When joining worlds the game stays in "connecting to multiplayer game" and just says "connection timed out. unable to connect to world"

when joining worlds after 1.16.20 I keep getting stuck on "connecting to multiplayer game" and then it just says "connection timed out. unable to connect to world". I wasn't getting that before 1.16.20 but ever since 1.16.20 it started to happen... sometimes I can join other people but 9 times out of 10 I can't.