New launcher will not run game

Launcher opens, loads, but when clicking Play it disappears as if loading then pops back up with error message attached. Changing profiles/minecraft versions does not make a difference. New launcher downloaded today, have already uninstalled and reinstalled.
Have also attached the only crash report found in %appdata%\.minecraft\crash_reports
EDIT: Compatibility mode DOES NOT help.
Restarting computer DOES NOT help.
Running launcher as admin DOES NOT help.
Being connected/disconnected to the internet DOES NOT make a difference.