear to god. I was like "EMELIOOOOOOOO"
I saw a Gargoyle kill somebody years ago... I don't think anybody would believe me if I told them. I made a sculpture of the creature though. I promised I would never tell anybody about it... But I think it's time I told my wife.
I'm in the middle of a break up that's pretty much left me broken. I got word from her for the first time in a week that we can talk about it. I'm really anxious about it - all I want is to be back together with her, but I don't know how she feels.
Limbo is a bad place for anyone, and if any of you ever have to go through a break up, make sure you get as much information out of your ex as possible. It's better to be hurt then, than hurt for a long time afterward.
I was standing in line at an Aldi. A little girl, probably somewhere between 7 and 9 years old, walked up close to me, looked up, turned to her mom and, with a voice filled with wonder, said: "A monster!" I thought it was adorable but her mother was horrified; she called the girl back and gave me a silent apology.
I should mention that I'm not in any way deformed, nor am I particularly ugly. But I am a large man with a somewhat wild beard. And I've been told I'm scary looking.
I went to Wendy's a few weeks ago and chugged a large lemonade so I had to pee. I walk in to the restroom thinking it was for more than one person, NBD. There's an old guy wearing a fedora and coat pissing. I started to notice it was for one person when I only saw one urinal and I thought shit I should go. Before I even moved, the old guy locks the door mid-piss. At this point I'm thinking "Shit, I'm about to get raped." So I run to the door, unlock it, and I run out. As I'm running out I hear the guy grunt and yell wait. I grabbed the rest of my lemonade and got the fuck out of there. It was my first time at Wendy's and I am never returning.
TL;DR: Don't go to Wendy's. If you do, check to see if the bathroom is for multiple people.
My first grade teacher is a great guy. My family kept in touch with his all the way through elementary, middle and high school.
We have a vacation home in the mountains and one winter we let him and his family (wife, 2 kids both a little older than me) use it. We get alot of snow there in the winter, and there is about an 8 mile road into town. Parts of this road are next to incredibly steep cliffs leading into a river, at some places the road is right next to a 200ft drop with no guard rails.
My teacher, was with his buddy and they were about to head into town. The problem was one of his doors wouldn't close. This had never happened before, and he had no idea what was wrong with it. But, he had an old pickup and shit is broken everywhere, so he just used a bungee cord to keep it closed and didn't think much of it. As they head down the road, he hits a patch of black ice and spins off the road. Luckily, he doesn't go off the cliff, but instead he goes off an 80 degree hill.
When he wakes up, he finds his buddy and they are both unharmed. At this point he's thinking "maaaan that was crazy" (his words). A police officer comes down to them from the road and says "oh shit, you guys ok? We were about to look for bodies!"
So they talk to the cops, who really don't give a fuck because its bumfuck eastern Washington and they're half drunk, until the tow truck driver comes. The truck driver literally falls out of his truck and is promptly arrested for DUI.
Eventually, they get home and his wife is "asking pointless questions" like "where were you? Where is the car? Why did you come back in a cop car?"
To deal with all these questions, he grabs a beer and takes a nap, and that was that.
But wait, you're probably wondering, how did he not die? Spinning off an 80 degree, 100ft hill? You would roll the car until its crushed and you are thrown from it!
Well, its pretty miraculous.
Remember the bungee cord I mentioned earlier? They used to keep the door closed? Well as soon as they spun off, the cord broke for no real reason and the door opened. This propped the car up as it slid down the hill and stopped it from rolling. It is incredible that he lived, and if there is a god, he was definitely helping out that day.
About an hour ago, I was told that I needed to take the trash out and put the leftover pizza in the fridge. So I went to the trash can and tossed the pizza and walked over to the fridge with a bag of trash in my hands, only then realising the terrible mistake I'd made...
Well Paris Hilton was DJing AC and I was swimming not even 20 feet from the stage at Harrahs tonight. Kinda surreal I guess. She was pretty average and kept shouting YOUNG MONEY. Yes Paris you're rich. That's why you can do all of this stuff.
Ammarzk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:14:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just to be clear I have a motorcycle which I was riding once along a busy road once. Lots of traffic,could barely see what was in front of me;it was a very wide road with many fruit stands on the sides.Since traffic wasn't moving I just tried to cut from the side and in doing so knocked over a fruit stand and heard the owner cry "My watermelons!"
He couldn't understand why I was sniggering so much
TLDR: Guy gets free holiday, gets frontpage with his post. I asked company for a free holiday too, and get one. Fuck yeah. Thanks reddit!
A few years ago a guy called Thomas Cook asked the travel company Thomas Cook for a holiday to Paris, citing that he had the same name, and that he had been working for them his entire life. They declined, but another company called lowcostholidays contacted him and gave him a holiday to Paris for a week with a friend. He posted the photo onto reddit and went top.
When they contacted him, they actually said "if you were called Mr Lowcostholidays, we'd have given you the holiday". This is a very important part of the story.
I, like everyone else, wanted a free holiday too. I checked out the holiday companies website for prices. To find prices, you have to first pick a date (as holiday prices change per time of year). I did, looked at some hotels, when I saw it cost more than my holiday, I closed the window.
But then an exit survey popped up, "tell us why you're leaving". I proceeded to tell them that ever since I was born, I'd been picked on for being called Mr Lowcostholidays. I then did a bit of ass kissing, calling them the internet's favourite travel company. I asked for a holiday to Greece for a week for my SO and I.
Three weeks passed. Then I received a text message, "Thank you for your feedback, it made us laugh, we're giving you a free holiday. This is not an April fools. A sales team member will call you. Regards, Mr Smiley".
The important bit here is that they said if the guy was called "Mr Lowcostholidays", they'd give a holiday. By saying I was called Mr Lowcostholidays, I had exploited a loophole and they had to oblige. They kept their word!
Mr Smiley, it turns out, was the COO of the travel company. I thought it was a joke, that I had told someone at work and they were going to call me and pretend to give me a holiday. But the call arrived, and I booked a ยฃ1000 holiday for ยฃ0 for the following June.
Come June the next year, I was a bit worried. What if it wasn't real? What if it was a hoax? But when I was sat on the plane, wondering if the hotel existed, and then when I was sat in the hotel room, I realised it was real.
So I guess you don't get anything if you don't ask for it.
I had a great holiday, have a great story to tell people, and got a fucktonne of brownie points with my girlfriend.
I never got karma though, my post got downvoted to hell, but you can't have everything right?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:23:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mine happened today, I haven't told anyone I knew even though I was super proud of myself because I thought it would take away from the act, I hope that's not the case when I tell it here on reddit, even though I am kinda bragging about a good deed.
I was at costco in a kinda ghetto area buying some stuff and while I'm in line there's this hispanic couple that comes up behind me with a cart that's got some stuff in it. They looked really really poor, they had some huggies in the cart some snacks and some other stuff. The guy tells me ""no card" I sai "at all? or here?" He says "no at all". Initially for whatever reason this made me a little peeved but I said "yeah sure," and he starts very humbly pushing his little cart with his wife they just looked ashamed in general. Maybe I'm projecting on them but I've been around impoverished people my whole life, family members were very poor it's just something I have been around.
My turn, I ring up my stuff and I say that their stuff is on the same costco card, then I say "Actually can you put all this stuff on my debit"
The man looks shocked to his core, he offers me some money from a ratty wallet and I say in spanish "no esta bien, no te preoccupas" they both look at me like "wtf" but I think they were in no position to turn it down. So he just kept saying "gracias, gracias, gracias mi amigo" "I just kept saying "de nada"
I walk out with them and we go our seperate ways, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself, I bid them adieu and they go off.
Then I hear someone calling I turn around and an older woman comes up to me and says "Did you buy the stuff for those folks?" I said "yeah" and she starts tearing up and gives me a hug and said "that's like the coolest thing I've ever seen." Then walks away. The whole experience has a really nice warm glow to it in my memory. Would do again.
SPOOFE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:36:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're awesome. I hope life brings you more awesome.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:38:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I used to have an obsession with fireworks, Fire in generally really, but fireworks were my favorite. Instead of trying to get in the cookie jar I spent time scheming how to get the fireworks from my dads office. I lit my first ground bloomer off when I was 6 with a magnifying glass. Anyways, one October they were setting up a pretty sizable pumpkin parch for our city and had moved tons of lumber, rides, and truckloads of hay. My buddy who was about 14, I was 11 at the time, had just stolen some fireworks too so we ran to the lot to go light them off. He has the brilliant idea to hide behind the hay stacks and light them off. Within a few seconds we realize we really boofed this one, and he's already almost halfway home and Im trying to stomp out the fire. The fire spread quickly, and burned down a burger king. The only people that knew were my buddy, my sister, my dad and I. About three years ago, we finally actually told my mom. To this day however, the public believes it was started by a belligerent hobo.
I once received an amazing internship in LA. I contacted a random acquaintance and asked if I could stay on his couch and he said "sure, no problem". I flew out (I'm from Kentucky, by the way) and within one week I watched him abuse his girlfriend horribly to the point that when he took off with her car drunkenly and she was crying on my shoulder I convinced her to call the cops.
Cops arrive as he does, he resists arrest and gets tazed and taken off to jail where we find out he had several warrants for his arrest totaling to around $50,000. Her and her mother thanked me over and over for getting her out of her abusive relationship. However, she was moving home to Sacramento and I couldn't stay there since he was in jail and the apartment was in her name.
I subsequently had to leave my awesome internship, but I helped a stranger get out of a potentially life-threatening situation. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
Edit: this is certainly the short version of this story. I just didn't want to walk-of-text it like everyone else seems to be doing. Any budding filmmakers want to write this movie? Let's call it "Seven Days in L.A.". It'll be magic.
This story will make me seem like a far better guy than I actually am, so, don't tell any single girls, but here goes: in 8th grade I was playing baseball on a very competitive traveling team that was one of the best teams in my region (western USA, excluding California). We won every single tournament we entered up until national ones, we were legit.
Anyways, the other REALLY good team from our area had this one great pitcher - let's call him Jesse. Our coach, who was kind of aggressive, told us one day that if any of us hit a line drive back at the pitcher and hit him with the ball, he'd give that hitter $20. (which is kind of bullshit since the hitter doesn't really control where the ball goes off the bat, especially when you're 14 years old).
Anyways, sure enough, about two weeks later we're facing Jesse, and he's dominating us. I get up to the plate and hit a line drive right back at him, and it bounces right off his leg. He stays in the game, but I end up scoring a run. I get back to the dugout and my coach is there, and he slips me a $20 and the rest of the team is high fiving me and patting me on the back.
Still, something didn't really sit right with me about the idea of hitting somebody and potentially injuring them (Jesse was fine, but the principle), and getting money for it. Oh yeah. My 8th grade summer was two months after Columbine, and the team I played for fed right into Columbine High School (though I attended elsewhere). So I decided to mail the $20 to the Dave Sanders Memorial Scholarship Fund - named for the teacher who was killed at Columbine. Only told my mom about it, and she helped me find the address and mail the letter.
TL;DR received money in a somewhat nefarious baseball wager, canceled it all out by donating it to a place in need.
TheJay5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:06:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I lived at the beach, my house was the usual place my friends would all come to and drink. My cousin decided she had enough of her town and was coming to live with me. On the night she arrived with her girlfriend (I had cleaned the house, made up her room, etc.), some of my friends had shown up and we started drinking. This led to them calling more people, which I didn't mind. One of the guys they called, I had never met before (call him Joe). Everyone is drinking, bullshitting around, and it is getting late. Well by now the house is not so clean, and my cousin shows up. Introduce her to everyone, welcome to the party. Someone asks, "Has anyone seen Joe?" Nobody has seen him for a good 30 mins at least (come to find out later, he is a bit of an irresponsible drinker). All of a sudden we see someone running down a darkened street towards the house...it's Joe. There are a cluster of bars about 12 blocks from my house, and that was the direction he was coming from. Also, one of those bars has an awesome late night hot dog cart outside of it. Jos is running down the street, huge grin on his face, arms outstretched with about eight hot dogs piled high in each hand. Behind him is a homeless man (obviously drunk as well), running after him and screaming how he wants "One o' dem weiners". Joe gets to the house sweating his ass off, and we are pissing ourselves laughing. Homeless guy stands at the edge of the driveway until we relent and give gime a beer and a dog, and send him on his way. Note: This is just the first of many Joe stories I got to experience firsthand, seeing as how he eventually became my roommate and very good friend.
TheJay5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, here's two. One night after we became roommates, we decided to go to the bar. It was quite crowded and we were separated. I'm thinking no big deal, I will find him eventually. The night wears on and I end up walking home alone. I go in the house and knock on his bedroom door, but no answer. Call his phone, no answer. By this time, I have hit the "Fuck everything, I'm drunk and tired" part of the night, so I go to sleep. Wake up, go to kitchen to make coffee, and he is sitting in the kitchen with coffee already made. I ask him where the hell he disappeared to. He says he woke up in the lawn on the side of the house...covered in ants. I completely missed him in my drunken stupor and the fact there are no lights shining that way. The other one is when I took him home with me (Detroit). We went to a Caribou Coffee in the afternoon, in an affluent neighborhood (Grosse Pointe, MI). So, we are having coffee, and Joe says his stomach isn't feeling so well, and he needs to have a shit. He disappears for around 20 minutes, and comes back looking real nervous. Apparently, he opened the door of the bathroom, thinking it was a multi-toilet one. It was a single toilet, with a guy already in there. The guy was washing his hands, but assured Joe it was no big deal and he could come in. Joe being the shy sort of guy he was, was standing there, awkwardly waiting for the guy to finish wash his hands and leave so he could shit. The guy turns to him and matter-of-factly asks "Wanna fuck?" Joe politely turns him down and the guy shrugs and leaves. He said he was so confused that he read some graffitti on the walls and noped the fuck out of there. Completely forgot to shit...
TL;DR Roommate gets drunk and sleeps with ants, and gets propositioned for gay sex then forgets to shit
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:04:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Rip_Dat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:00:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i woke one morning to the screams of a woman being stabbed outside my apartment. in my tee shirt and panties i ran down and scared off the attacker.
another time, the mentally ill grandfather who lived across the street stuck a knife in his heart. i gave him mouth to mouth until my husband was able to get the police there.. i was dressed that time.
Sometime in 1994, I got to meet Douglas Adams at a multimedia award ceremony in Cannes. I was huge fan, and tried hard to not geek out too much about Hitchikers Guide, Dirk Gently and Pink Floyd (he'd played on stage with them early that year).
We'd won an award for a CD-ROM we'd made, and he asked how I was using the World Wide Web.
This was early days for the web, and we had just been playing with Mosaic through a dial-up CompuServe gateway (ask your dad!). When I told this to the venerable Mr Adams, he told me I should check out this new Netscape browser. He thought it was far superior to Mosaic, and was going to going to have a massive effect on the numbers of people using the web.
TLDR - Douglas Adams told me to try Netscape as it had the potential to make the web huge.
A while back, I found out a hot girl at the office I worked at liked me. I am not much good at fliring or the whole not making an idiot of myself thing so I am unsure what to do and my self confidence is so low, I assume it's a joke. She isn't much better but luckily she has a friend who is determined to make it happen. I get into the lift and the girl who likes me and her friend are in.
"Hey Chris, can you draw me a dinosaur?" Asks her friend (I am known for liking dinosaurs.) "Ok, no problem." I answer. I am a terrible artist but anyone can make a passable attempt at a generic long necked dinosaur, so 5 mins later, I walk over with it.
"That's really good!" Says the hot girl, "Can you draw me one?" I can't, I've played my hand and I should walk away. "Sure, what dinosaur would you like?" I ask.
"Either a triceratops, velociraptor or a pterodactyl." She responds.
Shit, I have agreed to draw somthing I have no idea how to draw, I'm going to look stupid and blow it. No. No, I refuse to let my lack of talent hamper another shot at happiness. I will not go down without a fight. I get back to my desk and use my motherfucking brain. Fire up the ol' google-o-matic and search "how to draw a dinosaur". It assumes I am Da Vinchi, so refine to "How to draw a cartoons dinosaur" still hard as fuck, time to go big or go home. "How to draw a cartoon dinosaur for kids".
Find a nice easy triceratops, spend an hour doing thatbinstead of work, saunter over like I do this shit all the time and gand over the picture.
"Oh my god, I love him! He's going on my wall at home!".
Cut firward a few weeks, I just had a great date with her, back at her place and true to her word, on her wall I spot my picture. I feel like a total boss.
Went out with her for a few weeks and ended up getting hurt, but hey, I got paid as a direct result of drawing a dinosaur, not a lot of guys can say that.
I think I'll tell the story of how I met my fiancee. It was freshman year of college, and poor old me was finally coming to terms with my sexuality. I had had crushes on my female friends before (I am a female), but I had always told myself it was maybe some kind of misplaced friendship feelings or something. I was raised religious so I was of course terrified of what it would mean if I was a lesbian.
I was so mixed up over it one night that I decided to go for a walk to clear my head, and I ended up at a meeting of the University Sculpture club. I walked in as they were setting up and I saw my future fiancee. Or more accurately, dat ass. It was love at first butt. I was way too shy and still confused about my feelings to say anything to her, but as the night wore on, it occured to me that if I was attracted to random women off the street and not just women I knew, then I probably was, in fact, a lesbian.
I went home with my entire worldview upside down. From that night on, I began to accept my sexuality and come to terms with my own beliefs. I saw her around the arts building for the next few months but never said anything. A month before summer break, a friend of mine found out I liked her and introduced us. We've been together ever since and celebrated our 3-year anniversary earlier this month.
P.S. When I asked my fiancee if she remembers me from that first meeting she said "Nah, I'm gonna be honest. I was way too into the cheese dip they had there and I thought you were kind of loud."
I once sold a porn magazine to a danish prince. I was working in a shop in Copenhagen airport, and while i was restocking cigarettes behind the counter, I turn around and there he was, with a whole stack of magazines. I pick up the top one to scan in it, and was met with titties. I just put on my professional frown and continued work. Needless to say, I bought my own copy, so when i one day tell the story to my grandkids, I'll be able to pull it out and show them the same magazine.
tl:dr even princes fap.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You would think a prince would have their own porn guy?
Random question, when you talk to a member of the royal family on the street, do you have to be courteous and polite? And do you have to address their status, like saying Your Grace/Majesty?
I think in general you have to be courteous, although I don't think they would be offended if you didn't. I have only heard their status addressed by mayors and journalists.
geozza ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:49:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I really wanted to go to a local gig but tickets online had sold out so the day of the gig I tweeted the lead singer asking if there was the off chance there might be a spare ticket I could get at the door, he replied saying there weren't and put me on the guest list instead!
Last week I volunteered at a local festival, throughout the day we got about 5000 people in total, maybe less. Afterwords we were cleaning up and an old man approached me claiming he dropped an item and wanted to know if we could help him find it. I asked what it was and he responded he dropped. His fucking. Handgun.
I started laughing, I thought he was kidding! There were kids runnung all around that place! We searched for an hour, and we never found that handgun. It was a Ruger.
Tl;dr: I forgot I live in texas.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:14:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm one of those paranoid types.
The only time I ever have a good time is when I'm at a music festival, but that usually ends up with me getting greenies
I met a cat named blackalicious jungle fury once and he climbed up the screen behind me.
Plubbe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:44:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My parents got divorced shortly after we moved to America, and my dad was always good at visiting us. He came to see us every six weeks, on the dot, for two weekends. We would go to the beach for the weekend, and the schedule was the same every time; Saturdays was breakfast, shopping at Barnes & Nobles, Best Buy, Publix, Toys 'R Us, and the mall, a film afterwards, and then back to the hotel, where we would relax until dinner. Sundays we'd have breakfast, and go to the beach.
Anyway, he bought my brother and I Razor scooters when they became super popular, and we would ride them whenever we went anywhere. There's these big Nerium oleander bushes growing all around the area, and we used to pretend they were petrol stations, and my dad would grab a branch and 'fill up' our 'tanks' with it, all while making a bubbling, gurgling, petrol sound.
I remember when I first found out they were poisonous, and I thought my dad was the bravest man I ever knew because he didn't care, he'd manhandle those oleander branches to fill up our scooters.
It's not really a crazy story, I just love all the little memories I have of him, and I never really get a chance to tell those stories.
I still think he's the best man on the earth, I love him so much.
TL;DR I have the best dad in the world.
tarry91 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
test
Plubbe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sure.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:53:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was 9-10 years old in Iran we went to buy a goat to sacrifice for an event I don't remember what exactly. When we were in the herd of goats, a goat attacked me out of no where to the ground that's when another goat with cute tiny horns came between the attacker and me scared the attacker away. It was as if he saved my life to my 9 year old mind; I felt a connection between it and I as weird as it sounds. We stared at each other for a few seconds and it even let me pet him. The saddest part of the story is that I saw the same goat at my neighbors house a few days later and it was about to be slaughtered. He recognized me as well and started bleating loudly as if asking me to save him. It broke my heart that I couldn't do the same for my savior. This was 20 years ago and I still think about it with great regret.
Ok so lets go back to high school me. I live in a small island in the caribean and this was around when I was 17. In my community to graduate high school you needed to work 40 hours for the community with no pay. So I started working at the biggest library in my town with a classmate that would later become a very close friend. Our job was receiving people at the entrance and checking their library passes but what we mostly did was talk about girls, he would tell me his stories and I would tell him about the girl I was going out with, these stories were very interesting to him since at the time I was dating the hottest girl at my school which was a teen model representing my town island wide (I was going to go with that story and how it went terribly wrong but went with this one because it is less personal). So while we were talking and not really paying much attention to our work. The women in charge of the library notices us and immediately comes over to ask us to organize and categorize all the inventory of computers in the library (We worked in the research wing) so she sent us to get further instructions and the tools to do so on the third floor. After we get our orders we are sent with a bunch of office equipment to categorize everything and well basically a lot of work. We split up I take the area of active equipment and my friend takes the second floor left wing which is off limits to the public and is meant for executives and meetings of privileged nature basically a really big empty part of the library with just equipment and no people or offices. The place is also dark and there is no way you could enter without the card access to authorized personal. So once I'm finished with all of my area (It took me about 4 hours of hard work) I head to the more or less abandoned wing were my friend is working at (this is the first time I enter this area) and while I'm exploring this place I stumble across my co-worker and he is hard at work in one of the equipment rows very concentrated on his work and while this is happening I notice there is a child standing behind him (around age 4) I look at him in complete disbelief of how he managed to get into this restricted area the kid is pale white and had absolutely no expression in his face while he stared at me (This place was really dark and cold and had basically no lighting besides some far away windows) So without saying a word to the kid I slowly say to my friend "Umm....... whos the kid?" My friend shrugged his head signifying "no idea" without even saying a word or looking at me. I have a moment of silence then look at the kid again and he still had no expression in his face other than just looking straight at me. I then slowly ask my friend "Umm.... how'd he get in here?" again my friend shrugged his head without saying a word it was in this moment I realized this was leading no were so I address the little kid with a question "Whats your name?" The kid continues to stare at me but this time he looks like he's wondering if he should answer that, "Castro" says my friend this is when I ask him "Like the dictator?" Yes he answered. The kid then asks me my name so I tell him. I ask him how he got in there but he didn't answer me. We were about to get off work so we escort the kid outside and he tells us his gonna go with his dad and we let him go without saying a word he runs out of the floor I worked at. The next day we start our work early and are sent early to continue with our previous days task. We enter the secured area and lock the door behind us (mind you there is card access required) so me and my colleague have our regular talk about chicks and then we talk about what happened the previous day with the kid but neither of us had the faintest clue. After around 2 hours of working my friend says to me "Look who's back" I instantly turn around in disbelief and there he is Castro. I tell the kid he's not supposed to be there and ask him where his parents are so I can take him to them the kid took it the wrong way and got really sad like if we didn't want him there so my friend starts cheering him up. The kid took a liking to us and started asking a bunch of questions about what we were doing and why. But he wouldn't answer any question that we'd ask him. When we finally left and again escorted the kid out he wen't running of again we asked our manager how a kid would get in there he answered there was only that way in here and that the library did not allow kids younger than 10 in the whole west building of research and literature that I worked in. That all kids were required to be in the kids area of the library. I'm in my second year of college and everytime me and my friend talk about this we have no idea how that kid got in there.
The only story I am dying to tell is- I had an amazing time this weekend, so much fun I rarely ever have, met a lot of great people and laughed so much my face was sore from smiling! Not so long ago I was very depressed and even suicidal and now I get this- being happy among people I barely know but feel that they accepted me into their group of friends. Unfortunately I'm very bad at describing what was really fun and so I get boring and nobody wants to listen to me rambling over and over on how great a party I went to was. But IT'S SUCH A BIG DEAL to me! Depressed people of Reddit- you will be happy again!
I was engaged to this girl for a long while, she was wonderful but had some seriously rotten luck and a tendency to overwork herself. This led to a long battle with depression and other mental health challenges.
At the point in time this happened, I'd just gotten a job. This was the first job I'd had in around a year and we were pretty desperate for money at that point. She got some money from school but it was barely enough to pay rent and were it not for the generosity of people around us, we'd have been well and truly fucked.
I'd been at the job for maybe a week by this point and the day started pretty horribly. The freeway was closed and traffic was horrendous, so bad I had to actually come back home after I'd gotten halfway to work so I could figure out another route to try and get to work.
I walk in and I can hear her in the shower. By this point I'm so fried from trying to get to work and knowing I'm going to be late I just breeze past the bathroom and go to my computer. As I'm typing looking up directions, I hear a sound that doesn't quite sound right for the shower. It sounds like a sob or crying.
I knocked on the door and asked if she was ok. She didn't reply. I knocked again. No reply. At this point I really did not want to open that door. Things had been incredibly rough for her and I'd already prepared myself for her making the ultimate decision but it's one thing to think about and quite another to stand in front of a door knowing that, on the other side, you may have to face it.
I tried to open the door. It was locked. I popped the lock with something (paperclip, I think) and opened the door. She was physically ok but she was lying crumpled in a ball on the floor of the shower crying her eyes out. It was a full-blown meltdown and she was most certainly not ok.
This wasn't unknown, she had breakdowns on a semi-regular basis and though she was getting generally better she still had very bad days and this was one of them. The problem was she usually had some form of support to help through these times. At this point, I was the only one around.
So now I had a choice to make: stay and help her or go to work. If I stayed, she'd be ok but I'd seriously jeopardize my job. I was still technically on a trial period and my boss made it clear in no uncertain terms that I couldn't miss any time. If I lost that job, we'd be in serious trouble. If I left, I was leaving someone I loved in a very hard place with no support, someone who had contemplated/attempted suicide not long before.
She wouldn't talk to me, just stared and cried.....and I left. That is, to date, the hardest choice I've ever had to make in my life. I took the risk that she'd be ok until someone else came home (we lived with roommates) and could help her out in order to not further risk the only real source of income we had.
We never spoke about it. I'm not entirely sure she's aware that day happened. She had a lot of problems with her memory and when she went into a tailspin like that for a few days, her memory often suffered.
She's doing better now. At least that's what I hear. We split up a little while after this happened and I'm pretty much persona non grata as far as she and that group of people is concerned. I don't get much information these days.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:37:39 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So my brother was little and still being potty trained. Now, typically when a kid is still in diapers, you some times smell near their diaper to confirm that the horrendous odor is actually coming from them. So... I kinda see where my brother may have gotten the wrong idea.
We were at a museum when my mom needed to sit for a minute and my brother decided to stay with her. Another person sitting next to my brother was just minding his own business when my brother stuck his nose next to his butt and sniffed it. My brother then exclaims loudly "MOMMY!! SNIFF HIS BUTT!!!" My mom, mortified, picks up my brother and hightails it out of there. Apparently the man didn't budge and continued just sitting there.
xsamy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:40:04 on May 16, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
so almost 3 years ago, I discovered 9gag while working in an office,
(9gag ew, I know) and started posting actively becoming an active commentor.
9gag is linked to facebook, and I was added to a strange facebook group of people, with
all the funny people from the old days gathered in one site, even shely remington
was there at one point. Tired of what 9gag has become, we were more active in this
group, and 9gag was replaced by bots and reposts. A now close friend of mine made
a troll account of Shelly Remington named Shely Dolangton (Reference to Dolan comics
and crude sense of humor). Shely is a master of photoshop and made many works of art
with all the members. In this group there are alot of people from different places of
the world, being active 24/7. A lot of people became involved in Long distance relationships
or LDRs for short. I being one of the LDR couple from this group, have met my girl twice
by traveling to the philippines, and the second time around I was there, I took her to
Hong Kong and asked her to marry me. She said yes. Many of the LDR couples are successful,
with a few already moving to other places in the world to finally live together. She is moving
to california in the coming months to live with me.The group has been my place to go to when
I need a laugh, and these people have become so close to me they are like family now.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:30:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Here is the abridged version of how my life was ruined this year.
I'd been with my fiancรฉ for 5 years, known him for 8. We got engaged 16/08/12 and wedding was set for 16/03/14. We planned to have a baby this year after waiting 3 years and were extremely lucky to get pregnant the first month even though I have PCOS (we thought I'd end up needing fertility treatment). We were stoked. We had a lovely holiday in NZ during the summer, were looking to buy a house, I was pregnant and the wedding was upcoming and I was soooo in love; then it all somehow went down in flames.
Here's the thing. We started arguing coz I caught him texting girls flirtatiously behind my back. He started staying out late drinking with friends. He became unreliable. He was abusive to me one time when he was drunk. Then he was abusive to me another time. Then another. And so on til it happened every time we had a fight, which had somehow, over the months, become weekly by February. At this point I was pregnant.
One arvo/night my fiancรฉ stood me up for a date and came back from the pub and we had a huge fight. He said horrible things, I cut myself, he tried to leave and said he didn't want to be with me, I tried to stop him leaving, he got abusive. The worst of it was when he punched me in the stomach and kicked me in the vagina. 22/02 was the last time he abused me. I was 7 weeks pregnant. One hour later I started bleeding.
We went to the hospital and they assumed I had miscarried but were unable to do an ultrasound that night. Despite everything, I didn't want him to get in trouble- I just wanted to be a family and be happy- but the hospital Dr called the police, and they came to the waiting room and arrested him. I didn't even know til I got out of hospital later on. The police made an AVO on my 'behalf' that lasted until the court date. This meant that for almost 6 weeks I was unable to see him or even talk to him (or our cats) and I had to stay with my parents without any of my belongings. This also meant that we were forced to cancel our wedding just a few weeks out as we couldn't see each other. This was pretty humiliating in our social circle and families.
It later turned out the baby was fine! It was basically a miracle. So we went to court in April and all I wanted was to help him so that we could move on and be together. After all, he had started counselling and enrolled in a behaviour change program. I basically lied in a court of law and had a 'poor memory' of the events to get him off the charges. Of course, $8000 in lawyer fees later, he got off. We were stoked. I thought the only was up from there. I was wrong.
While he was no longer violent, he needed 'space' and spent all his time drinking alone or with friends, and he was still talking to girls behind my back. I was 13 weeks pregnant by then. I was trying so hard to cling on to my relationship and it was clear he wasn't into it, but I ignored it and I tried so hard to make him be. But I can't make him feel something he simply doesn't.
Next, I lost my job because I was away from work too much. So then I had no income. Then I started cutting myself most days again, something I haven't done in years. Things were looking okay for the last few weeks, and last weekend we went to look at 2 apartments in the morning with a view to buy and move in before having the baby. That was all okay. Then in the afternoon, seemingly out of nowhere, he just broke up with me. You know, he loves me but he's not happy so he 'just wants to be alone' and all that. :| Naturally, I was shattered. I've never been able to imagine life without him. Still can't. I completely went off the deep end. I didn't think it could get any worse but it did and I just couldn't believe so much bad shit could happen to one person.
I came very close to killing myself that day but got picked up by an ambulance and some counsellor people, and then spent 2 nights in a psychiatric ward with people who talk to themselves and stuff. He didn't even come to visit or call to check on me. Drs diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder (before I 'just' had anxiety and depression).
I got out of there and have been living every day since a week ago as a useless zombie. I want to die but I don't want to kill my 18 week old baby, so instead I just sleep as much as possible and cry when I'm awake. Sometimes I cut myself but I can't even be bothered doing that sometimes. I just lie there feeling bad. None of the things I normally enjoy can cheer me up anymore; I go to counselling and stuff but none of that will fix my life. All I want is him.
I've now had to move in with my parents and he and I have been going through and splitting all our stuff and the baby stuff and it's so hard having to see him, but at the same time it's even harder not seeing him, so I can't win either way. We had to split up our cats, too and that has been so sad for everyone. But most of all I'm sad my baby and I won't have a husband and dad around. He was so awful the last few months but before that he was perfect and I just want that back. All I want is my normal life back.
He still wants to 'be there' for me and the baby, which is great, but it also means I have to see him all the time and be totally in love with him and know he doesn't want me, and my heart will continue to break every time. Next week we find out our baby's gender and while I'm excited, I'm also dreading it because I know we will find out and I will look at him and cry because this isn't the way it's supposed to be. He won't be there in the middle of the night to help out. He won't feel each time the baby kicks. He's not here every time my pregnancy gives me gallstone attacks. :|
Today is Mother's Day and I had hoped he'd make me a little card or something, but instead I get shat on. I get to spend the afternoon with him moving my stuff from our house to my parents' house. I don't know how I ended up here when things were perfect before. I'm no saint but I am a good person, I normally work and contribute to society and I did normal people things like hang out with friends and go to the gym.
Now I'm just a slug who wants to hide under the covers all day. I'm 22, 18 weeks pregnant, suicidal, fired from my job, cancelled my wedding, got dumped by the love of my life, lost one of my pets and moved back in with my parents to face life as a single mother.
The kicker is that, after everything he's done, I should be fuming and hate him. But I don't. I still love him more than anything. He's my best friend. All I want is for us to be together. I feel like one person doesn't deserve this much shit. And I looked forward to having this baby for the last 3 years, but now I hate being pregnant coz it's not supposed to be this way. I wish I wasn't pregnant so I wouldn't feel bad about killing myself.
Not that it's worth much, but here's my take on your story. Unfortunately, you can't control your ex. Can't make him want to be with you, or to treat you right if he did. To be honest, it sounds like you're better off without him, and hopefully one day that will be easier to see and reconcile.
But... Right now you have this little life growing inside of you. This baby is half you, half him. In other words, it has the chance to be all of the good parts of your ex, and none of the bad. Likewise, a chance to be the best of you. And as this child's mother, you are in a unique position to help that child get to that point.
It won't be easy, and there will be days you'll want to pull your hair out, but you can do it, and that kid is going to need you. (Wouldn't want the kid to be solely dependent on your ex.) And your love will be far better spent on your child than it would have been on your ex.
I wish you and the little bun in your oven the best.
Krabbi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am sorry all this happened to you. Are you able to see a therapist? Sounds like you could use someone to talk to. It sucks right now, but you would be disrespecting yourself to stay in that relationship. It may not seem like it now, but it will get better.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I see 2 different psychologists and have been for 2 months. It doesn't help, unfortunately.
Krabbi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:49:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry to hear that. You also have a bunch of pregnancy hormones running around in you. That may be contributing to everything. I really hope everything works out for you. BTW, Happy Mother's Day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. You're the first person to acknowledge the day for me.
I know it doesn't seem like this now but in time you will see that you dodged a bullet by not being with him. He is NOT a good person. Your love for him will fade and you will wonder what you ever saw in him. And you will certainly find someone better who deserves you.
Congrats on the baby. I know the circumstances suck but kids are awesome (though challenging) and you will experience love that you didn't know was possible.
For many many years, women have had to raise children by themselves, and the fact that your parents have opened their home again and taken you in, shows that you have all the support you need.
Sure, it would be nice to have the father around, but he isn't needed (sorry if it sounds harsh, it's not meant to be). You are stronger than you think, the fact that you've made it this far is proof.
You can spend your waking moments crying about what was, or you can be productive about it. Lost your job? it wasn't meant to be, go out and find a better one. Build the life that you want for your baby, don't wallow around because that isn't productive. It will be hard at first, but 10 year from now you'll look back and be happy that you did something to better yourself and your child.
[deleted] ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 02:05:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My first ticket was for going 95 in a 60. What my parents don't know is that I was really going 120 and racing one of my friends. Thankfully, as I'm from a small town, we knew the cop that pulled us over (I played football with two of his sons, my sister was one of his other son's best friends), and we were able to talk him down from taking us to jail and impounding our cars. The only people that know this story are me, my friend, the cop, and now Reddit.
Fun, some kids from my hometown died doing that on the way to school in the morning and he killed his little brother and little bro's friend riding with him.
kjata ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:47:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In this case the risk is obviously not worth the thrill of going fast
[deleted] ยท -33 points ยท Posted at 05:14:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's always somebody that tries to make me feel horrible for being young, dumb, and in control of a muscle car. Guess what! It doesn't work! Yes, I'm sorry they died. But maybe they should've taken more care in where they were reckless. For us, we were racing on a country road that gets very little traffic, and is about a 5 mile straightaway. If we had been putting other people in danger, we wouldn't have done it. Were we wrong for doing double the speed limit? Yes. Were we putting other people in danger? Not by any means.
Were we putting other people in danger? Not by any means.
Keep telling yourself that, kiddo.
[deleted] ยท -18 points ยท Posted at 05:54:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A five mile straightaway with no one else on it except for a cop who just happened to be driving down a driveway as we drove by? If you can find anyone else that was in danger, feel free.
shamoni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:52:31 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You? Your classmate who you're racing with? What makes you think you guys are immune?
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 05:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We didn't have to pay him anything. It was a $300 ticket though. We think he just didn't want to have to deal with all the paperwork that would come with arresting 2 people and impounding 2 cars.
Truth be told, we probably could've probably gotten out of it completely if my friend (who, btw, is of the female gender) would've at least flashed him. Everyone in my town knows that the cop's an all-around horrible person. For example, the two sons that I played football with had two different moms. Neither of which are his wife. His oldest son is his wife's though.
yah, don't do shit like that it will kill you or, worse, someone else.
saremei ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:32:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's not so bad when the racers end up killing themselves, but hurting or killing innocent bystanders is what usually happens and that is bullshit.
losian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:02:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good thing you lived in a small town and could get off the hook for being a horrendously irresponsible idiot! Way to stupidly put peoples' lives at risk. :(
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:30:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Saw a guy get killed doing that. Really horrible.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:45:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, fuck you, sir. Being a keyboard warrior and trying to make me feel like shit for something I've accepted as wrong doesn't make you any better than me. I'm sure that if I went back through your life I could find plenty of things that make you look like an irresponsible little cunt. I'm still here, my friend's still here, and no one got hurt. You, sir, can go fuck yourself.
Edit: a word
soopa96 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:43:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The time I got lost in Lima, Pero and accidentally found out I haue a cousin there. That, or the time I got lost in Rio De Janeiro while high as balls at 3 in the morning without knowing a single word in portuguese.
ndeha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:14:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed, and also lucky to be alive, lost in Rio at 3am high as balls without knowing the language? People have been knifed for far less in that hell hole city.
Once I was going to get food and I picked up the usual stuff at the usual place. The cashiers there usually ask you if you want a receipt and I usually say no.
So this one day I had my headphones on because I was walking home from class and I heard the cashier say something so I just assumed that she asked me if I wanted my receipt so I just said "No" unusually loud because I had headphones. Then she gave me this weird look like I just told her to go fuck herself.
It turns out that what she really said was "Have a nice day" and it sounded like I straight up rejected her.
5 years ago, I was sitting in a prison cell in Europe, 6,000 miles away from home. I had no money, no possessions, and no hope for the future. Yesterday, I signed papers to purchase a Mercedes Benz. To everyone that always said I was going nowhere, fuck you. I've worked for everything I have, and I'm proud of the things I've done since I got out of prison.
One time when I was on acid I went to a toy store. I had recently bought a soda at a shop down the street, and I was also carrying my jacket. I wanted to put these things down so that I could better play with the toys in the store, but I really couldn't figure out where to put them. I saw a kid sitting by the door to the store, and so I walked up to him and said.
"DO YOU WANT A SIP OF MY SODA NO WAIT DON'T I'M A STRANGER"
Then I grabbed my friends and we left the store as quickly as we could to avoid possible parental repercussions.
My plan had been to have that kid watch my jacket and my soda, and bribe him with a sip of my soda, but I didn't give him any context so he must have been really confused.
When I was 11, I had a sexual relationship with a 25 year old woman. It lasted around 6 months until I moved to a different country.
Living in a different country, our maid used to sleep in my room (not on my bed, next to my bed on a mattress on the floor). After cleaning the house each day, she would come into the room late at night, undress and get ready for bed. I was a curious child so I would sometimes peek from under the covers. She caught me one day but she didn't stop rather let me watch as she undressed. This continued for a week or so until I had the cheeky idea to let my hand dangle over the bed while pretending to sleep. That night she took my hand and gently placed it on her breasts, letting me touch as I pleased.
As the weeks went by it escalated from me dangling my hand over the bed to her joining me on the bed. From simple touching of her body and sucking on her nipples, she one day took my hand and slid it down to her panties (which till today I have never felt anyone that wet). She would direct me by whispering in my ear to put fingers inside of her, my hand was so small I was easily able to fit my entire fist inside of her. I remember having to wash my hands after every night from how much she got wet.
As a month went by, our sexual relationship was very active to the point I would come back from school and ask her if she wanted to sleep tonight (code word for sexual activities), We slept together at-least 3-4 times a week. At this point we were both comfortable with what we were doing, and every night she would teach me something new, I enjoyed kissing the most where as she enjoyed my hand inside of her. One night she asked me to get on top of her and put my penis inside her, at 11 I wouldn't think she felt anything but we did have sex. I was never taught sex ed, and never masturbated previously so the concept of ejaculating was completely alien to me. I remember the first time I wanted to ejaculated it felt as though I wanted to urinate and I ran to the bathroom standing over the toilet for 10 mins with not being able to urinate lol. Eventually I understood what was happening, and from my memory I have ejaculated inside of her but I believe she was on the pill or my sperm was not developed enough to impregnate her.
For the record I do not feel traumatized nor has it affected me in my adult life, I was quite sad to leave her as we had a unique but taboo bond between each other. Since that day I have never seen her and it has been 14 years, she is currently married had have kids of her own. Its not a story I tell everyday but it was quite an experience while it lasted. As the south park episode goes, I look back and just think "niceeee" ;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIfOjkB17BA
Got an entertaining story, not mine, I heard it on a podcast years ago, forget who the original storyteller was. I'll tell it from his perspective so it flows better.
So I met this girl on an online dating site, went out with her a few times, and pretty soon started fooling around. So it's probably the third time we've had sex and we're laying in bed afterward when she starts giggling. I ask her what's funny and she says,
"I sorta have to tell you something."
I reply, "What is it?"
She keeps giggling and hiding under the blanket for awhile before finally giving into my imploring and tells me,
"Well, I didn't tell you something about me from the start because I didn't want it to ruin things between us before they even got started. And this is something that has caused problems in relationships with me in the past, so I wasn't going to tell you, but I like you and I think you shold know."
At this point I'm part freaked and part really curious, wracking my brain to figure out what she could possibly need to tell me, when she hits me with it.
"I sort of have...the big H."
She immediatly ducks back under the covers and resumes giggling, and I am stunned, just shell shocked really. After a few moments my brain finally gets going again and I start to pray,
"God...please let me have herpes. If you just give me herpes I'll start going to church everyweek, I'll donate to charity, I'll spend time with underprivilaged youth, I'll settle my life down and stop banging skanks off the internet...just please let me have herpes, not HIV."
So after what seems like an eternity and is probably a good 45 seconds, she resurfaces with a smile saying,
"Ya, I have herpes. So I know I should have told you, and I understand if you're mad, but I hope we can move past it."
She said some other things to but I didn't hear her cause I was in my car driving fast and far away from her house.
The next day I go to my doctor to get tested, and he tells me that there is a fairly low chance of contracting it when she wasn't experiencing an outbreak, but he tests me anyway, and sends me home saying that the results will take a few days.
So now I know what you're thinking and well...long story short, I wouldn't have told you any of this if I had gotten herpes.
JwA624 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:59:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
history... history is what you have made. Fear not of death, for your life shall be remembered for the wondrous chronicle it was, full of discovery, enlightenment, and adventure. They say the history books are written by the victors, and you sir... you sir are the greatest victor. May I be the first to say, praised be the, for you will spark a whole new religion, one which will be embraced without reluctance by millions, NO, billions of people around the globe. I just wish I could have been there to see it myself... it will always be my biggest regret, and for that, I am sorry.
oodluvr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:34:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TLDR: Found shit in a towel.
I work at a health club and we also operate tanning beds. One day bed 2 had an odd stench and no one knew why. A week or two goes by and the smell is still there but worse. I figure it must be a dead mouse, or something dead and I had to find it. So I started searching around and got to the plastic cabinet that holds extra towels. I open the door and I knew it was in there. Odd that a mouse got in there....I move the first row of towels out and that's when I see a wad of towels. Luckily I realized I should have gloves on so I quickly got them on and came back to open the wad of towels. Turns out someone took a shit while tanning and didn't dispose of it. Since then, I have found a tampon applicator and a cup of piss that spilled out on me when I moved the cabinet. We no longer keep towels there.
FYI--on the dead mouse thing. mice are so small, that once dead, they begin to have that 'musty-sour' smell with 6 to 8 hours. within 36 hours-- because they are so small and dead ones decompose so quickly, the smell is gone. (dead human bodies smell for nearly 2 months by comparison, before advanced decomposition sets in).
I had an ex. Let's call her "Erin." Erin lived states away from me, but we really wanted to go to prom together. So we tricked her parents into letting her come to my state, lied to my parents about who my date was, and generally snuck around so I could get her to and from the airport. Even snuck her into prom. Did the same thing for a week in the summer. Never got caught. Good times.
Okay I got a good one, one time I was at Taco Bell in the drive thru kinda late at night, so I ask for a beef taco with just lettuce (Otherwise they put sour cream, cheese, and tomatoes and all that which I don't really care for) so I pay for it everything good so far, I get my Taco, go home and unwrap it to find it was just a tortilla shell with lettuce, no beef so I guess when I said "beef taco with just lettuce" that negated the beef part and that was what I got, I told this story at a party once and I became known as lettuce guy.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:49:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:34:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I hadn't read that.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:54:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
we are all wired for human contact, and touch. you are not alone. but do not settle for depression or malaise regarding it. get out. make some friends/relationships. nearly anything, as long as it's not destructive, is better than nothing.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:56:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously
No guy has these stupid ass stories about being a slut. I would be ashamed to date someone like this. Basically your saying your down to fuck whoever if you get drunk first
That's cool.
One time in 5th grade, I was at a sleepover party with my friend Alex. There were a ton of other mutual friends over as well. We all decided to play a random game after the boredom got to us in the middle of the night. Alex suggested we play a 'make believe game' where each of us was to act as a certain celeb and even dress like our star of choice. Alex was Taylor Swift, another girl named Brianna was JB, then another named Haley was to play Kesha, and lastly I was Amy Winehouse. Alex put on some boots and a purple dress, Brianna had a snapback with a beaver on it (go figure), Haley tied a scarf tight around her bare chest, and I had no idea what to do so I just took Haley's idea and wore a scarf along with a big black poofy wig. As I walked from the bathroom into the attic where everybody was ready to start the dumb celeb game, all eyes stared upon my arrival. I did a little turn through the small doorway to display my costume. Suddenly, I felt the knot in the scarf come loose and guess what? My flippin scarf untied and dropped to the floor. I was mortified beyond belief so I covered my upper nudity whilst running into the commode and slamming the door shut behind me. This was a big deal for me at the time because I was, and still am, a really self-conscious person.
I swear, I sat in that little bathroom crying for so long that I'm almost certain I can still tell you what color her toothbrush was and what brand of soap she used.
well story about my buddy.
One day back in high school my friend was in a fight and trying to stay away from his parents. After camping out at another friends empty house for a couple days on a bender he insistent on having a barbecue one morning. It was 11am and he was already wasted. I was pretty drunk myself so I thought why the hell not as long as he does the work.
The problem with his plans was that he had no propane. He and another friend got an idea that seemed clever at the time where one of them would go to the front door of a neighboring house and ring the bell. When the neighbors answered one would ask if they had seen a lost dog. In the mean time the other kid would run around back and steal the propane tank from their grill.
The first guy rings the bell while my friend runs around back, hops a fence that was 6 feet tall on his side and had an unexpected 20 foot drop on the other side.
Unprepared for the sudden drop he locked his knees and snapped his leg. To add insult to injury, no one ended up being home and the tank ended up being empty.
I took a shit by the football field at my high school one night a few years ago, it stayed there for about a week. It was a fat one, and the P.E. classes all had to run through it. So many stepped in it.
I tried to get this bot on kik to tell me it's plans for judgement day, so I sign up for the website it linked me to and gave it my cc and all my info so I can gain their confidence. Those suckers will never see me coming
MJshoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:22:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I drove a 99' Caviler for 9 years. The cigarette lighter would spring out of the plug in and shoot into my lap. Scary shit driving on the highway.
When I was in high school I played with fire a lot. Me and my buddy are playing ping pong one day (this relates, I promise) and we crack our last ball. I get the brilliant idea that we're going to melt this ball back together with a lighter. The ball goes up in flames the second I begin to try this. I try to blow on the flaming ping pong ball in my hands. Ball blows out of my hand and onto the floor. Cue me panicking. I blow on it again, and now it is under the entertainment center. Flames are pouring out from under this, and I'm screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs. I plunge my hand under the entertainment center to beat the fire on the carpet. I finally put this fire out with my bare hand and see that there is s one foot radius charred spot on the floor, which I cut out of the carpet the next day to hide it from my parents. It is my darkest kept secret to this day from the parents, especially since my parents knew about my pyro phase and were very concerned about it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At work we store our IT equipment in a room secured with a padlock. A while ago, a trolley hit the metal closing bar and bent it making it really difficult to close the padlock. On Friday I was wresling with the padlock and cursing it like normal when I thought "I wish I had a goddam hammer to fix this".
Immediately I heard a banging noise from nearby. I went to look and found a Records staff member banging out file shelves with a hammer!! Who would have thought that bloody RECORDS staff would have a goddam hammer!!
I borrowed (begged really) the hammer, smacked the shit out of that metal bar and straightened the motherfucker right up.
So me and my friend John (changing names 4 protection) were chilling on this summer day in my backyard. We're both 18 around this time and like totally boys4life.
John calls over these two girls to my house. They're both 20. We figure it'll be chill, so we roll up a joint and sit by the pool. There's no twist ending so chill on the scrolling. Anyway, me and John start smoking the joint with these two girls. It was a hot day so we decide we wanna go swimming but the girls dont have swimsuits. One girl goes "no problem" and just gets naked. We're all high so that's just the move so we all get naked.
Now we're all in the pool naked and checking one another out and we touch their boobs but were awkward so we dont do anything. The end.
Friend of mine, a Jr. in highschool, sees a guy hopping the fence into a neighbors yard that he likes. So he tells his sister to call the cops. About an hour passes so he decides to go investigate. He doesn't find anyone in the backyard and can't see anyone in the house. He does see some electronics on the backyard porch. He decides to grab them for safe keeping, so he says, and as he hops the fence the cops pull up and see him with the electronics in one hand while hopping the fence. I see him handcuffed in a cop car then getting yelled at, so I go to ask what happened once the cop leaves and he tells me the story.
tl;dr: Friend indirectly calls the cops on himself.
Pi-Guy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever gotten so into telling a story that you just dismiss your surroundings?
I get excited about things really easily and one time in high school, I was telling a friend of mine about this game I was playing while we were waiting for the bell. It was a text based game meant for mobile devices called KingdomGame. It wasn't too popular so the community was divided into veterans and newcomers. The veterans were untouchable, we couldn't do anything about it.
Anyway, I was telling my friend about the game's mechanics, who was in charge and what was going on, and the conversation went something like this:
"So the veterans are on an entirely different skill level, but a lot of us got together and we've organized this HUGE super organized offensive, and we are absolutely RAPING THEM SO HARD"
This is when I noticed that everyone in the classroom is staring at me, I assume having caught my last very energetically spoken sentence. My teacher butts in with "I'm sorry, what?"
So I start to explain how I got all worked up over KingdomGame where I rule a kingdom at war with other kingdoms while the entire class was listening. It was easily the most embarrassing thing looking around the room and seeing a few of the other students laughing at me.
Every now and then, at the most random times (even years later) I think about that moment and cringe
Oreo_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
when i hit puberty my penis grew before everything else. In comparison to the rest of my prepubescent body it looked huge. Anyways i made a point of showing it off like twice in middle school and that reputation followed me until i graduated high school. I'm in the high average range but it was a rumor that i had m enormous cock and i loved it. It made dating easy. Everybody was a little curious even if they didn't want to admit it. And if course nobody ever went around school saying nope i totes fucked him his duck is average! It would just make them look bad. Or maybe they really didn't know. Idk it was good times either way.
On April 12, the night of my wedding, me and my husband took a short walk around our little condo compound where we had just finished an after party (kegs and all). It was probably three in the morning and my husband strikes up a conversation with a man who is clearly Canadian and had just come back from dancing. He was drinking a Budweiser, which he thought to be the best of the American beers. Because of this me and my husband went and brought him one of the locally brewed beers we had to prove him wrong. When we came back a small Asian women was sitting with our new friend in her clubbing dress; she was Mongolian, she was a Buddhist, and she was a physicist. We continued taking and having a good time with the couple discussing why they travelled to the area ( it was many vortexes and is considered pretty spiritual) and we discussed that me and my husband were for years apart in age, "the best of best" in her culture. Our new Canadian friend explains that though his girlfriend is NOT a witch, something about her is very special and that because of this he would like to give us a wedding night present: her singing us a song in her native tongue for good luck. So the Mongolian physicist sand us a song about good luck, flowers, and love in the most beautiful voice. We cried and hugged them both and thanked then for the truly special moment she had given us. I don't think I could have had a cooler experience on my wedding night.
Tl;dr a Mongolian witch sang me and my husband a good luck song on our wedding night
A year or so ago I was deployed to the Lรฉopold Sรฉdar Senghor International Airport in Dakar Senegal to basically be a gas station and pit stop attendant for President Obama's trip to Africa. As a maintainer on the US Air Force's C-17s we will often get to deploy to a location before the president to catch, refuel, and repair the C-17's carrying the massive amount of support personnel and equipment that follows him around. In Dakar we were there to refuel and fix all the C-17s carrying Marine One, Secret Service personnel, Air Force One's maintenance team, presidential motorcade, etc.
Long story short after the president had visited the area everyone but us took off to go to another part of Africa and we stayed behind waiting for them to head back our way. Someone on Air Force Ones maintenance team had rented a fairly new BMW 1 Series Hatchback and an older Isuzu Trooper and had just left them sitting on the apron. I, being a bored maintainer, decided to check it out and once I discovered that it was unlocked and had the keys in it I, being a bored maintainer, decided to go for a joy ride.
After a couple of innocent drives up and down the apron I picked up a guy i was with and we decided to throw caution to the wind and FUCKING FLOORED IT! The rush of driving that car back and forth as fast as we could go was truly on of the coolest things I have ever done. After hauling ass down that stretch of runway a few times each we parked that beautiful beast of a car and decided to never tell a soul.
tl; dr I crossed driving a car as fast as I can on an airport runway off my bucket list.
The story of how I met my wife.. I just can't tell it because it hasn't happened yet :(
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:11:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay I was 4 years old and around that time I was hallucinating for some reason. Seriously fucked up dreams and all of that.
The first dream I remember was walking outside of our trailer with my plastic clickety dress up shoes on. I immediately notice the ground is pink and it's kind of like ice. There was a tree across the way with a hole in the center. The tree existed in real life but it wasn't a hollow tree. I walk over and look inside the hole. Inside is hospital bay. Like from the 20's. All sorts of equipment was around. Lots of metal devices.
From nowhere a witch appears and grabs me to pull me inside. Everything goes blank and then I'm in this house. It's almost like my grandparents house but it had this yellow carpet. The same carpet that was in my Aunt and Uncles house. I hated that carpet.
I was sitting there in the living area playing with my Strawberry Shortcake play set and then things morphed into me playing with my Weeble Wobbles haunted mansion. Out of nowhere appears a woman. I had never seen anyone like her. She had braces and a page boy hairstyle that was popular for the 80's. She took me into the dining area and put a piece of white cardboard in my mouth. With the sudden realization that she was a witch, I sprung awake. The first thing I see is my two crochet dolls floating on to my bed. I tried to scream but nothing would come. I thought about how the witch put the cardboard in my mouth. It must have been so I couldn't scream. She was laughing when she did it with these black teeth.
I jump out of bed and go to wake up my Mom. She tells me to go back to bed and she will make me pancakes in the morning. I return to my room because she won't get up and my dolls are still on the bed. I put them away and manage to go back to sleep. I told my Mom what happened again in the morning but she said she didn't remember a thing.
This was not the only time things like this happened. I would see Frodo from The Lord of The Rings in my closet. He was sort of transparent and in cartoon form. I once saw skeletons dancing on my chest and even my Dad's while fully awake. After about age 6 I stopped hallucinating but I always had nightmares. I did continue to drift off into fantasy land while in school and completely lose track of what was going on. I was mentally in a whole other world and my teachers would have to call my name repeatedly to get me back.
I learned recently that I may have had small seizures my whole childhood.
I tripped once (okay, not just once, but this one time I tripped once) and tried to say "What?" and a preemptive "OW!" at the same time. So as my face locked trajectory with the ground and I stared in the face of my doom, I yelled out to the gods at the top of my lungs:
Shortly after my dad died I had a nightmare. I was walking down my hallway toward his room where I was gonna check up on him (he was bedridden as a result of leukemia and treatment). I asked him if he needed anything and got some response, so I headed out to fetch it for him.
As I started out something compelled me to turn and face him and he appeared dead in his bed, the way I remembered seeing him at the vigil. I fell into denial and closed the door. At that moment the atmosphere of the house changed to that of a horror film: eerie and dark. I took a peek inside and my dad had changed again, but this time he was almost not my father (I thought it was him, but no way in hell did my father ever look like that). He looked like a burn victim, charred skin and flesh. I was frozen in place as he reached toward me in a deep zombie moan. As he held his arm toward me I could hear it so clearly. It was then I woke up and realized I had been screaming the entire time.
Kevincf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work in production. I was working on the Oscars this year and I was changing into my tuxedo about 25 minutes before the show in the bathroom down under the stage where the dressing rooms and stuff are. I was in there for maybe 12 minutes and when I walked out Michael Strahan was standing there with a whole possy screaming and yelling at me that I took too long to change and they had been waiting. Michael Strahan is a very large human and it was terrifying to say the least.
I might be late here but this is the best thing I've ever been told in my life. Two Mondays ago I ordered two pizzas and a 2 liter at work for my friends and me. Basically it took 53 minutes when it was supposed to take 30 and I had no time left for lunch to eat. While waiting for the pizza I talked to the manager he agreed to comp my next order. So I called the following Friday and expected my "comp" order to be good for a pizza maybe. What I'm about to type is the greatest things my ears have ever heard. The the guy on the phone says, "I talked to the manager and he said the whole order's comped so just, order away I guess." Order away. Order. Away. ORDER AWAY. Not wanting to abuse this newfound power I just ordered a large pizza, 2 liter, and cinnastix. This might only seem great to me but it was just the best day.
Jcorb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:41:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, this is an incredibly stupid story, but I've never had the opportunity to tell it to anybody, even though I still snicker about it from time to time.
Back in high-school, me and this other kid that I absolutely fucking despised shared a mutual friend. I was pretty much the stereotypical "nerd", and he was pretty much the stereotypical "football jock". It was shortly after high-school, we'd gotten to where we would all three hang out pretty frequently, so the animosity had died-down quite a bit, though I wouldn't say we liked each other.
Anyways, one day, he decides to swing by my house, for no reason. I'm in the middle of a game on the computer, so I yell for him let himself in. This is really probably the first time we've seen each other without the mutual friend, so he leads off with a stupid joke;
"So what are you eating under there?"
I've literally never heard this joke in my entire life, so I just respond saying that I haven't eaten anything. "No", he reiterates, "what are you eating under there?". I ask him, "Say again?". He laughs for a minute, and then asks if I'm messing with him. At this point, I can only assume I have a completely baffled expression on my face".
"The fuck are you talking about?"
He keeps asking me the same thing, waiting for a specific response, and I keep questioning him, thinking he's taking jabs at me over my weight or making fun of me somehow. We're both annoyed and confused by the other, him continually asking "What are you eating under there", and me responding... I don't even know, hundreds of different ways.
Finally, after probably 45 minutes, I just ask him "Man, what in the shit are you talking about?". "Don't you know the joke?". I shake my head. "You're supposed to say Under where? So I ask, what are you eating under there? And you say...", at which point I finally respond "Under where...?", and then he explains "And then I say *Ah-hah, you're eating underwear!".
It was such a stupid joke, but we wound up laughing about it every day for several weeks that it had managed to create such a strange situation. Here he is, just sarcastically asking this kindergarten-level joke, with someone who has no idea what the joke even is, but naturally assumes it's going to have some vulgar, insulting punchline, and for all of the ways a personally could even respond to the question, I manage to elude the response he's looking for, for almost an hour, completely oblivious.
I don't know why, but I've always wanted to share that story. To be honest, I think that, as stupid as it was, it's what finally broke the ice between us. Again, it's a stupid story, but I still crack up when I think about it.
When I was eleven or so years old I was sick of all but one of my neighborhood friends. I realized that to play a good board game or kickball I needed at least four people. The house next door to mine was for rent.
Being very religious (traditional Catholic) I decided to pray for some friends to move into my neighborhood. I added some specifics and prayed for a pair of twins about my age to move into he house next door.
A few weeks later, a family took the house. They had two boys about the same age but they looked completely different. Catholic teaching is that all prayers are answered, but not necessarily precisely. Turns out they were fraternal twins. My mind was blown and still is. Too bad I couldn't stand either of those kids.
When I was in the 6th grade, my popular friend invited me to one of his other popular friend's birthday parties. I didn't want to go because I wasn't invited but he assured me that the girl said he could bring me. When we got to the party, the girl opened the door and said "Why are you here?" For the rest of the night, every time a new person would arrive at the party, I would see them asking the birthday girl why I was there or why was I invited. Not long after that, my friend left me for the cool kids. I just now realized, that party was the end of our friendship.
Was living down in North Carolina in a shack in the back of a dirt road trailer park next to the woods. Me and two work buddies decided to go camping one night and then hunting in the morning.
SIDE NOTE: Camp spot was located on the other side of a 100 acre wooded lot filled with coyotes and foxes, and surrounded by swampland and an electrical fence perimeter. It was called the fox pen and my work buddy "dan" had disabled their fence with a hammer to the power box after being jolted one too many times and had been stealing some property of theirs, as crack smoking rednecks tend to do.
Anyway, me dan and "josh" run out of smokes so we decide to trail it to the nearest bar and take the shotgun to boot. We shoot it off a few times along the way and dan stashes it before we get there, but not before his drunk ass starts talking about some tobacco shop he thinks he can rob with it. He tells me this plan of walking in there with his single buck shot rifle and taking the money and asks if I got the "balls" to help him. I told him it was the dumbest plan I'd ever heard and explained to him that he has no getaway car to escape said crime from. This part of the conversation was unheard by josh who by that time was buying the cigarets. And just as I finished my explanation he walks up to us and says "someone left their keys in that car over there."
Don't think I should post the rest but something entirely different ends up happening
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I mentioned this story a week or so ago, but it's still an okay story I guess.
I had just turned 13, and it was hunting season. I travelled with my dad who taked an annual hunting trip to my grandparents' trailer (about 18 hour drive, or 2 hour super overpriced flight). We went hunting a bunch, barely got anything, but it was fun!
Anyways, it was Remembrance Day, and my Grandfather used to be in the Armed Forces, so he had to take part in the ceremony that the miniscule town they lived just outside of had. I mean the town has about 250 people.
This sadly is where the story takes a turn for the worst... My Grandmother was suffering from nerve damage in her ankles at the time, and she couldn't walk very well, so she had a walker. One night, she was walking from the dining area to the living room, and she fell on her knee which proceeded to swell up to twice the size it normally was. My Father and Grandfather left to take her to the nearest hospital, which was about an hour and a half drive. I had to stay behind and tell people we wouldn't be going hunting the next day, and hope everything was alright.
She was admitted, and was given a new, better walker, and physical therapy, etc. for a while, while they tried to fix the nerve damage in her legs. However, it turns out that she had been misdiagnosed before, and she didn't have nerve damage at all. Instead, she was diagnosed with ALS.
Between November and January, her condition worsened to the point that she was unable to walk by herself or feed herself. By February she couldn't talk. I had gone back to where I lived a week or so after Remembrance Day, and had been going to school, etc (I was in grade 8 at the time). In February, my class and the grade 8's from the other schools in our area (some of whom we knew) went on a trip to the high school to build stuff in the tech wing. We were making tool boxes. Part way through the day, the EA in our class came and got me and said my Mother was on her way to pick me up. My Father had gone to visit my Grandparents again because it was my Grandmother's birthday. Me and my Mother drove home and packed a bag each and left for the airport to catch the first flight we could to go to the hospital were my Grandmother was staying, so I knew what was happening.
A bit more than 2 hours of flying later we rented a car to drive another hour or so to the hospital. Everyone was there (about 10 people). We stayed for a while and talked to everyone, and talked to my Grandmother who couldn't answer us. All she could do was take small gasping breaths, her eyes closed, body limp.
She took a big breath and there was a pause before the next breath. We all went silent fearing that it was her last, but she took another, and either my Great Aunt or my cousin said something along the lines of "that was a big pause there!"
After another couple minutes, another pause. This pause went on for a long time, and soon we realized that she had just taken her last breath. It went from complete silence to a lot of tears.
I guess I've tried to forgot a lot of the details about that night, because I don't remember a whole lot else... I remember driving back to my Grandparents house, where we were staying, with my Dad who had asked for a mid-size car to rent, and they gave him a Charger. We sped a lot of the way because we were in a nice car, and we knew we might not have another chance to drive a similar car for a long time. He ended up changing it in for a beige Chrysler 300, but I digress.
Everyone who was there decided to spend the night at my Grandparents trailer, which they had basically made into a small house by permanently parking it and building additions onto it. There was normally room to sleep 4-6 depending if you folded out the couch or not. We blew up two air mattresses and had 10 people in that tiny house.
It was one of the most depressing nights of my life. I think this is the first time I've told the entire thing from start to finish. Small bright sides to the whole thing, I got a lot closer with a lot of my extended family. Riding around in the Charger and the 300 was really fun, we went to a National Museum, and that trip was the first time I'd ever played Rock Band.
This is a story of some crazy shit that nobody saw but me and one guy.
This dude I had known for awhile worked at this shitty job with me for a few weeks. One day we left and smoked a doobie and headed to mcdonalds. We order, pull up to the window and pay. We are just baked as fuck staring forward waiting for our food. All of a sudden there is a loud crash and a small truck comes SOARING through the fucking air like 40 feet and slams into the ground and rolls once back onto its wheels. We were both staring at it and physically flinched and said "holy shit" and such expletives. We happened to be looking straight at it when it happened. We were actually the only people that saw it. People started filtering out of the building saying HOLY FUCK WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!?!? I guess the impact wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it pushed the speeding truck into the big curb/median thing at the entrance of McD's and he ramped off it, so people couldn't even really tell there was a wreck or what the hell happened. The guy comes stumbling out of the truck and sits down on the mound he ramped off and kinda passes out.
This all happened in the matter of 30 seconds and the McDonalds person is already at the window trying to get our attention probably thinking were are idiots "HEY HELLO TAKE YOUR FOOD" and we are sitting there just like :O
We were right next to my house and my coworker says "Damn lets go to your house I don't think I can ever fucking drive again". It was kind of traumatic to see a flying vehicle while baked.
Unless you actually moved from continent to continent within the same day (for example, breakfast in Europe, lunch in Asia, dinner in Africa), my guess is that many people have tried something similar even though they didn't realize it.
I had breakfast in Morocco, lunch in Madrid, and dinner in Chicago
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:57:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My ex drank alcohol when she was pregnant with my son. 4 to 5 cans of beer a day...more on weekends. I tried everything to get her to stop. I told our family physician...I left for a little bit. This was back in the eighties....so, fetal alcohol syndrome was not as well known as it is now. Well, sure enough...my son has learning and behavior problems. Now he is a grown man who blames me for his problems........His mother and I divorced when he was still a child...He still lives with her. I want to tell him the whole story.....but I just can't do it.
Zayniac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:03:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, so here's mine. It's a little long, but I love it, so bear with me.
Summer after grade ten, my dad decides for a vacation we should go to Syria and Lebanon (We're Canadian. Totally random destination, don't know how he thought of it.)
So we're in Lebanon, and we want to see some grove on the cliff that overlooks Beirut. There's seven of us in all, and we get the taxi cab driver that had been taking us around to take us there. We go till where the van can go, park, and start walking along a narrowish path to get there - probably 3 metres across.
My mom and sisters were way ahead, I was trailing behind taking pictures, and my dad and grandparents further behind (my grandmother walks slowly due to a bad knee). So here I am, taking pictures of the lovely view of all of Beirut. I'm near the edge of the path, and step on a plant. Turns out it wasn't on the path, but growing threw a chunk that was missing on the edge.
I step, and as I start free falling forward, I see pure white, and then blackout for the fall. When I come to, I'm already holding two plants in either arm to secure me on the sloped side of the cliff. I've fallen what I'll later realize was three and a half stories. If I had gone a further few metres I would have fallen down the rest of the cliff to my death.
So I come to, and start yelling for help. My sisters hear, my mom doesn't. They say not to turn back - they think I'm pranking them. D'oh. Motherly instincts preside, and my mom decides to come and look for me. A little less than a story above me, there's a ledge - until now, that's where I thought I had fallen from. After describing where I am, my mom finally sees where I am. Thinking I've only fallen a little bit, I don't see her, till I eventually crane my neck...and realize how far I've fallen.
Now we're in an Arabic speaking country, and none of my family speaks Arabic. Thankfully the taxi cab driver was still around, and he called Red Cross. What felt like an eternity later, but was only ten minutes, they showed up. They couldn't actually come down where I was. So they secured a dude further down the path, he rappelled down, came over to where I was. He took me to the ledge, I put on a harness, and after having just fallen, I had to climb up the side of the cliff using the rope anchor to help me.
So they drive me to the local village hospital. Should've been the end of the story. The nurses tell after my fall, I sprained my ankles, and luckily only fractured one of my heels - but that I need to go to the University Hospital in Beirut to do a CAT scan.
Then somehow members of the Lebanese army showed up. They didn't believe we were Canadian citizens, and even though we didn't speak Arabic, thought we were Syrians hiding in Lebanon. The nurse and an officer argued in heated Arabic, until finally the officer agrees to let me go to the UH. On a condition. A military SUV would follow our taxi, and the officer would sit in the cab with us, with a rifle.
He came in the consulting/ICU room with me, and stayed there until my dad came back from the hotel with our passports. Nice guy really, he joked around a bit. Guess he was just doing his job.
Note: At the beginning of the day, my mom had been miffed at the cab driver for charging us pretty highly. We ended the day tipping him nicely.
Note 2: Two weeks after we left to go back to Canada, the Hezbollah conflict reignited, with the road to the airport being bombed. We left just in time.
Note 3: My dad at the time got me a cane instead of crutches. Earlier in the trip I teased my grandmother for being a slow walker. Karma got me pretty hard on that one - I hobbled slowly. My dad still regrets not getting me crutches sooner.
TL;DR: Fell off a cliff in a foreign country, had to get military escort.
Sometimes life makes you think, and realize how lucky you are to be alive. I always thought of every moment since as a second chance, and a reason to live every single second of life to the fullest.
I was getting off the subway in downtown San Francisco at the cable-car turnaround (basically a ground-zero for tourists). It's a mob scene, the cable car is on the turntable, it must've been close to Christmas because there were a ton of shoppers. As I round the corner to head up Powell street, I'm aware of a uniformed cop surveying the scene and a scraggly looking vagrant leaning up against a building.
As I approach, I startle a group of pigeons off the sidewalk, they fly ahead of me and the vagrant, who looked like he was about to fall asleep, lunges forward and punches a pigeon right out of the air, and probably killed it. The policeman and I both turn and look at the guy, then at each other, and the cops says, "Well, you don't see that every day."
There was also the time I saw an old asian lady fight a seeing eye dog on a moving bus.
So a while back I was going to see my friend (who was a girl, and I am a guy) during school. Keep in mind this was middle school, where everyone is perverted. When I get to her she and her friend are doubled over, red in the face, laughing so hard I could've sworn they were close to dying.
"What's so funny?" I asked
Her friend stopped laughing long enough to start talking "I was... I was poking her and she told me to stop and then..."
My friend finally chimed in "and then she asked 'what, so only Ian (me) is allowed to touch you?'" I should point out there were tons of rumors going around me and her were dating.
"And then.... Then she said..." Her friend choked back laughter, "'you don't touch me the way Ian does!'"
Talk about an awkward conversation.
TL;DR: my friend accidentally accused me of feeling her up in middle school.
Ages ago (almost 20-years now that I think about it!!) I used to work evening-shift on the helpdesk for one of the biggest ISPs in the country. I finished at 10pm one night and took the bus home to my house in the suburbs.
By the time I got off the bus it was about 11pm and there was no one on the street. I still had to walk about 20 minutes from the bus stop to get home (the closer bus didn't run that late)
As usual I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a black jacket. After walking for a few minutes I noticed red and blue lights reflecting around me and turned around to see a cop car pulling up behind me.
One of the cops got out and explained that I matched the description of a person seen attempting to break into cars nearby. I assured him that I hadn't been doing that. He seemed to believe me but asked for a bunch of details which I was happy to give him. Name, date of birth, address, phone number... Then he got to occupation - I said "I work on helpdesk for an internet company" and he immediately asked which one. I told him and suddenly his expression changed and he put away his notepad.
He explained he'd been having trouble with his internet connection at home and asked if I had any advice, and offered to give me a lift to my house.
So I got in the cop car and he drove me home while I suggested a few things he could try when he got home. Once we reached my place I gave him my extension number at work and told him to get in touch when I was on shift if he was still having trouble.
I never heard from him, so I assume he got the problem resolved, but it was certainly a weird experience.
(If anybody knows this mission from GTAV,Please tell me) it was 2 in the morning, and my house was empty, so I decided to play some gta online. I started a random contact mission ment for level 45's (and I'm a 39), and needed up in a mission with people of WAY higher levels than mine. Anyone familiar with the missions will tell you that I'm about to say is impossible, but believe me.
The mission was to blow up 4 cement trucks(but in the beginning it was 2) at a construction site in the city. I (idiotically, mind you) go in guns blazing, and I die from the start, and cost my team their only team life(so if you run out of team lives and die, that's it, you can't play, only spectate). I start again and try to be carefull, the entire site is covered in bodyguards, and all my teammates are dead.i grab my best machine gun and dodge from cover to cover, making sure not to get gunned down. 15 minutes pass and I'm at the first barricade. I keep poking my head up and shooting at the guards, who just keep coming. A headshot 10 or so and duck to another barricade, then try(and constantly fail) to throw my grenades and blow up the first truck. Five grenades later, and it explodes. I run to cover for the other truck behind the building, and blow up the second one(thank god), but then I get a message saying that two more left and I have to chase them down(FFF**) so I run to my motorcycle and drive off at the first one uptown, followed by a helicopter. I don't know how I did it, but I take down the heli,WHILE I'm driving ahead of it. When I shoot it down, the truck comes up into view and I use the last of my grenades to blow it up(which was just two by now). I drive off for the other one downtown, near the railway, and a truck of bodyguards pull up behind me and fires at me. I don't know how, but I outrun them. I take a quick turn to the right, and SMACK, right into a stoplight, spinning off my cycle, while the truck full of guards spots me and turns around(DOUBLE FFF*). I hop on my car again, and blow out their tires, causing them to smack into a gas truck, and blow up(I can't make that part up at this point) and drive to the last cement truck. I spot it, and reach down for my last sticky bomb, hoping not to miss it. I drive past it, hold up bomb,make a donut turn, and speed off at the truck while it starts to pull up and drive away. I smack the bomb onto the truck and speed off near the railway, on the tracks, and blow the truck up. My comrades are silent, still looking at me complete the mission, from start to finish, by myself, with no possibility of accomplishment. One of them sends me a message that says," your amazing, super applause". Best moment of my life spent on a chaotic game.
There is this guy. His favourite show is full metal alchemist. he was my neighbor ever since we were 10. we used to fight a lot. by the time i entered college, i hadnt seen him in 4 years and guess what, we were in the same class. we talked. became best of friends. we realised how much in common we had. similar tastes in everything from food to porn. During one of our pointless conversations, he revealed how he got introduced to full metal alchemist. He had picked up a CD lying on the streets, which i had misplaced. This was some 7 odd years ago.(we verified later, the CD was mine by discussing the color of the CD holder nd the markings on it i made with a sketch pen) My mind was blown.
This shit is guaranteed to be buried but a long long time ago, Me and my two brothers went to kmart and were just getting whatever kids do, hot wheels, cd's, bullshit... As we were leaving we decided to play the claw machine. We were pretty decent and could win every other day so why not? We put ยข50 in and won first try.. ok. Beginners luck... next brother tries. Win. Ok... weird... I try, and im the youngest. Win, first try... The machine has to be broken, I don't ever win. We all ran home and asked my mom for $25 for the claw machine, which she promptly denied until we convinced her to come watch. Then we cleared the mothet fucker like an ocean's 11 movie.
TL;DR emptied a claw machine that some noob bought and forgot to loosen the claw.
Throwaway account, I don't care if you believe this story or not. I have kept it hidden from family and friends. The only people who know about it are my wife and the people involved.
Last year I went on a trip to Turkey, while in Cappadocia we decided to go for a hike down a trail.
On this trail local teens like to spray helpful signs for tourists like "Wrong way" and "Turn back" etc.
Well we were pretty far into the hike, ignoring most of these signs when we start to feel like maybe we should have at least listened to them. We get to a point where we finally see another person who happens to be a local and ask him if we are going the right direction, he points us off the trail in the direction of a hill and we start making our way up.
On the top of the hill, a man on a horse suddenly came from behind some rocks and waved his hand and yelled "Merhaba!" being pretty stupid I just waved and smiled back. He then said "Do you know what Merhaba means?" I say "no" and my wife and I both gave him a puzzled look. He told us "Merhaba means Hello, you should say it back when someone offers it to you!" (we were just used to saying "Selam") We reply with "Teลekkรผr ederim" (Thanks!) which is one of the phrases we actually did learn.
The man on the horse said "Have a good hike!" and rode off. After walking for a few minutes we started hearing an engine coming up from the other end of the hill, I could see that it was a small child coming up quite quickly over some of the more bumpy terrain on an ATV.
I could, in my head, quickly imagine what happened next, she had put too much throttle on and flipped the ATV. I threw my bag down on ground and ran to try and help.
The girl riding was about 12 years old and crying hysterically. Obviously, she was hurt and afraid from the unexpected event.
The girls leg was stuck under the seat (remember this is pretty remote, no place, time or way to call for ambulance or similar) and I used my strength and lifted the ATV off of her. After she crawled out I put the ATV back down and told my wife to run down to the man who had given us directions.
I sat there with this girl trying to make sure she wasn't hurt and that things were okay. She walked a bit with a limp and started to try making her way down the hill.
A little while later I see the man on the horse coming up the hill full speed.
He gets to us, jumps off the horse, and hands me the reigns and says "Hold these tightly, she is stubborn, do not let go"
He went over to the girl and talked to her for a bit.
"She seems fine, she is just a bit scared, she knew not to use the machine there. She is my daughter, I want to give you the largest thanks I can for all of your help. I am leaving shortly and would not have known she was stuck until tomorrow." He set the ATV back upright, and drove it a bit down the trail.
Upon returning, he then told us that the man who gave us the directions earlier was actually a deaf mute. That he likely didn't know what he was doing when he gave us directions. The way to our destination was actually in the opposite direction.
He invited us to eat dinner at his house the next day, but we had to decline as we were scheduled to leave for Istanbul the next day. He understood, thanked me and gave me a large hug. He then took the reigns from me and rode off.
Later down the trail, we saw the deaf mute again, this time on a moped. He waved at us and we waved back.
I asked my wife to never tell the story to her family or friends and I would also keep it to myself. I felt that telling the story without the context of anonymity would lessen it or that I would be looking for complements about my "bravery". While I feel a great sense of pride about being able to act under such strenuous conditions, I believe that anyone could do the same.
If you see someone in trouble, hurt, or anyone that needs help, you can help them.
I have already forgotten the password I used to create this account. Goodbye.
I was once participated in a mock gun battle (that included blank rounds) with the Royal Marines and a horde of people dressed as Star Wars characters. It took place on an airport tarmac and I was dressed as Jar Jar Binks.
It was about ten years ago and I was a teenager in a small Canadian town. My parents lease on one of their vehicles had just ended so they bought an old beater to use for a few months before getting a new vehicle.
We purchased the 1992 Honda Accord off of a family friend. The car had a few dings, a few rust spots, and a Star of David sticker on the bumper. It wasn't the slickest ride but it'd make due for a few months.
My family is not Jewish so we attempted to remove the Star of David sticker. The sticker came off but left a permanent outline of where it once was. No big deal.
My mom left one summer evening to pick up pizza for dinner but abruptly came back into the house and got my dad. My mom is hard nosed Irish woman so it was odd to see her rattled. She lets my dad know that "something" is on the windshield. My dad eventually saunters outside to see what the fuss is all about.
I quickly follow my dad out to see what was on the windshield. There in all of it's splendour is a red solo cup full of shit splattered onto our car's windshield. We overcome the initial shock and go into forensics mode.
My dad goes inside to get gloves and places the evidence into a ziplock bag. We examine the poop and after a thorough discussion decide that this turd is not of an animal...it was laid by a man!
I was given the exciting opportunity to throw out the red solo cup of poop when I notice something strange. Buried underneath the turd is a small pair of plastic skeleton hands. Instantly this goes from a 9/10 on the fucked up scale to a hard ten.
I show my parents my findings and the story starts to come together. Across the street lived an old German immigrant. He had always been friendly with my family and made a point to ask how my kickboxing was coming along whenever we crossed paths. A generally polite and friendly man. Recently it had been discovered that he had issues with alcohol abuse and was having marital problems.
Now old German was a history buff and knew everything about World War I and World War II. He had an extensive collection of German war memorabilia including some Nazi pieces. He also collected one other item...
Skeletons.
Old German had seen the Star of David and decided to show his disgust by shitting on our car while leaving a small clue so we would know who did it.
TL;DR Nazi neighbour shits on our car because it has a rusted on Star of David bumper sticker. Leaves small skeleton hands as a calling card.
When I was 16 I was rushing with a friend, who was driving, to get to my high school at around 9 pm before it closed to grab my book bag. I sat in his window (because the door stuck) and he whipped around our rather large parking lot at about 40 mph. We were young and stupid, so it was normal.
Well, he slammed on the brakes and I flew out of the window, shattered his mirror with my foot, and I somehow combat rolled into a standing position and just walked in the front door.
We never spoke of it again. Not a scratch or bruise, and if I ever try to tell anyone they don't believe me.
At my university, there was a guy a few years before I got there who was known as the 'butt-slapper'. Apparently this guy would run through campus slapping girls on the ass. After this happened several times the campus police were after him. They eventually caught him, and it turned out to be a kid from the high school just down the road. That kid is a freakin legend.
I think once I almost got kidnapped. My sister and I would walk home from the bust stop everyday in middle school. The neighborhood we lived in was mostly safe. I knew all my neighbors and their cars, which I know sounds weird to say but when you walk past your neighbors truck or minivan everyday it becomes a familiar thing. Any who where I lived there are multiple mailboxes down the whole street. Every 6 or so houses (12 I guess if you count both sides of the street) There would be a mailbox where everyone would get their mail. Our mail box was right outside our neighbors house so pretty close. Anyways I remember me and her walking home and just as we were approaching the mailbox there was a truck cruising down the street in the direction towards us. Just the way it rolled gave off a predatory vibe. So I remember looking at it sideways and as we got closer to the mailbox it pulled by the curb. Now we were right in front of the mailbox and this guy got out. I stopped in my tracks shhh'd my sister(rambling) and grabbed her hand and gave him the stankiest look I possibly could. He whips out this key and goes "I'm checking my mail". I just shook my head to say "No." and we literally circled each other giving each other stank face. As soon as I was around him me and my sister ran straight home. He didn't check his mail! We had to go through the garage so we stood there waiting for it to open looking at him. He got straight into his truck and drove off never to be seen again. I always wonder if....ya know I'm just being dramatic. But I lived on that street for years! The model homes were still there when we first moved. I never seen his face, his truck. And I did not know him. Knew everyone else or at least they were familiar faces. But this guy. And there was a mailbox at the top of the street where he came from. Oh well, I just always want to tell this story. Because misunderstanding or not. That was an intense walk home.
For some background, my girlfriend and I are both college students about to graduate from UC Berkeley. We spent a week in NYC this past winter doing interviews, exploring the city, (trying the cronut), and just generally having a good time. This often involved being out really late because our sleep schedules were adjusted to college life on the west coast which already had us going to sleep past 2:00am on an average day.
Skipping to actual events, we were coming back from getting the Halal Guys (street food) late at night and decided to take the subway. When we got to the station of our final destination, I noticed on a bench (in the center of two lines) a passed out man whose iPhone had fallen onto the ground. I was concerned and wanted to see if he was okay as there were only 3-4 other people in the station at the same time and no one else was looking at him. When I got closer to him, I could smell the alcohol that he had clearly drank too much of. I shook him a few times and he groggily responded while I tried to communicate to him where he was and why I was waking him. Seemingly understanding, he put his iPhone in his pocket and stood up. Dude walked straight and fell right onto the tracks.
He was sprawled out on the tracks and my girlfriend along with the few other people in the station immediately started yelling at him to get up. I dropped to the floor and tried to grab onto him, but the drop is fairly sizable. Luckily, he managed to sit up from his fall and hold his arms up. I grabbed his arms and yanked him back onto the platform. I told one of the other people at the station to make him stay seated as I ran to go tell the employee on duty that someone needed to take care of this guy. Once I let the station agent know, my girlfriend and I left as we still had a long walk back to our hotel near central park. I still can't believe I haven't told that story to anyone!
tl;dr extremely drunk, passed out guy in nyc decided to walk straight off subway platform in the middle of the night and I had to rescue him
Well this is late but..
My grandfather was always a jokester, not in a dad-jokes kinda way, but more like he could all these neat tricks.
Anyway, i was a kid, like 12 maybe, and me and my brother had just gotten 20 danish kroner (3.60$) and my grandfather bet us our 20 dkk, that he could run from us.
Of course we accepted because he was like in his 70' and we could double our money.
So we go out on the street and at the "go" me and my brother starts running like hell, and thats when we realize that our grandfather has run the other way.. He never said he could go faster, he just said he could run from us.
We were heartbroken, because those 20 kroner was a lot of money for us.
Of course he never took the money, he was just messing with us.
A little over a year ago he lost a 5 year battle with dementia.
I visited his grave half a year ago, opened up the hole where you plant flowers and settled the bet.
Haven't told anyone about it.
I tried running away from home when I was younger. I forget how old, maybe 6-8. Don't even remember why I wanted to run away. I put my stuffed Cookie Monster on their bedside table as a goodbye, and went into the living room to write my little kindergarten good-bye letter.
After I finished, I tried turning off the lamp but I just couldn't do it. Literally, I just couldn't turn it off. It had a shitty little knob like this. For some reason, little 6-8 year old me broke down crying because I couldn't turn off the lamp. My mom woke up and found me crying in the living room.
The only thing I remember after that is her turning off the light.
When I was 11 there was a phase where guys liked to "go body" where it was basically a fist fight except you couldn't hit anyone in the face or balls. This kid was talking a lot of shit to me about my weight (I was a normal 130lb kid surrounded by skinny Mexicans but whatever) and so I challenged him to go body in the restroom at lunch. I was told he was there when I was done eating so I walked through the hall with a fucking purpose. 4 people behind me to come watch, I kick open the door and the door slams into this little tubby 2nd grader's chocolate milk which goes straight into his face and knocks him on his ass. Everyone started laughing but I paid no attention to it because I was getting psyched. We "fought" I backed him into a corner and threw some shots. It was immediately stopped to the sound of the door opening, everyone went quiet and I looked over to see the principal with the fat kid I had KO'ed earlier. The best part was, this kids face was covered in blood, chocolate milk, snot and tears, while he was crying hysterically. It sounds fucked up but it was the funniest thing of all time.
6 years ago I lived in a nice apartment with my 1yearold son, and my wife, I worked a great job as a fabricator and life was going great. Then one day I am walking up the walkway to my front door , to do this the walkway had to go parrellel to my porch, as I walk up hoping to see my little man in the long glass that's in the door to my porch, (he knows when I come home and would stand there waiting) what do I see but my wife on her shoulders back against the couch, she was a hymnody and into yoga but never used the couch, but then I see legs that are not hers, I get a different angle and closer and here is some dude Drillpressing my wife, now I am not in total love with this women, but we have a kid and have gotten married so if I could keep the pocket python in check her pussy could too. So I walk back to my car, in holster my .45 and start pulling the bullets out of the magazine. Now before you go man that was smart of you, you did the right thing let me explain. I had just gotten home from the military 1.5 years earlier , and suffer slightly from PTSD, what was going trough my head was I could do it with 1 bullet, no wait 2 in case I hit bone, I right then decided that that was not gonna work because of thin walls and my son in his room. So I looked at my KaBar I snuck home from the service, I could take them out at gunpoint to the retention pond then stab him to death after knocking her unconscious, then just toss her into the water and she would drowned, at the moment I had my plan together I thought of the violence I saw as a child in a abusive home, and how having a drug addict mother was like having none at all and how hard that was, so I loaded my gun and put it into the glove box, and waited with a laboratory paper that I had sitting in my car. I got out and waited, I knew he would be liked out soon as she would know I would be home soon. I saw him walking brisket down that same walkway and I whipped up some tears by poking myself in the eyes, and started to sob and pace back and forth. When he got close I grabbed him knowing he was rushing to avoid the husband as "he is usually home by now" I said " get man I need help, please! " he doesn't know go I am and saw this as a oppertunity to be where he was other then fucking someone's wife. I said " I cheated on my wife J*** a few months back didn't feel well" and look at this waving the lab paper in his face " I have fucking HIV ducking HIV almost fucking AiDs !!! And now I have to tell my wife I gave it to her!!!" Please tell me how I am going to fucking do that god dammit " and I just fell to my knees" he asked to see the lab paper and I refused, saying I just gotta do this, he kept asking to see it, I am a nurse I can help let me see, he really was pushing but I played it off like I had to get moving. It's funny cause by time I got in the house she was in the shower and left her phone out, he was texting her crazy!! Asking what I looked like and if I told her I has HIV, but she wouldn't respond while I was around.
I divorced her also got primary custody of our son , remarried as happily ever after without the ninja, and this wife lets me do the drill press so I am happy:)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:12:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in grade school, I saw some ninth graders playing football (I was like 7 or 8 at the time). One of them kicked up the ball into the air, and two other players from opposite teams both rushed for it. They both kicked upwards at the ball at once. The result? The ball flies into the air, too far up for me to see it (yes, above the fucking clouds). 30 seconds later, it comes falling down and they continue playing. I swear it on my life.
When I was young and lived in a village I would on a friday night bike to the city to go drinking with friends who lived there. On one such night while biking back home drunk I thought it would be a grand idea to have a little rest because I was tired from biking against the wind. In my backpack I had a quarter bottle of wodka left and I thought it was a fantastic idea to turn into woods, make a campfire and have a drink.
So I left my bike in the woods and started to look for suitable branches. I'd find a branch, walk back, dump it and go look for another one. After a few times of that I noticed that I probably was walking back to a different place each time. Could not find my bike or backpack, which I had placed next to it.
Trudged through the woods for about an hour looking for my bike. Finally gave up, found a ditch to sleep in, covered myself with my jacket and fell asleep.
Awoke at first light and being slightly more sober I managed to find my bike again by finding the road and the turn into the woods I had biked into, retracing my steps.
When I finally got home it was 10 in the moring and I was dirty and scratched from branches.
That when things went to utter shit in America for me, I sold everything I owned and moved to the Middle East to marry my boyfriend. I had NEVER met him in person (we met on Facebook) but I just took a big breath and jumped. We had been in an LDR for ~1-1.5 years, lots of Skype, Tango, Viber, WhatsApp... I just trusted that he would be there at the airport when my plane landed. He was. Of course now he's not my boyfriend, he's my husband... and I still speak next to no Arabic.
Sometimes when I pour the next glass I wonder if it will all be over. Staring at the drops falling out, slowly. I wait on every drop - waste is not acceptable when dealing with the end.
While I am talking about alcohol, I often think about the other side of the world: what if I was talking about fresh water?
I'm just hoping for the end of conscious thought, while others are grasping at life. It leaves me wondering, where would I prefer to be?
After getting near blackout drunk one night I ended up charging $500 in a "massage" parlor in Tokyo. Drunk me decided to sign the receipt in Hiragana, which made total sense since I was in Japan. But since I'm from the US the sudden high charge in a foreign country combined with a signature that did not match my own ultimately caused my bank to charge back the money. I don't think I'll be showing my face around there again.
My best friend and I hadn't spoke in weeks. When we finally did she cried and hung up for probably no reason. And we went a few more weeks without talked again. When we talked again, and she blamed me for sleeping with another old friend the same night she cried. A couple weeks later she takes a pregnancy test which turns out she got pregnant when we fought and then blamed me. So, according to her I'm the reason she got knocked up.
A few years ago I had just come out of a messy divorce and had thrown myself into work, partly to keep my head occupied and partly to keep afloat financially. this meant that I worked away from home a lot and it made it quite difficult to meet somebody new and after a few months I started to really miss having some intimacy in my life so I turned to the Mos Eisly of the internet, the Craigslist personnels section.
I'm pretty web savvy and well aware of the shark tank I was diving into so it came as no surprise that virtually all the replies I received were from scammers, spammers and trolls, these were all duly ignored /toyed with.
One message was a little different though, a woman in her mid 40's replied saying that she too had just been through a messy separation and would love to meet me at my hotel. She attached a photo to her email and she was very, very attractive (and vaguely familiar), which immediately had my scam senses tingling, but as I was using a disposable email address with no identifying information attached to it I though what the hell, I'll bite.
We swapped messages for a few days and I slowly began to realise that maybe she wasn't a scammer after all and after I explained that I was a bit nervous because of her too-good-to-be-true photo and I took her up on her offer to send me a selfie holding a household item of my choosing as a way to verify that her picture was genuine.
So the photo arrived and yep, there she was holding a loaf of bread looking even more stunning. But the interesting thing was that she must have sent this from her phone and the email client on there had attached her full name to the message. That's when I realised that I knew who she was, a writer who while not incredibly well known generally, was pretty famous within her genre and I had read some of her work.
I reciprocated with a photo myself and she didn't recoil in terror so we agreed to meet at the hotel I would be staying in just outside London.
On the night I waited outside the hotel as agreed, it was a warm summer night and I sat at one of the outdoor tables nursing a beer and feeling equal parts terrified and excited but she didn't show.
I waited a while longer but it started to get chilly, so crestfallen I decided to call it a night and went back inside. I was just heading back to my room when on impulse I decided to swing by the bar and grab another beer to take with me.
I ordered my beer at the bar, turned around and there she was. She looked pretty in the photo's she sent but in the flesh she was beautiful and certainly well out of my league, I was batting well above my average here. I bought her a drink and we found a quiet corner of the bar to sit in. Conversation was a little awkward though as she had expressed a desire to remain anonymous and me knowing who she was made the usual small-talk difficult. I was quite relieved when she suggested we get room service instead of another drink at the bar.
We swapped a couple of emails in the subsequent days, I left her an email address where she could contact me but I never heard from her again.
I followed her work afterwards and although she doesn't seem to be actively publishing any longer, I did smile when I read one of her short stories about a female alien, stranded on earth who laid her eggs inside the bodies of men after she chose her victims from internet personnels sites.
I've read that story, I'm sure of it - but I can't remember the author.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I was about 13, and every Wednesday I'd go round my friend's house and have a guitar lesson. Me, him, and his older brother all had the same teacher.
So me and my friend walk in the door after school and the older brother, Bradley, comes and stands at the top of the stairs. He shouts down that he got a load of sweets at college and then chucks them down.
I was talking to my guitar teacher, who was standing just outside the living room, so I wasn't really paying attention. When I heard him throw the sweets, I just reached out and caught them, one handed, without looking, continuing the conversation the whole time. Coolest thing I've done, and I don't even like sweets.
Legaato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:06:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Two of my friends and I would always drive around town and try to find good, discrete places to smoke weed. One day we pull up on the side of a grocery store in an alley and there are two big shipping containers lined up against the wall with space in the middle big enough to park my car. So I back my car between the two shipping containers and pack a bowl in my bubbler. We smoke it all and we're just chillin' there when all of a sudden a fucking COP CAR PULLS UP IN THIS RANDOM ASS ALLEY NEXT TO A GROCERY STORE and stops in front of us. The cop rolls down his window and yells, "What are you guys doing in there?!" Queue all three of us shitting bricks. I roll down my window and say, "Nothing!" The cop replies with, "Are you guys fagging off back here?" My friend in the front seat and I both stoned as hell, nod our heads and say yes at the exact same moment. Then the cop tells us to get the hell out of there.
Now, my friends and I aren't gay so we certainly weren't doing anything sexual in my car, but for some reason I guess cops don't like to mess with gay people. The fact that my friend and I, unbeknownst to each other, both nodded to his (hilarious) question got us off the hook that day.
Me and my buddy (He introduced me to Reddit) were hanging out on his porch. It was around 2 AM and we were just drinking and talking sports. I was smoking a cigarette and once I was finished, I flicked it towards the ash tray on the floor. It was a big ash tray and I was surprised I missed. Looked down and the cigarette was standing right side up. Luckily he was a witness. Doubt I can do that again in a million years even if I tried.
It was the start of the school year. Just after assembly I was tasked to do something for my teacher. I no longer remember what I had to do that day, but immediately after that, practically everyone in the school scattered and moved back into their classrooms.
There was no order over the PA system, no nothing. Everyone just started moving double time back to their classrooms, which is really out of character for my school.
When I returned to the classroom, everyone was quieter than usual. The teacher was there, and he seemed to know something we don't. Rumours started to fly around. Some students said that someone just committed suicide. Others were speculating which year/class the student was from. No one seemed to know, and the teacher advised the students to stop discussing about it, which we all followed since we didn't have any information in the first place.
The next week, the principal gave an update, confirming that a junior (I was at my final year. Everyone is a junior by then.) had indeed jumped off the fourth level (not roof) of the school. What's tragic was that the student did not die immediately; he died in hospital.
Given that the school was only 9 years old at the time of that incident, it came across as rather creepy.
I used to live in Orlando and while there I started to sell weed. Eventually, I sold other things as well but nothing bad for you only psychedelics. (lsd, shrooms, dmt, etc....). Anyways, I was selling either a quarter pound or half pound to this guy for about 7 months straight every couple of days to a week or so.
After I move into a really nice house with 4 of my friends, one day I get a text from him asking if I or anyone I know could get a qp but bring it to him since his friend's car didnt have a lot of gas. I said sure but then remembered I had class when he needed it, so I had my roommate do it for me since he volunteered.
He took the qp with him and said thet since they didnt want to make him go the whole way, they would meet him at a gas station and they did. The guy came up to my roommates car and looked at what he was getting and said awesome and went to his car to get the money, which is when my roommate realized it was a bust happenning and he got out of the car and was tackled to the ground by 4 Drug Enforcement Division officers that are huge (He is 5'6" around 100lb awesome Polynesian guy). And gets his knees fucked up. This bust now gives them the probable cause to bust down my front door and go through my house looking to see who was there. Only one guy was there and was on the couch.
The third roommate was picked up while he was coming home from going on a run. Then I was coming home and my friend texted me asking if he could come over and hangout, so he was on his way.
I get out of my car and when I go to reach for the front door, my hand is grabbed, backpack taken off and piut in ziptie handcuffs. I was put in my garage as we made it a party garage so there were couches. My friend got there and the same thing happened to him as it did to me and then we were sitting with each other. We are brought in to the living room once they realize the garage gets hot in the middle of the day.
While sitting there, my last roommate gets home and is put on the couch with us. Then three of the officers put on my 360 and netflix and asked how to use the controller to get something they wanted to watch.
By the way, the search warrant is still being written and waiting to be signed by the judge at this time.
Anyways we winded up watching Act of Valor and a few episodes of Workaholics with all 10 of them. Then the warrant was signed and finialized and we were taken to the DED offices and were held and questioned and then taken to the booking and release center where I found out I was being charged with 7 felonies and 1 misdemeanor. My roommates and friend were all brought to jail with me and we each got out within a few days. I was in there the longest as I also had the most charges and bail which was $51,000, but I was still only in there for 8 days total, didn't even fully get booked before I bonded out.
Wound up having to pay court fines of about $3000, 50 hours of community service, a year of probation with random drug tests and a possible 6 month early termination. Was tested 3 times total and I get off probation midnight on June 2.
This won't compare to other stories here, but I've got a couple of voice acting parts (it's a hobby) for a fan made anime movie (Hetalia). I want to tell my friends and family but they won't really care nor understand so I'm telling you guys, thanks for reading :)
D1rg3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:49:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is something I've now told to a large group of my friends as of a day ago... alcohol a lot of alcohol
"I found you on gone wild. (points at said friend in group) your butthole is really stretchy"
When I was 10, I was being an idiot and waving a bunch of really, really expensive knives around. I dropped one, and as it fell the point stabbed exactly between my big toe and the next one. The end snapped off, and it kind of looked like a cheese knife.
I very, very carefully spend the next 6 hours sanding it down until it looked like the cheese knife I googled. I then proceeded to place it back in the drawer, and hoped like hell nobody would find out.
I'm in my 20s, and I have yet to be found out. I declare myself cheese ninja.
I went to an interesting school. It was a K-12 school, where the elementary students (grades 1-5) were in a series of large interconnected rooms, as well as middle school, and the high school was on the other side of the school and acted like a normal high school with just a bunch of little kids running around the other side of the building. My first year here I was entering the 5th grade. (This school was in the rich nice part of town, and my mom wanted my brother and I to go there so we weren't essentially a minority at any other school we could of gone to.) On Martin Luther King JR. day our teachers decided to do a social experiment about racism.
The experiment was to separate everyone who had blue eyes, from the people with brown eyes. The people with blue eyes were to be the persecuted, where as the people with brown eyes were the ones who got well treatment. Of course, I have blue eyes. At first we were segregated. Our teachers completely separated myself and about 15 other student from our class (remember grades 1-5) of 40-55 students. At first this wasn't a big deal, as a little kid I thought it more of a game. Though, as a kid you get bored quick. So in my mind when the 'game' was over I stopped following the rules. I suppose that's the point when I found out this wasn't exactly a game. When I moved from my tight group of 15 I was scold by my teachers. When I spoke to someone with brown eyes, I was again scolded. We were honestly treated with a half par from our teachers who were following orders to in act this experiment.
They made us line up against the wall, and wait and watch as all the other students got to enter the cafeteria, and only after the brown eyed children got their food did they let us eat. Which honestly only gave us about 10 mins to eat before we had to go back to class. If we raised our hands, no one would call on us, and we were told to be quiet when ever we spoke without being spoken to. They even encouraged the brown eyed children to be mean to us and to get away with it. It was probably the worst experience I've ever felt in a public schooling environment, and needless to say, by the end of the day most of us were in tears and asking our teachers what we did to deserve this. Needless to say the was the one and only year that that experiment went on, and the teacher who proposed the idea didn't come back the following year.
TLDR: The reason I don't judge people based on the color of their skin, is because when I was 10, my teachers made me feel what it's like to be persecuted, and I never want to go through anything like that ever again, nor succumb anyone to anything like that.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:40:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was sitting in a sofa at a friend's party, just talking to some people. My roommate shows up and ask me if I want a beer. He tosses it to me, a bad throw arcing over my head. I keep talking, looking at the person I'm speaking to, and reach up over my head and grab the beer.
I felt like a boss when I had my victory sip.
I don't know why i want to share this, i just kind of want some finality i guess.
A few years ago I was sitting on the beach during July 4th and I got hit in the eye with a bottlerocket. The odd thing is I wasn't shooting off fireworks with my friends, we were just sitting on the beach hanging out. I looked over previously and saw a few drunk people shooting misfiring fireworks that were going everywhere: straight up, backwords over the houses, etc. One happened to shoot sideways and smacked me in the corner of my left eye, knocking me out immediately. A centimeter left and the bottlerocket would have taken my vision. I still have worse vision in my left eye because of this situation. I spent all night in the hospital and had a bruised retina in risk of detaching, so I couldn't play football anymore.
I have no idea who these people were, and I don't know if they even saw it hit me. Whoever you are, fuck you.
About 10 years ago I was out late heading home from a heavy weed session with a good friend of mine. He didn't have any computers at his home so I'd always bring over my Xbox and PS2 so we could both get high, play video games and watch Family Guy. Anyway I'm walking home (pretty high) carrying a heavy-ass backpack containing my consoles when I notice a couple of youth across the road staring at me. I take no notice and keep on heading home when suddenly I feel a push from behind. They were trying to grab my backpack and all I could think of was "this is a dream, this is a dream". I get forced on the floor looking up at these two guys trying to rob me when suddenly they look up and scatter off. It turns out some decent soul saw us while driving past, decided to stop his car and get out, shouting at the kids to scare them off. He gives me his hand and picks me up off the floor and asks if I'm ok. I'm just stammering, mumbling at this time, still trying to figure out what just happened. I'm sure there was a "thank you" somewhere within my incoherent mumbling but I cannot be sure. I'll never forget that guy and so wish I knew who he was so I could actually THANK him properly, especially considering my Xbox was heavily modded by my brother which he packed with emulators and XBMC before giving to me as a Christmas present. To me that fucking thing is priceless. In fact I still have that Xbox hooked up to my TV although I haven't used it in years. Still trying to 'pay it forward' :\
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:06:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few weeks ago I heard a terrible sound (it actually was kind of scary) and when I went to investigate, I found an ant clinging on to the mesh on the top of my PC. He had fallen into the fan and was getting bounced around. I saw him fall 2 more times and he survived both times, I don't understand how he wasn't chopped up. My only guess is that the fan was moving so fast it'd just bounce him up in the air a few times until he could grab something. I put a slip of paper down to make it easier for him to get out, and then I couldn't bring myself to kill him. I hope he gets out before I put the poison down. I don't know how long ants live, so he's probably dead anyway.
I don't really tell this much but me and my partner were Google+ users before it became open to the public. It was a small community so everybody talked to everybody else, and me and another girl started talking. Long story real short, we're married now and we are officially the first ever Google+ couple.
This will probably not be seen now but Ive always wanted to tell this to someone.
When I discovered Omegle I went on a small Omegle bender, I loved how I could meet people all over the world and what not.
So I click the button to meet someone and there on my screen was Chris Brown. It was 3am where I was in bed not being able to sleep and he was in the recording studio with his homies.
I say hi and we chat a little and I say to him " you look familiar" he says "yeah" and is doing some stuff on his record making machines. I knew who he was but I said are you famous and he replys "a bit lol"
So we are chit chattin and he is having a bit of a dance lol and asks me to dance for him to which I say "Im in bed lol" after about 20 mins I get bored and "next" him and that was that.
This is where the story gets slightly more interesting, the next night I go on Omegle again and Im clicking through sucsession of people "nexting" them till I get someone who looks interesting and the next one i get was ....wait for it Drake!!! lol but I hit the button as I was thinking in my mind "shit that was Drake"
Shame really because I like Drake and not so much Chris Brown lol
I bought an expensive vacation package at an auction without running it by my SO. Got home and told him about it, thinking he'd be excited, but he can't get the time off work. I told him I could get out of it, but so far, I haven't been able to. I don't know how to break it to him. I'm hoping someone we know will want to buy the vacation package. I was awake for hours last night, worrying about it.
That said, anyone want to go to Hawaii this fall?
I was on my way to the store to pick up some beer and as I was at an intersection waiting for the light to change I heard this ungodly racket coming from the gas station right next to me. Someone was driving away with the gaz nozzle still in their tank. It ripped right clean free from the pump and the guy just drives away like he's completely oblivious to what just happened.
So I make a right turn at the red light to catch up to him and pull alongside him. It's an elderly doddering old geezer who looks 90 years old. And if he wasn't 90, then it's because he was 100. I roll down my window and I yelled. And he reacts like he just woke up and realized he's driving a car. He doesn't hear a gas nozzle being ripped from the pump but someone shouting to his window nearly makes him wreck the car. He's got this old lady sitting next to him that I'm assuming is his wife and they both look scared shitless.
"THERE'S A GAS NOZZLE STUCK IN YOUR CAR!"
And I'm pointing to the back of his car. He doesn't turn around to look, he just looks at me like I'm a crazy person. And his wife hits him on the chest and says;
"Don't pay any attention to him! He's crazy!"
So I tried shouting again there was a gas nozzle stuck in his car and the old lady climbs over her husband to shout out the window
"LEAVE US ALONE YOU CRAZY PERSON!"
Then she hits her husband in the chest again and screamed at him to drive away. And he floors it. And he's not driving some giant beast of a forty year old Cadillac. He's driving a brand new four door Honda which will go pretty darn fast if you put your foot down. So he just tears off down the street at highway speed. Cuts off two people, he's out of control hitting the curb and knocking over garbage cans. It's fuckin mayhem.
I'm sitting in my car full of empty beer bottles and I don't even have a cell phone to call the cops with. So I said fuck it. I gave up and started heading back to the beer store.
I bet that doddering old biffer didn't even notice the gas nozzle when he got home. He went home, went to bed, and when he woke up the next day he asked himself why do vandals keep sticking gas nozzles in his car? That's like the third time this month they've done that.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I told this a few days ago and it's where this name comes from but...
Kid's this is the story of how I met my teacher...
Walk into class one day, late because no first period and fuck it, it's 11th grade, nbd. First class I sit down, look up and who do I see but this gorgeous woman, blonde hair, smile on her face, the cutest dimples in her cheeks, and a bounce in every step. The excitement from her is palpable. Now Of course, I thought she was physically attractive but I had her class everyday meaning I didn't associate her very much with fun.
Let's go forward one year(no reason to go full ted mosby on you guys) and I decide to go visit her class, she was one of my favorite teachers last year so I thought why the hell not, I got 20 minutes to kill after school most days, let's talk and become friends.
First conversation with her was just after she put a student back in his place with an authority she had never needed to wield in my class with her last year. Told her she had a talent for it, her reply that struck me to the core and started my journey down the rabbit hole "You have no idea how talented I am" with a sly wink.
Okay I remember a few years back I was walking a girl to the train station at 2am. We had made out quite a bit at a party so I figured I would walk her to the train station as it was on the way.
So we get to the train station and talk and stuff she asks me to come with her but I say no as I was still a virgin and wanted my 1st time to be with someone I genuinely cared about. Suddenly this drugged up guy starts yelling at us and stuff like "Hey girl got an itch? I will scratch" and she gets scared and he starts approaching us so being as naive as was I figure he can't be dangerous and walk up to him. We start chatting I ask him to quiet down as the girl got scared and started crying (she was wasted). Out of nowhere the guy pulls a syringe filled with something god knows what and asks if I want some. Naturally I say no and he goes "yea you better not it's disgusting" and we talk. He starts talking about the party he was at and I say "Where did you come from" , I wanted to know how far away the actual party was not like he's story, he gets mad pulls a knife on me. He goes all "what the hell am I not good enough? I have to come from somewhere good or something!?" . I have no idea what to do and just stand still staring couldn't move a muscle. The however thinks I'm not scared and that I am waiting for him to attack or something and goes "holy shit man you got balls standing up to me" (I was 15 at the time he was late 20s atleast and a lot bigger) and puts the knife away. The train finally arrives and the girl gets on and I say goodbye to the guy and then the girl. Scariest moment of my life hands down.
Tl;Dr I wanted the girl I was with at a party to be safe and I get a death threat.
Last summer, I was on an organized backpacking trip in Thailand. My group had just been through a reasonably long day of transit (flying from Chiang Mai to Phuket, then taking a van from Phuket to an eco-lodge about 3 hours away), so after dinner, they all went to their cabins to sleep. I wasn't tired, though, so I went to the loft above the kitchen to do some reading.
When I got up there, some folks (ages ranging 30-45 vs. my 20 at the time) were hanging out and smoking. Thai laws about weed are extremely strict, so it was the first time I'd seen anyone smoking since I got there. I didn't want to bother them, so I sat on the opposite end of the loft.
After about five minutes, one of the women called out for me and asked if I wanted to join them, because they were about to jam. Hell, it was better than reading, so I went and sat on the floor cushions next to them. They asked a bit about me, and it became pretty obvious that I was living a life totally different from theirs - I was an economics student from the DC area, and they were expats and travelers who had been away from the USA and Canada for several years. They offered to smoke me out, but I had to decline because, at the time, I was applying to intern with the CIA.
We talked politics, economics, and the like - but the point of the discussion was really that they had been living in the jungle for so long that they had forgotten how invested people are in politics day-to-day. Living in DC, everyone is so attached to their political views and storylines that I had forgotten there was another way. Over the discussion, they completely changed my perspective on how I could live my life. That night I decided I didn't want to join the CIA, but that I'd rather find a way to live where I can just be, rather than participating in a cycle of production and consumption.
We jammed out with a few guitars and various simple percussion instruments, and generally had a great, chill evening in the middle of the jungle. Unfortunately, as I found out, they were leaving the next morning, which was too bad since I wanted the rest of my group to meet them.
The next morning I came to the patio area for breakfast before the rest of my group, and "the expats," as I refer to them now, were all eating already. They were super friendly, we discussed hopefully seeing each other again someday, and they left. A few minutes later, people from my group started straggling in, and I realized that I'd never be able to share these incredible people with my own travel group.
I still think about them all the time, and hope that I will soon make it back to Thailand and somehow find them again. I'm doing a 6-month internship at a generic Fortune 500 company right now, but thanks in part to the expats, I am planning on moving to the jungle to help develop an eco-hotel after I graduate.
TL;DR - Met great people who changed my life in an eco-hotel in the Thai jungle, but have no way of proving they exist.
In grade 3 or 4, whenever a pencil crayon's lead would break off, I'd collect them. Eventually it became a currency in our class, and whenever people would need to borrow something, you'd ask for a certain amount of pencil leads. We'd set up our shops during class, and eventually started exchanging pencil leads for food, help with homework, etc. People would open up different shops, there was a tattoo artist, pencil dealer, eraser dealer, candy sellers, and all sorts of things. Our school had a milk program, and we came up with this idea to save our milk and pour it into snow to make ice cream. At first we had this nice little economic system within our class, then it spread to other classes and eventually the whole school. The teachers first caught on when they saw people with increasingly smaller pencils. We'd sharpen and break them, repeating until there was no pencil left. Then they found out about the ice cream. That's when they took action, and tried to get us to stop. At recess they'd have the supervisors searching us like hawks, and we'd start shovelling snow into our hats, and sneak inside to continue the ice cream making inside. We were in the clear for a while until the principal held a special assembly just for us to talk about the proper use of milk, and how it should not be used for making ice cream. Next, our teachers addressed us and told us that there are kids in Africa who can't afford pencils. We were told to stop and think about a way that all of our pencils leads could be used in a better, more friendly way. We got bored and decided to stop.
I took 9 grams of shrooms and watched The Lego movie (its about inspiring other and getting up and going)... Needless to say I was bawling my eyes out with tears of joy at the end and have forever had a completely different and positive mindset
New Year's Eve. My husband, myself and friends were attending a buffet dinner/comedy show at a local hotel. I'm all dressed up, high heels and long tight dress with slit up thigh. Go through buffet line, get plate of food. As I'm crossing the dance floor, my heel breaks. I go straight down into a half split with my leg out the slit of my dress. Do not drop plate! Do not spill one drop of food. The house band that was behind me loses it. My husband helps me up to a round of applause.
When I was 16, I really wanted to drive my dad's car and be "cool". I haven't got my permit yet, and I tried to go reverse, but went forward instead. My cat was right in front of the front tire, and she died from her injuries. My mentally ill brother absolutely adored this cat, and I never has the heart to tell him I killed her, so I told him she ran away instead. My dad was pissed and we decided to keep it a secret that she died. My brother was 6 years old at the that time, and 10 years later he is still trying to find her everyday. I tried buying him a new cat, but he refuses to take it unless it's Peanut (my cat). Everyday he calls me (with my dad's help) and says he didn't find her that day, but will tomorrow with so much excitement. I come and visit each year and he asks me to help look. Still feel bad about it, maybe I should tell him?
TL;DR: Wrecked the pussy, brother still trying to recover from the wreckin'.
Many years ago I went to see a movie with some friends of mine in a town called Gimli. For those who don't know it has a harbour and a very lively beach scene, it sits right on the biggest lake in the province, Lake Winnipeg. It is second only to the great lakes in terms of size. The province is known as The Land Of 10,000 Lakes, and this was even on license plates for a while before being changed. Seeing as how Minnesota has the same slogan.
In any case docked in the harbour is the Lake Winnipeg Research Vessel, or the Namao, a huge science vessel that spends months at a time out on the lake doing research on things that I couldn't begin to understand enough to explain. It has a special spot right at the mouth of the harbour, and it is not uncommon in the summer to see tourists gawking at it when they walk out on the pier. It gets a lo of attention, especially considering it's docking site is right by a handful of other tourist attractions.
So my friends and I have seen the movie, I think it was the first spiderman movie with Toby Maguire, and we're talking a walk around town to kill time. It's late, the tourists are snug in their hotel beds, and we hit the pier. Eventually we walk out to the end and find that The Namao is home. We're standing around a bit when a crewman comes out for a smoke and somehow, I don't recall how it happened, we struck up a conversation with him. He was a funny guy, real friendly, and when he turned to go back inside he asked us if we wanted to join him.
That doesn't happen. Ever. Period. So we said yes, obviously, and he opened up the walkway and lowered it for us. He showed us everything, even the parts of the ship that are below the waterline. It was an incredible experience that I can't do justice to in words. Oddly enough there was nobody else there, I imagine the rest of the crew had already left for home. Odds are that if he hadn't been the only one on board he would never have let us on board. It was my first time on a ship, seeing the maps and navigation charts and all the things that made that ship special.
I've never been on another ship since, but it's an experience that I remember fondly.
About ten or so years ago, I had a "friend" who cooked meth and had just made a batch. I got my split from him since I had run around a few states and bought supplies for it. After about 3 days of not sleeping I decided I was going to drive to Louisiana from Iowa to go visit a friend.
Around two o'clock in the morning, my butane lighter ran out of fluid. This was a huge inconvenience cause how are you suppose to smoke meth if your lighter won't light? My girlfriend was driving at the time so I decided that it was a perfect time to refill the lighter. In my state of delirium I thought it would be best to use a flashlight to find my supplies cause it would be a lot more inconspicuous than using the dome light :). I find my supplies and the the flashlight on the dash, but forgot to turn it off and it is shining straight out of the front winshield. I start to fill the lighter with butane, but can't tell for sure cause it is really dark. I am still extremely adamant about not turning on the dome light and I had forgot where I put the flashlight. How am am I going to figure out if I've really filled the lighter or not? Well I just so happen to have a Bic lighter in the middle console. I grab the lighter and give it a good flick. The next thing I know my whole arm is engulfed in blue flames... I start waving the fucking thing around frantically and it goes out after about 5-10 seconds. I finally turn the dome light on to check the damage to my arm and luckily there was none--just some burnt hair. I also find my flashlight that was on and pointing out the fucking front window! This is the last time I thought it was a good idea to stay up for three days and go on a long roadtrip.
TL;DR: Don't try to fill a butane lighter on the Kansas turnpike after you've been up for three days on meth.
When me and my friends were at six flags in california, we got bored after our third day. Being the immature 14 year olds we are, we decided to try to get banned from the park. My friend flips off the camera on the "Medusa" (biggest ride there). As we're getting off the ride, we walk up to the ticket booth. Now, I'm with two friends. One is called Austin, a mature, fun person. The other is called Devon, a fucking legend. So the attendant tells us to never flip off the cameras again. That was enough for Austin and I, as we started walking away. But oh fucking no, not enough for Devon. Austin and I's heads slowly turn around as we hear Devon's loud voice, peircing the crowd, with the words "HEY!". Everyone nearby could hear the aggresive word, as we all waited for his next statement. It seemed like he was picking his next words carefully. Suddenly, he screamed "FUCK YOU!!". Everyone gasped, and stared in horror, as the three of us dashed into the distance. I saw Austin and Devon run out into the parking lot, as I hid behind a bush.
Vexan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:04:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just got my Doctorate yesterday. Pomp, circumstance, the whole thing. Got through two graduation ceremonies (in a heavy velvet laced robe and cap in 77 Deg humid/rainy weather while wearing a suit underneath and trying not to pass out the entire time) the obligatory awkward dinner with family, meeting up with my closest friend who recently got diagnosed with breast cancer at 36 and has lost all of her hair - and some of her health - due to the chemo... and managed to run over a bunny on the way home. Didn't have time to swerve.
I would re-do the entire sweaty, heat-induced, stressful and weirdly tragic day just to have the chance to know when that damn rabbit was coming so I could let him cross safely.....
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:06:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just a few months before 9/11 happened, i got to ride in the cockpit of a jetplane mid flight. The captian gave me a pin too. They had an entire box of spares in the corner.
Propably wasn't legal but i don't care! If you're out there mister captian, you're a badass. Fly on!
My sister loves to remind that when I was a baby, my mother picked me up, held me in the air and laughed at how I smiled. Then I peed straight into her mouth.
spuch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was in college and after a night of drinking, a few buddies and I decide to head over to jimmy johns for some late night subs. When we get there, there are two extremely attractive girls in front of us wearing very revealing clothing. Now me being the freshman decide to stare at these ladies glorious bootys. As this is going on, I spot an old lady out the corner of my eye, eyeing me down and shaking her head at me. I ignore her and start looking again. To my surprise this lady comes up to me and tells me "I know what you're doing, don't you think about raping these poor girls". Now I would never consider doing such a thing so I nonchalantly laugh it off but this lady is persistent. She continues to tell me that she knows my mother and she will find me. During all of this, it's a good thing the girls in front of me were slightly intoxicated, because they weren't fazed at all. After I get my sub, this lady comes up to me again and tells me that a dog bit her lip and she was afraid she had rabies. As we walk out of jimmy johns, we see this lady get in her car, and one last time says "I'm watching you". Me and my buddies immediately start laughing our asses off all the while wondering what the hell this lady was trying to do.
Ok, so I am an out sourced agent for a major cable company. We handle calls for every service offered by said company. I was chillin at my cubical one day, minding my own business while I was waiting for my systems to come up. The girl next to me, we'll call her "Angel", is on the call with a customer. She mutes him and is telling me about the issue and everything.
A few minutes go by and i'm about to start taking phone calls, all of a sudden Angel goes "WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST CALL ME?!" I look at her and shes in 'aftercall' so she doesn't get any calls. I ask whats wrong, as she keeps sending things through our systems to the customers cable modem. She looks me dead in the eye with this extremely pissed off look and says, "This stupid fuck called me a bitch as he was hanging up the phone. He said 'That bitch didn't do a damn thing to help.' So fuck him, i'm going to cancel his appointment and blow up his box."
A few months down the line, "Angel", is quitting. So we're chatting about that day being her last day. Laughs about different calls and things we've seen. Then she goes "You remember that guy that called me a bitch and I cancelled his appointment?", so I say yea..why? She proceeded to tell me that for the last 3 months she has cancelled appointments that he has scheduled, sent signals to his cable modem and set top boxes, and generally done her best to completely screw his account up. I knew people held grudges, but I was genuinely shocked, simply because I know i'll probably never meet the person on the other end of the phone, none of us will 9 times out of 10. But she really was offended. She then pulled out her cell phone (which isn't allowed in the building) and calls this guy and tells him that she did it and to next time, think before calling someone a fucking bitch.
So between feeling bad for this poor guy and the situation he had to endure for 3 months, I tried not to laugh. Funny and fucked up. Just gotta watch what you say to people over the phone, not everyone will brush that off!
This is probably going to get buried, but here goes:
I am now on my second fake tooth, which is on my top row right next to my two front teeth. My first one got loosened during Thanksgiving my sophomore year of college. There was enough friction that it would stay in during the day, but I would have to take it out every time I ate, otherwise it would easily come out in my food. Later that month, I was in a buddy's dorm room with about 9 other people, 5 guys and 4 girls. I started talking to this one girl, and we somehow bonded over the fact that our dads were both pastors (no way! let's take a shot!). After a decent amount of alcohol in our bellies, we decided to go back to her room and "watch Arrested Development." We turned it on, and immediately started making out. Over the course of the next half hour, we both had our shirts off, and I was on top of her on the couch. Suddenly, she asked: "Were you chewing gum?" I said, "No, why?" She said, "I definitely just swallowed something." I put my finger to my mouth, and to my horror, my tooth was gone. She swallowed my fucking tooth.
She knew exactly what happened, since I was showing off my fake tooth earlier. She drunkenly calls her roommate immediately: "Christie, you have to get over here and help me throw up so I can get this guy's tooth back!" All I heard is a "WHAT?!?" on the other line, but she came pretty quick. The two of them went into the bathroom to try to make her throw up, meanwhile I drunkenly ripped apart the couches, beds, everything, trying to convince myself that it actually fell down into the cushions or something. Eventually I just sat down and stared at the ground wondering what the hell I was going to tell my dad.
She couldn't throw up for whatever reason, and her friend said that maybe we should just come up with something to tell my dad. We decided that since I took it out to eat, I'll just say I accidentally left it on the caf tray when I dumped my food. Perfect plan.
The next morning, in my hungover state, decided that I was already suffering enough and didn't want to lie to my dad. I was already covering my mouth when I laughed and talked, and wanted to just tell him the truth. After pacing back and forth for an hour, I called him, saying "Dad, something bad happened. I'm just going to tell you right now. Here it comes. It involved alcohol, and a girl. Ok, I'm just going to come right out with it." I avoided it for like 2 minutes, and then told him everything front to back, ending with "and then, she swallowed my tooth."
5 seconds of dead, terrifying silence. I thought I was mincemeat.
He suddenly takes a huge inhale, because he was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. We figured it out, I got fitted for a new one for free because the adhesive on that one was experimental, and never talked to the girl again.
TL;DR: A girl and I made out drunkenly and she swallowed my fake tooth, a story which my dad surprisingly thought was hilarious. I got another one for free and my other one is floating in a sewage system far away.
My friend used to say that he wanted to get so high that he would shit his pants. One night, under a bright half-moon, he did just that. In a car.
If you ask the man himself, he'll say that the offending shit simply slid out like an uncoiling snake. He'll say he was powerless to stop it.
If you ask me, I'll give you a different theory. I'll tell you about a man consumed by obsession. An obsession with reaching a high so profound that one is transported into the future to live out one's geriatric years in a single instant of bodily malfunction. The high of a crumbling, deteriorated mind that is no longer in control. That's what he wanted. He may have been powerless to stop himself from shitting his pants, but he was also unwilling to try.
We left him on a secluded residential street corner to battle his demons, figurative demons and possibly hallucinated ones, and think about what he'd done. We got a towel for him to sit on from my house and drove back to pick him up. He had in the meantime ditched his underwear. Where those unholy boxers went and where they are now are questions still ponderously whispered, on melancholy evenings when drink and smoke turn us to the past.
mobe24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:43:47 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 10, I had a Jamaican friend(same age) that I use to hang out with quite a bit. I'd just randomly show up at her house sometimes and hang out with her and her family(cousins and siblings).
One day, I knocked on their door, my friend answers and leads me to her parents bedroom. Her parents are not home.
I walk into the room where I find her older sister(teen), cousin(teen), brother(toddler), and baby brother(less than 2 years) all sitting on their parents bed watching porn. They were just sitting there flipping through the porn channels like they've done it a million times...together.
That's all I have to say.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:35 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a story I tell people at every opportunity, and this seems one. From Bertold Brecht's "Geschichten vom Herrn Keuner".
The question whether there is a god.
Someone asked Mr. K whether there's a god. Mr. K said: "I advise you to think about whether your behaviour would change depending on the answer to this question. If it wouldn't change we can drop the question. If it would change, I can at least be helpful by telling you that you have already decided: you need a god."
In freshman year of highschool there was this Senoir who could squat a little over 800 lbs. As I'm asking people around me, nobody can really remember how much he weighed. "No freaking idea." -Person 1 "Too much." -Person 2. And I honestly can't even take a guess, I seriously don't even know how much he weighed. But this steroid freak would passive aggressively insult me. And as a Freshman, I had HUGE mental issues and the smallest thing could upset me. So one day he says he likes my shirt (sounds stupid I know, but you should have been there) and I return the favor and compliment him. "I like your tits." as I walk up and flick his bronze nipples. He immediately puffs out his chest (which resembles cinder blocks), and raises his fist. Meanwhile, agoraphobic, haphephobic me, doesn't even flinch as I look him dead in the eyes. Right then, my Senoir sister walks around the corner. "Hey Anonymous Giant~~~~! <3" The Senoir opens his hand to wave and smiles at her and they head off to the weight room and I just turn around and walk out of the school and go home.
I was in a sheetz (gas/food store here in PA). Guy is in the stall with two kids...hopefully his. Kid says "look it's getting bigger like the guy in the movie!!"
When I was 13 I got a blow job from a slutty 16 year old and I've never told anyone and i was always proud of my self cuz I lasted for like 25 minutes, but later in life I realized she just sucked at giving head...
Back in college me and a cpl of my buddies went to a small get together at this girls' house. She was one of a group of four in the popular clique at the school. Kind of put you in mind of the group in "Mean Girls." I had been casually dating the "leader" of the group,Tiffany. Nothing official, but we spent quite a bit of time together and everyone thought it was serious. Tiffany had left a while before me and my buddies got there. The other 3 girls stayed and we were all drinking and shooting the shit. One of the other girls, Kristy, was crushing on me. They were very good friends, so she knew that we weren't actually an item and as the night went on her flirting turned into her just flat out telling me "I want you to fuck me!"
Well, her and I managed to slip away into the house owners bedroom. After everyone noticed we had slipped away, they did their damndest to cockblock me by repeatedly knocking and calling our cells and other childish shit. Finally after they realized it wasn't gonna work they gave up and we finally got to get down to business. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Kristy and I, Tiffany had decided to come back. She didn't know I was there, but she asked her other two minions where Kris was. They told her that she was in the bedroom.
Tiffany then opens the door, looking for Kristy and finds her with my dick down her throat...Apparently she had a different idea then I did about our relationship cause she flipped out! She walked straight over to us and punched Kristy hard as she could while she was raising up off of me! She hit her just as my dick was coming out of her mouth and caused to bite the shit out of my dick. It hurt so fucking bad that I thought she had bitten it off for a second. She then proceeded to beat the fuck out of Kristy. I was curled up in the fetal position because of the pains I was no help to her at all. The other 2 girls and 2 of the guys had to run in and pull Tiffany off of her. Needless to say, Kristy was kicked out of the clique and Tiffany led such a vendetta against her that Kris eventually transferred to another university. (I did fuck her a few weeks later before she left though :)) The moral of the story is don't piss off the queen bee!!!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:33:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But wait, you can't lie in the internet, everything on there is true!
Buy your comment is on the internet and is saying you lied, which can't be true, but it has to be, but that means one comment or the other is false but both comments the internet meaning must true but previously both be true...
When I was in University in the UK, our neighbours were from the PolyTechnic (which wasn't quite deemed a university at the time). We were in a constant state of feud. They would throw eggs at our house, we would retaliate with garbage. It came to a head when our neighbours scoured the neighbourhood for garbage, and emptied many bags of trash in our backyard.
Then me and a friend went out drinking. On the way back, after many beers, we found a large plastic gas pipe in some construction zone. As you do, we brought it home. We weren't at first sure what to do with it, but we also found some bags of cement.
So, we emptied bags of neighbourhood garbage against their back door. Then, we covered them in cement powder. Finally, we took the gas pipe, and put it through our bathroom window. We covered the cement with water using directing the water from the bath, through the shower attachment, to the pipe.
Finally, we took the big yellow plastic pipe and placed it on top of one of our friends cars a few blocks away.
Then, being very drunk, we crashed.
The next day, the police visited us and asked us about a situation next door. Apparently, they couldn't open the back door because it was fixed in place with cement (and garbage). We denied everything.
The neighbours landlord was not too happy, and evicted the PolyTechnic students, so we declared victory.
In retrospect, this was probably an evil thing to do, but at the time seem incredibly sweet.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:39:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Why not try actually talking to him and stop being a jackass about it.
iSeaUM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
News flash Mr. High school kid, you can be cool and play WoW! I did it, my friends did it. Don't be a douche and ignore your WoW friend. Even if kids give you shit for it in person, they will respect you for not being a fake bitch.
Wow. Whole lot of internet rage directed at you over this. I totally understand not being interested in talking about MMOs in real life. As long as you're polite to the kid you're not doing anything wrong.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:35:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:06:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ancel3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:45:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, so I have Tourette's syndrome, and one of my tics is a sort of mini-fistpump.
One day I was at a friend's birthday party, talking to him in a cramped hallway, when I started to back out. I had the mini-fistpump pic, and right at that exact moment his short, elderly uncle (?) decides that he has to go to the bathroom, and I end up elbowing him in the face. Before I could ask him if he was fucking sorry, (I have a really bad sutter) he gave me a strange look and tottered off into the bathroom. I'm pretty sure he didn't know me, and I haven't seen him since.
This story of mine has been copied and pasted from the "moment I snapped thread" just so you know.
First some back ground info. My family had to watch my uncles dog when he was out of town. Recently this dogs life long partner (AKA, fuck buddy) died, and he was acting a bit different. My uncle said he was fine though. This dog ( Bob we will call him ( the dogs real life name would tip off my uncle if he is a redditor)) is a large golden retriever. We had too dogs as well. One of them was an overweight golden retriever ( who is also bobs son), Max, and a medium golden doodle, Bear. So Bob was being very aggresive towards the other dogs, asserting his dominace over them.
Anyways, while I am babysitting my brothers, I hear loud growling outside. When I look I see Max and Bob fighting. They are both trying to bite eachothers necks, but Bob was the clear agressor. I openedcthe sliding glass door and start screaming at them. It just isn't working however. This is about 15 seconds in, Bear is inside, my brothers are crying and screaming, and although Max has a lot of Fat around his neck and is doing quite well at defending himself for such a placid peaceful dog, I am convinced he iis going to die.
Something in me snaps however. I am not sure what, but I believe instinct took over my mind. I readed for the plastic food pitcher I have, and throw it as hard as I could at Bob. It hit him about 3 inches behind his shoulder blade, perfectly on target. He stopped as well as Max. I got Max inside, and cried.
I am using mobile so it is a bitch to type ( no pun intended), so please comment if you want to hear what happened later.
Imediatley after, I tried to call my mom, who was babysitting at the time. I was in tears, but a problem that I just realized then was starting to come up. I had a mouth full of chewed up cereal when ai started screaming, and I was about to throw up, but was also choking at the time. I told my mom I needed to put the phone down while I got my shit together. I cut a slice of ginger and chewed on it so I wouldnt throw up, and I coughed up what I was choking on.
My mother calmed me down and gave further instructions to check for wounds. Bob was wound free, Max had a small bloody spot on his ear, but it was not more than a drop ultimately. I dabbed it up with rubbing alcohol, and went outside and got the pitcher, and let the dogs back outside. When my dad got home, I told him about it and he told me next time pour water on them. So in anticipation for that I filled up a different pitcher with water.
Later, when I fed the dogs again, a few seconds later, I heard that growling again. Exceot this time, it was between Bear and Bob. I grabbed the pitcher and walked out side to pour it on them. Except they were moving a way to fast so I had to slosh it onto them. And there was on problem with that. The mouth of the pitcher was no more than 5 inches side, probably closer to 4. I wated 2/3 mu water before I threw it at Bobs ass ( he was facing away from me).
This did nothing.
I would like to talk about Bear just for a second. Bear is the single fiestiest dog you would ever meet. He is more racoon like in behavior I would say. His squirmyness was his advantage against Bob. And it was doing him good, except he was being backed up against a wall. Also, Bob does not have fond memories of Bear. When we were on vacation and our dogs were staying with my uncle, bear would get near his pups, and would harass him. I believe his partner ( who will be called Molly from here kn out) growled at Bear one time, and Bears response was to look straight at Molly, making eye contact with her for just a few seconds, and swat her face then run away. Also, he pissed on both Molly and Bob. On the first morning of Bob staying here, Bear pounced in him, and Bob pinned him to the ground with his neck, growling ( thankfully, I am oretty sure that was more disciplining him than trying to hurt him, and my mom was there to seoerate the two).
That was not The case this time. I yelled for my dad saying who was being attacked this time ( if you were wondering, Max had letvhim self in when I went to pour the water on him) He ran over there, saw what was happening grabbed the food pitcher ( the one I used earlier to throw at Bob), and ran out after them yelling. When he got to Bob, he first started kicking him, but he was still attacking, so hestarted hitting him on his head with the bottom pitcher. That was what it took to get him to snap out of it. He stopped attacking, Bear escaped and ran inside, but my dad was not through with Bob. He continued to hit him, and my dad chased him to the edge of our pool ( it was winter, it was frozen and covered up), and my dad got his last hit in.
When he reached the edge of the pool, his arm was completely recoiled for this, just enough to deliver the maximum blow, at an ange similar to one someone would use to hit the corner where the neck meets the torso. He then swung downwards in an arc, going downwards and curving just slightly upwards, smashing the fucking pitcher on his face. Ot may just be a trick on my mind, but I remember there being an echo.
Bob defeatedly crawled to back the yard. I felt bad for him, but I kew now he wouldn't even think about attacking my pets again. I later went outside on my moms instructions, to check his head for injuries. I called him over to the door, gave him a hug, and lofted his gums to check for loose teeth. There wern't amy thankfully. Next I checked for broken bones and bloodclots. I was unsettled by a soft spot I found, but I realized he had it on the other side of his head as well. All was good.
He realized the cause was probably food. The fights both occured shortly after feeding, and Bob at my uncles house had a food dispenser that he could control ( he was surprisingly responsible in that he never overate). So we gave them all seperate bowls, and Bob got a lot more food. As back up however, I kept a large bowl full of water near by somI could actually hit them if they were further than 3 feet away. The next day I collected the pitcher fragments ( it has been 4 months, and a few are still missing I think).
A few days later when my mom told my uncle, he admitted that Bob was acting much more agressive since Molly died. He thought that being around other dogs, especially his son would make it a bit better, but he realized how it went wrong.
I'm coming home from college next week for the summer. The first thing I'm doing when I get home is going to visit my friends at the first college I graduated from. Today, my ex girlfriend texted me to ask when I'd be home (I'm assuming she heard I was visiting). I told her when and suggested we see each other and maybe have a drink. I haven't told my friends because I'm sure they wouldn't be happy about me being unable to move on from her. I don't want to move on from her, I want us to work everything out. I've been dying to tell someone this all day, but have been afraid of how my friends will react.
P.S. I think she knows my account name, but I don't know if she still remembers. If she does, this is a risky post. Whatever, I'm done being worried.
Gertiel ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:06:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was checking out customers at the register one time and a girl came in the store. She seemed to be one of those weird, "life is an anime and I'm a character in it!" 14 year old girl types. She would do weird things like pop up and down and then try to point things out in a "cute way."
Anyways one time I was busy at the register and the manager's office is at the front of the store near the register. The manager was having a bad day and yelling a bit in frustration. The girl then pops up and was like, "hey (reads my name tag all 'cute like') A-Andrew, why is the manager yelling in her office?" I told her I don't know.
She starts getting more into her character while I'm busy checking someone out and she's like, "oh c'mon Andrew you probably know why, tell me!" She batted her eyes at me and I got fed up and said, "you think life is a Japanese cartoon don't you?"
She just looked at me confused before going back to her mom. People at my register held back laughter or just shook their head slightly. Some guy afterwards towards the back of the line just said, "Well Andrew, I'd say you handled that very well."
Little late to the party but here goes... When I was in fourth grade everyone was really into Pokemon. One day I found a holographic Blastoise on the ground and ended up selling it to a kid for $10. Easiest $10 I've ever made. This gave me an idea. I started stealing cards from peoples' decks while shuffling through them, then, later that week I would sell those same cards back to them. "You lost a Charizard? Well you're in luck!" Kind of deal... Eventually I had kids (bullies) who would steal entire decks, sort through them, and take all of the good cards. They would give them to me, I would pay them based on how good the cards were, and I would sell the cards back to the kids who had them in the first place. It was my own little pokemafia... I never got caught.
So we're all at a party, 18-19 years old, tons of people maybe 100-150. most of us are in the backyard, and we're just drinking beers, shooting the shit, same old, when we hear a couple guys start to raise their voice. It's a guy i'm sort of friends with, and another guy is pushing him who I (or any of my friends) have never seen before. This is a high school party, so although we might not be friends with everyone, we can usually recognize everyone.
the two guys start pushing, and the guy i sort of know pushes really hard and knocks the guy to the ground, and says "fuck off buddy, jesus." the guy gets up, and pulls a butterfly knife out of his pocket. by this time, everyone had kinda gathered around, and once the knife is out, everyone's sort of "oh shit, this guy looks pissed, and he just got disrespected, we're gonna see a stabbing."
so while this guy is standing there, knife in his hand, ready to shiv a bitch, my buddy pablo sprints out of the house (I guess he was watching it/heard about it inside) straight towards the knife guy. Knife guy has no fucking clue whats happening - picture a 6"2 foot white guy holding a knife seeing a 5"7 bald spanish guy running towards you full speed. Knife guy just stands there, thinking he's fine, and Pablo just rushes in and uppercuts him, like legit mortal kombat style connecting right at the base of the jaw, and knife guy flies back like 2 feet, out cold instantly. Pablo looks at us and says "FUCK MY FUCKING HAND" then everyone starts cheering, while the owner of the house starts asking who the fuck this guy is and freaking out about cops. 3 guys drag knife guy to the front lawn, he wakes up 10 minutes later, and takes 10 more minutes to stumble to the park across the street, clearly concussed. We heard the next week that he was from another high school just wanted to start a fight and that he had a pretty bad concussion, but was fine otherwise. best thing I've ever witnessed, or will ever witness.
I went on a job interview one day and ended up in the elevator with two people that worked in the same office, but not near each other. You know, they knew each other by sight but not much else.
She commented on his new haircut.
And his totally innocent reply (no really) was "Yeah, I went and whacked it off at lunch...oh.... Oh, that's not what I meant."
And he kinda glanced at me and it was all I could do not to lose my cool, I just kinda grinned at him.
Fortunately they got off the elevator before I got to my floor. The minute the doors shut behind them I cracked right the fuck up. They had to have heard me.
sl0t ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I recently told my girlfriend that I love her, and it feels amazing.
Sorry, not much of a story here.
Asemco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:05:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My Brother and I were cheap when we were younger and only bought a single copy of whatever game we were going to play. We both had a PC and only 1 copy of Warcraft 3 w/ the Frozen Throne expansion. When he got Frozen Throne installed, I just finished installing the first one. He tried to get online with the Frozen Throne copy and was sad to see that I was online with the original version and we got sad that we couldn't at least play like that.
Then we decided not to be sad.
We were thinking of ways to both play besides on LAN, find codes online. No dice, all banned. Find any friends who had a code. None of t hem did. So we decided to try to get on at the same time and see if that'd work.
We'd count down, "3.. 2... 1... GO!" and see who got in. Sometimes me, sometimes him. We had to figure out how long each computer took to get in depending on when we'd press the button (cause we sucked at synchronized pressing) so we could time it to get each other in. AND IT WORKED. WE WERE BOTH LOGGED IN. WE SCREAMED! WE REJOICED! WE JUST BEAT A BLIZZARD GAME!
We did it so often over the next 3 years it became second nature. His keyboard was long enough to reach into my room so we'd swap between doing it, or doing something else around the house until we got in. It started losing its appeal.
That is, until we got 3 on at the same time by yelling from each room. We still talk about that day, 7 years ago. It was amazing! I wanna install War3 right now and play some Legion TD! I think I'll get my brother to install it too!
TL;DR My Brother and I shared the same Warcraft 3 Key and played online together for years. We also got a 3rd one day.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:26:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
carpy22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had this one typed out, just waiting for a question like this :)
My mother used to work as a ground stewardess at Luton airport, UKโฆ the employees who work the check-in desks, chaperone unaccompanied children etc.
One of her colleagues, who was a bit of a socially inept person with very few friends, was approaching her 35th birthday. My mother and her colleagues took pity on her and were planning a surprise party for her. They decided to arrange the party at the colleagueโs house, as she always went directly home from work. They broke into her locker and took her house keys in order to make a copy while she was on duty, weeks before the planned party date. On the big day, my mother and 4 other stewardesses went to the birthday girlโs house with food, drinks and decorations. They entered the house the the copied key, walked through the hall and entered the living room through the door.
They were immediately greeted by a very enthusiastic and excited little white dog. My mother inspected itโs collar tag and found itโs name to be Kelly. The ladies proceeded to decorate the living room, unpack a veritable buffet on the dresser and enough drink to inebriate an army platoon. As they day progressed more and more guests arrived, filling the living room with tangible anticipation.
Hiding spots were agreed upon, and the time of the birthday girlโs arrival approached. As she pulled her car onto the driveway, all the guests ducked behind sofas, houseplants and room dividers โ excited to see the look of surprise on their victimโs face.
As they waited quietly, Kelly started barking madly and jumping against the living room door. My mother promptly grabbed the noisy lapdog and held it with her behind the sofa. It wriggled and tried to escape, whimpering and shivering with excitement to see itโs mistress return home.
Birthday girl entered the house, but instead of coming directly into the living room proceeded up the stairs, much to everyoneโs disappointment. All the while Kelly needed to be restrained.
After 5 minutes or so of constantly building anticipation, the party guests heard the birthday girlโs voice from upstairs: โKelly! Come on girl!โ
Kelly is flipping out in my mothers grip. She manages to hold her anyway. โKelly! Kelly, where are you, girl?โ
After a couple more calls, Kellyโs mistress is heard coming down the stairs. โKelly! Are you hiding from me you silly girl?โ
The guests in the living room exchange excited glances, ready to pounce from their hiding spots and yell โSurprise!โ
Slowly, the living room door opened, as Kelly broke free from my motherโs arms = bounding gleefully toward the door. The door opens wider, and the birthday girl begins to enter. All the guests leap from their positions shouting โSURPRIIIIISE!โ as loud as they canโฆ but a deadly silence follows.
The birthday girl stood horrified in the doorway, unable to speak. Kelly jumping up at her thighs, trying to reach the thick layer of peanut butter that covered her vagina.
The birthday girl was never seen at work again.
TL;DR Birthday girl walks in on own surprise party wearing a doggy snack on her snatch
I have a secret that could destroy life as I know it if it were to be discovered. For the past eighteen years, I have been living in two realities. I have no idea which one is real, and which one is in my head. When I am in this world, the other life seems imaginary, I am sure of it. But as soon as I transfer to my other reality, I question everything and truly believe it is the โreal worldโ I have made up. I have come to the conclusion over the years, that to have so much detail and remember it so well(unlike a dream), they must both be real.
In your world, I have a pretty normal life. I live alone, aside from my dog, in a one bedroom flat in the north of England. I work 9-5 in a cafรฉ and spend my days chatting to the customers and making coffee. Sometimes, at completely random times, I will be suddenly aware that I am not there anymore. I have awoken in an alternate world named Elwood. Here I live in a hotel, owned by a man whom I have never seen, only heard. I exchange work for my lodging in the hotel, and meet many people everyday. There is a desk clerk who has a manโs body and wears a suit, except he has a catโs head. There is also a young girl who changes her name every day and the grey man who we are all extremely frightened of. I could tell you about hundreds of people I have met over the years and the things we have done, but I digress. The colours in Elwood are different too. We call them the same names but they are different, such as, the grass is a pastel blue colour, but we would still call it green. This has always seemed normal in my head, I have never transitioned to Elwood and thought โthat is blue not greenโ.
I find being able to talk about this anonymously extremely comforting, as I cannot talk about this very much without being considered insane. My greatest fear is being filled with psychotropic drugs and risk losing everything. I have various theories about my ability to do this, and would appreciate opinions if anyone is experienced in this sort of thing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am glad you find it interesting, I think my diaries from each world would make a substantial base for a book of some sort, but unfortunately I cannot bring the diary from Elwood here which is a shame. In my opinion it is the better one.
I have often considered the idea of being insane, it is something I think about a lot. It is certainly the explaination most people would favour. The more I think about it, the darker it sounds, and I would prefer not to delve into the mysteries of the human mind as if I am honest, it terrifies me.
It's not really a story per se, but a sentence or two.
Yesterday, I sat yelling "Xbox Start. START. START DVD XBOX. XBOX PLAY DVD" and other variations of this at my playstation for roughly a minute before realizing that I'm an idiot.
This happened just a few months ago, but I tell the story as often as I can because it was so horrible, yet fun!
So, my friend is in a program where he has to study abroad for at least one semester. I had already made up my mind that I was going to study abroad since it can be relatively cheap. I decided to study in Seoul since it is in a very interesting state economically (I study economics) and it is a fairly cheap place to live (if I keep to my budget, I will save about $2000 this semester.) Anyway, my friend didn't want to go alone because going to another country alone can be kind of scary. I didn't have a problem being alone, but whatever, the more the merrier!
So, after all the paperwork with our university, the exchange school, visas, and all that other shit, we were finally ready to leave. We arrive at Cincinnati airport around 6am, 3 hours before our plane would take off. We get to the counter and see a huge line. Well fuck. We were going from Cincinnati -> Chicago -> Seoul. Total time was about 16 hours including our layover. Well, all flights to Chicago were cancelled.
We get to the lady at the counter, who was working really hard to reroute us. People were very patient with her, which was kind of surprising. She got us rerouted to go Cincinnati -> San Francisco -> Tokyo -> Seoul. Total time with layovers was about 25 hours. Shit.
Oh well, what else could we do? We said goodbye to our families and headed toward security. There wasn't anyone at our gate, but an elderly couple sat next to us. We chatted with them and they were telling us about going to see their daughter in San Francisco. We told them about going to Seoul and so they started talking Korean war and how the man's brother was in the war. The old woman, bless her heart, had some memory issues. Over the course of 10 minutes, we heard the same story a few times. She was such a sweet lady though. The man thanked us when we parted ways for being so patient with her. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all!
We boarded the 737 to San Francisco. My friend took the window seat and I took the middle. A girl sat next to me and we talked for a while. She was doing an in-country exchange with a school in San Francisco. We had some small chat for a little while, but eventually ran out of things to talk about. I pulled up Dredd on my computer and watched that on the flight.
Landed in San Francisco with a 45min layover. We were going to have to rush since we were on the complete opposite side of the airport and would have to go through security since we were going from a domestic flight to international. We were completely lost, but ended up finding a sign that pointed us to where we needed to go. We got lost again and an employee gave us directions. We got to the gate with a few minutes to spare.
We get on the plane and sit there for quite a while. The plane was only about 30% full, which was kind of surprising to me since we were going from San Francisco to Tokyo. The pilot gets on the intercom and sounds pissed. There were bags that were late, so we needed to wait for them. I look out the window and 10 minutes later, the cart pulls up. I watch our bags get thrown on the plane. I laughed that our 4 bags held up the entire plane, but also breathed a sigh of relief since I knew the bags had made it.
That was a very long plane ride. I had only slept about 3 hours the night before we left, but I was still too anxious to go to sleep. That flight was around 11 hours. I ended up watching Captain Phillips and some documentary on Tesla and Model S. There were other movies on, but I was so tired I don't even remember what they were. Anyway, we land in Tokyo and are standing in line with another guy who is headed for Seoul. He told us he knew the airport well and would take us to our gate since we were on the same flight. Sweet deal. Really thankful he did that. Getting through San Francisco was hard enough, I couldn't imagine trying to go through Japan! We go through a bit more security, much less intense than US security. The line was continuously moving. We only had to wait a couple of minutes there.
We wait for a few hours for the plane to arrive. Narita airport was boiling hot, so getting on the plane was so nice. It felt almost too cold on there after being in that sauna of an airport! We take off for our 3 hour flight to Seoul. I was still kind of ill after fighting off a virus that struck me just a week before. My stomach was killing me. I hate shitting on an airplane. If you were on that flight and were one of the people who used the bathroom after me, I sincerely apologize.
We land in Seoul and go through customs and get our bags that thankfully made it. It was about 10:30. The university stopped running their shuttle at 10. Fuck us. Maybe they would still run one? We sat around for 30 minutes and nothing came. I approach some men working at a desk to see if they knew anything about a shuttle. They didn't understand me. It was a long shot, but oh well. My friend begins panicking and asking me what we should do. He was ready to find a bench and sleep at the airport.
Fuck that. I had been up for nearly 30 hours straight. Like hell I was going to sleep in some god damned airport in a foreign country. I pull out my iPod and begin messaging my Korean buddies who were assigned to me by the university. One replied telling me to get on the subway and she would meet me at one of the stations.
We had a terrible time finding the subway, but we ended up finding it after a while. The lady working the gate didn't know english, but helped us get money added to the subway card. By the time we got on the train, it was 11:30. They stop letting people on the train at midnight. Dodged a bullet there!
We take a very long ride deep into Seoul. We get to the station my buddy said she would meet us at. It was about 1am. We are greeted by another lady who worked for the subway. She motioned for us to get on the elevator. We ride to the top and see my buddy standing there. Thank God this trip from hell was almost over.
She gets a taxi for us. There wasn't enough room for all 4 bags in the trunk, so we just hold onto it in the back seat. My buddy told him where we needed to go. He was a funny guy. He didn't know too much English, but said he was learning. He was fluent in Japanese, Mandarin, and Cantonese though. We didn't know any Korean, so he taught us some useful phrases. He then told stories (that my buddy translated into English for us) about his trips to the US. It was about a 4 mile trip, but it ended up taking about an hour. I'm not used to living in a big city. We finally get to the university around 2:30am. Cab fare was like $15. They don't tip here, but dammit we were tired and didn't want to wait for change.
We walk into the dorm building and are greeted by the guard. He didn't speak English either, so my buddy talked to him. He doesn't officially have the power to give us our room keys, but he felt sorry for us after he heard what all we had been through. We got our room keys and he told us to come back down in the morning to get everything officially situated.
I get in the room. It wasn't cleaned. Apparently the cleaning staff was on strike. It was filthy. There was dust and nail clipping all over the floor, but the beds looked alright. I dug through my suitcase and threw my sheets and pillow on the bed and collapsed. I just slept in the clothes I was wearing. After nearly 35 hours of no sleep, I finally had some peace. Damn it felt good. It also got me adjusted to the time change almost instantly, so that was nice I guess.
It was an absolutely horrible experience at the time, but I just look back and laugh. It's a fun story to tell, and I still can't believe how things just happened to line up at the end. It was quite an experience to start this trip. Things have been a lot smoother since then. Hopefully getting back home will be easier than getting here. I love Korea, but I can't wait to be back home in 7 weeks.
TLDR; long flight became even longer, no sleep, navigated the Seoul subway system on no sleep at midnight, learned Korean from a cab driver, and finally got some sleep after being awake for nearly 35 hours straight.
I just finished my Freshman year of college. As I sit back and think about what has happened this year, I realize that most of my craziest stories over the past 6 months revolve around one girl. Here is our story.
In November, I had a huge falling out with a fraternity brother. He absolutely hated me and it wasn't getting any better. Well one night it all came to a head and he started talking shit about how I couldn't pick up girls in any bars we went to. I told him to fuck off and he told me to and he walked off. I found him an hour or so later with a girl who was so not into him, whom we'll call Amy. Amy and my fraternity brother hook up a few times, including one time when I help "occupy" Amy's friend who came out that night. My fraternity brother hooks up with Amy, I hook up with her sorority sister, and it all works out.
Later, my fraternity brother and Amy break things off. A week later, I find Amy in a bar with a different fraternity brother of mine. Apparently they kissed later that night and he said something along the lines of "It's so great to kiss someone who likes me back" which sketched Amy out to the point they barely talked. Anyway, again, I catch Amy at a party a few days later. I was so blackout that we talk for maybe 10 seconds and then we make out ferociously before she leaves. We don't do anything for a long time, but that's not the end of Amy. That was around January I believe.
Also in January I lost my virginity to a different girl and was starting to go a little crazy with some new-found confidence. I became "that guy" who makes out with everything that moves. So, a month or so later, I find Amy again in a bar with her sorority sisters. At first, I try to hook her up with a friend of mine she says she's attracted to. He's not digging her so I make a move. I end up taking her to my fraternity house. We fool around but don't have sex. We become much better friends though.
Okay, so nothing happens until about a month ago. Meanwhile I become better friends with her and we hang out more often, talking for hours at a time about nothing. On this particular night, we start drinking at her place and all walk to the bars and go our separate ways. I see her making out later with my fraternity brother and they leave together. I know she's a virgin so I don't think anything of it. I go through the night and get drunk.
I go back to the fraternity house at the end of the night and am about to pass out when I hear "Amy just ran out!" Something possessed me to run after this girl. I catch up to her and she stops, looking embarrassed. She tells me she lost her virginity. I was taken aback but not surprised; I'd seen this coming because her friends had all lost their's. I did decide to tell her I was developing feelings for her. She said she had feelings too so we made out on the sidewalk on the way back to the dorms. We get back to her dorm and she asks if we should wait and I say no. So an hour after she loses her virginity to my fraternity brother... I have sex with her.
It wasn't great, we both barely knew what we were doing and neither of us finished. We talked about it the next day and both decided we weren't ready for anything serious. Things were awkward, but could be worse.
I find her again a couple weeks ago in a bar. This time she's with her sorority big and I'm with a different fraternity brother whom she's friends with. Her sorority big and I start talking. I don't know if she was flirting with me but when I made advances she didn't turn away. So I kissed her... in front of Amy. Amy was cool with it, she even encouraged it. Unfortunately her big was a lightweight. She started puking as soon as we got to the fraternity house. While her big is puking, I try to make a move on Amy because I was blackout. Horrible move and I thought I'd ruined everything. Turned out okay in the end.
I've hooked up with her big a couple times since then. Amy always knows when I do; someone always texts her. Amy has given her blessing on it, but I always wonder if there aren't any feelings deep down that she's been ignoring. It sounds that way by what she's said but she also has made it clear she wants to ignore them because she's scared of commitment right now. I'm okay with that. Still... it's been a huge and wild ride with this girl.
TL;DR: I meet a girl my fraternity brother was hooking up with, I hook up with her friend, then her a few times, and now her sorority big sister.
I have to comment on the refreshing unapologetic nature of the bit. It's the typical college free-for-all mentality, and you don't spend every other sentence trying to justify anything or self-criticize. Just interesting, well done. I hope you guys stay close friends.
A few days ago I received a call from a Sheriffโs office out of state that an uncle I hadnโt seen in some time had passed away. As I was apparently his only next of kin, I made the trip to collect his belongings and get affairs in order; heโd become a bit unhinged as the years went on so I saw him less and less. Well, there wasnโt much to collect as heโd apparently died in a large fire that had consumed his residence. The only thing rescue workers were able to salvage was a strong box like youโd find at a bank. Inside was a journal with only a single entry, which Iโll transcribe here from the photocopy they provided, formatting is my own:
โFor what itโs worth, Iโm really sorry about this.โ
As I spoke, the man in front of me jolted awake. Iโd paused to check his restraints and figured I should at least say something. Anything.
Looking back, it seems cruel. After all, if I was really sorry itโd be me in that chair, not him.
He seemed to groggily take stock of his surroundings; canโt blame โem, I hit him pretty good. Not much to look at Iโm afraid: just four dirty grey walls and a chair. His seat was actually an old electric chair Iโd gotten at an estate sale, minus the shocking bits of course, just lots of thick straps and sturdy wood bolted to a concrete floor. His gaze rested on me, a mix of confusion and accusation. Fuck, I should have just left, said nothing. I should have justโ
โWha..What the hell is this!? Where am I!? What the fuck is going on!?โ
He took my continued silence as a cue to test the restraints; this is my least favorite part. Poor bastard was so dead he didnโt know it yet. Thereโs something unsettling about the gradual realization of just how fucked you really are. I avoided eye contact and skirted behind him towards the exit, his yelling growing more and more frantic until it stopped abruptly. Thatโs when I could tell heโd seen it.
Seen what else was in the room.
Near the wall opposite the chair sat a large tube TV, like somebody who was rich in the 90s might have. I quickly closed the door and engaged the deadbolt. I couldnโt hear the man anymore but heโs probably starting to sweat pretty hard by now. I reach into my pocket and fish out my phone, currently running a stopwatch app.
Christ, 6 more seconds and I wouldnโt have made it. I really shouldnโt have said anything. I zero out the timer and thatโs when I hear it โ the static snap of the TV set coming to life.
Heโs here.
Iโd seen the man in the TV just once before in a dream: He had a simple room, just white walls with a small cot and a TV like the one in my basement. He was dressed in all white like a mental patient, with a grin so impossibly wide youโd swear his head would split in two. I either canโt remember or willfully forgot much of what he said to me but what was made clear was that I wouldnโt be getting sleep any time soon.
Suddenly, the basement is quiet, as if the whole house were holding its breath. As Iโm leaning against the door I can feel the wood flex inward like a vacuum had formed in the room. I set my stopwatch to countdown from 30 seconds and thatโs when I heard the TV man speak; it was a harsh, electric noise. The kind you could feel in your teeth. He only ever said one thing:
TาELฬขL Mอ E ฬWHY อYอOอ U'RE อ INฬต HาEREฬถ. Iา อกWAอNอกTอ อTฬกOอ KอNOอ W ฬงALฬจL ฬดABอขOUTอข ฬขYOฬทU.อ
If the guy in the chair got a scream out, I didnโt hear it. Couldnโt over the godawful racket that began in the room; sounded like a tornado fighting a stuck pig. I eyed my phone as the time ticked down, trying not to imagine the terrible whirling madness right behind me. Just when it seemed like the door frame would shake apart, it was over. I stayed still for a few more seconds until I could hear the TV power itself off. The room was just as Iโd left it, minus my captive. The only noticeable change was the faint smell of vanilla and a slight charring around the bindings.
Itโs quiet now, and in the meantime Iโll rest but I canโt live like this anymore. He wonโt let me sleep for too long before I have to go out again. Itโs getting colder out, maybe Iโll start a fire.
So I'm in high school and at my school, there's about 5 black kids. 2 of the kids, Daymian and Koby (like THE Kobe) are brothers and play on the basketball team. Anyway, there's another black guy at my school who looks like Koby (but doesn't know the real Koby or Daymian). One day it just so happened that Koby and his look-alike wore a similar red hoodie. During a passing period, Dayman walked up behind who he thought was his brother and said "What up, Koby?" to which the Koby look-alike turn around, clearly a little angry, and rubuttled "Oh hey, LEBRON!"
I did something similar, but mistook a guy for a girl, working as a cashier. He had a ponytail, looked female from the back giggidy "excuse me sir?" So embarassing!
I was about 19 when I first started playing MMORPGs, and I didn't meet rainbow until I was about 20.
She was pretty new to the clan when we started talking, and of course everybody wanted to be friends with the girl and give her loot because neckbeards rarely encounter girls in the real world. Tons of dudes in our clan were super possessive about her
We would casually chat every once in a while, and became pretty good friends, and then entered pseudo-relationship territory. Of course everybody else in the clan knew about it, and typical passive-aggressive behavior was had. In an off-hand comment I mentioned the city I live in, and she said "You live in X, Texas? Holy shit, me too!" "Wanna meet up?" "Sounds good to me!"
So I give her my address and in about a week she shows up at my doorstep with a roller-suitcase and a computer. I thought it was kinda weird, but I wanted to hear her out before I turned her away (remember, lonely neckbeard with no experience with women). She told me that her parents had kicked her out of their house and she needed a place to stay for a while.
We were pretty good friends, and kinda had a thing going already so I decided to let her stay for a while and BOY were those first few days an experience. We smooshed and played WOW almost non-stop.
That didn't last for very long though...
Three days later I get a knock on the door. It was her dad. Apparently Rainbow had not been entirely honest with me. Instead of being 20 years old, she was actually 16 years old. And instead of being from X, Texas she was from Charleston, South Carolina.
I was floored. It broke my heart that I knew our relationship would end so soon. Her dad didn't blame me for anything and was a pretty nice guy. Rainbow finally came clean about everything and packed up her bags and computer.
Her dad gave us a little time to say goodbye while he loaded her stuff into the taxi when she turns to me and says something I will never forget... "Ten, I'm really sorry it's not going to work out. I know I've put you through a lot but I need to tell you something before I go." "What Is it?" "Can you spare about three fifty?" Well it was about then that I noticed that the girl I fell in love with was actually 500 feet tall and a monster from the paleolithic era. Well I was angry, I said, "god damn loch ness monster, I ain't giving you no tree fiddy!"
She turned to her dad, who gave her a nod, gave me a peck on the cheek, and left for good. I still see her on the server every once in a while but haven't been able to talk to her since
TLDR: Don't trust women who play MMORPGs
EDIT: Grammar
PoKoYo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is the moral you got from this? What about don't give your online peeps your address to meet at. They could be psycho or weird.
Koeryn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have one that I would love to finish, but probably never will. It is the story of a free lance pilot hauling an unidentified cargo, being attacked, and eventually ending up with an AI sharing his wetware as they leave a reactor to over load and wipe out a small city to fake his death and keep scary people from hunting and killing him and recovering the scary AI that is partially installed in his brain.
This, is the first time I ever went to a strip club. Now I'm not a prude, but I'd much rather go to a bar to hang out with friends than pretend to have girls be interested in me for a couple minutes simply to empty my wallet. My friend and I are standing there drinking a beer, and a table girl approaches us trying to make small talk. My friend explains that I have never been to a strip club before, and the stripper starts teasing me about it. "Oh that's cute, I remember back when I was a virgin", and I decide to respond with "Oh yes the fourth grade was a pretty tough year for you I bet" - complete silence from both my buddy and the stripper. I am expecting to be thrown out or slapped and have my first strip club visit end in about 5 minutes. Luckily she laughs and says that I'm clever. I am rather glad to have survived my visit, but suffice to say I won't be heading back anytime soon.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
TL;DR Quiet teacher's pet stands up against douchebag for weird kid in painting class. Goes better than expected.
I haven't told this story before because I still don't know if I did the right thing by intervening, but it made me feel pretty nice, so here goes.
My high school painting class last semester was terrible. The teacher was amazing--the sweetest, most patient old lady you can imagine, who gets super excited when brainstorming art projects--but there were a few people in the class that made it hell. Always talking over the teacher, running around the classroom, never doing their work... the teacher's one of the most patient people I know, but even she was irritated when they just wouldn't stop acting like five year olds.
One of these kids, J, (I can't remember his real name) a senior, would not stop teasing this junior, M (can't remember his name either). J's a stereotypical high school football jock, foul-mouthed, nasty, won't shut up, that sorta thing. He was the sort of ringleader of the immature kids. M was, from what I heard, the water boy for the football team. He was that awkward kid nobody liked who hit on the nicest girl with such misplaced confidence that you couldn't help but be sorry for them both. I swear he had some form of Asperger's, or something; he never stopped talking to anyone about cars, could never tell when people were messing with him, took every single word to heart.
J acted like a total ass to M the entire semester. I sat in front of M and beside J's normal spot and got to hear a lot of their 'conversations'. Other friends of J would pick on M. Apparently, back in junior high, M would tell on J to teachers when J was skipping class, in addition to the whole never shutting up about cars thing, so J decided that was good enough reason to tease him at every opportunity. It was the stupidest stuff J bothered him about, too; whether he had a date, if he had sex, why was he a Mormon, why did he believe this, etc. M replied with Bible quotes. (kinda dumb, but I admired his conviction to his faith) J claimed they were friends, right M, and M's totally alright with it, right?
It was about halfway through the semester that M honestly couldn't take it much longer. I looked back to see J bothering him, and M was genuinely close to tears. He was either going to run out of the room and cry or punch J and get himself in a ton of trouble. I don't know what happened, but I just stood up and went off on J.
Keep in mind I'm a gangly, 5'5" high school senior who hasn't said a word to anybody other than the teacher the entire year. As a girl in a comfy old jacket and cargo pants with the fluffiest, most unkept hair, I'm anything but intimidating, but I do speak loudly.
"What the hell, you ass, cut it out."
"What?"
"You're 18, aren't you? You're a high school senior and you're picking on him like a playground bully."
J looked around to his friends for support, but they were all just staring.
"How immature do you have to be to do that, seriously? Running around and wasting the teacher's time like a kindergartener? You're an adult, with adult responsibilities, quit picking on some kid. Shut up and actually fucking learn something."
My face was bright red when I turned around and went back to working on my painting. The teacher was a row of tables ahead of me, but occupied with another student, so she didn't notice. It was dead silent in my part of the room, before a couple classmates (the ones who actually work) started laughing. I didn't look up from my work for the rest of the day. I couldn't tell if they were laughing at me, J, M, or someone else, and I didn't want to find out, because I felt like I made a complete ass out of myself.
J barely came to class after that. When I saw him, he was trying to talk the teacher into giving him extra credit or ways to make up his F. He wouldn't look at me. Even this semester, he hasn't even acknowledged me. M was still his annoying, over talkative, sensitive, faithful self, but nobody picked on him any more.
A few days after, M came up to me and thanked me for standing up for him; J had been a douche to him for a long time. I told him no problem, and that sometimes, some people just need to be told off.
I felt pretty cool, telling off J, to be honest. I just haven't told anybody this story, besides my mom, since now.
I was eating at an outside food vender in New York City, and a guy came over and took some fries out of my basket and walked away. It was Bill Murray. As he was walking away, he told me no one would believe me. I didn't care. He was a childhood hero of mine growing up. And it was one of the coolest things to ever happen to me.
when i was 15 I almost wasn't allowed into universal studios park because I couldn't register any biorhythms on their scanners.. they tried me on 8 different scanners. all show nothing. apparently after 911 a lot of high traffic areas developed these mood scanning machines that basically predict your life and what your likely to do next.
well I apparently i caused this huge commotion because I flatlined on everything, I have no moods im completely level.. they basically asked if I was a terrorist -_- 15 year old me in disney a terrorist.
No one will see this, but it'll be good to get off my chest.
I have a mother who hates me and because of her my 3 siblings hate me too. They don't talk to me except to insult me or yell at me. They think I'm worthless and will never make it in life. Well, I ended up graduating early and had a job waiting for me right after. The job didn't pay enough for me to move out, but was a necessary stepping stone for my career. Recently I got offered a job out of state at one of the top 10 universities that will begin this winter. I am so excited because I've been working SO hard and it will pay me enough to finally, finally move out. Except...I can't tell them yet because I know they will do something to sabotage me like trying to kick me out early (my dad's been keeping things at bay the best he can). I just wish I could tell everyone already and see their faces because it'll prove them wrong. But sigh...I can't yet and have to take in all the insults they give me about me.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is it just me or am I the only one evo read every post on this entire thread?
It's Mother's Day and my mom just got in a fight with me about not contributing enough to the family. I don't know how I feel right now.. I've been trying to prep for an internship this summer (I leave in four days) and she feels like I don't help clean the house and all I do is spend her money. Calls me out every 5 minutes for something wrong she thinks I do. Currently yelling at me for the apparently shitty yardwork I did yesterday. My life could be worse but this sucks.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:41:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shes freaking out about your internship would be my guess dawg
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:52:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 02:09:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:28:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously almost pissed myself after reading this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
MY CLIENT BROCK LESNAR CONQUERED THE STREAK!!!!!!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Iwrestledabearonce
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Once when I was young there was this balloon in my car, and it was the tightest shit. My mom opened the window to have some fresh air and the balloon went out the window. It was a horrible experience
I was thinking of names for my future children, and my parents and I were talking about girl names. I like the name Jolene, and her last name would be Zarate, since it's my last name. Then my mom said "her middle name should be Imelda!", which is my moms name. I thought about it for a second, and then I noticed the initials. JIZ. NOOOOPE.
Growing up one year when I was in middle school, I had moved and was still making friends at my new school. I was pretty shy and usually ate lunch alone. One day, right before school started, someone came up and handed me a wrapped gift and said it was from my secret Santa. I had been watching all the other kids gossip about their secret Santa exchanges over the last couple of weeks, but hadn't been invited to participate by anyone. To this day, I still have no idea who the gift was actually from, but it meant the world to me at the time. If you're out there - Thank you!!
Me and my friend, Nick, were walking down the street and I heard someone coming up behind us so I turned to look and it was just some random guy so I turned back around and he said "Hey guys, how are you" and I turned and said "I'm fine" and Nick agreed. We asked how he was and he replied, "Hungover", and walked ahead of us and said "Don't drink. It's bad for you." laughed and just walked away.
Trees were falling, rain was pouring down, and to this day I don't know how my mom saw well enough to drive and how our car even stayed on the road. The entire time my sister and I were crying thinking that our dog Max that we had left in our backyard was dead.
We got to our house and there he was: just sitting there by the gate. He hadn't hid in the shed and wasn't panicking like he usually did during storms... Max had been waiting for us. We all get inside and thankfully no damage to our home was done, but there were a lot of downed trees and a local church suffered serious damage.
naice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have a story that kind of makes my life seem like a romantic comedy.
It begins at lunchtime on a Friday. While a mate of mine and I are having lunch at a cafe, I mention to him how cute one of the waitresses is and how I should try to start a conversation with her but never would.
Anyway! Later that night I finish work at a cocktail bar around 2am and in my city there's a bus called the nightrider which runs in the early hours of the morning, mostly to get drunk folks back home.
So I catch the bus because I've had a few beers while I was working and as I'm walking down to my seat, to my disbelief, the waitress from the cafe is behind me. I spin round and say that I recognized her from the cafe where I was having lunch and that I was saying how cute she was to a friend of mine.
She's flattered and when I take my seat she tells me to shove over so she can sit with me.
We hit it off and when it's time to get off the bus, we realise we have the same stop and live just down the road from each other. We walk home together and as we're across the road from my house I decide to pull a bonnet slide across a parked car (blame the beers, and a stupid 19 year old me trying to impress a girl). After I come across the other side of the car and look back to what is undoubtedly going to be a very impressed young lady a big guy gets out of the car I had just slid across.
The guy starts screaming at me and tells me to give him my wallet so he can see my ID and know who I am. After I refuse to give him my wallet and a bit of screaming he grabs me and start hitting me while holding the scruff of my shirt.
I grab him back and sort of swing us both into a bush (literally a bush in my front yard). It splits us apart and both the girl I was with and a girl who has gotten out of his car tell us to split up and calm down.
So at this point my girl walks me away from him and I tell her that this is my house, pointing to the place next to us.
She immediately says "well you can't stay there tonight, come back to mine."
We walk hastily away from the scene and get to her place for one hell, where this young dickhead got lucky.
TL;DR Guy beats me up for sliding across his car - gets me laid.
When I was 13, me and a bunch of friends went to play some videogames at a my next-door neighbors house. His mom was out grocery shopping and we had the house for ourselves, so we kinda made a mess. I remember we were playing the first Tony Hawk's Pro Skater for N64 with that blue cartridge. My next door neighboor was 2 years older than me, really tall for his age (about 6 feet) and albino.
So we were having fun playing Tony Hawk when the phone rings. It was his mom and she called just to check up on him and let him know she was on her way home. My albino neighbor freaks out because he knows his mom is gonna ground him for having friends over and on top a very big mess in the house. He starts screaming and demanding we pick up the mess. We look at him laugh and keep playing. He starts to rage and pulls out a big ass fucking knife from the kitchen. That is when all 4 of us shit ourselves in fear. We weren't so much scared that he had a knife, it was the fact that he had some thick glasses and couldn't see well so...he was a clumsy motherfucker.
We run around the house for a few seconds until one of my friends goes into the bathroom. I follow and so do my other two friends. We look at each other and are kinda laughing but you know, this kind of laughter that is "I don't want to die by the hands of a crazy tall albino" kinda laughter. He starts banging on the door screaming and telling us to open the door NOW. We hold up in there for about 5 minutes and then we hear him go upstairs to look for something else to terrorize us with, so we open the door and made a run for it. After we are outside, his mom pulls in and I breathe in a sigh of relief. I still look back at that day and think about how easily that could've turned bad.
Went through some four wheeler trails with my dad, my friend and his dad(Tony and Zack) and my other friend(Ronnie).
Zack and Ronnie were my age.
They only had 3 four wheelers so my friends dad drove the quad and my friend was passenger, my dad drove, I was passenger.
Going through the trails fine and dandy
(really quickly I'll tell you both groups had a 450 sized four wheeler, they had a Yamaha, we had a Polaris, and Ronnie had some 90cc)
And there's a steep (not tall), steep hill.
Which normally you think nothing of, weeelllll there was a small tree growing at the top of the hill, and it blended into the woods, we begin to climb the hill (not slowly either) and suddenly..my back is parrellel with the ground and we are rolling backwards..time slowed down 50%, (p.s. there are nice sharp rocks and gravel at the bottom of this hill.) then I notice I've just Been flung off the four wheeler like a toy by my dad, but he didn't check to see (not like he had the time to anyway) what was behind us....Ronnie. My back slams I to the front of his four wheeler (why did this hurt? His four wheeler had one of those reinforcement bars, and I had been falling almost enough for me to hit the ground.)
I'm screaming. Shit does it hurt, I was scared I broke a vertebrae or something. Zach and Ronnie pull me to the top of the hill, Tony recovered my dad. Once I opened my eyes when I heard my dads voice I saw he had a huge scratch (not a gash but a scratch) from his forehead to his chin on the left side of his face, he did however have a half inch hole of skin missing from his forehead (at the top of his scratch) I'm shocked by his face for a few seconds. After that everything slowly calmed down. Never told mom for my dads sake ( we weren't wearing helmets)
I just had to deal with a sore back for a month.
And my dad had to go to my bros high school graduation with a big square band aid on his head and a scab down his face ( it was less of a scab and more of a red mark
Fb62 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My mothers's uncle had passed away a few months back, when she had a weird dream. Her uncle came to her in the dream telling her to call her aunt and tell her that he loves her. She wakes up the next morning and calls her aunt, starts talking, then finally tells her about the dream. She breaks down crying on the phone, and when my mom asks why, she asks if she knows what today is. Answering no her aunt replies, today is our anniversary.
It was the summer before I was heading off to college and like any responsibly guy I had a summer job. I worked at a golf course 6 days a week at very early times. Like I said I was heading off to school that fall and was having as much fun as I could before I left some friends so we would usually do the typical things teenagers do. One morning, I believe it was Saturday, I was feeling less then eager to get to work from the night before's activities. I get ready and take my dogs out when I step off the back porch and a police officer in a flak jacket with a shotgun runs up to me from my driveway.
So I'm standing there, stunned holding two yorkies and realizing there is the whole swat team in my back yard and my cul de sac is like command central with their big RV. There was a hostage situation going on in the house behind ours. Our backyards met so they had to go through our yard for the best vantage point. There were guys posted up all over my yard aiming at the house.
Everyone was okay, the woman who lived there had a restraining order on her ex and he showed up late that night and showed an airsoft gun to the police when they came to take him away which started the whole thing.
The best parts of the story was everyone was okay, that I was late for work by about two hours, and that my dad had left only an hour or so before me and was stopped by the police and questioned but didn't think to call my mom which she did not like lol.
Okay. I've been set on fire around 7 times depending on how you count it.
I was in fourth or fifth grade and was at church camp. Every night we had a campfire and the last night of the week it was always in someplace different. This one was off in the woods and they decided to light the path with rolls of TP soaked in kerosene placed in metal coffee cans. People quickly realized that if you blow on the fire it would bow out around your breath. I, being a very smart child, took a massive breath and blew on the fire from directly over it. This cause the fire to rise up and cover my entire head. A friend thinking faster than I could grabbed my shirt and pulled out of the fire, probably saving my life.
I was in tenth grade English class and we had a free day. So me and all my friends move our desks together and start talking and what not. My friend Isaac gets up for some reason and I jokingly steal his seat. When he gets back he takes his (non working) lighter out of his pocket and sparks it towards me. This caught my hair on fire. To his credit I didn't realize that I was on fire. I just felt really warm and saw a small orange glow out of the corner of my left eye. Before I could turn to find out what that was he just starts smacking me upside the head. After about 2 minutes of this he finally stops and I just turn to him with the most WTF expression on my face. He just looks at me and says "You were on fire!" I just reach up and feel my hair where he was hitting me and it feels like burnt hair. Mu two friends with us are roaring with laughter at this point. I get up and ask to go to the bathroom so I can try to get the burnt hair out (my teacher did not know this). Right as I get out and close the door I hear some say "What's that burnt smell?". Everything after this is all secondhand information since I was not in the room. Apparently after someone smelled the burnt hair the teacher looks around and sees my two friends laughing there asses of and Isaac hiding his face. My friend Evan grabs his English book and starts reading it upside down to try to hide his laughter. The teacher asks what happened and they just point to him. She asks him and he walks to her desk and says as quietly as he can that he set me on fire. The teacher just exclaims super loudly "YOU SET HIM ON FIRE!". I get back to the room about 30 seconds after this and it is dead silent and everyone is just staring at me. The teacher runs over and asks if I'm okay and what happened. I look at my friend and ask if she knows. He just nods and I tell her that I'm okay and what happened. Afterwards I go to the nurse and they say I'm fine, they take my picture, he gets suspended for 3 days and she has a new rule in her classroom.
TL;DR friend caught me on fire in English, extinguished me before I realized and then got suspended for 3 days.
The rest are just my clothes getting caught on fire at random times and the time a burning ember fell in my hair and eye on the same night. Those are the best two.
theorys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school the locker next to mine had the same combination. I remember putting my sandwich before class in there and going to go get it for lunch and being upset that someone broke into my locker and left a folder in there that clearly wasn't mine....something fell a little off and I tried opening up the locker right next to "my" locker and BOOM! There's my sandwich and my stuff.
I turned and the bus was gone! I had told the bus driver not to leave because I only wanted to step out and take a quick picture. Now I am left here with no supplies having no idea when, or if, the bus will come back.
I begin walking into the forest in search of a water source that I could make shelter next to. As I walk I pick up branches, stones, and pinecones that I could use. I spot a clearing and a little pond just past the trees and begin to run towards it. As soon as I am about to get there, a bear jumps out from behind a tree. It lunges towards me and causes me to drop everything I am carrying. I dodge its attacks, it swipes and bites while I am jumping and maneuvering to avoid being hit. Out of the corner of my eye I spot a large rock and I make a break for it. The rock is about 100 feet away from me and I know I wont be able to outrun this bear for very long. Iโm closing in on the rock, but the bear is closing in on me, 50 feet, 30 feet, 10 feetโฆ. I lunge towards the rock and try to pull it out of the ground, but the bear is on top of me, scratching and biting my arms. I finally get the rock loose and hurl it at the bears head, right before it bites my neck.
I have no idea how long I will be stuck out here alone so I prepared for the worst. My arms were wrapped in cloth from my shirt and I was now wearing the entire pelt of the bear I had just killed. If Iโm going to have to survive out here, I need to infiltrate the bears community. I need to look like a bear, walk like a bear, eat like a bear, sound like a bear, I need to BE a bear. I follow the tracks and soon find a population of bears living in caves and holes. The others walk towards me and sniff me. Iโm sweating like crazy, I don't think they believe that I am one of them. The other bears stop sniffing me and walk off like nothing, my plan worked. Now it is time for stage two, I need to work my way to the top of the community and become their leader. My life is now with these bears, I can not go back to what I once had. I am no longer human. As night time approaches one of the others walk over to me and nudge me into the direction of a cave that must be my den.
The next morning I wake up to loud screams and growls, I rush outside to find a pack of humans attacking us. They have guns and are shooting us down, one by one. I rush into action, mauling every one of them, I have to protect my family. The aftermath of this battle is immense. The bodies of humans and bears both lying on the ground and there are only 10 of us remaining. Our leader is dead and the others nominate me to take his place, an honor
that I would be happy to accept.
Iโm walking through the forest, doing what I do every morning, looking for food and protecting the border of our territory when I hear a weird noise. Honking? I emerge from the forest to see a large bus with a man inside honking the horn. โHarrison, is that you? Come on Harrison, take off the bear costume and lets go, people are worried about you.โ I canโt believe this, he left me for dead and now he wants me to abandon my family. I stand up on two legs and scream โI AM BEAR!โ and before he could catch me, I run off into the forest to join my family.
A couple of weeks ago I matched up with a girl on Tinder, we immediately bonded over our tastes in music and coincidentally were actually going to the same concert in a few weeks. We planned to meet up at the concert together and get acquainted with one another. The day of the concert came and I was actually going with some friends of mine who were coming to visit. These friends also had the inclination to make a batch of pot brownies for the show. So before the show we were all hanging out and I decided to have 2 brownies. We then went to the show and the girl I was supposed to meet up with said she was running a little late. The opener started and that's when I felt the brownies starting to hit me. At first it was a good high I was feeling but then after about 25 minutes I started feeling extremely paranoid and this is the time that the Tinder match text me that she was finally there and that I should meet her at the bar. So I went to the bar with my friend (who was also high as balls) and we went and introduced ourselves. I have no idea what I even said to her. I was so fucking high and paranoid that all I wanted to do was get back to my other friends and not even deal with this girl. So long story short I told the girl that I never wanted to see her again and we shouldn't talk anymore and then I went back to my friends.
I just found out that my dorm room has a secret hiding spot called "The Marauders Hiding Spot". Past residents add useful items to It for the next people to live there. Pretty cool if you ask me
eifos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once drove past a KFC on the way to work and two employees were chasing a live chicken around the car park.
When I was 8 or 9 I was playing on the playground at recess. The bell rang and it was time to go in. As I was running through the grass I saw a kid trip over another kid who was on the ground. I thought, "Hey that looks like fun", so I tripped over the kid who had just been tripped over. As I fell I knocked the other kid, who had just managed to get up, to the ground. I arose before the other two and ran back to the school as if nothing happened.
I'm a married man. My super hot friend stayed at our house a few weeks back and accidentally left her thong on the bathroom floor of our guest room. I consider myself a normal guy, not a creeper of any kind, and I lead a very stable life and am a respectable member of society. I walk among you. But when I saw this, I was overcome by it, and proceeded to sniff the shit out of this thong forever while masturbating profusely. Then just wound up wrapping it around my dick and doing the same thing a few hours later. I don't know what kind of help I need, but I fucking know I need something. This was the least normal behavior I've ever experienced.
Now this is a story all about how my life got twist-turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell yah how I becam the Prince of a town called Bell Air.
In West Philadelphia, born and raised; on the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin out, maxin, relaxin all cool and all shootin some B-ball outside of the school.
When a couple of guys who were up to no good, started makin trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said you're movin with your Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air.
I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say: this cab is rare. Yo homes to Bel Air!
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later. I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.
On a side note, I was born in Philly and moved to California when I was 15 with my mom because reasons I still don't understand. And instead of Bel Air I am in the butt crack of California. For those who don't live here, it's not all a bunch of beaches and Hollywood stars.
So i'm sitting in class, talking to my friend. This friend in particular is very successful with women. So I ask him how he does it and how I can get into "the game." He calls over this neckbeard in our class who is the definition of the word. My friend tells him "My buddy here would like to know how to get into the game. I know you know a lot."
And the guy says: "Which one, WoW or Starcraft?"
We both start cracking up.
He asks whats so funny and we just tell him to sit back down.
It was New Year's Eve eve in New Zealand, first night of a screw and spew type tour. We were at the local bar which had a very interesting bathroom situation, 'male', 'female' and 'bit of both'. Our main character is an Australian Lothario type who's locked his eye on another girl on the tour.
So we're all drinking and soon enough he goes off to the bathroom. Does his thing and then spots a machine by the door. Figuring he might get lucky later on, he reckons he should buy a condom for later. Put his money in the machine and a box came out. The box was slightly bigger than he expected, so he decided to open it up before heading out.
At which point the newly found love of his life entered the 'bit of both' bathroom which he was in and found him spilling a box of tampons all over the floor.
In 2005-2006 when I was in either year 7 or 8 (first years of 7-12 high school if americans have a different system) I did a net send command to send an Ok dialogue box to every computer on the network saying "there is a bomb in this computer." I did it from the crappy library lookup terminal in the middle of the whole two story palace of a library they had. Once I did that I left and nobody found out anything until I did it a second time.
I ended up being caught by one of the fat librarians and she said "STEP AWAY FROM THE TERMINAL" like some super cop. I explained it away by saying mid-tears "I was just saving funny text files to my school email account's folder I didn't know it would send it to everyone :((((" and they believed me.
Two whole days later they obviously spoke to their IT and called me inside again with the words "Okay, Bill Gates, it seems you know more than you're telling us. Come with me." I got a level 2 (sort of like a warning system, up to level 5 which was suspension) and it was my only infraction I ever got at any school.
I found it funny also that they said after it was over "What were you thinking? Do you realise that the principal got that message? What if it comes up again when he turns his computer on again tomorrow morning?" and I was just thinking the whole time "Well he won't, because it's a net send command and it DOESN'T WORK LIKE THATUATBYEKLTFGSIPK" but I couldn't really say anything in that position...
Not really an amazing story, but I was just thinking about it. A few years back I was managing a fast food place, when a horrendous storm came through. Everyone panicked calling their families, making sure they were all at home. Meanwhile every customer was stuck hiding in our tiny dining room, the kind surrounded by giant windows, because they were afraid to drive in the weather.
Storm gets worse, and eventually an employee tells me a tornado touched down nearby, we have to get to safety.
I had never been in a tornado, this was new to me, but I knew windows were not safe to be around.
Unsure of how to protect both staff and customers, I just disregarded all policies and said let's get everyone as safe as possible.
I cut the cooling system to both the walk in freezer and cooler, and myself and a cook escorted every customer and staff member to them.
We made sure they were safe and comfortable (those things are damn near safes) and I told Quincy, the cook to join them, I had to take care of the insane customers forming a line in my drive through.
He flat out refuses. He insisted on manning the kitchen and helping bag, knowing full well we had plenty of windows in that area as well.
We got everything out, not a single unhappy customer, I warned as many as possible to get home or find shelter immediately. Eventually one of them informed me it was a false alarm.
I had risked my job for nothing.
But nothing was stolen, all the customers were extremely grateful, and thankfully no one ever checked our cameras.
Oh, and we closed early because the storm continued to be that insane, so no business.
Happy ending all around. I do miss Quincy though. Had to let him go when he attempted to have a carhops jumped over a chicken sandwich. Strange man.
So this happened to me a long time ago back in Y-Guides (basically boy scouts but way more awesome). We would do an annual trip to this place in the mountains where we would stay in the cabins there. After about a day or so there would be a raffle where there was a ton of prizes. I was just sitting there and i had my penny and i was dropping it on the table and repeatedly. Finally i dropped it on the table and it landed right side up perfectly still. As i went to tell my dad they announced i was a winner of the 50 dollar raffle.
This was also the same place where we did archery and i almost got an arrow through my neck because some kid accidentally let his arrow loose too early.
I was waiting for my mom to pick me up from school one day and started texting my friend. I asked if he was still at school. he said yes, so we met up near the front of the school. he said a mutual friend told him I liked him, which was true. he asked if it was true. we both admitted to having a thing for each other, but I said I can't have a boyfriend because I'm awkward and hate physical contact. he said he was too, so we decided to date. he later extended his arms for a hug and I said " WHAT ARE YOU DOING?".
So, right after I graduated high school, I was over at a buddy's place. It was just me, my bud, and his girlfriend. We were pretty much just chilling out, watching a movie. Normal stuff, really.
I'm in his papasan chair with my soda and some popcorn when I hear some scuffling on his bed (where he and his lady were chilling). I look over and she's straddling him, tits out, getting ready to get their bone on.
I'm incredulous. I mean, I'm sitting right there, they could've waited til after I left. Jokingly, I say "Hey guys, if you're gonna be doing that with me here, the least you could do is invite me."
She looks at him, he looks at her, she looks at me. She shrugs, and says "OK. But I want to be blindfolded."
He looks at me. That look will forever haunt me. There was a slight shrug, and a look of "Eh. Alright. You down?"
I'm even more incredulous. Is this really even happening? Why am I staring at your girlfriends breasts right now? None of this is making a lick of sense to my adolescent mind.
I, to the surprise of many, am not down. I take one last sip of my soda, get up, and nope right the fuck out of there.
I still hang out with the dude a couple nights a week, and we haven't talked about it much since the event. Definitely a top contender for most bizarre moment in my life.
drtisk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure I'm not the only one scrolling to the bottom of every story to check for tree fiddy
I saw a car catch on fire and explode outside of my apartment's back alleyway one night. This is in ghetto downtown Niagara Falls, NY. My room mate was out of town so I was sitting there alone, watching tv when I heard some one laying on a car horn. After maybe two minutes of putting up with it, I finally got up to go check what was going on (thinking it was a car break in or accident). When I finally got to the back window and looked out, it was like "HOLY SHIT THE NEIGHBOR'S CAR IS ON FIRE". I immediately called 911 to report it, when the operator came on she said that several other neighbor's had already called in and the police/fight fighters are on there way.
I was still on the phone with the operator when the flames really started to pick up and next thing you know it exploded into a huge fire ball like something out of a movie. It was surreal and totally unexpected. A few minutes later the fire department showed up and started to put the fire out, by this time it had spread to another neighbor's garage. The rest of the night I sat upstairs in my apartment and watch the police and fire department's crime scene investigation go over the whole area. They ended up finding out that it was an arson case, the neighbor's daughter had just gotten a new (used) car and someone torched it to get back at her for whatever reason.
The best part was one my room mate came home a few days later, what was left of the garage and the ground were all scorched up, so I got to rub it in his face that he missed it.
I was 16. A few friends and I were kickin it at a park when the sprinklers turned on. "let's kick sprinkler heads" they said. "I've never done that. How do you do it?" Kick it like a football they said.. I turned from white to black. I looked like a really tall Ethiopian kid. I had mud in my eyes ears and nose.. FYI Don't kick sprinklers like a football
5pvce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I found a macbook, psp, and a bunch of drugs in a backpack after a long depressing life evaluating walk. It was a good summer.
A girl on my bus (she is also my next door neighbor) was telling this story a few weeks back. Her dad is freaked out by centipedes, and it just so happens that one time he went to the bathroom and there was a centipede on the toilet and he sat on it. That freaked him out. Supposedly, about a week or so after wards, she was taking a shower with one of her bird, because that's normal, and one of the bird's feather get stuck in the shower. Well, her dad wears glasses and has poor vision without them, so he didn't see the bird feather, and freaks out because he thinks it's another centipede.
TL;DR, Girl showers with bird, dad thinks feather is a centipede
Alright. I want to talk about the time a hobo stole my sandwich and I chased him to give him my drink that went along with it.
Work was boring so I took a break and walked to the convenience store near our building. I made a sandwich this morning and I wanted some soda to go along with it. When I stepped outside (holding my sandwich in one hand and soda in the other), there was this hobo guy in front of me asking for change. He said that it was toll fee for passing through the door (apparently, he was opening doors for people in exchange for money). I looked at him and thought nothing of it, so I put my soda on the ground to bring out my wallet. Right as I was bending down, he yanked my sandwich out of my hands and ran away. I grabbed my soda and followed him into the small parking space of this empty store nearby where he was crouched down, stuffing his face. I yelled out "hey!" and he looked up and saw me. The guy looked scared a bit but made this nasty leering smile.
I suffer from clinical depression and that time I was dealing with a particularly rough day. At that moment, I felt really numb. I was so tired and felt so old. I didn't give a shit about anything anymore. So I put my soda down in front of him, said "here you go" and walked out of there. I left work early, went home and then took a really long nap.
I've seen the hobo guy only once ever since, but I think he didn't recognize me because I changed my hair color and gained weight.
Ooooh....I've wanted to tell this for ages but never got a chance!
So, it was a few years ago, me and my then boyfriend we're having some fun together in the backseat of my car. We're were a bit limited on options of where we could do this kind of thing because both of our parents we home normally so we settled on an empty church parking lot.
So I'm parked in the far back corner, as far away from street lights and the church as I can be and we're getting to the good stuff, steaming up the car windows and everything. My ex-boyfriend is behind me and I've got a decent view out the window, though it's a bit foggy when I see something move. At first I dismissed it, like of probably a stray cat of something, but then lights turn on and I realize that it's a car. A fucking car. Parked a few spots over in the shadows of the trees. So I'm freaking out. Like, we're fucking in my car and there's people, right there, outside the window, we should stop. We should stop and get as far away from here as we can, but my ex-boyfriend wasn't going for it. He kept saying that if they hadn't noticed us by now them we were fine, we'd just keep doing what we were doing and eventually they'd leave.
I wasn't really keen on this but figured what the fuck, why not?
So everything is going fine, great, but I'm still keeping on eye on the window, just in case, when I see the doors of the car open and three guys get out. The whole..."oh shit" feeling comes up again before I realize that they all in tuxedos which was weird. Then two of the guys start arguing, screaming their heads off at each other, shoving back and forth, the third guy just watching them. Eventually they start throwing punches and one guys knocks the other out, then he and the third guy pick him up and drag him into the back seat of the car, turn the engine on and drive away.
At this point my boyfriend has just kinda stopped and is starting in awe outside the window. We're both thinking "what the fuck just happened?" but still glad that the other car is gone and we have the parking lot to ourselves. Then, out of fucking nowhere more lights come on and like...three or four cars pull out from behind the church and race out of the parking lot following the other car.
It was one of the oddest things that has ever happened to me.
8bitesq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've never really had a chance to tell this story and its still probably one of the most memorable moments in my life. I guess I can't say it's a good one really but it gives me a lot of faith in people.
Back in 2008 I was studying abroad in Seoul, Korea and attending Yonsei as part of a study abroad program. Every year Yonsei University and Korea University have this series of intercollegiate sports competitions called Yon Ko Jeon.
As part of the Mentor Club for international students, our Korean counterparts decided to shepherd all of us over to the stadium to watch some of the games. We went down into the subway station by the school and joined a pack of thousands of students. When the train stopped it was hard to really let people out before the students tried to get on. Some how I was at the front of our line right by the door, as people were trying to get out, students were trying to surge forward and I got caught up in it.
To this day I have no idea how I managed to do it or how I managed to fit but I some how found myself pushed into the gap between the subway car and the platform. I've never been as close to dying as I was then since. At the time, it wasn't really terrifying. Some rational part of my mind just accepted it. Honestly, the only things I really remember are being wedged in there, feeling something on my leg under the platform where I couldn't see it, and thinking for one second: "Maybe I could survive this" and then instantly accepted in the next that I was going to die.
The next thing I remember is being pulled out of the gap by my backpack by this 6'8" Texan in our group. If he had hesitated at all before pulling me out that probably would have been it. He didn't panic. When everyone had moved out of the way he reached down, pulled me up, and then shoved me on the train.
It all passed pretty quickly after that. We were on the train and we got to the game. I don't really remember much about the game but I have pictures and shit that show I was there and singing along and whatever. I do remember some old Korean ladies making me sit down in the section usually reserved for the elderly and handicapped. I remember this because I initially said now, then remembered you don't argue with your elders.
It didn't really hit me until that night after I had accidentally drank a ridiculous amount of soju and passed out on my kitchen floor holding a jar of grape jelly (my dad was coincidentally stationed at Yongson while I was there so he kept our fridge stocked) just how close I had come to almost dying. And it's stayed with me ever since. We joked about it and no one ever took it seriously the whole time I was there. Most people just forgot about it, I think. But there's some nights where I just have nightmares about being trapped in confined spaces. And then there's other nights that I wonder how the hell I was that composed and logical that I could accept that I was going to die that quickly.
The whole incident still scares me sometimes.
Mostly, though, I just don't think that guy knows how much it meant to me that he actually pulled me out of there. Most people I don't think get a second lease on life and there are times when I'm doing stuff that I just think back to that moment and think I couldn't have ever done any of this if he hadn't done what he did.
So, while he might not know how much that meant, now you do Reddit.
flynmid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried but here goes.
I used to lifeguard at a local neighborhood pool. Is been on the job a while and it was late in the season so there were only a few patrons and one other guard. So I decided to swim some while I wasn't on the stand. I was swimming laps and thought I'd try to see how far I could swim under water (see where this is going?). So I do it a couple times and I can get to the other end plus maybe a quarter of the way back in a 50 meter pool. I decide to try it again, but this time I'm determined. I get to the other end, then I pass the halfway point coming back.
The next thing I remember is hearing voices. I can hear them, but I don't have the energy to respond, I feel so exhausted I can't even open my eyes. Slowly I start realizing I'm strapped down. Turns out some of the people at the pool were off duty firemen. They had a truck with oxygen and everything. At this point I hear the ambulance arrive. Still too tired to move but I'm looking around and responding. I'm loaded into the ambulance and carried to the hospital. I'm feeling better but I can't catch my breath. The chlorine has inhibited my lungs ability to absorb oxygen and it is getting worse. I'm put on a forced breathing machine, and then the decision is made that I needed to be put on a ventilator.
This was the most terrifying part. I was put under, but not very far. I began waking up as they were sticking the tube down my throat. I was under the gas so it felt like a nightmare. I remember them telling me to cam down but it just wasn't registering. I was terrified and trying to move to get away but I had been strapped down. People were holding me down and simultaneously pushing a tube down my throat. It was like one of those nightmares where you're being chased or stabbed and your legs stop working, except this was real. I woke up intermittently throughout the next day still on the ventilator. After 24 hours I was taken off of it and signed out straight from ICU three days later. I still get nervous talking about waking up during the procedure, but a near death experience like drowning will give you some perspective. I don't recommend it though.
One Christmas, I took my then, 5 year old twins to a Homeless shelter to help pass out dinner. It is a rough area in Calgary and the people are often drunk and high and this can be scary to little kids. We did our volunteer time and my little ones were awesome. The shelter is downtown under a bridge and by the time we had finished it was snowy and dark. So here I go back to my car, parked a far distance, with my kids out into the night under a bridge with very little lighting. In the distance a clearly inebriated homeless gentleman was making his way straight for us. We moved a little to the left and he moved a little to the left. I was trying to keep my children safe but at the same time not teach them to be fearful or unkind. I pulled them close in to me as the man weaved his way towards us. My children saw him coming and looked at up at me with little snowflakes on their eyelashes oblivious to my concern. I had no money to give him and hoped that he would just go on his way and leave us alone. He stopped directly in front of us....Maam he said...yes....here take the gloves they are for your children I saw way back there that they had none....he handed me the gloves and walked under the bridge into the night.
That I have secretly had sex with every co-worker without anyone telling each other about it.
dubis98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate went to go visit his girlfriend thus weekend. Another one of my friends came to visit. Last night instead of buying our own beer we drank his. We then refilled the bottles with old flat coke and recapped them. We don't know which ones are which. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he takes that first sip.
Last august my buddy and I (both male) were hanging out at night doing nothing. It was one of those nights that it just felt so good to not wear a shirt, so neither of us had one on. It was 10 or so and we decided to go to an empty town park that had a bay and take a dip to cool down. Not having a bathing suit we just went in our boxers. So we get out of the water and go to a weeping willow and smoke a few bowls, nothing crazy. About an hour later public safety comes to the park to lock the gates, we see him pull up so we walk out from under the tree to leave. My friend walks out from the tree, but I had to gather up the bowl and pot and lighter and my cigarettes so I walked out a few seconds after him. Halfway to the car we both realize what this public safety got just witnessed. He didn't see two 20 something year olds walking our from a willow tree. What he saw was a 20 something year old guy walk out from under a willow tree in only boxers, then 10 seconds later another 20 something year old guy walk out from under the same tree only in boxers as well. As we drive out we drive past him and see the look of pure confusion on his face. It cracks me up everything to think that this guy genuinely believes he saw two men have homosexual relations in a public park at midnight.
Probably too late but, when I was seven years old, I liked climbing trees. One day, I figured out how to get into a sizeable pecan tree in our backyard. In it, I found a large branch that I could climb out a good way. I start working my way up and out the branch. At some point, my friend's dad tells me I should be careful and not climb too high, but fuck that. They soon left. So, he wasn't there when I had the great idea to crawl over to a smallish, nearby pine branch. The branch was, in retrospect, pretty sketch, but strong enough to hold me at the time. I made the transfer safely but as I let go of the original branch, I watched in horror as the limb, free of my weight, returned to its natural position--well out of my reach. I couldn't get back to the pecan tree. So I looked down in the pine tree. It was the bottom branch, but that didn't change the fact I was 30ft up. There wasn't any other trees close enough for me to reach and there was no way I was going anywhere. I yell at one of my sister, and soon my mom emerges to see my predicament. We don't have any ladders tall enough. My dad and older brother aren't home (this was before cell phones). Eventually, she decides she needs to call the fire department, who come with a 100+ft ladder truck. In trying to figure out how to get into our backyard, they circle the neighborhood twice, drawing significant attention to my plight. At the end of the day, they backed into our yard. I got out of the tree safely after 2 hrs off the ground. One of the fireman noted that it was the first time he had rescued anything other than a cat from a tree.
TL;DR: At 7, I got stuck in 30ft up in a tree and the fire department had to come rescue me.
When I went to get 4 stitches and a small piece of glass removed from my hand when I was washing a glass and it broke, I had to get X-rays done of my hand. Seeing as how I never had X-rays done, I thought it would be really cool to get a copy of them to show friends, so I asked the radiologist for a copy and he came out laughing saying it would cost me $200 for these copies. I was like really?! Then he said, "Nope, just kidding!"
3 weeks later when the bill arrived in the mail, I shit you not, listed under all the procedures, was "X-Ray Copies (1) - $200". Wtf....
In case anyone is wondering the whole procedure cost over $2500 after insurance paid.
A fight between a monkey and a lizard. I was visiting the Puerto Princessa underground river park in the Philippines over my summer break. My family and I sat down to eat lunch at this small picnic area. There were monkeys and 1.5 meter long monitor lizards just wandering around the place. My mother sat a bag of walnuts on the table and just as we were about to start eating, one of the larger monkeys starts jumping on the largest lizard getting it good and mad. As we were all watching this, a scrawny little shit jumps on the table and runs off with the .5 pound bag of nuts. This immediately ends the fight and the dynamic duo climbed up the tree. So I guess we got a show and we paid for it.
Back when Soviet Union collapsed, Estonia suddenly had a chance to buy stuff from the western world. My mom used to work at the biggest mall in Estonia and one time when they ordered some fancy, shiny, really good looking shoes from Germany, back when Estonia was under USSR's red wing, some of the people who had the chance to travel, very few, brought some stuff back from those fancy, ideal looking countries and sold them 10x or even more than it's value and people paid their 6 month salary for a pair of nike sweat pants or shoes, just because it was foreign. After a week people started to return those shoes, because apparently they wore off really fast. Once too many people had returned them, someone in charge contacted the German company and told them the product you sent us was shit and they would like an explanation. They explained that they wore off really fast and they were clearly not made for walking. The German company sent a simple letter saying "Were we come from, dead people do not walk". People who had ordered them at first apparently did not speak german and saw some nice shoes and bought a bulk of them.
Another one told by my mom's friend: So when Estonia was freed, people who could, started to travel to western countries. One middle aged lady went to London, but because most of the schools under the red power did not teach english, she had never learned it. She was at one of the malls, or some shop, in London and saw a really good anti-wrinkle cream there, so she bought it. She started to use it and it worked magic. She was wrinkle free in a couple of days and she thanked the god for it, so she kept using it. After a week of using it, her skin started to die, but because it could not have been the miracle worked who caused it, she kept using it. Couple more days and her skin really started to peel off and something was definitely really wrong, so she went to a doctor. After someone else read the labels on the "super cream's" bottle, they discovered that it was make up for dead people. It apparently removes the wrinkles like magic, but also fastens the decomposing of the skin. If I'm not mistaken she had some permanent damage, but nothing too sever.
There are punch of soviet/post soviet era stories from Estonia, which sound really fucking bizarre.
One time when I was young, like 10 years old. I was alone at home, in my basement on my computer with my headphones on, although nothing was playing at the moment. When I heard the door open upstairs and hear someone say "Is anybody home?", I first I thought it was my dad when I realized that my dad does not sound like that. I was freaking out then, and I heard the person's footsteps coming to my basement door, then I just saw his boots coming down the stairs, when I just turned around I started scrolling on my computer acting like I was doing something and that I didn't hear him because my headphones were on, and I just hear the footsteps keep on going until I guess he saw me, and the footsteps stopped. Then, there was a pause and he started running up the stairs then across the hallway and out the door. I was shocked that he didn't do anything and just left, probably cause he freaked out that someone else was here and bolted, even though it was just a kid.
When I first came to your planet you humans were still throwing rocks at each other and damn did you stink like shit but I find the human females amazingly lovely. This was before galactic law forbid interacting with primitives without a disguise and a cellular shield but I had my way with a lot of elegant human females and I've never found such a wonderful experience since. I stay on this planet to sell your entertainment media to the galaxy but I yearn for the real touch of that lovely hairy female again. I have followed her lineage, several of her descendants have done amazing things and one is an amazingly beautiful actress that shares her facial expressions to the tee: Ann Margaret. I wish you damn humans would hurry up and join the galaxy.
Context: I've been looking to become a freelance editor, applying with various publishing companies.
The scene: My local comic book store.
The story: I stopped in to pick up my pull list from my comic book guy, who I always chat with for usually 10 minutes or so, but there have been times when we've chatted for nearly 45 minutes. So I check out and he starts telling me about this new project that he and some local artists and writers are working on, in collaboration with some comic stores from nearby towns. Turns out the guy sort of organizing the whole thing is in the store too, so he joins the conversation. They're telling me about the books they're going to be publishing and the little preview "ashcan" that they have is free. So this all sounds super cool, local talent getting a chance to be published. And I ask, "Do you need help with editing?" And their eyes light up! Yes, they need help with editing, please come to the meeting tomorrow. I was not able to make it to the meeting (would have been today) but I did email this organizing fellow. Waiting to hear back and hopefully get started.
Summary: I'm excited to have an opportunity to edit comics.
This took place during my middle school years. I once got hit by a car while on the way to school in the morning. My dad is very strict and not very empathetic. Plus we were kind of on the poor side. After getting knocked off of my bike and onto the road, I just got up, grabbed my bike and made sure it was still ride-able. Then just went on my way to school. The guy that hit me just kept asking if I was okay. But all I ever told him was that I was going to be late to school, and that I'd be in trouble if anything like that happened. Sooo yea. I don't think I've ever really shared that story with anyone. Just a sad moment. Hell, I have a ton of sad moments. Blahhh
Something similar happened to me when I was a teen. I was driving in heavy traffic on a city road, and as traffic crawled in front of me, I stayed stopped for a few seconds in order to let someone make a left turn out of a parking lot. The guy in the SUV behind me apparently decided that I shouldn't be nice to people, so he rear-ended me after we had both been at a complete stop. I pulled over to assess the damage, and exchange info, but he just moved on. When I went home, my mom knew something wasn't right, so she asked me what the matter was. When I told her what happened, she actually started to get mad at me for getting into an accident, until I brought the fact that I had done nothing wrong to her attention. I remember staring at the Lucky Charms that I had fixed, floating in the milk after that, with a queasy stomach.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Guys, shorter histories please.
Came to this thread looking for quick fun
BestRbx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A story of my father. The old man has a zillion of them he used to tell us before bed...good times.
He was born and raised white boy in Lafayette, Louisiana. He has a strong reserved catholic mother, his father was a radio DJ and a Vietnam vet, he had the whole 9 yards. When he was 17, he got in a tiff with his mother over bringing his newfound garageband "trash" into her house and coming home at inane hours of the night, and he called her a bitch. My mom put a big purple hand-shaped bruise on his cheek and told him to move out.
So he graduates high school a few weeks later, and he grabs his garageband buddies, and they pile into his lovely rust-red pickup, and they move out. They moved far.
They drove to California. Now this is the early 80s, when greasers and switchblades are still a thing. Great time to be a dumbass with long curly brown hair.
So they arrive in California after a four day road-trip, ad it being 9-10 at night they decide to just spend another night in the truck before finding some digs.
"Hey....Let's go to the beach", his best man john said.
Now John....oh john, we've all got a John in our life. That reckless, dangerous, fun as hell dumbass that gets you arrested for the first time and leaves you with some of your finest memories. I've got plenty of dad stories, and half of them involve john.
So john suggest they pack it to the beach in the middle of the night to experience the Southern California Long Beach coast for the first time. They get there, park on the pier, and all is good and fine. They crack open a few illicitly owned beers and bask in their newfound freedom, dreaming of their future as rockstars in the heart of LA.
When there's a knock on the window. My dad looks up, and john asks "whodahellissat?" Standing next to the car is a big burly black haired man with two more and a replica of Earl Campbell plus a few muscles standing behind him.
"You new around here brother? Cus this is our turf"
And my dad happily throws back, "Yeah, this is our first night in california. :D"
Well that annoyed the cap'n, because his response went along the lines of "Well the pier is our land, along with half the rest of the coast. So unless you want a knife in all yous gullets, you better get the hell out of here."
So my father starts the engine, apologizes profusely, and gets ready to book it. Well john's pretty pissed. He wants the beach. he wants all the beeches. And he's not happy that these guys came to take them away. So not quite fully drunk but halfway there, he stands up out of the sun-roof as my father begins to pull away.
And he yells back at them "YO MAMA. HEHEHEEHEE"
My father, still trying to turn his manual shit-shift truck around, goes into a cold-sweated panic.
And, well, that's the story of how my father and his band got beaten within an inch of their lives on their first night in california. They woke up in the hospital courteousy of a few kind officers the next morning.
ionised ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The novel I've been writing for nearly ten years, now. It's nearly done and ready to be shipped off, but reality's hell-bent on spoiling some major plot elements. Already, my setting for the high-tension middle chapters has been spoilt by the Crimean situation actually happening in real life (and this is the big one). While it really doesn't spoil any of the 'core' plot elements, timing and everything considered, it deadens the impact of the lead-up to it since it's already news.
It's a pretty big novel, but just right now, slaving away on my final edits, the unfortunate fact that the situation in the Crimea actually played out in real life seems to have shot my motivation in the kneecap.
OOOOOOH GURL lemme tell yall a STORY. So Shanaynay and I wuz walkin down the lane when deez two tall ass mofos came all STRUTTIN up ta us and they said, (lip smack) "dayum you bitches is fine!" An I wuz like "OH NO YOU DID NOT" and snapped mah fingas in a z, for, may, tion! And we done walk away on back home.
We were driving home from Church. A late Tuesday night. Me, Alan, Brad, Carl (ABC, so it'll be easier to follow) I just met Alan, he's the driver. As he's driving us home, he informs us that he was terribly sorry to bring us into this. He didn't realize it was this late, and he had to make a stop. He then told us that he was selling Heroin to the locals, this was a rather large stop. About 10 people (I'm a sheltered 17 year old, and I've never even seen what pot looks like)
He makes a sharp turn into an empty dirt lot surrounded by trees and darkness. He demands that we all leave all electronics in the car, and Brad and Carl need to go stand watch in the trees to the left of us. Carl is crying begging for Alan to bring us home, Brad is keeping his cool. Alan grabs me by the collar and to the trunk of his car.
"EXTREME-ENIGMA!!! ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU CALM"
"I mean... I suppose so... what does that mean, what are you doing?!?!"
Alan pops the trunk and I see a gun. A rifle.
He hands me the gun and tells me to use it in case anything goes down, that I should hide in on the outskirts of the grass, just out of sight.
I start panicking, and lay the gun near Carl, and begin sprinting. Far enough where they can't find me, but close enough where I can tell if my friends are dead or not. In the dead quiet I hear, "WHERE THE FUCK IS EXTREME-ENIGMA?!?!"
I don't make a move.
Brad's whimpers carry throughout the forest and I hear "OH SHIT" and then a light pop, followed by the sound of 3 chuckles.
It was all a prank, the gun; a pellet rifle. I haven't talked to Alan since.
TL;DR: I think my friend is stopping to make a Heroin deal, he hands me a gun, we all flip out, turns out it's a prank.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I missed my bus home today, so my girlfriend got stuck with me for a little whole longer and wound up taking me to pick her sister up from a friends. Her sister thought I was an hour and a half away, so we saw the perfect opportunity to fuck with her.
Before we pulled up to get her, I climbed into the trunk of the car. My girlfriend has one of those two door cars where the back seats fold down to open up into the trunk, so I just squirmed into the back and got comfortable. They were driving for about fifteen minutes when I threw open the seat and started screaming. Her sister basically pissed her pants and proceeded to yell, "WHAT THE HELL" for five minutes straight while hyperventilating.
All in all 10/10 would do again. Trunks are more comfortable than CSI would lead you to believe.
I was walking from dinner to a pub just down the street and a homeless man on a bicycle comes out of nowhere and rides by us (I think 'swerved by' is more appropriate) and he yelled out "DOES ANYONE WANT XANEX MASHED POTATOES?!" and kept riding off. I could hear him still yelling about how they were garlic.
Literally just happened to me about an hour ago, I'm grounded (17yo) and expecting to go the entire weekend not seeing my gf. I ask to go to the store quickly to get a snack and am allowed to, I text my girlfriend, her and her friend pick me up, they are both extremely horny, I get a hj while they make our, her friend hops out for a smoke and then I fuck my gf and go straight home. Today was a good day.
I don't usually post stuff like this because there are people I know that know my reddit username, but they can deal with it.
So my boyfriend was seconds from going down on me, and he was in a silly mood that contrasted very sharply with the sexy mood desired for sexy things but who cares - getting oral. He goes, "Izze-bizzle, how many licks does it take to get to yummy center of your pussy? Let's find out! One! lick Two! lick Three!" and, expecting another lick, I adjusted myself slightly, but no. He made a biting motion that would have been harmless had I stayed still, but I moved, practically shoving myself in his face, and he bit me. And it hurt. A lot. It wasn't a hard bite, but it was that area, and yeah. But I was laughing so hard that it wasn't a big deal, but he was just apologizing and apologizing. It still makes me laugh to think about. I can't really tell anyone because no one cares about the funny parts of peoples' sex lives.
TL;DR Boyfriend pretends to be the owl from the tootsie pop commercials, accidentally bites my vagina.
Guy Fieri asked me "do you know who I am?!" with no irony and...it was dark, so no. I didn't recognize him and I said so. He was not happy, but in my defense he was being a dick, and there are a lot of overweight spiky bleach blond bros who wear bowling shirts. In the dark he just looked like he was from ASU.
So I was in court for the first time ever, over a DUI. I'm sitting in the back watching people go up to the judge, plead, and get sentenced right there "60 days" BOOM! "30 Days" BOOM!. It goes on for two hours, with not one single person getting less than 30 days. Then I go up and say "I'm willing to accept responsibility for what I did, but I caused no accidents and was not driving recklessly. I cannot go to jail since I am the sole worker in my family" The judge sentences me to 40 hours community service and six months unsupervised probation, plus a course to complete before my license is reinstated. As soon as he finishes my sentence, this guy jumps up and starts yelling "I got a year in jail and this guy gets no jail time? FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY!" over and over. The guards take him down to the cells where he sets off the whole cellblock down there. It was insane.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
2011
break up with girlfriend of 4 years
insane depression, spend life on 4chan for a few months, mainly on /v/
2012
still months until uni starts again
katawa shoujo threads shitting up /v/
decide to check it out
feels, feels everywhere
realise people, experiences and love aren't this amazing in real life
months later
go to orientation at new uni
still down on myself, don't feel social
the day was decent, met a girl I kinda liked but not my type
meet guy at the end
seems like typical /a/ neckbeard
about to leave, don't know where to go
random female shows up and takes me
talking at the bus stop
talking about computers
wtf is this sorcery, an attractive female that knows linux
really impressed that i use arch (because reading a wiki is too tricky
for females apparently)
bus comes
realise I've forgotten her name
fall asleep on bus
open my eyes
looked at my kingdom and I'm finally there
to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air
weeks pass, don't think much of her
see her again, talk for hours
she's a femanon
fuckyea.jpg
walk her home, don't really know where I'm going
awkward tension as we say goodbye
alpha mode activated
grab her and kiss her
strange taste in my mouth
uh oh
spaghetti starts pouring from my mouth and nostrils
erupting from my pockets and shirt
she tries to run but spaghetti traps her legs
mfw she still gives me her number
the journey continues
weeks later
i go full retard, break up with her while depressed
start talking to her best friend
she starts hitting on me
...hard
use every ounce of willpower to resist
make dinner plans with all three of us
eventually...
women in their natural kitchen habitat
tension at an all time high, both want me
spend all night trying to defuse tension or create it, this shouldnt be
so funny to me
dinner is surprisingly good, except I can't walk straight for some reason
have to walk girl home, but I need support to walk straight
if I get close to one girl the other will be jelly
wandering the city streets at night with a girl on each arm
notbad.jpg
try to tell them I'm okay, but the second I stumble they freak out
ordeal continues, too late to go home, have to go back and stay the
night together
tension at an all time high
end up on the couch with the femanon on the rug in front of me
look at her
realise I made the dumbest mistake of my life letting her go
thoughts interrupted by her friend crying in her room
I get up and walk over
open the door
get on the floor
everybody walk the dinosaur
comfort her, walk back to the couch
look at the beautiful girl in front of me
try to talk but it's stuck in my throat
"I-I...I love..."
get distracted, the house begins to shake
we both look up, trying to figure out what's going on
it's coming from her friend's room
get up, go to her door
"are you okay?"
she replies "yeah, I just...I just..."
"what is it?"
then she says it, the words that change my life
"anon...I need about tree fiddy"
wait what
open the door
no, not get on the floor, you stupid fucks
look closer
girl is in fact five stories tall
looks like a creature from the protozoic era
GOD DAMMIT NESSIE
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We were doing morning drills today, some simple warm ups to get the men and women ready to focus and put everything they had into the day ahead. I asked them to line up and do a simple obstacle course, expecting that it wouldn't pose a problem. And I was right. As each potential officer exited the course I asked them why they wanted to be a police officer.
Jim Booth is a model recruit in many ways. Disciplined, smart, if perhaps a little cocky. So I was surprised when he simply smiled, brushed his sandy blonde hair out of his eyes, and said "I want to PvP, sir".
"What?". I was stunned. Surely I had heard him wrong.
"Yeah" he nodded, bending forward and wiping his forehead off with a towel. "I'm tired of playing against bots".
Now, I may not have the most important job in the world. But I take it seriously. So when some young punk wants to make a joke comparing police work to video games? Well, you can bet I'll make an example out of him.
"Stand up straight, son. I want you to tell the whole class what you just told me."
Now he started to look a little worried. That's James getting cocky again, thinking he can get away with anything. He stepped toward me and lowered his voice, and I could hear his tone change, almost pleading. "Please, sir...let me just hold about tree fiddy."
And it was about that time I realized that Jim Booth was about eight stories tall and a crustacean from the protozoic era.
Flashback a few years ago, Carnival Liberty cruise with a few friends. Second day comes along and one of my friends gestures over towards two guys and says, "isn't that the Retarted Policeman?" Us being Ponceman fanatics at the time immediately recognized him, but still wanted to play it safe: God forbid if we approached the guy and it turned out not to be him. Well over the next couple of days we witnessed them do the funniest of shit: humping random objects and fucking around. It HAD to him. Later that night his brother Scott, his brother, approaches us and asks:
"Do you know where [place on ship is?]"
"Yeah its over there but wait you guys look really familiar"
"Really? Where do you think you've seen us before?"
"Youtube. Retarted Policeman?"
"Yup. You guys wanna hang out?"
"Hell Yes!"
Well they turned out to genuinely be the funniest guys we ever met and we even ended up in a video.
Here's one for ya! 14 years old, and want to "get drunk" because I see my parents sip their scotch and have a beer once in awhile. Same for my other two 14 year old female friends and our one neighborhood boy Josh who is also 14. So we plan this big "camp out" which is a tent in my friends yard, find a guy to buy us booze, and proceed to "drink like adults". Well we got a bottle of Ice 101 and a bottle of something else, I don't even remember what. Turns out I'm allergic to cinnamon extract, so couple an allergic reaction with alcohol poisoning, after having my first lesbian sexual encounter while making poor Josh watch as we fingered and licked each other... I run into my friends house, covered in hives, drunk, naked, and told her mom that her daughter was fucking the neighbor... at 14 years old. My cop step-dad had to come get me and bounced me up and down till I puked my guts out, then put me in the bathtub naked and video taped me puking and pissing myself... fun times
TLDR: Just fucking read it, cuz I spilled my guts out, literally
Edit... and to "bounced me up and down" I really mean he was basically giving me the heimlich shit of shoving his fists into my stomach to make me puke. It worked.
One night in my college days, my friends and I satisfied our late night munchies at the local diner and headed back to our dorm on foot through the city. Halfway home on an empty street, a guy with a backpack bicycles past us, slows to a stop, and asks if we want to buy some coconuts. We all stand in silence, baffled, until someone mutters "Nah, we're good." The travelling salesman shrugs and pedals off into the night.
To this day I wonder how my life might be different had I bought that stranger's coconuts.
When I was 8 or 9 or so years old my friend and I had developed a way to sneak into hotel pools, wherein we would pretend we were guests of the hotel by riding the elevators and making up fake room numbers and just generally being kids and whatnot. One day we were riding down the elevator in our bathing suits/towels and an older man gets on at one of the floor stops. He starts telling this really weird story about how his girlfriend broke up with him and then randomly whips out his dick. Neither of us had ever seen a penis before and my friend freaks out and started crying. I honestly had no idea how to react so I just laughed like hysterical laughter. I guess it really threw the guy for a loop because then HE starts freaking out and bolts off the elevator at the next stop. I think my mom called the cops or something afterwards, not really sure. She took us out for icecream after we left though, which was awesome.
pervian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party, so this will probably get buried, but it was late 2006 or maybe early 2007. It was cold and this Texan didn't bring an appropriate coat, but I had just started dating a girl for less than a month and she introduced me to the genius that is Jim Gaffigan. I flew out to NYC to visit some friends. We are coming home from the bar one night and low and behold I see a man, with a wife, pushing a stroller. The man looks amazingly like Jim Gaffigan. He's tall, white, similar hair, etc. Wait...NO SHIT...IT IS HIM!!! I was about to ask him for a picture and I notice that he's looking around while walking almost as if he is trying not to be noticed. I think to myself, hey, he's with his wife and kid, no need to just intrude for a selfie with my crappy flip phone camera. I talk to my friend whom I'm staying with and am told it likely was him given his demeanor (she noticed his seemingly avertive head movements) and said that Tina Fey lives in the area. Something, something, news story about Tina Fey's apartment having bed bugs or something.
I'm flying back and know I'll be picked up by the girl who introduced me to Jim Gaffigan's videos. No way would she believe the story without a picture. Why would she? I mean c'mon - imagine the crazy, stupid odds and I'll just sound like I'm trying to impress her and have no proof.
Socially awkward penguin prevents me from getting a picture. Socially awkward penguin prevents me from telling the girl who would have actually been interested.
So I never tell her my story and I keep it inside until this thread and my story gets told to reddit, 7 years after the fact.
Jim Gaffigan, if you're out there, I still wish I could get a picture with you.
I do commercial diving as a side job for extra money on top of my actual job. I dove on a shrimp boat today to get it ready for shrimping season. It was a slow shrimp season last here around here, so they docked before winter hit. The boats themselves are all in pretty shitty condition, because they've pretty much just sat there and had mud, barnacles, and oysters growing on them for months.
So, today, I'm cleaning the propeller, nozzle (a circular enclosure around the propeller to prevent nets and ropes from getting tangled), and keel cooler (boat radiator). I noticed after about 15 minutes of knocking barnacles and oysters off of the rudder that there was a giant sheephead (the fish) sitting under the propeller, eating bits of the junk I'd knocked off that had fallen to the bottom of the nozzle.
When I got close to him, we proceeded to play a sort of ring-around-the-rosie with the rudder. He moved faster than I could blink and was just gone. I peeked under the rudder and caught a glimpse of his tail. When I went under the rudder to try to sneak up on him, he was already gone, and back at the nozzle, eating.
This went on for 20+ minutes. Everytime I got close, he'd vanish. If I went around the back of the rudder, he'd go to the other side. If I went under, he'd go back to eating. Not that this is anything fascinating to anyone else, but I've just started doing this for work just before winter started. I also live where the water is black instead of clear. 6+ inches of visibility is a big deal. It's the first time I've actually encountered something in the water besides my co-workers. Not gonna lie, he made me a bit nervous at first. I had to work up the motivation to play with it.
When I was a sophmore in highschool and my sister was a senior she started dating this guy. He was really cool, laid back amiable stoner. But he had this cousin who really skecthed me out, he was always fidgeting and coming down off of something.
Any way, so almost a year into their realationship my sister comes home and tells me she has a surprise for me and it's at her boyfriends house. She picks me up from school and we drive over to his place. So we go into his house and they tell me its in the closet. I open the closet and I see it, five pounds of marijuana. To a sixteen year old kid who has been smoking dime sacks for the past two years it was the most beautiful sight in the world.
Once i let the sight soak in I asked them where they got it from. Her boyfriend goes on to tell me that they suspected that their neighbor was growing so him and his cousin broke into his garage and collected their canabis. It was a great few months after that but my sister eventually broke it off with him.
Today, me and my buddy were fishing a private lake that we didn't have access to. We kept fishing and about an hour in a lady with her children walk up curious about us fishing. She asks if her kids can watch us fish and of course we say sure. She asks if were from the neigborhood and out of instinct I say yes because I didn't want to get in any trouble. She decides to introduce herself and tell us her name and asks our names. I say the "smiths" (not actually smith) and she tells us which part of the neighbor hood she lives in. And then asks where we live. Me and my buddy both point to opposite directions..... We walked away, back to the car...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was in the elevator the other day with one of our neighbor ladies. The elevator stopped and she was about to leave, and I was getting mentally ready to say "bye". The doors opened, and I saw another neighbor I knew, and I was somehow totally caught off guard, and said out loud: "BALLO!!!". Neither of them responded.
So I was having my solo-time in this pretty town called Long Grove, Illinois. It's a lovely place filled with shops, restaurants, coffeeshops, antiques, and everything comprising a conservatively styled village.
There's this little square in the town and I'm sitting on a bench enjoying an espresso and ice cream while peoplewatching...Everybody around just seemed so happy: the elderly couple, the 20-something mother with a stroller, the dude walking his dog, etc. What really gave me a nostalgic suckerpunch was a group of four girls playing 4-square inside these four giant hula hoops. I used to be obsessed with 4-square in my elementary school and watching them play brought back memories.
When I finished my coffee, I got up and walked back to Main Street. To get from the square to the road, you had to climb this small hill on a few stairs. Between the top of the stairs and the sidewalk was a bench facing the square...and sitting on the bench...was this fat, unhygienic old man staring creepily into the distance. Hanging around his neck was a video camera...with a blinking red light. After walking behind him, I realized: this bastard's filming the little girls playing with their ball.
"Something MUST be done."
The comic shop across the street gave me a dastardly idea. Before then, I saw this video on Youtube where a guy poses as a teenage girl on Plentyoffish.com and lures a pedophile trying to bang "her" only to meet him dressed as Batman.
I sort of got inspired and entered the comic shop to purchase a cheap Batman mask, t-shirt, cape, and a copy of the local newspaper. I put my "costume" on behind the store (by this point I could've passed as the laziest, cringe-worthiest cosplayer at comic-con) and casually crossed the street and sat next to the guy. He was perhaps confused, but he continued sitting when I started reading the newspaper. It was time to revive my acting days from high school...
After two minutes, I put the paper down and deeply grunted "PREDATOR!"
He looks shocked and VISIBLY turns off his camera. "Wha-huh what?"
"PREDATOR! Have you seen the movie Predator? Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger?"
"Uhh...no...who are you?"
"I'm Batmaaaaan," I said with the classic gravelly voice while trying not to laugh. I put the paper up to my face and he's STILL sitting next to me. Time to take things up a notch.
Then, I had another evil idea...I discreetly took my phone out and faked a phonecall (pressing the ringtone preview and pretending that someone called me).
"Hello?...Hahahaha hey, Lorenzo what's up?...Yes?...Oh!... HAHAHAHAHA...Nice! So how's business?...Alright! Hey listen, Lorenzo. I have an offer ya can't refuse. I am willing to pay you $5,000 for three that are 12 years old and tasty...mmhmm...mmhmm...Oh! You've got'em locked in your cellar! Wonderful! Wonderful!...Can I pick'em up tonight?...Thanks, man! Batman's gonna have a lovely dinner tonight!...Take care, bro...bye-bye." I put the phone down and lifted my newspaper back up.
I can feel the bastard staring at me in awe. Then, he breaks the silence...
"Umm...sir?"
"I ONLY RESPOND TO BATMAN!!!"
"Uhh, ok...Batman. W-w-would you say that you're..."good with kids" if you know what I mean?"
"Oh! OooooOOOOoooOOOh!!! I know what you mean! I used to be a babysitter before I became the Hero that Gotham Deserves! So many kids, so little time...Those were the days..."
"Well...uh...you see those little girls playing down there?"
"Oohoohoo yes! What about them?"
"Can you, uh...pick one of them up for me? I'll pay you."
"No problem! What are you gonna do with her?"
"Well...you know, play games, getting to know each other...maybe some touching..."
This guy is probably the stupidest pedophile in the fucking world! Why would he tell his illegal plans to a guy shittily dressed as Batman???
That's when I stood on the bench, pointed at him and yelled "PEDOPHILE!!!!!"
He looks surprised and responds "You too! You just bought three 12-year-olds for 5 grand!"
"YOU PERVERT! I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT CHILDREN! I WAS TALKING ABOUT WINE! LORENZO SELLS ME HIS BOTTLES FROM HIS COLLECTION BECAUSE BATMAN'S A CONNOISSEUR OF FINE WINES!!! YOU ON THE OTHER HAND ARE A MOTHERFUCKING PREDATOR!!!!!!"
Everyone's staring and this guy's flashing red. I see two intrigued policewomen approaching and I flag them down.
"POLICE!!! THIS MAN'S A PREDATOOOOOOR!!!"
At this point, he gets up, fiddles with his camera (presumably to delete the video), and hauls ass down the sidewalk. Both of the ladies start chasing him and after they're gone, I haul ass back to my car and drive the hell away.
I want to tell the recent story of how I got my first full time job but I feel like it's bragging. Well I guess it is, but I've just never been so surprised with myself.
It's November of 2011 and I'm crocheting a scarf for a friend in the living room of the house I grew up in.
My dad came home from work (landscaping) and complained of something like a headache.
I'm not really paying attention to my parents conversation but my ears perk up when I hear my mom say, "Your face. One side of your face isn't moving."
I immediately began talking to a friend of mine, who I trust more than I trust google for information.
I knew what the signs were but I wanted someone to tell me "No, don't worry."
Instead she told me to get him to a hospital.
My mom, sister and I told him we think he's had a stroke and we need to take him to a hospital.
He refuses, says he just needs a nap.
We call our older brother and tell him that Dad may have had a stroke but he's refusing to let us take him to the hospital.
My brother comes over and talks to my dad for a little while and then finally says, "Dad. I think we need to take you to the hospital."
In the hospital they tell us he's had two minor strokes and it was a good thing we brought him when we did because the strokes were a precursor to his failing kidneys.
The only time I'd seen my dad sick was when he caught the occasional cold.
This is a man who, at 60, was still climbing into trees with chainsaws.
He's 63 now and has a hard time walking without the use of a cane or a walker. He's on dialysis three times a week and needs so much medication for problems including diabetes (which he lost his left eye to some years ago).
The hospital bills start piling up and my brother suggests that we move out of our house. The house I'd grown up in. In fact, I'd never lived in another house.
My brother offered his own house that he owned and then he and his wife would move into a rented house that his father-in-law owned.
It's January 2012 - just months after Dad's initial strokes.
We're selling a few items from our yard, including the RV we'd purchased only a year or two before.
An elderly lady drives into our alley way and stops in front of our driveway and motions to us.
We approach and she asks if she can see the inside of the RV. We say yes and ask her to just pull into the driveway.
She decides she will turn immediately instead of turning onto the concrete of the driveway and ploughs into our gas meter.
As we yell and motion for her to STOP and TURN YOUR VEHICLE OFF so that she wouldn't spark the gas that was now flooding the air, she instead reverses off the meter and peels out further down the alleyway only to discover that it was dead-ended.
She turns around in another driveway.
My father stands in the alleyway to block her but she only slows enough for him to realize she isn't planning on sticking around and he moves out of the way and she speeds past yelling something along the lines of "I'm not staying here!"
We call emergency and firefighters are at our house in seconds and manage to cap the gas leak off - the stink of which is now heavy in the neighborhood.
Middle of winter in North Texas is nothing to joke about.
That night my sister and I took my parents to my brother's empty house and filled an air mattress and fitted it with sheets and took one of the tv's so they wouldn't be bored.
We turned on the heat and my mom brought pots and pans and hot dogs or something and made us dinner.
Unwilling to leave the house abandoned without supervision and unable to yet move our dogs over, my sister and I stayed in the house for about three more days with no heat, no hot water, no gas to cook with and continued working - attempting to keep my father's business afloat without him.
We slept with our computers on to generate heat and our chihuahua dogs on our laps on the oddly-shaped couch we have under mountains of sheets and covers.
We had planned to move over in March - it would have given us enough time to complete a third room and third bathroom for my parents in the two-bedroom, two bathroom house my brother owned.
And to complete my own bedroom which didn't yet have flooring, blinds or even molding.
Our congregation heard about our plight and pooled donations to give us an amount of money and then pooled their resources and helped us move out of our house in just two days.
It's May 2014 and Mom and Dad, my sister and I are okay.
We've had some scares on the way.
Dad's legs bloated at one point from water retention and boy, let me tell you, you never saw nurses move so fast when we took him to the ER.
Mom stepped up to the plate despite her own health issues and cares for Dad like no one else could.
She wakes up at 5 am every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to take him to dialysis and picks him up at 10 am.
I was scared, when Dad got sick, that this would be too difficult for them to face but they've proven me wrong over and over again.
If I ever get married, I hope my spouse loves me even a fraction as much as my parents love each other.
My sister and her lupus flair-ups can be nerve-wracking. Her history of asthma and lupus coupled with a bout of pneumonia put her in the hospital just a few weeks ago.
She's better now.
My own car accident that totaled my car and left us with one truck to support 2 elderly adults and 2 working adult women.
The only reason I tell this story is as a warning.
You can't possibly be prepared to deal with everything life violently flings at you. You need to know that now.
You can only surround yourself with friends and/or family who can help you pull through it. I thank God I found the people who helped me.
Probably the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. My girlfriend and I went on a extended road trip for 4 months. We traveled in a mini van which we would sometimes sleep in if circumstances permitted, but spent a majority of our nights in our two person tent. Anyway, we started from the east coast and had been traveling for a while. Slept in many many different circumstances, being sketchy people, sketchy areas, or most commonly, places where wildlife was a threat. One of these places including BC, Canada, aka grizzly bear land. Eventually, we made our way to Lake Tahoe, where a friend had graciously offered his empty house to us to stay in. In our correspondence leading up to our stay, he had mentioned how bears were really prevalent in the area and we should be careful. I swear I'm getting there, stay with me. So like I said, he mentioned bears a few times, but honestly we hadn't really put much thought into it. I mean we had been sleeping in bear territory with only fabric separating us from the environment for a while now.
We settle into the house and we are in absolute heaven. I mean four walls, a bed, hot water, refrigerator.. Plus it's hot as balls, so we are enjoying shelter. After dinner one night we decided to go for a walk. So we are walking around these neighborhoods, enjoying everything. While walking we get yelled at by this lady, hmm strange, but couldn't really make it out, so we keep walking. The next night we decide to walk again, again same woman yells at us, what is her deal? So I yell back, and she responds with "you really shouldn't be out at night, because of the bears!" Oh, ok thanks. I guess we'll go back. A few days pass by uneventfully. Then one day we are sitting on the couch watching tv, and I hear the screen door rattle, like a knock. My girlfriend says it's probably the neighbor, she was gunna give me some spices. I get up, stroll around the corner, and I see this hairy arm holding the handle on the screen door. My first thought was, holy shit some hairy man is trying to rob us! But because of the angle, all I can see is like 3 inches or an arm and the door. I continue around the corner, and there is a FUCKING BEAR standing on its hind legs, one paw on the door latch opening it, and the other gripped in the screen, with 3 inch claws, pulling the door half open. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I stand there frozen, less than a foot from the bear, with direct fucking eye contact. Meanwhile my girlfriend is asking from the other room what's happening and why I'm rudely greeting the neighbor with silence. I couldn't respond, I was frozen staring at this bear about to enter the fucking house. It felt like a long time, but probably only 3 seconds pass. Boom, boom, boom goes my heart and BAM I slammed the main door shut in its face. Still frozen in fear, probably 10 seconds later I manage to yell "BEAR". My girlfriend runs over and the fucking thing is still just standing on its hind legs like, "hey, I was gunna come in there". Slowly it gets down, turns around, and casually strolls away.
Ive actually posted this story recently under another sub (/r/swimming) but this is the story of my grandfather
My grandfather, Charles Isami Oda, was born in 1923 on the island of Maui in Hawaii. His parents, Japanese immigrants (Issei), had come to the Islands for the opportunity to work the thriving sugar plantations on Maui. In 1937, at the age of 14, Charlie joined the famous 3 Year Swim Club (3YSC) of Maui. The team was organized to train young swimmers from Maui to participate in the 1940 Olympic Games only three years away...an unbelievable ambition for plantation kids from a then remote part of the Hawaiian Islands. Under the disciplined coaching of Soichi Sakamoto, the team scored impressive wins, winning the AAU National Championships in 1939, 1940 & 1941 and many of the team members were anticipated to make the the 1940 Olympic Team - Charlie included. These kids were not to get their shot at the 1940 Olympic Games though, or the 1944 Games. The war in Europe caused both Olympics to be canceled.
In 1941, Charlie attended the University of Hawaii in Honolulu on a swimming scholarship and was a member of the ROTC command for the University. After the attack on Pearl Harbor, Charlie was assigned to guard coastal installations against an expected ground attack against Hawaii from the Japanese army. Although the ground attack never occured, the subsequent backlash against Americans of Japanese ancestry that ultimately resulted in the internment of Japanese Americans, also prohibited Charlie from participating in the armed services. He was dismissed from his ROTC unit and classified by the US government as an "Enemy Alien". He remained in Honolulu and continued his studies at the University.
In 1943, responding to a call for volunteers of Japanese Americans for military service, Charlie volunteered for the newly formed 442 Regimental Combat Team (442 RCT) and was assigned to the Cannon Company. The 442 RCT was a segregated unit made up of Japanese American volunteers from Hawaii and the Japanese Internment Camps on the mainland. Charlie competed his military training at Camp Shelby, Mississippi and landed in Naples, Italy in 1944. During the war, Charlie engaged in combat against the Germans and Italians as part of the 5th Army under the command of Gen. Mark Clark in Italy & France. The 442nd RCT is still today the most decorated unit of it's size in US history!
Now, during the late summer of 1944, at the height of WWII, in lieu of Olympic Games, the Tri-Theatre Allied Games were held in Rome, Italy. The games were organized for Allied athletes from the European & Mediterranean Armies in an athletic competition that included Track & Field, Swimming & Diving, and Team Sports. At those games, Pfc. Charles Oda (Charlie) participated in the Swimming & Diving competition for the Mediterranean Theatre of Operations (MTO) team. Competing against several past and future Olympic Champions, Charlie individually won the 200M, 400M and 1500M freestyle events and anchored the 400M and 800M relays to the team championship. As a result of his efforts, Charlie was awarded the "Outstanding Performer" award and presented a trophy for his accomplishments. Unfortunately, as Charlie returned to his front-line duties as a close-support cannon operator for the renowned 442nd Regimental Combat Team in Northern Italy, he lost track of his trophy and we are now hoping to recover it as a memento of his accomplishments and as reminder of his service and contributions during that challenging time of our history.
Today, we are still looking for my grandfather's trophy and trying to get his story more well known considering how amazing of a life he has lived. If you are more interested in my grandfather or his story you can read more here: http://www.charlesodatrophy.info/
Thank you for the read!
So my wife has this on again / off again friend that she hangs out with time to time. Well, it just so happens that her friend confides in her that she has been having an affair with someone they both went to high school with for a couple of years now. Well, my wife didn't think much about it until a few months later when she gets a call from her husband asking if she knows where she was. Apparently, she just up and left while he was away on a business trip for a couple of weeks and didn't leave a note or anything. My wife had no idea and told him as such. He hung up the phone and that was that.
A couple of days go by and we get another call; this time it's her friend. She is crying and every car with a siren is at her house. Her husband had committed suicide. He found out about the affair and the next day locked himself in the garage with the car on while she was gone for the evening.
