cant log into game with b/f

trying to play Minecraft with my b/f and I cant see his game, we have checked to make sure it was set to multiplayer, and it doesnt show him on. When he logs onto it I can breifly see it for a minute then when i click on it the game times out trying to load the map then when i got back to menu he and game are gone.  Not sure what is going on please help.