Recently re-downloaded minecraft refuses to play single player or online. (sadface here) <lol>

After installing and opening minecraft, I was greeted by the launcher. Upon pressing the 'play' button, I was greeted by the opening of a second window and the "MOJANG" logo screen. The "MOJANG" logo screen is then replaced by the "MINECRAFT" title screen. Normal so far.

What I expected to happen was...:
Select 'SINGLE PLAYER' button, followed by a selection of a new or previously created world, selected world loads, generated world is interactive, life is good. ^_

What actually happened was...:
Select 'SINGLEPLAYER' button, followed by a selection of a new or previously created world, selected world loads, MINECRAFT crashes, crash report is received.

!Unable to render embedded object: File (Alternate (But possibly related) Bug/Issue) not found.!

What I expected to happen was...:
Select 'MULTIPLAYER' button, followed by a selection of a previously added server, selected server loads, life is good. ^_

What actually happened was...:
Select 'MULTIPLAYER' button, followed by a selection of a previously added server, selected server does not load, received an error message that reads as follows:
Failed to connect to the server
java.lang.NullPointerException: group