Well, after a couple of days my wife asks if we would go and to check up on her and I reluctantly agree. (For the record, I don't really like her friend or the guy she had the affair with. I knew them both from high school too and they were not really the kind of people I liked to hang out with.) But as we get there we see her dead husband's parents sitting on the porch. A little awkward. We exchange pleasantries and soon we are whisked off to dinner paid for by the deceased's parents.
So I'm sitting there eating dinner listening to this guys parents talk about their son; how they had no idea he was depressed or suicidal. How he was always a good boy. And they went on to say how lucky he was to have had his wife by his side for as long as he did. After awhile it dawned on me they had no idea what had really happened with their son as to why he committed suicide! I'm sitting there with food in my mouth looking at my wife who. by then, is looking as white as a sheet. I wanted to tell his parents the truth SO FUCKING BAD.
To top it all off apparently he had 2 life insurance policies that she collected on him topping 350K USD and had them long enough that she could collect even if suicide was cause of death. She now lives with the dude she had an affair with who left his wife and 2 kids of 15 years. His parents still have no idea.
TL;DR Woman has an affair and her husband finds out and kills himself. Husband's parents were lied to and had no idea why son committed suicide. Unfaithful woman collects life insurance and lives happily ever after with douchbag that left his whole family.
So, I was doing what I usually do on my average day at school, go to zero period Jazz Band. It was pretty cool, played some head charts and had a pretty good time. I went through all the classes, finally reaching lunch. Now at my school, we have a thing called the Lunch Pass. Now this is like a shitty school drivers license, and it has my picture on it. Now, this lunch pass allows you to go outside for food and very few in my grade level had one. I did, and so did my best friend. But he left his at home that day. I hate going outside alone since its kinda bland and awkward, but if I had known what was coming next I swear I would have gone in a second.
So I spend the next two minutes finding someone else to go outside with, to no avail. I had given up and was just gonna stay inside until my friend Rashid asked me to buy him a loaded griller. Now, I usually don't just go outside for someone else, but Rashid is special. He's our eternal leader. But that's a story for a different time. Anyway, so I go outside to go to Taco Bell. While I'm waiting in line I see a nice girl standing in front of me. This girl just happened to be in my Spanish class, yet I never got to talk her often. So I decided I would, and fuck was she prettier when j got to know her. So we talked for a while, and after this I asked her if we could hang after school. She said sure, and this is where things got interesting.
So after we hang out, I meet her after school, running away from track practice, and we start the walk home. Now, its important to note that I was really attracted to her and I wanted to show this, and when I got home I tried to be as romantic as a fifteen year old can be. While doing this, we are about to get it on when she pokes a whole through my condom with her bracket. Blue balls soon to come, I thought with my dick and came to the conclusion that, we needed to walk to 7-11 and buy more. So we walk there together and I'm at the register ready to buy my condoms. And I do, right size and everything, and I'm ready to go. Now my girl has a bag of Fritos and a powerade in her hand. She asks me, "hey can you help me pay for this?" I said "yeah, how much do you need?" "I'mma need 'bout tree fiddy." It was at this moment that I realized that the girl in my Spanish class was actually a giant creature from the Paleolithic era. And I said "god dammit monstah, I ain't given you no tree fiddy." And that's how I got the blue balls to end all blue balls, and became a legend at my school.
Back in freshman year of highschool, a couple of my friends started making clothespin toothpick guns and selling them in the school. Well, I asked if they would let me in, and they made a deal with me: if I can figure out how to make them, I could sell my own, no bad blood between us. I asked to look at one, sketched it up, went home and made a fuckton of the things. The next day, were all happily selling the fuckers. In that one day, I made back what I put into it plus some more. Well, the day after that, some guy got busted with one, and turned us all in. We all got suspended for selling weapons on school property, and I got a speech about my entrepreneurial spirit, and a graphic description of having to pull a toothpick out of a foot after it had become entirely embedded in the flesh.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How exhilarating, we definitely would not have believed you without proof
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How I like a girl who will never like me
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Got my very first shiny pokemon the other day.
CorsoKO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not really that special of a story considering many others have many like them...
Anyway I was doing community service at my university about a week and a half ago... I went around NYC giving the homeless clothes on a night that was pouring rain.
Not many people came out but there was one gentleman who really stood out to me. He seemed really well put together and was a nice guy. I spoke to him for about a half hour before asking him how he became homeless.
He told me that he'd lost his job soon after the financial crisis in 2008. He lost a job that paid him a relatively high salary and then gave up everything to put his daughter through college.
Now I know there are some who will say he's lying and he absolutely could have been. But, it's crazy to think about how people out there are really struggling to get by while we're here typing away on keyboards. I don't feel guilty for it and neither should any of you but I really wish some people in the U.S. would have empathy for the poor.
No one wishes to live in poverty and the way that some people get there is heartbreaking. Everyone you meet is just as human as you regardless of what they may look like or what their income is...
In the end go out of your way to help those less fortunate. It doesn't always have to material things either... Sometimes all they want is someone to talk to...
Super late to this party, and this post will probably get buried, but I really want to tell this story. I have never been good at math. Numbers just don't click in my head, and I was never able to conceptualize abstract mathematics either. I appreciate and respect math, but we don't get along. That being said, I'm a really good student who graduated high school with a 3.9 and college with a 3.3. I'd consider myself of above average intelligence, and I currently have a good-paying, full time job. That being said...
1st semester my Freshman year of college I had to take Finite Math as part of a general ed requirement for my Liberal Arts degree. The class was from 5:45pm-7:30pm Tuesdays/Thursdays. First night of class, I was walking out of my dormitory, and I spot a guy leaving who happens to be on my dorm floor. Turns out, he and I are in the exact same class. As we're walking to class, I half-jokingly bring up the idea of drinking before our next class on Thursday. He laughs and says that he would be down if I was. So we agree to the brilliant idea of "pregaming" (aka, drink a shit ton) before our Thursday class that week. We do...it's awesome, frivolity ensues, and we bond. We end up making heavy inebriation a pre-class Thursday ritual, and at the same time, we started to just blow off Tuesday classes. It's just not the same when you're sober, ya know? I am not exaggerating...75% of the time, we either skipped or went to that class intoxicated.
Fast forward to the Final Exam. I decide it'd be a good idea to to a hit of ecstasy before my finals. I roll (pun intended) up into my Finite final high as shit on X, and start to do my Final. I come to the ecstasy-fueled realization that I don't know this shit, and I'm going to need a calculator to answer these questions. Calculators are strictly prohibited on the Finite final exam. Don't ask me the logic of that, but that's just how it is. I say fuck it, and in my ecstatic frame of mind I declare to myself that I can either choose to fail this test because I don't know how to do the work, or I can fail it by having the balls to pull out my calculator and then get discovered, creating a crash and burn situation. I sack up and choose option two. I ended up getting a B in that class. My friend got a C+, and we are currently still best friends several years later post-college. Also, I don't do hard drugs anymore and drink responsibly on some weekends.
TL;DR: Went drunk to college Finite Math class a majority of the time, cheated while rolling on X during the Final, passed with a B.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A kid one year older than me (he's 17) I know that went to my school last year was arrested last week because him and his friend robbed a liquor store with machetes and bandanas on. Charged with armed robbery, disguise with intent, uttering threats and mischief. So, yeah.
One time me and my friends were driving around at night and saw a hit and run happen in a fast food parking lot. We turned around and searched all over for the guy so we could get his tag number, but we couldn't find him. We went back to the restaurant and told them what we saw then answered a few questions with the police, but as I was driving them home lo and behold we see the culprit pulling out of a small motel RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. We tail him and he's driving really sketchy like he knows someone is onto him. We called the cops to report him, and the rest of the night youthful, adrenaline laced vigilante blood was running through my veins.
When I was in 10th grade we were playing dodgeball in the gym when a pulled a muscle in my groin while diving to avoid a shot from a gym class all-star. The mandatory rule in our highschool was to be escorted to the nurses office via a wheelchair pushed by the nurse. I'm assuring everyone that I'm ok when the nurse walks in. Now we all had the grandma school nurse that looks like the back of an old baseball glove but there was a substitute nurse for a few weeks while our old nurse was out for hip surgery. She was a mid-late 20's bombshell with dark black hair and big juicy cans. The entire gym almost fell silent as she came in. You knew she knew that everyone was staring at her.
I take my place in the chair and get taken back to the nurses office. She asks me the normal questions, "What happened?", "Where does it hurt?" and such and then she asked to physically examine the area. She pulled down my gym shorts and that's when my darkest nightmare came to fruition. I had an erection. A giant fleshy monster hiding under the cover darkness in my tighty whites.
I will never forget what she said next. "Let's see what we can do about your problem here". With that she reached into my boxers and pulled out my dick. Now I've seen my dick plenty of times, but today it was comically large, the largest I have ever seen it. She began pumping her hand up and down my shaft, my body racking with each blissful stroke. This godess was draining me of my life blood, my sweet seed. I blew my load all over those cans and she gave me the ok to go back to class.
We had fun a few other times that semester....
I was closing for the restaurant I work at one time and before I can leave, I have to sweep the floors. Our sister restaurant, which happens to be next door, seems to always get a hold of our brooms. It is somewhat of a sibling rivalry, especially since we are red shirts and they're blue shirts.
So as I walk in to the blue territory, some girl blocks my path and says, "what you want?".
I reply "I just need to get a broom".
"Why you always taking our brooms?!"
Without hesitation, from the depths of my mind that I can never seem to conquer, I say "Cause I just want to sweep you off your feet".
Everyone at that moment snapped back and had the only 'Whoa, that was smooth' face. That is when I realized, if I say anything else, I'll ruin the moment. So I just left it at that and walked away with the biggest grin on my face... without a broom.
I was getting gas in a not so nice part of town a few years ago, when I scored a point playing my favorite car game of spot the hooker. She wasn't trying to hide it, black girl pretty strung out middle of the day wearing high heels and a gold skin tight dress barely covered her ass. She walks by the gas station and takes a seat at the bus stop, a minute or so later a middle age guy rides up on a mountain bike and starts telling her "give me my money!" Over and over again. Eventually I finish getting my gas about the same time she starts walking away. As I exit the gas station I end up driving by them again but I'm already in the far lane but just as I pass them I see the man shove her onto some grass and attempt to step on her while still trying to balance his mountain bike. Now I have no idea what happened here, and I know I'll be downvoted for not helping someone in need but again this was the bad part of town and I don't interfere with pimps and their hookers. I also didn't call the police because there was one in traffic directly across from them who saw the whole thing, obviously this guy isn't a very good pimp.
Edit: spelling errors, typed on mobile so please ignore my lack of formatting.
JNaps95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 8th grade I was one of the three basketball captains, but I was the coaches pick. In school back then I was sort of a nobody. My small group of friends were the only people I talked to and cared about me. One night after a big game that went into double over time I woke up in a hospital. Turned out I had a seizure in my bed and my parents rushed me to the hospital. Back then I considered basketball my life. I was 6ft and 230lbs. I couldn't shoot a jumpshot to save my life, but defense and rebounds were my game. As captain I needed to tell the team I couldn't make it to todays game, because my parents wouldn't let me go to school no matter how much I asked. I told three people what happened. My co-captain Matt and my two friends Justin and Andrew. Well later that day I convinced my parents to let me go to the game and support my team. They dropped me off and left. The game was packed, people were standing everywhere who couldn't get seats. I will aways remember as I walked in everyone stood up and gave me a standing ovation. I didn't post it on Facebook or text 100 different people about it I told 3 people and it spread to the entire school. It was that one moment that showed me how good people can actually be. We lost the game but I left the school feeling the best I did all day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My father, little brother, and I were at the premiere of "I am Legend" when it came out. The whole theater was packed to the walls to see Will Smith get his action on. But anyway, before we left my brother complained about his stomach hurting, my father didn't think too much of it so we went anyway. We arrived at the movie theaters and took our seats. One of my team mates from football just so happened to be there too. There were 3 black guys infront of us when the movie started to play. Half way into the movie my brother stands up and literally sprays the black guys in the back of the head with vomit. They got up cursing, saying fuck like 10 different times. My dad picked up my brother and we booked it. My team mate told me they had to shut the movie off for 20 minutes because they needed to clean it up. It was all keks.
Grrgums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This past winter I worked for a resort company which I won't name, but I can tell you it was in Vail, CO, and I made the mistake of living in employee housing. I lived in a fairly nice four bedroom, one bathroom apartment with some interesting people. Two were pretty cool, we'll call them Denver and Utah, but one was a complete turd. We'll call him Florida. Florida, from what I remember, had just graduated from Florida St or had been out for a couple of years or some such thing. Regardless, he never seemed to grow out of the whole 'frat boy' personality, he liked to think of himself as an alpha male. One day I came home and found some things out of place in my room, a shirt that was over here was now over there and inside the trunk where I kept most of things was in shambles. I went into the living room and found a notebook that I had had since high school on the counter opened up to a gushy love poem I had written for my lady at the time for everyone to see. "WHO WOULD'VE DONE THAT?" I remember thinking to myself sarcastically, though with no proof I told all of my roommates that I was, needless to say, not impressed that someone felt compelled to enter my room and go through my things. That it was extremely disrespectful and that as a human I deserve a certain amount of respect. Utah and Denver both said that they agreed with that and that they didn't go into my room. Florida merely said 'Why would anyone want to go into your room?' Why indeed? A week or so later I received a good number of dollars in tips from my job. It was a very hard day so I decided to treat myself to a bottle of my favorite whiskey, Bulleit Rye. I took two shots and placed it in the freezer next to Utah's and Denver's bottles of alcohol. Later that night I was woken up by Florida and his friends coming home from a bar or at least so I assumed that's where they were coming from because they sounded a smidge tipsy. I rolled over and went back to sleep. If you don't know this, altitude places a large factor in how much alcohol it takes for you to get drunk, and the hangovers are that much worse. I woke up and was going to take a shot to cure the hangover before work (very responsible, I know) and found the bottle with less than three fingers worth of booze at the bottom. SOMEONE had drank more than half my bottle of whiskey, a forty dollar bottle I might add, and I was upset to say the least. When I got home from work I was able to address all my roommates at once because as luck would have it they were all in the living room watching television and again I had no evidence that any one of my roommates was the culprit . I looked straight at Florida and said "I'm a human-fucking-being and I'm tired of the disrespect I'm being shown." (call me crazy, but I try to give people respect until they show me they don't deserve it rather than making people earn my respect) "I paid money out of my own pocket for this bottle and now I'm only going to be able to enjoy it twice before it's gone." Florida did not appreciate the fact that I stared him down while saying this and made sure I was aware of that by calling me a 'teenage girl throwing a tantrum'. Every night that he came home drunk with his friends he would do nothing but talk shit about my roommates and more specifically myself. The walls were very thin in that apartment, and one night I heard him saying things like I didn't shower or brush my teeth and that I never cleaned up after myself in the apartment, none of which are true. I tried to talk to Florida and have a heart to heart, but he conveniently forgot about the things he did that made me lose respect for him, tried to play innocent and say he didn't know why I didn't like him... I could tell that he wasn't going to stop being the person he was, a frat-boy POS. I couldn't afford to lose my job over socking him in the jaw so I had to find a different way to get back at him for the grey hairs he caused me to grow. I thought to myself 'I don't brush my teeth, huh? Too bad for you I know which toothbrush is yours!' So every day from January fourteenth to April around the same time when he left, I scrubbed my ass crack with his toothbrush, mainly when I would just get home from work while my roommates were still working, after I had snowboarded down the mountain and built up a good layer of sweat. Snow pants really seal in the flavor. Florida left before the season ended without telling anyone and left all of his food and a menagerie of things, like a microwave, his laundry detergent and other random items. Luckily, a friend of his let it slip that he was leaving so I snapped a picture of me in the act of defiling his toothbrush because he was leaving on a day that I was working so I regrettably wouldn't be able to tell him in person that I had been doing so every day for the past four months. I sent him a text saying "Thanks for dipping out without doing anything to clean up after yourself. By the way, I know why you've been talking shit all season..." Then I sent him the picture and said "Because you've been brushing your teeth with mine since January fourteenth! Have a good life dingleberry!" He never got back to me.
TLDR: I had an awful roommate in employee housing for a resort company so to get back at him for his bull shit, I scrubbed my ass crack with his toothbrush every day for four months.
The reason I decided to pick up the bass was because I went to the Hard Rock in Seattle, saw a picture of one and said "I'm gonna learn that" and so I did...
fatlace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a nursing home and Mr. O comes to see his wife, Mrs. O, EVERY SINGLE DAY. She has Alzheimer's and can't remember a lot of things and he has lung cancer and wheels around his oxygen tank and has arthritis in his knees. He is who I want to be when I grow old.
A friend of mine had rented a gold cartridge of Ocarina of Time from Blockbuster, and since I happened to be there the day it was due back, I went along. They were planning on no longer carrying N64 games, so they let him keep it at no extra charge. I was jealous at first, but I've since been happier for his dumb luck... Godammit, it should have been me, I'm the bigger Zelda Deku Nuthead. I had to end up with a grey one, and finally buying a golden one years later for 30 bucks. It's not fair.
Yes. I love this question. Theres so many floating i my head right now but Ill pick this one:
When I was around 12 in the summer after my 6th grade year, my friend entered a soapbox derby contest and built a pretty cool soapbox cart. He ended up losing but thats irrelevant. So fast forward like 2 weeks and he has this soapbox cart just sitting in his garage. We were pretty bored one fay and decided to fi the steepest hill we can and take turns riding it down. We find this extremely steep hill in some back roads in our neighborhood and continue to take turns screwing down it. After a few turns we get bored and decide to make it a bit more interesting. At the bottom of the hill theres this house with, like, 6 plastic trash barrels outside for yard waste.so we stack them all in a pyramid and take turns riding into them and destroying said pyramid. Fast forward again like 20 mins of destroying and rebuilding this trash pyramid, a car comes down the road and puts on its blinkers to turn right. Into the driveway. Of the house we were stealing these trash barrels from. Now let me mention, my buddy had just finished a run down the hill, the barrels were all over the road as we were putting them pack with the cart to the side of the road. The homeowners pull into their driveway as me and my friend give each other worried stares. The husband and wife get out the car. The husband promptly asks "What the fuck are you two doing?", as the wife watches on. Now, Ive always been a good liar. But this is some real bullshit-lie-mastery. I manage to spit out: "Uhh. We were just taking turns riding this cart down this hill when some stupid kids came down this road and started throwin peoples shit around. So, uhh, we told them to fuck off and they ran off. So we were just, like, cleaning up all the shit and were just getting to your yard. And, uhh, here we are now." The husband has a look of pure concentration and processing-this-kids-bullshit-story on his face by the time Im done explaining this to him. Then, after 36000 years of silence, the wife goes "wow, thats SO considerate". Completely serious. The husband shakes off whatever he was thinking like a daydream in the middle of a highschool class and just agrees with her: "Yeah, thats...really nice of you". "Reward these nice young boys", says the wife. Me and my friend finding ourselves a little caught up in our bullshit start the "nonono thats not necessary", "we were just being kind citizens" yatayatayata. To which the husband replies with a hand waving our remarks away as he pulls out his wallet and pulls out two crisp 20$ bills. Hands them to us and tells us how most people wouldntve done that and how nice it was an whatnot. I hesitantly take them and look over at my friend whose face can only be described as someone who just narrowly escaped death. The husband, wife, my friend, and I exchange our thanks and they go inside. We put all the barrels back in their yard, push the cart all the way back to his house, and giddily go buy some snacks and candy. Cuz thats how simple life was back then. And thats that. Twas a good day for 12 year old us. Im pretty drunk so excuse any grammar mistakes. I really have been dyin to tell that lol.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:55:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My first year of college I went to a very small school of about 1200 students. I lived in one of 3 dorms and naturally there was a prank war.
One day we get called into a big dorm meeting. The RA's are super pissed. Apparently the prank war went too far and someone superglued the dorm's janitorial closet keycard slot shut. The powers at be decided that to punish us the janitors would not clean the dorms for a week. It was all shared bathrooms and showers.
It got pretty fucking nasty towards the end of the week but the thing that topped it all was Mount Poosuvious.
In the upstairs bathroom almost all the toilets were clogged. This one in particular had layer upon layer of shit in it. It was literally over the rim of the toilet. I swear the last guy in was squatting on the rim of the toilet to take the shit. To top it all off someone took spoon and stuck it in the top. I still get grossed out thinking about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:11:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Two friends and I were having dinner at a restaurant, and I brought up the ongoing Hobby Lobby Supreme Court case. For some reason, every time I said the phrase "Hobby Lobby versus the United States--" they'd start laughing. It was quite amusing.
It wasn't until one of them said "that's such a weird name," that I realized why it was funny.
"James...Hobby Lobby isn't a person," I said.
"What?"
"Hobby Lobby is an arts and crafts store."
The three of us started laughing so hard that James literally fell out of his chair. I smile every time I think of it.
Excellent! This is my favorite story that I will always remember and I can't wait to tell it to my grandchildren some day. I call this the BullPanther Story.
Every year in my small, rural town of approximately 7000 people, there's a small little carnival that celebrates the day the town charter was written. A bunch of rides are set up, tents, fireworks, the whole nine yards. Its really fun until about age 16 when you realize that everything is overpriced as fuck and it costs $15 to park. Fortunately, my best friend lived right across the street from the park where the fair was held, and it became sort of a tradition that we would all park in his driveway and walk over to the fair.
So freshman year of highschool, our group of approximately 12 friends decides to pitch tents in my buddy's yard (Lets call him Matt) and sleep the night there. We spend the day at the carnival and have a great time and get back to Matt's house around 1am. We're all still wide awake and amped up and ready to have some more fun, thinking of various things to do, when our other friend (lets call him Aiden) tells us that he brought a surprise: rubbing alcohol and chlorine tablets. If you didn't know, when these two things are mixed together it creates a pretty large bang, and as a bunch of punk ass thirteen year olds we were all pretty pumped to blow some shit up. Matt however, being the responsible one of the group, decides that lighting off this mini bomb in his backyard wasn't a good idea, considering that there was a high number of police officers right across the street at the fair and he didn't want to risk waking up his parents/neighbors. Instead, he suggests that we take a small walk through the woods behind his house to a clearing, where we should be fine to light off the chlorine bombs. All pumped and excited, the twelve of us walk through the woods down a winding path, and crawl underneath an approximately 5 foot tall barbed wire fence to reach this wide open clearing. It was a full moon that night, so the visibility was fairly high. I could see the treeline across the clearing where there was a large patch of tall grass. So, Aiden walks out to the middle of the clearing, mixes the alcohol and the chlorine tablets and runs back towards the group. Unfortunately on the first shot, he failed to screw on the top of the bottle tight enough, so we just got a large smoke show (which turns out to be highly toxic, if you plan on trying this trick at home make sure NOT to breath any of this shit in). At this point, we realize that we only brought enough of the chemicals for one bomb, and we didn't want to end on a low note, so we send back approximately 3/4 the group to go back to the tent and bring more of the chemicals. I was in the group that stayed in the clearing. So me and two other friends are standing approximately at the middle of the clearing, just looking at the stars and talking about the day, and the entire time I swear to god I can see something rustling in the tall grass across the clearing. It looks like something massive is skulking around, but I don't want to sound like a pussy in front of my friends, so I keep my mouth shut. A few more minutes pass by, and I see this large shape moving closer and closer. I start to panic, but my foolish teen pride prevents me from saying anything. Another minute or so passes, and now the figure is approximately 50 yards in front of us. At this point, after exchanging a few nervous glances, one of my friends Mike asks us if we see anything in the grass. Just as he says this, the figure charges and starts traveling at high speed in our direction. The three of us drop everything and RUN. I swear to god this is the fastest I have and ever will run in my life. Ironically enough, the rest of the group had just got back and was approximately half way between the barbed wire fence and us when we started screaming like little girls and running toward them at top speed. They had absolutely no clue what was going on, and must have been equally freaked out to see three kids running at them at full speed. I remember passing one friend, who was a bit heavier at the time and thinking to myself "At least I'm faster than him, whatever this is will eat him first". I swear to God I jumped clear over the barbed wire fence and helped a few friends pass underneath it, before continuing down the path at the speed of a Kenyan on cocaine. We all manage to make it back to the tent alive. The group circles around me and my two friends who had stayed in the clearing, bombarding us with questions about what the hell we were running from. My friend Tim claimed that the figure was a bull, due to the massive size of the shadow. I said it was some sort of mountain lion or large cat (Hence the Bull-Panther story) due to the way it seemed to stalk up closer to us before charging. It was only after everyone calmed down a bit that we realized we had dropped all of the flashlights, chemicals, and whatever else we were carrying in the middle of the field when we fled. Still high on adrenaline, we decide that it is now our mission to retrieve these lost items, regardless of the risk. We went into the tool shed and grabbed rakes, shovels, and pitchforks (yes, there actually was a pitchfork) and make a phalanx formation around Matt. Its important to note at this point in the story that Matt had a broken arm at the time, so he held the flashlight in the center of our circle while the rest of us surrounded him, arms at the ready. We crawled at a snail's pace down the path, slowly shuffling, reacting to any sounds, ready to kill whatever BullPanthers attacked from the forest. We carefully passed underneath the barbed wire fence one by one, the others defending the vulnerable ones. We reassumed our formation, and crept toward the middle of the field to retrieve our things. Some of us walked backward to ensure that our rear flank wasn't vulnerable. We grabbed the goods, and crept slowly back toward the fence, our eyes scanning the treelines for threats. Again, we passed slowly one by one under the fence, down the path, and back to the tent. This treck took the better part of an hour, for approximately a ten minute walk and back. We went to bed that night, hearts still racing from being ready to fuck up whatever the hell was in that field. The next morning, we woke up at approximately nine AM. Still discussing the physiological details of the BullPanther, we decide to go back out to the field to investigate, and at least light off one of our chlorine bombs. We walk out to the field, and nothing is in sight. We can clearly see the waist high grass across the way where the BullPanther had been. After scanning the immediate area and finding no mythical creatures, we decide to make our bombs and celebrate our triumph. Aiden mixed the chemicals and BANG! The bomb went off and we all cheered in celebration at our triumph. However, clearly startled by the loud explosion, none other than a large horse comes slowly trotting through the long grass to see what the noise was. All along we had been in a horse paddock. My friends laughed it off and we all walked back to Matt's house to enjoy the fair. The hilarious plot twist?: I'm absolutely terrified of horses.
So this past year, I got roped into a road trip/vacation with my parents and my 95-year old grandma. Grandma is a tough old bat (i.e. lives alone, still drives herself, even drove herself to the hospital on two separate occasions when she was having a heart attack, etc.) She's also to the point where she's too old to care and will just say whatever. So there was loads of grandma saying hilarious stuff whilst on the road.
However, my grandma is a very religious and insisted we go to church Sunday morning when we were in Taos, New Mexico. Taos is an incredibly small town, and we could not locate a Methodist church (as per my grandma's wishes) but she reluctantly accepted a Baptist church as a substitute.
We go into the church and it's tiny. Like 15 people total in the service. The entire service, grandma is making catty remarks about the "tambourine shaking baptists" and their backwards theology. After the service, I need to use the bathroom, and not being framiliar with the building, I asked where the restroom was located. I was pointed towards the back of the sanctuary, where I see a door, open it, and walk in.
I find myself in a surprisingly homey room, with couches and other art not normally expected in a church. However, I see an open door with a toilet in it, so I chalk the homeiness of the room to some sort of strange New Mexico church decorating scheme. In addition, to the toilet, I can also see a bathtub in the bathroom, with a half open shower curtain. Still finding it odd, I go in and start my urination.
I'm about midstream when the shower curtain opens fully and I hear a voice ask "Matt, is that you?" I look up and there's a naked woman in the shower. I scream. She screams. I say "Sorry! The door was open, I had no idea!" She replies "it's okay. My fault for leaving the door open." And then, we both wait in awkward silence for 30 seconds as I finish peeing, and then wipe up the spilled urine on the seat from my shock.
Apparently, I took the wrong door and ended up in the attached parsonage, where I got an eyeful of the pastor's wife. As I enter back into the sanctuary to meet up with my family, I see the pastor talking to my grandma. I pull the pastor aside, quickly inform him of what happened, in hopes of him not getting the wrong idea when his wife inevitably tells him later. He takes it in stride, laughs when I tell him of seeing his wife in the shower, and invites me to lunch, where his wife will be preparing tacos. Needless to say, I didn't accept.
My grandma's response to my plight? "It sounds like you got to see more of Taos than we did."
TL;DR: Accidentally see naked woman. Get offered Tacos when her husband finds out
060789 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me, in 2008. I dropped out of college to sell weed full time. Making good money, until word got around that cops were asking questions. Got rid of the weed, and money got tight. Heard through a friend of a friend that some GDs from Chicago were coming down south to buy some weight. Saw an opportunity. Got the word to them that I could get it for about a quarter of what they were paying.
It was a totally bullshit deal. We meet them at wal mart, ask them to come see the product inside the van. As soon as one of them came inside, we pull out guns, and start driving. We get 5k, let him out, he supermans into the back seat of his people's car. We drive off, they chase us, each hanging out the window of our cars with guns drawn ready to shoot. I guess we all (us four and their three) decided a wal mart shootout was terrible idea, and went our separate ways.
The next day, I get arrested for commercial burglary, at the scene. Did a year and been on probation ever since 2009. Worked at McDonald's for the past four years.
My catholic all-boys elementary school has a VERY strict code regarding talking on the school bus: It is not allowed.
All students are to remain absolute silence during the 1 hour bus ride until we get off the bus at our respective destinations.As you know, small children around the age of six and seven still face occasional difficulties when it comes to containing their load, and on a day just like any other someone near the back let out a silent killer.
The smell is so intense the bus lady and everyone believed somebody must have sharted.At this point, half of the bus has reached their destination and gotten off, the bus lady ordered the rest of us to move to the front as she began sniffing SEAT BY SEAT looking for ground zero.When she h
it the spot, she let out this intense loud cry, not just any ordinary cry, but the supervillain "death cry" you hear when they get defeated.Apparently the guy who sharted himself got off a few stops earlier, if the silent code wasn't in effect, we would have made fun of him the rest of his school bus days.
This will probably get buried, and it's not the best story in this thread, but I love telling it because most people think I'm lying/exaggerating.
Anyway, I go to a local bar to meet up with this girl I had only hung out with twice before. When I get there, she's with another guy she just met. He's kinda weird, like he just wants to be noticed. I introduce myself and he says his name is Dan, but everybody calls him "Danimal" (as in Dan+Animal) and proceeds to lift his shirt to show me his tattoo across his entire stomach that says "Danimal" in Old English.
Meanwhile, the cops are outside because, apparently a girl bit one of the bouncers for not returning her purse and shoes to her, which he didn't have (but that's another story)
So we go out front of the bar where there's a cop (or 2, can't remember), and a bunch of people just kinda hanging out. Danimal says "I'll bet you I'll piss on that cops leg..." The girl I was there to meet says "hell yeah, do it!" And I'm thinking, are you fucking serious?! So I tell Danimal, dude, if you do this, you are guaranteed to go to jail, don't be an idiot.
While the cop is writing something, using the hood of his car as a table, Danimal walks up, pulls out his dick and starts pissing (not literally on the cop, but at the cops feet. The cop got piss on him). At this point, everyone is watching and pointing. The cop turns around and does a double take. I might add, this cop was very physically fit. The cop looks Danimal in the face, looks down, and grabs Danimal by his neck and belt, picks him up and slams him on the sidewalk. I seriously felt him hit the ground. He picked him up so fast, his shoes literally came off, and arrested him. Cop asks for witness statements and I happily offer.
I never talked to that girl again because, while I have fairly low standards, I'll never date a bitch that likes guys like Danimal.
TL;DR Guys pisses on cops leg, gets yolked up outta his shoes, I sign a witness statement...Fuckin Danimal...
I was at Disneyland with my high school boyfriend at the very back of a big roller coaster. A guy in the front's hat flew off while we were going through a loop. Somehow, I ended up getting my arm high enough up to catch it. I barely registered seeing it and I, on an almost daily basis, have a laughable lack of coordination. Coolest reflex I've ever had.
Oh, that and one time I sneezed while eating a salad. Cucumber got stuck in my nose. It burned.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently this happened to my mom when she took me there when I was little. Except she was the one who lost the hat.
RugerHD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to share my story of Waldo. There is an ignorant accusation that he is still missing to this day. I can only wonder where this false and ridiculously stupid accusation originated from.
It was a bright, sunny evening in the heart of Manhattan. So bright, not a single person was missing their shades. It was bright enough that our existance on that very moment could easily have been mistaken as a mound of dirt that we were really walking on, and some alien footwalking giant chose to examine the dirt mound with a magnifying glass (i.e. ant cooking).
Well, I was walking down West Park Ave. going due east. When suddenly, it hit me. No, not a giant dick that fell from the sky, but an abnormally large bird that flew his beak right into my left ear hole. I stumbled a bit, regained my balance, and looked at the suicidial kamikaze bird that lay on the ground. I closely examined his foot, which contained a metal corset around his ankle. It contained not a serial number, but what looked like a set of GPS coordinates. I quickly wrote these coordinates down and sprinted to the nearest library. I walked in and demanded computer access. The library contained only one, and was in use by the librarian at the reception desk. I weighed my risk/reward and decided this situation was an emergency, so I falco punched the librarian right in her 4 eyed face, knocking her unconciouss. No screaming occurred, which allowed me to remain incognito.
I looked up the GPS coordinates and found they were the coordinates of a remote location in the Siberian tundra. I decided this was my forte... I needed to accomplish this mission and figure out how this bird was able to migrate across the Atlantic ocean.
I ran to the nearest hardware store and got all the supplies I needed. I took them to a port out of Rhode Island. I crafted what would be my home for the next 4 months of my life. I built a masterpiece of a boat, but this was no time to feel glorified by what I have done, I needed to reach Siberia.
What occured the next 4 months was a long and lonely ride, which accompanied many failed suicide attempts, and even more time spent masturbating. I would masturbate, then release my DNA into the ocean to attract fish so i could eat. The fish would come to explore the new substance, then try a bite, and BAM, that's when I would secure my dinner for the night.
When I finally reached Siberia, I hiked for many miles, almost dying more times than I can remember. I eventually reached a security laden base. It was a small gazebo shaped hut, made out of titanium, and surrounded by "Do Not Enter" signs. Well, I did not come all this way for nothing. So I marched my way straight through this yard, to find a reverse peephole on the door of this titanium-enclosed-gazebo. I stepped up the courage to look through this peephole, afraid of finding someone looking straight back at me, or a dead person hanging from the ceiling by a noose, or even worse a giant orgy by Russian soilders, all of which are men, and finger banging each others orifices to relenquish the lonely sexual desires that accompany these men for years as they serve to their leaders in a below freezing tundra.
Turns to find out, it was not an orgy by Russian soilders, but indeed Waldo. Fucking Waldo, sitting in this hut, an 18 inch figure wearing red and white stripped pajamas, reading his own Where's Waldo Magazine v.04. I kicked the door in and demanded a confirmation of identity. He said that finally, he was released. He broke down in tears. He came and hugged my human vehicular body. I pushed him off and asked him what the fuck is up. He proceeded to explain how was captured by the Soviet army, and left to die In this metal hut. How his family had started the "Where's Waldo" campaign to find him, but the "dumbass fucking humans decided to make a fucking magazine and place me in a crowd so that parents could entertain there disobedient kids and get them to circle me." He exclaimed that humans turned it into a giant fucking joke. It was a joke between people to ask "Where's Waldo?", while this poor entity spent his existance in a Soviet built titanium hut.
We talked for some time and I released him into the wild, and set him free. He chose to live off the land and not associate himself with the "self-centered, greedy, and egotistical human race." When I made my way back home to Manhattan I tried to spread his word. I tried to tell everyone I knew that waldo isn't a fictional character and was living in Siberia. No one believed me, so I stopped trying to change these conditioned people's minds. So after 6 years, I now want to tell reddit. It was painful writing this, but reddit, you must spread the awareness. I ask you, reddit, to please allow this man some dignity and lets bring his soul and spirit back to life. Instead of in a fictional manner, let's bring his soul back in a manner of honoring and to give him his dignity.
Please, this is the least we can do for him. Thank you, reddit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I lost my virginity on the top of a mountain in Spain with an Italian surfer. Based on movies, I thought it was a common question people asked (how you lost your virginity), so I wanted to make sure it was great story. Maybe 3 people ever have asked me that and I'm a little miffed.
My best friend in high school was named Ashley. She was convinced everyone in the school was talking about her behind her back and especially paranoid about it. Bear in mind she is a VERY loud talker, and that escalates with excitement. One day, we were in the cafeteria and the nice little old lady at the register was making conversation and at one point said, "Actually..." and my friend said "HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?!?!"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once had a friend run from the police, lay on the ground, and when they approached him he pretended to be asleep.
Friend: "...yawn"
Police: "Sir what are you doing?"
Friend: "Oh...i just woke up"
Clop88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I spat on the floor in front of everyone in church.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About 4 years ago I was in 8th grade and my friends and I had a game in which we would slap the back of each others neck if another friend did something 'gay'. They could avoid the slap if they said 'no homo' prior to our game, the game was devised by my friend and I as support for a recently out of the closet friend of ours and a bit of fun. So fast forward we are playing this game for a couple of weeks now and we go out for recess. I see someone in a grey jacket that one of my friend wears - completely zipped up(Canada Winter), so I decide to go up to him and slowly massage his shoulders while saying "yeeeyoulikethat" and then letting out a long whisper of nooooohooooommmooooooo. To my surprise, someone who I believed to be my friend in his grey jacket and all turns out to be a short supply teacher who had the same jacket. Poor guy looks at me absolutely dumfounded about what had just happened, points his finger at me and says "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!". I didn't know what to say so I just mumbled something - meanwhile my friend who had witnessed everyone starts shitting his pants.
When I was around 13 years of age, my father got married. It was a beautiful day that I'll never forget (probably for the wrong reasons.)
The woman my father got married to had a very.... aggressive family. This family consisted of bikers, drug addicts, ex-criminals etc. Both my father and I were oblivious to this, since she hadn't spoken about any of her family. Ever.
Anyways, when the big wedding ceremony had finished, we decided to have a party at our home with most of our family members (including hers.) I was thoroughly enjoying the party, until this happened.
A man walked into the house (let's call him John.) John was a cousin of the wife, who had arrived late to the party. He was obviously drunk when he arrived though, since you could smell the alcohol from a mile away. He wasn't too much of a hassle at first; mingling with guests and congratulating my father and his wife on their milestone. Then, he saw a 3L glass bottle of Jim Beam.
John grabbed the bottle, ran into my bathroom and chugged the ENTIRE thing. After this he went back into where everyone was, put the bottle back and started flirting with all the women he could see. One of the women was right next to her biker boyfriend and the boyfriend was NOT happy about it. After around 15 minutes of bickering, he grabbed John and threw him out the door. John walked away, shouting the words "You're going to get fucked up." The biker thought this was just drunk talk... until he saw John, running to the house with an axe in his hand (yes, this is why he's called John.)
John got in the house and tried swinging his axe around the room, but everyone had already ran out of the house. The biker, threw John onto the ground, grabbed the axe and threw it outside. Now, I was watching this whole thing, and in the corner of my eye I could see Johns father. He was suffering from extreme depression at the time, so he decided it would be best if he smashed a bottle, grabbed the shards of glass and put them on a piece of pizza to eat. I shit you not.
After seeing that, I decided to run into my parents bedroom and hide under the bed. Now, this wasn't a good idea, since John came running into the room with a knife, trying to find my father and his wife. After searching the room for a bit, he decided to walk away, but before he left he decided to check under the bed. Obviously, he saw me, so I did the only thing I could do in that situation and screamed for help. My father came into the room and decided to distract John while I retreated to my room and locked the door (my brothers and sisters were in the room as well, my father wanted me to keep them safe.)
After what seemed like hours and hours, the police arrived and took John into custody. About 2 years after that incident, my father got divorced and we are now living in a quiet country area.
TL;DR: A drunk man wielding an axe decided to ruin my fathers marriage celebration party.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the time my friend Jeremy was a super hero.
I was six months pregnant and my bf and I had just moved into our apartment that day. We were running errands to get essentials. While driving, the small red sedan in front of us chucked a soda can out of their window and it hit my boyfriends car and splattered orange Crush all over the windshield and front of his car. My boyfriend waited until the road turned into a four lane, then pulled even with the car. He started yelling, the four bros in the car started yelling, and I chucked my giant Panera Bread sweet tea in the most perfect spiral out of the window, directly into their car. The cheap Panera Styrofoam cup exploded everywhere. My boyfriend sped up and we went to the grocery store, not really thinking anything of it.
We were in the store for an hour getting everything, from mustard to a paper towel holder because the apartment didn't have anything. So when we came out, we were really fucking surprised to hear "there they are!" And see the four bros had followed us. And they had switched out their little sedan for a giant lifted redneck truck. They started revving their truck and yelling. My boyfriend, who was fresh out of the military and rather aggro, went over and was telling back at them as I put the groceries in the car as fast as I could. The guys wouldn't get out of the truck, and once the groceries were away I told my boyfriend we should just leave.
So we left. And the giant truck with the four frat boys followed us, honking, acting like it was going to hit us, and at one point trying to run us off the road. My boyfriend didn't want to involve cops since I had obviously done something wrong. But we couldn't let them follow us to our apartment either. So I started calling my friends.
Jeremy was the old school crust punk with a giant mowhawk, tattoos everywhere and he was intimidating as fuck if you didn't know him. He was also my best friend and surrogate brother. So when I called and explained everything to him, he told me to have my boyfriend drive in circles through this one neighborhood until he could get there. So we did.
About five minutes later, Jeremy calls my phone and tells me to have my boyfriend stop the car at the stop sign and just wait. We stop and park. The truck stops behind us and the guys are laying on the horn and screaming insults. And then a big white construction work truck stops behind them. The bros immediately stop yelling and I hear this giant CLANG as pieces of rebar hit the road and six big old construction workers get out, along with Jeremy and a giant rottweiler. The construction workers (who I had never seen before or since) all have chain or rebar or crowbars in their hands. Jeremy walks up to the bro's truck, reaches in, and pulls the keys of the ignition. He tells them to get out. The bros start yelling about how that whore (me) had thrown a drink in their car and they were just trying to scare us.
Jeremy turns and chucks their keys into the ditch beside the road and screams at them to get the fuck out of the car. The bros all start backtracking, saying they were never gonna hurt us and they didn't want any problems. One of the construction workers leans in the passenger window and tells them to get the fuck out before he starts pulling them out. The kid behind the wheel literally starts hyperventilating and crying. The bros are all scared as fuck, the constriction workers are having way too much fun and the dog is just barking like he's been possessed by Cujo. Jeremy tells them they all need to apologize. The bros all start yelling they're sorry over and over. Jeremy comes up to the car and tells me to go home. I told him I'd text him the address and he should stop by soon cos I'd have a case of beer there for him.
Jeremy and his friends followed out out of the street and made sure we got home okay. It was one of the most cinematic and crazy experiences I've every had. He passed away last January and I still miss that fucker every day.
Tl;dr Punk rock super hero rallied the troops and scared the shit out of some frat boys.
I was waiting outside a bookstore for my parents to pick me up. This car comes tearing into the parking lot, screeches to a halt, and throws a duffle bag in front of the store before zooming off.
My 13 year old mind is planning my final moments as I have decided the duffle bag is clearly some sort of bomb. Then the bag starts moving. I am completely immobilized by terror but there's another guy outside who goes and unzips the bag.
A kid about the same age as me comes out of the bag with duct tape over his mouth and wearing nothing but underwear. He pulls off the tape, grabs the bag, and wraps it around his torso. The guy who unzips him is like "are you ok? Do you need to call someone?" And the kid is like "no, it's ok." And just takes off running into the parking lot.
Amost immediately after I lost sight of him, my best friend came outside after buying a book. To this day she doesn't believe the duffle bag boy incident happened.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know, no one did. My guess is it was a prank, the kids who dropped off the bag were laughing and probably 17ish. I was so stunned by the whole thing I didn't have time to be logical.
A few years ago my old band decided to put together a show at a club. 2 stages, 8 bands including mine, one from out of town, all playing their sets in a time frame of like a 5 to 6 hour night.
I'd say it was a pretty well organized show (flyers/write-up in paper/etc). Timeslot were sent out to the bands about a week before the show. One of the guys that helped throw the show went ahead and let a later band go early, causing a domino effect where everyone played later; disorganization. Delays occurred, and one band who was pushed later in the night was understandably upset. Not as upset, however, as that band's very drunk friend who came to see them play that night.
So during my band's set the dude jumps on stage in-between songs and screams in my ear and runs off. I think nothing of it and shrug it off.
This is getting long but we're almost there.
I find all this out from a friend along with the funfact that drunk guy's girlfriend was dancing along to our music. We played reggae/rock music so that's understandable :)
Fast forward-The end of the night comes, bands and soundman are paid, and everyone congregates outside. I catch a glimpse of that drunk dude who's now eyeing me, laughing and getting loud with his friends. Weird. Him and his girl walk away from their friends and start to cross the street to their car. The guy's drunken behavior intensifies and he starts calling me a pussy or something stupid, with his arms extended, at about 20 ft away. I yell out "at least your girl was happy I heard she was dancing to our set".
This sets the guy off, he flips out and he decides to charge at me. Now I'm not really a fighter, but decide to brace myself for this incoming idiot. I'm on the sidewalk with a bunch of the band members and he is running straight at me from the middle of the street.
Closer and closer he gets, and about 2 seconds before we make contact, my bass player jumps out from behind me and just straight-up "Liu Kangs" this guy in the face! In other words he jumped straight towards the guy and kicks him in the face. Since my bass player friend was not actively into martial arts or anything, I guess standing on the sidewalk helped him to be able to reach the guy's head. Needless to say, the guy is down instantly. His girlfriend comes up to us and apologizes for his behavior, helps him up and to their car. My bass player became a legend that day.
TL; DR: Drunk guy charges at me to fight, my friend jump-kicks him in the face, saving my ass.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And thatโs when you met me.
โWhatโฆ what happened?โ You asked โWhere am I?โ
โYou died,โ I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
โThere was aโฆ a truck and it was skiddingโฆโ
โYup,โ I said.
โIโฆ I died?โ
โYup. But donโt feel bad about it. Everyone dies,โ I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. โWhat is this place?โ You asked. โIs this the afterlife?โ
โMore or less,โ I said.
โAre you god?โ You asked.
โYup,โ I replied. โIโm God.โ
โMy kidsโฆ my wife,โ you said.
โWhat about them?โ
โWill they be all right?โ
โThatโs what I like to see,โ I said. โYou just died and your main concern is for your family. Thatโs good stuff right there.โ
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didnโt look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
โDonโt worry,โ I said. โTheyโll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didnโt have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If itโs any consolation, sheโll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.โ
โOh,โ you said. โSo what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?โ
โNeither,โ I said. โYouโll be reincarnated.โ
โAh,โ you said. โSo the Hindus were right,โ
โAll religions are right in their own way,โ I said. โWalk with me.โ
You followed along as we strode through the void. โWhere are we going?โ
โNowhere in particular,โ I said. โItโs just nice to walk while we talk.โ
โSo whatโs the point, then?โ You asked. โWhen I get reborn, Iโll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life wonโt matter.โ
โNot so!โ I said. โYou have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just donโt remember them right now.โ
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. โYour soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. Itโs like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if itโs hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, youโve gained all the experiences it had.
โYouโve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you havenโt stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, youโd start remembering everything. But thereโs no point to doing that between each life.โ
โHow many times have I been reincarnated, then?โ
โOh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.โ I said. โThis time around, youโll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.โ
โWait, what?โ You stammered. โYouโre sending me back in time?โ
โWell, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.โ
โWhere you come from?โ You said.
โOh sure,โ I explained โI come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know youโll want to know what itโs like there, but honestly you wouldnโt understand.โ
โOh,โ you said, a little let down. โBut wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.โ
โSure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you donโt even know itโs happening.โ
โSo whatโs the point of it all?โ
โSeriously?โ I asked. โSeriously? Youโre asking me for the meaning of life? Isnโt that a little stereotypical?โ
โWell itโs a reasonable question,โ you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. โThe meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.โ
โYou mean mankind? You want us to mature?โ
โNo, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.โ
โJust me? What about everyone else?โ
โThere is no one else,โ I said. โIn this universe, thereโs just you and me.โ
You stared blankly at me. โBut all the people on earthโฆโ
โAll you. Different incarnations of you.โ
โWait. Iโm everyone!?โ
โNow youโre getting it,โ I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
โIโm every human being who ever lived?โ
โOr who will ever live, yes.โ
โIโm Abraham Lincoln?โ
โAnd youโre John Wilkes Booth, too,โ I added.
โIโm Hitler?โ You said, appalled.
โAnd youโre the millions he killed.โ
โIโm Jesus?โ
โAnd youโre everyone who followed him.โ
You fell silent.
โEvery time you victimized someone,โ I said, โyou were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness youโve done, youโve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.โ
You thought for a long time.
โWhy?โ You asked me. โWhy do all this?โ
โBecause someday, you will become like me. Because thatโs what you are. Youโre one of my kind. Youโre my child.โ
โWhoa,โ you said, incredulous. โYou mean Iโm a god?โ
โNo. Not yet. Youโre a fetus. Youโre still growing. Once youโve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.โ
โSo the whole universe,โ you said, โitโs justโฆโ
โAn egg.โ I answered. โNow itโs time for you to move on to your next life.โ
And I sent you on your way.
Was walking with a friend one night and came across a street light at the end of a road with a single car under it. As we were walking past it I swear we heard thumps from the trunk. We never did anything about that..
That little 'ol me, as unattractive as I feel I look, got to fuck a Jamie Bamber look alike. And that he had whiskey dick. And reeked of fried foods. So not what I wanted for that sexual encounter.
Not mine, my dad's story, but I'll tell from his perspective.
In the army we have these devices that create craters in the road by firing an explosive into the road that is mounted on a tripod. I was instructing about 100 men how to use it. The detonator device looks like a C4 charge detonator. I had the safety on and I told everyone that despite the safety being on, the detonator was still completely functional and the safety didn't always work, so don't try to pull it. A few hours later, with one of the devices set up, I handed the detonator, safety on, to a private because I had to go check something back at the truck. When I got there, I heard a huge explosion. I ran over to see a massive hole in the ground, and everyone laying next to it. I knelt down next to one man, the man closest to the missile, and could see he was still barely alive. It was the guy I'd handed the detonator to. I held him and I said things like "Stay with me!" "You're gonna be alright!" and things like that, to keep him awake. When you die like that, it feels like drifting off into a pleasant slumber, and we try to keep men alive by talking to them and making them want to be alive. Anyway, the guy lifted his head up, and looked around. To him, it looked like everyone was dead. Thankfully, no one died, but to him, it looked like he'd just killed a hundred men. After taking in his surroundings, he looked me directly in the eyes and whispered "I don't deserve to live", and let himself die right there in my arms.
I may have messed up some details, and I forget the name of that crater device, but I did my best to tell it the way he did.
Me and my brother are very close, we tell each other everything. He's almost like a magnified version of me; smarter, cleverer, nicer, sadder... And more depressed. He called me yesterday, told me he had overdosed on ambulax and that he was dying. I don't know whether it was me crying, or me pleading between my crying that finally lead to him puking. He wouldn't tell me where he was, I was in touch with his roommate who was trying to look for him. He'd hang up intermittently. He was barely in his senses. Meanwhile, my parents, who regard him so highly, are waiting for me downstairs. They have no clue. Physically, he's okay now, mentally... I don't know. He refuses to get help, he thinks he can handle this on his own.
The reason why I wanted to tell this story is because I have no fucking clue how to handle this. My parents can't be told, it'll only make him feel worse. Nothing I say is getting through to him. I just keep fearing that some day I'll just get a call telling me it's over. I don't know what I can do. I really wish it had never happened. I wish someone could just take my place.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's too much pressure for one person (you) to deal with. He's got to get some help or be honest with your parents.
mbacpa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
College. Christmas break. Heading home from California to Washington, D.C. My friend convinces me to fly out from Vegas, since he's driving there to spend Christmas with his family. I decided to fly out on Christmas day to avoid the busy travel days, and to save a little money, which gave me some gambling money, too!
Drive to Vegas the morning of Christmas Eve. Start drinking and gambling around noon. We were winning at cards, so we were both up about $300 by dinner. After grabbing a bite, we hit the tables again. I lose it all by about 11 p.m., and I'm pretty hammered by that point. My buddy was still winning, so he kept getting drinks for me with the thought that I would be having a good time getting drunk, which would take my mind off my losses, so he could keep playing. Well, I get so drunk that I end up stumbling to the bathroom to puke my guts out. This is probably around 1 a.m. I get back to the table, and I keep falling asleep. The pit boss wouldn't kick us out, since it was empty, but he would wake me up if I laid my head on the table. I spent the next 2 hours making a couple more trips to puke, sleeping propped up at the table, and trying to mumble "let's go" to my buddy. We finally catch a cab home around 5 a.m., and I get about 3 hours sleep before leaving for the airport.
TL;DR - Spent Christmas Eve/Christmas Day puking in the bathroom at Mirage in Vegas before flying home for break from college.
This is some good shit, I hope it doesn't get buried.
On a field trip to NYC with my high school class, we decided on the way back of the trip (it was about a 3 hour long drive) that we would trap people in the emergency bathroom on the coach bus. After trapping around 5 people in there (individually), and making it humid and hot in there, we decided we were going to start shoving several people in. A kid got up on top of the toilet with another, and soon we were willingly going in to see how many kids we could fit in there. It was hot, cramped, wet, and there was blood on the ground from a kid who scraped his knuckles trying to escape from the stinky prison he was in. There was an automatic hand sanitizer dispenser in the bathroom too, so when all 7 of us (that's how many we managed to fit into the bathroom) spilled out, one kid had hand sanitizer all over the side of him. We did this several times, eventually turning it into a game. We played rock paper scissors about who had to get into the bathroom first, and then wait for the rest of us to pile in so that we could all come flying out like some sort of ridiculous cartoon. On our last venture out, one of the kids actually hit the emergency button in the bathroom signalling the bus driver that someone inside was having trouble. Luckily, we were all done with our shenanigans and were sitting around when we heard that message. One of the kids sitting next to the bathroom played it really cool, opening the door and asking "hello? is anybody in here? Huh! there's nobody in here, that's really really weird!" so the two adults sent to check on the phantom pooper just walked back to the front of the bus wondering god knows what.
We never even got caught.
TL;DR : We fit 7 people into a hot, humid, and unsanitary coach bus emergency bathroom and signaled the bus driver that we needed help pooping in doing so.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's a girl at my college who just went through a bunch of traumatic experiences. Her name is X. First, X's mother dies of cancer. Only a few months later X's father doesn't come back from AA. X drives around without a license looking for him for a few days but can't find him. The police eventually find his car in a ditch about a week later. X has no family where she lives, which is small and rural, so she moves across the country to live with her aunt and uncle.
X starts college in a pretty big city, and she gets attached to any man who reminds her of her father. She goes through a few before one adopts her for the foreseeable future. He is a total scumbag. His name is Pig.
Pig constantly uses her as a sexual object for himself and others. Pig sets his friends up with X knowing that she wants attention and she will fuck them if she gets enough. Pig knows that X loves him, so he fucks her whenever it is convenient.
X thinks I'm a good guy. She tells me I remind her of her father. She asks me on a date. I say I'll go on one. Pig sets X up with another one of his friends, and she revokes the date. A few days later she comes back to me regretting it immensely. Lots of crying, plan b, etc. X still wants to go on a date with me.
I'm not sure any relationship would be healthy for her, and I just got through a rough breakup. I care about her, so I try to treat her like a human being. She has had a lot of people using her and pitying her, so I focus on being a good person and treating her decently.
I talk to Pig and he promises me not to continue with her sexually. I trust him.
I'm in X's room with her and Pig. I'm getting annoyed with him, so I decide to leave. She grabs me and kisses me. I'm flattered but a bit confused, so I still leave.
Later that night, I'm sitting outside and they both come out. I can see the afterglow. I tell Pig that I know, but he denies it. For the next week, X and Pig are hanging out and avoiding me.
X starts hanging out with me behind his back and telling me that he isn't a real friend and that I am. She tells me to just wait and things will get better. I find out that Pig has been sleeping in her bed.
Pigs girlfriend finds out, and he leaves X again. X tells me I was right about seeing their afterglow, and that she's interested in me. She wants to go on a date to the city when the semester ends. I say yes.
At this point, it's all too much for me. I revoke my decision to go on a date and suggest that we not speak anymore. She begs to continue talking and go on a date. I relent, and then take it back again. She begs while her uncle is present. I relent one last time and we make plans to go.
The night before, X cancels and says she doesn't think I should talk to her.
tl;dr Attention seeking individual with horrible life tries to keep me on ice while fucking and being used by a bunch of primates masquerading in human skin. She tries her hardest to keep me around, and every time I let my guard down she stabs me in the back and makes her own unfortunate life a little bit shittier.
Recently, I went to a pair of vending machine to buy a snack and a drink. On the snack vending machine I decided to get a Twix. When I reached in to receive my delicious treat, I had the good fortune of finding an unopened bag of Skittles carelessly forgotten. Then when I went to buy my drink I opted for a Sprite. When I retrieved the Sprite, I found that it was unopened and almost half-empty. The vending machine giveth and the vending machine taketh away.
zxrax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to tell the story of my acid trip but holy shit it's just such a long story, I need a few more hours to actually write out the story.
It'd probably be so long that people would skip to the end and check to ensure it didn't end with everybody walking the dinosaur.
When I was in middle school I had a dream I walked into a strip club, pushed a stripper off the pole and yelled "Make way for the real heroes!" and then firemen started sliding down the pole and running out the door. I will never forget that dream.
My father in law collects glass bottles, I know that sounds strange to most of you it did to me too when I first found out but it's actually a pretty common thing and some people will pay a shit ton of money for certain bottles. He scouts out yard sales and auctions looking for these artifacts.
One day my wife and I are walking in the door and he says look at this bottle, he shows us a glass bottle with alot of etchings in it including the words HIGH and TIMES some of you will already know where I'm going with this, he says "I bought this at an auction last night, someone drilled a hole in this bottle" I looked at it for about 2 seconds and said "You know that's somebody's bong right?" he says "what? no that's not a bong" I say "Yeah it really is a bong see this hole here was to put a piece of pipe in". I had to show him a video on youtube of how to make a water bong out of a glass bottle before he would believe me.
an old colleague of mine was flying a helicopter through the Whitsundays Islands in Australia. he was trying to take a picture with his iphone 4 out the little window gap but it got sucked out. He wasnt sure if it was over land or water but he was up 500ft and going about 120kts.
when he got back to base i gave him my phone and he used the find my iphone app to track it. it showed up on an island just off from the main island we were showing it in the middle of dense tropical forrest a few hundred meters up from a little bay.
2 days later he sourced a boat and set off searching for it. they rang it when they thought they were close and managed to find it! just sitting in the dirt and leaves still alive and screen not broken at all. it did have a lifeproof case on it though and a few bite marks from an animal but 3 days sitting in the bush and still works fine. thats an awesome testament of the iphone app and lifeproof cases to survive that, plus iphone to last 3 days is beyond me
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 16 I got a new drumset (I got my first one when I was around 7ish from my Uncle for Christmas..). I was planning on selling my old one, it was a decent set.. Instead I gave it to my mom's friend's son who was autistic, but LOVED me because I was a drummer and he wanted to be one too.. So as a thank you, he gave me this little red snare drum that he had.. I felt so damn awesome and planned on keeping that thing forever. I had been driving my parent's car at that time while mine was in the shop, so I put it in the trunk for the time being.
Well a few days later my dad got pissed at me for some stupid reason or another, and ended up smashing it on the concrete. So.. yeeha.
YES!! My dad was at a mets game in the mid 80's. Its the third inning and who else comes BILL MOTHERFUCKING MURRAY! He sat down next to my dad. My dad said it was the only time he was star struck. Bill came late to a mets cubs game where the cubs were losing and he was trying to rally them. My dad sadly can't really remember to much of it but he told me that him and Bill shmoozed a little and talked about the Mets and New York and such. My dad told me that that Bill was with his family so he didn't really bug him, which brings on the best ending. At the end of the game, Bill said to my dad something along the lines of "Thanks for be the coolest fan of mine." My dad was so fucking lucky.
When I was a teenager (mid 1980's), I worked at a music store. We sold and rented musical instruments and equipment. I got a phone call from a man who found one of our rental clarinets in its case at a bus stop. He told me the name of the person who lost it - there was a name on a sticker inside the case. He asked me for an address so that he could return it. There was no way in hell I was going to give a stranger the address of a pre-teen customer and her family. That would be a violation of privacy and a potentially dangerous situation. I asked him to bring it to our store and let us get it back to the student. He did. So I called the house of the young lady (probably 11-12 years old) who lost the clarinet and spoke with her mother. I explained the situation and gave her our store hours so she could pick up the clarinet. She yelled at me. Said I was wasting her time and that I was a moron for not saving her from the trouble of having to drive to our store. She said I should have given her address to the man who found her daughter's clarinet. Absolutely rude and completely angry. It never occurred to her that giving her address to a stranger who might show up when her child was alone might be a bad idea. I was trying to be smart about it. I was only 17. She made me feel like a horrible person and I never got to explain my reasoning to her. Her child's safety and her family's privacy mattered to me but she just thought I was stupidly inconveniencing her.
Can't possibly top the inspirational ones in this thread, so here is a bit of silly fun. The tl;dr is: Technically, I am stuck on the Game Grid from TRON.
The story requires a bit of set up, and frankly might not be very interesting to anyone who a) has never been to Disneyland and b) isn't old enough to remember the People Mover ride, but here we go.
The People Mover ride was an attraction of connected "cars" that ferried Disneyland guests above and around Tomorrowland. When it was built in the 60's, it was designed to be an example of a futuristic mode of automated travel that we might see someday. It was fun, relaxing and frankly, a great way to get off your feet and into a bit of shade while still enjoying the park. Often times during the 80's, it didn't have a line, and cooler ride operators would let you stay on when you got to the end of the ride.
It never stopped for loading, which was the point. It entered the loading station and continued slower with a moving walkway to allow passengers on. It paralleled the Monorail tracks for a portion, would go through the 360 Circle Vision Theater and, the Adventures Through Innerspace Ride (which was later turned into Star Tours, which it still went through) as well as Space Mountain. It also went through a cool "movie" tunnel.
In the 70's it was called "The Super Speed Tunnel" and featured projected images of Formula 1 cars driving by you on the walls and up to the ceiling, with powerful fans hidden below the track, which combined gave the illusion of going at "super speed".
When the original TRON film released, the ride was rebranded as including a trip to "the Game Grid of TRON", which for those of us who loved the movie when it came out was frankly awesome.
As you approached the tunnel, The Master Control Program came over the rides speakers, ordering you to turn back or to be pulled onto the Game Grid. Otherwise, the conceit was the same; fans and images from the movie were projected on the walls and ceiling, giving you a sense of immersion. It started with Flynn's trip through the laser, followed by flying over the Game Grid and into an I/O tower. Later you were chased by tanks and Recognizers, which the film was edited to have them stop at the first tunnel exit so that it lined up with the gap between it's landing struts.
In the second tunnel, you were were in the midst of the Light Cycle Battle. All of the first person POV shots from the movie were used which, when projected the way they were around a circular room, were quite exhilarating.
After you "escaped" through the last tunnel, the MCP came back on the speakers to declare, and I remember this verbatim: "You have escaped TRON's Game Grid for now, Users! But take heed! Next time you may not fare so well..." (When you are 12, love Sci-Fi and have a vivid imagination, this was pretty sweet, each and every time you rode it. Until...
Flash forward to the early 90's. I'm older. My brother and my girlfriend and I all have annual passes to the park. We live minutes away so we go a lot. The People Mover is still there and is required riding each time we go, especially at night, when Tomorrowland was aglow in neon and, the stars were out and cover bands decked out in space-themed outfits would play 80's hits on a nearby stage.
The tunnel approaches. At this age and after countless rides, you repeat the words as you approach the tunnel. And then, the ride stops.
Just before the mid point of the two tunnels, the ride comes to a stop. This is not an uncommon occurrence, especially when the ride operators would let a disabled patron on the ride they would have to stop it, but it would start up quickly. Not this time.
After about ten minutes we began to joke that we would be stuck on the game grid. After 30 minutes we were really having a laugh. After an hour, ride operators showed up and lifted hidden hand rails from the edges of the track and escorted us backwards through the tunnel, along the ride track to Space Mountain, where we took an emergency stairway exit back into the park. It was then that we realized: The MCP had won and we had "not fared so well." We were stuck on the Game Grid.
Sadly, they shuttered the People Mover when Tomorrowland got a make over in the 90's, and the ride that replaced it, the Rocket Rods, using the same track, didn't even last a year because it always broke down.
So, technically, I am posting this to you from the Game Grid. The Glowing Water is delicious, I am a Blue Program and fell in with the rebels when CLU went all haywire a few years back. Miss seeing the DJ's at the End of Line Club after it got derezzed. They played some great sounds.
EDIT: Found video of the tunnel. It doesn't really do it proper, but you get the sense of it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How I met your mother.....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was Summer 2012. I was still working at Starbucks and I had a pretty great life. I had friends, family, a job, extra money. It was great. I went to another Starbucks where my good friend (lets call her A) works at. I go to the counter and I see the girl who stole my heart. Lets call her M. She took my order and I played it cool like it was whatever. days later Im hanging out with A and another friend and I comment to her how I thought M was really pretty and that she was cute. Didn't think much of it.
But then during the summer, A texts me and tells me that shes been talking to M about me and she showed her pics of me and was saying how similar we both are and how she thinks that we both should go out one time. So I'm scared and nervous and all the jitterbugs just because I felt like she was really pretty that she wouldnt go for a guy like me. (I'm an average looking guy, my teeth were messed up and I felt so self-conscious about them) But anywho, days go by and out of nowhere, A texts me with M's phone number saying "She said you can have it."
So I text her later that night and we start talking getting to know one another just basic stuff. Eventually after a week or two we made up a day to go out somewhere. And at first I didnt know where to go. I thought ice cream somewhere special. But I wasn't sure how M would feel about it. Eventually we decide Ice Cream in Santa Cruz and I pick her up and she just looked so pretty. We said hi and we talked and again, asked each other basic questions about each other and got to know one another. I was enjoying the Date already.
As we approached Santa Cruz, I didn't know where exactly what ice cream shop to go so out of nowhere, I decided to Park by the boardwalk and immediately we just decided to go there instead. So we walk around checking out the rides and games they offer. We buy a few tickets to get on a few rides. Shortly After, she says "lets go to the beach and play with the water" I was really shocked to hear that, I didn't know how to react only because the girls who I hung out with were very girly and never wanted to do anything ... outgoing or spontatious to an extent. going to the water was not one of them. So I went there with her and we took our shoes and socks up, rolled up our pants and played in the water. I felt such a moment of clarity enjoying something like with somebody like her. I didn't expect it and I really enjoyed it.
We enjoy the rest of our day at the santa cruz beach board by eating funnel cakes and going on different rides we went to. We talked, we laughed, we shared stories and overall i had an amazing time with her. Best first date ever.
Time went along and we continued to text, but it was only after our 3rd hangout that she wanted end things. She wasnt good on how she went about it but she still talked to her ex and things weren't exactly over over with him. I didn't accept it as first and continued to be friend hoping she could she I can be a great dude she can be with(The ex cheated on her and treats her like shit from what i heard from her, A, and their coworkers) Time went on and I still stuck around knowing I wasn't going to have a chance but I
So I know this gnarly dude who could fill this page with his life story and entertain the FUCK out of you all! im really bummed Ill never get to convince him to do so because a) he doesnt have a computer in his house and b) he is WAY to humble and wouldnt want to do this. I mean he'd tell his stories as they came up, but not a planned out event to type them out. So I will attempt to re-tell some stories he told me, because I can. I apologize for butchering these in advance.
So I took this seasonal job on this cattle ranch near Santa Cruz, California USA. Sweet fuckin place right. Redwood trees, creeks, trails, cows, critters like deer, quails, turkeys, mountain lions. There was also some farms, tree harvesting plantations, watershed study locations etc etc. There was no cell service, shitty internet, and big fucking barn packed with tools, cats, and chickens. The whole works. If you've never explored the California coastal territory and have the means to do so I highly recommend you check it out.
ANYway, the mechanic on this ranch is this big burly dude, super friendly, really smart and we get to working together on some projects and each time we work some crazy story of his comes out.
Well it turns out that this dude grew up in California near the big wave surf spot called Mavericks before it was super famous and has participated in some gnarly shit. He grew up in a town that was planned out to host a lot more tourists than it actually ended up hosting, so in the early construction days the roads were huge and made of dirt. His mom wasnt the soberest of people, and when this happened he would take her car keys and go drifting around town in this old ass heavy car on dirt roads that were like quarter mile tracks. I mean these were so new in the construction phase that they had no asphalt or paint or center divider except for the concrete gutter wall to direct water on the the inside of the road. Hes like twelve or something! Drifting big heavy cars in the 70s! Never got in trouble, no one stopped him.
He was part of the generation who basically invented skateboarding. The town they lived in had these rich people who paid for this road to go up into the hills so they could have a view. And then the houses filled in down from the ridge line because the road was there. So when they started skating in the summer (the flat season, fall and winter is surf season most of the time) they'd bomb down these massive empty roads from the hills to the beach. This was before there were rubber wheels. They skated on clay wheels, bombing hills in bare feet on skinny wooden boards that they had to drip parafin wax on for traction!!
At one point this one house collapsed on the long road up to the ridge. So they built the worlds first vert ramp out of the damaged house (like a quarter pipe, but really big and out of old scrap wood according to this guy's story) and would go flying down this hill, pushing 50 mph on homemade down hill skateboards (which is a serious fucking speed, like I've hit 22 on this tiny, short little road that had a speed trap at the bottom on a modern day downhill board, you know. No pads or anything, and I was scared shitless! You try it) hit this vert ramp to stall, and then (if they stuck the landing on the ten plus feet of air they got) they'd come down and hook a u turn and continue bombing down the hill! On clay wheels! In bare feet!! On a skinny wood plank with rollerskate bearing on it!!!! WTF!!!!!!
Ive been told some other stories about big wave surfing all over the world, working for an airline food delivery service (he was the first new guy on the crew in 22 years, can you imagine the inside jokes!!! could make a sitcom of that shit), moto cross victories, chainsaw incidents, tree felling shenanigans, and tons of surf stories.
Basically, I belive that this guy deserves some credit for being awesome and pushing the boundaries of what was possible in a time when technology was allowing people to do so. The first skateboards, the first dirt bikes, the first fiberglass surfboards. And also in a time when people didnt have to photograph every god damn thing, they just went out and did it for the thrill and didnt care about having the picture to prove it. They didnt need that 21st century shit.
I believe these stories because I work with him everyday and have learned that he's the most humble, honest guy ever, just very excitable, and really draws experience from his past to deal with the shit the present throws him. I recently was given the great honor of visiting his home and enjoying a bbq with his family and that was an experience in its self. If I was better at telling stories (because I believe storytelling is a very valuable skill) I'd post more.
TL;DR I know this GNARLY hilarious and awesome dude who should post his life story here for the entertainment and edification of all (yes, i know thats not a word, deal with it) but he never will and I've enjoyed every moment of his entertaining stories so much that I simply had to tell someone about this guy. Local Legend for sure.
reddit introduced me to my current boyfriend! well, actually it was /u/AWildSketchAppeared (: I randomly commented on something he said and a random guy commented on my comment. now, here we are a year later, best friends and in a new relationship. thanks reddit!! <3
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:19:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wish I could tell you, haha. it was a random thing that happened that ended up being amazing!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I'm working grounds crew of a sports park and we're outside tending to our enormous flower pots and we find a praying mantis which were actually pretty common around the park. We put it in a makeshift flower pot trap and cart it around with us during the day occasionally feeding it bugs. Then later we find another one amongst our potato vines, so we capture it too and decide that at the end of the day we're gonna take them to the dump lot and have them fight.
So the boss pull up in his cart and asks us what's with the flower pots and we tell him about our mantis fight and he tells us to look for another one for him. So it's about 1:00 and we decide to start actively searching for another Mantis. Turns out they love sweet potato vines cause we find a third one. We call the boss up and let him know that we found him a competitor. Quitting time is usually about 4:00 because that's when the lot opens up at game time. Boss pulls up to us in his cart at 3:15 and says something along the lines of "let's head in early and fight some Mantis."
So we unpack our tools and head out to our dump lot to find an arena for this Mantis fight to go down. Eventually we choose a large trash bin and we put them in and watch them go at it. My partner's Mantis won via decapitation.
I am a terrible addition to society. I've got some mental health disorders and I seem to hurt everyone around me. Although I didn't always know this.
I live in a small town, everybody knows everybody. So when I sleepwalk and wake up in someone's backyard, they aren't freaked out too much. Anyway one morning I wake up to some new guy who was visiting town. I'll call him Jim. So Jim and a neighbor wake me up and tell me to go home. I head home to find out there's been an accident. Part of our house caved in, luckily my family was safe but we had to stay at a hotel for a few days while it's fixed.
The next morning I'm late to the bus stop and stressed(High school senior). I explain what happened to my friends and we have a smoke while waiting for the bus to take us to school. A new girl moved to town and is in my class today as well. She's pretty. Let's call her Greta. I can't get up the nerve to talk to her so I just smile and she smiles back.
I decide that I will try to talk to her tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes we find out school's been canceled due to some pipes bursting or something like that, I'm fuzzy on the details. On my way walking home I see Greta being harassed by these assholes waiting with her at her stop. I step in and offer to walk her home which she of course accepted. We get to talking and I embarrassingly start telling her about my mental issues(not a great topic to impress someone with I know, but I was nervous as hell!) Anyway I end up asking her out(great time for that, right?) and she surprisingly said yes! I'm so happy. My life is starting to look up.
That's when this asshole Jim comes back into the picture. Turns out he's some kind of motivational speaker visiting our school and he starts spewing all this crap at all of us. I'm furious so I go tell him off in front of everyone. And my teacher gives me detention, what a bitch. The kids all cheered for me though as they were trying to drag me away from the microphone.
Over the next few weeks things take a turn for the worst. My favorite teacher was fired, another teacher told me he didn't want to talk to me. Greta stayed with me through it all. I was really starting to fall in love with her. She's concerned about my mental health, but who isn't? Everyone thinks I'm a nutjob, my parents, my shrink, my teachers. The one teacher that didn't was just fired. Life is getting pretty shitty. In a fit of rage I went over to Jim's house one night while he's out and I set it on fire. Burn that thing to the ground. Most of you are probably thinking I'm a dick right? Well guess what, they found out this guy was a pedophile. While sifting through the burnt remains of his house they discovered a mountain of child porn in his basement. This guy deserved it, what a freak.
So now it's Halloween, I got off scot free from burning his house, no suspicions on me! My sister and I decide to throw a party while my parents are out of town. Greta comes to me crying that her mom was assaulted by her dad(long story) so I console her. She's done so much to help me I had to help her. She's so distraught she decides now is the best time for us to have sex for the first time. I didn't want to take advantage of her, but she really wanted to, I couldn't say no. Afterwards I take off with some friends of mine and Greta.
We're just hanging out when suddenly those bullies from before jump us. They've got a gun and tell my friends to split. They do...jerks. The bullies hold me down and Greta tries to pull them off me. They push her into the street and she falls down. This
is where it gets really fucked up. A drunk driver comes down the road and runs Greta over. Her last words were her screaming my name out. The bullies are freaked so they take off running. They left their gun which I grab. I am pissed. This guy just destroyed the only thing I had left in my life. He steps out of the car trying to apologize but I just raise the gun and pull the trigger. Gets him right in the left eye. His friend also takes off running.
Words cannot describe how I'm feeling at this point. I put Greta in the car and start driving. She's dead, there's nothing I can do at this point. I drive out to a good lookout spot outside town. The sun is starting to rise. This is where I have my realization. Everything I touch gets destroyed. Life hates me, I have nothing. If I didn't exist, everyone's lives would be better. Greta would still be alive, Jim's secret would still be a secret(although better for society I guess that it isn't), my family wouldn't have to constantly be worrying about me and my issues.
It's at this point I know what I have to do. I time travel back to the beginning of all of this and instead of sleepwalking, get crushed by the jet engine.
freet0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think this is the third one of these I've missed now.
Does anyone have a "whats the story you wanted to tell in the 'whats the story you wanted to tell?' thread?" thread?
I had won my school science project got selected to represent in the inter-school competition. So The competition day, I go with my project to the venue(which was another school). I find my spot in a class and set up my project. After a while I see a cute girl come and sit right next to me with her project. Since I was shy and awkward I just get nervous and keep quite, and dont speak to her. But then she initiates a conversation with me and asks about stuff. Long story short, We become friends. Between conversation I find out that she is a girl scout. Towards the end of the day while packing up my stuff I ask her if she would be coming to the state camporee to which she says yes. That gets me excited. Cause I never thought I ll see her again. And We dint have cellphones and shit during that time. Finally I say goodbye to her and come back home. I remember how shitty I felt cause I wont be seeing her the next day. It was an instant crush.
After a few months, the camporee day comes. And offcourse after waiting for so long for this day, the first thing I do at the camp is search for her. There were way too many people so she is hard to find. I ask my friend to look for her. So we search all day for nothing. At the end of the day, there is a camp fire where all the boy and girl scouts gather. So I tell myself this is a good opportunity to find her. So i look through the crowd. And for a split second I thought i saw her in a yellow jacket. Suddenly my friend says he saw her in a red sweater in another place. Now I am confused. The girl in yellow jacket disappears again in the crowd.
The day ends with disappointment. The camp is 2 days long. So I tell myself, Tomorrow my friend.
And tomorrow comes. I start my search again. After 3 hours of searching, around noon, during the lunch time, I see her! I know its her, the moment i see her. But now I dont have the courage to go talk to her. (yeah I was a pussy). I start feeling weak in my stomach just by thinking of going and talking to her. But then I tell myself, this is the only chance I'll get! So I man up and go to her and say ''Hi'' and all i get is a puzzled look. I get nervous and ask '' umm remember me? We met at the science exhibition?'' She says ''Umm no. I dont know who you are.'' And that hurts like a bitch. I feel so down. I just slowly walk back and sit in a corner. A lot of questions come to my mind. Why did she do that? Does she really not remember me? What the hell? After a while, I carry on with my day with my grumpy face.
The end of the day comes. At this point I am hopeless and frankly I din't even care anymore. And the campfire happens. Then I just think of going home. So I just grab my bag and start walking out all depressed.
Suddenly just as I reach the gate, I hear a voice calling my name. And It's her! I am kind of annoyed at her but still listen to her anyways. She explains me everything. Turns out, and I shit you not, she has a twin sister. And she is the one who I talked to the previous day. She gets confused and later tells it to her sister what happened. And My crush, tries to find me everywhere but could not cause of my stupid face buried in some corner. So then we catch up a bit. And she hugs me. Being the awkward guy I am, I still could not do shit. And just awkwardly say bye. Never to have seen her again.
I wish I was not that shy. I wish I had find a way to keep in touch with her. She was a nice girl.I wonder what she is doing now...hmm.
Tl.DR- Have a crush on a girl who I meet at a science exhibition. Then I again meet her in a scout camp, but she does not recognise me cause it's actually her twin sister.
have plenty of "that guy/girl" stories but the one I'll share in particular doesn't exactly come with a negative connotation...just kind of weird. In 2010 The xx played the That Tent in what was effectively the Thursday night headlining spot. I was having my own "fun" and posted up for Local Natives << Neon Indian << Temper Trap << The xx and moved progressively closer to the stage until I was on the rail while getting separated from my group (how I didn't have to pee or whatever is beyond me, Bonnaroo!) Anyways, I'm about 6 foot 1 and have no problem letting shorter people in front of me as long as my view is still unimpeded. That evening there were plenty of lovely ladies flashing me in exchange for my spot. I would've moved either way, but hey, free boobies. So The xx come on and I had been chatting with this one chick and the bass from the band is just overwhelming. This was when The xx only had the debut album so they kind of had to fill time. One way in which they did that was with the DJ/beat dude just laying on a reverberating bass effect for a solid minute. The girl, obviously rolling titties, grabbed my hand and squeezed while convulsing wildly. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head until the DJ dude layed off and she swung forward into my arms. As she panted trying to catch her breath she managed to whisper "I just came" into my ear. For some reason my altered state didn't connect the whole brain to lower extremity desires and all I could muster was a long and sarcastic "Bullshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit". I turned and walked out realizing I had been without my friends for hours.
TL;DR - This girl hand raped me at Bonnaroo 2010 during The xx and it was alright.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work with young developmentally disabled people. One morning I noticed that one of our students "Sheila" has what appears to be blue gum sticking to her jeans. I say "Hey, Sheila you've got gum on your jeans." Her best friend corrects me "No, that's a Fruit Loop." At this point I become distracted and assume Sheila will remove the blue Fruit Loop, herself.
About two hours later we take our entire group on a walk to the Pier it's a nice day out. I'm walking several feet behind Sheila when I notice THE BLUE FRUIT LOOP still stuck to her jeans! "Sheila, you still have cereal on your pants!" The group turns to look and at that moment Sheila picks the cereal from the back of her jeans then casually puts it in her mouth. The entire group goes quiet for a moment in disbelief-then suddenly everyone is cracking up, including Sheila. Uncontrollable giggling ensued.
Roaven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a really shitty story, but it was probably the thing I'm most proud of in high school. So, I was in history class, sitting in the group that I tended to hang out with in that class. For the sake of the story, I'll call the two relevant members of the group B and A. So, my main fun tricks in high school were theft and blatant lies. The former I mostly victimized someone else with, as he was chronically absent that year, Junior year, of high school, and I always would feed the class really BS reasons(wisdom teeth coming out, arrested for truancy, kidney removals, etc) that they were willing enough to eat up, but I digress.
So, I saw that B had his hoodie off and laying next to his desk, or thereabouts. No one was really paying attention to me, so I grabbed it, and, seeing A's backpack nearby, I opened up one of the pockets he didn't use and stuffed the hoodie inside. Cue lunch several classes later, which I shared with them both, but didn't sit with them. B comes over and accuses me, more or less, of stealing his hoodie. I shrug and say that I didn't steal it, but I think I saw A put it in his backpack, walking over to the table where A was sitting. B of course demands that he search A's backpack, despite A's vehement denial, and so he does, finding the hoodie tucked away. Leaving it to the two of them, I stood up and walked away while B started yelling at A for stealing it.
So in high school, we had a 10 minute break between 2nd and 3rd period, and around that time I usually need to go poop. So there I am, doing my business, when I realize... no toilet paper. My first thought was to use those toilet seat covers. Nope, all gone. My next go-to thing to do was to James Bond it over to the next stall. Luckily, there were no other people using the bathroom at the time. However, there was no toilet paper or seat covers there either. The clock was winding down and I had to get to class in less than 3 minutes, so I did the only thing that I could. I opened my backpack, reached in, took out binder paper, and wiped.
A little late to the party, but I'll post it anyways. A few years ago, I was smoking a cigarette, waiting for my shift to start when a homeless guy asked if he could have a smoke. I was running low and was very strapped for cash at this point in time so I told him it was my last one. He knew I was lying, and I felt bad, but he didn't push it and went to go sit on this grassy knoll area in front of the building.
Then this tall, blonde woman carrying a bunch of abstract paintings walks up to the homeless guy and says "Joe, I'm sorry, but you have to go. You know I respect you as a human being, but this is where I'm holding my art show and you can't be here." Again, he looks pissed, but clearly doesn't think it's worth the argument, and moves again.
I'm watching her set up all these shitty paintings, warding anyone off who may ruin her precious art show and thinking "What a bitch." When ANOTHER lady comes up to the blonde artist lady and just starts ripping into her. I have no idea what their situation was but the second lady is just screaming at her, "Kristen! I am so sick and tired of your fucking bullshit! You're 30 goddamn years old! When will you grow up and start taking responsibility for yourself!? You have until tonight to get your fucking paintings out of my house and stop wasting my life and time!" and the artist lady just pulls into herself like a dejected rabbit as she holds back tears.
So me and Joe the homeless guy are just watching her with a combination of "What the fuck is happening here?" and "I'm kind of really enjoying watching this happen right now." So, I walked over to him, pulled out two cigarettes and my lighter and said "Joe, I'm sorry I lied to you. That was wrong." and we smoked a cigarette together while we watched this pretentious artist getting berated by someone she had pissed off.
TL;DR: Formed a special memory with a homeless guy as we watched an uppity artist get the ever living shit yelled out of her and it was magic.
Magknum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
During prom my friend, let's call him Richard, spiked the punch with grey good vodka-- yeah there really weren't a lot of chaperons 2 manning the door and a couple on the dance floor "boogieing", so after he drank 2 straight shots of the alcohol, he got really fucked up. He ended up passing out in a chair next to his smoking hot girlfriend, let's call her Jami*.
I having had the punch before it was spiked, was perfectly sober at the time and I had this amazing idea to grab her, a couple of other pretty drunk friends and head out to the nearest diner, because Prom was such a bore. Jami had some a lot of punch after it was spiked, and she was just as drunk as the next. Basically after we all had our meal, I paid for it and before long the drunk friends had to go home with a curfew, so that left me and Jami to talk out her problems with Richard. I realized how much a douche Richard was to her, and I thought to myself that he didn't deserve her. So me being the biggest asshole of a friend, I kissed her and she kissed back and we took this all the way to her place where we were met by a sweaty and very intoxicated Richard. We had a VERY heated exchange, which ultimately ended in a fist fight where I knew I HAD to knock him out or he would keep coming at me. I had so much doubt in my fighting skills due to me being a pretty skinny guy with no muscle to his bones, while Richard was massive like the type of guy who would be a jock, but wasn't close to being Athletic. We had a struggle until ultimately, Jami came up and knocked Richard out with her shoes. He fell straight on the ground and when I saw he did not get back up and we laying prostrate for 5 minutes, I lost my FUCKING mind. I thought she killed him and we vowed never to speak of this to anyone. Before long he rose and was so dazed that he fell once a again. We dragged him to her living room couch. And before she could say anything, I ran the FUCK out of there. He woke up remembering jack shit; Jami and I never spoke of this incident as if we had some sort of magical agreement
TL;DR I tried to do the sex with my friend's smoking hot girlfriend, but got intervened by her drunk boyfriend and had a fistfight where we knocked him out and left him on her couch. Never spoke of it ever again until now.
*= Now to put some context, they were having their problems: him cheating once with some slut I think everyone fucked once, and her not being there for his events due to her extracurricular activities (We were in a band). So
My own. I grew up with a troubled past, tried therapy for a few years but it didn't work. I've thought of writing a book but never have. I someday hope I'll be able to share it and heal.
This is my dads story from about 10 years ago. We had a raccoon that would get into our trash every night. One night my dad heard a sound. He ran outside and came face to face with the culprit. That racoon was perched on top of our fence about fifteen feet away from him. My dad started to walk towards it. The racoon began to do the same. Slowly they got closer and closer together until they where about a foot away and then bam! my dad punched the racoon in the ribs and knocked it off of the fence. Our trash was never disturbed again.
I was once playing Risk with my cousin who apparently has astronomically bad luck. She rolled 3 dice twice in a row; she rolled six 1's in six tries. The probability of this occurring is 0.002143%, or 1 in 46656.
I live in Atlanta, and I was taking a girl out on a date. She was pretty hot, but kind of an airhead. Still, I was having fun and we had spent most of the day talking at Piedmont Park. Dragon Con was going on at the time; itโs this big nerd con that takes over Atlanta, and this girl and I decide to walk around and look at all the costumes. We talk, flirt, etc., and eventually I decide to drive her home.
We walk back towards my car, which is parked in the public lots they have around the hotels. I get stopped by this raggedy homeless guy who, to my complete surprise, has a burger king crown upon his head. He was black, unshaven, but I remember he had quite the bright smile to him. This guy stops us and goes, โExcuse me sir, I am not a Homeless MAN but rather a homeless GENTLEMANโฆโ Already I like this. The thing about Atlanta is that the homeless are very typical. They arenโt violent or anything, but they do have the ability to really guilt you if you donโt give them some money. So, any homeless guy that really stands out usually makes me curious to hear their story.
I stop to listen to this guyโs story. He goes about explaining himself, โIโm not going to ask you for money to fuel any drug or alcohol habit, but instead Iโd like to bring your attention to my crown.โ He takes the crown off his head. He then proceeds to show me that heโs added to the crown, โYou see, any money I get is put towards my crowns here. I decorate these crowns and make them look exquisite.โ (I am making up some of the dialogue here, but he was really well spoken. I really remember his opening line and how eager he was to show me his crown.) โSo, I ask you if youโd like to help with my endeavors?โ By this time I have a HUGE smile on my face. I say, โYou know what? Thatโs something I can get behind.โ I reach into my pocket and give him whatever change I have. It wasnโt much, but he seemed appreciative and gave us this little bow. It was nice to see a guy, though obviously a bit cooky, who was pretty passionate about his weird hobby.
TWO YEARS LATER
I am with a bunch of my friends driving down Peachtree Street. Weโre making our way to Little Five for free comic book day. (All the comic shops in Atlanta got these shipments of free comics.) It was a normal summer afternoon, and my friends and I are yucking about while I drive us towards Little Five.
I catch a sight that grabs my attentionโฆ
On the sidewalk, I see this black guy in a bright silk purple suit walking with an eager stride. He sees a white dude in a business suit and lifts his hand for a high five. I shit you not, the two high five in midair like a fucking cartoon. What was upon the black guyโs head? A Burger King crownโฆ It was the SAME guy! Either he had saved all his money from his spare Burger King Crown investments to buy a really nice suit, or this guy had got some kind of job with his enthusiastic stories and requests. It was kind of heartwarming in a weird and awesome way.
tl'dr Homeless man asks for money to help decorate his Burger King Crowns. Years later, he is a successful business man in a purple suit somehow.
I work as a home Health aide, and just this week the 80-something retired pastor I work with told me about a bar he frequented while in college, during the 60s. There were "performers" there regularly each night, and his favorite girl had a special act which consisted of ripping her pubic hair out and sprinkling it over the men watching.
jonvel7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Okay so I was 5 maybe 6 years old, and my dad and I went to the bakery. I remember we went to buy some candy when suddenly I my eyes gaze upon this weird contraption sitting neatly on the glass shelf. This thing was filled with water and had different platforms on different levels and a little wheel on top so you could move the platforms around.
My dad saw me looking at it and gave me a quarter and told me that if a could land that quarter on any of the platforms we would win a half a dozen donuts of my choice. He said he had tried like 20 times before but never had any luck.
So little all me got so psyched up about this, for 5 year old me this was my purpose in life, this was my mission, I had too bring honor to our family. So I put the quarter on the slot and then I saw it gently flowing down, going back and forth, back and forth. Time stopped for a moment as I watched it get close to one of the platforms I swear I could hear my heart beat. I prepared my self dor victory and failed miserably.
That day my dad tought me a valuble less... nah just kidding, pulled it of on the first try and bagged my self a half dozen of some delicious donuts. Definitely wasn't the last time I went home with a box of donuts, sadly the place closed. Still to this day my dad says it was my fault.
TL; DR: Won a half dozen donuts first try with only one quarter... bakery eventually closed.
that time i smoked crack. not exactly dying to tell it but it belongs here: i hung out with this guy at a telemarketing firm i worked at when i was about 20. cant remember how exactly i got talked into this but we did do a lot of drugs. his cousin was coming into town and he wondered if i would kindly drive her to the ghetto (he had no car) when she arrived and help her out. when she arrived, she did so with a baby, one that she fed alcohol. (keep in mind, please, this is not a proud story). to add to the not-proudness, my girlfriend at the time, a recovering cocaine addict, was also present, and.. nonplussed. so i drive to the ghetto with this crazy lady ive never met in hopes of drugs id never tried. we roll around mlk and main (u.s. citizens will understand, sadly, that mlk blvd. is the ghetto in many towns) for a bit; plenty of people walking around though its the middle of the night, all dudes, all eyeing us. by instinct, or because he was the shortest, she said "pull over." she rolled down her window and the guy pointed to a "park" (read: shitlot) we had just passed and told us to pull in there. i did as instructed and he walked over, too. so now i am in my car, away from streetlamps, and cannot pull forward in any evasive sense. but i guess 20-year-old self was a fucking idiot. in the green world everything is in increments of 5, this guy was selling 12 rocks, whatever; it didnt matter because apparently my strange companion had no money. homegirl starts taking off rings, "how much can i get with that?" and gives it to him, "what else you got?" (he still has the ring rookie fuckhead!) she takes out her earrings and gives them to him, he bites off a rock and puts it in her hand, then another. then homeboy reaches into the car and takes my roll of quarters off the dash, and my roll of dimes off the dash (finally i feel "oh, this isnt right," a little late) and takes off. im all "whelp, we got our drugs, time to bail" and switch to reverse. she climbs out the window (totally unnecessary) and starts chasing this guy yelling the n-word. remember, i cant pull forward, theres trees, and these two just ran into the ghetto, this n-word yelling stranger my representative. i comb blocks, and i am scared shitless. i cant just leave her, even though i feel she deserves it, because of freaky baby back at the trailer. i have to go slow, though; and all the guys who saw us pull in witnessed or at least heard what just went down, 5 or 6 people approached my car, i drove on but slowly. finally she comes running up, still pissed, i dont know where from or what happened, but we get the fuck out. on the way back, we punch holes in a pepsi can from under my back seat and smoke crack. she says we should do some before we get home because something something.
When I was an undergraduate I was cramming for exams and at the college library late one night. There was no one else around, but being at the back on the third floor I figured that was fairly normal. When some of the lights went off, I guessed that was my cue to leave. Half an hour later I finally packed my bag, walked down three flights of stairs and came up to the front door... to find it locked. Now many doors have a latch on the inside that you can turn to escape if you happen to find yourself locked in the campus library at night... not this one.
Freaken automatic doors. I tried prying them open but to no avail. I found one emergency access at the back, set off the alarm then ran like the wind. I heard the next day they were looking for someone who broke into the library the night before. I was wayy too ashamed to tell anyone that in reality it was me trying to break out :/
Actually just posted this somewhere else the other day but definitely been waiting to post it:
In the summer between high school and going off to college, I moved in with a buddy of mine and his dad for the summer since my parents moved out of town. One particular evening, a group of us were going to a country concert about an hour away from home, and were planning on staying overnight at a cabin not far from the concert. After my friend's dad asked if my friend was coming home for the night and he declined, his dad also asked if i was coming home for the evening, to which I said I probably wasn't. After getting to the concert and tailgating the concert for a couple hours, however, I decide to sell my ticket to the concert and go back to my hometown to drop some acid that I had been waiting to take instead with some other friends.
After getting home and tripping for a little while, my buddies at the cabin call me and tell me they're having a party out there, and want me to come back. I head back to my buddy's dad's place (where I lived at the time) to get my car and belongings from inside the house, and when I pull into the driveway I see a beat up old gold sedan I don't recognize. With my friend's dad being divorced and known for having other women over from time to time, I assumed it was just one of his girlfriend's and decided to not think much of it and that I would sneak in and do my best not to disturb them. I could not have been more wrong.
After trying the front door and realizing it was locked, I head around the back of the house to the basement sliding door (I lived in the basement at the time.) The sliding door led into a weight room which was adjacent to the main section of the basement that I lived in. Upon heading around to the back of the house, I could see that the weight room light was on through the curtain that covered the door, which I also thought was strange, but given that I was still a little spacey from the acid I'd taken earlier I didn't think much of it.
What I didn't expect to walk in on was my friend's dad, balls deep in another guy. Within fractions of a second of realizing what was going on I'd already slammed the sliding glass door and was sprinting for the street to grab my other friend who was waiting on me and high tailed it out of there.
The kicker to this is that we always joked about my friends dad being gay (he was somewhat feminine and known for being kind of a pussy, especially hilarious contrasted to his son/my friend, who was always known for being a redneck)
Walked into the house with my buddy the next day, the dad and I made awkward eye contact for a minute and never mentioned it again. Weirdest summer ever.
TL;DR: Walked in on my friend's dad (who I lived with at the time) banging another dude while I was on acid.
My grandmother had Alzheimer's, and shortly before she passed, my Dad went to visit her in the hospital. She couldn't really talk, had no remaining memory at all, couldn't even feed herself. Anyway, my Dad wen to see her in the hospital, and as he was walking out she spoke up and said, "Wait," and my Dad turned around. Then came the last words she ever said to him, "I love you."
Year was 2001. I was in Australia for a year, travelling, and got to Sydney broke. I ended up sleeping on the floor of some fellow travellers house in a place called Darlinghurst (Suburb of Sydney). The place we were at backed onto a massive club called โThe Arqโ (not sure if itโs there anymore). Once a month, this place would film the Australian version of โTop of the Popsโ. When this happened, they parked a MASSIVE arctic truck down our shitty side street. This huge beast constantly pumped out exhaust fumes for 48hrs straight whilst the filming took place. Because of this we were offered, and happily accepted, free tickets to the club the night they would film so that we would be in the audience to watch the bands and artists sing (make up numbers).
I wore a number 7 Thailand top (all the rage in 2001 - $1 from anywhere in Thailand) and decided to write, in invisible ink, TWAT on the back. No one could see the โTWATโ in daylight, but in a night club, under the UV flashing lights it was there for all to see. Basically we got the front of the crowd of pre-teens (Iโm also 6ft 5), massively stoned and drunk, and danced like it was our last time on earth. They finished the filming of the show (2-3 hours, dunno, stoned). Bouncer then asked myself and group to leave the club. Everyone else stayed. I found out later that they had to film the whole thing again because, on the โfirst takeโ of the show, they could see my T-Shirt at the front of the crowd with TWAT written on it. We never got tickets again :(
It was around Christmas time when a homeless man came up to my car and started telling me a sob story about how all of his stuff recently got stolen, including all of his sleeping bags and blankets (it was freezing at the time). As I scrounged up all of the change I had lying in my car's ashtray, I looked up and noticed there was a thrift store next door. I asked if I could buy him something instead of giving him change, and he said sure. I went in and beelined to the blankets, and I chose the warmest wool blanket I could find that happened to be imprinted with a giant tiger on it. When I came out with the blanket, the homeless man looked at and then back at me. And then, with the biggest toothless smile I have ever seen, he looked me right in the eye and yelled "I'M THE TIGA!!!!!" I don't know why but something about that moment brought so me so much joy, even now.
I work for almost 3 years with a friend on a website that will make a difference to most bars in the US. When I went out to have another event to write about for the forum I found myself in front of one of the richest people related to this industry. That changed my view, my thinking, the elevation of my goals related to this project AND my life. I want it all and I want it now. Anybody able to help me? You the one that met a big fish...size of Bill Gates and can assist me to find the correct follow up?
I went to a two year junior college in a very small town in the middle of nowhere. We had to make our own fun however we could. One day while our baseball team was away at games were trying to think of something to do. Me and another teammate who was redshirted decide to go out and ride dirt roads. It had rained the previous night so it was bound to be fun.
We pick up his girlfriend and one of her friends who I was really close to but I never manned up and made a move in her. So we go out in his truck and were riding around for a few hours having a good time stop for lunch and then head back out. Not 5 minutes after we left Subway we hit a spot, the tires caught hard, he over corrects and sends us off a small mound that ran the length of the road. The truck ends up flipping over twice. I was seated behind the passenger seat and during that time I just instinctively reached forward and wrapped my arms around the girl in front of me and the passenger seat. I later learned she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. We all get out of the car with no serious injuries aside from a cut on my arm.
Unfortunately for me the girl I liked credited my teammate for saving her life. The next day I have the "pleasure" of hearing about their threesome they had. I, being the nice supportive friend, never bring it up that I did anything to save her.
Fast forward to graduation a few months later, I'm not graduating but I go to see my friends one last time. Girl that I liked walked up to me before we all left and the last thing she said to me was, "I know you're the one who saved me in the truck," kissed me on the cheek and went back to her family. We haven't kept in touch much since then, but last I saw she was engaged and finishing her bachelors degree. I'll see if I can find the photos we have if the truck after the wreck.
EDIT: Friend kept the photos on FB. Just put them on imgur
A few years ago, I broke up with my significant other for cheating on me. I ended up telling my mom about it later that day and in order to console me, she told me that she had also been cheated on. My dad cheated on her with her sister. I can't fully remember the timeline but it was years ago. Before any of my siblings or I were born, I think. Anyway, they got past it and are still married.
She made me promise not to tell my siblings. She said I can tell them when she and my dad are dead. I have kept my promise, but I am dying to tell them. Reddit will have to do for now.
Officially burnt bridges with a former best friend today.
I don't and probably won't ever admit this, that's why I'm writing it here to alleviate some of the stress, but it hurts a bit more than what I can acknowledge. A different kind from heartbreak, a more empty one.
Back in December my girlfriend and I broke up. We dated for two years and it was honestly a surprising break up to me as I never saw it coming. Two weeks passed since then and I was still sorta at that lost staged. My friend invited me out with my twin bro to meet up with a couple girls to go to a club in Providence (RI). It wasn't far for me no more than 30 minutes but the three girls we were meeting up with drove from Boston. That is around an hour maybe two. I sorta went out expecting nothing fun the girl I was hooked up with (Alicia) wasn't looking to excited either.
The night started we went into our first club and well it sucked. Paid like a 10 dollar cover and left quick. Second place we went to was anther 10 dollar charge and we spent our night there. It gets to like 1am we were like grinding and such at the club but ehh it wasn't real.
The girls mainly the other two girls invite us back to a hotel to spend the night. Of course my two friend want to go and I am so like not about it still being heart broken but got forced to go as they were my ride.
Arriving to the hotel I see two beds and I am so lost. The girls had this great plan of putting us three guys in one girls in the other. That idea was shot down quickly as my friends split with there girls. I was standing there like awkward and fuck just looking like I had no clue. Alicia grabs my hand and sits us on this huge window sill. A nice marble top a bit cold over looking downtown Providence. She asks whats up with me like why I wasn't happy.
I explained my break up and she got so cute and cuddled up on me apologizing for this bitch ex girlfriend. She seemed to really care but wouldn't talk about herself. I managed to find out she had a boyfriend but he was a dick and treated her horribly. I explained to her like my life and we talked about EVERYTHING. We talked to 5am and then I knew I needed sleep so I laid on the ground as everyone else was passed out.
Alicia looks at me and jumps right next to me. She went all types of little spoon for me. It made me feel loved and wanted and possibly the best night of my life. Nothing complicated just a night of talking and snuggling after a heart break like that made me rethink life. She is still with the boyfriend and he still cheats on her and abuses her. I still talk to her on occasion but I still want her even though I know it won't happen.
TL;DR: Night of my life meeting a girl that I might love.
When I was 9, my 4 year old cousin ran over to where I was playing with my Barbies all panicked.
"Mangopuddin! Look! What's happening?!"
When I looked up, I came face to face with a tiny little boner and a little boy about to cry.
So of course after five minutes of me hysterically laughing, I told him he was okay and just don't touch it and it'll go away.
I can't wait for his wedding
Edit: okay I lied, after laughing I asked what he was thinking about and he said something completely innocent and I told him if he didn't play Ken, his bird would fall off.
bubbuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In the fourth grade, we had this short quiz (can't remember what it was on), but I remember this one particular question. It basically asked what was a logical number of days in a month. Some of the answer choices were 28 days, 30 days, 32 days and 35 days. If I remember correctly, the quiz was math based, so I though "Well there's 4 weeks in a month, and 7 days in a week, so 7 x 4 = 28. I chose 28, but apparently I was the only one in class to choose that answer! The teacher called me out on it, and embarrassed the hell out of 4th grade me. She also said "Really bubbuh? Tell me a month that has 28 days." Under the embarrassment, I couldn't. Out of the blue, about two years ago, I thought to myself, February! My teacher forgot that February had 28 days. Well there's my story, nothing educational, nothing special, and I bet it doesn't even compare to other stories on this thread, but just thought I'd share!
TL;DR: I should have gotten 1 extra point on a quiz back in 4th grade
Yesterday I went to a Lush store to drop some fat stacks on handmade soaps and the sales assistant hustled me into getting an arm massage with one of their lotions. She picked up my arm and set to it, failing to notice it was the arm with a GIANT GANGLION CYST on the wrist. The look on her face when she realized she wasn't pushing around a bone or something was priceless. Neither of us mentioned it as she kept up her pitch. I bought the fucking lotion because I felt terrible for making her touch it for so long.
I was in a musical in my school one year, and I got a ride from some of my older friends to the cast party. One of our friends was following us (let's call him Harry) because he didn't know how to get to the host's house. So anyway, we were driving to the house, and when we finally get there, the driver has to go into someones driveway and turn around so that he can park in the street. He goes into the driveway and Harry just keeps going closer and closer to the drivers car. Oh Harry, you are such a joker. This is when red and blue lights start to flash on what we thought was Harry's car. Somehow, while Harry was following us, a police car of the same model managed to slip between us and Harry. The cop pulls us over because the driver backed out of the driveway without checking his surroundings. So now we were silently waiting for the ticket in the car, and after a few minutes, when all hope seemed to be lost, the host's dad walks to the car, nonchalantly pats the driver on the shoulder, and says, "Let's see if I know this guy." Sure enough, after a few seconds of listening, we hear the cop shout, "Hey, host, long time no see," at which point, the host invites the cop to the cast party for a slice of pizza (the cop accepts.) I'm honored that I witnessed this happen.
Every single thing that ever happens to me. Half the time I just want to shut up, but I have this unstoppable need to share every semi interesting story with at least one person. I hate it.
Back in the seventh grade I was the definition of an extremely socially awkward child and I happened to have an extremely awkward friend who we will call fat blond kid. Well being the seventh grade shit head that I was I went into the bathroom stall one day and wrote something along the lines of "Fat blond kid likes men" on the bathroom stall... I know very original but I was in the seventh grade and thought it was hilarious. The next day fat blonde kid was escorted into the bathroom stall by another extremely awkward kid and shown the slandering. Well as they were exiting the stall this popular basketball player walks in the bathroom and that is the moment when both of these poor kids social careers are ruined. Immediately these kids are referred to as boyfriends by the whole seventh grade. Jokes about these kids being gay for each other literally happened all the way through highschool. My friend ended up kinda having a hatred for the mysterious person that wrote he liked men on the stall because it literally caused him to get made fun of so much more than he would have normally and the other kid seriously moved schools in the ninth grade because he was tired of it. I still have told no one I wrote that about my best friend just trying to mess with him a little bit.
This could be really long but I'll try to make it quick.
I was with a group of a kit 20 people from a bus trip in New York and we had a free night to do what we wanted. It was 9/9/1999. It's an easy date to remember. We saw Annie get your gun and then decided to go outside the MTV music awards show to see who we could see.
When we decided to go back to out hotel we missed our train by 30 seconds. We all waited 20 mons for the next one. When we got to the next station it and shut down 5 minutes ago and we still had like 40 miles to our hotel.
We called a cab company to pick us up but another cab company thought they should get our business.
There were 20 taxi cars outside the train station with cabbies all yelling at each other.
We finally got in a cab but then the cops showed up.
Our driver had brass knuckles under his seat.
They took him away.
When we finally got back to the hotel we had 45 mins before the bus left for a full day of activities.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I threw a piece of bread into the toaster from across the kitchen like an 8 foot shot. When it landed my buddy walked by and slammed the bread in.
My best friend and I were vacationing in Italy, Mestre to be exact, which is a suburb of Venice and is thus much cheaper for college kids to stay in. The first night we got there, we were wandering around the city center of Mestre, and these two gorgeous Italian guys stopped us and asked us if we were Americans. When we said yes, they asked us to go dancing with them. Why not? We were at the tail end of our semester abroad, might as well go out with a bang, right? We were under the impression that they were going to take us directly to the club, and then, if things went well, back to their place. Now, that is not what happened; they instead took us directly to their apartment. I got a sense of uneasiness because they didn't speak English very well and were talking back and forth and laughing, but they were cute, goddammit.
Once we got there, their apartment was in a really quiet residential area with very few people around. They led us up the stairs to what was very obviously a bachelor pad. I'm talking leopard print sheets on the couch. Then, they tried to separate us into different rooms, and we obviously resisted. They didn't take kindly to this, and one of the guys blocked the only exit with his leg. We then noped right the fuck out of there. Running through the streets of a quiet Italian suburb at night trying to find a populated area all while hoping that those creepy guys hadn't followed us is one of the scariest things that's ever happened to me.
TL;DR: almost got sold into sex slavery and/or had my organs stolen by Italian supermodels
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few summers ago I volunteered for a program called "Meals on Wheels". Basically they would make a ton of meals packaging them in aluminum foil containers and deliver the meals to elderly people who couldn't cook for themselves anymore. Usually these elderly people lived in an assisted living apartments so it was my job to find their room and deliver their meal. I had a lot of strange interactions with the people I delivered to, but there is one I'll never forget. It was only my second day of delivering when I ring this elderly women's doorbell and find myself greeted with a hug. She keeps going on about how glad she is to see me and how tall I've gotten. At first I'm really confused, but then I realize she's the confused one. This sweet old women genuinely believed I was her grandson visiting her. By now I'm very uncomfortable, but all I can think to do is go along with her and tell her how I'm doing in school and that I was glad I was able to see her too. My friend who was making a video actually got some of it on film. It was really weird at the time, but looking bad on it I'm pretty sure I made that women's day.
I was driving from my home in South Carolina to visit my sister in central Florida when I got stuck in heavy traffic a few miles before the junction of I-26 and I-95. I was in the left lane, looking for an opening to get over to the exit lane to get on 95 South. I happened to look out the driver's side window when I spotted, lying in the grass about five feet from the asphalt, a huge, blue rubber dildo.
I had no camera with me and I was alone in the car, but naturally I wanted to share the wonder of the sight of that giant dong... so, I made a big show of pointing at it with my arm outstretched so as to catch the attention of the drivers behind me.
Did those beleaguered commuters notice it? Was there a long chain of cars creeping through the traffic jam with each driver pointing out to the next the blue monster cock? Did some brave, prurient soul jump out of their vehicle to scoop up the rubber dick while the rest of the car's occupants giggled nervously? Did some more prudish traveler stop her Chrysler, grab a white plastic bag from the floorboards, and step out to retrieve the offending silicone penis so as to keep it hidden from the innocent eyes of the children filling the minivan two car lengths behind her?
I don't know what happened after I pulled away from the beast, but I'd like to think that it was some lucky prison inmate- enjoying fresh air and knocking a few months off his eight year sentence with a little road work for the South Carolina Department of Corrections- who spotted the dildo, somehow smuggled it back into the big house in his pants leg, then sold it for a carton of cigarettes, all the while blessing his veiny, latex windfall.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
in Highschool I worked with the school tech head/sysadmin as a TA/ internship and had direct admin, network, and domain access to all the machines and grade databases on campus.
Needless to say, my transcript that got me into a great tech college, along with a few of my friends grades, might have been fudged just a tincy bit. Nothing like F's to A's, more like B's to B+'s.
One time I was looking for a perfect reaction picture to send to my friend after she gave me some bad news. In my search I found a .GIF of the picture I wanted but I couldn't find the picture itself so I "Save Image" the .GIF hoping it would be the screenshot of the picture I wanted and sent it to my friend without even thinking about it. About 5 minutes later I get a text saying, "How did you do that?!". I check my texts and realize that the gif is playing perfectly in the IMessage text window and I pretended like I knew that would happen the entire time. I know I'm not the first one to realize this but in my circle of friends I am recognized as "the originator." For those that haven't tried this, "save image" this gif and then send it to a friend via text. I know it works fine on iOS7 I can't vouch for any other OS. http://m.imgur.com/ggdetCP . Because of this I and my friends constantly communicate via reaction GIFS. It makes daily texting hilarious..
tnkd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A little late to the party, but I think I can share a story here... My stint in the gay pornography industry.
So I was in between jobs, it was a tricky time, family, mortgage, the usual. I was in IT and started looking for simple Web Development gigs. Not that I was jumping at the first thing that came my way, but with some freelance stuff I was doing, I thought that I'd see if I could get something part time to make ends meet, and still have the time to spend with family and freelance work outside of all that.
So... fast forward to job time. I found one which was with a online swimwear retailer, someone that needed someone to manage their stuff, organise the distribution and facilitate with the web side of things. I thought to myself, may well throw the feelers out there and see whether it ends up being of interest.
So I applied for it and had an interview the very next day. Met the owner at a bar, relaxed interview, I thought to myself, oh this went really well. We covered the role, there was a need for some promotional video work and some product photography which might of included men / women on the beach, that sort of stuff. I was no photographer, but thought to myself, well a photos a photo and we can work the rest out after wards, so went gung ho into it.
Turned up the next week for the first day of work - we worked out of his apartment and he had quite a nice place. He showed me around, facilities, PC, went through the products etc, all of that was over really really quickly, like in 20 mins. Thats when the next part happened. He said that the retail part of the business was just more of a hobby, and he was actually more into adult films. He very delicately broke into the fact that he recruited male models and that he would proceed to pay them based on what they decided to do, then proceeded to show me his domains and the actual content.
So it turns out, the role that I signed up for had dramatically changed, into basically filming and editing the content, recruiting and supporting the actors. Needless to say, I didn't go back the next day. I did manage to get him to pay me for my time though in the end. As someone that thought he had seen quite a bit on the internet, that day was definitely an eye opening experience.
TLDR: Needed work, found what I thought was a cushy job, ended up with hardcore gay pornography, glory holes and deceit
I was walking along a park on the Upper East Side and took a seat on a bench to relax. I look up and see a guy frantically talking on his phone looking out at the river and I got curious as he walked passed me. I heard snippets of his conversation and he was talking about following someone and how he needed help. All of a sudden 2 NYPD cop cars show up and surrounded me on my bench and the cops pile out. A couple go talk to the guy on the phone while one comes over to me. He starts asking me if I saw anything and asking me what I was doing there. Turns out the guy on the phone saw a guy in the East River and had called the cops while following him. I looked up and couldn't see anything so I assume that guy had drowned.
I got out of there real fast.
10 minutes later I stopped at another bench to ask a guy if he had a cigarette I could buy from him. He said "its free if you pet charlie". Seeing as he was alone and dressed in a big jacket I thought he was a sicko talking about his dick. I went into defensive mode and prepared for some sicko pervert attack and prepared to hightail it back to the cops. He must have noticed because he laughed and quickly unzipped his jacket. Clinging to his chest was a big old lizard that I think may have been an iguana. "This is charlie kid, dont freak out" he said. It was pretty awesome and we ended up having a pretty cool discussion about care and feeding of lizards over a smoke.
My time living in NY was full of random shit like that. I love that city so much.
grimiy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A super hot MMA fighter girl got nervous speaking to me...that is all boosted my confidence through the roof
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tonight I ordered pizza, and cheesy pullaparts with Apocalypdough: a special extra spicy crust the local pie place has. I'm eating that delicious cheese bread with some ranch (normally I hate ranch but these guys have a really good one) and my cat jumps up on my computer desk and is staring very intently at it.
I know she won't like it because it's spicy, so I figure she just wants to check it out, out of curiosity. So I hold it a little closer for her to sniff. She starts bobbing her head forward and back, I'm thinking like the smell offends her so she pulls away, but it's so intriguing she comes back.
After a couple bobs though, I realize the truth. She's gagging. I scream and torpedo away on my rolly chair because I REALLY hate cat puke. The husband is yelling at me to move her to a better spot but yeah right, I'm not picking up an actively barfing cat! Finally one tiny ball of barf rolls off her tongue onto the floor and she walks away like ndb. I couldn't find the barf ball to clean up though o.o
TLDR; cat so thoroughly disapproves of spicy pizza she barfs at me for having it in her presence
What's up, I'm Sean and I love Electronic music. This is a story about my EDC weekend in 2013 at the Las Vegas Speedway.
In February of last year I was hanging out with some friends who I had not seen in a few months, and we got on the subject of adventure. Me being the music fan I am, showed them the EDC trailer for Vegas. Immediatley, my best friend Zach and Isaac jumped on board. Within the next month we had our tickets and hotel worked out. All we had to do was wait.
Fast forward to June, I drove from Sacramento(my home town) to Hollister, California where Zach and Isaac lived. We left on a Thursday morning for Las Vegas home of Electric Daisy Carnival. The greatest place for a music fan on earth. We arrive in the afternoon and wander the Las Vegas strip. We stay up pretty late smoking weed, and continue to do so when we wake up on Friday. We spend most of Friday watching the TV show Wipe Out, until about 5:30pm. We get in line around 6 and we wait for what's about to happen.
Day 1 of EDC-
7:00, The gates open! Zach, Isaac, and I stand over the festival in awe. After about 5 minutes I make a charge for the main stage, where I spent most of my night. Within an hour I lost Zach and Isaac, but it was ok because I knew they were having fun. Around 10 I decide to take a break from the continuous dancing, and I sit against a building staring at the fireworks shooting above the speedway. This is where I meet Ian. Ian and I begin talking about how great the EDM community is, and before we part he gives me 2 pills and says "knock these back". Me being the "Fuck It" type of person did so without hesitation. Soon after I realize they were just painkillers. I continued to dance through the night, but in a more drowsy/lazier way. I get a call from Zach around 2 and we decide to call it a day. We were wiped out.
Day 2 SHIT FUCKING HAPPENS-
I awake the next morning to Isaac smoking a bowl to Wipe Out, which set the tone for the rest of the morning in the hotel room. We decide to hit the festival around 10pm, but this time we each did 2 hits of acid. This acid was double soaked blotter, high-grade stuff. We immediately take different routes to ensure we had our own adventures and experiences. I head to main stage after buying a shirt. After about 30 minutes I start my ascension towards the stars. Then I notice something weird. The song had slowed down and the crowd wasn't moving much, and this one person out the 100,000 people there was jumping up and down facing away from the stage. He is within arms reach of me and we make eye contact. "Jump with me,โ he says. So I do. Look at the sea of people," he continues. As I jump with this stranger I realize how huge this crowd is. This enormous gathering was all for the music. It was an amazing realization. We stop jumping after about 10 jumps, and he gets right in my face and says " Hi I'm Miles." I look into his black, dilated, colorless eyes and say "Iโm Sean."
Miles-"Where are your friends"
Me-"I don't know"
Miles-"That sucks. Why don't you hang with us all night."
Me-"Sure"
And before I knew it I had met the rest of Miles' 7- 9 person group. Some one tells me, "we all go to Boulder in Colorado and we drove down for this." Which explained the really high college aged people I was talking to. Miles then asks my incoherent shell of a body. "Are you rolling?" I respond with โno, but Iโm tripping.โ Miles then offers me molly in a very large capsule with at least 4 points in it. And before I knew it, I had candy flipped, or done molly and acid at once. Avicii came on soon after that and I freaked the fuck out and threw my shirt, that I had walked in with, into the biomass of people. Miles soon started a dance circle. This is when I knew I was high. I am normally not as animated, but when it came my turn to enter the circle I WAS MOVING!!! Everyone's faces were twirling and I felt amazing as the world melted around me. Each new person that joined the circle made it bigger. Before I knew it 50 to 60 people were watching me dance, and by their reaction I was good. Within the hour Tiesto was on and I WAS PEAKING!!! I was wearing refractor glasses, peaking on acid, the crowd is going ABSOLUTLEY NUTS, and Miles is rubbing my scalp. If you have done acid or ecstasy at a rave you understand. My brain felt as if it had literally turned to mush. The light was burning a whole through my third eye as I rode lighting into a worm-hole. It was pretty fucking crazy. After I donโt even know how long, Tiesto was closing his set when one of Miles' friends say "Dillon Francis is starting soon we have to move." Each person grabbed the shoulder in front of them and we marched ourselves out of the crowd to another stage. We didn't walk a step. We danced all the way across the raceway to the other stage hugging and high fiving strangers all along the way. It was a wonderland of love and colors. Everyone was my favorite person on earth. We reach Dillon Francis and it is hopping. The graphics are trippy as fuck. One was Dillon Francisโ face photo shopped on a taco with cat legs. I was properly tripping face. Especially when this crazy sub heavy song came on. It was more sub heavy than the other songs, then it got crazier when it reversed at about half tempo. I lost it. All control of my body was gone, out the window. I COULD NOT MOVE! I was frozen and the only way I can describe the sensation was my soul was peeling away from my body. Miles' friend turns to me, keep in mind he is also very high, and says " Dude your tripping balls." I turn to formulate a sentence in response, and I just can't. Then it goes black.
I wake up on the floor of a hotel room. Miles and his friends are by the bathroom talking when it dawns on me. WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE???!!! Mind you I was still very high, but I regained some brain function. I ask Miles " Where are we." He responds with "Dude your at the MGM Grand." I retort with, โON THE STRIP?!โ. Miles simply nods up and down. The MGM Grand is 20-30 miles from the speedway where EDC is held. Miles' friend who had been leading us this whole time says "Zeds Dead is closing up today we got to go." So every one, including myself, take more molly and we head to the lobby where I expected a taxi or a shuttle to get us. Miles yells" Get in," as he holds open a limo door. The 9-10 of us pile in and we take more molly. The doses are still the same. By this point I have ingested at least 8 points of molly within a 6 hour period. This not including the possibility of me taking some in when I blacked out. We reach main stage where Zeds Dead closed day 2 of the festival as the sun rises over the desert horizon. It was the perfect moment. Miles and I look over at each other and he says "Sean, take care of yourself." I, a little choked up, say" Miles you too." We hugged and then the rest of the crew joined in. I told each of them I would remember them and I still do. Now came the next challenge.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE ZACH AND ISAAC???!!! Its 5am, the festival is done for the day, and I call Zach 6+ times with no answer. I call Isaac, no answer. My phones rings after about 30 minutes, and itโs Zach.
ME-"Zach where are you."
Zach-"I have no idea dude."
Me-"Any landmarks you can see."
Zach-"I don't know dude, just come get me."
Me-" I donโt know where you are. Meet me by the entrance we came in."
Zach-"I don't know where it is."
This went on for about an hour until I walked about 2 miles chafed like a mother fucker. I found Zach and he found me at one of the entrances after walking half the perimeter of the speedway. Still chafed. Half the problem solved. WHERE IS ISAAC?! I call Isaac. "Where are you Isaac." He responds with "Dude Iโve just been watching the roof of my car morf in and out of its self for the last 2 hours." "We are on our way," I announce. We walk to the car and we each look at each other and we are all thinking the same thing,โ what a night.โ Zach had spent his night in the stands watching Major Lazer and Isaac seemed so "what the fuck" I never heard his side of the story. I told them what happened to me and they were astonished, as was I.
We were debating whether or not to go back for the last night because we were so worn out. Then Zach got a call from his brother who he had not seen for a number of years. He was at EDC as well, and he wanted to meet up tonight. I was really happy for Zach, so I was in. Turns out, Zach's brother was staying at the MGM Grand. We enter the room and Zach's brother is DJing and there is liquor all over the counter and drugs sprawled out on the table. We chat for a bit and Zach's brother says drugs are on him tonight. So he gives us each 2 capsules of molly. Each about twice as big as the ones Miles had given me. We head to EDC for round 3!!!
Day 3 Oh Fuck, My Body-
Zach goes with his brother, Isaac wanders off, as do I. I'm standing there watching Knife Party raging my balls off when I feel a hand grab my shoulder and spin me around. Isaac had found me within thousands of people and stares me straight in the eyes. With a hand on each of my shoulders, he asks me with his pounding heart and eyes as black as the devil's soul "Are you rolling?" I simply respond "Fuck yes." And we start dancing our asses off. I had never danced so hard in my life.
I then realize Calvin Harris was starting soon. So Isaac and I wander to the water tent with plans to go see Calvin Harris, and I start coming down like a hammer. My body was so worn out form the previous night. The only way to stay up was to take the second capsule, so I did. We head to Calvin Harris and we are having a great time. Then I start to get fucked. Everything is wavering in and out. Things are wavering within an inch of my face to 10 feet away.. And itโs only getting faster and worse. The whole world is swirling, and Iโm not really sure where I am. I begin stumbling around. Trying to get a grip, I start leaning on people. My heart is racing, and I know for a fact that I am going to die. Moments later I fall on the ground. I donโt think Isaac had seen me fall because no one helped me up. I stand up and reach for Isaac, who appears to be miles away, when in actuality he is 2 feet away. I manage to get my feet solidly planted on the ground and my knees locked in place. I grab Isaacโs shoulder and asked him to carry me out of the crowd. I saw each personโs expression as Isaac carried me out, and by the expressions I knew it was in bad shape. We sat against the building where I had met Ian the first night. We watched the fireworks and waited for Zach to meet us. It was as if I had come full circle. Almost completely sober to โHoly fuck, am I dying?โ It was a strange feeling, even when I was high. Zach finally found us. Zach and Isaac carried me out of EDC to the car. The whole time I could only think about how great it was to have friends like Zach and Isaac.
We get in the car and my body feels like shit, but Iโm pretty sure Iโm going live. While in the car, the need to tell my mother came over me for some reason. Still high, I call my mom.
Me-"Before you freak out Iโm fine."
Mom-"Sean, what did you do this time."
Me-"I took a little too much ecstasy and Isaac carried me out."
Mom-"Let me tall to Zach."
Zach-"He's fine and we'll keep and eye on him."
Then she talks about taking me to the hospital blah blah blah. I never went to the hospital. We went to the hotel, chilled, and went home the next day. That was the greatest weekend of my life. Going crazy with Miles was a lot of fun and Iโll remember for the rest of my life, but the fact that my best friends potentially saved my life and/or a hospital visit made it the best weekend ever. Stay lit bitches.
twiitar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was 1997 and my parents and I went from Germany to the Netherlands to spend some time in Amsterdam and the surrounding areas.
When we went to Delft to look at the famous Delft porcellain and where it came from, we were driving close to a town canal (gracht) and tried to reverse near it to change directions as we had got lost. Suddenly a large, black limousine appears and almost pushes us into the town canal. Whoever drove it didn't came out to excuse himself and the windows were all blackened out.
Guess who performed in Amsterdam the day after? Michael Jackson.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I tried suicide many times and never told anything to my family. In 2009 I went to a slum here in Brazil and I bought a pistol for R$ 300,00 (U$ 130,00). I took a taxi with a very very young man. The taxi driver tried to talk with me, but I didn't say anything. Ten minutes after the last conversation, I picked up the gun, put in my head and pulled the trigger but somehow the pistol don't fired. The taxi driver looked at me scared, took the pistol of my hand and called the cops. After a brief talking with the cops, they left me go and I walked to my house. sorry for my english, I'm trying to be better.
Tomorrow can be better. You know it. The thought that it probably wont be is what tricks your mind into making it awful. nothing awaits you on the other side that is preferable to this it is no escape, it is resignation to worse things.You have the power to make it good. It is all in your head, the weights that hold you down. Think about what is stopping you from getting what you want in your soul. Thin about it, and decide if it is attainable in a good way. You may have to re-think your life standards. It is a process of growing, as a person. I know you have it in you to be happy, joyful, even. Pm me if you want, i've been there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:44:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much man, I really appreciate thaty apreciate that.
I moved to California when I was 18 years old, right after graduating from high school, to live with my "girlfriend" that I had known over the Internet for three years (and had met once before for two weeks).
I got about shot at by security guard in Cambodia when I was climbing over a hotel gate on the way out. I was high on rohypynol and dinintel and ketamine and had flipped out, hallucinated my friends had a cupboard full of automatic weapons (this was Cambodia in 1998, not entirely implausible) when in fact they were trying to offer me an umbrella.
Guard shot at me with his ak47, I fell and fucked my face up big time and then I went to a bar, where I preceded to tell everyone that one of the people I was drinking with had tried to kill me.
He was ex-ira living in Cambodia, running a security service, great guy but a bit scary, was less than impressed when I had to tell him that the whole town thought he had tried to kill me.
Aaaaah drugs.
Einstein knew his end approached. He offered no resistance.
He had seen his people oppressed, and he had seen them overcome. He had seen the germination of something truly beautiful.
When he was younger, he had pondered how men could be compelled to commit such horrific acts. Now he knew. He had stared into the inky blackness that resides in all men. That urge to defer to a louder voice. That part of man's subconscious that causes all men to walk in step with the beat of a drum. That weight that grips you in place in your seat when you know you should stand.
He had not mastered that impulse within himself. Looking upon that distilled hatred and cruelty afflicted him with nightmares every night. How could one regard it with a scientific air? No, it was something impossible to ignore; it had to be addressed, and it could not be addressed without it invading some part of his own psychology.
After decades of considering the question question, he developed an answer that seemed sufficient. There will always be men like that, who shout, who raise mobs. And to challenge men like that there must always be a protector, he reasoned. A champion. One in whom trust can be invested, who will never ever betray that trust. A paternal figure who always has our interests at heart, and who knows what is best for us even though we may not know it ourselves.
The nurse entered Einstein's hospital room and examined diagnostic tools to the side of the bed. She would see hardship and suffering. Perhaps more than most. But she would not suffer the same fate his people had. Measures... had been taken. She did not appreciate the measures that he had taken. He seized the nurse's arm.
In German, he asked her "Could you imagine a world without war? Could you imagine an end to the madness?" Her eyes, full of fear and trepidation, locked on his; she didn't speak German. Einstein barely knew who he spoke to though. The nurse's lower lip quivered. Einstein searched her eyes, but saw no understanding. He muttered 'Hail Hydra' and died.
Over my winter break, I had the opportunity to volunteer at a special needs orphanage in China. It was honestly one of the best experiences of my life, so far.
Time to give a little background info:
At the orphanage, the group I was involved with had two shifts with the kids. One was in the morning, where we spent time in a large room, akin to a cafeteria, to do arts and crafts, play music, and just have fun. After several hours of strenuous labor (those kids loved to run around, especially be on shoulders and be ninjas/army men), we were able to rest for a couple hours. Then we went into their homes for the afternoon. Their homes are similar to foster homes. There are around 10 children in a home, maybe more, and are ranged from infants to 14 years old and, I believe, they are placed in the home based on their disability.
I am currently engaged to a nine year old. He treated me as if I was his princess. There was this nine year old boy, with downs syndrome, who loved to act like a ninja, or something of that sort, and "attack" all the guys, even some girls, on my team with hand gestures. One of the days we had in the cafeteria style room, he started to attack me, which was fun. I would fall to the ground and pretend to be dead, then try to get up and he slashed at again. On that day I was wearing a shirt with realistic Mario, Peach, and Yoshi. I think that is where he came up with the notion that I was a princess. He stopped attacking me at that moment, grabbed my hand, and started to dance with me. Over the course of the next couple mornings, he would kneel down, grab my hand, and kissed it. After kissing it, he would say something, which went over my head since I only speak English, not Mandarin.
When he started treating me like a princess, around four other boys did the same thing. They would lead me around, take me to a chair, which they would pull out for me (how gentlemanly), and all that stuff. Apparently, one of the times this young boy knelt down to kiss my hand, he said "I love you" and put a little ring on my finger (it was a fuzzy pipe cleaner that was in the shape of a star). He kept this going for the rest of my time I was there. He was/is an awesome little guy. I hope I made his week like he did mine.
My next story tugs my heart every time: (he got jealous of my "fiancรฉ")
My little monkey, he was my ultimate little buddy while I was at the orphanage. It's hard to not grow attached to the children, but it cannot be helped.
I am unsure as to what the medical terminology for his condition is, there are two things, but I do know that it has to do with his heart.
On our first meeting, he proceeded to shoot me down with a Lego gun and showed how "strong" he was. So strong that he could "push me down", keep in mind that he is 6/7, and I am 18. Whenever my shirt would ride up, I would always have to pull it down, so after a couple times doing that, he started to pull it down for me. He was also the "hat police" as he called it, and took away my beanie, whenever I would be wearing it, but would always end up giving it back. He was a little sweetheart. Over the week he would always find me in the morning and grab my hands and either say: "shoulders", to be placed on my shoulders, or "monkey"! Monkey is when he would grab both of my hands, put his feet on my upper legs, walk up to my waist, and do a flip (thus why I call him my monkey). Even though there was a language barrier, except he spoke English exceptionally well, we were able to bond.
Go back to before I left for China:
I was at a grocery store by my house and found a small sock monkey keychain and felt the need to buy it and use it as a travel buddy, where I would take pictures of it in different locations of the world, which I did.
Now back to the trip: It was time to leave. The two amazing, eye-opening, marvelous weeks were over and I realized that I may never see any of these children again. Especially my little monkey. My monkey. I proceeded to find my purse, where the sock monkey was hooked on to, and wrote on the TY tag the name of my monkey. When I went on my final journey to the houses in the afternoon, I took the sock monkey with me. It was time to say goodbye. Our afternoon was completed and it was time for them to have their dinner. Our last day was done, would not see them again because we were leaving the next morning. I found my little friend, showed him pictures of the sock monkey on my phone, which he loved to look at, and then brought out the sock monkey from my pocket. I showed him the tag, which had his name on it, and asked him what it said. He said his name, and I said "yeah, it's yours. It's your buddy now".
I will never forget the smile on his face.
He was the sweetest little man. I really miss him. I hope that someday I can go back. I would love to return and help teach the children to learn English, or help them with Therapy.
I mainly hope they all find a loving and caring home because, well, they deserve it.
A few years ago, in high school, I was in a morning French final. This was the first day of finals right before Thanksgiving break, and we were all ready for a half week of test taking before being able to go out on break. About halfway through the test, another teacher walked into the room and says 'The school is in a lockdown now, just stay in the room until we say otherwise.' We ended up finishing the final and sitting in the room for another little while, until a different teacher came in and escorted us out... the back way. Eventually we got to the gym, just to be immediately relocated to a few classrooms and we had to stay there for another half hour or so.
Well, eventually we got sent home, at about 12 or so, meaning we missed our other two tests scheduled for that day, which was great. That night, we were all expecting to just go back to school and have to find a time to retake the tests for that Monday, but started to snow a few feet of snow and cancel school for the rest of the week. Which was great.
Turns out, on that Monday morning, some guy in who lived in an apartment across the street had AXE-MURDERED someone on the street right in front of our school, and some middle schoolers were right there watching. The gym that we were sent to had a gas leak, and that was the most snow our city had gotten in years, or would get for years.
I aced that damned French final.
I used to work in a bakery/deli in the local grocery store. Things were relatively cheap on the deli side so we used to get a lot of business during lunchtime and when kids got out school(close to the local school system).
One day towards the end of my shift I notice these two kids counting change and by the looks of it just got out of school(backpacks etc.) They come up and ask how much a corn dog is for 2. I tell them the price and they say "oh...okay". Doesn't really bother me very much until I go out to grab and signs and put them away when I notice the two kids counting the change and saying they only have enough for 1 corn dog. One of them suggests that they just get a pop instead but the other one says that they don't know if they have food in the house when they get home. I didn't see them again after that for a while until one day they come in and order a corn dog while the other one grabs a dollar pop. I didn't even think about it but I gave them 3 corn dogs for the price of 1. They came back immediately to thank me profusely and I just denied everything and told them to have a nice day with a smile on my face. Not even 30 minutes later this lady comes in and asks to order a corn dog and a side of Jo's. I look behind her and it's the two kids looking embarrassed and obviously upset(one of them had been crying). I don't say anything and get her items charging her regular price. What followed was a full mental breakdown because apparently I was supposed to just "give" her the food for free because I did it for the two kids. I explained that I had no idea what she was talking about and I was calling security. The boys were just openly crying after this and then it hit me. This bitch wanted free food because I gave her boys a handout a few minutes earlier. Looking at her compared to them they were just both really really skinny and she was obviously eating well and hell of a lot better dressed then they were(their clothes were to small etc.)
She ended up bitching some more when I just walked away and she got escorted out. I seen the two kids again later on but they never came to the bakery again. I did end up buying them two donuts one time later on and they were thankful but still obviously very embarrassed. I haven't seen them since but I've seen the mother and she's skinny now but I guess really into drugs. I hope her kids are okay :(
[The tale of how slashtooth learned Santa did not exist]
In my family, we celebrate an annual tradition that occurs around December 13. I can't remember the precise name of it, but what happens is something sort of like Christmas. We lay out our shoes near the front door and wait overnight and then "Santa" drops candy and all sorts of goodies into the shoes.
This occured during the time I was 6, so I was all up for Santa. I wanted to see him and everything, Christmas or not. I had a secret mission to stay up and see him.
About 15 minutes after I was sure everyone was asleep, I started thinking. How was I going to stay occupied for the night? I decided to eat something, so I made a sandwich.
Back then a sandwich to me was two loaves of bread and some chips in the middle. As I ate the sandwich, I made a lot of ruckus with all the cracking of the chips and stuff. My dad woke up and came to the kitchen. There were no lights on so he couldn't see me at all. I just stood still like a deer while he passed me. I swear he was less then half a foot away from me as he passed.
I decided that if I wanted to stay up, I would have to be more careful to not get caught. I snuck back to my room and hung out there. About half an hour later I heard some noise. Apparently my mom had a couple of bags of candy in her hand. Where was she headed? Our shoes.
I put two and two together and faced the fact that Santa did not exist. Luckily, though, my mom put a King-Sized Hershey's Bar in the bag.
In Thailand I once bought a prostitute for a night (20usd) to go clubbing with me, just so she would get my friends and I drinks. When she started cock blocking me I hired another girl for the night to hit on her to distract her. In the midst of the night I shuttled them to the hotel room and said have fun, I will be back. Went to the hotel bar and ended up having the waitresses want to come back to our room. By this time it was daylight and I forgot about the girls, needless to say we walked in on two Thai prostitutes passed out naked on the bed, the waitresses darted.
Nothing grand. I think I told someone this one before.
I knew this guy, my grand pa's neighbor, he was a pretty big dude. And being a bit of a fatty, like myself, we really hate the heat.
He was an older guy, poor health, all the ailments of being severely obese. The guy bought a vault in a mausoleum, because it was air conditioned.
He told his wife, that he hated the heat so much, that he was making sure he would stay "cool" after he died.
And in fact, Die, he did. He passed away, and in preparation for his funeral, it was discovered that he was in too large to fit in one of those wall vault crypts in the mausoleum.
His wife had him cremated.
TL;DR: Overweight man, always bothered by the heat, buys a spot in air conditioned mausoleum. Man dies, is too large to fit into his air conditioned vault. Wife has him cremated
My ex gf was at her college while I was at mine and at some point while we were talking on the phone while I was playing Skyrim I got eaten by a dragon and went ahead and let her know that if you stand if front of a dragon in skyrim you're gonna have a bad time. Some weeks later she wandered down the hall and into a friend guy's dorm room to find him playing Skyrim and fighting a dragon, she calmly informed him that he shouldn't stand in front of said dragon, advice which he ignored, and 10 seconds later he was eaten by the dragon. He and his friends all turned to look at her in awe and she just shrugged and walked out. I'd like to think it went exactly as I've described it which makes it an awesome story.
We have a windowless bathroom right next to the entrance to our house, so we usually wash our hands in the dark there once we get home. One time I washed my hands there, I went upstairs, and I heard my mom scream. I went back downstairs to see what was up and saw her holding up the hand towel we use in that bathroom. I had a HUGE poo streak on it; my five year-old sister had wiped her butt with the towel we all use. She had apparently been doing this for a while.
the time the stripper(apperantly a hooker) pulled a gun
the time i got an amtrac train pulled over with a Vietnam AND an Iraqi war vet
the time i got asked to never come back to fiji
go...
edit: these are my best stories, and im too drunk, its mothers day and i have to got to sleep to spend the rest of (its 3:44AM) the day with her. starting at 8:00 am sigh... let me know if you want to hear one of the many best times of my life
What was the last thing you heard a dying person say?
"But it's your birthday."
My cousin turned 30 on December 30 of 3013 and my aunt, who had inclusion body miositis, had arrange this huge party for her. But my aunt was having trouble breathing and it was just bad. My cousin asked her if she needed to go home to get hooked up to her equipment that helped her breath and she said, with tears, "but it's your birthday." My cousin told her that it didn't matter, what mattered was that she could breathe. I couldn't hear what was said next but they left. I didn't see her again because I left the next morning. She died 1/1/14.
Or: what was the last thing you said to a person before they died:
"Want me to take her?"
My aunt had a dog on her lap and it was wiggling and since she couldn't move much, I asked if she wanted me to take her. That was it. So yeah.
I haven't been able to tell anyone close to me for the fear of judgement of me or my friends. My boyfriends best friend just got charged with a kilo of coke, weapons and a ton of cash. I'm best friends with his wife and it was all kept a complete secret from me and partially from my boyfriend. It's been devastating because they're both looking at serious jail time. I'm having coffee with her on Tuesday but I'm not sure what to say. This issue is far from over, I just don't know how to go with our friendship after this.
Using a throwaway for this, just coz its soo embarrassing..
This is probably going to be buried, but here goes:
I was 7 or 8 years old and had a friend (girl). For some reason I was always curious about the human body and I remember asking her to come with me to the toilet. She did. I asked her to take her clothes off. I did too. And then we agreed that I should stick my penis in her vagina, coz for some reason it seemed like the only logical thing to do.
Just when I was about to, my mom came in and gave us a long lecture on what we were doing was wrong and we should never do it again.
23 now, still a virgin. Thanks mom! Happy mothers day!
Hmm, well reddit, I have one for you. I was in a relationship with this girl for a long while. We lived together and all, and after living with someone, you learn things about them. For instance, my ex had incontinence issues. She was always into being healthy and often opted to take more natural things, like herbal supplements, rather than I guess laboratory made drugs/medicines. She also had recently begun living as a vegan around the time this story took place.
One morning, on the weekend when neither of us had class or work, I woke horny. For those of you unaware, there is a phenomenon that happens to males called morning wood. Which is where you wake up with an erection. I figured we would start the day off on the right note and decided to initiate morning sex. It really is the best way to start the day. So after we got started I rolled over onto my back and pulled her on top to finish us off. Once done she got up to use the bathroom, and I layed there enjoying the pos-coitus glow. And that's when I noticed it.
There was something on my testicles. I had never seen anything like it before. It was mushy, and an odd shade of green. I was dumbfounded. My imediate thought was "something is wrong with your vagina" and I became very concerned for her health (and I will admit, mine too). So I immediately got up to inform her of the situation. I went into the bathroom, where she was sitting on the toilet and with a terrified look on my face asked her what this was and expressed my concern. She started laughing hysterically. I was very confused. How could she laugh at a moment like this?
Unbeknownst to me, she had taken some herbal supplements for her incontinence the night before. When I asked what she was laughing at, she proceeded to show me the contents of the toilet bowl. In it, was an unholy pile of that same green mush that now covered my testicles. My concern turned to shock. Apparently during her climax muscles spasmed and she (hopefully) accidentally squeezed some poop out onto my balls.
She continued to laugh as I tore into the shower, gagging and dry heaving, as I washed myself with a vigor I never knew I had. Once it was all said and done, I found the whole situation very funny actually. We even made a kinda running joke/pet name to match one that I'd given he rto tease her for an event that had happened sometime before (a story for another time perhaps). These names consisted of our first names followed by "peepants" for her, and "pooballs" for yours truly.
TL;DR: My ex-girlfriend shit on my balls once during sex.
danaa_r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you guys want anything from tims
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to sell this really funky, upscale chair that came into my life. It was suede purple with a ton of character. Anyways my cat was ruining it fast so I decided to sell it on eBay. To entice buyers and build some hype i decided to embellish a little bit in regards to how it came into my possession. I wrote a very realistic story about how two old ladies having a garage sale spotted me, called me over, knew my name and told me the chair had been waiting for me for a long time. They were able to tell me things about my life they could have no way of knowing blah blah. Sold it though( the story). Ok so I post it and within 1 day a local news reporter pm's me asking for a number so she can talk to me about it. I reluctantly gave it to her and she called me. I had to fumble through the story again, the whole time feeling really guilty & shitty bc she was pretty zealous about doing a story on it. Eventually I just declined and said I "didn't want to make a mockery of such a special chair." She was bummed but gave up. A month later my cat hans D had ravaged that chair. Ended up tossing it. It was a good chair.
Back in February of 2008 a friend and I were traveling around Europe. We spent most of time on trains and didn't have any sort of plan as where to visit. So we pull into Prague, we are the last train of the night and the station is deserted. With the exception of interesting individual waiting outside. He walks up us and says that he has a hostel for us. He then proceeds to hand us a business card describing all of the great things about his hostel. Apparently it had wi-fi, clean rooms, breakfast, a bar....the list went on and on. All for the low, low price of only 10 euro a night. An excellent rate, good amenities; just how could you go wrong? The thing was the vibe we were getting off this guy was creepy beyond belief. I felt like if we went with him, we'd probably end up in some sex dungeon.
So we decide to push on into the city, where there were more people. We thought about asking a hotel clerk, or maybe just finding one ourselves. Then as we're looking at a map of the city trying to orient ourselves; an old woman walks up to us and in some very broken english says "Looking for accommodation?" We couldn't believe what we were hearing. So we took her up on her offer but we prepared to bolt and run if necessary.
So she leads us through the streets, down an alley way, zigzagging between buildings, and through an empty market to finally the doorsteps of her apartment. At this point we are so lost I wouldn't have any idea of how to get back to the main part of the city if I needed to. Then we enter, it turns out it's a nice apartment that the woman had turned a couple of vacant rooms into suites for guests to stay in. It was warm, cozy, and most of all safe. A situation that could have turned out very badly, ended up being one of the highlights of that part of the trip.
I participated in the filming of the music video of a terrible national pop singer. I got invited to work 2 days as the second cameraman's assistant. I said sure, 2 days, free hotel, free food, and 2000 localcoins for being the least required assistant ever. To end of the first day, I was used more as a "sit-in" than on the camera job. They used me to focus everything, callibrate lights, before they asked the great diva to stand in and get filmed. Anyway, the director suddenly tells me they need an extra and that I can do it. I say sure, why not. So they give me the singers wet (because las scene was under the rain) clothes, I put them on and they proceed to film me smiling while I hug the main actress. That was it. At the time, I didn't really question the plot of that video. But when I watched it... God, why do I appear there? I mean, what is the storywise purpose? Completely unknown. Had a great time being a popstar, though.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:52:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I met this girl one day at the mall... I wasn't particularly looking for women to fuck that day, but, apparently I found one.. and she was hot. So what had happened was, I bumped into her on accident and I had met her previously at my friends house and we started talking, one thing lead to another and I scored her number and I was bold enough to even ask her out on a date after I got it... She said yes. So that night I take her out, I woo her and so on and try and strut my shit like captain awesome of the fuckhrondolonic kronic ship and shit .... It all works... It worked... ... So after the date we get back to her house, I drop her off and walk her to her apartment and I instantly ask her if I could kiss 'her' and she looks and just goes at it with me ... Starts unbuttoning my shirt, pants and drags me in the house and we fuck. After we're done having sex, she starts massaging my penis and rubbing my balls for a while, like I earned a reward. So Im all for it and this goes on FOR HOURS, it got weird after I watched a show or two and we had conversation while she was doing it... So she finally gets done after a long time and I ask her "why did you enjoy doing that so much?" she looks at me... Real deep in the eyes and goes "I miss mine"
Rajumat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once broke my ankle during play rehearsal while wearing police issue handcuffs.
Also the first time I performed onstage I was mime murdered and raped. Yes, in that order.
In high school, Fooling around with my girl friend at the time in the down stairs living room of her house, she was done going down on me and decided to spit it out into a subway wrapper that we had lying around from dinner earlier. Her mom comes home a little later (she was a nurse), she walks downstairs while we're still hanging out and starts going off on my girlfriend for it being messy. So she's going off about shit and picks up the subway wrapper and in the middle of her bitching she says something like "...ugh! and there's sandwich juice all over my hand!"
Neither of us broke character and she never found out...
But we all know that wasn't sandwich juice :/
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a multi-episodic tale of woe-and-misery being related to someone who is a legitimate crazy person, so please read at your own risk. It gets very profane sometimes as it is impossible for me to talk about her without cursing.
I had to guess at a lot of things, and some things I donโt even know if I remembered correctly, there was a lot of confusion and introversion during some of the worst parts, so itโs possible some things my mind fabricated. I donโt know for sure. I doubt I ever will. I would like to have as complete a picture of her life as I can.
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 1, Some History and The First "Break"
I am not schizophrenic myself(I am bipolar though) but my mother was. Experiencing that growing up is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. Eventually her mental illness led to hear premature death, so let my tale be a lesson of caution. Also, buckle the fuck up as this is going to be both long as fuck and depressing as hell. I will try my best to explain the timeline of my motherโs life and the experiences that I know of, but so much is unknown as the only person to experience them was her, and as is with schizophrenics, it is not easy to take what they say as having happened.
My mother was born in 1961, I am not sure exactly where, but most of her childhood she lived in Moses Lake, Washington. The place is mostly a shithole, but getting better. She was the middle child of 5, her siblings were her sister, Joan, 10 years her senior, her older brother, Danny then she, and her two younger brothers, Dave, and Matthew. Matthew is 10 years younger than her. So she has siblings with age ranges spanning three decades.
She was fairly close to her siblings, especially her older brother; she was the life of the family. She had a quick wit and an amazing sense of humor. She was always causing trouble and being the middle child she kind of โbridged the gapโ between the two sets of older siblings. She started smoking at an incredibly early age, I remember one time she told me when she was in middle school her mom, my grandmother, would give her notes to buy cigarettes from the gas station down the road and they would sell to her, then she would deliver them. Eventually my mom started forging the notes for herself.
She and her older sister did not get along very well. This is all alleged, as I have only heard it from her directly, and not my Aunt, but both Joan and her mom would harass her, and manipulate her. Once again, I honestly donโt believe this, as these two women are some of the kindest, most wonderful people that I know, but people change over the span of +40 years. I donโt know, that is for certain, all I can go off of is what she told me.
This most likely lead to her first major โbreakโ.
She was 16 when she ran away from home for a year. Nobody knew what happened to her and she never, ever, spoke to anyone about what happened during that timeโฆ Except for me, her son. One day when we were speaking, and she was having a livid moment, she told me how when she was 16 she ran away from home to Portland and got pregnant. She ended up having a fucking back alley abortion. She wanted to tell me more, but Iโฆ I couldnโt hear it. I stopped talking to her.
When she came back, she acted as if nothing had happened at all. Life resumed as normal and she even went to college and got a degree in nutrition. My mother, was gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. A dark hair, fair skinned beauty, with hazelnut eyes, that had the most amazing smile and miraculous laugh. She could fill a room with laughter and was the center of attention wherever we went, and not for negative reasons, at least not yet.
She met my father through her brother, David, who was roommates with my dad in University. They started dating and were married not long after college. The two of them spent, oh, I think about 7 years together, doing fun things. My dad and her were Park Rangers in the forest service, my father graduating with a Major in Education and a Minor in geology. They would spend months in the wilderness with the most advanced piece of technology they had was a HAM Radio so they would call in reports to the ranger station as they kept their eyes out for forest fires and other wilderness hazards. They were very happy, or so I heard, but eventually the wild life ended and they settled down to have a family.
My dad got a job as a teacher at a high school, my mom worked part time at nutrition shops and other miscellaneous jobs until I was born in 1987. She was 26, the same age I am now. Huh. I didnโt know that until just now. Funny.โ
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 2, The Scarring of a Child, and The Second โBreakโ
This next part is a bit confusing. I will tell what I remember(after years of therapy) and then try and explain what happened afterward.
I was 3 or 4(I think) and daddy was gone. Mommy was living in a strange house with a strange man I didnโt know. I didnโt like the house. There were โMr. Yuckโ stickers all over the place and mommy had said those were bad and to stay away from them. I remember a backyard with a large tree in it with a swing. The grass was really bad and I stepped on a pokey weed one time. The thing I remember most, though, and I still get nightmares of this occasionally, I was scared. I wanted mommy and daddy, I wanted them so badly, I was screaming in a completely unfamiliar place, calling her name but she wouldnโt come. It was so dark in my room. I couldnโt see anything except a sliver of light from the doorframe. I pounded on the door for what felt like hours, and desperately groped in the darkness for the light switch, but I was too small to reach it. I donโt remember if she ever came, of if I finally fell asleep. That is all I remember from this time, and I had forgotten about it for many years. I learned, and not very long ago, what exactly had happened from my father.
My parentsโ marriage was not going so great. My dad had gone back to school to get a Masterโs degree in Technology and Education, he was either working, teaching teenagers science, or studying and in class. My mother was left taking care of a newborn baby girl and a 3 yr old who threw temper tantrums fairly frequently. I donโt know exactly when it happened, but at one point my mother and father โseparatedโ. They werenโt divorced; they were still married, just not living together. My mom moved into, literally, โsome guyโ she met house. My dad has no idea how she met him, and he ended up supporting her household and his household for the entire time they were separated. My mother told my father that they both had jobs, and they were both working and he was just helping a little to pay for my sister and I. This separation lasted for nine months, had no idea it was so long. I was too young, I got to see my dad occasionally, but mostly it was the unfamiliar house with the man who wasnโt my daddy.
This was the โsecond breakโ, the first being when she was 16, this one being when she was around 30. Eventually she came back to my father, and she begged him to take her back. His family protested him doing so, as nobody had any idea what she was doing while living with the guy, and was completely unreasonable during this whole time. My dad agrees to take her back though, and we moved back home.
A few months later my dad started getting bills from credit card companies. Bills in excess of $20,000. He has no idea where they are coming from but they have my moms, and his, name on them. This is where confession time happened. Apparently my mother and they โguyโ she was living with, hadnโt been working like she said they were. Instead, they would fill out mail in credit card application you would get from junk mail and newspapers and what-not, would get the credit card a few weeks later, would max it out and then throw it away and apply for another one. All of this under my fatherโs name. As they were still married during this time, well, whatโs yours is mine and mine is yours, which includes debt. My dad, now on top of his tuition loans, and house payments, and car payments, was now on the hook for over 20 grand. He tried to reason with the credit card companies, but no. No such luck. Years later he would still get calls from creditors and eventually filed for bankruptcy. We were not wealthy people, and this made a shit situation 10x worse.
My father was tempted at this point to kick her out on the streets and divorce her, but he did love her, and he loved us, and he did say he would take her back, and so he did. But he swore to her that if she ever did anything even remotely like this again, there would be no second chances.
We got threw it, eventually, my mom worked odd job, would quit every summer to take care of my sister and I. Things were โnormal~ishโ although my parents argued about money a lot. Overall not too bad of a home life.
Actually that is a fucking lie. My mom was amazing. She was god damn Super Mom. She was in the PTA, she was coach of my swim team, she was coach of my sisters soccer team, she would make amazing homemade lunches we would take to school, she was kind, and loving, and fucking amazing. This lasted until I was about, oh, in 4th grade, when I was diagnosed with an incredibly rare(for someone my age) heart condition. Right-atrial multifocal arrhythmia tachycardia I think is what it was called then. Iโm doing okay now, and after 3 heart surgeries, and years of medication it is now just multifocal atrial fibrillation/tachycardia. I can never get it straight when I speak to a cardiologist. But I am fine. Heart doesnโt bother me often. Can even exercise without much problem.โ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 3, Things go Downhill and She Ruins a Family Vacation
This put a huge strain on my family, both emotionally and financially, and I was not the easiest kid to deal with. I had attention issues, I had self-esteem issues, I had authority issues, I failed every class I was in, and I excelled at nothing except playing Sega Genesis. My once amazing super-mom was slowly starting to crack. She demanded she get a face lift and my dad pay for it. He had graduated and was now a tech admin for a school district, so we had some good money. We had stopped renting and actually owned a house. A fixer-upper, of which my parents did amazing work on, more the doubled the value of the home. But it all started with the face lift. She viewed herself as โuncleanโ and things had to be spotless. She would scrub the shit out of things, always cleaning. Incessant about it, obsessive compulsive I would later learn. She would pick and scrub at every blemish she had, she would over-do it on makeup, was absolutely obsessed with her physical appearance. Eventually she wanted a boob job. Dad paid for it, although it was completely unnecessary, next came the tummy tuck, also unnecessary, she was a nutritionist for Christ sake! Crazy healthy, and active, and justโฆ Beautiful! But not perfect enough.
Things begun to go downhill rapidly when I hit middle school. My dad shielded my sister and I from most of what happened, but here are some things that I have learned. She would change her hair style every year. It would be short one year, then long the next(she would have my dad get her hair extensions), then she would dye it black as night, then auburn, then she would have a pixie cut. And not just herself, the house too. We would rearrange the furniture in the entire house every 6 months. She would reupholster the couch in a different pattern, she would repaint the living room and dining room, she would throw out last yearโs stuff and make my dad buy all new stuff.
At this point, you might be asking, โWhy was my dad letting her get away with this?โ Well, truth is, he was kind of a workaholic. He would work, every day, from 5AM-5PM, on call 24/7, and have weekly meetings that would keep him until as late as 9PM, and monthly meetings as late as 1AM or later. If something computer related went wrong in the entire school district it was my dad who got the first call, and was first on the scene. He was making a lot of money, and loved his job, but we rarely ever saw him, and when things between he and my mom werenโt going so well, he would throw money at the problem.
It all culminated one summer near the end of 7th grade. This is when the โfinal breakโ happened.
I have written at length about what happened that day from my perspective in other subreddits, and if you want to read it you are welcome to, but for now I will summarize, and also give perspective from other people who I have spoken to about the event.
My dad first noticed things were getting really bad when my mom suddenly had a whole group of new, and much younger, โfriendsโ that he had never met. Some of them still teenagers, at least one of them still being in high school. My mom is almost 40 at this point. She would spend waaay more money that was typical, and go on โtripsโ with her โnew friendsโ for days at a time. Never telling anyone what they were doing or where they were going. We were getting ready to go on our yearly extended family(meaning cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, even second cousins) camping trip for two weeks near Winthrop, Washington. This was a yearly thing, as I said, and we had been doing itโฆ Shit I donโt even know. I think before even I was born my extended family would go to this place; my parents, sister, and I didnโt always go, as things were rough money-wise for a while, but as soon as we could afford it, we went every year.
Well, all of a sudden my mother refuses to go. She says that she has โplansโ with her new friends to do something at the same time, and she wasnโt going to go. This was all last minute, but the warning flags were already going up for my father. I donโt remember any of this as my dad kept my sister and I out of it and from noticing it. When we got back, my dad found his bank account drained, and he knew exactly what was happening again. The same thing that had happened nearly a decade prior and he was not going to let it happen again. He immediately cancelled all of his account, took her name off of everything while she was gone. You might thing he over reacted, but knowing what happened next, it saved him a lot of trouble, and a lot of debt.
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 4, Mom Does ALL the Drugs
This next part I heard from my uncle, Matthew, her youngest brother. She practically raised him as both of their parents worked full time and she was a decade his senior. My dad alerted her family that things were happening again like before, and they all rushed to try and help her. She burned every. Single. Bridge she had with her siblings. It took years to do so, and I will get more into that later. Matthew was the first to try and help. Matthew talked to her, and got her to explain a bit about what she was doing with her new friends.
It was drugs. Lots, and lots, of drugs. Meth, Cocaine, Weed, and so much alcohol. Those are the only ones I know about, but she has probably done every one you can list, those were just the ones she โabusedโ. He tried to help her, but she refused to be helped. She ended up, and this is just alleged, as no one can confirm this, it is just a suspicion, sleeping with the fucking teenaged kid she was hanging out with. Who also just so happened to be her dealer. Matthew tried to get her help, and solicited the help of his siblings and parents, they all tried to help her but she turned her back on them every single time they tried. Would come up with lies, at least they were lies to us, but looking back we are pretty sure they were delusions instead, say things like my grandmother and her sister hated her and were trying to destroy her life, and corrupt my sister, and whore her out, just, awful things.
It all came crashing into my life one summerโs morning. The previous night my parents were arguing, as usual, about money. My mom had just bought a $2,000 china set(we already had a great china set), and this was the last straw from my father. He was no longer going to be giving her any money until she could get her spending under control, and begged her to talk to him and try and work through the problem. Things started to get waaay too heated for my sister and I to be around, so my dad called up some of our friendsโ parents and they picked us up, and we stayed at their places that night.
I heard later, from my dad, a fewโฆ Choiceโฆ Thingsโฆ That happened between the two of them. The mildest of which being the police were called, by her, on my dad. She claimed he raped and abused her, that he was also doing these things to me and my sister, luckily my dad actually knew the officers that were called, him being a semi-public figure, and they didnโt believe her story, luckily. They left and my dad tried to get her to calm, down, and at one point he asks her, โJust, tell me how you feel?โ and she replied, โYou want to know how I feel? LIKE THIS!โ and she pulled her pants down, and shit on the kitchen floor.
At this point, my dad could no longer deal with her. So he called up one of her friends that he knew, who just so happened to be my best friends mom(wonderful woman), and she came a picked her up.
This next part I heard from Friends Mom(FM). FM picked her up, it was pretty late at this point, and she was doing this as a friend, helping a friend who was going through marital problems. She was sympathetic and tried talking to my mom. FM and my mom got less than 5 miles away from our house, when FM kicked her out of the car. FM canโt even remember exactly what she said, it was so shocking and horrifying, but it mortified her, and she kicked her to the fucking curb by the side of the freeway.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 5, The Third "Break"
That was the last anyone heard from her until the following morning, where she arrived at the home where my sister was staying. This next part I heard from her(also fairly recently).
Sis was woken up by Sisters Friends Mom(SFM) at something like the asscrack of dawn. SFM was saying that her mom was here to pick her up, and that she had to go now. Sis didnโt want to as it was early as hell. Sis later heard this from her friend and SFM, and some from our mom herself years later. Apparently, our mother had shown up, dropped off by some random person, she then pounded on the door until SFM came in. Mom told her that SFM needed to take her to get me, and they were all going to drive to Hollywood and we were going to become famous movie stars. SFM tried to calm her down, and mom is trying to get her to hurry up, but SFM canโt exactly as she has like 5 or 6 kids, some of which are really little. My mother then begins grabbing her hair extensions and ripping them out screaming that she can hear the voices of the dead women who used to own the hair. While there, at SFMโs house, she ripped out their dining room chandelier, right out of the fucking ceiling, smashing it into the kitchen table. She also grabbed a knife from the butchers block, and threated to murder SFM and all of her children if SFM didnโt drive her to pick me up, and then drive us to Hollywood. SFMโs husband is at work, this is before cell phones, and mom is guarding the house phone with a knife.
SFM gets her family up, and herds them into their van. SFM keeps mom talking and distracted and just tells her what she wants to hear as she is clearly dealing with a crazy person. She drives to where I am staying at my friendsโ house and that is where my story comes in.
That fateful day, which has fucked me up for my entire life, I will never forget it. Yet, there are parts that I can't remember, because they are far too painful. It's a weird sensation, being unable to forget the feeling of what happened, even if I can't remember the exact details of what happened.
I was beyond terrified, and confused, and angry, and so very, very, very scared.
I had had a good time with my friend and the next morning I call dad to have him come pick me up, I step outside less than a minute later and there you were. You hopped out of SFMโs van and came walking up to the front porch. My friendsโ mom is at work, it's just him and I, 11 and 12 year old kids, but we were good kids.
I see my sister literally thrown out of the back door of the van as it speeds off. She is in hysterics. Crying silently, a glazed expression over her face. I am surprised to see her but I turn to you and say. "Wow that was fast. I just called dad a minute ago." The pleasant expression on your face changes drastically to one of anger. "Dad... Is coming... here?!" You exclaim, in a way that I had never seen before.
My friend and I are puzzled as you storm inside the house. I turn to my friend, tell him to wait here and look after my sister, as I was going to try and "solve" this problem. Even at that age I was a "take charge" kinda person. When shit hit the fan, I kept a level head and figured out and did what needed to be done.
I walk inside and you are just getting off the phone. I ask you what is going on and you say you have called the police on dad. I am completely taken back, but I keep my cool. I ask her what is going on, and then here... Here is where my memory begins to fade as I have blocked most of this part. But from what I can remember it went something like this.
I don't know how, and I don't know why, but you change the subject, saying something along the lines of, "I know you have always wanted me." as a 12 year old kid who has just barely discovered masturbation and porn this is quite the shocking thing to hear from your mother. You opened your jacket and "bared your breasts" at me, in a "seductive" "come hither" look. It is at this point that my brain shuts down. I leave. I walk outside, probably looking like all the blood has been drained from my face. My friend is confused, sister is sobbing and unresponsive, but we stay outside and you stay inside.
Momentโs later dad shows up, he sees me, and sister, and my friend and then you come outside with fire in your eyes. The look of dread and understanding on his face is palpable. You go off on the most insane rant I have ever heard while dad tries to calm you down. Sister is still sobbing, friend is even more confused, and I have begun to tune everything out, I am brain dead.
At this point the cops showed up, and glee flickers on your face and you rush to them and begin to craft a hastily put together sob story of how dad raped and abused you and me and my sister. Dad is patient, apologetic, and concise when refuting your story and telling the truth of what is going on. Whereas you are screaming profanities, in hysterics, going between fuming rage and sobbing victim. After about 10 minutes of this and it seems like the police might believe your story the point comes across that this isn't even our house. It is from here that they get a highly censored version of my story, sister is unable to speak, and dad remains calm, but highly embarrassed through this whole thing.
Eventually the police take you away and that was when I realized that you were gone. From that moment on, the person inside you was dead. Your soul... Was gone. Your body kept moving though, and kept hurting me over, and over, and over again.
Extremely traumatic doesnโt even fucking cover it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 8, Things Get Worse, and I Try to Kill Myself
I didnโt take much with me, a bit of clothes, my computer, and that is about it. At the time I was going to school sporadically, I was failing most of my classes, too distracted and depressed to handle my life no romantic prospects of any kind, and being around my poisonous mom wasnโt helping in the slightest. I woke up one morning; spent several hours in my room on my computer before going into the kitchen to get some food. My mom usually just passed out on the living room couch watching the history channel. I walk out there, and she is still asleep, but wakes up when she hears me come in. She sits, up wishes me good morning, and then grabs her anti-psychotic meds pops them, and washes them down with a straight-from-the-bottle swig of vodka that was next to the table.
She was at least courteous to not smoke pot when I was in the room, as I didnโt want her doing the stuff, but I always knew when she was. Canโt cover that shit up. I would try talking to her every day, try to get her to turn her live around, or at least try and live a little better.
Earlier I mentioned how beautiful my mother was. Well, not anymore. I have never seen someone โlet themselves goโ as badly as my mom did. She ballooned up to OBESE weight, she was short too, maybe 5โ2โ โ 5โ5โ, had cut off all her hair, wore nothing but sweatpants, I doubt anything else would fit her. Hormonal issues caused her to start growing hair all over the place, moustache, hairy arms, sideburns I think too. She didnโt care. It was awful to see her. She also never took care of any hygiene. Yellow stains on her crotch and pits, just an awful odor emanated from her. She also chain smoked as well, so yellowed teeth on top of it all.
I had never spent so much time with her since I was nearly a boy, and I knew that things were bad, but being in such close proximity with her was excruciating. Nothing I was doing was helping her, and I felt responsible for every single horrible thing she had been putting herself through. I felt hopeless, the daily discussions about God and her โspiritual battleโ, being angry and sad after every conversation. The absolute worst part was the moments where she was lucid.
Every once in a while, when she was sober enough, and her meds were in full effect, and the planets had aligned juuuust right she would be a shadow of her former self. We would have a semi-normal conversation, we would talk about school, and she would lecture me about skipping classes, and try and talk me into going to college, and saying that I have so much potential and that I needed to believe in myself.
SHE would actually act like a parent, my mom. And I would think to myself, โMaybe, just maybe, she is getting better. Maybe she is coming back. Maybe all of my hard work in trying to help her is paying off!โ
But no.
No it wasnโt.
It would last a short while. Maybe a few hours, maybe a few days, never for long though. She would go back to spouting insanity about God and Satan and George Bush and Osama Bin Laden. Talk about how the devil was on her doorstep, and that I couldnโt trust the mailman as he was a demon. That the police were agents of the devil and were trying to stop her from helping the angels. That I was in great danger, and she was trying to prepare me for the future, when judgment day happened, or whatever. There was no line between fantasy and reality in her head. I am pretty sure most of her delusions came from watching TV and movies, as what I just said sounds like the plot of Terminator 2. I spent three months living with her before things got so bad I couldnโt handle it anymore and I tried to take my own life.
I chickened out at the last moment. Couldnโt go through with it, luckily, but after that I knew I couldnโt live with her anymore. I called my dad, apologized, and moved back in with him. He was understanding and helped me to try and deal with some of her bullshit, but I just couldnโt get over it. Her craziness seem to linger with me, surrounded me like an inescapable cloud. I tried to pull myself out of my depression but I couldnโt. I ended up transferring to four different schools in as many years, never graduated high school. It took too more suicide attempts before my dad found out, as the last one required a hospital visit.
My dad had already been trying to help me, I had been on anti-depressants and in therapy, and alternative schools to try and get through everything. Nothing was working.
My mom was in-and-out of my life at that point. My stay with her made me realize I could never help her, and so I stopped trying. For the most part I severed all contact from her. We would still talk, by phone, every once in a while, but I would never go and visit her unless I had to for some reason. By the time I was 18 I had fazed her out of my life almost completely.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โ
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 9, โYour mother passed away this morningโฆโ
Things were okay, on my end, after a while. I found some meds that worked. Got a shitty retail job, or three, got an awesome girlfriend, moved out of my dads(first of my siblings to do so!) and overall was happy.
I still had some strong bouts of depression occasionally, but I would always manage to pull through. One of the keys to my happiness, I discovered, was pretending my mom didnโt exist. I could not have a conversations that didnโt leave me fuming with rage, or completely broken and depressed. There was no helping her, and it killed me every time I spoke to her. I donโt know a whole lot about what went on over the next few years, but eventually my sister stepped in to try and help her where I left off.
According to her, it was actually a positive experience. She didnโt try and fix her, but just, talked to her. Mom would listen to my sistersโ problems, and occasionally have some not crazy advice to give, I donโt know how she could stand it though. I asked her how she could have a conversation with her, when everything you just discussed would be forgotten by her the next day, or warped into some kind of alternate memory that was nothing like what was actually said. She said to me that her not remembering was the best part, because she could say whatever she wanted, get it off her chest, and not have to worry about her caring or remembering, because she would just forget it after the conversation.
It absolutely confounded me, but I am glad they had some good conversations. By this time I had all but forgotten everything good about my mother, all that remained was anger and sadness. I would struggle to have a good memory of her, from before, but I was so overwhelmed by all the bad that it blinded me to anything good. I chose to not think about it. I kept telling myself, โSomeday. Someday when I am able to take care of myself 100%, I will make amends with her. I know I canโt fix her, but I will at least forge some good memories with her.โ I never got the chance.
I did manage to get one kind of good memory of her. My daughter was born in 2009, and after we got home from the hospital, my sister picked up our mom and brought her to meet her granddaughter. The look on her face as she held her in her arms was wonderful. I felt amazing. She looked so happy. I was so excited that maybe, justโฆ Maybeโฆ Seeing her grandchild would help her to get better, to be better. I didnโt let myself get too hopeful, but the thought did cross my mind.
We had a few hours of mostly good times, but by the end of the night she had included her grandchild in her delusions about her so-called โspiritual battleโ. I made her leave right after that.
Two years passed, she never got to spend any time with her grandchild. I refused to go to her place, and she couldnโt come to ours because I didnโt want her to know where we lived. I didnโt want her showing up unannounced(it had happened before) and trying to force herself into my life. I think she only met her granddaughter once, maybe twice before the unexpected happened.
I hadnโt spoken to her in close to a year, maybe 8 months. I had a new smartphone and I downloaded an app that let me block numbers, I got it specifically for her. I would still get her voicemails, but I could choose to listen to them if I wanted, but I didnโt have to feel guilty if I accidently answered my phone without looking at the number, or choosing to hang up so it didnโt go to voicemail.
I was at my girlfriends parentsโ house, we were visiting, doing laundry or something, canโt remember exactly what, when I got a call from my dad. My dad asked where I was, and asked me to sit down.
A side note: My grandfather(dadโs dad) wasnโt doing very well. He was in the hospital after a stroke, had lost most of his motor functions, and we werenโt expecting him to live much longer, so when my dad told me to sit down, I thought I knew what he was going to say, that Grandpa had passed away.
I prepared myself, and although it would have been sad, at least he wouldnโt have been in anymore pain, and for that I was thankful. But what my father said blindsided me.
โYour mom passed away this morning.โ
I was speechless. This is not what I was expecting. I donโt remember much of the conversation, but my girlfriend saw the look on my face. She knew about my grandfather, we had just visited him the other day, and after I got off the phone she asked me about him (side note again, grandpa is still alive and kicking, but not able to take care of himself).
I told her no. It wasnโt grandpa. I couldnโt really speak. I didnโt know what to say. I felt numb. I was in shock. I whisper to her.
โNoโฆ Itโs my mom. She died.โ The shock on her face mustโve mirrored my own, and she started crying.
I had to leave. I had to go to her place. My first though was. โI need to know what happened.โ Followed closely by, โWhatever stuff she might have had, we need to get.โ The people she lived with wouldnโt have had any problem stealing anything she might have had, and even though I knew she had nothing of value, there might have been something of sentimental value that would have been tragic to lose.
I got in my car, my girlfriend explaining to her parents what was happening, and I sped to where she was living. I get there, and Carl is there, and I think a few other random people, he talks to me, trying to comfort me. I never liked Carl, in fact I hated him. Some of the few conversations with my mom she told me that he abused her, verbally and physically, and I knew that he was just an enabler for her. I kept trying to convince her to leave him, but she wouldnโt.
I didnโt care what he had to say to me about condolences. I hated the bastard. Only thing I cared about was knowing what happened. He described the event to me in detail.
He had gone into her room that morning after she didnโt wake up, and he found her lying in bed. Eyes rolled back into her head, and putrid, yellow vomit down her face and neck. He panicked, and said he โtried to perform CPRโ, which I highly doubt happened. Said he had to wipe the vomit away from her mouth to do it.
He called 911 and they hauled her body off, after that he called my dad, who was the only number he had.
I go into her room, the place is a disaster. Boxes, and clothes, miscellaneous crap everywhere. No sheets or blankets on her mattress, large stains by the crotch and face. It smelled of death, and vomit, and cigarettes and pot and misery.
Carl kept talking to me, but I stonewalled him. He had told me all he knew about what happened, so I had nothing further to say to him. I rummaged through her room, looking for photo albums, or anything that might have been important to her. I knew if I didnโt get to it right away it would be stolen soon. I found some photos, and a necklace or two that I knew my sister had given her(they werenโt valuable, but they were sentimental). I spent about 45 minutes looking through her stuff before I couldnโt handle it anymore and I left.
I talked to my dad some more, told him all I knew. I also called my aunts and uncles, grandparents, told them what happened. I never did get an official cause of death. All I heard was โheart failureโ which is unsurprising.
Her death was unexpected, but not surprising. She lived like a slob, did all kinds of drugs, drank constantly, ate nothing but the unhealthiest foods, chain-smoked cigarettes, it was only a matter of time.
She was 50 years old.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:03:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โ
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 10, The Conclusion and Aftermath
There was no funeral. We had her cremated. I donโt know where her ashes are anymore. I think my sister has them. We held a small memorial service with just her siblings, parents, and immediate family. We all spoke about her, shared stories. Tried to explain to my younger cousins who had never known her as to who she was, and what had happened to her.
At the time, I was still numb from the shock. It was about a month later, middle of August, I couldnโt cry. I tried to cry. I wanted to cry, but I couldnโt. The tears refused to come. I didnโt feel anything for the longest time.
Shortly after her death, my sister and I went to her room and cleared it out. We went through all her paperwork and boxes and possessions. Turned out she was about $10,000 in medical debt, I panicked thinking my sister and I might have to pay it, but nothing had come up so Iโm not worried.
Nothing of any value was found. Everything reeked of cigarette smoke, so even the clothes were garbage.
We found a few small things here or there, a photo, a letter, a necklace, a decoration. Nothing substantial, but they held some sentimental value for us. The rest we threw away.
Not long after I had my second child, another girl, named her after her grandmother.
I hope that she is at peace. Iโm not the religious type, used to be until my mom ruined it with her insanity, but some of her siblings are. My uncle Matthew said to me last time I spoke to him about her that he believes that she was in a better place. A place where she is whole and no longer in pain from her sickness. I hope he is right.
I am still struggling to cope with what happened my whole life. It had really left me in a bad place. Luckily I have friends and family around me who care for me and are trying to help me put the pieces back together.
That is the story of her life. There are large parts that are still missing, and that will never be known. I keep talking to her siblings, trying to find out who she was when she was younger, but part of her still lives on.
My sister looks just like her. I saw a picture of my mom when she was my sistersโ age, and they could have been twins. Her adventurous spirit lives on in her as well. My sister is an outdoorsy type, and is currently living in the wilderness in Oregon, doing the same kind of thing my mom and dad did when they were her age.
Her humorous and rambunctious personality lives on in me. I am always trying to make the people around me laugh, and I love making sure that the people around me are as happy as possible.
I am struggling with my own bipolar disorder, and my darkest fear is that her sickness also lives on in me, but thanks to her, I am not making some of the same mistakes. I have never done any drugs, and I rarely drink. Only a couple times a year. Iโve seen the darkness and can avoid it. I just pray that I can be a better father to my children, than my mother was to me.
Thank you all for sticking though this. It has been quite the adventure. It helps me a lot to get this out there. I might add more in the future should I learn more about her past, but for now, that is everything that I know about her, and her life.
I hope that hearing her tale helped you in some way. Thank you.
Ohh, I have a story from kindergarten... Every day some people would get to go downstairs to help get the food up (and get a piece of candy from the kitchen lady), we also had to put a piece of bread (well, black bread in Estonia) on everyone's plate. I often went- the kitchen lady loved me and my twin and hoenstly I wanted free candy. But I was a fucking dealer. I'd always get the best one or even two end pieces, my closest friends were next, but there were people making orders even in the morning. Lived the life of a fucking celebrity. Looking back the place was horrendous- the helpers were always asked to be girls, and we had to clean up and set the table for the boys, but I still have some good memories from it (Like getting to be a server for the "ice cream cafe" and eating so much I was sick, or being the caretaker's favourite and having her sew my barbie a dress)...
Back in 2011 I went to walmart with my now ex wife and as we parked we noticed some commotion on the other side of the parking lot along with a fire truck and some police cars so we, being nosy youngsters, went to investigate. A car had blow up somehow and the two vehicles next to it were completely destroyed in the process. The fire was out and the owners of the vehicles were present and dealing with the police, insurance, whatever.
So the next day we are eating at a burger joint and as we walk out of the place we are talking about how crazy it was and I jokingly admit that I would love to see a car catch on fire and blow up. Immediately upon saying this a SUV on the road in front of us pulls over and there is smoke coming from the engine. The owner has a small fire extinguisher and opens his hood only to be welcomed by huge flames which immediately engulf the entire vehicle and cause a huge scene of fire and smoke. The car didn't blow up and the fire department showed up fairly quickly, but still. It was an amazing site to see after having just asked to see such a thing.
I jokingly said our apartment would be on fire when we got home but it wasn't.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 13-14 ( 8-9 years ago ), I played a game called Magic The Gathering Online. I met a buddy with whom Id be in contact with nearly every day, he taught me about buying low selling high. I started to do this daily and eventually made some fair profit. (300-400 tix, 300-400$) Software bots came out and were very scarce and pricey. 500 tickets - 1000 tickets to buy one. (500$-1000$) This software was licensed and needed individual keys etc. One of the developers, The*** bought the source code off a developer and developed his own bot, (practically the same exact thing), I bought this to automate my sales, but I would randomly open files and eventually opened a file that was in a weird format, but I downloaded some software to open it and I did a search for my username and found out that is where he would license this software individually to an account name, I deleted that line of code and I was able to sell this software to anyone, I made an alternate account and began selling this software for 200-400 tickets, whatever I could get, hell I was a kid! I would receive updates on my software, but they would not. When I gave it up I gathered and sold my collection of tickets and cards and received $24,000 by the time I was 17. Thought it was pretty cool and I sure had a ton of fun doing it!
My friend and I decided we wanted to smoke and went to our usual spot near a canal by my friends house in my truck. We had done this many, many times with no issues, so we thought that day would be no different. After passing it around a few times and polishing off a few bowls, we loaded up another. It was my turn, so I lit it and took a big rip. Just as I finished inhaling, I noticed movement past the rear passenger window. It was a dark blue shirt. The shirt had pockets, ironed seams, and....oh shit...a patch on the left arm. The person kept walking up to the passenger window. It was a cop. Keep in mind that I just finished a huge rip and had to exhale, so I did. Right in front of the cop whilst holding the bong. I have never been so fucking scared in my life. Thankfully he was cool about it and let us go with a warning but goddamn that was scary.
When i was in grade 10 i got off the bus at the station to take the train to another station to take a bus home (i liked taking a 2 hour route instead of a 45 min route) i get off the bus and this guy with long blonde hair almost crashes into me, he was running out of the station. I didnt think much but i saw a few cops but still just thought it was whatever and went to waitfor the train. Later that night i found out there was a stabbing at the station i was at and the man running was the guy who did it. I dont think ive ever told anyone but it always felt like the scene where peter lets the guy take the money and later finds how he killed uncle ben.
I was at a football game with my dad when I was about 14 and I had to go to the bathroom. As I'm walking down the steps, I have to squeeze to the left to let someone pass me and my knee knocks into this guy's shoulder. His arm flings forward and he spills his visibly steaming hot coffee all over the back of the dude in front of him. The guy with the coffee on him turns around, staring daggers at the first guy. The first guy looks aghast, then looks at me. I'm like a deer in the headlights. I'm absolutely terrified. I run down the steps and hide in the bathroom for the rest of the game. I'm pretty sure those guys were about to murder me.
When I was 13 my school canteen had a competition: buy 15 chocolates and go into the draw to win an Xbox (original). Every 10th chocolate got you a free Cherry Ripe as well. So each lunch break I would collect cash from friends and spend 5 minutes lining up, collect my free Cherry Ripe and go in the draw. I ended up with over 20 entries. Weeks later my mum got a call from the school. "What have you done? [I thought I was in trouble] The school says you've won an Xbox somehow."
TLDR: Spent 5 mins of each lunch hour to get free chocolate and an Xbox. Win.
During my university years, I had a private meeting scheduled with a lecturer to go over my dissertation strategy. I arrived, promptly, with ten or fifteen minutes to spare. He was taking a seminar and I could hear the resonation of his back and forth chatter with annoyingly plucky students. Given the timescale, things should have been wrapping up soon.
Forty five minutes later, there still wasn't a stir. I had been pacing the corridor back and forth; part of me wanting to interrupt, the other, more rational part of me, wanting to walk away. In the end, I came to a compromise. On the list of names for a future seminar, I wrote 'Joe Bloggs', which for some reason I found inappropriately hilarious. I can only imagine his look of split-second consternation as he read out the attendance sheet.
Same as the top post, I have been DYING to post this!! But had nowhere to put it.
I was in a class army university that tries to implement a real video game company pipeline. I ended up being placed (way too early) into a lead position of a team.
My team was concept art and we had a...select few people in the class that were just not good in any other area so concept art took the rejects. We were the Hufflepuff of the class.
One such student had been removed from the programming team due to...outbursts. He was 50ish, army veteran, who also liked to do a few drugs to try and deal with his PTSD. I liked the guy! He was really chill, really relaxed, and was generally funny...except when he had his outbursts (this is important).
I was new and an idiot and a pushover at the time, so I ended up getting pressured by my team into pushing a due date back. We ended up getting into slight trouble from the professors.
We ended up having a group chat with the whole team and the two professors, I apologized for getting us in the position (pushover), and then it started...
This guy, Bob (I'm original, I know), ends up raising his hand and asking if he could ask something.
What ensued was yelling, pacing, and somewhat scary threats. He was really out of control. What my teacher said next just bumped up my respect for the guy.
F (Prof 1): "I hear what you're saying, and I respect what you're saying, but right now you are being inappropriate and I have to ask you to leave the classroom."
He knew the guy had had issues from his term in the army and F knew that.
The worst part was as he was screaming, there were people from other rooms peeking into the hallway. Eventually he grabs his bag, but not before getting right in my prof's face and screaming, direct quote:
Bob: "Fuckering fuckertash, I'm outta here!!"
I was right next to F and I could see the spit flying.
All in all, we ended up having to file a report to have him removed from the class because a lot of my team members who were present were legitimately afraid of him.
I felt bad though about the whole thing, though I haven't seen much of him since then.
Tertio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I almost got in a bar fight with a UFC fighter in Quebec city. Patrick Cotรฉ. He wasn't in the UFC at the time. We were both on the dance floor and quite drunk. At least I was. He kept elbowing me and I took it the wrong way. He invited me to step outside. My friend grabbed me by the arm and led me away. Two years or so later I saw him on UFC unleashed on spike TV.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
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SPOOFE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About a year ago i was at my friends house chilling in a recliner. I readjusted my body and in doing so lightly lightly swung my right hand to the left and lightly clenched my left hand. At that moment I accidentally hit a fly with my right hand and caught it in my left hand. I was basically holding a fly all of the sudden and it took me like 30 seconds to fully grasp what was happening. I seriously freaked the fuck out for 20 mins.
saad93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had sex once...
rkh00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago, some of my classmates got suspended for a week after trying to smoke... wait for it... grass.
And I don't mean marijuana. Nope, I mean actual, literal, grass.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tl;dr I got shot in the ass in Orlando.
I had gotten out of a closing shift at checkers spectacularly early so I was gonna get turnt up. I pedaled hard to get home to change while rocking out to Tragic Kingdom on my 2gb MP3 player. Couldn't hear shit though my Apple Store purchased Bose headphones.
So I whip in to [trailer park with a terrible pun for a name] and start to coast the remaining 150ish feet to my humble manufactured abode. Suddenly a large SUV (maybe a Ford Explorer) jukes around me and stops at the first of two mandatory turns.
My spider sense began to tingle. Something was amiss. Undaunted, I stood up and put the pedal to the... well, the fucking pedal; don't hate a brotha on a huffy. Fueled by Gwen Stefani's no bullshit attitude, I shot past the vehicle like wet butter. I thought I saw someone emerge from said autocarriage as I swooped by at 4 frames per second but I paid it no mind.
Suddenly, a pair of loud pops registered in my hearing parts (albeit muffled) whilst I slingshotted about this ne'er-do-well. I puzzled about this as I resumed my seated position on my pussy wagon but a cursory inspection of my sick rims displayed no tire deflation.
Shortly afterwards, I became aware of a feeling of heaviness as well as the presence of moisture upon the rear of my left thigh. During the remaining 50' of my journey, I conducted a brief physical exam of my leg and said moisture had laden my fingers with a deep obsidian hue in the radiant amber street light. A wishful thought hoping that I was struck by a paintball whispered through my conscious mind as I coasted into my yard, but alas fate was not on my side.
That's about the gist of it, but I can detail the 911 experience and treatment if desired.
Was heading home drunk from a bar one night. Walked right into three bro's who had cornered a much smaller fellow and were about to beat the crap out of the little guy. I did not support this. For some reason I pulled all my money out of my wallet and started shouting "I have $100.00 on the little guy!" I then laid down some ground rules about how the fight would go, and if they could match my money they could not only beat up the dude but also get a hundred bucks out of it. I told little man "not to worry, we will split the cash 50/50 when you've won". The guys didn't have enough money between them to cover the bet, and this shamed them so badly that they apologized to the little man and walked away, heads down and shoulders haunched.
A kind act pays off. When I was growing up my neighbor had a built in pool which in the seventies was a BFD. Anyhow, one August day she invites me to swim in it. After a while there, I come up from a dive to see the owner choking. Soaking wet, I jump out of the pool and give her the Heimlich maneuver, (or at least my version of it). I saw that she belched out something but it wasn't like a projectile chunk of burger or anything so solid. Anyway, I didn't think anything of it but she told others I saved her life, so there's that...
Liies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Randomly posting a comment in an /r/music thread last year helped me pay my rent when I was unemployed.
Safros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once translated Russian government documents to english for the US Military. Also I had only been learning Russian for 6 months and it wasnt in a class environment. So theres that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When me and my sister were younger, we'd sometimes go to the toilet together to keep each other company. The bath is opposite the toilet, so she'd be sat on the toilet and I'd be sat on the edge of the bath chatting to her whilst she took a dump or whatever. When she'd finished and needed to wipe she told me to face the other way and not look, and I obliged as I always did. Suddenly I heard a splat sound...like...right next to me. I asked her what was going on but she didn't reply. I turned around, stood up and asked her again 'what was that!?'. Again, no reply. Then I turned around....and looked at the bath. There was shit EVERYWHERE. All along the side of the bath where I'd been sat. I can only assume she'd wiped from back to front with such speed that it had whipped the shit up from her ass and flung it onto the bath (other theories as to how it happened are welcomed). Of course I screamed and burst out laughing. She began to cry and begged me not to tell mum, but alas, mother had heard my screams and asked me what was going on. I was laughing so hard I couldn't even breathe, I just pointed to the bathroom.
Me and my roomate were renting a 3 bedroom house in NC. With only two of us we decided to look for another roomate to help out with the cashflow. We put an ad on craigslist lookin for a roomate. We get a few responses, one guy wants to move in but says he likes to walk around nude. Nope. We get a reply from a chick, she looks decent. Hell we are two single guys in our late 20's early 30's so fuck it. We chat around with her. She lives out of town and wants to move to our area. We arrange a time to meet up and her check out the house in a weeks time.
The day before the meet up she emails me and says she has somethin shes been hidein from us. She is a tranny. We are open to it and me and my roomate discuss different things. Like what if she brings a dude home and he freaks out? Do we protect the new roomie? Yes. What if said dude stays the night, doesnt freak and does the walk of shame? Do we act like we know new roomie has a dong? Nah, fuck it.
Well new roomie never shows for the meet up. Emails us the next weekend and offers to pay a months rent up front to hold the room for her. Bein kind of aggrivated with the no call/no show we decline the offer. She offers a few more times. Each time more money. Nope, nope, nope. Then we get an email. She wants to pay us 3k if we drive to a hotel near her and let her watch us beat off. All in the same room, same time.
Bein the broke asses we were at the time. We don't have the money for the gas to get there. Cuz i sure coulda used that 1,500 bucks a few times.
TL;DR: tranny offers me and my roomate 3k to let her watch us beat off together.
In high school, we noticed a very generous guy giving away soda cans to all his buddies. Noticed the weird way he inserted two coins with no gap between them. A few attempts with different coins and gestures, and I managed to replicate the science.
Turns out if you insert a 1 followed by a 10, back to back if I may say so, the system gets confused, ingesting the 1unit as a 10unit, and letting the 10 fall down back to us.
We were greeted by a fresh beverage, our 10unit coin, and of course the money back, 5unit a can, since the machine thinks we gave 10, we got 5 back.
The sound of getting more money than you put is a very pleasurable one.
tl;dr; diverted a vending machine as a real life jackpot.
ps: this didn't last long, the next month some techie came to tweak the sensors to avoid false positives.
Level21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a threesome in a church. The details are too crazy to believe so I just keep it to myself when the topic of sexual conquest comes up... so I just tell people I had sex in a gondola instead.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SPOOFE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:51:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Depends. The only Mexican momma's I ever knew would either laugh it off as a lark... or beat your ass and then laugh it off as a lark. Which one's yours? :)
I think that was the entire point of writing it like that. It felt very "Breaking Bad"esque
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Walking back from a gas station in Denmark with my friend when all of a sudden we hear frantic honking coming behind us, which turned out to be an insanely fat guy on a moped who flies by us and stops up ahead. At this point my friend and I did not see that he had stopped so we started cracking up because of the strange combination of a fat guy on a super small moped/motorcycle.
The fat man waddles his legs around up ahead of us and struggles to take his helmet off, then finally succeeds in forcing his helmet over his numerous neck rolls, revealing missing teeth and a very serious lazy eye. He then proceeds to scream in Danish, "You fucktards! You see this helmet?-- I'll fucking break your skulls in with it! Fucking prep-school bastards laughing at me!"
My friend and I just stare, trying to contain ourselves from the completely unexpected encounter. The fat man again struggles to put his helmet over his fat head and waddles his legs around trying to get balanced on his moped. He punches the gas up the small hill we were walking up, and a I swear, i could have ran faster than he was going. It is still the funniest memory i have i think-- an extremely fat man on a tiny moped furiously trying to storm away from two people who apparently must have gotten in his way or something. It was too much for me or my friend to handle, and we just lied down and laughed so hard it hurt for almost 15 minutes.
In grade 3 or 4 I came into possession of a holographic Charizard card. Little me had never been so happy. Life was good.
Fast forward a week or so and one of the older grade 5/6 kids is sitting across from me at lunch. This kid is what younger me would eventually learn to refer to as a douche. For some reason I ended up looking under the table for an extended period of time with my Pokemon cards sitting on top of the table unguarded. Upon looking back to the top of the table, both my Charizard and this douche of a person were nowhere too be found. Little me was heartbroken and probably cried but hey i was little and got over it.
Fast forward again to the end of grade 9 when we are taking tours of prospective high schools for the next year. I notice a guy in the halls who seems oddly familiar but I can't figure out why. He looks sad and miserable and alone and I see people make fun of him when they walk by him, poor guy. Suddenly I realize that this is the same guy who jacked my effing Charizard. All feelings of empathy for the guy disappear and we continue on the tour.
I never saw the guy again and didn't go to that high school I saw him in but man he stole my fucking Charizard and ended up being picked on in high school. Probably was karma...
Mid twenties me is glad he finally got to tell little me's story of justice.
Ok so this one time about a year back I was 20 years old at this big house party. So anyway I proceed to get wasted with my friends and then I see a guy walking by with sunglasses (it's night). So I say to my friend joking about the kid "cool sunglasses you douche it's nighttime." Of course he hears me say it and confronts me. And this guy is huge by the way. About 6'2 210 pounds vs me I'm 5'9 170. He gets in my face and insists that we fight. I think I'm gonna die but I've been drinking and my friends would break it up before he would really hurt me. So I'm like fuck it fine I guess we are fighting. He hits me a good 4 or 5 times and my vision goes to doubles. I know he is going to knock me out so I back up a step grab the kitchen cabinet (yes we fought in the kitchen forgot to say that) and open it as hard as I can. This cabinet hits this guy square in the face and he falls like a tree. Guy is out cold and the whole party is dead quiet staring at me. And I literally run out with my friends and laugh about it to this day.
Tldr: got in a fight with a guy much bigger than me, knocked him out with a cabinet.
Hanshee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Went to Mexico with some family friends. I was getting revenge on my friend by peeing in a champaign bottle of his. He ended up bringing home a girl that night that drank a shit load of my piss. Felt super bad it wasn't for her. She didn't ever find out so I guess that's good.
My brother yelled at me one morning because I was taking too long to get ready for school. I was tired and did not very much like his yelling so I grabbed the first object I could find and chucked it at him with full force. This time that object just so happened to be a pair of large scissors .Long story short: I ended up being grounded he ended up with a sprinkle sized scar on his back. We joke about this story all the time.
I was playing clarinet for the local municipal marching band. Since funds were low they gave us an old mansion to practice in. Anyway, we were rehearsing Handel's Messiah for the Christmas show. Conductor says one last time from the top, so we started playing, all goes smoothly. The finale is three long notes. Conductor gets all caught up in the passion and at the very last note the baton goes flying off his hand, hits and breaks the light bulb behind him, the central electricity switch goes down for some reason and the whole mansion is covered in darkness. I had to be dragged outside from a friend to leave cause I was in the fetal position laughing my ass off. One of the funniest moments of my life so far.
I've been waiting a while for an appropriate ask reddit thread to come for this story, but I havent seen any.
A while ago, I was at a bar, and a dude I know, but not very well asked me to wingman for him. He pointed out the girl and I tried talking him up a bit, but it wasn't working. She told me he should grow the balls to talk to her himself. So I gave up with that. About 10 minutes later I was talking to my friends when a bouncer came up to me and said "That girl you were talking to on the dancefloor, I want you to ask for her number." When unasked him why, he said he "was fucking her," and I didn't really but it together at the time but I guess he wanted to see if she would cheat on him. But from the little he told me I was really confused, and he noticed. He pulls out his phone and shows me a small collection of this girl's nudes. Drunk me thought I was getting invited to a threesome with a big beefy bouncer. I noped the fuck out of there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A friend and I were heading to the gym in bay area California. I want to say this was around 2008. We we're stopped at a red light and I joked that some lunatic was flying a plane as I pointed to the sky. It was a contrail, like what you see for high altitude airliners leaving ugly streaks across the entire blue sky, only this one was extremely erratic. It had two loop-the-loops in it, and it looked like windshear was tearing it apart in opposite directions at various altitudes, smudging the trail in strange alternating patterns.
We followed the contrail from the visible portion through the windshield (directly ahead, slightly below the traffic light in the distance), to the point of termination which was nearly directly overhead (we had to lean forward over the dash to look up).
Way up there in the sky was a bright white dot, super tiny but very bright dot, from which came what I would describe as a white fan, similar to a comets tail but much wider, something between 70 and 90 degrees and relatively short (although much larger than the white dot it came from).
We both saw it, I had enough time to say "what the hell is that?" and immediately the thing exploded. I kid you not, this "explosion" looked like a successful hit on Duck Hunt's clay pigeon game mode. Extremely uneventful poof, and the fan tail and white dot were gone with it. Like Wiley Coyote at the bottom of the canyon fall.
No explanation to this day what the hell it was. I assume a rocket, but I wouldn't expect that on the west coast.
Back in primary school, I had an enormous crush on a girl in my class, who we'll call G. I think she knew that I liked her, and she might have also had feelings for me, but I never made anything of it. On the night of the school dance in grade seven (the final year of primary school in Australia), I approached her and asked her to dance. Because of how loud the music was, I thought that she said "NO!", so I proceeded to run to the bathroom and bawl my eyes out. I kind of avoided her for the rest of the year, and emailed her the year after. She told me that she actually said yes, and I didn't know what to do from there. My sister advised me to be kind of condescending to her in our emails, so they stopped pretty quickly. I haven't spoken to her since, unfortunately. She was a great girl.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
your sister is a dick
nesuzak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
one time I had a hypomanic bipolar episode and had to get sent to a psych ward for 6 days against my will. I was writing on the walls and shit. Hard to bring up because after telling people they no longer trust me/assume every odd thing I do is a product of insanity.
When i was fourteen years old or so, i had encopresis, which is a illness that makes you randomly shit your pants (sorry, but that's the hard truth). Everybody knew (and smelt) that. Needless to say, I was quite the easy target in school.
I used to go back home by bus. But one day, the bus driver refused me the access, because she had to "clean and perfume everything". She just told me to get out of her bus. The victim i was back then didn't try to answer and just went to the teachers, crying. The director of the school eventually drove me to home, when i told my parents everything. And this happened several times on the same year.
So my father, who was working for the school transportation company, basically told the driver to stop bullying me.
She didn't like that, so she made a petition to say she didn't do anything wrong, and that every pupil that took the bus could confirm that.
I was on the bus when the petition was circulating. As she was very popular and as i obviously wasn't, everybody signed it, after glowering at me. That's the lamest i ever felt in my life.
Fortunately, she did eventually stop refusing me access.
TL;DR : My parents told a bus driver to stop bullying me, so she made pupils sign a petition to support her, thus bullying me more.
I fell off a cliff as a 9 year old and landed into water with rock pointing directly up. Imagine upside down V. I cut the inside of my vagina, blood everywhere. Got back to the boat, blood everywhere. Went to hospital next day and doctor said it needed stitches but given the location let's watch it a few days. Blood slowly stopped seeping out after a week or so. Had to wear a pad, was awkward. I now apparently have a little scar. :)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:31:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8, I entered a Queen's portrait competition through my primary school. The winner would receive a trip to Buckingham Palace and have tea with the Queen. I gave it my best shot + managed to reach the final shortlist. I didn't win, but I was told that my portrait was shown to the Queen herself!
While backpacking through Europe I stopped in Barcelona to do some skateboarding because at the time it was a hotspot for it. I was skating around the MACBA (modern art museum in Barcelona, and awesome skateboarding spot!) and got cast into a commercial. I figured it would be a cool way to make a couple bucks and a funny story to tell from the journey. I didn't see the commercial for years, nor was i a fan of soccer, so i didn't realize till later on that i was a few feet away from Zinedine Zidane in the commercial. It can be seen here, i'm the guy at the :01, and :04 second mark walking past Zidane. You can only see the back of my head at the :04 second mark though.
Im probably too late to the party but i think this story is a great one.
I have a friend who lives in a pretty small place a bit out to the countryside. However, he was on his way home from a party and was walking through the forest on a trail besides their horse enclosure. Then he feels tired or something, that doesn't matter. What matters is that he climbed a tree and made himself comfortable, and fell asleep. When he wakes up an unknown amount of time later he decides to walk into the enclosure and try to get up on one of those horses. At first he's not especially lucky, then he gets the idea that if he stands very still, the horses will come to him. This works, to a degree. But he does not manage to get up onto a horse, fortunately. But then he gets pissed, he keeps doing the same thing standing still and waiting for the horses. At this point on the other hand, the guy scares the horses as much as he can when they get as close as they would. This results in one of them bursting through the fence and more of them following the first one. He proceeded to go find all the horses, guide them back into the enclosure, walk home, get a fencepost and a sledge to hammer it down into the ground and then attach the fence again. This last part took him 3-4 hours.
TL;DR: Friend fell asleep in a tree, wanted to go horseback riding, the horses fled.
My dad and I were going to the Fit-Expo in Los Angeles at the Convention Center the same day that the Grammys were happening at the Convention Center also. We're walking by and a big security guard asked us to leave. My dad without skipping a beat pulled out his Grammy voter card, the one he has had since 1978 and simply said, "doesn't this get me in?" He was totally bluffing and the security guard's reaction was priceless. He was not expecting some random guy on the street to have that card and he told my dad no, with a laugh. My dad told him he was just kidding and we went to the Fit Expo. On the way back to our car I saw Ron Jeremy. Fin
I skipped an academic year ahead, Moved to a foreign country to study alone (technically illegal) Cook my own food wash my own cloths and I'm 15. I don't usually ever bring it up because it sounds quite pretentious, like "Look what I can do!"
cauners ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There was a girl (let's name her X) that had a crush on me in university whom I denied because I already was in a relationship. Our university does this carnival type party where there is booze and music all around the place. Me and my gf were dressed up as Mickey and Minnie. We got pretty drunk and sneaked inside a pottery classroom, where some hot stuff happened.
A day later we had a pottery lesson inside that very classroom, and little did I know that we had done the nasty on the table where my classmate X usually works.
She approached her table and saw two fine buttock and palm prints in the dust (you could'nt mistake it to be something innocent) as well as.. a Mickey's nose I had lost there. She was kinda puzzled until I (and I regret this now) reached and took the nose saying something along the lines of "sorry, I think that belong to me." She looked at me with a look I'll never forget and that's about it.
TL;DR - Mickey screwed Minnie, lost his nose and pissed of his crush
When i was a kid (about 6) in Norfolk, Virginia, my family and i visited the navy ships, and the command center. that day i pressed a big red button that sent the ship alarm on, it was really loud... best day ever.
Seven and a half years ago, I went to a gentleman's club named the Silk & Lace (AKA: the Silk & Disgrace). It would be my last visit to such an establishment. A friend and I are sitting, twards the back, chatting nicely and enjoying a pitcher, when two rather thuggish individuals walk in. I believe one was wearing a synthetic chincilla coat with a ubiquitious rediculous hat.
Meanwhile, a homely lonely-looking guy is sitting on perv row looking for a dollar dance. Chincilla steps behind the man and proceeds to make it rain, completely distracting the dancer. The lonely guy looks distraught.
I take it upon myself to point ot to chincilla that his behavior in this instance is rather rude, and perhaps he should postpone his storm until the other gentleman's dance was done. I should note; my friend was actively boxing at the time so I was comfortable shooting my mouth off. Chincilla suggested we fight, but thankfully we were able to diffuse the situation without violence.
Shortly after this another gentleman approaches our table. He's dressed for country line dancing. Very politely, he asks if he may join us. He pats me on the arm and states, "I saw what you did there, and I really appreciate it. I just got out of prision three weeks ago, and I'm going to cave that nggrs skull in."
My friend and I promptly left. I have not been to a strip club since. There was a Ferrari in the parking lot.
This subreddit is trieing to make some sort of text base thing, but now it seems it might die, and it has a awesome thing going on, shame it might be a abandoned subreddit.
myztry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The other day I kicked the doorstop and it went right into place, at the bottom of the door. I was just trying to kick it in the doors general direction, so that was kinda cool I guess
I'm 21, finishing off Uni and have a job interview the next day 150 miles away so head off to stay in a bed and breakfast for the night. My parents are also away for 2 nights (can't remember why), which leaves my 17 year old brother on his own for 1 night. They carefully explain to him under no circumstances, ever, period, nope, don't think about it, etc etc should he take advantage of an empty house and throw a party.
Being 17 and a twat, that of course is exactly what he did.
My job interview goes OK and by the time I get back it's about 4pm in the afternoon. The first thing on walking in the house is clocking my bedsheets hanging on the washing line in the garden which raises my suspicions, no way is my brother gonna wash his big brother's bedsheets to be nice. I find him in the lounge, staggeringly hungover, desperately (read: very slowly) trying to fill a big rubbish bag full on beer cans. He already had one full bag; he must have had at least 2 or 3 dozen people round the night before judging by the mess.
Several of the parents beloved Waterford crystal glasses were missing (they'd been smashed). The place absolutely reeked of alcohol. The dog was traumatised; it heard me come in, launched itself out of its bed like an exocet missile and then clung to my ankle for the rest of the day whilst shaking like a leaf, refusing to move more than a foot away. With much patience, I coax it out of my brother (who can barely string a sentence together) that my bedsheets were being washed because one of his mates had thrown up all over my bed (WTF).
Just then the phone goes. Little brother is in no state to talk to anyone, so I pick it up. It's the parents so I put it on speakerphone. They had a lovely time wherever they are, and have decided to come a day early. Instead of tomorrow, they'll be home in 3 hours. No problem I say - we're fine - then hang up. The look of sheer terror on little brother's face is a picture - I can recall it even now, 13 years later. This is going to cost you, I told him. Frantic nodding. A lot. Frantic nodding. A case of beer. Nodding, whilst looking very queasy at the mere thought of alcohol. A 24 can case of beer, not a 6 can case of beer, I said. He reluctantly nods, not liking the thought of alcohol, going greener by the second.
Anyway, the mother of all cleanups is then launched, and we're still doing it when we get home. He'd shampoo'd all the floors, I'd scrubbed various vomit stains out of sofas, off walls, cleaned all the toilets, etc etc. Nothing is said. Somehow we'd got away with it. Apparently the police got called by the neighbours due to the noise and drunken teenagers roaming around, but the parents didn't find out about that either. I got my beer payment; he tried to wriggle out, but I blackmailed him by threatening to grass him up for what he did. He paid up.
3 weeks later, I'm quietly studying in my room upstairs at home when Dad comes running down the stairs swearing blue murder. Dad is ultra laid back, and never ever swears. But he was in one hell of a towering rage, so I'm like WTF is going on and pop my head out and look down at him. He's scarlet with rage. Held at arms length (he has washing up gloves on) is a used condom. Is this yours?!? he demands. I'd like to make a sarcastic comment along the lines of I wish, but think better of it and simply say no. It must be yours, he says. I nope repeatedly, because it isn't. Well I just found it under my bed. I firmly nope out of there. Don't know nothing. Well how did it get there, he asks. I guess it's my brother's party that we covered up, and say nothing. Parents know when their kids are lying and know when they're telling the truth, so he realises I'm not the culprit and charges off after little brother who's out for 2 hours at football practice, which is bad as it gives Dad time to work up even more of a rage.
It all comes out of course. Little brother holds his hands up throwing the party but denies it was his condom, figures it must have been someone else at the party as he didn't get laid. I'm dying of laughter inside in the corner, it's the only time I've ever seen Dad totally lose his cool, he went ballistic, I thought he was gonna punch my brother. Little brother gets grounded for a full 3 months(!) - they escorted him to school and waited for him outside the gates when it finished (which is not good for your street cred when you're 17).
TL;DR If you're gonna throw a party at your parents house when they're outta town, don't invite too many people, and check under their bed afterwards for any used condoms...
Had my prom yesterday. Me and my girlfriend danced for hours and I told her I loved her. No response but I love her so I'll keep trying. My friend talked me into going to his hotel party and I get there and its just me and him for a while. Friends start showing up and everybody but, Ill call him Tim, shows up. Nobodies seen Tim for hours apparently. Tim has narcolepsy so everyone is terrified he crashed and is hurt but theres nothing we can do but notify the police. Even then he could have been anywhere in the city or surrounding counties so were just sitting around waiting in the hotel gym. Then we here he was at the hotel in some parking garage close by so without words we spring up and start to look for him. Naturally I didn't bring extra clothes and my friends mother gave me a t-shirt and gym shorts to wear, so at the time we heard he was somewhere nearby passed out I was barefoot in gym clothes. I think I ran 3 miles in the course of an hour searching 2 parking garages twice, tearing up my feet something fierce. I was previously working out because I had nothing better to do and was already tired. I ran until my body ached. I searched for his car like I was looking for a pot of Irish gold. Feet blistered. Lungs burning. I didn't stop for anything. Finally we had searched all the parking lots and garages and went back to the hotel. We thought we'd done all we could and the cops started to take care of it. They found him okay and brought him to the hotel to hangout with us since its his only prom night and we shot the shit until maybe 5 in the morning. Then I left, went and went to walmart. Mothers day is today so I got my mom some roses and a card in my tuxedo at 6 in the morning and came home with my friend. Hell of a prom night.
Rip_Dat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My dad used to play football (soccer) on week nights with some friends. They played on an indoor pitch (JJB for those from the UK).
One day they were playing and the ball got stuff in the rafters on the ceiling.
So my dad thinks throwing his shoe at the ball will knock it down. It didn't. It too got stuck.
Realizing that having one shoe is just as bad as having none, he throws the other one up.
Everything fell down.
dlbear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
2 stories re: my keen eyesight as a kid...
I grew up in a tiny village, living in a huge house that had been a hotel in the 1880's. Came home from playing and realized I had dropped a quarter in the driveway when I pulled something else out of my pocket. I immediately spotted it and when I bent to pick it up I noticed something odd from the corner of my eye. I had found a Chinese coin which I eventually dated to around 1850. I still have it around here somewhere.
I've told this one before on reddit elsewhere. I was walking down the road outside of the same village and found a HS class ring with the initials RHM on it. Pocketed and thrown in my "stuff" box. Some time later my brother and his best friend were both home on leave from the Army, I overheard Ron M tell my bro about how he had lost his class ring while hanging his arm out of a car window along that same stretch of road. I retrieved the ring and asked him what his middle name was. You should've seen the look on his face when I handed it to him.
Edit:Another story along a different line...
About 10 yrs out of HS, my new GF says I should come and spend the weekend at her place, 4 counties and ~100 miles over from my abode. She wants to go to a bar she really likes, I'm good with that. We enter and I immediately see a guy I haven't seen since HS. She looks at me all weird and says "Wow, you really know Gary?" What are the odds?
_mitton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
A bit late, but last week I had a scary experience. It was a nice sunny day in Northern England and me and a few friends were walking through some woods smoking weed. We sat on a really old tree for half an hour and decided to explore some more. We came to a barbed wire fence, which had a gap in at one part, so we decided to walk through it. We then seen some weird old as fuck wooden panels attached to some trees. None of us knew what they were so we decided to inspect them, turned out they were shelters from an old paint balling course. This is where things went downhill.
We were walking along the field looking for somewhere to sit and smoke, when I seen 2 huge Rottweilers next to a large house at the bottom of the field. I was high as a kite, and for about 4 seconds I tried to distinguish if they were in a separate field to us. Eventually I said to my friend 'dude there's 2 Rottweilers down there' and my friend shit himself. 'WHERE?' he turned around and shouted 'THEY'RE COMING FOR US', and we all ran faster than we ever had before. We were running uphill away from two guard dog sized Rottweilers. Me and one of my friends tried to climb the barbed wire fence, but it was too big. Eventually we found a broken part of the fence and threw ourselves over it, tearing all of our shirts open on the barbed wire. I landed face first from a 6ft drop. My other 2 friends ran all the way back to the entrance of the field and exited through the gap in the fence. When I turned around and looked at the fence after jumping over it, one of the dogs was there going apeshit. It must have been about 4m behind me when I jumped over the fence. Luckily some dude who lived in the area was walking his dog and seen the whole thing. Turns out we were on private land and the dogs were actually timid. Scariest experience of my 19 years so far.
TL;DR - chased by Rottweilers whilst stoned, jumped over barbed wire fence.
Xeeroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in November I went to see George Watsky and Wax on their 'hug a hater' tour in Copenhagen, Denmark (my country of origin). I was supposed to go with a friend but he cancelled the day we were supposed to leave so I had to go alone.
So I carpooled the 300+ miles it was to get there and met some very nice people along the way. I had brought to bags of cookies to make new friends since I was going alone and that was probably still my best idea ever. When I finally arrived at the nightclub where they were going to perform later I had a major problem. I actually almost panicked when I read the sign that said "the bouncer will give you a pat down, thanks for understanding"
And the problem wasn't that I mind pat downs in general. But I was in A big city where I didn't know anyone or had any idea where I would sleep that night. best case scenario I meet a cute girl and stay at her place and worst case I find a parkbench somewhere and hope it wont get to cold at night. Only problem is that I really didn't want to get mugged or anything so just in case anything would happen I had brought a little folding knife along.
Now you may not know this. But In Denmark carrying any kind of weapons is very illegal and trying to bring one to a nightclub is a very big no no! So I'm standing there in the line with a weapon in my pocket and my heart in my throat when I get a brilliant idea. I casually kneel down to tie my shoelaces and subtly hide the knife in my sock at my ankles.
I get back up quite satisfied with my genius idea and have another panic attack as the first thing I see when I look up is the bouncer checking a guys ankles during a patdown.. I immediately go down again to retrieve the knife and I don't know where to hide it next.
I end up standing in front of the line looking up at the HUGE bouncer who ask my for my name and some ID. Standing there with my heart in my throat and clenching my butt cheeks around the knife (fortunately it was a folding knife) and handing over my ID and honestly making this face and telling him my name. and he looks me in the eyes and says to me; "All right you go over to the lady over there and tell her your name and what concert you're here to see and she'll tell you where to go"
Tl;Dr I had a good time and made some new friends that I never saw again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Two years ago today....give or take a little change, my immediate family composed of self, wife, and daughter get home from long vacation. Not a week goes by, and I find this really cool red leather sofa that's being thrown out at the apartment complex where we live. So, I convince my wife that we can use it and that it's decent and maybe we could even resell it for something, if we finally decide it's not for us. I bring up the sofa to our place and we clean it up with alcohol, and then with sofa conditioners.
After about a day or so, we start getting really itchy. This itch is shy of the extreme sunburn itch where you have to scratch at your skin or go nuts.
So we decide to get rid of the sofa, and this in the midst of the regular cleaning regimend (which is a lot for most small families anyway). The itch doesn't go away...it's still getting worse...it's nearly impossible to sleep. It seems to be worse at night.
We look for obvious signs of bugs, but nothing is apparent. We call apartment management, we inspect the area several times....but they don't find anything either.
We go to several doctors both regular doctors and dermatologiests. Regular doctors suspect skin infestations, but dermatologists never find anything and are always sceptical that anything exists at all. They continually say "it's al in your head" even though there are three of us, and it's happened to all three of us at precisely the same time. General doctors occassionally prescribe things, but are never effective enough to eliminate terrible itchiness all of the time.
We move several times. The apartment complex has a carpet floor whch seems to assist at increasing the itchiness. We find places that have no carpet so as to be cleaned much easier.
We give up on doctors for a while and focus on house cures...which seems better than doctor assisted cures, but still less than perfect and requires an extra thousand dollars in cleaning per month between the chemicals and electricity. This goes on for several months.
Finally we decide to try one of the most famous hospitals in all the US. We go to a dermatologist there. Same thing happens. Dermatologist acts like nothing is observable, so must be nuerological. Couldn't possibly be skin issue. We complain to the department, the hospital and the medical system for the state. Everyone comes back and says that what they did was correct and proper...but we're still sick. I'm becoming increasingly suicidal from this. Not really just from the itch...also from the fact that these "expert doctors" don't know shit. They also seem really happy not to know their shit, not to help patients like us who are in desperate need, and above all to pretend they are righteous above reproach. It makes me sick....more than I already was.
Eventually...many months after we stumble on a special hard to find medicated soap (creoline soap) and this helps immensely, and after a couple of weeks completely.
I would be happy to share all of this with the US medical community, but the truth is that dermatologists are so sure of themselves, they'll never hear out a layman that tells them they are wrong. They would rather put them through hell (because that is the generally accepted treatment).
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did they take some biopsies of the effected areas? It's quite possible it was neurological, which simply means it was related to the nerves in your skin... That's not that same as it being in your head, which would be termed 'somatization.' Did you get referrals to neurologists and turn them down? The issue is that if you don't actually know what was wrong, then you can't know for sure that it was 'cured' by the soap. Also, where did you go on vacation?
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Nobody gives a shit in the US system to take any kind of biopsy anymore. You can insist upon it, and still they don't care.
It was a waste of time to fight a system that didn't want to help when I was losing my own sanity. The healthcare system in the US (doctors included) is a series of sick fucks. As long as they get paid and "correct actions" are taken, they care zero about effectiveness, and zero about patient outcomes.
We went on vacation at the same place where we later had found the soap which was a cure....Dominican Republic. These bars of soap are 70 cents on the US dollar over there, and extremely effective.
Since having this happen...I've heard of several other families getting similar problems. They don't even bother with the "useful" medical system. They went straight to the damn creoline soap...avoided the zero fucks scenario all together.
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The sooner you tell her how you feel about the relationship, the sooner both of you can move on. It's not fair to either of you to let it drag on when you know you or your S.O. are unhappy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:42 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was with someone for five years and felt the way you do. We eventually broke up - she's married now. Your current GF will get over it. Trust me.
That me and my best friend had a make out session last night because neither of us had a SO and it was beautifully amazing. But the rest of our friend group couldn't handle it if word got out.
I'm 22 and recently got circumcised. Curious to track the progress, I took a fair few pictures (some of which are very very gruesome, i.e. blood everywhere). These photos automatically upload to my dropbox account, which is no big deal, they're my photos. On a related note, I have a sister currently living abroad who always wants to see photos of her niece, my daughter. Needless to say, she signed into dropbox hoping to see some pretty pictures of her beautiful niece and instead found many zoomed in photos of her brother's butchered penis.
I used to work at a computer shop. I had been there for a little more than 5 years. A lady called up to see if we were able to remove Windows login passwords. I told her we can usually do that, as long as the password is a Windows password and not a hard drive password or BIOS boot up password (some people don't know the difference). She said she would be bringing it by later that day. After I got off the phone, my coworker asked who that was and I told him her name. He said something like "Oh that's the lady from a job-site I was at last week. Her daughter just died, that must be the daughter's laptop she wants the password taken off of." So, sure enough, this lady brought in her daughter's laptop. Even for a quick job like this, we usually ask customers to leave their computers with us for a short time while we work on them. Usually I would be working on 6-10 computers at a time, while answering the phone and taking customers that come in. So a 5 minute job like this, could easy take an hour because of interruptions. This was a Windows Vista computer, I booted up to the Microsoft DaRT disc, reset the password to something else, then rebooted the laptop, logged in with this new password and went into control panel to remove the password. You then need to run a command to disable password expiration, but I digress. Now, usually we'll just call it done right there but for some reason I opened up Google Chrome and found her web history. There were Google searches for things like "best way to take heroin" and "how to safely use heroin". This is where I made a dicey decision... I decided to clear the deceased girl's search history. Something told me that if I were dead, I wouldn't want my parents seeing my search history. But now that I think about it, I often wonder if the mother saw what her daughter had been searching for, things would have been easier for her to deal with in some way. I'm not sure if I dun right or wrong. But that is my story.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Go on.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had the chance to be a proffessional football/soccer player. I was 9 or 10 years old when a football scout comes over to review me and asks my coach if he can get in touch with my dad. Over the next day or two he talks to my dad and asks him if I was willing to do a trial and head to Scotland to join their team. He told my dad I wouldn't e getting my game for the first couple of weeks because there is another kid who plays in goal who needs his game and I say I don't care. Literally a day or two before I'm to go to Scotland on trial my friend asks me to join the local Gaelic club so I ask my dad if I can and he says no (Obviously) then I threw the tantrum that changed my life... I said I wouldn't go to Scotland if he wouldn't let me join the club and he says why going to Scotland is a big deal... You know what my young, stupid mouth says? I said I don't want to play football because being in goal is boring... Ended up not going to Scotland, am now still playing Gaelic (But really I'm just getting my arse warm for half an hour a week) and now all I want is to be in Scotland playing for that goddamn team ;(
When I was 8 there was a bully at our school. We would play Kickball, and he was the most popular, and he never let anyone into his Clique, or kickball team. So one day I was playing kickball against his team, and I smacked one right in his face. He got so angry and started crying, the teacher came over. But she couldnt do anything, I just said it was an accident and he was in my way.
I was in 1st grade, and as my username suggests, I was a really retarded kid. I remember I was with my friend who was a guy at lunch behind the building which was the cafeteria. There were windows that were opaque if we were looking in from outside, but from inside you could see 100% clearly. So we were giggling and showing our genitals to each other. He had his tiny little penis out and I had my pants pushed down and lower lips open to the world. The end of lunch bell went off, but we didn't hear. We spent about 5 minutes after the end of lunch playing around until the lunch lady came out and escorted us to the principal. //oh god why
jsityo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
IIT: people post make-believe stories for pretend internet points.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday I farted and it sounded like the noise when sonic jumps on a spring.
I was at a college World Series game 2 years ago and all of a sudden we heard sirens. Everyone was evacuated into the area on the inside where all of the shops for food and etc were located. It was very very windy and I was standing near these stairs leading to a basement which was crowded with many people. There was a big metal rack with shirts on it right next to me. I leaned up against it not thinking much and it fell over. I hear an extremely loud crash and look behind me to see a man had been crushed by it. An ambulance came and took him away I have no idea what happened to him but I'm certain he didn't die because I kept up on the news for a while after this. I was 13 at the time and everybody believed the wind had knocked over the stand and that it wasn't me so I just went with it.
I saw a guy crash on a motorcycle in front of me, in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere. I was riding my bicycle, going home from work. I try to help him but he was bleeding really bad. He was concient but really drunk. I try to speak to him, but he was just delirious, and then he stopped moving, A car stopped near us, ask me what appened, I told him what I saw. The driver of the car told me he was a fireman and that he was going to take care of the motorcyclist. But the guy was dead. I've jump on my bike and just run away. I've never said this to anyone.
Sorry about my bad english.
Sybre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at New York city for to march at the saint patty's day parade. We were getting off the bus and getting ready to move into our spot and one drunk guy went up to the most silent kid and friendliest kid in our marching band and screamed "THIS GUY WANTS THE PUSSY!" and walked away.
Ive had one of those shit days, but after reading this reddit i feel inspired to do something like this, its awesome too see how someone so unfamiliar to you can impact your life so heavily :)
I've been slowly pranking a co-worker over the last 3 weeks. Backstory: young guy buys VW Rabbit, when we all try to talk him into trying something a little more 'fun' apparently no other car is as good. So I made up some black vinyl decals, and have been adding one per day to his windows. The joke is: His rabbit is having rabbits.
He has yet to discover said rabbits, we are up to 10 now.
Someone in 7th grade tried to kill me over a boogie board
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not going to lie. I didn't trust any of these walls of text. CTRL + F "fiddy"
knasa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was 12 I was walking home from a freinds house and in a parkinglot I found a wallet. To my surprise I found, and I shit you not, $2100 CASH. Also some credit cards and a license. So I took the money the whole wallet and went home. Since I was pretty small at that time the wallet was bulging out of my pocket and my mom noticed. My mom and dad called up the guy to give his wallet back and then he showed up at our home to retrieve it. This selfish ass head didn't even reward me or say thanks for giving him his 2 grand back.
Wow I just wanted to come in here and tell everyone about the time my dog rolled my hand up in the window of my car and I had to wait in a gas station parking lot for 15 minutes until someone else came in for gas and came over to help me.
As it turns out, according to these replies, I've never done anything interesting in my life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Summer of 1999, I'm a college student in Virginia. All the state ABC stores were closed for the evening, and so myself and 3 friends pile into our buddy's old Camero and set out for the West Virginia line about forty miles west, where alcohol is sold later. We progress into ever more rural, mountainous areas, passing scattered houses and little towns, with absolutely no sign of a gas station/liquor store/grocery, etc., and after an hour or so of tooling around in WV we start to get worried. Remember, younger readers, this is pre-Google maps, pre-smart phone, and I don't even think any of us had a cell...
So not too much farther down the road we come upon what appears to be a small bar, with a parking lot full of trucks and older model cars. Faint sound of country music (fiddle, guitar) coming from within. Being dumb college kids and all suburban/city types, we pull in and have a brief conference about who gets to go in and ask for directions to some place that sells booze to go. Again, being dumb college kids, the nominees are myself (6'2, skinny as hell, shoulder length hair) and the Puerto Rican member of our group. So, up to the front door we go. I push the door open, we walk in, and the scene is this: small bar with older, white-haired man serving beers, couples dancing, 3-man band in the corner with guitar, bass, fiddle... everyone in western wear and 30s-40s age group. It wasn't quite a "and the music stops" moment, but we were clearly extremely unwelcome. Literally everyone in this joint turns and stares hard, and the whole thing was almost otherworldly (although I don't believe in the supernatural, this was certainly scary in it's own way). My buddy and I glance at each other quickly, and I, being a dumb kid, say loudly "Wow, I guess we got the wrong place!", to which the old man behind the bar cracks a smile and then just start laughing like hell. We back out the door, walk very quickly to the car, climb in, and in what has to be one of the greatest instances of a spontaneous two-man lie ever concocted without a prior conversation, both tell the other two guys "dude at the bar told us there is a place that sells just a little farther down the highway". And away we go, "Swingers" soundtrack on full blast (yeah, late 90's, I know), and sure enough there was indeed a place, got two bottles of grain alcohol, headed back home, all was well. So far as I am aware we never related this to our other two friends, or anyone else. So enjoy, Reddit...
TLDR: Possibly almost got murdered at a honky tonk in West Virginia one rainy, dark night in 1999 on a college booze run....
I was at a marketplace looking at some pet fish and a 9-10 year old kid with a huge neck scars walks up with some scrap change and asks to buy a fish. He only has enough for a snail, though, one of those 'mystery' snails. His parents walk up, they look a little drunk (10am) and they scold him for spending his money before hand on lollies and walk away, leaving a dejected kid facing the grim prospect of snails.
I asked the kid if he wanted some fish, he got pretty happy and said yes so I gave him $5 and went on with my day. Saw him later with a bag of fish and a big smile.
Tl:dr saved a kid from having to get snails instead of fish.
JNC96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember it like it was yesterday...
I was sitting in the library during fifth grade, on a friday, looking at pictures of women's boxing in a book ( Ah to be young and able to masturbate on that alone again, now it has to be Asian topless boxing, but I digress.)
That day for lunch I had a taco, and it was great. However, what I did not anticipate was the brewing storm inside me. As I was getting another pre teen boner, I felt jabbing in my anus. This excrementiously huge vacuum of stink was coming out, one way or another.
So I say to myself "Self, what are we going to do here?"
So I leaned to the side a little bit, and try to ease the gas bomb out silently. I had nervous sweats, I could feel it coming, I closed my eyes, and...
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP
The entire library fell silent. Then, in my pathetic attempt to cover it up, I started laughing, as did a few other people.
Then the stench came. It was like being punched in the face but by odor. The only smell that comes worse is belly button funk. Don't finger there ever.
The library had to clear out, and I was never found out, but that is a day that will live in infamy until I die.
Since we're talking about custody hearings and parents I have one: I once stopped a plane for a few hours. I was 14, my brother was 7 and my mum with all of our family from her side moved to UK from Poland. My dad is not a very good person and said that she kidnapped us and that he wants full custody. He won in court, but said he cannot even come and pick us up. So when it came to going to the airport my mum took us and stated crying etc. I was just staring blankly into the space all that time. I had a plan. I took my brother and locked ourselves in a bathroom and refused to come out until they didn't make us go back to my father. First came the airport security, then police and a social worker. I kept refusing to open the door. We managed to stop the flight for 3 hours as we were minors at that time. That event managed to change the court ruling.
My roommate OD'd on heroin, I found him unconscious, not breathing, so I called 911, they instructed me how to give mouth to mouth while waiting for the ambulance. He ended up living, they gave him two doses of Narcan and he came too, then they took him to the hospital.
He is very grateful that I possibly saved his life, but its not really something I want to tell people we know because I don't want him to get into any trouble.
One time I was picking up a ex girlfriend from School. I wanted to freshen up my breath, so I took a swig of mouthwash I had in my car. I swished as hard as I could releasing millions of fishes from my gums. Once I was done I realized someone was in a car next to me. I didn't wanna spit and look gross, so I reached for a water bottle that was 1/4 full. I spit everything into the bottle just as my ex was coming to the car. Later on that day I was on the phone and she asks if she can have some of my water. Without even thinking I say sure. She takes a gulp and and then her faces turns sour. "this tastes weird" she said. I was in pure shock. I knew for sure she would kill me. She then continued to take another drink and finished the whole thing. 5 months later she said she was becoming a prophet for god and left me. I am not sure if the two are related.
Yesterday, I was working out in the gym. It was ab day, and I was doing crunches on a mat. I dont know what I had eaten the night before, but I had been pretty gaseous all day. Anyway I was doing a long set and there was a rumble in my stomach, but I had to keep on going and finish my set. I held it off as long as I could but on the final crunch, an immense fart pushed violently out of me. It came out with such torque and power that I heard someone say "bless you" from across the gym.
I didnt finish my workout after that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work for a company that has close ties to the Walt Disney company. About ten years ago, I was working at a public event where people could meet the various 'famous' voice actors from the cartoons. I.e. the voices of mickey mouse, goofy etc etc. The voice of Donald Duck was an interesting fellow and a generally unpleasant person and also a major diva. I'd never worked with him or met him, but this seemed to be the common perception of him. Apparently, at some point during this event, I did something to anger this guy so he took it upon himself to put a banana peel right in the area I was working in. It's been a while but I believe it had something to do with not getting him a bottled water fast enough or something. The floors of this venue were polished concrete and already somewhat slick. So, eventually the inevitable happens and I slip on this banana peel, and totally eat shit on this concrete. It was quite a fall. I did the splits, and also landed on my back in a weird way that really, really hurt. I get up, look around and this Donald Duck guy is laughing his ass off and signing people's creepy Disney memorabilia at the same time. He did it and it was pretty obvious. I had to go home.
Fast forward a couple of months. I begin having some back pain that comes from nowhere. I dont really connect it to the banana peel incident. Its nothing terrible, but its noticeable. Now fast forward 10 years. I'm a 32 year old person who has 3 degenerated bulding discs and has progressively worse back pain to the point of having great difficulties in life. It's difficult to work and my doctors can do nothing for me, so now I'm I a 'coping with chronic pain' course where I'm younger than the entire class by at least about 25 years.
My spine doc said this must have happened from an injury or a fall. We trace back through my history trying to to identify when this may have happened. After careful thought and consideration, I realize the only injury or fall I've ever had was the banana peel incident. I can't say beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is what caused my disc injuries, but the timing lines up perfectly and there's literally nothing else we can think of that would have caused this. FML.
Tl:dr. I slipped on a banana peel while at work that was purposely placed on the ground by an asshole guy who plays the voice of an asshole cartoon character and it's basically ruined my life.
I've never told anyone this story, only lies that somewhat tell the truth. I'll make it short as possible. For the record I'm male.
I move from MI to OH about 3 years ago for a job. Just turned 20 at the time. Completely started my life over, no friends, just a job, etc. It sucked. Anyways one night I got trashed drunk at my place with a few work friends, and their friends.
Party ended, and we were talking about chat roulette (whatever it's called), so a few of my buddies and I hop on there, see some boobs, talk to some cool people, the usual. Hour later I'm alone on this stupid website talking to people, I remember being pretty drunk I said some shit I wouldn't say sober. Nothing bad, call alcohol my potion for a small confidence boost. I finally come across this girl. I still remember this day like it was yesterday, she's 1/2 black 1/2 white, had a white V neck, and pink short shorts. I told her she had a 'nice rack', she laughed and said thanks. Wrapping this up in as few words as possible; I talked with this girl from 1am to 7am, about everything and anything that crossed my mind. I vibed with this girl, more than any other girl. Before we said our good-byes I asked if we can keep in touch, she gave me her number. Found out she lives on the west coast, and I'm still in OH. That was 2 years ago. I met her for the first time ever a few weeks ago at the college she's going to attend (on the east side), and she's everything I imagined, and then some. She's awesome. I would say perfect, but nobody is perfect. I'll never forget the moment I saw her actually knocking on my window to my car. I've never talked to this girl in person before, but we clicked like we had known each other our entire lives. Everything felt naturally... surreal.
tldr/shitty story wrap up : Met girl on chatroulette(sp?), met her 2 years later, possibly wife material.
side note - I suck at writing quick stories.
A couple months ago I was at a friend's house and his son is obsessed with Thor. When I was over the little boy was decked out in full Thor costume and a plastic Miljnor, later my friend told me he has been in that costume for two days straight. Later in the day his little boy is running around handing this plastic hammer to everyone and they're acting like its really heavy, I get up to get a drink and he hands the hammer to me an at this time in the middle of the living room I decide to take the hammer is heavy thing to the next level. When he hands me the hammer I act like the hammer pulls me to the floor in a dramatic way, but I was too close the coffee table... So in my dramatic act I end up smashing my head into the coffee table an knock myself out for from what everyone told me a solid 3 minutes. When I woke up I had a big bump on my forehead and everyone around me started to laugh their asses off and my response to that was to raise my hands and flip them all off, for the rest of the day I was made fun of.
TL;DR Knocked myself unconscious with a plastic Miljnor.
A mate of mine is in the British Armed Forces. Him and a group of his squaddie mates were going on a big night out to some local pubs. At the start of the night, they all put ยฃ10 each into a pint glass. It was a big group and it came to about ยฃ300 in the glass. The idea was that whoever did the most disgusting thing throughout the night would take home the money.
So the night begins and they're all doing some pretty horrible things; dipping their balls in their drinks, drinking and eating anything they can find, sticking fingers up each other's arses etc.
Anyway, there's this one guy who's been pretty quiet all night. He hasn't been getting involved in all the debauchery, he's just been chatting to a couple of girls in the corner of the pub. After a little while, he leaves the girls and comes back to join the rest of his mates. He's got his hands behind his back.
"Boys, who's got that pint glass? Bring it over here. Now watch this."
He pulls his hands out from behind his back and he's holding a tampon. Not a tampon that's in its wrapper, not one that's just been taken out of its wrapper, but one that's just been taken out of one of those girls he was talking to.
Our hero then puts the dripping tampon in his mouth, leaving the string sticking out from between his two front teeth. He then takes the string, pulls the tampon out of his mouth via the gap between his teeth, and swallows.
As a sophomore in high school I lived on 10 acre plot, 8 acres of it was dense jungle. My father had been allowing his brother to "borrow" a portion of the land to raise pigs on the opposite end of the property. One day while exploring with my cousin we came into a clearing in the thick of the jungle where we found 16 pot plants about 5 feet high each, sparsely budding. We knew they were my uncles as he was known in the family to be a pothead so we left them alone. A week goes by and my cousin and I notice my parents having a heated discussion. After which they grabbed machetes told us to stay back and disappeared into the jungle. My cousin and I figured they had found the plantation and were going to confront said uncle. A few days later and we had not heard anything more about it so we strike out to go check the plants immediately after school before the parents got home. Turns out my uncle had gotten wind of the situation and was completely avoiding my parents so they retaliated by chopping all the trees down and just leaving them there. So my cousin and I scooped it all up and came away with a hefty amount of usable weed. My school had some kind of class where you can serve food at the cafeteria as a form of job training. My cousin hooked one of the guys up and we both got our meals free for the rest of the year. On top of that we smoked out the whole bus stop before school for like a month. We dabbled in trying to sell it but neither of us were very drug savvy. This was 15 years ago and there's never been any indication that my uncle or parents knew about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
this happened to my friend. She lives in Rumney a really rough place in Wales. She only lives there because it is cheap and works in Cardiff. It was 6:30 in the morning and she was going to the bus stop to go to work. It's still pretty dark and she smells this guy absolutely stinking of weed. She decides to cross the road as she just wants to go to work. The druggie goes up to this house and goes "Ga, do you have any speed!?" to quote her "it was like the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Right in the open where anyone could here him Then the drug dealer goes "Sorry mate, the delivery doesn't come in til 8, I got some Mcat uf that's any good for you." I was nearly wet myself laughing when she told me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It may not be the best story but here is how I met my first real university friend:
On one of the first months of my freshmen year I was at the cafeteria at rush hour and there were no seats. I say this girl sitting by herself and asked her If I could sit with her and she said yes. We then talked about how we both were freshmen, we came from the same city and how we were kinda still figuring out this whole university thing. Note this was on a Wednesday.
Next Wednesday same hour I went to get launch but this time i was with a group of friends from my humanities class. We were in the line for the register and the same girl asked me if she could sit with us and indeed had launch together again. Next Wednesday same story but this time I was alone, saw here again and ate launch together. I asked her if we should see each other on Wednesday official and ever since I have a launch buddy as she likes to call me.
May not be the most exiting story but considering I left High school being very shy and then entered uni without many friends she helped me how to socialize with other people and Id say made me a better person.
When I was really little, maybe first grade, I was over at my friends house. I was a good reader for my age, and I was arguing with her mom about being able to read her book. She said it was an "Adult" book, and too hard to read. So to prove it, she randomly opened her book and I began reading it out loud. To this day I remember the exact words I read. "Chip grasped her breast"
Then she blushed and slammed the book shut, I barely got my fingers out of it. She said "Yes, thats why its an adult book!" and walked
away, while me and my friend giggled.
My sister had a bunch of Gerbils and our cat was eyeing them as supper. On more than one occasion we had to shoo the cat away from the Gerbil cage. One day though we got home and it was a scene out of a horror movie. There's blood everyone in my sister's room. Surprisingly, one Gerbil survived the attack. Unfortunately, he decided to escape via the sump pump where he drowned. RIP Gerbils.
So I'm out in the country on my parent's friend farm and were all partying. We have a huge bonfire going, we have people swimming in the lake, and we have people watching the fireworks we are setting off across the lake.
Well we all start talking about how funny it would be if one of the fireworks poles landed in front of us. Well sure enough it did. So what had happen is a bottle rocket wasn't exactly built right and when we lit the fuse it took the little pole with it launching right into the sky. It went off and it was pretty. But suddenly that little pole landed right between one of the girls legs as she was sitting. If her legs hadn't have been opened she would have had quite an injury.
TL:DR: Bottle rocket went off with it's pole, bottle rocket exploded, the pole landed between a girls legs.
I went to the doctor about a blue bump on my face. She had no clue what it was and referred me to a dermatologist. I did my own research. It's called a Blueberry Muffin Baby. I might have cancer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reading these stories made me realize that much more that I need to do things in life that will result in great memories and stories. Some of the best moments in my life happened because I broke out of my comfort zone. I love you all.
You lock your keys in your dorm room, there is a bong and an eighth of bud out in the open. The fire alarm is going off and the police are coming to turn it off. How fucked are you?
I'm late to the party so i expect this to get buried, but here goes. I went out partying in Atlanta with my then-current girlfriend and her college friends. None of her friends were particularly cute, but not bad looking either. we are getting in a cab outside the bar to go home at the end of the night, and some loser is trying to hop in the cab with us and go score with one of my friends that he literally just saw for the first time getting into the cab. we tell him to beat it, but then he says "I'll pay for the whole cab." I say "sure, but you're getting dropped off first." Dude thinks for a second (he appears drunk), and then says "no, fuck it. Yall are all ugly chicks anyways." and he slams the sliding door of the cab (it was a mini-van) and bangs twice on the side of the car to send us off. Well, i wasn't particularly sober, and i didn't take kindly to him calling my girlfriend and her friends ugly. The look on his face when i roared out of the cab and came tearing toward him as he was trying the same shit with another load of girls was something so satisfying i will never forget it. His eyes were the size of saucers. Having played offensive line in highschool for a competitive school (many of my teammates and opponents went on to play line in the SEC), i fell back on something familiar for me and lit the guy up like he was a linebacker and I was blocking for an "up the middle" running play. i hit the guy with both hands on the center of his chest. hard. the impact threw him a foot into the air and then he landed flat on his back. he did not stir for a few seconds as i stood over him. he finally got back up and tried to come after me, but seemed a bit dazed. My girlfriend was pulling me back to the cab saying we had to go because about a hundred clapping people had just witnessed the scene. Our cab driver must have thought the guy deserved it, because when we got in the cab and told him to drive away quickly, he complied. I thought for sure he was going to stay and wait for the cops, but he was an awesome indian guy who probably was very tired of dealing with drunk and disrespectful assholes like that.
whenever we hung out with my girlfriend's friends after that, i always felt about 10-feet tall. they said on the way home that night, "i didn't know you had it in you." damn straight.
I don't remember this, but apparently when I was about four, I had to go to the hospital because I busted my head open. When my dad and I were in the waiting room, there was some kid was was picking on me. This kid really annoyed my dad and he was about ready to say/do something. Just when he opened his mouth to say something, I said "(insert kid's name here)? That's a girl's name." The kid left me alone after that.
They had a popcorn machine, fairy floss in bags and if you forgot your membership card you had to remember an obscure password that none of the family remembered because we hardly ever went there. Aaaand I just realised it was a blockbuster. Closed down, replaced by a TAB now.
I already know this is buried but feel like posting it. I've posted it other places and I'm just gonna copy and paste but whatever, it's not like a single person will see it:
Oh, and whenever you see "note " that means to make a mental note of it because it will become very important later in the story.
So let's start at when the plan for one of my friend group's (clique's I guess) legendary sleep-overs/parties started. It was a couple weeks ago. We decided to sleep over at (let us call him "M")'s house. We were gonna get totally smashed and head over to a couple parties and crash at this one chick's house. Now we are all 14 or 15, but we do this all the time and I get drunk every weekend. So M had a bottle of rum, I brought a little bottle of 120-proof Canadian Bourbonnote my friend Blake gave me, someone we will call J had 3 water bottles of vodka, and I also stole from my parents' liquor cabinetnote a water bottle of cognac mixed with whisky.
So the night of the sleep over finally came (This was the Saturday that just happened. All of this actually happened about 48 hours ago), and I went over to M's house. J, someone who will be referred to as P, and another who is C, were all there already. We played Xbox until about midnight, and then made sure M's parents were asleep.
Time to start drinking
J finished off the whole bottle of rum plus a few shots. C only took one shot but it was of the bourbon, P took probably 7 shots, I took 9, and M took 9 but 2 or 3 of his were of the bourbonnote . And we stayed over at M's house for about a half hour. Talking about philosophical shit, personal things we would never talk about unless alcohol was in our systems, and about how I was the new kid in their clique and they didn't really know how I was gonna be, but I came and they really fully accepted me. So we went to sneak out.
Earlier in the night we had learned that the parties we were supposed to go to had been canceled, so we just went over to the girl's house we were gonna go to. It was about a mile away, and it was 25 degrees and snowingnote , but all of us had coats.
Description of the walk
C started running for some reason, so I thought I should follow what he was doing. I didn't understand why everything on the ground was white and looked completely even, so I started to get lower and lower to the ground until I fell. I was helped up by P, and we all had a good laugh. We all just walked and talked about random shit. I had a bottle of vodka and the bourbon in my coat pockets. M was telling all of us that we were his best friends, but P was his single best friend because he knew him longer. P and I took a piss in the middle of the street, and it was all fun.
Right around here I blacked out and don't remember anything until we get to the girl's (B's (but K was also there)) house. But according to C when we talked about this today at school, I just randomly stopped talking, and just started walking straight, and in this time he saw both bottles just fall out of my hands/pockets but I kept on walking.
B's house (when shit started to go down)
M was completely fine until we got to B's. But as we made it to her back door, he dropped to his knees, started banging on the glass, and when she opened it, he stumbled in and fell on his face, out cold. K and B started to drink, and both took about 5 shots. K took a body shot off of P and off of me, and P started to hit on B while I sat with K. I had never met B or K before, unlike everyone else there. I was sitting in the same chair as K and laying on her shoulder/boob with my arm around her waist. Everything was going fine until M woke up.
He started to make a lot of noise and falling everywhere and yelling/pushing. B told us we had to leave and we tried to get M out. M started to yell stupid things when we would tell him we had to leave such as, "NO! We have to go back to Japan!" and he tried making out with B. When C reminded M that he had a girlfriend, he replied with, "The horse is yellow so it's ok."
Matt fell on the floor again and was crying whenever we would try to pick him up saying, "Pleases! Stops! Stop! Please! Stops! (etc.)" and he tried to kiss K's feet. He also pushed K and B, hard.
