I. Can't. Get. On. Minecraft. WHATSOEVER.

I made another post, because I feel you mis-understood me.

I. CAN'T. GET. ON. MC.

There's no crash report, there's nothing of the sort, it's my launcher. It opens the game, and then it lags out. I tried my account, brothers, different computers, like what do you want? I'd enjoy an actual answer, or an actual (PLAUSIBLE) thing. Please, give me legitimate assistance this time. Thanks.