launcher auto-updated and now crashes "unexpectedly" every time

A few days ago, minecraft worked fine. The next day, the launcher decided to update and now crashes after updating the "runtime".

What I expected to happen was...:
That i should be able to play minecraft like i did the day before.

What actually happened was...:
I have been through a series of fuckarounds with mojang "support" and my friends trying to get the game to work like it did just a few days ago.

Steps to Reproduce:
1. Launch minecraft.
2. Wait for the updater to update "runtime" (about 2 minutes).
3. Get mad again because it just crashed again.