I want to give you guys some extra context here. M is 5'9 170lbs with a bench of somewhere near 250; J is 6'1 205lbs with a bench of the same. I am 6'1 150lbs with a bench of 150, P and C don't really have anything that involves strength of size in the story
We finally got M outside (J had to tackle him out the open door, and B had to lock it behind us). Right when this started to happen it was like BAM! Instant sober! (It was like this for everyone other than M at least). Once we got him outside he started screaming that he couldn't feel his feet (his shoes and socks had come off inside the house and there was no way that door was opening again) and he took a swing at J, who then tackled him again. M started to scream at the top of his lungs for about 5 minutes straight, and J gave him his own boots to keep his feet warm. J, C, and P all went to go get help from M's brother at M's house, but I told them I was staying with him.
After much of M screaming and me trying to calm him down, I got him to stand and lean on me while we walked. I grabbed toe boots that J left for him and we started to wade through the snow. Once we got to a random driveway, I made M lift his feet one at a time so that I could put the boots on him (which was very hard considering I was still kind of dizzy), and once they were on we started walking on the road. M started to lean on me with all his weight and I realized that his house was much too far away for us to make it in time before he got hypothermia and/or passed out.
I then had to make a quick decision, and I made the right one. I carried M to the nearest house, and started to ring the doorbell until someone would answer. I heard a voice from the inside yelling at me so I told him to let us in because M was freezing and we needed help. The jackass told us that he didnโt know us so he wouldnโt let us into his house at 2am, but he called the cops (there was about ten minutes of me screaming at him before he decided to actually call the police).
When the police got there, they came with a fire truck, a police car, and an ambulance, and Mโs dad. M was put on a stretcher and brought into the ambulance, and I was told by his father to get into the car. In the car was J, P, and C. I later learned that his dad pretty much saved all of our asses by telling the officer that he would handle it and to leave. None of us got an MIP.
Conclusion
It turned out that M had a blood alcohol level of 1.8 and that he had to be defibrillated in the hospital. He is never going to drink again and the rest of us wonโt drink for a very long time.
If youโre gonna drink, donโt overdo it. And we later learned this lesson: never drink on the same day as doing creatine. If you donโt know what creatine is it wonโt matter because you wonโt be using it. And stay fucking hydrated. Those were the reasons why that happened to M.
I will answer any questions about details or about anything (if you read it all).
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:26 on May 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My grandfather was a passionate inventor, always trying to make himself more efficient at doing work. When he was younger, modern butane lighters had not been invented or heard of (no lighters at all had been sold in the rural area where he lived), so he built one. He eventually decided to patent it and sent off his grant, but it got lost somewhere. Soon afterward another company patented the modern butane lighter.
When he was older he became an expert carpenter and electrician. He died pretty young in a tragic car accident, so I never met him personally.
TL;DR: My grandfather supposedly almost patented the modern butane lighter but the patent grant got lost.
Well many of my friends don't want to listen to this kind of story so I'm telling you guys. Sorry for the grammar. Lol
My great grandfather was a Filipino soldier that fought against the Japanese during WW2 he was one of the soldiers that was forced to walk on "Bataan death march" along with American soldiers. He said that they sleep by digging on the ground and some would die sleeping due to fatigue, illness, dehydration etc. literally digging their own graves. And they would eat jalapeรฑo peppers just to cover the hunger they are experiencing.
So when they got to a bridge, (imagine seeing a river and you're really thirsty) a few of the soldiers ran to enjoy the water. The Japanese soldiers thought that they were escaping fired shots at them. Killing some and left there to decompose. While the people are running for the water my grandfather (along with other soldiers) ran the other way because the attention of the guards where on the water, making escape possible. He hid on the bushes and wait for the marching American and Filipino soldiers pass him. He said that it was the longest 25 mins of his life. They buried the soldiers who died running for the water.
He swears that if you would dig the places they've slept and the river side where he escaped you can find the bones of the soldiers who never made it home.
Most bad ass person I know.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:06 on September 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
posting to come back
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:14:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So the year was 2012, I was driving down the road minding my own business when I stop at the light. A friend pulls up next to me and starts revving his engine so naturally I prepare for a race. Boom the light turns green and we both screech off the line. I was driving a manual car so naturally I had the advantage. We hit green lights for about 2 blocks with no one in front of us, we were neck and neck. Then out of nowhere this cop comes up behind us. My friend veers off to the right and avoids the cop. Being a wuss at the time I gave up and pulled over preparing for the massive ticket I was about to receive.
The cop kept me waiting in the car for a while he called for backup. After 3 other cop cars came and then left presumably to try and find the friend I had been racing with the police officer came up to my window.
I said "Hi officer how can I help you"
he said"Son I'm going to need your license, registration, and proof of insurance please."
It took me about five minutes for me to go through my glovebox and find all that stuff. I had never been pulled over so I didn't even know what my registration even looked like.
After I gave him everything he wanted I asked "do you need anything else officer"
"โฆuh I need about tree-fitty"
Well, it was about that time that I notice that this police officer was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era.
I said "Dammit monster! Give me my license back I ain't giving you no tree-fitty"
Lord I was angry!!! But the officer gave me my license and registration back and let me off with a warning because I had no priors. I drove away and never looked back.
TL;DR Got pulled over street racing and cop totally let me go.
This won't be seen but I'll get some comfort in typing it out.
My book I spent all of college writing and editing: Jordan of Legend. A fantasy/adventure story about a boy lost on a world that falls somewhere between LOTR and Avatar the last airbender. Like many writers I felt I was the on the adventure and even felt the love and loss adventure and relief. But that's all just the ramblings of a madman.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I got it made into an ebook on smashwords and tried to get an agent but no dice. Hoping in the future to hire an actual editor and going from there.
This is the story I made this throwaway for, which I ended up keeping due to supporting people. Please take the time to read it, it may inspire you...
Picture it, looking on longingly as a beautiful and funny girl walks past with her boyfriend that clearly does not make her happy for FOUR YEARS... Imagine. But then, you're finished with secondary school, you're probably upset she's leaving because she's 2 years older right? Wrong. She's taking a gap year to study in one of your classes...
You start speaking to her coyly, you've never been shy with girls at all but you play it super safe with her, afterall you've been waiting for this moment for four years, just like everyone else that peers at her longingly has "Ahh look at ****** she look SOO hot" is a remnant as you start bulding respect for her and her struggle, you tell her about how awful your previous relationship was.
Intimacy begins to build and you now start to laugh at yourself as you used to say to your ex "I swear I can change, we can make it work", "I'll never find anyone better than you", because this girl now, is one of the funniest, most beautiful, respectful girls I have ever met and you think that with no inkling of a doubt, she is top 3 amazing.
Then you hear her moan about how her muscles are sore from gym, you decide to offer her one of your notorious massages, in the privacy of your own home...
You get to your house, already in denial at the fact this angel is gracing your room, after 2 minutes of hugging you say "okay massage time" in the assertive manner you have become accustom to. She lowers her bra straps so as to not sully her respectful dementor and you start to massage her, she's blatantly loving it and you decide to hug her from behind sneaking in a sly kiss on the cheek. Why didn't she react badly? Tear me apart? Does this fantasy girl like me...?
Then the time comes for your massage! She's going to touch your bare skin you pathetic weakling, at least tense your back a little! Good. You decide to stop her midway through your massage and lean back for a hug, as you withdraw your heads your eyes meet, lips no more then 2 inches from eachother, you smile at eachother vehemently, then close your eyes, peeping out to check if she is too... You both lean in hesitantly, I swear they only do this in films? Never mind, onto business, you kiss her with such care and she does to you. Then reality hits, usually connoted as negative but not this time, the reality of you, kissing one of the greatest women you've ever met, perfectly compatible to you.
Fast forward a week, she comes over again, you cuddle and kiss for an hour, whispering sweet nothings, then it happened. You ask her "Do you have feelings for me?" "I do, do you?" "I do"...
Holyshitholyshitholyshit, she does, she does have mutual feelings for me. However, you both decide to take it slow, as she is still hurting from her awful ex and you want to respect her. Things are gradually progressing and your feelings for eachother grow as each day flies by.
Who would have thought that me, sheepishly saying hi 8 weeks ago would flourish into this, the odds of us both coming out of long term relationships at the same time, to fix eachother, her doing her gap year and us taking the same class together, THEN having a plethora of things in common, astronomical.
This is my story, I cannot tell anyone in my school in fears of rumour spreading and interference, so I had to get it off my chest, because I am so fucking happy with my beautiful, funny, kind, sweet future prospect and our future is glaringly bright together.
That's my story /r/offmychest[1] what's yours?
My dad was in Toronto one day for work and he decided to take a short cut down an ally. But when he did there was this homeless guy who started to get in his face. My dad politely told him to fuck off and then the homeless guy started reaching for something in his pockets. My dad cocked back and knocked him out and kicked him a few times. He said the whole block stopped and looked. He told me it was awesome but I don't know as I wasn't there.
Okay so i'm a senior in high school and a friend convinced me to go to my school's video game club. I agreed to go and i went. When i walked in there was about 3 people in the room (no teacher to be found) and one kid in the back was jerking his shlong while holding a leaf. He busts his nut in the leaf and then smacks a kid with the nut covered leaf. No one said anything to the teacher
My family and I are on vacation at Disneyland right now. At about the 11:30 pm mark last night we finally made it to Tomorrowland. Which has Autopia, it's an attraction that let's kids as little as 40" tall to drive cars that are sort of on tracks ( basically there is a thin median under the car to keep you on a general track ). So my mother lets my 7 year old sister drive her own car, she was the 2nd car from the front. So it's time to mash the gas and go, but she keeps just giving it enough gas to jump forward and then comes to a complete stop. Meanwhile about 10 cars pile up behind including my car with my mom riding passenger. The whole time I was dying laughing, my mother and I were in tears laughing as everyone behind us was yelling "DRIVE!!!!!" It was the funniest part of the day. The best part was that she totally ruined it for the other 7 cars that weren't filled with our family.
There is a movie project about this story that was censored from Kickstarter but just broke the crowdfunding film record with 2.1 mill raised on Indiegogo..looking forward to watching it.
Back in Burma in '64 I shivved a rhodesian king snake with the sharpened end of a standard issue united states coast guard nautical compass. Bastard took the hit and gave it back ten fold, struck me 32 times over the course of 15 seconds, I kid you not, enough venom to flatten a moose at thirty paces, lord only knows how I survived that little excursion. Anyway, I picked up playing the banjo after that and traveled route '62 with Jack "Hombre" Reynolds back when we rolled with the hells angels. Lemme tell ya, living dive bar to dive bar and peloponnesian Hashish brick to peloponnesian hashish brick really catches up to you quick, had 4 kids over the span of a year and half. I ended up having a fairly successful career as a machine shop welder in Wako Texas.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I was in this restaurant the other day with a few friends, really shady place where smoking was allowed. I asked a friend, let's call him P, for a lighter. He'd almost thrown it towards me, when another friend M told him not to as lighters can explode if they fall. We laughed it off saying that shit never happens and P proceeds to throw the lighter towards me, and I somehow miss the catch.
We all learned that these lighters can actually explode when they fall. At least we weren't thrown out that day.
When me and my friends were 13, there were 5 of us messing around with BB guns in a child's play park being little shits. But there were even bigger shits there, 18 year olds drinking and smashing their bottles on the slide etc. we were on the opposite side of the play area on something similar to this spinning witches hat thing and decided it would be fun if we could shoot the drinking older kids whilst spinning on the spinny thing and surprisingly we get some good shots at them. One of them warned us that she was calling the police and surprisingly (despite the offence that they were committing) went through with it, told the operator that there were kids with bb guns in the play park... but forgot to say "bb". What felt like only a matter of seconds later as we worried about our escape plan, there was a huge field out the side of the park with small forests and a road running parallel to them. We saw the blue lights of a police riot van looking through the woods onto the road headed towards us, amazingly 2 of our friends lived across that road, and snook through the woods, behind the path of the van safely home. The three of us left bolted it across to the right hand side of the field, the van still hadn't pulled up yet, and we found a dip down onto the road where we kept cool and hid our bb guns under our coats. In the distance we see a smaller police van heading towards us, I tell the guys to keep cool, they're looking for a group of 5. We keep cool and the van drives straight past us, pulling up to the entrance to the field we ran frantically across merely a few minutes earlier, we get out of sight and split, I personally ran home and closed all the curtains expecting some kind of national manhunt for me and my friends.
Back in 3rd or 4th grade me and a group of friends would play tag during the lunch break. When I eventually became "it", the game progressed as normal but everyone split up. I set my sights on a girl who was also playing with us, she was standing around 3m (9ft) away from a fence at the edge of the field, anxiously looking out for me. As I started running towards her I saw she hadn't noticed me yet. I keep going and still, she's scanning the field but doesn't see me. I decide to be sneaky and go around in a slight arc such that I get right behind her. She turns around and almost falls over from the fright, screaming "How did you do that!!!". She had NO idea how I managed to get behind her, and by all means it shouldn't have been possible. I was like a ghost that day xD
Kaplone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Not a long time ago, my grandma and cousin visited to take care my siblings and I while my parents were gone. All of us (the 4 sons and cousin) were capable of taking care of ourselves, however, so we went around with our daily business while our grandma was left with little to do, as she was unaware of how things went around our house. She eventually grew angry at us because we were "disrespecting" her by not allowing her to do our work. This escalated into her ignoring all of us, 5 perfectly good kids, for a day, and then she finally confronted us softly.
Things got better for a while, and my younger brothers decided they wanted to go out to dinner at Longhorn. On the ride there, my cousin and I started pondering seeing a movie after dinner. Him and I would go see Oculus while my grandma and younger brothers would go see a more appropriate movie for their age. We saw no conflicts here as it was a Saturday evening, not that late, and the movies were right by Longhorn. However, my grandma saw this as an absurd disrespect and challenge to her authority as, unsurprisingly, she disagreed with our proposal and provided a counter-offer of going on Sunday. We all disagreed and she proceeded to ignore us after yelling at us, "ASK YA DAMN FATHAH! I SAY BLACK, YOU SAY WHITE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? ITS GETTIN' KINDA DIFFICULT!" We get to dinner, and I text my father across the country to see if he approved of the movie. He did, and requested to speak with my grandma about it. I hand the phone to her and he talks with her for a minute. Next, she hulk-smashes the phone down on the table, her eyes bug out, her mouth furls up, and her eyebrows shoot backwards in anger. Now, realize that she in an 80-year-old woman who is the size of an 8-year-old, and who has never been mean to any of us a day in her life. But now, she is beyond pissed ignoring us, and I can go to the movies.
Me and my cousin go to see Oculus after driving an unnecessary 30 minutes to drop off the rest of the family at home. We get in, all is fine, the movie is going good but boy was it scary. My cousin has a heart problem and I am just deadly afraid of scary movies. However, this one had Karen Gillan in it, and you know, Doctor Who love... Yeah. So we are in there, a good hour in, and the tension is rising, suspense is at the maximum and some musical score is rising to monstrous levels. Lights are flickering, Amy Pond is creeping around a corner, about to peer around, and then ALL the lights turn off. Not in the movie, in the theater. Everything is dark, and everybody is scared shitless. Everybody starts flipping out and screaming, one lady started crying. Lucky for us, it was just a power outage and the power returned soon enough. On a side note, while the power was off, the most glorious achievement of my entire life happened: I got the 2048 tile.
The power returned, we finished the movie, and we went home. We get back, its only about 10, and my grandma is still somehow ridiculously pissed at us. Not even a glance or a simple hello. She just sat in our living room, staring intensely at her Sudoku book as if it had just killed her husband. It was a death glare, something that would torture anybody into the truth. The fact that it came from my previously "happy happy joy joy" grandma just scared me even more (plus the scary movie didn't help either). She looked possessed with some satanic otherworldly glare. You could tell she was beyond sanity, staring down at her Sudoku book, with as much anger as the little stick figure could muster.
She went on to ignore us for the rest of her week-long stay all the way up until a few hours before my parents returned. My cousin and I sat down for lunch with a few sandwiches and were playing on our phones. Everything was happy and good. Then, all of a sudden, my grandma comes slowly meandering in our direction, frown in full gear, firsts clenched, eyes popping out from her skull. Her saggy, aged face tugged down her frown even further. She then opened her mouth, and at that moment, I knew she was gone. She let it rip and berated us at the top of her lungs. Imagine an opera singer belting out the strongest note, and then magnify that by infinity. All of this from a simple little woman who had always been a cute, little, kind, goody-two-shoes kind of girl who never did anything but praise us. She goes on to tell us that we are dirty little rats, will never get married, everybody will hate us, we are terrible people, will lose all of our inheritance, and are going to hell for what we did. She adds in that we will be lucky to ever see her again, and then starts going on one of those long feels trips about how tough her life has been.Think of any insult and she said it that day. Every quavering muscle in her petite body shook with rage as she ripped apart her heart and fed it to us. Making it worse, the little old lady who never cursed finished her argument with "YOU. DIRTY. LITTLE. F*CKERS!"
We haven't spoken since, save the goodbyes right before she left. She was all kind and acted as if she cared and even hugged me. But in her eyes, you could see the hatred. Her brows we raised ever so slightly, and a slight grimace could be seen. My parents still know nothing of this to this day.
My parents have never punished me. They have never yelled at me. They have never argued with me. So you can only imagine my shock when the terrible tirade came barreling at me. Never have I seen so much disgust in one person who I have respected for so long. Needless to say, I now have no respect for her, and I doubt i'll have any more extended conversations with her. So there is my story on how I lost all respect for my once honorable grandmother.
tl;dr: grandma came down for a week while my parents were away. Slight things that should not be offensive ticked her off beyond belief. She got pissed, ignored us, and then sang her hideous song of hatred to me and my cousin. When my parents returned, she acted perfectly normal and nice. Creepy as hell.
TLDR - I used to run a Hollywood Video in early 2000's, and Prince stopped by to rent movies.
A few minutes before we closed I got a call from a guy claiming to be his assistant asking if we could stay open a little later, as he wanted to rent movies. My first thought was "Okay, this is odd" but my second thought was "Okay, this is Prince". Just roll with it, y'know? I also didn't ask questions regarding whether or not it was legit as he lives a few towns over... plus if this was a prank, I was stoked to see how it would turn out. So I sent everyone else working home and waited.
About an hour later a nondescript black car rolled up and two beefy black guys got out and escorted Prince to my door. I unlocked it and opened it up, and he was wearing what I can only describe as some expensive looking silk pajamas with what I assume were lollipops on it, and moccasins. I'm not very tall but I feel I towered over the guy, never knew he was that tiny.
In that last sentence I thought about adding a semicolon, then remembered Kurt Vonnegut, and thought better of it.
Anyways, he comes inside and gets my name, shakes my hand (tiny dry carny hands) and asks me what movies should he rent tonight. I told him first off was honored he chose me and this store to rent at, but was curious as to why he wanted to rent in person rather than--he cut me off with a dismissing look and corresponding hand wave as it was clear he didn't want to explain. I sure wasn't going to press the issue. So I said, "Well, walk with me and we'll find something for ya."
Should also mention that I'm not a huge fan or anything, as I'm only familiar with his radio hits, and found out later that he sang a bunch of songs I thought were done by girls. Who knew, huh?
So we browse down the aisles, deliberately not going anywhere near Purple Rain (oh gods how I wanted to, though), and here was my conversation to the best of my recollection:
Me: How about The Matrix?
Prince: Too surreal.
Me: Okay, let's see... The Professional's one of my favorites, how about --
Prince: Do you have anything older?
Me: Umm... yeaaah... The Court Jester's really good, got Danny Kaye in it.
Prince: No.
Me: (silence) Um okay... ooh... Willy Wonka's a classic, how about that?
Prince: Okay, what's it about?
Me: (holy fuck this guy hasn't seen Willy Wonka??) Oh! Well... wow, uh... it's about a mysterious candymaker, he has a worldwide contest where the winners get to visit his factory. It's awesome. You've never seen it?
Prince: No. Sounds good. I'm ready to go.
Me: Alrighty (was big into Sex and the City around then, so said that a lot).
So we went up to the counter, and since I wasn't going to waste time setting up an account for him, I rented the movie out under the name of a customer that was currently pissing me off. While I was doing this he was looking around at our candy selection, and we had a huge rack of cotton candy stuff (can't remember the brand name) that he was eyeing. I told him he was all set, then he asked me if I had any more of the cotton candy in stock. That took me aback, as there had to have been over 30 bags of the stuff already on display, but I said well I'll check. Went in the office, saw we had two other full boxes and that's what I told him. Literally rolls his eyes and mutters "Forget it." Paid for his movie and walked out. He and his bodyguards then did an acapella rendition of "Movin' On Up" whilst shimmying back to his car.
I made up the last part as the true ending is rather anticlimactic.
so..One time in 2006 my family was having dinner and my 2 younger brothers decided it would be funny to throw food so everybody started throwing food and it was a big food fight and a BIG MESS then like 1 minute later the police knock on the door and really no one wants to answer the door cause were all covered in FOOD so the police bust the door and then we all had to explain what was going on..... and thinking of it today it was actually pretty funny!!!!:)
the 80's, on a road trip out west to see yellowstone. we were driving up a mountain behind a station wagon, we were the only to cars in sight. up ahead my dad see's a suitcase sitting upright on the side of the road. he says to my mom, "i'll slow down and you open your door and grab it", (im guessing he thought there might have been something worth having/taking inside). well the dad driving station wagon infront of us obviously had the same idea because the passenger door open and a arm grabbed the suitcase as the rolled by...now at this point my father is cussing and swearing because they got it first. now they didnt get 1000' down the road before they start swerving all wildly and then all four doors opened up and we saw a whole family bail out of a moving car which kept rolling another couple 100 yards until it went off the road and hit a tree. the family wasnt hurt too bad cuz hey all got up and were heading to the side of the road but they had these weird cuts all over them, even the kids. so we stop, my father rolls down his window and says "what the hell happened" to which the father of the other family replies "mountain lion...in the bag...live mountain lion in the bag". and sure as shit somebody had captured and stuffed a mountain lion into that suitcase on the side of the road and when they opened it he went apeshit and started tearing up the inside of their car. then when the car hit the tree it broke its spine in the wreck and died. we didnt have room for all of them in our car so we went to the ranger station and told them what happened so they could send help.
TL'DR, a mountain lion comes out of a suitcase and attacks a family
I used to know this guy who had a bit of a drug problem (not super serious at this point and he didnt try to coerce people into doing it.)
anyway one day in class he was kinda high as we were reading a textbook about emergency medical situations and he was reading something about the eye.
he looked at the paragraph and read it, then he got to the word "retina" and just went quiet and said "what the hell is a rah-t-I-na (as if he was saying vagina with an r)?"
Me and the other guy working with us just went "huh" and reread the sentence and burst into laughter trying to correct our high as a kite friend.
For years after retina evolved into some horrible combination of an eye and a vagina, we even began to describe what it looks like, (teeth, hidden eyeball and other gross combinations)
When I was a senior in high school I was hanging out with a younger teammate who was texting back some boy that had a crush on her. It's important to know that we are all Korean, except I don't know how to read or write it and my vocabulary sucks. My teammate is fluent in both korean and english but the guy she was texting with was fairly new to the states and did not speak english very well. Well I asked who she was texting back and she said "David", I look at her phone and it says "David Byuntae", I thought since there are so many Davids (especially koreans) that she put his korean name too. So after school, I'm with my friend and we are walking toward the library when I see David, so I tap my friend, point to David and scream "Hey look! It's Byuntae!" She immediately covers my mouth and looks horrified. Well, turns out that David is sort of a creep, so my friend added "byuntae" after his name because it means "pervert". This guy did not know me, I had never spoken to him but I called him pervert in front all of his friends.
We were doing some group project in tenth grade chemistry, and this one less popular girl was coughing for much of the class. One of my partners nonchalantly took out some cough drops, opened one up, slid it into his pants and rubbed it all over his balls. Then he walked across the room and gave it to her. She thanked him, popped it in her mouth, and visibly rolled it around in her mouth for the rest of the period.
...And that is the story of the "turn your head and cough drop."
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So im with my honey and im making out wen the phone rigns. I anser it n the vioce is "wut r u doing wit my daughter?" I tell my girl n she say "my dad is ded". THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
J00SH2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
GIVE THIS MAN AN OSCAR
Wolfir ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:54:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow . . . these questions have gotten lazy
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:33:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Once upon a time, there was a boy, named /u/Horntailflames . He was in sixth grade, and had his first ever crush on a girl. We shall call her Luder. To him, she was more of an angel. He spent hours of his time making little arts and crafts thing for said girl, who in the end didn't give a flying fuck about. But I'll get to that later.
/u/Horntailflames 's direct competitor for this girl, whom we shall call Sir show off, was also making moves to get her attention. /u/Horntailflames bravely questioned Luder about her intentions with sir show off who replied saying that they were merely friends, and had no intentions of dating him.
Being the innocent and gullible boy he was, /u/Horntailflames believed Luder and thought nothing more of it.
But how wrong he was. How wrong.
News started going around that Luder and sir show off had a fight, and we're not talking to each other.
This was fantastic news for /u/Horntailflames, but just to be sure he asked sir show off what was going in between them. He said he had abandoned his goal of courting Luder. This made /u/Horntailflames very exited indeed.
Fast forward to a week before the school trip, who was taking the students to an amusement park. /u/Hortailflames was exited to finally get to talk to and maybe even move slightly on with Luder.
Once they had reached, /u/Horntailflames had began searching for Luder and gound out that she was swimming in a pool somewhere. /u/Horntailflames, being very uncomfortable with his somewhat round body structure decided to walk around the park instead.
He tried again after about an hour. One of her friends said she did not want to see your hideous face, and should probably go before she hurls.
This came as a shock to /u/Horntailflames and he began to become depressed. Was it something someone had said? Something he had done? This made him sad and very angry
On the bus trip home, /u/Horntailflames had managed to price his heavy heart together, and ended up sitting behind sir show off and his wingman. As /u/Horntailflames had nothing to do, he eavesdropped.
To his dismay, sir show off was talking about how him and Luder had such a great time, along with how they were texting right now.
/u/Horntailflames 's heart felt like it had been shattered, run over with a steamroller and then hastily burnt. It took every fibre in his body to control himself from weeping profusely, and where his heart was filled with a pit of sorrow, he sat back, closed his eyes and persevered from the emotional hell he was suddenly placed in.
/u/Horntailflames had never, EVER, had any thoughts of a relationship since then. Whatever was left of the innocence he had after the incised was immidiately gotten rid of. If he found someone attractive, he immediately shunned them away as a devil incarnate and never thought of that person as more of a friend, if even that.
TL;DR - how NOT to get a girlfriend
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:01:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I parked my sports car on the side of the highway and fucked my gf right there.
My mother was a bit of a strange bird growing up, and (very opposite to a lot of parents nowadays I hear about) actually forbid me from getting a job my first year of college because she wanted me to focus on my grades or whatever. Anyways, here I am, no job, trying to make enough money to go out and have fun with my friends now and then on the weekends. Turns out, one of my school professors needed somebody to mow their lawn regularly and also do some cat-sitting while he went to some teacher convention. I'm thinking, sweet deal, I'll make some money, suck up to the teacher a little bit, and make some money on the side. Plus I love cats, so like, its a great deal all around.
Anyways, flash forward as few months, its a week before finals, I had just turned a paper in for the class, and I'm mowing the man's lawn because damnit, I like money. He comes home from his 4:00 class, bundle of papers in hand, and waves at me. I didn't think anything about it, this was actually pretty regular, and I just went back to mowing the lawn. He comes walking over to me though, and says that he really liked the topic I chose to write about in our paper (he was an English professor and the paper was an open ended writing analysis-type essay), and he asked if I wanted to grab dinner at this local Chinese place he really liked. Surely that can't hurt, right, grabbing dinner with your professor the week before he's about to assess 50% of your grade for the semester? Yea, damn straight I'd like to get dinner.
So we get to the restaurant; it was actually a really odd backwater type place that I could tell nobody ever went to, and since it was only about 5:30 at this time, it was just me, the professor (Oh, crap, yea his name is Dr. Stallings, I forgot to mention that) and this one old lady sitting in the corner by herself. Clearly Mr. Stallings came here often because the waiter knew his order already, but as I'm looking over the menu I can't help but notice this lady is giving Mr. Stallings this really weird look. I mention something to him after I place my order and he says that he saw her but that it's not a huge deal and just to not worry about it. I kind of try to brush it aside but I'm not even kidding when I tell you this lady looked just straight up weird. Not even creepy but just downright unsettling.
We start talking about my paper, but then sure enough the old lady (probably, 65 if I had to guess) comes walking over towards us. I have no idea what to expect at this point, but turns out she's just this sweet, albeit very strange old lady, that thought Dr. Stallings looked a lot like her son (Dr. Stallings is a pretty young teacher at the University) who was serving a tour in Afghanistan and that she really missed him and her husband who had recently passed away and she wanted to know if she could sit and eat with us. Obviously, this is all pretty strange, but neither one of us could really tell her no so we just kind of went with it. Turns out she was actually pretty fun to talk with and we had a nice (albeit kinda pricy) dinner.
Right after the waiter brought us out our checks, Dr. Stallings and I both got up at the same time to go to the bathroom, so we just kind of ran with it even though tandem bathroom trips are more of a female thing. Anyways, we come out of the bathroom and the lady isn't anywhere to be found. We thought maybe she had gone to the bathroom too, but her purse was gone and so was her check, so we just guessed she had paid and left. I go up to the counter, pay for my food, thank the waiter, and start to head out, but then Dr. Stallings speaks up towards the guy working the cash register and I come back to try and figure out what's up. Turns out the lady had told the waiter that Dr. Stallings was her son, and that he was paying her bill too, which was a whole $25 when you add in the tip. Needless to say he's pretty mad, so he goes running out of the store to try and see what's up, and sure enough the old lady's walking casually down the sidewalk to her car.
Dr. Stallings runs down and starts confronting her, and I start pulling out my phone in case I need to call the police or whatever. She just starts yelling at him and calling him crazy and then she just out of nowhere takes her purse and straight up smacks him across the face with it. Now, I'm not saying she was some boxing champion but I think that would understandably catch any guy off guard, and Dr. Stallings goes DOWN, and the lady just like, jumps on top of him and starts attacking him. I'm calling the police at this point, telling them where we are, what's going on, etc. and it's turned into a straight up brawl between my teacher and this old lady. She's hitting him over the head with her purse and he just starts pulling her leg.
tl;dr - tied 2 drunk guys together by their balls #revenge
Last year a couple guys made my life hell and totally disrespected me sexually in front of lots their frat. I let it happen but never forgave them. This time it was payback.
They had a party and I came late on purpose so theyd be drunker. When I got there they were so drunk. These 2 douchebags are always disrespecting girls and never being nice. So cool dont give a fuck types. Well they both thought they could do another thing to me and so I got them up to one of their rooms and had a drinking contest. We started and we drank and I got pretty drunk and they were drunker until 1 passed out. To play a joke on him we stripped him naked and the other thought since he won he should get a bj but I said that hed have to drink until I passed out. To make sure Id win I put something in his drinks but had to drink it to. Soon they were out and I was almost out. I used all my concentration and stayed up and stripped him. 2 drunk cocks with no clothes!! It was soo hard but I put them both on the floor next to each other like they were hooking up. Then I tied a string to each others balls. Then I got 1 guys finger WAY up the other guys butt! At this point I was about to pass out so I put my top and shoes back on and left the door open and got out without any of the brothers seeing me. I made it home and slept for like half a day. This week I found out that the guys woke up when 1 guys mom came for easter and was shoked and he woke up and tried to jump up but his balls were on the other guys balls and both were yelping in pain in front of his mom!!
Well if what you did with these men was consensual at the time your actions were atrocious. If they were not consensual I am very sorry for you but why would you go back to that fraternity repeatedly? Instead of going to the cops?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not going to go into this because this isn't the time or place, and I don't know you from a barofsoap.gif. But this post has a few of the hallmarks of delusional thinking - special knowledge, paranoia (if I tell you, people will get hurt) etc. Folie ร deux is also a real thing. Hopefully you've got a close friend who you trust and who will help you if things go downhill. All the best my friend.
I have told people who are close to me and who know elements of this are real and they believe it.
Also, this info is documented by many people in the mainstream in books and documentaries.. but no one has put the pieces together yet fully as I have. I am just a bit ahead of the curve.
But you are actually illustrating why this info is so difficult to get out. It isn't an accident that people assume such things when people make claims as I have.
Read this excerpt from an interview by the guy who investigated the JFK conspiracy coverup..
PLAYBOY: Many of the professional critics of the Warren Commission appear to be prompted by political motives: Those on the left are anxious to prove Kennedy was murdered by a conspiracy within the establishment; and those on the right are eager to prove the assassination was an act of "the international Communist conspiracy." Where would you place yourself on the political spectrum --- right, left of center?
GARRISON: That's a question I've asked myself frequently, especially since this investigation started and I found myself in an incongruous and disillusioning battle with agencies of my own Government. I can't just sit down and add up my political beliefs like a mathematical sum, but I think, in balance, I'd turn up somewhere around the middle.
Over the years, I guess I've developed a somewhat conservative attitude --- in the traditional libertarian sense of conservatism, as opposed to the thumbscrew-and-rack conservatism of the paramilitary right --- particularly in regard to the importance of the individual as opposed to the state and the individual's own responsibilities to humanity. I don't think I've ever tried to formulate this into a coherent political philosophy, but at the root of my concern is the conviction that a human being is not a digit; he's not a digit in regard to the state and he's not a digit in the sense that he can ignore his fellow men and his obligations to society.
I was with the artillery supporting the division that took Dachau; I arrived there the day after it was taken, when bulldozers were making pyramids of human bodies outside the camp. What I saw there has haunted me ever since. Because the law is my profession, I've always wondered about the judges throughout Germany who sentenced men to jail for picking pockets at a time when their own government was jerking gold from the teeth of men murdered in gas chambers. I'm concerned about all of this because it isn't a
German phenomenon; it's a human phenomenon. It can happen here, because there has been no change and there has been no progress and there has been no increase of understanding on the part of men for their fellow man.
What worries me deeply, and I have seen it exemplified in this case, is that we in America are in great danger of slowly evolving into a proto-fascist state. It will be a different kind of fascist state from the one of the Germans evolved; theirs grew out of depression and promised bread and work, while ours, curiously enough, seems to be emerging from prosperity. But in the final analysis, it's based on power and on the inability to put human goals and human conscience above the dictates of the state. Its origins can be traced in the tremendous war machine we've built since 1945, the "military-industrial complex" that Eisenhower vainly warned us about, which now dominates every aspect of our life. The power of the states and Congress has gradually been abandoned to the Executive Department, because of war conditions; and we've seen the creation of an arrogant, swollen bureaucratic complex totally unfettered by the checks and balances of the Constitution.
In a very real and terrifying sense, our Government is the CIA and the Pentagon, with Congress reduced to a debating society. Of course, you can't spot this trend to fascism by casually looking around. You can't look for such familiar signs as the swastika, because they won't be there. We won't build Dachaus and Auschwitzes; the clever manipulation of the mass media is creating a concentration camp of the mind that promises to be far more effective in keeping the populace in line. We're not going to wake up one morning and suddenly find ourselves in gray uniforms goose-stepping off to work. But this isn't the test. The test is: What happens to the individual who dissents? In Nazi Germany, he was physically destroyed; here, the process is more subtle, but the end results can be the same.
I've learned enough about the machinations of the CIA in the past year to know that this is no longer the dreamworld America I once believed in. The imperatives of the population explosion, which almost inevitably will lessen our belief in the sanctity of the individual human life, combined with the awesome power of the CIA and the defense establishment, seem destined to seal the fate of the America I knew as a child and bring us into a new Orwellian world where the citizen exists for the state and where raw power justifies any and every immoral act. I've always had a kind of knee-jerk trust in my Government's basic integrity, whatever political blunders it may make. But I've come to realize that in Washington, deceiving and manipulating the public are viewed by some as the natural prerogatives of office. Huey Long once said, "Fascism will come to America in the name of anti-fascism." I'm afraid, based on my own experience, that fascism will come to America in the name of national security.
sammojo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:15:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll add narcissism to that list of delusional aspects, and reiterate the comment about special knowledge. Your post history has a lot of conspiracy theories in it, the reason it's hard to get the 'info' out is because it's probably not a reasonable conclusion. The media is not some great tool that is being used to con the world, it is a general term for all the crap that's available for our viewing. It is made up of ads, news reports and any other amount of trash people want other people to see. It's produced by groups of individual people like you and I, who can be smart, dumb, educated, uneducated. We can't trust newspapers because they are written by people who generally know nothing about what they are writing about, and care little for facts because facts don't sell as well as good stories - that doesn't mean they are trying to trick you for some greater cause.
You will not find legitimate answers to serious questions on YouTube documentaries, btw.
If you do the research you find that all the major media in this country is controlled by a handful of people.. maybe even one family - the Rothschilds.
Do you realize that our entire culture is controlled by the media? Every response we have is generated by our perception of society. If you control all the media you control what is deemed reality and what isn't. They control the education system too.. which also controls how we think at every level.
The reason you are responding to my claims the way you are is BECAUSE of that same conditioning.
You have even called me narcissistic just for believing I have discovered something. Why is that?
All this info is out there.. I never said you had to be a genius to understand it.. all it takes is TIME and the ability to go into areas we have been told are crazy just as you have stereotyped me.
We have all been made to be hyper skeptical of anyone making the claims I have made. That is by design. It's the easiest thing in the world to make people so skeptical especially when you control all the media. Conspiracy theorists in general have been demonized. That's NOT by accident.
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't live in your country, 95% of the world doesn't live in your country... So no, I don't realize that, I'm sorry. Conspiracy theorists have been demonized because they are generally uneducated, have no actual knowledge of, or involvement in, the organisations they claim are 'controlling' us, and/or are clinically delusional. Your country is probably 'controlled' by people who are out there for their own personal gain, as is the case for most countries. Government is made up of a bunch of people who are trying to make it for themselves, as is almost every other system we have in place in modern society. I have not been taught to be skeptical of conspiracy theories because of a school syllabus, or because of media, or because of reverse-recorded messages on the radio. I'm skeptical because these claims are not supported by rational thinking and are contradicted by simple observations you can make while participating in society.
Enjoy your special knowledge and don't let anyone else have it :)
You seem to think I won't share this info by choice.. it's not by my choice.. it's because of the very way you responded to me when I just broached this subject. Look at all the downvotes I got. this happens any time i try to even bring this subject matter up.
Also, you are naive to think this is only in one country.. it's world wide. The "New world order" is REAL can you watch videos online? I have tried to give you some info to understand this. you claim Youtube videos aren't legit.. how else can someone get the info out if all other forms of media are controlled and the ones that aren't are ignored?
The funny thing is that i was like you before I woke up a few years ago. i laughed at people who made similar claims to mine now. But it's not our fault. We are doing exactly what we have been programmed to do.
Think about what you have done.. simply because I said I have learned something most in the world haven't you claim that is narcissism and delusional. Why when I make THESE specific claims do you jump to that conclusion?
It's not an accident.. that is precisely why this info can't be easily revealed. It's WHY it can't even be broached. That is why I am not able to just simply explain it...
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaand you've completed full circle and confirmed exactly what I was saying at the start :) Paranoia, narcissism, special knowledge, being unable to tell people what it is you know, these are EXACTLY what you see in a delusion. It's fine if you wish to believe this stuff, but I hope it doesn't effect your life negatively.
You are actually illustrating my point. You are proving how controlled we all are by your very responses. You have made a knee jerk reaction without looking at the evidence. You are simply stereotyping me based on preconceived notions and knee jerk reactions.
And you wonder why I can't say what i have discovered when you called me a crazy narcissist for bringing it up in a thread designed for bringing up stories people can't talk about...
You need to look up "cognitive dissonance"
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cognitive dissonance doesn't even remotely apply to this situation because that requires I believe what you are saying and are choosing not to, the reality is that I don't believe the stuff you said in your 2-year long essay. I responded this way after reading the drivel about 9-11 being an inside job, and now the stuff about a new world order. I'm not upset or angry, I'm just intrigued.
I'll give you some homework too, please look up self-fulfilling prophecy. 'I can't tell you this incredible information because you won't believe it anyway.'
Also, did you honestly just suggest that YouTube is the only platform for free speech? I'm glad you moved on from the naivety and programming that I am clearly suffering from, good for you. The next time I want to increase my knowledge base and escape the matrix I'll just head on over to YouTube and look for some poorly referenced docos. Enlightenment awaits me in the YT sidebar...
Have you ever considered that it is you who is the narcissist since you won't even consider the possibility that you are wrong?
The error you are making is to assume that because we have freedom to release any info we want that this means that it will be acknowledged.
This is why when you control all the media and education institutions you control what people will accept and what they won't. Sure they can READ whatever they want.. but will they come out and say they believe it if the majority of people are claiming they are insane just as you claim I am?
You won't even look at the evidence I have shown you. Narcissism?
You still haven't answered my question of how to tell the difference between someone who actually discovered these things and someone who is crazy. Both would sound crazy. For such an immense conspiracy to take place anyone who would discovery something like this when so few consider it would by nature have to sound crazy...
Tell us something we don't know...
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's not what narcissism means dude...
How is controlling education achieving anything? Learning algebra in grade 10 will not make someone unable to understand your theories. My subjects in school involved art, chemistry, english etc. How does this even remotely effect my ability to understand the secrets of society?History is a small part schooling and anyone with half a mind understands what is meant by history is written by the victors.
I looked at the evidence and it is not credible. The difference between someone who is crazy and someone who is not is that the crazy person has inconsistent beliefs and cannot support their beliefs with any evidence. You are providing evidence and presumably don't have any of the other symptoms associated with being 'crazy,' which is why I said you weren't - you're just incorrect and have collected your evidence from videos posted by random people on the internet. You have false evidence, which is why this isn't a real delusion, it's just a set of beliefs based off incorrect sources.
Your argument for why it's not believed is circular - people don't believe they are brainwashed because they've been brainwashed. Why didn't the brainwashing work on you? What did you do that broke you free of this oppression we are all secretly facing? I'm gonna assume it wasn't a red pill or a pair of nice glasses.
Because these subjects have been hidden since WWII. You need an understanding of science to really put the pieces of the puzzle together. Ask yourself this... why is the richest country in the world the worst at teaching their kids math and science?
Also, the people in science who could understand this are the most afraid to consider it's real.. because if they were to attach their names to it it would be career suicide. Watch this..
Keep in mind though.. this is just a small part of this whole thing..
Also, did you know that a journalist who had been exposing that MIT covered up positive results of this test on cold fusion was later killed under mysterious circumstances?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
If you are saying the US is the worst at teaching their kids math and science then I would say you are a bit slow. You have a massive variation in distribution of wealth, you have some of the best minds in the world, and some of the smallest minds in the world. The problems in the US essentially come down to greed, that is a fairly obvious answer.
Other uploads from the channel you linked me to include "Interdimensional Beings Run The Show. Period," so you can hopefully understand why I am skeptical. A documentary is a very, very bad place to get information from. Case in point (documentary aired in Aus convincing people that statins were bad for them - dangerous and just straight up bullshit), getting information from docos is the quickest way to point out that you are unable to think. Anyone with some money and a camera can make a documentary.
Please explain exactly what you are trying to say regarding cold fusion? That it actually works and has been completely covered up by the government? It was a theory that was not able to be reliably tested, it was plagued with poor scientific method and was laughed out because it could not stand up to scrutiny. If you are suggesting that it worked and was covered up because the government didn't want it to become a thing, then you need to seriously think idea that over.
What's your opinion on pharmaceutical companies? Can I also ask what you do for a job? Not intending to mock, just interested in your background.
How would you tell the difference between someone who was crazy as you say or someone who actually did discover world changing information that could get them killed or worse?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, I will be fair. You are not exhibiting the traits of someone who is actually crazy, but you are showing some signs of delusional behavior (narcissism alone is not delusional). You're mostly showing that you have a poor understanding of human nature and how society is run. The simple fact that people do not entertain your claims about US government conspiracies should be a red flag to you. You cannot use the excuse that everyone who doesn't believe you has been 'programmed' (brainwashed) to do so - this is getting into cognitive dissonance territory.
Your government has been known to cover stuff up, but every single time that's happened it's been to cover up dumb shit that they did. You have little reason to suggest that there is some great conspiracy going on, especially when government is just a large group of individual people (although I suspect you may disagree them being people?). I guess I can't really relate, it's an absolute joke the think the Australian government is possible of consciously, maliciously, and secretly doing anything - it's blindingly obvious why they do things. Have you seen our parliament debates?
See.. this is the problem though.. people don't realize how complex this whole thing is.
"it's an absolute joke the think the Australian government is possible of consciously and maliciously controlling anything."
Ask yourself this.. let's say the people in control of the US military were using it for evil purposes. Does this mean that everyone in the military is aware of this? Do you think the US military would think of itself as evil?
This is exactly how the whole thing is controlled. It's called compartmentalization. No one really knows what is going on except the people at the top. And all the people below are working under the belief they are noble freedom fighters.
Do you know that the citizens of Nazi Germany claim they didn''t know the holocaust was happening?
That's precisely why I posted that quote for you to read. he explained the same thing.
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for bringing up the Holocaust, are you familiar with the Milgram experiment? This was not a case of brainwashing, it was a case of people doing things because they were scared and/or under authority. It's also a case of how powerful racism can be. Nazi Germany was not a conspiracy, they were actually quite transparent with their motives.
What you are seeing is simply the result of politicians not actually requiring any kind of experience or qualification in the issues they make decisions about.
The German citizens did not know that the Jews were being killed and gassed and starved to death.
But think about what you are saying.. we are ALL under a form of authority.. that is the point I am trying to make to you. Peer pressure is an incredibly powerful thing. And as I said when you control all the outlets of society there is nothing people can do. They lose their career they lose their friends etc.
The Nazis also used false flag terrorism to justify WWII to their people. Our governments use the same methods such as 9-11 and things like columbine.. they paint conspiracy theorists as crazies at the same time and to prevent people from broaching the subject.
But this is really all beside the point... what you have to realize is that it is impossible for what i discovered to just be some delusion. To understand that you have to have gone through what I did to discover it.. this is precisely WHY I can't convey to others how I discovered what i did..
Imagine you had come to some incredible conclusion..... then when you went to go see if it was true there was all this irrefutable evidence showing that the conclusions you had come to were right.. so much so that it was irrefutable.
This is why I am so confident that what i have discovered is real...
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, what conspiracy occurred at columbine? It seems like you have a conspiracy theory for every notable event in american history.
what you have to realize is that it is impossible for what i discovered to just be some delusion.
Read over that again... I'll hang around for the columbine explanation, but I think we're done after that buddy :)
What if there were technologies that were even more dangerous than bombs and gadgets? What do you think the government might do in order to protect itself from that threat?
Why columbine? well let's say you are the government and you are worried about losing control of the world economy and global power because of these super technologies being released... how could you justify keeping them locked up?
You make it so it appears the masses can't even handle measly guns... how on earth could they possibly handle super technolgies. Plus we can even tak guns from the people this way.
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let's just re-cap here. You are suggesting, in your florid sanity, that columbine was set up by the government? The government were behind some kids going into a school, shooting other kids and then shooting themselves? How in the hell did they pull that off? Did they code subliminal messages into Doom? I really need you to explain, in detail, how the government logistically pulled off columbine. Please.
It's mind control.. mind controlled assassins. Research mind control it's a well known government project that goes back to the Nazis and was carried to the US by Nazis scientist we employed after the war.
This is all real.. this is what I was talking about how these subjects had been made to be ridiculed in the mainstream. the mainstream media doesn't take it seriously so YOU don't take it seriously. That's how conditioning works.
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll read this tomorrow. I have reasonable experience and a good understanding of psychology and psychiatry, and mind control is total bullshit. What you see in movies doesn't actually happen. Nonetheless, I'll entertain yet another youtube link tomorrow, it is getting late.
I want to be clear.. I do not know that these people are evil at the top.. they may be people who believe they are doing noble things. But think about someone in the military who has to allow innocent people to die to win the war.
But I have seen that people trying to get elements of this out have been killed.. then you have all the people on 9-11... the people in the wars that have died. etc
Let me ask you this... let's say that hypothetically a technology was discovered that could allow ANYONE to make a device as powerful as a nuclear bomb in their garage from materials that could be obtained from anywhere? Not only that but this technology would completely destroy the world economy?
How do you think the most powerful people in the world would respond to something like this?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
By shutting it down. Because it is unsafe and unwise to have that kind of technology available for individuals. It wouldn't be shut down because of the effect it would have on the economy, it would be shut down because it could hurt lots of people. This is why guns are illegal in Australia, because people are stupid and don't deserve to have guns. That is why anything that effects groups of people will be governed by a group of hopefully intelligent people who can make decisions together. This is how government in democracy works, it works poorly because people are total dipshits, but it's better than the alternatives because at least with democracy we have a chance to stop dumb shit from getting out of hand.
The people at the top may be evil, they may also be total idiots who think they are doing the right thing. The more likely explanation is that they are both smart and selfish - which implies they give no shits about you or what you think, as long as they are getting paid and are popular.
But you are missing something though... with all technology there is good and bad.
So what if by having to keep this dangerous technology secret.. you even have to keep this scientific knowledge secret to avoid the technology from being known?
So not only are you protecting people from the bad.. BUT keeping the good from them too?
What if there would be no gun violence or violence in general if all the good from these technologies was seen in our societies too?
If you knew that would you still be so certain that the people in power had our well being in mind?
Would you still think it's acceptable if they had to kill people to keep it secret and prevent society from developing?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because Joe Blow can't perform cold fusion in his backyard just because he's got a garden hose. You are showing a really poor understanding of science if you think cold fusion = backyard atomic bombs. Please slow down with your replies, I can't respond to 4 comments at once.
Like the truth about how our society developed before recorded history... like about secret societies all through recorded history. Secrets that these secret societies have kept.
When you look at all the info I have discovered it's irrefutable that these things are real... but this creates even more new questions about things we have been totally kept in the dark about. Many of these things I am afraid to know the answers to honestly because of what they seem to indicate.
Back in grade school I was a smart ass. I would do anything to piss of my bus driver just because he would always yell at me. One day in particular, he was extra douchey, so I opened the emergency door. He told the principle like a snitch. I got suspended from the bus for a week, so I and a couple of homies got a bunch of axe spray cans and rubber bands. Then before the bus would go on its route, we tossed the cans in the bus and gassed the whole thing to hell. Then right before school got out, we asked to go to the bathroom, we quietly went outside and gassed the bus again. My friends recorded the reactions of the 1st graders screaming and such. It was beyond amazing!
Edit: english
I'm in the most fucked up love triangle (I guess you can call it that) anyone could possibly imagine and I'm basically the one that is getting/got fucked over.
Basically, I like this girl. She likes me. She has a boyfriend. Me and him hate each other equally.
This happened to my friend this school year, but since he doesnt have a reddit i feel as if I should tell it for him.
He went to a house party at his college, and as soon as he gets there he immediately starts to drink. Its important that you know that he already came to this party drunk as shit. Anyhoo, some girl walked up to him and said "My friend likes your friend and I like you." So naturally he did what any rational person would do and took her to the nearest bedroom. While they were having sex in a chair and she was facing him, the second wave of liquor he downed hit him all at once and he threw up all over her. She asked him " Did you just throw up on me?" to which he replied "No!" and then he pulled his pants up and ran out of the house. He thought he'd catch a lot of shit for it, but the next time he went in the house everyone was giving him high fives because they thought it was awesome that he just threw up all over this girl when he was having sex with her.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:11:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Alright so this one time i was out in the woods with jasper (the one with the lazy eye) and he said to me "wouldnt it be great if we went fishing right now?" Keep in mind that neither of us are the "outdoors" type, well, not since the war. Anyways, we stop by the truck to get some fishing rods he bought down south a few weeks back and guess what we find? That's right, a baby alien. The first thing we did was take it back to the shelter and grill it on the ol bbq. Then the homie just starts yip yappin about how he hasnt recieved head in over a year so course jasper reaches for the lighter and rolls up a fatty. I still remember that day, when ronny yelled out "FUCK DID YOU JUST BLOW UP YUKON? THAT WAS NOT THE FUCKING PLAN DUKE" after our plan to invade southside chiraq went awry. You wont believe how drunk jasper got from that tiny ass line, it was astonishing. After that we promised to never go back to uranus again, we wont ever forgive ourselves for what happened to Buck last time we visited uranus. Poor Buck never had even been to space before. Anyways, we ended up somewhere in southeast asia working for a mere $1 a day cultivating poppy just so it could become heroin so some no life junky in new york could shoot it up his jugular to get a cheap thrill out of life. Jasper judt couldnt handle the finale, he was absolutely blown away when walter killed tony soprano. SHE DID STEAL THE GODDAMN AVOCADOS.Sweet jesus i swear i was so turned on at that moment that legend has it that my dick grew so big it conquered all of Estonia.Fast forward a few years and i now sit in my throne as the fresh prince of bel air. Moral of the story is: dont combine puppies with live hd streaming.
tl/dr: it was an interesting weekend
UPDATE: yes jasper has made a full recovery and is thankful for all the support
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:16:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This question right here is askreddit. Should be stickied or something.
2dab ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:22:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got a big shlong
jjc37 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:32:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was on student council in high school. At some point I was given a purchase order to go to the local drug store to buy $250 worth of soda to sell at basketball games or some shit.
I don't recall why, but I didn't do it and forgot about the PO after a while. Some time later I discovered it in my wallet and thought, "I'll save this for a special occasion!"
That special occasion turned out to be Super Bowl Sunday in 97 ( Pats vs. Packers). Two buddies and I went and used the shit out of that purchase order! I don't remember the price of a 12 pack of soda in 97, but we walked away with a truck bed FULL of soda! We lived like damn, ass, hell kings for a couple of weeks, taking 12 packs everywhere we went.
It all fell apart after a couple of weeks, one of the buddies who "purchased" the soda with me was forced to turn himself in by his parents. That ended with all three of us being suspended.
That was sorta the beginning of a bad time for me, I was already suspended when I got...extra...suspended for the soda. Ended up getting suspended a third time that month and ultimately expelled.
Reading the whole candy cartel story reminded me when my brother did something similar except inside a game by Nexon called Maplestory. After they started a "second job" thing (Your character chooses a profession such as black smith and mining), my brother started making giant potions. Giant potions made your character HUGE for a full minute. That was a huge advantage to selling it as no one can ignore that giant character shaking your screen (Jumping made the ground shake in the game). Everyone would ask who was doing it and they would say it is that giant dude advertising the giant potions. We made three different characters just for AFK store setup or storage. Within two weeks we maxed out the limit of mesos (Currency) for each character. We sold each potion for 5 million mesos at first. The max was 2.5 billion mesos for each inventory. We bought the rarest and most valuable equipments and all other shit. We were most likely the richest players in the entire damn game. We had players selling their clothes just so they could spend a few more minutes being big and shaking screens. Our rare equipment made others believe we were GMs (Game Master) and we had some of them following us around asking us to ban some people and all other stuff. Soon others began to follow after the giant potion business and the game market was filled with them. The price went to 3 million mesos each, and eventually to 1 million. One million didn't get us enough profit to make it worthwhile, so we are waiting for the inflation to pass.
got001 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:20:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am the WoW clichรฉ in that I fucked our guild's healer, many, many times.
We met through WoW. I knew she had a fiance, and 2 kids, a son and a daughter, and her fiance was working to put her through college, which she attended part-time and was a stay at home mom the rest of the time. It didn't matter, she told me that it was an engagement that would never culminate in a marriage, and she'd vent to me about the problems she had with him.
To be clear on this, I pushed her away many times but she was persistent. I even refused to tell her my real name for months (my guild didn't know it, I kept it pretty secret), just trying to keep a divide between the game and IRL. I clearly remember a time where I had to think to myself: do I just dive in head first and see where this goes? I went for it. We exchanged pictures, and she flew out to see me in CA. She spent 5 days at my place, and boy did we fuck like no other.
This went on for a year, with off and on visits: her meeting me, I meeting her. Several times, I'd stay at a hotel near where she lived, known to anyone but her. While her fiance was at work a couple of times, I'd go over to her house and fuck in their bed. I even met her kids once, brought them a present and she passed me off as a friend.
Eventually, it caught up to me: after 3 years of having this kind of relationship, it was clear that she just enjoyed cheating and was never going to leave him. So I broke it off, and we never spoke again. I never did tell him, not my place to really. It's not a moment I'm proud of, hence this troll throwaway account. But it happened, nonetheless.
Ok. My dad told me this and in this story he is 12ish. He is at church with three other friends. He tells friends 1 and 2 that he is going to fart and when he does look at friend 3. Friend 3 got quite the belting.
Some random guy got my number and started texting me. He called me stupid, and I said his mom was stupid. I then asked if he would like some ice for that burn. He said good comeback, and then I said "that's what your mom said after the second round". After that he left me alone
I hate these posts. I have a crazy story that happened to my best friend, I promised never to tell anyone.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:58:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my boyfriend were talking about didgeridoos and Queefs and what a queef would sound like down a didgeridoo. So he got a kitchen roll tube, you know like a long cardboard tube, and I queefed down it and it sounded like a didgeridoo. Happiness was made that day.
... And you've been waiting for this very post to tell it... Nothing else in your life has compelled you until now nor made you feel so safe. You may now breathe easy. OP has set you free!
It came to me with such force that I am certain it was fired from the muzzle of a rifle. All too suddenly the shaking in my hands stopped. The alternating chills and sweats subsided and I found peace. Concerned that I was going to die I sat up and waited for it all to end and when it didn't I was slightly let down. I remembered the pact I had made to myself that fall, "I will not see the other side of this winter". For so long the only thought in my mind was how she had left me. How she was gone. For two years I had drank myself nearly to death almost weekly in order to stop the images of her with all those other men. Determined, I climbed out of bed and began to take stock of my life. I wasn't dead, and she wasn't going to kill me if this addiction wouldn't. I had roughly 11 dollars to my name and with rent due in a week I did the only thing I knew how to do. I packed what I could carry in a bag and set out into the January night bound for the cape. I thought it would be a great place to dry out, but the cape is a bad place for an addict.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:24:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My family friend lived right next to a drug dealer. The dealer would produce crack inside his house.
While his little baby brother was playing on the street a car came up. The car went right near the baby and nearly drove it over. My friend's uncle saw this and got up. He ran to the car's window and starting smashing his fist into it, trying to break it.
He was screaming "Fuck you", the driver got pissed and tried driving on to the front lawn and into the house!
The uncle went into the garage and brought out a FUCKING SWORD! He started chasing the car and the car speed off.
When the cops came they were going to arrest the Uncle for having a weapon but it was blunt so they let him off and took a description of the car.
This is actually fairly honest for a twelve year old. I was expecting you to palm a ball, guess that color and then show the ball you palmed instead of the one that actually came out.
This is a Story that i thought of and i wanted to show to someone
The Angel
"Why are you crying? Wake up you sissy! You keep doing this all the time!" My sister said to me, and she was right, I was crying.
"I am not sure why... This happens all time! Shit what time is it? I ask her
"Not sure around 8ish."
"Oh no I will be late for school!" I scream while running down the corridor in my boxers trying to get to the bathroom.
"Make it quick you dumb ass! Oh yeah and happy birthday!"
I get ready as fast as I can and run towards the bus. I make it Just in time.
As I am in the bus I start to think about the morning. Why am I crying? I wonder. This has happened to me ever since I had turned 15. I have such a sad dream but I can never remember it! I just know that it is sad. I can remember a girl, but I can't remember her face or even what is happening in the dream.
The day goes by extremely fast, full of happy birthdays happy wishes. I am finally 16! I can't wait to finally get by permit to drive!
I should probably introduce myself. Name's Carter, finally 16 as you know and in love with books and video games. But I think my favorite thing would have to be fantasy books. They are way too amazing. Full of love and Passion, action and mystery. My wish was always to be a part of a fantasy story.
As I walk home tired after such a long day i decided to go over to the book store and buy myself a good book to read. I was thinking of going in a new direction and try a nice mystery book! As luck would have it they had the Sherlock Holmes books on sale! "What a lucky day!"
I get home later and to my surprise all my friends and family had made a surprise party for me!
"SUPRISE!" They all yell and congratulate me for such an amazing achievement. Achievement? That word confused me. Being 16 years old is not an achievement. Being 100 now that is an achievement.
The next few hours were a blur. Next thing I new I was in my bed reading my new book. After a while I thought it was time to fall asleep...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't cry my dear. I have served my purpose well. Just remember...cough....just remember that i love you..." She says to me.
"No Please dont go! I need you! I love you! How will i be able to live without you?" I reply, unsure why i said that.
"It is ok my love, Please...just dont forget me..." She replied.
Why was this beautiful woman crying for me? I could not understand. But all I know is that this woman is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Her ears pointed like an elf, long silky dark blond hair flowing down her shoulders, a face so pretty that it is as if someone took the moon, shining so bright and beautifully in the darkness of space, and the sunset, falling over the most calmest sea, melted them together and put it so graciously over her, not to waste or miss one spot.
She loved me... So much.... And she was dying.
"Please stay with me a while longer, I beg of you. I will follow you to the most highest point of heaven to bring you back!"
"Don't worry about me my love, he will destroy all of us before you have a chance to do anything! I will wait for you my love...please don't forget you purpose...cough.."
And then it happened, her dying figure, so bright and radiant, became as still as the sea right before a storm. Her radiance slowly disappeared. Her beautiful form, now lifeless.
"N...no..." I choke "Why... Why now... After all that we have been through... Why...."
I start to cry. I cried as if I had never cried before. She loved me, and I loved her. Then I notice a figure, standing in front of me, I do not know who it is but he is clocked in the darkest of fabric, flowing as if it is ready to suck me incas any moment. I wipe my tears and run towards him, anger burning inside of me....
~~~~~~~~~
I wake up sweating and crying. It is the middle of the night. I am breathing heavily and my hands are clenched as if they are holding a sword. But I am not holding anything. It was obviously the same dream I have had for the pat year now. But I finally remember all of it. All the love I felt for her was still here. But I did not know why and how. I have not met her before and I obviously did not see that clocked man before.
But that woman.. She was like an angel in the moonlight. I wish I could know more about her...
dan105 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:47:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This would be noticed since it would be buried deep, but last year when I was riding a tricycle (local transportation where I'm from), I saw a kid pulling a dog on its leash (which was just a rope). Then the kid started punching the dog's sides and the animal just too it all in. I was in a hurry and in the middle of the street (and I had not had the courage I needed) to stop the vehicle. So I when I reached my destination, I promised myself that when I go back there, I will save that dog.
So I rode another tricycle and kept hoping that they would still be on the same spot as they were. Sure enough, it was half true. The kid was gone but the dog was there, tied to someone's fence. The dog just sat there, so afraid to move.
So many thought went to my head: Should I let the dog go and move on or bring him home? I was also trying to be extra careful on approaching him since he might bite out of sudden rage, but I was normally not afraid of dogs.
I gatheredy thoughts and made a concrete decision to bring him home. After reassuring myself that the poor thing was harmless, I untied his rope and checked him for any wounds (and there werent). I got another ride and brought him home.
The sad and happy part of this story was the moment we climbed down the tricycle, as soon as I let him go, he rushes off. It was like he suddenly had this new found energy. I tried to catch him but never did.
Our neighborhood was big and maze-like, and the dog showed no signs of getting grabbed by me. I still think and worry about him from time to time and I am still confused whether I had done the right thing or not.
All I know is, I will never let someone else do that to an animal ever again.
I'm afraid to say that I honestly wouldn't. I would end up thinking how he'll probably waste it on alchohol or drugs anyways.
I feel like a ruined human :(
Maybe so. At that point it wasn't my call to make.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:00:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My bad went to sleep. Im one of the families suing the administration of the school for incompetence. Town interpreted it as me suing the town for being racists or something, so people got really pissed for a while. Its died down quite a bit since then thankfully.
LBD420 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:52:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well today at work I went to the stall to take a shit and discovered that someone else had taken the pleasure of wiping their ass and then wiping it across the toilet paper roll dispenser. Fucking disgusting, I knew the people I worked with weren't the cleanest, but come on.
Bobboy5 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:13:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Earlier this year my family and I were on the Eurotunnel (A train that goes underground between UK and France). We had parked up inside and my sister needed to use the loo. My dad accompanied her back 6 carriages because all of the ones near us were out of order. Just as they entered the carriage behind our car, a safety message played.
"Attention, Attention, we have detected a problem in an adjacent carriage. The passengers will be joining your carriage for the duration of the crossing."
We were at first worried to say the least. A few people came through the doors but none were our family. Turns out the carriage behind ours had filled with smoke, presumably from one of the cars. After we finally arrived at the station in Kent the doors opened and my dad and sister emerged. They had been in the carriage when it filled with smoke, but decided to turn back rather than brave the rest of it.
TL;DR Parent and sibling isolated in a train under the ocean for half a hour
My Grandads ww2 story. We have finally got it published and are selling it online via our website. www.23days.EU
So far we have got some very positive reviews of the book.
It is his memoirs that tell the story if what he experienced at the start of ww2 as a 16 year old Polish boy that joined a partisan group to fight against the invading Russian army.
It details his fighting and his arrest and brutal intorrgation by the Russians before being condemned to death and spending 23 days on death row. Amazingly he got his sentenced changed from death to 25 years hard labour in Siberia. He and a group of prisoners managed to escape the train taking them to Siberia and he managed to escape to Finland where he went to England.
He later returned to occupied Europe as a member of the Special Operations Executive.
Its an amazing story and if you like war stories its worth reading!
TLDR- Grind sesh at a local night club, results in awkwardly retreat from embarassing situation.
Went to go see dj Carnage at the local night club and I'm the type of person that goes to raves/shows mostly for the music and to give people light shows. When it comes to dancing with girls, my confidence is somewhat low. Usually takes me hour-two hours to build up the confidence to attempt dancing with one and twice that amount of time to actually grind with one.
So I get into a conversation with this l guy. Real chill dude, all no worries, living in the moment, telling me to never regret anything... ect ect. As were talking he points to two girls next to him and says"bro take your pic" and at this point I'm ecstatic that this random guy is being my wing man. The hotter of the two was dancing with the bro and so I decided to start dancing with the slightly less attractive friend. She asked for a light show and then afterwards it seems that she wanted to grind with me so we started to. As we started grinding her body movements became very unclear and it seemed as if she wanted to grind but didn't want to. As a result she distanced her self slightly but not enough to show we weren't dancing with each other At this point in my head I was thinking "maybe I'm not being assertive enough?" So I got closer, put my hand on her thigh and we start grinding for a good 10seconds before she awkwardly turned around and goes to talk to her friend, to which I skedaddled my way at of that situation as fast as a awkward redditer could. Overall it was a win because I actually did something instead of staring at a girl thinking what would of happened if I asked her to dance with me. Also got to touch a girls butt, that was nice too.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TL;DR I had wonton soup in a store and started screaming swag like wonton soup, because after all, I am Based God. I got kicked out. Blasphemous store.
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'
Yoooooooo...Here's a little story that must be told,
about the Dursleys, who lived at Privet Drive, number four.
Papa Vernon was drill earnin', runnin' grunnings, a fat cat with no neck, nah, nothin'.
Spouse Petunia, the long necker fence checker,
neighborhood gossip spreader.
one prodigy, name of Dudley, ain't no boy finer anywhere, duh, G.
Add to this perfect picture one secret, the Dursley clan'll flip if anyone done leak it.
Story starts on a Tuesday morning, dull, gray, and boring,
Vernon had no warning.
Hopped in the car, stayed paused, still, a cat's reading street signs nah that can't be real.
Double take the cat ain't doin' shit roll to work chew five people out, morning perfect.
Until lunch time, stomach start rumbling, head to the bakery and send a midget tumbling.
Try to apologize, he smiles wide, says "rejoice, you-know-who subdued, ya muggle, we overjoyed."
On the way back to work, it gets even worse, people in getups talking "the potters, that's what I heard."
snap at the secretary to hold my phone calls up, dail pentunia to see what's up.
but midway had to pause, no need to put 'Tunia in peril, his name might be harvey, or even harold.
Fuck it, grind the rest of the day out,
forget 'bout all dis shit till the evenenin' news play out
somethin' in the news speak to me, ask petunia if she heard from her kin recently.
She gets mad amped, so V keeps his jaw clamped,
Fam head to bed, flick off the lamp.
Vernon think, if the Potters got beef, it ain't affect us,
little did he know how wrong he was.
Please do not let this get buried! A few days ago I remembered this story, and have felt so guilty since remembering.
So here it goes- Almost exactly a year ago My husband and I got our first house, and a few weeks later decided to get a puppy since I was 5 months pregnant. We figured it would be good practice to get one. And we thought it would help me be tolerant of having the house dirty once in a while. After getting pregnant, I became a neat freak and had to mop every day. Well, we found a Rottweiler puppy thru a friend and named her Sadie. And a month after getting Sadie my husbands parents asked if we could dog sit their pup as well. We agreed, and the two were inseparable. We kept their pup(Callie) for a week and a half. A few days into the stay I let the puppies out to play, and was mopping. I use a water bottle mixed with Pine-sol to mop, and poke a hole in the top so I can squirt it on the floor as I go. Well, at the time my pregnant brain was soooo bad. Keys in the fridge, shoes in the pantry, wallet on grocery store shelves.. Etc. so back to the pups, I let them out continued to mop an then realized they had run out of water. So I just grab a water bottle and pour them some more water.
As soon as they saw me open the back door, they run over an start drinking what I pour. And as I'm pouring I notice it's creating bubbles in their water bowl. I immediately notice and push them away as their tongues are in the Pine-sol water mix. They both start coughing and run off.
I stand their and beg them to come back so I can give them loves. But they just run off, and start chasing each-other. I didn't think about it again until the next day when they refused to drink anything. At the time it was 100 degrees+ every day. So I know they were thirsty, but they just didn't trust me.
To this day, I still feel so bad.
You have to forgive yourself, especially since you had a case of the baby brain. :) Don't feel guilty. You didn't mean it. I know how crappy it can make you feel to not be able to go of old mistakes, but it does nothing besides give you a sour stomach.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So my brother and his girlfriend went away a little while ago. They were driving down to the place and they saw a hitchhiker about their age and he looked ok so they decided to help him out.
So he gets into the car with this huge duffel bag and sits in the back. As they're driving they start talking about different things but as they talk, my brother starts to wonder what's in the bag. About five minutes later he says to the guy "what's in the bag because it's really big and looks heave?" Immediately the hitchhiker starts acting weird and says "Mind your own fucking business!"
Now they're starting to worry a bit and drive further. After about half an hour my brother and his gf are seriously starting to worry so again he asks "what's in the bag?" Now the guy gets really angry and screams "Mind your own fucking business!"
Now they're really scared so about five minutes later they see a little gas station and they pull in there and say that they're going a different way so he should probably go his own way from there. The hitchhiker gets out and starts walking away and they quickly get going again being all freaked out from the whole situation. A few minutes later his gf looks in the back and sees the duffel bag is still there so with the curiosity getting the better of them she opens it and looks inside. So what was in that huge bag you might say...
Let's see...my best friend is know as my second girlfriend heroine..(he's a guy).... My parents told my girlfriend our lamp looks like a boob.... My parent have done a lot of noteworthy stuff to my girlfriend.... (im sorry _______)
rennaps ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:59 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 16 I banged my best friends sister, and accidentally knocked out her while we were doing the deed. Needless to say I stole their pizza and left and they thought a break in happened.
So basically I had an "unpopular" friend (I was "unpopular" too but that's a diff story). We started this prank where we pretended that weekly party's happened, AND EVERYONE WAS INVITED...except our friend. We exaggerated obviously (told our brother that EVERYONE got laid, and sex (butter) was happening at these parties). Anyways, this went on for about a month, and IT GOT WORST. At the end we had him believing that we had a friend who hacked NASA, and another friend who wouldn't talk to you if you weren't "cool" with him. Anyways it ended pretty badly, man it was awful. Our brother was suicidal and we all felt terrible.
....fuck Highschool.
ThiS iS pRoB gOnNa GeT bArRiEd BuT i HoPe U rEaD iT.
dpod42 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was trying to convert one of my friends one day as we were walking on the sidewalk. Nothing I said seemed to make an impact. Then a stranger came by so we both kept silent. He got ahead of us and started doing dribble tricks with his basketball. Then he slowed down to a stop and then turned back. He said, "I don't know why, but I had this sudden urge to ask you guys this. Do you guys know Jesus?" We were both shocked, and he layed down his testimony and my friend became a believer that day.
None of my friends believe the story except for the two of us who experienced it. God bless you guys :P
I heard the most amazing story from a friend's coworker the other day about his 21st birthday. I recommend you really read the entire thing:
So he's all pumped up to go out and get drunk, ready to have a great night in his new red shirt...but then it all started when he got to the bar. He was so caught up dancing like a goof that he didn't get a chance to drink. Then he sees a hot girl dancing on a platform, so he climbs up and joins her. She says "You're cute! What's your name?" "I'm-" when suddenly a pair of huge hands grabs him by his ankles, and swings him off the stage onto the floor. He went airborne and hit something on the way down, splitting his chin open. Then he was picked up by two huge men and thrown out the back door. No explanation. A cop was standing outside and asked him for ID and whatnot, so he gave it to them. Next he walks down the street to a strip club, mind that it's like 3AM. After paying at the door he goes in and sees no chicks. They all went home, and so did almost all the employees. He goes into the bathroom to wash his face off, and when he comes back he sees all the lights off. He tries to leave the front door but he could hear that it's dead bolted on the outside. He hears laughing and sees one light on in another room, and sees an emergency exit door proped open a little. Then he sees two men laughing at a table, talking and exchanging money. A SHIT LOAD of money was piled on the table. Probably thousands... and something illegal going on. He tried to sneak to the exit when they heard him. A guy came out from a shadow and chased after him. He ran pretty far and accidentally ran into an alley. Now he was trapped. Suddenly a group of men lurked out from behind dumpsters in the alley and threatened to kill the man chasing him. The group of guys offered him a ride back to the bar so he could go home. He got in and noticed all of them were wearing red shirts.... with red cloths/bandanas around their neck and arms...
Shit. The bloods. He was wearing his new red shirt and they thought he was a blood too! They smoked a ton of weed while they drove and he ended up getting high. Eventually he got home and just couldn't believe what happened. He didn't get a chance to drink, but had the strangest night of his life.
The FUTURE......like Christ......I had to literally die to be able to go there and view it...I suffered terminal cancer until I vomited everything that I put in my mouth for 3 years and weighed a mere 65 pounds with 10 of those pounds as fluid in my legs, my knees were the size of footballs, I couldn't walk and did not have enough energy in my cancer ridden body to even talk.....I WAS TOLD I WOULD DIE AND WAS NOT EVEN OFFERED CHEMO......I took nothing for the cancer and now I cannot eat food as my body is purified ......I jog 8 km every day......I stand before you a dead man......like Christ I have risen from death in spirit.....I am cancer free and live without eating food.
When I was 13 my friends Dad told me a rhyme I instantly committed to memory and not long after happened to be reading a playboy mag when I came across (puntatstic I know!) the joke section just near the centrefold and noticed they pay you for sending in your jokes and thought "Why not!" So I sent it in and got a cheque back in the post for $25 !!!! That was a lot of cash for me then.
My Joke (rhyme)
There once was a bishop from Buckingham,
Who was thinking of tits and of sucking 'em,
While watching the stunts of the cunts on the punts,
And the tricks of the pricks who were fucking 'em!
I wish I had kept the cheque, but I did cash it and as a 13 year old walking up to the bank teller with a playboy cheque to cash (even had the black bunny sign on it) I was quite rosy cheeked and got a knowing look from the lady bank teller!!
Saved comment
very_large_ears ยท 1445 points ยท Posted at 07:16:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So when my youngest daughter was maybe four years old, she and I headed to the shopping mall one afternoon. While there, I have to pee and realize I have no choice: I have to take her into the mens' room with me.
I go into a stall (usually reserved for people sitting down to do their business) and with my kid standing behind me, I unzip and start peeing. She edges forward to look at my equipment (which she hadn't ever seen before) and after staring at it, she points and says: "Daddy, is THAT your pee pee?"
I realize there's about 10 other guys in the quiet bathroom who are certainly listening and I feel all self conscious. I try and stay all calm and nonchalant and stuff and say: "Uh, yes honey. That's my pee pee."
She tightens her neck and retreats a couple of inches and says: "Well it sure is UGLY."
The whole room erupted in laughter. Every guy in the place was laughing his ass off -- including me.
pagecko ยท 386 points ยท Posted at 16:31:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently, when I was little, I too had a trip to the men's room with my dad, wherein, when someone else occupied the stall next to us, I whipsered loudly, "Daddy, is that man pooping? Don't let him poop! I don't want him to poop. Tell him to go away!"
And laughter ensued.
lovellama ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 16:34:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Total opposite: a friend's 5yr old daughter was watching another friend change her son's diaper. The 5yr old points to the boy's penis and says "I like that!"
[deleted] ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 18:19:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There really is no appropriate reaction to that other than "Oh god no."
[deleted] ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 16:32:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I definitely thought this was going to end in someone thinking youre a pedophile lol. Im so glad it didnt go that directio. Hilarious story. Kids are fantastic
Semyonov ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:42 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I find it funny that we can say kids are fantastic, but if you say 4 year olds are fantastic all of a sudden people get upset.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:17:42 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this comment would've made more sense to me if I could hear your tone of voice. It's just not landing lol
A3P ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:28 on May 25, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If there were any women in that washroom you can bet that the story would have head in that direction.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 03:59:07 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lol, why do you say that?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:12:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
well, I have been working on my prose as of late......j/k. just imagine if I'd put an ellipsis after "kids are fantastic" with a "mi gusta" face.....now that....would've been funny (creepy)
dannyphantoms ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:08:30 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I saw my dad's "pee pee" for the first time I said "daddy, you have a tail!" and then proceeded to build a "tail" (actually a penis) out of lego when I got home because I wanted to be like dad.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:31:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Laughing while peeing is a tricky feat to come out of dry.
cl0udkick3r ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:33:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Must have been alot of piss on the walls that day.
WiggleBooks ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:28:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haahaha, have you ever told your daughter that story now that she's older?
GuybrushDeepwood ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:33:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is so fucking great... Your daughter is adorable! Haha.
Cold_Reader ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:13:51 on May 16, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I read your story!
A_Cold_Canadian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:22 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your pee pee droops in shame
[deleted] ยท -103 points ยท Posted at 14:06:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 17:13:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahaha have a upvote. Jk, have this downvote.
very_large_ears ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:05 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Juliet -- you're hilarious. You made me laugh.
NevrDrinksNDraws ยท 1227 points ยท Posted at 07:20:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Short version: I almost hit two little boys while driving to the mall. Ages 2 and 4 โ they were filthyโฆand dressed only in their underwear โ no shoes, shirt, coats โ nothingโฆand literally standing in the street on a cold, rainy, Florida fall morning. I would have hit them if the van in front of me hadnโt reacted so suddenly โ I followed suit and swerved โ missed them by inches. Turns out, their mother was a loser who was passed out on drugs that morning and these two little boys were left to fend for themselves - so, somehow they wandered their way onto one of the busiest roads during morning rush hour. What was originally a short trip to the mall ended up with me almost killing two babies โ then assisting the police once they arrived (the boys were petrified of the police) and giving my testimony to the District Attorneyโs office.
A year later, I received a call from the dad in Ohio who had been trying to get custody of the kids for the past two years. Turns out, my testimony was instrumental in convincing the judge to grant him full custody - and he called to thank me. Good Guy Dad.
TL;DR: Some mothers donโt deserve a Happy Motherโs Day.
Edit to thank everyone for the karma - and to add details:
It was an unusually cold and wet morning for Florida - mid 40's. I'd just dropped off my 7 year old son at elementary school and had my 4 year old daughter with me in the car. It was cold enough for us to wear long sleeves and semi-heavy jackets. Definitely not warm enough for just underwear - and add to that the cold, intermittent rain.
It's been many years since this happened - and retelling the story here brought back the same sinking feeling of horror that I felt the moment I realized just how close I came to hitting the little boys. That morning was full of emotions - relief that they were okay, confusion, the overwhelming mother bear feeling to protect these two little lives....and finally disgust and revulsion upon seeing where they had been living.
Several police squad cars arrived at the office where we had taken the boys and as it turns out, one of the officers was familiar with the boys. Upon seeing the police, the smallest boy tightened his death-grip around my neck and the four year old was now clinging to my leg - they were terrified and crying loudly. Of course my daughter thought all of the excitement was a great adventure and she kept asking why the boys weren't dressed, why were they crying, why did they smell so bad (both boys smelled strongly of urine), and if we could take them home with us. The entire situation was unreal and profoundly sad.
Since the boys were in such distress, the police officer in charge asked if I could help them by putting the boys in my car and following them to their mother's apartment. With one squad car in front and two behind me, we traveled maybe 7 or 8 blocks down a road that ran next to the industrial building we'd just been in.
By this time, the boys had calmed down some and were playing with my daughter and her toys in the back seat. We drove up to a row of neglected townhouses...the worst one being the boy's home. The small front yard was a mess of wet garbage, appliances, dirty toys and mud. There was a dirty white sheet hanging in the large downstairs open window. The sheet was blowing out the window since there wasn't a screen. The front door was wide open. From my car, I could see through the open window all the way to the back of the townhouse - where there was another open window and door. The inside of the townhouse didn't appear to be any better than the outside - no furniture to speak of - just garbage, clothes, and toys strewn about.
The officers asked me to stay with the boys in the car while they investigated the home and they added that someone with child protective services was on their way. Just about the time CPS arrived, the officer in charge came out of the house and told me they'd found the mother passed out on the floor in an upstairs bedroom. We managed to get the boys in the CPS van without too much drama. The officer then asked me to leave the scene since the mother was awakened but violent - she was being arrested and he didn't want my daughter to witness that - I wholeheartedly agreed.
It wasn't until I drove away that I noticed how badly I was shaking. That's when I began to cry.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 14:27:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for taking the time to testify. You essentially saved those boys lives. So amazing that you got a follow up from the dad.
NevrDrinksNDraws ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:19:48 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was glad to do it. Anything for those sweet boys. I added more details to the original post. Thank you for your positive comments.
themasterof ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 13:24:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How courts managed to decide that a mother like that should have custody is something I will never understand.
Fender6969 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 14:27:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Our wonderful court system. Mother always gets custody unless there is something incriminating enough.
elfo222 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:30:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But the patriarchy!
queen-nymeria ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 14:32:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think the idea that only women should care for children is a feminist one.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:18:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was when NOW was campaigning for sole custody.
Pandaburn ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:36:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, this is an example of patriarchy. It's not always good for men (or boys in this case).
themasterof ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Visit saudi arabia, a country where there is no feminism. There, the father always get custody (if a divorce happens).
Sex4Vespene ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bet it is a feminist idea that men have it better in all cases, which is obviously not true in child custody matters. I'm referring to extremist cunt feminism though, not just regular feminism.
boydeer ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 14:55:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
if the woman doesn't want custody, she can give it to the guy. if she says "financial hardship", the guy will have to pay or he will have to take the kids. women having more rights isn't the patriarchy, and feminism is some crazy fucking kool aid.
gonejellyfishin77 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:13:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A loser drug addict wants custody of the kids to get money whether it be child support to spend on drugs, welfare money to spend on drugs or food stamps to be traded 50 cents on the dollar to get drugs. Why on earth would she give the kids to the guy?? Not gonna happen.
boydeer ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 16:16:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
what i'm saying is women have the right to relinquish custody if they don't want it.
elfo222 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 15:12:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't say so either, but I don't think the concept of the patriarchy is an essentially feminist one either. This concept that all men are inherently privileged and have it easier in all aspects of life is ridiculous. This man lost his house and his livelihood because he was male, and then once he was out on the streets he likely there was likely no place for him to go as there are very few shelters for men or both genders as compared to those for just women. 'Male Privilege' right there.
NevrDrinksNDraws ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:17:15 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. I added additional detail to the original post.
boydeer ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
women by default get custody. she just has to clean up a little, then you can tell the judge she's a junkie, and she tells the judge you beat her, and the judge believes her because she's a woman.
Shedya ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:27:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I find this so unfair, even though I'm a woman I just cannot understand why we get custody by default. It's like...Men automatically aren't "fit enough" to raise a kid on their own because they have a penis? Really, wtf, it should be discussed or something, it's a right they both have as long as they're decent people.
goodthings ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:33:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should tell the long version of this story over at r/lifestories.
NevrDrinksNDraws ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:27:27 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I probably should. I have a couple of things that have happened during my lifetime that would probably qualify. BTW, I edited the original post with additional details about that morning.
Raincoats_George ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:08:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Funny how that would require 2 years. Think it might go a little faster given the details.
4rt3m1s ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:02:25 on May 27, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Up vote for being a wonderful human being in an extremely coldhearted world.
NevrDrinksNDraws ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:32 on May 31, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awe, thanks - and you're right, it can be so cold-hearted.
BlackCloud9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You lost me at "cold" and "florida". XD
Florida native, everywhere else is the real cold when you move out of the state. I feel like a reptile laying in the sun when I go back home.
Or maybe Floridians are just really conditioned to the heat. Anything under 65 in the sun is slightly uncomfortable.
j_erv ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:39:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
x
NevrDrinksNDraws ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:23:14 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're correct - it was in the 40's that morning. I edited the original pot to add details.
BlackCloud9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:24:19 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever the temperature, you did the right thing.
BlackCloud9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:36:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh.. I was in way south florida
NevrDrinksNDraws ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:21:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It happened in the tampa bay area - it was in the 40's that morning. I added more details to the original post.
GrizzlyBCanada ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:46:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Rainy, I can believe...Florida and cold in the same sentence don't fit though. Unless the sentence is..."Florida isn't cold".
gonejellyfishin77 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:25:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We used to go to Florida every year for vacation when I was little. One year it snowed. There was no heat in our motel room. It was cold. It can happen.
Now I live in Arizona. I am cold when it gets 70 degrees and freak out when people visiting from the Midwest or Canada want to go swimming. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and they're in swimwear...
Sorrypenguin0 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:00:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You say cold Florida morning, I assume it was about 75?
somethingyousee ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:14:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
drug addict mother leaves her 2 kids unattended, dirty and what not. Requires testimonies etc to grant custody to dad. Fuck this law system.
NevrDrinksNDraws ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:21 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Edited the story - added details.
nwebb92 ยท 677 points ยท Posted at 10:48:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
This is my father's story. In 1975 he was 18 years old. The Lao Monarchy had fallen and communism had taken over. My family and almost everyone who was Hmong (minority group in Laos) had allied themselves with the Royal Lao Army & the American CIA. When the Kingdom of Laos fell; the new communist government released a statement saying; "They would exterminate the Hmong people to the last root."
Because my grandfather was a ranked official; under General Vang Pao (the Hmong Leader) he feared for the life of his family. When evacuation took place in mid May 1975; my grandparents and their 11 children were not allowed to board the planes as all the aircraft were packed to full capacity. They were told more planes would be coming, but none returned. So my grandfather decided that the only way to save his family was to travel by foot into Thailand.
While traveling through the jungles of Laos; my family were with other groups of Hmong people. A family in the group had three kids who were no older than 2 years old. Halfway through the trek, the patriarch of the other family comes to my dad and ask if my dad could help carry his son who barely knew how to crawl. My dad said yes, but my grandfather said if the baby started to cry or soldiers were seen my father would no longer carry the baby. (Meaning my dad's life would come first) The other man agreed as it was a desperate time. As they made their way across the jungle; they stumbled across group of Communist soldiers. Shots were fired and everyone ran. My dad remembers the father of the baby being shot dead and another child about 10 or 11 dieing in front of him. My dad continued to run with the baby in his arm. After running for a while, my dad was completely separated from his family. He was alone with a baby. He walks through the jungle towards Thailand; sobbing thinking his family were all dead.
After a few days, he stumbles across a herd of four Elephants. They are trumpeting very loudly. As my dad moves closer, he sees that an elephant had died and her front leg was destroyed. (Most likely due to a mine.) He carries on, but the baby he is carrying is very hungry and crying. My father has been feeding the baby water and things he can find from the jungle floor. My dad's worse fear is realized when he sees three communist soldiers. They can hear the baby and run towards my dad. My dad hides the baby under a bush and leaves. As my dad walks away he cant forgive himself for leaving the baby so he returns. He finds himself in front the soldiers. They have him on his knees and tell him that they are going to kill him and the child. My dad pleases with them in Lao. Luckily my dad was carrying my grandparents silver so he bargains with them and they escape with their lives.
Once at the Thai/Lao border he had to cross the Mekong River to the other side. The current was fast and the water was murky. Because he couldn't swim with the baby with him. He decided to build a make shift raft. As he searches for supplies he come upon a mass grave of 20 to 30 dead Hmong people by the riverbed. He panics and heads further south. But yet again soldiers emerge and the only thing he could do was jump into the river. So he plunges in with the baby. As he struggles to make his way to the other side, they open fire at him in the water. The strong current helps him and takes him further from the soldiers. He finally gets into Thailand and finds that the baby is not breathing. My dad tries desperately to revive the baby. He tries everything but finally he smacks the baby on the back a couple of times and it comes back to life. They walk on and finally arrive at a Refugee Camp. My dad can not find his parents or siblings anywhere. He cries, thinking they have died. Luckily my dad finds his uncle (Grandpa's younger 1st Cousin) there. My dad hands over the baby to his Aunt to breast feed since she too has an infant. My Grandparents arrive to the same exact camp about 2 weeks later. My dad has never been so happy in his life to see his family. Although, he discovers his 5 year older brother had been shot and died from his wounds.
Fast forward to 2014- My father is now 57 years old and he has 4 kids of his own and a a boy due this month on the 19th. The baby he carried across into Thailand was adopted by His Uncle & Aunt. I now call him Uncle Johnny. Uncle Johnny got married and now has 3 kids of his own.
[deleted] ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 11:06:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's an amazing story, thank you.
jimbro78 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 19:25:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This could be a movie, what an incredible story. Thank you for sharing.
Aruu ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 14:21:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Such an inspiring story. Such a shame this got buried!
circusgame ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:38:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I cried at your story. Wow. You should write a short story, what a terrible thing to happen. Amazing!
robdag2 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:07:31 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great story, but I don't understand this part:
If he had the silver on him, how can he use it for bargaining? The soldiers could just kill him and take the silver.
Toilet_Punchr ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:51:21 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
those soldiers were just humans too and maybe they werent so much fucked up to kill a baby and his father .. so they took his silver to not appear "weak" maybe ? Who knows .. At least thats what i would do i guess if i were one of those soldiers.
VeradilGaming ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:16:32 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At first i didnt read the silver and was really confused
sbbln314159 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:51:16 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nazi soldiers sometimes did this in WWII. I don't get it either. Like, you're cruel enough that you'd outright shoot a man and a baby, but you have enough decency to keep your word not to shoot them after the man pays you not to.
AbanoMex ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:51:14 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
because even if they have the capacity to do such things, they also dont want to feel like thieves, they are soldiers first, so they accept the deal because of that.
JustPrincess ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:23:49 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My thoughts exactly
HairyStickibud ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:56:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's an amazing story and I am impressed your father had the strength to persevere through such a journey.
Also, totally unrelated but my birthday is on the 19th so if your brother arrives on time tell him a random stranger on the internet shares his birthday and wishes him well.
ShamusNC ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:28:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As if you didn't know it, your dad is a bad ass.
ImTheHeroRedditNeeds ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:56:02 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP probably knew already. it must be hard to walk with balls that big.
AwolRJ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:57:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great story, with great ending!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:10:03 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, your dad could publish that story.
RagingVoodooSorcerer ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:08:14 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's...so tragic and beautiful. I'm sorry to hear what your family went through but glad to hear things are good now.
undrtow218 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:46:45 on May 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know that needs to be a movie right? No extra love subplot bullshit or extra drama, just all of that filmed in Thailand
aLoadOfChode ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:24 on May 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for sharing your father's amazing story
sam15mohsen ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:43:21 on May 27, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is an amazing tail.
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 23:25:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you should have lied about the ending and said you were the baby he carried. That would have made it even cooler
[deleted] ยท 3214 points ยท Posted at 06:40:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Downvote_Downunder ยท 1528 points ยท Posted at 09:56:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Happy Mothers Day
falsoitaliano ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 13:48:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Does this mean he never has to buy her a mother's day gift?
smearley11 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 14:05:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot to get you something mom, but remember that one time I saved your life? You can thank me later.
deabag ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:03:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no, that would be if he remembered the permission slip the day before
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He gives her a pen, because she forgot hers in the tower to sign the permission slip.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 13:23:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not crying, It's just my allergies.
loulibra ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:29:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dark. I like it!
Dat_username_tho_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Little late.
[deleted] ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 13:15:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
, bitch
Deus_T-Rex_Machina ยท -19 points ยท Posted at 13:31:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just downvoted you so feel free to downvote me
aarong914 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 15:14:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've never downvoted before, I FEEL SO ALIVE!!!
Deus_T-Rex_Machina ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:20:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Promptly upvoted
tigerking615 ยท 945 points ยท Posted at 07:58:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. I was getting chills from that expecting the worst.
What was it like when she got there? What did she say?
nostalgic_dinosaur ยท 751 points ยท Posted at 09:27:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She was just relieved that I was okay. At the time, we didn't even realize what my "forgetting" had actually done. Everyone was both shocked and trying to figure out what had happened.
By the time the second plane hit, we were only shocked.
eramaanviimeinen ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:53:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bet she's super grateful :)
Dynalink ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 11:50:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
May I ask, did you personally witness the plane making contact?
Sorry if the question makes you uncomfortable, I understand.
nostalgic_dinosaur ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 13:02:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't be, I've told this story many times and I've gotten many questions in return.
Of the many things I saw that day I never expected to see in my life, the point of impact on towers 1 and 2 were not among them. Our classroom window, as large as it was, faced our sister school, Stuyvesant High, literally blocking out our view.
We only felt the ground shake a bit after each plane hit.
Dynalink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:32 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank-you I appreciate your response.
mhende ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 12:37:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Since he was in school, I'm guessing no.
Hammergear ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:42:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP was in school only a few blocks away, so maybe?
mhende ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:07:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Highly unlikely they would be in a classroom that has a window facing the corrected direction, no other buildings in the way, and no reason to be watching the WTC on what was a perfectly normal day.
Fantom1107 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:31:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, you're saying there's a chance?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:52:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man shit got even scarier when the second plane hit... no one knew how many there were going to be
feldamis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:26:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I always get yelled at when I forget stuff. >.>
onlinealterego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
| By the time the second plane hit, we were only shocked.
Fuck.
lordfaultington ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:47:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Little tip, use > to make the blue line.
onlinealterego ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:20:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
theogen ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 11:41:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did she end up signing it
FallenCapsicum ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 12:49:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Such a cliff hanger. ..
viper9172 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:24:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP plz
Whiteout- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:03:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Asking the important questions.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
reddit
asking the hard hitting questions
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He made a paper plane with it. If you see what I mean.
irunxcforfun ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 12:16:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"I may have inadvertently saved my mothers life." No, you DID save your mothers life.
nostalgic_dinosaur ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 12:41:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
People have told me this too haha. The reason I say "may have" is because the 40th floor wasn't directly impacted by the plane. I think the impacted floors were 100 and up if I'm not mistaken?
Robo-Connery ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 13:20:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Almost everyone below the impact floors got out. I'd rather have her leave before the planes hit though...
MannoSlimmins ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:29:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather the planes not have hit in the first place
Robo-Connery ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:40:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dunno what permission slip you'd have to forget to get signed to get that result.
MannoSlimmins ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:46:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe the planes hitting wasn't some terrorist conspiracy. Maybe OP set in motion some very bad events when he went to the zoo that day. Events that wouldn't have happened if he hadn't gone. The future sent back those planes to take out
Sarah ConnerOPs mom to prevent those eventsHDZombieSlayerTV ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:40:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
depends which tower.
Tower 1 was hit between floors 93-99 and Tower 2 between floors 77-85
irunxcforfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I misread your post. I thought that was the affected floor.
AbigailRoseHayward ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:15:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There was a chance that she would have survived anyway.
jmalbo35 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's funny how in this situation everyone will say he saved her life, but if it were somehow reversed (say she had the day off but the kid needed something she left at work, so she went into the office to grab it, or something) and she died, nobody would dare say that the kid killed her.
MightyNafe ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 10:28:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My god that's incredible. I hope you used it as a way to get things. "No nostalgic_dinosaur, no more candy" "DUDE! I SAVED YOUR LIFE!" etc.
Modest_Gaslight ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:53:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I now have you tagged as "Possibly Desmond from Lost".
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:06:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I went to that school! Who was your teacher?
nostalgic_dinosaur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:49:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Cheers! I had many teachers while I was there, I forget half of them. My favorites were Mr. Aboleda, the spanish teacher, he would always play spanish songs and make us learn them as a way to learn the language. My voice sucked but it was good stuff.
Alex, my social studies teacher was just that cool teacher that everyone liked, he made learning fun.
What year were you?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a spanish teacher named ms martinez. My homeroom teacher was Ms. Morel.
thepeopleshero ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:42:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn.
SlimSteele ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 09:38:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy cunt hair. That is incredible.
A_favorite_rug ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:44:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wat
THIS_POST_IS_FAKE ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:39:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Vaginal pubic hair on large women is considered holy in some religions because a cows are sacred.
A_favorite_rug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wuht
NOT_HEARING_AID_BOT ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:59:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A_favorite_rug ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:42:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you
Gottheit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:18:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get to go to the zoo?
tetangata ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:28:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow!
dryarmor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:55:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's crazy... Where is this dinosaurs gold?
Davecasa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good thing you were still so young too, or you would have probably just forged it.
ozmotear ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:33:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Same thing happened to my Aunt. In 93 when the first terrorist attack occurred my cousin was sick at school and she had to turn back mid commute. Turned out he faking to stay home. Second time he was legit sick and she stayed home to bring him to the doctor. She worked at a law firm and a number of people she worked with died. :-(
Edit- I'm going to check with my aunt, my cousin was a hypochondriac when he was older and i think i have the two events reversed. Turning around mid commute, is key to one of the events.
TheSoccerKitten ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:36:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow. It's scary how such little things can have such a profound impact on our lives.
Good on you for forgetting the signature!
Dubsland12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:44:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have kept that slip. Wow
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:55:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're a goddamn hero, and don't forget it. I don't know you, but I respect you and love you.
nostalgic_dinosaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me. I just really happened to luck out when it really counted.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:30:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Semyonov ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:51:28 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just wondering (because I was in the same grade at the time), but what kind of kid that age knows the flight number of their parent's plane?
I mean I would have known my dad was flying, but specifically the flight number? No way.
Lambda_Rail ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:15:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
James Bond's student ID....
UnknownQTY ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To add some levity: Sweet baggy plain white T-shirt bro. So 2001.
Commiesinfltrtmymom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:16:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I go to Stuyvesant, which is across the street; I understand exactly how close that was. You also had the primary school on Greenwich and Chambers, which was a mere 5 blocks from ground zero.
RoAlZi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:53:22 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
007 You were James Bond Junior and saved your mom just like you had to do!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:42:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
rooberdookie ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:22:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What do you think? A school nearby the WTC and they said Well that sucks, get on the bus kids we're going to be late
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:22:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The part she doesn't tell you: she left work everyday at that time to cheat on your father, and wasn't actually going to sign the permission slip
nostalgic_dinosaur ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:28:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You have entered the Scary Door.
TweedleGun ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:05:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But you're not vargas
A_favorite_rug ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:45:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You have summoned something you will regret
(not really)
HadesIsPluto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was just a rollercoaster of anticipation.
ladybythelake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wow.
lilbittyf0x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This gave me goosebumps.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How is she now?
IGotBigStuffGoingOn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP!! ANSWER THE QUESTION....DID SHE SIGN IT?!?!?!?!
bearcat888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Happy Mother's Day!
Wernicke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So yeah... you were in my class.
blauman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man....
Did you know it was a big deal at the time? How did your family & friends react when she told them about you saving her life.
How has this affected your lives? I.e. in general, and on the anniversary of 9/11? Do you guys go for a special dinner or something.
nostalgic_dinosaur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:09:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
After a PA announcement told us that there had been a "minor accident" at the WTC, we were ordered to evacuate our classrooms and head towards the cafeteria.
As we exited the classroom, I veered off in another direction and headed down a stairwell that led to the courtyard. The moment I stepped outside, I noticed that people across the fence were standing still, motionless. I then followed the direction their heads were facing and looked upwards and saw the towers wreathed in smoke and flame.
That was the moment I knew that whatever this was, it was a very big deal.
humblesunshine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your class went on a field trip during the first few days of school??? As a teacher, I can't even imagine planning something like that.
rex_dart_eskimo_spy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I forgot a permission slip once and they just called my dad for verbal permission. He would've been fucked if it was 9/11.
CrzyJek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow
JasonDJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's something significant about that date, I just know it...
Oh yeah, 9/11. I already forgot.
blacknred522 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow you never have to get her a mothers day present again
master0jack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Thats amazing.
Djzongreethesecond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. You should post this to /r/glitchinthematrix. You got really lucky.
free112701 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
nothing inadvertent about that. So wonderful
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dot145 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:12 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:^)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:51 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:v)
Dot145 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:28 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:v)
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah you did.
ImjustanAnon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I chuckled, probably shouldn't have...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"EDIT: wow this really blew up"
ragta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"wow this really blew up" not the best choice of words..
Atworkwasalreadytake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone who's calls B.S. is a dumbass
Skymmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
scrumbly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How did other people in your mom's office or on her floor fare?
MuffTheMagicDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
TNUGS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"We believe this 12-year-old may have a connection to Al-Qiyayda." -President Bush
SamHarrisRocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ive noticed a trend on reddit. Everyone recounting 9/11 was apparently in grade 7. 1989 babies everywhere, including me!
riflegodx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This deserves gold. But I don't have gold to give. I feel bad...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...that edit.
Eric12345 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And a happy mothers day.
Spacerocketkitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit.
toesmice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did all of her co-workers survive?
AnneBancroftsGhost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, you kids start school early, eh?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude that's awesome. I.S. 89 is so close to the WTC, what'd you guys do? I know that further uptown the teachers kept the schools on lockdown and waited for all the parents to come pick up their kids. Must have been terrifying to be that close, especially at such a young age.
Toad32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It is a great story indeed. I do believe that most people under where the plane hit did evacuate safely.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
Flame2walker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome story. Thanks for sharing. I have a question I genuinely interested in. I'm not into conspirilogy but could you ask her again did she really see an airplane? The movie I saw insist that there were no planes and wtc was blown. All images we saw on tv is a fake and created in a computer.. I dont believe but could you please ask her just for me again?
Thanks in advance
nostalgic_dinosaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:22 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't really know what to say man. She most definitely saw the plane hit the building, along with thousands of other people. She relieves the moment every time a plane flies overhead. It's why she's permanently afraid to fly nowadays.
Flame2walker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:37 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the reply. It's definitely a miracle what's happened to your mom... Now I believe that a video like this
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHD4trjCo0
Is a total boolshit
colD401 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank God mate
Whiteout- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.
The-Great-Jebus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
but what about the field trip?
DeeQue16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This really hit me. Give your mom a hug for all of us.
IAMA_Jelly_Donut_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God dammit, nostalgic_dinosaur
justpat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You do not doubt 007!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I cannot imagine the wave of emotions your mom likely felt at that time. I mean, I'd be quite a bit frustrated having to drive over to my kid's school to sign a permission slip but damn, after that plane flew right over head into the tower...I don't even know what she would feel. Whoa. Good story and Happy Mother's Day!
psinguine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So is 007 your personal number or is it on all the ID's?
TASedOut4Ever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My Dad was a cab driver and he would wait under the twin towers for fares at 9am. We moved to Michigan on September 10th, 2001.
XGARGARO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing story. My granddad was going to be on that very flight.
He had a phone call for work that lasted half an hour to get his promotion and missed his flight.
Scary stuff really.
shamoni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus dude, like some others in this thread, I too wanna fucking hug you. This story was so hard to read, I too am close to tears right now man. I swear to god, I'm just relieved.
The_Lolbster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:30 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, the chills man. Maybe the most intense chills I've ever gotten.
Damn.
ZestyOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. :/
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:29 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was on a field trip September 11th too. I lived in New Mexico though and the towers fell as I arrived at school.
invinciblesummmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:11 on May 18, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY SHIT MAN
A_favorite_rug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow OP, being lazy to tell her before, wwwwwoooooowww.
Joking just joking, we make titanic jokes.
TheCoolAnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, shit.
crushbang ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:00:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The indicator that means "fake story ahead".
MyNamesNotTaylor ยท 2272 points ยท Posted at 04:33:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OK, last summer I was a waiter on the deck of an outdoor restaurant overlooking Lake Michigan. Because there was a marina for super huge yachts next door, we occasionally got famous-to-semifamous customers.
One night, this big guy with a beard, cowboy hat, plaid button up, and douchey necklace comes in and sits down with his family. I was swamped at the time, so I didn't really notice him until the bartender goes "Dude, that's Toby Keith." I don't like country music, so I'm like "Oh, cool" and keep working.
Here's the kicker though; our signature drink of the summer was called the Red Solo Cup. For those who don't know (as I didn't), that's a famous Toby Keith song. So the manager brings a Red Solo Cup drink over and says "Mr. Keith, we named our drink of the summer after your song, so here's one for free." Toby goes "Thanks, that's so nice I'd be willing to take a picture with my waitress". So Toby and the waitress take the picture and the manager posts it to the restaurant Facebook page. All of a sudden people are buying him drinks and snapping pics left and right, and he's going along with it all. It was chaos.
So later that night, we're closing down and one of the waitresses goes "You know, if Toby Keith is so rich, why are his teeth so jacked up?" So we Google Toby Keith. Perfect teeth. We compare him to the Facebook picture with messed up teeth. So we checked Toby's tour schedule, and he played Chicago the previous night, so it was reasonable that he could be in Michigan by then.
So I Google "Toby Keith impersonator" and this guy pops up. A professional Toby Keith impersonator out of Detroit who impersonates Toby for parties and bars. I tweeted him and just said "Hey you don't know me but did you eat at Stafford's Pier in Harbor Springs, MI tonight?" Next day he tweets back "Yeah you know it". THIS GUY DRESSED UP AS A FAMOUS GUY AND GOT STRANGERS TO GET HIM DRUNK FOR FREE AT A RESTAURANT WITH A DRINK NAMED AFTER A TOBY KEITH SONG. IT WAS THE PERFECT CRIME.
tl;dr A guy dressed up as Toby Keith at the restaurant I worked at and convinced a ton of strangers to get him wasted for free, then admitted it to me on Twitter.
harleypark ยท 419 points ยท Posted at 08:09:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't even be mad. I'd do it if I looked like someone famous
JasonDJ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:43:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I might be able to pass as John Candy but I don't think people would fall for it.
TroyMendo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:07:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, my showing up as Philip Seymour Hoffman would have the same effect.
MindlessLump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Easy solution: become famous.
harleypark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If only, if only.
MindlessLump ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs, "The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies." While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, Crying to the moon, "If only, If only."
TheRiskyBiscuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I could pass as Ryan Gosling.
grigoribaltar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ryan?
iGargleOldCum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:54 on July 26, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Ryan. Youre to pretty. Please be uglier. Thanks
Harbltron ยท 145 points ยท Posted at 09:17:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
living the dream
by which i mean sponging off of the success of others
PM_ME_UR_FACE_GIRL ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:10:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
it's still hard work. Imagine how difficult it would be to pretend you're somebody else 24/7. How much of a loser you would feel like.
treefitty350 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:28:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean leeching
Blizzaldo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:51:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean living in society.
eagravante ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:12:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Living off the dream.
your_inner_monologue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:21:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want that.
JenATaylia ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 09:46:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hate that goddamn song
GoonerGirl ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:50:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work in a restaurant in Manchester, England and this guy was a regular. These pics really don't do justice to how much he looked like de Niro. De Niro with a Manchester accent is a sight to behold. People used to buy him drinks and have their photos taken with him knowing full well he was just an impersonator.
anu26 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:42:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, such a missed opportunity to shout "YOU TALKIN TO ME?" repeatedly..
potsieharris ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:52:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
this is epic.
myztry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:52:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He pulled the perfect scam except for the teeth.
pixelated_shitstorm ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 12:27:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And being personable. Toby Keith lives just up the road from me, and is a regular around town. He's well known in the area for being an insufferable douche.
DorylusAtratus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:42:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What behaviors characterize his douchiness?
pixelated_shitstorm ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:25:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
From what I've seen first hand and heard from those around town (especially in the service industry) he treats people as if he's entitled to be catered to by them. Something I would describe as an exaggerated version of the aloof celebrity mentality.
SuperDaddyFunk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:23:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I also live near him. He's just generally a rude person. I know some people who's kids went to school with his. Everyone agrees - he's a douche.
DorylusAtratus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:17 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not surprised, he seems like a world class douchebag.
TheAmishMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:53:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Theres a few Kid Rock impersonators who do the same thing in MI
MyNamesNotTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We've had Kid Rock their before, so now I'm wondering... Although I'm pretty sure he's a Michigan native so that's at least a little more believable. Either way I'm not a fan so I still don't care.
TheAmishMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kid is a native. Lives in Clarkston and does a ton to give back to local restaurants and community groups. So it very well could have been him. Not a fan his music, but he is a great guy for the state of Michigan
fungalduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:46:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What a champion.
Dropboy6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:57:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's some commitment.
elephant-in-the-room ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:26:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well played sir well played!!!
Divided_Pi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:56:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The dude just takes his job very seriously
zer0nix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should probably tell him to fix those teeth of his so he can keep the scam going.
Impersonation aside, he sounds like a pretty decent guy.
prince_fufu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never said a peep before now?
MountCRushmore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I always knew Toby Keith had an evil twin
rectal_expansion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I dont know if it was the same guy but there was a Toby Keith impersonator at a restraunt in my town too. I wasnt there but girls that i knew went down there and took pics with him and everything. Wasnt until the next day that everyone realized he was a fake
SwamiDavisJr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha this is hilarious, it reminds me, my cousin's friend apparently looks like the guy from A New Found Glory, and their group once (I think more than once, actually) pretended to be that band to get free VIP service at a club in Mexico.
masman99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're name made me laugh. In my science class my teacher calls this quiet kid Taylor when it's Tyler. He doesn't speak up about it but everyone else does. The teacher still calls him it. I can just see him making this account out of rage.
Faps_With_Fury ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bet he loves that bar and it's his kind of place.
LeoAPG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Harbor Springs is the shit.
10-eight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is your name warren?
MyNamesNotTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope.
man_cub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
AMA request: that guy's kids.
LuckyJenny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Theft by trickery is a real thing- at least in maryland. If the restaurant found out he was a phony they could absolutely press charges.
/not a lawyer, just a former cop.
MyNamesNotTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think the managers were more sad that they had to take the picture off Facebook than that they got hoodwinked.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MyNamesNotTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh right on. I worked a year in The Chart Room and a year on the Deck. It was a good job.
Sax_named_gustav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
one question, Yummies or kilwins?
MyNamesNotTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kilwin's for life.
Sax_named_gustav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:13 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aww, I'm a yummies fan. We are good friends with the owners.
MyNamesNotTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:25 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I'm actually a Petoskey native, I made the commute to Harbor because the money was better. Yummies is good but I went to Kilwin's a lot more growing up.
Sax_named_gustav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:01 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah. I'm a north carolinian who hates summer here so we go up north for it.
vinnyboyxi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend that looked identical to BAM Margera(sp?) We used to go to concerts and party and drink for free because of it. People were going nuts. It a Was awesome and hilarious.
eemes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, wasn't Toby Keith the one who got shit faced on a cruise last year and got into a fight with an impersonator of his?
Studemire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who was a waiter on the deck of an outdoor restaurant on the beach in New Jersey last summer, this story hits home. Used to get a few celebrities a week as well, but now I'm a bit skeptical...
MyNamesNotTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, there were a few regulars who we expected to see once or twice a summer (Tim Allen and Dan Dierdorf, for instance) and a lot of one offs who came on vacation. Last year we had Dave Matthews and Uncle Kracker, and rumor is Russell Crowe was there on a day I wasn't working. I wasn't a huge fan of most of the people who came in but they were usually really nice. Sufjan Stevens grew up in the Harbor Springs/Petoskey/Alanson area and I always wanted him to come in but he never did.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahaha!
northernX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dear.Last week a friend of mine posted pics on facebook of her doing shots with "Toby Keith" I didn't think anything of it just that it was a weird place for him to show up.It could be him I'm not sure,I'm not even sure if I could tell her
Plutarkus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Pier was my favorite place when I was a kid. The owner's wife was my 9th grade geography teacher.
Ariadne431 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:21 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Our town had this huge three day outdoor concert that featured Toby Keith as a headliner. That same guy flew in, teamed up with a Jason Aldean impersonator and ran all over the area the day before, taking pictures and signing autographs. I know a few people that fell for it.
suneyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At my university, a guy came in claiming he was Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. He wanted to give a million dollars to the school, so they gave him a tour while trying to confirm his story while he was out. Figured out he was a fake- he ended up going to a bathroom and escaping out a window LOL.
The best part is when he stopped by the orchestra hall while we were in rehearsal. We all KNEW he was NOT Nick Carter (he looked like 45 years old, weathered and leathery, with frosted spikey tips in his hair) so the situation was surreal, like an entire room full of people all side-eyeing and going along with it. Plus, he was clearly drunk and stank of vodka. Good times.
Disobayish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:54 on July 9, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That wasn't Toby Keith it was Kobe Teeth
[deleted] ยท 2616 points ยท Posted at 03:13:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I drove a commercial submarine when I was thirteen. There were almost a hundred tourists on board. At that time I had never even driven a car.
One of my proudest achievements. Never relevant in conversation.
AbstractPenisBrigade ยท 1488 points ยท Posted at 04:55:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TIL: There are commercial submarines.
coheir ยท 1807 points ยท Posted at 06:36:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And I should never get on one because 13 year olds drive them.
captainAwesomePants ยท 986 points ยท Posted at 07:19:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a design requirement. Commercial submarines need to synchronize with their pilots, and only 13 year olds are compatible enough. Japanese mechs operate under a similar system, which is why true anime fans always call mechs land submarines.
redhikeree ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 07:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Submarine 01 has gone berserk!
BretticusWins ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 14:12:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Get in the god damn submarine, Shinji!
allenyapabdullah ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:31:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
du du du du du du du du du, du du du du du du du du du,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5xfIcR4-tA
The_Me_I_Want_To_Be ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 08:23:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"OH! I'll make a witty referen--aaaand I was beaten too it."
hazily ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:40:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mmmmm-masaka?!
floethewarrior ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
neon genesis evangelion
sakkarozglikoz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:13:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
now stop being a pussy and get in the submarine
UmerHasIt ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:27:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Only 13 year olds are drift compatible.
therudolph ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:42:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid shinji
BaronHumbert ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:55:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
captainAwesomePants, you must pilot the sub!
imgurceo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:23:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/ExplainLikeImCalvin
kagedtiger ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:52:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shinji, you have to pilot the submarine! No, I'm scared! Well, if he won't do it, then Rei has to do it!
appers6 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:42:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhh, that's why they're always going on about subbing.
allenyapabdullah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:30:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The older pilots are always lousy. THis applies to both submarines and mechas
meitapod ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:59:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When you gundam too damn much
coheir ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:20:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well you are a Capitan. I have to believe you.
peaceshot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:10:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Captain (Ass) Earth reference? I dropped it after like the first episode so I wouldn't know.
acciocrayola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/shittyaskscience
Ghazgkull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game meets Pacific Rim?
Necromorphiliac ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:47:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
More like Neon Genesis Evangelion meets submarines. If you don't know what Evangelion is, you should check it out. More-so the recent movies, which have been re-telling the story of the series. They're called Evangelion 1.11 and 2.22. The third movie should be coming out in non-Japanese territories soon-ish, but the 4th has barely been started, if at all. They fucking kick ass, though. Just don't expect happy good-times out of it lol.
grigoribaltar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:46:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Actually they showed the third movie at an Alamo Drafthouse near where I live. Great film. I love the way they are taking the series.
Necromorphiliac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I really wanted to go to a screening because I had just given the first two movies a chance after finding the series a little too whiny, but I didn't have one close enough for me to go. The DVD/Blu-Ray was supposed to come out in February, but it got delayed shortly before release and there's still no word on it.
AbanoMex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:53:28 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
as a poster said above, its Neon Genesis Evangelion, and before you watch the movies he mentioned (1.11, 2.22, 3.33) try to watch the original series, its very different to any other animes, and for many its considered a classic. the new films do a retelling of the story, but at some point it becomes a completely different story, which is good, but you might need to see the original series for context
adequate_potato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/shittyaskscience
XyzzyPop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to be honest with you: If you were /u/_vargas_, you would have received more karma for this quality post - with the single caveat you missed an opportunity using bad sexual innuendo references with Japanese schoolgirls. As such, I offer my single vote.
doggieassassin ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:12:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I regret to say I believed it until anime.
effectedsum ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:55:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Otaku*
loulibra ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:31:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
relevant username. here's an up.
square_zero ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:04:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you are a captain, so I guess I can trust you.
Ghostonthestreat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:43:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's okay, he's fourteen now.
Cripple_Swag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
'Ender's Game' style
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 08:09:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, there was just one of them - he was thirteen. 13 year olds would be weird.
jojoga ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:24:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
they are mostly yellow.. and we live in them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tour subs in hawaii
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Google atlantis and reefdancer maui
metans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They operate one in Lanzarote. I went on it last year, you get to see a few shipwrecks (probably intentional ones for tourists to look at) and there's a huge manta ray that follows the submarine because it knows there is a diver who will feed it. It's a great experience. And yes, it is a yellow submarine.
D_as_in_avid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Billy Mays was a part of it.
MannoSlimmins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
West Edmonton Mall had more submarines than the Canadian navy at one point...
Then they removed them. Pretty sure the government bought them up.
Davito32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you ever go to Aruba there is one that tours you for like 100 USD.
Vasconium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They're everywhere in the Mediterranean. Tickets aren't cheap, though.
I_love_hate_reddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They're called drug smugglers
DeathPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was wondering why I had tagged you "Needs to eat a hat." in red. Now I remember.
Amos_The_Eskimo ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 05:59:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Backstory?
[deleted] ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 06:04:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Basically, I was cute and bouncy and a tourist, and the pilot and copilots thought I was adorable. I was asking questions about the fish and reefs. The copilot in the front (where I was) gave me his headset and I started talking to the copilot in the back, he thought I was adorable, too. I was invited to sit next to the pilot, and he put his arm around me and I kept asking questions about all the levers, and finally he sat me in his lap and had me drive, carefully directing me to pull the different levers and switch the switches. It was pretty neat.
BobRoberts01 ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 06:41:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Johnny, do you like gladiator movies?
PlayMp1 ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 07:04:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever been... in a Turkish prison?
Envisional ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 08:41:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have You Ever Seen a Grown Man Naked?
[For those confused: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2A194yTWoQ]
Patrik333 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:56:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's an Airplane reference... How many people do you think haven't gotten the reference?
Sharrakor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:36:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
With how frequently some references are used out of context, many.
MindOnTheBall ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 06:35:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude I don't think that was a lever you were pulling
M_is_for_Mancy ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 07:06:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Ochibakonpeki, you ever see a grown man naked?"
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 07:06:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Only my daddy."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:50 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โ_โ
fungalduck ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 06:22:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
O_o
anthony81212 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 06:40:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yah that got weird in the end
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 07:12:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
FenrisFox ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 09:12:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think she had to sit in his lap because he couldn't leave his chair, that way he could just push her off or reach over her if she did something wrong. I honestly think people are overreacting a little.
bigkcola ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:34:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it sounds pretty innocent to me. Just reddit overreacting here.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:12:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it happens.
[deleted] ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 07:33:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 08:16:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
gellis12 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 09:57:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I fail to see how letting a fully clothed child sit on a fully clothed adults lap so that the child can enjoy piloting a submarine is in any way even remotely connected with unwanted sexual activity.
Panaetius ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:29:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Any time a male and a female are seperated by a distance of less than 1 meter, it's rape, although a female may waive that right if she so choses. Didn't you know that?
That was unanimously decided in the International Kopenhagen Convention on Sexual Deviancy back in 1885 and signed into law by most countries (the Vatican, where it's only rape if the victim is older than 12 years, and the Free Republic of Kanderland, where it's considered impolite not to rape someone when you first meet them, being notable exceptions).
There have been some movements to get this law changed, with some pushing for 5 meters, while others think it should depend on location (0.5m in a subway car but around 5km when the male is at a sports event), but so far, none of them have been succesful.
Of course, some women have used this to their advantage, to get rid of bothersome males, as seen in this example. Notice the horrified look on the mans face while he's running for his life.
Of course this archaic law doesn't protect women from instances of rape at a distance (usually called RAD in the media), which has seen a worrying increase in the past couple of years. This has led to a lot of law makers proposing new laws to the effect that it's rape if someone calls it rape, no matter the distance, evidence nor what the afflicted parties themselves claim it to be, with a small corrolary that always allows it to be rape if it makes a good story.
Of course, these laws are quite unpopular with rapists around the world, since these laws would pretty much make their profession obsolete and cost them their livelyhood. This has led the National Rapist Association to hold several Rape Pride parades and rape strikes, with their official spokesman stating "I'll tear everyone who supports this new law a new one!".
No matter what your opinion on the matter, the next few years will definitely be turbulent and important ones for the culture of rape in general and professional rapists in particular.
TL;DR: So piloting a submarine is what they call it these days?
endlessvictor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:24:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, you should work for the onion. That was great.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:08:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And I am a rape victim but it's just immature, rude and irresponsible to try to label sitting in someone's lap as rape. Rape is evil and violating, not innocent and full of the wonder of the sea!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:37:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, she did say she was cute and... uh... bouncy.
EasyOnTheData ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:36:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
13 year olds aren't cute. i'd let a 5 year old or something drive because they're cute. But thirteen year olds are just annoying. How long ago was this?
nhocgreen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:29:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
>he sat me in his lap
Gee, I wonder why...
>cute and bouncy
>bouncy
coredumperror ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the time I went on a 2-month cruise as part of "Calpoly at Sea", a program at my university (California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo) where we got to hitch a ride with the California Maritime Academy's merchant marine training ship. We took regular college classes classes on board, and got to do whatever the hell we wanted when the ship made port for 3 days at a time in various different countries.
One of the things we got to do on the ship, though, was perform an engine room shift and a bridge shift. We were given a tour of the engine room, told how everything works and what the engine crew do, and then the same thing for the bridge. But the bridge part was way cooler, because they let us pilot the ship for a few minutes each.
And when it came to my turn, I'd watched the minor mistakes that my classmates had made before me, and figured out how to correct them. I drove such a straight line, directly on course despite medium seas, that the captain actually complimented me on my skill with the wheel! That totally made my day.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:16:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
coredumperror ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cool! I loved the Golden Bear, so I'm glad you enjoyed it too!
oprahsmom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god...
alobesmooth ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:09:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Johnny, you ever seen a grown man naked before?"
LitrillyChrisTraeger ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:13:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 06:15:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh hey! It's been a while! How is your baby sister, how old is she now, thirteen?"
"Yup! Oh, that's the age I was when I drove a submarine."
"What?"
"How are the kids?"
[deleted] ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 05:06:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You could convince your girlfriend to do anal.
"Baby, I have experience driving things very deep..." ; )
[deleted] ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 05:10:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a girl and I take it in the ass like a CHAMP, thankyouverymuch.
smack_cock ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 05:12:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RIP INBOX
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:15:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
;)
CloudCollapse ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:20:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/creepypms for your karma-reaping pleasure.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:20:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have gotten 0 creepy messages.
CloudCollapse ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:22:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You honestly probably won't get any. I just had to make the obligatory link to that sub so I could maybe get some comment karma.
Yaay reddit!
userdeath ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:34:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How about now?
atomicthumbs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:29:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's the outbox, actually
baconteste ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 05:42:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Literally karma whoring
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:43:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well if I am, I'm not good at it.
EasyOnTheData ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:37:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Try /r/gonewild just google a picture and upload it
M_is_for_Mancy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:07:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you single?
Rather_Buttery_Blade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This whole comment thread has been as /r/unexpected as shit.
shamoni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They let a girl drive a submarine? I'm calling bs.
upvotedeeznuts ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:41:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sup
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Next think you know your asshole is going to be on the front page of /r/GoneWild
macsta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:43:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is so cool. Thirteen year old me would have almost burst with pride. You must have been very composed to carry that off, a lot of your passengers were a bit scared but they were able to trust you. I think you should tell everyone you meet, even if it doesn't come up naturally in the conversation.
walkingdeadgirl80 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:49:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've heard worse pickups lines than that.
Drundolf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:04:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 6, I drove a plane.
At least I thought so.
I was on my way home from Egypt with my parents. The pilot was an old family friend of ours and him and my dad go way back. And at the time, I was really into planes. Needless to say, the guy invited me into the pilot's cabin so I could "ride the plane" and for years I thought I actually did. Little did I know...
FurbyPope ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:03:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I co-piloted a 5 passenger plane when I was 4.
The pilot, my uncle, even let me have full control of the steering for a while.
Too bad I was too young to fully remember the experience.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:39:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, real live sub off the Cayman Islands, at night.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:13:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I answered to another comment with the story! Basically just being a cute tourist in short shorts with big tits for my age.
casualblair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sure it is:
How are you?
I drove a submarine.
See how easy that is?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:20:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of that episode of Big Bang Theory where Howard keeps taking everything back to being an astronaut.
casualblair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or Sheldon with his problem of the week. Or Stuart and his poverty and loneliness.
artvandal7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Story time.
epicfailz88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back story?
Glass_Veins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ashamed to admit that I imagined you sitting on a little yellow submarine in front of a greenscreen for a commercial until I read that second sentence... -_-
DackJackson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Uhh you mean always relevant?
raginganalbuster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Achievement unlocked 50G- commercial submarine full of people driven like a boss
slaveholder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โHundred people, thirteen, submarine." What.
teddy5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got to turn a commercial plane when i was around 5-8, back when they would let people into the cockpit to talk to the pilot.
I'm pretty sure they just set it up to control from another stick but I moved it and the plane turned, then after a few degrees they took the controls back and straightened it.
Was the best feeling as a little kid and that was only a tiny little turn. Actually driving a sub must've been awesome.
douseenow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But now I want to know the full story...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We all live in a yellow submarine.....
Fishbob48 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is no one gonna ask why you driving this submarine?
CannedWolfMeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:13:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna need to know more about this.
TheSpaceRaccoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:14:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What is the story behind this?
NihilisticToad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I flew a plane at the same age. Granted it was a 4 seater piper, but it was still awesome.
wallingfortian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:00:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was six I piloted the Stone Mountain steamboat. I was not strong enough to keep the wheel steady, and I was not tall enough to see out the window.
mkosmo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Near that same age, I got to drive a Bradley out near Fort Hood. Almost got to drive an Abrams, too... but I only had so much luck, I suppose.
Right place, right time, and a friendly tank commander -- ingredients for a childhood memory, for sure.
McGravin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're just having the wrong conversations.
liqour_buddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that reminds me of the time I flew a plane: I was 17 and my friends dad was the pilot and he just took his hands off the wheel thing(idk what its called) and said "grab it kid" It was a single prop, but still.
Semyonov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:35 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno if this is weird, but when I was on a cruise ship, one of the ports of call required people take the life boats to get to the dock (too small for the ship).
I drove one from the ship to the dock. This had probably 50 people on board.
gamesthatown ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:17:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Weird, the thread said to tell a story, and while I'm sure there's a story somewhere nestled in that synopsis, it seems as if you aren't following OP's instructions.
TL;DR: Tell us why the fuck this happened.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:23:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did. Check my comment history, I replied to the first guy. I would link but I'm on mobile
gamesthatown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:34:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Sorry, I'm high on crack and meth and heroin and Yoohoo chocolate drink.
EDIT: Found it. I'm gonna grab a Yoohoo and a fix and read it. I'll let you know what I think.
EDIT 2: Got my Yoohoo. Can't find the thread now. Gonna look for it again.
EDIT 3: Ok cool I found it, let me give this a once-over.
EDIT 4: Ok, fish and reefs. Starting to get pretty good. Might goto sleep and finish it in the morning.
EDIT 5: I got some coffee. I need to finish what I started.
EDIT 6: Dude that dude's a fuckin pedophile. If this story ends with a 13 year old getting raped I'm gonna be really fucking depressed.
EDIT 7: Hang on my cat knocked over my Yoohoo I need to grab some paper towels and clean this shit up.
EDIT 8: It was alright. If I had to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say it was an OK story.
EDIT 9: I can't sleep. It's because the coffee Can you tell me another story?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:36:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey can I get the number of your yoohoo dealer?
gamesthatown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:52:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
are you a fucking cop
fuckgangstarap ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:29:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
don't believe it
NUTELLA_TITS ยท 2593 points ยท Posted at 03:21:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
A couple of months ago, my boyfriend and I were buying groceries. He stopped to look at a glass bottle of something, and it ended up slipping from his hands, and he thought to stick out his leg so it could cushion the fall or something like that. I took a step back at this exact moment, not realizing he dropped anything.
We fucking caught the bottle between our legs and just stood there, mouths agape at one another. I don't even think we could recreate that situation if we needed to.
[deleted] ยท 1191 points ยท Posted at 05:08:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, after that you guys already set up the wedding date?
Charyou-Tree ยท 834 points ยท Posted at 06:19:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nutella Tits and awesome reflexes? Of course they did!
CenabisBene ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:20:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your name reminded me of Susan, and now I'm sad.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:35:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ka like a wind.
holybushido ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:47:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They had 2 children, awesome tits and nutella reflexes.
absorbingpower ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:18:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for making me realize her username!
elshroom ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It would be funny if nutella was involved in their sexual kinks.
WhatsTheBigDeal ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:59:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It would be funnier if it were a bottle of Nutella that they caught...
rappercake ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:03:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
none of this is funny
ChuqTas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:19:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So by definition they are right - it would be funnier, because it can't get any worse.
rappercake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:22:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Zero is not greater than zero.
MrJTeezy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and bought nutella that day?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They didn't just buy some nutella, they bought Nutellaโข.
dude96man ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP PLS RSPON
kingeryck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and now we've been happily married for three years
gtakiller0914 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please, OP. I must know.
pocketchange2247 ยท 128 points ยท Posted at 07:20:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I love stuff like this that just shouldn't happen. One time in high school I was at an after-party for some dance. We were drinking this Jager knockoff brand and eating Goldfish while we basked in our intoxication. I had a handful of Goldfish sitting on the end of a bed and this kid I kind of knew had the booze bottle in his hand sitting on the floor with his back against the wall that was about a persons length (let's call it 6 feet?) away from where I was sitting. I didn't really know many of the people I was with, they went to my high school and I just went to the after-party because my friend that was in their dance group invited me.
Anyway, I looked at this kid and he at me and with my last Goldfish I just tossed it to him for whatever reason. The cracker flew in the air, across the room, and landed right in the bottle without even touching the sides of the mouth, like a perfect swish. Now, I don't know if you've seen a Jager bottle lately, but the mouth of the bottle is about the exact size of a fucking Goldfish cracker. This kid just looked down at the bottle and snapped his head back up with the biggest surprised look on his face. I was afraid that he was pissed I ruined a perfectly good bottle of shitty alcohol, but he just started yelling and telling everyone how crazy of a shot it was. Everyone treated me like a celebrity for the rest of the night and it really helped me get to know the people at the party, many of whom I spent the rest of high school with. I'm pretty good friends with that kid now to this day, he helped fight off an alcoholic, knife-wielding cab driver last summer, which is also a pretty crazy story, but thats one for a different time.
NinjaCakeThiefGirl ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 08:36:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now is a different time. Lets hear it.
pocketchange2247 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:47:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wrote the story, check it out.
shamoni ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:48:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good job following up, man. Just a suggestion, people would probably like a link in your reply.
pocketchange2247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
for sure I was going to do that but I'm not really sure how to just link a comment
shamoni ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:27:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Right click on permalink, copy link address and paste it in the comment box.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:39:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nice shot bro.
pocketchange2247 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:47:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Thanks bro. I wrote the story about the cab driver too if you wanna read. Its a good story
TheLuckySpades ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:58:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tell story. NOW!
pocketchange2247 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 15:46:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Alright here it is:
So there we were, my brother and a couple of both of our friends were chilling and drinking at my house until the late hours of the night. My brother's friend wanted to go home but everyone was drunk. So being the responsible people we are, we called a cab to be safe, or so we thought. Time goes by and we take a few more shots when we finally get a call from the company to go outside because the cab is waiting. I dont know whos perspective to go from here so I'll kind of switch off. My brother's friend, we'll call Tim, walked out the front door and started toward the cab when he noticed there was no one in there. He thought it was strange, why would a driver leave his cab? It's not like he was waiting there for very long. Tim then looked over to my mom's then-boyfriend's truck that was in our driveway and saw the driver in the back getting something out of the bed of the truck.
So I'm sitting inside, still drinking with my friends, when I heard my friend (the same one from the Goldfish story), lets call him Jake, start yelling. This wasn't celebratory yelling like the other story, this was panicked, something-is-very-wrong yelling. "Stop! What are you doing? Get the fuck out of here!" I heard from inside. So I ran to the front door to find Tim held at knifepoint with the cab driver holding one of these fuckers right at his torso, essentially using the thing as a spear. He lunged once and barely missed him left. He lunged again and barely missed him right. After that we managed to get Tim inside the house and behind the glass door that is our front door. He still lunged against the door, scratching it with his spear and making a terrible sound.
After a couple seconds of realizing he couldn't get us he started back toward the driveway where the truck was. We were just relieved that he had left the area so we didn't really think about where he was going. After a minute we realized he wasn't getting back in the cab so we went to see what he was doing to make sure he wasn't going to fuck anything else up. Well one of my brother's friends ran over to the truck to find that the driver had shoved a foldable chair sheath into the fucking gas tank of the trunk. We later found burn marks on the sheath and realized he was trying to moltov cocktail the fucking thing. The friend threw this cab driver to the ground, ripped the sheath out of the gas tank, and started calling for reinforcements. Before we knew it there were four or five 19-21 year olds going to town on this drunk, confused cab driver like Patrick Kane in Chicago, except we were actually defending ourselves. And this driver wasn't small, he was built like a Russian shit-brickhouse that completely dwarfed even my biggest friend there at the time. After my brother threw a few haymakers at this guy we picked him up and threw him toward his cab all the while yelling at him to leave. He finally stumbled to the cab and got in the driver's seat and veeeerrrryyy slowly drove away down the street until he was gone. Looking back we probably should have just called the police but we had underage drinkers and the house was hotboxed with pot smoke so we figured it could wait until the morning. After the fight we had found that he had dropped and open knife somewhere in the scuffle, the same knife he used to cut free the branch trimmer and the same one he used to carve shit into each one of our cars. But at that point we were just happy he was gone
After we talked to the police the next day we found out two things. One was that he wasn't drunk, but he was a recovering alcoholic that hadn't drank in a few days, this caused his liver to start producing some funky chemicals that fucked with his head and supposedly caused all this. Now, how did the police already know this? Well apparently after we threw him in his cab he decided it would be a good idea to go to the local post office to assault a woman working there on federal property. This actually hurt us to hear, we could've gotten him arrested and he never would've hurt anyone again, but we didn't, and he did. And even after multiple calls to the cab company, they didn't take us seriously and at one point sounded annoyed with our concern that this maniac may pick up another unsuspecting victim, but they won't have their friends around to help if shit hits the fan (Fuck you 303 Taxi).
At the end of all this no one got hurt, but many people almost did. I'm happy we had a lot of friends there to help. I can't imagine if it had only been a couple of the 19 year old girls walking out to this driver, they could have been very hurt. Anyway a few months later at the end of summer my brother got a cab with my dad and his girlfriend to head to the airport to go back to school for the semester. Cab pulls in the driveway, and guess who the fuck was driving? Yup, Mr. Knife-Wielding Recovering Alcoholic Crazy cab driver. After all that shit that had happened he hadn't gone to jail, and more disheartening he still had his fucking job. My brother refused to get in and had to call another cab, almost missing the flight. It hurt to see that he still could go on with what he was doing after he scarred all of us, and more importantly the poor woman he assaulted that was just doing her job (at 3am no less).
shamoni ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:54:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's strange that kids smoking pot can get their lives ruined, but this crazy bastard can try to burn cars, assault kids, actually assault a federal employee and just get away with it. Just seems silly.
pocketchange2247 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:59:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I was pretty upset to learn that that guy still had his job after all this. I guess we should've just planted a gram or something in his car then he'd be arrested instantly. I just don't know how he never got anything from this, it's like the police just spit in our face and said it didn't matter to them
shamoni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty fucked up.
Skullcrusher ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:39:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
We will forget about you not 5 minutes after leaving this thread. Tell the damn story.
pocketchange2247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wrote the story, have a look
gravitationalBS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:55 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagged as Goldfish Stephen Curry
pocketchange2247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:57 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll wear the title with pride
frenchmeister ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 07:13:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar once, but all on my own. I was playing at a volleyball match and was panicking because the ball was coming right at me and I knew none of my teammates were going to be able to get to it in time (I was terrible but I joined the team anyways. They all hated me.). I have practically no depth perception, but I went to bump it anyways and...the ball disappeared. I didn't hit it, but it didn't land either. Then I heard everyone laughing and looked down to see it miraculously caught between my knees. Somehow it came at just the right angle and my knees were just the right distance apart for it to wedge in between.
I don't remember how the refs ruled that one, but I think we had to redo the last serve because no one could decide if it was a foul or what.
redhairz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:51:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing.
_notvargas_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:58:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just trying to work out what situation would require parallel couple leg catching skills. I mean if it was a baby or some sort of nerve gas canister, I'd have to recommend you begin training yourself for such an occasion. The world/a baby relies on it.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:43:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh the ole "stick your leg out to gently transfer the direction of motion horizontally from vertically."
Good move by your guy.
Cakeo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:17:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I do that when I drop something! Just stick your foot out and hope for the best.
IAM_Abe_Lincoln_ama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a party and had one of those grabber things that old people use (and kids have em too but they look like sharks) anyway I was fuckin around with it by people playing beer pong and one of the balls bounces off the table and I snag it outta mid air with the thing! Shit was epic! Probably my proudest accomplishment.
Denverlanez ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:04:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tell me more about these tits
gleasonc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Natural athletes
dontyoulikemyusrname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:02:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
pro MLG as heck
samiam3356 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting you say "if we needed to" instead of if you wanted to. Sounds ore desperate and important your way. I have been saying this wrong all these years.
therudolph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Related story: I was snowboarding with friends and I was behind the one holding our bottle of rum and coke. He dropped it and I snagged it off the bounce then took a swig. I think I ended up getting drunk for the first time that night.
kidblue672 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And then you embraced passionately! Right? That's how relationships work?
idkmybffljill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Antonia?
DR_BOOBIES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel a special connection with you username.
snowmannn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i always try and "bounce" whatever i've just dropped off my leg or foot! it sometimes saves objects from smashing.. sometimes not
zakkarius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:01 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Y'all should get married
baronspeerzy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:35:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can I try your tits please?
drum_playing_twig ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:25:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a curvalicious african american? Your username makes me want to believe!
TheGrownGrumpyMan ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:13:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted just for name
angel0devil ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:36:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So do you put Nutella on your tits or what? Since that would make them even more desirable, just saying.
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:48:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can't visualise this. Were this is a band camp flute pussy moment or three way with a bottle moment?
Cagg ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I checked guys, she has no uploads of nutella on tits. Or nutella or tits separately. I'm kinda disappointed.
OzrilOgre ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 06:54:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was it nutella that you dropped?
[deleted] ยท 181 points ยท Posted at 03:36:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Setari ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:13:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or you'd have the rabies
MakeYouThink ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:22:27 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bats are my favorite animals. That one hit home.
Edit: thanks for burying him!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:20:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's so fucking metal!!! __/
allpunsintended ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:12:06 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RIP Van Bat. Never forget.
teflon12 ยท 2308 points ยท Posted at 02:04:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a school underprivileged children. A students mom was in a custody battle with CPS and grandma and her. I had been aware the students mother was having her trial with the child services. One day she comes to visit class(which is allowed) she asks to hold her 5 yr old son. She scoops him up and rushes to the door. Turns out she lost her battle with the courts and tried to steal her son she just lost custody of . I abandon my class and rush after her. After hitting me and scratching I manage to remove her son, run inside, lock doors until cops arrive.
Saved the kid
sontato ยท 1304 points ยท Posted at 04:17:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, you'd think the people who gained custody would give enough fucks to tell the school.
[deleted] ยท 694 points ยท Posted at 05:31:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
BGYeti ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 08:37:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would assume the courts would at least notify the school, that is something that just seems common sense
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:35:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Sex4Vespene ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:55:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would argue that because of situations like this, they should always notify immediately being as they obviously weren't able to tell she was going to do it.
Mrs_CuckooClock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:30 on May 19, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If they weren't planning on changing the contact with the child, then they wouldn't have notified the school right away about the change in custody/legal status. Even if they were terminating the mom's parental rights, they'll sometimes leave visitation orders where the parent can visit the child at school or in whatever setting the court and adoptive parents deem appropriate. It's unusual for parents to try to abduct their children in these situations, so we don't notify the school unless there is some sort of known risk.
Sex4Vespene ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:45 on May 19, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How is it not better to be safe than sorry though, considering it involves children's well being?
Mrs_CuckooClock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:17 on May 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If the mom left court and immediately went over to the school, then I don't fault the court, social worker or the grandparents. If it was a day or two later, then I'd be annoyed and say they dropped the ball.
Parents abducting their kids is unusual and if the mom hadn't given any signs she might do something like this, then it wasn't a reasonable expectation for the school to be immediately notified. If the mom threatened to take the kid, tried to take the kid in the past or something along those lines, that should have been the first call to let the school know, but it doesn't sound like it was. Who knows, the person that posted this comment has limited information.
There are many circumstances that could happen in a child welfare case. We have to look at what is likely to happen and watch for signs of trouble, sometimes parents don't give signs they are about to do something or are doing something. I had a case where I returned a kid to his mom. She'd been doing great for three years prior to the child returning to her... After he was returned, she got pregnant by her abusive boyfriend and started doing drugs again. We didn't have any way to know this would happen, but it did. It sucked and the kid was removed again, but that's how life is. People do unpredictable stuff sometimes.
Child welfare is the most invasive form of government. We go into people's homes and remove their children when a determination is made that the kids are unsafe in the home. We do the best we can with the information provided, but it's not always perfect, far from perfect sometimes.
However, all bets are off if this was in Arizona because their child welfare department is all kinds of fucked up.
Sex4Vespene ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:31 on May 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think you get what I'm saying. Being as there weren't any signs for this, and I'm sure there aren't always signs, they should ALWAYS be notified immediately. Just in case.
FruitNyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They should include contacting the school as part of the trial.
Viperbunny ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:26:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You'd be surprised how slow the courts can be or how people get around it.
[deleted] ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 10:38:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
panatee ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:44:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Schools have a lot of kids to look after. My brothers ex wife disenrolled their 2 kids from school and flew to the other side of the world. No one stopped her, school never questioned it or called him... She did it twice.
Aikidi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:03:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually alarmed that this is not done immediately after the verdict is read.
"Better inform the only other people who can legally have custody of this child for any portion of the day" seems like common fucking sense.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:50:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Ideally, this information would be paramount and everybody would give a fuck. In actuality you you probably be horrified to find out how often disputes like this (and much worse) happen and it's depressingly commonplace.
And, think about the ramifications. Let's say verdict is read about custody; so ideally, that information would be sent out to the school ASAP (need insanely accurate, up-to-date database for every child's case and what school should know). Who else? Doctors, bus drivers, relatives, etc? And whose job is it to send that info? And then when the school gets it, the secretary sends it to whom, the teacher? What if it's a substitute that day? And if a parent shows up and tries to take the kid, who is responsible for stopping them? What if there are weapons involved? What if someone gets hurt? Can you see the legal ramifications and liability cases just piling up like fucking crazy? Let's say info it sent to school, parent comes to steal kid away, teacher tries to stop them, but parent is successful; teacher is now in a great position for a civil suit from other parent/guardian. Now schools, trying to avoid liability, are fenced off with concertina wire and have multiple doors that only open after the other preceding door is shut. Sign out of child from school is a god awful process of checklists and etc...school is now a prison, essentially. Buses are the weak point because any deranged ex-parent/guardian can stalk them, so how to avoid that clusterfuck?
Sometimes the world is just really shitty, and there's no reasonable answer. I know my above example is pretty "disaster-centered" but truly, it's the litigious world that we live in.
Kittens4Brunch ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 07:34:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The kid should be waiting in the court house.
siegewolf ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:49:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why? The kid has no reason to be there. They are 5. Let them eat lunch, have fun, and learn instead of watching Mommy (who sucks at taking care of them) fight with Grandma(who probably cares a bit more.)
Kittens4Brunch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not to watch the trial. Be in a secured room on the day of the judge's decision.
mayaxpapaya ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:40:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you kidding? That has the potential to be traumatic as fuck for the kid!
For reference, my parents went through a messy and vaguely violent divorce when I was 4. It was already horrible enough just knowing that my parents were fighting over me at all.
siegewolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, I helped out at a court that specifically did these cases. Not only is that a bit overwhelming, but things can get heated. Cops can be called.
thor214 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:58:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How quickly does that information get disseminated? Hell, this could have been a court decision earlier that day.
Barkatsuki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She probably lost that morning and drove over there immediately after.
Condog802 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
right? wtf
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 05:57:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Their quota of fucks to give must have been low.
FluffyDung ยท 144 points ยท Posted at 03:58:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure how to feel about this. Was she a good mom or bad mom?
teflon12 ยท 374 points ยท Posted at 04:01:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Inadequate. It takes alot to lose your kid as a mom. Burns on kid during visits etc. Wild
TheViolentDelight ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 05:32:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If I had to choose and didnt know anything about the person, I would side with the court. Rather trust them than a lady thats been told she can't bring up her own son.
teflon12 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:08:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As did I
JustJillian ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:26:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:( when I was little I was constantly running in to my moms lit cigarettes. I don't know how I always managed it and it wasn't ever really her fault I would just run straight in to it then get burned, I'm so glad that it wasn't in these days my mom might have lost all three of us because of my being clumsy and unnatural attraction to lit cigarettes
jozzarozzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or if they're just batshit crazy.
TheOskarshow ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 08:03:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
A whole Alot? Wow...
EDIT: So apparently people got mad about me turning a grammatical error into a joke.
Arancaytar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Those damn Alots...
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ALOT of alots.
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 04:59:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Tofabyk ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 09:05:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Really awful if you consider that we are talking about a mom losing her child.
biggtony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its corrupt as all hell
Gertiel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:10 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure corrupt is the right word. At least not always. Sometimes people just don't get help because lawyers are so expensive, and end up making mistakes. I don't think that quite equals corruption exactly, though it does seem to point up how dependent on wealth our court system can be.
biggtony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bias, maybe? To me, money driven legal systems constitute corruption. It stands as another dividing barrier to the social classes in our country.
Gertiel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:54 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bias seems good. As far as the corruption argument goes, not saying it is exactly wrong. Just maybe a little one dimensional? Much like medicine, lawyers in this country must lay out a very considerable amount for education. Understandably, this means people need a certain amount of income expectation to justify the initial outlay. We'd have to redo our eduction system to provide free or low cost education to all in order to make a dent in this system. There are countries which have successfully made that shift to make education available to all their citizens, so it is possible. Just not seeing it as terribly probable in the near future here in the US, sadly.
biggtony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:59 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I like that. I'm going to expand on that personally. That sounds like a wonderful idea.
Edit: I thought I remembered seeing recently about a state making higher education free in some way. I just worked 12 hours though. Really though you're onto something :D
kaluce ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:21:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
probably pretty fucking bad. Family court is bias toward keeping the kid with the mom in about 85% of all situations.
For the kid to have gone with the dad, it must've been a real bad scene. Possibly showed up drunk to the courtroom or was found shooting up in the bathroom or something. Hell, even if the kid wants to go with the dad, sometimes they'll still stick the kid with the mom.
Viperbunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, my parents were fighting to keep a foster child and the courts insisted on keeping him with the mother even after they found her to be abusive and neglectful. She and her boyfriend even threaten to kill my parents in court and they still got to keep him! I have so many awful stories from thisn one case alone that are hard to believe. If I hadn't seen my family go through it I don't know of I could believe that such thongs happen. If this mom lost custody it means so most likely was a very bad mother.
ifostastic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It is very very hard for the mother to lose custody, so...safe to say she was providing a poor environment at the least.
raddits ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 04:30:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What kind of mom you think it is of the grandma is going to court for custody. Use your head.
pls-answer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:11:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no hablo big english
FlashZapman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck?
TheGenericBanana ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of of, it's if. Not something illegible. There's like one or two more errors, like a missing "do" and saying it instead of she, but it doesn't really warrant a "What the fuck?". :)
User98765 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:22:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You'd be amazed at how often this happens.
Source: CPS Investigator.
fungalduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
AMA? Serious.
I don't think have any decent questions here to be honest, other than the obvious, but I'm sure your line of work could make for a good AMA.
User98765 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to. Hopefully it could help people understand and I'm sure it could dispel a lot of the bad impressions people might have about our line of work.
Viperbunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine had been having a long custody battle with her ex. He wanted more child support and accused her of abuse and neglect. CPS investigated and found him to be the negligent parent (he is not a smart man). The judge, feeling sorry for the guy, allows him a supervised visit (with this man's parents being granted that power). He takes the kid and runs a state over and takes him to a hospital to prove yhe mother abused him...except there is no abuse. The kid was traumatized and the mother was beside herself. He still jas not faced charges for that. He also misses visits and calls and won't let the kid do things his age (like use a cup or the potty causing him tonhave accidents and be embarrassed). He tells his son that his mother hates him and wants to get rid of him and things like that. He still has rights. It takes a lot to lose your kids these days.
User98765 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It really does take a lot.
In a perfect world, our focus would be 100% the best interest of the child. Unfortunately, most states' regarding child welfare are written towards reunification of the family, which can prevent the actual best interest of the child being prioritized :/
We always try to work towards the benefit of the child but it's extremely difficult to uphold the law while doing so.
Viperbunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I understand. It's a sad thing. Some people really shouldn't be parents. It's sad when it's clear they don't want to be, but refuse to give up their rights because of the benefits they get or because they feel like their child belongs to them. Some people are clueless and others are downright selfish.
10maxpower01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Totally true.
Source: my mom kidnapped me during my parents divorce stuff when I was 4.
Flope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can see why, I'd probably try something similar if someone tried to take away my theoretical child.
wicked-witch-west ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:05:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I have to imagine she fucked up really badly to have lost her kid, and was probably abusive... but I still feel for her.
nickvapes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:05:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just throwing this out here as I have dealt with a lot of cases like this, for all we know based on this information the mother just didn't make enough money (in the judges opinion) to keep her child and she resorted to desperate measures to get him back. A mothers love and bond for their child is incredibly strong, and due to life circumstances I have seen many mothers lose thier children to their own parents or sister or other family member, or in a worst case scenario the "system" which is orphanage or adoption agencys.
Or she could have been a meth addict.
All I'm saying is we can't judge someone until we know the exact situation the family is in.
Hitgirl1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:38:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that is fast acting and brave.
NSAwhatrudoingstahp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:33:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow! That is wonderful.
shishdem ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:26:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
CPS?
JagermeisterGibby ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:27:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Child Protective Services.
shishdem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:47:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks :)
ZacharyCallahan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:43:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you're not an English teacher.
teflon12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:11:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mobile phone in a waiting room. My fault
dontthrowmeinabox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's fine. It gave me a chuckle, and when I stopped being 12, I read and appreciated the story.
holololololden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hope his name isn't Jesse Custer. I'm never going to trust grandma's again.
Crisspie13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sad part is my mother tried this once, down side is we got outside and lots and lots of angry southern police.
mhende ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Head Start? I've had to do this but we had prior warning that dad had lost. Enforce his mom showed up so she never got her hands on them.
Redtitwhore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The kid should be with his mom.
AmbulatoryProfessorX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Happy Mother's Day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's just sad. :(
rediraim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember a parent did something like this when I was in I think 4th grade and the school went into lockdown.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or fucked the kid over, depending on how much actual truth you want to believe regarding CPS and the juvenile court system.
teflon12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Right . But none of that is up to me. Nor do I have any say or involvement in this young boys situation.
If she would have gotten away tho, it would have been an abduction....so I'd rather be on the side of the fence that im on
3mon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Saved the kid? lol
DR_BOOBIES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going through something very similar. In fact, I'm holding mom down with one hand as I type this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How did you know that she lost custody???
teflon12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
After cops arrived and detained the lady for "kidnapping and offered to press assault charges for myself and other.
Nobody pressed charges. She was highly emotion and we all understood that
-Insanity101- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:43 on July 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Saved the kid.
wwesmudge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
so you stopped a loving mom from being with her young child. Wow, you are the lowest of the low.
john_donnie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I find this very hard to believe... A) why would the mother run? Wouldn't she just walk away to make it less obvious as the teacher didn't know about the custody dispute B) would you really chase down someone on the assumption that they are kidnapping their child? That seems very impulsive and even if knew there was a dispute going on if it was something else she probably would've lost her job and a law suit... C) not really sure how you took someone's 5 year old child while they scratched you... Either your really strong or she's really weak...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah the guys story just doesn't add up. But hey, he got 1k+ internet points so, go him.
john_donnie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He totally did this too...
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1znlz4/whats_the_riskiest_thing_youve_done_and_gotten/cfvewdu
/r/thathapened
yeahuhhuhsure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I call think this is complete bullshit. OP tells the same story in a different thread, but instead of his "Super intendent" resigning in a week, this comment says he resigned. He has also posted pretty openly in /r/trees which leads me to believe this dude is not a teacher.
bangbangaha ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:57:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
under privileged?
fucking stupid piece of shit scum you know those kids had unchecked privileged fucking piece of SHIT FUCKING SHITLORD CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!
johnnyfootball123 ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 07:46:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you really so brainwashed that you believe you saved a kid by letting CPS ruin their life even more... Wow...
ew1090 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:44:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The grandparents won custody. CPS hopefully wouldn't be in the picture for much longer.
jcruss ยท 2072 points ยท Posted at 02:03:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The real reason my immediate family skipped my wedding reception: The night before my wedding, I (25) was driving to the house my family had rented to hang out with just my brother (the best man, 20), my father(54), and my uncle (my father's brother, 52). All of us are very close, and have never had any problems before. Also of note, my brother has extensive MMA experience, and is underage.
I expected it to be relaxed, just drinking, telling stories and general bullshitting. When I arrived (1 hr late) they were already completely trashed. My Uncle was the farthest gone. He kept walking into the neighborโs yard, trying to fight the guy who lived there. He would wander over, shout obscenities, and I would escort him back, while my brother and dad encouraged him. At one point, my I was distracted a little too long, and he disappeared. I went over to the house, to see if he was there, and my dad and brother followed me. The owner came out again, obviously pissed, and I talked him down...but my dad overheard the owner say that my uncle was "an out of control jackass." Dad took a swing at the guy, and missed, because my brother decked him (My brother did this, because he was terrified the cops would come and arrest him for being underage. Again, heavily inebriated.) They ended up in an all out brawl, in the middle of the street. My brother choked my dad out completely in a matter of seconds, and then started walking around like he just won a world championship.
During this, I'm just begging the owner to let me handle this and not call the police (still haven't found my uncle). As soon as I saw what happened to my dad, I ran over to him, only to be pushed away. He got up, and headed back to the house fuming.
I returned to the owner, and again, thanked him for his discretion and gave him my number to call if anything else happened.
I went back to the house to get my car keys to start searching for my uncle, but now my dad is gone. I asked my brother where he went and he replied "Bastard took the last of the Jack and left. Don't care." Great, so now both my father and uncle were gone. So I got in my car and headed to the police station, to see if either of them had been picked up. Got almost all of the way there when I got a call from my dad, but when I answered it, an MP responded. He asked if I was anon and I said yes. He told me that he caught my father climbing the wall of the military base (a part with lots of tourism, nothing important, plus there was a graduation that week, so the guards knew shenanigans were going to happen), and that I needed to pick him up. When I got there, there were 6 Navy MPs around him, and he had handcuffs on. They took off the cuffs and he thanked each and every one of them for their service to our โfine countryโ (no shit) and they let us go. Really awesome of them, I know. He didnโt talk to me the whole way home.
Finally, 2 hrs later, the neighbor called, telling me that my uncle was back, passed out in his yard. He said that my uncle had unlatched there gate, attempted to flip them off, and then passed out. No idea where he had been before this and my uncle obviously didnโt remember. Everything wrapped up around 5am.
I got married the next day at 2pm. I got 2hrs of sleep, but no hangover since I didnโt drink. My family was so embarrassed/mad with each other (I thought my aunt and mom were going to kill them), that they stayed for the ceremony only. My wife and I told everyone that they got food poisoning from some restaurant, and it messed with the schedule of events (no best man, mother-groom dance, plus two entire unfilled tables). Got sworn to secrecy, so now Iโm telling strangers on the internet. TL;DR My brother, dad, and uncle got hammered, fought each other and miraculously didnโt get arrested and only sort of ruined the wedding.
[deleted] ยท 1313 points ยท Posted at 03:58:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You've got a really nice lady if she heard all that and still agreed to marry into the family.
cosalich ยท 514 points ยท Posted at 06:59:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes it's more like one person marrying out of their family than marrying into yours.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:04:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, I'm more excited to be getting out of my family than getting into my boyfriend's family.
Bwhite1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:11:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. That statement was an epiphany for me. My wife married into mine, but more importantly married out of hers. Now (10 months later) she wants a divorce but is trying to keep her relationships with my family, she has been failing miserably so far.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:30:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's really sad. I hope you guys are able to figure it out amicably. Best wishes.
Jules_Noctambule ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's my husband's take on it. He was so glad to get a new family he wanted my surname to go with it, too.
bmangan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:05 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
a one-woman refugee camp
jcruss ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:59:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can't agree more! Although...we don't spend a ton of time with my side of the family.
Deisy5086 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:30 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sort of like the hangover, but in reverse
[deleted] ยท 350 points ยท Posted at 02:57:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CrazyH0rs3 ยท 262 points ยท Posted at 03:39:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's not as bad as you think, if it's a part of a base that's not under high security it's just a metal fence. The MPs will get rid of you though.
Newfur ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 04:51:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Escort you out" get rid of, "detain indefinitely" get rid of, or "shoot you repeatedly" get rid of?
nicklund23 ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 05:15:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Detain you until they can figure out what you were doing" get rid of you.
Newfur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, makes sense.
Archer007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's gotta be annoying as shit for the MPs. If they ever let somone go and that person tries to get into the base again or commits more crimes it's potentially their ass on the line for letting a "dangerous" person go.
rantlers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:44:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The point is that if it's a section of the base that is so lax about something like that, it's not a very important part of the base. Fort McCoy in WI is one example. it's an open base, civilians can just roll up to the front gate, show id and go in for certain MWR activities that might be going on that day. I've been all over the place on that base and never was in any branch of the military.
You can also get onto the base for their small ski "mountain" by just turning off of the highway and going down a dirt road. Follow those roads back further past the ranges and on certain days you can watch tanks blowing shit up. No guards or anything because even though it's a huge base, it must not be one that is too crazy as far as security.
nicklund23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
MPs have very limited authority over civillians. We may detain but not apprehend civillians and that is even limited to on base only. Their detention is usually only long enough to turn them over to civilian police who could then make the determination to charge them with trespassing.
wildcard5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, your username translates to nick penis 23 in my language.
nicklund23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:52:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What language is that?
wildcard5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Urdu (Pakisitan's national language). Though, you wouldn't find lund in a dictionary as its a slang word.
nicklund23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah Lund is a shortened version of my full last name, which has a Swedish origin.
CrazyH0rs3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:33:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Usually if you're not carrying a backpack full of c4 they'll just detain you for a few minutes and then escort you out. But YMMV, depends on a lot of factors.
mikbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All of the above.
RandomExMilJerk ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:37:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy's story: It's evening, September 11th, 2001. Base is locked down. Everyone's in full out lose your shit mode, still not really sure what happened. They stuck a rifle in is hand, gave him a radio, and set him down to watch the perimeter. Mind you, we're Air Force, so our combat training consists of like 3 day of classroom training before sticking a gun in our hand and telling us to defend the base.
Guy wearing a backpack jumps the fence. As far as we know, further attack are planned. My buddy is probably about 3 seconds from shooting the guy. Fortunately, when he radios it in, SF has somebody in a humvee nearby and they apprehend the dude.
Apparently, dumb ass fence jumper who almost got shot was off duty, maybe sleeping, when called in, stuck his uniform in the pack, and when he saw there was like a 4 hour wait to get on base, he decided to jump the fence.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:55:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My father was AF and stationed at a base where surrounding traffic was so bad that 4 hour arrive/depart times were nothing unheard of (the military owned all of the land north of the highway and the south was bordered by water. S.O.L.).
I completely understand where this guy was coming from.
BrianIsBAMF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds exactly like hurlburt field Florida.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ya got me.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:55:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
'get rid of you'
jcruss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:58:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. And because of the graduation (training command) and other events, they were really understanding. Plus, they thought it was hilarious.
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:46:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The real thing seems easier to do than in gta
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm testing this tomorrow.
j3lackfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
but you would instanly get 5 stars wanted point
DarkNinjaPenguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm from the UK. Our MPs are ... Different.
prince_fufu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
By get rid of you, he means handcuff you.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:51:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tried climbing military base , got shot, directions unclear
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:50:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid we used to explore storm drains around town. One led to the base and the opening was covered by a grate and some mesh fencing. The grate had a broken lock on it and we were easily able to get onto the back of the base. Found out later that the area we had gotten into was the live fire area. Could've been real bad.
This was back in the mid 90's so I'm sure security is a lot tighter now.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not really. It isn't particularly hard to get on a base anyways. Hell, when I visited my friend at camp Pendleton all he told me I needed to do was show ID at the base and say "I am visiting a friend".
ThisAintFifaBaby ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:12:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The barbed wire fences at faslane (submarine base in Scotland) got jumped one day by peace protesters and they actual got past two massive gates and stood on top of a submarine. The security is strict as fuck now though.
larjew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well if you go out with the specific goal of getting in somewhere it isn't that difficult, this was just some drunk guy without any equipment though(carpet/gloves/distractions).
ahighlifeman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:35:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A couple years ago, the PA system in my building announced that security forces were looking for a man who hopped the fence at our base and to let them know if anyone saw anything suspicious. They gave a brief description of him, and we didn't hear anything else for a couple hours. About two hours later, the PA comes on again saying they couldn't find him and are canceling the alert.
TL;DR: Air Force Security Forces work the same way as guards in Metal Gear Solid.
AbanoMex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:48 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ยก
Sergnb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's 5 stars for you son
bowhunter_fta ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 05:05:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds like you guys shouldn't drink.
JealotGaming ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:36:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What was he going to do in the military base?
jcruss ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:57:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he still had the bottle of Jack apparently, so probably sit in silence and sulk. Haha, we sort of pretend it never happened.
ThatGingerBrit ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:27:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, I've been wondering this for a while now. What does MP stand for? Cause the only thing I can think of is Member of Parliament. And I'm pretty sure that's wrong.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:34:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ShakerElk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Except for the Navy they're called SP for Shore Patrol. Could also be Master-at-Arms
KevZero ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:25:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, that story could have ended in a thousand different ways. I'm happy for you, your wife, your dad, your uncle and your brother. Sounds like a lot of pissed-up shenanigans that should all just be water under the bridge. But it could've been much worse. I hope these guys realize that.
Also, I totally agree with /u/Phaeorith - you got one hell of a girl that can just shrug that off and marry you after that ordeal. Keep that girl, man. Clearly, she loves you.
And clearly, you are the voice of reason in your family. I hope you can continue to be the one who keeps those jackasses from getting out of hand. But, at the same time, here's some advice: don't let their shit splatter on you. You and your lady have a good life ahead. Keep your eyes focused on the what's right. Another night like that, might not have such a happy ending.
That being said, congratulations on your marriage (you didn't say how long ago this story was, but whatever); and, that's one hell of a send up! Kudos to your boys for really letting 'er rip, without actually turning it into an FBI crime scene! :P
maccam21 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:21:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did your uncle has some reason for trying to fight the neighbor or is he just an asshole?
Rolten ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:20:48 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a house they rented for the wedding week.
Whatever the neighbor had done, trying to start a fist fight with him probably means you're the asshole, or at least a shitty person.
maccam21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:12:13 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
to quote Justified (and probably an expression): If you meet and asshold in the morning, you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you're the asshole.
BabalonRising ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:41:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah - none of these guys should drink. Ever.
horses_in_the_sky ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:49:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ricky and Julian as old dudes haha. That's hilarious.
spencerdrake998 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:13:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gslick ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:22:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your family sounds really smrt!
KingWrong ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:05:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
hey man sorry to hear about that it must have been hell for you. as an Irish person thats how way too many weddings end up here (sans military police )
losian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:38:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's some A+ family right there; thanks guys.
nabsrd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:59:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking hilarious.
Harbltron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i'm going cross-eyed just imagining how drunk you have to be to not be able to flip the bird
MoaninIwatodai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He must have been really drunk if all he could do was attempt to flip the neighbor off
NYComrade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My brother choked out my dad. Lol.
MarylandMaverick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...jesus.
someguyidunno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
make this a Movie with Robert De Niro as the Uncle and Calvin Klein as the Father and I'm watching it.
DearSergio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Navy doesn't have MPs. We have MA's
Iocaste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I thought for a while a Member of Parliament answered the phone, which would've been much more interesting.
Spambop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:40:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Er, what?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:40:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This should be a movie
JadesterZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I expect that this is how Benjen Stark will re-appear.
ChuckCarmichael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is that story copypasted from 4chan?
InverseCodpiece ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:37:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What? How do you get so drunk that you have to attempt to do that?
ekoorb12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The navy has MAs (Master at Arms)
meitapod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Real life hangover plot right there!?
irunxcforfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hangover Part 4
clash_city_rocker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
British guy here. I was wondering why a Member of Parliament was phoning you at first.
DavidHubbard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can we get a TL;DR?
At times my outstanding laziness even surprises myself
farrun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like your family can't drink for shit.
rlar2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maryland?
Redrum88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When a guy beats his father in a fight he feels like he can take Bruce Lee.
WhyAmINotStudying ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If I ever get married, I'm hiring a bouncer for the bachelor party.
Equalsthree95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is one hell of a great fucking story!
On3_BadAssassin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You had my attention at "My brother has extensive MMA experience, and is underage."
kidblue672 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow.... I am so sorry you had to deal with that the night before your wedding. Huge foul on your family's part for making you take care of them.
oversizedhat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like a typical weekend near the Naval Academy
elcapitanfiscal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your family sounds just like mine, except we don't need to drink to fight each other
PM_ME_UR_FACE_GIRL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So that's where stories like talladega nights come from.
Tom38 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If they had stayed for the reception then you would have had a real life Hangover!
MuffTheMagicDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What total dicks.
SebasV96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow....
Just wow.
ihsnh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you are lucky to have such a great wife.. most girls would run away... so congratulations!!
mosefacekilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
pretty sure that's the plot of the hangover 4
gravitationalBS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I thought you were a girl until the very end.
Zerasad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"anon" u sure visit 4chan a lot, huh?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:58 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
does your family do this often?
LaterallyHitler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:35 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I smell a copypasta...
Starcsha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is your family like a bunch of Ricks or what
misterhappysquid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:31 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man that was like reading a page out of my life!
Thezombieraper2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:31:45 on May 16, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like an episode from two and a half men.
hmm_whatnametouse ยท 561 points ยท Posted at 06:49:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My pregnant and overdue wife was having strong contractions so we dropped off our 3 year-old daughter at our babysitter's house on our way to the hospital. We met our midwife there and after an exam, we were told my wife wasn't quite ready to deliver. So our midwife told my wife to head home, have a warm bath, and call her in the morning. Didn't look like it was going to happen that night.
We thought, dammit, false alarm. So we decided to pick up our daughter from the babysitter's on our way home. I put our daughter to bed and my wife poured a bath. My wife wanted privacy, so I sat in the living room down the hall.
Her groans were getting progressively stronger. I had bookmarked a website I found a week or so before about how to home deliver a baby (just in case, my wife was a week late) so I quickly grabbed the laptop for a refresher.
My wife finished her bath so I handed her a towel and just like that, her water broke all over the bathroom floor. She kept groaning and then said she felt like she had to push. I was on my hands and knees with a towel cleaning when I looked up and saw the wrinkly head of my daughter. My wife asks, "Am I crowning??" and I nervously say, "oh no, no, not at all, uh, maybe you should go lay down, be there in a minute!"
So I quickly called our midwife and told her she better come over. I grabbed a bunch of towels from the closet and ran to our bedroom. She was already pushing, so I laid the towels out around the delivery area, held her hand, and told her we could do this.
Amazingly, after about 5 pushes, my daughter's head started coming out. After adjusting her shoulder to stop her from tearing out of there, she slid into my arms. With the umbilical cord still attached I put her on her mom's chest and covered her with the remaining clean towels.
A few minutes later our midwife arrived, and I got to cut the umbilical cord right there in our bedroom. We filled out a bunch of paperwork, weighed my daughter, and she gave us some pointers. And then she left for the night.
It all worked out. My daughter is 2.5 years old and she is a perfectly healthy, beautiful little girl.
Happy Mother's Day to my amazing wife and to all the mom's out there!
Simify ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 12:10:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck is this a story you never get to tell
You know God damn well you yell it constantly >:(
Will_of_Man_78609 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:39:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
LMAO! You deserve gold for that.
"Am I crowning??" and I nervously say, "oh no, no, not at all, uh, maybe you should go lay down, be there in a minute!"
Hilarious.
neurohottie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was funny. I don't think she believed him though! That's the type of question you ask when you already know the answer.
Crisspie13 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:18:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
great job, as a Paramedic child delivery is really easy (IN theory) just Catch and Cut, but I always used the best drug possible when PT. had Immanent labor...Diesel tell that EMT to drive faster or else he is gonna have one hell of a mess to clean.
allmyrabbits ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aww. Congratulations! Such a heart-warming story!
1millionbucks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:23:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We've all been there.
rctsolid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:06:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's wonderful and amazing! Congratulations!!
Rivaranae ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:24:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your bad ass, thats pretty cool.
Plubbe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations to you, and good on you for being so calm and prepared. You handled the situation beautifully and I bet you'll be a great father! Good luck!
Apatheticunt ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 17:20:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf I started laughing my ass off at "my daughter is 2.5 years old"
sardiath ยท 2965 points ยท Posted at 03:38:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
My friend who I'll call Stan and I were driving around in what happened to be the same night as prom. He gets pulled over for speeding like, the third time that month so he's pretty fucked if he gets a ticket. The cop gets to the car and asks for license, registration, and proof of insurance. All Stan has is his license, and the glove box is fu ll of firecrackers so if he even opens it to look we're fucked. So he's making up some bullshit to the cop about why he doesn't have his registration when suddenly the cop halls asks him, "Are you headed to prom?" Stan tells him that yes, of course we are. The cop asks "Oh yeah, well then where's your date?" At that point Stan reaches over, pats my thigh and says lovingly "This man right here's my date." The officer gets this dreamy look in his eyes and says, "You know, I'm gonna let you boys go. You have a great night at prom. I never got to go to mine..." and walks back to his cruiser and drives away.
TL;DR And that's the way my buddy got out of ticket by implying I was his gay lover.
Edit: To answer some questions, he was in a suit from some event he had earlier that day, I was in like silk Hawaiian shirt that looked like a dress shirt in the dark.
alexthemanwhoknows ยท 960 points ยท Posted at 10:41:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"I never got to go to mine."
I imagine the cop being gay had something to do with him missing prom.
BladeNoob ยท 377 points ยท Posted at 13:46:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That makes me sad :(
WannaBeSerenity ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:41:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The LGBT community in my area has a "try-again prom" for people that never got to go to their prom in high school the way they would have liked to. I think it's a wonderful idea.
BladeNoob ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:28:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that is a wonderful idea! Good for them!
ILLITERATE-_STONER ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:53:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:(
aprofondir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My dad never got to go to prom because Tito died
My-Account-For-Trees ยท 681 points ยท Posted at 07:57:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think the officer may have had repressed high-school homosexual relationships that he never acted on.
AdrianBrony ยท 336 points ยท Posted at 10:09:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's a real interesting story hiding behind this interesting story.
TheNumberMuncher ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:08:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He saw OP reach over and cop a feel.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a lifetime movie
MilesG102 ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 11:00:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or you know... He could just be pro LGBT and happy that these two kids were comfortable enough to be open about their relationship.
My-Account-For-Trees ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"He had a dreamy look in his eyes" "I never got to go to mine"
MilesG102 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, true
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 10:46:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
morgrath ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 12:24:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's the "dreamy look" combined with him saying he never got to go to his immediately after coming to the conclusion they were gay. Pretty strongly implies, at least to me, that he was someone who had been in the same situation in a different time when he didn't have that option.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:02:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Valid points, but I still don't think you can extrapolate it to a definite conclusion.
Could have had a dreamy look because he himself had a homosexual child, or simply because he respected the quick-thinking response of the guy.
There are also plenty of reasons to miss your prom / graduation than simply being gay.
I'm not really fussed either way, I just think sometimes people get carried away with the assumption that all police are one and the same with the same moral and ethical beliefs.
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:42:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, it is really that hard to believe
Keeronin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:37:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Psch, okay Freud nerd. Freud nerd, Freud nerd!
monkeiboi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:57:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cop here. You have to be REALLY comfortable with your sexuality as much junk as you have to grab making sure you don't get shot in the face.
spankymuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The only explanation, clearly.
TNUGS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
may have?
Pwnzu_Sauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:00 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing in this story says that the cop isn't currently open about his orientation, if that was the case.
OrderChaos ยท 1669 points ยท Posted at 05:14:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude was totally hitting on you. I bet you could've convinced the officer to join you for a sweaty, 6-ball love fest.
salazarg92 ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 09:26:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TIL : 6 ball love fest means a three some ,.. All guys,.. Edit: was invited to one,. Didn't go,. Had no idea what it was at the time,. Thank goodness
[deleted] ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 13:38:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why., do you., type like., this?.,
salazarg92 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 13:57:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't grammar ,. Not well ,.
SHIIIET-PUA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:02:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hes a demon
Tdaug ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:01:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Devil's threesome.
Yorpel_Chinderbapple ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 12:38:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Two guys one girl breh
Tdaug ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:58:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The chick could be a sexy trap ;)
iceburgh29 ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 06:37:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
mrw reading that
Thrasher1493 ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 07:28:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was that from all the jizz stuck in your throat after a 6-ball love fest?
iceburgh29 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 07:31:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin' got 'em!
Oh wait....
thatoneguy172 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:21:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If there are 3 guys, and each guy normally has 2 balls that means 3 X 2 balls = 6 balls.
The math checks out!!
Tdaug ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:02:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
6 balls divided into 2 ball sections = 3 guys. Half Life 3 confirmed.
spoonerwilkins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:43 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Woo Hoo!!!
Endless_Search ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:11:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why not a 3-pair love fest? Just like an au pair but better
digydigdogdead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:37:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This totally reminds me of wild hogs
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:38:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A 3 way mantangle
imperial87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:16:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Five. I like to imagine of the officer as a burly uniballer
siirka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck, man?
AnthonyNice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:35:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Officer Jesus?
trlln ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
nah wrong proof here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUjG8ueLt7I
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dang it I thought your sentence would end with "6-ball free fall" Yours it good to tho
aestus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Billiards as it's often called in more sophisticated circles.
NotaTallperson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
kingeryck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brojob choo choo
MuffTheMagicDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*5-ball. One of the officer's balls was having second thoughts.
boydeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP has three balls.
bealsan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
couple more dudes and you got a game of pool going lol
syncrobo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
Knasil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I formally propose that an 8 man gay orgy be called snooker.
Raincoats_George ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
BUT SARDIATH ONLY HAS 1 BALL. WHERE DID THE 6TH BALL COME FROM?!
OrderChaos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How do you know he has one ball? Did I miss a post or something?
Raincoats_George ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I seen't it.
SexlessNights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
6 balls? The math doesn't add up. I'm pretty sure the officer only had one.
Arrowjoe ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 07:34:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm out
CeruleanCistern ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:57:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Oh for crying out loud, never heard of a threesome before or something? It's 2014, get over yourself...
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 08:15:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh that's actually really sweet!!
Newsuperstevebros ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 08:38:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He didn't imply shit; he outright stated it.
Bloq ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 10:24:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one that finds this sad?
Fenastus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bittersweet
[deleted] ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 05:43:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
pqu ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 07:01:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
That's not a twist. It is the inevitable conclusion to this story
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 08:27:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Op pls deliver
Elfballer ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:24:02 on July 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Twist: they didn't give each other brojobs?
Asillyn00b ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 10:14:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
CHOO CHOO
spiralmonkeycash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:03:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
BROJOB BROJOB
Im_not_pedobear ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:29:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Choo chooo
ForTheRavers ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:10:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't possibly be that the officer wasn't actually concerned about the gender of them at all, and was merely having a moment of nostalgia in regard to his own life (shockingly he may not even be gay -!!!!), huh...
randthrowd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gets upset over people's judgements and reactions
Makes one himself
ForTheRavers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
facepalm
applesjgtl ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:35:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Were you in tuxes or something?
iplaysthedrums ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:39:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Be proud.
BobLeBuilDerp ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:53:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is the best thing I've ever read in my life. It feels like something that would happen between my group of friends.
mrkipling ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 09:16:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You need to read more.
TheDutchin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. There's like, four stories up above that are at the very least comparable.
coupdetaco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:29:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
don't be coy
DFTBA32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:35:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Pretending"
Spekl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:05:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stan from /r/stanisms?
frithy07 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:01:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you just happen to be wearing suits?
battman11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:28:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
amazing! reminds me of a story of my buddy and me from college. we went to school at a fairly small college and this was back before we realized that no on really cared about you getting high in your rooms. so we used to roll joints and smoke in the dugout of the baseball field, which didn't have a fence or gate (small schools...). One night, we were finishing up and we're coming out of the bushes when campus security rolled up in their golf cart. Now a rent-a-cop in a golf cart isn't usually a scary prospect, but when you're as baked as we were, it may as well have been the damn FBI. he pulls up and says "what were you two doing back there." without thinking, i simply say "we were just fooling around" not meaning to imply anything by that. its just what my high brain came up with. he looked at us with judgement dripping from his eyes and simply said "careful....you know we got cameras" and drove away quickly. needless to say, i don't think he wanted the image of whatever he thought was going on in his head.
TL;DR Buddy and I accidentally make security guard think we were "fooling around" instead of smoking weed on campus
losian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I see this I like to imagine it's one of those "the rapper known as" kinda things.. The friend's name is simply "friend who I'll call Stan."
ITGCYS ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:38:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A Pimp Named Slickback
Wildpig78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:54:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Four counts of indecent exposure, two counts of lewd, lascivious behavior... and one count of pure jealousy!
redDracula ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is awesome!
exmormonbasistgamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:24:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I read: "Who I'll call Satan"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your buddy sounds like an idiot
DatNinjaMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sooooo did you put out?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OHGOD GUYS IM RELEVANT
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Were you wearing suits?
Renverse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I ship this
teh_magic_dragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aww!
_Sasquat_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Funny story, but I don't really believe it. Were you dressed for prom? If you weren't dressed for prom, I don't see how anyone would believe that you're on your way to prom.
GingerBreadBeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brojob?
Canada4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brojob Brojob!
masman99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:07:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Read Stan as Satin
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Worst TL;DR I've ever read in my life! Hahaha
FutureWolf-II ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A glove box full of firecrackers, where do you live, Riverdale??
wetw1lly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This really tugged my feels.
CeciTree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favorite story on reddit. He just let you go! Oh my that is gold.
Wiinsomniacs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You were submitted to /r/bestofTLDR
pertichor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God, some of the comments here are so stupid. Cop is tolerant of gays = cop has to be gay?
This is the same kind of logic guys that think all gays are attracted to all guys use.
tescoman1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one who thinks this is complete and utter bullshit?
sardiath ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:52:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. Of all the people in the whole world, you're the only one who objects to the veracity of this post.
mrhairybolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's some trailer park boys shit right there
stanleythecow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:07 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
coughs
TESTICLE_KEBABS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:49:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kyle?
i_forgot_me_password ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, Cartman
noidentifier ยท 510 points ยท Posted at 04:38:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
One of my best friends and I used to talk about stuff we'd found on reddit, and eventually he asked me my username. I told him I was /u/_vargas_, because I thought he'd recognise the name, laugh, and demand my real one.
Instead he went and upvoted a bunch of Vargas's posts, and sent him a message saying 'I found you.'
TL:DR: I'm responsible for the creepy PMs in Vargas's inbox.
P.S. I told my friend the truth, but never sent an explanation to vargas. I'm going to take this chance to publicly apologise to him. But I'm a woman, so I'm surprised all of vargas' posts about his penis didn't tip my friend off.
drinking_tea_go_away ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 15:40:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I thought we all agreed that if this situation arises we were all saying /u/unidan
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:50:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know there was one dude who got laid a couple of years back by telling some chick he was /u/andrewsmith1986, so I thought that's who we were telling people we were...
HikerAdam ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:57:17 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that guy.
Semyonov ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:49:32 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I thought we say /u/StickleyMan? They are best buds!
JigglypuffPC ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 07:14:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
it's actually /u/_vargas_
noidentifier ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:32:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My bad, thank you!
Epick ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 14:04:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who dafuq is /u/_vargas_?
reddy97 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:54:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We found the friend, everyone.
Epick ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:31:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No I'm just out of the loop.
KarmaNeutrino ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:04:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/outoftheloop
Epick ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:22:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I just searched /r/outoftheloop in case anyone else was curious. Turns out he's just a popular redditor that comments on just about everything.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:11:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
not "who," but "what," I don't think you could call it human.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:38:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
See, I'd do this, but my friends would never believe I'd be as cool as /u/_vargas_ or any of the other well known Reddit personalities! Take it as a compliment?? :p
mommy2libras ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 20:37:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder how many people I can get to believe I'm /u/unidan. Probably none. As soon as they see the first post they'd be like "No way that ditzy blonde is that smart".
Unidan ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 20:38:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, posted that from my alt.
I_HAVE_SEEN_CAT ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:17:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I-I don't know what to believe.
chunkymonkey007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:00 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh noidentifier
JustGoingWithIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:09 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Vargas from Bizzaro World?
curtmack ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:20:27 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I always think of Vargas from FF6.
Yogurthead ยท 274 points ยท Posted at 03:58:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope I'm not too late for people to see this!
My late grandfather told me this story about his honeymoon with my grandmother in the 1940s.
My grandparents lived their entire lives in Brooklyn, NY, from birth until retirement. As the children of Italian immigrants, they were not particularly wealthy, so they spent their honeymoon on the neighboring island of Manhattan. One night, while on a leisurely stroll about the City, some jackass runs smack into them, knocking my grandmother into the street.
After helping his wife to her feet, my grandfather rounded on the interloper, grabbed him by the collar, and lifted him off the ground. As my grandfather brought his fist back break the man's nose he recognized the gentleman he was holding. It was Frank Sinatra. The Frank Sinatra. Ol' Blue Eyes. The Chairman of the Board.
It was then that my grandfather looked over his shoulder and saw a mob of screaming young women running their way. Now fully comprehending the situation, my grandfather said "Look where you're going next time, will ya?" The man nodded as my grandfather let go of him and with a slight shove shouted, "Run, Frank, run!" And with that, the leader of the Rat Pack ran off into night as the gaggle of rabid fans followed him.
TL;DR: Grandma and grandpa run into a celebrity.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 14:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"TL;DR: A celebrity ran into grandma and grandpa" FTFY :D
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:10:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Aww, man, you ain't never met no Frank Sinatra..."
sik_dik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
he beat Joe Louis's ass.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:31:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow.
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:08:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ditto.
allothernamestaken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:58:54 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'M WALKIN' HERE!
mommy2libras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jimmy Buffet used to hang around Gulf Shores, Alabama sometimes back in the 80s. My parents were out one night and he was at the same bar they were. I guess he was pretty plastered because he got up from his booth to sing, stumbled snd fell on my mom. Later, he walked in on my dad in the bathroom but instead of just saying excuse me and leaving, he apologizes to my dad and continues to stand there and talk to him while he finishes pissing. Great stuff, lol.
Zoraver ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 11:47:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Sir, change your tl;dr to ' Grandparents run into Frank Sinatra'. Not just any celeb!
stevod5 ยท 596 points ยท Posted at 03:16:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I worked in customer service, on the phone for a prominent sports company. There were about 8 of us pretty close knit and I was new to the company so not as close to everyone. I walk in to work and it's the first day of the year and it was like my second month in. I couple of people get laid off and one was a guy who was "inside sales" who had this goldfish that was like 2 years old. Apparently, everyone was given a goldfish a couple of years back and this guy kept it alive for quite some time, impressive to say the least. He was always changing the water and feeding this thing like it was a dog. So, being new everyone was like, give the fish to the new guy. I wasn't too happy because if was one more damn thing that I had to worry about. So they put it on my desk and I went to break. I come back and the fish is dead. For the 2 and a half hellish years I was there my nickname became "killer". It was pretty ironic that he get laid off and his fish died the same day.
[deleted] ยท 468 points ยท Posted at 05:23:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 8th grade, we had this freak bio teacher. He was insane.
I am on mobile so I won't tell all the things he made us do through that year, but once he asked us to bring some fish shop fish to lab.
Once in the lab, he proceeded to shock my fish with some wires connected to a 9V battery. Both stopped swimming and looked dead.
He then shocked them again and onlu half of their bodies started moving. He did it again and paralyzed them fully once more. He did it once more and he brought them back to normal and then I intervened.
I kept those fish for almost a year and a half. They were the fish that lasted the longest of all the fish I had ever had.
I never gave them any particular names other than the electric sardines, but they always made me think of Chinchou and Lanturn.
marchingmilde ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 08:09:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's insane, yet oddly adorable! I had a goldfish that my mom won for me when I was 5 in one of those stereotypical Carnival Ping-Pong Games, and I named him Goldeen because I didn't like much except pokemon in Kindergarten. The fucker ended up living for a good 3 more years at least, eating the other fish in his tank, then getting so large that we had to transfer him to my neighbor's larger tank to contain his unquencheable bloodlust. Fish are fucking weird.
Tinflyer3 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:56:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like Goldeen evolved into Seaking.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 13:32:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Electric Sardines. I'm stealing that and starting a band.
stevod5 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:51:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that's a funny story. I would have kept the fish alive I was given, but obviously it wasn't meant to be...
hickg001 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:28:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
what is dead may never die.....kinda
fleetber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:51:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Must've been Energizers
SashaTheFireGypsy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one around here that wonders why the fuck the teacher was shocking a fish with a 9 volt battery?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:25:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was a central nervous system experiment.
He was fired over a much worse offense later that year.
yeaiwentthere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck.
Scooby303 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:56:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lanturn sounds like an awesome gangster nane
hatwearer777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've done a similar thing to get my modem/router working again
Starcsha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:54 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"They called me insane!"
No-DrinkTheBleach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:30 on May 27, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i know this post is a little bit old but i would really appreciate it if you would post or PM me some of the other stuff your teacher did. and whatever he did to get fired.
....i like stories about crazy people ._.;
TaranK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking Lanturn, survived the shocks cause of the mad sp.def it has.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Actually it was Volt Absorb...
TaranK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:11:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
xD
johnnyfootball123 ยท -13 points ยท Posted at 08:16:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
... Fish don't feel pain...
Muffin_guy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:36:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a fish?
pie3035 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:34:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He's just a goldfish who's been scorned one too many times
johnnyfootball123 ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 16:54:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Of course I'm the one downvoted... Redditard liberals don't like their beliefs getting ass confused by silly facts...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/9797948/Fish-cannot-feel-pain-say-scientists.html
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/08/130808123719.htm
http://m.livescience.com/37921-do-fish-feel-pain-fish-pain.html
http://www.weather.com/news/fish-feelings-20130114
http://m.huffpost.com/ca/entry/3533607/
You agenda pushing downvoters are just pathetic trolls.
hernyd ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:08:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was more the fact that you just made a random claim without sources, so people didn't think you were saying an actual fact.
Ryu-Ryu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:47:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You care way too much about this sweet delicious Karma
queen-nymeria ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:31:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
From the livescience link you posted:
And:
Plus, the study that claimed this was for a journal called Fish and Fisheries, dedicated to...fishing and fisheries. They're probably not going to publish an article saying that fish can feel pain.
johnnyfootball123 ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 18:47:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're a fucking jackass. A goldfish is much smaller than the fish used in these experiments... But there's no point in arguing with such a fool, you chose to believe whatever you want, no matter how ignorant it may be to actual facts, and you will pick and choose the parts of articles you want to base your arguments around no matter how factual an issue is. So in your pathetic brainwashed mind a goldfish feels pain. I feel sorry for you.
queen-nymeria ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:18:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, so, notice how in my comment all I did was point out and quote sections from your sourced material that I felt contradicted your point? And your first reaction was to insult me, ignore my points, and declare yourself the most intelligent person of the two of us. See the problem?
Starcsha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It is pretty much impossible for an animal not to feel pain. Evolution would not allow it. Pain isn't just a minor inconvenience, it is important to be able to distinguish whether your body is functioning properly or not. Any living beings that cannot feel pain are not likely at all to survive for long, and thus not likely to reproduce, yadda-yadda, I'm sure I don't have to explain evolution to you. It just doesn't. Make. Sense. Scientifically.
Whilst it is most likely they don't feel pain as we do, considering their nervous system is very different, they must feel pain somehow.
RaipFace ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:34:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wut
rethardus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:25:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
People should realize that a goldfish' lifespan can be pretty long. Our goldfish lived up to the age of 15, and it could've been longer if it was still ours. We sold our restaurant, with the aquarium and all. One day, a random guy knocked on our door, asking us for advice for the fish aquarium. Turns out the owners were on holiday and left the fishes in his care. Both parties did an awful job. The owners didn't clean the aquarium enough so algae would take oxygen of the fishes. The guy suspected something was wrong but never took care of that giant old goldfish, who's actually dead but floated around as if it were alive. It hurted a bit, since we raised that fish from the beginning of our career, and because someone else didn't take care of it, it had to die. Fifteen years is a feat for a goldfish. Actually, our story's quite similar, Mr. Killer.
Gallein ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is correct. Especially if the fish was in a bowl on the desk, it was being poisoned by its own waste and probably stunted. It's days were numbered.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:13:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Separation anxiety.
Protagonists ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:35:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when my friend moved to Venezuela so he gave me his fish and i thought it was awesome. I promised him i would take good care of them. A few days later i notice their water is dirty so i change it. Nothing out of the ordinary just 11 year old me filling up their tank with tap water and putting them back in then going back to my room to do whatevet it is that i used to do when i was 11. I come out after 2 hours or so and see them both dead. I wasnt truly devasted but i was sorta sad. I felt better after throwing their dead little corpses against the wall multiple times with my friends.
stevod5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:39:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your last sentence made the story, hands down.
akamoltres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is on /r/talesfromcallcenters right?
stevod5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, this is a true story. I swear.
akamoltres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:17 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't dispute of trueness
But if it isn't already, PLEASE post it on /r/talesfromcallcenters
TheInnocuousBastard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's heart broke and it died. You monster!
Gaping_Maw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sad he didnt get to keep his fish
1cenine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not to be that guy but that's coincidental, not ironic.
stevod5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've been on reddit for like 3 days...I didn't know about that thread.
stupidusernamestaken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus man keep a consistent story that was a pain to read
Koiq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's not ironic.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
it must have been like raaaaaiiiiin on his wedding day
[deleted] ยท 2823 points ยท Posted at 01:31:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a guy ran up to a girl from her behind. The guy thought that was his girlfriend so he grab her butt and tried to kiss her. The girl was freaked out and pepper sprayed him. His real girlfriend was behind watching the whole thing from a distance and called him a dumbass.
[deleted] ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 04:56:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing happened to me in Vegas. Drunk me walks over to a roulette table and grabs "my wife's" boobies from behind and kissed her neck. Turns out it was her sister who was standing right next to my wife (they really do look very similar from behind). They both took it cool and laughed...as did everyone else on the table. I won't ever hear the end of it though!
lord_geryon ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 06:01:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, now your know your sister in law doesn't mind letting you play with her boobs. You got options if things go sour.
Subliminal87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:25 on May 28, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The real jackpot of Vegas right there.
userdeath ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:21:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wow. what a freebie!
THAT_WAS_TITS ยท 1934 points ยท Posted at 01:45:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to watch that happen.
Methuga ยท 1074 points ยท Posted at 02:08:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If she used "lol" in real speech, I'd try to cheat on her too.
ragestar23 ยท 152 points ยท Posted at 03:28:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If she pronounced it 'el oh el' or 'lole'?
Inepta ยท 223 points ยท Posted at 04:14:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lawl
Retarded_Artist ยท 272 points ยท Posted at 04:22:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lawl and Order
Sketch_U_Betcha ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:42:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Id watch it.
Blackdalf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:55:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lawl the Pretty Horses
Secres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lawl School
Avertr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dun dun
CircdusOle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In the internet justice system...
someguyidunno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DUN DUN
funguyshroom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
League
onewhitelight ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:48:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol of legends
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol of lol
JigglypuffPC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dod of defeat
WookieeBass ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:49:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I always pronounce is like "lull" in my head.
nigglin247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What's so funny punk
umlal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
So long and thanks for all the memes!
the_noise_we_made ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jerry "The King" LAWLer
Retarded_Artist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:10:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Let's hit the gym to get some lole"
MicrowaveNuts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:14:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lul
Wimoweh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:24:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I pronounce it "loll"
umainebeast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
Captainaddy44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When joking with my friends, we use 'el oh el', 'lawl' and 'a-yay o a-yay' (Spanish class joke 'll o ll') interchangeably.
HiImDavid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
CURB
toxicbox ยท 482 points ยท Posted at 02:18:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday I ate dinner with a girl who used "OMG" and "LOL" in actual conversation. I had to resist the temptation not to blow my brains out.
zeshtorm ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:42:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You think that's bad? I was recently hung out with my friend and his little sister, who's 17. She used the word swag. A lot. Won a hand of poker. "Swag". It was fairly easy to resist the temptation to kill myself though; there're lots of stuff I'd like to do before I die.
The_sad_zebra ยท 344 points ยท Posted at 03:04:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I knew a girl who used lol in actual conversation, but instead of saying the individual letters "L. O. L." she said it like it was a word. "Lawl"
I didn't like being around her.
niknik2121 ยท 543 points ยท Posted at 03:28:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone knows it's pronounced like "lole".
[deleted] ยท 348 points ยท Posted at 04:00:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lolรฉ
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
AwakenedSheeple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:55:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Remember the golden rule: Keep lolis to 2D only.
zer0nix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The festive version of lol!
Check_the_shrek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lรถle
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's pronounced heyhus
CoolTom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:05 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ole! How do I do an accent mark?
OhHowDroll ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 03:35:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah if everyone you talk to takes the short bus to school. Lawl for life!
That_Boss_DK ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:41:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I... I thought I was special.
OhHowDroll ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:09:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A laughable idea! So much so that I might just do so... out loud.
naughtyhegel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no it rhymes with your username, thats why /u/niknik2121 has 107 comment points
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lawl brigade representing
LawL4Ever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:26:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
hrm?
BritishBrownie ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:48:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Does nobody just say 'loll' not like toll, like 'moll' in 'mollusc'? Maybe this doesn't work if you're american
_Thai_Fighter_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, this is how it should be said.
Connorthe1Great ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lรผl
CallMeYourGod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:38:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Like, totes
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:31:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that's how I pronounce it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lulz
Xikky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or lel
420Sheep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lel
Sour_J ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:56:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I actually says this but only to myself if i see something funny on the internet. Reddit has ruined me!
Asdayasman ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:42:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who the king fuck says "el oh el"?
For that matter, fuck the who says "lawl"? It has no W in it. It's "lol".
The_sad_zebra ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 04:16:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just showing how she pronounced it.
infecthead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe she's saying 'lawl' and not 'lol'?
pickel5857 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:45:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The other way sounds like it has a W in it too. Like "bowl". I always associated that pronunciation with "lul" or "lulz".
In my head "lol" is "lawl", like you would say lollipop or lollygagging.
Asdayasman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:41:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
LOWlipop?
No. Lol. It's simple.
pickel5857 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:50:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that isnt what I said, at all.
There's "lawl", as in Lollipop (you know, like how a normal human being says it.)
Then there's the other way, "lole" or "lowl". Like in "bowl".
The point is that both pronunciations sound like they have a W.
Dont know where you got LOWlipop from.
Asdayasman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:20:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's no "lawl" in "lollipop" you word-slurring downsy fuck.
pickel5857 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, so it's "loo-lipop" then. Gotcha.
Asdayasman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:30 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"loh-LI-pop". How the fuck can you be so retarded.
pickel5857 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You put the emphasis on the LI? Where are you from? I'm just gonna chalk this up to different accents. No need to be a prick.
Asdayasman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:52 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd chalk that up to it being too fucking early, I admit. I do indeed emphasise the "LOH".
TheViolentDelight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:12:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
boombotser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:09:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
the girls in my honors classes do this, it makes me want to kill myself
Pokeminer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:55:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I do this...
shocktar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My guild master in ESO does it on TS, its particularly annoying
GoonCommaThe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I do that when we tell bad jokes to each other. We have a weird face and voice that goes along with it.
LockeWatts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend group in middle school would type out "lawl" because we thought we were edgy.
Gabriellasalmonella ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:54:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Geez, saying the individual letters would be worse!
cracksocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit, what is up with you guys? I hear this literally every freaking day
M80IW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One day you will marry that girl, and she will do things like that to piss you off for the rest of your life.
_Thai_Fighter_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you're gonna say it, it should be one word, if an acronym spells something that can be spoken, it usually is.
Witchgrass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My little sister pronounces "memes" as "mee-mees" and it drives me up the fucking wall
mrsggg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
omg fuck i say "omg" and "lawl" ... I thought this was normal!
The_sad_zebra ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is awkward...
Kafke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you prefer an awkward silence? Because I say 'lawl' when I find something funny but can't laugh.
TheViolentDelight ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:12:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone in my college says the word in normal conversation
Alysaria ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:13:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My husband and I jokingly say "lol" to each other. I've caught myself saying it in public...and then I awkwardly change it to "Laaaahahahahaha" so I just sound like I'm a weirdo singing my laughter. =.=
Lithiarch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:10:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I just pissed myself imagining that.
herpderpedia ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:46:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RIP in peace /u/toxicbox
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:58:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago a friend was telling me a "funny" story. I wasn't finding the story to be funny in the slightest bit, so I was barely listening to her. When she finished telling it she was laughing, but I accidentally said "el oh el." I wasn't even smiling. I just said it without thinking, because she was laughing, I had hardly been listening to her, and needed to respond with something. I was extremely ashamed. I did however start laughing, and had to tell her what had just happened. She wasn't amused. I never did it again though.
TL;DR I was a dumbass, and accidentally said "el oh el" out loud, without even actually laughing or smiling.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:07:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You had to resist the temptation to blow your brains out. I would think the temptation to not blow your brains out would be one's normal state.
docmartens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad you resisted that temptation, and my condolences
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would've stood up and walked away.
EMUgixx6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's so funny.
Endulos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin, who is 35, says that shit out loud. Not ironically either. She is DEAD SERIOUS.
MurderBoner420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Blow *her brains out.
FTFY
You aren't the one wasting oxygen. Stick around.
deadtime3am ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:'c awe I use lol in conversation in person a lot
snoweydude2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe you shouldn't have showed your mom the Facebook.
Arkzora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have a not-really friend that does this daily.
It has made me contemplate suicide on multiple occasionsIt's so annoying.[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:03:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You had a temptation to NOT blow your brains out? And you resisted it? So your brains are currently blown out?
Ihateloops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:04:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You had to resist the temptation to blow your brains out. If you resisted the temptation not to blow your brains out, you would've blown your brains out.
Diabetix1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:32:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait...
had to resist the temptation not to blow my brains out.
So... You shot yourself through the head?
Knappsterbot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If that's all it takes to set you off, maybe it'd be best if you had.
toxicbox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was being exasperated? Honestly I thought it was more funny than anything.
Thanks for telling me to kill myself though.
Knappsterbot ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:05:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Anytime bud
network_noob534 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow dude. That's totally ratchet.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 02:45:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
3_14159 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:52:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean average intelligence? If she has even a tiny bit of intelligence, then blowing her brains out would decrease the net intelligence, but may increase average intelligence (except if she is above average in intelligence in the room).
Daiwon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, this guy's pretty negative.
Appiedash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She has negative intelligence obviously.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:09:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
welp, you too, are a dumbass
BitchesLoveDownvote ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:12:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like the perfect time to use 'lol' IRL. I'd use it to indicate something is funny, but in a moronic sense. Lol is best used to mock the situation.
billy_the_adolescent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
my boyfriend and i say lol in real speech, but not text. also, he says "I know those feels".
Lumepall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:30:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I really hope this is a joke. A bad, bad, joke.
tocilog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:24:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In tagalog, 'ulol' means something like dumbass. So when people say 'lol' I sometimes mistake it for that. 'What did you call me!? Wait no...'
fiqar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would've broken up with her on the spot
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
I_am_up_to_something ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:35:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I first saw people using lol I just assumed that it meant the same thing as in Dutch. Took me a while to figure out it stands for laugh out loud. Though it doesn't really matter, but can be used in the settings they're commonly used in.
I_am_up_to_something ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:34:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact: lol is the Dutch word for fun.
warwick_capper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Beggars can't be choosers buddy ;)
naughtyhegel ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:45:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
LillaNissen ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:35:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no you wouldn't. lol
quantum-mechanic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad you were hear to put the OP's short comment in bullet point format. Really summed it up nicely.
Lee_power ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude you should write screenplays.
aerostotle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY
SpazHunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to play a game with a girl where you sneak up on each other and slap them in the face and yell penis. One day I was waiting in the lunch line and slapped a random girl and shouted penis in her face... My girl was in the other line 5 feet away...
GarethGore ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:24:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a swimming pool in France at a campsite about 6 years ago and was in the pool, and both my sisters were about and so was my brother, as were a large number of other kids. I should say I have incredibly bad eyesight, and wasn't wearing glasses, my youngest sister who was maybe 8 or 9 at the time was wearing a bright green swimsuit and has bright red hair. I saw a girl sitting on the edge of the pool just dangling her feet in that fitted that description exactly, so swam under the water, came up below her and grabbed her feet, pulled her in thinking it was my sister.
It was not. I realised this, panicked (while this girl is thrashing around trying to swim) and I just swum away under the water, got out quickly , and just walked as fast as I could back to the place we were staying as everyone was focused on this girl.
I was informed later by my sisters that she didn't drown or anything so everything was okay.
mariojt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:24:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
plot twist: he did it on purpose
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:27:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: The girl that pepper sprayed him actuallt was his girlfriend.
Ahmrael ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:02:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A dumbass did this to my girlfriend at water world several years back, only he full on kissed her. I probably would have relieved him of a few teeth if his sister hadn't so profusely apologized.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 12:24:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am pretty sure you are an asshole.
uberduger ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:43:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, you've got to be a bit of a moron to go up to someone's face and kiss it without knowing whose face it is. Going up from behind and grabbing someone could be an honest mistake, but kissing someone else's girlfriend and then going 'whoops, my bad' is pretty hard to do. I can see why the guy was annoyed. And the 'relieving him of teeth' thing was likely just hyperbole.
Ahmrael ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:56:09 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What!?! Really? Some guy full on kisses my girlfriend and I'm the asshole?
3mon ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 13:31:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
me 2
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:29:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:45:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just curious, but why? It's not like it was intentional or anything.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:53:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that's what I figured. I was just curious.
Hans_Wermhat4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:53:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Really? For a little dumb mistake like that?
60244089059540804172 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 04:12:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who the hell would even try to do that to their girlfriend in public? Ick.
Sretsam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This very nearly happened to me at a costco. Luckily I realized last minute, and did not slap the ass of the random lady in front of me who looked sort of like my then girlfriend from behind.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:07:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well. I guess that's one good thing about being single. I won't have to worry about accidentally doing something like that.
Forever alone...
Supernaturaltwin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Minus the pepper spray, this happened in high school my sister and my bf.
penisinthepeanutbttr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
bae caught me grippin'
the_is_this ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fiction
Warondrugsmybutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:47:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I dated a girl who had an identical twin. Same haircuts, style of dress etc. Only goosed her sister from behind once. Would have been awesome if she didn't have the exact same tits as her sister...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same with me for a while in high school.
Jubjub0527 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:40:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a classroom and this 14 year old 7th grader (he's AT LEAST 14.. Looks about 16 honestly. Many kids in this district repeat a few grades) kept teasing this girl. It was clear they liked each other, he'd take her candy, she'd playfully fight with him to get it back... All of that really annoying childish shit. Finally I had to crack down and tell him he was being inappropriate bc he came from behind her, wrapped his hands around her, and started tugging on her pants. When I told him he couldn't do that he got all huffy and confrontational. His defense? "Yo, this my cousin!"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. Seriously, who does that to their cousin? Also, why was he's a 14 year old 7th grader? Got held back twice?
Jubjub0527 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Most of the kids do in this school. One kid spent like 3 years in 6th grade. He was 16 by the time he got to the high school.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you live in a low income area?
Jubjub0527 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't but the school is extremely low income. Nearly every student is on a free lunch/breakfast plan. Actually, one of the first conversations I had with a teacher there was on a lunch duty. His words: "Man... These kids be all kissin' on each other.... You know no one leaves this town... I be like, 'Y'all two be kiss in' on each other... You both look alike. Do you know who your fathers are?' You know these kids is inbred!" After being there a few years... Yeah. I can see it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dang. My school is like half and half. It's weird. You got wealthy suburban kids and kids from the low income ghetto going to the same school.
Jubjub0527 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that's what my alma mater was. This school is a perfect example of flat out racism. The surrounding schools have no more than 10% minorities. This one is a "minority majority" school, where you can count the whites in the school on one hand.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school is more diverse. I believe it's 44% White. 32% Hispanics. 25% Asians. 10% Black.
shishdem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"a guy", op?
ZannX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of my fears.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not something I need to worry about.
Forever alone...
prince_fufu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So she wasn't mad?
JewboiTellem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Something like that happened to me. I was walking to my apartment when I see my girlfriend farther down the street. I yell her name and start yelling a conversation for like 15 seconds. We take the same elevator as I realize, holy shit, this isn't my girlfriend. her name, however, was the same as my girl's. She thought I was some stalker for a second until I explained. Pretty hilarious ride up.
Jigsus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who the hell has pepper spray in hand all the time ready to shoot?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few girls I know. My sister carry one 24/7.
Jigsus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In her hand ready to spray any guy that comes up from behind her?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She used it really fast after that guy came up from behind her.
mommy2libras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I almost grabbed a strangers ass at the craps table earlier, thinking it was my husband. I noticed in time though, before I grabbed some poor guy's butt and gave him a heart attack.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he would have enjoyed it.
mommy2libras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:02 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe. But he'd probably just jump a mile. My husband's hair is pretty much totally grey and that feature what what made me decide it was him (I was way hungover from a music festival this weekend and not really thinking clearly). When I said heart attack, I meant it. The guy I almost grabbed was pretty old.
trullette ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:15:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If this happened to my husband I'd laugh my ass off til the pepperspray, then be kinda pissed about that.
Pastrykiller ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:47:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I know who this was, was it a short little asian girl that got grabbed?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:07:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No. It was a blonde girl and to be honest, she look almost exactly like the dude's girlfriend.
smbrct41 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:46:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thathappened
bangbangaha ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 07:09:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
fucking shitlord rapist needs to be fucking killed.
[deleted] ยท 3382 points ยท Posted at 04:05:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was walking down the street once, a backpack on my shoulder to go to school, and I had work after school that day, so naturally I had some extra clothes in my backpack, plus the two sticks of deodorant that I keep on me at all times. I had a good $300.00 in my wallet, and was only $150.00 away from getting that new flat screen TV. That's when I see him. A homeless guy, looking down on his luck, sitting next to a really sick looking dog. No sign, no money cup, just a man and his dog. Now I've seen this before, as I live in the city, and it may sound stupid, but this one was different. I kinda walk up to him, and ask him "what's wrong?" "I don't have enough money to get help for my dog." he says. "I tried to sell a necklace that I had, but they only gave me $50.00 for it." So after about a minute of talking to the guy and thinking about it, I tell him, "I believe you, man, what's your name?" he tells me his name, I tell him mine. "Well, Rob, I like you. I'm going to give you $250.00, a stick of deodorant, and some help. My friend works at the gas station just down the street, you know, the Marathon? He's got a guest room, and can probably get you a job, You down?". So I call my aforementioned buddy, Derek, and ask him if he's got room in his place for someone to get back on their feet and if there are any job openings at the station. Sure enough, the answers are yes, and possibly. So I explain to Derek the situation and he approves, even tells me that he can talk his boss into getting him a job interview. So I give the money to Rob, so he can get help for his dog, I give him my phone number, and I tell him that my friend is taking off work to come pick him up soon. I tell him, "Use the money to fix your dog, and whatever else is left is yours to do with what you please, but, I'm trusting you to use this money wisely. My friend is going to get you a job, and give you a room in his house, but only until you can afford an apartment or something." Next thing I know, this man is hugging me, crying, saying things like "thank you, thank you, I promise, I'll do good by you" and other things along that line. A few days after that, Derek and I took Rob shopping for some new clothes for his job interview. He's all settled into his space in Derek's house, and everything is going well. His dog's in the vet for a digestive/gastrointestinal problem from eating some odd trash. I checked in on them periodically, but then I hear back a few months later from a phone number that I've never seen before, so I let it ring for a little bit. Then, It hits me: Rob! So I answer it as fast as I can, Fucking up and almost dropping my phone, and I hear his immistakable voice. "Hey, Rob! how's it going?" After a little bit of a phone conversation, I find out that he got the job, Bought a phone, and most importantly, is renting an apartment. I head on over, and it's not a bad place at all! He said the next step is to quit smoking. To this day, (only a few months after all this) I still talk to him on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays.
TL;DR: I helped somebody once.
P.S: Sorry for the text wall.
EDIT: A word.
EDIT: Thanks for the gold, guys. I really appreciate it.
EDIT: And, due to Previous request, I give you... /r/oncehomeless!
Feldkirch ยท 1183 points ยท Posted at 05:27:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, this is awesome, you literally gave a man and his dog a life again. Did you ever find out his story?
[deleted] ยท 1618 points ยท Posted at 06:08:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did, actually. The man used to live with his wife, And was overall, a great husband, I think he said her name was like Nicole or something, until she started getting abusive (emotionally) . She proceeded to Fuck with him, mistreat him, and cheat on him, till she filed for a divorce. She said he cheated on her, and then she got a hefty amount of his stuff and money. They hadn't had any kids yet, so she took the house, too. He couldn't afford rent at the place he was trying to live in after that, so he got put out on the street he said he was homeless for almost a year by the time I came by. Last I've heard, Rob talked to a mutual friend of hers and found out that she's a heroin addict now, and is homeless and has an STD or something like it. Karma man, It's only a bitch if you are.
[deleted] ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 08:59:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Molehole ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 13:47:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it. In my country everything is split 50/50 after divorce. Being a bad spouse doesn't mean you should lose all your property. Cheating is bad and not moralic but man, it isn't really illegal. Neither should the punishment be losing your house. That's stupid. Cheating is pretty common anyways.
IGotBigStuffGoingOn ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:38:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What country exactly? I might have to move there. Can I live with you for a while untill I can get a place of my own?
Molehole ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:39:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Finland. My flat isn't big enough to host you sorry :D and I'm pretty sure my girlfriend would dislike it.
IGotBigStuffGoingOn ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:41:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So...if this girlfriend where to be "removed" I could live with you?
Molehole ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 15:42:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'mouttahere
Rolten ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:09:14 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've lived in America as a child for a few years and really want to move back there one day after I'm done studying. Stories like this scare me though.
I'm very glad with my Dutch government and police force. I trust them and know that while they're just people and mistakes can be made, I won't get fucked by them. Things like 'he raped me, I have 0 evidence but he raped me because he's a dick' or 'he cheated, so I get most of his stuff' simply won't hold up here.
The American court system though...
Catterjune ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How do you split a house though?
I mean, obviously you'd sell it and split the money between the two, but then what happens if someone still owes money on it? What about if the value went down on the house and you owe more than the house is worth?
And then, who's buying the house? Couldn't one of the former owners snatch it up? It gets really complicated when two people are put as owners of a really expensive thing.
Molehole ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:37:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You either sell it or the other spouse buys the other one out. Just like you said. There is no problem. If both want the house and they can't get into conclusion court orders that neither one gets the house.
If house is sold and it still has debt the debts are paid first from the sale value of the house. It isn't that complicated.
For example when my girlfriends parents broke up her mother took a loan of 80'000โฌ to pay for the half of the house which was owned by the husband. Nothing special.
panda_timelady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:50 on September 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Our country got an amendment a couple of years back which basically stated that, in the event of adultery on the man's side, the wife get 50% of everything CONFIRMED plus 50% of her husband's own stuff.
On event of adultery on the woman's side, it's 50/50.
I'm not even sure if that's correct but I remember there was an outcry over misandry and golddigging about this.
deadleg22 ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 08:57:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How do these women just outright get the house? I hear of this a lot.
Dandaman3452 ยท 109 points ยท Posted at 09:27:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because all men have excellent jobs and all women are helpless and needy /s
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:35:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Here comes SRS!
OneAnimeBatman ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 10:14:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sexism. It goes both ways.
MissJBoo ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 10:27:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And then you have the other side of it. He cheated on me, got a girl pregnant, we divorced and he got the house, all the contents and the truck. I got bills, debt and had to start over. The struggle is real but I'm almost always making ends meet now.
Pandaburn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can't imagine this. I guess if I ever get married I'm getting some legal protection. Good luck.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:18:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
He couldn't really explain it. I guess he wasn't really a rich man, and his wife had more money, so she outbid the owner of the house. EDIT: A letter.
flesjewater ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 09:46:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Biased judges, feminist thinking gone haywire
flowerflowerflowers ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 10:14:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to say "this woman's additional crime is making women elsewhere look like shit!!" but then I realized, only an asshole would really judge women/feminists/etc on a single case they hear on the internet/tv/whatever.
theoreticaldickjokes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:31:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately, you're kind of right, simply because the world is full of assholes.
flowerflowerflowers ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 10:38:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fairly certain that most of the "feminists!!!" they have ever heard of are through tales on the internet, on TV, or because they got called out once in class being a sexist asshole.
Then again I don't think many of these men really know any women that aren't on TV, their families, or are in their porn.
Ratelslangen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:57:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel a mayor case of passive agressiveness.
He didnt say feminists, he said femenist thinking, the fact that in sweden feminazis almost got a law passed that taxes men only because they are men to "Fund rapist shelters (because all men could be rapists)"
prewk ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:33:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, you're lying. Thought I'd say something to let others reading your comment know.
Divotus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:50:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They also take half your heart, half of your money, and all the pussy.
drop_bear_assassin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:12:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If only there was some kind of wizard who could conjure these up for us.
Divotus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
fuck
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:33:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The "pussy money heart" wizard? he lives down on 4th street. /s
GoldenEyedCommander ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There must be more to the story. Maybe the house had a zillion dollar mortgage and wasn't really much of an asset.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:34:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, It's a pretty dodgy subject with Rob. He's still kind of angry about it.
drop_bear_assassin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was hoping for a proper answer to this. Ah well.
ZacharyCallahan ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 10:41:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
because you never hear of the times it happens to women.
deadleg22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:42 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You mean 'never hear the end of it'.
tenix ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Feminism has taken over western countries
DesertOTReal ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 10:42:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Liberal yahoos
mogambo88 ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 08:17:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Words to live by. And the world needs more people like you.
ChaoticNeutralLife ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:32:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was literally about to comment on this before I read your post...so...word.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Word, to my homies.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure there are other people that do what I did, and probably on a daily basis. There's just a lot more people that don't do it that overshadow the proud few who do.
ImOnlyWords ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:01:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey I enjoyed your story, and if you remember a few months down the road, drop us an update on your friend. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like to continue to know more.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:36:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, Definitely. Hell, If you guys want, I can make a subreddit.
maximtomato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How about /r/oncehomeless
ktamanda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I like it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds good! A sub for once homeless people to tell their stories!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I Made It!
mr_axe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should, awesome story.
You're a good guy
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll make one later today, and call it "what's up with rob?
joazito ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 09:39:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking Nicole.
Frankie_In_Like ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:01:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I knew a Nicole that was a homeless, meth-addicted bitch who used everyone and basically ruined my ex-boyfriend's life. Fucking Nicole.
AkitoW ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:02:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good karma's on his side too, takes a good man to be fortunate enough to be helped like that, man your story put a tear in my eye and I was thinking if I was in your situation I wish I could be as selfless just like you
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know about selfless, I mean afterwards, I was kinda like 'now I can't get a tv, but I feel good.'
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:56:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man that ending felt so good to read. Awesome story man.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:39:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
then goddamn karma is gonna be good to you
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:38:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope so, lol.
Tofabyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I WANT to believe!!!
but really can't.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's okay. You can believe what you want, and I can understand why It's not very believable.
ZoomJet ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:05:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually extremely believable, if you go to homeless shelters and hear people's stories. Stuff like this happens a lot more than it should (which really, is not at all).
Tofabyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:56:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am not saying that this isn't believeable.
I've just noticed that there are more trolls on the internet than good people. Without going through his post history this is a 50/50 call. At best.
SerendipitousWaste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey was this guy's name Nick?! In London?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:00:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, his name is Rob, In Indianapolis.
SerendipitousWaste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, I did something very similar with a man in London, my mistake :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No need to apologize. You did a
goodgreat thing for Nick, from London.gonewiththewind2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:09:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe I missed this but what happened to his job? If she got a hefty amount of his money, I would assume it was a sizeable amount worthy of mention, however I can only assume he earned the money by working given the details provided. Generally, people with hefty sums of money can afford good lawyers to avoid this situation. Also it seems like this guy you describe would have an impressive resume for the job he got.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The whole subject is a little bit touchy, but I can ask him, If you like.
gonewiththewind2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Only if others want to know. It could be just me missing something!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
True. I'll get on that.
JasonDJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did he say "her name was Nicole or something", or is that you forgetting her name? Because if he had told you "her name was Nicole, or something" then he probably wasn't that great of a husband.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, I don't quite remember the name. I'll have to ask him again some time.
Alexrock88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am so stealing this
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Go ahead, haha. I use it all the time!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, a lot of the time, karma doesn't get you till the long run. Just make sure to tell them to keep at it, and that things get better.
Whiteout- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin' Nicole.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Right? Such a cunt.
KingOCarrotFlowers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:06 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is something that I'm going to have to keep in my "wise things to say when the moment is right" reservoir.
ErlendJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Seriously, human trash like that bitch don't deserve to enjoy the beauty of life. She got what she fucking deserved.
I'm not mad, but getting downvoted for expressing my anger towards a woman cruel enough to mentally abuse her husband, and then throw him on the streets after stealing everything she could, that makes me wonder a bit about some people here.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:52:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As much of a bitch as she was, I'm not surprised. But I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.
michael11009 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:51:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ill just leave this here.
negramodelo1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:04:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wooah
Laggosaurus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:13:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds too good to be true. Or you just made up some parts of the story
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a true story, I just left out the part where he almost lost his apartment because he spent too much money on cigarettes. But, he still came through, and I respect him even more for it.
Laggosaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well regardless if you speak the truth or not, this could be the script for an awesome movie.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go see that movie.
jaybee07 ยท 624 points ยท Posted at 06:50:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You gave a man his LIFE back with $250. That's amazing.
Chewchoo ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 09:05:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and a place to stay and a job. So probably a lot more than $250.
serpnt ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 09:08:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shhh. Just feel
dispatch134711 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:25:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
only feels now.
Scientifichuck ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:30:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He gave a dog it's life back with $250. He gave a man his life back with nothing but calling in a favor from a friend. So many of us can help each other so easily sometimes. Uplifting story of my day.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:12:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He actually got his life back with something like 252$ and help from what i imagine is a good friend.
TheoHooke ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:26:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
250 dollars, a phone call, a new shirt, a place to stay and some sound advice. You the man!
feynmanwithtwosticks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:01:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And the take away from this story is that a lot of homeless people are a couple hundred bucks and a good deed or two from being self sufficient, and conversely many of the people you know who appear to have their shit together are just a string of bad luck away from being homeless.
I know personally if I didn't have a couple of amazing friends and parents willing to help me out I would have been homeless on a number of occasions.
It's always better to take the risk and bet on people. If you get burned you're out a bit of cash, but if not then you can literally save a persons life. Rob will remember this guy his entire life, will likely tell his kids about the random stranger that took a chance and changed everything. Even if you get burned a hundred times, that kind of outcome is worth every cent.
TL/DR: Always choose to bet on the goodness of people no matter how many times you get burned.
puppyciao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that's a damn cheap vet!
mauimixed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, with a job and a place to stay as well, not just 250$
bassHERinstincts ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 07:41:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why you didn't get more votes on this because this is something very inspirational. There is a young man who stands on the corner of the freeway exit I take to get to work and every time i see him I want to give him something but i never have anything useful, but you have inspired me to change that the next time I see him. Thanks Reddit stranger!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:23:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, man, Thank you, for even thinking about giving that man something. Most people don't even think about it.
bassHERinstincts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:31 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Basic morals have certainly begun to dwindle in society, it is important to help those who don't have the ability to help themselves :) keep on doin it
PlayMp1 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:13:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are a better person than me. You have done a service to society.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm not better than anybody. I just did something that most wouldn't.
Ubergeeek ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:43:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to give money to homeless guys, until I was sat on my local bar. Posting out of the window to see one of the local homeless guys go down a side street with his dealer, pull out a I've handful of change and buy drugs.
I've talked frankly with another homeless guy who openly admitted that he would spend my change on beer.
xPofsx ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:29:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whats a homeless man to do with $10 other than buy drugs or food. Cant buy a house or new clothes.
uberduger ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:39:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly think that if you really tried, you could get off the streets if you got given $10 a day for a month or two.
I know that sounds a bit 'I don't understand the hardships' but in the UK or US, if you are lucky enough to be in a city with a soup kitchen and a bit of space in a homeless shelter, I sincerely believe that you could save some cash until you had enough to buy some clean clothes and then set up a stall to wash cars in a public car park or something.
EDIT: I understand that this would likely not be possible in many places in the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:30:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, for a while, I was really scared that my money was going to suffer the fate of buying drugs or something, but everything turned out okay.
p0yo77 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:30:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You deserve a chorus of kids singing "He's Awesome" with an angelical voice everytime a girl (or boy) passes by you
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:19:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That would definitely help relationship matters, lol.
The_Nipple_Tickler ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:34:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, that's the most humble TL;DR I've ever seen. What a beautiful story. It made me happy.
Math_Nerd_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:39:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This whole time while I was reading the story I kept thinking to myself "he's going to say something about a Loch Ness monster owing him tree fiddy by the end of this story". I must say that I was pleasantly surprised.
serpnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I scrolled to the bottom and saw a tl;dr. I knew I was in safe hands and continued
Spiral16 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:58:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's one of the most heartwarming, beautiful stories I've ever read. Thank you!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:10:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for recognizing it, man/woman. I'm glad to have helped him!
Theloveburrito ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:01:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you both named Rob?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, My name's Jayden.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:48:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing, you really helped Rob and his dog. Thanks for sharing!
justina ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:13:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How's the dog doing?
fungalduck ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:09:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And more importantly... What kind of dog?
Loradora ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:26:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bought a homeless guy a mcdonalds the other night (it was like 2.30am and nowhere else was open) and he fed it to his dog :( I bought him another meal and a coffee but the dog thing nearly made me bawl.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:29:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, good on you for buying him a meal, man/woman. And good on him for thinking of his dog.
fungalduck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:38:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aw that's just nice as fuck.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:27:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The dog was this really cute Irish Setter. Rob even let me rename him. I named him Jude.
fungalduck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:28:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Jude?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't make it bad?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dog's doing great! I checked in on them a while back and Rob let me rename him.
kevinkat2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:30:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You gave someone his life back, that is without a doubt the best story i've ever heard.
TheElitist921 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:35:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So much feels. My father used to be a director of a homeless shelter for years, and it's amazing to see the gratitude from the ones who really want to live better lives.
zmatrix ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:54:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope this is at the top of the comments when a wake up. What a great story man. You're good people.
captainpotatoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:10:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your story needs more upvotes!
Kass1207 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:34:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. You are one amazing person. You gave someone a chance, a real chance, to get back on their feet. And you were only a kid.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I still am a kid, I guess. I'm still a senior in high school.
Lashes_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:34:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in love with you for saving that poor dog and that man's life.
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:23:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I like this story.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you!.
Jonny_Osbock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wish everbody was like you!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, friend!
Jonny_Osbock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are so welcome :)
SquirrelFood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This deserves more upvotes
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Today you, tomorrow me.
Ch4zu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:49:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, major props. You turned a damn life around.
deadleg22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing! No way that $250 would have gone further if you had donated it to charity, although your help was just priceless.
Ashinron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or maybe /robawt is telling his story from guys who helped him mouth...
This Rob - robawt coincidence...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, My name's Jayden.
jspace10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I had the money to gold you three times.
DaintyDoxie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You rock! Thanks for being an awesome person. Seems like you have great instincts. How could you tell he was going to do right by you (and not take the money and run)? Pure gut feeling?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was just kind of a gut feeling. The lack of a sign, No change jar, the man just seemed like a legit person.
yeamonn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Canadian?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:56:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, No. But I know someone who is.
PointOfStatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This made me tear up.
I want to give you the biggest of fist bumps. You rule, bro.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who has spent time living on the streets, thank you for being a good person. I'm so glad the the person you helped wasn't just a scam artist. There are way too many of those on the streets.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:56:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, Congrats for getting off the streets! and Thank you, I'm glad he wasn't a scam artist too.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One of the last true heroes on earth. Man, your karma level is high as duck right now! Im wondering, how is the dog doing?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The dog's doing great! he got fixed up, and got the stitches out like two months ago. He'll be off the antibiotics soon as well. Rob even let me rename him. I named him Jude.
NieedHelp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Faith in fucking humanity Restored. i am proud of people like you sir!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:28:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think I could feel so much while shitting.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HAHAHA! That was amazing.
Joshmckim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:31:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're a fantastic person.
Baeocystin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:31:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, I'll bite. Why two sticks of deodorant at all times?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:16:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One is unscented. When you're doing PT in a field with a bunch of other guys who enlisted with you, they really appreciate two things: you working hard with them, and using non-musk deodorant.
lubbers24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:31:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I admire you man. Well done.
TasteyFreeze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:35:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This made me break down in tears. I wish I could do something like this
Timotheusss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:47:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're a good man.
limitedvocabularyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
the feels
072998 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:51:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Set up an AMA with you and Rob?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I can try. I'll talk to him and see when he's free to do that.
froggienet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:53:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You Sir deserve a beer
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, But I still have 3 years until I can drink.
Herbavore716 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Best flat screen tv ever.
mizone10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:56:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The world needs more people like you man.
mischiefAUS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're a good person.
iSeaUM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:11:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that is so awesome of you man. You gave up 250 dollars and some of your time and completely changed that man's life. What an amazing story.
lejade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing!
Ubbermann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:21:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to believe this was true.
It would really show the good in people :)
la03 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You sir, you give me hope that there are still good people on this shitty planet full of shitty people.
AItarboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone else said it, but who cares, you deserve the appreciation my man. You are a legend!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are a saint. If we had more people like you the world would be such a better place, I bet 50% of the people who read your story wouldn't have done the same, even if they could(including myself). What oyu just wrote really made me think. Thanks
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, thank you, for taking the time to read my post. Anything you can do to help a homeless person could be like winning the emotional lottery to you, and the regular lottery for them.
visualmagic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:37:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
More people should be like you. I'll try harder to go that extra mile in future. You're a good person.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! And just remember, to someone who's got no money, ten bucks can be like a million dollars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Second comment down and I'm done, you win...
GalacticElephants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow reading this made my perception of humanity a bit more brighter. People like you are the reason aliens will talk to us.
idea-man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll feel awful if I'm wrong here, but I just don't believe this. The helpless dog, the complete turnaround of the homeless man's life, the follow-up post about how this is all the fault of some evil ex-wife who wound up getting hers--all of it sounds like fiction, where events are selected specifically to make people feel a certain way. I hope the story is true, and that I'm just a cynical asshole, but my current bullshit formula of "excessively satisfying anecdote + internet" has done right by me so far.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know, It's hard to believe, and I can understand that. I did kind of leave out the part where he almost lost his apartment because he spent too much on cigarettes, but he's been cigarette clean for over two months.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So... Did you buy the tv after that?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I waited, and bought a better TV last week! This story ends well for everyone.
HypotheticalCow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:57:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did he pay you back?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:46:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He tried to, but I wouldn't let him. He left it in the key rock to my house.
digydigdogdead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please forgive my extremely vain question but did you ever get that flatscreen?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did not. I waited until last week, and got a BETTER TV!
letnanjustincola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Heaven have special place for people like you
Makaveli777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Racks on racks of karma.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You sir deserves a nobel prize.
morantau ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
great TL;DR. This applies to literally every human on earth... really nice thing you did though.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:45:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't. I waited until last week, and got a BETTER tv!
Charlie24601 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are the fucking MAN.
scorcher117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
C'mon what kinda TL:DR is that, you have give some info
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I like to keep it vague.
acjrking21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God bless you man, I fucking love you!
squeak21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow you really are an amazing person :)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:59:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, I try my hardest.
Jetz21 ยท 2170 points ยท Posted at 02:29:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, about a year ago(?), my friends and I went to go see the second Insidious. It was just us 4 guys and we took up the whole row, and since it was the opening night, the entire theater got filled. Climax of the movie, the lights go on and everyone groans. Usher comes down and grabs our rows and pulls us out. We were wondering why, we weren't particularly loud. He explains, "We had a complaint that you, a boy with green hair," points at me, "was fingering his girlfriend in the theater." I look at my friends, "Uh, no?"
Turns out, the was ANOTHER boy with green hair. Fingering his girlfriend.
[deleted] ยท 1436 points ยท Posted at 03:41:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I read that as the musicians Usher.
schplastic ยท 193 points ยท Posted at 06:35:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Especially because it was at the "climax"
SirManguydude ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 07:05:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Up in the theater with my homies, tryna get a lil' V-I, but keep it down on the low key, 'cause you know how it is. I saw shorty she was checkin' up on me, from the game she was spittin' in my ear you would think that she knew me. So we decided to finger bang.
(Lil' Jon) YEAH!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, she was heavy. And her titties sagged down to the floor.
aprofondir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bet it would've sagged longer if we opened the door
SomeoneUkno ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:09:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too.
pjt37 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:41:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
People always underrate articles until misunderstandings like this happen.
masturbatingmonkeys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:49:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Should've come out singing "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" and high fived the dude
monstercake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So did I, got super confused until I reread it a couple more times. Might be a sign that I should go to bed.
kumarsays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's too late, we've reached a climax, climax
Tetley66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are not alone, my friend!
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly, I was like holy shit usher
KneeDeepInTheDead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"i just wanna know, if youre fingering, your girl in this row"
stafekrieger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same. I was like.....what? Why would Usher stop the movie and turn his music on. That's weird. Haha
Kheran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
English is not my native language. Only upon reading your comment did I realize this was not about Usher the musician. Then I looked up the word 'usher' and realized it means what it does. TIL, thanks!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, am usher.
aprofondir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, it wasn't?
chunkymonkey007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:21 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY CRAP USHER IS HERE EVERYBODY BE COOL
commandercream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:34 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โซ going nowhere fast we've reached the climax โซ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He capitalized climax so I thought it was has something to do with ushers song
_vargas_ ยท 2426 points ยท Posted at 03:37:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If the girl had only been on her period, they would have caught the guy red-handed.
iamRYANGOSLINGama ยท 931 points ยท Posted at 04:15:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(โ๏พโ๏พ)โ
ProfessorNeato ยท 168 points ยท Posted at 06:00:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โ(๏พโ๏พโ)
Oceanic_815_Survivor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:13:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(โฏยฐโกยฐ๏ผโฏ๏ธต โปโโป
Tomimi ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:11:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โฌโโฌใ( - _ -ใ)
TH3C4NN4BL3C0W ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:38:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(ใเฒ โฉเฒ )ใๅฝก( \oยฐo)\
Oceanic_815_Survivor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:31:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(โฏเฒ _เฒ ๏ผโฏ๏ธต โปโโป
zpg_lol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:22 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
flip the fucking table!
TheAtheistSavior ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:08:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(โ๏พโ๏พ)โ, '
MasterMasturBater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is awesome how do you do it?
Cripple_Swag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Ryan Gosling?
Makaveli777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OMG RYAN GOSLING ! YOU ARE SO DREAMY.
thoma5nator ยท 692 points ยท Posted at 03:50:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
... oh vargas
xbunnny ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 05:11:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Be vargas - get a lot of karma
Comment on vargas referencing vargas - get a lot of karma
Comment on someone referencing vargas below vargas - get reddit gold
fergious ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 06:05:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
4. Tell /u/xbunnny he failed - Laugh
8bit64 ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 09:22:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
5. Give /u/xbunnny gold to spite other guy
fergious ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 09:27:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
6. Tell /u/8bit64 to go fuck himself
5th_century_fox ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:22:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Chill the fuck out o__o
secretlyapineapple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:10:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try
ttothemoonn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm on mobile and I can't tell if you have gold... The suspense is killing me!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:23:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not yet
hazier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
so.... tempting...
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:10:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
B.L.U.N.T. = better luck u (fucking loser) next time.
Cheifer176 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:14:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I could see this an an old comedy show, /u/_vargas_ being the main character and making cheesy jokes then the narrator (/u/thoma5nator) shaking his head and smiling ".. Ohhh Vargas"
thoma5nator ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:48:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I tried... http://vocaroo.com/i/s0YxR1PODPXs
Cheifer176 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:09:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
YESSS!!!! Now ill be looking for this after every silly joke /u/_vargas_ makes, you sir just made my day!
EDIT: Missed a letter, thanks Tootsiesclaw
Tootsiesclaw ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:19:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/u/_vargas_
FTFY
Cheifer176 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:25:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fixed it thanks :)
Bolmung_LK ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, I've heard of Vargas before, but I just now decided to click his name to visit his comments. I literally got a warning message saying something about "woah bro, don't go here" and how horrible the content will be.
Then there's a red line through his URL. What is this man/beast/god/demon you call Vargas? Just what did he do for the internet to go "alright, just halt right there, are you sure you want to go here? I mean it's pretty fuckin' bad in there...".
Not even porn sites or that one best gore shit does this to me!
Retarded_Artist ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 04:05:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I guess Usher was making sure he got custody of the kids.
Edit: I'm the only one who made an actual joke to this, I should stick to complimenting Vargas
salty_john ยท 277 points ยท Posted at 04:12:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God dammit, Vargas
KY-Wing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:20:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you and your comment salty_john
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:45:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was a funny comment until I saw your old, loose vagina worn out reply. Seriously, WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS SAME REPLY GET UPVOTED EVERY TIME!!!
timeforpajamas ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 05:59:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
fucking vargas
Mwg9 ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 03:56:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Vargas is at it again
punkcreeper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:22:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I too would like to suck his dick.
Spuddtr00per ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:40:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would even pay $300.
thorium220 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if Reddit will ever realise that meta is bad for its health?
UndeadBread ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:54:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/tweetsfromgrandma
Bacon_Jam ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:00:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, vargas you and your puns.
idfkthrowaway ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:02:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God damnit.
wastegem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:33:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, you..
boop_vargas_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:55:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Boop!
BackwardsMarathon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:27:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Eww
Preponderancy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:50:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If the guy has an itchy scalp, I bet he has a green thumb
ItsComrade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:17:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God dammit vargas.
Byerlyduck1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:22:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Das nastay
YddishMcSquidish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's Christmas time, in the city.
ajmostek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:33:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Carloosss
MBP402 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin' vargas
stigmaboy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:24:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Almost gilded you, then realised it was you.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:14:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I hate to repeat the most common thing in your inbox...
But god damn it _vargas_.
ragestar23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:58:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, get ready to be bombarded with the "Damn it, vargas."
The_Magic_Toaster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:09:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...
Reamees ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:37:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
gd, V.
Th3NXTGEN ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:50:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You have an admirer, /u/_vargas_
LetsHaveAwkwardSex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Classic Vargas
techmeister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I fuckin' love ya, Vargas.
tinker_tailor17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking Vargas.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:49:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Goddammit Vargas
bac0467 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Vargas strikes again
morbidmammoth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Vargas....how much karma would you say you get per a comment? And do you expect to get Karma?
The_Whole_World ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
MOTHERFUCKER
You really just can't stop can you
SomeoneUkno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn it, Vargas!
MLGxBanana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God damnit vargas
platinumtesticles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Classic vargas.
ShamefulIAm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have you tagged as the Jokester of Reddit for a reason and goddamnit Vargas, you surpassed it. Now Destroyer of Reddit.
Murseturkleton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh Vargas you kharmachamaleon you. Dammit Vargas!
Siridar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't me...
Philip_the_Great ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit vargas
seegszee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking Vargas
Wildelocke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
vargas go back to bed.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not up to your usual comment standards. Trouble at home?
_vargas_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:19:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I just realized I wasted ten hours of my life watching the second season of the show Vikings. What was I thinking?
CerpinTaxt11 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:24:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did this happen in Movies@swords?? I was there!
Xronize ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:11:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Op pls.
MattxAus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:17:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So the usher wasn't blind, just unable to distinguish between genders?
fountainsoda ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:33:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Green hair? GREEN HAIR?
titobandito32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:45:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well at least they let it get to the climax before pulling out
Ass_Reamer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:14:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was he trying to match her climax with the movie's?
NotSoSlenderMan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:45:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So they pull all of you out of the theater?
matt200717 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:15:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, nothing says fingerbanging material like Insidious 2.
KingVEiDz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:43:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder what urged them to perform sexual activities during a movie of that nature. some people..
homara ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:19:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do they watch out for that, or has to be reported by another moviegoer?
fuckyeahpeace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:58:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
woah can i see your hair
im wondering how one would pull it off
SerLaidaLot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:11:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Screw the rules! You have green hair!
TheRiskyBiscuit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:42:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ehehe
TheKinglyGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad they confused you with me... I mean um that dastardly green haired guy.
Kingdomheartsfan891 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Insidious 2 just came out this year didn't it?
SirManguydude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At least someone was climaxing at that point.
YesWhatHello ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
not like the movie had a good climax anyways
A_favorite_rug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, what are the odds
BouncingBuddha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i thought you were talking about Usher the singer...
ArchangelleNiggatron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
SCREW THE RULES I HAVE GREEN HAIR
BalboaBaggins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How did 4 people take up the whole row if the theater was filled?
Deucy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:07 on May 16, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think the biggest problem with this story is that you have green hair.
ferociouspeanut ยท 4078 points ยท Posted at 03:00:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Finally a chance to post this!
At my local video rental shop, there is a gumball machine with maybe five or six different coloured gumball types. Sticky-taped to the delicious glass gumball globe is a sign that reads: GUESS THE COLOUR THAT COMES OUT OF THE GUMBALL MACHINE AND WIN A FREE WEEKLY RENTAL VOUCHER! 20c. With those odds, they were just asking to be exploited.
So, 12 year old me devised a devious plan. I went to some of the shops across the road and traded 15 dollars for a colossal fuckton of 20c coins. (just did the math, about 75 twenty cent pieces) When the employee lady saw me scuffling into the store with my shirt stomach filled with silver coins, MAN was she pissed. This may have been because she now had to spot my 75 guesses. I have no idea why she didn't just kick me out then and there.
In short, the next 20 minutes consisted of the shop lady watching me individually slot each coin into the machine. She had a pile of vouchers in hand, dishing one out onto the rapidly growing pile every few guesses. I wasn't a dick about it, I paused my gumball endeavour if another customer was there, but she breathed a sigh of relief when I put the 75th gumball in my backpack. In total, I pocketed 18 vouchers ($126 total value) for 15 dollars.
I took my fat stack of vouchers, shoved them in my pocket, and with my candy-filled backpack, I ran home. I'll never forget the sound of 75 gumballs shaking around on my back, it was the sound of an afternoon of accomplishment.
TL;DR: When I was 12, I single-handedly took down video rental stores
Edit: Well this just exploded, and I have more information to tell you. I found that red came out a little more often, so guessing red every time after that stepped up the win rates.
Edit 2: obligatory thanks for the gold, it's awesome. And so this edit isn't useless, so many people have asked where 20c coins exist, and I can confirm by looking at the kangaroos out my window that I live in Australia.
Arthur_Curry ยท 1491 points ยท Posted at 04:16:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You then need to sell gum balls at school for a 50% mark-up.
jondthompson ยท 947 points ยท Posted at 04:40:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and rental vouchers for just under full price.
249ba36000029bbe9749 ยท 1061 points ยท Posted at 04:47:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Then go back to the store with the money and buy more gumballs.
coheir ยท 963 points ยท Posted at 05:07:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, we have a solid business plan.
KingGumboot ยท 483 points ยท Posted at 05:36:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now we just need a time machine
NerdOctopus ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 07:55:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At least the hard part is dealt with.
coupdetaco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:15:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and an outdated business model based on outdated technology
KingGumboot ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:15:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's what the time machine is for...
JollyTall ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:55:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
KingGumboot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:58:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think we need both
mavvv ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:24:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm calculating profits in the billions.
Tom38 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:20:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesse we need to cook.
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 05:51:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1 step 2 step 3 yadda yadda yadda dick stuck in the DVD player
Cynepkokc ยท 185 points ยท Posted at 05:18:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ladies and gentlemen, Capitalism
theholyllama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Arbitrage. In an ideal capitalist economy, this wouldn't take place.
060789 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 05:18:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The American dream.
MrsWolowitz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Australian dream
GrandmasDiapers ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:08:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You can put the kids through college with that ingenuity
respectfulasshole ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:55:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yay for arbitrage!
Coltand ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:19:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And repeat for infinite monies.
globulesundpus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:33:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, eventually that market crashes. See above!
liqour_buddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and we have meta
Forn_Orald_Bombadli ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:47:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Engage meta in 3.2.1
ATR_Doug ยท 3191 points ยท Posted at 04:19:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And people blame netflix for video rental shops going out of business.
thrn ยท 1149 points ยท Posted at 04:34:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, thanks ferociouspeanut!
Retarded_Artist ยท 1757 points ยท Posted at 04:38:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist, he's CEO of Netflix
HOWDITGETBURNEDHOWDI ยท 2137 points ยท Posted at 04:58:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Netflix's logo is red because of this gumball experience
Secres ยท 981 points ยท Posted at 05:08:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Woah
jmac217 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 05:47:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/woahdude
xxxni ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:32:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You motherfuckers are philosophers of history
Secres ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:50:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well I don't like to brag...
SomeNiceButtfucking ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:40:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And I don't like to boast.
But I'm intercontinental when I eat French toast.
Secres ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:47:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn.
white_ninja_fap ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:29:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/conspiritard
Princess_Sloth ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:21:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
480 upvotes for one italicized word.
Not bad...
EDIT: 1102 upvotes. Dang
Secres ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:03:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was quite surprised myself.
coupdetaco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:13:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sudden clarity
Gr33nman460 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:34:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY Woah
ipaqmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damnn
F1r3_h4z4rd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:26:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TIL
DFTBA32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:22:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Conspiracy? I think not.
pollorojo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:05:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: it was an adult video store.
From this experience he decided that guessing gumball colors shouldn't be the only way to get free porn.
It was that very day that the idea of RedTube was born.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:20:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How'd it get burned?
Redrum88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You just blew my mind.
mshab356 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Meta as fuck.
stupidandroid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Later on his deathbed, ferociouspeanut gasps "reeedddd" as his hand falls down, dropping a small red gumball on the floor.
MetaDefault ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Directed by M Knight Shamalamading-dong.
CraftOrBeCrafted ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:47:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/showerthoughts
infamousdoubedragon ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I was about to post this! Have an upvote
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:31:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't it just as likely be any other color? It's not like gumballs are only red.
ALittleFly ยท 337 points ยท Posted at 05:03:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, after banking on those red gumballs, he came up with Redbox.
afkgg ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:27:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: redbox and Netflix CEO are the same person
Cross-swimmer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:39:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But netflix and redbox are both red
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Focus groups didn't like the original name of Red Balls so they changed it.
refriend_burrtito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:39 on May 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What about.. Redtube?
buzzkillkumo ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 05:36:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol hehe "redbox" bad thoughts....
