"Java(TM) Platform SE binary is not responding"

Minecraft initially booted properly for a short period of time, and began before the laptop had been unboxed for 48 hours. The screen freezes either black, white or with whatever image was currently running. After approximately 15 seconds the mouse icon will turn into a loading icon. In another minute or so it will display a pop-up that reads "Java(TM) Platform SE binary is not responding".

If I completely close out of Minecraft my laptop will resume normal function, but now the error occurs as soon as I click "Play". This is rather infuriating as this laptop was purchased specifically for gaming purposes.