Launcher Crashing

I am trying to launch minecraft and the message " an unexpected error has occurred sorry for any inconvenience" I have tried lots of websites, downloads, ect. and wasted an hour and a half of my life ill never get back. My patience is wearing thinner than a bungee cord with a morbidly obese person on the end. help. here is the launcher link http://paste.ubuntu.com/26046844/