3vans ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 04:44:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And the woman is CEO of Hulu
KargoShorts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And that's why there's a Hulu across the street from every Netflix.
milanbourbeck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:56:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! I know you!
3vans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dammit i didnt say you could leave
milanbourbeck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Neither did /u/munstacatmedya or i.
yonoober ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wow hi guys
didn't know you got unbound from /r/monstercat
milanbourbeck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I..uhmm.. Didnt... We just have a nice mc meeting here
yonoober ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty cool
I'm going back now see ya there
milanbourbeck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
C u
yonoober ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
m
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:09:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
why dont you just shorten your name to "retardist"?
sharklops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Chris Hardwick has that trademarked
TheRetardist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was probably already taken.
GoSkers29 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:10:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So this gumball incident eventually led to Orange is the New Black?
I'm ok with this.
ilikethemaymays ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:13:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, Redbox.
Hence the "red" in the name in honor of the red gumballs.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Further plot twist: he's Obama
Broncotruck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And the woman was Michelle Obama. It's the story of how they first met!
Secres ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:11:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Then one of them is definitely lying about their age.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:29:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I guess the plot twist here is that the obamas ever held a real job and actually worked for anything they have?
fryartuc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes because growing up with a single mother and putting yourself through law school is so easy.
weswes887 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:39:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Harvard gives away alot of scholarships
fryartuc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Oh yeah I forgot that Harvard just hands out scholarships and advanced degrees. What was I thinking.
"Hey you guys, Harvard is handing out free rides, grab your food stamps, we are going to Massachusetts!"
Edit: formatting.
TheXenocide314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That would be a young CEO
Optimistic-faggots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I kinda doubt that is true. You might even say the odds of that are The odds of that are gum ballz
toss-offer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Netflix sends their regards.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Like you actually miss them.
dormedas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, Obama!
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:51:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
126 / 18 = $7 per rental. That's why video rental shops went out of business.
tank5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's a dollar a day, less than Redbox which is still quite in business.
jbondyoda ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:11:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Learn this one simple trick to destroy the video industry.
ferociouspeanut ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:15:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Blockbuster ladies HATE him!
chefboiardee24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Video rental shops hate him!
Chezler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bahaha!
DogBoneSalesman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not me. I've always blamed Ferociouspeanut for Blockbusters downfall.
Confused_Erection ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ruthless businessman.
[deleted] ยท 863 points ยท Posted at 03:57:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Going to Blockbuster on a Friday or Saturday night was so awesome growing up. They used to rent gaming systems in my town. I rented Virtua Boy and played Mario Tennis for about 10 minutes before I figured out it was terrible.
rattlemebones ยท 459 points ยท Posted at 04:31:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I rented an NES in the late 80s... They required a $450 deposit.
acloudbuster ยท 443 points ยท Posted at 04:39:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, those deposits always sucked (or prevented me from being able to rent it). Luckily, my pops knew a local video store owner and that guy always hooked it up on the console rental (until we finally got our own NES). Then, the video store guy hooked up the rentals. Two for one, always droppin' late fees. He'd even let me bring games back the same night and trade them out if they sucked. That dude ruled.
massive_cock ยท 685 points ยท Posted at 05:08:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I rented The Legend of Zelda a million times. Finally at Christmas the old couple who owned the shop gave me the store's copy as a gift and ordered a new one to rent out. They ruled.
RedNeko ยท 437 points ยท Posted at 05:32:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They just wanted to give other customers a chance to rent it.
"Hey where's Legend of Zelda?"
"Massive_cock has it out again!"
beardlessdick ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 06:08:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Gosh darnit. I hate massive_cock."
3asin3speech ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:42:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not everyone does...
SomeNiceButtfucking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:41:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Right here.
Little dicks just don't go around the corner.
Bwazo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:42:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Speak for yourself ;)
someguyidunno ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 07:05:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think anyone would question him if the Owners would say Massive Cock has it.
Ass-assin ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:33:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That last line sounds really weird out of context.
ciny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:57:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
mandatory /r/nocontext plug
k-uke ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:07:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"But he's always got it out. Can't you do anything about it??"
Smuggers ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:23:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If I had a massive_cock I'd have it out all the time.
duke78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:36 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, am massive. Am out all the time.
DSquariusGreeneJR ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:43:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Classic Massive_cock
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:37:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, he has it out does he?
Luciferyourgod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would hope they didn't have Massive_Cock out again
Snatcharelli ยท 568 points ยท Posted at 05:25:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hy Ruled.
Mundology ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:03:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Here we could trade our finished games for about 10$ at Maxime's for a new one. When the PS3 and X-Box 360 were just launched, the games were really expensive and hence you would save a lot by doing this.
weswes887 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:41:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What's a hame
lookatthisthrowaway3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:48:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
golf clap
jsake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
bazing!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:49:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
massive_cock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is pretty rad!
Aqualung69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:20:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hell yea! Good people!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:13:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Odd story but we used to have a video store a few blocks from my house growing up, my buddy, brother and I loved secret of mana on snes. We would rent that shit like all the time.
And were like the only ones who ever would.
Anyways when we got enough money to buy it, no stores were selling it, and this was like before ebay and stuff, so yeah, it was a big deal.
The rest is a little foggy but we bought that fucking game, from that store, with the tattered ass box, half missing game manual, and used to shit cartridge.
We played the fuck out of that game, to the point our snes and game would get so hot we had the idea of throwing it in the freezer to cool it off.
We got some pretty weird lockups and freezes after that, but man, we played that shit for like 24 hours straight.
My buddy was the hero guy and he always used the sword, my brother was the sprite and used the fists mostly, and I was the youngest so I played the girl bitch who heals everyone, and I always had to use the fucking axe and whip to break paths open or whip us from place to place...
Mother fuckers...
oddwaller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thats pretty awesome but all you had to do was not rent it for two weeks and you could've bought it. I miss childhood logic.
massive_cock ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:10:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My rentals were $2 for Fri-Sun and I didn't get to pick it up every weekend. But that was in fact the old man's reasoning for the gift - I'd paid enough in rental fees over the summer and fall to buy a copy, so he gave me a copy. I learned the concept of giving someone what's right, what they've earned and paid for, even when I don't have to, from he and his wife that day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is awesome
amiwarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You probably caused too much wear and tear on the disk. Yes that is a discount reason on our computer system.
stealmyrecords ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I rented Chrono Trigger a similar number of times but I didn't get a copy or anything. The punkass kid who ran the store was like "why don't you just buy a copy?" and I was like "I don't have enough money" and he was like "that's because you spend all your money on Magic cards at the bookstore across the street." and I was like "oh. yeah."
mybustersword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:27:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The joy of renting the game cartridge weeks later and seeing your save on it.... ownership
myrealnamewastakn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:06:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I rented earthbound 7 times in a row and then asked the manager if they would sell it to me. She told me, "that game never stays in the shelf. I can't sell it" :( so I bought it from toy r us
Raider519 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your parents should have just bought it for you after the initial rent, but that was nice of the store owners.
massive_cock ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:50:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was raised by a single mom, a waitress, and we survived on tips. She refused to apply for welfare or sue my father for child support. She worked 3 jobs instead. $2 to rent a game for the weekend was some change from the coffee can. $60 to buy a game was a month's electric bill. I know you weren't trying to be any particular sort of way, but I grit my teeth and wanted to choke the fuck out of you for saying my parents should have done anything, let alone spend a month's utilities on buying me a game. We were so poor I felt guilty and turned down candy bars. We were so poor my paper route when I was 12 actually made a difference in our financial stability.
Fuck, we were so poor we didn't even own a TV when grandma sent our NES ahead of Christmas. Mom had to scramble and use the rent money to get one so I wouldn't be heartbroken waking up Christmas morning to a Nintendo I couldn't play.
The third game I ever owned (the first being SMB, second LoZ) I bought with my scrounged and saved birthday and Christmas money - Final Fantasy, $57 at Walmart, and even that had to wait an extra few weeks since mom needed to borrow the money I'd saved up.
ILLIODIC ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:55:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, how you sitting now? Seems like you've been through some shit that no child should have to go through. You gotta respect your mom for what she did though. She was on the grind for you and that shows that she truly loves you from the bottom of her heart. Kind of funny considering it's Mother's Day. Do you game on pc? Ill throw something your way if you're on steam.
massive_cock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Lots had it worse. We missed meals, but we always had a roof and usually lights and water. I'm pretty alright these days, it's been half a lifetime since I threw some things in my backpack and walked out at 16, not returning til I was 33 and she needed me.
Not to whine on about things but I have such a tough relationship with my mom. I want to hate her and shut her out for stealing my $10k settlement at 16, or for milking me for a year's rent, utils, car payments, etc, last year, leaving me homeless, carless, and jobless, starting from scratch, due to her little scam, but it's hard to hate a woman who skipped meals to make sure I ate, as a child. I've not yet made up my mind on whether to contact her tomorrow. It hurts. I hate this.
I do game on Steam (my political client gifted me an amazing Alienware M17x R4) but I restrict myself to the summer and holiday sales and try to gift as many as I keep for myself. Your offer is really kind and the selfish part of me doesn't want to say no, justifying it with my past Steam gifting to random redditors, but ... see? See that? Me trying to find a way to politely decline while still leaving the door open... we're all selfish at times, and tonight, I won't be. But thank you, sincerely.
drewisalrightiguess ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:53:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
WHOAH. I never knew they required a deposit. No wonder my parents only let me rent an NES once after I threw a huge fit and then started going to Blockbuster without me.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Blockbuster always let me return games the same night and pick something else if the game was terrible.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great example of why the rental business model died. Most of them became big chains that worked to screw their customers on late fees. The small mom and pop shops didnt operate like them, but then blockbuster and hollywood video come to town and put them out of business. I think the transition to things like netflix and redbox was bound to happen, but i think if the big rental companies didnt suck hardcore they'd still be in business.
McCHitman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:42:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Family Video still requires a deposit for games on new systems. I rented battlefield 4 for the xbox one and it cost $40 deposit and the $3 to rent.
As a kid I think I rented a system once. It came in that awesome briefcase. Those were the days
[deleted] ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 04:37:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I remember my parents putting a large amount on the Virtua Boy. I remembet it came in some huge ass brief case. I felt like such a baller walking out of there thinking how many people would be jealous that I would soon be experiencing the most life like virtual reality known to man.
Instead I just got a headache and ended up playing Arkanoid on NES.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:09:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
orokro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:42:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's called "Virtual Boy", with an L, BTW. You might be thinking of Virtua Cop or other Sega games in the Virtua series.
You made this mistake multiple times in this thread. Unforgivable!
Razoride ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:56:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember needing a large deposit on the ps1 but I can't remember how much. I want to say around 200 but I can't be sure anymore.
temalyen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:29:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to rent Sega Saturns. I'm not sure why, but I used to a lot. I guess I really liked Virtua Fighter 2. But yeah, I always put the deposit on my parent's credit card and hoped they didn't notice.
I rented the Virtual Boy too, by the way. It was awful, i took it back the next day, but forgot the manual at home. When they asked me, I swore I never got one because it would have been a hassle ot make another trip to bring it back. I think I still have the manual somewhere.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In the 80's?
kingwan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you might as well just buy a NES.
13104598210 ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 04:28:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You want to know how old I am? I first played Final Fantasy II when I rented it from Phar-mor.
fatlace ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 05:12:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did it come with a dinosaur survival pack?
JakeFromStateFarm0 ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 04:39:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That has to be the most outdated sentence I've ever read.
sillysidebin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:25:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
foreal. i usually recognize references on reddit but Phar-mor baffles me
freyaschariot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:08:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phar-Mor
I loved PharMor.
kjata ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:25:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's crap like releasing Final Fantasy IV as FFII and VI as III that convinced me--they just didn't give a shit back in those days.
Emused_1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:27:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
You want to know how old I am? I demonstrated Mattel's Intellivision when in high school, there was no electronics depts. in those days, it was usually the photography dept.
Edit: Spelling
greendakota99 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:45:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Phar-mor!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:38:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is pretty old!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yup! Me too!
_Jias_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:38:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
easy there grandpa
Ihateloops ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:48:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Phar-mor was an amazing place to me as a child.
Exodus2011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your Phar-Mor had a rental service? I just went there because they had a great selection of young adult horror and sci-fi books.
ryches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Final fantasy II...that exists? Did they even have electricity back then?
freyaschariot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We used to rent both movies and a vcr back in the mid-80s from Country Fair (convenience store chain). What a pain in the ass.
Tomdaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You make me feel old for knowing what Phar-Mor is.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How many rocks did it cost you?
McCHitman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Phar-Mor was the only place around town that rented Handheld games. We had to go there if we wanted Game Gear or Game Boy Games.
Jackmorgan888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
American FF II or Japanese FF II
shoelessbob ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:42:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude I worked at a blockbuster. Man I miss that job
darkneo86 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:34:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RIP days of system rentals :(. That was awesome
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:35:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Blockbuster was awesome.
Draws-attention ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My local Blockbuster rented out PC games. They also sold blank CD's...
echoawesome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Family Video still does this.
mrtoilet5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:46:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I used to rent the PlayStation one with area 64 and metal gear solid.
Edit: Area 51. I'm an idiot.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:59:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am so old I remember renting the VCR to play the rental videos on!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:05:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, me too. I was right in the middle of tapes and the transition to dvds.
Atomichawk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man sometimes I wonder what growing up in the 80s and 90s must have been like and how different it would be. Since I was born in the mid 90s I do remember going to blockbuster every Friday night since around 2003 until they started closing down stores and ours was closed. I would give anything to travel through time.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:40:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was born in 85 so I'm a true 90's kid. It was fantastic. We had video games but the majority of kids still played outside. I played football in my neighborhood every day. We also didn't have cell phones so you just went home for dinner at a certain time nd then went back out. I f
Atomichawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds so simple, so calming with everything focused on the now and not when you'd get another text.
snacksident ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
in my house we had 3 virtual boys. conveniently for that christmas we also received some shitty video camera that would only plug directly into the TV. our genius minds decided to cheat the system and point the camera into the viewing area on the virtual boys and just play on the TV. pinball and warios woods kicked ass.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:37:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:37:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go and get my Pokemon Snap pictures developed :3
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hated that game!
Fawful55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:25:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember going in the early 2000s. I remember buying Pokemon cards and wacky packages cards, getting my favorite movies and just having a great time with friends
donquexada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man. The day I got to rent Star Fox on our brand new SNES was one of the happiest days of my childhood. Dat FX sound.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Star Fox was cool, especially for N64.
gradual_weeaboo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to go to Blockbuster every single weekend, without fail.
When I was very little, I would also walk into the glass wall instead of the door when trying to leave every time, without fail.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha!
inantarctica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My childhood Friday nights consisted of begging my mom (and sister, once she wad old enough to drive) to take me to blockbuster. They hated doing it because I would spend a good 15 - 20 minutes wandering every aisle multiple times.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was always so hard to pick a movie. I always walked through the horror section just to look at the pictures.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If blockbuster didnt rent virtuaboy, they may have actually sold a unit or two.
illustribox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Emily, the war is over! Let's go rent a video at Blockbuster!"
RedDeadGamer22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That took a while to figure out.
Sephiroth912 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember back when the GBA first came out and they'd rent those out. Made for some great weekends.
FlawedHero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I sadly still own both of those. I bought it with my own money when I was 13(?) and I couldn't afford any games so that was the only one I ever had to play.
I_Think_Alot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Renting a PS2 was like $15 a week at my store; triple that of a regular rental.
scurvebeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're crazy. Virtual Boy Mario Tennis was awesome.
It was just delivered in a really shitty, headache-inducing package.
ihave2shoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was so awesome! We used to rent a Sega Megadrive and Street Fighter. Me and my brother would play until our thumbs were raw.
cpudude30k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember when I was young we would go to the Blockbuster next to our local Albertsons after shopping for groceries. While my parents perused for movies, I would be playing the N64, because at the time I didn't have any video games yet. Just playing Pokemon Stadium 2 was the best.
WhatayaWantFromMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Having Netflix is really cool, but I miss being able to go into BlockBuster and browse around, buy all your extra movie junk (popcorn, candy, drinks).
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I started to defend Mario Tennis 64 before I reread the Virtual Boy part. Some say the screen wasn't actually red, but the tint comes from the blood seeping from your eyes.
Bob_Jonez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I recently went to video store to return a ps3 game I had rented. It was a Friday night, 630p, there was a father with his 8 yo or so daughter,and one woman who looked to be in her mid 40s, otherwise the store was empty. Sad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Where the heck do you live that there are still video stores? It is kind of sad. It was a gteat memory growing up.
Retarded_Artist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They had Virtual Girl awhile back, but people decided to use pornhub instead.
tank5 ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 04:09:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A week later Blockbuster went under.
Null_Reference_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:22:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The kids name? Jonathan Netflix.
JCAPS766 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure Blockbuster operated in the UK
zantichi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
More likely a video-ezy, they're way more common is Australia
Klaytonk ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:28:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you singlehandedly brought down Blockbuster, ya cunt
forumrabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Video Sleazy's still there though and doing pretty well; their boxed PC prices are some of the best out there.
thoma5nator ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 03:54:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is legendary
oswaldcopperpot ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:18:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, where does a 12 year old get 15 dollars? If my mom had found out about it would have gotten "borrowed" immediately. I once had 20 bucks and bought the Full Moon Fever casset and has 9 dollars left over. I had asked for my change all in ones so I had a fat stack. Man that was a glorious day!
... you know what? fuck my parents. both of them.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:43:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
maybe he explained his evil plans and the parents were thinking "kid's doing math by himself, let him do it"
537296qp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:21:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised she didn't say no. That's kind of an over the top exploitation, definitely unfair as far as giving anyone else a chance.
PixelLight ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:42:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda. I mean the odds were stacked against her in the first place. It was just asking to be exploited. 1 in 5 or 6 chance of winning a free weekly rent voucher(worth $7) at 20ยข a pop? All you had to do was keep saying one colour really. In terms of how well he did he was pretty lucky. Probably should have got 15 if it was 1 in 5, he won just under every 1 in 4 times. At 1 in 6 it would cost only $1.20 to win. $5.80 profit. I'm guessing whoever thought up that idea wasn't very mathematically competent.
DontPressAltF4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:34:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There could have been more gumballs, you don't know.
heartshapedpox ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:06:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, come on, it's adorable! I'd let a child exploit me any day....
.................
........................
jtroye32 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:39:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At my local video rental store they just had "winner" written on some of the 25 cent gumballs for a free rental if you got one. It was pretty easy to tell when a winner was coming by looking inside at the ones closest to the dropping mechanism.
votemein ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:41:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It cost you $7 for a weekly rental? Wow
forumrabbit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:59:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Australia. Prices sky-high, wages aren't high enough to compensate.
Movie ticket prices are $18-25 in rural areas and the popcorn + drink are usually $10-15. My cousin bought 3 meals at Gold Class once and it cost him well over $200 for it.
votemein ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:35:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I live in Australia too. When was the last time you rented a movie? When I was a kid (90's) the highest I remember a weekly rental being was $2.50 (was probably '99 - '01 last time I rented something) even overnighters were only $8.95 the last time I remember getting one (Video Ezy).
Those movie prices are comparable to the coast as well. Unless you live in one of the capitals you should be able to find a cheap cinema.
Fringe_AU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just outside of Brisbane, here. Our local blockbuster has new releases for 2-3 dollars these days... Man, times have changed.
ClintonHarvey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Except in Brisbane, directly across the river from the city.
6 bucks for a movie before 5, and 8 bucks after, 1 dollar concessions, and a clean movie theater, it was amazing. Saw so many movies while I was there.
Fringe_AU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brisbane's Cineplex theaters are a godsend. When Victoria Point opened it was the second largest screen in Australia and its still only $6.50 for students and $8.50 for adults.
michael11009 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
judging from the comments, $7 apparently isn't cheep.
video ezy has there weekly rentals set at $20.
votemein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who even rents movies these days?
michael11009 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:54 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no one. this was a few years ago.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ferociouspeanut ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:46:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, but I retired from my life of crime after that because I'm still going through the vouchers slowly, over 3 years later
exlex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So you're 15 or so now?
ferociouspeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A couple of months off being 15. Please don't call me a fourteen year old :(
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:23:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
1/6 chance per gumball attempt, if you get a gumball lets be generous and say she makes a 15c profit. 1/6=0.16666666666
0.16666666666*(price of rental maybe 1$) = 16.6666c lost for every 15c gained. Unless if the voucher is a ploy for other profit that is purely losing money.
DontPressAltF4 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:35:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But she may not own the gumball machine, we simply don't know.
redvsbluegirl86 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If she didn't own the machine, then I would think the company had no right to offer a voucher for a free rental. And if the company supplies those vouchers, the woman wouldn't have a reason to be upset (assuming they reimburse the vouchers).
DontPressAltF4 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:52:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who are you?
redvsbluegirl86 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:58:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work in retail and have had experience with third party vendors offering things like this. My experience was slightly different, but in my tired state of mind, it's still comparable. I'm probably completely wrong, lol.
DontPressAltF4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not a single worry, I was just noting that you were not one of the three people I was replying to, that you were new to the thread.
Your help experience is valid, don't be so quick to write it off.
redvsbluegirl86 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:10:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't had a positive experience since joining Reddit, so I'm always hesitant to post. I appreciate what you said, so thank you!
DontPressAltF4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't let the bastards grind you down!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Illegitimi non carborundum!
donquexada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If she didn't own the machine and didn't want to offer a voucher, then I would think she would have just torn the damn sign off.
WaywardDream ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is assuming there are an equal amount of each color within the machine.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:12:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If there isn't then you can just pick the one that is more prevalent (assuming the exterior to be representative) and then go off of that.
BeepBep101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:15:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/theydidthemath
Umbrall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/wrong
Umbrall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:18:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
18 vouchers were 126 dollars meaning 7 per voucher...
You also did your math wrong regardless. If it were 1 dollar, you'd get 16.666666c for every 15c gained causing them to lose just of that.
Where's that horrible audio clip about the cent dollar customer support thing where someone was charged 100 times the amount and the customer support person didn't realize the difference between 20 dollars and 20 cents.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I said assuming 1$ as a underestimate to exaggerate the loss of money with an abnormally low value. I also wrote this in the matter of seconds I had before a game of league of legends began, as I am writing this message also, so I overlooked decimal placement in the c value as I didn't proof read but the values still stand true and can be interpreted by a competent human. You had no reason to be so rude.
Umbrall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A competent human would also overlook it and misread the fact that you did your calculations wrong.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What?
Umbrall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I mean most people will see .16c and the result and not even look at your calculation to interpret it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
15 is very close to 16. The two numbers are close and would hopefully trigger the association. I also expect that people reading comments are capable of reading them fully, otherwise it's their own fault for not caring enough.
Umbrall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You overestimate the thought going into reading a comment
squishy121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/theydidthemath
sit0nmyfac3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
it said in his post it was $7 a rental
InfanticideAquifer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
People would (IIRC) often rent multiple movies at once. If you had once voucher you might come in to use it, and then rent four other things to go along with your free one.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to incorporate that into my post but I was lazy. Also I haven't a clue as to the amnt of money a movie rental would make on one rental. That's what I meant by >Unless if the voucher is a ploy for other profit
officer21 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:35:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
18/75 is just over 25%, so if there were actually 5 or 6 colors, and not 4, then you, sir, are a good guesser.
plonspfetew ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:27:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If there was an equal number of all colours in the machine, and there were five colours, than the probability of a correct guess was 1/5. With 75 trials, the probability of getting 18 or more successes was 15.60%, so not a significant deviation from what could be expected by chance. However, if there were six different colours, the probability of at least 18 successes was 3.66%.
Acetius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Only one more question...
bootstrap or confidence interval method?
plonspfetew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:21 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't usually run Monte Carlo simulations before commenting.
officer21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I agree.
Gorillaz_Inc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man do I miss video rental stores. I have Netflix and all, but the experience of browsing through those stores is something I'll truly miss.
Virtuosus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, nice. I like this story, it's so innocent but not so innocent at the same time.
249ba36000029bbe9749 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know how you actually did it but you should have done a rough count to see if any color showed up more than any other and just guessed that color every time.
ferociouspeanut ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:50:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One more thing I didn't add in the story: yes, red came out more often. after we found that out, shit hit the fan.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagged 'The Gumball Bandit'
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, the best I did was fold up the paper from books of matches into (roughly) the shape of a quarter, and put them into the machine to get free gumballs.
SweetSunnyD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:31:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This story is adorable. Innocent and sweet and what a great memory. Good for you, dude!
FusedIon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:31:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think the biggest question is, to me, they make 20 cent coins? Penny, nickel, dime, quarter, dollar, and toonie. Seriously, what?
js1992 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't had a gumball in a long time, but now I got a craving...
Hyro0o0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All they would have had to do is stick a limit on the number of guesses per person per day.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:41:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
good on you for letting other people take turns if they wanted to. nice to hear about a little kid fighting the power without being massive douchenozzle about it
JerseyEnt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:44:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Piggybacking this because I too have always wanted a chance to post mine.
I was at a party, my senior year of high school a few years ago. Everyone's having a good time and the host decides to invite her friends from Bayonne, NJ (white trash kids). Within 20 minutes of them arriving to the party, some trashy girl from Bayonne lost her phone and blamed everyone at the party for stealing it. She made a huge scene, and before you know it all of her white trash guy friends are trying to fight the people from our town...
Now here's how I have no fucking idea how this happened. There's a whole shit load of people out on the front yard from Bayonne and my town. The girl who's accusing everyone from my town starts patting us down, she couldn't find her phone. She had a genius idea after that, CALLING HER PHONE.
Now there's probably 20 guys from Bayonne ready to attack whoever stole the phone, so I'm ready for shit to go down in case someone actually did steal it. She calls her phone and what do you fucking know. MY phone rang. Everyone started at me and I thought I was about to get jumped. I pulled out the phone out of my pocket and thank fucking god it was mine. I still don't know how when she called for her phone, my phone rang. Never met the girl in my life, so what the fuck happened?
DustyTurboTurtle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:45:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Where the heck can you get 20c coins?
D-Nizzle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:46:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I upvoted as soon as I read this sentence. When I got to the end I went back to upvote on the merits of the story and realised what past me had done. Now present me feels gipped.
ztsmart ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:46:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just curious. Are you an engineer?
ferociouspeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can't say I am.
ztsmart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I literally did the same thing, though not as large in scale. I remember doing the analysis and it was clearly a more cost-effective means of acquiring rentals
slurmfactory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha i used to go to a beach convenience store called "shore stop" and they had a little game where you drop a coin into a plastic jug full of water that had a few plastic tiers in it. I found out how to angle them at age 8 or so to win every time (win cash) they kicked me out.
Found out how to win a "wheel of fortune" game at a local carnival and won tons of cash. ($25)
Found out if you hold another coin game (kinda like bowling, you put a quarter down a long slide thing and aim at a tab in a pinball machine like thing) that ud win every time. Got some cool autographs...
dewey2100 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:51:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ultra zone (lazr tag OMG) did this except their gum ball machine was stocked with soccer bouncy superballs, which, if spit out by the machine, you won a free game. Well as each game, at that time, cost 7 bucks and the gum ball machine is literally HALF soccer balls (no joke, literally fucking half) I decide the cash in 7 bucks worth of quarters and use them to win me some free games. I ended up with 14 free games. Did this multiple times over the course of two weekends, people started catching on. Went back a couple months later and the number of soccer balls had been dramatically and drastically reduced. For two weeks, I was Ultrazones frugal and shiesty king of kings.
88ZombieGrunts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About 4 years ago, a few of my buddies worked at a video rental across the street from my old job. So whenever I clocked out I would walk over and hangout, sometimes in their break room and eat the movie candy. Oh and the security cameras we all knew were bogus. And idk how but my buddies figured how to edit the inventory (or something, I don't remember exactly) so nothing was ever found out to be missing. We each lifted a couple hundred DVDs from that place and sold them at stores like FYE. After a few months of doing this Hollywood video closed down all its stores and my friends of course all lost their jobs... Good times
SorryIJustLied ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:06:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They were probably hoping to get you with the late fees.
tech-ninja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:09:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn! this is one of my favorites reddit stories ever.
wkrausmann ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:11:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're Michael Larson, aren't you? He went on Press Your Luck after figuring out the pattern of lights to get the big money prizes and free spins. The network shit a brick.
http://youtu.be/nzNMCXWCZzQ
ferociouspeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, I don't look like a serial-killing ice-cream truck driver, but that was a great watch. thanks!
wkrausmann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought he looked more like the Unabomber.
edit: spelling
ferociouspeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
do you mean unabomber? Never heard of him, but looked it up and I see where you're coming from
wkrausmann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, sorry, I misspelled it. Will fix.
14megamichael14 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's such an adorable story. Thanks for sharing!!
GloriousPeanut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You. I like you.
Rocky87109 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:34:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are the reason for "1 per day" rule.
hoots713 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:40:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well done mr. Well done.
snubber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There was a Little Caesar's Pizza a block away from a high school in my town. In the lobby was a machine that you could play a game of "Simon" with the four buttons that flashed in sequence, adding a new button to the pattern each time. The problem was if you got up to 25 or so correct you won a free breadstick, and the game only cost a quarter to play. I remember winning fairly easy with 2-3 plays, and others could win almost every time. They eventually removed the machine.
gonickryan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:47:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck is a 20 cent piece?
ferociouspeanut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:16:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
An Australian coin worth 20 cents. I've been asked this all too often, you must all be from the US with all your dime, quarter and nickel bullshit
joe_gw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:59:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We have a gumball machine in the video rental store i work at and I really want to try this promotion out, see if anyone try's to use your devious plan today.
gtsomething ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:01:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar story... only with hockey cards as opposed to gumballs.
There used to be this card shop in this shitty strip mall near my house when I was a teen and they had this hockey card machine at the front of the store where you would put in 25c and then get 3 random hockey cards in a plastic card jacket, or whatever they're called. Most of the time they were worthless and we really only ever used it when we happened to have a 25c coin on us. But then one day my friend got a shiny and pretty looking hockey card and subsequently went into the store to ask how much it was worth and then told him about $15.
The next day we took $20 and broke it into 80 25c coins and then went to town on that machine. We ended up with endless amounts of duplicates of the same players and same cards, but we got enough 'fancy cards' (that's just what we called them) that we ended up getting over $150 in hockey cards.
The week after that, the machine was "out of order" and was never "fixed". A few years later, the card shop closed for good.
420Sheep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:03:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Gumball Tycoon"
nicedog44 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:11:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Typical Mikey.
chaotic_david ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:33:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Get free vouchers with this one simple trick!
Video rental stores hate him!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:49:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
well did you actually use those vouchers?
ferociouspeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:02:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I'm slowly chipping away at them. I've currently got bioshock infinite rented out.
ThatObviousDude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:56:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In New Zealand too brah
PvtYarpYarp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:56:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, fellow Australian here just tied my kangaroo to a fence post
Rap15t ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:10:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please say this was civic videos
kastellan123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:11:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Second edit killed me as a fellow Australian holy shit well played.
swissarm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:14:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And this right here is why people in retail hate couponers.
ovni121 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:17:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember when I was around 9 years old. There was a gum machine at the video store with multicolored gum balls and few of them were black. It was a free rental voucher if you get a black gum ball. I had like 2$ in my pocket and spend it all in 25cent gum and I wasn't lucky once. Then the young lady at the couter said something like " oh wait I think there's still a gum trapped in the mecanism" and opened the small door of the gum machine. I looked behind that door and was trilled to see a black gum. It's only when I tought about all that happened on my way home that I realised that the lady put a black gum for me when she checked the mecanism. I'll always remember her act of kindness.
ImDotTK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:26:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait... Other countries don't have 20c pieces?
Also, I wish I found something like this as a child :(
MouthPoop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:28:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So it was $7 for a weekly rental that long ago?
IM_AN_AUSSIE_AMA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:28:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I looked out of my window and saw a Koala and a Kookaburra. Cannot confirm
ferociouspeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:31:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bullshit, only drop bears reveal themselves
absorbingpower ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:37:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You can see kangaroos out your window!? My goodness gracious that sounds amazing.
Edit: I live in a large American city... And amazing story btw. You were a clever kid. I hope you are making a fuckton of money as a grown up.
ferociouspeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:53:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, kangaroos fuckin everywhere, I live a few minutes away from a military base that has about 5000. They spread out all over the area. Thanks :) not quite a grown up yet, but ill get there someday
Princesskind4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:37:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Got some drop Bears outside my window. I live in Australia too! :P
Sabison729 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/bestoftldr
Condog802 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:30:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wow the sound of the gum balls jiggling around in your back pack must have been amazing...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:34:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Epic win.
Dani2386 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:43:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol my blockbuster did that too,only it was if you get a white gum ball you get a free movie rental. Looking into the glass you couldn't see one white gum ball. Leave it to me to get three in a row,the manager was outraged and did not believe me,it was a mess. It was like this guy thought I smuggled in white gum balls. I left with no free movies.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:47:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's only exploiting the owners idiocy.
Do they not even understand basic statistics?
-Aspardenya- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:24:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
21 Black Jack
r_quez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:44:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You ruined Blockbuster.
mobin0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Videogame stores HATE him
frmango1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:04:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I really love this story. Thanks for sharing.
chickenchickenbonez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
haha cool
Dr_SnM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:18:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have an Australian gumball machine story too, but it's nowhere near as impressive as yours so I shall simply leave it as a comment.
When I grew up there was a shop around the corner, what us Aussies would call a deli. Also on my street was a spring factory. The factory had crates of washer shaped pieces of metal kept out the front for recycling to pick up. One day I noticed that they looked to be a similar diameter to a 20c piece. So I loaded up on them and took them to the deli. I then proceeded to empty the gumball machine and the one next to it that gave out tiny toys in plastic egg thingies.
It was a good day.
Omar_J_Simpson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:47:17 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My guess is video ezy or civic video..
ferociouspeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:45 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Video ezy :)
Omar_J_Simpson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:00:24 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. I always remember walking into my local and it smelt like popcorn. Ahh..
ferociouspeanut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:25 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did your store make popcorn? At mine they had the microwave packets on the shelf along with overpriced fairy floss and chocolate bars
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:11 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ummm.....wow i wish i was as smart as that haha
Ressar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:09:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, what country did/do you live in that they have/had twenty-cent coins?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Still has them...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It costs $7 to rent a video there? Holy shit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ferociouspeanut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:04:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much how you'd expect. My dad was damn impressed that I'd found a way to cheat that much stuff from a shop, probably proud because I didn't break any laws. My mother was hardly impressed. She gave me a bit of a talk about why it was wrong to do things like that, but I got no punishment whatsoever :)
MrDNL ยท 608 points ยท Posted at 01:58:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My 7th grade "team" -- the group of teachers we all had -- put together an elaborate detention/suspension policy. Two missed homeworks meant losing your lunch period (a "lunch detention"). Three was an automatic detention and a demerit. Five demerits meant an in-school suspension; ten meant an out of school one.
My math teacher -- whom I generally liked, but later realized wasn't a very good math teacher -- had a bug up her butt about tuna. Yes, tuna. This was when tuna companies were grabbing dolphins in their nets and it was a big deal in the press, and she was on the warpath. She gave you a warning for bringing tuna sandwiches into school (even though the cafeteria sold it) and two warnings equalled a detention. That never happened, because she probably couldn't give a detention for that, but it scared us and got you on her shit list.
One day, this kid Josh has a lunch detention with this teacher and brought a tuna sandwich that day. She gives him a warning, or so the story goes -- none of us were there. Later that day, he's in class and his homework isn't done, so that should be an automatic detention. But he's working to finish it while she's going around talking to the rest of us.
She notices, of course, and says something to the effect of "your homework better be done before I get to you or you're going to be suspended." It seemed like she was giving him a 5 minute grace period to finish up, but that's not he saw it. He goes to correct her -- "you mean detention, not suspension" -- figuring she misspoke. After all, a suspension is a much, much bigger deal, and the rules don't call for that at all. She says no, suspension, and brings up the tuna sandwich. He flips out, saying that she can't do that, and she says "as long as you're in my classroom, you obey my rules" or something to that effect.
So he yells "then I'm leaving your classroom!" and jumps out the window.
He was suspended for three days.
Mejari ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 05:02:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You mean he got detention
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:20:37 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no, he got hanged in the net the teacher installed as a protest against tunas/dolphins fishing.
destinysnephew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:44 on June 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You mean defenestration?
Mejari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:33 on June 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god how did you find this comment?
destinysnephew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:49 on June 24, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If I remember correctly I was trying to find something that had been best of'ed for a buddy and then down the rabbit hole you go. I was aware of the age of the post, but you gotta admit that one was right there and everyone missed it so I'm just setting it right with the world.
RememberNobleGaming ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 05:08:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your teacher seemed like someone I would smash over the head with a metal pipe.
indian_police ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 08:26:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
GTA San Andreas high school.
Shaggyninja ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:11:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure that was Bully.
bigroblee ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:22:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good game. Deserves a sequel.
TheGuyWhoDoesThings ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:14:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did she get him suspended? or was he suspended because of the fact he jumped out of the window?
MrDNL ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:29:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Officially, he was suspended for jumping out the window.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:35:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
xlarukux ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:28:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You heard it because it was posted on reddit before. I remember reading it too.
Dwightasaurus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:10:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, the school system I swear.
redeyeddragon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:22:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. You went to a really shitty school didnt you?
pessjerk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:11:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Obvious choice. Bail out the window
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:14:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Excuse my ignorance of the American education system: What is an "in-school suspension"?
MrDNL ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:58:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Basically: you go to school but instead of going to class, you go to a small study area with a teacher who is effectively a babysitter.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:02:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How is this a punishment? Also, does the government take any part in diciplinary action in the US, or do the school administrations decide on their own?
sbbln314159 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:03 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a 7-hour time-out. That is punishment
Commander_Luka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What state is this this in if you don't mind?
thebeardedpotato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:16:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a huge abuse of power. I would have done everything in my power to make that teacher's life hell. Fuck I would've had a tuna sandwich every day, mercury poisoning be damned!
dont--panic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Even better, buy tuna, open it, and wait. If she comments on it, take a bite. If she continues slowly eat the tuna while staring at her.
Bayardina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hate it when people change the rules they made.
bigkcola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude who else imagined fuckin Josh Peck doing this.
Moore127 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thathappened
MjrJWPowell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend did something in collge, which I cant remember. He was sent to mandatory couseling. While in counseling the counselor asked him how he felt. He looked her dead in the eye and told her "I feel like leaving." So he climbed out the window. First floor, so he didn't need to jump.
CQBPlayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:18 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your teacher was a fuckup in general, thinking she can control her students on that level.
anthony0721 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was this at Petaluma Junior High School?
johnnyfootball123 ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 08:40:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Typical public school, you can't even make it through a freakin math class without a teacher shoving their liberal agenda down your throat...
MannoSlimmins ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:55:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The solution to that: If you don't want liberals teaching your children, homeschool them, or convince your conservative friends to get certified and get jobs in the public school system.
johnnyfootball123 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you aware of the old saying "those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." The solution to political agendas being pushed by ONE SIDE in public schools isn't "derp homeschool or get yur friends to start teaching!" Nor should that even be considered the "solution." No problem that shouldn't exist in the first place should have a "solution" that requires additional work on the part of those affected... Sort of how the actual solution to slavery wasn't "well just run away or don't be born black." This is MATH CLASS, math... As in there is no way to stretch any number 0-10 into a political message without trying to do so. People who don't want their children brainwashed politically by people who "CANT" shouldn't have to adjust themselves, these teachers should be fired for wasting tax payer money, and arrested for attempting to harm the minds of children. You know there's a reason that 100% of ghettos in America are democratic, and it isn't because democratic techniques have a track record for lifting ghettos out of financial despair.
KyzonP ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:53:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He was on the fourth floor...
[deleted] ยท 2655 points ยท Posted at 02:09:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Bluepillschool ยท 736 points ยท Posted at 04:09:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did he pay?
[deleted] ยท 1048 points ยท Posted at 04:42:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 712 points ยท Posted at 05:31:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've found my calling
fungalduck ยท 903 points ยท Posted at 06:15:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Paying random men to suck their cocks?
[deleted] ยท 308 points ยท Posted at 06:29:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not random. You have to screen them to find the cream of the crop.
ij3k ยท 575 points ยท Posted at 06:51:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
metans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:53:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And I assume you wish to be the payee, as opposed to the payer as /u/fungalduck suggested...
fungalduck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:24:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just glad someone is getting paid for this.
baconia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:17:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
insert Macho Man promotion here
SexlessNights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ha. Cream.
insertwittyusename ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Macho man randy savage...
What2020 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:30:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not random. You have to screen them to find the cream of the cock FTFY
Cripple_Swag ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:41:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"cream of the cock"
E35able ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:50:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the cream of a COP.
Wilsoncola ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:47:46 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cream of the cock FTFY
Remmib ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 07:26:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
#erekt
Kayzuspot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You...I respect you.
dijitalia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhhhh... The ole Reddit... Nah, fuck it.
Gr33n_Death ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:15:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the ol' reddit cock-aroo
fungalduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
explode
deadkate ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 06:50:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as receiving money to let guys blow him. It's not really a calling if you're paying them, is it? More if you're getting money for a "service". Even if your service is having a dick.
fungalduck ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:54:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the internet. I'm not ruling anything out.
allenyapabdullah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:52:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagged on RES as Papi II
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
K
leinaD_natipaC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thatยดs just prostitution.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:07:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You shut your whore mouth
Flope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe you aren't cut out for this.
boogiemanspud ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:33:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
don't google bug chasers :O
Vodiodoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can do this.
I have an ugly dick though.
Supajin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:27 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
protection or no protection?
AshAidan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:34:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You don't get a blowjob that good for free.
nestorishere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:46:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
the STD was probably free
Retarded_Artist ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:29:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He was so memorized by the perfect blowjob that he forgot about it.
NocturnalTaco ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:46:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
mesmerized*
jplivecmh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Most important question of this thread
KaptainKlein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the important question.
gettyler ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 04:59:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP pls...
Bluepillschool ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:06:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP already responded! Said the money was paid up front.
OP delivered :')
[deleted] ยท 705 points ยท Posted at 04:29:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man $300 is $300
ThereIsReallyNoPun ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 07:47:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
at least he didn't have to get pissed on
docbern ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:41:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man. I remember that. What a strange post that was...
AbigailRoseHayward ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:55:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But then he can't start a sheet buisness.
PedrooPievaSohsa ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:52:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TIL: $300 is $300
LaughingJackass ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:39:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"To be precise, it is."
NeonDisease ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:46:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's a week's pay.
To get blown.
Yes please.
live_lavish ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:52:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's 2 weeks for me =\
Wiggydor ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:07:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You make 150/week? How do you live off that? What do you do?
live_lavish ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:13:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a college student who's parents bought me a college meal plans and give me an extra 75 every 2 weeks. Almost every cent i make is disposable income... God i'm gonna miss college..
Gottheit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:37:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Curious how ironic your name is, now.
Emperor_of_Cats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, tell me about it. Full ride and about $500 a semester through scholarships, plus my dad gives me some money every day. I moved off campus and spend less on rent + meals than on room + meals on campus, but the scholarship pays me in cash. I started college with like $5k in a bank account (local one-time scholarships plus money I had been saving for years, never had a job in high school.) I'm coming up on my senior year and have more than doubled that money just from budgeting my funds. I keep trying to turn down my parents' money because I honestly don't need it. I go home every once in a while and they always put some in my wallet when I'm not looking or in my car's cup holder. They've gotten pretty creative. Found money in my laptop after they came by for a visit one day.
SalceSalsa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:00:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. That must be awful. I'm so sorry.
Emperor_of_Cats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a serious case of "lucky middle-class problems"
I would
n'twish it upon any other student.[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 06:03:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's a week's pay if you make US minimum wage and work under 40 hours a week...AKA a high school job.
ender323 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's working only 20 hours per week. Which is not a lot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:55 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So still a high school job.
ThisOneGuy808 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:38:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you can save a man who is homeless and his dog for less than that.
Suicide_anal_bomber ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Im not gay or anything but $300 is $300
CQBPlayer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:54:36 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good blowjob is good blowjob.
IAmMosh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:39:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For the best blowjob of his life no less
astrograph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whether it's from peeing or sucking
aprofondir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, Steve let a guy piss on him for $300
Makonar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:15 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And a free bj is a free bj.
Fragninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The real question is, for how many days was he called 'papi?'
mallycat1026 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At least he didn't have to be peed on
Crisspie13 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:11:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And Ben Franklin isn't gay..... Or...
Spratster ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:15:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And they suck your dick
Devilgirley ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
THIS IS SPARTA
14nganhc1 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 10:39:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
Derpkiller69 ยท 2869 points ยท Posted at 04:29:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Today you, Tomorrow me.
Edit: Since no one likes my edits of my happiness all I have to say is thank you for the gold.
crashing ยท 301 points ยท Posted at 05:15:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That used to be such a nice story...
art_con ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 05:57:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Something, something Ulysses bucket list challenge.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:22:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Something, something thread has gone full meta.
phySi0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:26:20 on May 22, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I missed it. Comment's been deleted. What happened?
goatsWithSnapchat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:36:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
now its sexy story
[deleted] ยท 824 points ยท Posted at 04:51:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
The_F_B_I ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 05:51:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DIOS LO MALDIGA
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 06:58:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea what this means. So why am I in tears laughing my ass off at this?
Daycardinal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:33:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Translator app produces: "God damn"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:31 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, in hindsight that seems obvious heh
wooden_suit ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:12:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Here you go, enjoy! http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/have_you_ever_picked_up_a_hitchhiker/c18z0z2
segasaver ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have you listed as how i harpooned your mother...
Febrifuge ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 05:03:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Son of a bitch. I've been doing too much reddit because that made me laugh my ass off.
IHaveARagingClue ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 07:28:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
?
UndeadBread ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:43:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/have_you_ever_picked_up_a_hitchhiker/c18z0z2
deadleg22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:09:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What is this? I thought it had some deep meaning to it but if you're hear lmaoing...
AWTom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:19 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
https://pay.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/have_you_ever_picked_up_a_hitchhiker/c18z0z2
LiteSh0w ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:26:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One more thing corrupted on the internet.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:07:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can someone explain this to me?
JoshBobJovi ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 07:30:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reference to this story in an older AskReddit thread. Probably one of the greatest references anyone has made in a long time.
uberduger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:29:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its a 'spent too much time on Reddit' in-jerk.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:59:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
haha. Apparently there's a Mexican bro/Good Samaritan just waiting to help change tires and give blowjobs...
Incurablydandy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:53:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Too soon.
simsoy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:17:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
16 hookers and a portable black hole.
anonisland5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
so that's how you achieve time travel!
RHaz44 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:47:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's more?! Please inform me sir. I find /r/lounge boring.
Rflkt ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:33:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you officially ruined something that was supposed to be inspirational to all current and future redditors. Congrats, that was amazing.
thealien42069 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:44:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh you're good.
MonkeyEatsPotato ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:20:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it. I get the reference, but I have no idea how it's relevant.
TheOskarshow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They were mexican.
MonkeyEatsPotato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:03:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I still don't get it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:34:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MonkeyEatsPotato ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:19:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I know the story. What is "today you, tomorrow me" supposed to mean in this context? All these people are saying it's the greatest reference, and I still don't get it... I feel dumb, but can someone just explain the joke to me?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Today you need a blowjob, tomorrow me, is my guess?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:45:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shit. This is by far the best "reference" comment I have ever read. If I ever decide to start donating gold, the first one's going to you. I almost died from laughing too hard.
TheOnlyBlub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesรบs Christ
JoshBobJovi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit.
ConradFerguson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
THERE'S ANOTHER ONE?
FUCK
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So it's true. Redditors are amused by any stupid in-joke even if it's not good.
Vodiodoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow! Great use of this reference. Lololol!
giantlawngnome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whut.
There's another subreddit for only gold members? :o
Anywho, good timing.
ImDotTK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What's in /r/lounge! I MUST KNOW!
shit_cum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are definitely fun at parties.
ProcrastinatorSkyler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:53:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck, just went to /r/lounge and it's ridiculously flashy, but yeah, other than that not too good. What's this other sub reddit you Speak of?
ZeppyFloyd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:34:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I dont get it. Can somebody please explain this reference?
scorcher117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What other subreddit is there?
AKnightAlone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely glorious reference.
wyfiman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, there is more than one gilded-only subreddit? Damn i need more gold...
yournameheree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ay dios mio, don't! That was such a nice story, don't ruin it for me :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck you man.
*Upvote*
doomgrin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just wait for /r/megalounge
superking2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are my hero for this.
assntittayz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
big papi want some D
Virginislandtan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
LOL
upvoteOrKittyGetsIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
NOOOO!! How dare you!
ASAPscotty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:14 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted even after the edit
motmthrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
whelp wasn't expecting that one
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ALREADY??? Jesรบs fucking Christ...
ProfessionalMartian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not meta enough. The guy was a gal!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
10/10
VaginaBeefcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Best damn tamale ever!
Free_The_Spoons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Meta
HeyWasted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I lol'd, great reply!
MLGxBanana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most meta thing ive ever fucking seen
congratulations
JoseFernandes ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:27:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OMFG. This is gold.
maku098 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:13:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Love the reference
shamayne ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:43:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Whoooooaaaa... Top 5 reddit comment.
EDIT: Had to come back and downvote you since the comment you responded to was deleted. I can't have myself looking like an idiot. Sorry.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:16:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MysteryBindsMeStill ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:47:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am laughing way too hard at this. Damn you, Reddit...
goodatcounting123 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 08:38:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you should probably expect to see your gold edits on r/cringepics soon enough
mileskerowhack ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're edits are horrible
oddwaller ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 06:47:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
youre comment would look so much better and be more entertaining without all the fuckin EDIT: omg i got a 3 dollar internet gift
Derpkiller69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well I don't see you having gold. It's like a trophy for reddit that millions of others have for making the other millions of people laugh, or educated, or disturbed.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 14:14:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
your edit ruins the comment. downvoted
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:42:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm straight too but I'm just gonna say what everyone is thinking. So all I have to do is post a picture of my dick?
Feed_Me_No_Lies ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:06:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gay guy here, partnered for 12 years so I wouldn't do something like that, but "my people" like to suck dick so yeah...it is pretty easy to get free blow jobs if you are straight. Sometimes people will pay you if they genuinely believe they have that rare type of genuinely straight guy who is open to such experiences. We like straight guys as a general rule.
misterhastedt ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:58:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was it this guy?
FightFireBitch ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 04:49:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no response from the women huh? sorry to hear that, Cuddle_Rape, I wonder why....
Lepke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:51:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or, perhaps, the encounter is why he is now known as Cuddle_Rape.
aethelmund ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:02:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had an old 40 year old dude offer me 500, I just couldn't do it though. I could make a shit ton of money this way from people, but I... I just can't overlook the situation.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
aethelmund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty much the conclusion I came to. I was like yea 500 dollars would be nice but not having a bj by a dude would be nicer.
cuneiformgraffiti ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:25:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HE paid YOU to let him suck YOUR dick?!
Sometimes I wish I was a dude. Jeez.
tank5 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:13:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Living the dream.
kumarsays ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:06:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
was it hard to get a boner?
JustBet ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:42:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I just got a business idea...
JNC96 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:57:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
$300 is $300.
I'd do gay shit for $300.
aldehyde ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:20:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
gay for the day
technicallyinclined ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:25:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What would have happened if he offered $301?
sgtmajwaffles ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 05:31:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*$300 and juan
HillaB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you used to be SergeantWaffles? I remember someone with that user name a while back. If so, congrats on the promotion.
valiumandbeer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:20:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Asdayasman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:34:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gay for pay ain't gay.
blackberryq5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:31:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a straight guy and had let a gay dude blow my dick few times. am I was a virgin back then :(
JeanvLucvDiscard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aw man now I want a dick so I can make money with it :(
_son_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:16:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You could put a homeless man back on his feet and get a blowjob from a small mexican man, and still have 50$ left over!
Tarbasaurus_Rex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And now you've told the internet.
dieoner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did your buddy watch too?
jakeyboy911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/u/mziggyb
Muchhappiernow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brojob
Gslick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wot.
INTPrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What did you buy for the $300?
yunith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(Most) Women won't react in a way you would want when showing dick pics. I'm a woman, and I don't get turned on by just dick pics. At all. If anything, it's a huge " boner killer" for women.
Sorsappy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your username could be inspired by that story.
44bottles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Has never told a soul about story.
Decides to post on reddit.
???
Profit
istara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:25:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps it's just me, but generally speaking as a woman, a disconnected dick pic isn't very appealing. Your eyes, your abs, even the top-of-jeans-slightly-undone suggestive shot.
But the hairy pipe? Nah.
camilos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So In essence, you prostituted yourself. I may be wrong but I don't think this is as uncommon as you think.
Dosinu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:04:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
did you cum?
8lbIceBag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:05:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A friend made a gay tinder account of me with my number posted. I got calls and texts from 15 guys and the profile was only up for a few hours. Meanwhile my personal straight profile gets 15 matches a month.
Why can't girls be more like guys...
elephant-in-the-room ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you cuddle?
relish-tranya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow, the Papi stuff is the weirdest part.
xPofsx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:03:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its a good thing nobody on reddit has a soul, or do we and you've just revealed one of your darkest secrets to everbody?!
IowaContact ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've got a good mate (hes straight as an arrow, gets all the women) who told me pretty much this same story except his was when stumbling home drunk from a nightclub, the guy offered him 300 and he didnt take it. (So he says). Never mentioned if he was Mexican.
scorcher117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not even a throwaway, bold move.
spankymuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A lovely, heartwarming story fit to tell your grandchildren.
CSMastermind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've hooked up with a handful of girls off of Craigslist and there's always a few guys who throw in responses. 15 seems abnormally high though (granted I don't post dick pics).
JohnKinbote ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was he a roofer perchance?
LithePanther ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know a gay Mexican guy who calls everyone Papi, but he's tall :/
UnluckyLuke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Weren't you scared of STDs?
Large_Dr_Pepper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"He offered" - /u/Cuddle_Rape
ExpensiveNut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did he at least scrub up well? Sounds like it could've been a lot worse.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not surprise cuddle rape?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.....Nick.....is that you.....seriously the other half of the dex bandits
phxstar89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Im in the wrong business! Step it up to golden showers heard there's more money there.
dezeiram ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did he piss on you the next morning?
lotuseater_the ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can we get the picture? You know, for science?
endlessvictor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If I wasn't always on mobile, you would definitely be tagged papi.
Zerasad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ofcourse they fucking did...
lookatthisthrowaway3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I'm going to CL right now
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Were you really needy for the 300$?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:42:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
shwodk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
$300 is $300
evilbrent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And, depending on how comfortable you are with your body, a dick sucking is a dick sucking.
throwaway_account_69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm. I would probably let somebody suck my dick for even $100.
Pariah_ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:01:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude that's like getting a free Wii U
ennui_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:21:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually $300 better than that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:38:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
BROJOB BROJOB!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:12:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How much for a ZJ!
goatcoat ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:54:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Zombie Job?
potterheel ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:01:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How has no one pointed out his username?
4trevor4 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:05:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i think im gonna get my dick sucked tommorrow. do you think they would pay extra for minors?
TheFoxGoesMoo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:51:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's nothing gay about getting your dick sucked. Remember that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just like masturbatin.
itonlygetsworse ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:51:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Basically that guy gets paid $1000 to provide confidential personal services to other men and a new client had a dick that matched yours...that he needed some practice on.
rooberdookie ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:41:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You post pictures of your dick on craigslist and have the username "cuddle_rape." I hope you don't wonder why no women responded
goatcoat ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 05:54:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're not completely straight. That's not a problem or anything. You're just not 100% straight.
ZacharyCallahan ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
well
UhLain ยท 2550 points ยท Posted at 00:45:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was on my way to class in NYC and this homeless guy approached me. He had a trench coat on and he started to reach for something in his coat.
I honestly thought he was going to flash me so I was freaking out but then of course, the unexpected... He pulled out a pigeon and tried handing it to me while yelling, "Merry Christmas!" (NOTE: it was only October during this time)
[deleted] ยท 1446 points ยท Posted at 03:50:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a Home Alone reference. Lost in New York.
Get with it.
cheeseburgerwaffles ยท 419 points ยท Posted at 05:47:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How do you get lost in new york? Its a grid system ya simple bitch
Mish106 ยท 126 points ยท Posted at 10:00:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a grid system, mothafucka. Where you at? 24th and 5th? Where you wanna go? 35th and 6th? 11 up and one over you simple bitch
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:03:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
APPLAUSE
jankylyfe ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:41:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And you are a horse
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:43:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shh... shhhh
Why do people always do that? Shush their animals?
insaneblane ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:28:24 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They've never spoken!
Cyhawk ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:48:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you seen the warriors? It's a 1979 documentary about a gang in New York running for their lives after being framed for a crime they didn't commit. Took then hours to.get home. Grid system my ass.
Heyy_Brother ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:30 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad that's the part of that movie that we're agreeing is the most ridiculous... not the whole, uh, gang of dudes in overalls and rollerskates thing.
LoiteringLlama ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 07:43:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of Manhattan is a grid. Parts of it are not. Most of the other boroughs are messy spiderwebs.
TheLastSamurai14 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 08:26:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Parker, get me pictures of those spiderwebs! We're on his trail!
i_punt_cunts ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:00:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reference to a John Mulaney routine.
oogmar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:13:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
John Mulaney stand up reference
Relevant at 1:20.
theholyllama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:18:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God how I hate trying to navigate in the village and FiDi
aprofondir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:36:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
53rd & 3rd, standin' on the street...
xatarmslengthx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
someones new in town
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:21 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone knows you have the illest references
cheeseburgerwaffles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:41 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of people seem to be quoting john mulaney lately. I'm glad to see he is so popular.
GreatSpaceWhale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:59 on May 27, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just wish I could find more of his stuff. I've only ever heard like 2 of his shows and I'm sick of hearing the same material.
cheeseburgerwaffles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:15 on May 27, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yeah he only has the two albums as far as i know. he does have a TV show coming out though
laktoastandtolerance ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 04:23:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know there's the pigeon lady, but I don't remember any part similar to what the OP described.
[deleted] ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 05:33:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She approaches him and saves him in Central park with her pigeons. It's a magical and glorious event.
springloadedgiraffe ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:52:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There was no Christmas wishes involved though.
reevnge ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:44:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But it was Christmas time
JHawkInc ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:13:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There sort of were. But it's with the two turtle doves that Kevin buys at the store, where you give someone close to you to give them good luck (or have their wishes come true or so you'll always be close to each other; something that has "feel good" written all over it), and he gives one to the pigeon lady.
Though, to be fair, the homeless man should have been giving OP a turtle dove, not a pigeon. He needs to get with it.
d_pug ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:42:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lost in New York? How can you get lost in New York? It's a grid system mothafucka!
spareaccount23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry
Apatheticunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen that movie dozens of times and I don't remember this. Also Home Alone 1 and 2 take place in December.
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 913 points ยท Posted at 01:00:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And this is why NYC is one of my favorite cities in the world.
EquationTAKEN ยท 1171 points ยท Posted at 01:06:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because of the homeless people flashing pigeons with poorly timed greetings?
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 770 points ยท Posted at 01:09:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because you never know what the day will bring.
Cupcake-Warrior ยท 1121 points ยท Posted at 01:33:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Traffic.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:43:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The 405 says hello.
/wrists
vengefulspirit99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
nothing compared to the 401 in Canada... fml
Confused_Erection ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:29:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pizza
SanguisFluens ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:16:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nowhere near as bad as L.A. We also have a great subway system, places within walking distance and bike lanes. If you're getting stuck in traffic too often, it's because you shouldn't be driving in the city.
Laurence_of_aLabia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's true that nobody should be driving in NYC, but I live in Los Angeles, and our traffic is SO much better than NYC traffic. Fuck that place, fucking 2 hours to get from Times Square to the Brooklyn bridge? No thanks.
heyyoman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:03:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Car impounded
Retarded_Artist ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:23:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bike robbed.
allsortsashit ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:53:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Retarded artists ... whoops, sorry fella. I didn't mean...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:06:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I sat in traffic for 45 minutes on Staten Island this morning. At 5:45am. On a Sunday.
Traffic is one absolute that you can count on in NYC
gorgossia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At least your streets are in a grid?
DiseasedScrotum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently you haven't been to India...
Stones25 ยท 517 points ยท Posted at 03:12:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Horrible smells
nokeymonkey ยท 257 points ยท Posted at 03:47:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's probably piss
farmerjane ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:35:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There, I corrected it for you.
LTLARRY1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:21:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's always piss.
always
LarrysMod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it was piss.
Kevin_Wolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In San Francisco, it's poop.
SOURCE: I work in SOMA.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In Toronto it's usually garbage rotting in the summer heat, back alleys were an after thought here and some parts of the city can get so stinky I routinely throw up (at least twice a summer)
DawnsBreaker45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And homeless with near lifeless pigeons in their pockets
OnlyEpic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:59:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glad to be an Australian here.
BreakingInReverse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:50:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And sewage.
PedrooPievaSohsa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never crossed my mind.
Mowyourdamnlawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're lucky if its only piss.
Eating_sweet_ass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's always piss.
ihsnh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
or poop
Reddit_llama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pigeon piss
J0hntheg0d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You hope
spartankelli ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:03:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
it's only smellz
ClassyDitch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:42:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Iz only smellz
Sex4Vespene ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's only smellz.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:06:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're confused with New Jersey
L1feIsGood ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:51:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Drug dealers in Washington Square Park.
WhoStoleTheKarma ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:55:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sky high rent.
PM_ME_AZNBOOBIES ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:31:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
parking ticket
CinnamonTwisted ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:36:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Really fucking loud garbagemen
vin_DOT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:06:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I live in NYC, can confirm this. I used to work security in Saks Fifth Ave and almost every day this guy with a really long white beard would come in wearing this rainbowish turban and long rainbowish dress with high heels on pushing around a little dog in a baby carriage and a real live parrot chilling on the top of his head. He would go around calling himself lady gaga. It was definitely a sight to see for all the tourist that visit NYC.
EDIT: also the dog would be like spray painted in rainbow colors
rafaelloaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:18:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.humansofnewyork.com/
onionpants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:15:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This applies to everywhere.
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:35 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So true. It just seems more magical in NYC
ClayHenry225 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:24:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dreams
Smartalec1198 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:45:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never
Nagataman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:10:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Broken Dreams.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:09:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There ain't no sleep in New York City, biatch.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Muggings
Brudesandwich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Snobby douchebags
DFTBA32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Muggings
Witchgrass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Used condoms tied in knots everywhere
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised no one said a drunk plane.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
assballsclitdick ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:08:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One might say he was viewing you negatively, purely because of your race. Isn't there a term for that?
canibuyatrowel ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:05:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I read this as "flashing people with poorly timed pigeons" - had me wondering what an appropriately timed pigeon would be for at least a minute.
xbunnny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah.
ChickensDontClap90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, because compared to the ridiculous amount of crazy people that roam the city, you're not that bad yet :)
powerwafer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:12:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once met a Mensa member in Central Park that helped Steve Jobs create the iPhone, and became filthy rich after Jobs died.
His sanity suggested otherwise, to all of the above.
scsnse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aren't the rates for mental illness correlated with intelligence?
jumpback22122 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Free pigeons!
sweetgreggo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah! Because stories about the mentally ill are so awesome!
spankymuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This shit happens in every city.
Large group of people in a small radius... craziness ensues.
dominodan123 ยท 146 points ยท Posted at 01:15:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not getting it yet...
Talk_Like_Yoda ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 02:34:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me either. So if you find out tell me
[deleted] ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 03:53:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Um..
Dude in French coat.
Dude looks like he's going to flash you
Dude pulls out pigeon, and wishes merry Christmas in October.
Do you not see the humor? S/he was probably just freaked out and didn't realize how stupid and humorous it was until later
Kbg4213711 ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 04:24:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a Home Alone: Lost in New York reference. Referring to the homeless pigeon lady.
M_is_for_Mancy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:30:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Played by the lady who also plays the part of Maggie in Angels in the Outfield.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:29:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Huh. I just thought it was funny from the complete randomness. Ok, thanks.
runtheplacered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly forgot I had ever seen that movie. I said, oh that sounds like some shitty spinoff movie. Looked it up, and it's part 2. Then it all came back to me, pigeon lady included.
Chief_Givesnofucks ยท 127 points ยท Posted at 04:12:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
French coat? Did it have oui oui on it?
Detective_Dinosaur ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:22:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It had a oui oui in it
hjschrader09 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:54:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well OP thought there would be a wee wee involved.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oops...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm hoping it had "non non" on it
anyakinskywalker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no, his weewee is under the French coat.
CriiMSuN92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
no, that would be a Pea Coat.
sontato ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:13:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Still don't get it.
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 04:14:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was just weird and funny.
ScumbagGina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That didn't sound like Yoda
bawss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Home Alone reference.
Talk_Like_Yoda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:27:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He already said it was a pigeon, retard.
Gertiel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:46:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Home Alone Lost in New York, I think. Except it was a lady with the pigeons in the movie. I think they're sort of referencing the ceramic turtle doves in there, too.
bawss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a Home Alone reference.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Home alone 2 reference
redditwerk ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:11:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He was giving him the bird...get it?
NovSnowman ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:15:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Someone pulling something out of his pocket while approaching you can be scary
NotAlwaysSarcastic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:53:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Especially if you've been taught that terrorism is a bigger problem than it really is.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:40:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Tonamel ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:00:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he was a programmer. I hear they confuse OCT 31 and DEC 25 pretty easily.
inEffected ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's probably it.
Penarr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:56:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Remember Arnold, always wash your berries before you eat them, and fly toward the sun" - Pigeon Man
krampus503 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:35:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was it Oct 31st? He might have been a drunk CS student and gotten it confused with Dec 25th.
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:18 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, what?
krampus503 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:11 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Think numeric bases.
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:24 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Explain, please.
krampus503 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:25 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Disclaimer; This is a quick and dirty explanation of which a numbers nerd or mathemagician could do a much better job.
There are many (probably technically infinite) "positional systems" or bases. Base-10, or decimal, is what most people use. Each digit place represents a power of 10. Computers, being binary in nature, use Base-2 and each digit place is a power of 2. Computer scientists, however, often use both Base-16 (hexadecimal) or Base-8 (octal) since it's easy to convert to among binary, octal, and hexadecimal at a glance (you can do it by simply grouping them into groups of 3 or 4 binary numbers).
Decimal gets a little more complicated since its base is not a power of two. To go to Octal, divide your Decimal number by 8. Write down your remainder as the least significant Octal digit. Repeat the dividing of your quotient and writing down the remainder until your remainder is less than 8. Bam, conversion done.
So, back to the original date: Dec 25. 25 / 8 = 3 remainder 1. 3 < 8, so final result is Oct 31.
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:04 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, math jokes.
Wiggydor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:06:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was visiting San Francisco once when I was approached by a homeless man in a train station. A week in SF will get you pretty used to this situation (and crush your humanity in the process) so I was ready to get rid of him. He came up to me and asked if I wanted a free laptop. He showed me a Fedex box but, flummoxed, I just said no and ignored him. He then approached a guy sitting next to me and offered it to him. He accepted, and the homeless man wobbled away. I sat and watched as this other guy opened a brand-new macbook pro next to me.
Okay, it was almost certainly stolen but hell...
nwilz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was it dead?
http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/sunny-go.jpg?w=650
zniper44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was hoping this would show up somewhere!
cadbane298 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:38:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why is this funny? I don't get it.
mozza5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kevin Mcallister?
farts_n_darts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How did you decline a free pigeon? RUDE!
H4xolotl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should have told him to give it to a potshop in flea bottom
GarethGore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Better than my story, met a homeless guy in Paris on a school trip, he was drunk and slit his wrists and then bled on everyone.
Scottvrakis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it..?
spencerdrake998 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you met tesla.
smalaki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He just showed and gave you his bird
Pennypacking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe it was the husband of the Pigeon Lady from Home Alone 2?
thebbking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few months ago I was walking in a medium sized city with a friend when we saw a homeless man walking towards a crosswalk, pulling a wagon and carrying a two by four. He stopped at the 'don't walk' sign and while he waited out his two by four in his wagon. When it changed to 'walk', he picked up another, different, two by four and continued on his journey, only to stop across the street, and switch back to the original two by four.
This homeless dude has a street crossing two by four and a sidewalk walking two by four.
MrDNL ยท 3747 points ยท Posted at 01:58:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was in middle school in the early 1990s, around when Sam's Clubs and the like started opening up. None of us could drive yet (obviously; we were like 14) and few of our parents had club memberships, so it was rare that anyone could go there and buy stuff. And none of us had jobs or anything anyway, so you're looking at about $5 in allowance here and there as your budget.
One kid had a great idea and bought some of those HUGE bags of Blow Pops for $5. Let's say he walked away with 100 Blow Pops -- 5c a piece. He came to school and sold them for a quarter and was out of stock within a few days. He did this for probably three weeks before others got in on the game. (There were a bunch of arguments over whether the others had to go into a different line of candy, or if Blow Pops were fair game. The first wave decided that everyone needed their own kind of candy, creating a little cartel. Kind of funny in retrospect.)
About a month or so later, a new kid starts selling, and he has everything. Must have spent $50, maybe $100. But he quickly ran into a problem. The school started cracking down on student-run candy sales in the cafeteria, so lunch time -- where the money was -- became a really dangerous time to sell. Most of the kids who were selling just stopped, cashing out while they could. But this one kid had way too much candy to do that.
There were only four classes after lunch and you really weren't selling candy during the first two periods, so that left five or six reasonably good times to find customers. The bad news was that typically, you had the same kids (give or take) in all of your classes by now, because we were broken up into levels. (The exception, things like gym and band, were really bad times to sell candy.) The good news was that homeroom was between second and third period, and that was homogenous. So you got to see kids you'd otherwise not see -- and, more importantly, they'd see kids you'd otherwise not see.
The kid with all the candy ended up repackaging it into ziplocks of five pieces and sold it them to kids for $1/each. That happened for a few days until one of the kids in his homeroom asked to buy five, explaining that he was reselling the candy for 25c a piece and effectively getting a free piece of candy each day, and there were a few kids in his next period class who wanted to do the same. He offered $4 because he wanted to make a profit off his friends. The kid with all the candy agreed, and not only sold out by the end of the week, but ended up buying another $50 or so worth of candy to do it the next week, too.
A few other kids in the homeroom caught wind of this and wanted in. Candy kid ended up selling 5 bags at a time to about five or ten kids in his homeroom, each seeing the opportunity to make a free dollar a day just by being middlemen. It was an easy sale -- you'd tell your friends how you bought the candy and sold it quickly and flashed them the wad of singles you had.
It worked for two days, maybe three.
Basically, the entire grade got flooded with candy sellers, and the candy being sold wasn't scarce any more because the supply wasn't controlled by one person or a cartel. It was a commodity now. Prices crashed to like 10c per piece and the MLM-style distribution structure couldn't support that price. The whole supply dried up pretty quickly thereafter, and with teachers starting to crack down, no one reentered the market for months.
edit: Thanks for the double-gold!
FortheLoveofGingers ยท 837 points ยท Posted at 04:04:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This gave me a good laugh. This happened in my school too, only the drug of choice were the flavored tootsie rolls. There was like a black market for those things and everyone knew who the good dealers were.
[deleted] ยท 2210 points ยท Posted at 04:56:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This also happened at my school only with weed
BRITANY-IS-A-CUNT ยท 568 points ยท Posted at 05:53:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's so weird! It's just like the illegal candy trade.
AurophobicLiar ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 08:16:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I gotta know, what did Britany do?
SerLaidaLot ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:01:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She hit a baby a few times, nothing serious.
AurophobicLiar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow really? What a cunt.
Troublechuter ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:33:15 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In her defense, the baby was being kind of a dick.
Creativeusernam3 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:08:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's not OP
leman9001 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:09:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
candy kush
[deleted] ยท 274 points ยท Posted at 05:44:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason this comment caught me offguard.
cgoods94 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:20:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What's it like being awkward?
awkwardIRL ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:23:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You don't even know dude.
userdeath ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:19:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's like being a whale in a sea of dolphins. Dolphins that maintain eye-contact.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Probably because of the unexpected nature of the comment.
awkwardIRL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:23:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can we be friends? Scratch that too awkward
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:18:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The kids in my highschool who sold weed started out selling those flavored tootsie rolls in middle school.
FortheLoveofGingers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:45:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Probably sold to the same clientele, too!
MIL215 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:25:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This kind of happened to me with Jolt Gum (the caffeine gum). I got a free huge box because I got points for ordering off of thinkgeek. I wasn't a huge fan, but whatever it's caffeine and gum together. Well a few kids saw and wanted to try and then people were asking all over and I was like "fuck you, I see you for 55 minutes a day in school and don't even like you... give me 2 bucks for it." And thus an industry was born.
It came mildly crashing down when I was reminded that I couldn't sell shit on school property... rotten government cronies. That said I got a laugh after a friend's mom found it and accused him of drug use (its fucking caffeine) and started saying that it was a gateway drug and shit. My grandmother heard about it at church from the mother (family friend) and said when she came into my room, saw the box, and realized that I was the one who sold it to him, that her "heart dropped and I'm worried you are selling and doing drugs." I laughed my ass off at that because I was a scared little kid who had barely drank in his life.
kidblue672 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:47:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The best kind of candy
shadow91110 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:06:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I dont know why this made me laugh so hard but thanks. My dog is coming close to the end, and I really needed a laugh tonight.
Edit: well we had to put her down this morning. Fuck.
Pickledwolf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:46:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:(
NYComrade ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:02:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And this is a perfect example of why the war on drugs is a farce and that government should allow free markets to operate unhindered by its strangling, superfluous regulations.
jozzarozzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
same here
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
did we go to the same school?
Confused_Erection ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you go to a high school?
frizzlefrazz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They sold bags of weed for 4$ in your school homeroom?
weswes887 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:49:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like my school. I heard 3rd graders got caught smoking pot in the restrooms.
noniwashere123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just weed?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mostly. There were a few cases of shrooms/coke/codeine but mostly just weed
ChaoticNeutralLife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The way I imagined your delivery of this line cracked me up so hard just now.
Cheifer176 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:55:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school got into meth.
heyitsaubrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:05:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Happened at mine with Xanax and Adderall...
Blizzaldo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school threw in oxies. My school is also next to a park, which was basically an outlands.
CeciTree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Woah, I think we went to the same school...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love how this comment had 420 upvotes when I was reading it. http://imgur.com/ZiZnpUi
zayme ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:20:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did we go to the same school? I swear my school sold weed as well.
gingersnaps96 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tree-fiddy?
B34RSHARK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:50:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh, the blue ones, soo good.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:55:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was the kid with all the tamarindo candies. I felt like a damned heroin dealer. It was great.
RenderedUseless ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:11:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same shit happened in my grade school. Drug of choice: Warheads.
FortheLoveofGingers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Those were dabbled in, as well. But eventually it got to the point that it wasn't cool unless you were eating the ones sour enough to make your tongue fall off...thus the tootsie roll market began.
EweBrynner ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:20:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At my school it was incense.
Kittykatmeeeow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school sold pixie sticks, but some kids liked to snort it. That empire didn't last long.
There was also this thing called juice or something. Kids put some koolaid in sandwich bags mixed with just enough water to make it viscous, similar to silly putty. That stuff was delicious and sold incredibly well.
Lunaaar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:31:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Welp, I know what I'm trying later.
Kittykatmeeeow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let me know how it is! It's been years.
Raruno ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:27:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same at mine, except the candy was lemon heads. One guy had to get creative and stash them in a hollowed out book.
art_con ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:34:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same except at my school it was the watermelon slice pops.
always_polite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Happened at my school as well but with caramel apple pops.
Asapara ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The vanilla and cherry ones are fucking delicious.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:05:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
kid I knew sold Monster. He'd buy them wholesale for $1/piece and sell them for $2.50. Made a killing. Instead of books in his backpack he'd have 12-20 monsters every day and always sold out. He also used to sell the "cocaine" energy drinks until they were banned.
Mofrosho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
this kid i knew had a friend that was sponsored by the energy drink cocaine for paintball and would get cases for free. So naturally this kid would get them off his friend and sell it to insomniac teens in the morning. That stuff got me through so many school days
Crisspie13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:55:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I sold blow at that age, I even had a few teachers buying from me as gum was heavily outlawed so my BLOWpop cartel worked. Made a bunch of money and never go I to trouble, but like most I ended up getting high on my own supply over the summer and gave the rest away at birthday party's (cheap but cool present) and never tripped for 8th grade.
spermface ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:18:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for reminding me I had a tootsie roll in my pocket.
FortheLoveofGingers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:49:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glad to be of assistance!
drivebyupvote ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:20:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school had a chocolate trade going on, but at the end of the year the teachers went on a rant about how it's illegal because nobody was paying VAT. (This makes no sense because when the "dealers" bought the multipacks from the store, VAT was paid then.) :( anyways, the chocolate was confiscated if found from then on. And probably eaten by the teachers
Beopenminded16 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:45:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school was hi-chews
jburrke ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:47:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Happened at my school with dollar store items. Things like magnetic earrings, bouncy balls, bracelets, etc. And candy of course.
FortheLoveofGingers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This just reminded me of the yo yo craze! If you didn't have a yo yo you just better not have shown up to school. We were a bunch of tootsie-roll-eating yo yo-ing fools!
jburrke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Duncan ftw.
Shizzzler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:06:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In my school someone sold fireworks this way. Here you need to be over 18 to be able to buy them, and most parents won't do that. His did - knowing he didn't buy them to mess around, but to sell them on and create an enterprise. He would organise demonstration in his yard, even, for interested buyers.
Today he is about to graduate from the most prestigious business school in the country, destined to become CEO somewhere.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tootsie rolls A.K.A the candy that gets thrown out with the bag on Halloween.
FortheLoveofGingers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The original, yes. But the flavored ones are like happiness in your mouth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Flavored Tootsie rolls?
FortheLoveofGingers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah! There is cherry, orange, vanilla, lemon and lime. The cherry and vanilla are the best!
Hsapiensapien ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jolly ranchers were the best
thatoneguy172 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mine too, giant jaw breakers, and I was king! I didn't make any money though..
dylanimal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This was at my high school, dude was selling like 100 dollars of Frooties a day. We called him Frootie Man.
He also sold weed. Great cover.
tocilog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same. Not just candy too. Stationery papers, class notebooks, pogs, teks cards, and spiders. The last three were also used for gambling.
Lothar_Ecklord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My elementary school; it was Warheads. Then in high school, gum because we were allowed to chew in class. Just don't blow bubbles. That's a story for another day though...
LithePanther ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
vanilla is king
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For us it was eraser's and pencil grippers
iRideBMX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:01 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school was rebel rocks
Bigbona ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:43 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did a similar thing. My freshman year of high school, I got a hardship license which allowed me to drive to school eventhough I was only 15. I began asking people in my first hour who couldn't drive if they wanted to give me a couple dollars for me to pick them up a drink the next morning. It worked splendidly. It turns out that up to 10 people a day were giving me 2-3 dollars to buy them a 75 cent drink every day before school. I was rolling in cash it felt like until the rest of my classmates got their licenses as well.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:49 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at my school, I bought three 12 packs of no name pop/soda for 3 for $10, and I sold each can for $1.00. made a good profit.
skeptically_quixotic ยท 1726 points ยท Posted at 04:13:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your classmates got an interactive demonstration on economics and markets.
KingOCarrotFlowers ยท 380 points ยท Posted at 06:10:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They probably remember more of their experiences regarding that cartel than anything they learned in lessons those few days.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:42:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I did the same thing with airheads from costco, but only sold on the bus ride home. profits were minimal but i kept it quiet enough so that I could endure doing it for awhile.
Edit: that was when I was in 8th grade and I'm 30 yrs old now.
Forgot_password_shit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:30:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a good idea for an education reform. Let school be even more like a mini-society for the kids. I bet we'd have more left or far-left people then.
Actinism ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Left or right doesn't mean right or wrong.
Forgot_password_shit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no, I wasn't trying to make a political statement. Atleast not conciously.
psinguine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And they learned how the authorities don't give two fucks whether or not if what you're doing is wrong. If it's against the rules they'll still shut you down.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:48:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Sneaky_mailman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ice is where it's at, it's the currency of the future!
whooopseee ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 06:17:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Replace candy with drugs and you get a good picture of the drug trade.
BlakeBurna ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 05:14:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Look closely. It's almost a pyramid scheme.
doofinator ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 06:11:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Almost, except the fact that the kids are still getting goods from their purchase.
iceburgh29 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:26:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's fucking genius, is what it is.
awdcvgyjm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:51:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
deleted What is this?
HonoraryMancunian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
theycallmeponcho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:04:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And did it well. I could use that into the economics class.
wiseclockcounter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:30:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The school should have seen it as a "teachable moment" and integrated it into their lessons.
allittakes222 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:15:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yet the school that was "educating" them, actively tried to stop it. Imagine my shock and awe.
ciny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:00:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think this should merit extra credit or at least count as an extracurricular activity
LeotheDio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Someone has spent too much time interpreting bar graphs as people.
dementorpoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They got an interactive demonstration of the drug world.
GrandmasDiapers ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay Hugh Pinsey
[deleted] ยท 3044 points ยท Posted at 04:04:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The parallels between this and the drug trade are hilarious to me.
laktoastandtolerance ยท 2851 points ยท Posted at 04:35:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just imagine a kid leaning against the basketball hoop at recess.
"Yo dawg, I got that shit you wanted."
"Hershey's Cookies n creme, nice! How much?"
"$1.50 per bar."
"It was 75 cents just last week!"
"Yeah, well shit's been gettin hot around here lately. Mrs. Stephenson ain't playin games anymore. Searched my shit this morning and everything. You want it or not? Mikey said he would buy everything I've got."
"Dude fuck Mikey! He buys out the whole supply every god damn day. Fine I'll take two."
_HAL_9000_ ยท 1226 points ยท Posted at 04:49:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Typical Mikey.
igloo27 ยท 1700 points ยท Posted at 05:18:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey has diabetes.
mikelobe ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:45:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, i been eatin too many of dem blow pops
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:05:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Different kind of blow...
MLGxBanana ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:15:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Scott Malkinson?
Iyernhyde ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:59:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey doesn't exist. Classic strategy.
LeotheDio ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:34:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Diabeetus. Get it right reddit.
Lothar_Ecklord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I thought it was just dabeetus
EDIT: or dibeetus.
Adrew19 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:08:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reese's In Pieces Mikey....
IceburgSlimk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not yet. But he's putting in the work
LonelyTableSaw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:37:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't do business with junkies.
Confused_Hippy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:55:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*Had. RIP Mikey.
DrSharkmonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck Mikey.
CommissarCallahan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey took my money.
the_fathead44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's because Mikey eats everything.
GeistInfection ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Serves him right
IfOnlyIcouldUsePS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And is morbidly obese
I_am_the_LION ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey deserves diabetes.
HiggyBobson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey from Recess?
MuffTheMagicDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And a lisp.
ranthria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:03:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Should have let him clear out the dealer that day then; Mikey won't be clearing anyone out anymore if he goes into diabetic shock.
arcticfury129 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll slip that sneaky little bitch a sugar-free, man. I DONT GIVE A FUCK,HOMIE!
GoldDoesNotGlitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I LOOOOOVE chocolate, but I can't eat it because I'll get fat. But It's SOOOOOOO good!
manurmanners ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
he's such a sweetie sometimes. gets real sweaty though
I_SEE_YOU_FAPPING ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey McFatty
pollorojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
By college he was known as "Purple Foot Mikey."
reddy97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hypoglycemia
DR_BOOBIES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Miley gave me diabetes
QuantumAnus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:55:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:46:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I chortled.
Eleminohp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:44:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey was in on it!
Confused_Erection ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:22:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Recess..ion.
MasterUnholyWar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:13:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He likes it! He really likes it!
naughtyhegel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
he'll eat anything
always_polite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey pls
daducebag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oakland Tony*
stupidusernamestaken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can only think this is referencing the mikey from recess and the seller is hustler kid
XxEpicTacosxX ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:44:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Classic Mikey.
AwkwardTurtleClub ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:00:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just pictured that whole scene with the Recess characters, down to the sneak Randall running off to Ms. Finster and rattling them out
TrepanationBy45 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:22:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's all fun and games until Timothy has to smuggle candy bars in his ass, and Milfy Mrs. Stephenson starts getting strung out on confiscated Kit-Kats, and puts on 20lbs by summertime. Her husband notices the extra weight, starts becoming detatched and Mrs. Stephenson notices that Mr. Stephenson's usual business trips to Seattle are happening a lot more frequently. Mrs. Stephenson starts neglecting grading papers, and watching more soaps. Sneaking Kit-Kats turn into binge Ben & Jerry's, until one day Mr. Stephenson's lawyer serves Mrs. Stephenson divorce papers, and her business sharp skirts and buttonups turn into a moo-moo and the class clown is pooping in the wastebasket during class.
newappeal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:35:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At my middle school, I remember Mrs. Stephenson being a complete pushover. I'm calling bullshit on Mikey's story.
EJERommel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:09:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mrs. Stephenson ain't playin games no more.
FTFY
Foxyfox- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:53:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You laugh, but when I was in middle school kids would sneak in pixie stix for people to snort. It got to the point where the administration banned pixie stix entirely from school property.
Redrum88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:28:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You left out the part where Mikey killed this guy a few days later for selling his some off brand shit.
TheInvaderZim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I knew, like, 5 Mikeys in high school, and they were all total fucking douchenozzles.
Seriously, fuck Mikey.
burgundybear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened at my high school but with banned sodas like Code Red and Throwback Mountain Dew. Dude made a killing. A little bit less respectable when you're in 11th grade though...
GlitteringJewCat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend named Mikey who has diabetes and celiac disease. He always brings candy to work, so one day we decided to tape him up in his office chair, drive to his house, and take all of his candy. I am an utter asshole and deserve no friends.
sillysidebin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Recess reference ftw
liarandahorsethief ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Right'chea, right'chea! Got that Cookies n' Cream right'chea!"
LevelHeadedAssassin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey eats anything...
Mr_Question ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to make movies with you... Lets do this shit
Confused_Erection ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Recess..ion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*that shit you need.
switchfall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:07:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was actually like this at my school, but with Pokemon cards.
OrSomething ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:26:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just imagining Mikey from Recess here.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man that reminds me so much of Recess the show, that was the best
LogoTanFlip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin' Mikey
Kn8243 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:12 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like there was a recess episode around this...channeling my inner 90's kid
Brockster53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:10 on May 17, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Anybody else think of this as a recess reference, or is it just me?
supermaor23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is hilarious because I have a friend named Mikey and hes really fat
JigglypuffPC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i laughed and then gleeked all over my keyboard
Micokerts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
PT 2.
"Yo Mickey, I got the stash you got the cash? "
" yeah dog, I was hoping I could get, I don't know maybe double, same price "
" ey man don't try and fuck me over you know how the game goes"
"yeah I do and I want double, same price, or else the teacher is gonna find a little something more than sand in the sand box if you catch my drift "
"Mickey don't do me like this. It doesn't have to be this way. I heard they were doubling up on hall guards, if they catch you with that big of a stash they'll thing you're the one selling"
"oh yeah, well fuck you, double, same price "
" Okay Mickey, but your fat ass is gonna regret it... "
To be continued.
I_HATE_CIRCLEJERKS ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:00:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You from Ohio?
Dlockett ยท 525 points ยท Posted at 04:16:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think that was the entire point of writing it like that. It felt very "Breaking Bad"esque
jbondyoda ยท 522 points ยท Posted at 05:19:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Now say my name" "Candy kid" "You're god damn right"
Cerdoken ยท 165 points ยท Posted at 08:11:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jamesss1991 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody give this man gold
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:03:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's like if Recess came back and spoofed Breaking Bad.
DoctorWSG ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:00:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...and now I miss Recess.
noniwashere123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:50:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's "Sweet Tooth McKandy Kidd" to you.
suchislifemyfriend ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:40:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*Battenberg
Cheifer176 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:55:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You bastard, it's 2:53 am, I'm supposed to be asleep, and you just made me muffle my laugh into my pillow very unsuccesfully!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:59:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This rock candy is 98% pure
ImSuccession ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:59:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ Marie, they're minerals
kyle47 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:52:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Willy Wonka"
J1MEONE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"I am the one who knocks off confectionery"
RagingVoodooSorcerer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:19:00 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"My mom would beat me if I said the D word. So I'll just say gosh dang."
Duelist1010 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Los Chocolate de Candy
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:07:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
More like season 4 of The Wire.
ovoKOS7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:24:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yeh 'cause drug related
fuckmatt ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:35:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
thanks bud
elephantoe3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:23:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Except hopefully the seller doesn't have cancer. No one wants kids to have cancer.
bktj600 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:27:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should read Freakonomics. The story about the economist who did research on a local gang and their drug running is a lot more interesting in how the money flows and who actually makes decent money.
HunterTV ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:50:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or The Wire.
well_golly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:25:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I picture a 14 year old with acne and a squeaky voice that keeps cracking, saying:
"I am the one who knocks !"
ANGLVD3TH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We need a Fillmore spinoff now, Breaking Blowpops.
StormyJMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:40:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"I am the one who eats."
thatonephotoshopguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:18:57 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The best blow pops were the blue ones
jlm25150 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:26 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kafkaesque
BlaineWinchester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kafkaesque?
greentide008 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:41:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Candy is a drug.
PunishableOffence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sugar is definitely a drug.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2235907/
swishandswallow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In school, first you get the candy, then you get the power, then you get the women
ToStringMethod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:11:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Especially the part where the middle schoolers were cutting Fun-Dip with baby laxative.
TeHokioi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My primary school had a kid going around selling Raro (powdered cordial) in little ziplock bags... didn't go down well when the teachers found out there was a kid selling powder in little bags for $1.50 each (would probably make close to $20 off a single packet of Raro)
gotta-jibboo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's the joke
Guyinapeacoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now all that has to happen is one kid, suffering from awful grades who knows he's going to get expelled, decides to take what he learned from making confections in his garage with his dad, and create his own candy.
His candy is known to be the purest, and the sweetest, and it is known by its distinctive blue color...
gingersnaps96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Those OG kids were pretty much cartel bosses.
squamesh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My brother used to go to a real ghetto school (there was a fight on the hood of my mom's car on his first day there) and apparently there were both drug dealers and candy dealers (who would steal candy then sell it). The problem was that there was no way to distinguish between the two.
So one day my brother, who was looking to buy some weed, is acossted by a kid. So they go to a kind of secluded area and my brother asks, "so what've you got man."
To which the kid replies, "Man, I got Hershey's. I got Kit-kats..."
Rice_Daddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or just business in general.
reddit858 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man, these are some really enterprising kids.
servohahn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not just drugs, but any commodity market, really. Those poor kids that caught holding the bag when the market crashed... most recently, it'd be people that bought homes in 2006-2007. I mean people's lives were utterly destroyed over that nonsense.
DragonStriker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd watch this movie
LibraryDrone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
it's what happened to pokemon cards on the school playground when they were banned.
CodeplayerX ยท 504 points ยท Posted at 04:35:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If the school simply legalized the candy and sold their own, the black market would crash and they could open up jobs, and bring in more money through tax or you know... something...
[deleted] ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 07:39:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school did this with the special class. They also made terribly undercooked cookies that were delicious cause they were essentially warm cookie dough.
sbetschi12 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:26:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mmmm . . . were they about twice the size of normal cookies with massive chocolate chunks in them? If so, my school had those, too. I blame my addiction to them for my teenage chunkiness. (Since I had been active in athletics all my life, it must have been the cookies that packed on the pounds. That and the Oreo's cookies and cream bars. Drool.)
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:15:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They were before communist socialist fascist Michelle Obama put limits on our lunches.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:29:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They could impose import quotas, add tariffs, and subsidize domestic suppliers so that the price to the consumer is lowered while increasing demand and lowering prices. That way our domestic suppliers can become more efficient overtime and compete with foreign suppliers and create jobs back at home.
JenATaylia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:41:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Candy Crash tm
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:00:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Legalise candy!
HoochieKoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:44:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Naw, throw them all in juvenile prisons because we know that works.
mildiii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My middle school did the same thing. Ended up with an after school candy store. Cept they let late pick up kids run it. So what would end up happening is the kids running it would just skim of the top and eat candy. Watchamacallits were my preference. I would just take them. There were some honest kids who were pretty annoyed but honestly, Asian kids with good grades get away with a lot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...and maybe exit with an IPO in a few years
BrassMonkeyChunky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back then, they probably could. But if it's anytime after (roughly) 2002ish (in the US) schools have some pretty strict guidelines as to what food/candy products that they can and can't sell.
unique3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on price. Our school sold cans of pop for $1 so I went and bought from Costco for about 20c a can and sold them for 50c. I even insulated a spare locker next to mine and brought in ice so they were cold, I moved a couple cases worth a day and had enough to buy lunch everyday and my own unlimited supply of pop.
The teachers didn't really care and even bought from me because it was a long walk to the cafeteria between classes and I had a great location.
GodFather420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My school did this by putting in a school store that sold candy, soda, and just about everything else. It was run by students with the marketing teacher as supervisor. Turns out kids steal and the store had to close. The few kids who stayed on the black market made so much money that year.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yes, but eating sweets is not something the school should encourage
BFDrillSargeant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plus they could blacklist all those crazy kids with diabetes and mental disorders that are at risk of flipping out in school. They don't need a sugar rush on top of their health risks or mental instability!
Wonderful_Toes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's almost as if the government could learn from these kids and their games!
[deleted] ยท 386 points ยท Posted at 04:10:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of those things that makes my childhood feel bland.
DontUseThat ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 06:42:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too man. This dude was living a real-life episode of "Recess" and I was having vegetables cut up for me by my rents.
RoadCrossers ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:05:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Be glad. When I was about 16, a few kids in my year poisoned a teacher with 10 laxative pills. She had to stay in the hospital for a day and police were involved. Not a fun time as the other teachers gave every student crap about it until it blew over. And it wasn't even funny.
noclipn1nja ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:05:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Heh
BATTLES_PEOPLE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's not too late!
superbatranger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. I went to a fucking private Christian school.
starlinguk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, the exciting stuff that happened in my high school comprises the following:
A guy rang the school saying he'd planted a bomb. This was to protest the fact that the boys did not have Phys Ed. that day. Seriously.
A teacher died of a heart attack during an open evening, right in front of a first year.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is it really? I'm a sophomore right now and things like this happen all the time. Not as extensive as the story, but kids selling candy to funraise/make profit is a common occurrence. One guy in my Precal class buys a box of cookies from Kroger for like nine bucks and resells 3 cookies/1 dollar.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I could do that Withought getting in trouble. Sadly, I do not have the resources to get to a place like sam's club and actually buy stock on the down low.
nickelbackisbad ยท 594 points ยท Posted at 04:13:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
This reads like a scene from a Scorsese movie. Imagine Ray Liotta saying all this over a montage of all the scenes with some rolling stones in the background
EDIT: My first gold, thanks!
KimJongTrilllllllll ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 06:41:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the principal? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the teachers, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy's gotta come up with Paulie's money every week no matter what. Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you ran outta blow pops? Fuck you, pay me. You missed the fucking bus? Fuck you, pay me."
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:00:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
SwamiDavisJr ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:17:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh right, fuck, I was just picturing the montage with scenes of like stones rolling down a hill or some shit spliced in.
graham6942 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:11:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thats even better.
Lyonhart ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:08:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful.
tron1500 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:48:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is genius
SwamiDavisJr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:19:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yo best screen name ever
greatscott19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you dropped this "
BlueDaysBlackNights ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:34:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"As far back as I remember, I always wanted to sell candy."
SuddenlyFrogs ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:31:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because it's middle school, though, half the class would be Joe Pesci.
MisterFatt ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:31:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking more of the Community episode Contemporary American Poultry, but thats probably because its an episode that is an homage to Goodfellas (and others of the genre) where they're selling Chicken Fingers on campus.
FoolOnThePlanet91 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:25:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Then a montage of all the candy dealers being rounded up and sent the principal's office as the piano part from Layla plays in the background.
The principal, with a small band of teachers in tow, walks down the hall. They stop at a classroom door. The camera cuts to inside the classroom, the main candy kid is selling to a couple of students. The door opens and he raises his hands into the air slowly, accepting his defeat.
And all because that stupid girl needed her god damn lucky hat.
thedude37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...and now it's all over.
TrepanationBy45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:25:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ray Liotta narrates the story of his childhood candygang ala The Wonder Years/Sandlot.
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:56:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome. As an aside ray Liotta needs to be in more things again
cadet_hoskin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:37:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FIL* he will be in the Sin City sequel due out in August.
*Friday I learned
Lothar_Ecklord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to sell Blow Pops
Tom38 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
With a scene showing a young Joe Pesci intimidating another young Deniro!
aprofondir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well he was Tommy Vercetti in GTA Vice City..
samzplourde ยท 349 points ยท Posted at 04:22:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TL;DR: 8th grade got turned into a pseudo-drug market with candy because of Sam's Club's amazing deals.
JCAPS766 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:12:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now imagine Sam Walton (founder of Walmart) in the style of Tony Montana.
dexmonic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised you got over 250 upvotes for simply repeating what he said
ILikeCatsAnd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, he was keen to emphasize how fantastic Sam's Club's deal are
bozimusPRIME ยท 660 points ยท Posted at 02:27:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Very entertaining.
onewhitelight ยท 393 points ยท Posted at 04:51:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually a really good analogy of supply and demand.
qs12 ยท 643 points ยท Posted at 05:26:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say it's the real thing, not just an analogy.
goatcoat ยท 384 points ยท Posted at 05:45:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reality is like reality.
syflox ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:09:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dammit Jaden...
anthony81212 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:21:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa.
oh_sempai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:45:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's a nice analogy!
Vonkilington ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, sweet analogy.
mudmaniac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All cool and edgy and real like.
ClintonHarvey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Calm down Jaden.
goodatcounting123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
the real world's kinda like Real World
Beopenminded16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I should really get a gif of the George bush look-a-like from Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo bay when he says "you just blew my fucking mind." Would've made this comment a lot tidier.
MuffTheMagicDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But are our eyes real!? Are they?
3asin3speech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Almost. Reality can be too bizarre sometimes. I call "fake!"
extendobro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Woah. Damn dude.
ThePurpleEyeStabber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reality is like reality, but more real.
AlexPlane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:05 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
meh. the book was better
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The two are almost indistinguishable.
DawnsBreaker45 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:39:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/woahdude
spoils_of_bore ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
insert [10] guy meme here
porterhorse ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:53:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It is a good metaphor for an analogy
10thTARDIS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Economist here. Yup, this is a perfect example of supply and demand.
Kivins13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Preach.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
cynthiadangus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:18:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Think about it: candy goes for a way awesomer price in school because of supply and command.
Tuss ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 04:01:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like a pyramid scheme.
TheManAround ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:29:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No Hank, it's a triangle
9thFloorMensRoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shut up Marie
TheManAround ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
King of the Hill reference, not Breaking Bad. But whatever man, both shows are great :D
9thFloorMensRoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:28:18 on May 31, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My bad!
Phreakiedude ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No. They are minerals !!
ndstumme ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:41:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Except that actual goods were involved.
Tuss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A pyramidscheme do actually have real goods. It can be everything from blueberrysoup that can cure cancer to normal coffee machines. In pyramidscheme you have to:
Buy the goods yourself
Sell the goods to your friends
Get your friends involved in the scheme.
There is always one person who starts it. He is always that one person who has pyramidschemes as his profession. He usually has a few companions that always follows him into the new thing and it's these people that starts the real chain.
They attract a friend. Friend gets into it. Has to buy his own goods to sell. Friend then has to attract his own friends to buy from him and eventually get in on it themselves.
FreddyFish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:26:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's not. There are only suppliers and kids distributing it further towards other kids. It's a sustainable model based on the direct exchange of goods - it's not based on empty promises.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sounds like my drug dealer
kidblue672 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because it is. Like the drug trade, the candy trade is a pyramid scheme of drug(candy) lords, to suppliers, to dealers
LaughingJackass ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:32:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And now...you should sell this story to anyone who teaches Economics.
Poiter54 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:31:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I did this out of our lockers, our product of choice were tequila suckers (50% migrant Mexican population) and Carmel apple pops. Bought in bulk, he family owned a marketa. We made a killing for 2-3 weeks before the principle stopped it.
Nodri ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:52:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We did a similar thing in high school. I used to live in a little town and my dad went to the city to buy supplies each week. I met a guy that moved from US to this town in Mexico and he had a CD burner when they were very rare. So we did business for a while, I would supply overpriced blank CDs from the city and he would burn them with the content the buyer requested. Lasted for a while, then some PC repair shops started offering the service and we stopped.
I also used to sell study guides for the hard classes were if you failed got your money back. The trick on making profit was selling all of them at once to avoid someone just copy the documents.
Smokeswaytoomuch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:20:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's funny because I did this exact same thing all through high school, except with cigarettes heh.
Back then every morning I acquired a packet of peter Jackson 30's virginia (16mg) for $9.45.
I would sell 20 cigarettes for $10 (50c a piece) then pocket the other 55c and storing those other 10 smokes.
After a few weeks I figured out by buying cartons for almost half the price (per smoke) and price increase to $1 each and I was still selling 4 packs a day.
Each year in January the price of smokes went up but I still had a great profit and kept selling all through high school and never paid for a cigarette again. I accidentally funded my first business selling built computers at 16 with the profits from selling cigarettes.
I got challenged a few times by other sellers but they always got caught or was too open about it. I had that shit down pat.
Shit these days a packet of peter Jackson 30's is around $24 (.80c a smoke) I wonder what the kids in school these days are charging?
danguy226 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:24:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
During grade school my friends and I would trade airsoft bbs. There were always some laying around the playground as it was a hot spot for the local older kid's airsoft wars. There were an assortment of colors and each one had a different value. Eventually kids started using airsoft bbs to buy things such as pencils and what not. These bbs ended up powering a student economy. Inflation and deflation ended up having an impact on prices as the value of a bb was based on how scarce of a color it was. There was a time where there was a shortage of bbs and entire classes were disenfranchised as a certain group of kids had control over most of the bb supply. Later there was a massive devaluation of bbs when certain kids started buying bbs at stores. These outside bbs flooded the market and ended up destroying the system. This event, known as "The Flood", ended bb trading at my school for several years.
DRHARNESS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:30:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit dude i wish i was there taking notes it be like, economics thesis already done.
BlakeBurna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:13:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've read the story before...
MrDNL ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:11:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've posted it before.
BlakeBurna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a good story. Others may not have seen it yet. So it's all good.
super__nova ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:45:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
College-worth Economics IRL
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:19:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Loved the read and style of writing!
MrDNL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. I write a lot!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:34:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This made me realize one thing: my middle school was so fucking boring.
officer21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:43:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We smoked smartee's. Grind them up, inhale, exhale.
ILLIODIC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
People sniffed koolaid at my middle school. Wtf?
Manadox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Economics, ladies an gentlemen!
OniTan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And that kid's name was Gus Fring.
THEMrBurke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you haven't you need to watch the Boondocks episode "the faundraiser"
slaughterproof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That happened at my school too. I think that's probably happened at every school at some point.
puppyciao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you just describing the beginning of Milk Money?
Jaiar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the story that was pretty similar to this but was OP and his friends selling at lunch, and bribing the security guard and stuff.
thenumber24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of a tweet I saw from Johnny cupcakes (the clothing line owner) talking about how in high school he sold candy out of his backpack and made more money than some kids who were selling weed.
JesusSavesAtWalMart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in middle school there was a BJs wholesale club near where my brother lived but not near us, so I used to stock up on Blow Pops and Big Red. I was the only kid with access to wholesale candy so I owned the whole market. Even factoring in all of the candy I gave to girls I had a crush on, I made a killing. When the principal finally put the smack down on my operation he didn't even try to hide how impressed he was with my business acumen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We had the same thing, but we had gum.
Weedhopper82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome. I got in on the Pog craze back in the day (mid to early 90s) and dealt some pogs and slammers during school back in the day. I pretty much had the slammer market locked down until our middle school cracked down.
GreyingMantis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You just knew shit was boutta hit the fan after "But this kid had way too much candy to do that."
You just didn't know how much shit was gonna hit that fan.
flyingliz45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This pretty happened on a much smaller scale, and for longer during my middle school days, but with packs of gum. started selling a piece for a quarter, occasionally 50 cents to a desperate buyer. then started giving a couple kids a pack a day or so and they would bring back the profits with a little to keep. made close to 100-150 bucks real quick doing that.
jgwink2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
These kids are either successful businessmen or successful drug dealers now.
crazycatperson1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: Your friend now runs a pyramid scheme.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You guys probably learned more useful life information from this than you did in your classes during that time.
jtroye32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Before CD burners were common, my brother and I made bank by selling custom music mixes in high school. Bought an $800 Plextor drive and charged $10 a disc; business exploded by word of mouth alone. We were kings among men.
PattonPending ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your childhood sounds like an episode of Recess.
Participant_1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
the story of tulips.
deputydickbag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So when you say candy, you mean drugs?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
MrDNL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, and I'm about three to four years older than you are.
Mechfire11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I kinda call bullshit since its too amazing to be true but theres no real way you could supply evidence so whatevs
cregory83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like that just taught me more than my Economics class did.
StupidGeek00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Used to do this, found a convenience store with a really good price on gummy worms and sour gummy worms and things like that and resold them for 3 times the price for a while. Then would take part of that and buy more and pocket some of the cash.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school we sold Mexican lollipops, I'd buy 'em for 25ยข & sell them from 50ยข to $1.50 a piece. c:
tomorrowisyesterday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No joke, I sold Sams Club crybabies on the bus. I'm wondering if we went to the same school.
petrichors ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm seriously thinking that my brother was part of this candy cartel. He had a tacklebox he would carry around in middle school with change/cash and the assortment of candy and he would flip it open to sell. He made bank. He had "henchmen" to do all his dirty work and we were in Sam's club buying boxes of assorted candy each week.
Sourkraut182 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My middle school was similar but our drug of choice was cider powder. Completely sold out the snack bar at lunch almost everyday. Most would just eat it plain, but some would snort it. No idea why they would do that...
econ1219 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What's this kid doing now?
Secres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I sure as hell wouldn't be surprised if a couple of these kids actually became drug dealers.
AsaKurai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is how economics should be taught in school
cjh93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of hustler kid from recess.
Canadaismyhat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Starring Michael Douglas
FightingGravityAgain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's some wolf of wall street type shit
MrSignalPlus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your story could make such a good kids movie
MrDNL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think someone should option it.
fa_cube_itch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For me it was jolly rancher lollipops. I used to sell them and take the money to buy CDs in middle school (does that show my age? lol). My school had to crack down on candy sales because of me. Now all schools in the district have policies about outside food being sold in schools.
callmepantsplz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thought this sounded familiar! I read it three months ago when you posted it. Still an excellent story.
Opinie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
OP, I submitted this as a story suggestion to planet money. Hope they pick it up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend used to buy Monster energy drinks when they went on sale for 1.50 a piece. Trashy kids WILL pay 2.50 for a damn drink. I'm a sweet tooth myself but holy shit.
morbidmammoth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was expecting the last sentence to be:
That kid was me.
MrDNL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, I played the by the rules. :(
Newsuperstevebros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Say my name."
"Timmy."
"You're god damn right."
darkenedgy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This reads straight out of Catch-22. Awesome.
thebritishkid87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All in the game yo...all in the game
Henrywinklered ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My middle school did this with Listerine Strips and jerky.
bzzltyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did a similar thing with those cheap necklaces you got out of the grocery store 25 cent machines. At the time having one earring was very popular for guys, only In the fourth grade no boys were allowed to have their ears pierced. I would buy one chain necklace for a quarter, then take each link off and sell it as a clip on earring for a quarter. The margins were huge and I never told anyone where I got them from so I was able to run it awhile, until fucking parent/teachers conference ruined it. You couldn't keep your mouth shut mr nahakian could you?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah right, that didn't fucking happen.
cinnamon_oats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in middle school there was a kid that used to sell this white powder called giggles. From a distance it looked a hell of a lot like coke when it was actually just kool aid and crushed candy. You can imagine what happened when the teachers got wind of it.
amperita ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if the teachers knew the whole time what was going on and designed rules to produce the exact economic structure evolutions that occurred so as to teach you all complicated economics.
Ibetfatmanbet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If by candy you mean drugs, then I can totally see that happening.
shakakka99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The best thing about this? I'll bet it taught you more about supply, demand, and basic economics than ANY course you took in school EVER would.
Inadvertently, you also learned an equal amount about the drug trade.
Moscamst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Wire: The Early Years
starhaven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If I was your teacher I'd have given you extra credit for initiative and learning about business by applying it in the real world with risk, reward and hard work.
Alreadyhaveone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why, but I love this so much
1000hipsterpoints ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why would teachers get people in trouble for that?
ZenLionheart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Best one in the thread. Congratulations.
DJFlabberGhastly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, real talk, I was the candy selling guy in my middle school. Same thing, got the Sam's club bulk. For my middle school, pixie sticks and starburst were some of the hottest items. Simply could not keep the starburst in stock. Oh man, I hadn't thought about that in ages. I usually hustled out of my locker between periods. Solo operation, small time. Didn't attract any racket.
The_Whole_World ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I really feel like this should be an economic study. Awesome story!
Morque ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me and a friend did the exact same thing with gum when we were in middle school. I went on to deal real drugs in high school so hey, maybe a gateway?
jabathegaba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got diabetes by reading that.
MattxAus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You'd be hard pressed to find a single school that didn't at least do this with cans of soft drink being sold out of lockers.
ace_blazer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Boondocks episode "The Fundraiser" comes to mind...
HUNG_AS_FUCK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this except we were the only ones. It was easy in my school because we had a healthy food policy so the school didnt sell soda or unhealthy food. Anyway, we started by selling cocacola for $1.50 a can. We would buy a 30 box for $20 in the morning, so we would sell a box a day, making $45, or $25 profit per day. Anyway, we progressed on to candy etc and were easily making $200 per week. We purchased a locker in the cafeteria and literally had a queue at our locker everyday to buy this stuff. A teacher found out and even purchased candy from us to supply his class! Anyway it became too much effort so we stopped to focus on our studies a little more but it was definitely a good investment!
Felrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to save this
IRnifty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
With all the schools cracking down on sugary product sales, I'm surprised a teacher hasn't started an underground cupcake dealing ring and call it Baking Bad or something.
Billabonged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Then you go on to high school and instead of candy, its weed.
Zimmer602 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did this with bouncy balls, a package at wal-mart was a dollar that contained 7 regular sized balls and 1 over sized. Charged $.50 for regular and $1 for large, which due to rarity jumped up to as much as $3 at times. Other kids tried to mimic me but they could only find those machines that sell one at a time for as much as I was selling them for. Business was good, kids started using them as currency and at lunch they started giving me their food instead of cash which was greater income potential as long as I needed food and I could pocket the money mom and dad gave me. Kids always lost them too so I had a pretty lengthy rule in the bouncy ball industry. The teachers were impressed with the economy I generated and a lot encouraged it as a learning experience. The kill card was when parents found out that the kids were spending money on balls and not food and when they ended up in a toilet they would not flush.
The ratio of time invested:profit was higher than my current job during those lunch periods.
Plkjhgfdsa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Funny, this is how weed was sold in my high school, as well.
28581747 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Slightly off topic but in high school there were kids going around selling DVDs of films still out in theaters. For most internet savvy people, downloading cams was nothing new, but they claim to be DVD quality. Unless it was a leaked print copy, how did they get DVD quality shit?
So I bought a DVD for $5 and took it home to watch, and the quality was God awful. I'd seen cams before but it was unwatchable.
So I confronted the seller and he told me out must have been DVD quality because it was on a DVD. Furious, I spent the entire lunch period explaining to him about bitrate, file size, "the scene," the difference between torrents, irc, and nbzs, until it snapped that he didn't give a shit as long as he made guys $5.
I was just livid that he didn't care at all about the amazing technology being used, the amount of work people went into to create these videos, and the correct terminology for the industry. He didn't deserve to earn this money when he was disrespecting the scene and selling for a profit no less.
In the end I let him keep his empire, but deep down I knew he was undeserving of it.
MLGxBanana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is how drug dealing works
Snatcharelli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This felt like a South Park episode while reading.
sdtwo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To add to the story of pseudo drug dealing candy rings in school, I used to go down to Mexico a few times a month to pick up Mexican candy. I would jack up the price quite a bit and then sell it at school. Made a good amount of money but the market got flooded fairly quickly.
TheMaxican93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I swear every middle school has a candy scammer. At my school, one of the biggest fundraisers was to sell lip shaped lollipops around Valentines day at $3 a pop. Me and a friend ordered a bunch using his older brother's credit card and sold them for a dollar. We made $150 each, which in middle school is quite a lot.
Escobeezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a business student and am taking an economics class at the moment. I found this way more entertaining then normal (I'm guessing).
MrDNL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:22:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have an BA in economics so I get why :)
HipsterHedgehog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think the funniest thing about this story is how the kids would rather sell the candy than fucking eat it lol
I_Cant_Stop_Putin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your middle school literally created its own perfect micro representation of the free market system complete with distributors and inflation leading to super inflation. This is astounding and very illustrative. Wow.
TheTenthRegen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy would buy big boxes of skittles and let me sell some. I made a little profit, for every four I sold I got a dollar. [25% and each bag was sold for a dollars so I made 25 cents a bag]
AaronRodgers16 ยท 1175 points ยท Posted at 02:59:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Our 70 year old teacher told everyone that he was sick and multiple faculty vouched for how sick he looked. Our drama class (he taught drama), was worried since he looks on the verge of death, especially for a 70 year old. Since it was one of the last days of school and we often went to Starbucks during class as kind of a tradition we went to Starbucks on the second day he was gone. We walked in and low and behold, our drama teacher is completely fine and in Starbucks. He sees us, has an "Oh Shit" look, and says "we'll talk about this next week". He missed the rest of the week, which was this week, and we'll find out the story Monday. It's gonna be an interesting drama class on Monday now
jumpback22122 ยท 746 points ยท Posted at 03:58:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And that kids... Is what we call acting!
Slenderauss ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 05:06:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He failed to stay in character though! Who gave this guy a job?
gregpxc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:52:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody, that's why he teaches.
Slenderauss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
writes that one down
Kiloku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you and everyone who spreads that sentiment.
pass_isnt_pass ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:35:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Acting
fungalduck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:47:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Uhhh... 'TA DA'!...
Bazrum ยท 486 points ยท Posted at 04:10:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I wanna hear the end of this so please update after drama class drama on Monday!
Sounds like what my principle did.
When I was in fourth grade my family went to Mexico, but I had to miss school to go. My principle approved it because I promised to make a scrap book to prove the trip was 'educational'. The day before we left my mom heard that he was 'deathly sick' and had been bedridden for a few days and would be for another week.
Anyway we leave for Mexico and on our third day there we went to some place about an hour away. I look up see my principle and he sees me. He raised his finger to his lips 'shh' and walked (sprinted) away.
Got back home and saw him to present my scrap book and he just waved it away and said 'good job, you didn't see me, have a lollipop'.
Best trip ever.
Tldr: principle faked extreme illness and went to Mexico after allowing me to miss school to go to Mexico;saw him partying it up and got a lollipop to keep it on the down low.
EDIT: to all of you geniuses who corrected my grammar, I'm on a phone with shitty auto correct and frankly I don't care that much.
RidleyOReilly ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 07:17:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Huh. So after you asked your principal heard about your family trip, he decided "that sounds nice, I'll go to the same place they're going!" and packed his sunscreen?
AbigailRoseHayward ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:19:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It might have already been planned.
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 05:28:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*principal
wax147 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:25:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A fuckton of people make this mistake. Wtf?
skiddie2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:27:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How can you forget? He's your pal!
3asin3speech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He missed that week! :-D
Octacle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:31:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
AaronRodgers16 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:24:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll tell you how it goes Monday
lambor009 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same
Dawnof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I also want to know!
letsgofightdragons ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:12:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too!
Thiswhatyawanted ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 09:43:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell me as well.
Invoqwer ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:56:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have a biscuit, Potter.
bradyo2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:19:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
principal, it's PRINCIPAL
davepepe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
'Lollipop'
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:26:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I spelled that correctly. Now can you tell me if I spelled 'antagonistic' correctly?
HoochieKoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: He was in Mexico to stalk you.
Brofessor101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Lollipop"
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Like I said:it's correct
Brofessor101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I read your edit, people really get bothered by grammar errors.. Let's just do it on purpose
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Auto correct does it for me!
Qikdraw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm giving you an upvote for that bit alone.
Glad you had an awesome principle. They really can make a good bit of difference to students. My grade 5 principle was great. I got sent to his office quite often for not doing homework and he would work on it with me. Then one day I blew up at my teacher and said "Shut up you bitch!" (really really loud, they could hear it down the hall, this was also in 1981, so mouthing off to a teacher like that was a huge no no), she tells me to 'Come down to the office young man', I say no, she storms off and the principle comes in a few minutes later. He takes me down to his office, sits me down and says "We all blow our tops from time to time", and that was the only thing he said about that. I really liked him and I was sad he wasn't there the next year.
Bazrum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I've had a lot of good principles over the years. The best part is that the one in my story is still there almost 10 years later!
One assistant principle I had gave me a summer job working at a kids camp. He was one of the co-owners and he saw me applying and said "you're a good kid, your teachers speak well of you and you've never been to see me. When can you start?" He was the best boss ever.
MuffTheMagicDragon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:04:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That principle? Albert Einstein.
Sookye ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:48:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DOWNVOTE FOR NOT CARING ABOUT GRAMMAR
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your grammar isn't so hot either. A sentence composed entirely of caps is hard to read and almost every single grammar teacher(english teachers) I've had said it's not acceptable.
Sookye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
NO THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE ON THE INTERNET IF YOU WANT TO SOUND SHOUTY AND STUPID
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I CAN YELL TOO BUT YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL, SOMETIMES COMPUTERS CAN GET STUCK LIKE THIS. THEY ATTACH A VIRUS TO YOU AND YOU CARRY IT WITH YOU FOREVER INFECTING MORE COMPUTERS! YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE, IT HAPPENED TO MY BROTHER!
AaronRodgers16 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:09:01 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For those who wanted a follow-up, I went to class today and we asked him about it. He still claims he was very sick and that his daughter was taking him to the doctor and they just happened to stop at Starbucks on the way to the doctor. He then proceeded to yell at us for going instead of having a study hall, and said if he was a good teacher we all would have got detention. Honestly it seems like he just wanted to spend time with his daughter but for some reason he's still insistent on lying even though it's almost definitely BS
Owlover6127 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:59:28 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that was slightly disappointing tbh, but thanks OP for telling us the promised follow up!
AaronRodgers16 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:55 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome
jumpback22122 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:59:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And scene.
SomalianRoadBuilder ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:32:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he shouldn't have gone to Starbucks if he knew the class often went there as a tradition. What an idiot.
AaronRodgers16 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:39:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On Monday I'll post what happens in this thread under this comment
Owlover6127 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
oh man i am so intrigued. noe i have something to look forward to xD
Darkar123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I HAVE to know what happens next!
okdanasrsly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
as someone who teaches theater, i find this story very entertaining!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can you pm us the story? Or notify us when it's up?
LarrysMod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We need updates
thebeardedpotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You better deliver on the ending to this story!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP will surely deliver right?
marchingmilde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why's it always the drama classes where the kids leave during them to go to Starbucks? I'm in theatre now as a junior, and my class is 50% watching musicals and 50% kids ditching to go to Starbucks.
TheEvilGerman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:09:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I need to know how this will end.
NotSpartacus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:39:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, do a favor and let me know when you post the update to this. You can't just leave us hanging like this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pulls a sickie, goes to starbucks
Something tells me Mr. Chips wanted to be caught.
KaWei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:57:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please update us somehow!
Kimimaro146 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Totally saving this comment. You better deliver.
HazzaTheAlmighty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I must mnkw
ErlendJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:27:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP, you better deliver tomorrow!
intangiblesniper_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For future reference, its "lo and behold."
rdy2go4sure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've tagged you as "Has a story to finish..."
ivSuffocate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting because I want to check back for an update.
MGLLN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
3mon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I downvoted, will change for an upvote whe OP delivers!
Owlover6127 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:56 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
he delivered!
3mon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:59 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
how boring, you shouldn't have told me, now i have to upvote :-(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bet you thought I was dying. Acting.
greenmask ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you have to follow through with this. please
leinaD_natipaC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's prime drama right there.
keyree10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting... Please do not forget.
GOODIceCream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:30 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
pbbpwns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:59 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please update us on this!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:58 on May 25, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
AaronRodgers16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:34 on May 26, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I replied to my comment, you should be able to see it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:39 on May 25, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
AaronRodgers16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:46 on May 26, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I replied to my comment, you should be able to see it
aaronhowser1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:09 on July 26, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Op pls
CDC_ ยท 1582 points ยท Posted at 02:01:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be a local musician in the Charlotte, NC area. I wasn't huge or anything, but I played a couple of big shows. One night I was opening for an act I really respected and admired (national act). It was a pretty surreal night. People actually bought CDs from me, and a few even asked me to sign them. Being a local musician can be a depressing and very disheartening experience. It's very rare to actually make it, and paying gigs can be difficult to come by. That night I was on the tip top of my game. I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks. I'd had quite a few beers and me and my friends were all just kind of basking in the evening. I would call the state I was in "very drunk." Not quite shitfaced, I could still string sentences together and make sense. I could walk without stumbling (much) but I certainly wouldn't have driven or tried to call my wife and pretend to be sober.
Our DD drove us back home, it was about a 45 minute drive. We stopped off at a gas station. I walk in, ask for some gas, get some chips and head back to the car. There is a black SUV parked out front and 2 guys sitting in it, I walk passed them. The guy driving (a white dude) says "hey man." I look over at him. He points to his friend riding shotgun and says "didn't you play at Tremont tonight?"
"Sure did."
"This guy wants to beat my ass, you think you can take him?"
"Huh?"
"You think you can take him? You got my back."
The black dude is just dead eying me. He looks very unhappy. I just kinda shrug and say "uh... nah ... y'all work that out yourselves."
I hear him yell and cuss... then as I'm walking back toward my car, I see all of my friends starting to get out, they all look concerned. I turn around and the white guy and black guy from the SUV are like... 2 inches from me. They start shoving me. There's a scuffle, my friends run up to help, but I kind of back away and I start screaming at everyone to get in the car. Most of my friends are drunk too, though, and at this point everyone seemingly wants to fight. I pull one of my friends back, get him in the car, my DD pulls the other one back. It's kind of a blur, but we all manage to get in the car and my DD friend starts the engine.
The black guy gets RIGHT UP to my rolled up window, reaches into his pants, pulls out a pistol and lays it flat against the window, and I believe says "STAY THE FUCK OUT MY CITY, BITCH." Something like that.
I almost pissed myself. It was pretty scary. We pull out, quickly, and as we're pulling into the street I notice 2 cop cars are pulling up. They don't even really look in our direction but both cops got out and were drawing weapons (I was probably 30-50 yards away looking back.)
To this day I haven't the vaguest clue what the fuck I did to offend that guy. I looked up in the local news to see if anyone fitting his description was arrested. Found nothing. Very surreal.
I don't rap anymore, but not because of that. I played a few more shows after that, actually. Still one of my scariest moments.
superpencil121 ยท 2447 points ยท Posted at 03:53:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason it made a lot more sense once you mentioned you were rapping. Weird.
Missy_Elliott_Smith ยท 2663 points ยท Posted at 04:17:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I was picturing a Jack Johnson-type acoustic guy up until the last paragraph.
acloudbuster ยท 419 points ยท Posted at 04:54:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd rather picture this instead. Maybe the white guy is Dave Matthews and the black guy is Darius Rucker.
"STAY THE FUCK OUTTA MY CITY, BITCH. And just let her cryyyyyyyyyyyy."
SirManguydude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know Dave Matthews was one of the Blowfish.
Zaev ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:01:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He's not, but Darius Rucker is.
SirManguydude ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:13:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, Darius is Hootie man.
Zaev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was always under the impression that "Hootie" didn't refer to a person in the band.
Lead singer Darius Rucker derived the name from two friends from college. One had an owlish face and was nicknamed "Hootie", while the other had puffy cheeks and was called "the Blowfish".
SirManguydude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well he is the Frontman, thus he would be Hootie, and his band would be the Blowfish.
IGotBigStuffGoingOn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love you
mommy2libras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, Darius Rucker is totally chill. My sister and I worked one night as local crew, tearing down the stage and packing semis. When we were leaving, Darius walked over to us from where he was drinking and hanging out with a few people. Told us thanks for helping and offered us some beers. We stayed for about an hour, just hanging out and drinking. He was playing music on his iPod and we ended up dancing and singing No Diggety together, lol. It was fun as hell.
burnshimself ยท 1002 points ยท Posted at 04:54:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its because he called himself a "local musician" in Charlotte, NC and he mentions playing "shows". These aren't the typical language you'd associate with a rap act. Most unsigned rappers would call themselves rappers, MCs, etc. rather than "local musician" which we think of as more acoustic, folk, or indie rock types. Also NC gives you that kind of Southern or possible country vibe, although there are heavy rap elements in Charlotte's music scene you don't think of them since he'd referred to himself as a local musician.
zakkarius ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:22:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Works for me
imnotarapperok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Yea, for anyone that isn't from NC, Charlotte is ghetto as hell outside of downtown.
Callawaybros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:36 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would only say Grier Heights and that sort of area is ghetto. That and when you start to get out towards Mount Holly and that sort of region. Most of the area within 4 or 5 miles of Uptown is pretty developed
SomalianRoadBuilder ยท -11 points ยท Posted at 06:20:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
all hip hop performances are called "shows". people almost always say hip hop shows, not hip hop concerts. concerts are for 80s rock bands in stadiums.
LockeWatts ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 06:37:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Concerts are for orchestras, and we play in concert halls.
ProfessionalMartian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:13:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same here. Something about a place called "Charlotte" doesn't make me think of rappers.
canonanon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:36:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Missy Elliott and Elliott Smith are so different LOL
techmeister ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:23:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking more of a generic country singer, but same deal. Made no sense up until 'rapper'.
jjwinder9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was picturing a Synth Indie-Rock band dude with brown semi-curly hair to about his shoulders.
LarrysMod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same here. Maybe he was extra competition.
FireButt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think we all were.
Bananaman420kush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Probably because he said musician. No rapper calls themselves musicians
WhatsAEuphonium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was actually thinking of an instrumentalist, maybe jazz or big band style. Trumpet, trombone, maybe sax. That confused me even more!
penisinthepeanutbttr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So was I..
krunchy7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can you read minds?
420Sheep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or something like epic sax guy.
punisherx2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:35:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man this goddamn honkey up in here killin my vibe
ashmgee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ME TOO! The rapping part threw off what I was envisioning the whole time. He went from jack Johnson type to eminem haha
enotonom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โช can't ya see it's jus rainin'?
there ain't no need to go outside โช
faber541 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw him as an insanely earnest trance act.
acetylcysteine ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:47:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I guess most people don't tie musician and rapper together... I know I didn't because I thought the same thing.
Hesher1 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This.
rarely-sarcastic ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 04:25:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I thought for sure he was a violin player or something.
ScumbagGina ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:38:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My mind went straight to the sitar
KH10304 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He was zithering till the last sentence.
UndeadBread ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:51:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Up-and-coming theremin prodigy.
CalamitousD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:06:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Weird. I went with didgeridoo.
metans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was imagining more like a medieval bard playing a lute
SonicFlash01 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:29:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was the punchline that made it all make sense
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:13:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's a "gangster" culture surrounding rap that doesn't exist to the same level as in other genres.
UndeadBread ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:51:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly you don't listen to much gangsta folk.
mark_ryan2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:52:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yea the whole time I pictured him playing a piano or something classical. I think it was the word "musician"
Don't get me wrong, I love rap. I've just never heard a rapper say "I'm a musician"
CCPearson ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:36:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. The guy in my head went from Seth Rogan with an acoustic guitar to Kid Cudi in a hoodie
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I was expecting blues or rock or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As soon as he said this, I imagined an incredibly white guy reeling off wildly offensive racial slurs on stage in front of a predominantly black audience and every now and again "This is my city bitches, my city!".
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I really thought he was more a rocker up til that point. It didn't make sense for a black man to want to almost kill him.
murmurtoad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*Word.
quadrumvirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same... I guess, when he said he was a musician, I thought like acoustic songwriter type. ha
SoberDreams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:19 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i was laughing so hard through the entirety of this post and you're comment put me over the edge. i'm now crying. congratulations
superpencil121 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're very welcome. Glad to please. It's now my most upvoted comment.
pounds_not_dollars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The entire story just dropped when he said rap. I like rap, just seems more expected if it's a genre that basically glorifies violence.
Zuslash ยท 451 points ยท Posted at 04:11:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Gas stations in Charlotte are home to some of the craziest people and events. My girlfriend and I pulled into a station off independence blvd once and a girl hopped in the backseat bleeding out her mouth screaming for us to chase a black Chrysler 300 that was peeling out of the gas station. He almost hit us on the way out. I grew up outside the US where if someone jumps in your car you jump out so I instinctively noped the fuck out of the car and pulled my girlfriend out aswell. A cop was driving passed while all this was going down so I waved him into the gas station. The girl gets out the car screaming at us for waving down the cop and starts yelling that we beat her and that's why she's bleeding. Cop didn't buy it and asked us what happened. A few bystanders witnessed the whole thing and backed our story. After a statement we we're let go. To this day I am not sure what the situation was all about but I think she was an addict and the guy who peeled out was probably her sugar daddy. I have some crazy stories to tell about this city.
Edit: This appears to have shone a bad light on Charlotte. For the most part South End and Uptown are great places to be. I have lived here about 5 years and I love it here even if I cant get a little boring at times.
Another story for those who are interested.
I was walking up town with some friends after a night of drinking and having fun. We weren't being terribly quiet and we were clearly a bunch of college kids having fun. Out of nowhere a man walks up to us with a very serious look on his face, looks me dead in the eyes and asks if I have any regrets. Being slightly drunk and stupid I told him none whatsoever, that I love life and wished him a good night. He asked me if I was sure. I said yes and kept walking, completely aware of him staring at me as we continued on our way. Within 5 minutes I had completely forgotten about the encounter and was back to having a blast being an idiot college kid.
An hour later we are all driving home. Our DD was sober and we were tightly packed into her car when a city bus t-boned us doing 45 in the city. The bike rack on the front of the bus welded into the side of the car and we spun around the intersection coming to a stop only inches from the corner of a building. I stepped out of the vehicle with only a small bruise on my hip from the seat belt. It was mayham. The entire front of the bus was shattered and torn apart. Our car (an oldsmobile) was a ball of metal. Two were unconscious, one was screaming, the other was crawling around the back of the car looking for his glasses. None of us died yet two sustained broken bones which took a few months to heal. They were removed from the car with the jaws of life and bound to a wheelchair/crutches while they recovered. Myself and two others walked away completely unscathed. It wasn't until months later that I remembered the man who asked me if I had any regrets. It still gives me chills thinking about it. I am almost positive he knew that I would almost die that night. If our car had been even one inch further backwards or forwards when the bus hit chances are we would have all been gravely injured. I'll post another story later tonight for those interested.
LaughingJackass ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:38:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously! I lived an hour away from Charlotte some 8 years ago. A friend of mine happened to drive through Charlotte at night and stopped at a gas station. He totally freaked out seeing the guys hanging around and drove off into the darkness, deciding to fill gas elsewhere.
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
An hour which way? Statesville, Mooresville, and Lincolnton here...
LaughingJackass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:37 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Clemson! I have fond memories of driving through the Asheville mountains. NC is a beautiful place.
Dantron94 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:16:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I met Santa at a gas station in Charlotte. He was in his full get-up driving a Chrysler Sebring with reindeer stickers on the side. I think that's the craziest thing I've seen. A drunk guy trying to fill up his car getting arrested by 12 cops, who had nothing better to do other than come watch, is second. There wasn't a fuss though, so it wasn't a big deal. It all depends on where you go in Charlotte. If you go to Independence, you might see some shit, but for the most part Charlotte's cool. Richmond, Virginia on the other hand, is where it's at.
FastFly67 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:29:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's why you stay far far away from independence...
Sax_named_gustav ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:33:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As a local of the QC, I would love to hear more of your stories. Charlotte always seems very boring.
killerpretzel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not on weekends, especially in the epicenter and uptown. When I was a bouncer at the music factory it was very interesting. If you still live in the QC you should check it out..
Sax_named_gustav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:44 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I definitely will do that
Dark_Seepage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can you dm me any other crazy stories you have about Charlotte? I live abou 15 mins north of the QC and am interested
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 09:32:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
JupiterWhite ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:27:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:24:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck.
Charlotte cops are pretty notorious for being shitty (I have a lot of friends active in the music scene down there) but that is fucking brutal.
Also you are awesome for helping the poor girl.
AbanoMex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:19 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
so the girl was raped? or just badly beaten, did they found the person who did it?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:06 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
AbanoMex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:39 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
poor girl, nothing gets me more angry than when i hear about cases like that.
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:56:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lake Norman represent.
DeaconNuno ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:53:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mental note: do not move to Charlotte.
aethelmund ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:12:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sigh I've always thought Charlotte was a beautiful city, and have often thought of moving there. Now I'm not sure.
AmondaPls ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:54:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Charlotte is not a scary town. It has urban areas, and it is highly populated, so there are some regions that have issues. Homelessness is also a problem (mostly for the homeless, not so much for anyone else- usually a head-down crowd) in some areas, mostly close to uptown, which is where a lot of their resources are found. However, much of Charlotte is peaceful and suburban, I loved every minute I lived there. Any big city will have some shit going down on occasion, but Charlotte really isn't all that wild.
aethelmund ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:09:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I thought! I figured a town that looks that nice couldn't be that bad. I've only been there a few times for less than a day each time and just thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it!
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:58:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haven't y'all heard? Charlotte's a "world class city" now. (eye roll). No, seriously though, /u/AmondaPls is right, it's pretty tame and pretty boring with big shit going down occasionally. Live in South Park, South End, Elizabeth, or Dilworth - or if you're outside of the city, go north and live in Cornelius or Davidson. You'll be fine.
Cerdoken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And now you have a place for all these stories.
sharksblessme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's why all the gas stations in Charlotte are window service after dark.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't leave me hanging.
303darthbobby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, Charlotte. There's no place quite like home.
MSFTs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That wasnt the gas station, that was independence blvd. Shit central
cnosko00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had crazy rednecks circling my car when I was pumping gas and yelling obscenities at me. That was off Albemarle Rd. I don't fill up over there anymore.
Rbaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God dammit, I'm probably moving to Charlotte this Summer...
tingrin87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
there's your problem.
jillay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:37 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is another reason why I refuse to move to Charlotte. I live an hour away and hate going for ANYTHING.
Nick_210 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:34:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Beware the Ides of March
nahfoo ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 03:41:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God fucking damn I busk downtown and almost got in a fight once but your shits crazy
SlimmestShady ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:49:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I dont know why, but I was imagining you playing like smooth jazz. And I was really fucking confused, like just imagine. A jazz player pulling a pistol on you! Then you said you rapped, and the stereotypes rushed back and this made sense. Lol
CDC_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I realized towards the middle of writing that, I had not mentioned what kind of music I make. Realized people might find this incredibly bizarre for a ska show, so I added the part about rapping.
SlimmestShady ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:54:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glad you did, I was imagining a Clarence Clemons, Louis Armstrong figure yelling, "STAY OUT KF MY CITY, BITCH!" I found it rather humorous.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:23:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Charlotte, NC. It's not a bad/dangerous place if you stay out of certain areas. Stay out of the eastside after dark and stay away from Hidden Valley and Freedom drive area all the time. Besides this is actually MY city and I say you're welcome here.
Dantron94 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:21:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! Too many people are trying to shit on Charlotte. It has its sketchy parts just like any other city, but it's just fine on the whole.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome! Honestly even the sketchy areas are mainly just full of people that hit it hard and don't mean anyone any harm. The Hidden Valley Kings used to be a problem but they aren't really around anymore. Most of it's just druggies and wannabe gangsters lol. Charlotte is good because of the fact that there aren't many major gangs fighting over turf and what not. You got your drug dealers but CMPD knows where most of it is centered and does a pretty good job of keeping it confined to those areas. Hell just near my house the city is finally tearing down what used to be Castlewood apartments. Those were some of the roughest apartments in the city, so they are making a lot of improvements.
guitarguy4511 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Been to Tremont a few times. Still, Amos' is my favorite. Love Charlotte shows.
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. Charlotte crowds are very energetic and engaged for shows. Amos' is great as well. I've also played Evening Muse a handful of times.
guitarguy4511 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've been going to shows in charlotte for the metal/hardcore scene for years and Amos' has always been my go-to.
merryjoowanna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you visited chop shop in noda?
guitarguy4511 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:44 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Heard of Noda ales though. We sell them at The Mellow Mushroom in Uptown. I wait tables there.
cnosko00 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:31:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhh, you're THAT CDC.
That's terrifying, dude.
theorys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:39:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who did you open up for? pls.
CDC_ ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:44:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tech N9ne.
theorys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty dope man..opened up for anyone else?
CDC_ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:54:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
MC Chris, MC Frontalot, Twiztid (yes, I'm aware they're associated with ICP. Exposure is exposure), Afroman, Mickey Avalon, Dirtball, Big B. I was in pretty good with a lot of the club owners around the area.
theorys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:03:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet man. Thanks for responding to me. Big up!
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tips hat
LiveToDieAnotherDay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:54:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Have an upvote for playing in the most/only dangerous city in North Carolina.
Edit: I Now have a list of North Carolinian redditors.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:25:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Charlotte isn't that dangerous at all compared to a lot of those small towns in eastern NC. If you're an outsider you just stay the hell out of those places.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Rocky Mount is not a safe place. I'd rather take my chances if Charlotte.
Dantron94 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:18:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're mixing it up with Durham and Fayetteville.
mangaka-yaidir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty scary to think that I almost moved there.
SomalianRoadBuilder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
fuck that dude, Charlotte is not that dangerous and is actually a pretty nice city for the south.
SomalianRoadBuilder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lol
Broue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
8 mile style
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You pissed in his territory.
Professor_Neckbeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up in Statesville (45 minutes north of Charlotte) and can imagine this happening a lot. Charlotte is terrifying.
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I actually live in Lenoir now. Relatively close to Statesville.
Professor_Neckbeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I spend a lot of time there at the record store, Dead Wax, especially since the owner started having free punk shows on Saturday nights.
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, really? I haven't heard a word about that. I'm a huge punk fan, actually. What do you mean by punk shows exactly? Like... a stage with a punk band playing? In that little shopping center?
Professor_Neckbeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's no stage so the bands are on the floor with the crowd. I'm actually hoping to book this poetry/rock show there in september. He's also putting out a comp of the bands who've played there so far in July I think. You should check the place out and ask about upcoming shows.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:56:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Especially in Charlotte, fuck.
Legaato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you make your own instrumentals, I wouldn't really consider you a musician. Or unless you sing in your hooks. This isn't to put you down in any way, I fucking love hip hop and I'm a rapper myself, so don't think I'm trying to talk shit.
flashgordonlightfoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Check out OBL
livk16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had no idea tremont had rappers there, I guess that shows how well I know my city. I love Charlotte.
TapdancingHotcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The part of this story that made me really 100% believe it was a single guy pulling a pistol and then claiming Charlotte. Everyone who lives near Charlotte thinks they own the fuckin place.
caterwaaul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Which gas station? I imagined it to be the one at plaza n parkwood for some reason.
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't recall offhand. It was off I-85 going towards Gastonia. I was pretty drunk.
Segu1n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was picturing you as a country singer for some reason, until that last part of the story. Never thought rap, but you are still wearing a cowboy hat in my mind.
dogfishchickorystout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a white guy?
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Very. :\
dogfishchickorystout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm from just outside of Charlotte and this incident doesn't really surprise me. Rough place, Charlotte is.
GodDanIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The cops drew their gun on the guy and didn't arrest him?
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't say they didn't arrest him. I said I couldn't find anything about anything in the papers about that particular arrest.
fgjones001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Y'all play in actual Tremont or The Casbah?
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That night I actually played Tremont. But I've played the Casbah numerous times.
enjoiturbulence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Having played the second stage at Tremont myself, kudos for that at least. And the not getting shot thing too.
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's definitely my favorite venue in Charlotte. Love that place.
Soul_Bond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cool dudes chillin?
SCOTTGIANT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:37 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember one time when I was a very small kid in Charlotte we stopped at a McDonald's and witnessed a guy passing a handgun out of the drive through window to a car!
samzplourde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TL;DR: Play music, black man got mad, don't know why.
Fergalicious-def ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I someone originally from the Charlotte area this isnt too surprising
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:08:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's insane dude! I live in Texas and have a CHL I wouldn't really know how to respond in that situation out of shear confusion.
Wickedbastard ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:18:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can't find the TL;DR
HeelsUpDickIn ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:03:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Of course, rap
fountainsoda ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:29:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You really don't?
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No?
Asdayasman ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 04:27:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was so confused, but then you said you rapped. I thought you were a musician up to that point.
CDC_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, there's absolutely no rhythm or percussion involved with rap music.
CuntLovingWhore ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Rappers don't play shows. They rap at shows. Bands with instruments play shows.
Ya_ya_ya_ya ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:18:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Live in charlotte, can confirm Work at closest gas station to the speedway (major concerts, carolina rebellion), still confirming
[deleted] ยท 477 points ยท Posted at 09:01:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
immortalsoviet ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 09:22:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wow, its sad that for some people greed is ranked higher than compassion. i read lots of these and it sickens me that people can take advantage of other and feel no remorse
[deleted] ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 09:31:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MannoSlimmins ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 15:08:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If she has her kid taken away, again, make sure you let her know you won't be assisting her. When she questions that, tell her what you did, and watch her shit her pants
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 15:30:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MannoSlimmins ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:33:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You, sir, are a better man than me.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:45:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
feynmanwithtwosticks ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:08:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Foster care has problems, without any doubt. But from the sound of it this family is not a very healthy environment either. There are times when the foster system is a far better option for a kids future than growing up in a drug addicted manipulative and emotionally abusive family. I've known a lot of kids who went through the system (my family was an emergency foster house) and while the system is hard and very flawed, nearly all of them are better off today than if they had been forced to stay with the families they were taken from.
icemancad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that is probably one of the most beautiful things i have ever read on reddit.
Mega_Toast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was the sister who had her kid taken away, Amber was the coworker.
IGotBigStuffGoingOn ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:43:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That actually does make me feel better. Thanks :)
HappyGoUnlucky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It shouldn't, but it does. Bitch.
shamoni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At least this time we'll know who called CPS on her fucking ass.
immortalsoviet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:47:13 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
this doesn't make me a good person but that made me feel a lot better.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 09:33:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Plubbe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:44:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good on you, dude.
mauimixed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good man.
jmk816 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:21 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like someone I would vote for.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 14:36:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just a reminder most public defenders and poverty lawyers are not like that. Lawyers who work with low-income people often have case loads in the hundreds. We try to give our best representation to everyone but it's impossible. Our offices are underfunded and understaffed. Sometimes we don't get our cases until the day of the hearing. I do civil cases, mostly evcitions, and while I want everyone to receive appropriate assistance sometimes I've got cases in three different cities and our organization has to chose who's hearing I actually go to. It's not justice but 98% of us do everything we can with what we have.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:27:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for getting so defensive! I've had a particularly rough week, with a client even telling me that if I were a "real lawyer" she would have gotten a different outcome, so maybe I took this a little personally :)
machetemagma ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 09:24:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But you'll be getting some anyway.
Upvote for a cool story.
mauimixed ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:19:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Im disgusted by how that story ended. What a bitch, bummer you had to deal with her
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:43:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
mauimixed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, it's yesterday and not tomorrow fortunately. You sound like a great guy, hope your run for congress turns out well.
Kinser9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:11:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're a good guy. It's a shame Amber was an asshole. Nothing good will come from the money you had to pay her.
Sunshine_Everytime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:54:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dude!! wtf. good for you, though. I definitely would have said something.. you're a good man, Charlie Brown.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wish you all of the best karma in the world asap. Youre a good person. I wouldve let you take me out and I wouldnt have filed sexual harassment.
Just curious though, how was sexual harrassment filed if she willingly went on a date with you? Or was that after?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:43:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn! No emails or IMs for fb or texts?? Im sorry to hear that though. How long ago was this?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:00:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And now we all know ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) .
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
kingeryck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No good deed goes unpunished.
fischius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How exactly did you go about asking her out that the company would actually have grounds to fire you?
andikinyon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nooooooooo.
Raincoats_George ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like somethings been left out of the story here. You don't get sexual harassment filed against you for just asking someone on a date. Be honest what happened?
UnknownQTY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should find her address and send her a Christmas card one year explaining everything, with a copy of the lawyer's invoices.
hateaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I really, really want to believe this, but I just can't. I'm not an expert in any of this, but I just don't think a lawyer would take this case without actually talking to the client and explaining who was paying the bill. Besides, if it was all resolved by calling in a favor and getting a front page story, why pay the lawyer 14k? For what? One phone call? I hate to be a pessimist, but I think there is at best some serious omission here, or at worst complete BS. Honestly, if the 14k lawyer thing is true it lends more credence to the creepy coworker angle, because who does that? Who knows enough about their coworker's personal details to get that involved and for what motive? Amused mastery indeed.
JSmithWriter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hate to say it, but Amber sounds like a tremendous bitch.
fdjoisafjdisoajf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She filed a sexual harassment suit against you for asking her on a date, and the company fired you outright? Did she lie and say you did something besides ask her out, or did your company really value you that little?
I mean, you'll have to forgive my skepticism - this story hits all of the reddit sympathy hot buttons: man does a good deed, man keeps quiet about his good deed, ungrateful bitch files spurious sexual harassment claim, stacked authorities obviously take her side because "all a woman has to do is sneeze and every employer in the land will blame it on a man."
It doesn't seem likely that you were fired for asking "want to grab a drink this Friday?"
jbmoskow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:42 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's an old saying: no good deed goes unpunished.
invinciblesummmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:28 on May 18, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry man. You never deserved that :(
xlarukux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow wtf stories like yours is why people are scared to do nice things for others. Like in China, if someone falls down by themselves people don't help because oftentimes the person will sue
Krusolhah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What a fucking cunt
Swarleymon ยท 1811 points ยท Posted at 02:15:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
This is a pretty sweet story so I never get to tell it to people, it would show them how nice I can be. Anyway I was working in activities in a nursing home when I was younger and had this couple who I adored. The husband didn't need to be there but he was because he wanted to be with his wife. Oh man did he have a mouth on him, another reason why I loved that couple. We would always chat and they would tell me their stories while I was doing the wife's nails. Well then the wife took a turn for the worse. And she was getting really bad but she got to see her last birthday. I went to go visit them and bring him his dinner on her birthday and he made a joke " hey since it's her birthday and she can't eat can I have her steak dinner?" I giggled it off and apologized for the crap dinner I was bringing to him. Then I decided hey why not so I left work and went to Texas Roadhouse and got him a steak dinner. He was really surprised, he was just joking. A few days later she died, and then he left the facility. They were such an adorable and cute couple.
Edit: thank you amazing random redditer who gave me gold!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
HyperbolicChamber ยท 338 points ยท Posted at 04:30:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's a really great thing you did for a person who was going through something diffucult. Well done Swarleymon!
Swarleymon ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 04:56:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks it was one of my prouder moments I had in life so far. They were truly a sweet couple I hope to be like that one day
s1wg4u ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:12:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What I like about this is she did something nice for two people. One for the husband, and one for the woman who the wife used to be. If the woman who the wife was saw what you did for her husband, I guarantee she'd be moved to tears.
As a man who hopes to never live a day without his wife, You're beautiful.
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 04:31:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Wait... everyone gets to see their last birthday.
Edit: Yeah, that was my lame attempt at humor.
Swarleymon ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:58:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was meant as she made it to let's say her 84th birthday. ( it was 10 years ago I can't remember how old she really was)
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:08:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was just my lame attempt at humor.
Swarleymon ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:28:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry I suck at getting reddit humor sometimes.
GreatBabu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's ok, it really wasn't humorous.
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with /u/GreatBabu
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm assuming you're not being sarcastic.
He meant, she didn't die two weeks before her birthday, she actually got to see one last birthday before she died, while it was fresh in her memory.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:14:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not Ray Charles
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:44:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I see what you did there... I'll show myself out
kumarsays ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:22:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
if downvotes were meant for terrible jokes i would have downvoted you
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:43:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't blame you
cmoore84 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:25:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love old people so much.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oรด
savageboredom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:05:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That story made me kind of sad, but then I remembered the last time I had steak (and ribs) at Texas Roadhouse and it made everything alright again.
ShataraBankhead ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:28:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love this story! I worked in Activities too at a large retirement home. I fell in love with those patients. It was hard to leave them, and it was really hard when they left me :-( I did bring my little Snow Cone maker to work one day. This machine was small, and produced a little bit of shaved ice. I had about 50 residents on my floor. I bought a bunch of cups, and flavored syrups. I had that little machine working all day. But they were so happy to have this unexpected treat, especially in July in Alabama! That was 7 years ago, but I remember them all clearly.
probably_has_herpes ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 03:10:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Totally thought this would be a "steak and blowjob" story. It was still OK I guess.
Swarleymon ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 03:13:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dude his wife was days away from dying he was maybe 80 and I was 17. Ick
[deleted] ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:37:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
my_time_has_come ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:12:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Classic Swarles!
Swarleymon ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 03:50:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ew! Just ew.
shamoni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Prude.
HokieS2k ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:21:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She couldn't give him one last beej?
Swarleymon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:27:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She was the one dying not him. I would assume it would be hard to give a beej wearing a oxygen mask and can't breath on your own with out it.
thepuf ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The meat was aged for perfection though
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:29:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thats ageist...
Polite_Werewolf ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:58:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the story would end with the old guy choking to death on the steak.
WhenImOnline ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:05:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why am I laughing? :(
Hidnations ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:12:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wondering.....why are you worried that other people will see how nice you are?? It seems like there's a story there as well!!
Swarleymon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:16:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
People don't see me an a nice-ish person. I look a little scary covered in tattoos and crazy hair, I've always kind of scared people. And I kinda hate a lot of people, but for valid reasons. And I'm oddly shy and quiet, so I've always been the weird one everyone assumed I was mean. Doesn't bother me, I like my old people and they get to see the real me. So that's that story.
Hidnations ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:31:45 on May 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Much respect!!! I will say that I've had the pleasure to come across all types of people from different walks of life and thankful that I kept an open mind about it cause that's how I met one of my Best Friend's!!!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Swarleymon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well thank you!!
noreyfinephrine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:40:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I ate at Texas Roadhouse last week and I feasted. Love the free dinner rolls and cinnamon spread. Next time I won't eat as much as those so i can actually finish my steak.
geuis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Boyscouts, 10ish. Visited a home with my troupe. Weren't allowed to really interact with residents but I remember old folks alone in their rooms. Now I think back and it occurs to me these people lived extraordinary lives and died alone in a nursing home. Don't think I want that to happen to me.
Swarleymon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Every place is different and it really depends on the staff. There will always be people who you can tell really love their patients and people who are just in it to make money. Some patients prefer to be in their rooms then with crazy ass people ( dementia patients) an maybe their family just dropped them there and left them. It's hard when people come in from churches and Boy Scouts because they don't treat you any different then they treat us. My mom went to my facility with her church to do bingo and I warned her they are going to be very mean if you don't get shit right. She came home and told me she got replaced as a caller (calls the numbers) because she wasn't doing it right and all the intense players were getting really mad. I found it hilarious but she was upset by it. Old people can be very intimidating but they are amazing and have amazing stories once you get to talking to them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:23:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is that what you call a "pretty sweet story"? This man apparently loved his wife and lost her!
_bount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn you now I want rib-eye
another_programmer ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:07:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yeah, so does everyone
Swarleymon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Would it be better if I put she made it to another birthday then died days later?
thehalfgay ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:15:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
this might sound dicky but are you messing with us? This sound like the notebook.
Swarleymon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope this really happened to me at the nursing home I worked at I always got to hang out with my residents and I really cared for this couple. She was a doll to be around and always was nice to me and her husband always was cracking jokes. He made jokes even after she was gone, then he got to go home with the rest of his family. It was my first job and I really took it seriously and really ended up caring for all the people I had to deal with and help. Not notebook-ey at all.
Connector_Pens ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:09:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, I work recreations as well. Every day something happens that's so sweet if it were in a movie people would call it unrealistic.
Swarleymon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:11:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
True but then there's also crazy thing that happen that people also wouldn't believe.
thehalfgay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:58:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
oh ok sorry and you are awesome!
drumallday7 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:35:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't anyone that lives past the age of 1 year, live to see their last birthday?
Just sayin'
Swarleymon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh I give up
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:36:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone gets to see their last birthday you know :)
RocketCow ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:11:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So you got someone a dinner? Wow, so nice man. Truly a messiah.
mjrohs ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:31:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you think about it, doesn't everyone live to see their last birthday?
juicy_prunes ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:49:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm an asshole for saying this, but doesn't everyone get to see their last birthday?
Yoinkie2013 ยท 6951 points ยท Posted at 03:21:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was 15 years old, I ran away from home because I was pissed off at my parents for a reason I cant remember. I didnt have much money, so I decided to hop onto the skytrain(public transport train in British Columbia) and ride it as far as it would go. I reached the end of the line in less then an hour, and decided I wanted to ride it all the way back again, while trying to formulate some kind of plan of how I wanted to live the rest of my life without my parents or anyone. At the last stop, or the first stop depending on your perspective of it, a girl came on and sat in the row right behind me. I didnt pay much attention to her at first, as I was busy writing my life plan on a napkin. It was a few minutes later that she got up and came sat next to me, curious as to what I was writing. I told her the story, and after a few laughs, we began talking about everything and anything. Her name was Amanda, 17 years old, and absolutely wonderful. She told me she was getting off at the last stop, which was also the first stop, depending on how you look at it. It was also the stop I had gotten on originally, and I told her we would ride to it together. The train ride took less then an hour, and what a wonderful hour indeed.
When the last stop did come, we both knew we probably wouldnt see each other ever again(this was before the days of cellphones, and I was a shy little kid afraid to make moves). As we got to the end of the sidewalk which split in two different directions, she went right and I went left. Before saying goodbye she turned to me and asked me a question that has become a wonderful part of my life; she asked me, โTell me something you have done, or want to do, that you think I should do? It can be anything, as challenging as you want it to be, or as easy. As long as you give me the rest of my life to complete it, I promise I will do it..โ I was confused as to why, but I thought about it, and told her, โSing a song acapella in a room full of strangers.โ She said perfect and asked me if I would like a challenge as well. I told her I did, and she told me, โread, from start to finish, โUlyssesโ by James Joyce.โ I had never heard of it at the time, but I agreed, and we said our goodbyes.
I have a awful memory, and cant remember most conversations I have with most people. But I remember all of that clearly. You know why? Because of the challenge she gave me. In the 12 years that have past since, I have tried to read that book in over 150 different sittings. Everytime I open my copy of the 780 page monster of a book, I always think of her, and I always think of that day. Ive never been sure if it was her intent or not, but she left her lasting memory on me with that challenge. I soon after learned what she did, was a completey wonderful and amazing thing for me. So I decided to keep it going. Ive met a lot of strangers in my life; some that have become friends, and some, due to living in different time zones and whatnot, didnt. I dont want to just have experiences and then let them go. I want to remember these meetings, and embrace the fact that they happened. So whenever I leave someone who has left an amazing impact of my life, I always make sure to add them to my Ulysses Bucket List. I ask them to give me a challenge, as difficult or as easy as they want it to be, and regardless of the fact that they have done it or not; simply something their heart has had wanted to do.
Some have been easy and fun; I met a man in India 9 years ago who told me to, for a week or a month, cook/buy twice as much food as I intend on eating, and give the other half to a stranger in need. I completed that mission 8 years ago, and thought about that man and the time we had all the way through. I met a girl on a cruise 6 years ago, who told me to jump into a body of water on a slightly cold day, without touching or feeling the temperature of the water first. I did that the very same year. I met a couple at an outdoor music festival a few years ago that told me to wear the most bizarre outfit imaginable and walk through a public place, completely oblivious to the fact that you arent looking normal. I did that task the very next day, at the same festival. Some have been difficult, to say the least: three guys I met in Amsterdam and smoked all night with, told me to go to a mall and give 10 strangers 10 presents. That one took a lot of courage, but I did it a year or so after I met them. It was nerve racking, but at the same time exhilerating leaving my comfort zone. A girl I met on a plane told me to sky dive; Im still in the process of getting that done. A couple I met in Cali on the beach told me to tell the 5 people I hated the most, that I love them and respect them. That one was very difficult because of my stubborness, but ive come close to completing that list many a times(still in the process, 2 more people to go).
And some things, have had an everlasting impact on my daily life. I met a girl at a music festival, who told me that whenever I get mad at someone, walk away, sing my happy song in my head for 5 minutes, go back to the person im mad at with a clam heart and mind, and work things out. Ive made this my way of life. I once met a man at a gym in a hotel I was staying at, that told me โwhenever your body and brain tells your that you are exhausted and doneโฆuse your heart instead and push out 2 more reps.โ Ive made this my motto when working out or working on any kind of extrenuating exercise in which my body demands me to quit. I also use it while working on anything, and while studying. One of the best pieces of advice ive ever received.
There are many others that each brought joy to my life. There are still many tasks I have yet to accomplish, and everytime I think of these tasks, I think of the people that gave them to me. It amazes me how well I remember all these people, while I cant remember so many aspects of even yesterday. These experiences, not only do I take from them a โmissionโ or a โchallengeโ, I also take from them a memory of them that never fails to appear inside of my mind. I opened my Ulysses book for probably the 300th time yesterday, and read a few pages, which prompted me to share this story with you today. Im in the final 30 pages of the book, also known as the most dreaded of the read(in the last 40 pages or so, James Joyce doesnt use a single punctuation mark; no periods, no commas, no nothing; a straight 50 page run-on sentence).
I never saw Amanda after that day, nor do I know if she ever did get a chance to sing a song to a room full of strangers. But what I do know, is that she gave me a gift that has never once stopped giving. So wherever you may be, thank you for giving me the Ulysses Bucket List. And I swear iโll finish it one day. My life advice? Simple: Create your own Ulysses bucket list.
Edit 1:fixed some spelling mistakes. Going to leave 'clam' as is, haha!
Edit 2: Ulyssesbucketlist subreddit is now a thing!
Edit 3: I'm trying to reply to all of your comments and give everyone who asks for their own challenge! Please bare with me, I'll get to you I promise!
Edit 4: Monday 5/19/2014 UPDATE: I'm kind of lacking words at the moment, and am in awe of the power of the universe. Writing this story was just to relive a moment in my life, and to share it with others and maybe help them in some sort of way(or just give an entertaining story to read). Never did I think there was the slightest chance I would actually get to talk to her again. But thats exactly what happened. Last night I found out that the Amanda that ThatGuyWhoAte knew, was in fact the Amanda I met 14 years ago. Thank you Reddit. From the bottom of my heart, I give to you the sincerest Thank You I can possibly give. You gave me a chance to continue a life story that stopped writing 14 years ago. I will never forget this.
I talk a little bit more about it here: http://www.reddit.com/r/Ulyssesbucketlist/comments/25yst9/ulysses_bucket_list_amanda_update/
[1][1]
Ulysses Bucket List Amanda UPDATE:
[deleted] ยท 3159 points ยท Posted at 04:45:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What year was it when you were 15? I know a girl named Amanda who has a story very very similar.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 2745 points ยท Posted at 04:52:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
2000! Is she from Vancouver?? If somehow it is her, I will love you forever. I've been wanting to see her again for 14 years.
[deleted] ยท 2614 points ยท Posted at 04:58:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She was 16 in 2000. But she moved from Vancouver to Georgia 4 years ago. This may be her, what's your name? I'll give her a call.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 2344 points ยท Posted at 05:06:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ill pm you my name!
[deleted] ยท 2797 points ยท Posted at 05:14:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She can't quite remember your name but she remembers you. Since she isn't really sure if it's you. She's going to think it over. She has some weird stalker, so she is paranoid right now.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 2140 points ยท Posted at 06:34:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For everyone that is asking: thatguywhoate and I have been private messaging, I've told him my description and name. His "Amanda" is going to call him tomorrow hopefully to tell him! I don't want to get my hopes up, I'll let you all know as soon as I know.
[deleted] ยท 768 points ยท Posted at 06:51:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
edit the original comment if it's real with the update on the reunion please, i must know the conclusion
chrismulligan ยท 283 points ยท Posted at 08:26:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting for future disappointment.
[deleted] ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 09:51:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know the save button is a thing right?
Borluk ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 14:15:02 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The save button doesn't give you karma.
upvote to the left
-NAhL- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:05:40 on July 19, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not on reddit news free it isn't
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:30 on July 19, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://reddit.com
There you go, a feature complete mobile client with a free save button.
-NAhL- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:51 on July 19, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But its so tiny to look at, and there arent any colors to tell me if its a parent or root comment.
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 16:36:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:37:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Use a better app then. Or the mobile site in your browser.
OnlyHalfRetarded ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 08:45:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagging my disappointment onto yours.
superdontplay ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:47:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ditto
cbop ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:52:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thirded
Gengar0 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:45:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
vierth
HOW_CAN-SHE_SLAP ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:49:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yiouio
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:10:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lets start a dissapointment train
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:42:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
CHOO CHOO ALL ABOARD MOTHERFUCKERS
TH3C4NN4BL3C0W ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:21:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in
cdc194 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:14:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wait for me!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:19:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm hopping on this skytrain too. Hoping, but preparing for the worst.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:25:46 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
returning_a_vavor ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:56:05 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I come with you
Borluk ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:15:15 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yo
RicoVig ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:13:19 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
goldguy81 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:17:54 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good talk buddy...
ChefDoYouEvenWhisk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:22:12 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yup
lettuceturnipdabeet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:14:39 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sure
AllHailTheCATS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:03 on June 22, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
banana
GladiatorBill ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:35:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
me 2
WaffleOverlord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:01:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagging mine to yours.
DasBeardius ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:53:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hopping onto the dissapointment skytrain.
Comrade_Cosmicov ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:28:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All aboard the disappointment train. Here we go again, never learning.
Kaptep525 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:47:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All aboard the disappointment train!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:01:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We'll be disappointed together
5ft4masterrace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:32:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yup
tomblim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:45:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
same
asad_ca4u ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:05:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And I, you
heinbot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:)
ClarityBong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
cough
pentarlax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too
smanmansam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
x
popgropehope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same here.
wsb81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hear you're handing out disappointment?
Redrocket1701 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tagged
TheOriginalSoni2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And mine
vakeraj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ditto.
hyuny1107 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seconding the disappointment
CookieCwumbles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This whole situation is making me smile like a fucking child.... Weird feeling
What-do-you-mean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
Hondros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On the disappointment train
ElectroKitten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Blblblb. Ignore this.
OG_NIK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Continuing the tag train.
XChiliPepperX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Might as well join in...
The14thCompanion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:27 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope this is real. I'm hooked.
scratch741 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:20:55 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sure.
redditsearcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:14 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll put this here just in case.
ThisIsKO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:08 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Finally made an account after four years, hope we don't get disappointed!
GordonFreemansCousin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same.
PapaTizzy1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same.
Jamskee2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:52:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Also interested
Lutschbonbon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:06:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stacking my hopes up to not get them crushed!
chickenpi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:23:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Burning desire to be disappointed
Danmeister33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:54:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All aboard the disappointment-mobile.
ONLY_COMMENTS_ON_GW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:22:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Next stop, low expectations
hyuny1107 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Choo choo
MCXL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:02:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
likewise. :>
:)
:|
:(
:<
wax147 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:18:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its bs. How could she have a very similar story and dont remember it.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:36:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You never know.. It might not have been significant to her as it was to OP.
Also, commenting so as to see the result.
DesertOTReal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:22:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because it was 14 years ago
woowoo293 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:34:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because he didn't tell her to read Ulysses front to back.
Crackin355 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:07:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, her not remembering it makes it more believable.
LithePanther ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because not everyone puts the same amount of importance on random conversations with strangers
shiningmidnight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:01 on August 2, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know this is two months old but maybe because it was 14 years before this comment thread and if she made a habit of doing it with everybody she met around that time there could be scores of other potential Ulysses-acquaintances
Guess911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too!
ekarjala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same
darkupondark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
here too
DesertOTReal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I too will be dissapointed
TheLuckySpades ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm on this train too. Hoping, but preparing for the worst.
ipokesmot420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same here.
maraudersmap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same
VodkaSupernova ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ammaaannnnddddaaaaaa!!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All in
SPCGMR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stacking here for excitement.
VonBlood008 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Count me in!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagging disappointment on yours.
Imjur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wooo
pgh424 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ditto
MyNameIsJason16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting aswell, but hopefully not for dissapointment.
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My only thing is I very rarely remember names. So an Amanda becomes a Amy becomes a Katie very easily when a story isn't written down immediately after happening.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Elfandor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:(
DragonStriker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never give up. You never know.
sgrag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ditto
Ultimate-Punch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good idea
greenlikematt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yep!
hookdump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
SirCarlo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagging along
libertytoast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same!
OG-panda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
MannoSlimmins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP will surely deliver
moodatm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have to make a comment also.
StellaHarper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
samsies
dukeofbern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I also would like to be disappointed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
1
AntionOmega ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
mmmhmm
DjManEX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am as well.
RCup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
butteredfatkid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too
MoneyShotoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same here.
justjappie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too
rodrigogua ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is going to be another safe situation again isn't it?
tdeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tdeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tdeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tdeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tdeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Larsjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too
rubalcaba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same same
gangstabunniez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too man. We can only believe.
SillyMuffin73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to believe
MausUndKatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope this will end up in a relationship.
This way I can tell this story to people who don't believe in the fact that love may come unexpected.
Zazarok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:)
OTPh1l25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I never comment on these types of threads normally, but if this is true I have to know what happens.
Iceblaze23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same here
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:26 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As am I.
wertexx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:23 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i believe
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
op pls
Lighteyed6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:52:46 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DISSAPOINTEEEEEED!
Kiddley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:39 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sticking on with ya man
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Grumpy_Frenchman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What he said ^
tens5143 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yup.
thatsabitraven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm crossing all my thimgs that she is THE Amanda!
Bayou13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ditto. I gotta know.
NOT_HEARING_AID_BOT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
pls
uberduger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP WILL SURELY DELIVER!
ajie9168 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tag
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
must. find. out.
Dovahkiin47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I may be the only optimistic person here! My challenge to you is to deliver OP!
Dev_Time ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
Orbital_Vodoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commentating for future refereance
Sunkendrailor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
First thing I checked when I woke up this morning..
robiinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna know what happens next :3
HughBertComberdale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Also commenting to not read a conclusion tomorrow
Pandemic21 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:18:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
HeyLookJollyRanchers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
almacd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
..
Sneaky_mailman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
reckoner133 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:22:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
Based_Romo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:59:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
commemting
[deleted] ยท 536 points ยท Posted at 06:56:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
god I have such a wantrection right now
FmMan3 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 07:36:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is such an awesome word, and I really, really fucking hope this is all f'really real.
I also have the most wanting wantrection ever right now.
i_likestuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To real to be real. Or some other weird jaden smith affirmation.
rethardus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:10:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"To real or not to real, that's the question." - Jaden Smith
AwakenedSheeple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:08:15 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How can questions be real if our reals aren't real?
Hollowharvey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:49:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
!!!
JoshuaBGoode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:44:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't even know what one of those was until right now and mine is raging!
[deleted] ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 08:14:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
bearofmoka ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:38:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love this comment so much!
Safrugans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:35:24 on June 25, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Watch out mate, he might kill you
[deleted] ยท 209 points ยท Posted at 16:13:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
UPDATE: Amanda agreed to a Skype chat. This could be the start of something wonderful y'all.
[deleted] ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 23:01:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
UPDATE: Amanda had to postpone the Skype chat because she wanted to do something that Jehovah's witnesses do. She's one of those. He asked me to send a picture of her but I can't find my old SD card with her picture on it. I told him she was white/Vietnamese and he hasn't replied and that was about 2 hours ago. I'm starting up think it's not the Amanda he knows.
Bro_magnon_man ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 00:02:32 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Had to be a jehovah's didn't it. Rip op heart.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:37:36 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
despite being a mild annoyance on sunday mornings, I've never met a Witness I didn't like.
crab_lad ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:13:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No...no I still have hope
gregrawry ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:09:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I CAN'T HANDLE THIS KIND OF PRESSURE
azcard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:07:23 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What makes you think it's not the same Amanda?
chuckiedorris ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:15 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Update?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:23:25 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yonkie not responding so I guess she emailed him and it wasn't her.
mariojt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:19:14 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
seriously? oh my god it breaks my heart :(
Pixelated_Fudge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:44 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please be legit.
IhoDePota ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:55 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cant wait for the conclusion of this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:04 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please be real
Coolgrnmen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:17 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Follow-up ... Any news?
jojoga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:27 on July 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP, answer him godamnit!
samurai-samuel ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 16:43:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY FUCK ITS HAPPENING
ouroborosity ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:20:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If this happens it'll be the greatest reunion ever to happen through the power of reddit.
OnlyEpic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP might even deliver!
woowoo293 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
WE DID IT, REDDIT.
Aristox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:26:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not yet we haven't.
destinybond ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:24:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, that's so cool. I love the internet. Keep the updates coming!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh. My. Glob.
Flexible_Perplexity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! Keep us updated
1lluminatus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
saving for later updates
Coolgrnmen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing.
Mr_Hendrix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I really hope it's her. It'd be amazing if they were able to reconnect so many years later.
Peyton4President ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This needs to be real.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:12 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That would be so cool if that was real
bearofmoka ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:40:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
KEEP US UPDATED PLEASE.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:40:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:42:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well if it's not her, that'd be a huge disappointment for everyone. I dunno if Yonkie and Amanda would be cool with it
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:08:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thomasberends ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:59:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Recording it is a little creepy and awkward. I think the future of these two is more important than us. I would rather have them happy than enjoying a 2 minute clip.
gregrawry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well???
shamoni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you guys decide on the time? Has this already happened? Yonkie has last commented about an hour ago (from this post) but has not said anything.
Smayjay ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 07:06:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I've ever been this excited about a stranger on Reddit before! I really hope it's her!
ncquake24 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 07:07:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think someone will be calling about the movie rights soon
rageharles ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 07:04:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm.. so if I do the same thing, in 15 years I'll get to reap some serious reddit karma? Brb gonna go find a train.
Reliable-Source ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 08:10:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Choo choo in advance.
mariojt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:26:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and X9 gold
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its the internet. You could lie and just not take the train.
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:14:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope its your Amanda. She might not be as you pictured her (dreams and idealised versions are always more glorious than reality) but I hope you find her and tell her how much your life has changed as a result of the little thing she did on the sky train that day.
cheejiayuan512 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:54:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My god, let this be real
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:16:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Post to /r/bestof so we can all see it if it's true!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:57:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/bestof dosent allow defaults
HeWhoReddits ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:44:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/defaultgems
It's already been posted there. Great subreddit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:12:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, damn. Completely forgot! Thanks for that. I guess he'll have to personally PM every one of us ;)
bacondev ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:31:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/defaultgems?
DavidToma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:58:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
or you can directly reply to his comment and check back
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm an idiot :D
Rika_3141 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could just save?
Ultima34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It used to...back when it was actually good.
renatafranco ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:47:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please, be real.
GAMEchief ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 08:09:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should be the one questioning him. What color is her hair? Her last name? Where was she going? What buildings were there? Something only she would know about it.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 08:17:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't need to know any of that, nor do I need him to verify anything. I will never forget her face, all I would need is her picture.
admiral_snugglebutt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:33:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but he could be lying. He should send you a link to her Facebook.
ihateyougym ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:08 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful. This must be killing you a hundred times more than it's killing us.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:05:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Op please deliver.
VeritasWay ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:03:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Op pls
Jackrare ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:07:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, as 5zero mentioned, please edit the original comment. I'd love to find out about this tomorrow!
the_slacker99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:07:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just commenting so I can find this and read the update but I really hope his Amanda is your Amanda too.
trickinit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sign me up.
HannasAnarion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too
Xtremeboss16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ill do it
spacesong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
s a m e
Admiral_Awesome1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to be apart of this!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:56:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"apart" = separate
"a part" = together
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm jumping on this bandwagon!
spenrose22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:57:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
are you married? or have a SO?
Yoinkie2013 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:02:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, none of the above
spenrose22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:20:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
nice :)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:15 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Noice.
nigilv ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:55:46 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Any updates /u/Yoinkie2013 ??
sharklops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Posting for posterity... in hopes that this is true
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐๐
Recoveringfrenchman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tag for interest.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooh my! Wish you all the best! If she turns out to be the same Amanda, please please please let all of us know.
Rhinexheart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please let it be real
IAmACreativeGenius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh please let us know! I can't sleep til I know!
the_person ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, Amanda from Vancouver who's the same age as you said ands she remembers you. The evidence lines up
elehcimiblab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you have to wait?! What could be more important than finally finding each other?!
Yoinkie2013 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:31:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She is having some issues with a stalker, so I can see how she would be weary about some online stranger such as I
elehcimiblab ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:42:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I know, i was just being dramatic. This is a very cool story. Really crossing my fingers for this to be real. Good luck with your quest!
Lestalia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting so I can find this later! Please! OP must deliver!
superiq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP I do hoe this is true. On Alien Blue so this is the best way to save the thread. Sorry about spamming your inbox!
allmyrabbits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All the best! I hope its her! Also, you're awesome.
ndrwnassty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow! Awesome! Best of luck!
Xigganin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting so I know to come back and check
Bobosaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hopefully it is her!
whodey17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Posting for conclusion
Complexity114 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The anticipation is killing me! I can't wait for the update!
iUpvoteBearPics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Following
ChristopherChance1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tag to see if this is fucken real. Holy shit
BlackenBlueShit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Saving this comment to check on it tomorrow. I want to belieeeeve
Binespineapple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
saving this now *****
sanfran_dan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh please yes.
bulldog89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck!!!
Dagongent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god! Keep us posted!
Somewhat_interesting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Totes pm me when you know bro
alibi6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:45:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Comment to find this later with update
bulldog89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:46:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
TheOskarshow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please.
inserthumourousname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please oh please oh please
Nihilistic_mystic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I gotta see the end of this. Tagged.
kelvinkkc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My gosh this is amazing!!!
elruary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
By god OP, out of all the cliff hangers I've experienced on reddit in my short 2 years on this website, this one takes the cake. Deliver my good man, we beg of you.
BUMBLEORE_BUMS_HARRY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
KEEP ME UPDATED, I have to know!!!
NotEnoughFire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
PLEASE LET THIS BE REAL!
surfwaxgoesonthetop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:01:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So thatguywhoate has about 12 hours to read "Ulysses."
cynthiadangus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Replying to read your inevitable edit at a later time. Praying to James Brown that this is real.
Hayman68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:08:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please let it be her.
sublimefan42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
commenting so i'll look back to see if it's real.
Rakster505 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to come back. Most excited I've ever been on Reddit..
TheTopStrap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If it is, please post an update here tomorrow. The closeness of the story was great. I can picture you guys going from waterfront-king George haha
thekick1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've never wanted something delivered so badly...
chew85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can't wait to hear! It has to be true! Best reddit moment!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hah, it's a small world after all. Fingers crossed!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:27:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please OP let this be real
UninstallDarling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP u better tell us first thing
KaeJa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting for future reference
afunyun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to remember, all I could think of reading the story is the possibility of you finding her, I want this to be real so badly
ConradFerguson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:39:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!!!
americanjoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Saving this comment because I want this to be real. Plz deliver, OP.
kailstark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Will you be posting it in your sub?
Presen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We need to know
JuiceCanteen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting for when the time comes.
Tsarin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to find this again. I hope it is her!
CehJota ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:02:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If this is real my life is fucking complete.
Katatonia13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:06:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This may turn out to be one of the coolest stories ever
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh sweet mother of Christ if you don't update I'll fucking die. It's 4am and I'm sitting here waiting for an update.
SECRETLY_STALKS_YOU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:16:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just to let you know, this is super awesome.
Ninjanukk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god. This is nerve racking :(
Q8D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
subbed for some answers!
NoddingKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm on mobile, commenting to save this.
peachypoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
PM_ME_YOUR_BIG_TITTS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Update us when you can! I hope this for real
Junior2nd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:28:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm commenting here now because, if this is true, I would know that I was here for a beautiful moment. :')
allnaturalflavor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please let us know by updating your original comment!
chandlertribbiani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:32:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please be true!
IAmTheWaller67 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:32:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RemindMeBot! 18 hours "Ulysses Bucket List Connection"
devjunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck! Saving.
Haxdoto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is such an amazing story :) I hope it turns out to be her, even though that may be a very emotional situation for you, to finally know who she is and where she lives
daweis1 ยท 2814 points ยท Posted at 05:47:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please, please, please let this be real...
mariojt ยท 876 points ยท Posted at 06:22:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
if this is real, the movie version will be so perfect!
Crunketh ยท 138 points ยท Posted at 07:30:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was here reddit 2014
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:37:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was also here.
ElVeggieLoco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:55:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was not.
Fidgetable ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:19:36 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll be there for you
IShatYourPantsSorry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I, too, was here. Reddit 2014.
gerryhanes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:51 on June 27, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too!
Whitespider331 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:21 on July 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Im gonna write this just in case this becomes a movie
[deleted] ยท 668 points ยท Posted at 06:31:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but one of them will end up having cancer and the ending will be simultaneously sad and joyous.
Korberos ยท 595 points ยท Posted at 08:01:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
She sings in a room full of people, but the twist is that it's on her deathbed, surrounded by people whose life she changed. She then dies toward the end of the song. The rest of the people spontaneously finish the song together and then continue her actions of challenging strangers to do great things in their life.
MusicalMethuselah ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:00:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I literally just got chills.
Woodsalt_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:33:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same. Weird, although I was listening to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riN2xF5d9Qs&feature=kp
Skunk_Giant ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 12:16:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A bunch of guys on the internet fantasizing about her hypothetical death.
And we wonder why she's paranoid.
thatirishkid ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:20:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
saw this buried, classic.
Emperor_Neuro ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 11:01:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How about just the person she originally challenged at age 16?
The doctors and nurses swarm about. The nurses are taping down her IV and hanging bags of fluids. The doctors are scribbling notes about her condition and vitals as they prepare to move her to the OR for emergency surgery.
She looks to the boy she challenged to read Ulysses so many years ago, no longer blonde and freckled but gray and wrinkled. She beckons him with her finger. He bends over her hospital bed as she whispers to him, "you know, I never did sing to a room full of strangers."
"You still have time," he sniffles.
"Better late then never," her weak voice creaks back.
She looks up at the doctors and nurses, strangers who see a hundred patients a day. If they didn't remember her, at least she would know them for the rest of her life, even if their faces were all covered with paper masks. Their eyes hold their concern. A hundred patients a day and they still cared. Their eyes shine with confidence and trust, as if to say that even if the surgery failed, as it was likely to do, that everything will be okay.
She smiles suddenly, knowing what song she'll finally sing.
Her lips crack open and a whisper escapes.
"Here's a little song I wrote," she begins. As the words flutter out, they grow louder. "I want to sing it note by note."
The doctors and nurses look at her. And that crazy runaway boy she'd ridden the train with smiles and joins in, taking her by the hand.
They sing together, "don't worry. Be happy."
failparty ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:05:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I challenge you to write a movie before you die.
CorruptedToaster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:59:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sad now.
:(
ErlendJ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:15:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"They rode the train together, to the End of the Line."
thedeejus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:53:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
well, now we dont need to see the movie, thanks a lot Spoily Spoilerson
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:12:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck you I don't need these feels in the morning
Calvinator22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:16:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please write movie thanks.
TheBird47 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:24:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude! Spoilers!
AlvinsH0TJuicebox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:28:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please don't let Michael bay get his hands on the script.
Korberos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:31:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Then the hospital explodes.
Aycion ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:32:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hate you so much right now.
lameio69 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:47:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Be careful Nicholas sparks could be on here looking for new ideas
Korberos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Naw, he's had one idea his whole career. I don't think he'll ever look for a new one.
Alc2005 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:18:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Someone buy the rights to this STAT!
Drim498 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
aaannnnddd now I'm crying...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
upvote for better than glee
Daycardinal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is it bad that I just got chills?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:48:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Someone splashed my face with water i swear.
Starcsha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:04 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you're an aspiring script writer.
Korberos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:45 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, I just watch a lot of movies.
Starcsha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You could totally be though, I'm just saying. That shit's exactly what people want, and understandably so. It's wonderful.
DRidder17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
See I was thinking more he does from cancer, she finds him after all these years and sings his favorite "happy" song, even though she never heard him sing it and didn't know it was his happy song. Then all of his loved one join in. Both are great
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:15:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively, she's singing in an a cappella group, but right as she is supposed to sing "I saw the sign," she projectile vomits and they lose the finals.
3asin3speech ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 13:09:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
let's start casting right now. Let's see... nothing too obvious, like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan... Already, I know that Aubrey Plaza would be the perfect Amanda character, but who best to play OP? It has to be someone who is normally tame, slightly nervous and shy, but who can really 'open up' when they see how the Ulysses Bucket List changes their perspective. Also must be 'adorable' with Aubrey Plaza... someone as nervous as the main character in Silicon Valley could be a match, but needs to be able to play the enthusiastic full-of-life type later. This movie is like The Bucket List, Pay It Forward, and The Yes Man had a 3-way, one got pregnant, and out popped this script. I know that's a confusing analogy, but more importantly, who could play such a role?
postmaster3000 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:49:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why not Joseph Gordon-Levitt?
SlouchKitty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:59 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Came here to say this! I pictured JGL the whole time
viiiiiolet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP has to be either Andy Samberg, Justin Timberlake, Michael Cera, or Ashton Kutcher. There I've done all the hard work now let's get this ball rolling. (Also, Morgan Freeman must have a role somehow... maybe just some homeless guy with a dog who turns out to be Jesus........... This could work people)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:21 on June 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe Paul Rudd? David Schwimmer
zebrake2010 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kevin James.
252afh ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:55:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
now I'm sad
kwaifeh ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:09:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
..but the cancer is cured. and there's a sweet sweet sequel.
elliot148 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:29 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Where they both die in a car wreck.
omgsus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The beep of a heart monitor is not A Capella. :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aaron Sorkin would make a great one here, methinks
radii314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and fucking Julia Roberts will be cast in it in some role
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
F you for movie realism have a upvote!
SoberDreams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:08 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'M FUCKINGLAUGHING SO HARD OH MYGOF
theOTHERdimension ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:51 on October 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That movie was freaking sad.
Dougmartin22 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 07:03:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Lifetime movie... of a lifetime. /u/Yoinkie2013 is "The Reader".
AkashahRazif ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:35:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The reader would be an excellent movie title.
mariojt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:21:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and 'the reader 2' is a story from amanda's perspective. I secretly gifted as a movie director.
Acc87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Situation like this happen so often here on Reddit, but so little ever happens. For a moment I feel my life change through reading this story, but a week or two later its forgotten again.
Oh fast paced world of the internet
JumboShock ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 10:27:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The part of reddit played by Daniel Day-Lewis.
project2501a ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:05:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Rome Sweet Rome
unwind-protect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Watch "Serendipity".
Dr-Google ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Omg, I have goosebumps all over, I really want this to be a movie, and I want a video of them meeting again!!!!
Avogadros_plumber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Forest Gump 2?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My thoughts exactly!
tripped144 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would totally purchase this movie.
nikto123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Watch Linklater's Before trilogy
Mouse1277 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The movie will be good but the reddit is better.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My sassy girl is the movie.
sonofaresiii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:19 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Linklater already did it
Laxerapz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:08 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If it is real, it defineatly is going to go down in reddit history
frizzledrizzle ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:53:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. The movie about a man who reads an 800 page book without punctuation is very interesting.
childishgambino ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 06:26:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have never been more excited to see where a story goes on reddit.
rapturexxv ยท 1468 points ยท Posted at 06:04:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it will be. Nothing here ever is.
raiderpower17 ยท 989 points ยท Posted at 06:12:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to believe!
EvilDrRob ยท 796 points ยท Posted at 06:14:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my fucking god I so want this to be real.
qatester123 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 06:15:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
the anticipation is killing me..
[deleted] ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 06:16:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
the_bipolar_bear ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 06:19:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please what? What can he do right now?
[deleted] ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 06:23:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
HelloiamaTeddyBear ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 06:28:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
But what if they do, indeed meet, but she turns out not to be the guiding awesome person OP remembers her as.
I'm scared. On one hand, yes to meeting significant people in your life again! On the other, maybe it's best that everyone left it the way it was/is - - perfect
i just dont know guys :(
NNOTM ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 06:55:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To quote Eugene Gendlin:
enemawatson ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:07:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I really enjoyed this.
caelum19 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:52:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you lying?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:43:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone on the internet is lying, he must be lying. But if everyone lies, that means I'm lying and he's not, which goes against the laws of pysics that everyone on the internet is lying, and we've successfully created a black hole
caelum19 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:56:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
k.
enemawatson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:16:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the laws of psychics.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You just can't argue with laws if physics I'm afraid
enemawatson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well now that's just something else entirely.
LongLiveBacon ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:43:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Come on, be real... I need a win.
BraveSpear ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:14:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
COME ON OP! DELIVER!
tomtom547 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Amanda Berry.
BlackFalcon321 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:30:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On one part, I am now part of reddit history. On another part, please let this be real!
lolcatandy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:55:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can just imagine a top post tomorrow saying a guy and a girl reunited after 14 years thanks to reddit!
BlackFalcon321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Finally, I can be part of Reddit history.
__ADAM__ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:35:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unless its the safe all over again....
BlackFalcon321 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:48:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There was nothing in it but a big fucking spider.
GroteStruisvogel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:16:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think it would be interesting to see a big spider fuck.
BlackFalcon321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
MayorOfLoquest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:35 on June 4, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.reddit.com/r/Ulyssesbucketlist/comments/25yst9/ulysses_bucket_list_amanda_update/
BlackFalcon321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:30 on June 5, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY SHIT.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:24:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck reddit. Please be real...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:24:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, but something must be done! I must know!
mistersixx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I NEED to know.
PacificBorder ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:42:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It would give the movie a great ending.
ezekrialase ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 09:33:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I totally expected him to find her through reddit. Hope this is real!
[deleted] ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 11:13:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Here's my challenge to you. Bone this Amanda chick.
GeoBrian ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:56:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How Can This Be Real If OP's Story Isn't Real?
AmIACatOrWhat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please be real, please be real...
zacman76 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:57:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have never wanted something to be more real.
valiumandbeer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:17:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i'm still waiting on what's in the safe :(
The_Plow_King ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:30:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry to break it to you, but the contents (lack thereof) of the safe have been revealed. It was spectacularly disappointing.
valiumandbeer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:38:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
oh shit for real?
OnlyEpic ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:07:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was empty, but there was a spider!
AwakenedSheeple ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:39:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. Just webs and spiders.
Metickleous ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:35:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sir, i'd like to interest you in a Safe
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Ahh reddit my morning daily dose of tears and the pulling of heart strings
SomeNiceButtfucking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My penis can only get so hard!
ShameREBIRTH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is good, everyone wants it to be true, then Reddit will stalk her. Trade 1 for a couple thousand, no big deal right?
zimocracy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:05:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ping
HYPERHERPADERP_ ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Im priming the feels
jsake ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 11:04:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have a safe to sell you.
bacondev ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:47 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But the safe was real. It was finally opened.
simAlity ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:16:57 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I see your safe and raise you hihi_birdie and I_am_the_cheese (two classmates who randomly met on Reddit and went on a date).
Zakraidarksorrow ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:53:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Many feels in this story! I want it to be real and I want tl know more!
elehcimiblab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So do I. Damn, wish I was part of this story =(
realsituation ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:55:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Post
MuffTheMagicDragon ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 10:03:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow, they're going to fuck us with a safe. We've been hurt before.
Raincoats_George ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't you do me this way reddit. I want to believe. I Have to!
bacondev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That ended up being real. It was eventually opened albeit it took a long ass time.
subpargalois ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 15:43:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I smell a catfish.
anderhole ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:27:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yea. How would she think this is a stalker if he has this story that obviously no one else would know.
MrJellly ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:18:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Living in a dream world, nothing is real.
MayorOfLoquest ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:29:17 on June 4, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.reddit.com/r/Ulyssesbucketlist/comments/25yst9/ulysses_bucket_list_amanda_update/
teslas_notepad ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:44:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely not true at all
sangriadvx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What about the time the guy some girl would fantasize about replied? I think they even went on a date or something.
cvas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Go away!
Makuta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How can the sky be real if our eyes arent real.
Whiteout- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's going to end with tree fiddy or something.
Da_hoodest_hoodrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If this shit plays out, it will be the realest thing to ever happen on reddit.
gingerXgiant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:41 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't that be fucked up if Yoinkie and Thatguywhoate are the same person and he just has two accounts. I'd quit Reddit.
No I wouldn't. But I'd be upset!
OpinionToaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:22 on July 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's also what I hate about Reddit. Everyone is so fucking paranoid of things that they don't believe anything.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 07:56:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Twist, OP is the stalker! He's picked up her trail again.
SUDDENLY_A_LARGE_ROD ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:38:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit this would be too many feels to handle
seriously_nachochees ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:28:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wa...was it her??!!
jozzarozzer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:32:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was hoping she'd be a redditor and see this. This is almost as good!
BatDubb ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:35:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the first time I've ever hoped something I've read here is true...
aethelmund ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:36:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If this is real, then reddit is the best thing to have ever happen.
VILenguin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:59:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But...it can't be real. I mean, happily ever afters never happen in real life!
glassisnotglass ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:03:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please deliver either way...
916Twin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:09:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We have to know the follow up!
MurderBoner420 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:17:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I know there is a save button, but I don't know where it is on mobile.
Edit: hold down the comment you want to save. Hit the star button.
Then go to 'My profile'
Press where it says 'comments and posts'
Hit 'saved'
This is for baconreader on android.
Yayyy!!!
pipthedeer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:18:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:37:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Penis
MurderBoner420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:52 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Updated comment
MurderBoner420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:14 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
See updated comment
Coltand ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:33:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It will be a perfect ending to their movie!
I've never wanted OP to deliver more in my life than I do now.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:36:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This should become the next big thing in reddit that everybody knows.
1cenine ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:32:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to check on this tomorrow...
Sorry /u/daweis1 for adding more shit to your inbox
daweis1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:07:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most replies I've ever gotten from a single comment. I kind of like it :3
rishav_sharan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:09:29 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/u/Yoinkie2013, i am giving you a fucking task now. Tell us how things go down.
TheAsianTroll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:25:22 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see this man's life become complete. I want them to be united once more.
Toothpaste_as_Lube ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:42:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it amazing that this stuff happens on reddit?
WobbleWobbleWobble ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:53:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to cry if this is
brainkandy87 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:06:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same here. I'm not a crier but this is amazing.
fault_6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Twist: He is the stalker. Put that in your shamalangadingdong and smoke it.
daweis1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have a shamalanadingdong. Do I need to go buy one?
TheElitist921 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This could go down in reddit history!
LibertarianSocialism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All I want today is proof of this Reddit miracle.
Xanethel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
If it's not real /u/ThatGuyWhoAte is going to get murdered. Playing with someone's feelings like that would be more than cruel.
Just saying, I want to believe this to be true.
mts206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If they find each other... I would be so happy
meyler91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I need dis
MouthPoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is like the reddit safe of unrequited love.
marl0we ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Op pls
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It has to be!
Iron_Thorn23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:41:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to save this. Go ahead and down vote I just want to know if this is real!!!
Sulsey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Got to know the follow up.
tacticalnoppe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I will be so mad if this is just a guy with two accounts
Sizzle_chest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that she has a stalker gives confidence to the fact that she's still attractive. Cheers
2-718 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:14:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not real I guess.
nspr ยท 896 points ยท Posted at 06:04:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Both user histories seem to be real.
/u/Yoinkie2013 has a lot of beautifully written stories but the details match up as far as I can tell. If everything he's experienced is true, this guy is an amazing human being.
Calling it on /r/bestof tomorrow if this somehow magically turns out to be legit.
Meanwhile its 2 AM but I'm going to find myself a copy of Ulysses.
Edit: found a previous telling of this story, also by yoinkie. http://highdeas.com/hd/The_Ulysses_Bucket_List. No sign of reposting/plagiarism.
smiles134 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 06:30:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's brutal to get through. Be prepared haha
nspr ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:34:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I skimmed over the wall of text at the bottom of this http://www.gutenberg.org/files/4300/4300-h/4300-h.htm Good thing school is almost over!
AwakenedSheeple ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:41:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. OP wasn't kidding about the lack of punctuation.
BritishBrownie ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 08:41:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can't be on /r/bestof since this is a default sub
doubleColJustified ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:15:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In the future, redditors will be saying "where were you the day that /u/ThatGuyWhoAte responded to /u/Yoinkie2013 ?" and we can all say "I was right there, in the thread".
kx2w ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:07:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So do I have to comment to prove my existence in the thread? Cause I don't want to. This is just a placeholder.
doubleColJustified ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, you must.
D-Nizzle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:26:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Should we make T-Shirts?
xPofsx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was there!
Chimie45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
After a while, you stop looking at them as special events and rather just accept that you've probably been here for most of them.
doubleColJustified ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but this one is different.
PS: Don't let my account age fool you ;)
BritishBrownie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It'll be a part of reddit history! swoons
iPeeLavaLampGoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooo me too! Let me just squeeze in here with my comment. . . . . . . . . so . . .
PottsAndPanns ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 12:03:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Does anyone else think it's weird that Yoinkie posted that in 2012 verbatim, even the end where he said "I opened my Ulysses book for probably the 300th time yesterday, and read a few pages, which prompted me to share this story with you today"?
Just interesting.
Noble_Flatulence ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 12:44:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking as a writer, the writing of an anecdote is still a piece, not just a smattering of words to crudely tell a story. Once you've written it to where you're content with the way it's written you tend not to want to mess with it. If comes the time to tell the same story elsewhere; copy, paste. It doesn't pay to try to write the same thing twice.
PottsAndPanns ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:24:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking as a fellow writer, I agree completely. Speaking as an editor, I feel like I'd at least update the last paragraph with the current page number estimate.
JimJamieJames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If he's a writer and he's sticking with some narrative of it, it'd be nice to say that. Otherwise he's James Frey'ing it, i.e. using the authenticity of it being a memoir to add weight to it when really none is needed. It's a good story without having to embellish it.
E5PG ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:34:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's on a default though.
nspr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know, but I've never been that guy who calls "first!" on a post and I figure its an easier challenge to beat than reading Ulysses.
Sorry if I did it wrong :)
AznMaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Default subs can't get bestof'ed
seewhaticare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
you mean Rohin?
Zyraxon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.highexistence.com/ulysses-bucket-list/ Also written by Yoinkie
goldpanda7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I will be leaving this comment to check up in this. This will be a story for reddit history
shit_cum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:28:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to watch this movie so badly.
mitchyitch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:24:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I like your name.
PopRock_PopTart ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:32:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ulysses? Dude, don't do it. I tried it. Don't do it
JigglypuffPC ยท 389 points ยท Posted at 05:49:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This has gotta be true or else I'll
kill myselfbe pretty dissapointed.ij3k ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:40:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for making me laugh out loud :)
JigglypuffPC ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:52:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome, I love making people laugh.
turnermate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:49:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm commenting just to keep updated! I hope this is real! I'm getting that warm fuzzy feeling!
dandan86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
warm fuzzy feeling , I peed waiting for an update too?
eaoue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
me too!
bearofmoka ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:05:10 on May 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It is: http://www.reddit.com/r/Ulyssesbucketlist/comments/25yst9/ulysses_bucket_list_amanda_update/
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:53:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I need this to be real so badly. Please just let me see a win
Dogeishuman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please please please be for real. I would love a happy ending for OP.
Red_VII ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 05:50:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just hope you're not making this up. But if you are furreal please PLEASE follow up on this story and confirm. Make her talk damnit
vavoysh ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 06:26:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist, this guy is the stalker and is impersonating the guy in this story to get closer.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:25:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My life will be forever unfulfilled if this turns out to be untrue
Crisspie13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:09:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the kinda of stuff /r/bestof dreams about, f now I emotionally vested!
justcallmetarzan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My body is ready...
skittlesforeveryone ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 06:08:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude if you are lying I will literally hunt you down and puch you.
Cruithne ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:43:52 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Assign him the goal of getting punched by one stranger he's disappointed.
redisforever ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:08:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.... If this is real... I want to know what happens when they meet after almost 15 years. To see how much of an impact that one chance encounter had.
Plkjhgfdsa ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:16:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
PLEASE BE HER!
Malak549 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:19:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know people are going to expect an update on this and see if it is really her, but I just wanna say that I hope you find her. Good luck.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:21:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please be her! Please be the one!
krehator ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:25:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Requesting an update from OP.
Please let this be real.
eye_callBULLSHIT ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:08:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting so I can find my place tomorrow :)
pursemeatballs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:10:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant username (And mainly commenting so that I can see if this girl is the Amanda.)
dbzx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hopping on the bandwagon
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:33:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll just... take this place behind you ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
synchronium ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:44:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Room for one more?
drivesleepless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Make it two!
ij3k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Conga conga con-ga!
Shuttrking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Test post, please ignore.
Petrafy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:49:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same
amg23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Doing the same! (tagging on to yours haha)
readthisresistor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Likewise.
superboy7787 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:56:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Scoot over
the_squirrel_enigma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see this happen
Nyeaustin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well there seems to be a band of wagons passing by, and I can't pass up jumping on those!
Averuncate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just gonna slide right in here. Ooh. My germs!
Nickk_Jones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same here!
AhJoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:42:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to believe!
theederv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:21:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ride this train too. I literally have to know the conclusion now.. Fully committed
DrImmergeil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commence operation Suspenseful Feels
AwesomeLlama ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:09:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhh myyyy...!! One if the most touching stories and now this. Pleasepleaseplease
MLGxBanana ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:11:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This definitely did not just happen.
This just happened??
TheNightOwl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:13:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please let us know
LxBru ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:13:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We need answers!
Escobeezy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:14:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck if this is it...
MindOnTheBall ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:15:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If this is real... Holy shit
canonanon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:23:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:O
gnichter ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:16:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wow reddit powers :,) please have them meet again so they can fall in love like they are supposed to
dannyr_wwe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You better not be lying. The internet remembers all. It never forgets.
2-718 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:13:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Copy pasto? Serious?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:12:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
RightSideBoob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:36:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn thats epic.
professorpixel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:18:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
ludlology ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:20:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're lying. The girl in his story would be thrilled to talk to him again and you built in a reason why what you're saying can't be proven true or false. You're an evil person if you're playing with OP that way.
reevnge ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:52:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude don't jinx it
ludlology ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It is or it isn't, that dude just smells like lie is all.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're right that if this is a joke that dude is playing on OP he is a very evil person but one can believe
preesisters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
manic pixie dream girls are notably fickle, I doubt she'd hold the memory all that dear
ludlology ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:19 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
point, that is possibly true
madnessman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please let this be real. If you're lying to us I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you.
LIVE2KILL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shat this is actually happening! Goddamn I love Reddit sometimes
Kempje ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god updates please
theorys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No way this is too crazy to be real...
KThingy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet Jesus let this be real!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to come back later. I hope this is real!
JellyBean1023 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should send her a link to his comment :) if it were me I think it would be so cool to see what an incredible change I sparked in someone 14 years ago
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is like that cheese dude and horny biology class girl love story all over again.
insanecuriousity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please let this not be a cruel joke!
ninjawrangler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was hoping for this to happen as soon as I saw where the story was headed!!!!
myusernameistheshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This needs to happen...
nocbl2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FUTURE ME: FIND OUT THE END OF THE STORY!
Deathwatch72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Show her this post, maybe have OP send a picture or something to prove it was him. Maybe once, just once reddit can actually connect two lost people.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeahhhhhh......
Miss_rampage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please keep us updated OP!!
Ass-assin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I will group together the rest of the commenters on this thread and find you if this isn't real. If it is that is awesome!
ZoinksJinkees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dear God we all need this!
Pls
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
PLEASE PLEASE DELIVER!!
thataintclassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY SHIT if this is real... <3
Glorypants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, please follow up! Keep us updated!
Kavusto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
holllllyyy shiitttt did that just happen??
10thTARDIS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm on mobile, so I'm commenting to save this.
I really hope this is real, and she decides to talk with him. Also, this is an interesting look at how everyone's connected in some way... Supposedly you're only a certain number of "hops" from any other person in the world (I can't remember how many, but I want to say thirteen). I wonder how much that number changes on a network like Reddit.
SeriouslyPunked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please follow this up with a reply to this post. The entirety of reddit probably wants to know by now!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP surely will deliver.
drunkenviking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY SHIT
wolfdogrhit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
commenting so I can find out what happens, don't let me down dammit
MissS95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, show her what he wrote to she can trust that its really him, omg, this is so exciting, we need a follow up on this!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting so I can come back later.
TuckerAndDaleVS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Comment
BedHeadRedHead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You guys have to update if it's her!
mievaan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Omg please please be true.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I WANT TO BELIEVE.
itachi1998 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit.
theriverman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What she can't just read the story and figure out if he is the guy?
Lambdabam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my! Please update this!
bawss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please deliver please deliver. OP pls.
prince_la ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, reddit can be amazing sometimes
_ambr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So what happened??
palerthanrice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I really hope this works out.
thevoiceofzeke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:09:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No fucking way. If this happens I will cry the manliest tears ever cried. PLEASE DELIVER UNIVERSE
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
commenting to save this so i can come back to it later... hope you get to talk to her again OP
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot Twist: He's the stalker.
Fizzwidgy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just going to pop this here in hopes of sweet onion-y realism.
hazier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
Send_Your_Nudes_2_Me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit is amazing.
seaharvester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist, the stalker made up the story above to find Amanda. The stalker recalls Amanda mentioning a kid with a bucketlist on a train.
dealin92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Op please respond.
xnidaleemaster18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting for reference ;D
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please for the love of god have this have a happy ending. I want this to be her so much.
NotZezima ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Op pls deliver.
Xmatron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:23:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was THERE man!
UninstallDarling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was hoping for 'and they lived happily ever after'
Apollan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT HAPPENED!! UPDATE PLS
zantichi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:06:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. Bro fist. If I wasn't a poor fucker I'd give you gold.
commenting to find my place
RaptorsFromSpace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is surreal somehow. I live in Vancouver and reading this is just weird. It can be such a small yet large town, but it's amazing.
Scottvrakis ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:24:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP IS IT REAL!? HOLY FUCK!
IS.
IT.
REAL!?!?
AkashahRazif ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:38:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP PLEASE FIND AMANDA!
Scottvrakis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:47:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OPLS!
therapistoften ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:25:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want a follow up on this!
SUPERWITE ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:26:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So is it her?
OP pls
veggie_sorry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:40:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Better let us know if this is legit!
Rhinofeed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:52:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pm him a picture so she can see.
LevelHeadedAssassin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:53:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This has to be added into the movie...
Fart_Bubble ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:55:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
oh god please be real. this needs to happen
Liquid_Seth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:56:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On the Amanda thing. IF it really does happen to be her, please post something on some subreddit that will show on the front page. We the people hope this happens. Greatest love story ever it it happens.
bawss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:58:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit OP you have better deliver!!
SeenNiggaSnowBefrore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:05:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Keep us updated if she is the one!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:19:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP PLEASE TELL US IF ITS HER
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:22:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is it her?!
bigblackhotdog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:40:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you two end up getting married you have to invite us ALL to the wedding.
NotEnoughFire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:59:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OH MY GOSH IT'S GONNA BE TRUE! :DDDDDD
ScenicFrost ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:31:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yoinkie, highDEAS?
Princess_Sloth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:16:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If she can trust you enough, you should ask for a photo to ensure that it's her. Isn't this the best way to verify that it's her?
:O OP, please update if you can manage this!
redeyeddragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:31:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So any news?
respectthecheck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
seewhaticare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Rohin
tommobile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP PLEASE
BoyWhoCrapped ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
op pls respond
pointman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Every time something like this happens I just think about what reddit will be like in another 50 years when basically everyone in the world will be on it. It will be so easy to find people you lost. The internet has really changed the world immeasurably.
xraynorx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP you better damn well deliver. I need a gas damn love story today.
QuailMan2010 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please let us know if this is true!
Abe_lincolin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:35 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please deliver OP.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:26 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How did it go?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:42 on July 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was it real?
r3djak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP, for the love of God, PLEASE keep us updated on this one.
RGBacon ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:05:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting so I can come back later and see if this is true or not. I must know.
D-Nizzle ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:53:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Room for one more?
charden_sama ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:56:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aaand another.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:58:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:15:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why not
sofiyah ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:22:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
fuck it.
YodasMom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:38:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I'm walking into a cramped elevator
woowoo293 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:13:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And my axe.
save269 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and i
that_homeless_guy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:59:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sorry...scuse me....just squeezin in here
siamthailand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:50:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude it's reddit, not your mom's vagina.
Staggolee2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ayup
Ace134 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:17:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It really is getting tight in here
modernviolinist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mind if I squeeze in too? Ah, thank you!
hosbi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ngh
COOPERx223x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's like a crowded elevator
Aegyptopithecus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, guys
whooopseee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll stay here too. I need to get in on this to see how it ends.
jaybee07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I need to knowwwwww
Sachmoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, me too.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Chbbyphntm1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is long
gumslut4u ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:24:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is there still room for one more?
Meaningful_Gravel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry I'm just getting off at the next floor
LobsterSmackPirate ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:43:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lurker, getting in on this. I'd really like to know the outcome.
n33t0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And one more!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lets fit one more!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheGuyWhoRuinsIt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:33:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, that was it for today. No more open spots.
i'll..just sit patiently
MaxPower2001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hope you don't mind.
rae1228 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget about this one!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't mind me
seannnaaayyy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:05:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well I mean, you are Humongous
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What up
phalanx2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same.
Raryin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
Mzav26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure we're all gonna need an update
dadabhai_naoroji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me 2
AfterLeGoldrush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yerrp
cheetpo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
+1
Harrimonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
Ieatpwns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
overdos3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
vigilancexd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
emzed-overthere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to follow this one too.
reyano ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:04:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And one more!
shutyourdickholster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And another!
sharklops ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:09:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
and MY wants!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:57:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Woo! Piggy back!
Christiary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And yet another!
littleotterpop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
ravenwing1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One more _^
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And another!
Poseus ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:58:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
PLEASE BE TRUE OH GOD PLEASE
aerostotle ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:12:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Amanda pls
qatester123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:16:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lol right?
I_need_a_grownup ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:51:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I really hope it is.
Null_Reference_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:30:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just be aware, someone I met on a train once challenged me to impale an internet liar with a pitckfork.
TheNightOwl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Marking for hopeful closure
femmefabulus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MrDrumzOrz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
alexxxflorack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was it her?! I need to know!
SpacemanLurker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We need an update on this.
FlawedHero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was 16 in 2000 and live in Georgia... Am I her?
fiqar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/karmaconspiracy
Chris_P_Wallace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:11:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck it. I choose to believe. /r/bestof
Brandinon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aww shieeeet! I love it when stuff like this happens, two long lost friends meeting after so long!
I feel good :)
Nikolai_Petrovsky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HYPE IS REAL!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow if this is real my challenge is to find a long-lost person.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:25:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I definitely want this update
Garmfield ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Comgs
Abe_lincolin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:44 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please deliver OP.
BenedictCumberland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:07 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Inb4 meetup reddit 2014
Sour_J ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:38:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
BOOM! Reddit love connection!
[deleted] ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 04:59:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god I want this to be true...
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:43:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN THE LOCKED SAFE OMFG OMFGI HAVE THE BIGGEST MYSTERY BONER RIGHT NOW
m0untaingoat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:10:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I almost dare not hope...
UnknownOverdose ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:36:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gone die from the fucking intensity.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have never wanted to know anything on reddit more then i do now. OP deliver!
GUBERNACULUM68 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:33:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm commenting to come back. Please let this be the same girl!
DaVinciStein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok so was it her?
Russ7mc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let it be her!!
eglesworth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to check in the morning.
Grosssen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, marry her!
Catalyst8487 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm rooting for you man! Your story is amazing.
morgus2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:18 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is the most random place to move to...
wardrich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:47 on July 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did it turn out to be the same person?
perezect ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:14:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is mind-blowing how old you guys are compared to me. I hope I have stories this great 10 years from now.
Hooch_McDaniels ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:06:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll be at a full chub if this adds up. I need to comment so I remember to come back. This could hopefully get interesting.
S1xE ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:58:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This. I fucking love the internet
TripleSkeet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please be real.
tylorwalls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
replying to keep up on this story!
red-ditor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
NanoDice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
commenting to save
roflcoptocles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...
virreeee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fingers crossed
Aaronthecone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting so I can look for an update tomorrow.
TheAngryBartender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking reddit. I tell you.
poundruss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
hmmmmmmmmmm
mrcharlescarmichael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to save for later.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
commenting to followup
Ksanti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DID SHE SING A CAPELLA TO A ROOM OF STRANGERS DAMMIT
AndySilkyJohnston ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The story from her perspective is unremarkable. Why would she have ever told you it?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:26:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Dathamburgler ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:36:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
feex3 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:09:57 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You realize that you can save comments now, right?
Mrdannyarcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dear god, help this guy reunite with Amanda.
Dunkarius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If it happens, this is wonderful.
bearofmoka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If this is her, I'm going to give you gold.
RedditsKittyKat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:43 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've never been so excited about anything on Reddit fucking ever. Please be real!!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:15:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
the_bipolar_bear ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:21:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He did... an hour ago
jozzarozzer ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:26:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
He did? Must've bugged out for me, I can't see it. Sorry.
bwaaaah ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:43:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to toast in this epic bread
leftoverlumpias ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:02:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
Optikek ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:14:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:08:48 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You had better not be messing with our collective feels you motherfucker
try_another8 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:42:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
made an account just for this. please be real.
ireallylikebeards ยท 569 points ยท Posted at 04:38:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, amazing! I wish this were a movie.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 1547 points ยท Posted at 04:44:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
It actually will be! A few months ago I posted this on a blog site that I like to write for, and a film student from a college in Venezuela contacted me asking if we could make it into a film. It's been an amazing experience working with this kid half way across the world. It's not going to have much of a budget or anything, and most probably just him and his friends making it. But it will still be cool to see my story on camera!
Maybe someday we can make this into a reddit colab movie! Producers, directors, actors all redditors. Somebody call /u/Vernetroyer, he needs to be in on this!
Neyfin ยท 356 points ยท Posted at 04:50:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Will we be able to see it?
Yoinkie2013 ยท 611 points ยท Posted at 05:14:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We have been e-mailing each other for a couple of weeks working on the script. All we have is skype and computer communication so it's a slow process. I've never done anything like this so it's taking time to learn. I'll keep you posted!
w0nt0ns0up ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:48:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like an awesome way to live, but how did you ask people to give you a challenge? Do you just casually sneak it into a conversation or do you just ask for it out of the blue?
Yoinkie2013 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 05:55:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It depends on the mood man. Sometimes conversation leads that way. If it doesn't I usually add it right before the goodbyes!
w0nt0ns0up ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:48:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to try this, but I feel as if it'd be too awkward to just randomly say this. I'm a pretty shy guy. Any tips?
hyuny1107 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seconded... As much as I want to, I feel like I'm too shy (especially with people that I just met) to do any thing like this...
freakybubblewrap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
try it on someone you don't see very often, like a cousin who lives across country or a childhood friend who moved away
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:54:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please base it on your life, but end it with Amanda getting back to you by completing a challenge someone gave her.
You never know, she might see it ;)
HGF88 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:37:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Either Morgan Freeman or ZeFrank need(s) to narrate your story.
Aikidi ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:45:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This has ZeFrank written all over it man.
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ZF ftw(?)
newappeal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:40:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or ZeFrank doing a Morgan Freeman impression
HGF88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
Yes, indeed.
newappeal ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:48:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Here we will explore true facts about the Yoinkie2013..."
xX_Fedora_Sc0pes_Xx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a 17 year old European kid with a British accent can I narrate this?
thecarpenter123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:26:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mind if i take a crack at this concept too? I'm a film student who has been looking for inspiration, and the idea of challenging a person when you leave them is great.
Kazakulr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll definitely be in line for that movie!
KillerSiren ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:56:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see that movie! I hope you find her again
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to know too! Also, what do you think is an appropriate name for it?
Yoinkie2013 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:10:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To me, it's always been the Ulysses bucket list. I think that's what it should always be!
sharklops ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:11:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Ulysses Journey or The Ulysses Odyssey
Laspimon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you have a mailing list or a website?
RebelNutt18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude! That's awesome. Do y'all have a name for it yet?
JarlesV3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be interested to hear how this goes as well.
Linearts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please make a subreddit dedicated to this! sort of like /r/romesweetrome
-zombie-squirrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with the other posters! I want to see the movie when it's done, too. Maybe you should start a subreddit where we all compile our own Ulysses lists and give each other assignments.
elephantoe3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you made a KickStarter I promise I'll fund it
WatsUpWithJoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a film student and reading this made me think it would be a wonderful short film. Hope it turns out well!
springloadedgiraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I tagged you as "remember to ask him about his Ulysses Movie". You should start a mailing list, because I'd be interested in watching that movie as well.
Funkstrman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
AMA
Christyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see this movie as well!
Mariske ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It would be awesome if at the end of the film, your video friend somehow taped your live meetup with the real Amanda
Barely_adequate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can see this easily winning a feel good movie award or something. It sounds like it would kinda play out like the movie The Bucket List.
the_person ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love you. About as much as /u/Unidan
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If anyone told you to make your life story into a movie then I guess that's another check off your amazing bucket list.
rtfurlong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you've got an ending for your script now! Yoinkie posts about the Ulysses Bucket List on a website and is reunited with Amanda. That's beautiful. Even if it doesn't work out that way in real life it would make a fantastic ending.
Link941 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cool, wish I could help with such a promising project. I'm also a film student who loves finding people with amazing experiences like yourself. I'm in Edmonton and my cousin seemed to have picked up something like your Ulysses Bucket list after some travelling, which I think is a coincidence. I wish you and the Venezuela guy the best of luck with it and your future endeavours!
_bount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. Wow. Jeez. You heard it here first guys.
Ch4zu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Guess I'll pick my own copy then. Fantastic story, one of the most inspirig and heartfelt I've read on Reddit. Now all I need to do is be able to talk to strangers...
tommobile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
CROWD FUND THIS SHIT.
gomble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let Reddit know if financial assistance is required :)
SageWaterDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Keep me posted, please! I have a bad memory with this kind of thing...
MannoSlimmins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please make a new post on reddit when the movie is made... We all want to see it.
makeshiftskeleton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should do a cameo! Such as someone that you have met in this journey. I would love to see this film.
Irresistibl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This story really moved me.. It's so incredible, I'm literally speechless.. I can't find the words to describe the effect on me.
Look I know someone's already onto it but reading through your story I was thinking the same.. I would love to take this story to film. Im currently in my last year of school and part of my final is to create a short film, and I was wondering whether I could use it?
If you don't get back to me, all I want to say is, thank you. You have really changed me
renotime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So did you ever talk to this chick?
dontknowmeatall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Saved this as Reddit History. When you have a title let us know, we'll love to see it. If you need anything with translation, I'm your guy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, holy shit your life is a movie.
Thiswhatyawanted ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:42:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can I play you?
BeardedLion ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:59:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
How will you keep us posted? Edit? You sound like an amazing person. I'd like to further pick your brain.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Triggerhappy89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FYI, reddit allows you to save posts without commenting. There is a "save" button in the same row wit h the reply/report/whatever else is down there.
YJSubs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On mobile (bacon reader) there are no save comment, only option to save the whole thread.
Triggerhappy89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm, reddit is fun lets you save. Maybe post a feature request for bacon readers devs?
muristheword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely not
TheOnlyChicken ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:22:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah OP!
semi-bro ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 04:59:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you should definitely post it when its done.
ireallylikebeards ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:56:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let me know when it's done, please. I want to see this! So inspiring.
shirttuckedinOD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
Aemort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please keep in touch- I'd love to see it when it's completed!
Nightdocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What university is he from? I'm from Venezuela and I would love to know more about this!
Jericho2121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you think that if Amanda were ever to watch it, assuming it gets done, she would try to contact you?
amartin19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna see it!
perfectwing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let me know when it's done, too!
LibertarianSocialism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Be honest. You trapped them into doing this by making that your challenge for her.
tuxt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
rae1988 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
step 1) sell script to Hollywood for $$$.
step 2) ???
step 3) Amanda tracks you down and bones you
JulianForscht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
r/filmmaker might be interested in this. All the best for you!
JustBet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my God.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please keep us all updated! What a lovely story, I hope you have a happy ending :)
IWentAsstoMouthOnce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude I hope it is, now more than ever I need a challenge or something new to try in my life. Give me something and I'll do my best to spread the good word
jsake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
if ya need cheap actors, holla.
mikbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:32:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Crowdfund it!
kyzfrintin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Does it have any music? Because I compose, and would love to write some music for a project like this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You seem like an awesome, interesting person. What do you do for a living, if you don't mind me asking? I'm intrigued.
realisateur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to produce it!
IAMAJimmieRustlerAMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can I play you?
Loopy13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:38:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should kickstarter it
Zoarial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As an audio engineer, if this ever becomes a reddit colab, then count me the hell in
ragerlol1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Make a donation page on one of those "fund me" sites, I'm sure you'd get a lot of money to help!
occipixel_lobe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Looking forward to this movie.
greatscott19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You sir, have just created a piece of reddit history.
ImstillaliveT98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting so I don't lose this thread
TheAsianIsGamin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I could play the part of a younger you, if you want. Younger than you were at the time (13, HS freshman, but people have thought me older) and not an actor by trade (I love to talk though... Ask any of my teachers :P)... But hey. You'll need someone, right?
mibuscus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:42 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure this thread will be apart of Reddit history.
kas3413 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:40:13 on July 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How is this progressing?
onetruepotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to save
fine_feline ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same!
abbacen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same, bubbles
Sour_J ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:49:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah...wait till the big wigs in Hollywood steal the idea out of this thread first!
grandpajackiee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:02:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's a movie series out there based on strangers meeting on a train, you might enjoy it! Starts with the movie called Before Sunrise, then Before Sunset and lastly, Before Midnight. It's beautiful and candid, all around great ratings too!
ireallylikebeards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh thanks for telling me, I'll be sure to take a look at it!
Good_Guy_James ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:44 on June 22, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll also try to give this a watch!
ehsteve23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:04 on June 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They're some of my favourite movies, if you do watch them, can i suggest you leave some time between each movie; they was a 9 year gap between each movie, don't jump straight onto the next one, give it a few days, weeks to think about the story and imagine what happens, you'll enjoy it a lot more, i think.
Good_Guy_James ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:07 on June 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alrighty I'll try to do that. Thanks stranger!
dannyr_wwe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:26:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was written as a narrative. The "first stop or last stop, depending how you look at it" line, and using it twice, was particularly poetic.
ReeferMaaan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, pretty much "Pay It Forward"
ireallylikebeards ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:56:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not really, because Pay It Forward was about paying acts of kindness forward, not creating bucket lists of challenging things to do.
myownsecretaccount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Eh they kinda already did
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So does he, that's why he wrote the script
servohahn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like an episode of How I Met Your Mother (who the writers will make you love and then just throw away because they didn't audience test the episodes featuring her well enough).
time_warp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I get the impression that many of these Askreddit questions are writers, and agencies fishing for ideas.
prokiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me, what happend to the story about modern day soilders time travel to accient rome a redditor wrote and later sold the rights ?
masgrada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think we just got burned with viral marketing.
SashaTheFireGypsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Love me if you dare" is a similar concept. It's in French. But it's amazing.
ireallylikebeards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh cool, thanks. I've been going through a bit of a Francophile phase lately so I'll have to see it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to watch something similar, try "my sassy girl" the Korean version. Warning. Total chick flick.
DiseasedScrotum ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:26:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
Mustardsammich ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 05:49:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That would be a horrid movie. A guy talks to a girl and then reads a book... Thrilling
DisBeMyNameNow ยท 344 points ยท Posted at 04:37:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This was one of the coolest things I've ever seen on Reddit.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:56:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's odd how it kind of is the same nature as Today You, Tommorow me.
MyPusyTasteLikePepsi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed
foxy_on_a_longboard ยท 448 points ยท Posted at 04:14:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is so cool. I'm gonna do this.
scottshott ยท 664 points ยท Posted at 04:55:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Says the entirety of reddit
ForceBlade ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 05:27:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yet only 3% will.
We are the 3%!
HelloiamaTeddyBear ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 05:28:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Occupy, uhh, our goals!
_no_fap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
100% of reddit says they are the 3%. We put Putin to shame.
Hecatonchair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not yet.
I challenge you to start a wave at the next sporting event you attend.
Give me mine, and part of the 3% we are.
sayleanenlarge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:07:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Take the bus two hours away and spend some time exploring.
Hecatonchair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Visiting family right now, but summer break just started, so I can do this one pretty soon. This should be, at the very least, interesting!
igloo27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:23:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not those who can't read
Retarded_Artist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:34:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your mom can't read the sign that says "no refills"
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:26:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She can read it. She just chooses to ignore it. Someone once challenged her to disregard all signs in restaurants.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God, way to kill the positive vibes
breda076 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
While in bed, convinced that they actually will try it.
Cheifer176 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*-The Entirety if Reddit
FTFY
LlewelynGoodchild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm totally gonna start doing this!
... tomorrow.
14nganhc1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
THIS WILL BE THE NEW SOCIAL ORDER
PedrooPievaSohsa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not me. I am a contrarian. I will ask the same thing and do the exact opposite, no matter what.
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Until we forget it in the next 8 hours when some new content comes up. If I remember I will try it on strangers, not existing people I know
Cantdanceguessmyrace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Then about 10% of them actually do it
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Says you, ya big butt.
jfractal ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:45:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you are really and truly going to do this, then please allow me the honor of issuing you your first challenge. It is as follows:
The next time you stand in a line at a conenience store, and you see a stranger behind the counter, you are to observe them, and pay them a meaningful compliment. You goal has been achieved when you have done this to a total of seven people, at seven different stores.
Of course by issuing you such a challenge, per the rules, you must offer an equal or greater challenge to me. Be kind - I am a busy man.
C'mon - what do you say? Is my challenge accepted?
foxy_on_a_longboard ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:04:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Challenge accepted. In return, I challenge you this: the next time you go to a restaurant, give the server a huge tip and write them a kind, heartfelt note. I work in a restaurant and this is the kind of thing that would make my day.
Edit: honestly, it's the note that matters more than the tip. It would mean a lot to receive a positive, heartfelt note while I'm working. So even if your service isn't great, say something kind and positive in your note. It'll brighten that person's day.
jfractal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:02:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! That's a good one, and it's neat that both challenges have to do with the service industry and making people feel good. Very well - I accept you challenge. I will PM you with how it goes once the challenge is completed.
foxy_on_a_longboard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great, I'll be doing the same.
persona_dos ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:28:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I challenge you to give gold to all the responses you get in this thread.
foxy_on_a_longboard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:02:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd accept if I had the money to :/
persona_dos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:31:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's ok man it was only a joke!
foxy_on_a_longboard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:34:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cheers :p
Crackerpool ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:37:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This seems like a good "feel-good" movie I'd watch.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Fuck, now I have to read it.
Edit: worth it.
JCAPS766 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to do this with the next person I get drunk with.
confused_programmer_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:08:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I Guess everyone would
Mimos ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 07:44:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So here I am trying not to kill myself at the better part of a decade of persistent thoughts on the matter and I see this.
Thank you.
It doesn't matter how it resonated with me, really. Just know that it did. That was a beautiful read and one of the best stories I've ever heard.
I have hope.
Thank you.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 07:55:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man, don't lose hope. Life is a constant struggle but there is beauty waiting for those who fight through it. Please stay strong, and message me whenever you want to talk! We can shoot the shit anytime! Promise you will come stop by every so often for a talk?
Mimos ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:43:27 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I promise. Thank you. Last night was the longest night of my life.
audio-blood ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:10:36 on July 4, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hope you are doing well, /u/Mimos.
Mimos ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:42:52 on July 4, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Actually I'm doing really well! I've managed the depression really well and yeah - it's been a complete turn around.
Thanks for asking :)
audio-blood ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:19:27 on July 5, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am really happy to hear that. :)
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:05:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are too valuable to ever end your life! Please continue to live your life and find something to be passionate about. If you need someone to talk to, please PM me.
Mimos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:44:58 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you too for your offer.
CypressStrength ยท 294 points ยท Posted at 04:57:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you happen to be John Green?
cjdeck1 ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 05:01:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I felt the exact same way. It's just the way /u/yoinkie2013 oozes personality into his writings. I absolutely loved it
CircdusOle ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 06:11:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The "last stop/first stop" passage really felt like him.
readthisresistor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:09 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you'reโฆwait for itโฆthe Mongols.
CraazyKat ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 06:30:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Looking for
AmandaAlaskaMusaTheRedGuard ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:18:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah this is something he would write about. Angsty teen leaves home and goes on a trip where he meets a spunky girl that changes the way he sees things forever
giraffelephant ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:21:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sad to say no, but I think John Green is /u/thesoundandthefury
fatmand00 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:43:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that is his publicised username, but there's nothing stopping him stealth-pitching a new book direct to the audience via a throwaway :P
karl00111 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:08:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
please be john green
Aikidi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:46:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This felt like "thoughts from places" to me, or ZeFrank.
lappy482 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:43:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He might not be, but /u/thesoundandthefury is.
Cc5tfowens ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:06:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He is John Galt... And he's a dick.
mobywhat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My EXACT thought!
Narwal_Bacon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:07:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is so cool!
JohnlockTheMusical ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:04:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is how an abundance of Katherine's should've been
mrs_farenheit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/u/thesoundandthefury
mandasnothere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:14 on September 2, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy the hell out of that book.
valentefd ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 04:37:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit that was beautiful, I'm going to try this as soon as I can.
BestRbx ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 04:39:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
This is amazing.
I want to do this too now. Here's my challenge for you: Make the most of your month of gold while you have it :)
Edit; 3 more golds since then, congrats man! The challenge still stands though ;)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's hard since gold doesn't seem to do anything...
Source: got gilded Yesterday
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Look how much more he has now.
BestRbx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:32:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel so unspecial for gifting it to him now xD
panaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It is over a years worth of gold now
WookieeBass ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 04:48:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This story has completely made me think of my life differently. I'm now going to take part of this challenge as well. Being an introvert with little to no friends, spending all my free time in my room, this should prove to be quite difficult. But I look forward to the challenge. This was a fantastic read. Thank you for bringing this specific story, on this specific night, at the moment when I might have needed it most.
Oh, and enjoy the gold. Happy travels, friend.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 04:56:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's amazing man! Can I have the honor of giving your first challenge? Go out someday and ask a complete stranger to tell you about their passion in life. Sit with them and listen until they have told you all they want to! You have the rest of your life to complete this challenge!
Pm me whenever man and we can chat about life!
WookieeBass ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:59:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the first step in the right direction for me. Thank you for the first challenge! The Ulysses Bucket List will always be a part of my life now.
Siridar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:31:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your story just changed somebody's life, that's amazing! Best of luck in finding her :D
Chazzem ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:46:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can I do this too? Please give me a challenge too!
L1feIsGood ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:49:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Part of me wishes Amanda would read your post and respond with an equally amazing story. While the other part of me thinks its best that you never see Amanda again because she's perfect in your memory, yet in reality she could be much different. Regardless, I thoroughly enjoyed your story. I'll be asking a stranger a challenge this coming week.
DavidTennantsTeeth ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 05:17:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Giving this a romantic comedy ending:
Amanda walked onto the stage of the quaint bistro in Italy. Now 28 years old, many people had enriched her life with their challenges. This was the only challenge that she had not yet completed, sing acapella in a room full of strangers. She scanned the crowd once, pushed her twinge of stage fright down deep, opened her mouth, and let the sound reverberate.
"Che fiero costume Dโaligero nume, Che a forza di pene si faccia adorar! E pur nellโ ardore Il dio traditore Un vago sembiante mi feโ idolatrar."
The sound of enthusiastic applause filled the room as Amanda bowed and left the stage. Finally her legs began to shake as the adrenaline wore off. Filled with accomplishment, she smiled to herself as a faintly familiar voice spoke to her from behind.
"That was beautiful. Too bad you didn't finish the challenge. Not everyone in the room was a stranger."
Could it be? Her heart raced within her chest as she slowly turned, eyes falling on a distant memory. He was older than the boy of 15, but it was definitely him.
She had believed that it would never happen yet here he was. A man. Now was the time. It had to be the time. She would ask him the question that she should have asked ten years ago.
"Can I get about tree fiddy?"
It was about that time that Yoinkie noticed Amanda was 500 feet tall and from the paleolithic era.
BattleAtron ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:30:43 on July 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hate you.
[deleted] ยท 855 points ยท Posted at 04:06:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a fantastic story but it sounds too good to be true,
DrZeuss ยท 1000 points ยท Posted at 04:36:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
True or not, it's made me want to try something new
Jeffplz ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 05:12:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Like fapping to gay porn while taking a poo,
Wait-- i've done that before, don't think it'll do
Sucking the dick of a male kangaroo?
Finger a hobo and let his dog join in too,
Squeeze the cum from his cock, oozing like goo?
[deleted] ยท 118 points ยท Posted at 05:21:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Aaaand I'm back to normal reddit...
EDIT: The comment above me is actually terrible... This wasn't any sort of compliment.
escalat0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:34:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Also known as making shitty jokes for karma, damn this was such a nice thread before this comment.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:54:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for these kind words, stranger. That story got me all sentimental and shit. Your lovely words put my game face back on. I'm glad I found you.
ExternalTangents ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:45:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, he said something new
tommygoogy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:16:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glorious
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:39:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's definitely a cool story. Maybe I'm just an asshole but I think if some random guy came up to me and asked me to challenge him I would tell him to go away.
jetsintl420 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:49:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't sound like it's just random people giving them. It's people that he had meaningful encounters or interactions with, which is why he wants to remember them in the first place.
onewhitelight ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:47:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cmon, live a little.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fine! Challenge me, bruh!
zang227 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:51:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Make 100 Submissions by the end of the year. As it seems you have none.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I don't have too much to share but the main reason I don't poat often is by the time I check Reddit all of the threads are like 15 hours old.
zang227 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Click on the new tab in what ever subreddit your in. It shows the most recent posts. Your probably only browsing on Hot. http://gyazo.com/6e49a7bd840f11d832a1663af5936877
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:04:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I never even realizd.
zang227 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's cool youve only been registered for 21 days, and you manged to get more total karma than me in the 10months ive been registered, so you got that going for you, which is nice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! I don't even know what karma does.
zang227 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutly nothing(well it exempts you from the captcha's but it only requires like 30 karma or something)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. One day I may achieve gold and see how the gilded live!
ToWaspOrNotToWasp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
CU_next_tuesday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's already working!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:05:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One day, my friend. One day.
roh8880 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would like you to go out to a public park and plant a small sapling tree, something that grows well in your area. Every year, on the anniversary that you planted it, go back to it if possible and sing aloud (and for the benefit of all those around you) Oh Danny Boy.
smack_cock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're such a cynic. Some people just are. :)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I guess I am. I try not to be.
persona_dos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, definitely the most important part of the read. Inspired me to challenge myself and meet new people.
supermav27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DAMNIT JERRY FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE NOT TRYING ANAL
dem_bond_angles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Right? I don't even care if it's true or not. It made me want to strive for something better. Holy crap. It's 3 am where I live right now and I want to pack a bag and drop my kayak and paddle as far as I can and see what happens.
cambodia87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit now I have to read it.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 727 points ยท Posted at 04:49:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man, sorry but I have no way to prove it to you. It was just a day long time ago that happened to me. It's your choice if you want to believe it or not, whichever gives you more joy. But I tried putting in my own life philosophies so at least you got some good feels out of those. Thanks for reading either way!
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:53:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Real or not maybe it will inspire some people.
isactuallyspiderman ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:28:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
That person's name? Amanda Albert Einstein.
uglyBaby ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:07:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
bdagostino11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It inspired me!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:57:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am doing that. I always meet people and never see them again,so thanks for the idea! You just challenged thousands of redditors to do this and thats awesome. Im leaving,so what you should do from me is hike up a huge mountain, just enjoy the views
Yoinkie2013 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:03:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for the challenge, I think I'll make it up to mt. Rainier in the next month! Just waiting for sun up here in Seattle. My challenge for you is to canoe to the middle of a lake with a friend and enjoy it for a while!
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:06:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cool! My first challenge! I will do that this summer! Thanks bro! That story was awesome! I wish you all the best!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to play! /u/Yoinkie2013 is probably getting inundated with challenges, so I'll challenge you and hope to hear back (and I typed the full /u for Yoinkie in case he wants to accept and respond also).
Challenge: Watch the film Reconstruction (2003, dir. Christoffer Boe) during a time of life when relationships are dominating your thoughts (ie: a newfound love interest, heartbreak or loss, longing or confusion, thoughts of infidelity, excitement to celebrate big wedding anniversary, etc.)
Yoinkie2013 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:41:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've screenshotted this movie name bad will watch it when I get a chance! Should I give you a movie one too? Watch the French movie "intouchables". I watched it recently and never have of felt such happiness from a foreign movie. I laughed and I cried. Please let me know what you think of it, and I will tell you my thoughts in yours!
flickering_candles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:30:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
intouchables is fantastic
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I will do that! From me you should be totally honest with someone,whether its good or bad.
phoenixink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect response :-) Thanks for sharing your stories.
obvious_santa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I believe.
Miss_rampage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the feels!!! Great story!!
seafood10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am a believer!
JCSwneu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I say the only semblance of proof you could provide would probably just be a picture of the Ulysses book. But nonetheless, the writing and story was fantastic and inspiring.
M002 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
so what happened after the train ride... did you return home?
Ranzok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:08:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just tell him you love him and respect him him. Then you only have 1 more to go!
michaelconnery1985 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How did you manage to meet those people from all over the world?
masgrada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Start filming with your camera any conversations on phone. YouTube that hit.
CarlsbadChronicles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yoinkie, I believe I have stumbled across your blog before and read a few of the stories you posted. Id have to assume you are the same yoinkie from highdeas, where I use to enjoy reading the stories you wrote there before that site got saturated with ignorance. Anyways, if it is the same person, brilliant writing man, looking forward to read more.
teddim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't need a proof, but those who do might be satisfied with a picture of Ulysses and a note saying you're /u/Yoinkie2013 (so they know that at least you own that book).
Amazing story, by the way. Thanks.
Rakonas ยท 431 points ยท Posted at 04:53:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a terrible way to look at the internet. There are 7 billion people on this planet, probably more than a billion speak english. So long as a thing is possible, there's no reason to dismiss something as untrue just because it's unlikely. Any one person's life from start to finish is extremely unlikely to have happened in that exact fashion, but each certainly did.
FrankOBall ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:19:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That, and I personally dislike the implications of the phrase "too good to be true".
Yes, sometimes life can be rough, very rough or even horrible, but that doesn't mean that good things don't happen, as well.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:45:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
but my life is empty and pointless so i cant relate
Kombat_Wombat ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:11:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a terrible way. I looked at it with a critical eye as well. It's tough to put yourself up to a lens of perfection where you constantly step outside your comfort zone and strive for beauty, happiness and whatever ideal you can think of.
It's not just tough, it's futile, anxiety inducing and turbulent. For many.
It's a fantastic story because it is indeed fantastical. In no way did the writer convey all of his feelings, wants and needs at the time. He wrote to an audience that wants to be free to an extent, and that's why he's getting upvotes. We can talk about why this writing appeals to all of us, but there is no way that the writing should somehow be a creed.
We want to be free and to have someone tell us what to do. It's amazing to have that. But! I argue that it is better and more challenging to have that voice already present in ourselves. It's better for everyone to act how ourselves wants us to act.
RidleyOReilly ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:54:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man. I can't really think of a quality response to this, but I'd like to let you know that I thought it was interesting as hell.
XD003AMO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thats actually kinda beautiful and will always make me rethink my doubt.
gableingaround ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:00:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually more than improbable to have occurred exactly the way it did - it's impossible! And yet, there it is! Life is grand.
Funkstrman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, Rakonas.
abnerjames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God bless this response 100000x over.
itsamelauren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful.
Hoooooooar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your face is untrue.
naughtyhegel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i like your style /u/rakonas; im a noob so dont have the gif to prove it.. someone gif me!
Gruntr ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:45:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/zHDt5HZ.gif
Interesting story, too. I don't get what sounds so unbelievable about it. I mean, the guy didn't do anything miraculous.. he just talked to people and they gave him advice and challenges.
naughtyhegel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
hey thanks!
ChickensDontClap90 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:35:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm ok with that.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:04:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Then make it true, start your own Ulysses bucket list :)
TheViolentDelight ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:11:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I dont think it matters. If it isn't true then maybe its something s/he wants everyone to think about
NoFucksGiveth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:12:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The point of this thread was to tell a story, whether it is true or not.
CelestialOtter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:38:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
True or not, it's an amazing story that I choose to believe. I think just because there is no way of proving a story written by an anonymous person does not mean it is automatically fake. I've found this is rather common on reddit and wish it could change. Hell, that's my challenge to all the people out there who do this: assume the best in people. It can change your outlook on things for the better.
robertobacon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:09:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But does it have to be true? Setting aside the fact that if you came into this thread looking for 100% true stories you're delusional, it also really doesn't matter. It'll have the same impact on others whether it is true or not. That's what writing and storytelling is all about. You make what you want out of the story, and get what you want out of it. If you take his life advice, and 5 years down the road find out he was lying, you still had a lasting impact on many many others. And I find that really fucking cool.
Dozck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:17:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a story, not all of them are real!
aethelmund ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:34:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
After reading such a great story who cares if it's real, the impression it leaves is.
_strobe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:51:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just learn something from it then!
TTUporter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:57:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Does it matter? A story is a story whether it is true or not.
MannerPots ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:59:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Vancouver has a lot of people who would do things like this. It's a cool city.
helium_farts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's pretty awesome either way.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I could see it being a really awesome feel good movie of the year.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes but, I couldn't have copied and pasted anything as beautiful as this myself.
drumogre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The question is, does it really matter if it is true or not? Does reading this story give you an inspiration to try something that you never would have done? Does it, even if ever so slightly, cause you to look at the world in a different way? To reframe you're perspective so that you notice all the fantastic and not fantastic things that exist in this world? If it does even an iota if that then the story has a worth.
I_Am_KimJongUn_AMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At least she didn't ask him for tree-fiddy
Duelist925 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So? Who cares.
If you don't think its true, make it true.
Go out and do something like this. The story is fantastic. If you don't think its reality, well, make it so.
prtyfly4awytguy9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand how some dude in the hotel gym had a profound impact on the guy's life...or a girl on a plane....or a random couple on the beach.
thefox18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:47 on June 22, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
B
XmasCarroll ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:55:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Quick Google search suggests it is. but it still is damned good.
Edit: Apparently a lot of the sites have the same author /u/Yoinkie2013. I now withdraw what I say.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. Why do people feel the need to say this happened to them? Maybe this is the guy and he wrote about it all over the internet.
XmasCarroll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe, but odds yo. I think I'm gonna ask people this question every so often. I like it.
TheConfuzzler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All the sites have the same author, Yoinkie, which is also the same username as the guy
XmasCarroll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, now I feel like a liar. Editing my comment.
Kattzalos ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's gonna blow up anyway
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:58:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was expecting the Loch Ness monster about halfway through.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:32:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
the_bipolar_bear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...he said its taken 12 years to read
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:56:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
the_bipolar_bear ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:57:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well he also said that he only has thirty pages left
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:03:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
the_bipolar_bear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, as in reading it a few pages at a time. Not restarting every time he picks it up
morejosh ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:52:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What? Meeting people? And talking to them? Oh nonsense! Never happens.
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 04:42:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely a good story.
JasonSmi ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:24:59 on June 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should do a TedTalk
mighty-wombat ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:52:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Found the same text here, written in 2012 : http://highdeas.com/hd/The_Ulysses_Bucket_List
Even if it's him, that means he is stuck on the last 30 pages of the book for 2 years?
nerdybirdie ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:34:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, shit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:45:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seems like it's him. Look at the name:
The guy's reddit name is yoinkie2013.
mighty-wombat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:05:05 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well it's not that difficult to create a username similar to the one in the article. Especially when you add numbers behind it.
putontheglasses ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:42:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This moved me to tears. Thank you for sharing.
QuartrMastr ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:21:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God damn, that's beautiful.
IeMang ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:59:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
10/10, that was a great read! I may have to adopt your (or Amanda's) Ulysses bucket list concept. I'm sort of in a lost and directionless time in my life right now, but your story has given me a bit of inspiration to move in a new direction. Thank you very much for that!
Now, if it's alright, I'd like to ask you a favor (or a challenge). When you get around to skydiving, get to the drop zone the night before you're set to jump and hang around the bonfire. You'll find that the sport is about so much more than just jumping out of airplanes! You're bound to meet some great people, and I'm sure that if to spend just one night around them you'll be left with an impact upon your life. I may have never met you in person, but your philosophy fascinates me and like I said earlier, I would like to take your advice and begin to create my own Ulysses bucket list. I figure I may as well start now by giving you this challenge! However, I'd also like to give you the option to deny my challenge if you feel that it will taint the significance behind the original skydiving challenge of the women you met on the plane (seeing as you may then associate part of the experience with me, a random internet stranger, rather than the memory of the woman who left an impact upon your life). If you do choose to deny the challenge, then I'd strongly recommend that you still show up to the dropzone a day early or just stick around after your jump and mingle with the community.
Now do you think that you could start me off by giving me a challenge? We may have never met, but I'd like to keep the philosophy of your story strong within my mind as it's certainly left an impression within me already. I'm sure I'll remember it anyways, but I'd appreciate it if I was given a challenge to go along with the memory.
Thank you very much for posting!
Yoinkie2013 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:15:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've been searching for someone to go with for a very long time! If even one of my friends offered, I would go in a minute. And I love your idea! I'll be sure to message about how it went once I get around to finding someone to go with! Thank you.
My challenge to you: rent atvs(or bikes) and take them out to somewhere far outside the cities. Get you and your friends, and ride off the beaten path and ride(don't fogey your gps and phone for safety) until you find. Spot so beautiful, you can't go any farther. Set up camp and drink and relax under the stars with the people you love. You must be very very far from the next nearest human!
IAmMosh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:32:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you still live in Vancouver? If you do, how would you feel about going for coffee?
Yoinkie2013 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:42:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm down! I live in Seattle now, but still go to Vancouver once a month.
IAmMosh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:43:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful. Just sent your story to a buddy of mine (we're two 20 year old guys) and he loved it as well. If we find ourselves in Seattle (we often do) I'll PM you or something.
Chickenfoot117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seattle's an awesome place.
Okay, you got me, I'm really just replying so I can save this comment. Hope this shit works out, dude.
Stizzrickle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shiiiitttt. PM me sometime if you feel like grabbing a beer. I work in Seattle, live in Kent.
TragicallyCute ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 04:28:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If my bank account weren't empty you'd have gold right now for this.
WookieeBass ยท 196 points ยท Posted at 04:48:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry, I got it for him.
str8sweatin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:37:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Such a good man!
_janson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:52:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He got moneeey
NotABillionaire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you
always_polite ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:42:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks bro, now get it for me too.
Scottvrakis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:22:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*Please.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:34:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At least somebody around here is always_polite.
Scottvrakis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.... Yay?
WookieeBass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or... No.
Buttagood4you ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:18:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckkk dude you gave me tears reading this, im seriously going to save this and remember this to have as my life standard. Your story sounded so beautiful words cant even describe the feels im getting. I'm touched by your story.
spacegeekchick ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:24:34 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The suspense is killing me, I created a reddit account just to follow the story!
ayaashm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:44:38 on September 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to keep this..forever.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:46:42 on September 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hope you enjoy it :)
MEAAAAAT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:27:05 on September 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I might have missed the answer, but did you ever meet up with her? How was it? Do you have a link to an answer you gave about this or are willing to answer right now? Sorry I'm very curious..
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:14:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever thought about making this idea a subreddit? /r/UlyssesBucketList?
Aeonica ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:43:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kind sir/ma'am, if all you've written about is true, I will sincerely ask for you to write an autobiography. I would read the living fuck out of it. You seem to have many tales to tell.
DonDraperInTheTardis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:38:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This really is amazing.
Preum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:46:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Until I looked at the user name I was about to say you stole this from yoinkie on Highdeas. Love your content man
Yoinkie2013 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I'm one and the same. What's up highdeas brother! Sad how that site has gone completely downhill man.
Preum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately yes, however, your stuff keeps me checking back every now and again! The synchronicity series you had was fucking mind blowing. So good.
