Unable to connect to Friend's world - v1.17.10

im unable to connect to a friend's world or them to mine, we have tried on several worlds some we actually played together and some new, on both ends (we both on ps4)
When i join i get the "Connecting to multiplayer Game" and after 30s or so "Unable to connect to World"
After hitting the "Ok" button i get a "Generating World" window with "Done" then "Loading Resources" it auto closes after a few seconds and I'm back at the friend's tab

We can connect to a realm together, hosted by either or anyone for that matter

We are both signed in a Microsoft account, and have Ps Plus (required for online multiplayer)

Also i've been having trouble joining Windows 10 worlds and viceversa, from at least 2 updates now