Minecraft immediately crashed when I press play.

I've tried so many videos that I hoped would work, but nothing is able to fix the problem I have. Every time I go into the minecraft launcher and press play it takes a couple minutes and I crash. I've tried every version even alpha and beta but it seems that none of them are working. I tried the old minecraft launcher, but still won't work. Please respond if you can help me out with the problem I have. The link is http://paste.ubuntu.com/26054365/