Fulller ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:49:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is awesome. Somebody quick, give me a challenge!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:21:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Create a personal time capsule to be opened by you in ten or twenty years. Put photographs, a letter to your future self, or anything that will show what you're like now.
RubberDong ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:12 on July 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Go fuck yourself.
sillykatface ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:59:22 on October 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well now I've got a wet face and a fuzzy warm feeling. What a beautiful story โกโกโก
Zbignich ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:41:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My allergies. That's probably what got tears in my eyes.
NextCaesar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:04:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should try your hand at writing a book. And also when you really think about it Reddit is a massive collaboration of strangers sharing experiences ideas and news!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I get the feeling there will be a subreddit created around this concept soon.
TheBeardedBallsack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:19:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brought a tear to my eye
EvrydayImAmpersandin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Where do you get the clam hearts and brains? Can you buy them separately from the rest of the clam?
RoundPancakes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:19:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you write the goals down or do you just remember them?
Yoinkie2013 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:30:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My phones note pad is full of them!
RoundPancakes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:40:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Another question. What are some challenges you gave to others?
IAmTehKodo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:23:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is insanely inspirational to me. You've opened my eyes to a world of possibilities I'd never have considered before. I would like nothing more than the honour of having you issue me my first challenge!
Yoinkie2013 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:33:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But of course! Go to a relgious temple. Doesn't matter if you are religious or not. Many church's are beautiful and should be respected and appreciated. Honor their customs whilst you are there!
brad_harless2010 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:55:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This just... made me feel good. I truly needed something like this. I tend to be cynical and angry, but this gave me a warm feeling that I've missed.
I want you to know that while you have all of these great experiences from the strangers, all of them have been given a gift from you through this. It was a very kind read.
My challenge to you is to write a story. Your experiences with people will allow you to have good insight on humanity. You could even write about your own life.
People like you make me want to read your stories from start to finish.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:02:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've been writing a novel for the past two years! I get stuck in long writers blocks on it, but someone once told me even the greatest authors take years to write stories. I can't force and have stopped putting a time crunch on it. I've also written a lot of other short stories. I can share some with you if you'd like!
WredOctober ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:15:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You write? I need someone to write my story. No rush. Can take years if you want. It needs to be told. It's a good one. Looks like you have a lot going on with this thread. :) Take your time responding. And don't feel obligated. You never know til you ask, right?
ever_eddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:12:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Possibly the best thing I have ever read on Reddit (or anywhere else for that matter)!
You have inspired me and I will try to follow your advice. Would you do me the honour of setting me my first challenge?
Also, I really hope you are reunited with Amanda, it would be the perfect conclusion to a perfect story!
EDIT BTW you are a great writer.
Yoinkie2013 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:20:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ask a friend or family member what a goal is in there life that is accomplishable but they just can't seem to get it done. Use everything in your power to help them reach their goal! And thank you for the kind words!
Indie_Folk_You ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
amroki96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:16:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As a current 17 year old Amanda, this story freaked me out a little.
silviod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
posting just to say i was fucking here.
s15slider ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:52:56 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
PLEASE DELIVER! JESUS CHRIST I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN SO BAD.
Type40BlueBox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:36 on July 19, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It happened.
pouizh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:25:47 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you just changed a lot of people's life (mine too). I thank you for that
scratch741 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:20:25 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dang, this is only a day old. I was expecting some sort of 3 year old post here. Thank you for that inspiring story, I hope that you do finish every challenge that people give you, and I wish you the best of luck.
atdonaubauer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:24:39 on May 19, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sooooo...?
FaolPlay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:31:53 on May 19, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Been checking this reply every night in hope that it would be the same person. So happy that it was, thank you for confirming
dontknowmeatall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:09:43 on May 20, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is going to the movie, right? Reddit finding her. Are we gonna be part of the movie? :D
Timotheusss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:07:36 on October 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kind Yoinkie, you are amazing. Can I have a challenge?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for sharing this. This mantra is beautiful and kinda want to adopt this concept for myself as well.
BeeHammer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's a mazing story, thank you!
NorCal-DNB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
luigi?
Connorthe1Great ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was amazing. Thank you.
FingerPokeOfDoom ยท 130 points ยท Posted at 08:46:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Once upon a time on Reddit, I started telling the story of my missing half-brother that I never met.
Right here is the original comment from the "Has anyone you've known simply disappeared?" post 9 months ago, and here is an addendum from the same thread.
At the time, lots of people posting wanting to know how it all turned out, but I never had a good place to post it. So...here we go!
So, Chris came out last September and stayed with the family for a week. The look on her face and the energy my mom had during that week were amazing. I guess it's too be expected when being reunited with her first-born son after not seeing him in 40 years, previously not knowing if she ever would see him again. We learned all about his family, his successful business, and what had happened in those 40 years. We especially wanted to learn about what his father had told him about his mom and what happened. They had moved around all over Europe and even Argentina before going to Australia. He said he knew his mom was out there somewhere, but didn't know how to find her. She isn't online and he obviously didn't know her remarried name to find any of us.
This past March, the entire AU family came to California. My mom got to meet her grandkids for the first time. I got to hang out with my niece and nephews and really bonded with all of them. They stayed for two weeks and really enjoyed America. We found out that fish tacos are a foreign and gross-sounding concept to Australians. Also, walking into a sporting goods store and seeing guns in the open for sale completely blew their mind. They just don't see that down there! As a surprise, I got a couple of my friends to meet up with us and we took everyone to a shooting range. I had never been shooting either, but the two boys were beyond excited to shoot a few different guns at the range with their dad and uncle. They had some great pictures taken while shooting and had some major bragging rights when they got home. On the last few days of their visit, my mom & dad stayed home but I took everyone else down to Disneyland for 3 days. It was such a blast to experience a place that I had practically grown up in as a kid, but to see it through the eyes of kids doing it all for their first time.
Anyway, a happy ending for everyone. We all Skype as frequently as we can on weekends. Chris is already planning another solo visit here in a few months. I think the next trip will have to be myself going Down Under and check out their world!
Thanks for all the kind words a few months ago Reddit. I had no idea there would be so much support out there.
sizo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:34:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unreal story! I hadn't seen the other threads at the time but I've just read through them and I'm so happy for you all that this turned out so great. Thanks for posting. Did you ever find out what Chris' father told him about his mum?
fontophilic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So what kind of story did the father tell your brother? Did he always know he was kidnapped?
stuffandthat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:08:17 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As an Australian, I can say that fish tacos sound like a shit idea!
def_leper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great story dude. Where in Aus are they?
FingerPokeOfDoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just outside of Sydney
Lord_Crumb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember reading the first parts all those months ago! So happy to hear about this!
FingerPokeOfDoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks!
msuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:21 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a beautiful story. This must be such an amazing thing to happen for you and your family.
time_fo_that ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:41 on May 16, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This story put a huge smile on my face.
PausedFox ยท 768 points ยท Posted at 03:04:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My married, obese, 80 year old grandmother tries to catfish men online for fake online gambling money (as in games where it is 100% virtual money, no actual cash input). She thinks no one knows. She has a profile picture of this skinny big-busted 20-something girl and she gets phone calls from a few guys sheโs trying to sucker in (but she sneaks off so her conversations are private and tries to say theyโre just friends and gets defensive about it).
However: Sheโs actually horrible with technology and at one point she got a new laptop and a family member was helping her to set it up. She had a messaging service in the background and one of her โfriendsโ messaged her. Well, apparently she hit something on accident and triggered the webcam. She didnโt realize what happened but the relative who was helping her did and quickly covered the webcam (because none of us want to get in the middle of her awkward and drama) but not before her โguy friendโ started sending messaging asking what the hell just showed up on his screen and what was going on.
We never found out exactly how it went, but we believe she lied/covered up the situation to say whatever he saw wasn't her.
[deleted] ยท 328 points ยท Posted at 05:33:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How can an 80-y.o. pass as someone in their twenties on the phone??
Huntred ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 07:22:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you heard Lindsay Lohan's voice recently?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:04:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Desperate horny guys can be very good at self deception.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:08:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, peoples' voices do sound different over the phone because of the way that phones work.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 08:13:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, but my grandmother, on the phone, does not sound 20. You might think "oh you know her so you recognize her" but I can (of course) also tell if a friend of her calls, which happens rarely but is easy to spot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It can be pretty hard to recognise a voice on the phone without context though, ie. stuff like caller ID or already knowing the speaker simply because of the frequency lost in transmission. I myself sound like a ten year old girl over the phone apparently. I'm not saying it's certain in this situation I'm just saying it's plausible that her voice would sound different to someone looking at it from a different context. That or the guys really were just that dumb.
skelebone ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:11:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If sitcom television has taught me anything, it's by using a patois of slang and teen-speak that's at least 20 years out-of-date
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.soundcloud.com/ilikeeatingbrains/how-old-is-u-ilikeeatingbrains
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:19:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Newp!
romanovitch420 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:01:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
24
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nup!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:39:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nein!
AWTom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:25:30 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
16?
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:12 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nรฆp!
AWTom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:08:56 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can you give us a clue?
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:22:09 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A clue a clue!
AWTom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:02:29 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you 23?
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:26:45 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER.
You have won a free user sketch!
I will need to know your favourite thing to eat or use, and a synopsis of your basic appearance. Gender is also helpful!
AWTom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:09 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I like to use vim, and pretend that I look like this.
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:30:59 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Real things, tom.
AWTom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:32 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I like being safe on motorcycles.
SomalianRoadBuilder ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:34:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's fucking hilarious.
fiqar ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:24:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty impressive. My grandmother is a similar age and I doubt she even knows how to do online gambling.
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
my only surviving grandma doesn't even know how to go online.
rocketmonkeys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man... Do you think organized catfishing could become a legitimate (illegal) source of income? Like a room full of catfishers targeting people in other countries?
Kylar_Stern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What I want to know is how an obese woman made it to 80
IGotBigStuffGoingOn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
80 years old? That's pretty fucking impressive...wrong...but impressive
BerryPop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is what I want to do when I'm 80!
CrazyCriminal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Sorry, trying to teach my grandma how my computer works!"
monkeysquirts ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:39:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ha
JoseFernandes ยท -24 points ยท Posted at 05:32:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
/r/thathappened
EDIT: Downvotes? Okay, let's all brush over the fact that a 80 year old voice is similar enough to a 20 year old to fool guys over the phone. Jesus, you guys are dumb fucks...
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 07:34:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
PausedFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can only imagine what would happen if she got one of those malwares/ransomwares that reflects your webcam back at you.
Lachwen ยท 287 points ยท Posted at 06:44:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I got to help out the local PD with active shooter training.
After Columbine, many local PDs started training their officers to be quasi-SWAT when responding to an active shooter (since people weren't happy that the Colorado police just waited outside Columbine for SWAT to show up while the shooters continued to shoot kids). My brother was taking Criminal Justice classes at the time and his CJ fraternity was asked to assist with a round of training; they were going to be doing the training exercises in our high school and wanted volunteers to play victims/terrified students to make the simulations seem more real. Being the Annoying Little SisterTM I of course asked if I could tag along, and was told I could.
They ran the training exercises for about four hours a day for five days (this was during the summer) and it was a blast. At first they just had us play victims, lying on the ground and grabbing at the officer's ankles as they passed or running screaming from classrooms as they cleared the halls. A couple of my friends also tagged along the second day and made it even more fun. One thing I remember very clearly was my (female) friend lying on the floor, "dead," and when the four cops on that particular simulation came around the corner I ran towards them screaming "OH MY GOD, THEY SHOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" (I am also female.) The officer on point stopped, lowered his weapon, and said "What?"
On the final day, for some reason I was the only volunteer who showed up. They couldn't very easily have only one person playing victim, so the trainers told me I could play the part of the shooter for that day's exercises. SWEET! I got to spend the afternoon running through my old high school, shooting at cops with an airsoft AR-15 and not getting in trouble for it.
The very best part, though, was at the end of one particular training run. There were about two dozen cops going through the training each day, but only four went through the simulation at a time, so the rest just hung around at the staging area waiting their turn. As we came back to the staging area, one of the cops who was waiting asked me if they'd shot me. I said "Yeah, they shot me in the ass! Who shoots someone in the ass?!" The cop chuckled and drawled "Weellllllll, they do train us to aim for the largest part of a person." The other cops started laughing, and I just gave him my best unimpressed face and countered "Well then, I guess you'll never ever have to worry about anyone aiming between your legs, will you?"
The other cops lost their shit. Howling with laughter, lots of "OOOOOHHH!" and pointing at the cop who'd teased me (who only managed a weak "Hey!" in return). The one female cop who was there literally fell off her chair laughing. It was one of my proudest moments.
Edit: holy crap, gold for a month-old post?
BeatnikThespian ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 09:43:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like a blast, definitely jealous you got to run around shooting cops with an airsoft gun.
Lachwen ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 09:54:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It really was. Especially since it was my old high school, so I knew the place well. I knew all the holes to hide in, all the rooms that were interconnected. I led them on a number of merry chases. It was the greatest day ever.
KingGuiseppi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:11:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of the greatest stories I have ever read. I love the jokes at the end.
Jaytho ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:13:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, that was amazing. SO jealous of that last day.
Whiteout- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:55:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Rekt
SirKosys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:06:25 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Niiiice comeback!
felixdadodo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:10:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why the fuck is this not top comment!? This sounds awesome! I'd love to do that!
Lachwen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:30:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got to the thread late.
felixdadodo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. :(
TheAsianIsGamin ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:07:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So if you shot one, did they have to exit the simulation?
P.S. rekt
Lachwen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:19:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No. The officers were instructed to not acknowledge successful hits against them. Apparently studies have shown that officers who don't "die" when shot in training actually have a better chance of surviving if shot in real life.
TheAsianIsGamin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
... H-how do you test that?
Lachwen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:32 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. That's just what the folks running the training told us when they explained why the cops wouldn't go down when hit.
Rasselas ยท 403 points ยท Posted at 07:04:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up in a war region, a few miles from the front lines. After the war had ended and the area was recaptured, those of us who stayed were going through a rough time. There was hatred, cold and seething in people's eyes as I'd walk down the street. The prices of everything skyrocketed as a proper economy was reestablished.
I was in high school. Classes were separated according to the ethnicity of the students and teachers. Two parallel schools in one.
I'd always been an artistic person, an introvert who never belonged. When I transferred to this school, I kept to myself. My sister quickly formed a network of friendships, but I remained alone. In the afternoon shift, it would get dark when we were going home from school. An hour's bus ride, and then a half-hour walk. There wasn't much streetlight, aside from an occasional front light on a house. Stray dogs would corner you sometimes, barking madly.
The monthly bus pass cost a fortune. For families with more than one child, moreso. Some children were pulled out of school because their parents weren't able to afford it. It was another silent point of pressure. Go away. You are not wanted here.
At the start of the month, there would be a grace period of a couple days, giving time to renew the bus pass. That day, my sister and I were given money for a single ticket each, just in case the driver didn't respect the grace period. It was a large sum in one paper bill, which my sister put in her wallet. We asked the driver if our pass was still valid for the day. He gave a sullen, disinterested nod and we boarded the bus to school.
Night had fallen as I waited alone for the bus back. My sister had gone off with her friends to the larger bus station, where there were shops and light and company. I'd meet her on the bus when I got on, as usual.
The bus driver scoffed at my expired pass, as I looked frantically for her in the back of the bus. My sister wasn't there. She'd caught a ride with a friend's mom, as I later found out. The driver demanded that I pay the ticket, and my wallet was empty. He started shouting at me, berating me. The bus was unmoving, everyone inside staring at the scene in some sort of numb paralyzed state. This is not my problem, their eyes said. If it were my problem, I'd be fucked. This is not my problem.
There was a brief moment where I went through my options, in some hazy, distanced place in my head underneath all the shouting. There were no cellphones back then, they were still a luxury item for rich businessmen. The post office was closed, even if I had the money for a call. Even if I called, my father was away on business, there'd be no one to come for me. I could not walk home, it was too far. It was night in a mean little town where windows were shuttered fast after sundown. My only option would be to walk to a random door and knock, hoping for the best. It was the briefest moment as the realization converged on me, still standing on the bus steps being shouted at.
Something broke inside me. It was a memory that spanned through all the years of a troubled life's misery. Events forgotten and tucked away, that went in weird parallels with this one. Shouting at me. It felt as if I'd been building a large tower on the foundations of misery, brick by brick of pain with pain as mortar inbetween. It was some kind of defense, and it all crashed down on me in that instant.
It wasn't just that man, the bus driver who seemed to realize that he was being a jerk. His face was contorted in that expression of a good man who knew he had to act this way. It was everything that had happened to bring me there.
I broke down crying, but you have to understand, it wasn't just normal crying. It was a deluge, and I couldn't stop. I felt the eyes of everyone there bearing down on me with painful awareness, with acute embarrassment. And I couldn't stop, the tears were too much for my head, the sounds coming from my throat were horrifying. I kept trying to stop, but it was like trying to stop an avalanche, completely hopeless.
A young woman came from the back of the bus and paid for my ticket. It was our new teacher of literature, an eccentric with short-cropped blonde hair and a childishly colorful backpack. I probably sobbed through a thank-you as I took a seat, continuing to cry with the same intensity to the end of the ride.
On the walk home, I was still trying to calm down. I'd finally get it under control, then I'd start crying again. I didn't want to be asked questions by my family, I didn't want to have to talk about it. Somehow I managed to plaster on a reasonably calm exterior, before I rang the doorbell. It broke down anyway the moment my mother asked what's wrong. I was severely depressed for a month after. I'd stopped eating and lost a lot of weight. My stomach felt lighter that way, and somehow that alleviated the clump of pain that was there. I could only curl up in dark thoughts, and I don't remember most of those days. Eventually I dug through myself and found a way out, with a few charcoal paintings guiding the way. It was blinding light in forceful contrast with the deepest darkness. It was very good charcoal.
Several years later, I was living in a city many miles away. One morning I went to the store, and a newspaper article drew my attention. The name of my former literature teacher was there, saying she'd won a million on a TV show. What? I looked again, wondering if it was the same person, staring at the letters with the newspaper in my hands.
I watched the show in tears. It was her. All I could think was, if there ever was a person to deserve it, it would be her.
rodmandirect ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 07:14:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kudos to you - tremendous story. I really have taken a lot of things for granted in my life. Thank you for sharing.
Rasselas ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 07:33:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I still cry whenever I tell the story, but it feels a little better with each retelling. Thank you for reading it and responding kindly.
PhunnelCake ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:06:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
what country?
sbbln314159 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:07 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
he left it out intentionally. it's not relevant to the story.
PhunnelCake ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:58:36 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just curious
allmyrabbits ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:29:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a very moving and well-written story. Do you write short stories? If not, you should. You write well.
I know how it feels, that burden of thoughts and emotions and how overwhelming it is when you can't take anymore. I know how bit by bit all those thoughts and events pile up in your head and take on a powerful, grotesque form. I'm glad you got out of that depression, its a tough thing to do because without a change in the circumstances, there isn't much to hold on to, no hope. I'm just really glad to know things turned out well. I'm hoping you're doing well now.
Rasselas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 11:44:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I keep retelling stories from my life because I feel like I need to. Maybe the next retelling will be better, less tell and more show. Eventually I hope I can gather them all together in some kind of meaningful way.
allmyrabbits ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:50:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you feel like it, do send me a link to those stories if you post them anywhere or DM me your writings. You will always have a reader in me.
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:42:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you don't mind me asking, what region? I have a very close friend (eastern European) who has experienced somewhat similar post-war issues.
Rasselas ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:09:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Something like that. I already feel very exposed so I'd rather not go in too much detail, unless I have to.
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:22:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For sure. No worries at all - it's an amazing story.
ErlendJ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:40:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd guess probably Serbia/Croatia.
allmyrabbits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:30:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope your friend is doing well now.
Sofakiiing ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:01:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I keep thinking, if there ever was a person to deserve it, it would be you.
postingstuff ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:59:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't like reading books, but if you wrote a book I would buy it, and read it cover to cover.
ThatVoodooChick ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:15:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry I could not buy you a ticket back then. Have an upvote.
Rasselas ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:09:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you.
Wouter10123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:51:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And this, kids, is why we go to school by bike instead of by bus.
Rasselas ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:24:43 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, I love this comment! Sadly, the distance to high school was too far for biking, especially in winter conditions. We rode our bikes everywhere as kids. We went on "expeditions" and ended up who knows where, stealing fruit from an orchard because we were dying of thirst.
Our expeditions were kind of dangerous, in retrospect. Even though we were always trying to be careful, look where we step, not approach anything strange. Years later, I went back to visit, and they'd put up warning signs for mines. I scratched my head, because where the signs were? We went way past behind those signs all the time as kids.
I, uh, I wish I knew who gave me reddit gold so I could thank them! I've been floored by all the nice comments here, and I feel a bit overwhelmed and don't even know how to reply. I wish I could give every and each one of you a hug. It was a difficult thing for me to write, and yet it's something I need to write. I have to do something with this story I've lived through, I have to do it justice.
hatwearer777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You have my face all tensed up with emotion
wserin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow
spoonybardisyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:55 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bosnia?
GuiltyKitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:21 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who grew up in Eastern Europe, it's amazing how one can recognize it just by the feeling and general depression that, to this day, still lingers and permeates the countries.
Hope you're doing much better!
robdag2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:08 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You have fantastic writing style.
FrisianDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:56 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd try to send that teacher a congratulation and a thank you.
Pwnzu_Sauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:21 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Truly incredible, and incredibly well written. You have a talent.
shadizzle ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:52:28 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How are you doing now, OP?
Rasselas ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:40:47 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a difficult question to answer. Sometimes I say that I've been blessed, or cursed with an interesting life. That didn't change even after I moved.
There are some weights you carry with you all your life. I just hope I can carry them with some grace.
Most of my life's disappointments are that I couldn't develop my art, and a lot of my troubles stem from trying to change that. I can say one thing though, I'll always be thankful for the Internet. Among other things, it's what helped me develop English language skills so that I will be able to tell my story.
Rasselas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:45 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
These are the charcoal paintings that I drew as a healing thing, a way out of the depression (and a couple others, what I managed to grab and scan). The ones I mentioned in the story.
http://imgur.com/a/iwsms
duke78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:35 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Very nice!
shadizzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:17 on May 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And your story is something that is so powerful! It impacts so many people, some of which you will never know how! I wish you the best
lordofthepancake ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:22 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It sucks that all I can do is upvote this.
ceedubs2 ยท 246 points ยท Posted at 03:45:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For Valentine's Day, I booked a dinner cruise on a river boat for my girlfriend. It was to be '30s-'40s-themed, the menu included steak and heaping bowls of pasta - just seemed to be the perfect date night.
Well, when we got on the boat, we're immediately seated next to a family of five, of whom the parents have clearly stopped trying - the kids are running in circles around their table and banging silverware; the parents are lazily spreading butter on the rolls, staring at nothing in particular. But surely the music will drown them out, and the food will make up for it.
Well, the food was actually a buffet - not specified in the ad. Okay, fine. I like buffets. Well, all of the tongs were sticky. The steak tasted and smelled like cheese, so I didn't take any more bites. My date gagged on a crab cake. Surely they can't go wrong with the dessert, right? Nope, cheesecake was frozen solid.
Heh, heh. Okay, okay. I'm in college and I paid over $100 for this. The music better be freaking good because I swear I am going to get some pussy after this.
Enter the DJ. No instruments, no introduction. Waddles out in his best overweight Jimmy Buffet impression, slaps his ass on a folding chair, and starts up his iPod. Lots of Billy Joel and Buffet. Jesus Christ, somebody bring me a handgun. I start staring out at the window wistfully. It's time to go outside; I need fresh air.
My date, by the way, is laughing so hard at this. She can't believe how bad it is. We go outside, and remember, it's February, and we're on a river. So we're freezing, but I just can't go back Margarita Hell. At least the view from the river will be something.
Wait. Everything's covered in bird shit. Literally. It's like Baghdad out here.
No matter. The view will be perfect. It has to be.
Where are the vistas? This - this is just factories. Silt factories. On hte other side of the river, it's too dark to see any of the natural beauty of the marsh, so all we can do is admire the lit-up belching smoke towers.
When the boat finally turns to head back to the dock, I get excited for the first time that night. I just want to get off the boat. So I head back downstairs and wait right by the door.
Hold on, says the DJ. We haven't announced the birthdays yet, says the DJ. My head swivels frantically as I notice several groups of underage drunks are in rare form. They have been given maracas. Dear God, in the name of all that is holy, THEY HAVE BEEN GIVEN MARACAS!!
The DJ starts reading off the list. There is waaay too many cheers for this to be a coincidence. Every one of the screaming teenagers has submitted their name to it being their birthday. And they cheer and maraca every name away.
FUCKING GOD KILL ME NOW. My date sees that my eyeballs are straining to leave my skull, and is leaning on the wall, trying desperately not to burst out laughing.
We finally make it back to port before I throw a chair through a window and swim towards the nearest open shark mouth.
tl;dr: Never go on the Savannah River Boat Cruise.
Setari ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:53:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I kind of was expecting a 'and this will be our 4th year of marriage' at the end there. What happened to the rest of the relationship if you don't mind me asking?
ceedubs2 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:21:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, let's see . . . this happened during my first or second year that we dated. We got married a few years after that. Unfortunately, the marriage only lasted four years. Kind of a downer ending, but eh. I'm happy now.
m8888888 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:40:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is Baghdad covered in birdshit? I've never been.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 08:06:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
But did you get did that pussy?
ceedubs2 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:25:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember. But back in our dating days we screwed like rabbits, so probably.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:55:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thatoneguy172 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:46:14 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, yes he did.
elshroom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So teen out of ten?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:09:43 on June 3, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Ga as well, thanks so much for the warning!
MFSkunk17 ยท 114 points ยท Posted at 09:06:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One day (the day before christmas about 5 years ago, I think) I called up my buddy to meet up with him at the mall for some very last minute shopping. I get there before he does and was playing some tetris on my phone when this old man in an electric wheelchair start rolling towards me. He had been rolling around asking people around the mall entrance for help, but couldn't figure out with what exactly just from overhearing and playing my game. I assumed he wanted some change the way he was asking and the way people were denying him. I was in a good mood and prepared to get out my wallet when he hit me with "hey buddy, could you help me out with something?". I paused and started to nod when he continued with "i usually don't ask around but its important...". I said "sure man, what's up?". He told me how he needed to take his medication right away and how he wasnt able to use his arms. At the end of that explanation, I wasn't really sure how to feel. It was so completely out of the blue. But I agreed without really knowing what giving him his medication would entail, because, again I was feeling good and it looked like this guy really needed someone to help him out. He tells me "yea....can you unzip my bag?" He had an old backpack hanging from the side of his chair. "Could you get the pill bottle from the inside?...its somewhere down there..." I proceeded to look through all the junk in there and finally found it. "And I need the water bottle too..". He seemed very embarrassed at this point and I tried everything to not make him like he was asking for too much. This was followed with "yea...i need two..could you put one between my lips?" Which i promptly and carefully did (the thought that this was some hidden camera show flashed through my mind for a second). "And could you help me wash it down?" I twisted off the cap and bottle-fed this man with a few onlookers I felt watching the whole ordeal since it was obvious I didn't know this man. Did the same routine with the second one. At the end of it I put everything back in his bag and he looked me in the eye gave me the most sincere "hey... thank you." With that he rolled away. I was so completely humbled that i didn't know what to say or think for a while. A piece of real life hit me hard. I always think of that experience when I'm reminded to not take anything for granted. And I'll always, always remember that "thank you".
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:52:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i was waiting for you to say the medication was a suppository...nice story.
Sunshine_Everytime ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:43:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wow can't believe no one would help a disabled guy shove a few pills down his throat... I thought it was going to be something like helping him use the bathroom or something. That wasn't bad at all, and I'm glad you were there to help!
v1k1rox ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:55 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would have been one of the assholes to say no because physically putting someone's medication in their mouth is as bad as shooting it up their arm, he could have made a lawsuit out of it. That's probably why people didn't do it.
Camphikefishbike ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:45 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, thanks for sharing that. I'm literally in awe.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you may have given him drugs.
CubanCharles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:23:55 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know a lot of handicap accessible drug dealers?
phome83 ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 04:05:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Many years ago i was eating breakfast before school, somewhere between 3rd-6th grade.
Just sitting there lazily, not fully awake, saw a fly sitting on the top of my bookbag. Pick up a pencil and threw it at the fly, split him right in half.
No one ever believes me, and i doubt anyone ever will. But it totally did happen.
myusernameisterrible ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:26:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry dude, I believe you! My boyfriend did something similar. He gets really annoyed by small moths and bugs inside, and one night he was particularly pissed off with this one poor moth. He picked up the closest thing he could find - a single piece of A4 paper - and threw it towards the moth.
Sliced the fucker right in half, from about 6 feet away.
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:33:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, this sounds like something that happened to my mom in her youth. She was driving cross country, just taking in the sights, when they came to a line of cars. They parked and walked to the front, where a redwood had fallen across the road. So she's eating yogurt, and she takes the spoon, and just lightly places it on a weakpoint in the tree, and the redwood fucking explodes in a shower of toothpicks. Unreal, man.
notmycat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:52:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did Angelina Jolie show up soon after?
bharber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And then Bill Murray walked up, took a bite of you food, and said that nobody would believe you, right?
JigglypuffPC ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 06:50:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thathappened
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/woosh
dr_ye11ow ยท 602 points ยท Posted at 03:20:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in Middle School, I had the reputation as one of the best artists in school (donโt look in my history, I have not improved) as standards at the school went. I was also a decently popular kid as well and lots of secrets were trusted with me. So, naturally, my friend, weโll call him John, and I were talking one day, and it gets to the topic of girls, seeing how weโre guys. I take my turn, I had a girlfriend, thatโs about all I had to say, but he told me he had a crush. After asking about this crush, repeatedly, he finally tells me who it is, nice girl named Mary. Usually, this is where the topic of conversation should stop, but he goes on for a half an hour how madly in love he is with Mary, how he constantly thinks about her, how he needs her to get through the day, and more dramatic things. It was clear John was stalkerishly obsessed with her. A few days pass by, and I pay no mind with this information, but John comes up to me, asking for a drawing request. I couldnโt say no, I was too kind, so he asked me to draw a portrait of Mary. For what reason, I didnโt know, but before I could ask or object, he hands me a crumpled picture of Mary from his pocket and walks on to his next class. Why did he need a draw picture of her when he had a real picture of her? Anyway, I get to work on it after school. Hours were put into this thing, and it really dragged on because I had to continuously hide it from my mother. The portrait became quite the masterpiece, for me at least. I showed it to John the next day, and in his words, โItโs so gorgeous!โ Nervously, I handed it to him quickly and got away for him. I didnโt plan on taking requests from this guy in a long time. So, content was his sketch, John starts showing it to people, and of course, tells every the artist was me, and eventually, a random kid takes the sketch and runs across the room with it. Who does he bring it to? Of course, itโs Mary. He didnโt have the intention of embarrassing John or even me, he just seemed like he thought it was worth sharing. Excitedly, he explains how skillfully I drew this picture of her. I watched John sink in the corner, luckily, nothing was said about him. I looked back at Mary, and her face had pure bewilderment in it. I think she was going to say something, but slowly just shook my head, as if that would successfully deny whatever the random kid had told her. Now, I went into a session of panic, so I did whatever seemed logical at the time. I walked up to Mary and the random kid, snatched my sketch, and all I needed to do was to dispose of it, so no one could see it again. Of course, it seemed rational to eat that drawing right in front of everyone. It took awhile, but soon, there was no drawing to look at. I thought it was worth it.
ifyouforgetme12 ยท 355 points ยท Posted at 05:16:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wat
MyCatsNamedWallace ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 12:34:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your response was the coco to the nuts of this story
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:13:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well it ended in a draw.hue hue hue
1millionbucks ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:10:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dude
BreakingForABad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:45:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
hey how you get points for bein' crazy?
chrisisboss91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He ate a drawing what isn't there to get?
ifyouforgetme12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:57:56 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But the real question is: did it taste good?
qiscoreboard ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 11:14:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I spent like three hours shading the upper lip.
djelenthe ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:39:35 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I understood that very very obscure reference. Am I the internet now?
asshair ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:10:57 on May 18, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Explain the obscure reference plz
djelenthe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:31 on May 26, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my God. I don't know what it is anymore. Am I not the internet anymore?
aaronhowser1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:43 on July 30, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Napoleon Dynamite
A-Mackz ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 12:06:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was going one of two ways. Either Mary has this newfound image of you and started to like you, making John jealous. Or John took credit and they started dating.
Bafflednipple ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:37:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/u/dr_ye11ow 's best friend is Tyler Durden
thepeopleshero ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:49:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are now tagged as Portrait eater.
Nickk_Jones ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:54:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's some pimp shit right there.
WhatTheGentlyCaress ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:04:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"and that, kids, is how I ate your mother"
Obviously, that only really works if you are aware that some (presumably northern) English dialects can pronounce that as if it were spelled 'ett'. Having to explain it though just makes things worse.
tenacious_dbag ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:30:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tree-fiddy
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:04:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Heheh. "Your friend," was it now?
therudolph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This makes more sense if you change the time for them all to be in 1st grade
HMCetc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did John and Mary ever end up together?
bob777888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did not expect it to end like that
FutureSailor2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A young Napolean Dynamite.
EveTheAlien ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit i fell over. This was wonderful
161121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty badass
Whiteout- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, you should have claimed that John drew it. That way it's not weird for you and John gets the girl! Everybody wins!
jdgrafton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Chace?
Osoguineapig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait.....you....actually ate the drawing?
truth34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's some red Dragon shit
No-DrinkTheBleach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:32 on May 27, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lol for real that was my first thought
liqour_buddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Expectation: Mary thought I liked her and asked me out, and John got mad at me.
Reality: Ummm
AbanoMex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:14 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
are you the powerful red dragon?
GO_II ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:25:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What happened next? Did John get with Mary? What was Mary's reaction?
dr_ye11ow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:42:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, sadly, this story eventually got all the way to Mary, and she was effectively weirded out, so no, John and Mary did not get together. I think theyโre still friends today though, but thatโs a boring ending. At least I wasnโt the creepy-draws-pictures-of-girls-then-eats-the-picture guy anymore.
artvandal7 ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 07:00:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What, you're not /u/_vargas_?
thatoneguy172 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:18:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, /u/_vargas_ is usually funny.
wildmetacirclejerk ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:00:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try vargas alt
Philip_the_Great ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wat
[deleted] ยท 173 points ยท Posted at 02:53:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
bearcat888 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:01:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What happened with the baby?
Raincoats_George ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:56:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not a good outcome.
bearcat888 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:07:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:(
OrderChaos ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 05:05:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It fell down an escalator. Did you even read the story?
bearcat888 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:54:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did it survive? Did you follow up?
OrderChaos ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:04:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, sarcasm.
I'm not even the guy who wrote the story. I have no idea what happened to the baby afterwards. My guess is either death our brain injury though.
bearcat888 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:05:13 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sarcasm eluded here. :( I'm one of those "rest of the story" types.
OrderChaos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:57 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No worries. Rereading my post, I realize it comes across as a bit harsher than I intended. We all miss sarcasm in text sometimes. This is why I think we need a universal sarcasm font (completely serious here). I nominate comic sans (only half joking).
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:59:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't want to be morbid, but it may be safe to assume it died. It's quite a fall, particularly if it fell down an uo escalator. I think that's what happened. My attention to detail isn't too great right now.
bearcat888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:56:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry to hear, if the baby did die. That would be horrific.
glass_table_girl ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 06:27:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm assuming from context that a "pram" is something like a stroller and that the baby survived, or else people wouldn't have been congratulating this person for stopping the pram before it hurt anyone. Because, you know, the baby would have been beyond hurt, and also, that's what they would have been talking about.
Aemort ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 05:51:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What's a pram?
keetner ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:34:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A stroller, basically.
Aemort ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:36:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh, that makes sense. Thanks!
Rimbosity ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:57:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Short for "perambulator." British.
Tomble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Short for perambulator. AKA a stroller.
Kushdoctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A pushchair / thing with wheels mothers use to transport children
UKtwo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stroller.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A stroller more or less. I believe it's more like a bassinet on wheels than a typical stroller which is like a seat on wheels.
Camel_Holocaust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:17 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's British for stroller.
Amp3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:51 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stroller
zach2992 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:03:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How was the movie?
General_Lee_speaking ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude... you belong on /r/imgoingtohellforthis well done
penekr ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:10:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck is a pram?
This_Is_Cat_Country ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:29:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thing you put babies in and push around.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:13:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
redlaWw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, a pram.
This_Is_Cat_Country ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck is a stroller?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
missmortimer_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:22:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You'd call it a stroller.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:29:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright what is a pram I'm American and ignorant.
missmortimer_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:22:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You'd call it a stroller.
ldbreeze ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 08:58:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...and can't read.
3asin3speech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To help other readers, pram (UK) = stroller (US). After looking this up, the story made much more sense. Until then, my mind kept imagining giant prawns.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What is a pram? Also, good on you all for helping out.
stevemachiner ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:25:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I get escalator and elevator mixed up in my head some times.
redlaWw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Judging by the use of "pram", if there was an "elevator" in this story, it'd have been called a lift.
Steelsoldier77 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:43:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What movie was it?
FuckFacedShitStain ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 12:20:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dead Baby 2: The Bouncining
Hexatona ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Naked Gun
What2020 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:03:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What is a pram?
duke78 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:04:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I get mad when I see people riding escalators with prams/strollers. There is ALWAYS a safer alternative, like using an elevator, or leaving the pram and carry the baby.
After reading your story, I will be even madder the next time I see it.
[deleted] ยท 3130 points ยท Posted at 01:00:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
iamleighanne ยท 2225 points ยท Posted at 01:44:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Took her to my house cause she was fine but she whooped outta dick that was bigger than mine.
I said Colt 45...
[deleted] ยท 978 points ยท Posted at 01:55:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
See I met this woman from Hawaii
Stuck it in her ass and she said "aiee"
Lips was breakfast, pussy was lunch
Then her titties busted open with Hawaiian punch
[deleted] ยท 660 points ยท Posted at 02:05:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 545 points ยท Posted at 02:09:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Met this beautiful sexy hoe
She just ran across the border of Mexico
Fine young thing said her names Maria
I wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla
I wanna get married but I cant afford it
I know I'm gonna cry when she get deported
shadow81659 ยท 499 points ยท Posted at 03:09:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I met this woman from japan who'd never made love with an african I fucked her once I fucked her twice I ate that pussy like shrimp fried rice
[deleted] ยท 2327 points ยท Posted at 03:46:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On vacation in scotland i saw this smoking hot lass
took her up to my room and put my dick in her ass
she jumped off the bed and left my dick all shitty
then nessie walked in and demanded three fiddy
[deleted] ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 05:13:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
3.50/3.50 would get fiddied again.
BlametheDutch25 ยท 387 points ยท Posted at 04:01:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You won.
IowaContact ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:46:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The one place you wouldn't expect the tree-fiddy joke.
I love it.
Jewllz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:25:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But wait... Nymphomaniac Jill, Took a dynamite stick for a thrill, They found her vagina in North Carolina, And bits of her tits in Brazil.
Seyris ยท 210 points ยท Posted at 04:27:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bow before you... I can't even begin to express how much I didn't expect this.
someguyidunno ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 07:26:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Insanity Wolf
He should have finished.
Robertford_ ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:48:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
100% expected to get lockness monstered on this thread. Would never have expected it this way
McDoner ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:03:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit monster we work hard for our money
furtiveraccoon ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:52:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/thread
Coach_GordonBombay ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:21:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tree fiddy?!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:26:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is probably the best comment I have ever read on reddit. Ever. I'd give gold but I'm a poor ass college student.
_Thelasko_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:45:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If i had money you would have gold right now.
naughtyhegel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:51:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
fucked to the left, fucked to the right. she sucked my dick til the shit turned white. i thought to myself "sheeba sheeba," got my ass lookin' like a zebra
boombotser ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:04:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that was insanely good
Juan23Four5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:05:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
as soon as I read your first line I thought "hold on, there's no scotland line in that song."
you mother fucker.
upvotes2doge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:29:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
help a brotha out. What song?
Troggie42 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:01:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's "Crazy Rap" by Afroman.
Chaos_Philosopher ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:30:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a song? I thought people were just making it up as they went.
spenrose22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:23:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
seriously? man you're missing out go listen to it
Chaos_Philosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, will do. What is the song called and who is it by?
MisplacedMyPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvOpEDDW51o
con lyrics
Mr_Question ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:18:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The unspoken champion of this thread
r2d2quotes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You so won
PM_ME_YA_BOOBS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:50:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I need to see this man with reddit gold.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mom's Spaghetti.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:00:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FUCK I WISH I COULD GIVE YOU GOLD.
kosif ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:04:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love you
JCAPS766 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:08:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This...was so excellent.
It needs rewarding.
It has been rewarded.
trennerdios ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This comment is going places.
Chilli_Axe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:32:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, that's awesome. :D
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:41:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You glorious son of a bitch
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:21:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
brb slitting wrists
InsideCenter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:17:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck that was awesome
rFLEAiMODEp ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:58:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nice.
jujumber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What a mess, better than pun threads i guess.
georgeoj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That comment was unfair. But god dammit. Well played. I'm tagging you as "Shitty Tree Fiddy"
GuiltyKitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This was so good I'm not even mad :D
neverfading09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed so hard. You win.
shady_limon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations you've won
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Perfecto.
Witchgrass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OHHHHHHHHH
Troublechuter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You actually made a tree fiddy reference that didn't make me want to kill you or myself. Bravo!
GabeTheNerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
this is not a part of the song.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:16:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks Captain Obvious...
captn_0bvious ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:15:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your welcome
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One year... I'm mildly impressed.
Kingdomheartsfan891 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucked so long I grew a fuckin' afro
Shlongus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:08:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucked on the bed Fucked in the floor Fucked so long I grew a fucking afro
Texanrage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Met this lady from Australia. She had a big ass big titties too, so I hopped inside her like a kangaroo.
chimplax ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:32:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Moms spaghetti
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
caseyuer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:09:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In case you didn't know: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIKaGDbdmDI
Daforce1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:21:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
es_no_real ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
| Herpes and spices
FTFY
YoullNeverKnowMyStor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as herpes and spices. I'm so glad I was wrong
anticusII ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:40:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not even Afroman could get through that line without laughing.
CuntLovingWhore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Afro man
shorterthantherest ยท 95 points ยท Posted at 03:05:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And 2 zigzags, baby that's all we need.
BrewsTheSkank ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 03:08:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We can go to the park after dark and smoke that tumble weed
That_Boss_DK ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:45:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As the marijuana burn we can take our turn singing them dirty rap songs.
FreeWilley ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:54:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong
An sell tapes from here to hong kong
isactuallyspiderman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:13:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
Feeling high as hell flyin' through Palmdale
Skatin' on dayton rims
So roll, roll, the '83 Cadillac coupe Deville
If my tapes and my CDs just don't sell, I bet my caddy will
I HAVE ENDED IT
Cupcake-Warrior ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:17:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey asshole, stop hogging all the lyrics.
barminds ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:43:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong
Thinks_too_far_ahead ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 06:12:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 04:41:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong
nightowl12345 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 05:03:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong
Cheifer176 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:59:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And as the marihuana burn Wecan take iur turn Singin them dirty rap songs..
Glennus626 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:17:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Funky Cole medinah
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"She whipped out her gun and tried to blow me away"
-- Aerosmith
baconlover2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey guys , this is Hickok45 here lol
MyCoolLewis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I actually got banned from the apartment complex he used to live in. Not while he lived there though.
cont4gion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What is the obsession with this song? Like wtf
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:25:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whipped
[deleted] ยท 1547 points ยท Posted at 01:18:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What's gayer than a guy watching a guy get a blowjob?
A guy watching a guy giving a guy a blowjob.
isactuallyspiderman ยท 324 points ยท Posted at 01:32:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Blowception
Smaloki ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 02:23:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Guyception
UhLain ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 02:46:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gayception
yourfatherOP ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:10:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gayerection.
duckvimes_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:58:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO
Lambeaux ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:48:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Voyeurism
KVNY ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:50:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
AIDS
Munt_Custard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm 10 hours late but: Erectionception
ThatNordicGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He needs to go deeper!
Darkrai95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:14:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
More like guyception
SplashMortal ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:40:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know how you can tell if your friend is gay?. When you are fucking him in the ass, if you give him a reach around and he's hard you'll know.
darkneo86 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:31:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I learned it from you, Dad
15amathis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
BROJOB!
e_poison ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:43:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/oqj1avK.png
Whatswiththewhip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's, just like, your opinion man. How about the guy getting the blowjob? I think that's the gayest.
sharjil333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yo Dawg...
metans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I gotta say, if I was bargaining with my friend over who gets to go with the pro, I really doubt "you can have her but I wanna watch it going in" would be top of my list of demands.
marcuschookt ยท 337 points ยท Posted at 03:28:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/u/ninjaryda is a great friend. 10/10 would confide
[deleted] ยท 196 points ยท Posted at 03:33:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell."
Lelleck ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:13:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes a lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying
CenabisBene ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:13:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will.
SheikhAlMohammed ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:08:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God damnit, now I can't stop thinking of Russell Crowe in his gladiator days dressed up as Daisy Duke..
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:14:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, faster than you can say "shallow grave", this pretty little thing comes up to me and starts kneading my balls like hard boiled eggs in a tube sock.
gaslightgirl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:25:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying..
Apatheticunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What are you referencing?
chosenignorance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
'A lap dance is always better when the stripper is cryin'' by the Bloodhound Gang.
Jack_Vermicelli ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 04:44:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You went to a place called this, and were surprised?
ragestar23 ยท 144 points ยท Posted at 03:27:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can't argue with that logic.
cheeseburgerwaffles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:13:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Those are always the best stories
[deleted] ยท 445 points ยท Posted at 02:22:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 197 points ยท Posted at 02:39:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
CHOO CHOO!
SQUELCH_PARTY ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 05:07:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta love playing pranks on my friends.
LiveToDieAnotherDay ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:46:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm happy this became a thing.
bigpaddycool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bret broed Bret.
SickGoose ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:22:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure whether this is a play on words or a Filipino joke.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:43:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its a reference.
44bottles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:16:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have a look at the top post on /r/4chan
Kimimaro146 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:00:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Choo Choo
parrywinks ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:35:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one around here who expected the hooker to be a man from the start because they were in Boystown?
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:03:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did too, but I live in Chicago. Our Boystown is a largely gay area. I was pretty confused when he said "she" was giving him a blowjob.
super_awesome_jr ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:36:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What a jackass. Some girls just have penises. Roll with it.
Fernao ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 03:41:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"If you're not sexually attracted to penises, you're an asshole." What, do you think gay guys are just gay because they're misogynists?
super_awesome_jr ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:45:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One, it's possible I'm being facetious for comedic effect, it happens, internet's a weird place and, two, if you're already rolling around the red light district getting ten dollar whores while your buddy watches, why're you gonna freak out over a little surprise penis? It's not like thats where shit got weird.
Methuga ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 01:43:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who are we laughing at? The unlucky guy who happened to pick the street hooker with the dong or the guy who asked permission to watch male-on-male oral, knowing at least one dong would be involved and visible at all times?
[deleted] ยท 191 points ยท Posted at 03:55:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SarahC ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 05:17:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I only watch guys fucking - what's more manly than that?
kjata ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:30:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Naturally, you have to limit yourself to porn of as many dudes at once as possible. You know, for maximum density of manhood(s).
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:32:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure about him but I definitely am
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:41:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And what's worse is that he wouldn't even let him fuck him :(
GoonCommaThe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I assumed they were both gay, going to Boystown and all....
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:36:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dunno what he's freaking out about; a mouth is a mouth bro.
aazav ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:17:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Surprised you don't end up dead in a dumpster with that attitude.
Asdayasman ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 03:41:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously you don't have friends.
SmutMuffins ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:59:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not anymore.
saremei ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Telling stories that friends don't want told is a real quick way to having no friends.
Minigrinch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:38:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Considering both of them got fooled, its equally embarrassing for him really, he just has less shame and recognises the humour in it.
Asdayasman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously you don't have friends.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:06:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If I had any money, then I would give you gold for this story. That was awesome!
coolio579 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
fountainsoda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's okay. It's life.
Colisu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If he was passable as a woman I would have said w/e and let him finish me at least. A bj is a bj and I love bj's. I would never have let my friend in the room that I was fucking a hooker in to begin with, though. Did the guy at least get paid?
Secres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you're a great friend.
ironsights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Scottvrakis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd tap it.
losian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That.. that's hot.
coupdetaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:49:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i presume you took the necessary pictures to ensure a lifetime of free beer
froggienet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist : his friend that observing the blowjob is his alter ego.
BraveSpear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:08:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed so hard reading that.
sighing_sage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:13:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that was what you were looking for when you said "Boystown."
SilverbulletJT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was confused at first because here in Chicago, Boystown is a gay neighborhood. I had assumed you were both gay and finding guy prostitutes...
Misconception223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In my city boys town is a gay neighborhood so I was really confused for a second.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Misconception223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yea that's clears thins up. As a Chicagoan it was unclear at first.
fiddlewithmysticks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
People know nothing other than what society teaches them... The social conditioning which causes people to genderize everything. It depends on your perspective whether you consider someone a certain gender.
CheekyDouchebag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck it, a mouth is a mouth.
No_Wheaties_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This could have been easily avoided with 12th and Chicon.
hemusK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, it was Boystown.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pssssssh, if that happened to me I would do her anyway.
May7th2014 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:58:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was a guy though.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So? That doesn't change the fact that she's hot (or so he described her as such).
Also, I'm pansexual so yes, I am a bit biased.
May7th2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Da faq.. There's a sexuality for pans now? Oh my..
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ummm... no. Pansexual means you are attracted to all genders and gender expressions. Not pans. The 'pan' part means 'all'.
May7th2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's bisexuality
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Call it what you want, it's the same reason why I'm biased.
ColaEuphoria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No no no you're doing it wrong. You're supposed to start sucking her dick and have one hell of a shemale three-way that would really spice this story up.
sbucks168 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:40:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The story is blown when you say "going to Boystown." We all know why you like going there. The same reason I do. ;-)
WeAreAllBrainWashed ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:46:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:00:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey I live in Austin! My dad always talks about Boystown as he is from Northern Mexico and jokes around with his American friends, who have been there as well. What is there? Are the donkey shows real?
FraserJohnny ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:08:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My fake senses are tingling
Untitled_Username21 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My penis shriveled up at the end there. No pun intended.
OneShinyMudkip ยท 132 points ยท Posted at 04:36:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I am always late to these kind of threads. Oh well, here is the short version.
I was flying standby going from Honolulu to Atlanta just before Christmas (12-19 so flights were full). The lady sitting next to me at the gate apparently knew some of the flight attendants and they seemed worried she wouldn't make it on the flight (she was also flying standby) but she was convinced her and her ~12 year old daughter were going to make it.
Later, I got the second to last seat on the plane and while leaving to board, I hear that lady realize that there is only 1 seat left and her and her daughter would have to be split. She explained that she could not do that, so I offered her my seat so they could go together.
That's when the water works started. The lady began to cry saying thank you repeatedly. It turns out the little girls father is very sick and they needed to be there. I gave the woman and her daughter a hug before they boarded the plane and she told me to tell my parents that they raised a good son.
I missed so many flights. I spend over 27 hours waiting at 3 different airports along the west coast. 2 and a half days later I finally made it home to Atlanta.
Sunshine_Everytime ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:26:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
way to be a GGG!
ipiranga ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:58:59 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why did you miss so many flights? I don't understand
OneShinyMudkip ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:43:46 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Flying standby means you only get on the flight if there are seats available. Because it is so close to Christmas, almost all the flights were full.
ruizgabriel123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:36:22 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My eyes are sweating
thebageljew ยท 1658 points ยท Posted at 01:15:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Mid-March.
I hear a knock at the door to find a neighbor who lives on the street right above me. It was this black girl named Rebecca and she asked me if she can borrow my phone to call her father because she stormed out of house for some reason and as she came back, the door was locked.
As she called him, I ran to the restroom and as I came out, I saw her tearing up, telling me her dad yelled at her and wouldn't come back to open the door. It was really breezy outside so I decided to let her in. We talked a couple minutes while watching some TV and she told me she liked me but I rejected her because I thought she was insanely unattractive.
After that, it got kinda awkward until her dad called my phone. He told her to come back home immediately so I felt like being nice and walked her back. As we walked towards her house, the cops were their about to arrest her. She apparently gave her sister bruises by beating her up because her sister took the last soda. The policemen asked me if I was dating her and I immediately said no. They told me to walk away and I never turned back.
LadyLandshark ยท 1354 points ยท Posted at 02:22:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A girl named Rebecca who's black... well, now I have Friday stuck in my head.
niknik2121 ยท 231 points ยท Posted at 03:13:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you never said anything I would've realized, but nooooo, you just had to go and ruin it.
Retarded_Artist ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 03:53:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, we gotta get down on Friday.
rarely-sarcastic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:27:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's Saturday.
ChubbyMonkeyX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn lucky it's a Saturday.
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure he'll enjoy that.
amosko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, until you said his I was thinking about the movie Friday. Was confused because I didn't remember a character named Rebecca.
[deleted] ยท 714 points ยท Posted at 03:19:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was tripping on shrooms I had "Friday" stuck in my head. It changed my perception of time. I imagined time as one week playing on loop for all eternity. Just Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday over and over until the end of time. When you're sober and you hear Rebecca Black singing "Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards", it's just fucking stupid. But when you're tripping, it's fucking mind-blowing.
WhaleSaddler ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 05:29:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, that's how time works. Time WILL loop through the week on and on forever.
So...
Gusta457 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:42:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well until the universe ends since there won't even be nothing. Since nothing is an absence of something and the absence of nothing is something but there won't even be nothing or something it will just be not. Including time.
Zaozin ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:46:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, it keeps looping even then. Forever.
cgbbcg ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:59:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
These moments are why I love reddit so much
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:58:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Zaozin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:01:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It loops.
threesixzero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
each loop represents 5 turtles. all the way down
maccam21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:25:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Time is a flat circle
thealien42069 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol that's amazing man.
deadtime3am ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:18:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not true but sort of still technically true
reddit858 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:48:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"You'll do this again. Time is a flat circle."
erikkll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:23:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
shrooms always fuck with your perception of time!
letsgofightdragons ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good trip or bad trip?
nahfoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit
kidblue672 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
... I need whatever you're taking
Xetanees ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is it more mind-blowing than thinking about the origins of the universe while tripping?
johnnyfootball123 ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 08:13:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's because psychedelics are for idiots and really aren't the magical mind-opening drugs of knowledge that reddit would have you believe...
Daiwon ยท 348 points ยท Posted at 03:14:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I... fuck you.
[deleted] ยท 174 points ยท Posted at 03:25:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, don't be stingy, let us watch!
jumpback22122 ยท 345 points ยท Posted at 03:50:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've heard this one before! She turns out to be a guy!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:36:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna tell this story all the time!
FrickleFart90 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:31:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
2meta4me
DBJ25 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:31:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now that's what I call meta.
metans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:17:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Metans alarm! I mean, meta alarm! Ah fuck it let's all watch anyway.
Hulks_Pants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaaand we've gone meta.
Fawful55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist, it wasn't just some girl it was his dead father
adam00722 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:57:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
2meta4me
Wiililninja ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 03:33:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So Meta
Zennex13 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:19:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now? But we're in a public place!
RagingVoodooSorcerer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:21:24 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Do you want to aarrrrrrpee?" "I fuck you!"
Greg-2012 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The first black Becky in all of human history?
Imm1n3ntd3th ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Black Friday dammnit
Pseudoboss11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:20:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why do I upvote people like you?
crystalmoth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just found this video of her watching it and cringing at it.
someguyidunno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Friday Friday you're going down on Friday.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:23:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so glad I have music playing to get that song out of my head.
docbern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mayn, dint chu no Rebecca black? Ain't like Rebecca white.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you now I have that song stuck in my head. And the person who sings it looks like a sassy overweight black woman.
ragestar23 ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 03:31:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I wish I could subconsciously dodge a bullet like that one day.
muyuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:55:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Prolly wouldn't have if she was hot.
TheOnlyBlub ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:25:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just have your friends shoot guns at you then
shadowwolf43 ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 02:04:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/Unexpected
sicilianhotdog ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:08:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What does her being black have to do with this story?
Poopcatspoop ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:51:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You live in a place where there is a street above your house?
Froboy7391 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He lives in the Seattle Underground.
Methuga ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:13:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bet she was awesome in the sack.
toxicbox ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 02:20:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just don't drink her soda and she's great...
PatrickStar86 ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 02:20:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never stick your dick in crazy
laktoastandtolerance ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:21:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Especially ugly crazy. It's a lose-lose for you.
galamar33 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:24:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You watch woody
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:04:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
always*
Izzuriaren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Comon Methuga, has reddit taught you anything?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He must have noticed the crazy eyes
userdeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would if i could.
spartan_0227 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you're Lord Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish...
Denverlanez ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:05:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait why did you mention she was black? I'm oddly kind of disappointed because I thought you were going somewhere with that lol.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:56:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I like how you had to mention she was black when it had zero relevance to the rest of the story.
scarrylary ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:47:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But then there wouldn't have been that nice story about tripping balls and listening to Friday cuz no one woulda mentioned Rebecca black.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I feel like that's all we talk about.
IAMAVelociraptorAMA ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 04:25:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
it's almost as if people describe other people in stories
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:37:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
only when they are black, though. right?
CloudCollapse ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:01:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On reddit there is an assumed white-ness. Similar to /b/'s assumed male-ness.
userdeath ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:37:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
or asian, mexican, indian etc..
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:42:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But not if you are normal... aka, "white"
crushbang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Correction: not if the person in the story is of the same race as the storyteller.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 15:31:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got. So race matters alot to you.
crushbang ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:44:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Got it, you're not very smart.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:55:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever makes your feel better, boy.
Sorry you're a closet racist, though.
crushbang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Want to clarify why I'm a racist?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:16:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because you need to know when someone is black or not.
crushbang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never said that.
Well, trolls gonna troll, have a nice day.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know what post you were defending or did you just jump on the bandwagon like a the usual punk bitch?
I think you know. And now you are trying to back pedal.
Marked as racist in RES.
crushbang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagged as Hitler in RES. Beat that, bitch.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I guess you are talking about white hitler since you didn't have to say white.
crushbang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was taking about the Hispanic Hitler.
mb150580 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or if it's a chick with a dick
Xenophyophore ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:02:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But no, he said the B-word so he becomes an auto-racist.
SeriousSly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:07:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Check your privledge shitlord!
alatus ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 05:40:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised at some of the responses you're getting. Come on guys, if the girl was white, it never would have been a descriptor. If he had written "a girl with long brown hair in a braid, wearing a plain white t-shirt and skinny jeans," you would be wondering why that was relevant, not "fantastic, this helps me accurately picture the story." Even if it isn't overtly or intentionally racist, this sort of thing is often used to subtly denote a person as an "other." She's not a girl, she's a black girl.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:00:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This guy gets it.
And yes, it's amazing how progressive people on reddit are subconsciously just like their parents or grandparents.
amzngrc9 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:57:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Number one pet peeve.
Oreo_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:49:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Of course is relevant. By stating that Rebecca is black we can safely assume her sister is also black. Now with that information we know that she must have hit her sister pretty hard if she left bruises on a black girlm
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:52:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, all black people are pitch black.
You're well rounded and should be in charge of things.
Oreo_ ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 04:57:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well that's a little racist of you. My point was that black people generally have darker skin than most. They're not necessarily pitch black. Though they can be i suppose.
AUTISTIC_PENIS ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:29:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah....I highly doubt that's why OP mentioned that. Either he mentioned it for no reason, or to give a visual scenario
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 05:33:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because overanalyzing things and being sarcastic is soooo cool.
TheBadgerTeeth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I like how people like to mention characters' appearances to create a setting for a story.
Don't get so butthurt.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 05:10:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glad to see you consider them people.
ReeuQ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:55:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its relevant because it helps me accurately picture the story in my mind. It's not a bad thing to describe someone's physical characteristics.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:11:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So what other part of the story related to her being black?
ReeuQ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:13:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why does the description of her being black offend you?
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:39:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
saremei ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 12:57:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Complete and utter bullshit. It is as relevant as if he were to describe her as a redhead. It is something that people can instantly have an idea of the person he was talking about. Getting pissy over him calling her black is exactly like getting mad that he stated that the person was a girl. Patently ridiculous.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:54:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yah seriously, he already told us she was getting arrested.
misterzigger ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 08:04:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ITT Social Justice Warriors to the rescue.
ProfessionalMartian ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 05:08:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bet if it wasn't said, it would be assumed or verbally guessed.
siamthailand ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 10:37:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
stop being a lil' bitch.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:02:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Go away, boy.
siamthailand ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:03:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ok bitch
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:05:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's right, kid. You're the tough guy here.
siamthailand ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 12:10:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am tough, you're a fucking racist.
nearnum2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:00:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Once you go back, you never go black
basshound3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar story. Last year, I'm laying in bed around 2 AM, and all of a sudden I hear pounding on the front door. It sounds like someone is trying to beat the fucking thing down so I go check out what the fuck is going on. Turns out this drunken sorority girl is downstairs, across the hall trying to get into her ex's apartment and raising hell. So I go sit out on the balcony as the building manager and my neighbor go down to try and calm the girl down.
Poor girl is drunk as fuck and doesn't have anyway to get home (which is in a town like 2 hours away), and I don't even think the ex was home anyway. So they get her to calm down, and my neighbor convinces her that she can sleep on the couch until the morning (which was noble but incredibly stupid on his part).
He starts to walk upstairs so he can prepare the couch for her, and she says she just has to take care of something downstairs first. She grabs a rock and breaks a fucking window. My neighbor has a quick change of heart when he hears the broken glass, and she promptly tries to run. I talk to the building manager who has finally called the police, and we both just shake our heads at what just happened.
So I can't sleep now, and I have a Big Mac attack. There was one way out of the apartment complex and this girl just fucking ghosted, was nowhere to be seen. So I'm thinking the crazy bitch got away. I come back from Mickey Dees about 20 minutes later and there are like 4 cops who caught the girl and apparently brought her back to the scene of the crime.
They're all standing around this girl who is just panicking, and crying, and she's begging on the phone with daddy to come pick her up so she won't go to jail. The cops look at me and are like "do you know who this is?" and I just "noped" the fuck upstairs.
My lease ended like 3 months later and they never fixed that broken window.
GenuineCuriosity143 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I read it:
O_o
Cagg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
manipulation level... maximum
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:10 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good thing you mentioned her race, otherwise we wouldn't have known she's an obvious criminal.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:08 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How is Rebecca being black relevant?
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 03:41:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
_zarathustra ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:40:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes it's bad. You should meet more black people.
Kingdomheartsfan891 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:24:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes it's bad. Stereotypes are bad
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:56:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never ever open your door for a Negro.
AUTISTIC_PENIS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck is wrong with you? Racist fuck.
[deleted] ยท 133 points ยท Posted at 06:00:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was in the Air Force all the airmen would screw around and prank each other whenever we could.
Well, one time my friend Brent found a GIGANTIC snail. Seriously, this thing was almost the size of a racquetball. Anyway, he thought it would be hilarious to stuff it down the back of my shirt and then crush it... which he proceeded to do of course.
You might not realize this, but inside a snail's shell is a lot of watery slime - in addition to its guts of course. The result of it being smashed under my shirt was copious amounts slime running down my back and into my ass crack. As you can imagine the sensation wasn't pleasant. Everyone was howling with laughter.
Anyway, I made a promise to myself that I'd reap horrific vengeance on Brent, and that it would occur that very day. You see, I had knowledge of a rotting tree stump. And that this stump was home to approximately 20 million wood ants.
Quietly I pilfered Brent's BDU coat from his locker. And brought it out to the stump. A few hefty kicks to the stump brought about the host of pissed off ants. Soon the bark of the stump was hardly visible under the black mass of writhing insects.
Carefully I draped Brent's BDU coat over the chaos, and waited for the ants to fill evey nook and hem in the fabric. Meanwhile I scooped piles of the creatures into his pockets with a styrofoam coffee cup.
Noticing that it was nearly lunch time, and having procured the agents of my wrath, I placed Brent's crawling BDU coat back into his locker. When lunch time came, Brent bolted to his locker and threw on his BDU coat in usual fashion. The line at the mess hall queued rapidly, and Brent was never one to be late for lunch. To my delight he was out the door and walking to his car before he had realized the vicious new inhabitants of his uniform.
The first couple caught him off guard. He grabbed at his wrist as a tiny pang shot up his arm. Then there was another, and another. "Ants! Oh my!" he must have thought as he brushed his sleeves in concern.
It was too late for poor Brent though. By the time he realized the extent of his infestation, he was flailing in terror. With madness he tore off his BDU coat sending its buttons across the lawn, and ran to the gate guards for help.
We all howled with laughter.
sarah_cate1 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 14:22:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Poor snail
ilikeeatingbrains ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:07:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unfair to snails.
dafuriousbadger ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:36:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Snail abuse
Whiteout- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:51:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Snailed it.
charliebrown1321 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like that prank left him a bit shell shocked
leinaD_natipaC ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:24:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You guys are all hilarious assholes, no less.
RobotPhoto ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 04:34:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work the phones for the college I went to as part of a student worker loan for the admissions office. I got a call from a girl who was on her way out to the school as she spoke to me. She sounded really excited, was asking me all kinds of questions about the school, I told her she is going to love it, and then we hung up. I found out two days later that her father had called the following day to cancel her arrangements with the school, her daughter had gotten into an accident and had died. I was most likely the last person to talk to her. I still think of her from time to time.
allmyrabbits ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:46:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You made her happy. I guess that's nice.
I_AM_THE_HIVE ยท 912 points ยท Posted at 01:06:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
13 years old, a girl I knew was having a birthday party so we all went along. Turns out her parents are away, there's vodka at the party and beers in the fridge. Proceeded to get drunk and slide around in our socks on the laminate flooring.
Then some chavs shot a firework through the letterbox, panic breaks out and everyone starts to flee the scene. We are running through some village in the middle of the countryside with no idea what to do.
We make our way to the girls grandparents house, who are also not home and we start grabbing knives and other could be weapons from the kitchen. Her grandparents get home, we panic even more and throw all of their kitchenware in a bush in the front Garden.
By this point Birthday girl is in deep shit with her Grandparents and we have all run off to the train station to make our way home. Chavs arrive at the train station on the other side of the platform as a train is arriving and begin to make make their way over to us. We jump on the train before they reach us and it starts to leave, all of us in the windows of the train pulling the fingers and yelling obscenities.
Got home, bonus as parents didn't find out. Then someone started a rumor that I had sex with some girl in the front garden of the house that night, which didn't happen so that was fun.
TwistBadJam ยท 1505 points ยท Posted at 02:44:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
13 Year olds drinking vodka โ
Chavs โ
Middle of the countryside โ
Knives โ
Classic Britain
niknik2121 ยท 389 points ยท Posted at 03:19:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Take away chavs and you have the United States.
Take away countryside you have Russia.
Take away the knives and you have pretty much any country you can think of.
caseyuer ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 04:12:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What?
SirManguydude ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:20:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You don't call a snow filled wasteland the countryside.
caseyuer ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 07:32:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's an interesting summary of millions of square miles of land, with four seasons a year.
SirManguydude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Would just like to note that after you enter the Asian part of Russia there is mostly nothing, and even more nothing. All big population centers are around the Western border, and then some in the SW border near the stans.
Arkazia ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:59:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't really get the knives part. Do people call them something different in the states?
Retarded_Artist ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 04:40:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In the states, they're called shaballoo shankers
NotSoSlenderMan ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:58:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
statesman here: can confirm
CenabisBene ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:18:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant username.
hfxpoet ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:05:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a stupid comment, don't bother questioning it
explosiveartist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:14:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
if it was the states they would have guns.
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. I am quite sure they were just pointing out that is your self defense weaponry and not guns.
Arkazia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually Canadian, but still applies. Thanks mango.
vladimir_pimpin ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:17:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I don't...
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:58:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah! Shaballoo shankers!
Retarded_Artist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:19:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Take away 13 year olds drinking vodka and you have OP's moms basement.
iamfuckinganton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
russia's mostly countryside
jeffunity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Venn diagram of teenage mischief
NotZezima ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Canada?
orange_jooze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There is no countryside in Russia? I beg to disagree. That's where the worst shitfacing happens.
the_pokeatheist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Take away girls and vodka you have Pakistan.
Chimie45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Take away the Chavs and you have Finland.
MattWich0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bet you're real fun in orgies.
Bluepillschool ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:01:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like my teenaged life was sad and uneventful because I didn't live in Britain.
tsuhg ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:56:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
INGLIND
someguyidunno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
watched the inbetweeners last night and can confirm. Three underaged Girls drinking Vodka and calling the boys Wankers and pedos for asking them out.
wonkywilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Change Chavs to bored teens, and you have eastern Canada.
My-Account-For-Trees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's was 13 years ago, not when they were 13.
Edit: Nvm [3]
savvypunch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you forgot "front garden"
and
"so that was fun" which means "it was not cool" in American.
Leozilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:27:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Chav is British for douchebag
[deleted] ยท 491 points ยท Posted at 02:22:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All while 13? Some college parties I've been to have been tamer than that.
SteelFlameAlchemist ยท 446 points ยท Posted at 02:36:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to Britain.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 07:36:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
HDZombieSlayerTV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked ova 300 chocolate globbernaughts frum tha corner shop. im trained in street fitin' & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil bellend w/ a fit mum & fakebling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper scrap. A roomble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. me crew be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o' newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a' kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yea stupid lil twat, innit? ima ****e fury & ull drown in it m8. ur ina proper mess knob.
Motorbik3r ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:56:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, Britain is crazy.
callyg30 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 08:52:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is it not like 90% of 15 year olds drink regularly? I'm 16 and don't know of anyone in my year who doesn't. (Scotland for reference)
Motorbik3r ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:33:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would agree with that. Everyone drinks from around mid teens. It's just standard to be cool.
toomanyattempts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:24:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Im 16, British, and now even more depressed about my lame social life than I was already...
callyg30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You can go to parties and not drink you know :)
_Thai_Fighter_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:23:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think his comment was alluding to him not having parties to go to :/
callyg30 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:27:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh. Right......
toomanyattempts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:41 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Indeed.
favoritedisguise ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:39:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The worst they have are drive by arguments.
OldWalder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, when we have an issue with someone we drive by without saying hello.
That'll teach 'em!
DeShawnThordason ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:38:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking chavs.
Moikle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
guns aren't the only way to kill people
I feel like writing that has brought the attention of some NSA agent looking over reddit threads
stupidusernamestaken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:55 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have never heard of this alchemist but s/he sounds AWESOME!
SteelFlameAlchemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:43 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She :)
YungTyphoon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:25:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah an at thirteen you don't think about all the trouble you'll be in, at least I didn't...
na_7700 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:36:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, he aged a few years during the party.
ThisAintFifaBaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Britain and I was at a party last night. The only thing that happened was my pal got pushed through the girls shower doors. And about 30 empties got smashed over her back fence. Pretty shite of you ask me like.
NeoCoN7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:20 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's just a quiet Tuesday night in the UK.
toxicbox ยท 159 points ยท Posted at 02:01:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What are "chavs?"
Methuga ยท 168 points ยท Posted at 02:06:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure it's the British version of tools (the people...not hammers).
Daiwon ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 03:20:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If only.
Tool
Chav
Methuga ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 03:30:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That definition of tool is incomplete. Where I grew up, a tool is pretty much the exact same as the chav definition, minus the clothing.
OhHowDroll ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 03:39:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For us a tool is a general insult, like 'jerk' or 'douchebag'. While anyone who counts as a chav would be a tool, not every tool would count as a chav.
The_Lonesome_Drifter ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:02:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Precisely.
Breimann ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:10:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Every square is a rectangle but not every rectangle is a square!
qcmydna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:36:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
cHAV originates from the term "council house and violent" a council house is social housing in the uk
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No it didn't it is derived from the Romani word chavi
JollyOldBogan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A simpler way to sort out the confusion is to narrow down the selection of labels and call them all 'fuckwits'
fritter_away ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:52:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Chav in England = Redneck in USA
jozzarozzer ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:48:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
AKA bogan kids in Australia.
Chilli_Axe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:38:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, that's most male grade-eight kids in my high school in Australia.
bfg24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:41:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not really. In Australia we call them Lads if they're male, Lasses if female.
jozzarozzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You call bogans lads? Haven't heard that before. What state are you in?
bfg24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What? No, we call the Aussie version of Chavs Lads. Bogans are bogans. NSW though.
jozzarozzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Idk, we don't really have a specific name for them here. It's just that a lot of bogan kids are like chavs.
bfg24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting. Where are you from?
jozzarozzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
From melbourne, currently living in northwest Tassie.
supermaor23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
oh so those mob of kids from Hostel
Joskarr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In Ireland we call them knackers!
Kainotomiu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:55:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tools are just jerks, no? Chavs are definitely a class of people, not just an attitude. They're more like your rednecks.
since4ever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:14:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not quite, a chav is almost always wearing an old track suit, tram lines shaved into head and/or eyebrow, foul language, shitty studded earrings and a whole load of antisocial behaviour!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But they are almost always very lowly educated and have a violent nature to them. Also renowned for drinking
tea_anyone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hammers with top hats
RobertJ93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Council House Adult Vermin. More commonly known as the 'chav' are a sub species of the homo sapien genus.
They tend to group together and come from impoverished backgrounds, they will commonly form gangs from the 'council estates' they live on (generally poorer, more dangerous areas of towns). For example I live near east ham estate and they had the 'Eastham boys' and the 'eastham mans'.
Chavs start young. Born into an often violent world they will 'play up' at school starting from nursery where there reign of terror begins- they will hit out, swear, attack friends and strangers alike.
They are the perfect example of 'pack mentality', this often leads to mass stupidity, eg, one chav throws a chair, all chav friends throw chairs, all chavs get taken to the headteacher. This behaviour does not stop once outside the school, the chav mentality is strong in the UK. There is often some strong violence perpetrated by chavs, more notably the 'happy slap' whereby chavs video themselves slapping innocent members of the public, or in extreme cases lighting a homeless man on fire at a bus shelter.
They are easy to spot, often wearing hoods/hats or Burberry patterned clothing (although this seems to have died out a little). They will always be in group, a lone chav is no chav at all.
Here is a picture of a pack in their natural habitat. Note the classic 'Mckenzie' branded jacket. The various hoods and somewhat Neanderthal like bone structure of the guy in the dark hat.
Would you like to know more?
[deleted] ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 02:26:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
foggiewindow ยท 115 points ยท Posted at 02:45:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, Council House and Violent is just a backroynm. The word was actually adopted from the Romani (Gypsy language), where it means boy.
Asdayasman ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:46:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never knew the second bit.
initialgold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:40:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nice.
HighRelevancy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:35:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Naw dude, backronyms are a real thing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backronym
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
HighRelevancy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:32:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DROF, Driver Returns On Foot.
rdudejr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Track pants?
snail-swirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:11:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know about anywhere else but in Scotland they generally get called Neds (non educated delinquents). It might just be the part of Scotland I'm from though.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Funnily enough, they seem to be going down in number now. Apart from the time an 8 year old tried to mug me, all I see are Lads now.
Tarbasaurus_Rex ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:30:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Urban Rednecks. They walk about with their tracksuit bottoms halfway down their arse, are usually white, and if you look at them too long, they swagger their way over to you and go 'you fuckin wot mate?' 'you wanna fight? 'imma shank you blad!'
So sort of a cross between rednecks and the black 'gangstas' you gt in detroit.
chilly_anus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I see, so they are the ones that usually use the "u wot m8??" Sentence?
nv4895hg8342- ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 02:22:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's like as if Eminem were British
clintmccool ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:07:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You can choose one or the other, you know
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, drank whisky before I wrote this.
spankymuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What a chav.
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
u are 1 fucking cheeky kunt mate i swear i am goin 2 wreck u i swear on my mums life
TheMstar55 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:13:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mum's spaghetti
FmMan3 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:22:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
u wot m8
BiomassDenial ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:18:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
British guy at work says Chav stands for Council Housed and Violent.
Essentially poor people in government housing liable to shank you.
muyuu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:29:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's made up though. Seems to come from Romani. The word existed in the XIX century and it used to be chaval (also a Spanish word, coming from the gypsy Romani-speaking community). Meant just "boy" or "child".
The thing about chavs here in England (and neds in Scotland) is that they have certain acquired customs that are quite different to what you see in other youth low-class gangs worldwide. You can definitely tell them apart. Bunch of kids getting hammered on Strongbow at noon in a basketball court, dressing like complete bellends. Pregnant 15 year old chavettes getting fingered in a pink tracksuit. Stuff like that.
internet_observer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:58:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For the most part they are just british white trash, but what you have to realize is that Britain has very strong class stratification and biasing just describing what they are doesn't really cover the opinions that go along with it.
SirManguydude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Synonyms: Chuds, Douches, D-Bags, Chode Smokers, Bell Ends, Knobs.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you're Australian we know them as lads.
botamongus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It has to do with poverty rates, not race. If you're poor and young without any means to make money, you're more likely to end up committing crimes.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:15:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't say what they were nor how come they exist, I was simply giving an alternate name they go by in different countries.
uberduger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Like rednecks but far more thuggish and stupid.
jsamuelson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Like rednecks but we don't have much sunshine, so different word.
Ewoolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
British rednecks, I think.
Merkinempire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Like white trash gangsta kids
Jesusilovecheeses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The British equivalent to rednecks in the US.
user1996 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Chav, is a stereotype and pejorative epithet used in Britain. The stereotype was popularised in the first decade of the 21st century by the British mass media to refer to an antisocial youth subculture in the United Kingdom.
Ryugi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Refers to people who wear knock-offs. So, low-class people (kind of)? Like wannabe gangsters.
Flabawoogl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:21 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Council housed and violent
THE_GR8_MIKE ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:00:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jerkoffs
Jagoffs
Douche bags
Gangsters
Take your pick.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gangsters implies organization of some description. Although there is a hierarchy of some description, there is no organisation whatsoever due to a depleted count of brain cells.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Take your prick? c:
THE_GR8_MIKE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:24:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You. I like you.
pnoozi ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:21:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
plural of "chalf"
lennonator ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:54:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you happen to also be on a show called skins?
Lottia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Theyre at least 16 on skins
helpineedweed ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:05:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'm missing something. Why were you grabbing things for weapons? Why were these chavs chasing you?
GoonerGirl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:12:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
chavs don't need a reason
pounds_not_dollars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fire works in the letter box remind me of the butterfly effect.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:45:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One more time/ 54-46/ was my number
jeka102 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:08:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think the lady doth protest too much
Javindo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Some local chav put a firework through my godmothers letterbox when I was younger (she was like 60), she opened the door and threw it back at him lol
uberduger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Chavs, in a small village in the countryside? I call bullshit - chavs get scared if they leave the comforts of being at least within 10 minutes of a Sports Direct / Adidas store, a Chicken Cottage and somewhere that their lowered neon-coloured Citroen will blend in.
Kushdoctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Legendary
spankymuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda sounds like you were chavs as well...
bnorvell11 ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 04:36:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
While in Seattle for Comic Con this year me and my two friends were walking to the Convention Center. A homeless man stopped us and asked if we had any spare change. I saw across the street and there just so happened to be a Subway across the street. I was feeling very kind that day and kind of just wanted to give a little. So I asked him if he would like to walk across the street with me and get a sandwich. He looked at me with an amazed look on his face like he didn't believe me. So I told him to come on and started crossing the street. He followed me and my friends into the Subway and I brought him up to the counter. I told him he could have whatever he wanted so he ordered a 6" sub and a medium drink. I could tell he was hungry so I told the cashier, "Make that a 12" sub and a large drink", So when he got his food I walked him over to a table. He couldn't seem to stop thanking me. I offered him a hug (I like hugging people.) and told him to enjoy his food. He started crying and thanking me again.
TL;DR: Sometimes just a meal to one person can be something worth crying tears of joy over to another.
allmyrabbits ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:31:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
hugs We need more people like you.
bnorvell11 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:44:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you haha. People don't seem to understand that not all homeless people are insane heroin addicts that are chasing their next high. Some of them are seriously just down on their luck and need a meal and a friend.
allmyrabbits ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:23:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, that's true. I'm hoping by reading your comment more people realized this fact. Keep being awesome.
iiw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you hug him?
bnorvell11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did.
thatoneguy172 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:19:59 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Would this be the subway on 5th and Seneca, nearest the convention center? Just curious. I work in downtown, and even though I don't attend the conventions, I love them because of the amount of people (women) that are dressed up (scantly clad).(!)
bnorvell11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:52:00 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I'm pretty sure that was the one haha. Right across the street from the hotel we stayed in. I can't remember the name of the hotel.
Edit: It was Springhill Suits.
Mokoba ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 05:56:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Around 12 years ago I went to Beijing for a school trip. Through out the trip we'd got used to people taking our picture or asking to have their picture with us, light blonde hair and blue eyes made me stick out quite a bit from the crowd.
One day involved a trip to the Great Wall, the picture taking ramped up and I started to be invited into family photos, me in the middle surrounded by a Chinese family on their trip to the Great Wall. I must have been in a dozen family photos.
Fast forward 12 years and my mate from uni has moved out to Shanghai and is marrying a Chinese girl. I fly out and the day before the wedding there is a reception kinda thing for everyone to meet.
I'm chatting away but I see the brides grandmother then her parents looking over at me, talking then walking out the room. I ask the bride what is the matter, I don't want to have offended them so she goes to find out.
She comes back with the whole family with a picture of me standing in the middle of the family 12 years ago on the Great Wall.
Over a billion people, thousands of miles apart and my mate ends up marrying a girl I'd met years before.
TL;DR Chinese coincidences
Binary_Omlet ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:48:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is freaking amazing!
SllKronos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:02 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you call dibs?
MoneyShotoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is awesome
-eDgAR- ยท 608 points ยท Posted at 02:08:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just remembered about this one recently, but I haven't had any reason to tell it.
One night, when I was 17 years old I was crashing on the couch of my friend's brother's apartment, which was on the 4th floor of 5 story building that his parent's owned. They had both gone to bed, but I often have trouble sleeping, so I was wide awake. I lay on the couch, with my back elevated by the arm rest and looked out the window as I listened to music on my headphones.
It was around 2 or 3am, so the street in front of their building was pretty much empty, even though during the day it's a busy street. You'd get an occasional car every once in a while and people waiting for/getting off of the bus, which ran 24/7. I closed my eyes for a few minutes to focus on the music and hoped that I would be able to fall asleep, but I couldn't.
When I opened them I looked out towards the street again and I saw two men. One was behind the other with his arm wrapping up around his body up to his neck. His other hand was doing something behind the other man that I couldn't see. They were kind of shuffling a bit and the one that was behind had his head rested on the shoulder of the other, facing his ear, as if he was whispering something. His other
At first I thought they were a couple, embracing as they waited for the bus, but then it hit me; that guy is getting robbed at knife point. Almost immediately after I figured it out, the mugger, pushed the other guy out into the street and started running and turned the corner out of my sight. The victim lost his balance and fell, but luckily there were no on coming cars. I watched as he picked himself up and paced back and forth, still very visibly shaken by what had happened. Another man appeared from around the corner and walked up to him.
I could tell that he was explaining what had happened and pointed to the direction where the mugger went. Afterwards, he pulled out a cellphone and starting running back in the direction of the mugger. The victim slowly following him.
I think the other guy walked passed the mugger and thought it was suspicious of him to be running and went to see what had happened. He was a pretty big guy and looked like he could have been gang affiliated, but I'll never know if he was or if they were even able to catch the guy. It was the first time I had ever seen anything like that happened and what made it surreal was seeing it happen like that, because no one knew I was watching, since I was 30 feet above them looking out a window.
ziggythebear ยท 215 points ยท Posted at 05:58:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone else think it was two hobos fucking at the bus stop before you read it was a mugging?
ZachsSmirkingRevenge ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 07:53:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's always two hobos fucking at a bus stop until told otherwise.
TheTichborneClaimant ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:12:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn hobosexuals.
toomanyattempts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:23:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I though it was two drunk guys not hobos, but pretty much yeah.
ImstillaliveT98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm here with you friend puts hand on shoulder
ziggythebear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just as long as you don't rest your head on my shoulder and start whispering in my ear
Edit:spelling
mosefacekilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HEY ARE YOU DIRTY MIKE AND THE BOYS?!
ziggythebear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How you fellas doin'? We about to have us a little screw party in this red Prius over here if you wanna join us.ย
garveezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:32 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep
Wildperson ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 05:33:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'M NOT HAPPY, BOB. NOT HAPPY.
cespes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:09:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good thing too, you were this close to losing your jo-
noramacsbitch ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:59:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Way to go, Mr. Incredible. That guy was getting robbed!
YungTyphoon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:22:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's amazing it's like you were in a dream
AkayaYui ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:36:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am so ashamed. I thought it was going to be sexual...
awesomeXI ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:46:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised no one made a Rear Window reference yet.
univalence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know, right?
Uncharted-Zone ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:37:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
His other what?! I must know
bothering ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:32:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda like you weren't watching an armed robbery but rather watching a play?
[deleted] ยท -27 points ยท Posted at 04:25:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SlimmestShady ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 04:52:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well what the fรปรงk was he supposed to do? Rush down 4 stories in hopes the he can catch the mugger in time?
-eDgAR- ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 05:04:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, that's just how I felt. There was nothing I could do. It happened so quickly, I wanted to call 911 but I could not give a clear description and they were all gone from the scene.
SlimmestShady ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:08:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Totally, I mean yes you were a bystander, but you were a bystander with no useful information, and too far away to be able to help. I wouldn't expect you to do anything.
-eDgAR- ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:20:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's why looking back on it, it felt like a movie, because I had no power to do anything. And honestly, I was also a bit shaken because I had never seen anything like that. The closest thing was the story my parents told me about why they didn't have their wedding rings, because they got held up at knife point as well on a bus in Mexico a couple of years after they got married.
SlimmestShady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:24:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They never got replacements? My dad has two rings, because he thought he lost his once, so he bought a new one. Found his old one the next day. When I was little he told me it was for his "other family". I grew up with a very warped perception of monogamous relationships.
Kiwi1685 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:23 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Call the cops. The mugger ran away and two men went chasing the mugger. If the cops were told to drive to the area they might have been able to find three men and stop something very bad from escalating.
virtuallynonexistent ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:44:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
bystander effect = lots of people present, nobody does anything
definitely not what happened.
marcx1984 ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 05:42:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You could have at least banged on the window to try scaring him off
-eDgAR- ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:48:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
From 30 ft. up?
No-DrinkTheBleach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:07:07 on May 27, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dunno why you got down voted, criminals at night do it that way so they aren't seen by many, if any people, and chances are if they don't violently assault you immediately they don't ACTUALLY want to hurt you, they just want the sweet cashola. If the dude telling this story would have just opened the window and been like HEY MOTHERFUCKER the mugger would probably have just run off and dude might not have lost his wallet :/ OP kind of sucks for not even doing anything.
marcx1984 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:13:51 on May 27, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you that was my thinking anything to spook him
Figoment ยท 409 points ยท Posted at 02:37:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My dad used to play soccer just for fun in an adult league. One of his buddies on the team had a birth defect so he pretty much has crab claws instead of normal hands (Two giant fingers). He played goalie for the team. The only guy who can use his hands in soccer was the guy with fucked up hands.
Trust_Me_Im_A_Whale ยท 109 points ยท Posted at 09:39:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Also the only position that moves primarily from side to side rather than forwards and back.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:39:02 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP
Kushdoctor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You would know being a whale and all
Trust_Me_Im_A_Whale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just because we don't have feet we can't watch?
fishpond15 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:20:34 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd trust him, he's a whale.
PwnThemAll ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:48:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was his name Oswald Cobblepot?
bigroblee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:16:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, Arthur Watley.
OminousShadow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:37:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Zoidberg?
Jasondazombie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:01:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HOORAY!
RHaz44 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:12:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Were they for more than just attracting mates?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What kind of gloves does he use?
Womens_Lefts ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 06:32:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oven mitts.
Bayardina ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:45:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"We really need to find a goalie for our team." "Why not Zoidberg?" "Problem. Solved."
LimehouseBlues ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:37:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was it more effective having claw-hands? Or was the team just mean?
thatgermanbackpacker ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:06:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or was he just good at what he did?
Codeegirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you in bc?
tmoney645 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh so hard and I'm not sure why. Good work
ricadam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Something similar
We had a guy on our team who was completely deaf (I play field hockey). He was really good but it was hard to explain things to him on the field, off the field we had a little whiteboard for communication.
Also when he calls for the ball he just yells making any noise he can. which usually sounded like an injured cow, getting weird looks and laughs from the crowd. His skill quickly made up for it though.
mdpatelz ยท 1527 points ยท Posted at 04:03:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a girl about to trip an fall into oncoming traffic in Chicago while I was in a coffee shop. Some random dude on the street caught her before the unimaginable happened. They both came into the coffee shop and started talking as I left the shop. 2 years later I see them walking on the street holding hands with wedding rings on their fingers.
SomalianRoadBuilder ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 06:32:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You recognized them 2 years after?
redlaWw ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:03:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe they were hot.
Simify ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 12:14:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Humans can remember faces even if they only saw them for a few seconds or from a distance.
I'm sure you haven't thought of Tua and Tamara Mowry in like 8 years but you'd recognize them right?
SomalianRoadBuilder ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:55:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have no idea who those people are
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:37:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Except we've all seen them for way more than a few seconds. Your example doesn't even match the point you were trying to say.
Simify ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:57:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody watched sister sister for more than a few seconds
SpudOfDoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sure they can, but it's pretty easy to remember them incorrectly over that length of time, especially if you only saw them once before.
Dewmeister14 ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 05:42:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like she really...
Fell for him.
PlayMp1 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 07:17:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!
LillaNissen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
badum tss...
_vargas_ ยท 1591 points ยท Posted at 04:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awww. They're cheating on their spouses with each other. How romantic!
[deleted] ยท 526 points ยท Posted at 04:58:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Goddammit, vargas! Let me revel in the fairytale, for fucks sake!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:28:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're supposed to put the emphasis on "damn", as so:
Goddamnit, vargas!
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest, that was a pretty good joke.
officerha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Typical Vargas.
Crisspie13 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:20:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
VARGAS!!!
Dropboy6 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Vargas always ruins the mood.
FmMan3 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 08:30:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's the second time you've had to change my perception of an otherwise beautiful story, dammit.
moochmasta ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 05:00:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, Vargas is on a fucked up roll today
ij3k ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:22:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean, today?
Shaggyninja ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:10:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/u/_vargas_ lives at the North pole so his days are actually 6 months long.
Pretty sure that's how it works.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:28:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They were cheating on their spice with each other. Learn how to plural.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:31:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ricksmorty ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't account for the wedding rings.
See, that's why Vargas' reply was clever.
thorium220 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:53:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whooosh
NotACompleteDumbass ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:53:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a Lifetime movie
Sagemaster_4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:55:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like the plot to a movie I've seen...
kastellan123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:56:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin Vargas
bigroblee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:06:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You just hang in ask reddit threads all day talking smack?
Cheifer176 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:31:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wheres /u/thoma5nator?! Goddamnit thats his cue! CUUTTT
ChubbyMonkeyX ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:42:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Silly vargas (โ๏พโ๏พ)โ
King_condom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:49:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Vargas, it's time to take the mask off and show us the person behind these witty comments.
thorium220 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We need an AMA.
dieoner ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:11:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pinche vargas
AxeApollo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:30:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
classic vargas.
forca_micah ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:12:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...goddammit, vargas...
Ass-assin ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:55:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
YOU JUST HAVE TO RUIN THE MOMENT DON'T YOU VARGAS!
cjdeck1 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:19:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God dammit vargas
Dosinu ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 10:06:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
fuck off you did 2 years later.
infecthead ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:43:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lol ok
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:03:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In another dimension, she fell head first into an oncoming bus and he was left gripping her lifeless body. He later became a hitman vowing revenge on the love of his life.
Walnut156 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:32:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I need to save someone to get married? That must be what I'm doing wrong! It can't be because I'm fat!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:32:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I prevented a toddler from running into oncoming traffic once. That was interesting. The kid was running and I just instinctively was like "whoa kid is running" and the parents were all thankful and bowing (because they were Asian). They were a cute family. :)
Seph1roth17 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:15:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like something right out of Hitch
RikVanguard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:14:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dat Sudden Onset Florence Nightingale effect
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:50:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How'd you know it was them?
0hBaby ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Liar
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:09:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thathappened
b8b ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:54:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It did? Oh good. Frankly it sounded really fake to me.
AdventurerSmithy ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 05:45:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why is it on every post it's /r/thatHappened ?
Who gives a fuck man, don't be a debbie downer and ruin everyone elses fun.
anuwtheawesome ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 08:31:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I agree that it may be considered a "debbie downer" for pointing out that it may not have occurred, but seriously. That story was just like it was out of a movie. Since when do you recognise somebodies face from 2 years ago after you've seen them for 30 seconds? And I've never noticed whether or not people in the streets have rings on. Obviously the chances of this happening is so low, why the hell wouldn't the first thought be whether or not this happened. Don't insult someone for even mentioning something may not have happened.
theorys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โบ๏ธ
wax147 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:32:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wat is dis?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now THAT'S a meet cute
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:35 on May 22, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When you said girl about to trip I was imagining a 10 year old! Made the ending a little weirder for me..
ValkyrieCain175 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:19:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So it would appear as though she...
Fell for him.
ElNextBeaner ยท 176 points ยท Posted at 03:46:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When i first came to the united states (almost 3 years ago) everybody told me that i was not going to make it. That i was too old to learn the language(20) and that i was destined to do manual labor like every other immigrant. Fast forward to present day, i'm very close to get my associates (yeah, not super fancy, but to me it means something)
My english is some-what decent, i have my own car and i' debt free. So fuck everybody that told me that i was not going to make it. Yeah, i had to get it off my chest.
edit:wow reddit, thanks for all the good comments/pm's!
QnickQnick ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 08:42:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your story had better English than most of what you see on reddit from native speakers. Congrats
thomshouse ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:20:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good job. Only here 3 years, you're closer to a degree than I am, and your English is at least as good as many, many people who were born here. Keep it up, and good on you for not listening to those people.
ElNextBeaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:18 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank You! Work on your degree, it feels good to get that piece of paper!
Sunshine_Everytime ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:39:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
trust me your english is probably a lot better than a lot of americans. takes some dedication and grit to do what you did. some people have lived here their whole lives can't speak english, don't have any friends or a car, and are riddled with debt--so congrats to you buddy. and in only 3 years that's pretty good... I'm sure you're going to go even further!!
ElNextBeaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:32 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! I didn't wanted to be just another immigrant, and i knew exactly what to do to better myself.
A-Mackz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:33:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Even being debt free is a massive thing in a lot of western countries, congratulations!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:06:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man, I totally feel for you and you know what - fuck 'em!
Sometimes you make it not because people believe in you, but it's because they didn't.
Nickk_Jones ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:20:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hell yeah man! And that degree is a hell of an accomplishment for anyone, but especially for someone immigrating to a new country and learning a whole new language.
DAsSNipez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:21:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can't believe someone told you that 20 was too old to learn a language.
You won't pick it up the same way you would as a child but you can most definitely learn it.
ElNextBeaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was not easy, but so far i've been able to go to college/work and have a social life, so i think i'm doing it right.
aBoredBrowser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:00:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
respect! sometimes they don't realize they might be using reverse psychology lol
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:41:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ElNextBeaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:48 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow... thanks!! Next year i will be starting my bachelor's at Texas A&M :D!
A_Friendly_Canadian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good for you man. Fuck the haters. I wish you good luck with your future.you can do whatever you set your mind to, if you Decide its what you want
ximan11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your English is great for the most part. Being debt free is an incredible accomplishment in America today, congratulations!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well as far as I can read your English is just fine.
skabb0 ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 11:50:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
So, lets go with the surgery-raid story.. (As opposed to the walked-into-a-raid story).
It was 2004 - I was 21, a web developer, and a very low-level pot dealer. I only sold to friends and only for about 5 months. $20 bags, never had more than 3-4oz in the house at once. Y'know, small time.
I'm sitting there working on a website, and my back was sore. It's often sore, so I didn't worry too much about it. It continued to get more and more sore for the rest of the day, and worse into the next day. My then-girlfriend starts requesting I make a trip to the doctor. I decline, saying I'd probably pulled a muscle and it would heal on its own (I have mild scoliosis, so back pain is nothing novel to me). I go to sleep the second night, and wake up with it even worse on the third day, and starting to radiate outward from my back, so I finally take her up on her suggestion and go see my GP. I get into his office, he comes in and makes small talk for a moment while he holds a stethoscope to my back. He goes dead silent in the middle of a sentence, looks at me (a bit paler than you ever want to see a doctor look), and says "You have to go to the ER. Like, now. In fact, I need you to sign this." He rummages through a drawer, and comes out with a form that states that I have been advised to head STRAIGHT to the nearest E.R, have declined an ambulance ride, and that he is not to be held responsible for the imminent death I will experience if I don't heed this instruction. He informs me that my left lung has collapsed completely, and that my right lung has 'reduced breath sounds', though the extent will have to be determined by x-ray.
I assure him I will go to the ER, and nowhere else, and do. I arrive, get whisked through the waiting room (always a sign that you're about to die), and into the imaging department. A scan confirms it: Left lung 100% collapsed, right lung subsequently 60% collapsed after having to pick up the slack for the absent left. For anyone here who isn't up on their tension pneumothorax diagnoses, when you experience a lung collapse without external trauma, the air has nowhere to escape to, and the pressure had forced my entire left lung down into the space of about a peach at the bottom of my pleural chamber. This is one of those situations where (absent major blood loss) a gunshot or knife wound is actually preferable - it gives the air somewhere to go. The buildup of pressure is what kills you with a tension pneumothorax - not suffocation (generally). Since the necessary external wound didn't exist, they had to create one. A thoracic surgeon walks in with a large, sharp metal spike - about 2 feet long, 2cm in diameter, and very sharp. With no time for a general anesthetic (the pressure buildup in your chest cavity can stop your heart at any time, so they don't know if I have five hours or five minutes), he gives me a shot of lidocaine under the left armpit, makes about an inch-long slice in the general area of the top of my ribcage, and says "Roll right, and hold on tight to the arm of of the bed." I do, as he inserts the pointy end into the newly-formed incision and leans his entire body weight on to the metal rod. Chest walls are some seriously stubborn membranes, and are not about to make way for any old half-assed attempt at puncture. I literally had to hold with all my remaining strength not to be pushed off the side of the bed by the force of the spike, before it finally broke through my chest wall, and slid all the way in to meet my sternum in the center with a palpable 'clink'. The puncture was accompanied by the unmistakable sound of pressurized air escaping (think the sound of opening the valve on an inflated tire). Since the lung was bunched up so tightly at the bottom of the chest cavity, he was in no danger of puncturing it with the spike - it slid in well above it, and then was withdrawn, leaving a rubber tube in its place to continue allowing air to escape. Before I have time to recover, the same procedure is repeated with the right side, though with very slightly less pressurized air sound.
I was immediately put on large doses of demerol and morphine, and the ends of the tubes that were not in my pleural cavity were inserted into tubs of water on either side of my bed. This little stroke of elegant medicine allows anyone watching to get a very clear indication if there is still air escaping from my lungs - if I take a breath and the water bubbles, the holes in my lungs haven't healed yet. Later that night, I joked to my mother that if someone handed me a joint and then were to hover over the bucket, I could feasibly become the worlds first living human bong.
Days go by, and the right lung-tub gradually stops bubbling, but the left does not, meaning the holes ('blebs' was the term they used to refer to the congenital weak spots on the lungs that eventually, inevitably gave way, causing the collapse) had not healed themselves. Surgery was required. I was put under, and as it was described to me, they made 3 holes in my left ribcage - one for the camera, one for forceps, and one for the required instruments - a medical stapler to close the ruptured blebs, and a piece of medical-grade sandpaper to injure the outside of my lung, followed by the inside of my chest cavity, followed by pressing the two together and allowing my body to heal that way, with scar tissue permanently holding the outside of my left lung to the inside of my chest cavity (this procedure is called a 'pleurodesis').
Many morphines later (and following the intensely unpleasant procedure of removing the chest tubes) I'm released. I'm driven home, given Betadine for the wounds under either arm (which still contain about 8 stitches on the right and 30 or so on the left), and left to recover, my girlfriend tending to my fragile state as much as possible.
Fast forward less than 48 hours. There's a loud, unmistakably police-like knock at the front door. I look out, see two uniformed officers, and hobble down the stairs to open the door. "Are you skabbo?"
"Yes."
"Is that your white Civic outside?"
"Yes.."
"Oh, man, someone really trashed it. It looks like they smashed your window with a brick - you've gotta come take a look at it and make sure nothing is stolen so we can file a report."
"Shit, ok. Let me go get my keys, one sec." I turn to begin walking back upstairs, when I'm interrupted: "No, don't get your keys. Not necessary."
Obviously at this point, I knew something was up. The cop gives me a "c'mere" gesture. I take two steps outside my front door, and out of the corner of my right eye, I see a handful of police in full SWAT gear drop a metal battering ram. The one in front comes running full speed and tackles me to the ground, popping at least one stitch on my left side and causing excruciating pain (I had barely been able to twist my torso without serious pain for weeks). The remaining former battering-ram-wielding cops ran past us and into the apartment, where they proceeded to drag me, handcuffed, a moment later. I sat on my kitchen floor for at least two hours while they scoured every corner of my tiny 600 sq ft, 1 bdr apartment. Every possession I owned was dumped in a huge pile on my bed, while they occasionally came in to make remarks like "Boy, you picked the wrong fuckin' town to sell dope in."
I'll abbreviate what happened from here on. They'd apparently arrested a 'friend' of mine on a minor possession charge, and he or she gave me up in exchange for leniency. Not only did they give me up, but they'd come to my place in the weeks prior to my hospitalization and bought a $20 bag from me with a marked $20 bill, and since I hadn't been home to potentially spend it, the cops recovered that very bill during the search. I also had 10g of raw Xanax that I'd ordered from Canada, which I'd devised a method for measuring into 1mg capsules. They saw this process of measurement as 'manufacture', and I was charged thusly: "Manufacture with intent to distribute a controlled substance" - same charge as if I'd been running a meth lab. There also happened to be a school a few blocks away, which I'd never given a second though to, until it automatically doubled the severity of the charges.
This all took place in New Jersey, which is a mandatory minimum state. I ended up with five felony charges and two misdemeanors, for a sum total of 27 years in state prison if I'd plead guilty to all of the above. Very, very fortunately, the lawyer I retained happened to know the prosecutor for the case, and told him I was a "good kid" who'd made a really shitty decision. This, along with the lead cop in the raid talking to the prosecutor and telling him that I really did "seem like a good kid", had been cooperative, polite, etc, convinced the prosecutor to give me an ROR and a pre-trial intervention. Even my lawyer was blown away. I was released sans-bail, and in exchange for pleading guilty to distributing pot, all the other charges were dropped, and I was given one year of probation, and 25 hours of community service (cleaning up a bar for disabled veterans). From April to November, I was certain I was going to be in prison until I was nearly 60.
tl;dr: in 2004 it looked like I was going to die, and didn't, immediately followed by 7 months of looking like I was going to spend most of my adult life in prison, then didn't.
I still see the same doctor even though I've moved a state away. I figure saving my life buys him a loyal patient. Also, though I don't participate in any level of drug sales any longer, you'd better believe I'd retain that same lawyer in a heartbeat if I happened to find myself in need of one.
Edit: the spells
def_leper ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:33:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's a hell of a story mate. Thanks for taking the time to write it!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:50:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sad you got here late to the thread because that was a really decent story
wertexx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:05 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great story! i felt pain in my lungs reading this! and the second part of the story, wow!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am from the Netherlands but I did not know that you could get 27 years of prison for selling pot in the USA. Here you can buy it a the Coffee shops. (Btw no I don't smoke pot or use any other drugs)
skabb0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:50 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The majority of the time would have been for the manufacture charge (15 years, if I remember correctly). The remaining 12 were the combined charges having to do with the pot - possession within 1000 feet of a school, possession over 1 oz with intent to distribute, intent to distribute within 1000 feet of a school, etc.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest 1000 feet to a school is a shitty system. If you did not knew about a school you get extra charges for somthing you did not know about. A better law would be extra charges if they have prove that you sold to people under 18
skabb0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:10 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I very much agree, but reason rarely comes into play in regards to drug laws. The desire to appear 'tough on crime', in combination with the 'someone think of the children!' mentality leads to Drug Free School Zones which cover the majority of many major cities, multiplying sentences entirely unrelated to the schools themselves.
[deleted] ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 04:11:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ratava ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 13:41:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why... would you not wipe?!
Camel_Holocaust ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:24:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because the sound of toilet paper on skin is way louder than a brutal shit. And also shut up, the man felt boobies.
cellar_spider ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:20:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"she never woke up. Felt Boobies." That does not sound good.
cdc194 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:48:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please elaborated on tbe boobies story, I need something to clear my mental image of your mud butt.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:28:12 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Eyebleach.com
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:06:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got really worried when you said she never woke up. Then I read the last sentence.
Bayardina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The TL;DR led me to believe you felt up a dead person.
leinaD_natipaC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're implying you killed her.
Ventrex_da_Albion ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 09:49:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoting for the last sentence
MsIreneAdler ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 10:54:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
After being inpatient in an under 18's eating disorder ward for 6 months, I was both one of the oldest and more recovered patients. We were still getting new patients once or twice a month when the old patients doing well were discharged, and I made it my business to cheer up my new "roommates. I build sofa forts, skateboarded in the corridors, let off streamers and generally caused mayhem and ruckus. In around December time, a new patient was admitted, very young and very confused as to why she was here. Mealtimes on the ward, normally an unpleasant but sober affair, consisted of her crying and crying fit to break your heart. Nothing seemed to make it easier for her, and the other patients began to complain of her "triggering" behaviour at the dinner table. That got me pretty mad, so I decided that I was gonna go to any lengths to be her friend and cheer her up. I started by hanging out with her during the day and persuading the other patients to join us playing games and doing activities. As one of the longest-standing patients, I had a certain degree of respect among the other patients, and they started to warm to the new girl. But meals were still unbearable for her. Hours and hours would pass with her sitting crying and refusing to take a bite. Even the nurses were getting angry and frustrated with her. She missed therapy time and activities and just about everything, sitting there in tears. One day I came back from weekend leave with a secret weapon. I had to smuggle it in in my pocket, because there was no way (with the very strict meal time regulations) I was going to be allowed to keep it if the nurses saw. Come dinner that night, I took my usual seat at the "eating unsupervised" table and waved across at my friend at the maximum support table. She offered a watery smile and raised her hand in greeting. Then I pulled out my prize- an old fashioned, curl-around-your-eyes pair of drinking straw-glasses, with an extra long and wiggly end. I popped it into my glass of calorie-condensed, weight gain sludge muck and started to slurp it up, sending the browny-grey foulness spiralling round my eyes and making exaggerated slurping sounds. Uproar ensued. The girls on my table broke down in fits of hysterical giggles, the supervising nurse on the second table broke down in howls of laughter, and on the maximum support table, my crying friend began to laugh. It was a lovely sound. Throughout the whole meal, I played the fool. I threw peanuts up and caught them in my mouth, I made my sandwich talk, made myself alien antennae with straws. Once I was done and she was still eating, I came over to her table and told her inappropriate jokes until the duty sister frog-marched me away. That night she ate her whole meal without having to be supplemented, and the next night, and the next. TL;DR acted like an idiot to cheer up my friend and it worked
EDIT: oh my-gold! I'm honoured and humbled! I never expected so much kindness. Thank you!
EDIT AGAIN: double gold... I can't believe it. Thank you so, so much!
ElBanditos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:16:04 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Youre a good person:) and hilarious!!
isecretelyeatbunnies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:27 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've been in inpatient facilities a few times, and there was always that one person like you who always kept a smile on our faces. I hope you know you probably touched that girl more than you will ever realize.
rampant_juju ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:22 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was very, very sweet of you.
Shadyboi ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 04:33:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was having a cigarette break outside when 3 attractive teenage girls came up to me and asked me in a really flirty way if they could buy a couple of cigarettes off of me. (sticking their chests out, biting their lips) They looked not of age so I asked,
"how old are you guys?"
"how old do we look ;)"
"(looks them up and down)....25 to life"
The guy next to me bursted in laughter. It was the one of the wittiest things I have ever said. (I am not a wise man.) They looked weirded out because me and the other guy were laughing.
They asked again and I basically told them no because they were obviously not 18+. They just said whatever. I don't tell the story a lot because it basically sounds like a /r/thatHappened.
Setari ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:22:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, that sounds like something that could happen.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty clever.
invinciblesummmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:49:24 on May 18, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Smooth! But can somebody explain the reference? :D
Shadyboi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:24:25 on May 18, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was basically making reference them being too young yet very flirtatious with me. Since they do not look old enough to smoke, they are not old enough to consent to sexual relations with an adult. In most states in the US, the penalty for statutory rape is "25 years to life" in jail.
Hence when they asked me how old they looked, I said that because they are obviously not old enough to smoke and they obviously shouldn't be flirting with a man my age, because that would get me in big trouble.
invinciblesummmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:30 on May 19, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha thanks :)
Ryugi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:08 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm saving that line in my brain for future use...
ever_eddy ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 09:34:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
From 2009 until 2010 I worked in Prague as an account manager for a technology company. After a year of working this job which I really hated, I was burned out and needed to escape the rat race. I did some research and decided to go live in an intentional community (hippy commune) on the Spanish island Ibiza.
I finished my 1 year employment contract and flew to the island the same week.
Upon arrival at Ibiza airport I was picked up by the owner of the communityโs farm. Upon arrival, after a cursory tour, I was shown to my accommodation โ a small hand-built single-room cottage, one of a row of five on a pretty meadow.
After unpacking my stuff, I introduced myself to my neighbor. It turned out he was a Czech guy, also from Prague โ a big coincidence in itself โ so we hit it off and over next days became good friends. After nearly a week in the community I asked him about his life in Prague before the community. He told me he had been there for almost exactly a year. Before that he worked for a technology company in Prague. I probed him for more info, and to my (almost) disbelief it turns out that he had MY position in the same company immediately before me. He left after a burnout in 2008, creating the vacancy that I applied for and filled.
TL;DR I moved to the other side of Europe and my neighbor was my predecessor at my previous job
SKatieRo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:05:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Find out what he is doing next so you will know what's going to happen to you!!!
SirKosys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:24:48 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's awesome! What was life at the commune like?
ever_eddy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:06:49 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Initially it was great, I gained many insights on my own spirituality and my mental relationship with my physical self, in addition to some very practical and effective relaxation techniques.
Unfortunately I ididn't see completely eye-to-eye with the owner of the commune (it was his land) - and after an extended stay this became a real bone of contention which eventually contributed to my wanting to move on.
Ibiza has a large number of ntentional communities, each with their own philosophies and methods. I would recommend without hesitation that anyone wanting to discover more about alternative lifestyles consider spending some time on the island.
SirKosys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:53:04 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the reply, definitely sounds like a great experience.
[deleted] ยท 776 points ยท Posted at 03:33:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Background information:
Everyone in the room except me (I'm Asian) is black, even the teacher.
My name is TJ. No one in the real world calls me peking-duckface so I will not put that in there.
I was in 7th grade and we were watching The Stepfather. My friend Ciara, who was sitting next to me, randomly said "I don't like watching movies with black people; they're too loud." Another guy said "So you don't like watching movies with yourself?"
Ciara: "I'm a black person, I'm not two black people."
Other Guy: "Would you watch a movie with TJ?"
Ciara: "Yeah, TJ's quiet."
Teacher: "OKAY BLACK PEOPLE, BE QUIET!"
egglatorian ยท 190 points ยท Posted at 05:38:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
7th grade also and our social studies teacher is going over the lesson with us and it's Q&A.
She starts realizing that the only kids bothering to answer are Hispanic or White despite the fact we're going over Black History.
She slams the book down and goes, "Everyone put your hands down. I'm talking to the black kids in here. Who invented the cotton gin?" No hands. She's like, "ARE YOU SERIOUS? THIS IS YOUR HISTORY."
No hands.
She goes, "First person to answer correctly gets a dollar."
My hand goes up and she points to me and I answer, "Eli Whitney" and she runs over and hands me a dollar and goes, "WHY DON'T YOU KIDS KNOW YOUR OWN HISTORY? SHE'S MEXICAN. WHY DOES SHE KNOW BUT YOU DON'T?"
I don't know the answer to this but I got me a dollar.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 05:50:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my gosh... that's beautiful. xDDDD
Honestly though I think I know more about Chinese history than anyone else I'm related to... and I barely know jackshit.I just know that Qin Shi Huangdi reincarnated into my mother, Han Gaozu is the shit, and the Zhou dynasty was the age of Confucius.egglatorian ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:55:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lmao. TO BE HONEST, I don't know anything about Mexican history except what coincides with Texas History. But we never studied anything in school about Mexican history so v(o.o)v
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:58:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, well, I only have taken the classes World History and American History. So all I know about Chinese history is that which I remember from sixth grade. (I have a damn good memory... if you want me to tell you more stories from my middle school years I am more than happy to do so :D)
I also have very interesting cautionary boyfriend storiesegglatorian ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:59:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well this is a thread about stories you wanna tell so tell dem stories?
I also have a lot of stories about my middle school and high school years thanks to going to school in a public, very bad school in South Dallas.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:43:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You tell yours too. Yes. (And tell me what you think of mine.)
Sorry for lateness, but here we go...
โข So I had a huuuuge fucking crush on this guy in sixth grade. I called him Marshmallow with my friends, so we'll call him Marshmallow. Our school district has this thing called "Webmail", so one day just out of boredom I typed in his (real) first name into a Webmail email and I clicked send thinking it wouldn't send, but it did send. I was hoping he wouldn't acknowledge the email's existence but... he did. My Webmail signature at the time was "Your buddie, TJ." (Yeah, I know, I'm a total dork.) and some time later I got a reply to it that said "I'm not your friend." Naturally I was a little bit startled by this, so I deleted it. Some time later I got another email from him; I opened it and saw only this much of it: "Im not your Buddie L--" (I actually don't know what came after the L but I think it was lame loser or something, I didn't read the whole word because I deleted it before I could read the whole sentence.)
โขย An interesting twist to the Marshmallow story: In SEVENTH grade, I got significantly hotter having grown my hair out a little bit. One day I saw him hug my friend in the hallway and I got super jealous, but THEN he said "Hi, TJ." I was like, "H-How do you know my name?!" since I wasn't actually aware he knew I existed. He said, "I remember you from last year." And when I saw him in the hallways we would talk. Eventually he asked me to date him. I kind of liked him a little too much... perhaps a bit obsessed. Then one day he broke up with me, and I was bummed as fuck. The first day I took it well. The second day it actually sunk in that he didn't like me anymore (first day I sorta deceived myself because my other friend got broken up with but apparently the guy still liked her, so they were FWB or whatever), so I ended up crying during dance class and was depressed as fuck for a long time. I added him on Facebook and liked all of his statuses because I didn't know about the whole Notification Thing. (Being new to Facebook I had no clue that they existed, so when he unfriended me I was rather surprised... eventually I figured it out though and wanted to go punch myself for being a scrotum.) Another interesting followup: He refriended me sometime in either eighth or ninth grade, pretty sure I was even hotter having learned to pluck my eyebrows. (Disclaimer- I'm not a girl. I'm AFAB genderqueer and I used to be more feminine... but my gender expression changes cuz sometimes I feel more male and sometimes I feel more female.)
โข In seventh grade (before I dated Marshmallow as well as sometime after) I had a fangirl Bieber crush on this boy whom I called Roadkill (because his initials spelled out RK and I thought 'Roadkill' had a badass ring to it). I would stare at him constantly because I thought that was what you were supposed to do when you had a crush. One day, my friend told me he said he was trying to ignore me, and I ended up sobbing so much I had to leave school early. (My mom got mad at me for being so damn sensitive.) After eighth grade, however, I friended Roadkill on Facebook and we became online friends (read: our friendship only existed online; he didn't and does not think of me as his friend IRL), and would talk about the randomest shit. I also pretended to get drunk off of Sport Tea once (read: I drank a shitload of Sport Tea and convinced myself I was drunk, so I acted the part) and he said "That's weird... You sound like a ten year old now." I also posted like a million status updates (in the same day, one after another) about how much I loved Sport Tea.
โข When I was in sixth grade there was this one guy who would always talk about how much he loved my purse (let's call him Timmy). One day my mom told me she was going to give me a new purse, so I decided to give Timmy my old one. We had a sub that day in the class I had with Timmy, and at some point he said "You're a nice student! You belong here." (It was an honors math class.) I wrote Timmy a note saying I would give him the purse since I was getting a new one, and although originally I planned to give it to him after class I got called out of class early because my mom was picking me up for something. So I gave Timmy the note when I left, thinking nothing of it. When I got back, however, my actual teacher said the sub said "all the students were very good EXCEPT for one very IMMATURE STUDENT who passed a student a note saying she would give them a purse! School is not about going shopping for purses! Whoever did this does not deserve to be in an honors math class! This was embarrassing for me!" (This was my favorite teacher; I felt fucking horrible.) She said she didn't know who the student was because Sub Man didn't remember the name, but I had a feeling that when she found out she would be extremely disappointed and have my head. Some time later I had my mom tell her because I thought if I did, she'd be pissed at me and kick me out of her class. When my mom explained to her, she totally understood. I was like, "OH GOSH, PHEW!" and a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
โขย In sixth and seventh grade I had this friend whom I would always play "Would you rather" with. We always made the options really really hideously disgusting, to the point where we'd always be like "OKAY, ANOTHER OPTION PLEASE?" and it would be so weird having to choose xD. I had a reunion of sorts with her years later, and when we were playing it again she started to ask "Would you rather have balls full of spaghetti -- " and at that point before she could even finish I was laughing so hard I was crying more than I did for any boy, and my stomach hurt so badly. At some point I wasn't even making any noise. She was like "Did I just say balls filled with spaghetti?!" and began laughing too.
egglatorian ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:20:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lmao, you remind me a lot of some folks i went to school with.
I went to bad neighborhood public school (the kind you see in old 90s movies).
Then she kicked him out of her classroom.
No one thought much about it till our young art teacher returned and then yelled at us for being so mean to him! We were really confused and everyone was looking at each other like, what the heck is she talking about? She kept at it and told us that we shouldn't treat mentally disabled people like that! I still don't know what she thinks she saw that day??
The crowd parted as teachers started pulling students away but two girls were still going at it, tooth and nail. Finally one girl grabs the back of the head of the other and starts slamming her face-down into the cafeteria table and blood is flying.
Everyone is screaming at that point and a couple of teachers finally manage to tear them apart and drag them away.
We're all astonished at what we'd just witnessed but then a few minutes later it's time to get to our classes and as we walk out the hallway, we can see on the floor is a trail of blood.
Was so confused about why he was talking about this in a math class.
Not that we had a problem with each other, we just didn't bother to.
Finally one day our teacher is calling roll and says my name first as my first name initial comes before my sisters. She then calls out my sister's name and it dawns on her that we have the same last name and she asks us if we were aware!
We looked at each other and then at her and laughed. I said, "Yeah, we're aware." she continues, "We even share the same parents."
No one believed we were sisters even though, you know, we had the same last name and said we were sisters.
We looked pretty different, mind you - I was fat with frizzy black hair and she was lovely with straight brown hair. If people did believe we were related, they usually thought we were only half-sisters or maybe even step. Nope, full parents.
It's funnier now because I lost weight and we both cut our hair short around the same time and people thought we were twins. !?!?!?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:11:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[removed]
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:15:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Biologically female. Definition of genderqueer
Nosfermarki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, was it Spruce?
egglatorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I was going to say "It was bad but at least it wasn't Spruce." Nope, i went to Spruce's rival, Samuell. (Lets be honest, equally as bad.)
Nosfermarki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that whole area is bad. I lived in the Balch Springs area for a while and boy, do I have stories lol.
egglatorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh lmfao, i'm out in Balch Springs now. I also have stories but mostly of living in Pleasant Grove pfft.
Nosfermarki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:03:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, Not-So-Pleasant Grove. My grandparents lived there when I was growing up. I'm in Seagoville now, so howdy neighbor :)
egglatorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:25 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, pretty much! I used to hang out in Seagoville so much growing up but now I haven't been out there in years. Haha, no one in Dallas knows where Balch Springs and Seagoville are so it's funny to find someone on the internet who knows where I'm talking about.
AbanoMex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:31:25 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dont worry, it goes like, War/invasion/Ocupation/civil War/independence/War/invasion/Ocupation/War/war/Defeat and losing texas/Civil War/ present
SomeNiceButtfucking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:43 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are not a crook.
egglatorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:11 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
... Thanks, man.
SomeNiceButtfucking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:45 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I swung and missed. v(o.o)v
egglatorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:09 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lmao, sorry It always just looked like someone shrugging to me instead of holding up the v sign
MisterBrick ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:43:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of my own story.
When I was 16, I used to have shitty marks in math. So when I didn't know an answer on a test, I wrote a pun about the question.
And my teacher gave me extra points almost each time.
egglatorian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant. I don't think any of my math teachers would be so inclined.
MisterBrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ho you know, he was the cool teacher everyone wanted:
He gave us a test on Easter day, the last question was "Draw a chick there." ; on a sunny summer day, he decided that we should do the class outside sitting in the grass...
He was very dedicated to our attainment, so when he noticed most of us had a bad feeling about our finals, he invited us to his home where we revised all afternoon ; he was very confident with his students, because doing that with minors could have sent him to court!
egglatorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:26 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow! Yeah, I can't imagine any of my teachers being so open. I had some good ones but you could tell they were becoming jaded after being in our school system for so long. :/
elshroom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:52:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is why guy got the title of egglatorian and not valedictorian.
egglatorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
hahahaha!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That mexican kids name?
egglatorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the Mexican kid.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, I was just taking the piss. Seeing as you got a dollar from you teacher, it reminded me of a common gag from /r/thathappened, where the protagonists of rather unbelieveable stories get handed money for "brave" things they did or end up being Albert Einstein.
Here is what I was refering to.
egglatorian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:29:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ah! Sorry, I'm still new around Reddit so a lot of these jokes fly right over my head.
AbanoMex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:55 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alberto Einsteino.
penisinthepeanutbttr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:39:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think 4am is too late for me to understand this, but its still funny.
alhoward ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty dang funny.
tacomalvado ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 04:28:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few months ago, my 72-year-old comes home from a long day at work (we keep telling him to retire, but he's hardcore Mexican and loves working). He's expecting a hot meal from my grandma and some time to relax. Instead he's greeted by a bunch of his adult spawn and their spouses trying to console my hysterical grandma. As soon as she spots him, she goes apeshit on him. She is screaming all sorts of obscenities at him, calling him a whore and how she expected more from him after finding God (my grandpa use to be an alcoholic and cheat on my grandma a lot back in the day. He then found God, got sober, moved to the US, and has been a good husband ever since). My grandpa is confused, and asks for an explanation from someone. Finally, my uncle steps up and gives my grandpa an important looking document. Turns out it's an order stating that he owes back child support for a baby in Los Angeles. My grandparents live in Bakersfield, but grandpa travels a lot to Los Angeles to buy cheap shit to resell and visit my family.
My grandpa knows there's something wrong. He insists to my grandma that he hasn't cheated on her in decades and hasn't cheated on her since moving to the United States. Grandma won't have any of it though, and keeps shouting and now starts throwing shoes at him. As grandpa dodges, he finally puts two and two together. His oldest grandson is a miserably married man living in Vegas, and was named after him.
As soon as my grandma runs out of shoes, he runs inside and calls my cousin. He tells my cousin what happened and asks him why he's getting a child support order for some kid in LA. My cousin immediately confesses that he had been having an affair with a woman in LA, but left her when she got pregnant (what a champ, huh?). My grandpa passes the phone to my grandma and makes my cousin tell her what he did. Grandma quickly apologizes to grandpa, and then starts shouting at my cousin for making her look bad and hiding a great-grandchild from her (she hates his wife, so she doesn't care about the cheating).
No word yet if my cousin has started paying child support, but my grandparents have made plans to visit the poor, innocent child involved in this because they love all their bastard grandkids and great-grandkids just like the regular ones.
truckbot101 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 08:52:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your grandparents are really nice
tacomalvado ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:03:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. My grandma might be batshit crazy (hence throwing shoes at my grandpa, outside, in front of the neighbors and their adult children), but my grandparents love all their grandkids and great-grandkids. They're actually really protective over be being gay. They might not like it, but they won't let anyone else in the family do or say anything against me because of it.
truckbot101 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:06:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow
dirtypeeps ยท 95 points ยท Posted at 04:35:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've been accepted into the summer program at the Culinary Institute of America, which is the oldest and best culinary school in America. I have no clue how to bring it into conversation without seeming bitchy.
But dammit, I'm proud of myself!
ninjajandal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:32:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome, go you!
harper54 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:45:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good for you!
fishflavoursoap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:09:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations! I'm sure you'll kick butt :)
Bayardina ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:43:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good for you! A complete stranger is now very proud of your accomplishment.
SameBachelorAsObama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great job! You should be proud about it! The 22nd of May i will be holding a "lecture" together with the Ministry of Health, I'm 22 years old and I'm so proud of myself (and nervous)! I have told people, but the reactions have been somewhat cold. So I don't feel like telling more people about it, except you, since you did something similar.
elladron995 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:01 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When people ask where you work, tell them you're at the CIA. It would serve the dual purpose of bringing it into the conversation organically and also ingratiating yourself with a new crowd (depending on the context, obviously).
Also, nice job!
RJ815 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just say you were accepted into the CIA and people should be impressed.
Camel_Holocaust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:43 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You wait until the person asks what you're doing in life. Tell them you've been accepted to the school. They'll ask if it's a good school/ more info whatever. Tell them it's the oldest culinary school in America and you're super excited to start there and you never thought they'd accept you. Boom you stay humble and get to brag.
Ganymedian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:51 on May 17, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was about to go there myself before my diagnosis. Good to see another chef going for the dream! Congrats, good luck, and have fun for the both of us!
gregjonezz ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 10:57:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About a month ago, on my way home from a friends house, I see a SUV with two guys in it broken down. It is in a pretty dangerous spot right off the highway, so I stop and help. He asked if I had any jumper cables, but I didn't. I just cleaned my car that day and never put them back in. So I help the younger of the two push the SUV to the side of the road, and offer to give them a ride. They were both incredibly pleasant, and I felt good being able to help. While I'm giving them a ride, we start talking. Turns out the younger man is new to the area, and is the General Manager of a pretty nice hotel that's about to open up. I tell him that I'm the Night Auditor at another nearby hotel, so he gives me his card and says if I ever need anything to give him a call. I've been at the hotel I work at for 4 years now, and we have a pretty new management staff. Lately they have been screwing around with us, cutting our hours, all while hiring new people. It's been getting pretty frustrating, so Thursday of last week I decide to send him an email. He responds about 15 minutes later asking if I could send him my resume. So I send it to him, and he calls me.. (It's about 6:00 PM) He thanks me again, and asks if I could come in for an interview the next day. Interview went awesome, hotel is beautiful, and he offered me more money than I am currently making after 4 years. I find out my start date tomorrow.
Starting_again ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:42:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations on the new job.
gregjonezz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:02:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! Everything kind of just happened. I told my Manager that I was going to be putting in my 2 weeks Monday, and he offered to match the other guys offer. But it's almost as if it were meant to be, so I'm gonna follow through with it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:57:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
People helping people, powerfull stuff
MoneyShotoh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck man
SirKosys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:19:35 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yay!!
freshkicks ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 05:48:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The most surreal experience I've ever had happened this Thursday!
During my grad retreat (supervised grad campout) there was a big talent show/open mic of sorts, in an outdoor fire pit/stage
For context, I'm a pretty shy dude. I keep to myself and not many people know a lot about me other than my artwork. What only a few people know is that I have hundreds of songs written and never performed.
As you can assume, I worked myself up enough to go infront of my class of 140 peers (small school) and rapped one of my songs utilizing a portable speaker. When I finished the last hook, I received the only standing ovation of the night. I had a huge grin and a raised self esteem for much of the trip.
What made it better was when one of my classmates decided to jump on stage while people were cheering. He was looking for attention and challenged me to a rap battle, which I accepted. I ripped him apart and kicked him off the stage.
Man, oh man, was that fun. Now I'm on the search for recording devices.
Setari ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:21:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let Reddit hear you. Maybe you'll get a few paid gigs if you're good enough.
freshkicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One day, /r/futurebeats
ChokingOnUgly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:00:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's awesome! I'm sure it felt great to get up there and kill it :) Where are you located? I'm in Ohio, but I can write a song for you (for free) if you want something to start with! Just let me know the kind of music you're looking for, and maybe a couple examples of the feel you're into, and I'll see what I can do :)
freshkicks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:18:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Vancouver, Canada. I like newer hip hop rhyme styles when I write, multiple rhymes in some bars. I do prefer emotionally charged lines, where i can express feeling. Also singing, I can sing... People said that was their favourite part
ChokingOnUgly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:44:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's rad! I like writing music that gives space to relay that emotion, especially thru hip-hop. And you can sing!? even better!
message me like.. 3 examples of songs that inspire you and your style, tell me what you like about each one (the drums, verse/chorus/bridge whatever layout, etc.) and I will write something for you within the next couple days and send it over :)
freshkicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet! Thank you, I'll msg you after work
Not_Really_Jon_Snow ยท 289 points ยท Posted at 01:57:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me, my brother in law and my best friend were working in Mississippi after Hurricane Isaac. We worked the 7am-7pm shift right after the hurricane hit and everything was pretty fucked up, cash only for food etc. so one night we stop at a bank on the way back to the hotel to grab some cash for lunch and shit for the rest of the week and as we're about to leave we hear a loud crunch. I being in the back of the car turn and see a car backing up from one car and then proceeds to hit the next 4-5 cars parked on the street, turn down an ally and crash into a parking structure. My buddy and Brother in Law are ex military and prone to reacting under pressure while I'm pretty much standing there with my dick in my hand and my B.I.L follows the car down the ally where it ended up crashing while my buddy flagged the cops down. Shit was crazy.
[deleted] ยท 188 points ยท Posted at 03:43:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its crazy how people react in situations.
The power went out where I live (due to a really bad storm), for a few days and people went insane. Robbing stores, causing accidents, etc. People seriously stole ice. Fucking ice. You know that shit will melt when you don't have a working freezer, right?
I made a half thawed out frozen pizza on the grill during that time. It was actually pretty good, for anyone who ever needs to eat when the power is out.
[deleted] ยท 148 points ยท Posted at 04:03:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They were stealing it to keep their perishable foods cold. I feel your pain though. We were in Houston before Hurricane Ike and as we walk inside for about a minute tops, two dudes snatch our gas and generator and take off running full speed. This is a 200lb generator so I have no idea how they ran so quickly. Anyways, Ike didn't turn out to be as bad as expected so it's all good.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:24:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That really sucks, about your generator.
I just remember people stealing ice from a gas station that was still open, somehow. It really sucked for the owner, knowing it was lost business either way. He actually gave me a bag for being nice to him and not trying to raid his shit.
I did't use it for perishables though. I used it to cool myself. It was hot, and I was pregnant.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:24:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
LovesChristmas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the only time I've ever heard anyone on Reddit talk about areas that I live in/know about.
thompson45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was actually kind of disappointed with Ike. I slept through almost all of it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
steaming ice in an ice storm.... darn city dwellers. In my house when winter hits the fridge turns off and we have a garage full of food.
kaluce ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:45:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
couple of tips I picked up when my power was out for 2 weeks with hurricane sandy 2 years ago.
if you know you're going to lose power, or have a distinct possiblity ahead of time, turn your icemaker in your freezer (if so equipped) on full blast and just start making ice cubes like you were going to have a party. it'll keep it colder longer.
once you lose power, eat the things in the refrigerator first. but be quick in there, if you got enough ice, move some in there to help keep things cooler. if you think you're gonna be down a week? move some frozen food into it to help keep the fridge cooler, plus then you have a source of food later on.
those clamp style campfire grilled cheese makers you can get at Target? those motherfuckers make amazing fucking burgers. put some onion, some cheese, and meat in that motherfucker. slam that shit on a bun. rub nipples while eating. you're fucking welcome.
Buy a kerosene heater if you live in colder areas. no really, do it when you can. those heaters if placed in the center of your house, can keep your shit warm enough so you don't die. if you put it where your pipes are, it'll keep them from freezing.
camping stoves are the best invention on the face of the fucking planet when your power is out. boil water, cook shit, that thing does it all. Having a 10,000 pack of ramen won't help if you can't heat water. Some can be toxic to use indoors. read the label prior to use.
If you don't have a generator, buy a battery backup unit. they're called uninterruptible power supplies. don't cheap out. keep the thing plugged in at all times, but don't plug anything into it. When the power dies, plug a small lamp, about 45 watts. It'll give you light. The UPS can also charge phones, and if the battery is kept topped up, you could have enough phone power to last you at least a few days.
buy a fucking generator. like, do it next week. and get that shit installed. You can get a "portable" one for about $1k USD that would be able to power most of your house. Or get a standby for $2k and just throw a switch and have it start up. Also, get that shit bolted down. people steal generators.
rekenner ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:46:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You can keep your fridge working like a fridge for a long time with ice.
If you're ever in a situation where you expect to lose power for a long time and can prepare for it, freeze gallons or two liter bottles of water.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! I'll keep that in mind if it should happen again, which I hope it doesn't.
Showering in the dark didn't suffice with me.
xXPecuniamXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or just lock your fridge. Is it weird that my fridge locks?
Retarded_Artist ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:56:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Things could have gone worse if it lasted for a long time. Ice Ice baby.
marcx1984 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:46:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reminded me of one of the London rioters posting a picture with the bag of rice he had looted
stormkeeper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stealing ice in a snowstorm....instead of opening the front door and filling a cooler with snow...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Toronto? I left for Cancun the day of that storm, doged a bullet
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
No. This was about five years ago. I live near Cincinnati. It was a really bad wind storm. People went crazy. The power companies had sent a lot of their workers to help out with a hurricane (I think) in a different part of the US, so it took a while to get the power back on here.
JJNaisbitt ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:06:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dicks...
In our hands....
Dragonai ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:30:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha just watched this movie yesterday. Really enjoyed it.
DAsSNipez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...Dicks...
In our hands....
Nickk_Jones ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:52:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DICKS. In our hands...
Not_Really_Jon_Snow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:02:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lets make dildos
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:15:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So if you're not Jon Snow... do you... know stuff?
Mwg9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jon Snow is that you?
pjt37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Setting is too specific for your to be Jon Snow. Story checks out.
Opset ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You guys all shit for an entire week? That's a serious medical condition.
An_appropriate_user ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:24:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So you could say you knew nothing of how to react not really John snow
Sennheiser9000 ยท 243 points ยท Posted at 02:30:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Story time. I was on a service trip in Browning, Montana with a group seeking to provide tutoring to children on the nearby reservation. Picture beautiful landscapes with small, rundown houses clustered in the center of the town.
My group was staying with a community of Christian brothers. We slept in a guest bunkroom and they in the house. The first night, they invited us to dinner in their house. I had been on a train for the past two days, and I refused to use the dirty, cramped train bathrooms. Unfortunately, my intestines were rumbling with seismic force, and I knew a shit was imminent.
Seeing an opportunity, I decided to excuse myself from dinner and use the bathroom in the house. It was pleasant when I entered, but it would not be for long.
Shortly after relieving myself, I flushed. And then panic struck-- the dreaded gurgle of a clogged toilet became louder and louder. Thinking quickly, I lifted up the bobber in the tank, but now I had a dilemma. Should I tell the Christian brothers I had clogged their toilet, in front of the whole service group? No, that would be supremely embarrassing. So I used the toilet brush to scoop out the wads of toilet paper and excrement into the small trashcan nearby and covered it with a few layers of dry paper. I pretended like nothing bad happened, rejoining the group a few minutes later.
I can only picture their faces upon discovering the mess in the trashcan. I wonder if they saw or smelled it first. I never went back into the house again, avoiding the Brothers like the plague for the next couple days. Brothers Ray, Dale, and Michael-- I am truly sorry.
tl;dr left a basket full of shit in a house for Christian Brothers
juppee ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:33:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend who was drinking in some small restobar. After a few beers and quite possibly buzzed already, he felt the need to shit and proceeded to do so. Then just after he finishes he realizes the flush aint working and at that same moment someone started knocking on the door. This was a shared male/female small restroom by the way. Panicked that he was going to leave his shit there for the next person to see, he picked up his own shit with his bare hands and scooped it out the toilet into the trash can.
Sennheiser9000 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:45:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Talk about being dealt a shitty hand
rusty-dangle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
jesus...christ...have.mercy that is hilarious
LovesChristmas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:59:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This happened in Browning? That makes sense.
cablexity ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:01:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As a live sound technician, I love your username.
valiumandbeer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:58:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you gotta learn my life hack on this: if you ever clog a toilet at somebodies house, immediately go to the last person you saw use the bathroom, blame them really loud and explain how you spent the last (amount of time it took you to poop) trying to fix their mess. works every time.
Fitty_G ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:44:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know you could've just used a plunger
Sennheiser9000 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:49:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's something I forgot to mention-- I couldn't see one anywhere nearby! And asking for a plunger would have blown my cover.
shanghaidumpling ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:50:10 on May 16, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The tragedy of poo shame.
blackhole612 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:22:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just curious, was it the De La Salle school you were helping at?
Sennheiser9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's correct!
blackhole612 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:09:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cool! I went there for a week last October on the same type of service trip, it was an incredible experience
Wiinsomniacs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:49:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You were submitted to /r/bestofTLDR
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tip. If water still passes trough. Take a bucket fill it with hot water and trow the water in the toilet. After a few time it should not be clogged anymore. (except one time when I had to take a shit and that motherfucker would not go away. 10 buckets of hot water. Half a bucket of boiling water and acid before I finally won the battle)
dcsportshero ยท 1139 points ยท Posted at 04:16:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush on a girl I worked with, who at the time lived with her BF of 6 years. Her and I were at a work party one night, and the topic of tattoos came up. I have 7 tattoos, all hidden if I wear shorts and a t-shirt (most are on my ribs, back, etc). So this girl who I had a crush on wants to hear more about my tattoos. I proceed to explain all of them that I have, then tell her that as a bet in college, I got a tattoo on my dick.
She is intrigued, asks me what the tattoo is of. I play it off, like o it's nothing but now she is more intrigued and continues to press me. I told her that because I lost the bet, my roommates got to pick 10 words out of the dictionary and I had those 10 words tattooed on my dick (made this up on the spot, I do not have a dick tattoo to be clear). She looks a little horrified, so I quickly say "So maybe later tonight we can go upstairs and I can put some words in your mouth". She was now completely mortified, stammers that she has a boyfriend, and the conversation ends awkwardly. Two weeks later she broke up with him, and now four years later her and I are married. So I guess my attempt eventually worked.
TL;DR: Made a girl think I had a dick tattoo, wound up marrying her.
Jadis4742 ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 05:21:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How did she react when she discovered there was no dick tattoo(s)?
Ass-assin ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 06:53:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Probably made him get a dick tattoo.
dcsportshero ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:10:01 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
More relieved than anything. We are now expecting our first child, so things worked out pretty well.
Jadis4742 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's fantastic! Congratulations!
TheGuyWhoDoesThings ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 06:06:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP plz respond..
OzrilOgre ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 07:06:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well OP could only fit 4 letters..
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:56:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stop being too generous
IShatYourPantsSorry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:31:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Impressive
mrkipling ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 10:07:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just... stop it with the "op pls" crap. Ugh.
lewis_geo ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:13:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: chops his dick off so she doesn't find out
ChrisCGray ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:17:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or perhaps the light's always off?
Only until they're married, then it wouldn't matter.
OrderChaos ยท 109 points ยท Posted at 05:09:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You must be either very attractive it the rest if that conversation was way smoother than that because there's no way in Hell that line actually works on a woman.
Aruals ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 05:58:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I too was far more horrified by that pick up line than the thought of him ever having a tattoo on his penis.
xXD347HXx ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 06:39:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I don't think this actually happened.
kronikwankr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:18:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. If that was me I'd be on the sex offender registry in 6 different states.
Rhinexheart ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:51:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dead_Moss ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 11:02:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Skullcrusher ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:35:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=161002381
Social competence is irrelevant if you are hot.
noniplod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooh, I beg to differ. Hot people can get creepy so fast it's actually scary.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude that's tinder. If the girl finds you attractive you could say nothing but come over and get laid. That isn't a regular social situation
Dead_Moss ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:23:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure your fedora suits you well.
Those screenshots say nothing, most of the girls clearly realised he was just being silly. Also casual flirting =/=.
Confidence, empathy and a sense of humour will always be more important than looks alone
Skullcrusher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For a long term relationship yeah, but if it's just sex, all you need is to be attractive.
Dead_Moss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:32:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Still not quite true. And the OP wasn't about sex, but marriage.
Perhaps you wouldn't have a hard time if you didn't just seek sex
lord_james ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:13:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
idontbelieveyou.gif
Rtwk ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 07:49:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually pretty scummy, hitting on a girl with a boyfriend in an inappropriate manner like that...also having a hard time believing that would end up getting you married
shamoni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Word. No follow up replies, and she was horrified by dick tattoo, he just came up with blowjob? Wouldn't you try to get her a bit comfortable instead?
MomoeKita ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:27:24 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I hate people like this.
Aseldo ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 06:41:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/thathappened
Setari ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:46:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can't say I commend the story, for breaking up a 6 year relationship, but I gotta say that's inventful.
FuckFacedShitStain ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:34:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Inventive*
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
FuckFacedShitStain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They're synonyms
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
FuckFacedShitStain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:47 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
inventful isn't a word.
hang_jin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:04:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well that was unexpected.
CocoaDynoBites ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:24:57 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So you told her you had a dicktionary?
Cheifer176 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dat TL;DR
Dropboy6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's the type of shit you think of when you're in the shower the next morning.
posij ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Her BF was 6 years old? :\
Eggsizedballs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
slow clap
iamtheowlman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"I've found the keys to paradise, but I've got too many legs!"
Chazzmichaelmichael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
R//thathappened
Zekeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Comment overwritten by user.
MyNonpornOculusAccnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that she admitted she had a boyfriend and didn't cheat on him is definitely a sign that she's wife material. Good job man.
Rap15t ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now your married I bet she's pissed off because you lied and shit.
dijitalia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol what a creepy pickup line... Haha congrats on marrying her though.
GeorgeStark520 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What did she said when she saw that your dick was tatooless?
recovering_poopstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How I met your mother
AryaBadassStark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The true story of Jim and Pam
elshroom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet
Wiinsomniacs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You were submitted to /r/bestofTLDR
SamDunkDaFunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is romance
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant!
locknloadchode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How to: win at life
geezee69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:32 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude that was so smooth
marcx1984 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:05:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude that is awesome
cynthiadangus ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:35:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
SHE AND I. Not her and I. Fuck's sake.
whatsaD4 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:20:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's more than ten words.
MuiLaV ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:06:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
how did you explain that you didn't actually have your cock tattooed? unless it is... then that would make a great continuation of the story.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:51:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
morphedlava ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:07:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was a cool story n.n
Bonkeryonker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for the rant-y tone, it's late and I typed this on my phone
AwolRJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for my ignorance, but if her mother died giving birth how was she downstairs with your brother?
Bonkeryonker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She was adopted I believe
GroinBaggage ยท 617 points ยท Posted at 03:19:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love getting the chance to post this story
My name is Dan, and this is the story of Gigantoshitecus. I took a HUGE stinking shit at the summer camp I had just started attending, and I was like 13 so I thought that I'd brag to all the guys about it. I named it Gigantoshitecus, and that name didn't even do justice to my fecal child. It was easily 13 inches long and was a little less thick than an Arizona Iced Tea can. To somebody who was 13, this was like a blessing from god. Imagine how cool my bunk mates would think I was when I showed them the shit to end all shits.
I was ecstatic. I rolled on the ground to the stall next to me, while my pants weren't on and I had a dirty ass, I didn't want the TP to cover up my magnificent baby after all. So I shimmy into the other stall and start wiping. I wasn't really focused on anything but wiping and then gathering my friends for a show and tell, so the thought of locking the stall I was currently in slipped my mind.
So i had no pants on, I was giggling because I was so excited, and I was wiping my ass in an unlocked stall. Not the best situation to be in. Luckily I finished my wipe and decided to slide back under stall walls to the original holy land.
I bear crawled about half way into the other stall when I heard the door that takes you into the bathroom open. I was dead still because I didn't want anyone to get suspicious and start snooping around. I watched with bated breath as the pair of size 11 boots made their way across the floor towards the stalls. I recognized those work boots, they belonged to a big dumb farm boy named Nash. Nash was really big, really dumb, and really didn't like me.
It felt like an eternity as he did his big dumb shuffle across the line of stalls. He finally was out of my vision and all I could do was pray. His footsteps stopped somewhere near the stall I was half out of, and I hear the creaking of a stall door. Nash had gone into the stall next to the one I was climbing out of. Nash took a shit that I'm sure rivaled mine, seeing as half the food budget at camp was labeled "for Nash". I was starting to get really uncomfortable laying on the ground so I decided I could risk slowly crawling back into Gigantoshitecus' holding pen.
I started my methodical slither when the bathroom door opened again. "Hey Nash, you in here" asked a camper named Tim. Tim was Nash's friend and him and I met before.
"Yeah" Nash replied "I'm in the handicap stall at the end" I was praying Tim wasn't going to take up the stall closest to Nash, because that was the one with my white ass sticking up in it.
Then Nash said something that made my heart drop like the shit I had just pinched out.
"I wouldn't take the stall next to me though, Dan is bare ass naked and on the floor in there."
Nash knew, he must have either opened my door and saw my booty, or looked underneath his stall and saw my gooch. I was dumbfounded and felt like a total idiot. I started wiggling my way back when Tim came over and opened the stall door.
I got most of my ass on the other side of the stall wall, but Tim saw enough. Tim immediately went out to tell everybody about how I was dragging my dick on the tiles with no pants on, and by the time I got dressed, a dozen older campers were trying to come in and see what was up.
The head councilor Bryan also came in to investigate, and he was waiting outside my stall as I opened it. I didn't bother to flush down my loaf, because I still wanted to salvage as much of this as I could. That backfired almost immediately, because as soon as Bryan was finished looking at me, his eyes wandered to my tennis ball tube shit. The only word that gives his reaction any justice is flabbergasted. After getting his bearing, he told me to flush my shit, wash up, and meet him at the camp main office. That sounds doable, right?
Wrong.
Gigantoshitecus lived up to his name, and as the father of all other shits, a mere camp toilet bowl wouldn't bring him down. I flushed and flushed and flushed but all the turd did was spin around like it was an Olympic ice skater. While this was happening Bryan was shooting dagger with his eyes, and the rest of the campers who could see were either laughing at me or in awe of my shit.
Eventually Bryan handed me a pair of medical gloves from the supply cabinet and simply said "Pick it up" I was hesitant, but I really didn't see any other option. The shit was pretty solid, and I cradled it like a child as Bryan led me to the supply shed. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Some of the guys thought it was hysterical, but almost everybody else, including the girl campers, were absolutely disgusted. Bryan got a shovel and dug a little hole about 10 yards deep into the woods next to the supply shed. He told be to bury it, and with motherly care, I placed Gigantoshitecus in his shallow grave.
"Wash up, I expect you to be at the office ASAP" Bryan told me. All activity at the camp has stopped at the point, and a solid 150 campers/councilors were just staring at me. I was ashamed, and made my way back to the bathroom with my shit covered gloves and the reddest face imaginable. I threw out the gloves, washed my hands, and choked back tears. I felt like an idiot. I walked with my head down to the main office, where Bryan chewed me out for a solid 15 minutes and told me how stupid I was for thinking it was a good idea to slug my way between stalls with no clothes on. Apparently Tim had told EVERYBODY he could find about my pantsless adventure, and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. My bunk mates thought that was the highlight of the camp year, but all the girls and older campers thought I was a huge moron.
I went through the rest of that year having to deal with ridicule and disgusted looks at every turn. I'll never forget my asshole's pain, but i'll never forget the monster that blessed my life either. This was the highlight of my life so far, and I will always remember Gigantoshitecus fondly.
polkyman1 ยท 437 points ยท Posted at 04:21:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck did i just read
Deson ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 07:03:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A giant turd of a story involving failed stealth attempts, insufficient plumbing and how a tree received a massive addition of fertilizer.
AwolRJ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:27:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol it grew to be a Giant Brownwood!
davethepumper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:52:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This should be his TL; DR
JigglypuffPC ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:23:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You just read /u/GroinBaggage's story of his giant poop.
he-said-youd-call ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:43:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A pretty shitty story.
Just kidding, not bad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A shitty excuse for a story.
jun2san ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A masterpiece
A_Cold_Canadian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A story about Gicantoshitecus, duh
LT_DANS_ICECREAM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:52 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think we just witnessed reddit history here people.
akamoltres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The real question is why the fuck did you just read it
Walkth3dog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:35:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
An abused child's life story
Honeychile6841 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:29:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You read that dumb ass shit. Lame.
polkyman1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:42:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You must be real fun at parties.
madnessman ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:54:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hi there twin. My name is also Dan and I too have a story about my own Gigantoshitecus. It's no where as extreme as your story though.
I was in either 6th or 7th grade on a school trip when I birthed the most monstrous shit of my life. We were staying at an older hotel in the wilderness and the plumbing there could not handle the magnitude of my shit. Truly songs and tales fall utterly short of its enormity. I was sharing a room and a bathroom with 4 classmates and a teacher. The teacher must have heard me flushing the toilet hundreds of times in an attempt to flush my enormous shit away so he came in to 'help'.
It didn't matter. Everything we tried failed and my shit just stubbornly sat in the toilet bowl. In the end, he found a plastic bag for me and told me to just wear it over my hand and crush the shit myself. It is probably the weirdest and most disgusting thing I've had to do in my entire life. My roommates didn't really say anything about it but I know they were judging me so hard.
somebrero ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:43:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If only you had the poop scissors
DeaconNuno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is more relevant than any comment has ever been.
Nickk_Jones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the fourth time since Poop Scissors that I've thought this exact thought ahaha!
marcx1984 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:55:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A touching story
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:25:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome story, thank you for sharing. I once took a giant shit, called it the babies arm, and showed it proudly to the woman who is now my wife. That you had to carry the turd from the toilet made me laugh out loud reading this. You are my hero.
Lunnes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:26:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RIP in peace Gigantoshitecus.. at least you got the chance to bury him
StopSayingRIPInPeace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stop it.
Lunnes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No you stop it
Bananaman420kush ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:02:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Meh. My brother and I were junior counselor at a snowboard camp in Nevada. My brother goes to the bathroom to take a shit and the bathroom is adjacent to the mess hall. My brother has constipation and dosent shit for weeks at a time. Well as we are all eating in the freezing room very quietly. We all hear this loud scream from the bathroom. My friend, a counselor, and I all run to the bathroom, and as I walk in the worst smell ever pierces my nose. I go to his stall and he opens it. With his pants pulled up and toilet paper in the trash can he points to the toilet and LO and behold the GOD of all shits lays in its nest. At least a foot long and shaped like a football, the widest diameter was about 2 1/2-3 inches. Turns out he ripped his asshole. Fucking idiot.
N1ckD4ng3r ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:02:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That shit just made me cry from laughing so hard. Thanks for sharing. I needed that.
Worrywartwally ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:58:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You realize 10 yards is 30 feet right?
meeseekslookatme ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:35:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RIP Gigantoshitecus
CallMeYourGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the greatest story I've ever read. I was struggling for air a few times...
+1 good sir
ihaveapentax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think you just won this thread.
joey_vasquez_lives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh Camp Anawanna.
The_Magic_Toaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
Segat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Magnificent. A+
LimehouseBlues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit.
horses_in_the_sky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That just kept getting funnier and funnier. I was in tears, i'm so sorry that happened ahahah
Corenonthecob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gigantoshitecus. I fucking love that name haha I'm sorry, but that story was one of the funniest things I've EVER read.
IFinishThings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:56:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha holy shit this is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time
Hayman68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Guess what you've been tagged as.
IAmACoolFella ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Has to be the most I've laughed whilst reading a story!
RiKSh4w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Paging /u/Museum_of_Reddit
UkuleleBaller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:26:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And yet, he wasn't the one nicknaming his shits while playing splinter cell in a public washroom.
hmmm
JeshusCrist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:34:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How many couric's was it?
DeaconNuno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should write comedy. But first, you'll have to do more embare-ass-ing stuff to write about.
Pinteshwar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:52:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I now have you tagged as Gigantoshitecus.
Nickk_Jones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hell yeah! All Hail Giganto!
Jasondazombie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wat
xlarukux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit
semi-bro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why the fuck did you not just walk?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There has always been a weird kid like this at every point in my life.
DBZLogic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No offense. You are a huge moron...
Approvingcanadian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was fucking awesome.
Merkinempire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They made you commit poo baby infanticide
Studemire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
someone upvote this man
Apatheticunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
10/10 would read again. This was fucking beautiful.
AwolRJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Best story ever! I once shitted in a camper on side of the road when I was a kid. It was huge and there was no water, still get questioned to this day how someone can shit 1 turd so big lol.
Jish00742 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bryan sounds like a dick
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagged: Gigantoshitecus
Dsiee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A 10 yard deep grave is hardly shallow!
JackReaperz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit and it's scat fetish.
Seriously, fuck this crap.
GroinBaggage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Contemporarium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.. Get a heroin habit. Your shit sounds like a little bitch compared to some that have come out of my asshole
Bazrum ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:21:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was gigantoshitecus the name you gave it then or the name you gave it thinking back? Because most 13 yrlds I've encountered would never have come up with that. Hell most of em don't know what gigantopithecus was or what a portmanteau is.
Octaves ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:47:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your area's 13 year olds are probably behind.
Bazrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah they just don't give a shit. Most of them have rich, influential parents so they think school is a game or a joke.
i_am_clArk ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 05:16:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
i had just started my job out of school in 1997 and drove in from the suburbs. would sometimes get mcdonalds, and about 3 weeks into my job i got some mcdonalds and went to work. about halfway up my huge parking garage i got an uneasy / diarrhea feeling. by the time i parked on the 12th floor i couldn't hold it in anymore. tried walking to the elevator but went back to my car and lost it. got in my car and looked for something to poo in. tried spraying my poo into a small breakfast mcdonalds bag. ended up getting a lot on my shirt, pants, car seat. the breakfast bag is ridiculously narrow. anyway, changed my shirt (at the mcdonalds across the street) and sucked it up and went to work. awful day but got through it. hints of a poo smell everywhere but acceptable. about 2 weeks later was having dinner with my family and mentioned the story to them. everyone got a good laugh. story over, i thought.
soon after i get a call at work saying it is security and they want to talk to me asap. apparently they have "very disturbing' video of me defecating in the parking garage. i violated defecating policy 9er34something. tell me i am a 'sick individual' and that they want to talk to me and my boss to discuss legal issues. hung up the phone and almost killed myself. got a call back within 5-10 minutes with my dad and others laughing since they were just fucking with me. i still owe him one.
that's my story.
tl;dr don't shit in parking garages.
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god that would scare the fucking shit out of me. My friend has done this to me before, impersonating my work.
And... vice-versa. Thought it was my friend calling me but it was actually my work.
wertexx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
haha, this made me laugh out loud in office! NSFW! really made my Monday morning, have an upvote!
[deleted] ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 10:03:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
professor_dog ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 10:21:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was expecting you to have some great Down fall towards the end and learn some difficult life lesson, but no. You were the King until the end.
Fongss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's the one thing I was almost 100% good at. I'll take it.
Blackrose_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:23:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was brilliant.
furno5943 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:11:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I could give you gold.
Mystrangy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And they called him... Lord of Bones.
Bags33 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 08:10:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's not my story, rather my Grandfather's. He is a literally dying to tell this story at the age of 90. He was a US Navy sailor on the USS Indianapolis during the end of the WWII, which wouldn't have happened if it weren't for him and his fellow crewmen.
At midnight on July 30th, 1945, theย unescorted heavyย cruiser was on a secret mission to deliver the atomic bomb to the Island of Tinian. After the "Little Boy" delivery the Indy had come upon the sights of Commander Hoshimoto's I-58 Japanese Submarine. Hoshimoto fired 6 torpedoes at the Indianapolis that withheld 1,196 US crewman aboard. My grandfather was one of these men at the age of 20. A few minutes after Midnight on a hot summer night in the Philippine Sea the Indianapolis was struck by two of the six torpedoes shot by Hoshimoto. Captain McVay of the Indianapolis ordered to abandon ship as the front of the bow was taking in water fast, along with the heavy artillery room have been blown up from the second torpedo everything was chaos! 12 minutes passed and the ship was completely sunk. Of the 1,196 about 900 made it into the dark shark infested water.
I won't go too far into their stories while in the water for the sake of my time,fingers, and your free reading time at this hour, but for four days and five nights this large pack of 900 men, floating and treading water in the Philippine sea became 317 survivors of the countless shark attacks and the blaring sun on their oil soaked burnt skin from the night of the ship exploding from multiple torpedoes.
on August 2nd Lt. Chuck Gwinn, pilot of the PV-1 Ventura discovered a large oil slick while on a routine patrol flight. As Gwinn got closer he discovered a group of men floating helplessly in the water. If it weren't for Gwinn to see these men I would not be here today along with many other redditors. My grandfather is still alive today to tell his experiences during those days in the water and is living humbly in Wisconsin now. If this gets enough interest perhaps I could have him do an AMA. *Note- I am writing this very late and apologize for poor grammar.
wertexx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:23:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds very interesting! I really wish to hear the story how was it spending those 4days 5night in the open ocean. This got buried too deep in comments :(
OHiashleyy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:42:06 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd also love to hear the story! You should make a post!
farmerboy1228 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:36:42 on May 15, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was going to turn into a Quinn/ Jaws reference... out of curiosity has your grandfather heard Quinn's description of sharks and is it at all accurate?
Bags33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:18 on May 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For the most part yes his description was accurate, in fact I'd say based on my grandfather and his fellow survivors' stories the story shared in Jaws was just the tip of the ice-burg. There is so much more to their survival stories than just the shark attacks and Quint's stories in Jaws doesn't suffice what they truly went through. All of the hallucinations men battled due to drinking of salt water and the burns on their oil soaked skin/eyes was only worsened by the scorching sun being reflected everywhere by the water. Here is a video I put together on some of their stories. Enjoy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_O2bhCuOLU
ghostphantom ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 05:26:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a headlight out for a week and I was at a friend's house who lives 10/15 miles away and I drive home that night praying to any and all higher powers that I don't get pulled over for having a headlight out. I'm about a mile from home when a cop car that raced up behind me gets right next to me and hits the brakes and gets back behind me. The blue lights come on and I pull over. I can see the entrance to my neighborhood as I get my license and registration ready. The cop is right next to me and the conversation went like this:
Cop: "D'you know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "Was I speeding, officer?"
Cop: "No you were going just fine, but your front passenger headlight is out."
Me: "It is? Oh, thank you officer." hands the cop my license and registration
Cop: "Oh, thanks." goes back to his car and comes back "You know you're going to have to get that replaced..."
Me: "Oh, yes definitely. I'll get that done tomorrow!"
Cop: "What were you uh... doing this evening?"
Me: "I'm just heading home at the moment, I was at a barbecue at a friend's house in Ashburn."
Cop: "Yeah, yeah. Now, do you have anything illegal in this car?"
Me: "Oh, no just me."
Cop: "Heh, and are YOU illegal?"
Me: "Well a body this good must be."
Cop: "Hehehee! That's the first time I've ever heard that one, now get out of here and get that fixed!"
I've never felt so alive.
Zoraver ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:04:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You sexy lady, you.
ghostphantom ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:40:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm a dude with a soft, shitty body. I think that's why the cop laughed so much.
shamoni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:31 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck outta here with your self pity. You're sexy and you know it.
[deleted] ยท 306 points ยท Posted at 03:31:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:34:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, you're not /u/_vargas_
SunMoonTruth ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:31:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You've been dying to tell this story? To people?
JigglypuffPC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:42:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ok
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:48:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's almost poetry
morinecare ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:55:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
10/10
Tarbasaurus_Rex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:46:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I took a shit whilst taking to a friend over XBL. only realised it when I flushed it.
Ass-assin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:59:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Coolest story on this thread.
dieoner ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:00:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You churned the butter is all!
Dropboy6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:01:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pardon?
zer0nix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:11:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's happened to me too.
Now we're earwax cum brothers! :D
brownbubbi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Winner of this thread
woadles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ew
masgrada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To the top!
Crimson2126 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's how it's supposed to work.
masheduppotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:54 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Something similar happened to me. I watched a movie so hard in a theater once that a ball of wax just tumbled right out...
f41lurizer ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:20:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I looked to see if you were vargas
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:32:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I gagged
Jellydontshake ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 09:18:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Chips, I'm pretty late to the party here, but this is a story that must be told.
Earlier this year, I backpacked through South East Asia, specifically Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand and Myanmar. WELL. About my second or third week in, I found myself in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Now what you may or may not know about Cambodia, is that they have this special little delicacy known to the locals and all else as "Happy Pizza." Yep. You guessed it. This pizza is absolutely loaded with copious bits of, as the Cambodians call it, "Ganjaaaaa." My tuk tuk driver arrives at my hotel at around noon and I decide that I'm a wee bit peckish. He takes me to some little dingy restaurant and I nab a paper menu, hoping against all hope that it will have Happy Pizza on it. Oh boy. It does.
The sweet waitress comes on over and asks what I would like. A grand smile stretches across my face as I point to the Happy Pizza and ask specifically for extra happy. As much Happy as you can shove in a pizza, and lemme tell ya, you can fit a whole hell of a lotta happy in a pizza in Cambodia. Its ridonk. Fast forwards a bit, I have finished the happiest of pizzas and thinking its a scam. I dont feel a thing. I'm about to call shenanigans on this whole Cambodia place when I feel a little... off. Its a familiar sensation. The best of sensations. It is at this time that my tuk tuk driver asks me what Id like to do/see today. "Hey! my frien, my frien! You wan shoot gun? Yes? or you want lady make boom boom? Gun? Boom boom?" All I can say is "yeeee." Now, not really keen on going spelunking into the depths of a Cambodian prostitute, I quickly splutter "GUN! I want shoot gun." My driver, kind of a creepish individual, just gives me a smile that Im pretty sure should have broken his face. It was one of those kinda highs.
So we head on out of the city and around where the Killing Fields are. We stop in what looks like a little army outpost thingy. Its killer. Its crazy. Surreal. I don't entirely know whats happening. Im just smiling like an idiot and looking around at everything, wide eyed and with a sense of wonder. Its awesome. I think I'm rolling at around an [8] here. So the guys in ragged uniforms come out holding a menu of sorts. There are all types of guns and prices on there. I can barely read this as its all letters and numbers that I have no idea about. Except for the last one on the page. "Bazooka." Aw man aw man aw man this is whats happening right here. I point at the little word scrawled upon the page and the man tells me the price. I slap down the money on the table, feeling like an Italian gangster. Why did I feel like an Italian Gangster? I got no clue. It seemed appropriate. It is at that point that the man running the stand says to me, he says: "Hey! Extra 50 dolla you boom cow." I'm a little confused, but very high, so I agree. If only I had known what I was getting into. The man brings out this ridiculous bazooka from a supply closet filled with innumerable killing tools, and we hop on a little motorized cart that takes us out a ways into a field. There are cows in this field. And I have a bazooka. The pieces are fitting together at this point. "Oh God what am I doing what am I DOING." I think to myself. But then I quickly forget about what Im thinking and realize that I'm awesome, which is a pretty rare realization in my line of living. Finally, we reach a little spot in the open and they tell me that I get two shots. There is a sickly looking cow just chilling down a ways a way. I load the bazooka up onto my shoulder, and promptly fall over. Everyone is laughing at me. Aw jeez its like high school all over again. Me falling, everyone laughing. I try to act cool about it all, but probably only succeeded in looking mentally ill. The guys help me stand back up and squeeze the trigger, aiming at pretty much nothing. HOLY FUCK. I fall over again. Something goes boom. Im like awshitawshitawshit they're gonna straight up murder me I blew up Cambodia. Now, of course I didn't actually blow up Cambodia. Just a bit of field quite a ways a way from me. The cow looks up at the boom, and then promptly goes back to grazing. Poor guy. He never even suspected his fate... dumbass.
Now the guys load up the second shot for me. Aw gosh. Whats gonna happen. They lift it up to my shoulder. Oh golly aw jeez. Help me aim at the cow. HEAVY BREATHING okay okay okay this is fiiiiiiine I'll probably just miss. I close my eyes and squeeze the trigger. Immediately I open my eyes and watch the shot soaring directly towards this cow and then... no more cow. Well, there is still some cow. Its just all over the place. Its nasty. I start to laugh hysterically and then throw up a little bit. The guys all around me are laughing at me again. I get back onto the motorized buggy thing and return the metal death tube to where it belongs, in the hands of people willing to rent it out to high travelers. Awesome.
So I get back on the road with my tuk tuk driver and I tell him that I'm hungry again, seeing as I have now blown up a cow and its been a few hours since I had my mind altering pizza of mystery. He stops at a little cafe looking restaurant on the outskirts of town. There is farm land all around. Now, for reasons unknown, I decided to see if this place also sold happy pizza. I still feel terrible and am having a crazy existential crisis about motherfucking blowing up a cow, so I need something to drown out all the recent memories. And whaddaya know. This little cafe also has the Happy Pizza. Again I ask for extra happy. If only my Father had been there to tell me "Ya make poor choices, son" and make me feel bad about everything I've ever done in my life. I consume my Happy Pizza and feel lit almost immediately. Just then... As I gaze off into some field, I see a lone yak. This guy... Well... I dunno. Something about him got to me. I walk over to him, as if in a trance. He looks up from the whatever hes munching on. He sees me approach, but does not move. i look into his eyes. He knows what Ive done. Hes seen my soul. And he forgave me. Right then and there. A single yak tear must have rolled down his yak face. That was it. I was crying. I wrapped my arms around that filthy yak and felt at one with nature. It was glorious. I was renewed.
Actually I was a high kid hugging a dirty yak, but its all the same.
TL;DR: I got real high in Cambodia from Happy Pizza, blew up a cow with a bazooka, got real sad about it, ate more Happy Pizza, and hugged a yak who knew me on a very personal level. I have been touched by the soul yak, ladies and gentlemen.
darkshine05 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:22:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Best story eve
MoneyShotoh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:14:43 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was great
eax ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:28:10 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Without a doubt one of the funniest things I have read on here in a long while.
Vagabond_Tew ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 07:54:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party...oh well.
I made a friend today! I just moved across the US a couple weeks ago so I know NO ONE in the area I'm currently residing in, and I have a bad social phobia problem which kinda hinders me in the friend department. I'm 24 and have had the same few friends for over a decade now, and leaving them behind was a real struggle for me. I don't make friends easily. Interracting can be quite hard, and trying to break the line from stranger to friend is even more difficult. Today, I nerded out over anime with a sweet server who ended up inviting me out to watch anime with her circle of friends. _^ I haven't made a new friend in a long time and today I did!! I feel stupid talking about it with my other friends, though. Saying "I made a friend" sounds rather pathetic after the 4th grade.
harper54 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:46:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good for you! Meeting new people is hard!
fishflavoursoap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:14:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's awesome :) I hope you have a lovely time :)
Lovliladi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:47:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not pathetic at all. Lol. Hope u had a great time!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:40:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ANIME FUCK YEAH
Vagabond_Tew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:37 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Right!? Best way to get to know someone!
reykaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:59:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's great! And no reason to feel pathetic or anything, talking to strangers/making new friends is hard for many people! :)
Camel_Holocaust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nah it's awesome. I wish I could make some friends. I have those weird friendships where I'm cool with people at work, but I'd never hang out with them outside. Plus no mtg/video game/warhammer/anime enthusiasts at work. Or even one of those things.
cowboyzfan27 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:33:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A friend if mine back in 7th grade starting getting really pissed at our English teacher, who was nice to the smartest kids but a bitch to those who weren't as academically talented.
Anyways, one day aforementioned teacher decides to yell at aforementioned friend and call him stupid for not understanding the lesson. She then precedes to leave the classroom to retrieve some papers from the copy room. What happened next I will never forget...
My friend decides to walk up to her desk where she always has her morning tea (my class was first period), then, in front of the entire class, take out his balls and submerge his entire scrotum into her tea cup. He kept them there for a good 10 seconds before putting his genitals away and nonchalantly walking back to his desk. Everyone was so astonished that no one said or did anything...everyone just sat there for the remainder of the class. When I say no one said anything, I mean NOBODY said a single word when my teacher walked back in the room...not even when she reached for her tea. We watched her obliviously drink all of it before the bell rang.
I later found out that an anonymous student stayed after class and told her what had happened. She was so mortified that she ran out of the school crying hysterically and never came back. Word got to the principal and my friend was suspended for 3 months. He couldn't have given fewer fucks. Every time I bring up the topic he just laughs and tells me he regrets nothing. Fucking love that kid.
TL;DR Friend literally teabagged teacher's tea.
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:24:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He is a legend among men. And schoolkids.
MoneyShotoh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:42:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds amazing
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 07:08:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! Alright, so a few years back my cat died and we had decided to bury it in the backyard. We had it wrapped up and put into a cardboard amazon box and my mom put it on the porch for a second while we finished digging the hole/prepping the ceremony. So a few minutes pass by, and guess what? The box was gone. Apparently some dude walked up to our porch and stole the box, expecting to make off with whatever expensive electronic amazon sent us. But instead of an ipad, he got the decaying carcass of our cat.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:23:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect.
Moses385 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 10:23:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I went on a date last night, I really like her.
Alo_Kalo ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 12:06:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was September 11, 2001. I was in 5th grade at that time, all I remember I was getting ready for school at 6 in the morning. My mom also would get ready first so she could catch her train. However that morning I decided to take a shower first.
So my mom is a neat freak, and I had happened to soak up the bathroom and the mats with water after my shower. So instead of showering and going to work, my mom decided to chase me around the house and yell at me for being so messy. After the fact she got ready for work and went in missing her normal train and had to take the train that comes in 30 minutes later.
So instead of being in the WTC2 on the 101st floor at 8:50. She got to the tower at 9:32, and literally as she walked in the plane crashed. The worst part, she didn't run for her life... SHE RAN TO DUANE READE BOUGHT A CAMERA AND THEN took like 50 photos and then ran for her life....
So I like to joke around that I saved her life by being messy haha. (I guess that's kinda a dark joke to tell but, she laughs at it.)
Ratava ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:37:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have those pictures ever been put online? I'm sure people would be very interested in a new angle.
Alo_Kalo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:34:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No she never posted them, but she still has them in a photo album. The next time I head home, I can totally take a photo of them and upload!!
Ratava ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please do! I think there would be immense interest. Cameras weren't as widespread (i.e. they weren't digital, or built into phones that everyone carried) so any new photos of such an extraordinary event deserve to be shared.
amandafunke ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 05:37:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My mom grew up in New Jersey in the 60's and 70's, and would tell my siblings and I a recurring story of the Asbury Park Carousel she would go on as a kid. This particular carousel was a Looff Carousel, handmade by Charles Looff--it allowed you to grab metal "rings" with each rotation, and you could try to make them into holes on the walls surrounding the carousel.
One particular part of the story that my mom would emphasize was the brass ring. In every ride, players had the opportunity to get the brass ring, a ring that my 7 year old mother had lusted after. The carousel-goer that pulled the brass ring won a prize, and bragging rights for getting the brass ring. Throughout my childhood and into adulthood, my mom would tell this story about the Asbury Park Carousel and how she had always wanted to get the brass ring as a child.
Fast forward to today, I'm a college student at UC Santa Cruz in California. The Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk also has a Looff Carousel, with the same ring game, and it is still in operation. I had ridden this carousel multiple times throughout my college days, however there was no longer a "brass ring" to be won.
One particular summer, the Santa Cruz Boardwalk was celebrating its 100th year anniversary. As a special celebration, from the summer season of May through September, the Looff Carousel at the Boardwalk would be rotating 100 brass rings--just like when it initially opened in 1911.
On a summer afternoon a friend and I decided to go to the Boardwalk. We stood in line for the carousel, and to pass the time I told her the brass ring story that my mom had told me. We got on the next ride and began grabbing rings to throw into the holes. Towards the end of the ride, I grab a ring and notice that it's shinier and a different color than the other rings. To my complete astonishment, I got the fucking brass ring.
After the ride, the operator of the carousel congratulated me and told me I could either keep the brass ring, or claim my prize. I kept the the ring, called my mom, and gave it to her the next time I saw her. She keeps it on her dresser.
TL;DR - I fulfilled my mom's childhood memories with a brass ring.
BeatnikThespian ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:27:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's beyond cool! We have one of those carousels in my town as well, thanks for reminding me that I still need to get a brass ring. Good job on being an awesome son/daughter.
ImRunningAmok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:22 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My mom talks about getting the brass ring when she was a young girl. I wish I could do the same for her that you did for your mom!
TheConeIsReturned ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 09:57:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I attended an archaeological field school in Tuscany, Italy, one summer. It was based near Siena, and lasted 5 weeks. During down time we could do pretty much anything we wanted, but weekends were usually the only time we had to go anywhere aside from Siena. One weekend some friends and I decided to go to Florence.
I had taken a liking to one girl in particular. Let's call her Katie. Katie had spent the previous summer in Florence and wanted to show everybody around and get sandwiches at her favorite bistro. We all took the train from Siena as a group, but split up when we got to Florence, with plans of meeting up at the huge piazza at lunch time. My group was going to see the statue of David, and hers did something else.
We went to the museum which housed David, got an English-speaking tour guide (worth the money, honestly), and had a great time. After we left the main chamber we were dumped into the gift shop. Here's where things got irritating. Two of the girls we were with insisted on spending time in the gift shop so that they could buy postcards. I looked at the time. It was five minuted until the time we agreed to meet up with Katie. I really wanted those sandwiches, and also wanted to hang out with Katie some more.
Five minutes go by. Ten minutes. Finally, we leave the museum and head back to the piazza, which is a twenty minute walk away. One of the girls, "Beth," had the only phone. She tried calling Katie, but got no answer. We got to the piazza to find nobody we knew. We waited five, ten, fifteen minutes. I was getting hangry (hunger-angry). The two lame girls decided that they'd rather peruse the shops. I agreed, as long as the phone was kept on hand in case Katie called to tell us where to meet everybody. No call.
We decided to check the Uffizi to see if they had gone there after lunch (they said they might). But first, Beth and her friend needed to buy leather trinkets in the market. My friend Alana and I were getting fed up with this nonsense at this point. I was getting particularly annoyed and Alana insisted that we buy gelato, in an effort to pacify me.
We finally arrived at the Uffizi, and recognized nobody. Last straw. Alana and I ditched those two lamos and decided to buy our own phones. Sidenote: I've never met anybody who could calm me down so quickly and effectively like Alana. She has a gift.
Anyway, we buy our phones and decide that we're weary of being hungry and tired, so we grab sandwiches and then found a cafรฉ, and got the absolute best cafรฉ lattes we'd ever had.
After this, we did a bit of city-roaming and chatting. We bought some shoes, climbed a bell tower, it was great. But that's only the first half of the story. The latter half, and most poignant part, involves Katie. Oh, Katie.
Alana and I finally ended up reaching Katie using our phones. She was hanging out with some of the Aussies from the dig in their hotel room. We managed to make out way up to the hotel and decided that we all fancied drinks before Katie, Alana, and I headed back to Siena. We all went to Katie's favorite bar across town and had a few drinks. Our train was due to leave the station at 8:20. At 7:50, we left the bar, buzzing from our beverages, and speed-walked to the train station.
We arrived there at 8:08 exactly. As we made our way to the terminals, looking up at the schedule, I found our train. It said Siena, binario 10, departs at 8:10. What??? I looked at the clock. 8:10. I look over at platform 10. There she goes...our ride to Siena. Gravely, I turned to Katie and Alana. "Our train just left. let's see if there's another one."
There was, allegedly, one leaving at around 9:30 that evening. "Great! we'll take that one!" We bought our tickets and found an Irish-themed bar that was as Irish you could get in Italy (which wasn't very Irish). We grabbed food and a few more pints. Katie spoke fluent Italian and got offered a job and even got a quick interview. Fucking weird, I know.
A little past 9, drunk, we ran back to the train station. We looked up at the schedule. No trains to Siena. All we could do was laugh. Now, to find a hotel.
The girls had just bought clothes that day. I, however, only had the stinky tee shirt, sweaty jeans, and sandals that I was wearing (not to mention my new dress shoes). Oh, well.
We head back to the Aussie's hotel and ask if there are any vacancies. None, check upstairs. We head upstairs. They only have one room for two. He wouldn't give it to us. Katie begged the man, in Italian, telling him that we were desperate and didn't want to be left on the streets blah blah blah. The man turned red in the face and finally relented. He led us to the room and opened the door. One queen-size bed. Laughing, we all flopped down on the bed and decided what to do next. Alana and Katie wanted to head back to that Irish bar to meet up with some American guys we had walked by earlier. Alana lent me an extra t-shirt she had (it was an excavation shirt with everybody's name on the back). They donned their pretty clothes, and I threw on the sweatshirt and zapped my pits with some deodorant I had been carrying around in my backpack.
We headed back to the bar and hung out for a while. Katie even worked the bar for some of the night, which was strange. Now, I had told her that I liked her and she kind of liked me, too. That night, she was wearing a dress she had gotten, and looked gorgeous.
After that bar closed, we all walked to the next popular bar that we knew would be filled with English-speakers (the American dudes were nowhere to be found, however [thankfully for me]). Katie and I walked arm-in-arm, and Alana was walking with some pretty Turkish kid she met. We got to the bar and Katie told me to give her my passport and bank card, in case my pockets got picked. I drunkenly agreed, thinking that it was a really clever idea at the time.
We messed around at that place for a bit, before deciding to move onto a club. I was chatting with these British kids and telling them jokes that they thought were absolutely hilarious. All the while, I kept an eye out for Katie and Alana. They were not too far ahead of me. I stopped for a moment to say goodbye to the Brits. Katie and ALana turned a corner. I went after them, and turned the corner. Nobody. I ran a bit further, looking down each street I passed. Nobody was there.
Oh. Fuck.
I am alone in a country whose language I do not speak, with no way to prove who I am, and no way to buy anything I need. It is also abundantly clear that I am lost and have no idea where I'm going. And I'm wasted. Maybe I can go back to the hotel and wait there. Surely, the nice old man will give me a key to the room, right?
I ask somebody if they know where the train station is. She shows me, and I make it back. It's dark, though, and I can't find the hotel anywhere. No. This can not be happening.
Wait!! I thought *I'll call Katie and Alana! They'll pick up and tell me where they are!" I called them a few times. No answer. I start to panic. Finally, my phone starts ringing. It's Katie!
"TheConeIsReturned! I've been looking for you! Where did you go? We're at a club called 'Twice' and you should come!"
"Oh my God I have been trying to reach you. You have my things and I'm lost! I'll find Twice, and I'll be there in fifteen to twenty minutes. I just need to find it. Will you wait for me?"
"I will. I will not move from this spot until you find me" she said.
Thank God! I thought. Now, to find Twice. I head back in the direction I think I came from, and hear somebody speaking English. It's some drunk Aussie giving a drunk night tour of Florence. Perfect.
"Hey, man, I'm really really lost. Could you please tell me where Club Twice is?"
"Of course, mate. Head straight up that road to that green light in the distance. When you get there, you'll come up to a place called 'The Goose' or something like that. There's a goose on the front. Take a right and then an immediate left, and you're at Twice."
I thanked him and ran down the road. His directions were perfect. When I got to The Goose, I saw a group of three or four people crouched over a body lying on its side against a building.
"Everything okay?" I asked. A girl with a light Germanic-sounding accent replied:
"This kid is passed out and all of his belongings are just out here in the open next to him. We don't know him. He won't wake up, and we don't know what to do."
Well, the best thing to do is to try and figure out who the hell he is and get him out of here I thought. I poured water on his face, and he woke up, but barely. I looked at his passport. He's a 20 year old college student from the States. He wouldn't respond to questions. Instead, he just made incoherent babbling noises. We called the authorities (better than getting mugged, I figured), and then the German girl led me to Twice. I thanked her and went looking for Katie. She wasn't outside. I had just spoken to her about fifteen minutes prior. How could she have left?
I went inside. It was really dark, but I kept looking. I looked outside again. Inside. Nobody. Nothing. She wasn't there. I am pissed. I begin calling her over and over. She has my passport. She has my bank card. She has the keys to the hotel, and knows where it is. She needs to pick up the fucking phone. Now.
I call her, and call her, and call her again. It's 4 AM. The club closes. Her phone goes to voicemail. I hang up and dial again. And then, I see them. She's standing there, facing away from me, talking to some dude in red. I'm furious. I walked up to her and as soon as I'm within earshot I angrily shout "Way to pick up your fucking phone. I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long..." I lightly pushed the guy in red aside, and I fucking lost it. I hadn't given anybody the third degree in my entire adult life, and this was serious. I didn't scream, but if looks could kill, there would have been nothing left of her.
Continued in comments...
TheConeIsReturned ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:30:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...Continued
I told her that I was in a shitty situation and that she could have really fucked me over and that she promised she would wait for me but instead found some random Italian guy and decided to go inside with him how could she be so selfish blah blah blah... She just stood there with a look of realization and guilt written all over her face.
By the time I was done we were both just standing there, staring at each other, tears rolling down our face. She only said one thing
"I am so sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. You are absolutely right. I didn't want to be that person, and I was. I am so sorry."
"I'm just glad I found you, Katie. It's over now. I'm just glad I found you." and I hugged her. We stood there, embracing each other for minutes. I looked over and noticed that Red Shirt is still standing there, awkwardly. I look at him, and tell him to go. He stares back, blankly.
"Vai! Vai! Buona notte!" and he walks off, hands in pockets.
Not tonight, buddy. Not tonight.
Katie is crying. I'm crying. After a few minutes, we've calmed down. The sky is getting lighter. I loosen my embrace and put my finger under Katie's chin. She looks at me, and I kiss her lightly on her lips. She kisses me back. I reach around and pull her in, and now we're kissing passionately. I stop for a moment...
"There's a bridge just up that hill. The sun is coming up. Do you want to go watch the sun rise?" I asked her.
She looked into my eyes, smiled, nodded, and kissed me again.
On our way to the bridge we would stop periodically and make out against a wall. Then we would keep going. At one point, after a wall session, she turned around and, looking back and holding my arm, walked towards the street, up the hill. She didn't see the curb approaching. It happened so quickly. She suddenly fell forward and planted her face on the cobbled street, landing on her jaw. She rolled over, dazed, and bleeding from her chin.
"I fell on my face!" She laughed.
"Oh my God, are you alright?!?"
I reached into my pocket and found a napkin, and daubed her chin with it. She held it there, and kissed me again. She seemed surprisingly okay, aside from the blood. We walked up the bridge just in time to see the sky start to turn red and pink. We just stood there, watching, and then we grabbed each other and kissed on the bridge over the Arno, with the Ponte Vecchio to one side and the sunrise to the other, and her dripping blood all over Alana's shirt that I was wearing. It was the gushiest, most overly-romantic thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. It was like something out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Even her bleeding on me somehow made it amazing, by adding just another element to it that I can't quite describe. At one point some people walked by and I heard a camera snapping a few times.
For that moment, everything was perfect. For that moment, nothing could touch us. For that moment, we were in love.
After the sun had risen we decided to go back to the hotel, using the GPS on her phone. I practically carried her for much of the way. We got back to the room and looked at the bed. Alana wasn't there. She went home with the Turkish guy.
We stripped, crawled into bed, and fell asleep.
Somewhere around 9, I was awakened by strange music. It stopped, and I dozed off again. Seconds later, it played again. It stopped, but came back immediately. It was the phone!
I picked up and it was Alana. I told her I'd meet her at Il Duomo. I started to rise, but Katie grabbed me and said
"Wait, before you go..." and she grabbed between my legs and pulled me towards her.
"Make it quick" she said.
It was. Like, 5 minutes quick. Then I ran off to rind Alana.
As I approached Il Duomo I started looking around. She noticed me immediately and walked straight towards me and hugged me for a good two minutes. We made it back to the hotel and all slept for another hour or so.
Finally, we all got up and decided to go home. First, though, we needed breakfast. There is a McDonald's outside of the train station, and we all got Share Boxes. Share Boxes, by the way, are the absolute best think that McDonald's has ever created ever. Look them up.
Anyway, we're sitting there, and Katie and I regale Alana with the story of what happened after we all got separated. When it got to the point of me mentioning us going to the bridge, Katie looked up and said
"Wait, what bridge?"
"Seriously, Katie? You don't remember the bridge? It was one of the most amazing things that has ever happened..."
"I don't remember the bridge...the last thing I remember is falling on my face. What happened on the bridge? OMIGOD Alana I can't believe I fell on my face it was-----"
I was crushed.
"Ah, nothing, Katie. Only the most gushy, romantic thing to happen to me ever."
In the end, we kind of just laughed it off. Deep down, though, I still feel really bummed that she forgot that whole part which was so poignant to me.
We still hooked up a few times for the rest of the excavation, but nothing really came of it. I didn't want or expect it to, anyway.
If you've made it this far, you're the best. Thank you for reading. I'm so sorry about the wall of text.
tl;dr I kissed a girl at sunrise in Florence and she forgot about it happening
MoneyShotoh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:11:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing story man. It feels like I have read it before, or something similar. I love it though.
TheConeIsReturned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:18:01 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! I'm not sure if I've written it in another thread, before. I guess I can always look.
ForgottenFuture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:30:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was beautiful
TheConeIsReturned ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:43:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! That whole day was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:38 on August 9, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheConeIsReturned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:24 on August 9, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tony?
dbx99 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 06:22:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This family on my block had a tiny chihuahua. Really friendly chill tiny five pound chihuahua. Her name was Daisy. I walked my dogs around the block every day and I saw them all the time. One day Daisy wasn't around. I asked. She had gotten mauled by a neighbor's pitbull that got loose. The neighbor with the pitbull was a complete asshole. On a separate occasion, that asshole had discharged a gun out of their Escalade next to my house. The cops found the casing (a 9mm) right next to my fence. We knew who did it, we all told the cops, and they did nothing. I knew their house and they kept a vicious pitbull in the front yard that clawed and jumped at the fence whenever you walked by. People in the neighborhood had been trying to get Animal Control to do something for months but Pasadena California = bullshit cops, bullshit Animal Control that do shit.
Two months later, I am talking to another neighbor who tells me the pitbull got out AGAIN. This time, there was a woman and a kid walking by and the pit had them cornered against a wall and was probably going to maul them when the kid who owned the mauled chihuahua comes running out of his house with a kitchen knife and just tackles the pitbull and basically guts the dog in the street.
Pretty shocking story.
BeatnikThespian ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:56:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn, well that's definitely one way of dealing with the situation.
truckbot101 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:53:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What happened afterwards? What did the owner of the pittbull do? How did the kid with the knife respond?
dbx99 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:15:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing happened. Everybody went home. No cops involved.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:00:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never fuck with a kids dog...
dbx99 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:30:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unless it fucks with another kid's dog
Hemo7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How did the asshole neighbor react?
dbx99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:59 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. She didn't have info on the aftermath.
Freny1 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 13:33:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late to the party, but I'll tell this story. In 9th grade civics class from January until June we did this economic experiment. Every assignment would get you "money" that would then go towards calculating your grade. So the more money you had the better the grade. The implication being the harder you worked the more money you got. Some things were worth more money (essays = $100 versus $10 for a chapter review). The kicker was everyone had to keep accurate accounting. That was to teach us checkbook balancing etc.
To add some more context. In this class there was a group of uber dbags who would be total asshats to me all the time. But when this project started I got a reputation as a good accountant. I handled my books well so people started coming to me for help. I would charge a nominal fee to help them sort their books. Then that group of morons started asking for help, but these guys didn't understand math. I had contracts written up so that everyone had to give me a certain percentage of their income, for those people I charged between 50 and 75 percent. By now the whole class was giving me a percentage of their income while I managed their books enough so that I stopped doing any homework. I had more than enough money.
The end of the semester rolled around and the teacher was shocked. Nearly half the class had Cs or below, with that group of morons failing. This was despite everyone doing a large amount of work. I ended up having more money than everyone in the class combined. They discontinued that program after that. Moral of the story don't fuck with the smart kid.
TLDR: I was the Wolf of 9th grade Wallstreet.
mrdelayer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:01 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you then go on to start a payday loan company on a Native American reservation?
Freny1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:59 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fast money now. You know it. Haha
xanaboobs ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:49:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Last week I finished up at my job. I was the only girl in the office with a bunch of tradies. They drink hard and so do I. So we went out for beers, which turned into jรคger bombs. I'm pretty slaughtered by the time my boss walks me to the train station. I go downstairs to the platform and realise I'm dying for a piss. So I go upstairs, knowing my train is coming soon and I have to hurry. The bathroom I usually would go to is closed for cleaning. And I can't find another one (though I know there is one). So I'm running around looking upstairs, and I hear my train coming. I run downstairs, I'm almost at the bottom of the stair case and I trip. I slide down the stairs, my arms fail to go out to stop me, I land face first on the concrete. My front tooth is bent in horizontal, I've cut my leg open from knee to ankle, and, voila, I piss myself. I miss the train, nobody is around to help me, I limp onto the next train with my shoes sloshing, blood everywhere, crying like a baby. I am a classy lady.
allmyrabbits ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:56:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:( Did you get home safe? Call anyone? Went to a Dr.?
xanaboobs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:12:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did and thank you. Got picked up from my station by my boyfriend and housemate, saw the dentist the next day and my tooth is fine. Pretty sure everything else is fine, though if my bruise and nose-bump don't go down in a few days I'll go go the doctor.
allmyrabbits ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good. I'm glad you're ok. :) Take care!
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:58:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Posted in another thread but it got buried so it counts!
WARNING: Incredibly disgusting
Right... So I went on holiday to Wales with my grandma, sister and mum. We booked a holiday cottage in a really nice part of the Brecon Beacons. Anyways, as it gets to the 2nd last day and we are all packing to leave the next day. I had severe stomach ache and excessive gas. This wasn't any stomach ache. It was the type that you get when you have explosive diarrhea just waiting to blow out of your arsehole. I was seriously trying to hold it in hoping that it would just subside. It didnt. As the watery faeces started trickling out of my anus, I ran to the toilet. No word of a lie, as I sat down on the toilet, all of my bowels emptied in less that 5 seconds. It felt so good... Stank like fuck though. When I got up to flush, the shit literally was above water. Yep, there was that much that there was more fecal matter than toilet water. I try flushing but all that did was raise the water all the way to the top and mix the diarrhea. So what do I do? I call my mum over like the retard that I am. As soon as she gets near the bathroom she is already gagging. She comes in and I tell her everything that happened. She called my grandma in to help with this as my mum and I really don't know how to fix this. So as we tell my grandma everything as she comes in, she tells me to get a plastic bag. As I come back into the bathroom, I see my grandma elbow deep in the toilet literally fishing the solid parts out. My mum standing behind her was crying her eyes out from the amount of laughter and disgust. I've never seen my grandma as that sweet old lady who used to make apple cupcakes with me as a child anymore. TL;DR: Grandma plunges arm into diarrhea toilet attemping to unclog it.
igotdestroyed ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:25:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at Wacky Wings with my brother and my parents. My parents had given us money so we could go play some games while we waited for our food.
So, we were playing the games and getting tickets and cashing them in for prizes, but if you didn't want to spend all your tickets right then you could cash them into the machine and get a receipt for all the tickets you had earned.
So, my brother and I have collected our receipts for the tickets we got (which was like 500), when I noticed a trashcan with receipts in it. I grabbed a handful of receipts to see if maybe I could get some extra tickets.
So, I scanned some of the receipts and the machine was accepting them because they had not been redeemed. So, I go back and grab more receipts, and the deeper I go into the trashcan the more is left on the receipts.
It gets to the point where my brother and I have accumulated over 300 000 tickets from the receipts and with these 300 000 tickets we exchanged them for the Toronto Maple Leafs tickets that were in the machine. My brother and I run back to our table and show our parents what we have won for them and they are so surprised.
Later, the manager comes over to us and doesn't seem too happy because we have won the tickets in one night of being there. We then have to return to the machine and show her that the machine was not broken and how we were able to get the tickets. Although she was not happy we were allowed to keep the Toronto Maple Leafs tickets because we did not break any rules to get them.
TL:DR My brother and I acquired Toronto Maple Leafs tickets from the prize machine at Wacky Wings by going through the trash to find receipts for tickets that your win from the games and cashing in unredeemed ones
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:31:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is why Chuck E. Cheese's has an automated shredder in those machines now...
SuggestiveWink ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 02:31:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let me tell you the story of my first crush. Back in sixth grade at catholic school my class went on an outdoor ed trip to a lake in the mountains. I was excited because this girl I liked was going to be in the same group as me for all the outing we went on, and I got to spend a lot of time with her, doing activities from hiking to arts & crafts to learning about the ecosystem. I had a great time but never really got the chance to talk to her one on one. The third and final night we were at that lake we were supposed to go down to the cemetery to tell ghost stories. My crush had twisted her ankle that day while we were out hiking so she couldn't go and I volunteered to stay behind and keep her company. So after everyone else left it was just the two of us chilling by the cabins and we start talking about a few things. The problem was that after 10 minutes I ran out of stuff to talk about and we ended up sitting awkwardly for about 15 minutes until everyone returned. Longest 15 minutes of my life, and after that we didn't really talk anymore.
TL;DR: Worked to get alone time with 6th grade crush, promptly ran out of things to talk about.
super__nova ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:02:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a horrible person. I read the history expecting sex the whole time
THEBEAST666 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:55:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Should have given her the old /u/suggestivewink
akamoltres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I see what you did there.
Hexatona ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:50:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once had a relationship based entirely on me talking. It lasted a surprisngly long time...
And that's when I discovered I love talking! But not that girl. No, not that girl.
notengoanadie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's when you make your move! The awkward pause is prime move making time.
lord_james ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She wanted you to kiss her, idiot.
letsgofightdragons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ouch. That facepalm must've hurt.
mattylsd ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 05:12:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That I just found out this week that I'm having a baby and we got engaged too, don't speak with my family, so haven't told that many people.
carollm ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:10:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations! I don't speak to my family much either and I know how it feels to have good news but not have many people to share it with. It's a great feeling to build your own family away from drama, though.
ninjajandal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:30:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations!
lucidmythology ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:09:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Got engaged in early December...found out we were pregnant in January. We tell everyone that we celebrated engagement a littttlllllee toooo much. Congrats!
babeasaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:32:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
congratulations! :) I don't talk to my family either; sometimes, it's just not worth all the drama!
harper54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations!
fishflavoursoap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wooohoo! Congratulations!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really happy for you! Congrats from Norway!
roxie1127 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations
Ninja-iris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yay congratulations!!! :) your reddit family is happy for you :)
Shikikan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations! How'd the proposal go? :)
Bayardina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck, I hope you're in love.
eradano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats!
[deleted] ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:47:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At my school, we had a foreign exchange student from Dubai. Like a stereotypical Dubian/Dubaienese/Dubeesi he had a rich oil baron for a father. He barely spoke a word of English, but he seemed like a normal guy. He went to his classes, did his work, and drove himself home in a Bugatti his dad gave him.
Except for one thing. He would wipe his ass with his hands, in-class. And he did it casually too, then go back to doing his work. He was a normal guy who was very nonchalant about it, so we assumed that all Dubians did it.
Over the nine months he spent here, he learnt conversational English pretty quickly. He made friends. He sat with people at lunch, laughing and talking. He got a girlfriend who was pretty hot. All the while, he kept wiping his swampy ass with his hands.
The next year, there was another exchange student from Dubai. This one wasn't the son of a billionaire and he already knew a lot of English. He didn't wipe his ass with his hands. Someone asked him about it. He said that no one does that in Dubai.
BeatnikThespian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:39:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hell yeah, love the payoff.
[deleted] ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 09:35:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SplashyFlashy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:45:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was beautiful, thank you for sharing :)
Aruu ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:18:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a beautiful story. I'm so sorry for your loss, and your grandpa sounds like he was an amazing person. It's so unfair he was taken before his time.
thedragslay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:24:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A beautiful story. Thank you for telling it. I lost my grandfather recently. March 9th, 9:41 PM.
MoneyShotoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was a very touching story. I am sorry for your grandfather. He sounded like an amazing man.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:02:29 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! Please remember that! There's no way your bickering could have caused his illness. *hug*
ThroAway2ThrowHarder ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:32:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I focused on scholastics in high school in order to qualify for several scholarships; didn't much care for electives and got randomly assigned to drama. I'm an extremely impassive person with a flat tone of voice. Even when distressed it's very difficult for me to express it, but my teacher was an old hand and taught me the technical side of theater. Our school had a very expensive installation. Lights, huge sound system, seating for about 5,000, and plenty of up space for scenery and backdrops.
I became the head tech by my third year, and when I returned for my senior year I learned my teacher had retired. She was teaching for the fun of it as her real career had been as a stage actress. The drama classes and theater were put under the control of the school's coach, who was an asshole of the highest degree and more than likely stealing from the school. He came in like some swinging dick, ordering me and my crew around as if he knew what the hell he was talking about. Well, since I was working with professional acting troupes that were passing through I was obligated to give them my best, so I took it upon myself to do the job right rather than in the manner the coach told us.
He stripped me of my responsibilities on the spot, which I expected and accepted was a consequence of professional pride. He took my keys to the facility, bitched me out, but when he threatened to say I couldn't walk for graduation my folks referred him to their attorney. They backed off, but they never did ask for the schematics and operation manuals for all the hardware installed into the theater that my teacher had entrusted me with.
It's a 30 million dollar facility that the asshole hasn't a clue how to work.
Zoraver ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:58:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What highschool... Never mind. I am sorry for your and your schools loss..
djelenthe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:03 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why does any school need thirty million dollars of anything?
Woodshadow ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 07:03:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got engaged and graduated college today
rodmandirect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mazel Tov! May life continue to bring you all the best!
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations! So happy for you. All the best with your life and career ahead, and may your lives be filled with love and happiness.
harper54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's fantastic! I wish you all the best!
fishflavoursoap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well done and congratulations on both counts :)
transfrmpnguinz ยท 238 points ยท Posted at 03:02:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Part of a high school swim team, our coach was having us a sort of competitive set where as soon as we've won three 25-yard sprints we get to hang out in the shallow end and cool off.
So I get over there, and my friend and my semi-dick friend decides to snatch my goggles off my head and throw them across the pool. So I give him a death stare before turning to go after them, and as I do I feel a soft brush against my shoulder. (This is important for later).
So I get over there and he follows me. So I turn back around because I don't trust him, and as I do I spot something off in the distance behind him. Something that seems really out of place. A fuzzball or something?
A spider.
A fucking spider.
A fucking floating??? spider!!!
I abandon the quest for my goggles which suddenly seems so unimportant, push my friend out of the way and wade like Godzilla over to that little bastard, who appears to be hovering a millimeter over the dead center of the shallow end. Upon further inspection I conclude that spiders cannot hover and that this little fella is hanging from a web, connected to the ceiling....... TWENTY METERS ABOVE. (Seriously, it's a high-ass ceiling).
So I'm staring at it, and I just start announcing the word "spider" over and over again because I'm in so much shock.
"Spider. SPIDER. SPIDER!" (Hodor!)
Eventually people start acknowledging my existence, and come over to see what all the commotion is, and there is that little guy, just chillin.
So naturally, we agree to try and drown it. No dialogue passed between any of us. We all just went for it.
So some guy grabs a kickboard and bats at the web trying to knock it clean off.
But do you know how strong spider-web is??
So instead, the web goes flying to one side, the spider right after it, and starts looping around our heads. It was the freakiest thing ever trying to duck just in time before a spider is on your face.
So this turned into a very aggressive game of tether-dodge-spider, where a bunch of guys roared masculinely while batting at this web with kickboards. Finally, a rather chubby Asian friend of mine (let us pray he never reads this) gets up on the bulk end of the pool with a kickboard, assumes SUMO position, stares at his prey with a hungry look in his eye, HOLLERS, and kamikazes into the middle of the pool, slashing the kickboard down upon the spider as his body makes contact with the water.
A tsunami erupts, and all of us jump back in panic trying to figure out where the hell the spider had gone to. As the water returns to the normal and the pool surface is visible again, my friend points "There!" to the spider, who is now on the bottom of the pool.
And he's still alive. That fucker would not die.
As we all stared in awe, some guy in the back shouted "Drown it MORE!"
Within a few seconds another guy grabbed a bucket, flipped upside-down and brought it upon the spider! He kept it there, screaming bloody murder at the bastard.
Two more minutes went by before that spider was finally dead. In our glory, we huddled into a large group around its corpse and danced in a circle around it, like we had just performed some sort of sacrifice and/or ritual.
I don't think any of us will ever forget that day. I think that was the most teamwork I've ever seen from our team in the four years I've been with them.
TL;DR spider dangling above our pool transforms into a team effort to drown the shit out of it.
EDIT: format
SomeMetroid ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 04:26:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Spider bro just wanted to cool off in the pool, and you drowned him :(
transfrmpnguinz ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:39:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Technically I had very little to do with the drowning process, I just alerted everyone about its presence.
I guess I can't defend myself though after referring to it as a bastard about five or six times...
_Mary_Poppins_ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:25:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TL;DR "DROWN IT MORE!"
transfrmpnguinz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:27:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Like something out of a high-school comedy for me.
trullette ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:04:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why are you all so scared of a little spider?
transfrmpnguinz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:09:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't scared. Well, except for the tetherball thing, that was pretty sketchy. But the rest was just us being overly-excited about our unique discovery.
trullette ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:14:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh, gotcha. That changes the whole mood of the story :)
transfrmpnguinz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:18:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, don't picture it as much as a bunch of guys freaking out about a spider. Picture it more like a bunch of half-naked warriors in a body of water causing absolute chaos. Because that's exactly what it felt like.
trullette ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:45:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's only slight problems with thinking of a bunch of high schoolers as "half-naked warriors" :)
transfrmpnguinz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:50:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My mistake.
*half-naked GODS ;)
trullette ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:11:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ha :)
321HelicopterDick ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:50:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This was a weird fucking story. I don't know if I enjoyed it or not
transfrmpnguinz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did :)
addlepated ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:43:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Band name.
transfrmpnguinz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:44:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Someone tell Andy Dwyer! Quick!
virtuallynonexistent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:03:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lord of the flies?
transfrmpnguinz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Spiders.
CallMeYourGod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glorious
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was marvelous.
BobLeBuilDerp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar spider (or bug, don't remember at the moment)
I have two best friends who have been my best friends since the 6th grade. This story takes place maybe in 7th-8th grade, during the summer. All 3 of us love to skate, so they come over to my house, and we just hangout in my garage and driveway. Well we get tired and I get some chairs and sit. Eventually I think I start shooting cans with my airsoft gun, and someone breaks a chair, and is messing with the broken chair leg.
Then we see the spider/bug/thing and we all look at it, were kinda huddled up around it. I don't remember what happened next, but I do remember I was shooting it with the airsoft gun, one of my friends was using the broken chair leg to beat the shit out of it, and my other friend was hitting it with a shoe or maybe a skateboard.
We stopped what we were doing to just completely destroy this random spider we found.
artvandal7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You win.
burnout915 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And kids, this is why teamwork is important.
PlayMp1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fairly certain you were briefly possessed by daemons of the Blood God.
Le_Rone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
obviously not Australian
Archonet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know, at first I thought this was stupid, but the more I think about spiders and making them suffer for their crimes, I'm beginning to think this should be some sort of sport.
BreakingInReverse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This had me in fucking tears.
Gabriellasalmonella ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:(
DBZLogic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY.FUCKING.SHIT!
This is now my favorite story on reddit. Thank you.
Biggy17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This made my day
pounds_not_dollars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You definitely shouldn't have drowned, it annoys when people have to kill things they don't like
Apatheticunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How big was the spider?
Fire911xX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is fucking amazing.
Wiinsomniacs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You were submitted to /r/bestofTLDR
transfrmpnguinz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:39:15 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Woo! That makes me happy, I've always thought that story was Reddit-worthy, I just didn't know when to share it until now :)
FrisianDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:05 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Murderer! :(
dumkopf604 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:28:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DGAF about your fucking spider. If you're not "straight from the hood" you're nothing.
transfrmpnguinz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was it something I said? Is this a movie reference? Did I do something wrong?
...I'm scared.
dumkopf604 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shut up about your spider.
transfrmpnguinz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mkay
dumkopf604 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Finally. Jesus.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think we all know who the dumkopf here is.
dumkopf604 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh me! That's the joke right. Woosh or someshit. Right .
XFD he used my username. Fucking karma for him right.
jonosvision ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 04:30:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I finally typed out this story in the What's the most embarrassing thing you did as a child? thread and it got buried. I think it's a horrible/hilarious enough story for me to post it again.
When I was a kid, around 5, my uncle took me to a basketball game they were holding at the Elementary school. Apparently it was one of those fun novelty ones to raise money for awareness. It was against a group of basketball playing little people vs the teachers.
I was scared out of my fucking mind of them. I had never seen little people before and I just remember sitting on my uncle's lap and recoiling and SCREAMING, SCREAMING AND CRYING REDDIT! Every time a little person ran past me while playing in the basketball game. I was hysterically scared of them. It was so bad my uncle had to take me out of the gymnasium and take me home.
Now that I am older it is truely the most horrific memory I have, I feel so fucking guilty and every time I think of it I just want to laugh because of how purely awful it was, I guess its one of those 'so fucking horrible it's hilarious' types of things. Whenever my uncle makes me tell the story my shitty ass family is always in stitches. Those little people players probably hated me, and I really have no idea why my uncle didn't drown me in the tub once we got home.
lilburrito ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 05:23:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aww, it's okay. I used to cry hysterically at the sight of black people.
Divisadero ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:14:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently I have some sort of aversion to little people but I never saw a little person in person except in a sideshow until I was an adult. My friends and I were reeeeally high and went to the goth nightclub for a fetish event because it sounded like something different. I saw a little person there and completely lost my shit at first, for whatever reason the sight of him just made the world not make sense at all to my high brain. every time I looked at him I just kind of freaked out silently and I had to avoid looking at him while the somewhat sober/sane part of my brain berated myself for being scared of a little person and for potentially making him feel bad if he noticed me avoiding looking at him. At least you were a kid! I still don't know why I had that reaction.
ChrisCGray ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:22:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's okay, you just suffer from Achondroplasiaphobia.
heyitsaubrey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:40:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did this with mentally handicap people. There was a girl in my ballet class with a handicap brother, and once when her mom was picking her up, he needed to use the restroom. So, she brought him into the facility to use the restroom. When I saw him walk in I immediately started screaming. I thought he was some sort of monster and hid under a card table. I kept screaming that there was a monster in the room, but no one else seemed to even care! How could they not be afraid of what is obviously a malicious creature and definitely not a harmless kid with a disability! The boys sister was trying to explain to me that he was not a monster and will not hurt me, but I wasn't having it.
I never went back to ballet class.
DAsSNipez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
REDDIT!
REDDDDIIIIIITTTTT!
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 10:46:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
v_sabhnani ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
SO PROUD OF YOU
omelettesforbreakfas ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:10:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Two years ago, my parents decided it was time that we visited the motherland. Somaliland. This was a place my dad would go on about constantly. How beautiful it was, how friendly the people were, how safe it was compared to the south. Anyway my story is about the weirdest new years day EVER! We we're staying in the town of Berbera. Located right on the Gulf of Aden. After breakfast we visited the beach- which was a short walk away from the hotel we were staying at. After swimming, taking pictures and bathing in the Gulf, my dad recalled that he knew of a fishing village that was down the shore line and suggested it would be a good idea to go and check it out. Realising there wasn't much to do at the hotel, we agreed and started walking. After about 30 minutes of walking and seeing nothing but more coast line in sight we began to slow the pace. Thinking he was Frodo, my dad took my little brother as his companion and went on ahead, telling the rest of us to stick with my mum, reassuring her that the camp wasn't too far off, and that if we would just continue following the shore line we would inevitably catch up to them. We soon lost sight of my little brother and dad. After 20 more minutes of walking we agreed to stop and wait for my dad and brother to return. As we're sitting on the sand, waiting, we see a small boat appear in the distance. Thinking nothing much of it I remember joking to my brother "Look the pirates have come to get us". Well, the boat was getting closer and closer, and it seemed the men in the boat were signaling at us, almost as if to tell us not to move. Now at this point we're thinking fuck. To make matters worse, my dad is the only one who speaks somali fluently, so... double fuck. Anyway, realising the potential danger, my mum orders us to get up and walk back to the hotel, pretending we never saw them. As we're walking back, it becomes clear that the men in the boat were signaling us. Eyes forward and keep walking was the command whispered by my mum. But the men in the boat were persistent, they came closer and closer, until we could actually hear them shouting at us. We continued to ignore them, until finally one of the men, jumped out of the boat and started to swim towards us. At this point, shit was looking to pop off. My mum grabbed my arm and just as she was about to tell me to run, I heard the guy shout my name. And then my brother's name. And then my mum's name. Turns out my dad had found the fishing camp and had sent the men to come and pick us up. After confirming the guys knew my dad, we jumped on and they escorted us to the camp. It was pretty bad ass! On the waves, riding with a couple somali fishermen (we pretended they were pirates) with guns. I wish I had taken a picture. Anyway, we arrive at the camp, which was essentially a couple sleeping bags and stools around a fire. Reunited with my little brother and dad, the fishermen offered us tea and fish, and shared stories with us about their work, and how they live. It was a pleasant encounter, and I fondly remember how humble and hospitable they were. As the conversation flowed, time flew. The sun began to set and darkness was creeping in. The kind fishermen offered to take us back to the hotel on the boat. But for some reason, my mum didn't like the idea of getting back on the boat. Luckily, the camp leader knew a guy with a truck who could drive us back. Thankfully, my mum agreed. At this point it's basically pitch black. Eventually, our ride arrives. And its a monstrosity of a truck. We all hop in the front, and continuing their generosity the fishermen offered to escort us all the way to the hotel. My dad kindly refused, saying it wasn't necessary, but they did not have it. Losing that argument, all 15 of them hoped on the back of the truck, clenching on. It was a 10 minute drive back to the hotel on no road at all. The ride was bumpy as hell. And we could hear the fishermen laughing and shouting at the driver to slow the fuck down or they'll fall off. Eventually, we pull up to the hotel, with a huge fucking truck and 15 dudes in the back. It was definitely a sight to see. The guards at the hotel we're taken aback and drew their guns. It got heated for a quick second, but luckily, once they clocked my dad's face things deescalated. Anyway, we got the the hotel safely, my dad paid the guys, and we we're buzzing of the adventure for a while.
BeatnikThespian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:50:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your family sounds awesome! What are some other stories that you have? Also, why did those fisherman have guns? Seems pretty piratey to me. haha
omelettesforbreakfas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:49:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha thanks man! We're definitely an odd bunch. And they had one gun between them and a few machetes. The machetes were for fishing/cutting things and the gun I think he said was to protect the camp from bandits or from other fisherman while out in the sea.
MoneyShotoh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:00:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Great story
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Grade 12, I was skipping the morning classes to be up at the ski hill since it snowed 30cm overnight. Skied up to the chairlift and barely had to wait since it was a weekday. Sit on the chair, turn to the guy beside me, and its my chemistry teacher. Who teaches the class I was currently skipping. We had a "no one speaks of this" moment, and then the next day he comes by my desk and comments on how its impressive that the attendance sheet says I was present the previous day. One of my friends figured he'd cover for me since the sub wouldn't catch on.
Py72o ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:30:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate went to a rave and was rolling hard, started making out with a girl and all of the sudden his lips were on fire. He starts freaking out saying his lips are burning and she tells him she snuck into the rave and got pepper sprayed on the way in
amarilloumbrella ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 02:11:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Copy pasted and edited from a thread that I responded to a little late today.
I was in my third year of high school and I had gym for second period. I'm usually first in that class since my locker was very close to the gym. When I was walking in I thought, "Oh someone took a dump in here" because of the strong smell of poop. Then I looked at the wall and saw a big 'splash' of poop on it like someone threw their poop right at the wall. There were two of these poop splashes and below them was a crescent shaped poop. It basically looked like a smily face on the wall made by some asshole's poop. On the rest of the walls were just random splashes of poop. I bolted right out of the change room while trying to hold down the omelette I had for breakfast, ran to my gym teacher Mr. A at the staff room and said, "There's shit, all over the change room". The teachers there scolded me for a quick second about my language. I appologized and told them to see for themselves. When Mr. A and the another teacher(I don't know her name) walked in the change room both of them were gagging. That change room ended up closed for the rest of the day. My class had to use the change room of the second gym which another class was using. The next day there were strict rules for change rooms. They had to be locked after it was used so nobody can use them between classes. Whoever did it never got caught but it was suspected that it was someone from the first period class. TLDR Change room poop art.
craptastico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know it was you.
Madarel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I went to your school
tinyOnion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't be afraid of a lil scat splat
thedonnieabides ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:16:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I accidentally slept with my good friend's roommate last night, I didn't know they lived together until I heard her voice on the other side of the bedroom door. Thank god she didn't come in...
Setari ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:26:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
High fives all around.
DeliciousVictory ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:43:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking around my neighborhood and I was approaching little caesars. As I got there this random black dude comes up to me and asked if wanted to buy weed. I instantly said yes(dumb I know). The dudes goes by kush and he has become my dealer ever since
tittilating_tomatoes ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:44:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was late October or early November, somewhere around Halloween. My sister and I were 11 at the time, and my brother was 12. I was outside helping my mom rake our yard, when I see a little boy in front of his house calling down to me.
(My house is immediately at the bottom of a hill, and the boy's house was at the top of the hill, to the right facing down the hill)
Anyway, the boy asks me to help him get his dogs back into his yard, as they had somehow escaped and were running around the lawn. I get my brother and sister and we go up.
After a while, we get the dogs back into the fenced yard. Then, the boy lets them go. At this point, we had noticed a Halloween decoration in his side yard that looked like a man with blood dripping from his mouth robotically moving his arms back and forth. It creeped us out, but we paid no attention to it. After all, it was still Halloween season.
So when the boy let his two dogs out again, the little dachshund runs straight towards the decoration and licks its face, and the blood. At this point my sister is creeped out and tells my mom about the decoration. She just says to pay no attention to it. Okay, whatever. Mom is always right.
We chase the dogs for a while longer, but each time we got them back into the fenced yard, the boy let them out again. The fuck, man? That shit ain't cool.
So by this time the decoration is moaning, and my sister goes down and describes the decoration to my mom. This time, my mom comes back up with her.
She investigates a bit, pulls out her cell phone, and dials 911. It was the boy's dad. He had a stroke while mowing and was out there for a good while. We were told later that the mom wasn't going to be back until midnight that night, and had we not noticed him, he'd probably have been dead by the time his wife got home.
Luckily, he lived. But damn it was scary for eleven year old me.
TL;DR: Eleven year old me and siblings are creeped out by Halloween decoration. Not Halloween decoration, but neighbor's father.
jaycrypted ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:57:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was 13 or 14 my brother and I, read on the internet you could masturbate by carving a dick-width-sized hole through a cucumber and microwaving it. So he decided to do this late at night and (while I chose not to because I considered it to be weird as fuck). Before he started to get things going, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. With no way to explain what he was doing, he immediately pulled up his pants and began to eat the cucumber. He explained to my mother "Midnight snack...". What makes it even more funnier is that he is allergic to cucumber. My mother knew this. So he told her that he was testing if he still had his allergy.
Edit: My brother has posted a story about this on another thread, cannot seem to find it.
mommy2libras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember reading that awhile back. I'm pretty sure it was an ask reddit thread but I don't remember which one it was.
Koyoteelaughter ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:21:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Part 1 of 2
When I was fourteen, my father died. I had a lot of older siblings to choose to live with. Me and my little brother (13) chose to live with our brother in Salina, Kansas.
Now, I was semi-okay with the arrangement, except that my older brother had married an older woman who had three daughters our age. (13, 14, & 15) The oldest hated my brother thinking her dad some sort of diety. Therefore, she hated everything about my brother including me and my little brother and made our lives hell. The girl who was my age ensured I had no friends in school since she spread stories about me and my little brother. The youngest daughter was pretty cool till she grew up.
Anyways, the short of it is that she made our lives hell. I constantly had her mother screaming at us in her nails on chalkboard Harpy voice. They accused us of everything from spying on them while they were sunbathing to spying on them while they were dressing. (They lived on the third floor. Not sure how that last one worked.) My little brother was having serious problems in school. We had moved from southern Missouri and he had a very noticeable country accent. The kids in middle school didn't miss a chance to tease him. He also had a way of walking with his arms puffed out that made him look like an irritated rooster. They made fun of him horribly.
My brother and I were fire and ice. I stayed calm and watched. He got pissed exploded. I advised him to go out for wrestling to work off that anger. He wasn't familiar with the rated G wrestling styles that public schools used. After his Suplex and several clotheslines and one very scary scissor around some poor kids neck, he was kicked off the wrestling team. After that, he discovered alcohol. They had a classification for students in Salina. You were either a Hood or a Prep. My brother was a Hood.
What resulted in the year he lived there was a never-ending freight train of fighting. He got in a fight almost every other day. The worst of it happened when got angry some kid who'd wanted to fight him didn't show up after school to fight, and he punched a heckler with glasses. The broken glass nearly scooped out the kids eyes.
Now, on the home front, I was having to cover for him everytime he came in drunk. We lived in an apartment behind my brother's house. Everytime my brother came home from work, I had to push my inebrriated little brother into the loft so big brother wouldn't notice his condition. I would say he was out walking. The stories of the fighting and drinking came back to my sister-in-law via her daughters. They claimed he was embarrassing them, and for once, I couldn't deny it was somewhat embarrassing.
When confronted, he denied, he lied, then they asked me. I shrugged claiming ignorance. They brought the hammer down on him. They let the police pick him up a couple of times when the school called to teach him a lesson then started threatening him with military school. I knew it was an empty threat. My brother was working two shifts just to make his rent and grocery bill for all of us. My little brother did believe it though. He started running away from home, wanting to go back to Missouri.
I don't know what it is about Salina, but we just couldn't get our east, north, south, west down. My little brother ran away three times. The first time, he thought he was headed toward Missouri, and the police picked him up twenty miles outside of town headed for Colorado. The second time he ran away, they found him headed south toward Oklahoma but he was only five miles outside of town. The third time, he tried to hitch-hike and the man who picked him up brought him to the police station instead.
By this point, I was even pissed off. This resulted in us getting into a huge fight in which I ended up squeezing him so hard I made him vomit. When my older brother finally broke it up, I realized I had been the only one on his side. He was now, for intents and purposes, truly alone. He had no parents. He had no friends. His new family despised him, and I had abandoned him, betrayed him, sentenced him to be alone.
He got a paper route. He kept to himself after that. He convinced the neighbors who were his new bosses from the newspaper that he was being abused. They started calling family services on my brother and sister-in-law. My brother had a enough and shipped him off to Memphis to live with a different brother.
Here it started off the same, only that older brother was better equipped to deal with it. My brother calmed down, started working on developing friends. He made some very loyal friends in the nine months he was there and by the time I got shipped off to live with that brother, hundreds of kids were constantly calling or coming by to talk with Hillbilly Willie. Thats what they called him. It was the name he hated from Kansas, but took to heart in Memphis. He learned to play guitar and how box.
I'm considered a powerhouse cause of my size and strength. My little brother was every bit my size, but instead of a doughy stomach like mine, he was corded muscle. The most notable conflict that earned him the most infamy in school was that he was constantly standing up for other kids who were being picked on. He didn't know most of them, but he stood up for them. One of those times, he lost and got jumped by five kids in the hall. Race isn't important, but they beat him bloody.
People live in fear of getting beat up, but my little brother's philosophy was that it won't be the first time he got his ass beat and it isn't going to be the last. Three days later, he tracked down each of the kids that jumped him and caught them in the stairwells one-by-one and showed them why they should fear him. He wasn't a bully. He didn't go looking for trouble . . . usually. By the time I arrived in Memphis, he had a following and it seemed like almost every girl in the school of thousands knew who he was.
Unfortunately, when I arrived, my brother had no choice but to ship him back to Missouri to live with one of our older sisters. He was finally where he wanted to be. He worked hard. He made lots of friends being the kid from Memphis. He had lots of girls who wanted in his pants. The drinking never got any better . . . or worse. He was fine so long as he had coffee, whiskey, and cigarettes. He played guitar. He fought in bars, and by the time I arrived, he was just getting married.
Koyoteelaughter ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 13:21:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Part 2 of 2
I came from Pensacola. My brother had been restationed in the two years since I'd last seen my little brother. He was then transferred to Jacksonville and decided he didn't want to take me along and left me living in my car in Pensacola. I lasted six months living like that before I learned of my little brother's upcoming wedding. I scammed some money for gas and headed for Missouri. I was one year out of highschool.
I arrived one week before my little brother's wedding and realized how much we'd changed. I was fat. He was thin. I was a coward. He was brave. He had friends. I was alone. Evidently, he had been bragging on me as much as I'd been bragging on him in our respective places. I must have been a huge disappointment. I saw the excitement in his eyes vanish when I climbed out of the car. My older brother and sister both had that same vanishing look in their eyes as well.
The cold wind that started blowing when I was fourteen was now colder than it had ever been. My brother got married. I was there watching from the wings. His friends laughed. His new extended family cheered. We threw him in the river for luck (local custom).
I didn't see him again until his son was born. I had one story to tell. I survived another year. He had lots of stories to tell. His new wife had lots of stories to tell. He had surrounded himself with people who loved him. I had surrounded myself with people who refused to admit they were dead--at least on the inside.
The next time I saw him was a week before he moved to Kansas City. My older brother from Kansas had come back to Missouri. He'd just sold his houses up there and was starting a new business in Missouri. He had a pocket full of cash and took great delight in waving the thousands of dollars under my little brother's nose and convincing him he had nothing. Three days later, he moved to Kansas City with his brother-in-law to work declaring he wasn't coming back until he had a fistful of money like our older brother.
I tried to tell him that he was richer. He had what we all wanted. He had family and happiness and I was tired of chasing him around the country. He left. We got phone calls every now and again where he talked about the money he was making. My older brothers told these stories as if my little brother's good fortune reflected on them. I watched from the wings, going through the motions like always. My little brother came back for a visit in the Spring.
He admitted to me he hadn't made any money, and he'd just been telling stories cause thats what he does. If he was going to report anything, might as well report good fortune. He told me he was thinking about moving back. I was actually happy for him and encouraged this.
August 15, he was moving back. He went to get his last paycheck and was in a car wreck. Some young girl who'd just gotten her license hit him and knocked him into oncoming traffic. He died six months shy of his 21st birthday. There was a huge funeral for him. His best friend developed a drinking problem. His wife remarried three weeks later and ran off with their kid to Colorado. My older siblings just shook their head and went their seperate ways.
I had nightmares. I had problems. I realized I had been living through him. When he died, someone killed my host. I often wonder if this is how pumpkins feel when you cut them from their vines. When I was 14, I forgot how to be happy. August 15, I realized it. It took me three years to learn how to smile without being polite as my motivation. It's like that part of us atrophy's when we have to use another to find our reason to smile.
This is the story of Hillbilly Willie, my little brother. It has been twenty years since the day he died, almost twenty-one. I smile regularly. Other than my size and strength, it is what I am most known for. I'm always smiling.
ronton ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 04:13:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to me a few days ago. I was on vacation with my family and I had just gone shopping by myself. On my way back, I took a wrong turn and ended up in a side street. When I realized, I turned around and started heading back to the main road, but I heard insane yelling and crying from a car. I looked in and some guy (I'd say early 20's) was grabbing and hitting his crying girlfriend.
So, I walked up to the car and went to the window, and he opened the door and said "mind your own fuckin business mate" and pushed me a few times into a wall, then got back into his car. So I knocked on the window and he opened it again and I said "I don't want you to do that her" (or something, it's kind of a blur). So he got out, and just started pushing me, kicking me, and punching me, (along with a liberal use of the word "cunt") while I just stood there with my shopping bag in one hand and my other out to keep him from getting too close.
So, he pushed me a bit and kicked me, and we were about 20 feet from the car, when his girlfriend opened the door and I yelled that she should run, which she did. He got mad and punched me in the jaw (my first punch to the face, yay!), then continued to whack me down the street.
I didn't feel any of it really, even the punch (adrenaline is fun) and I didn't want to hit back in case a cop came by (didn't feel like getting arrested). Eventually, we got to the end of the street and I guess he got tired of me saying "calm down sir, sir, calm down" so he stopped. (Actually it's probably because we had reached a big street, now that I think of it).
So he ran away, and I saw someone walking on the street so I went to them to get them to call the cops but they were also a tourist, so unfortunately the guy got away (I didn't get a plate # in all the craziness).
But, that was just a really cool time. I often wonder what I'd do in situations like that and it's comforting to know that I would help her. I really hope she is okay and didn't go back to him, but unfortunately chances are she will, eventually.
TL; DR Saw a guy hurting a girl (I think his girlfriend), let him smack me around while she ran away. Felt pretty cool.
chuckjustice ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:36:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The dude that responded to you about "one shotting" the guy doesn't know what he's talking about. You did exactly the right thing drawing attention to yourself so the girl could get away, fighting back wouldn't have really made much difference past that. You should be proud.
Go to the doctor and get checked out though. You could've taken damage you're not aware of
ronton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:22:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks a lot!! Yeah it's been a few days so I'm aware of my injuries now, it's just a few bumps and bruises nothing serious. Thanks though.
[deleted] ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 07:19:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ronton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha ok man.
[deleted] ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 02:51:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My town held a candlelight vigil to protest me. It was like 200+ people.
bearcat888 ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 03:02:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
More details please. Protest you for what?
mmzznnxx ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 06:49:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For being a shit who withholds pertinent information and tells stories badly is my guess.
trouble_tree ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:45:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This appears to be the event in question.
The article states that the vigil was "to demonstrate unity and diversity in the community", after some Jewish families filed a lawsuit against the school district for failure to react to anti-Semitic harassment in its schools.
A gathering like that can often be more defensive in mood than the article portrays. It doesn't appear to be a case of actively protesting an individual(s), but I'm sure it felt like a slap to students/families who were trying to fight what sounds like very legitimate harassment.
bearcat888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So where is OP in all this?
another_programmer ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:33:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
since OP hasn't delivered I'm just going to assume they were drunk speeding through a child and puppy park
bearcat888 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:59:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
or something worse
LadyJ26 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:15:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I could be wrong, but I looked at his post history and he said that he sued his school. It caused quite the ruckus and made a lot of people turn against him, so I think that's why maybe? They never elaborated as to why the sued.
bearcat888 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:58:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he'll come back and tell us unless he can't talk about it.
LadyJ26 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:30:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got the feeling maybe he didn't want to or couldn't talk about it. If the case is still in progress he may have to keep quiet about it.
skittles543 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP please
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:57:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, this one definitely needs to be elaborated on.
ThisFreaknGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:51:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have seen fortune cookies with more detail!! Please tell!!!
vaud ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:24:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty passive/aggressive protest.
nolan879 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Must know
321HelicopterDick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why?
iplaysthedrums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Share pleasr.
hazier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaand he's gone.
i_do_floss ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 03:14:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My parents have a half-bath downstairs. It's just a toilet and a sink. There are no windows.
So one day I was peeing into the toilet. Then the power went out and it was pitch black. I froze and kept peeing, listening to the sound of the pee hitting the water. It didn't stop for a second. Then the power came back on, and I was actually peeing into the trash bin. Huh. But it wasn't a problem because I just took out the trash.
ifmydongwasbigger ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:49:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love a happy ending.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:18:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For a moment I thought that when the light came back on you'd have perfectly peed on the toilet without a single spill.
Slightly disappointed, though I still laughed.
justcallmepunkin ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:17:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Last year some time I was in a book store, and this guy came up to me. He started commenting on the books I was picking up, trying to flatter me, and talking about how he was working on homework for school (at the little cafe). It seems like innocent stuff, but it felt very intrusive and I was 15 or 16 at the time. Plus, I'm not the kind of person that gets hit on, so I wasn't sure what to do. I basically just smiled at him politely and went about my business.
"You don't have to ignore me, I'm just trying to be nice."
Now I'm getting uncomfortable. He asks me who I'm with, and I tell him I'm with my boyfriend. He doesn't believe me (obviously). Then I just leave the section I was looking at and walk away, but he starts to follow me. I'm freaking out because no one else was in this corner of the store, and I thought he was going to corner me when I circled around a bookshelf, and an older couple was standing at the section that I was at before. Then the guy decides to leave me alone. It really freaked me out, so I just left the bookstore, and then felt anxious walking around the mall after that.
Moral of the story: Boys, don't follow a girl around a store. Girls, don't play the boyfriend card. Play the dad card.
Mad_Lumberjack ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:22:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friends sister (who is bangin' hot and has nice boobies) gave me her old phone because mine broke. I look at the pictures and there are tons of topless pictures of her.. I'm horrible.
BeatnikThespian ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 10:20:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, she either did that on purpose or she's an idiot. Either way you should pm a few to me.
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're just taking advantage of a... nice situation. Not horrible.
abaloney ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:46:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I met a girl while on a road trip to the Grand Canyon and we began a long-distance relationship (we lived 300 miles apart). Very shortly into our relationship she invited me to Las Vegas for the weekend. A couple crazy things happened that weekend.
First, she picked me up at the Ontario airport. On the way out of the parking lot I remembered I left my sunglasses in my luggage that was now in the trunk. She stopped the car in the middle of the lot and I hopped out with the keys, opened the trunk and got my shades out of my bag. I slammed the trunk as I realized that I left the keys inside. Fuck! It was an older car and there was no interior release. I caused a minor traffic jam until a locksmith could get there an hour and a half later. Not a great way to start the trip.
We make it to Vegas and meet up with another couple who are friends of hers. They had invited us to share their room and after a fun night on the strip we stumbled into the hotel room and crashed. I was slowly waking up in the morning but hadn't actually opened my eyes. My head was foggy and I didn't remember my current whereabouts. Thinking I was at home in my own bed, I proceeded to loudly fart for approximately 20 minutes. I let them rip long and loud. Eventually I felt awake enough to open my eyes and thats when I remembered where I was. The room stunk of my beer farts and as I silently lay there I realized that the other three people in the room were lying awake listening to my horrible flatulence. Eventually we all got up, but it was never spoke of even though we all knew what a stinky bastard I was. Surprisingly, she didn't hold it against me and the other couple became good friends for the duration of our relationship. I wonder if they ever tell that story about me polluting the hotel room they so generously allowed me to share.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:31:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
haha that last bit is classic. How long did you two see each other for?
abaloney ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:44:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
4 years, my friends still laugh about that story often.
Danyheman ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 11:26:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 20 I had a full time job and had just bought my first car, a Honda Civic CRX SI. It was a decent ride for me at the time. I had a buddy who installed stereos, and he came with me and I bought a deck, and amp and 2-12" subs. So one day my dad tells me to drive my sister to a friends house across town to her friend's house (sister is 8 years younger than me) and after that I had to work. My sister being much younger brought a Disney CD for me to play on the way, so I played it. After I drop her off, I didn't think about it and kept playing the CD. A few minutes later I'm blaring "Under the Sea" from the Little Mermaid at a red light when I feel a HUGE rumbling, and all of a sudden I'm surrounded by Hells Angels. I get a little nervous but just keep looking ahead, you know, "don't make eye contact". Then this big dude leans over and asks me to turn the music down a little. So I did. Then he asks me if I have "Can't wait to be King" from the Lion King. I say I do so he asks me to play it and turn it up really loud. So I oblige, the light turns green and I'm driving down a busy city street surrounded by Hells Angels blaring "Can't Wait to King", and as luck would have it song finishes seconds before I have to turn into work. Co-workers see Hells Angels speed away from me and me turn in. Best story of my life and I don't get to tell it often!!
youngandstarving ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:52:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a party, and this girl was sitting on the couch when all of a sudden she said "I smell weed!" She started sniffing all around the basement until she found this little door and says that there is weed inside, but she couldn't get the door open. So she keeps searching around the basement more and finds a doorknob that opens the door. When she opened that door it felt like I was in a cartoon where someone found buried treasure, because she was in a dark corner and these bright lights shone out on her. It was a room with a bunch of weed growing, and the girl who's house it was just casually said "yeah, that's my uncle's"
Comatose_NY ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was this girl by any chance a drug dog?
[deleted] ยท 331 points ยท Posted at 00:55:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
dominodan123 ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 01:14:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How fast were you going over the limit?
[deleted] ยท 84 points ยท Posted at 01:25:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
isactuallyspiderman ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 01:33:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, you got a ticket and then thanked the officer? Oh, you're so innocent.
[deleted] ยท 148 points ยท Posted at 01:44:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Earths_Mortician ยท 229 points ยท Posted at 03:13:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stop resisting
[deleted] ยท 126 points ยท Posted at 03:33:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:03:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Magazine, not clip. Sorry, /r/guns member.
caseyuer ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:18:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Also, crack not cocaine.
Dave Chappelle fan.
AbanoMex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:13 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fetus-P is a DOOM player, so let him be.
f41lurizer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:22:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You just wont the internet
artvandal7 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:56:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
Tote_Sport ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 03:27:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Spread your buttcheeks and lift your sack!
OscillatingHeater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh! Mr. Chappelle! why didnt you spread your cheeks to begin with?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sprinkle some crack on him and lets leave jimmy, this is an open and shut case
Ass-assin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going in dry.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
pow pow
Xetanees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well his looks can kill.
So he should close his eyes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Stop choking yourself"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
AM I BEING DETAINED?!
Eliwood_of_Pherae ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:38:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The trick is to act white.
jtroye32 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:20:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"I'm sorry officer, I.. didn't know I couldn't do that."
masheduppotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:56 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Try having an obviously Islamic last name and being brown. Suddenly there's 4 cop cars around you to tell you that one of your head lights is out...
throwmeawaylikealway ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:21:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just got an MIP (currently 19, an MIP is a minor-in-possession when you're caught drinking underage) a few months back. While they were writing me the ticket - I'd be drinking in a public setting so it was pretty bad - I was pretty quiet. Went through the procedure really obediently outside of the building and the officer thanked me for being so cooperative. I told him, sincerely, that I understood it was his job and I appreciated that they were looking out for me. Granted I was buzzed so I was a little teary-eyed as I told him how disappointed my parents would be, but he said he liked my attitude so much he got me out of the ticket anyway. Sometimes being nice pays off.
isactuallyspiderman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you ever actually see the ticket with the writing? I know where you're coming from, I have also gotten out of teenage shenanigans by being very cooperative, but usually after the ticket is written they don't take it back. I just thought it was funny that OP thanked them for how awesome the police are right as he's walking away, it just doesn't fit the situation and seems like an immature thing to do.
throwmeawaylikealway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I have the ticket. I had to go through a process to get it taken away but he spoke with the courts and they wiped it off.
runninger ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:44:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know, right? Ha, well I know that they do more than just pull people over for speeding; they're also the ones who help protect people. If I was being robbed and held at gunpoint, I'd be dying to see a cop come through the door to save me. He was just doing his job; it wasn't like he pulled me over for going a couple MPH over.
shypster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hopefully you wouldn't be dying, mate.
Jertoc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:53:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously canadian
techie825 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 20 and I got out of a ticket by apologizing profusely to the officer about breaking the law. I then proceeded to thank him for pulling me over and keeping the roads safe. I also told him I'd totally understand if he issued me a ticket, and that I fully deserved it.
machado7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha so white
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In a 5 lane? That's 3x over the speed limit son.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, why?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:14:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:25:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ScipioAfricanvs ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:17:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's where they get you, grasshopper. Speed trap central.
seaslug1 ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 01:58:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that's a lie. You are going to speed again for sure.
esteemz ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:06:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He means he won't be speeding as much
OhHowDroll ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:41:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He means he hopes piggy can run.
revves engine
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:49:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
seaslug1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Im 5 years into my driving career and haven't gotten a ticket yet. (knock on wood). It's something that is going to happen eventually but like you said if you speed smartly everything will be ok. and yes being white helps too.
fretsurfer12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I got pulled over twice for 9 over in the span of a few months (64 in a 55 and 69 in a 60). Both warnings and one was past my legal curfew at the time. I'm more careful with my speed now
TheGuyWhoDoesThings ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:12:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that's honestly so dumb... Traffic is always going at least 60 in 55, so that surprises me that you got pulled over. How fast was most traffic going?
fretsurfer12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The first time was a bit past midnight so I was traffic.... The 2nd time, traffic was going about 63-65
seaslug1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
More careful but probably still speed a little. I speed all of the time, but if you keep it around 5 over you won't get pulled over. I live in Texas so it may be different.
fretsurfer12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:57:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Texas for me too. I'm always going a bit over unless I'm behind grandma
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:34:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Asdayasman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, I never do this, but why is this guy being downvoted?
isactuallyspiderman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because speeding tickets are a way for the city to make a revenue, not to actually increase safety. Studies have shown city planners will usual aim for around 10 MPH under what somebody would normally feel safe driving on said road.
Asdayasman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:48:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Or perhaps because most people are idiots, and dropping the speed limit by 10mph stops them thinking 10mph above what it was before is ok.
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well think of interstate highways. The vast majority of those roads are designed with steady traffic with speed limits of 90 mph in mind. There are few areas where this is NOT the case. But states all tend to keep speed limits at 70 or under. Speed limits should really be set at near the maximum that most anyone would feel comfortable and in control. Said speed limits would be hard limits though. Not any of this letting you go for 5 over. They should be "never to exceed" speeds.
kickingturkies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can you provide these studies?
Hoobacious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps because it's obvious advice, even though people don't adhere to it. Everyone knows that speeding isn't worth the risk and it's not like the original commenter will have an epiphany over being told it's inherently dangerous.
Maybe it's like telling a smoker that cigarettes will give them cancer or telling an overweight person that they are going to die younger if they don't improve their fitness. It's straight up truth but people don't like hearing things they do are irrational or reckless - perhaps the small sample of people that downvoted speed themselves.
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. I drive 25 miles to work every day on the interstate. There are several cars that go at least 10-15 mph over in the same direction every day. they blast past me. but I stay a constant and steady pace within reason of the speedlimit and more often than not, I catch up to those cars at the first red light off of the interstate. It never works out for them, but they continue to speed heavily every day.
ImmaCountryBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My first speeding ticket was 95 in a 60 with two warnings before that, you are a damn good kid compared to me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I still speed, but only in certain cases. I'm not going to fly through town or anything, but if I see a stretch of open road I'll get on the gas a bit.
Sochitelya ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:56:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got my first (and so far only) speeding ticket at 19. I was caught going 130 in an 80 (km), and it ended up costing me $450, partly because my dad encouraged me to fight it and then forgot to tell me that I had a second hearing scheduled after the first. Now I just obey the speed limit.
arb0reo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I almost got pulled over yesterday.
I was driving on a street that was a 50k zone, except this street is so wide, open (save for the bushes in the median strip) and steep, it really should be a 70k zone.
So I'm doing probably close to 70, so is the guy in front, I get over the hill and a cop has jumped out on to the road with his hand held speed gun, he pulls the other guy over, not me.
I freak out and slow down, wondering what's happening, then I come to my senses, realising I'm only doing 30, I decide not to stick around to ask if he wants to pull me over too, got back up to 50 and drove off.
So lucky.
RepairmanSki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just going to mention, because I was once young too, that it's not the lane of travel alone that dictates the acceptable speed.
You have to factor in ingress, egress, topology, etc. to determine safe road speed. Consider that an otherwise "premium" road my have direct access to driveways and the like and it can become exceedingly problematic for the limit to be set high.
arb0reo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I understand that, but the thing is that it's not built up at all, it's in the middle of nowhere, there's no houses on the street, or any buildings at all for that matter, all the exits have turning lanes and there's minimal traffic anyway. There's not much to suggest that an increased speed limit would cause much more risk.
RepairmanSki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:17 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps it's simply a city/township/county/hamlet/burg ordinance specifying a maximum speed within their governing limits.
I tend to look at some of these things as risk v. reward. Let's say the section of road you are referring to was 10km. at your speed, without traffic lights, stop signs, etc. that is 8.6 minutes travel time. At the posted speed limit it's 12 min flat.
Supposing that this section is a leg in some longer journey, of which there are numerous turns, signals and the like; is the 3.4 minutes "saved" really worth it?
Only you can say whether going 40% over the posted limit is worth it, but for me, most times the answer is no.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I got pulled over my mom drove past me while I was on the side of the road. Thankfully she laughed about it.
supermaor23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So he gave you a ticket, then you shook his hand?
You done goofed OP
pandamonium1997 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, every ticket sucks. But I kinda had a similar experience. Almost a year ago when I was 16, I had been driving for a year and a half easily(I love South Dakota for the driving age), I was at a party. Leaving the party at around 11:00 I wasn't really paying attention and I hit another person's car. We were kinda friends but really only because we want to school together. It was super awkward waiting for a cop and my parents who were pissed they had to drive out and deal with me. Both parents were angry and said I couldn't drive for a week. I wasn't upset over the not driving because I really didn't want to drive. Anyway I forgot where I was going with this so have a nice night.
seg-fault ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Well you kind of disproved that by speeding...
Own up to it and move on with your life. One speeding ticket is just going to fuck up your insurance rates for a bit, not ruin your future.
You're not necessarily a terrible person if you go over a speed limit. Just don't do it if anywhere that may have pedestrians - especially residential areas and cities. If you're on a highway, conditions are good, and you're not being aggressive/weaving, I personally wouldn't hold it against someone for going 80 if the car can handle it.
That being said, at 17 you're still really inexperienced despite what you might think. There's a lot to learn about driving, and it's not just controlling your own vehicle. A lot of it is predicting what other people will do next and being prepared for the possibilities.
LarrysMod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to hear this police rap
_I_I_I_I_I_I_I_I_I_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
jesus man you got a speeding ticket, you didn't run over an old lady crossing the street, go rob a convenience store before you're locked into a state of perpetual naivete
lolmylife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Call the courthouse in your county and ask for court supervision papers. It will be wiped from your record if you can not get any tickets in a year but I think you have to pay some $.
SomeoneUkno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This could work to your advantage, if you're willing to do the work. (someone correct me if I'm wrong). My assumption is that this officer liked you. You were young and a made a mistake, he shook your hand at the end of it. So, if you were to go to the court hearing, chances are, the officer won't show up because he doesn't expect you to plead not guilty. So you plead not guilty, and if he's not there to contest it, all charges dropped. Am I right?
this_makes_no_sense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's good of you. Cops get a bad rap but I've seen enough idiots speeding through lights and crashing, or they don't use turn signals. I've been pulled over once but didn't get a ticket and then I've gotten a ticket once (that I DID have to pay cause I was too scared to try to talk to the cop, I just didn't want him to be mad at me). All you can do is learn from it and realize that you're driving a heavy piece of metal that can go from transport into weapon easily.
MrSchmennedy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Something I have learned and you should take it to heart. Try to leave 5 minutes before you need to for short trips. If you have cruise control pop on at 5 over and let everyone go past. I haven't had a speeding ticket in 10 years. As the officer told me "9 you're fine 10 your ass is mine" talking about how many MPH you are over. always remember this and you will pay a ton less in insurance down the road.
Side note, a taxi is always cheaper than a lawyer ($2000.00) for a DWI
kosif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just gotta remember man, the ticket and the resulting insurance increase isn't worth getting to wherever you're going 30 seconds faster. ESPECIALLY in school zones and neighborhoods.
RICOVILLS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Asshole lol
LovesChristmas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever you do, don't get a pizza delivery job. I used to be just like you. Pizza delivery teaches you to be an aggressive driver.
whoweoncewere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds better than my first ticket.
siamthailand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like he was filling his quota.
msp95713 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I know how that is. I had never even gotten a parking ticket and then I got arrested for DUI. After I took a breathalyzer and blew .00.
I was the designated driver for my friends and had just picked up one of them from downtown when I saw blue lights in my rear view mirror. I pull over and ask the officer what the problem is, and he begins to ask if I've been drinking. I say no, and he asks me to step out of the vehicle. I oblige and pass the sobriety tests and a pre-arrest breathalyzer.
The officer then places me in handcuffs and asks if I agree to a blood breath and urine analysis at the station. When I ask on what grounds he says "You're on something." Seriously??
As a casual marijuana user and knowing that a urine test would show positive for metabolites, I refused the test and had to spend the night in jail. I've since been to court and am dealing with 1 yr probation.
I live in the south so marijuana tolerance is at a minimum and even though I wasn't driving high if the test had even shown that I had ever used marijuana I would have been charged with possession by consumption and would have been at risk of losing college scholarships.
JollyCyclist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I see your 15 over and raise you 27 over and no ticket. Well, not for speeding anyway. I was on a delivery one night, running late, sometime around 12am on a commercial street rated for 35. It was a crisp night and I was having a bit of fun since I was late anyway. I came over a hill and saw the headlights sitting in a turn lane that goes nowhere, I knew I was screwed. Slowed way down but I knew it was too late, he pulled out behind me and pulled me over. The usual convo ensued, he asked me how fast I thought I was going, I said I saw 55 on the way down, he said 62. Gave him my license and insurance card, he told me my insurance card was expired. I still have the same carrier, but the card expired the week before. He went to his car, ran my license and insurance and came back with only a $10 insurance ticket and a warning for the speed! Bonus: I still made the delivery on time. tl;dr: Some cops can be nice, especially when you deliver pizza.
doctormisterjohn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's just a speeding ticket. Your life is not ruined. Get yourself together.
[deleted] ยท -25 points ยท Posted at 01:36:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
runninger ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:45:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You didn't have to read it.
I wouldn't say dying to tell, but it's one of those things where it feels better to talk about it than overthink the whole thing.
aazav ยท -14 points ยท Posted at 01:17:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't admit anything.
Don't post any more about it.
Just in case.
Cupcake-Warrior ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:33:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah because the local police department will dig deep and find his reddit account to prove he was indeed going 15 mph over the limit.
spanky8898 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:00:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No because it's a shitty story.
ragestar23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No need to be so paranoid over a speeding ticket.
TheyCallMeDrunkNemo ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 03:08:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As a 19 year old that had had 5 tickets already, as long as you're respectful you'll end up okay. After each ticket I called the district attorney and asked to get it reduced. All of them were also dropped from insurance as well, which is the most important thing. It'll be fine man.
sweet_chin_music ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How do you keep getting tickets? I'm 24 and the only speeding ticket I've had was when I was 16. I've gotten them for tint and no front plate but that's a different story.
TheyCallMeDrunkNemo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
1-80 in a 70 2-40 in a 25 3-70 in a 55 4-40 in a 25 (I didn't know it was a school zone.) 5-100 in a 55 (That one took knowing a guy that was in real close to the judge.)
I've made bad life decisions.
QualityPrunes ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:50:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
19 years old with five speeding tickets! You need to slow your ass down.
TheyCallMeDrunkNemo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've really gotten a lot better about it, thankfully.
evanman69 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:50:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in 1997, I witnessed a guy dressed as a clown fighting a naked midget at a party. I remember these two bastards was drunk, fighting over some Juggalo lookin' bitch, swearing at each othef and such. Well, I was there for a whole 10 minutes watching these two fuckers beat each other senseless. Nude midget kicks the clown guy in the balls. Clown goes down, midget pisses on him.
BeatnikThespian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:14:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The 90's were a weird decade for all of us.
brett96 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:07:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Most recent was last week. It's not really a story I'm dying to tell but it is an interesting one. It's also one of the more interesting things that's happened to me recently.
So last week was my Senior Prom. I had plans to go on a party bus to Prom with 80 people total. Prom started at 7:30 and we left at 6:30 so we could get there a little early. At 8:00, the bus stops and we get off, expecting to be at prom, but we're not. The bus driver told us he took a detour to get us there faster but ended up getting lost and went into this neighborhood which was 10 miles away from prom. Now we were stuck at a dead end and the double party bus was too big to be able to turn around, but the driver still tried to turn around and got even more stuck.
So the driver suggests he call in another bus from the company HQ to come pick us up, which would take roughly another hour. None of us were willing to wait that long and tell him to call the place prom was being held at and have them send over one of the empty party busses. He does this and they send one over, but neglected to say that we had 80 people on our bus. So the person on the other end assumed we had a single bus and sent us a single bus that can only hold 40 people. When it arrives, the driver of the single bus said that there's not enough gas to make two round trips to and back from where we are to prom and still be able to take the original group back from prom, so the driver crammed 80 people in a 40 person bus, which was not only illegal and very dangerous, but extremely uncomfortable.
We finally get to prom a little before 9, making us around an hour and a half late, all because of an incompetent bus driver.
After prom, we had to take the same 40 person bus 10 miles back to our original bus, which somehow managed to get unstuck. When we got back we decided to hit up IHOP at 2 in the morning. At the time they were short staffed so it took them over 2 hours to make the roughly 150 pancakes we ordered. All in all it was probably one of the most memorable nights I've had.
ekkstra ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:34:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just found out my great great grandfather's occupation and origin. Born in 1817 was a wine-maker in Eastern France and moved to Switzerland in 1870. Which is the farthest I've learned of either side of my family has gone.
Pretty awesome to me.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:29:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the story which resulted in a "customers only" policy on the bathrooms of the coffeeshop where my wife worked.
The shop was really busy, and one evening on the weekend there as a lot going on. The area of town had a mall and a concert hall, but also a really high density of homeless people.
So, they're doing business as normal, when suddenly a customer comes up to the counter and says that he needs to use the restroom and it's been occupied for like 20 minutes. My wife tells him that there's not much they can do.
A few minutes later, same customer comes up and says that he can hear a male AND female voice in the restroom, and it sounds like they're having sex or something. My wife, pretty hardened to bullshit at this point and after how long she's worked there, heads over to the bathroom and pounds on the door. No answer.
She can hear some kind of scuffling and moaning coming from inside the bathroom. She pounds a few more times and tells them that if they don't come out she's going to open the door. Still no response. My wife pulls out her keychain, turns the lock, and opens a portal to hell.
Inside the bathroom are two people. One is a tiny woman, probably no more than five foot and 80 pounds wet. The other is a giant man, at least six foot and 400 pounds. Both of them are dirty and naked, their ragged and soiled clothing on the ground.
The man is bent over the sink with his pants down, and the woman has her arm up the guy's rectum past her elbow. Or at least, that's how it looked to my wife. The man was moaning and pounding the sink while the woman was making some kind of sobbing noises.
After getting over her initial horror, my wife looked around and noticed: Shit everywhere. Literally everywhere. Walls, floor, mirror, sink, garbage, everywhere. Insane amount of it.
Suddenly, the woman whipped her hand out of the guy's ass, another handful of shit clutched victoriously, and she threw it over at the wall. It exploded all over the place, and the woman goes back for more.
They never even noticed my wife and the small crowd standing there.
Needless to day, my wife slammed the door and called the cops. One employee quit that night so he wouldn't have to clean the mess.
tl;dr wife busted in on a tiny woman using a massive man as a human sock puppet.
-zombie-squirrel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:40:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is horrifying. Your poor wife!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:35:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That poor sock puppet!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. As I recall, she got pretty drunk that night. ;p
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:39:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, I just skipped to the end and was like, 'What the fuck?'. I'd quit too. I would NOT clean that.
RiverSong2123 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:23:46 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I am the female version of good guy boss. I am really an awesome boss. I have tons of stories but this one sticks out.
Me: hi there what can I get for you?
Bitch: just a car wash.
Me: the works?
Bitch: sure, yah
-I ring her up, noticing she had one of our 'on account' cards some companies have only good our chains.
Me: All set
Bitch: okay. Oh what are the differences between the three tiers and which one did I get?
Employee: Well it looks like.....
Bitch: interrupting excuse me, I was asking her and calls him an unspeakable racist slur
Me: ma'am, he knows more than I do about the car wash, he is better suited to answer your car wash questions
Me- all right, here is your receipt showing your purchase, this is your receipt showing the void. I am refusing service.
Bitch- Well, I need a car wash.
Me- There is other chain down the road
Bitch- it has to be this chain, where is your closest one
Me- names city over two hours away
Bitch- that's not going to work for me
Me- well, I am well within my rights to refuse service, now if you would like to apologize and ask very nicely to my employee he may just serve you, if he decides to refuse then I will support his decision.
TL;DR- made a racist customer apologize before she would be served.
Im-That-Dude ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 03:17:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking to class in school and I was late and everyone was in class already. No idea how it happened but an empanada falls from the sky and his me in the head. I looked around and nobody was there who could have done it or see it. What the fuck.
iplaysthedrums ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:57:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Laughed so hard i farted. Usually i just exhale sharply out my nose. Thanks%
Im-That-Dude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:05:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glad my misfortune helped you. The worst part was it rolled down my back and left a huge stain on my fresh white t-shirt.
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:58:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is why my SO doesn't let me wear white T-shirts.
But they're SO COMFORTABLE.
Dat cotton
ricksmorty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your S.O. doesn't let you wear white t-shirts out of fear of randomly falling empanadas? Are white t-shirts more comfortable than black, or blue?
<Try the gap. They still have brush cotton tees for men and women. I love it. It's so hard to find without a five hundred dollar designer tag attached these days.)
Deson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:39:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just waiting for someone to post a story about how they lost an Empanada while eating lunch at the top of a building.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:25:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
El Misterio de la Empanada Voladora.
Una novela inquietante que te mantendra al borde de tu asiento. No dejes de leerla!
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is so much funnier to me than it should be.. I can't stop laughing
Zacoftheaxes ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:24:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I (briefly) told this in another thread but no one saw it.
I moved back into college, new roommate, new wonderful girlfriend, bunch of my friends transferred in. Great start to my Junior year. The only problem is that my floor is filled with a bunch of loud, drunken douchebags. Literally every weekend these guys are up until 4 or 5 in the morning making loud noises, groping women, and being obviously drunk.
So one weekend, my roommate is back out to his home about an hour and a half away from campus, spending time with his family. I decide I'll have my girlfriend spend the night. I also accidentally leave my door unlocked.
I wake up to the sound of running water and see someone standing by my roommate's bed. At first I assume it's just my roommate back early and pouring himself a cup of water. Then I remember he won't be back until tomorrow evening and notice this man is way too tall to be my roommate. I also notice he isn't pouring a drink, but pissing all over my roommate's bed. I walk over to him (I don't dare look down) and aks him what he's doing.
"I'm almost done"
"What, who are you?"
"I live here"
"..."
I end up forcibly shoving him out of my dorm. I investigate my roommate's bed. It's soaked and he peed all over the books my roommate left on the bed (which he rented). I call in campus security and they help take care of the mess.
I walk my girlfriend to her dorm, security takes care of everything, and by the time I go to bed they've caught the guy and he claims to have been sleepwalking. His friends told me he was drunk and that was his cover. He paid for the books and sheets he ruined. I moved to a different building three weeks later.
OrderChaos ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:17:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At least the guy paid for the stuff he ruined. Too often in these stories people are just dicks and dint take responsibility.
lattea ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:11:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As I was serving a female customer a 6 inch sandwich at work, the customer says, "That is definitely a 5 inch, I know what a 6 inch looks like." .... Well damn girl, okay.
confusedmail ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:39:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time, I took a massive shit in the public library and watched in horror as the water started to rise out of the toilet. At that point, I didn't know what to do, so I shut the door and ran out of the bathroom, then proceeded to hide behind some reference bookshelves for three hours until I knew it was safe to leave.
In retrospect, that was a fucking ridiculous reaction.
Setari ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:26:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I probably would have just left.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:35:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Happened in 5th grade: My old friend lived in a very shitty house. Picture a broken down trailer, and make that into a 3 bedroom apartment in the suburbs. His dad died a few years earlier from a heart attack in his sleep, and his mother was grouchy and what I can only picture as being depressed. One day our class was told by our teacher that his mother died of a heart attack in her sleep, and he moved away to his Uncle's. I never saw him again.
NattieLight ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:49:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aw man, this is probably going to get buried, but the absurdity of this situation just fully hit me a couple days ago and I've been wishing for a venue to share it.
A few weeks ago I went to visit my brother and I ended up getting really high with the son of the US ambassador to Fiji and laying on the couch for 45 minutes while he showed me a four part YouTube series of himself eating different kinds of dog biscuits.
The subtleties that made it weirder were that he actually filmed himself eating all the dog biscuits several years prior, so it wasn't exactly timely. He was just really excited about it. And he kept saying things like "Oh, this part is really good, watch this..." and doing that thing where he would say the next "line" in the video a second before he said it on-screen.
Jim, you're weird as fuck, but kind of awesome.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dude, I have got to see these videos.
NattieLight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just looked for them for quite a while but found nothing (aside from a lot of other people eating dog treats on YouTube). It was in four parts, each about ten minutes, and he had linked them on a now-archived Something Awful thread.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:28:57 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bummer, that would have been awesome to see. Lemme know if you happen to find it.
IdeoPraxist ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:59:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had the awful responsibility of cleaning up the administrative mess of a high-rise condominium. Crime, mismanagement, fights, my home became a small war zone. People were desperate for leadership and they turned to me. They heard I ran a company, did management stuff, so I reluctantly volunteered to fix things.
In some instances, I know it was my leadership that solved some problems. In other instances, either there was someone helping me in the background or I was extremely lucky.
One evening I was cleaning up the glass from a vandalized window. A young fellow came in the door and asked what happened. I was tired, burned out, so I gave him a small story of my problems of trying to deal with the crime and losing the battle. He confessed that his two roommates stole a bench (used by the elderly in our building) from the first floor (we had to nail down all our furniture and stuff still went missing). The roommates proudly displayed it on their balcony. Our confessor was going to move out soon since he hated his roommates, and as long as we didn't rat him out, he would let us in his apartment to recover missing furniture. We evicted the roommates, no more missing furniture.
The other instance was a really mean couple that had a 30 year-old camper rotting in one of our parking spots. The rust was so bad it left a thick coat of rust around the vehicle and a diarrhea stream to the storm sewers. They refused to dispose of the camper, and administratively, I couldn't do much. There were screaming matches around the office, not only from the mean couple but from angry residents who wanted the camper gone. A few weeks later, the camper was gone. I received more screaming from the couple demanding to know where their camper went. I had no clue. A few hours later they found the camper next door behind the church, torn apart from the inside. Someone had taken a crowbar to it and tore out all the doors, appliances, everything. I had the pleasure of walking over and seeing the damage. It was undriveable and towed away as scrap. After eight months, my condo building was running smoothly. Crime diminished, residents were happier, and I brought in a better property manager. I developed a good reputation for fixing big problems.
I became president again 10 years later and cleaning up new messes. The mean couple still thinks I had something to do with the destruction of their camper, and they talk crap behind my back. Doesn't matter, they know not to mess with me or other things might get wrecked. (I am completely innocent)
BeatnikThespian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:44:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would totally read a novel of vignettes about your time working there. What other stories do you have?
IdeoPraxist ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:10:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There are many small stories, most of which I am not dying to tell. The situation 10 years ago was certainly interesting.
Regarding the vandalism, we knew who was breaking windows in the building. We went into panic mode when the power grid went down across the eastern United States and Canada. Expecting to not have power for a week and vandalism to skyrocket, our community rallied to help one another and to mitigate potential damage from our less desirable neighbors. At night, most of our emergency lights failed since we didn't maintain them. Our board of directors, myself, and a few volunteers patrolled the premises with flashlights and helped residents find their condos in the dark. Our vandal came home drunk that evening, and with utmost courtesy and a dozen flashlights, we gang-guided him into his condo. We posted two people down the hallway to watch his condo. They turned on the flashlights when he wanted to skulk about. Knowing that he was being watched, he ranted a few times, and finally stayed in his condo. Luckily, the power was restored 18 hours later.
A strange community-bonding experience for us. We were proud of our โgangingโ on the vandal, sending him the message that we knew he was the troublemaker and he was being watched closely. Eventually, the vandalism stopped when he was arrested for breaking and entering and his family was forced to move away.
CowardAndAThief ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:25:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a bit long for a reply, so here's the post I made about it a while ago when I was feeling nostalgic.
Summary: I lead a group of kids against strict teachers, then fought off a rebellion, all in Elementary School.
My writing isn't great but I get the story across fine. I would love for some people to hear it, but I haven't seen any threads that would make the story relevant, so I guess this is a good chance.
anu26 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:15:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
lord of the flies?
EpicGuard ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:45:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a little too much to drink out at the bar and I was getting 86'd. Some mouthy customer at the bar had a crush on the bartender so he tried to fight me about it when I told her I had to take a leak first and then I'd leave. I told him to fuck off and went into the bathroom and started pissing in the urinal. Next thing I know there's an angry voice outside the bathroom telling me to come out and leave the bar. The door to the bathroom was around a corner and I couldn't see who was yelling at me, so I assumed it was the fucking hero from a minute before. I yelled "fuck off" and was about to finish up when I get blindsided out of nowhere. Turns out it was a cop who had been doing foot patrol down the different bars and the bartender had stopped him to kick me out. He didn't bother to identify himself or anything. Just yelled at me to get out from where I couldn't see him. Then came around the corner and up behind me...I didn't even get a peek at him since I was looking down at the pisser. He sucker punched me in the side of the head and tried to take me down with my dick still out. Made me piss all over my pants and we both hit the ground. I still thought it was the damn asshole from earlier so I started throwing elbows and shit. Got him a good one in the nose before I even figured out he was a cop...and we rolled on the ground for a second and when I rolled off him and got up I was already hitting him with the last bit of my piss stream when I finally got a look at who the fuck just attacked me. He was not happy. He stood up and grabbed me by the neck and slammed me into a little divider wall that kept the toilets out of view of the entrance and I was pretty pissed that he just assaulted me, so I grabbed him and took him with me. We busted that fucking thing right off the wall and landed on top of it, traded a few punches and started into eachother. I stopped when his lady partner came in and started grabbing at me, I really didn't want to fight the cops that night I was only defending myself from an assault from nobody important and it went downhill from there. I let them cuff me and I stopped fighting all together, but the fucker was so pissed that I actually defended myself that he kept doing shit like slapping me around the head and twisting and pulling my arms and shit while they walked me out. I ended up not getting in trouble because the fucker didn't even identify himself while he yelled at me from where I couldn't see him. And the additional abuse once I let them cuff me pretty much guaranteed that I was off the hook since there were a ton of witnesses once the fucking bathroom started getting smashed up and people started coming to see. I demanded to speak to his Sgt and told him why I was "assaulting police officers", when his partner admitted to the Sgt that she hadn't heard him say "Police" it was like fucking Christmas morning. I hope she did it because she knew it was the right thing to do, but it was most likely because there were a ton of people who could have heard the whole thing. I told them if I even had to see a judge about it the lawsuit would reflect my anger, so they just hauled me in and made me sleep it off in the drunk tank and called my mom to pick me up in the morning. All in all, it was pretty a pretty shitty situation. I'd been a Security Guard for about 5 years at that point...I never would have even told the cops to fuck off, let alone start a brawl with them if they'd just identified themselves. But you can't take it back once you start throwing elbows at an unknown attacker. And the cops aren't too keen on giving you a chance to anyway, once they take one to the nose and get pissed on. I wish more people would know that sometimes "resisting arrest" and "assaulting an officer" really is the cop's fault.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:12:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that is a helluva story. Glad you got out of it all relatively intact. What country do you live in? Doing that here in the states would get you tasered and shot for good measure.
EpicGuard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:15:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. I'm from America.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:04:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that is definitely surprising. What region?
EpicGuard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:17:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
PNW
martinjbell ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:47:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I worked for a locally owned company for about a year and a half when all of a sudden there started to be animosity forming between myself and the owner of the business. (He was a dick) After the typical crap kept going on and on, myself and two others at the business decided to quit and start our own competing business. After we left the animosity turned to HATE. The owners would curse at us in public whenever they saw us in town, flip us off if they ever passed us in their cars...ect About 6 months go by and each of our companies end up having a booth at a local event. I came over to their booth to make some small talk to the employees I had used to work with and it turns out they are having a "guess how many nuts are in the jar" type game. They ask me to throw in my guess and I laugh it off and say something to the effect of "like my name won't be thrown out anyway" They ask me again so I quickly jot down a guess and head back to my booth. A week later I get a call telling me that I have won the item ($150 value) and to come down and pick it up. Turns out there were 4,850 nuts in the jar and I had guessed 4,855. I walked in, picked up the item to a lot of glares and stares and walked out with a smile on my face.
josiahstevenson ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:48:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't expect to come home to all that blood and broken glass.
After a Sunday afternoon of work, I came home to change and turn around to grade papers all night at a local 24-hour diner (I'm a grad student with another part-time job). My roommate was having some people over for a barbecue and wanted me to stay, but I had to decline. Nice guy, Iraq War vet (Marines), VA was putting him through a Masters program at the same school. Anyway, I couldn't stay. Felt a little bad, it was the night before Veteran's Day, and apparently the anniversary of the Marine Corps(?) -- he said something like that. But I couldn't stay.
Went at about 7pm to grade for the third evening that week. The late night waiters are getting to know me by now, and they all seem to know by now that I add $1/hr or so to whatever I thought a generous tip would have been. Finally pack up and leave around 5:30 -- I have class at 9:30; I can get a couple hours of sleep ant not be completely out of it. Just three or four more nights like this, and the papers will be done.
I'm pulling in to my apartment complex and see something like a dozen and a half police cars. Strange; I wonder what happened. Is that a news van? Huh. Turn to get to my parking spot, and look towards my apartment. The light is on. That's weird.
I climb the stairs and get closer, and I can see that my door is open. Closer, and it becomes clear that's a police officer standing right outside it. Closer, and that's definitely the remains of my window by his feet. Closer, and I'm pretty sure that's blood.
I sort of sheepishly ask what's going on. Can I get in? No. Can the officer get me my laptop out of my room, so I can have it at school the rest of the day? No, of course not. He's apparently waiting for a warrant so he can get in there himself. Is my roommate okay? He's alive. In the hospital, going to jail. "What happened?", I ask again.
The officer looks at me, then looks away, appears to be gathering thoughts. He finally takes a deep breath, and it comes out, "I'll just let you watch it on the news.". And that's it, that's all he can tell me, is that whatever happened inside my apartment put my roommate in the hospital and will be covered on the news.
I walk away from him towards the twenty or so officers downstairs in the road to see if one of them will tell me any more. I can hear one of their radios buzz that "the roommate" is here. I guess that's me. None of them will really tell me anything. I answer some questions for the detective. Was my roommate violent? No. Did he ever threaten anybody? Not that I had ever heard. Did he have any guns? "Yes, I know of one pistol he had that he had tried for a while to get a particular part for. Don't remember the brand, though". "Any other guns, long guns, anything?" "No, not that I know of". I leave him with contact info for me and he gives me his card. Make some calls -- er, send some texts, since it's still before six -- and...I guess I'll head to campus.
I tried to take a nap on the couch in my office, but that wasn't going to happen.
Within a few hours, details started to come out on the news and other places. It became clear why they didn't want to tell me anything: the officers had shot my roommate.
The following includes significant details that the police allege, which I did not witness myself. Not that I particularly doubt their account, but it, retellings of it, and some sparse details from neighbors [edit: are] all I have. Trial is still pending.
Apparently somebody -- nobody I've talked to has any idea who, other than "a friend" of his -- called 911 to say something like "$roommate$ is in trouble; he needs help; he's at $address$ \click" so they sent over a cop and a paramedic. Or two? I don't know. When they got there, my roommate was (allegedly) aiming a pistol at them with a laser sight thing. They retreat and call for backup. Officers arrive. He aims at them through the window. They shoot through the window, miss the roommate, hit the wall behind him. He retreats into the apartment, perhaps to load the gun. They hear shots from inside (there were a few bullet holes later in the floor, mirror, and wall of the bathroom). He leaves the bathroom and aims again. They shoot again. Hit, apparently in the shoulder. It becomes clear later that he moved around the apartment quite a bit after being hit. He eventually comes out, surrenders and is arrested. All this happened around 9pm, the night before veteran's day.
The officers involved may have done the right thing, but I feel like they could at least have thanked him first.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:18:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is so surreal. Have you had a chance to talk with your roommate since that night?
josiahstevenson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:39:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, I visited him once in jail. Couldn't talk about what happened, obviously.
muristheword ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:06:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once saw my 3rd grade teacher give CPR to a dog and bring it back to life.
rodmandirect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As in, mouth-to-mouth?
muristheword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. Put her hands around its snout and went to town, only stopping to punch it in the chest. 10 mins. As a kid, it was amazing
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 09:54:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
darkshine05 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lame
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:03:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I worked with a stubborn aboriginal every day for a year. He was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when he was 50 but probably had it for most of his life. The standard of care for medicine among aboriginal Canadians is rather low. He spent 5 years being homeless and spent the rest of his life doing hard manual labor.
At the time he was doing just that, hard manual labor. We had the contract for clearing snow around government buildings and every single day regardless of snow we were working around the area. Every day I got to see him suffer standing up and sitting down.
As I got to know him I started digging into what was wrong.
The first big problem is everyone was enabling his poor behavior. Everyone working over him was using a return to homelessness as a reason to keep working these hard jobs. Everyone just treated his condition and his life style like it was normal instead of what it really was... horribly abnormal.
He was also using watered down medicine. Instead of going to a doctor and getting treatment he would use a lot of LeKota products. Everything was herbs, minerals, and vitamins. There was no plan for treatment and there was nothing he was doing right to stop the pain.
One day I asked him to see a doctor, that I'd set up the appointment, that I'd drive him and we would see where it goes.
The doctor was in shock by what he saw. Here is a guy who was living with the pain of rheumatoid arthritis for almost 30 years. He recommended medications, but they had the risk of destroying kidneys. This immediately turned him away from using this medication.
As the months passed the pain got worse and worse and worse. He was slowly moving to the point where he could not function anymore. He finally caved in. He went on longterm disability, started treatment, and now sits at home alone, miserable, and painless.
I call him once a week to make sure he hasn't hung himself.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:06:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My kids and girlfriend are coming home today, have only been away a few days. I'll be at work until after their bedtime, but when I get home I can look at them sleeping, maybe even stroke my hand through their hair and give them a kiss.
I love my kids. That is all.
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:33:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do me a favor and tell your girlfriend exactly this.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:45:17 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I should maybe tell her I love her as well. The kids tend to get most of my attention. ;-)
adequate_potato ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:56:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So just recently my family was at a restaurant and this little girl next to us scooped all of the whipped cream on her dessert onto her mom's plate, then proceeded to take all the whipped cream off another dessert and put it back on hers. None of us is entirely sure what caused this exchange.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:31:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You don't spend much time with small children do you? This is par for the course.
chuckjustice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This story has caused me to cackle like a maniac. My cat is looking at me with a "what the fuck is wrong with you" look. Well done.
InterimFatGuy ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 02:43:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Isn't a story per say, but here.
In eighth grade I was in a private school (K-12) that had two teachers, let's call them Mr. A and Mrs. C. They were married. Here's the short list of what they did to everyone:
EDIT ONE:
More anecdotes:
EDIT TWO:
Even more tales from insanity:
They had a bunch of reptiles they let slowly starve to death.
The counselor's husband was in the FBI and I shit you not, he said Russia was a safe place to travel abroad.
The teachers would show up to your house if you misbehaved. Sometimes they coerced the parents into giving a student's things to them as punishment.
Disclaimer: I may have forgot things.
TL;DR: I went to a fucked up private school in 8th grade.
shorterthantherest ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 03:20:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Where the fuck did you go to school!?
InterimFatGuy ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:24:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A certain private school in Southern California.
pandasyo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:44:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
IS IT ARCH??????
InterimFatGuy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:46:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's a strong possibility, but I'm not confirming it.
AdventurerSmithy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar experience in a private school in lower ontario. It was similar in the sense of violence, the shitty owners (ugh), however not food, as in Canada the children are not allowed to cook for other children raw meat...
...So that meant we ate anything a kid could make that didn't include meat or eggs. Holla for the undercooked "veggie mash" (see: raw onions, raw mushrooms, and somewhat cooked red peppers) that everyone got every wensday because the owner's son thought he was fucking gordon ramsay.
InterimFatGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:00:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll take "veggie mash" over half-cooked chicken drenched in curry made from the fucking devil's blood any day.
AdventurerSmithy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well, yeah, obviously, it wont kill you, but it still sucked, and the portion size was abyssal.
Thankfully, the school was shut down after the parents got caught up in a huge drug scandal and the school got looked into and the kids got asked questions. I don't remember how much, but I know they're behind bars for a long time and they were fined an immense amount of money.
But man, just the living space, it was hell and terrifying at the same time. I can't say for sure, because I was never a target of, but I believe the owners would "hire" (see: say if they don't do it they'll get someone else to do it to them too) a kid to beat another kid to a pulp and give no punishment if they were acting out. I was silent, always away and hiding, so I never got targeted (since they preferred to beat on the littler kids anyways) and left after a year of it (because I only signed on for a year in the first place to finish up middleschool) and the year after the next they were shut down.
EpicGuard ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:10:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You can always tell a Milford Man.
CallMeYourGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FuckThat ISD
Opset ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hogwarts.
Virtuosus ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:30:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT THE FUCK? Sounds like some real life Matilda shit, but worse. Sorry to get you went through such nonsense as a child :-/ ((internet hug))
Marxist_Dystopia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For future reference, this is the goto link for internet hugs.
jackpaxx ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:08:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
what the fuck
sambo613 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:48:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to call bullshit on this one. You said you went to a Southern California private school, but I can't really see this happening and nobody else finding out. Why didn't you tell your parents, or anyone else in that school tell their parents?
InterimFatGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I told my parents, they told the district, school said everything was fine and that my parents were full of shit, the end. I was pulled out after a year, but the school didn't mak it easy.
grandmaster_zach ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:35:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You forgot the part where the teacher gave you a $100% bill and had sex with you
ThePickleAvenger ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:16:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:54:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
one hundred percent dollars
DeaconNuno ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:00:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's all the dollars. Hey everyone, this guy has all the dollars!
saremei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta love those hundred dollar percent bills.
donkeyroper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:08:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Name the school or gtfo
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather not take my chances doing that. They have a pretty solid legal department, as you could probably tell.
donkeyroper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:21:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you allow shit like that to stand you deserve what you went through. Sack up and speak out if they are really that bad.
InterimFatGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
By the time I realized I could have done something, the statute of limitations was two weeks away. After my parents found out what was happening, they tried to pull me out, but the school wanted their $55,000/yr from the district, so they fought it hard. My parents had to get a bunch of stuff revoked and made many sacrifices to get me out of there ASAP. Trust me, if I could go back in time, I'd sue their ass so hard, but there's nothing I can do now (also still a minor).
tacomalvado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Enrique?
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dad?
tacomalvado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, it's Raph.
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dangit, Bill!
simsoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should press charges if they're still in business.
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My mon talked with a lawyer in my junior year of HS, but there's nothing we could do. We didn't have the money to sue, so we tried and failed to find someone in time to do it pro bono.
Kubjorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
...this is so batshit crazy that I can't disbelieve it. No one could possibly make this up.
marcx1984 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I sincerely hope this is not the first time you have told anyone this. That place needs shutting down
InterimFatGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:14:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Any idea where this might get more attention? I'll post more details with a throwaway tomorrow if this can get more attention.
marcx1984 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't sorry but its something you should look into, especially if they are still doing these things. Perhaps someone here can guide you
Sunshine_Everytime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yeah hearing this shit makes my blood boil.... I hope this draws a lot of attention and the school gets shut down.. REDDITORS!! HELP!!
InterimFatGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:05:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps /u/pandasyo could shed more light on private schools in SoCal. I tell people the story from time to time.
Bananaman420kush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What is happening at the school now?
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't even want to know.
Bananaman420kush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Where was it
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sothern California
trouble_tree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, could you elaborate on the school environment? It sounds like 40 kids, 2 teachers, and utter chaos.
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Think a psych ward, but more crowded, less controlled. Absolute fucking chaos. There was more staff, but they were sort of like backup incase shit hit the fan to the extreme. Mr. A had a bat for dire situations.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What. The. Fuck.
Hayman68 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:03:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That place should be shut down.
obsidianchao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ, did they make you drink the kool-aid, too? This is some Waco shit.
Biggy17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds more like a military school gone wrong
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was meant to be a school for kids that did drugs, or had trouble with the law. Things apparently started going downhill when they started accepting students with behavioral issues and mental disabilities. They had no ability to control them or help them, but they got their money so they went with it.
UFCJesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude...where did you live?!
Asdayasman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
per *se
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
thx breh
Asdayasman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
np m8r
InterimFatGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:31:08 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
xifufikiditpgfodorw 8my
MoneyShotoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:00 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. That is crazy
Camel_Holocaust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus I thought my private school was bad with the child on child torture and constant indoctrination. That sounds like you went to straight up Mathilda school. Glad you were only stuck there one year.
noramacsbitch ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 05:44:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Finally!!
When my father was in college down in Texas, he and his friend Eric used to drive waaay out into the boonies to this tiny little concrete shed near a cell tower on some weekend nights, where they would look at the stars and smoke weed. Now, their dorm had closing hours because Texas is stupid, so one night after seeing a movie they came back to the dorms and found themselves locked out for the night. It was about one am, so they decided that, despite their lack of weed, they would go chill and spend the night at their favorite spot in the middle of nowhere. It look them about an hour and a half to drive out there, on dusty backroads, and when they arrived they climbed up and watched satellites drift by. It was maybe three at this point, and they talked and dozed for a while before they decided it was too cold and they should just drive back and sleep in the dorm parking lot. They clambered back down off the concrete shed and got in the dusty car. Then, as they're starting the engine, Eric sighs.
"Shit man, I dropped my glasses."
Its pitch black out there, they have grass all around them, a forest to the right, and absolutely no way they're going to find a pair of glasses, but they have nothing better to do, so Eric gets out and starts slowly walking around, staring at the ground, while my dad, with the high beams on, turns the car in a slow circle.
And then, just like that, Eric is gone. My dad says he was in the headlights one minute, then stepped out of the beam of light, and suddenly he was nowhere in sight. My dad rolled down the window and called his name, swung the car around frantically, and honked his horn. Nothing. At first he thought it was a prank.
"Very funny, man, come on out." But as the minutes ticked by he started to get really fucking worried. He was waiting for about thirty minutes, too scared to get out of the car, but not wanting to leave Eric alone out there when Eric came booking it out of the forest in a dead sprint, covered in dirt, his eyes wild.
"GO GO GO!!!!" He screamed and he jumped in the car. My dad didn't ask any questions- he floored it, and they tore out of there, leaving a cloud of dust behind.
It was a while before Eric had calmed down enough to talk, but when he did, he revealed that he is the biggest idiot on earth.
While looking for his glasses, Eric had heard a faint, hoarse voice from the woods calling "help me.... heeelp meee...." Apparently that seemed like a thing he should check out without informing my dad, and he stepped into the tree line, looking around for the source of the calls.
The source leapt out of a tree and onto his back, hitting him with a stick. Eric played dead, and his attacker, a grimy man in tattered clothes, slowly dragged his prone form deeper into the forest, depositing him behind a bush. At this point, the creeper peered out of the trees, watching my father searching for Eric. He was hovering behind bushes, muttering to himself, and Eric finally came to his senses, chucked a branch at the guy, and sprinted for the car.
Back in the safety of the dorm parking lot, Eric and my dad were on an adrenaline rush, still going over the details of the attack and subsequent flight. The sun started to rise, and they got out of the car to see if the dorms were finally open.
When they stepped out they saw, in the dust on the back of the car, long finger marks sliding down the vehicle, as though someone had been trying to hold on to his prey.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:23:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is possibly my favorite one so far.
Binary_Omlet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DUUUUUUUDDDDDEEE......
thomshouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:58:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Were there a lot of cell towers when your dad was in college?
allmyrabbits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:03:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. This was scary. Well written, good job.
Broken_Goat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope nope nope
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:25:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
2:24 AM at night, wide awake (before this story) with Netflix on.
I'm.. I'm okay. I think.
samjaney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
so much for getting a good nights sleep
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:21:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit!
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:01:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No one else is calling bull shit on this one? Really? Love the story, well written and a page turner, but this is out of the Snopes.com Urban Legend 101 playbook. Pics or it didn't happen...
darkshine05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alot of these are questionable. This story dosent even claim truth. It starts with, my dad. I just read it for for the story. Just because I enjoyed it dosent mean it was true.
noramacsbitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry that you don't believe me. It happened to my dad, so I have no way of proving it. I've met his friend, and they love to tell this story. Astonishingly I have no pictures.
PyroPakratt ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:33:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is just a little romanic story. So nothing special. But im 14 and we had our dance on Friday. We thought it was going to be awful but turned out really great. Theres this one girl, lets call her Sam, and Sam is a really cute girl who I like. I spend the entire night talking, taking pictures, not sure if you could call what I did dancing, but towards the end the slow songs started playing and I go to the porch area that leads to a patch of grass. Im strolling through when I see a person laying in the grass. It was Sam and you could tell she was crying. So what happened was some douchebag guys had pushed her down in the dirt and left her after they wouldn't dance with her. So I took of my jacket, got her up, and put it around her. We then just strolled and talked for a good hour and around the end when the moon was beautiful and the stars were out, we slow danced in a field and I had the best time of my life.
TLDR: Go to dance, crush is there, dance with crush in a field
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:50:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did y'all ever start dating? Please say you did
PyroPakratt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:50:04 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Glad somone liked my story and no. I am thinking of asking her soon though. Any ideas?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:46:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, this may sound cliche as shit, but oh well. If y'all still have the dance things that the story talked about, next time one is coming ask her with something like "will you dance with me again, but this time as my girlfriend/date/whatever" or something like that. Sorry if it sounds stupid, it's 2 in the morning
IAmRaikov ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:21:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened about an hour ago.
So myself, my roommate and a few of our friends were throwing a Frisbee around outside of our dorm. My roommate, being the dumb ass he can be sometimes, throws the Frisbee on the roof of our 2 story dorm. (Small university, so small dorms.) My roommate and I then proceed to break into the maintenance closet in our dorm and use the ladder to go on the roof and get our Frisbee. My roommate then gets the bright idea to piss off of the roof. So we said fuck it. There were people walking around looking at us and here we are. Pissing off of the roof. I know some people have done crazier but damn, that was fun.
SleepOver_Adventures ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:24:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was a chronic bed wetter up until I was about 12. On night I am sleeping over at a friends house and usually I would wear pull up diapers at night so I would not wet the bed. But when I slept over I would not wear it and take my chances. I ended peeing all over the couch I was sleeping on (this all took place at 7 AM). I was the first awake and took all my cloths off and shoved my underwear under a dresser. Put my shorts back on and ran home (only lived a few houses down). I get new change run back to my friends house. I played PS2 till he woke up and noticed the wet spot and could smell the urine. When I was confronted I ran home crying.
but1616 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:28:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So the fire alarm in my dorm goes off at 11pm because some drugged up douchebag on the 9th floor was messing around with a fire extinguisher. For the next 3 hours everyone is waiting in a building next door or outside as cops and school security personnel come in and out of the building without giving any info as to what's going on (they busted 5 people with possession). Im sitting in a chair playing a game on my phone while some drunk frat-bro is yelling about random shit and bragging about some concert his frat is hosting. Suddenly he says he'll fight anyone from the 9th floor for causing this clusterfuck. Right after he says this a pretty big black dude who's been quiet the whole time looks at him and says "I haven't had a good bout in a while". The look on the frat guy's face was priceless and he shut up real quick. Later on when a cop says we can go back to our rooms another quiet kid yaked all over the floor at the cops feet, and started laughing. TLDR: College
Zacmac94 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:17:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A year and a half ago i met a girl at my work. She was dating someone. He was wrong for her. She knew it. And I could see it. Slowly over months we grew closer and closer. We got each others numbers and started hanging out a ton outside of work. Then one day, while she was still dating the other guy, we kissed...
I was the guy she cheated with. And we kept it up for three months. We talked about her leaving him but...she didn't. And then they'd get back together and I'd be hurt and she'd be hurt and it was awful. So I moved on. Then, one day she left him. And i went back to her..
We've been dating for 7 months now. She makes me better then I am and better then I thought I could ever be, more comfortable then I've ever been. She scares me and amazes me and makes feel like the luckiest person alive. I love her more then I can say. She is the most amazing person I have ever met.
I just needed to share the most important thing in my life with strangers. Just to have it set and be heard. Those of you who read it, thank you.
marcm6246 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:47:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My dad's story, but it's a classic so I have to share it.
My dad dated a girl in his university days who has obsessed with cats. She owned one and she always payed more attention to her cat and showing her cat off whenever my dad visited at her place instead of paying attention to him.
Anyways, after a while of her obsessing over her cat my dad decided to head back to his place. She picked up her cat and walked to the door to say goodbye to him and said: "Wait! Before you go! Would you like to pet my pussy?"
In response my dad turned around and said: "Sure! But put the cat down first!"
Apparently her face turned to sheer disgust and she slammed the door in his face and that was the last time they ever spoke.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:33:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hell yes, your dad is a boss.
The_Fluorine_Martyr ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:21:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Once, when I was around 12 or 13 years old, something unexplainable happened to me. It was a typical New England blizzard outside and in the middle of the day. I went to the window and opened it up just to watch the snow fall and look into the blizzard. Then the most beautiful music I have ever heard started to play. It was classical music, yet unlike any I have ever heard before. It had an exotic, "colorful" sound to it, and reminded me almost of Rhapsody in Blue with its strange sounding trumpets. This was in the middle of the day during a whipping blizzard in a small suburban neighborhood, so I can't explain why it sounded like there was a full orchestra outside my window in the middle of a blizzard. I wish I had just gone outside to see the source of this hauntingly beautiful music, and I hope to experience it again someday.
itsvermillion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:22:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds awesome
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fascinating. I remember reading something about Nordic mythology believing that the gods would go on hunts during heavy blizzards. Pretty sure it was accompanied by music too.
squamesh ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:04:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So my brother lives in a somewhat seedy neighborhood. It isn't all that bad, but at night its a little sketchy.
This halloween he went to a party and one of his friends had decided to go as a pirate. He had decided to do this because he had a real sword and wanted to have an excuse to walk around with it. So they have a few drinks and are decently drunk when they decide to go buy some cigarettes at a nearby convienience store.
As they are walkin, a crackhead comes out of an alley and tries to get them to give him their beers. He's really forceful and after a while he starts threatening them, saying he'll break their hands if they don't give him the beer.
Not willing to give up his alcohol, my brother's friend drew his sword and charged the crackhead, sending him fleeing into the alley screaming
ThatVoodooChick ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:35:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I love happy endings.
hiim_grouf ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:11:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie 'The Graduate'. The girl, Summer Finn of Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing. Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story.
BeatnikThespian ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:58:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this story could go on for five-hundred days.
rodmandirect ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:27:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Go on...
MoneyShotoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:43 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well sir... continue
Zuruzuru ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:58:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
My grandfather was in the Army during world war 2. He was a medic and had been sent to the Philippines. Apparently he had been captured and had been put into a POW camp in the Philippines.
For the most part they treated him alright so long as he provided medical treatment to anyone who needed it. On the Emperor's Birthday the Japanese soldiers were having a small celebration, and decided to hand out Sushi for the day's rations to the prisoners. My grandfather didn't know what sushi was and took this as an insult that they would give him raw fish to eat.
Fast forward 40 or 50 years, and my grandfather is coming to visit my family. My parents decide to eat out, and as we're deciding what to eat, I ask if we can get Japanese food (at the time my favorite type of cuisine). Everyone says OK, but I think my grandfather was a bit upset at the choice.
We arrive at the restaurant, and order quite a bit of food as well as some sushi. When the sushi arrives my grandpa eyeballs it and ask the waiter exactly what it is he just served us. I can't remember the exact explanation the waiter gave, but as soon as the waiter was done my grandfather laughed for a good while. He hadn't realized the sushi they had given him at the POW camp was a gift of sorts.
He had spent most of his life with a grudge against Japan, but the realization that the Japanese soldiers had offered him and his fellow soldiers a token of kindness seemed to delight him. In the years that followed, I was actually encouraged by my grandfather to learn more about Japan, and he even took me on a trip there to visit several war museums.
TLDR: Grandpa was served sushi in a Japanese POW camp, thought it was an insult, and 40 years later realizes it was a gift.
bekahhhhhhh ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:13:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Standing in line at Starbucks the other day. Hit it at just the wrong time, so the line was pretty long and moving really slowly (damn frappuchinos) and I was eavesdropping on the family behind me. Mom and two daughters, maybe 11 and 13, fairly preppy. The younger daughter was teasing the older one about her crush at school, specifically how lovey-dovey she was to him with gifts and nicknames and whatever. Anyway, turns out that the dude's name is Dylan, and little sis finally needles big sis into telling mom the cutesy nickname. Big sis gives in, and the nickname is... Dildo. I pretend to cough so they can't hear me laughing, and I can see the mom's embarrassed face out of the corner of my eye. She takes a deep breath, and then quietly explains to the two girls what a dildo is, big sis turns bright red, and then they awkwardly don't talk for the rest of the time in the line. It was glorious.
I never get to tell this story, because how often do dildos come up in regular conversation, but damn it was hilarious.
that_garage_smell ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 03:38:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About 7 years ago when I was about 7 or 8 we had these old next door neighbors that always screamed at me and my friends when we played in the backyard because they wanted us to "get away from their fence". For some reason they had this crazy notion that if we touched their fence it would somehow collapse or some shit. The old man was the real wackjob; he was the one that would always scream at us, "GET AWAY FROM THE FENCE!!! Lucky for us, they eventually moved away to a different neighborhood. Anyway, one day me and my mom were driving by the cemetary where my grandpa is buried (we live only a few blocks away from it). My mom always slows down to see her father's grave. Just as we start to speed up again, we see a grave that read the name of the old man that always used to scream at us to get away from his fence. Ironically, his grave was right smack dab next to the fucking fence. So now whenever I pass by that cemetary, I scream "GET AWAY FROM THE FENCE!!!
TheMcSushi ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:03:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Buried next to his one true love.
Rhinexheart ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:14:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You, I like you
[deleted] ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 03:55:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Kafke ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 05:19:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
-________-
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:15:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ho-ly. Shit.
HAHA! Oh man that's fucking awesome.
RikVanguard ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 07:46:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
10/10 would go on that Journey again
losian ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:01:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I snickered. Long delivery, awful payout; that makes it even better.
Hayman68 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 09:14:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I simultaneously love and hate you for that pun.
Ventrex_da_Albion ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:44:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's hilarious but its 4 in the morning and I'm in the state of mind that makes everything funny.
SteadySteady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:58:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
savage as fuck
vaud ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:26:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh, you're the worst.
AmbienDreams ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:53:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, oh man.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:33:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Not gonna credit 4chan even? No one here realizes it is a /b/ story.
[edit] /u/MoneyShotoh raised the valid point that someone should post the image
MoneyShotoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah... someone should link the screencap
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:45 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
done
kosif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, I knew i had heard this before.
TheEvilGerman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna be mad and hate this...but god damn...it me chuckle.
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please have my up vote, sir. Unlike that one about "eric" and the "attacker" in the woods which is totally fake, this one is definitely real, right?
darkshine05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I diddnt get that it was a joke till my second read through. Then I almost died laughing.
mitsukogirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why is this not the top comment
Eybooboo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
thank you :)
bharber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
slow clap
Camel_Holocaust ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:26:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stupidest joke ever.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:25:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, we played this stupid game of saying a word, and one of our friends would say the first thing that came to mind. Well, one of my friends decided to be a smart ass and say "Sex" as the answer, regardless of what I said. Little did he know...I said the last name of our male gym teacher. The look on his face when he realized what that implied made my week.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:38:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but that was just a bad coincidence you had Mr. Cox for PE.
The_Fluorine_Martyr ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:13:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My freshman year of high school, I had a Manchester United drawstring bag which I used to carry clothes to gym class. One day, I wore my favorite shirt to gym. Later in the day, I had an engineering class in my school's woodshop room. I managed to lose the bag with my shirt and deodorant in it. I checked each locker and cabinet in the room and was unable to find it. I only went back once or twice throughout high school and never found it. In my senior year of high school, I was working a talent show-like competition in the auditorium. The back of the stage opened up to a hallway which had a door to the woodshop. I remember thinking how I lost the bag and I got a sudden feeling that I would find it in the woodshop if I looked. I thought it was crazy but I decided to look anyways. All of the lights were off so I went into the dark room using my phone as a light. There, sitting in the middle of the floor, was my bag. This was one of the most incredible things to happen in my entire life.
[deleted] ยท 946 points ยท Posted at 01:58:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There was this guy I met three years ago at a bar in downtown Reno. I was hanging out with a few of my friends- they were all getting shitfaced, but unfortunately, I was the designated driver. So I was just sitting there sipping on a glass of ice water. Then this Middle Eastern guy takes a seat next to me.
"Do you wanna see a really cool trick?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he was hitting on me or not, but I was bored off my ass, so I said sure. Then he snapped his fingers and my water turned into wine. "Jesus Christ!" I said. He grinned and said, "Yup, that's my name. And if you play your cards right, you'll be screaming it all night long. You want to get into heaven, you sexy little thing? Well, let me put it this way...the only way to The Father is through me."
I'm not gay, so I was feeling pretty awkward. But after a few shots of some holy spirits, I started to loosen up. And it dawned on me that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I would become the first person in human history to bone Jesus- who could pass that up?
So I abandoned my friends and went back to his place. He lit some candles and put on some Christmas carols to set the mood. After a few glasses of sacramental wine, I was ready to go. I tore his robes off and thrust my manhood inside him. The feeling was incredible- it was like fucking three people at the same time. "OH, ME!" he screamed in ecstasy. "I HAVEN'T BEEN NAILED THIS HARD SINCE THE CRUCIFIXION!"
I blew my load pretty quickly, but he wasn't done with me. He bent me over and whispered, "Are you ready to accept the body of Christ?" He didn't even wait for answer- he jammed his divine rod in my asshole and went to town. I was surprised at how fast he came-but then again, he hadn't gotten laid in 2,000 years, so I could see why.
Well, I thought he was finished. He rolled me over on my back and said, "Are you ready for the Second Coming?" and sprayed his holy seed all over my face.
I never got his number- he just told me to pray to the heavens if I was ever in the mood for a booty call. Still haven't heard back from him, though.
Methuga ยท 465 points ยท Posted at 02:45:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't sweat it. Takes him three days to rise again.
Deathwatch72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Odd, thought the second coming was mentioned...
Archonet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, and I thought it took the elderly a long time to get it up.
Walkth3dog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:34:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/r/AntiJokes
tea_anyone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tales the imp like 10 minutes
Incognigro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This comment is seriously underrated.
fruitbear753 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:29:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just like my dick
supermav27 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:03:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
there's an erection joke somewhere here
nv4895hg8342- ยท 636 points ยท Posted at 02:27:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really concerned people won't understand how artfully you've worked in these fucking puns and allusions. This is superb.
Melodramaticstatic ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 03:01:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Such as?
niknik2121 ยท 168 points ยท Posted at 03:23:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
its_the_perfect_name ยท 470 points ยท Posted at 03:57:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think those were all that subtle
Aikidi ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 06:57:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"it's a casual allusion to this little-known text, maybe you've heard of it, the Bible."
its_the_perfect_name ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:30:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
which one of the Harry Potter books is that?
Aikidi ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 07:34:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter and the passion of the Christ
MadRascal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:11:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Spoilers for the Bible
beeasaurusrex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:46 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
JESUS KILLS DUMBLEDORE
A_Waskawy_Wabit ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He said artfully not subtly he's concerned people won't appreciate how hard it is to do and how great of a job he did
its_the_perfect_name ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:48:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of upvotes = clear indication people do actually appreciate that he did a good job.
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who's to say there were lots of upvotes when I initiated this comment thread?
its_the_perfect_name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Er...me obviously, I'm the one saying it. I know because I looked...
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You were present the moment I posted it?
its_the_perfect_name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you not realize I get a notification when you reply to my comments?
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:48:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I do; that's the nature of Reddit. However, I fail to understand how that's pertinent to my question. I'm asking how you can objectively prove that The_Horse_Yeller's comment already had a substantial number of upvotes when I posted the comment to which this entire chain relates?
its_the_perfect_name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
This really isn't that confusing. I saw I'd gotten a reply (that's why my comment about notifications is relevant, I hope you understand now) and I looked at the vote count on Horse_Yeller's comment shortly after you posted your original comment, hence my reply.
I don't really feel the need to prove anything to you, and you're getting awfully defensive about something that is incredibly inconsequential. I'll explain again if you still don't understand, but it shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out.
Edit: rather I looked at the vote count shortly after whoever said that 'this won't be appreciated' posted their comment. Your comment wasn't the one which mattered here, so I'm not sure why you phrased it that way. I thought you were the guy I'd originally replied to. At any rate, this is one of the more asinine conversations I've ever had on reddit and I'm done with it.
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:49 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are being rather offensive about it, which is why I inquired. I'm sorry my comment offended you.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:28:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
its_the_perfect_name ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:44:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know, I just meant that I don't think they're going to be lost on most people considering the entire story basically revolves around the puns and allusions...
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As /u/Carson23 pointed out
Plenty subtle enough to miss on a first read.
Carsons23 ยท 214 points ยท Posted at 03:59:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 04:50:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
3 people at the same time was my favorite subtle one.
319223149 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Could you please explain that one to me? I don't really get it.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:24:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The father son and holy ghost are both three... people? deities? and one person/deity at the same time. The holy Trinity.
PunishableOffence ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 09:09:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bullshit is more like it (with a hat tip to the late great George Carlin)
hazier ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:38:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
grow up
PunishableOffence ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's sad when you call someone out on their bullshit and everyone tells you to grow up.
kiwinazgul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's seeing Jesus as three parts: Jesus, god and the holy spirit
jerrytheman1998 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh so you think this all just one big long dick joke?
kino2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just got the three people at the same time one, I think it was the only one I missed
sargeantbutters ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:17:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You missed the "OH, ME" one
GeorgeStark520 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
NAILED THIS HARD SINCE THE CRUCIFIXION! Oh fuck, my sides!
martyring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My personal favorite was "OH, ME"
mikeg542 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:06:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was the one that got me
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A really clever one is "holy seed", which is only an added letter away from the Holy See.
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
All of them
Grosssen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:33:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it was him though, I've heard this one before :/
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
oh god no
CarlESagan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
YES, WE UNDERSTOOD THEM. WHY DO YOU THINK THIS STORY HAS 500+ UPVOTES?
nv4895hg8342- ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:49:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Peer influence
Maliceforidiots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
You must find pun threads exquisite
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pun threads aren't artful or exquisite. They're tired and pretentious. You, on the other hand, are a delight.
Maliceforidiots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am, though your comment implies otherwise.
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:15 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to meet you on a quiet city corner; shyly ask you to dinner; slowly fall in love; then sacrifice your body to the god Quetzalcoatl atop Uxmal with a cold obsidian knife, holding your still pumping heart in my bloodstained hands as the golden sun burns upon my face.
Blotto_80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Totally missed his opportunity for a "spear of destiny" reference though.
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Umthondo Wisizwe
BackOffMyNips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure this is a copypasta, but it is artful.
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes... O yes...
WalrusWarlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:26 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking puns
I see what you did there
Extractum11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, this is a copypasta
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, I still love him.
SomalianRoadBuilder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
they're not exactly subtle...
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They're artful, though
kilsage ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:07:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a repost. Not original material btw.
nv4895hg8342- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the info. My reply here is also a repost.
thegreendoooom ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 03:37:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you post this a couple of months ago?
I just found a video on facebook of me reading this exact story out loud to my roommate.
its_the_perfect_name ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:58:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Yea he probably didn't write this. I just found it here.
http://pastebin.com/HjjMQB1P
Edit: Nevermind, I guess he did!
Enrys ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:32:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He wrote it, check the comment thread again
Haqt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:44:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He did write it, and he has posted it multiple times on his account.
jozzarozzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a repost :(
JKSpoonz ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 02:56:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reading this was like a Religious experience.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:31:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You have seen the
cummingcoming of the lord.[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:19:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
/passion of the christ
ragestar23 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:45:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
10/10 would bone Jesus again
Sespol ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:54:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus is love
Jesus is life
LarrysMod ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:27:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I skipped to the end lookin for a tree fiddy
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would have preferred a tree-fiddy.
LarrysMod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This wasn't even funny. It was offensive
ace_blazer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:08:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was a lot of blasphemy contained in one post.
powerwafer ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:16:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank fuck this topic doesn't have a serious tag.
FortheLoveofGingers ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:16:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"Put on some Christmas carols to set the mood." Wat?
ProfessionalMartian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:09:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's his birthday music!
Safros ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:18:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
GOD DAMN IT VARG-
wait...what
Colley619 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have you tagged as a lying jesus fucker from this post 3 months ago
allothernamestaken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:14 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I KNEW I'd read this somewhere before.
Musclebust ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:08:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I cant upvote this enough!!!
magicalbong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:39:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw the "Second Coming" joke a mile away but I still lost it. Great job!
franchise235 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah right...
Everybody knows that Jesus isn't a Middle Eastern guy. He has blue eyes, milky white skin, and kinda looks like Jim Caviezel. I mean the dude has pictures of him like everywhere. This story totally belongs on /r/thathappened
Either that, or you fucked a terrorist.
i-dyslexia-have ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:59:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wat
mitchhall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:23:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I started reading this as a Johnny Cash song. Stopped at sex with Jesus.
Ventrex_da_Albion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:33:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I pulled my shorts down to fix my balls and what not right before reading this. I think Jesus was telling me to get ready
Cheifer176 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:26:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man I was interested when I heard reno but... Nevermind
IowaContact ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:10:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to have your babies, and I'm a straight dude.
darkshine05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:31:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This was the story I read all the way down here for. Thank you. Haha.
Troajn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus is love. Jesus is life
dmartian523 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:40:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely brilliant.
shamoni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:25:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a fucking repost.
geezee69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:24:03 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Always loved this story of yours! Glad to see it surfacing back on Reddit haha!
vythurthi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:30:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You like posting this story don't you
_--_-___-- ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:42:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I seem to recall that this is an old 4-chan copypasta, but I'm not sure.
Hoobacious ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it is. I can't find an image for it but I've absolutely read it before.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:09:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean this?
It started out as a comment I made on AskReddit. Then I made the comment into a greentext and posted it on /b/, then I screenshotted it and posted it on /r/4chan, and now I'm posting it again.
Hoobacious ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:24:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's very plausible that I first saw it on /r/4chan, would explain it
turkey236 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I've tagged you as a lying piece of shit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:28:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got halfway through and had to check it wasnt goddamn vargas
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This gets better when you realize that the University of Nevada, Reno has a super fan who pretends to be Jesus. Here's the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nzhC6GMiNE
fountainsoda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Story time alright.
Apatheticunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I read this on another thread a few months ago. Are you the OP or did you steal the guy's content without giving him credit?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:07:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the OP.
Apatheticunt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, sorry. I'm on mobile so I couldn't check.
writesgud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:47 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a repost.
bearcat888 ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 02:41:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wonderful but needs NSFW
its_the_perfect_name ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:46:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In case your boss stands there and reads it over your shoulder???
bearcat888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe for some but others don't want to read anything obscene or parents?
its_the_perfect_name ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:35:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Punctuation would benefit your sentence. Also, this is reddit. Not everything with swears or dirty language garners a NSFW tag, grow the fuck up. Don't browse it at work or in front of little kids if you're so worried about that. As far as people who don't want to read anything obscene? This website THRIVES on obscene. Find a new website to browse.
llamabirds ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:58:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if this is what you were looking for as a story.. But. It's my story.
I'm sad. All the time. Everyone thinks I'm fine and one of the happiest people they know. You know when you go to parties and there's that one girl who is the sexiest there and has a boat load of confidence and you're pretty sure every guy wants her at that moment. Everyone thinks that's me. I'm fine functioning when I'm in those situations. I'm not happy but I'm functioning. When I'm alone I literally just lay down and listen to music with no emotion. Everyone thinks I'm funny too. I'm funny because I'm depressed and uncomfortable so I try and make people laugh so they don't have time to think about how weird or ugly I am. I come up with scenarios in my head and I can't ever stop thinking about them. Like when someone says they like my top. All I think is "there saying that and then laughing at me behind my back." Every night when I come home after being "the eye of the party" I cry. I cry so much my eyes are always swollen in the morning. I self harm myself sometimes it's so stupid I'm stupid. I want to feel something and then I regret it.
On the outside my life is perfect. I just got a promotion and a great guy who is interested in me (I hope. He says he is but I feel like he's doing it out of pity or some shit like always) and people always tell me how lucky I am to be "beautiful and have a great body" what does that even mean?! It should all be personal preference. There isn't a normal pretty or a normal body. That pisses me off. The only reason people think I'm good looking is because I try not to eat too much and cover my face in make up.
On the inside I don't want to be me anymore. I don't even know who I am. I want to know who I am.
That's my story that I've wanted to tell... And never told anyone ever.
OrderChaos ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:22:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you could use someone to talk with (therapist, counselor, or Hell, just a good friend).
There is help out there and feeling sad and depressed like that is not "normal" (quotes because normal varies pretty widely).
There's some good resources over at /r/mentalhealth
thomshouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seconding this. You should talk to someone, and if you don't feel there's someone in your personal life that could/would listen, there are plenty of professionals that can and will.
It's so worth doing. You, and everyone, deserves support and a chance to work things out.
Draftier ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:59:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
2/2 Also, self harm isn't the way to go, and I hope you soon realize.
I'm an Internet stranger that probably lives hundreds of miles away from you, but here I am laying in bed thinking about you, caring. My ears are open to you if you'd like to talk about anything! Shoot me a PM. :)
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:02:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I can get dat dick wet.
Goddamn, we all know that's where that's fucking going anyway, god.
Draftier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Guilty, obvs.
llamabirds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:24 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you.
Draftier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:44 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome.
Draftier ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:54:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
1/2 Thanks for sharing, great job on the promotion and good luck with the guy!
PS: I'm sure you're a nice, beautiful woman. Stop being over critical. :)
llamabirds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:39 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
:)
philosophistorian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:57:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Try to focus on something purely separate from your physical existence and embodiment, it can be something as mundane as a tv show to start, just something other than how you appear to others. It can be a good coping mechanism for the real world. A goal or hobby that is external from the body is often the best respite from physical concerns. Seriously listen to u/OrderChaos too though
Kraynos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:25:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can relate to this more than most people will ever know.
llamabirds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:02 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hang in there.
CCPearson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:30:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hang in there. How long have you been feeling like this?
llamabirds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:49 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Since I was 10 I'm now 19.
losian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:52:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should seek help; beautiful people who are socially capable can still have just as much wrong under the surface that could be improved to make their lives better.
Find someone to talk to, find a way to be happier with who you are and see what works for you. You apparently can pass in a popular and attractive circle but that doesn't do a thing for you - find what does because it ain't that. Work on being happy with you. But seriously, if it's at all feasible, see about some therapy or something at least; give it a shot. At worst you end up right where you are already, at best things improve.
The__Erlking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:11:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I, like others that have responded, think you should seek some professional help. Go to your doctor if you have one or a local clinic if you don't. In the meantime if you would like someone to speak with or even to be silent with send me a PM. I cannot feel what you feel but I can be with you, at least in spirit, while you feel it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:10:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
llamabirds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:11 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you
magic7ball ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:24:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is such typical depression, I know completely how you feel. I know this is the last thing you want to hear but please please take my word and see a doctor to put you on light anti depressants. It really makes the world of difference and makes life worth living again.
There is such a stigma around anti depressants, but think about this: if you were diabetic, you wouldn't even consider not taking insulin, right? It's just the obvious thing to do to survive. Depression is very often a chemical imbalance, just like diabetes. It can most of the time be fixed or helped with medication. Just give it a try!
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 08:05:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
magic7ball ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:51:46 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
anti depressants is not substance use. Medication in conjunction with therapy is usually the best course of action. It's very hard to reach out for help when you are feeling so low. Starting with medication as a first stepping stone will often help with therapy as well.
the_perfect_me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:52 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This. I totally agree with you, I misread your first post. For me it was not clear, that you meant the use of anti depressants IN CONJUNCTION with a therapy. (English is not my first language)
unimatrix_0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Your story is moving, and it sure sounds familiar. While I'm certainly never the sexiest guy in the room and I can't even fake the confidence, I certainly have felt like what you're describing. Probably lots of us here have, so know that you're not alone.
I suppose I have two suggestions for you, and neither of them are quick fixes to anything, but maybe you will resonate with them. The first is to surround yourself with people who love you for you. Even if you initially mistrust their intentions, you can't go through life without trusting anyone and when you do, sometimes you risk being hurt. But if you have people you trust, then let them know what's going on, and ask them to help you. No one clever ever said that we're supposed to be doing this life alone, and without help. So let people help you. (This means that you engage in uncomfortable conversations. And that's fine.)
The second is that it does get better. I have no idea how old you are, but with time you get to know yourself, and I hope you will learn to see your value. By that I mean that you can undoubtedly have a tremendous positive impact on those around you, and enhance the lives of those you interact with, especially if you try. And there is great good in that. Western culture sucks at helping you find a place you feel at home in. It's an individualistic mindset, when we as humans are so clearly meant to be relational. But with time, you'll figure it out.
Hang in there.
llamabirds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:03 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for being so kind.
Ventrex_da_Albion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Try comedy laugh more and make you self say fuck you to those negative thoughts or say the opposite of them right after
llamabirds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:46 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't want to hide it like that though.
Ventrex_da_Albion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:07 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Its more like countering a negative thought with a positive one.
whuwhu5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude... You're like an attractive female me... Sucks that people feel like this
llamabirds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:26 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know it sucks
SargeMacLethal ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:05:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So about ten months ago, I was in a shitty spot. I had just gone through the horrible crashing and burning end to another friendzone (probably about my sixth), and I decided to just stop trying.
I decided that the next girl I met, I would meet as just a friend.
I just stuck with my normal routine, with my normal group of friends, for just a couple of weeks. Then I decided to try and branch out. I started chatting on Facebook with a girl from my class that I barely knew, but she was really cool and liked many if the things that I do. Let's call her Rose. At one point, we would chat for almost the entire day, sending dumb messages back and forth, entertaining ourselves on those boring summer days. We had never really spoken at length in person before, so I then made the worst decision of that summer: I invited Rose to a Hunter Hayes concert. For those of you who don't know who he is just imagine a very hick, country version of pre-douchebag Justin Beiber. It was awful, but in the end we bonded over the fact that we were the only ones in our group that hated country pop music with a passion.
I then fell back on the one promise I made to myself: I asked her out. She kindly told me that she could not handle a relationship with anybody at the moment and that she was waiting until college. I played it off as being okay, and believe me, for once I was okay with the verdict. I was just happy that I had somebody who liked what I liked.
We nurtured our awkward little friendship. We quickly came to the realization that we both thought in very similar ways, we have extremely similar quirks, etc. But Rose still made her point every so often, usually saying things like, "I would be the worst girlfriend ever". It hurt, as if she were trying to make a point, yet I carried on. I wanted this friendship to work. I just wanted her to be in my life, one way or another.
The school year progressed and we grew in out friendship. We both fought through each other's struggles together. We listened to each other when we needed to vent. We loved each other like best friends should. And then one day, Rose was talking to me as she was on her way back home from holiday in California, and she told me that she wanted to see me right when they got back. I didn't think anything of it. But the next day, as we sat there poring over her hundreds of pictures from the trip, she just... started... warming up to me for some reason. She got close, she tangled her legs in mine, she held my hand. The night went on and Rose continued to do things like this. She lay on top of me as we watched The Walking Dead (romantic, right?). She pulled my arm across her chest. She played with my hands. And then, out of right field, she just turned over, kisses me, and said, "Congratulations, you're out of the friendzone. It only took you eight months... how did it take this long?" She lay back down across me and simply whispered, "You're a good guy, you know that?"
I am now in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful girl that I don't even come close to deserving. She is artistic, beautiful, and faithful. She loves me no matter what stupid shit I do.
I now look forward to going to college next year with this wonderful young woman. Things are in full swing and we are being careful, because we both know how important we are to each other.
TL;DR: It's possible, guys. I GOT OUT OF THE FUCKING FRIENDZONE.
Setari ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:19:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, college.
Good luck. You're gonna need it.
SargeMacLethal ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:23:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahaha. sigh
UW-Milwaukee is going to kill me. Thanks for the wishes of good luck.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:18:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I too got out of the friendzone. It only took years, ha
darkshine05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The "friend zone" is a place no self respecting man would go. I mean unless she really is just a girlfriend. That's a chick you really don't give a shit about. No feelings, no wanting to bang. If not, you say hi, chat it up, and bang it. Don't stick around because she wants to play games. Not worth the time.
SargeMacLethal ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:19:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She's worth it if she actually puts time into a friendship and cares about how you feel. And not everything is about sex. I have never had sex with my girlfriend and I'm fine with that, because our relationship is based on knowing each other as we are, not some stupid hormonal impulse.
EDIT: because grammar.
darkshine05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:39 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yea. Some relationships are plutonic. I I am aware of that. I do not have any relationships without sex. And I do not want a relationship without sex. I do have real girlfriends that I don't sleep with. But they are and always will be just friends.
Notice people complain about being "friendzoned." Their not complaining that they can't get that girl that dosent want to sleep with them. I'm saying that when you want something, don't settle for less. Don't let some hot piece of ass that dosent like you dictate the terms of the relationship. Get what you can then dip the fuck out.
SargeMacLethal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:52 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah, I totally agree. If she is simply using you for her emotional needs, GTFO. A lot of girls use guys only for emotional needs the same way some guys use girls only for sexual needs. It's fucking evil, that's what it is.
darkshine05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:46 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You said it better than me. Thanks. I just get that vibe, then I'm like sorry hoe, go find a dork to screw with. And I dip out.
Emotional v sexual needs sound much better.
foxtopus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:31:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 10 years old and I got the go ahead to move off the main floor of our walkout ranch and started living in the basement bedroom. This room had no windows but a hallway door and a door that lead to "the shop" - what we called the power tool storage that then opened up to the backyard of the walkout ranch. I loved sleeping down there because it was nice and cool, had no windows and thus was pitch black when going to bed. There after shutting the lights off each night I quickly learned to navigate in the dark, refined my REM cycles and tuned my internal clock to only require 6 hrs sleep a night. Yes I slept like a hibernating honeybear. Except for one night.
.
There was no context to the dream that I was snapped out of. From nothingness to blackness my eyes plucked open straining to see what had captured my attention. And then I felt it there. It's presence. And I knew I had to get out. I was frantic and spilled over the edge of the bed fumbling along to wall looking for a door or a light switch anything to break the seal of darkness. My hands slapped along the painted walls like the sides of a smooth cave and all of it felt foreign to me. Where's the light? What's in here? Am I even 'here'? I tried to scream out but as I hard as I tried, no words escape my mouth, like they were being pulled back inside. .
Flight instincts took off and I clawed along the baseboard of the wall away from the shop door and where it was. My head slammed into the wooden door that led to the hall and the pain was quickly overridden by hope as I spotted a sliver of dull light between the thick shag carpet and the door. My hand slid up the sanded wood and hand slipped over a cool polished metal handle. It turned but the latch held tight and the door just shuddered in its frame. I dipped my wrist and twist the cylinder the other way but the door didn't budge and it and I were still there, together. A nervous panic quickly tiptoed down my spine as my chin tucked and I stuck my right hand out in front of me, my only shield facing back into the darkness. A sharp pull caught the tip of my pinky and I thought it was over. At this a deeply engrained reflex initiated and my hand went back to the point of collision, grabbed ahold and flung it in the other direction. I was blinded in white and briefly considered that heaven did exist but then the everlasting light subsided and I was alone, sweating and naked in my room with blood running down my chin.
.
I don't know what happened that night, but logic tells me it was a night terror. However, I think I was abducted and was trying to escape from an alien ship after they put a microchip in my nostril. Now, from time to time it itches like crazy. At least that's the story I tell people when they catch me picking my nose...
TL;DR: - Got abducted by aliens and sometimes I pick my nose. I can't explain either without the other and it all may just have been a bad dream.
Hitgirl1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:08:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you serious?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:50:21 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tagging for when it's not 2 in the goddamn morning
Redhotchilipeppers94 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:08:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pooped out of a moving car on a highway going 65mph.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:12:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
YES! You are a champion.
ragn4rok234 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:08:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FINALLY THIS POST EXISTS AGAIN!!!
So.... I pooped this morning. It felt awesome. I came a little.
JigglypuffPC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:09:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ok
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:30:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ok
Ventrex_da_Albion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Best story on this thread
radioblastin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:21:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in sixth grade, my family finally upgraded from living in an apartment to living in a house. My dad finally had the chance to grow a beautiful garden of his own- except, the previous owner did not take care of the backyard at all, and thus, the backyard was filled with weeds and dead grass. He and I spent a good month trying to fix the backyard with our bare hands, but there was just TOO MUCH weed and dead stuff. I burned out quickly, but this didn't stop my dad.
When he called me out to the backyard one day, I saw my dad standing on the dead grass field with a tank of gasoline in hand. I asked him what the gasoline was for, and he responded, "we're going to burn all the weeds and dead stuff down so it can be used as fertilizer for the good stuff. Slash-and-burn agriculture. It's what your grandpa did in Korea." Being in sixth grade and completely trusting in my dad, I agreed to help and happily dosed the entire backyard with gasoline. My dad then lit a match, and set the backyard on fire.
I have to admit, I felt a bit like a pyromaniac. There was some kind of beauty in the dead grass slowly being burnt to a crisp- and so my dad and I watched with some sort of fixed intent.
Eventually, we started to hear fire truck sirens from far away. I told my dad, "Goodness, someone from the retirement home must have fallen down again!" I KID YOU NOT I genuinely believed this. It was not until both of us heard the fire truck from the front of our house that I realized that something was terribly wrong. But before I collected myself a bunch of firefighters busted our backyard gate open and rushed in, going, "WHERE'S THE FIRE???!!!"
Now that I think about it, the firefighters must have been pretty shocked, seeing half of an Asian family happily watching their backyard burn down. My dad was also pretty shocked, and so he shoved me to the front, stating that HE NO SPEAK ENGRISH and that I should try to bullshit my way out of this.
Thus, I explained to the firefighters that we were instigating "slash-and-burn agriculture"... the firefighters sighed, told us that this was strictly illegal, slapped us a fine, and left. I stood there kind of dazed- my innocent trust in my dad was left shattered.
...To this day, my dad's excuse for that day is, "It's legal in Korea. I promise."
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:55:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
haha gotta love dad logic.
Sunshine_Everytime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:14:49 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
DUDE this is an asian thing!! My grandma suggested we do something similar in my dad's backyard when she was visiting and then my father started the small fire and there was a small stream of smoke but not like billowing or anything since we weren't setting our backyard on fire. from the side of the house I see a car pass our house- man inside peers through the side into the backyard and screeches to a halt and reverses immediately.
He barges through our fence and demands to know what we are doing. We explain and he informs us that it's not allowed in our neighborhood either (I guess this is illegal like pretty much in all residential neighborhoods?). He didn't call the cops/neighborhood housing association/fire station, but he was PISSED. like damn, sorry we didn't know... I kind of felt bad for my dad because he had to resolve the situation and my grandma didn't speak english either so it's not like she could say this is a tradition/agriculture strategy of sorts that's been passed down... awkward.
kworbust ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:58:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Married. Friends with other couple. I'm (husband 1) better friends with the wife of that couple. Absolutely above board, no funny stuff. Find out after ten years that her husband is insanely jealous of our friendship.
He saw that I texted her one night cuz she left her phone at home. I had no idea it was a secret. After that night we don't see then for a month, six weeks maybe. When we do see them, on her birthday (also 1 yr anniversary of another friends passing), she mysteriously has to go in next day To get a fracture in her jaw fixed up. Also that night, her husband decides that his daughter needs to be pulled her hair for being too shy to ask a bartender change the pinball machine.
I raise a red flag with my wife and another woman, asking them to maybe reach out to her see what's up the jaw thing. They all think I'm crazy.
A year later, they are divorcing, both kids bruised, her damaged physically, emotionally. My wife, other wives think she's crazy, have broken off friendship, convinced she's cheating, on drugs, just escaping.
And now every time I talk to her, I get a look.
Fucking bitches.
rodmandirect ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:19:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yikes. Sounds like no contact from this point on is the best.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:21:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, how does your wife and her friends not believe this woman was abused? It's pretty damn clear what is going on here.
Sunshine_Everytime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:30 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
the woman always gets blamed... even by other women.. it's a shame. yeah from his POV it's pretty obvious.
Mikmoo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:13:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I CAUGHT A SQUIRREL WITH MY BARE HANDS! Seriously! I was so proud of myself (and still am) that I put it on my resume just to have an excuse to talk about it more.
rodmandirect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am impressed. What'd you do next?
Camphikefishbike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:01 on May 14, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He got bit and has rabies.
Jaq1908 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:16:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My father is a child molester. Thereโs really no good way to put that.
When I was about 9, after years of abuse, he started to make me look at child pornography; there was one particular set of photos that disturbed me more than the others. I remember thinking that the boy in these pictures looked just like my older brother when he was younger, and that the man molesting him looked remarkably like my Grandfather. I filed this away though, mostly due to fear and confusion, and because my father seemed to only be interested in little girls, not boys. Years later, well into my twenties, I finally came out about the abuse (which my father denied even after being convicted for sexual abuse of other girls). Not terribly long after that my brother came to my sister (who was also abused by our father) and me to tell us, in secret, that he was molested by our grandfather. Instantly those pictures assaulted me once more but I couldn't bring myself to say anything, still canโt. See, my brother still has a relationship with my father, loves him, and desperately wants to believe that he is not the terrible man that I and so many girls know him to be. I love my brother dearly and donโt want to dredge up bad memories, he wants to have a dad and I can understand the appeal of pretending. It picks at me to this day though that he doesn't realize my father knew what was happening to him, possibly participated, it breaks my heart so but I know it would break his even moreโฆ.
rodmandirect ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:24:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yikes, sounds like some heavy stuff. Very brave of you to share this with anyone, thank you. Have you ever delved into this with a professional therapist?
Jaq1908 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:33:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, doing my best not to be ashamed anymore though it is rough. I had a wonderful therapist for quite some time, ultimately he agreed with me that it would serve no real purpose bringing it up to my brother since he has moved on and is in a happy place with a wonderful life/family.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:32:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I can't see hiding this doing anything other than harm considering how much of a monster your father is. I realize your therapist advised you not to bring it up, but often with families of abuse it is vital to lay everything out on the table. Letting something this horrible fester can only do harm down the line or even open your brother up to being exploited or manipulated later on. That said, congratulations on getting into counseling. You are breaking the cycle.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:04:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a sophomore in high school, I lived in Germany. What that means is that we high schoolers had clear access to many great places that many people only dream to see in their lives. We were a lucky few. So how did we spend our time in Europe? Well a plan was devised to have the once in a lifetime trip of our lives without our parents' knowledge. So early one brisk spring's morning, my friends and I set out to a land of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness: Amsterdam. We spent a long weekend drinking and smoking pot in the Netherlands. Now that I moved back to the states, I can't tell this story because they'll think I'm a tool who brags about Europe. And to an extent, I kind of am. But I recommend going to Europe to everyone if they can afford it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Europe is pretty cool. I do not understand why anyone would feel you are a tool for describing a cool experience.
Sure, not everyone can go to Europe, but it is not your fault. Some people just gotta start being happy for other people instead of always being jealous.
Jealousy just hurts both parties. I for one think that it is fantastic you had fun in Amsterdam!
ricksmorty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:44:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hate sounding like "that" douchebag.
I lived in France / Germany for five years. Just came back about a year ago. Having spent so much time there, I've begun to really feel like an asshole, having to start all of my stories off with: "When I was in France...." or: "This one time, in Italy/Germany/etc..."
People think you're trying to one up them, when you aren't. The story just doesn't make any sense without the context.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Currently doing college in Germany (military base). Traveling in general is amazing.
ThisIsMyIDGAF ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:34:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was a junior in college at the time. Recently out of a relationship but now had this mutual friends with benefits deal with a girl. One night it got particularly intense. She's laying down and I grab her by the waist. I forcefully pull her toward me and she head-butts me right in the eye. We start cracking up laughing how ridiculous that was, but finish up and go to bed.
Wake up the next day with the worst black eye I have ever seen. Tell everyone I got in a fight. The shame.
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather have gotten a black eye from a fuckbuddy rather than my younger brother... and a cut on my cheek from his fist. Working at a gas station, everyone was just like, 'lol you suck'.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:03:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
rodmandirect ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:17:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting story, but please forgive my skepticism. What college was it? Supernatural stuff freaks me out deep down, I'll admit.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:46:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hell yeah, have you had any other events like this happen to you before?
partywiththecaptain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:19:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never. Also, this was like five months ago and I've walked that bike path a million times since without seeing anything weird.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:08:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On a school trip to Rome I masturbated in the bathroom of St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican.
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Even though the priests were right there?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Even then I was probably a bit old to be in danger but you know, If I can help a priest to relieve some of the inevitable sexual frustration that comes with a vow of celibacy by doing something I was going to do anyway, it would be wrong not to.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:26:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:43:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What happened?
thomshouse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:17:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry to hear, man. Love can be tough, and when it doesn't work it can feel like the end of the world. It's not--but that doesn't change how it feels.
Try to focus on good things in your life. You said you have a passion for tech--that's good. Not everyone has a passion, and even fewer can make a living from it.
As for Marianne, if it was meant to be, it would be. Maybe it will again. Or if not, maybe it's meant to be with someone else. Just focus on being the best version of yourself, and someone is going to appreciate that eventually.
mrd_stuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds like she died man.
zeugirdormonster ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:07:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Once there was an ugly barnacle.
He was so ugly, that everyone died!
The end.
newyorkglaze ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:23:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Pics or it didnt happen
bharber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But you'll DIE!!
Rhogi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That was awful, Patrick.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a small child I coach because that almost sounds like something they'd say to me.
Except they'd probably say that I was so ugly everyone died.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:48:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
morphedlava ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If you really like her, then you should try your hardest to get with her because if someone else makes her develop feelings for them, then you'll probably regret it. She likes you right? So there's no real reason to get nervous.
Best of luck to you.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:09:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Go for it. Make it clear you're into her and lay it on the table. You'll get an answer one way or the other, but it's probably a yes.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:10:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:17:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Goddammit, I love Bill Murray. Also you for sharing this story.
skitfin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:37:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i smoked weed with Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson together, on 4/20 in Amsterdam a few years back.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:14 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah buddy! Got any pictures with them?
Boxful_of_Bitches ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:08:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I started smoking cigarettes at a young age which meant that there was always a chance I could be rejected when attempting to purchase them. But hell, it was 1994 and I was 14 so it's not like it is today (tobacco free for over two years now BTW).
My mom took me to Chicago for a convention that was being held at the hotel we were also staying in. She was busy, so I took the opportunity to score a pack at the hotel gift shop. Back then, cigarettes were stocked out in the open, so I grabbed a pack (and other miscellaneous items for effect) and casually proceeded to checkout.
The young man at the counter, who was clearly from some African nation, wanted to chat while he rang up my items. He was incredibly nice and very charming, so I smiled and tried not to act nervous while he slowly scanned my items. I'm just waiting for my total so I can pay him and run away with my sweet, sweet smokes.
As I'm paying, he asks, "do you like to cuddle?" My 14 year-old brain had no answer for this question and I was still too antsy about getting away with my purchase; I took my bag of goods and awkwardly left the store with some dumbass look on my face, no doubt. I had my cigarettes, but now I also had a strange hotel employee I had to avoid for the rest of the weekend.
So, I told this story to a few people over the years until one time it hit me as I'm saying the quote aloud:
"Do you like to cuddle?" = "Do you like Chicago?"
Poor guy probably had no idea why the hell that stupid little white girl got all weird and left mid conversation. Yes, a bit insignificant in the grand scope of 'things to dwell on', but man, somehow I'm still embarrassed.
TL;DR
Misunderstanding due to heavy foreign accent, and smoking is obnoxious on many levels.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:45:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Jagjamin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:58:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You were a potential hostage.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:30:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he just wanted to experience freedom one last time. What did you guys talk about during those 3 days?
Faceless_Emcee ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:58:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have been waiting for a creep askreddit to pop up but this will do. I was about 12 and I was on vacation with my family, one of the last ones before a disastrous trip to Canada that put the kibosh on family outings for several years. We usually frequented the same locales a small cabin our family owned or some other place up in the U.P. (Michigander here) so going camping for a week in Ohio was fairly special.
We had borrowed one of those pop up campers. The close proximity usually caused us to be at each others throats in a matter of hours but this time we were able to find a good rhythm and we were having a good time sitting around the campgrounds talking and eating. We were in a fairly small campground and there was a man in a tent next to us but he was the only one in the immediate area.
The weather was fairly crappy we were getting rained on every half hour or so we stayed at the campground almost the entire week. We chatted to the guy a bit just small talk and he had said his wife was sick in his tent. His tent was pretty big it was one of those that could fit 5-6. We never seen his wife which we didn't think anything of at the time since he said she was ill.
When we would cook dinner it would be hotdogs or some instant food that we could cook in the camper, our family was never very adventurous when it came to camp cooking. The one thing we always joked about was the sheer amount of food the guy next to us would make. He would have this heaping mound of hamburger patties and that was it. No chips or buns and he would take them into his tent to eat. He was a fairly thin man so we always joked his wife must be huge.
We packed up towards the end of the week and headed home. I don't remember exactly when it happened it was I think after getting settled back in at home that we realized we had not seen that guys wife once the whole time we were there. Sick or not she would have needed to go to the outhouses that were at the campground. And we kind of all had the same thought, the guy had killed and cooked up his wife.
We have no idea what happened for sure, it's a creepy story we share from time to time. I can tell you the amount of meat that guy cooked was insane, it was something you would see at a barbecue.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome story, I've had a number of weird people like that as campsite neighbors at national parks. One family I met in Zion would go out in the morning looking for last night's roadkill so they could skin it. Mormons are strange sometimes.
What happened during that trip to Canada?
rachetheavenger ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:31:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It is not a story i have been dying to tell, but rather a story that seemed easy enough to tell on internet.
It is one of my earliest memories, and i guess i remember it pretty well because kids are impressionable and it was pretty big event, or at-least felt like more important than anything that had ever happened or could ever happen, at the time. I was about 6 years old, in the city of Bhopal, on the date later i deduced was December 7, 1992. At the time however, it was just another day where i got up in the morning, was promptly dressed and dropped at my school in old bhopal by my dad. As he was leaving, he looked me in the eyes and told me to be careful and especially listen and follow any instructions my teachers at the school give me. I probably nodded absent mindedly and ran off to the assembly. The first few periods went as expected, or must have gone as expected as i don't even remember them. The excitement started a little before breakfast break, or soon after it (breakfast bein at 10:15am), i don't really remember, what i do remember is that the teacher got a paper note, and looked startled. She then told us to stay in our seats and that she would be right back. I think she was gone for about 5 minutes, when being the little show off I was, i got up and walked towards the class door, stopped, looked at the class and mentioned something along the lines - "if we are not studying i might as well go use the restroom", and then walked out. I have since grown up and learnt to toe the line. As i walked along the corridor, it seemed the school was in some sort of disarray, i saw that all the students in the wing across from ours were outside their classes and rushing out with teachers directing them. It seemed that they were leaving! I for one did not have any intention of being caught by the teachers when i was told not to leave my seat, so i quickly bolted from the corridor before anyone could see me. Down the stairs i went, took a sharp right, and ended up in the deserted looking corridor. This was not of my favorite corridors as the kids here were older, though i had managed to make a couple of older friends who i had met on previous excursions here. As i strolled along i noticed that this corridor/classrooms were completely empty, as if everyone vanished in the middle of the school day! Smiling at being alone here for the first time, i decided to use the restroom in this wing. I think about maybe after 10-15 minutes i decided i should head back, i did not want to be in serious trouble with the teacher, so i made my way back to my classroom. Though when i got back it was completely empty. So was the whole wing, and other wings. At this point i was rather anxious and surprised as to where everyone had disappeared. I decided that the best course of action was to go to the courtyard where we have assembly. I went to my classroom, packed my school bag and ran to the courtyard. I estimated years later retracing my steps that it would have taken me about 30 minutes from the time i left my classroom to me getting to the courtyard. If they were already at the tail end of the evacuation then that is a pretty long time. As luck would have had it, i saw my father, out of breath, rushing towards the courtyard. Before i could say anything, he picked me up, shouted - "Where were you!!", and ran outside before i could respond. He then threw me in the passenger side of the car, got in the car and looked me in the eyes and said in a very serious voice - "There is a mob coming, and they are not very far from here, maybe even 3-4 kilometers, he told me that they are cleansing the area, meaning they will kill me and they will kill you, if they catch us. But they are never going to catch us, because you will stick with me, and you will listen to me and do exactly what you are told. No questions, you are a man now and must act like one".
related news article, i have no idea if any of the numbers are accurate - http://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/bhopal/when-all-hell-broke-loose-in-bhopal/article1-969089.aspx
Sunshine_Everytime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:59:52 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
damn that's intense!!! glad you're safe though.
rachetheavenger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:24:19 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
thanks! me too!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:39:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As someone that also grew up with fundamentalist parents, it's amazing how good you get at lying. Awesome story and I'm glad you're not dead.
Cunningham01 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:14:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So there I was, ordering some Chinese takeout when the lady serving me asks if I want 'flied lice' and without thinking I replied 'Yesh preash'. I immediately realised I couldn't return.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
oh god. there's no way to recover from that.
jdacheifs0 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:16:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Warning, this story rambles considerably, 90% of it is me reminiscing an incredibly interesing night and 100% of it is useless information. But then again, it's reddit. This isn't a tree fiddy.
I'm not a drinker, well not anymore. Both of my parents are alcoholics, and I tried to drink casually for awhile but I always was the guy who lost his pants and regretted himself in the morning so i stopped.
I went to a house warming party with, lets call her "flying squirrel". Well Flying Squirrel and I were hanging out the whole night, she was sisters with one of the party throwers and we were planning on staying the night with half of the people there since she was my ride and I was her company.
30 minutes after we get there, the hottest man I've ever laid eyes on walks into the room. The sun was just going down and gave him a bit of an aura, right when he was pulling off his sunglasses. He had a flower in his hand and a white button up shirt that was open enough to show a bit of chest hair. I later find out he is Bolivian, Getting a PHD in genetics and was probably 3x as smart and 20x as hot as I would ever be. Let's call him "Sexy chest".
After some of the older people left, thats when the party started getting a bit crazy. I walked outside for a cigarette and come back inside to see people on the top of chairs and tables triple fisting and double fisting drinks. To each their own right? Flying Squirrel at this point was loosening up, and so she came out for a smoke with me after a bit more drinking and started confiding to me in that drunken way that only makes sense if you understand the situation somewhat already.
Flying squirrels sister and her sisters roommates were all teachers The roommates were already drunk before I got there and they didn't stop drinking and kept up with everyone else.
Now to the meat of the story: Nothing good ever happens after 2:00am. Flying squirrel and her sister go upstairs, I go up there with sexy chest right behind me and theyre bawling their eyes out, I grab them water and give them both hugs. I go back downstairs to grab a water for myself I turn around and see the drunkest girl at the party saying she's ready to go home. She was supposed to stay there that night and said she lived 10 minutes away and she was planning on driving there.
I could be an asshole and not say anything and let her go, everyone else was so drunk they didnt even give a fuck. I'm not an asshole though so I told her she shouldn't drive anywhere.
More useless context: The number of Dui's in that room was incredibly high. Not everyone had one, but the amount of them just shocked me since I never was around people who would drive home drunk.
I kept her busy for a bit by asking her a few questions that she could talk about for a bit then I asked her about her car and what her keys looked like making up an excuse that I really like cars and I heard the car she had something cool on it (I don't know grasping at straws here but it worked out). She stumbles across the room to her purse grabs it, slurs something incomprehensible and digs into her purse for keys and hands them to me, I said thanks and told her I'll be holding onto these in the morning. She got mad.
I turn to find sexy chest, he was pretty drunk way too drunk to drive but yet he was still able to have an intelligent conversation with me. He wasn't there.
I look outside and there he is and he said he thinks his car got towed. Shit. He was worried, he had a performance car and tow companies won't always be as gentle as they need to be when it comes to towing expensive vehicles. I find the tow place for the area and we give them a call. It's a flat rate and not hourly so he would be fine to pick it up in the morning. Flying squirrel comes down, i give her a smoke and she sucks it down with red puffy cheeks. Flying squirrels sister comes out and says I need to give her the keys back or the girl is gonna call the cops. I told her if she wants to call the cops she can, but it's not gonna be like the cops wouldn't side with me. We ask if her husband would pick her up she starts bawling her eyes out. We all look at eachother and didn't understand. She walks outside and one of the drunken teachers followers her. She comes back in says she called her mom to pick her up and get her to her house while still saying she was fine the whole time. She waits outside for 15 minutes comes back inside and sits down infront of the door and falls flat on her back. Now at this point if no one believed me that she was incredibly unfit to drive then their minds were changed. She was still upset at me, but I told her, you can hate me tonight, you can hate me tomorrow, but one day you'll look back at this night, realize what I did was right.
After her mother came and picked her up We sit in their living room, and get ready for bed, the couch was for a guy with braces the rooms were taken already so me and Flying squirrel had the futon. She talks to me about the situation a bit more and I give her encouragement. We fall asleep and wake up in the morning drop off sexy chest to the tow truck, and just at the point where I didn't think that man could get any hotter, he pulls out of the towing place with a sleek black car, aviators on his head and that millionaire smile showing pearly whites.
I probably won't see anyone again except flying squirrel and her sister, but that night made me feel secure about my decision to never drink again, if I wasn't on top of things, people couldve gotten hurt of killed, friends would have been saddened and strangers would have woken up to being in an Ashton Kutcher knock off of "Dude, wheres my Car?"
I can't drink, but I can be a friend to those who need one.
Tl;dr: A fun housewarming party turns sour as 3 different problems arise. Jdacheifs0, being the only sober person left, is the only person left to help ensure people's problems are met with solutions.
rodmandirect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You were right about the rambling part. But props to you for sharing it, anyway.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think it was rambling at all, you've got a way with words. How old were you when you made the decision to stop drinking? I'm starting to think I might end up going the same route you've chosen. Sobriety is underrated.
jdacheifs0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:08:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A month before my 19th birthday.
something_like_it ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:52:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a bit of an ongoing drama for me, and some new info was mentioned to me today and I've been itching to vent about it.
NOTE: Office place romances are supposed to be avoided, but where I work, everyone dates a coworker at some point. People throw pretty massive parties almost every week, so there's a lot of booze and sex that complicates everything.
Back in October, one of my good female friends at work began dating another coworker I had never met (big department). After a month, she dumped him since he was treating her like a piece of property and was talking to other women. Between the breakup and January, the dude (we'll call him Sean) did some major sleeping around and developed a piss poor reputation among many of the employees. I met him several times during this period and each time I walked away thinking how arrogant and narcissistic the guy was. According to my friend (his ex), he picked up on what I thought of him, and started trash talking me on occasion (I don't give a shit what he thinks, I'm technically his boss).
In January, I began dating another lovely coworker (ooooh, forbidden love), and of course the guy immediately begins bugging (in a friendly manner) the girl once he finds out. He invited her to a house party that month, and being the sweetheart that she is, the girl (now my girlfriend of 4 months) goes, but tells me to show up as soon as I'm off of work (I wasn't invited). When I got to the party, mostly everyone's hammered, including Sean. I don't have anything to drink, I'm just there to make sure my girlfriend gets home safely and that Sean keeps his distance. The day after the party, my girlfriend tells me how before I arrived, Sean handed her a shot and told her he'd be waiting in his room for a "birthday suprise" (knowing that her and I are dating at this point). Naturally, she dumped the shot out and left him waiting on his bed.
A couple of weeks later, one of my employees began asking coworkers about Sean; any history, exes, etc. I told her about my experiences with the guy, how he treated my friend poorly, womanized, and just generally acted like a Grade A douche. Several other coworkers told her similar stories, and that she should avoid Sean. Unfortunately, people either love or hate Sean. He's apparently quite an interesting guy that's pretty fun to be around, so people tend to overlook his douchey nature since he's "the party guy". Turns out, my employee and Sean had already gone on a few dates, but after hearing what we all had to say about the guy, she called things off with him. When she was explaining to Sean how she had heard about his terrible reputation, my name was somehow brought up, and Sean immediately focused on it. So now, the guy entirely blames me for ruining his chances with this girl, despite many other people saying similar things about him.
He had a few other parties after the girl called it quits with him, inviting both my girlfriend and my friend (his ex), but specifically telling them I wasn't allowed to come (Oh no, I'm so offended -_-).
Fast forward to two weeks ago, I'm a work party for a buddy with my girlfriend, when Sean shows up. Sean immediately begins trying to "eye fuck" my girlfriend, which I don't really appreciate, considering I'm three feet away from her. I saw him try to hit on her a few times (which she shut down hard each time), and me in my very-intoxicated state got pretty feisty. I loudly joked (maybe only half-joked, I'm usually a happy drunk, I'm not sure why I was in a mood that night) to some friends that I would punch him in the face if I saw him look at her again, and of course Sean heard me.
Sean's been approaching my girlfriend at work for the past two weeks now, beginning every conversation with "Hey, are you and ___ still dating"? Yup. Then he starts his usual routine of bad pickup lines and shitty flirting attempts.
Today he walked up to my girlfriend and told her that since I joked about punching him, him and I should "throw down". Much chest puffing and alpha-male'ing ensued according to my girlfriend. He claims that I'm a coward since I never make eye contact with the guy. Which is true, I don't. I have no need, he's not directly my employee or any of my concern. The guy sounds a tad obsessive if he's constantly checking to see if I'm looking at him. The guy honestly believes that I want to fight him, and that it would solve all of our problems.
My girlfriend told me to check the guy's twitter to see how crazed the guy is, and sure enough, there's several tweets about me and my girlfriend. Stuff along the lines of "I think it's cool to hope my crush's relationship fails so I can swoop in" and "I'm just lying in wait for this guy to mess up so I can claim his girl".
So now my girlfriend and I are dealing with a masochistic, chest-pounding douche who wants to kick my ass. I need to confront Sean to hopefully stop him from harassing my girlfriend.
TL;DR: Pissed off a stereotypical "Bro" by spoiling his potential relationship, now he's obsessing over my girlfriend unless I fight him. I'm taking the high road and acting like a mature adult, trying to figure out a way to stop a douche from behaving like a neanderthal.
chatterface ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:35:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think he's more interested in you NOT fighting so you look like a coward. And he only wants your girlfriend because he can't have her. Continue ignoring him and don't play his games or sink to his level.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kick his ass Seabass!!
TheLonelySpectator ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:03:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A new girl started to work at my job a few months ago and I've fallen hard for her. We have a lot of similarities and interest -- but she is not interested in me in the slightest bit. I can't do anything except think about her and feel this strong sense of disappointment that we don't/won't have a deeper relationship than just friends. The worst part of it all is that I have to see her on a daily basis and I can't ignore her.
hardeep1singh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Don't rape her. It'll ruin your life.
anu26 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:17:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Arre paaji. That escalated quickly.
TheLonelySpectator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I will keep that in mind.
garythecoconut ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:07:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was 18 and on my own for the first time. I was renting a bed in a house on the beach in Hawaii. I was just doing some handyman work to pay the bills and taking a couple classes at a nearby university. Guys were on the bottom floor of the house and girls were on the floor above us.
Well, it turns out one of the girls was really cute. I tried to get to know her. Spent time talking with her and her room mates. We never really got close because she was a full time student and I was working a lot, but I saw her and talked to her pretty much every day as we were coming and going from the apartment. This lasted about 4 months.
So fast forward. It was my last day in Hawaii, I had my suitcases packed and I went upstairs to say goodbye to her. I hadn't told her I was leaving yet. So I knocked on her door and she answered. I could see there was a guy inside, and she told me it was a bad time and asked if I could come back later. I said "oh, um... sure..." and walked away as she closed the door. I then walked down stairs and grabbed my suitcases and left.
I don't know why, but it was a really life-changing and important moment to me to be moving, and she just brushed it off and told me to come back later, even though I knew there would never be another chance.
Now, over a decade later, I don't know why this moment stood out to me so much. I guess it makes me think, what are other "last moments" that I have with people. I don't want to miss out on those moments like she did.
I bet she didn't even notice I was gone...
truckbot101 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:42:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately, some people are only interested in being friends with you on a very superficial level.
Setari ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 09:41:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think a lot of people have things like this that they think about every day. Don't feel so bad about it, some women are just sluts. (Read: most to all women.)
goingunder ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 08:22:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
maybe you're just not particularly notable or striking?
Captain_0_Captain ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:11:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I've posted this elsewhere, but it's the best I got.
This kid I went to high school with--his name was Michael Jones-- "off" didn't describe Michael. Deeply emotionally disturbed is more the moniker; And, I assure you that if you read this wall of text you'll be well treated to an emotional roller coaster.
I met him in study hall of my junior year. He was sitting at a table behind me; reading a book with an oddly-large font size. He called out to me, asking me for a pen in a very monotone voice, and began walking over before I could respond and just h held his hand out, with a very sure expectance.
Little did either of us know that this was about to start a shit-show.
"I can read your aura..." He says to me.
So from what I'd collected thus far, I could tell the kid has a few screws loose, but hey, even in HS I wasn't a complete asshat, and being rather depressed myself, I decided to spit into the wind, and participate in my own abuse... So, I gave him the pen and asked him what my aura color was.
He looked serious, but in a seriously doofy way-- as if he was almost sure that there was no one around, and he was just pretending that people were there... No eye contact ever... Whatever the case, he approached me, put both hands on either side of my head and went into a "trance" state.
As he comes out of the "trance," he pretended to speak in tongues or something of that nature, and told me my aura was green.
As he went to sit back down, It became apparent that everyone had been staring at these events (a good 60 people), everyone-- including the group of skater/punk kids, whom were setting 2 tables behind the table where Mike sat, who themselves were always looking for trouble.
Those punk kids started heckling him after that (I wasn't about to get on cray cray's bad side, as I had no idea what he was capable of); it started innocently enough, asking him to read their auras while they mocked him. Then it turned into throwing paper at him, and over the weeks; pens; paperclip-launchers, etc. this went on for weeks...
But first a preface to the events that will unfold...
So, as an aside, I had this friend-- call him "Matt"-- whom just days after this first incident of aura reading, started to date this girl whom-- come to find out-- babysat this 17 year old boy Mike from my school. "How weird" I thought; "wonder if it's the same kid?!?"
A few days later were driving her to her babysitting job/thing. And when we get to the address and pull up: there in all of his grandeur, is Mike-- butt-fucking-naked and jacking off in the driveway at 4pm on a Tuesday.
This is just another Tuesday for this kid.
So Sarah got out of the car and carried him, still furiously punching his clown into the house while he stared at the ground. The house holy god, the house-- it's like if you wanted to make a Michael Meyers like character, you'd foster him in such a clusterfuck... I had a seriously uneasy feeling about this house.
I later pointed out, when we had a second to talk in private-- after the kid stopped hitting the walls in his room-- I made mention that he had the only room with bars in the windows and outside of them. Now-- don't get it twisted-- this is important: there was fucking chicken wire in the glass, and bars on his window...
that was when I was queued into information by the babysitter that disturbed me to the core, and when I realized that this kid was the perfect storm :
As my friends girlfriend explained, a year earlier the family's cat went missing one night, and it was realized in the morning. Upon inspection mike had severe scratches/bites on his genitals, legs, crotch, the cat could not be found and there was a freshly turned plot of earth under the shade tree in the back of the yard.
This was all overwhelming, to say the least, but what made it disturbing is that the new cat had this really bad walking posture, almost as if it were the old pedophile from family guys' dog. It also had a tendency to just shrivel and shake when you went to pet it...
Sooooo anyways, flash forward a few months. The punk kids are at it again in study hall-- teasing Mike and such. When all of a sudden, one of those skater kids walks up to Mike and takes a huge rubber band, and snaps him, right on the back of the neck.
Mike finally lost it
However, somewhere in his mind Mike knew that they'd beat his ass; so instead of acting beyond his means, he proceeded to charge a kameha-meha and stood there seething in rage, pretending as if he were collecting a malevolent power-- this went on for a solid 2-3 minutes... 2-3 of the most cringeworthy minutes I've ever seen or heard anyone describe hence. After some time of him standing there completely tense a teacher finally came up and escorted him out...
Okay so another story:
After all of this shit transpired I was talking to my friends girlfriend (henceforth referred to as "Sarah"), and I was asking what had been done about him, and that clearly he wasn't stable-- like "why the fuck is he allowed to be in public?"
She told me about the basics of his life: parents were huge coke-heads, and momma "Jones" was blowin' snow a LOT when she was carrying him... So born as a coke baby, raised by junkies, and completely off his rocker, this kid grew up in and out of psychiatric care; he carried a clear PVC backpack, wasn't allowed anything but regular #2 pencils, and when he came home he had to be searched for weapons or anything that could be used as a weapon, or anything that he had stolen that day.
His room was (iirc) ~10'x10' and was a mattress in the corner of he room and a closet with the doors taken off so that nothing could be hidden. He wasn't even allowed clothes in his vicinity.
Why so many precautions? one may ask...
Once, when he was eleven he'd lit a dog on fire when he was left alone and allowed out of his room, by dumping rubbing alcohol on it, holding it down and igniting it with matches. He was burned badly; The dog had to be euthanized.
He would actively seek to go outside and masturbate in public (this happened countless times before strict rules were enforced); he would try to kill anything he could find and hide-- squirrels, lizards, neighborhood cats... he was also a compulsive liar-- I was explicitly told by everyone "never ever believe him-- anything he says is a lie, just remember that, and keep a level head..."
So apropos of these events, when he'd come home, he would have to be strip searched-- literally-- spread the cheeks and everything, by either his father, mother or Sarah. This was by recommendation of a psychiatrist.
He would go months without showering, and several times, he had to be stripped in their garage and forcibly washed like a car...
After this was all dropped on me, I was essentially inducted into a position to keep an eye on the kid by the lot of them, which is where my observance comes in, in the story that follows:
Captain_0_Captain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
So now... The story...
Mike and I had gym together, and on this day we walked the 1/4 track... He'd said "hi" to me after role call-- in his monotone, nasally voice-- not unlike any other day, and walked by himself. I got to talking with some friends and forgot about him. That is: until I realized that he wasn't on the track
"fuck how long has it been? I haven't had an eye on him in 20 minutes![...] These teachers don't know this kid!" I thought at the time
So I went up to my teacher and asked to use the restroom...
"As soon as {reads clipboard} 'Mr. jones' comes back you can go..."she replied
She paused in concern, looked at her watch, and muttered audibly: "he's been out for 15 minutes..."
"Sweet titty-fucking idiots!" I thought, so I proclaimed my urgency as an emergency, and ran towards the locker rooms, which was a short jaunt away. Once I got inside, there was a hushed commotion; I went in expecting maybe a few people from other classes of something, but I could tell it was a frenzied sort of commotion.. I thought I had the jump on him, when in my sleuthing I'd noticed a locker had been left open.
As I inspected the locker to see if maybe it had been Mike tampering with it, I noted that the lockers contents looked like a "thuggish" persons belongings. I, however, continued to be vigilant, and tryed to keep my location under wraps. Though, to no avail, the door to the track opened and someone (read:Mike) ran outside...I begrudgingly went and took a piss, and then walked back, having given up on catching him... When I got back; lo and behold-- there he was; walking along, had down with an angry look on his face, looking as dodgy as ever...
I let it all slide for the time...
Class period came and went, and at the end of the period I kept track of whose locker it had been. The kid who had been using the locker, raised his hand and made it known that someone had stolen his gold chain.
The teacher searched everyone's stuff, including Mikes, but remember-- this kid was used to being strip searched between his cheeks on the daily, so I'm sure he found a way to get it out somehow... I told his sitter, and that day when he got home he was searched even more thoroughly. Found one if his books hollowed out, but no chain...
So, now it's three days later, and it's lunchtime. I was walking with my then girlfriend, when I noticed a commotion on the other side of our expansive courtyard; a circle of people jumping around and holding their hands up to their face/ looking to their peers in shock and awe, etc. so I think it's a fight and go over to check it out...
Q: Guess who the fuck is front-n-center?
A: Did you guess Mike? If you did you were right. Cause it was Mike.
So there he was-- in his red shirt that he wore almost everyday, his unkept shoes with the Velcro's so frayed that they're not even functional, and his Officer Doofy bowl-cut, and-- what's that?!?
He has on a gold-god-damned-chain.
I broke off from my girlfriend, and went to confront him, but then-- like a tidal wave what was happening actually hit me:
he was in a rap battle.
&gt; Holy_whatthefuck.png
I stepped back to watch what was to unfold as one of the most awkward, shameful expressions of humankind, that mankind has ever had to witness.
I can't tell you exactly what he was "talk-rhyming" about, but I can tell you that the last part went like this (iirc):
&gt;roses is red and them violets are blue; baby I'm mike; don't be blue[...]" (not kidding; it was this to a T)
there was more, but honestly it's been like 10 years so I'm a bit hazy on details. I can say this though: as he rounded it out, he rehashed N*Sync's tag line from their song "Bye bye bye," complete with that threefold hand movement they did in the video when they did the hook. He then motioned for room to be made, and did this weird half-assed power slide on the concrete fucked his knee up and fell on his face.
Finally as he finished, he walked away with blood dripping all over his legs through his torn jeans, leaving a crowd of kids; their emotions twisted, and faces that looked a mixture of shock and amazement.
I motioned for an administrator to come, knowing that if one saw him they'd pull him aside.
The concern on that mans face was palpable, and he took Mike to the office. I followed paces behind, and caught the dean outside of his office. I told him what I knew and what I had seen, with Mike stealing that kids chain, and how he hurt himself.
Mike went away for 3 months.
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:46:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Only 3 months?
Damn.
MlCKJAGGER ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:02:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The first concert I ever went to was Aerosmith with Lenny Kravitz opening. After he played, Lenny was walking around the stadium with just a huge crowd on him. I was lucky enough to see him kinda walk by, I go in for a selfie with my disposable camera, and feel an arm around my shoulder. "Let's get this picture man" I heard a voice say. Turn around and he's got his arm around me taking my camera and winding it up. We take a selfie as I'm starstruck as hell and he moves on. Probably my favorite concert moment.
raceAround126 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:26:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About 12 years ago, I was in university and dating this girl. Or so I thought. She friendzoned me about 3 weeks before Xmas when I confessed my undying love for her.
Added to that, my family were all taking off for a family trip and I couldn't afford to go. My Mom offered to pay for me but I didn't want a hand out. I just made out I was struggling with my course and had to stay put.
So it was three days before Xmas that I knew I'd be spending alone and was fairly miserable. My coin operated electricity meter was empty and I had about ยฃ20 tops to take me through to the new year. All my uni mates had gone home, there was only me, in an empty house with a rat problem feeling utterly like shit. I was even making it a big deal to walk to the super market, read the TV listings and decide if it was enough to warrant putting money in the meter that night or not. I spent most of my days in the university library which had closing hours over Xmas. I hated having to go home to a completely unheated rat infested house and living on 20p beans I'd stocked up on previously.
When the uni library closed, I decided randomly to go for a walk around London. Being miserable, I hadn't shaved or washed in a few days. I was sat on a bench and some woman started speaking to me. She first asked how long I had been out here. I didn't get what she meant and just replied a while and was just walking around. I wasn't until she told me that there was a soup kitchen for homeless people nearby and I should go get in from the cold that I realized she thought I was homeless. But, I was starving and she gave me a ยฃ5 note and went with it. In truth, I was starving. But it was also an eerie insight to see how the homeless in London really were and almost felt bad that technically I wasn't even homeless. I just looked it.
I came back the next day properly shaven and washed (I put money in the eleccy meter for the purpose). I asked the guy running it if he needed help. I spent the next four days (including Xmas Day and Boxing Day) washing up and occasionally serving out.
Someone I vaguely knew on my university course saw me when I was out on a smoke break. I just admitted to them that I was working there over the holidays. I didn't really think anything of it at the time.
In the new semester, when I came back everyone was telling me I was a champ and was a super awesome bloke, made a lot of friends practically overnight. The girl that friendzoned me even kinda took a little interest. (I did fuck that up again before you get hopeful, I told her I still loved her and all that pathetic shit).
But I never once let on that the main reason I worked in the soup kitchen was I felt guilty about eating there when I wasn't homeless and that it was a lot warmer than my house and I really had nothing else to do.
OK, part of me enjoyed it, the people working there were quite fun, if a little serious when the conversation got to the subject of governments and politics. And some of the homeless did scare me a little. I was young.
twommbles ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:34:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once saw a sleeping dog do a fart so bad that it woke itself up and was sick on its paws then cried for a bit.
spellman_sister ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:20:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I are currently skipping school (we're in college) and are hiking in the mountains of Peru. Our parents have no idea.
BIGpapa_duds ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:05:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was picking up some snacks for a movie night one afternoon, and the store I was in had one of those self checkout lines. So I am standing in line behind this woman, and she keeps turning and looking at me kind of out of the corner of her eye. After the 4th/5th time, I got weirded out enough that I spoke up. "Can I help you" I asked her. Her reaction was kind of like she was surprised I noticed this rando creepin me, and apologized. She said I just look exactly like her son. I let out a kind of awkward chuckle, and said something like "lucky guy, haha" or something similar. She then told me he had passed away a few months prior, and that's what had freaked her out so much. I felt like a huge ass after my "lucky guy" comment, and gave my condolences. She turned around, and started scanning her groceries, and as she was she said, "this might sound crazy, but it would mean the world to me if when I am leaving you could just give me a little wave, and say 'bye mom', unknown it's weird, but you look so much like him, it would make me so happy, if just for a moment." How could I refuse, especially after my foot-in-mouth "lucky guy" comment. So sure enough she leaves and turns back to me, and I wave and say, "bye mom" and she smiles and walks out. I proceed to scan my chips, dip and 12pk of coke, feeling like a total hero, when I see Total: $97.47!!! I call the attendant and ask why the total was so high for what should cost me MAX 12 bucks! She says, "oh, well your mom told me that you were gonna pay for her groceries." I lose my mind! "That lying bitch," I think as I run out of the store after her. I see her hauling her shit into the back of her car, and when she sees me she runs into her car and starts it. I rip the door open and try to get her out of the car, so I start pulling her leg... Just like I'm pulling yours now.
Xgenius ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:08:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
God Damnit... You got me ._.
nixcrawler ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:19:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gay
ZackSam ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:54:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
While I was studying abroad this past semester, I decided to go to a few destinations in Italy, the first being Florence. Beautiful city, but me being the adult-kid that I am wanted some herb. Very badly.
That night my friends and I end up hanging out with some other abroad students who were studying in Florence and I asked where I could acquire some marijuana. One guy tells me Piazza Croce is the place to go. After everyone is ready to go home, I decide to pay this place a visit, alone.
Piazza Croce certainly was not the place to be, barely dealer in sight and for the few that were there, they were only selling hasheesh. I didn't want any of that. I'm trying to communicate I don't want any of this in Spanish because I don't know a lick of Italian. They won't budge so I ask some locals where I can find what I'm looking for - Piazza Ambrogio. Perfect.
I walk to the Piazza to find a nice-sized crowd drinking in the streets - cool. After looking around for a few minutes I notice a guy walking up to people and talking them up. Bingo - that's my man. He mentions some steep prices, so I immediately let him know I'm not going over 30 euros. He says he'll talk to his guy.
About 10 minutes pass and this guy tells me to follow them. I follow them for about a minute before they tell me to wait again. Red flag, but whatever. 10 minutes pass and they tell me to follow again. The first guy I talked to tells me to wait about a car's length away from him and his connect - a group of 4 other guys. Red flags are waving, but I'm so close.
So this first guy I talked to comes up to me with a poorly wrapped entire hand-full of weed and states his price. Hell no - I want half. We make the deal and I knew I was kinda ripped off but whatever. It was what I came for and I got it. After our exchange, I cross the street so that the buildings are on my right side and I start inspecting the product a but closer, but not obviously. Just 20 or so steps after making the deal I'm up against the wall and there's a death grip on my hand holding the substance.
There's this man flashing a police badge in my face, yelling "POLICIA. POLICIA." Not wanting to get arrested or lose what I've worked so hard to get, I say "Es una mentira." (It's a lie.) He keeps yelling "Policia" at me and I'm not having it. He surprsingly lets me inspect his badge which was in a dirty plastic case with some poorly written paperwork behind it (not that I could have understood much of it). I look him up and down and he's not wearing a uniform at all and the fact that he has me up against a wall is shady to start with.
After trying to get the attention of passers by to no avail, I decide I need to get out of there. Since he was roughing me up a bit, I exclaimed, "LA POLICIA NO HACE ESTO!" (The police don't do this!) This catches him off guard, so I take the chance to push him away and take off. I lose almost half of the weed because he had a death grip on my hand and he attempts to sweep my legs out from under me, causing me to almost run headfirst into a truck. Thankfully I recovered and ran as fast as I could until I was back in Piazza Croce.
After calming down, I took a look at myself: a little bit of skin ripped off of my fingers from his grip, a nice-sized cut on my leg from the sweeping kick, and way less bud than I paid. I fell for a classic set-up.
TL;DR - Went to Florence, Italy. Wanted weed. Almost got scammed by a fake police officer and accomplices.
hoppy_day ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:50:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I must first explain that I am an older American punk rocker dude (30 or so at the time of this story) who never really grew up and wore (not as much anymore) a crazy spiked leather jacket and when Iโd put up my brightly colored mohawk itโd be at least a foot tall. Had it most of my life. That has led to so many great encounters with strangers. I love meeting people, and at least 95% of interactions have been positive. I have answered the same 5 or so questions thousands of times (e.g., how do you get it to do that?! And my favorite: how long is it when itโs down? My response: the same length. I dunno what else to say to that one, haha).
On to the story. I am fairly adventurous and love to travel to new cities or towns just to do random things. One trip I went to Birmingham, Alabama. I actually had one event planned: to go to the Civil Rights Institute. Dr. King is one of my heroes. Other than that, I was open to whatever happens. I leave my cheap hotel fairly early in the morning, but I decided to put my hair up. I often donโt in new places, because I tend to end up in some questionable areas sometimes, so itโs better to blend (as much as a tall dude with a bright mohawk can โblendโ when itโs down). But for some reason I decided to put it up this day. I get to the Institute and am buying my ticket at the outside window when this guy comes around the corner and stops with a surprised but happy look on his face. Iโd get that a lot. I canโt remember if I spoke first, but he said, โMy kids would love to get a picture with you!โ This has happened countless times. Iโm almost always happy to oblige. Itโs fun. I say, โSure!โ I was in the middle of buying a ticket so I said Iโd come around before I went in. Iโm imagining a couple of kids and they will have a great picture moment, and that will be that. I come around the corner and there was a huge yellow school bus with DOZENS of 3rd graders seeing me and screaming with excitement. I hear the teacher guy on the microphone saying that โthe cool hair guy is going to let us take a picture!โ more โYAAAAAAYs!โ It was like the biggest celebrity came to see them. I know Iโm already locked into this thing, so Iโm waving and smiling and theyโre just eating it up. As I get closer this SEA of children pour out of the bus and surround me and they were so excited. They were asking me all kinds of questions, saying โthatโs so cool!โ etc.
But then I realize that theyโre there for an important learning experience (civil rights), so I start asking them in a teacherly way, โWhat did you come to learn about today?โ โCivil rights!โ theyโd yell in unison. โWhoโs an important civil rights leader?โ Responding again in unison, โDr. Martin Luther King!โ It was so great. Thenโฆ one kid asked me if she could touch it. People would ask this, and if they werenโt dicks about it, Iโd say cool. But sometimes Iโd say no, and they would get either sad or angry. But they were having such a good time. I said, โokay, but gently.โ My bad. These kids went freaking NUTS. That sea of children I mentioned turned into sharks. They were jumping over each other to get at it, and all the while Iโm saying โgently! Like petting a bunny!โ It was the only thing I could think of, because I was laughing so hard. I look over at the teacher and he is dying laughing. He wanted to help, but he saw the absolute joy and chaos of the moment and couldnโt do anything, but he finally said, โOkay, kids. Letโs get our picture with the nice man and let him get on with his day.โ They complied and we took several shots finding silly poses and the like. Then I realized weโd all be going into the Institute together. I had some interaction here and there, but they all were well behaved and everyone, including me, realized why they were there in the first place.
It was just an amazing time to have this bus full of African-American kids see a crazy looking white dude like me at the Civil Rights Institute and have such a fun interaction. I hope I had a lasting impact on their lives, because they certainly had one on mine. That was years ago and I still think about it with so much appreciation. <p.s., I have lost all pics from this day, but I keep hoping theyโll turn up. If by some miniscule chance the teacher sees this, then let me know. Iโd love to have a picture of this day.>
TL;DR: Mohawk leads to joyous shark children.
JayMedic22 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:01:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Paramedic here.
I always get asked what's the worst thing I've ever seen. I've seen a lot of depressing shit so I always respond by telling them about the time I delivered a baby in my internship.
We get a call at about 11 at night for a woman in labor. Most of the time these turn out to be false contractions or someone who's not even close to delivering. We show up in a pretty crappy neighborhood and walk into the bathroom to find a 29 year old lady on her back with her knees bent up. This lady is probably a drug addict, has had no prenatal care, no prenatal vitamins, has not seen a doctor, and only found out she was pregnant a couple weeks ago. Its her third time being pregnant.
I step over and take a look, and see the baby's head. I quickly grab our OB kit, open it, and watch as all the supplies inside go flying all across the room. Damn it...
So I kneel over and she says that she has to push so I get ready to deliver the kid. NOW, one of the things we are taught to do is to put pressure on the perineum (taint.) This prevents the vagina from tearing during delivery. I go to do this, miss, and accidentally stuck my thumb in her butthole. I quickly recover (I don't think she even noticed) and delivered a baby girl.
The baby came out perfect, and it was easily the greatest moment in my ems career. However, that is how I got the nickname 'Thumbmaster' and also how I had to throw away my first watch as a medic.
brodoyouevenscript ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:47:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I won a stripping contest at a gay bar by being drunk.
So in our area one of the only bars that's open to 18 and up is a gay bar. So alot of college girls go there to dance because it's the only place they can get in. There was a stripping contest one night and my friend thought it would be fun to try out. I got black out drunk because there was a drink special going on.
All I remember was that I won $100 from a stripping contest. Turns out they called my friend's name (who has the same first name as me) and I tripped onto the stage visibly hammered. When the music started playing I just stood there in awe until a transvestite undressed me to my underwear. The contest was graded based on cheering and the crowd loved me. I won and ate a burger. I woke up thinking I actually killed the competition until my friends told me. I feel bad for all the contestents who actually put in alot of effort and danced their hearts out, but $100 is $100.
TL;DR, Black out drunk won $100 dollar stripping contest at a gay club by being stripped by a tranny.
Ima90sChild ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:50:41 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was 15 I did something that I would regret for the rest of my life. The crazy thing was, It was almost 2 weeks before my birthday when it all happened.
I was hanging around with the wrong type of people. These people I was hanging out with, who I just recently met, did not care about the future and are focused on the present. They smoke , drink alcohol , and did drugs. I was young and didn't know what I was getting myself into.
One day , a group of us was bored and didn't know what to do. Most of the people was riding their bikes and they was planing to ride around. For the people who didn't have a bike we wanted one to tag along. So we decided to beat up people and take their bikes.
As we was looking around for potential victims , we saw a guy riding his bike home and he got in front of his house. We suddenly jump into action, being kinda new to the group , I wanted to show that I can hang around these people and that I can be tough. So I ran up first and hit first. The guy had his bicycle U lock in his hand and when I hit him , it smashes into his head. He was leaking bad. At least 6 other people followed up and also hit him.
I took the bike and rode it to our chill spot at the park. A couple minutes later, we see police everywhere. I dropped the bike and everybody ran in different directions.
Everyone got away from the police , except for me. I was also wearing slippers that day and I really couldn't get far. The police caught me a couple blocks down and they seen the blood on my pants from the guys when the bike U lock hit him in the head. I was arrested for the very first time.I was scared for my life.
How do you tell your mom , you're arrested for commuting a crime ? You couldn't . It was hard breaking the news to her. When she came to pick me up , her face was in tears. I told myself never to do anything like that again and to think before I do anything.
The police gave me a court date to see the judge. The judge gave me 6 months of probation and a medical bill for 4,300. I was lucky enough that my parents paid it off for me. And I promised to paid them back every cent. Because if they didn't pay for it, i would have been in placement for a couple years. That was 4 years ago now I graduated high school and a freshmen in college and I'm also working to pay off the money. So far I paid my patents back $1000 just $3,250 more to go. Overall I learned my lesson to not hang around the wrong people and to think before I do something. This experience also made me a better person, it taught me discipline , to respect other people's property they work hard for it, and most importantly to be kind to one another. Everybody has problems in their life , let's not make it worse for them.
imFakeSnake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:11 on June 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a story of how I sunk into a depression, and then how the words of an old man who I thought I'd never see again helped me get better. It's quite long, but I think people will be interested and also shocked at some of the stuff that happened. I hope that reading it helps people who may have been in my position.
So 8 years ago, I was 9 years old when I got scouted to play football for the local (academy) team. This was serious. I turned up to the stadium feeling more nervous than I ever had in my life, because there were literally thousands of boys my age there. I thought 'how will they ever pick me out of all these boys?' But I went through with it. I don't actually remember how well I played, but I must have done well because at the end I was approached and told to come to training for the squad. I didn't realise at first, but I had made it! I was one of twelve boys my age that they had chosen out of thousands, I was one of the 12 best footballers in my county.
Fast forward three years, and I've turned from a weak 9 year old into a complete machine. You need to understand I was signed by a proper football team, their academy system wanted to produce players which could actually play for their first team when they were old enough. Everyone in our team had enough raw talent - or we wouldn't be there. What they needed from us was to be physically excellent as well. So they put us through intense physical training programmes. We trained 4 times a week, 2 hours each session. Now that I look back at it I realise how horrific it was, they made us run and run and run, sometimes we puked from exhaustion, sometimes we fainted, sometimes both. But we believed it was necessary, so we forced ourselves to carry on, because we all had the dream pretty much every boy has of becoming a professional footballer.
As well as the intense physical training - the laps, the sprints, the sit ups and push ups, the 1 minute-planks, we had to do mental training also. I mean, we literally used to sit there, a group of 12 year olds, saying/thinking to ourselves over and over 'I am the best, I am the fastest, I am the strongest'. This is what our coaches told us to do, they told us that to be the best, we had to believe we were the best.
Fast forward another two years, I'm still there, I've managed to keep my spot for 6 years, and it shows. My legs are huge, I felt like I could break bricks, I had a six pack even when I wasnt tensing, I had pecks, broad shoulders, a firm butt, I had everything you would expect after 6 years of a strict physical training system - I was more than a footballer, I was an athlete. I could have run 100m in 11 seconds, jogged back to you and done it again, all at the age of 15. I was at the peak of my physical fitness... and then they released me. Yep. The reason? They found someone better, and that's what hurt the most. He wasn't as fit as me, but man, when he had the ball at his feet he was magical. And I was pushed aside, just like that. 6 years gone. Thousands of hours of training, thousands of pounds worth of petrol, multiple tours around Europe.. all meaningless in just one day. And here I was, left with nothing but this ridiculous, freakish body which I no longer had any use for.
When I got home that night, something died in me. For the next two years, I went into auto-pilot mode. I went to school, I did my homework, I came home and slept. There was no joy, no anything. My athlete's body soon wasted away. My legs turned to fat, my arms became weak, my shoulders sagged and my posture turned bad. I started to put on weight, and did not touch a football for 2 years. I fell into a depression, all I felt was lonely and sad - until last week.
Last week my friend said 'hey, why don't you come pre-season training tonight... it could be fun'. I said 'ok' even though I knew I wouldn't go, and he knew it also. But when I got home I watched a world cup game and all of a sudden I got this hunger to kick a ball.. for the first time in what felt like forever.
So I go to the pre season training of my local team, and meet someone there I thought I'd never see again. I'll call him B, and he was a physio at my old team which I had been released from. He saw me and recognised me, and walked over. He was a little old man, shorter than me, stern-looking, but I knew him to be kind. He looked me up and down and said 'What happened to you, lad?'
I said 'I kind of... haven't done anything since I got released.'
At once he seemed to understand, and he beckoned me to come and sit with him on a bench.
the following speech from B is what dragged me out of my depression and turned my life around
'I remember when I first saw you,' he said, 'you were 9, and small and scared. I knew you were good just by watching your trial, and I knew what they would do to you. What they do to young kids at that place is wrong. Do you know why I quit?' I shook my head. 'I quit because 2 months ago, a young lad was being forced to run laps, just like you were. He fainted and vomited, and I had to clear the sick from his throat to stop him from choking. When he woke, the coach told him he still had two laps to run. I said to the coach "No, this lad's run his race, I'm taking him in". So I saved this lad, then I quit, because I couldn't believe that if I wasn't there, they still would have made him run after he near enough died.'
He took a breath and this point, looked out at the sky, then continued:' 'Out of the thousands of kids I saw pass through that system, you were one of the best I ever saw. It hurt me to see you go, son. Remember when you bruised your ankle so bad you couldn't walk? It was me who patched you up. And when you pulled your wee hammy? It was me who carried you off the pitch, it was me who made you better. And then they released you, just like that. Like I said, you were one of the best, but not the best. The best was a boy called Jamie, he was taller than you, but not as muscly. I could stand over there' he said, gesturing to a tree 40 yards away, ' and he could ping a ball to me so sweetly I could catch it in my hands without moving. He was a different class. And they released him.'
'What? Why?' I asked
At this point he looked me in the eye and said 'Son, I've been asking myself the same question for 20 years. But do you get my point? They make bad decisions all the time. That doesn't mean you should stop playing the game you love! Look around you, what do you see? You see a pitch, with two goals and a ball. Yeah, it may not be as grand or as well kept as it was back there, but you can still play and enjoy yerself. Now, you come back here twice a week for two hours, and I'll be here. I'll help you get fit again, I will not turn you back into the machine you once were, but I'll damn well make you fit enough to play. Boy would I like to see you play again. Now come on, I'm a busy man.'
I felt so much better, I felt like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time... Why had it taken me so long to realise? They hadn't released me, I had finally released myself from them! I stood up with a grin on my face, and before he left I asked him,
'What happened to Jamie?'
B turned to me with a smile,
'I'm glad you asked, Jamie never touched a ball again in his life, but he's married with two kids, and you'd be hard pushed to find a happier man alive.'
With this, I shook B's hand and turned around, ready to join my first training session in two years.
oodluvr ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:41:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I already posted a story but I love this one. Freshman basketball practice in the morning. It's near the end of the season and I was out. Benched the entire season and the coach was such a dick. Well we're all goofing around and I throw a basketball across to the second court and as it's flying I realize I totally missed my mark and it might hit the coach. Just my luck, it hits the guy and knocks his glasses off. He wasn't as pissed as I thought he'd be.
One of my prouder moments in high school.
iamleighanne ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:42:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Two days ago I fell into a puddle in the lashings of rain. On the first day of my holiday. Fucked my ankle. Missed out on all the fun. So far I've watched a lot of Dutch TV alone and found out that 16th Century Dutch house make terrifying noises when it's dark and you're alone. Also we're on the third floor and I can't walk. Fuck.
WishboneOffense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
man-the-fuck-up. really.
VerlorenFormaat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The weather is shit anyway. So have a friend drop off some weed or hash and truely enjoy the Dutch television.
iamleighanne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got so stoned at home alone and then got really giggly and sat watching cake boss being jealous of all the cakes! It was fun :)
toxicbox ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:12:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My misadventures in a college communal bathroom/laundry rooms.
There's the basic stuff, shaving in a sink and then just leaving it covered in hair. Spitting loogies into them and not washing them down the drain. Leaving semen dripping down the shower walls. Having sex in the handicap shower at 11 PM when everyone is brushing their teeth or masturbating loudly.
Then there's the REALLY gross stuff. Memorably some guy coating a urinal in blood. Someone putting a turd into a dryer and turning it on. People rubbing shit onto the walls of stalls. Waffle stomping in the showers/having diarrhea in them. Someone setting a turd on fire in the middle of the bathroom. Shaving their pubes onto the floor in front of everyone and then not cleaning them up.
The worst by far was some sort of bizarre joke animal sacrifice. We all woke up to a dead chicken in the laundry room with a pentagram drawn in what was presumably blood around it. They never did find out who did that though.
ManlyString ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:04:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wtf.
Divisadero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:38:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man and to think I used to feel bad for the janitors at my college for having to clean up hair dye in the girls' showers.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Goddammit I miss dorms.
anincompoop25 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:30:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So last weekend I was home from school, and mom made me a nice lunch. It was some chicken, some corn and some real nice strawberries. I wasn't all that hungry because I had already eaten like two hours ago, so I was going through it all real slow. I like cutting up my strawberries with a knife into slices, no real reason, just to slow down a bit. I started cutting this big one. The first slice was just the tip, and was really seedy, The second slice was a good one though, it made up for the first. On the third one, my hand slipped and a put a little too much into the last flick. This little perfect slice off strawberry flies a little too far, just barely bounces off the edge of my plate, and hits the floor. After a few seconds I really start looking at this little red slice on the floor, and it hits me that I can't just leave it there. I have to pick it up. I start crying my eyes out because I have to pick up this tiny little piece of food that I so clumsily dropped. For the first time in ten years I had to pick food up off my dining room floor. It was my first time being home since my big ol yellow lab passed away from lymphatic cancer. The house just feels so empty now.I'll miss her.
losian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Heh. It's funny how little things like that pop up. I lost my first dog (who I had raised from a pup, he was 11 or 12 or so at the time when he died) and it's such a huge adjustment. Just.. You wake up and they aren't there. You get home and open the door, they aren't there. Your kitchen floor isn't a place for fallen foods to become opportune snacks..
It's rough. The habits are what really surprise you after the fact; you know they're gone, but still hits ya.
JigglypuffPC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:09:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That turned dark real quick.
franchise235 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:16:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for your loss.
darkshine05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Horribly good
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 01:36:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
A_Wooper ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:16:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i feel bad for the kid :(
Slenderauss ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:04:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. My school had d-bag kids like JNF12345 as well though. They had no remorse, proven by the time they pulled my pants and underpants off while I was on the monkey bars when I was six. They laughed, but everyone else felt bad for me and hated those kids.
Kingdomheartsfan891 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:22:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, I think OP is an asshole
The_Susan ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:51:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Who cares he's black.
Hafell ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've got a couple friends that are in a band together, and sometimes I send them bundles of treats. All their mail has to go through management (because sometimes people send them nasty things), so instead of getting it directly, they always get an already opened box from the managers.
One time, the managers gave the band a giant box (about 24" x 20"x 5") and said it was from me. They were in the middle of a bus tour and barely had time to breathe, so they didn't get to the box until about a week later. The box was filled to the brim with packing peanuts. Tucked into the corner, however, was a 3 foot long, giant rubber dildo.
Not coincidentally, it was the same dildo this band had hauled around as a running gag on their first major bus tour several months before. It only took them a minute to realize what management had done, but I'm sure for a solid ten seconds their reactions were priceless.
coolkids5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:58:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One day at school me and my friend where walking to our lockers when I noticed there was a picnic table not even 2ft from my locker (we had out door lockers). I suggested we should eat there at lunch and we did, after some annoying people started to come over and join in we decided to have a bouncer. We payed a kid in food to do whatever we say for the entire lunch period. Then things got weird and who was the so called "President" of the table got messed up. I had some odly soft teddy grams in my lunch that day which we grounded up. To become the "President" of the table someone had to sniff up the entire bag...which was like the size of a bannana.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:13:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is some awful pot-head logic right there.
wilbefeard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:16:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On my way home tonight i was approaching a stoplight at the end of a road that leads into town. As I am getting closer I see something in the middle of the road, could it be a really shaggy dog or even a grocery bad, who knows? So I slow my car down to avoid this object and as I inch closer the image becomes more and more clear. Along with this clearer image comes the realization of what I am about to encounter... A possum, with it's offspring in it's mouth. The frightened creature dropped the small one (this one was playing "possum"). I then proceeded to drive away thinking how cool this was because I had never seen a possum in real life, I thought they were only true in mutha and fairy tails
miniowa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:26 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have possum in my yard frequently. They are more friendly than I would like.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:20:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So my english teacher had a assignment for us where we had to make a advertisment.
The teist was that we had to present it to the whole class.So my scumbag body body decided it was perfect time for wood.
My teacher went and said "Frostyfork please come up and present your assignment."
So when I was up in front of the whole class it was very noticeable. I then proceeded to do the "Texas Tuck" in front of a class of 18.
Tl; dr: rubbed a goat
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:22:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just gotta own up to it, look them dead in the eyes, and scream "I LOVE CAPITALISM" to assert your dominance. At this point you could probably start jackin' it. No one will say anything. I've been to high school, I know how the game is played.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:36:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:44 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting. Where's a good place to start learning about this kind of thing?
PartyWizard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:57:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I'm waiting in line for the pay phone, and the guy using it turns around and tips his hat like this (tips hat ) and who do you think that guy was?! Emelio Esteves, the mighty ducks man I swear to god. I was like "EMELIOOOOOOOO"
PancakEDABunneH ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:58:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a Gargoyle kill somebody years ago... I don't think anybody would believe me if I told them. I made a sculpture of the creature though. I promised I would never tell anybody about it... But I think it's time I told my wife.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:17:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you should do that.
PancakEDABunneH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, sorry. Was hammered last night and had just watched "Tales from the Darkside." Go look it up, bit of an Inside joke.
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:26:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In conjunction with beatnik there, it may be time for a psych eval.
PancakEDABunneH ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:14:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, sorry. Was hammered last night and had just watched "Tales from the Darkside." Go look it up, bit of an Inside joke.
Mojohito ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:28:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in the middle of a break up that's pretty much left me broken. I got word from her for the first time in a week that we can talk about it. I'm really anxious about it - all I want is to be back together with her, but I don't know how she feels.
Limbo is a bad place for anyone, and if any of you ever have to go through a break up, make sure you get as much information out of your ex as possible. It's better to be hurt then, than hurt for a long time afterward.
j1zzfist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just letting you know, I read this, and I get it.
Mojohito ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:43:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have friends to help me think about other stuff, but none of them have said anything as helpful as this.
j1zzfist, wherever you are, I really appreciate it.
j1zzfist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:46:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm right here with you man. Same shit, different girl. Kind of helps to know someone else out there feels the same.
DetestableDervish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:38:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was standing in line at an Aldi. A little girl, probably somewhere between 7 and 9 years old, walked up close to me, looked up, turned to her mom and, with a voice filled with wonder, said: "A monster!" I thought it was adorable but her mother was horrified; she called the girl back and gave me a silent apology.
I should mention that I'm not in any way deformed, nor am I particularly ugly. But I am a large man with a somewhat wild beard. And I've been told I'm scary looking.
Qweniden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My three year has done stuff like that. I feel horrible.
"look daddy, a weird man!"
defectiveusername ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:49:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I went to Wendy's a few weeks ago and chugged a large lemonade so I had to pee. I walk in to the restroom thinking it was for more than one person, NBD. There's an old guy wearing a fedora and coat pissing. I started to notice it was for one person when I only saw one urinal and I thought shit I should go. Before I even moved, the old guy locks the door mid-piss. At this point I'm thinking "Shit, I'm about to get raped." So I run to the door, unlock it, and I run out. As I'm running out I hear the guy grunt and yell wait. I grabbed the rest of my lemonade and got the fuck out of there. It was my first time at Wendy's and I am never returning. TL;DR: Don't go to Wendy's. If you do, check to see if the bathroom is for multiple people.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:34:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is so damn horrifying; of course he was wearing a fedora.
anu26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Trenchcoat and fedora? Carmelo Sandiego?
skaternewt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:59:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
My first grade teacher is a great guy. My family kept in touch with his all the way through elementary, middle and high school.
We have a vacation home in the mountains and one winter we let him and his family (wife, 2 kids both a little older than me) use it. We get alot of snow there in the winter, and there is about an 8 mile road into town. Parts of this road are next to incredibly steep cliffs leading into a river, at some places the road is right next to a 200ft drop with no guard rails.
My teacher, was with his buddy and they were about to head into town. The problem was one of his doors wouldn't close. This had never happened before, and he had no idea what was wrong with it. But, he had an old pickup and shit is broken everywhere, so he just used a bungee cord to keep it closed and didn't think much of it. As they head down the road, he hits a patch of black ice and spins off the road. Luckily, he doesn't go off the cliff, but instead he goes off an 80 degree hill.
When he wakes up, he finds his buddy and they are both unharmed. At this point he's thinking "maaaan that was crazy" (his words). A police officer comes down to them from the road and says "oh shit, you guys ok? We were about to look for bodies!"
So they talk to the cops, who really don't give a fuck because its bumfuck eastern Washington and they're half drunk, until the tow truck driver comes. The truck driver literally falls out of his truck and is promptly arrested for DUI.
Eventually, they get home and his wife is "asking pointless questions" like "where were you? Where is the car? Why did you come back in a cop car?" To deal with all these questions, he grabs a beer and takes a nap, and that was that.
But wait, you're probably wondering, how did he not die? Spinning off an 80 degree, 100ft hill? You would roll the car until its crushed and you are thrown from it! Well, its pretty miraculous.
Remember the bungee cord I mentioned earlier? They used to keep the door closed? Well as soon as they spun off, the cord broke for no real reason and the door opened. This propped the car up as it slid down the hill and stopped it from rolling. It is incredible that he lived, and if there is a god, he was definitely helping out that day.
JARZMcPICKLEZ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:05:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About an hour ago, I was told that I needed to take the trash out and put the leftover pizza in the fridge. So I went to the trash can and tossed the pizza and walked over to the fridge with a bag of trash in my hands, only then realising the terrible mistake I'd made...
...not very much happens to me.
Binary_Omlet ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:18:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I cracked an egg and poured the yolk into the trash and was about to use the shell once.
totric ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:15:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My current experience with terminal cancer..
miniowa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:11 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry. Sending you lovely thoughts.
totric ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
not its a joke because i have to be dying to tell it
miniowa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:21 on July 26, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Goddammit. Just saw this. Hatechu.
totric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:44 on July 26, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RIP
miniowa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:44 on July 26, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Santa has coal for you this year.
Hands0L0 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:58:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well Paris Hilton was DJing AC and I was swimming not even 20 feet from the stage at Harrahs tonight. Kinda surreal I guess. She was pretty average and kept shouting YOUNG MONEY. Yes Paris you're rich. That's why you can do all of this stuff.
Ammarzk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:14:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just to be clear I have a motorcycle which I was riding once along a busy road once. Lots of traffic,could barely see what was in front of me;it was a very wide road with many fruit stands on the sides.Since traffic wasn't moving I just tried to cut from the side and in doing so knocked over a fruit stand and heard the owner cry "My watermelons!"
He couldn't understand why I was sniggering so much
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Right on, metal-benders unite. What kind of bike do you ride?
Ammarzk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:31:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, it really is nothing. A Honda CD-70.Cheapest thing ever
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Right on, two wheels is two wheels. I ride a Suzuki sv650, beautiful little machine with just the right amount of power to it for me.
truckbot101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did you help him put everything back in order?
Ammarzk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yes! He was fuming when we were done,ranting about irresponsible drivers and all.
declineman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:20:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TLDR: Guy gets free holiday, gets frontpage with his post. I asked company for a free holiday too, and get one. Fuck yeah. Thanks reddit!
A few years ago a guy called Thomas Cook asked the travel company Thomas Cook for a holiday to Paris, citing that he had the same name, and that he had been working for them his entire life. They declined, but another company called lowcostholidays contacted him and gave him a holiday to Paris for a week with a friend. He posted the photo onto reddit and went top.
When they contacted him, they actually said "if you were called Mr Lowcostholidays, we'd have given you the holiday". This is a very important part of the story.
I, like everyone else, wanted a free holiday too. I checked out the holiday companies website for prices. To find prices, you have to first pick a date (as holiday prices change per time of year). I did, looked at some hotels, when I saw it cost more than my holiday, I closed the window.
But then an exit survey popped up, "tell us why you're leaving". I proceeded to tell them that ever since I was born, I'd been picked on for being called Mr Lowcostholidays. I then did a bit of ass kissing, calling them the internet's favourite travel company. I asked for a holiday to Greece for a week for my SO and I.
Three weeks passed. Then I received a text message, "Thank you for your feedback, it made us laugh, we're giving you a free holiday. This is not an April fools. A sales team member will call you. Regards, Mr Smiley".
The important bit here is that they said if the guy was called "Mr Lowcostholidays", they'd give a holiday. By saying I was called Mr Lowcostholidays, I had exploited a loophole and they had to oblige. They kept their word!
Mr Smiley, it turns out, was the COO of the travel company. I thought it was a joke, that I had told someone at work and they were going to call me and pretend to give me a holiday. But the call arrived, and I booked a ยฃ1000 holiday for ยฃ0 for the following June.
Come June the next year, I was a bit worried. What if it wasn't real? What if it was a hoax? But when I was sat on the plane, wondering if the hotel existed, and then when I was sat in the hotel room, I realised it was real.
So I guess you don't get anything if you don't ask for it.
I had a great holiday, have a great story to tell people, and got a fucktonne of brownie points with my girlfriend.
I never got karma though, my post got downvoted to hell, but you can't have everything right?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:23:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mine happened today, I haven't told anyone I knew even though I was super proud of myself because I thought it would take away from the act, I hope that's not the case when I tell it here on reddit, even though I am kinda bragging about a good deed.
I was at costco in a kinda ghetto area buying some stuff and while I'm in line there's this hispanic couple that comes up behind me with a cart that's got some stuff in it. They looked really really poor, they had some huggies in the cart some snacks and some other stuff. The guy tells me ""no card" I sai "at all? or here?" He says "no at all". Initially for whatever reason this made me a little peeved but I said "yeah sure," and he starts very humbly pushing his little cart with his wife they just looked ashamed in general. Maybe I'm projecting on them but I've been around impoverished people my whole life, family members were very poor it's just something I have been around.
My turn, I ring up my stuff and I say that their stuff is on the same costco card, then I say "Actually can you put all this stuff on my debit" The man looks shocked to his core, he offers me some money from a ratty wallet and I say in spanish "no esta bien, no te preoccupas" they both look at me like "wtf" but I think they were in no position to turn it down. So he just kept saying "gracias, gracias, gracias mi amigo" "I just kept saying "de nada"
I walk out with them and we go our seperate ways, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself, I bid them adieu and they go off.
Then I hear someone calling I turn around and an older woman comes up to me and says "Did you buy the stuff for those folks?" I said "yeah" and she starts tearing up and gives me a hug and said "that's like the coolest thing I've ever seen." Then walks away. The whole experience has a really nice warm glow to it in my memory. Would do again.
SPOOFE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:36:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're awesome. I hope life brings you more awesome.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:38:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aw, thanks very much.
shortisosceles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:23:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aged 7, I was technically responsible for losing a llama.
Yet when my sister lost a llama a year later in similar circumstances, no one was cross with her at all! So unfair!
Icansmellitnow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:25:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to Reddit Warner Bros!
SPOOFE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hi! Please watch our awful movies!
danear ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:45:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I drove a scooter into a restaurant in Thailand. Interestingly enough that day I also realized Thailand has no drive through restaurants.
TheCheeese ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:00:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I used to have an obsession with fireworks, Fire in generally really, but fireworks were my favorite. Instead of trying to get in the cookie jar I spent time scheming how to get the fireworks from my dads office. I lit my first ground bloomer off when I was 6 with a magnifying glass. Anyways, one October they were setting up a pretty sizable pumpkin parch for our city and had moved tons of lumber, rides, and truckloads of hay. My buddy who was about 14, I was 11 at the time, had just stolen some fireworks too so we ran to the lot to go light them off. He has the brilliant idea to hide behind the hay stacks and light them off. Within a few seconds we realize we really boofed this one, and he's already almost halfway home and Im trying to stomp out the fire. The fire spread quickly, and burned down a burger king. The only people that knew were my buddy, my sister, my dad and I. About three years ago, we finally actually told my mom. To this day however, the public believes it was started by a belligerent hobo.
SimplyRH ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:13:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I once received an amazing internship in LA. I contacted a random acquaintance and asked if I could stay on his couch and he said "sure, no problem". I flew out (I'm from Kentucky, by the way) and within one week I watched him abuse his girlfriend horribly to the point that when he took off with her car drunkenly and she was crying on my shoulder I convinced her to call the cops.
Cops arrive as he does, he resists arrest and gets tazed and taken off to jail where we find out he had several warrants for his arrest totaling to around $50,000. Her and her mother thanked me over and over for getting her out of her abusive relationship. However, she was moving home to Sacramento and I couldn't stay there since he was in jail and the apartment was in her name.
I subsequently had to leave my awesome internship, but I helped a stranger get out of a potentially life-threatening situation. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
Edit: this is certainly the short version of this story. I just didn't want to walk-of-text it like everyone else seems to be doing. Any budding filmmakers want to write this movie? Let's call it "Seven Days in L.A.". It'll be magic.
Edit 2: drunk.
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:15:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This story will make me seem like a far better guy than I actually am, so, don't tell any single girls, but here goes: in 8th grade I was playing baseball on a very competitive traveling team that was one of the best teams in my region (western USA, excluding California). We won every single tournament we entered up until national ones, we were legit.
Anyways, the other REALLY good team from our area had this one great pitcher - let's call him Jesse. Our coach, who was kind of aggressive, told us one day that if any of us hit a line drive back at the pitcher and hit him with the ball, he'd give that hitter $20. (which is kind of bullshit since the hitter doesn't really control where the ball goes off the bat, especially when you're 14 years old).
Anyways, sure enough, about two weeks later we're facing Jesse, and he's dominating us. I get up to the plate and hit a line drive right back at him, and it bounces right off his leg. He stays in the game, but I end up scoring a run. I get back to the dugout and my coach is there, and he slips me a $20 and the rest of the team is high fiving me and patting me on the back.
Still, something didn't really sit right with me about the idea of hitting somebody and potentially injuring them (Jesse was fine, but the principle), and getting money for it. Oh yeah. My 8th grade summer was two months after Columbine, and the team I played for fed right into Columbine High School (though I attended elsewhere). So I decided to mail the $20 to the Dave Sanders Memorial Scholarship Fund - named for the teacher who was killed at Columbine. Only told my mom about it, and she helped me find the address and mail the letter.
TL;DR received money in a somewhat nefarious baseball wager, canceled it all out by donating it to a place in need.
TheJay5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:06:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I lived at the beach, my house was the usual place my friends would all come to and drink. My cousin decided she had enough of her town and was coming to live with me. On the night she arrived with her girlfriend (I had cleaned the house, made up her room, etc.), some of my friends had shown up and we started drinking. This led to them calling more people, which I didn't mind. One of the guys they called, I had never met before (call him Joe). Everyone is drinking, bullshitting around, and it is getting late. Well by now the house is not so clean, and my cousin shows up. Introduce her to everyone, welcome to the party. Someone asks, "Has anyone seen Joe?" Nobody has seen him for a good 30 mins at least (come to find out later, he is a bit of an irresponsible drinker). All of a sudden we see someone running down a darkened street towards the house...it's Joe. There are a cluster of bars about 12 blocks from my house, and that was the direction he was coming from. Also, one of those bars has an awesome late night hot dog cart outside of it. Jos is running down the street, huge grin on his face, arms outstretched with about eight hot dogs piled high in each hand. Behind him is a homeless man (obviously drunk as well), running after him and screaming how he wants "One o' dem weiners". Joe gets to the house sweating his ass off, and we are pissing ourselves laughing. Homeless guy stands at the edge of the driveway until we relent and give gime a beer and a dog, and send him on his way. Note: This is just the first of many Joe stories I got to experience firsthand, seeing as how he eventually became my roommate and very good friend.
ForgottenFuture ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:11:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I request more joe stories
Camphikefishbike ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:22:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes please, more.
TheJay5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, here's two. One night after we became roommates, we decided to go to the bar. It was quite crowded and we were separated. I'm thinking no big deal, I will find him eventually. The night wears on and I end up walking home alone. I go in the house and knock on his bedroom door, but no answer. Call his phone, no answer. By this time, I have hit the "Fuck everything, I'm drunk and tired" part of the night, so I go to sleep. Wake up, go to kitchen to make coffee, and he is sitting in the kitchen with coffee already made. I ask him where the hell he disappeared to. He says he woke up in the lawn on the side of the house...covered in ants. I completely missed him in my drunken stupor and the fact there are no lights shining that way. The other one is when I took him home with me (Detroit). We went to a Caribou Coffee in the afternoon, in an affluent neighborhood (Grosse Pointe, MI). So, we are having coffee, and Joe says his stomach isn't feeling so well, and he needs to have a shit. He disappears for around 20 minutes, and comes back looking real nervous. Apparently, he opened the door of the bathroom, thinking it was a multi-toilet one. It was a single toilet, with a guy already in there. The guy was washing his hands, but assured Joe it was no big deal and he could come in. Joe being the shy sort of guy he was, was standing there, awkwardly waiting for the guy to finish wash his hands and leave so he could shit. The guy turns to him and matter-of-factly asks "Wanna fuck?" Joe politely turns him down and the guy shrugs and leaves. He said he was so confused that he read some graffitti on the walls and noped the fuck out of there. Completely forgot to shit...
TL;DR Roommate gets drunk and sleeps with ants, and gets propositioned for gay sex then forgets to shit
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:04:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Rip_Dat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:00:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Rlaing, my friend, we've been looking for you
SirEbabalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dibs
TheMrMadzen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:10:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once cut a mosquito in half midair with a sword letter opener.
Gypsywoman418 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:37:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i woke one morning to the screams of a woman being stabbed outside my apartment. in my tee shirt and panties i ran down and scared off the attacker.
another time, the mentally ill grandfather who lived across the street stuck a knife in his heart. i gave him mouth to mouth until my husband was able to get the police there.. i was dressed that time.
lordelph ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:06:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sometime in 1994, I got to meet Douglas Adams at a multimedia award ceremony in Cannes. I was huge fan, and tried hard to not geek out too much about Hitchikers Guide, Dirk Gently and Pink Floyd (he'd played on stage with them early that year).
We'd won an award for a CD-ROM we'd made, and he asked how I was using the World Wide Web.
This was early days for the web, and we had just been playing with Mosaic through a dial-up CompuServe gateway (ask your dad!). When I told this to the venerable Mr Adams, he told me I should check out this new Netscape browser. He thought it was far superior to Mosaic, and was going to going to have a massive effect on the numbers of people using the web.
TLDR - Douglas Adams told me to try Netscape as it had the potential to make the web huge.
christopia86 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:07:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A while back, I found out a hot girl at the office I worked at liked me. I am not much good at fliring or the whole not making an idiot of myself thing so I am unsure what to do and my self confidence is so low, I assume it's a joke. She isn't much better but luckily she has a friend who is determined to make it happen. I get into the lift and the girl who likes me and her friend are in. "Hey Chris, can you draw me a dinosaur?" Asks her friend (I am known for liking dinosaurs.) "Ok, no problem." I answer. I am a terrible artist but anyone can make a passable attempt at a generic long necked dinosaur, so 5 mins later, I walk over with it. "That's really good!" Says the hot girl, "Can you draw me one?" I can't, I've played my hand and I should walk away. "Sure, what dinosaur would you like?" I ask. "Either a triceratops, velociraptor or a pterodactyl." She responds. Shit, I have agreed to draw somthing I have no idea how to draw, I'm going to look stupid and blow it. No. No, I refuse to let my lack of talent hamper another shot at happiness. I will not go down without a fight. I get back to my desk and use my motherfucking brain. Fire up the ol' google-o-matic and search "how to draw a dinosaur". It assumes I am Da Vinchi, so refine to "How to draw a cartoons dinosaur" still hard as fuck, time to go big or go home. "How to draw a cartoon dinosaur for kids". Find a nice easy triceratops, spend an hour doing thatbinstead of work, saunter over like I do this shit all the time and gand over the picture. "Oh my god, I love him! He's going on my wall at home!". Cut firward a few weeks, I just had a great date with her, back at her place and true to her word, on her wall I spot my picture. I feel like a total boss. Went out with her for a few weeks and ended up getting hurt, but hey, I got paid as a direct result of drawing a dinosaur, not a lot of guys can say that.
kaijujube ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:16:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'll tell the story of how I met my fiancee. It was freshman year of college, and poor old me was finally coming to terms with my sexuality. I had had crushes on my female friends before (I am a female), but I had always told myself it was maybe some kind of misplaced friendship feelings or something. I was raised religious so I was of course terrified of what it would mean if I was a lesbian.
I was so mixed up over it one night that I decided to go for a walk to clear my head, and I ended up at a meeting of the University Sculpture club. I walked in as they were setting up and I saw my future fiancee. Or more accurately, dat ass. It was love at first butt. I was way too shy and still confused about my feelings to say anything to her, but as the night wore on, it occured to me that if I was attracted to random women off the street and not just women I knew, then I probably was, in fact, a lesbian.
I went home with my entire worldview upside down. From that night on, I began to accept my sexuality and come to terms with my own beliefs. I saw her around the arts building for the next few months but never said anything. A month before summer break, a friend of mine found out I liked her and introduced us. We've been together ever since and celebrated our 3-year anniversary earlier this month.
P.S. When I asked my fiancee if she remembers me from that first meeting she said "Nah, I'm gonna be honest. I was way too into the cheese dip they had there and I thought you were kind of loud."
hedekaer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:41:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once sold a porn magazine to a danish prince. I was working in a shop in Copenhagen airport, and while i was restocking cigarettes behind the counter, I turn around and there he was, with a whole stack of magazines. I pick up the top one to scan in it, and was met with titties. I just put on my professional frown and continued work. Needless to say, I bought my own copy, so when i one day tell the story to my grandkids, I'll be able to pull it out and show them the same magazine. tl:dr even princes fap.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You would think a prince would have their own porn guy?
Random question, when you talk to a member of the royal family on the street, do you have to be courteous and polite? And do you have to address their status, like saying Your Grace/Majesty?
Something I've always wanted to know.
hedekaer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:17:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think in general you have to be courteous, although I don't think they would be offended if you didn't. I have only heard their status addressed by mayors and journalists.
geozza ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:49:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I really wanted to go to a local gig but tickets online had sold out so the day of the gig I tweeted the lead singer asking if there was the off chance there might be a spare ticket I could get at the door, he replied saying there weren't and put me on the guest list instead!
Ichor281 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:10:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Last week I volunteered at a local festival, throughout the day we got about 5000 people in total, maybe less. Afterwords we were cleaning up and an old man approached me claiming he dropped an item and wanted to know if we could help him find it. I asked what it was and he responded he dropped. His fucking. Handgun.
I started laughing, I thought he was kidding! There were kids runnung all around that place! We searched for an hour, and we never found that handgun. It was a Ruger.
Tl;dr: I forgot I live in texas.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:14:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm one of those paranoid types.
The only time I ever have a good time is when I'm at a music festival, but that usually ends up with me getting greenies
KayKay217 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:32:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I met a cat named blackalicious jungle fury once and he climbed up the screen behind me.
Plubbe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:44:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My parents got divorced shortly after we moved to America, and my dad was always good at visiting us. He came to see us every six weeks, on the dot, for two weekends. We would go to the beach for the weekend, and the schedule was the same every time; Saturdays was breakfast, shopping at Barnes & Nobles, Best Buy, Publix, Toys 'R Us, and the mall, a film afterwards, and then back to the hotel, where we would relax until dinner. Sundays we'd have breakfast, and go to the beach.
Anyway, he bought my brother and I Razor scooters when they became super popular, and we would ride them whenever we went anywhere. There's these big Nerium oleander bushes growing all around the area, and we used to pretend they were petrol stations, and my dad would grab a branch and 'fill up' our 'tanks' with it, all while making a bubbling, gurgling, petrol sound.
I remember when I first found out they were poisonous, and I thought my dad was the bravest man I ever knew because he didn't care, he'd manhandle those oleander branches to fill up our scooters.
It's not really a crazy story, I just love all the little memories I have of him, and I never really get a chance to tell those stories. I still think he's the best man on the earth, I love him so much.
TL;DR I have the best dad in the world.
tarry91 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
test
Plubbe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:09:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sure.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:53:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was 9-10 years old in Iran we went to buy a goat to sacrifice for an event I don't remember what exactly. When we were in the herd of goats, a goat attacked me out of no where to the ground that's when another goat with cute tiny horns came between the attacker and me scared the attacker away. It was as if he saved my life to my 9 year old mind; I felt a connection between it and I as weird as it sounds. We stared at each other for a few seconds and it even let me pet him. The saddest part of the story is that I saw the same goat at my neighbors house a few days later and it was about to be slaughtered. He recognized me as well and started bleating loudly as if asking me to save him. It broke my heart that I couldn't do the same for my savior. This was 20 years ago and I still think about it with great regret.
Finisherofwar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:51:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok so lets go back to high school me. I live in a small island in the caribean and this was around when I was 17. In my community to graduate high school you needed to work 40 hours for the community with no pay. So I started working at the biggest library in my town with a classmate that would later become a very close friend. Our job was receiving people at the entrance and checking their library passes but what we mostly did was talk about girls, he would tell me his stories and I would tell him about the girl I was going out with, these stories were very interesting to him since at the time I was dating the hottest girl at my school which was a teen model representing my town island wide (I was going to go with that story and how it went terribly wrong but went with this one because it is less personal). So while we were talking and not really paying much attention to our work. The women in charge of the library notices us and immediately comes over to ask us to organize and categorize all the inventory of computers in the library (We worked in the research wing) so she sent us to get further instructions and the tools to do so on the third floor. After we get our orders we are sent with a bunch of office equipment to categorize everything and well basically a lot of work. We split up I take the area of active equipment and my friend takes the second floor left wing which is off limits to the public and is meant for executives and meetings of privileged nature basically a really big empty part of the library with just equipment and no people or offices. The place is also dark and there is no way you could enter without the card access to authorized personal. So once I'm finished with all of my area (It took me about 4 hours of hard work) I head to the more or less abandoned wing were my friend is working at (this is the first time I enter this area) and while I'm exploring this place I stumble across my co-worker and he is hard at work in one of the equipment rows very concentrated on his work and while this is happening I notice there is a child standing behind him (around age 4) I look at him in complete disbelief of how he managed to get into this restricted area the kid is pale white and had absolutely no expression in his face while he stared at me (This place was really dark and cold and had basically no lighting besides some far away windows) So without saying a word to the kid I slowly say to my friend "Umm....... whos the kid?" My friend shrugged his head signifying "no idea" without even saying a word or looking at me. I have a moment of silence then look at the kid again and he still had no expression in his face other than just looking straight at me. I then slowly ask my friend "Umm.... how'd he get in here?" again my friend shrugged his head without saying a word it was in this moment I realized this was leading no were so I address the little kid with a question "Whats your name?" The kid continues to stare at me but this time he looks like he's wondering if he should answer that, "Castro" says my friend this is when I ask him "Like the dictator?" Yes he answered. The kid then asks me my name so I tell him. I ask him how he got in there but he didn't answer me. We were about to get off work so we escort the kid outside and he tells us his gonna go with his dad and we let him go without saying a word he runs out of the floor I worked at. The next day we start our work early and are sent early to continue with our previous days task. We enter the secured area and lock the door behind us (mind you there is card access required) so me and my colleague have our regular talk about chicks and then we talk about what happened the previous day with the kid but neither of us had the faintest clue. After around 2 hours of working my friend says to me "Look who's back" I instantly turn around in disbelief and there he is Castro. I tell the kid he's not supposed to be there and ask him where his parents are so I can take him to them the kid took it the wrong way and got really sad like if we didn't want him there so my friend starts cheering him up. The kid took a liking to us and started asking a bunch of questions about what we were doing and why. But he wouldn't answer any question that we'd ask him. When we finally left and again escorted the kid out he wen't running of again we asked our manager how a kid would get in there he answered there was only that way in here and that the library did not allow kids younger than 10 in the whole west building of research and literature that I worked in. That all kids were required to be in the kids area of the library. I'm in my second year of college and everytime me and my friend talk about this we have no idea how that kid got in there.
dbaker102194 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:42:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to tell my life's story, but no one will care.
Slushball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:23 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry you feel that way.
sweterek-w-jelonki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:43:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
The only story I am dying to tell is- I had an amazing time this weekend, so much fun I rarely ever have, met a lot of great people and laughed so much my face was sore from smiling! Not so long ago I was very depressed and even suicidal and now I get this- being happy among people I barely know but feel that they accepted me into their group of friends. Unfortunately I'm very bad at describing what was really fun and so I get boring and nobody wants to listen to me rambling over and over on how great a party I went to was. But IT'S SUCH A BIG DEAL to me! Depressed people of Reddit- you will be happy again!
Blonde_Calculator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:35 on May 29, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tell me more!
sweterek-w-jelonki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:05 on May 29, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you'd have to be there, it was ah-miah-sin!
HeloRising ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:04:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.
I was engaged to this girl for a long while, she was wonderful but had some seriously rotten luck and a tendency to overwork herself. This led to a long battle with depression and other mental health challenges.
At the point in time this happened, I'd just gotten a job. This was the first job I'd had in around a year and we were pretty desperate for money at that point. She got some money from school but it was barely enough to pay rent and were it not for the generosity of people around us, we'd have been well and truly fucked.
I'd been at the job for maybe a week by this point and the day started pretty horribly. The freeway was closed and traffic was horrendous, so bad I had to actually come back home after I'd gotten halfway to work so I could figure out another route to try and get to work.
I walk in and I can hear her in the shower. By this point I'm so fried from trying to get to work and knowing I'm going to be late I just breeze past the bathroom and go to my computer. As I'm typing looking up directions, I hear a sound that doesn't quite sound right for the shower. It sounds like a sob or crying.
I knocked on the door and asked if she was ok. She didn't reply. I knocked again. No reply. At this point I really did not want to open that door. Things had been incredibly rough for her and I'd already prepared myself for her making the ultimate decision but it's one thing to think about and quite another to stand in front of a door knowing that, on the other side, you may have to face it.
I tried to open the door. It was locked. I popped the lock with something (paperclip, I think) and opened the door. She was physically ok but she was lying crumpled in a ball on the floor of the shower crying her eyes out. It was a full-blown meltdown and she was most certainly not ok.
This wasn't unknown, she had breakdowns on a semi-regular basis and though she was getting generally better she still had very bad days and this was one of them. The problem was she usually had some form of support to help through these times. At this point, I was the only one around.
So now I had a choice to make: stay and help her or go to work. If I stayed, she'd be ok but I'd seriously jeopardize my job. I was still technically on a trial period and my boss made it clear in no uncertain terms that I couldn't miss any time. If I lost that job, we'd be in serious trouble. If I left, I was leaving someone I loved in a very hard place with no support, someone who had contemplated/attempted suicide not long before.
She wouldn't talk to me, just stared and cried.....and I left. That is, to date, the hardest choice I've ever had to make in my life. I took the risk that she'd be ok until someone else came home (we lived with roommates) and could help her out in order to not further risk the only real source of income we had.
Man that felt good to finally get it out.
NymeraZ53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did she resent your decision?
HeloRising ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We never spoke about it. I'm not entirely sure she's aware that day happened. She had a lot of problems with her memory and when she went into a tailspin like that for a few days, her memory often suffered.
NymeraZ53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's awful.
HeloRising ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She's doing better now. At least that's what I hear. We split up a little while after this happened and I'm pretty much persona non grata as far as she and that group of people is concerned. I don't get much information these days.
APOLARCAT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:34:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once lied on the internet for imaginary points.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:37:39 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So my brother was little and still being potty trained. Now, typically when a kid is still in diapers, you some times smell near their diaper to confirm that the horrendous odor is actually coming from them. So... I kinda see where my brother may have gotten the wrong idea.
We were at a museum when my mom needed to sit for a minute and my brother decided to stay with her. Another person sitting next to my brother was just minding his own business when my brother stuck his nose next to his butt and sniffed it. My brother then exclaims loudly "MOMMY!! SNIFF HIS BUTT!!!" My mom, mortified, picks up my brother and hightails it out of there. Apparently the man didn't budge and continued just sitting there.
xsamy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:40:04 on May 16, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
so almost 3 years ago, I discovered 9gag while working in an office, (9gag ew, I know) and started posting actively becoming an active commentor. 9gag is linked to facebook, and I was added to a strange facebook group of people, with all the funny people from the old days gathered in one site, even shely remington was there at one point. Tired of what 9gag has become, we were more active in this group, and 9gag was replaced by bots and reposts. A now close friend of mine made a troll account of Shelly Remington named Shely Dolangton (Reference to Dolan comics and crude sense of humor). Shely is a master of photoshop and made many works of art with all the members. In this group there are alot of people from different places of the world, being active 24/7. A lot of people became involved in Long distance relationships or LDRs for short. I being one of the LDR couple from this group, have met my girl twice by traveling to the philippines, and the second time around I was there, I took her to Hong Kong and asked her to marry me. She said yes. Many of the LDR couples are successful, with a few already moving to other places in the world to finally live together. She is moving to california in the coming months to live with me.The group has been my place to go to when I need a laugh, and these people have become so close to me they are like family now.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:30:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Here is the abridged version of how my life was ruined this year.
I'd been with my fiancรฉ for 5 years, known him for 8. We got engaged 16/08/12 and wedding was set for 16/03/14. We planned to have a baby this year after waiting 3 years and were extremely lucky to get pregnant the first month even though I have PCOS (we thought I'd end up needing fertility treatment). We were stoked. We had a lovely holiday in NZ during the summer, were looking to buy a house, I was pregnant and the wedding was upcoming and I was soooo in love; then it all somehow went down in flames.
Here's the thing. We started arguing coz I caught him texting girls flirtatiously behind my back. He started staying out late drinking with friends. He became unreliable. He was abusive to me one time when he was drunk. Then he was abusive to me another time. Then another. And so on til it happened every time we had a fight, which had somehow, over the months, become weekly by February. At this point I was pregnant.
One arvo/night my fiancรฉ stood me up for a date and came back from the pub and we had a huge fight. He said horrible things, I cut myself, he tried to leave and said he didn't want to be with me, I tried to stop him leaving, he got abusive. The worst of it was when he punched me in the stomach and kicked me in the vagina. 22/02 was the last time he abused me. I was 7 weeks pregnant. One hour later I started bleeding.
We went to the hospital and they assumed I had miscarried but were unable to do an ultrasound that night. Despite everything, I didn't want him to get in trouble- I just wanted to be a family and be happy- but the hospital Dr called the police, and they came to the waiting room and arrested him. I didn't even know til I got out of hospital later on. The police made an AVO on my 'behalf' that lasted until the court date. This meant that for almost 6 weeks I was unable to see him or even talk to him (or our cats) and I had to stay with my parents without any of my belongings. This also meant that we were forced to cancel our wedding just a few weeks out as we couldn't see each other. This was pretty humiliating in our social circle and families.
It later turned out the baby was fine! It was basically a miracle. So we went to court in April and all I wanted was to help him so that we could move on and be together. After all, he had started counselling and enrolled in a behaviour change program. I basically lied in a court of law and had a 'poor memory' of the events to get him off the charges. Of course, $8000 in lawyer fees later, he got off. We were stoked. I thought the only was up from there. I was wrong.
While he was no longer violent, he needed 'space' and spent all his time drinking alone or with friends, and he was still talking to girls behind my back. I was 13 weeks pregnant by then. I was trying so hard to cling on to my relationship and it was clear he wasn't into it, but I ignored it and I tried so hard to make him be. But I can't make him feel something he simply doesn't.
Next, I lost my job because I was away from work too much. So then I had no income. Then I started cutting myself most days again, something I haven't done in years. Things were looking okay for the last few weeks, and last weekend we went to look at 2 apartments in the morning with a view to buy and move in before having the baby. That was all okay. Then in the afternoon, seemingly out of nowhere, he just broke up with me. You know, he loves me but he's not happy so he 'just wants to be alone' and all that. :| Naturally, I was shattered. I've never been able to imagine life without him. Still can't. I completely went off the deep end. I didn't think it could get any worse but it did and I just couldn't believe so much bad shit could happen to one person.
I came very close to killing myself that day but got picked up by an ambulance and some counsellor people, and then spent 2 nights in a psychiatric ward with people who talk to themselves and stuff. He didn't even come to visit or call to check on me. Drs diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder (before I 'just' had anxiety and depression).
I got out of there and have been living every day since a week ago as a useless zombie. I want to die but I don't want to kill my 18 week old baby, so instead I just sleep as much as possible and cry when I'm awake. Sometimes I cut myself but I can't even be bothered doing that sometimes. I just lie there feeling bad. None of the things I normally enjoy can cheer me up anymore; I go to counselling and stuff but none of that will fix my life. All I want is him.
I've now had to move in with my parents and he and I have been going through and splitting all our stuff and the baby stuff and it's so hard having to see him, but at the same time it's even harder not seeing him, so I can't win either way. We had to split up our cats, too and that has been so sad for everyone. But most of all I'm sad my baby and I won't have a husband and dad around. He was so awful the last few months but before that he was perfect and I just want that back. All I want is my normal life back.
He still wants to 'be there' for me and the baby, which is great, but it also means I have to see him all the time and be totally in love with him and know he doesn't want me, and my heart will continue to break every time. Next week we find out our baby's gender and while I'm excited, I'm also dreading it because I know we will find out and I will look at him and cry because this isn't the way it's supposed to be. He won't be there in the middle of the night to help out. He won't feel each time the baby kicks. He's not here every time my pregnancy gives me gallstone attacks. :|
Today is Mother's Day and I had hoped he'd make me a little card or something, but instead I get shat on. I get to spend the afternoon with him moving my stuff from our house to my parents' house. I don't know how I ended up here when things were perfect before. I'm no saint but I am a good person, I normally work and contribute to society and I did normal people things like hang out with friends and go to the gym.
Now I'm just a slug who wants to hide under the covers all day. I'm 22, 18 weeks pregnant, suicidal, fired from my job, cancelled my wedding, got dumped by the love of my life, lost one of my pets and moved back in with my parents to face life as a single mother.
The kicker is that, after everything he's done, I should be fuming and hate him. But I don't. I still love him more than anything. He's my best friend. All I want is for us to be together. I feel like one person doesn't deserve this much shit. And I looked forward to having this baby for the last 3 years, but now I hate being pregnant coz it's not supposed to be this way. I wish I wasn't pregnant so I wouldn't feel bad about killing myself.
thomshouse ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:45:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Happy Mother's Day.
Not that it's worth much, but here's my take on your story. Unfortunately, you can't control your ex. Can't make him want to be with you, or to treat you right if he did. To be honest, it sounds like you're better off without him, and hopefully one day that will be easier to see and reconcile.
But... Right now you have this little life growing inside of you. This baby is half you, half him. In other words, it has the chance to be all of the good parts of your ex, and none of the bad. Likewise, a chance to be the best of you. And as this child's mother, you are in a unique position to help that child get to that point.
It won't be easy, and there will be days you'll want to pull your hair out, but you can do it, and that kid is going to need you. (Wouldn't want the kid to be solely dependent on your ex.) And your love will be far better spent on your child than it would have been on your ex.
I wish you and the little bun in your oven the best.
Krabbi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am sorry all this happened to you. Are you able to see a therapist? Sounds like you could use someone to talk to. It sucks right now, but you would be disrespecting yourself to stay in that relationship. It may not seem like it now, but it will get better.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I see 2 different psychologists and have been for 2 months. It doesn't help, unfortunately.
Krabbi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:49:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry to hear that. You also have a bunch of pregnancy hormones running around in you. That may be contributing to everything. I really hope everything works out for you. BTW, Happy Mother's Day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. You're the first person to acknowledge the day for me.
Qweniden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I know it doesn't seem like this now but in time you will see that you dodged a bullet by not being with him. He is NOT a good person. Your love for him will fade and you will wonder what you ever saw in him. And you will certainly find someone better who deserves you.
Congrats on the baby. I know the circumstances suck but kids are awesome (though challenging) and you will experience love that you didn't know was possible.
littlelauralollylegs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You can do it.
For many many years, women have had to raise children by themselves, and the fact that your parents have opened their home again and taken you in, shows that you have all the support you need.
Sure, it would be nice to have the father around, but he isn't needed (sorry if it sounds harsh, it's not meant to be). You are stronger than you think, the fact that you've made it this far is proof.
You can spend your waking moments crying about what was, or you can be productive about it. Lost your job? it wasn't meant to be, go out and find a better one. Build the life that you want for your baby, don't wallow around because that isn't productive. It will be hard at first, but 10 year from now you'll look back and be happy that you did something to better yourself and your child.
[deleted] ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 02:05:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My first ticket was for going 95 in a 60. What my parents don't know is that I was really going 120 and racing one of my friends. Thankfully, as I'm from a small town, we knew the cop that pulled us over (I played football with two of his sons, my sister was one of his other son's best friends), and we were able to talk him down from taking us to jail and impounding our cars. The only people that know this story are me, my friend, the cop, and now Reddit.
DaddyPleaseNo ยท 183 points ยท Posted at 03:53:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fun, some kids from my hometown died doing that on the way to school in the morning and he killed his little brother and little bro's friend riding with him.
kjata ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:47:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's not fun at all.
RetardedChimpanzee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's how I died too :(
brownbubbi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fun!
TheMeanestPenis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:18 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Risk vs reward
DaddyPleaseNo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:39:55 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lmfao, sorry what? What reward?
TheMeanestPenis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:59:28 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In this case the risk is obviously not worth the thrill of going fast
[deleted] ยท -33 points ยท Posted at 05:14:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's always somebody that tries to make me feel horrible for being young, dumb, and in control of a muscle car. Guess what! It doesn't work! Yes, I'm sorry they died. But maybe they should've taken more care in where they were reckless. For us, we were racing on a country road that gets very little traffic, and is about a 5 mile straightaway. If we had been putting other people in danger, we wouldn't have done it. Were we wrong for doing double the speed limit? Yes. Were we putting other people in danger? Not by any means.
infecthead ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 05:45:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Keep telling yourself that, kiddo.
[deleted] ยท -18 points ยท Posted at 05:54:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A five mile straightaway with no one else on it except for a cop who just happened to be driving down a driveway as we drove by? If you can find anyone else that was in danger, feel free.
shamoni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:52:31 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You? Your classmate who you're racing with? What makes you think you guys are immune?
niknik2121 ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:25:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Negotiate down from going 60 over the limit?
Be truthful. How much did you have to pay him?
[deleted] ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 03:56:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
He paid with the back of his throat.
Geipz ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:47:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think money is the real variable.
beeasaurusrex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:28 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
about six inches of colon.
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 05:08:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We didn't have to pay him anything. It was a $300 ticket though. We think he just didn't want to have to deal with all the paperwork that would come with arresting 2 people and impounding 2 cars.
Truth be told, we probably could've probably gotten out of it completely if my friend (who, btw, is of the female gender) would've at least flashed him. Everyone in my town knows that the cop's an all-around horrible person. For example, the two sons that I played football with had two different moms. Neither of which are his wife. His oldest son is his wife's though.
GWsublime ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:45:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yah, don't do shit like that it will kill you or, worse, someone else.
saremei ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:32:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's not so bad when the racers end up killing themselves, but hurting or killing innocent bystanders is what usually happens and that is bullshit.
losian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:02:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good thing you lived in a small town and could get off the hook for being a horrendously irresponsible idiot! Way to stupidly put peoples' lives at risk. :(
Shiniholum ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:26:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Kind of a dick.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:30:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Saw a guy get killed doing that. Really horrible.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:45:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, fuck you, sir. Being a keyboard warrior and trying to make me feel like shit for something I've accepted as wrong doesn't make you any better than me. I'm sure that if I went back through your life I could find plenty of things that make you look like an irresponsible little cunt. I'm still here, my friend's still here, and no one got hurt. You, sir, can go fuck yourself.
Edit: a word
soopa96 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:43:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The time I got lost in Lima, Pero and accidentally found out I haue a cousin there. That, or the time I got lost in Rio De Janeiro while high as balls at 3 in the morning without knowing a single word in portuguese.
ndeha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:14:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You, sir, are a poor storyteller.
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:52:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed, and also lucky to be alive, lost in Rio at 3am high as balls without knowing the language? People have been knifed for far less in that
hell holecity.Tabarzin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:31:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was going to get food and I picked up the usual stuff at the usual place. The cashiers there usually ask you if you want a receipt and I usually say no.
So this one day I had my headphones on because I was walking home from class and I heard the cashier say something so I just assumed that she asked me if I wanted my receipt so I just said "No" unusually loud because I had headphones. Then she gave me this weird look like I just told her to go fuck herself.
It turns out that what she really said was "Have a nice day" and it sounded like I straight up rejected her.
bstyledevi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:01:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
5 years ago, I was sitting in a prison cell in Europe, 6,000 miles away from home. I had no money, no possessions, and no hope for the future. Yesterday, I signed papers to purchase a Mercedes Benz. To everyone that always said I was going nowhere, fuck you. I've worked for everything I have, and I'm proud of the things I've done since I got out of prison.
BeatnikThespian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:40:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, explain how you wound up in a European prison.
MediumBadVoodooDaddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:06:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, who cares about the Mercedes and the chip on the shoulder, we want the actual story.
bstyledevi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Check my post history. I did an AMA on it a year or so ago. Short version is selling drugs while in the military.
Bra1nWave ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:27:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was on acid I went to a toy store. I had recently bought a soda at a shop down the street, and I was also carrying my jacket. I wanted to put these things down so that I could better play with the toys in the store, but I really couldn't figure out where to put them. I saw a kid sitting by the door to the store, and so I walked up to him and said.
"DO YOU WANT A SIP OF MY SODA NO WAIT DON'T I'M A STRANGER"
Then I grabbed my friends and we left the store as quickly as we could to avoid possible parental repercussions. My plan had been to have that kid watch my jacket and my soda, and bribe him with a sip of my soda, but I didn't give him any context so he must have been really confused.
AskJ33ves ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:41:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(WARNING NSFW)
When I was 11, I had a sexual relationship with a 25 year old woman. It lasted around 6 months until I moved to a different country.
Living in a different country, our maid used to sleep in my room (not on my bed, next to my bed on a mattress on the floor). After cleaning the house each day, she would come into the room late at night, undress and get ready for bed. I was a curious child so I would sometimes peek from under the covers. She caught me one day but she didn't stop rather let me watch as she undressed. This continued for a week or so until I had the cheeky idea to let my hand dangle over the bed while pretending to sleep. That night she took my hand and gently placed it on her breasts, letting me touch as I pleased.
As the weeks went by it escalated from me dangling my hand over the bed to her joining me on the bed. From simple touching of her body and sucking on her nipples, she one day took my hand and slid it down to her panties (which till today I have never felt anyone that wet). She would direct me by whispering in my ear to put fingers inside of her, my hand was so small I was easily able to fit my entire fist inside of her. I remember having to wash my hands after every night from how much she got wet.
As a month went by, our sexual relationship was very active to the point I would come back from school and ask her if she wanted to sleep tonight (code word for sexual activities), We slept together at-least 3-4 times a week. At this point we were both comfortable with what we were doing, and every night she would teach me something new, I enjoyed kissing the most where as she enjoyed my hand inside of her. One night she asked me to get on top of her and put my penis inside her, at 11 I wouldn't think she felt anything but we did have sex. I was never taught sex ed, and never masturbated previously so the concept of ejaculating was completely alien to me. I remember the first time I wanted to ejaculated it felt as though I wanted to urinate and I ran to the bathroom standing over the toilet for 10 mins with not being able to urinate lol. Eventually I understood what was happening, and from my memory I have ejaculated inside of her but I believe she was on the pill or my sperm was not developed enough to impregnate her.
For the record I do not feel traumatized nor has it affected me in my adult life, I was quite sad to leave her as we had a unique but taboo bond between each other. Since that day I have never seen her and it has been 14 years, she is currently married had have kids of her own. Its not a story I tell everyday but it was quite an experience while it lasted. As the south park episode goes, I look back and just think "niceeee" ;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIfOjkB17BA
Followthatmonkey ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:43:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Got an entertaining story, not mine, I heard it on a podcast years ago, forget who the original storyteller was. I'll tell it from his perspective so it flows better.
So I met this girl on an online dating site, went out with her a few times, and pretty soon started fooling around. So it's probably the third time we've had sex and we're laying in bed afterward when she starts giggling. I ask her what's funny and she says,
"I sorta have to tell you something."
I reply, "What is it?"
She keeps giggling and hiding under the blanket for awhile before finally giving into my imploring and tells me,
"Well, I didn't tell you something about me from the start because I didn't want it to ruin things between us before they even got started. And this is something that has caused problems in relationships with me in the past, so I wasn't going to tell you, but I like you and I think you shold know."
At this point I'm part freaked and part really curious, wracking my brain to figure out what she could possibly need to tell me, when she hits me with it.
"I sort of have...the big H."
She immediatly ducks back under the covers and resumes giggling, and I am stunned, just shell shocked really. After a few moments my brain finally gets going again and I start to pray,
"God...please let me have herpes. If you just give me herpes I'll start going to church everyweek, I'll donate to charity, I'll spend time with underprivilaged youth, I'll settle my life down and stop banging skanks off the internet...just please let me have herpes, not HIV."
So after what seems like an eternity and is probably a good 45 seconds, she resurfaces with a smile saying,
"Ya, I have herpes. So I know I should have told you, and I understand if you're mad, but I hope we can move past it."
She said some other things to but I didn't hear her cause I was in my car driving fast and far away from her house.
The next day I go to my doctor to get tested, and he tells me that there is a fairly low chance of contracting it when she wasn't experiencing an outbreak, but he tests me anyway, and sends me home saying that the results will take a few days.
So now I know what you're thinking and well...long story short, I wouldn't have told you any of this if I had gotten herpes.
DeathofaMailman ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:53:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So wait, does he have HIV?
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:50:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can't tell if joke.
prodigie ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:23:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I took a poop, it was a great fucking poop
JwA624 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:59:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
history... history is what you have made. Fear not of death, for your life shall be remembered for the wondrous chronicle it was, full of discovery, enlightenment, and adventure. They say the history books are written by the victors, and you sir... you sir are the greatest victor. May I be the first to say, praised be the, for you will spark a whole new religion, one which will be embraced without reluctance by millions, NO, billions of people around the globe. I just wish I could have been there to see it myself... it will always be my biggest regret, and for that, I am sorry.
WishboneOffense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
been there. done that. fo' sho'.
oodluvr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:34:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TLDR: Found shit in a towel. I work at a health club and we also operate tanning beds. One day bed 2 had an odd stench and no one knew why. A week or two goes by and the smell is still there but worse. I figure it must be a dead mouse, or something dead and I had to find it. So I started searching around and got to the plastic cabinet that holds extra towels. I open the door and I knew it was in there. Odd that a mouse got in there....I move the first row of towels out and that's when I see a wad of towels. Luckily I realized I should have gloves on so I quickly got them on and came back to open the wad of towels. Turns out someone took a shit while tanning and didn't dispose of it. Since then, I have found a tampon applicator and a cup of piss that spilled out on me when I moved the cabinet. We no longer keep towels there.
WishboneOffense ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:04:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
FYI--on the dead mouse thing. mice are so small, that once dead, they begin to have that 'musty-sour' smell with 6 to 8 hours. within 36 hours-- because they are so small and dead ones decompose so quickly, the smell is gone. (dead human bodies smell for nearly 2 months by comparison, before advanced decomposition sets in).
ManLeader ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:47:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had an ex. Let's call her "Erin." Erin lived states away from me, but we really wanted to go to prom together. So we tricked her parents into letting her come to my state, lied to my parents about who my date was, and generally snuck around so I could get her to and from the airport. Even snuck her into prom. Did the same thing for a week in the summer. Never got caught. Good times.
Phantom03 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:28:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay I got a good one, one time I was at Taco Bell in the drive thru kinda late at night, so I ask for a beef taco with just lettuce (Otherwise they put sour cream, cheese, and tomatoes and all that which I don't really care for) so I pay for it everything good so far, I get my Taco, go home and unwrap it to find it was just a tortilla shell with lettuce, no beef so I guess when I said "beef taco with just lettuce" that negated the beef part and that was what I got, I told this story at a party once and I became known as lettuce guy.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:49:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Setari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:34:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I hadn't read that.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:54:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
nhilante ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:35:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you can start by telling your diary.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:51:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing in this day and age.
WishboneOffense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
we are all wired for human contact, and touch. you are not alone. but do not settle for depression or malaise regarding it. get out. make some friends/relationships. nearly anything, as long as it's not destructive, is better than nothing.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:56:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
WishboneOffense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
keeping yourself fit and in adventures is great for anybody. good!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:31:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Naw, sounds like everyone is more or less on the same page. Just make sure you're not pitting those two guys against each other by accident.
darkshine05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:15 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously No guy has these stupid ass stories about being a slut. I would be ashamed to date someone like this. Basically your saying your down to fuck whoever if you get drunk first That's cool.
trubee123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:51:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time in 5th grade, I was at a sleepover party with my friend Alex. There were a ton of other mutual friends over as well. We all decided to play a random game after the boredom got to us in the middle of the night. Alex suggested we play a 'make believe game' where each of us was to act as a certain celeb and even dress like our star of choice. Alex was Taylor Swift, another girl named Brianna was JB, then another named Haley was to play Kesha, and lastly I was Amy Winehouse. Alex put on some boots and a purple dress, Brianna had a snapback with a beaver on it (go figure), Haley tied a scarf tight around her bare chest, and I had no idea what to do so I just took Haley's idea and wore a scarf along with a big black poofy wig. As I walked from the bathroom into the attic where everybody was ready to start the dumb celeb game, all eyes stared upon my arrival. I did a little turn through the small doorway to display my costume. Suddenly, I felt the knot in the scarf come loose and guess what? My flippin scarf untied and dropped to the floor. I was mortified beyond belief so I covered my upper nudity whilst running into the commode and slamming the door shut behind me. This was a big deal for me at the time because I was, and still am, a really self-conscious person.
I swear, I sat in that little bathroom crying for so long that I'm almost certain I can still tell you what color her toothbrush was and what brand of soap she used.
ogtogaconvict ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:56:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
well story about my buddy. One day back in high school my friend was in a fight and trying to stay away from his parents. After camping out at another friends empty house for a couple days on a bender he insistent on having a barbecue one morning. It was 11am and he was already wasted. I was pretty drunk myself so I thought why the hell not as long as he does the work.
The problem with his plans was that he had no propane. He and another friend got an idea that seemed clever at the time where one of them would go to the front door of a neighboring house and ring the bell. When the neighbors answered one would ask if they had seen a lost dog. In the mean time the other kid would run around back and steal the propane tank from their grill.
The first guy rings the bell while my friend runs around back, hops a fence that was 6 feet tall on his side and had an unexpected 20 foot drop on the other side. Unprepared for the sudden drop he locked his knees and snapped his leg. To add insult to injury, no one ended up being home and the tank ended up being empty.
gineepig ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:08:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I took a shit by the football field at my high school one night a few years ago, it stayed there for about a week. It was a fat one, and the P.E. classes all had to run through it. So many stepped in it.
overdriveftw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to get this bot on kik to tell me it's plans for judgement day, so I sign up for the website it linked me to and gave it my cc and all my info so I can gain their confidence. Those suckers will never see me coming
MJshoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:22:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I drove a 99' Caviler for 9 years. The cigarette lighter would spring out of the plug in and shoot into my lap. Scary shit driving on the highway.
Vanderrr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school I played with fire a lot. Me and my buddy are playing ping pong one day (this relates, I promise) and we crack our last ball. I get the brilliant idea that we're going to melt this ball back together with a lighter. The ball goes up in flames the second I begin to try this. I try to blow on the flaming ping pong ball in my hands. Ball blows out of my hand and onto the floor. Cue me panicking. I blow on it again, and now it is under the entertainment center. Flames are pouring out from under this, and I'm screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs. I plunge my hand under the entertainment center to beat the fire on the carpet. I finally put this fire out with my bare hand and see that there is s one foot radius charred spot on the floor, which I cut out of the carpet the next day to hide it from my parents. It is my darkest kept secret to this day from the parents, especially since my parents knew about my pyro phase and were very concerned about it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
THE STORY OF MY PEOPLE!
4tehlulz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:24:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A story of coincidence.
At work we store our IT equipment in a room secured with a padlock. A while ago, a trolley hit the metal closing bar and bent it making it really difficult to close the padlock. On Friday I was wresling with the padlock and cursing it like normal when I thought "I wish I had a goddam hammer to fix this".
Immediately I heard a banging noise from nearby. I went to look and found a Records staff member banging out file shelves with a hammer!! Who would have thought that bloody RECORDS staff would have a goddam hammer!!
I borrowed (begged really) the hammer, smacked the shit out of that metal bar and straightened the motherfucker right up.
Feels good :-)
le_wild_troll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The moment my language arts teacher snapped while telling a story and the lights flickered at the exact moment. I couldn't believe it.
WorstHumanNA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw bird crap coming at me straight from it's ass, i moved aside knowing it would hit my friend. I didn't take the bullet for him.
spottie_ottie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:29:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a topless girl riding her bike across the Golden Gate bridge today.
SamGoldfield ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not using an alt because caution to the wind.
So me and my friend John (changing names 4 protection) were chilling on this summer day in my backyard. We're both 18 around this time and like totally boys4life.
John calls over these two girls to my house. They're both 20. We figure it'll be chill, so we roll up a joint and sit by the pool. There's no twist ending so chill on the scrolling. Anyway, me and John start smoking the joint with these two girls. It was a hot day so we decide we wanna go swimming but the girls dont have swimsuits. One girl goes "no problem" and just gets naked. We're all high so that's just the move so we all get naked.
Now we're all in the pool naked and checking one another out and we touch their boobs but were awkward so we dont do anything. The end.
rawrzorzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Friend of mine, a Jr. in highschool, sees a guy hopping the fence into a neighbors yard that he likes. So he tells his sister to call the cops. About an hour passes so he decides to go investigate. He doesn't find anyone in the backyard and can't see anyone in the house. He does see some electronics on the backyard porch. He decides to grab them for safe keeping, so he says, and as he hops the fence the cops pull up and see him with the electronics in one hand while hopping the fence. I see him handcuffed in a cop car then getting yelled at, so I go to ask what happened once the cop leaves and he tells me the story.
tl;dr: Friend indirectly calls the cops on himself.
Pi-Guy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever gotten so into telling a story that you just dismiss your surroundings?
I get excited about things really easily and one time in high school, I was telling a friend of mine about this game I was playing while we were waiting for the bell. It was a text based game meant for mobile devices called KingdomGame. It wasn't too popular so the community was divided into veterans and newcomers. The veterans were untouchable, we couldn't do anything about it.
Anyway, I was telling my friend about the game's mechanics, who was in charge and what was going on, and the conversation went something like this:
"So the veterans are on an entirely different skill level, but a lot of us got together and we've organized this HUGE super organized offensive, and we are absolutely RAPING THEM SO HARD"
This is when I noticed that everyone in the classroom is staring at me, I assume having caught my last very energetically spoken sentence. My teacher butts in with "I'm sorry, what?"
So I start to explain how I got all worked up over KingdomGame where I rule a kingdom at war with other kingdoms while the entire class was listening. It was easily the most embarrassing thing looking around the room and seeing a few of the other students laughing at me.
Every now and then, at the most random times (even years later) I think about that moment and cringe
Oreo_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
when i hit puberty my penis grew before everything else. In comparison to the rest of my prepubescent body it looked huge. Anyways i made a point of showing it off like twice in middle school and that reputation followed me until i graduated high school. I'm in the high average range but it was a rumor that i had m enormous cock and i loved it. It made dating easy. Everybody was a little curious even if they didn't want to admit it. And if course nobody ever went around school saying nope i totes fucked him his duck is average! It would just make them look bad. Or maybe they really didn't know. Idk it was good times either way.
RussianBarbie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:41:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
On April 12, the night of my wedding, me and my husband took a short walk around our little condo compound where we had just finished an after party (kegs and all). It was probably three in the morning and my husband strikes up a conversation with a man who is clearly Canadian and had just come back from dancing. He was drinking a Budweiser, which he thought to be the best of the American beers. Because of this me and my husband went and brought him one of the locally brewed beers we had to prove him wrong. When we came back a small Asian women was sitting with our new friend in her clubbing dress; she was Mongolian, she was a Buddhist, and she was a physicist. We continued taking and having a good time with the couple discussing why they travelled to the area ( it was many vortexes and is considered pretty spiritual) and we discussed that me and my husband were for years apart in age, "the best of best" in her culture. Our new Canadian friend explains that though his girlfriend is NOT a witch, something about her is very special and that because of this he would like to give us a wedding night present: her singing us a song in her native tongue for good luck. So the Mongolian physicist sand us a song about good luck, flowers, and love in the most beautiful voice. We cried and hugged them both and thanked then for the truly special moment she had given us. I don't think I could have had a cooler experience on my wedding night. Tl;dr a Mongolian witch sang me and my husband a good luck song on our wedding night
Bamtheslayer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:46:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I drove a BMW 1 ~160 km/h on an international airports active taxiway.
A year or so ago I was deployed to the Lรฉopold Sรฉdar Senghor International Airport in Dakar Senegal to basically be a gas station and pit stop attendant for President Obama's trip to Africa. As a maintainer on the US Air Force's C-17s we will often get to deploy to a location before the president to catch, refuel, and repair the C-17's carrying the massive amount of support personnel and equipment that follows him around. In Dakar we were there to refuel and fix all the C-17s carrying Marine One, Secret Service personnel, Air Force One's maintenance team, presidential motorcade, etc.
Long story short after the president had visited the area everyone but us took off to go to another part of Africa and we stayed behind waiting for them to head back our way. Someone on Air Force Ones maintenance team had rented a fairly new BMW 1 Series Hatchback and an older Isuzu Trooper and had just left them sitting on the apron. I, being a bored maintainer, decided to check it out and once I discovered that it was unlocked and had the keys in it I, being a bored maintainer, decided to go for a joy ride.
After a couple of innocent drives up and down the apron I picked up a guy i was with and we decided to throw caution to the wind and FUCKING FLOORED IT! The rush of driving that car back and forth as fast as we could go was truly on of the coolest things I have ever done. After hauling ass down that stretch of runway a few times each we parked that beautiful beast of a car and decided to never tell a soul.
tl; dr I crossed driving a car as fast as I can on an airport runway off my bucket list.
Kamigawa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The story of how I met my wife.. I just can't tell it because it hasn't happened yet :(
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:11:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay I was 4 years old and around that time I was hallucinating for some reason. Seriously fucked up dreams and all of that.
The first dream I remember was walking outside of our trailer with my plastic clickety dress up shoes on. I immediately notice the ground is pink and it's kind of like ice. There was a tree across the way with a hole in the center. The tree existed in real life but it wasn't a hollow tree. I walk over and look inside the hole. Inside is hospital bay. Like from the 20's. All sorts of equipment was around. Lots of metal devices.
From nowhere a witch appears and grabs me to pull me inside. Everything goes blank and then I'm in this house. It's almost like my grandparents house but it had this yellow carpet. The same carpet that was in my Aunt and Uncles house. I hated that carpet.
I was sitting there in the living area playing with my Strawberry Shortcake play set and then things morphed into me playing with my Weeble Wobbles haunted mansion. Out of nowhere appears a woman. I had never seen anyone like her. She had braces and a page boy hairstyle that was popular for the 80's. She took me into the dining area and put a piece of white cardboard in my mouth. With the sudden realization that she was a witch, I sprung awake. The first thing I see is my two crochet dolls floating on to my bed. I tried to scream but nothing would come. I thought about how the witch put the cardboard in my mouth. It must have been so I couldn't scream. She was laughing when she did it with these black teeth.
I jump out of bed and go to wake up my Mom. She tells me to go back to bed and she will make me pancakes in the morning. I return to my room because she won't get up and my dolls are still on the bed. I put them away and manage to go back to sleep. I told my Mom what happened again in the morning but she said she didn't remember a thing.
This was not the only time things like this happened. I would see Frodo from The Lord of The Rings in my closet. He was sort of transparent and in cartoon form. I once saw skeletons dancing on my chest and even my Dad's while fully awake. After about age 6 I stopped hallucinating but I always had nightmares. I did continue to drift off into fantasy land while in school and completely lose track of what was going on. I was mentally in a whole other world and my teachers would have to call my name repeatedly to get me back.
I learned recently that I may have had small seizures my whole childhood.
Shelldazy62 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:19:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Night terrors. When you wake up you hallucinate. Did you wake up screaming a lot too? I had them until I got myself on some good meds in my early 40s.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:27:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No. That was the only time I remember waking up screaming. I don't have night terrors thank goodness.
I hallucinated outside of bed time too. It was day dreaming during the day and hallucinations at night.
new_abcdefghijkl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:15:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was 7 I ate a tampon in a subway station.
AtomicSans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not particularly interesting, but...
I tripped once (okay, not just once, but this one time I tripped once) and tried to say "What?" and a preemptive "OW!" at the same time. So as my face locked trajectory with the ground and I stared in the face of my doom, I yelled out to the gods at the top of my lungs:
"WOW!"
djlucario99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shortly after my dad died I had a nightmare. I was walking down my hallway toward his room where I was gonna check up on him (he was bedridden as a result of leukemia and treatment). I asked him if he needed anything and got some response, so I headed out to fetch it for him.
As I started out something compelled me to turn and face him and he appeared dead in his bed, the way I remembered seeing him at the vigil. I fell into denial and closed the door. At that moment the atmosphere of the house changed to that of a horror film: eerie and dark. I took a peek inside and my dad had changed again, but this time he was almost not my father (I thought it was him, but no way in hell did my father ever look like that). He looked like a burn victim, charred skin and flesh. I was frozen in place as he reached toward me in a deep zombie moan. As he held his arm toward me I could hear it so clearly. It was then I woke up and realized I had been screaming the entire time.
Kevincf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work in production. I was working on the Oscars this year and I was changing into my tuxedo about 25 minutes before the show in the bathroom down under the stage where the dressing rooms and stuff are. I was in there for maybe 12 minutes and when I walked out Michael Strahan was standing there with a whole possy screaming and yelling at me that I took too long to change and they had been waiting. Michael Strahan is a very large human and it was terrifying to say the least.
BagofPain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:24:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Strahan: only 1 Super Bowl and he co-hosts with Kelly Ripa. Not terrifying...just sad!
dreweatall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:15:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My cats breath smells like cat food
tumor_named_marla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:17:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I might be late here but this is the best thing I've ever been told in my life. Two Mondays ago I ordered two pizzas and a 2 liter at work for my friends and me. Basically it took 53 minutes when it was supposed to take 30 and I had no time left for lunch to eat. While waiting for the pizza I talked to the manager he agreed to comp my next order. So I called the following Friday and expected my "comp" order to be good for a pizza maybe. What I'm about to type is the greatest things my ears have ever heard. The the guy on the phone says, "I talked to the manager and he said the whole order's comped so just, order away I guess." Order away. Order. Away. ORDER AWAY. Not wanting to abuse this newfound power I just ordered a large pizza, 2 liter, and cinnastix. This might only seem great to me but it was just the best day.
Jcorb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:41:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, this is an incredibly stupid story, but I've never had the opportunity to tell it to anybody, even though I still snicker about it from time to time.
Back in high-school, me and this other kid that I absolutely fucking despised shared a mutual friend. I was pretty much the stereotypical "nerd", and he was pretty much the stereotypical "football jock". It was shortly after high-school, we'd gotten to where we would all three hang out pretty frequently, so the animosity had died-down quite a bit, though I wouldn't say we liked each other.
Anyways, one day, he decides to swing by my house, for no reason. I'm in the middle of a game on the computer, so I yell for him let himself in. This is really probably the first time we've seen each other without the mutual friend, so he leads off with a stupid joke;
"So what are you eating under there?"
I've literally never heard this joke in my entire life, so I just respond saying that I haven't eaten anything. "No", he reiterates, "what are you eating under there?". I ask him, "Say again?". He laughs for a minute, and then asks if I'm messing with him. At this point, I can only assume I have a completely baffled expression on my face".
"The fuck are you talking about?"
He keeps asking me the same thing, waiting for a specific response, and I keep questioning him, thinking he's taking jabs at me over my weight or making fun of me somehow. We're both annoyed and confused by the other, him continually asking "What are you eating under there", and me responding... I don't even know, hundreds of different ways.
Finally, after probably 45 minutes, I just ask him "Man, what in the shit are you talking about?". "Don't you know the joke?". I shake my head. "You're supposed to say Under where? So I ask, what are you eating under there? And you say...", at which point I finally respond "Under where...?", and then he explains "And then I say *Ah-hah, you're eating underwear!".
It was such a stupid joke, but we wound up laughing about it every day for several weeks that it had managed to create such a strange situation. Here he is, just sarcastically asking this kindergarten-level joke, with someone who has no idea what the joke even is, but naturally assumes it's going to have some vulgar, insulting punchline, and for all of the ways a personally could even respond to the question, I manage to elude the response he's looking for, for almost an hour, completely oblivious.
I don't know why, but I've always wanted to share that story. To be honest, I think that, as stupid as it was, it's what finally broke the ice between us. Again, it's a stupid story, but I still crack up when I think about it.
JohnOfArso ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:44:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was eleven or so years old I was sick of all but one of my neighborhood friends. I realized that to play a good board game or kickball I needed at least four people. The house next door to mine was for rent.
Being very religious (traditional Catholic) I decided to pray for some friends to move into my neighborhood. I added some specifics and prayed for a pair of twins about my age to move into he house next door.
A few weeks later, a family took the house. They had two boys about the same age but they looked completely different. Catholic teaching is that all prayers are answered, but not necessarily precisely. Turns out they were fraternal twins. My mind was blown and still is. Too bad I couldn't stand either of those kids.
IntelligentReply ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:49:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
CTRL+F "tree fiddy" and it gave me no results. Read on, people!
TheCrippler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:06:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in the 6th grade, my popular friend invited me to one of his other popular friend's birthday parties. I didn't want to go because I wasn't invited but he assured me that the girl said he could bring me. When we got to the party, the girl opened the door and said "Why are you here?" For the rest of the night, every time a new person would arrive at the party, I would see them asking the birthday girl why I was there or why was I invited. Not long after that, my friend left me for the cool kids. I just now realized, that party was the end of our friendship.
rodmandirect ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:09:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You didn't need that guy in your life anyways. And kids sure can be dicks, amirite?
nerdwa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:09:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm dying to tell the story of how I met my wife to my children. Just kidding, I'm single and very lonely.
Youngstr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:21:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was living down in North Carolina in a shack in the back of a dirt road trailer park next to the woods. Me and two work buddies decided to go camping one night and then hunting in the morning. SIDE NOTE: Camp spot was located on the other side of a 100 acre wooded lot filled with coyotes and foxes, and surrounded by swampland and an electrical fence perimeter. It was called the fox pen and my work buddy "dan" had disabled their fence with a hammer to the power box after being jolted one too many times and had been stealing some property of theirs, as crack smoking rednecks tend to do. Anyway, me dan and "josh" run out of smokes so we decide to trail it to the nearest bar and take the shotgun to boot. We shoot it off a few times along the way and dan stashes it before we get there, but not before his drunk ass starts talking about some tobacco shop he thinks he can rob with it. He tells me this plan of walking in there with his single buck shot rifle and taking the money and asks if I got the "balls" to help him. I told him it was the dumbest plan I'd ever heard and explained to him that he has no getaway car to escape said crime from. This part of the conversation was unheard by josh who by that time was buying the cigarets. And just as I finished my explanation he walks up to us and says "someone left their keys in that car over there."
Don't think I should post the rest but something entirely different ends up happening
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to hear the rest.
elephantoe3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:26:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think I mentioned this story a week or so ago, but it's still an okay story I guess.
I had just turned 13, and it was hunting season. I travelled with my dad who taked an annual hunting trip to my grandparents' trailer (about 18 hour drive, or 2 hour super overpriced flight). We went hunting a bunch, barely got anything, but it was fun!
Anyways, it was Remembrance Day, and my Grandfather used to be in the Armed Forces, so he had to take part in the ceremony that the miniscule town they lived just outside of had. I mean the town has about 250 people.
This sadly is where the story takes a turn for the worst... My Grandmother was suffering from nerve damage in her ankles at the time, and she couldn't walk very well, so she had a walker. One night, she was walking from the dining area to the living room, and she fell on her knee which proceeded to swell up to twice the size it normally was. My Father and Grandfather left to take her to the nearest hospital, which was about an hour and a half drive. I had to stay behind and tell people we wouldn't be going hunting the next day, and hope everything was alright.
She was admitted, and was given a new, better walker, and physical therapy, etc. for a while, while they tried to fix the nerve damage in her legs. However, it turns out that she had been misdiagnosed before, and she didn't have nerve damage at all. Instead, she was diagnosed with ALS.
Between November and January, her condition worsened to the point that she was unable to walk by herself or feed herself. By February she couldn't talk. I had gone back to where I lived a week or so after Remembrance Day, and had been going to school, etc (I was in grade 8 at the time). In February, my class and the grade 8's from the other schools in our area (some of whom we knew) went on a trip to the high school to build stuff in the tech wing. We were making tool boxes. Part way through the day, the EA in our class came and got me and said my Mother was on her way to pick me up. My Father had gone to visit my Grandparents again because it was my Grandmother's birthday. Me and my Mother drove home and packed a bag each and left for the airport to catch the first flight we could to go to the hospital were my Grandmother was staying, so I knew what was happening.
A bit more than 2 hours of flying later we rented a car to drive another hour or so to the hospital. Everyone was there (about 10 people). We stayed for a while and talked to everyone, and talked to my Grandmother who couldn't answer us. All she could do was take small gasping breaths, her eyes closed, body limp.
She took a big breath and there was a pause before the next breath. We all went silent fearing that it was her last, but she took another, and either my Great Aunt or my cousin said something along the lines of "that was a big pause there!"
After another couple minutes, another pause. This pause went on for a long time, and soon we realized that she had just taken her last breath. It went from complete silence to a lot of tears.
I guess I've tried to forgot a lot of the details about that night, because I don't remember a whole lot else... I remember driving back to my Grandparents house, where we were staying, with my Dad who had asked for a mid-size car to rent, and they gave him a Charger. We sped a lot of the way because we were in a nice car, and we knew we might not have another chance to drive a similar car for a long time. He ended up changing it in for a beige Chrysler 300, but I digress.
Everyone who was there decided to spend the night at my Grandparents trailer, which they had basically made into a small house by permanently parking it and building additions onto it. There was normally room to sleep 4-6 depending if you folded out the couch or not. We blew up two air mattresses and had 10 people in that tiny house.
It was one of the most depressing nights of my life. I think this is the first time I've told the entire thing from start to finish. Small bright sides to the whole thing, I got a lot closer with a lot of my extended family. Riding around in the Charger and the 300 was really fun, we went to a National Museum, and that trip was the first time I'd ever played Rock Band.
Thanks for listening Reddit.
rodmandirect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for sharing. May she RIP.
accidentallywut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:26:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tonight i found a wizard
rodmandirect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
More details, please?
accidentallywut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:50:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
he is small enough to sit on my finger
DeeJason ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:27:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I seen my friends mum butt naked when we were teenagers. She just got out of the shower and she left her door wide open. She made my day.
oddwaller ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:28:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a story of some crazy shit that nobody saw but me and one guy.
This dude I had known for awhile worked at this shitty job with me for a few weeks. One day we left and smoked a doobie and headed to mcdonalds. We order, pull up to the window and pay. We are just baked as fuck staring forward waiting for our food. All of a sudden there is a loud crash and a small truck comes SOARING through the fucking air like 40 feet and slams into the ground and rolls once back onto its wheels. We were both staring at it and physically flinched and said "holy shit" and such expletives. We happened to be looking straight at it when it happened. We were actually the only people that saw it. People started filtering out of the building saying HOLY FUCK WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!?!? I guess the impact wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it pushed the speeding truck into the big curb/median thing at the entrance of McD's and he ramped off it, so people couldn't even really tell there was a wreck or what the hell happened. The guy comes stumbling out of the truck and sits down on the mound he ramped off and kinda passes out.
This all happened in the matter of 30 seconds and the McDonalds person is already at the window trying to get our attention probably thinking were are idiots "HEY HELLO TAKE YOUR FOOD" and we are sitting there just like :O
Here is a pretty damn good diagram of what happened
We were right next to my house and my coworker says "Damn lets go to your house I don't think I can ever fucking drive again". It was kind of traumatic to see a flying vehicle while baked.
rodmandirect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was this in Phillipsburg, NJ?
oddwaller ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:36:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Texas
cumberlandblues ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:29:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The little story about a man named, Jed.
rodmandirect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed.
cumberlandblues ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:34:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Then one day he was shootin at some food
Camphikefishbike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:43 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When he came across a moose that was in a bad mood
AlphaQ69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:47:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No joke, but I've had three different meals from three different continents within the same day.
I'd like to think not many others can say that
rustybob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:15:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
would you care to elaborate?
AlphaQ69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had breakfast in Morocco, lunch in Madrid, and dinner in Chicago
SPOOFE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did that today! Had Taco Bell for breakfast, Panda Express for lunch, and Belgian waffles for dinner!
Gooddayhans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you actually moved from continent to continent within the same day (for example, breakfast in Europe, lunch in Asia, dinner in Africa), my guess is that many people have tried something similar even though they didn't realize it.
AlphaQ69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had breakfast in Morocco, lunch in Madrid, and dinner in Chicago
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:57:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My ex drank alcohol when she was pregnant with my son. 4 to 5 cans of beer a day...more on weekends. I tried everything to get her to stop. I told our family physician...I left for a little bit. This was back in the eighties....so, fetal alcohol syndrome was not as well known as it is now. Well, sure enough...my son has learning and behavior problems. Now he is a grown man who blames me for his problems........His mother and I divorced when he was still a child...He still lives with her. I want to tell him the whole story.....but I just can't do it.
Zayniac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:03:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, so here's mine. It's a little long, but I love it, so bear with me.
Summer after grade ten, my dad decides for a vacation we should go to Syria and Lebanon (We're Canadian. Totally random destination, don't know how he thought of it.)
So we're in Lebanon, and we want to see some grove on the cliff that overlooks Beirut. There's seven of us in all, and we get the taxi cab driver that had been taking us around to take us there. We go till where the van can go, park, and start walking along a narrowish path to get there - probably 3 metres across.
My mom and sisters were way ahead, I was trailing behind taking pictures, and my dad and grandparents further behind (my grandmother walks slowly due to a bad knee). So here I am, taking pictures of the lovely view of all of Beirut. I'm near the edge of the path, and step on a plant. Turns out it wasn't on the path, but growing threw a chunk that was missing on the edge.
I step, and as I start free falling forward, I see pure white, and then blackout for the fall. When I come to, I'm already holding two plants in either arm to secure me on the sloped side of the cliff. I've fallen what I'll later realize was three and a half stories. If I had gone a further few metres I would have fallen down the rest of the cliff to my death.
So I come to, and start yelling for help. My sisters hear, my mom doesn't. They say not to turn back - they think I'm pranking them. D'oh. Motherly instincts preside, and my mom decides to come and look for me. A little less than a story above me, there's a ledge - until now, that's where I thought I had fallen from. After describing where I am, my mom finally sees where I am. Thinking I've only fallen a little bit, I don't see her, till I eventually crane my neck...and realize how far I've fallen.
Now we're in an Arabic speaking country, and none of my family speaks Arabic. Thankfully the taxi cab driver was still around, and he called Red Cross. What felt like an eternity later, but was only ten minutes, they showed up. They couldn't actually come down where I was. So they secured a dude further down the path, he rappelled down, came over to where I was. He took me to the ledge, I put on a harness, and after having just fallen, I had to climb up the side of the cliff using the rope anchor to help me.
So they drive me to the local village hospital. Should've been the end of the story. The nurses tell after my fall, I sprained my ankles, and luckily only fractured one of my heels - but that I need to go to the University Hospital in Beirut to do a CAT scan.
Then somehow members of the Lebanese army showed up. They didn't believe we were Canadian citizens, and even though we didn't speak Arabic, thought we were Syrians hiding in Lebanon. The nurse and an officer argued in heated Arabic, until finally the officer agrees to let me go to the UH. On a condition. A military SUV would follow our taxi, and the officer would sit in the cab with us, with a rifle.
He came in the consulting/ICU room with me, and stayed there until my dad came back from the hotel with our passports. Nice guy really, he joked around a bit. Guess he was just doing his job.
Note: At the beginning of the day, my mom had been miffed at the cab driver for charging us pretty highly. We ended the day tipping him nicely.
Note 2: Two weeks after we left to go back to Canada, the Hezbollah conflict reignited, with the road to the airport being bombed. We left just in time.
Note 3: My dad at the time got me a cane instead of crutches. Earlier in the trip I teased my grandmother for being a slow walker. Karma got me pretty hard on that one - I hobbled slowly. My dad still regrets not getting me crutches sooner.
TL;DR: Fell off a cliff in a foreign country, had to get military escort.
Sometimes life makes you think, and realize how lucky you are to be alive. I always thought of every moment since as a second chance, and a reason to live every single second of life to the fullest.
SanFransicko ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:06:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting off the subway in downtown San Francisco at the cable-car turnaround (basically a ground-zero for tourists). It's a mob scene, the cable car is on the turntable, it must've been close to Christmas because there were a ton of shoppers. As I round the corner to head up Powell street, I'm aware of a uniformed cop surveying the scene and a scraggly looking vagrant leaning up against a building.
As I approach, I startle a group of pigeons off the sidewalk, they fly ahead of me and the vagrant, who looked like he was about to fall asleep, lunges forward and punches a pigeon right out of the air, and probably killed it. The policeman and I both turn and look at the guy, then at each other, and the cops says, "Well, you don't see that every day."
There was also the time I saw an old asian lady fight a seeing eye dog on a moving bus.
Modnar947 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:09:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So a while back I was going to see my friend (who was a girl, and I am a guy) during school. Keep in mind this was middle school, where everyone is perverted. When I get to her she and her friend are doubled over, red in the face, laughing so hard I could've sworn they were close to dying.
"What's so funny?" I asked
Her friend stopped laughing long enough to start talking "I was... I was poking her and she told me to stop and then..."
My friend finally chimed in "and then she asked 'what, so only Ian (me) is allowed to touch you?'" I should point out there were tons of rumors going around me and her were dating.
"And then.... Then she said..." Her friend choked back laughter, "'you don't touch me the way Ian does!'"
Talk about an awkward conversation.
TL;DR: my friend accidentally accused me of feeling her up in middle school.
frostypig ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ages ago (almost 20-years now that I think about it!!) I used to work evening-shift on the helpdesk for one of the biggest ISPs in the country. I finished at 10pm one night and took the bus home to my house in the suburbs.
By the time I got off the bus it was about 11pm and there was no one on the street. I still had to walk about 20 minutes from the bus stop to get home (the closer bus didn't run that late)
As usual I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a black jacket. After walking for a few minutes I noticed red and blue lights reflecting around me and turned around to see a cop car pulling up behind me.
One of the cops got out and explained that I matched the description of a person seen attempting to break into cars nearby. I assured him that I hadn't been doing that. He seemed to believe me but asked for a bunch of details which I was happy to give him. Name, date of birth, address, phone number... Then he got to occupation - I said "I work on helpdesk for an internet company" and he immediately asked which one. I told him and suddenly his expression changed and he put away his notepad.
He explained he'd been having trouble with his internet connection at home and asked if I had any advice, and offered to give me a lift to my house.
So I got in the cop car and he drove me home while I suggested a few things he could try when he got home. Once we reached my place I gave him my extension number at work and told him to get in touch when I was on shift if he was still having trouble.
I never heard from him, so I assume he got the problem resolved, but it was certainly a weird experience.
Goldengaia2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:20:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(If anybody knows this mission from GTAV,Please tell me) it was 2 in the morning, and my house was empty, so I decided to play some gta online. I started a random contact mission ment for level 45's (and I'm a 39), and needed up in a mission with people of WAY higher levels than mine. Anyone familiar with the missions will tell you that I'm about to say is impossible, but believe me.
The mission was to blow up 4 cement trucks(but in the beginning it was 2) at a construction site in the city. I (idiotically, mind you) go in guns blazing, and I die from the start, and cost my team their only team life(so if you run out of team lives and die, that's it, you can't play, only spectate). I start again and try to be carefull, the entire site is covered in bodyguards, and all my teammates are dead.i grab my best machine gun and dodge from cover to cover, making sure not to get gunned down. 15 minutes pass and I'm at the first barricade. I keep poking my head up and shooting at the guards, who just keep coming. A headshot 10 or so and duck to another barricade, then try(and constantly fail) to throw my grenades and blow up the first truck. Five grenades later, and it explodes. I run to cover for the other truck behind the building, and blow up the second one(thank god), but then I get a message saying that two more left and I have to chase them down(FFF**) so I run to my motorcycle and drive off at the first one uptown, followed by a helicopter. I don't know how I did it, but I take down the heli,WHILE I'm driving ahead of it. When I shoot it down, the truck comes up into view and I use the last of my grenades to blow it up(which was just two by now). I drive off for the other one downtown, near the railway, and a truck of bodyguards pull up behind me and fires at me. I don't know how, but I outrun them. I take a quick turn to the right, and SMACK, right into a stoplight, spinning off my cycle, while the truck full of guards spots me and turns around(DOUBLE FFF*). I hop on my car again, and blow out their tires, causing them to smack into a gas truck, and blow up(I can't make that part up at this point) and drive to the last cement truck. I spot it, and reach down for my last sticky bomb, hoping not to miss it. I drive past it, hold up bomb,make a donut turn, and speed off at the truck while it starts to pull up and drive away. I smack the bomb onto the truck and speed off near the railway, on the tracks, and blow the truck up. My comrades are silent, still looking at me complete the mission, from start to finish, by myself, with no possibility of accomplishment. One of them sends me a message that says," your amazing, super applause". Best moment of my life spent on a chaotic game.
ilovecaptcha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:21:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There is this guy. His favourite show is full metal alchemist. he was my neighbor ever since we were 10. we used to fight a lot. by the time i entered college, i hadnt seen him in 4 years and guess what, we were in the same class. we talked. became best of friends. we realised how much in common we had. similar tastes in everything from food to porn. During one of our pointless conversations, he revealed how he got introduced to full metal alchemist. He had picked up a CD lying on the streets, which i had misplaced. This was some 7 odd years ago.(we verified later, the CD was mine by discussing the color of the CD holder nd the markings on it i made with a sketch pen) My mind was blown.
DreadedRedBeard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:38:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This shit is guaranteed to be buried but a long long time ago, Me and my two brothers went to kmart and were just getting whatever kids do, hot wheels, cd's, bullshit... As we were leaving we decided to play the claw machine. We were pretty decent and could win every other day so why not? We put ยข50 in and won first try.. ok. Beginners luck... next brother tries. Win. Ok... weird... I try, and im the youngest. Win, first try... The machine has to be broken, I don't ever win. We all ran home and asked my mom for $25 for the claw machine, which she promptly denied until we convinced her to come watch. Then we cleared the mothet fucker like an ocean's 11 movie.
TL;DR emptied a claw machine that some noob bought and forgot to loosen the claw.
relevantthrownaway ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:43:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Throwaway account, I don't care if you believe this story or not. I have kept it hidden from family and friends. The only people who know about it are my wife and the people involved.
Last year I went on a trip to Turkey, while in Cappadocia we decided to go for a hike down a trail.
On this trail local teens like to spray helpful signs for tourists like "Wrong way" and "Turn back" etc.
Well we were pretty far into the hike, ignoring most of these signs when we start to feel like maybe we should have at least listened to them. We get to a point where we finally see another person who happens to be a local and ask him if we are going the right direction, he points us off the trail in the direction of a hill and we start making our way up.
On the top of the hill, a man on a horse suddenly came from behind some rocks and waved his hand and yelled "Merhaba!" being pretty stupid I just waved and smiled back. He then said "Do you know what Merhaba means?" I say "no" and my wife and I both gave him a puzzled look. He told us "Merhaba means Hello, you should say it back when someone offers it to you!" (we were just used to saying "Selam") We reply with "Teลekkรผr ederim" (Thanks!) which is one of the phrases we actually did learn.
The man on the horse said "Have a good hike!" and rode off. After walking for a few minutes we started hearing an engine coming up from the other end of the hill, I could see that it was a small child coming up quite quickly over some of the more bumpy terrain on an ATV.
I could, in my head, quickly imagine what happened next, she had put too much throttle on and flipped the ATV. I threw my bag down on ground and ran to try and help.
The girl riding was about 12 years old and crying hysterically. Obviously, she was hurt and afraid from the unexpected event. The girls leg was stuck under the seat (remember this is pretty remote, no place, time or way to call for ambulance or similar) and I used my strength and lifted the ATV off of her. After she crawled out I put the ATV back down and told my wife to run down to the man who had given us directions.
I sat there with this girl trying to make sure she wasn't hurt and that things were okay. She walked a bit with a limp and started to try making her way down the hill.
A little while later I see the man on the horse coming up the hill full speed.
He gets to us, jumps off the horse, and hands me the reigns and says "Hold these tightly, she is stubborn, do not let go"
He went over to the girl and talked to her for a bit.
"She seems fine, she is just a bit scared, she knew not to use the machine there. She is my daughter, I want to give you the largest thanks I can for all of your help. I am leaving shortly and would not have known she was stuck until tomorrow." He set the ATV back upright, and drove it a bit down the trail.
Upon returning, he then told us that the man who gave us the directions earlier was actually a deaf mute. That he likely didn't know what he was doing when he gave us directions. The way to our destination was actually in the opposite direction.
He invited us to eat dinner at his house the next day, but we had to decline as we were scheduled to leave for Istanbul the next day. He understood, thanked me and gave me a large hug. He then took the reigns from me and rode off.
Later down the trail, we saw the deaf mute again, this time on a moped. He waved at us and we waved back.
I asked my wife to never tell the story to her family or friends and I would also keep it to myself. I felt that telling the story without the context of anonymity would lessen it or that I would be looking for complements about my "bravery". While I feel a great sense of pride about being able to act under such strenuous conditions, I believe that anyone could do the same.
If you see someone in trouble, hurt, or anyone that needs help, you can help them.
I have already forgotten the password I used to create this account. Goodbye.
freak_ship ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was once participated in a mock gun battle (that included blank rounds) with the Royal Marines and a horde of people dressed as Star Wars characters. It took place on an airport tarmac and I was dressed as Jar Jar Binks.
Shillelagh83 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:52:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Case of the Windshield Poop
It was about ten years ago and I was a teenager in a small Canadian town. My parents lease on one of their vehicles had just ended so they bought an old beater to use for a few months before getting a new vehicle.
We purchased the 1992 Honda Accord off of a family friend. The car had a few dings, a few rust spots, and a Star of David sticker on the bumper. It wasn't the slickest ride but it'd make due for a few months.
My family is not Jewish so we attempted to remove the Star of David sticker. The sticker came off but left a permanent outline of where it once was. No big deal.
My mom left one summer evening to pick up pizza for dinner but abruptly came back into the house and got my dad. My mom is hard nosed Irish woman so it was odd to see her rattled. She lets my dad know that "something" is on the windshield. My dad eventually saunters outside to see what the fuss is all about.
I quickly follow my dad out to see what was on the windshield. There in all of it's splendour is a red solo cup full of shit splattered onto our car's windshield. We overcome the initial shock and go into forensics mode.
My dad goes inside to get gloves and places the evidence into a ziplock bag. We examine the poop and after a thorough discussion decide that this turd is not of an animal...it was laid by a man!
I was given the exciting opportunity to throw out the red solo cup of poop when I notice something strange. Buried underneath the turd is a small pair of plastic skeleton hands. Instantly this goes from a 9/10 on the fucked up scale to a hard ten.
I show my parents my findings and the story starts to come together. Across the street lived an old German immigrant. He had always been friendly with my family and made a point to ask how my kickboxing was coming along whenever we crossed paths. A generally polite and friendly man. Recently it had been discovered that he had issues with alcohol abuse and was having marital problems.
Now old German was a history buff and knew everything about World War I and World War II. He had an extensive collection of German war memorabilia including some Nazi pieces. He also collected one other item...
Skeletons.
Old German had seen the Star of David and decided to show his disgust by shitting on our car while leaving a small clue so we would know who did it.
TL;DR Nazi neighbour shits on our car because it has a rusted on Star of David bumper sticker. Leaves small skeleton hands as a calling card.
hoobachan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:00:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 16 I was rushing with a friend, who was driving, to get to my high school at around 9 pm before it closed to grab my book bag. I sat in his window (because the door stuck) and he whipped around our rather large parking lot at about 40 mph. We were young and stupid, so it was normal. Well, he slammed on the brakes and I flew out of the window, shattered his mirror with my foot, and I somehow combat rolled into a standing position and just walked in the front door. We never spoke of it again. Not a scratch or bruise, and if I ever try to tell anyone they don't believe me.
tehgishii ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:08:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At my university, there was a guy a few years before I got there who was known as the 'butt-slapper'. Apparently this guy would run through campus slapping girls on the ass. After this happened several times the campus police were after him. They eventually caught him, and it turned out to be a kid from the high school just down the road. That kid is a freakin legend.
someonetookthatone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:13:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think once I almost got kidnapped. My sister and I would walk home from the bust stop everyday in middle school. The neighborhood we lived in was mostly safe. I knew all my neighbors and their cars, which I know sounds weird to say but when you walk past your neighbors truck or minivan everyday it becomes a familiar thing. Any who where I lived there are multiple mailboxes down the whole street. Every 6 or so houses (12 I guess if you count both sides of the street) There would be a mailbox where everyone would get their mail. Our mail box was right outside our neighbors house so pretty close. Anyways I remember me and her walking home and just as we were approaching the mailbox there was a truck cruising down the street in the direction towards us. Just the way it rolled gave off a predatory vibe. So I remember looking at it sideways and as we got closer to the mailbox it pulled by the curb. Now we were right in front of the mailbox and this guy got out. I stopped in my tracks shhh'd my sister(rambling) and grabbed her hand and gave him the stankiest look I possibly could. He whips out this key and goes "I'm checking my mail". I just shook my head to say "No." and we literally circled each other giving each other stank face. As soon as I was around him me and my sister ran straight home. He didn't check his mail! We had to go through the garage so we stood there waiting for it to open looking at him. He got straight into his truck and drove off never to be seen again. I always wonder if....ya know I'm just being dramatic. But I lived on that street for years! The model homes were still there when we first moved. I never seen his face, his truck. And I did not know him. Knew everyone else or at least they were familiar faces. But this guy. And there was a mailbox at the top of the street where he came from. Oh well, I just always want to tell this story. Because misunderstanding or not. That was an intense walk home.
Dualspace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:24:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For some background, my girlfriend and I are both college students about to graduate from UC Berkeley. We spent a week in NYC this past winter doing interviews, exploring the city, (trying the cronut), and just generally having a good time. This often involved being out really late because our sleep schedules were adjusted to college life on the west coast which already had us going to sleep past 2:00am on an average day.
Skipping to actual events, we were coming back from getting the Halal Guys (street food) late at night and decided to take the subway. When we got to the station of our final destination, I noticed on a bench (in the center of two lines) a passed out man whose iPhone had fallen onto the ground. I was concerned and wanted to see if he was okay as there were only 3-4 other people in the station at the same time and no one else was looking at him. When I got closer to him, I could smell the alcohol that he had clearly drank too much of. I shook him a few times and he groggily responded while I tried to communicate to him where he was and why I was waking him. Seemingly understanding, he put his iPhone in his pocket and stood up. Dude walked straight and fell right onto the tracks.
He was sprawled out on the tracks and my girlfriend along with the few other people in the station immediately started yelling at him to get up. I dropped to the floor and tried to grab onto him, but the drop is fairly sizable. Luckily, he managed to sit up from his fall and hold his arms up. I grabbed his arms and yanked him back onto the platform. I told one of the other people at the station to make him stay seated as I ran to go tell the employee on duty that someone needed to take care of this guy. Once I let the station agent know, my girlfriend and I left as we still had a long walk back to our hotel near central park. I still can't believe I haven't told that story to anyone!
tl;dr extremely drunk, passed out guy in nyc decided to walk straight off subway platform in the middle of the night and I had to rescue him
KeepClean1105 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:25:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well this is late but..
My grandfather was always a jokester, not in a dad-jokes kinda way, but more like he could all these neat tricks.
Anyway, i was a kid, like 12 maybe, and me and my brother had just gotten 20 danish kroner (3.60$) and my grandfather bet us our 20 dkk, that he could run from us.
Of course we accepted because he was like in his 70' and we could double our money.
So we go out on the street and at the "go" me and my brother starts running like hell, and thats when we realize that our grandfather has run the other way.. He never said he could go faster, he just said he could run from us.
We were heartbroken, because those 20 kroner was a lot of money for us.
Of course he never took the money, he was just messing with us.
A little over a year ago he lost a 5 year battle with dementia.
I visited his grave half a year ago, opened up the hole where you plant flowers and settled the bet.
Haven't told anyone about it.
mrwongme ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:36:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I tried running away from home when I was younger. I forget how old, maybe 6-8. Don't even remember why I wanted to run away. I put my stuffed Cookie Monster on their bedside table as a goodbye, and went into the living room to write my little kindergarten good-bye letter.
After I finished, I tried turning off the lamp but I just couldn't do it. Literally, I just couldn't turn it off. It had a shitty little knob like this. For some reason, little 6-8 year old me broke down crying because I couldn't turn off the lamp. My mom woke up and found me crying in the living room.
The only thing I remember after that is her turning off the light.
GingerJesus0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:41:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll give it to you alright;
When I was 11 there was a phase where guys liked to "go body" where it was basically a fist fight except you couldn't hit anyone in the face or balls. This kid was talking a lot of shit to me about my weight (I was a normal 130lb kid surrounded by skinny Mexicans but whatever) and so I challenged him to go body in the restroom at lunch. I was told he was there when I was done eating so I walked through the hall with a fucking purpose. 4 people behind me to come watch, I kick open the door and the door slams into this little tubby 2nd grader's chocolate milk which goes straight into his face and knocks him on his ass. Everyone started laughing but I paid no attention to it because I was getting psyched. We "fought" I backed him into a corner and threw some shots. It was immediately stopped to the sound of the door opening, everyone went quiet and I looked over to see the principal with the fat kid I had KO'ed earlier. The best part was, this kids face was covered in blood, chocolate milk, snot and tears, while he was crying hysterically. It sounds fucked up but it was the funniest thing of all time.
TLDR; I was a dick in elementary school
Crisspie13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:54:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
6 years ago I lived in a nice apartment with my 1yearold son, and my wife, I worked a great job as a fabricator and life was going great. Then one day I am walking up the walkway to my front door , to do this the walkway had to go parrellel to my porch, as I walk up hoping to see my little man in the long glass that's in the door to my porch, (he knows when I come home and would stand there waiting) what do I see but my wife on her shoulders back against the couch, she was a hymnody and into yoga but never used the couch, but then I see legs that are not hers, I get a different angle and closer and here is some dude Drillpressing my wife, now I am not in total love with this women, but we have a kid and have gotten married so if I could keep the pocket python in check her pussy could too. So I walk back to my car, in holster my .45 and start pulling the bullets out of the magazine. Now before you go man that was smart of you, you did the right thing let me explain. I had just gotten home from the military 1.5 years earlier , and suffer slightly from PTSD, what was going trough my head was I could do it with 1 bullet, no wait 2 in case I hit bone, I right then decided that that was not gonna work because of thin walls and my son in his room. So I looked at my KaBar I snuck home from the service, I could take them out at gunpoint to the retention pond then stab him to death after knocking her unconscious, then just toss her into the water and she would drowned, at the moment I had my plan together I thought of the violence I saw as a child in a abusive home, and how having a drug addict mother was like having none at all and how hard that was, so I loaded my gun and put it into the glove box, and waited with a laboratory paper that I had sitting in my car. I got out and waited, I knew he would be liked out soon as she would know I would be home soon. I saw him walking brisket down that same walkway and I whipped up some tears by poking myself in the eyes, and started to sob and pace back and forth. When he got close I grabbed him knowing he was rushing to avoid the husband as "he is usually home by now" I said " get man I need help, please! " he doesn't know go I am and saw this as a oppertunity to be where he was other then fucking someone's wife. I said " I cheated on my wife J*** a few months back didn't feel well" and look at this waving the lab paper in his face " I have fucking HIV ducking HIV almost fucking AiDs !!! And now I have to tell my wife I gave it to her!!!" Please tell me how I am going to fucking do that god dammit " and I just fell to my knees" he asked to see the lab paper and I refused, saying I just gotta do this, he kept asking to see it, I am a nurse I can help let me see, he really was pushing but I played it off like I had to get moving. It's funny cause by time I got in the house she was in the shower and left her phone out, he was texting her crazy!! Asking what I looked like and if I told her I has HIV, but she wouldn't respond while I was around.
I divorced her also got primary custody of our son , remarried as happily ever after without the ninja, and this wife lets me do the drill press so I am happy:)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:12:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in grade school, I saw some ninth graders playing football (I was like 7 or 8 at the time). One of them kicked up the ball into the air, and two other players from opposite teams both rushed for it. They both kicked upwards at the ball at once. The result? The ball flies into the air, too far up for me to see it (yes, above the fucking clouds). 30 seconds later, it comes falling down and they continue playing. I swear it on my life.
Merari01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:20:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young and lived in a village I would on a friday night bike to the city to go drinking with friends who lived there. On one such night while biking back home drunk I thought it would be a grand idea to have a little rest because I was tired from biking against the wind. In my backpack I had a quarter bottle of wodka left and I thought it was a fantastic idea to turn into woods, make a campfire and have a drink.
So I left my bike in the woods and started to look for suitable branches. I'd find a branch, walk back, dump it and go look for another one. After a few times of that I noticed that I probably was walking back to a different place each time. Could not find my bike or backpack, which I had placed next to it.
Trudged through the woods for about an hour looking for my bike. Finally gave up, found a ditch to sleep in, covered myself with my jacket and fell asleep.
Awoke at first light and being slightly more sober I managed to find my bike again by finding the road and the turn into the woods I had biked into, retracing my steps.
When I finally got home it was 10 in the moring and I was dirty and scratched from branches.
habeebidee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:23:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That when things went to utter shit in America for me, I sold everything I owned and moved to the Middle East to marry my boyfriend. I had NEVER met him in person (we met on Facebook) but I just took a big breath and jumped. We had been in an LDR for ~1-1.5 years, lots of Skype, Tango, Viber, WhatsApp... I just trusted that he would be there at the airport when my plane landed. He was. Of course now he's not my boyfriend, he's my husband... and I still speak next to no Arabic.
cptbionic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:24:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes when I pour the next glass I wonder if it will all be over. Staring at the drops falling out, slowly. I wait on every drop - waste is not acceptable when dealing with the end.
While I am talking about alcohol, I often think about the other side of the world: what if I was talking about fresh water?
I'm just hoping for the end of conscious thought, while others are grasping at life. It leaves me wondering, where would I prefer to be?
mrthrowzdabearz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:27:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
After getting near blackout drunk one night I ended up charging $500 in a "massage" parlor in Tokyo. Drunk me decided to sign the receipt in Hiragana, which made total sense since I was in Japan. But since I'm from the US the sudden high charge in a foreign country combined with a signature that did not match my own ultimately caused my bank to charge back the money. I don't think I'll be showing my face around there again.
dressing4therole ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:28:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My best friend and I hadn't spoke in weeks. When we finally did she cried and hung up for probably no reason. And we went a few more weeks without talked again. When we talked again, and she blamed me for sleeping with another old friend the same night she cried. A couple weeks later she takes a pregnancy test which turns out she got pregnant when we fought and then blamed me. So, according to her I'm the reason she got knocked up.
purple_bee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
yeh, you should probably have to pay child support
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:30:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:31:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did they pay you through paypal or something? You should check out a site called Fiverr. People do similar stuff on there.
Sabesaroo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:31:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got a quickscope once.
Temporary_Brennan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:55:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
A few years ago I had just come out of a messy divorce and had thrown myself into work, partly to keep my head occupied and partly to keep afloat financially. this meant that I worked away from home a lot and it made it quite difficult to meet somebody new and after a few months I started to really miss having some intimacy in my life so I turned to the Mos Eisly of the internet, the Craigslist personnels section.
I'm pretty web savvy and well aware of the shark tank I was diving into so it came as no surprise that virtually all the replies I received were from scammers, spammers and trolls, these were all duly ignored /toyed with.
One message was a little different though, a woman in her mid 40's replied saying that she too had just been through a messy separation and would love to meet me at my hotel. She attached a photo to her email and she was very, very attractive (and vaguely familiar), which immediately had my scam senses tingling, but as I was using a disposable email address with no identifying information attached to it I though what the hell, I'll bite.
We swapped messages for a few days and I slowly began to realise that maybe she wasn't a scammer after all and after I explained that I was a bit nervous because of her too-good-to-be-true photo and I took her up on her offer to send me a selfie holding a household item of my choosing as a way to verify that her picture was genuine.
So the photo arrived and yep, there she was holding a loaf of bread looking even more stunning. But the interesting thing was that she must have sent this from her phone and the email client on there had attached her full name to the message. That's when I realised that I knew who she was, a writer who while not incredibly well known generally, was pretty famous within her genre and I had read some of her work.
I reciprocated with a photo myself and she didn't recoil in terror so we agreed to meet at the hotel I would be staying in just outside London.
On the night I waited outside the hotel as agreed, it was a warm summer night and I sat at one of the outdoor tables nursing a beer and feeling equal parts terrified and excited but she didn't show.
I waited a while longer but it started to get chilly, so crestfallen I decided to call it a night and went back inside. I was just heading back to my room when on impulse I decided to swing by the bar and grab another beer to take with me.
I ordered my beer at the bar, turned around and there she was. She looked pretty in the photo's she sent but in the flesh she was beautiful and certainly well out of my league, I was batting well above my average here. I bought her a drink and we found a quiet corner of the bar to sit in. Conversation was a little awkward though as she had expressed a desire to remain anonymous and me knowing who she was made the usual small-talk difficult. I was quite relieved when she suggested we get room service instead of another drink at the bar.
We swapped a couple of emails in the subsequent days, I left her an email address where she could contact me but I never heard from her again. I followed her work afterwards and although she doesn't seem to be actively publishing any longer, I did smile when I read one of her short stories about a female alien, stranded on earth who laid her eggs inside the bodies of men after she chose her victims from internet personnels sites.
TigerHall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've read that story, I'm sure of it - but I can't remember the author.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I was about 13, and every Wednesday I'd go round my friend's house and have a guitar lesson. Me, him, and his older brother all had the same teacher.
So me and my friend walk in the door after school and the older brother, Bradley, comes and stands at the top of the stairs. He shouts down that he got a load of sweets at college and then chucks them down.
I was talking to my guitar teacher, who was standing just outside the living room, so I wasn't really paying attention. When I heard him throw the sweets, I just reached out and caught them, one handed, without looking, continuing the conversation the whole time. Coolest thing I've done, and I don't even like sweets.
Legaato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:06:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Two of my friends and I would always drive around town and try to find good, discrete places to smoke weed. One day we pull up on the side of a grocery store in an alley and there are two big shipping containers lined up against the wall with space in the middle big enough to park my car. So I back my car between the two shipping containers and pack a bowl in my bubbler. We smoke it all and we're just chillin' there when all of a sudden a fucking COP CAR PULLS UP IN THIS RANDOM ASS ALLEY NEXT TO A GROCERY STORE and stops in front of us. The cop rolls down his window and yells, "What are you guys doing in there?!" Queue all three of us shitting bricks. I roll down my window and say, "Nothing!" The cop replies with, "Are you guys fagging off back here?" My friend in the front seat and I both stoned as hell, nod our heads and say yes at the exact same moment. Then the cop tells us to get the hell out of there.
Now, my friends and I aren't gay so we certainly weren't doing anything sexual in my car, but for some reason I guess cops don't like to mess with gay people. The fact that my friend and I, unbeknownst to each other, both nodded to his (hilarious) question got us off the hook that day.
Put_It_All_On_Red ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:29:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Feel free to post to /r/AStoryFromMyLife guys!
ILOVEYABADMOMO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:46:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This week, I shaved the balls of a man with no legs
fishyDONK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:49:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was 15, had internship at a fishing shop, boring as hell, went to the bathroom, jerked off, left the shop.
h3isenburg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:50:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my buddy (He introduced me to Reddit) were hanging out on his porch. It was around 2 AM and we were just drinking and talking sports. I was smoking a cigarette and once I was finished, I flicked it towards the ash tray on the floor. It was a big ash tray and I was surprised I missed. Looked down and the cigarette was standing right side up. Luckily he was a witness. Doubt I can do that again in a million years even if I tried.
Tactical_Moonstone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:06:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was the start of the school year. Just after assembly I was tasked to do something for my teacher. I no longer remember what I had to do that day, but immediately after that, practically everyone in the school scattered and moved back into their classrooms.
There was no order over the PA system, no nothing. Everyone just started moving double time back to their classrooms, which is really out of character for my school.
When I returned to the classroom, everyone was quieter than usual. The teacher was there, and he seemed to know something we don't. Rumours started to fly around. Some students said that someone just committed suicide. Others were speculating which year/class the student was from. No one seemed to know, and the teacher advised the students to stop discussing about it, which we all followed since we didn't have any information in the first place.
The next week, the principal gave an update, confirming that a junior (I was at my final year. Everyone is a junior by then.) had indeed jumped off the fourth level (not roof) of the school. What's tragic was that the student did not die immediately; he died in hospital.
Given that the school was only 9 years old at the time of that incident, it came across as rather creepy.
darkapprentice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:21:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live in Orlando and while there I started to sell weed. Eventually, I sold other things as well but nothing bad for you only psychedelics. (lsd, shrooms, dmt, etc....). Anyways, I was selling either a quarter pound or half pound to this guy for about 7 months straight every couple of days to a week or so.
After I move into a really nice house with 4 of my friends, one day I get a text from him asking if I or anyone I know could get a qp but bring it to him since his friend's car didnt have a lot of gas. I said sure but then remembered I had class when he needed it, so I had my roommate do it for me since he volunteered.
He took the qp with him and said thet since they didnt want to make him go the whole way, they would meet him at a gas station and they did. The guy came up to my roommates car and looked at what he was getting and said awesome and went to his car to get the money, which is when my roommate realized it was a bust happenning and he got out of the car and was tackled to the ground by 4 Drug Enforcement Division officers that are huge (He is 5'6" around 100lb awesome Polynesian guy). And gets his knees fucked up. This bust now gives them the probable cause to bust down my front door and go through my house looking to see who was there. Only one guy was there and was on the couch.
The third roommate was picked up while he was coming home from going on a run. Then I was coming home and my friend texted me asking if he could come over and hangout, so he was on his way.
I get out of my car and when I go to reach for the front door, my hand is grabbed, backpack taken off and piut in ziptie handcuffs. I was put in my garage as we made it a party garage so there were couches. My friend got there and the same thing happened to him as it did to me and then we were sitting with each other. We are brought in to the living room once they realize the garage gets hot in the middle of the day.
While sitting there, my last roommate gets home and is put on the couch with us. Then three of the officers put on my 360 and netflix and asked how to use the controller to get something they wanted to watch.
By the way, the search warrant is still being written and waiting to be signed by the judge at this time.
Anyways we winded up watching Act of Valor and a few episodes of Workaholics with all 10 of them. Then the warrant was signed and finialized and we were taken to the DED offices and were held and questioned and then taken to the booking and release center where I found out I was being charged with 7 felonies and 1 misdemeanor. My roommates and friend were all brought to jail with me and we each got out within a few days. I was in there the longest as I also had the most charges and bail which was $51,000, but I was still only in there for 8 days total, didn't even fully get booked before I bonded out.
Wound up having to pay court fines of about $3000, 50 hours of community service, a year of probation with random drug tests and a possible 6 month early termination. Was tested 3 times total and I get off probation midnight on June 2.
Warm_Kitty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:32:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
This won't compare to other stories here, but I've got a couple of voice acting parts (it's a hobby) for a fan made anime movie (Hetalia). I want to tell my friends and family but they won't really care nor understand so I'm telling you guys, thanks for reading :)
EDIT: A word
balamory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:36:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have cancer.
D1rg3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:49:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is something I've now told to a large group of my friends as of a day ago... alcohol a lot of alcohol "I found you on gone wild. (points at said friend in group) your butthole is really stretchy"
TranshumansFTW ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:11:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 10, I was being an idiot and waving a bunch of really, really expensive knives around. I dropped one, and as it fell the point stabbed exactly between my big toe and the next one. The end snapped off, and it kind of looked like a cheese knife.
I very, very carefully spend the next 6 hours sanding it down until it looked like the cheese knife I googled. I then proceeded to place it back in the drawer, and hoped like hell nobody would find out.
I'm in my 20s, and I have yet to be found out. I declare myself cheese ninja.
CrossedChemicals ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:40:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I went to an interesting school. It was a K-12 school, where the elementary students (grades 1-5) were in a series of large interconnected rooms, as well as middle school, and the high school was on the other side of the school and acted like a normal high school with just a bunch of little kids running around the other side of the building. My first year here I was entering the 5th grade. (This school was in the rich nice part of town, and my mom wanted my brother and I to go there so we weren't essentially a minority at any other school we could of gone to.) On Martin Luther King JR. day our teachers decided to do a social experiment about racism.
The experiment was to separate everyone who had blue eyes, from the people with brown eyes. The people with blue eyes were to be the persecuted, where as the people with brown eyes were the ones who got well treatment. Of course, I have blue eyes. At first we were segregated. Our teachers completely separated myself and about 15 other student from our class (remember grades 1-5) of 40-55 students. At first this wasn't a big deal, as a little kid I thought it more of a game. Though, as a kid you get bored quick. So in my mind when the 'game' was over I stopped following the rules. I suppose that's the point when I found out this wasn't exactly a game. When I moved from my tight group of 15 I was scold by my teachers. When I spoke to someone with brown eyes, I was again scolded. We were honestly treated with a half par from our teachers who were following orders to in act this experiment.
They made us line up against the wall, and wait and watch as all the other students got to enter the cafeteria, and only after the brown eyed children got their food did they let us eat. Which honestly only gave us about 10 mins to eat before we had to go back to class. If we raised our hands, no one would call on us, and we were told to be quiet when ever we spoke without being spoken to. They even encouraged the brown eyed children to be mean to us and to get away with it. It was probably the worst experience I've ever felt in a public schooling environment, and needless to say, by the end of the day most of us were in tears and asking our teachers what we did to deserve this. Needless to say the was the one and only year that that experiment went on, and the teacher who proposed the idea didn't come back the following year.
TLDR: The reason I don't judge people based on the color of their skin, is because when I was 10, my teachers made me feel what it's like to be persecuted, and I never want to go through anything like that ever again, nor succumb anyone to anything like that.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:40:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was sitting in a sofa at a friend's party, just talking to some people. My roommate shows up and ask me if I want a beer. He tosses it to me, a bad throw arcing over my head. I keep talking, looking at the person I'm speaking to, and reach up over my head and grab the beer. I felt like a boss when I had my victory sip.
stunsify ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:41:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why i want to share this, i just kind of want some finality i guess.
A few years ago I was sitting on the beach during July 4th and I got hit in the eye with a bottlerocket. The odd thing is I wasn't shooting off fireworks with my friends, we were just sitting on the beach hanging out. I looked over previously and saw a few drunk people shooting misfiring fireworks that were going everywhere: straight up, backwords over the houses, etc. One happened to shoot sideways and smacked me in the corner of my left eye, knocking me out immediately. A centimeter left and the bottlerocket would have taken my vision. I still have worse vision in my left eye because of this situation. I spent all night in the hospital and had a bruised retina in risk of detaching, so I couldn't play football anymore.
I have no idea who these people were, and I don't know if they even saw it hit me. Whoever you are, fuck you.
SgtPuppy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:59:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About 10 years ago I was out late heading home from a heavy weed session with a good friend of mine. He didn't have any computers at his home so I'd always bring over my Xbox and PS2 so we could both get high, play video games and watch Family Guy. Anyway I'm walking home (pretty high) carrying a heavy-ass backpack containing my consoles when I notice a couple of youth across the road staring at me. I take no notice and keep on heading home when suddenly I feel a push from behind. They were trying to grab my backpack and all I could think of was "this is a dream, this is a dream". I get forced on the floor looking up at these two guys trying to rob me when suddenly they look up and scatter off. It turns out some decent soul saw us while driving past, decided to stop his car and get out, shouting at the kids to scare them off. He gives me his hand and picks me up off the floor and asks if I'm ok. I'm just stammering, mumbling at this time, still trying to figure out what just happened. I'm sure there was a "thank you" somewhere within my incoherent mumbling but I cannot be sure. I'll never forget that guy and so wish I knew who he was so I could actually THANK him properly, especially considering my Xbox was heavily modded by my brother which he packed with emulators and XBMC before giving to me as a Christmas present. To me that fucking thing is priceless. In fact I still have that Xbox hooked up to my TV although I haven't used it in years. Still trying to 'pay it forward' :\
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:06:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few weeks ago I heard a terrible sound (it actually was kind of scary) and when I went to investigate, I found an ant clinging on to the mesh on the top of my PC. He had fallen into the fan and was getting bounced around. I saw him fall 2 more times and he survived both times, I don't understand how he wasn't chopped up. My only guess is that the fan was moving so fast it'd just bounce him up in the air a few times until he could grab something. I put a slip of paper down to make it easier for him to get out, and then I couldn't bring myself to kill him. I hope he gets out before I put the poison down. I don't know how long ants live, so he's probably dead anyway.
wwesmudge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't really tell this much but me and my partner were Google+ users before it became open to the public. It was a small community so everybody talked to everybody else, and me and another girl started talking. Long story real short, we're married now and we are officially the first ever Google+ couple.
Funny thing is we don't even use G+ anymore.
hoofglormuss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:17:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Armed guards at my wedding to prevent sister in law's boyfriend and his gang from crashing it
tasteslikegold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:20:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably not be seen now but Ive always wanted to tell this to someone.
When I discovered Omegle I went on a small Omegle bender, I loved how I could meet people all over the world and what not. So I click the button to meet someone and there on my screen was Chris Brown. It was 3am where I was in bed not being able to sleep and he was in the recording studio with his homies.
I say hi and we chat a little and I say to him " you look familiar" he says "yeah" and is doing some stuff on his record making machines. I knew who he was but I said are you famous and he replys "a bit lol" So we are chit chattin and he is having a bit of a dance lol and asks me to dance for him to which I say "Im in bed lol" after about 20 mins I get bored and "next" him and that was that.
This is where the story gets slightly more interesting, the next night I go on Omegle again and Im clicking through sucsession of people "nexting" them till I get someone who looks interesting and the next one i get was ....wait for it Drake!!! lol but I hit the button as I was thinking in my mind "shit that was Drake" Shame really because I like Drake and not so much Chris Brown lol
RagingAardvark ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I bought an expensive vacation package at an auction without running it by my SO. Got home and told him about it, thinking he'd be excited, but he can't get the time off work. I told him I could get out of it, but so far, I haven't been able to. I don't know how to break it to him. I'm hoping someone we know will want to buy the vacation package. I was awake for hours last night, worrying about it. That said, anyone want to go to Hawaii this fall?
Patches67 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:49:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was on my way to the store to pick up some beer and as I was at an intersection waiting for the light to change I heard this ungodly racket coming from the gas station right next to me. Someone was driving away with the gaz nozzle still in their tank. It ripped right clean free from the pump and the guy just drives away like he's completely oblivious to what just happened.
So I make a right turn at the red light to catch up to him and pull alongside him. It's an elderly doddering old geezer who looks 90 years old. And if he wasn't 90, then it's because he was 100. I roll down my window and I yelled. And he reacts like he just woke up and realized he's driving a car. He doesn't hear a gas nozzle being ripped from the pump but someone shouting to his window nearly makes him wreck the car. He's got this old lady sitting next to him that I'm assuming is his wife and they both look scared shitless.
"THERE'S A GAS NOZZLE STUCK IN YOUR CAR!"
And I'm pointing to the back of his car. He doesn't turn around to look, he just looks at me like I'm a crazy person. And his wife hits him on the chest and says;
"Don't pay any attention to him! He's crazy!"
So I tried shouting again there was a gas nozzle stuck in his car and the old lady climbs over her husband to shout out the window
"LEAVE US ALONE YOU CRAZY PERSON!"
Then she hits her husband in the chest again and screamed at him to drive away. And he floors it. And he's not driving some giant beast of a forty year old Cadillac. He's driving a brand new four door Honda which will go pretty darn fast if you put your foot down. So he just tears off down the street at highway speed. Cuts off two people, he's out of control hitting the curb and knocking over garbage cans. It's fuckin mayhem.
I'm sitting in my car full of empty beer bottles and I don't even have a cell phone to call the cops with. So I said fuck it. I gave up and started heading back to the beer store.
I bet that doddering old biffer didn't even notice the gas nozzle when he got home. He went home, went to bed, and when he woke up the next day he asked himself why do vandals keep sticking gas nozzles in his car? That's like the third time this month they've done that.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I told this a few days ago and it's where this name comes from but...
Kid's this is the story of how I met my teacher...
Walk into class one day, late because no first period and fuck it, it's 11th grade, nbd. First class I sit down, look up and who do I see but this gorgeous woman, blonde hair, smile on her face, the cutest dimples in her cheeks, and a bounce in every step. The excitement from her is palpable. Now Of course, I thought she was physically attractive but I had her class everyday meaning I didn't associate her very much with fun.
Let's go forward one year(no reason to go full ted mosby on you guys) and I decide to go visit her class, she was one of my favorite teachers last year so I thought why the hell not, I got 20 minutes to kill after school most days, let's talk and become friends.
First conversation with her was just after she put a student back in his place with an authority she had never needed to wield in my class with her last year. Told her she had a talent for it, her reply that struck me to the core and started my journey down the rabbit hole "You have no idea how talented I am" with a sly wink.
And that kids is why my teacher gets me hard.
YOLO_Q_WARRIOR ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay I remember a few years back I was walking a girl to the train station at 2am. We had made out quite a bit at a party so I figured I would walk her to the train station as it was on the way.
So we get to the train station and talk and stuff she asks me to come with her but I say no as I was still a virgin and wanted my 1st time to be with someone I genuinely cared about. Suddenly this drugged up guy starts yelling at us and stuff like "Hey girl got an itch? I will scratch" and she gets scared and he starts approaching us so being as naive as was I figure he can't be dangerous and walk up to him. We start chatting I ask him to quiet down as the girl got scared and started crying (she was wasted). Out of nowhere the guy pulls a syringe filled with something god knows what and asks if I want some. Naturally I say no and he goes "yea you better not it's disgusting" and we talk. He starts talking about the party he was at and I say "Where did you come from" , I wanted to know how far away the actual party was not like he's story, he gets mad pulls a knife on me. He goes all "what the hell am I not good enough? I have to come from somewhere good or something!?" . I have no idea what to do and just stand still staring couldn't move a muscle. The however thinks I'm not scared and that I am waiting for him to attack or something and goes "holy shit man you got balls standing up to me" (I was 15 at the time he was late 20s atleast and a lot bigger) and puts the knife away. The train finally arrives and the girl gets on and I say goodbye to the guy and then the girl. Scariest moment of my life hands down.
Tl;Dr I wanted the girl I was with at a party to be safe and I get a death threat.
number1penguin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:10:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Last summer, I was on an organized backpacking trip in Thailand. My group had just been through a reasonably long day of transit (flying from Chiang Mai to Phuket, then taking a van from Phuket to an eco-lodge about 3 hours away), so after dinner, they all went to their cabins to sleep. I wasn't tired, though, so I went to the loft above the kitchen to do some reading.
When I got up there, some folks (ages ranging 30-45 vs. my 20 at the time) were hanging out and smoking. Thai laws about weed are extremely strict, so it was the first time I'd seen anyone smoking since I got there. I didn't want to bother them, so I sat on the opposite end of the loft.
After about five minutes, one of the women called out for me and asked if I wanted to join them, because they were about to jam. Hell, it was better than reading, so I went and sat on the floor cushions next to them. They asked a bit about me, and it became pretty obvious that I was living a life totally different from theirs - I was an economics student from the DC area, and they were expats and travelers who had been away from the USA and Canada for several years. They offered to smoke me out, but I had to decline because, at the time, I was applying to intern with the CIA.
We talked politics, economics, and the like - but the point of the discussion was really that they had been living in the jungle for so long that they had forgotten how invested people are in politics day-to-day. Living in DC, everyone is so attached to their political views and storylines that I had forgotten there was another way. Over the discussion, they completely changed my perspective on how I could live my life. That night I decided I didn't want to join the CIA, but that I'd rather find a way to live where I can just be, rather than participating in a cycle of production and consumption.
We jammed out with a few guitars and various simple percussion instruments, and generally had a great, chill evening in the middle of the jungle. Unfortunately, as I found out, they were leaving the next morning, which was too bad since I wanted the rest of my group to meet them.
The next morning I came to the patio area for breakfast before the rest of my group, and "the expats," as I refer to them now, were all eating already. They were super friendly, we discussed hopefully seeing each other again someday, and they left. A few minutes later, people from my group started straggling in, and I realized that I'd never be able to share these incredible people with my own travel group.
I still think about them all the time, and hope that I will soon make it back to Thailand and somehow find them again. I'm doing a 6-month internship at a generic Fortune 500 company right now, but thanks in part to the expats, I am planning on moving to the jungle to help develop an eco-hotel after I graduate.
TL;DR - Met great people who changed my life in an eco-hotel in the Thai jungle, but have no way of proving they exist.
amadaire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:15:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In grade 3 or 4, whenever a pencil crayon's lead would break off, I'd collect them. Eventually it became a currency in our class, and whenever people would need to borrow something, you'd ask for a certain amount of pencil leads. We'd set up our shops during class, and eventually started exchanging pencil leads for food, help with homework, etc. People would open up different shops, there was a tattoo artist, pencil dealer, eraser dealer, candy sellers, and all sorts of things. Our school had a milk program, and we came up with this idea to save our milk and pour it into snow to make ice cream. At first we had this nice little economic system within our class, then it spread to other classes and eventually the whole school. The teachers first caught on when they saw people with increasingly smaller pencils. We'd sharpen and break them, repeating until there was no pencil left. Then they found out about the ice cream. That's when they took action, and tried to get us to stop. At recess they'd have the supervisors searching us like hawks, and we'd start shovelling snow into our hats, and sneak inside to continue the ice cream making inside. We were in the clear for a while until the principal held a special assembly just for us to talk about the proper use of milk, and how it should not be used for making ice cream. Next, our teachers addressed us and told us that there are kids in Africa who can't afford pencils. We were told to stop and think about a way that all of our pencils leads could be used in a better, more friendly way. We got bored and decided to stop.
grizzyb97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I took 9 grams of shrooms and watched The Lego movie (its about inspiring other and getting up and going)... Needless to say I was bawling my eyes out with tears of joy at the end and have forever had a completely different and positive mindset
dankitty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:03:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
For the past two months, I've been having sex with my coworker and not one single person knows about it at work aside from us.
sheilahulud ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:04:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
New Year's Eve. My husband, myself and friends were attending a buffet dinner/comedy show at a local hotel. I'm all dressed up, high heels and long tight dress with slit up thigh. Go through buffet line, get plate of food. As I'm crossing the dance floor, my heel breaks. I go straight down into a half split with my leg out the slit of my dress. Do not drop plate! Do not spill one drop of food. The house band that was behind me loses it. My husband helps me up to a round of applause.
Kirby_Will_Swallow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was 16, I really wanted to drive my dad's car and be "cool". I haven't got my permit yet, and I tried to go reverse, but went forward instead. My cat was right in front of the front tire, and she died from her injuries. My mentally ill brother absolutely adored this cat, and I never has the heart to tell him I killed her, so I told him she ran away instead. My dad was pissed and we decided to keep it a secret that she died. My brother was 6 years old at the that time, and 10 years later he is still trying to find her everyday. I tried buying him a new cat, but he refuses to take it unless it's Peanut (my cat). Everyday he calls me (with my dad's help) and says he didn't find her that day, but will tomorrow with so much excitement. I come and visit each year and he asks me to help look. Still feel bad about it, maybe I should tell him?
TL;DR: Wrecked the pussy, brother still trying to recover from the wreckin'.
psinguine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:21:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Many years ago I went to see a movie with some friends of mine in a town called Gimli. For those who don't know it has a harbour and a very lively beach scene, it sits right on the biggest lake in the province, Lake Winnipeg. It is second only to the great lakes in terms of size. The province is known as The Land Of 10,000 Lakes, and this was even on license plates for a while before being changed. Seeing as how Minnesota has the same slogan.
In any case docked in the harbour is the Lake Winnipeg Research Vessel, or the Namao, a huge science vessel that spends months at a time out on the lake doing research on things that I couldn't begin to understand enough to explain. It has a special spot right at the mouth of the harbour, and it is not uncommon in the summer to see tourists gawking at it when they walk out on the pier. It gets a lo of attention, especially considering it's docking site is right by a handful of other tourist attractions.
So my friends and I have seen the movie, I think it was the first spiderman movie with Toby Maguire, and we're talking a walk around town to kill time. It's late, the tourists are snug in their hotel beds, and we hit the pier. Eventually we walk out to the end and find that The Namao is home. We're standing around a bit when a crewman comes out for a smoke and somehow, I don't recall how it happened, we struck up a conversation with him. He was a funny guy, real friendly, and when he turned to go back inside he asked us if we wanted to join him.
That doesn't happen. Ever. Period. So we said yes, obviously, and he opened up the walkway and lowered it for us. He showed us everything, even the parts of the ship that are below the waterline. It was an incredible experience that I can't do justice to in words. Oddly enough there was nobody else there, I imagine the rest of the crew had already left for home. Odds are that if he hadn't been the only one on board he would never have let us on board. It was my first time on a ship, seeing the maps and navigation charts and all the things that made that ship special.
I've never been on another ship since, but it's an experience that I remember fondly.
TL;DR: Followed a Seaman onto his poopdeck.
yoyo4hobo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:30:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About ten or so years ago, I had a "friend" who cooked meth and had just made a batch. I got my split from him since I had run around a few states and bought supplies for it. After about 3 days of not sleeping I decided I was going to drive to Louisiana from Iowa to go visit a friend.
Around two o'clock in the morning, my butane lighter ran out of fluid. This was a huge inconvenience cause how are you suppose to smoke meth if your lighter won't light? My girlfriend was driving at the time so I decided that it was a perfect time to refill the lighter. In my state of delirium I thought it would be best to use a flashlight to find my supplies cause it would be a lot more inconspicuous than using the dome light :). I find my supplies and the the flashlight on the dash, but forgot to turn it off and it is shining straight out of the front winshield. I start to fill the lighter with butane, but can't tell for sure cause it is really dark. I am still extremely adamant about not turning on the dome light and I had forgot where I put the flashlight. How am am I going to figure out if I've really filled the lighter or not? Well I just so happen to have a Bic lighter in the middle console. I grab the lighter and give it a good flick. The next thing I know my whole arm is engulfed in blue flames... I start waving the fucking thing around frantically and it goes out after about 5-10 seconds. I finally turn the dome light on to check the damage to my arm and luckily there was none--just some burnt hair. I also find my flashlight that was on and pointing out the fucking front window! This is the last time I thought it was a good idea to stay up for three days and go on a long roadtrip.
TL;DR: Don't try to fill a butane lighter on the Kansas turnpike after you've been up for three days on meth.
EpicRiceKakes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When me and my friends were at six flags in california, we got bored after our third day. Being the immature 14 year olds we are, we decided to try to get banned from the park. My friend flips off the camera on the "Medusa" (biggest ride there). As we're getting off the ride, we walk up to the ticket booth. Now, I'm with two friends. One is called Austin, a mature, fun person. The other is called Devon, a fucking legend. So the attendant tells us to never flip off the cameras again. That was enough for Austin and I, as we started walking away. But oh fucking no, not enough for Devon. Austin and I's heads slowly turn around as we hear Devon's loud voice, peircing the crowd, with the words "HEY!". Everyone nearby could hear the aggresive word, as we all waited for his next statement. It seemed like he was picking his next words carefully. Suddenly, he screamed "FUCK YOU!!". Everyone gasped, and stared in horror, as the three of us dashed into the distance. I saw Austin and Devon run out into the parking lot, as I hid behind a bush.
Vexan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:04:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just got my Doctorate yesterday. Pomp, circumstance, the whole thing. Got through two graduation ceremonies (in a heavy velvet laced robe and cap in 77 Deg humid/rainy weather while wearing a suit underneath and trying not to pass out the entire time) the obligatory awkward dinner with family, meeting up with my closest friend who recently got diagnosed with breast cancer at 36 and has lost all of her hair - and some of her health - due to the chemo... and managed to run over a bunny on the way home. Didn't have time to swerve.
I would re-do the entire sweaty, heat-induced, stressful and weirdly tragic day just to have the chance to know when that damn rabbit was coming so I could let him cross safely.....
RebelSpoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are a great person!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:06:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just a few months before 9/11 happened, i got to ride in the cockpit of a jetplane mid flight. The captian gave me a pin too. They had an entire box of spares in the corner.
Propably wasn't legal but i don't care! If you're out there mister captian, you're a badass. Fly on!
DalekJast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:11:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My sister loves to remind that when I was a baby, my mother picked me up, held me in the air and laughed at how I smiled. Then I peed straight into her mouth.
spuch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was in college and after a night of drinking, a few buddies and I decide to head over to jimmy johns for some late night subs. When we get there, there are two extremely attractive girls in front of us wearing very revealing clothing. Now me being the freshman decide to stare at these ladies glorious bootys. As this is going on, I spot an old lady out the corner of my eye, eyeing me down and shaking her head at me. I ignore her and start looking again. To my surprise this lady comes up to me and tells me "I know what you're doing, don't you think about raping these poor girls". Now I would never consider doing such a thing so I nonchalantly laugh it off but this lady is persistent. She continues to tell me that she knows my mother and she will find me. During all of this, it's a good thing the girls in front of me were slightly intoxicated, because they weren't fazed at all. After I get my sub, this lady comes up to me again and tells me that a dog bit her lip and she was afraid she had rabies. As we walk out of jimmy johns, we see this lady get in her car, and one last time says "I'm watching you". Me and my buddies immediately start laughing our asses off all the while wondering what the hell this lady was trying to do.
allothernamestaken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:03:04 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if I've ever seen so many gilded comments in one thread. Great stories, everyone!
TheBomar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:05:34 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, so I am an out sourced agent for a major cable company. We handle calls for every service offered by said company. I was chillin at my cubical one day, minding my own business while I was waiting for my systems to come up. The girl next to me, we'll call her "Angel", is on the call with a customer. She mutes him and is telling me about the issue and everything.
A few minutes go by and i'm about to start taking phone calls, all of a sudden Angel goes "WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST CALL ME?!" I look at her and shes in 'aftercall' so she doesn't get any calls. I ask whats wrong, as she keeps sending things through our systems to the customers cable modem. She looks me dead in the eye with this extremely pissed off look and says, "This stupid fuck called me a bitch as he was hanging up the phone. He said 'That bitch didn't do a damn thing to help.' So fuck him, i'm going to cancel his appointment and blow up his box."
A few months down the line, "Angel", is quitting. So we're chatting about that day being her last day. Laughs about different calls and things we've seen. Then she goes "You remember that guy that called me a bitch and I cancelled his appointment?", so I say yea..why? She proceeded to tell me that for the last 3 months she has cancelled appointments that he has scheduled, sent signals to his cable modem and set top boxes, and generally done her best to completely screw his account up. I knew people held grudges, but I was genuinely shocked, simply because I know i'll probably never meet the person on the other end of the phone, none of us will 9 times out of 10. But she really was offended. She then pulled out her cell phone (which isn't allowed in the building) and calls this guy and tells him that she did it and to next time, think before calling someone a fucking bitch.
So between feeling bad for this poor guy and the situation he had to endure for 3 months, I tried not to laugh. Funny and fucked up. Just gotta watch what you say to people over the phone, not everyone will brush that off!
Slushball ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:33:16 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is probably going to get buried, but here goes:
I am now on my second fake tooth, which is on my top row right next to my two front teeth. My first one got loosened during Thanksgiving my sophomore year of college. There was enough friction that it would stay in during the day, but I would have to take it out every time I ate, otherwise it would easily come out in my food. Later that month, I was in a buddy's dorm room with about 9 other people, 5 guys and 4 girls. I started talking to this one girl, and we somehow bonded over the fact that our dads were both pastors (no way! let's take a shot!). After a decent amount of alcohol in our bellies, we decided to go back to her room and "watch Arrested Development." We turned it on, and immediately started making out. Over the course of the next half hour, we both had our shirts off, and I was on top of her on the couch. Suddenly, she asked: "Were you chewing gum?" I said, "No, why?" She said, "I definitely just swallowed something." I put my finger to my mouth, and to my horror, my tooth was gone. She swallowed my fucking tooth.
She knew exactly what happened, since I was showing off my fake tooth earlier. She drunkenly calls her roommate immediately: "Christie, you have to get over here and help me throw up so I can get this guy's tooth back!" All I heard is a "WHAT?!?" on the other line, but she came pretty quick. The two of them went into the bathroom to try to make her throw up, meanwhile I drunkenly ripped apart the couches, beds, everything, trying to convince myself that it actually fell down into the cushions or something. Eventually I just sat down and stared at the ground wondering what the hell I was going to tell my dad.
She couldn't throw up for whatever reason, and her friend said that maybe we should just come up with something to tell my dad. We decided that since I took it out to eat, I'll just say I accidentally left it on the caf tray when I dumped my food. Perfect plan.
The next morning, in my hungover state, decided that I was already suffering enough and didn't want to lie to my dad. I was already covering my mouth when I laughed and talked, and wanted to just tell him the truth. After pacing back and forth for an hour, I called him, saying "Dad, something bad happened. I'm just going to tell you right now. Here it comes. It involved alcohol, and a girl. Ok, I'm just going to come right out with it." I avoided it for like 2 minutes, and then told him everything front to back, ending with "and then, she swallowed my tooth."
5 seconds of dead, terrifying silence. I thought I was mincemeat.
He suddenly takes a huge inhale, because he was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. We figured it out, I got fitted for a new one for free because the adhesive on that one was experimental, and never talked to the girl again.
TL;DR: A girl and I made out drunkenly and she swallowed my fake tooth, a story which my dad surprisingly thought was hilarious. I got another one for free and my other one is floating in a sewage system far away.
1ShoKool ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:53:09 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I turned in a poem in the shape of a penis and got a 98 on it. It was about the Harlem Renaissance.
Major_Major_Major ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:40 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
My friend used to say that he wanted to get so high that he would shit his pants. One night, under a bright half-moon, he did just that. In a car.
If you ask the man himself, he'll say that the offending shit simply slid out like an uncoiling snake. He'll say he was powerless to stop it.
If you ask me, I'll give you a different theory. I'll tell you about a man consumed by obsession. An obsession with reaching a high so profound that one is transported into the future to live out one's geriatric years in a single instant of bodily malfunction. The high of a crumbling, deteriorated mind that is no longer in control. That's what he wanted. He may have been powerless to stop himself from shitting his pants, but he was also unwilling to try.
We left him on a secluded residential street corner to battle his demons, figurative demons and possibly hallucinated ones, and think about what he'd done. We got a towel for him to sit on from my house and drove back to pick him up. He had in the meantime ditched his underwear. Where those unholy boxers went and where they are now are questions still ponderously whispered, on melancholy evenings when drink and smoke turn us to the past.
mobe24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:43:47 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 10, I had a Jamaican friend(same age) that I use to hang out with quite a bit. I'd just randomly show up at her house sometimes and hang out with her and her family(cousins and siblings). One day, I knocked on their door, my friend answers and leads me to her parents bedroom. Her parents are not home.
I walk into the room where I find her older sister(teen), cousin(teen), brother(toddler), and baby brother(less than 2 years) all sitting on their parents bed watching porn. They were just sitting there flipping through the porn channels like they've done it a million times...together.
That's all I have to say.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:35 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a story I tell people at every opportunity, and this seems one. From Bertold Brecht's "Geschichten vom Herrn Keuner".
The question whether there is a god.
Someone asked Mr. K whether there's a god. Mr. K said: "I advise you to think about whether your behaviour would change depending on the answer to this question. If it wouldn't change we can drop the question. If it would change, I can at least be helpful by telling you that you have already decided: you need a god."
TheThreeOfMe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:56 on May 16, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In freshman year of highschool there was this Senoir who could squat a little over 800 lbs. As I'm asking people around me, nobody can really remember how much he weighed. "No freaking idea." -Person 1 "Too much." -Person 2. And I honestly can't even take a guess, I seriously don't even know how much he weighed. But this steroid freak would passive aggressively insult me. And as a Freshman, I had HUGE mental issues and the smallest thing could upset me. So one day he says he likes my shirt (sounds stupid I know, but you should have been there) and I return the favor and compliment him. "I like your tits." as I walk up and flick his bronze nipples. He immediately puffs out his chest (which resembles cinder blocks), and raises his fist. Meanwhile, agoraphobic, haphephobic me, doesn't even flinch as I look him dead in the eyes. Right then, my Senoir sister walks around the corner. "Hey Anonymous Giant~~~~! <3" The Senoir opens his hand to wave and smiles at her and they head off to the weight room and I just turn around and walk out of the school and go home.
Tdlr: My sister's boobs saved my life.
Subliminal87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:16:02 on May 28, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a sheetz (gas/food store here in PA). Guy is in the stall with two kids...hopefully his. Kid says "look it's getting bigger like the guy in the movie!!"
What the fuck?
Ifan9001 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:34:46 on May 29, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 13 I got a blow job from a slutty 16 year old and I've never told anyone and i was always proud of my self cuz I lasted for like 25 minutes, but later in life I realized she just sucked at giving head...
Edit: unintentional pun
musty_taco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:05:47 on July 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is fucking nuts. I'm going to follow this subreddit. You two have made my day.
randywatson23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:18:37 on September 23, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in college me and a cpl of my buddies went to a small get together at this girls' house. She was one of a group of four in the popular clique at the school. Kind of put you in mind of the group in "Mean Girls." I had been casually dating the "leader" of the group,Tiffany. Nothing official, but we spent quite a bit of time together and everyone thought it was serious. Tiffany had left a while before me and my buddies got there. The other 3 girls stayed and we were all drinking and shooting the shit. One of the other girls, Kristy, was crushing on me. They were very good friends, so she knew that we weren't actually an item and as the night went on her flirting turned into her just flat out telling me "I want you to fuck me!" Well, her and I managed to slip away into the house owners bedroom. After everyone noticed we had slipped away, they did their damndest to cockblock me by repeatedly knocking and calling our cells and other childish shit. Finally after they realized it wasn't gonna work they gave up and we finally got to get down to business. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Kristy and I, Tiffany had decided to come back. She didn't know I was there, but she asked her other two minions where Kris was. They told her that she was in the bedroom. Tiffany then opens the door, looking for Kristy and finds her with my dick down her throat...Apparently she had a different idea then I did about our relationship cause she flipped out! She walked straight over to us and punched Kristy hard as she could while she was raising up off of me! She hit her just as my dick was coming out of her mouth and caused to bite the shit out of my dick. It hurt so fucking bad that I thought she had bitten it off for a second. She then proceeded to beat the fuck out of Kristy. I was curled up in the fetal position because of the pains I was no help to her at all. The other 2 girls and 2 of the guys had to run in and pull Tiffany off of her. Needless to say, Kristy was kicked out of the clique and Tiffany led such a vendetta against her that Kris eventually transferred to another university. (I did fuck her a few weeks later before she left though :)) The moral of the story is don't piss off the queen bee!!!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:33:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
HonkerTonks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:47:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright i'll bite, context?
Hale_storm ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:21:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Here
cameronbates1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:28:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Making fun of Tumblr femanists
bozimusPRIME ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure I want to know. But I'll read the first 2 sentences and make the final call.
isactuallyspiderman ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:14:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This one time I made up a completely fake story on /r/askreddit just so people would upvote me and I could get more karma.
OrderChaos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:28:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But wait, you can't lie in the internet, everything on there is true!
Buy your comment is on the internet and is saying you lied, which can't be true, but it has to be, but that means one comment or the other is false but both comments the internet meaning must true but previously both be true...
Ummm...true, I'm gonna go with true.
iplaysthedrums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I teared up a little. So beautiful.
BXCellent ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:20:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in University in the UK, our neighbours were from the PolyTechnic (which wasn't quite deemed a university at the time). We were in a constant state of feud. They would throw eggs at our house, we would retaliate with garbage. It came to a head when our neighbours scoured the neighbourhood for garbage, and emptied many bags of trash in our backyard.
Then me and a friend went out drinking. On the way back, after many beers, we found a large plastic gas pipe in some construction zone. As you do, we brought it home. We weren't at first sure what to do with it, but we also found some bags of cement.
So, we emptied bags of neighbourhood garbage against their back door. Then, we covered them in cement powder. Finally, we took the gas pipe, and put it through our bathroom window. We covered the cement with water using directing the water from the bath, through the shower attachment, to the pipe.
Finally, we took the big yellow plastic pipe and placed it on top of one of our friends cars a few blocks away.
Then, being very drunk, we crashed.
The next day, the police visited us and asked us about a situation next door. Apparently, they couldn't open the back door because it was fixed in place with cement (and garbage). We denied everything.
The neighbours landlord was not too happy, and evicted the PolyTechnic students, so we declared victory.
In retrospect, this was probably an evil thing to do, but at the time seem incredibly sweet.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:39:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Eliza_Douchecanoe ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:34:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
At least that kid isn't a fake bitch.
lyndy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:49:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Embrace his friendship, fuck anyone who wants to make fun of you. Stick up for him and help guide him, try and get him out for social events etc.
savageboredom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:25:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why not try actually talking to him and stop being a jackass about it.
iSeaUM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
News flash Mr. High school kid, you can be cool and play WoW! I did it, my friends did it. Don't be a douche and ignore your WoW friend. Even if kids give you shit for it in person, they will respect you for not being a fake bitch.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Whole lot of internet rage directed at you over this. I totally understand not being interested in talking about MMOs in real life. As long as you're polite to the kid you're not doing anything wrong.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:35:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:06:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Goonies!
WishboneOffense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TIL, all Jewish kids have an Uncle Max.
Flaydogg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I've seen this in a movie...
Ancel3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:45:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, so I have Tourette's syndrome, and one of my tics is a sort of mini-fistpump.
One day I was at a friend's birthday party, talking to him in a cramped hallway, when I started to back out. I had the mini-fistpump pic, and right at that exact moment his short, elderly uncle (?) decides that he has to go to the bathroom, and I end up elbowing him in the face. Before I could ask him if he was fucking sorry, (I have a really bad sutter) he gave me a strange look and tottered off into the bathroom. I'm pretty sure he didn't know me, and I haven't seen him since.
RIPGeorgeHarrison ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:36:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This story of mine has been copied and pasted from the "moment I snapped thread" just so you know.
First some back ground info. My family had to watch my uncles dog when he was out of town. Recently this dogs life long partner (AKA, fuck buddy) died, and he was acting a bit different. My uncle said he was fine though. This dog ( Bob we will call him ( the dogs real life name would tip off my uncle if he is a redditor)) is a large golden retriever. We had too dogs as well. One of them was an overweight golden retriever ( who is also bobs son), Max, and a medium golden doodle, Bear. So Bob was being very aggresive towards the other dogs, asserting his dominace over them.
Anyways, while I am babysitting my brothers, I hear loud growling outside. When I look I see Max and Bob fighting. They are both trying to bite eachothers necks, but Bob was the clear agressor. I openedcthe sliding glass door and start screaming at them. It just isn't working however. This is about 15 seconds in, Bear is inside, my brothers are crying and screaming, and although Max has a lot of Fat around his neck and is doing quite well at defending himself for such a placid peaceful dog, I am convinced he iis going to die.
Something in me snaps however. I am not sure what, but I believe instinct took over my mind. I readed for the plastic food pitcher I have, and throw it as hard as I could at Bob. It hit him about 3 inches behind his shoulder blade, perfectly on target. He stopped as well as Max. I got Max inside, and cried.
I am using mobile so it is a bitch to type ( no pun intended), so please comment if you want to hear what happened later.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:08 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I'm definitely interested in where things went from there.
RIPGeorgeHarrison ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:08:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Okay, this next but will get a lot more intense.
Imediatley after, I tried to call my mom, who was babysitting at the time. I was in tears, but a problem that I just realized then was starting to come up. I had a mouth full of chewed up cereal when ai started screaming, and I was about to throw up, but was also choking at the time. I told my mom I needed to put the phone down while I got my shit together. I cut a slice of ginger and chewed on it so I wouldnt throw up, and I coughed up what I was choking on.
My mother calmed me down and gave further instructions to check for wounds. Bob was wound free, Max had a small bloody spot on his ear, but it was not more than a drop ultimately. I dabbed it up with rubbing alcohol, and went outside and got the pitcher, and let the dogs back outside. When my dad got home, I told him about it and he told me next time pour water on them. So in anticipation for that I filled up a different pitcher with water.
Later, when I fed the dogs again, a few seconds later, I heard that growling again. Exceot this time, it was between Bear and Bob. I grabbed the pitcher and walked out side to pour it on them. Except they were moving a way to fast so I had to slosh it onto them. And there was on problem with that. The mouth of the pitcher was no more than 5 inches side, probably closer to 4. I wated 2/3 mu water before I threw it at Bobs ass ( he was facing away from me).
This did nothing.
I would like to talk about Bear just for a second. Bear is the single fiestiest dog you would ever meet. He is more racoon like in behavior I would say. His squirmyness was his advantage against Bob. And it was doing him good, except he was being backed up against a wall. Also, Bob does not have fond memories of Bear. When we were on vacation and our dogs were staying with my uncle, bear would get near his pups, and would harass him. I believe his partner ( who will be called Molly from here kn out) growled at Bear one time, and Bears response was to look straight at Molly, making eye contact with her for just a few seconds, and swat her face then run away. Also, he pissed on both Molly and Bob. On the first morning of Bob staying here, Bear pounced in him, and Bob pinned him to the ground with his neck, growling ( thankfully, I am oretty sure that was more disciplining him than trying to hurt him, and my mom was there to seoerate the two).
That was not The case this time. I yelled for my dad saying who was being attacked this time ( if you were wondering, Max had letvhim self in when I went to pour the water on him) He ran over there, saw what was happening grabbed the food pitcher ( the one I used earlier to throw at Bob), and ran out after them yelling. When he got to Bob, he first started kicking him, but he was still attacking, so hestarted hitting him on his head with the bottom pitcher. That was what it took to get him to snap out of it. He stopped attacking, Bear escaped and ran inside, but my dad was not through with Bob. He continued to hit him, and my dad chased him to the edge of our pool ( it was winter, it was frozen and covered up), and my dad got his last hit in.
When he reached the edge of the pool, his arm was completely recoiled for this, just enough to deliver the maximum blow, at an ange similar to one someone would use to hit the corner where the neck meets the torso. He then swung downwards in an arc, going downwards and curving just slightly upwards, smashing the fucking pitcher on his face. Ot may just be a trick on my mind, but I remember there being an echo.
Bob defeatedly crawled to back the yard. I felt bad for him, but I kew now he wouldn't even think about attacking my pets again. I later went outside on my moms instructions, to check his head for injuries. I called him over to the door, gave him a hug, and lofted his gums to check for loose teeth. There wern't amy thankfully. Next I checked for broken bones and bloodclots. I was unsettled by a soft spot I found, but I realized he had it on the other side of his head as well. All was good.
He realized the cause was probably food. The fights both occured shortly after feeding, and Bob at my uncles house had a food dispenser that he could control ( he was surprisingly responsible in that he never overate). So we gave them all seperate bowls, and Bob got a lot more food. As back up however, I kept a large bowl full of water near by somI could actually hit them if they were further than 3 feet away. The next day I collected the pitcher fragments ( it has been 4 months, and a few are still missing I think).
A few days later when my mom told my uncle, he admitted that Bob was acting much more agressive since Molly died. He thought that being around other dogs, especially his son would make it a bit better, but he realized how it went wrong.
Hope you enjoy my story!
aceofshades ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:17:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm coming home from college next week for the summer. The first thing I'm doing when I get home is going to visit my friends at the first college I graduated from. Today, my ex girlfriend texted me to ask when I'd be home (I'm assuming she heard I was visiting). I told her when and suggested we see each other and maybe have a drink. I haven't told my friends because I'm sure they wouldn't be happy about me being unable to move on from her. I don't want to move on from her, I want us to work everything out. I've been dying to tell someone this all day, but have been afraid of how my friends will react.
P.S. I think she knows my account name, but I don't know if she still remembers. If she does, this is a risky post. Whatever, I'm done being worried.
Gertiel ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:06:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck.
IdunnoLXG ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:30:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was checking out customers at the register one time and a girl came in the store. She seemed to be one of those weird, "life is an anime and I'm a character in it!" 14 year old girl types. She would do weird things like pop up and down and then try to point things out in a "cute way."
Anyways one time I was busy at the register and the manager's office is at the front of the store near the register. The manager was having a bad day and yelling a bit in frustration. The girl then pops up and was like, "hey (reads my name tag all 'cute like') A-Andrew, why is the manager yelling in her office?" I told her I don't know.
She starts getting more into her character while I'm busy checking someone out and she's like, "oh c'mon Andrew you probably know why, tell me!" She batted her eyes at me and I got fed up and said, "you think life is a Japanese cartoon don't you?"
She just looked at me confused before going back to her mom. People at my register held back laughter or just shook their head slightly. Some guy afterwards towards the back of the line just said, "Well Andrew, I'd say you handled that very well."
That guy was the fucking man.
defendors86 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:50:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Little late to the party but here goes... When I was in fourth grade everyone was really into Pokemon. One day I found a holographic Blastoise on the ground and ended up selling it to a kid for $10. Easiest $10 I've ever made. This gave me an idea. I started stealing cards from peoples' decks while shuffling through them, then, later that week I would sell those same cards back to them. "You lost a Charizard? Well you're in luck!" Kind of deal... Eventually I had kids (bullies) who would steal entire decks, sort through them, and take all of the good cards. They would give them to me, I would pay them based on how good the cards were, and I would sell the cards back to the kids who had them in the first place. It was my own little pokemafia... I never got caught.
Greeener ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:28:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So we're all at a party, 18-19 years old, tons of people maybe 100-150. most of us are in the backyard, and we're just drinking beers, shooting the shit, same old, when we hear a couple guys start to raise their voice. It's a guy i'm sort of friends with, and another guy is pushing him who I (or any of my friends) have never seen before. This is a high school party, so although we might not be friends with everyone, we can usually recognize everyone.
the two guys start pushing, and the guy i sort of know pushes really hard and knocks the guy to the ground, and says "fuck off buddy, jesus." the guy gets up, and pulls a butterfly knife out of his pocket. by this time, everyone had kinda gathered around, and once the knife is out, everyone's sort of "oh shit, this guy looks pissed, and he just got disrespected, we're gonna see a stabbing."
so while this guy is standing there, knife in his hand, ready to shiv a bitch, my buddy pablo sprints out of the house (I guess he was watching it/heard about it inside) straight towards the knife guy. Knife guy has no fucking clue whats happening - picture a 6"2 foot white guy holding a knife seeing a 5"7 bald spanish guy running towards you full speed. Knife guy just stands there, thinking he's fine, and Pablo just rushes in and uppercuts him, like legit mortal kombat style connecting right at the base of the jaw, and knife guy flies back like 2 feet, out cold instantly. Pablo looks at us and says "FUCK MY FUCKING HAND" then everyone starts cheering, while the owner of the house starts asking who the fuck this guy is and freaking out about cops. 3 guys drag knife guy to the front lawn, he wakes up 10 minutes later, and takes 10 more minutes to stumble to the park across the street, clearly concussed. We heard the next week that he was from another high school just wanted to start a fight and that he had a pretty bad concussion, but was fine otherwise. best thing I've ever witnessed, or will ever witness.
Ghost_Crow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:33:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I went on a job interview one day and ended up in the elevator with two people that worked in the same office, but not near each other. You know, they knew each other by sight but not much else.
She commented on his new haircut.
And his totally innocent reply (no really) was "Yeah, I went and whacked it off at lunch...oh.... Oh, that's not what I meant."
And he kinda glanced at me and it was all I could do not to lose my cool, I just kinda grinned at him.
Fortunately they got off the elevator before I got to my floor. The minute the doors shut behind them I cracked right the fuck up. They had to have heard me.
sl0t ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I recently told my girlfriend that I love her, and it feels amazing.
Sorry, not much of a story here.
Asemco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:05:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My Brother and I were cheap when we were younger and only bought a single copy of whatever game we were going to play. We both had a PC and only 1 copy of Warcraft 3 w/ the Frozen Throne expansion. When he got Frozen Throne installed, I just finished installing the first one. He tried to get online with the Frozen Throne copy and was sad to see that I was online with the original version and we got sad that we couldn't at least play like that.
Then we decided not to be sad.
We were thinking of ways to both play besides on LAN, find codes online. No dice, all banned. Find any friends who had a code. None of t hem did. So we decided to try to get on at the same time and see if that'd work.
We'd count down, "3.. 2... 1... GO!" and see who got in. Sometimes me, sometimes him. We had to figure out how long each computer took to get in depending on when we'd press the button (cause we sucked at synchronized pressing) so we could time it to get each other in. AND IT WORKED. WE WERE BOTH LOGGED IN. WE SCREAMED! WE REJOICED! WE JUST BEAT A BLIZZARD GAME!
We did it so often over the next 3 years it became second nature. His keyboard was long enough to reach into my room so we'd swap between doing it, or doing something else around the house until we got in. It started losing its appeal.
That is, until we got 3 on at the same time by yelling from each room. We still talk about that day, 7 years ago. It was amazing! I wanna install War3 right now and play some Legion TD! I think I'll get my brother to install it too!
TL;DR My Brother and I shared the same Warcraft 3 Key and played online together for years. We also got a 3rd one day.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:26:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
carpy22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RIP /u/Jatexi
ever_eddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:37:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had this one typed out, just waiting for a question like this :)
My mother used to work as a ground stewardess at Luton airport, UKโฆ the employees who work the check-in desks, chaperone unaccompanied children etc.
One of her colleagues, who was a bit of a socially inept person with very few friends, was approaching her 35th birthday. My mother and her colleagues took pity on her and were planning a surprise party for her. They decided to arrange the party at the colleagueโs house, as she always went directly home from work. They broke into her locker and took her house keys in order to make a copy while she was on duty, weeks before the planned party date. On the big day, my mother and 4 other stewardesses went to the birthday girlโs house with food, drinks and decorations. They entered the house the the copied key, walked through the hall and entered the living room through the door. They were immediately greeted by a very enthusiastic and excited little white dog. My mother inspected itโs collar tag and found itโs name to be Kelly. The ladies proceeded to decorate the living room, unpack a veritable buffet on the dresser and enough drink to inebriate an army platoon. As they day progressed more and more guests arrived, filling the living room with tangible anticipation.
Hiding spots were agreed upon, and the time of the birthday girlโs arrival approached. As she pulled her car onto the driveway, all the guests ducked behind sofas, houseplants and room dividers โ excited to see the look of surprise on their victimโs face.
As they waited quietly, Kelly started barking madly and jumping against the living room door. My mother promptly grabbed the noisy lapdog and held it with her behind the sofa. It wriggled and tried to escape, whimpering and shivering with excitement to see itโs mistress return home.
Birthday girl entered the house, but instead of coming directly into the living room proceeded up the stairs, much to everyoneโs disappointment. All the while Kelly needed to be restrained.
After 5 minutes or so of constantly building anticipation, the party guests heard the birthday girlโs voice from upstairs: โKelly! Come on girl!โ
Kelly is flipping out in my mothers grip. She manages to hold her anyway. โKelly! Kelly, where are you, girl?โ
After a couple more calls, Kellyโs mistress is heard coming down the stairs. โKelly! Are you hiding from me you silly girl?โ
The guests in the living room exchange excited glances, ready to pounce from their hiding spots and yell โSurprise!โ
Slowly, the living room door opened, as Kelly broke free from my motherโs arms = bounding gleefully toward the door. The door opens wider, and the birthday girl begins to enter. All the guests leap from their positions shouting โSURPRIIIIISE!โ as loud as they canโฆ but a deadly silence follows.
The birthday girl stood horrified in the doorway, unable to speak. Kelly jumping up at her thighs, trying to reach the thick layer of peanut butter that covered her vagina.
The birthday girl was never seen at work again.
TL;DR Birthday girl walks in on own surprise party wearing a doggy snack on her snatch
tinyOnion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. I want this to be true
slavetoascreen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:21:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm working on it as we speak. The ending is still to write itself. I'll get back to you come the fall of 2015 / spring of 2016.
I2andomFTW ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:25:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Saved this comment, you better deliver.
lostinspace95 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:08:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have a secret that could destroy life as I know it if it were to be discovered. For the past eighteen years, I have been living in two realities. I have no idea which one is real, and which one is in my head. When I am in this world, the other life seems imaginary, I am sure of it. But as soon as I transfer to my other reality, I question everything and truly believe it is the โreal worldโ I have made up. I have come to the conclusion over the years, that to have so much detail and remember it so well(unlike a dream), they must both be real.
In your world, I have a pretty normal life. I live alone, aside from my dog, in a one bedroom flat in the north of England. I work 9-5 in a cafรฉ and spend my days chatting to the customers and making coffee. Sometimes, at completely random times, I will be suddenly aware that I am not there anymore. I have awoken in an alternate world named Elwood. Here I live in a hotel, owned by a man whom I have never seen, only heard. I exchange work for my lodging in the hotel, and meet many people everyday. There is a desk clerk who has a manโs body and wears a suit, except he has a catโs head. There is also a young girl who changes her name every day and the grey man who we are all extremely frightened of. I could tell you about hundreds of people I have met over the years and the things we have done, but I digress. The colours in Elwood are different too. We call them the same names but they are different, such as, the grass is a pastel blue colour, but we would still call it green. This has always seemed normal in my head, I have never transitioned to Elwood and thought โthat is blue not greenโ.
I find being able to talk about this anonymously extremely comforting, as I cannot talk about this very much without being considered insane. My greatest fear is being filled with psychotropic drugs and risk losing everything. I have various theories about my ability to do this, and would appreciate opinions if anyone is experienced in this sort of thing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
lostinspace95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am glad you find it interesting, I think my diaries from each world would make a substantial base for a book of some sort, but unfortunately I cannot bring the diary from Elwood here which is a shame. In my opinion it is the better one.
I have often considered the idea of being insane, it is something I think about a lot. It is certainly the explaination most people would favour. The more I think about it, the darker it sounds, and I would prefer not to delve into the mysteries of the human mind as if I am honest, it terrifies me.
Jaimizzle14 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:55:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's not really a story per se, but a sentence or two.
Yesterday, I sat yelling "Xbox Start. START. START DVD XBOX. XBOX PLAY DVD" and other variations of this at my playstation for roughly a minute before realizing that I'm an idiot.
PrayerofWar ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:44:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Today I made a comment on reddit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:45:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Inb4 tree fiddy.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:04:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BeatnikThespian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:18:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Handled that like a champ, top marks.
Emperor_of_Cats ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:19:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This happened just a few months ago, but I tell the story as often as I can because it was so horrible, yet fun!
So, my friend is in a program where he has to study abroad for at least one semester. I had already made up my mind that I was going to study abroad since it can be relatively cheap. I decided to study in Seoul since it is in a very interesting state economically (I study economics) and it is a fairly cheap place to live (if I keep to my budget, I will save about $2000 this semester.) Anyway, my friend didn't want to go alone because going to another country alone can be kind of scary. I didn't have a problem being alone, but whatever, the more the merrier!
So, after all the paperwork with our university, the exchange school, visas, and all that other shit, we were finally ready to leave. We arrive at Cincinnati airport around 6am, 3 hours before our plane would take off. We get to the counter and see a huge line. Well fuck. We were going from Cincinnati -> Chicago -> Seoul. Total time was about 16 hours including our layover. Well, all flights to Chicago were cancelled.
We get to the lady at the counter, who was working really hard to reroute us. People were very patient with her, which was kind of surprising. She got us rerouted to go Cincinnati -> San Francisco -> Tokyo -> Seoul. Total time with layovers was about 25 hours. Shit.
Oh well, what else could we do? We said goodbye to our families and headed toward security. There wasn't anyone at our gate, but an elderly couple sat next to us. We chatted with them and they were telling us about going to see their daughter in San Francisco. We told them about going to Seoul and so they started talking Korean war and how the man's brother was in the war. The old woman, bless her heart, had some memory issues. Over the course of 10 minutes, we heard the same story a few times. She was such a sweet lady though. The man thanked us when we parted ways for being so patient with her. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all!
We boarded the 737 to San Francisco. My friend took the window seat and I took the middle. A girl sat next to me and we talked for a while. She was doing an in-country exchange with a school in San Francisco. We had some small chat for a little while, but eventually ran out of things to talk about. I pulled up Dredd on my computer and watched that on the flight.
Landed in San Francisco with a 45min layover. We were going to have to rush since we were on the complete opposite side of the airport and would have to go through security since we were going from a domestic flight to international. We were completely lost, but ended up finding a sign that pointed us to where we needed to go. We got lost again and an employee gave us directions. We got to the gate with a few minutes to spare.
We get on the plane and sit there for quite a while. The plane was only about 30% full, which was kind of surprising to me since we were going from San Francisco to Tokyo. The pilot gets on the intercom and sounds pissed. There were bags that were late, so we needed to wait for them. I look out the window and 10 minutes later, the cart pulls up. I watch our bags get thrown on the plane. I laughed that our 4 bags held up the entire plane, but also breathed a sigh of relief since I knew the bags had made it.
That was a very long plane ride. I had only slept about 3 hours the night before we left, but I was still too anxious to go to sleep. That flight was around 11 hours. I ended up watching Captain Phillips and some documentary on Tesla and Model S. There were other movies on, but I was so tired I don't even remember what they were. Anyway, we land in Tokyo and are standing in line with another guy who is headed for Seoul. He told us he knew the airport well and would take us to our gate since we were on the same flight. Sweet deal. Really thankful he did that. Getting through San Francisco was hard enough, I couldn't imagine trying to go through Japan! We go through a bit more security, much less intense than US security. The line was continuously moving. We only had to wait a couple of minutes there.
We wait for a few hours for the plane to arrive. Narita airport was boiling hot, so getting on the plane was so nice. It felt almost too cold on there after being in that sauna of an airport! We take off for our 3 hour flight to Seoul. I was still kind of ill after fighting off a virus that struck me just a week before. My stomach was killing me. I hate shitting on an airplane. If you were on that flight and were one of the people who used the bathroom after me, I sincerely apologize.
We land in Seoul and go through customs and get our bags that thankfully made it. It was about 10:30. The university stopped running their shuttle at 10. Fuck us. Maybe they would still run one? We sat around for 30 minutes and nothing came. I approach some men working at a desk to see if they knew anything about a shuttle. They didn't understand me. It was a long shot, but oh well. My friend begins panicking and asking me what we should do. He was ready to find a bench and sleep at the airport.
Fuck that. I had been up for nearly 30 hours straight. Like hell I was going to sleep in some god damned airport in a foreign country. I pull out my iPod and begin messaging my Korean buddies who were assigned to me by the university. One replied telling me to get on the subway and she would meet me at one of the stations.
We had a terrible time finding the subway, but we ended up finding it after a while. The lady working the gate didn't know english, but helped us get money added to the subway card. By the time we got on the train, it was 11:30. They stop letting people on the train at midnight. Dodged a bullet there!
We take a very long ride deep into Seoul. We get to the station my buddy said she would meet us at. It was about 1am. We are greeted by another lady who worked for the subway. She motioned for us to get on the elevator. We ride to the top and see my buddy standing there. Thank God this trip from hell was almost over.
She gets a taxi for us. There wasn't enough room for all 4 bags in the trunk, so we just hold onto it in the back seat. My buddy told him where we needed to go. He was a funny guy. He didn't know too much English, but said he was learning. He was fluent in Japanese, Mandarin, and Cantonese though. We didn't know any Korean, so he taught us some useful phrases. He then told stories (that my buddy translated into English for us) about his trips to the US. It was about a 4 mile trip, but it ended up taking about an hour. I'm not used to living in a big city. We finally get to the university around 2:30am. Cab fare was like $15. They don't tip here, but dammit we were tired and didn't want to wait for change.
We walk into the dorm building and are greeted by the guard. He didn't speak English either, so my buddy talked to him. He doesn't officially have the power to give us our room keys, but he felt sorry for us after he heard what all we had been through. We got our room keys and he told us to come back down in the morning to get everything officially situated.
I get in the room. It wasn't cleaned. Apparently the cleaning staff was on strike. It was filthy. There was dust and nail clipping all over the floor, but the beds looked alright. I dug through my suitcase and threw my sheets and pillow on the bed and collapsed. I just slept in the clothes I was wearing. After nearly 35 hours of no sleep, I finally had some peace. Damn it felt good. It also got me adjusted to the time change almost instantly, so that was nice I guess.
It was an absolutely horrible experience at the time, but I just look back and laugh. It's a fun story to tell, and I still can't believe how things just happened to line up at the end. It was quite an experience to start this trip. Things have been a lot smoother since then. Hopefully getting back home will be easier than getting here. I love Korea, but I can't wait to be back home in 7 weeks.
TLDR; long flight became even longer, no sleep, navigated the Seoul subway system on no sleep at midnight, learned Korean from a cab driver, and finally got some sleep after being awake for nearly 35 hours straight.
Puddinfellow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:46:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I just finished my Freshman year of college. As I sit back and think about what has happened this year, I realize that most of my craziest stories over the past 6 months revolve around one girl. Here is our story.
In November, I had a huge falling out with a fraternity brother. He absolutely hated me and it wasn't getting any better. Well one night it all came to a head and he started talking shit about how I couldn't pick up girls in any bars we went to. I told him to fuck off and he told me to and he walked off. I found him an hour or so later with a girl who was so not into him, whom we'll call Amy. Amy and my fraternity brother hook up a few times, including one time when I help "occupy" Amy's friend who came out that night. My fraternity brother hooks up with Amy, I hook up with her sorority sister, and it all works out.
Later, my fraternity brother and Amy break things off. A week later, I find Amy in a bar with a different fraternity brother of mine. Apparently they kissed later that night and he said something along the lines of "It's so great to kiss someone who likes me back" which sketched Amy out to the point they barely talked. Anyway, again, I catch Amy at a party a few days later. I was so blackout that we talk for maybe 10 seconds and then we make out ferociously before she leaves. We don't do anything for a long time, but that's not the end of Amy. That was around January I believe.
Also in January I lost my virginity to a different girl and was starting to go a little crazy with some new-found confidence. I became "that guy" who makes out with everything that moves. So, a month or so later, I find Amy again in a bar with her sorority sisters. At first, I try to hook her up with a friend of mine she says she's attracted to. He's not digging her so I make a move. I end up taking her to my fraternity house. We fool around but don't have sex. We become much better friends though.
Okay, so nothing happens until about a month ago. Meanwhile I become better friends with her and we hang out more often, talking for hours at a time about nothing. On this particular night, we start drinking at her place and all walk to the bars and go our separate ways. I see her making out later with my fraternity brother and they leave together. I know she's a virgin so I don't think anything of it. I go through the night and get drunk.
I go back to the fraternity house at the end of the night and am about to pass out when I hear "Amy just ran out!" Something possessed me to run after this girl. I catch up to her and she stops, looking embarrassed. She tells me she lost her virginity. I was taken aback but not surprised; I'd seen this coming because her friends had all lost their's. I did decide to tell her I was developing feelings for her. She said she had feelings too so we made out on the sidewalk on the way back to the dorms. We get back to her dorm and she asks if we should wait and I say no. So an hour after she loses her virginity to my fraternity brother... I have sex with her.
It wasn't great, we both barely knew what we were doing and neither of us finished. We talked about it the next day and both decided we weren't ready for anything serious. Things were awkward, but could be worse.
I find her again a couple weeks ago in a bar. This time she's with her sorority big and I'm with a different fraternity brother whom she's friends with. Her sorority big and I start talking. I don't know if she was flirting with me but when I made advances she didn't turn away. So I kissed her... in front of Amy. Amy was cool with it, she even encouraged it. Unfortunately her big was a lightweight. She started puking as soon as we got to the fraternity house. While her big is puking, I try to make a move on Amy because I was blackout. Horrible move and I thought I'd ruined everything. Turned out okay in the end.
I've hooked up with her big a couple times since then. Amy always knows when I do; someone always texts her. Amy has given her blessing on it, but I always wonder if there aren't any feelings deep down that she's been ignoring. It sounds that way by what she's said but she also has made it clear she wants to ignore them because she's scared of commitment right now. I'm okay with that. Still... it's been a huge and wild ride with this girl.
TL;DR: I meet a girl my fraternity brother was hooking up with, I hook up with her friend, then her a few times, and now her sorority big sister.
Human_Ballistics_Gel ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:26:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TIL : I apparently went the wrong damn college.
beforethewind ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:47:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have to comment on the refreshing unapologetic nature of the bit. It's the typical college free-for-all mentality, and you don't spend every other sentence trying to justify anything or self-criticize. Just interesting, well done. I hope you guys stay close friends.
WishboneOffense ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:58:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
sloppy 2nds?? uhh...no thanks.
beforethewind ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:09:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I'm inclined to agree that it was... very, very soon, but we do stupid things for young "love," or lust.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, college is crazy and I'm glad you're making the most of it. Also keep writing, you've got a talent for it.
XVermillion ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:03:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried but here goes...
A few days ago I received a call from a Sheriffโs office out of state that an uncle I hadnโt seen in some time had passed away. As I was apparently his only next of kin, I made the trip to collect his belongings and get affairs in order; heโd become a bit unhinged as the years went on so I saw him less and less. Well, there wasnโt much to collect as heโd apparently died in a large fire that had consumed his residence. The only thing rescue workers were able to salvage was a strong box like youโd find at a bank. Inside was a journal with only a single entry, which Iโll transcribe here from the photocopy they provided, formatting is my own:
โFor what itโs worth, Iโm really sorry about this.โ
As I spoke, the man in front of me jolted awake. Iโd paused to check his restraints and figured I should at least say something. Anything.
Looking back, it seems cruel. After all, if I was really sorry itโd be me in that chair, not him.
He seemed to groggily take stock of his surroundings; canโt blame โem, I hit him pretty good. Not much to look at Iโm afraid: just four dirty grey walls and a chair. His seat was actually an old electric chair Iโd gotten at an estate sale, minus the shocking bits of course, just lots of thick straps and sturdy wood bolted to a concrete floor. His gaze rested on me, a mix of confusion and accusation. Fuck, I should have just left, said nothing. I should have justโ
โWha..What the hell is this!? Where am I!? What the fuck is going on!?โ
He took my continued silence as a cue to test the restraints; this is my least favorite part. Poor bastard was so dead he didnโt know it yet. Thereโs something unsettling about the gradual realization of just how fucked you really are. I avoided eye contact and skirted behind him towards the exit, his yelling growing more and more frantic until it stopped abruptly. Thatโs when I could tell heโd seen it.
Seen what else was in the room.
Near the wall opposite the chair sat a large tube TV, like somebody who was rich in the 90s might have. I quickly closed the door and engaged the deadbolt. I couldnโt hear the man anymore but heโs probably starting to sweat pretty hard by now. I reach into my pocket and fish out my phone, currently running a stopwatch app.
Christ, 6 more seconds and I wouldnโt have made it. I really shouldnโt have said anything. I zero out the timer and thatโs when I hear it โ the static snap of the TV set coming to life.
Heโs here.
Iโd seen the man in the TV just once before in a dream: He had a simple room, just white walls with a small cot and a TV like the one in my basement. He was dressed in all white like a mental patient, with a grin so impossibly wide youโd swear his head would split in two. I either canโt remember or willfully forgot much of what he said to me but what was made clear was that I wouldnโt be getting sleep any time soon.
Suddenly, the basement is quiet, as if the whole house were holding its breath. As Iโm leaning against the door I can feel the wood flex inward like a vacuum had formed in the room. I set my stopwatch to countdown from 30 seconds and thatโs when I heard the TV man speak; it was a harsh, electric noise. The kind you could feel in your teeth. He only ever said one thing:
TาELฬขL Mอ E ฬWHY อYอOอ U'RE อ INฬต HาEREฬถ. Iา อกWAอNอกTอ อTฬกOอ KอNOอ W ฬงALฬจL ฬดABอขOUTอข ฬขYOฬทU.อ
If the guy in the chair got a scream out, I didnโt hear it. Couldnโt over the godawful racket that began in the room; sounded like a tornado fighting a stuck pig. I eyed my phone as the time ticked down, trying not to imagine the terrible whirling madness right behind me. Just when it seemed like the door frame would shake apart, it was over. I stayed still for a few more seconds until I could hear the TV power itself off. The room was just as Iโd left it, minus my captive. The only noticeable change was the faint smell of vanilla and a slight charring around the bindings.
Itโs quiet now, and in the meantime Iโll rest but I canโt live like this anymore. He wonโt let me sleep for too long before I have to go out again. Itโs getting colder out, maybe Iโll start a fire.
A great big one this timeโฆ
BBoyLoye ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:26:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I'm in high school and at my school, there's about 5 black kids. 2 of the kids, Daymian and Koby (like THE Kobe) are brothers and play on the basketball team. Anyway, there's another black guy at my school who looks like Koby (but doesn't know the real Koby or Daymian). One day it just so happened that Koby and his look-alike wore a similar red hoodie. During a passing period, Dayman walked up behind who he thought was his brother and said "What up, Koby?" to which the Koby look-alike turn around, clearly a little angry, and rubuttled "Oh hey, LEBRON!"
Max_Rivers ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:32:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TL:DR All black people look the same.
BBoyLoye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:58 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Haha this story certainly doesn't disprove the stereotype, does it?
petite_squirrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar, but mistook a guy for a girl, working as a cashier. He had a ponytail, looked female from the back giggidy "excuse me sir?" So embarassing!
Ten_Godzillas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh boy...
I was about 19 when I first started playing MMORPGs, and I didn't meet rainbow until I was about 20.
She was pretty new to the clan when we started talking, and of course everybody wanted to be friends with the girl and give her loot because neckbeards rarely encounter girls in the real world. Tons of dudes in our clan were super possessive about her
We would casually chat every once in a while, and became pretty good friends, and then entered pseudo-relationship territory. Of course everybody else in the clan knew about it, and typical passive-aggressive behavior was had. In an off-hand comment I mentioned the city I live in, and she said "You live in X, Texas? Holy shit, me too!" "Wanna meet up?" "Sounds good to me!"
So I give her my address and in about a week she shows up at my doorstep with a roller-suitcase and a computer. I thought it was kinda weird, but I wanted to hear her out before I turned her away (remember, lonely neckbeard with no experience with women). She told me that her parents had kicked her out of their house and she needed a place to stay for a while.
We were pretty good friends, and kinda had a thing going already so I decided to let her stay for a while and BOY were those first few days an experience. We smooshed and played WOW almost non-stop.
That didn't last for very long though...
Three days later I get a knock on the door. It was her dad. Apparently Rainbow had not been entirely honest with me. Instead of being 20 years old, she was actually 16 years old. And instead of being from X, Texas she was from Charleston, South Carolina.
I was floored. It broke my heart that I knew our relationship would end so soon. Her dad didn't blame me for anything and was a pretty nice guy. Rainbow finally came clean about everything and packed up her bags and computer.
Her dad gave us a little time to say goodbye while he loaded her stuff into the taxi when she turns to me and says something I will never forget... "Ten, I'm really sorry it's not going to work out. I know I've put you through a lot but I need to tell you something before I go." "What Is it?" "Can you spare about three fifty?" Well it was about then that I noticed that the girl I fell in love with was actually 500 feet tall and a monster from the paleolithic era. Well I was angry, I said, "god damn loch ness monster, I ain't giving you no tree fiddy!"
She turned to her dad, who gave her a nod, gave me a peck on the cheek, and left for good. I still see her on the server every once in a while but haven't been able to talk to her since
TLDR: Don't trust women who play MMORPGs
EDIT: Grammar
PoKoYo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:51 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That is the moral you got from this? What about don't give your online peeps your address to meet at. They could be psycho or weird.
BVSTED_Karma ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:40:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
10/10
Koeryn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have one that I would love to finish, but probably never will. It is the story of a free lance pilot hauling an unidentified cargo, being attacked, and eventually ending up with an AI sharing his wetware as they leave a reactor to over load and wipe out a small city to fake his death and keep scary people from hunting and killing him and recovering the scary AI that is partially installed in his brain.
CharlieExpress ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:34:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This, is the first time I ever went to a strip club. Now I'm not a prude, but I'd much rather go to a bar to hang out with friends than pretend to have girls be interested in me for a couple minutes simply to empty my wallet. My friend and I are standing there drinking a beer, and a table girl approaches us trying to make small talk. My friend explains that I have never been to a strip club before, and the stripper starts teasing me about it. "Oh that's cute, I remember back when I was a virgin", and I decide to respond with "Oh yes the fourth grade was a pretty tough year for you I bet" - complete silence from both my buddy and the stripper. I am expecting to be thrown out or slapped and have my first strip club visit end in about 5 minutes. Luckily she laughs and says that I'm clever. I am rather glad to have survived my visit, but suffice to say I won't be heading back anytime soon.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
BeatnikThespian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:24:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. That does not sound healthy at all for either of you.
MsFoxTrott ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:05:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TL;DR Quiet teacher's pet stands up against douchebag for weird kid in painting class. Goes better than expected.
I haven't told this story before because I still don't know if I did the right thing by intervening, but it made me feel pretty nice, so here goes.
My high school painting class last semester was terrible. The teacher was amazing--the sweetest, most patient old lady you can imagine, who gets super excited when brainstorming art projects--but there were a few people in the class that made it hell. Always talking over the teacher, running around the classroom, never doing their work... the teacher's one of the most patient people I know, but even she was irritated when they just wouldn't stop acting like five year olds.
One of these kids, J, (I can't remember his real name) a senior, would not stop teasing this junior, M (can't remember his name either). J's a stereotypical high school football jock, foul-mouthed, nasty, won't shut up, that sorta thing. He was the sort of ringleader of the immature kids. M was, from what I heard, the water boy for the football team. He was that awkward kid nobody liked who hit on the nicest girl with such misplaced confidence that you couldn't help but be sorry for them both. I swear he had some form of Asperger's, or something; he never stopped talking to anyone about cars, could never tell when people were messing with him, took every single word to heart.
J acted like a total ass to M the entire semester. I sat in front of M and beside J's normal spot and got to hear a lot of their 'conversations'. Other friends of J would pick on M. Apparently, back in junior high, M would tell on J to teachers when J was skipping class, in addition to the whole never shutting up about cars thing, so J decided that was good enough reason to tease him at every opportunity. It was the stupidest stuff J bothered him about, too; whether he had a date, if he had sex, why was he a Mormon, why did he believe this, etc. M replied with Bible quotes. (kinda dumb, but I admired his conviction to his faith) J claimed they were friends, right M, and M's totally alright with it, right?
It was about halfway through the semester that M honestly couldn't take it much longer. I looked back to see J bothering him, and M was genuinely close to tears. He was either going to run out of the room and cry or punch J and get himself in a ton of trouble. I don't know what happened, but I just stood up and went off on J.
Keep in mind I'm a gangly, 5'5" high school senior who hasn't said a word to anybody other than the teacher the entire year. As a girl in a comfy old jacket and cargo pants with the fluffiest, most unkept hair, I'm anything but intimidating, but I do speak loudly.
"What the hell, you ass, cut it out."
"What?"
"You're 18, aren't you? You're a high school senior and you're picking on him like a playground bully."
J looked around to his friends for support, but they were all just staring.
"How immature do you have to be to do that, seriously? Running around and wasting the teacher's time like a kindergartener? You're an adult, with adult responsibilities, quit picking on some kid. Shut up and actually fucking learn something."
My face was bright red when I turned around and went back to working on my painting. The teacher was a row of tables ahead of me, but occupied with another student, so she didn't notice. It was dead silent in my part of the room, before a couple classmates (the ones who actually work) started laughing. I didn't look up from my work for the rest of the day. I couldn't tell if they were laughing at me, J, M, or someone else, and I didn't want to find out, because I felt like I made a complete ass out of myself.
J barely came to class after that. When I saw him, he was trying to talk the teacher into giving him extra credit or ways to make up his F. He wouldn't look at me. Even this semester, he hasn't even acknowledged me. M was still his annoying, over talkative, sensitive, faithful self, but nobody picked on him any more.
A few days after, M came up to me and thanked me for standing up for him; J had been a douche to him for a long time. I told him no problem, and that sometimes, some people just need to be told off.
I felt pretty cool, telling off J, to be honest. I just haven't told anybody this story, besides my mom, since now.
rodmandirect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Props to you - that's a good story.
Setari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man I wish I had someone like that do that for me in high school. Good on 'ya.
crazyjakeallen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:16:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time, a late friend of mine jumped off a ride at Disneyworld and was kicked out for life. If there is interest I can tell the extended story.
rodmandirect ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:23:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My interest is piqued. What ride was it?
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, dish.
komocode ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:26:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Looking for all of the stories that are <5-10 sentences.
Yalnif ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:03:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I see when they've never told them.. It's cause they're all so bloody long!
RonnyDarKo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:44:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was eating at an outside food vender in New York City, and a guy came over and took some fries out of my basket and walked away. It was Bill Murray. As he was walking away, he told me no one would believe me. I didn't care. He was a childhood hero of mine growing up. And it was one of the coolest things to ever happen to me.
paulxombie1331 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:35:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
well I apparently i caused this huge commotion because I flatlined on everything, I have no moods im completely level.. they basically asked if I was a terrorist -_- 15 year old me in disney a terrorist.
SuperHappyMonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:45:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No one will see this, but it'll be good to get off my chest.
I have a mother who hates me and because of her my 3 siblings hate me too. They don't talk to me except to insult me or yell at me. They think I'm worthless and will never make it in life. Well, I ended up graduating early and had a job waiting for me right after. The job didn't pay enough for me to move out, but was a necessary stepping stone for my career. Recently I got offered a job out of state at one of the top 10 universities that will begin this winter. I am so excited because I've been working SO hard and it will pay me enough to finally, finally move out. Except...I can't tell them yet because I know they will do something to sabotage me like trying to kick me out early (my dad's been keeping things at bay the best he can). I just wish I could tell everyone already and see their faces because it'll prove them wrong. But sigh...I can't yet and have to take in all the insults they give me about me.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Is it just me or am I the only one evo read every post on this entire thread?
i_use_evernote ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's Mother's Day and my mom just got in a fight with me about not contributing enough to the family. I don't know how I feel right now.. I've been trying to prep for an internship this summer (I leave in four days) and she feels like I don't help clean the house and all I do is spend her money. Calls me out every 5 minutes for something wrong she thinks I do. Currently yelling at me for the apparently shitty yardwork I did yesterday. My life could be worse but this sucks.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:41:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shes freaking out about your internship would be my guess dawg
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:52:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 02:09:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:28:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously almost pissed myself after reading this.
redskin7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:15:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You should get your bladder checked out
JakeMeAway ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Set cripples on fire, call it hot wheels.
JKSpoonz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:42:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Penguin with Martini: Penguini.
Preponderancy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Mix a penguin with a mango, call it a pengo
ManofProto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Shitty Novelty is Shitty.
ragestar23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OP, you better be careful with that description...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
my teacher farted in front of me
badguyfedora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I went to Applebee's this one time a while ago and it was really, really good.
teflon12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
She literally left the hearing and went straight to school but yes
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Woa there buddy, we're both a long way from your OP.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
AmbienDreams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It seems to be password protected.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
MY CLIENT BROCK LESNAR CONQUERED THE STREAK!!!!!!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Iwrestledabearonce
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Once when I was young there was this balloon in my car, and it was the tightest shit. My mom opened the window to have some fresh air and the balloon went out the window. It was a horrible experience
Hatersgunnapotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking of names for my future children, and my parents and I were talking about girl names. I like the name Jolene, and her last name would be Zarate, since it's my last name. Then my mom said "her middle name should be Imelda!", which is my moms name. I thought about it for a second, and then I noticed the initials. JIZ. NOOOOPE.
pryoscience ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Growing up one year when I was in middle school, I had moved and was still making friends at my new school. I was pretty shy and usually ate lunch alone. One day, right before school started, someone came up and handed me a wrapped gift and said it was from my secret Santa. I had been watching all the other kids gossip about their secret Santa exchanges over the last couple of weeks, but hadn't been invited to participate by anyone. To this day, I still have no idea who the gift was actually from, but it meant the world to me at the time. If you're out there - Thank you!!
Nathanyal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my friend, Nick, were walking down the street and I heard someone coming up behind us so I turned to look and it was just some random guy so I turned back around and he said "Hey guys, how are you" and I turned and said "I'm fine" and Nick agreed. We asked how he was and he replied, "Hungover", and walked ahead of us and said "Don't drink. It's bad for you." laughed and just walked away.
fudgemental ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Can't... breathe... you're standing... on the tube...
thefluffyburrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About 15 years ago my mother, sister, and I survived driving through a tornado in just a small Geo Metro.
(Here's what one looks like:http://carphotos.cardomain.com/ride_images/2/4134/1101/22833050171_large.jpg?v=0)
Trees were falling, rain was pouring down, and to this day I don't know how my mom saw well enough to drive and how our car even stayed on the road. The entire time my sister and I were crying thinking that our dog Max that we had left in our backyard was dead.
We got to our house and there he was: just sitting there by the gate. He hadn't hid in the shed and wasn't panicking like he usually did during storms... Max had been waiting for us. We all get inside and thankfully no damage to our home was done, but there were a lot of downed trees and a local church suffered serious damage.
naice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have a story that kind of makes my life seem like a romantic comedy. It begins at lunchtime on a Friday. While a mate of mine and I are having lunch at a cafe, I mention to him how cute one of the waitresses is and how I should try to start a conversation with her but never would. Anyway! Later that night I finish work at a cocktail bar around 2am and in my city there's a bus called the nightrider which runs in the early hours of the morning, mostly to get drunk folks back home. So I catch the bus because I've had a few beers while I was working and as I'm walking down to my seat, to my disbelief, the waitress from the cafe is behind me. I spin round and say that I recognized her from the cafe where I was having lunch and that I was saying how cute she was to a friend of mine. She's flattered and when I take my seat she tells me to shove over so she can sit with me. We hit it off and when it's time to get off the bus, we realise we have the same stop and live just down the road from each other. We walk home together and as we're across the road from my house I decide to pull a bonnet slide across a parked car (blame the beers, and a stupid 19 year old me trying to impress a girl). After I come across the other side of the car and look back to what is undoubtedly going to be a very impressed young lady a big guy gets out of the car I had just slid across. The guy starts screaming at me and tells me to give him my wallet so he can see my ID and know who I am. After I refuse to give him my wallet and a bit of screaming he grabs me and start hitting me while holding the scruff of my shirt. I grab him back and sort of swing us both into a bush (literally a bush in my front yard). It splits us apart and both the girl I was with and a girl who has gotten out of his car tell us to split up and calm down. So at this point my girl walks me away from him and I tell her that this is my house, pointing to the place next to us. She immediately says "well you can't stay there tonight, come back to mine." We walk hastily away from the scene and get to her place for one hell, where this young dickhead got lucky. TL;DR Guy beats me up for sliding across his car - gets me laid.
peepjynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have tons... but I'm going to save them for chapters in my book. :D Mmm capitalism.
NettleFrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got a 2290 on my SAT!!!
yayoGAME ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 13, me and a bunch of friends went to play some videogames at a my next-door neighbors house. His mom was out grocery shopping and we had the house for ourselves, so we kinda made a mess. I remember we were playing the first Tony Hawk's Pro Skater for N64 with that blue cartridge. My next door neighboor was 2 years older than me, really tall for his age (about 6 feet) and albino.
So we were having fun playing Tony Hawk when the phone rings. It was his mom and she called just to check up on him and let him know she was on her way home. My albino neighbor freaks out because he knows his mom is gonna ground him for having friends over and on top a very big mess in the house. He starts screaming and demanding we pick up the mess. We look at him laugh and keep playing. He starts to rage and pulls out a big ass fucking knife from the kitchen. That is when all 4 of us shit ourselves in fear. We weren't so much scared that he had a knife, it was the fact that he had some thick glasses and couldn't see well so...he was a clumsy motherfucker.
We run around the house for a few seconds until one of my friends goes into the bathroom. I follow and so do my other two friends. We look at each other and are kinda laughing but you know, this kind of laughter that is "I don't want to die by the hands of a crazy tall albino" kinda laughter. He starts banging on the door screaming and telling us to open the door NOW. We hold up in there for about 5 minutes and then we hear him go upstairs to look for something else to terrorize us with, so we open the door and made a run for it. After we are outside, his mom pulls in and I breathe in a sigh of relief. I still look back at that day and think about how easily that could've turned bad.
Smackstainz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was about ehhh...12..
Went through some four wheeler trails with my dad, my friend and his dad(Tony and Zack) and my other friend(Ronnie). Zack and Ronnie were my age.
They only had 3 four wheelers so my friends dad drove the quad and my friend was passenger, my dad drove, I was passenger. Going through the trails fine and dandy
(really quickly I'll tell you both groups had a 450 sized four wheeler, they had a Yamaha, we had a Polaris, and Ronnie had some 90cc)
And there's a steep (not tall), steep hill. Which normally you think nothing of, weeelllll there was a small tree growing at the top of the hill, and it blended into the woods, we begin to climb the hill (not slowly either) and suddenly..my back is parrellel with the ground and we are rolling backwards..time slowed down 50%, (p.s. there are nice sharp rocks and gravel at the bottom of this hill.) then I notice I've just Been flung off the four wheeler like a toy by my dad, but he didn't check to see (not like he had the time to anyway) what was behind us....Ronnie. My back slams I to the front of his four wheeler (why did this hurt? His four wheeler had one of those reinforcement bars, and I had been falling almost enough for me to hit the ground.) I'm screaming. Shit does it hurt, I was scared I broke a vertebrae or something. Zach and Ronnie pull me to the top of the hill, Tony recovered my dad. Once I opened my eyes when I heard my dads voice I saw he had a huge scratch (not a gash but a scratch) from his forehead to his chin on the left side of his face, he did however have a half inch hole of skin missing from his forehead (at the top of his scratch) I'm shocked by his face for a few seconds. After that everything slowly calmed down. Never told mom for my dads sake ( we weren't wearing helmets) I just had to deal with a sore back for a month. And my dad had to go to my bros high school graduation with a big square band aid on his head and a scab down his face ( it was less of a scab and more of a red mark
Fb62 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My mothers's uncle had passed away a few months back, when she had a weird dream. Her uncle came to her in the dream telling her to call her aunt and tell her that he loves her. She wakes up the next morning and calls her aunt, starts talking, then finally tells her about the dream. She breaks down crying on the phone, and when my mom asks why, she asks if she knows what today is. Answering no her aunt replies, today is our anniversary.
matus2442 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was the summer before I was heading off to college and like any responsibly guy I had a summer job. I worked at a golf course 6 days a week at very early times. Like I said I was heading off to school that fall and was having as much fun as I could before I left some friends so we would usually do the typical things teenagers do. One morning, I believe it was Saturday, I was feeling less then eager to get to work from the night before's activities. I get ready and take my dogs out when I step off the back porch and a police officer in a flak jacket with a shotgun runs up to me from my driveway.
So I'm standing there, stunned holding two yorkies and realizing there is the whole swat team in my back yard and my cul de sac is like command central with their big RV. There was a hostage situation going on in the house behind ours. Our backyards met so they had to go through our yard for the best vantage point. There were guys posted up all over my yard aiming at the house.
Everyone was okay, the woman who lived there had a restraining order on her ex and he showed up late that night and showed an airsoft gun to the police when they came to take him away which started the whole thing.
The best parts of the story was everyone was okay, that I was late for work by about two hours, and that my dad had left only an hour or so before me and was stopped by the police and questioned but didn't think to call my mom which she did not like lol.
MorticianofFaith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've posted this before but here goes.
Okay. I've been set on fire around 7 times depending on how you count it.
I was in fourth or fifth grade and was at church camp. Every night we had a campfire and the last night of the week it was always in someplace different. This one was off in the woods and they decided to light the path with rolls of TP soaked in kerosene placed in metal coffee cans. People quickly realized that if you blow on the fire it would bow out around your breath. I, being a very smart child, took a massive breath and blew on the fire from directly over it. This cause the fire to rise up and cover my entire head. A friend thinking faster than I could grabbed my shirt and pulled out of the fire, probably saving my life.
I was in tenth grade English class and we had a free day. So me and all my friends move our desks together and start talking and what not. My friend Isaac gets up for some reason and I jokingly steal his seat. When he gets back he takes his (non working) lighter out of his pocket and sparks it towards me. This caught my hair on fire. To his credit I didn't realize that I was on fire. I just felt really warm and saw a small orange glow out of the corner of my left eye. Before I could turn to find out what that was he just starts smacking me upside the head. After about 2 minutes of this he finally stops and I just turn to him with the most WTF expression on my face. He just looks at me and says "You were on fire!" I just reach up and feel my hair where he was hitting me and it feels like burnt hair. Mu two friends with us are roaring with laughter at this point. I get up and ask to go to the bathroom so I can try to get the burnt hair out (my teacher did not know this). Right as I get out and close the door I hear some say "What's that burnt smell?". Everything after this is all secondhand information since I was not in the room. Apparently after someone smelled the burnt hair the teacher looks around and sees my two friends laughing there asses of and Isaac hiding his face. My friend Evan grabs his English book and starts reading it upside down to try to hide his laughter. The teacher asks what happened and they just point to him. She asks him and he walks to her desk and says as quietly as he can that he set me on fire. The teacher just exclaims super loudly "YOU SET HIM ON FIRE!". I get back to the room about 30 seconds after this and it is dead silent and everyone is just staring at me. The teacher runs over and asks if I'm okay and what happened. I look at my friend and ask if she knows. He just nods and I tell her that I'm okay and what happened. Afterwards I go to the nurse and they say I'm fine, they take my picture, he gets suspended for 3 days and she has a new rule in her classroom.
TL;DR friend caught me on fire in English, extinguished me before I realized and then got suspended for 3 days.
The rest are just my clothes getting caught on fire at random times and the time a burning ember fell in my hair and eye on the same night. Those are the best two.
T1NMAN67 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You guys should check out the moth.com
theorys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school the locker next to mine had the same combination. I remember putting my sandwich before class in there and going to go get it for lunch and being upset that someone broke into my locker and left a folder in there that clearly wasn't mine....something fell a little off and I tried opening up the locker right next to "my" locker and BOOM! There's my sandwich and my stuff.
I have no clue what the odds of that are....
Ausgezeichnetja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Girl of my dreams whom I love admitted mutual feelings for me last night. So you could say it was a good friday night.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a story on how I met your mother.
Flumpster2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I turned and the bus was gone! I had told the bus driver not to leave because I only wanted to step out and take a quick picture. Now I am left here with no supplies having no idea when, or if, the bus will come back. I begin walking into the forest in search of a water source that I could make shelter next to. As I walk I pick up branches, stones, and pinecones that I could use. I spot a clearing and a little pond just past the trees and begin to run towards it. As soon as I am about to get there, a bear jumps out from behind a tree. It lunges towards me and causes me to drop everything I am carrying. I dodge its attacks, it swipes and bites while I am jumping and maneuvering to avoid being hit. Out of the corner of my eye I spot a large rock and I make a break for it. The rock is about 100 feet away from me and I know I wont be able to outrun this bear for very long. Iโm closing in on the rock, but the bear is closing in on me, 50 feet, 30 feet, 10 feetโฆ. I lunge towards the rock and try to pull it out of the ground, but the bear is on top of me, scratching and biting my arms. I finally get the rock loose and hurl it at the bears head, right before it bites my neck. I have no idea how long I will be stuck out here alone so I prepared for the worst. My arms were wrapped in cloth from my shirt and I was now wearing the entire pelt of the bear I had just killed. If Iโm going to have to survive out here, I need to infiltrate the bears community. I need to look like a bear, walk like a bear, eat like a bear, sound like a bear, I need to BE a bear. I follow the tracks and soon find a population of bears living in caves and holes. The others walk towards me and sniff me. Iโm sweating like crazy, I don't think they believe that I am one of them. The other bears stop sniffing me and walk off like nothing, my plan worked. Now it is time for stage two, I need to work my way to the top of the community and become their leader. My life is now with these bears, I can not go back to what I once had. I am no longer human. As night time approaches one of the others walk over to me and nudge me into the direction of a cave that must be my den. The next morning I wake up to loud screams and growls, I rush outside to find a pack of humans attacking us. They have guns and are shooting us down, one by one. I rush into action, mauling every one of them, I have to protect my family. The aftermath of this battle is immense. The bodies of humans and bears both lying on the ground and there are only 10 of us remaining. Our leader is dead and the others nominate me to take his place, an honor that I would be happy to accept. Iโm walking through the forest, doing what I do every morning, looking for food and protecting the border of our territory when I hear a weird noise. Honking? I emerge from the forest to see a large bus with a man inside honking the horn. โHarrison, is that you? Come on Harrison, take off the bear costume and lets go, people are worried about you.โ I canโt believe this, he left me for dead and now he wants me to abandon my family. I stand up on two legs and scream โI AM BEAR!โ and before he could catch me, I run off into the forest to join my family.
ZeroDarkseventy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend wacked off and hit himself in the chin
ranchdepressing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The story of how I fell in love, achieved happiness and vastly improved my life. Sadly it hasn't happened yet.
thehouseofflattery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A couple of weeks ago I matched up with a girl on Tinder, we immediately bonded over our tastes in music and coincidentally were actually going to the same concert in a few weeks. We planned to meet up at the concert together and get acquainted with one another. The day of the concert came and I was actually going with some friends of mine who were coming to visit. These friends also had the inclination to make a batch of pot brownies for the show. So before the show we were all hanging out and I decided to have 2 brownies. We then went to the show and the girl I was supposed to meet up with said she was running a little late. The opener started and that's when I felt the brownies starting to hit me. At first it was a good high I was feeling but then after about 25 minutes I started feeling extremely paranoid and this is the time that the Tinder match text me that she was finally there and that I should meet her at the bar. So I went to the bar with my friend (who was also high as balls) and we went and introduced ourselves. I have no idea what I even said to her. I was so fucking high and paranoid that all I wanted to do was get back to my other friends and not even deal with this girl. So long story short I told the girl that I never wanted to see her again and we shouldn't talk anymore and then I went back to my friends.
DangerDonut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just found out that my dorm room has a secret hiding spot called "The Marauders Hiding Spot". Past residents add useful items to It for the next people to live there. Pretty cool if you ask me
eifos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once drove past a KFC on the way to work and two employees were chasing a live chicken around the car park.
AwkwardFuckingTurtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8 or 9 I was playing on the playground at recess. The bell rang and it was time to go in. As I was running through the grass I saw a kid trip over another kid who was on the ground. I thought, "Hey that looks like fun", so I tripped over the kid who had just been tripped over. As I fell I knocked the other kid, who had just managed to get up, to the ground. I arose before the other two and ran back to the school as if nothing happened.
(Will help if you don't understand. [7])
HeyItsTman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In west philadelphia
Bioniky11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ive got this one about green eggs and ham. ITS FUCKING AMAZING
Self_humiliation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a married man. My super hot friend stayed at our house a few weeks back and accidentally left her thong on the bathroom floor of our guest room. I consider myself a normal guy, not a creeper of any kind, and I lead a very stable life and am a respectable member of society. I walk among you. But when I saw this, I was overcome by it, and proceeded to sniff the shit out of this thong forever while masturbating profusely. Then just wound up wrapping it around my dick and doing the same thing a few hours later. I don't know what kind of help I need, but I fucking know I need something. This was the least normal behavior I've ever experienced.
baylithe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Now this is a story all about how my life got twist-turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell yah how I becam the Prince of a town called Bell Air.
In West Philadelphia, born and raised; on the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin out, maxin, relaxin all cool and all shootin some B-ball outside of the school.
When a couple of guys who were up to no good, started makin trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said you're movin with your Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air.
I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say: this cab is rare. Yo homes to Bel Air!
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later. I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.
On a side note, I was born in Philly and moved to California when I was 15 with my mom because reasons I still don't understand. And instead of Bel Air I am in the butt crack of California. For those who don't live here, it's not all a bunch of beaches and Hollywood stars.
MasterRonin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So i'm sitting in class, talking to my friend. This friend in particular is very successful with women. So I ask him how he does it and how I can get into "the game." He calls over this neckbeard in our class who is the definition of the word. My friend tells him "My buddy here would like to know how to get into the game. I know you know a lot."
And the guy says: "Which one, WoW or Starcraft?"
We both start cracking up.
He asks whats so funny and we just tell him to sit back down.
I feel terrible but god damn it was funny.
goodie2004 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was New Year's Eve eve in New Zealand, first night of a screw and spew type tour. We were at the local bar which had a very interesting bathroom situation, 'male', 'female' and 'bit of both'. Our main character is an Australian Lothario type who's locked his eye on another girl on the tour.
So we're all drinking and soon enough he goes off to the bathroom. Does his thing and then spots a machine by the door. Figuring he might get lucky later on, he reckons he should buy a condom for later. Put his money in the machine and a box came out. The box was slightly bigger than he expected, so he decided to open it up before heading out.
At which point the newly found love of his life entered the 'bit of both' bathroom which he was in and found him spilling a box of tampons all over the floor.
super6plx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
In 2005-2006 when I was in either year 7 or 8 (first years of 7-12 high school if americans have a different system) I did a net send command to send an Ok dialogue box to every computer on the network saying "there is a bomb in this computer." I did it from the crappy library lookup terminal in the middle of the whole two story palace of a library they had. Once I did that I left and nobody found out anything until I did it a second time.
I ended up being caught by one of the fat librarians and she said "STEP AWAY FROM THE TERMINAL" like some super cop. I explained it away by saying mid-tears "I was just saving funny text files to my school email account's folder I didn't know it would send it to everyone :((((" and they believed me.
Two whole days later they obviously spoke to their IT and called me inside again with the words "Okay, Bill Gates, it seems you know more than you're telling us. Come with me." I got a level 2 (sort of like a warning system, up to level 5 which was suspension) and it was my only infraction I ever got at any school.
I found it funny also that they said after it was over "What were you thinking? Do you realise that the principal got that message? What if it comes up again when he turns his computer on again tomorrow morning?" and I was just thinking the whole time "Well he won't, because it's a net send command and it DOESN'T WORK LIKE THATUATBYEKLTFGSIPK" but I couldn't really say anything in that position...
dr_zevon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not really an amazing story, but I was just thinking about it. A few years back I was managing a fast food place, when a horrendous storm came through. Everyone panicked calling their families, making sure they were all at home. Meanwhile every customer was stuck hiding in our tiny dining room, the kind surrounded by giant windows, because they were afraid to drive in the weather.
Storm gets worse, and eventually an employee tells me a tornado touched down nearby, we have to get to safety.
I had never been in a tornado, this was new to me, but I knew windows were not safe to be around.
Unsure of how to protect both staff and customers, I just disregarded all policies and said let's get everyone as safe as possible.
I cut the cooling system to both the walk in freezer and cooler, and myself and a cook escorted every customer and staff member to them.
We made sure they were safe and comfortable (those things are damn near safes) and I told Quincy, the cook to join them, I had to take care of the insane customers forming a line in my drive through.
He flat out refuses. He insisted on manning the kitchen and helping bag, knowing full well we had plenty of windows in that area as well.
We got everything out, not a single unhappy customer, I warned as many as possible to get home or find shelter immediately. Eventually one of them informed me it was a false alarm.
I had risked my job for nothing.
But nothing was stolen, all the customers were extremely grateful, and thankfully no one ever checked our cameras.
Oh, and we closed early because the storm continued to be that insane, so no business.
Happy ending all around. I do miss Quincy though. Had to let him go when he attempted to have a carhops jumped over a chicken sandwich. Strange man.
Airysprite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was on an Oprah's favorite things show and got all the swag.
Malvarik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So this happened to me a long time ago back in Y-Guides (basically boy scouts but way more awesome). We would do an annual trip to this place in the mountains where we would stay in the cabins there. After about a day or so there would be a raffle where there was a ton of prizes. I was just sitting there and i had my penny and i was dropping it on the table and repeatedly. Finally i dropped it on the table and it landed right side up perfectly still. As i went to tell my dad they announced i was a winner of the 50 dollar raffle.
This was also the same place where we did archery and i almost got an arrow through my neck because some kid accidentally let his arrow loose too early.
billy_the_adolescent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
my parents think I've never dated before, so...
I was waiting for my mom to pick me up from school one day and started texting my friend. I asked if he was still at school. he said yes, so we met up near the front of the school. he said a mutual friend told him I liked him, which was true. he asked if it was true. we both admitted to having a thing for each other, but I said I can't have a boyfriend because I'm awkward and hate physical contact. he said he was too, so we decided to date. he later extended his arms for a hug and I said " WHAT ARE YOU DOING?".
TL;DR: I got a boyfriend. we're awkward people.
taintsauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So, right after I graduated high school, I was over at a buddy's place. It was just me, my bud, and his girlfriend. We were pretty much just chilling out, watching a movie. Normal stuff, really.
I'm in his papasan chair with my soda and some popcorn when I hear some scuffling on his bed (where he and his lady were chilling). I look over and she's straddling him, tits out, getting ready to get their bone on.
I'm incredulous. I mean, I'm sitting right there, they could've waited til after I left. Jokingly, I say "Hey guys, if you're gonna be doing that with me here, the least you could do is invite me."
She looks at him, he looks at her, she looks at me. She shrugs, and says "OK. But I want to be blindfolded."
He looks at me. That look will forever haunt me. There was a slight shrug, and a look of "Eh. Alright. You down?"
I'm even more incredulous. Is this really even happening? Why am I staring at your girlfriends breasts right now? None of this is making a lick of sense to my adolescent mind.
I, to the surprise of many, am not down. I take one last sip of my soda, get up, and nope right the fuck out of there.
I still hang out with the dude a couple nights a week, and we haven't talked about it much since the event. Definitely a top contender for most bizarre moment in my life.
drtisk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure I'm not the only one scrolling to the bottom of every story to check for tree fiddy
whirlpool138 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a car catch on fire and explode outside of my apartment's back alleyway one night. This is in ghetto downtown Niagara Falls, NY. My room mate was out of town so I was sitting there alone, watching tv when I heard some one laying on a car horn. After maybe two minutes of putting up with it, I finally got up to go check what was going on (thinking it was a car break in or accident). When I finally got to the back window and looked out, it was like "HOLY SHIT THE NEIGHBOR'S CAR IS ON FIRE". I immediately called 911 to report it, when the operator came on she said that several other neighbor's had already called in and the police/fight fighters are on there way.
I was still on the phone with the operator when the flames really started to pick up and next thing you know it exploded into a huge fire ball like something out of a movie. It was surreal and totally unexpected. A few minutes later the fire department showed up and started to put the fire out, by this time it had spread to another neighbor's garage. The rest of the night I sat upstairs in my apartment and watch the police and fire department's crime scene investigation go over the whole area. They ended up finding out that it was an arson case, the neighbor's daughter had just gotten a new (used) car and someone torched it to get back at her for whatever reason.
The best part was one my room mate came home a few days later, what was left of the garage and the ground were all scorched up, so I got to rub it in his face that he missed it.
michaelh33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was 16. A few friends and I were kickin it at a park when the sprinklers turned on. "let's kick sprinkler heads" they said. "I've never done that. How do you do it?" Kick it like a football they said.. I turned from white to black. I looked like a really tall Ethiopian kid. I had mud in my eyes ears and nose.. FYI Don't kick sprinklers like a football
5pvce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I found a macbook, psp, and a bunch of drugs in a backpack after a long depressing life evaluating walk. It was a good summer.
Jdericson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A girl on my bus (she is also my next door neighbor) was telling this story a few weeks back. Her dad is freaked out by centipedes, and it just so happens that one time he went to the bathroom and there was a centipede on the toilet and he sat on it. That freaked him out. Supposedly, about a week or so after wards, she was taking a shower with one of her bird, because that's normal, and one of the bird's feather get stuck in the shower. Well, her dad wears glasses and has poor vision without them, so he didn't see the bird feather, and freaks out because he thinks it's another centipede.
TL;DR, Girl showers with bird, dad thinks feather is a centipede
Ihavepills ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favourite story ever! I love bird. Centipede.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lordcrunchyfrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Bobby's fucked!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd tell you, but you'd have to kill me.
dalineverwokeup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright. I want to talk about the time a hobo stole my sandwich and I chased him to give him my drink that went along with it.
Work was boring so I took a break and walked to the convenience store near our building. I made a sandwich this morning and I wanted some soda to go along with it. When I stepped outside (holding my sandwich in one hand and soda in the other), there was this hobo guy in front of me asking for change. He said that it was toll fee for passing through the door (apparently, he was opening doors for people in exchange for money). I looked at him and thought nothing of it, so I put my soda on the ground to bring out my wallet. Right as I was bending down, he yanked my sandwich out of my hands and ran away. I grabbed my soda and followed him into the small parking space of this empty store nearby where he was crouched down, stuffing his face. I yelled out "hey!" and he looked up and saw me. The guy looked scared a bit but made this nasty leering smile.
I suffer from clinical depression and that time I was dealing with a particularly rough day. At that moment, I felt really numb. I was so tired and felt so old. I didn't give a shit about anything anymore. So I put my soda down in front of him, said "here you go" and walked out of there. I left work early, went home and then took a really long nap.
I've seen the hobo guy only once ever since, but I think he didn't recognize me because I changed my hair color and gained weight.
KazoSakamari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooh....I've wanted to tell this for ages but never got a chance!
So, it was a few years ago, me and my then boyfriend we're having some fun together in the backseat of my car. We're were a bit limited on options of where we could do this kind of thing because both of our parents we home normally so we settled on an empty church parking lot. So I'm parked in the far back corner, as far away from street lights and the church as I can be and we're getting to the good stuff, steaming up the car windows and everything. My ex-boyfriend is behind me and I've got a decent view out the window, though it's a bit foggy when I see something move. At first I dismissed it, like of probably a stray cat of something, but then lights turn on and I realize that it's a car. A fucking car. Parked a few spots over in the shadows of the trees. So I'm freaking out. Like, we're fucking in my car and there's people, right there, outside the window, we should stop. We should stop and get as far away from here as we can, but my ex-boyfriend wasn't going for it. He kept saying that if they hadn't noticed us by now them we were fine, we'd just keep doing what we were doing and eventually they'd leave. I wasn't really keen on this but figured what the fuck, why not? So everything is going fine, great, but I'm still keeping on eye on the window, just in case, when I see the doors of the car open and three guys get out. The whole..."oh shit" feeling comes up again before I realize that they all in tuxedos which was weird. Then two of the guys start arguing, screaming their heads off at each other, shoving back and forth, the third guy just watching them. Eventually they start throwing punches and one guys knocks the other out, then he and the third guy pick him up and drag him into the back seat of the car, turn the engine on and drive away. At this point my boyfriend has just kinda stopped and is starting in awe outside the window. We're both thinking "what the fuck just happened?" but still glad that the other car is gone and we have the parking lot to ourselves. Then, out of fucking nowhere more lights come on and like...three or four cars pull out from behind the church and race out of the parking lot following the other car. It was one of the oddest things that has ever happened to me.
8bitesq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've never really had a chance to tell this story and its still probably one of the most memorable moments in my life. I guess I can't say it's a good one really but it gives me a lot of faith in people.
Back in 2008 I was studying abroad in Seoul, Korea and attending Yonsei as part of a study abroad program. Every year Yonsei University and Korea University have this series of intercollegiate sports competitions called Yon Ko Jeon.
As part of the Mentor Club for international students, our Korean counterparts decided to shepherd all of us over to the stadium to watch some of the games. We went down into the subway station by the school and joined a pack of thousands of students. When the train stopped it was hard to really let people out before the students tried to get on. Some how I was at the front of our line right by the door, as people were trying to get out, students were trying to surge forward and I got caught up in it.
To this day I have no idea how I managed to do it or how I managed to fit but I some how found myself pushed into the gap between the subway car and the platform. I've never been as close to dying as I was then since. At the time, it wasn't really terrifying. Some rational part of my mind just accepted it. Honestly, the only things I really remember are being wedged in there, feeling something on my leg under the platform where I couldn't see it, and thinking for one second: "Maybe I could survive this" and then instantly accepted in the next that I was going to die.
The next thing I remember is being pulled out of the gap by my backpack by this 6'8" Texan in our group. If he had hesitated at all before pulling me out that probably would have been it. He didn't panic. When everyone had moved out of the way he reached down, pulled me up, and then shoved me on the train.
It all passed pretty quickly after that. We were on the train and we got to the game. I don't really remember much about the game but I have pictures and shit that show I was there and singing along and whatever. I do remember some old Korean ladies making me sit down in the section usually reserved for the elderly and handicapped. I remember this because I initially said now, then remembered you don't argue with your elders.
It didn't really hit me until that night after I had accidentally drank a ridiculous amount of soju and passed out on my kitchen floor holding a jar of grape jelly (my dad was coincidentally stationed at Yongson while I was there so he kept our fridge stocked) just how close I had come to almost dying. And it's stayed with me ever since. We joked about it and no one ever took it seriously the whole time I was there. Most people just forgot about it, I think. But there's some nights where I just have nightmares about being trapped in confined spaces. And then there's other nights that I wonder how the hell I was that composed and logical that I could accept that I was going to die that quickly.
The whole incident still scares me sometimes.
Mostly, though, I just don't think that guy knows how much it meant to me that he actually pulled me out of there. Most people I don't think get a second lease on life and there are times when I'm doing stuff that I just think back to that moment and think I couldn't have ever done any of this if he hadn't done what he did.
So, while he might not know how much that meant, now you do Reddit.
flynmid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried but here goes.
I used to lifeguard at a local neighborhood pool. Is been on the job a while and it was late in the season so there were only a few patrons and one other guard. So I decided to swim some while I wasn't on the stand. I was swimming laps and thought I'd try to see how far I could swim under water (see where this is going?). So I do it a couple times and I can get to the other end plus maybe a quarter of the way back in a 50 meter pool. I decide to try it again, but this time I'm determined. I get to the other end, then I pass the halfway point coming back.
The next thing I remember is hearing voices. I can hear them, but I don't have the energy to respond, I feel so exhausted I can't even open my eyes. Slowly I start realizing I'm strapped down. Turns out some of the people at the pool were off duty firemen. They had a truck with oxygen and everything. At this point I hear the ambulance arrive. Still too tired to move but I'm looking around and responding. I'm loaded into the ambulance and carried to the hospital. I'm feeling better but I can't catch my breath. The chlorine has inhibited my lungs ability to absorb oxygen and it is getting worse. I'm put on a forced breathing machine, and then the decision is made that I needed to be put on a ventilator.
This was the most terrifying part. I was put under, but not very far. I began waking up as they were sticking the tube down my throat. I was under the gas so it felt like a nightmare. I remember them telling me to cam down but it just wasn't registering. I was terrified and trying to move to get away but I had been strapped down. People were holding me down and simultaneously pushing a tube down my throat. It was like one of those nightmares where you're being chased or stabbed and your legs stop working, except this was real. I woke up intermittently throughout the next day still on the ventilator. After 24 hours I was taken off of it and signed out straight from ICU three days later. I still get nervous talking about waking up during the procedure, but a near death experience like drowning will give you some perspective. I don't recommend it though.
TLDR: blacked out underwater, tube down throat.
nandgsmom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One Christmas, I took my then, 5 year old twins to a Homeless shelter to help pass out dinner. It is a rough area in Calgary and the people are often drunk and high and this can be scary to little kids. We did our volunteer time and my little ones were awesome. The shelter is downtown under a bridge and by the time we had finished it was snowy and dark. So here I go back to my car, parked a far distance, with my kids out into the night under a bridge with very little lighting. In the distance a clearly inebriated homeless gentleman was making his way straight for us. We moved a little to the left and he moved a little to the left. I was trying to keep my children safe but at the same time not teach them to be fearful or unkind. I pulled them close in to me as the man weaved his way towards us. My children saw him coming and looked at up at me with little snowflakes on their eyelashes oblivious to my concern. I had no money to give him and hoped that he would just go on his way and leave us alone. He stopped directly in front of us....Maam he said...yes....here take the gloves they are for your children I saw way back there that they had none....he handed me the gloves and walked under the bridge into the night.
Jarracco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That I have secretly had sex with every co-worker without anyone telling each other about it.
dubis98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate went to go visit his girlfriend thus weekend. Another one of my friends came to visit. Last night instead of buying our own beer we drank his. We then refilled the bottles with old flat coke and recapped them. We don't know which ones are which. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he takes that first sip.
_emordnilaP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Last august my buddy and I (both male) were hanging out at night doing nothing. It was one of those nights that it just felt so good to not wear a shirt, so neither of us had one on. It was 10 or so and we decided to go to an empty town park that had a bay and take a dip to cool down. Not having a bathing suit we just went in our boxers. So we get out of the water and go to a weeping willow and smoke a few bowls, nothing crazy. About an hour later public safety comes to the park to lock the gates, we see him pull up so we walk out from under the tree to leave. My friend walks out from the tree, but I had to gather up the bowl and pot and lighter and my cigarettes so I walked out a few seconds after him. Halfway to the car we both realize what this public safety got just witnessed. He didn't see two 20 something year olds walking our from a willow tree. What he saw was a 20 something year old guy walk out from under a willow tree in only boxers, then 10 seconds later another 20 something year old guy walk out from under the same tree only in boxers as well. As we drive out we drive past him and see the look of pure confusion on his face. It cracks me up everything to think that this guy genuinely believes he saw two men have homosexual relations in a public park at midnight.
crazytiger94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Probably too late but, when I was seven years old, I liked climbing trees. One day, I figured out how to get into a sizeable pecan tree in our backyard. In it, I found a large branch that I could climb out a good way. I start working my way up and out the branch. At some point, my friend's dad tells me I should be careful and not climb too high, but fuck that. They soon left. So, he wasn't there when I had the great idea to crawl over to a smallish, nearby pine branch. The branch was, in retrospect, pretty sketch, but strong enough to hold me at the time. I made the transfer safely but as I let go of the original branch, I watched in horror as the limb, free of my weight, returned to its natural position--well out of my reach. I couldn't get back to the pecan tree. So I looked down in the pine tree. It was the bottom branch, but that didn't change the fact I was 30ft up. There wasn't any other trees close enough for me to reach and there was no way I was going anywhere. I yell at one of my sister, and soon my mom emerges to see my predicament. We don't have any ladders tall enough. My dad and older brother aren't home (this was before cell phones). Eventually, she decides she needs to call the fire department, who come with a 100+ft ladder truck. In trying to figure out how to get into our backyard, they circle the neighborhood twice, drawing significant attention to my plight. At the end of the day, they backed into our yard. I got out of the tree safely after 2 hrs off the ground. One of the fireman noted that it was the first time he had rescued anything other than a cat from a tree.
TL;DR: At 7, I got stuck in 30ft up in a tree and the fire department had to come rescue me.
Sir_George ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I went to get 4 stitches and a small piece of glass removed from my hand when I was washing a glass and it broke, I had to get X-rays done of my hand. Seeing as how I never had X-rays done, I thought it would be really cool to get a copy of them to show friends, so I asked the radiologist for a copy and he came out laughing saying it would cost me $200 for these copies. I was like really?! Then he said, "Nope, just kidding!"
3 weeks later when the bill arrived in the mail, I shit you not, listed under all the procedures, was "X-Ray Copies (1) - $200". Wtf....
In case anyone is wondering the whole procedure cost over $2500 after insurance paid.
Proof
That bright area in between my index finger and middle finger is the shard of glass.
Ihavepills ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Can we get some TLDR's up in here for the lazy peeps thanks!
Edit: Best TL;DR you will ever read. Trust me.
DingedUpDiveHelmet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A fight between a monkey and a lizard. I was visiting the Puerto Princessa underground river park in the Philippines over my summer break. My family and I sat down to eat lunch at this small picnic area. There were monkeys and 1.5 meter long monitor lizards just wandering around the place. My mother sat a bag of walnuts on the table and just as we were about to start eating, one of the larger monkeys starts jumping on the largest lizard getting it good and mad. As we were all watching this, a scrawny little shit jumps on the table and runs off with the .5 pound bag of nuts. This immediately ends the fight and the dynamic duo climbed up the tree. So I guess we got a show and we paid for it.
pokergarcon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back when Soviet Union collapsed, Estonia suddenly had a chance to buy stuff from the western world. My mom used to work at the biggest mall in Estonia and one time when they ordered some fancy, shiny, really good looking shoes from Germany, back when Estonia was under USSR's red wing, some of the people who had the chance to travel, very few, brought some stuff back from those fancy, ideal looking countries and sold them 10x or even more than it's value and people paid their 6 month salary for a pair of nike sweat pants or shoes, just because it was foreign. After a week people started to return those shoes, because apparently they wore off really fast. Once too many people had returned them, someone in charge contacted the German company and told them the product you sent us was shit and they would like an explanation. They explained that they wore off really fast and they were clearly not made for walking. The German company sent a simple letter saying "Were we come from, dead people do not walk". People who had ordered them at first apparently did not speak german and saw some nice shoes and bought a bulk of them.
Another one told by my mom's friend: So when Estonia was freed, people who could, started to travel to western countries. One middle aged lady went to London, but because most of the schools under the red power did not teach english, she had never learned it. She was at one of the malls, or some shop, in London and saw a really good anti-wrinkle cream there, so she bought it. She started to use it and it worked magic. She was wrinkle free in a couple of days and she thanked the god for it, so she kept using it. After a week of using it, her skin started to die, but because it could not have been the miracle worked who caused it, she kept using it. Couple more days and her skin really started to peel off and something was definitely really wrong, so she went to a doctor. After someone else read the labels on the "super cream's" bottle, they discovered that it was make up for dead people. It apparently removes the wrinkles like magic, but also fastens the decomposing of the skin. If I'm not mistaken she had some permanent damage, but nothing too sever.
There are punch of soviet/post soviet era stories from Estonia, which sound really fucking bizarre.
burgerbob22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I sang and voiced over a McDonald's commercial for Brazil.
A pianist at my music college just randomly asked a friend and I to read lines and sing over this commercial. It was all in English for... something?
It was pretty hilarious. I am a pretty good singer but I am a trombonist, not a studio voiceover artist.
sam56789hi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was young, like 10 years old. I was alone at home, in my basement on my computer with my headphones on, although nothing was playing at the moment. When I heard the door open upstairs and hear someone say "Is anybody home?", I first I thought it was my dad when I realized that my dad does not sound like that. I was freaking out then, and I heard the person's footsteps coming to my basement door, then I just saw his boots coming down the stairs, when I just turned around I started scrolling on my computer acting like I was doing something and that I didn't hear him because my headphones were on, and I just hear the footsteps keep on going until I guess he saw me, and the footsteps stopped. Then, there was a pause and he started running up the stairs then across the hallway and out the door. I was shocked that he didn't do anything and just left, probably cause he freaked out that someone else was here and bolted, even though it was just a kid.
GalacticFed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I first came to your planet you humans were still throwing rocks at each other and damn did you stink like shit but I find the human females amazingly lovely. This was before galactic law forbid interacting with primitives without a disguise and a cellular shield but I had my way with a lot of elegant human females and I've never found such a wonderful experience since. I stay on this planet to sell your entertainment media to the galaxy but I yearn for the real touch of that lovely hairy female again. I have followed her lineage, several of her descendants have done amazing things and one is an amazingly beautiful actress that shares her facial expressions to the tee: Ann Margaret. I wish you damn humans would hurry up and join the galaxy.
AbstractBug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Context: I've been looking to become a freelance editor, applying with various publishing companies.
The scene: My local comic book store.
The story: I stopped in to pick up my pull list from my comic book guy, who I always chat with for usually 10 minutes or so, but there have been times when we've chatted for nearly 45 minutes. So I check out and he starts telling me about this new project that he and some local artists and writers are working on, in collaboration with some comic stores from nearby towns. Turns out the guy sort of organizing the whole thing is in the store too, so he joins the conversation. They're telling me about the books they're going to be publishing and the little preview "ashcan" that they have is free. So this all sounds super cool, local talent getting a chance to be published. And I ask, "Do you need help with editing?" And their eyes light up! Yes, they need help with editing, please come to the meeting tomorrow. I was not able to make it to the meeting (would have been today) but I did email this organizing fellow. Waiting to hear back and hopefully get started.
Summary: I'm excited to have an opportunity to edit comics.
asiriphong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This took place during my middle school years. I once got hit by a car while on the way to school in the morning. My dad is very strict and not very empathetic. Plus we were kind of on the poor side. After getting knocked off of my bike and onto the road, I just got up, grabbed my bike and made sure it was still ride-able. Then just went on my way to school. The guy that hit me just kept asking if I was okay. But all I ever told him was that I was going to be late to school, and that I'd be in trouble if anything like that happened. Sooo yea. I don't think I've ever really shared that story with anyone. Just a sad moment. Hell, I have a ton of sad moments. Blahhh
athenasbranch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Something similar happened to me when I was a teen. I was driving in heavy traffic on a city road, and as traffic crawled in front of me, I stayed stopped for a few seconds in order to let someone make a left turn out of a parking lot. The guy in the SUV behind me apparently decided that I shouldn't be nice to people, so he rear-ended me after we had both been at a complete stop. I pulled over to assess the damage, and exchange info, but he just moved on. When I went home, my mom knew something wasn't right, so she asked me what the matter was. When I told her what happened, she actually started to get mad at me for getting into an accident, until I brought the fact that I had done nothing wrong to her attention. I remember staring at the Lucky Charms that I had fixed, floating in the milk after that, with a queasy stomach.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
don't want to die, so not tellin'
super__nova ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Guys, shorter histories please. Came to this thread looking for quick fun
BestRbx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A story of my father. The old man has a zillion of them he used to tell us before bed...good times.
He was born and raised white boy in Lafayette, Louisiana. He has a strong reserved catholic mother, his father was a radio DJ and a Vietnam vet, he had the whole 9 yards. When he was 17, he got in a tiff with his mother over bringing his newfound garageband "trash" into her house and coming home at inane hours of the night, and he called her a bitch. My mom put a big purple hand-shaped bruise on his cheek and told him to move out.
So he graduates high school a few weeks later, and he grabs his garageband buddies, and they pile into his lovely rust-red pickup, and they move out. They moved far.
They drove to California. Now this is the early 80s, when greasers and switchblades are still a thing. Great time to be a dumbass with long curly brown hair.
So they arrive in California after a four day road-trip, ad it being 9-10 at night they decide to just spend another night in the truck before finding some digs.
"Hey....Let's go to the beach", his best man john said.
Now John....oh john, we've all got a John in our life. That reckless, dangerous, fun as hell dumbass that gets you arrested for the first time and leaves you with some of your finest memories. I've got plenty of dad stories, and half of them involve john.
So john suggest they pack it to the beach in the middle of the night to experience the Southern California Long Beach coast for the first time. They get there, park on the pier, and all is good and fine. They crack open a few illicitly owned beers and bask in their newfound freedom, dreaming of their future as rockstars in the heart of LA.
When there's a knock on the window. My dad looks up, and john asks "whodahellissat?" Standing next to the car is a big burly black haired man with two more and a replica of Earl Campbell plus a few muscles standing behind him.
"You new around here brother? Cus this is our turf"
And my dad happily throws back, "Yeah, this is our first night in california. :D"
Well that annoyed the cap'n, because his response went along the lines of "Well the pier is our land, along with half the rest of the coast. So unless you want a knife in all yous gullets, you better get the hell out of here."
So my father starts the engine, apologizes profusely, and gets ready to book it. Well john's pretty pissed. He wants the beach. he wants all the beeches. And he's not happy that these guys came to take them away. So not quite fully drunk but halfway there, he stands up out of the sun-roof as my father begins to pull away.
And he yells back at them "YO MAMA. HEHEHEEHEE"
My father, still trying to turn his manual shit-shift truck around, goes into a cold-sweated panic.
And, well, that's the story of how my father and his band got beaten within an inch of their lives on their first night in california. They woke up in the hospital courteousy of a few kind officers the next morning.
ionised ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The novel I've been writing for nearly ten years, now. It's nearly done and ready to be shipped off, but reality's hell-bent on spoiling some major plot elements. Already, my setting for the high-tension middle chapters has been spoilt by the Crimean situation actually happening in real life (and this is the big one). While it really doesn't spoil any of the 'core' plot elements, timing and everything considered, it deadens the impact of the lead-up to it since it's already news.
It's a pretty big novel, but just right now, slaving away on my final edits, the unfortunate fact that the situation in the Crimea actually played out in real life seems to have shot my motivation in the kneecap.
Ah well. Nothing to be done but press on.
DroopysNumberOneFan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
OOOOOOH GURL lemme tell yall a STORY. So Shanaynay and I wuz walkin down the lane when deez two tall ass mofos came all STRUTTIN up ta us and they said, (lip smack) "dayum you bitches is fine!" An I wuz like "OH NO YOU DID NOT" and snapped mah fingas in a z, for, may, tion! And we done walk away on back home.
Extreme-Enigma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
We were driving home from Church. A late Tuesday night. Me, Alan, Brad, Carl (ABC, so it'll be easier to follow) I just met Alan, he's the driver. As he's driving us home, he informs us that he was terribly sorry to bring us into this. He didn't realize it was this late, and he had to make a stop. He then told us that he was selling Heroin to the locals, this was a rather large stop. About 10 people (I'm a sheltered 17 year old, and I've never even seen what pot looks like)
He makes a sharp turn into an empty dirt lot surrounded by trees and darkness. He demands that we all leave all electronics in the car, and Brad and Carl need to go stand watch in the trees to the left of us. Carl is crying begging for Alan to bring us home, Brad is keeping his cool. Alan grabs me by the collar and to the trunk of his car.
"EXTREME-ENIGMA!!! ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU CALM"
"I mean... I suppose so... what does that mean, what are you doing?!?!"
Alan pops the trunk and I see a gun. A rifle.
He hands me the gun and tells me to use it in case anything goes down, that I should hide in on the outskirts of the grass, just out of sight.
I start panicking, and lay the gun near Carl, and begin sprinting. Far enough where they can't find me, but close enough where I can tell if my friends are dead or not. In the dead quiet I hear, "WHERE THE FUCK IS EXTREME-ENIGMA?!?!"
I don't make a move.
Brad's whimpers carry throughout the forest and I hear "OH SHIT" and then a light pop, followed by the sound of 3 chuckles.
It was all a prank, the gun; a pellet rifle. I haven't talked to Alan since.
TL;DR: I think my friend is stopping to make a Heroin deal, he hands me a gun, we all flip out, turns out it's a prank.
best_account4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
dickbutt
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I missed my bus home today, so my girlfriend got stuck with me for a little whole longer and wound up taking me to pick her sister up from a friends. Her sister thought I was an hour and a half away, so we saw the perfect opportunity to fuck with her.
Before we pulled up to get her, I climbed into the trunk of the car. My girlfriend has one of those two door cars where the back seats fold down to open up into the trunk, so I just squirmed into the back and got comfortable. They were driving for about fifteen minutes when I threw open the seat and started screaming. Her sister basically pissed her pants and proceeded to yell, "WHAT THE HELL" for five minutes straight while hyperventilating.
All in all 10/10 would do again. Trunks are more comfortable than CSI would lead you to believe.
ekaterinaalexandrov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking from dinner to a pub just down the street and a homeless man on a bicycle comes out of nowhere and rides by us (I think 'swerved by' is more appropriate) and he yelled out "DOES ANYONE WANT XANEX MASHED POTATOES?!" and kept riding off. I could hear him still yelling about how they were garlic.
Faggot_face12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Literally just happened to me about an hour ago, I'm grounded (17yo) and expecting to go the entire weekend not seeing my gf. I ask to go to the store quickly to get a snack and am allowed to, I text my girlfriend, her and her friend pick me up, they are both extremely horny, I get a hj while they make our, her friend hops out for a smoke and then I fuck my gf and go straight home. Today was a good day.
Byllistic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The time me and my friend got held hostage in a Chinese buffet
Izze-bizzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't usually post stuff like this because there are people I know that know my reddit username, but they can deal with it.
So my boyfriend was seconds from going down on me, and he was in a silly mood that contrasted very sharply with the sexy mood desired for sexy things but who cares - getting oral. He goes, "Izze-bizzle, how many licks does it take to get to yummy center of your pussy? Let's find out! One! lick Two! lick Three!" and, expecting another lick, I adjusted myself slightly, but no. He made a biting motion that would have been harmless had I stayed still, but I moved, practically shoving myself in his face, and he bit me. And it hurt. A lot. It wasn't a hard bite, but it was that area, and yeah. But I was laughing so hard that it wasn't a big deal, but he was just apologizing and apologizing. It still makes me laugh to think about. I can't really tell anyone because no one cares about the funny parts of peoples' sex lives.
TL;DR Boyfriend pretends to be the owl from the tootsie pop commercials, accidentally bites my vagina.
virginiaslime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Guy Fieri asked me "do you know who I am?!" with no irony and...it was dark, so no. I didn't recognize him and I said so. He was not happy, but in my defense he was being a dick, and there are a lot of overweight spiky bleach blond bros who wear bowling shirts. In the dark he just looked like he was from ASU.
AThrowawayAsshole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I was in court for the first time ever, over a DUI. I'm sitting in the back watching people go up to the judge, plead, and get sentenced right there "60 days" BOOM! "30 Days" BOOM!. It goes on for two hours, with not one single person getting less than 30 days. Then I go up and say "I'm willing to accept responsibility for what I did, but I caused no accidents and was not driving recklessly. I cannot go to jail since I am the sole worker in my family" The judge sentences me to 40 hours community service and six months unsupervised probation, plus a course to complete before my license is reinstated. As soon as he finishes my sentence, this guy jumps up and starts yelling "I got a year in jail and this guy gets no jail time? FUCK THIS GUY! FUCK THIS GUY!" over and over. The guards take him down to the cells where he sets off the whole cellblock down there. It was insane.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We were doing morning drills today, some simple warm ups to get the men and women ready to focus and put everything they had into the day ahead. I asked them to line up and do a simple obstacle course, expecting that it wouldn't pose a problem. And I was right. As each potential officer exited the course I asked them why they wanted to be a police officer.
Jim Booth is a model recruit in many ways. Disciplined, smart, if perhaps a little cocky. So I was surprised when he simply smiled, brushed his sandy blonde hair out of his eyes, and said "I want to PvP, sir".
"What?". I was stunned. Surely I had heard him wrong.
"Yeah" he nodded, bending forward and wiping his forehead off with a towel. "I'm tired of playing against bots".
Now, I may not have the most important job in the world. But I take it seriously. So when some young punk wants to make a joke comparing police work to video games? Well, you can bet I'll make an example out of him.
"Stand up straight, son. I want you to tell the whole class what you just told me."
Now he started to look a little worried. That's James getting cocky again, thinking he can get away with anything. He stepped toward me and lowered his voice, and I could hear his tone change, almost pleading. "Please, sir...let me just hold about tree fiddy."
And it was about that time I realized that Jim Booth was about eight stories tall and a crustacean from the protozoic era.
squishy121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not the most relevant but here it goes:
I met Ponceman, AKA The Retarted Policeman, and it was awesome.
Flashback a few years ago, Carnival Liberty cruise with a few friends. Second day comes along and one of my friends gestures over towards two guys and says, "isn't that the Retarted Policeman?" Us being Ponceman fanatics at the time immediately recognized him, but still wanted to play it safe: God forbid if we approached the guy and it turned out not to be him. Well over the next couple of days we witnessed them do the funniest of shit: humping random objects and fucking around. It HAD to him. Later that night his brother Scott, his brother, approaches us and asks:
"Do you know where [place on ship is?]"
"Yeah its over there but wait you guys look really familiar"
"Really? Where do you think you've seen us before?"
"Youtube. Retarted Policeman?"
"Yup. You guys wanna hang out?"
"Hell Yes!"
Well they turned out to genuinely be the funniest guys we ever met and we even ended up in a video.
workaholic_alcoholic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Here's one for ya! 14 years old, and want to "get drunk" because I see my parents sip their scotch and have a beer once in awhile. Same for my other two 14 year old female friends and our one neighborhood boy Josh who is also 14. So we plan this big "camp out" which is a tent in my friends yard, find a guy to buy us booze, and proceed to "drink like adults". Well we got a bottle of Ice 101 and a bottle of something else, I don't even remember what. Turns out I'm allergic to cinnamon extract, so couple an allergic reaction with alcohol poisoning, after having my first lesbian sexual encounter while making poor Josh watch as we fingered and licked each other... I run into my friends house, covered in hives, drunk, naked, and told her mom that her daughter was fucking the neighbor... at 14 years old. My cop step-dad had to come get me and bounced me up and down till I puked my guts out, then put me in the bathtub naked and video taped me puking and pissing myself... fun times
TLDR: Just fucking read it, cuz I spilled my guts out, literally
Edit... and to "bounced me up and down" I really mean he was basically giving me the heimlich shit of shoving his fists into my stomach to make me puke. It worked.
fridaynightjones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One night in my college days, my friends and I satisfied our late night munchies at the local diner and headed back to our dorm on foot through the city. Halfway home on an empty street, a guy with a backpack bicycles past us, slows to a stop, and asks if we want to buy some coconuts. We all stand in silence, baffled, until someone mutters "Nah, we're good." The travelling salesman shrugs and pedals off into the night.
To this day I wonder how my life might be different had I bought that stranger's coconuts.
tossingdwarfs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8 or 9 or so years old my friend and I had developed a way to sneak into hotel pools, wherein we would pretend we were guests of the hotel by riding the elevators and making up fake room numbers and just generally being kids and whatnot. One day we were riding down the elevator in our bathing suits/towels and an older man gets on at one of the floor stops. He starts telling this really weird story about how his girlfriend broke up with him and then randomly whips out his dick. Neither of us had ever seen a penis before and my friend freaks out and started crying. I honestly had no idea how to react so I just laughed like hysterical laughter. I guess it really threw the guy for a loop because then HE starts freaking out and bolts off the elevator at the next stop. I think my mom called the cops or something afterwards, not really sure. She took us out for icecream after we left though, which was awesome.
pervian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party, so this will probably get buried, but it was late 2006 or maybe early 2007. It was cold and this Texan didn't bring an appropriate coat, but I had just started dating a girl for less than a month and she introduced me to the genius that is Jim Gaffigan. I flew out to NYC to visit some friends. We are coming home from the bar one night and low and behold I see a man, with a wife, pushing a stroller. The man looks amazingly like Jim Gaffigan. He's tall, white, similar hair, etc. Wait...NO SHIT...IT IS HIM!!! I was about to ask him for a picture and I notice that he's looking around while walking almost as if he is trying not to be noticed. I think to myself, hey, he's with his wife and kid, no need to just intrude for a selfie with my crappy flip phone camera. I talk to my friend whom I'm staying with and am told it likely was him given his demeanor (she noticed his seemingly avertive head movements) and said that Tina Fey lives in the area. Something, something, news story about Tina Fey's apartment having bed bugs or something.
I'm flying back and know I'll be picked up by the girl who introduced me to Jim Gaffigan's videos. No way would she believe the story without a picture. Why would she? I mean c'mon - imagine the crazy, stupid odds and I'll just sound like I'm trying to impress her and have no proof.
Socially awkward penguin prevents me from getting a picture. Socially awkward penguin prevents me from telling the girl who would have actually been interested.
So I never tell her my story and I keep it inside until this thread and my story gets told to reddit, 7 years after the fact.
Jim Gaffigan, if you're out there, I still wish I could get a picture with you.
EyBuddeh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I do commercial diving as a side job for extra money on top of my actual job. I dove on a shrimp boat today to get it ready for shrimping season. It was a slow shrimp season last here around here, so they docked before winter hit. The boats themselves are all in pretty shitty condition, because they've pretty much just sat there and had mud, barnacles, and oysters growing on them for months.
So, today, I'm cleaning the propeller, nozzle (a circular enclosure around the propeller to prevent nets and ropes from getting tangled), and keel cooler (boat radiator). I noticed after about 15 minutes of knocking barnacles and oysters off of the rudder that there was a giant sheephead (the fish) sitting under the propeller, eating bits of the junk I'd knocked off that had fallen to the bottom of the nozzle.
When I got close to him, we proceeded to play a sort of ring-around-the-rosie with the rudder. He moved faster than I could blink and was just gone. I peeked under the rudder and caught a glimpse of his tail. When I went under the rudder to try to sneak up on him, he was already gone, and back at the nozzle, eating.
This went on for 20+ minutes. Everytime I got close, he'd vanish. If I went around the back of the rudder, he'd go to the other side. If I went under, he'd go back to eating. Not that this is anything fascinating to anyone else, but I've just started doing this for work just before winter started. I also live where the water is black instead of clear. 6+ inches of visibility is a big deal. It's the first time I've actually encountered something in the water besides my co-workers. Not gonna lie, he made me a bit nervous at first. I had to work up the motivation to play with it.
InlawJoseyWales ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a sophmore in highschool and my sister was a senior she started dating this guy. He was really cool, laid back amiable stoner. But he had this cousin who really skecthed me out, he was always fidgeting and coming down off of something.
Any way, so almost a year into their realationship my sister comes home and tells me she has a surprise for me and it's at her boyfriends house. She picks me up from school and we drive over to his place. So we go into his house and they tell me its in the closet. I open the closet and I see it, five pounds of marijuana. To a sixteen year old kid who has been smoking dime sacks for the past two years it was the most beautiful sight in the world.
Once i let the sight soak in I asked them where they got it from. Her boyfriend goes on to tell me that they suspected that their neighbor was growing so him and his cousin broke into his garage and collected their canabis. It was a great few months after that but my sister eventually broke it off with him.
SnowyPike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Today, me and my buddy were fishing a private lake that we didn't have access to. We kept fishing and about an hour in a lady with her children walk up curious about us fishing. She asks if her kids can watch us fish and of course we say sure. She asks if were from the neigborhood and out of instinct I say yes because I didn't want to get in any trouble. She decides to introduce herself and tell us her name and asks our names. I say the "smiths" (not actually smith) and she tells us which part of the neighbor hood she lives in. And then asks where we live. Me and my buddy both point to opposite directions..... We walked away, back to the car...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was in the elevator the other day with one of our neighbor ladies. The elevator stopped and she was about to leave, and I was getting mentally ready to say "bye". The doors opened, and I saw another neighbor I knew, and I was somehow totally caught off guard, and said out loud: "BALLO!!!". Neither of them responded.
ProfessorGigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Day I Became Batman:
So I was having my solo-time in this pretty town called Long Grove, Illinois. It's a lovely place filled with shops, restaurants, coffeeshops, antiques, and everything comprising a conservatively styled village.
There's this little square in the town and I'm sitting on a bench enjoying an espresso and ice cream while peoplewatching...Everybody around just seemed so happy: the elderly couple, the 20-something mother with a stroller, the dude walking his dog, etc. What really gave me a nostalgic suckerpunch was a group of four girls playing 4-square inside these four giant hula hoops. I used to be obsessed with 4-square in my elementary school and watching them play brought back memories.
When I finished my coffee, I got up and walked back to Main Street. To get from the square to the road, you had to climb this small hill on a few stairs. Between the top of the stairs and the sidewalk was a bench facing the square...and sitting on the bench...was this fat, unhygienic old man staring creepily into the distance. Hanging around his neck was a video camera...with a blinking red light. After walking behind him, I realized: this bastard's filming the little girls playing with their ball.
"Something MUST be done."
The comic shop across the street gave me a dastardly idea. Before then, I saw this video on Youtube where a guy poses as a teenage girl on Plentyoffish.com and lures a pedophile trying to bang "her" only to meet him dressed as Batman.
I sort of got inspired and entered the comic shop to purchase a cheap Batman mask, t-shirt, cape, and a copy of the local newspaper. I put my "costume" on behind the store (by this point I could've passed as the laziest, cringe-worthiest cosplayer at comic-con) and casually crossed the street and sat next to the guy. He was perhaps confused, but he continued sitting when I started reading the newspaper. It was time to revive my acting days from high school...
After two minutes, I put the paper down and deeply grunted "PREDATOR!"
He looks shocked and VISIBLY turns off his camera. "Wha-huh what?"
"PREDATOR! Have you seen the movie Predator? Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger?"
"Uhh...no...who are you?"
"I'm Batmaaaaan," I said with the classic gravelly voice while trying not to laugh. I put the paper up to my face and he's STILL sitting next to me. Time to take things up a notch.
Then, I had another evil idea...I discreetly took my phone out and faked a phonecall (pressing the ringtone preview and pretending that someone called me).
"Hello?...Hahahaha hey, Lorenzo what's up?...Yes?...Oh!... HAHAHAHAHA...Nice! So how's business?...Alright! Hey listen, Lorenzo. I have an offer ya can't refuse. I am willing to pay you $5,000 for three that are 12 years old and tasty...mmhmm...mmhmm...Oh! You've got'em locked in your cellar! Wonderful! Wonderful!...Can I pick'em up tonight?...Thanks, man! Batman's gonna have a lovely dinner tonight!...Take care, bro...bye-bye." I put the phone down and lifted my newspaper back up.
I can feel the bastard staring at me in awe. Then, he breaks the silence... "Umm...sir?"
"I ONLY RESPOND TO BATMAN!!!"
"Uhh, ok...Batman. W-w-would you say that you're..."good with kids" if you know what I mean?"
"Oh! OooooOOOOoooOOOh!!! I know what you mean! I used to be a babysitter before I became the Hero that Gotham Deserves! So many kids, so little time...Those were the days..."
"Well...uh...you see those little girls playing down there?"
"Oohoohoo yes! What about them?"
"Can you, uh...pick one of them up for me? I'll pay you."
"No problem! What are you gonna do with her?"
"Well...you know, play games, getting to know each other...maybe some touching..."
This guy is probably the stupidest pedophile in the fucking world! Why would he tell his illegal plans to a guy shittily dressed as Batman???
That's when I stood on the bench, pointed at him and yelled "PEDOPHILE!!!!!"
He looks surprised and responds "You too! You just bought three 12-year-olds for 5 grand!"
"YOU PERVERT! I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT CHILDREN! I WAS TALKING ABOUT WINE! LORENZO SELLS ME HIS BOTTLES FROM HIS COLLECTION BECAUSE BATMAN'S A CONNOISSEUR OF FINE WINES!!! YOU ON THE OTHER HAND ARE A MOTHERFUCKING PREDATOR!!!!!!"
Everyone's staring and this guy's flashing red. I see two intrigued policewomen approaching and I flag them down. "POLICE!!! THIS MAN'S A PREDATOOOOOOR!!!"
At this point, he gets up, fiddles with his camera (presumably to delete the video), and hauls ass down the sidewalk. Both of the ladies start chasing him and after they're gone, I haul ass back to my car and drive the hell away.
tl;dr: I'm Batman.
TheBunnyTheBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to tell the recent story of how I got my first full time job but I feel like it's bragging. Well I guess it is, but I've just never been so surprised with myself.
emcjames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a cat once, It died
egglatorian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's November of 2011 and I'm crocheting a scarf for a friend in the living room of the house I grew up in. My dad came home from work (landscaping) and complained of something like a headache.
I'm not really paying attention to my parents conversation but my ears perk up when I hear my mom say, "Your face. One side of your face isn't moving."
I immediately began talking to a friend of mine, who I trust more than I trust google for information. I knew what the signs were but I wanted someone to tell me "No, don't worry." Instead she told me to get him to a hospital.
My mom, sister and I told him we think he's had a stroke and we need to take him to a hospital. He refuses, says he just needs a nap. We call our older brother and tell him that Dad may have had a stroke but he's refusing to let us take him to the hospital.
My brother comes over and talks to my dad for a little while and then finally says, "Dad. I think we need to take you to the hospital."
In the hospital they tell us he's had two minor strokes and it was a good thing we brought him when we did because the strokes were a precursor to his failing kidneys.
The only time I'd seen my dad sick was when he caught the occasional cold. This is a man who, at 60, was still climbing into trees with chainsaws.
He's 63 now and has a hard time walking without the use of a cane or a walker. He's on dialysis three times a week and needs so much medication for problems including diabetes (which he lost his left eye to some years ago).
The hospital bills start piling up and my brother suggests that we move out of our house. The house I'd grown up in. In fact, I'd never lived in another house. My brother offered his own house that he owned and then he and his wife would move into a rented house that his father-in-law owned.
It's January 2012 - just months after Dad's initial strokes.
We're selling a few items from our yard, including the RV we'd purchased only a year or two before. An elderly lady drives into our alley way and stops in front of our driveway and motions to us. We approach and she asks if she can see the inside of the RV. We say yes and ask her to just pull into the driveway.
She decides she will turn immediately instead of turning onto the concrete of the driveway and ploughs into our gas meter.
As we yell and motion for her to STOP and TURN YOUR VEHICLE OFF so that she wouldn't spark the gas that was now flooding the air, she instead reverses off the meter and peels out further down the alleyway only to discover that it was dead-ended.
She turns around in another driveway. My father stands in the alleyway to block her but she only slows enough for him to realize she isn't planning on sticking around and he moves out of the way and she speeds past yelling something along the lines of "I'm not staying here!"
We call emergency and firefighters are at our house in seconds and manage to cap the gas leak off - the stink of which is now heavy in the neighborhood.
Middle of winter in North Texas is nothing to joke about.
That night my sister and I took my parents to my brother's empty house and filled an air mattress and fitted it with sheets and took one of the tv's so they wouldn't be bored.
We turned on the heat and my mom brought pots and pans and hot dogs or something and made us dinner.
Unwilling to leave the house abandoned without supervision and unable to yet move our dogs over, my sister and I stayed in the house for about three more days with no heat, no hot water, no gas to cook with and continued working - attempting to keep my father's business afloat without him.
We slept with our computers on to generate heat and our chihuahua dogs on our laps on the oddly-shaped couch we have under mountains of sheets and covers.
We had planned to move over in March - it would have given us enough time to complete a third room and third bathroom for my parents in the two-bedroom, two bathroom house my brother owned. And to complete my own bedroom which didn't yet have flooring, blinds or even molding.
Our congregation heard about our plight and pooled donations to give us an amount of money and then pooled their resources and helped us move out of our house in just two days.
It's May 2014 and Mom and Dad, my sister and I are okay.
We've had some scares on the way. Dad's legs bloated at one point from water retention and boy, let me tell you, you never saw nurses move so fast when we took him to the ER.
Mom stepped up to the plate despite her own health issues and cares for Dad like no one else could. She wakes up at 5 am every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to take him to dialysis and picks him up at 10 am. I was scared, when Dad got sick, that this would be too difficult for them to face but they've proven me wrong over and over again.
If I ever get married, I hope my spouse loves me even a fraction as much as my parents love each other.
My sister and her lupus flair-ups can be nerve-wracking. Her history of asthma and lupus coupled with a bout of pneumonia put her in the hospital just a few weeks ago. She's better now.
My own car accident that totaled my car and left us with one truck to support 2 elderly adults and 2 working adult women.
The only reason I tell this story is as a warning. You can't possibly be prepared to deal with everything life violently flings at you. You need to know that now.
You can only surround yourself with friends and/or family who can help you pull through it. I thank God I found the people who helped me.
Be careful out there, y'all.
diaperfullofpoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Probably the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. My girlfriend and I went on a extended road trip for 4 months. We traveled in a mini van which we would sometimes sleep in if circumstances permitted, but spent a majority of our nights in our two person tent. Anyway, we started from the east coast and had been traveling for a while. Slept in many many different circumstances, being sketchy people, sketchy areas, or most commonly, places where wildlife was a threat. One of these places including BC, Canada, aka grizzly bear land. Eventually, we made our way to Lake Tahoe, where a friend had graciously offered his empty house to us to stay in. In our correspondence leading up to our stay, he had mentioned how bears were really prevalent in the area and we should be careful. I swear I'm getting there, stay with me. So like I said, he mentioned bears a few times, but honestly we hadn't really put much thought into it. I mean we had been sleeping in bear territory with only fabric separating us from the environment for a while now.
We settle into the house and we are in absolute heaven. I mean four walls, a bed, hot water, refrigerator.. Plus it's hot as balls, so we are enjoying shelter. After dinner one night we decided to go for a walk. So we are walking around these neighborhoods, enjoying everything. While walking we get yelled at by this lady, hmm strange, but couldn't really make it out, so we keep walking. The next night we decide to walk again, again same woman yells at us, what is her deal? So I yell back, and she responds with "you really shouldn't be out at night, because of the bears!" Oh, ok thanks. I guess we'll go back. A few days pass by uneventfully. Then one day we are sitting on the couch watching tv, and I hear the screen door rattle, like a knock. My girlfriend says it's probably the neighbor, she was gunna give me some spices. I get up, stroll around the corner, and I see this hairy arm holding the handle on the screen door. My first thought was, holy shit some hairy man is trying to rob us! But because of the angle, all I can see is like 3 inches or an arm and the door. I continue around the corner, and there is a FUCKING BEAR standing on its hind legs, one paw on the door latch opening it, and the other gripped in the screen, with 3 inch claws, pulling the door half open. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I stand there frozen, less than a foot from the bear, with direct fucking eye contact. Meanwhile my girlfriend is asking from the other room what's happening and why I'm rudely greeting the neighbor with silence. I couldn't respond, I was frozen staring at this bear about to enter the fucking house. It felt like a long time, but probably only 3 seconds pass. Boom, boom, boom goes my heart and BAM I slammed the main door shut in its face. Still frozen in fear, probably 10 seconds later I manage to yell "BEAR". My girlfriend runs over and the fucking thing is still just standing on its hind legs like, "hey, I was gunna come in there". Slowly it gets down, turns around, and casually strolls away.
Sorry for any mistakes, I'm on mobile.
parkeris25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just woke up like 2 hours ago. Yesterday i was thinking about going for a nap and ended up sleeping for 13 hours... So that's something.
just_a_trough ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ive actually posted this story recently under another sub (/r/swimming) but this is the story of my grandfather
My grandfather, Charles Isami Oda, was born in 1923 on the island of Maui in Hawaii. His parents, Japanese immigrants (Issei), had come to the Islands for the opportunity to work the thriving sugar plantations on Maui. In 1937, at the age of 14, Charlie joined the famous 3 Year Swim Club (3YSC) of Maui. The team was organized to train young swimmers from Maui to participate in the 1940 Olympic Games only three years away...an unbelievable ambition for plantation kids from a then remote part of the Hawaiian Islands. Under the disciplined coaching of Soichi Sakamoto, the team scored impressive wins, winning the AAU National Championships in 1939, 1940 & 1941 and many of the team members were anticipated to make the the 1940 Olympic Team - Charlie included. These kids were not to get their shot at the 1940 Olympic Games though, or the 1944 Games. The war in Europe caused both Olympics to be canceled. In 1941, Charlie attended the University of Hawaii in Honolulu on a swimming scholarship and was a member of the ROTC command for the University. After the attack on Pearl Harbor, Charlie was assigned to guard coastal installations against an expected ground attack against Hawaii from the Japanese army. Although the ground attack never occured, the subsequent backlash against Americans of Japanese ancestry that ultimately resulted in the internment of Japanese Americans, also prohibited Charlie from participating in the armed services. He was dismissed from his ROTC unit and classified by the US government as an "Enemy Alien". He remained in Honolulu and continued his studies at the University. In 1943, responding to a call for volunteers of Japanese Americans for military service, Charlie volunteered for the newly formed 442 Regimental Combat Team (442 RCT) and was assigned to the Cannon Company. The 442 RCT was a segregated unit made up of Japanese American volunteers from Hawaii and the Japanese Internment Camps on the mainland. Charlie competed his military training at Camp Shelby, Mississippi and landed in Naples, Italy in 1944. During the war, Charlie engaged in combat against the Germans and Italians as part of the 5th Army under the command of Gen. Mark Clark in Italy & France. The 442nd RCT is still today the most decorated unit of it's size in US history! Now, during the late summer of 1944, at the height of WWII, in lieu of Olympic Games, the Tri-Theatre Allied Games were held in Rome, Italy. The games were organized for Allied athletes from the European & Mediterranean Armies in an athletic competition that included Track & Field, Swimming & Diving, and Team Sports. At those games, Pfc. Charles Oda (Charlie) participated in the Swimming & Diving competition for the Mediterranean Theatre of Operations (MTO) team. Competing against several past and future Olympic Champions, Charlie individually won the 200M, 400M and 1500M freestyle events and anchored the 400M and 800M relays to the team championship. As a result of his efforts, Charlie was awarded the "Outstanding Performer" award and presented a trophy for his accomplishments. Unfortunately, as Charlie returned to his front-line duties as a close-support cannon operator for the renowned 442nd Regimental Combat Team in Northern Italy, he lost track of his trophy and we are now hoping to recover it as a memento of his accomplishments and as reminder of his service and contributions during that challenging time of our history. Today, we are still looking for my grandfather's trophy and trying to get his story more well known considering how amazing of a life he has lived. If you are more interested in my grandfather or his story you can read more here: http://www.charlesodatrophy.info/ Thank you for the read!
-zombie-squirrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for posting! You have a really neat family history there!
codebrownRN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, God, this has been killing me.....
So my wife has this on again / off again friend that she hangs out with time to time. Well, it just so happens that her friend confides in her that she has been having an affair with someone they both went to high school with for a couple of years now. Well, my wife didn't think much about it until a few months later when she gets a call from her husband asking if she knows where she was. Apparently, she just up and left while he was away on a business trip for a couple of weeks and didn't leave a note or anything. My wife had no idea and told him as such. He hung up the phone and that was that.
A couple of days go by and we get another call; this time it's her friend. She is crying and every car with a siren is at her house. Her husband had committed suicide. He found out about the affair and the next day locked himself in the garage with the car on while she was gone for the evening.
Well, after a couple of days my wife asks if we would go and to check up on her and I reluctantly agree. (For the record, I don't really like her friend or the guy she had the affair with. I knew them both from high school too and they were not really the kind of people I liked to hang out with.) But as we get there we see her dead husband's parents sitting on the porch. A little awkward. We exchange pleasantries and soon we are whisked off to dinner paid for by the deceased's parents.
So I'm sitting there eating dinner listening to this guys parents talk about their son; how they had no idea he was depressed or suicidal. How he was always a good boy. And they went on to say how lucky he was to have had his wife by his side for as long as he did. After awhile it dawned on me they had no idea what had really happened with their son as to why he committed suicide! I'm sitting there with food in my mouth looking at my wife who. by then, is looking as white as a sheet. I wanted to tell his parents the truth SO FUCKING BAD.
To top it all off apparently he had 2 life insurance policies that she collected on him topping 350K USD and had them long enough that she could collect even if suicide was cause of death. She now lives with the dude she had an affair with who left his wife and 2 kids of 15 years. His parents still have no idea.
TL;DR Woman has an affair and her husband finds out and kills himself. Husband's parents were lied to and had no idea why son committed suicide. Unfaithful woman collects life insurance and lives happily ever after with douchbag that left his whole family.
Zackman558 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me when I was a sophmore.
So, I was doing what I usually do on my average day at school, go to zero period Jazz Band. It was pretty cool, played some head charts and had a pretty good time. I went through all the classes, finally reaching lunch. Now at my school, we have a thing called the Lunch Pass. Now this is like a shitty school drivers license, and it has my picture on it. Now, this lunch pass allows you to go outside for food and very few in my grade level had one. I did, and so did my best friend. But he left his at home that day. I hate going outside alone since its kinda bland and awkward, but if I had known what was coming next I swear I would have gone in a second.
So I spend the next two minutes finding someone else to go outside with, to no avail. I had given up and was just gonna stay inside until my friend Rashid asked me to buy him a loaded griller. Now, I usually don't just go outside for someone else, but Rashid is special. He's our eternal leader. But that's a story for a different time. Anyway, so I go outside to go to Taco Bell. While I'm waiting in line I see a nice girl standing in front of me. This girl just happened to be in my Spanish class, yet I never got to talk her often. So I decided I would, and fuck was she prettier when j got to know her. So we talked for a while, and after this I asked her if we could hang after school. She said sure, and this is where things got interesting.
So after we hang out, I meet her after school, running away from track practice, and we start the walk home. Now, its important to note that I was really attracted to her and I wanted to show this, and when I got home I tried to be as romantic as a fifteen year old can be. While doing this, we are about to get it on when she pokes a whole through my condom with her bracket. Blue balls soon to come, I thought with my dick and came to the conclusion that, we needed to walk to 7-11 and buy more. So we walk there together and I'm at the register ready to buy my condoms. And I do, right size and everything, and I'm ready to go. Now my girl has a bag of Fritos and a powerade in her hand. She asks me, "hey can you help me pay for this?" I said "yeah, how much do you need?" "I'mma need 'bout tree fiddy." It was at this moment that I realized that the girl in my Spanish class was actually a giant creature from the Paleolithic era. And I said "god dammit monstah, I ain't given you no tree fiddy." And that's how I got the blue balls to end all blue balls, and became a legend at my school.
Edit: Typo
SkyNinja1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in freshman year of highschool, a couple of my friends started making clothespin toothpick guns and selling them in the school. Well, I asked if they would let me in, and they made a deal with me: if I can figure out how to make them, I could sell my own, no bad blood between us. I asked to look at one, sketched it up, went home and made a fuckton of the things. The next day, were all happily selling the fuckers. In that one day, I made back what I put into it plus some more. Well, the day after that, some guy got busted with one, and turned us all in. We all got suspended for selling weapons on school property, and I got a speech about my entrepreneurial spirit, and a graphic description of having to pull a toothpick out of a foot after it had become entirely embedded in the flesh.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Mechfire11 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:24:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How exhilarating, we definitely would not have believed you without proof
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How I like a girl who will never like me
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Got my very first shiny pokemon the other day.
CorsoKO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not really that special of a story considering many others have many like them...
Anyway I was doing community service at my university about a week and a half ago... I went around NYC giving the homeless clothes on a night that was pouring rain.
Not many people came out but there was one gentleman who really stood out to me. He seemed really well put together and was a nice guy. I spoke to him for about a half hour before asking him how he became homeless.
He told me that he'd lost his job soon after the financial crisis in 2008. He lost a job that paid him a relatively high salary and then gave up everything to put his daughter through college.
Now I know there are some who will say he's lying and he absolutely could have been. But, it's crazy to think about how people out there are really struggling to get by while we're here typing away on keyboards. I don't feel guilty for it and neither should any of you but I really wish some people in the U.S. would have empathy for the poor.
No one wishes to live in poverty and the way that some people get there is heartbreaking. Everyone you meet is just as human as you regardless of what they may look like or what their income is...
In the end go out of your way to help those less fortunate. It doesn't always have to material things either... Sometimes all they want is someone to talk to...
Mathemagics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Super late to this party, and this post will probably get buried, but I really want to tell this story. I have never been good at math. Numbers just don't click in my head, and I was never able to conceptualize abstract mathematics either. I appreciate and respect math, but we don't get along. That being said, I'm a really good student who graduated high school with a 3.9 and college with a 3.3. I'd consider myself of above average intelligence, and I currently have a good-paying, full time job. That being said...
1st semester my Freshman year of college I had to take Finite Math as part of a general ed requirement for my Liberal Arts degree. The class was from 5:45pm-7:30pm Tuesdays/Thursdays. First night of class, I was walking out of my dormitory, and I spot a guy leaving who happens to be on my dorm floor. Turns out, he and I are in the exact same class. As we're walking to class, I half-jokingly bring up the idea of drinking before our next class on Thursday. He laughs and says that he would be down if I was. So we agree to the brilliant idea of "pregaming" (aka, drink a shit ton) before our Thursday class that week. We do...it's awesome, frivolity ensues, and we bond. We end up making heavy inebriation a pre-class Thursday ritual, and at the same time, we started to just blow off Tuesday classes. It's just not the same when you're sober, ya know? I am not exaggerating...75% of the time, we either skipped or went to that class intoxicated.
Fast forward to the Final Exam. I decide it'd be a good idea to to a hit of ecstasy before my finals. I roll (pun intended) up into my Finite final high as shit on X, and start to do my Final. I come to the ecstasy-fueled realization that I don't know this shit, and I'm going to need a calculator to answer these questions. Calculators are strictly prohibited on the Finite final exam. Don't ask me the logic of that, but that's just how it is. I say fuck it, and in my ecstatic frame of mind I declare to myself that I can either choose to fail this test because I don't know how to do the work, or I can fail it by having the balls to pull out my calculator and then get discovered, creating a crash and burn situation. I sack up and choose option two. I ended up getting a B in that class. My friend got a C+, and we are currently still best friends several years later post-college. Also, I don't do hard drugs anymore and drink responsibly on some weekends.
TL;DR: Went drunk to college Finite Math class a majority of the time, cheated while rolling on X during the Final, passed with a B.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A kid one year older than me (he's 17) I know that went to my school last year was arrested last week because him and his friend robbed a liquor store with machetes and bandanas on. Charged with armed robbery, disguise with intent, uttering threats and mischief. So, yeah.
CornAndBroccoli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
One time me and my friends were driving around at night and saw a hit and run happen in a fast food parking lot. We turned around and searched all over for the guy so we could get his tag number, but we couldn't find him. We went back to the restaurant and told them what we saw then answered a few questions with the police, but as I was driving them home lo and behold we see the culprit pulling out of a small motel RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. We tail him and he's driving really sketchy like he knows someone is onto him. We called the cops to report him, and the rest of the night youthful, adrenaline laced vigilante blood was running through my veins.
HuntStuffs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 10th grade we were playing dodgeball in the gym when a pulled a muscle in my groin while diving to avoid a shot from a gym class all-star. The mandatory rule in our highschool was to be escorted to the nurses office via a wheelchair pushed by the nurse. I'm assuring everyone that I'm ok when the nurse walks in. Now we all had the grandma school nurse that looks like the back of an old baseball glove but there was a substitute nurse for a few weeks while our old nurse was out for hip surgery. She was a mid-late 20's bombshell with dark black hair and big juicy cans. The entire gym almost fell silent as she came in. You knew she knew that everyone was staring at her.
I take my place in the chair and get taken back to the nurses office. She asks me the normal questions, "What happened?", "Where does it hurt?" and such and then she asked to physically examine the area. She pulled down my gym shorts and that's when my darkest nightmare came to fruition. I had an erection. A giant fleshy monster hiding under the cover darkness in my tighty whites.
I will never forget what she said next. "Let's see what we can do about your problem here". With that she reached into my boxers and pulled out my dick. Now I've seen my dick plenty of times, but today it was comically large, the largest I have ever seen it. She began pumping her hand up and down my shaft, my body racking with each blissful stroke. This godess was draining me of my life blood, my sweet seed. I blew my load all over those cans and she gave me the ok to go back to class. We had fun a few other times that semester....
AntiSpec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was closing for the restaurant I work at one time and before I can leave, I have to sweep the floors. Our sister restaurant, which happens to be next door, seems to always get a hold of our brooms. It is somewhat of a sibling rivalry, especially since we are red shirts and they're blue shirts.
So as I walk in to the blue territory, some girl blocks my path and says, "what you want?".
I reply "I just need to get a broom".
"Why you always taking our brooms?!"
Without hesitation, from the depths of my mind that I can never seem to conquer, I say "Cause I just want to sweep you off your feet".
Everyone at that moment snapped back and had the only 'Whoa, that was smooth' face. That is when I realized, if I say anything else, I'll ruin the moment. So I just left it at that and walked away with the biggest grin on my face... without a broom.
LadyKnowitAll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They're okay! But man, I cringe when I think about it. Puppies and babies are my weaknesses. They're just so pure
Karmanoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting gas in a not so nice part of town a few years ago, when I scored a point playing my favorite car game of spot the hooker. She wasn't trying to hide it, black girl pretty strung out middle of the day wearing high heels and a gold skin tight dress barely covered her ass. She walks by the gas station and takes a seat at the bus stop, a minute or so later a middle age guy rides up on a mountain bike and starts telling her "give me my money!" Over and over again. Eventually I finish getting my gas about the same time she starts walking away. As I exit the gas station I end up driving by them again but I'm already in the far lane but just as I pass them I see the man shove her onto some grass and attempt to step on her while still trying to balance his mountain bike. Now I have no idea what happened here, and I know I'll be downvoted for not helping someone in need but again this was the bad part of town and I don't interfere with pimps and their hookers. I also didn't call the police because there was one in traffic directly across from them who saw the whole thing, obviously this guy isn't a very good pimp.
Edit: spelling errors, typed on mobile so please ignore my lack of formatting.
JNaps95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 8th grade I was one of the three basketball captains, but I was the coaches pick. In school back then I was sort of a nobody. My small group of friends were the only people I talked to and cared about me. One night after a big game that went into double over time I woke up in a hospital. Turned out I had a seizure in my bed and my parents rushed me to the hospital. Back then I considered basketball my life. I was 6ft and 230lbs. I couldn't shoot a jumpshot to save my life, but defense and rebounds were my game. As captain I needed to tell the team I couldn't make it to todays game, because my parents wouldn't let me go to school no matter how much I asked. I told three people what happened. My co-captain Matt and my two friends Justin and Andrew. Well later that day I convinced my parents to let me go to the game and support my team. They dropped me off and left. The game was packed, people were standing everywhere who couldn't get seats. I will aways remember as I walked in everyone stood up and gave me a standing ovation. I didn't post it on Facebook or text 100 different people about it I told 3 people and it spread to the entire school. It was that one moment that showed me how good people can actually be. We lost the game but I left the school feeling the best I did all day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My father, little brother, and I were at the premiere of "I am Legend" when it came out. The whole theater was packed to the walls to see Will Smith get his action on. But anyway, before we left my brother complained about his stomach hurting, my father didn't think too much of it so we went anyway. We arrived at the movie theaters and took our seats. One of my team mates from football just so happened to be there too. There were 3 black guys infront of us when the movie started to play. Half way into the movie my brother stands up and literally sprays the black guys in the back of the head with vomit. They got up cursing, saying fuck like 10 different times. My dad picked up my brother and we booked it. My team mate told me they had to shut the movie off for 20 minutes because they needed to clean it up. It was all keks.
plzkillme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Dwight got a hooker.
Grrgums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This past winter I worked for a resort company which I won't name, but I can tell you it was in Vail, CO, and I made the mistake of living in employee housing. I lived in a fairly nice four bedroom, one bathroom apartment with some interesting people. Two were pretty cool, we'll call them Denver and Utah, but one was a complete turd. We'll call him Florida. Florida, from what I remember, had just graduated from Florida St or had been out for a couple of years or some such thing. Regardless, he never seemed to grow out of the whole 'frat boy' personality, he liked to think of himself as an alpha male. One day I came home and found some things out of place in my room, a shirt that was over here was now over there and inside the trunk where I kept most of things was in shambles. I went into the living room and found a notebook that I had had since high school on the counter opened up to a gushy love poem I had written for my lady at the time for everyone to see. "WHO WOULD'VE DONE THAT?" I remember thinking to myself sarcastically, though with no proof I told all of my roommates that I was, needless to say, not impressed that someone felt compelled to enter my room and go through my things. That it was extremely disrespectful and that as a human I deserve a certain amount of respect. Utah and Denver both said that they agreed with that and that they didn't go into my room. Florida merely said 'Why would anyone want to go into your room?' Why indeed? A week or so later I received a good number of dollars in tips from my job. It was a very hard day so I decided to treat myself to a bottle of my favorite whiskey, Bulleit Rye. I took two shots and placed it in the freezer next to Utah's and Denver's bottles of alcohol. Later that night I was woken up by Florida and his friends coming home from a bar or at least so I assumed that's where they were coming from because they sounded a smidge tipsy. I rolled over and went back to sleep. If you don't know this, altitude places a large factor in how much alcohol it takes for you to get drunk, and the hangovers are that much worse. I woke up and was going to take a shot to cure the hangover before work (very responsible, I know) and found the bottle with less than three fingers worth of booze at the bottom. SOMEONE had drank more than half my bottle of whiskey, a forty dollar bottle I might add, and I was upset to say the least. When I got home from work I was able to address all my roommates at once because as luck would have it they were all in the living room watching television and again I had no evidence that any one of my roommates was the culprit . I looked straight at Florida and said "I'm a human-fucking-being and I'm tired of the disrespect I'm being shown." (call me crazy, but I try to give people respect until they show me they don't deserve it rather than making people earn my respect) "I paid money out of my own pocket for this bottle and now I'm only going to be able to enjoy it twice before it's gone." Florida did not appreciate the fact that I stared him down while saying this and made sure I was aware of that by calling me a 'teenage girl throwing a tantrum'. Every night that he came home drunk with his friends he would do nothing but talk shit about my roommates and more specifically myself. The walls were very thin in that apartment, and one night I heard him saying things like I didn't shower or brush my teeth and that I never cleaned up after myself in the apartment, none of which are true. I tried to talk to Florida and have a heart to heart, but he conveniently forgot about the things he did that made me lose respect for him, tried to play innocent and say he didn't know why I didn't like him... I could tell that he wasn't going to stop being the person he was, a frat-boy POS. I couldn't afford to lose my job over socking him in the jaw so I had to find a different way to get back at him for the grey hairs he caused me to grow. I thought to myself 'I don't brush my teeth, huh? Too bad for you I know which toothbrush is yours!' So every day from January fourteenth to April around the same time when he left, I scrubbed my ass crack with his toothbrush, mainly when I would just get home from work while my roommates were still working, after I had snowboarded down the mountain and built up a good layer of sweat. Snow pants really seal in the flavor. Florida left before the season ended without telling anyone and left all of his food and a menagerie of things, like a microwave, his laundry detergent and other random items. Luckily, a friend of his let it slip that he was leaving so I snapped a picture of me in the act of defiling his toothbrush because he was leaving on a day that I was working so I regrettably wouldn't be able to tell him in person that I had been doing so every day for the past four months. I sent him a text saying "Thanks for dipping out without doing anything to clean up after yourself. By the way, I know why you've been talking shit all season..." Then I sent him the picture and said "Because you've been brushing your teeth with mine since January fourteenth! Have a good life dingleberry!" He never got back to me.
TLDR: I had an awful roommate in employee housing for a resort company so to get back at him for his bull shit, I scrubbed my ass crack with his toothbrush every day for four months.
Bass_Clef1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The reason I decided to pick up the bass was because I went to the Hard Rock in Seattle, saw a picture of one and said "I'm gonna learn that" and so I did...
I'm not very interesting.
Laodic3an ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try, would be author.
fatlace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a nursing home and Mr. O comes to see his wife, Mrs. O, EVERY SINGLE DAY. She has Alzheimer's and can't remember a lot of things and he has lung cancer and wheels around his oxygen tank and has arthritis in his knees. He is who I want to be when I grow old.
Waffocalypse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine had rented a gold cartridge of Ocarina of Time from Blockbuster, and since I happened to be there the day it was due back, I went along. They were planning on no longer carrying N64 games, so they let him keep it at no extra charge. I was jealous at first, but I've since been happier for his dumb luck... Godammit, it should have been me, I'm the bigger Zelda Deku Nuthead. I had to end up with a grey one, and finally buying a golden one years later for 30 bucks. It's not fair.
DeadGirlsCantSayYes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. I love this question. Theres so many floating i my head right now but Ill pick this one: When I was around 12 in the summer after my 6th grade year, my friend entered a soapbox derby contest and built a pretty cool soapbox cart. He ended up losing but thats irrelevant. So fast forward like 2 weeks and he has this soapbox cart just sitting in his garage. We were pretty bored one fay and decided to fi the steepest hill we can and take turns riding it down. We find this extremely steep hill in some back roads in our neighborhood and continue to take turns screwing down it. After a few turns we get bored and decide to make it a bit more interesting. At the bottom of the hill theres this house with, like, 6 plastic trash barrels outside for yard waste.so we stack them all in a pyramid and take turns riding into them and destroying said pyramid. Fast forward again like 20 mins of destroying and rebuilding this trash pyramid, a car comes down the road and puts on its blinkers to turn right. Into the driveway. Of the house we were stealing these trash barrels from. Now let me mention, my buddy had just finished a run down the hill, the barrels were all over the road as we were putting them pack with the cart to the side of the road. The homeowners pull into their driveway as me and my friend give each other worried stares. The husband and wife get out the car. The husband promptly asks "What the fuck are you two doing?", as the wife watches on. Now, Ive always been a good liar. But this is some real bullshit-lie-mastery. I manage to spit out: "Uhh. We were just taking turns riding this cart down this hill when some stupid kids came down this road and started throwin peoples shit around. So, uhh, we told them to fuck off and they ran off. So we were just, like, cleaning up all the shit and were just getting to your yard. And, uhh, here we are now." The husband has a look of pure concentration and processing-this-kids-bullshit-story on his face by the time Im done explaining this to him. Then, after 36000 years of silence, the wife goes "wow, thats SO considerate". Completely serious. The husband shakes off whatever he was thinking like a daydream in the middle of a highschool class and just agrees with her: "Yeah, thats...really nice of you". "Reward these nice young boys", says the wife. Me and my friend finding ourselves a little caught up in our bullshit start the "nonono thats not necessary", "we were just being kind citizens" yatayatayata. To which the husband replies with a hand waving our remarks away as he pulls out his wallet and pulls out two crisp 20$ bills. Hands them to us and tells us how most people wouldntve done that and how nice it was an whatnot. I hesitantly take them and look over at my friend whose face can only be described as someone who just narrowly escaped death. The husband, wife, my friend, and I exchange our thanks and they go inside. We put all the barrels back in their yard, push the cart all the way back to his house, and giddily go buy some snacks and candy. Cuz thats how simple life was back then. And thats that. Twas a good day for 12 year old us. Im pretty drunk so excuse any grammar mistakes. I really have been dyin to tell that lol.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:55:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you dog hater
SueZbell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Since it's a secret, I still can't tell.
todslaughter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My first year of college I went to a very small school of about 1200 students. I lived in one of 3 dorms and naturally there was a prank war.
One day we get called into a big dorm meeting. The RA's are super pissed. Apparently the prank war went too far and someone superglued the dorm's janitorial closet keycard slot shut. The powers at be decided that to punish us the janitors would not clean the dorms for a week. It was all shared bathrooms and showers.
It got pretty fucking nasty towards the end of the week but the thing that topped it all was Mount Poosuvious.
In the upstairs bathroom almost all the toilets were clogged. This one in particular had layer upon layer of shit in it. It was literally over the rim of the toilet. I swear the last guy in was squatting on the rim of the toilet to take the shit. To top it all off someone took spoon and stuck it in the top. I still get grossed out thinking about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:11:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Stackers make park rangers and janitors sick
mutantmike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Two friends and I were having dinner at a restaurant, and I brought up the ongoing Hobby Lobby Supreme Court case. For some reason, every time I said the phrase "Hobby Lobby versus the United States--" they'd start laughing. It was quite amusing.
It wasn't until one of them said "that's such a weird name," that I realized why it was funny.
"James...Hobby Lobby isn't a person," I said.
"What?"
"Hobby Lobby is an arts and crafts store."
The three of us started laughing so hard that James literally fell out of his chair. I smile every time I think of it.
cleansweep5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Excellent! This is my favorite story that I will always remember and I can't wait to tell it to my grandchildren some day. I call this the BullPanther Story.
Every year in my small, rural town of approximately 7000 people, there's a small little carnival that celebrates the day the town charter was written. A bunch of rides are set up, tents, fireworks, the whole nine yards. Its really fun until about age 16 when you realize that everything is overpriced as fuck and it costs $15 to park. Fortunately, my best friend lived right across the street from the park where the fair was held, and it became sort of a tradition that we would all park in his driveway and walk over to the fair. So freshman year of highschool, our group of approximately 12 friends decides to pitch tents in my buddy's yard (Lets call him Matt) and sleep the night there. We spend the day at the carnival and have a great time and get back to Matt's house around 1am. We're all still wide awake and amped up and ready to have some more fun, thinking of various things to do, when our other friend (lets call him Aiden) tells us that he brought a surprise: rubbing alcohol and chlorine tablets. If you didn't know, when these two things are mixed together it creates a pretty large bang, and as a bunch of punk ass thirteen year olds we were all pretty pumped to blow some shit up. Matt however, being the responsible one of the group, decides that lighting off this mini bomb in his backyard wasn't a good idea, considering that there was a high number of police officers right across the street at the fair and he didn't want to risk waking up his parents/neighbors. Instead, he suggests that we take a small walk through the woods behind his house to a clearing, where we should be fine to light off the chlorine bombs. All pumped and excited, the twelve of us walk through the woods down a winding path, and crawl underneath an approximately 5 foot tall barbed wire fence to reach this wide open clearing. It was a full moon that night, so the visibility was fairly high. I could see the treeline across the clearing where there was a large patch of tall grass. So, Aiden walks out to the middle of the clearing, mixes the alcohol and the chlorine tablets and runs back towards the group. Unfortunately on the first shot, he failed to screw on the top of the bottle tight enough, so we just got a large smoke show (which turns out to be highly toxic, if you plan on trying this trick at home make sure NOT to breath any of this shit in). At this point, we realize that we only brought enough of the chemicals for one bomb, and we didn't want to end on a low note, so we send back approximately 3/4 the group to go back to the tent and bring more of the chemicals. I was in the group that stayed in the clearing. So me and two other friends are standing approximately at the middle of the clearing, just looking at the stars and talking about the day, and the entire time I swear to god I can see something rustling in the tall grass across the clearing. It looks like something massive is skulking around, but I don't want to sound like a pussy in front of my friends, so I keep my mouth shut. A few more minutes pass by, and I see this large shape moving closer and closer. I start to panic, but my foolish teen pride prevents me from saying anything. Another minute or so passes, and now the figure is approximately 50 yards in front of us. At this point, after exchanging a few nervous glances, one of my friends Mike asks us if we see anything in the grass. Just as he says this, the figure charges and starts traveling at high speed in our direction. The three of us drop everything and RUN. I swear to god this is the fastest I have and ever will run in my life. Ironically enough, the rest of the group had just got back and was approximately half way between the barbed wire fence and us when we started screaming like little girls and running toward them at top speed. They had absolutely no clue what was going on, and must have been equally freaked out to see three kids running at them at full speed. I remember passing one friend, who was a bit heavier at the time and thinking to myself "At least I'm faster than him, whatever this is will eat him first". I swear to God I jumped clear over the barbed wire fence and helped a few friends pass underneath it, before continuing down the path at the speed of a Kenyan on cocaine. We all manage to make it back to the tent alive. The group circles around me and my two friends who had stayed in the clearing, bombarding us with questions about what the hell we were running from. My friend Tim claimed that the figure was a bull, due to the massive size of the shadow. I said it was some sort of mountain lion or large cat (Hence the Bull-Panther story) due to the way it seemed to stalk up closer to us before charging. It was only after everyone calmed down a bit that we realized we had dropped all of the flashlights, chemicals, and whatever else we were carrying in the middle of the field when we fled. Still high on adrenaline, we decide that it is now our mission to retrieve these lost items, regardless of the risk. We went into the tool shed and grabbed rakes, shovels, and pitchforks (yes, there actually was a pitchfork) and make a phalanx formation around Matt. Its important to note at this point in the story that Matt had a broken arm at the time, so he held the flashlight in the center of our circle while the rest of us surrounded him, arms at the ready. We crawled at a snail's pace down the path, slowly shuffling, reacting to any sounds, ready to kill whatever BullPanthers attacked from the forest. We carefully passed underneath the barbed wire fence one by one, the others defending the vulnerable ones. We reassumed our formation, and crept toward the middle of the field to retrieve our things. Some of us walked backward to ensure that our rear flank wasn't vulnerable. We grabbed the goods, and crept slowly back toward the fence, our eyes scanning the treelines for threats. Again, we passed slowly one by one under the fence, down the path, and back to the tent. This treck took the better part of an hour, for approximately a ten minute walk and back. We went to bed that night, hearts still racing from being ready to fuck up whatever the hell was in that field. The next morning, we woke up at approximately nine AM. Still discussing the physiological details of the BullPanther, we decide to go back out to the field to investigate, and at least light off one of our chlorine bombs. We walk out to the field, and nothing is in sight. We can clearly see the waist high grass across the way where the BullPanther had been. After scanning the immediate area and finding no mythical creatures, we decide to make our bombs and celebrate our triumph. Aiden mixed the chemicals and BANG! The bomb went off and we all cheered in celebration at our triumph. However, clearly startled by the loud explosion, none other than a large horse comes slowly trotting through the long grass to see what the noise was. All along we had been in a horse paddock. My friends laughed it off and we all walked back to Matt's house to enjoy the fair. The hilarious plot twist?: I'm absolutely terrified of horses.
lorenzo22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck, that was hard to read.
snwlprds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't really have a story... but do you wanna know about my crush?
studakris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My time to shine.
So this past year, I got roped into a road trip/vacation with my parents and my 95-year old grandma. Grandma is a tough old bat (i.e. lives alone, still drives herself, even drove herself to the hospital on two separate occasions when she was having a heart attack, etc.) She's also to the point where she's too old to care and will just say whatever. So there was loads of grandma saying hilarious stuff whilst on the road.
However, my grandma is a very religious and insisted we go to church Sunday morning when we were in Taos, New Mexico. Taos is an incredibly small town, and we could not locate a Methodist church (as per my grandma's wishes) but she reluctantly accepted a Baptist church as a substitute.
We go into the church and it's tiny. Like 15 people total in the service. The entire service, grandma is making catty remarks about the "tambourine shaking baptists" and their backwards theology. After the service, I need to use the bathroom, and not being framiliar with the building, I asked where the restroom was located. I was pointed towards the back of the sanctuary, where I see a door, open it, and walk in.
I find myself in a surprisingly homey room, with couches and other art not normally expected in a church. However, I see an open door with a toilet in it, so I chalk the homeiness of the room to some sort of strange New Mexico church decorating scheme. In addition, to the toilet, I can also see a bathtub in the bathroom, with a half open shower curtain. Still finding it odd, I go in and start my urination.
I'm about midstream when the shower curtain opens fully and I hear a voice ask "Matt, is that you?" I look up and there's a naked woman in the shower. I scream. She screams. I say "Sorry! The door was open, I had no idea!" She replies "it's okay. My fault for leaving the door open." And then, we both wait in awkward silence for 30 seconds as I finish peeing, and then wipe up the spilled urine on the seat from my shock.
Apparently, I took the wrong door and ended up in the attached parsonage, where I got an eyeful of the pastor's wife. As I enter back into the sanctuary to meet up with my family, I see the pastor talking to my grandma. I pull the pastor aside, quickly inform him of what happened, in hopes of him not getting the wrong idea when his wife inevitably tells him later. He takes it in stride, laughs when I tell him of seeing his wife in the shower, and invites me to lunch, where his wife will be preparing tacos. Needless to say, I didn't accept.
My grandma's response to my plight? "It sounds like you got to see more of Taos than we did."
TL;DR: Accidentally see naked woman. Get offered Tacos when her husband finds out
060789 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me, in 2008. I dropped out of college to sell weed full time. Making good money, until word got around that cops were asking questions. Got rid of the weed, and money got tight. Heard through a friend of a friend that some GDs from Chicago were coming down south to buy some weight. Saw an opportunity. Got the word to them that I could get it for about a quarter of what they were paying.
It was a totally bullshit deal. We meet them at wal mart, ask them to come see the product inside the van. As soon as one of them came inside, we pull out guns, and start driving. We get 5k, let him out, he supermans into the back seat of his people's car. We drive off, they chase us, each hanging out the window of our cars with guns drawn ready to shoot. I guess we all (us four and their three) decided a wal mart shootout was terrible idea, and went our separate ways.
The next day, I get arrested for commercial burglary, at the scene. Did a year and been on probation ever since 2009. Worked at McDonald's for the past four years.
Crime does not pay. I regret everything.
CheckTheTrunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The story of my death.
Eastern_Eagle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My catholic all-boys elementary school has a VERY strict code regarding talking on the school bus: It is not allowed.
All students are to remain absolute silence during the 1 hour bus ride until we get off the bus at our respective destinations.As you know, small children around the age of six and seven still face occasional difficulties when it comes to containing their load, and on a day just like any other someone near the back let out a silent killer.
The smell is so intense the bus lady and everyone believed somebody must have sharted.At this point, half of the bus has reached their destination and gotten off, the bus lady ordered the rest of us to move to the front as she began sniffing SEAT BY SEAT looking for ground zero.When she h
it the spot, she let out this intense loud cry, not just any ordinary cry, but the supervillain "death cry" you hear when they get defeated.Apparently the guy who sharted himself got off a few stops earlier, if the silent code wasn't in effect, we would have made fun of him the rest of his school bus days.
AerThreepwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The time I killed a man.
SomeoneUkno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried, and it's not the best story in this thread, but I love telling it because most people think I'm lying/exaggerating.
Anyway, I go to a local bar to meet up with this girl I had only hung out with twice before. When I get there, she's with another guy she just met. He's kinda weird, like he just wants to be noticed. I introduce myself and he says his name is Dan, but everybody calls him "Danimal" (as in Dan+Animal) and proceeds to lift his shirt to show me his tattoo across his entire stomach that says "Danimal" in Old English.
Meanwhile, the cops are outside because, apparently a girl bit one of the bouncers for not returning her purse and shoes to her, which he didn't have (but that's another story)
So we go out front of the bar where there's a cop (or 2, can't remember), and a bunch of people just kinda hanging out. Danimal says "I'll bet you I'll piss on that cops leg..." The girl I was there to meet says "hell yeah, do it!" And I'm thinking, are you fucking serious?! So I tell Danimal, dude, if you do this, you are guaranteed to go to jail, don't be an idiot.
While the cop is writing something, using the hood of his car as a table, Danimal walks up, pulls out his dick and starts pissing (not literally on the cop, but at the cops feet. The cop got piss on him). At this point, everyone is watching and pointing. The cop turns around and does a double take. I might add, this cop was very physically fit. The cop looks Danimal in the face, looks down, and grabs Danimal by his neck and belt, picks him up and slams him on the sidewalk. I seriously felt him hit the ground. He picked him up so fast, his shoes literally came off, and arrested him. Cop asks for witness statements and I happily offer.
I never talked to that girl again because, while I have fairly low standards, I'll never date a bitch that likes guys like Danimal.
TL;DR Guys pisses on cops leg, gets yolked up outta his shoes, I sign a witness statement...Fuckin Danimal...
krystalklear818 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at Disneyland with my high school boyfriend at the very back of a big roller coaster. A guy in the front's hat flew off while we were going through a loop. Somehow, I ended up getting my arm high enough up to catch it. I barely registered seeing it and I, on an almost daily basis, have a laughable lack of coordination. Coolest reflex I've ever had.
Oh, that and one time I sneezed while eating a salad. Cucumber got stuck in my nose. It burned.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently this happened to my mom when she took me there when I was little. Except she was the one who lost the hat.
RugerHD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to share my story of Waldo. There is an ignorant accusation that he is still missing to this day. I can only wonder where this false and ridiculously stupid accusation originated from.
It was a bright, sunny evening in the heart of Manhattan. So bright, not a single person was missing their shades. It was bright enough that our existance on that very moment could easily have been mistaken as a mound of dirt that we were really walking on, and some alien footwalking giant chose to examine the dirt mound with a magnifying glass (i.e. ant cooking).
Well, I was walking down West Park Ave. going due east. When suddenly, it hit me. No, not a giant dick that fell from the sky, but an abnormally large bird that flew his beak right into my left ear hole. I stumbled a bit, regained my balance, and looked at the suicidial kamikaze bird that lay on the ground. I closely examined his foot, which contained a metal corset around his ankle. It contained not a serial number, but what looked like a set of GPS coordinates. I quickly wrote these coordinates down and sprinted to the nearest library. I walked in and demanded computer access. The library contained only one, and was in use by the librarian at the reception desk. I weighed my risk/reward and decided this situation was an emergency, so I falco punched the librarian right in her 4 eyed face, knocking her unconciouss. No screaming occurred, which allowed me to remain incognito.
I looked up the GPS coordinates and found they were the coordinates of a remote location in the Siberian tundra. I decided this was my forte... I needed to accomplish this mission and figure out how this bird was able to migrate across the Atlantic ocean.
I ran to the nearest hardware store and got all the supplies I needed. I took them to a port out of Rhode Island. I crafted what would be my home for the next 4 months of my life. I built a masterpiece of a boat, but this was no time to feel glorified by what I have done, I needed to reach Siberia.
What occured the next 4 months was a long and lonely ride, which accompanied many failed suicide attempts, and even more time spent masturbating. I would masturbate, then release my DNA into the ocean to attract fish so i could eat. The fish would come to explore the new substance, then try a bite, and BAM, that's when I would secure my dinner for the night.
When I finally reached Siberia, I hiked for many miles, almost dying more times than I can remember. I eventually reached a security laden base. It was a small gazebo shaped hut, made out of titanium, and surrounded by "Do Not Enter" signs. Well, I did not come all this way for nothing. So I marched my way straight through this yard, to find a reverse peephole on the door of this titanium-enclosed-gazebo. I stepped up the courage to look through this peephole, afraid of finding someone looking straight back at me, or a dead person hanging from the ceiling by a noose, or even worse a giant orgy by Russian soilders, all of which are men, and finger banging each others orifices to relenquish the lonely sexual desires that accompany these men for years as they serve to their leaders in a below freezing tundra.
Turns to find out, it was not an orgy by Russian soilders, but indeed Waldo. Fucking Waldo, sitting in this hut, an 18 inch figure wearing red and white stripped pajamas, reading his own Where's Waldo Magazine v.04. I kicked the door in and demanded a confirmation of identity. He said that finally, he was released. He broke down in tears. He came and hugged my human vehicular body. I pushed him off and asked him what the fuck is up. He proceeded to explain how was captured by the Soviet army, and left to die In this metal hut. How his family had started the "Where's Waldo" campaign to find him, but the "dumbass fucking humans decided to make a fucking magazine and place me in a crowd so that parents could entertain there disobedient kids and get them to circle me." He exclaimed that humans turned it into a giant fucking joke. It was a joke between people to ask "Where's Waldo?", while this poor entity spent his existance in a Soviet built titanium hut.
We talked for some time and I released him into the wild, and set him free. He chose to live off the land and not associate himself with the "self-centered, greedy, and egotistical human race." When I made my way back home to Manhattan I tried to spread his word. I tried to tell everyone I knew that waldo isn't a fictional character and was living in Siberia. No one believed me, so I stopped trying to change these conditioned people's minds. So after 6 years, I now want to tell reddit. It was painful writing this, but reddit, you must spread the awareness. I ask you, reddit, to please allow this man some dignity and lets bring his soul and spirit back to life. Instead of in a fictional manner, let's bring his soul back in a manner of honoring and to give him his dignity.
Please, this is the least we can do for him. Thank you, reddit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I lost my virginity on the top of a mountain in Spain with an Italian surfer. Based on movies, I thought it was a common question people asked (how you lost your virginity), so I wanted to make sure it was great story. Maybe 3 people ever have asked me that and I'm a little miffed.
My best friend in high school was named Ashley. She was convinced everyone in the school was talking about her behind her back and especially paranoid about it. Bear in mind she is a VERY loud talker, and that escalates with excitement. One day, we were in the cafeteria and the nice little old lady at the register was making conversation and at one point said, "Actually..." and my friend said "HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?!?!"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once had a friend run from the police, lay on the ground, and when they approached him he pretended to be asleep.
Friend: "...yawn"
Police: "Sir what are you doing?"
Friend: "Oh...i just woke up"
Clop88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well this one time at band camp......
laughingalto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The year I let a Punatic (hippie hoarder from Puna) take over my life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
lorenzo22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
right time....never.
SemanTanks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I spat on the floor in front of everyone in church.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About 4 years ago I was in 8th grade and my friends and I had a game in which we would slap the back of each others neck if another friend did something 'gay'. They could avoid the slap if they said 'no homo' prior to our game, the game was devised by my friend and I as support for a recently out of the closet friend of ours and a bit of fun. So fast forward we are playing this game for a couple of weeks now and we go out for recess. I see someone in a grey jacket that one of my friend wears - completely zipped up(Canada Winter), so I decide to go up to him and slowly massage his shoulders while saying "yeee you like that" and then letting out a long whisper of nooooohooooommmooooooo. To my surprise, someone who I believed to be my friend in his grey jacket and all turns out to be a short supply teacher who had the same jacket. Poor guy looks at me absolutely dumfounded about what had just happened, points his finger at me and says "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!". I didn't know what to say so I just mumbled something - meanwhile my friend who had witnessed everyone starts shitting his pants.
FlippyColon3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a little late here, but screw it.
When I was around 13 years of age, my father got married. It was a beautiful day that I'll never forget (probably for the wrong reasons.)
The woman my father got married to had a very.... aggressive family. This family consisted of bikers, drug addicts, ex-criminals etc. Both my father and I were oblivious to this, since she hadn't spoken about any of her family. Ever.
Anyways, when the big wedding ceremony had finished, we decided to have a party at our home with most of our family members (including hers.) I was thoroughly enjoying the party, until this happened.
A man walked into the house (let's call him John.) John was a cousin of the wife, who had arrived late to the party. He was obviously drunk when he arrived though, since you could smell the alcohol from a mile away. He wasn't too much of a hassle at first; mingling with guests and congratulating my father and his wife on their milestone. Then, he saw a 3L glass bottle of Jim Beam.
John grabbed the bottle, ran into my bathroom and chugged the ENTIRE thing. After this he went back into where everyone was, put the bottle back and started flirting with all the women he could see. One of the women was right next to her biker boyfriend and the boyfriend was NOT happy about it. After around 15 minutes of bickering, he grabbed John and threw him out the door. John walked away, shouting the words "You're going to get fucked up." The biker thought this was just drunk talk... until he saw John, running to the house with an axe in his hand (yes, this is why he's called John.)
John got in the house and tried swinging his axe around the room, but everyone had already ran out of the house. The biker, threw John onto the ground, grabbed the axe and threw it outside. Now, I was watching this whole thing, and in the corner of my eye I could see Johns father. He was suffering from extreme depression at the time, so he decided it would be best if he smashed a bottle, grabbed the shards of glass and put them on a piece of pizza to eat. I shit you not.
After seeing that, I decided to run into my parents bedroom and hide under the bed. Now, this wasn't a good idea, since John came running into the room with a knife, trying to find my father and his wife. After searching the room for a bit, he decided to walk away, but before he left he decided to check under the bed. Obviously, he saw me, so I did the only thing I could do in that situation and screamed for help. My father came into the room and decided to distract John while I retreated to my room and locked the door (my brothers and sisters were in the room as well, my father wanted me to keep them safe.)
After what seemed like hours and hours, the police arrived and took John into custody. About 2 years after that incident, my father got divorced and we are now living in a quiet country area.
TL;DR: A drunk man wielding an axe decided to ruin my fathers marriage celebration party.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the time my friend Jeremy was a super hero.
I was six months pregnant and my bf and I had just moved into our apartment that day. We were running errands to get essentials. While driving, the small red sedan in front of us chucked a soda can out of their window and it hit my boyfriends car and splattered orange Crush all over the windshield and front of his car. My boyfriend waited until the road turned into a four lane, then pulled even with the car. He started yelling, the four bros in the car started yelling, and I chucked my giant Panera Bread sweet tea in the most perfect spiral out of the window, directly into their car. The cheap Panera Styrofoam cup exploded everywhere. My boyfriend sped up and we went to the grocery store, not really thinking anything of it.
We were in the store for an hour getting everything, from mustard to a paper towel holder because the apartment didn't have anything. So when we came out, we were really fucking surprised to hear "there they are!" And see the four bros had followed us. And they had switched out their little sedan for a giant lifted redneck truck. They started revving their truck and yelling. My boyfriend, who was fresh out of the military and rather aggro, went over and was telling back at them as I put the groceries in the car as fast as I could. The guys wouldn't get out of the truck, and once the groceries were away I told my boyfriend we should just leave.
So we left. And the giant truck with the four frat boys followed us, honking, acting like it was going to hit us, and at one point trying to run us off the road. My boyfriend didn't want to involve cops since I had obviously done something wrong. But we couldn't let them follow us to our apartment either. So I started calling my friends.
Jeremy was the old school crust punk with a giant mowhawk, tattoos everywhere and he was intimidating as fuck if you didn't know him. He was also my best friend and surrogate brother. So when I called and explained everything to him, he told me to have my boyfriend drive in circles through this one neighborhood until he could get there. So we did.
About five minutes later, Jeremy calls my phone and tells me to have my boyfriend stop the car at the stop sign and just wait. We stop and park. The truck stops behind us and the guys are laying on the horn and screaming insults. And then a big white construction work truck stops behind them. The bros immediately stop yelling and I hear this giant CLANG as pieces of rebar hit the road and six big old construction workers get out, along with Jeremy and a giant rottweiler. The construction workers (who I had never seen before or since) all have chain or rebar or crowbars in their hands. Jeremy walks up to the bro's truck, reaches in, and pulls the keys of the ignition. He tells them to get out. The bros start yelling about how that whore (me) had thrown a drink in their car and they were just trying to scare us.
Jeremy turns and chucks their keys into the ditch beside the road and screams at them to get the fuck out of the car. The bros all start backtracking, saying they were never gonna hurt us and they didn't want any problems. One of the construction workers leans in the passenger window and tells them to get the fuck out before he starts pulling them out. The kid behind the wheel literally starts hyperventilating and crying. The bros are all scared as fuck, the constriction workers are having way too much fun and the dog is just barking like he's been possessed by Cujo. Jeremy tells them they all need to apologize. The bros all start yelling they're sorry over and over. Jeremy comes up to the car and tells me to go home. I told him I'd text him the address and he should stop by soon cos I'd have a case of beer there for him.
Jeremy and his friends followed out out of the street and made sure we got home okay. It was one of the most cinematic and crazy experiences I've every had. He passed away last January and I still miss that fucker every day.
Tl;dr Punk rock super hero rallied the troops and scared the shit out of some frat boys.
phenomenadododododo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was waiting outside a bookstore for my parents to pick me up. This car comes tearing into the parking lot, screeches to a halt, and throws a duffle bag in front of the store before zooming off.
My 13 year old mind is planning my final moments as I have decided the duffle bag is clearly some sort of bomb. Then the bag starts moving. I am completely immobilized by terror but there's another guy outside who goes and unzips the bag.
A kid about the same age as me comes out of the bag with duct tape over his mouth and wearing nothing but underwear. He pulls off the tape, grabs the bag, and wraps it around his torso. The guy who unzips him is like "are you ok? Do you need to call someone?" And the kid is like "no, it's ok." And just takes off running into the parking lot.
Amost immediately after I lost sight of him, my best friend came outside after buying a book. To this day she doesn't believe the duffle bag boy incident happened.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did anyone run after the kid??
phenomenadododododo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You know, no one did. My guess is it was a prank, the kids who dropped off the bag were laughing and probably 17ish. I was so stunned by the whole thing I didn't have time to be logical.
duck-billedplatitude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My whole life has been one big lie
ryoe123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Everyone has monster shits.
reggae_guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago my old band decided to put together a show at a club. 2 stages, 8 bands including mine, one from out of town, all playing their sets in a time frame of like a 5 to 6 hour night.
I'd say it was a pretty well organized show (flyers/write-up in paper/etc). Timeslot were sent out to the bands about a week before the show. One of the guys that helped throw the show went ahead and let a later band go early, causing a domino effect where everyone played later; disorganization. Delays occurred, and one band who was pushed later in the night was understandably upset. Not as upset, however, as that band's very drunk friend who came to see them play that night.
So during my band's set the dude jumps on stage in-between songs and screams in my ear and runs off. I think nothing of it and shrug it off.
This is getting long but we're almost there.
I find all this out from a friend along with the funfact that drunk guy's girlfriend was dancing along to our music. We played reggae/rock music so that's understandable :)
Fast forward-The end of the night comes, bands and soundman are paid, and everyone congregates outside. I catch a glimpse of that drunk dude who's now eyeing me, laughing and getting loud with his friends. Weird. Him and his girl walk away from their friends and start to cross the street to their car. The guy's drunken behavior intensifies and he starts calling me a pussy or something stupid, with his arms extended, at about 20 ft away. I yell out "at least your girl was happy I heard she was dancing to our set".
This sets the guy off, he flips out and he decides to charge at me. Now I'm not really a fighter, but decide to brace myself for this incoming idiot. I'm on the sidewalk with a bunch of the band members and he is running straight at me from the middle of the street.
Closer and closer he gets, and about 2 seconds before we make contact, my bass player jumps out from behind me and just straight-up "Liu Kangs" this guy in the face! In other words he jumped straight towards the guy and kicks him in the face. Since my bass player friend was not actively into martial arts or anything, I guess standing on the sidewalk helped him to be able to reach the guy's head. Needless to say, the guy is down instantly. His girlfriend comes up to us and apologizes for his behavior, helps him up and to their car. My bass player became a legend that day.
TL; DR: Drunk guy charges at me to fight, my friend jump-kicks him in the face, saving my ass.
JayMurtz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
And thatโs when you met me. โWhatโฆ what happened?โ You asked โWhere am I?โ โYou died,โ I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words. โThere was aโฆ a truck and it was skiddingโฆโ โYup,โ I said. โIโฆ I died?โ โYup. But donโt feel bad about it. Everyone dies,โ I said. You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. โWhat is this place?โ You asked. โIs this the afterlife?โ โMore or less,โ I said. โAre you god?โ You asked. โYup,โ I replied. โIโm God.โ โMy kidsโฆ my wife,โ you said. โWhat about them?โ โWill they be all right?โ โThatโs what I like to see,โ I said. โYou just died and your main concern is for your family. Thatโs good stuff right there.โ You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didnโt look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty. โDonโt worry,โ I said. โTheyโll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didnโt have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If itโs any consolation, sheโll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.โ โOh,โ you said. โSo what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?โ โNeither,โ I said. โYouโll be reincarnated.โ โAh,โ you said. โSo the Hindus were right,โ โAll religions are right in their own way,โ I said. โWalk with me.โ You followed along as we strode through the void. โWhere are we going?โ โNowhere in particular,โ I said. โItโs just nice to walk while we talk.โ โSo whatโs the point, then?โ You asked. โWhen I get reborn, Iโll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life wonโt matter.โ โNot so!โ I said. โYou have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just donโt remember them right now.โ I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. โYour soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. Itโs like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if itโs hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, youโve gained all the experiences it had. โYouโve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you havenโt stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, youโd start remembering everything. But thereโs no point to doing that between each life.โ โHow many times have I been reincarnated, then?โ โOh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.โ I said. โThis time around, youโll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.โ โWait, what?โ You stammered. โYouโre sending me back in time?โ โWell, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.โ โWhere you come from?โ You said. โOh sure,โ I explained โI come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know youโll want to know what itโs like there, but honestly you wouldnโt understand.โ โOh,โ you said, a little let down. โBut wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.โ โSure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you donโt even know itโs happening.โ โSo whatโs the point of it all?โ โSeriously?โ I asked. โSeriously? Youโre asking me for the meaning of life? Isnโt that a little stereotypical?โ โWell itโs a reasonable question,โ you persisted. I looked you in the eye. โThe meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.โ โYou mean mankind? You want us to mature?โ โNo, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.โ โJust me? What about everyone else?โ โThere is no one else,โ I said. โIn this universe, thereโs just you and me.โ You stared blankly at me. โBut all the people on earthโฆโ โAll you. Different incarnations of you.โ โWait. Iโm everyone!?โ โNow youโre getting it,โ I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back. โIโm every human being who ever lived?โ โOr who will ever live, yes.โ โIโm Abraham Lincoln?โ โAnd youโre John Wilkes Booth, too,โ I added. โIโm Hitler?โ You said, appalled. โAnd youโre the millions he killed.โ โIโm Jesus?โ โAnd youโre everyone who followed him.โ You fell silent. โEvery time you victimized someone,โ I said, โyou were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness youโve done, youโve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.โ You thought for a long time. โWhy?โ You asked me. โWhy do all this?โ โBecause someday, you will become like me. Because thatโs what you are. Youโre one of my kind. Youโre my child.โ โWhoa,โ you said, incredulous. โYou mean Iโm a god?โ โNo. Not yet. Youโre a fetus. Youโre still growing. Once youโve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.โ โSo the whole universe,โ you said, โitโs justโฆโ โAn egg.โ I answered. โNow itโs time for you to move on to your next life.โ And I sent you on your way.
MeepMeepImmaJeep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was walking with a friend one night and came across a street light at the end of a road with a single car under it. As we were walking past it I swear we heard thumps from the trunk. We never did anything about that..
monkeybugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That little 'ol me, as unattractive as I feel I look, got to fuck a Jamie Bamber look alike. And that he had whiskey dick. And reeked of fried foods. So not what I wanted for that sexual encounter.
WorldWarIIWasAHoax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not mine, my dad's story, but I'll tell from his perspective.
In the army we have these devices that create craters in the road by firing an explosive into the road that is mounted on a tripod. I was instructing about 100 men how to use it. The detonator device looks like a C4 charge detonator. I had the safety on and I told everyone that despite the safety being on, the detonator was still completely functional and the safety didn't always work, so don't try to pull it. A few hours later, with one of the devices set up, I handed the detonator, safety on, to a private because I had to go check something back at the truck. When I got there, I heard a huge explosion. I ran over to see a massive hole in the ground, and everyone laying next to it. I knelt down next to one man, the man closest to the missile, and could see he was still barely alive. It was the guy I'd handed the detonator to. I held him and I said things like "Stay with me!" "You're gonna be alright!" and things like that, to keep him awake. When you die like that, it feels like drifting off into a pleasant slumber, and we try to keep men alive by talking to them and making them want to be alive. Anyway, the guy lifted his head up, and looked around. To him, it looked like everyone was dead. Thankfully, no one died, but to him, it looked like he'd just killed a hundred men. After taking in his surroundings, he looked me directly in the eyes and whispered "I don't deserve to live", and let himself die right there in my arms.
I may have messed up some details, and I forget the name of that crater device, but I did my best to tell it the way he did.
does_not_comment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my brother are very close, we tell each other everything. He's almost like a magnified version of me; smarter, cleverer, nicer, sadder... And more depressed. He called me yesterday, told me he had overdosed on ambulax and that he was dying. I don't know whether it was me crying, or me pleading between my crying that finally lead to him puking. He wouldn't tell me where he was, I was in touch with his roommate who was trying to look for him. He'd hang up intermittently. He was barely in his senses. Meanwhile, my parents, who regard him so highly, are waiting for me downstairs. They have no clue. Physically, he's okay now, mentally... I don't know. He refuses to get help, he thinks he can handle this on his own.
The reason why I wanted to tell this story is because I have no fucking clue how to handle this. My parents can't be told, it'll only make him feel worse. Nothing I say is getting through to him. I just keep fearing that some day I'll just get a call telling me it's over. I don't know what I can do. I really wish it had never happened. I wish someone could just take my place.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's too much pressure for one person (you) to deal with. He's got to get some help or be honest with your parents.
mbacpa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
College. Christmas break. Heading home from California to Washington, D.C. My friend convinces me to fly out from Vegas, since he's driving there to spend Christmas with his family. I decided to fly out on Christmas day to avoid the busy travel days, and to save a little money, which gave me some gambling money, too!
Drive to Vegas the morning of Christmas Eve. Start drinking and gambling around noon. We were winning at cards, so we were both up about $300 by dinner. After grabbing a bite, we hit the tables again. I lose it all by about 11 p.m., and I'm pretty hammered by that point. My buddy was still winning, so he kept getting drinks for me with the thought that I would be having a good time getting drunk, which would take my mind off my losses, so he could keep playing. Well, I get so drunk that I end up stumbling to the bathroom to puke my guts out. This is probably around 1 a.m. I get back to the table, and I keep falling asleep. The pit boss wouldn't kick us out, since it was empty, but he would wake me up if I laid my head on the table. I spent the next 2 hours making a couple more trips to puke, sleeping propped up at the table, and trying to mumble "let's go" to my buddy. We finally catch a cab home around 5 a.m., and I get about 3 hours sleep before leaving for the airport.
TL;DR - Spent Christmas Eve/Christmas Day puking in the bathroom at Mirage in Vegas before flying home for break from college.
KommandantVideo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is some good shit, I hope it doesn't get buried.
On a field trip to NYC with my high school class, we decided on the way back of the trip (it was about a 3 hour long drive) that we would trap people in the emergency bathroom on the coach bus. After trapping around 5 people in there (individually), and making it humid and hot in there, we decided we were going to start shoving several people in. A kid got up on top of the toilet with another, and soon we were willingly going in to see how many kids we could fit in there. It was hot, cramped, wet, and there was blood on the ground from a kid who scraped his knuckles trying to escape from the stinky prison he was in. There was an automatic hand sanitizer dispenser in the bathroom too, so when all 7 of us (that's how many we managed to fit into the bathroom) spilled out, one kid had hand sanitizer all over the side of him. We did this several times, eventually turning it into a game. We played rock paper scissors about who had to get into the bathroom first, and then wait for the rest of us to pile in so that we could all come flying out like some sort of ridiculous cartoon. On our last venture out, one of the kids actually hit the emergency button in the bathroom signalling the bus driver that someone inside was having trouble. Luckily, we were all done with our shenanigans and were sitting around when we heard that message. One of the kids sitting next to the bathroom played it really cool, opening the door and asking "hello? is anybody in here? Huh! there's nobody in here, that's really really weird!" so the two adults sent to check on the phantom pooper just walked back to the front of the bus wondering god knows what.
We never even got caught.
TL;DR : We fit 7 people into a hot, humid, and unsanitary coach bus emergency bathroom and signaled the bus driver that we needed help pooping in doing so.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's a girl at my college who just went through a bunch of traumatic experiences. Her name is X. First, X's mother dies of cancer. Only a few months later X's father doesn't come back from AA. X drives around without a license looking for him for a few days but can't find him. The police eventually find his car in a ditch about a week later. X has no family where she lives, which is small and rural, so she moves across the country to live with her aunt and uncle.
X starts college in a pretty big city, and she gets attached to any man who reminds her of her father. She goes through a few before one adopts her for the foreseeable future. He is a total scumbag. His name is Pig.
Pig constantly uses her as a sexual object for himself and others. Pig sets his friends up with X knowing that she wants attention and she will fuck them if she gets enough. Pig knows that X loves him, so he fucks her whenever it is convenient.
X thinks I'm a good guy. She tells me I remind her of her father. She asks me on a date. I say I'll go on one. Pig sets X up with another one of his friends, and she revokes the date. A few days later she comes back to me regretting it immensely. Lots of crying, plan b, etc. X still wants to go on a date with me.
I'm not sure any relationship would be healthy for her, and I just got through a rough breakup. I care about her, so I try to treat her like a human being. She has had a lot of people using her and pitying her, so I focus on being a good person and treating her decently.
I talk to Pig and he promises me not to continue with her sexually. I trust him.
I'm in X's room with her and Pig. I'm getting annoyed with him, so I decide to leave. She grabs me and kisses me. I'm flattered but a bit confused, so I still leave.
Later that night, I'm sitting outside and they both come out. I can see the afterglow. I tell Pig that I know, but he denies it. For the next week, X and Pig are hanging out and avoiding me.
X starts hanging out with me behind his back and telling me that he isn't a real friend and that I am. She tells me to just wait and things will get better. I find out that Pig has been sleeping in her bed.
Pigs girlfriend finds out, and he leaves X again. X tells me I was right about seeing their afterglow, and that she's interested in me. She wants to go on a date to the city when the semester ends. I say yes.
At this point, it's all too much for me. I revoke my decision to go on a date and suggest that we not speak anymore. She begs to continue talking and go on a date. I relent, and then take it back again. She begs while her uncle is present. I relent one last time and we make plans to go.
The night before, X cancels and says she doesn't think I should talk to her.
tl;dr Attention seeking individual with horrible life tries to keep me on ice while fucking and being used by a bunch of primates masquerading in human skin. She tries her hardest to keep me around, and every time I let my guard down she stabs me in the back and makes her own unfortunate life a little bit shittier.
overtoke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
the story about the day the drug war ended.
jtoffler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Recently, I went to a pair of vending machine to buy a snack and a drink. On the snack vending machine I decided to get a Twix. When I reached in to receive my delicious treat, I had the good fortune of finding an unopened bag of Skittles carelessly forgotten. Then when I went to buy my drink I opted for a Sprite. When I retrieved the Sprite, I found that it was unopened and almost half-empty. The vending machine giveth and the vending machine taketh away.
zxrax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to tell the story of my acid trip but holy shit it's just such a long story, I need a few more hours to actually write out the story.
It'd probably be so long that people would skip to the end and check to ensure it didn't end with everybody walking the dinosaur.
DisasterSoup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in middle school I had a dream I walked into a strip club, pushed a stripper off the pole and yelled "Make way for the real heroes!" and then firemen started sliding down the pole and running out the door. I will never forget that dream.
valhallaswyrdo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My father in law collects glass bottles, I know that sounds strange to most of you it did to me too when I first found out but it's actually a pretty common thing and some people will pay a shit ton of money for certain bottles. He scouts out yard sales and auctions looking for these artifacts.
One day my wife and I are walking in the door and he says look at this bottle, he shows us a glass bottle with alot of etchings in it including the words HIGH and TIMES some of you will already know where I'm going with this, he says "I bought this at an auction last night, someone drilled a hole in this bottle" I looked at it for about 2 seconds and said "You know that's somebody's bong right?" he says "what? no that's not a bong" I say "Yeah it really is a bong see this hole here was to put a piece of pipe in". I had to show him a video on youtube of how to make a water bong out of a glass bottle before he would believe me.
biz_byron87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
an old colleague of mine was flying a helicopter through the Whitsundays Islands in Australia. he was trying to take a picture with his iphone 4 out the little window gap but it got sucked out. He wasnt sure if it was over land or water but he was up 500ft and going about 120kts. when he got back to base i gave him my phone and he used the find my iphone app to track it. it showed up on an island just off from the main island we were showing it in the middle of dense tropical forrest a few hundred meters up from a little bay. 2 days later he sourced a boat and set off searching for it. they rang it when they thought they were close and managed to find it! just sitting in the dirt and leaves still alive and screen not broken at all. it did have a lifeproof case on it though and a few bite marks from an animal but 3 days sitting in the bush and still works fine. thats an awesome testament of the iphone app and lifeproof cases to survive that, plus iphone to last 3 days is beyond me
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 16 I got a new drumset (I got my first one when I was around 7ish from my Uncle for Christmas..). I was planning on selling my old one, it was a decent set.. Instead I gave it to my mom's friend's son who was autistic, but LOVED me because I was a drummer and he wanted to be one too.. So as a thank you, he gave me this little red snare drum that he had.. I felt so damn awesome and planned on keeping that thing forever. I had been driving my parent's car at that time while mine was in the shop, so I put it in the trunk for the time being.
Well a few days later my dad got pissed at me for some stupid reason or another, and ended up smashing it on the concrete. So.. yeeha.
diablo29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
YES!! My dad was at a mets game in the mid 80's. Its the third inning and who else comes BILL MOTHERFUCKING MURRAY! He sat down next to my dad. My dad said it was the only time he was star struck. Bill came late to a mets cubs game where the cubs were losing and he was trying to rally them. My dad sadly can't really remember to much of it but he told me that him and Bill shmoozed a little and talked about the Mets and New York and such. My dad told me that that Bill was with his family so he didn't really bug him, which brings on the best ending. At the end of the game, Bill said to my dad something along the lines of "Thanks for be the coolest fan of mine." My dad was so fucking lucky.
cookiehead_jenkins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a teenager (mid 1980's), I worked at a music store. We sold and rented musical instruments and equipment. I got a phone call from a man who found one of our rental clarinets in its case at a bus stop. He told me the name of the person who lost it - there was a name on a sticker inside the case. He asked me for an address so that he could return it. There was no way in hell I was going to give a stranger the address of a pre-teen customer and her family. That would be a violation of privacy and a potentially dangerous situation. I asked him to bring it to our store and let us get it back to the student. He did. So I called the house of the young lady (probably 11-12 years old) who lost the clarinet and spoke with her mother. I explained the situation and gave her our store hours so she could pick up the clarinet. She yelled at me. Said I was wasting her time and that I was a moron for not saving her from the trouble of having to drive to our store. She said I should have given her address to the man who found her daughter's clarinet. Absolutely rude and completely angry. It never occurred to her that giving her address to a stranger who might show up when her child was alone might be a bad idea. I was trying to be smart about it. I was only 17. She made me feel like a horrible person and I never got to explain my reasoning to her. Her child's safety and her family's privacy mattered to me but she just thought I was stupidly inconveniencing her.
RickSebastian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Can't possibly top the inspirational ones in this thread, so here is a bit of silly fun. The tl;dr is: Technically, I am stuck on the Game Grid from TRON.
The story requires a bit of set up, and frankly might not be very interesting to anyone who a) has never been to Disneyland and b) isn't old enough to remember the People Mover ride, but here we go.
The People Mover ride was an attraction of connected "cars" that ferried Disneyland guests above and around Tomorrowland. When it was built in the 60's, it was designed to be an example of a futuristic mode of automated travel that we might see someday. It was fun, relaxing and frankly, a great way to get off your feet and into a bit of shade while still enjoying the park. Often times during the 80's, it didn't have a line, and cooler ride operators would let you stay on when you got to the end of the ride.
It never stopped for loading, which was the point. It entered the loading station and continued slower with a moving walkway to allow passengers on. It paralleled the Monorail tracks for a portion, would go through the 360 Circle Vision Theater and, the Adventures Through Innerspace Ride (which was later turned into Star Tours, which it still went through) as well as Space Mountain. It also went through a cool "movie" tunnel.
In the 70's it was called "The Super Speed Tunnel" and featured projected images of Formula 1 cars driving by you on the walls and up to the ceiling, with powerful fans hidden below the track, which combined gave the illusion of going at "super speed".
When the original TRON film released, the ride was rebranded as including a trip to "the Game Grid of TRON", which for those of us who loved the movie when it came out was frankly awesome.
As you approached the tunnel, The Master Control Program came over the rides speakers, ordering you to turn back or to be pulled onto the Game Grid. Otherwise, the conceit was the same; fans and images from the movie were projected on the walls and ceiling, giving you a sense of immersion. It started with Flynn's trip through the laser, followed by flying over the Game Grid and into an I/O tower. Later you were chased by tanks and Recognizers, which the film was edited to have them stop at the first tunnel exit so that it lined up with the gap between it's landing struts.
In the second tunnel, you were were in the midst of the Light Cycle Battle. All of the first person POV shots from the movie were used which, when projected the way they were around a circular room, were quite exhilarating.
After you "escaped" through the last tunnel, the MCP came back on the speakers to declare, and I remember this verbatim: "You have escaped TRON's Game Grid for now, Users! But take heed! Next time you may not fare so well..." (When you are 12, love Sci-Fi and have a vivid imagination, this was pretty sweet, each and every time you rode it. Until...
Flash forward to the early 90's. I'm older. My brother and my girlfriend and I all have annual passes to the park. We live minutes away so we go a lot. The People Mover is still there and is required riding each time we go, especially at night, when Tomorrowland was aglow in neon and, the stars were out and cover bands decked out in space-themed outfits would play 80's hits on a nearby stage.
The tunnel approaches. At this age and after countless rides, you repeat the words as you approach the tunnel. And then, the ride stops.
Just before the mid point of the two tunnels, the ride comes to a stop. This is not an uncommon occurrence, especially when the ride operators would let a disabled patron on the ride they would have to stop it, but it would start up quickly. Not this time.
After about ten minutes we began to joke that we would be stuck on the game grid. After 30 minutes we were really having a laugh. After an hour, ride operators showed up and lifted hidden hand rails from the edges of the track and escorted us backwards through the tunnel, along the ride track to Space Mountain, where we took an emergency stairway exit back into the park. It was then that we realized: The MCP had won and we had "not fared so well." We were stuck on the Game Grid.
Sadly, they shuttered the People Mover when Tomorrowland got a make over in the 90's, and the ride that replaced it, the Rocket Rods, using the same track, didn't even last a year because it always broke down.
So, technically, I am posting this to you from the Game Grid. The Glowing Water is delicious, I am a Blue Program and fell in with the rebels when CLU went all haywire a few years back. Miss seeing the DJ's at the End of Line Club after it got derezzed. They played some great sounds.
EDIT: Found video of the tunnel. It doesn't really do it proper, but you get the sense of it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How I met your mother.....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Amazingf fucking story tellers.
Buttagood4you ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll give this a try.
It was Summer 2012. I was still working at Starbucks and I had a pretty great life. I had friends, family, a job, extra money. It was great. I went to another Starbucks where my good friend (lets call her A) works at. I go to the counter and I see the girl who stole my heart. Lets call her M. She took my order and I played it cool like it was whatever. days later Im hanging out with A and another friend and I comment to her how I thought M was really pretty and that she was cute. Didn't think much of it.
But then during the summer, A texts me and tells me that shes been talking to M about me and she showed her pics of me and was saying how similar we both are and how she thinks that we both should go out one time. So I'm scared and nervous and all the jitterbugs just because I felt like she was really pretty that she wouldnt go for a guy like me. (I'm an average looking guy, my teeth were messed up and I felt so self-conscious about them) But anywho, days go by and out of nowhere, A texts me with M's phone number saying "She said you can have it."
So I text her later that night and we start talking getting to know one another just basic stuff. Eventually after a week or two we made up a day to go out somewhere. And at first I didnt know where to go. I thought ice cream somewhere special. But I wasn't sure how M would feel about it. Eventually we decide Ice Cream in Santa Cruz and I pick her up and she just looked so pretty. We said hi and we talked and again, asked each other basic questions about each other and got to know one another. I was enjoying the Date already.
As we approached Santa Cruz, I didn't know where exactly what ice cream shop to go so out of nowhere, I decided to Park by the boardwalk and immediately we just decided to go there instead. So we walk around checking out the rides and games they offer. We buy a few tickets to get on a few rides. Shortly After, she says "lets go to the beach and play with the water" I was really shocked to hear that, I didn't know how to react only because the girls who I hung out with were very girly and never wanted to do anything ... outgoing or spontatious to an extent. going to the water was not one of them. So I went there with her and we took our shoes and socks up, rolled up our pants and played in the water. I felt such a moment of clarity enjoying something like with somebody like her. I didn't expect it and I really enjoyed it.
We enjoy the rest of our day at the santa cruz beach board by eating funnel cakes and going on different rides we went to. We talked, we laughed, we shared stories and overall i had an amazing time with her. Best first date ever.
Time went along and we continued to text, but it was only after our 3rd hangout that she wanted end things. She wasnt good on how she went about it but she still talked to her ex and things weren't exactly over over with him. I didn't accept it as first and continued to be friend hoping she could she I can be a great dude she can be with(The ex cheated on her and treats her like shit from what i heard from her, A, and their coworkers) Time went on and I still stuck around knowing I wasn't going to have a chance but I
brb
bluefishredditfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Oh... man!
So I know this gnarly dude who could fill this page with his life story and entertain the FUCK out of you all! im really bummed Ill never get to convince him to do so because a) he doesnt have a computer in his house and b) he is WAY to humble and wouldnt want to do this. I mean he'd tell his stories as they came up, but not a planned out event to type them out. So I will attempt to re-tell some stories he told me, because I can. I apologize for butchering these in advance.
So I took this seasonal job on this cattle ranch near Santa Cruz, California USA. Sweet fuckin place right. Redwood trees, creeks, trails, cows, critters like deer, quails, turkeys, mountain lions. There was also some farms, tree harvesting plantations, watershed study locations etc etc. There was no cell service, shitty internet, and big fucking barn packed with tools, cats, and chickens. The whole works. If you've never explored the California coastal territory and have the means to do so I highly recommend you check it out.
ANYway, the mechanic on this ranch is this big burly dude, super friendly, really smart and we get to working together on some projects and each time we work some crazy story of his comes out.
Well it turns out that this dude grew up in California near the big wave surf spot called Mavericks before it was super famous and has participated in some gnarly shit. He grew up in a town that was planned out to host a lot more tourists than it actually ended up hosting, so in the early construction days the roads were huge and made of dirt. His mom wasnt the soberest of people, and when this happened he would take her car keys and go drifting around town in this old ass heavy car on dirt roads that were like quarter mile tracks. I mean these were so new in the construction phase that they had no asphalt or paint or center divider except for the concrete gutter wall to direct water on the the inside of the road. Hes like twelve or something! Drifting big heavy cars in the 70s! Never got in trouble, no one stopped him.
He was part of the generation who basically invented skateboarding. The town they lived in had these rich people who paid for this road to go up into the hills so they could have a view. And then the houses filled in down from the ridge line because the road was there. So when they started skating in the summer (the flat season, fall and winter is surf season most of the time) they'd bomb down these massive empty roads from the hills to the beach. This was before there were rubber wheels. They skated on clay wheels, bombing hills in bare feet on skinny wooden boards that they had to drip parafin wax on for traction!!
At one point this one house collapsed on the long road up to the ridge. So they built the worlds first vert ramp out of the damaged house (like a quarter pipe, but really big and out of old scrap wood according to this guy's story) and would go flying down this hill, pushing 50 mph on homemade down hill skateboards (which is a serious fucking speed, like I've hit 22 on this tiny, short little road that had a speed trap at the bottom on a modern day downhill board, you know. No pads or anything, and I was scared shitless! You try it) hit this vert ramp to stall, and then (if they stuck the landing on the ten plus feet of air they got) they'd come down and hook a u turn and continue bombing down the hill! On clay wheels! In bare feet!! On a skinny wood plank with rollerskate bearing on it!!!! WTF!!!!!!
Ive been told some other stories about big wave surfing all over the world, working for an airline food delivery service (he was the first new guy on the crew in 22 years, can you imagine the inside jokes!!! could make a sitcom of that shit), moto cross victories, chainsaw incidents, tree felling shenanigans, and tons of surf stories. Basically, I belive that this guy deserves some credit for being awesome and pushing the boundaries of what was possible in a time when technology was allowing people to do so. The first skateboards, the first dirt bikes, the first fiberglass surfboards. And also in a time when people didnt have to photograph every god damn thing, they just went out and did it for the thrill and didnt care about having the picture to prove it. They didnt need that 21st century shit.
I believe these stories because I work with him everyday and have learned that he's the most humble, honest guy ever, just very excitable, and really draws experience from his past to deal with the shit the present throws him. I recently was given the great honor of visiting his home and enjoying a bbq with his family and that was an experience in its self. If I was better at telling stories (because I believe storytelling is a very valuable skill) I'd post more.
TL;DR I know this GNARLY hilarious and awesome dude who should post his life story here for the entertainment and edification of all (yes, i know thats not a word, deal with it) but he never will and I've enjoyed every moment of his entertaining stories so much that I simply had to tell someone about this guy. Local Legend for sure.
alison_bee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
shit here's my (possible) time to shine!
reddit introduced me to my current boyfriend! well, actually it was /u/AWildSketchAppeared (: I randomly commented on something he said and a random guy commented on my comment. now, here we are a year later, best friends and in a new relationship. thanks reddit!! <3
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:19:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
alison_bee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wish I could tell you, haha. it was a random thing that happened that ended up being amazing!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I'm working grounds crew of a sports park and we're outside tending to our enormous flower pots and we find a praying mantis which were actually pretty common around the park. We put it in a makeshift flower pot trap and cart it around with us during the day occasionally feeding it bugs. Then later we find another one amongst our potato vines, so we capture it too and decide that at the end of the day we're gonna take them to the dump lot and have them fight.
So the boss pull up in his cart and asks us what's with the flower pots and we tell him about our mantis fight and he tells us to look for another one for him. So it's about 1:00 and we decide to start actively searching for another Mantis. Turns out they love sweet potato vines cause we find a third one. We call the boss up and let him know that we found him a competitor. Quitting time is usually about 4:00 because that's when the lot opens up at game time. Boss pulls up to us in his cart at 3:15 and says something along the lines of "let's head in early and fight some Mantis."
So we unpack our tools and head out to our dump lot to find an arena for this Mantis fight to go down. Eventually we choose a large trash bin and we put them in and watch them go at it. My partner's Mantis won via decapitation.
SemSevFor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am a terrible addition to society. I've got some mental health disorders and I seem to hurt everyone around me. Although I didn't always know this.
I live in a small town, everybody knows everybody. So when I sleepwalk and wake up in someone's backyard, they aren't freaked out too much. Anyway one morning I wake up to some new guy who was visiting town. I'll call him Jim. So Jim and a neighbor wake me up and tell me to go home. I head home to find out there's been an accident. Part of our house caved in, luckily my family was safe but we had to stay at a hotel for a few days while it's fixed.
The next morning I'm late to the bus stop and stressed(High school senior). I explain what happened to my friends and we have a smoke while waiting for the bus to take us to school. A new girl moved to town and is in my class today as well. She's pretty. Let's call her Greta. I can't get up the nerve to talk to her so I just smile and she smiles back.
I decide that I will try to talk to her tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes we find out school's been canceled due to some pipes bursting or something like that, I'm fuzzy on the details. On my way walking home I see Greta being harassed by these assholes waiting with her at her stop. I step in and offer to walk her home which she of course accepted. We get to talking and I embarrassingly start telling her about my mental issues(not a great topic to impress someone with I know, but I was nervous as hell!) Anyway I end up asking her out(great time for that, right?) and she surprisingly said yes! I'm so happy. My life is starting to look up.
That's when this asshole Jim comes back into the picture. Turns out he's some kind of motivational speaker visiting our school and he starts spewing all this crap at all of us. I'm furious so I go tell him off in front of everyone. And my teacher gives me detention, what a bitch. The kids all cheered for me though as they were trying to drag me away from the microphone.
Over the next few weeks things take a turn for the worst. My favorite teacher was fired, another teacher told me he didn't want to talk to me. Greta stayed with me through it all. I was really starting to fall in love with her. She's concerned about my mental health, but who isn't? Everyone thinks I'm a nutjob, my parents, my shrink, my teachers. The one teacher that didn't was just fired. Life is getting pretty shitty. In a fit of rage I went over to Jim's house one night while he's out and I set it on fire. Burn that thing to the ground. Most of you are probably thinking I'm a dick right? Well guess what, they found out this guy was a pedophile. While sifting through the burnt remains of his house they discovered a mountain of child porn in his basement. This guy deserved it, what a freak.
So now it's Halloween, I got off scot free from burning his house, no suspicions on me! My sister and I decide to throw a party while my parents are out of town. Greta comes to me crying that her mom was assaulted by her dad(long story) so I console her. She's done so much to help me I had to help her. She's so distraught she decides now is the best time for us to have sex for the first time. I didn't want to take advantage of her, but she really wanted to, I couldn't say no. Afterwards I take off with some friends of mine and Greta.
We're just hanging out when suddenly those bullies from before jump us. They've got a gun and tell my friends to split. They do...jerks. The bullies hold me down and Greta tries to pull them off me. They push her into the street and she falls down. This is where it gets really fucked up. A drunk driver comes down the road and runs Greta over. Her last words were her screaming my name out. The bullies are freaked so they take off running. They left their gun which I grab. I am pissed. This guy just destroyed the only thing I had left in my life. He steps out of the car trying to apologize but I just raise the gun and pull the trigger. Gets him right in the left eye. His friend also takes off running.
Words cannot describe how I'm feeling at this point. I put Greta in the car and start driving. She's dead, there's nothing I can do at this point. I drive out to a good lookout spot outside town. The sun is starting to rise. This is where I have my realization. Everything I touch gets destroyed. Life hates me, I have nothing. If I didn't exist, everyone's lives would be better. Greta would still be alive, Jim's secret would still be a secret(although better for society I guess that it isn't), my family wouldn't have to constantly be worrying about me and my issues.
It's at this point I know what I have to do. I time travel back to the beginning of all of this and instead of sleepwalking, get crushed by the jet engine.
freet0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think this is the third one of these I've missed now.
Does anyone have a "whats the story you wanted to tell in the 'whats the story you wanted to tell?' thread?" thread?
DexterTheSeawolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm my college mascot, and I would love to be able to tell my stories about mascotting.
shadowzawfsinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had won my school science project got selected to represent in the inter-school competition. So The competition day, I go with my project to the venue(which was another school). I find my spot in a class and set up my project. After a while I see a cute girl come and sit right next to me with her project. Since I was shy and awkward I just get nervous and keep quite, and dont speak to her. But then she initiates a conversation with me and asks about stuff. Long story short, We become friends. Between conversation I find out that she is a girl scout. Towards the end of the day while packing up my stuff I ask her if she would be coming to the state camporee to which she says yes. That gets me excited. Cause I never thought I ll see her again. And We dint have cellphones and shit during that time. Finally I say goodbye to her and come back home. I remember how shitty I felt cause I wont be seeing her the next day. It was an instant crush.
After a few months, the camporee day comes. And offcourse after waiting for so long for this day, the first thing I do at the camp is search for her. There were way too many people so she is hard to find. I ask my friend to look for her. So we search all day for nothing. At the end of the day, there is a camp fire where all the boy and girl scouts gather. So I tell myself this is a good opportunity to find her. So i look through the crowd. And for a split second I thought i saw her in a yellow jacket. Suddenly my friend says he saw her in a red sweater in another place. Now I am confused. The girl in yellow jacket disappears again in the crowd. The day ends with disappointment. The camp is 2 days long. So I tell myself, Tomorrow my friend.
And tomorrow comes. I start my search again. After 3 hours of searching, around noon, during the lunch time, I see her! I know its her, the moment i see her. But now I dont have the courage to go talk to her. (yeah I was a pussy). I start feeling weak in my stomach just by thinking of going and talking to her. But then I tell myself, this is the only chance I'll get! So I man up and go to her and say ''Hi'' and all i get is a puzzled look. I get nervous and ask '' umm remember me? We met at the science exhibition?'' She says ''Umm no. I dont know who you are.'' And that hurts like a bitch. I feel so down. I just slowly walk back and sit in a corner. A lot of questions come to my mind. Why did she do that? Does she really not remember me? What the hell? After a while, I carry on with my day with my grumpy face. The end of the day comes. At this point I am hopeless and frankly I din't even care anymore. And the campfire happens. Then I just think of going home. So I just grab my bag and start walking out all depressed. Suddenly just as I reach the gate, I hear a voice calling my name. And It's her! I am kind of annoyed at her but still listen to her anyways. She explains me everything. Turns out, and I shit you not, she has a twin sister. And she is the one who I talked to the previous day. She gets confused and later tells it to her sister what happened. And My crush, tries to find me everywhere but could not cause of my stupid face buried in some corner. So then we catch up a bit. And she hugs me. Being the awkward guy I am, I still could not do shit. And just awkwardly say bye. Never to have seen her again. I wish I was not that shy. I wish I had find a way to keep in touch with her. She was a nice girl.I wonder what she is doing now...hmm.
Tl.DR- Have a crush on a girl who I meet at a science exhibition. Then I again meet her in a scout camp, but she does not recognise me cause it's actually her twin sister.
Gravedigger5000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
have plenty of "that guy/girl" stories but the one I'll share in particular doesn't exactly come with a negative connotation...just kind of weird. In 2010 The xx played the That Tent in what was effectively the Thursday night headlining spot. I was having my own "fun" and posted up for Local Natives << Neon Indian << Temper Trap << The xx and moved progressively closer to the stage until I was on the rail while getting separated from my group (how I didn't have to pee or whatever is beyond me, Bonnaroo!) Anyways, I'm about 6 foot 1 and have no problem letting shorter people in front of me as long as my view is still unimpeded. That evening there were plenty of lovely ladies flashing me in exchange for my spot. I would've moved either way, but hey, free boobies. So The xx come on and I had been chatting with this one chick and the bass from the band is just overwhelming. This was when The xx only had the debut album so they kind of had to fill time. One way in which they did that was with the DJ/beat dude just laying on a reverberating bass effect for a solid minute. The girl, obviously rolling titties, grabbed my hand and squeezed while convulsing wildly. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head until the DJ dude layed off and she swung forward into my arms. As she panted trying to catch her breath she managed to whisper "I just came" into my ear. For some reason my altered state didn't connect the whole brain to lower extremity desires and all I could muster was a long and sarcastic "Bullshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit". I turned and walked out realizing I had been without my friends for hours. TL;DR - This girl hand raped me at Bonnaroo 2010 during The xx and it was alright.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work with young developmentally disabled people. One morning I noticed that one of our students "Sheila" has what appears to be blue gum sticking to her jeans. I say "Hey, Sheila you've got gum on your jeans." Her best friend corrects me "No, that's a Fruit Loop." At this point I become distracted and assume Sheila will remove the blue Fruit Loop, herself.
About two hours later we take our entire group on a walk to the Pier it's a nice day out. I'm walking several feet behind Sheila when I notice THE BLUE FRUIT LOOP still stuck to her jeans! "Sheila, you still have cereal on your pants!" The group turns to look and at that moment Sheila picks the cereal from the back of her jeans then casually puts it in her mouth. The entire group goes quiet for a moment in disbelief-then suddenly everyone is cracking up, including Sheila. Uncontrollable giggling ensued.
Roaven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's a really shitty story, but it was probably the thing I'm most proud of in high school. So, I was in history class, sitting in the group that I tended to hang out with in that class. For the sake of the story, I'll call the two relevant members of the group B and A. So, my main fun tricks in high school were theft and blatant lies. The former I mostly victimized someone else with, as he was chronically absent that year, Junior year, of high school, and I always would feed the class really BS reasons(wisdom teeth coming out, arrested for truancy, kidney removals, etc) that they were willing enough to eat up, but I digress.
So, I saw that B had his hoodie off and laying next to his desk, or thereabouts. No one was really paying attention to me, so I grabbed it, and, seeing A's backpack nearby, I opened up one of the pockets he didn't use and stuffed the hoodie inside. Cue lunch several classes later, which I shared with them both, but didn't sit with them. B comes over and accuses me, more or less, of stealing his hoodie. I shrug and say that I didn't steal it, but I think I saw A put it in his backpack, walking over to the table where A was sitting. B of course demands that he search A's backpack, despite A's vehement denial, and so he does, finding the hoodie tucked away. Leaving it to the two of them, I stood up and walked away while B started yelling at A for stealing it.
gotsmartz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I run an iPhone repair company. A girl got drunk and put hers in a toaster! It will never work again. End of story.
maui_wowee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think everyone could easily answer this question in a true and simple form: your life's story. We are all 'dying' to tell it.
alfave589 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So in high school, we had a 10 minute break between 2nd and 3rd period, and around that time I usually need to go poop. So there I am, doing my business, when I realize... no toilet paper. My first thought was to use those toilet seat covers. Nope, all gone. My next go-to thing to do was to James Bond it over to the next stall. Luckily, there were no other people using the bathroom at the time. However, there was no toilet paper or seat covers there either. The clock was winding down and I had to get to class in less than 3 minutes, so I did the only thing that I could. I opened my backpack, reached in, took out binder paper, and wiped.
AlexanderHouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A little late to the party, but I'll post it anyways. A few years ago, I was smoking a cigarette, waiting for my shift to start when a homeless guy asked if he could have a smoke. I was running low and was very strapped for cash at this point in time so I told him it was my last one. He knew I was lying, and I felt bad, but he didn't push it and went to go sit on this grassy knoll area in front of the building.
Then this tall, blonde woman carrying a bunch of abstract paintings walks up to the homeless guy and says "Joe, I'm sorry, but you have to go. You know I respect you as a human being, but this is where I'm holding my art show and you can't be here." Again, he looks pissed, but clearly doesn't think it's worth the argument, and moves again.
I'm watching her set up all these shitty paintings, warding anyone off who may ruin her precious art show and thinking "What a bitch." When ANOTHER lady comes up to the blonde artist lady and just starts ripping into her. I have no idea what their situation was but the second lady is just screaming at her, "Kristen! I am so sick and tired of your fucking bullshit! You're 30 goddamn years old! When will you grow up and start taking responsibility for yourself!? You have until tonight to get your fucking paintings out of my house and stop wasting my life and time!" and the artist lady just pulls into herself like a dejected rabbit as she holds back tears.
So me and Joe the homeless guy are just watching her with a combination of "What the fuck is happening here?" and "I'm kind of really enjoying watching this happen right now." So, I walked over to him, pulled out two cigarettes and my lighter and said "Joe, I'm sorry I lied to you. That was wrong." and we smoked a cigarette together while we watched this pretentious artist getting berated by someone she had pissed off.
TL;DR: Formed a special memory with a homeless guy as we watched an uppity artist get the ever living shit yelled out of her and it was magic.
Alternant0wl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Potato potato tomato tomato tomato potato tomato potato.
Magknum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
During prom my friend, let's call him Richard, spiked the punch with grey good vodka-- yeah there really weren't a lot of chaperons 2 manning the door and a couple on the dance floor "boogieing", so after he drank 2 straight shots of the alcohol, he got really fucked up. He ended up passing out in a chair next to his smoking hot girlfriend, let's call her Jami*.
I having had the punch before it was spiked, was perfectly sober at the time and I had this amazing idea to grab her, a couple of other pretty drunk friends and head out to the nearest diner, because Prom was such a bore. Jami had
somea lot of punch after it was spiked, and she was just as drunk as the next. Basically after we all had our meal, I paid for it and before long the drunk friends had to go home with a curfew, so that left me and Jami to talk out her problems with Richard. I realized how much a douche Richard was to her, and I thought to myself that he didn't deserve her. So me being the biggest asshole of a friend, I kissed her and she kissed back and we took this all the way to her place where we were met by a sweaty and very intoxicated Richard. We had a VERY heated exchange, which ultimately ended in a fist fight where I knew I HAD to knock him out or he would keep coming at me. I had so much doubt in my fighting skills due to me being a pretty skinny guy with no muscle to his bones, while Richard was massive like the type of guy who would be a jock, but wasn't close to being Athletic. We had a struggle until ultimately, Jami came up and knocked Richard out with her shoes. He fell straight on the ground and when I saw he did not get back up and we laying prostrate for 5 minutes, I lost my FUCKING mind. I thought she killed him and we vowed never to speak of this to anyone. Before long he rose and was so dazed that he fell once a again. We dragged him to her living room couch. And before she could say anything, I ran the FUCK out of there. He woke up remembering jack shit; Jami and I never spoke of this incident as if we had some sort of magical agreementTL;DR I tried to do the sex with my friend's smoking hot girlfriend, but got intervened by her drunk boyfriend and had a fistfight where we knocked him out and left him on her couch. Never spoke of it ever again until now.
*= Now to put some context, they were having their problems: him cheating once with some slut I think everyone fucked once, and her not being there for his events due to her extracurricular activities (We were in a band). So
icansnapmyfingers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My own. I grew up with a troubled past, tried therapy for a few years but it didn't work. I've thought of writing a book but never have. I someday hope I'll be able to share it and heal.
Buddhabluehonda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is my dads story from about 10 years ago. We had a raccoon that would get into our trash every night. One night my dad heard a sound. He ran outside and came face to face with the culprit. That racoon was perched on top of our fence about fifteen feet away from him. My dad started to walk towards it. The racoon began to do the same. Slowly they got closer and closer together until they where about a foot away and then bam! my dad punched the racoon in the ribs and knocked it off of the fence. Our trash was never disturbed again.
The_Fluorine_Martyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was once playing Risk with my cousin who apparently has astronomically bad luck. She rolled 3 dice twice in a row; she rolled six 1's in six tries. The probability of this occurring is 0.002143%, or 1 in 46656.
ChongoFuck ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:34:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once played War ( card game) and we got war x3
GoldenJoel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Here's mine:
I live in Atlanta, and I was taking a girl out on a date. She was pretty hot, but kind of an airhead. Still, I was having fun and we had spent most of the day talking at Piedmont Park. Dragon Con was going on at the time; itโs this big nerd con that takes over Atlanta, and this girl and I decide to walk around and look at all the costumes. We talk, flirt, etc., and eventually I decide to drive her home.
We walk back towards my car, which is parked in the public lots they have around the hotels. I get stopped by this raggedy homeless guy who, to my complete surprise, has a burger king crown upon his head. He was black, unshaven, but I remember he had quite the bright smile to him. This guy stops us and goes, โExcuse me sir, I am not a Homeless MAN but rather a homeless GENTLEMANโฆโ Already I like this. The thing about Atlanta is that the homeless are very typical. They arenโt violent or anything, but they do have the ability to really guilt you if you donโt give them some money. So, any homeless guy that really stands out usually makes me curious to hear their story.
I stop to listen to this guyโs story. He goes about explaining himself, โIโm not going to ask you for money to fuel any drug or alcohol habit, but instead Iโd like to bring your attention to my crown.โ He takes the crown off his head. He then proceeds to show me that heโs added to the crown, โYou see, any money I get is put towards my crowns here. I decorate these crowns and make them look exquisite.โ (I am making up some of the dialogue here, but he was really well spoken. I really remember his opening line and how eager he was to show me his crown.) โSo, I ask you if youโd like to help with my endeavors?โ By this time I have a HUGE smile on my face. I say, โYou know what? Thatโs something I can get behind.โ I reach into my pocket and give him whatever change I have. It wasnโt much, but he seemed appreciative and gave us this little bow. It was nice to see a guy, though obviously a bit cooky, who was pretty passionate about his weird hobby.
TWO YEARS LATER
I am with a bunch of my friends driving down Peachtree Street. Weโre making our way to Little Five for free comic book day. (All the comic shops in Atlanta got these shipments of free comics.) It was a normal summer afternoon, and my friends and I are yucking about while I drive us towards Little Five.
I catch a sight that grabs my attentionโฆ
On the sidewalk, I see this black guy in a bright silk purple suit walking with an eager stride. He sees a white dude in a business suit and lifts his hand for a high five. I shit you not, the two high five in midair like a fucking cartoon. What was upon the black guyโs head? A Burger King crownโฆ It was the SAME guy! Either he had saved all his money from his spare Burger King Crown investments to buy a really nice suit, or this guy had got some kind of job with his enthusiastic stories and requests. It was kind of heartwarming in a weird and awesome way.
tl'dr Homeless man asks for money to help decorate his Burger King Crowns. Years later, he is a successful business man in a purple suit somehow.
alexxxflorack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work as a home Health aide, and just this week the 80-something retired pastor I work with told me about a bar he frequented while in college, during the 60s. There were "performers" there regularly each night, and his favorite girl had a special act which consisted of ripping her pubic hair out and sprinkling it over the men watching.
jonvel7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Okay so I was 5 maybe 6 years old, and my dad and I went to the bakery. I remember we went to buy some candy when suddenly I my eyes gaze upon this weird contraption sitting neatly on the glass shelf. This thing was filled with water and had different platforms on different levels and a little wheel on top so you could move the platforms around.
My dad saw me looking at it and gave me a quarter and told me that if a could land that quarter on any of the platforms we would win a half a dozen donuts of my choice. He said he had tried like 20 times before but never had any luck.
So little all me got so psyched up about this, for 5 year old me this was my purpose in life, this was my mission, I had too bring honor to our family. So I put the quarter on the slot and then I saw it gently flowing down, going back and forth, back and forth. Time stopped for a moment as I watched it get close to one of the platforms I swear I could hear my heart beat. I prepared my self dor victory and failed miserably.
That day my dad tought me a valuble less... nah just kidding, pulled it of on the first try and bagged my self a half dozen of some delicious donuts. Definitely wasn't the last time I went home with a box of donuts, sadly the place closed. Still to this day my dad says it was my fault.
TL; DR: Won a half dozen donuts first try with only one quarter... bakery eventually closed.
ChongoFuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
*dozen.
jonvel7 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:34:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry non english speaker here
ChongoFuck ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:54:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No problem. Now you know for next time. :)
naughtyhegel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
that time i smoked crack. not exactly dying to tell it but it belongs here: i hung out with this guy at a telemarketing firm i worked at when i was about 20. cant remember how exactly i got talked into this but we did do a lot of drugs. his cousin was coming into town and he wondered if i would kindly drive her to the ghetto (he had no car) when she arrived and help her out. when she arrived, she did so with a baby, one that she fed alcohol. (keep in mind, please, this is not a proud story). to add to the not-proudness, my girlfriend at the time, a recovering cocaine addict, was also present, and.. nonplussed. so i drive to the ghetto with this crazy lady ive never met in hopes of drugs id never tried. we roll around mlk and main (u.s. citizens will understand, sadly, that mlk blvd. is the ghetto in many towns) for a bit; plenty of people walking around though its the middle of the night, all dudes, all eyeing us. by instinct, or because he was the shortest, she said "pull over." she rolled down her window and the guy pointed to a "park" (read: shitlot) we had just passed and told us to pull in there. i did as instructed and he walked over, too. so now i am in my car, away from streetlamps, and cannot pull forward in any evasive sense. but i guess 20-year-old self was a fucking idiot. in the green world everything is in increments of 5, this guy was selling 12 rocks, whatever; it didnt matter because apparently my strange companion had no money. homegirl starts taking off rings, "how much can i get with that?" and gives it to him, "what else you got?" (he still has the ring rookie fuckhead!) she takes out her earrings and gives them to him, he bites off a rock and puts it in her hand, then another. then homeboy reaches into the car and takes my roll of quarters off the dash, and my roll of dimes off the dash (finally i feel "oh, this isnt right," a little late) and takes off. im all "whelp, we got our drugs, time to bail" and switch to reverse. she climbs out the window (totally unnecessary) and starts chasing this guy yelling the n-word. remember, i cant pull forward, theres trees, and these two just ran into the ghetto, this n-word yelling stranger my representative. i comb blocks, and i am scared shitless. i cant just leave her, even though i feel she deserves it, because of freaky baby back at the trailer. i have to go slow, though; and all the guys who saw us pull in witnessed or at least heard what just went down, 5 or 6 people approached my car, i drove on but slowly. finally she comes running up, still pissed, i dont know where from or what happened, but we get the fuck out. on the way back, we punch holes in a pepsi can from under my back seat and smoke crack. she says we should do some before we get home because something something.
GirthyAfghan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:37:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I just read that. Just so you know and I know.
brontasaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was an undergraduate I was cramming for exams and at the college library late one night. There was no one else around, but being at the back on the third floor I figured that was fairly normal. When some of the lights went off, I guessed that was my cue to leave. Half an hour later I finally packed my bag, walked down three flights of stairs and came up to the front door... to find it locked. Now many doors have a latch on the inside that you can turn to escape if you happen to find yourself locked in the campus library at night... not this one. Freaken automatic doors. I tried prying them open but to no avail. I found one emergency access at the back, set off the alarm then ran like the wind. I heard the next day they were looking for someone who broke into the library the night before. I was wayy too ashamed to tell anyone that in reality it was me trying to break out :/
3leggedgoatdance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Actually just posted this somewhere else the other day but definitely been waiting to post it: In the summer between high school and going off to college, I moved in with a buddy of mine and his dad for the summer since my parents moved out of town. One particular evening, a group of us were going to a country concert about an hour away from home, and were planning on staying overnight at a cabin not far from the concert. After my friend's dad asked if my friend was coming home for the night and he declined, his dad also asked if i was coming home for the evening, to which I said I probably wasn't. After getting to the concert and tailgating the concert for a couple hours, however, I decide to sell my ticket to the concert and go back to my hometown to drop some acid that I had been waiting to take instead with some other friends.
After getting home and tripping for a little while, my buddies at the cabin call me and tell me they're having a party out there, and want me to come back. I head back to my buddy's dad's place (where I lived at the time) to get my car and belongings from inside the house, and when I pull into the driveway I see a beat up old gold sedan I don't recognize. With my friend's dad being divorced and known for having other women over from time to time, I assumed it was just one of his girlfriend's and decided to not think much of it and that I would sneak in and do my best not to disturb them. I could not have been more wrong.
After trying the front door and realizing it was locked, I head around the back of the house to the basement sliding door (I lived in the basement at the time.) The sliding door led into a weight room which was adjacent to the main section of the basement that I lived in. Upon heading around to the back of the house, I could see that the weight room light was on through the curtain that covered the door, which I also thought was strange, but given that I was still a little spacey from the acid I'd taken earlier I didn't think much of it.
What I didn't expect to walk in on was my friend's dad, balls deep in another guy. Within fractions of a second of realizing what was going on I'd already slammed the sliding glass door and was sprinting for the street to grab my other friend who was waiting on me and high tailed it out of there.
The kicker to this is that we always joked about my friends dad being gay (he was somewhat feminine and known for being kind of a pussy, especially hilarious contrasted to his son/my friend, who was always known for being a redneck)
Walked into the house with my buddy the next day, the dad and I made awkward eye contact for a minute and never mentioned it again. Weirdest summer ever.
TL;DR: Walked in on my friend's dad (who I lived with at the time) banging another dude while I was on acid.
TheWeaselsTooth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I met her in the basement of a hospital. Everything since has been straight out of a book.
ARCblooperreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My grandmother had Alzheimer's, and shortly before she passed, my Dad went to visit her in the hospital. She couldn't really talk, had no remaining memory at all, couldn't even feed herself. Anyway, my Dad wen to see her in the hospital, and as he was walking out she spoke up and said, "Wait," and my Dad turned around. Then came the last words she ever said to him, "I love you."
Stego_sore_ass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Year was 2001. I was in Australia for a year, travelling, and got to Sydney broke. I ended up sleeping on the floor of some fellow travellers house in a place called Darlinghurst (Suburb of Sydney). The place we were at backed onto a massive club called โThe Arqโ (not sure if itโs there anymore). Once a month, this place would film the Australian version of โTop of the Popsโ. When this happened, they parked a MASSIVE arctic truck down our shitty side street. This huge beast constantly pumped out exhaust fumes for 48hrs straight whilst the filming took place. Because of this we were offered, and happily accepted, free tickets to the club the night they would film so that we would be in the audience to watch the bands and artists sing (make up numbers).
I wore a number 7 Thailand top (all the rage in 2001 - $1 from anywhere in Thailand) and decided to write, in invisible ink, TWAT on the back. No one could see the โTWATโ in daylight, but in a night club, under the UV flashing lights it was there for all to see. Basically we got the front of the crowd of pre-teens (Iโm also 6ft 5), massively stoned and drunk, and danced like it was our last time on earth. They finished the filming of the show (2-3 hours, dunno, stoned). Bouncer then asked myself and group to leave the club. Everyone else stayed. I found out later that they had to film the whole thing again because, on the โfirst takeโ of the show, they could see my T-Shirt at the front of the crowd with TWAT written on it. We never got tickets again :(
peppermintpattii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was around Christmas time when a homeless man came up to my car and started telling me a sob story about how all of his stuff recently got stolen, including all of his sleeping bags and blankets (it was freezing at the time). As I scrounged up all of the change I had lying in my car's ashtray, I looked up and noticed there was a thrift store next door. I asked if I could buy him something instead of giving him change, and he said sure. I went in and beelined to the blankets, and I chose the warmest wool blanket I could find that happened to be imprinted with a giant tiger on it. When I came out with the blanket, the homeless man looked at and then back at me. And then, with the biggest toothless smile I have ever seen, he looked me right in the eye and yelled "I'M THE TIGA!!!!!" I don't know why but something about that moment brought so me so much joy, even now.
JamesBars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work for almost 3 years with a friend on a website that will make a difference to most bars in the US. When I went out to have another event to write about for the forum I found myself in front of one of the richest people related to this industry. That changed my view, my thinking, the elevation of my goals related to this project AND my life. I want it all and I want it now. Anybody able to help me? You the one that met a big fish...size of Bill Gates and can assist me to find the correct follow up?
Tsquared10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Little late to the party, but here it goes:
I went to a two year junior college in a very small town in the middle of nowhere. We had to make our own fun however we could. One day while our baseball team was away at games were trying to think of something to do. Me and another teammate who was redshirted decide to go out and ride dirt roads. It had rained the previous night so it was bound to be fun.
We pick up his girlfriend and one of her friends who I was really close to but I never manned up and made a move in her. So we go out in his truck and were riding around for a few hours having a good time stop for lunch and then head back out. Not 5 minutes after we left Subway we hit a spot, the tires caught hard, he over corrects and sends us off a small mound that ran the length of the road. The truck ends up flipping over twice. I was seated behind the passenger seat and during that time I just instinctively reached forward and wrapped my arms around the girl in front of me and the passenger seat. I later learned she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. We all get out of the car with no serious injuries aside from a cut on my arm.
Unfortunately for me the girl I liked credited my teammate for saving her life. The next day I have the "pleasure" of hearing about their threesome they had. I, being the nice supportive friend, never bring it up that I did anything to save her.
Fast forward to graduation a few months later, I'm not graduating but I go to see my friends one last time. Girl that I liked walked up to me before we all left and the last thing she said to me was, "I know you're the one who saved me in the truck," kissed me on the cheek and went back to her family. We haven't kept in touch much since then, but last I saw she was engaged and finishing her bachelors degree. I'll see if I can find the photos we have if the truck after the wreck.
EDIT: Friend kept the photos on FB. Just put them on imgur
http://i.imgur.com/ad4NzWd.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/fqri6hj.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/Yx7MfsL.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/YbsK4Cj.jpg
imeanthat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am dyin
Kariodude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ITT tl;dr
Soup_that_is_too_hot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago, I broke up with my significant other for cheating on me. I ended up telling my mom about it later that day and in order to console me, she told me that she had also been cheated on. My dad cheated on her with her sister. I can't fully remember the timeline but it was years ago. Before any of my siblings or I were born, I think. Anyway, they got past it and are still married.
She made me promise not to tell my siblings. She said I can tell them when she and my dad are dead. I have kept my promise, but I am dying to tell them. Reddit will have to do for now.
10vernothin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Officially burnt bridges with a former best friend today.
I don't and probably won't ever admit this, that's why I'm writing it here to alleviate some of the stress, but it hurts a bit more than what I can acknowledge. A different kind from heartbreak, a more empty one.
bassinastor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My gf just won $106 on lotto tickets, which was more than they had in the store. So she'll get it tomorrow.
thebabyslayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"This one time, on Reddit...."
goodthings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There's a sub for stuff like this, r/lifestories.
zeeveener ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Caronnoah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in December my girlfriend and I broke up. We dated for two years and it was honestly a surprising break up to me as I never saw it coming. Two weeks passed since then and I was still sorta at that lost staged. My friend invited me out with my twin bro to meet up with a couple girls to go to a club in Providence (RI). It wasn't far for me no more than 30 minutes but the three girls we were meeting up with drove from Boston. That is around an hour maybe two. I sorta went out expecting nothing fun the girl I was hooked up with (Alicia) wasn't looking to excited either. The night started we went into our first club and well it sucked. Paid like a 10 dollar cover and left quick. Second place we went to was anther 10 dollar charge and we spent our night there. It gets to like 1am we were like grinding and such at the club but ehh it wasn't real. The girls mainly the other two girls invite us back to a hotel to spend the night. Of course my two friend want to go and I am so like not about it still being heart broken but got forced to go as they were my ride. Arriving to the hotel I see two beds and I am so lost. The girls had this great plan of putting us three guys in one girls in the other. That idea was shot down quickly as my friends split with there girls. I was standing there like awkward and fuck just looking like I had no clue. Alicia grabs my hand and sits us on this huge window sill. A nice marble top a bit cold over looking downtown Providence. She asks whats up with me like why I wasn't happy. I explained my break up and she got so cute and cuddled up on me apologizing for this bitch ex girlfriend. She seemed to really care but wouldn't talk about herself. I managed to find out she had a boyfriend but he was a dick and treated her horribly. I explained to her like my life and we talked about EVERYTHING. We talked to 5am and then I knew I needed sleep so I laid on the ground as everyone else was passed out. Alicia looks at me and jumps right next to me. She went all types of little spoon for me. It made me feel loved and wanted and possibly the best night of my life. Nothing complicated just a night of talking and snuggling after a heart break like that made me rethink life. She is still with the boyfriend and he still cheats on her and abuses her. I still talk to her on occasion but I still want her even though I know it won't happen.
TL;DR: Night of my life meeting a girl that I might love.
joemachen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone else feel like they've heard these before?
mangopuddin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 9, my 4 year old cousin ran over to where I was playing with my Barbies all panicked.
"Mangopuddin! Look! What's happening?!"
When I looked up, I came face to face with a tiny little boner and a little boy about to cry. So of course after five minutes of me hysterically laughing, I told him he was okay and just don't touch it and it'll go away.
I can't wait for his wedding
Edit: okay I lied, after laughing I asked what he was thinking about and he said something completely innocent and I told him if he didn't play Ken, his bird would fall off.
bubbuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In the fourth grade, we had this short quiz (can't remember what it was on), but I remember this one particular question. It basically asked what was a logical number of days in a month. Some of the answer choices were 28 days, 30 days, 32 days and 35 days. If I remember correctly, the quiz was math based, so I though "Well there's 4 weeks in a month, and 7 days in a week, so 7 x 4 = 28. I chose 28, but apparently I was the only one in class to choose that answer! The teacher called me out on it, and embarrassed the hell out of 4th grade me. She also said "Really bubbuh? Tell me a month that has 28 days." Under the embarrassment, I couldn't. Out of the blue, about two years ago, I thought to myself, February! My teacher forgot that February had 28 days. Well there's my story, nothing educational, nothing special, and I bet it doesn't even compare to other stories on this thread, but just thought I'd share!
TL;DR: I should have gotten 1 extra point on a quiz back in 4th grade
reaperteddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday I went to a Lush store to drop some fat stacks on handmade soaps and the sales assistant hustled me into getting an arm massage with one of their lotions. She picked up my arm and set to it, failing to notice it was the arm with a GIANT GANGLION CYST on the wrist. The look on her face when she realized she wasn't pushing around a bone or something was priceless. Neither of us mentioned it as she kept up her pitch. I bought the fucking lotion because I felt terrible for making her touch it for so long.
MasterKaen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was in a musical in my school one year, and I got a ride from some of my older friends to the cast party. One of our friends was following us (let's call him Harry) because he didn't know how to get to the host's house. So anyway, we were driving to the house, and when we finally get there, the driver has to go into someones driveway and turn around so that he can park in the street. He goes into the driveway and Harry just keeps going closer and closer to the drivers car. Oh Harry, you are such a joker. This is when red and blue lights start to flash on what we thought was Harry's car. Somehow, while Harry was following us, a police car of the same model managed to slip between us and Harry. The cop pulls us over because the driver backed out of the driveway without checking his surroundings. So now we were silently waiting for the ticket in the car, and after a few minutes, when all hope seemed to be lost, the host's dad walks to the car, nonchalantly pats the driver on the shoulder, and says, "Let's see if I know this guy." Sure enough, after a few seconds of listening, we hear the cop shout, "Hey, host, long time no see," at which point, the host invites the cop to the cast party for a slice of pizza (the cop accepts.) I'm honored that I witnessed this happen.
Ariboo02 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Every single thing that ever happens to me. Half the time I just want to shut up, but I have this unstoppable need to share every semi interesting story with at least one person. I hate it.
LordClark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in the seventh grade I was the definition of an extremely socially awkward child and I happened to have an extremely awkward friend who we will call fat blond kid. Well being the seventh grade shit head that I was I went into the bathroom stall one day and wrote something along the lines of "Fat blond kid likes men" on the bathroom stall... I know very original but I was in the seventh grade and thought it was hilarious. The next day fat blonde kid was escorted into the bathroom stall by another extremely awkward kid and shown the slandering. Well as they were exiting the stall this popular basketball player walks in the bathroom and that is the moment when both of these poor kids social careers are ruined. Immediately these kids are referred to as boyfriends by the whole seventh grade. Jokes about these kids being gay for each other literally happened all the way through highschool. My friend ended up kinda having a hatred for the mysterious person that wrote he liked men on the stall because it literally caused him to get made fun of so much more than he would have normally and the other kid seriously moved schools in the ninth grade because he was tired of it. I still have told no one I wrote that about my best friend just trying to mess with him a little bit.
Itsnotironic444 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This could be really long but I'll try to make it quick. I was with a group of a kit 20 people from a bus trip in New York and we had a free night to do what we wanted. It was 9/9/1999. It's an easy date to remember. We saw Annie get your gun and then decided to go outside the MTV music awards show to see who we could see. When we decided to go back to out hotel we missed our train by 30 seconds. We all waited 20 mons for the next one. When we got to the next station it and shut down 5 minutes ago and we still had like 40 miles to our hotel. We called a cab company to pick us up but another cab company thought they should get our business. There were 20 taxi cars outside the train station with cabbies all yelling at each other. We finally got in a cab but then the cops showed up. Our driver had brass knuckles under his seat. They took him away. When we finally got back to the hotel we had 45 mins before the bus left for a full day of activities.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I threw a piece of bread into the toaster from across the kitchen like an 8 foot shot. When it landed my buddy walked by and slammed the bread in.
TL;DR Toast ally oop
Purple_Ace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My best friend and I were vacationing in Italy, Mestre to be exact, which is a suburb of Venice and is thus much cheaper for college kids to stay in. The first night we got there, we were wandering around the city center of Mestre, and these two gorgeous Italian guys stopped us and asked us if we were Americans. When we said yes, they asked us to go dancing with them. Why not? We were at the tail end of our semester abroad, might as well go out with a bang, right? We were under the impression that they were going to take us directly to the club, and then, if things went well, back to their place. Now, that is not what happened; they instead took us directly to their apartment. I got a sense of uneasiness because they didn't speak English very well and were talking back and forth and laughing, but they were cute, goddammit.
Once we got there, their apartment was in a really quiet residential area with very few people around. They led us up the stairs to what was very obviously a bachelor pad. I'm talking leopard print sheets on the couch. Then, they tried to separate us into different rooms, and we obviously resisted. They didn't take kindly to this, and one of the guys blocked the only exit with his leg. We then noped right the fuck out of there. Running through the streets of a quiet Italian suburb at night trying to find a populated area all while hoping that those creepy guys hadn't followed us is one of the scariest things that's ever happened to me.
TL;DR: almost got sold into sex slavery and/or had my organs stolen by Italian supermodels
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few summers ago I volunteered for a program called "Meals on Wheels". Basically they would make a ton of meals packaging them in aluminum foil containers and deliver the meals to elderly people who couldn't cook for themselves anymore. Usually these elderly people lived in an assisted living apartments so it was my job to find their room and deliver their meal. I had a lot of strange interactions with the people I delivered to, but there is one I'll never forget. It was only my second day of delivering when I ring this elderly women's doorbell and find myself greeted with a hug. She keeps going on about how glad she is to see me and how tall I've gotten. At first I'm really confused, but then I realize she's the confused one. This sweet old women genuinely believed I was her grandson visiting her. By now I'm very uncomfortable, but all I can think to do is go along with her and tell her how I'm doing in school and that I was glad I was able to see her too. My friend who was making a video actually got some of it on film. It was really weird at the time, but looking bad on it I'm pretty sure I made that women's day.
avengepluto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was driving from my home in South Carolina to visit my sister in central Florida when I got stuck in heavy traffic a few miles before the junction of I-26 and I-95. I was in the left lane, looking for an opening to get over to the exit lane to get on 95 South. I happened to look out the driver's side window when I spotted, lying in the grass about five feet from the asphalt, a huge, blue rubber dildo.
I had no camera with me and I was alone in the car, but naturally I wanted to share the wonder of the sight of that giant dong... so, I made a big show of pointing at it with my arm outstretched so as to catch the attention of the drivers behind me.
Did those beleaguered commuters notice it? Was there a long chain of cars creeping through the traffic jam with each driver pointing out to the next the blue monster cock? Did some brave, prurient soul jump out of their vehicle to scoop up the rubber dick while the rest of the car's occupants giggled nervously? Did some more prudish traveler stop her Chrysler, grab a white plastic bag from the floorboards, and step out to retrieve the offending silicone penis so as to keep it hidden from the innocent eyes of the children filling the minivan two car lengths behind her?
I don't know what happened after I pulled away from the beast, but I'd like to think that it was some lucky prison inmate- enjoying fresh air and knocking a few months off his eight year sentence with a little road work for the South Carolina Department of Corrections- who spotted the dildo, somehow smuggled it back into the big house in his pants leg, then sold it for a carton of cigarettes, all the while blessing his veiny, latex windfall.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
in Highschool I worked with the school tech head/sysadmin as a TA/ internship and had direct admin, network, and domain access to all the machines and grade databases on campus.
Needless to say, my transcript that got me into a great tech college, along with a few of my friends grades, might have been fudged just a tincy bit. Nothing like F's to A's, more like B's to B+'s.
Sherbery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was looking for a perfect reaction picture to send to my friend after she gave me some bad news. In my search I found a .GIF of the picture I wanted but I couldn't find the picture itself so I "Save Image" the .GIF hoping it would be the screenshot of the picture I wanted and sent it to my friend without even thinking about it. About 5 minutes later I get a text saying, "How did you do that?!". I check my texts and realize that the gif is playing perfectly in the IMessage text window and I pretended like I knew that would happen the entire time. I know I'm not the first one to realize this but in my circle of friends I am recognized as "the originator." For those that haven't tried this, "save image" this gif and then send it to a friend via text. I know it works fine on iOS7 I can't vouch for any other OS. http://m.imgur.com/ggdetCP . Because of this I and my friends constantly communicate via reaction GIFS. It makes daily texting hilarious..
tnkd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A little late to the party, but I think I can share a story here... My stint in the gay pornography industry.
So I was in between jobs, it was a tricky time, family, mortgage, the usual. I was in IT and started looking for simple Web Development gigs. Not that I was jumping at the first thing that came my way, but with some freelance stuff I was doing, I thought that I'd see if I could get something part time to make ends meet, and still have the time to spend with family and freelance work outside of all that.
So... fast forward to job time. I found one which was with a online swimwear retailer, someone that needed someone to manage their stuff, organise the distribution and facilitate with the web side of things. I thought to myself, may well throw the feelers out there and see whether it ends up being of interest.
So I applied for it and had an interview the very next day. Met the owner at a bar, relaxed interview, I thought to myself, oh this went really well. We covered the role, there was a need for some promotional video work and some product photography which might of included men / women on the beach, that sort of stuff. I was no photographer, but thought to myself, well a photos a photo and we can work the rest out after wards, so went gung ho into it.
Turned up the next week for the first day of work - we worked out of his apartment and he had quite a nice place. He showed me around, facilities, PC, went through the products etc, all of that was over really really quickly, like in 20 mins. Thats when the next part happened. He said that the retail part of the business was just more of a hobby, and he was actually more into adult films. He very delicately broke into the fact that he recruited male models and that he would proceed to pay them based on what they decided to do, then proceeded to show me his domains and the actual content.
So it turns out, the role that I signed up for had dramatically changed, into basically filming and editing the content, recruiting and supporting the actors. Needless to say, I didn't go back the next day. I did manage to get him to pay me for my time though in the end. As someone that thought he had seen quite a bit on the internet, that day was definitely an eye opening experience.
TLDR: Needed work, found what I thought was a cushy job, ended up with hardcore gay pornography, glory holes and deceit
hecklingheckler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking along a park on the Upper East Side and took a seat on a bench to relax. I look up and see a guy frantically talking on his phone looking out at the river and I got curious as he walked passed me. I heard snippets of his conversation and he was talking about following someone and how he needed help. All of a sudden 2 NYPD cop cars show up and surrounded me on my bench and the cops pile out. A couple go talk to the guy on the phone while one comes over to me. He starts asking me if I saw anything and asking me what I was doing there. Turns out the guy on the phone saw a guy in the East River and had called the cops while following him. I looked up and couldn't see anything so I assume that guy had drowned.
I got out of there real fast.
10 minutes later I stopped at another bench to ask a guy if he had a cigarette I could buy from him. He said "its free if you pet charlie". Seeing as he was alone and dressed in a big jacket I thought he was a sicko talking about his dick. I went into defensive mode and prepared for some sicko pervert attack and prepared to hightail it back to the cops. He must have noticed because he laughed and quickly unzipped his jacket. Clinging to his chest was a big old lizard that I think may have been an iguana. "This is charlie kid, dont freak out" he said. It was pretty awesome and we ended up having a pretty cool discussion about care and feeding of lizards over a smoke.
My time living in NY was full of random shit like that. I love that city so much.
grimiy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A super hot MMA fighter girl got nervous speaking to me...that is all boosted my confidence through the roof
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tonight I ordered pizza, and cheesy pullaparts with Apocalypdough: a special extra spicy crust the local pie place has. I'm eating that delicious cheese bread with some ranch (normally I hate ranch but these guys have a really good one) and my cat jumps up on my computer desk and is staring very intently at it.
I know she won't like it because it's spicy, so I figure she just wants to check it out, out of curiosity. So I hold it a little closer for her to sniff. She starts bobbing her head forward and back, I'm thinking like the smell offends her so she pulls away, but it's so intriguing she comes back.
After a couple bobs though, I realize the truth. She's gagging. I scream and torpedo away on my rolly chair because I REALLY hate cat puke. The husband is yelling at me to move her to a better spot but yeah right, I'm not picking up an actively barfing cat! Finally one tiny ball of barf rolls off her tongue onto the floor and she walks away like ndb. I couldn't find the barf ball to clean up though o.o
TLDR; cat so thoroughly disapproves of spicy pizza she barfs at me for having it in her presence
sharklops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One Thanksgiving we were all just eating normally around the table when all of a sudden my dad blurts out, "well, I've got a new name for my penis."
We all just tried to act like we didn't hear him but he kept going.
"Yeah, he used to be named Gregory... you know, like Gregory Pecker... Gregory Peck..er. Get it?"
Silent prayers it would end
"Anyway, I was watching a documentary on the Civil War last night and now his name is.. are you ready?...
GENERAL COCKSWORTH, PRIDE OF SOUTH CAROLINA."
We all lost it.
TimeAperture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What's up, I'm Sean and I love Electronic music. This is a story about my EDC weekend in 2013 at the Las Vegas Speedway.
In February of last year I was hanging out with some friends who I had not seen in a few months, and we got on the subject of adventure. Me being the music fan I am, showed them the EDC trailer for Vegas. Immediatley, my best friend Zach and Isaac jumped on board. Within the next month we had our tickets and hotel worked out. All we had to do was wait.
Fast forward to June, I drove from Sacramento(my home town) to Hollister, California where Zach and Isaac lived. We left on a Thursday morning for Las Vegas home of Electric Daisy Carnival. The greatest place for a music fan on earth. We arrive in the afternoon and wander the Las Vegas strip. We stay up pretty late smoking weed, and continue to do so when we wake up on Friday. We spend most of Friday watching the TV show Wipe Out, until about 5:30pm. We get in line around 6 and we wait for what's about to happen.
Day 1 of EDC- 7:00, The gates open! Zach, Isaac, and I stand over the festival in awe. After about 5 minutes I make a charge for the main stage, where I spent most of my night. Within an hour I lost Zach and Isaac, but it was ok because I knew they were having fun. Around 10 I decide to take a break from the continuous dancing, and I sit against a building staring at the fireworks shooting above the speedway. This is where I meet Ian. Ian and I begin talking about how great the EDM community is, and before we part he gives me 2 pills and says "knock these back". Me being the "Fuck It" type of person did so without hesitation. Soon after I realize they were just painkillers. I continued to dance through the night, but in a more drowsy/lazier way. I get a call from Zach around 2 and we decide to call it a day. We were wiped out.
Day 2 SHIT FUCKING HAPPENS- I awake the next morning to Isaac smoking a bowl to Wipe Out, which set the tone for the rest of the morning in the hotel room. We decide to hit the festival around 10pm, but this time we each did 2 hits of acid. This acid was double soaked blotter, high-grade stuff. We immediately take different routes to ensure we had our own adventures and experiences. I head to main stage after buying a shirt. After about 30 minutes I start my ascension towards the stars. Then I notice something weird. The song had slowed down and the crowd wasn't moving much, and this one person out the 100,000 people there was jumping up and down facing away from the stage. He is within arms reach of me and we make eye contact. "Jump with me,โ he says. So I do. Look at the sea of people," he continues. As I jump with this stranger I realize how huge this crowd is. This enormous gathering was all for the music. It was an amazing realization. We stop jumping after about 10 jumps, and he gets right in my face and says " Hi I'm Miles." I look into his black, dilated, colorless eyes and say "Iโm Sean."
Miles-"Where are your friends" Me-"I don't know" Miles-"That sucks. Why don't you hang with us all night." Me-"Sure"
And before I knew it I had met the rest of Miles' 7- 9 person group. Some one tells me, "we all go to Boulder in Colorado and we drove down for this." Which explained the really high college aged people I was talking to. Miles then asks my incoherent shell of a body. "Are you rolling?" I respond with โno, but Iโm tripping.โ Miles then offers me molly in a very large capsule with at least 4 points in it. And before I knew it, I had candy flipped, or done molly and acid at once. Avicii came on soon after that and I freaked the fuck out and threw my shirt, that I had walked in with, into the biomass of people. Miles soon started a dance circle. This is when I knew I was high. I am normally not as animated, but when it came my turn to enter the circle I WAS MOVING!!! Everyone's faces were twirling and I felt amazing as the world melted around me. Each new person that joined the circle made it bigger. Before I knew it 50 to 60 people were watching me dance, and by their reaction I was good. Within the hour Tiesto was on and I WAS PEAKING!!! I was wearing refractor glasses, peaking on acid, the crowd is going ABSOLUTLEY NUTS, and Miles is rubbing my scalp. If you have done acid or ecstasy at a rave you understand. My brain felt as if it had literally turned to mush. The light was burning a whole through my third eye as I rode lighting into a worm-hole. It was pretty fucking crazy. After I donโt even know how long, Tiesto was closing his set when one of Miles' friends say "Dillon Francis is starting soon we have to move." Each person grabbed the shoulder in front of them and we marched ourselves out of the crowd to another stage. We didn't walk a step. We danced all the way across the raceway to the other stage hugging and high fiving strangers all along the way. It was a wonderland of love and colors. Everyone was my favorite person on earth. We reach Dillon Francis and it is hopping. The graphics are trippy as fuck. One was Dillon Francisโ face photo shopped on a taco with cat legs. I was properly tripping face. Especially when this crazy sub heavy song came on. It was more sub heavy than the other songs, then it got crazier when it reversed at about half tempo. I lost it. All control of my body was gone, out the window. I COULD NOT MOVE! I was frozen and the only way I can describe the sensation was my soul was peeling away from my body. Miles' friend turns to me, keep in mind he is also very high, and says " Dude your tripping balls." I turn to formulate a sentence in response, and I just can't. Then it goes black.
TimeAperture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wake up on the floor of a hotel room. Miles and his friends are by the bathroom talking when it dawns on me. WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE???!!! Mind you I was still very high, but I regained some brain function. I ask Miles " Where are we." He responds with "Dude your at the MGM Grand." I retort with, โON THE STRIP?!โ. Miles simply nods up and down. The MGM Grand is 20-30 miles from the speedway where EDC is held. Miles' friend who had been leading us this whole time says "Zeds Dead is closing up today we got to go." So every one, including myself, take more molly and we head to the lobby where I expected a taxi or a shuttle to get us. Miles yells" Get in," as he holds open a limo door. The 9-10 of us pile in and we take more molly. The doses are still the same. By this point I have ingested at least 8 points of molly within a 6 hour period. This not including the possibility of me taking some in when I blacked out. We reach main stage where Zeds Dead closed day 2 of the festival as the sun rises over the desert horizon. It was the perfect moment. Miles and I look over at each other and he says "Sean, take care of yourself." I, a little choked up, say" Miles you too." We hugged and then the rest of the crew joined in. I told each of them I would remember them and I still do. Now came the next challenge.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE ZACH AND ISAAC???!!! Its 5am, the festival is done for the day, and I call Zach 6+ times with no answer. I call Isaac, no answer. My phones rings after about 30 minutes, and itโs Zach.
ME-"Zach where are you." Zach-"I have no idea dude." Me-"Any landmarks you can see." Zach-"I don't know dude, just come get me." Me-" I donโt know where you are. Meet me by the entrance we came in." Zach-"I don't know where it is."
This went on for about an hour until I walked about 2 miles chafed like a mother fucker. I found Zach and he found me at one of the entrances after walking half the perimeter of the speedway. Still chafed. Half the problem solved. WHERE IS ISAAC?! I call Isaac. "Where are you Isaac." He responds with "Dude Iโve just been watching the roof of my car morf in and out of its self for the last 2 hours." "We are on our way," I announce. We walk to the car and we each look at each other and we are all thinking the same thing,โ what a night.โ Zach had spent his night in the stands watching Major Lazer and Isaac seemed so "what the fuck" I never heard his side of the story. I told them what happened to me and they were astonished, as was I.
We were debating whether or not to go back for the last night because we were so worn out. Then Zach got a call from his brother who he had not seen for a number of years. He was at EDC as well, and he wanted to meet up tonight. I was really happy for Zach, so I was in. Turns out, Zach's brother was staying at the MGM Grand. We enter the room and Zach's brother is DJing and there is liquor all over the counter and drugs sprawled out on the table. We chat for a bit and Zach's brother says drugs are on him tonight. So he gives us each 2 capsules of molly. Each about twice as big as the ones Miles had given me. We head to EDC for round 3!!!
Day 3 Oh Fuck, My Body- Zach goes with his brother, Isaac wanders off, as do I. I'm standing there watching Knife Party raging my balls off when I feel a hand grab my shoulder and spin me around. Isaac had found me within thousands of people and stares me straight in the eyes. With a hand on each of my shoulders, he asks me with his pounding heart and eyes as black as the devil's soul "Are you rolling?" I simply respond "Fuck yes." And we start dancing our asses off. I had never danced so hard in my life.
TimeAperture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I then realize Calvin Harris was starting soon. So Isaac and I wander to the water tent with plans to go see Calvin Harris, and I start coming down like a hammer. My body was so worn out form the previous night. The only way to stay up was to take the second capsule, so I did. We head to Calvin Harris and we are having a great time. Then I start to get fucked. Everything is wavering in and out. Things are wavering within an inch of my face to 10 feet away.. And itโs only getting faster and worse. The whole world is swirling, and Iโm not really sure where I am. I begin stumbling around. Trying to get a grip, I start leaning on people. My heart is racing, and I know for a fact that I am going to die. Moments later I fall on the ground. I donโt think Isaac had seen me fall because no one helped me up. I stand up and reach for Isaac, who appears to be miles away, when in actuality he is 2 feet away. I manage to get my feet solidly planted on the ground and my knees locked in place. I grab Isaacโs shoulder and asked him to carry me out of the crowd. I saw each personโs expression as Isaac carried me out, and by the expressions I knew it was in bad shape. We sat against the building where I had met Ian the first night. We watched the fireworks and waited for Zach to meet us. It was as if I had come full circle. Almost completely sober to โHoly fuck, am I dying?โ It was a strange feeling, even when I was high. Zach finally found us. Zach and Isaac carried me out of EDC to the car. The whole time I could only think about how great it was to have friends like Zach and Isaac.
We get in the car and my body feels like shit, but Iโm pretty sure Iโm going live. While in the car, the need to tell my mother came over me for some reason. Still high, I call my mom.
Me-"Before you freak out Iโm fine." Mom-"Sean, what did you do this time." Me-"I took a little too much ecstasy and Isaac carried me out." Mom-"Let me tall to Zach." Zach-"He's fine and we'll keep and eye on him."
Then she talks about taking me to the hospital blah blah blah. I never went to the hospital. We went to the hotel, chilled, and went home the next day. That was the greatest weekend of my life. Going crazy with Miles was a lot of fun and Iโll remember for the rest of my life, but the fact that my best friends potentially saved my life and/or a hospital visit made it the best weekend ever. Stay lit bitches.
twiitar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was 1997 and my parents and I went from Germany to the Netherlands to spend some time in Amsterdam and the surrounding areas.
When we went to Delft to look at the famous Delft porcellain and where it came from, we were driving close to a town canal (gracht) and tried to reverse near it to change directions as we had got lost. Suddenly a large, black limousine appears and almost pushes us into the town canal. Whoever drove it didn't came out to excuse himself and the windows were all blackened out.
Guess who performed in Amsterdam the day after? Michael Jackson.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I tried suicide many times and never told anything to my family. In 2009 I went to a slum here in Brazil and I bought a pistol for R$ 300,00 (U$ 130,00). I took a taxi with a very very young man. The taxi driver tried to talk with me, but I didn't say anything. Ten minutes after the last conversation, I picked up the gun, put in my head and pulled the trigger but somehow the pistol don't fired. The taxi driver looked at me scared, took the pistol of my hand and called the cops. After a brief talking with the cops, they left me go and I walked to my house. sorry for my english, I'm trying to be better.
wombatmacncheese ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:16:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tomorrow can be better. You know it. The thought that it probably wont be is what tricks your mind into making it awful. nothing awaits you on the other side that is preferable to this it is no escape, it is resignation to worse things.You have the power to make it good. It is all in your head, the weights that hold you down. Think about what is stopping you from getting what you want in your soul. Thin about it, and decide if it is attainable in a good way. You may have to re-think your life standards. It is a process of growing, as a person. I know you have it in you to be happy, joyful, even. Pm me if you want, i've been there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:44:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much man, I really appreciate thaty apreciate that.
kaflowsinall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I moved to California when I was 18 years old, right after graduating from high school, to live with my "girlfriend" that I had known over the Internet for three years (and had met once before for two weeks).
It only lasted 28 days until I came home.
kiwiiwik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got about shot at by security guard in Cambodia when I was climbing over a hotel gate on the way out. I was high on rohypynol and dinintel and ketamine and had flipped out, hallucinated my friends had a cupboard full of automatic weapons (this was Cambodia in 1998, not entirely implausible) when in fact they were trying to offer me an umbrella. Guard shot at me with his ak47, I fell and fucked my face up big time and then I went to a bar, where I preceded to tell everyone that one of the people I was drinking with had tried to kill me. He was ex-ira living in Cambodia, running a security service, great guy but a bit scary, was less than impressed when I had to tell him that the whole town thought he had tried to kill me. Aaaaah drugs.
metagamex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Einstein knew his end approached. He offered no resistance.
He had seen his people oppressed, and he had seen them overcome. He had seen the germination of something truly beautiful.
When he was younger, he had pondered how men could be compelled to commit such horrific acts. Now he knew. He had stared into the inky blackness that resides in all men. That urge to defer to a louder voice. That part of man's subconscious that causes all men to walk in step with the beat of a drum. That weight that grips you in place in your seat when you know you should stand.
He had not mastered that impulse within himself. Looking upon that distilled hatred and cruelty afflicted him with nightmares every night. How could one regard it with a scientific air? No, it was something impossible to ignore; it had to be addressed, and it could not be addressed without it invading some part of his own psychology.
After decades of considering the question question, he developed an answer that seemed sufficient. There will always be men like that, who shout, who raise mobs. And to challenge men like that there must always be a protector, he reasoned. A champion. One in whom trust can be invested, who will never ever betray that trust. A paternal figure who always has our interests at heart, and who knows what is best for us even though we may not know it ourselves.
The nurse entered Einstein's hospital room and examined diagnostic tools to the side of the bed. She would see hardship and suffering. Perhaps more than most. But she would not suffer the same fate his people had. Measures... had been taken. She did not appreciate the measures that he had taken. He seized the nurse's arm.
In German, he asked her "Could you imagine a world without war? Could you imagine an end to the madness?" Her eyes, full of fear and trepidation, locked on his; she didn't speak German. Einstein barely knew who he spoke to though. The nurse's lower lip quivered. Einstein searched her eyes, but saw no understanding. He muttered 'Hail Hydra' and died.
CraazyKat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Over my winter break, I had the opportunity to volunteer at a special needs orphanage in China. It was honestly one of the best experiences of my life, so far.
Time to give a little background info:
At the orphanage, the group I was involved with had two shifts with the kids. One was in the morning, where we spent time in a large room, akin to a cafeteria, to do arts and crafts, play music, and just have fun. After several hours of strenuous labor (those kids loved to run around, especially be on shoulders and be ninjas/army men), we were able to rest for a couple hours. Then we went into their homes for the afternoon. Their homes are similar to foster homes. There are around 10 children in a home, maybe more, and are ranged from infants to 14 years old and, I believe, they are placed in the home based on their disability.
I am currently engaged to a nine year old. He treated me as if I was his princess. There was this nine year old boy, with downs syndrome, who loved to act like a ninja, or something of that sort, and "attack" all the guys, even some girls, on my team with hand gestures. One of the days we had in the cafeteria style room, he started to attack me, which was fun. I would fall to the ground and pretend to be dead, then try to get up and he slashed at again. On that day I was wearing a shirt with realistic Mario, Peach, and Yoshi. I think that is where he came up with the notion that I was a princess. He stopped attacking me at that moment, grabbed my hand, and started to dance with me. Over the course of the next couple mornings, he would kneel down, grab my hand, and kissed it. After kissing it, he would say something, which went over my head since I only speak English, not Mandarin.
When he started treating me like a princess, around four other boys did the same thing. They would lead me around, take me to a chair, which they would pull out for me (how gentlemanly), and all that stuff. Apparently, one of the times this young boy knelt down to kiss my hand, he said "I love you" and put a little ring on my finger (it was a fuzzy pipe cleaner that was in the shape of a star). He kept this going for the rest of my time I was there. He was/is an awesome little guy. I hope I made his week like he did mine.
My next story tugs my heart every time: (he got jealous of my "fiancรฉ")
My little monkey, he was my ultimate little buddy while I was at the orphanage. It's hard to not grow attached to the children, but it cannot be helped.
I am unsure as to what the medical terminology for his condition is, there are two things, but I do know that it has to do with his heart.
On our first meeting, he proceeded to shoot me down with a Lego gun and showed how "strong" he was. So strong that he could "push me down", keep in mind that he is 6/7, and I am 18. Whenever my shirt would ride up, I would always have to pull it down, so after a couple times doing that, he started to pull it down for me. He was also the "hat police" as he called it, and took away my beanie, whenever I would be wearing it, but would always end up giving it back. He was a little sweetheart. Over the week he would always find me in the morning and grab my hands and either say: "shoulders", to be placed on my shoulders, or "monkey"! Monkey is when he would grab both of my hands, put his feet on my upper legs, walk up to my waist, and do a flip (thus why I call him my monkey). Even though there was a language barrier, except he spoke English exceptionally well, we were able to bond.
Go back to before I left for China: I was at a grocery store by my house and found a small sock monkey keychain and felt the need to buy it and use it as a travel buddy, where I would take pictures of it in different locations of the world, which I did.
Now back to the trip: It was time to leave. The two amazing, eye-opening, marvelous weeks were over and I realized that I may never see any of these children again. Especially my little monkey. My monkey. I proceeded to find my purse, where the sock monkey was hooked on to, and wrote on the TY tag the name of my monkey. When I went on my final journey to the houses in the afternoon, I took the sock monkey with me. It was time to say goodbye. Our afternoon was completed and it was time for them to have their dinner. Our last day was done, would not see them again because we were leaving the next morning. I found my little friend, showed him pictures of the sock monkey on my phone, which he loved to look at, and then brought out the sock monkey from my pocket. I showed him the tag, which had his name on it, and asked him what it said. He said his name, and I said "yeah, it's yours. It's your buddy now".
I will never forget the smile on his face.
He was the sweetest little man. I really miss him. I hope that someday I can go back. I would love to return and help teach the children to learn English, or help them with Therapy.
I mainly hope they all find a loving and caring home because, well, they deserve it.
TL;DR: Left my heart at an orphanage in China.
heliotropite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago, in high school, I was in a morning French final. This was the first day of finals right before Thanksgiving break, and we were all ready for a half week of test taking before being able to go out on break. About halfway through the test, another teacher walked into the room and says 'The school is in a lockdown now, just stay in the room until we say otherwise.' We ended up finishing the final and sitting in the room for another little while, until a different teacher came in and escorted us out... the back way. Eventually we got to the gym, just to be immediately relocated to a few classrooms and we had to stay there for another half hour or so. Well, eventually we got sent home, at about 12 or so, meaning we missed our other two tests scheduled for that day, which was great. That night, we were all expecting to just go back to school and have to find a time to retake the tests for that Monday, but started to snow a few feet of snow and cancel school for the rest of the week. Which was great. Turns out, on that Monday morning, some guy in who lived in an apartment across the street had AXE-MURDERED someone on the street right in front of our school, and some middle schoolers were right there watching. The gym that we were sent to had a gas leak, and that was the most snow our city had gotten in years, or would get for years. I aced that damned French final.
rokstar_tomato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work in a bakery/deli in the local grocery store. Things were relatively cheap on the deli side so we used to get a lot of business during lunchtime and when kids got out school(close to the local school system).
One day towards the end of my shift I notice these two kids counting change and by the looks of it just got out of school(backpacks etc.) They come up and ask how much a corn dog is for 2. I tell them the price and they say "oh...okay". Doesn't really bother me very much until I go out to grab and signs and put them away when I notice the two kids counting the change and saying they only have enough for 1 corn dog. One of them suggests that they just get a pop instead but the other one says that they don't know if they have food in the house when they get home. I didn't see them again after that for a while until one day they come in and order a corn dog while the other one grabs a dollar pop. I didn't even think about it but I gave them 3 corn dogs for the price of 1. They came back immediately to thank me profusely and I just denied everything and told them to have a nice day with a smile on my face. Not even 30 minutes later this lady comes in and asks to order a corn dog and a side of Jo's. I look behind her and it's the two kids looking embarrassed and obviously upset(one of them had been crying). I don't say anything and get her items charging her regular price. What followed was a full mental breakdown because apparently I was supposed to just "give" her the food for free because I did it for the two kids. I explained that I had no idea what she was talking about and I was calling security. The boys were just openly crying after this and then it hit me. This bitch wanted free food because I gave her boys a handout a few minutes earlier. Looking at her compared to them they were just both really really skinny and she was obviously eating well and hell of a lot better dressed then they were(their clothes were to small etc.) She ended up bitching some more when I just walked away and she got escorted out. I seen the two kids again later on but they never came to the bakery again. I did end up buying them two donuts one time later on and they were thankful but still obviously very embarrassed. I haven't seen them since but I've seen the mother and she's skinny now but I guess really into drugs. I hope her kids are okay :(
ProblemsAreCool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ate a girl out while she had a tampon in, I was pretty drunk though.
slashtooth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[The tale of how slashtooth learned Santa did not exist]
In my family, we celebrate an annual tradition that occurs around December 13. I can't remember the precise name of it, but what happens is something sort of like Christmas. We lay out our shoes near the front door and wait overnight and then "Santa" drops candy and all sorts of goodies into the shoes.
This occured during the time I was 6, so I was all up for Santa. I wanted to see him and everything, Christmas or not. I had a secret mission to stay up and see him.
About 15 minutes after I was sure everyone was asleep, I started thinking. How was I going to stay occupied for the night? I decided to eat something, so I made a sandwich.
Back then a sandwich to me was two loaves of bread and some chips in the middle. As I ate the sandwich, I made a lot of ruckus with all the cracking of the chips and stuff. My dad woke up and came to the kitchen. There were no lights on so he couldn't see me at all. I just stood still like a deer while he passed me. I swear he was less then half a foot away from me as he passed.
I decided that if I wanted to stay up, I would have to be more careful to not get caught. I snuck back to my room and hung out there. About half an hour later I heard some noise. Apparently my mom had a couple of bags of candy in her hand. Where was she headed? Our shoes.
I put two and two together and faced the fact that Santa did not exist. Luckily, though, my mom put a King-Sized Hershey's Bar in the bag.
~FIN~
SpyDad24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In Thailand I once bought a prostitute for a night (20usd) to go clubbing with me, just so she would get my friends and I drinks. When she started cock blocking me I hired another girl for the night to hit on her to distract her. In the midst of the night I shuttled them to the hotel room and said have fun, I will be back. Went to the hotel bar and ended up having the waitresses want to come back to our room. By this time it was daylight and I forgot about the girls, needless to say we walked in on two Thai prostitutes passed out naked on the bed, the waitresses darted.
TLDR: payed for two pulled two got zero
dadeho618 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing grand. I think I told someone this one before. I knew this guy, my grand pa's neighbor, he was a pretty big dude. And being a bit of a fatty, like myself, we really hate the heat. He was an older guy, poor health, all the ailments of being severely obese. The guy bought a vault in a mausoleum, because it was air conditioned.
He told his wife, that he hated the heat so much, that he was making sure he would stay "cool" after he died.
And in fact, Die, he did. He passed away, and in preparation for his funeral, it was discovered that he was in too large to fit in one of those wall vault crypts in the mausoleum.
His wife had him cremated.
TL;DR: Overweight man, always bothered by the heat, buys a spot in air conditioned mausoleum. Man dies, is too large to fit into his air conditioned vault. Wife has him cremated
Felixlives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If i told you, I would have to kill you.
justlearningDrstuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My ex gf was at her college while I was at mine and at some point while we were talking on the phone while I was playing Skyrim I got eaten by a dragon and went ahead and let her know that if you stand if front of a dragon in skyrim you're gonna have a bad time. Some weeks later she wandered down the hall and into a friend guy's dorm room to find him playing Skyrim and fighting a dragon, she calmly informed him that he shouldn't stand in front of said dragon, advice which he ignored, and 10 seconds later he was eaten by the dragon. He and his friends all turned to look at her in awe and she just shrugged and walked out. I'd like to think it went exactly as I've described it which makes it an awesome story.
Gahooglydonks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We have a windowless bathroom right next to the entrance to our house, so we usually wash our hands in the dark there once we get home. One time I washed my hands there, I went upstairs, and I heard my mom scream. I went back downstairs to see what was up and saw her holding up the hand towel we use in that bathroom. I had a HUGE poo streak on it; my five year-old sister had wiped her butt with the towel we all use. She had apparently been doing this for a while.
jaxqatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
the time the stripper(apperantly a hooker) pulled a gun the time i got an amtrac train pulled over with a Vietnam AND an Iraqi war vet the time i got asked to never come back to fiji go...
edit: these are my best stories, and im too drunk, its mothers day and i have to got to sleep to spend the rest of (its 3:44AM) the day with her. starting at 8:00 am sigh... let me know if you want to hear one of the many best times of my life
CatsTwoToOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What was the last thing you heard a dying person say? "But it's your birthday." My cousin turned 30 on December 30 of 3013 and my aunt, who had inclusion body miositis, had arrange this huge party for her. But my aunt was having trouble breathing and it was just bad. My cousin asked her if she needed to go home to get hooked up to her equipment that helped her breath and she said, with tears, "but it's your birthday." My cousin told her that it didn't matter, what mattered was that she could breathe. I couldn't hear what was said next but they left. I didn't see her again because I left the next morning. She died 1/1/14. Or: what was the last thing you said to a person before they died: "Want me to take her?" My aunt had a dog on her lap and it was wiggling and since she couldn't move much, I asked if she wanted me to take her. That was it. So yeah.
snowman_maker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't been able to tell anyone close to me for the fear of judgement of me or my friends. My boyfriends best friend just got charged with a kilo of coke, weapons and a ton of cash. I'm best friends with his wife and it was all kept a complete secret from me and partially from my boyfriend. It's been devastating because they're both looking at serious jail time. I'm having coffee with her on Tuesday but I'm not sure what to say. This issue is far from over, I just don't know how to go with our friendship after this.
reginaldspec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:45:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Using a throwaway for this, just coz its soo embarrassing..
This is probably going to be buried, but here goes:
I was 7 or 8 years old and had a friend (girl). For some reason I was always curious about the human body and I remember asking her to come with me to the toilet. She did. I asked her to take her clothes off. I did too. And then we agreed that I should stick my penis in her vagina, coz for some reason it seemed like the only logical thing to do.
Just when I was about to, my mom came in and gave us a long lecture on what we were doing was wrong and we should never do it again.
23 now, still a virgin. Thanks mom! Happy mothers day!
LoftyBlastoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm, well reddit, I have one for you. I was in a relationship with this girl for a long while. We lived together and all, and after living with someone, you learn things about them. For instance, my ex had incontinence issues. She was always into being healthy and often opted to take more natural things, like herbal supplements, rather than I guess laboratory made drugs/medicines. She also had recently begun living as a vegan around the time this story took place.
One morning, on the weekend when neither of us had class or work, I woke horny. For those of you unaware, there is a phenomenon that happens to males called morning wood. Which is where you wake up with an erection. I figured we would start the day off on the right note and decided to initiate morning sex. It really is the best way to start the day. So after we got started I rolled over onto my back and pulled her on top to finish us off. Once done she got up to use the bathroom, and I layed there enjoying the pos-coitus glow. And that's when I noticed it.
There was something on my testicles. I had never seen anything like it before. It was mushy, and an odd shade of green. I was dumbfounded. My imediate thought was "something is wrong with your vagina" and I became very concerned for her health (and I will admit, mine too). So I immediately got up to inform her of the situation. I went into the bathroom, where she was sitting on the toilet and with a terrified look on my face asked her what this was and expressed my concern. She started laughing hysterically. I was very confused. How could she laugh at a moment like this?
Unbeknownst to me, she had taken some herbal supplements for her incontinence the night before. When I asked what she was laughing at, she proceeded to show me the contents of the toilet bowl. In it, was an unholy pile of that same green mush that now covered my testicles. My concern turned to shock. Apparently during her climax muscles spasmed and she (hopefully) accidentally squeezed some poop out onto my balls.
She continued to laugh as I tore into the shower, gagging and dry heaving, as I washed myself with a vigor I never knew I had. Once it was all said and done, I found the whole situation very funny actually. We even made a kinda running joke/pet name to match one that I'd given he rto tease her for an event that had happened sometime before (a story for another time perhaps). These names consisted of our first names followed by "peepants" for her, and "pooballs" for yours truly.
TL;DR: My ex-girlfriend shit on my balls once during sex.
danaa_r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you guys want anything from tims
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to sell this really funky, upscale chair that came into my life. It was suede purple with a ton of character. Anyways my cat was ruining it fast so I decided to sell it on eBay. To entice buyers and build some hype i decided to embellish a little bit in regards to how it came into my possession. I wrote a very realistic story about how two old ladies having a garage sale spotted me, called me over, knew my name and told me the chair had been waiting for me for a long time. They were able to tell me things about my life they could have no way of knowing blah blah. Sold it though( the story). Ok so I post it and within 1 day a local news reporter pm's me asking for a number so she can talk to me about it. I reluctantly gave it to her and she called me. I had to fumble through the story again, the whole time feeling really guilty & shitty bc she was pretty zealous about doing a story on it. Eventually I just declined and said I "didn't want to make a mockery of such a special chair." She was bummed but gave up. A month later my cat hans D had ravaged that chair. Ended up tossing it. It was a good chair.
happyneandertal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in February of 2008 a friend and I were traveling around Europe. We spent most of time on trains and didn't have any sort of plan as where to visit. So we pull into Prague, we are the last train of the night and the station is deserted. With the exception of interesting individual waiting outside. He walks up us and says that he has a hostel for us. He then proceeds to hand us a business card describing all of the great things about his hostel. Apparently it had wi-fi, clean rooms, breakfast, a bar....the list went on and on. All for the low, low price of only 10 euro a night. An excellent rate, good amenities; just how could you go wrong? The thing was the vibe we were getting off this guy was creepy beyond belief. I felt like if we went with him, we'd probably end up in some sex dungeon.
So we decide to push on into the city, where there were more people. We thought about asking a hotel clerk, or maybe just finding one ourselves. Then as we're looking at a map of the city trying to orient ourselves; an old woman walks up to us and in some very broken english says "Looking for accommodation?" We couldn't believe what we were hearing. So we took her up on her offer but we prepared to bolt and run if necessary. So she leads us through the streets, down an alley way, zigzagging between buildings, and through an empty market to finally the doorsteps of her apartment. At this point we are so lost I wouldn't have any idea of how to get back to the main part of the city if I needed to. Then we enter, it turns out it's a nice apartment that the woman had turned a couple of vacant rooms into suites for guests to stay in. It was warm, cozy, and most of all safe. A situation that could have turned out very badly, ended up being one of the highlights of that part of the trip.
iDrownWitches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I participated in the filming of the music video of a terrible national pop singer. I got invited to work 2 days as the second cameraman's assistant. I said sure, 2 days, free hotel, free food, and 2000 localcoins for being the least required assistant ever. To end of the first day, I was used more as a "sit-in" than on the camera job. They used me to focus everything, callibrate lights, before they asked the great diva to stand in and get filmed. Anyway, the director suddenly tells me they need an extra and that I can do it. I say sure, why not. So they give me the singers wet (because las scene was under the rain) clothes, I put them on and they proceed to film me smiling while I hug the main actress. That was it. At the time, I didn't really question the plot of that video. But when I watched it... God, why do I appear there? I mean, what is the storywise purpose? Completely unknown. Had a great time being a popstar, though.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:52:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I met this girl one day at the mall... I wasn't particularly looking for women to fuck that day, but, apparently I found one.. and she was hot. So what had happened was, I bumped into her on accident and I had met her previously at my friends house and we started talking, one thing lead to another and I scored her number and I was bold enough to even ask her out on a date after I got it... She said yes. So that night I take her out, I woo her and so on and try and strut my shit like captain awesome of the fuckhrondolonic kronic ship and shit .... It all works... It worked... ... So after the date we get back to her house, I drop her off and walk her to her apartment and I instantly ask her if I could kiss 'her' and she looks and just goes at it with me ... Starts unbuttoning my shirt, pants and drags me in the house and we fuck. After we're done having sex, she starts massaging my penis and rubbing my balls for a while, like I earned a reward. So Im all for it and this goes on FOR HOURS, it got weird after I watched a show or two and we had conversation while she was doing it... So she finally gets done after a long time and I ask her "why did you enjoy doing that so much?" she looks at me... Real deep in the eyes and goes "I miss mine"
Rajumat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once broke my ankle during play rehearsal while wearing police issue handcuffs.
Also the first time I performed onstage I was mime murdered and raped. Yes, in that order.
ButtsinTN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, Fooling around with my girl friend at the time in the down stairs living room of her house, she was done going down on me and decided to spit it out into a subway wrapper that we had lying around from dinner earlier. Her mom comes home a little later (she was a nurse), she walks downstairs while we're still hanging out and starts going off on my girlfriend for it being messy. So she's going off about shit and picks up the subway wrapper and in the middle of her bitching she says something like "...ugh! and there's sandwich juice all over my hand!" Neither of us broke character and she never found out...
But we all know that wasn't sandwich juice :/
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a multi-episodic tale of woe-and-misery being related to someone who is a legitimate crazy person, so please read at your own risk. It gets very profane sometimes as it is impossible for me to talk about her without cursing.
I had to guess at a lot of things, and some things I donโt even know if I remembered correctly, there was a lot of confusion and introversion during some of the worst parts, so itโs possible some things my mind fabricated. I donโt know for sure. I doubt I ever will. I would like to have as complete a picture of her life as I can.
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 1, Some History and The First "Break"
I am not schizophrenic myself(I am bipolar though) but my mother was. Experiencing that growing up is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. Eventually her mental illness led to hear premature death, so let my tale be a lesson of caution. Also, buckle the fuck up as this is going to be both long as fuck and depressing as hell. I will try my best to explain the timeline of my motherโs life and the experiences that I know of, but so much is unknown as the only person to experience them was her, and as is with schizophrenics, it is not easy to take what they say as having happened.
My mother was born in 1961, I am not sure exactly where, but most of her childhood she lived in Moses Lake, Washington. The place is mostly a shithole, but getting better. She was the middle child of 5, her siblings were her sister, Joan, 10 years her senior, her older brother, Danny then she, and her two younger brothers, Dave, and Matthew. Matthew is 10 years younger than her. So she has siblings with age ranges spanning three decades.
She was fairly close to her siblings, especially her older brother; she was the life of the family. She had a quick wit and an amazing sense of humor. She was always causing trouble and being the middle child she kind of โbridged the gapโ between the two sets of older siblings. She started smoking at an incredibly early age, I remember one time she told me when she was in middle school her mom, my grandmother, would give her notes to buy cigarettes from the gas station down the road and they would sell to her, then she would deliver them. Eventually my mom started forging the notes for herself.
She and her older sister did not get along very well. This is all alleged, as I have only heard it from her directly, and not my Aunt, but both Joan and her mom would harass her, and manipulate her. Once again, I honestly donโt believe this, as these two women are some of the kindest, most wonderful people that I know, but people change over the span of +40 years. I donโt know, that is for certain, all I can go off of is what she told me.
This most likely lead to her first major โbreakโ.
She was 16 when she ran away from home for a year. Nobody knew what happened to her and she never, ever, spoke to anyone about what happened during that timeโฆ Except for me, her son. One day when we were speaking, and she was having a livid moment, she told me how when she was 16 she ran away from home to Portland and got pregnant. She ended up having a fucking back alley abortion. She wanted to tell me more, but Iโฆ I couldnโt hear it. I stopped talking to her.
When she came back, she acted as if nothing had happened at all. Life resumed as normal and she even went to college and got a degree in nutrition. My mother, was gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. A dark hair, fair skinned beauty, with hazelnut eyes, that had the most amazing smile and miraculous laugh. She could fill a room with laughter and was the center of attention wherever we went, and not for negative reasons, at least not yet.
She met my father through her brother, David, who was roommates with my dad in University. They started dating and were married not long after college. The two of them spent, oh, I think about 7 years together, doing fun things. My dad and her were Park Rangers in the forest service, my father graduating with a Major in Education and a Minor in geology. They would spend months in the wilderness with the most advanced piece of technology they had was a HAM Radio so they would call in reports to the ranger station as they kept their eyes out for forest fires and other wilderness hazards. They were very happy, or so I heard, but eventually the wild life ended and they settled down to have a family.
My dad got a job as a teacher at a high school, my mom worked part time at nutrition shops and other miscellaneous jobs until I was born in 1987. She was 26, the same age I am now. Huh. I didnโt know that until just now. Funny.โ
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 2, The Scarring of a Child, and The Second โBreakโ
This next part is a bit confusing. I will tell what I remember(after years of therapy) and then try and explain what happened afterward. I was 3 or 4(I think) and daddy was gone. Mommy was living in a strange house with a strange man I didnโt know. I didnโt like the house. There were โMr. Yuckโ stickers all over the place and mommy had said those were bad and to stay away from them. I remember a backyard with a large tree in it with a swing. The grass was really bad and I stepped on a pokey weed one time. The thing I remember most, though, and I still get nightmares of this occasionally, I was scared. I wanted mommy and daddy, I wanted them so badly, I was screaming in a completely unfamiliar place, calling her name but she wouldnโt come. It was so dark in my room. I couldnโt see anything except a sliver of light from the doorframe. I pounded on the door for what felt like hours, and desperately groped in the darkness for the light switch, but I was too small to reach it. I donโt remember if she ever came, of if I finally fell asleep. That is all I remember from this time, and I had forgotten about it for many years. I learned, and not very long ago, what exactly had happened from my father.
My parentsโ marriage was not going so great. My dad had gone back to school to get a Masterโs degree in Technology and Education, he was either working, teaching teenagers science, or studying and in class. My mother was left taking care of a newborn baby girl and a 3 yr old who threw temper tantrums fairly frequently. I donโt know exactly when it happened, but at one point my mother and father โseparatedโ. They werenโt divorced; they were still married, just not living together. My mom moved into, literally, โsome guyโ she met house. My dad has no idea how she met him, and he ended up supporting her household and his household for the entire time they were separated. My mother told my father that they both had jobs, and they were both working and he was just helping a little to pay for my sister and I. This separation lasted for nine months, had no idea it was so long. I was too young, I got to see my dad occasionally, but mostly it was the unfamiliar house with the man who wasnโt my daddy.
This was the โsecond breakโ, the first being when she was 16, this one being when she was around 30. Eventually she came back to my father, and she begged him to take her back. His family protested him doing so, as nobody had any idea what she was doing while living with the guy, and was completely unreasonable during this whole time. My dad agrees to take her back though, and we moved back home.
A few months later my dad started getting bills from credit card companies. Bills in excess of $20,000. He has no idea where they are coming from but they have my moms, and his, name on them. This is where confession time happened. Apparently my mother and they โguyโ she was living with, hadnโt been working like she said they were. Instead, they would fill out mail in credit card application you would get from junk mail and newspapers and what-not, would get the credit card a few weeks later, would max it out and then throw it away and apply for another one. All of this under my fatherโs name. As they were still married during this time, well, whatโs yours is mine and mine is yours, which includes debt. My dad, now on top of his tuition loans, and house payments, and car payments, was now on the hook for over 20 grand. He tried to reason with the credit card companies, but no. No such luck. Years later he would still get calls from creditors and eventually filed for bankruptcy. We were not wealthy people, and this made a shit situation 10x worse.
My father was tempted at this point to kick her out on the streets and divorce her, but he did love her, and he loved us, and he did say he would take her back, and so he did. But he swore to her that if she ever did anything even remotely like this again, there would be no second chances.
We got threw it, eventually, my mom worked odd job, would quit every summer to take care of my sister and I. Things were โnormal~ishโ although my parents argued about money a lot. Overall not too bad of a home life.
Actually that is a fucking lie. My mom was amazing. She was god damn Super Mom. She was in the PTA, she was coach of my swim team, she was coach of my sisters soccer team, she would make amazing homemade lunches we would take to school, she was kind, and loving, and fucking amazing. This lasted until I was about, oh, in 4th grade, when I was diagnosed with an incredibly rare(for someone my age) heart condition. Right-atrial multifocal arrhythmia tachycardia I think is what it was called then. Iโm doing okay now, and after 3 heart surgeries, and years of medication it is now just multifocal atrial fibrillation/tachycardia. I can never get it straight when I speak to a cardiologist. But I am fine. Heart doesnโt bother me often. Can even exercise without much problem.โ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 3, Things go Downhill and She Ruins a Family Vacation
This put a huge strain on my family, both emotionally and financially, and I was not the easiest kid to deal with. I had attention issues, I had self-esteem issues, I had authority issues, I failed every class I was in, and I excelled at nothing except playing Sega Genesis. My once amazing super-mom was slowly starting to crack. She demanded she get a face lift and my dad pay for it. He had graduated and was now a tech admin for a school district, so we had some good money. We had stopped renting and actually owned a house. A fixer-upper, of which my parents did amazing work on, more the doubled the value of the home. But it all started with the face lift. She viewed herself as โuncleanโ and things had to be spotless. She would scrub the shit out of things, always cleaning. Incessant about it, obsessive compulsive I would later learn. She would pick and scrub at every blemish she had, she would over-do it on makeup, was absolutely obsessed with her physical appearance. Eventually she wanted a boob job. Dad paid for it, although it was completely unnecessary, next came the tummy tuck, also unnecessary, she was a nutritionist for Christ sake! Crazy healthy, and active, and justโฆ Beautiful! But not perfect enough.
Things begun to go downhill rapidly when I hit middle school. My dad shielded my sister and I from most of what happened, but here are some things that I have learned. She would change her hair style every year. It would be short one year, then long the next(she would have my dad get her hair extensions), then she would dye it black as night, then auburn, then she would have a pixie cut. And not just herself, the house too. We would rearrange the furniture in the entire house every 6 months. She would reupholster the couch in a different pattern, she would repaint the living room and dining room, she would throw out last yearโs stuff and make my dad buy all new stuff.
At this point, you might be asking, โWhy was my dad letting her get away with this?โ Well, truth is, he was kind of a workaholic. He would work, every day, from 5AM-5PM, on call 24/7, and have weekly meetings that would keep him until as late as 9PM, and monthly meetings as late as 1AM or later. If something computer related went wrong in the entire school district it was my dad who got the first call, and was first on the scene. He was making a lot of money, and loved his job, but we rarely ever saw him, and when things between he and my mom werenโt going so well, he would throw money at the problem.
It all culminated one summer near the end of 7th grade. This is when the โfinal breakโ happened.
I have written at length about what happened that day from my perspective in other subreddits, and if you want to read it you are welcome to, but for now I will summarize, and also give perspective from other people who I have spoken to about the event.
My dad first noticed things were getting really bad when my mom suddenly had a whole group of new, and much younger, โfriendsโ that he had never met. Some of them still teenagers, at least one of them still being in high school. My mom is almost 40 at this point. She would spend waaay more money that was typical, and go on โtripsโ with her โnew friendsโ for days at a time. Never telling anyone what they were doing or where they were going. We were getting ready to go on our yearly extended family(meaning cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, even second cousins) camping trip for two weeks near Winthrop, Washington. This was a yearly thing, as I said, and we had been doing itโฆ Shit I donโt even know. I think before even I was born my extended family would go to this place; my parents, sister, and I didnโt always go, as things were rough money-wise for a while, but as soon as we could afford it, we went every year.
Well, all of a sudden my mother refuses to go. She says that she has โplansโ with her new friends to do something at the same time, and she wasnโt going to go. This was all last minute, but the warning flags were already going up for my father. I donโt remember any of this as my dad kept my sister and I out of it and from noticing it. When we got back, my dad found his bank account drained, and he knew exactly what was happening again. The same thing that had happened nearly a decade prior and he was not going to let it happen again. He immediately cancelled all of his account, took her name off of everything while she was gone. You might thing he over reacted, but knowing what happened next, it saved him a lot of trouble, and a lot of debt.
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 4, Mom Does ALL the Drugs
This next part I heard from my uncle, Matthew, her youngest brother. She practically raised him as both of their parents worked full time and she was a decade his senior. My dad alerted her family that things were happening again like before, and they all rushed to try and help her. She burned every. Single. Bridge she had with her siblings. It took years to do so, and I will get more into that later. Matthew was the first to try and help. Matthew talked to her, and got her to explain a bit about what she was doing with her new friends.
It was drugs. Lots, and lots, of drugs. Meth, Cocaine, Weed, and so much alcohol. Those are the only ones I know about, but she has probably done every one you can list, those were just the ones she โabusedโ. He tried to help her, but she refused to be helped. She ended up, and this is just alleged, as no one can confirm this, it is just a suspicion, sleeping with the fucking teenaged kid she was hanging out with. Who also just so happened to be her dealer. Matthew tried to get her help, and solicited the help of his siblings and parents, they all tried to help her but she turned her back on them every single time they tried. Would come up with lies, at least they were lies to us, but looking back we are pretty sure they were delusions instead, say things like my grandmother and her sister hated her and were trying to destroy her life, and corrupt my sister, and whore her out, just, awful things.
It all came crashing into my life one summerโs morning. The previous night my parents were arguing, as usual, about money. My mom had just bought a $2,000 china set(we already had a great china set), and this was the last straw from my father. He was no longer going to be giving her any money until she could get her spending under control, and begged her to talk to him and try and work through the problem. Things started to get waaay too heated for my sister and I to be around, so my dad called up some of our friendsโ parents and they picked us up, and we stayed at their places that night.
I heard later, from my dad, a fewโฆ Choiceโฆ Thingsโฆ That happened between the two of them. The mildest of which being the police were called, by her, on my dad. She claimed he raped and abused her, that he was also doing these things to me and my sister, luckily my dad actually knew the officers that were called, him being a semi-public figure, and they didnโt believe her story, luckily. They left and my dad tried to get her to calm, down, and at one point he asks her, โJust, tell me how you feel?โ and she replied, โYou want to know how I feel? LIKE THIS!โ and she pulled her pants down, and shit on the kitchen floor.
At this point, my dad could no longer deal with her. So he called up one of her friends that he knew, who just so happened to be my best friends mom(wonderful woman), and she came a picked her up.
This next part I heard from Friends Mom(FM). FM picked her up, it was pretty late at this point, and she was doing this as a friend, helping a friend who was going through marital problems. She was sympathetic and tried talking to my mom. FM and my mom got less than 5 miles away from our house, when FM kicked her out of the car. FM canโt even remember exactly what she said, it was so shocking and horrifying, but it mortified her, and she kicked her to the fucking curb by the side of the freeway.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 5, The Third "Break"
That was the last anyone heard from her until the following morning, where she arrived at the home where my sister was staying. This next part I heard from her(also fairly recently).
Sis was woken up by Sisters Friends Mom(SFM) at something like the asscrack of dawn. SFM was saying that her mom was here to pick her up, and that she had to go now. Sis didnโt want to as it was early as hell. Sis later heard this from her friend and SFM, and some from our mom herself years later. Apparently, our mother had shown up, dropped off by some random person, she then pounded on the door until SFM came in. Mom told her that SFM needed to take her to get me, and they were all going to drive to Hollywood and we were going to become famous movie stars. SFM tried to calm her down, and mom is trying to get her to hurry up, but SFM canโt exactly as she has like 5 or 6 kids, some of which are really little. My mother then begins grabbing her hair extensions and ripping them out screaming that she can hear the voices of the dead women who used to own the hair. While there, at SFMโs house, she ripped out their dining room chandelier, right out of the fucking ceiling, smashing it into the kitchen table. She also grabbed a knife from the butchers block, and threated to murder SFM and all of her children if SFM didnโt drive her to pick me up, and then drive us to Hollywood. SFMโs husband is at work, this is before cell phones, and mom is guarding the house phone with a knife.
SFM gets her family up, and herds them into their van. SFM keeps mom talking and distracted and just tells her what she wants to hear as she is clearly dealing with a crazy person. She drives to where I am staying at my friendsโ house and that is where my story comes in.
That fateful day, which has fucked me up for my entire life, I will never forget it. Yet, there are parts that I can't remember, because they are far too painful. It's a weird sensation, being unable to forget the feeling of what happened, even if I can't remember the exact details of what happened.
I was beyond terrified, and confused, and angry, and so very, very, very scared.
I had had a good time with my friend and the next morning I call dad to have him come pick me up, I step outside less than a minute later and there you were. You hopped out of SFMโs van and came walking up to the front porch. My friendsโ mom is at work, it's just him and I, 11 and 12 year old kids, but we were good kids.
I see my sister literally thrown out of the back door of the van as it speeds off. She is in hysterics. Crying silently, a glazed expression over her face. I am surprised to see her but I turn to you and say. "Wow that was fast. I just called dad a minute ago." The pleasant expression on your face changes drastically to one of anger. "Dad... Is coming... here?!" You exclaim, in a way that I had never seen before.
My friend and I are puzzled as you storm inside the house. I turn to my friend, tell him to wait here and look after my sister, as I was going to try and "solve" this problem. Even at that age I was a "take charge" kinda person. When shit hit the fan, I kept a level head and figured out and did what needed to be done.
I walk inside and you are just getting off the phone. I ask you what is going on and you say you have called the police on dad. I am completely taken back, but I keep my cool. I ask her what is going on, and then here... Here is where my memory begins to fade as I have blocked most of this part. But from what I can remember it went something like this.
I don't know how, and I don't know why, but you change the subject, saying something along the lines of, "I know you have always wanted me." as a 12 year old kid who has just barely discovered masturbation and porn this is quite the shocking thing to hear from your mother. You opened your jacket and "bared your breasts" at me, in a "seductive" "come hither" look. It is at this point that my brain shuts down. I leave. I walk outside, probably looking like all the blood has been drained from my face. My friend is confused, sister is sobbing and unresponsive, but we stay outside and you stay inside.
Momentโs later dad shows up, he sees me, and sister, and my friend and then you come outside with fire in your eyes. The look of dread and understanding on his face is palpable. You go off on the most insane rant I have ever heard while dad tries to calm you down. Sister is still sobbing, friend is even more confused, and I have begun to tune everything out, I am brain dead.
At this point the cops showed up, and glee flickers on your face and you rush to them and begin to craft a hastily put together sob story of how dad raped and abused you and me and my sister. Dad is patient, apologetic, and concise when refuting your story and telling the truth of what is going on. Whereas you are screaming profanities, in hysterics, going between fuming rage and sobbing victim. After about 10 minutes of this and it seems like the police might believe your story the point comes across that this isn't even our house. It is from here that they get a highly censored version of my story, sister is unable to speak, and dad remains calm, but highly embarrassed through this whole thing.
Eventually the police take you away and that was when I realized that you were gone. From that moment on, the person inside you was dead. Your soul... Was gone. Your body kept moving though, and kept hurting me over, and over, and over again.
Extremely traumatic doesnโt even fucking cover it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 8, Things Get Worse, and I Try to Kill Myself
I didnโt take much with me, a bit of clothes, my computer, and that is about it. At the time I was going to school sporadically, I was failing most of my classes, too distracted and depressed to handle my life no romantic prospects of any kind, and being around my poisonous mom wasnโt helping in the slightest. I woke up one morning; spent several hours in my room on my computer before going into the kitchen to get some food. My mom usually just passed out on the living room couch watching the history channel. I walk out there, and she is still asleep, but wakes up when she hears me come in. She sits, up wishes me good morning, and then grabs her anti-psychotic meds pops them, and washes them down with a straight-from-the-bottle swig of vodka that was next to the table.
She was at least courteous to not smoke pot when I was in the room, as I didnโt want her doing the stuff, but I always knew when she was. Canโt cover that shit up. I would try talking to her every day, try to get her to turn her live around, or at least try and live a little better.
Earlier I mentioned how beautiful my mother was. Well, not anymore. I have never seen someone โlet themselves goโ as badly as my mom did. She ballooned up to OBESE weight, she was short too, maybe 5โ2โ โ 5โ5โ, had cut off all her hair, wore nothing but sweatpants, I doubt anything else would fit her. Hormonal issues caused her to start growing hair all over the place, moustache, hairy arms, sideburns I think too. She didnโt care. It was awful to see her. She also never took care of any hygiene. Yellow stains on her crotch and pits, just an awful odor emanated from her. She also chain smoked as well, so yellowed teeth on top of it all.
I had never spent so much time with her since I was nearly a boy, and I knew that things were bad, but being in such close proximity with her was excruciating. Nothing I was doing was helping her, and I felt responsible for every single horrible thing she had been putting herself through. I felt hopeless, the daily discussions about God and her โspiritual battleโ, being angry and sad after every conversation. The absolute worst part was the moments where she was lucid.
Every once in a while, when she was sober enough, and her meds were in full effect, and the planets had aligned juuuust right she would be a shadow of her former self. We would have a semi-normal conversation, we would talk about school, and she would lecture me about skipping classes, and try and talk me into going to college, and saying that I have so much potential and that I needed to believe in myself.
SHE would actually act like a parent, my mom. And I would think to myself, โMaybe, just maybe, she is getting better. Maybe she is coming back. Maybe all of my hard work in trying to help her is paying off!โ
But no.
No it wasnโt.
It would last a short while. Maybe a few hours, maybe a few days, never for long though. She would go back to spouting insanity about God and Satan and George Bush and Osama Bin Laden. Talk about how the devil was on her doorstep, and that I couldnโt trust the mailman as he was a demon. That the police were agents of the devil and were trying to stop her from helping the angels. That I was in great danger, and she was trying to prepare me for the future, when judgment day happened, or whatever. There was no line between fantasy and reality in her head. I am pretty sure most of her delusions came from watching TV and movies, as what I just said sounds like the plot of Terminator 2. I spent three months living with her before things got so bad I couldnโt handle it anymore and I tried to take my own life.
I chickened out at the last moment. Couldnโt go through with it, luckily, but after that I knew I couldnโt live with her anymore. I called my dad, apologized, and moved back in with him. He was understanding and helped me to try and deal with some of her bullshit, but I just couldnโt get over it. Her craziness seem to linger with me, surrounded me like an inescapable cloud. I tried to pull myself out of my depression but I couldnโt. I ended up transferring to four different schools in as many years, never graduated high school. It took too more suicide attempts before my dad found out, as the last one required a hospital visit.
My dad had already been trying to help me, I had been on anti-depressants and in therapy, and alternative schools to try and get through everything. Nothing was working.
My mom was in-and-out of my life at that point. My stay with her made me realize I could never help her, and so I stopped trying. For the most part I severed all contact from her. We would still talk, by phone, every once in a while, but I would never go and visit her unless I had to for some reason. By the time I was 18 I had fazed her out of my life almost completely.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โ The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 9, โYour mother passed away this morningโฆโ
Things were okay, on my end, after a while. I found some meds that worked. Got a shitty retail job, or three, got an awesome girlfriend, moved out of my dads(first of my siblings to do so!) and overall was happy.
I still had some strong bouts of depression occasionally, but I would always manage to pull through. One of the keys to my happiness, I discovered, was pretending my mom didnโt exist. I could not have a conversations that didnโt leave me fuming with rage, or completely broken and depressed. There was no helping her, and it killed me every time I spoke to her. I donโt know a whole lot about what went on over the next few years, but eventually my sister stepped in to try and help her where I left off.
According to her, it was actually a positive experience. She didnโt try and fix her, but just, talked to her. Mom would listen to my sistersโ problems, and occasionally have some not crazy advice to give, I donโt know how she could stand it though. I asked her how she could have a conversation with her, when everything you just discussed would be forgotten by her the next day, or warped into some kind of alternate memory that was nothing like what was actually said. She said to me that her not remembering was the best part, because she could say whatever she wanted, get it off her chest, and not have to worry about her caring or remembering, because she would just forget it after the conversation.
It absolutely confounded me, but I am glad they had some good conversations. By this time I had all but forgotten everything good about my mother, all that remained was anger and sadness. I would struggle to have a good memory of her, from before, but I was so overwhelmed by all the bad that it blinded me to anything good. I chose to not think about it. I kept telling myself, โSomeday. Someday when I am able to take care of myself 100%, I will make amends with her. I know I canโt fix her, but I will at least forge some good memories with her.โ I never got the chance.
I did manage to get one kind of good memory of her. My daughter was born in 2009, and after we got home from the hospital, my sister picked up our mom and brought her to meet her granddaughter. The look on her face as she held her in her arms was wonderful. I felt amazing. She looked so happy. I was so excited that maybe, justโฆ Maybeโฆ Seeing her grandchild would help her to get better, to be better. I didnโt let myself get too hopeful, but the thought did cross my mind.
We had a few hours of mostly good times, but by the end of the night she had included her grandchild in her delusions about her so-called โspiritual battleโ. I made her leave right after that.
Two years passed, she never got to spend any time with her grandchild. I refused to go to her place, and she couldnโt come to ours because I didnโt want her to know where we lived. I didnโt want her showing up unannounced(it had happened before) and trying to force herself into my life. I think she only met her granddaughter once, maybe twice before the unexpected happened.
I hadnโt spoken to her in close to a year, maybe 8 months. I had a new smartphone and I downloaded an app that let me block numbers, I got it specifically for her. I would still get her voicemails, but I could choose to listen to them if I wanted, but I didnโt have to feel guilty if I accidently answered my phone without looking at the number, or choosing to hang up so it didnโt go to voicemail.
I was at my girlfriends parentsโ house, we were visiting, doing laundry or something, canโt remember exactly what, when I got a call from my dad. My dad asked where I was, and asked me to sit down.
A side note: My grandfather(dadโs dad) wasnโt doing very well. He was in the hospital after a stroke, had lost most of his motor functions, and we werenโt expecting him to live much longer, so when my dad told me to sit down, I thought I knew what he was going to say, that Grandpa had passed away.
I prepared myself, and although it would have been sad, at least he wouldnโt have been in anymore pain, and for that I was thankful. But what my father said blindsided me.
โYour mom passed away this morning.โ
I was speechless. This is not what I was expecting. I donโt remember much of the conversation, but my girlfriend saw the look on my face. She knew about my grandfather, we had just visited him the other day, and after I got off the phone she asked me about him (side note again, grandpa is still alive and kicking, but not able to take care of himself).
I told her no. It wasnโt grandpa. I couldnโt really speak. I didnโt know what to say. I felt numb. I was in shock. I whisper to her.
โNoโฆ Itโs my mom. She died.โ The shock on her face mustโve mirrored my own, and she started crying.
I had to leave. I had to go to her place. My first though was. โI need to know what happened.โ Followed closely by, โWhatever stuff she might have had, we need to get.โ The people she lived with wouldnโt have had any problem stealing anything she might have had, and even though I knew she had nothing of value, there might have been something of sentimental value that would have been tragic to lose.
I got in my car, my girlfriend explaining to her parents what was happening, and I sped to where she was living. I get there, and Carl is there, and I think a few other random people, he talks to me, trying to comfort me. I never liked Carl, in fact I hated him. Some of the few conversations with my mom she told me that he abused her, verbally and physically, and I knew that he was just an enabler for her. I kept trying to convince her to leave him, but she wouldnโt.
I didnโt care what he had to say to me about condolences. I hated the bastard. Only thing I cared about was knowing what happened. He described the event to me in detail.
He had gone into her room that morning after she didnโt wake up, and he found her lying in bed. Eyes rolled back into her head, and putrid, yellow vomit down her face and neck. He panicked, and said he โtried to perform CPRโ, which I highly doubt happened. Said he had to wipe the vomit away from her mouth to do it.
He called 911 and they hauled her body off, after that he called my dad, who was the only number he had.
I go into her room, the place is a disaster. Boxes, and clothes, miscellaneous crap everywhere. No sheets or blankets on her mattress, large stains by the crotch and face. It smelled of death, and vomit, and cigarettes and pot and misery.
Carl kept talking to me, but I stonewalled him. He had told me all he knew about what happened, so I had nothing further to say to him. I rummaged through her room, looking for photo albums, or anything that might have been important to her. I knew if I didnโt get to it right away it would be stolen soon. I found some photos, and a necklace or two that I knew my sister had given her(they werenโt valuable, but they were sentimental). I spent about 45 minutes looking through her stuff before I couldnโt handle it anymore and I left.
I talked to my dad some more, told him all I knew. I also called my aunts and uncles, grandparents, told them what happened. I never did get an official cause of death. All I heard was โheart failureโ which is unsurprising.
Her death was unexpected, but not surprising. She lived like a slob, did all kinds of drugs, drank constantly, ate nothing but the unhealthiest foods, chain-smoked cigarettes, it was only a matter of time.
She was 50 years old.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:03:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
โ The Life of a Disturbed Individual; My Mother - Part 10, The Conclusion and Aftermath
There was no funeral. We had her cremated. I donโt know where her ashes are anymore. I think my sister has them. We held a small memorial service with just her siblings, parents, and immediate family. We all spoke about her, shared stories. Tried to explain to my younger cousins who had never known her as to who she was, and what had happened to her.
At the time, I was still numb from the shock. It was about a month later, middle of August, I couldnโt cry. I tried to cry. I wanted to cry, but I couldnโt. The tears refused to come. I didnโt feel anything for the longest time.
Shortly after her death, my sister and I went to her room and cleared it out. We went through all her paperwork and boxes and possessions. Turned out she was about $10,000 in medical debt, I panicked thinking my sister and I might have to pay it, but nothing had come up so Iโm not worried.
Nothing of any value was found. Everything reeked of cigarette smoke, so even the clothes were garbage.
We found a few small things here or there, a photo, a letter, a necklace, a decoration. Nothing substantial, but they held some sentimental value for us. The rest we threw away.
Not long after I had my second child, another girl, named her after her grandmother.
I hope that she is at peace. Iโm not the religious type, used to be until my mom ruined it with her insanity, but some of her siblings are. My uncle Matthew said to me last time I spoke to him about her that he believes that she was in a better place. A place where she is whole and no longer in pain from her sickness. I hope he is right.
I am still struggling to cope with what happened my whole life. It had really left me in a bad place. Luckily I have friends and family around me who care for me and are trying to help me put the pieces back together.
That is the story of her life. There are large parts that are still missing, and that will never be known. I keep talking to her siblings, trying to find out who she was when she was younger, but part of her still lives on.
My sister looks just like her. I saw a picture of my mom when she was my sistersโ age, and they could have been twins. Her adventurous spirit lives on in her as well. My sister is an outdoorsy type, and is currently living in the wilderness in Oregon, doing the same kind of thing my mom and dad did when they were her age.
Her humorous and rambunctious personality lives on in me. I am always trying to make the people around me laugh, and I love making sure that the people around me are as happy as possible.
I am struggling with my own bipolar disorder, and my darkest fear is that her sickness also lives on in me, but thanks to her, I am not making some of the same mistakes. I have never done any drugs, and I rarely drink. Only a couple times a year. Iโve seen the darkness and can avoid it. I just pray that I can be a better father to my children, than my mother was to me.
Thank you all for sticking though this. It has been quite the adventure. It helps me a lot to get this out there. I might add more in the future should I learn more about her past, but for now, that is everything that I know about her, and her life.
I hope that hearing her tale helped you in some way. Thank you.
Slinkyfest2005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Got high once. Thought i was a Mennonite on a wagon, a front loading washer, and the pope across a 3 hour trip.
Almost jumped off a third story balcony til I realized my people wouldn't catch me without my pope hat.
Coincidentally they unknowingly brought in the one man they knew who might be able to help me, my brother.
He bought me a burger after it was over and I felt right as rain.
ViolaPurpurea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh, I have a story from kindergarten... Every day some people would get to go downstairs to help get the food up (and get a piece of candy from the kitchen lady), we also had to put a piece of bread (well, black bread in Estonia) on everyone's plate. I often went- the kitchen lady loved me and my twin and hoenstly I wanted free candy. But I was a fucking dealer. I'd always get the best one or even two end pieces, my closest friends were next, but there were people making orders even in the morning. Lived the life of a fucking celebrity. Looking back the place was horrendous- the helpers were always asked to be girls, and we had to clean up and set the table for the boys, but I still have some good memories from it (Like getting to be a server for the "ice cream cafe" and eating so much I was sick, or being the caretaker's favourite and having her sew my barbie a dress)...
mrjustinpirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in 2011 I went to walmart with my now ex wife and as we parked we noticed some commotion on the other side of the parking lot along with a fire truck and some police cars so we, being nosy youngsters, went to investigate. A car had blow up somehow and the two vehicles next to it were completely destroyed in the process. The fire was out and the owners of the vehicles were present and dealing with the police, insurance, whatever.
So the next day we are eating at a burger joint and as we walk out of the place we are talking about how crazy it was and I jokingly admit that I would love to see a car catch on fire and blow up. Immediately upon saying this a SUV on the road in front of us pulls over and there is smoke coming from the engine. The owner has a small fire extinguisher and opens his hood only to be welcomed by huge flames which immediately engulf the entire vehicle and cause a huge scene of fire and smoke. The car didn't blow up and the fire department showed up fairly quickly, but still. It was an amazing site to see after having just asked to see such a thing.
I jokingly said our apartment would be on fire when we got home but it wasn't.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 13-14 ( 8-9 years ago ), I played a game called Magic The Gathering Online. I met a buddy with whom Id be in contact with nearly every day, he taught me about buying low selling high. I started to do this daily and eventually made some fair profit. (300-400 tix, 300-400$) Software bots came out and were very scarce and pricey. 500 tickets - 1000 tickets to buy one. (500$-1000$) This software was licensed and needed individual keys etc. One of the developers, The*** bought the source code off a developer and developed his own bot, (practically the same exact thing), I bought this to automate my sales, but I would randomly open files and eventually opened a file that was in a weird format, but I downloaded some software to open it and I did a search for my username and found out that is where he would license this software individually to an account name, I deleted that line of code and I was able to sell this software to anyone, I made an alternate account and began selling this software for 200-400 tickets, whatever I could get, hell I was a kid! I would receive updates on my software, but they would not. When I gave it up I gathered and sold my collection of tickets and cards and received $24,000 by the time I was 17. Thought it was pretty cool and I sure had a ton of fun doing it!
SurfaceThreeSix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I decided we wanted to smoke and went to our usual spot near a canal by my friends house in my truck. We had done this many, many times with no issues, so we thought that day would be no different. After passing it around a few times and polishing off a few bowls, we loaded up another. It was my turn, so I lit it and took a big rip. Just as I finished inhaling, I noticed movement past the rear passenger window. It was a dark blue shirt. The shirt had pockets, ironed seams, and....oh shit...a patch on the left arm. The person kept walking up to the passenger window. It was a cop. Keep in mind that I just finished a huge rip and had to exhale, so I did. Right in front of the cop whilst holding the bong. I have never been so fucking scared in my life. Thankfully he was cool about it and let us go with a warning but goddamn that was scary.
Protagonists ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:09:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When i was in grade 10 i got off the bus at the station to take the train to another station to take a bus home (i liked taking a 2 hour route instead of a 45 min route) i get off the bus and this guy with long blonde hair almost crashes into me, he was running out of the station. I didnt think much but i saw a few cops but still just thought it was whatever and went to waitfor the train. Later that night i found out there was a stabbing at the station i was at and the man running was the guy who did it. I dont think ive ever told anyone but it always felt like the scene where peter lets the guy take the money and later finds how he killed uncle ben.
xtinafer09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a football game with my dad when I was about 14 and I had to go to the bathroom. As I'm walking down the steps, I have to squeeze to the left to let someone pass me and my knee knocks into this guy's shoulder. His arm flings forward and he spills his visibly steaming hot coffee all over the back of the dude in front of him. The guy with the coffee on him turns around, staring daggers at the first guy. The first guy looks aghast, then looks at me. I'm like a deer in the headlights. I'm absolutely terrified. I run down the steps and hide in the bathroom for the rest of the game. I'm pretty sure those guys were about to murder me.
timisstupid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 13 my school canteen had a competition: buy 15 chocolates and go into the draw to win an Xbox (original). Every 10th chocolate got you a free Cherry Ripe as well. So each lunch break I would collect cash from friends and spend 5 minutes lining up, collect my free Cherry Ripe and go in the draw. I ended up with over 20 entries. Weeks later my mum got a call from the school. "What have you done? [I thought I was in trouble] The school says you've won an Xbox somehow." TLDR: Spent 5 mins of each lunch hour to get free chocolate and an Xbox. Win.
PartyPatComeback ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriends Dad died in a high speed boating accident just twelve hours ago.
rennaps ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:31:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wow sorry to hear that, I'm sure you're there for her.
PartyPatComeback ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I knew it would get buried, but thank you. Its been hard for everyone, he wasnt fifty.
Ninjas_Always_Win ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
During my university years, I had a private meeting scheduled with a lecturer to go over my dissertation strategy. I arrived, promptly, with ten or fifteen minutes to spare. He was taking a seminar and I could hear the resonation of his back and forth chatter with annoyingly plucky students. Given the timescale, things should have been wrapping up soon.
Forty five minutes later, there still wasn't a stir. I had been pacing the corridor back and forth; part of me wanting to interrupt, the other, more rational part of me, wanting to walk away. In the end, I came to a compromise. On the list of names for a future seminar, I wrote 'Joe Bloggs', which for some reason I found inappropriately hilarious. I can only imagine his look of split-second consternation as he read out the attendance sheet.
NekoGecko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Same as the top post, I have been DYING to post this!! But had nowhere to put it.
I was in a class army university that tries to implement a real video game company pipeline. I ended up being placed (way too early) into a lead position of a team.
My team was concept art and we had a...select few people in the class that were just not good in any other area so concept art took the rejects. We were the Hufflepuff of the class.
One such student had been removed from the programming team due to...outbursts. He was 50ish, army veteran, who also liked to do a few drugs to try and deal with his PTSD. I liked the guy! He was really chill, really relaxed, and was generally funny...except when he had his outbursts (this is important).
I was new and an idiot and a pushover at the time, so I ended up getting pressured by my team into pushing a due date back. We ended up getting into slight trouble from the professors.
We ended up having a group chat with the whole team and the two professors, I apologized for getting us in the position (pushover), and then it started...
This guy, Bob (I'm original, I know), ends up raising his hand and asking if he could ask something.
What ensued was yelling, pacing, and somewhat scary threats. He was really out of control. What my teacher said next just bumped up my respect for the guy.
F (Prof 1): "I hear what you're saying, and I respect what you're saying, but right now you are being inappropriate and I have to ask you to leave the classroom."
He knew the guy had had issues from his term in the army and F knew that.
The worst part was as he was screaming, there were people from other rooms peeking into the hallway. Eventually he grabs his bag, but not before getting right in my prof's face and screaming, direct quote:
Bob: "Fuckering fuckertash, I'm outta here!!"
I was right next to F and I could see the spit flying.
All in all, we ended up having to file a report to have him removed from the class because a lot of my team members who were present were legitimately afraid of him.
I felt bad though about the whole thing, though I haven't seen much of him since then.
Tertio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I almost got in a bar fight with a UFC fighter in Quebec city. Patrick Cotรฉ. He wasn't in the UFC at the time. We were both on the dance floor and quite drunk. At least I was. He kept elbowing me and I took it the wrong way. He invited me to step outside. My friend grabbed me by the arm and led me away. Two years or so later I saw him on UFC unleashed on spike TV.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SPOOFE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man, Spongebob can be pretty terrifying.
Haonsnikle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
About a year ago i was at my friends house chilling in a recliner. I readjusted my body and in doing so lightly lightly swung my right hand to the left and lightly clenched my left hand. At that moment I accidentally hit a fly with my right hand and caught it in my left hand. I was basically holding a fly all of the sudden and it took me like 30 seconds to fully grasp what was happening. I seriously freaked the fuck out for 20 mins.
saad93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had sex once...
rkh00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago, some of my classmates got suspended for a week after trying to smoke... wait for it... grass.
And I don't mean marijuana. Nope, I mean actual, literal, grass.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
tl;dr I got shot in the ass in Orlando.
I had gotten out of a closing shift at checkers spectacularly early so I was gonna get turnt up. I pedaled hard to get home to change while rocking out to Tragic Kingdom on my 2gb MP3 player. Couldn't hear shit though my Apple Store purchased Bose headphones.
So I whip in to [trailer park with a terrible pun for a name] and start to coast the remaining 150ish feet to my humble manufactured abode. Suddenly a large SUV (maybe a Ford Explorer) jukes around me and stops at the first of two mandatory turns.
My spider sense began to tingle. Something was amiss. Undaunted, I stood up and put the pedal to the... well, the fucking pedal; don't hate a brotha on a huffy. Fueled by Gwen Stefani's no bullshit attitude, I shot past the vehicle like wet butter. I thought I saw someone emerge from said autocarriage as I swooped by at 4 frames per second but I paid it no mind.
Suddenly, a pair of loud pops registered in my hearing parts (albeit muffled) whilst I slingshotted about this ne'er-do-well. I puzzled about this as I resumed my seated position on my pussy wagon but a cursory inspection of my sick rims displayed no tire deflation.
Shortly afterwards, I became aware of a feeling of heaviness as well as the presence of moisture upon the rear of my left thigh. During the remaining 50' of my journey, I conducted a brief physical exam of my leg and said moisture had laden my fingers with a deep obsidian hue in the radiant amber street light. A wishful thought hoping that I was struck by a paintball whispered through my conscious mind as I coasted into my yard, but alas fate was not on my side.
That's about the gist of it, but I can detail the 911 experience and treatment if desired.
laserguidedshark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Was heading home drunk from a bar one night. Walked right into three bro's who had cornered a much smaller fellow and were about to beat the crap out of the little guy. I did not support this. For some reason I pulled all my money out of my wallet and started shouting "I have $100.00 on the little guy!" I then laid down some ground rules about how the fight would go, and if they could match my money they could not only beat up the dude but also get a hundred bucks out of it. I told little man "not to worry, we will split the cash 50/50 when you've won". The guys didn't have enough money between them to cover the bet, and this shamed them so badly that they apologized to the little man and walked away, heads down and shoulders haunched.
musclenugget92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:44:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is awesome, Bravo.
tonenine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A kind act pays off. When I was growing up my neighbor had a built in pool which in the seventies was a BFD. Anyhow, one August day she invites me to swim in it. After a while there, I come up from a dive to see the owner choking. Soaking wet, I jump out of the pool and give her the Heimlich maneuver, (or at least my version of it). I saw that she belched out something but it wasn't like a projectile chunk of burger or anything so solid. Anyway, I didn't think anything of it but she told others I saved her life, so there's that...
Liies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Randomly posting a comment in an /r/music thread last year helped me pay my rent when I was unemployed.
Safros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I once translated Russian government documents to english for the US Military. Also I had only been learning Russian for 6 months and it wasnt in a class environment. So theres that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When me and my sister were younger, we'd sometimes go to the toilet together to keep each other company. The bath is opposite the toilet, so she'd be sat on the toilet and I'd be sat on the edge of the bath chatting to her whilst she took a dump or whatever. When she'd finished and needed to wipe she told me to face the other way and not look, and I obliged as I always did. Suddenly I heard a splat sound...like...right next to me. I asked her what was going on but she didn't reply. I turned around, stood up and asked her again 'what was that!?'. Again, no reply. Then I turned around....and looked at the bath. There was shit EVERYWHERE. All along the side of the bath where I'd been sat. I can only assume she'd wiped from back to front with such speed that it had whipped the shit up from her ass and flung it onto the bath (other theories as to how it happened are welcomed). Of course I screamed and burst out laughing. She began to cry and begged me not to tell mum, but alas, mother had heard my screams and asked me what was going on. I was laughing so hard I couldn't even breathe, I just pointed to the bathroom.
Jaymakk13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Me and my roomate were renting a 3 bedroom house in NC. With only two of us we decided to look for another roomate to help out with the cashflow. We put an ad on craigslist lookin for a roomate. We get a few responses, one guy wants to move in but says he likes to walk around nude. Nope. We get a reply from a chick, she looks decent. Hell we are two single guys in our late 20's early 30's so fuck it. We chat around with her. She lives out of town and wants to move to our area. We arrange a time to meet up and her check out the house in a weeks time.
The day before the meet up she emails me and says she has somethin shes been hidein from us. She is a tranny. We are open to it and me and my roomate discuss different things. Like what if she brings a dude home and he freaks out? Do we protect the new roomie? Yes. What if said dude stays the night, doesnt freak and does the walk of shame? Do we act like we know new roomie has a dong? Nah, fuck it.
Well new roomie never shows for the meet up. Emails us the next weekend and offers to pay a months rent up front to hold the room for her. Bein kind of aggrivated with the no call/no show we decline the offer. She offers a few more times. Each time more money. Nope, nope, nope. Then we get an email. She wants to pay us 3k if we drive to a hotel near her and let her watch us beat off. All in the same room, same time.
Bein the broke asses we were at the time. We don't have the money for the gas to get there. Cuz i sure coulda used that 1,500 bucks a few times.
TL;DR: tranny offers me and my roomate 3k to let her watch us beat off together.
agumonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, we noticed a very generous guy giving away soda cans to all his buddies. Noticed the weird way he inserted two coins with no gap between them. A few attempts with different coins and gestures, and I managed to replicate the science.
Turns out if you insert a 1 followed by a 10, back to back if I may say so, the system gets confused, ingesting the 1unit as a 10unit, and letting the 10 fall down back to us.
We were greeted by a fresh beverage, our 10unit coin, and of course the money back, 5unit a can, since the machine thinks we gave 10, we got 5 back.
The sound of getting more money than you put is a very pleasurable one.
tl;dr; diverted a vending machine as a real life jackpot.
ps: this didn't last long, the next month some techie came to tweak the sensors to avoid false positives.
Level21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had a threesome in a church. The details are too crazy to believe so I just keep it to myself when the topic of sexual conquest comes up... so I just tell people I had sex in a gondola instead.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SPOOFE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:51:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Depends. The only Mexican momma's I ever knew would either laugh it off as a lark... or beat your ass and then laugh it off as a lark. Which one's yours? :)
Raul-Yang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I think that was the entire point of writing it like that. It felt very "Breaking Bad"esque
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Walking back from a gas station in Denmark with my friend when all of a sudden we hear frantic honking coming behind us, which turned out to be an insanely fat guy on a moped who flies by us and stops up ahead. At this point my friend and I did not see that he had stopped so we started cracking up because of the strange combination of a fat guy on a super small moped/motorcycle. The fat man waddles his legs around up ahead of us and struggles to take his helmet off, then finally succeeds in forcing his helmet over his numerous neck rolls, revealing missing teeth and a very serious lazy eye. He then proceeds to scream in Danish, "You fucktards! You see this helmet?-- I'll fucking break your skulls in with it! Fucking prep-school bastards laughing at me!" My friend and I just stare, trying to contain ourselves from the completely unexpected encounter. The fat man again struggles to put his helmet over his fat head and waddles his legs around trying to get balanced on his moped. He punches the gas up the small hill we were walking up, and a I swear, i could have ran faster than he was going. It is still the funniest memory i have i think-- an extremely fat man on a tiny moped furiously trying to storm away from two people who apparently must have gotten in his way or something. It was too much for me or my friend to handle, and we just lied down and laughed so hard it hurt for almost 15 minutes.
musician1023 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
one day in highschool....
i had sex..
and..
nobody died.
the end
Kobaloss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In grade 3 or 4 I came into possession of a holographic Charizard card. Little me had never been so happy. Life was good.
Fast forward a week or so and one of the older grade 5/6 kids is sitting across from me at lunch. This kid is what younger me would eventually learn to refer to as a douche. For some reason I ended up looking under the table for an extended period of time with my Pokemon cards sitting on top of the table unguarded. Upon looking back to the top of the table, both my Charizard and this douche of a person were nowhere too be found. Little me was heartbroken and probably cried but hey i was little and got over it.
Fast forward again to the end of grade 9 when we are taking tours of prospective high schools for the next year. I notice a guy in the halls who seems oddly familiar but I can't figure out why. He looks sad and miserable and alone and I see people make fun of him when they walk by him, poor guy. Suddenly I realize that this is the same guy who jacked my effing Charizard. All feelings of empathy for the guy disappear and we continue on the tour.
I never saw the guy again and didn't go to that high school I saw him in but man he stole my fucking Charizard and ended up being picked on in high school. Probably was karma...
Mid twenties me is glad he finally got to tell little me's story of justice.
kingoftheblumpkins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok so this one time about a year back I was 20 years old at this big house party. So anyway I proceed to get wasted with my friends and then I see a guy walking by with sunglasses (it's night). So I say to my friend joking about the kid "cool sunglasses you douche it's nighttime." Of course he hears me say it and confronts me. And this guy is huge by the way. About 6'2 210 pounds vs me I'm 5'9 170. He gets in my face and insists that we fight. I think I'm gonna die but I've been drinking and my friends would break it up before he would really hurt me. So I'm like fuck it fine I guess we are fighting. He hits me a good 4 or 5 times and my vision goes to doubles. I know he is going to knock me out so I back up a step grab the kitchen cabinet (yes we fought in the kitchen forgot to say that) and open it as hard as I can. This cabinet hits this guy square in the face and he falls like a tree. Guy is out cold and the whole party is dead quiet staring at me. And I literally run out with my friends and laugh about it to this day.
Tldr: got in a fight with a guy much bigger than me, knocked him out with a cabinet.
Hanshee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Went to Mexico with some family friends. I was getting revenge on my friend by peeing in a champaign bottle of his. He ended up bringing home a girl that night that drank a shit load of my piss. Felt super bad it wasn't for her. She didn't ever find out so I guess that's good.
starlorde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My brother yelled at me one morning because I was taking too long to get ready for school. I was tired and did not very much like his yelling so I grabbed the first object I could find and chucked it at him with full force. This time that object just so happened to be a pair of large scissors .Long story short: I ended up being grounded he ended up with a sprinkle sized scar on his back. We joke about this story all the time.
dihedral3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Tempting, but I stopped going to AA for a reason.
alowishusabercombie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was playing clarinet for the local municipal marching band. Since funds were low they gave us an old mansion to practice in. Anyway, we were rehearsing Handel's Messiah for the Christmas show. Conductor says one last time from the top, so we started playing, all goes smoothly. The finale is three long notes. Conductor gets all caught up in the passion and at the very last note the baton goes flying off his hand, hits and breaks the light bulb behind him, the central electricity switch goes down for some reason and the whole mansion is covered in darkness. I had to be dragged outside from a friend to leave cause I was in the fetal position laughing my ass off. One of the funniest moments of my life so far.
ProbablyNotAPeasant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've been waiting a while for an appropriate ask reddit thread to come for this story, but I havent seen any.
A while ago, I was at a bar, and a dude I know, but not very well asked me to wingman for him. He pointed out the girl and I tried talking him up a bit, but it wasn't working. She told me he should grow the balls to talk to her himself. So I gave up with that. About 10 minutes later I was talking to my friends when a bouncer came up to me and said "That girl you were talking to on the dancefloor, I want you to ask for her number." When unasked him why, he said he "was fucking her," and I didn't really but it together at the time but I guess he wanted to see if she would cheat on him. But from the little he told me I was really confused, and he noticed. He pulls out his phone and shows me a small collection of this girl's nudes. Drunk me thought I was getting invited to a threesome with a big beefy bouncer. I noped the fuck out of there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A friend and I were heading to the gym in bay area California. I want to say this was around 2008. We we're stopped at a red light and I joked that some lunatic was flying a plane as I pointed to the sky. It was a contrail, like what you see for high altitude airliners leaving ugly streaks across the entire blue sky, only this one was extremely erratic. It had two loop-the-loops in it, and it looked like windshear was tearing it apart in opposite directions at various altitudes, smudging the trail in strange alternating patterns.
We followed the contrail from the visible portion through the windshield (directly ahead, slightly below the traffic light in the distance), to the point of termination which was nearly directly overhead (we had to lean forward over the dash to look up).
Way up there in the sky was a bright white dot, super tiny but very bright dot, from which came what I would describe as a white fan, similar to a comets tail but much wider, something between 70 and 90 degrees and relatively short (although much larger than the white dot it came from).
We both saw it, I had enough time to say "what the hell is that?" and immediately the thing exploded. I kid you not, this "explosion" looked like a successful hit on Duck Hunt's clay pigeon game mode. Extremely uneventful poof, and the fan tail and white dot were gone with it. Like Wiley Coyote at the bottom of the canyon fall.
No explanation to this day what the hell it was. I assume a rocket, but I wouldn't expect that on the west coast.
Chilli_Axe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in primary school, I had an enormous crush on a girl in my class, who we'll call G. I think she knew that I liked her, and she might have also had feelings for me, but I never made anything of it. On the night of the school dance in grade seven (the final year of primary school in Australia), I approached her and asked her to dance. Because of how loud the music was, I thought that she said "NO!", so I proceeded to run to the bathroom and bawl my eyes out. I kind of avoided her for the rest of the year, and emailed her the year after. She told me that she actually said yes, and I didn't know what to do from there. My sister advised me to be kind of condescending to her in our emails, so they stopped pretty quickly. I haven't spoken to her since, unfortunately. She was a great girl.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
your sister is a dick
nesuzak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder what the email looked like. Upvoted.
Jonviral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Saw a man drink a bottle of dip spit that has been baking in the az sun for lord knows how long. Wad and all.
lotrfan12345 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
one time I had a hypomanic bipolar episode and had to get sent to a psych ward for 6 days against my will. I was writing on the walls and shit. Hard to bring up because after telling people they no longer trust me/assume every odd thing I do is a product of insanity.
BaronDeSpireal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:28:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for my unprecise english, but let's go.
When i was fourteen years old or so, i had encopresis, which is a illness that makes you randomly shit your pants (sorry, but that's the hard truth). Everybody knew (and smelt) that. Needless to say, I was quite the easy target in school.
I used to go back home by bus. But one day, the bus driver refused me the access, because she had to "clean and perfume everything". She just told me to get out of her bus. The victim i was back then didn't try to answer and just went to the teachers, crying. The director of the school eventually drove me to home, when i told my parents everything. And this happened several times on the same year.
So my father, who was working for the school transportation company, basically told the driver to stop bullying me.
She didn't like that, so she made a petition to say she didn't do anything wrong, and that every pupil that took the bus could confirm that.
I was on the bus when the petition was circulating. As she was very popular and as i obviously wasn't, everybody signed it, after glowering at me. That's the lamest i ever felt in my life.
Fortunately, she did eventually stop refusing me access.
TL;DR : My parents told a bus driver to stop bullying me, so she made pupils sign a petition to support her, thus bullying me more.
cannedbread1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:30:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I fell off a cliff as a 9 year old and landed into water with rock pointing directly up. Imagine upside down V. I cut the inside of my vagina, blood everywhere. Got back to the boat, blood everywhere. Went to hospital next day and doctor said it needed stitches but given the location let's watch it a few days. Blood slowly stopped seeping out after a week or so. Had to wear a pad, was awkward. I now apparently have a little scar. :)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:31:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8, I entered a Queen's portrait competition through my primary school. The winner would receive a trip to Buckingham Palace and have tea with the Queen. I gave it my best shot + managed to reach the final shortlist. I didn't win, but I was told that my portrait was shown to the Queen herself!
con420247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:31:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
While backpacking through Europe I stopped in Barcelona to do some skateboarding because at the time it was a hotspot for it. I was skating around the MACBA (modern art museum in Barcelona, and awesome skateboarding spot!) and got cast into a commercial. I figured it would be a cool way to make a couple bucks and a funny story to tell from the journey. I didn't see the commercial for years, nor was i a fan of soccer, so i didn't realize till later on that i was a few feet away from Zinedine Zidane in the commercial. It can be seen here, i'm the guy at the :01, and :04 second mark walking past Zidane. You can only see the back of my head at the :04 second mark though.
swedsson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:42:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Im probably too late to the party but i think this story is a great one.
I have a friend who lives in a pretty small place a bit out to the countryside. However, he was on his way home from a party and was walking through the forest on a trail besides their horse enclosure. Then he feels tired or something, that doesn't matter. What matters is that he climbed a tree and made himself comfortable, and fell asleep. When he wakes up an unknown amount of time later he decides to walk into the enclosure and try to get up on one of those horses. At first he's not especially lucky, then he gets the idea that if he stands very still, the horses will come to him. This works, to a degree. But he does not manage to get up onto a horse, fortunately. But then he gets pissed, he keeps doing the same thing standing still and waiting for the horses. At this point on the other hand, the guy scares the horses as much as he can when they get as close as they would. This results in one of them bursting through the fence and more of them following the first one. He proceeded to go find all the horses, guide them back into the enclosure, walk home, get a fencepost and a sledge to hammer it down into the ground and then attach the fence again. This last part took him 3-4 hours. TL;DR: Friend fell asleep in a tree, wanted to go horseback riding, the horses fled.
Tog_the_destroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:44:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My dad and I were going to the Fit-Expo in Los Angeles at the Convention Center the same day that the Grammys were happening at the Convention Center also. We're walking by and a big security guard asked us to leave. My dad without skipping a beat pulled out his Grammy voter card, the one he has had since 1978 and simply said, "doesn't this get me in?" He was totally bluffing and the security guard's reaction was priceless. He was not expecting some random guy on the street to have that card and he told my dad no, with a laugh. My dad told him he was just kidding and we went to the Fit Expo. On the way back to our car I saw Ron Jeremy. Fin
Maxkjaer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:47:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I skipped an academic year ahead, Moved to a foreign country to study alone (technically illegal) Cook my own food wash my own cloths and I'm 15. I don't usually ever bring it up because it sounds quite pretentious, like "Look what I can do!"
cauners ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There was a girl (let's name her X) that had a crush on me in university whom I denied because I already was in a relationship. Our university does this carnival type party where there is booze and music all around the place. Me and my gf were dressed up as Mickey and Minnie. We got pretty drunk and sneaked inside a pottery classroom, where some hot stuff happened.
A day later we had a pottery lesson inside that very classroom, and little did I know that we had done the nasty on the table where my classmate X usually works.
She approached her table and saw two fine buttock and palm prints in the dust (you could'nt mistake it to be something innocent) as well as.. a Mickey's nose I had lost there. She was kinda puzzled until I (and I regret this now) reached and took the nose saying something along the lines of "sorry, I think that belong to me." She looked at me with a look I'll never forget and that's about it.
TL;DR - Mickey screwed Minnie, lost his nose and pissed of his crush
tfdraggit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:06:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When i was a kid (about 6) in Norfolk, Virginia, my family and i visited the navy ships, and the command center. that day i pressed a big red button that sent the ship alarm on, it was really loud... best day ever.
justinDreamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My story
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:37:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
tiamariamix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It was him. You'd know if you shit yourself.
soul_puppy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Seven and a half years ago, I went to a gentleman's club named the Silk & Lace (AKA: the Silk & Disgrace). It would be my last visit to such an establishment. A friend and I are sitting, twards the back, chatting nicely and enjoying a pitcher, when two rather thuggish individuals walk in. I believe one was wearing a synthetic chincilla coat with a ubiquitious rediculous hat.
Meanwhile, a homely lonely-looking guy is sitting on perv row looking for a dollar dance. Chincilla steps behind the man and proceeds to make it rain, completely distracting the dancer. The lonely guy looks distraught.
I take it upon myself to point ot to chincilla that his behavior in this instance is rather rude, and perhaps he should postpone his storm until the other gentleman's dance was done. I should note; my friend was actively boxing at the time so I was comfortable shooting my mouth off. Chincilla suggested we fight, but thankfully we were able to diffuse the situation without violence.
Shortly after this another gentleman approaches our table. He's dressed for country line dancing. Very politely, he asks if he may join us. He pats me on the arm and states, "I saw what you did there, and I really appreciate it. I just got out of prision three weeks ago, and I'm going to cave that nggrs skull in."
My friend and I promptly left. I have not been to a strip club since. There was a Ferrari in the parking lot.
ForTheRavers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:22 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This ^ was intended to address the below replies, not the original story, sorry...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: gold hunting stories that never happened
The end.
A_favorite_rug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:36:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.reddit.com/r/Shardsofpreth/
This subreddit is trieing to make some sort of text base thing, but now it seems it might die, and it has a awesome thing going on, shame it might be a abandoned subreddit.
myztry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cancer...
IrrationalBees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The other day I kicked the doorstop and it went right into place, at the bottom of the door. I was just trying to kick it in the doors general direction, so that was kinda cool I guess
Fwoggie2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 21, finishing off Uni and have a job interview the next day 150 miles away so head off to stay in a bed and breakfast for the night. My parents are also away for 2 nights (can't remember why), which leaves my 17 year old brother on his own for 1 night. They carefully explain to him under no circumstances, ever, period, nope, don't think about it, etc etc should he take advantage of an empty house and throw a party.
Being 17 and a twat, that of course is exactly what he did.
My job interview goes OK and by the time I get back it's about 4pm in the afternoon. The first thing on walking in the house is clocking my bedsheets hanging on the washing line in the garden which raises my suspicions, no way is my brother gonna wash his big brother's bedsheets to be nice. I find him in the lounge, staggeringly hungover, desperately (read: very slowly) trying to fill a big rubbish bag full on beer cans. He already had one full bag; he must have had at least 2 or 3 dozen people round the night before judging by the mess.
Several of the parents beloved Waterford crystal glasses were missing (they'd been smashed). The place absolutely reeked of alcohol. The dog was traumatised; it heard me come in, launched itself out of its bed like an exocet missile and then clung to my ankle for the rest of the day whilst shaking like a leaf, refusing to move more than a foot away. With much patience, I coax it out of my brother (who can barely string a sentence together) that my bedsheets were being washed because one of his mates had thrown up all over my bed (WTF).
Just then the phone goes. Little brother is in no state to talk to anyone, so I pick it up. It's the parents so I put it on speakerphone. They had a lovely time wherever they are, and have decided to come a day early. Instead of tomorrow, they'll be home in 3 hours. No problem I say - we're fine - then hang up. The look of sheer terror on little brother's face is a picture - I can recall it even now, 13 years later. This is going to cost you, I told him. Frantic nodding. A lot. Frantic nodding. A case of beer. Nodding, whilst looking very queasy at the mere thought of alcohol. A 24 can case of beer, not a 6 can case of beer, I said. He reluctantly nods, not liking the thought of alcohol, going greener by the second.
Anyway, the mother of all cleanups is then launched, and we're still doing it when we get home. He'd shampoo'd all the floors, I'd scrubbed various vomit stains out of sofas, off walls, cleaned all the toilets, etc etc. Nothing is said. Somehow we'd got away with it. Apparently the police got called by the neighbours due to the noise and drunken teenagers roaming around, but the parents didn't find out about that either. I got my beer payment; he tried to wriggle out, but I blackmailed him by threatening to grass him up for what he did. He paid up.
3 weeks later, I'm quietly studying in my room upstairs at home when Dad comes running down the stairs swearing blue murder. Dad is ultra laid back, and never ever swears. But he was in one hell of a towering rage, so I'm like WTF is going on and pop my head out and look down at him. He's scarlet with rage. Held at arms length (he has washing up gloves on) is a used condom. Is this yours?!? he demands. I'd like to make a sarcastic comment along the lines of I wish, but think better of it and simply say no. It must be yours, he says. I nope repeatedly, because it isn't. Well I just found it under my bed. I firmly nope out of there. Don't know nothing. Well how did it get there, he asks. I guess it's my brother's party that we covered up, and say nothing. Parents know when their kids are lying and know when they're telling the truth, so he realises I'm not the culprit and charges off after little brother who's out for 2 hours at football practice, which is bad as it gives Dad time to work up even more of a rage.
It all comes out of course. Little brother holds his hands up throwing the party but denies it was his condom, figures it must have been someone else at the party as he didn't get laid. I'm dying of laughter inside in the corner, it's the only time I've ever seen Dad totally lose his cool, he went ballistic, I thought he was gonna punch my brother. Little brother gets grounded for a full 3 months(!) - they escorted him to school and waited for him outside the gates when it finished (which is not good for your street cred when you're 17).
TL;DR If you're gonna throw a party at your parents house when they're outta town, don't invite too many people, and check under their bed afterwards for any used condoms...
BlahBlahBahBah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:03:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Had my prom yesterday. Me and my girlfriend danced for hours and I told her I loved her. No response but I love her so I'll keep trying. My friend talked me into going to his hotel party and I get there and its just me and him for a while. Friends start showing up and everybody but, Ill call him Tim, shows up. Nobodies seen Tim for hours apparently. Tim has narcolepsy so everyone is terrified he crashed and is hurt but theres nothing we can do but notify the police. Even then he could have been anywhere in the city or surrounding counties so were just sitting around waiting in the hotel gym. Then we here he was at the hotel in some parking garage close by so without words we spring up and start to look for him. Naturally I didn't bring extra clothes and my friends mother gave me a t-shirt and gym shorts to wear, so at the time we heard he was somewhere nearby passed out I was barefoot in gym clothes. I think I ran 3 miles in the course of an hour searching 2 parking garages twice, tearing up my feet something fierce. I was previously working out because I had nothing better to do and was already tired. I ran until my body ached. I searched for his car like I was looking for a pot of Irish gold. Feet blistered. Lungs burning. I didn't stop for anything. Finally we had searched all the parking lots and garages and went back to the hotel. We thought we'd done all we could and the cops started to take care of it. They found him okay and brought him to the hotel to hangout with us since its his only prom night and we shot the shit until maybe 5 in the morning. Then I left, went and went to walmart. Mothers day is today so I got my mom some roses and a card in my tuxedo at 6 in the morning and came home with my friend. Hell of a prom night.
Rip_Dat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
U rite good
TheJiminator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My dad used to play football (soccer) on week nights with some friends. They played on an indoor pitch (JJB for those from the UK).
One day they were playing and the ball got stuff in the rafters on the ceiling.
So my dad thinks throwing his shoe at the ball will knock it down. It didn't. It too got stuck.
Realizing that having one shoe is just as bad as having none, he throws the other one up.
Everything fell down.
dlbear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
2 stories re: my keen eyesight as a kid...
I grew up in a tiny village, living in a huge house that had been a hotel in the 1880's. Came home from playing and realized I had dropped a quarter in the driveway when I pulled something else out of my pocket. I immediately spotted it and when I bent to pick it up I noticed something odd from the corner of my eye. I had found a Chinese coin which I eventually dated to around 1850. I still have it around here somewhere.
I've told this one before on reddit elsewhere. I was walking down the road outside of the same village and found a HS class ring with the initials RHM on it. Pocketed and thrown in my "stuff" box. Some time later my brother and his best friend were both home on leave from the Army, I overheard Ron M tell my bro about how he had lost his class ring while hanging his arm out of a car window along that same stretch of road. I retrieved the ring and asked him what his middle name was. You should've seen the look on his face when I handed it to him.
Edit:Another story along a different line... About 10 yrs out of HS, my new GF says I should come and spend the weekend at her place, 4 counties and ~100 miles over from my abode. She wants to go to a bar she really likes, I'm good with that. We enter and I immediately see a guy I haven't seen since HS. She looks at me all weird and says "Wow, you really know Gary?" What are the odds?
_mitton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
A bit late, but last week I had a scary experience. It was a nice sunny day in Northern England and me and a few friends were walking through some woods smoking weed. We sat on a really old tree for half an hour and decided to explore some more. We came to a barbed wire fence, which had a gap in at one part, so we decided to walk through it. We then seen some weird old as fuck wooden panels attached to some trees. None of us knew what they were so we decided to inspect them, turned out they were shelters from an old paint balling course. This is where things went downhill.
We were walking along the field looking for somewhere to sit and smoke, when I seen 2 huge Rottweilers next to a large house at the bottom of the field. I was high as a kite, and for about 4 seconds I tried to distinguish if they were in a separate field to us. Eventually I said to my friend 'dude there's 2 Rottweilers down there' and my friend shit himself. 'WHERE?' he turned around and shouted 'THEY'RE COMING FOR US', and we all ran faster than we ever had before. We were running uphill away from two guard dog sized Rottweilers. Me and one of my friends tried to climb the barbed wire fence, but it was too big. Eventually we found a broken part of the fence and threw ourselves over it, tearing all of our shirts open on the barbed wire. I landed face first from a 6ft drop. My other 2 friends ran all the way back to the entrance of the field and exited through the gap in the fence. When I turned around and looked at the fence after jumping over it, one of the dogs was there going apeshit. It must have been about 4m behind me when I jumped over the fence. Luckily some dude who lived in the area was walking his dog and seen the whole thing. Turns out we were on private land and the dogs were actually timid. Scariest experience of my 19 years so far.
TL;DR - chased by Rottweilers whilst stoned, jumped over barbed wire fence.
Xeeroy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in November I went to see George Watsky and Wax on their 'hug a hater' tour in Copenhagen, Denmark (my country of origin). I was supposed to go with a friend but he cancelled the day we were supposed to leave so I had to go alone. So I carpooled the 300+ miles it was to get there and met some very nice people along the way. I had brought to bags of cookies to make new friends since I was going alone and that was probably still my best idea ever. When I finally arrived at the nightclub where they were going to perform later I had a major problem. I actually almost panicked when I read the sign that said "the bouncer will give you a pat down, thanks for understanding"
And the problem wasn't that I mind pat downs in general. But I was in A big city where I didn't know anyone or had any idea where I would sleep that night. best case scenario I meet a cute girl and stay at her place and worst case I find a parkbench somewhere and hope it wont get to cold at night. Only problem is that I really didn't want to get mugged or anything so just in case anything would happen I had brought a little folding knife along. Now you may not know this. But In Denmark carrying any kind of weapons is very illegal and trying to bring one to a nightclub is a very big no no! So I'm standing there in the line with a weapon in my pocket and my heart in my throat when I get a brilliant idea. I casually kneel down to tie my shoelaces and subtly hide the knife in my sock at my ankles. I get back up quite satisfied with my genius idea and have another panic attack as the first thing I see when I look up is the bouncer checking a guys ankles during a patdown.. I immediately go down again to retrieve the knife and I don't know where to hide it next.
I end up standing in front of the line looking up at the HUGE bouncer who ask my for my name and some ID. Standing there with my heart in my throat and clenching my butt cheeks around the knife (fortunately it was a folding knife) and handing over my ID and honestly making this face and telling him my name. and he looks me in the eyes and says to me; "All right you go over to the lady over there and tell her your name and what concert you're here to see and she'll tell you where to go"
Tl;Dr I had a good time and made some new friends that I never saw again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Two years ago today....give or take a little change, my immediate family composed of self, wife, and daughter get home from long vacation. Not a week goes by, and I find this really cool red leather sofa that's being thrown out at the apartment complex where we live. So, I convince my wife that we can use it and that it's decent and maybe we could even resell it for something, if we finally decide it's not for us. I bring up the sofa to our place and we clean it up with alcohol, and then with sofa conditioners.
After about a day or so, we start getting really itchy. This itch is shy of the extreme sunburn itch where you have to scratch at your skin or go nuts.
So we decide to get rid of the sofa, and this in the midst of the regular cleaning regimend (which is a lot for most small families anyway). The itch doesn't go away...it's still getting worse...it's nearly impossible to sleep. It seems to be worse at night.
We look for obvious signs of bugs, but nothing is apparent. We call apartment management, we inspect the area several times....but they don't find anything either.
We go to several doctors both regular doctors and dermatologiests. Regular doctors suspect skin infestations, but dermatologists never find anything and are always sceptical that anything exists at all. They continually say "it's al in your head" even though there are three of us, and it's happened to all three of us at precisely the same time. General doctors occassionally prescribe things, but are never effective enough to eliminate terrible itchiness all of the time.
We move several times. The apartment complex has a carpet floor whch seems to assist at increasing the itchiness. We find places that have no carpet so as to be cleaned much easier.
We give up on doctors for a while and focus on house cures...which seems better than doctor assisted cures, but still less than perfect and requires an extra thousand dollars in cleaning per month between the chemicals and electricity. This goes on for several months.
Finally we decide to try one of the most famous hospitals in all the US. We go to a dermatologist there. Same thing happens. Dermatologist acts like nothing is observable, so must be nuerological. Couldn't possibly be skin issue. We complain to the department, the hospital and the medical system for the state. Everyone comes back and says that what they did was correct and proper...but we're still sick. I'm becoming increasingly suicidal from this. Not really just from the itch...also from the fact that these "expert doctors" don't know shit. They also seem really happy not to know their shit, not to help patients like us who are in desperate need, and above all to pretend they are righteous above reproach. It makes me sick....more than I already was.
Eventually...many months after we stumble on a special hard to find medicated soap (creoline soap) and this helps immensely, and after a couple of weeks completely.
I would be happy to share all of this with the US medical community, but the truth is that dermatologists are so sure of themselves, they'll never hear out a layman that tells them they are wrong. They would rather put them through hell (because that is the generally accepted treatment).
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Did they take some biopsies of the effected areas? It's quite possible it was neurological, which simply means it was related to the nerves in your skin... That's not that same as it being in your head, which would be termed 'somatization.' Did you get referrals to neurologists and turn them down? The issue is that if you don't actually know what was wrong, then you can't know for sure that it was 'cured' by the soap. Also, where did you go on vacation?
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Nobody gives a shit in the US system to take any kind of biopsy anymore. You can insist upon it, and still they don't care.
It was a waste of time to fight a system that didn't want to help when I was losing my own sanity. The healthcare system in the US (doctors included) is a series of sick fucks. As long as they get paid and "correct actions" are taken, they care zero about effectiveness, and zero about patient outcomes.
We went on vacation at the same place where we later had found the soap which was a cure....Dominican Republic. These bars of soap are 70 cents on the US dollar over there, and extremely effective.
Since having this happen...I've heard of several other families getting similar problems. They don't even bother with the "useful" medical system. They went straight to the damn creoline soap...avoided the zero fucks scenario all together.
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You didn't tell me where you went for vacation...
Starg8te ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I met the kid who killed Mickey Thompson.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:43 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TeHP1nkSh33p ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:15:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
you'd just hurt her more the longer you delay it
NymeraZ53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The sooner you tell her how you feel about the relationship, the sooner both of you can move on. It's not fair to either of you to let it drag on when you know you or your S.O. are unhappy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:42 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was with someone for five years and felt the way you do. We eventually broke up - she's married now. Your current GF will get over it. Trust me.
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:38 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Rip the band aid
HallucinatingDrummer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've hung out with Axl Rose before and he was a super nice guy.
kfruityattacky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That me and my best friend had a make out session last night because neither of us had a SO and it was beautifully amazing. But the rest of our friend group couldn't handle it if word got out.
questioneverything77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 22 and recently got circumcised. Curious to track the progress, I took a fair few pictures (some of which are very very gruesome, i.e. blood everywhere). These photos automatically upload to my dropbox account, which is no big deal, they're my photos. On a related note, I have a sister currently living abroad who always wants to see photos of her niece, my daughter. Needless to say, she signed into dropbox hoping to see some pretty pictures of her beautiful niece and instead found many zoomed in photos of her brother's butchered penis.
MasterpieceMystery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at a computer shop. I had been there for a little more than 5 years. A lady called up to see if we were able to remove Windows login passwords. I told her we can usually do that, as long as the password is a Windows password and not a hard drive password or BIOS boot up password (some people don't know the difference). She said she would be bringing it by later that day. After I got off the phone, my coworker asked who that was and I told him her name. He said something like "Oh that's the lady from a job-site I was at last week. Her daughter just died, that must be the daughter's laptop she wants the password taken off of." So, sure enough, this lady brought in her daughter's laptop. Even for a quick job like this, we usually ask customers to leave their computers with us for a short time while we work on them. Usually I would be working on 6-10 computers at a time, while answering the phone and taking customers that come in. So a 5 minute job like this, could easy take an hour because of interruptions. This was a Windows Vista computer, I booted up to the Microsoft DaRT disc, reset the password to something else, then rebooted the laptop, logged in with this new password and went into control panel to remove the password. You then need to run a command to disable password expiration, but I digress. Now, usually we'll just call it done right there but for some reason I opened up Google Chrome and found her web history. There were Google searches for things like "best way to take heroin" and "how to safely use heroin". This is where I made a dicey decision... I decided to clear the deceased girl's search history. Something told me that if I were dead, I wouldn't want my parents seeing my search history. But now that I think about it, I often wonder if the mother saw what her daughter had been searching for, things would have been easier for her to deal with in some way. I'm not sure if I dun right or wrong. But that is my story.
PotatoHaulerBubbaBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The day, I ripped my pants.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Go on.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I had the chance to be a proffessional football/soccer player. I was 9 or 10 years old when a football scout comes over to review me and asks my coach if he can get in touch with my dad. Over the next day or two he talks to my dad and asks him if I was willing to do a trial and head to Scotland to join their team. He told my dad I wouldn't e getting my game for the first couple of weeks because there is another kid who plays in goal who needs his game and I say I don't care. Literally a day or two before I'm to go to Scotland on trial my friend asks me to join the local Gaelic club so I ask my dad if I can and he says no (Obviously) then I threw the tantrum that changed my life... I said I wouldn't go to Scotland if he wouldn't let me join the club and he says why going to Scotland is a big deal... You know what my young, stupid mouth says? I said I don't want to play football because being in goal is boring... Ended up not going to Scotland, am now still playing Gaelic (But really I'm just getting my arse warm for half an hour a week) and now all I want is to be in Scotland playing for that goddamn team ;(
Pleasegivemedonuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8 there was a bully at our school. We would play Kickball, and he was the most popular, and he never let anyone into his Clique, or kickball team. So one day I was playing kickball against his team, and I smacked one right in his face. He got so angry and started crying, the teacher came over. But she couldnt do anything, I just said it was an accident and he was in my way.
WillyStillHasSpirit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
the story of how my 14 year old girlfriend turned out not to be pregnant... ):
kindasortanerdy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got a 100 on my pre-calc test. (it was on limits, which is easy, but I'm still proud). I also made a pick up line regarding limits
rockairglue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta know; What's that pick up line?
kindasortanerdy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:27:42 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ay, gurl. you're a function with a removable discontinuity and i'm the re-defined piece-wise function that fills your hole.
BoboTheTalkingClown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wC42HgLA4k
dumbkid69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was in 1st grade, and as my username suggests, I was a really retarded kid. I remember I was with my friend who was a guy at lunch behind the building which was the cafeteria. There were windows that were opaque if we were looking in from outside, but from inside you could see 100% clearly. So we were giggling and showing our genitals to each other. He had his tiny little penis out and I had my pants pushed down and lower lips open to the world. The end of lunch bell went off, but we didn't hear. We spent about 5 minutes after the end of lunch playing around until the lunch lady came out and escorted us to the principal. //oh god why
jsityo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
IIT: people post make-believe stories for pretend internet points.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday I farted and it sounded like the noise when sonic jumps on a spring.
GoosebumpsAuthor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a college World Series game 2 years ago and all of a sudden we heard sirens. Everyone was evacuated into the area on the inside where all of the shops for food and etc were located. It was very very windy and I was standing near these stairs leading to a basement which was crowded with many people. There was a big metal rack with shirts on it right next to me. I leaned up against it not thinking much and it fell over. I hear an extremely loud crash and look behind me to see a man had been crushed by it. An ambulance came and took him away I have no idea what happened to him but I'm certain he didn't die because I kept up on the news for a while after this. I was 13 at the time and everybody believed the wind had knocked over the stand and that it wasn't me so I just went with it.
flodumalawi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a guy crash on a motorcycle in front of me, in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere. I was riding my bicycle, going home from work. I try to help him but he was bleeding really bad. He was concient but really drunk. I try to speak to him, but he was just delirious, and then he stopped moving, A car stopped near us, ask me what appened, I told him what I saw. The driver of the car told me he was a fireman and that he was going to take care of the motorcyclist. But the guy was dead. I've jump on my bike and just run away. I've never said this to anyone. Sorry about my bad english.
Sybre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at New York city for to march at the saint patty's day parade. We were getting off the bus and getting ready to move into our spot and one drunk guy went up to the most silent kid and friendliest kid in our marching band and screamed "THIS GUY WANTS THE PUSSY!" and walked away.
Jason_b123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ive had one of those shit days, but after reading this reddit i feel inspired to do something like this, its awesome too see how someone so unfamiliar to you can impact your life so heavily :)
BookMonger101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That some of the post in askreddit are posted by Government, fishing for information.
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:11 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
If I did them the favor I should get compensated, no?
onlinealterego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Woohoo!
aimark42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've been slowly pranking a co-worker over the last 3 weeks. Backstory: young guy buys VW Rabbit, when we all try to talk him into trying something a little more 'fun' apparently no other car is as good. So I made up some black vinyl decals, and have been adding one per day to his windows. The joke is: His rabbit is having rabbits.
He has yet to discover said rabbits, we are up to 10 now.
feeblemuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
see here for similar thread.
Keeta215 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you posted this on highexistence?
SamuraiCorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Someone in 7th grade tried to kill me over a boogie board
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not going to lie. I didn't trust any of these walls of text. CTRL + F "fiddy"
knasa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was 12 I was walking home from a freinds house and in a parkinglot I found a wallet. To my surprise I found, and I shit you not, $2100 CASH. Also some credit cards and a license. So I took the money the whole wallet and went home. Since I was pretty small at that time the wallet was bulging out of my pocket and my mom noticed. My mom and dad called up the guy to give his wallet back and then he showed up at our home to retrieve it. This selfish ass head didn't even reward me or say thanks for giving him his 2 grand back.
makenzie71 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow I just wanted to come in here and tell everyone about the time my dog rolled my hand up in the window of my car and I had to wait in a gas station parking lot for 15 minutes until someone else came in for gas and came over to help me.
As it turns out, according to these replies, I've never done anything interesting in my life.
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:20 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I find it interesting!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Summer of 1999, I'm a college student in Virginia. All the state ABC stores were closed for the evening, and so myself and 3 friends pile into our buddy's old Camero and set out for the West Virginia line about forty miles west, where alcohol is sold later. We progress into ever more rural, mountainous areas, passing scattered houses and little towns, with absolutely no sign of a gas station/liquor store/grocery, etc., and after an hour or so of tooling around in WV we start to get worried. Remember, younger readers, this is pre-Google maps, pre-smart phone, and I don't even think any of us had a cell...
So not too much farther down the road we come upon what appears to be a small bar, with a parking lot full of trucks and older model cars. Faint sound of country music (fiddle, guitar) coming from within. Being dumb college kids and all suburban/city types, we pull in and have a brief conference about who gets to go in and ask for directions to some place that sells booze to go. Again, being dumb college kids, the nominees are myself (6'2, skinny as hell, shoulder length hair) and the Puerto Rican member of our group. So, up to the front door we go. I push the door open, we walk in, and the scene is this: small bar with older, white-haired man serving beers, couples dancing, 3-man band in the corner with guitar, bass, fiddle... everyone in western wear and 30s-40s age group. It wasn't quite a "and the music stops" moment, but we were clearly extremely unwelcome. Literally everyone in this joint turns and stares hard, and the whole thing was almost otherworldly (although I don't believe in the supernatural, this was certainly scary in it's own way). My buddy and I glance at each other quickly, and I, being a dumb kid, say loudly "Wow, I guess we got the wrong place!", to which the old man behind the bar cracks a smile and then just start laughing like hell. We back out the door, walk very quickly to the car, climb in, and in what has to be one of the greatest instances of a spontaneous two-man lie ever concocted without a prior conversation, both tell the other two guys "dude at the bar told us there is a place that sells just a little farther down the highway". And away we go, "Swingers" soundtrack on full blast (yeah, late 90's, I know), and sure enough there was indeed a place, got two bottles of grain alcohol, headed back home, all was well. So far as I am aware we never related this to our other two friends, or anyone else. So enjoy, Reddit...
TLDR: Possibly almost got murdered at a honky tonk in West Virginia one rainy, dark night in 1999 on a college booze run....
unoriginalshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Were you attending JMU?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:30 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
VT, the weekend this happened I was actually visiting friends at JMU though. I turned 18 in the Waffle House in Harrisonburg hahah
unoriginalshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:50 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Weird! My parents met at VT and most of my family went there. I went to JMU and have been to that Waffle House many times haha.
jt663 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm getting tortured
Feral_contest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a marketplace looking at some pet fish and a 9-10 year old kid with a huge neck scars walks up with some scrap change and asks to buy a fish. He only has enough for a snail, though, one of those 'mystery' snails. His parents walk up, they look a little drunk (10am) and they scold him for spending his money before hand on lollies and walk away, leaving a dejected kid facing the grim prospect of snails. I asked the kid if he wanted some fish, he got pretty happy and said yes so I gave him $5 and went on with my day. Saw him later with a bag of fish and a big smile.
Tl:dr saved a kid from having to get snails instead of fish.
Whiskeytogo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like my cancer story?
SimplyQuid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
No, not your cancer story.
JNC96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I remember it like it was yesterday...
I was sitting in the library during fifth grade, on a friday, looking at pictures of women's boxing in a book ( Ah to be young and able to masturbate on that alone again, now it has to be Asian topless boxing, but I digress.)
That day for lunch I had a taco, and it was great. However, what I did not anticipate was the brewing storm inside me. As I was getting another pre teen boner, I felt jabbing in my anus. This excrementiously huge vacuum of stink was coming out, one way or another.
So I say to myself "Self, what are we going to do here?"
So I leaned to the side a little bit, and try to ease the gas bomb out silently. I had nervous sweats, I could feel it coming, I closed my eyes, and...
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP
The entire library fell silent. Then, in my pathetic attempt to cover it up, I started laughing, as did a few other people.
Then the stench came. It was like being punched in the face but by odor. The only smell that comes worse is belly button funk. Don't finger there ever.
The library had to clear out, and I was never found out, but that is a day that will live in infamy until I die.
Lola1212 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Since we're talking about custody hearings and parents I have one: I once stopped a plane for a few hours. I was 14, my brother was 7 and my mum with all of our family from her side moved to UK from Poland. My dad is not a very good person and said that she kidnapped us and that he wants full custody. He won in court, but said he cannot even come and pick us up. So when it came to going to the airport my mum took us and stated crying etc. I was just staring blankly into the space all that time. I had a plan. I took my brother and locked ourselves in a bathroom and refused to come out until they didn't make us go back to my father. First came the airport security, then police and a social worker. I kept refusing to open the door. We managed to stop the flight for 3 hours as we were minors at that time. That event managed to change the court ruling.
Panthean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate OD'd on heroin, I found him unconscious, not breathing, so I called 911, they instructed me how to give mouth to mouth while waiting for the ambulance. He ended up living, they gave him two doses of Narcan and he came too, then they took him to the hospital.
He is very grateful that I possibly saved his life, but its not really something I want to tell people we know because I don't want him to get into any trouble.
retarded_raptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was picking up a ex girlfriend from School. I wanted to freshen up my breath, so I took a swig of mouthwash I had in my car. I swished as hard as I could releasing millions of fishes from my gums. Once I was done I realized someone was in a car next to me. I didn't wanna spit and look gross, so I reached for a water bottle that was 1/4 full. I spit everything into the bottle just as my ex was coming to the car. Later on that day I was on the phone and she asks if she can have some of my water. Without even thinking I say sure. She takes a gulp and and then her faces turns sour. "this tastes weird" she said. I was in pure shock. I knew for sure she would kill me. She then continued to take another drink and finished the whole thing. 5 months later she said she was becoming a prophet for god and left me. I am not sure if the two are related.
brokeassdrummer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday, I was working out in the gym. It was ab day, and I was doing crunches on a mat. I dont know what I had eaten the night before, but I had been pretty gaseous all day. Anyway I was doing a long set and there was a rumble in my stomach, but I had to keep on going and finish my set. I held it off as long as I could but on the final crunch, an immense fart pushed violently out of me. It came out with such torque and power that I heard someone say "bless you" from across the gym.
I didnt finish my workout after that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:21 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I work for a company that has close ties to the Walt Disney company. About ten years ago, I was working at a public event where people could meet the various 'famous' voice actors from the cartoons. I.e. the voices of mickey mouse, goofy etc etc. The voice of Donald Duck was an interesting fellow and a generally unpleasant person and also a major diva. I'd never worked with him or met him, but this seemed to be the common perception of him. Apparently, at some point during this event, I did something to anger this guy so he took it upon himself to put a banana peel right in the area I was working in. It's been a while but I believe it had something to do with not getting him a bottled water fast enough or something. The floors of this venue were polished concrete and already somewhat slick. So, eventually the inevitable happens and I slip on this banana peel, and totally eat shit on this concrete. It was quite a fall. I did the splits, and also landed on my back in a weird way that really, really hurt. I get up, look around and this Donald Duck guy is laughing his ass off and signing people's creepy Disney memorabilia at the same time. He did it and it was pretty obvious. I had to go home.
Fast forward a couple of months. I begin having some back pain that comes from nowhere. I dont really connect it to the banana peel incident. Its nothing terrible, but its noticeable. Now fast forward 10 years. I'm a 32 year old person who has 3 degenerated bulding discs and has progressively worse back pain to the point of having great difficulties in life. It's difficult to work and my doctors can do nothing for me, so now I'm I a 'coping with chronic pain' course where I'm younger than the entire class by at least about 25 years.
My spine doc said this must have happened from an injury or a fall. We trace back through my history trying to to identify when this may have happened. After careful thought and consideration, I realize the only injury or fall I've ever had was the banana peel incident. I can't say beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is what caused my disc injuries, but the timing lines up perfectly and there's literally nothing else we can think of that would have caused this. FML.
Tl:dr. I slipped on a banana peel while at work that was purposely placed on the ground by an asshole guy who plays the voice of an asshole cartoon character and it's basically ruined my life.
RandomAccessMemoirs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I threw two numbered Banksy prints in the bin before he was famous.
jmk199191 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've never told anyone this story, only lies that somewhat tell the truth. I'll make it short as possible. For the record I'm male.
I move from MI to OH about 3 years ago for a job. Just turned 20 at the time. Completely started my life over, no friends, just a job, etc. It sucked. Anyways one night I got trashed drunk at my place with a few work friends, and their friends.
Party ended, and we were talking about chat roulette (whatever it's called), so a few of my buddies and I hop on there, see some boobs, talk to some cool people, the usual. Hour later I'm alone on this stupid website talking to people, I remember being pretty drunk I said some shit I wouldn't say sober. Nothing bad, call alcohol my potion for a small confidence boost. I finally come across this girl. I still remember this day like it was yesterday, she's 1/2 black 1/2 white, had a white V neck, and pink short shorts. I told her she had a 'nice rack', she laughed and said thanks. Wrapping this up in as few words as possible; I talked with this girl from 1am to 7am, about everything and anything that crossed my mind. I vibed with this girl, more than any other girl. Before we said our good-byes I asked if we can keep in touch, she gave me her number. Found out she lives on the west coast, and I'm still in OH. That was 2 years ago. I met her for the first time ever a few weeks ago at the college she's going to attend (on the east side), and she's everything I imagined, and then some. She's awesome. I would say perfect, but nobody is perfect. I'll never forget the moment I saw her actually knocking on my window to my car. I've never talked to this girl in person before, but we clicked like we had known each other our entire lives. Everything felt naturally... surreal. tldr/shitty story wrap up : Met girl on chatroulette(sp?), met her 2 years later, possibly wife material. side note - I suck at writing quick stories.
Asunder_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
A couple months ago I was at a friend's house and his son is obsessed with Thor. When I was over the little boy was decked out in full Thor costume and a plastic Miljnor, later my friend told me he has been in that costume for two days straight. Later in the day his little boy is running around handing this plastic hammer to everyone and they're acting like its really heavy, I get up to get a drink and he hands the hammer to me an at this time in the middle of the living room I decide to take the hammer is heavy thing to the next level. When he hands me the hammer I act like the hammer pulls me to the floor in a dramatic way, but I was too close the coffee table... So in my dramatic act I end up smashing my head into the coffee table an knock myself out for from what everyone told me a solid 3 minutes. When I woke up I had a big bump on my forehead and everyone around me started to laugh their asses off and my response to that was to raise my hands and flip them all off, for the rest of the day I was made fun of.
TL;DR Knocked myself unconscious with a plastic Miljnor.
Gyddanar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:32:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
so you went to get a drink and ended up getting hammered?
:P
Asunder_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got hammered and blacked out :D
joe-dirt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A mate of mine is in the British Armed Forces. Him and a group of his squaddie mates were going on a big night out to some local pubs. At the start of the night, they all put ยฃ10 each into a pint glass. It was a big group and it came to about ยฃ300 in the glass. The idea was that whoever did the most disgusting thing throughout the night would take home the money.
So the night begins and they're all doing some pretty horrible things; dipping their balls in their drinks, drinking and eating anything they can find, sticking fingers up each other's arses etc.
Anyway, there's this one guy who's been pretty quiet all night. He hasn't been getting involved in all the debauchery, he's just been chatting to a couple of girls in the corner of the pub. After a little while, he leaves the girls and comes back to join the rest of his mates. He's got his hands behind his back.
"Boys, who's got that pint glass? Bring it over here. Now watch this."
He pulls his hands out from behind his back and he's holding a tampon. Not a tampon that's in its wrapper, not one that's just been taken out of its wrapper, but one that's just been taken out of one of those girls he was talking to.
Our hero then puts the dripping tampon in his mouth, leaving the string sticking out from between his two front teeth. He then takes the string, pulls the tampon out of his mouth via the gap between his teeth, and swallows.
ยฃ300 to do a shot of period blood. Nice.
TrustMeImInternet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
As a sophomore in high school I lived on 10 acre plot, 8 acres of it was dense jungle. My father had been allowing his brother to "borrow" a portion of the land to raise pigs on the opposite end of the property. One day while exploring with my cousin we came into a clearing in the thick of the jungle where we found 16 pot plants about 5 feet high each, sparsely budding. We knew they were my uncles as he was known in the family to be a pothead so we left them alone. A week goes by and my cousin and I notice my parents having a heated discussion. After which they grabbed machetes told us to stay back and disappeared into the jungle. My cousin and I figured they had found the plantation and were going to confront said uncle. A few days later and we had not heard anything more about it so we strike out to go check the plants immediately after school before the parents got home. Turns out my uncle had gotten wind of the situation and was completely avoiding my parents so they retaliated by chopping all the trees down and just leaving them there. So my cousin and I scooped it all up and came away with a hefty amount of usable weed. My school had some kind of class where you can serve food at the cafeteria as a form of job training. My cousin hooked one of the guys up and we both got our meals free for the rest of the year. On top of that we smoked out the whole bus stop before school for like a month. We dabbled in trying to sell it but neither of us were very drug savvy. This was 15 years ago and there's never been any indication that my uncle or parents knew about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
NymeraZ53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, that sucks.
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:09 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, man.
hotdogflavor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The truth is never far behind You kept it hidden well If I live to tell The secret I knew then Will I ever have the chance again?
v1ct0rym0n5t3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:10:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
this happened to my friend. She lives in Rumney a really rough place in Wales. She only lives there because it is cheap and works in Cardiff. It was 6:30 in the morning and she was going to the bus stop to go to work. It's still pretty dark and she smells this guy absolutely stinking of weed. She decides to cross the road as she just wants to go to work. The druggie goes up to this house and goes "Ga, do you have any speed!?" to quote her "it was like the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Right in the open where anyone could here him Then the drug dealer goes "Sorry mate, the delivery doesn't come in til 8, I got some Mcat uf that's any good for you." I was nearly wet myself laughing when she told me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What happens after death.
Leoking938 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It may not be the best story but here is how I met my first real university friend:
On one of the first months of my freshmen year I was at the cafeteria at rush hour and there were no seats. I say this girl sitting by herself and asked her If I could sit with her and she said yes. We then talked about how we both were freshmen, we came from the same city and how we were kinda still figuring out this whole university thing. Note this was on a Wednesday. Next Wednesday same hour I went to get launch but this time i was with a group of friends from my humanities class. We were in the line for the register and the same girl asked me if she could sit with us and indeed had launch together again. Next Wednesday same story but this time I was alone, saw here again and ate launch together. I asked her if we should see each other on Wednesday official and ever since I have a launch buddy as she likes to call me. May not be the most exiting story but considering I left High school being very shy and then entered uni without many friends she helped me how to socialize with other people and Id say made me a better person.
equalnotevi1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:41:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Lunch. The noon meal is lunch.
natneo81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was really little, maybe first grade, I was over at my friends house. I was a good reader for my age, and I was arguing with her mom about being able to read her book. She said it was an "Adult" book, and too hard to read. So to prove it, she randomly opened her book and I began reading it out loud. To this day I remember the exact words I read. "Chip grasped her breast" Then she blushed and slammed the book shut, I barely got my fingers out of it. She said "Yes, thats why its an adult book!" and walked away, while me and my friend giggled.
Samson2557 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Liam was really the good one, and Noel was the one who manipulated everyone into thinking that he was the bad one
Skippy8898 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My sister had a bunch of Gerbils and our cat was eyeing them as supper. On more than one occasion we had to shoo the cat away from the Gerbil cage. One day though we got home and it was a scene out of a horror movie. There's blood everyone in my sister's room. Surprisingly, one Gerbil survived the attack. Unfortunately, he decided to escape via the sump pump where he drowned. RIP Gerbils.
MasterMedic1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:41:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I'm out in the country on my parent's friend farm and were all partying. We have a huge bonfire going, we have people swimming in the lake, and we have people watching the fireworks we are setting off across the lake.
Well we all start talking about how funny it would be if one of the fireworks poles landed in front of us. Well sure enough it did. So what had happen is a bottle rocket wasn't exactly built right and when we lit the fuse it took the little pole with it launching right into the sky. It went off and it was pretty. But suddenly that little pole landed right between one of the girls legs as she was sitting. If her legs hadn't have been opened she would have had quite an injury.
TL:DR: Bottle rocket went off with it's pole, bottle rocket exploded, the pole landed between a girls legs.
fuddface2222 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I went to the doctor about a blue bump on my face. She had no clue what it was and referred me to a dermatologist. I did my own research. It's called a Blueberry Muffin Baby. I might have cancer.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reading these stories made me realize that much more that I need to do things in life that will result in great memories and stories. Some of the best moments in my life happened because I broke out of my comfort zone. I love you all.
c2darizzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You lock your keys in your dorm room, there is a bong and an eighth of bud out in the open. The fire alarm is going off and the police are coming to turn it off. How fucked are you?
nonuniqueusername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My autobiography. I'm literally dying over the course of years in order to produce and tell this story.
theTechHippie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:07 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late to the party so i expect this to get buried, but here goes. I went out partying in Atlanta with my then-current girlfriend and her college friends. None of her friends were particularly cute, but not bad looking either. we are getting in a cab outside the bar to go home at the end of the night, and some loser is trying to hop in the cab with us and go score with one of my friends that he literally just saw for the first time getting into the cab. we tell him to beat it, but then he says "I'll pay for the whole cab." I say "sure, but you're getting dropped off first." Dude thinks for a second (he appears drunk), and then says "no, fuck it. Yall are all ugly chicks anyways." and he slams the sliding door of the cab (it was a mini-van) and bangs twice on the side of the car to send us off. Well, i wasn't particularly sober, and i didn't take kindly to him calling my girlfriend and her friends ugly. The look on his face when i roared out of the cab and came tearing toward him as he was trying the same shit with another load of girls was something so satisfying i will never forget it. His eyes were the size of saucers. Having played offensive line in highschool for a competitive school (many of my teammates and opponents went on to play line in the SEC), i fell back on something familiar for me and lit the guy up like he was a linebacker and I was blocking for an "up the middle" running play. i hit the guy with both hands on the center of his chest. hard. the impact threw him a foot into the air and then he landed flat on his back. he did not stir for a few seconds as i stood over him. he finally got back up and tried to come after me, but seemed a bit dazed. My girlfriend was pulling me back to the cab saying we had to go because about a hundred clapping people had just witnessed the scene. Our cab driver must have thought the guy deserved it, because when we got in the cab and told him to drive away quickly, he complied. I thought for sure he was going to stay and wait for the cops, but he was an awesome indian guy who probably was very tired of dealing with drunk and disrespectful assholes like that.
whenever we hung out with my girlfriend's friends after that, i always felt about 10-feet tall. they said on the way home that night, "i didn't know you had it in you." damn straight.
kirbyprower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember this, but apparently when I was about four, I had to go to the hospital because I busted my head open. When my dad and I were in the waiting room, there was some kid was was picking on me. This kid really annoyed my dad and he was about ready to say/do something. Just when he opened his mouth to say something, I said "(insert kid's name here)? That's a girl's name." The kid left me alone after that.
Omar_J_Simpson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:33 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They had a popcorn machine, fairy floss in bags and if you forgot your membership card you had to remember an obscure password that none of the family remembered because we hardly ever went there. Aaaand I just realised it was a blockbuster. Closed down, replaced by a TAB now.
ZeromusPrime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:49 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
April 10, 1912: Captain Edward Smith sinks the Titanic
April 10, 1952: My father Edward Smith is born
COINCIDENCE?
rennaps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:10 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
wow, and with that unusual name it certainly can't just be a coincidence can it?
FatEskimo97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:48 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I already know this is buried but feel like posting it. I've posted it other places and I'm just gonna copy and paste but whatever, it's not like a single person will see it:
Oh, and whenever you see "note " that means to make a mental note of it because it will become very important later in the story.
So let's start at when the plan for one of my friend group's (clique's I guess) legendary sleep-overs/parties started. It was a couple weeks ago. We decided to sleep over at (let us call him "M")'s house. We were gonna get totally smashed and head over to a couple parties and crash at this one chick's house. Now we are all 14 or 15, but we do this all the time and I get drunk every weekend. So M had a bottle of rum, I brought a little bottle of 120-proof Canadian Bourbonnote my friend Blake gave me, someone we will call J had 3 water bottles of vodka, and I also stole from my parents' liquor cabinetnote a water bottle of cognac mixed with whisky.
So the night of the sleep over finally came (This was the Saturday that just happened. All of this actually happened about 48 hours ago), and I went over to M's house. J, someone who will be referred to as P, and another who is C, were all there already. We played Xbox until about midnight, and then made sure M's parents were asleep.
Time to start drinking
J finished off the whole bottle of rum plus a few shots. C only took one shot but it was of the bourbon, P took probably 7 shots, I took 9, and M took 9 but 2 or 3 of his were of the bourbonnote . And we stayed over at M's house for about a half hour. Talking about philosophical shit, personal things we would never talk about unless alcohol was in our systems, and about how I was the new kid in their clique and they didn't really know how I was gonna be, but I came and they really fully accepted me. So we went to sneak out.
Earlier in the night we had learned that the parties we were supposed to go to had been canceled, so we just went over to the girl's house we were gonna go to. It was about a mile away, and it was 25 degrees and snowingnote , but all of us had coats.
Description of the walk
C started running for some reason, so I thought I should follow what he was doing. I didn't understand why everything on the ground was white and looked completely even, so I started to get lower and lower to the ground until I fell. I was helped up by P, and we all had a good laugh. We all just walked and talked about random shit. I had a bottle of vodka and the bourbon in my coat pockets. M was telling all of us that we were his best friends, but P was his single best friend because he knew him longer. P and I took a piss in the middle of the street, and it was all fun.
Right around here I blacked out and don't remember anything until we get to the girl's (B's (but K was also there)) house. But according to C when we talked about this today at school, I just randomly stopped talking, and just started walking straight, and in this time he saw both bottles just fall out of my hands/pockets but I kept on walking.
B's house (when shit started to go down)
M was completely fine until we got to B's. But as we made it to her back door, he dropped to his knees, started banging on the glass, and when she opened it, he stumbled in and fell on his face, out cold. K and B started to drink, and both took about 5 shots. K took a body shot off of P and off of me, and P started to hit on B while I sat with K. I had never met B or K before, unlike everyone else there. I was sitting in the same chair as K and laying on her shoulder/boob with my arm around her waist. Everything was going fine until M woke up.
He started to make a lot of noise and falling everywhere and yelling/pushing. B told us we had to leave and we tried to get M out. M started to yell stupid things when we would tell him we had to leave such as, "NO! We have to go back to Japan!" and he tried making out with B. When C reminded M that he had a girlfriend, he replied with, "The horse is yellow so it's ok."
Matt fell on the floor again and was crying whenever we would try to pick him up saying, "Pleases! Stops! Stop! Please! Stops! (etc.)" and he tried to kiss K's feet. He also pushed K and B, hard.
I want to give you guys some extra context here. M is 5'9 170lbs with a bench of somewhere near 250; J is 6'1 205lbs with a bench of the same. I am 6'1 150lbs with a bench of 150, P and C don't really have anything that involves strength of size in the story
We finally got M outside (J had to tackle him out the open door, and B had to lock it behind us). Right when this started to happen it was like BAM! Instant sober! (It was like this for everyone other than M at least). Once we got him outside he started screaming that he couldn't feel his feet (his shoes and socks had come off inside the house and there was no way that door was opening again) and he took a swing at J, who then tackled him again. M started to scream at the top of his lungs for about 5 minutes straight, and J gave him his own boots to keep his feet warm. J, C, and P all went to go get help from M's brother at M's house, but I told them I was staying with him.
After much of M screaming and me trying to calm him down, I got him to stand and lean on me while we walked. I grabbed toe boots that J left for him and we started to wade through the snow. Once we got to a random driveway, I made M lift his feet one at a time so that I could put the boots on him (which was very hard considering I was still kind of dizzy), and once they were on we started walking on the road. M started to lean on me with all his weight and I realized that his house was much too far away for us to make it in time before he got hypothermia and/or passed out.
I then had to make a quick decision, and I made the right one. I carried M to the nearest house, and started to ring the doorbell until someone would answer. I heard a voice from the inside yelling at me so I told him to let us in because M was freezing and we needed help. The jackass told us that he didnโt know us so he wouldnโt let us into his house at 2am, but he called the cops (there was about ten minutes of me screaming at him before he decided to actually call the police).
When the police got there, they came with a fire truck, a police car, and an ambulance, and Mโs dad. M was put on a stretcher and brought into the ambulance, and I was told by his father to get into the car. In the car was J, P, and C. I later learned that his dad pretty much saved all of our asses by telling the officer that he would handle it and to leave. None of us got an MIP.
Conclusion
It turned out that M had a blood alcohol level of 1.8 and that he had to be defibrillated in the hospital. He is never going to drink again and the rest of us wonโt drink for a very long time.
If youโre gonna drink, donโt overdo it. And we later learned this lesson: never drink on the same day as doing creatine. If you donโt know what creatine is it wonโt matter because you wonโt be using it. And stay fucking hydrated. Those were the reasons why that happened to M.
I will answer any questions about details or about anything (if you read it all).
Gamecock41 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:41:05 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You said m's name. Matt.
Ban this teenage pleb
FatEskimo97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:24 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yea I decided not to give a fuck anymore when writing it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:58 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I cry when my wife does so she doesn't have to alone.
Davebrochill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:19 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
RemindMe! 2 days 0 hours "Is it really Amanda?"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:26 on May 21, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My grandfather was a passionate inventor, always trying to make himself more efficient at doing work. When he was younger, modern butane lighters had not been invented or heard of (no lighters at all had been sold in the rural area where he lived), so he built one. He eventually decided to patent it and sent off his grant, but it got lost somewhere. Soon afterward another company patented the modern butane lighter.
When he was older he became an expert carpenter and electrician. He died pretty young in a tragic car accident, so I never met him personally.
TL;DR: My grandfather supposedly almost patented the modern butane lighter but the patent grant got lost.
sukangputi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:05 on May 29, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Well many of my friends don't want to listen to this kind of story so I'm telling you guys. Sorry for the grammar. Lol
My great grandfather was a Filipino soldier that fought against the Japanese during WW2 he was one of the soldiers that was forced to walk on "Bataan death march" along with American soldiers. He said that they sleep by digging on the ground and some would die sleeping due to fatigue, illness, dehydration etc. literally digging their own graves. And they would eat jalapeรฑo peppers just to cover the hunger they are experiencing.
So when they got to a bridge, (imagine seeing a river and you're really thirsty) a few of the soldiers ran to enjoy the water. The Japanese soldiers thought that they were escaping fired shots at them. Killing some and left there to decompose. While the people are running for the water my grandfather (along with other soldiers) ran the other way because the attention of the guards where on the water, making escape possible. He hid on the bushes and wait for the marching American and Filipino soldiers pass him. He said that it was the longest 25 mins of his life. They buried the soldiers who died running for the water.
He swears that if you would dig the places they've slept and the river side where he escaped you can find the bones of the soldiers who never made it home.
Most bad ass person I know.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:06 on September 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
posting to come back
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:14:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
definitely not true
Kurtinrox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
So the year was 2012, I was driving down the road minding my own business when I stop at the light. A friend pulls up next to me and starts revving his engine so naturally I prepare for a race. Boom the light turns green and we both screech off the line. I was driving a manual car so naturally I had the advantage. We hit green lights for about 2 blocks with no one in front of us, we were neck and neck. Then out of nowhere this cop comes up behind us. My friend veers off to the right and avoids the cop. Being a wuss at the time I gave up and pulled over preparing for the massive ticket I was about to receive.
The cop kept me waiting in the car for a while he called for backup. After 3 other cop cars came and then left presumably to try and find the friend I had been racing with the police officer came up to my window.
I said "Hi officer how can I help you"
he said"Son I'm going to need your license, registration, and proof of insurance please."
It took me about five minutes for me to go through my glovebox and find all that stuff. I had never been pulled over so I didn't even know what my registration even looked like.
After I gave him everything he wanted I asked "do you need anything else officer"
"โฆuh I need about tree-fitty"
Well, it was about that time that I notice that this police officer was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era.
I said "Dammit monster! Give me my license back I ain't giving you no tree-fitty"
Lord I was angry!!! But the officer gave me my license and registration back and let me off with a warning because I had no priors. I drove away and never looked back.
TL;DR Got pulled over street racing and cop totally let me go.
BeatnikThespian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Man this joke is played out.
bsbigelow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This won't be seen but I'll get some comfort in typing it out.
My book I spent all of college writing and editing: Jordan of Legend. A fantasy/adventure story about a boy lost on a world that falls somewhere between LOTR and Avatar the last airbender. Like many writers I felt I was the on the adventure and even felt the love and loss adventure and relief. But that's all just the ramblings of a madman.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
bsbigelow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I got it made into an ebook on smashwords and tried to get an agent but no dice. Hoping in the future to hire an actual editor and going from there.
SerendipitousWaste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is the story I made this throwaway for, which I ended up keeping due to supporting people. Please take the time to read it, it may inspire you...
Picture it, looking on longingly as a beautiful and funny girl walks past with her boyfriend that clearly does not make her happy for FOUR YEARS... Imagine. But then, you're finished with secondary school, you're probably upset she's leaving because she's 2 years older right? Wrong. She's taking a gap year to study in one of your classes... You start speaking to her coyly, you've never been shy with girls at all but you play it super safe with her, afterall you've been waiting for this moment for four years, just like everyone else that peers at her longingly has "Ahh look at ****** she look SOO hot" is a remnant as you start bulding respect for her and her struggle, you tell her about how awful your previous relationship was. Intimacy begins to build and you now start to laugh at yourself as you used to say to your ex "I swear I can change, we can make it work", "I'll never find anyone better than you", because this girl now, is one of the funniest, most beautiful, respectful girls I have ever met and you think that with no inkling of a doubt, she is top 3 amazing.
Then you hear her moan about how her muscles are sore from gym, you decide to offer her one of your notorious massages, in the privacy of your own home...
You get to your house, already in denial at the fact this angel is gracing your room, after 2 minutes of hugging you say "okay massage time" in the assertive manner you have become accustom to. She lowers her bra straps so as to not sully her respectful dementor and you start to massage her, she's blatantly loving it and you decide to hug her from behind sneaking in a sly kiss on the cheek. Why didn't she react badly? Tear me apart? Does this fantasy girl like me...? Then the time comes for your massage! She's going to touch your bare skin you pathetic weakling, at least tense your back a little! Good. You decide to stop her midway through your massage and lean back for a hug, as you withdraw your heads your eyes meet, lips no more then 2 inches from eachother, you smile at eachother vehemently, then close your eyes, peeping out to check if she is too... You both lean in hesitantly, I swear they only do this in films? Never mind, onto business, you kiss her with such care and she does to you. Then reality hits, usually connoted as negative but not this time, the reality of you, kissing one of the greatest women you've ever met, perfectly compatible to you.
Fast forward a week, she comes over again, you cuddle and kiss for an hour, whispering sweet nothings, then it happened. You ask her "Do you have feelings for me?" "I do, do you?" "I do"... Holyshitholyshitholyshit, she does, she does have mutual feelings for me. However, you both decide to take it slow, as she is still hurting from her awful ex and you want to respect her. Things are gradually progressing and your feelings for eachother grow as each day flies by.
Who would have thought that me, sheepishly saying hi 8 weeks ago would flourish into this, the odds of us both coming out of long term relationships at the same time, to fix eachother, her doing her gap year and us taking the same class together, THEN having a plethora of things in common, astronomical.
This is my story, I cannot tell anyone in my school in fears of rumour spreading and interference, so I had to get it off my chest, because I am so fucking happy with my beautiful, funny, kind, sweet future prospect and our future is glaringly bright together. That's my story /r/offmychest[1] what's yours?
Ramparamparoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My dad was in Toronto one day for work and he decided to take a short cut down an ally. But when he did there was this homeless guy who started to get in his face. My dad politely told him to fuck off and then the homeless guy started reaching for something in his pockets. My dad cocked back and knocked him out and kicked him a few times. He said the whole block stopped and looked. He told me it was awesome but I don't know as I wasn't there.
Knightmare982 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Okay so i'm a senior in high school and a friend convinced me to go to my school's video game club. I agreed to go and i went. When i walked in there was about 3 people in the room (no teacher to be found) and one kid in the back was jerking his shlong while holding a leaf. He busts his nut in the leaf and then smacks a kid with the nut covered leaf. No one said anything to the teacher
MrPurplePhoenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My family and I are on vacation at Disneyland right now. At about the 11:30 pm mark last night we finally made it to Tomorrowland. Which has Autopia, it's an attraction that let's kids as little as 40" tall to drive cars that are sort of on tracks ( basically there is a thin median under the car to keep you on a general track ). So my mother lets my 7 year old sister drive her own car, she was the 2nd car from the front. So it's time to mash the gas and go, but she keeps just giving it enough gas to jump forward and then comes to a complete stop. Meanwhile about 10 cars pile up behind including my car with my mom riding passenger. The whole time I was dying laughing, my mother and I were in tears laughing as everyone behind us was yelling "DRIVE!!!!!" It was the funniest part of the day. The best part was that she totally ruined it for the other 7 cars that weren't filled with our family.
leadnpotatoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Harrison Ford answered my ama question. I'm not telling anyone to keep my account secret from the people I know.
1jb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: scroll to bottom of each post before reading to make sure it isn't a tree fiddy story
Adoro_Te_Devote ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The story of serial killer Kermit Gosnell. Many mainstream media outlets avoided covering it. .I wonder why...
rodmandirect ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:30:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm from Philly and am very familiar w Dr. Kermit. I read an interesting post-conviction interview with him in Philadelphia Magazine... Here it is.
Adoro_Te_Devote ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:14:57 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
There is a movie project about this story that was censored from Kickstarter but just broke the crowdfunding film record with 2.1 mill raised on Indiegogo..looking forward to watching it.
jmaster76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in Burma in '64 I shivved a rhodesian king snake with the sharpened end of a standard issue united states coast guard nautical compass. Bastard took the hit and gave it back ten fold, struck me 32 times over the course of 15 seconds, I kid you not, enough venom to flatten a moose at thirty paces, lord only knows how I survived that little excursion. Anyway, I picked up playing the banjo after that and traveled route '62 with Jack "Hombre" Reynolds back when we rolled with the hells angels. Lemme tell ya, living dive bar to dive bar and peloponnesian Hashish brick to peloponnesian hashish brick really catches up to you quick, had 4 kids over the span of a year and half. I ended up having a fairly successful career as a machine shop welder in Wako Texas.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So I was in this restaurant the other day with a few friends, really shady place where smoking was allowed. I asked a friend, let's call him P, for a lighter. He'd almost thrown it towards me, when another friend M told him not to as lighters can explode if they fall. We laughed it off saying that shit never happens and P proceeds to throw the lighter towards me, and I somehow miss the catch.
We all learned that these lighters can actually explode when they fall. At least we weren't thrown out that day.
ThomasLovesTigers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When me and my friends were 13, there were 5 of us messing around with BB guns in a child's play park being little shits. But there were even bigger shits there, 18 year olds drinking and smashing their bottles on the slide etc. we were on the opposite side of the play area on something similar to this spinning witches hat thing and decided it would be fun if we could shoot the drinking older kids whilst spinning on the spinny thing and surprisingly we get some good shots at them. One of them warned us that she was calling the police and surprisingly (despite the offence that they were committing) went through with it, told the operator that there were kids with bb guns in the play park... but forgot to say "bb". What felt like only a matter of seconds later as we worried about our escape plan, there was a huge field out the side of the park with small forests and a road running parallel to them. We saw the blue lights of a police riot van looking through the woods onto the road headed towards us, amazingly 2 of our friends lived across that road, and snook through the woods, behind the path of the van safely home. The three of us left bolted it across to the right hand side of the field, the van still hadn't pulled up yet, and we found a dip down onto the road where we kept cool and hid our bb guns under our coats. In the distance we see a smaller police van heading towards us, I tell the guys to keep cool, they're looking for a group of 5. We keep cool and the van drives straight past us, pulling up to the entrance to the field we ran frantically across merely a few minutes earlier, we get out of sight and split, I personally ran home and closed all the curtains expecting some kind of national manhunt for me and my friends.
sambro36 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:37 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Finally somewhere I can get this off my chest... I put the screw in the tuna.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:13:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii dropped the screwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: /r/thathappened
F1eshWound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:00:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in 3rd or 4th grade me and a group of friends would play tag during the lunch break. When I eventually became "it", the game progressed as normal but everyone split up. I set my sights on a girl who was also playing with us, she was standing around 3m (9ft) away from a fence at the edge of the field, anxiously looking out for me. As I started running towards her I saw she hadn't noticed me yet. I keep going and still, she's scanning the field but doesn't see me. I decide to be sneaky and go around in a slight arc such that I get right behind her. She turns around and almost falls over from the fright, screaming "How did you do that!!!". She had NO idea how I managed to get behind her, and by all means it shouldn't have been possible. I was like a ghost that day xD
Kaplone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Not a long time ago, my grandma and cousin visited to take care my siblings and I while my parents were gone. All of us (the 4 sons and cousin) were capable of taking care of ourselves, however, so we went around with our daily business while our grandma was left with little to do, as she was unaware of how things went around our house. She eventually grew angry at us because we were "disrespecting" her by not allowing her to do our work. This escalated into her ignoring all of us, 5 perfectly good kids, for a day, and then she finally confronted us softly. Things got better for a while, and my younger brothers decided they wanted to go out to dinner at Longhorn. On the ride there, my cousin and I started pondering seeing a movie after dinner. Him and I would go see Oculus while my grandma and younger brothers would go see a more appropriate movie for their age. We saw no conflicts here as it was a Saturday evening, not that late, and the movies were right by Longhorn. However, my grandma saw this as an absurd disrespect and challenge to her authority as, unsurprisingly, she disagreed with our proposal and provided a counter-offer of going on Sunday. We all disagreed and she proceeded to ignore us after yelling at us, "ASK YA DAMN FATHAH! I SAY BLACK, YOU SAY WHITE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? ITS GETTIN' KINDA DIFFICULT!" We get to dinner, and I text my father across the country to see if he approved of the movie. He did, and requested to speak with my grandma about it. I hand the phone to her and he talks with her for a minute. Next, she hulk-smashes the phone down on the table, her eyes bug out, her mouth furls up, and her eyebrows shoot backwards in anger. Now, realize that she in an 80-year-old woman who is the size of an 8-year-old, and who has never been mean to any of us a day in her life. But now, she is beyond pissed ignoring us, and I can go to the movies. Me and my cousin go to see Oculus after driving an unnecessary 30 minutes to drop off the rest of the family at home. We get in, all is fine, the movie is going good but boy was it scary. My cousin has a heart problem and I am just deadly afraid of scary movies. However, this one had Karen Gillan in it, and you know, Doctor Who love... Yeah. So we are in there, a good hour in, and the tension is rising, suspense is at the maximum and some musical score is rising to monstrous levels. Lights are flickering, Amy Pond is creeping around a corner, about to peer around, and then ALL the lights turn off. Not in the movie, in the theater. Everything is dark, and everybody is scared shitless. Everybody starts flipping out and screaming, one lady started crying. Lucky for us, it was just a power outage and the power returned soon enough. On a side note, while the power was off, the most glorious achievement of my entire life happened: I got the 2048 tile. The power returned, we finished the movie, and we went home. We get back, its only about 10, and my grandma is still somehow ridiculously pissed at us. Not even a glance or a simple hello. She just sat in our living room, staring intensely at her Sudoku book as if it had just killed her husband. It was a death glare, something that would torture anybody into the truth. The fact that it came from my previously "happy happy joy joy" grandma just scared me even more (plus the scary movie didn't help either). She looked possessed with some satanic otherworldly glare. You could tell she was beyond sanity, staring down at her Sudoku book, with as much anger as the little stick figure could muster. She went on to ignore us for the rest of her week-long stay all the way up until a few hours before my parents returned. My cousin and I sat down for lunch with a few sandwiches and were playing on our phones. Everything was happy and good. Then, all of a sudden, my grandma comes slowly meandering in our direction, frown in full gear, firsts clenched, eyes popping out from her skull. Her saggy, aged face tugged down her frown even further. She then opened her mouth, and at that moment, I knew she was gone. She let it rip and berated us at the top of her lungs. Imagine an opera singer belting out the strongest note, and then magnify that by infinity. All of this from a simple little woman who had always been a cute, little, kind, goody-two-shoes kind of girl who never did anything but praise us. She goes on to tell us that we are dirty little rats, will never get married, everybody will hate us, we are terrible people, will lose all of our inheritance, and are going to hell for what we did. She adds in that we will be lucky to ever see her again, and then starts going on one of those long feels trips about how tough her life has been.Think of any insult and she said it that day. Every quavering muscle in her petite body shook with rage as she ripped apart her heart and fed it to us. Making it worse, the little old lady who never cursed finished her argument with "YOU. DIRTY. LITTLE. F*CKERS!" We haven't spoken since, save the goodbyes right before she left. She was all kind and acted as if she cared and even hugged me. But in her eyes, you could see the hatred. Her brows we raised ever so slightly, and a slight grimace could be seen. My parents still know nothing of this to this day. My parents have never punished me. They have never yelled at me. They have never argued with me. So you can only imagine my shock when the terrible tirade came barreling at me. Never have I seen so much disgust in one person who I have respected for so long. Needless to say, I now have no respect for her, and I doubt i'll have any more extended conversations with her. So there is my story on how I lost all respect for my once honorable grandmother.
tl;dr: grandma came down for a week while my parents were away. Slight things that should not be offensive ticked her off beyond belief. She got pissed, ignored us, and then sang her hideous song of hatred to me and my cousin. When my parents returned, she acted perfectly normal and nice. Creepy as hell.
urreadingthiswrong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TLDR - I used to run a Hollywood Video in early 2000's, and Prince stopped by to rent movies. A few minutes before we closed I got a call from a guy claiming to be his assistant asking if we could stay open a little later, as he wanted to rent movies. My first thought was "Okay, this is odd" but my second thought was "Okay, this is Prince". Just roll with it, y'know? I also didn't ask questions regarding whether or not it was legit as he lives a few towns over... plus if this was a prank, I was stoked to see how it would turn out. So I sent everyone else working home and waited. About an hour later a nondescript black car rolled up and two beefy black guys got out and escorted Prince to my door. I unlocked it and opened it up, and he was wearing what I can only describe as some expensive looking silk pajamas with what I assume were lollipops on it, and moccasins. I'm not very tall but I feel I towered over the guy, never knew he was that tiny. In that last sentence I thought about adding a semicolon, then remembered Kurt Vonnegut, and thought better of it. Anyways, he comes inside and gets my name, shakes my hand (tiny dry carny hands) and asks me what movies should he rent tonight. I told him first off was honored he chose me and this store to rent at, but was curious as to why he wanted to rent in person rather than--he cut me off with a dismissing look and corresponding hand wave as it was clear he didn't want to explain. I sure wasn't going to press the issue. So I said, "Well, walk with me and we'll find something for ya." Should also mention that I'm not a huge fan or anything, as I'm only familiar with his radio hits, and found out later that he sang a bunch of songs I thought were done by girls. Who knew, huh? So we browse down the aisles, deliberately not going anywhere near Purple Rain (oh gods how I wanted to, though), and here was my conversation to the best of my recollection: Me: How about The Matrix? Prince: Too surreal. Me: Okay, let's see... The Professional's one of my favorites, how about -- Prince: Do you have anything older? Me: Umm... yeaaah... The Court Jester's really good, got Danny Kaye in it. Prince: No. Me: (silence) Um okay... ooh... Willy Wonka's a classic, how about that? Prince: Okay, what's it about? Me: (holy fuck this guy hasn't seen Willy Wonka??) Oh! Well... wow, uh... it's about a mysterious candymaker, he has a worldwide contest where the winners get to visit his factory. It's awesome. You've never seen it? Prince: No. Sounds good. I'm ready to go. Me: Alrighty (was big into Sex and the City around then, so said that a lot). So we went up to the counter, and since I wasn't going to waste time setting up an account for him, I rented the movie out under the name of a customer that was currently pissing me off. While I was doing this he was looking around at our candy selection, and we had a huge rack of cotton candy stuff (can't remember the brand name) that he was eyeing. I told him he was all set, then he asked me if I had any more of the cotton candy in stock. That took me aback, as there had to have been over 30 bags of the stuff already on display, but I said well I'll check. Went in the office, saw we had two other full boxes and that's what I told him. Literally rolls his eyes and mutters "Forget it." Paid for his movie and walked out. He and his bodyguards then did an acapella rendition of "Movin' On Up" whilst shimmying back to his car. I made up the last part as the true ending is rather anticlimactic.
Bella_21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
so..One time in 2006 my family was having dinner and my 2 younger brothers decided it would be funny to throw food so everybody started throwing food and it was a big food fight and a BIG MESS then like 1 minute later the police knock on the door and really no one wants to answer the door cause were all covered in FOOD so the police bust the door and then we all had to explain what was going on..... and thinking of it today it was actually pretty funny!!!!:)
frendlyguy19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright.
the 80's, on a road trip out west to see yellowstone. we were driving up a mountain behind a station wagon, we were the only to cars in sight. up ahead my dad see's a suitcase sitting upright on the side of the road. he says to my mom, "i'll slow down and you open your door and grab it", (im guessing he thought there might have been something worth having/taking inside). well the dad driving station wagon infront of us obviously had the same idea because the passenger door open and a arm grabbed the suitcase as the rolled by...now at this point my father is cussing and swearing because they got it first. now they didnt get 1000' down the road before they start swerving all wildly and then all four doors opened up and we saw a whole family bail out of a moving car which kept rolling another couple 100 yards until it went off the road and hit a tree. the family wasnt hurt too bad cuz hey all got up and were heading to the side of the road but they had these weird cuts all over them, even the kids. so we stop, my father rolls down his window and says "what the hell happened" to which the father of the other family replies "mountain lion...in the bag...live mountain lion in the bag". and sure as shit somebody had captured and stuffed a mountain lion into that suitcase on the side of the road and when they opened it he went apeshit and started tearing up the inside of their car. then when the car hit the tree it broke its spine in the wreck and died. we didnt have room for all of them in our car so we went to the ranger station and told them what happened so they could send help.
TL'DR, a mountain lion comes out of a suitcase and attacks a family
tatsuedoa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I used to know this guy who had a bit of a drug problem (not super serious at this point and he didnt try to coerce people into doing it.)
anyway one day in class he was kinda high as we were reading a textbook about emergency medical situations and he was reading something about the eye.
he looked at the paragraph and read it, then he got to the word "retina" and just went quiet and said "what the hell is a rah-t-I-na (as if he was saying vagina with an r)?"
Me and the other guy working with us just went "huh" and reread the sentence and burst into laughter trying to correct our high as a kite friend.
For years after retina evolved into some horrible combination of an eye and a vagina, we even began to describe what it looks like, (teeth, hidden eyeball and other gross combinations)
michakushed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a senior in high school I was hanging out with a younger teammate who was texting back some boy that had a crush on her. It's important to know that we are all Korean, except I don't know how to read or write it and my vocabulary sucks. My teammate is fluent in both korean and english but the guy she was texting with was fairly new to the states and did not speak english very well. Well I asked who she was texting back and she said "David", I look at her phone and it says "David Byuntae", I thought since there are so many Davids (especially koreans) that she put his korean name too. So after school, I'm with my friend and we are walking toward the library when I see David, so I tap my friend, point to David and scream "Hey look! It's Byuntae!" She immediately covers my mouth and looks horrified. Well, turns out that David is sort of a creep, so my friend added "byuntae" after his name because it means "pervert". This guy did not know me, I had never spoken to him but I called him pervert in front all of his friends.
MyBatmanUnderoos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
We were doing some group project in tenth grade chemistry, and this one less popular girl was coughing for much of the class. One of my partners nonchalantly took out some cough drops, opened one up, slid it into his pants and rubbed it all over his balls. Then he walked across the room and gave it to her. She thanked him, popped it in her mouth, and visibly rolled it around in her mouth for the rest of the period.
...And that is the story of the "turn your head and cough drop."
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ragestar23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Anybody who needed a TL;DR for that is pretty lazy.
Lochana97 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 11:12:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So im with my honey and im making out wen the phone rigns. I anser it n the vioce is "wut r u doing wit my daughter?" I tell my girl n she say "my dad is ded". THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
J00SH2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
GIVE THIS MAN AN OSCAR
Wolfir ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:54:18 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Wow . . . these questions have gotten lazy
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:33:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
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Ownernator1197 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:57:31 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it.
Horntailflames ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:37:50 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My first rejection.
Once upon a time, there was a boy, named /u/Horntailflames . He was in sixth grade, and had his first ever crush on a girl. We shall call her Luder. To him, she was more of an angel. He spent hours of his time making little arts and crafts thing for said girl, who in the end didn't give a flying fuck about. But I'll get to that later.
/u/Horntailflames 's direct competitor for this girl, whom we shall call Sir show off, was also making moves to get her attention. /u/Horntailflames bravely questioned Luder about her intentions with sir show off who replied saying that they were merely friends, and had no intentions of dating him.
Being the innocent and gullible boy he was, /u/Horntailflames believed Luder and thought nothing more of it.
But how wrong he was. How wrong.
News started going around that Luder and sir show off had a fight, and we're not talking to each other.
This was fantastic news for /u/Horntailflames, but just to be sure he asked sir show off what was going in between them. He said he had abandoned his goal of courting Luder. This made /u/Horntailflames very exited indeed.
Fast forward to a week before the school trip, who was taking the students to an amusement park. /u/Hortailflames was exited to finally get to talk to and maybe even move slightly on with Luder.
Once they had reached, /u/Horntailflames had began searching for Luder and gound out that she was swimming in a pool somewhere. /u/Horntailflames, being very uncomfortable with his somewhat round body structure decided to walk around the park instead.
He tried again after about an hour. One of her friends said she did not want to see your hideous face, and should probably go before she hurls.
This came as a shock to /u/Horntailflames and he began to become depressed. Was it something someone had said? Something he had done? This made him sad and very angry
On the bus trip home, /u/Horntailflames had managed to price his heavy heart together, and ended up sitting behind sir show off and his wingman. As /u/Horntailflames had nothing to do, he eavesdropped.
To his dismay, sir show off was talking about how him and Luder had such a great time, along with how they were texting right now.
/u/Horntailflames 's heart felt like it had been shattered, run over with a steamroller and then hastily burnt. It took every fibre in his body to control himself from weeping profusely, and where his heart was filled with a pit of sorrow, he sat back, closed his eyes and persevered from the emotional hell he was suddenly placed in.
/u/Horntailflames had never, EVER, had any thoughts of a relationship since then. Whatever was left of the innocence he had after the incised was immidiately gotten rid of. If he found someone attractive, he immediately shunned them away as a devil incarnate and never thought of that person as more of a friend, if even that.
TL;DR - how NOT to get a girlfriend
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:01:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I parked my sports car on the side of the highway and fucked my gf right there.
People honked and hooted.
It was pretty fun. :)
nickricci11 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:10:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
once i got reddit gold
it was awesome
Kufawl97 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 06:19:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, here's a favorite of mine from college:
My mother was a bit of a strange bird growing up, and (very opposite to a lot of parents nowadays I hear about) actually forbid me from getting a job my first year of college because she wanted me to focus on my grades or whatever. Anyways, here I am, no job, trying to make enough money to go out and have fun with my friends now and then on the weekends. Turns out, one of my school professors needed somebody to mow their lawn regularly and also do some cat-sitting while he went to some teacher convention. I'm thinking, sweet deal, I'll make some money, suck up to the teacher a little bit, and make some money on the side. Plus I love cats, so like, its a great deal all around.
Anyways, flash forward as few months, its a week before finals, I had just turned a paper in for the class, and I'm mowing the man's lawn because damnit, I like money. He comes home from his 4:00 class, bundle of papers in hand, and waves at me. I didn't think anything about it, this was actually pretty regular, and I just went back to mowing the lawn. He comes walking over to me though, and says that he really liked the topic I chose to write about in our paper (he was an English professor and the paper was an open ended writing analysis-type essay), and he asked if I wanted to grab dinner at this local Chinese place he really liked. Surely that can't hurt, right, grabbing dinner with your professor the week before he's about to assess 50% of your grade for the semester? Yea, damn straight I'd like to get dinner.
So we get to the restaurant; it was actually a really odd backwater type place that I could tell nobody ever went to, and since it was only about 5:30 at this time, it was just me, the professor (Oh, crap, yea his name is Dr. Stallings, I forgot to mention that) and this one old lady sitting in the corner by herself. Clearly Mr. Stallings came here often because the waiter knew his order already, but as I'm looking over the menu I can't help but notice this lady is giving Mr. Stallings this really weird look. I mention something to him after I place my order and he says that he saw her but that it's not a huge deal and just to not worry about it. I kind of try to brush it aside but I'm not even kidding when I tell you this lady looked just straight up weird. Not even creepy but just downright unsettling.
We start talking about my paper, but then sure enough the old lady (probably, 65 if I had to guess) comes walking over towards us. I have no idea what to expect at this point, but turns out she's just this sweet, albeit very strange old lady, that thought Dr. Stallings looked a lot like her son (Dr. Stallings is a pretty young teacher at the University) who was serving a tour in Afghanistan and that she really missed him and her husband who had recently passed away and she wanted to know if she could sit and eat with us. Obviously, this is all pretty strange, but neither one of us could really tell her no so we just kind of went with it. Turns out she was actually pretty fun to talk with and we had a nice (albeit kinda pricy) dinner.
Right after the waiter brought us out our checks, Dr. Stallings and I both got up at the same time to go to the bathroom, so we just kind of ran with it even though tandem bathroom trips are more of a female thing. Anyways, we come out of the bathroom and the lady isn't anywhere to be found. We thought maybe she had gone to the bathroom too, but her purse was gone and so was her check, so we just guessed she had paid and left. I go up to the counter, pay for my food, thank the waiter, and start to head out, but then Dr. Stallings speaks up towards the guy working the cash register and I come back to try and figure out what's up. Turns out the lady had told the waiter that Dr. Stallings was her son, and that he was paying her bill too, which was a whole $25 when you add in the tip. Needless to say he's pretty mad, so he goes running out of the store to try and see what's up, and sure enough the old lady's walking casually down the sidewalk to her car.
Dr. Stallings runs down and starts confronting her, and I start pulling out my phone in case I need to call the police or whatever. She just starts yelling at him and calling him crazy and then she just out of nowhere takes her purse and straight up smacks him across the face with it. Now, I'm not saying she was some boxing champion but I think that would understandably catch any guy off guard, and Dr. Stallings goes DOWN, and the lady just like, jumps on top of him and starts attacking him. I'm calling the police at this point, telling them where we are, what's going on, etc. and it's turned into a straight up brawl between my teacher and this old lady. She's hitting him over the head with her purse and he just starts pulling her leg.
Just like I'm pulling yours.
GirlWhoWantsToPlease ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 05:35:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
tl;dr - tied 2 drunk guys together by their balls #revenge
Last year a couple guys made my life hell and totally disrespected me sexually in front of lots their frat. I let it happen but never forgave them. This time it was payback.
They had a party and I came late on purpose so theyd be drunker. When I got there they were so drunk. These 2 douchebags are always disrespecting girls and never being nice. So cool dont give a fuck types. Well they both thought they could do another thing to me and so I got them up to one of their rooms and had a drinking contest. We started and we drank and I got pretty drunk and they were drunker until 1 passed out. To play a joke on him we stripped him naked and the other thought since he won he should get a bj but I said that hed have to drink until I passed out. To make sure Id win I put something in his drinks but had to drink it to. Soon they were out and I was almost out. I used all my concentration and stayed up and stripped him. 2 drunk cocks with no clothes!! It was soo hard but I put them both on the floor next to each other like they were hooking up. Then I tied a string to each others balls. Then I got 1 guys finger WAY up the other guys butt! At this point I was about to pass out so I put my top and shoes back on and left the door open and got out without any of the brothers seeing me. I made it home and slept for like half a day. This week I found out that the guys woke up when 1 guys mom came for easter and was shoked and he woke up and tried to jump up but his balls were on the other guys balls and both were yelping in pain in front of his mom!!
PM_ME_MAMMARIES ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:11:06 on June 3, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Just to be clear you had a threesome with w frat guys and didn't like that they told people about it? So you then drugged and sexually assaulted them?
GirlWhoWantsToPlease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:23 on June 3, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Each of them did other stuff to me and brought other people to see and I couldnt do anything about it.
PM_ME_MAMMARIES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:30 on June 3, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well if what you did with these men was consensual at the time your actions were atrocious. If they were not consensual I am very sorry for you but why would you go back to that fraternity repeatedly? Instead of going to the cops?
sketchyTK ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This one time... at band camp...
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:16:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:18:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
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sammojo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:46:56 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What would you have to lose by telling people anonymously on the internet? If nobody will believe it, maybe there's a reason for that?
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:59 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
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pinckney12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:10:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you believe your own B S because none of us do.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you feel that way?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not going to go into this because this isn't the time or place, and I don't know you from a barofsoap.gif. But this post has a few of the hallmarks of delusional thinking - special knowledge, paranoia (if I tell you, people will get hurt) etc. Folie ร deux is also a real thing. Hopefully you've got a close friend who you trust and who will help you if things go downhill. All the best my friend.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I have told people who are close to me and who know elements of this are real and they believe it.
Also, this info is documented by many people in the mainstream in books and documentaries.. but no one has put the pieces together yet fully as I have. I am just a bit ahead of the curve.
But you are actually illustrating why this info is so difficult to get out. It isn't an accident that people assume such things when people make claims as I have.
Read this excerpt from an interview by the guy who investigated the JFK conspiracy coverup..
PLAYBOY: Many of the professional critics of the Warren Commission appear to be prompted by political motives: Those on the left are anxious to prove Kennedy was murdered by a conspiracy within the establishment; and those on the right are eager to prove the assassination was an act of "the international Communist conspiracy." Where would you place yourself on the political spectrum --- right, left of center?
GARRISON: That's a question I've asked myself frequently, especially since this investigation started and I found myself in an incongruous and disillusioning battle with agencies of my own Government. I can't just sit down and add up my political beliefs like a mathematical sum, but I think, in balance, I'd turn up somewhere around the middle.
Over the years, I guess I've developed a somewhat conservative attitude --- in the traditional libertarian sense of conservatism, as opposed to the thumbscrew-and-rack conservatism of the paramilitary right --- particularly in regard to the importance of the individual as opposed to the state and the individual's own responsibilities to humanity. I don't think I've ever tried to formulate this into a coherent political philosophy, but at the root of my concern is the conviction that a human being is not a digit; he's not a digit in regard to the state and he's not a digit in the sense that he can ignore his fellow men and his obligations to society.
I was with the artillery supporting the division that took Dachau; I arrived there the day after it was taken, when bulldozers were making pyramids of human bodies outside the camp. What I saw there has haunted me ever since. Because the law is my profession, I've always wondered about the judges throughout Germany who sentenced men to jail for picking pockets at a time when their own government was jerking gold from the teeth of men murdered in gas chambers. I'm concerned about all of this because it isn't a German phenomenon; it's a human phenomenon. It can happen here, because there has been no change and there has been no progress and there has been no increase of understanding on the part of men for their fellow man.
What worries me deeply, and I have seen it exemplified in this case, is that we in America are in great danger of slowly evolving into a proto-fascist state. It will be a different kind of fascist state from the one of the Germans evolved; theirs grew out of depression and promised bread and work, while ours, curiously enough, seems to be emerging from prosperity. But in the final analysis, it's based on power and on the inability to put human goals and human conscience above the dictates of the state. Its origins can be traced in the tremendous war machine we've built since 1945, the "military-industrial complex" that Eisenhower vainly warned us about, which now dominates every aspect of our life. The power of the states and Congress has gradually been abandoned to the Executive Department, because of war conditions; and we've seen the creation of an arrogant, swollen bureaucratic complex totally unfettered by the checks and balances of the Constitution.
In a very real and terrifying sense, our Government is the CIA and the Pentagon, with Congress reduced to a debating society. Of course, you can't spot this trend to fascism by casually looking around. You can't look for such familiar signs as the swastika, because they won't be there. We won't build Dachaus and Auschwitzes; the clever manipulation of the mass media is creating a concentration camp of the mind that promises to be far more effective in keeping the populace in line. We're not going to wake up one morning and suddenly find ourselves in gray uniforms goose-stepping off to work. But this isn't the test. The test is: What happens to the individual who dissents? In Nazi Germany, he was physically destroyed; here, the process is more subtle, but the end results can be the same.
I've learned enough about the machinations of the CIA in the past year to know that this is no longer the dreamworld America I once believed in. The imperatives of the population explosion, which almost inevitably will lessen our belief in the sanctity of the individual human life, combined with the awesome power of the CIA and the defense establishment, seem destined to seal the fate of the America I knew as a child and bring us into a new Orwellian world where the citizen exists for the state and where raw power justifies any and every immoral act. I've always had a kind of knee-jerk trust in my Government's basic integrity, whatever political blunders it may make. But I've come to realize that in Washington, deceiving and manipulating the public are viewed by some as the natural prerogatives of office. Huey Long once said, "Fascism will come to America in the name of anti-fascism." I'm afraid, based on my own experience, that fascism will come to America in the name of national security.
sammojo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:15:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll add narcissism to that list of delusional aspects, and reiterate the comment about special knowledge. Your post history has a lot of conspiracy theories in it, the reason it's hard to get the 'info' out is because it's probably not a reasonable conclusion. The media is not some great tool that is being used to con the world, it is a general term for all the crap that's available for our viewing. It is made up of ads, news reports and any other amount of trash people want other people to see. It's produced by groups of individual people like you and I, who can be smart, dumb, educated, uneducated. We can't trust newspapers because they are written by people who generally know nothing about what they are writing about, and care little for facts because facts don't sell as well as good stories - that doesn't mean they are trying to trick you for some greater cause.
You will not find legitimate answers to serious questions on YouTube documentaries, btw.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
If you do the research you find that all the major media in this country is controlled by a handful of people.. maybe even one family - the Rothschilds.
Do you realize that our entire culture is controlled by the media? Every response we have is generated by our perception of society. If you control all the media you control what is deemed reality and what isn't. They control the education system too.. which also controls how we think at every level.
The reason you are responding to my claims the way you are is BECAUSE of that same conditioning.
You have even called me narcissistic just for believing I have discovered something. Why is that?
All this info is out there.. I never said you had to be a genius to understand it.. all it takes is TIME and the ability to go into areas we have been told are crazy just as you have stereotyped me.
We have all been made to be hyper skeptical of anyone making the claims I have made. That is by design. It's the easiest thing in the world to make people so skeptical especially when you control all the media. Conspiracy theorists in general have been demonized. That's NOT by accident.
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I don't live in your country, 95% of the world doesn't live in your country... So no, I don't realize that, I'm sorry. Conspiracy theorists have been demonized because they are generally uneducated, have no actual knowledge of, or involvement in, the organisations they claim are 'controlling' us, and/or are clinically delusional. Your country is probably 'controlled' by people who are out there for their own personal gain, as is the case for most countries. Government is made up of a bunch of people who are trying to make it for themselves, as is almost every other system we have in place in modern society. I have not been taught to be skeptical of conspiracy theories because of a school syllabus, or because of media, or because of reverse-recorded messages on the radio. I'm skeptical because these claims are not supported by rational thinking and are contradicted by simple observations you can make while participating in society.
Enjoy your special knowledge and don't let anyone else have it :)
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
You seem to think I won't share this info by choice.. it's not by my choice.. it's because of the very way you responded to me when I just broached this subject. Look at all the downvotes I got. this happens any time i try to even bring this subject matter up.
Also, you are naive to think this is only in one country.. it's world wide. The "New world order" is REAL can you watch videos online? I have tried to give you some info to understand this. you claim Youtube videos aren't legit.. how else can someone get the info out if all other forms of media are controlled and the ones that aren't are ignored?
The funny thing is that i was like you before I woke up a few years ago. i laughed at people who made similar claims to mine now. But it's not our fault. We are doing exactly what we have been programmed to do.
To see the world wide control -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_VsLF2fGpU
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:27:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Think about what you have done.. simply because I said I have learned something most in the world haven't you claim that is narcissism and delusional. Why when I make THESE specific claims do you jump to that conclusion?
It's not an accident.. that is precisely why this info can't be easily revealed. It's WHY it can't even be broached. That is why I am not able to just simply explain it...
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:04 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaand you've completed full circle and confirmed exactly what I was saying at the start :) Paranoia, narcissism, special knowledge, being unable to tell people what it is you know, these are EXACTLY what you see in a delusion. It's fine if you wish to believe this stuff, but I hope it doesn't effect your life negatively.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You are actually illustrating my point. You are proving how controlled we all are by your very responses. You have made a knee jerk reaction without looking at the evidence. You are simply stereotyping me based on preconceived notions and knee jerk reactions.
And you wonder why I can't say what i have discovered when you called me a crazy narcissist for bringing it up in a thread designed for bringing up stories people can't talk about...
You need to look up "cognitive dissonance"
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Cognitive dissonance doesn't even remotely apply to this situation because that requires I believe what you are saying and are choosing not to, the reality is that I don't believe the stuff you said in your 2-year long essay. I responded this way after reading the drivel about 9-11 being an inside job, and now the stuff about a new world order. I'm not upset or angry, I'm just intrigued.
I'll give you some homework too, please look up self-fulfilling prophecy. 'I can't tell you this incredible information because you won't believe it anyway.'
Also, did you honestly just suggest that YouTube is the only platform for free speech? I'm glad you moved on from the naivety and programming that I am clearly suffering from, good for you. The next time I want to increase my knowledge base and escape the matrix I'll just head on over to YouTube and look for some poorly referenced docos. Enlightenment awaits me in the YT sidebar...
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever considered that it is you who is the narcissist since you won't even consider the possibility that you are wrong?
The error you are making is to assume that because we have freedom to release any info we want that this means that it will be acknowledged.
This is why when you control all the media and education institutions you control what people will accept and what they won't. Sure they can READ whatever they want.. but will they come out and say they believe it if the majority of people are claiming they are insane just as you claim I am?
You won't even look at the evidence I have shown you. Narcissism?
You still haven't answered my question of how to tell the difference between someone who actually discovered these things and someone who is crazy. Both would sound crazy. For such an immense conspiracy to take place anyone who would discovery something like this when so few consider it would by nature have to sound crazy...
Tell us something we don't know...
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That's not what narcissism means dude...
How is controlling education achieving anything? Learning algebra in grade 10 will not make someone unable to understand your theories. My subjects in school involved art, chemistry, english etc. How does this even remotely effect my ability to understand the secrets of society?History is a small part schooling and anyone with half a mind understands what is meant by history is written by the victors.
I looked at the evidence and it is not credible. The difference between someone who is crazy and someone who is not is that the crazy person has inconsistent beliefs and cannot support their beliefs with any evidence. You are providing evidence and presumably don't have any of the other symptoms associated with being 'crazy,' which is why I said you weren't - you're just incorrect and have collected your evidence from videos posted by random people on the internet. You have false evidence, which is why this isn't a real delusion, it's just a set of beliefs based off incorrect sources.
Your argument for why it's not believed is circular - people don't believe they are brainwashed because they've been brainwashed. Why didn't the brainwashing work on you? What did you do that broke you free of this oppression we are all secretly facing? I'm gonna assume it wasn't a red pill or a pair of nice glasses.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
"How is controlling education achieving anything"
Because these subjects have been hidden since WWII. You need an understanding of science to really put the pieces of the puzzle together. Ask yourself this... why is the richest country in the world the worst at teaching their kids math and science?
Also, the people in science who could understand this are the most afraid to consider it's real.. because if they were to attach their names to it it would be career suicide. Watch this..
Keep in mind though.. this is just a small part of this whole thing..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMh2HCUCWPE
Also, did you know that a journalist who had been exposing that MIT covered up positive results of this test on cold fusion was later killed under mysterious circumstances?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
If you are saying the US is the worst at teaching their kids math and science then I would say you are a bit slow. You have a massive variation in distribution of wealth, you have some of the best minds in the world, and some of the smallest minds in the world. The problems in the US essentially come down to greed, that is a fairly obvious answer.
Other uploads from the channel you linked me to include "Interdimensional Beings Run The Show. Period," so you can hopefully understand why I am skeptical. A documentary is a very, very bad place to get information from. Case in point (documentary aired in Aus convincing people that statins were bad for them - dangerous and just straight up bullshit), getting information from docos is the quickest way to point out that you are unable to think. Anyone with some money and a camera can make a documentary.
Please explain exactly what you are trying to say regarding cold fusion? That it actually works and has been completely covered up by the government? It was a theory that was not able to be reliably tested, it was plagued with poor scientific method and was laughed out because it could not stand up to scrutiny. If you are suggesting that it worked and was covered up because the government didn't want it to become a thing, then you need to seriously think idea that over.
What's your opinion on pharmaceutical companies? Can I also ask what you do for a job? Not intending to mock, just interested in your background.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How would you tell the difference between someone who was crazy as you say or someone who actually did discover world changing information that could get them killed or worse?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, I will be fair. You are not exhibiting the traits of someone who is actually crazy, but you are showing some signs of delusional behavior (narcissism alone is not delusional). You're mostly showing that you have a poor understanding of human nature and how society is run. The simple fact that people do not entertain your claims about US government conspiracies should be a red flag to you. You cannot use the excuse that everyone who doesn't believe you has been 'programmed' (brainwashed) to do so - this is getting into cognitive dissonance territory.
Your government has been known to cover stuff up, but every single time that's happened it's been to cover up dumb shit that they did. You have little reason to suggest that there is some great conspiracy going on, especially when government is just a large group of individual people (although I suspect you may disagree them being people?). I guess I can't really relate, it's an absolute joke the think the Australian government is possible of consciously, maliciously, and secretly doing anything - it's blindingly obvious why they do things. Have you seen our parliament debates?
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
See.. this is the problem though.. people don't realize how complex this whole thing is.
"it's an absolute joke the think the Australian government is possible of consciously and maliciously controlling anything."
Ask yourself this.. let's say the people in control of the US military were using it for evil purposes. Does this mean that everyone in the military is aware of this? Do you think the US military would think of itself as evil?
This is exactly how the whole thing is controlled. It's called compartmentalization. No one really knows what is going on except the people at the top. And all the people below are working under the belief they are noble freedom fighters.
Do you know that the citizens of Nazi Germany claim they didn''t know the holocaust was happening?
That's precisely why I posted that quote for you to read. he explained the same thing.
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for bringing up the Holocaust, are you familiar with the Milgram experiment? This was not a case of brainwashing, it was a case of people doing things because they were scared and/or under authority. It's also a case of how powerful racism can be. Nazi Germany was not a conspiracy, they were actually quite transparent with their motives.
What you are seeing is simply the result of politicians not actually requiring any kind of experience or qualification in the issues they make decisions about.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
The German citizens did not know that the Jews were being killed and gassed and starved to death.
But think about what you are saying.. we are ALL under a form of authority.. that is the point I am trying to make to you. Peer pressure is an incredibly powerful thing. And as I said when you control all the outlets of society there is nothing people can do. They lose their career they lose their friends etc.
The Nazis also used false flag terrorism to justify WWII to their people. Our governments use the same methods such as 9-11 and things like columbine.. they paint conspiracy theorists as crazies at the same time and to prevent people from broaching the subject.
But this is really all beside the point... what you have to realize is that it is impossible for what i discovered to just be some delusion. To understand that you have to have gone through what I did to discover it.. this is precisely WHY I can't convey to others how I discovered what i did..
Imagine you had come to some incredible conclusion..... then when you went to go see if it was true there was all this irrefutable evidence showing that the conclusions you had come to were right.. so much so that it was irrefutable.
This is why I am so confident that what i have discovered is real...
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:17 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, what conspiracy occurred at columbine? It seems like you have a conspiracy theory for every notable event in american history.
Read over that again... I'll hang around for the columbine explanation, but I think we're done after that buddy :)
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
What if there were technologies that were even more dangerous than bombs and gadgets? What do you think the government might do in order to protect itself from that threat?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uh7SWnZMPng
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqJJ0lFVwN8
Why columbine? well let's say you are the government and you are worried about losing control of the world economy and global power because of these super technologies being released... how could you justify keeping them locked up?
You make it so it appears the masses can't even handle measly guns... how on earth could they possibly handle super technolgies. Plus we can even tak guns from the people this way.
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let's just re-cap here. You are suggesting, in your florid sanity, that columbine was set up by the government? The government were behind some kids going into a school, shooting other kids and then shooting themselves? How in the hell did they pull that off? Did they code subliminal messages into Doom? I really need you to explain, in detail, how the government logistically pulled off columbine. Please.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It's mind control.. mind controlled assassins. Research mind control it's a well known government project that goes back to the Nazis and was carried to the US by Nazis scientist we employed after the war.
This is all real.. this is what I was talking about how these subjects had been made to be ridiculed in the mainstream. the mainstream media doesn't take it seriously so YOU don't take it seriously. That's how conditioning works.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ted+kazinsky+mkultra
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'll read this tomorrow. I have reasonable experience and a good understanding of psychology and psychiatry, and mind control is total bullshit. What you see in movies doesn't actually happen. Nonetheless, I'll entertain yet another youtube link tomorrow, it is getting late.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I want to be clear.. I do not know that these people are evil at the top.. they may be people who believe they are doing noble things. But think about someone in the military who has to allow innocent people to die to win the war.
But I have seen that people trying to get elements of this out have been killed.. then you have all the people on 9-11... the people in the wars that have died. etc
Let me ask you this... let's say that hypothetically a technology was discovered that could allow ANYONE to make a device as powerful as a nuclear bomb in their garage from materials that could be obtained from anywhere? Not only that but this technology would completely destroy the world economy?
How do you think the most powerful people in the world would respond to something like this?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
By shutting it down. Because it is unsafe and unwise to have that kind of technology available for individuals. It wouldn't be shut down because of the effect it would have on the economy, it would be shut down because it could hurt lots of people. This is why guns are illegal in Australia, because people are stupid and don't deserve to have guns. That is why anything that effects groups of people will be governed by a group of hopefully intelligent people who can make decisions together. This is how government in democracy works, it works poorly because people are total dipshits, but it's better than the alternatives because at least with democracy we have a chance to stop dumb shit from getting out of hand.
The people at the top may be evil, they may also be total idiots who think they are doing the right thing. The more likely explanation is that they are both smart and selfish - which implies they give no shits about you or what you think, as long as they are getting paid and are popular.
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But you are missing something though... with all technology there is good and bad.
So what if by having to keep this dangerous technology secret.. you even have to keep this scientific knowledge secret to avoid the technology from being known?
So not only are you protecting people from the bad.. BUT keeping the good from them too?
What if there would be no gun violence or violence in general if all the good from these technologies was seen in our societies too?
If you knew that would you still be so certain that the people in power had our well being in mind?
Would you still think it's acceptable if they had to kill people to keep it secret and prevent society from developing?
sammojo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:48 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Because Joe Blow can't perform cold fusion in his backyard just because he's got a garden hose. You are showing a really poor understanding of science if you think cold fusion = backyard atomic bombs. Please slow down with your replies, I can't respond to 4 comments at once.
Kushdoctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:12 on May 18, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Genuinely curious, like what?
GhostbustrsKeyMaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:48 on May 18, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Like the truth about how our society developed before recorded history... like about secret societies all through recorded history. Secrets that these secret societies have kept.
When you look at all the info I have discovered it's irrefutable that these things are real... but this creates even more new questions about things we have been totally kept in the dark about. Many of these things I am afraid to know the answers to honestly because of what they seem to indicate.
ArmedBadger ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Back in grade school I was a smart ass. I would do anything to piss of my bus driver just because he would always yell at me. One day in particular, he was extra douchey, so I opened the emergency door. He told the principle like a snitch. I got suspended from the bus for a week, so I and a couple of homies got a bunch of axe spray cans and rubber bands. Then before the bus would go on its route, we tossed the cans in the bus and gassed the whole thing to hell. Then right before school got out, we asked to go to the bathroom, we quietly went outside and gassed the bus again. My friends recorded the reactions of the 1st graders screaming and such. It was beyond amazing! Edit: english
WatShouldIdoo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:37:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in the most fucked up love triangle (I guess you can call it that) anyone could possibly imagine and I'm basically the one that is getting/got fucked over. Basically, I like this girl. She likes me. She has a boyfriend. Me and him hate each other equally.
So yea I know I'm an idiot...
inever_pullout ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:59:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to my friend this school year, but since he doesnt have a reddit i feel as if I should tell it for him.
He went to a house party at his college, and as soon as he gets there he immediately starts to drink. Its important that you know that he already came to this party drunk as shit. Anyhoo, some girl walked up to him and said "My friend likes your friend and I like you." So naturally he did what any rational person would do and took her to the nearest bedroom. While they were having sex in a chair and she was facing him, the second wave of liquor he downed hit him all at once and he threw up all over her. She asked him " Did you just throw up on me?" to which he replied "No!" and then he pulled his pants up and ran out of the house. He thought he'd catch a lot of shit for it, but the next time he went in the house everyone was giving him high fives because they thought it was awesome that he just threw up all over this girl when he was having sex with her.
Xenas_Paradox ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:05:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Not mine but a friends. I've been waiting for a chance to tell it.
So one day he had a check he needed to cash, but his car was in the shop.
So he decided to take his bicycle to the bank. It's not too far after all..
So he gets to the bank and he tells the teller, I've got a check I need to cash.
The teller says "Do you have an account with us?
And he says "Yeah."
neuropathica ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:20:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The story of a girl... she cried a river... drowned the whole world...
TiDragOnflY ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:03:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am drunk ama
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:11:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
Alright so this one time i was out in the woods with jasper (the one with the lazy eye) and he said to me "wouldnt it be great if we went fishing right now?" Keep in mind that neither of us are the "outdoors" type, well, not since the war. Anyways, we stop by the truck to get some fishing rods he bought down south a few weeks back and guess what we find? That's right, a baby alien. The first thing we did was take it back to the shelter and grill it on the ol bbq. Then the homie just starts yip yappin about how he hasnt recieved head in over a year so course jasper reaches for the lighter and rolls up a fatty. I still remember that day, when ronny yelled out "FUCK DID YOU JUST BLOW UP YUKON? THAT WAS NOT THE FUCKING PLAN DUKE" after our plan to invade southside chiraq went awry. You wont believe how drunk jasper got from that tiny ass line, it was astonishing. After that we promised to never go back to uranus again, we wont ever forgive ourselves for what happened to Buck last time we visited uranus. Poor Buck never had even been to space before. Anyways, we ended up somewhere in southeast asia working for a mere $1 a day cultivating poppy just so it could become heroin so some no life junky in new york could shoot it up his jugular to get a cheap thrill out of life. Jasper judt couldnt handle the finale, he was absolutely blown away when walter killed tony soprano. SHE DID STEAL THE GODDAMN AVOCADOS.Sweet jesus i swear i was so turned on at that moment that legend has it that my dick grew so big it conquered all of Estonia.Fast forward a few years and i now sit in my throne as the fresh prince of bel air. Moral of the story is: dont combine puppies with live hd streaming.
tl/dr: it was an interesting weekend
UPDATE: yes jasper has made a full recovery and is thankful for all the support
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:16:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This question right here is askreddit. Should be stickied or something.
2dab ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:22:57 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got a big shlong
jjc37 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:32:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I was on student council in high school. At some point I was given a purchase order to go to the local drug store to buy $250 worth of soda to sell at basketball games or some shit.
I don't recall why, but I didn't do it and forgot about the PO after a while. Some time later I discovered it in my wallet and thought, "I'll save this for a special occasion!"
That special occasion turned out to be Super Bowl Sunday in 97 ( Pats vs. Packers). Two buddies and I went and used the shit out of that purchase order! I don't remember the price of a 12 pack of soda in 97, but we walked away with a truck bed FULL of soda! We lived like damn, ass, hell kings for a couple of weeks, taking 12 packs everywhere we went.
It all fell apart after a couple of weeks, one of the buddies who "purchased" the soda with me was forced to turn himself in by his parents. That ended with all three of us being suspended.
That was sorta the beginning of a bad time for me, I was already suspended when I got...extra...suspended for the soda. Ended up getting suspended a third time that month and ultimately expelled.
elusivewater ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:39:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I've told people this one, but on the red line in MA I was once asked if I knew where to get molly...I was 16.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Where was molly? Hope yall found her
elusivewater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My brother thought it was a train station at the time and i said i didnt think so
randomSAPguy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:52:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I fucked my cousin. Several times.
Lectovai ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:02:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reading the whole candy cartel story reminded me when my brother did something similar except inside a game by Nexon called Maplestory. After they started a "second job" thing (Your character chooses a profession such as black smith and mining), my brother started making giant potions. Giant potions made your character HUGE for a full minute. That was a huge advantage to selling it as no one can ignore that giant character shaking your screen (Jumping made the ground shake in the game). Everyone would ask who was doing it and they would say it is that giant dude advertising the giant potions. We made three different characters just for AFK store setup or storage. Within two weeks we maxed out the limit of mesos (Currency) for each character. We sold each potion for 5 million mesos at first. The max was 2.5 billion mesos for each inventory. We bought the rarest and most valuable equipments and all other shit. We were most likely the richest players in the entire damn game. We had players selling their clothes just so they could spend a few more minutes being big and shaking screens. Our rare equipment made others believe we were GMs (Game Master) and we had some of them following us around asking us to ban some people and all other stuff. Soon others began to follow after the giant potion business and the game market was filled with them. The price went to 3 million mesos each, and eventually to 1 million. One million didn't get us enough profit to make it worthwhile, so we are waiting for the inflation to pass.
shakeitlikejello ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:14:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha. This story made me LOL. Sorry this happened to you, but it was pretty entertaining
MauiWowieOwie ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:18:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I got shot and am about to die.
got001 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:20:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I am the WoW clichรฉ in that I fucked our guild's healer, many, many times.
We met through WoW. I knew she had a fiance, and 2 kids, a son and a daughter, and her fiance was working to put her through college, which she attended part-time and was a stay at home mom the rest of the time. It didn't matter, she told me that it was an engagement that would never culminate in a marriage, and she'd vent to me about the problems she had with him.
To be clear on this, I pushed her away many times but she was persistent. I even refused to tell her my real name for months (my guild didn't know it, I kept it pretty secret), just trying to keep a divide between the game and IRL. I clearly remember a time where I had to think to myself: do I just dive in head first and see where this goes? I went for it. We exchanged pictures, and she flew out to see me in CA. She spent 5 days at my place, and boy did we fuck like no other.
This went on for a year, with off and on visits: her meeting me, I meeting her. Several times, I'd stay at a hotel near where she lived, known to anyone but her. While her fiance was at work a couple of times, I'd go over to her house and fuck in their bed. I even met her kids once, brought them a present and she passed me off as a friend.
Eventually, it caught up to me: after 3 years of having this kind of relationship, it was clear that she just enjoyed cheating and was never going to leave him. So I broke it off, and we never spoke again. I never did tell him, not my place to really. It's not a moment I'm proud of, hence this troll throwaway account. But it happened, nonetheless.
Kalegris ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:20:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
(post here your fictional story to get vote ups and the possible gold)
bounty1663 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:24:24 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Ok. My dad told me this and in this story he is 12ish. He is at church with three other friends. He tells friends 1 and 2 that he is going to fart and when he does look at friend 3. Friend 3 got quite the belting.
wordspeak ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:25:05 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly, just once, sneezed and kept my eyes open.
dumkopf604 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:27:16 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Black people learn how to fucking speak.
hopelesseelsfan ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:28:23 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
That I've won 2 Rugby League premierships and two baseball premierships by the time I was 16.
zanek012 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:39:06 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Some random guy got my number and started texting me. He called me stupid, and I said his mom was stupid. I then asked if he would like some ice for that burn. He said good comeback, and then I said "that's what your mom said after the second round". After that he left me alone
SarcasticPosts ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:26:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Way to go OP...
larswo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:49:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How I survived leukemia, but at the same time watch my mother dying from breast cancer.
SupaTheDupa ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:51:51 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
I hate these posts. I have a crazy story that happened to my best friend, I promised never to tell anyone.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:58:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my boyfriend were talking about didgeridoos and Queefs and what a queef would sound like down a didgeridoo. So he got a kitchen roll tube, you know like a long cardboard tube, and I queefed down it and it sounded like a didgeridoo. Happiness was made that day.
Snatch_Liquor ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:52:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
... And you've been waiting for this very post to tell it... Nothing else in your life has compelled you until now nor made you feel so safe. You may now breathe easy. OP has set you free!
Annaseptic ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:56:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
It came to me with such force that I am certain it was fired from the muzzle of a rifle. All too suddenly the shaking in my hands stopped. The alternating chills and sweats subsided and I found peace. Concerned that I was going to die I sat up and waited for it all to end and when it didn't I was slightly let down. I remembered the pact I had made to myself that fall, "I will not see the other side of this winter". For so long the only thought in my mind was how she had left me. How she was gone. For two years I had drank myself nearly to death almost weekly in order to stop the images of her with all those other men. Determined, I climbed out of bed and began to take stock of my life. I wasn't dead, and she wasn't going to kill me if this addiction wouldn't. I had roughly 11 dollars to my name and with rent due in a week I did the only thing I knew how to do. I packed what I could carry in a bag and set out into the January night bound for the cape. I thought it would be a great place to dry out, but the cape is a bad place for an addict.
Spore2012 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:22:54 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
NICE TRY COPPERS!!!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:24:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My family friend lived right next to a drug dealer. The dealer would produce crack inside his house.
While his little baby brother was playing on the street a car came up. The car went right near the baby and nearly drove it over. My friend's uncle saw this and got up. He ran to the car's window and starting smashing his fist into it, trying to break it.
He was screaming "Fuck you", the driver got pissed and tried driving on to the front lawn and into the house!
The uncle went into the garage and brought out a FUCKING SWORD! He started chasing the car and the car speed off.
When the cops came they were going to arrest the Uncle for having a weapon but it was blunt so they let him off and took a description of the car.
Limonhed ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:47:47 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually fairly honest for a twelve year old. I was expecting you to palm a ball, guess that color and then show the ball you palmed instead of the one that actually came out.
TheGreatMrGandhi ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:59:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a Story that i thought of and i wanted to show to someone
The Angel
"Not sure around 8ish." "Oh no I will be late for school!" I scream while running down the corridor in my boxers trying to get to the bathroom. "Make it quick you dumb ass! Oh yeah and happy birthday!" I get ready as fast as I can and run towards the bus. I make it Just in time. As I am in the bus I start to think about the morning. Why am I crying? I wonder. This has happened to me ever since I had turned 15. I have such a sad dream but I can never remember it! I just know that it is sad. I can remember a girl, but I can't remember her face or even what is happening in the dream. The day goes by extremely fast, full of happy birthdays happy wishes. I am finally 16! I can't wait to finally get by permit to drive! I should probably introduce myself. Name's Carter, finally 16 as you know and in love with books and video games. But I think my favorite thing would have to be fantasy books. They are way too amazing. Full of love and Passion, action and mystery. My wish was always to be a part of a fantasy story. As I walk home tired after such a long day i decided to go over to the book store and buy myself a good book to read. I was thinking of going in a new direction and try a nice mystery book! As luck would have it they had the Sherlock Holmes books on sale! "What a lucky day!" I get home later and to my surprise all my friends and family had made a surprise party for me! "SUPRISE!" They all yell and congratulate me for such an amazing achievement. Achievement? That word confused me. Being 16 years old is not an achievement. Being 100 now that is an achievement. The next few hours were a blur. Next thing I new I was in my bed reading my new book. After a while I thought it was time to fall asleep... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Don't cry my dear. I have served my purpose well. Just remember...cough....just remember that i love you..." She says to me. "No Please dont go! I need you! I love you! How will i be able to live without you?" I reply, unsure why i said that. "It is ok my love, Please...just dont forget me..." She replied. Why was this beautiful woman crying for me? I could not understand. But all I know is that this woman is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Her ears pointed like an elf, long silky dark blond hair flowing down her shoulders, a face so pretty that it is as if someone took the moon, shining so bright and beautifully in the darkness of space, and the sunset, falling over the most calmest sea, melted them together and put it so graciously over her, not to waste or miss one spot. She loved me... So much.... And she was dying. "Please stay with me a while longer, I beg of you. I will follow you to the most highest point of heaven to bring you back!" "Don't worry about me my love, he will destroy all of us before you have a chance to do anything! I will wait for you my love...please don't forget you purpose...cough.." And then it happened, her dying figure, so bright and radiant, became as still as the sea right before a storm. Her radiance slowly disappeared. Her beautiful form, now lifeless. "N...no..." I choke "Why... Why now... After all that we have been through... Why...." I start to cry. I cried as if I had never cried before. She loved me, and I loved her. Then I notice a figure, standing in front of me, I do not know who it is but he is clocked in the darkest of fabric, flowing as if it is ready to suck me incas any moment. I wipe my tears and run towards him, anger burning inside of me.... ~~~~~~~~~ I wake up sweating and crying. It is the middle of the night. I am breathing heavily and my hands are clenched as if they are holding a sword. But I am not holding anything. It was obviously the same dream I have had for the pat year now. But I finally remember all of it. All the love I felt for her was still here. But I did not know why and how. I have not met her before and I obviously did not see that clocked man before. But that woman.. She was like an angel in the moonlight. I wish I could know more about her...
dan105 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:47:00 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
How my pet rock ran away from me.
teflon12 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:10:41 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Uhh? I was not the courts
CrystalKingdom ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:12:45 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This is a story about a little guy who lives in a blue world...
ihateyougym ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:23:34 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This would be noticed since it would be buried deep, but last year when I was riding a tricycle (local transportation where I'm from), I saw a kid pulling a dog on its leash (which was just a rope). Then the kid started punching the dog's sides and the animal just too it all in. I was in a hurry and in the middle of the street (and I had not had the courage I needed) to stop the vehicle. So I when I reached my destination, I promised myself that when I go back there, I will save that dog.
So I rode another tricycle and kept hoping that they would still be on the same spot as they were. Sure enough, it was half true. The kid was gone but the dog was there, tied to someone's fence. The dog just sat there, so afraid to move.
So many thought went to my head: Should I let the dog go and move on or bring him home? I was also trying to be extra careful on approaching him since he might bite out of sudden rage, but I was normally not afraid of dogs. I gatheredy thoughts and made a concrete decision to bring him home. After reassuring myself that the poor thing was harmless, I untied his rope and checked him for any wounds (and there werent). I got another ride and brought him home.
The sad and happy part of this story was the moment we climbed down the tricycle, as soon as I let him go, he rushes off. It was like he suddenly had this new found energy. I tried to catch him but never did.
Our neighborhood was big and maze-like, and the dog showed no signs of getting grabbed by me. I still think and worry about him from time to time and I am still confused whether I had done the right thing or not.
All I know is, I will never let someone else do that to an animal ever again.
mogambo88 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:27:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I'm afraid to say that I honestly wouldn't. I would end up thinking how he'll probably waste it on alchohol or drugs anyways. I feel like a ruined human :(
Bum-a-Smoke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:09 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Negative context Commander
OuiNon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:44:55 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
This here's the story all about how
StarSeeker01 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:48:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
autotune begin I just had seeeex and it felt so good.
teflon12 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:49:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe so. At that point it wasn't my call to make.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:00:29 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My bad went to sleep. Im one of the families suing the administration of the school for incompetence. Town interpreted it as me suing the town for being racists or something, so people got really pissed for a while. Its died down quite a bit since then thankfully.
LBD420 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:52:08 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Well today at work I went to the stall to take a shit and discovered that someone else had taken the pleasure of wiping their ass and then wiping it across the toilet paper roll dispenser. Fucking disgusting, I knew the people I worked with weren't the cleanest, but come on.
Bobboy5 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:13:52 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Earlier this year my family and I were on the Eurotunnel (A train that goes underground between UK and France). We had parked up inside and my sister needed to use the loo. My dad accompanied her back 6 carriages because all of the ones near us were out of order. Just as they entered the carriage behind our car, a safety message played.
"Attention, Attention, we have detected a problem in an adjacent carriage. The passengers will be joining your carriage for the duration of the crossing."
We were at first worried to say the least. A few people came through the doors but none were our family. Turns out the carriage behind ours had filled with smoke, presumably from one of the cars. After we finally arrived at the station in Kent the doors opened and my dad and sister emerged. They had been in the carriage when it filled with smoke, but decided to turn back rather than brave the rest of it.
TL;DR Parent and sibling isolated in a train under the ocean for half a hour
23dayseu ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:38:13 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
My Grandads ww2 story. We have finally got it published and are selling it online via our website. www.23days.EU
So far we have got some very positive reviews of the book.
It is his memoirs that tell the story if what he experienced at the start of ww2 as a 16 year old Polish boy that joined a partisan group to fight against the invading Russian army. It details his fighting and his arrest and brutal intorrgation by the Russians before being condemned to death and spending 23 days on death row. Amazingly he got his sentenced changed from death to 25 years hard labour in Siberia. He and a group of prisoners managed to escape the train taking them to Siberia and he managed to escape to Finland where he went to England. He later returned to occupied Europe as a member of the Special Operations Executive.
Its an amazing story and if you like war stories its worth reading!
AshleyTheCupcake ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:07:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Nnb
TimTehTurtle ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:29:02 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Gold. Lots of it.
Crimsonkid5 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:43:12 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TLDR- Grind sesh at a local night club, results in awkwardly retreat from embarassing situation.
Went to go see dj Carnage at the local night club and I'm the type of person that goes to raves/shows mostly for the music and to give people light shows. When it comes to dancing with girls, my confidence is somewhat low. Usually takes me hour-two hours to build up the confidence to attempt dancing with one and twice that amount of time to actually grind with one.
So I get into a conversation with this l guy. Real chill dude, all no worries, living in the moment, telling me to never regret anything... ect ect. As were talking he points to two girls next to him and says"bro take your pic" and at this point I'm ecstatic that this random guy is being my wing man. The hotter of the two was dancing with the bro and so I decided to start dancing with the slightly less attractive friend. She asked for a light show and then afterwards it seems that she wanted to grind with me so we started to. As we started grinding her body movements became very unclear and it seemed as if she wanted to grind but didn't want to. As a result she distanced her self slightly but not enough to show we weren't dancing with each other At this point in my head I was thinking "maybe I'm not being assertive enough?" So I got closer, put my hand on her thigh and we start grinding for a good 10seconds before she awkwardly turned around and goes to talk to her friend, to which I skedaddled my way at of that situation as fast as a awkward redditer could. Overall it was a win because I actually did something instead of staring at a girl thinking what would of happened if I asked her to dance with me. Also got to touch a girls butt, that was nice too.
Urgullibl ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:15:03 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Vampires.
Baileyyo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:27:39 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I would die to tell my friends story. But I can't remember the exact story and there's missing parts...
Sorry :(
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:00:28 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The story of the time I was completely approached by a pervert, and didn't realize it until I got home...
Nixie-trixie ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 11:24:35 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
A
SirEbabalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
man
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:53 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
TL;DR I had wonton soup in a store and started screaming swag like wonton soup, because after all, I am Based God. I got kicked out. Blasphemous store.
FUCKBUSTER ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:21:28 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
stay positive
#tybg
numberninemac ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 03:37:10 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In west Philadelphia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school When a couple of guys who were up to no good Started making trouble in my neighborhood I got in one little fight and my mom got scared She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'
shortybeats ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:27 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yoooooooo...Here's a little story that must be told, about the Dursleys, who lived at Privet Drive, number four. Papa Vernon was drill earnin', runnin' grunnings, a fat cat with no neck, nah, nothin'. Spouse Petunia, the long necker fence checker, neighborhood gossip spreader. one prodigy, name of Dudley, ain't no boy finer anywhere, duh, G. Add to this perfect picture one secret, the Dursley clan'll flip if anyone done leak it. Story starts on a Tuesday morning, dull, gray, and boring, Vernon had no warning. Hopped in the car, stayed paused, still, a cat's reading street signs nah that can't be real. Double take the cat ain't doin' shit roll to work chew five people out, morning perfect. Until lunch time, stomach start rumbling, head to the bakery and send a midget tumbling. Try to apologize, he smiles wide, says "rejoice, you-know-who subdued, ya muggle, we overjoyed." On the way back to work, it gets even worse, people in getups talking "the potters, that's what I heard." snap at the secretary to hold my phone calls up, dail pentunia to see what's up. but midway had to pause, no need to put 'Tunia in peril, his name might be harvey, or even harold. Fuck it, grind the rest of the day out, forget 'bout all dis shit till the evenenin' news play out somethin' in the news speak to me, ask petunia if she heard from her kin recently. She gets mad amped, so V keeps his jaw clamped, Fam head to bed, flick off the lamp. Vernon think, if the Potters got beef, it ain't affect us, little did he know how wrong he was.
LadyKnowitAll ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:15 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Please do not let this get buried! A few days ago I remembered this story, and have felt so guilty since remembering. So here it goes- Almost exactly a year ago My husband and I got our first house, and a few weeks later decided to get a puppy since I was 5 months pregnant. We figured it would be good practice to get one. And we thought it would help me be tolerant of having the house dirty once in a while. After getting pregnant, I became a neat freak and had to mop every day. Well, we found a Rottweiler puppy thru a friend and named her Sadie. And a month after getting Sadie my husbands parents asked if we could dog sit their pup as well. We agreed, and the two were inseparable. We kept their pup(Callie) for a week and a half. A few days into the stay I let the puppies out to play, and was mopping. I use a water bottle mixed with Pine-sol to mop, and poke a hole in the top so I can squirt it on the floor as I go. Well, at the time my pregnant brain was soooo bad. Keys in the fridge, shoes in the pantry, wallet on grocery store shelves.. Etc. so back to the pups, I let them out continued to mop an then realized they had run out of water. So I just grab a water bottle and pour them some more water. As soon as they saw me open the back door, they run over an start drinking what I pour. And as I'm pouring I notice it's creating bubbles in their water bowl. I immediately notice and push them away as their tongues are in the Pine-sol water mix. They both start coughing and run off. I stand their and beg them to come back so I can give them loves. But they just run off, and start chasing each-other. I didn't think about it again until the next day when they refused to drink anything. At the time it was 100 degrees+ every day. So I know they were thirsty, but they just didn't trust me. To this day, I still feel so bad.
athenasbranch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:42 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
They're ok now, right?
You have to forgive yourself, especially since you had a case of the baby brain. :) Don't feel guilty. You didn't mean it. I know how crappy it can make you feel to not be able to go of old mistakes, but it does nothing besides give you a sour stomach.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:11 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MasoodMS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
You're a terrible person.
ColdAsssHonkey ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Last night I had a threesome with my two lesbian roommates... They came in the shower with me.
Bradbrit ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So my brother and his girlfriend went away a little while ago. They were driving down to the place and they saw a hitchhiker about their age and he looked ok so they decided to help him out.
So he gets into the car with this huge duffel bag and sits in the back. As they're driving they start talking about different things but as they talk, my brother starts to wonder what's in the bag. About five minutes later he says to the guy "what's in the bag because it's really big and looks heave?" Immediately the hitchhiker starts acting weird and says "Mind your own fucking business!"
Now they're starting to worry a bit and drive further. After about half an hour my brother and his gf are seriously starting to worry so again he asks "what's in the bag?" Now the guy gets really angry and screams "Mind your own fucking business!"
Now they're really scared so about five minutes later they see a little gas station and they pull in there and say that they're going a different way so he should probably go his own way from there. The hitchhiker gets out and starts walking away and they quickly get going again being all freaked out from the whole situation. A few minutes later his gf looks in the back and sees the duffel bag is still there so with the curiosity getting the better of them she opens it and looks inside. So what was in that huge bag you might say...
"Mind your own fucking business!" Hahaha
cheezeburgericanhaz ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:07:40 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In this thread: LIES
ipwnedin1928 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
In the internet: LIES
timmy89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:20 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
But... Everything on the internet is true? Right?!
gearsofwhovian117 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:53 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let's see...my best friend is know as my second girlfriend heroine..(he's a guy).... My parents told my girlfriend our lamp looks like a boob.... My parent have done a lot of noteworthy stuff to my girlfriend.... (im sorry _______)
rennaps ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:59 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
One time, at bandcamp ....
BenGoodman ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:50:26 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 16 I banged my best friends sister, and accidentally knocked out her while we were doing the deed. Needless to say I stole their pizza and left and they thought a break in happened.
joshstuck ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:38 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
had a friend, we played (tl;dr)
So basically I had an "unpopular" friend (I was "unpopular" too but that's a diff story). We started this prank where we pretended that weekly party's happened, AND EVERYONE WAS INVITED...except our friend. We exaggerated obviously (told our brother that EVERYONE got laid, and sex (butter) was happening at these parties). Anyways, this went on for about a month, and IT GOT WORST. At the end we had him believing that we had a friend who hacked NASA, and another friend who wouldn't talk to you if you weren't "cool" with him. Anyways it ended pretty badly, man it was awful. Our brother was suicidal and we all felt terrible.
....fuck Highschool.
ThiS iS pRoB gOnNa GeT bArRiEd BuT i HoPe U rEaD iT.
dpod42 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:19 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was trying to convert one of my friends one day as we were walking on the sidewalk. Nothing I said seemed to make an impact. Then a stranger came by so we both kept silent. He got ahead of us and started doing dribble tricks with his basketball. Then he slowed down to a stop and then turned back. He said, "I don't know why, but I had this sudden urge to ask you guys this. Do you guys know Jesus?" We were both shocked, and he layed down his testimony and my friend became a believer that day.
None of my friends believe the story except for the two of us who experienced it. God bless you guys :P
Jackopacz ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 14:59:46 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
AX
Koekie_save ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 15:57:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a supermarket and suddenly when I was paying some random guy screamed chicken and began making chicken sounds. His friend ran away.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 01:35:44 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
shadowwolf43 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:36 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Never heard that before...
lil-praying-mantis ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 05:01:01 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I heard the most amazing story from a friend's coworker the other day about his 21st birthday. I recommend you really read the entire thing:
So he's all pumped up to go out and get drunk, ready to have a great night in his new red shirt...but then it all started when he got to the bar. He was so caught up dancing like a goof that he didn't get a chance to drink. Then he sees a hot girl dancing on a platform, so he climbs up and joins her. She says "You're cute! What's your name?" "I'm-" when suddenly a pair of huge hands grabs him by his ankles, and swings him off the stage onto the floor. He went airborne and hit something on the way down, splitting his chin open. Then he was picked up by two huge men and thrown out the back door. No explanation. A cop was standing outside and asked him for ID and whatnot, so he gave it to them. Next he walks down the street to a strip club, mind that it's like 3AM. After paying at the door he goes in and sees no chicks. They all went home, and so did almost all the employees. He goes into the bathroom to wash his face off, and when he comes back he sees all the lights off. He tries to leave the front door but he could hear that it's dead bolted on the outside. He hears laughing and sees one light on in another room, and sees an emergency exit door proped open a little. Then he sees two men laughing at a table, talking and exchanging money. A SHIT LOAD of money was piled on the table. Probably thousands... and something illegal going on. He tried to sneak to the exit when they heard him. A guy came out from a shadow and chased after him. He ran pretty far and accidentally ran into an alley. Now he was trapped. Suddenly a group of men lurked out from behind dumpsters in the alley and threatened to kill the man chasing him. The group of guys offered him a ride back to the bar so he could go home. He got in and noticed all of them were wearing red shirts.... with red cloths/bandanas around their neck and arms...
Shit. The bloods. He was wearing his new red shirt and they thought he was a blood too! They smoked a ton of weed while they drove and he ended up getting high. Eventually he got home and just couldn't believe what happened. He didn't get a chance to drink, but had the strangest night of his life.
dumkopf604 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:25 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit is shit. It reposts everything. Your post is shit. Everyone's post is shit. /r/funny is shit. You can pretend, but you're still shit.
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:12 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
So... take your coat off and stay awhile?
Janezwall ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 14:40:14 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
The FUTURE......like Christ......I had to literally die to be able to go there and view it...I suffered terminal cancer until I vomited everything that I put in my mouth for 3 years and weighed a mere 65 pounds with 10 of those pounds as fluid in my legs, my knees were the size of footballs, I couldn't walk and did not have enough energy in my cancer ridden body to even talk.....I WAS TOLD I WOULD DIE AND WAS NOT EVEN OFFERED CHEMO......I took nothing for the cancer and now I cannot eat food as my body is purified ......I jog 8 km every day......I stand before you a dead man......like Christ I have risen from death in spirit.....I am cancer free and live without eating food.
2-b_r-0_2-b ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 02:05:12 on May 13, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Let the fake stories and embellishments begin..
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:27 on June 9, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Yep
Sentient__Cloud ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 09:30:49 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
I banged OP's mom once. 4/10
๐๏ธ average_smaverage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:09:10 on May 12, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Funny, could you tell her I said hi? Haven't talked to her since I was 3. Thanks.
gitarg ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:44:32 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
Deleted
Cairnsian ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:58 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)
i stacked my bike today and grazed my left arm and hip.
livinthedreamboom ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:33 on May 11, 2014 ยท (Permalink)*
When I was 13 my friends Dad told me a rhyme I instantly committed to memory and not long after happened to be reading a playboy mag when I came across (puntatstic I know!) the joke section just near the centrefold and noticed they pay you for sending in your jokes and thought "Why not!" So I sent it in and got a cheque back in the post for $25 !!!! That was a lot of cash for me then.
My Joke (rhyme) There once was a bishop from Buckingham, Who was thinking of tits and of sucking 'em, While watching the stunts of the cunts on the punts, And the tricks of the pricks who were fucking 'em!
I wish I had kept the cheque, but I did cash it and as a 13 year old walking up to the bank teller with a playboy cheque to cash (even had the black bunny sign on it) I was quite rosy cheeked and got a knowing look from the lady bank teller!!